#because at the end of the day fox did accepted to have eris for a year with him before she went to the orphanage

[malkaviian]

you know, golden probably gets very jealous sometimes of spring's relationship with the inmates, especially his Very Special(tm) group

[princess-tulip-writes]

Can I request some Eris action? Just anything smut or fluff?

"we must get up, eris, we have no time to lie in bed." you reminded, but nevertheless continued on giggling.

"oh, my dear y/n, you've lost perception of time, i'm afraid. as high lord, i say we've all the time in the world." he muttered against your cheek groggily. "unless it's you who wishes to leave my wonderful presence."

you snorted at him, another giggle leaving your throat at his cocky attitude. even when tired, he seemed to have his ego inflated. he wasn't lying though; you did find his company rather wonderful.

"of course not, if it were up to me i'd spend all day in bed with you, eris."

"but today it is up to you, little fox. we shall lie in bed as long as you'd like, because i demand it."

your heart fluttered at his words, the small nickname he gifted you rolled off of his tongue as if it was a simple, meaningless phrase. to him, it might have been.but to you, it meant nearly everything. it was special, one that was accustomed to the autumn court, and for you to get the privilege to be the one labled it, could bring you to tears. you didn't want to give any mind to who else eris might have called by that name had you not been his high lady, for you knew all too well that it would only hurt you in the end.

you were his lady, his love. no matter what universe you were in, you knew deep down that you would always be his only.

"you're ridiculous, eris."

"well, so be it." his lips were still on your cheek, his body pressing against your back as an arm wrapped around your torso.

you could feel that he was moving in and out of slumber, the strong scent of you knocking him old cold. your warmth engulfed him in a giving hug, inviting him in with open arms.

you were going to say something snarky back at him, but you soon felt the shallow breaths of your mate against you, and soft snores left his plump lips against you.

you smiled softly to yourself.

this was so many women's dream that you were living. you knew of many fae who would scratch and claw their way to just be with eris for one night, regardless if he spoke to them from that day forward. but you, you got the luckiest hand drawn. to spend every morning, night, and evening with him was the biggest gift anyone could offer.

you placed your hand on his sharp jaw, rubbing the stubbled skin soothingly for a few moments, careful not to wake him.

"i love you, my fox." you whispered softly, before retracting your hand away from his face, only to place it over top of his own that hugged you close.

deciding that from the looks of things, he was serious, you accepted the fate of today by closing you eyes as well, and allowing yourself to drift off to slumber.

[abruisedmuse]

Questions that i believe everyone wants know about Lucien tha we should ask SJM on their next live:

Will we see him shine when he's happy?

What was his life like while living at the autumnal court?

How did Jesminda get close to him? Can we expect a book talking about this?

Did he have any relationship with the brothers? What was the closest and why is Eris?

Why is he called a fox? What did he do to be called that?

Will we see more of his friendship with Feyre in the next books?

Would the possibility of Lucien become something very important in one of the courts?

Why is the inner circle so suspicious of Lucien?

Do you also think we should ask that and run away from the questions wanting him sassy again?

It would be awesome if she answered anything about Lucien. My best advice is just keep asking. Every live send the questions in because you never know and all Lucien stans I encourage you to send in asks about him. Unfortunately, most asks tend to revolve around the IC, the ships within it and the valkyries. Whether this is lack of Lucien asks or because she can't say much on him we don't know.

I can do you a solid nonnie and give you my thoughts. Obviously I'm not SJM but hey. Anyway my responses are in order of your questions.

I think we will see him shine when he's happy. I think it will be with or because of Elain. I know it's probably cheesy for him to glow when they accept the bond (mainly because Feysand did it) but I'd love that for them. For him to truly be happy in that moment because Elain loves him and she's finally, finally accepting the bond.

I want to think it's similar to Chaol's upbringing. How his father treated him terribly but the people of the autumn court and the sentries actually liked him. But idk if the sentries would. We don't know enough about the autumn court to say. It was definitely arough childhood and his only good moments were of with his mother and Jesminda. Possibly even Eris but he's blocked those thoughts out after Jes' death.

Well Lucien traveled alot. So they probably met that way. In a market, in the woods. Given SJM said she'd never do a novella on Rhys' sister cause it ends tragically. I can't see a novella about this.

If he had any relationship with his brothers, their involvement with Jesminda has completely ruined it. Though I'm inclined to believe he didn't. That all of them with the exception of Eris were terrible to Lucien. They only backed off when Eris told them to get fucked. Eris was/is the closest to him. He's the only to stick his neck out for Lucien and pay the price for it I'm sure. Every single time he stepped in for Lucien I can guarantee he was beaten, most likely whipped for it. As long as Lucien was okay even if for a few moments he'd endure it. That being said, I don't think Eris actively sought out time with Lucien. If Lucien wanted to be around him he wouldn't push him away. But it was too risky, especially as Lucien grew to spend brotherly time with him.

Foxes generally symbolize sly/cleverness playfulness/mischievousness, independence protection. I think beauty too. Not sure how it became a nickname. Whether before the events of Amarantha or during when he got mask. But the symbolism of a fox fit him. Not to mention foxes are primarily associated with autumn.

I hope so. I'm looking forward to his friendship with Vassa and Jurian. But I miss his friendship with Feyre so much.

HIGH. VERY HIGH. He's heir to the day court and there's also a possibility of him being the High Lord of Spring. There's theories around that he could be High King and Elain his Queen. Being how connected and well liked he is I can totally see that!

Because he's from the Autumn Court and was the Spring Court Emissary that's literally it. Apparently just because of that, he's sus. However, since acosf came out. I think the only two with a dislike towards him is Az and Mor. Cassian and Nesta like him. Rhys does too, or at least respects him. Az well...we know how Az feels 🙄 and Mor...Idk at first I understood because of what she went through. By now she had to know what happened to Jesminda, she knows what he did for Prythian in acowar and to say he's scheming... you should know by now, especially with Elain in Velaris that he wouldn't do anything to them. That he's not bad.

[sarahjtv]

BNHA Chapter 325 Spoiler Analysis: United As One

The week has passed and so has summer.  Damn...  At least Shonen Jump’s got my back.  And Deku is finally welcome home thank god.  Now, give this kid a damn good meal, sleep, and a motherfreaking bath already.  NGL, this week has been busy for me and I’m tired AF, so I think I’ll only go over the parts that stuck out to me:

Man, god bless Kota for running up to Izuku to help him!  This kid has been through so much yet he still decided to run up to Izuku to help him.  He’s sobbing his eyes out too 😭.  I’m pretty sure he’s apologizing for not moving during the Muscular fight (in Kota’s defense, Izuku would’ve probably died if not for Kota) and he’s telling Izuku that “I am here” (OF COURSE HE SAYS THOSE WORDS) so Izuku doesn’t need to cry anymore.  And to top it all off, Kota calls Izuku “Nii-chan” which I’m pretty sure means older brother 😭❤️ If Horikoshi brings Eri in next week, I’m going to cry waterfalls dammit

The Fox Lady is so kind and pretty dammit Horikoshi give her a name already!  She’s so happy to see Deku again and thanks him for saving her.  Even calls him “Mr. Crybaby Hero” 😭  The way she picks him up like a small child is both sweet and funny too ☺️ I await the fanart!

A-AND THEN SHE AND KOTA HUG DEKU 😭💚💚💚💚

On a more serious note, the Fox Lady mentions that she got rejected from a lot of evacuation centers because they don’t accept mutant types like her.  Of course discrimination still exists in this world.  Of freakin’ course.  Just like in the real world...  And considering that Horikoshi mentioned that Shoji would have a role in the future and also show his face finally in some interviews (Horikoshi also teased that he wanted to give Shoji a bigger story YEARS ago), I have a feeling this subject will be brought up again in the future.

The Old Star Man from the first chapter/episode who encourages Deku to be a hero returns this chapter to give a big speech to the crowd.  This guy is a real one ✊.  Basically, he says that the crowd needs to shut up and understand what’s going on for a hot minute.  That everyone projected All Might’s “Perfect Heroness” onto the every other hero that they all forgot that Heroes are just people at the end of the day.  If the people don’t support the heroes still fighting now, they’re screwed.  Ultimately, it’s the civilians who have to save the heroes when they’re hurting.  Not just other heroes.  Horikoshi, please give this man a name too, he’s long deserved it.

Then the boy in the All Might shirt who’s been protesting for the past 2 chapters says something reasonable for once.  His views on Deku have been mixed around thanks to all the things that have been rumored about Deku on the internet and word of mouth.  Which kinda justifies his anger and doubt, but he still should’ve have been a jerk to Deku and Ochako.  

Deku finally speaks a full sentence declaring that he and his friends and mentors will make everything ok again.  I can’t wait to see that promise be fulfilled, my son 💚

We change focus to Shoto, Endeavor, and Hawks (who are confirmed to have been outside the barrier for the past few chapters; I was wondering about that).  They’re finally being allowed into UA for now.  Unfortunately the 3 of them probably would’ve caused more discourse if they entered while the civilians were rioting.  Endeavor and Hawks from the press release and just Shoto existing really.  Please let them stay there permanently.  

Gotta say that Endeavor looks so freaking tired throughout this whole thing.  The Toya thing + The Deku thing must be weighing extremely heavy on him.  I do feel bad for him honestly.  

Hawks tells Endeavor how OFA has, in a way, connected everyone together.  All Might to Deku to Class 1-A back to Deku to Ochako to the people.  And if the people can truly care for others, then the future will be bright and heroes will have all the time in the world just like Hawks wanted at the very beginning of his story.

There’s this really beautiful double page spread (teased in one of Vol. 31′s extras) of the civilians offering their umbrellas to the kids.  Kirishima’s crying happy tears, Kota and Mineta are running up to Deku, the All Might Shirt dude is offering Deku his umbrella, Kaminari is smacking Bakugo over the head 😂, Iida’s holding Deku’s hand to guide him, and INKO FINALLY GETS TO BE WITH HER SON THANK THE LORD 💚😭 

Shoto 💙 Our resident pretty boy is looking at this scene and ultimately decides that he and Endeavor are going to stop Dabi together.  He decided this before back in the hospital, but I think his decision is more final here.  I really need him to properly reunite with Deku though and I’m sure they have A LOT to talk about.

AND WE FINALLY GET TO PROPERLY SEE AIZAWA AFTER GOD KNOWS HOW LONG AND HE’S SO HANDSOME 🖤 MY MAN IS LOOKING GOOD WITH AN EYEPATCH?!?  And he does have a prosthetic robot leg and apparently Mirko does too.  God, he looks so tired, but he’s so proud of his kids Imma cry again 😭

Anyway, it’s looks like he’s still recovering from the war in the hospital and apparently also there to help with the whole Kurogiri situation, who’s been transferred to a research lab.  It seems like Aizawa’s trying to bring back Shirakumo somehow.  If they do, I wonder if Shirakumo will even still be alive.  We can assume that he might still be alive since he did tell the Heroes about the hospital, but it’s uncertain.  It would be nice to have that sweet soul back 🌤

Also, the Heroes are aware that Himiko Toga’s still out there and they’re taking extra persuasions to make sure she isn’t one of the refugees.  They also know her limits too, so that’s good.

The last panel is of All Might standing outside of UA, but his back is turned against them.  He has this uncertain look on his face too.  I honestly can’t read it for the life of me.  I gotta wonder why he isn’t walking in there now that everything seems to be ok.  Maybe he doesn’t want to accidentally cause more problems?  The public did start to hate him with the whole “I Am Not Here” sign on his statue in Kamino...  Deku does need him though.  Ugh, I’m so worried for this man.

And I do have a theory.  It’s a long shot and a dark one: What if Toga found Stain while running off and they teamed up together.  Then Stain found and took All Might captive and Toga took some of All Might’s blood to transform into him and now she’s the one outside of UA.  I can’t say if All Might is dead or not.  I really, really, REALLY, don’t want him to be dead.  Stain says that All Might is the only one truly worthy of being a Hero, so I doubt he would actively kill All Might.  But, god there’s so many death flags surrounding this man.  I don’t even know if he’s going to make it through the entire series tbh.

The end chapter teaser says “The rain continues on...” so I doubt this pain is over.  We have a bit of a calm, but I am so anticipating the next storm.

Me waiting for even more pain:     

[vanserraseris]

END OF PART VIII - Sorry everyone, this part is a little short and a little boring lol. It’s just some more Lucien and Eris stuff. Thanks to everyone for reading and I hope you enjoy!!!

its not boring!!! i love them!!!

Prince of Ashes. Part VIII.

masterlist.

“Your footwork is absolutely shit,” Eris heard Maddox say. Even though Maddox sounded angry, he almost rarely was, but the permanent scowl that always graced his features made him look the part as well.

“Your footwork is absolutely shit,” Lucien echoed, more high-pitched and sort of nasally.

Eris heard Lucien yelp as he walked to the large, open space they all used for training. Lucien was in the middle of the fighting ring, a sword hanging loosely from his one hand as he used the other to rub his forehead. “What the hells was that for?”

Maddox smiled, barely a flash of his white teeth, “It slipped.”

“Not a very good teacher, are you, Maddox?” Eris looked to the apple core that was still sort of rolling away from Lucien.

Maddox shrugged from where he was leaning up against the raised training ring, “Can’t be good at everything.”

“Eris,” Lucien looked at his eldest brother, his forehead red from all the rubbing or red because Maddox had put a little too much strength into throwing that apple core at him, “Tell him to stop throwing fruit at me.” He said it in a way that made Eris think that Maddox did it quite often.

Maddox merely rolled his brown eyes, “Eris, tell him to pay attention to his lessons so father doesn’t beat him for being useless.”

Eris sighed, “Lucien, listen to Maddox and pay more attention to your tutors.” Lucien sputtered, probably trying to find something sarcastic to say, but Eris raised a hand, “And Maddox.” Maddox raised his brows, still not scowling, just waiting for Eris to scold him. Eris wasn’t very good at scolding, Maddox so he just settled for, “Don’t throw fruit at Lucien.”

“He’s lucky we don’t live in the Day Court,” Maddox grumbled, “I’d be throwing watermelons at him instead.” Eris would have laughed if he were in a better mood. He’d spent the better half of the morning with Cato, torturing some criminal his father insisted was causing upheaval among the lesser faeries of Autumn, and he was feeling like absolute shit.

Lucien frowned when he looked at Eris, his brows furrowing in concern. “You alright, Eris?”

Eris couldn’t help but wonder what Lucien had seen on his face to warrant that question, “I’m fine,” he lied. Even to his own ears, that sounded a little flat and emotionless.

“Didn’t know you’d be coming over today.” The words were a little bitter coming from Maddox. Eris understood why, no one really bothered telling the younger brothers what was going on in The Forest House.

Being the middle child, Maddox never really listened to their father and never really fought to be High Lord, but he still liked knowing what was happening. Eris guessed that perhaps he was annoyed at Owain a little as well. Owain and Maddox were close, Owain leading the Royal Guard and Maddox having been at his side as soon as he was able. Eris supposed he would have been bitter, too, if no one was telling him anything important.

“Father had some things for me to do,” Eris replied, deciding that he wasn’t going to give Maddox any details of what he’d been doing with Lucien around. Maddox’s eyes flicked down to Eris’s hands before he turned away from him to look at Lucien again. Eris hoped there was no blood left under his fingernails. He felt as though he’d washed his hands a hundred times, but the smell still hadn’t gone away entirely.

“Better for us,” Lucien said with a smile, “It’s been a millennia since I’ve seen you.” In truth, it had been almost a year since Eris had last seen Lucien.

“Well,” Maddox said, pushing himself away from the ring, “If you’re staying, I’m leaving.”

“Where are you going?” Eris asked, more from curiosity than concern. Maddox could take care of himself.

“To find Owain, and if I can’t find him, I’ll go to Priam.” He flashed Eris a lupine grin, “Try to teach the little runt a thing or two, great eldest brother, perhaps he’ll be able to learn something from the best of us.” Before Eris could respond, Maddox had winnowed from the training area, the smell of roasting chestnuts left in his wake. Eris frowned, he wasn’t particularly happy about being mocked.

Maddox and Eris weren’t necessarily close, but Maddox was too young to ever really fight his way to the throne. If he’d managed to kill Owain and Cato, killing Eris might have proven very difficult. Little did Maddox know that Eris wouldn’t have lifted a finger against him. Eris didn’t know if he could live the rest of his life knowing that he’d caused his mother the grief of losing a child.

If his father knew how easily he’d give up if one of his brothers truly wanted him dead, Beron might have killed Eris himself.

“I challenge you, Eris Vanserra,” Lucien said in a loud, clear voice from his place in the training ring. - Eris shook his head, not feeling up to it. “Lucien, I’m not really in the—”

“Come on, Eris, humour me,” he grabbed a second sword from the rack on the other side of the ring. “I’m challenging you.”

Eris sighed, taking off his very expensive jacket and throwing it on the floor. It would probably wrinkle, but he didn’t want to risk it getting ripped. Lifting himself into the ring, Eris muttered, “Fine, I accept your challenge, Lucien Vanserra.” He was feeling a little horrible for having avoided Lucien for so long.

After Eris had rolled up his shirtsleeves and tied his hair back, Lucien handed him the sword, “I’m sure I’ll be able to beat you this time, I’ve gotten a million times better.”

The smile on his face was a little contagious. Eris took the sword, raising an auburn brow, “Have you now?”

“And I’m sure you’ve gotten rusty, spending all that time behind a desk,” Lucien flashed him a wide smile, “You know, doing father’s paperwork.”

Eris huffed a small laugh, if only Lucien knew what Eris had been doing for Beron lately. Eris tossed his sword from one hand to the other, “You shouldn’t underestimate your opponents.”

Lucien hummed his response before getting into the ring and raising his sword so that the tip was pointing at Eris, “Prepare to lose, brother.” He'd gotten quite tall, Eris noticed, probably as tall as Rufus.

Eris shook his head, kicking Maddox’s apple core off the ring, “I hope you know, fox, that I won’t be holding back.”

“Neither will I.”

Before Eris could get into his fighting stance, Lucien had lunged at him, a blur of red hair and brown fighting leathers. Eris lifted his sword, meeting the blow that had been aiming for his legs. He cocked his head to the side, raising an auburn brow, “Is that the best you could do?”

Lucien shook his head, “You haven’t seen anything yet, Eris.” He drew back his weapon and rushed at Eris once more, his attack deliberate and from many angles.

Lucien’s footwork seemed just fine, Eris noticed, and had to wonder whether Lucien was just being a bit of a nuisance to get a reaction out of Maddox that wasn’t a scowl. Given that Maddox had been ordered to make Lucien’s life miserable, Maddox had taken to just sort of bothering their youngest brother. The same couldn’t be said for the others, but Lucien had assured him more than once that he was fine.

Eris was actually quite impressed with how well Lucien was fighting. He’d been handling a sword for years, starting with a real weapon as the rest of his brothers had, but Eris still saw him as small and clumsy.

They went back and forth for some time, and when Eris tired of it, he disarmed Lucien efficiently. His sword clattering to the ground on the other side of the ring, Lucien raised his hands in defeat.

Eris grinned, “You should be less confident, fox, arrogance does not become you.”

Lucien rolled his eyes, “You think it becomes you?”

“Yes, yes I think it does,” Eris was still smiling, “You accept defeat, Lucien Vanserra?”

Lucien returned the smile, but there was mischief blazing in his russett eyes, “Never.”

Eris frowned, “What do you mean—”

Eris gasped as he felt someone grab the back of his shirt and pull. Before he realized what was going on, Lucien kicked out his foot and knocked the sword from Eris’s hand. Eris fell on his ass with an inelegant “oof” as the person behind him pulled down on his collar.

“I have a feeling arrogance is not becoming on anyone,” drawled Rufus from behind him, pressing a small knife to Eris’s neck.

Eris definitely should have been paying more attention to his surroundings. “Fucking cheaters,” Eris mumbled.

Lucien stood over him, grin wide, “You accept defeat, Eris Vanserra?”

Eris threw his hands up, palms out. “Yes, fine, I accept, you win.”

Lucien laughed, dropping down to sit next to Eris. He had just turned sixteen and he was still growing into his bones. Much too gangly and tall to be useful at much else other than one-on-one combat.

Eris was glad, Owain, who had been big and muscular for most of his life, had been sent to a war camp at seventeen. Rufus dropped down on Eris’s other side, his shoulder-length red hair tucked behind his pointed ears. All of the small hoop earrings going up the arch of his ear glittered in the light of the training ring. “You’re becoming cocky in your old age, brother, I think me and fox have taught you an important lesson.”

Eris snorted, “What was the lesson, exactly?”

Lucien looked at Rufus, “Yes, Rufus, what was the lesson?”

Rufus made a face, “Not sure yet, but there’s bound to be something he’s learned.” Lucien laughed, Rufus laughing with him after a moment, and even Eris smiled. Rufus knocked Eris’s shoulder with his own, “Did Widge show you what he’s been working on?”

Eris nodded. Widge had come to him earlier that week, running into the sitting room of Eris’s cottage, his copper hair a mess and ink stains on his face. The last time Eris had seen him like that, he had discovered a way to get fire to stay aflame on water. He’d had a mad sort of sparkle in his eye as he’d thrown a large scroll onto Eris’s lap, shoving Micah aside as he sat down between him and Eris to show them what he’d done. “He’s brilliant.”

“What did he do?” Lucien asked.

Eris turned to face him, “Found a way to make a shield out of flames that might protect an entire legion. Only problem is, he’s made all his calculations using our magic,” he waved a hand at Rufus.

“Which means that he’s got to convince three Vanserras to test his theory, or convince 30 soldiers with average magical abilities instead, I suppose.”

“I could try,” Lucien offered.

He could, but Eris wasn’t sure if he wanted to find out what would happen if Lucien tested the limits of his magic. And he also wasn’t as strong enough as the rest of them when it came to his flames. Eris wasn’t entirely certain that asking Lady Morai to suppress Lucien’s magic hadn’t affected the flames he’d gotten from their mother as well.

“We’ll see,” Eris mumbled.

“That means no,” Rufus said, reaching past Eris to ruffle Lucien’s hair.

Lucien swatted away his arm, “I’m challenging you, Rufus Vanserra.”

Rufus sighed, but stood up. “Not this again, you never win.”

As Eris watched Lucien and Rufus, he decided that he had learned something. He’d learned that Beron was a fool for trying to pit them against each other when clearly they could have been a force all of Prythian would have feared had he pushed them closer together.

[xparadisexlostx]

So Idk what possessed me to write this. I wrote it all in one go and it is in desperate need of a proof read and probably and edit... but I doubt I’ll ever do that lol. I’m tired and I’m getting a headache and I still have drafts to work on, so I’m just gonna post it before I lose confidence and hide it like the many, many other drabbles I’ve never posted.

I don’t know why I wanted to write this in first person. That usually annoys me, but for some reason it just sounded right in this case.

So this drabble is primarily about Beck and Cora, how they meet, and the relationship they have. Obviously I did a LOT, if not too much, condensing because otherwise this never would have ended. 

For context, Cora is Beck’s sort of adopted mom. She his a centuries old witch who was possessed, years ago by a spirit of hospitality. Over time the two merged into one being and that is why she’s pretty much immortal. Because of what she was she was made an outcast by her own people, the clan of the Grey Owls. Here is her face claim. 

_____________________________________________

A long life makes you accustomed to loss. You learn people are better at a distance. Far enough away that you can’t really make out their faces, and their voices turn to echoes by the time they’re in your ears. Any closer than that and you risk the pain that comes with a proper meeting. I found that out the hard way when Hattie passed. 

It was agonizingly slow. At first she just needed a bit of help with getting up after a long day in the garden. And then she couldn’t go as far on our evening walks. Eventually she couldn’t make it out to tend the flowers that she loved so dearly, and she forgot the names of the dairy goats we’d raised by hand and bottle. And when I saw Death come peacefully across the border of the Living Dream, shimmering in the late afternoon sunlight and invisible to my love, I lifted her up in my arms and carried her out to the fields of flowers. She didn’t remember my name, but she held me close to her with what dwindling strength remained in her arms, and laid her head on my heart while I whispered a silent goodbye.

We had never had any children. Back then we only escaped the scandal of being together by living on my family’s land and growing or making most of what we needed. People in the towns whispered, but they let us be so long as we didn’t make too much noise. That wouldn’t have been any life for a child. Children need community, friends, and more love than just two mothers could bring them. The mortals would have never accepted a child of ours, and the witches had cast me out years before on account of what I was---what I am.

I buried Hattie in the flowerbed, and I left my home after that. The place I had been made, where I had settled for three centuries, had nothing to give me but pain. Even England reminded me all too much of what I had lost. I was alone, and I imagined that somewhere else I could find a place where I was content with that once again.

And I did. In a cottage deep in the Sierra Nevada mountains, I found the peace that had evaded me for so long. People stopped by in the occasional way: lost travelers, rapscallion youths, the occasional farmer looking for good dairy stock. That was the way for well over a hundred years. It wasn’t until the storm of ‘01 that it all changed, that I noticed the pie I was cooling on the windowsill was gone, and there was only a small muddy handprint in its place.

In the afterglow of a lightning strike I saw him there. A great, hulking bear, tall as the horizon, pale as a fresh pressed bedsheet, illuminated against the black sky. On his head were horns made of trees, and his claws were gnarled roots. On his back he carried a forest with a heart-tree that glowed gold. My brother, older than me by millenia, scarcely seen but ever familiar, always present. He looked from me to the barn, and stared, transfixed, by whatever he saw, and then he was gone.

I pulled on a raincoat and stepped into my boots, and raced across the yard to the shelter of the barn. The goats stirred in their pen, and the chickens let out a low squawk of protest as the building flooded with light. I found my pie in the back stall and a trail of blueberry pawprints leading away from it and into a pile of hay, where I found a small, trembling kit, little enough to fit in my one hand.

She shook like a leaf, whining up a terrible storm, as I tucked her beneath my coat and took her into the house. The promise of a proper meal convinced her to turn back into the girl I already knew she was, but she still shook so hard that she lost half of every bite she tried to take. I might have scolded anyone else for stealing, but she was so slight, too small and slender for a girl her age, and she was covered in mud and briars and sticks that matted in her golden hair. And when I put her in the tub to scrub her clean I saw the bruises and the cuts that no branch had inflicted. 

Looking back on that night I never had the chance to hold her at arm’s length. From the moment I plucked her out of the hay and pressed her to my heart, she was mine. I couldn’t keep her. The Fox Bitch wouldn’t allow it. And no one would listen to me when I told them of the heinous crimes Elea Tandy was committing against her own kin. No one cared when I complained of the local coven teachers casting her out. 

I made myself content with what I could have, and I taught her what an old witch could when she escaped that awful house and made her way through the forest to me. I showed her how to sew up a skirt as well as a wound, and taught her what the woods had to offer when her mother denied her supper. When she couldn’t read my spellbooks I taught her songs and rhythms to help her remember words and order. How to milk a goat, how to shear a sheep, how to tie a good and proper knot, and how to cook anything you found or caught. Our time together didn’t always last long, and when she left I felt it like a stab to the heart, but she was mine. The baby Hattie and I never got to have, filled with more kindness and curiosity and life than anyone else I had ever met.

And I ought to have known by the sight of my Brother what she was, and that she could not belong to me, or to anyone forever, but it wasn’t until months later, when I saw him again, watching her ride through the woods with a wild abandon, that I understood. 

Feral. A term that makes every parent clutch her pearls and shiver in fear, even though they barely know what it means. Feral witches are born to leave. They are only a brief bridge between the Dream Realm and the physical, destined to merge once more with the Nature Spirit from which they came. 

She was not mine to keep, but I held on.

I held on in agony as she ran off, desperate for freedom and adventure and a respite from the violence of her home. I smothered her in loving arms every time she came back. But she came back less and less. It was too dangerous, and every time she risked us both. I told her I didn’t care, and that I wasn’t afraid of Elea Tandy… but I knew that she was.

She was right to be.

Even I had never imagined Elea could be so vile and twisted as to kill a familiar. And to make a child watch… It turns my gut even to think of it now. I thought it would be the death of her, and it likely would have been if her brother hadn’t turned on their mother himself. He tried to bring her back to life, and so did I. But there was nothing but fathomless despair behind those blue eyes. I finally had her safe beneath my roof, and she was dying in my arms just like Hattie had. No amount of love could ever replace what she had lost when Dawnbreaker had been hanged before her eyes.

After ages of lifelessness, she eventually became restless in her grief, and I imagined I was witnessing her end. I put her in my car and drove her as deep into the wilderness as I could, and when I wrapped my arms around her I said that same silent goodbye. I barely made it home before my own sorrow and anger threatened to drown me. She was too young, I thought, and how unfair it was that she should die having tasted so little happiness, having felt so few kind touches. Brother would care for her upon her return, but why had he ever allowed her to come from the womb of that wretched woman? I had gifted her all the love that I could, and it didn’t feel like nearly enough in the face of all the pain she had been put through.

I hated him for that. Perhaps I still do.

I left California the same way I left England, distraught, and purchased new land on the secluded shores of Lake Erie. I told no one where I went, and no one would have ever asked. 

When I saw the golden horse upon my lawn some years later I thought it was a reflection in the Living Dream, a spirit of what once was lingering, but the girl upon its back was no longer a child. Even at a distance, even after all those years, I knew her face, and when she ran into my arms I held her tighter than I ever had before. 

She was alive and more vibrant than I’d ever seen her---all golden curls and smiles and a wild glint in her eye. We rode horses on the shoreline and sang foolish songs around a campfire. She told me stories of where she had been and everything she’d seen as she wove crowns from wildflowers. The next evening she showed me the scars where the mountain lion had nearly ripped her life away, and then demonstrated her new form with such ease that I felt my knees go weak. Even at such a young age the power swelled around her.

Feral. The very thing that had made other witches reject her had allowed her to thrive. In the wilds she had found the peace and happiness that others had so cruelly robbed her of. And I felt a pride blossom in me that I’d never felt before.

She left me again, as I knew she would, as was her nature, but this time I didn’t feel grief. For as long as she was on this Earth, she would return to me. That much I was certain. And that much has always been proven true.

Now, without the fear of her mother’s viciousness, she comes to me more frequently, and she can linger in my house as long as her wild spirit will allow. Our time together isn’t so rare… and yet I know that it is still brief. 

Each visit I see the spirit grow within her, each year the magic grows stronger. It pulls in more animals, and it bends nature around her without her even noticing it. 

She doesn’t see my Brother when she is sitting upon her golden stallion, basking in the sun as it cuts through the forest branches, but I think she feels him. As the animals gather all around her and play like newborn lambs, as she feels the embrace of the woods around her, I think she feels him watching. Her eyes glisten and she smiles with a fondness that breaks my heart. I think that if she just takes one step she will be lost to me forever.

I call her name when she raises her hand to touch what she cannot see, and with the slowness of a drunkard she blinks her eyes. When she looks back at me in those moments I know she can see across the centuries. She knows what I am. 

Again I call her name. It’s selfish, maybe, to want to hold onto her. Perhaps I do nothing but hold her back. But she smiles at me, and the mist evaporates from her eyes to reveal that mischievous sparkle.

“Come away from there, girl.” I say, beaconing her back toward the house with a wave of my hand and I watch my Brother’s eyes with unbecoming smugness as she presses her golden stallion forward and exclaims “‘Race ya!’” as she charges back home.

[bittersweetbiscotti]

Some Guardian Stuff

Icarus, Awoken Warlock

Icarus is Reefborn. She died on Earth during a special mission from the Queen at some undetermined point before the Reef Wars.

Her extreme, passionate personality is due to her innate Solar abilities and also the violent way she had died. 

Her animal affiliation is the fox because foxes are often associated with fire in various folklore around the world. Her signature weapon is the Two-Tailed Fox double-rocket launcher and her Ghost’s name is Fox for his bright orange shell.

Ikora gave her the name “Icarus” due to her solar powers and habit of destroying herself along with her enemies. 

Icarus was reborn as a Guardian six years ago and was stationed on the Moon for most of that time.

Her only claim to fame is killing the Vex Gate Lord which gave other Guardians access to the Black Garden and put her on Uldren’s permanent shit list. 

This only happened because she was specifically tasked by the Vanguard to be their emissary to the Reef. They actually got pissed at her for killing the Gate Lord instead of relaying the information for more experienced Guardians to handle.

Okay, but wiping that smirk off of Uldren’s face made it soooo worth it.

After certain undisclosed events at the Dreaming City which killed Uldren Sov, Icarus was placed on an indefinite probation on the Moon and is currently not allowed back in the Tower. She has been working under Eris Morn ever since until she was assigned to work with the Crow on hunting the Celebrant.

She does not remember what happened in the Dreaming City. All she knows is that something really bad happened and Uldren is now dead.

Icarus looks like Uldren on an almost eerie level, but her hair parts on the opposite side, like a mirror image. She and Crow are often mistaken for twins even though Icarus is Reefborn and Uldren is older than her by several thousand years.

Atara-7, EXO Titan

Atara-7 was reborn six years ago and did not speak at all due to the traumatic nature of her death.

The death of Cayde-6 made her speak for the first time. “Uldren Sov is mine”. Despite being a Titan, Atara-7 was attached to Cayde-6 for his warm and accepting nature and just being an interesting guy. Cayde-6 was the one who encouraged her to speak, so avenging his death became a very personal quest for her. 

Most other Guardians are intimidated by her because she is larger than the average EXO and doesn’t talk. Icarus and Cayde-6 were the only two who did not care for that. Years later, a trio of Hunter Kinderguardians kind of imprinted on her because they thought she was so cool.

Atara-7 seems to be drawn to people with more animated personalities.

Though Atara-7 talks more these days, her Ghost, Bubblegum, talks for her most of the time. He especially takes delight in relaying her much more blunt thoughts.

Bubblegum is named such because of his bright pink shell covered in little sharp points. Much like the bubblegum-filled-with-razor-blades urban legend.

Atara-7 once greatly admired Zavala, and his standards for Guardians gave her a sense of purpose. After Cayde-6′s death, she isn’t sure where her trust in the Vanguard stands anymore as Zavala’s lack of action goes against her own ideology. This rift is further created after she starts using Stasis against the Vanguard’s orders.

Atara-7 never takes off her helmet which only adds to her intimidation factor. She feels there’s no reason to take it off when she’s only in the Tower for five minutes at a time.

She met Icarus on the Moon when the Warlock saved her from a Wizard. No matter how much Atara-7 tried to ignore her after that, Icarus just kept following her. 

Though her lack of speaking, aloof nature, and massive frame makes her terrifying, Atara-7 is actually a kind person, level-headed, and a natural patient leader. She has a lot of affection for Icarus in particular.

It is because of this affection that Atara-7 is determined to never let Icarus know what really happened in the Dreaming City, and let the Warlock continue on in blissful ignorance.

Atara-7 was going to kill Uldren, but in the end, she couldn’t bring herself to do it. 

Lyko, Awoken-Hybrid Hunter

The Young Wolf

This is a title reserved for the apprentice of Lord Saladin who will one day take his place (as the old Iron Lord harbors no reliance on immortality). After the events of the SIVA Crisis, Saladin made this title official to the rest of the Vanguard.

As the Young Wolf, Lyko’s job is to lead raid teams and train Guardians in the Iron Banner. 

Lyko was extremely feral when she was reborn sometime after the Late City Age. She attacked Lord Saladin on sight when he wandered too close to her territory, not knowing what a Guardian is despite her Ghost’s desperate attempts to get her to listen. 

Though Saladin defended himself easily enough, he saw potential in her. And she also reminded him of a feral cub who has lost her pack. This sympathy made him take her in as his apprentice when he gets the idea to start reforming the Iron Lords. They have a grumpy-uncle-feral-niece relationship.

Lyko is half-human, half-Awoken Earthborn with Awoken dominant traits. Her skin is a pale lilac color that doesn’t possess the star shine of the Awoken.

There is no known history of who her parents were or what happened to them. There is evidence that Lyko has been on her own since she was a child. 

Lyko still possesses some of that feral nature, and is extremely shy. Her tendency to become much too quickly attached, like a puppy that follows you home, makes her even more cautious around others. 

She’s very territorial. Don’t touch her food. She will eat your face.

Because she maintains such a distance from others, the Young Wolf seem all the more mysterious. There are tons of wild rumors and tales surrounding the Young Wolf, which makes Lyko withdraw more and more because now she’s terrified of disappointing everyone if they find out who she really is.

Her Wolf helmet is unique and therefore extremely recognizable. But Lyko can’t bring herself to not wear it because it was a gift from Saladin, so she often wears a cardboard box over her helmet during her regular missions. This ridiculousness is enough to deter other Guardians away from her. 

[bitofthisandthat]

HEADCANON || ERIS [Other Pantheons.]

Originally housed on the main sidebar links for reference purposes, these headcanons/ideas were built between 2013-2015, some are based from rp interactions with other roleplayers, others are my originals. ALWAYS up for new development, these relationships are not set in stone.

NORSE

Odin, Frigg—The Royal couple that has many meetings and summits with her own Mother and Father. Eris is brought along regularly, mostly at her dismay and annoyance. At first, Eris suspected this was Zeus’s way of controlling his wayward daughter by bringing her along so that she couldn’t cause trouble back South with both Royals up North. But she later discovered it had political overtones. Odin and Zeus get along quite well on a variety of levels, as do Hera and Frigg; but Eris hates that she is the little pet they parade with them every time. For centuries, Eris avoided any bonding with the King/Queen of Aesgard, seeing Odin as the same stubborn, hard excluding parent as her Father. She looked at him with hard prejudice that he’d be unfaithful to his good Queen and harm his children as Zeus had. But their political friendship excludes private matters, and whether or not Firgg and Odin know of ALL of her family’s dirty laundry or not, she at long last respects them enough to look past it, and ignore it. She still does not trust Odin, as all authority figures/fathers, and she does not like what she sees in his clan as far as favoritism goes—but she can relate to it. However, she does look at Frigg from afar, in complete and total jealousy of this pantheon’s children. She is constantly comparing Hera to her in her mind, and is livid her Mother is not as accepting, patient, and as fair as she. Eris secretly holds her in high regard, but keeps her at arms distance, careful to not get attached to Frigg. For in her mind, if she started to admit she wishes to have her as a substitute mother, she will be utterly shattered by the disappointment that she will never have it. She does it to protect herself, and is courteous to Frigg, but also distant as if she is another face in court. Baldr—The Golden God went right under the Goddess’s radar for many centuries, as just a quiet, serious boy that everyone adored. She immediately looked away, and pegged him as yet another twin like her (and so many Godly twins). She only began to notice him as a possible threat to her Chaos, as he was her exact, polar, perfect opposite. She ignored much of him in protection of her own self as she named him to be a future enemy. He seemed to be just a stubborn, arrogant child to her most times, and was hugely put off by his invincibility. She had no knowledge of his personality, and saw him as just as he presented himself to everyone. But she still didn’t trust him, because she could detect him hiding something deep down about himself. She knew of his psychic abilities and pension for hunting, but that was all else that she knew. He never seemed to be alone, always surrounded by troves of fawners. Which is why it was a total shock to come upon him alone one day, finding her sacred Drum. They struck a binding vow that day in exchange for her Drum, and struggled for a time to feel anything but frustration and anger towards the other.

Sygn—Sygn is Eris’s good friend and alway available to share a venting session and a few cocktails when they are going through stressed times. The Goddess of Constancy and Faithfulness is a welcomed friend for Eris, she, like Baldr is incapable of disloyalty, so the Discord Goddess finds her company both soothing and valuable. They share a lot of views on romance and Pantheon politics, and both are willing to go out on a limb for the other. They respect each other’s powers and feel estranged from their former mates/other Gods and rely on each other as a stable friend.

Loki—[ Generally; all Loki’s tend to interact with Eris based on this, but are different apart from each other; as it stands I have NO main Loki. ]  Loki and Eris are either in constant heated debate or in morbid fascination of each other.There is no middle ground. They are equals on stubbornness and vanity, but at the same mention, they understand the other’s outcasted existence and rebellion. Even as Eris allows him a foot into her space, she still does not trust him fully. She will acknowledge his powers and prowess, but she holds no foolish hope that he respects her in turn. She looks at him and sees the potential for either enemy or lover, but never anything in between. She finds his need to dominate her an unforgivable offense. This is the dance between two cobras, each hooding the other, and every time it is a coin toss which one will strike first.

NATIVE INDIGENOUS & POLYNESIAN

Pele—The Goddess of Fire, Volcanoes and Queen protector of Ha’waii is both Eris’s rival and close friend. The two share the same emotional, fiery, stubborn demeanors and therefore clash. Eris cannot understand how Pele can feel remorse for what she does and is, as Eris celebrates her chaotic nature. Their similarities end as Pele is a protector, and Eris is a destroyer. They have the same allure and passion, so once and awhile the anger at the other is clouded by quick attraction and fierce seduction—but then it soon retreats into argumentative rivalry again.

Coyote–Fellow Trickster and Chaos God, Eris of course, never fully trusts a deity that has the same job as she. Pranks ensue whenever he is near, and although she is attracted to him, she keeps him at arm’s length when it comes to personal matters. If ever they engage in business together, she keeps part of her plans to herself; because out of all other trickster Gods, Coyote’s the least she feels safest with. She would trust Loki and Anansi before Coyote. Just as she’s engaged in affairs and casual lusts with other troublesome/dangerous deities, she has learned to never let herself fall for them, (as she knows her own kin too well) and at best, stays far from him unless they have same goals in an endeavor.

White Buffalo Mother–The peace-keeper and wise all-mother shows herself as an elderly woman to Eris, not a young maiden or mother. It is a face of authority and everlasting truth, and one that shrinks the Chaos Goddess into the mindset of scolded child. She keeps far from her once she is detected, but at the same time wishes to confide in her. The mixed emotions of unease and need to be comforted is a confusing friction to the Discord of her soul. It’s easier to avoid her altogether. But she is a powerful authority that will silence Eris and send her away upon appearing.

SHINTO & TAOIST & BUDDAHIST

Susanowa— God of Storms, oceans, mayhem and snakes, considered a “Dark” God among his pantheon. He was a war general of the Gods, that caused grief for his Sister, The Goddess of Light and Purity. He is often put in his place for his actions. He was the past love of Eris that duped her into falling for him deeply, that ended with dire consequences when a Kitsune (fox spirit) warned her it was just a joke, a wager he won with an unnamed Egyptian God. (probably Set) The bet was to see who could get the vain, reckless Goddess to kneel in love and admit weakness. The humiliation has made her vow to ruin him at any chance she gets. Quan Yin— [past] The Goddess of Compassion, Divine Healing and Grace first came to Eris’s aid in long ancient past— as the Greek deity of Discord, Chaos, and Strife was on the run from Yama’s forces for a task that went sour. (Planned of course, but she had to leave his territory to escape prosecution) The Kind Goddess disguised herself as a wretched looking, blind old woman and spirited her safely away, for no other reason that she saw Eris’s path and pain, and sympathized with her. She confused the Goddess, and at the time The Goddess’s opposing force energy caused enough interference in the space between them that Eris did not detect this old woman was in guise. Eris was as well, but as she escaped, years later, she had various encounters with the Goddess, offering her hope, but Eris rejected all of it. She suspects everyone, and can not understand Quan Yin’s drive to aide her. But the Love Goddess will continue to offer her care.

EGYPTIAN

Set—Not her favorite of the Pantheon, currently. She was allied to him in the past, but since the events with Susanowa, she is cold to him. Although she has minimal details, she is not shy from hating him as well. Set perhaps did not have 100% involvement as she likes to think, (her own sanity’s sake) but he does not correct her either. Ammit—The heart-eater of wicked souls is as sadistic, selfish, and cruel as Eris, the two are still getting to know one another better, sniffing the other dangerous Goddess out, but there is definite intrigue between them, both cautious but charmed by the other Goddess, aroused and angered at the same time.

Sekhmet & the war Gods– Obviously the Gods Eris, Enyo, Ares, and his sons (and their other war God brethren) go to as the nearest pantheon to converge. Eris has always had a suspicious feel toward the Lion Goddess, stemmed from the jealousy she feels when she sees her interact with her twin brother. Apart, she gets along famously, but the minute Ares steps into Sekhmet’s company it is one of the few times she sees him focus away from her, and on the other war deity. Naturally…Eris causes trouble and goes to her sons to “play” to even the score. And…fighting ensues, as expected. Osiris– Eris developed a lustful fascination with the king long ago, perhaps her own projection from Zeus onto him. But Osiris’s fair nature popped her fantasy of ‘ruining him’ as a means to envision what she would do to Zeus. Twisted, yes, but he allowed her advances and childish tantrums, as well as encouraged her seductions, but remained at arm’s length, never fully submitting or falling for her traps. He has, however tried to act kind and give her soft council, being gentle with her as a good parent would, and this only sends Eris into a fit, screaming and flaying against him, running off for ruining her twisted plan. Still, he sees her as unfortunate and knows why she does what she does, and feels sorry for her.

HINDU

Kali—Another divine Mother of destruction and Chaos, when Kali is in her most crazed form, she is her greatest ally. When she returns to Pavarti or Durga, she is unwilling to give Eris any assistance. She will offer compassion to her, but nothing else. The Mother trinity has one thing in common; all parts of Kali mourn Eris’s motherhood with her, and work with her to find some manner around it. Hanuman—The Monkey God is at her side in constant game and guidance, trying to win her heart over to the understanding Struggle can also be won in the end by Compassion. But, Eris refuses his advice. She acknowledges that they are two separate Gods of Struggle, and her particular being is meant to be the essence of Strife, and not the aftermath of wisdom that comes from it. She acknowledges it, but He does his best to win her in humor and game. She tolerates his company, and understands respects the outcome of HIS deity-ship, but feels he is so proselytizing that he in turn disrespects what SHE is. He is constantly misunderstanding her. They are ironically, at constant struggle with one another. But that doesn’t stop them from mountain top card games and other intelligent leisurely gaming.

LOA & VOODOO

There is a rivaled long standing game, friendly and dark—and only Eris is willing to play the high stakes that the Loa demand. They are caught between admiring each other’s powers and influence, and competing for souls and who has the prime influence over the old ways. Eris is drawn to this Pantheon, since there is no hypocrisy among them. Dark or Light, they are what they are—kill, be killed, sacrifice, or honor it…and everyone knows it. They are a breath of ‘fresh air’ to Eris, reminding her of her own cults back in the ‘Golden Era’ when the ancients where not afraid to do certain things to bargain with their Gods. The Divinity of the women Goddesses in this Pantheon speaks to her, and the horror of the male Gods excites her. There are constant games between them all, bloody, chaotic, spiritual. and there are no lies. Pure, darkness and light and nothing in between. Other Pantheons may shirk at this Pantheon, but Eris welcomes it, and other misunderstood surreal Pantheons in its like.

AFRIKANS

Anansi–Fellow clever assassin and wise trickster, Eris has many past encounters with the spider-God, and works with him over and over. He is another friend she engages in global trouble making with, and out of all the trickster/chaos Gods, he is one of the only ones that she trusts enough to call a true friend. They find humor in one another, ribbing the other constantly and taking turns pranking the other. However, they never cross the line into true harm, a silent promise they both made eons ago. If one ever crosses the line, they both understand the alliance is over. Oshun–Goddess of love, sexuality, water, and healing, someone Eris has crossed on more than one occasion for her own means. The Goddess sees through all of Eris’s lies and Discord, and will argue her into a draw. Eris knows she is her opposition (from this Pantheon the same as other love Goddesses/Gods) But Oshun is one of the few of her opposing energies she will seek out and argue for advice. She knows she will be clean and concise, there will be no sugar coating or subterfuge, Oshun will tell her exactly what she wants/needs to know. And although Eris’s nature is to distrust/despise Love deities, Oshun is one love deity where Eris’s anger is only a disguise to get close enough to unload her woes and seek consolation. Oshun knows this, but plays the game for the Greek’s sake. (understanding the pride of all Goddesses)

AZTEC, INCA, MAYAN

Obviously the more bloodthirsty “honest” War God/desses here are perfect for Eris to do business with. Blood and war are daily acceptance to half the pantheon, and it is here where Eris and other Greco-Roman war Gods enjoy coming to visit. They have feasts, games, and exchanges together, Eris often coming to trade talisman, scrolls, and other mystical objects with their pantheon on a  regular basis. It is said whenever a continent is getting an influx of blood war and chaos, all the War deities from all the pantheons are convening, and Eris coming to their realm is usually the first place she goes to rally, knowing they will almost ALWAYS join her and her brother. Although they all tear up the landscape for business, when they visit they are refined, spoiled, and lazy together, speaking at length about interests and past stories, etc.

[hippyspacewitch]

This has been building up for a while and this recent “bible” argument really bothers me. I can’t and won’t stay quiet about this. This is pungent with Fox News and the extreme Republican views. How can you not feel for people. It is genuinely upsetting and heart breaking. Those who stand on the side of coldness and disregard for life. You’re beyond despicable. There just aren’t words powerful enough to describe how much. Hypocritical. Sickening. These are words we could rightfully use to set the tone for an administration that strongly advocates putting children into concentration camps, separating families, while at the same time declaring it always necessary to follow through with every pregnancy. How cruel and lacking self awareness can you be? No, this is done in order to keep people down, and maintain control. Willful ignorance evolves into ultimate evil again.

I am not a sadness seeking person. I’m not the misery chick. Coming off a good high, actually. I’m living my life, feeling good. Aren’t I a lucky duck. Sweat is smelly, but it feels so good to get out of my skin for a bit. Looking more fit, take a pic, feeling happy. Whelp, let’s take a little trip to yon’ internet, gonna post another selfie of my cute face, look at those dimples! Wait, I’m not looking at my dimples anymore.

Looking at what’s going on in the world instead, so I continue reading NEWS, which is based on FACTS. I know. REALLY crazy to hear. Hopefully that catches on one day. Regardless, I am incredibly saddened. Only wish to repost the unpleasant articles I read, hoping it helps create awareness. It doesn’t feel like an appropriate time for sharing pleasantries or my happiness, because I’m truly very upset with the direction this current regime is leading our nation.

We weren’t too far from that standard already, but snowflakes are pushing back hard, trying to double down on ending crucial necessities needed to maintain a semi-capable, albeit heavily flawed, semi-civilized society. So many people have died to protect the right just to exist with dignity, relative to that previously stated fact alone, as it pertains mainly to the elongated fight for basic human rights. People of all races and cultural backgrounds have died for that much. I’m wholeheartedly dissatisfied and sickened by the actions of not just the notorious current administration, but the White House too, along with those who see the overall standard of humanity that so many people hold, as anything short of unacceptable. If you accept this, you should feel ashamed. I can’t say that enough, if you don’t hear your momma’s voice. If you continue to follow me, I’ll make sure you hear my voice enough.

I’ll make you feel something, whether you just stop reading because you can’t handle the truth, or if you’re feeling froggy, ready to speak against me, (I’ll weed y’all out.) or hey, you evolve at least far enough to want to see the world be better someday. (Work toward the latter.)

Therefore I am strongly urging and pleading with COGNITIVELY DISSONANT WHITE PEOPLE out there. It is long past time you MAKE A CHANGE, concerning the way you think about racism and race. SPECIFICALLY ADDRESSING people of PRIVILEGE here, anyone born into the Christian faith, not specific enough, here - WHITE PEOPLE! Yes, I am one, and I even fit all that above criteria. Well look at that. I can speak for myself and therefore others like me. Coming from a place where I was misdiagnosed AMAB (that’s assigned male at birth) I can absolutely say it is EASY for me to recognize the first 27 years of my life I was living with the highest standard of privilege in the United States. I still live with privilege as a white person, even as a transgender woman.

Anyone who knows me well enough, might say, “Well, Eris you’ve described what it’s like to live in an impoverished area, with high levels of crime, gang violence, and from what you tell me, you had reason to be afraid. That doesn’t sound like privilege” To which I would respond to myself as someone else, for the purposes of making a point in this hypothetical scenario that fits my point in the end, “Self that isn’t myself, because I’m not an idiot. We see comment sections for days, with white people fired up, wanting so bad to let the world know from their brand new iPhone, they experienced some semblance of living within poverty. White people essentially bragging about having a cup of coffee in the ghetto. It’s either that, or meth head white people living in a meth head white people neighborhood. Fox News’ most loyal demographic. White people who take unemployment, have tons of babies, vote Republican, damn liberals out there who are fighting to keep them off the street, with extremely limited resources given. Some viewers don’t know the definition of ironic, but isn’t it ironic? Ignorance isn’t at all self aware, until you spell it out for them slowly, and then there’s a chance they briefly acknowledge it before turning away, and forgetting it happened entirely. That said we must strive to look further than our individual experience for lessons.”

I heard that hot garbage living in Washington. Surrounded by meth heads. Working at the gas station, you here people talk. False arguments straight from hypocritical, entitled white people who are just looking to close the gap and get even more. So many of them are far too shameless, they’ll just admit it themselves. Who else are they going to tell? I can’t make this up. People who think like this are naturally afraid, as you should be. Fear clouds our minds far too often, but white people like this are next level.

Pissed off they have to share, like an overgrown petulant brat, ready to lick whatever unseen, promised hints of scum off a criminal inheritors shitty ass boot, as long as they feel like that boot isn’t treading on them. I’m not at all going to even get into my experience living in a bad neighborhood, here. I won’t even get into how long either. I can tell you, it was bad enough for me to want to know why. Now, I know why, and it’s more important to know. Privilege white politicians redistricting people based on race.

If you’re at all uncomfortable hearing white people, think how other people must be feeling about the whole sociology of race and everyday human relations. Oh I’m sorry, you can’t know, and neither can I. White people contribute to poverty maintaining class and privilege, institutionalizing racism through laws they create with that specific intention. Now they want to shut immigrants out entirely. The rich are a head of the curve in terms of closing the gap. Not out of strictly self preservation, the real goal is to maintain constant control and domination, basically keep people of color down.

This is barely getting close to just scratching the surface about race. A subject, I actually don’t like speaking a whole lot about. I don’t feel like I’m appropriate representation, for one thing. Personally, more of a reader on the subject. I will explain my experience learning about racism. It was fairly early on. I didn’t learn it, because of the area I lived in. The area I lived in was small, bad areas are small or larger depending on the states race issues and redistricting. I learned it before I moved there actually. There’s no way to put this without causing discomfort, so I apologize.

My biological donor called my former step dad the n word constantly. I actually asked him about it. I was very young, so I only remember my stepdad at the time, explaining certain things in a very delicate way, mostly to not harm my innocence. Saying he doesn’t actually feel like he’s a racist, that he’s just mad. It was hard on my mom and step dad to struggle with not wanting to shatter the image of my biological father, versus him basically doing it to himself. Being an empath, I recognized it was difficult, eventually I was calling them out on it. That doesn’t really have much to do with where I’m going, it’s just a bit of background to my mind altering experience as it pertains to learning about race.

Once I was older, around fifth or sixth grade, a few people would target me at school, because I’m white. It wasn’t until we got older, for the last couple years before I moved. I used to just be frustrated that we couldn’t keep seeing past it. I had yet to discover why that thought is selfish, but I was a good hearted kid. I thought it wasn’t fair, remembering how I felt, as it pertains to expecting people to learn English. How many extra languages are you fluent in, again. It isn’t easy for most people to casually pick up another language.

It’s important to realize, I’d been taught discrimination is wrong. I was taught not to blame other people for my problem. Once again, more learned behavior. My whole point is coming into fruition soon. Yes, I was discriminated against for being a white person. There it is, did you catch it? You might only be able to imagine why people of color would discriminate against white people; if you watch bullshit news and drink hot garbage for tea, wake up and smell the coffee!

If you are not lacking in awareness, you don’t have to look very far to see racism for what it is, and know the difference between perceived racism (discrimination) and racism as a contributing factor in our society. A real problem that effects people of color in so many complex ways, I truly can’t comprehend. It’s hard enough being trans and dealing with people hating you, before they know you at all. That’s one instance I can peel back in a big old nasty onion with many layers. Another privilege for white people, along with ignoring it, as far I am concerned it’s absolutely willful ignorance.

Deflate this desperate flotation mechanism and aesthetics. I hope this at least brings people the shame and guilt too many people are tired of feeling and want to just move past. Check yourself white people, you have no idea what it’s like to struggle daily as a disenfranchised person of color. You might have problems, but your privilege confines your experience.

[books--andt]

A Court of Wings and Ruin by Sarah J Maas Review and Spoiler Discussion!!!

Hey everyone!! Raise your hand if you read and devoured ACOWAR and loved every stinking minute of it! *raises hand 1231434241 times*

Ahh the long awaited ACOWAR, the third and final book in this trilogy. But have no fear! SJM has announced that she will be writing more books set in this world, just not from Feyre's perspective. I CANNOT WAIT YOU GUYS.

To give some thoughts for my non spoiler readers... Sarah J Maas is a queen. Her writing is liquid gold. The way she describes courts, weather, clothing--everything was just beautiful. The character development, for not only Feyre and Rhys, but for other characters as well was through the roof and truly, honestly, makes you wish these characters were real because they FEEl real. They feel like they are your own friends and family and I ended up caring deeply for every one of them. And don't even get me started on Velaris. I WISH I LIVED THERE!

Read this book. This series. Read EVERYTHING by the queen- SARAH J MAAS!

***SPOILER TALK AHEAD***

Hey spoiler peeps! SO! Where do I even begin?? Feyre begins her story trapped yet again in the Spring court. I have to say, I really, really despised Tamlin all throughout this book. The fact that he didn't understand that he wasn't making Feyre happy, that he was trapping her, and that she left on her own FREE WILL made me so angry. It wasn't until the end of the book when I actually was like, ok, he's learned, he sort of redeemed himself. We'll get more into this later.

Once Feyre and Rhys were back together my heart grew three sizes. They are just perfect together. They spoke a lot more with their minds, being Daemati, and I thought this showed just how close the two of them are.

I freaking love Nesta. I feel like if you were to tell someone this who has only read ACOTAR they'd be pretty confused, but her character development, and Elain's too was just stunning. I love how Nesta has this tough attitude about her. She's the kind of person who would say, "you can say mean things about me. But insult my family and friends? You're dead."

And don't even get me started on her and Cassian!!!!!!!!!!! I SHIP!!!!! SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!! I was dying at the end of ACOMAF when she was being forced into that cauldron and Cassian was crawling for her, and calling her name. And then I was bawling YET AGAIN when the same thing was happening at the end of ACOWAR, when Nesta is about to kill the king of Hybern, having summoned the cauldrons powers, but is stopped short when the king breaks her fathers neck, killing him, and her powers are snuffed out. Meanwhile, Cassian is laying at her side, crawling towards her, his wings snapped and broken, telling her to leave him, to run, and she tells him that she CAN'T leave him. Oh my heart. When Nesta positioned herself in front of Cassian and he held her back, I was CERTAIN that Hybern was going to kill them and I was NOT ready. I was nearly bawling at this point. But thank the Mother!!! Elain!!!! She is exactly as SJM describes her as; a flower child, with flora in her mind and a hobby for gardening. But then she comes up behind Hybern and BOOM! Stabs him in the throat-- with the blade Azriel gave her nonetheless! This just proves how she isn't just a bystander, how she has faced trivialities, and hardships, and losses, and it has shaped her into who she is. I'm not trying to say that you need to kill someone to prove your strength, god no, but it was just SO SATISFYING when she stabbed the king and then hisses into his ear, "Don't you dare touch my sister." I DIED. And of course, Nesta gives the final twist of the blade that severs the kings head from his body. Just fulfilling that death promise that she made with her vulgar gesture before being fully submerged in the cauldron in ACMOAF. Loved it.

When Amren betrayed Feyre I was pissed, but only because I didn't understand what Amren intended to do. For a second I thought Amren was going to completely turn on her, and say she was fighting with Hybern, and had been this whole time. But then we realize that she just figured out the only way to stop him and his army is if she is transformed into her original body, the one that would make her forget who Feyre, Rhys, and the others are. It was a sad reality, but one they couldn't risk not having.

AND RHYS. OH. MY. GOD. When he died.... I think all of us readers died a little inside too. But it didn't actually hit me as hard as when I thought Cassian and Nesta were going to die. And that is simply because I didn't believe that SJM would kill Rhys off like that. She's a dreamer, and a lover, and I just couldn't accept that she would leave Feyre to live her immortal life without her mate! Where as for Cassian and Nesta... It just seemed like that could actually happen. Thank the Mother it did not!

The part that really killed me was when Feyre realizes Rhys is dead and is shouting, begging, for the other High Lords to do something to, "BRING HIM BACK." I was a blubbery mess. Until Tarquin, the youngest of the High Lords, steps forward and says to him, "For what he gave. Today and for many years before." And he is the first to give him an ounce of his power. This was so touching to me because Tarquin had sent them blood rubies, had thought them to be liars and thieves. But he then sees that it is not who they are, that they want peace just as he does. When all the other High Lords gave their powers I was really holding my hopes high, that Rhys would indeed survive. But then Tamlin... I was afraid he wouldn't give up his powers to Rhys, and poor Feyre Darling was begging him saying she would give him anything. And then my heart just broke further when he said to her, "Just be happy, Feyre." This is where he redeemed himself for me. That he FINALLY sees that Feyre is indeed happy with Rhys, as High Lady of the Night Court. And while he is still bitter about it probably, and is a real man-bitch to Lucien, I'm happy he at least accepts what Feyre desires now, and helped her to continue her happiness. I also thought it was neat to see the High lords give their powers to Rhys, gently pouring a bit of their magical light onto his bare throat. We didn't see this in ACMOAF since Feyre was dead so it was neat. But one thing that I'm questioning is just the whole process...If the seven High Lords can bring back the dead, why don't they do it all the time? I understand for a mortal they would be giving away their powers as they did to Feyre and they don't want that, but for a High Lord... Well, Rhys didn't steal any of their powers. So basically, if they can do this, the High Lords can never die and will always be able to come back to life, so long as they all agree upon it...Interesting. Unless there are some rules about this that we do not know of yet.

When Rhys awoke and Amren too was returned to them- that shocked me! I was-and still am- surprised that not a single one of the inner circle died or was sent back to where they came from. I'm not saying I wanted any of them too, but it all just seemed so... perfect to have them all end up back together. While Amren no longer has her abilities she had before, she is now High Fae and can maybe learn to train and fight as they would- if she even needs it. I also have to admit, that while I adore the little romances, I kind of prefer Amren on her own. She is just so independent and bad ass, so while I liked her with Varian, I'm not sure I want them to be mates.

AND MOR!!! Tell me that scene where she comes out to Feyre didn't kill you on the inside, splitting your heart into 1000 tiny pieces???? It all makes sense. Why she did what she did with Cassian to avoid being married to Eris, why she could never let herself be with Azriel because while it would mean close to nothing for her, as it had with previous men she'd been with, it would mean a lot to him. It just made my heart grow. And what made it grow even more was Feyre's reaction. She let Mor speak, and gave her the absolute most respect, understanding, and acceptance. I especially loved that she told Mor she wouldn't tell anyone, not even Rhys, which is SO important, because a gay or lesbian person should have the full right to declare the time and manner of when and to who they come out. I love that SJM incorporates this kind of diversity in her books. We also have Thesan, High Lord of the Dawn court who is gay and mated to his captain. Then there's Helion, High Lord of the Day court, who is bisexual. I adored these characters and loooooved learning about the courts more and meeting their High Lords. I really loved the descriptions of the Winter Court; the white foxes wearing little vests, the white bears, the long blue overcoats with white rabbit fur at the trims. And of course, Kallias and his wife Vivianne. I really adored them too.

And then we have those three beautiful monsters. The Bone Carver, the Weaver, and Bryaxis. I was SHOOK when Feyre realized that the Bone Carver was being seen to her as her and Rhys' possible future son. SHOOK I TELL YOU! And when Rhys quietly asked what he looked like and Feyre showed him with her mind... *heart breaks 1213344123 more times*

I was sad when he died, surprisingly. I was never attached to the Bone Carver but... Just when Feyre said that she wishes that he goes to wherever it is he imagined, since he was so fascinated by death, and she sent a prayer to him... That part got me.

When Stryga, the Weaver died... Well I was sad but only because she was fighting for the good side. I think that character is so fascinating and creepy and just... That scene in the Weavers cottage in ACOMAF is one I'll never forget for sure. And when Feyre goes back there in ACOWAR, luring Ianthe and that other guy with her, omg SHOOK AGAIN!! Feyre knew not to close the door, knowing well it would lock, and pinned Ianthe inside while telling the Weaver she brought her dinner. What a vicious, deserving death for Ianthe. Good riddance.

And that poor Suriel... I wonder what it's name was. Feyre is honestly like a disney princess, having all the woodland animals like her and get along with her. She was so respectful to ask for Helion's cape and lay it overtop the Suriel. I feel like it is a debt that no other Suriel will ever not know of or forget. And their father!!! When he came with those ships, three of which were named after his daughters my heart was aching. It just bound their bond a bit tighter, since well, there wasn't really a bond between the four of them at all before. It showed that he is sorry for not being the father he wished he could be, but that he loved them dearly, and was now trying to make things right. He was not away on merchant business as they had thought, but had heard of the betrayal of the mortal queens and sought to find Vassa and Drakon and Myriam who Lucien then brought to the battle. When he died... I mean, I wasn't super connected to him, nor were his three daughters I have to say, but it was indeed sad, just because he was there, fighting for them, loving them even as they were Fae.

And Jurian?? Thank goodness he was on the good side. I'd like to learn more about him as well as Drakon and Myriam. Their stories weren't the most interesting to me, but still I'd like to know more!

While this book surely closed some ties- more so with Rhys and Feyre. I am SO happy they live happily together, laying over Velaris. Although I'm sure they will be facing a little more turmoil in the books to come. What with the mortal queens never showing up to war and all.

Gawd I wonder what's in store for us next??? I'm hoping we see more from the inner circle. I want to see Mor happy with a girlfriend, to have her father either accept it or just be completely thrown out of the picture (good riddance again) and to have Azriel know so that he doesn't think anything is wrong with him. MAN I loved him in this book. He's so shy and mysterious and just... *heart eyes* I also hope he finds a lover-not that you need a lover to be happy but... you know. I kind of like him and Elain together... Anyone else?? I mean, he gave her his SWORD!!!! TRUTH TELLER!!! I know that Elain and Lucien are mates and all, but I said in my review of ACOMAF that it seemed to come out of now where, and it certainly didn't seem to click into place in this book. Elain did not accept the mating bond, nor did she make him food, and she hardly ever spoke to him. If anything, I think they could be friends. Perhaps this will be an example of how the mating bond is not always right, since it's somewhat connected to bearing the strongest offspring, but there's waaaaaay more to a relationship than that of course. Maybe Lucien will find some other lover/mate? I've heard others thoughts of him possibly being with Vassa?? I wonder if Feyre will free her of her firebird curse; Firebird by day, normal female by night.

I also want to see what happens with Nesta and Cassian. Because I SHIP IT SO HARD, MAN. I also want to see if Amren and Varian do end up together or not. It did indeed break my heart when Varian was pleading with Feyre and Amren saying no to her going into the cauldron. But still... Amren is so strong and sassy she can be a bad ass High Fae all on her own without any man.

AND UMMM Lucien is related to Helion!!!!!!!!!!! It all makes sense... He doesn't look like any of his brothers or his father, and this would explain why his fathers and brothers hate him so much. His mother had an affair with Helion, who doesn't even know that Lucien is his son!! How will this play out??? Will Lucien find out somehow? Will he be told? Will Helion discover it?? ORRRR!!!!! Will Helion die, and then boom the new High lord of the Day Court is Lucien and he didn't even know.... THAT would be a shock for him to say the very least.

Also can we talk about the glorious fan art???? It's basically exactly as I picture the Inner Circle to look. Charlie Bowater is seriously talented. Her recent work has Cassian in a man bun-- Like Guys COME ON!!! *heart eyes x 1000* I seriously need the colouring books now, both ACOTAR and ToG. I neeeeeed themmmmmm.

And speculation on an ACOTAR movie??? I mean HELL TO THE YES but the casting would need to be spot on AND it would have to be really, really true to the books. Not holding anything back just to make it suitable for all audiences. War is bloody. War is brutal. It can't be toned down. And for the sexy time scenes well... Maybe it would be sort of like an HBO show ;)

WELL. That was a long one. I love Sarah J MAAS' books. I always thought I loved Throne Of Glass so much more... but now they are pretty even. I can't wait for the next instalments, although it is going to be VERY difficult to wait all the way until 2018 for them. In the meantime... Guess I'll just be rereading them and reading up on some theories for the latter books! What are yours??? I've read some theories for connections between the ToG and ACOTAR universe and it's mind blowing guys, mind blowing.

1000/5 Stars on glorious Star Fall in Velaris. *sighs* Now on to bingeing all the ACOWAR reviews, and perhaps buying an ACOTAR universe themed candle, while I remain in what may just be my largest book hangover yet.... although EoS did give me a huge one too.

What are your thoughts on ACOWAR? I'd LOOOOOVEEE to know and talk all about it! Send me a message or reply to this chat!

As always, thanks for reading.

- T