#be v close to tearing up on this bus i am so full of love i want to puke

[milflewis]

i get to hold a baby tomorrow. taps the mic. hello is this thing on i get to hold a baby tomorrow are you hearing me i get to

[finelinevogue]

I am *respectfully* begging for a oneshot based off the song Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift🥺

okay let’s have a bit of fun with this mwhaha;

The moon was at full peak.

She was sat in the black canvas of a starry sky, shining down on the party below or at least so you thought she was. The flute glasses glowed under her brightness and bubbled with happiness. The pool was reflecting her image so beautifully. Everyone looked amazing in their gorgeous evening outfits of silk and lace, Gucci and Prada, chatting and laughing away as the night was close to striking midnight.

“Such a lovely party, Y/N.” Another guest thanked you, you not having the faintest idea of who they were.

You and Harry were hosting a dinner party in the back garden of his Malibu palace to celebrate his recent success over this past year. He’d had movie after movie, along with an album and a tour. He had done exceptionally well for himself, so he wanted to throw the most lavish party to celebrate with his friends and family that had helped him through it all. You had been in charge of organising food and a live band, Harry in charge of the guest list, Mitch in charge of decorations - bu really it had been Sarah - and Gemma in charge of the drinks; specifically champagne.

“I’m glad.” You smiled, as you poured yourself another glass of the bubbles. You felt the warmth of someones hand slide onto your exposed back, making you shiver with temptation and love.

“Have I told you just how beautiful you look this evening?” Harry spoke softly against your ear, kissing over the skin where his words had touched you.

He had been showing you off all night, always introducing you as ‘my beautiful girlfriend’ and keeping you close to him whenever he could. He would pull out his wallet and show people the picture he kept of you in there. It was one he’d taken of you laughing as you ran away from him on the beach. Even though the photo was black and white it was obvious how happy you were. He loved having you near and whenever someone said that they hadn’t seen you yet, he knew to go straight to the desserts table and find you shovelling yet another chocolate coated strawberry into your mouth not-so-gracefully.

“You have, but I won’t stop you if you want to do it again.” You replied, quite enjoying the flattering compliments. You’d dressed yourself in a silky evening gown that was in a deep red colour and Harry was having a hard time keeping his hands off of you. The front was v-cut, with the back completely open too, so it left your skin exposed for Harry to treat himself to. You turned around in his hold and pushed your body into his, making him hum in appreciation.

“I can’t stop thinking how much I want to kiss you.” He looked at your lips as he spoke, wanting to stain his own lips with the bold colour you’d painted on yours. You were so delicious and he wanted to devour every inch of you.

“Well what’s stopping you?” You reached a hand up to scrunch his curls under your fingers, the bracelets on your arm sliding down and jingling with another.

“Meet me upstairs in 5 minutes.” He replied, making you furrow your eyebrows in curiosity of what he was playing at.

“Should I ask why?”

“You shouldn’t, I don’t want to answer when my mum is standing just across the room.” He made you both chuckle, before leaning back from you to give you a quick once over. “Wow.” He breathed out, the biggest grin to his face. “5 minutes.”

And then he was gone.

You bit your lip as he rushed straight over to his mum and sister, who were both eagerly smiling at him. You couldn’t help but fall in love with him a little more at the sight. He was so innocent and full of love and happiness, you were so in awe of him and his beautiful qualities.

You did a quick scour of the room, making sure there were no unhappy faces, before heading in the direction of the bathroom to freshen up before visiting Harry. As you walked up the stairs you noticed a conversation between one of Harry’s cousins and one of his American friends, it sounded quite argumentative so you went to make sure everything was alright.

“You both okay?” You asked sweetly, your heels clicking on the floor as you approached them.

“God you’re just everywhere aren’t you?” The friend laughed, but you could tell she wasn’t laughing for a joke.

“I’m sorry?” You asked shocked at her tone, wondering what the problem was here.

“You’re so up in everyone else’s business always.”

“I don’t understand—”

“No of course you don’t. God, I understand why Harry finds you so annoying and clingy.”

“Kia—” The cousin gasped in shock of Kia’s words.

“No, you know i’m right Rachel just be quiet.” Kia shushed Rachel and brought her attention back to you.

“Harry thinks i’m clingy?” You asked, trying to understand what was really going on.

“That amongst lots of other things.”

“He would never. He loves me.” Your argued, slight tears in your eyes from letting her get to you like this. It was different than tabloids because you were actually hearing it from someone’s mouth, rather than an edited and faceless article. It stung so much more.

“And? Did you really think he would ever stick around for someone like you?” Kia laughed and then walked off, strutting her and her perfect body away from you and back to the main party area. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, trying to understand what her words truly meant to you.

“Y/N…” Rachel tried to console you, but you didn’t want her. You wanted Harry and yet now you didn’t.

“Do you think all that too?” You asked quietly, scared to hear an answer. You got your answer though when she spoke nothing and tilted her head down in shame. You understood. “Okay, thank you.” You quietly said and tried your best to smile, but you knew it didn’t reach your eyes.

You started walking towards the stairs, thinking what this all meant. You always had a back thought that Harry was too good for you, but you just never let yourself be put in the position to think upon that thought. Now though. Now, you were thinking.

Of course you would be naive enough to think that your happily ever after would be with the one man who’s heart could be taken by every other woman on the planet. Even your university teacher had once talked about having a crush on him and he had only been 21 at the time. You never thought here, when he was 27, would you possibly be the one to hold his heart. You did, though, but it wouldn’t be forever - Kia was right, Rachel was right. Everyone knew, but you were just too blinded by his love for you right now to think that it will just wilt away in the future. You were a rose, beautiful and in it’s prime as it flourished on the love it was fed, but after time when even the smallest amounts of love are forgotten to be given the rose wilts and so dies. It’s forgotten about in turn and left to degrade itself into oblivion.

You walked the stairs slowly, completely numb to your core. How could all of 5 minutes turn your emotions 180° and permanently? Your brain ran over the thoughts and little moments that you should’ve picked up on before. Like, when Harry forgot your anniversary and blowing it off that he had been at some work-do but he’d really been at Karlie Kloss’ birthday party. Like, when Harry stopped sending you postcards when he was on tour. Like, when he did that heart-rate test and saw a picture of Camille, looking utterly stunning, on the Victoria Secret runway his heart beat was incredibly high. Is that what he wanted 30 years from now? A model? Someone who was in the same business as him and could understand. You tried to, you really did, but it was starting to feel like maybe you weren’t to be enough.

Making your way down the hallway this way, you couldn’t help but feel like it was for the last time. There was this gut feeling that whatever Harry wanted you for, was going to make sure you were both reminded why you couldn’t be together.

“Damn. You’re a vision.” Harry whistled and you then spotted him at the end of the hallway, the moon shining in through the window and lighting him up like the pure angel he was. You weren’t worthy of his heart. You could only chuckle, not having the passion to make a flirty comment back. Not anymore.

“Listen Harry—” “Okay I have to ask you—” You both talked at the same time, bringing only a nervous chuckle to your face.

“You first.” He offered.

“No, you.” You offered back and he took it.

“Okay, alright.” He breathed in heavily. “You’re so beautiful.” He started, making you blush a little but it was dim up here so you weren’t worried about him noticing. Hopefully he didn’t see the sadness in your eyes either.

“Thank you.” You replied humbly.

“And I want to be able to wake up and tell you that every single day—”

“Harry…” You cut him off, your heart having just dropped so low to the floor.

“Yes?”

“Is this…”

“If you let me continue, yes.” He laughed, thinking that you were happy for him to continue. He was about to, but you cut him off.

“Don’t.” You said, a shake in your voice that was very apparent.

“Don’t— what?” He asked confused, stepping closer to you and only for you to step back. He stopped when he noticed that he would not be able to make distance to you, furrowing his eyebrows and looking hurt. Really hurt. Pain that you and you alone were causing him.

“Don’t ask me the question I think you’re about to.” You held of your hand to both stop him coming closer and to stop him talking. “Just don’t.”

“Baby… what?” Harry asked confused, tears visible in his eyes now. He just wanted to be near you and understand.

“Harry… Don’t make me say it.” You warned him.

“Say what?”

“Harry…”

“Y/N, say what?”

“No!” You shouted, loud enough that people downstairs might’ve heard. “No, Harry. No. I won’t marry you.” You started to cry and let the tears fall freely. You deserved to feel like your heart had been ripped from your chest, the same way you deserved to cry forever. You deserved nothing but pain to repay the damage you’d caused Harry.

“Wha—” He started, but you were too selfish to stick around and watch him crumble. You shot off down the hallway and down the stairs, making your way to the front door. Luckily you didn’t have to go through the masses of people to face the disappointing faces. Luckily no one had to see your cries, except Kia. She was stood by the front door, holding out your coat already as if she were waiting for you.

“Kia what—”

“You thought this evening was for Harry? No. It was for you.” She shoved your coat to you, making you stumble back from the force.

“What?”

“This was your surprise engagement party, with the surprise being the fucking engagement. Everyone knew about it apart from you. He had this plan of asking you and then coming downstairs to everyone yelling surprise. Seems like you fucked that up though.” She sneered at you and your sobs fell from your throat harder than before, your makeup ruining the prettiness of your face as it ran from all the salty tears.

“But you…”

“I what? Said a bunch of bullshit? I was only saying things you’ve heard a million times before. I was making sure you were the right person for our Harry. Seems like you’re far from it.” She chuckled, shaking her head in disappointment at you.

“You’re cruel.”

“No, Y/N, you are. You just did the one thing that I would’ve never done; break Harry’s heart.” She looked at you in disgust before opening the door for you. You gave her one last look, hate in her eyes for you, before you walked outside with the door slamming forcefully behind you. Your heart being left besides Harry’s broken one.

[ladyartemesia]

Fic recs for taehyung? I love your stuff btw I’ve read them all uwu

As a beacon of extra-ness in an already extra world, I am entirely incapable of just recommending fics like a normal blog. No. I’ve got to wax on like a bloomin connoisseur. I have compiled some (but not all) of my favorite works in several different categories and sorted them accordingly. This crazy list is so long I had to add a “keep reading”... but I simply couldn’t bear to leave any of these off the list. They are all so good!

Fics have been divided into 8 categories. Some are under the cut. 

 ▨ FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS and FRIENDS TO LOVERS ▨  ▨ ARRANGED MARRIAGE ▨ ▨ FANTASY ▨ ▨ ANGST WITH A HAPPY ENDING ▨ ▨ HYBRID and ABO (alpha/omega) ▨ ▨ MULTIPLE PARTNERS ▨ ▨ NEIGHBORS AND ROOMMATES ▨ ▨ TABOO THEMES and DARK FIC (Sex Work/Power Imbalance/Very Unsafe Sex) ▨ ▨

▨ FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS and FRIENDS TO LOVERS ▨

Insomnia by @hobiwonder

This is one of those fics I read and literally could not stop thinking about. It is wildly hot and honestly hilarious. Poor reader cannot sleep and the beautiful bro she’s tutoring offers a rather unconventional solution.

(Ego) Hoe Chronicles: KTH by @suga-kookiemonster

Listen. If you find a niche fan blog devoted entirely to Ego Tae... I’m not gonna say it’s mine. But it’s probably mine. I once told suga-kookiemonster that I would literally read a story about Ego Tae going grocery shopping on a Wednesday night and I stand by that. In this lurid romp, the reader falls into the clutches of everyone’s favorite bohemian sex lord and he rails her into another dimension.

Falling, Falling, Gone by @johobi

Pining (mutual or otherwise) is not really my thing, but I would straight up read Jo’s laundry list if she posted it. As usual I was blown away by how everything she does seems somehow better than any other version of it. This reader is really unique as well, and her relationship with the wildly popular soccer star Tae comes to a sexy and hilarious head at a sort of bachelor auction. With sharp dialogue, delightful subtext, and fantastic side characters, you really shouldn’t miss it. It’s pretty much perfect.

A Friendly Favor by @baeseoul

This is the classic “teach me some sex for another woman” trope and it is done so well. Sweet best friend Tae is looking to benefit from your experience, but his is not the only world about to be thouroughly rocked.

Officer Kim and the Criminal Crush by @ddaengyoonmin

This is one of the best twists on childhood friends to lovers I have ever seen. Tae grows up to become a cop and reader grows up to be a societal menace. I won’t spoil it, but it’s the perfect blend of nostalgia, tenderness, and smut. This fic technically doesn’t have a name so I had to give it one to link it. It’s part of an AMAZING series Zoe did that I also highly recommend.

Out of the Blue by @jimlingss

This is one of those stories that blooms throughout the narrative until you are left with this gorgeous flower at the end. I loved the journey of these two characters. It was real and it perfectly captures the experience of finding your soulmate in the person you least expect.

Sin Pijama by @brilliantlybasicb

This fic is a switch culture fic. It is wild wicked hot and this Tae is unreal. I love the way he lets the reader think she is in control just long enough. It is a wild romp with an adorable sequel and honestly you should read it.

Girls Like You by @jjiminah

I was in jjiminah’s asks IMMEDIATELY about this fic because I had FEELINGS. The reader begins wordlessly teasing and tempting Tae on their morning bus ride every day until he is literally losing his mind. Everything that follows is fire. Jjiminah has hinted she will wrote more for these two and I NEED IT.

Sighs and Sonnets by @btsaudge

This fic is beautiful. Like it’s basically art. This is a bad boy who is bad for you. But he has the soul of a poet and the stroke game of a renaissance master. Bittersweet and seductive, this fic is a full experience.

The Text by @taetaesbaebaepsae

Tae is your friend with benefits but it looks like feeling may have been caught by one or more parties. When you attempt to soothe your aching heart with another pretty boy, Tae decides to stake his claim. This was very sexy. The whole fic was sexy.

▨ ARRANGED MARRIAGE ▨

Monster by @neonlights92

Monster and all of its companion series about each of the boys is one of those fics that I reread constantly and also just think about constantly. This is one of the best mafia AUs out there and it’s characters are vivid and unforgettable. Tae’s stubborn resistance to his lovely new wife in contrast with her quiet, clever strength really brings this story to life. A word of warning. The masterlist links are a bit messed up. To read part two you must click on part three. And to read part three must click on part four. The link to part four is at the bottom of part three (or you can just search it on her site. It is definitely all there though).

Dichotomy by @kpopfanfictrash

There is a reason the incomparable Shanna is on this list three times. She is truly incomparable. This is childhood friends-to enemies-to spouses and it is wonderful. I adore this Tae. He is sharp and vulnerable and occasionally heavy handed, but truly a gem. This fic also features one of the best angry sex scenes I’ve ever run my eyeballs across.

▨ FANTASY ▨

Chism by @kpopfanfictrash

The world-building in this story is genuinely awe inspiring. You could write series upon series within this vivid universe. The god of Winter is missing and Summer’s heat burns unchecked for many years. The reader is a warrior with a unique ability tasked with guarding a very interesting prisoner. This story is so good. I mean it is really bloomin incredible. It’s hard to say what I liked best about it, because it was stellar across the board.

Obsidian by @kpopfanfictrash

In the pantheon of delicious Tae incarnations, Obsidian Taehyung is essentially unrivaled as a grey witch who moonlights as a sexy rock star. His extremely erotic clash with a white witch detective plays out as the two of them track down a sinister killer (with the help of some truly memorable side characters).

Out of this World by @ddaengyoonmin

This one is really unique. Tae is a merman scientist on the water planet of Neptune and when the reader and her misguided crew crash into his sea, he takes it upon himself to improve inter-species relations. This fic features excellent world building alongside several twists and surprises. Clever scientist Tae is downright irresistible.

▨ ANGST WITH A HAPPY ENDING ▨

Picking Flowers by @jamaisjoons

So this story is a journey - truly a beautiful one and it’s a gorgeous addition to the hanahaki genre. There is real pain and I cried real tears, but gosh it was so sexy and so worth it. I was surprised by how truly immersed I ended up in this piece. I lost track of everything else. The end is insanely satisfying, but the journey is really what makes this fic unmissable.

Until Yesterday by @jimlingss

This fic destroyed me slowly then slowly put me together again piece by piece. When I say I went through it - I WENT THROUGH IT. The story is loosely based on the movie “The Vow” and it is just fantastic. Beautiful and tender till the last word.

The Foolish Muse by @bibbykins

This is the story of someone who is deeply in love, but knows they deserve better. It is a sexy and evocative work with allusions to mythology that fit seamlessly into the narrative. I think my favorite part is Tae discovering how much the reader meant to him and what choices ultimately lead them to a really delicious conclusion.

Back to You by @ladyartemesia

The last time I did a fic rec list, it got like 700 notes. Ya girl is not makin the same mistake again. I spent hours on this list. My work is comin along for the ride. Kim Taehyung is the love of your life, until one day he disappears without a trace.

Vacancy by @ppersonna

This one is the only idol AU on the list and I normally don’t read those, but Lindy’s work is too good to miss in any setting. I am thrilled I took a look because what I found was a glimpse into a beautiful relationship that weathers and eventually overcomes the challenges of loving in the limelight. There is a LOT of emotional depth and symbolism which really elevates everything about this lovely story. The reader’s internal struggles in the face of her lover’s fame are extremely well done.

▨ HYBRID and ABO ▨ (alpha/omega)

Eye of the Tiger by @opaljm

I am beyond hype about this story which is (very) loosely inspired by Zootopia and features a cocky tiger Taehyung and a fiesty prey hybrid he needs to fake date in order to keep panther Jimin from murdering him. (Tiger Tae got a tad too frisky around Jimin’s mate and now things are dangerously awkward.) This story is already so freakin good. I cannot wait for the rest.

Silver and Blue by @taetaewonderland

What happens when you get on the wrong side of the right werewolf? Very sexy - very crazy times. Chronologically this is the first of the Silver and Blue series which follows barely civilized were-Tae through his courtship and eventually his relationship with the spunky reader. Holla to all my impreg kink homies. This is the fic for you.

Heat Run by @ladyartemesia

As I said before, the last time I did a fic rec list, it got like 700 notes. Ya girl is not makin the same mistake twice. I spent hours on this list. My work is comin along for the ride. Alpha lawyer V is a man of many secrets, but his well ordered reality spirals wildly out of control when he crosses paths with a fiery omega set on saving the world from his wicked ways.

Beautiful Stranger by @interludemoonchild

This was a wild ride from start to finish. Taehyung is a tiger hybrid shifter who escapes from the circus to be close to a veterinary student he bonded with. There is a lot of interesting twists and surprises in this one. I was definitely screaming at the end.

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell by @jingabitch

A very young wolf hybrid Taehyung adopts you as his pet human when you are just a kid. After Tae leaves to serve in the military he returns to an adult version of his sweet little princess and chaos ensues. Mind the tags for this one folks. It’s excellent, but there are very triggering themes throughout.

▨ MULTIPLE PARTNERS ▨

Level of Restraint by @lemonjoonah

This is not strictly a Tae fic in that he is only one of three major players in this twisted masterpiece. Lemon is the undisputed queen of the surprise twist and this one is truly brilliant. People dropped this fic in the discord calling it the best fan fiction they had ever read and I am not here to argue with them at all. Fair warning, every word - every inch of this fic is sexy and it’s delicious brand of titillation is wrapped around your psyche good and tight by the end.

Four by @luxekook

The quadruplets next door are fueling your very lurid fantasies. It turns out they have some fantasies of their own... You will need water if you read this fic. This is the original patented Kim Taehyung Horny Hive Mind 4D Experience™

▨ NEIGHBORS AND ROOMMATES ▨

The Heat Wave Series by @curly-bangtan

The original story (chapter 1) in this series is definitely famous, but I don’t know how many people have read all 9 chapters and if you haven’t, you are really missing the incredible journey of two very horny idiots stumbling recklessly towards real and amazing love. Everything is set off when the air conditioner breaks and a pair of wild roommates shed their inhibitions along with their clothes.

Flicker by @chimoona

So this fic started out with adorable neighbor dynamics and ended with erotic rope tying. Baby I was ABOUT IT. This was so bloomin hot and also like sweet and tender. Really a sexy and sentimental treasure.

Not Your Typical Flower Shop Story by @jungtaeyoongles

This story goes from “aww” to “WHAT THE-” real quick. Fast paced plot and twist after twist turn the whole flower shop au upside down and then inside out. I can’t say more because spoilers but like - WOW.

▨ TABOO THEMES and DARK FIC ▨ (Sex Work/Power Imbalance/Very Unsafe Sex)

Extracurricular by @ppersonna

One of my favorite professor-student AUs. The reader writes her gorgeous professor a borderline erotic analysis of several major works of art and he feels compelled to discuss it with her privately. Lindy really outdid herself on this one. It is scorchin. Professor Tae is actually really sweet and somehow that just makes the whole thing hotter.

Akrasia by @nitaescence

This is insanely hot. Emphasis on the insane because it’s basically a super erotic romp where you have sex with a man you don’t know (Taehyung) on a crowded public bus. I literally felt my blood pressure going up the longer I read. Whew.

The Client by @jungkookiebus

This one hit me right in the feels. Taehyung is a sweet and lonely man who has a standing Wednesday appointment with an upscale sex worker. As the story progresses, feelings become involved on both sides. When I say I am checking her page thrice daily for part three... This is so engrossing. And this Tae. I just want to hold him.

Daffodil Dreams by @sombreboy

Tread carefully ladies and gents. This story is excellent, but it is easily the darkest fic on the list and, if you choose to read it, please read the trigger warnings carefully. The reader is a psychologist called in to analyze a very dangerous criminal. As their sessions progress, however, several boundaries are crossed.

Obey by @jjkfire

Taehyung is the most feared and ruthless member of the local mafia and you are the world’s most inept escort. You needed a job, but had no real interest in sex work and you’ve managed to fly under the radar as a glorified waitress until Kim Taehyung himself walks into your agency and decides that you’re the only girl he wants. Oh my gosh I loved this story so much. It was downright amazing and there is a surprise at the end that makes everything even sweeter.

[marvelmymarvel]

Just Kids (Part 8)

Shouta Aizawa x Reader

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

Synopsis: As the quiet kid, no one expected you to end up as Hizashi Yamada’s best friend. But Shouta Aizawa?? That was right up your alley. High school was hard, especially as upcoming heroes, but maybe the 3 of you would get through it together. But this is no happy ending, this is high school after all.

Song: Detention by Melanie Martinez (Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q6IW2aul43A)

Warning: Two words - Tension Makeout

A/N: Only 3 more parts!!! I can't wait and I hope you guys have enjoyed this series!

I'm not a bad guy So don't treat me bad if I'm feeling sad, alright?

5:30 PM, that's how late it was when you were finally released from detention. You only had to serve one time since you were a good student, but if it were to happen again you would no longer be seen as such. “Damn quirk” you growled into the empty hallway. Everyone had already gone home or to the dorms...

The dorms.

Please don't be mad if I don't smile back, alright? If I fuck up my words, don't think I'm absurd, alright? Alright?

Your stomach churned with the thought of seeing him again. After your little kiss, you thought for sure Shouta would be upset. What would you say to him? How could you tell him that your kiss was just caused by all of the emotions and not because you were in love with him? You could tell him all those things.

But they were all lies.

I'm physically exhausted Tired of my knuckles beating I'm chewing gum to pass this time Sadness, can't you see it?

Your eyes drooped a bit, finally taking it all in. He didn't love you back, he would never love you back. “Long day?” Your scream echoed out as the new voice came from beside you. Spinning towards it, you saw Hizashi leaning against the lockers with an unamused look on his face. Your face fell into a frown as you turned forward again. “Like you would care” you grumbled out, gripping your bag as you began to walk again. Hizashi grabbed your wrist, silently asking you to stop, which you did. Letting out a sigh, you stopped and looked back at him.

You're too busy seeking self-pleasures Look at how I'm feeling You write me up and say it's love And I can't believe it

“I know I seem like I’m doing all of this for myself, but it's tearing me up inside seeing you this way” His words were meant to be comforting, but they only made your stomach churn all the same. It wasn’t that you were upset with his words, no, it was because they made you happy. “Oh ‘Ashi” you cried out, lunging towards him and capturing him in a hug. His own arms wrapped around you, holding you close to him as you cried. There was nothing sexual about it and he didn’t want you thinking that he wanted to get you back as a girlfriend.

Hey, can you meet me tonight in detention? I can feel your blood pressure rise, fuck this tension Let me crawl up into your mind, did I mention? Pretending everything's alright is detention

But he needed you in his life.

“I wish you could forgive me and we could go back to being friends...” he cooed as his hands ran up and down your back, you paid attention to where his hands went and not once did they trail lower than the middle of your spine. He was being serious. Pulling him in tighter, you felt him melt into you. This was him, this was the man you loved. Not the bratty popular kid who made fun of you, or even the boyfriend you called home.

This was your best friend.

De-detention De-detention Pretending everything's all right is (shh)

“I hate pretending. I want to be your friend and I want to be myself again” You nodded against his shoulder at the words he spoke. It was time to stop pretending, it was time to come clean. Pulling away, you pursed your lips at him. Maybe he could help you...

“I don't think Shouta likes me... And I-I love him... I don't know what to do” you sputtered out as you angrily wiped away the tears. Hizashi’s smile took you back a bit, didn’t he think the same way? After all, the three of you were best friends for a year. Hizashi’s hand came up to caress your cheek, it wasn’t sexual or suggesting anything, it was...

Peaceful.

The teachers don't care about me Fuck how I feel, as long as I make money They let them do whatever they want to me They're the customer, I'm chopped meat I'm chopped meat

“You’ve always been so naive” his whisper echoed in your head while the feeling of his thumb caressing your cheek had your stomach doing flips. The disbelief in your heart showed on your face but Hizashi knew you would still deny the truth. Shouta loved you first, that truth was there all along. No, it couldn't be true, he would have kissed you back. “W-well, sometimes he t-treats me like chopped meat! I-I mean c’mon! I don't know what you’re suggesting bu-”

“GOD, you never shut up do you?!” he exclaimed playfully, gripping your cheeks between his hands to affirm what he was saying. The smile on his lips fell as he loosened his grip on your face, sadly, he knew why you felt this way. “You don't think you’re good enough for him...”

I'm physically exhausted Tired of my knuckles beating I'm chewing gum to pass this time Sadness, can't you see it?

Your lip trembled at the words, the words that you’ve been trying to swallow down for the past year. This wasn’t the first time you didn’t feel good enough, you felt this way before you and Hizashi started dating. But Shouta was different. Hizashi scoffed at your silence, but he didn’t need it to confirm that it was how your felt in the first place. “I’m going to be honest with you, Y/n... When I started dating you, I was seeking my own self-pleasure. Because of that, I’m afraid that you think you’re not worth it.” Your body felt frozen in place the more he talked. 

You're too busy seeking self-pleasures Look at how I'm feeling You write me up and say it's love And I can't believe it

He did use you.

“Are you using me now? Am I still some self-pleasure to you?” he closed his eyes at your words, afraid to look at your broken spirit. “At first, yes... But then I fell in love with you” he answered truthfully. His voice may have sounded firm but he was shaking inside. He was trying to fix himself for you, and he was so afraid that his honesty would mean the end of everything. Closing your eyes, you tried to calm down the anger and sickness that swirled inside you. He loved you, he really did, but he used you. “Shouta loved you more than I did, though” 

Your eyes shot open and met his. 

Hey, can you meet me tonight in detention? I can feel your blood pressure rise, fuck this tension Let me crawl up into your mind, did I mention? Pretending everything's alright is detention

Hizashi bit his lip as he pulled his hands from you, he didn't deserve to touch you like this. Shouta did, he always did. “I’m not going to pretend and say that this is alright” you croaked out as you brushed the old tears away from your cheeks, he never deserved these tears. Hizashi’s eyes dropped down to the floor where his feet kicked at the linoleum, this was it, the part where you leave and he never hears from you again.

De-detention De-detention Pretending everything's all right is detention

You stepped forward and wrapped your arms around him. Hizashi’s eyebrows crinkled in confusion but he softly wrapped his own arms around you, holding you close in a way that gave him hope. He was bad once upon a time and only wanted to be popular, but then you came along. “I say you go home and tell Shouta you love him, Y/n... His feelings for you haven’t changed” he whispered against your temple before giving it a soft kiss. You nodded under him before pulling away. 

“Thank you” your words were sweet and full of forgiveness as you pecked him softly on the cheek. While your relationship was a flop, he still made you feel a certain way. Gripping his hands one last time, you let go and started to walk quickly towards the dorms. Hizashi stayed back and watched you walk away. His heart broke at the thought of you being with Shouta, but he knew he would treat you better anyway.

I wanna go home and you say, "Now is not the time" Fuck being all alone in the back of the classroom, ah Stop calling up my phone, trying to say that I've been out of line When all I ever asked was to go to the bathroom

Your mind worked on autopilot as it led you through the dorm and up to his room. What were you going to say? Was Hizashi lying? Your thoughts were cut short as you came face to face with his door, what were you going to do? Taking a deep breath, you knocked on the door and took note of how your heart hammered in your chest with each knock. Shuffling was heard behind the door and you suddenly felt like you were going to snap. This tension, this stupid fucking sexual tension between you two had to stop.

The door swung open and you were greeted with a shirtless Shouta, “Y/n...” he started, cheek growing red from the remembrance of what had happened at lunch. “I need to explain-”

Hey, can you meet me tonight in detention?

“Shut up” you snapped as your hand extended out and pressed against his chest. You gave a push and were pleased with the way he flew back into the room. Storming in, you used your quirk to slam the door shut behind you. Shouta stood there with wide eyes as you approached him and shoved him down onto his bed.

I can feel your blood pressure rise, fuck this tension

His bed bounced with him but you gave no time for him to stand as you straddled his hips. “I”m tired of this tension,” you growled, hand gripping his hair as you tilted his head back to look at you. His pupils were blown out and you could feel the slight hard-on underneath you. His hands gripped your hips, silently reassuring you that this was wanted. Your lips came down onto his, your fingers only gripping his hair harder the more you devoured his lips.

Let me crawl up into your mind, did I mention?

His hands began to move your hips, trying to gain some relief with the friction alone. He began to bite and nip at your lips as you continued the movements he had started. A moan flew from his lips and echoed into your mouth, only urging you to grind harder. “So we are done pretending?” he groaned out, pulling from you to take a breath.

Pretending everything's alright is detention

You nodded down at him, running your thumb over his swollen lip. Your lips curled into a smile as you noticed the lust swimming in his eyes, so Hizashi was right. “Good” Shouta stated gruffly before gripping your ass and flipping you onto the bed. Your body bounced with the bed as he came back down onto your body. Your legs spread for him as his hands crawled up your shirt and to your chest. 

Tonight I can feel your blood pressure rise

His blood was pumping fast, and you could feel it against your fingers as you gripped the back of his neck. Shouta’s hips ground down onto yours, eliciting a moan from your lips as your head flew back against his pillow. The new angle allowed him to attack your neck with his lips, sucking and nipping where you needed the attention most.

Let me crawl up into your mind Pretending everything's alright (is detention)

He smirked against your skin, pleased with the sounds coming from you. Leaning back up, he gazed down at you from where he was sitting between your legs. “We have a lot to catch up on... Don't we kitten?” he growled while grabbing the waistband of your skirt. You nodded quickly, excited that this was the one you were going to lose it to. 

You just hoped it was a good idea.

Tags: @lysawayne​ @wesparklebitch @txxrxng @uwuhuffelpuff

[wanderingaroundwriting]

Gally ~The Death Cure~

Prompt: *Plus Size Reader*

"It’s not as bad as it looks.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N stood beside Brenda, holding tightly onto the girl’s arm. She couldn’t believe what she seeing. 

Gally. 

Gally was a live. 

“How are you alive...we saw you die.” Newt spoke, breaking the silence. 

“No...you left me to die. I was was rescued not long after you by Lawrence. He is the leader of The Right Arm.” Gally answered. 

“So what you are a good guy now?” Thomas spat, he was growing more and more angry. 

“I was never the bad guy Greenie.” Gally replied, within seconds Thomas lunged for Gally, punching him to the ground. Y/N shouted at Thomas to stop, every ounce of her didn’t want to defend Gally but she couldn’t help it. Frypan and Jorge both pulled Thomas away. Gally stood up and wiped his lip of blood. 

“I deserved that.” Gally stated. 

“Gally if you say you are a good guy than can you help us? WCKD took Minho and we need to get him back.” Newt explained. “We need to get into the city.” 

Gally thought for a moment. 

“Lawrence can help...you have to get permission from him to enter and if he does...he knows the best ways.” Thomas knew better than to trust Gally but he could be their only way of saving Minho. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The ride to where The Right Arm was located was rough and bumpy. Y/N never let go of Brenda and refused to look at Gally, she couldn’t bring herself too. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They arrived to an old warehouse that Y/N didn’t want to enter. 

“Before we see Lawrence...just don’t stare at him.” Gally warned, everyone shared glances. Y/N linked her hand with Newt as they began their way towards Lawrence. They stopped at a large metal door where Gally opened in. 

“Gally...who have you brought back?” The man asked, as soon as Y/N looked, se understood exactly why Gally said not to stare. She felt Newt grip her hand tighter, assuring her she was fine. She looked at her friend and gave a faint smile.  

“Friends...from the maze. They need help entering the city to save someone important to them...to me too.” Gally explained, Y/N looked at Gally.

“How important can be?” Lawrence asked. He approached the group and stopped at Y/N. 

“V...Very.” Y/N whispered, avoiding looking at him. 

“Well then...I guess you do need my help. I can get you into the city no issue but only two of you go with Gally...the rest stay incase this is some trick.” Lawrence told them. “I can’t put my full trust in people I don’t know.”

“Newt and I will go.” Thomas spoke. 

“Come in and we will talk about how you are getting in.” Lawrence told them. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Y/N sat in silence beside Frypan as they began to discuss their options. 

“Underground tunnels are the way in...but once we reach WCKD we need to have a way in the building.” Gally said to them. “And I know that way.” Gally took Thomas and Newt outside onto the balcony. 

“You ever going to talk to him?” Frypan asked. Y/N looked down. 

“He...he hasn’t even looked at me.” Y/N spoke softly. “I can understand why.” 

“He made his choice not to leave and you made yours...don’t blame yourself.” Frypan assured her, she nodded her head. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Come back safely...both of you.” Y/N said to Thomas and Newt before giving them both hugs. Y/N looked at Gally who was opening the way to the tunnels, she wanted to badly to hug him, to hold him, but she gave a soft smile to the boys and backed away. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

After what felt like hours Thomas, Newt, and Gally returned but not alone, they had Teresa. Y/N ran over to Teresa to hug her but Gally quickly blocked Y/N from doing so. He glared down at the girl. 

“It’s okay Y/N.” Teresa said. Y/N fought back tears and moved away. It wasn’t till Gally sat Teresa down that she noticed Teresa’s hands were bound together. 

“You are going to help us get Minho.” Gally spoke. Teresa looked over to Thomas. “Don’t look at him, what are you looking at him? Look at me.” 

“Even if I could get you in...Minho isn’t where my access card will let me in.” Teresa told them. 

“You get us in that building and I can handle the rest.” Gally told her. Y/N looked at Thomas who remained silent, letting Gally intimidate her with no remorse. 

“You don’t have to be-” 

“Have to be what? She is the reason Minho was taken Y/N!” Newt shouted, he had never risen his voice at her before. 

“He’s right...she isn’t who she said she was back in the maze.” Gally added. Y/N not being able to fight her tears back turned away and left the group, she rushed outside and welcomed the cold air. She wiped the tears that still formed. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Y/N...” She quickly turned and saw Newt looking at her. She turned away and said nothing. “I am sorry I shouted at you love.” He approached her gently. 

“Then why did you?” She asked. “No matter what she did...she is my friend...the first friend I made...”

“I...I haven’t been completely honest with you all and I know telling Thomas will be hard.” She looked at him, confused. Instead of telling her, he showed her. He rolled up his sleeve and there was a large scratch mark that looked infected. 

A Crank. 

“Newt...” The tears began to form again, it explained why he had lashed out on her. Without saying anything else, she wrapped her arms around his waist and hugged him. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her closer in. 

“I will tell the others.” He assured her. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When they returned inside they were all gathering supplies to start their mission of getting Minho. Y/N walked past Gally and straight towards Brenda and Jorge. 

“You are going to be with us...apparently there are others that have been captured. We are going to use a bus to get them all here safely.” Brenda explained. Y/N isn’t tough like Brenda or brave like Teresa. She isn’t sure how she had lasted this long without being killed. 

She was scared. 

“You are going to be alright.” Jorge told her, placing his hand on her shoulder. 

“I can’t imagine I will be much help...” Y/N told them. She looked over at Gally, for the first time he looked at her, she quickly looked away. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Waiting outside the city walls with the bus was hard for Y/N. She knew knowing that her friends within the walls could be in trouble made her heart ache. She worried about Newt, she was scared for Minho, she felt guilty for Teresa. 

“They should be in there by now.” Lawrence who joined Brenda and Jorge said. “Gally knows what he is doing.” 

“Why did you save Gally?” Y/N blurted out. 

“When we found him he was barely breathing, I could have left him to die, but I also saw he was infected...leaving him there alone wasn’t something I could do...just a kid.”  Lawrence explained. “And now he is one of my strongest guys and most trusting too.” Y/N nodded her head, agreeing with everything he was telling her, because he was right. In the maze he was the strongest and everyone trusted him, including her. Just as she was about to say something else, the four of them heard a burst of gun shots and an explosion. 

“It’s happening...they must be in.” Jorge said. 

“That’s are sign to go in.” Lawrence said, Brenda hopped into the driving seat and the they all piled into the bus. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The city was in shambles. Y/N looked out the window of the bus and saw fire everywhere, places destroyed, and bodies on the ground. 

She hated death and she hated violence. The bus came to a stop when another large explosion went off, it was close enough to shake the large vehicle. Y/N felt useless like always just waiting in the bus while her friends were risking their lives. 

She began to have this feeling inside of her. She needed off the bus. She rushed from her seat and began to leave. 

“Y/N stop!” Frypan shouted. Y/N snatched a gun from one the nearest bags they had prepared and went outside. She wasn’t sure what this feeling was but it was only growing. She ignored the calls from Brenda and Jorge and ran towards the chaos. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The smoke from the explosions made it difficult for Y/N to see. She heard constant cries for help, people pushing past her. She had just reached the end of a large crowed when a large man came past her, pushing her to the ground. 

She fell hard, hitting her head. 

The noises around her were muffled. 

Her vision was blurry. She pulled all her strength together and managed to stand on up. She clutched the gun which she had no idea how to use in her hand tightly and pushed on. 

She noticed the WCKD building and rushed towards it but stopped when she saw three men standing outside of it on the top floor. She looked up and shook her head. 

Thomas, Newt, and Minho. 

“Y/N?” She heard someone shout, she turned and saw a man dressed as a guard rushing towards her. She raised the gun and closed her eyes. She felt the gun ripped from her hands. She opened her eyes and saw Gally, he took of the mask. 

Pure anger. 

“Why the hell are you here!?” She didn’t answer, she turned back to Minho, Newt, and Thomas. Gally noticed. “What are those Shanks doing?” 

His question was quickly answered when the three boys jumped, Y/N placed her hands over her eyes, but opened them when she heard splashing. Gally pulled her roughly by the arm, towards the water fountain. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“That was pretty crazy Greenie.” Gally told Thomas while helping him out of the fountain. Y/N grabbed onto Newt’s hand and helped him out. She could tell the effects of the scratch was starting to takes it’s toll even worse now. He was pale, his eyes were a dark color, and he had veins all over his hands, face, and neck. 

“Why are you here?” Newt asked. 

“I asked the same thing.” Gally added. 

“Minho!” Y/N once again ignored the question and hugged her friend. He glady returned the hug. 

“We need to get Newt back.” Thomas said, they all agreed. 

“I know the way to the bus.” Y/N spoke. As they nodded their heads a group of guards rushed out from the building, their guns aiming straight at them. 

“Let’s go!” Gally shouted. Minho and Thomas both helped Newt as they rushed to find cover. The gun shots were close. 

Gally grabbed onto Y/N and pulled her down as they hid behind a flipped car. 

They got separated from the others. 

“Why aren’t you with the bus?” He asked her. She leaned against the car and closed her eyes. She has been trying to find the right answer since she left the bus honestly. 

“I d...don’t know...I h...had this feeling.” She told him. 

“And that feeling told you to run straight into this mess?” He was still angry. 

“Yes! Alright! I have been with you guys since the beginning and if anything...” She stopped and looked down, tears forming. “If any of you left me and I wasn’t there-” 

“Like when you left me back at the maze.” He spat. She looked at him, hurt by his comment. 

“I wanted you to come with us...and when you killed Chuck...and seeing Minho kill you...I couldn’t get that imagine out of my head for the longest time.” She looked at him, really looked at him for the first time since reuniting. He was older, his features matured. 

“I didn’t want to kill Chuck.” He told her. 

“I know...I know you were infected. I trusted you more than anyone Gally...I still do.” She admitted. 

“I thought you hated me.” He told her, she shook her head. 

“I was scared to talk to you...it took everything in me not to run to you when we first saw you.” He looked down and chuckled. Just as he was about to say something, more gun shots went off. He took her by the hand and the two peaked over the car. 

“We have to get to the bus.” Gally told her. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They ran. Gally still holding onto her hand. 

The city was on it’s last limb and they needed to get out. Y/N was so distracted by everything around her that she didn’t know Gally had stopped running till she had bumped straight into him. She looked up at him, noticing he was looking down an alley that lead to a large open bridge. She went to look but he stopped her. 

“Hey, why don’t you go ahead and get to the bus?” He asked her. She knew something was wrong. Who was on the bridge. 

“I don’t want to go without you...w...what’s wrong?” She tried to look again but he blocked her way. “Gally s...stop.” She managed to get by him and saw Thomas and Minho. 

Newt was laying on the ground. 

Without hesitation she ran towards them, tears blurring her vision. 

“Y/N.” Thomas stopped her and hugged her close, not letting her see him. “You don’t want to see him...not like this, this is now what you want to remember.” He was hurting, she could feel it. 

“I have to get back and get Teresa.” Thomas said aloud. 

“We will get to the bus.” Gally spoke. Y/N pulled away from Thomas and looked up at him. 

“How we will meet up?” She asked Thomas, he looked down at her, still holding her. 

“Don’t worry about that...I have this. You guys can keep in touch.” He told her. He handed Minho a walkie talkie. 

“Make sure you and Teresa both get back...please.” She warned him. He leaned down and kissed her forehead. 

“I will.” He told her. She back away and went walked over to Minho, forcing everything she has in her not to look back at Newt. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

At the bus Y/N was greeted by Brenda with a huge hug. Minho went straight to Frypan to tell him about Newt, Y/N pulled away form Brenda and sat down for a moment. Gally sat beside her. 

“You know if there was a way to save Newt Thomas would have.” Gally told her. She thought about Newt and only felt tears form. 

“I know...Newt would have done the same thing...he just...it shouldn’t have been him.” She told him. “Newt has done so much for us and now he is gone.” She felt him wrap his arm around her shoulders, she leaned into him and closed her eyes. She was tired. 

“Thomas went back into the building...I don’t think that building will last any longer.” Minho said. 

“How would we get to him if he can’t make it out?” Brenda asked. Gally looked at Lawrence. 

“I have a way.” Lawrence told them. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Why can’t I stay with you?” Y/N asked Gally. “We all work better when we are together.” 

“Knowing you are safe on the ground and away from this city will be better. Make your way to safe haven with these Shanks.” He told her referring to Frypan, Brenda, and Jorge. 

“You promise you will be there?” She asked. He had no words. Was that a promise he could keep? Instead he cupped her face and pressed his lips against hers. She was taken back but didn’t hesitate to return the kiss. 

“We gotta’ go!” Lawrence shouted. Gally kissed quickly one more time before running off with Minho and Lawrence. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Safe Haven was everything Y/N thought it would. It was a gust of fresh air. She felt like she could relax without the constant fear. 

“Guys...guys they are here!” She heard Frypan shout. Y/N rushed to her friend and saw Minho, Gally, and Thomas. Thomas wasn’t awake. They all looked rough and beaten. 

“Thomas needs medical.” Minho told them, a group of people helped to take Thomas away. She looked around and her heart sank. 

Teresa wasn’t with them. 

“Y/N...” Gally spoke approaching her. She engulfed him in a light hug, afraid he was hurt, and she was right. She walked him to medical and sat him down. 

“It’s not as bad as it looks.” He told her with a faint smile. 

“You look exhausted.” She told him. He laid back on the soft cot and closed his eyes. She sat beside him and gently stroked his hair. He began to snore softly which made her smile. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“I’m sorry.” Thomas told Y/N as they sat around the fire with a bunch of others that she has yet to officially meet. 

“You did what you could. She knew what she was doing.” She told him. She knew his feeling towards Teresa. She knew how much he loved her, despite her being apart of WCKD. 

“Y/N...Greenie!” They both looked up and saw Gally, Frypan, and Minho standing by a large rock. The two walked over and joined them. 

“Here.” Gally handed Y/N a sharp stone, on the large rock was all the names of their friends that they had lost. She carefully carved in Newt’s name while Thomas carved Teresa’s. Gally took Y/N’s hand and led her back to the fire. 

“It’s a new start.” He told her, she looked at him and smiled. He was right. 

[multific]

Always Been

Michael Langdon x Reader

Summary: Love was hard as it is, but when you fell in love with someone like Michael, your feelings get more complicated.

A/N: I have not watched any series of AHS, so if this is not accurate to the storyline, I’m sorry, think of it as an AU. I just saw Cody Fern and got inspired by his characters, so if any of you wish to see more of his characters (mainly Michael and Xavier), don’t be afraid to send in your feedback. Hope you like this! Enjoy~

 You were in love with Michael, the Antichrist himself.

You met when his grandma, Constance committed suicide, you found him on the streets crying his eyes out.

And since then, the two of you were inseparable.

You saw him doing horrible, terrifying things. You saw him kill, you saw him eat human hearts. And yet, there was something behind all of this that you loved.

You still remember one night, when you realized that you were in love with the boy.

You were walking to his and Miriam’s house when a man attacked you and attempted to kidnap you. You struggled against the man’s hold. You cried for help, but no one came, fear settled in and that’s when he arrived, Michael separated you from the man and brutally killed him. You remember the rage on his face, you had to walk up to him and calm him down while Miriam got rid of the evidence.

As you stood behind him, your hand on his shoulder as they shook with anger. He was taking long and deep breaths like an animal.

“Michael, I’m fine.” you repeated that to him, not only to make him really believe it but you knew that your voice calmed him down.

“I can’t lose you.” he whispered and he hugged you, with his body covered in blood, with you crying from fear and relief, you knew, this wasn’t a matter of friendship to you anymore. Your feelings were much deeper than that.  

You were there when he was told about his true identity as the Antichrist.

You weren’t a couple, much to your disappointment, since you decided to hide your feelings from him. You thought that he didn’t need any more complications in his life.  

Planning the apocalypse was already a hard task.

Even if Michael could read minds, he still promised to never read yours, that’s why he didn’t know about your feelings.

And now, you were living in Outpost 3 with him.

He changed so much during the past years. But towards you, he was the same. When both of you got Miriam back, that’s when all his confidence came back truly.

“I finally have all my family back.” is what he said.

You were devastated.

You spent so many years, supporting him, loving him, caring for him, and all he saw you was a sister-figure?

You were both angry and sad.

During dinner, you always sat on Michael’s right side. He excused himself to leave the room and that’s when you decided to go to sleep earlier than usual. Making up an excuse that you didn’t feel good.

You left the dining room before Michael could return.

You went up to your room and took a long bath.  Not only half an hour later there was a knock.

“Y/N? Are you in there?”

Of course, it was Michael. But he did sound worried.

“Yes. I’m in the bath so don’t come in.” you said, trying not to sound suspicious.

“Okay, Ms. Mead told me you did feel well. Are you sick? Do you need medicine?”

“No, thank you. I think I’m just tired. I will go to bed shortly.”

“I still want to make sure that you are not ill. Call for me when you are done in there.”

“There’s no need for that!” you called out but you knew, he was already gone or he ignored your words.

He always liked to get worried about you.

You let out a long sigh.

You put your head against the bathtub and looked at the ceiling. Thoughts immediately flooding into your mind.

This one-sided love won’t lead anywhere. I need to either leave or forget. Who am I kidding I could never leave him. So, I need to find someone else to love… You thought about all the possibilities that were available, but you made a face of disgust. No one could compare to Michael.

When you got out of the bath and dressed up, with a shaky hand you opened the door to your bedroom, you expected him to be sitting on your bed, waiting for you, but no one was there.

Michael got really worried when you got sick, let it be a simple cold or a twisted ankle, he was always the worrywart. And since he never got sick, he was your personal nurse on one or two occasions.

Then you remembered that you are supposed to call for him, so that’s why he wasn’t there. Maybe he was doing an interview or some satanic stuff. Who knows?

But instead of doing what he asked you to do, you got under your warm covers and went to sleep.

You had a dream.

A wonderful and sweet dream of Michael and you. In your dream you were on a balcony with him, just watching as the sun came up. You knew that it wasn’t a memory. You looked at him and he smiled back at you, the lights from the sun illuminating his perfect blonde locks.

You got woken up from your gorgeous dream by someone touching your forehead.

Your eyes opened and you slowly got used to the darkness in the room. You saw Michael sitting on your bed with his palm against your forehead.

“You didn’t call for me.” he answered a question you never asked. “I came to check if you are sick or not.”

“I’m fine,” you told him trying to shake his handoff. You badly wanted to go back to your dream, so you closed your eyes, but his voice made you open them once again.

“You are not. Physically, yes. You are more than healthy, but I’m worried about what’s going on in there.” he said as he pointed at your forehead.

“I told you, I’m fine. I just feel exhausted, this whole end of the world is a bit much. And people here… I don’t really like them.”

“Understandable. They are all idiots and they are no fun either. But only if you’d let me look into your head for a second, maybe I’d understand better. I could be a lot more help.” it’s not like Michael needed approval from anyone. But you were different.

“No! That’s- no. You promised me you never would.” you said sitting up in your bed and looking at him with a serious face.

“I know. But I’m really worried. I cannot lose you.”

“You won’t, I promise. I’m fine. I just need to sleep.” you said and tried to convince him with a reassuring smile. But he didn’t look convinced. He just looked at barely blinking. Since you were still a bit tired from your sleep, you laid back and looked at the ceiling. Trying not to think of anything.

“Is this about Ms Mead? I know you don’t like the idea of an android bu-“

“No, that’s not it,” you said letting out a sigh.

“Then help me understand.”

“I can’t. If I say it, it might ruin everything. You might hate me or leave me.”

“That will never happen and you know that. Tell me, Y/N. I know this is not new with you. I have seen you many times just looking into nothing letting out a big sigh and nearly cry.”

He noticed?

It was true, you liked to overthink stuff, but you always tried to do it alone and hoped he would never notice. Like the time a girl flirted with him. You were so sad that Ms Mead ended up sacrificing the girl just so you will get better. Which you did, even with the circumstances.

“Just, tell me, please. I’m so desperate, I try to make you happy, I got Miriam back, and now I’m on the edge of losing you and I don’t even know why.”

You were afraid to look at him, you knew that if you’d meet his eyes, it would be over for you. But you needed to give him a proper explanation.

“Promise me. That even if you reject me, don’t send me away.” you said and he sat you up to hold you close to his chest.

“Why would I?”

“I love you.” you said it, but something in you told you that he didn’t understand it so you explained yourself, while you were still hugging him. “I fell in love with you the day we met and only realized it when you saved me from that lunatic. I have been hiding my feelings for so long. Miriam helped me though. She knew about how I felt, said she saw my feelings in my eyes. And I’m so afraid that you only see me as a sister or friend, when I feel so deeply for you.” you slowly let go of him but you still didn’t look at him only when he placed his finger under your chin to make you look into his eyes.

He never, ever looked at you so deeply. He had a serious face on and when he saw a tear roll down your eye, his thumb was quick to catch it.

“I broke my promise.” he said. And you were confused for a second but when you realized what he was talking about, you shoved him back.

“You-No.”

“I needed to know if you were telling me the truth or just what I wanted to hear.”

“What you wanted to…What are you talking about?”

“I knew that I was in love the moment I looked into your eyes. I was still a boy, crying in a dark alley and then you came, an angel, to save me. Your voice, your eyes and your gentle heart. I thought I would never deserve it, which I probably don’t. But hearing you say this. Makes me more than just hopeful and happy. Seeing your memories… here let me show you mine.” he said as he placed his palm against your head, closing his eyes.

Pure confusion is what you felt, but then you started to see pictures, his memories.

You saw yourself, the way he saw you, you felt his emotions all the confusion, nervousness, self-doubt, and finally, love. Love as pure as a man like him can feel.

“Do you believe me now?” he asked, you placed your forehead against his.

“Looks like, both of us are idiots.”

“Seems like it. So, are you mine now, My Queen?” he asked.

“I had always been.”

And with that he leant in to seal your deal with his lips. Such wonderful lips he had, soft and just the right amount of full and warm.

That night, for the first time in a long while, you set your head against his chest and fell asleep, knowing that when you wake up in the morning, he’d be still there, holding you, kissing you, loving you.

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[headfullofstories]

Truly Monstrous Luck - part 1

   I didn’t think my day could get any worse. I lost my job after I got evicted when my landlord thought my testosterone was fucking heroine, my wallet got stolen - thanks, New York - and that meant my bus card and my money, So I have to walk from Manhattan to my brother's house in The Bronx, in the rain, without an umbrella. I thought this was the worst my day could get. Boy, was I wrong.

I was on 1st Avenue heading towards the Willis Avenue bridge, when I heard footsteps behind me. I didn't think anything of it for the first few minutes - it's New York, a lot of people live here. But these footsteps sounded like someone was wearing tap shoes, crisp and loud and menacing. It made me nervous, sure, but I didn’t think they were dangerous. The only thing of any value I had on me was my phone, this shitty old Motorola Droid X I bought used when I was 13. Even if I did get mugged, I don't think anyone wants a 9 year old smartphone, so the worst that would happen is I would get a little roughed up. Big deal, I've dealt with worse.

But as I crossed 86th Street, the footsteps behind me sped up, and as I crossed in front of an alley I felt a pull from behind me. Then I started to really panic. A thousand horrific thoughts flashed through my head then as I was pulled into the dark alley, but none of them come close to what actually happened.

The person who had been following me was a guy who looked a little older than me, maybe 24. He wore a 3 piece suit with a golden tie and a pair of dress boots, and he held a solid black umbrella. He held me by the throat, pinned against the wall and out of sight of passers-by. I was shocked for a moment, unsure what happened - this guy was really strong. Inhumanly strong. After the shock settled a little, my mind was clouded with fear. Bad things can happen in dark alleyways, and I wasn't about to become another fucking statistic. I pulled at the man's hand, desperately trying to break free. But the man in the suit had an iron grip, keeping me firmly in place, several inches off of the ground. My fight or flight had already kicked in, and I was kicking at this man with all of the force I had, which was admittedly low since I had walked 15 blocks in the rain with a binder on, not a healthy combo. Combined with the pressure on my windpipe, I could barely breathe.

The man laughed as he held me there, weak and pathetic, fighting for dear life and on the verge of tears.

"It's worthless, little boy." He growled, and I saw now he had a pair of long white canines. "There's no escape now."

Oh, fuck no. No no no no, those things aren't real. Monsters don't exist. they shouldn't, at least…

"W-what do you want?" I wheezed, tears pricking at my eyes. I started feeling an overwhelming sense of dread.

"I might kill you. Drain your blood, leave you here for someone to find you." He starts, nodding his head from side to side as if weighing his options. "Or maybe I could turn you. Curse you with eternal life, give you the thirst for blood… which would you prefer?"

"I… I don't wanna die." I whimpered, not fully thinking what I was saying, tears streaming down my face.

"Unfortunately that's not an option, dollface." He smirked. "But I'll give you the next best thing." And with that, he plunged his fangs into my neck.

Up until this point, I had tried to convince myself that this dude was just some fucked up lunatic with coincidentally long teeth. But as soon as he bit me, there was no denying it. This asshole was a vampire, and I was fully about to die. Fuck, what am I gonna tell Justin? I guess nothing, he probably wouldn’t believe me anyways, if I even survive.

I thought that getting bit would hurt a lot more than it did, but it felt a lot like getting a shot - not painless, but unpleasant. I could feel the life being sucked out of me, and the longer it went on the more hazy my consciousness became. I fully lost consciousness after 10 seconds. The last thing I remember is his breath on my neck as my humanity melted away.

I wake up as I feel someone grabbing me around the torso. My vision is hazy and I feel hungry. My mind is hazy, I can’t manage to think of anything but death. I do my best to focus on what’s happening, who’s grabbing me, and slowly my vision clears and I can see that I’m in the arms of a hulking humanoid with green skin and an underbite with two giant protruding from its mouth. I start to panic all over again. What happened after I passed out? How long was I out? I start flailing frantically, trying to escape the clutches of this green-skinned monster. It notices me squirming, and holds me out at arms length by my underarms. Its silver eyes look me up and down, and as it seems to notice the fear in my eyes its own expression softens.

“Wh-who are you?” I manage to say as my mind fills with thoughts of escape, get away, kill whoever stops you and I hold back the urge to bite this thing. “What happened? Am I dead?”

Its eyes fill with a look of hurt and grief. “God, you’re so young. Fucking monsters, doing this to a kid…” Its - their? - voice is gruff, but more in a butch lesbian way than an MMA fighter way. Their face lightens a little, forcibly, eyes still full of grief. “Sorry, where are my manners? My name is Yvonne, I work with a group that’s supposed to stop shit like this from happening to kids like you. Fuck, these assholes get so damn confident on rainy days…"

"Why did you grab me?" I ask slowly, suppressing the overwhelming thoughts of death as much as I can. "Why didn't you just leave me there?"

They take a deep breath and go down to their knees and set me on the ground, still holding onto my sides, so we're eye to eye. "Fledglings like you are often overwhelmed by their desires. I can see the bloodlust in your eyes, kid, and you're doing a hell of a job suppressing them like this. But by the time the sun sets you will have drawn blood, and that has caused a lot of good kids a lot of grief the day after. The group I work for works to prevent things like this - vampirism and lycanthropy and the like - from being spread, but sometimes shit like his happens, someone gets infected, and we have a responsibility to contain those kids, give them resources for dealing with their passive urges, help them get their fix in a way that doesn't put anyone at risk."

"I am dead." I mutter, going limp in Yvonne's arms and start crying. "Fuck, the universe won't give me a break, will it?"

"I'm sorry, baby." Yvonne mutters, pulling me back towards their - her? - chest and holding me in a tight hug. "Shit, 10 minutes and I would've been there, 10 minutes and this wouldn't've happened to you."

"Wh-why do you care about me?" I whimper, curling up in her arms. "I… I'm just some stupid kid."

"Everyone deserves someone who looks out for them, baby." She sighs. "I wouldn't wish what happened to you on my worst enemies. This area is my responsibility, this happened on my streets, I need to make sure you don't think you're alone in this."

"Th-thank you." Is all I can manage, before the thoughts are back at full force and I clutch my head, keeping my head between my legs, my mouth away from Yvonne and my eyes away from any people. I hiss as the thoughts invade my mind like a plague. All I can think about is death, of blood, of killing everyone, of killing this woman who has just shown me overwhelming kindness despite never having met me before. I start crying even harder, trying to make the thoughts go away, when I feel a tap on my shoulder. I look up at Yvonne, a look of complete calm settled over her face - I wonder if she works in healthcare? - as she holds a small labelless juicebox.

"Cow blood." She says simply. "Helps with the urges."

I snatch the box out of her hand, poke the seal open with a fingernail, and chug the metallic liquid inside. It feels wrong, but my mind is so clouded with the need to drink that this seems like the greatest thing I've ever consumed. I feel a little dirty after doing it, but the thoughts are quieter.

“Can we leave?” I ask hesitantly. “I want to learn how to deal with this. And I don’t want to be here anymore.”

She nods, and stands up. “We need to get to Belvedere Castle. Do you have a way of getting home from there?”

I shake my head. “My brother lives in Mott Haven… and someone stole my wallet, so my only way of getting there is walking. All I have is my Motorola Droid.”

She nods sympathetically. “Do you want to go to your brother’s house first?”

I shake my head. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to do two subway rides in a row. Plus, I need to figure out… how to tell him.”

She nods again. “You got a name I can call you, baby?”

“Uh, V-Victor.” I respond shakily, everything that’s happened in the past half an hour has me reeling and stressed and convinced that I must’ve just been pushed into oncoming traffic and this is a comatose nightmare, that a monster lady didn’t just have to explain to me that I’m a fucking vampire now. Monsters aren't supposed to be real, they’re not supposed to be able to walk through Manhattan totally unnoticed.

I’m not supposed to be one.

"Well, Victor, you good to walk the mile down to the park?"

I nod. “I… I have a binder on though… I can’t walk very fast.”

She looks confused for a moment, then realization flashes across her face. “That's good to know. We can get you connected to other trans guys at headquarters.”

“Th-there are other guys like me?” I’ve never heard of a trans vampire before.

“Nothing says monsters can’t be queer.” She reasons. “My girlfriend is a lycanthrope.”

I nod, a sense of lingering awe hanging in my mind. There are other people like me. This isn’t as much of a death sentence as I thought it was. It’s just another half an hour of walking to get to Belvedere Castle.

The rain is coming down even harder now, the clouds dark with the threat of thunder. I smile a little at that - I've always loved the sound of thunder. Vampirism isn't gonna fuck that over for me. Nothing can fuck up the pure joy the sound of thunder or sight of lightning gives me.

We head out, and I realize now just how hard it still is to breathe. My throat is burning, my binder is crushingly tight, and on top of that my legs feel like jelly. I do my best to keep pace with Yvonne, which is difficult to do without letting her know anything is wrong.

We get to Park Avenue before I have to pause and catch my breath. I tap Yvonne's arm as I wheeze slightly, leaning on a nearby building as I take as deep of breaths as I can.

"You good, baby?" She asks gently, and I nod in between breaths.

"Fine, just… drained." I mutter, not telling her about how tight my binder is. If she knows she'll make me take it off and that'll be worse than any broken ribs I might get.

"Take your time." She reassures me, leaning against the building and crossing her arms.

I mutter an unintelligible thanks, and take a minute or so to let my heart rate slow down and my lungs return to functioning normally.

"Alright," I sigh as my breathing returns to normal, "I'm good. Let's keep going."

She nods a little hesitantly, but makes no comment. I let out a tiny sigh of relief as we continue towards the park.

Lightning fills the sky by the time we reach Belvedere Castle. I smile wide as the flashes dance through the clouds, high above the highrise buildings of Manhattan. The water in Turtle Pond is constantly shifting under the barrage of the rain, warping the reflections of the trees and the castle above. Yvonne walks around the outside of the building, periodically knocking on stones as she goes, then walking into the castle and disappears as she rounds a corner inside. I trail close behind her, glad to get fully out of the rain. As I turn the corner where Yvonne disappeared, I find myself inside of a real, proper castle, walls lined with sconces fitted with lightbulbs and a giant chandelier hangs from the high ceiling. I run up to follow right at Yvonne’s feet, as the dozen or so people milling about turn to look at us. I can feel the creeping eyes of all of the people around the hall watching me, and I grab onto Yvonne’s shirt like a little kid following his mom. I have never felt less my age than I do at this moment.

“You don’t have to be so nervous, Victor.” She mutters, “Most of them won’t bite you.”

I snort at that, but her comment does little to stop the anxiety welling in my chest. Fuck, today is utter bullshit. It’s not even noon.

Yvonne leads us down a series of hallways, and everywhere we turn there are more people turning to look at me as we pass. I bear my teeth at a few of them out of fear, before remembering that probably has very different implications now that I have horrible vampire fangs. I keep my head down after that. I can still feel all of the eyes on me, but I do my best to ignore it.

“Arthur!” Yvonne yells as she guides us into an office-type room. “We’ve got a new infected!”

A man walks out from a sideroom and glares over at her. “This fucking early?” He hisses, then he sees me poking around from behind Yvonne. His expression shifts from annoyed to sad, and lets out a deep sigh.

“Where?” He grumbles, rubbing the bridge of his nose.

“86th and 1st.” She mutters. “He showed a surprising level of self-control right after he woke up. But… I still didn’t get there in time to stop it. The FUCKING train was late and now this kid’s dead.”

“It’s not as much of a death sentence as you think, Yvonne.” Arthur sighs, then looks at me. “What’s your name, son?”

“V-Victor, sir.” I respond quietly. This man is tall, maybe 6’2”, with sharp facial features.  His cheekbones are high, and his nose is a little crooked, and his skin is deathly pale. He’s wearing a black leather jacket and a Queen shirt, and he looks like hasn’t slept in a while.

“Well, Victor, I’ve been living like this for 50 years, and I’m perfectly fine… as long as I remember to eat…” he looks at me a little closer, squinting his eyes. “How old are you, kid?”

“Um… I’m twenty…” I squeak, getting a little bit of sensory overload at this point. I pop my knuckles to try and ground myself a little. My binder suddenly feels a lot tighter again.

“Jesus fuckin christ…” he groans, resting his face in his hand. “those bastards love to turn em young, huh?”

I nod a little, then things start to go out of focus. The room is spinning, my vision blacks out, and before I know it I’m on the ground. Fuck this spandex deathtrap.

[letsnotdoanything]

The smiles you gave me

Heyah~

I’m sorry for posting only short timestamps for some time but I didn't have much time to write due to school and the concert. I didn’t want to publish something without even checking it before. :v

I actually wrote this without anyone in mind, but as I finished I just couldn’t imagine putting in anyone else than Sungjin...

Hope you enjoy!

he kept doing weird faces during the whole concert dbhkjhsdehi i love this dork

Pairing: Sungjin x reader

Genre: Fluff

Words: 1,7K

To: Y/N Y/S/N

From: Sungjin

The smiles you gave me

The first one was an awkward smile,

It was the first one I saw and the one that made me fall in love with you. It’s been four years since then, yet it feels as if it was yesterday. I remember everything exactly - your embarrassed expression, untied shoelaces and hair tangled from the wind. Yet, you still were the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen.

You were running down the street holding your books for your dear life. It was the last day when you could give applications for your dream university and you overslept, so now you had 40 minutes to get there. The bus you had to take to be on time was already closing its doors and the next one would be there in 20 minutes, so you had no other choice. Thankfully, the bus driver was nice enough to wait for a girl that clearly wasn’t friends with physical activities. Well, at least you tried, right? You got in on the full speed not caring if you would hit something, which was a mistake because that’s exactly what you did. Actually, not something but someone. A very attractive someone to be exact. “Woah, you good?” He said holding your arm to help you stand straight. “Your face is all red.” You run a hand through your hair trying to fix it as you looked at the stranger. Well, if you were red earlier then now you must look like a splendid beetroot. “Yes, I-I mean no… I mean you-” you couldn’t figure out what words you should choose to not make yourself look like a fool more than you already did, but you gave up when he chuckled. You knew you were already humiliated anyways. “Yeah, I just didn’t want to miss the bus. I’m sorry for hitting you.” You gave him an apologetic smile, still embarrassed from the situation, which he returned. “What about going to a café after you’re done with whatever you’re late for? You know, to compensate for bumping into me.”

The second one was a loving smile,

It was after our second date as a couple, when I kissed you for the first time. Your eyes were shining brighter than the stars above us all together and at this moment, I knew that I have found the one.

“Thank you for today, the pasta was amazing.” You said turning your face to him when you got to your apartment. You didn’t want it to end, you had a very good time with him. You played with your fingers, looking down and sighted. “I’m sad it’s over, I don’t want you to leave…” He smiled slightly at your pouty face.He grabbed your chin with two fingers, looking into your eyes deeply. You glared into his dark eyes in awe, they were so beautiful you could stare at them for hours without getting tired. “I’ll call you as soon as I’m back home, okay?” You felt warm when he let go of your chin to place his hand on your cheek, stroking it with his thumb. “Actually, I have something for you.” You looked at him, curious about what might it be. You didn’t know what to expect, but for sure not that he would bend to your height and press his warm lips to yours. He stayed like that for a few seconds before pulling away. Your shocked expression was quickly replaced by a soft grin that stayed there for the rest of the evening. “Well, that definitely doesn’t make letting you go easier.”

The third one was a laughing smile,

The one you showed every time I said something you found funny, even if no one else did. That’s one of the things I love you for, I’ve always felt so lucky to have someone who has the same humor as me. 

You shot your head back with a loud laugh, covering your mouth with your hand. You loved your boyfriend’s sense of humor, his jokes always were hilariously funny. You fell back on the couch, trying to stop laughing but it seemed funnier every time you repeated it in your head. Your chest was jumping up and down quickly making your stomach muscles sore. You finally calmed down after some time and took a few deep breaths, wiping the tears that gathered in your eyes. You sat straight and looked around to see all your friends, and even Sungjin himself looking at you as if you were crazy. “What? It was funny!”

The fourth one was teasing smile,

This one was the most different, there was something in it that made it impossible to contain myself. You showed it when your mischievous side came out, and honestly, I loved it every time it did.

It was definitely your good day, you felt confident and playful and you didn’t hesitate to use it against your boyfriend. You started your provoking marathon by walking around the house in nothing but an oversized t-shirt and a pair of shorts that were barely covering your assets. You enjoyed seeing him avoiding your eyes sheepishly so you went on to “accidentally” dropping things and bending over to grab them, making sure to wiggle your butt while doing it. He remained calm when you did it for the first time. He started getting suspicious after the second attempt. He tolerated the third one. But the fourth one, it was the final straw. “Ah, Y/N, stop it already!” Sungjin raised his voice unintentionally, a little annoyed by the effect you have on him. He didn’t know that you were that playful and he didn’t like how you made him blush and stutter so effortlessly.  You smirked and crossed your arms on your chest, knowing you achieved your goal. Normally you would do what he asked you to but today you let yourself go a little overboard. “Make me.”

The fifth one was a fake smile,

The one that you gave me during our worst fight, after I said something I regret to this day. I think I won’t ever be able to tell you how sorry I was, and still am.

You two rarely argued, barely ever, but the past few weeks were very stressful for both of you. Your boss was giving you much more work since a few of your co-workers left and Sungjin’s head was occupied by his upcoming promotions. That’s why you talked much less and if you did, it was a short exchange of “how are you" and "fine, thanks”. But this time was different, your conversation didn’t end after two sentences but it turned into a heated argument instead. Neither of you actually remembered the original reason why the fight started, new topics were just appearing one after the other and didn’t seem to end. “So it’s my fault now, huh?!” You threw your arms in the air out of frustration. You weren’t yourself at that moment, all the emotions that gathered inside of you had taken control. “Well, it’s you who’s been acting like a fucking moody teenager!” His words echoed in your head for a few seconds when you tried to understand what just happened. You’d never expect that something as little would hurt so much if said by someone you loved. Your heart ached and you felt as if your stomach did a full flip, causing sudden nausea. “You’re right, I should leave now.” You fake-smiled and turned your back to him immediately, going towards the door of your apartment. You didn’t bother looking at him before going out, which might have been a mistake. If you would have turned around you would have seen the tears and guilt all over his face.

The sixth one is

________________________________________

You turned the paper around to see if there was anything else written on the other side, but it was clear. You were a little confused since all of the previous ones were written as the past, yet this sentence ended with “is”. What could that mean? And why didn’t he finish it?

“The sixth one is the one I hope to see in a moment…” you heard a voice behind you, which made you jump and turn around almost immediately after. You saw Sungjin standing there in your favorite white shirt, holding a small velvet box. His hair was styled elegantly and you could smell his cologne and hair spray. Your throat clenched and you were struggling to get out any sound, so you just stood there with your mouth open. It made him laugh a little. “You know, I’ve wanted to do it for some time now…” he crouched down on one knee in front of you, took your hand in his holding the box in the other one, and looked you in the eyes. “Y/N, I’ve never thought that someone bumping into me would change not only my life, but also me. I know I’m a better person when you’re by my side, I need you more than anything else. Your smiles are the most wonderful thing I’ve seen in my life, I wish I could see them every time I close my eyes in the night and when I open them in the morning. I want to learn more about you. I want to know more of your smiles and more of your little habits that no one else knows about. You’re like a book I never want to close. Y/N Y/S/N, would you do the honor and let me read it for the rest of my life?’’ 

You could hear your heartbeat increase, it felt like your heart was going to burst your chest. You covered your mouth with your hand to muffle the sobs you weren’t able to control. Seconds passed, yet to Sungjin it felt like hours. His lips were pressed tight and his eyebrows furrowed in anticipation as he waited for you to do something, give him any sign. You realized that you still didn’t give him an answer and you felt bad for making him so nervous, so you crouched down next to him and looked straight into his eyes. It felt the as if it was your first kiss he wrote about - his dark eyes were shining brightly and seemed to be so full of love they could explode. You murmured a quiet, yet meaningful “yes’’  and wrapped your arms around his neck, hugging him as if it was your last goodbye. However, it was only the beginning of something completely new and beautiful.

[ellagracehargreeves]

“The Spark” Music Playlist.

Here’s the Playlist on Youtube! The songs are also individually linked below!

I don’t have spotify or any of the other music things because I don’t listen to much music and I am BROKE! 

(PLEASE GOD DON’T MAKE FUN OF MY VIDEOS IF YOU LOOK, I WAS A SMOL DUMBASS CHILD I SWEAR I’M LESS CRINGY NOW OK, I PROMISE.)

Love y’all. And I love these songs, Here’s why:

Lean on me - Bill Withers : Ella’s lullaby. Vanya started singing it to her around the age of 1 when she heard it on the radio at the 7/11 while she was trying to calm a fussy Ella. She began singing along with the song as a last ditch attempt, and it surprisingly worked like a charm. Ever since then, Cara and Vanya, mostly Vanya, sing it to Ella sometimes at bedtime, substituting the words with “Mother” and “daughter” when needed. It always calms Ella down.

Hazy Shade of Winter - Gerard Way (feat. Ray Toro) : …. Duh. Plus this gets me hype for Ella being powerful and happily violent and just being a part of the Hargreeves clusterfuck. ….This just slaps.

Cold Blooded - Khalid (slowed) : So this doesn’t fit entirely, but basically to me this feels like what Vanya feels when she’s empty, sad, and just blank, but then she sees her daughter being happy. It doesn’t erase the deep sadness within her, but it strengthens the resolve that she has. She will give everything she has for her daughter, just to make sure she’s warm and happy. Also this song makes me think of Ella forcibly cuddling Vanya on the couch when she is having a bad day.

(Slowed Down) Elastic Heart - Sia : Just…. V a n y a.

Dancing with your Ghost- Sasha Sloan : This song makes me think of Vanya and Ella and Cara, being happy and dancing together and making memories, but at the same time Vanya struggles with her guilt involving her siblings. She can see them sometimes within her girl, she can see them as she makes the memories. She feels like she doesn’t deserve to be happy, because she never has. She struggles with that feeling when she feels so happy her heart could burst. This song also makes me think of the relationship between Cara and Vanya, it just makes me think of Vanya trying not to cry over something but then Cara pulls her head down to her lap and runs her fingers gently through her hair and Vanya can finally let it out and it’s peaceful and happy.

(Slowed down) I found - Amber Run : Vanya…… If the commission wins.

(Her mouth is open in a silent scream as she cradles the small body towards her, this can’t be happening, no no no nonononono not her baby-

Why aren’t they helping her- Please, she’s hurt, can’t you see-?- She can’t tell the difference between her tears and those of the heavens, between the tears on her face and the blood on her hands-)

(She is no longer herself, she is a steadily growing drum-beat of pure pain and grief and power and she is not thinking but the very earth shall pay for the blood that has spilled, HER FLESH AND BLOOD-)

Somebody That I Used To Know (slowed down) - Gotye (ft. Kimbra) : The Hargreeves siblings and Vanya, after her betrayal is revealed. They feel like they should’ve been told about Ella, even if they weren’t close to Vanya at all, which is valid. But Vanya remembers them as being cold and shitty to her and tbh she’s only telling them for Ella’s sake. Plus this song is just melodramatic and I feel like it would fit the Hargreeves in any situation. Like, I can see Klaus or Diego stubbing their toe and then having this song playing in their head. They’re all extra as hell and this song works for any betrayal.

( slowed down ) lovely - Billie Eilish (ft. Khalid) : This is honestly one of my favorite songs, especially slowed down. I just listen to it while writing because it’s beautiful. But it also kinda reminds me of Vanya and her glass wall, constantly struggling with the feeling of being trapped and being stuck within her childhood abuse. She fights against it for Ella, her beautiful Ella, who gives her hope no matter how trapped she feels. This song is just a sad bop tho. Good shit.

Night Bus (Slowed) - Gabrielle Aplin : A happier sounding bop, but still slow and chill. I know it’s about lovers, but we ain't gonna take it that way okay. 

“I’m on my way home to you for the last time” obviously doesn’t fit, because Vanya wouldn’t leave her daughter alone, ever, but this song kinda makes me think of Vanya gradually letting Ella go and letting her be her own person. Like, she’s still her mom, and this song also makes me think of the love between them. It makes me imagine Vanya watching Ella play in the park, or maybe watching her interact with the other girls at Gym, and thinking to herself “She’s got this. She’ll be okay. I don’t have to stay so close, she’ll still come back to me in the end even if I let her go.” 

Also, this song is calming but happy, instead of most of these which are calming and sad. I needed a happier song, one that made me think of hugs and playing outside and having snowball fights and happy squeals and playing tag with wide involuntary smiles and flushed cheeks. In short: ‘Tis a bop. A happy bop. Happy times.

revenge (slowed & reverb) - xxxTentacion : Makes me think of Vanya, disillusioned, believing that her siblings have known about her powers this entire time. Makes me think about her thirst for revenge, to make them feel the soul-deep infraction against her. Makes me think of Vanya being torn between keeping her daughter safe, keeping her terrified daughter comforted, and her revenge. Torn between holding the one she loves most and punishing those who were supposed to love her. It makes me think of agonizing indecision.

IMPORTANT NOTE: I don’t know if this scenario will happen in the fic! I’m not sure how things will go down, and how Vanya will find out and react to her powers. I’m making this shit up as I go! But this song made me think, “What if?”

Dollar For Your Sadness - Unlike Pluto : (They hurt her daughter, her world, her Ella, She will DESTROY them, ALL OF THEM-)

JOLT - Unlike Pluto : The lyrics perfectly describe Vanya’s eternally growing resentment, her struggle of trying to forget her childhood, her trauma, her siblings, while raising her daughter. Trying to leave the past behind so she can move on with her Ella and Cara, her real family. They’re all she has now. Aren’t they?

(Also, Jolt. Electricity. Sparks. Heh heh heh. I’m so clever.)

Villain of My Own Story - Unlike Pluto : I’m unsure of this one, not sure if it fits. Vanya getting fed up with her siblings’ muttered remarks and snide comments? (*unconvincing cough* Diego and possibly Luther) Her just going “yknow what fuck all y’all you can suck a cattapilla dick” and being angery and pissed off? Tbh I just put this song in here because I discovered Unlike Pluto yesterday and went feral. 

Maybe Vanya during the explanation, or her when she snapped at Diego? (The first time) or maybe it’s just her feeling so put down and invalidated and such a failure that she just goes “fuck this.” Vanya when Ella got bullied? It makes me think of the moments where she’s ticked off and her powers show up but just barely bc she eventually calms herself.

It makes me envision a young girl, possibly Vanya, idk, in tattered, dirty clothes, running down an alleyway in slow motion, and all I can see is the back of her hair flowing in the wind as she runs, the bottoms of her feet as she takes another step. I can see her checking behind her to see if she’s being followed, her hair whipping on her face so she can hardly see. It makes me think of frustrated anger, just an overall feeling of “FUCK THIS SHIT.”

Whatever. I listen to it when I write. It’s in the playlist.

Stay and Decay - Unlike Pluto : (Cartoon masks and gunshots. Flashing lights, ears covered tight, eyes squeezed shut, tears staining her cheeks, fear-)

(Mommy? Mommy! Mommy, no, nonono-) 

(There’s dark blood staining her small, small hands- they hurt Mommy, they hurt her, she’ll hurt them- Mommy’s blood dripping- spilling, flowing- onto the wood floor and why won’t it stop-)

(-MommyMommyMommy- Please Mommy, I’m scared-!)

(She’s running after them, her feet hitting the ground, her mother’s blood splattering behind her, Mommy yelling garbled, broken protests- ringing ears, pounding heart, eyes sparking green, r a g e- )

(-she’ll get them, she’ll hurt them, she has to, THEY HURT HER MOTHER-)

Rocky Mountain High - John Denver : :) this is Cara’s favorite song, and my mother likes it as well :) Cara hums it a lot, and sometimes she sings it to Ella. Vanya’s not approving of it, because the song is about WEED, but she doesn’t do anything to stop it. Cara finds the hidden meaning hilarious when she sings it to the child.

everything i wanted (slowed + reverb) - Billie Eilish : Vanya has everything she needs, but she’s still drowning inside herself. Vanya has everything, yet she still feels so so dead. But Cara holds her, smelling like forest leaves, and Ella smiles at her, looking like beautiful starlight, and they make it better. They will always make it better, and she loves them.

The Phoenix - Lindsey Sterling : Ella. Ella, dancing in the air. Ella, hugging her mother tightly. Ella, sweet, gentle Ella- bright as the sun itself, Ella, powerful Ella. Ella, her happy light infecting everyone she meets, Ella, her excitement emerging in response to every new thing she encounters. Beautiful, beautiful, chaotic Ella- adjusting reality with a twitch of her finger. Ella, summoning a tornado full of destructive everyday things with a single tantrum. Ethereal Ella, dancing and laughing and smiling and hugging and throwing and yanking and crushing and destroying Ella. Just… Ella. Loving, Obliterating Ella.

That’s all I have for now! I gotta admit, writing all that out kind of drained me. I might reblog this with additions as I add them, if you guys want! Thanks for checking out this glance inside my process.

[feel199x]

street racer!lee minho, gods of olympus! au

⚡ chapters: I II III IV V VI  masterlist

⚡  a/n: there’s like. So Much Sexual Tension that i didn’t intend and its not gonna go anywhere,,, im sorry but Minho’s hoe spirit possessed me while i wrote this chapter

⚡ warnings: sexual tension?? does that count??

⚡ song rec: angel of small death & the codeine scene

Minho hadn’t called you on the bus ride home, nor did he show up at your apartment the night. He didn’t call you the following nights either. He was, however making your life a fuck ton harder. For three full days, it had been pouring. The first day you had made the mistake of riding in the rain, figuring it would’ve cleared up by the afternoon. But it hadn’t. You had to get to an afternoon class, but you had no spare money to afford riding the bus every day to work. Being a broke college student was difficult, but not everyone could make their weight in money with illicit activities. You didn’t really mind the rain as long as you were inside. The pattering of raindrops against your window was comforting, and it helped calm your nerves as you studied, even if the person causing it was an asshole. You hadn’t blocked Minho’s number, not yet anyway, but figured that he had probably ghosted you anyway- so it didn’t matter.

Besides, you never paid much attention to boys, anyway. Your studies were more important to you, and you literally could not afford to lose the scholarships you busted your ass in high school to get. You knew college would be hard, but you had no idea it would be this difficult. None of these questions made sense- but you needed to study. You never struggled this much with Criminology concepts, but you found yourself rereading the same parts over and over, it wasn’t clicking. It was two am now, and you had a class at eight, ten, noon, and then a shift at the bakery- where you were filling in for a co-worker who had gotten sick. You weren’t even planning on falling asleep, but you woke up from your alarm, wiping drool from your lip as you got up.

This was just your life, it could be worse. You could be in a lot more debt, and your mental health could plummet- but it hadn’t, not yet. You knew if you kept pushing yourself like this than he would eventually crash and burn, but whatever. At least you would go out in a burning glory. You shook your head at the thought, mentally scolding yourself. Recovery didn’t work if you weren’t constantly checking yourself- as annoying as it was, it worked. You promised yourself and made a reminder on your phone to take a day off this week. You needed to relax, or next thing you know you would find yourself attached to your bed, glued to it with tears and a sweaty sadness.

You walked into the lecture hall, being the first one as you always were because you made it a point to actually ask for help. But the professor and his regular t.a wasn’t there.

“Are you lost?” He smiled and laughed as if you had said something funny. You grew anxious and insecure, it wouldn’t be the first time people had teased you like that. “No, not at all,” he said, “I’m the new teacher’s assistant.” You eyed him suspiciously, “What happened to the last one?” He pulled up his sleeves, and you felt embarrassed as he revealed his veiny arms. He twirled his pen and smiled again at you.

“He’s under a new teacher, now.”

“Who?”

“Mr. Park.”

“That’s a convenient answer.”

“It’s the convenient truth.”

“What’s your name?”

“Chan, darl-”

“Oh, fuck off.”

He crossed his arms, slightly surprised at your boldness. “Pardon?” You groaned, gripping your school supplies. “You’re one of those high and mighty gods, right? You and Minho can fuck right off.” He eased into the desk chair, chuckling to himself. “He’s already messed up, huh? I promised I wouldn’t interfere, but-”

“You also could’ve lied about your name.”

“Slip of the tongue. I doubt you wouldn’t figure it out, anyway.”

“What do you want?”

“To help.”

“With what? I’m done with Minho.”

“But you like him.”

“So? Doesn’t mean he’s not an asshole. I’m not here to teach him how to love, what kind of outdated shit is that? I don’t care that you’re a god, and I don’t care that he’s a god. Means fuck all to me.”

“Ah, you’re smart. Athena took well in creating you. But, it is fated. You’ll teach him one way or another.”

“Chan?”

“Yes?”

“I don’t give a shit.”

You probably could’ve reviewed the material with Chan, and maybe he was a nice guy- but you didn’t want to deal with anyone that was even slightly supernatural. You weren’t even going to look at your horoscope. You just wanted to graduated and take the bar exam, hell, maybe even try for a spot at a place with higher level cases. But one thing you were not about to do was about to do is let yourself slip into a game of cat and mouse, you were here to study. If you needed to take a break, you would- but “taking a break” didn’t mean worrying about a boy. If you wanted to worry, you would take the practice bar exam again.

You found the professor calling on you an absurd amount of times, and you shot Chan a death glare. He winked at you, a stupid smirk on his face and shrugged. You heard peers murmur, but Chan just looked amused, even winking at some of them. Were all gods like this? If Chan, the leader of the gods was this chaotic, how would you deal? Being the one you thought you’d like the most, you were severely disappointed. You flew out of your seat as the class ended, but found yourself caught in a sea of eager college students- you were so close to making your way out of the lecture hall doors when your professor called you.

“____, I’m sorry about being late this morning, but I had an incident with my car. I still have to solve the issue, but Chan can stay after. He said you were struggling with theory? I’ve provided a practice exam for you to Chan. Please don’t leave until you’ve got a passing grade.” He left unceremoniously, bidding a polite goodbye as he walked the both of you to a college library.

“I’m not struggling with theory.”

“You’ll start to. You have a bad habit of not knowing your limits.”

“Thanks, Sherlock.”

You sat a table in the back, a room reserved for group studies. “I have another class soon.”

“It’s taken care of, love. I’m going to get some coffee, please don’t go.”

You sighed, you had to finish the practice test after Chan explained the material, and it was unrealistic to think you’d be able to get to your second class. You could use a break anyway, it’s not like missing one creative writing class would kill you. Not physically anyway.

“Here you go,” he plopped a cup on the table, along with a pastry bag, “you should eat.”

“Are you actually going to help me study?”

“Sure, but I think we should talk about Minho first.”

“There’s nothing to talk about.”

He shut your textbook gently and pulled it away from you. “There’s a lot to talk about. I know Minho can be the worst, but there’s a lot more to him. I know it’s hard, but you’re going to have to trust me.” You wrapped your hands around the coffee cup, the warmth spreading to your hands. The rain was still pouring if it continued the town would flood. You didn’t understand why Minho was being so intense, maybe you shouldn’t have snapped but it wasn’t like he was a saint either.

“Why should I trust you?”

“I’m the one who sent him down here- well, with some pressure from the fates but still. I promise I’m the sanest up there, well second to Woojin.”

“Then why isn’t Woojin here?”

“He’s solving some other matters.”

“Like?”

“Ah, I can’t tell you that. But we’re moving away from the point. Just talk to Minho, honestly, once.”

“Already tried.”

“I know, but hopefully, I can help.”

“W-?”

Chan snapped his fingers, shooting you a somewhat apologetic look but turned to Minho looking smug. “What do you want?” You laughed, crossing your arms and leaning back into the cushioned seat. “Do you have something you want to say?” he snapped, “Oh wait, you already had your tantrum in the most expensive restaurant in town.” You knew better than to provoke Minho in this state, he knew what words that to use to hurt- and if he got any angrier, he would lose control. You weren’t laughing at him in the first place rather than yourself for getting into this situation. But whatever, Minho took it personally and even though you were tired of always being the bigger person- someone had to be. You didn’t even glare at him, you uncrossed your arms let them lay on top of your legs.

“Minho, be respectful.”

“Why are you even here? Fuck off.”

“I’m still your leader Minho, watch your tone. If you didn’t want to be found, you should’ve made an effort.”

Minho pulled away, sinking into the seat and tapped his fingers on the wooden table, settling to glare at you instead. “I thought you were letting me go back to Olympus.” You pulled your books into your lap, knuckles turning white from your grip. “I should go,” you nodded at Chan, “it was nice to meet you, Chan.” He shook his head, and as you tried to open the door, you found that it was just conveniently jammed. “Look, I don’t wanna do this but you guys need to talk it out,” he started, “And the sexual tension is killing me, Jesus.” You turned, taking your hand off of the knob. You let your bag fall to the side and slid back down to the seat, watching as the campus paths filled with large puddles of water. “Look, Minho, I’m sorry if I embarrassed you. But you were flirting with a waiter, and not to mention you let me get arrested.”

“Is that seriously what this is about? What are you, five?”

“You’re not exactly known for being loyal, Minho.”

“You’re supposed to be a mediator!”

“I’m mediating you being a bitch boy.”

“I am not! That’s bold coming from someone-”

“Can I leave?” you didn’t mean to interrupt, okay you did- whatever Minho was about to say was probably something personal, “I have a class and I need to get there early.” Minho scoffed at you and you sighed.

“Okay, what? What’s your fucking problem?”

“I took you to the best restaurant in town, and you threw a tantrum.”

You laughed in disbelief, leaning over the table and looked at him.”The sexual tension is like, literally suffocating me,” Chan said loudly, “I’m still here, you know, I’m asphyxiating.” Both of you ignored him, breaths hitched with the attention fixated on each other, suddenly infatuated with the tension in the room. “You flirt because you’re insecure. You thought I’d get bored, so you tried to prove that you’re available, bitch boy.” You weren’t sure it came from, the compulsion that came over you. A ripple of surprise washed over, but he quickly retaliated. Minho’s face as he leaned forward, pushing you back. “You’re just scared you can’t handle me. True, you don’t wanna fix me- but you’re scared that you’re not as exciting as my past lovers.” You were staring at each other now, both of you hauntingly relaxed but maintaining an aura of intimidation around one another. “I don’t need to be exciting, you’re just obsessed with me because I put you in your well-deserved place. You’ve been kept in a bubble all this time. It just gives you the hots when someone doesn’t worship the ground you walk on.” He licked his lips and smiled, “Actually, I think you’re the one who needs to be put in place. You’re too arrogant. You need to learn that I’m god from Olympus, babe- I deserve to be worshipped.” You leaned closer, your breath hot on his face as he watched, lips millimeters away from his but you brushed your lips against his ear instead, whispering lowly as the hair on his neck rose, “Over my dead body, babe.”

He spoke again as you moved back to leave, his finger ran across your lip and you refused to give him the satisfaction of moving away. “If you think you’re so high and mighty then race me,” he tilted his head and brought his lips close to yours, “I mean, if you’re not scared, babe.” You placed your thumb on his chin, tilting it up. This wasn’t like you, but you’d be damned if he was going to win this little show-off. Your nose and forehead were pressed against his as you spoke lowly, “You’re the one who should be scared, babe.”

[ivn-a]

March To The Sea - Chapter One

The soft sunlight filtering through the large curtained window in my room woke me up gently, as it usually did. Opening my eyes slowly, I looked up at my ceiling and sighed softly. As I sat up, I looked around at my room full of packed boxes. They were full of clothes and small belongings, my whole life packed into a few cardboard boxes. I moved to sit up, stretching my arms over my head and my joints popping slightly as I moved. 

Getting up, I walked over to my dresser and quickly changed into something to wear for the day. It was going to be a busy day and I wanted an early start. Once I was dressed, I brushed my hair and put it into a ponytail and declared myself ready. 

The house was empty other than me and it hit me all at once that I really was alone again. Tom was really gone. I had been very diligent to push my grief aside as I made the moving plans and if I was being honest, all the planning had served as a distraction from the reality that the love of my life was no longer with me. I paused in the middle of the hallway as those thoughts struck me. My heart shattering all over again and tears forming in my eyes. 

----

Sitting on the park bench nearest the bus stop, I couldn’t help the nerves in my belly and the constant stream of thoughts running through my mind. ‘What if he doesn’t like me? What if he thinks I’m ugly? Oh god, what if he’s boring? I never should have agreed to this stupid blind date! Damn it, James, why are you always pushing me out of my comfort zone?!’

“V-Violet?” A low rumble of a voice shook me out of my thoughts as I turned around on the bench. Standing there was a giant of a man with a kind but shy smile and hopeful eyes. And god, he was handsome. Like movie star handsome. Like I could look at him all day handsome.

“Are you Tom?” I managed to break my gaze away and look at my hands, which were visibly shaking. God he was going to think I was weird.

“I am.” He said and I could hear the smile in his voice and when I looked back at him, my breath was taken away. His smile was like pure, unfiltered sunshine. He moved around the bench and sat down next to me, every step he took felt deliberate.

When he was finally settled in next to me, I looked down at my lap. My hands were clasped together to make it less obvious that I was shaking in both nervousness and excitement.

“So...You’re the infamous Violet that James has told me about.” He didn’t sound disappointed.

I couldn’t help the small laugh I let out, “I honestly had no idea I was a topic of conversation for James until he told me that he had a friend that wanted to meet me.” I looked over at him and saw a small blush creeping up his neck and over his cheek. The way his shaggy blonde hair fell over his eyes made my heartstrings tug a little. 

“I probably sounded desperate to you, I apologize.” His voice was like distant thunder, rumbling and strong. He let out a small chuckle, “Please tell me I didn’t sound desperate.”

It was my turn to laugh a little again, “No! Not at all. I promise.” 

He stuck his hand out in front of me, his fist closed all except for his pinky. “Can you pinky promise though?”

I looked up at him with a stupidly large grin on my face, my cheeks heating up slightly and I knew I was probably red as a tomato. I wrapped my pinky around his, goosebumps crawling over my skin in excitement. “I pinky promise.”

----

“Violet, I’m going to miss the shit out of you.” James broke my thoughts away from those painful memories. He stood next to the moving truck, sweat dripping from his red face.

“I’m gonna miss you too, James. You and Molly have been so wonderful with helping me these last couple of months.” I said, sitting down on the curb next to where he was standing. Everything was packed away in the truck now. 

We could hear Molly’s car before we saw it, the muffler was dragging or something. She pulled up on the other side of the street and flung her door open. “I’m back! With cold treats!” 

James walked across the street to help grab the goodies that she had ran to grab. When they walked over to me, still sitting there, I couldn’t help but bite the inside of my cheek. James, Molly, and I had been close before Tom. I met them both in high school after I moved from a small town to the big city and James was my first friend there. He was already with Molly at the time and they had adopted me in their friend group but out of the group, the three of us were the only ones who still talked to each other. And then Tom came along, a friend of James’ from work, and we were together, it was like our group had been incomplete all along. The four of us were inseparable. But then Tom was gone. And our group was missing an important puzzle piece again.

“I got you a cookie crumble milkshake! I know it’s your favorite!” Molly interrupted my thoughts, making me aware of the fact that she was holding my beverage in my face. 

I gave her a halfhearted smile and took the milkshake, “Thanks.” 

James and Molly sat down on either side of me, both of them with their own milkshakes in hand. I looked down at the slightly melted ice cream in my hand as Molly set her head on my shoulder. “I’m gonna miss you, Vi.” She whispered.

“I’ll still visit. I’m only moving an hour and a half away, it’s not that bad of a drive.” I said, my voice sounding emotionless even to me. I took a small sip from my shake. “Besides, you guys can always come visit me. And I’ll still call you guys.”

They didn’t say anything. They knew I was moving to get away from all of the memories this place held for me. They knew I needed to go back to my roots in order to heal from losing Tom.

I needed to go back home to Pelican Town.

[i-am-parsec]

Unaddressed Letters - Part V

                                                           Leaving Jacksonville - part I

The night they leave is warm and quiet. End of the summer, the streets downtown are still fairly crowed after the sun goes down, Stacy has some costumers roaming around the thrift shop while Chase, just across the street, sweats in the kitchen of a Mexican restaurant, trying to leave no meat uncooked and no drink without ice.

During a brief moment of precious spare time, he checks his phone.

“Call me when you are done with the dishes, kitchen boy" reads the screen.

His heart skips a beat and he frowns. Of course she’s texting him, they are friends. They go back home together every single night after work. This is not something worth a heart-beat skipping, when the fuck is his brain going to get the memo?

He can’t continue his internal screaming - those burritos aren’t going to make themselves.

The young girl puts her phone away as an old man approaches the counter. Dark eyes, whitening short brown hair, a full goatee and about two heads taller than her. He doesn’t look scary per se, but neither does he look friendly and yet Stacy is invaded by an strange feeling of warm comfort when met by this unknown client and ponders, for a second, why. When it clicks, her hands freeze. She keeps her gaze glued on the light blue shirt she’s bagging, choking back the tears. It’s always like this, something ordinary, unimportant, pulls the trigger and the pain rushes to her eyes. She manages to snap out of it, but not without the man noticing.

“Is everything okay, ma’am?”

Fuck, even his voice is similar. She fails at smiling and looks away.

“Yes, sir, it’s just…you look a lot like...uh, my dad. Well, not a lot, it’s mostly the beard...I think…”

As she looks down, it’s impossible to deny the burn in her throat and the shaking of her hands. Not now, please, not here. Crying during working hours in a thrift shop that’s probably – totally – laundering drug money.

Well, that’s a new low.

“Did you lose him recently?” asks the man gently, prompting her to look up.

“No, I…I lost him when I was kid. He was shot…a robbery gone wrong…”

He nods, no trace of pity in his features, only compassion and understanding. Maybe he lives in town, maybe he also lost someone in the hands of the corrupted and greedy. Maybe he knows this pain too.

“I’m sorry to tell you, darling, that it won’t ever stop hurting, especially in your case, a loss so unfair, but let me tell you this…” the old man stops for a second, and then, with more conviction than Stacy has ever witnessed in her entire life “…you are strong enough to handle this and any other nonsense that life throws at you. You just gotta remember that, always."

Her phone buzzes for a long minute but she doesn’t pick up. She’s still holding her breath when he gives her the money. She wants to tell him to not worry about it, the shirt is on her, but with such a tight budget, every cent counts. All she can do is smile and thank him.

Another call. She tries her best to sound calm but Chase can tell something's wrong in the tiredness of her "hey". She explains quickly, hoping to ease his friend's mind - he's already anxious mess by default, wouldn't want to fuel it up - and after repeating at least ten times "yes, Chase, I swear I'm ok now", she sighs and then asks.

"Can we go down to the bar tonight?"

There's a second of silence. She hates drinking or, to be more precise, she hates seeing him drinking. She claims he likes it a bit too much for his own good. She continues.

"I'll hurry up and close this dumpster in a minute, and then we go straight down to Joe's, what do you say?"

He knows what his friend is doing, she's avoiding herself, avoiding the thinking, the pain and honestly, he can't blame her. He's been there, done that, and she always stayed by his side whenever he went into Emotionless Drunk Mess mode, so he has no problem returning the favor now.

"I say I'm covered in sweat, blood and other unknown bodily fluids so maybe we go home and take a shower first?"

When she laughs, he feels his heart become a little lighter.

"First of all: ew, gross; secondly: We take shower? Are you suggesting we take it together, Brody?"

And there it is, that's the Stacy he knows and loves - a teasing smart ass. This time though, he doesn't let her words fluster him - too much - and attacks back.

"Of course, Walters, we gotta do it for the environment's sake, you know? We gotta save water!"

"Oh, yeah, totally, that’s why, it has nothing to do with you dying to see me naked."

"I feel so insulted you would even dare to think that, young lady, I am a gentleman!"

"Oh, sure thing, perv. Okay, I'll finish here and meet you outside in a bit."

The smile on his face lingers all the way until he sees her walking out the store. He nods curiously at the bag on her hand. She smiles like a kid planning a prank and simply winks.

“I’m just borrowing a little something.”

“Uh, yeah, that’s called stealing, Stacy.”

She chuckles and then, as she usually does, starts a fire in his chest with just a short phrase.

“Don’t judge me, I just want to look pretty for our date.”

She’s joking, Brody, she’s fucking joking, like all friends do.

Just as they get to their stop, their bus arrives.

“This must be our lucky night” exclaims Stacy surprised. Once they are settled in their seats, she rests her head  on his shoulder and grabs his hand. Chase simply does his best to not suffer a stroke.

“We have to get out of here, dude. Soon.”

“That’s the plan” stutters the young man, wishing he could sound a bit less nervous by something that they have been doing for years now.

“Yeah, I know, but we always talk about it as a goal in the future and I…I don’t know. I feel like we shouldn’t wait too long or we might end up never leave this town” mutters Stacy with a sudden grim tone.

“Don’t say that, dude, of course we are doing it,” says her friend as her grabs her chin, looking for her eyes, all awkwardness replaced by the imperative need to bring her smile back “we promised we would, didn’t we?”

She nods half-heartedly and snuggles up against him, like a lost dog hides from the rain under a frail tree. As he hugs her, bringing her closer, he whispers against her dark hair: “Let’s set a date.”

“For our wedding? Sorry, Brody, but you haven’t even proposed to me yet” she jokes dryly.

Ignoring the sudden rush of heat on his body, he replies: “No, dumbass, for our escape!”

She come out of her shelter and looks at him with a hint of excitement on her eyes.

“A date?”

“Yeah, a date. Tell me when you want to leave.”

She bites her lower lip - one of her many quirks that drives him insane - and inhales slowly. As she breathes out, she answers: “End of this year. That should give us enough time to save a decent amount of money, make a good plan and maybe find a place to rent.”

“Well, end of the year it is. December 31 we are getting the fuck out of Jacksonville.”

And when he laughs, she feels the whole world become a little lighter.

More info, previous chapters, tag list AND HEADCANONS under the cut

First and foremost, I apologize for any mistakes in the chapter. This one wasn’t proof-read either and on top of that I wrote it on a rush but hopefully it’s decent ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

All chapters in chronological order, here. Previous chapter, here. Next chapter, here.

SO, yes, this is a two-part chapter - truth be told, I’m only posting this now and not both parts as one since I’m quite busy and have no time to finish writing it but I still wanted to post something now as, idk, a christmas special???? whatever, I just wanted to post it, lol

Anyways, HEADCANON TIME:

* As you may have noticed in the last chapter, Chase and Stacy’s daughter - Esperanza (which, by the way, means Hope in Spanish) - has a VERY Latino name, well, that’s because my hc is that Stacy is latina! Well, half latina, her mom is latina, her dad is white and because Stacy is white-passing and her mom knew about the struggles of being a Latina woman in the US, Stacy’s parents decided to give her a very white first name, so she would have it “easier” in life. Spoiler alert: she didn’t have it easier in life. Like, at all.

* Despite that, she still has a very Latino second name - Dolores (which means Pains in Spanish *winkwink*) - that she loves just as much as she loves her Latino heritage, and that’s why she named her daughter like that - Chase 100% loves the name as well.

* This is kinda spoilerish (because I will explore this headcanon in far more depth later on the fic) but I still feel you guys should know: Before they were the best of friends, Henrik and Chase were penpals - they met through an elementary school penpal project and kept writing each other all the way until adulthood, when they finally met face to face.

* Neither Chase or Stacy had pets - or were allowed to have any - by the time they became friends, but they both love animals and started feeding a cat they always came across on their way to school. They named the cat Sam.

* Stacy is allergic to cats. She loved Sam from a distance.

* Chase knows quite a bit of Spanish Stacy taugh him. She didn’t teach him just for funsies but because she ended up getting him a job in a Mexican restaurant and the owners didn’t speak English. She was very impressed by how easy it was for him to get used to the Latino enviroment and how good he turned out to be at cooking.

* Chase knows Stacy likes her second name better than her first, but sucks at pronuncing it correctly so he only call her Dolores jokingly andsometimeswhentheyhavesex

* They weren’t each others “first”, but Stacy told Chase after they did it for the first time that she had never enjoyed sex before him (and Chase almost cried because of such huge compliment).

* Esperanza is fluent in Spanish and English and knows a bit of German thanks to Uncle Henrik. Henrik is also Esperanza’s godfather.

I have way more headcanons but all of them are incredibly spoilery, so this is all you get for now. Now let’s move on to the next chap-

❤  Tag list ❤: @amyxmiaplay, @beck-pma, @closedworldofmathiel, @darktrash-drash, @fanfictionrecommendations-com, @flyingfishflopsthings, @fruitycasket, @happysingingturtles, @hiimizzyxoxo, @hishex, @kitnkas, @mcomegalletas, @mijako98, @mjjau, @mysterious-cupcake-ninja, @mysticalanimallover, @novasingalaxies, @plutoandpolaris, @probablyghosting, @randomartdudette, @saltyweirdbi, @sassy-in-glasses, @scarlet--raven, @septicuniverse, @skyewardlight, @thevampireauthoress, @youllnevertaketheskyfromme

Thank you so much for reading, hope you enjoyed it! If you did, please reblog, that helps me a lot ❤

[pixelpanicsposts]

Lynne Winter's Backstory

Dark Clouds appears , black demonic holes fills the blue sky causing them to become a dark red, huge creature started pouring out of them. The beasts started rampaging The village, and destroying homes and families, family is getting tore apart the creatures killing them. A small white fox families runs for safety, the father fox the King whom lives within the village to stay connected with villager. The mother fox holding a 5 years old Child And hold a boys hand running holding them close.

"M-mommy?! What are those things?!" The frightened girl watching The village get destroyed by creatures.

"don't worry sweetie, everything's going to be okay, we got you" the mother comforts her child tearing up running in fear with her husband.

"you guys go ahead, We're going to go help the villagers" the king and the prince stops and turn around helping his citizens to safety

"Jack! Clover!" The wife yelled at her husband she turned around but got stopped as a creature looked at her she held a child close to her and started running as fast as she can

"D-daddy!!! Clover!" The little girl reached out towards her father, before she know it, she watched creatures attack her father and so killing him, Clover never to be seen

The child sobs into her mother's shoulder.

"shush, it's alright, my child, everything's going to be all right" she soothe her child, as she hugged her tight jogging to the end of the village, and leading up to a cliff.

The queen starts to panic, it started breathing heavily as deep growls come closer. She puts her child down and kneeled in front of her.

"listen, Lynne... I want you to live the best life, don't blame yourself for what happens today, I love you and so does your father. We are really proud of you.... But most of all fight for us, honey" the mother fox, kisses her forehead. As she finished talking to a child a big monster appeared behind her

"I'm sorry, Lynne" she pushes her off the cliff.

"m-Mooom!" As she fell everything felt slow down. She saw the monsters eating her mom. She started to cry then she hit the water then everything turned black.

She reopened her eyes, she washed on shore on an island, still wearing her royal family gown having the symbol of her family on the back of it. She walked into the beach, coughing up water, still opening her eyes to the new place. She starts to roam the island soon finds a village, and ask for help

"e-excuse me? Do you know where I am?" She asked a villager

The villager looked at a confusingly then notice the symbol of the royalty. Then he gasp

"you're the missing child! Of the winter's family!" He spoke the pointed at a missing child poster.

"you've been missing for months! Your brother has been looking for you!-". Before he could finish the girl got gagged behind her and drag away with the rag on her face.

3 hours later she woke up in a cage

"hello? Is anyone here?" She asked in a soft cry.

"shut up!". As the man in the dark voice hit her cage with his staff. "You're going to be her for a while, you're not leaving to 18 then you're going off to, Sir Yutta, he'll be given to him to be his...bride" he told her.

"w-what?, Bu-"

"NO Buts, you will stay here, till further notice"

As soon as the man left she hide her knees and sobbed into them

"mommy daddy, clover, I miss you I hope you can find me soon" she sobs

After living in the small cage over 13 years, it was finally time for her to get married to a complete jerk. She heard this man treated women badly, throwing bottles of wine at them, using their bodies for stuff, everything else just bad.

Time SKIP lol

She was walking the stairs and a big white wedding dress, with a veil behind her, all makeup hair done. With a frown on the face. she ended up making a friend named V. She comfort her no matter what situation. V walked her up the stairs. V was a Golden retriever. She was always full with excitement. Which always brighten Lynne mood. But not today. I just thought run through her head she thought of right away, before she knew it she started to run for it, to the closest window even though it was high above she didn't even think about it. She jumped, she thought it was very high up but she ended up rolling down the hill, shattered glass everywhere one giant piece of stuck her right in the side, with her rolling it down to her stomach down to her thigh, she cried out in pain, As guards started yelling, she put your hand on her stomach and look at her bloody hand and winces .

"crap..".Lynne holds onto his side and starts running into the forest, she runs quickly as she can until she reached the end, she saw an empty boat she quickly undid everything. And pushed yourself onto the boat and away from the shore. As guards reached the end of the sea, yelling and throwing a the ground in anger failing their mission.

Lynne pants and held the side of her stomach. She inhaled the fresh air and release

"I'm free....IM FREE!!" She cheered but whined at the pain on her side. "Ow.."

Few days of drifting at a random direction it managed to reach to New Island. An island that no one knows who she is, an island that's the middle of nowhere. The villager saw that there is an unknown boat coming towards them and started a crowd at the store, large strong men walk into the sea pulling the boat onto the shore helping the Canadian Fox out.

She coughed out of exhaustion

Her eyes were blurry but she managed to spoke some words

"t-thank you...". She passed out by hearing villagers telling her to bring her into a home and helping her.

As soon as she woke up she was in different clothes, she woke up all sweaty and freaked out as she was having a nightmare, gasping

"w-what, where, why, how?!". So many questions popped into mind.

"shush shush shhh it's okay, you were sleeping for a while you have a huge cut on your side so we helped you, we're not going to hurt you" welcoming voice spoke

"who- who Are You?" Lynne spoke to them

"I'm Kiara, I'm the healer of this village, also as the caretaker" she said

"thank you, you don't know how how much this means to me, I would have been stuck in a dead marriage, I was forced into". Lynne said laying back down.

Kiara smiled at her "it's okay now you're safe here this place is secuted, I believe no one will find you whatever so you're welcome to stay here as long as you like, if you need some money you can work with me".

Lynne smiled back "all right I like that".

Has Lynne healed, within a few months she started walking and helping other villagers to show her thankfulness for what they did, they made her feel like family. She was so happy that none of them knew that she was a royalty . She didn't even want to be royalty. Now the only thing that comes to mind is to look for her brother clover. First thing she's going to do is look for her brother. She may find help on the way are you a new friends but that stories for another day. To be continued.

[pandaisalwaysinlove]

Dance with me   Suga x reader

Summary: Yoongi is romantic, however he tries to act otherwise. Sometimes you can’t appreciate him enough.

Genre: fanfiction, suga x reader / yoongi x reader

Warning: fluff, angst (??)

Rating: /

A/N: I dedicate this to @a-r-m-y-g-i-r-l  

I dono.. is Suga enough Suga? I can pretty imagine him like this,but what do you think?

Yoongi’s lips wandered around your waist. His hands touched your’s knee dimples. There was no rush. His movements were gentle. Smooth. He  held delicate one. He liked to say that. You were delicate and brittle. Whenever he touched your, his touch was gentle and his fingers became those, with which he danced on the piano. You’ve seen him play so many times. And you always noticed the change he went through. He locked himself in his shell, but also exposed his very soul to everyone. And he was just like that now. 

It started to rain. Strings of hard fast rain lashed the streets and water  pounded on the roof. Big drops fell down on the sill from it. It sounded like small stones, ending up on the river bottom. 

His kisses were floaty like touch of butterfly wings. From the hips it slowly came upper on the edge of your belly. 

As he reached this particular part you got goose bomps. As the time went by, you got used to his touch on your body. On the booty. On the back. Or even on the chest. But this. It reminded of the time when one hand touched you without asking. When someone invaded this sacred area. 

You didn’t want to spoil it again. Better to move him somewhere else.  Your hand pushed him up and he understood. 

You foundhourself in his warm and safe arms. His lips connected with yours. His hand slowly fondled the naked skin under your shirt. Although you repaid his kisses, your body was trembeling. It wasn’t because of cold. This was the first time you  reached so far. He was going to take the shirt off. Thereyou stopped him. 

You pulled away slowly and with closed eyes  shook your head.

He breathed out heavily. His heart was beating loudl and fast. He didn’t know. His hand let go the hem of yourshirt. 

“I’m sorry..” you whispered.

Those cold hands. Quickly ripping  shirt off her. So hard. So rush. Pain .Sweat. Tears. Just few months ago. Before  Yoongi. 

You forgott how uncomfortable is touch. It connects with smell of blood.

You didn’t look at him. Your eyes were full of tears. Youlooked away and wiped out the first sign of weakness. 

“I’m so  sorry, I..” slight sob slipped from your lips.He felt disappointed.But then you looked at him. 

One hand pulled you towards him and the other fondled your back. He wasn’t angry or mad. He was sad. But your tears caused him more pain. He couldn’t handel the sight. Whenever you cried, he must have hugged you. He didn’t see the pain in your face and only this way he could comfort you. 

“Sorry, I’m not.. not yet..” you cried and huddled.

He didn’t know, what to say. 

“Don’t be sorry.” kiss on the head “I’m not angry..” 

“You should be..” you whispered

“And why is that?”

You shook yourself a bit. Your hand petted his back “I wouldn’t be surprised..” 

Then he pulled you away from him. You leaned on his hand, which separated tyou both.

She is beautiful.

He didn’t have words to express her beauty. If he ever wrote a song about beauty, it was for her. His way of expressing love was in music. She surmised it. But he never told her.

“Do you think,” he started slowly and tucked  hair behind your right ear “that I would ever,”  his fingers slightly touched edge of your face “nag you for this?” his eyes look straight to  yours. 

She had to know. She knew him too well to know, that he’s telling her those two words that he could put only between notes. 

Your lips waved into sad smile. He kissed your forhead. 

“There’s something wrong with..” 

“There’s nothing wrong with you.” he interrupted you decisively “..you just need more time.” 

You lied down “Thank you..” you dragged his hand to your face and breathed in slowly. He wished to stop that moment. But he head a better idea. He can improve that moment. 

He got up and went to the chest of drawers upon which was old gramophone. 

“You said you wan to go home..” sou said. 

Probably she tought that the intime moment is over and that they will act like nothing happened. He didn’t intend that. 

“I am home.”  he answered.

Drops of water were striking on the window. Its sound was loud. You heard it now. Sky was overcast and only street lamps lightened the street. This light pervaded through the louvre, painting horizontal stipes on the ber. It made the room look like unclear blurry surrealistic painting. 

You cuddled in the sheets and hid your face in pillow. 

Come away with me in the night

Come away with me

And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus

Come away where they can't tempt us

With their lies

And I wanna walk with you

On a cloudy day

In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high

So won't you try to come

Room  filled  music and captivating female voice. 

Yoongi quietly turned to the bed. She had closed eyes. He knew, she feels bad. But he just couldn’t find proper words to comfort her. He took her hand and  his fingers interweaved hers. She answered his grip. 

“Dance with me.” 

our eyes found his. He looked at you so gently like only he could. His eyes warmed the soul and you knew.

She got up and cuddled into his warm, safe arms. 

Come away with me and we'll kiss

On a mountaintop

Come away with me

And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain

Falling on a tin roof

While I'm safe there in your arms

So all I ask is for you

To come away with me in the night

Come away with me

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lbjZPFBD6JU

[biebsimagine]

Oceans get Rough, and Ships Sink

WARNING:

Please read take the time to read this beforehand. I wanted to warn people that there may be sensitive subjects in this imagine that act as a trigger for some people. If the topic of self-harm is something you wouldn’t feel comfortable reading about, please, put you first and don’t read any further. 

I want everyone to know that this isn’t me romanticising self-harm or making fun or taking hits, neither is this something I want people to see in a positive light or agree with and believe it’s something to be taken lightly. 

This is one of the rawest imagines I’ve written to date. This is honest and truthful, and right now I see two sides of me in [Y/N] and Jason. I wrote this imagine in the early morning yesterday. This piece of writing is me currently, and my thoughts and feelings and I hope everyone who reads this can understand that. Enjoy. 

Jason's argument was that it was no big deal. It was no big deal because everyone probably did it at some point in their life, it just so happens that he doesn't want to stop.

And it shattered my heart to see those lines on his skin, whenever they peered from beneath the sleeves of his t-shirt it felt as though someone was reaching down my throat and gripping my heart, managing to nudge every other essential organ while they were at it.

I'd only ever brought it up once or twice, and each time he came off so casual - slouched in the chair, cigarette between his fingers, eyes hooded - that it sent chills down my spine, as well as an aching to my heart.

The blade sat on the side of the sink, one tiny speck of red sat to the right of it. All I could do was watch it with anger bubbling in my stomach, creating something toxic threatening to escape my lips, and there's only one person I wanted to aim it at.

I tried convincing myself that it was all because I cared, that I was angry because I loved him and wanted him to be okay. That thought was my guilt-free ticket to being angry at someone who just needed help.

Jason was downstairs. He wasn't coming up any time soon; I could throw the blade away and that'd be step one. My heart began to float like a ship on calm ocean as my plan formed. But oceans get rough and ships sink.

He has more razors, and even if he didn't, he could take a ten minute trip to the store and buy more. I felt helpless.

Plodding down the stairs, Jason slowly came into view. He sat with his feet up on the table, the newspaper in his hands.

"Hey," I said softly to announce my presence.

"Still no mention in the newspapers, it's like they don't want to catch me." He chuckled to himself and it was a beautiful sound. It was what caused me to grab the paper and sit myself down on his lap. His large hands were quick to take a hold of my thighs. "And how are you today?" he asked just before he planted a sweet kiss on my lips.

"I'm alright." I played with the collar on his v-neck. "How are you?"

"I'm a lot better now that you're sat here," he muttered, pressing his lips against my jaw. "I like this colour on you." He motioned to the lilac sweater draped over my shoulder.

"Thank you," I laughed, watching as he played with the material, moving it between his fingers delicately.

"You want breakfast?" he asked while his nose traced my neck.

"M'not very hungry," I whispered, my stomach clenching whenever I thought about his wrists that were probably stinging as I spoke. "Have you eaten?"

"Just toast," he said disinterested.

And that was when my heart was yanked out of my chest and my mouth ran wild.

"Why do you leave it on the side of the sink?"

My question sat in the air for so long it became uncomfortable. It danced around our heads.

He shrugged. "Just so I know where it is for-"

"For next time?"

"Yeah."

"And you're totally okay with me seeing it, are you?"

"It's no big deal, [Y/N]," he said coldly. "Don't worry about it."

"But it is a big deal, Jason! Do you not see it?" I attempted to move from his lap but he held me in place.

"People cut all the time, it's not-"

"Broken people cut."

"I'm not broken, I'm not depressed, I'm not suicidal. It's just a way of stress relief." He shrugged and it felt like a slap to the face, my eyes stung with tears.

Stress relief.

What was wrong with going for a run to burn off some steam? Or turning it into creativity? Don't some people get tattoos instead of purposely harming themselves? I'd even take sex each and everytime Jason felt things becoming too much. Anything other than having to see cuts turn to scars.

"Fine, whatever, but I hope you know that you're hurting me as much as yourself."

I watched his expression soften, but I knew the situation all too well to know he wasn't going to stop just because his precious princess thought it was wrong.

"[Y/N], you don't have to worry about me, I promise," he said, watching me closely with fingers tracing my thighs.

"I don't have to, but I do. It's not healthy, Jason-"

"Maybe not, bu-"

"Stop fucking interrupting me," I spat, surprising Jason as well as myself. "I want to help you and you're not letting me, so why am I still trying? Why don't I just leave?"

I'd be lying if I said it wasn't my way of trying to convince him, make him think he was losing me so maybe, just maybe, he'd come to some sense.

To my disappointment, he didn't panic, he didn't tighten his grip on me, he barely even moved. He was calm.

And very much fucking collected.

"You wouldn't."

"Oh, really?" I cocked an eyebrow at him.

"Mhm."

"What makes you think that?" I questioned with a heavy heart; I knew he was right. He knew he was right.

"You wouldn't be trying so hard to help me if you were prepared to leave. You care too much."

"I fucking hate you," I mumbled, finding sudden interest in his shirt once again.

"You love me," he pointed out. "And I love you too, so fucking much."

"If you loved me you wouldn't hurt me."

"I'm not hurting you purposely, just myself. You can't win, [Y/N]."

His words pierced through my like I imagined the blade would his skin; I winced. I was defeated, I'd been defeated for a long while but like the deer fleeing the lion, I kept fighting, thinking I actually stood a chance.

I nodded and I could see it confused Jason. I liked that. It reinforced my next decision; it came so quick that I didn't really given myself time to decide if it was the right. I got to my feet without speaking another word.

The floor was cold beneath my feet, but the stairs weren't so harsh.

"Where are you going?" Jason called out, probably turning to watch me. I wouldn't know because I didn't dare look back. "[Y/N]?"

I only had one thing on my mind, even if I was still contemplating while moving closer to where I knew I needed to be.

What else could I do? What are you supposed to do when someone just doesn't listen?

Somewhere between the top of the stairs and the bathroom door, something must have clicked deep within Jason's brain. All I heard was the echo of his voice as he yelled 'No!'

It made me hesitate, but not stop in my tracks completely. The bathroom light caused a glare on the metal.

There was thump, thump, thump and it took me a few seconds to realise it wasn't my heart against my ribs, but Jason's feet against the stairs.

It was cold between my fingers. I hated it. Despised the sight of it. I wanted to kill it, despite it being an inanimate object. I wanted to kill it for that simple fact.

Jason appeared in the doorway, breathing heavily with eyes wide. There it was - the look of sheer panic. Success.

"Don't you fucking dare, [Y/N], I mean it-"

"What are you gonna do about it?" I asked, twirling the blade carelessly.

"That blade comes anywhere near your precious skin and I swear to God-"

I laughed. A full blown, head-falling-back laugh that ricocheted of the tiled walls. "Look what happens when the roles are reversed. Do you see what you're doing to me?"

"I do, I do, okay? P-please, just put the fucking thing down." Jason looked close to tears and it broke my heart.

But I didn't listen. The blade sat in my wrist, waiting to cause chaos. I pressed down threateningly.

"[Y/N], don't you fucking dare.."

"Then stop, at least fucking try, if not for you then for me. You don't even try, Jason," I whimpered, feeling myself close to tears.

I was scared. Terrified. I'd never been close to doing anything risky, and there I was; blade to wrist, shaking boyfriend before me and anything but ready. I'm sure that was what made Jason confident enough to step closer.

"Just hand it over, baby. This isn't right. You don't have to do it."

But there was one last encore, one more flash of anger left inside of me that caused my next move. Before I knew it, the blade was sinking to the bottom of the toilet bowl, now acting as the sinking ship.

I gasped as Jason attacked me, throwing his arms around my shaking frame and pulling me into his embrace.

"Fucking hell," he whispered. "Don't you ever do that again."

I was silent because I knew I couldn't promise if he wasn't willing to. I had to wonder if any of it was going to make any difference.

"You're so fucking stupid," he muttered against my hair. "But you're sly, I'll give you that." He chuckled but I didn't have the energy to join in.

"You're not stopping, are you?"

"I'll accept your help and do my best, but that's all I can give you. It becomes very fucking addictive, it's not easy. It's like something screaming at me, telling me it'll be alright if I give in just one last time."

His words stayed with me, and in the end, I stayed with him. We held each other in a tight embrace for a while, letting the silence take over. Nothing felt certain in that moment, but I didn't mind. Just one day at a time.

I’m just writing this for anyone who may be going through similar things or is having any trouble with issues they feel are too big for them to handle. I love you so, so much. I care so fucking much about people and it hurts my heart. I hope life is treating you well, and I hope you find it in your heart to take care of yourself, as well as the people around you. Always choose love. 

Just in case anyone needs it.

[thirstyfortom]

High School Band AU: Ch. 18

“Disappointment.” He states stoically.

“What?”

“I’m disappointed at you.” Jumin crosses his arms and… is the door open? Because you feel colder, like all the snow is coming inside the store… or maybe is just his face expression. “That’s how I feel about you, MC.”

“Okay. Thanks for the…uhm, honesty, I…”

“I’m not done.” You furrow your eyebrows as he raises his hand to stop you from talking. “Please, listen. I’m not talking about just looking at me like that with those big eyes of yours and feign attention, I need you to listen, MC.”

“I’m listening, Jumin.” You nod, more to yourself than to him.

“What you did was irresponsible, immature, and reckless. I… was very shocked in light of the situation, that’s why I didn’t take action right in the spot, but just know if I wasn’t so… overwhelmed, MC, I wouldn’t let things go as they did. Do you understand that?”

“Yes, Jumin. I… I’m sorry for accusing you, calling you a cheater, I… I misunderstood, I…”

“What are you talking about?”

“Sleeping with V, calling you a cheater…?” you both stare at each other in puzzlement. “Wait. What are you talking about?”

“I’m talking about you quitting the band all of a sudden.” What?

You blink in surprise, your mouth half ajar as you decide what to say next.

“All… all of a sudden? Jumin, you… heard all that conversation we all had in the dark, right?”

“Yes.”

“And…? You’re still not able to understand why would I quit the band?”

“No, I can’t see how all that conversation could be related with such a irresponsible decision.”

Oh Jesus… he… he is talking seriously, isn’t he?

“So, you don’t understand how my latest decisions created a tense environment, making the work as a band impossible?”

“When did this happen, MC?”

“When Rika told me I’m manipulating all of you!” you yell, immediately regretting for losing control like this.

Jumin stares at you, he doesn’t widen his eyes, it almost looks like he’s not breathing.

“Are you?”

“What?”

“Are you manipulating all of us? Do you feel like you’ve gained something out of this?”

“I…”

“Because as far as I can tell, you don’t look so happy for someone who theoretically succeeded in her manipulative plans of… dominance.”

Your eyes lock with his once more.

“To me, it looks like you got hurt by hearing such harsh words.”

“Well, wouldn’t you?”

“I wouldn’t, because I know myself enough to know what is true and what is not about me. I… though we were alike in that sense… but I think I was wrong.”

“And that’s why you’re disappointed?”

“Yes, a little. But also because I would never imagine you would give up so easily.”

“Come on, Jumin, now you’re being insensitive, you heard what Rika said.”

“I did, and to me it just felt like ranting of a paranoid mind affected by drugs, which I take full responsibility for, believe me. And it should feel to you as well, MC. You’re smart and… fierce, you’re the girl who made not only me, but Saeran to shut up and listen to you sing out loud how you are the greatest star! And… I can’t believe that girl wouldn’t get disappointed at what you’re doing right now as much as I am.”

“So… you’re just here to make me feel guilty for leaving?”

Now he widens his eyes, fumbling his hands as he adjusts his posture and clears his throat.

“No, MC. I’m here to remind you how amazingly talented you are and how you should not let something like this to defeat you! I… know I can be very cold sometimes, you saw how I have to be because of the kind of environment my father exposes me, but I would never let someone I care to torture themselves like you are doing right now.”

“I’m not torturing myself, Jumin. I… am leaving you guys so you will forget all the mess I made. This isn’t just about me, this is about… oh God…” you sigh, looking above to fight the tears.

“What?”

“I am becoming my mother, that’s all.”

“What… what do you mean?”

“I am… weird, and… I have so much anger inside me. I hurt people unintentionally, but as soon as I realize what I did, I run away. That’s what my mom did, that’s… that’s what I’m doing.”

“MC...”

“Yes, Jumin. I’m acting like her. Don’t you… don’t you wonder if you ever will start acting like your father?”

“I highly doubt it.”

“But what if you did? What’s the worst feature on your father you can think of and that you would hate to have yourself?”

“His weakness towards women…” he blinks slowly. And it doesn’t take a genius to know what he’s thinking, the guy who was getting drugs for a girl who was supposed to be in rehab. “I insist you reconsider, MC, I…”

“Thank you, Jumin.” You walk towards him, giving a squeeze in his hand. “You’re not weak. You’re just considerate to the people you care, that’s vey noble.”

“Why do I feel you’re trying to smother the situation and not coming back?”

“Because I’m not. I’m sorry, Jumin, but… my mom was selfish, but… you have to be at some point. I mean…she’s happy now, so… all I want is to be happy.”

“MC, I…”

“And I know that’s what you want, not only for me, but for everybody in the band, since you are very considerate. “

Jumin sighs as you walk him to the door. Is he still trying to convince you? No, he won’t. He saw for himself how much talking about your mother affects you, he knows very well how parents can affect someone. And as he waves an awkward goodbye, you sigh in relief. Maybe you didn’t fuck up all of them, at least Jumin is fine enough not to let him fall for someone like you. Too bad you never really became friends.

But maybe is for the best. You’re so used to being lonely, this doesn’t have to change, maybe it never did.

“I never loved nobody fully. Always one foot on the ground. And by protecting my heart truly, I got lost in the sounds…”

The next day, you took the bus to school, your headphones became your old pals again.

“I hear in my mind, all these voices. I hear in my mind, all these words. I hear in my mind, all this music. And it breaks my heart… And it breaks my heart…”

Walking down the hallway, you kept staring at you sneakers the whole way to your locker. You could feel many figures passing behind you, but only one made you raise your gaze a little.

Saeran dyed his hair…it looks like shit.

“Suppose I never ever met you, suppose we never fell in love. Suppose I never ever let you kiss me so sweet and so so-o-o-o-oft…”

Ugh… chemistry class right now, where is that fucking book? Ah, you really need to remember organizing your books by the order of the classes you’ll have and… oh… the flyer for the audition… why did you keep it? Well, you planned to glue in the door of your locker, along with the pic you took with the band before that show you guys did at that senior’s party…

“Suppose I never ever saw you. Suppose you never ever called. Suppose I kept on singing love songs just to break my own fall…”

You’re about to close the door of your locker, but someone does the… uhm, favor for you. For one moment, you wonder if Saeran turned around and came… no, why would he do that? It’s not Saeran! It’s…

“Ja-Jaehee!”

She says something, but you don’t listen. Oh, right! Headphones… you take them off and shake your head, signing for her to speak again.

“I said we need to talk.”

“Oh, uhm… I would like to, but I have class right now…”

“You’re pretty decent in chemistry, MC.”

“Yeah, because I attend classes. And how do you know that?”

“I keep an eye in all the band members’ grades, it’s important to balance education with practicing, you know?” ah Jaehee… so caring, so diligent… and how did you repay her? By not letting her coming out to you when she was trying…

“Well, that’s nice, but you don’t have to worry about my grades anymore, since I’m not a member…”

“Come with me, MC.” She ignores you and places a hand in your shoulder, giving you a little shove to walk forward.

“Jaehee, I… where are we going?”

“To talk, MC, as I just said.”

“If this is about the band, I… I already talked to Jumin, and…”

“Jumin is not in charge, I am.” She sighs. “And you can never send a man to do a woman’s job, can you?”

Oh… did she… did she tell Jumin to go talk to you last night? Did she tell Saeyoung too? No, that’s unlikely.

“If… if you say so…”

“Good. That’s why the three of us are going to talk this through as women.”

“Three?”

You recognize the place, it’s the abandoned musical theatre room, the place the band gets together to quick meetings and, in a one time case, where Jumin almost jumped in Zen’s throat. Gosh… it feels like ages, but it happened less than a month ago, everything happened in less than four weeks ago… and so much has happened…

It’s a place with bad memories, but it can get worse, because when you and Jaehee walk in to, you see a very familiar figure jumping from her chair.

“Jaehee, what the hell? What is she doing here?”

Funny, you could ask the same.

“Well, Rika, as I just told MC, we’re going to solve this as women. Sit, you two.”

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