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lucy90712 · 3 months

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kinda sad but reader distancing herself from jude bc she’s pregnant and don’t know how to tell him and he’s really scared bc he thinks she’s gonna leave him

A/n: I had to give this a happy ending as I have far too much angst to write that I needed a pick me up

Do it. Just do it.

I have to keep telling myself those few words. In front of me sits a pregnancy test that I can't get myself to take as I don't want to know the answer. Jude and I have always been really careful as he doesn't want kids, I don't mind either way but because he doesn't want them we always try to be super safe. Despite that for the last few weeks I've just not felt right I've been feeling really nauseous and my period is now a week late which really only means one thing I just didn't want to believe it. As much as I know I'm almost definitely pregnant I don't want to take the test as that will confirm it and then I'll have to deal with the consequences.

How would I tell Jude? Would he leave me? Can I raise a baby on my own? All of those questions swirled round my brain as I still just stared at the test. Jude will definitely not be happy but if I am pregnant I don't want to get rid of the baby as I don't think I could handle all the emotions that come with that. If I don't get rid of the baby I can definitely see Jude breaking up with me which I understand he doesn't want kids and he's just starting out his career at Real Madrid he won't want a baby to look after so I'll probably be on my own in a city I don't know with no support.

It got to the point that all of the questions were starting to eat away at me so to forget about them I decided just to take the test. What no one tells you about taking a pregnancy test is that the few minute wait for the result feels like a century I swear I was pacing back and forth forever before the screen displayed the result. I chose to take a digital test as it would tell me how many weeks I was as that's something I wanted to know too but then I realised that knowing how far along I am will make it feel a whole lot more real. There was no surprise when I finally looked at the test and it said pregnant 4-5 weeks.

Finally seeing it confirmed made it impossible to hold back my tears any longer. Instinctively my hand went to my stomach as I thought about how in a few short months I will have a baby the baby that is currently growing inside me. The tears were a mix of happiness as somehow I was actually happy to know I was pregnant and anxiety as I have no idea what the future holds.

~~~~~~~~~~

It has been a month since I found out I was pregnant and I'm now 10 weeks along. A few weeks back I went for my first ultrasound and got to see the baby and make sure everything was ok which it was. Jude still doesn't know, I've tried to tell him so many times but I just can't do it I either chicken out or the moment just doesn't feel right. I know I need to tell him soon as I'm already starting to develop a small bump which will only get bigger and sometimes I think Jude gets a bit suspicious when I won't eat certain things I usually love as I know they will make me sick.

Over the past month I have definitely been a lot more distant with Jude which has meant he hasn't noticed when I've had really bad sickness days and that I have a small bump growing. It's hard hiding such a big secret from him which is part of why I've been so distant because I just want to tell him and for us to be a happy family but I know it won't go that way and I can't bare the thought of that. I love Jude so much and I don't want to ruin our relationship but I know at some point I'll have to tell him and deal with whatever heartbreak comes along with that.

No one apart from me knows about my pregnancy not even my parents or my friends I have kept it a complete secret. Today though I'm seeing my friends and I know they are getting a bit suspicious as when we go out I'm always tired and I don't drink anymore. We aren't doing much today just going for brunch so I got up after Jude left for training and went to where we were supposed to meet. Once everyone was there we went in and got a table and I lasted less than a minute before the smell of someone's food made me feel so nauseous that I had to run to the bathroom. My best friend joined me to make sure I was ok but I knew she wasn't convinced when I said I was fine.

"Are you ok?" The rest of the group asked

"Yeah I'm fine" I said

"What's going on girl you've been acting weird for a while now" my best friend said

"Ok you guys can't say anything to anyone but I'm pregnant I found out a month ago and I've been hiding it because Jude doesn't want kids and I don't know how to tell him" I admitted

None of them really knew what to say they all knew that Jude didn't want kids and a baby was never supposed to be part of our lives so they were as shocked as I was. After the initial shock they all started giving me advice and telling me everything would be fine. They all tried to reassure me that Jude wouldn't leave me when he found out but they did say I need to tell him at some point soon and I agree but it's hard to find the right words to say.

Once I got back home I just sat in silence thinking about life and how I got to this point. I was so consumed with my thoughts that I didn’t hear the front door opening or Jude calling my name as he entered the house with increased panic when I didn’t reply. I only came back to reality when he was stood in front of me catching his breath after I nearly gave him a heart attack. There was a lot of staring at each other as I tried to find something to say while he tried to read me and work out what I was thinking.

“Love are you ok and before you tell me you’re fine I know you’re not you’ve been acting strange for a while and I just want to know what I can do to make things better” he said

Hearing him say that was too much for me I just burst into tears right in front of him. His arms made their way around me and he tried to calm me down but that didn’t help. This last month I’ve held back all of my emotions about this whole situation and now they are coming out all at once and I can’t hold them back any longer. I tried to tell him but the words couldn’t escape my mouth so instead I grabbed his hand and took him upstairs with me. I kept my pregnancy test and ultrasound pictures hidden away in my wardrobe so I found them and just placed them in Jude’s hands. This isn’t how I wanted to tell him but I think it’s the only way I can do it without having another breakdown.

“What is this?” He asked

“I’m pregnant” I said

“I’m sorry I know you don’t want kids and we are always careful I don’t know how it happened and I just I’m just sorry” I rambled

“Hey it’s ok calm down how long have you known?” He asked

“I’ve known for a month and I’m 10 weeks now” I said

“Wow we are going to be parents” he said hugging me tightly

“Wait you aren’t mad” I questioned

“No of course I’m not mad I’m actually really happy I know I said I didn’t want kids but more recently I started to change my mind especially seeing you with all the guys kids it made me want that with you I couldn’t be happier right now” he said

“So you aren’t going to leave me?” I asked

“Of course not I can’t wait to go through this whole journey with you I’m just sad I haven’t been there for you until now” he said

Hearing that was such a relief but not at all what I expected. I’ve always been told things happen for a reason and this is one of those things I guess. Naturally Jude had a lot of questions so I told him everything like everything I know about the baby and how I’ve been feeling as he wanted to know how I’ve been coping. It felt so good to finally tell him everything and he seemed so genuinely happy which allowed me to actually think about how excited I am too as that’s something I’ve pushed away until now.

After a long conversation we both went silent and just took a minute to take in what has just happened. As we sat there Jude’s hand made its way to my shirt which he lifted up slightly and just rested his hand on my tiny bump. I watched as the smile on his face got even bigger than it was before I could see him look at my almost non existent bump with so much love that it almost made me cry. This whole thing doesn’t seem anywhere near as scary now that I know Jude is here to support me and I already know he’s going to be the best dad if he loves our baby this much already.

#jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham imagines #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham #football imagine

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oreosmama · 1 year

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Voicemails After the Breakup (Haikyuu!! Headcanons)

*GIFs not mine*

A/N: I pity the fools who ignore this a/n bc WARNING, these are hcs without those stupid bullet points bc I have suddenly emotionally decided that they fucking suck. Anyways, I hope y'all enjoy the light angst, for all those survivors who are still vibing in this fandom. Enjoy!

Word count: 1968

Tooru Oikawa:

“I’m totally and completely over you.”

That’s how the message starts.

Part of you wonders if you missed something, or accidentally skipped ahead. It’s so immediate, like Oikawa could barely wait for the beep before tearing into you. Like he needed to spit poison the second he had the chance.

And it’s one of those biting remarks that he wants to let fester—for a while, evidently; he doesn’t say anything else for another five minutes.

All that follows is a loud thud, like he’s thrown the phone away from him. And then footsteps, like he’s pacing, pacing, pacing back and forth, trying to think of more scathing words by burning holes into his carpet.

You hit a point where you think you should delete the message, maybe try and not care about whatever else he may or may not say after waiting for so long. You nibble on your nails and tug at the snarls in your hair. You pick four pieces of lint off your sweatshirt and seventeen more off the blanket draped over your lap, and you know how many there are because you line them up and count them afterwards as you wait, anxious, listening to your ex-boyfriend’s panting.

But a small rustle stirs at that five-minute mark, right against your ear. And a sniffle.

“Fine.” Oikawa’s voice cracks. “You win.”

You suck in a breath.

“What do you wanna hear? That I miss you?” He sniffles again, then scoffs bitterly. “That I miss you so fucking much I can’t sleep at night? That my bed is so fucking cold now I can’t even stomach sleeping in it? That every girl I see I automatically compare to you because I have to—I just fucking have to, all because she’s not you. And it makes me sick.”

His chuckle is sour and crackles harshly into your eardrum. “Am I stroking your ego enough, sweetheart? Because you win. You fucking win.

“I want you back.”

He sighs, and it sounds like he’s rubbing his forehead.

“I need you back.”

More beats pass in the silence. More sniffles, too, but stretched out, like he’s trying to steady his breathing.

You don’t think it’s helping him any. As you wipe the cuffs of your sweatshirt underneath your eyes, his voice returns, thoroughly raw and wounded. It squeaks out of him, barely above a whisper. His voice is so loud and tender, like he’s cradling the phone against his cheek.

Your hand against his warm cheek, curled over that pink skin, fingertips inches away from brushing through those soft strands, wiping tears. That’s what you wish it was.

“I didn’t know…”

A shaky breath. You hold yours in return.

“I didn’t know anything could hurt this bad.”

He swallows thickly.

“Those last few moments after you left—I thought that would be the worst of it. When you just walked out. And I keep seeing you do it, over and over and over, in my head like I can’t help but torture myself with it.

“I never knew it would get so much fucking worse.”

He whimpers a little, and your heart constricts unbearably. You tear at the damn thing buried underneath your sweatshirt, massaging the skin like it can soothe that phantom ache.

Oikawa must hate you. Maybe he hates you like you hate him: not because of the breakup, but because you can go for weeks without seeing him, holding him, kissing him, and everything still hurts like that last time.

“Thing is, I could’ve sworn you weren’t always in my life. It’s been two years. Only two years. And yet I can’t remember a damn thing before us. It feels like it was always us. Some fog, and then you, and then everything afterwards. Everything that was us.”

“And I hate that we had it so good, YN. I really do. Because missing you has been the worst thing that’s ever happened to me.”

The frustration in his voice is familiar, a sickening sense of deja vu around it, and you latch a hand over your mouth at how vividly the image comes to you: Oikawa tearing his fingers through his hair, teeth gritted, cheeks flushed and shiny. Like when he lost a game, but different somehow.

Like this was something he didn’t even know he could lose.

He’s crumbling in a way he doesn’t know how to stop. That ugly part about having something wonderful and new—the moment it’s gone, what the hell are you supposed to do then?

“I just—Goddamnit, I can’t stand how badly it hurts anymore. I can’t,” he cries, desperate and aching, like his hand is fisting at his heart. You can hear the breath hitching in his throat, the hiccuping breaths after his sobs. You can hear every tear, feel it against your own cheeks, a soreness building at the front of your skull.

Too many tears. Your body is screaming at you, too many fucking tears.

But it’s him and he was yours and you were his.

Were.

You were his.

You had no idea how much that single thought could make your entire chest throb.

Oikawa inhales, and it makes your heart race against the thick wall caging it in, squeezing against it.

“I need to see you.”

He says the thought like it’s just slapped him across the face.

“I need to go see you, I—I have to.”

He mumbles to himself unsteadily, like he’s rocking back and forth. Debating, really, what he’s supposed to do, if he should do it at all, if it’s right after everything.

You should probably think he’s wrong.

You probably shouldn’t be curled over your phone, eyes wide, mouth open, not making a fucking peep. Waiting to hear what he’s going to do.

Maybe—just maybe—you shouldn’t be telling yourself that as the voicemail counts down to its final seconds, if he decides he’s not going to go to you, that you’ll definitely be going to him.

“I can’t just sit here. I can’t stay in here, without you. This isn’t right, I—”

Your breath hitches when you hear the frantic jingle of keys.

Then the sound of a door slamming.

His footsteps racing down his apartment’s stairwell.

A car engine revving.

“I need to see you.”

And the voicemail ends.

_________________________

Satori Tendou:

The message begins with a scoff of utter disbelief.

“Is that what we’re doing now?”

He pauses, almost like he thinks you’re going to respond.

“Heard from someone that I suddenly have syphilis. Yesterday, I had herpes though, so I guess I’m gonna have a tough week.”

A rustle like he’d shaking his head, like he can’t fucking believe it.

“And sure, okay, I figured that’s fine. You can say all that shit, and it won’t really stick because everyone knows it was us and that it’s you and you’re hurt.”

He sighs.

“But I saw it, sweetheart. I saw it.” The phone whines like he’s adjusting it against his face, and his voice is suddenly lower, darker.

“You don’t get to have it both ways, you know. You can’t spread all that shit—all those rumors about how shitty everything was and how we didn’t have anything going for us—and then turn around two days later wearing my sweatshirt. And you don’t get to wear that necklace I gave you for our anniversary and then run away from me the second you see me. That’s just not fair—you’re not playing fair anymore.”

Something swishes around like loose clothing, and a large huff greets your ear from what must be Tendou collapsing into a seat. When his little sounds become quieter, that relentless humming and the excitable clicks of his tongue against his teeth, you figure he must have put the phone on speaker and balanced it on his knee like he always did. Mid-conversation with Ushiwaka, he always used to spin his phone with those long fingers, or bounce the damn thing up and down against his frantic leg.

And the voicemail came through late last night, one of those dead hours where the only ones awake were Tendou, his scrambling thoughts, and the moths flitting back and forth outside his glowing window. He was always awake, always thinking, always doing something.

When you’d first broken up, after one long, wrenching fight where you’d both lost your voices and the frustration welled so high you just couldn’t breathe anymore, you’d been thankful for the idea of sleeping soundly for the first time in months.

You’d been wrong. You weren’t even sleeping anymore; just long, slow blinks where your phone screen would magically turn from 3:45 a.m. to 7:25 a.m., and in five minutes you’d have to get up and slug your way through another day.

Tendou had been the same. Those naturally wide eyes sagged under the pressure, and the curve of his spine had deepened like he’d been hauling the lack of sleep everywhere he went.

He must be sitting at his window now, at this moment in his message, pale skin aglow with wispy tendrils of moon. And he’s calling you. And he saw everything you’d done.

“Not fair. Not fair at all,” he whines, teasing. Always, always teasing, and if you hadn’t heard the slight cripple in his voice on the last word, you’d have gone on thinking he viewed it as one big joke.

You’re sure he heard the same thing you had—that he couldn’t keep acting like it was all fun and games. His usual, cat-like smile surely fell into a pert little frown, pale lips twisting like he’d sucked on a lemon.

No fun, no fun, no fun, he must have been thinking.

“Ya see, I thought we had a little deal,” Tendou drawls. “You’d talk smack and start dressing all pretty just to spite me, and then–and then I’d go ahead and delete all your pictures and put your name as ‘Bitch’ in my phone. And in, like, two weeks, we’d just be two ships, whoosh, whoosh, passing each other on the high seas of life, ya know?”

He breathes a ghost of a laugh.

“But, sweetheart, you look like shit.” He chuckles for real this time, and it’s disgustingly hollow. “I’m not even kidding. Like someone ran you over three times every morning—it’s horrible, really.”

You curl into yourself even further, and you’re smiling, grinning, lips peeling with how much you’ve cried and how little water you’ve drank after. You hate him; God, you hate how he can make you laugh and cry at the same time.

“But that’s okay, I’ll give you a pass just this once. I haven’t deleted your pictures yet, so I botched my end of the deal, too.” Tendou tsks his tongue.

“I won’t go easy on you, though. Here–here, how’s about this: for every day you stop wearing my clothes—because they look horrible on you, sweetheart; really, you’re painful to watch—I’ll delete one of your pictures, eh? That means, in about–uhhdivideby365daysinayearignoringleapyearbullshit–ah, seven years, I’ll have held up my end. S’that good with you?”

You lean your head back, letting the tears flood your hair as he chuckles to himself.

“Fuck it,” he says after a pause. Hopeless. Breathless. “Fuck it.” He must be gnawing on that pale lower lip, biting and nibbling until it bleeds. Because he lets something go to sigh again, and he must have smacked his head against the wall, and then you think he sniffled.

“I still want you. I’ve always wanted you. And I’m tired of missing you and wanting you. Doing both hurts too much.”

Tendou soughs.

“So I’m still your Chicken Tendy, baby. Always. And I’ll be here when you're ready, syphilis and all.”

#haikyuu x reader #oikawa x reader #tendou x reader #tendou satori x reader #oikawa tooru x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyu x reader #satori x reader #oikawa tooru #tendou satori #satori tendou #tooru oikawa #haikyuu x reader angst #haikyuu headcanons

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idkwhatever580 · 5 months

Text

More than you’ll ever know

[{pairings: Natasha romanoff x reader}]

{prompt- Natasha comes home from a long mission to find y/n curled up in her hoodie.}

(she/her pronouns I might use they/them in the mix as well. Just whatever I write lol)

[|warnings~ cursing probably. Tad bit of angst not a lot but lots of fluff|]

An; I actually hope this turns out good bc idk what to do if y’all hate it. It’s probably gonna be cringey but I live for that anyways sooo hope y’all enjoy!

————————————————————————————————————————

Nobody’s pov?

Natasha walks into her room and sets her duffel bag down on the floor with a sigh. She immediately looks around for her girlfriend and frowns.

“What the fuck?” She mumbles tiredly.

She takes a good look at her room and sees everything a mess. Trash and clothes everywhere. The sheets are a stray and the floor is covered in dirty laundry. Natasha huffs.

All she wanted was to come home from her week long mission to her girlfriend and the least she expected was a clean room.

She quickly realizes that y/n isn’t in their room and she decides to leave the cleaning for later and switches over to the task of finding her beloved.

She steps into the hallway and says “Friday? Where is y/n/n”

“Mrs. Y/n is in the third floor lounge room ma’am.” The ai quickly replies.

She mumbles a quick thank you and starts her trek to find her girlfriend.

Natasha steps in the elevator and Friday already knows where she wants to go so it starts moving. Natasha stretches her aching muscles a bit and the bell dings.

She steps out to find the lounge in a similar state as their room except for there is a mound of blankets on the couch. She smiles knowing that the amount of blankets y/n uses is unreasonable but cute.

She silently walks to y/n’s pile and slowly uncovers her one layer at a time.

Y/n’s Pov

I am sleeping in the lounge and I feel my blankets being torn away from me.

Okay maybe torn is a bit dramatic but hey I am the girl I’ve always been.

I quickly grab the hand that is above my face to stop them from touching me. Although my eyes are closed I grip their wrist tightly and say,

“If you so dare say one word I’ll have Natasha beat your ass when she gets home”

I hear a familiar chuckle and my eyes open widely and I see my girlfriend. I immediately jump over the edge of the couch into her arms and she says,

“Are you gonna make me beat myself up?”

I glare at her as I pull away from the embrace and then I look around and finally realize how bad it’s gotten.

Usually whenever Natasha leaves I can handle myself but sometimes my mental health gets worse and I find myself unable to get out of bed. So that’s where this has gotten me.

I look at Natasha and she has a concerned look on her face and she says,

“Детка, what’s all this?”

I suddenly break and tears start welling up. I feel awful for having her come home to a depressed mess like me. I quickly try to give her an explanation.

“I don’t know! I- I just stopped picking things up and then next thing I know it’s a whole depression room”

I hide myself in her neck and a few tears fall, but she comforts me and says,

“Oh, Детка, you always know you can ask anybody in the compound for help. Don’t just lock yourself up. Come on. Let’s go to our room and get you in a bath.”

I look down and nod my head. Instead of making me walk she carries me like a koala and I hang onto her tightly.

She gets a bath running and helps me in and then I say,

“You’re not getting in with me?”

She smiles and looks down at me and says,

“I’m gonna do something really quickly okay? I’ll be right back just relax.”

I pout but nod my head nevertheless knowing she probably has to go give some paperwork to Nick or something like that.

After about 10 minutes she comes back in and I smile at her.

“You’re such a cutie”

I say to her. She sits down on the toilet next to me and smiles and says,

“I’m the cutie?”

I nod my head and explain further,

“You’re so baby girl. Like. Just cutie pie.”

Natasha chuckles a bit. Oh god. How her laugh makes me blush. Even after two years of dating she never fails to give me butterflies.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been called cute before… most people would say that I’m quite the opposite.”

I pout at her words and quickly quip,

“Well then, I guess most people don’t know you and that’s literally so tragic because if I never met you I don’t know what I’d do.”

She smiles at me and says,

“Why don’t we get you out and let’s watch some movies?”

I hum and get out. She helps me dry off even though I protest she doesn’t let me do it myself, so I just let her do her own thing.

She gets me my favorite pjs and we go to the room and I freeze.

Everything is gone and cleaned. All the trash. All the clothes. I look to Natasha and say,

“Did you do this?”

She shrugs her shoulders and says,

“Maybe I did. Maybe I didn’t.”

I roll my eyes and give her a kiss on the cheek. We get into the bed with fresh sheets on them and I immediately cuddle into her side. She goes for the remote and I shake my head and say,

“I just wanna lay here with you. No tv. No nothing. Just us”

She smiles and nods her head and says,

“I like that idea. I love you.”

I smile and kiss her softly. Deliberately avoiding saying ‘I love you’ back to her knowing it’s a pet peeve.

She pouts and I find it so cute and she says,

“Say I love you back.”

I look at her and say,

“Why?”

She fake gasps and says,

“You have to if you love me! Do you not love me?”

I shrug my shoulders and say,

“Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t.”

She pouts at me using her words against her and she says,

“You’re mean.”

I look at her and decide to be nice again so I say,

“And you’re the smartest, kindest, most loving, cutest, person on this earth. I love you so so much more than you’ll ever know.”

She blushes and smiles at me. I look at her and say,

“I’m sleepy”

Then as if on queue, a big yawn comes out from me, and Natasha giggles a bit. She snuggles closer to me if that’s even possible and says,

“Sleep baby. You’ll need your energy for tomorrow”

I groan when I remember that Natasha and I are training together. I’ve gotten out of training with everyone else this past week knowing they’d never make me do anything since Natasha romanoff is my girlfriend, but she won’t let it slide.

I decide to worry about it tomorrow and just focus on the fact that my baby is home and all is well in the world. Even if it isn’t.

——————————————————————————

An: I hope y’all like it! It’s a bit long but I couldn’t find a good place to finish it. And I wanted to add more lol. Please please please leave some constructive criticism for me lol. I need to work on my writing I’m sure. And feel free to leave requests anywhere :)))

#fanfic #avengers #marvel #natasha romanoff x reader #natasha x reader #natasha romanoff

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her-favorite · 2 years

Text

this is a re-upload bc for some reason it kept glitching at the end??

OBSESSED

James Patrick March x F!Reader

Summary: James has aways been obsessed with you.. but what happens when you find out?

Warnings: smut!

a/n: scamp is old slang for a worthless fellow; a rascal - i like writing smut too much, not proofread!!!

wc: 2666

You sat at the bar of the Hotel Cortez, tapping your nails against the polished wood counter. Liz supplied you with refills every time you drank all of the alcohol. You let out a long breath, resting your hands on your face, elbows holding you up. You blinked back the tears that formed behind your eyelids.

"What's wrong, sweetheart?" You head shot up, Liz's question taking you off guard. You exhale again, putting your arms down to lay on the counter. You never made eye contact with her, too shame-filled to make any sort of connection.

"I just.. am I not lovable?" Your answer made Liz shoot up from her slouched position. Her mouthed opened quickly, trying to get something out before you kept talking. But you didn't let her. "I don't remember the last time I got asked out on a date. I mean, I always thought that maybe I isolated myself from others, but something just feels different. Am I that bad?" The tears from earlier reformed, quickly falling down your cheeks. You harshly wiped at them.

"Y/N, you have got to be kidding. You are truly one of the most beautiful women to come up to this bar. What I would do to look like you." She gave you a pointed look, before leaning down and picking up ingredients and picking up your glass again. She started mixing. "And, honestly," She paused for a moment, debating her options. "I may be wrong, but, I'm pretty sure March has been telling the ghosts and the people that walk into this hotel that you're off limits." She whispered, looking from left to right to make sure no one was there or listening.

Sally sat in the far back, her cigarette hanging between her two fingers. Before you could say anything or even have a reaction, you heard her laugh. "Yep! Heard James yapping at some poor kid the other day. 'You stay away from her, you scamp! You have zero cognition, nor are you worthy for a goddess like her!'" She recited, barking out another laugh, before taking a long drag from her stick.

You sat there, frozen. You James March to a certain extent. You were still human, unlike most at the Cortez, but you've stayed so long that you felt one with them. You had several confrontations with the dead owner, but he had never showed any sort of interest in you. At least not in that way.

"Wait.." You sat as still as you could, trying to process all of the information that just unfolded.

"You didn't know that March had taken an interest in you?" Liz asks, cleaning the counter and putting things away. You shook your head slightly, still lost in your thoughts.

You weren't exactly opposed to it. Whether the elegant man was talking to you or one of the ghosts, you never could break the eye contact between you and the way you admired him. You always found it odd when your chest tightened every time you heard or saw James with the Countess, but it now made you realize that it was jealousy that you got struck with.

James was quite literally the most beautiful man you have ever saw. His gelled hair, the sharp jawline, his beautiful nose. And those lips, god. You'd be lying if you said that you never thought about what they felt like.

But how come all of this is just making sense now?

"He's not very secretive about it, honey." Liz continues, resting her arms on the counter as she waits for your reaction. The two women stand there, waiting. Sally gets up from her seat and walks over to you. She sits down next to you at the bar, never letting go of her cigarette.

"Well, I'll tell you this," She takes another drag, inhaling the smoke, waiting for it to fill her lungs. "That man is absolutely obsessed with you. I mean, I think it's kinda creepy, but," She shrugs. "I guess I can't really say anything." She grips a bottle of alcohol, her rings stinging the glass, the loud sound reverberating through the tall, open room.

Your heart races as she talks. Once Liz and Sally start their own conversation, everything sounds muffled. Fog interrupts your mind, making your thoughts scatter. Before you knew any better, you got up from your seat, running towards the elevator.

"Sweetie, where are you going?" You hear Liz yell, once she realizes you're gone.

"I'm going to find answers."

You walk down the eery hallway, silence filling the air. Your fast footsteps echoed off the walls, showing your determination. Once you reach the door, you quickly walk in, not caring if he was in there or not.

As soon as you step foot inside, his back immediately turned to you. His white shirt was clean and ironed, his hair was perfectly slicked back, those pants showing off his long legs, and his cane in his right hand.

"Dear! What are you doing here at this time?" He takes a quick look at the grandfather clock on the other side of the room. It read: 11:38 pm.

"What is wrong with you?" You ask, not yelling, but your tone showed your irritation. He looked taken back, but slowly steps forward.

"Pardon?" His voice is laced with genuine confusion, his thin eyebrows furrowed. He's still a couple feet away from you, leaning on his cane.

"Why do you keep telling people that 'I'm off limits?'" You quote, your jaw clenched and your eyes piercing his.

"Oh, dear," He blows out air, his shoulders dropping. He looks off in the distance, trying to collect his words. "Y/N, dearest, you deserve better than those fools that walk into my Hotel." His sharp accent accentuating his point. "You are a goddess, made to have someone worship you from their knees." He sets his cane to rest on a table, walking over towards you in big strides. "Any man or woman that sets their eyes on you deserve to be killed because they don't deserve your attention. Anyone that lays a finger on you will not make it out alive because of me." He explains, looking deep into your eyes.

"But.. why? I don't understand, you barely know me- we barely talk! You can't just.." Your labored breathing takes over, the thought of James killing someone because of you making you feel sick.

"Oh, no, my love.. I do know you." A smile forms on his lips, inches away from you. "You know that I'm always with you. You know that I admire you from afar, watching the way that you laugh with Cleopatra at the bar, or.. when you have drinks with the other ghosts. But as soon as I see you with another human in my building.." He tsks, walking around you. "You know that I can't let them live." He whispers in your ear, resting his hands on your shoulders. His raspy voice sends shivers down your spine, your thighs clenching together. A deep laugh sounds in your ear, heat rushing to your face when you realize that he saw you squirm in his hold.

"You like that don't you, darling? That I would kill for you, that I would do anything for you." You felt his body press against your back, getting as close to you as possible. He never heard any protest, taking it as a green light to keep going.

"You are absolutely tantalizing, my love." He teases, his fingers slowly making their way up and down your arms. He felt the goosebumps raise on your skin, a sly smile overcoming his face. "Are you nervous?" He whispers, his hands drift down to your hips, grabbing it harshly, making you gasp.

"No." You lie, your voice cracking. James lets out another small chuckle, wrapping his right hand around your stomach, pushing you backwards, into his chest.

"Don't lie to me, my dear." He leans down to press his face into your neck, his nose tickling your skin. "I can all but hear your heart race, darling." His voice was slightly muffled by your neck, his moving lips tickling you. He presses little kisses against your soft skin, leading down to your collarbone.

Your body instantly envelops with cold air once you feel his presence leave you. Before you could turn around, James stood in front of you with his hand stretched out for you to grab. You obliged, making him smile. He brought you over to his neatly made bed, the back of your legs pressed against the end of the bed. He took both of your hands in each of his, bringing them up to his lips and kissing them.

"Do you consent to this, dearest?" His voice was calmer than it was before. Your heart melted at his words. nodding. Maybe waiting for him was the right decision.

He smiled wide, right hand reaching out to cup your cheek. He leaned down and set his lips on yours, taking your bottom lip between his. You moaned into the kiss when you felt him bite down on the plush skin. He smirked, your reaction already causing an effect on him.

Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, bringing him closer to you. You press your body against him, both of you groaning at the friction. His hands lay on your waist, tightening when he starts to lean forward and set you down on the bed. He hovers over you, admiring your features.

He traces your face, fingers barely pressing down, just hovering over your skin. "You are absolutely ravishing, my goddess." You almost whimper at the name, your eyes fluttering shut. James leans down again, pressing soft kisses against your skin. He slowly works on your shirt, telling you when to lift your arms so he could lift it off of you.

"The first time I make love to you, will be on this bed, not some unworthy floor." He whispers into your skin, moving away just to throw your shirt somewhere. He looks back down at you, watching over you like a hawk. His hands traced over your body, moving up to traced his thumbs over your clothed nipples. Your back arched, wanting more. He hummed, reaching behind your back (with your help of moving slightly, to give him a better angle) and unclipping your bra.

"You are so gorgeous, my love. Absolutely stunning." He praised, calloused hands reaching out and cupping your breasts. He leans down again, kissing and sucking on your nipple and skin. As he mouthed down your stomach, his hands moving down to undo your pants and pull them down.

"James," You whine, catching his attention. "You're wearing too much." You say as he throws away your pants. He chuckles deep from his throat.

"Of course, my dear." He clicks at his suspenders and unbuttons his white shirt. You reach out for him, raking your fingers over his body. Now it was your turn to undo his pants. He laughed at your eagerness, helping you by kicking his dress pants some place on the floor. "Lay back, my darling. Let me take care of you." He whispers, pressing kisses against your abdomen. His fingers play with the waistband of your panties, silently asking you if he could take them off. You nod against the soft, white pillow.

He slowly slides the fabric down your legs, spreading your legs. He immediately leans forward, licking a line up your slit. He groans, "You taste divine, my darling." He quickly dived back in, making your back arch.

"God.. James!" You moan, your hand gripping his hair tightly. He groans against you, vibrating your skin.

"Yes, dear, I am your God." His voice seemed deeper than usual, deepening your arousal. He sucked at your clit, his hands under your thighs, digging his nails into the plush skin. His tongue prods at your entrance, immediately pushing inside and moving around. You moaned his name over and over, James' boxers getting tighter and tighter by the second.

He pulled you in by the thighs, bringing you impossibly closer to him and his mouth. He was addicted to the taste of you. It was so much better than the alcohol and cigarettes he drinks and smokes; this was genuine lust. James didn't believe in any sort of religion, but you tasted like straight heaven. You were an absolute goddess and James was blessed to be able to walk on the same ground as you.

"Come on, dearest. You can do it, cum for me." One of his fingers comes down and spreads your folds. He pushes a finger inside you, his swollen pink lips latching onto your clit again. He pumps the finger in and out, adding a second one when he feels you clench tightly around it. His groans were muffled by you, making your body rake with pleasure. Your hips jerked up one last time, before coming undone on his fingers. As you moaned, James praised you through it, pulling his fingers out once he feels you calm down.

"You are such a doll, my beloved." He kisses back up your body, until he hovers his face over yours. You both smile, leaning up to press your lips against his. Your hands cup his face, bringing his lips closer to yours. One of your hands slides down his body, gripping the waistband, signaling you needed his help to take them off. One arm rests beside your head, holding him up and the other guides the undergarment down his legs and off on the ground. His forearms came back up to rest beside your head, occasionally slipping down to touch you.

"Are you ready, my darling?" He asked, his tip sliding between your folds. Your breath was caught in your throat, nodding instead of speaking.

He pushed in, both of you groaning in unison. Your nails dug into his back and shoulders, creating deep crescent marks in his pale skin. You avoided the large gash in his throat that signified he was dead, bringing one hand back into the nape of hair on his neck.

He hit a certain spot inside you, making you jolt. He chuckled, thrusting harder. "I think I found your spot, dearest." His voice had gotten raspier, if even possible. It sent a chill down your back, adding to your immense pleasure.

"Oh, James.." You moaned, clinging to his body. He groaned in your ear, never stopping his movements. His right hand drifted down your body, the ring on his pinky finger sending another shiver through you.

"You're so good for me, my dear. Come undone for me, love, please. You can do it, just relax." He coaxed you through it, two fingers reaching down to circle your clit. Your hips stutter and your back arches.

You moan as you reach your climax, euphoria taking over your body. As soon as James feels you clench around him and your release, he lets out a guttural moan, thrusting faster inside you.

"My goddess.. Y/N!" He exclaims, letting go. Once you both relax, James pulls out of you, laying down beside you on the bed. You both were heavy breathing, moving your heads to look at each other. "My darling," He was breathless, but brought his hand up to rest on your cheek and press his lips to yours. "Will you be my queen?"

You didn't hesitate to tell him yes. He smiled, leaning down again to kiss you. "Wait," You pull away. "Did you cum inside me?" Your eyes were wide as you saw him smirk.

"Well, dear, it looks like you're going to be mine forever."

#james patrick march smut #james march #james march x reader #james patrick march x reader #jpm x reader #evan peters imagine #evan peters #evan peters smut #evan peters x reader #evan peters x you #ahs hotel #james patrick march #james march x you #james march smut

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skelly-words · 26 days

Text

more bf!sukuna hcs, but he’s insufferable and stuck in my head. this is part 4…

warning: some NSFW, slight intox, minors DNI

NEVER lets you drive. he’s so misogynistic. “females are bad drivers” ass bitch. "you're gonna wrap us around a tree."

claims to despise when you baby him e.g. forehead kisses, scratching his back to put him to sleep, even fucking cuddling. don’t believe that shit for a second but pretend to and stop until he starts acting grateful.

way too confrontational to be taken out in public. just pretend you don’t know him when he’s pulling a gun on someone who stepped on his shoes.

you’d be broke if you bailed him out of jail every fucking time. at least let him marinate there all night before folding or call his dad to do it instead.

so messy. it's unintentional, but sukuna just leaves a trail of disorder in his wake. throw pillows on the floor, shoes in the walkway, and always leaving the lights on despite complaining about the utility bill.

throw him outside to do yardwork or something. he loves that shit. putting in a couple fruit trees, maybe stepping stones. by the end of the summer you have a tiered garden with slate retaining walls and an automatic irrigation system.

why does he have a green thumb? he's in a secret competition with the neighbors for prettiest lawn. and yet, you manage to kill the little succulent garden he planted for you.

a minimalist (derogatory). sukuna is always trying to throw your trinkets and knickknacks away when you're not paying attention.

he loves getting a little fashion show after you buy new clothes. it's one of the few cute things he'll admit to enjoying. it doesn't matter if the outfit is skimpy or modest, hearts are popping out of his eyes like in a fucking cartoon.

doesn't apologize under any circumstances. the word 'sorry,' isn't in his lexicon. however, he will leave his card on the counter before heading to work and pick up flowers on the way home and make reservations at your favorite restaurant. don't expect to hear a real apology though.

super duper tender-headed. you can't even detangle it without him whining. might cry if you try to do braids, twists, any kinda style. fucking pussy

irritating asf. actually hate him, idk why i’m writing this. i'd probably poison him and collect the life insurance.

UMM nsfw

calling sukuna something corny and dominant in bed (sir/daddy/king/etc.) out of the blue would make him nut. and he isn’t even embarrassed about it at all.

incapable of pulling off a quickie. i think this is more endearing than aggravating. he can't hit it right in just ten minutes. he'll ask for more time. and a little more. then it's been an hour and you're likely running late for something.

thinks you're hottest bent over (i'm not even projecting rn bc my ass is flat). don't worry, he thinks your face is cute, missionary is great too. but if you wore one of those pillow case ass house dresses with no panties he'd go crazy. i hate to air him out like this, but it's true. i gotta link this shit so you know what i'm talking about. makes him feral. maybe i am projecting bc i luv those dresses.

but anyway, he'd fall for the 'bend and snap' so bad (legally blonde reference). these are basically crack, sorry

occasionally forgets that foreplay is a thing and tries to go straight from light frenching to stickin it.

i feel like sukuna’s sunday nights are spent getting really high and kissing on you for hours. he just gets the munchies dude. leaving dewy spots of saliva on all your exposed skin. once he’s tasted that, your clothes is peeled off so he can drool on the rest of you. he doesn’t even realize how much of a tease he is. his mouth suctioned to your inner thigh… maybe i should just write this as its own thingy

p sure i said this already, but he’s a biter. gnaws on you like a mf chew toy. it’s an oral fixation thing, if you don’t like it buy him lots of lollipops and tic tacs.

ok i have to stop before i gross myself out. tyty for reading <3<3<3 have a wonderful day.

masterlist if you wanna read the rest

#sukuna #jjk sukuna #sukuna headcanons #sukuna x reader #ryomen sukuna #jjk x reader #jjk

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sugar-omi · 4 months

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I been listening to 18+ audios (plz don’t hate I’m already ashamed of myself) and I came across one that was academic rivals fuck to study better, all I could think about was Cove and Mc who grew up hating each other somehow end up going to the same college and fucking their brains out every study session and because they still kind of hate each other still they’re the biggest fucking teases

NO DONT WORRY BC I LISTENED/LISTEN TO THOSE N THEN I GO ON A SHAME STRIKE N THEN END UP PICKING IT BACK UP..... CURRENTLY ON SAID SHAME STRIKE BC MY EMBARRASSMENT ALWAYS CATCHES UP TO ME BUT WE'LL SES HOW LONG THAT FUCKIN LASTS.

but omfg that's so juicyyy... i have a absolutely sick migraine rn but I cannot ignore this.

gn reader, multiple choice dialogue.

the masochist in me likes to imagine cove pulling you into his lap, slipping his fingers into your mouth to help keep you quiet, and growls about how much of a dumb bunny you are.

you say you hate him, you can hardly share the same air without bickering. but you jump at the chance to be alone with him, feigning ignorance about the subject just so he'll come around to your side of the table n sit by you.. your hand sliding up his thigh to his growing bulge...

he helps you as if he doesn't know what you're doing, doesn't feel your hand sliding along his hardening length or undoing his pants, and tries not to moan when you're slowly stroking his heavy cock in your fist..

finishes explaining the problem, and you cheerily tell him you get it now. feigning more ignorance.

he doesn't let you though, tells you there's another problem you need to solve.

mmm, cove pushing the chair back and forcing you to your knees, even better if you're wearing shorts or a skirt and when you come up, you whine about the marks on your knees from the carpet.

telling him he's mean and disgusting. as if you wouldn't do it again just so he'd shove his cock down your throat, looking up at his pretty expressions, the expanse of his throat when he throws his head back... or the way he peers down at you with sharp, hooded eyes.

fight all you want, though. because he still pulls you into his lap, tugging off your bottoms n underwear and making you ride him.

he holds your hips, helping you grind those pretty hips so he can see your expression falter and eyes turn dreamy when his cock hits that delicious spot inside you.

pulls you into a kiss, making you use up the last of your brain power to French kiss, kisses you until he can't tell where he starts and you end.

doesn't let you do all the work too long, because even though he teases you for being needy, for having dick on the brain instead of hitting the books, he's also desperate, wants to see you fall apart on his cock, wants to make you moan his name even if someone overheats you.

he needs it. needs to carve his name into your body until all you can think about is him.

but then the sadist.... the same thing pretty much but reversed.

he's all grunts and moans, sweat dripping off his brow as he fucks into you so furiously. he hates your bad attitude, your snarky comments, but somehow he still finds himself sneaking into your dorm room at night, or jerking off to the thought of you or the risqué video you sent him in the middle of the night. teasing him.

or like right now, he has you on your back in his bed, your legs over his shoulders, his arms wrapped tightly around your midriff and face buried in your neck as if you didn't give him a scowl nasty enough to kill a man and sneered words thickly laced with hate and disdain.

even now, even though you're moaning so pretty, and your cunt is making obscene wet sounds from cove's desperate fucking / your cock making obscene wet sounds in your hand, your cock leaking and throbbing in your fist.

you're still trying to growl insults into his ear, telling him he's so desperate for some ass that he'd fuck the one person he hates. you'll laugh when he has a mouthful of your cock / cunt, his tongue moving expertly along your sex from the years of sneaking around and fucking, even if just seconds ago you were glaring at each other.

but you can't deny you want him, love fucking him. and he loves it too, and he can't even say anything back when you say that stuff. because yeah, you get on his nerves so bad. and even though he can fuck someone else, women and men damn near falling over him. it's college, you'd be damn pressed not to get laid.

but you.. he just keeps coming back to you.

let's you fist his hair and tug it, let's you bite his shoulders and neck. only if he gets to fuck you, grab your hips in his big hands and squeeze the fay of your ass. smack it in retaliation for a bad hickey or three.

let's you talk shit and call him desperate, call him a slut when he pulls you out the hall into a single person bathroom, holding your hips still and his shirt between his teeth, trying to push you both over the edge quickly before your lunch break ends.

only so he gets to fuck himself stupid inside your hot walls. and only so you'll text him that same night, telling him to meet you wherever you're at, a picture of your desperation attached...

#olba #cove holden x reader #smut #cove holden smut #ramble

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inchidentally · 2 months

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replying to asks abt the Drama today so pls skip if you're fully over that salfgjlagf (and bl 'tricky asks' to not see me respond to stuff like this - but I always put under a cut as well!)

oh my god this is a whole epic jfc and I'm p sure I repeat myself a lot I'm sorry <3

and for anyone who sees the walls of text below and is like pls tl;dr it for me bitch: today is one of multiple examples proving that Lando and Oscar are exceptionally able to maintain perspective and genuine consideration of each other given their situations and their ages. and that while they, like all teammates, will have ups and downs that they are FAR from the kinds of teammates to ever let the bad times linger or fester. I'm not going to be participating in flipping out or overreacting to it when it does inevitably happen but that it hasn’t even happened today! so I just don’t see a point in projecting the rare examples of melodramatic teammates onto Lando and Oscar as teammates. esp today when they both could quite easily have sniped at each other a bit even indirectly and yet they didn't! Lando at the team? absolutely! but like for anyone feeling sad or upset in terms of the landoscar of it all, I'm genuinely baffled ?? bc I'm personally out here impressed yet again at how well they've handled this ?? so yea <3

just to say, if you're someone who truly loves the Epic Highs and Lows of Formula One then good on you and continue having fun! some people live for The Drama and obv I'm not addressing or criticizing that at all!

but since I'm out here being regularly openly insane about landoscar and I've gotten these asks and seen people feeling upset, I def feel like it’s fair that I bring reality and reason into my posts as well being stupid akfgsalfg

so I've grown up with F1 passively in the background of my life (as in on the main TV in my house) and I'm still mostly a fake, but I've picked up some things over the years and one of them is that the average set of teammates aren't the melodrama ones. most teammates who enjoy genuine competitive closeness on the track just tick each other off sometimes but mostly like each other and hang out a bit - overall the average dynamic ranges from mildly indifferent to good buddies.

(brocedes and sebmark are outliers for a reason. and they did NOT just turn bad overnight. that toxic soup was brewing from the very start. but more about that later in this gigantic ass essay)

so once I realized last season that Lando and Oscar genuinely like each other and weren't gonna pop off over everything, my assumption has always been that they would have their tiffs and snipe to the press or avoid each other for periods but then get over it and go back to liking each other again - rinse and repeat! from a driver’s pov it's way more enjoyable and preferable to NOT be fighting w the guy you spend so much time and share a car with.

but !! that didn't happen and hasn't happened! with Lando and Oscar it very quickly went beyond just passively okay w each other - they've made active choices to show respect and fairness and consideration that for me has truly been exceptional.

and while I'm insane about them for narratives and rpf, the not insane part is how these two fit together so beautifully? like, Lando knows and says how his feelings and his brain can just take over sometimes and he struggles - that includes his feelings of anger and resentment. Oscar's primary trait is being calm and being able to be circumspect even under stress. Lando's actually said that he's learned from Oscar remaining calm. then you've got Oscar's 'hearteyes' and genuine admiration of Lando that shows up not in loud PR ways* but in quiet respect and standing back for Lando to shine and giving Lando his full dues. over time, Lando's come to 'hearteyes' right back bc of the respect and ngl genuine affection he feels for Oscar's fairness and respectfulness and his persistence in showing up and being happy for Lando no matter what. like, none of that requires embellishment and it's said by pretty much everyone including each other!

so to me, that means that when they do inevitably have 'moments' at the front of the pack together in future they'll ofc be grumpy w each other or resentful but it'll all be okay once they've cooled off.

but !! that was not today !! my entire day of reblogging is just a nonstop bam bam bam of them looking out for each other in the face of this drama and taking care to not feed the media who have been dying for them to hate each other since day one. Oscar apologizing and if anything being less celebratory today than he was in Monaco for his second place. keeping the post race short and simple** and not going over the top celebrating after the team photo. Lando repeating in his post races that Oscar deserved the win and that he didn't want the issues with team orders to overshadow that and literally reaching out to Oscar to say 'we're okay' right out of the car <3

so yea in the years they are teammates they will definitely have their off days and probably that'll happen at certain points this season - but genuinely ! it should not be taken for granted how mature and considerate and kind they've remained w each other since basically Austria last year ! that counts for a hell of a lot in terms of not assuming they're "over" every time team strategy screws one or both of them, or that they will become different people and suddenly cultivate melodrama.

and sure, anything can happen etc etc but I don’t see a point in just aimlessly waiting for the absolute worst to happen unless you actively want them to hate each other which seems like a huge waste of time but to each their own ldgfjlagfljsfg

guys… things like "why didn't he spray Oscar with champagne first" and "they had a moment where they weren't smiling" or "the cool down room was awkward" "Oscar didn't thank Lando like Lando did in Miami" “Oscar hasn’t liked such and such on instagram” is not only pointless self-torturing it's also all pretty easy to debunk by someone like me who follows a lot of teams and drivers and sees a ton of different sides to these things every weekend:

- as for the comment likes, Oscar hasn't liked everyone's comments that he should have - I did a quick pass and the standouts are he still hasn’t liked the comment from opeightyone (his own brand company!), still hadn't liked the Australian GP comment last time I checked, or Kym Ilman, literally a fellow Aussie who he talks to at every single race and who left a heartfelt comment. we need to give this poor guy a break and not ignore how much he was laughing and smiling with Lando just bc he’s struggling with the alerts on his phone !! (and as always, we have absolutely no way of knowing anymore when we can say how much the driver is doing vs what their sm team is doing. I saw in a story the other day that Lily had stopped doing her usual emoji replies to his posts for a while (she started up again after quali this weekend) and clearly there's been no issues between them so it's safe to say Oscar's sm officially isn't the true measure of his current relationships!)

- Lando and Oscar were already joking and smiling together before the champagne! so why would Lando then get mad and show it by not spraying him first? (EDIT: as an anon pointed out, when Lando runs over to the McLaren team member Oscar is laughing and follows him! so the plan was to drown the poor guy all along lol.) Lando and Lewis have a special bond from long before Oscar and Lewis and McLaren have had a bond even longer. if I hadn't seen ppl be upset about this I wouldn't have thought twice about Lando running to Lewis after having spend the first half the podium chatting to Oscar!

and just a quick side note, Lando had NO problem showing how mad he was before Oscar came into the cool down room when he threw down that hat and got huffy with Lewis when all Lewis did was say how fast the McLaren is! but every time Lando interacted with Oscar, he made sure to keep it together and be happy for him bc as he strenuously made clear in his interviews, his upset was at the team's directions but he didn't want it overshadowing Oscar's well-earned win. so if anything, view Lando rushing over to Lewis as an apology for somewhat biting his head off over a compliment lfgjflgsalf

- the drivers are exhausted and their default mode after a race is to be not smiling, like not even Lando smiled the entire time following his win. add to today that Lando hasn't been happy with second place for a long time and Oscar isn't an effusive guy and it's weird to think they'd be laughing and smiling nonstop.

- cool down rooms are literally always awkward ?? the drivers hate that there are cameras and conversation is always stilted. it’s where they go to … y'know, cool down, not get hyped lol

- Lando thanked Oscar in Miami bc Oscar showed what the car could do w his overtakes, guys. it was VERY sweet but it wasn't like 'thank you for my life Oscar' or even 'thank you for my win'. but even apart from that, Lando has fully taken on the rightful 'I'm the more established F1 star and the face of McLaren and it's my job to let the new guy know when he's done well' even back before he and Oscar had much of a relationship. but… and I’m about to spin off on this topic now… Lando does very well with this sometimes yes, but remember that the majority of his own feeds are also solely focused on himself like Oscar's and like most driver's are! and that he and Oscar both forget to like McLaren's content most of the time!

but also like……….

please let us please remember Oscar has the same rights to putting himself first as every other driver !! he may be remarkably mature and respectful to Lando and McLaren and exceptionally able to get over being set aside or even screwed over, but he's not a worm!

as far as questioning if him not 'thanking' Lando somehow negates his literally non-stop hearteyes-so-blatant-that-casuals-comment-on-it that he has for Lando every single week... guys.. Lily. like I'm positive he'll make a special post or story with her soon but he only said a quick "hi" to Lily after Ted brought her up and then did a generic thank you to everyone LIKE ?? the guy isn't even effusive about his beloved long time gf !! his love language is not in words* !!

but I also feel the need to bring smth up here bc there is a definite lean happening in some quarters of fandom into fully expecting and taking for granted Oscar's patience and maturity and ability to be happy for Lando no matter how much he's hurting or upset for himself. and I've got to raise everyone who says that the fact that Oscar is allowed to be like every other driver including Lando! he is allowed to feel frustrated or not be a perfect saint! in the earlier part of last year, Lando openly said he was uncomfortable being 'the older guy' and he frequently left Oscar in the lurch not knowing where to go or ignored Oscar to talk to or about his previous teammates. when Oscar hadn't been told the correct time for that major meeting shown in DTS, Lando was not hiding feeling fairly smug after Oscar said "is Lando already here?" and in Australia this year, Lando fully forgot to have anything to do with Oscar in what was literally Oscar’s home town and home country race to the point ! that in the podium drivers conference when a reporter brought up if Oscar was bummed about missing out on a podium, Lando stiffly said that he guessed anyone would want a podium on their home race - but he was far from sympathetic!

now before anyone thinks this is me having a go at Lando, I am not. I'm literally reminding the people who are reading too much into Oscar not saying thank you specifically to Lando in what was a much shorter and less exuberant overall race win celebration and post race video than Lando’s win was: it is not a big deal !! it is not some huge thing that Lando would even notice and that Lando has frequently chosen to not include or show gratitude to Oscar at times when we expected him to and !! it's fine because it really is fine !!

but when Oscar is seen to not cover every single base of gratitude and inclusion for Lando, for some fans it's A Problem or A Worry. and for some people, a broader thank you to the team and not specifically to Lando** is reason why Lando should despise Oscar forever and even consider leaving McLaren like the comments sections are insaaaane bro

these are two Normal Guys who are each living their Own Careers and while it's wonderful to enjoy the things that bond them and are special about them, they are still going to be Normal! and they will not view these tiny insignificant moments where they didn’t fully acknowledge the other with any magnitude at all! they are not expecting a level of devotion to each other that certain fans are! Oscar didn’t notice or care that Lando didn’t make anything special out of his home race and their pre-race fan stage was funny and sweet! Lando didn’t notice or even assume that Oscar should thank him specifically for team orders when Lando himself didn’t thank Oscar for team orders!

like I just cannot emphasize enough the importance of separating fun rpf narratives from reality. Lando tried to mess up Carlos’ parking job before the race as a joke to get back at him over the sign the day before - and then Carlos very firmly said that Lando absolutely should have given Oscar his place back and he even commented on one of Oscar’s posts despite not following him. this does not mean Carlos and Lando are beefing or that Carlos is being mean by going out of his way for Oscar! will I run with that single comment for carcar fodder absolutely - but that is fiction! nobody's mad at anybody!

and then there's the things that don't exist in Formula 1: "Oscar shouldn't have accepted the orders" "McLaren are out to get Lando" "Lando already gets too much hate"

- Oscar apologized for his pace and complications and he gave a very subdued little speech over the radio which was very big of him (and very wrong of McLaren to put him in that position) but if someone thinks any driver including Lando would even slightly imply "nah give the win to my teammate not me" then they’re categorically living on another plane of stan-ism that I can't comprehend. Lando literally said multiple times after this race how he has been the one to benefit from strategy working in his favor - both by McLaren and other teams. he's many many times made a cheeky face or made a joke when he's gotten away with something that fans of a rival driver or team were rightfully furious about. and if a person thinks it was mean when some ppl criticized the role that serendipity played in Miami then maybe that same person shouldn't start biting chunks out of Oscar about the same thing idk !!

Lando repeatedly said how much Oscar has done for him and if his Oscar-hating stans choose to think he's wrong or lying then idk !! he's being mature and fair so like, live n learn from your idol !

and can I just echo everyone saying 'please stop comparing this to brocedes or sebmark' or honestly even charlos? I'm doing bullet lists apparently so I'll do another one lafgljsafgsa

- brocedes is entirely due to their complicated and abnormally intimate lifelong history together leading up to F1. they were already Not Normal Friends and that made for the tinderbox that was their F1 careers together. literally they were destined to have to rupture that level of intimacy if they weren't going to just like get married to each other. they always needed to turn that relationship into something milder and less intense and it would always have exploded no matter what adult lives they had. F1 just made the explosion more violent and public. there’s truly no comparing them with anyone else.

- Oscar bears no resemblance to Mark and Lando bears no resemblance to Seb. Seb as he was in his heyday was... not shy or bashful about being a madman. sebmark never once looked like landoscar and it wasn't this huge revelation that that relationship would end up where it did !!

- Charles and Carlos have a negligible career/experience gap compared to Lando and Oscar and their temperaments are as much primed for friction as Lando and Oscar's are complimentary to each other. not to like 'they're so continental!' charlos but like, their already passionate natures got thrown into a rolling boil of Italian heritage racing and it's why the whole love/hate being sides of the same coin thing always happens with them. their families are even houses alike in dignity etc etc. it's Pure Drama and Intensity and always has been, both good and bad. they’re as terrible at using PR to smooth things over as landoscar are at not even bothering with PR. when Charles and Carlos are good together they’re passionately all over each other and when they’re mad at each other it’s messy and all over the press like a warring celebrity couple. Lando and Oscar are still delicately pawing at their relationship to know what it is and they still shyly touch as if seeking permission. Lando and Oscar are so not PR friendly that even Netflix gave up on them as a narrative entirely. Charles and Carlos are Shakespeare. Lando and Oscar are Jane Austen. Ferrari is the Capulet/Montague pride before the fall. McLaren is Mrs. Bennett trying to social climb using her daughters as bait.

as someone who follows blogs for multiple diff teams and drivers, trust me I see a lot of "my opinion of him is gone forever after this!!!" about something their own fave driver did even just a few races ago and absolutely will do again. same with "the team is destroying him and favoring his teammate!" like I straight up will see that said by each teammate's fanbase of the same team about the same race. this happens at different times throughout the season in every single team I follow - it even happened w Williams of all teams (tho so far that's just the once).

I'm a fake so obv I'm not going to weigh in myself but my cousins and their friends who watch F1 on the app at my house - and who aren't represented ethnically by any driver or team so they don't have bias - always have a much more calm and nuanced take. they assume every driver is out for themselves and by that very fact alone, teams have to take sides when the gap closes. and !! that millionaires doing an elite sport aren't experiencing mental distress over this sport the way common people experience distress over real life !! they go and bury their "woes" in extravagant luxury and an entire army of hugely biased family, supporters and fanbases all of whom think said driver deserves everything.

and that it takes truly heinous betrayal or outright evil to make these guys hate each other with any serious level of depth bc they all know they're The Selfish Asshole just as easily as the other guy.

so I personally trust their takes on things and it's probably why I've always assumed Lando and Oscar would be Normal and have their little tiffs like everyone else does. bc it's rule one of making it to this level of the sport that you have to think selfishly. straight up I'm astounded at how quickly they've both been able to shake that 'visors down' mentality that Andrea referenced in the post race video and see the bigger picture and not be The Asshole to each other.

and overall I don’t mind my dash being a warzone of wild accusations immediately after a race bc everyone usually calms down.

but there are certain things I just do not want on my dash and it's actually not related to what driver a person hates or not....

because while it's silly to see any of these privileged little princes as A Victim and Would Never Do That To Their Teammate (which would honestly get you laughed at by said driver) it's pretty common biased fan behavior. even tho Lando literally kept reminding people that Oscar's swallowed his own pride over things for Lando's benefit many times and that he (Lando) has been on the receiving end of podiums that came from strategies working in his favor (McLaren’s and that of other teams).

and like the idea that Oscar is now some heinous human being bc he's behaving like every other driver including Lando by Lando's own admission is hysterical. the idea that F1 teams are ever in any way benevolent kindly forces or that F1 drivers have anything akin to 'selflessness' over race wins is hysterical.

but where I draw a line is stanning for men in this sport so hard to the point of insane amounts of agonized doomposting and biased venomous rage. sorry but most of us don't want our precious time wasted agonizing over which self-confessed selfish millionaire in a sport founded on and maintained by pure elitism is feeling So Bad and So Sad! that he runs off to be comforted by a beautiful woman/women and adoring family and coddling hangers-on and legions of worshiping, wholly biased fans and millions of dollars on gigantic yachts because the absurdly unnecessary sport he gets to do isn't "looking after him well enough" or "prioritizing his happiness" !!!!??????

like fuck I'm a callous bitch ig but I'm not feeling an ounce of genuine upset whenever one of these men experiences a level of "my sport makes me sad". "oh but it's all they've known !! it's all relative !! money and privilege don’t equal happiness and privileged men suffer too !!" oh stfu no it doesn't and no they're not like stockholm syndrom victims and if they're so unhappy then they can put on their big boy boots and take their money and go fucking do something else holy SHITTTTT

am I not here for allowing any portion of my human empathy to go to a fuuucCKING F1 driver jeeeeeeesusss. all of these men fully have the potential to get metoo’d or exposed about smth bc they're all capable of doing awful things by the time they're in F2 -male pro athletes are NOT objectively safe spaces to hang human morality or to assign automatic grace and good intent - let alone bleed pain or feel sadness for their race results or issues with their teams.

there is no acceptable moral relativity for me and these men and this sport are only of interest to me as a hyperfixation that gives me enjoyment in the form of narratives and a very specific, surface degree of enjoyment.

it’s fine if Lando or Oscar feel their feelings of frustration or anger etc but no way in hell am I going to feel remotely sad for them ??? they’re fine ?? there are genuinely sad things in my life and in the world and millionaires wanting trophies and points isn’t among them !! I’m not entwining my day-to-day happiness in any way with what they get up to and I’ll take what I can enjoy from them and ignore everything else.

and to wrap up this epic which I’m only indulging in bc I do feel like my blog sometimes seems like I’m pushing my own silly narratives on others and genuinely I’m not intending to - most of the reason I actually got drawn to landoscar and wanted to engage in fandom about them is precisely because their real life non-rpf dynamic is so unusually mature and considerate and not toxic or like, at all even overtly masculine. yea I originally got drawn into f1blr for the usual bromance rpf types like carland0 and dand0 etc but I didn’t rly care enough to engage in any way.

but I think this is why I know that the ppl wanting Lando and Oscar to become this insane toxic mess are going to keep raging with disappointment - kind of like how I knew Lando and Max would be perfect again after just a few days while so many ppl hoped it was the start of some battle royale to last years that would end their close friendship. and why I knew Logan and Alex would end up with a genuine, heartfelt friendship when so many ppl assumed Alex would see Logan as one foot out the door and just wait to bond with a more worthy teammate. now we’ve got Alex saying how he and Lily casually talk about Logan for no reason at all and their friendship surviving Alex being given Logan’s car <3

I genuinely don’t bullshit myself into enjoying dynamics unless they feel real - so whatever friction I ever sense between Lando and Oscar as a result of them pushing each other to be the best they can be and helping to bring McLaren from the back of the field to WCC contender, isn’t at odds with them being gentle and unusually private and earnestly aware of each other. bromances were always Lando’s PR insurance with his other two teammates - a nice bandaid to cover moments where cracks showed or Lando didn’t hide his emotions enough. it’s something a lot of teammates use for the same purpose. but Lando and Oscar deciding to forgo that and have their little privacy door to shut out everyone else but each other from their drivers rooms, and how they will be doing interviews and then get distracted talking to each other over things that only interest them, and traveling and hanging out together without giving McLaren PR any material to use… like that’s a lovely, tender little unpretentious narrative to enjoy. watching them tiptoe so cautiously around an almighty cockup on McLaren’s pitwall side and Lando trying to pull himself up out of murky defeat for Oscar and Oscar deciding to celebrate so modestly because what a mess that ending was for them both.

like I just don’t see a need for trying to invent ways to be unhappy or miserable or fabricate a doomed anything when they’re both still so sweet <3 <3 (and honestly it’s the same old tune of McLaren’s strategy needing a swift smack around the head)

tysm babe and I hope this one helped as well <3<3

#inchreplies #tricky asks #mamma mia atsa gigantic ass text post #inchidentallyanessay

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alatushours · 9 months

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☆ 3:27 AM, featuring xiao — even during the tough times, he’ll always be by your side.

contents. fem! sick + insomniac reader, hurt / comfort + lots of fluff <3 xiao calls you “angel,” reader is rather clingy, self indulgent, xiao takes a bubble bath with you bc he loves you sm ♡ tw. illness, nightmares, crying, and non sexual nudity. word count. 1.6k.

notes. hey um… i apologize if this was not what you expected during the holiday season but i am have been sick + incredibly stressed this month (∩ ˃̣̣̥᷄ ᴖ ˂̣̣̥᷅∩) so i kinda needed this… on the bright side, i am so thankful for all of the positive feedback on my previous post! it makes me very happy to see you all enjoying my work ♡

thin beams of moonlight filtered through the curtains, illuminating your shivering form on the bed. it was several hours past midnight, yet you still lay wide awake, hair splayed across your pillow like a halo.

it’s cold, you thought, pulling the blankets tighter. why is it so cold?

it felt freezing outside, yet your body felt like it was baking in an oven. that, and the dark visions swirling in your already throbbing head was enough to make you sob in misery.

you lifted your head slowly to check the clock on your nightstand. 3:27 am.

you buried your head deeper into your pillow, as if that could take the pain away. oh, how you wished your lover was here. he always made you feel better, loved and cherished.

as if on cue, the door clicked open and a lone figure stepped inside the room.

“hey, angel,” xiao whispered. “i heard you call my name… are you doing alright?”

you stayed silent. it would only trouble him if you told him about your condition. you didn’t want your boyfriend to worry about someone like you, not when he was already battling so much himself.

unluckily, xiao seemed to be able to read your mind; or at least, he was awfully good at knowing when you were hiding something from him.

“hey, don’t ignore me like that.” xiao made his way over to the bed, turning on the lamp on the nightstand before sitting next to you. “i know you’re awake, and something’s wrong. just tell me, what happened?”

hearing his voice, so worried and gentle, was enough to make your determination break. you threw yourself into him with a sob, feeling his warmth envelop you as his arms immediately snaked around your waist. you started crying, confessing your bottled-up emotions to him.

“i-i… my head hurts s-so bad a-and i can’t sleep and everything is j-just so hard right now and i can’t do th-”

you were cut off with a soft kiss. it was short, just one peck on the lips, but it was enough to make you calm down just a little. your sobs slowly turned to sniffles as xiao gently stroked his fingers through your hair, whispering kind words in your ear.

“shh, angel, it’s okay… i know things are difficult right now, but i’ll always be here… i’ll always be by your side, alright? as long as you need me, my love.”

you nodded into his chest, burying yourself deeper into his warmth. “i… thank you…”

“there’s no need to thank me. this is what lovers do, right? they look out for each other. you’ve cared for me so many times before, when i was injured or struggling with my karmic debt. it’s about time for me to take care of you.” he took one of your hands in both of his own, circling his thumbs over the back of your palm.

“now, is there anything i can do to make you feel better? a glass of water? some food? do you want me to draw a bath for you?”

“… a bath would be… nice…” you murmured.

xiao pressed a kiss to your forehead. “i’ll get it ready for you, my love.”

he started to stand up, but something triggered in the back of your mind, for you didn’t let go of him. “no… don’t leave me alone… i don’t wanna be by myself…”

xiao sighed, but didn’t complain. instead, he picked you up, bridal style, and carried you over to your shared bathroom. he kissed your forehead again before setting you down on the toilet lid to fill the tub with nice warm water for your bath. bubble baths always seemed to make you feel better, xiao had noticed before, so he made sure to add extra soap to the water.

before long you were seated in the bathtub, which was filled nearly to the brim with bubbles. seeing you giggle at the sight brought a smile to xiao’s face, but he couldn’t help but still be worried. how did you deal with this when he wasn’t here?

he’d discovered your insomnia a few months ago, and you’d assured him that you were used to dealing with it; but were you really okay by yourself? he’d seen the dark circles under your eyes. and the way you had broken down tonight…

“xiao?” the sound of your voice brought him back to reality. “is something wrong?”

he shook his head. “i was just thinking, darling. don’t worry about me.” he sighed, letting go of his doubts. “is your bath okay? do you want me to be with you?”

you looked down at your hands, fidgeting under the water. “i’d like that, but… i haven’t been feeling well, and i don’t want to get you sick too…”

xiao chuckled. “i’m a yaksha, love. i don’t get sick that easily.” he stood up from where he was, removing the mask from his belt. “just relax, alright? i’m here.”

he undressed and joined you in the bath, foam swirling around his body. "come here, i’ll wash your hair for you," he gestured. you obeyed, making yourself comfortable by his side as he moved to grab the shampoo.

“it’s been a while since we’ve been together like this…” he sighed, feeling himself relax as he lathered the shampoo into your hair. “i missed doing this with you.”

“me too…” you smiled softly, remembering how you used to wash his hair for him after he had a nightmare. funny how now it was you who was getting your hair washed instead.

the feeling of his fingers massaging your scalp was soothing, as was the feeling of bubbles on your bare skin.

xiao’s hands removed themselves from your hair, moving down to your back. a sigh left your lips as he massaged your shoulders. “is this nice?” he asked.

“mhm,” you closed your eyes, leaning back against his chest. you both stayed like that for a while, held in each other’s embrace. you couldn’t stay there forever, though, as the water was starting to get cold.

xiao got out of the tub first, quickly drying himself off before holding out a hand to help you step out. a big fluffy towel was draped around your shoulders, followed by a soft kiss to your temple.

“did that make you feel better?” xiao asked quietly.

you smiled. "yeah, i'm doing a lot better now…" you turned around, standing up on your tippy toes to kiss him. "...because of you. thank you, xiao."

"of course," he replied immediately. "it's what i'm here for."

he helped you get dressed in your pajamas, draining the bathtub and hanging up the towels before walking you back to the bed. "i know you said you were feeling better, but i don't want you to get worse tomorrow. i'm gonna get you some medicine, okay?"

you hesitated. "y-yeah, that's fine…"

xiao raised an eyebrow. "are you sure? the lamp will be on and i'll only be gone for a minute or two, but if you don't feel comfortable by yourself, i can take you with me."

"um…" you looked around the bed, spotting your favorite rabbit plushie that xiao had bought for you as a gift when you first started dating. you grabbed it and hugged it close to your chest before nodding. "yes! i'm fine on my own, don't worry about me!"

xiao chuckled, "that's my brave angel." he kissed your hand before standing up. "call for me if you need anything, alright? i'll be right back."

he left the room, leaving you alone with your stuffed animal and the feeling of your lover’s kisses to keep you company.

all was silent for a few moments. you were trying very hard to think happy thoughts; how grateful you were to always have such a loyal and caring boyfriend by your side. however, the darkness that lingered in the back of your mind were starting to push their way forward again. you squeezed your rabbit tighter as you tried to shake the thoughts from your mind.

i need to be strong, you thought. for xiao. he’s been so brave for me, so i need to be brave for him, too.

before long, xiao returned with your medicine and a glass of water atop a wooden tray. “i’m back,” he said, putting the tray down on the bedside table. “were you alright on your own?”

you smiled at him. “yeah! it was a little scary, but i wanted to be brave for you.”

“for me?” he sat down, measuring out your medicine for you. “you could’ve just told me you were scared, and i would have taken you down with me. come on, take your medicine.”

you did as he said. xiao sat behind you, brushing your hair for you as you downed the bitter medication.

soon after, you and xiao got ready for bed and climbed under the covers together. xiao pulled the blankets around your shoulders. “are you comfortable, love?”

“mhm…” you mumbled sleepily. “can we cuddle?” he chuckled and pulled you closer to him. you laid your head against his chest, tracing the tattoo on his right arm down to his hand, which was intertwined with his other.

“sleep. i’ll be here when you wake up.” xiao whispered.

“do you promise?”

“i promise.”

“seal it with a kiss,” you joked. he did just that, pressing a kiss to your lips.

“there. now go to sleep.”

"okay!" you giggled and snuggled close to him. slowly, the doubts from earlier in the night started to fade. although the fear wasn’t fully gone, having your boyfriend by your side definitely made it a lot less scary.

"good night, xiao. i love you."

"i love you more."

ending notes. edit, i wrote the first authors note about a week ago so i am not sick anymore lol but i still wanted to post this for those who are needing a bit of comfort this holiday season <3 also just bc xiao and forehead kisses >>> i hc to be taller than he is canon lol but anyways, there will be some special holiday posts between today and christmas day, so look out for those :)

© alatushours 2023. please do not copy, modify, or translate my work in any way, nor upload to any other platforms. in the meantime, if you enjoyed, please like, reblog, and consider leaving a follow! it helps a lot ♡

#໒꒰՞ ܸ. .ܸ՞꒱ა mari writes !#xiao x reader #xiao fluff #xiao comfort #genshin impact xiao

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mrghostrat · 9 months

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i was hoping to stream this afternoon but i woke with my shoulders hurting so bad that i have absolutely zero capacity for anything. to the point where i experienced my first autistic rumbles in the supermarket 🥸 but i have adhd meds now so maybe we can try tomorrow.

zita's suspected i'm on the spectrum for a little while now, but i've always been on the fence about it. there's a lot i don't relate to. but most of that is bc i have so much learned behaviour, and i mask really well. when i try to break down how i think for autism diagnostic quizzes, my gut reactions DO fit the bill, but they are so so so buried under 30 years of life experience that feels like it comes naturally.

but i am an introvert. an extreme introvert. even while living alone with my best friend, who i get on perfectly with and feel zero need to mask around, i still need to excuse myself and be left alone in my room from 10pm at LEAST.

so i only really unmask when i'm dead alone. even though i dont feel like i'm putting up any kind of front around of zita, i still do, automatically. the only time i see myself completely bare is when i'm alone and it's silent and there is absolutely nothing challenging my comfort.

sooooo hoooooo boy waking up in pain, with zero capacity to even finish a thought, still empty of ADHD medication because of the fuckin manufacturing shortage (thankfully today's trip into town was to finally pick some up! but that wasn't until noon), i got to see a side of myself i don't know if i've ever actually seen before? maybe as a kid but i can't remember specifically that far back?

i've been short tempered and overwhelmed and exposed to sensory nightmares whilst home alone before, but it's usually so quick bc i'm at HOME and i can adjust the situation and i never think much of it. i felt like a bluescreen at that supermarket today, popping in for less than 10 things across 3 aisles.

it was so busy. there were so many people. i felt dread just to walk through it, so aware of my own body and the space i had to inhabit. but par for the course so far. what was less par for the course was having to stop and look at my list every 3 steps, unable to put together a course of action in my head: chicken is on the far left, so we grab that first and get broccoli on our way to the soup aisle. but the broccoli is right there. do i grab that first, go get the chicken, but then double back from where i just came? i might get myself some bananas too, how do i fit that into my path—

i had to keep stopping and looking at my list because every item i thought of made me forget the previous one i just looked at. eventually got fed up with myself and went to the closest thing and started there, regardless of whether i'd have to double back or not. that's what trips me when i take these quizzes n shit. i can get over the hump and do the task in the end, so that must mean i'm totally allistic! no autism here.

i remember thinking "jesus christ this is bad" when i was on my way to get zita's soup (if you've read this far, thank you and kisses to you, pls send some loving vibes to zita by reading her fic i just reblogged, bc she's got a cold and is miserable today) so i was kinda aware i was having a bad sensory day. as expected: there were a lot of people there, and i was in pain. but i just short circuited looking at soup. zita gave me the brand name and soup type of 3 cans she wanted. and i went to the aisle i've been to a thousand times, found the brand, and just stared. it was all stew. all chunky brothy things with bits in. not a single creamy soup in sight, so, the soup must be somewhere else.

i came to that conclusion immediately but i couldn't. process it? or like, what to do with that information. the soup is somewhere else. OR IS IT? keep looking at this shelf to make sure, your eyes are tired, you might've missed it. there's like 20 different cans of campbells here, just keep reading them left to right until soup appears. still no soup? read them again, you might've missed it. maybe campbell's is out of soup? read every other brand here until you Don't see soup, then you can walk away and try somewhere else. but if you don't see any soup, read it again because you might've missed it.

thankfully it took all of 30 fuckin seconds for a store employee who was shelving next to me to see my glazed fuckin stare and ask if i needed a hand with anything. and i stammered through some "haha my silly eyes today!! haha thanks! sorry, thank you!" as she happily pointed like 3 metres down the aisle for me, while my internal monologue immediately raged like "wtf why would they put the soup that far away but also barely far away at all, what's the point, bad design 😡"

got soup. check list: packet of gravy. zita told me the gravy was in the same section as the soup. it was not. i walked up and down that aisle five times and there was no gravy. i just. i had completely forgotten how to problem solve. it was the strangest, most frustrating experience. like i was looking at an empty word document in my brain, with a little flashing cursor and everything, so i knew it hadn't frozen over. it was just empty.

i even had the thought "just walk up and down the aisles until you find gravy; you have to do this all the time" and even had ideas of which aisles to start with. but my brain said no. we're not going to walk around aimlessly, even if we have a neat little structure and path to follow. we were told (by myself, too) this would be a quick in out trip, pluck the known items off the shelf and beeline straight for the checkout. so meandering down aisles was for some reason non negotiable. i wasn't in a rush. i had nothing to do today. i barely even felt a rush to get out of there, as busy as it was. it just wasn't an option.

so rather than start solving that problem i just jumped to the next thing on the list. strepsils. text to ask what kind she wants, have a whine about my broken brain, ask if she knows where the gravy is. remember when i pass the hair brushes that i broke my hairbrush this morning and need a new one!! oh and i've been wanting new hairclips too. look at me picking a new hairbrush and poking through the hairclips for one that i know will feel comfortable against my scalp, i'm not autistic because i can change my plans and make decisions on the fly.

oops didn't mean for this post to be an entire play by play of my thoughts through this extremely bland grocery shop. i cannot believe how long i stood there choosing soup. the line at the self checkout was so long and i felt the dread kick up again. barely/silently whispered "oh god" to myself when i realised the line, but repeated it about 20 times to feel the tap of my tongue against the roof of my mouth before i realised i was doing it. stop that, don't mutter to yourself. but i'm standing still in a line and there's nothing left to (ineffectually) problem solve, so the second i stop i notice a weird little slice in the plastic around the trolley handle that i can't stop flicking my thumbnail against.

OK. we need to stim. heard, chef. just click your piercing ffs. your mouth might look weird when you do it but at least everyone can see you're just clicking your teeth against your piercing, rather than talking to yourself or damaging public property.

something made a noise, can't even remember if it was a child or a trolley or what, some loud sharp single high pitched screech a few metres away, and i jolted so hard i thought i felt like i was going to throw up. finally think, fucking hell i'm autistic today. my back hurts. which is making my head hurt. i want to go home and take my vyvanse.

#ghost scribbles #autism #extremely long unimportant recount of my day #but it was quite cathartic to write #feeling very vulnerable and tired now ufgh

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ahamkara-apologist · 9 months

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Okay I kinda get being dissapointed at how they rushed the Sov sibling reconcilliation with just one conversation after drawing it out for months but y'all...this really isn't the end-all-be-all of Crow's character arc, nor is it necessarily out of line for him. His biggest weakness is that he's a bleeding heart who lets people walk all over him- remember how he decided not to get revenge on Spider despite Spider very literally keeping him as a slave? Or how he killed a psion because he was too empathetic to a hive guardian? As much as I love him, and as much as his love is a terrifying force when weilded correctly, he's soft and weak. He always has been. He was bound to forgive Mara eventually, esp. since they have a psychic twin bond going on.

I think y'all are also forgetting the fact that Mara has had quite a bit of character development over the past year or so and has very notably been more open about her emotions and better about keeping herself out of Crow's life- because she got bitchslapped by the reality of what she'd done to him in Season of the Lost and then got shaken to the core by her confrontation with the Witness in Witch Queen. She hasn't been 'defanged', she realized that the way she was acting qualified her to be a Disciple (aka the worst of the worst, the enemy she'd been hellbent on fighting this whole time) and that in tandem with Crow's rejection upset her deeply enough for her to change her behavior, which hasn't been as apparent until now. Idk how y'all can forgive how Uldren Sov slaughtered hundreds of Awoken citizens and wreaked havoc on the Reef but is changed as Crow without also acknowledging the fact that Mara herself changed as well. It's not as dramatic of a difference because it happened more gradually and without intervention from a Taken Ahamkara and the Traveller, but its still there and is the most apparent its ever been right now. It wouldn't surprise me if the reason why Crow is forgiving her now- apart from the fact that he's a softie and discounting potential Riven bullshit- is because she's proven she's changed by both keeping her distance and being more emotionally open with him, as well as open about how she knows she fucked up. That's the second thing Uldren wanted other than her approval, after all.

Also, it's been like, 2 years of Crow being pissed at Mara and avoiding her, so them starting to make up now is kinda necessary even if it feels a bit rushed. I personally would have loved to see more snark and nettling from Crow's end, bc I love conflict and sibling angst, but it really isn't out of character nor is it throwing away Crow's character arc. It would have if Mara hadn't changed, but she has. And while I myself love storylines where victims don't need to forgive their abusers and can exert their wrath upon them as they wish, the fact of the matter is that how such a situation needs to be dealt with varies immensely on a person-to-person basis, which the writing team has already proven they're capable of understanding. Just look at Calus's and Caiatl's relationship! That ended with no reconcilliation because Calus simply refused to change, while Mara has spent the past year trying to get Crow to feel comfortable with her as an equal in conversations and open up to him more and trying to break her habit of watching him like a hawk- aka, acting like an actual sister rather than the pseudo-mother figure she'd picked up from Osanna. Ofc Crow the softie is going to respond to that, esp. since he's got a psychic connection to her via Awoken Twin Magic and seems to have been walking Uldren's memories as of late. He just genuinely is really fucking bad at holding a grudge.

(And while its easy to go 'oh the writing is lazy and rushed', I also think its kinda sus that Riven specifically talks about the human wish to reconnect with family right after the Sov sibling talk happens. It wouldn't surprise me if she picked up on Mara's desire to reconnect with her brother and pushed Crow towards forgiving her. It seems like she's been trying to pull Uldren's memories to the forefront everytime she talks with him and that could be a big factor as to why he's been reflecting on them a lot recently)

#destiny 2 #mara sov #uldren sov #crow #like id have loved for more fighting and drama and tbh i miss mean bitch mara #but also this is entirely in line with crows character and also. mara deadass is not the person she was before #turns out that learning your actions are seen as admirable by a xenocidal alien entity #is a pretty damn good incentive to buckle the fuck up and learn to change for the better!!

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crypticjackal13 · 2 years

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i've noticed how there's been lots of family related content going on here 👀👀 so if you don't mind me keeping the train going, may i request a (separate) mayor, SWK, macaque, syntax and nezha with an s/o who is a single parent ?? and maybe s/o has a child that was shy and a bit awkward towards them at first meeting because s/o's kid didn't know what to feel knowing that their parent is dating someone, yet overtime after they hanged out more often, they slowly warm up to the boys and even started to admire, and like them where it's gotten to the point where the child was comfortable, and happy enough to be with them that they calls them 'dad' ??? 🥺

Anon I like the way you think 🤩

Also I may or may not have gotten ahead of myself and added MK and Redson because I'm still on a roll from the parent scenarios >:00

MK, SWK, Macaque, Nezha, Mayor, and Syntax x Single Parent!Reader (moreso platonically talking Abt their kid!)

The best with kids! He finds it very easy to engage with you and your child :)

Also pretty protective of you and them. Not helicopter-level but still worries a substantial amount

He understands that the child may not like him at first, but he still tries! No matter what age they are, he finds a way to entertain them!

If the child is able and willing to be picked up, he does. Holds them in his arms, on his shoulder, piggyback rides—you name it

He also tries to take some stress off of you when he can. If you’re helping the child with some homework, he’s fine with tidying up a bit around the house

When the kid starts warming up to him, he has the time of his life as they talk to each other about their interests. He definitely passes along his favorite stories about Monkey King

Cries when the kid calls him “dad”. Like omg it’s like a waterfall ;-; he’s so happy

10/10 he’s super fun to be around and always has a treat for them

SWK

He’s very good with children, but he never pictured having one himself. Now that he’s with you he’s a little more open to connecting with them

No idea what to do at first. Probably freezes up but still tries to talk

You’ll have to nudge them both to start socializing

He begins by telling them simple stories from his life—nothing about the violence or bad parts of the journey, but probably others like how he became immortal

Allows the kid to gently play with his ears and tail. He wants them to lead, to size him up, bc he’s afraid of being too rough with them

When the child starts being more open with him he starts being more open too. He acts more like a dad during this time

Loves the little family dynamic he has with you now. He looks forward to seeing your kid, he looks forward to bonding with you both

Stims SO hard when the child refers to him as their dad. Like yes!! That’s him!!!!!

9/10 just because he would probably think in the mindset of “ok this is a baby monkey”

Macaque

He can tolerate kids. But he hasn’t had to worry about being around them a whole lot ever since leaving FFM. That being said, he is terrified of messing up

He treats them like they’re made of glass. You’ll have to encourage him a lot—he reminds himself that this isn’t just some stranger, it’s your child.

The one thing he masters very quickly is bedtime. He loves telling stories and playing with the shadows to help lull the child to sleep :)

Really good at helping you and the child with a daily routine. He’s 100% there to pick them up from school, he goes to the parent-teacher conferences with you, heck, he’s not half-bad at homework.

Once the two are closer, he offers up the idea of training them to do karate or some kind of martial arts. It’s a great bonding experience.

So patient with them. If the child ever shows signs of needing space or time to figure something out, he steps back. He makes it clear he is willing to help and then lets things play out.

Really good at pretend play. The best French waiter impression in the pretend restaurant :)

When he is referred to as “dad” he realizes he’s in for the long haul and is SO okay with it.

10/10 shows up in a shadow portal at their school to drop off their lunch

Nezha

Man’s is going into this knowing very little about modern kids. But like everything else he’s done, he’s gonna put all the effort he can into it.

Probably really formal about it? The kid is so confused and actually laughs at him a little

You have to give him tips here and there. Like, no, they don’t know complex arithmetic yet, don’t bond with them over a conversation about it?

He likes being active with them. Trips to the park, simple backyard games like tag or hide and seek—it’s honestly super nice and relaxing for him and he likes seeing them energetic and ready to chase him

He’s really intelligent about many subjects, so he’s probably the best out of all of them for homework or studying.

He picks them up from school using his fire wheels and the kid LOVES it

He reads those parenting books if he feels the need to or if he needs serious guidance, but more often than not he comes to you for advice

Acts like it’s no big deal that he gets called “dad” but on the inside he’s jumping for joy

9/10 the kid has to educate him on what My Little Pony is because he has no idea about modern media

Redson

So so so afraid of messing up. His childhood was rough in every sense of the word; with his powers having to be toned down by a whole lot and then his own father being sealed beneath a mountain with his mother left to raise him alone. He wants your kid to have a good childhood.

He’s very practical. He doesn’t imagine a whole lot and this leads to a lot of dead-end conversations with your kid.

Eventually he says “screw it” and not only reads a ton of parenting books but also decides to go along with any tangent or question the child presents him with

It’s entertaining to watch them try to figure each other out

More than anything Redson likes to try and cook meals for you all. He’s got fun-shaped pancakes down to a T.

Definitely hypes the kid up at school. Drops them off and picks them up in his coolest vehicles, puts their best grades and projects on the fridge

He likes having the kid meditate with him every once in a while, just to show them how to just be.

Like Nezha, acts very casually at being called dad. But he will cry as soon as the child is out of earshot

9/10 he “accidentally” teaches the child to refer to their classmates as peasants.

Mayor

He’s a busy man by default. But he’s learning to balance everything as he spends more time with you and eventually is introduced to your child

Before anything, he reads the books and consults anyone on his staff with kids. He talks to you as well. How should he talk to them? What do they like? Is there a certain food they enjoy?

Cool, calm, collected. Waits very patiently for the child to assess him and answers any questions they have.

He involves himself in their school stuff. Very attentive to the quality of teachers, how the child is doing in their classes. Second most useful in helping them with work(first being Nezha).

Takes the kid with him to work every once in a while to show them around. The most dad-like out of all of them. In appearance, in attitude, and of course in jokes.

After a particularly dumb pun, the child laughs and says “dad that’s so bad!” And this man FREEZES

Cries about it to you, is so happy to be accepted by your child and have you both in his life

10/10 he owns a #1 Dad mug now :)

Syntax

Listen I love a scientist spider as much as the next guy but I cannot see him liking kids. It’ll take a lot of effort on your part to get both him and your child to hang out with each other

He’s hesitant, he isn’t sure what kids even like, so he makes a peace offering of sorts. He shows them his software where he can code games and what not

It’s interesting to the kid so they end up talking with him about video games and science for a while

Slowly but surely they get along really well! Syntax really does try his best because it’s for you, and in the end he can’t honestly say he doesn’t love your child too

Very engaging when it comes to schoolwork, he finds it easy to explain things in a simpler or more entertaining way than the dumb directions do!

Before long he’s actually offering to take care of the kid while you’re busy or pick them up from school. It’s the highlight of his day when they hop in his car and show him the high score they got on a science project because he helped them!

(Takes them for ice cream after because OBVIOUSLY this is a very momentous occasion)

Shocked when they call him dad. He never thought he’d be deserving of that title, or even of that position, but he’s been doing it all along and he’s proud to call them his child as well as yours.

8/10 rough patches here and there but he’s got the effort!

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