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bunni-v1 · 2 years

Text

Housewarden Relationship Headcannons Pt. 1

Tw: Unhealthy Defense Mechanisms (Leona), MENTIONS of Possessive Behaviors (Azul & Leona), Allusions to sexual activities (Briefly in Leona’s part), Cursing (Lightly used, all parts), Bunni refusing to learn how to spell Heartslabyul consistently

Info: Headcannons, Fluff, Minor angst (if you really squint), Gn!Reader x Housewardens(Riddle, Leona, Azul, Kalim)

Summary: In the title.

Pt. 2 here

Jamil Here

🍓Hello lovies! First actual piece of writing, how exciting! Now, this is only the first part of the housewarden relationship hcs. Don’t worry! The other three will be posted soon enough, these are mostly a way for all of you to get a good grasp on how I write and to see if I’m someone you’d like to request from. Eat up and enjoy <3

Riddle Rosehearts 🌹

-Riddle is new to this, cut him some slack, okay?

-Seriously though, this poor sheltered sweetheart has no idea what he’s doing. You’re his first love, he’s stumbling through the dark trying to figure out how to be the “perfect” boyfriend.

-You’re gonna have to hold his hand for a while, just until his eyes adjust.

-He’s very — how do I say this nicely — stiff… in the beginning. Only because he’s still learning!

-He doesn’t quite understand romance yet, but he’s putting in a lot of effort to fix that little issue of his.

-Riddle tries his best to “study” the art of romance… and it goes as well as you’d think it would.

-Romance novels are an okay start, though he’s quite embarrassed to be seen carrying them around. (Ace caught him with them once and he hasn’t let it go since.) However, he feels like they’re shallow and aren’t realistic enough to be applied to your very real, very complex relationship.

-Looking online for articles and advice columns felt like a wild goose chase with the conflicting information he got from each source. Everyone had a different way of showing affection; Some implored gift giving while others urged the importance of physical contact. It did not guide him very well.

-Simply put: he gets tired of it quickly. Frustration with his lack of progress stunts his ability to be affectionate with you at all in the start, but luckily Trey and Cater take pity on you two.

-Trey and Cater take notice of their Housewarden’s frustration, and after a bit (read: a lot) of convincing, they manage to get to the source of the issue.

-Cater has a field day knowing his hotheaded Housewarden couldn’t figure out how to treat his lover right, and Trey just feels sorry for both you and Riddle.

-So, they both give him advice about what he should do for you. And he listens. Diligently. Be it for dates or gifts or anything in between — he listens, because he just wants to prove his worth to you. He wants to be good enough for you because he loves you.

-Hell, he’s even willing to go so far as to listen to Ace’s advice at times, so long as he thinks it’s helpful. He would do anything to ensure that you remain happy in the relationship with him… even… listen to Ace.

-Awkward compliments, odd looks, and strange gestures of what you would assume were affection are all commonplace for the first little while with Riddle.

-He’s trying his best to learn what you like while also teaching himself how to be affectionate in a more intimate way, seeing as his mother was anything but.

-Oddly enough, Riddle is at his most suave when he’s not trying to be.

-He assumes a handful of things are given in your relationship, and he fulfills them diligently, subconsciously. Compliments, truthful and honest ones, come naturally to him somehow.

-Little things like “Your eyes look dazzling in this lighting,” or “You look beautiful with your hair like that, you should style it more often?” Even the way he stands a little closer to you when he’s around someone you or he finds threatening (Floyd), or how he holds the door open for you without even taking a second to think about it. Simple, but romantic nonetheless, and he’s not even aware of it.

-A gentleman at his core, that Riddle.

-So despite his general floundering, he is quite the effective flirt… when he isn’t trying to be.

-However, what matters here is not how well he can flirt or how easy things come to him. No, what matters with Riddle is the amount of effort he puts into being your partner.

-You are not a fling to him — he’s not looking for that, you are someone he would like to spend a long time with, maybe even his whole life. He isn’t going to allow himself to settle for mediocrity, he’s going to put 100% of himself into this relationship, and it shows.

-Riddle’s love shines through in quality time. He’s a very busy guy, student body president, head of Heartslabyul with very chaotic dorm members (*ahem*aceanddeuce*ahem*), plus a highly demanding medical major that has him spending most of his free time with his nose buried in his textbooks and coursework.

-Time isn’t a given for Riddle, but he always makes it for you. Either through study dates, lunch together, or the rare date off campus when he can afford it.

-On top of that, there are times when Riddle moves his schedule around just to fit in time with you. Especially if you need him, he’s always trying to be there to support you as you support him.

-Thanks to his lack of free time, he values every moment with you — soaks in every word and thought you spill to him. You could mention something flippantly and forget about it and he would be the one to remind you.

-Furthermore, he notices the little things. As stated earlier, he notices when you change just about anything such as a clothing choice or hairstyle, and he’s sure to compliment you on it too.

-Of course, he expects generally the same effort back, but he’s surprisingly fairly relaxed about it. He has relatively realistic expectations since he doesn’t have preconceived notions of what a romantic relationship “should be”.

-Speaking of! Riddle very much is softer on you than anyone else. You’re still expected to follow the rules, but he lets most mistakes and slip-ups go ignored if it’s you who did them. He’s also more willing to let students off the hook if you’re around, he doesn’t like you being upset with him. (Ace owes you his life, seriously).

-However, it should be said that he does not tolerate any disrespect toward you. If someone even dared to talk down about you? Boom. Collared. He’s not joking around, not when you’re in the picture.

-The longer you are in a relationship with him, the more he exposes how fragile he is deep down. He doesn’t expect you to want to handle those deep scars his mother set in him, terrified you would find them ugly and deem him unlovable. Yet, you don’t. You stay, and you help him tend to the wounds resting deep within his heart.

-He’s very anxious and insecure about how he is perceived by you, especially after the overblot. Riddle needs a lot of reassurance, guidance, and gentleness from your end to help him overcome this hurdle.

-There are times he tends to second guess his ideas and actions because of his insecurities, and will almost always ask you multiple times if things he does and says are alright. Even things that you have told him, again and again, are fine, he always asks.

-And if they aren’t, it tears him apart. Your discomfort is the last thing he wants, and he will go out of his way to make sure the behavior changes.

-Riddle holds you highly and respects you nearly as much as his mother. Your opinion matters more than anyone else’s to him, so be gentle when telling him off and he’ll make the effort to better himself without shutting you out.

-Finally, Riddle is not a huge fan of PDA. He appreciates little things like hand holding, maybe a kiss on the temple or cheek here or there… but that’s it.

-He gets flustered if it extends past that, and if anyone dares point out the affection he might just explode. (Is he red-faced from anger or embarrassment, who knows?)

-Even in private he prefers words over touch, but he won’t deny physical affection. He’s very touch starved and practically melts into your arms at any chance he gets, just don’t tell anyone, okay?

-Overall, Riddle is a very good boyfriend to have. Yes, he’s a hothead and he’s clumsy and awkward, but he always tries his best. Not only that, he expects the same from you. A relationship with Riddle is a relationship where both of you can learn and grow together without fear of judgment.

Leona Kingscholar 👑

-Leona is, much like he is with everything else, a lackadaisical lover.

-That’s not to say he’s a bad one, in fact, he really can be an amazing boyfriend… but only when he’s up for it.

-The issue with Leona isn’t like what it is with Riddle. Leona has more than likely had multiple relationships (more like flings) that didn’t last very long for a multitude of reasons. He isn’t new to things at all.

-What it is, is his effort. The lack of effort he puts out in the start makes it incredibly hard to stick around for him, and he expects that.

-Think of it as his way of testing the waters — yeah it’s definitely not healthy, and you guys are gonna work on it, but this is Leona’s way of ensuring he won’t have his heart broken.

-It isn’t like he’s not trying at all either. He does do his part as your significant other when it counts, he’s just distant in the beginning. Hard to navigate.

-However, if you can get past that beginning phase and “prove” to Leona that you’re not just some random fling who wants him for his title or money, things change. The dynamic slowly shifts from mostly one-sided effort on your part to both of you working together to make this thing work.

-By shifts, I don’t mean that Leona is suddenly a sappy sweetheart who would lay his life on the line for you. No. He’s a selfish prick through and through, he wouldn’t change his whole persona just for some valentine.

-What I mean is that he begins to make an active effort to incorporate you into his day-to-day activities. He is, admittedly, a little softer on you than others. He can’t help it, he was raised to care for and respect his “mate” without any questions.

-Besides all that, Leona is… a hypocrite when it comes to you.

-Claims that he’s “not into that sappy affection bullshit” and then Ruggie finds the two of you cuddling in the greenhouse for the fourth time that week. Swears he “wouldn’t be caught dead” being touchy, but his tail is almost always wrapped firmly around some part of your body. On top of the tail, there’s a hand either on or floating around you at all times.

-In all honesty, he does mean what he says, he really doesn’t enjoy all the cuddly bullshit other couples do. With you though? It’s like he can’t help himself. There’s a subconscious longing in him that craves that contact and feeling that you give him. (You catch him multiple times holding his tail to stop it from wagging in excitement every time you come to visit him unannounced)

-Leona isn’t one to bend to other people's whims and wants. Independence is very important to him, and a long-term romantic relationship is not exactly something on his bucket list. Somehow you managed to get him — and to that he says checkmate.

-This means your relationship gives you a lot of freedom, not to be with other guys of course, (Leona would rather die than have some kind of reverse harem bullshit in his life.) but to generally be able to do what you want without him getting in your business. If you wanna tell him something, you’ll tell him. What’s the point in trying to force it out of you?

-Going back to my earlier point, he begins to account for you in his daily life. It’s lunchtime? He already sent Ruggie to get food for both you and him — yes, it’s your favorite. You’re really exhausted after your classes? Well, aren’t you lucky! He “just so happened” to take a nap on the route you take back to your dorm. Come cuddle with him, won’t you?

-They’re all things he can easily brush off too. Grand gestures that leave you gaping aren’t his thing. With Leona, it’s the little things that count.

-He really loves you. He knows it, you know it. Why should he make a big scene about it, it’s no one's business but your own.

-Of course, that isn’t to say he doesn’t do things for you just to see you happy. Are you really struggling in that class? Alright, c’mere, he’ll help you out. Your favorite dessert was out in the cafeteria? Well, he just so happened to go to the cafeteria today and got your favorite, don’t think that it'll be common, it’s a one-time thing. Got nothin’ nice to wear to some fancy party? You’re in luck, Leona’s got plenty of tailors who’d be happy to pretty you up.

-Again, circling back, he likes the smaller more subtle things. And to be fully honest, he doesn’t expect it back at all.

-This poor man spent his whole life being overlooked, why should he expect you to get or do special things for him without him asking for it?

-Well, Leona, I have some news for you: relationships aren’t one-way streets!

-Of course, he knows this, but again, the subconscious part of him assumes something, and that’s what his reality tends to be in the end.

-So whenever you go out of your way to do something nice for him that he didn’t ask for, he short circuits for a moment. He seriously has to take a moment or else he’d get flustered, and sevens forbid you to see him all embarrassed.

-What's even more, he really cherishes every single thing you do or get for him. You make him a bracelet and he never takes it off, even if it ruins his tough guy persona. Surprise him with some kind of dinner, he savors each and every bite of what you made and is sure you know how much he loves it. (He will tell you if something tastes bad… he’ll still eat it… but he tells you at least.)

-Okay, moving on. Leona is observant, scarily so. It’s how he so easily manages to slip himself into your daily routine, memorizes your favorite foods, movies, outfits, and everything in between within about a week of your dating.

-He notices every little change you go through. Knows just about every curve of your face and understands what every expression means. Which means he immediately notices your shifts in mood. He knows the second you’re upset by something — sometimes even when you’re not around him. You’ll be having a terrible day, and suddenly you’ll get a text from Leona asking you to meet him in his room. (It’s a bit odd, but Leona tells you not to mind it.)

-Anyway, despite popular belief in the fandom, Leona is capable of being gentle and caring when he wants to be! Shocking, I know! I can’t believe it either!

-Seriously though, he knows when he needs to stop being an asshole and kick himself into good boyfriend mode.

-He’s not the best at comforting, but he has a few decent frames of reference to work off thanks to his family, so he isn’t the worst either. He’s a really good shoulder to cry on and even better at calming you down and getting you in a better mood afterward thanks to his dry humor and matter-of-fact mindset.

-Emotions are not something that Leona does well with. He’s icy and closed off and all around very guarded. If you went through what he does, you would be too.

-Leona had essentially assumed he was absolutely unable to share his emotions with someone. Then you came along, and dammit you really know how to humble him.

-Despite how closed off he is to start, Leona really does crave that emotional connection deep down, he either just doesn’t know how to form those connections or allows his pride to get in his way.

-It takes a very, very long time to get to the point where he feels okay being totally emotionally vulnerable — and that vulnerability doesn’t come in waves like some other people on this list. Instead, it comes in little trickles, like a broken faucet slowly filling up a sink.

-It’s a long and tiring process, but it’s one that — if you’ve made it this far into the relationship — Leona sees is necessary to go forward with. It’s hard for both of you, at times it feels as though he doesn’t trust you. He gets frustrated at his lack of emotional availability, which manifests itself into unannounced anger. (Not toward you, he would never do anything to make you fear him.) He’s just a scared little kid so you both need to have patience, and eventually, the sink will be filled.

-If you reach that point, where he starts opening up to you, congratulations! You have a new permanent house cat for the rest of your life. Leona is attached to you, he isn’t thinking about letting you slip away any time soon, if at all.

-Lastly, shall we address the elephant in the room? Leona is a beastman and a very proud (honestly entitled) one at that.

-(Personal HC’s here) The way he displays his affection for you is fairly different than others on this list. You can expect a lot more head butting, like a cat seeking attention; He tends to “groom” you, aka brushing and playing with your hair or helping you bathe (if you’re comfortable with that, it isn’t sexual in the slightest, he would be thrilled if you allowed for him to care for you in such an intimate way); At times, he will lick you, always in private and if you comment on it he’ll get very defensive.

-Lastly, I suppose I need to address this somewhere as it's a very common head cannon in the fandom. Say it with me, everyone. “Leona. Is. Not. Possessive.”

-He values freedom and independence, he isn’t going to force ideals that do not personally align with his own on you. It’s unfair if only he gets to be around whoever he wants and you’re stuck to only the people he ‘approves’ for you. It’s stupid, and it makes him sick to his stomach with how dehumanizing it is.

-Of course, to an extent, he is protective, but not possessive. He wants to keep you safe and happy, and if he feels someone is actually causing you or your relationship with him harm, he will talk about it with you like a civil adult.

-As I said earlier he claims he doesn’t want any PDA… he’s a liar. (Sorta).

-Now, Leona is fairly slow on giving you any semblance of physical affection at the start, mostly due to his trust issues.

-Give some time, work with him on it, and suddenly he’s the one initiating all the contact. Hand on your back, your waist, over your shoulder, holding yours. He doesn’t really care too much what others think about it, you’re the best partner out there and he’s damn proud of it. If someone’s got a problem he dares them to bring it up to him.

-It’s a way to “mark his territory” or whatever — again it’s a pretty toxic mindset that your gonna have to work with him on, but the thought and execution are genuinely sweet. It’s more akin to Leona’s way of ensuring that you really love him, and he isn’t gonna have to worry about anyone bothering you. (Who in their right mind is going to bother Leona’s partner).

-However, the one thing he will never do is kiss you in public (where people can see you). Maybe he’ll kiss your temple or cheek when others aren’t looking, but otherwise, it’s a big no from him.

-Kissing and the like is something he sees as intimate, private. He doesn’t particularly want to share those intimate and vulnerable moments of his with anyone else but you. Isn’t he cute?

-Overall, Leona is another good one, it just takes a long ass time for him to get to that point. He’s got a lot of baggage he has to work through, and he’s lucky you stuck around to help him with it.

Azul Ashengrotto 🖋

-Azul… sweet, manipulative, capitalist Azul…

-This bumbling idiot(affectionate) makes Riddle’s stiffness look like grace.

-He’s somehow more inexperienced with relationships than Riddle is, and even though he desperately tries to hide that fact, it’s obvious.

-Unlike Riddle, Azul is very good at masking. He plays the role of the romantic heartthrob perfectly. Sweeps you off your feet, makes butterflies flutter in your stomach, and has your face heating up like a schoolgirl.

-However, this facade quickly falls apart. As the honeymoon phase fades away, you realize everything he does is practiced — far too perfect for it to be genuine. It’s not all that shocking either, this is Azul we’re talking about. The man who is so scared to be himself that he quite literally steals desirable traits from others.

-Truthfully, he does care about you deep down, and he isn’t trying to fool you into loving a false version of himself. He just… struggles to be himself. All he has ever known is that ‘Azul Ashengrotto’ — the real one beneath the mask — is undesirable and unlovable. How could he possibly be himself when he is the problem?

-So he hides from you to be loved by you, even though he knows deep down that isn’t the answer.

-It’s like his heart is singing a fluttering, exciting song, but his head is an incoherent banging of drums and cymbals and bells trying to drown out the melody of his true feelings.

-“Don’t get too close,” the drums remind.

“They could never love the real you,” the symbols taunt.

“They only want to use you,” the bells warn.

-When he realizes you’ve figured him out, he panics. The noise in his head is too much to bear, so he tries to shut you out. Hideaway so he can’t listen to his heart’s longing song.

-However — and this is a very important step for you to take — if you’re persistent enough to ease him out of his shell (octopot), and talk things out with him, he calms down.

-It’s a simple, basic action that any loving partner would do without question. Something that should be nothing of note, but it changes something somewhere in Azul’s mind.

-Suddenly, the horrid amalgamation of banging drums and clashing cymbals and bleating bells quiet. They’re no longer trying to hide the song in his heart, instead attempting to follow its lead.

-Going out of your way to ease him is something he finds odd, at first. Especially since you don’t want anything in return for helping him out.

-He won’t notice it initially, but that was the moment in which he realized he was safe with you; he could trust you. Azul Ashengrotto realized that he could love you.

-When he does finally connect the dots, he allows himself to be himself, with you. It’s not all at once, and it’s a struggle for both of you. Azul very frequently has to fight with himself to relax, but eventually, he shows you ‘Azul.’ Not ‘Azul: Dorm Leader of Octanivelle' or ‘Azul: The Shady Businessman’ ‘The Scam’ ‘The Ugly Octopus’ ‘The Crybaby’… Just ‘Azul’, who is relieved you like him so much even after seeing his “true self”.

-That doesn’t mean he stops being all those other things — those titles are something he takes pride in (minus the more insulting ones), and he won’t be abandoning them anytime soon. It just means that he’s not going to be those things alone with you.

-He’s just ‘Azul: Your boyfriend’. His favorite title of all.

-Speaking of titles, Azul has a reputation to uphold. That reputation leads to your relationship with him being almost entirely secret to the student body of NRC, null Jade and Floyd, of course.

-You aren’t actively trying to hide your relationship, per se, but you’re not trying to make it public either. Most Octanivelle students are aware of your relationship status just by the power of deduction, but others outside of the dorm couldn’t tell that much had changed.

-He doesn’t like to show any physical affection in public, and your meetings always seem to stay strictly platonic if you aren’t alone… it’s, frankly, exhausting.

-It isn’t as if he likes it either, but his anxiety and obsession with his public image shove its way into your relationship. If you manage to stick through this phase, things get way better, even if it is a little lonely.

-Luckily, you have two new amazing (read: bothersome) besties to tide your need for attention. Jade and Floyd are now a permanent part of your day-to-day life, whether you like it or not!

-Jade now sits next to you during your shared lectures, and he’s so kind as to even help you with notes and homework! Oh, do come by later and try this new dish he made — mushroom-based, of course. You wouldn’t want to hurt his feelings by skipping out, would you?

-Meanwhile, Floyd “follows” you around (more like he drags you around) and clings to you like you’re his teddy bear or something. He frequently makes you late to classes, and you can’t just push him off you or else he’ll get into a bad mood. C’mon lil’ Shrimpy, he’s just tryin’ to cheer you up. Isn’t he just so sweet, keepin’ you company when Azul can’t?

-Aren’t they just... the best…

-You can’t blame them, not entirely, at least. They just think you’re so fascinating. I mean, other than them, no one is really able to know ‘Azul’. Yet, you weaseled your way into being an exception. They just want to understand what’s so special about you that you have Azul of all people wrapped around your finger.

-Just let them watch you for a while, they wouldn’t cause you any serious harm… probably.

-Honestly, they’re around you so much some students in the other dorms think you might be dating one of them. With the way, Floyd hangs off you and with Jade’s subtle niceties (though it's hard to tell if he’s really being nice) it’s easy to see why they might get it mixed up.

-This situation presents a very pressing issue in your relationship: Azul’s jealousy.

-It stems from his inferiority complex, plus his need to control his image. So when he heard whispers that you’re dating one of, if not, both (no one bats an eye at the suggestion of that. Jade and Floyd are unreadable, and it’s not something that would surprise most people if it were true) of his ‘business partners' (read: best friends) he freaks out.

-Not at you, never at you, he’s far too whipped for that. He’s so, so in love with you and he knows you wouldn’t try and hurt him like this. Still, it sets off alarms in his heads that he just can’t ignore.

-You have a very honest, open conversation with him about everything. You explain your side and he does the same, both of you divulge why either of you is displaying said behavior and how it could change for the better.

-It’s a very mature conversation that, again, solidifies that Azul’s trust in you is not unfounded.

-You both came to the conclusion that your relationship becomes public, for Azul’s mental health, but also because the both of you really do miss each other and long for that affection whenever you’re close by.

-It’s not immediate, Azul gets very flustered with PDA when you first chose to be open about your relationship. Even just holding his hand makes him turn red in the face, but he eases into it with time.

-After some time, Azul ends up regretting keeping anything private in the first place.

-He realizes that dating you openly makes him feel powerful, in a way. He takes pride in being your boyfriend and talks you up without hesitation. Look at his amazing lover, they’re so talented and smart and out of everyone they chose him, so you all should be jealous of him. (Warning: Students should not let him know they are jealous of him, they will become his next ‘client’ purely for desiring you knowing that you are exclusive to him).

-Have I mentioned how smitten he is with you? No? Yeah, well, Azul’s absolutely head over heels, jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair in love with you.

-You won’t ever catch him admitting that, but it’s not like you don’t already know.

-He would do anything for you, all for the simple return of remaining his significant other… and maybe some kisses, please.

-Azul is, weirdly enough, very good at keeping up the relationship by applying some of his business practices to it. To him, it’s easier to think of dating as a transaction: each party must give an equal amount of effort for the transaction to process successfully. If one person does not match the other effort, then the transaction fails.

-As the relationship goes on, you would find yourself being able to easily have conversations about boundaries, emotions, and ideals in your relationship and your future.

-After his initial phase of floundering (haha, get it, because flounder from the movie—) Azul is a very communicative partner. Thanks, in part, to his businessman mindset.

-His jealousy remains a glaring issue, but he’s able to keep it under wraps and has mature conversations about the things that bother him with you.

-When Azul opens up, he spills all of himself at once. The vulnerability will come out in waves, and he fully expects you to be able to handle it at that point in your relationship.

-It is incredibly overwhelming, but it is equally as gratifying to see him finally open up and share the melody in his heart.

-Given everything I’ve said above: Azul is, by far, one of, if not the best partner to have on this list. (Perhaps that’s just my bias toward Azul talking)

-The main reason for my saying this is: that Azul, unlike the others, airs out his issues early. He couldn’t feasibly stay with a person he doesn’t trust himself with long term. The relationship would crumble within the first month if you didn’t get him to begin opening up early on.

-Him opening up so early allows for the two of you to become more comfortable with each other much faster than others. You’re able to form a secure bond rather quickly with him, and it’s very easy to keep up with your easy communication.

-Now, since we’ve gotten all that aside, let’s talk about the fun stuff! (Because I have so many thoughts about Azul. So many.)

-As I said earlier, Azul would do anything for you. All you have to do is ask and maybe give him some puppy dog eyes and he melts. “Of course darling, anything you want.”

-And the nicknames, god Azul loves to give you nicknames. He rarely calls you by your name, he prefers darling, my love, sweetheart, honey, beloved, angelfish, my heart, my pearl, etc.

-His favorite one is one he only uses in private because he’d rather die than have anyone know what a sap he is. (Like it wasn’t obvious before)

-He calls you his teddy bear. He claims that it’s a childish and stupid nickname, but it’s most fitting for you.

-Speaking of, Azul is a very cuddly guy in private. He is less affectionate in public but makes up for it with how sugary sweet he is when it’s just the two of you.

-Loves to have you sit on his lap while he does paperwork — it’s very distracting, and he hardly gets anything done, but you’re so warm and soft. He can’t say no.

-You have frequent dates at the monstro lounge, and most nights (with or without Azul) you eat with a discount so low it’s practically free. (Not even you get to eat totally free, he does have a business to run, Angelfish)

-Occasionally, if you’re there and he’s mostly free, he pulls you into his office and has you eat in there just to be around you.

-Speaking, Azul readily integrates you into his personal life. His office and even his dorm room are littered with your things mixed with his own.

-You’ll find a space cleared off on his desk just for you to do homework on while he does his own thing. Your own favorite books take up a good portion of his bookshelves. In his closet is a mix of his and your clothes, he even has a couple pairs of your shoes by his door. Not to mention the fact that you have a toothbrush next to his own in his private bathroom.

-He honestly can’t recall when you became so prominent in his life, but he wouldn’t dare mention how attached he’s become for fear of scaring you off.

-Azul is another observant type. He had you mostly memorized before you even started dating, and when you are dating he pretty much knows you better than you know yourself.

-This is a blessing and a curse. On one hand, he keeps on you about important things you may forget or miss if he wasn’t there to remind you. On the other, he knows you so well that at times he comes off as forceful and haughty when reminding you to do things.

-As I said earlier, Azul is very open with you in the relationship. He trusts you with his whole self, and he makes sure you know that you can do the same with him.

-Any problems you have, come to him won’t you? No shady deals or trying to scam you into a contract. Just you telling your boyfriend how you feel, and him listening because he loves you.

-He’s a good listener and is more than willing to give you advice or offer you help if you need it. No extra fees, no payback needed. He just hates seeing you upset, so let him put that smile back on your face.

-Truly, you have each other’s hearts in your hands, both of you could easily crush them if you wanted, but you don’t. You don’t because your relationship is built on trust, and there was never any thought that either of you would betray that trust.

-In the end, I firmly stand by the fact that Azul is the best possible boyfriend you could have on this list. Maybe it’s my bias talking, but a relationship built on trust and good communication should be one to last. He’s a genuinely sweet guy deep down, and he would absolutely adore being your partner, and would never take you for granted.

Kalim Al Asim 🌙

-Kalim is an interesting one, that’s for sure. Very different from the others we’ve seen so far.

-See, he absolutely would be an amazing boyfriend, there’s no doubting that. He’s caring, cheerful, easy-going, and pretty much every positive descriptor in the dictionary.

-Plus, Kalim is a very emotionally intelligent person. He could read and react to your emotions and give really good advice at any time, or just be your shoulder to cry on when you need one. He somehow always knows how to be there for you.

-Unlike the others on this list so far, Kalim’s relationship with you would be strong from the start. He’s open and affectionate, he doesn’t have anything he needs or wants to hide from you and he really loves you.

-He’s honestly the closest you’ll get to a normal relationship with any of the housewardens.

-The honeymoon phase is amazing. Both of you are lost in this blissful wonderland where everything is perfect; the sun is brighter, the air more clear and life is perfect in every way.

-The honeymoon phase can only last so long, though. Eventually, both of you move out of it, and that’s when issues begin to pop up.

-With Kalim, there are four things you need to address to have a stable, long-term relationship with him.

-The first one is boundaries. Kalim is not good with boundaries, as is obvious in his relationship with Jamil.

-He gets excited, and he thinks that you would always be excited and willing to do what he wants to do.

-He pushes you along, practically forces you to try things you don’t like or do things you would rather never do. It’s all in good nature, he would never intentionally do something that made you feel extremely uncomfortable.

-Sometimes it’s a good thing, you learn you like a new food or enjoy a different hobby. Other times, most times, it can be miserable and puts you in a sour mood.

-It doesn’t help that Kalim would have no idea as to why you’re mad, and misinterprets your annoyance to be at something else most times, because why would you be upset at the fun thing you guys just did?

-It’s not malicious, it’s not intentional. He’s just a spoiled little rich kid who was never really told ‘no’.

-What he needs is for you to grab him by the shoulders — literally grab him — and tell him no. Explain why you don’t want to do that, and that he can’t force you into doing it.

-He’ll stop immediately, the last thing he wants to do is upset you. He doesn’t fully understand what you mean at first. It isn’t like he’s stupid, he just has never had anyone hold him back before (other than Jamil, who struggles to keep him in control as is).

-After you have this conversation he goes above and beyond (read: finally does the bare minimum) to not only respect your boundaries but work on trying to learn and respect others too. (Jamil thanks you from the bottom of his heart).

-He still messes up sometimes in his excitement, but he stops immediately if you voice your discomfort with it.

-Contrary to popular belief, Kalim is very capable of having mature conversations, especially now that he was a college student with real responsibilities. If you just tell him you need to talk about things, he sits down and talks about them with you. He’s very good at obeying the boundaries that you set clearly for him, and he never crosses the line because he loves you.

-Secondly would be Jamil, which sounds like a joke, but I’m being serious here. Jamil is probably the toughest obstacle for you to get over.

-Despite how much he claims to hate Kalim, and how they’re now on ‘equal footing’ after the blot. Jamil is still his servant. Those instincts of ‘protect Kalim’ and ‘ensure Kalim is always happy’ don’t just go away.

-Jamil wants so badly to not care about your relationship, and honestly, he really doesn’t care at all. You keep Kalim away from him, wonderful. However, if he stopped caring, and Kalim got hurt because of you, it would fall on his shoulders. His family could suffer. (Most horrifying to him, he would have to deal with a heartbroken Kalim).

-He is constantly scrutinizing you at the beginning of your relationship. You feel watched any time you’re with Kalim, especially within the Scarabia dorms.

-Asks you seemingly innocuous questions that eventually turn more interpersonal and are incredibly uncomfortable for you to share with someone who you only know through your boyfriend. He’s not afraid of using his UM to get the truth out of you either, so it’s best to just answer his questions honestly.

-If, somehow, you manage to get past Jamil’s rather passive-aggressive assessment of you, congrats! The hard part is over!

-Jamil actually ends up appreciating you, and depending on your personality he might even want to consider befriending you (not likely).

-You keep Kalim in line, and you’ve saved him quite a few headaches since the relationship began. It’s like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders, he has free time now. (Not a lot, but much more than before).

-Though at times, he feels like both Kalim and your personal babysitter — both of you having a penchant for attracting trouble and unsavory people — having to keep both of you in his sights most of the time so you don’t get yourselves killed.

-Speaking of, the thirdly would be your safety, which should be obvious as to why this is such a big worry.

-NRC is a safe school with a magical shield that protects its students from intruders, there is no way anyone is getting in, especially not to the dorms or lecture halls.

-You don’t have to worry about being targeted yet. It doesn’t even cross your mind, but it’s on Kalim’s a lot.

-Despite how nonchalant he is about previous attempts on his life, he knows it isn’t normal — definitely not something you’ve ever had to deal with.

-Kalim isn’t stupid or ignorant, he’s aware of what his status means. He’s aware of what that status could do to you. With his college graduation being two years ahead of him, the looming presence of his future role haunts his thoughts.

-His family name holds a lot of weight, and just being associated with them — let alone dating the first son and heir — is like painting a big red target on your back.

-He’s scared for your safety. It’s okay if people want him dead if they want to poison his food or curse him or try to stab him to death in his sleep. It’s alright if it’s him, but not if it’s you.

-Of course, you disagree. Both of you are equally as important and he shouldn’t be acting like any of that is okay, whether or not it’s his norm.

-He’s normally light-hearted and relaxed, even during serious conversations — it could come off as condescending if you didn’t know Kalim so well — this time though, he wasn’t. He wasn’t, because it was about you and your safety. It was about potentially having to give you up to keep you safe.

-He is fully ready to accept it if you decide to leave him — you would be smarter to do so — choose a life where you won’t need to be watched every second of the day or have servants check your food before you eat or have other people die in your stead.

-Despite knowing all that, if you chose to stay. If you decide to work it out and assure him that you were well aware of what a life with him would look like before you started dating him, Kalim calms down.

-He’s still on edge, of course. Absolutely nothing in this world could possibly begin to prepare you for the things you’re going to see and experience as his lover — good or bad.

-With your reassurance and bravery and stubbornness to stay by his side, he’s able to have a serious conversation about the future you’re getting yourself into. Prepare yourself for the things you’re going to have to do, rules you’ll have to follow and the like so you can stay safe.

-Instead of being stressed, it’s relieving to both of you. It was like a huge weight was lifted off your chest, and you feel lighter than air with it gone.

-With those three main issues out of the way, Kalim feels more comfortable approaching the fourth and most important worry of his.

-His family.

-See, Kalim talks about you to his parents… a lot. They’ve wanted to meet you for a long time, but Kalim always had an excuse to keep you away from them.

-He isn’t ashamed of you, far from it, he just wants your first meeting with his parents to be special. He wants to be sure things go well, so he stalls with both you and his family.

-Family is everything to him. He loves his siblings endlessly, and his parents mean the whole world to him. He’s incredibly close to them, and their approval is pertinent for him to keep this relationship.

-Not only that, but him being the Asim family heir puts extra pressure on your back. You not only have to prove yourself as a loving partner but as a competent and trustworthy business partner for Kalim.

-No pressure or anything.

-Lucky you, Kalim is your boyfriend, and Jamil is your (tentative) friend.

-Kalim is convinced he can just make his parents love you (he probably can), but Jamil being the realist he is goes out of his way to help get you at least a little prepared for what’s to come.

-All that stress and prep work ends up not really mattering in the end, because his family loves you the moment you step into their home.

-Thanks to him constantly talking about you to his parents, they already adore you. His parents gush about how cute she thinks you are and talk about how they admire your work ethic and determination. (You’re not sure exactly what Kalim told them about you, but it must have been very convincing)

-You’re treated like you’re already married to Kalim, servants bending backward to get you whatever you want, dressed in the finest silks, eating only the best food. (You argue that nothing is as good as Jamil’s cooking, and Kalim agrees wholeheartedly, so the poor guy gets stuck making meals for both of you the rest of the visit)

-Oh, his siblings adore you. Of course, some are more skeptical than others, but they all eventually fall in love with you just from how happy you make Kalim.

-After all that, you and Kalim can finally be secure in your relationship. You both did so much growing together, so if you’re at the point where you’re meeting his family, you’re likely going to be stuck with him for a long time.

-As stressful as everything I listed seems, your whole relationship feels very easygoing. That’s thanks to Kalim’s very go-with-the-flow personality, it puts you at ease even when things look grim (hehe).

-He’s a very comforting person, just being around him can put someone at ease, so just imagine how comfortable you feel.

-Despite his issues with respecting boundaries at times, the most important thing to him is your comfort. He won’t cross any lines that you draw for him, he won’t push you any further than what you’re wanting to go. You just have to tell him.

-He’s a very cuddly guy — if you want to be with Kalim you’re going to have to like physical affection. He’s almost always touching you in some way, be it one of you holding the other, standing shoulder to shoulder, holding hands across the table, and everything in-between.

-So PDA is almost a must with him. He’s not even trying to show off (okay maybe he is a little, but you can’t blame him, you’re just so perfect) he just really loves to love you.

-It gets on other students' nerves sometimes, but no one really wants to tell Kalim off, so you never get reprimanded for it.

-Jamil, on the other hand, is very vocal about how much he wishes you two would stop being so cutesy in front of him.

-Speaking of, poor Jamil has to suffer through all of this. Being around Kalim so much, he gets a front-row seat to everything you do. The only positive to come from it is that you and he get to know each other better.

-He sits through Kalim gushing about you for hours, Kalim asking him to do things for you now… just… Kalim is in love with you and wants to share everything with Jamil.

-Kalim isn’t jealous or possessive or overprotective, he doesn’t think to be. You wouldn’t betray his trust and he wouldn’t betray yours, so what’s the point of getting worked up over silly stuff like that?

-He’s a fan of grand gestures. Like throwing a huge party for your one-month anniversary or interrupting one of your lectures with a huge bouquet just because he wanted to give you flowers right then and there.

-He spoils you, essentially. You get everything you want, need, and more. Eventually, you’ll have to tell him to stop, because you don’t have room for all the stuff he gives you.

-No worries, you can just put it in the treasure room until you can take it home.

-He just really really wants to show you how much he loves you all day every day.

-You have your soft moments though. Like when you help him study, and you get to lean on his shoulder while he works through a difficult problem.

-Falling asleep on his shoulder or vice versa during a movie is a very common occurrence, and sleepy mornings where both of you just stay in bed for a while longer are some of the sweetest moments you’ll ever experience.

-He’s all around a good guy, and he’d make for an amazing boyfriend. He’s the easiest guy on this list to start and keep a relationship with. Most of the issues you deal with are out of his control, and the ones he can control he tries hard to make them easier to deal with for both of you.

Thank you for reading lovies! Have a wonderful rest of your day! 🍓

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst x reader #twst x you #twisted wonderland x reader #x reader #azul ashengrotto x reader #azul x reader #leona kingscholar x reader #leona x reader #riddle rosehearts x reader #riddle x reader #kalim al asim x reader #kalim x reader #riddle rosehearts #leona kingscholar #azul ashengrotto #kalim al asim #bunni's treats - 🧁

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rolaplayor101 · 2 months

Note

So I've just read your post "A Silent Voice Aspec Analysis" and I am so happy but I wanted to ask is...how exactly is Shoya from OAA rep? Could you direct me to all instances which made you think that he is? Thank you in advance!

9/13/22

So it’s been a year and a half since I got this ask and I’m only now answering it— I think about this ask a lot, and it’s not that I don’t want to answer it, it’s that I was waiting for the right time. I wanted to answer it during either asexual awareness week or Arospec awareness week last year or even the year before, but either because I forgot or because I procrastinated it, I never got to it. Now it's ASAW 2024, and I have finally decided to lay down and write this essay, so here we go:

There’s a few points I want to discuss, but in respect for the reader’s time, I will lay them all out right here as a tl;dr before I write them all out thoroughly.

Shoya shows himself to be both repulsed by romance and sexuality as soon as it is pointed towards him. This presents itself in his dialogue, his facial expressions, and his thoughts throughout A Silent Voice.

Shoya often is seen blushing in most instances, whether he’s with Shoko or not, of if he’s embarrassed or upset or neutral. With this point, I think it’s poignant to say he has rosacea.

Shoya himself says multiple times that he is not interested in Shoko, who is his main concern for all of the manga.

The way other characters in A Silent Voice show attraction is completely different from anything Shoya ever does.

The movie changes certain aspects of the manga to get the overall point across and stick to the most important plot lines. One of the things that it changes is literally all the scenes where the other characters assume Shoya likes Shoko romantically, unless it specifically pertains to Shoko’s side of the story, the character who DOES have romantic feelings in this pair for the other.

Shoya shows his immense dislike for romance and sex a variety of times, as aforementioned, but does seem to enjoy physical, sensual touch, including holding hands, and, secondly, the only time he feels jealousy in reference to other people's relationships is not when he thinks Shoko is dating someone, but when he sees her getting closer platonically with other people(Sahara).

The entire story is about Shoya trying to redeem himself for past deeds, and learning what friendship is. Romance only ever ties in when it’s related to other people that aren’t him.

This might have to be split into multiple posts because I have a lot of manga panels to use as reference. First, let’s start at the beginning. On the very first page of chapter one, we are immediately met by Shoya experiencing allonormativity and looking extremely annoyed. As soon as he hears the word “boyfriend” he is amiss, as is implied by the boldness of the word boyfriend. He immediately informs them that he’s not her boyfriend, with a sweating face, and balling in on himself, a thing he does multiple times to show he’s uncomfortable and anxious, while also always having the four little blush marks under his eyes as a character design choice, not a proof of attraction.

In fact, one of the first things we learn about Shoya is that he doesn’t like girls, next to the fact that he’s not supposed to jump into the River, he doesn’t like his mom’s nickname for him, and that he has a sister whose boyfriend sucks, because he can’t “play with them”. Crushing on one doesn’t even cross his mind, but it does for everyone else he interacts with in his class:

“isn’t that great, Ishida?” Naoka asks in response to learning that the new transfer student is a girl.

“Huh? I don’t give a crap!!” He replies, his expression one of genuine confusion and annoyance, with his eyebrows furrowed downwards and his pupils small, mouth low on his face without a hint of a smile or blush.

Shortly after we have a montage of him bullying Shoko along with his friends, we are met with his first instance of romance repulsion at a young age:

Amongst being touched— holding hands with a girl— he does not blush or smile, neither does flowers appear around him in thematic fashion of romantic attraction; instead, he looks angry, his brows furrowing, even the lines of rosacea on his face disappearing to show him paling in disgust. The next panel with his face shows him grimacing, a shadow falling over his eyes and bags appearing under his eyes with sweat pouring down his face. He is not enjoying the physical touch from her. Finally, as he whips his arm away, a blush appears on his face, but only as he hears his friends behind him laughing at him. He’s embarrassed and angry. We get the second bout of amatonormativity from his friends:

He’s blushing, but not from attraction, like his friends joke, but in embarrassment. The next scene shows Ishida saying a word that appears over and over from here on, and the dialogue is, “she’s creepin’ me out” as he walks away with Kazu and Hirose. We will get back to that.

This is only the beginning of Shoya’s journey through navigating allonormativity and deconstructing what friendship means to him. His “friends” aren’t good ones, for sure, and this comes up as a theme throughout. In fact, the allonormativity keeps on even til the end, but I’ll expand on that later, as well. Skip only a 20 pages later, and you’ll see this little scene:

Here, Shoya actively reveals his repulsion towards romance once again by even just being around a place where people go on dates often, and gets angry and upset. Now, it is a common trope for children in tv to hate romance and be seen to grow out of it, as if it’s childish to see it as disgusting and unlikeable, but, in Shoya’s case, even as time passes, he continues to share these feelings, although more quietly, with his elementary school self. Even here, when he’s all scratched up, you can see the blush on his face when he notices Shoko seeing him, but again, this blush, in context, doesn’t seem to be one of attraction, but of embarrassment. In context, he’d just been pushed around by his ex-friends, and chastised by his mom, and has now been seen kicking a wall. There’s no romantic tension or reasoning to this scene for it to be a blush of romantic attraction on his face.

Time skip to him in his teen years, senior year, in chapter 5:

He’s being a bit dramatic by the end, but even so, in the beginning, it’s obvious that his thoughts are his own. In the ten year anniversary edition, his dialogue is, “And you butt-ugly bastards, stop talking about dating. It makes me sick.” This change in dialogue leaves out the “it doesn’t suit you” which can change the connotation a little bit. It changes the meaning from, “You acting like you can date the way you are is creepy” to “just talking about romance at all is gross to me”. And then, sexually, it’s also the same. It’s not only romance, but sex that also creeps him out. “That goes for you too.” (These are also taken out of the movie, because it’s once again not relevant, and also makes Shoya more palpable as a character you can be sorry for. His comments here do sound a lot like endorsing rape culture in a victim blaming kind of way). Then there’s this little nugget a few pages after:

“Apparently, there are some things in this world you just can’t attain. The moment I realized that, my future became clear.”

One of the noticeable things he “can’t attain” is a girl or boy to be in a relationship with in high school. That, or if you look at it in things he can’t be a part of, like, say, being in the class photo, or getting into college, or being In a group of friends, or having a full head of hair, etc., it’s also possible to view the scene of him walking past the couple as him not being able to avoid seeing couples, as all the other things he is actively working towards or interacting with/looking at. As in, “I won’t be able to be in the class photo, I won’t be able to avoid couples, I won’t be able to go to college, I won’t be able to make friends”, or, “I won’t be able to be in a relationship” whether that being because no one wants him or because he himself doesn’t want to be in one despite everyone else in school wanting it so badly, due to the allonormativity he’s experienced convincing him that’s the case.

After this scene, we are back in media rez, where he just denied being her boyfriend. In that context, he just the other day thought about romance being something he either can’t attain because he doesn’t want it, or can’t get it, and when these aunties call him Shoko’s boyfriend, he shows a rather plain disgust and discomfort with it, implying that it’s something he doesn’t want, instead of can’t get.

Then we get this legendary scene: ”Nishimiya…could you…and me..be friends?”

He has a blush here that is unlike the usual four lines we see on his cheeks under his eyes; this one is further into his cheekbones, and it's not from anger or embarrassment, but rather from a shyness. And this shyness doesn’t come from romantic feelings, but for platonic feelings. His words inform the expression, that he wants a friendship with her. And then this happens:

His expression changes instantly. It’s not necessarily one of disgust, but of panic, of discomfort. He’s still blushing, but he’s sweating now, just like before, in elementary school, and he can also hear the ladies in the back making comments just like his friends from before. He’s not angry, as his brows are raised instead of furrowed, but he’s deeply unsettled.

In this next set of panels, Shoko notices the ladies and pulls away, and Shoya’s face is a bit different and more comical. He’s still sweating and blushing, but his mouth is open wider as if to say something, and his hand is limp. When she pulls back. There’s a spark that’s closer to her than it is to him, which I think symbolizes a sudden awareness on her part rather than his. He also looks a bit happier that she let go, with only one sweat drop on his face instead of multiple. His brows are also more relaxed, and his mouth jaw is closing slightly. This is presumably how Shoko is seeing him in this moment.

And when someone interrupts, presumably one of the women who were laughing at him, he gets all stiff again and his blush mostly disappears. Then the panels start being viewed from either Shoya’s side or from his perspective again. Fast forward to when they’re feeding bread to fish a few minutes later.

He blushes at the thought that he’s having a normal friendly conversation with Shoko, the girl he used to hate, not just “a girl” or “a person my age that’s a girl for the first time since I hit puberty”. He’s not blushing at a romantic encounter or moment, but that he’s making a friend, he’s nervous that he has zits in his face, not because he thinks she’s pretty or something like that, that doesn’t even cross his mind, but that he can have a positive relationship with someone who isn't in his family or someone he works with. And someone he ruthlessly bullied five or six years ago.

Another example of his Asexuality comes right after this, when they both jump into the water under the bridge to rescue Shoko’s old notebook. He accidentally looks up and sees her skirt lifted, but he immediately closes his eye and looks down again without a blush on his face, and immediately focuses back in on finding the notebook without even a moment to get his bearings. It doesn’t bother him at all.

sorry about the bad quality, i had to take this picture for the sake of time instead of finding it online.

The next chapter features the biggest theme of the entire manga and anime besides redemption:

This is brought up again once Shoya meets Yuzuru, who wants to keep him away from Shoko. Yuzuru asks, “Are you really her friend?” And it brings about this entire thought process for Shoya, again and again, in the series. And then he meets Nagatsuka:

This is an example of my second point: Shoya’s blushing. A lot of “evidence” people give for Shoya liking Shoko is that he blushes around her a lot. This is a false equivalence, for Shoya blushes all the time and for anyone and any reason. Here, Nagatsuka does something extraordinarily nice to him for no reason, and he blushes, his confusion evident in the furrow of his brow and him asking, “Why’d you do all that for me?” In the 10th anniversary edition. Nagatsuka’s friendship from here on causes him to blush just as much as Shoko, and it doesn’t stop there. Later in the series when he befriends Miki, he’s also seen blushing around her, and not only that, but there are symbols seen around characters all the time to forward the notion of different points of view within a panel.

Image 1: Blush blush blush~ all of this at the notion of friendship, a complete turn around from whenever anyone mentions romance or sex around him. He’s forming connections with people for the first time since middle school, or even elementary school, to further Point 7. His need for platonic relationships greatly overshadows any hint of romance that is ever brought up, especially with Shoko.

Image 2: Miki sees herself as cute, which is why the bubbles appear around her, signaling a slight pov change. Shoya himself never shows any interest in Miki, nor Miki for him, and it especially shows in this scene with his expression and his thoughts not at all aiming towards her. And when Miki says Mashiba is handsome, a particularly aesthetic, romantic, or sexual form of attraction, this is something Shoya doesn’t even notice; yet, when she says Mashiba wants to be his friend, his eyes go wide with sudden interest. His disinterest towards romance and sex also take into account men, as well.

Image 3: once again, Miki has bubbles around her, but this is not Shoya’s pov until the next panel. This is a good example of background and environmental symbolism not necessarily reflecting on Shoya’s own thoughts and feelings, but those around him.

If we go to the movie, in image 1, this scene is shown with Shoya and Nagatsuka doing a secret handshake, which has a lingering touch between them that doesn’t make Shoya uncomfortable like Shoko’s attempt at handshakes/handholding does, and it’s in the midst of a conversation about friendship, in contrast to how the ladies from sign class assumed it to be a romantic thing with Shoko and Shoya. And speaking of, shortly after image 1, we run into them again:

Once again, the blush appears, but his brows furrow and he has a frown on his face that shows his discomfort, along with the sweat. He runs away because he’s embarrassed, not because there’s any truth to what they’re saying. This bring us again to point 3: Shoya points out multiple times that he does not like Shoko romantically. For the sake of convenience, I’ll add the rest of the times that he does this, and the chapters, to show that he doesn’t change his mind even by the end of the manga.

chapter 15

Chapter 20 (genuine confusion, doesn’t see it as romantic in the slightest, regular rosacea blush on his face. Pure amatonormativity and relationship hierarchy)

chapter 21

chapter 40 (this one needs further explaining but I’ll do it in the next post)

chapter 41

chapter 61 (til the very end, the literal second to last chapter, his friend is being allonormative while he’s perfectly happy and blushing at his friendship with Shoko. His expression holds a seriousness that implies it’s not a joke on his part, as well as the excited look he has as he gets an answer to the question)

Since I can only post 30 picture at a time on tumblr, I’ll stop the post right here and finish on a reblog some day. Yes, I know about the interviews with the author, and yes, I’ll supply those in due time as well.

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jenyifer · 6 months

Text

Found Family

So had a conversation with @burnsuncomet about found family and how that effects the main 3 boys in Only Friends. I am going to warn you up front this is based on my own queer Journey and those I’ve seen. Everyone has a different experience so I might be talking out my ass.

Mew has a different found relationship to Boston and Ray because they were raised in a lgbtqia household. My ex was lucky enough to grow up as the youngest child by a lot in an extremely accepting family her older brother transitioned and her family was there for him every step of the way. My ex’s family attends prides and events proudly they always have. She is aware of found family but to her it doesn’t mean much. She finds it boring… why focus on that? Mew has the same problem. When you are loved so much by your family there is no reason to have a deep relationship with your found family. It doesn’t mean the same. Mew liked the idea of having a found family that’s why we see his photo of the group in his home and all of his fantasy books which often have non romantic groups of people coming together for a goal. Mew idealizes a family but it just doesn’t mean as much to him. He’s never had to rely on it solely. We see him half heartedly trying to keep the group together. Ultimately his found family wasn’t as important as his relationship with Top.

Meanwhile Ray and especially Boston needed a found family. Ray because his dad neglected him after his mother passed away and didn’t care about his queer label. Boston because his parents divorced and he has to be in the closet towards his parents. Boston keeps a photo of Mew, Ray, and Cheum in his bedroom because they mean so much to him. Boston and Ray have such a close relationship because they need eachother but unfortunately they can’t fully understand one another thanks to both of their separate mental issues. But they try. That’s why we see Ray being conflicted over kicking Boston to the curb he knows what Boston looks like when he’s hurt. Boston has been there for Ray in the past in some capacity. Boston kept trying to keep his facade up being a loyal dog for his friends because their bond was so important to him. He talked to Atom in the first place for Cheum. He had talked to him many times because Cheum is his family. We also see Ray suffering because Cheum says she isn’t willing to put up with Ray’s selfishness. He’s in pain because he’s realizing in that moment his actions have ripped apart his found family forever.

To me found family is so much more than friends or my actual family. My actual family can never accept me. I watch their kids and when I suggest maybe a tutor for a kid or activities to try with them I hear “how dare you talk about my kids you will never be a mother. You are going to hell.” And then I have to except the apology those people are my family. With my found family they let me make mistakes. I have internalized queerphobia and I have to keep learning. My found family support me challenge me genuinely care for me even though we aren’t blood. When I compare my experience to my ex I can see I tend to reach out to fellow queer individuals 1v1 trying to understand them. While she is willing to go out to pride and do events charities. Community on a large scale. Unafraid. We need that too. But it does mean we view friendships very differently like MewBostonRay.

I’m sure Boston will take the opportunity to return to his found family given the chance. He misses them. He loved being able to be himself with them. I think he underestimated what it would take to destroy his found family. He is so confident in himself Boston thought he’d be able to ride the storm and Mew and Ray would value him the same way he valued them. While that’s been proven to be untrue Boston still loves them even though he’s now aware the only one who cares for him is nick. Even though I feel like he shouldn’t forgive them I understand his need to have his friends back in his life before he leaves. They are still his family even if it’s one way. At some point they were all he had and the only time he could be himself. Ray also is recovering from his alcoholism and has to come to the conclusion is problems lie within himself and he’s the one who has to change. He may miss Mew and Boston but he’s recovering so I doubt he can look beyond himself but when he does I think he’ll ache for his found family again. A relationship is just not enough. It’s wonderful but having someone who understands you at your side while you struggle with your own family or relationship is something people like Ray needs.

#only friends the series #only friends #ofts #only friends meta #ofts meta #only friends boston #only friends ray #only friends mew #ofts Boston #ray pakorn #mew witsarut #ofts ray #ofts mew #jenny’s rambling

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limeade-l3sbian · 5 days

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i’m not so much talking about whether you would like it or not, but rather: do you see yourself as a person who needs romantic companionship in your life eventually? obviously you won’t disintegrate without, but i’m talking needing as in for your psychological and physical well-being in the long run.

i’ve come to realize i cannot relate to this and people who aren’t able to go without being in a relationship are to me so strange, even though that honestly seems to be the norm. i don’t even want a romantic relationship. not to say i would be against falling in love and all that but i don’t dream of it and i certainly don’t crave it. i’m curious how you are in this regard? obviously i don’t know you, but you strike me a someone who functions well alone too.

i get that wanting romance is normal in theory but i don’t understand why.

there’s lots of other things i totally get the need for, but this and sex are two things that are on the same spectrum of inconsequential to me. that’s also why i’ll never be able to rightfully contribute to the celibate convo that’s been going on in radfem spaces in regards to heterosexual women, because even though i’m not asexual, i genuinely don’t get the big deal of living without romance and sex. people will say it’s unfair to ask that of anyone and i’ll think it probably IS for the average person, but to me it still seems totally unrelatable to not be able to live full lives without it. this isn’t a convo of to be or not to be celebate btw, i’m just adding it as an example of when this feeling of not needing romance has really shown it’s face in my life and hindered my, i guess, empathy? and that’s why i never join that convo bc i can see i’m the odd one out.

it’s honestly so embarrassing to an extent. i wish more people spoke of this but when i’ve tried to speak of it in some contexts elsewhere, i immediately get labeled all these different things like “aromantic” and “asexual” and i’m just not. i’m not against romance. it’s not that i can’t feel it. same with attraction and such. but it’s really easy to ignore for me, like no biggie. there’s so many other bigger more important emotions and experiences in my eyes. almost everyone wants romance and partnership but to me it just seems kinda tiring and risky. like why risk my peace for a thing that does in most cases end by breaking up for whatever reasons? it’s not me being scared of it but i don’t see the point of the effort i guess..

friendships i get and they are important to me. i don’t see them as replacements or anything for romance. i just value those more and i think they seem more genuine to me? i’m not in a situation where i couldn’t find safe partners bc i am bisexual with mainly attraction to women but even then i still have no desperation for love like that. if it happens, that’s cool but i’ve come to realize that if i don’t actively seek it out it’s pretty easy to go through your life without any romantic relationships in peace. obviously the same maybe can’t be said for ultra attractive people but for mediocre folks like myself, life is pretty peaceful in that regard unless i actively tried to put myself out there which i won’t lol.

it’s not like i hate seeing romantic stuff. movies or books with romantic plots can be super cute and enjoyable for me but i don’t crave those things in my life even. when i see it. i don’t sigh after it. it’s like seeing a video of someone trying bungeejumping. it looks fun and cool but i wouldn’t go out of my way to seek the experience out because my life is fine without it.

am i totally alone in this feeling i wonder

I think in recent years there has been a weird push for romantic relationships and what the "best version" of them looks like. And, to be honest, your assumption is correct.

I think I cared in high school I got swept up in wanting to date because teenage romance seemed so romantic to me. But now, as an adult, I feel no intense need to be with someone. I'm not asexual and I'm not opposed to love or sex, like you said. I just...don't care? I just care about having people in my life who I care about and who care about me.

And with the asexual thing. In an increasingly hypersexual world, I think people are quick to "other" those of us who just don't really care. So if you don't crave love and need sex, you must be asexual. Which is...false, on a lot of levels.

To be honest, this whole reply could just be me restating, "Like you said" lmao. You and I have a pretty mutual feeling about the whole thing. I'm at peace with the state of my social life. I don't feel any pressure to be married or to date or whatever. When it happens, it happens, and I go for it. But when things don't work out? I mean, that's just life, I feel like.

#ask

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chirpsythismorning · 11 months

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Saying gay Mike would be hated by the ga bc that would mean that he used El all those years, is homophobic, just like saying bi-Mike would be hated by the ga bc that would mean he could have just stayed with El if he is also attracted to girls, is biphobic.

Bylers using either of these as the basis for why their interpretation is most likely to play out in canon, just makes me cringe bc why are we even wasting time giving validation to homophobia/biphobia as having the last word for how the show has to play out?? Is that what it all comes down to then? Appeasing bigots??

Gays aren’t evil or trying to intentionally hurt others, least of all gay kids that are figuring out their sexuality. Let’s not act like being gay wasn’t seen as being broken or needing to to be fixed, meaning that going along with what society views as normal, was and still is seen as the only option for queer people in general. And I say queer people in general bc you don’t necessarily have to even be gay to experience questioning your sexuality and feeling like you have to do things because everyone else is. Arguably we all go through that! But especially gays in the 80’s bc for a lot of people back then, it was a matter of blending in to survive (for many it still is).

Bisexuals aren’t evil or trying to intentionally hurt others for falling out of love, losing feelings, or just merely not being attracted to/compatible with someone of the opposite sex. Straight people are capable of recognizing that they aren’t attracted to or compatible with every person they meet of the opposite sex. Does any of that make them less straight? No. So why is it so hard to understand it’s the same way for bisexuals and even queer people in general? Nobody, bisexual or otherwise should have to stay in relationships with someone they no longer have romantic feelings for, just bc they’re attracted to them or even were just confused and thought they were but it ended up not being enough?? Attraction is important, yes, but feelings are arguably even more so (especially when you have something else to compare it to, causing the dilemma in the first place). I mean look at Stancy/Jancy? Is Nancy viewed as problematic for being attracted to Steve and having deep feelings/being attracted to Jonathan, and having conflicting feelings about that? No! And so why should it be problematic for Mike?

The reality is, homophobes are going to hate Mike if he comes out as queer, regardless of whether he is revealed to be gay, bi or unlabeled.

This is why basing Mike’s sexuality on the backlash of bigoted audiences’ is a moot point to me.

I mean, as it is, most of the general audience already hates Mike as a result of his behavior in s3-4, and this is straight Mike we’re talking about! I’m obviously not referring to milkvans or Redditors, bc they only make up a minority of hardcore fans who hate byler and will defend Mike to the point of demonizing El. I’m talking about viewers that have seen the show once through each time a new season releases and then move on afterwards without being in online spaces. That is the majority. The majority of the general audience, homophobic or otherwise, does not like Mike anyways at this point. So, who the hell cares what they think about queer Mike in the end??? They’re already anticipating going into s5 and continuing to dislike him, so the argument that the show can’t do this or that bc those same people won’t like him?… That ship has already sailed.

If anything I could see the non-homophobic majority accepting queer Mike, regardless of what label he ends up identifying with, bc then at least it will finally give them some clarity about where that resentment they had for him was coming from, ie misunderstanding him completely and now finally getting some answers.

At the end of the day, bigots will do what they do best. They’ll make up any reason they can think of for why queer Mike is wrong. And so why should we base our interpretation of things on what will be more palatable to those that the show was never intended for in the first place?

#byler #gay bi mike discourse #just another Thursday in the byler tag #being a ‘remains to be seen’ truther is hard #so many are dead set one way or the other #and I just can’t defend ppl that have to shit on one to defend the other #like I’ll see a bi Mike take and be like I LOVE THIS but then it’ll end with something homophobic and it’s like ok nvm #like I just don’t see a need to tear down gay mike to get back at the problematic gay mike truthers #leave him out of it 😭#seeing homophobia/biphobia doesn’t mean you get a free pass to inflict that hate casually #two wrongs don’t make a right in this scenario #I’m an I love mike wheeler no matter what he comes out as truther till the end #and I’m willing to entertain evidence that exists out there for both #but it’s hard to support both sides when at times it comes with this cloud of homophobia/biphobia #bc I just can’t subscribe to that #and when/if mike is revealed to be gay/bi/unlabeled #please don’t be hurtful to others that ended up being wrong #like… it’s just so gross out here sometimes #we’re all real people outside of this space let’s try to remember that #let’s make this space one that’s worthwhile for those that want to be apart of this community #otherwise it’ll cease to exist bc no one will want to be here

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sisterofficerlucychen · 1 year

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in this essay i will explore why halo by beyonce fits chenford perfectly because i’ve lost my damn mind, yet again. i mean what else is new, really? anyhow, buckle in and enjoy the ride! ♡

Remember those walls I built? Well, baby, they're tumbling down And they didn't even put up a fight They didn't even make a sound

who had walls when we first met him? who was utterly broken and just trying to survive? tim. while lucy didn’t necessarily come into tim’s life trying to break his walls down, she definitely succeeded in doing so. she helped bring back the light inside of him and reassured him that he was safe through her action and words. every single moment they’ve had since the beginning has progressed in tumbling down the walls tim built because of all the trauma he’s endured. while it was something that he probably didn’t realize at first, once he did, there was no going back. because he’s the thing, who has tim always listened to? lucy — stopping him in front of isabel’s apartment, making him reflect back onto the experience with the gardeners, fixing things with genny, even encouraging him to listen to ashley. she’s always been his voice of reason and the one person he’ll listen to even if he’s moping or arguing about it.

but here’s the thing, this also fits lucy. as self-aware and as much of an open book as she is, lucy has walls. they’ve just been so much more well hidden than tim’s. she’s always had commitment issues. jackson points it out once when he tells her he knew about her and nolan; tim points it out twice, once after she’s dealing with the break up with emmett then again when chris ambushes her about moving in. relationships aren’t her strong suit and my take on it at least is that it stems from her relationship with her parents. for two psychologists and a psych major, the chens are their own little bubble of complicated but it’s so easy to see how this has affected lucy and caused her to put up her own walls. tim being the exception to this rule. he may have decided she was worth his time to train but she definitely decided that he was worth her time to understand. which i think kind of comes into play with tim being the only person to break down those walls.

“if we do this and it doesn’t work, i’ll have ruined the most important relationship of my life.” it wasn’t until this moment that both walls completely fell. they both jumped into relationships with other people and stayed in them because it was safe, because the stakes were to high for either of them to even think that being with each other was a possibility until lucy said that. it placed them both on the same page.

It's like I've been awakened Every rule I had you breakin' It's the risk that I'm takin' I ain't never gonna shut you out

which brings us to this part. tim’s reaction when lucy confessed this. TIM’S REACTION WHEN LUCY CONFESSED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! it’s like he saw his life flash before his eyes in the sense that a. it confirmed she had feelings for him too and it wasn’t one sided and b. that for once in his life, he was someone’s top priority because even though nothing romantically had happened until this point, lucy saying this was so crucial because everybody else had put him second: isabel (to drugs), rachel (to a dream job), and ashley (to not wanting to be afraid of the what if’s). anyway, i guess what i’m trying to say is tim’s reaction was that first lyric. though him leaving lucy’s apartment in 4x22 also gives the same vibes. BUT THE IMPORTANT THING HERE IS HOW THIS VERSE IS ESSENTIALLY 5X08. because here’s the thing, this is: “some things matter more”. tim does not break the rules. ever. except this was perhaps the biggest risk he’s ever taken and the man didn’t even blink. the “unless it is” when he tells her that thEY ARE WORTH THE RISK. THEY ARE WORTH THE EFFORT. for someone who pushed everyone away at his lowest point, who tried time and time again to push lucy away, this was the moment where he welcomed her with open arms and embraced their future together knowing it was the beginning of something that mattered more.

Everywhere I'm lookin' now I'm surrounded by your embrace Baby, I can see your halo You know you're my saving grace

they’ve saved each other, time and time again. there are so many moments in the literal and figurative where they have saved the other: lucy pulling tim out of the line of fire when he was shot on her second day; tim giving her the ‘bradford special’ which probably saved her life when she was shot and it caught the bullet; the entirety of day of death; lucy believing in tim enough that she recorded an entire audiobook for him; lucy helping him with the ordeal with his father; tim giving her ring back and the survivor speech when she was still struggling. they’ve always had each other’s back, no matter where they fall from they know the other person will catch them.

not only this but they are 100% the other’s safe space. one thing that always has me on the floor sobbing is any time lucy feels like she’s stuck, it’s tim she literally turns to. i keep thinking back specifically when they were in their ‘pining/angst era’ and despite things being awkward between them, lucy turned to tim immediately when she felt cornered. remember when bailey was in the tank asking for nolan? lucy got stuck, she didn’t know what to say or how to lie and she desperately turned to tim to save her. same thing when grey asked if there was a reason they couldn’t ride together. she awkwardly tried to come up with an answer and ended up turning to tim for him to answer the question.

Hit me like a ray of sun Burning through my darkest night You're the only one that I want Think I'm addicted to your light

lucy is absolute sunshine. she is a literal ray of light that sees the best in people, she’s compassionate and empathetic, she doesn’t give up on others too easily. this is important because of when she came into tim’s life. she saw the worst version of him and decided that he was someone who was worth the effort in trying to get to know and understand. the more she learned about him, the more compassion she showed him.

every obstacle tim has ever faced since they’ve met, she’s been by his side. obviously, the range of her involvement depends on the season and where the progression of their relationship is but nonetheless, she’s been there for him. the beautiful thing here is that it works both ways.

he’s also always been there for her. from when he stayed with her in the hospital after she was rescued to when they learned rosalind escaped and his immediate reaction was to comfort her as he squeezed her hand before taking them somewhere private to check on how she was doing. tim may be a ‘grump’ but it doesn’t mean his light doesn’t burn just as bright because he is also sunshine in his own way. which is something lucy knows. the way she’s been sticking up for him since season 1. she’s said it too, comparing kojo to tim, when abigail commented that he was all bark with no bite, coaching little league. tim is just as much sunshine as lucy is in parallel ways.

they are who the other needs in the toughest, darkest times because they know how to support each other. they are each other’s light and each others rock.

I swore I'd never fall again But this don't even feel like fallin' Gravity can't begin To pull me back to the ground again

who tim dated after isabel is interesting because of how it can be linked to lucy. his relationship with rachel was a direct correlation to lucy getting involved. they made a bet with each other and she won short sleeves, he momentarily won the girl. his relationship with ashley is a little more complex to tie to lucy but i’d argue you still can because the green dress callback basically confirmed that there was clearly something there when they saw each other at wopez’s wedding at the end of s3. by the time tim met ashley, tim and lucy had already fallen for each other and both were denying or hiding their feelings. did he date ashley because he couldn’t be with lucy? i don’t know. he seemed to genuinely like her at first but i do think he stayed with her because of lucy. that double date should have been the biggest red flag for all of them, especially chris and ashley of not getting invovled with them. yet nonetheless, they both continued to explore their respective relationships.

except neither relationship was clearly meant to last. they both stayed in them because it was safe and it was perhaps easier to be with someone they did care about but not were in love with than to be alone and without the person they actually wanted to be with.

but going back to that first line of the verse. i don’t think tim considered falling in love again with someone who truly loved him back until lucy. rachel was fleeting, the job in new york was more important than her relationship with tim; ashley didn’t want the same things he did and would tim have settled? maybe, who knows. but lucy. she’s worth the effort, she’s worth the fight, she’s someone who wants what he does. this is the part that at least gets me because i do think tim had resigned to not having the life he wanted and here’s this absolute ray of sunshine who has basically confirmed to him that she wants that same life too and that he is worth the effort, that he matters more.

additionally, i think this also ties back to the slow burn. the way they fell for one another happened in a way where you can’t really point out where they fell but rather when they knew. every little moment, every scene captured something new with them. it was unexpected and while it was scary, once they realized where they stood, they were both in it without a doubt. i know we’ve yet to see them test the “you deserve to be with someone who’s worth the effort” but even in what we’ve seen like when they were struggling about how working in the same chain of command affected them, breaking up was never an option. they were going to work through it one way or another

in conclusion because oh my god i wrote a novel??? but also if you’re still reading this i love you so, so, so much?? i feel like i should buy you coffee or something for reading my late night ramblings. ANYWAY, i think this song just perfectly embodies how they decided to take the risk and is essentially the cumulation of their slow burn. it feels very much like the “some things matter more” because despite the obstacles that they’ve faced, they’ve made it to each other. they are the other’s light, they are the other’s person, they are the other’s love of their life.

fin.

#the rookie #chenford #tim bradford #lucy chen #chenford: an essay

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newsiesficchallenges · 9 months

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Would you maybe be willing to go over the process of tagging on ao3? I've never used it before so I can figure out most of it but the entire posting process is new to me

Of course!

If you don’t mind, I’m just going to cover all of it, because you aren’t the first person to ask this.

So- tagging!

In simple terms, tags have the same purpose on AO3 that they do on Tumblr. They’re to inform you of the content, summarize and warn, and to help organize the search system. They can be complicated, and daunting, but can also be largely unique if one so chooses. I’ll explain how in a minute!

By adding a tag, you are inserting your work into a list, or a system, of other works that fall under the same category. For example: if you are writing a Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski work, and you tag that relationship, the work will show up when you search that relationship. It’s one of AO3’s best features, and a way an author can gain popularity in a fandom.

Now, starting at the top of your AO3 form, we have the rating. Now, I like to think of your rating as a movie rating. Everyone has a little bit of a different view on these, but for our collective purpose of explanations, let’s use this standard guide.

The first one is general audiences. This is a PG rated movie. Minimal language, some sexual and adult jokes that might fly over someone’s head, and little to no violence. You would let your 11yo cousin read this fic and not be concerned.

The next is teen and up audiences. This is your PG-13, TV-14. We’ve got curses going around, but not all of them. Sexual jokes, light sexual content that probably doesn’t go very far. If there’s violence, it’s Marvel movie, see blood but no gore style.

Mature is where things get interesting. Say whatever you want, have the smut scenes, and shoot outs in the alleyways. Children aren’t allowed into this R-rated movie, but we all know it’s for the 15+ girlies who are reading on their computers in the dark.

And explicit is anything goes, basically. If you’re reading an explicit fic, and you get surprised by what you see, that’s a you problem. ‘Tis the smuttiest of the smut, the most hardcore violence and angst, and characters run rampant in their actions and words.

And then we have the warnings! These are what I consider to be the most important, because a lot of these things are triggers. It’s pretty self-explanatory, as you can pick and choose anything that applies.

Fandoms is also pretty self-explanatory. You use AO3’s list of fandoms, and click whatever fandom you’re writing for. For this exchange, you would type Newsies, and select the options and forms of the show you took inspiration from.

Categories is more confusing, I think, primarily because one can never decide if you want to click every button that applies, or just the important ones. In my personal experiences, I tend to just click whatever option represents the main ship I’m writing for, and then make sure I tag anything that doesn’t fit that category in the relationships tags. You are definitely free to select everything, though!

Relationships is pretty important, just for information purposes. Most people search AO3 through specific relationships they want to read, and so I make sure to tag everything I can, just for algorithm and accessibility reasons. You can tag the romantic relationships (the ones with the / between the two character names), platonic relationships (the ones with the & between the character names), and everything in between, depending on how you want your fic viewed, and how you want it sorted in the tagging system (by this, I mean if you want it put in the list of ‘x’ (ex. Harley Keener/Peter Parker) works, falling under a specific tag). And if you want viewers to be aware of the different relationships, especially the romantic and platonic ones, always double check that you have selected the right tag (again, for romantic there’s a /, and for platonic there’s a &).

Characters are also important, but I want to stress that you do not need to tag all of the character that appear in your fics. I would simply tag the ones the work focuses around, or that have an impact on the story. It will take you forever to tag everyone if you’re writing a longer story.

Additional tags is another very confusing thing. A lot of people view them as similar to Tumblr tags, like I said earlier, and this is where you can have some originality, like the Tumblr tags. When I am adding additional tags, I will read the story as I tag it, and make sure I add tags that apply to the important bits. You can keep it professional, with just the tags that will help get you more readers, and trigger warnings; or you can have fun with it, and simply put your thoughts about the work there, as another summary; or you can do a mixture of both. I do a mixture, and will add tags that add the work to popular searches, and add a running commentary/summary as I do so. This part is completely up to you, and you can explore what you want to put by typing random letters or names (things will pop up by either most common or alphabetical order, depending on what you’re typing) into the search bar, just to see what shows. My main suggestion- and pretty steadfast requirement for this exchange- is that you make sure you have a tag for plot points that might be triggering for some. Other than that, the world is your oyster!

That’s it! Hope that helps! If you have any more questions, let me know!

#newsies fic exchange #92sies #livesies #newsies #newsies 1992 #uksies #west end newsies #west endsies #1992sies #ao3feed #ao3 #ao3 tags #ao3 stuff #archive of our own #archive of my own #ao3 question #ao3 works

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shrikeseams · 1 year

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Welp, @nailsinmywall and @skyeventide were chatting on twitter and woobiefied!Celegorm came up. And I’ve realized that I have two semi-elaborate Celegorm headcanon/interpretations spawned from attempts to make Celegorm less fucking tedious to me. I don’t think they quite make the cut for woobiefication, but they ARE marching in that direction. I think this at least qualified for meow-meowification.

Like all good headcanons, one revolves around Orome and one around Aredhel LOL. Honestly it’s all about motivation. Because bitches love to coddle a blorbo who does shitty things for “good” reasons.

Hokay, so. Celegorm and Orome. I realize that this is an unpopular opinion, but Celegorm/Orome is Not For Me, and I prefer to skew the relationship to focus on what Orome’s job represents to Celegorm, rather than a romantic relationship.

Because Orome’s role isn’t just hunting for funsies. His calling is to guard. “He is a hunter of monsters and fell beasts[.]” It’s not the same thing as hunting for food or trophies. It’s about being a first line of defense. It’s a very sincere and solemn duty, and one that would have been obviously important to someone who a) spent stretches of time in the more dangerous parts of Araman and b) intended to leave the safety of Aman with the rest of his family, like Celegorm. Depending on when you think Feanor started talking about leaving Aman, it’s very reasonable for Celegorm to pursue an apprenticeship etc in Orome’s hunt specifically to support the end goal of leaving Aman.

So Celegorm has accepted this intense, important duty and obligation to Orome and the community at large, in a time and place where there is relatively little need for it. And then suddenly, Morgoth tips his hand and reveals himself to be unreformed! There is more need for Orome than ever!!! And Orome…

Stays home.

Celegorm arrives in Beleriand and fights orcs and wolves and ect etc and sees that Orome’s dedication to everything he taught Celegorm is conditional. Celegorm is in Beleriand, doing the work, whether for selfish or altruistic reasons, and Orome just… isn’t.

Now, there are different ways to interpret the emotional fallout here. But I’m included to say that Celegorm was… if no longer devoted to Orome once the family withdraws to Formenos, then at least still sympathetic and drawn to Orome’s ethos. If nothing else, Huan’s ongoing presence suggests that Celegorm still shares Orome’s calling, even if he’s no longer a member of Orome’s cult.

But I think once he arrived in Beleriand and seen the effects of Orome’s abandonment… he becomes increasingly bitter about his former god. Bitter in a way that I think is unique among the Feanorians, because Orome specifically has abandoned his professed calling in favor of obedience to Manwe. It’s not just the Exiles who have been abandoned, it’s everyone East of the Sea! It doesn’t matter if they aren’t Doomed and never thought of kinslaying, because they have been summarily judged and punished for actions they’re literally separated from by multiple generations and thousands of years. Celegorm has made this protective/defensive role his life’s calling, under Orome’s tutelage, and Orome has made it clear through his actions that the work he made central to Celegorm’s life was something Orome could just walk away from.

But throughout this all Celegorm is still doing the work. Orome walked away, but Celegorm didn’t, and I can’t imagine he’d be anything but bitterly proud about that. I don’t think it took long for him to be doing the work in spite of Orome, rather than in Orome’s honor or even far-distant partnership.

It's a bitter disillusionment and stripping of faith that I tend to think of as a hallmark of the religious lives of the Exiles. But Celegorm’s explicit textual relationship with Orome, and Huan, and (presumed) defensive work in Himlad makes it a good case study. The Valar’s collective failure to live up to their own PR would have made the Eastern forces at least feel justified in their actions.

So now I have hopefully established that Celegorm’s (bloody, dangerous, violent) work on the front lines of Eastern Beleriand is part of the borderline religious cultural role that Celegorm has chosen for himself. He is perhaps glad to be applying his chosen craft, but scornful that he’s doing it with no greater help from Orome than Huan. He is very probably angry that Thingol doesn’t give two shits about these defensive obligations. Hypocritical, since Celegorm’s mostly there because of the Oath, but it’s mostly a constant low-grate irritation. Nothing too serious.

And then everything falls out with Aredhel!

Because the thing is: years before Celegorm ever laid eyes on Luthien, one of Elu Thingol’s kinsmen seduced and eloped with the daughter of the high king of the Noldor, AT BEST. The most charitable version of that relationship is an illicit seduction, an elopement without so much as notifying Aredhel’s father, and then pursuing her like an animal when she decided she was done with the relationship. And even if that’s the reality and not just the most charitable explanation, I cannot buy that Celegorm felt remotely charitable about the situation.

So from Celegorm’s perspective, what happened is that one of the people he was pouring blood, sweat, and tears into defending had abducted, seduced, definitely abused, and very possibly sexually assaulted one of his favorite cousins. And then they both disappeared into the ether with no justice done that Celegorm would have heard of, and certainly no apology from Eol, let alone Thingol.

Who wouldn’t be in a blind rage at Doriath, in his shoes?

And then the Silmaril quest is Thingol very literally adding insult to injury. The silmaril quest is a very neat and tidy insult to both Beren (who Thingol obviously wants dead) and the Feanorian East. After all, the Feanorian East was just recently devastated in the Bragollach, and Himlad not the least. The silmaril quest is Thingol’s way of saying “You’re not a player on the field anymore. I’m top dog again, and I’ll treat you however I want.” Which is, even with the kinslaying, a pretty shitty move! And it’s one that, quite frankly, the Feanorians have to answer in some way, or they’re basically acknowledging that Thingol is correct. Letting it pass wouldn’t just make it more difficult for them to claim one silmaril, it would make it harder to get people to help them deal with Morgoth and the last two silmarils! It’s kinda dumb, but that’s politics bay-bee.

So when Luthien wanders on by… Hey! A hostage! Luthien offers a great opportunity to pay Thingol back tit-for-tat for both Eol’s treatment of Aredhel and Thingol’s deliberate insult to his former allies. His attraction to her is just gravy.

Essentially, I’ve decided to interpret Celegorm as someone who chose to devote himself, body, heart, and soul, to a god/personal calling to defend his family/community/species, and then had to find a way forward in life when the very same god abandoned that calling, and then some of the people he was defending stabbed his family in the back. Like, damn. I don’t think I would react any better. If I had spent centuries of my life dedicated to the bloody, violent defense of a frontier (a defense that had been abandoned by the powers-that-be that I had been raised to expect to help), only to find out that someone from another cultural group that I was defending had trapped one of my best friends in an abusive relationship? And then like, a century later the leader of the same political group (who never apologized for what happened to my BFF!) very explicitly made a major political challenge to me and my family? And then I get the chance to reprise the crime that he never apologized for on his daughter? I would be fucking tempted. And the threat alone, without intent to follow through, would be enough to pry apologies out of Thingol and stabilize the Feanorian power base.

#Tolkien #I think I’ve said almost all of this before in other posts #but it doesn’t hurt to have the whole vision of how I’m tentatively approaching celegorm in one place #not really sure how the kinslaying plays into all of this #increasingly feeling like I’m writing an essay for class but I’ve gone off-topic oh well #when celegorm heard what turgon did to eol he thought it was the only worthwhile thing turgon did during his whole time in beleriand #as always: any research done was half-assed at most #this also hinges in my assumption that Aredhel’s marriage was kept very hush until she ran #and that gondolin never told anybody shit about shit #this got out of hand

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bookofmirth · 10 months

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For gwynriel, I’m not sure how sjm is going to incorporate sex into their relationship, if she does but I think she will since she talked about how Azriel is a freak & there have been scenes playing in her head, but I’m really curious to how it will be put in. I wonder if she’s going to have them become very close friends with Gwyn teaching Azriel valkyrie training, their banter becoming intense, them being competitive and maybe they start fwb. He helps her become comfortable with male touch (I think her becoming comfortable will start with them training though) & helping her take control/claim of her own body. He’ll understand her boundaries, respect her and consent will be very important to him. Like that one anon said, I could see a teacher/student thing going on and even a dom/sub, but not necessarily about power. A respectful balance. Companionship. Understanding. Az teaching Gwyn and encouraging her. Wanting her to feel comfortable in her body. To feel safe. He will want her to make sure she knows she is in control (she can use a safe word) and can let him know when to stop at any time. Every time they have sex will be a different/new experience. It won’t always be freaky. It can be comforting as well. Or they can start with sex it’s soft and once she gets more comfortable, it can gradually become freaky.

If they do become fwb, I kind of want them to have crushes on each other first, even if both are oblivious to each others feelings, because I could see E/riel’s saying “y’all aren’t complaining about them having sex but when az was fantasizing about elain it wasn’t okay”, so it would be easy to say Azriel saw Gwyn beyond sexual fantasies unlike Elain. I understand Gwyn when it comes to be being assaulted. It hits close to home. I can’t speak for everyone that is a survivor of assault, but I read how some survivors of sa find healing through bdsm. I don’t think Azriel will be full on Christian Grey. He won’t be sadistic. I could see bondage, shibari, blindfold, impact play (nothing too harsh), dirty talk, praise & a few other things. The most important thing for me, is that Gwyn is happy and that she can heal. Also, I think it would be cute if they go book shopping together and pick out books for each other. I’m sorry for how long this is!!

He helps her become comfortable with male touch (I think her becoming comfortable will start with them training though) & helping her take control/claim of her own body. He’ll understand her boundaries, respect her and consent will be very important to him.

See, this is how it would make sense to happen. SJM saying that Az is a freak doesn't mean their first sexy or romantic encounter is necessarily going to be full-on sex dungeon hardcore - and even if it were, that could be absolutely what the characters need and want. What is healing and emotionally fulfilling for one person can be completely different for another.

But Az being a freak also doesn't negate consent! Or eliminate his awareness of Gwyn's emotional state! I know people use this as a gotcha for gwynriel not happening, but sjm has already written sexual relationships that are consensual, thoughtful, and considerate of the characters' history and emotions. (Plus acting like survivors across the board can never have sex is just gross.) Obviously she has written other types, but that's not what we are talking about here, clearly. She always makes that distinction obvious.

And the thing is, it looks different for everyone. Like you said, different approaches can put Gwyn back in control of the situation - that can include bondage or blindfolds or non-missionary style sex which can be just as healing and right for that character. It just shows, to me, a lack of empathy and an assumption that one person's experience is universal. If healing were one-size-fits-all, then the whole therapy/psychology business would be done. They'd find The Answer and then pack up shop.

I'd expect that, if we were to see things like that between Az and Gwyn, then Gwyn would be the one calling the shots. She'd be in control.

But also, I'm curious how much of the "freaky" exists purely in her head, and how much would make it to the page. She never even gave us that threesome in acosf :(

I think it would be cute if they go book shopping together and pick out books for each other.

I LOVE THIS. Gwyn is already research-minded and reading romance novels. She's already curious. That can definitely extend beyond seeing what happens in romance novels, especially if she gets to put things into practice. Someone put this in a fanfic STAT.

#gwynriel #ask #anon

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mysweetland · 2 years

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Sunny and Basil 🌻☀

Let’s talk about Sunny and Basil’s relationship. (Because I’m in too deep but I don’t want to get out).

(Heavy spoilers from Omori, if you haven’t played all the routes the game yet, please don’t read this until you do >.<)

With that being said, this is just my humble opinion, I’m open to all interpretations and I do not wish to engage in a shipping battle, that is definitely not my intention. Idk why I decided to write a whole essay but I love them too much, okay? 😂 also, if you like Omori and Sunflower, let's talk. I have so much to say 🙈

(This turned out very long skngfl)

Okay, here we go:

I’ve always thought that Sunny and Basil’s relationship is very interesting. They are each other’s anchors in a way, have been since they met. I do not think that either Sunny or Basil would ever find what they found in each other in someone else. Though they can be close to Aubrey, Kel, Hero and Mari, there’s some sort of chemistry between them both that can’t be unmatched with anyone else.

Now, I do not mean to say that the other relationships they have aren’t important or that they don’t love their friends enough. But I think there’s some sort of unspoken and natural reciprocity between Sunny and Basil. Whether it’s romantic or fully platonic is up to interpretation, but it’s there.

If we’re talking romantically, then I think this reciprocity doesn’t happen between Sunny and Aubrey, for example. I think that they have a great friendship, they understand each other, Sunny used to listen to her talk and vent all the time and, well, he canonically has (had?) feelings for her. But I fully believe she never reciprocated his crush in real life. There’s no doubt that Aubrey appreciates him, but I don’t think she ever fell for him in that way. And, if she ever did when they were kids, I doubt she does now in the future, where she already has a new group of friends and other things to worry about. Everything that happens in Headspace is fully idealized by Sunny. He wanted her to like him, so he made the version of her that he wanted to see.

Though, well, I don’t think Sunny likes Basil back either canonically but some things I will be talking about next might possibly prove this statement very wrong 😂. Still I think that Sunny regards Basil with a lot of fondness and appreciation that only exists towards him and not towards his other friends.

Anyway, let’s talk about Basil for a moment.

Basil

So… It is heavily implied that Basil has feelings for Sunny. There’s no doubt he thinks of him as his best friend and appreciates him so much that it leads to him supporting him the best he can. I truly think he was and is in love with him and maybe, the fact that he’s been so lonely in the past made him attach to Sunny more than he had to.

We know about this already, it is shown in the game openly in a lot of scenes. And well, the perfect evidence is the way he regarded Sunny as perfect and refused to accept that he was the one who killed Mari…………… But let’s not go here.

Or, actually, let’s go there for a moment. Basil idealizes Sunny a lot, he puts him on a pedestal most of the time and tries his best to protect him and save him (even if he does it wrong in a lot of situations, but he was just a child back then). I have a point to make about this at the end of this, so stay tuned? lmao.

What about Sunny, though? He has some sort of strong attachment towards Basil, he can even idealize him in his mind. Basil is not the only one doing this.

But well… it’s not explicitly told to us. So, for that, let’s dive into the depths of Sunny’s mind.

Headspace

So we know headspace is Sunny’s dream world. The happy place he chose to stay in for 4 years, where everyone loves him and appreciates him, where his sister is still alive and safe. He has not done anything wrong in Headspace, Omori is just a sad boy that has the support of all his friends.

In there, we discover his desires, his dreams and what he thinks of other people. Of course, we see his fears and brief representations of his guilt over Mari’s death.

But why am I bringing this up when I’m supposed to talk about his relationship with Basil? Well…

It’s always been interesting to me how Basil is different from everyone in Headspace. Everyone else is represented by purple and shades of blue, Basil is emerald, just like his eyes. He stands out the most in his group of friends, as much as Omori does.

And you could say that it makes sense because, well, Basil knows the truth, he was there the day Mari died, he “helped” Sunny, that’s why he stands out too. But… if Sunny saw Basil the way he sees himself, blamed Basil the way he blamed himself, he would’ve been black and white in Headspace just like Omori is. A thing that doesn’t belong in that happy and comforting place… right?

Instead, however, he’s pastel. He’s an idealized version of Basil, with no defects whatsoever, a kind soul, always smiling and willing to be there for his friends. It shows after their fight with Boss specifically, when Basil just forgives him and treats him with kindness.

It’s interesting to me that he’s like this in Headspace, because it shows how Sunny sees him and how much he regards Basil in a shiny light, always wearing a flower crown that I know Sunny found attractive in real life. In a sense, DW Basil is perfect.

And not only that but… why is Basil the only one of his friends in Headspace that has an actual house? Well, I guess Kel, Hero and Aubrey have Neighbor’s room and Mari her… picnic blanket (?) but…Hm. I guess Sunny has spent a lot of time at Basil’s house, otherwise he wouldn’t have recreated his house in his dreams, even if it’s a shoe lmao.

Stranger

I wanted to briefly talk about Stranger because of this line specifically:

"On that day... When you became nothing... I was split in half."

It’s brought to my attention that there are two Basils in headspace. DW Basil, the version of him Sunny likes the most, the one he idealizes and the one he wants to look for and keep safe. And we have Stranger, the part of Basil he doesn’t— I’m not gonna say he doesn’t like it, it’s more like that part of him scares Sunny. Stranger encourages Omori to accept the truth, embrace it and that is something unacceptable in his mind.

Stranger is Basil’s cry of help. It makes me think Basil has asked him to help him a million times, makes me think he’s gone visit him at some point and it all ended up worse than ever. Or not, maybe it’s just Sunny’s guilt in the form of a shadow that doesn’t belong in Headspace.

Stranger is the representation of Basil’s thoughts following Sunny into his dreams. The urge for Sunny to leave dreamworld and Omori in the first place.

Saving Basil

At the beginning of the game, after a basic tutorial about how Headspace operates and the battle system, we finally get to see that, behind all that happy and cozy facade, something is clearly wrong. And, well, Basil is, of course, the catalyst. Actually, since you see Basil at the first cutscene, it is evident he’s someone important and you can’t help but be drawn to him and feel suspicious about it. I know I felt that way at least.

Basil is the objective you have to reach in order to “finish” the game. The whole point is finding him and bringing him back safe and sound. Haha, technically like Mario traveling through all the lands to rescue Peach… only more effed up probably 😂.

It’s interesting because… even if you choose to go with the hikikomori route, the objective is the same. In fact, you end up “saving” him. You end up bringing back that part of Basil Sunny appreciates and loves, that idealized version. He even ends up sitting with Mari at the picnic, safe and sound, no battles to be fought. He wants to protect and cherish Basil as much as he wants to protect Mari.

Branch coral said it, Omori confined Mari to a safe space, so nothing and no one could harm her. Not even himself.

I think he sees DW Basil in the hikikomori route in the same way. He puts him there, to protect him against all harm. (Intent to forget about the fact that he’s leaving Stranger, leaving real life Basil alone… And I think he successfully forgets all about it). Bringing DW Basil back is some sort of consolation made up by Sunny’s mind, intent on tricking him into thinking he saved his best friend and never left him alone. That’s… so sad in my opinion?

But well, let’s go back to the true route.

It is implied by the Branch Coral that Sunny has had this dream a million times. It's an endless cycle that has been repeating and repeating over and over again and the goal is always the same: To forget, to never accept the truth. But I think that the breach in dreamworld is always Basil. Something happens to him and Omori has to look for him with his friends.

Whenever he reaches Basil, it resets and goes back. And it happens and happens in a never ending cycle. What I want to highlight here is that, at the back of Sunny’s mind, unconsciously, there’s a desire to save his best friend. Even if the trauma has made him forget about what they’ve done and even if he’s frightened of him and what it means to see him again and embrace the painful truth. He still somehow wants to do it.

We’re not told why Sunny decides to get out of his house, he just does, prompted by Kel. But I’m guessing it’s because, well, he will be moving out soon. He will not see his friends ever again… and he will not see Basil.

Maybe he unconsciously knows this is the only chance he has before leaving. Maybe he unconsciously knows that reaching out to Basil is what he has to do if he wants to finally feel at peace. Face the truth, but with him.

I would dare to say that Sunny’s goal after getting out of the house is finding him and saving him. Even if getting there is hard as hell… even if he’s terribly frightened and he’s not able to reach him alone (thank god for Kel, Aubrey and Hero).

And, well, just the fact that Sunny dove into the lake, even if he was afraid of drowning, just to save him says a lot about his true intentions. (Hello, the game asks you whether you will do it or not, but no matter the choice you make, Sunny still does it. That says a lot imo).

Omori

Sooooo…. HUH. Let’s talk about Omori for a second. I’ve heard a lot of people say that Omori hates Basil.

Which… could be true, but not because Sunny hates him in real life or even blames him or anything. Like I said, Basil is the catalyst, the one thing that serves as a crack in the ‘happy’ place that is Headspace. Mari could also be the catalyst, but she’s confined to the picnic blanket… Though we see Hell Mari and various fucked up versions of her in various instances *shudders*.

And Omori, well, he’s Sunny’s caretaker. A caretaker he created to comfort himself because trauma was too much (Makes me think that Sunny has DID (Dissociative identity disorder) in some way, but that is just my headcanon). So, well, since Omori is trying to keep Sunny’s mind at peace, it’s logical that he wants to eliminate what makes Black Space leak into Headspace.

Actually, the only time Omori tries to desperately eliminate Basil countless times is when Sunny is slowly readying himself to accept the truth. Only because Basil has been about to blurt out words about what happened and that is unacceptable to Omori.

Still, well, at the end of the route, Sunny still chooses to chase after Basil and tell everyone the truth. He even fights Omori, the one thing (person?) that has comforted him for over 4 long years… That says a lot. Omori could hate what Basil means to Headspace, but Omori is also Sunny and I know Sunny does not think Basil is in the wrong here, he does not hate him at all. If anything, he hates himself…

The leaks…

When I say I freaked out when I saw the leaks would be an understatement lmao. And I want to bring it up here, because… just look:

There’s just something so incredibly intimate in these photos? They look so close. It’s like Sunny’s desire to relive those moments he spent with Basil again and it just kills me sifbfl.

And I’m honestly surprised it wasn’t added in the main game. Well, I guess we will be getting it on the switch version 👀, but I’m not quite sure yet? Also! The fact that an animation of them releasing energy for a fight exists is so surprising to me. Does that mean that you can choose to fight alongside him over Sunny’s other friends? 👀 hmmmm…. Why is it only him you can do that with? My guess (a very biased one and I’m sorry) is that Sunny sees Basil as someone he can be alone with, someone he can spend time with and feel understood and safe. It aligns with what I said at the beginning: their connection is unique, they understand each other the most.

But well, I’m bringing this up specifically because it shows the dynamic of their relationship or what Sunny highlighted and liked the most about it in his mind. It’s so cozy and nice and… sigh, it’s so sad that their relationship got strained like that.

String of fate?

Opening this with: there is no heterosexual explanation for this and I’m so sorry. (Actually there could be, but let me dream.)

"He is special to you. A string of fate ties you two together. He cannon leave that place alone."

But jokes aside, UH…. What even is this phrase the Branch Coral says? And what does it mean for Sunny to be dreaming about it?

Over the years, the only string of fate that has been talked about is the red string of fate, which unifies you with your soulmate, the person you’re destined to be with. And after that, I’ve seen a lot of theories about it and how some strings of fate could be platonic (I’ve heard there’s a yellow string of fate tied to your index finger, but, actually, there really isn’t that much information about this, so… honestly hm).

But well, see it the way you see it, even if we’re talking about the red one or the yellow one, it is a fact that Sunny thinks of Basil as someone special to him, someone he was destined to meet. Whether platonic or romantically, we might never know, but I choose to believe there’s more to it than just something platonic and Sunny hasn’t seen it yet. Why use the string of fate? Branch Coral could’ve only said Basil is special to him.

And, though they're talking about saving Basil in Headspace, this whole conversation could definitely fit real life as well. "He can't get out of there alone", no, Basil needs Sunny so they can both heal. I remember the Branch Coral ended up that explanation with a: “You know what you have to do, DREAMER” Yeah. Sunny is already somewhat conscious of it, that he has to do something for both of them. It’s his choice and his choice only (and ours but shh). He has to save Basil from Black Space, but also from himself in the real world.

Conclusion

I think there is something characteristically beautiful in Sunny wanting to save Basil even if facing the truth is horrible for him. It shows how much he cares about him. You wouldn’t do that for someone if you didn’t love them. He could’ve chosen not to go and reach out to him (and we’ve seen the consequences of those actions in the bad and ‘neutral’ endings). But I’m glad that the ending where he chooses to find him and help him irl is the true ending. Because, truly, this is probably the only way to go so he can also forgive himself.

Now, by all of that stated before, I’m not saying that Sunny has to be in love with Basil, but I do think that he’s very important to him no matter what, he truly considers him his best friend. And… I also believe that, in the future, he will see this and realize he doesn’t want anyone else. Because, in a way, Basil is probably the only person who truly knows what he’s going through.

Both of them have issues, yes, and they really, reaaaaally need to see a therapist and try to be better people. Mental illnesses are honestly a pain in the ass and if not treated well, they become a ticking time bomb. And trauma? Well… makes everything worse. All of them, Kel, Aubrey and Hero had their issues and ways to deal with their grief as well, but, naturally after what happened, Sunny and Basil do need more help, perhaps. And, honestly, I believe that, at the end of the game, they do get it, they do find a way to be better and find a way to move on. Together.

Both Basil and Sunny idealize each other in some way. Possibly Basil’s case is more evident in game and worrying, you could say. But I think that, when you’re young and get a new crush, it’s kind of impossible not to see them as perfect. When you fall for someone you tend to overlook their flaws and it is only with time that you start to see them and either embrace them or… well, hate them. Overlooking Sunny’s flaws unfortunately backfired on Basil, possibly because he was also mentally ill even before the event with Mari… But there is no way we can blame him for it and I think Sunny doesn’t, either.

Not even about the eye, either, because we all know Basil was going through a phsychotic episode and wasn't conscious of it. If anything, he tried to save Sunny from Something, not realizing Something was him. He split Sunny in half in his mind as well, similar to what Sunny did with DW Basil and Stranger.

I’ve seen a lot of people call Sunflower a bad ship because it’s “toxic” and… yes, it could be. It can definitely be, there are a lot of takes regarding that, oh boy… BUT I want to believe they would get together after going to therapy for years and I want to believe that they can help each other heal. I find Sunflower an interesting ship and an interesting friendship as well because all they have is each other. After all, there’s no way they can get a connection this… beautiful and strong and still somehow let it wither after all this time. There’s so much they have to talk about and they care too much about each other not to at least try.

Like I said at the beginning, they’re each other’s anchors and without the other, I doubt they can fully heal. It would be nice if they could be there for each other even when life is hard and even if their friends take their time to forgive them. (I know they will eventually forgive them, but I also think that it could take time… Especially in Hero’s case, perhaps?)

I like to think that this happened in the future and they were healing together ❤

Anyway, what do you think? Is there something else to add to this extended essay/weird analysis thing? I can’t believe I’m doing this lmao, I’m nervous.

PS: Please be kind? ❤

#Omori #omori sunflower #omori sunny #omori basil #analysis #I'm new here so I'm nervous fjkdvbd #Sunflower is just one of those ships you can't get over no matter how much you try #I hope they get to be happy someday #omori spoilers #my post #sunnflower

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histronic-gizmo · 1 year

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hi! autistic csa survivor here <3 theres a BIG difference between a healthy coping mechanism and posting and interacting with incest/cp online

we're aware that, like. yeah this shit is in fiction but it needs to be portrayed in a negative light like. theres a reason i have TRAUMA from csa........

im begging you go to therapy /gen

I am in therapy. This is genuinely how I cope. I work very hard with my therapist to make sure that this way I cope doesn’t actually negatively affect me. It doesn’t. Just because it’s unhealthy for others doesn’t mean it’s unhealthy for everyone. This allows me to explore my trauma and put it into a different perspective (such as a romanticized view, this can help put the trauma you went through into perspective) safely, rather than going out and putting myself in harmful relationships.

CP is harmful because it involves a real, breathing child who is being hurt. Anime girls and cartoons that are clearly cartoons aren’t children who can be hurt. I feel insulted that what I went through is being compared to anime girls.

My autism and depression disables me from being able to make my own private art, which is why published fanworks are important for me, it is often my only access of this content. I’m a writer and artist, but my frustration with those hobbies and my lack of motivation… it makes people sharing their own work essential.

There are other coping mechanisms. This mechanism isn’t a do or die for me, but it is the most effective one my therapist and I have found. Redirecting horrible intrusive thoughts I have about real people onto fictional characters WORKS. It’s not for everyone, I’m sure it has the opposite effect for a lot of people, but I’m not everyone, I’m a single person.

Seeing what I went through out in a positive FICTIONAL light helps me process my trauma because it forces my subconscious to go “well, shit, if this is what good looks like, then what happened DEFINITELY wasn’t good”. That’s overly simplified, but that’s the gist of it.

Outside of coping mechanism talk, censorship is just a slippery slope. Moral lines are blurred when it comes to very small things like the line between romantically charged and sexually charged, and it starts with censoring fictional problematic content.

Telling people to get therapy helps no one. Not only have I said several times I’m in therapy, it’s clearly just a ploy to seem morally superior. “I just want you to get help!” they say, ignoring the fact that what I’m doing IS the help. I share my problematic content when I am able to make it because I know others who need it but can’t make it themselves are out there.

I’m only bothering to respond to your ask because I feel like you have good intentions, and I feel like maybe my aggression in my other posts made it harder to listen to me. I get that. I find it harder to listen to people who are angry too.

I’ve just lost my temper because I’m tired of being told what’s good for me. Being told what’s going on in MY mind and MY brain and how I process MY trauma.

#I’m tired #don’t tell me what’s good for me #don’t tell me to get help #don’t tell me to get therapy #just leave me be #tw anti #proship #proshipper #proshippers #proship safe #gizmo asks #hate mail #kind of

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night-market-if · 11 months

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I feel like the ROs are MCs in their own way where their relationships with each other are just as important as the PCs.

I can see why some people would be annoyed by this because they’re used to IFs where everything is very centered towards the MC/PC, but this IF is not like that and it’s why some people are so bothered by the ROs relationships….but I feel like that just makes them more real??? Like in real life, even if you’re the “Chosen One”, for example, everyone else still has their own lives and agendas and they don’t always include you, the same way most people aren’t going to throw all that away for you.

The tension between Bella and Gabriel is there because it’s personal to them and wouldn’t make sense if there wasn’t any given their situation. Milo and Malcom literally dated and knew each other for years, they never really broke up…Malcom died. There was no real closure, how are you going to expect there to be nothing when Malcom comes back to life??? Both pairs knew each other for so long and were very close, and then weren’t for whatever reason, and now they’re both forced to confront it head-on. Just because you were there for a little while (compared to the amount of time they’re known each other) is not going to magically fix the hurt and/or erase the feelings they have (romantic or not depending on the case).

And that’s the whole point. It’s messy but it’s real and true to life. Their relationships are just as important as yours as the MC/PC, and effect the story just as much.

I hope this came off as I was trying to make it, but it’s just with everyone talking about being jealous (take that word with a grain of salt, I’m not sure how else to describe it) of the ROs relationships with each other…I just had to say something.

This story is so wonderful and awe-worthy. The complexity of everyone’s relationships is just what makes it so much better to me. Keep staying true to your characters <333

I think that was all really well put. I'm not really bothered by people upset or jealous (and like you I will say take that with a grain of salt because I think it is not so cut and dry). This story is different. I don't read a lot of IF's. I am very very aware that I don't have the mechanics of a lot of the more popular ones out there. And when I started looking into making this a bit more like other IF's with stats and what not, I realized I would hate writing that. I'm going to be honest, I probably wouldn't have finished the Night Market if I had to keep track of so much coding and stats. That's not to say I won't do that in the future with another IF's, but Night Market to me feels different. It feels like a world that you are reading about and just looking at what would happen if you turned left instead of right. It's not everyone's cup of tea and that's okay. Mainly, I have a cast of characters (MC is included) and they are all now navigating this problem together. Each of them are bringing baggage to the table. Each of them have different opinions and ideas. And I am much more interested in writing the story that explores that. I'm not in this to lose my passion. This story has brought so much to me at a time that was shaky. I write it for me and am excited when people want to join me on this journey as well.

There are always going to be people who are going to have uncomfortable feelings about how these routes are going to go. I don't devalue how they feel. However, I think the thing to remember as a reader when you feel uncomfortable, it is not up to the author to change that for you. It is up to the individual to remove themselves from the situation, or in some cases, maybe examine why this is something that bothers them so deeply. I can't be a part of that. I'm telling a story.

#the night market #interactive fiction #if fic #twine fic #world building #personal

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sentinelpri · 1 year

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The Blind Date (Valentine’s Day Special)

10AM, Saturday February 11th

Allison Cameron is on a mission as she sits across from Robert Chase and Eric Foreman in the middle of a crowded, busy cafe. It’s a beautiful winter day- the sun is shining bright to melt the remnants of a dying snow outside, the breeze is crisp and cool, and the trees in New Jersey are dark with bare branches. She knows that Chase would rather be out bowling or sleeping in, while Foreman would rather be taking his dog on a morning walk or sitting inside enjoying a book with a cup of tea, and she would rather be tending to her garden or going to her Saturday taekwondo class. But, with enough convincing, she got them to come here.

“Why did you have us come get coffee with you on a Saturday? It’s out of character for you to want to spend your personal time with both of us outside of work, and you said it was important,” Foreman mentions and leans back in his chair, one leg crossed over the other and both of his arms crossed over his chest. “Spill.”

“Okay, okay,” Cameron relents with a nervous smile. She wonders if either of them will actually agree to her plan, but she figures it’s better to try and fail than to not do anything and watch the miserable game that House and Wilson play every single day; shooting each other longing looks, offering fleeting touches and nothing more, flirting when they think people aren’t looking but never doing anything about it. It’s better than watching House antagonize Wilson when compared to how he usually antagonizes others, just looks like a little kid lashing out in an attempt to get attention from their crush. “I have a plan to set House up on a blind date.”

“Wait,” Chase stops and looks between Foreman and Cameron with furrowed eyebrows and pursed lips. “Why are you doing this? Weren’t you interested in House romantically? Why set him up with someone else?”

“Yes, I love House- I mean, I like him romantically, but I love him as a friend-”

“He’s not our friend, he’s our boss, and he’s a prick,” Chase argues. “Why should we take time out of our weekend to help him? And why do you need us for this?”

“Look, I’m doing this because of Wilson, okay?”

And it’s true. While she’s partially doing it for House, she’s mostly doing it for Wilson. She sees how the oncologist looks at House with lovestruck big brown eyes, and more than it is pathetic, it’s pitiable. Wilson, regardless of his tendency to cheat and regardless of the way he allows everyone to walk all over him, is a good person.

“Because of Wilson? What does Wilson have to do with this?” Foreman questions.

“He’s our friend, and he makes House happy… And House makes him happy, too,” Cameron explains, to which Foreman and Chase nod in understanding. She thinks about her date with House- how he told her that she was only interested because she wanted to fix him, and while she was definitely attracted to him for other reasons, he wasn’t necessarily wrong. But Wilson? Over the past few weeks, she’s noticed that Wilson is acting differently around House- that he’s head over heels, and House has always reciprocated that. It’s been obvious, and if she can’t be happy with House, she at least wants Wilson to be. “Don’t tell me you guys haven’t noticed.”

“What’s your point?” Foreman asks, then sips on his coffee- black, no sugar, the exact opposite of Chase’s, which is loaded with milk, sugar, whipped cream, and chocolate syrup. Cameron’s own drink is a caramel cold brew. “They’ve always been like that with each other. Maybe they’re just best friends and you’re overanalyzing like you always do.”

“I think it’s worth a shot,” Cameron says while trying to think of something that will pique Foreman’s interest. “And if House is happy and distracted with a new relationship, maybe he won’t be so hard on us.”

“Fair point,” Foreman adds while feigning a lack of interest like he always does. Cameron is intrigued by the childlike enthusiasm that he has for pranks and plots like this, even if he tries to hide it. Eric Foreman, much like Robert Chase, is intriguing. “Wilson has always been good at reining him in when he acts up.”

“I hate to ask this, but are they even gay? I’ve never seen either of them- you know , like that with a man,” Chase leans back, sips on his drink, and pushes back the long sandy locks of hair that frame his face.

Cameron pauses, looking between the two men. She isn’t sure if they like her very much, to be honest. She likes them- hell, they’re what makes working with House bearable when he’s at his worst… Maybe asking this of them is crossing the line? No, no, it needs to be done. The worst thing that could happen is them saying no and backing out. Pushing the trivial thoughts about her relationship with Foreman and Chase aside, the brunette quirks a brow and laughs.

“Are you really asking that? They’re clearly more than friends.”

“Okay, you’re right,” Chase laughs and throws his hands up in defeat before leaning in. Both his and Foreman’s interests are obviously piqued. “What’s the plan?”

5PM, Sunday February 12th

Robert Chase doesn’t know how he got dragged into this.

Or, he does, but he really would rather not be here with House of all people. Rather, he was hoping he would be the one stuck convincing the easy going, people pleasing James Wilson to go on a blind date. Foreman was given the much easier job instead, leaving the difficult and bitter Greg House to poor Chase.

The blond is in his boss’s apartment right now, sitting on his uncomfortable leather couch. There’s only a single cushion between them and Chase has to admit that it’s closer than he’s comfortable with. As amusing as Cameron’s scheme seemed in theory, he’s slowly coming to regret agreeing to the immunologist’s plan to set House and Wilson up on this blind date.

“Why all of a sudden are you so interested in setting me up on a date?” House asks.

The diagnostician is more focused on the soap opera on the television in front of him than he is on Chase. It’s a little insulting. Then again, he figures it’s a consequence for letting his crushes on Cameron and Foreman alter his decision making skills so much. He wouldn’t have said yes were it not in hopes to impress them and get on their good sides. It’s too late to back down now, so Chase knows what he has to do in order to make it happen; take drastic measures.

“Do it or I’ll quit,” Chase threatens.

“Are you really pulling a Cameron on me?” House says with a roll of his eyes. Chase’s threat seems to catch his attention more than anything else the intensivist has said through the duration of his visit, as House actually turns the television off and turns to look at him. Icy blue eyes burn into ocean and Chase is suddenly very, very nervous- so nervous that he pulls at the collar of his shirt and averts his gaze. “Because I don’t mind calling you on your bluff.”

“You wouldn’t,” Chase responds even if he isn’t entirely sure.

“I would,” House insists and starts to fidget with his cane. He picks the long object up with one hand and twirls it absentmindedly while he speaks with his eyes still trained on Chase’s face regardless of whether or not the younger man is actually looking back at him. “I don’t mind telling Cameron and Foreman about your little crushes either.”

Chase’s heart drops to his stomach. House knows? Well, of course House knows, House knows everything, but… God damn. Seriously? Chase mulls over his options, which are acknowledging the truth and begging House not to tell anyone (which will probably come at a price), or denying the truth and pretending it isn’t real (which House will most certainly not believe, so it’ll come at a price anyway).

“What,” Chase states plainly, going with his latter option.

All it earns him is a roll of House’s eyes and a dismissive wave of House’s right hand.

“Oh, c’mon, you’re all so obvious,” House laughs. Chase wants to ask about the ‘all’. He wonders if House knows something about Foreman and Cameron’s potential feelings towards him that he himself doesn’t. Right now, though, it’s about House and Wilson, not him, so he doesn’t say anything. He bites his tongue and crosses his arms over his chest. “At this point, it’s embarrassing to watch.”

Chase looks at the clock on the wall and sighs. May as well change the subject.

“You’re running late, this place is almost an hour from here and the date is in an hour. I know it’s my fault for waiting until tonight to spring this on you, but… Ugh,” Chase groans, runs a hand through his hair, and stands up. House’s eyes remain on him as he pulls out his wallet and counts out just shy of a hundred fifty dollars, which he holds out to House. “I still need to get a cab. Take this.”

“Is this a bribe to keep my mouth shut?” House smirks and takes the cash, standing up as well.

“No, it’s to pay for the date,” Chase answers. “With all the money you already steal-”

“Borrow-”

“Steal from Wilson, I’m not making him pay for this, too,” Chase realizes he’s slipped up. Part of the plan was to keep the identity of their date secret from both House and Wilson, but thankfully, House doesn’t seem to notice. Perhaps the diagnostician assumed that Chase meant he’d simply ‘borrow’ more money from Wilson later to make up for the date. “But… It would also be nice if you didn’t mention anything about this discussion to Cameron or Foreman.”

House shrugs, turns, and makes his way to the hallway that leads to his bedroom with a shout of-

“I’m not making any promises!”

Chase sighs for what must be the millionth time tonight, then leaves with nothing more than a shake of his head. It’ll be a miracle if this somehow works out…

6PM, Sunday February 12th

Foreman is unsurprised when he finds himself at the home of James Wilson. When Cameron initially proposed her plan to get Wilson and House to go on a date yesterday, Foreman knew he was going to end up doing a lot of the work, including making the reservation at the restaurant Cameron recommended, purchasing fancy attire for both men to attend the date in, and now, this. Just like at work, Foreman manages to carry the weight of the load on his broad shoulders.

Wilson has moved into a nice new house recently. The place is full of unpacked cardboard boxes, freshly waxed floors, and newly painted walls. Foreman is overwhelmed by the scent of paint and lemon cleaner as he fastens and fixes Wilson’s tie to make sure it looks just as perfect as he’d want it to were it him going on an important date.

“I still don’t understand your motive here, Foreman,” Wilson laughs nervously, his cheeks dusted bright red. Foreman isn’t sure he’s ever been this close to Wilson before, and honestly, he also isn’t sure why he was sent here to convince Wilson to go on this last minute date instead of Chase or Foreman, who are considerably more friendly with the oncologist. He supposes it boils down to the fact that House would question him into a corner that he’d literally give up on the plan to get out of. Clearing his head of the many doubts he has about this scheme that Cameron has concocted for him and Chase to execute, Foreman notes that the tie he’s putting on Wilson is soft and a dark shade of green, just like House would prefer. Wilson continues speaking after Foreman doesn’t respond. “This is unlike you.”

“I heard you hadn’t been on a date since you got divorced from your second wife back in ‘99, and this friend of mine is in a similar situation,” Foreman explains and looks away with a shrug. Admittedly, it’s not a complete lie, and it’s believable enough for Wilson to not immediately reject the idea of going on a date so last minute. Briefly, the neurologist wonders what the idiot Chase could have possibly come up with to get House of all people to go. He wonders if Chase has even succeeded or if the plan is going to fall through. He hasn’t heard a text on his cheap little cellphone from Chase nor Cameron yet. “I thought you two would get along really well.”

“Sure, but isn’t this short notice? Why are you in such a hurry? If I didn’t know better, I’d think this were some sort of weird plot… Either that or a bet that you need to win. Or maybe an emergency? I have no idea, but this strikes me as odd, especially for you. I’d expect it from the others, but you? Come on. We all know you don’t want to be involved with any of us outside of work, and I don’t blame you for that.”

Foreman winces at that. It’s not necessarily true, even. Cameron and Chase, he’d love to be involved with after work. He adores them, adores watching over them and helping them at work, even if he insists that he doesn’t want a personal relationship with them and that they’re nothing more than coworkers. House and Wilson, however, he usually wants nothing to do with; they’re both dumpster fire humans with problems that are too big for Foreman’s already buckled shoulders to carry.

“Look, I’ll be honest with you,” Foreman tries to lay everything out as truthfully as he can without ruining it entirely. The one condition he was given to make this successful was to make sure that Wilson doesn’t find out that his date is going to be House until he gets there. He understands why, too. If Wilson were to know that the date is going to be with House, he’d surely cancel. “It was Cameron’s idea and she didn’t let me or Chase know about this until yesterday, so we weren’t given that much notice either. I tried to call you yesterday-”

“I was busy yesterday,” Wilson says the words a little too fast, almost like he’s hiding something. Foreman almost asks exactly what it was that had Wilson so preoccupied at one on a Saturday afternoon that he couldn’t be fucked to answer the phone or at least fucked to listen to the voicemail Foreman left and call him back, but he thinks better of it and keeps his curiosity to himself. “My bad.”

“Right, well, I’m just saying… I tried to call you yesterday and you didn’t answer. I tried to call you this morning, too.”

To show him proof, Foreman steps back, takes his phone out of his pocket, and pulls up the receipts of the calls and texts that Wilson didn’t bother to answer yesterday afternoon or this morning.

“Ah, I’m sorry, Foreman, it’s honestly been a bit since I’ve checked my phone,” Wilson rushes to explain himself as he scratches the back of his neck. “It’s just been a hectic few days, you know? With that patient and everything…”

“Uh huh,” Foreman replies in an unconvinced tone. The last patient they had wasn’t worth being stressed over; some guy whose wife was poisoning him with gold that they figured out pretty easily. Wilson was even making jokes about the case. Out of all of the things that the oncologist has dealt with, something tells Foreman that this wasn’t the one to stress him out to the point of not answering his phone. “Yeah, okay, well… The reservations we set up for your date are scheduled for a little less than an hour from now, so I’m going to excuse myself. You should probably head there in the next half hour if you don’t want to be late. I’ll send you the address, alright?”

“Yeah, sure. Sounds good, but before you go,” Wilson starts with a smile. “I really appreciate you guys doing this for me. I still don’t quite understand it when the three of you clearly have your own unresolved romance issues that need to be worked on, but it’s a nice gesture.”

“Right,” Foreman clears his throat and steps away while sending Wilson the address to the restaurant he’s supposed to meet House at through text. It’s embarrassing that Wilson so clearly knows about his crush on Chase and Cameron, but he’s thankful that the oncologist has the decency to keep it to himself for the most part. Foreman wonders if House knows, too. “Well, good luck… I’ll see you on Monday.”

~~~

7:30PM, Sunday February 12th

James Wilson is nervous.

After being coerced by no other than Eric Foreman himself to go on a blind date, the oncologist finds himself sitting in a fancy, romantic restaurant. The lighting is dim and there’s a vase with roses in the middle of the table along with a lit, rose-scented candle. The tablecloth is bright white and silky, and the chair he’s sitting on is surprisingly plush.

The chair across from him, however, is empty. His supposed date was supposed to be here half an hour ago. Of course, some haphazard scheme concocted in the span of a couple days by the ducklings was bound to work out this way. Wilson isn’t even disappointed by the lack of company as much as he is anxious about being seen sitting alone in a restaurant by the other couples and the one waiter who has come by to try to take his order four separate times. It looks like he’s being stood up.

Why did he go along with this in the first place, you might ask? It’s a little more complicated than one would think. Following his second divorce, he and House formed a friends with benefits agreement. Unfortunately, Wilson fell for House somewhere along the way and has ended up here, silent about his feelings and fearful of anyone figuring it out. Desperate to avoid rousing any suspicion from Chase, Foreman, and Cameron, Wilson agreed to go on the date to get everyone at the hospital off his back about being single. Now, he’s starting to regret it.

Right as he thinks to text Foreman to inform him that his date hasn’t shown up, Wilson hears the door open and looks up to see a familiar face walking in and heading his way.

“Oh, this is rich,” House laughs, his smile not quite reaching his icy blue eyes.

Wilson’s heart skips a beat.

“I should’ve known it was you,” Wilson sighs like he’s disappointed, but deep down, relief is flooding him. House truly is the only person he’d feel comfortable going on a date with- and of course, the ducklings figured it out, just like he and House have figured them out. A large smile takes over Wilson’s face as House casually sits down in the empty chair and puts his elbows on the table. “Fashionably late as always.”

“Hey, it isn’t my fault that my taxi driver drove the speed of an eighty year old with cataracts,” House huffs and fidgets with the vase on the table until it’s perfectly aligned with the adjacent candle. Wilson watches him fondly and thinks about his feelings. He wants to say something so badly, it’s just that in moments like this, he fears he’ll scare House away and lose the little things like waking up to him or watching him across the table when they eat together. “So, which one of the ducklings conned you into this?”

“Foreman,” Wilson answers, and before he can explain everything that Foreman told him about the plan, House figures it out and says it out loud.

“This must’ve been Cameron’s idea, then because Chase was the one who conned me, and this is the same restaurant she and I went to on our date.”

“Should we just leave?” Wilson asks while twiddling with his thumbs.

“Nah, might as well enjoy it,” House answers, much to Wilson’s relief. They’ve never been on a romantic date before. It’s something that Wilson has always dreamed of. To his surprise, though, House whips out two hundred dollars from his wallet. He obnoxiously waves the bills in the air. Chase gave me money to pay for the date and everything. Guess you could say the ducklings got us a free meal.”

The waiter comes by once more and takes their orders.

Wilson, unsure of what to say or do in this awkward yet pleasant situation, looks around the restaurant for something to distract him from his internal conflict. He quickly spots Chase, Cameron, and Foreman in the back of the restaurant in a booth. Cameron is in a pantsuit with her hair hidden by a hat and sunglasses on her face, Chase is in an offensively casual outfit for a restaurant like this with a backwards baseball cap on his head, and Foreman is dressed like his usual self- probably because the other two couldn’t convince him to go with such a ridiculous plan. Foreman is staring into his lap, sitting between the other two in the booth. When Chase and Cameron catch Wilson looking their way, they avert their eyes and pretend as if they haven’t been staring at House and Wilson this whole time.

“Is that them over there?” Wilson speaks up. “Behind you, don’t look too fast though or it’ll be obvious that we spotted them.”

A few seconds pass. House casually glances over his shoulder, but it’s subtle enough that none of the ducklings react, even when he turns back around and laughs out loud.

“Jesus, I couldn’t have come up with this myself. Why’d you even go along with it anyway?”

“Honestly, I just didn’t want them to get suspicious of us,” Wilson whispers so no one else in the restaurant can hear him. “You?”

“I thought it’d be funny to go on a date with one of Chase’s friends and absolutely wreck their friendship to teach him a lesson about meddling in my personal life,” House chuckles and places his hand on top of the middle of the table. Wilson reaches across and places his hand over House’s, covering it entirely. Admittedly, it’s probably a stunt from House to mess with the ducklings, but Wilson is genuinely enjoying the contact. “But this works, too.”

“Are we really that obvious?” Wilson questions with light blush.

“Maybe… Either that or it’s some sort of joke on their end.”

“Let’s hope that’s the case.”

Things get silent after that. Their food arrives, and they eat, only offering the occasional small talk to each other. House appears as if he’s deep in thought, but Wilson doesn’t dare to ask what’s going on in that brain of his.

“Wanna stay over?” House offers once the waiter comes to take the money that House left on the table for the food. Wilson begins to clean up the table, stacking dishes and making sure it’s easy for the waiter or busser to clean up once they leave. “They’ll probably think it went well if we leave together, leave us alone for a bit.”

“Sure,” Wilson agrees, and with that, they’re up and leaving the restaurant.

It’s a beautiful winter evening. Wilson thinks it’s five, maybe six o’clock. Autumn has vanished, any traces of warm days and warm-hued leaves replaced by a heavy overcast and blowing wind. It’s cold outside with a heavy breeze, and the sky is the same monotonous, listless blanket of puffy grey that it has been for the past week or so. House is properly dressed if not overdressed for the weather as per usual, a long sleeve shirt underneath his sweater and warm pants and boots to match. A white scarf is wrapped around his neck, as he tends to be cold-blooded, unlike Wilson, who remains consistently warm in most climates.

House calls a cab for them. While they wait for it to show up, they walk around the front of the restaurant, silent.

House is in deep thought. He stops walking quite abruptly, his cane firmly clicking against the ground, and looks over at Wilson. Flashing blue eyes scan his body up and down before finally burning into chocolate brown. Wilson freezes, able to feel his heart beating fast, and in the midst of the oncoming rain and the cool breeze, in the midst of the rustling dead branches and the thoughts racing in the back of his mind, Wilson asks himself one thing and one thing only.

‘Why are we still doing this?’

Luckily, House seems to have the same thought- except he actually says it out loud.

“Why are we still doing this?”

And Wilson freezes. He’s both scared and confused by House’s question, unsure of exactly what House means. He knows it entails their complicated relationship at the very least, but Wilson can’t tell if House is trying to confess his feelings or if House is about to end their friends with benefits arrangement; if it’s gone too far.

“Let’s get back to your apartment before we have this talk, House,” Wilson argues, wanting to delay the inevitable confrontation for as long as possible, but House only shakes his head and places a hand on Wilson’s face.

“I can’t do this anymore,” House insists. “This must’ve happened for a reason, don’t you think?”

“What must’ve happened?”

“This- tonight, this date, us,” House clarifies with bright red cheeks. Even though his gloved hand is ice cold, even though they’re getting stares from the people who pass by, Wilson leans into it and listens to House’s words. “I’m in love with you, and I refuse to ignore it any longer.”

“I love you, too,” Wilson whispers back. If it weren’t so clearly real, he wouldn’t be able to believe it. “I am… Completely and utterly overwhelmed by you.”

“Wilson,” House leans forward and kisses him on the lips, gentle and void of the usual lust that drives them to do what they’ve been doing.

When they break apart, Wilson rests his forehead against House’s and smiles.

“House… You’ve manifested as this- this feeling in my chest that I can’t get rid of, and for the first time in a long time, I don’t want to get rid of it.”

“Wilson… I think the cab is here. Let’s go home,” House mutters. “We can continue this there, yeah?”

And Wilson grins, because the years that he’s spent waiting for this are finally proving to be worth it.

“Yeah.”

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