#because i don't like how it's often written

[acid-ixx]

I’m new, I just read your fic about neglect reader. I haven’t read through your blog yet but I am so excited after reading this fic. I am an emotional wreck right now and my curiosity is eating me alive with this question “Does reader know about Jason? Will they ever met? Ever have a platonic relationship together? Will Jason be more of a brother to reader?”

I’m sorry I speed through the fic and tears are in my eyes I couldn’t think straight BUT I notice that Jason is hardly there so I’m curious. Please this is such a brain rot, it’s way past midnight after I read this cause I keep stopping to cry.

major (?) spoilers below.

reblogs and interactions are encouraged and appreciated.

hello anon !! im so happy ppl are getting more exposed to the content i have written so far. anyways, i can't believe i also got others to cry bec i did too when i was writing 😭

anyways, to answer ur question: yes! the reader will meet jason and he would actually be the first sibling you would meet after you have left the manor. the way he would turn yandere for you is a different approach to how the others would be because in the prequel, it has been stated that you had your fair share of encounters with him.

"will they ever have a platonic relationship with him/see him as a brother?" maybe, maybe not. because your meeting with him would all be a blur to you, and jason's obsession would stem from the trauma he had experienced, causing him to be more protective of you.

you're not in your best mindset and you're vulnerable walking through the streets of gotham and all alone? oh god, only a dumbass would do that— but once the red hood recognizes your face and the way you carry yourself so pitiably, he immediately tries to take you in his arms just as he should.

but the moment you push him away? tell him to fuck off despite your drunken state? the moment you cry and tell him you could deal with everything yourself without his help or anybody else's? you just remind him of himself and that triggers his first spiral into yandere-ism.

it's the way you share trauma, the way you both feel immense anger. he should've noticed sooner because you two would've been as close as peas in a pod. and yet he failed you by being a hypocrite. you were literally taken into the manor right after his death and discarded like you were mere trash. he should've taken you away when he had the opportunity to but he was too caught up in his feat of revenge.

yet the worst part was that he had taken notice of tim before he did you, and jason had momentarily hated you too because he thought bruce had replaced him. if he had looked through that veil of contempt that he had for you, and saw just how neglected and in need of attention you are, then he would've taken you under his wing.

but he didn't, and he had done the same thing to you as most did.

so take it as you will when i say you're more or less going to be closer (albeit unwillingly) to jason than anybody else because unlike his other siblings who are bound by their vigilante duties, your big brother jason wouldn't mind shooting any creeps who think they could touch his precious angel.

and he gets it, too, angel— you hate him, you hate them all and that's valid. but you can't just walk out in the streets alone and expect to be home in one piece; so leave it to him to scout your apartment alright? leave it to your big brother jason to intimidate the goons who try to stalk you when you're not looking. even if you don't want him near you, you'll always find warm food by your table and a note reminding you to take care of yourself more often.

it hurts when you rip the paper to shreds but it breaks his heart even more if you refuse to touch the meal he would leave for you, because that probably means you saw him as danger more than anything else. and he doesn't know it, but you're already planning to make a run for it now that you're under red hood's radar.

it's obvious that you have no experience when it comes to living by yourself, so please don't fucking push him away and let him protect you from any harm. your self destructive habits only causes him to become more protective of you and it only lets him stalk you more often to ensure nobody would touch his precious angel.

just like dick, you'll be treated more like a child than that of a young adult, but at least jason has the concept of personal space compared to your eldest brother. but still, jason wishes to hold you in his arms.

heaven forbid if the joker ever got his crummy fingers on you. jason would go berserk.

little does he know, little does your family know just how much they had lost the opportunity to keep you in wraps inside the manor.

they should've never let you out in the first place.

[the-ace-with-spades]

I'll never write it because it hits a bit too close home for me to write it without mental strain (I'd read it okay tho...) but I have a very specific scenario in my head so—

Bradley gets the same type of cancer his mom died from.

I imagine it's lung or pancreas cancer because I've seen those and they can be quite aggressive or progressive depending on type. In my head, Carole was in her late thirties/early forties at the latest when she got sick and I imagine it was unexpected and quick, as it often is with young cancer.

The thing is, people deal with cancer diagnosis differently in so many ways — some are in complete denial, some try to stay optimistic for their family, and some just... give up.

Bradley's seen enough cancer and death that he can't deny it but he also can't ever believe he has any luck left in life.

He's in his late 20s. He's just been proposed as his squad's candidate for Top Gun. The DADT just got removed. He has a long-term, serious partner (Jake) who he might not be completely open about everything yet but whom he loves and plans to marry and who loves him back. They're planning on buying a house, Jake talks about having kids. Bradley met Jake's family and his life didn't blow up and they even liked him. The years after he stopped talking to Mav were tough, but he's feeling as settled and as happy with his life as he can be at the time.

He goes to his routine physical as normal, maybe his spirometry comes up short or maybe his bloods are a bit off, or maybe he's just feeling more tired than normal and the doc has a feeling.

Doc informs him about the suspicions, he gets the tests done and it turns from suspicion to reality. At no point Bradley mentions it to Jake. He's taken off flying schedule, sure, but he doesn't tell anyone why, just making something up about his eyesight getting worse or maybe about a recurring ear or sinus infection.

Even if the diagnosis wasn't that bad and the oncologist was optimistic prognosis-wise, Bradley, who has already heard the exact same words about his mom's diagnosis, wouldn't believe it at all. Maybe he wouldn't believe it at all to the point that he'd refuse treatment and just let life run its course.

He'd start planning.

Get everything sorted out while he can. Make it as painless for everyone as much as he can.

And it starts small and escalates quickly. He updates his will, he has a med leave meeting with his superiors, advocates for a transfer to an office role.

He breaks up with Jake, still not telling him a thing. Just so he doesn't have to go through it with Bradley as well — because he knows he'd. And you bet he does the break up in a way that pisses Jake off to the point he doesn't realize how suspicious everything is — the timing, the medical leave, Bradley changing from 'let's buy a house together and have kids' to 'i don't think we can really work out together' on the span of weeks. He's brash in the worst way, and obviously, it also makes their friend group wary and isolates him — which was exactly his plan.

There's one person who he knows will be forever guilty if they don't talk. So, you know, he takes a trip down to China Lake and he and Mav talk. He says all the right things he knows Mav wants to hear — that he forgives him, that he's not mad anymore, that he understands, that he still considers Mav his sort of dad and that he was pissed but he's ready to move on. Maybe Mav does the unexpected and explains to Bradley why he pulled the papers and maybe Bradley actually forgives him.

So, you know, with that Bradley is all ready to take on everything alone, never have anyone find out and just start, well, dying on his own, medical partial leave, all of his stuff sold or written into the will, potential transfer to a paper-pushing position in Point Mugu, far away from everyone who could ever care about him, any people who could ever be affected at all by his illness in the blind.

He was not counting on one thing, though — that Mav, forgiven and missing over ten years of Bradley's life, will try to be part of his life again. Calls, visits — Bradley can't really keep it hidden that he's just rolled over his life in the span of weeks, even if he doesn't not why. Bradley was young when his mom got sick but not that young — he remembers how Mav took it, he's not going to retraumatize him.

But it's really hard not to let Mav know too much when he's asking about everything, and he mentions Jake once and Mav runs wild with the information. First starts to prod Bradley, then tries to do his own investigation and finds out that Jake was stationed at the same base and that they had been together before they broke up abruptly not long ago.

He thinks he's connected the dots — Bradley's weird behavior has to be due to heartbreak, y'know — and tries to play a bit of a wingman by approaching Hangman on his own.

The two people Bradley is trying to keep in the blind meet and realize something is fishy. Jake not only gets hit with the face with Bradley's estranged dad existing but also not being estranged anymore and with that Bradley is acting freaking weird. Mav gets hit in the face because it was Bradley who did the breaking up in the nastiest way possible (and he raised him better than that and also can still see he's got the sad lovesick puppy face whenever Mav tries to bring Jake up) but also with the realization that whatever Bradley is doing, he's got them fooled.

In the end, I think it'd be Ice who figures it out (whether or not he and Mav are together in this scenario). Hears all about it from Mav and Jake and has this moment when it all kind of spins in his head, his own experiences and feelings making a callback, and just tells them, it sounds like he's preparing for a goodbye.

Needless to say, Jake is pissed, Mav is pissed. They stage an intervention and you know that Bradley coughs up (probably in some dramatic way as well... like getting sick to the point they call an ambulance for him...). They definitely freak out when they find out he's been refusing treatment this whole time.

(I don't want to go into actual details of treatment but you can bet Mav and Jake are fucking glued to him from then on and they watch him like hawks. It's not all roses and I don't believe it'd be a quick treatment, probably running long, having better and worse days. Maybe he won't even be able to fly afterwards, once he's in remission. Maybe he never goes into remission. I don't know, I don't like thinking that far...)

[lemoncrushh]

Faithfully

Summary: Harry shares the story of how you two met and fell in love.

Warnings: Syrupy sweet fluff

Word Count: 1334 words

A/N: This is written from Harry's POV. The woman originally had a name, but I've changed it to Y/N. Obviously inspired by the Journey song, written in 2017. This is interesting to read again since he mentions tours and albums that hadn't happened yet.

I'd met her just after the first leg of my first solo tour. Even then, I don't think she knew how into her I was, or perhaps she'd played it so cool that I didn't think she was that into me. She wasn't a fan, at least not in the sense that she was there to meet me. She wasn't a celebrity either, though I found out later that she'd won a beauty contest in her hometown at the age of seventeen, and she was later on a local news program in a segment about college protests on campus. I'd found her small-town fame endearing, among other things, which ultimately lead to my falling for her. She was a normal girl. Just a sweet, stubborn-as-all-hell, normal girl.

She was sat in a corner booth at the cafe when I walked in. She hadn't seen me, nor had I seen her. I'd just gotten my drink and was prepared to take a seat when a young girl squealed and asked me for a photo. Then another. And another. I was used to it, nothing new. I think one of them's mum even got in on a picture. But it wasn't until I was on the fourth or fifth selfie that I saw her. I caught her grinning above the fan's cell phone as she aimed it and snapped. As the next fan stood next to me, the mystery girl started to giggle, quickly lowering her face behind her arm. I raised my brows for a second, wondering what was so funny. She blushed when she looked at me again, catching me eyeing her. She was really cute.

I continued my fan obligation until every girl had left except the one in the corner booth. Grabbing my tea, which was now cold but I didn't care, I made my way to her table. She fiddled with her own cup, pretending that it was warming her hands underneath her sweater paws. I asked her if I could join her. She gave a half smile and a shrug, which I also thought was cute. Sliding into the seat across from hers, I introduced myself. She told me her name was Y/N.

We talked for three hours in that corner booth, Y/N and me. I would have gladly talked longer if she hadn't said she had to get home. I got her number, which she gave to me reluctantly before quietly slipping out of the cafe. I never told her that as she passed my window, I saw her smile at the ground and bite her lip.

I called Y/N the next day. She seemed surprised. She confessed that she'd known who I was, but didn't know that much about me. I'd told her that was perfect because she could get to know me, as I was excited to get to know her.

Three months. We had three months to get to know each other before the second leg of my tour, the arena portion of the tour. And in actuality, it was less time than that because I had a lot of work to do to prepare, more promo, more obligations. And, if I'm being honest, I barely count the first month. No matter how often I called or texted her, no matter how much I tried to show her I was interested, because truthfully I was very interested, she remained apprehensive, skeptical, and even a little cold. I was just about to give up and call it a day when she confessed that she'd listened to all of my music. A little lightbulb went off above my head, and my hands went clammy. I asked her to elaborate. When she admitted she liked it, I felt a weight lifted off my chest. But when she said my solo album was the best thing she'd heard, maybe ever (her words), I wanted to kiss her right there through the phone.

Any free time I had between then and the tour was spent with Y/N. I couldn't get enough of her, and if you had asked me then if I was in love, I might've said yes. But neither of us were ready to say it to each other.

Once the tour recommenced, things happened, the inevitable that happens in any long distance relationship. But because we hadn't really yet established what we even were, let alone call it a relationship, I suppose it hurt a little less. At least at first.

I didn't call her. I didn't call her for six whole weeks because I'm an asshole. I did text her a few times, just as sort of a check-in. How are you? Fine, you? Fine. Tired. How is Germany? Cold. Lots of rain. That sort of thing. It wasn't until I was on my way to Australia that I manned up and gave her phone an actual ring. I dunno what exactly happened, and I told her as much. I apologized profusely. Y/N said I was probably just feeling lonely being so far away, and maybe she was right. But Jesus, I missed her. And I would have given anything to be with her in that moment.

I called her every day after that. Every fucking day. I probably learned more about her then than I'd learned in the first three months. I had ten days between my last show in Japan and my South America shows, so I returned home to London to refresh, re-energize. I asked Y/N to fly out and see me. She told me she couldn't afford it right then. I told her I'd pay. She insisted she couldn't take off work. I asked her how she felt about me.

Two weeks later I flew Y/N out to Dallas to see me. That short time together was all I needed to confirm my feelings for her. She might tell you that the end of the tour, that second night in L.A. was when we fell in love. But I think it was in Dallas. At least on my part. And if I'm being honest with myself, I had been falling all along.

It hasn't been easy for Y/N and me. Two years, another album, a film and tour later, we got married. But immediately I was back in the studio again to record album number three. Then another tour. We decided to start trying for kids. I made another movie, but Y/N put her foot down after that. She got pregnant, I was overjoyed and wanted to stay home with her as much as I could. And I could. For a while. Then my job called again.

As I look back on this now, I dunno how Y/N did it. She's a fucking saint is what she is. I'm getting choked up just thinking about it. I love her. So much.

Being on the road is hard. On anybody. Add a relationship, a family especially into the mix, and it's a million times harder. There were nights I would wake up and wonder where I was. I'd get this sick, empty feeling in my gut and I'd have to call her, even if it was three a.m. at home. I feel so lucky to have someone that has stood by me.

I'm pretty sure Y/N knows how I feel, but just in case, I wanna say that she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. More than the music. More than the films. Even more than the fans. Fans can be true blue, but they can also be fickle. I know I lost some just by getting married. But I don't regret that one bit. I wanted the world to know how happy I was and to share in my joy. Because she is my joy. No matter where I am, I know I can count on her, and she can count on me right back. We're forever, I know this in my heart. She's mine and I'm hers...faithfully.

If you enjoyed, please like, comment, reblog or send me a msg!

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[physalian]

How to make your writing sound less stiff

Just a few suggestions. You shouldn’t have to compromise your writing style and voice with any of these, and some situations and scenes might demand some stiff or jerky writing to better convey emotion and immersion. I am not the first to come up with these, just circulating them again.

1. Vary sentence structure.

This is an example paragraph. You might see this generated from AI. I can’t help but read this in a robotic voice. It’s very flat and undynamic. No matter what the words are, it will be boring. It’s boring because you don’t think in stiff sentences. Comedians don’t tell jokes in stiff sentences. We don’t tell campfire stories in stiff sentences. These often lack flow between points, too.

So funnily enough, I had to sit through 87k words of a “romance” written just like this. It was stiff, janky, and very unpoetic. Which is fine, the author didn’t tell me it was erotica. It just felt like an old lady narrator, like Old Rose from Titanic telling the audience decades after the fact instead of living it right in the moment. It was in first person pov, too, which just made it worse. To be able to write something so explicit and yet so un-titillating was a talent. Like, beginner fanfic smut writers at least do it with enthusiasm.

2. Vary dialogue tag placement

You got three options, pre-, mid-, and post-tags.

Leader said, “this is a pre-dialogue tag.”

“This,” Lancer said, “is a mid-dialogue tag.”

“This is a post-dialogue tag,” Heart said.

Pre and Post have about the same effect but mid-tags do a lot of heavy lifting.

They help break up long paragraphs of dialogue that are jank to look at

They give you pauses for ~dramatic effect~

They prompt you to provide some other action, introspection, or scene descriptor with the tag. *don't forget that if you're continuing the sentence as if the tag wasn't there, not to capitalize the first word after the tag. Capitalize if the tag breaks up two complete sentences, not if it interrupts a single sentence.

It also looks better along the lefthand margin when you don’t start every paragraph with either the same character name, the same pronouns, or the same “ as it reads more natural and organic.

3. When the scene demands, get dynamic

General rule of thumb is that action scenes demand quick exchanges, short paragraphs, and very lean descriptors. Action scenes are where you put your juicy verbs to use and cut as many adverbs as you can. But regardless of if you’re in first person, second person, or third person limited, you can let the mood of the narrator bleed out into their narration.

Like, in horror, you can use a lot of onomatopoeia.

Drip Drip Drip

Or let the narration become jerky and unfocused and less strict in punctuation and maybe even a couple run-on sentences as your character struggles to think or catch their breath and is getting very overwhelmed.

You can toss out some grammar rules, too and get more poetic.

Warm breath tickles the back of her neck. It rattles, a quiet, soggy, rasp. She shivers. If she doesn’t look, it’s not there. If she doesn’t look, it’s not there. Sweat beads at her temple. Her heart thunders in her chest. Ba-bump-ba-bump-ba-bump-ba- It moves on, leaving a void of cold behind. She uncurls her fists, fingers achy and palms stinging from her nails. It’s gone.

4. Remember to balance dialogue, monologue, introspection, action, and descriptors.

The amount of times I have been faced with giant blocks of dialogue with zero tags, zero emotions, just speech on a page like they’re notecards to be read on a stage is higher than I expected. Don’t forget that though you may know exactly how your dialogue sounds in your head, your readers don’t. They need dialogue tags to pick up on things like tone, specifically for sarcasm and sincerity, whether a character is joking or hurt or happy.

If you’ve written a block of text (usually exposition or backstory stuff) that’s longer than 50 words, figure out a way to trim it. No matter what, break it up into multiple sections and fill in those breaks with important narrative that reflects the narrator’s feelings on what they’re saying and whoever they’re speaking to’s reaction to the words being said. Otherwise it’s meaningless.

—

Hope this helps anyone struggling! Now get writing.

[whon1verse]

rambly thoughts about 'empire of death' under the cut (they're not positive.)

the issue isn't that ruby's mother is ordinary, it's that the execution of the overall arc was poor. ruby's mum being ordinary is perfectly in tune with something that has been thematically established in doctor who before, that anyone can be special regardless of your background. that's a good message and in the context of just this episode, in complete isolation, it almost works. but it doesnt work within the wider context of the season arc, so it doesnt feel like a satisfying resolution.

i understand the metatextual intention of the mother reveal. i understand that it was a self-enforced recursive thing where everyone thought it was extremely important, which inadvertently made it important. but narratively, that's really inconsistent with what has been established throughout this arc. there was absolutely no setup for that revelation. if you want to do a storyline about how adoptees often daydream about their birth parents being special when that usually isn't the case, that's great! that would have been a really good story. and if the resolution was always going to be that ruby's mother was ordinary, the arc should have gone down that route, but that isn't what happened. the entire story revolved around the mysterious supernatural events surrounding ruby only to, at the very last minute, tell us that there was actually no reason for any of that stuff, and that we were silly for thinking the arc would pay off.

but... that reveal doesn't work when the narrative itself framed ruby's story that way. the reveal fails not because ruby’s mother is just a normal person, but because ruby’s mother being a normal person can't be synthesised with anything revealed, textually or subtextually, about ruby or her mother before this episode aired. the resolution seems to have been designed to make the audience feel silly for engaging with the story they've been presented with, while the narrative obscured information that could have tied the arc together coherently. very ironically, this is something moffat is wrongly accused of doing all the time, even though moffat's mysteries were established through foreshadowing and built on character-driven narratives, rather than creating mystery for the sake of mystery. even the moffat arc resolutions i personally disliked had more substance than the resolution rtd has written here. rtd's first era also had setup for its overarching stories, the execution in each rtd1 finale wasn't always great, but i enjoyed them regardless of their flaws because those stories never insulted the intelligence of their audience.

this finale, particularly the resolution around ruby's mother, is completely different. misdirection should be utilised effectively to elevate tension within a narrative, not implemented so that you don't actually have to foreshadow anything. misdirection can be written in a way that adds substance with repeat viewings - or at the very least doesn't detract from a story - but this season, from the very first establishing shot of ruby's mother walking to the church, has been deceitful. there's a difference between utilising misdirection, and just blatantly lying to your audience. now that we have the full story, that misdirection has rendered the entire arc nonsensical in hindsight. the story of this season doesn't make sense with the context of the finale. this story was not told coherently at all. there just isn't much going on underneath the surface, and if you try to sink your teeth into it, it all falls apart. there's a difference between suspension of disbelief and what this finale is essentially telling us, which is that we can't expect any of the overarching plots in this era to make sense. after the nonsensical 'reveal' of the mystery behind ruby's parentage, how exactly am i supposed to trust there will be a good reveal for mrs flood? i don't even want to speculate about mrs flood anymore because considering the fact that there was absolutely no setup for the revelation in this finale, and that the entire arc was built on misleading the audience, i wouldn't be surprised if the s2 finale reveals that mrs flood is just an ordinary woman who has gone a bit loopy in her old age, which causes her to make ominous speeches and address an invisible camera or something.

this arc truly amounted to "you thought ruby was special because every clue we've given you suggested that she was? how silly of you to think about what you were watching!". the finale threw all of the season's logic out of the window for a reveal that doesnt map onto what's already been established in the story. again: my problem isn't the fact that ruby's mum was ordinary, because that could have been a good storyline. my problem is that it was executed badly. the resolution didn't harmonise in any conceivable way with the rest of the arc. it feels like the entire season was manufactured to provoke speculation, while attempting and failing to make a commentary about the power of stories and memory. that sort of messaging has been conveyed very effectively in doctor who before, so revisiting those themes sounds great on paper, but this feels like a flimsy imitation, failing to grasp how those themes should be implemented in a narrative.

there have been frequent but relatively minor writing issues throughout this season that i absolutely would have been willing to overlook if the overall arc was executed coherently - the key term here is 'coherent'. it doesn't need to be a conclusion everyone loves, it just needs to make sense.

the "she was pointing at a sign to name you!!!" thing perfectly exemplifies the wider issue with this arc. the sign not even being on the lamp post in TLoRS and then magically appearing for the reveal in EoD is very telling. like everything else in this parentage arc, there were many red herrings planted, a lot of misdirection, but no actual foreshadowing to make the conclusion satisfying. the lamp post isn't even there in TCoRR. it's literally not there. you can't make everything seem mysterious and intense only to turn around and say "actually, she was pointing at a lamp post that wasn't even there in the original episode, and even more specifically she was pointing at a sign on the lamp post that wasn't there until we made it magically appear after the reveal". this didn't have any setup, and every writer should understand that setup is what makes a plot twist effective in the first place.

it's absolutely possible to marry meta commentary with internal narrative, doctor who has done that successfully countless times, but this just didn't work. now, there are entire chunks of this season that don't make any sense under the smallest bit of scrutiny. the reveal hasn't added anything, in fact it actively damages most of the episodes leading up to it because it introduces a lot of plot holes and other gaps in the narrative. ambiguity can be intriguing, but ambiguity isn't an intentional choice here. it isn't postmodernist or anything, the entire arc just doesn't make sense.

i find it ridiculous when writers intentionally obscure any/all clues about the direction of a narrative, because the natural result is that any eventual conclusion won't feel earned. it's actually good when audiences are able to piece things together, because it means you're telling a cohesive story. imagine reading an agatha christie novel where hints about the identity of the murderer are threaded intricately throughout the narrative, only for poirot to deduce that it was a natural death apropos of nothing. that would be terrible. and that's essentially what happened here; the reveal lacked setup and questions were framed in a very specific intratextual way, only for the answers to be... incoherent. it doesn't work. the puzzle pieces don't fit together. and it's not unreasonable to want doctor who to be narratively satisfying - that's the bare minimum.

i can't help but feel like there was a better story here, underneath the empty spectacle, about an abandoned child who built up this false image of her parents being magical when the reality was mundane. that could have worked, but that wasn't the direction of the narrative. in retrospect, the entire season feels... empty. and that's a shame, because the characters and audience deserved a better story.

[sophieinwonderland]

It sucks to want to support your posts because when you get told by your supporters that something you did hurt them or didn't help or hurt a whole group of people it always has you saying "I'm sorry you felt that way" or "I'm sorry it came across like that", it never feels like you're sorry for what you've said, it's always that you're sorry people took you, someone who says they speak facts and wants to disprove lies, as being truthful when you say things. You basically blame your supporters for thinking you mean something fully when you often do.

It's hard to even believe you didn't just say sorry because it upset a fan, I like your stuff, I really do, but when the ONLY reason you "realised it was hurting people" was when a supporter told you, it's a bad sign. People were telling you there were issues before that, both anti-endos and people who had NO part in system-topics at all, you were told it triggered and upset people, you ONLY listened when it was someone who said they were a supporter, no one else got the point across to you? How does that happen? and the most you can give was "it was meant to upset anti-endos"? How is that a good excuse? If an anti-endo can disprove something you say fully (like even you can see you were wrong, by mistake or something), is that to be ignored because you dislike anti-endos? Even if they disprove something totally unrelated to endos? That is bad. Awful actually. It makes me not want to trust you when I can't even know if you even look at both sides in any way, now I look at your posts and wonder if you've cut context or made something up just to "upset anti-endos" like everyone says anti-endos do to endos, instead of because you can actually prove they're wrong. This isn't how I want to feel, but you make that SO hard when you won't even agree wholeheartedly that what you said was actually just wrong and it wasn't people "feeling the wrong way about it".

Like that's not even a hard thing to agree to, it never had to be a long "I'm sorry, I'm an awful person" kind of thing, you never even had to say sorry to anti-endos at all. But the fact you wouldn't say "I'm sorry" without an "that you felt that way" really just sucks dude. It sounds like you don't mean it at all, because you're passing the blame to people for being upset at you, not because you did something wrong.

This clearly isn't an attack, it's a fan who truly wants to see you actually learn that, although saying "sorry" IS good and what you should do, how you say it says a lot about you as a person and makes people feel ways when it isn't done with the respect that they think should come from you.

I like your stuff, it's good, it's well-researched and well-written, and I'm sure MANY of your other fans feel the same, but the part that makes us love your stuff so much is why we were so disappointed in your apology; it wasn't even well-written, let alone well-researched.

If none of that gets to you, just think about how you actually upset and hurt people, anti-endos, endos, people who are trying to learn, people who don't even know what an endo is, and so on, you upset tons of people, for what? A "gotcha" at anti-endos? Why would that ever be worth the hurt? Why can't an actual apology be offered? That's stuff I was wondering when reading your apologies, and that sucks.

Overall just hope you can learn, because this never should have happened in the first place, let alone ended with such a poor apology.

I wish you luck and I do hope to be able to keep supporting you, just wish an effort could be made to make your fans feel like they're not even allowed to tell you when you fuck up.

Tell me, do you ever get sick of it all?

How long have you been involved in syscourse? For me, it's been close to 3 years. Practically since the first time I got posted to r/systemscringe for making a post on r/tulpas about how we used kissing to trigger me to front. (We stopped because a happiness trigger was too unstable and I started switching in when we weren't wanting me to.)

3 long years of watching people I care about be bullied and harassed. 3 long years of facing that myself. Maybe that doesn't sound like much but for me it feels like a lifetime.

I thought coming to Tumblr, I could share information and be compassionate, and change people's minds.

Did it work?

A little bit. Here and there. Between all the harassment campaigns and hate sent my way, I know I changed some minds along the way.

But there's been so much hate directed at us. I've watched so many people get hurt. And I've tried to stop it. Tried to fight back. But it always keeps coming.

We get some wins. We change some minds. We make a difference. I don't want to minimize our successes because there are plenty.

But more anti-endos keep coming. More keep spreading hate.

And more of us keep getting hurt. Over and over and over again.

So we go through years of this, culminating into Aspen's invasion of our tags and them passing posts around literally calling for death to the endos of Tumblr. And the anti-endo community largely did nothing. They said nothing.

And it wasn't a small post nobody saw either. It was a huge picture with 60 notes. It was posted in their tag. How messed up is that, that so many anti-endos liked and shared that, passing it around, and the community remained totally silent?

And while I wouldn't advise going into people's DMs to try to get them to change their minds by telling them anti-endos nearly bullied your friend to commit suicide, the fact that their responses when someone has done that have been come variation of "we don't care actually, LOL" has been disheartening to say the least. Because it drives home a central fact... that many of these anti-endos simply don't care if we die.

Many, I think, would genuinely be happy if I was dead.

And then there was the SAS drama. I definitely would never claim to have done this for SAS. Even without asking or seeing their opinion, I'm sure SAS would hate what I did. But it's more that the whole incident showed me just how few morals this current batch of anti-endos have. That they would dox an account that's not connected to being a system at all, one that's followed by people who know SAS in real life, and when called out they ALL defended it and stood by AEV. IIRC, AEV's own response when called out was saying that some people don't deserve privacy!

All their followers stood by this. All defended them. I looked so hard in this current batch of anti-endos to see even one who would condemn this. One who might restore a bit of faith that their community wasn't just assholes and bullies. And I found nothing.

So... I forged my words into a blade. Because after 3 year of fighting with people, you get to know their insecurities. Their fear of abandonment. Their desperate need to cling to everything and terror of it being ripped away from them. Their self-loathing, because a small part of them does know they're the bad guys. You can't hurt people constantly and spread hate, day after day, without that doubt slipping into your mind.

So I took all of that and forged it into a blade that was meant to... maybe... make anti-endos feel a fraction of the pain they've caused our community. Or at least turned a blind eye to pain their friends were causing us.

The reason I won't offer a full apology is because... I don't want to lie like that.

You say you can't trust me to be honest. But if I told you right now that I regretted my entire post and wish that I could take the whole thing back, that I was deeply sorry for it all... that would be the real lie. I would be saying it to make this whole thing go away and placate people who are mad at me, but I wouldn't feel it.

In my apology, I believe what I said was that I'm sorry it came off that way. Maybe this sounded like I was blaming them, but I was trying to apologize for phrasing it in a way that was interpreted like it was, when that's not how I meant it.

I do regret that the way it was worded triggered delusions. If I were to reforge my blade, I would have made it differently to be more clear and hopefully avoid that. Because my blade was designed to cause a specific sort of fear and hurt and pain, and that wasn't it. And so for that one part I really am truly sorry and feel it went too far.

But... I don't regret telling them that their loved ones would leave them. I don't regret telling them that their therapists will turn pro-endo. I don't regret telling them that they would be pushed out of their fandoms and communities.

I was even grateful to endogenic-cringe for delivering and swinging my blade for me, because it wouldn't have been able to reach as many anti-endos without their help. So many of the anti-endos who were affected by my post only saw it because of them. They made such a great accomplice.

Maybe that makes me a bad person.

But I'm what I've been made by dealing with three years of hate. And worse, three years of watching other people endure it and be broken down by it. I hate, so much, watching people in this community be constantly bullied and abused just for their system being different. Or even just being inclusive to different systems.

You know... I can finally sympathize with Hyaena-Bites. (Wonder who all here has stuck around since that drama?) I mean, I still think the blog was too close to harassment and I don't like that it targeted non-syscourse-related positivity posts. And I don't like that it reblogged those posts just to say horrible things, thus promoting the hate they pretended to fight against in the tags. But I understand the impulse behind it.

There was a girl who had faith in people and made a blog with a big dream, who was convinced that anti-endos were just not educated and that with enough sources, enough evidence, she could change their minds. And the bits of that girl that believed those things have died bit by bit every day.

They've systematically killed all the parts of me that were stupid enough to believe in them.

So seeing the sysmeds get hurt... I'm satisfied. There have been small moment where I start to feel a shred of guilt, but then I remember every system I've seen bullied by them. The systems who have been sent into derealization spirals from fakeclaiming. The systems who have been constantly told to kill themselves for being different. And at this particular moment... I'm thinking of the corpse of my naive faith in anti-endos to be decent people. Because I do mourn for that part of me they killed. Even if its death was necessary to make me see things more clearly.

So this is my vengeance for it all.

Is it productive? Probably not.

Is finally giving anti-endos a real taste of their own medicine for once going to result in blowback because they can actually have a real reason to pretend to be the victims? Maybe.

But their harassment only seemed to be ramping up anyway even before this.

You can do with this what you want. If you don't think you can support me and want to unfollow, that's totally valid. Especially if you think following this blog might be unhealthy for you. I completely understand that and respect what you decide.

But I'm not going to lie and apologize for something that I truly don't regret.

I'm sorry that I worded my post, that was meant to hurt anti-endos by preying on their deepest fears and insecurities, in a way that accidentally triggered delusions. And that's it. That's the full extent of what I can honestly say I'm sorry for without lying to you.

If you do decide you can no longer support me and the person I've become, I sincerely wish you the best on your way. I appreciate all the support I've gotten from my followers over the years but I would never ask any of them to stand by anyone, including myself, if you thought they were bad for you or unsafe.

[eyebulb]

The thing that gets me about Stolitz and Stolas in particular (for me personally) is just how realistic they're written. Like.. the reason I love reading fanfiction about relationships even though I'm not a stereotypical romantic is because it's often written by people who knows exactly what it feels like. The writers of Helluva Boss are sooo good at that... it hurts so much. And I LOVE it. I've felt connected to Stolas in a lot of ways, particularly with feeling unwanted or just tolerated and trying very hard to be liked (and fucking that up). I get dreaming about a perfect life where you're someone's priority and not feeling like a side-character the entire time. And on a more personal level, I GET loving someone who doesn't want you back, understanding that they have every right not to, but still being so fucking sad, angry and hurt over it. I've been the guy drunk and crying at a party over a breakup. The only difference was that the one who comforted me was my cousin and no one tried their shot with me after. I'm so particularly happy for Stolas getting attention right then cus I know exactly how it feels. There are old rants on this very blog about the way I felt when my ex broke up with me... a lot of those feelings where brought up in this very episode. I wanna give a special applause to Bryce Pinkham for delivering a perfect fucking performance this episode. Kick me right in the heart why don't you. Shit, they care so much about this show and it shows. I don't know how to survive until October tho....

[slutshamethesquirrels]

Behind The Cover - Chapter 3

previous

“You read that whole stack already? It's only been a few days.”

You look up from your crouched position on the dark wooden flooring to find the tall, dark, and oh so handsome stranger from your first visit leaning against the bookcase at the end of the aisle roughly ten feet away from you with his arms crossed snugly across his torso. He looked different this time, almost as if he'd just rolled out of bed. A loose fitting pair of heather sweatpants hung from his hips, his torso swallowed in an oversized tie-dye Grateful Dead t-shirt. He looked good in color, you noted as you took in his black crocs and unkempt hair. You hadn't realized how long it was last time.

“What can I say? Got a real hunger for knowledge over here.” You give him your sweetest smile, and his expression remains blank, but the corners of his eyes crinkle and he rolls his bottom lip between his teeth, almost like he was trying not to laugh.

So, maybe you had lied a little. You most certainly didn't finish with your prior purchases yet. Maybe you had returned to see him, maybe you had an invitation to a party you wanted to invite him to, maybe you were hoping he'd get a little tipsy and loosen up enough to put those big hands on you.

You had a bit of a problem with adrenaline. You craved it, chased it with vigor. Roller coasters, fast cars, and the occasional kleptomania flare up were all good hits; but nothing compared to the thrill of a man you knew you shouldn't be chasing after. Bonus points if they were irresistibly attractive.

Which is exactly why you’d shown up here in a mint green crop tank and black shorts so short that they hardly met the classification of “bottoms”. Your makeup was done to perfection, winged eyeliner sharp enough to draw blood and cheeks looking like they were chiseled by none other than god himself. Your belly button ring caught gorgeously in the light and matched the diamonds around your neck like the two pieces were made for each other.

“What if I said I didn't believe you?” He asks, head cocking to the side and causing his dark hair to tumble down his shoulder in a way that makes your stomach flip.

“Then I’d be very offended by your willingness to label me a liar.” You sarcastically shrug, turning back to thumb through titles mostly so you didn't continue to blatantly gawk at him before adding “But I’d be impressed by your ability to sus me out so quickly. Most guys can't see past the mini-skirts, much less have the wherewithal to read me like that.”.

He scoffs and your eyes dart up just in time to catch him looking off towards the front of the store and pushing his hair back out of his face with one hand. With the shadow of his bangs out of his face momentarily, his eyes flash a wicked lavender in the fluorescent lights. God damn, you didn't even know eyes could be that color-

“Flattery will get you nowhere. Wanna tell me why you really came?”

You sigh and stand to face him, deciding to just fucking go for it. The worst he could do was say no, but men didn't say that word to you very often. You draw a deep breath and dig around in your back pocket to produce the stray piece of paper you’d already written an address and your number on as you speak:

“My friend is throwing a party at her grandparent’s lake house on Saturday night. I wanted to invite you.”

You step forward and extend the folded paper out with two fingers, and he just stares at it for a moment, never moving an inch from his position. If he wasn't upright and relatively healthy looking, you could almost swear he never even took a breath.

He looks back at your face, stonewall and expressionless “Why?”.

You blink, face contorting for a second. Was he dense? Insecure? A virgin?

“Because I like you and I want you to come?”

“You don't know anything about me-”

“Okay, so maybe I don't like you but I’d like to get the chance to. You don't have to say yes, just think about it.”

If looks could kill.

You wished he was more pliant, readable. You couldn't decide if he thought you were annoying or was actually contemplating your invitation, but something was going on in that head of his. Something in his eyes told you there were gears turning.

He takes the paper from you and unfolds it, his eyes scanning the text back and forth, as if he were reading it a few times over. Finally, he sighs and returns that mulberry stained gaze to your face.

“You don't know anything about me.” He repeats himself, slower this time before continuing “And by that I mean, you don't want to know anything about me.”.

A silent moment passes and you can't meet his eyes. Is this what rejection felt like? Ouch.

“It's not you.” He must've caught the disappointment on your face, so you try to fix it into a polite smile as he continues “Look… Between you and I, I am not a good man. Okay? I’m the last person you want to be around you, or your friends. You’d do best to go home tonight and never return. Forget I exist before you get hurt.”

Oh you hate the way your heart skips a beat at those words, despise the nervous excitement that builds in your chest. It sounds like screaming and crying and good- scratch that- phenomenal make up sex. It sounds like getting drunk and kissing other guys to make him jealous, and blocking him just so he’ll show up at your door, and all the intoxicating toxicity your little mind could conjure up.

“I think you should have a little more faith in yourself. We all have our flaws, don't we?” You conjure up your best manic pixie dream girl bullshit excuse to keep the conversation going, and he laughs . Condescending and rude, but velvety and melodic.

“You have no idea what kind of trouble you’re in-”

“Then show me.” You boldly step forward again, now only a foot away from him and his demeanor drops, his whole body going tense. He clutches the paper against his chest in a fist, almost as if guarding himself from you, or you from him. Had you finally shaken his confidence?

“At least consider it, yeah?”

You take the hint and back off, turning and heading towards the door with the most confident strut you could muster. When you reach it, you throw a glance over your shoulder to find him boring holes into the back of your head, looking like he’d just been struck by lightning. It gives you one last boost of confidence.

“You're pretty when you're flustered.”

With that, you're pushing out of the doorway and into the night.

Suguru's POV:

The hunger was absolutely inescapable, but it was more than just a need for blood. No, whatever this fucking feeling was that you’d left within him was ravenous, all consuming. It needed… He needed… He craved. Fuck. Fuck!

He kicks down the door to the mansion he was dispatched to on that particular Friday evening. Somehow, he’d found the common sense within himself to cut the power to the house via a breaker box outside, and rip the cord to the backup generator from the ground and apart with his bare hands. No security systems to alert police this time, Satoru had done research and made sure the location wasn't guarded by the type that had backup-backup battery packs.

And thank god for that, because Suguru had been able to do nothing but exist and obsess for days. He’d spent most of his hours in his room, obsessively re-reading, smelling, licking , the paper you'd left him with. He could tell exactly where your hand had laid when you wrote, where your fingers had grazed the page as you folded it. It seemed you were a big fan of lotions, but he wished you weren't. Those artificial chemicals only tainted your scent.

He stalked you religiously, hitting the refresh button on your socials over and over and over for hours on end just to see when you’d posted, and every time you did it stirred a hurricane within him.

You, and your god damned penchant for wearing the most revealing clothing. Tender thighs and flesh just waiting to be ripped open. You, and your casual interactions with fans. You always had something nice to say about everyone you spoke to, and he’d noticed your affinity for other young women. You encouraged them to follow their dreams, to take charge of their own fates. People loved you. Thousands of fucking people loved you and there was nothing he could do to satisfy the hunger. He wished he could sort through the whirlwind of emotions and carnal instincts that had him in a vice grip. He was angry, frustrated, horrified at himself, in awe of you, and lacking so so fucking much satiation.

Footsteps cut through the chaos like a hot knife to butter, his projected target toppling down the steps hurriedly with a wooden baseball bat in his hands, already in position to swing as the skipped the last two entirely with a jump, rushing towards Getou at full speed.

Aoi Suzuki, aged 34. Charged with several counts of sexual assault and battery. Was able to afford a damn good lawyer due to his career in engineering. It didn't matter. None of it fucking mattered. Maybe it would matter when Suguru was full, when he could stop thinking about absolutely devouring you. But right now as it stood? He was ready to maul strangers on the street. Morals be damned.

The homeowner is shocked when Suguru launches forward as well, even more shocked when he catches the bat mid-swing with one hand. The wood cracks against his rock-solid palm, and he pushes forward on it, sending his sad excuse for an opponent toppling backwards onto the hard marble of the stairs. He cries out as a sickening snap reverberates from his spine, his wails pathetic and desperate.

Suguru doesn't want to hear it, can't care if he suffers or not, doesn't even bother to pull the bat from his hands before he brings one steel-toed boot down on the man’s skull, turning the top half of his head into mush instantaneously.

Finally, some peace and quiet.

Casually, he sits down on the stairs next to the bludgeoned torso and uses one hand to grab a chunk of brain matter from the gaping hole, shoving it into his mouth as he uses his other to produce his phone from his pocket.

He pulls up your instagram page again. Refresh, refresh, refresh- . A bit of blood dribbles down his chin and drips onto his phone screen as he chews. He casually wipes it against his shirt, and when he's once again looking at the screen he notices your profile picture with a ring around it in the top corner. You were live.

He joins in immediately, glad he was using a burner only titled “user2834538”, not that you'd notice him anyway with the thousands of people tuning in to watch.

“...so anyway, like I was saying. I’m going to this party tomorrow night and I was thinking you guys could help me pick out my outfits! So we're gonna do a little try-on and you guys can tell me which one you like best!”

Suguru recognizes the music playing in the back from 20 or so years ago. Some over-hyped RnB that dominated the radio waves before bluetooth overtook car speakers. He never did like the radio, but it took him back to when Itadori and Fushiguro were fledgelings, just barely over a decade into their new births. Jesus Christ, had it been that long?

He reaches down and grabs another indiscriminate hunk of flesh, biting into it like an apple as he watches the screen.

You step off camera for a bit and he scans the background. It appears to be some moderately sized room in your house. Glass tanks line the wall, some lit and some dark. In the forefront he can see the clutter of your desk, an open energy drink and a mess of makeup and hair products. Your pink office chair is half covered with a small blue blanket, it looked like one of those cheap ones that Target sold around the holidays.

The comments irritate him slightly, but he can't quite understand why he cares. Men beg you to get changed on camera, people ask you deeply personal questions unprompted, every once in a while a middle aged white woman throws the word of the good lord in there.

When you reappear, you’re wearing a strapless white dress and fishnets. Of course it's short, of course you look incredible in it, but you could do better in Suguru's personal opinion.

“What do we think?!”

From behind the camera, you twirl and strike a pose. The chat goes wild with opinions. Should he say anything?

Fuck it, why not? Not like it really matters anyway.

He types, and then presses send, watching his message flood away in the sea of comments:

user2834538: it's alright

Another handful of flesh. You saunter up to your phone and reach out towards it, presumably to check chat.

“Okay, Okay! I hear you guys. So maybe not this one. It doesn't seem to be giving you guys that ‘wow!’ factor.”

Patiently, he waits as you step off camera, consuming another few handfuls of his victim while he does so. His hands, face, torso are covered in congealed and coagulating blood at this point but he doesn't care. He usually prefers his meals hot, but he's having fun.

You return again, this time in a tank style baby pink dress that hugs your figure and a pair of white gogo boots that he thought he may recognize from an earlier post. He thinks this one is better, so he tells you so, along with every other loser in your comment section. What was he even doing? He didn't know.

Something in the comment section catches your eye and you laugh maniacally and respond to it with a sarcastic tone:

“Maki, get out of here!”

He scrolls up through the chat to find the comment you’re referring to:

mak.zenni: idk why ur trying so hard, bookstore guy isn't coming

He smirks, flashing bloody canines. You told your friends about him, huh? You silly, dumb girl.

Your friend comments again.

mak.zenni: not like i would let him in anyway mak.zenni: guy seems like a prick

He actually chuckles at that one. She was so right. He liked her already. Making a mental note to check out her profile later, his eyes wander back up screen where you're standing in a deep burgundy baby doll dress. The fabric appears to be velvet from the way it catches on the light, and you've paired it with a simple black chunky platform heel. He can't explain it, but a shiver runs up his spine. Why didn't you wear dark colors more often?

user2834538: that's the one.

“Can't you just let me try and get laid in peace, Maki?” You laugh.

He nearly chokes on his meal. Was that your goal? To have sex with him? He couldn't remember the last time he’d done that, much less with a human. There was a time he was popular with women, hell he and Satoru used to place bets and pass them around like trading cards, but after so many centuries he'd sort of put himself on autopilot. Feed, sleep, repeat.

mak.zenni: i’ll let you get eaten out by a guy that's not a creep, how about that?

You roll your eyes and say something, but Suguru’s mind is preoccupied. The meat he was holding falls from his hand absentmindedly as he toys with the idea. You, with your thighs wrapped around his head, rocking desperately against his tongue, willingly. Not even experiencing pain, but instead pleasure. He imagines you cumming into his mouth over and over, imagines how you’d taste gushing down his throat. Would it satisfy the craving? Would he be able to control himself? If he couldn't, the outcome would be the same either way, no? His throat burns, his hunger intensifies, his cock twitches -

He closes out the instagram app and pulls open his contacts, scrolling to your name and shooting you a text before he could over-think it any further:

“hey, its suguru, from the bookstore. what time should i be there tomorrow?”

next

[markantonys]

I truly think WoT is a well written, well acted show but you never see praise for it like that from most of the fandom (unless I'm following the wrong people). You see people praising GoT and HoTD like it's the best thing ever when I'm bored most of the time. Never anything similar said for WoT. I hope it does make it big in following seasons and gets more appreciation cause I truly think the show is underrated

i haven't seen GOT or HOTD so i can't speak to any comparisons there, but i agree that WOT is underrated! it feels like most of the viewership is either casuals who aren't Online About It and hardcore book fans who spend all their energy discussing book vs. show topics - not always in a negative way, i'm also including in here the show-positive discussions about improvements on the books or speculation for future seasons, but even these discussions are so rooted in book vs. show land that not a lot of people stop to discuss the show in a vacuum. it's often about "how is it similar to and different from the books?" and rarely about appreciating the show as its own standalone work.

which i think could be a difference with GOT and HOTD, they probably have a larger number of hardcore show-only fans who are Online About It discussing show-only things in detail such as writing and acting, whereas in my personal experience, WOT online fandom spaces are VERY dominated by book fans and they aren't talking as much about show-only things, or when they do, it's just to mistake "i personally don't like this change from the books" for "this is objectively bad writing and everybody who has ever watched the show agrees that the writing of the entire show is bad" lmao WOT reader fandom spaces have a reeeeaaaally skewed sense of the quality of the show's writing because they can't let go of their "similar to the books=good writing, different from the books=bad writing" baggage and also because they struggle to understand that good writing For TV is often very different from good writing For Books.

there's definitely also at play the societal tendency to praise miseryporn and characters who are terrible people as the creme de la creme of writing and acting. WOT has trauma and misery, but doesn't revel in it in a gratuitous way, and it has very flawed and complex characters, but the protagonists are all ultimately good people. it's a hopeful and uplifting story at its core and a story that wholeheartedly embraces its fantastical elements and wants to bring a sense of fun and escapism to viewers alongside the deep emotional stuff, and those are rarely taken as seriously as gritty cynical stories. hence, WOT is not viewed as a ~serious~ show worthy of having its acting & writing praised in the same way that GOT and HOTD are.

but WOT does do pretty good viewership numbers despite being kinda under the radar in the cultural consciousness, i think. i could see it gaining more attention in upcoming seasons as we enter the territory of the books that most people agree is the best portion of the series, and if they are finally able to do a proper promo cycle for s3 and beyond. from what i've seen, prime shows are never anywhere close to the level of promo netflix shows do (which is TOO much in some cases, rip to the poor bridgerton cast having to do about five thousand hours of interviews for s3), but WOT s1 came out during the covid zoom interview era and s2 came out during the strikes, so it's not hard to imagine that those 2 promo cycles might've been unusually low even for prime's standards and s3 might have a bit more. we shall see!

but at the end of the day, it's also kinda nice keeping wotshow as a hidden gem because greater online fandom attention would also mean an increase in insufferable takes haha i often find that smaller fandoms are a much more pleasant atmosphere than bigger ones!

[harocat]

Perhaps this is inaccurate, but does it ever feel to you like general cdrama fandom takes the FL being a “mature” character as the end-all indicator of the show’s quality? Recently with legend of Shenli I see quite a few people start their praise along the lines of “unlike those other garbage xianxia with their annoying FLs”. And often it becomes clear they’re trashtalking Lbfad specifically

This is not just Cdrama fandom, it's fandom on the whole; the girlbossification of female characters.

I've generally always favored characters that get this treatment. Riza Hawkeye (badass) vs. Winry Rockbell (immature), Sango (badass) vs Kagome (immature). Sorry those examples are anime, but they're very well known so 🤷

These are also often healer characters, which is a trope that tends to be... sort of maligned. How dare a women be relegated to just being a healer! But IDK, I'd rather have a well written healer than a generic, flatly written warrior any day. XLH would definitely fall under the healer class.

(One good thing I've noticed is that while all the above mentioned girls got a lot of hate back in the day, as time has gone on, they've grown to become beloved characters. You rarely see hate for any of them nowadays. It's great.)

Keeping in mind fandom's general disinterest in women, so naturally the appreciation that does exist is often extremely shallow. Characters that tend to catch their attention because of this are ones that are 'badass' or that they want to 'step on them' or whatnot. A character that starts out more mature is more likable to them because they don't need to look beyond the surface to see how 'cool' she is.

This is not an implication that Shenli is a shallow character (I am only on ep twelve, so I'm not here to give any kind of overall impression), but just that she from the beginning has more traits that are easy for people to glom onto as a 'strong female character' Do these specific people (this is obviously not all fans of Shenli) who say 'finally a mature character' write meta about Shenli? Do they gush on her and share fanworks and create and all the like. Generally no, because in my experience people who like characters for 'girlboss' reasons don't really appreciate them beyond the surface.

These people will gripe about characters like XLH, sing the praises of 'strong female characters', then go back to only caring about male characters 90% of the time.

Xiao Lanhua takes too much work for these kinds of fans. Obviously we know she is strong, we know she is badass and brave, but the XLH we meet at the beginning is silly, immature, and boy crazy. To appreciate her character fully, you have to do more than just look for five seconds and go 'wow badass'. She's a layered, richly written character, but she doesn't start out as the kind of character that fits a girlboss reading.

On the other hand, almost because of this, you can find pages and pages of meta, fic, and fanworks about her, and almost any fan of hers can give you a plethora of reasons they love her that have actual depth.

On the subject of maturity, it's often a case of the kind of immaturity that's acceptable. Dongfang Qingcang is deeply immature at the start of the series. I don't need to explain why.

But his immaturity is appealing to fandom; cute, likable, and funny. It's good immature, cool immature. And I think this is because in addition to being a male character, we're also taught that being immature like Xiao Lanhua is--- is like... a horrible thing to be? But that's not the case at all. It's just normal! Again, back to girlboss feminism. Women and female characters are held to an impossibly high standard. Female characters that act in a way that might be seen as cringe (if they aren't also badass)? Yikes.

Yes, Xiao Lanhua starts out flighty and silly, but she's also a hard worker, and even from the beginning, she's courageous (despite her timidity when confronted with bullies). She's a good character, even at the beginning; she is lovable, charming, and so, so funny. People just refuse to see beyond their first impression.

The goal in writing a female character should be to make them well written, and in that sense, Xiao Lanhua is a great character. She just happens to also be extremely brave and badass, but some people are too shallow to see it. At this point in time I don't even argue with XLH haters. I'm just like 'well fine, I'd rather not have you here anyway.'

[olderthannetfic]

I wish it was okay to admit you like getting comments in fandom instead of doing what I call the Shame Dance. "I'm ashamed of my desire for comments, I'm aware that it's bad, I know liking comments is going to be conflated with writing solely for praise and I am begging you to believe I am One Of The Good Ones who writes for objectively correct, morally pure reasons even though I'm admitting to liking social interaction in fandom. Please forgive me, I promise I'm ashamed in advance, I promise."

At this point when I see someone say "write for yourself" what I hear is "I don't know what nuance is". Someone wanting fandom to be interactive can also have written for themselves. They aren't mutually exclusive. But everyone's so quick to virtue signal with, "I write for myself like you're supposed to!" they've forgotten to pause and think, "is there, maybe, a situation in which a person could enjoy interaction with another person, and it's okay?"

And going from anti (or not, I know some of you think believing everything antis believe but not harassing people = not an anti, and others think no anti believes what antis believe) to pro-ship did not decrease the write for yourself rhetoric. I guess interaction = bad, even though you will all collectively laugh at True Art anon whilst sounding a lot like them just minus the anger.

IDK, maybe I've been doing this whole writing thing wrong. But I liked showing my work to friends and hearing their comments when I was 5 and drew rainbow birds and made mini-comics of them, so you'll all have to forgive me. I was doomed from the start to never be A Real Writer who is equally pleased by silence and words. I've always enjoyed seeing someone smile because of something I made. And I doubt I'm going to stop anytime soon.

--

Uh, yeah? Duh?

IDK where you're digging up this strawman from, anon, but the comments on True Art Anon's post are pretty much unanimously about how interaction is good.

People will often note that chasing stats is a fool's errand or mention that "too little feedback" has been a similar level of problem forever and there isn't actually some new age of no comments.

[yunwangja]

down bad - tooru oikawa smau twoshot

now im down bad crying at the gym

everything comes out teenage petulance

fuck it if i can't have her

i might just die, it would make no difference

oikawa is your good friend since you were a freshman - but little did you know that he is actually head over heels for you.

tags: oikawa x fem!reader, high school friends to lovers, pining, jealous and desperate oikawa lol, and eventual fluff i thinKK

warnings/notes: swearing, idk if this counts as a smau but it's more written content than socmed elements! seijoh 4 (aside from oikawa obviously) are side characters. mb if they are a bit ooc and dont mind any typos/grammatical mistakes in case. idrk how else to describe this but its oikawa being an emotional wreck bc of y/n. i only made a twoshot to divide the length of the story :d it's not too serious don't be fooled by the cover i just did it for the *aesthetic*

partly inspired by down bad by taylor swift

part 1: everything comes out teenage petulance

immediately after the whistle blows during a match, oikawa tooru’s expression changes. in the court, he’s known to be fierce, confident, and a skilled volleyball player; but once he steps outside of it, he’s just a boy.

a boy constantly wanting to be noticed by the girl he likes - you. he craves for your attention, your smile, your laugh, and your touch. since your first day as a freshman when he was a junior, the chemistry of his brain was changed, and it was only filled with you.

what can he do? he just wants you.

despite his popularity and charming personality, oikawa becomes a bumbling mess around you. he effortlessly turns down other girls with a smile, having the ability to leaving them giggling and kicking their feet after rejecting them. but when it comes to the girl of his dreams, he can’t even muster the courage to make a move or ask you out.

he often marvels at the miracle of your friendship, wondering how he manages to talk with you at all. in your presence, he feels both immense pressure and profound relief—safe yet burdened by a heavy facade that conceals his true feelings.

despite reassurances from his childhood friend iwaizumi that he’ll be fine, oikawa remains tormented by the idea of confessing to you. his biggest fear is your rejection. he doesn’t just worry about typical "what ifs" - what if she doesn’t feel the same way back? or, what if she avoids me if i tell her? he dreads everything that could go wrong, because he just knows he’ll never be able to get up if you turned him down.

call him dramatic (and he is), but the thought of you not returning his feelings feels catastrophic. he loves you deeply and prioritizes your feelings no matter what, but grapples with a selfish desire: to love you and only you. the idea of you not wanting that devastates him.

nevertheless, oikawa cherishes every moment with you, never taking your presence and whatever you have today for granted. each smile he puts on your face is a reward for him.

“y/n, you're here~” he greets you with an exaggerated wave from the court as soon as he sees you in the bleachers, waiting for him.

being the good friend you are, and a supportive student of your school, you were always present whenever the boys’ volleyball team had a match.

it was like your unofficial club at this point, and your friends keep teasing you that you’re only there for the one and only captain of the team. they weren’t completely wrong, but you keep denying it and tell yourself you’re just there ‘as a friend’. 

you put on a big smile acknowledging his presence, “tooru!” you wave at him back excitedly, “do great today!”

he only chuckles in response, nodding and scratching the back of his head. “roger that!” he salutes, making you laugh.

you motioned for him to come closer, and he gladly did. from your pocket, you took something out and threw it down to him. "catch!"

of course, oikawa effortlessly caught it. opening his palm, he saw a friendship bracelet inscribed with his name and a heart. he couldn’t control his delight, wore it immediately, and looked up to you.

“with that, you’ll definitely win! no bets needed.” you smile at him. 

“thank you, y/n!” 

as he turns around to prepare for the match, there's a noticeable shift in his demeanor. “let's do this,” he declares, suddenly energized and ready, thanks to your support. with a stretch of his arms, he reassures himself that today will be a good day, as long as you're by his side, smiling at him.

“he’s so down bad for her,” matsukawa whispers to iwaizumi. 

during the intense match that followed, oikawa displayed remarkable skill and determination, leading their team to a hard-fought victory.

after the match ended and the celebrations quiet down, he finds himself in the locker room, still catching his breath from the adrenaline rush. his face glistens with sweat, testament to the effort he put in. as he wipes his forehead with a towel, he finally breaks the silence with iwaizumi, his voice reflecting a mix of relief and curiosity. “i didn’t see y/n when the match ended. where is she?”

"oh, she was there until we finished our post-match rituals with the opponents," hanamaki chimed in, overhearing. "then i saw a senior from another school talking to her and they left together."

oikawa’s eyes immediately shot up at the mention of another person with you, because of two reasons: one, this is unusual to happen after a match, and two, just why?

his teammates knew what this meant for him. quickly changing into a clean jersey and packing his things, oikawa turned to them. "can you put my bag on the bus? i’ll look for her." this was more of a command instead of a favor, not caring any less if they were willing to do so or not. 

he searched everywhere, navigating through volleyball players, fangirls, and schoolmates. his charismatic smile kept his fans engaged as he scanned the venue looking for you.

finally, near the staircase leading to the audience seats, he spotted a figure resembling you. hanamaki’s observation was spot on—there was indeed a man, tall and around his age, talking to you with a smile.

not wanting you to notice him, oikawa subtly moved for a better view. he froze as he saw you chuckling and tucking a strand of hair behind your ear. he couldn’t hear what you were talking about, but all that mattered was that a sweet smile was plastered on your face.

it pained him deeply. his face grew hot, and he hurriedly walked to the nearest water fountain to cool off. it’s fine, that’s nothing. there’s nothing to be upset about. it’s just them talking, that’s not a big deal. it’s not like they’re together or something. he was trying to distract himself, but it was to no avail.

deep down, he knew he was being selfish. he hates that he doesn’t have the right to feel this way. he hates that you’re not his. he feels stupid for feeling jealous over your non-existent relationship. he feels like shit, and it’s all just because you smiled, and it wasn’t because of him. 

he thanked his lucky stars for being alone at the water fountain, because his eyes just started watering while stepping on the fountain’s pedal.

this scene is actually familiar to him already. there were definitely occasional moments like this where someone would approach you and ask you out, and he would hear about it, isolate himself, then cry about it out of jealousy and frustration.

it was a recurring episode he despised. in moments like these, he’d be furious with himself. why didn’t i make a move any sooner? of course y/n has other admirers, she’s perfect. i wouldn’t be surprised if she got a boyfriend. but it’s not me. i hate it. and i hate myself more because i didn’t do anything. what if she gets a boyfriend? will she stop talking to me? will whatever we have end? but still, she wouldn’t be mine. that’s the worst of it all. 

he wiped his tears while drinking from the fountain, feeling pathetic. he hates crying like this, because he’s a grown man, but he also can’t help it because it’s you.

you are the only person who can override his emotions. you make him crazy, literally. you could make him laugh, cry, angry, happy, jealous, name all of them - all just with the thought of you. 

he drowned himself with his own thoughts, trying to stifle his sobs.

“tooru? are you crying?”

your voice startled him and turned to your direction. “y/n…”

he stared at you, tears still in his eyes as he straightened up. this is the first time you’ve seen him cry since you both met - it’s not like he was someone who was emotional per se, especially around you.

"is something wrong?" concerned, you moved closer, reaching out to comfort him. he surprised you by wrapping his arms around you, holding you tightly.

taken aback but returning the hug, you drew circles on his back as he sobbed quietly against your shoulder. you wondered why he could be feeling this way. it’s not like they lost the match, and he was surely smiling like a champ the whole day. 

there was a chance someone could’ve said or done something hurtful, but aside from those possibilities, there was nothing you could think of as to why he would feel this down, but whatever it was, you were ready to help him. 

you waited patiently for him to compose himself, trying to figure out what had upset him. "i’m sorry, i…" he turned to face you, still hugging you. "don’t worry, i’ll be fine." he wiped his tears.

"you came at the right time, so i’ll be fine," he said, smiling weakly despite his red eyes. resting his chin on your head, he closed his eyes. "just bear with me a bit."

he slowly covers your ears with both of his hands, confusing you, but you allowed him, thinking that this is the best way you can help.

all of a sudden, you feel a kiss on your forehead. that surprised you for sure, but you forgot to react to it when you saw him mutter something with a small smile, and you couldn’t understand due to his hands hindering your sense of hearing.

“what?” you try to ask as he removes his hands on your ears and wraps his arms around you again. “did you say something? i can’t lip read, you know.”

he only chuckles, slowly regaining his composure, “you don’t need to know.” 

figuring that you’ll let it pass, you let him hug you a while longer, knowing it comforted him. eventually, when he released you, his nose was still red and his eyes were slightly swollen.

"thank you for being here, y/n," he smiled, patting your head. "sorry for my sudden actions. i hope you didn’t mind."

you shook your head, not at all bothered. "it’s not like you did anything wrong," you reassured him. "i’m glad i could help."

you didn’t want to ask him about why he cried any further, nor how he ended up here, since if he wanted to talk about it, he would’ve said it already. at some point, oikawa prompted the both of you to get going, walking side by side. “by the way, i didn’t see you after we won. where did you go?”

he looks at you as you answer, “oh! a senior from another school told me he wanted to talk to me earlier - although i just realized i wasn’t able to know what school he was from, since his uniform didn’t give any hints.” 

you continue, “anyway, he started off by mentioning the match. i thought he wanted to be introduced to you, thinking he saw us before the match. but then he asked me out,” your eyebrows furrow.

your answer tugs at oikawa’s heart a bit. “so, you’re going out on a daaate?” he said teasingly, putting up a facade. what a liar i am, he thought to himself.

you immediately react and wave your hands in denial, “no, no! when i knew he was asking me out, i turned him down immediately. besides, i’m interested in someone else.” as you finished the last sentence, you tried to look away from his gaze.

his eyes lit up momentarily. trying to conceal his emotions, he looked away for a second and fixed his expression, “i see.”

“anyway, and then i went here since i got thirsty, then there you were.” you finished explaining.

oikawa felt a whirlwind of emotions following your explanation. relief washed over him knowing nothing happened with the other guy, but the mention of you being interested in someone else gnawed at his mind. who could it be? his heart raced with both hope and anxiety, the idea of you liking someone else creating a knot in his stomach.

determined to spend more time with you, he resolved to uncover the truth about who you were interested in. or not. he actually doesn’t know.

"are you heading home now?" he asked, and you shook your head. "no, i need to stop by school. i have some things to pick up from our club room."

your answer lit up an idea for oikawa. 

part 2

[niuniente]

That freaky feeling when you pick up a book and it's synopsis has your name on it, describing your life:

"Art had always been Niu's passion and the only thing she wanted to do in life, but mundane and repetitive commissions had killed her inspiration."

[xhanisai]

hey lads if you’re not gonna comment on a fic you enjoyed, at least leave a kudos man

[thedreadvampy]

btw about Neil Gaiman I periodically agree with the 'Neil Gaiman is annoying' stuff bc I feel like both he and Amanda Palmer seem like people who I would go insane stuck in a room with bc we have very different ideas about art and suchlike. and I also do think that the career trajectory he's on lately is cynically redoing his greatest hits and pretending that was the dream all along when it clearly was not. which is at best meh.

having said which

as far as I can tell by far the most common complaint about Neil Gaiman is "Snow, Glass, Apples is problematic/gross/it's got incest and rape and frames the child as the aggressor"

which strikes me as a weird complaint to pull out of a 40 year body of work tbh when that short story is pretty clearly coming from a place of 'how far can I push this'. like you don't have to like the story. I don't really like the story. but it is. a horror story.

like and this is the thing with particularly 90s alt horror right? a lot of the interest is in transgression and sitting in the worst possible perspective and seeing what happens if you pull those strings. like I really like Clive Barker for example but there's a good chunk of his short stories that I'm like I'm not picking up what you're putting down Clive this seems Kinda Off. but that willingness to write some trite or Bad Message horror fiction that doesn't land is imo a side effect of being willing to try writing uncomfortable and unpleasant fiction at all. which is what horror is for, among other things, it's for creating discomfort as a form of catharsis or engagement.

like I am not a huge fan of the type of sex-horror that pops up in a lot of Gaiman's work and other contemporary horror writers - to me I don't find it upsetting or horny it just ends up feeling kind of edgy and tryhard - but I'm also a bit like. it does seem like a lot of people's beef with Neil Gaiman is that In The 90s He Was A Horror Writer

and this approach to Problematic Horror in Snow, Glass, Apples I find kind of microcosmic of how The Discourse often approaches art in this kind of 1:1 way. if you write a story which seems to line up with rape apologia it can only be because you agree with it. if you write a story about transphobia you're a transphobe. if you write a story that makes me genuinely uncomfortable you're attacking me.

but artwork, especially art like horror that's not necessarily trying to provoke enjoyment as its main response, is necessarily hit and miss. and if what you're shooting for is discomfort then whether it works, falls flat or goes too far incredibly depends on your audience. and making good art - as in art that makes its audience think, art that opens the audience up to discomfort and catharsis and sticks with them and changes them - requires the space to experiment and tbh the space to fuck up. like they aren't all going to be winners and they certainly aren't all going to work for you as a singular audience.

personally I don't see the appeal of Snow, Glass, Apples, less cause it's nasty and more cause it's hack. ooh an edgy monstrous version of a fairy tale where there's lots of rape and cannibalism? you're soooo original Neil. but like. that's fine. I don't really vibe with like 70% of Neil Gaiman stuff I've read but I still like Neil Gaiman because the stuff that works for me really works for me.

idk I think there's a lot of folk on this website who shouldn't interact with horror cause they clearly aren't interested in being horrified. that's not everyone who dislikes Snow, Glass, Apples, but it's a real undercurrent to a lot of the criticism and tbh this kinda vibe is shit for art. making standout art What Is Good also requires being ready to make art which stands out for the wrong reasons. sometimes they'll be the same art to different people.

[thepoisonroom]

btw if i could give one tip to the anxious bitches as one myself it would be to avoid accusing people who care for you of secretly hating you like either it's not true and you made them feel weird and like you think badly of them or it's true and you should just bounce but either way this will accomplish nothing