#because if I’m being honest… I don’t think I can bear to have the actual ask on my blog 😅

[artsy-dreamer]

…gonna answer that anon ask in the tags of this post

[devildom-moss]

idk how to verbalise this idea properly so bear with me but: mc whose entire logic in life is 'fuck it we ball' including when it comes to romance, so they just completely go along with any attempts at flirting in a sort of "yes, and-" fashion

which probably only encourages said suitor and then mc has the Audacity to be surprised when it gets intense enough for them to realise they're actually being seduced lol

gn mc with just the brothers for now pls!! thank u for your services

Hopefully this request is what you were looking for. Honestly, I had a bit of confusion while writing, but I tried. I went with headcanons because that seemed like the best fit. Thanks for the request.

gn!MC who casually flirts back with the demon brothers headcanons

(and then has the audacity to be surprised that they're being genuinely pursued)

(Suggestive)

Word Count: +2700

Lucifer

Lucifer is an awful flirt, trying so hard to fluster MC and convince them of his dominance. (Where’s it at though? I don’t see it.) His flirting is so suggestive that it’s actually pretty easy to just assume it’s a bit of playful teasing between friends.

For MC, it plays out like those posts that say something and then escalate immediately – something like “Kiss your homies goodnight. Kiss them with tongue. Eat their ass.”

Having an MC who flirts back with him can be a bit embarrassing, and it gets Lucifer’s hopes up so much. (“Could you pour me another cup of coffee, MC?” “Third one this morning, Luci. Not sleeping well?” “I’m afraid not. Perhaps you should come over and help – but then again, we might not get much sleep if you do.” “Aw, Luci, do you want me to fuck you senseless to help you fall asleep?” “If you’re offering, who am I to refuse.”)

He’ll be frustrated that MC keeps flirting with him, but they never follow through.

Lucifer is so horny that it’s absurd. MC could be completely normal, and this man would be thirsting. (“I really don’t want to do this lesson. This chapter is so boring.” “Normally, I wouldn’t use positive reinforcement, but if you complete your work, I’ll reward you.” “What kind of reward?” “Come to my room tonight and find out.”)

Poor MC doesn’t realize they’re being seduced until Lucifer has dragged them into his bed.

“Sleep with me.” “I’m not really tired, Lucifer.” “Good. Then you’ll have plenty of energy to make out and maybe even fuck me – if you want.” His touch would be so intimate – rubbing their inner thigh or groping their ass. “IF I WHAT?!?”

Lucifer would turn pink up to his ears. Part of him thinks MC is just teasing him again, but he would quickly realize that they’re being genuine. He’d feel absolutely humiliated. Did they not want him at all? Did all of that flirting mean nothing?

Before he could die from the shame, Lucifer would manage to blurt out, “Do you want me or not?” He wants some honest commitment in return for his affection, and if MC won’t bring that, that’s unacceptable. Of course, there is some thrill in a chase, but in that moment, Lucifer won’t have it in him. It would be a battle to fight some other day.

If MC tells him no or gives a half-hearted response, he will ask them to leave his room with one hand covering his blushing face. He wouldn’t even be able to look at them as he closed the door – and he’d probably avoid them for a day or two. (Also, he might cry a little after the door is locked).

If MC insists that they do want him, he’ll be especially needy while also acting all sadistic – attempting to tease them to distract from his own embarrassment. This poor loser will require so many kisses to reinflate his ego.

Mammon

To be fair, Mammon would bring this upon himself. He loves to act like he’s uninterested – constantly interrupting his fawning and puppy-like following of MC to save himself from the absolute humiliation of being *gasp* honest about his feelings.

I can see Mammon regularly initiating flirting, but this man can’t follow through to save his own life (maybe to save the life of someone else, though). An MC who reciprocates his flirting would leave him a blushing, flustered mess. Most of the time, his embarrassment cuts the interaction short.

“Ya just can’t get enough of the Great Mammon, can ya?” “Of course not, you handsome devil~” “I- uh! Hmph! Damn right!” he’d say it, crossing his arms and avoiding eye contact while the blush rises in his cheeks. How is MC supposed to respond?

If they tease him further and flirt more, he’ll just yell and tell them to knock it off. If they just shrug it off and move on, Mammon will be too flustered to make another move on them that day. The flirtatious spark just kind of fizzles out like a defective firecracker.

It takes a lot of boldness on Mammon’s end to get MC to realize he’s being serious. And honestly, Mammon is so adorable, MC may have the opportunity to take the initiative and push things a little further first. (You want to tell me most MCs could just flirt with Mammon, reducing him to a blushing, aggressive mess, and go back to watching that movie or playing that video game upon Mammon’s belligerent demand, and not want to kiss his face? Okay, sure.)

But let’s ignore that thought and say MC follows Mammon’s flirting in the “yes, and” fashion. After Mammon continuously sabotages his own chances, eventually, he’s going to get so frustrated that he will smother his own shyness long enough to get what he wants.

He’ll get MC alone and string together some make-shift confession – a plea for more. “Ya know, if ya wanna kiss the Great Mammon or somethin’, I’m not gonna stop ya – like, I mean, I want a little more outta ya. So, don’t hold back just cause ya think I don’t want to or nothin’.” (translation: Please kiss me. I know I act like I don’t want you, but I really, really want you to kiss me. Please, please, please.)

His face will burn, and a blush will work its way up to his ears. It’ll be hard to deny the intensity of his feelings, and it will weigh down on MC – a truth previously held in a bag on their back, tethered to dozens of helium balloons that disguised its weight, and then suddenly found every string cut loose by Mammon’s admission. He really loved them. For his confession, all Mammon would get was a stunned but heartfelt “oh.”

He gets so upset and embarrassed that MC didn’t realize he was being serious before. He went on a rollercoaster of emotions; meanwhile, this whole time, they hadn’t even taken his advances in earnest. It’s practically offensive.

The only remedy for Mammon’s bruised dignity is for MC to immediately hold and kiss him until he’s temporarily satisfied. (“Ya owe me big time for not takin’ me seriously.”)

Leviathan

I mean, he kind of has to flirt before MC can flirt back – unless we’re going to count accidentally blurting out his innermost perverted desires as flirting. Sure, I suppose it’s basically flirting to tell someone “It’s sexy when you tell me what to do. I can’t stop imagining you doing that in other settings.”

He’s so bad at flirting that nothing will happen for a long time after he realizes he’s head over heels. Levi is fine spending the rest of his (or at least MC’s) life pining for them – or at least he believes that. But the longing and desire will start to creep in, and he’ll wonder how much he can ask from MC. Friends can hold hands and maybe even cuddle, right? Maybe even kiss? Could they even –?

The thoughts eat away at him until he can’t wait for MC to make the move anymore. It slips out of him like some mating request written by Dr. Suess: “Would you –? Could you –? With an otaku? A gross, disgusting one, too?”

Levi is so visibly flustered that he doesn’t leave much room for ignorance. Even the most extreme masochist wouldn’t subject themselves to the furiously blushing, trembling state that Leviathan had worked himself into. He’d be on the brink of tears. All his hope in the world would be precariously perched on a ledge, awaiting your response.

I can’t see MC not knowing that Levi was attempting to seduce them, but perhaps the timing of it came as a surprise. Or perhaps they had never taken his affection seriously. He has so many favorites that he can’t pursue; just because he has a massive crush on MC doesn’t mean he had plans to act on it.

He will get even more embarrassed and down on himself to know that MC didn’t take him seriously at first. He understands, but that doesn’t make it any less hurtful.

He will require physical reassurance – as much of it as MC is willing to give him. And honestly, if MC doesn’t end up kissing him until he forgets how to think after his confession, he’ll probably hide in his room for a few weeks purely out of shame.

Satan

With an MC like this, the back-and-forth flirting goes on for an inordinate amount of time. Satan is not a flirt by any definition, but when there’s someone he likes, he knows how to turn on the charm. He’s smart, passionate, and mentally quick on his feet; he’s a natural charmer for the right audience.

Satan moves pretty slow when romance is concerned. If Levi wasn’t such a hopeless cause (affectionately), Satan would probably be the slowest to escalate a romantic relationship. He and MC will have a dozen dates under their belts before the desire for more had become an unbearable burden for Satan to silently ignore.

Eventually, Satan would find himself reading in his room with MC, unable to hold back anymore. He would ask, “Would you mind if I kissed you?” “No, I don’t mind if you want to.” “Could I kiss you now?” “Eh, sure.”

Everything up to that point could have been misread as platonic or some casual interest – maybe even curiosity on his end.

But he was serious, and it was evident in the way he approached MC to collect that kiss. He would straddle their hips, set their book aside (face down to mark the page like a real gentleman), and lean down for the kiss. Then, his lips would move against theirs, and the smallest sigh would escape him like a quiet release of sexual tension that had pressurized his entire body. Then, it would all click for MC.

Surprisingly, he wouldn’t be upset or humiliated if MC hadn’t taken him seriously before. In fact, he sees it as more of a personal failing, and in a low, seductive voice, he would tell them, “Allow me to prove how genuine and deep my feelings are for you.”

Asmodeus

He flirts with everyone, so how was MC supposed to know??

He asks them on dates so often. He’s probably the only one who could make out with MC and they’d still think, “yeah, we’re besties” because when Asmo pulls away with a giggle and a grin, telling them how much fun that was, it doesn’t feel serious.

It would take a moment of angst – either Asmo feeling like MC doesn’t take his advances seriously enough (and they don’t) or MC getting down on themselves – for them to realize.

Asmo would pull them into his room and leave small kisses all over them, peppering in compliments. “You’re so gorgeous, and I adore looking at your face.” Then, he would kiss their cheek. “You’re such a sweetheart.” Then, the other cheek. “I always have so much fun when I’m with you. I don’t ever want you to leave my side.” He would kiss their forehead. “I want you to feel confident; you’re such a wonderful soul.” (He would probably add more compliments if MC was feeling self-conscious.)

His words would get sweeter and more honest. “I feel seen in your eyes – like every part of me is accepted. I don’t have to play it up or try.” He would work his way down their neck with soft pecks to their skin. “I want to share everything beautiful in this world with you.” In part to avoid meeting their gaze. “I want to make you smile with everything I have.” And in part so he could whisper the words into their ear. “I want to help you whenever you need me. I’ll sit right next to you through any pain and hardships you encounter.” No one else had earned the right to hear his praise and affection. “I want to be a comfort for you – someone you can return to like a home.”

Finally, he would face them with a striking affection. “You know I’m in love with you, right? It’s not just lust and fun. You’re everything. You matter the most – after me, of course. It’s me and you and everything else.”

Asmo seduces everyone. That isn’t shocking. But this was more than seduction. It was genuine courtship. He won’t fault MC for being surprised. It caught him off guard too.

Beelzebub

Beel is not super flirty, but he makes it known that he cares through his actions. So, there aren’t many opportunities for MC to “yes, and” flirt back with him.

He asks them out to get food often and brings them snacks, but that doesn’t signal any romantic intentions. Sometimes he might stare at MC affectionately or admit how happy he is to spend time with them, but it’s nowhere near intense.

Sometimes, he asks for something more selfish. It starts small: petting his head, holding his hand, hugging him. None of those register as seduction from Beel for MC, especially compared to the affectionate nature of his twin. In fact, no one would fault MC for thinking these were platonic wants. After all, Beel has been through a lot. Sometimes this sweet, big baby boy just needs physical affection.

Then, he would get a bit bolder with his requests: “Could you feed me?” “Can I feed you?” “Would you hold me?”

As innocent and platonic as Beel may seem, he makes a lot of off-hand remarks that sound a bit perverted. “I bet MC’s lips would taste good.” “I wonder what you taste like.” “MC has nice hands. I bet they would feel good…” These comments could open the door for some flirting from MC, though. “Wanna taste me, Beel?” “Should I give you a massage? Or maybe something more?”

MC flirting with him would make his heart race. Even if MC didn’t follow through with their flirtatious offer, it would encourage Beel to keep pushing his luck.

Finally, he would ask, “Can I kiss you?”

Beel would look so shy and embarrassed, holding his hands awkwardly to his chest, that it would be hard not to take him seriously. The question – and his desire – would be a slight shock. Beel wouldn’t mind that MC was surprised, although he would be disappointed if he was turned down.

If MC takes him up on that offer, they will come to realize that his ravenous hunger showed itself through a kiss, too – as if he had been starving for MC’s touch and affection.

Belphegor

He’s so affectionate and cuddly. In that way, he’s similar to Asmo; it’s pretty hard to tell how serious and intense Belphie’s feelings are. He’s just kind of like that.

It’s common for Belphie to ask to be spoiled with affection – head pats, feeding him, hugging him, sleeping together, going out with him, praising him, holding his hand, being his pillow, etc.

His need for attention doesn’t cover up for how flushed his face gets when MC is the one to give him affection. His neediness doesn’t explain how much he clings to MC or how he blushes and tells them not to stop touching him.

So, actually, he’s less flirty than he is demanding of attention. Going along with his demands only encourages him to vocalize and act on more of his desires. He’d even ask permission to kiss them and to be kissed.

MC probably wouldn’t figure it out until Belphie starts sleepily trying to make out with them.

“Belphie, are you half-asleep?” “What? No. I’m awake. Why?” “That was a really heated kiss.” “Of course it was. Can we keep going?” “I’m sorry, what?”

“Don’t you like me back? We sleep together, go on dates, cuddle, and you even let me kiss your face and neck whenever I please. Don’t you want to go further?”

It hits them. Belphie can read the look of surprise on MC’s face, and it makes him pout. MC really should have known how he felt by then, but he’s confident that his affection is reciprocated before MC even responds.

“Sheesh. You’re really difficult, you know? I’ve had to do a lot of the work here because you’re so dense.” Belphie would straddle MC’s lap and take off his shirt. “I’ll let it go this time, but you better start putting in more effort from now on.”

A/N: Only about 1 hour left to vote in the poll. And we just got to 100 so y'all are getting 2 posts this month. Genuinely, I typed this a/n up, talking about only needing one more vote, checked it again, and the one vote is no longer needed. Good job, y'all. I swear if there are ties...

[nolita-fairytale]

burn your life down | chef luca x fem!reader | chapter eight

summary: you and luca pick up where you left off a week ago.

warnings: fluff, smut (18+ only), literally just p*rn FOR the plot. big note on consent: there is protected (then sort of) unprotected sex in this chapter. the biggest point i'd like to make here is that both characters consent to both kinds and have a very open and honest conversation about it which, if you take away anything from this chapter, it's PLEASE HAVE HONEST CONVERSATIONS WITH THE PEOPLE YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH FOR EVERYONE'S SAFETY. ok rant over.

word count: 4.9k

listen to: the official 'burn your life down' playlist

a/n: another busy week ahead of me so I wanted to get this out here ASAP, but most likely won't be able to get the following chapter out for a bit. obviously, we don't know what happens w/ marcus' mom, but in this world, she doesn't die opening night of The Bear.

on another note: you guys are seriously the best and leave the sweetest and most excited comments/reblogs. i seriously love it when you guys scream at me in gifs/memes/all caps. let me know if you'd like to be added or removed from the taglist.

part seven | masterlist | part nine

“Yeah uh, everything’s been goin’ good. I think Carm’s still trying to deal with everything that happened since opening – I don’t know if you heard but – but… it’s been good,” Marcus says over his FaceTime call with his mentor. 

“No, I hadn’t. Eh, haven’t talked to him much since before you visited,” Luca answers, hesitant to ask about what happened during that first night. 

“Got locked in the fridge and kinda lost it but… he’s doin’ okay,” Marcus explains, summing up the events of The Bear’s friends and family night. 

“How are you doing? How’s your mum?” Luca asks, changing the subject from Carmen to his mentee. 

He’s had more contact with Marcus – knows more of what’s going on in Marcus’ life than Carmen’s for a bit now – and Luca wants to make sure he’s being a good friend to him, considering he’d heard about Marcus’ mom’s emergency the night of The Bear’s friends and family night. 

“She’s hangin’ on but… it’s not lookin’ great. It’s hard, man. I’m… doin’ the best I can,” Marcus admits, solemnly. 

“I can only imagine,” Luca empathizes, because he can’t bear the thought of losing his own mum. 

“But uh… anyways, what’s up? What’s new with you?” Marcus asks, his voice much more energetic from the prospect of changing the subject. 

“You sure you want to hear about me?” Luca hesitates cautiously. 

“Yeah, man,” Marcus agrees. Luca can hear something so sure in his voice, as if Marcus is in dire need of a distraction – to talk about anything but his sick mom. “Shit. I’d love to hear about someone else’s drama for once,”

Luca chuckles softly, his voice light as he replies, “No drama on my end. Though. Ehm… I met a girl. I actually kinda have you to thank for it, mate.” 

“What do you mean?” Marcus questions. 

“Well. All that talk about inspiration…” Luca says, thinking about how what he’s just makes sense. 

“... you know, about being open to things outside the kitchen…. After you left, it made me realize that it’d be a while since I’d taken my own advice. Got stuck on a menu, went out for inspiration, and, well you know what they say: the rest is history.”

He knows it’s not as simple as that, but it seems like Marcus needs a little good news right now. 

“Oh shit! How’s that going?” Marcus asks, his tone much lighter now. 

“I’m positively chuffed, mate,” Luca chuckles, unable to hide the i’m-very-much-enamored smile that spreads across his face.

“The fuck does that even mean, man?” Marcus teases with a laugh at the oh-so-posh-sounding expression. 

Luca laughs again before explaining, “It means I'm pretty damn smitten.” 

“Shit,” Marcus sighs. 

He can see it all over his face as he continues to see his mentor. 

“You’re a goner, man.”

-------------------------------

Luca walks you home this Saturday evening after his regular dinner date at your restaurant. While you had a steady flow of business tonight, Mathilde and the rest of your kitchen staff made it a point to rally so that you could join him for a bit. It’s been a week since your unplanned sleepover with Luca (and your pleasantly surprising sexy morning after), and you haven’t stopped thinking about it. 

Haven’t stopped thinking about him:

The way he called you ‘love.’ The way he watched you fall apart with the most pleased look on his face. The way his fingers felt inside of you. 

“Luca,” you begin. 

The two of you stand across from one another, at a crossroads. The night could end here. You could say your goodbyes, give him a goodnight kiss, and go your separate ways, but that’s far from the option you’d prefer.

“Yes, love?” he asks you, as if he’s waiting for you to ask first.

There it is again. 

Love. 

Your eyes flicker from the cobblestone streets then back up to him as you the words fall out of your mouth:

“Do you… wanna come up?” 

Something flashes across Luca’s face as he opens mouth to say something, pausing for a moment before answering, as if it’s an agreement to what you’re really asking, an ever-so confident,

“Yes.” 

You smile, take a breath, then grab his hand as you turn towards the door to your building. As Luca follows you, the only sound between the two of you are your footsteps as you make your way up the stairs. The tension between you is thick, the anticipation of what happens next palpable, that takes shape as a pregnant silence. Luca is more-than-patient as you unlock your door, welcoming him into your home once again, before locking your front door behind you. He’s busy removing his shoes as you giggle, taking yours off as well. 

Once both of you are barefoot, you reach for him, pulling him towards you so that he towers over you, your back pressed against the front door once again. 

“This feels… eerily familiar,” Luca jokes softly, so close to kissing you that it hurts. 

“Yeah,” you agree, under your breath. This is exactly where he had you a week ago, before you both decided not to do the thing you were about to do. “Think you might wanna… pick up where we left off? Now that neither of us are plastered?”

Luca waits a beat, leaning in and ghosting his lips over yours, causing you to gasp in response to his teasing. 

“Do you?” he asks, his voice steady.

He wants to know that you’re sure. Wants to know that you want this as much as him. That you haven’t stopped thinking about the other day when he watched you fall apart on his fingers and how it was the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. 

“Yes,” you answer, your voice unwavering. 

He swears under his breath before his mouth is on yours, kissing you so deeply that your head spins. You make a mental note to tell him later how absolutely perfect his lips are – how deliciously plump they are, how they feel perfect against yours, how talented they are. You kiss him back, allowing him to steal the air from your lungs as he does it, crowding you up against your front door. 

Your arms wrap around his neck, pulling him closer to you. You push your body against his, surprised at how steady his hands are, while yours feel so desperate, so frenzied, when he reaches for you. 

His hands are all over you, leaving confident, strong touches all over your body: pulling you in closer to him by your hips, stroking up and down your back, sliding underneath the hem of your shirt like he’s already done this with you a thousand times before. With his hands already underneath your shirt, exploring new territory, and his mouth leaving a trail of wet kisses down your neck, his name leaves your lips like something between a sigh and a moan. 

He hums in response, pulling back for a moment. Your heart skips as a beath, as blue eyes lock with yours in a heated, lust-filled standoff. 

“Come with me,” you whisper, causing Luca to move aside, letting you lead him towards your bedroom. 

On the way there, you flip a hallway light on so that you can at least see where you’re going. You feel his fingers tangle with yours as he grabs your hand, his heart pounding in his chest. As soon as you reach your bedroom, you sit him down on your neatly-made bed, before turning on a small, soft, golden lamp that feels like candlelight. 

It’s just enough – more of a nightlight than a lamp, really.

You approach him without a word, and Luca marvels at you. You’re a sight for sore eyes: your hair messy from the heated makeout against your front door, your lips kiss-swollen from the fact that he can barely keep his hands, let alone his mouth off of you, your pupils blow wide with desire for him and only him. You pull your shirt over your head as you climb on to his lap, wrapping your arms around his neck as you press a searing kiss to his lips. 

“My god,” he murmurs, his hands coming up to meet the newly exposed skin. You settle into his lap, pressing your hips against his, arching your back into him in response to each touch. “You are so incredibly beautiful.”

You giggle before thanking him.

“Yeah, and I know that you know you’re hot,” you tease him in between kisses, because the man must know what he looks like, right? Luca mutters something about how he wasn’t trying to solicit a compliment from you as he lays back on your bed, taking you with him.

His hands hungrily grab at exposed flesh: the sides of your back, your breasts, the straps of your bra, just to pull them down enough to think he’s going to take it off. Impatiently, you grind your hips against where a tent in his pants has begun to form, earning a moan from his lips as he bucks his hips up to meet your clothed core. 

“We should um-,” you start, already so turned on by the way Luca’s body moves against yours that you think you should bring this up sooner rather than later. “Things we should talk about….”

“Yes, my love?” Luca asks, grinding against you again. 

You moan in response, throwing your head back as you giggle, knowing that he’s teasing you – testing your patience. 

You settle down, just for a moment, both hands going to his well-toned chest. Luca’s hands still around your hips as you say:

“I have condoms. In my nightstand. And I’m also on the pill. I… just got back on it.” 

Just got back on it when you started seeing him – you know, just in case this became a thing. 

“I haven’t been tested since my yearly physical which was… almost a year ago… but I also haven’t exactly been having sex so,” you add, your eyes flickering away for just a moment before returning to Luca’s very blue ones. 

“That’s very sexy,” he smiles up at you, his hands softly stroking your hips. 

“What?” you ask with a giggle, your teeth sinking into your bottom lip as you shoot him a quizzical look. 

“This… very direct communication,” he replies with a smirk, grinding his hips back up into yours again. 

“Luca!” you squeal in response, catching yourself against him so that you don’t lose your balance. 

He grins before answering, “My last test was three months ago at my yearly physical. Clean bill of health.” He pauses before saying the next thing. 

“And I’m not seeing anyone else.”

You nod, leaning down to kiss him in understanding, “Okay.”

“Okay,” he replies, bringing you down once more for another passionate makeout. 

Luca is right. It’s an even bigger turn on, the open communication, and now that you’ve gotten that conversation out of the way, you’re ready to dive in head first to exactly where you hope this is going. Getting undressed is a sexy, dreamy blur. You’re practically tearing Luca’s shirt over his head, unable to hide the fact that your jaw is near-on the floor as you take it in the hard planes of his abdomen. He expertly removes your bra, and before you know it, he’s gotten you onto your back, and you’re kicking your pants off to the bottom of the bed. 

Luca pins both of your hands to the bed overhead with one of his hands – his fingers laced with some of yours as he holds them in place – while his other hand once again makes its way between your legs. You gasp in anticipation, unable to stop the confession that comes out of your mouth. 

“I haven’t stopped thinking about that. About you. All week,” you whisper, eager to have him touch you again. 

“That so?” Luca asks cockily, in between kisses. 

“Yes,” you gasp, squirming underneath your touch as two his fingers dance over your clothed core. 

From the wetness pooling between your legs up to your clit, the way he touches you sets off sparks all over your body. You pant, unable to think straight as Luca pulls your pantied aside, his fingertips meeting your wetness immediately. He moans in response to this discovery, his forehead pressed against yours, and you cry out when he finally gives you what you’ve been begging for, as he slips a finger into you. 

“Luca,” you sigh, like you’ve gotten the only thing that could remedy your restlessness as of late. 

Luca kisses you again, his tongue slipping into your mouth for a millionth time tonight as he begins sliding his finger in and out of you. 

“You’re so wet, love,” he coos, teasingly, into your mouth. “It’s too easy. The way my fingers slide in and out of you.” He pushes another finger into you, beginning to stretch you again at a deliciously slow pace. “You want me this much?”

And all you can do is moan, arch your back in response to the pleasure he brings you, his hand keeping both of yours above your head while he has you at his mercy. 

“So good,” you cry, as you breathe heavily. “So good. It feels-. Fuck.” 

He chuckles cruelly, breaking the kiss between you as he pulls his fingers from you. You whimper in response, impatiently, greedily. The man has you under a sexual spell and you could care less about anything else right now. 

“I already know how you feel about my fingers. Think I should give you my mouth too, hm?” he rasps, his question anything but rhetorical. 

Luca releases your hands that he’s pinned to the mattress, beginning to kiss down your jaw, your neck, your bare torso, pausing to take each of your nipples into his mouth, his tongue flickering across them like it’s a goddamn preview. 

“I need to hear you say it,” he commands, his voice quiet yet dominant. Luca pauses, his journey south, leaving hot, open mouthed kisses across your belly as he looks up at you with piercing blue eyes. 

“D’you want my mouth? Will you let me taste you?” 

“Please,” you’re too quick, too eager to respond when you’re looking down at him, looking down at the sight before you. 

Without hesitation, Luca tears your panties down your legs, impatiently tossing them behind him. He begins kissing the inside of your right thigh, alternating between soft kisses, and gentle love bites that have you squealing in delight. You let out soft moans in anticipation, sure that whatever happens next will bring you to an early grave. 

A hiss in pleasure escapes your lips as you feel the heat of his breath fan over you, but before your brain can even catch up, Luca’s licking a broad stripe up your core, parting you open for him and only him. 

You cry out, your head thrown back as he buries his face between your legs, tracing fierce abstract shapes over your clit. He moans against you, the vibrations too much as you surrender to him. He alternated between sucking and licking, and it’s not till he’s pushing two fingers back into you that your hands are grasping at the sheets, grabbing at the back of his head as your body writhes in pleasure. 

You can feel it, that spark so deep in your belly, the coil that winds itself so tightly that the only thing it can do to relieve any tension is to snap. 

“Luca. I’m gonna cum,” you beg him, a desperate whine in your voice. “Please don’t stop.” 

He doesn’t. It’s as if he couldn’t bear the thought of it – like he could never be cruel enough to deny you what you’re asking for when your voice sounds so sweet, so desperate, so on fire for him.

Using his fingers and his mouth in tandem, he’s relentless in bringing you to your climax, so determined to keep his name on your lips with every gasp, moan, and exhale.

And god, does he love the way it sounds: when you’re moaning it, when you’re begging him not to stop, when you make it sound like a symphony – like he’s just created a goddamn masterpiece. 

He’s left you breathless, and all you can do is breathe, allowing your brain to catch up with the pleasure your body has just experienced. Luca makes his way back up to you before pressing a searing kiss to your lips. You can taste yourself on his lips, and you have no intention of stopping now. 

You can feel the weight of him as he folds his body over yours. Curious hands begin to move as you become more and more interested in exploring Luca’s body. His muscles flex underneath your fingertips as a reminder of the sheer strength of the man above you. Luca groans as you cup him over his pants, before you begin to undo his pants.

“Do you… want to grab a condom?” he asks softly. 

You pause, your hands to meet his gaze with your own. 

“Uh.. yeah,” you reply. You had every intention of returning the favor, but perhaps that’s something you’ll save for tomorrow. “Let me just um….” 

You sit up, and Luca pulls back, kneeling on the bed as he finishes the job, undoing the button on his pants as you open your nightstand to grab a condom. You place the condom down on the bed next to you, before laying down, your legs spread enough so that Luca can settle between them as you watch him slide his pants and briefs down over his erection. 

Holy. Shit. 

The man’s an adonis. 

And…

Well, you know you shouldn’t be surprised. 

He’s 6’ 3” for godssake. 

But as you see his cock standing tall, hard, precum leaking from the tip, you’re glad you’ve had quite the night of foreplay so far, especially since it’s been a while since you’ve taken a lover. Instead of hesitating, you sit up just for a moment so that you can pull him over you, pulling Luca down to you for a kiss. He’s quick to respond, using one tatted hand to cradle the back of your head, deepening the kiss as he lays over you once again. 

Your right hand makes it way between you, beginning to stroke him, earning a hiss of pleasure from Luca as you wrap your hand around his thick length. He bucks into your hand and you stroke up and down his erection a few times before guiding him towards you, allowing him to use your slick as lubricant as the two of you grind against each. 

You know you should do the responsible thing, but you can’t help wondering what it would feel like too. But there’s time for that. Another time for that… 

As if he’s read your mind, Luca grabs the condom next to you, before sitting up. He carefully rips open the foil packet before tossing it somewhere on the floor, giving both hands the freedom to slide the latex over his hard on. And then he’s back on you, folding his body over yours as you make room for him between your legs, pressing the gentlest kiss to your lips. 

“You sure you want to do this?” he asks, and you think you’ll melt with how damn considerate he is. 

“Yes, baby,” you whisper back, it being the first time you’ve called him that. “Yes.” 

With your ‘yes’ Luca reaches down, pressing his thick tip against your opening, then begins to push in. You both gasp at the contact as he holds your gaze, and you feel the slightest pinch as he stretches you open. Luca caresses the side of your face, watching you for any sign, any kind of reaction that you’d want to stop. He keeps his eyes on you, pushing deeper, and then deeper, till he bottoms out.

Leaning his forehead against yours as he pauses, he’s got to focus on not cumming right then and there. 

“Fuck. You feel so fucking good,” he exhales, letting the way you feel take over him. You’re all warm, wet, pulsing heat and it feels too fucking good. 

You give yourself a moment to adjust to his size, before beginning to give him a few experimental movements, grinding your hips where the two of you are connected. Without having to say a word, Luca understands, dragging his hard length out of you at an unbearably slow pace, before pushing back into you, eliciting moans from the both of you this time. 

“Do that again,” you murmur, your eyes fluttering close and you focus on the delicious drag of his cock. 

He does it again, this time thrusting a little bit harder into you, causing you to moan a little louder this time. His mouth is back on yours as he begins to set a rhythm, thrusting in and out of you while you meet his hips with yours, rocking against him at a pace that matches. It’s as if Luca’s begun to map out your body, wanting to memorize every little thing that makes you tick, that makes you scream, causes you to grasp at any grabbable surface – the sheets, his hair, his back. 

His mouth is back on yours, swallowing your moans as he continues to fuck you. You’ve settled into a rhythm that feels just right – something that you can get completely lost in. It could be minutes, hours, days that you’ve been here, chasing mutual pleasure, wrapped up in each other’s arms like you need it to breathe. The way he moves against you is strong, yet gentle as Luca makes love to you, whispering the filthiest things into your mouth, into your ears, the soft canvas of your skin, as if he’s engraving them in stone.

You take me so well. So fucking pretty like this. My beautiful girl. 

“Luca,” you gasp, as he gives you a particularly euphoric thrust. 

“Hm?” he hums in response. 

“Let me ride you,” you request, your eyelids heavy as he stays close to you. 

“Yeah?” he asks you, one expressive eyebrow raising up. 

“Yeah,” you nod. 

Luca kisses you deeply before pausing, pulling out of you and rolling over onto his back. He thinks he’s died and gone to heaven as he watches you climb on top of him, your disheveled sex hair and desire to fuck him seem to awaken something primal in him. As you hover over him, your knees framing his hips, you line yourself up with him before taking him once again. 

Luca groans, letting his hands trace gentle patterns up and down your body – his hands smooth over your ass and caress your breasts, as calloused fingertips drag across your stomach, your shoulders, your ribcage – as if he's writing a love letter against your skin. 

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he says, his voice low and gravelly. 

He moans, closing his eyes as you begin moving your hips over him, forward and back, beginning to ride him like you’d asked to earlier. Large hands make their way to your hips, as you continue your movements, this time leaning down to kiss him. Luca moans into your mouth as your tongues tangle together, your hips never ceasing their grind against him. 

It feels too good. 

You feel too good.

You break the kiss this time, placing your hands on Luca’s chest for leverage as you begin to speed up your pace, letting out a moan as you fuck yourself on your lover. Back arched, hair messy, and your head thrown back, you’re completely lost in the way that he feels inside of you. 

“Look at you,” Luca marvels, hands everywhere as you bring yourself closer to your second orgasm of the night. “My god, love.” 

And before you know it, Luca’s sitting up, sitting tall, wrapping one of his long arms around your torso while the other braces against the bed behind him. He’s thrusting his hips up into you, his hand moving to the small of your back to keep you in perfect harmony with him. The way he hits the back of you with each thrust, how deep he is, how good it feels has you so, so close for the second time tonight. You cry out in response to a particularly hard thrust as your body slumps, resting your forehead against Luca’s shoulder. 

You are no longer in control. It’s funny really – and sweet – that he let you think even for a second that you could be. But when he’s bouncing you up and down like this over his hard length, thrusts becoming more erratic, more chaotic, sloppier, you have no choice but to surrender to him. You hold onto his back and his shoulders for dear life as he fucks up into you and you can tell he’s close too. 

“God, you’re so good. You’re so fucking good at this,” you whine, all nerves, and explosive pleasure behind your admission. 

“I’m close. Baby, are you-?” Luca struggles to get out, the tension in his brow telling you everything you need to know. 

“Yes. Harder. Fuck. I’m gonna cum,” you sob, sure that your neighbors will send you the dirtiest or looks when you run into them in the hallway tomorrow. 

You cry out as his fingers return to your clit, rubbing hasty circles against you in an effort to take you there with him. All you can do is moan as you busy your mouth with leaving kisses and love bites against his shoulders and chest. 

It’s somehow too much and not enough all at once as your orgasm rips through you, your entire body contracting against his. You bite down on Luca’s shoulder, and you think the pain and pleasure combined is what gets him across the finish line as he fucks you through your climax. Before you can properly come down, it’s one, two, and then a third hard thrust up into you before he lets out a primal grunt, pressing your hips down hard against his. 

Luca stills inside of you, panting as the ripples of pleasure course through his body, his ears ringing from how hard he came. His eyes meet yours, and he chuckles, moving a piece of hair from your face before tucking it behind your ear. 

“Hi,” he smiles, watching you carefully. 

“How ya doin?” you ask him, teasingly. 

He shakes his head with a laugh before pulling you towards him so that he can kiss you once again. 

“I’m great,” he answers, in between kisses. 

“Me too,” you agree as your lips curl into a smile against his. You press one more kiss to his lips before pulling back. As you climb off of his lap, allowing him to slip out of you, the two of you hit the mattress like you’ve just run a marathon. 

“Come here, love,” he says, encouraging you closer to him. 

More than happy to oblige, you curl up to his side, one of your legs wrapping around his as you lay on your side. You giggle, settling into the softness of moment, pressed up against the guy that just fucked your brains out. 

“What?” he asks, in regards to your laugh. 

“I just-,” you start, before giggling again. “That was really hot.”

Luca gives you a comforting squeeze, hugging you closer to him as you relax even further into his body. 

“Yeah it was,” he agrees, a grin spreading across his lips. 

He looks over at you to see that you’re on your way to being fast asleep. You’ve closed your eyes, so perfectly tucked underneath his arm as you rest against his body. Luca places a gentle kiss on top of your head as he grins to himself again. He’s not sure what to call it – this thing he’s feeling – because it’s too soon to call it anything, but whatever it is, he knows that his friend was right: 

He’s a goner. 

-------------------------------

Luca doesn’t know what he did in a past life to deserve this, but as he watches you take him into your mouth, he knows he must’ve done something right. Your name escapes his lips like a prayer as you spend your morning going down on him, completely incapable of ignoring the hard-on you woke up to minutes ago.

You’d promptly pushed him onto his back before asking if you could. 

And who was he to say no?

“Shit,” he hisses, as your tongue runs over the head of his hard, leaking cock.

“Wait, just-. I don’t want to cum yet. I-,” Luca stammers out, using all of his self control not to cum in your mouth right then and there. “I want to fuck you again.” 

His words shoot straight to your core as you release him, climbing back over his body and letting him roll you onto your back. 

“Do you want me to grab a condom?” he asks you, nipping at your jaw as his fingers discover that you’re already ready for him. 

His words from last night echo in your head: 

And I’m not seeing anyone else. 

“No,” you say, immediately searching his face for some kind of negative reaction. “Is that okay?” 

He nods, one side of his mouth turns up into that crooked smile that makes your heart race. 

“Fuck,” he rasps, his head spinning as he lines himself up with your entrance, beginning to push in. 

“Of course it is, love.”

[justalia]

address the feeling

recently i’ve been thinking about my understandings of the law and i decided to read again some of the stuff i read at the beginning of my journey. i’m glad i did because i now have a deeper understanding of what i thought i understood before, but actually never truly grasped its full meaning.

i have to be honest with you sometimes i still have my moments of anxiety, i still have my mind wondering if i’m doing things right and once in a while i still ask myself if i’m doing enough. shocking right? from my posts you may be thinking that there’s no one that understands the law better than me and you may be thinking “she must have the most perfect self concept i can’t wait to get there”

truth is: we are all humans at the end of the day and we are gonna have our moments, no one is better than anybody and the fact that my posts have helped people fill my heart with joy because i do not think of myself as a teacher, i merely try to share the notes of what i studied for myself and try to write it in a way that can reach anyone easily.

i haven’t felt inspired to post something in a while now, i was just numb cause i thought “there’s nothing else i could possibly share my thoughts on” and i have drafts of posts i have started writing but never finished because i didn’t feel called to do it and i don’t like to force myself to write something.

all my posts come from a burst of inspiration and i write them all at once (or at least i try) seizing the moment in which i feel the most inspired.

this being said what i’m about to address in this post is probably the most important teaching i have come across while reading the source and reading some material again has struck me with inspiration.

————————————————————————

“feeling is the secret.”

what does that mean?

to say that feeling is the secret is to say that feeling is the womb in which all things are born, when felt an idea has to be expressed whether you like it or not, unless you change the feeling and fuse your imagination with its opposite.

you see your physical world has no way of existing if it wasn’t for your imagination, it reflects that and the ideas you believe to be true.

“yeah alia you’ve said that”

i know i know, i have addressed this, these are the basics, but bear with me.

pay attention to what i’ve just said “it reflects the ideas you believe to be true”.

how tiring does that sound? does that mean we have to change our beliefs? does that mean we have to do shadow work and see what ingrained belief we have to dismount?

it doesn’t.

self is what we believe to be true and what gets reflected? self.

inevitably when we start to think about this we think we have to find a magical way to change our beliefs and to trick our mind into believing something new about ourselves or we pretend in hopes to fake it till we make it. we begin this journey prepared to train ourselves, prepared to do dozens of techniques and we fill ourselves with hope.

self is what we believe to be true in this world of imagination, our beliefs get reflected and this is why not every single thing we imagine gets reflected. yes, imagination gets always reflected and it happens instantly, but for that to happen you must believe in the reality of said idea.

what is a belief?

a belief is something, an idea, a concept YOU feel to be true. you is the key word because the sole operant power is you, in your life your world operates according to your assumptions, in your life there is no other creator but imagination, YOUR imagination.

a belief is something you feel to be true because a belief it’s just an idea and it’s powerless until we feel it to be true.

why do we feel it to be true? we decide it is.

you decided that your friend was rude to you because they don’t want to be your friend anymore; you decided that your partner was losing feelings because they were distant one day; you decided you were going to fail the test even if days away because you didn’t feel good enough.

you decided the reason your friend was rude to you was because they didn’t want to be your friend anymore, even if just yesterday they asked you to hang out.

you decided the reason your partner was acting a bit distant today was because they are losing feelings, even if just yesterday they said how much they loved you and bought you flowers.

you decided you were going to fail the test before you even started studying for it because you decided you weren’t smart enough, even if the last test you did went beautifully.

you have been making decisions dismissing the senses your whole life and probably occupying states that do not serve you at all without even realizing it. you have misused your power for so many years it feels too good to be true to finally realize it’s all in your hands.

to decide that your friend was rude because they don’t want to be your friend is just as easy as deciding they just had a bad day and accept that as true.

to decide that your partner is losing feelings because they are acting a bit distant today is just as easy as deciding they just were busy today and accept that as true.

to decide that you’re going to pass the test and that you are smart enough is just as easy to accept as true.

how? how can i accept that as true if reality is showing me the opposite? how can i accept it as true if i failed in the past?

we always disregard appearances, we always disregard and dismiss the senses and accept things as true based on our imagination. there is no outside reality because the true reality is within and as within so without. you accepted it as true and now it is expressing in your life, your mirror is just reflecting what you decided to be true, you had no other proof when you started assuming those negative things about yourself and about others.

think about it! when you first started worrying your partner was losing feelings, did you have proof of it? did you have concrete proof that made you think they wanted to dump you? i think you made an assumption, decided it was true hoped with all your heart it wasn’t, but felt it to be true and soon you were provided with proof and there you go: “just like i thought”.

you decide everything all the damn time!! trust me this is nothing new, the thing is that when it comes to positive things we want to believe to be true we think we need proof, and what is proof? the permission to believe something as true. the 3D never played a part in this, when it came to you assuming negative things about yourself or about others you didn’t think about how it wasn’t true on the outside, did you? when you started feeling insecure in your relationship and worried they would dump you, did you think about how it wasn’t “real” on the outside? did you worry about how the outside was opposite so it couldn’t possibly be true?

no, you didn’t.

you decided it was true, trusted it, dismissed the senses even when completely opposite and soon enough the universe, god, whatever you believe in, provided proof for you.

the power we have is the power of dismissing the senses, the power of deciding what is true or not. and you do that using imagination as your instrument. yes, imagination gets expressed but imagination is not just the silly little scenarios you make up, imagination is your mental activity and what gets expressed is what you believe to be true in imagination.

again when it came to negative stuff you were well aware that the outside was opposite from what you believed to be true but you didn’t care one bit and it still manifested into your life. your lover was distant one day, you assumed they lost feelings, the next day they tell you how much they love you and you assume they are lying, you assume the outside isn’t as true as what you believe to be true inside.

you sustain that feeling, you trust it, and it gets expressed.

you never actually waited to look at your partner and see them telling you they were losing feelings before you assumed they were. you never worried about what the 3D was showing you, you never CARED for it.

when you assume something new about yourself and you imagine yourself to already be the one you wish to be you do so because by imagining you are experiencing it in the true reality. imagining it to be already realized helps because your imagination is a tool, it’s an instrument that makes it easier to trust the new idea you decided to assume about yourself because you actually experienced it.

when you imagine yourself in a new state and you do so by, for example, conjuring up a scene, you do so because you want to experience what you desire. you want to live it, you want to experience it and feel it to be true, that’s what the scenes are for, you visualize a scene that implies your objective realized and you indulge in that peacefully enjoying it.

you don’t have to necessarily visualize scenes, affirm, or do this or that technique. these are just tools, methods you can use to use your imagination in a way that is most comfortable to you. for example i am naturally a visualizer so to get myself in a new state sometimes i find it helpful to conjure up a scene that implies my objective realized and experience it, i enjoy it fully and when i open my eyes i trust the implications of that scene to be true, i just experienced it, who’s gonna tell me i didn’t?

what you need more than anything is to give yourself permission to trust in the reality of imagination, that’s the only thing you need.

yes, you are allowed to believe you are good enough for that job; you are allowed to believe you are safe and secure in relationships; you are allowed to believe anything you want no matter how far fetched it might seem.

you can be so bold with your scenes, or your affirmations. you imagine the most perfect scene or say the most wonderful affirmations but i dare you to be as brave with feeling as you are with your scenes and your words.

i dare you to accept it is true, i dare you to believe it is true because you said it is, and then again i’m not talking about the outside!!! i’m talking about imagination because imagination is the only reality. if it is true in imagination and it is because you can just DECIDE it is, then it’s truth. there’s nothing more to do on your part, you just sustain that state and everything else will take care of itself.

free yourself entirely in your mind and accept as truth whatever you desire to be true about yourself, you can imagine yourself to be confident, smart, beautiful, loved, cared for and you can give yourself permission to accept it to be true inside of imagination and see yourself exactly how you want to see yourself.

stop caring about how it’ll happen or if it will happen or what will happen and just FEEL.

FEEL WHATEVER YOU TRULY WANT TO FEEL.

address the feeling

what do i mean by that?

pay attention to your mental activity for one day and see where your mind wonders naturally, that will tell you your current state.

let’s say you get ugly thoughts, you think you’re not enough and that you are going to fail the test you have in two weeks. pay attention to your mental activity and see how the thoughts FOLLOW the feeling, and not viceversa. first you get the feeling of unworthiness and then you start thinking “i’m not enough i will fail i can’t do this”, there is no inherent truth in those thoughts.

it may be difficult to notice at first but everything starts from a feeling and then the thoughts follow. there is no thought you have to flip because they hold no truth and no power by themselves, they are simply a manifestation of your FEELING.

fearful feeling gives birth to fearful thoughts. anxious feeling gives birth to anxious thoughts. lonely feeling gives birth to thoughts of loneliness. insecure feeling gives birth to insecure thoughts.

the only reason why you believe something to be true is because you FEEL it. there’s no actual truth in those fearful, anxious, insecure thoughts.

YOU FELT FEAR and the fearful thoughts came along and then you started worrying about them manifesting into your life. YOU FELT INSECURE and the thoughts of insecurity and unworthiness came alone and you started feeling bad about yourself and unworthy of your desire.

just as easily as you felt insecure you can feel secure, just as easily as you felt fear you can feel safe.

you create the feeling you desire to feel and you indulge in that, you FEEL it because why would you deny yourself of such experience if you can have it?

why would you deny yourself from experiencing what you want in your own mind? why would you create blockages? why don’t you feel what you want to feel? because you are scared? scared of what? of it not working? working for what?

this is not a method for fuck’s sake. this is not a technique!!! this is how you are living, this is how you have lived and how you’ll always live.

change your feeling, allow yourself to feel what you want to feel and thoughts will naturally come from that, and from thoughts will come actions and from actions will come events. NATURALLY.

there’s no work on your part, meaning that you don’t have to worry about what you need to think or do, you will naturally do that. and this goes for opposite action too: if you’re manifesting to pass all your tests with straight A’s and you go and decide to sit on your ass all day without studying you are still messing with the how! you are pretending you have something IN THE MIRROR when you DON’T! you have it in imagination ONLY. your job is to change self and you don’t change self by pretending or acting as if you have something in the mirror.

your job is to simply FINALLY give yourself permission to actually FEEL.

[johnwickb1tsch]

bittersweet ~ a yandere!John Wick x fem!reader sunshine/grump coffee shop AU... Part 4 all chapters

Winter is making you stir crazy, so on your day off you decide to go for a hike on one of the copious mountain trails around your town. There’s still snow on the ground, and in the middle of the day you seem to have the woods nearly to yourself.

You like being by yourself.

The mountain is quiet, but for the wind in the trees and some determinedly chipper little birds chirping.

You nearly have a heart attack when you round a bend, and there is a large figure in all black. For a split-second you mistake him for a bear, before you realize it’s Mr. Wick.

“Jesus, you scared me,” you huff.

“Sorry,” he says, seeming genuinely apologetic.

“Where’s Dog?”

“I left him at home. Too cold.”

You like it, that he considered Dog’s comfort in the matter.

With a small frown he peers around you. “Are you alone?”

“Yes. I hike alone all the time.”

You hope he will spare you the lecture, even if it secretly pleases you that he is a little worried for you.

He sighs a little. “I wish you wouldn’t. You never know who you might run into out here.”

You cant your head, finding this statement slightly ironic, considering.

“I can handle myself. You’re looking at a junior Tae Kwon Do black belt, I’ll have you know.” The latter you deliver with a sassy grin, because even though it has come in useful on a few occasions, in the real world you know it doesn’t mean shit. You were just a child, and it was a long time ago.

This actually succeeds in winning you what is nearly a full-on smile, for him. “Well then. Remind me not to piss you off.”

The thought is absurd to you. You’re no willowy waif by far, but you can tell right now that this totally fit—and fine as fuck, if you’re being honest—man could snap you like a twig, if he wanted to. You snort in answer.

“I’m sure it won’t come up.”

He levels you with a long look then, that you don’t entirely understand.  

“So…you like hiking in the cold?” you ask, suddenly feeling a little awkward.

“I guess I’m used to it,” he answers. “I was born in Belarus.”

“Oh.” There is no hint of accent in his words. You reason he must have come to America at a very young age.

“And you?”

“I was not born in Belarus,” you confirm. It’s his turn to huff, and your heart skitters in your chest when he takes a step closer. He veritably looms over you, so tall and broad shouldered. You have a moment of clarity in which it really sinks in that you are totally alone out on the quiet mountain with this man, and he really could do anything he wants with you.

The thought titillates more than it disturbs, and maybe you have a screw loose.

“You’re a cheeky girl, aren’t you?”

There is a look in his eye, and for a moment you think he’s going to bend down to you. Crazier yet, you would have let him. But his hands remain in the pockets of his expensive down coat. The weight of his gaze alone is enough to make you feel as though he’s touched you, and you narrowly suppress a shudder.

It’s not because of the crisp mountain wind.  

“So I’ve heard. I don’t like the cold,” you answer his real question. “But I do like the snow.”

He frowns a little. “How does that work out?”

“It’s an aesthetic thing.”

“Ah. Your artist’s eye.”

“I guess.”

“You’re very good.”

It is, in fact, freezing cold out there in the woods, but suddenly you feel warm, standing there with him, basking in his praise.

“You’re kind.”

He tilts his head, his hair falling in his eyes. “Not really,” he says, and it almost sounds like a warning. “But maybe, just for you. Can I walk with you?”

You were enjoying your solo excursion, but you find yourself nodding in agreement, unable to turn down the opportunity to spend time with your mysterious but favorite customer from the coffee shop.  

“Ok. Are you making the loop?”

“Partly. My house isn’t far from the north fork of the trail.”

“Ah.” He must have just moved into one of the insanely expensive mansions tucked back in the woods, you reason.

It’s too cold to stand around and talk, so you hit the trail together. His legs are long, boy are they, but he matches his pace to stay with you. You don’t say much, but you enjoy each other’s company in the outdoors. You follow the line of a steep bluff on one side, old growth trees towering all around. It’s not a sunny day, but still bright from the freshly fallen snow. Later the forecast calls for more.

When you slide a little on an icy rock he makes a grab for you, and suddenly you do find yourself tucked in against the hard line of his side. It wasn’t entirely necessary—you’re wearing knobby boots, and you would have landed on your feet.

But it is endearing that he was worried for you.

The strength in his grip squeezing you steals your breath away. You only manage to get out a wheezy, “Thanks.”

He acknowledges your gratitude with a grumble, releasing you almost as quickly as he grabbed you. You get the sense that he is annoyed, somehow. You, however, know the memory of his body against yours is going to haunt your dreams that night.

Suddenly too warm, you unzip your jacket a little.

When you reach the trail marker for the north fork that will take him closer to home you look at him, expecting to say goodbye, certain he will be glad to be rid of you. But he keeps walking. “I'll get you to your car,” he says. 

“You don't have to do that.” 

“I want to,” he insists. “If you don't mind?” He’s softened again to you, for whatever reason, and you swear his moods could give you whiplash. Having this man to yourself for another mile isn’t the worst way you've spent an afternoon. 

“Ok, if you insist.” 

When you get to the parking lot, there is a shifty pair of guys hanging out in a beat-up Dodge van that might as well have “FREE CANDY” spray painted on the side panel. You look to John curiously, who is staring down the driver with a hard look in his eyes. Even though that look isn’t directed at you, it gives you a little chill.

The man behind the wheel confers with his bearded companion, and they decide to start up and chug away. 

You feel like you narrowly missed a passing danger, like a shark swum past your hiding spot in the reef.

“How... did you know?” 

“Seen them around the past week or so. Maybe promise me no more solo hikes until they move on?” 

“Yeah. Ok.” Maybe they were just two guys down on their luck hanging out in a van…but they definitely gave you the creeps.

“Can I give you a lift home?” He would have miles to go, uphill, in the bitter cold otherwise. 

“Thanks.” 

You pause at your late model Rav4, kind of embarrassed. He drives a very nice black Range Rover, and though your car is a soldier, bless all four of its cylinders, it kind of looks like a piece of shit. “Um...sorry,” you say, moving some books out of the passenger seat.

However, he seems non plussed. 

“No worries. Thanks for the ride.”

You start the engine, letting it warm up a little. He rubs his hands together, blowing on his fingers. “So…do you pick up strangers from the woods often?”

You laugh quietly. “You’re not that strange.”

 He tilts his head in that way that makes you feel unnervingly seen.

“You don't really know me, y/n.”

Why do you feel like he's trying to warn you?

“So... you’re saying I should make you walk back up the mountain in the freezing cold?” 

His low laughter tugs at your insides, making unbidden warmth spread through you.

“No, now that I'm here that really doesn't sound appealing.” 

You dare to wonder if he means here, with you.

“Ok then.” You put the Rav4 in drive. “Where are we headed?”

[sl0t4matt]

could you do a fic w hector fort where him and the reader get a matching tattoo please? like something little or whatever you want hehe

h. fort | girl with the tattoo

thank you sm for requesting, i love this request! i only know very few things from friends abt tattoos so i hope i got everything right.

“hi baby how was training?” you ask hector as he slumps down the couch next to you, immediately snuggling up on you.

“it was fine. i would’ve rather stayed with you though.” he admits, laying his head on top of your lap.

you move your hands to his curls playing with them. you absolutely loved playing with his hair, since it was always perfectly curled and done. “don’t let xavi hear that.” you chuckle.

he starts grinning a little too suspicious.

“oh god, what have you done again you idiot.” with that look he must’ve done something, you thought. he smirks. “what do you mean?”

“do not play with me right now, hector. tell me!” you roll your eyes at his annoyingness.

“you know i love when you’re demanding, ma.” he winks liking his lips. you stand up not being able to deal with him right now. he knows exactly how impatient you are. he just loves pushing your buttons.

he won’t tell you. fine! he takes ahold of your wrist, immediately pulling you back.

“okay, okay i’ll tell you.” you sigh sitting back down. he smiles. “hector i swear-.”

“chill, i’m sure you’re gonna like it.” he interrupts you quickly. you furrow at him. what the hell could he mean? “okay so i got an appointment at the tattoo studio.”

“nice. what are you gonna get?” he smirks. “you mean what are we gonna get.”

“what?!” you’ve always wanted to get a tattoo but because of your school schedule you never got to doing it . you honestly also kept forgetting tbh but obviously hector didn’t.

“well i wanted to get your eyes tatted because you know how much i love them, but then i thought ‘oh y/n always wanted to get a tattoo’ so i thought why not just take you with me and we’ll get a matching one.” this boy is something else.

you grin so hard, it hurts. hector has always been affectionate moments like these remind you how much he truly is your soulmate. you jump on top of him shooting him with kisses. “i literally love you, you know that right.” he nods, laughing. “i love you too.”

“when is the appointment?” you ask. “7pm.” he shrugs. “are you serious! i don’t even know what we’re gonna get!!” you sigh, shaking your head at how your boyfriend can be so slow at times.

“we’ll get angel numbers of course. you’re a big astro girl.” hector says, referring to the time you first met him. (your first question being what his star sign is.) “wait, that’s actually a good idea.” he smiles smugly. “i know.”

…

“is it gonna hurt?” you ask hector as you enter the studio. “you don’t want me to be honest, ma.” you sigh. hector takes your hand. “i’ll go first if you want.” he says. you nod. you never had a big fear of needles. you yourself having a belly button piercing but a tattoo is different the pain is there for a while whereas when you get pierced it’s more like a poke.

you get in walking to the woman behind the counter.

“hi, we got an appointment for 7pm.” i smile at her. “of course. come with me.” she smiles back, bringing the both of you to the guy that does hector’s tattoos.

a bigger man with a beard greets us which you assume is the tattoo artist. he doesn’t quiet look scary though rather like a big teddy bear with lots of tattoos.

“the girl who’s eyes you’re getting tatted on?” he grins at hector. “yeah.” he smiles turning to look at you. hector isn’t very social with people he isn’t extremely close with, so he tries to keep his conversation as short as possible. you think it’s quiet ironic since you never seem to shut up, no matter who you’re talking to. they say opposites attract though!

he pulls out a picture handing it to him. the man nods, giving you a quick smile then takes his stuff out.

you follow hector as he sits down on a chair, extending his arm. he shows the guy where he wants it and how big it should be. the man doesn’t waste time and directly goes on tattooing him.

you sit beside him, squeezing his other hand, you being more scared of the pain he must be going through than hector himself is.

“you’re fine.” you stroke his hand, looking at him seriously concerned. “stop it you’re gonna make me laugh.” he mumbles. he’s so unserious.

it must not bother him much since he grimaces and curses on a few spots but keeps cool most of the time.

after him also getting the angel number tatto that is supposed to match with you, it’s finally your turn.

you’re pretty sure you’re gonna piss your pants as you wait in the room alone with hector because you’re so nervous. you don’t know how you’re gonna live to see see the next day after this. “you’ll be fine. it’s bad at first but you’ll get used to it. also i’m here for you, ma.” he tries cheering you up. “fucking hell.” you mutter. you’re probably going to experience the worst pain in your life here.

“are you ready?” the guy asks. with nodding your head, you go to sit on the same place hector sat when he got the tattoo.

you grip hector’s hand tightly, breaking it almost.

hector kisses the side of your face, whispering sweet words in your ear, trying to distract you from the needle that currently goes in and out of you.

“fuck.” you mutter through gritted teeth. “you’re doing so good, baby.” hector whispers. you bite your lip so hard you start tasting blood. “you wanna take a break?” the tattooer you now know as chris says. you shake your head, wanting it to end as soon as possible.

hector hates to see you like this: in pain. he hopes for it to end as soon as possible, the only thing he’s been wanting to do while you got tattooed being showering you with loving kisses, but he didn’t for the sake of chris since he’s sure he wouldn’t want to see a whole teen kissing session.

“it hurts so bad, hector.” you cry out. he moves stands of hair out of your face then cupping your face gently. “i know, baby but you got this.” he nods. the thing is you weren’t even being dramatic for once. this had the be the most hurting feeling you’ve ever experienced.

“we’re done!” chris pats your arm after he was done. your eyes meet with hectors, smiling lightly. you definitely knew you’re going to thank him at home for how he was there for you in this entire process.

[marvel-ous-m]

Eddie Munson’s Guide for How to Adopt a Jock in Four Easy Steps (3/5)

Part One

Part Two

Part Four

AO3 Link

A.N.- shorter chapter today, but the next two chapters make up more than half of the rest of my google doc! So I promise that it’s worth it, lol. Enjoy!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Eddie, I’m going to need you to repeat what you just told me, because I know for a fact that I didn’t hear you correctly. I couldn’t have.” Grant crossed his arms angrily, leveling Eddie with his best intimidating glare. 

“I know it sounds crazy, but I need you to trust me on this. Steve is… fuck man, he’s not in a good place, okay? So yeah, he’s sleeping in the Hellfire room right now. Before you come for my throat, I need you to think about this.” Eddie held out his hands, counting on his fingers as he went through his reasoning. “His parents haven’t been home in three months. Hagan abandoned him last year, Nancy broke up with him then hooked up with Jonathan Byers, Billy beat the shit out of him this weekend, he isn’t sleeping, he has no one. He’s an outcast, just like the rest of us.” 

“So this is the perfect opportunity to get back at him.” Gareth muttered under his breath, crossing his arms. 

Eddie turned to the youngest member of their party, raising an eyebrow. “I know that his type like to pick on you Freshmen, but that’s not how we do things here, Gar-bear.” Eddie sighed then, pinching the bridge of his nose. “It’s easy to get back at people in times like this, but that would make us no better than them.” Eddie turned back to the entire group then, shaking his head at the three of them. “You guys didn’t see him. It was bad… I mean, if I’m being honest, it was a little scary.”

“So what are you proposing?” Jeff finally spoke, looking up from where he was previously staring at the linoleum floor of the hallway outside the drama room.

“Just let him sit next to me and watch the game today. Be civil. Don’t tease him, don’t make snide comments- just don’t be assholes. If things go well after today we’ll talk about bringing him in permanently.”

“Permanently?!” 

“Eddie, I mean this when I say it, you are certifiably insane.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.” 

“Shut up!” Eddie shrieked and held his hands up, effectively quieting the uproar from his group of misfits. “Just- look, if you fuck this up I’ll TPK this whole campaign- which, honestly, is probably more of a punishment for me because I’ve been working on this campaign for about a month, but I digress. Give. The guy. A chance.” 

Grant, Gareth, and Jeff looked at one another. They always seemed to be able to have a conversation without speaking (and that conversation usually was centered around some shit Eddie was pulling). Finally, Jeff nodded at Eddie. “Alright, we’ll give him a chance. BUT only on the condition that each of our characters starts with a rare magic item.”

Eddie huffed out a quiet laugh, nodding at the three boys. “Yeah, sure, whatever. I’ll add them to your character sheets before we start.”

Jeff blinked in surprise and looked at both Gareth and Grant, then back at Eddie. “Even though the magic items may not make sense with your campaign?” 

“You’re the ones asking for ‘em.” Eddie shrugged, then pulled the lanyard out of his pocket. “Okay, just gimme like, ten minutes, then you can come in.” As Eddie walked away, he could’ve sworn he heard the boys whispering about a giant crush and him being head over heels. Eddie scoffed to himself. He could never fall for Steve- what with Steve’s stupid big eyes and his floppy hair and his dorky polos. Eddie unlocked the door, rolling his eyes as he did. Him falling for Steve. As if. 

Steve sat up from his space in the corner when the door opened, instantly relaxing when he saw who it was. The jock rubbed at his eyes, humming sleepily. “Hey Eds. S’it time for Hellfire ‘lready?” 

Steve’s hair was a mess, his polo was sideways, his eyes were tired and a blanket was hunched around his shoulders. He was… actually kind of adorable. Eddie smiled at him and could’ve sworn he felt a flutter in his chest. 

Oh no.

Oh no no no.  

He had a crush on Steve Harrington. 

...Shit.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A.N.: this tag list has grown so much! I’m sorry if I forgot to add you if you requested it or if you didn’t end up on here, there were some accounts that were giving me trouble. Thanks again for all the support!

@ellietheasexylibrarian @cuips-not-cute @melodymeddler @i-have-three-feelings @sc00ps-ahoy @singmeyoursimpsong @patchworkgargoyle @spectrum-spectre @devondespresso @thesuninyaface @obsessivlyme @angeldreamsoffanfic @carlyv @nburkhardt @inspirationorinsanity @rebelspykatie @my2amgaythoughts @lavenderagenda @just-a-tiny-void @mamafaithful @breadboi66 @beholdingloser @randomfandomcontent @oftirnanog @yellowdevilkitten @steves-strapcollection @keep-er-steddie @cinnamon-mushroomabomination @bisexualdisastersworld @jinxjinn @copingmechanizm @blackpanzy @failedstarsandgoldenclouds @evix-syne666 @crisisinverted17 @satan-is-obsessed @shrimply-a-menace @anaibis @trashcanniballecter  @thoughtfulbreadpolice @awholedamnmesstbh @chaoticvictorianspirit @jcmadgirl 

[lovelykhaleesiii]

Merhaba!

If you feel uncomfortable, you can delete this request!

Warning: non-con, toxic behavior, baby trapping?

Request here! for a modern dark!aegon, where the reader has been his friend for a long time and aegon has a horrible dependency on her, as well as an obsession and mostly never lets anyone near her, since he sees her as his, anyway, the reader one day tells him she is accepted for a scholarship in another country but he gets mad because she is going to leave him so he forces her to have sex with him and also hopes to get her pregnant so she will never leave him.

you’re so cute nonnie!!!!! this is totally fine, I don’t normally write for non-con, but I’ll let this slide cause it’s kinda hot 🥵 I’m combining it with this ask, and leaning more towards a dub-con, manipulation tactic of dark!Aegon!!! hope you enjoy xx

quote in the link above is - "gentle, slow manipulation - "just a kiss" to "I'll only grind against you" to "only the tip, promise" to "just a little more" to "I won't cum inside" until you're a cum-filled wreck underneath them."

Dilemmas & Dreams.

PAIRING: Dark!Modern!Aegon ii Targaryen x fem!Reader

WORDS: 4,179.

WARNINGS: swearing, angst, co-dependency, somnophilia, dub-con, slight mentions of non-con, mentions of pregnancy, time jumps.

A/N - so this took me forever cause it was a hard concept to plot. tried to make it more dub-con/non-con but still slightly consensual, just because I do not condone using violence for sex. but dark!Aeg is just my intrusive thots. I also did not include my taglists, just cause I did not want to trigger or force anyone to feel the need to read this, if it isn't your thing <3 no pressure. this is for a specific audience.

It was an universal understanding that relationships could get complicated from time to time, to say at the very least... This did not cease with your unique relationship with Aegon.

With every fibre in your heart, you love him dearly, and that [if you were being honest], would never change. He generally was not the ideal type of man you'd pursue [as you had initially assumed] nor did you think it was even a realistic possibility to fall for his type. Likewise, you did no think of yourself as his particular type, although Aegon was less picky than you when it came to finding a mate. Yet he had this almost omnipotent-like power over you. Luring you farther and deep enough, he kept you eagerly lingering for more: for more of his touch, his scent, his love and affections. An urge you attempted countless of times to keep silenced and at bay, and yet you felt the constant, probing need to keep the man sated.

With many of your short, previous relationships, you'd never granted a man the opportunity to bear such a profound effect on you, nor did any of them truly possess the charisma Aegon had naturally wielded. It was all very consuming and perplexing, yet a part of you quite enjoyed the crisp attention Aegon showered you with in return for your loyalty and commitment to him. Your long-time warfare of constantly seeking approval and praise did not help the situation either, only exploiting your vulnerability more, as you vowed to refuse disappointing the man at all costs.

And from what you had learnt and could decipher about Aegon's history, he had never grown this infatuated with another before, let alone actually granted himself the opportunity to have a significant other. His previous flings had been fleeting and meaningless, only to glutton himself off of sex, inflating his subtle ego. However, you, you had caught him off-guard. A fellow colleague and long-time friend of Aemond's, you had met mutually. You knew of each other, though had never truly met, for Aemond was desperate to keep some distance between yourself and his elder brother. He had mentioned many things about Aegon, not all good, yet you knew better than to judge or presume. In theory, you were both quite the opposites, yet something about you, your innocence, warm demeanour drew him to you, like a moth to a flame. From the many family quarrels Aemond had disclosed to you, it seemed Aegon was problematic with some sort of self-conflict from within. He struggled with certain tendencies such as drinking, partying, avoiding responsibilities, yet nonetheless, he was still pretty decent and respectful towards you. Helplessly though, you felt an immense pity for him, even if Aemond argued against it, perhaps it was your nativity: regardless, the more Aegon latched himself closer towards you, the better he became. More present at home, the less he drank and spent his days hungover and pissed, the less hostile he was towards his family.

Although, he remained a pest towards his younger brothers, Aemond and Daeron, occasionally taunting them. Not to mention, he did go against Aemond's urges to leave you alone.

"Aeg, Y/N's off limits. I have never asked of anything from you, nor have I ever really expected anything from you, if I'm being honest. But, I digress, she is off limits. Understood?"

"Why, have you finally grown the balls to actually ask her out? Or you scared she'll actually say yes to the likes of me?"

"OFF LIMITS Aeg! I fucking mean it!"

"No, no- How about I date Y/N instead, and in return I leave you alone? See now that sounds like an even better deal to me, brother."

Not to mention, you were undeniably a sight for sore eyes, beautiful nonetheless, he was determined to have you. The thought that someone else could pluck you from him at any given second, not excluding his younger brother, began to stir something rageful inside of him. The more time he spent around you, the more possessive he could feel himself becoming. A side he did not fathom existed in him, yet you had so ignorantly ignited. Although, he relished in it. Eventually, and much to Aemond's reluctance he inserted himself into your conversations, making his presence known whenever you were around, or forcing his younger brother to exploit your whereabouts with threats only each brother knew about one another. Regardless, his tactics worked and eventually, you became his. His.

Since then all had been bliss, yet, now, you were struck with a dilemma...

****

"What do you mean you could be moving, Y/N? Is this a few weeks kinda thing or you're gone... For good?" Aegon raised, his voice growing audibly louder with such a ferocity, you'd never heard the likes of it before.

"W-Well it's a scholarship, Aeg. One that I honestly never even thought possible to get, I-I just applied off a whim. B-But now that they're offering it, maybe, just maybe, I was hoping you could support me."

The words fell shaky from your quivering lips; Aegon's face was struck with a blatant concoction of confusion, hurt and fury, like a wounded predator that had unforeseen a counter attack.

"Just answer me this, Y/N, how long exactly will you be gone for? How long are you planning to leave me?"

He took a great stride towards you, his hands reaching over, tightly gripping your forearms by the sides, as if in fear you might run at any minute. His voice although stern and unnerving, his lilac eyes glistened tearily.

"It-It's a funded Masters course, Aeg, just for two years I'll be studying abroad. B-But I'll plan to come back to see you whenever I can. Every holiday, every semester's break, you bet I'm coming back to you. A-And you could even come and see me, baby. You know, I-I would never leave you like that, Aeg, you know this, p-please-"

An eerie silence was all that you were met with, as Aegon's grip on you had loosened slowly. His face remained stoic, yet his teary eyes flickered, before he began to dauntingly nod his head, walking away from you towards the closed window of your apartment. You could hear sniffles, before he released a long, exhausted sigh as he looked onwards to the scenery outside.

"So this is how you disregard me, huh, Y/N? Is this how you see me, see us? Just something you can toss to the fucking side, once you find something a little more interesting to chase after?"

His harsh words stung like the venom of a viper. Now turned back towards you, his hardened gaze was chilling, almost even threatening. You felt somewhat fearful of Aegon at this very exact moment, although he would never hurt you, that you were certain of. He was often stubborn and hot-tempered though knew to control himself swiftly. Reassured by this, you simultaneously also felt the desperate urge to coddle and soothe his fears, vouching that you could nor would ever dispose of him like some piece of garbage.

"A-Aeg, never! That's not me, please! You are overthinking this, Aegon, you'-re-you're not thinking straight, my love. I-I know this can be overwhelming but t-try to understand me. Please-"

Taking a small step towards him, you came to a sudden halt, as he took a step back maintaining the distance between. His hand lifting mid way as if to signal you to stop, swatting you away.

"So now my feelings aren't valid? Fuck, Y/N... You really are starting to sound like a real, spoilt little bitch now. Just like the rest of them fucking sluts!"

Seating himself promptly down onto the bed, he ran his fingers through his platinum blonde hair, his head facing towards the ground, as another defeated sigh escaped his lips once more. It was only when he resumed his sole attention back unto your frozen frame, did he stupidly realise that now he had really crossed the line.

"Get out," Your voice although quiet just above a whisper, was crisp.

"Y/N-Baby-I-I didn't mean that-"

"Out, Aegon!"

A tightness in your chest began to intensify, a hand falling over your left, clothed breast, as your breathing began to hasten into loud, hitched sobs. Your eyes darted mindlessly around the room, feeling as though the walls began to close in, a sense of claustrophobia that you'd never feared nor experienced before brewing. Your cheeks turning scarlet by the seconds, as your eyes began to fill with hot tears, streaking down your tender face. Cowering down your other free hand, was poorly attempting to grab at anything solid enough to keep you upright, although Aegon bounding over towards you, reached over, lending you a spare chair, guiding your shaking body over to sit, as he cowered down in front of you.

"Y/N, Y/N, my angel, baby please- I-I didn't mean that, I-I could never mean that. I'm just so-just so upset that you-you didn't tell me about this. You-You always tell me everything. What would I do without you, huh, my sweet girl?-"

Brushing a strand of your hair aside, his other free hand cupping your hot, blushed cheek, his thumb stroking away a freshly fallen tear.

"H-How could I live without you for two years, if I can't even bear an evening without you?"

And yet no response other than earning heart-aching sobs from your behalf. Seeing you in such a distraught, unconsolable state only in turn tormented Aegon, as the tears that he had once so proudly held back, now began to streak across his soft, handsome face.

"B-Baby, please. Please, say something. I-I'm so sorry, don't-don't hate me. I couldn't bear it-"

"Ugh- Just fuck off, Aegon!-" Wailing his arms off you, you shove him off, as you stand hastily, storming aside, creating that deliberate distance in between once again. Aegon slowly rises himself up, that familiar hurt look tinged across his disheartened face, he roughly wipes the tears off his eyes, leaving them puffy and red.

"Sorry? Sorry about what exactly, Aeg? Sorry, that you can't just be an adult for one second, and accept the fact that some of us have priorities in our lives other than being in a fucking relationship? To think that you could be mature about this, how foolish of me..."

"Y/N, I-"

"Don't, Aeg! Don't even bother explaining yourself... I think it's best that you just leave me to decide."

Brazenly interrupting him before he could utter another word, your hand meekly gestures towards the door to your apartment. You couldn't even find the stamina to look Aegon dead in the eyes, fearful that any tender look from his part, you'd crumble once more in a second.

Seeing how riled up and tense you were, Aegon reluctantly began to pace himself towards the door, taking his time before a firm hand reached, gripping the metal knob of the door. The door opening as he unlocked the entry, he came to a sudden stop, turning back momentarily staring at you, tempted to say something. However, just as his attention panned across to you, your focus from him shifted elsewhere, fleeting from a window to the floor, desperate not to look directly at him. Sensing your message, he remained quiet as he left the premises, firmly shutting the door behind.

As the pain-staking silence fell once more, the intensity of the situation felt magnitude that very second Aegon had left. Feeling weak in your knees, your walked back over towards your bed, laying yourself down, burying your tearful face into a pillow, as the sobs returned, only now muffled. Your mind was racing rapidly. Regardless of what had unfolded, you cared deeply for Aegon and knew that it wounded him immensely that you hadn't involved him in your decision, prior to making such a life-changing commitment. It was his life too, that you toyed with, and a deep, integral part of you felt somewhat guilty.

Although, the ugly side of Aegon had showed, and it scarred you bitterly. Would he act and lash out like this at every chance something major would come? Was it a flaw of his, that you were willing to accept and embrace? You had no certainty. The fleeting minutes became hours into the night, as you laid still in bed, empty of tears, eyes stinging, your pillow soaked and face flustered, before you'd gradually began to fall into a deep sleep. Exhausted by the day's mishaps, you were hopeful the new day would offer some consolation...

****

Whether you had been dreaming vividly enough to be stirred awake, you could not say. Although, Aegon was on your mind as you drifted off to sleep, remaining in your dreams and as you slightly woke, too tiresome to remember the details of the events in the long hours prior. You felt something heavy, yet awfully familiar, the musky scent, pressing against your body.

Followed by a soft "shush-ing", you instantly recognised the deep, low tone that belonged to your boyfriend's manly voice.

"It's just me, baby. Go back to sleep. I couldn't leave you all alone like this."

"Hmm, Aeg-" Was all that you could pathetically muster, before returning readjusting your head on the pillow. It wasn't uncommon for Aegon to find himself in your apartment after hours or even whilst you were still out during the day, for you did offer him keys, and came home to find him lounging around as if it was his own home. You trusted him enough to share a copy, and up until now, he had been loyal not to abuse his right, thus, this reoccurrence had never startled you.

"That's right, my sweet girl. It's just me... I'm going to fix everything, okay?"

Unlike how sinister and brooding his tone with you was just hours ago, you now felt comforted and safe, hearing that familiar, saintly tone of his. Like a lullaby it ushered you back to sleep, as you felt a small, wet kiss planted on your forehead, as he brushed the astray strands off your face, taking a few moments to gaze upon you lustfully, before stirring himself up.

Feeling the mattress beneath move, you sensed that he was now positioned on his knees, hovering above you, as each leg pinned to either sides of your upper thighs, faintly hearing a metal clanging, as he unbuckled his belt and zipper. You remained laying comfortably on your stomach, your back facing him, your face turned to the side against the plush pillow, he could see you just faintly nodding against his words in agreement. It earned a soft smile from Aegon, as he pulled his pants down enough, laying over you, as his bare, hard cock began to grind against the thin fabric of your dress, just between your ass cheeks. Just from the sheer action, you could feel some wetness stirring beneath, a visceral reaction Aegon found so easily he could induce from you.

"Only the tip, baby... I promise. I'm going to make it up to you, my sweet, sweet angel."

Sensually lifting your dress up, he lightly lifted you, turning you slightly to the side with one arm, just enough for him to pull your panties down: planting you back gently, as to not startle you completely awake.

"My good, good girl. Always doing so well for me, not like anyone else...I was such a dick to you, wasn't I, baby?"

Earning another simple nod, he resumed with grazing his cock over your sensitive skin, feeling its pulsating throbs against your cheeks.

"But my princess, did do something very naughty... Trying to leave me, without asking. Leaving me all alone, you know how upset that would make me, right baby?"

"Hmm-Aeg-"

"But look at you begging for me...Now what makes you think you could leave me so easily, then? Precious girl, didn't think this through, did she?"

Gradually, his firm, thick cock slowly began to push itself deeper and deeper between your thighs, as one, strong arm stretched over your side to keep him steady, the other manoeuvred your legs, spreading them wide enough for him to position himself right between your centre.

"Don't worry, Princess. I'm here now, I'm going to help you make this decision, like a good boyfriend. Wouldn't want you to overthink anything, now let me take care of you... I promise I won't go in deeper, I won't cum inside."

Feeling your eyes naturally flutter from reality and dream, as you felt a lightening pain course through your body from the sensitive spot below. Aegon had forced himself in, your walls stretching as wide as possible to accomodate for his dense, throbbing mass, you could feel yourself tightly clenching over him, rewarded by deep, growling grunts and moans from him.

"Fuck, baby. Always know how fucking good to make me feel...Now why would you ruin it, and do something so stupid? Have I been so cruel, you wish to leave me?"

"N-No Aeg-" You'd managed to softly whimper, stirring even more awake, although eyes remained firmly shut, as you arched yourself in response to Aegon's slowly paced thrusts.

"Are you bored with Aeg, that you want to leave me?"

"No."

"Have I frightened you so, you wish to run away far from me?"

Within that split second he'd uttered those words, that familiar, daunting tone returned to him, and you felt your heart begin to beat feverishly.

"I-I love you Aeg."

Now his thrusts began to hasten in response to your words, his grunts primal and louder.

"Say it again, I'm struggling to believe you. You tried to deceive me today, angel. That was cruel of you...Say it again."

"I love you, Aegon."

This time more awake and conscious of what was going on, you were too deeply saturated in being sated by Aegon in the moment. You couldn't muster a single ounce of dignity nor sanity at this very moment to stop him in his tracks, knowing what he was capable of, he had all the power in his court.

"P-Pull out, Aeg-"

Your wetness now greatly coating his deep, hefty cock, feeling the mess beginning to ooze and seep from the edges of your entrance down your thighs. As he pulled out slightly and with his help, he turned you over, now both of you facing one another, although this time, managing to maintain complete and utter focus. Resuming to his sloppy, rough thrusts, you could feel the intensity of his cock, determined to push and shove himself as deep as possible, the tip of his cock just striking that sweet, sensitive spot of your cervix.

Aegon's face lowered down towards yours, as his ample, moist lips lingered over yours. Momentarily, just grazing above one another, before plummeting down on yours, as he noticed your lips beginning to stir to speak, desperate to shut you before you could ask once more. His tongue forced it way into yours, swirling and occupying your own: this unexplainable control that he had over you, now once more overtaking you. In the moments that Aegon had left, although maddened by his words, you had missed him. Could his brutal words bear truth, that two years without seeing him, would be impossible?

"Now, why would I do that? I promised you I would help, that's what I'm going to do. I'm doing this all for us."

His lips now trailing along your jawline down to the crook of your neck, where he knew you had a weak, sensitive spot that made you close to thoughtless. You could feel a upturn smirk strewed across his face, against your skin. Regardless, you could not surmise his intention, far too deep in devious, lustful thoughts, you needed Aegon to sate you completely.

"A-Aeg-"

Within a few more long, taunting minutes as Aegon edged you on, he could no longer contain himself. Feeling his warm, dense seed filling you up, it was a feeling unlike the many, intimate times before. You both were often proactive in protection, and yet tonight, although different, it was somewhat sublime.

"That's my good, perfect girl, that's it. Did so fucking well. I need you to stay put like this for me, okay?"

Regardless, that his fill had drenched you inside, Aegon remained buried deeply inside. Somehow, managing to turn you once more to the side, as he laid himself cosily behind you, thick, muscular arms holding you tenderly from behind, as his cock remained sorely stretching yet pleasantly coaxing you inside.

"Hush now baby, my good, sweet princess. How could I ever let you go so easily, huh? What kind of a man would I be to let his girl leave like that?-"

His hot, breathless words felt soothing as he whispered against your ears, his free hand atop, once more fixing the sweat-infused tangled strands away from your heated face. Leaving a few pecks of kisses against your dewy skin.

"Now promise to get some rest for me, angel. I need you strong for my little surprise."

****

Had you known what was to follow in the early months to come, the significance of Aegon's cryptic gesture following the sex that night. How his large, rough hand found it's way over to your lower abdomen, lightly caressing it in a circular motion, something he'd never normally done before, although not unquestionable at the time... Upon awaking early that morning, Aegon explained his surprise visit during the night, grieving over the sheer thought of losing you was enough to make the man cry once more, profusely apologising for the poisonous words he'd spat upon you. He refused to leave your side, and you knew you could not stop him. Nonetheless, he was well-intentioned, and you forgave him, allowing him to spend many more nights and days to come. Too preoccupied with the decision to be made, as Aegon kept pestering you for advice and discussion, you'd forgotten the whole notion of birth control, and only remembered a few days after. Regardless, the love making did not cease, as Aegon persuaded you that he wished to spend as many hours with you, "in case you decide to leave, I need to cherish every moment with you." Poetic of him, although, his agenda was far more conniving.

****

"Aeg- I'm, I'm pregnant."

The words were as sweet as honey to his sly ears: he did not lash out nor did he act upset nor surprised. In fact, unlike the momentous news you'd dropped before regarding the scholarship, this did not seem to phase him, not in the slightest.

You both rarely spoke of the thought of having children together, being both still quite young in age, and knowing that Aegon's youth was not one he favoured, regardless, he remained pleasantly optimistic upon hearing the news.

"Baby, this is good- This is wonderful."

"B-But what about the scholarship, what do I do?"

Cupping your tender, shocked face in his hands, his reassuring smile offered you some ease, though not enough. A child, an actual child. You hadn't really comprehended the notion of motherhood, nor did you completely go against it.

"Y/N, this-" One hand now stroking the same spot on your lower stomach, now a slight swell present, as he did those many nights ago. It all clicked now.

"This happened for a reason, you can't deny us this. Our own little baby, Y/N, we can have our own little family, sweetie. I promise I'll take care of us, all of us. You can't be stressing about some scholarship now..."

"But Aeg, I really did want it."

"So you-you want the scholarship, more than a family? More than making me happy or yourself? I thought you would be okay with this."

"I-Of course Aeg, I would love to have a family with you, only you now that I'm being honest. But I just always thought in due time, I-"

"Now's the time baby... This happened to us for a reason. Maybe the scholarship wasn't meant to be. Maybe something else will come along, they're always giving out scholarships, babe. If they offered it to you before, they'll offer it again. How could they deny you?"

His words sweet, and reaffirming. It was true, there were endless opportunities to apply for degrees and scholarships throughout the years. And it seemed Aegon, was extremely on board with the idea of becoming a father. Knowing how far he'd come from the rebellious boy he'd once been, stammering into the house late at night as Aemond and you remained studying endlessly, to the confident man he was now, was astounding. His dear mother, Alicent, even knew it, and thanked you deeply, for years she had been aimlessly trying to better her eldest.

"You are making all this possible for me, Y/N. Things I never dreamt to be or the person I'd become, you are the sole reason for my happiness. And now with this baby, I feel I could conquer the world."

[gardenofnoah]

katsuki hates to be placated.

it stems from his childhood (because of course it does)—there was no getting through or around his abrasiveness, so the next best thing was to pin him with that tired smile. the look of resignation that was always the same, no matter who wore it. to agree to every retort, even if he was being so horribly unreasonable. to choose—overtly—the quickest way to end the argument and flee from him.

he hated it. he hated it, and he could never understand—why was he the only one who ever had any backbone? he saw his challenges and rose to them every time. he came out on top, every time. it wasn’t as if he was being purposefully combative. he just…didn’t know how else to be.

to finally understand that he himself was the challenge, and one not worth seeing through—well.

that just hurt.

so he did the only thing a child so young could think to do—he became more. more volatile, more prone to outbursts. more unpredictable and, looking back on it now, scary. but that was what made sense to him—if he was made to see those barely-veiled expressions of intolerance either way—he’d at least have control over why.

as an adult, he has a better grasp on himself and his emotions, but he wouldn’t be katsuki without that hair trigger temper and his smart ass mouth. and he feels lucky—really lucky—that he has you, because you aren’t afraid of his challenge. you meet him head on and you give it right back.

so he can’t understand why you’re standing in front of him—not even looking at him—wearing that same, appeasing grimace tonight. he doesn’t understand, and suddenly he’s 11 again—small and made to feel so, so insignificant by the way you sigh like you can’t bear to speak another word to him. by the way your lips can barely turn up at the corners, and your strained little “nothing, kat” when he asks you what your problem is.

he had only answered your questions. it might’ve been the case that his answers came through gritted teeth as he heaved himself through the door to your home. it might be true that the adrenaline from his shift still pumping hard through his veins had him a little on edge, still feeling vigilant for any outward threat. and the way you’re postured away from him, like you can’t stand another second in the same room with him, feels as threatening as any villain.

“so why the fuck are you mad at me?”

you pause, hand halfway to dropping the tea bag into the steaming mug on the counter as you turn to look at him, expression both concerned and very tired.

“mad at you?”

he balks, because he hadn’t anticipated having to actually elaborate on that, and now he feels foolish as he tries to formulate his complaint. but the anger wins out, like it always does, and his explanation comes out clipped through gritted teeth.

“you’re fuckin’—turned away from me like i’m a little pest,” he seethes, only spurred on by the way you step forward, reaching for him like you mean to pacify a child mid-tantrum.

he doesn’t even see you anymore, not really—just every other face projected over yours, until he sees red. it’s always the same—no matter how hard he tries, he is too much—

“y’think i can’t tell how bad you don’t want to be here right now? i can practically hear ya thinking of all the ways to leave this—”

“katsuki.”

you’re facing him fully now, arms crossed over your chest with a look that can only be interpreted as one of annoyance, aimed right at him.

and that gives him pause, because at least you’re honest. he just…doesn’t know what to do with that.

“what on earth are you talking about?”

and of course he can’t say it. he tries to deflect, because the walls close in and the only way out is to steamroll over you. “you—you—”

and he just wishes you’d cut him off—tell him some horrible and likely true thing about himself so he can let go of all of the venom he’s been carrying around for over a decade—but instead you wait for him to tell you what he’s thinking. he can’t bear to tell you that the only thing in his head right now is his fear.

fear that he’s too much for you, too.

“you’re actin’ like you don’t want to talk to me,” he grits out, mirroring your posture with a huff and glaring at the tile by your feet. it sounds childish when it leaves him, like he ought to have stomped his foot to end the sentence, and the shame curls up in his chest.

you’re silent for what feels like an eternity. he feels the anger burn him up when he hears you snort.

before he can snap at you, you’re wrapped around his midsection. he wants to thrash until you let go, but he’s subdued in a way that feels different. even so, his petulance remains, and he holds his arms out from his sides like you’ve got fleas.

“i’m not mad at you, you big baby,” you murmur, and he can hear the smile in your voice, even muffled by his costume. “i’m just tired, kat. i was like, 99% asleep until a minute ago. i thought we were just gonna go to bed. ”

he feels himself fight against the way he wants to deflate at your words, and this time the anger is only directed at himself. he doesn’t understand why everything has to feel so fucking hard. why every tiny shift in your body language has him feeling nauseous, or why his mind drops him at the worst case scenario and leaves him there, stranded.

“i don’t want to leave,” you answer his earlier comment, head butting him lightly in the sternum. he feels no control over his arms when they loop around your shoulders to pull you closer.

“it’s 1am and i want to sleep,” you look up to shoot him a pointed glare, but there’s no real heat behind it, “so can you shower so we can do that?”

he can only blink at you. after a long moment, your words filter down far enough for him to understand.

“i—uh. yeah.”

your lips twitch up at the corners as you pull away from him. he feels so raw that he’s unable to move, unsure how to proceed and unwilling to let you out of his sight in case it’ll be the last time he sees you.

“go on,” you say, expression softer, “i’ll be in bed when you’re done. maybe i’ll cuddle you if you’re done yelling at me.”

“‘m sorry,” he can’t manage anything louder than a whisper, and when you reach out to rest your palm over his heart, it’s far more painful than any withdrawal could have been.

“we’ll talk about it tomorrow, okay?”

“…okay.”

[justporo]

A Love Letter

"Quite contrary to what you might believe, I have never written a love letter. Quick notes with sweet innocents on them or naughty promises, surely, loads of those. But not like this, never."

When Astarion hears that you never in your life have a received a love letter he takes it upon himself to change that.

MASTERLIST | AO3

Author's Note: It's been a while hasn't it? I hope to get back into the saddle with writing after I took a bit of a break. And what better thing to come back with than a very cheesy, self-indulgent thing? I hope you enjoy, let me know what you think!

Pairing: Astarion/named Tav (Fox/You) Warnings: light mention of past trauma Wordcount: 2,7k

You had never really been very much into these romantic things. You didn’t have the time for that pretty nonsense. Or maybe it was that you just never had gotten to experience it. And so you made yourself believe that.

So when you mentioned to Astarion that you never once in your life had received a love letter and was imagining how it might be, the vampire felt he had to do something about it. He wasn’t very much into these things either; things that felt just performative.

But after all, he knew with you this wasn’t the case - at all.

So one night, a while after you had mentioned this, and Astarion was out to run errands you found an envelope on the table in your kitchen - and next to it a singular deep red tulip.

On the envelope you saw your name in Astarion’s elegant handwriting written in gold ink - with a few wholly unnecessary but beautiful extra swirls around it.

With a fiendish smile on your lips you opened the letter and were surprised by several pages falling out of it. All of course written in Astarion’s neat hand. You brushed your hair out of your face, feeling that you needed to look presentable for this.

The letter read:

“My darling Fox,

Quite contrary to what you might believe, I have never written a love letter. Quick notes with sweet innocents on them or naughty promises, surely, loads of those. But not like this, never.

This is different, you are different! And you being different means I am now sitting here while you’ve gone to bed already ages ago by dim candle light with several pages of parchment because I know - I know - I will need them to even just scratch the surface. But right now, to be perfectly honest with you, I am a little lost for words as I sit here with a goblet of wine. I’m trying to warm up to this idea of me actually trying to lay bare what I usually don’t share with anyone. Not even with you.

Not because I don’t want to. But because I struggle with letting someone in. But you were so patient with me thus far. I hope you’ll be patient with me for this as well. This is my third attempt to write something that feels right. Something that feels true and not make-believe…

But bear with me as I am working to get the hang of this. Can’t really call myself a consummate lover if I don’t get this one down, can I?

Let’s start over, shall we?

I could tell you about every single little detail I adore about you: like the way your pretty silver eyes light up when you grin at me. Every single freckle you have, which I am sure I know by heart by now - every single one. Or how your smile is so beautiful that it makes even my undead and rotten heart flutter in my chest. How you get these delightful full body blushes when I pull you into my arms, still, no matter how long we’ve been together. How wonderfully sharp your tongue is and how witty you are, my little minx. How you curse worse than a sailor and drink at least as much as one, my little swashbuckling rebel. How you do everything to not be treated by a lady but then swoon when I try it on you anyways.

Or I could tell you how much I adore your kindness. How you worry so deeply about your friends and how loyal you are.

Or how I might roll my eyes every time you stop in the streets to pet one of the stray cats but actually love how you care even for the tiniest and most ragged critters, showering them with your honest affection.

Because isn’t that just like what you’ve done with me?

You looked at me - hells, I held a knife to your delicate neck! - and despite all odds you decided: you liked that one. Despite all the pain, all the suffering, all the trauma, all the patience you needed and all the good will. I couldn’t get rid of you - thankfully.

You kept me, you cared for me. And when I was unable to let you in, you let me in first, taking a leap of faith.

I could see it in your eyes first.

Your beautiful silver eyes and how they always betray just what you think and feel. Maybe not to everyone, but to me. Trust me, I’ve spent quite some time looking at them.

And at some point I looked at you. Your eyes were just so open and I just knew.

You saved me, Fox.

I know I told you before. But I need you to understand that I wouldn’t be here with you if I was without you. You stayed with me through all of this, you helped me every step of the way without really expecting anything in return.

And now I am more than just “still here”, more than just a hollow husk, void of life: I am free - and with you I am even whole.

You radiate so much joy and love and life. You care. Despite your own beatings and betrayals in life, you've never given up on believing that better days are ahead. Not even for a moment.

My stubborn little thing, who couldn't love you when you come barging into people's lives like this. You have your way of just grabbing people by the hand and pulling them with you, saying yes to the good things that happen and fuck off to the bad ones.

And you were right. Better days were, for once, just around the corner.

I feel violently alive when I'm with you.

And it's scary and even hurts sometimes. But it is so incredibly beautiful, joyous and breathtaking that I won't have it any other way.

It's like you pulled me right from that grave into your loving arms. And to my own surprise your embrace and how my name sounds on your lips weighs so much heavier than what has come before.

You haven’t given up on me. For some reason beyond my own comprehension you see something in me. Maybe some day you’ll help me understand too.”

You took a moment to let the words settle with you, your fingertips running over the neat cursive letters. It wasn’t lost on you that there were some specks on the bottom of the page. Like drops had fallen on it. Some had blurred the ink of the final words at the bottom where the handwriting, you realised, had gotten just a tiny bit shaky.

Tears were burning dangerously in your eyes, a knot forming in your throat as your eyes wandered back over the words, not daring yet to move on. And when a teardrop fell from your cheeks onto the paper, mixing in with the others already there you couldn’t help the small laugh escaping you. Knowing exactly the way the writer must have felt bringing these words down onto the parchment.

Then you read on.

“Enough of this sentimental nonsense now, let us move on to more important matters.”

You laughed out loud reading this as the first sentence on the next page. The handwriting as elegant as ever again. And you could quite clearly imagine how the vampire must’ve brushed away his “nonsensical” tears with a pout to regain his composure before he began writing again.

You kept on reading.

“You must’ve realised by now that I am quite a selfish man. I have absolutely no intention of letting you go, my love.

When I told you that you were the first person who I truly cared for, I meant it.

For as long as you will have me by your side and for as long as my immortal life, you will not get rid of me. I hope you thought this rightfully through when you said you wanted to be with me.

For as long as you want me to, I will do everything in my power to keep you as happy and healthy as you are now.

Your light shines so bright, my darling Fox, I don’t ever want to see it dimmed. I always want to see you smile as brightly, laugh as loudly and be as carefree as you are right now.

I want to keep holding you in my arms as you drift off to your dreams with your breaths getting softer and deeper before their soft rhythm lulls me to rest also. And then feel you wake up again in my embrace.

Do you know how incredibly beautiful you are in these moments?

I am not a poet, nor will I ever be one, gods forbid, so I can barely do it justice. But I will try nonetheless.

You are so beautiful and delicate in my arms, completely bare before me, not an inch between us with your limbs all wrapped around me, your hair all messed up. I can feel your comforting warmth. And then this first big breath of you waking up. You always bury your face in my chest as if you’re trying to resist the world of the awake claiming you again. And your arms wrap around me a little tighter while you groan about your fate of having to be awake again. And then you lift your head and blink slowly at me with these beautiful eyes of yours, still sleepy, and red hair all over your face. And your smile grows. You tell me good morning and that you love me with your voice still raspy from sleep and kiss me with your smile growing even broader.

You are everything for me in those moments. Because it feels like every single day you choose to love me again. Aren’t I quite lucky?

 And it’s a gift, every day anew.

And I love you too, Fox, oh how I love you. In those moments and all the others.

I will do everything so I can hold onto these moments with you and create a million more.

Because even though I might have lost the sun, I gained a new source of light. Your warmth makes me want to live again. For you - and for me.”

And then the final lines of the letter were written with a bit more space - and visibly more vigour. The letters tall and proud:

“I love you, Fox, from this moment to the next and for all that are to come.

I love you and I will keep loving you for as long as I live.

I love you.

Forever yours, Astarion”

There weren’t just single tears running over your cheeks and then rolling off your face by the time you finished reading. One hand was clenching the parchment sheets while you simultaneously tried not to ruin them. Your other hand was covering your mouth as you couldn’t stop yourself from sobbing.

You had sat down on the bench sometime while reading without even realising it. Now you were thankful for the support while emotions washed over and through you: overflowing love, bittersweet joy and aching yearning - among others.

Surely, when you had told Astarion that you had never received a love letter you didn’t think he would come up with something like this.

Maybe some cheesy little thing where he got to repurpose all of his favourite stupid lines, but not something like this. Not something so heartfelt and true. Not something that, despite his claims, was showing just how much he was letting you in.

You read the whole letter again.

And then a third time. And a fourth.

All the while your tears didn’t stop. They got worse even, to the point where you had to put the sheets down and cover your eyes while sobs shook your body.

Your chest felt like it was slowly coming apart as you felt it swell to the brim with love for your vampire.

That was the moment Astarion found you: still sitting at the wooden table in the kitchen, crying and sobbing and still clutching the letter in your hands, unwilling to let go. He halted a moment in the doorway.

“Was it that terrible, darling?” Astarion teased as he then entered the room. You hadn’t even noticed him before, too preoccupied with how the words of his confession swam before your eyes.

“I think I did quite a good job,” the vampire continued as he slowly sauntered over to you, hands crossed behind his back. With a huge sniffle you lifted your gaze to meet the writer’s eyes.

“I mean considering that I’ve never done this before,” Astarion finished as he took one last step up to you and immediately sank into a crouch beside you. Long, pale fingers reached out to tug one of several stray strands of hair back behind one of your pointy ears.

Your eyes were on Astarion and through your still welling tears you saw the cautious smile dance around his lips. His tone had been joking, his fingers softly brushing tears out of the corner of your eye lovingly. But his hesitation wasn’t lost on you.

So you took the only measure you deemed adequate to assure him that he had done a marvellous job. And since you could barely put into words how deeply his honest, loving words had moved you, you resorted to show rather than tell.

You threw yourself into Astarion’s arms, making him almost topple over in his crouched position. But the vampire kept his balance as you wrapped your arms around him as tightly as you ever had.

Neither of you cared when more tears spilled onto him and you while more sobs shook through you. “I love you,” you pressed out in between sobs and sniffles. “I love you, Astarion,” you repeated.

And again and again until the words made no sense anymore.

Astarion just held you, burying his face in your hair. And you could have sworn you must’ve felt a tear or two wet your already messed up hair that hadn’t been yours.

The two of you stayed in this tangled and messy embrace, both on your knees, for a long while. Your vampire softly swayed you while your sobs slowly subsided and the tears only remained as softly prickling traces on your face.

That kind of blissful exhaustion that only overcomes you after a long and hearty cry threatened to take you over when you had lost all sense of time in your lover’s arms. So you ripped your face from where it had been buried at Astarion’s neck before you became too tired.

With one hand you rubbed sloppily over your eyes and then your nose. And even without looking you knew Astarion’s nose would scrunch up in disgust. The thought almost immediately made you laugh. But when you looked at him again, finally free of blurring tears, you were merely met with a smirk and a soft mocking glint in his eyes, sparking at you from beneath Astarion’s brows.

“I can’t believe out of all moments you could have picked, you chose to call me beautiful with bedhair, you idiot” you blurted out and swatted the vampire’s arms before you immediately broke out with hysterical laughter.

The vampire immediately hissed at you in response. Then he cleared his throat and put on an air of seriousness when you looked up at him again: “But you are, my love. Even with your face covered in tears and snot you are still quite, eh…” He gesticulated dramatically towards you and his nose scrunched up again as he teased you. It only earned him another hit from you. He hissed at you again, letting go of you to rub the spot you had just hit.

“You punch quite hard, you know that?” he barked at you, his tone slightly offended. And you only laughed more.

“Maybe you should have added that to the letter,” you teased back and stuck out your tongue at him.

“You insolent, ungrateful wretch,” Astarion hurled at you while his smirk returned.

“You pretentious, stupid prick,” you gave back.

Then you leaned in, cupped Astarion’s face and kissed him. He met you with a content hum.

“I love you, Astarion,” you whispered as you broke away and pressed your forehead to his.

His eyes glittered and his smile was so broad it made the vampire’s face ache: “Love you too, my sweet little Fox.”

~~~

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[the-darklings]

Matthew calling Wanderer "Lady Dream" killed me dead and the only thing that can resurrect me is a drabble of Dream himself saying it (please)

pairing: dream of the endless x f!reader

wc: 1.2k+

warnings: jealous!Dream if you count that as a warning.

notes: got an idea that's too potent when I saw this, so LETS GO!!!

part one | series masterlist | ao3 |

“I messed up.”

Dream Lord doesn’t pause in his measured stride at your edgy words, his flame-kissed coat trailing after him. The Dreaming castle is abuzz, accommodating additional visitors from different domains, and you can’t recall the last time everyone was this frazzled. Everyone has come together as a well-oiled machine would, but tension hangs thick in the air. No one is happy about the new visitors or their purpose for being at the Dreaming. Dream himself hasn’t had a free second since; indeed, neither have you.  

“I highly doubt it,” he replies.

“No, Dream. I did mess up.”

“You have wandered realms for millennia, Wanderer,” Dream reminds, slowing to peer at you over his shoulder. His features soften a touch from their near-permanent rigidity lately. His voice, too, eases into a husky, gentle drawl, “You are familiar with royalty and courtiers from countless kingdoms. A great number of them regard you highly. Your insight and advice in navigating this situation have been greatly appreciated.”

Your unease quells briefly, soothed by his sincere comments. It’s still too easy to be caught off guard by Dream’s attempts to be more open, more appreciative of those around him. 

“You’re welcome,” you say softly, forcing down a gulp. “It's hard enough to remember a dozen different customs not to insult the guests. But I wanted to bring this to your attention first. Personally. So you don’t hear it from someone else first or, worse, the narrative gets twisted.”

Dream Lord rotates your way fully, moving closer. You’ve paused in a gallery. A new addition to the castle with multiple tapestries stitched from thick, luxurious cloth that hang across previously barren walls. Each one depicts various panoramas from different domains across the cosmos. It’s been a small, self-indulgent project you’ve undertaken in between travels, but given your recent company, it has gone down better than expected. Everyone relishes their kingdoms being paid homage to in the land of dreams. 

“What happened?” Dream questions somberly. “Did someone hurt you? Threaten you?”

Your hands wring together at the seeping darkness in Dream’s voice, fingers knotting. You swallow under his steady, hard scrutiny. 

“No, nothing like that. Certainly not with Cori around. It’s just… Cluracan invited me for a walk in Fiddler’s Green and, well, you know how he is. A flirt and an outrageous one.” A forced chuckle escapes you. Dream doesn’t smile or laugh with you. Some emotion pulses through his regal features, tucked from sight in seconds. “He’s a bit odd for a fae, if I’m honest. Surprisingly, he wasn’t drunk this time. So we got talking, and he was rather charming. It took me too long to realise he was, you know, hitting on me.”

You clear your throat, dragging your stare from the walls back to the Dream Lord standing in front of you. Dream’s bearing is stony, tense, his gaze hooded and mouth flat. Those pale irises seem to glimmer in the dusky light of the setting sun. 

“Hitting on as in… courting,” you rush ahead, examining the strain in his jaw. “He asked if we were mates. And I think I’ve spent too much time around Hob because I figured he meant pals, you know? Friends. I forgot fae have a different definition of ‘mates’. So I immediately laughed and said: Well, of course, Dream and I are mates. We’ve been mates for centuries. So Cluracan got this intense look on his face—I mean, he gets under peoples’ skin even more than Cori—then actually bowed. And then, well…”

Dream seems to glide closer—close enough to touch, to breathe in, his words a cold caress, “Then what?”

You swallow. “Cluracan said: I must apologise, Lady Dream. I meant no insult with my offer. I now understand why Lord Morpheus refused my sister. I would appreciate it if you did not mention this to him. I would not wish to complicate this matter further.”

A shiver races down your spine when Dream’s arm slips lightly around you, settling on your lower back. “And then?”

His words are impossibly soft, but there’s something about the way shadows pool around Dream’s sloping, sharp features that set shivers skittering down your spine. His hand seems to burn through your coat. There’s something about the tension you discern in each digit, as if he’s holding himself back from dragging you nearer and pressing you to him. He’s done so in the past numerous times, tucking you from sight in the folds of his starlit coat. Quiet, peaceful, cold and hot like those raging stars you sometimes glimpse in his eyes. 

“Then he, uh, left.” You don’t dare to move, curious to see what Dream Lord will do next. “And tripped in a creek. Which is weird because I’m certain there’s never been a creek there to begin with. It’s like it appeared out of nowhere. But anyway, I just… I thought I’d better tell you personally because Cluracan seems set on calling me Lady Dream now, and I don’t want you to overhear and take offence to it.”

“Why would I take offence to such a thing?”

You blink at his unhurried, probing question. Dream’s thumb strokes gently downwards—it’s so light, the contact, a mere graze, but there’s such potent power imbued into it you’re as good as naked beneath it, sensing the gesture through clothes and down to your marrow. Your breath wobbles before steadying. “Well, the implication…”

“Implication.” A deep, considerate hum vibrates from Dream’s chest, followed by a weighty, “Does this implication bother you?”

Does it? You’ve never cared for labels. Dream, to you, is everything. Those who matter most are aware of that, so why would anyone and their opinions matter? But they do. Deep down, you’re well versed with power that comes merely from what names you can evoke—whose favour in this vast cosmos you hold. But deeper than that lays a simpler sentiment: if you are his, in soul and name, you cannot be anyone else’s. Until you declare you are taken, then you are open. The brimming, dark scowl and icy, caressing whispers from his lips are displays of discontentment but not at any misstep on your part. But, rather, at the thought of another holding you so close. Another leaning down to touch their lips against yours. At the idea that you would permit anyone else this intimacy.

But there’s a more reticent sentiment to be read in the ancient, weary lines of his unchanging face: if you wanted another, he would not interfere. He would not hinder your happiness if you moved on and found someone else. He would not hinder you even if he wanted to. 

You slant yourself closer. “No, I suppose it doesn’t bother me.”

As if you could ever want anyone else but him. Sullen, stubborn, flawed, but yours despite it. 

Old ghosts flee from his regard, the weight on his shoulders lightening—a tiniest of smiles curving one side of Dream’s mouth.

He slants closer, his breath fanning against your ear. “Good. Because the title rather suits you, Lady Dream.”

an: Cluracan is a canon character that should appear pretty early on in S2 once Netflix stops being cowards. anyway, here's to hoping and hope you enjoyed : )

[the-hopeless-haze]

You Know I’m Not That Girl

Summary:  You don't want to be tied down. You've lived almost your whole life running from commitment. But Aaron wants more from you. You don't know how to handle that.

Word Count: 10k+ (I KNOW)

Warnings: smut nsfw mdni

-------

His mouth is on yours again.

Hot, heavy, heady, like you could get drunk off his kiss.

You don’t know that he picked out that shirt you’re taking off his body just for you. You also don’t know that he combed his hair this morning thinking of you brushing it back when it falls forward on his forehead. For whatever reason you also failed to notice that he let that waitress he was interviewing in relation to the case back at the diner flirt with him much longer than he would have if you weren’t in the room. If only to get a reaction out of you, however selfish his motivations were.

But the thought in the back of his head hurts more than he can bear.

That you noticed all those things. And you didn’t care.

It wasn’t so far-fetched. You are a profiler like him, after all, and it causes you to glean things from people that you’d rather not know. It makes it harder to be innocent, naïve, happy. Because you learn how to read people, and you learn how to separate paranoia and fiction from reality and fact.

In the same token, though, learning how to read people led Aaron to learn how to be unreadable. How to be a blank canvas, stoic and resolved, never granting anything a reaction. It worked well. It allows him to morph easily, because his tether on who he is outside of the job is so loose nowadays, especially after divorcing Hailey.

But you could’ve seen the signs and chosen to ignore them. It’s unclear how obvious he is, because what he feels like is his skin is on fire every time you walk in the room. If that were the case, though, there’d be a lot more talk of what the two of you were doing behind closed doors. So far, no one knew, or no one was brave enough to talk about it loud enough for him to hear.

Aaron knows he should just enjoy this. He has you, half-naked, begging for him to touch you. Kiss-bruised lips—you did that to him. Hair disheveled by your hand. Cock hard and straining under his dress pants, well, that was your influence too. You are here. Tangible. Real.

Though sometimes he gets the feeling all you’re giving him is your body. Like your soul is far away. Detached. You’re giving yourself to him, sure, you’re arching your back at the touch of his hands and you’re kissing him back fervently…. But there’s nothing else behind your actions besides a desire to get off.

Maybe he’s not being fair, exactly. You’ve done nothing to indicate you don’t care about him. But whenever he asks to see you outside of the office, the jet, the bedroom…. You come up with an excuse. You kiss him again until he forgets what he asked you. And then it’s back to this.

It was never his intention to make this just about sex. He’s barely done a casual thing in his life, never mind having a casual situationship. It wasn’t long after Hailey, and if he was being honest, he’d wanted you before that, and even though he’d never cheat… Haley knew his eyes were wandering. She could smell it on him. Takes one to know one. At least he didn’t actually commit the deed with the ring still on his finger.

And then… you both went undercover as a couple and it was one thing after another, caught your eye in just the right light and then your lips. It was in Vegas, of all places, but what happened there didn’t stay there like he thought it might’ve. Once he had you… he wanted you in whatever capacity you’d grant. Even if it was just sex. Even if you refused to talk about it.

But it was getting unbearable to keep holding back.

“Aaron,” you say breathlessly in his ear. “Where are you? Because you’re not here with me.”

Funny you should call him out like that.

“I’m sorry, honey,” he whispers, carding his fingers through your hair, pushing it back, away from your face, looking into your eyes in the dim lighting of the room, feeling his own brim with tears. Quickly, he diverts his gaze to above your head, leaning up to press a kiss to your forehead. “I promise I’m right here.”

You try to swallow against the lump forming in your throat. He needs to not do this tonight. You need to do whatever you can to make sure he doesn’t do this tonight. You can’t handle a confession, or more of a conversation than “good night” after you fuck him.

So you wiggle out of his embrace, start leaving wet open-mouthed kisses across his torso, heading down lower, lower…. Down the length of his body until you reach the fabric of his pants and he’s flushed red in the face.

“Honey…�� he says quietly. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to,” you tell him.

And you think from the look in his eyes maybe you misread him. This alone might result in him professing his undying love for you.

You don’t know how he stayed married to Hailey that long if she refused to give him head. That’s the first sign right there, especially when she demanded it for herself. Or, well, that’s what you’ve gleaned. He’s much too gracious to be throwing his ex-wife under the bus. Still. You know he didn’t get this often, if at all.

It’s usually not your favorite thing in the world, granted, because a lot of men are too rough and you don’t like to be manhandled when you’re already struggling to breathe. But Aaron was so gentle the first time, caressing your hair and praising you in between whimpers and breathy moans.

Let’s just say it was hard to look at him in the office the next day. If nothing else the two of you are a perfect sexual match.

You can’t believe you ever got him on his back.

You must have caught him off guard, in those bright lights of the Vegas casino, both of you a little tipsy off the free drinks, neither of you really playing the slots even though the case was over. The plane needed emergency maintenance. Funny how these things just happen like this.

You were still clad in your sequined dress, high heels, and heavy makeup and you remember making an off-color comment about how your fake marriage for the case was never consummated. And he said something stupid, stiffly, like, “Well. It was fake.”

And you said, “Well, what if at least the consummation part was real? We should’ve done that first, you know, to really sell it. Maybe we should have sex now, you know, in case we ever need to go undercover again.”

When his eyes widened and he cleared his throat you knew you had him wrapped around your finger.

You knew you had him long before that, though. JJ, a beautiful blond woman, always knew when men’s eyes were wandering where they weren’t supposed to, having been a victim of it her whole life. And she informed you on multiple occasions that Aaron’s target was you. She wasn’t wrong. But to act on it? You had to be crazy.

You knew it was stupid from the get-go, and not just because you’re technically his subordinate. You were in the midst of two situationships prior to him, and you knew logically both of you wanted different things. Yes, he married his high school sweetheart, and maybe the divorce led him to think a little differently about what sex and relationships meant to him. Ultimately, though, you know what he wants. A live-in girlfriend that will marry him someday, have his kids, and give him the whole white picket fence deal that he thought Haley would’ve given him.

But you’re not that girl. You never could be.

Even if you could be locked down, you care too much about your career to give it up while he works. Little does he know you’re vying for his position if it ever opens up. You wouldn’t be so cruel to oust him, no, but if he or Gideon were to ever transfer…

But you know Aaron won’t leave. His career was the mistress that broke up his marriage, not you. He chose it over her time and time again. And he would choose it over you, too, when push comes to shove. Leave you alone when you’re swollen pregnant with his kids and he’s halfway across the country. Doesn’t sound like your idea of a good time. You almost can’t blame Hailey for wanting an end to it. Raising kids with someone like that is akin to being a single mom anyway.

Kids aren’t even something you want. If you can’t stay with a lover for longer than six months, you don’t know how you’d be able to handle an eighteen-year-long commitment, even if it was your own flesh and blood.

You’re theorizing a lot about what this man really wants from you for someone that’s never had a conversation with him about it. But you two don’t talk much. You made sure of that.

He’s not saying anything as he helps you free his cock from the confines of his dress pants, hard and leaking pre-cum already, and you look up at him where you lay crouched at the end of the bed. He’s hesitant, still.

“Touch yourself,” you say quietly, looking at him, commanding him softly.

He does what you say, bringing his left hand to wrap around the base of his cock and fisting it, giving what seems like an experimental tug, like he’s never touched himself before.

Which you know is a lie.

But you make him nervous.

He does it again, again, again, and without warning you lean forward and lick the pre-cum weeping from his tip, whimpers leaving him as he stops moving his hand.

“Did I say you should stop? No. Keep going,” you order, and he nods in agreement and starts moving his hand across his length again.

You almost wish the rest of the team could see how easily you get him to submit to you. It’s quite honestly the best part of this whole arrangement.

You watch him for a little bit, seeing how his cheeks get redder from exertion and beads of sweat start forming on his chest and neck, and he’s fluttering his eyelids closed, muttering your name under his breath, begging you to touch him and put your mouth on him again. What a sight for sore eyes. He’s not going very quickly, just steady and sure, like he does all things. Again, you meet him, tongue swirling around the tip of his cock and he’s able to keep his ministrations going until you run your tongue over the underside of his cock, meeting the edge of his hand in the process.

Both his hands fly to your hair now, and you take the hint he’s all set with the teasing. You take more of him in your mouth, feeling him settle hot and heavy against your tongue.

“Jesus Christ,” he whimpers, massaging his fingers gently through your hair. “You feel so good, so much better than my hand.”

You would certainly fucking hope so.

Leaning back a little, you let go of him, pressing hot, wet kisses along his length, leaving smears of red lipstick in your wake. When he’s wet enough for your liking, you take him in your mouth again, suppressing your gag reflux to take almost all of him. You were never much of a deepthroater, again, because it’s not fun to have a man jab the head of his penis in the back of your throat, but for Aaron, you’ll try. You can at least give him this if you can’t give him anything else he wants from you. You know he won’t try to hurt you in the search of his own pleasure.

Unlike some people.

The tears pricking your eyes are due to the feeling of his cock in your throat. Nothing else.

Aaron shouldn’t look down at you because he thinks he’ll cum right then and there. You’re bobbing your head up and down on him now, the feeling of your lips and your cheeks hollowing around him almost too much to bear. He knows he sounds desperate, wrecked, stupid, even, his voice unrecognizable to even himself as he grunts and whimpers your name, begging you, pleading with you… for what? He doesn’t know. Everything. He wants everything you can give him.

More than you’re willing to give him.

You were very good at distractions.

You’re also very good at telling when he’s about to cum, and you stop right before he was going to warn you.

“What was that for?” he asks, panting, coming down from his almost high, still feeling needy and disoriented.

“You should know by now. You’re only finishing in one place. I suffer through birth control for a reason,” you grin, letting him kiss your mouth as you travel back up to his face.

“You should know by now that I can last for more than one round,” he teases, kissing you again.

“Still have to wait for that refractory period, old man,” you retort. “And I’m not feeling patient tonight.”

“No? Neither am I, then,” he says, reaching forward to snake his hand in your panties, feeling how damp they are against his knuckles, and he inserts his index and middle fingers into you, pumping slowly, methodically, stretching you out, trying to ignore his throbbing cock. “You’re so beautiful,” he whispers.

“You can cool it with the flattery, Aaron. You don’t need to woo me. You already got me in your bed.”

“Not really a way to accept a compliment.”

“I wasn’t accepting it. Please just stop talking and get me off.”

He chuckles and shakes his head. “No, honey, look,” he says, his fingers leaving you for a moment to turn the light on all the way. Nodding toward the mirror on your left, he climbs back on the bed. “Look at yourself. See what I see.”

You don’t really see anything to gawk at. You’re just a woman with mussed hair, sitting in a lacy black bra and panties, but when his hand wedges its way between your legs again, you realize you can use this to your advantage. Fuck his bullshit, making out like he was trying to help you increase your self-esteem when ultimately, he was just using you to get off like everybody else.

But two could play that game.

Something about watching his frame envelop you, watching his fingers scissor in and out of you in the mirror, dripping wet with evidence of your arousal… well, fuck.

“See?” he murmurs, kissing your mouth, but you’re still watching the mirror, and even that is more erotic, being able to see him and feel him from all angles. “So beautiful.”

When his face disappears between your thighs you think you might cum right then and there. Seeing only his black hair, your hands fisted there, the muscles of his back and arms flexing as he holds onto your hips… Christ.

“Aaron,” you hiss as the bridge of his nose runs over your clit.

“Mm?” he asks, not bothering to stop licking at you, his voice muffled by your cunt.

“Wish you could see yourself right now, fuck,” you whine.

Aaron pulls back from your body to look at you, grinning like a goddamn psychopath as you whimper from the sudden lack of his mouth. “I like the view down here.”

“Then get back down there, you bastard,” you say, pretending to be irritated but you’re smiling, too. “You can’t see anything, anyway, dumbass.”

“Still one of my favorite pastimes,” he says, fucking his fingers into you again, causing you to buck your hips against his hand involuntarily. Taking a glance into the mirror, Aaron begins to understand why this turned you on so much. It wasn’t so much about watching himself, no, it was you from a different angle, seeing you as a whole instead of the bits and pieces he usually gleaned in the glimpses of light.

Eye contact in the mirror is somehow sexier, hotter, and more intense. Intimate. Watching you watching him watching you watching him. Hair frazzled. Skin sheen with sweat. Hands gripping onto skin and sheets. The whole picture rather than the tiny details now on display.

“So wet for me, honey. So gorgeous,” he coos, rubbing his thumb over your clit.

“Aaron—“ You start to protest, but the words die in your throat and you grit your teeth, head falling slack on the pillows behind you.

“Sorry, honey, but if you want to get off you’ll have to suffer through my compliments,” he says, grinning at you again, leaning up to kiss you, the taste of you potent on his tongue.

“Fair trade, I guess, Aaron, fuck,” you hiss, bringing your head back up to watch him as he travels back down your body, disappearing between your legs, and you think if this is all he ever wanted to do for the rest of his life (besides work, of course, neither of you could ever give that up) you would be the happiest woman alive.

Aaron can tell you’re close to your peak, your thighs squeezing his head and trembling against him, and he looks up at you briefly, saying, “Honey, you can let go.”

And you do, the coil breaks finally and you cum, gasping out his name as you pull his hair just hard enough that he grunts yours out in almost a scolding tone.

“You’re lucky I’m nicer than you,” Aaron says after kissing your mouth gently and brushing the hair out of your eyes.

“Not hard to achieve,” you say, smiling at him, letting him lean down to kiss you again. You deepen the kiss, wrap your arm around his neck, wrap your leg around his hip, and straddle him, your cunt dangerously close to his cock.

“Fuck,” he breathes into your mouth.

“Exactly,” you quip, and he chuckles.

You think these are the only times you ever see him smile.

You try not to dwell on that as you sink onto his cock. It’s easy to forget anything you were thinking about now, feeling him fill you completely, hearing him moan your name as you start fucking him.

It still amazes you how desperate he is in bed, given how restrained he is elsewhere.

You’re so close to driving yourself over the edge, Aaron meeting you thrust for thrust, the friction against your clit each time almost enough… but then he reaches for your waist, stills your movements, and flips you onto your back, and you look at him questioningly.

“Is this okay?” he asks gently.

“Yeah. It’s okay, but was that not doing it for you? Because it was working for me.”

“I just… I just wanted to be closer,” he says, leaning down to kiss you softly, setting a slow pace as he starts fucking you again. “I can’t reach you like that. I can’t kiss you. I just… I need this right now. I want to be closer. Is that okay?”

There it is, the lump in your throat returning. His eyes are looking into yours imploringly, begging you for an answer, that yes, it’s okay, yes, you understand, yes, you want this too.

You can’t find words so you just kiss him like he said he wanted, and it’s different, not being able to see his face now, making out the entire time he’s inside you, the kiss turning messier as his pace increases. Your bodies are impossibly close, god, you’ve done everything in your power to avoid missionary with this man to avoid this, his body completely enveloping yours, just inches away from putting all his weight on you.

It’s taking everything in him not to say it. Not to say he loves you. It’s all that’s running through his head right now, sweat dripping down his back, but he knows you’d rationalize it away, say it’s because he’s fucking you right now that he’s bringing this up, that when his mind is clear he won’t feel the same way.

Even hypothetically, you break his heart.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, Aaron, right there,” you whine, arching your back, drawing him out of his pity party, and he fucks into you with renewed fervor, making sure to angle his hips the exact same way each time, doing anything, anything at all to make you feel good. Predictably, you let go quickly, your cunt squeezing him as you cum, and he knows he won’t last long either, and true to form it’s a few thrusts until he’s spilling into you, slowing his hips until they still, his cock starting to grow soft inside you.

“Will you stay tonight?” Aaron asks before moving off you.

“Yes,” you nod.

“The whole night?”

“Yes, Aaron,” you say. “Why?”

“I… I want to wake up and you’re still here…. I…” His voice trails off before he can tell you why. Because he sleeps better when you stay. Because he can pretend you’re really his if you stay the whole night. Because he loves you.

“So you can fuck me again in the morning before we go in?”

He tries not to frown. Of course, he’d always want to have sex with you… but it seems like you know when he’s on the verge of a confession, on the verge of asking for something more and you always divert the conversation to sex instead.

“We’ll have to get up early,” you say, stroking his hair absentmindedly. This, you don’t mind. This, you can do. You can stay the night. You can sleep next to him, bodies still intertwined. You can kiss him good morning, tease him for his morning breath.

What you can’t do… you can’t believe he really loves you or that even if he did, a real relationship outside of the bedroom and the office would work out.

You and Aaron had a rocky start. You were transferred from a white-collar crimes unit the second a position in the BAU opened. Always an issue with authority, you antagonized him whenever you thought his decisions were wrong, which came as a shock to the rest of the team who seemed happy to fall in line. But you refused to sit idly by while a man had the audacity to be incorrect and lead his entire team down that path.

He never raised his voice, but you did.

And he wasn’t always wrong.

You still don’t know how he possesses this much restraint. You envy it, almost. Control. Self-control.

But you didn’t know that that in itself is what made his eyes wander. You were exciting, tantalizing, and stimulating. A wildcard. The arguments between the two of you meant something, unlike the same tired ones he had been having with his soon-to-be ex-wife at the time about how he was never home, how she wanted children and didn’t want to raise them alone. They were at an impasse. He wasn't with you. Even when you nauseated him back in those early days, there was always a solution to whatever issue was at hand. Unlike at home.

It was the same thing. Day in. Day out. And he thrived on predictability. It’s what keeps him centered. Or so he thought, until you came into the bullpen, guns blazing. What he wants though… he was never going to get. From either Haley… or you, it seemed.

Sighing, Aaron rolls off you to let you go to the bathroom and brush your teeth.

You didn’t even bring your own toothbrush from home. He bought you one to keep here.

He follows you into the bathroom, grabbing his own toothbrush, and the eye contact in the mirror this time is different. More poignant. Simmered down. Hollow.

“Try not to look so miserable, Aaron. I did just fuck you,” you say.

“I’m just tired,” he lies.

“Mm.”

“When are we going to have a conversation?” He asks you after spitting out toothpaste in the sink, coming over to hug you from behind, and kissing your jaw gently.

“Who needs conversations?” you tease, leaning back to grind against him.

Maybe you were getting to be predictable, too.

But he tries not to let it get to him. You’re still in his bed, wearing his shirt to sleep in, wrapped in his arms.

And you still are when the sunlight bleeds through the blinds.

———

Aaron didn’t get it at first, but now he does. You said he wasn’t the only one you were sleeping with from the get-go, not completely honest prior to getting him in bed, but after you fucked him and then he almost gained the courage to tell you he saw you as more than just a friend with benefits, you dropped that bomb.

He didn’t expect it to be this close to home.

But he understands now. Morgan would’ve been his first guess if it was anyone else on the team, but oh, was he so wrong in his heteronormative thinking.

The way you used to sidle up to Elle, smirking, flirting, giving her that look he thought was reserved just for him. He knew… All those secret glances, the way you hugged her, let her fall asleep on your shoulder on plane rides back… and it’s part of why he feels like he can’t overstep, ask you to be with him seriously. Why he can’t tell you how he feels.

Now he sees Elle, trying to keep a frown plastered on her face but she can’t help but laugh at whatever you said. You squeeze her shoulder. You act like nothing’s wrong. But he can see in the way Elle averts her eyes from you that there’s a rift between the two of you. It was never too noticeable in the field. The two of you are solid agents and you’d never let the personal get in the way of the professional. There was a decrease in the jokes and smiles you shared together, and you’d sit next to him on the plane instead of her. But other than that…It was an invisible severance of ties.

Now, though, the two of you were the only people on the floor, the only two that got sucked into paperwork this evening, and he recalls it’s been a while since both of you drew the short straw together. It didn’t use to be like that. You two would always offer together, he recalls, order Chinese takeout or pizza, take the overtime, and tell him to go home to his wife, that the two of you could handle it. That was before he started having sex with you.

Nowadays, you either stayed with Morgan, or on the off chance you’d stay with Elle, either one of you would leave early, most often Elle. You’d tell her you got it. Often Aaron would take pity on you and take half the stack despite your protests, and sometimes you’d bring your half into his office and work in silence, in tandem with him.

Fair enough. He was your rebound just as you were his.

You cup Elle’s cheek with your hand, kiss her cheek softly before moving away, and he can make out you saying “I’m sorry.”

Elle turns away, jerking her body away from your touch.

You fake a smile.

“What is wrong with you?” she says, raising her voice.

“Elle, I…”

“No. You don’t get to do this. You ended this by sleeping around.” “You said you didn’t want anything serious! And you knew you weren't the only one when we started this."

“That didn’t mean I wanted you to go fuck somebody else. Or for you to leave me out to dry after I was just in a fucking hostage situation!”

“It’s the job, Elle, you—“

“How can you be so goddamn insensitive?” she asks, eyes blazing at you. “You weren’t trapped for hours in a train car in the middle of Texas with an unsub armed with two guns! No. You were fucking somebody else. That’s what you were doing.”

“No, actually, I was working to get you out of there,” you snap back.

“Right. Reid was more instrumental in that operation than you ever could have been.”

“Why don’t you go fuck Reid then and fuck off?”

“You know what? That sounds like a good fucking idea. At least he actually cared about my well-being after the fact. You’re all set with your ex from college and your new mystery man you won’t tell me anything about.”

“Listen, Elle, you told me you were fine. I didn’t want to press it. And I haven't seen my ex in over a month."

She sets her jaw, crossing her arms over her chest. “You’re colder than some of the guys we bring in, you know that, right? What the fuck? I don’t care that we were never going to be flag wavers who came out to the whole team and put our careers and lives in danger. Sure. It was mostly for fun. But I thought you saw me as something more than just a fuckbuddy. I thought I was at least your friend. No one’s fine after that. You know that. Although I don’t know, maybe you would be. Must be nice to be so detached.”

“Elle… I’m sorry. Okay? I’m sorry. I honestly didn’t know you were struggling. I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I would’ve been there if you reached out.”

“Yeah. It’s always like that, isn’t it? You can never be the person who chases, never be the person who asks if someone needs anything from you,” she scoffs.

“Elle, I… I’m sorry.”

“You keep saying that.”

“Because I am!”

“Okay.”

“I still want to be friends.”

Elle laughs sardonically, shaking her head. “Not yet. You’ve got to give me space right now.”

“I gave you a month of space.”

“It wasn’t enough. I need some air.”

And she starts walking away in a huff, and that’s when Aaron realizes he needs to pretend he was doing anything but watching this public display of disaffection. He puts his key in the lock to his office, but you hear it in the dead silence of the building, and you look up and see him, making eye contact with him across the awning.

And your face falls. It’s not anger or sadness at the way you’re looking at him… it’s fear. He recognizes that look all too well. And it breaks his heart, to think you’d be frightened of his reaction to anything you brought to the table.

Aaron walks down the stairs over to you, and you’re trembling. “What’s the matter, honey?” he asks softly.

“Nothing. I’m okay,” you lie, blatant lies always falling from your mouth. Why couldn’t you ever just be honest with him?

“You don’t seem okay. Why don’t we go talk in my office?”

“I’m okay, Aaron. Please,” you say, but your eyes are brimming with tears as you speak. “Please just… let me work on my files. I don’t want to be here all night.”

“I don’t care about the files. I want to make sure you’re okay, and I know you’re not. Please talk to me. What’s going on with you and Elle?”

“I… how much of that did you hear?” you whisper nervously, your voice taking on a higher frequency than normal.

“It’s okay. I’m not mad.”

“But I…” You trail off, leaving what you are unspoken. Jesus, you wonder what he must think of you now. Slut. Dyke. Whore. Cunt. Bitch. Just another woman who fucked him and then fucked him over. You were waiting for the slurs to start spilling from his mouth.

It’s not like the two of you were exclusive.

But you know for him it was only you and part of you feels guilty anyway.

“I’m not mad,” he reassures you. “I could never be mad at you.”

Oh, God. There it was again. The false promises, the ones you get at the start of every relationship. Wasn’t that what Elle said to you, or some variant of that... until things got too close for comfort for you and you stepped back? Like you always do?

“I highly doubt that,” you say, trying to level your voice and fight back the tears threatening to spill over onto your cheeks.

“I don’t want to ignore this. I want you to be able to talk to me.”

“I have nothing to say,” you tell him, a little harsher than you meant to. You expect him to nod curtly at your attitude; like maybe he would have when you first started working here, walk back into his office, and call it a night.

But he doesn’t walk away. He steps forward and wraps you in a hug that you don’t return, your arms still crossed over your chest against his body. His lips press against the top of your head and you hate this, you feel claustrophobic wrapped in his embrace, and you wish you could be normal, that you didn’t fuck up everything good you ever had.

But he’d be another one on a long list.

“Honey… I don’t care if you’ve been with women. I knew about this before, anyway, or suspected the two of you were together. If that’s what you think the issue is, I want you to know it doesn’t bother me at all. It shouldn’t bother anyone. I’m sorry I had to find out this way instead of you telling me on your own terms, but I… I still care about you. This didn’t change anything for me. Okay?” Part of you wants to psychoanalyze his statement, tear it to pieces, and make him an asshole for saying it. Because…no, it shouldn’t need to be said. He’s not a hero for this. It should be a given, that whoever you’re with would accept who you are. But you’ve had past men you’ve been with be bullies, terrorize you for it, make you feel like a whore, dirty... like you’re less of a woman for it. Projecting all their insecurities on you.

And for a man as traditional and reserved as Aaron… you somewhat expected him to be the same way if he ever found out. At the very least you expected him to call things off, and ask for some space. It’s a relief and a burden at the same time that he didn’t. You’re glad he’s accepting and it means there’s one less bigot in the world, but now it’s so much harder to villainize him or to make yourself believe he only sees you as a recurring one-night stand.

“Please talk to me,” he begs, pulling away from the hug to look at your face.

“What is there to say, Aaron? You caught me. I’m a whore.”

“Don’t talk about yourself like that,” he scolds. “I’m not mad about that, either. It’s not like we ever really discussed what we were.”

“Jesus, Aaron, what’s it going to take for you to hate me?” you ask, shaking your head. “I refuse to believe you’re this much of a pushover after Haley.”

He stiffens a little at the mention of her name, but he nods. “Why would I hate you? Anyway… yes. She cheated on me. But she had my last name and my ring on her finger. It’s a little different than… whatever it is we’re doing. We didn’t put labels on this. You told me you were still seeing somebody else. I knew there was…overlap. We never talk about what it is, and what we want from each other. Hailey and I were far past that point and she betrayed my trust.”

You hate how courteous he is about this, how he’s refusing to put any blame on you at all. You almost wish he would scream at you. At least that you know how to deal with.

“I told Elle,” you say quickly. “About us. Or… well… not us. Not that it’s you. But that I’ve been sleeping with someone else. I told her a month ago, probably two months later than I should have. And I never told you about her… because… I hadn’t been seeing her as much since we started sleeping together, either, Aaron… and I didn’t know how you would take this.”

“I told you. I’m not mad,” he says. “It’s okay. Everything’s still okay. Please. You can still come home with me tonight.”

You frown, and shake your head. “It’s been every night this week.”

“Did I wear you out, yet?” he asks, smiling a little more suggestively than usual.

You smirk devilishly, finally returning to your natural self. “You know you never could.”

“Then, please. I’ll take half your stack and we can head to my place after. I still want you.” Aaron punctuates his statement with a kiss to your forehead.

—————-

And so you let him take you home, your place this time, you let him kiss you, tangle his hands in your hair, you let him tell you how gorgeous he thinks you are without a mirror on the side of the bed to prove it.

You let him tell you he loves you without stopping him this time before he gets there. But you don’t say anything back.

You like him. You do. He makes you laugh, he’s handsome, and you know he would treat you well. He has, so far, and you’re not even dating.

But he’s too good for you. One girlfriend before you, who he married. No flings to speak of. He always tried to be perfect, color in the lines of what a stereotypical man should be in this day and age, although you did appreciate he was never boastful about it. Strong yet caring. Stern yet soft-spoken. Intelligent, but he knew his limits.

You weren’t like what men thought women should be. You certainly never fit into that mold.

He stops fucking you, stills inside you.

“Please say something. Did you hear me?” he asks you.

“What?”

“I said, ‘I love you’”.

“No, you don’t, Aaron. Stop it,” you say.

“When are we going to have a conversation?”

“Not now,” you say.

“Then when?” he asks, searching your eyes for something more than your words were giving him.

“Not when you’re fucking me. Jesus Christ. Way to kill the mood, Aaron,” you say, trying to come off like you were teasing.

But he’s not taking the bait today.

“It doesn’t kill the mood for me,” he says quietly.

“Aaron, please,” you say, trying to thrust up against him.

He ignores you. Now he knows his only chance to get you to listen to him is if you’re in bed with him. Now that he knows your track record from what he gleaned from your conversation with Elle. “Remember when we had that case that looked like a satanic ritual attack? And you told me I was stupid to go after that heavy metal kid because you used to be into that, and you went on a whole tangent about how I needed to learn the difference between profiling and stereotyping?”

“Mm.”

“And you were right.”

“Yes. I was.”

“And I just… I don’t know. I love that you’ll speak your mind. I love that you’ll call me out when I’m wrong. I love that you’re not afraid to be a little… hostile to get your point across when you know you’re right. That you’re subversive. That you’re also… kind when the situation calls for it. That you’re witty. That you’re so, so, so intelligent and gorgeous and…. I’m not good with words or emotions. I know you’re not either. But believe me. Believe me when I tell you I love you because… I really do. And I want this to be something else. Something more. I want us to be exclusive. I don’t want… I don’t want you to be afraid and push me away like you’ve done with other people in the past.”

“Aaron. Your cock is in me right now. You’re not thinking straight,” you say, teasing again, kissing him, but he breaks away.

“Can you be honest with me? Please? Like I was just honest with you. What do you want from this?”

“This. This is what I want,” you answer.

“Just sex?”

“I don’t know. We’re friends, Aaron. We get along… for the most part. What will really be so different if you call me your girlfriend?”

“What do you think will be so different that you’re so against it?” he asks.

You sigh. “Things are good right now. Aren’t they?”

“They are, but I want more from you.”

“What more could I possibly give you, Aaron? I fuck you almost on the daily. When you were happily married, did you get that?”

“I wasn’t happily married,” he sighs.

“Exactly. That’s an oxymoron. It won’t be any different with me.”

“I think it would be. You’re not a choice I’m making at seventeen.”

“Aaron, stop it. I’m still just a woman.”

“You’re the woman I want. I want to be with you. It’s… yes. The sex is great. I’m not complaining. But I… I want to be able to take you out to dinner. Go for runs with you. Be the only one you sleep with.”

“So it is about that. It does bother you.”

“No. It didn’t.”

“But it does now.”

“I don’t have to be mad at you for it to bother me. Like I said. It was never anything we discussed until now.”

“Yeah. Now that we’re discussing it, do you feel better? Because I don’t,” you snap.

“Honey… it’s been killing me. Keeping it secret, close to my chest.”

“If you really cared about me, you would move,” you say, trying to bring levity back into the situation and get him to fuck you again as you roll your hips up against his.

“Okay,” he says solemnly, pulling out of you, and searching the floor for his boxers.

“Where are you going?” you ask.

“I can’t… I can’t keep doing this, having you close but not as close as I want you, knowing you don’t feel the same way or want the same things. I held on too long for something I was never going to get with Haley. I can’t do it with you, too.”

You don’t say anything. You stay there, naked in the center of your bed, and you watch him get dressed, and you watch him leave your bedroom. You meet his hollow-eyed gaze. You don’t say a word.

You know it’s over.

It takes a lot of strength for Aaron to exit your apartment.

But he finds it anyway.

——————

You’re talking to Reid enthusiastically about the book series the two of you were reading. Or rather, that you were catching up on that Reid had already finished.

That was another thing Aaron loved about you, how you seemed to be one of the only members on the team that actively sought out Reid’s eccentricities and special interests. In fact, he may have been the only member you hadn’t had choice words with at one point.

You could be gentle when you wanted to be.

He knows he shouldn’t be looking at you. He should be avoiding you unless it’s absolutely necessary to be in your presence. But it was so very hard to ignore you, even if you did break his heart for good this time.

There’s another person who’s watching you.

Elle.

It’s hard for Aaron to read Elle, sometimes, too. She comes off reserved. Uncaring. He wouldn’t have thought the hostage situation bothered her as much as she claimed it had with you the other day either.

No one in this room is good at dealing with emotions. Compartmentalization? Everyone could teach a class on that. It’s what you studied, being profilers, people that hid away the depraved parts of their psyche to be able to function as members of society. So it only made sense that the rest of you would fall in line with that, albeit maybe not to that degree. Refuse to discuss anything that bothers you, though. Relive nightmares over and over again. Tell no one.

He’s tired of it.

“Elle, I need to speak with you,” Aaron says softly. “In my office.”

“Something wrong?” She asks, averting her gaze from you.

“I just need to speak with you,” he says, leading her up the stairs and unlocking the door of his office, and letting her follow him in. “You and her… you two were…”

“What?” she asks, already on edge.

“Together,” he says stiffly.

“As in?”

“Dating.”

Elle laughs sardonically, biting her nail anxiously. “No.”

“I’m not mad or upset. Whatever you tell me is held in strict confidence here. For both of your safeties,” he assures her gently.

“I said no. I meant no.”

“Then…?”

“Why do you care, Hotch? It’s not going to affect my work.”

“I just… I want to know.”

“For your own curiosity?” she asks, crossing her arms over her chest.

Aaron doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t want to put Elle in a precarious position, make her not only come out of the closet but also admit that she slept with you. But he needs to know where he stands.

Well. Takes one to know one.

“Wait a second. Son of a bitch. It was you,” she says quietly, realization visibly dawning on her. “You’re the man. You’re the one she told me she was sleeping with. There’s no other reason you’d pull me aside like this. Wow, she likes to keep it a little too close for comfort, huh? Maybe she’s trying to sleep with the whole unit.”

“Don’t talk about her like that,” he says firmly.

Elle shrugs. “It’s not anything bad. If that’s what she wants to do, she should have at it. We both know she could score. She’d definitely give Reid a good time.”

“Stop it,” he scolds.

“You can’t tell me I’m being unprofessional. You pulled me, your subordinate, in here to talk about how you’re in love with her.”

“Excuse me?” he asks firmly.

“God, Hotch, it’s nauseating. It’s all Morgan and Garcia talk about. It’s very obvious. You’re not exactly subtle. I didn’t know you were getting any, though. Good for you, I guess. That’s about as far as you’ll get with her.”

“What do you mean?” he asks, furrowing his brow.

But he knows exactly what she means.

“She’s distant, right? Cold, even. I thought maybe it was because she didn’t want to come out with a sign that says she sleeps with women, which, fair enough. Lots of reasons to stay closeted in this day and age. I’m not exactly a flag waver myself. I knew I wasn’t going to be walking down an aisle to her someday. Still didn’t mean it didn’t hurt that whenever I asked her anywhere besides my bedroom she flaked. Eventually, I got sick of it. It’s whatever. I wasn’t under any real delusions about what we were. I just got a little pissed and told her off. I was stressed because of the job and I took it out on her. We all do it. We’ll still be friends. I just want to play the game a little longer and ice her out.”

“Do you… want her?”

“No. Not anymore. I’m not as lovesick as you are. You can try to go for her. Like I said. Don’t think you’ll get farther than you have. Are we done here, or am I getting paid extra to give you a therapy session?”

“We’re done here. Cool it with the attitude.”

“Why? You let her talk to you however she wants.”

“Agent,” he says warningly.

“Right. You’re not in love with me. Special privileges,” she says, rolling her eyes.

“Not a word of this to the rest of the team.”

“Yeah, no worries, Hotch,” she says, smirking and nodding. “I think surprisingly I’d have more to lose than you if it got out.”

Meanwhile, you had sat at the desk across from Morgan, thanking him for running coffee duty.

“What do you think that’s about?” Morgan asks you. “Hotch and Elle.”

“Don’t know, don’t care,” you lie, sipping at your coffee, wondering vaguely if they're swapping stories about how much of a bitch you are. “You ever think you’ll settle down?”

“Why are you asking me that? You’re more of a player than me.”

You roll your eyes at him. “Jealous?”

“Not in the slightest. Your life is messy and I don’t even know the half of it. Wish you would sleep with the boss man, though. Man’s lovesick.”

You wince a little. “Who? Gideon?”

“Yeah,” Morgan replies sarcastically, then drops his voice lower, “I’m telling you. Hotch would drop anything in a heartbeat if he had one second with you.”

“He had more than that.”

“You’re kidding me,” Morgan says, leaning back in his chair. “Okay. Then why does he still look at you like he didn’t?”

“Because I don’t want to be the next Mrs. Hotchner.”

“He had one girlfriend his whole life and he married her. And look at him. He’s not a player like us. You can’t fuck with him like that.”

“He’s a grown man. He knew what he was getting into.”

“Did you?” he asks. “Because I think somewhere in that cold, bitchy heart you love him, too. Can Hotshot Hotchner do it? Tame this femme-fatale?”

“You’re not funny, Morgan.”

Morgan shrugs. “I think if anyone could tame you it would be him. He’d certainly be the only one willing to put in the effort to.”

“Nope. He left like they all do,” you counter.

“Because you let him.”

Because you let him.

You didn’t even try to stop him.

These things were true. What was Aaron supposed to do with that?

————

All you taste is blood. The metallic-tinged liquid in your throat, your back pressed against the car, and you had your arms up to block the perpetrator but he got the best of you anyway. It’s a swift kick to the stomach and you bend over, the wind knocked out of you, and you’re spitting up blood, seeing it bright red and viscous on the grass in front of you. Your lungs burn, and your head aches, but the adrenaline coursing through you is enough to overpower that and to give you the strength to knee him in the balls, hard, and he keels over, groaning in pain. Morgan takes the opportunity to pull his hands behind his back and snap the handcuffs on him while you fall to your knees, leaning against the car for support as you struggle to catch your breath, still swallowing blood, wincing at the taste in the back of your throat.

It was your mouth that got you in trouble again, predictably. At least if nothing else you proved he had a temper and was easily provoked. You expect Gideon to chew you out later anyway. Aaron was still avoiding you like the plague.

“Can you hear me?” A voice asks, coming from above you, soft yet distinctly masculine and you realize it’s Aaron. What?

You nod, chest heaving, but you can’t speak even if you tried.

You feel him loosen the buttons of your shirt at your throat, rubbing your back soothingly. “Just breathe. It’s okay. You’re okay. You did well. Good. Just like that. Can you walk?”

You try to push yourself off the car and take a few steps, but your legs give out and you fall back into his arms, the adrenaline that was pushing you a second ago gone now that you weren’t being attacked anymore.

“Hey, hey, hey, easy,” he says gently, supporting your weight. “I’m going to get you to a hospital.”

“I don’t need…” you manage to rasp out, shaking your head.

“Shh. Shh. If you never let me use my authority for anything else again I’d be fine with it as long as you let me use it here. You’re going to the hospital.”

Calling an ambulance, he clears out the rest of the scene, letting the other members of the team go back to the office with the perpetrator, checking in with you at what feels like five-second intervals.

“I’m okay, Aaron. Really. I got kicked in the stomach. I’m fine,” you say when you can catch your breath.

“You could have a broken rib. Or nose. You’re still bleeding,” he points out, using the sleeve of his dress shirt to wipe the blood still dripping from your face.

“I think I would’ve heard either of those.”

“What if you lose too much blood? Hm?”

“From a nosebleed?” you question.

“It could happen.”

“Why are you… why are you acting like you care?”

“Acting?” Aaron asks, then shrugs. “It’s not acting.”

“You didn’t have to stay with me.”

“I wanted to.”

“Why? You could’ve made anyone else stay with me.”

“I wanted to be the one to make sure you’re okay,” he says, taking of his blazer, unbuttoning his dress shirt and handing it to you, leaving him in just his white undershirt. “You need to keep pressure on that. Stop the bleeding. Here.”

“Aaron… why? This isn’t just routine. Reid got hurt the other day and you didn’t—"

“Because I still love you,” he says quickly, looking you in the eyes. “It doesn’t just go away. I thought… I don’t know. I don’t know what I thought I was going to achieve by leaving that night. It hurts either way.”

“If it’s any consolation, I miss you,” you say quietly.

“I have two questions, then,” he says, exhaling, deciding to take a chance. There was nothing more to lose.

“Yeah. What?”

“You miss me? Or the sex?”

“Can’t it be both?” you ask sheepishly, blushing a little.

“I suppose.”

“What’s your second question?”

“You miss me? You don’t love me?”

“Aaron,” you say, moving his shirt away from your nose. “That’s not a fair question. I don’t know if I’ve ever loved anyone.”

“Why did you let me leave?” he asks.

“I didn’t agree to a third question.”

“Just answer me,” he says, exasperated.

“You were going to leave anyway, Aaron. We don’t want the same things. I don’t want to get married, and give up my career to raise your children.”

He shakes his head, looking at you incredulously. “Where in the world did you get the idea that either of those things were what I wanted from you?”

“You were married and it didn’t work out, you’re older, you—“

“See what happens when you refuse to talk about things?” he says, laughing a little. “Yes. I wanted a wife and a family. And I had a wife and the chance of having a family and… it fell apart. And in the aftermath of it all, there was you. I was never asking to tie you down and make you feel trapped. I’m not asking for you to have children if that’s not something you want. I’m certainly not asking you to give up your career for me while I work. You aren’t what I thought I wanted. You would’ve… you would’ve terrified me if I met you two decades ago. But you meet me where I’m at now, and that’s what matters.”

“I would’ve terrified you?” you tease.

“You do, now, too,” he grins. “A little. But in a good way.”

“Did you actually call this ambulance?” you ask.

“You know they take forever to get anywhere,” Aaron says, looking at you concernedly. “Why? Anything new hurt?”

“I’m fine, Aaron,” you say, rolling your eyes at him. “I would’ve been fine with an urgent care.”

“Forgive me for being cautious.”

“Forgive me for letting you leave,” you say, your heart threatening to beat out of your chest.

“I already did,” he responds quietly, reaching for your hand and squeezing it gently.

“What… what do you want from me, then? Because I… I don’t understand. I’m argumentative, divisive, and hostile. I don’t know the meaning of restraint. I don’t—"

Aaron shakes his head and kisses you, then pulls away, looking down at you and grinning as the red and blue lights from the ambulance arriving start to illuminate you in the dark. “You taste like blood.”

You laugh more than you should have at that, your sides aching as you do. “You really are a profiler, huh?”

“Some might even say a good one.”

“What do you want—"

“I don’t want you to change. I want you to still call me out when I’m wrong. I want you to argue with me like you always used to. I never want you to feel like you need to hold back, act differently, or be somebody else. All those things you listed… I love about you. I just want you to be with me like I told you. Go out to dinners and breakfasts with me. Cook with me in my kitchen. Have wine outside with me in the summer. Go for runs with me. Drag me to Taylor Swift concerts with you. I don’t care. I want it with you.”

The paramedics exit the ambulance before you can respond, and they’re helping you onto the stretcher and taking your blood pressure, and asking you what happened, and it’s not until you walked the few steps to the stretcher that you realized how much that son of a bitch really got you. Maybe Aaron was right to be this worried.

Not that you’d tell him that.

They leave you in the emergency room to wait, as they’ve deemed you non-emergent amid the heart attacks, strokes, and overdoses being wheeled in. You’re breathing. Which is good. Your nose stopped bleeding. Which is also good. Your oxygen level is normal, which means you didn’t puncture a lung with a broken rib, which is excellent.

Now that you’re alone again, or, rather, without an audience of paramedics, you look at him, drinking him in again, letting yourself look at him for the first time in weeks. Broad shoulders, dark hair, large hands. Calm demeanor, even here. Strong. Commanding. Yeah. As much as you were a man's nightmare, he was a woman's dream.

“What you want doesn’t sound half bad,” you admit.

“Why would I want to trap someone I love in a situation where I knew they’d be miserable? I know you value your freedom and your career. I would never ask you to compromise that for me. I just… I needed to step back because you would never even let me speak. You never let me take you out. You only let me take you home. And it… it hurt, honey. But I still love you.”

You wince. “I don’t know how to be in a relationship. I don’t know how to love. I’m broken.”

“That’s the thing I don’t understand. You’re always putting yourself down. Why do you think you don’t deserve this? That you don’t deserve to be happy?”

“I don’t know, Aaron. I’ve never seen a happy ending. For me or anyone else.”

“That doesn’t mean you should never try. And it doesn’t mean we can’t be happy now.”

“But it will hurt—"

“It will hurt anyway,” he reminds you. “These past few weeks have been hell.”

They haven’t been fun. He isn’t wrong.

“I’m not the easiest person to love.”

“Neither am I,” he admits. “I know I don’t bring a lot to the table. But I love you. And… Christ, it doesn’t take a profiler to see you’ve been damaged by somebody. I don’t blame you for living the way you have been, switching people out, and toying with people like you must have been toyed with on a larger scale. I don’t need to know the details if you’re not ready to share them with me. But whenever you feel like you’re ready, let me know. I want to listen.”

“Aaron,” you mutter. “Why can’t I just be fucked up?”

“You could be. But I don’t believe that’s the case.”

You don't say anything for a moment, leaning your head against his shoulder, listening to the idle chatter of everyone else in the emergency department waiting room. Kids crying, grown men screaming, and nurses talking calmly to patients. And then you focus in again on Aaron, listening to the steady rhythm of his breath, smelling the warm spice of his cologne against his neck, feeling the heat from his skin against yours.

And you think... maybe. Maybe. Maybe.

The journey was hell. But it brought you here.

"Okay," you say, with strengthened resolve. "I can't promise anything, but..."

-----

taglist @mrs-ssa-hotchner @mechformers​ @agentrose17​ 

[deadghosy]

If I was in Hazbin hotel:

Author insert x Hazbin Hotel

Prompt: an author is bored as they decided to jump into their favorite fandom at this very moment.

Honestly I’m bored asf rn lmao.

Will, the blogger in tumblr known as Deadghosy was bored in his room as he listens to jay aka kub scoutz 😍 playing lil guardsman. Being even more bored they opened their palm as a digital portal opens-

OKAY STOP…at first I was gonna do that story ass shit but let me be real. I died by not getting enough sleep and I popped into hell for not liking those Jesus posts😭

I’d honestly be in the sloth ring for being lazy asf and being tired most of the time. But also be in the gluttony ring as well. A BIG BITCH GOTTA EATTTT😭

But I would probably still be able to go into the pride ring because of my pride in not needing help from people. 😭 I hate asking for damn help irl.

I actually have very sharp canine teeth and bottom rows, I might as well be mistaken for a humanoid demon lol/j

But if did have a demon form, it’s a bear since I eat and sleep all day lmao.

Alastor wouldn’t “hate hate” me but find me annoying. I would try to get on his good side and never do deals with him obviously cause I like my soul 😍. But dead ass I’m showing him lingo of gen z ☝🏾💀 cause ain’t no way ima hear this deer man yap in a way I can’t understand. This is not no new broadcast from the old times dude. “Salutations!-” HAVIN ASS😕

Friendship level: 5/10

Sir Pentious, I’m teaching this bitch how to do the whip and nae nae 😄. I love him personally cause he so silly sometimes. I would just pop up as he works on weapons but not help him lol. I think personally our friendship would be the kind to talk to each other for a little and stop and repeat😕

Friendship level: 4.5/10

Charlie would like me because of my hyperactive personality sometimes. Like if I’m fixating on something, she would listen and probably tell her father. But mostly i wouldn’t do the trust exercises, she’ll have to drag my black ass to do them 💀

Friendship level: 6/10

Lucifer and I would be so chill dead ass. He’s probably adopt me if I’m gonna be honest cause I also have a duck toy in my room as we speak 😭LITERALLY I MIGHT AS WELL BE A MINI HIM WITH HIM HAVING HYPER FIXATIONS.

Friendship level: 10/10

Vaggie and me, idk she’s chill but short tempered. But I don’t think she would hate me but only he suspicious at first, but then just be chill with me. I would try to help her around but procrastinate lmao

Friendship level: 5.5//10

Husk would probably be chill but not have an opinion on me honestly. It will depend on me just going to talk to him or being nervous to talk to him. I hate being awkward so I would just wave or sit by his bar and chill with him as I draw.

Friendship level: it’s probably between 3/10 and 5/10

Angel and me, idk I feel like I would be a small friend of his to help. He wouldn’t trauma dump that much on me cause I’m just a kid so it would be like “oh my work is shit but my boss is even more shit.” So I would just nod acting like I don’t know what’s going on. Plus, I would probably try to make him something with the help of Lucifer

Friendship level: ima be honest…it’s probably a 4/10 cause I’m a minor and he has problems he need it overcome. He doesn’t need a minor to yap his ear off 😕

The Vee’s…😕ain’t no way ima talk to them front to front if I’m actually gonna be their friends dead ass. I would probably mostly be friends with Velvette to hook me up on outfits😍

Friendship level: -1000/10

Valentino…HAH YOU WOULD HAVE TO CATCH MY BLACK ASS ACTUALLY DEAD IF IM GONNA CHILL WITH THIS BASTARD 😂 I’m burning his whole studio down in a cool ass pyro tf2 mask. Fuck that bitch, all my homies hate Valentino 🤭

ENEMY LEVEL: 10000000/10🖕🏾

Vox, I’m begging him to try to advance my phone so I can prank call heaven and hell at the same time. I’m using so much evil ass shit🦆 like dead ass ima say “I heard your high school bully is in heaven” to an angel so they would go crazy trying to find their bully lmao. But Vox would hate my ass cause..I’m me? Idk lol

Enemy level: 8.5/10

Velvette, eh I feel like we would be mutuals but not too friendly. More like a hook up just so i can get free outfits and she can get a quick teen model and I can leave with the fit fr 😍 no money, free outfit‼️

Friendship level: 4.5/10

Adam and me..we throwin hands. Full on fist to fist. He probably would try to cheat but nahhh, you gettin kicked in the manhood bitch 😄‼️ but yeah me and him, enemies for life. He’s funny I’ll admit, but be honest having him beside you irl💀

Enemy level: he better keep one eye open.

Sera…yeah she not letting me in heaven lmao 😭 that’s all ima say LMAOO

Friendship level: -0/10

Lute will 100% percent kill me for my mouth 😭. I’d probably say GYATT to her for funnies only to get stab. But I would just be quiet and try to be on her good side lmao

Friendship level: 2/10

Emily would like me but would be the type of person to keep me in check with my mouth and vulgar language as I just chill eating all the food in heaven. She def givin me good tours.

Friendship level: a good 7.5/10

That’s all I have lmao

[treedaddymcpuffpuff]

Excessive Force : Tom Ludlow x Fem Nurse Reader (COLLAB W/ THE INCREDIBLE @johnwickb1tsch) - Chapter One Two Three Four Five

TW: abuse of authority, harassment, cops

The next day, you are driving home from a long shift in the wee hours of the morning when you see the dreaded flicker of blue and red lights flashing behind you. There’s hardly anyone else out on the highway, so there’s little chance they’re not directed at you. 

What the hell? You weren’t even speeding. You are exhausted. Did you drift over the line? Fuck. A ticket is the last thing you need right now. You make your way over to the side of the road, hoping you don’t get a flat from all the extraneous bullshit that peppers the asphalt. There really is no one around, and a little thrill of fear tightens your chest. Being a woman alone late at night in this situation isn’t exactly what you would call ideal. 

You know you don’t exactly look threatening, but you’re still careful to place your hands in full view on the top of the wheel. You glance in your side mirror at the black Dodge Charger parked behind you, momentarily blinded by those stupid flashing lights. However, when you set eyes on the figure who emerges from the driver’s seat, your heart plummets to your stomach. 

That motherfucker. 

He approaches your open window with all the swagger of a rooster, long legs and broad shoulders. Doesn’t look much like that burn is bothering him now. You know part of the bulk of his chest is a vest (and you’re glad he’s wearing it, considering his habits) but it still manages to fry the aesthetic center of your brain as you watch him. 

He bends down slightly to peer in your window, blinding you with his flashlight. So unnecessary. 

“Really?” you grouse, squinting at the bright light. 

Ignoring your complaint, he offers that shit-eating smirk. “Know why I pulled you over?” 

He leans on your window, and you know you stare at that large hand distractingly close to your shoulder for a beat too long, utterly betraying your thoughts to him. “No idea,” you sigh, tired, and pissed off, and you hate to admit it-entirely too titillated by his newest form of harassment.

Again, it occurs to you how very alone you are out here, at this time of the night. Even if there was another car driving by…there’s no way they’re stopping to help you. 

“For driving while adorable.” 

Of all the things he could have said in that moment-and you cannot help but remember the way he trussed you like a christmas turkey and said such filthy things in your ear that one time you treated him-it’s so cheesy it almost makes you smile.

“Are you kidding me?”

“And you were going 7 miles over the speed limit.”

This was LA. You took your life in your hands for not speeding at least fifteen over most of the time.

“You’re writing me a ticket for going seven over?” 

He doesn’t actually have the ticket book in his hand, and he looks around the deserted highway as though thinking about it. 

“Well. I don’t have to…”

Here it comes. 

“I’m not going on a date with you to get out of this. Write it up. Fuck it. I don’t care.”

He pays you a little frown, because he’s trying to be cute, but you’re just not playing his game. You imagine a man like this isn’t used to women not playing any games he asks them to. He has no idea how stubborn you can be. 

When he honest-to-god makes a pouty face, pushing out that beautifully full lower lip it’s all you can do not to reach out of the car and slap him-or maybe punch him in the dick-because it’s charming, and it melts your heart a little, and you so do not need this. You’ve been dreaming about him nearly every goddamn night since you first treated him and this is only going to throw gasoline on the fire-fuck!

“Did you forget that I have a boyfriend?” you remind him, for yourself as much as him. Maybe it’s not wise, to poke the bear while he’s actually almost being sweet-but you are mad.

His eyes narrow at you, and why do you get such a thrill from that? 

“Do you? Because the two of you seemed a little…awkward, together. Not sure I buy it.”

“Things are just new,” you defend. “What, do you want to hear about how he rubs my feet on my break?”

The glint in Officer Ludlow’s eyes is like a bared blade. “Just your feet? Honey, if you were my girl I’d rub you all over. For your health.” 

Fuck if that doesn’t send a spear of heat straight to your center, your heart thumping painfully in your chest. You hope he doesn’t notice you shifting in your seat, trying to relieve some of the absolutely diabolical ache between your thighs.

“Well…the break room has its limits.”

“Wouldn’t stop me.” The images that is going to give you when you lay down to sleep. 

“I’m sure it wouldn’t. But Julian is actually a gentleman.”

“Yeah? Pretty sure that’s code for boring as fuck.” 

“He’s not boring. He’s sweet. He’s taking me to coffee on Saturday morning, and you know what? I’m not going to think about you at all.” 

A greater lie was never told.

It almost feels like you finally scored a hit. His expression turns stony, unreadable, and you know it’s crazy but you almost feel bad about it. At last he straightens from practically leaning into your window, hooking his thumb in his belt. “Alright, sassy girl,” he says, patting the top of your car. “I’ll let you off with a warning this time.” With a final dark look he swaggers back to his Charger. 

It’s possible you watch him go in your side mirror-it’s really not fair, that God gave a man that annoying such a biteable little muffin of an ass.

[specialagentlokitty]

Spike x reader - our routine

Wondering down the street, you took a turn around the corner near the shop and you screamed when something jumped out at you and yelled.

Without thinking you punched your supposed attacked and he yelped jumping back to hold his nose.

“Spike? What are you doing?” You asked.

“Well I.. I’m robbing you clearly! Give me your money!”

You blinked, and you rose a brow at him.

“The fact you’re holding your nose and I know you can’t hurt me isn’t that scary to be honest with you.”

“Well you punched me!”

“You jumped out at me! Are you okay?”

He pulled his hand away and you looked at him, putting your hands in your pocket as you looked around.

“What do you want money for anyway?”

“Blood, bear and smokes, what else?”

“Right, just the usual then.”

He grinned a little.

“Exactly, so give me money.”

You walked past him, and he trailed behind you.

“Don’t walk away from me!”

You turned around to look at the currently harmless vampire and gestured to the shop down the street.

“I’m going to the shop I need food, are you coming?”

“Lead the way.”

You carried on wondering you got inside the shop.

Picking up a basket, you handed it over to Spike who took it with a little confusion.

“If I’m buying you things you can at least help.”

“Fine, but only because I’m getting something out of it otherwise I wouldn’t do it.”

You grinned a little at him and walked to the snack section, looking at something that seemed appealing to you.

“If this is your idea of food then someone should be worried for your well-being.”

You looked at him.

“What’s wrong with snacks?”

“Nothing, I like a good snack just as the next person, I just think blood is a better one.”

“That’s gross.”

“It’s true.”

Spike crouched next to you, picking up a packet of biscuits and went to put it in his pocket.

Reaching out, you grabbed them and put them in the basket.

“Come on, no one would know. Don’t be boring now.”

“I would know, if you want something just put it in the basket.”

You put some chips and chocolate in there before you made your way to the actual food so you could browse.

Spike followed you uninterested, he walked over to the alcohol and put some cans in the basket.

“So, what does the slayers follower do when she isn’t plotting my demise?” He asked.

“I work, unlike you spike some of us actually have things to do.”

“Wow, ouch, okay. I didn’t know you could be so rude.”

You smiled a little and you stood up, heading your way over to him to set a few more things into the basket.

“All sorted.”

“Perfect because I don’t want anybody seeing me walking around with the slayers lapdog.”

“Keep pushing it pale boy, remember who’s buying your what you want.”

You put the basket on the counter, and Spike leant against the counter as he looked at you.

“You wouldn’t really take it back.” He said.

You said nothing and he looked at you.

“Come on, you can’t buy them for me and then take them away that’s just cruel.”

“I won’t, don’t worry. Though I do have one more favour to ask.”

He sighed heavily, putting the cigarettes into his own bag along with his beer and picked it up while you picked up yours and your change.

You made your way out of the shop and looked around a little uncomfortable.

“There’s just some… weird guys hanging near my apartment…” you mumbled.

“So, the big bad monster hunter is scared of a few guys?” He mocked.

You looked at him.

“I’ll buy you shopping every week in return? All I ask is you walk me home after..”

Spike thought for a moment before agreeing, because to him he was getting the better side of the deal.

It meant he could keep getting what he wanted and it all came as easily as just walking one human home once a week.

So, he walked you to your apartment, and you awkwardly shuffled closer to him, finding it safer to be near the once deadly vampire than you did being around the very drunk guys hanging around the street.

“No touching.” He said quietly.

You glanced at him but said nothing, just rushing inside the complex and you led him up the stairs.

“Wait here a second.”

Heading inside, you left the door open and spike looked around at what he could see.

You set your bag on the couch and grabbed your bag, pulling out some cash and you walked back over, handing it to him.

“A deal is a deal.” You smiled.

“Same time next week pet, don’t be late.”

With that he left with a little grin.

The following week, just as you were leaving your apartment Spike was there.

He followed in line with you as you started to walk.

“I don’t see why you don’t just go in the day.” He shrugged.

“Between Buffy and all that, and work, then school, I just don’t have time during the day, this is the only time I can, but it just so happens the guys across the street like to party.”

“Could go in the morning.”

“Same issue, plus if I did then who’s gonna buy your shopping? You’re clearly not scaring anybody.”

Spike stood in front of you and glared a little.

“I’ll have you know I’m terrifying!”

You grinned up at him.

“So terrifying, you’ve got a butterfly in your shoulder.”

He went to swat it away and yelled in pain as he clutched his head.

“Point proven.”

You held your hand out, and he backed away.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

“Getting the butterfly, stay still.”

Spike stayed in his spot, and you held your hand out again, carefully you picked the butterfly up and you placed it on the wall behind him.

“See, all gone.”

“Tell nobody.” He grumbled.

You smiled at him.

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe with me Spike.”

You began heading to the shop, and you made your way inside, following the same routine as last weeks you got your shopping and his, and he walked you home and you paid him.

It was a good little system, that even a man like Spike who hated humans couldn’t find a flaw with, he got money out of it and he needed that.

If you accoutred each other around Buffy or anybody else you pretended to hate one another.

Even after months of doing the same time, on the same day at the same time, it was still a good system for you both.

Today was no different, you made your way downstairs, and you grinned at the vampire who was stood there waiting for you.

“You’re late.”

“Sorry, sorry, small injury at work.”

You hoped down the steps, and you grinned a little bit at him.

“What did you do, fall over a rat?”

You scoffed a little, limping down the street.

“No, someone tripped me up.”

“Like on purpose?”

“Yes Spike, on purpose. Not everybody looked up to waitresses.”

Spike hummed a little bit, and he grabbed your arm as you nearly tripped over and he let go once you were steady.

“I don’t get paid enough to deal with you tripping over.”

“Come on, I know you secretly like me.” You teased.

“You give me money, that’s enough for me.”

You walked into the shop, and Spike gestured to the bench out front.

“Sit.”

“Spike I’ve got to shop.”

He pushed you over to the bench.

“I said sit.”

You sat down and he held out his hand, and you rose a brow at him.

“Money.”

You handed him the money in your pocket.

“You better not runaway.”

“Oh please, you wouldn’t be able to catch up if you even tried.”

With that he walked away and not long later he came back out and handed you your bag once your stood up.

The following day at work, you were standing behind the counter doing some cleaning, when a familiar face appeared in front of you.

“Two visits in one week? Do you miss me Spike?”

“You shouldn’t be working.”

“I have bills to pay for and a very obnoxious but nice vampire to feed.”

He rolled his eyes, sitting down at the counter, and he looked around.

He didn’t do much but sit there while you worked, watching you wonder, clean tables, tend to customers.

He saw someone throw paper at you and you just seemed to ignore it.

But he noticed it going on over time, they would throw more and swear at you and you just took it.

So, when you next came over he grabbed your arm to make you stop.

“Why not beat the crap out of them?”

“I can’t, I need my job.”

He glanced over at them.

“How often do they do this?”

“Every night, it’s a daily thing.”

You smiled at him, setting a can of beer in front of him.

“It’s fine, I need to go back to work. Hang out if you want.”

You left and when you returned you noticed Spike wasn’t at the counter anymore.

Through all the people you couldn’t see him in the building, so, you had assumed he had left, and you went back to working.

When you shift ended, you noticed the night had been quieter than normal, and Spike was standing outside, leaning on the building.

“Hey, what’s up?” You asked.

“Let’s go.”

You furrowed your brows as you began to follow him.

“Go where?”

“I’m taking you home obviously.”

“Why?”

Spike said nothing and you glanced at him, but didn’t say anything either.

“What did you do to them?”

“Relax, I didn’t hurt them, I’m a tame puppy, remember?”

You walked in front of him, forcing him to stop.

“Spike.”

He raised his hands.

“We had words, that’s all. Just harmless words, which may or may not have included some very colourful threats, and the stealing of wallets.”

“Spike!” You hissed.

“Relax pet, they won’t know that I know you.”

He reached into his pocket, pulling out a bunch of cash.

“Oh, they wanted you to have this for your troubles.”

You laughed and you pushed his hand back towards him.

“You deserve it, thank you.”

You carried on walking and spike trailed along with you.

“Plus hey, doesn’t that mean you won’t have to come to the shop with me? You’ll be alright for a few weeks with that.”

“Wait, wait!”

He jogged in front of you, walking backwards.

“Let’s not be too rash, I mean I could earn twice as much here.”

“You don’t like walking me home, you’ve made it clear.”

“Who said that? I never said that.”

“So you do?”

“I never said that either..”

You laughed a little, shaking your head at him and you stood, crossing your arms to look at him.

“Spike?”

“Let’s go, it’s getting late.”

“I’m not moving.”

“Fine, I’ll make you.”

Spike grabbed your hand and he began to drag you behind him, and you laughed, jogging a few steps to catch up and he carried on walking.

You wrapped your hand around his and you stopped which made him stop.

“What now?”

“Uh… you remember those commando soldiers after you?”

“Yes?”

You looked at him.

“Run!”

You pulled him out of the way for a shot to just miss him, and you began to run down the street.

“You need to go home!” You yelled at him.

“Fat lot of good that does, they know where I live!”

“Mine then!”

You dragged him down the streets, and neither of you stopped running until you got there, and you threw the door open.

“Come in!”

You pulled him inside and slammed the door shut, locking it and you gasped for breath.

You saw spike wince a little and you looked up at him.

Turning on the light, you watched him take his jacket off and look at his upper arm.

“Come on, is nothing scared with these people?!” He hissed.

“I can fix it, come on, sit down.”

You grabbed a few boxes and sat on the couch next to him, opening the first one and he looked at you.

“What’re you doing?”

“Stitching your wound, then I’ll fix your shirt so you’re not such a baby about it.”

He took his shirt off and handed it to you and you set it aside and slowly began to clean and stitch his arm.

He watched you as you carefully worked, and a few moments later you finished, put everything away and picked up the next box.

Grabbing his shirt, you did the same thing and you looked at how dirty it was.

“Spike this shirt is gross, don’t you wash your clothes?”

“I’m sorry, remember me to push a washing machine in my tomb.”

You shook your head and stood up.

“I’ll wash it, I’ve got a spare shirt somewhere hold on.”

You vanished, and returned with a sweater for him and he looked at it.

Spike took it and put it on, and he trailed behind you as you went to the kitchen.

“Why are you so nice to me?”

You shrugged a little.

“You were nice enough to agree to walk me home each week, even if it was for payment. Plus I just don’t think it’s fair.”

“What?”

You turned around, leaning on the counter as you looked at him.

“That you can’t fight back, I think it’s only fair someone else could fight back. I mean don’t get wrong it’s good you cant.. you know, kill people or hurt them, but it’s still not fair, you aren’t a threat to them now.”

“You’re serious?” He asked.

“Well, yeah. They already made you harmless, I don’t get why they can’t leave it at that.”

Within a few seconds spike was across the kitchen and had you in a tight hug, and you laughed, hugging him back.

He pulled away, and you smiled at him, and he grinned a little.

“I think you’re safely my new favourite human now.”

“Awesome! Does this mean if you go all big bad vampire I’m safe?”

Spike planted his hands on your shoulders and he leant down, kissing your head.

“Absolutely pet.”

You grinned and wondered away, and he watched you go.

He never thought anybody would stick up for him, but you did, and you looked after him even though you didn’t have to.

You couldn’t left him there for the soldiers, you would’ve let him go without money, could’ve staked him through the heart if you wanted.

He saw you as somebody he had to protect now, he had to keep you safe, because he liked you

[macbooth]

full of childish whimsy in a hostile fashion tonight so here’s every shakespeare clown i can think of and whether or not i think i’d beat them in a fight

(i do not mean fools i mean clowns. they do not need to be the secret genius of the play. if they are stupid in every way shape or form i am including them here)

Puck (A Midsummer Night’s Dream) No chance. Bro’s got that magic and ALSO has a big strong scary fairy king as his bear, like, do not separate them. If I even tried throwing hands at this cunt I’d get torn to shreds and used as glitter dude, I’d be over. 0/10

Nick Bottom (A Midsummer Night’s Dream) I could but I’d feel bad. I also think he’d put up a really solid fight. Like this is out of donkey form, bro was a physical worker. Like I reckon I could win a fight with some of the tradies I’ve seen but I don’t think it’d be easy. Also he’s just really dumb so I would feel a little bad. Donkey form though, I’m running away. Scary as shit. I am afraid of horses though. 6.5/10

Touchstone (As You Like It) Absolutely I could beat the shit out of this man. I hate him so much. Full of hostility towards this fucker. His clothes aren’t even subtle I could find this bitch in the forest no time and hunt him down and rip him to shreds, fuckin court jester doesn’t even have the roughness of the country on his side. 9/10 (-1 point cause he definitely fights dirty but I just hate him so much I’d win)

Jaques (As You Like It) First off he’s absolutely a clown. Second off I’ve played him before so my word is gospel. Third off bro has no fucking chance against me. He’s a podcast bro who thinks I don’t know that Tame Impala is one dude. I’d ask him why we can’t print more money and he would explode instantly and it would be the funniest thing he did with his life. 10/10

Audrey & Corin (As You Like It) I’m lumping these two together cause in the show I did they were one character (and I also played them). I wouldn’t even want to fight these two. And even if I wanted to Audrey would absolutely be able to beat the shit out of me and I would thank her. Our setting was in semi-modern country Australia, that girl would have a shotgun. 2/10

Autolycus (Winter’s Tale) Just like Jaques to me. He might be a little bit harder because he’d change costume and I’d get confused because I have no object permanence but other than that what has he got. Bitterness? Resentment? Bitch so did I when I was 15 grow up experience love. 8/10

Falstaff (Henry IV parts 1 & 2, Merry Wives of Windsor) I don’t actually know about this one but he is very punchable. I feel like he’d let me punch him and I think one punch would be enough for me. I think that would satisfy my urge to punch him. He may be a knight but let’s be honest he’s shit at it so I stand by this. 4/10 (just cause I don’t really give a shit)

The Dromios (Comedy of Errors) I absolutely could beat them in a fight but I would feel So Bad. You see how they’re literally already treated in the play, I wanna give them a break. That being said they’re both kinda dicks but they’re going through it already so I’d wanna give them a breather. I would win though, even if they both were attacking at once. 7/10

Launcelot Gobbo (Merchant of Venice) He’s such a prick but I would be laughing too hard at his name to fight him. Bro’s name is Gobbo. Bro’s name is basically Gobby. Imagine being named Blowjob. I would lose my mind. I would laugh so so hard I would collapse. My heart would fail. Biggest L name out there bro. Launcelot Gobbo oh my god. 3/10

Launce (Two Gentlemen of Verona)  Nah man he has an attack dog. I don’t care what breed of dog Crab is in a production I fully believe he would kill for Launce, that’s just their dynamic. I understand them better than anyone else (I have a dog). Also he’s already working for Proteus, is that not punishment enough? 4/10

Speed (Two Gentlemen of Verona) I mean I definitely could fight him. I don’t imagine he’s got much fighting experience. But once again, he has to deal with Valentine which does feel like it would be cruel to inflict more onto him. Like Valentine’s not as bad as Proteus but fuck is he stupid. Also if I accidentally flubbed a punch Speed could absolutely tear me a new asshole with his words and I would sob and cry and literally never recover. 4/10

The Porter (Macbeth) Fuck no. Bro definitely has a knife on him at all times. I can’t explain why I think this I just do. He works night shift, he definitely doesn’t get paid enough for his dog shit job, he would absolutely try to stab me just to spice up his evening without me starting a fight. 1/10

Trinculo (Tempest) Yes. Sorry, you’re Russell Brand? L. I could kick your ass. And he’s like drunk for half the show, and almost fucked a fish. I doubt his judgement is good enough to say the alphabet backwards let alone dodge a punch. He couldn’t even get Caliban to kick my ass (who definitely could by the way) cause Caliban fucking hates him. Bro, failwife to Stephano should pay more. But it doesn’t. 8.5/10

Dogberry (Much Ado About Nothing) Without Verges? Yes. With Verges? No way. Those two are a power couple in the dumbest possible way. He would absolutely try to get me arrested though but I simply would not go to prison. What’s he gonna do? Send me to prison? I’m already not going. 7/10

Mercutio (Romeo and Juliet) No chance. Unless Romeo fucked up so bad like he did in the actual play, I would have no chance against this dude. I wouldn’t even want to even if I could. I’m a Benvolio stan first and foremost and a person second you think I’d wanna fight his bestie? Only exception is if it was an actual fight club and not just a pure fight out of hatred. I feel like Mercutio could give Brad Pitt Fight Club Realness, outfits included.  I would still lose though. 2.5/10

Don Adriano De Armado (Love’s Labour’s Lost) I reckon I could wreck this dude’s shit. You know that gif where the fuckin dude is doing all these cool sword moves and then he just gets shot? You know the one. I forgot where it’s from but you know the one. That would be this fight. Armado would bust out his flair, his razzle dazzle, his pizzaz, and I would just deck him I think. That’s the power you need in this world, I think. Power of fist to face. Peace and love. <3 8/10

Costard (Love’s Labour’s Lost) I do not think Costard would realise he was being fought even as he was actively getting hit in the face. I know how to say honorificabilitudinitatibus, he doesn’t even have that against me. Bro couldn’t even confuse me with that, I learnt that, like an adult. Anyway yeah I’d kick his ass. 9/10

Holofernes & Sir Nathaniel (Love’s Labour’s Lost) This is the same man to me. I would destroy them both. Fuckin nerds. Flowery ass language nerds. I support gay rights and gay wrongs but the only reason I couldn’t fight those two gay muppets who heckle is cause they’re too far away (in a theatre booth), these two gay muppets who heckle are right in front of me. I’d kick their tweed cladded asses. 10/10

Jaquenetta (Love’s Labour’s Lost) She is just like Audrey to me. I could never bring myself to hurt her. Also she’s pregnant and I feel like it’s fucked up to hit a pregnant woman just for fun. Also she could absolutely wreck my shit. Please wreck my shit Jaquenetta. 0.5/10

Moth (Love’s Labour’s Lost) This little fucker should be an INSTANT knock out but I just know this fucker bites. He’s a shit talking 8 year old? Oh he plays wolves on the playground, I just know it. He plays wolves and he’s definitely been suspended for it, I just know it in my heart. Sure, I could kick him, but he would grab hold of my foot and try to rip it off. We would shake hands and agree to part ways, having met our match. He, who plays wolves, and me, who played fairies, leave the fight with our heads high and respect in our hearts. I am kidding of course but I do think we would tie. 5/10

Lear’s Fool (King Lear) There’s already so much fighting going on, I don’t even think they’d notice if I just started kicking this dude. Not only could I fight him and win, I think I’d get away with it too. I’d win not only physically but socially too. What’s he gonna do? Tell his boss? Bro he’s preoccupied with his whole kingdom crumbling, grow up. 9/10

Lavatch (All’s Well That Ends Well) This is more meta but my hatred of this play would fuel me here. I would fight literally anyone in this play if given the chance, not a joke. I would get in the ring with literally anyone from this play, but honestly, out of them all I weirdly respect Lavatch the most, maybe because he at least knows that he’s a cunt, unlike literally everyone else who Just Suck. I do think he’s probably scrappy though, so I wouldn’t leave unscathed. I also think if he got the upper hand he would be so so awful about it, so I’d really have to fight. 6/10

Sir Toby Belch & Sir Andrew Aguecheek (Twelfth Night)  Andrew is canonically bad at fighting, and honestly I do not believe Toby would be any better. Love both of these guys but if I had to fight them both at once I think I would be able to just move out of the way and they’d bonk each other on the head like a cartoon. They’re just silly guys. 9/10

Maria (Twelfth Night) Every woman clown could beat my ass. Audrey, Jaquenetta, Maria, they are all so special to me and would all also fucking destroy me. Maria especially cause I just know she is full of hate. You don’t hatch a plan like the Malvolio plan unless there’s something deeply worrying about you. She’s a Scorpio to me. <3 I do love her, she’d demolish me. 0/10

Feste (Twelfth Night) Would actually kill me. -5/10

I know I’ve definitely missed some but uhhh don’t expect me to remember every clown even if I’m neurodivergent about these plays please. <3