#because she's insecure and wants to make herself seem cool?

[the-n3w3st-g1rl-g1rl]

I don't trust people who shit on Alphys

[flickering-chandelier]

Snow on the Beach

Pairing: Cassian x Reader

Summary: As soon as Cassian and Reader run into each other, she feels the bond snap into place. But feeling unworthy next to the famed Cassian, she keeps it to herself, assuming that he would never find out the truth. Before long, she finds that she was very wrong.

Based on this request! 🩷

Warnings: insecure reader

Word Count: 4k

While walking Nyx to school on an early autumn morning, Cassian was certainly glad that the Illyrian soldiers could keep themselves in line for a day or two, giving him a respite to come home to Velaris and spend time with his nephew. It seemed to him that the boy was growing up far too fast; he could hardly believe that he was already in school. 

“So kid,” Cassian said, gently steering Nyx away from the street with a hand on his back, “tell me about school. Have you made any friends?"

Little Nyx grinned. “Yeah!”

“I bet the other kids think it’s cool that your parents are the High Lord and Lady, huh?”

He nodded, “At first, they all thought it was really cool. I think they’re getting used to it now, though. Now everyone is talking about how Astrid’s mom opened that new restaurant by the rainbow.”

Cassian laughed, unable to resist ruffling Nyx’s hair. “Well, they do have good food.”

Nyx agreed, and Cassian took the tiny hand in his own once the boy started veering toward the street again. “Do you like your teacher?” 

“She’s really nice,” he said. “She barely even gives us any homework.”

“Now, that’s a good teacher,” Cassian agreed. 

Nyx chatted idly with Cassian until they got to school.

Cassian was surprised to see a beautiful young woman standing near the front door, greeting the kids as they filtered in through the building. 

You smiled at Nyx as he and Cassian approached. “Good morning, Nyx! Who did you bring with you today?”

“This is my uncle Cassian,” Nyx said proudly, before turning back to Cassian and informing him, “This is my teacher!”

Teachers did not look like that when I was in school, Cassian thought. 

“Hi,” Cassian smiled, extending his hand. You took it, your eyes widening slightly when your hand touched his. 

“Nice to meet you,” you said. Cassian thought you sounded a bit out of breath. “Are you picking Nyx up today?”

Cassian said, “I am,” and was suddenly very glad for it. 

You nodded, still looking somewhat dazed. “Okay, we’ll see you this afternoon then.”

Nyx said goodbye and bounded into the building, but Cassian couldn’t help but feel like something was off. “Are you okay?” he asked. “You look… a little pale, maybe?"

“I’m fine,” you said hurriedly. “Thank you.”

Cassian nodded. “Okay. Good.” Cauldron, why was he flustered now? “This afternoon, then. Have a good day. Good luck with the little ones.”

You laughed, thanking him, before Cassian turned away. 

---

You could hardly breathe. And he had known it too, which made everything so much worse. 

The last thing you were expecting today was to meet your mate three minutes before school started. 

Cauldron. How could the Cassian be your mate?

You were fairly sure you recognized him as he was walking up, but didn’t want to assume. The High Lord and his inner circle were well known here, of course, but you had never met any of them besides Rhysand and Feyre, and that was only because Nyx was in your class.

Cassian was unlike any male you’d ever seen before. His biceps were the size of your head. He could snap you in half like it was nothing. And yet he was holding little Nyx’s hand in his, walking him to school. 

Gods.

You were nervous enough about having the High Lord’s son in your class, but then a member of his trusted inner circle shows up, touches your hand, and the bond snaps into place?

And just like that, the commander of the High Lord’s army, the one that they’ve written entire books about, was your mate. 

Yet, here you were, teaching arithmetic to a classroom full of tiny children.

It didn’t make sense. You had never heard of the Mother making mistakes before, but surely this was one. Why would someone that powerful have a schoolteacher for a mate?

Cassian didn’t seem to feel it when you had. Surely you would have noticed if it had snapped for him at the same time. 

So, he didn’t know. And you figured it was better to keep it that way. You would sound foolish, telling this war hero that you were his mate. 

And it wasn’t likely that you would see him again after today, anyway. 

You just had to get through the day, and pretend that everything was normal. 

By the time parents were back picking up their kids, you had managed to put Cassian out of your mind. 

That is, until he showed up again, his massive wings tucked in closely behind him, his shirt spread tightly across his chest and his arms. Your heart leaped as you watched him make his way to the door. 

Your mate. He was yours. Or at least the Mother thought he should be. 

He smiled brightly when he saw you, and you immediately felt a pull on that invisible string that tied you to him. 

It was an effort to steady your breathing when he finally stood in front of you. 

Before you could say anything, one of your students ran into your legs from behind at full speed, causing you to stagger forward, into Cassian. He steadied you, his strong hands holding your waist, as your own hands involuntarily came to rest on his broad chest. 

Cassian looked into your eyes for a moment, the side of his mouth tugging up into a smile. You got lost in him for a moment, in those hazel eyes that you felt you could see the world in. 

Thankfully, you finally remembered where you were, and turned around and narrowed your eyes at your student. “Jan, buddy, we’ve talked about this.”

“Sorry,” he said sheepishly, taking a step back. “I forgot.”

“I know you did, it’s okay,” you said, gently patting his back. “Why don’t you go play until your dad gets here, okay?” 

You turned back to Cassian as he happily scampered off. Cassian’s eyes were bright as he smiled at you. “I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?” you asked, tilting your head slightly. 

He laughed, gesturing around, to the dozens of squealing children. “This. Stay so calm, being in charge of all these kids while they’re yelling and knocking into you.”

You shrugged, unable to keep the smile off your face, being so close to him. “It’s not that bad. It’s nothing like what you do.”

Cassian smiled, glancing around at the chaos that surrounded you both. “Well, you might be surprised.” His gaze landed back on you and you felt it like a shock down to your toes. “If you ever want to help me out with the Ilyrians, let me know. You might be better at keeping them in line than I am.”

“I highly doubt that,” you laughed. “With kids, you just need to give them a snack and they’ll love you forever.”

He pursed his lips slightly, seemingly thinking this over. “I might have to try that.”

You laughed. “Let me know how it goes.”

“Promise,” he smirked. 

In that moment, you knew you could spend all day looking at him and never get bored. It scared you, that thought. You couldn’t allow yourself to fall for him. There was no possible outcome that wouldn’t break your heart.

You cleared your throat, taking half a step back. “You’ll probably want to find Nyx.”

He nodded, as if he too had forgotten why he was actually there. 

As if on cue, Nyx bounded up, throwing his arms around Cassian’s legs. “Uncle Cassian!”

Cassian grinned down at him. “Hey, kid. Were you good for your teacher today?”

Nyx smiled shyly. “Yes.”

Cassian turned back to you, raising an eyebrow in question. 

You smiled, nodding. “He was.”

“Good,” Cassian said, ruffling Nyx’s hair, before turning his attention back to you. “I’ll see you around?”

You nodded, though you doubted you would see him again. You tried not to dwell on that, on the fact that you had finally, finally found your mate, and you knew deep down that you could never have him. 

Cassian glanced back over his shoulder, smiling at you once more after he had left and your heart missed a beat. 

You desperately hoped that you would be able to go back to your real life, to forget about him.

---

Cassian couldn’t get you out of his mind after that day. The way you were looking at him… 

Maybe it was just that you recognized him. You certainly weren’t the only woman who had looked up at him with big doe eyes. 

So, why couldn’t he stop thinking about you?

It wasn’t just that though, he knew, as you danced around his mind once again. You were clearly incredibly kind and sweet. And you were funny. 

He found himself smiling as he thought about you, and schooled his features back into his stern, commanding expression as he focused his attention back onto the warriors training in front of him. 

But before long, he was thinking of you again, wondering what kind of snack would make the stubborn, bull headed Illyrians slightly less annoying to work with. 

He would just have to focus, he told himself, until he could see you again. 

Rhysand had given him a questioning look when he had asked to take Nyx to school again, but agreed. 

It had only been a few days, but he was already itching to see you again.

He wondered if it was possible that you felt the same way. 

---

Before school, you always took it upon yourself to usher idle children into the building, making sure they got where they needed to be while parents were busy dropping them off and making plans for pick up. 

When you caught a glimpse of massive, outstretched wings, you felt a shock spark through your entire body.

Again? He was really dropping Nyx off again? 

It had only been a few days since you had last seen him. Not nearly enough time to catch your breath, to force thoughts of him out of your mind. 

That tug in your chest, that string urging you closer to him, was relentless. 

You understood now, how people had been driven to madness after their mating bond had been rejected. It took everything you had in you to stay put, to keep yourself from running to him. 

His bright smile as he approached, his eyes locked on yours, made your heart hurt. 

“Hey,” he said, ushering Nyx into the building with a gentle nudge. 

“Hi,” you said quietly, noticing now that nearly everyone had already gone inside or left. You were alone with Cassian. 

He cleared his throat, shifting his weight back and forth between his feet. Was he… nervous?

“So,” he said, then laughed lightly, turning his face to the mountains surrounding the city, scratching the back of his neck.

“Cassian?” You asked, confused, and honestly, slightly impatient. You only had a few minutes to get to your class.

He leveled his gaze back to you again, his eyes twinkling in the sun. “Do you want to get dinner?” 

That had not been what you were expecting, and you felt like your breath was completely caught in your throat. 

Cassian seemed to take your surprise for something else because he started talking again, quickly, like he couldn't get it out fast enough, “Unless you don't want to. It's not a big deal, I was just thinking --”

“Yes,” you cut him off, and he looked relieved, his taut shoulders visibly relaxing.

“You're sure?”

You couldn't keep the smile off your face. “Very sure.”

His face lit up with a grin then, and you had to bite your lip to keep from grinning yourself. You balled your hands into fists at your sides, worried that if you didn't, you would launch yourself at him.

The two of you agreed on a time and a place, and then he was off, and you once again, had to go teach a classroom full of kids as if nothing remarkable had just happened.

By the time dinner with Cassian rolled around, you had convinced yourself that it was definitely not a date. Probably. 

Just… casual dinner between two people who barely knew each other. Acquaintances went out for dinner all the time, right? 

You forced yourself to take a deep breath as you waited outside the restaurant, your fingers toying with the hem of your dress that you had finally decided on, after trying on nearly every piece of clothing that you owned. 

It was a habit of yours to always arrive early, and yet, you only waited a few minutes before Cassian sauntered up to you, like he didn’t have a care in the world. For about the millionth time, you wondered how it was possible that the two of you had been chosen as mates. You couldn’t be more different. 

Cassian’s smile was bright when he was finally towering over you, greeting you with the usual pleasantries before placing his hand on the small of your back and leading you inside. 

Your heart pounded in your chest at the contact. He hadn’t touched you since that first handshake, the touch that made the bond snap into place for you, like nothing you had ever felt before. 

You wondered if it would do the same for him someday. What would his reaction be if he knew?

Disappointed, surely. Confused. Upset?

It was one thing to ask someone to dinner, but to be mates? To be tethered to somebody for life? You suddenly couldn’t bear the thought of him finding out. 

Your mind was spinning by the time the two of you took your seats, and his brow furrowed in concern as his gaze settled on you. “Are you alright?”

You tried to brighten your expression, cursing your face for always being so easy to read. “Fine,” you said, and the smile became easier, more genuine, the longer that you looked at him. “I’ve just got a lot on my mind, I guess. It’s hard to shut it off.”

He nodded thoughtfully. “I understand. Do you want to talk about it?” 

You winced. “Not really. It’s not that interesting, anyway,” you said, waving a hand dismissively. “How are you?” you asked, before you could accidentally reveal something you would regret. 

The corner of his mouth turned up into a small smile, his gaze locked on you. “Why do you do that? Dismiss yourself so casually?”

“What do you mean?”

“You act like what you do isn’t important, or like your feelings don’t matter.” He leaned in closer, bracing his forearms on the table in front of him. “But it’s not true. You have one of the most important jobs… ever. And from what I can tell, you’re really good at it.” 

He relaxed his stance, leaning back in his chair again, his eyes never wavering from yours. “You don’t have to talk about whatever it is that’s bothering you. But, I won’t let you act like it doesn’t matter, because it does.”

Stunned, you opened your mouth, completely unable to form a response. How could he read you so clearly? And why did he care so much?

Finally, all you could say was, “You don’t even know me.”

Cassian’s smile grew slowly. “I know enough. And I’d like to know more.”

The look on his face, the gravel in his voice, the words that he spoke, made heat rush to your cheeks. His smile only widened. 

“What do you want to know?”

---

Cassian couldn’t wipe the grin off his face after that date with you. You had talked for ages, the two of you, and he didn’t think he had ever been so enamored by somebody. You told him all about your family, your friends, how you grew up, your favorite hideout in Velaris, when you just needed to get away from it all. And he had done the same, admittedly, showing off a little with stories from being in Rhysand's trusted inner circle. 

But you didn’t fawn over him like some women did. You sat and listened, your eyes widening at all the right times, but it was like you really saw him. Not the version of him that people talk about in battle, but just… Cassian. 

And he really liked that. 

For weeks, you had consumed his every waking thought and, frankly, several of his dreams. The way you blushed when he smiled at you, the slight tilt of your head when you watched him animatedly tell stories, the way your eyes lit up when you saw him… all of it was driving him completely mad. He saw you as much as he could in those weeks, and though you seemed reluctant to show it, he could tell that you were excited to see him, too. 

Winter was almost upon Velaris, and the air was crisp, but the sun was bright as Cassian sauntered up to the school, hoping that your afternoon was free and he could steal you away for lunch. 

The sun's rays were shining on you like a beacon and he couldn't help but stare as you crouched down to be face to face with a kid, your smile bright as you undoubtedly said something encouraging to him. 

In that moment, he felt like the ground was swaying beneath him as the bond snapped into place.

The bond that tethered you to him, that confirmed what he had been feeling all these weeks, that proved you were meant to be his. 

For a moment, he was ecstatic, but that moment ended quickly as he suddenly remembered that first time you met, the way your eyes widened in shock as he touched you for the first time… you knew. You had known this whole time and you hadn't told him.

Did you not want to be his mate? Did you think it was a bad match? If that were the case, why on earth had you been spending so much time with him?

He stood frozen in place until the crowd of parents and kids had mostly cleared, his thoughts whirling.

Your eyes lit up when you noticed Cassian, but your face fell when you noticed his expression.

He could tell that you figured it out. That he knew. And that he knew you knew.

His heart broke as your eyes flooded with panic, and you turned from him, hurrying away without another glance.

Cassian followed, half debating flying above the city so he could see easier where you were going.

But before long, he knew your destination anyway.

You had told him weeks ago about the beach that you often went to when you needed to clear your head.

When he approached, you were sitting facing the river, your arms wrapped around yourself. The rocks beneath his boots cracked together and alerted you immediately to his presence, but you didn't turn around. 

He sat next to you, wincing a bit as a rock dug into his thigh, careful to tuck his wings in so they wouldn't brush against you.

Your eyes remained on the water for a few moments, a storm inside them. 

Finally, Cassian said, “Why didn't you tell me?”

Thinking, you bit your lip, and despite everything, it made his heart swell. 

“I didn't think you would want to know,” you said, your voice small.

It took an effort not to physically reel back like you had slapped him. He fought to keep his voice calm. “Why not?"

You let out a humorless laugh, still not so much as glancing in his direction. “Why do you think?”

Cassian furrowed his brow, wracking his brain for any indication he may have accidentally given you that would make you think he wouldn't want to be your mate, but he came up with nothing. “I don't know,” he finally said. “Did I do something?”

Your eyes finally met his then, and he felt the urge to cry for the first time in centuries. You looked so defeated, so pained. What had he done to make you react this way?

“No, it's not that, it's…” you bit your lip, your brow furrowed as you held his gaze. “Cassian, you're a warrior. You're in charge of armies, you're one of the most powerful Illyrians of all time, you've literally made history. And I'm…” you gestured to yourself, “I'm nothing compared to you.” You shook your head, facing the water again. “I hid it from you because it doesn't make sense. It must be a mistake.”

Cassian's heart pounded in his ears as he tried to make sense of it. “How could you think it's a mistake?” He said, his voice wavering, but he pushed past it. “How could you think that way about yourself?”

His heart broke when he heard you sniffle, still avoiding his gaze.

Gently, he took your chin between his fingers and urged you to look at him. “It's not a mistake,” he said quietly. “I haven't been able to get you out of my head since the moment I saw you. Do you know why?”

Your bottom lip trembled and you shook your head as much as you could while he was still holding your chin.

“You're incredible. You're endlessly kind and patient. You dedicate your life to helping kids and teaching them how to be who they're meant to be. There wouldn't be armies to lead or healers to fix us after battle, or anything else, if we didn't have teachers leading us along the way.”

Your eyes softened then, and Cassian nearly sighed with relief but he kept pushing, to be sure you would believe what he was telling you. “And gods, you're beautiful,” he smiled, stroking his thumb across your bottom lip. “You drive me crazy.”

A laugh bubbled from your throat and his heart leaped. He shifted his hands so they were cupping your face. “We're meant to be together, you and me. It's not a mistake. And I don't want to hear you talk about yourself like that again.”

You nodded, smiling, looking up at Cassian with stars in your eyes. “I just can't believe you want me.”

“Well, believe it, because it's true,” he murmured, leaning in so his lips brushed the shell of your ear, “I want you more than I've ever wanted anything.”

He felt your breath hitch, and just then it started to snow lightly, the small flakes sticking to your eyelashes and in your hair.

“I want you too, Cassian,” you said quietly before cupping your hand around the back of his neck and pulling him closer, bringing your lips to his.

Cassian couldn't stop his groan as he pulled you closer, kissing you the way he'd been wanting to for weeks.

When you finally parted to catch your breath, he pulled you to his side, and you rested your head on his shoulder as the two of you looked out across the water, the snow still gently drifting down.

It didn't feel real, that he had finally found his mate, the one he was meant to be with. And it was you, who had been consuming his thoughts since the moment you met.

He felt so, so unbelievably lucky and he prayed that you felt the same way about him.

@loving-and-dreaming @birdsflyhome @hanuh @sheblogs @iambored24601 @thalia-as-blog @ecliphttlunar @melmo567 @headacheseason @sillysillygoose444 @halibshepherd @cigvrette-dvydrevms @lilah-asteria @marina468 @evergreenlark @bookloverandalsocats @yourqueenlilith @mariamay02 @azrielshadows1nger @andreperez11

[itneverendshere]

Could you maybe do a one shot of insecure reader x rafe? Reader doesn't believe Rafe finds her actually sexually attractive and her insecurities/bad self esteem are putting a strain on their relationship. And there is that whole ''her having a problem with him liking her, because she does not like herself so she is uncomfortable and pushes him away'' type of deal. Maybe he shots himself in the foot when she asks if he finds her attractive, and because he knows her self esteem is so low, he is trying to comfort her by answering ''Looks aren't important in life '' and she feels heartbroken. She from then is short in texts, doesn't answer his calls etc.

get to the bottom of you - r.c (+18)

pairing: insecure!reader x lover boy!rafe warnings: angst; mentions of low self-esteem; smut

His room should have been a place of comfort—a place where you felt safe—it wasn’t tonight.

You could hear him moving around in the bathroom, the sound of the faucet running, the clinking of his toothbrush against the sink. You should have been inside with him, brushing your teeth side by side, playfully jostling him with your elbow like you usually did. His laughter had echoed through the door just a few minutes ago as he’d told some joke you didn’t catch.

Normally, you’d laugh too, even if you didn’t understand the punchline, but tonight you barely mustered a smile. You couldn’t help it. You’d been feeling off for days now.

You loved him. That wasn’t in question. But the doubts mocking you—the insecurity, the voice in your head that whispered, why would he want someone like you?—were getting louder. It had been there since the start, this ever-present thought that you were out of place. That a guy like Rafe couldn’t possibly be interested in someone like you.

You loved him with everything you had, but how could you let him love you back when you couldn’t even like yourself?

He had been nothing but patient with you since the beginning, but no matter how many times he reassured you, the voice in your head—the one that whispered that you weren’t good enough, that you weren’t what he wanted—never seemed to quiet down. You couldn’t see yourself the way Rafe did. The compliments he gave you always felt empty, like he was just saying what he thought you wanted to hear. 

Earlier tonight, he'd had been busy texting on his phone, and the longer you sat there, the more the voices in your head snapped at you. He hadn’t looked at you in what felt like hours, hadn’t even noticed the way you’d been shifting awkwardly in your seat.

He was the guy who turned heads when he walked into a room. Confident, self-assured, with a sharp smile and piercing blue eyes that could make anyone feel like the center of the universe.

You weren’t like the girls you’d seen him with before. They were stunning, all sharp cheekbones, and perfect hair, the kind of women that could stop someone in their tracks. You, on the other hand, had always been self-conscious—your appearance, your body, the way you looked in clothes. It wasn’t that you hated yourself exactly; you just… never felt enough. Not enough for someone like him.

That’s what kept you up at night.

The door opened, and Rafe stepped out, smiling at you, toothbrush still in hand. His blue sparkled as he walked over to you, leaning against the wall casually. His hair was damp from washing his face, and he had that easy, relaxed look on his face that usually made your heart flutter. 

“You good?” he asked, his voice warm and teasing, as always.

You nodded quickly, forcing a smile,“Yeah, just tired,” you murmured, pushing your phone aside and getting up from the bed. You crossed the room to the window, feeling the cool breeze against your skin.

You hated this—hated that you couldn’t just let things be, hated that your mind was always spinning in circles, convincing you that something was wrong. But it was hard to shake the feeling that you didn’t deserve this, didn’t deserve him.

He, always so perceptive, frowned slightly and walked over to you. He placed his hands on your waist and gently pulled you back against him. His warmth should’ve been reassuring, but instead, it only made you feel more fragile. “You sure?” he pressed, leaning down to rest his chin on your shoulder.

“Yeah,” you lied again, this time a little more firmly, hoping he wouldn’t push.

But of course, he did.

 “You’ve been quiet all night.” His hands slid around your waist, pulling you closer. Normally, you’d melt into him, but tonight, it felt different. Heavy.

You stared out at the darkened horizon, biting your lip. Maybe this was your moment to ask the question that had been eating at you for the past weeks, but every time you shoved it back down, afraid of the answer.

You hesitated, chewing on your bottom lip as you tried to find the right words. You didn’t want to sound ridiculous, didn’t want to admit how insecure you felt. “Rafe..”

“Yeah?” he whispered, his breath tickling your neck.

Your fingers twisted in the fabric of your shirt, his shirt, and you turned around in his arms, meeting his focused gaze. “Do you… do you find me attractive?”

His brows furrowed at your question. It was such a simple question, but to you, it felt like everything. Like the entire foundation of your relationship was resting on his answer. Your heart was pounding now, and you could feel the burn of tears threatening to surface.

“What?” he asked softly, “Why would you even ask that?”

You felt a lump in your throat, and you swallowed hard. “I just… I need to know.”

Rafe’s hand came up to cup your cheek, his thumb brushing softly across your skin. He opened his mouth to speak, but then hesitated, as if trying to find the right words. You watched his eyes flicker with uncertainty, and that hesitation made your heart sink.

“Looks aren’t everything, y'know,” he said quietly, his tone careful, as if he was walking on eggshells.

You froze.

His words echoed again in your head, and your worst fear—the one that had been brewing inside you for so long—solidified in front of you.

Looks aren’t everything.

He wasn’t saying yes. He wasn’t reassuring you, telling you how beautiful you were, how much he wanted you, how much you meant to him. Instead, he was saying that it didn’t matter. That it was irrelevant. Your chest tightened, and you couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think past the heartbreak that was building in your veins.

You pushed him away gently, stepping back out of his embrace.

“Right,” you whispered, your voice breaking. You couldn’t look at him now, not with your vision swimming and your throat closing up.

“Wait, that’s not—” Rafe began, stepping forward, his hand reaching for you. “That’s not what I meant. You know I didn’t mean it like that.”

“C-Can you please let me go?”

He didn’t want you, not in the way you needed him to.

He must have seen the change in your expression, because his eyes widened, and he immediately backpedaled. “No, no, you know hat’s not what I meant,” he said quickly, his voice tinged with panic. “I didn’t mean—”

You pulled your hand away from his, shaking your head as the tears welled up in your eyes. “It’s fine,” you whispered, even though it wasn’t. Your voice cracked, and you hated that you couldn’t keep it together.

Rafe reached for you again, but you stood up before he could grab your hand. “Hey, wait,” he said, standing up as well, his voice pleading now. “That’s not what I meant. You know that’s not what I meant.”

But you couldn’t listen to him, not when every insecurity you had about yourself had just been confirmed. You didn’t want to hear him explain, didn’t want to hear whatever excuse he was going to give you. You needed space. 

Without another word, you turned and walked to the door, your hands trembling as you reached for the handle.

"Please don’t go," Rafe's voice was quiet, a vulnerability in it that you weren’t used to hearing. He sounded scared, and that hurt even more because you knew this wasn’t his fault. Not really. It was you—your insecurities, your doubts, your inability to believe that someone like him could truly want someone like you.

"I just need a minute.”

The hallway felt cold compared to the warmth of his room. You pressed your back against the wall, sinking to the floor, your knees pulled to your chest. You could still hear him moving around inside, pacing maybe, and it made your stomach twist in knots.

How had things gone so wrong so quickly?

You buried your face in your hands, trying to calm yourself but it was no use. The tears came, hot and fast, burning your cheeks as you sobbed quietly. You hated this. You hated feeling so unsure of yourself, so small, so unworthy. And you hated that Rafe, the one person who made you feel safe, had unknowingly thrown all of that into question.

Looks aren’t everything.

It wasn't about whether you thought he was shallow—Rafe had never been that type of guy—but the way he hesitated, the way he tiptoed around your question.

Your phone buzzed in your pocket, and you pulled it out, your vision still blurry from the tears. It was a group chat notification from the friends you had been out with earlier that week. A picture had been sent, one of the group photos taken during the event. You scanned through it, your attention landing on a figure that made your heart sink further—her.

Rafe’s ex, standing tall and confident beside him, her radiant smile lighting up the frame. Her beauty was undeniable—perfectly coiffed hair, a jawline that could cut glass, and an air of effortless poise that seemed to draw everyone in. Adriana Lima, but real. 

And next to her? You.

The contrast between you two felt overwhelming. How could you, with your insecurities and imperfections, ever hope to measure up to someone like her? The thought that Rafe had once been with someone like that, someone who seemed flawless in every way... it killed you.

It wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t even hers. It was you.

You needed to leave. You needed space. Without another glance back, you pushed yourself off the floor and slipped out his house, the hallway eerily quiet as you hurried toward the stairs, wiping at your tear-streaked face.

As the door slid shut, you could hear the faint sound of his footsteps, but by then it was too late. You got in your car speeding off before he could open the door.

After that night, things only got worse. You’d pulled back, distancing yourself from him in every way possible. You didn’t answer his texts for hours, and when you did, they were short, clipped replies. You stopped calling him back, ignored the missed calls that filled your phone—everything. It wasn’t that you didn’t want to talk to him; you just couldn’t. Not yet.

You hated it. You hated yourself for pushing him away, but more than that, you hated the way you couldn’t stop spiraling.

You avoided places where you might run into him. No coffee shops, no mutual friends’ gatherings. You threw yourself into work, into anything that could distract you from thinking about him, about the look on his face when you’d left him there.

You missed him—missed his laugh, missed the way he’d pull you close just because, missed the way he’d make you feel like you were the only person in the world when he looked at you.

On the third night, you were lying in bed, staring blankly at your phone screen. Rafe had sent a text earlier, and though you’d ignored it, you couldn’t bring yourself to delete it like the others.

Rafe: i miss you. please talk to me. just want to know you’re okay.

You squeezed your eyes shut, clutching the phone tighter in your hand. You wanted to answer. You wanted to tell him that you missed him too, that you were okay—but the truth was, you weren’t. You hadn’t been okay for a long time, and you didn’t know how to explain that to him. Every little insecurity, every time you’d felt like you weren’t enough.

Your chest tightened again, you wished you could be different, stronger, more secure in yourself. You wished you could believe him, that you could trust his words. Your phone buzzed again, and this time you hesitated before picking it up. It was another text from him.

Rafe: i get that you need space, but please don’t shut me out. i don’t know what else to say except i love you. i just wanna talk.

I love you.

You stared at the words on the screen. He loved you. Maybe that should have been enough. Maybe it was enough, but somehow, you still felt hollow, still felt like you were standing on the outside of your own life. You locked your phone without responding, tossing it onto the bed next to you as you buried your face in your hands.

You were terrified that if you let him in now if you finally told him how you felt, it might break something between you two. But hadn’t something already broken?

The next two weeks seemed never-ending, the hours blurring together as you went through the motions at your internship, half-heartedly responding to emails, nodding through conversations, and generally just existing.

By the time you returned home, you felt like you’d been run over by a truck. As you kicked off your shoes, there was a soft knock on your door.

Your heart sank.

You knew it was him before you even opened it. Rafe stood there, his hands in his pockets. His eyes met yours, and for a moment, neither of you said anything. 

“Can we talk?” His voice was quiet, almost pleading, searching your face for any sign that you might push him away again.

You stepped back, letting him in, and closed the door softly behind him. You didn’t trust yourself to speak, so you gestured for him to sit, though neither of you moved right away. Rafe stayed standing, studying your face, and you could tell that he was trying to figure out how to begin.

“I—" he started, but then stopped, running a hand through his hair, like he’d been rehearsing those words over and over in his head. “I don’t know what to say, honestly. I’ve been trying to figure out what I did wrong, what I said wrong. But I don’t think it’s just about what I said that night, is it?”

He wasn’t mad, he wasn’t frustrated—he was just… sad. Sad that you hadn’t let him in. Sad that you had been carrying all of this on your own.

You felt a lump form in your throat, and your chest tightened again, but this time it was from knowing you’d done this to him. It was from knowing that you’d pushed him away.

You couldn’t run from this anymore.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered, “It’s not you. It’s me. I know that’s such a cliché, but—I don’t know how to fix this.”

Rafe took a cautious step closer, his hands still in his pockets, like he didn’t want to crowd you but couldn’t stay away either.

“I don’t need you to fix anything. Just need you to talk to me, okay? To tell me what’s going on in your pretty head, even if it’s hard.”

“I don’t understand why you’d want to be with someone like me.”

His brows knitted together in concern. “Someone like you?” he repeated, like the concept was absurd. He stepped closer again, reaching for your hand, but this time you didn’t pull away, “You mean the love of my life?”

The love of his life.

It sounded so easy when he said it. So genuine. As if it was the most natural thing in the world, like he’d never even considered anyone else. But how could he be so sure when you weren’t?

“What if you get tired of me?” your voice was so meek it nearly killed him, the fear in your voice so so vulnerable. “What if one day, you wake up and realize you could be with someone better? Someone like—”

“Stop,” he interrupted his voice firm. “There is no someone else, baby. There is no one better. M' here because I want to be here. With you. I chose you. I’ll keep choosing you. Even when you’re doubting yourself, even when you think you don’t deserve it. I’ll still be here, because I love you. And I need you to believe that, okay?”

You swallowed hard, your chest still aching from the emotion bubbling up inside you. 

“But what if I can’t stop doubting?” 

Rafe stepped closer, his hand moving to cup your cheek as he tilted your face up to meet his gaze, “Then we’ll work through it together,” he said softly. “M' not going anywhere. Doubt all you want. Question it if you have to. But don’t ever shut me out again, you hear me? I can’t lose you.”

Your breath hitched as his thumb brushed softly across your cheek, his attention unwavering, filled with a tenderness that nearly broke you. There he was, standing in front of you, patient, willing to wait, to love you through every insecurity you tried to hide.

“Okay,” you muttered.

A faint smile tugged at the corners of his lips as he brushed a tear away with his thumb. “Yeah?” he asked, his voice hopeful, as if he was waiting for a sign that maybe you were ready to let him in again.

You nodded, unable to trust your voice not to break. He leaned down, pressing a soft kiss to your forehead, and you closed your eyes, allowing yourself to be held by him.

“Lemme prove it to you, please.”

His eyes flickered to your lips, and then his hand was on the back of your neck, tugging you to him. Your lips met his in a hungry kiss, moving together and tongues running along one another.

He grips your waist and moved you like you weigh nothing. You could feel his warmth seeping into your skin, and for the first time in days, your insecurities started to lift. His lips never left yours, deepening the kiss as he pressed you against the door, his body flush against yours, grounding you.

His hands touched your body with a gentle urgency, pulling you closer, fingers slipping under the hem of your shirt, blunt fingernails digging into your skin. 

He broke the kiss for a moment, breathless, his lips shiny with your spit, “You don’t see it, do you?” he murmured softly, his fingers tracing your lips with a reverence that made your heart burst, “You don’t know how badly I want you. How perfect you are to me.”

His hands moved lower, his fingers brushing the bare skin of your waist, his touch firm but gentle as if reassuring you that he meant every word.

“Let me show you,” he repeated, his lips brushing the corner of your mouth before trailing down to your jaw, then lower to your neck, where he placed soft, heated sloppy kisses that made you shiver. “Every inch of you, fuck—I love everything.”

His big hands moved to your ass, squeezing the flesh so hard, you were sure it would bruise. “God, you’re so beautiful,” he groaned against your lips, his hands now sliding under your sleeping shorts, feeling every inch of bare skin. “Your skin—so soft. I can’t get enough of you.” 

A fervent moan slipped past your lips when his hard cock pressed against your thighs. You could feel his breath against your neck, his lips brushing the sensitive skin there, making you gasp.

“I need you,” he whispered against your ear, his voice rough with want. "I need you to believe me."

And for a moment, you did. You let yourself sink into him, his warmth, his strength, his words—all of it. You let yourself believe that maybe, just maybe, he could love you the way you needed him to.

His fingers slid under the hem of your shirt, pulling it up as his lips trailed lower, over your collarbone, to the top of your chest. His hands squeeze the flesh of your ass, a sharp slap echoing through the room as you whimpered, and he chuckled before taking a nipple into his mouth and working it with his tongue.

His hands were everywhere—gripping, squeezing, exploring—as though he was trying to memorize every inch of you, to show you exactly what he meant.

Your fingers threaded into his hair, tugging softly before your nails pressed into his neck, eliciting a groan against your nipple. He then shifted to the other side, his tongue flickering rapidly against the hardening peak. The feel of his mouth on your skin, the way his hands moved over you with such care, made your head spin. 

You gasped as his mouth worked its magic, alternating between teasing bites and soft licks that.

"Rafe..." you breathed, your voice shaky as his lips trailed back up, capturing yours again in a heated kiss. You could feel him everywhere, pressing into you. It was overwhelming, the way he moved, the way he held you like you were the only thing that mattered.

His fingers slid under the waistband of your shorts, teasing the sensitive skin of your hips before he tugged them down in one swift motion. You kicked them off, your breath quickening as he pressed himself against you, his hard cock straining against the thin fabric of his boxers.

“Do you believe me now?” he groaned against your lips, his voice hoarse from how long he’d been kissing every part of you.

You nodded, but it wasn’t enough for him. He wanted to hear you say it. His hand gripped your chin, tilting your face up to meet his gaze.

"Tell me," he demanded.

"I believe you.”

His hands roamed over your body, tracing every curve, every dip, like he was worshipping you. He lifted you easily, carrying you over to the couch and laying you down gently, his eyes never leaving yours. You watched as he stood, pulling off his shirt and boxers in one fluid motion before climbing over you, his body hovering just above yours.

His skin was warm, his muscles tense as he held himself back, waiting for your permission. You reached up, your fingers tracing the lines of his jaw, his chest, his abs, before pulling him down to you. He settled between your legs, his cock pressing against your heat, and you moaned softly, your body arching into his.

“God, I need you,” he groaned, his hips rolling against yours in a slow, torturous rhythm, his head nudging your clit, "Tell me you need me too."

“I do,” you breathed, your nails digging into his shoulders as you wrapped your legs around his waist, pulling him closer. “I need you, Rafe.”

That was all he needed to hear.

With one swift motion, he lined himself up and pushed inside you, filling you completely. You gasped, your back arching off the bed as he stretched you, the feeling of him inside you so intense it made your head spin. He paused for a moment, his forehead resting against yours, his breath ragged as he gave you a second to adjust.

“You’re perfect,” he whispered, his voice rough with emotion. “So perfect for me.”

His breathing was already ragged, soft moans filling your ears as moved with him. 

“Fuckin’—You were made for me, weren’t you?” He murmured against your ear, nipping at your earlobe as he gripped your hips. 

His words made your head spin, and you felt your breath stutter as you clamped down around him. He grinned against your ear, using the grip on your hair to tug your head back and look into your eyes.

You nodded, nails digging into his shoulders. “Yes, f-fuck—”

His smile widened and he thrusted into you faster, the slap of skin on skin growing louder, “Atta girl. That’s my baby.”

"Rafe," you gasped, his name falling from your lips in a breathy moan as he hit a spot deep inside you that sent a wave of pleasure rolling through your body. He growled low in his throat at the sound, his hips rolling faster, driving deeper, his breath hot against your skin.

"Say it again," he urged, his voice a low rasp against your ear as his teeth grazed your neck. "Say my name."

You complied, your fingers digging into his back as you whispered his name again and again, each time more broken, more desperate. He groaned in response, his movements becoming rougher, more frantic as if he couldn’t get enough of you.

“I love you,” he breathed out, the sincerity of his words almost lost in the haze of pleasure that surrounded you both. But you heard it—you felt it—and it was enough to push you closer to the edge.

His hand slipped between your bodies, his fingers finding your clit and rubbing tight, deliberate circles that made you cry out, your back arching off the couch as the pleasure built, spiraling higher and higher until you could barely breathe.

"I-I love you," he said again, the words spilling out between ragged breaths as his thumb pressed harder against your clit, sending sparks of pleasure through your body. "God, I love you so much. You're everything to me."

Your body trembled beneath him, teetering on the edge of release. The way he was holding you, like you were the most precious thing in the world—it was all too much, too perfect. Your fingers tangled in his hair, pulling him down so that your lips met again, your need for him matching his in every way.

"Rafe," you gasped against his lips, your body arching into his as the tension coiled tighter inside you, ready to snap.

“I got you,” he murmured, his voice soothing yet rough, his forehead pressing against yours as his fingers worked you closer to the brink. “Come for me, baby. I need t’feel you.”

And you did—your body tensing, pleasure crashing over you in waves as you cried out his name. Rafe groaned as you clenched around him, his thrusts becoming erratic as he chased his own release, his grip on your waist almost bruising as he buried himself deep inside you one last time, moaning your name as he came.

He stayed there, hovering above you, his face buried in your neck, his lips pressing soft kisses against your damp skin as you both came down from the high.

You didn’t speak right away, your body still humming with the aftershocks of pleasure, but when he finally pulled back to look at you, his eyes were soft, full of that same tenderness you’d seen earlier. His thumb brushed your cheek as he gazed down at you with a look that made your heart swell.

He reached up, brushing a stray strand of hair away from your face as he traced your cheek.

“You okay?”

You nodded, a smile tugging at the corners of your lips as you met his gaze. “I think I am.”

For the first time in what felt like forever, you believed it. You weren’t perfect, and maybe you never would be. But right now, in this moment, wrapped in his arms, you felt like you were enough.

And that was more than enough for him.

[annabelle--cane]

placing my hands out placatingly, asking everyone to please be cool and not reignite og!elias burnt out gifted kid discourse. okay? okay. I think this is setting up some more sam and gwen parallels. from mag 193, we know that elias bouchard (original flavor) was told from a young age that he was smart but lazy, he was squandering his advantages, and he was wrong to envy other children because they were meaningless and he was better. he seemed to internalize this to some extent, because by the time he was in his early twenties he had no friends and no family and no real life, just the certainty that he was destined to deserve better.

I think it is reasonable to assume that gwen received similar messaging during her childhood, as she seems to be treating the OIAR the same way elias treated artefact storage (as a stepping stone job to a bigger career waiting for her up the ladder), and she takes a lot of offence when she feels disrespected. from magp 03, we know she's reticent to tell her friends that she's still working this same job, especially because the friend's party she was going to was to celebrate making partner at a law firm.

from this episode, we know that sam was declared "gifted" as a child and his parents rigorously enrolled him in every program they could find, and it started going down hill when the magnus institute rejected him (did they reject him outright or was he there for a bit and then kicked out? what he said to celia doesn't quite fit his earlier statements, but moving on). he has a lot of pent up and fixated feelings about not being chosen by them, he didn't get into oxford, he just missed the highest grades, and he's reticent to tell his parents that he's working this job, especially because he used to be at a law firm.

we know the bouchards are a wealthy and influential family, and as sam speaks with a south asian accent I think it's safe to assume that his family immigrated. of course, there's a massive amount of variation in the socioeconomic statuses of south asian immigrant families in the UK, and I don't know enough about how british gifted kids programs work to know if sam having been in a bunch of them would imply anything about his parents' disposable income, but nonetheless I still think their different backgrounds potentially say a lot about how they handle these feelings of not meeting the high standards that were expected of / promised to them. gwen is fighting to be on the same level of social status and power as her peers, and sam probably felt like he was he had opportunities for upward mobility in this brand new place but kept failing them. it's causing both of them to be very active characters, they are the two people pushing the story forward the most by far, but the ways in which they are active diverge greatly.

gwen, until recently, had felt like she was unfairly stagnating, like she was "not most people" and was cut out for better, and being constantly barred from climbing the ladder made her both resentful of lena and extremely paranoid / insecure about her own worth. now that she's starting to crack it into the "real work," it's obviously taking a great toll on her, but she doesn't want to back out, she wants to prove herself and take what's rightfully hers and not show herself to be unfit for real power. her actions appear to be guided by an ethos that her life hasn't been wasted yet, she still has time to make good, she just needs to ignore that weakness masquerading as a conscience, please god don't let her fail.

sam feels like he's made mistake after mistake after mistake and led himself to his own desperate state where he only just managed to avoid destitution because his ex was kind enough to hook him up with an emergency job that is actively destroying his physical and emotional health, and he has pinned all this frustration on trying to figure out what the magnus institute was all about and why it didn't choose him. like gwen, great things were expected of him, but unlike her he doesn't seem to still be striving for them, that dried up when he had a breakdown at his last job. now he just wants to figure it out and make sense of it, as if solving the mystery will let him fix it and undo all that time and un-waste his promised potential. his actions seem to be guided by an ethos that, even though he's already screwed everything right up, solving the ghosts that haunt his life will some how lessen their burden and maybe, just maybe, give him closure on the Flaw That Doomed Him and allow him to move past it without dragging it still forward.

[hedghost]

alessia russo | make you my problem

sick of her family's endless questions about her dating life, alessia invents a fake girlfriend to get them off her back. unfortunately, now she has to deal with the consequences, which means dealing with you.

(fake dating fic inspired by business by catfish and the bottlemen)

word count: 13.5k

alessia stared down at the card in her hand. her eyes flicked over the perfectly printed calligraphy for the hundredth time that day. it was the first time she'd got it out since it had been delivered three months ago, when she'd promptly piled it beneath a stack of bills on the countertop, and tried to ignore it. unfortunately, the solution hadn't magically appeared as she'd hoped it would, and the wedding was fast approaching.

she read the words again, her expression burning lasers into the paper.

formally invited... et cetera et cetera... the wedding of luca russo... so on and so forth... invites alessia russo... and there was the kicker... plus one.

to really rub salt in the wound, her brother luca had scribbled a sharpie winky face next to the last bit, obscuring the ornate lettering with a scruffy, mocking squiggle.

let it be clear, alessia enjoyed her life the way it was. she enjoyed not being tied down by the constraints of someone else, she enjoyed her own space, her independence. she'd curated her own little routines, her own little preferences, and now she was free to bask in the luxuries of single life. but still, her heart tugged a little at the card - and its implications.

when luca had asked if she'd wanted a plus one to the wedding, months ago, she'd been tempted to answer truthfully, and decline. it was the look on his face however, that teasing smirk that was always so prevalent between siblings, that changed her mind. if she said no, she'd be subject to the usual smug commentary from her brothers, both of whom were happily partnered off, and the unbearably not-so-subtle questions from her parents about her dating life. and so she did her best impression of nonchalance, waved him off with a non-committal smile, and said yes.

she had braced herself for the comments, let it wash off her back when her mum asked her if she had 'finally found someone', or when her other brother gio gave her a vastly sceptical look, like he couldn't believe she'd ever bring a date. it was fine. she was used to this.

as much as alessia loved single life, it would be a lie to say it didn't sting when she turned up to every family gathering alone, watching everyone else with their partners. it would be a lie to say the ribbing and teasing from her brothers didn't hurt a little, that it didn't play on some deep-rooted insecurity she'd tried so hard to stamp out. she told herself it was better this way, but year by year, she watched from the side-lines as all her friends seemed to find their other halves, and yet here she remained, as luca had once said; a 'lone wolf'.

so she'd said yes, when the wedding had been months away, and she had all the time in the world to find a date. now, the wedding was a week away, and here she was. glaring daggers into a wedding invite, very much dateless.

her phone vibrated against the counter, where she'd dropped it unceremoniously after coming in from her match. it was undoubtedly luca again, who had been trying to call her all day. she knew exactly why he was calling. alessia considered declining the call, but she knew her brother would be persistent.

"hey luca," she sighed into the phone, leaning her head against the cupboard.

"less, hi! great game today!"

"thanks," she murmured. her head was beginning to hurt, and she was unsure if it was from the bone-deep exhaustion she felt, or the looming threat of showing up alone to the wedding.

"hey listen, i just wanted to ask you about the-"

"-the wedding, yeah i know," alessia racked her brain for a way out of this conversation, but came up short.

"okay cool, just because you never responded to my texts about your date, and i need to know if you're actually bringing one," luca paused, a muffled noise coming from the other end of the line. alessia assumed he was talking to his fiancée. luca spoke again, voice slightly softer, but still a little harried. "if you aren't that's alright, we just need to know like, right now. if it were anyone else i'd say it's too late to change stuff but since it's you, i'll let you off,"

alessia hesitated. she could tell him the truth. she really should tell him the truth. luca had just given her an out, perfectly plated up for her.

and yet, irritation stirred inside her. luca seemed so sure, so certain that she didn't have a date. she couldn't bear the thought of proving him right. she could already hear gio's remarks, see his smug smile. her mum's overly sympathetic expression flashed in her mind, not for the first time.

alessia loved her brothers, really she did. but that's not to say that, like most siblings, they couldn't be really, fucking annoying. honestly, most things alessia did in life were to spite them. even football, which at first had been her way of joining in with her cool, older brothers, soon became a way to show them up, to prove that anything they could do, she could wipe the floor with them at. alessia made her decision.

"no, it's fine, i'm bringing someone,"

"wait, what?" luca's shock was evident in his voice. alessia gritted her teeth.

"i'm dating someone,"

"seriously?" luca now seemed to be scrambling for what to say, clearly having not expected this answer. "oh, yeah, cool, well, in that case, we need to know his name for the seating charts and stuff,"

alessia cringed. both at luca's assumption of gender, and at the trap she'd just laid for herself. this was a very stupid idea.

"her name," she corrected, on instinct.

god, what was wrong with her? why couldn't she stop talking?

"oh! right sorry- good for you less. we need her name then,"

fuck. what was she doing? alessia had dug herself into a hole of epic proportions, and she really hadn't thought this far ahead. in all honestly, she hadn't really thought at all.

she couldn't back out now though. alessia racked her brain for potential fake suitors, someone she could convince to accompany her for the evening, someone who would raise very little questions. she considered ella, but alessia's family all knew she had a boyfriend. millie, maybe? god knows millie had a thing for dating footballers, but alessia also knew she was awful at keeping her mouth shut. she could try katie, but her brothers had met her on many occasions, they wouldn't believe it for a second. no, it needed to be someone her brothers didn't know well, someone who it would be very easy to erase from her family's memory once the night was over.

alessia felt her mouth move before she had the time to process what she was even saying. the regret was instant, but the words were out before she could swallow them.

"y/n,"

"wait, from united? y/n y/l/n?"

shit. shit, this was bad. of all the players, why had she unconsciously said your name. alessia swallowed hard, closing her eyes and wincing as she nodded to herself.

"yes,"

"oh shit, i didn't even know you guys were close,"

exactly, cursed alessia to herself, we aren't.

"its pretty recent," alessia said instead. god, this was bad. this was so, so bad.

"okay, does she have any food allergies or anything?"

as if alessia had any idea. she'd had maybe five conversations with you in total, and every single one had been utterly infuriating. why she'd said your name was a mystery, and one she was majorly regretting already.

"uh, i don't think so, i'll double check tomorrow," alessia winced as she spoke, very glad this conversation was not face to face.

"well, can you text her now?"

no, alessia thought, i cannot. she didn't even have your number.

"sure," alessia needed to end the call before she said something else she'd regret, "okay luca, i have to go, i'll speak to you later okay?"

"what less no! you just dropped a bomb that you're finally seeing someone, and you're just going to hang up without telling me a thing?"

"yes, i am. goodnight luca,"

after hanging up, alessia borderline threw her phone across the room. she collapsed into a chair, dragging her hands over her face.

"what the fuck have i just done?"

---

alessia woke up the next day, feeling entirely unrefreshed, and unresolved. she'd hoped to sleep on her options after her disastrous claims to luca last night, but the stress of it all meant she barely slept full stop.

at least she had the day off from training. the thought of facing you right now was honestly sickening. not for the first time, alessia cursed herself for saying your name. why she hadn't chosen someone she was actually friends with - someone who would actually go along with her ridiculous lie - was beyond her.

it wasn't that alessia didn't like you, per se, but the two of you had just never seemed to click. since your transfer at the start of the season, you'd become fast friends with pretty much all of the girls, except alessia. honestly, it had killed her at first. alessia prided herself on being likeable, on being able to get on with most people, but for some reason, it was like there was an invisible barrier between the two of you. okay, yeah maybe alessia just didn't like you.

alessia had tried to initiate conversations, but you'd respond with a standoffish comment, or a blunt joke that just didn't seem to land with her. everyone else would laugh, but alessia would find herself awkwardly drawing a blank on what to do or say. the few times you did speak, alessia just found herself getting irritated with you, with the way you seemed to constantly be mocking or teasing her for something, the way you always left her feeling frustrated, and flustered. she assumed you had some sort of vendetta agaisnt her, although she could never quite pinpoint what, or why.

she'd never really had to try to get people to like her before, never really had to force conversation, and for once in her life she hadn't known how to interact with someone.

and so, rather than try, she'd kind of just accepted it. if you didn't like her, if you had some sort of problem with her, then she'd just leave you alone. and so she had. you interacted in a purely surface level manner, as teammates - and no one could deny you were an attacking double act to be reckoned with on the pitch - but that was about as far as it went.

her musing was interrupted by a rather heavy pounding on the door of her flat. she dragged herself out of bed, expecting the postman, but instead was greeted by a very excited ella.

"why didn't you tell me?" ella said immediately, barging past alessia into the flat with the force of a bull on steroids. her eyes widened and she began to look around frantically. "oh my god, is she here?" alessia rubbed the sleep from her eyes. she was not awake enough for whatever this was.

"el, i- what?"

"y/n? is she here?" ella turned to look at alessia, honest-to-god beaming at her. "i can't believe you didn't tell me!"

finally, alessia's brain caught up with ella's tirade. right, y/n.

"you spoke to luca," it wasn't a question. ella didn't seem to notice alessia's sour mood, instead moving to look in alessia's bedroom, as if for some damned reason you'd be in there, god forbid.

alessia weighed her options carefully. on the one hand, she couldn't lie to ella. she'd be found out almost immediately. plus, once ella was involved, that meant the whole team was. it was one thing to lie to her family for one evening, but to lie to the whole team, who she spent hours each day in close contact with, was a whole other kettle of fish. of course, this was all assuming alessia actually spoke to you, and by some miracle, convinced you to keep up the lie. this of course would never happen, since alessia was still pretty sure you hated her.

alternatively, and probably the best idea, she could tell ella the truth. ella might even be able to help her out, set her up with a date or something. it crossed her mind that you were friends with ella, and maybe she'd be able to get you to help alessia out. she dismissed that idea pretty quickly.

"ella, listen-" she began, but ella cut her off immediately.

"oh, less i'm so happy for you guys, i knew you would be so great together!"

alessia was a little taken aback. the thought that ella had seen her interact with you, and somehow come to that conclusion, was honestly baffling. in alessia's shock, ella continued on, " i never understood why you never seemed to get on with her, because you know, she's literally the best, but now it all makes sense!"

"it...does?" alessia didn't really know what to say. she absolutely hadn't expected this reaction.

"you were being shy because you had a crush!" ella exclaimed, as though she'd come to an obvious conclusion. "fuck's sake less, you should've just told me you liked her, i could have set you guys up so much sooner-" alessia barely knew how to respond, she just knew she had to stop this before ella went any further.

"no, that's not-"

"aw less, this is so cute! i can't wait to tell everyone else!" that snapped alessia back to reality.

"no! i mean, please don't,"

"why not?" ella looked at alessia, eyes questioning. she needed to confess, to tell ella the truth before it spiralled. this was already getting out of hand and alessia needed to put it to bed, right now.

"we-uh- we aren't telling people yet. its pretty recent,"

oops.

"oh right, yeah totally less," ella nodded solemnly, and gave alessia a reassuring smile. she tried to return it, but she couldn't muster much more than a grimace, "okay, well, i only stopped by to ask you about it, but i'll see you tomorrow yeah?"

alessia only nodded, watching helplessly after ella as she disappeared down the corridor. she'd really gone and fucked it now.

---

she spent the rest of the day contemplating her options, but unsurprisingly, found no easy way out. she refused point blank to admit to luca it was a lie, espescially now that ella was involved, which meant only one thing. she had to ask for your help. alessia felt honestly ill at just the thought of speaking to you, but she resigned herself to it - it was the only option. it was one night, a single wedding. all she had to do was get on her knees and beg, put up with one night of your infuriating company, then endure a lifetime of embarassment from you. super easy.

ella's earlier words remained in the forefront of her mind. alessia knew that it would only be a matter of time before the whole team discovered the 'news', which meant she had to get to you before they did. she considered messaging you on instagram, but her finger hovered over the button, unable to move.

no, she thought, after opening your profile for the hundredth time. this was the kind of conversation you had face-to-face. although not that alessia had ever had to have this ridiculous conversation before. besides, surely it was best to leave no paper trail.

----

alessia had virtually no sleep for the second night in a row, sleeping though her alarm and therefore ensuing on a mad rush to get to the training ground in time. by the time she arrived, she was practically vibrating; a combination of nervous energy and the coffee she'd downed as she ran out her door.

alessia arrived at the ground in time for the morning meeting, which she listened to approximately none of, hyper-aware of your presence on the other side of the room. finally marc finished speaking, and she stood to try and catch you.

"y/n?" she called, voice borderline desperate. you turned to look at her, as did ona and aoife, who you'd been mid-conversation with. you didn't say anything, just looked into alessia's eyes expectantly. realising she had the attention of a quarter of the room, it occurred to her that now was not the best time to do this. alessia's voice trailed off, and she took a step back.

"uh, nothing," alessia mumbled, and you smirked a little. she gritted her teeth in annoyance, and walked in the opposite direction, just desperate to be anywhere but here, caught like a deer in your headlights. she decided to give it an hour, then catch you alone.

alessia lasted all of 15 minutes before the anxiety got too much, and she took off in search of you. she was so preoccupied that she didn't even see ella coming the other way. she barely even registered the collision, just questioning her on your whereabouts immediately.

"hey, have you seen y/n?"

ella raised her eyebrow, a shit-eating grin plastered onto her face within seconds. alessia rolled her eyes impatiently, knowing exactly where ella's mind had gone. god this was unbearable.

"not for that, i need to speak to her," alessia was getting anxious now, just desperate for this whole thing to be over, and ella's suggestive looks weren't helping in the least. ella seemed to notice when her breath picked up.

"you good, less?"

"can you please just tell me where y/n is?"

"i think she went towards the gym," ella calmed down, sensing alessia was in some distress. alessia took off without a second glance, trying her best to calm her shaking hands. this was fine. she just had to kindly explain, and then beg for you to help. maybe even offer you a hefty bribe or something, and just pray you didn't bite her head off.

alessia was so lost in her head as she marched towards the gym that she didn't notice you waiting for her in the corridor. she wasn't proud of the surprised yelp she let out when you grabbed her hand and pulled her, rather unceremoniously, into a storage cupboard.

"why have i just had someone tell me we're dating?"

fuck, thought alessia. this was not how this conversation was meant to go. she tried to speak, to explain, but, as usual when she was around you, she couldn't seem to get the words out. she blushed, stuttering around excuses.

"hello?" you smirked, clearly amused at alessia's panic. she looked up, meeting those dark eyes to find a hint of laughter. alessia blinked, her breath catching. the amusement in your eyes seemed to fade a little, and if alessia didn't know better, she might have recognised the faint concern laced underneath. "you good?"

"fuck, its my fault - i, i'm so sorry, i-"

"woah, alright, calm down," you reached out a lithe hand, hesitantly placing it on her shoulder.

alessia felt her face heating up, wishing desperately the ground would swallow her whole. it was now or never. she could feel your eyes boring into her, waiting for an explanation. she steeled herself, and let everything fall out in one mortified breath.

"i told my brother i had a girlfriend so he'd get off my back about my date to his wedding, only then he started asking questions so i panicked and said your name," the explanation is rushed, and you have to lean in to decipher exactly what alessia is muttering. she pauses, humiliation halting the next part.

"and then he told ella, who told everyone, so now the whole team thinks we're together, and also my family are expecting me to bring you to the wedding on sunday," her voice trails off.

you let out a laugh, a little taken aback by the comedy of the whole situation. alessia looked down at her feet, playing with the fingers nervously. you could feel the embarrassment practically radiating form her in waves. you felt a little bad. alessia stood in front of you, clearly stressed about this wedding for some reason, so much so she's caught herself up in a lie. a lie involving you, no less, who she seemed to hate, for some reason unbeknownst to you.

fuck it, you thought. you shrugged a little.

"alright," you said simply. alessia snapped her head up so fast you were surprised she didn't get whiplash.

"what?"

"alright. i'll help you out,"

"you- you'll what?"

"i'll help," you shrugged again, keeping your replies deliberately blasé, just to make alessia squirm a little. she was surprisingly easy to stress out, and it was fairly entertaining. "i don't have plans on sunday anyway,"

"you'll come to the wedding?" you nodded, "as my date?" you nodded again. alessia sounded confused, and a little sceptical. she was wary, you realised, expecting a trap, or some sort of condition. "seriously? i'll do anything you want,"

you smirked a little at the tail end of her statement. you were telling the truth; you were free on sunday, and honestly you'd been looking for a chance to break through to alessia for a while now, since she seemed to want absolutely nothing to do with you. you honestly would've done it just to be nice, but her words gave you an idea.

"anything i want?" you could tell alessia instantly regretted saying that. you'd caught her in a very desperate position. she nodded hesitantly. "okay, two conditions," alessia's eyes snapped back to yours, immediately on edge, "one, you give me some shooting practice," alessia interrupted you.

"what?"

"you heard me." you said simply, shrugging again, "i need to work on my shooting, you're our best striker. i want you to help me,"

it was true. you'd admired alessia as a player for a while now, and had hoped that coming to manchester would allow you to learn from her. you were an excellent midfielder, known for your creative play and chance creation, but despite all your ball control and technical skills, you had only scored a handful of times in your career.

despite your hopes however, alessia had never really let you in. while you made fast friends with everyone else, she had clammed up whenever you tried to talk to her. a few times she'd initiated conversation, and as soon as you'd give her a trademark witty comment back, she'd end the interaction, leaving you wondering what the hell you'd done to offend her. it'd been a disappointment, but you'd gotten over it, settling in with the rest of the team and ignoring alessia's subtle glares in your direction. now however, it was you in a position of leverage. maybe you could get something out of this too.

"okay, sure," she nodded, "what's the second thing?"

"stop acting so weird around me,"

alessia spluttered. her earlier embarrassment paved way for only pure indignation.

"i act weird? the fuck does that mean? you're the one who's always either brushing me off, or being a dick whenever i try and speak to you!"

"when have i ever brushed you off? i try to talk to you and you just forget how to speak or something, and then you walk off with a stick up your arse," you smirked, watching as alessia got increasingly frustrated.

"yeah, because you say stuff that doesn't make any sense, like how am i meant to respond to half the shit you say? or you say stuff just to piss me off! that's a pretty clear sign that someone doesn't like you, y/n!"

"i've never once acted like i didn't like you - it's called making a joke, alessia," you said, purposefully emphasising her name, "no one else has a problem with it, i'm just trying to make conversation with you,"

"why do you have to be so frustrating? it's like you have to win every conversation!" alessia cried indignantly. you took a small step forward, meeting her eyes with yours. alessia unconsciously stepped back, but she was already pressed up against the shelves of the small storage cupboard.

"maybe you're just very easy to frustrate, alessia," you said softly, lowering your voice, "maybe you should work on that,"

alessia had no response, only clenching her jaw and rolling her eyes. you stepped back, noticing how her shoulders dropped ever so slightly. you placed a hand on the handle to leave, but before you opened it, you turned back to alessia, meeting her eyes with a smirk.

"send me your address - i'm coming over later," when alessia opened her mouth to protest, you cut her off, "unless you don't want my help after all?" you raised a single eyebrow and alessia sighed.

"yeah, okay. fine,"

"bye," you turned and stalked out the cupboard, stopping at the door once more to look alessia dead in the eye, shit-eating grin plastered on your face, "babe,"

----

"so what exactly was your plan if i didn't say yes?"

"well technically i never asked for your help," alessia grumbled.

"you would've. i was just putting you out of your misery by offering first,"

"you don't know that. anyway, my plan was to maybe run away to mexico,"

"maybe you'd meet a date there,"

alessia huffed from her position on her sofa. god you were infuriating. it had only been a few hours of this charade, and you were already getting under her skin. alessia was starting to think that public humiliation courtesy of her brothers would have been the better option.

"at least then i wouldn't have to deal with you," alessia mumbled.

"oh but you were just starting to like me! look, you're using full sentences when you speak to me and everything!"

"get fucked," alessia said. you were right; at least now she was capable of holding a conversation with you. unfortunately, this graduation meant alessia now had to deal with a lot more of your infuriating personality.

you'd shown up at her flat almost immediately after training, leaving alessia to scramble to try and make the place presentable. now here you were, reclining lazily in her living room, an invasive species taking root in her safe space, and giving very unhelpful suggestions about how to fake a relationship.

"i'm thinking we say you fell madly in love with me at first sight and then-"

"we don't need to say anything!"

"no one is going to believe we're together if we don't even have a backstory, alessia!" you were enjoying this far too much, she could tell. "that might work for your uncles or something, but if you think the girls won't want every juicy detail you are sorely mistaken,"

alessia buried her face in her hands, not for the first time that evening. she felt the familiar rising of panic in her chest, tried to drown out your constant talking, and calm down. this was becoming way too much.

"what the fuck am i doing?" she muttered, squeezing her eyes shut. you paused, and alessia braced herself for another round of teasing from you.

instead, she jumped when she felt your hand on her shoulder. your touch was firm, but grounding, and not at all what alessia had been expecting.

"you alright?"

alessia shook her head, trying to control her breathing and prevent the oncoming spiral. she felt you move to sit next to her, jolting a little as she felt the brush of your thigh against hers. it suddenly occurred to her that she hadn't been this close to, well, anyone, in a very long time. she didn't dare look up.

"this was so stupid, i never should have gotten you involved," her voice was small, embarrassed, "i'm sorry, you don't have to stay,"

"can i ask you something?," you said, and alessia nodded hesitantly.

"why do you care so much? why lie at all?"

alessia sighed. normally, she would have her guard straight back up, but she'd done an awful lot of lying recently, and she was getting very tired.

"i just- i like being single, i honestly do, but, i'm just sick of people going on about it. every single time, its all 'when are you getting a boyfriend, alessia' or 'less, let me set you up with my friend'. it's my mum giving me these pitying looks when my brothers are with their girlfriends and i'm on my own, again,"

she was rambling now, gesticulating wildly as everything that had been building up inside her came out in a rant of emotion. you placed your hand gently on her thigh, and alessia jumped, but continued on, "it's my brothers constantly taking the piss, like they can't believe i could ever find someone. you should have heard how shocked luca was when i said i was seeing someone! and i'm fine on my own, really i am, but when i hear that, it just pisses me off and so i just said it to prove him wrong. even though he isn't wrong, at all,"

alessia stopped, breathing a little hard. she felt a tear prick at the corner of her eye, and willed herself to calm down. she'd already said far too much to you, didn't want to give you any more ammunition than she already had. she winced in anticipation of your teasing remarks, but none came.

"that makes sense. that would get to me too," you didn't move your hand. alessia shook her head.

"i'm sorry for dragging you into this, we should just forget this ever happened,"

"if you really want me to go, i will," you said, "but i want to help,"

"i can't ask you to do this, it's so dumb,"

"you didn't ask remember? i offered," you nudged her shoulder, and she let out a choked laugh despite herself.

"come on," you nudged her again, "i'm not really that bad, am i?,"

alessia shook her head, her gaze fixed on where your hand still rested on her thigh, your fingers absentmindedly stroking her leg. begrudgingly, she had to agree. maybe she'd underestimated you.

"okay," she nodded, finally looking up at you, "let's fake date,"

you smiled, and moved away slightly. alessia felt an unfamiliar twinge at the loss of contact.

"by the way, you're going to have to stop blushing every time i touch you,"

alessia almost choked, her face heating up even more, "i'm not!"

you just shrugged, that familiar teasing smirk returning.

"whatever you say, babygirl,"

alessia just rolled her eyes.

"okay, so what's the plan?" you said, making your way over to the kitchen. you began to root through alessia's cupboards, "why have you not got any real food in here?"

"i have real food-"

"no, this is just like, oats and stuff,"

"it's ingredients. stop going through my cupboards,"

"fine, i'll order food. what do you want?"

alessia just stared at you, utterly baffled. why you were acting as though this was a perfectly normal occurrence, for you to be stood in her kitchen as though it was your own, for you to be ordering her dinner, she had no clue. you stared back, clearly waiting for an answer.

"um, whatever you like," alessia gave in, still looking at you incredulously. you just hummed, and reached in her cupboard for a glass. alessia could only wonder how you even knew where the glasses were.

---

you'd agreed that the best course of action would be to take it slow, ease people into the idea of your relationship. admittedly, no one had ever seen you interact at training, so they were unlikely to believe a sudden 180 in behaviour. the both of you were fairly private people, so it wasn't like the others would be expecting you to launch out the pda immediately. a few gentle touches here and there, a couple whispered conversations, that was all you needed.

alessia didn't walk out to training with you, but the two of you made sure to stand next to each other where possible. you placed a hand on the small of her back when you saw ella eyeing the two of you suspiciously, only removing it when you saw her start whispering to millie. job done.

while you seemed to be playing your part with ease, alessia thrummed with nerves. she flinched when she felt you touch her back, and she swallowed at the spike of electricity it sent down her spine. alessia waited for you to remove it, but you only let it rest there. she breathed into the touch, relaxing enough to remember the plan. she gave you a performative smile, trying to school her features into those of a loving girlfriend, and you grinned.

“try it without looking like you’re in pain next time,” you whispered with a smirk, before running off to receive the ball. alessia stared after you, clenching her jaw in annoyance. this was going to be a long few days.

alessia turned her attention back to the drill, managing a successful twenty minutes without any you-shaped irritation. then the coaches called for you to partner up, and her luck ran out. she sighed as you came bounding over to her, grinning ear to ear like a love-sick puppy.

the two of you queued up, listening intently to the instructions. or rather, you listened. alessia could only focus on your hand, which had snaked its way around her waist and was tracing light shapes into her hipbone.

she was brought back to earth by the shout of her name. you laughed and nudged her,

“it’s your turn,” you smirked. alessia swallowed, realising she had no clue what she was meant to be doing.

“alessia! were you not paying attention?” the coach yelled from the sidelines. ella chose that moment to chime in.

“she was paying attention to someone else coach!”

millie wolf-whistled in response. alessia buried her head in her hands, feeling her face heat up. sensing her panic, you quickly pointed out what she was meant to be doing. alessia muttered a quick apology, running to take her turn.

she rounded on you as soon as training finished.

“what the fuck was that?”

“i should be asking you that!” you laughed. “careful alessia, anyone would think you were actually into me,”

the icy glare she sent your way could’ve frozen fire, but you just smirked.

“it’s not funny, you fucked up my whole training session,”

“i’m sorry! i didn’t realise little old me would distract you so much,”

“just don’t pull that shit tomorrow, alright?” alessia borderline spat, before turning on her heel and stalking away. you chased her down with a shout.

“hey, where are you going? you said you’d help with the shooting!”

fuck, you’d had alessia so riled up, she had entirely forgotten. she knew she needed to keep her promise, or risk losing your help, but the thought of spending another moment in your vicinity drove her insane. she needed to go home and calm down.

“after that stunt you pulled? we'll see about it tomorrow, alright?”

you thought about arguing, but seeing how hot and bothered alessia was, you decided not to risk annoying her anymore. you honestly didn’t know what her problem was - she’d asked for your help, hadn’t she? you nodded begrudgingly, watching after her as she walked to her car.

clearly, alessia was stressed, whether about the wedding or something deeper, you weren’t sure. as much as you enjoyed teasing her, you felt a little guilty about her reaction. you really hadn’t intended to distract her, but you’d seen how some of the girls were shooting sceptical glances at the two of you, and knew you needed to keep alessia’s cover. you resolved to be a little nicer tomorrow, hoping it might make alessia warm up to you somewhat.

back in her flat, alessia stared down at the invitation once again. there was no way all this was worth it, and she ran a hand raggedly down her face.

there was something about you, that was just so infuriating. the more you two were speaking, alessia just found herself increasingly frustrated. she’d previously pinned the emotion down to annoyance and irritation, but the longer it went on, she was starting to feel more flustered than anything. you always seemed to have the upper hand, and alessia was left stuttering to keep up. it was as if her brain just stopped functioning every time you so much as looked at her, or brushed her arm. it was extremely annoying.

alessia allowed herself a few moments to air her grievances, before dragging herself into the shower. she turned the temperature to cool, and tried to forget the sensation of your hand around her waist.

—-

the next day, training ran without a hitch. you made sure to fasten yourself to alessia’s side occasionally, but kept the touches and teasing to a minimum.

expecting a repeat of your antics from the previous day, alessia had showed up to training on edge. it seemed, however, that you were intent on keeping your word. it was an adjustment, getting used to your constant presence, but alessia found that without the constant teasing, she didn't mind too much. eventually, she relaxed into the familiarity of usual training, feeling more herself than she had all week.

without alessia to annoy, you'd turned your attention to light-hearted jokes at the other girls' expense. now that she was out from your spotlight, alessia found herself laughing along with the team. begrudgingly, she could see the funny side. maybe she was starting to see why everyone else liked you.

training finished, and alessia made her way over to where you stood chatting to the others. gaining a bolt of confidence, she snaked her arm around your waist. you jolted a bit at the unexpected contact. ever quick to recover, you flashed her a winning smile. she pressed herself deeper into your side.

"ready to go babe?" you asked, slinging a lazy arm around her shoulders. you didn't want to annoy alessia, not after you'd kept yourself in her good books all day, but you were increasingly aware of everyone else's eyes fastened on the two of you. alessia turned to look at you, all big blue eyes and smiling dimples. you wondered if she'd taken acting lessons since yesterday.

"i thought we could stay for some shooting practice?" she said sweetly. your eyes widened a little, pleasantly surprised she was going to hold up her end of the deal after all. you nodded, losing your words for a second. it was a little hard to think when she was looking at you like that.

"oh, uh, yeah- sounds good,"

alessia waved bye to the others, before she practically sauntered over to the goal. you watched, a little dumbfounded. clearly she was pleased with herself for having caught you off guard. after a beat, you said your goodbyes and jogged to catch her up, chuckling a little.

"so where do we start?"

"well, why don't we just run a few shots and we'll see where we go from there?"

you nodded and turned to grab a ball from the ball bag. it wasn't not unusual for players to stay after training, so most of the equipment had been left out. you glanced up to say something, but found alessia had disappeared.

"wh-?" you cut yourself off with a laugh when you spotted her grappling with a training mannequin on the far side of the field. as you watched her try to drag it over, she somehow managed to rather ungracefully trip over her own feet.

alessia swore, but looked up when she heard your bright laugh.

"oh shut up! just help me put this in the goal," she grumbled. you hoped you hadn't mistaken the hint of a smile in her voice.

"how are you so fucking clumsy?" you teased, lifting up the mannequin with ease. alessia followed as you walked to the goal, choosing not to answer. you placed it down. "here okay?"

alessia stepped back to judge the positioning. you couldn't deny she looked a little cute; hands on hips, head tilted, nose scrunched up in thought. you were broken from your musing as she stepped forward, dragging the mannequin a little to the left.

"hmm, a little more this way,"

"don't fall over it this time,"

"oh fuck off. so annoying," she mumbled, although the smile that appeared on her face betrayed her lack of annoyance. small wins, you thought.

the two of you began taking shots, alessia feeding them in as you whacked them into the net from distance. although you could often find the back of the net, your accuracy wasn't the best. you groaned after you failed to hit the top right for the third time.

"right, okay, i think i know what you're doing wrong," alessia said, as she fished the balls out the net. "you just need to position your body a little differently. here watch me,"

you fed a perfect pass into her - at least you had no problem with assists - and she struck the ball perfectly into the top corner.

"like this?" you said, trying to mimic the way she leant over the ball. alessia frowned.

"hmm, no, like-" she paused, clearly hesitating on her next move. the pause didn't last long though, as she planted her hands on your waist and physically manoeuvred you.

"so you want to move away from the defender like this," she swivelled your hips slightly, "and then, when you hit the ball, you want to sort of do this," she kept one hand on your waist, moving the other to your torso and guiding you through the motion. you tried to take in her words, but you could only focus on her body as it pressed up against yours. you nodded, suddenly a little flustered, but alessia didn't take her hands away.

alessia wasn't really thinking when she decided to touch you, but as she positioned your body, her thoughts drifted. your torso was firm underneath her hand, she noted, and her fingers slotted so neatly into the curve of your waist. her words trailed off, hands lingering a second too long.

alessia jolted as she realised where she was. she let go quickly, a little flustered. god, what was going on with her.

"um, yeah, try that," she said, taking another step back. she felt her face flush, but thankfully, you didn't turn to look at her.

trying to ignore alessia's lingering touch, and its subsequent quick departure, you geared up to take the shot. you tried to mimic what she'd done, and you grinned as the ball found its target.

"yes! that was it!" called alessia from where she stood, "now, let's run about a hundred more,"

when you finally walked off the training pitch together, you were pleasantly surprised by your progress. alessia was a good coach, now that she was actually acknowledging you. you looked over at her as she walked beside you.

the sun was setting by now, casting alessia in a warm orange glow. a piece of her hair had come loose from her braid. you wanted to thank her, but found you didn't want to break the comfortable silence engulfing the two of you.

alessia kept step beside you, contemplating her own sudden change of heart. now that she knew you a little better, the teasing remarks no longer spun her off kilter, and she found she was more amused than annoyed.

"i was thinking maybe i could come over tomorrow after training? to sort out plans for sunday and that?" she asked, turning to look at you.

"yeah sure, what time?" you said absentmindedly, lifting your shirt a little to wipe your face. despite the cool summer evening air, you'd managed to work up a sweat. alessia couldn't help the way her eyes drifted down to your exposed torso. she swallowed.

"alessia?" you prompted, turning to look at her when she didn't answer. she averted her eyes back to your face, before quickly looking away again when she made eye contact.

"oh, um, 7?"

"sounds good, i can make dinner?"

"should i be worried?" alessia smirked, recovering herself a little. jesus, she was all over the place lately. she tried to reassure herself it was just the stress of the impending wedding, pushing down the voice at the back of her head.

"fuck you, i'm a great cook,"

"i'll be the judge of that,"

---

alessia rocked band and forth on her heels as she waited outside your building. she contemplated checking the address yet again, but settled on messaging a simple i'm outside. luckily, it turned out you lived pretty close to her, so she had walked, the weather only a light summer drizzle.

training had run smoothly once again, with the two of you settling into the act comfortably. the nature of your job meant you were at liberty to keep it lowkey and professional, only having to share the occasional sly touch or whispered comment to maintain the facade. some of the others had finally given in to temptation and pressed you both for details. alessia had momentarily faltered, but was saved by you stepping in to proudly regale your concocted story. all she'd had to do was nod and smile in all the right places, content to sit back and eat her lunch while you took the reins. after everyone had left, you'd flashed her a smirk, and whispered "hook, line and sinker". then you'd ruined the moment by mocking her outfit, but she could forgive you for that.

alessia's careful musing on the day was interrupted by you bounding down the staircase. you threw the door open and beckoned her in.

"lift's broken so we have to take the stairs," you said, already making your way up, "try not to fall down them,"

"i'm not that clumsy,"

"could've fooled me," you shrugged.

thankfully alessia managed to keep her footing on all four flights, only nearly dropping her keys once. she hoped you didn't see that.

"okay, so i was thinking, for the wedding, we ne-"

"jesus, straight to the point, huh?"

"well, i was just-"

"you've literally just come through the door, we'll talk about it over tea,"

"stop interrupting me," alessia huffed, placing her bag down on the coffee table, "but fine,"

you made your way back to the kitchen area, and alessia took the chance to take in your open-plan flat. it was nice, she conceded, spacious but homely, decorated eclectically but well. she wasn't sure why she was shocked, as though she'd been expecting you to live in a cave or something.

she turned to join you in the kitchen, where you seemed to be plating up dinner already. alessia offered to help, but you waved her off, telling her to sit down.

"i didn't know you could cook," alessia said as the two of you ate. you hummed, shrugging slightly.

"you don't really know anything about me," you replied simply. for the first time, alessia felt a pang of guilt at not giving you a chance sooner. it was true - she could tell you any number of facts about the rest of the team, but she wouldn't even know where to start with you.

"well no but, i can learn," she said. you looked a little shocked by her words. alessia felt another stab of guilt.

"so, the wedding?" you prompted, eager to change the subject, "what's the plan?"

alessia began to run you through the itinerary, rambling a little. in her stress over the whole thing, she had managed to commit every little detail to memory. she wanted the day to run pefect for luca and his fiancee of course, but she also now had to contemplate bringing you into the midst.

"to be honest, you don't have to come to the ceremony if you don't want to," she added, noticing your wide eyes as you tried to take it all in.

"well, are your family expecting me to be there?"

"um, well yeah, but-" alessia trailed off. her earlier guilt at not being close to you had now morphed into an all encompassing guilt for dragging you into this whole thing.

"do you want me to be there?"

alessia faltered. despite all her planning, she hadn't really considered that. if you'd asked her at the start of the week, it would have been a resounding no, but as she mulled it over, she found that, actually, just maybe, she potentially did.

"um, yeah, i think i do actually,"

"cool, then i'll be there," you shrugged, and alessia nodded.

"so, i'm meant to be getting ready with my mum, but then we can pick you up on the way to the church?"

"i can meet you there if that's easier? less hassle for you guys, plus it might save us any awkward questions from your mum?"

"i mean, its a good idea, but to be honest i think you'll get questions no matter what. it's not a problem - you're on our way anyway," alessia said, and you nodded.

it was a nice change, seeing you like this. the way you seemed genuinely eager to help, making thoughtful suggestions rather than immature ones. the two of you sat at the table long after you'd finished eating, discussing the plan and making sure your story was airtight.

"personally i still think we should tell everyone you pined after me for months," just like that, your teasing suggestions were back, but alessia no longer found herself bothered by them.

"we're absolutely not saying that,"

"oh come on, you know you're obsessed with me,"

"so obsessed it hurts," alessia mimed an arrow to the chest, and you grinned. she felt a small sense of pride at making you laugh. it was a little unnerving. she turned her attention to more pressing matters.

"you do have something to wear right? i can lend you a dress,"

"a dress? absolutely not," you smirked, "don't worry, i've got it covered - what colour is yours?"

"why?"

"so we don't clash, duh,"

"oh," alessia still felt wary, "its like a navy blue, here i'll show you," she pulled out her phone to find the dress. you gave an appreciative look.

"yeah, i've got a suit that will go well with that,"

"i feel like you're going to show up in something stupid - should i be worried? i am worried,"

you stood up to clear the plates, whacking her shoulder playfully.

"do you need to be going?" you asked over your shoulder as you washed up, "i know it's a late kick off tomorrow, but don't feel obliged to stay if you want to get home,"

in all honesty, alessia didn't want to go just yet. she wasn't too worried about the match, it being an evening home game they were tipped to win, and she still wanted to iron out a few more things for sunday. besides, it was nice to not spend yet another evening alone in her flat.

"i don't, unless you want me to go?" the hesitance that crept into her tone was unbidden.

"nah i'm good. stay," you walked to the fridge and pulled it open, searching for something, "normally i'd offer you wine, but maybe not the best idea before a match," you held out a can of pepsi triumphantly, before collapsing onto the sofa beside alessia.

"only the best for my fake girlfriend,"

alessia took it gratefully, then realised she didn't quite know what to do with herself with you sat in such close proximity. she adjusted her position awkwardly, but it was only a small sofa.

"so, tell me about your family," you said as you switched the tv on, "any weird uncles i need to avoid?"

alessia laughed and began to give you a rundown on all the people you would need to know. she found herself relaxing as she spoke, her earlier awkwardness dissipating. you listened intently. your eyes didn't leave her face as she talked, but alessia didn't notice.

the topic soon moved with ease towards your own family, then you in general, and alessia sank into the comfortable flow of conversation. the two of you chatted for hours before alessia realised the time.

"oh shit, it's pretty late, i should probably be going,"

you yawned and nodded, "oh damn yeah, who knew you could talk so much?" alessia blushed, and began to mutter an apology, but you cut her off, "its cool, makes a nice change," you winked, "you could stay, if you like? it's chucking it down out there, plus it's dark, and you shouldn't walk back alone,"

alessia could get an uber - she had planned to get an uber. logically she should go home, make sure she got a good night's sleep before the game. despite this, she hesistated.

"is that alright?" she asked. you nodded.

"yeah of course, as long as you don't mind sharing the bed. i can drive you back in the morning before the match," you walked off, going to get her some clothes to sleep in, and alessia followed.

you fell asleep pretty much straight away, but alessia found herself unable to do the same. she stared at the ceiling, listening to your even breaths and trying to ignore the way your legs brushed up against hers.

she wasn't sure why she agreed to stay, to sleep in a bed with you no less, but, alessia realised, something had changed this week. she enjoyed your company, enjoyed you. she'd even maybe go as far as calling you a friend. for the first time, alessia found herself wondering what would happen after the wedding. she'd been so focused on keeping up the lie, she hadn't even considered it. the two of you had planned to keep up the lie a little longer, then stage a mutual and unexplosive breakup, but now, alessia wondered if you'd even remain close. what if your actions towards her were simply another part of the act, and once you got your shooting practice in return, would it go back to the way it was? alessia realised, with a very strong conviction, that she didn't want that at all.

---

alessia woke before you the next morning. the rain had cleared up, and the sun cast soft rays through your thin curtains. at some point in the night the two of you had shifted to face each other. alessia realised her arm was hanging loosely over your waist, and she pulled it back quickly.

she wasn't sure how long she'd laid there last night, thoughts racing as sleep evaded her. she lay there now, remarking on how much softer your features looked in sleep. your hair hung loosely over your eyes, and alessia had a sudden urge to brush it aside.

the thought registered with a jolt, and alessia extricated herself from the bed as quickly as possible. she tried to push down the feeling in her chest, point-blank refusing to acknowledge it.

this was bad - what was she doing? she couldn't be thinking like this. she needed to go. getting dressed quickly, alessia collected her things and slipped out of your building without a second thought. it was only when she was halfway down the street that the guilt settled in- she should have left a note or something. alessia settled for a text.

left to get ready for the game - thanks so much for letting me stay, see you later x

---

alessia was already there when you showed up at the stadium for the game. you gave her a wave, then moved to sit by your things. waking up alone had stung a little, and you wondered if you'd done something wrong. you'd thought the two of you had maybe crossed a bridge this week - that maybe you were actual friends now, rather than just accomplices caught up in the same lie. maybe you'd been wrong.

it shouldn't have surprised you. you knew alessia hadn't liked you before, although you were still clueless as to why, and maybe it was naïve to think that could've changed.

of course, the text she'd sent hadn't indicated any problem, it was an entirely reasonable thing to do, and she'd seemed perfectly comfortable in your company last night, but still, a girl leaving your bed at the crack of dawn was never a good sign. you knew with some certainty that, after all this was done, you didn't want to go back to how things were, but you had no clue if alessia felt the same. this could have just been all part of the lie for her.

that didn't matter now though, you had to focus on the game.

---

the first half was electric. alessia played well, if she did say so herself, and in all honesty, it was down to you. while before you'd had great link-up play as an attacking duo, now, the two of you were dynamite. you each ran circles around the defence, anticipating the other's moves with ease. so naturally, when alessia volleyed the ball into the back of the net, it was from a cross you'd rocketed into the box.

she ran to hug you, and you did the same, jumping into her arms and wrapping your legs around her waist. alessia had been wondering if she'd upset you by leaving early, and trying very hard not to think about certain other things, but that was long forgotten. she simply let herself breathe you in, holding you tight as she spun you around.

the game continued much in a similar way, the two of you cleaving through defenders like water. you were 3-0 up at 80 minutes, and still you pressed for more.

alessia took on a defender with ease, pressing into space. she could've attempted the shot herself, but she saw your run into the box. she passed the ball to you, and watched as you put into practice exactly what she'd showed you.

it was a perfect strike. you pumped your fists and made a beeline for alessia, squeezing her tight.

"fuck yes! that was all you lessi, all you," you yelled into her ear. alessia's eyes shone with pride, but the warm feeling that engulfed her was far, far more than that. suddenly, alessia couldn't breathe, her heart beating far more erratically than it should've been. she buried her face in your neck and held you tight. oh this was bad. this was so, so bad. if alessia thought the situation was complicated before, she'd definitely made it a whole lot worse now.

she let go, clapping you on the shoulder as she beamed, choking down the pounding in her chest.

"no y/n, all you,"

---

you were still riding the high of the win, and the goal, as you got yourself ready for the wedding the next day. you'd gone home feeling much better than you had before; alessia's reactions on the pitch seemed to confirm to you that there was no bad blood between the two of you. your heart fluttered slightly at the memory of how she'd looked at you - all beaming smiles and bright eyes.

a knock on your door shook you out of your reverie, and you tried to forget the memory. you couldn't be thinking like that. she was a friend - and just barely. you smoothed down your suit and pulled the door open.

"hey- oh. wow, you look-" alessia stumbled over her words as she took you in.

"told you i had it covered," you grinned, posing a little, "you scrub up alright yourself," you couldn't deny she looked absolutely stunning - it was taking every ounce of your effort not to stare, to keep your breathing relatively normal as you took her in.

"right- um yeah- are you ready to go?"

you nodded and followed her out, steeling your nerves to meet alessia's mum. you ran over the story once again in your mind, and from alessia's expression, you imagined she was doing the same. you reached out to grab her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"calm down, you're breathing like you've just ran a marathon," you muttered as you approached the taxi.

"ah, wow, thats such a helpful thing to say, thank you," alessia's voice dripped with sarcasm, and she didn't even look at you.

"we've got this okay? i'm great at lying," she nodded, but you could still see the tension practically radiating off her shoulders.

"i'm not," she mumbled.

"hey, it'll be fine, i promise. just let me know if you need anything - i just want you to enjoy your brother's wedding, alright?"

alessia nodded again, before you reached the car. you waved through the window at her mum, before sliding into the back of the taxi with alessia.

"mum, this is y/n, my girlfriend," alessia spoke confidently, but you'd spent enough time with her this week to hear the faint waver in her voice. you put on your best meet-the-parents voice as you chimed in - you had promised alessia you'd be on your best behaviour today.

"hi, it's so great to finally meet you! alessia's told me so much about you,"

"you too, sweetheart! we're so glad she's finally found someone to look after her," her mum replied, turning from the passenger seat to smile at you. you could see where alessia got it from.

"well, i do my best," you smile back, "she deserves it,"

alessia groaned next to you, face a little flushed.

"mum..."

"well it's true, honey! you know we worry about you getting lonely up here on your own," you were tempted to slide alessia a teasing smirk at that, but thought better of it. god knows she didn't need you adding to the stress.

"yeah, alright, alright," alessia mumbled, still firmly averting her eyes from yours, "how's luca doing?"

"he's doing well, he's with gio and your dad at the church now,"

alessia nodded and smiled, taking a deep breath in. in a brief moment of daring, you reached for her hand and squeezed. she squeezed back with a small smile. the car fell into a comfortable silence, and you turned to look at the window, watching the cars pass by, and trying to ignore the fluttering in your chest.

with alessia being the sister of the groom, she was swept up into wedding business as soon as you entered the church. you'd agreed it would be best to save the introductions for the reception, so you slid into a pew a few rows behind and watched on as alessia greeted her family. you smirked a little as you watched alessia's mum point you out to her brothers, who clapped alessia on the back in apparent congratulations. you sent them a little wave, then for good measure, blew alessia a kiss. she sent you a death glare in return.

the ceremony was beautiful, even as a total stranger. your eyes kept drifitng back to alessia, watching as she beamed with pride, tears shining in her eyes. it warmed your heart to see her like this; you knew she was close with her family, but it was nice to witness it in full. she caught your eye in the crowd, soft smile growing when you grinned back at her.

alessia beckoned you over to her side as the crowd gathered to watch luca and his wife leave the church in the wedding car. you slung an arm around her shoulders and she leaned into you.

"happy?"

"very," she nodded, "thank you for coming,"

"anytime,"

you were interrupted by gio clapping both of you on the back.

"not going to introduce me less?" he grinned. alessia rolled her eyes.

"gio this is y/n. y/n, gio," you stuck out a hand, and he shook it before pulling you in for a hug.

"pleasure to meet you, y/n," he grinned, before turning to alessia, "where've you been hiding this one, lessi? took you long enough,"

"fuck off gio,"

"i'm joking, i'm really happy for you," he turned back to you, face suddenly serious, "if you hurt my baby sister i will kill you, understood?"

"loud and clear," you grinned, and he laughed.

"yeah, i like her less, good job," gio walked off, presumably to greet someone else, and you turned to alessia.

"that went well,"

"shut up please,"

alessia was dragged off for photos pretty soon after, so you spent your time milling around the reception area, and taking advantage of cocktail hour. you had a few run-ins with some cousins and family friends, word apparently having travelled fast, but you put on your best loved-up smile, and spent about an hour gushing about alessia. you tried not to think about how easy it was.

alessia returned after a while, making a beeline for you. or rather, for the drink you held in your hand, which she took without a word and downed rather hastily.

"having fun?"

"all anyone wants to talk to me about is you," she muttered, "even luca! you'd think it was our fucking wedding, not his! i need another drink,"

"on it," you said, walking to the bar with a small laugh. you returned with two cocktails, placing one into alessia's hand. she smiled in thanks.

"just one evening, less, you got this," she nodded, already halfway through her cocktail.

"oh there she is- alessia!" alessia groaned as she heard her mum's voice.

"god, here we go," she grumbled, before plastering a smile to her face and turning around. you waved as her parents approached, swiftly followed by luca and his wife.

"this is y/n," alessia said. you shook her dad's hand, greeting him with a smile.

"it's great to meet you," you turned to luca, "and congratulations! its a beautiful wedding, thank you so much for having me here,"

"yeah thank you," he beamed, clearly caught up in wedding ecstasy, "and of course! you're part of the family too now," you nodded, a small pang of guilt at your lies hitting you squarely in the chest, "plus, as if we were going to let less get away with not bringing you,"

"luca-" alessia attempted, but he waved her off.

"she never brings anyone to anything, honestly i don't even know if she's ever dated anyone seriously, we were all so relieved when she said she was finally bringing a date,"

you didn't miss the way alessia's fingers tightened around her glass, or the way her jaw muscles clenched.

"i mean, seriously, we were starting to get like, worried, you know? like we get you're busy with football less, but come on!"

you were concerned alessia was going to break the glass if she gripped it any tighter. you snaked an arm around her waist, rubbing your thumb slightly over her hipbone.

"well, nothing to worry about anymore," you joked good-naturedly, "i'm just lucky she got there in the end," you flashed her a smile, and her eyes betrayed her thanks. she relaxed into you a little, nodding.

"i'm glad, treat her right, yeah?" luca said, and you nodded. you were getting used to these shovel talks by now, "anyway, you guys should probably get in your seats- speeches soon!" he turned with a wave.

being alessia's date, you of course found yourself on the family table, nestled between your fake girlfriend and her brother. luckily, the attention of the group had finally switched back to the wedding at hand, and you gave yourself a moment to relax. all this lying, this play-acting at being alessia's girl, hadn't felt too difficult in the moment, but now that you weren't under the scrutiny of prying eyes, you realised how much it had taken out of you. you tried to focus on the speeches, taking the moment to collect yourself.

try as you might though, your attention never drifted too far from alessia. you snuck a sideways glance at her, watching as she listened intently. her eyes shone with tears as her dad spoke, and so, emboldened by the copious amount of champagne, you placed a hand gently on her thigh. her eyes never moved from her dad, but her hand moved to rest on top of yours. you felt a little giddy at the intimacy of it all, her fingers tracing a pattern against yours. you told yourself it was just the alcohol making you feel this way, but this small private gesture implied otherwise. it wasn't like anyone could see - there was no one to keep up the pretence for.

gio swept you up into conversation pretty quickly once the speeches ended and the food arrived, seeming genuinely interested in you and your life. his plus one, his girlfriend of a few years, joined in, and you spent most of the meal chatting to the two of them. alessia was uncharacteristically quiet, sharing only the occasional exchange with her parents. you longed to know what was going through her mind, but despite the charade, you knew it wasn't the time to ask. it probably wasn't even for you to ask at all. all you could do was watch as she subdued herself, only moving to refill her champagne yet again.

by the time the first dance was done, and the party began in full, you were already feeling the effects of the alcohol. from her more relaxed manner, you guessed alessia was too. the two of you had been left alone at your table, and you took the opportunity to check in with her.

"you good?" there was nobody in your close vicinity, with everyone dispersing onto the dance floor, but you kept your voice low regardless.

alessia nodded and hummed, closing her eyes a little.

"are you pissed?" you laughed. she snapped her eyes open at that, looking at you indignantly.

"no, are you?" you chose to ignore her defensive tone, instead slipping into a wide laugh.

"yep, hammered,"

that got a laugh out of alessia, and she smirked.

"yeah, me too- let's go dance,"

you nodded and let her pull you towards the throng of people. the two of you danced for a while, just enjoying the atmosphere. alessia's parents soon materialised, the two of them grinning from ear to ear. you laughed as alessia's dad brought out the full set of dance moves, glad that alessia seemed to have eased up as well. it didn't last long however, as the four of you soon sank into chairs and began to chat.

"we're thrilled you're here y/n," alessia's dad began, his wife tucked under his arm. you could see why alessia had high standards for relationships. "lessi's always so busy, we never get to see her relaxed like this,"

you almost choked on your drink. you were pretty sure alessia had never been less relaxed in her life.

"i'm sure you'll look after her, we've been waiting for her to find someone who makes her this happy," alessia sipped at her own drink, not even looking up.

"all our children finally growing up and starting their own families, it makes us so happy," her mum nodded, chiming in. at the mention of a family, alessia finished her glass, and turned to you. it only took one look to see the frustration in her eyes. you went to say something, but were cut off by the arrival of a group of people you hadn't met.

"oh my god, hi! you're alessia's girlfriend right? i'm her cousin, everyone's been talking about how she finally brought a date, we had to come meet you! took her long enough!"

you nodded and introduced yourself, shifting your chair a fraction closer to alessia. before you could say anymore, however, alessia cut you off.

"y/n, could you go get me another drink?" you hesitated - the last thing you wanted to do was leave alessia alone in the lion's den. the desperate glint in her eye, the slight quiver in her lip, told you exactly how you she was feeling though, so you nodded and stood, waving a quick goodbye to what now seemed to be the entire russo family.

standing at the bar, you kept your gaze on alessia, who now appeared to be being bombarded by questions. you tapped your fingers impatiently on the counter, eager to get back to her and mitigate the damage. it was becoming increasingly apparent that, although she may have avoided the questions of why she was alone, your presence here had just opened up a whole new can of worms. lost in your thoughts, you didn't notice the girl who sidled up next to you until she spoke.

"bride or groom?"

you turned to her, a little taken aback. your identity as alessia's girlfriend had mostly preceded introductions up until now.

"oh, uh, groom,"

"that explains why i didn't recognise you - i'm the bride's sister,"

"oh cool," you smiled politely. the girl's suggestive tone gave you a clear indication of her intentions. normally, you would have flirted back- you couldn't deny she was attractive - but you only wanted to get back to alessia. you glanced back over to the table, but her chair was now empty.

the bartender placed your drinks in front of you, and you took them quickly.

"uh, sorry, i should get back, but nice to meet you," you muttered, before practically jogging back.

"where did less go?" you said, putting the drinks down, and turning to her mum with a smile that you hoped didn't betray your concern.

"oh just to the bathroom love," she replied. you nodded. it was probably nothing, but you had a strong urge to go and check on her.

"oh, i might go as well, could you watch our drinks?" you barely gave her time to answer before you dodged your way through the crowd.

"alessia? you in here?" there was no reply. a quick check determined all the cubicles were empty, save for one very drunk bridesmaid who you had to practically extract yourself from.

you came back out, racking your brain for where she could have gone. catching sight of a door slightly ajar, you stepped outside.

"hey," you began hesitantly. alessia sat with her head in her hands, her breathing shallow. she didn't look up. "you okay?"

you contemplated sitting down on the bench next to her, but the moment felt suddenly very private. it was quite possible that you were the last person she wanted to be around.

alessia mumbled something, but her voice was too muffled to understand. you stepped a little closer.

"what was that?" you kept your voice low and your movements cautious, as though she were an animal you didn't want to spook. she looked up, and your heart broke a little as you took in her red eyes and tear-tracked cheeks.

"why do you care? you're not actually my girlfriend," her voice was tired, resigned almost.

you couldn't deny it stung a little, but you weren't going to let that deter you. you weren't leaving her like this.

"well no, but i'm your friend," at your own words you faltered a little -were you? you knew how your position on the matter had switched from before, but you still held some doubt that she had ever changed her mind about you. your voice was hesitant as you spoke again, "are we not friends, alessia?"

"we are but," she sniffled and shook her head "it's none of your business,"

"i respect that, and if you want me to go i will, but you're upset, and i care about you, and i want to help. i want it to be my business less,"

she looked up at you, properly this time, before burying her head in her hands again.

"it's just- too much," she whispered, a small sob escaping her. you rushed to sit next to her, placing an arm around her shoulders immediately.

"what is?"

"all of it," she exhaled, finally letting the dam break and her words spill out, "i thought you being here would help, that they would finally get off my back, but now they've all just made it even more clear that they were just waiting for me to find someone, yet they're all so shocked that i finally have, like, did they all just think i was fucking lonely and desperate this whole time?"

she paused to take a shaky breath.

"and i was happy on my own, i really was, but they say shit like that and suddenly i'm an insecure teenager all over again- like if my own family expect me to be alone then surely i'm not good enough for anyone to want me, and i didn't know what to say, or do, and i just feel really, really shitty, you know?"

you nodded, stroking her back as encouragement to continue.

"and they all just started bombarding me, and i didn't know what to say without you there, and i just-" she swiped furiously at her face. "and then i wanted to go find you, but that girl was flirting with you, and then i just felt so guilty for dragging you here when you could be out with other girls who aren't a fucking mess like i am, and now you're being so nice and tolerating me when i'm drunk and crying, when i'm literally not your problem and i just-"

"less, you don't get it - i want to be here. i want to tolerate drunk you. i want you to be my problem,"

alessia shook her head frantically, tears still flowing as she continued her rant.

"i'm just so sorry - i've been so stressed all day, everyone has been all over me and i should've been thinking about the wedding, but all i can think about is you, because i know you were faking it today but i just couldn't stop wishing you weren't, and i-"

she stopped suddenly, realising what she'd confessed. you tried to look at her, but she kept her eyes glued to the floor. your heart pounded as you deciphered her words, unsure if you'd mistaken their meaning. you bit your lip, wanting so desperately to say the words that, you realised with some certainty, had been begging to be let out for a while. fuck it.

"i haven't been able to keep my eyes off you all day, alessia," you murmured. she risked a hesitant look up at you. nothing in her expression told you to stop, so you kept talking.

"i know you're happy on your own. i know you don't need anyone to 'complete you' or any of that other cliché crap. and i don't either. but i've got to see the complete you this week, and she's amazing. i haven't faked a second of today. and if i'm barking up the wrong tree here you can tell me to fuck off - you can go back to hating me like before and i won't say another word, but alessia, i don't want to just be your fake girlfriend anymore, i want the real thing,"

alessia smiled, and your breath caught at the sight. your hands shook as you awaited her reaction.

alessia leaned forward, inching closer to press her forehead against yours. her hand found your cheek, her touch as soft as satin. her breath ghosted against your lips as she spoke.

"so do i,"

you closed the gap. her lips were softer than you could've anticipated. they pressed into yours, slowly at first, then with a deep urgency. the kiss was messy; tear-stained and drunken, but the feel was electric. the dam broke on all the tension that had built between the two of you, and every ounce flooded out as pure desire. you wanted her, needed her, with a desperation you hadn't realised you could possess. your bodies curved into each other; the aftermath of every faked smile, every pretend touch, culminating in the most real feeling you'd ever had.

you broke away at some point, hazy and grinning. alessia's breathing was heavy, her eyes shining.

"we should go back. you probably shouldn't miss your brother's wedding,"

"right, yeah, of course," she smiled, wiping at her cheeks to try and fix the tear-stains as she stood. you reached out to help, then pulled back to take her in. you smirked.

"were you jealous of that girl?"

she smacked your shoulder, but there was no bite in it. she leant in for another kiss.

"so fucking annoying," she muttered, smiling widely against your lips.

me saying i'm writing a short fic then posting the shittiest fucking slowburn you've ever read.

anyway, hope you enjoyed! love, hedge xx

[dumblilb]

I’m Losing It Lately ˚⋆୨୧⋆ ˚

Ellie Williams x Fem!Reader

(Synopsis: Ellie thinks you’re the prettiest girl she’s ever seen. And that terrifies her. So when you hint at liking her back she can’t help but think the worst. Inspired by the song Lacy by Olivia Rodrigo. )

(Warnings: Loser!Ellie, a coming out scene, mentions of anxiety, making out, angst, fluff, lesbians 🤯 )

(Words: 2037)

Ellie has know you for years. You have been one of her best friends since she moved to Jackson. So it was exciting when you were paired as roommates once you both headed off to college. That was till recently.

Ellie had been feeling uneasy around you. Entering a room and immediately leaving if she saw you in it. She just couldn’t help the butterflies that swarmed her stomach when she looked at you. And it was making her sick. Watching you get ready in the morning. Applying lip liner making her wonder what your lips felt like. Or helping you with the little bows you would tie on your hair and your bags. Or the way you rested a hand on her thigh when you would have movie nights. Sometimes how you looked at her when you couldn’t sleep and needed someone to talk to, would send her into overdrive. Your eyes would be all sleepy and and your lips all puffy after biting them subconsciously. You would wrap yourself in fluffy throw blankets and hold that stupid teddy bear she got you when you were 16. And she just thinks to herself-

“How could someone look so beautiful?”

She wanted to crawl into a hole every time she noticed you staring at her plain outfits or the boxers she wore to bed. She wished she could dress well like you. Maybe you would like her then. It made her so insecure knowing you had seen her grow up. Seen all her awkward phases and nerdy interests. You had always seemed so put together and cool to her.

One night you were eating take out and watching her play a video game on the tv when you started messing with her hair.

“Ellie…”

“What’s up? Do I need a hairbrush or something?” She says turning her attention to you. Chuckling awkwardly as she starts to flatten down her hair.

“Oh! No you’re fine. You look great. Um… can I ask you something?” You question bringing your knees to your chest. Making her put the controller down nervously to fully face you.

“Anything…”

“You like girls right?” You ask so scared it almost sounds like a whisper. Ellie’s body flinches, straightening up. She never expected to have this conversation with you. It always just seemed like unspoken knowledge.

“Yeah I do..”

“How did you know?” You ask, eyes glossy.

“Well, I personally was just never attracted to men in that way. It’s different for everyone, but for me when ever a man would try to get romantic with me I would run. It just never felt right…” Ellie says eyeing you down. You were trembling. You looked terrified.

“Ellie…”

“Yeah…”

“I think I like girls.” You sob and she brings you into her arms. Holding you, rubbing your back softly.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you.” She whispers.

The entire night she talked to you about old flings and answered any questions you had. But her stomach had dropped from the moments your confession left your lips. Cause it made what she was feeling all to real. It it was scary. Knowing that you like girls means that if you do reject her is cause you don’t like her personally. And not just because she was a girl. Cause how could someone so pretty and kind, like someone like her? So she started avoiding you.

You started to beg Dina to tell you if Ellie had said anything.

“Is she mad at me? I mean Dina please, I need to know. She’s acting like the sight of me disgusts her. I’m worried I did something wrong.” You plead sitting down on her couch.

“She’s not mad at you I promise.” Dina sighs grabbing a bottle of water and sitting down next to you.

“Then why is she avoiding me?” You say and she puts a hand on your shoulder.

“You really need to ask her yourself. How about this, I’m gonna have us all over here tomorrow night for a little party, get together, whatever you wanna call it. And since I’m forcing her to be here you can talk to her.” Dina says and you smile at the plan. The not knowing was killing you and this was the perfect way to get answers.

Later that night while making dinner you look over at Ellie who is finally taking off her headphones.

“Hey are you going to Dina’s tomorrow?” You ask and she lets out a groan.

“Yeah, she said if I don’t she’ll break in and steal all my weed. So…” Ellie explains and walks to her bed.

“Not hungry?” You ask concerned.

“No I’ll eat tomorrow. Night.” She says and turns off the little light above her bed before leaning over and shutting the door between the main room and the bedroom.

You finish up and sit down on the couch. Not wanting to go in there and bother her anymore. Your mind was wandering. You had been friends for 6 years. Little fights had happened before. But this wasn’t a fight. It felt like she was evicting you from her life.

She didn’t want to talk to you. Or look at you. The sound of your voice would make her shiver and if you accidentally brushed her leg on the couch she would scoot so far over she was almost on the arm rest. It was embarrassing. You felt almost disgusting. Like some parasite invading her space. She wouldn’t play her guitar for you anymore. And you wouldn’t find the little drawings she had done of you scattered on her walls.

It hurt. Cause you had finally bucked up the courage to ask her out when this all started happening. Maybe she knew you liked her and that was why she was avoiding you? Cause she didn’t like you back. The thoughts made you feel uneasy as you laid down and quietly cried.

The next morning Ellie would find you laying on the couch passed out with tear stains covering your cheeks. She felt horrible knowing she was the reason. She was your best friend and staying away from you was probably really hard on you. But she needed to get over her crush before you could go back to normal. So she rushed out of the dorm that morning and headed straight to class.

You felt groggy and out of it when you woke up but it was okay cause you didn’t have any classes today. You spent the day trying to hype yourself up for tonight.

“I have to look perfect.” You thought as you put on your everyday jewelry and slipped on your shoes. You tried to go for a model off duty kind of look, remembering when you wore a similar outfit and she said you looked nice. You did the finishing touches on your makeup and put on a perfume you knew she liked.

You took a deep breath before making your way to Dina’s. You knocked and the door swung open.

“Oh good! You’re here!” Dina smiles and you can tell how the party has been going. She was already tipsy. Jesse was in the corner dancing to disturbia by Rihanna. And some other friends were doing shots at the counter.

Then you saw her. Sitting on the windowsill. Joint resting between her fingers as she looks outside. You walk over and sit next to her causing her to squirm a little.

“Hey.” You breathe out and she sighs.

“Hey.”

“So… I was wondering if we could talk?” You ask fidgeting with the rings on your fingers. They seemed a little much now looking at how casual everyone else had dressed. I mean Ellie was wearing some jeans, a hoodie, and her converse. And she still looked like the most beautiful girl you’ve ever seen.

She blew out a puff of smoke turning to look at you. Visibly uncomfortable with the conversation already.

“I- yeah I guess.”

“Ellie. I really like you. I do but……“ you start to say when she cuts you off and stands up.

“Please don’t. It’s just mean. I don’t want your attempt at making me feel better.” She says getting worked up.

“What?” You say shocked as she looks down at you. People start to stare.

“I have been in love with you for years. And I never complained when you would talk about other people, because I knew I’d never have a chance. But now I know I could have and it’s the worst feeling in the world. And I can’t sit here and listen to you try and let me down easy. You’re my best friend but I can’t do this anymore.” She says pointing between you guys, hot tears streaming down her face. The party had gone quiet. Everyone staring at the sight in-front of them.

“Ellie please, that’s not…” You say reaching a hand out to hold hers and and she pulls it away.

“I can’t. I’m sorry.” She says and walks out the door. You quickly get up and chase after her.

She practically slammed the door in your face as she went inside. You go in and shut it behind you.

“I’m serious I need to be alone right now. God this is so embarrassing!” She yells at herself.

“Ellie I don’t care what you think. I need you to listen to me right now!” You say and shove her down on the couch making her go wide eyed.

“I was trying to tell you how much I like you. And how Ive wanted to be with you for a long time now. And every time I try to tell you, you push me away. And I do care about you. I care about you so much and it’s killing me to know that you’ve felt this way all this time. You are the most perfect and beautiful girl I have ever seen and I would do anything for you to understand that. We have been friends for so long, I didn’t want to ruin that at first but it was torcher. Because just the sight of you gives me butterflies and I can’t take it anymore.” You sob.

The hours of work you had put into your appearance seemingly was for nothing. Because as you kneeled down in front of her and grasped her hands she just stared at you. Your makeup was smudged from the tears and your hair was disheveled. But even in the moment of chaos and confessions all she could think about was how beautiful you were.

“I didn’t want to lose you.“ Ellie whispers placing her forehead to yours.

“You shouldn’t have pushed me away.” You choke out and she wipes a tear from your face making you took up at her.

“I’ll never push you away again.” She smiles softly. Tilting your chin up she brings your lips close. You can feel her breath on your face. Closing the gap slowly you press your lips to hers. It was gentle and sweet. Ellie had always wanted to know what your lips felt like, and it was better than she could have imagined. You tangled your fingers in her hair pulling her closer.

You could feel her smile into the kiss. Her hands gripped your waist as she pulled you both up. Stumbling backwards into the bedroom. You fell back onto her bed as she started to lift your shirt. You lift your back for easier access, when you feel her stop.

“Is something wrong?” You ask, nervous you already screwed this up.

“No, nothings wrong. It’s just… I’ve wanted this to happen for so long, trust me. But you’re not just some girl I met at a party. You’re you… and I want to do this right.” She says laying next to you now, propping herself up on her arm. Running her fingers through your hair.

“Let me take you out.” She says and you give her a playful smile.

“Like a date?” You grin. She places a small kiss you your lips. Parting with a soft whisper.

“Yes, like a date.” She smiles.

“Well I can’t wait for this date then.” You whisper back pulling her in closer.

[leaawrites]

You're everything.

Percy Jackson x fem!daughter of Hecate reader

Based on this request.

Summary: Percy and Y/n spend the holidays at the beach, though one thing is keeping them from enjoying the sea.

Warnings: mentions of body insecurity (you are all beautiful! Don't forget that, please. Love, me.), mentions of Y/n, very bad jokes and flirting, mentions of one's period, aged up Characters, sexual referencing (?)

Wordcount: 1.1k

Masterlist

“What is going on?” Percy asked, watching his girlfriend make herself comfortable on the towel she brought to the beach.

For Percy, vacation was just another reason to enjoy the sea. Just in another country. And most times that was the same reasoning for Y/n, though it seems like this might have changed.

“You can go in the water, I will just sun bath for a bit longer,” the girl said, whisking him away with a shake of her hand. Trying to push his shadow from her already burning frame.

“You never sun bath,” Percy pointed out, proving once again how good he knew his girlfriend. “Especially not with a shirt on.”

“It’s just a bit windy and fresh, nothing more,” she dismissed it.

Percy looked around the beach as if he tried to catch a glimpse of the ‘wind’ his girlfriend was referring to. He saw the kids playing in the water and the other couples laying in the sun or in the water, but there was no trace of any wind. It may not be the hottest day of the time they were here, but it wasn’t cold.

“Love, I think you might be sick, because I can’t feel any wind,” he pointed out, letting his hands rest on top of his waist.

Y/n looked up at him, lifting her upper body and supporting it’s weight on her elbows. She pushed down her sunglasses and shot him a pointed look. “I’m not sick,” she said, glaring at him.

“Then what is it?” He asked confused as to why she was being so grumpy all of a second. Normally he would understand, since those were the day before she got her period, though he knew for a fact that she already had it before the holiday. So that couldn’t be it.

“Nothing,” she dismissed him again, laying back down, sunglasses over her eyes. They hid her. They hid the tears that started to form in her eyes as the thoughts came crashing down on her again. Silence worsened them, but the guilt that came with lying about it was heavier. They made her feel heavier than she already did.

“You know, your mother isn’t a friend of liars. Imagine how dissapointed she is right now,” Percy used her mother most times to make her talk. She was seen as the protector of humans, which made her restless once you betray her.

“I mean look at you, you’re so hot and then there’s me,” she blurted out, throwing her hands up at the sky in desperation.

Percy caught one of her hands, pulling her up. As the two had both feet on stable ground, Percy pulled her closer. Mouth agape and disbelief in his eyes. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? As if you’re not everything.”

“What?” She looked up at him confused. Sure, people called her cool, or pretty, pr maybe even - when you reach very far - beautiful. But she was never called everything. Everything was a praise she craved. She never wanted to be just something, she wanted to be everything to someone and now she was. She was Percy’s everything.

“Babe, you are fucking gorgeous. Gods, I even heard Aphrodite is jealous of you,” Percy joked, making her laugh.

“Yeah, right.” Y/n rolled her eyes at his stupid way of making her feel better. If Aphrodite felt jealous, she would be 6 feet under already. And now - thanks to Percy’s comment - she had to sleep with one eye open at night. Gods may not be the best people, though they are definitely the most jealous ones.

“I’m being dead serious here. If you want me to prove it I will die. Talking of dying, if I’m dead write that on my grave stone: “I wish I was at least half as hot as my girlfriend.” His jokes never got any better than this. Always a silly tone and a serious face.

“I’m not gonna let you die,” she whispered, letting a small smile cradle on her face. Affection filling her eyes and insides. If she was everything, then he was eternity.

“And I’m not gonna let you lie about how you look,” Percy whispered back. Taking her hands up to his face he kissed her knuckles, watching her intensely as if to prove his point.

Y/n’s breath hitched, getting caught up in the way his eyes basically begged her to believe him.

“OK, what if we make a deal. You don’t die until we’re 90 and I won’t talk bad about my body anymore,” she said, pulling herself out of her thoughts before they got too intimate for a public place like this.

“Think,” Percy said.

“About what?” The girl asked back confused.

“You shouldn’t think bad about your body anymore. You’re not allowed to,” he stated, his voice growing quieter and darker.

“I’m not allowed to?” She asked, sounding almost offended.

“Look, I’m all about not telling women what they have to do like they’re not a human being, but that is where I personally draw the line,” he said, lifting his hands in his defense, pulling hers with his as he still held them tightly.

“Wow, you feminist,” she praised him, making him grin wider than before. Somehow, Percy’s smile always made her smile as well. It was like a curse. A curse that she wasn’t too mad about. Percy knew. He knew that his smile was infatuates to her, that’s why he smiled more around her. Letting his happiness radiate in every space they were in, as long as they were together it was uncontrollable.

“I know, right? Got raised well,” he said, looking proud of the mention of his mother.

“I guess I have to thank Sally now?” She asked, warmth filling her as she thought of the woman. Sally was a kind soul, nothing else but sunshine. She made her son just the same.

“I have her on speed dial if you want to,” Percy claimed.

Y/n laughs. “That’s cute,” she commented.

“You’re there as well,” Percy said, looking down. He looked almost ashamed of it, though it was his own decision to do so and mention it.

“Aww.” Y/n melted at the simple gesture of trust. If something happened to him, he wanted her to know.

“Even though I think, in an emergency situation, they are gonna call the contact ‘Mom’ and not ‘super hot chick’,” Percy looked back up as he said so, a smirk plastered on his face.

“Oh my gods, Percy.” Y/n laughed. There he was again, she thought. The boy I love so much. Silly and funny.

“Now get that shirt off your beautiful body before I will and get in the water with me,” Percy urged her, already jumping up and down out of excitement for the water.

Y/n hesitated for a moment before pulling the shirt over her head and sprinting down the beach to the water, closely followed by Percy who yelled at her for a jumping the start of their race.

[nanawritesit]

Twice Headcanons: How They Act When They’re Jealous!

Nayeon:

on the outside, she’s completely calm. she gives off such calculated control, you’d never even know she was jealous

however on the inside, she’s having a complete downward spiral

her jealousy just validates the insecurities she already has; that she’s not pretty enough, not smart enough, not cool enough… not good enough for you.

she’ll start overanalyzing everything about her personality until she’s drowning in her own self criticism

all of this introspection makes her grow distant, which is your ONLY sign that something is wrong

the only thing that will snap her out of this is if you sit her down to her and explain in vivid detail how much you love everything about her, and how no one could ever replace her 💞

Jeongyeon:

scarily quiet

doesn’t like feeling threatened, so she gets insecure whenever someone seems to be making you happier than her

will start digging for dirt on whoever seems to be interested in you, doing a full background check

“hey Y/N, did you know they flunked out of college? no? oh, i just heard that through the grape vine.”

gives you a cold glare every time you mention their name

will protectively place a hand on your lower back the whole time you’re out with them

it’s not that she doesn’t trust you, it’s them she doesn’t trust.

if she gets pushed hard enough, she won’t hesitate to call them out on it in front of everyone

“why don’t you find your own girlfriend/boyfriend/ partner instead of chasing after mine? it’s honestly really pathetic.”

Momo:

the opposite of jeongyeon, she’s loud and fiery about her jealousy

not afraid to make a scene whatsoever

it’s kind of hot honestly

won’t hesitate to publicly humiliate someone for coming onto you

“Oh, you thought they were interested in you? That’s cute. Why would they want you when they already have me?”

would get violent if anyone put their hands on you

“get your filthy hands off of them before i break every bone in them.”

will kiss you in public if it makes people stop staring at you, and will smirk at them from across the room afterwards to rub it in their face that she’s the one who gets to kiss you

you would never even think of trying to make her jealous, she would be far too terrifying 😭

Sana:

her? jealous? no, never. jealousy is barbaric and petty, something totally beneath her!

at least… that’s what she tells you

if it’s just some average person, she wouldn’t care and just brush it off

but if it’s someone she perceives as more successful than her, she’ll start getting insecure

she doesn’t like competition, so if someone manages to shake her, she turns a little sour 😙

very passive aggressive

“why don’t you go hang out with them, since you two are so close?”

however, she’s adorable when she’s jealous, and has the cutest little pout… you can’t stop yourself from grabbing her face and kissing her, which 9 times out of 10 makes her feel better

Jihyo:

she doesn’t get jealous very often, she trusts you a lot and knows you wouldn’t run off with someone else just because they showed interest in you

she doesn’t see other people in your life as competition, she’s secure in the fact that she’s the one you chose as your partner

she would pretty much only get upset if she felt that you were blatantly disrespecting your relationship by shamelessly flirting with others

she doesn’t like to be controlling, but there are times when she’ll tell you not to associate with certain people anymore because of how they don’t honor your relationship. it’s not an ultimatum, more of a test to see how much you really care about her

but that’s only in the worst case scenario. most of the time she’s very open about her feelings. she’s not afraid to be vulnerable with you :)

Dahyun:

she doesn’t get jealous too often, but when she does, it can be intense

she doesn’t like coming off as insecure so she tends to keep it to herself

if it starts getting to her, she might start mirroring your actions

you start hanging out with your friends more than her? she can do that too. you have friends of your preferred romantic gender? she has some of those too

it will either go two ways: one, you’ll feel hurt and realize how you’ve been making her feel, and then the behavior will stop on both ends

or two, you’re perfectly fine with what she’s doing, and she realizes her jealousy was silly and lets it go

after this, she would FINALLY feel secure enough to have a talk with you about spending more time together 😑

Mina:

turns into a completely different person

she’s highly competitive, and will immediately double down and turn their little game into a death match

if you don’t seem interested in the other person, she’ll go to extreme lengths to secure your love by making extravagant public displays of affection

that person needs to know that she loves you more than they ever could

however, if you decided to play with her heart and act interested in this person? you’ll surely regret it

she has a ph.d in revenge, and will make you 10x more jealous than you made her 💋

she hates feeling replaced or forgotten, so if you start making her feel that way, she’ll immediately try and flip it back on you before it sinks in.

Chaeyoung: 

she’s highly possessive in her relationships. you belong to her, and she belongs to you. that’s the agreement you both made when you made things exclusive

and she’s not likely to stay with someone who doesn’t honor that commitment, so if you think she’ll tolerate you flirting around and playing the field, she won’t 😬

however if you’re not actively trying to make her jealous, she’s way more calm in how she handles things

she won’t lash out on you, but rather explain to you that it bothers her how this person looks at you/ talks to you. that way, if you continue to let it happen, she can’t say she didn’t set clear boundaries with you 😗

Tzuyu:

probably the least jealous member tbh

has a mindset of “if they want to, they will.”

i.e, if you want to cheat on her, you will. then she’ll leave you and move on with her life 💁🏼‍♀️

but obviously you don’t want to, because HELLO you’re dating chou tzuyu???

for real though, she’s super confident in herself, so she doesn’t get threatened easily

if you ever did manage to make her jealous, she’d probably just tell you straight out

and you’d apologize profusely because you’re WHIPPED for this woman as you should be

[thisgirlnamedblusy]

Hi there, I love your writing and I’m always amazed how you write so much every day!

Could I request a story where G!P Donna and Reader haven’t made love yet because Donna always makes excuses and seems very shy about it and Reader doesn’t want to pressure her, but it’s starting to make Reader feel a little insecure and she wonders if Donna doesn’t desire her in that way. Donna starts spending more time hiding away in her workshop and one day Reader enters and finds her masturbating there. Donna is embarrassed and admits that she’s worried she wouldn’t have enough stamina to please Reader during sex since it would be her first time, and admits she’s been disappearing to ‘take care of her needs’ multiple times a day to train herself to last a long time. Reader just reassures her it’ll be fine no matter what, pulls her to the bedroom and they finally make love, it’s very gentle with Reader slowly riding her, and they both enjoy it a lot.

Yess!!! Thank you for your kindness! Yes, it's a hard work, but I love doing it!!!! Thank you for your request too!!! I hope you like it and sorry about the language mistakes!!! :))))

Please you

Pairing: Donna Beneviento x Fem!! Reader

Warnings: G!P Donna, smut, Minors DNI, fluff,

Word count: 7,507

Summary: You were trying to be loved, but she's alwasy so shy...

N/A: Sorry about the language mistakes!!! Requests are open!!! I'm waiting yours!!!I love you all!!!

The music sounded distant, as if that record wasn't really spinning, as if nothing around really existed, only her and you. Only you, a common village girl dancing with a lady in black, letting your hands caress each other, letting your bodies move.

In your life you always looked for an easy love, a girl from the village who would smile at you, who seemed kind, who would end up breaking your heart. Already plunged into the despair of having been born in the wrong place, at the wrong time, you stopped believing that there really was someone for you out there.

But by chance, you met the woman who was now your dance partner, the woman who caressed you, who pleased you with thousands of compliments, who kissed you, thanking you for your simple existence.

Donna Beneviento, the village Lord, servant of Mother Miranda, was nothing but a dark legend for your family, for the rest of the villagers like you. Meeting her was a coincidence, loving her was simply destiny.

She was… Everything you were looking for, everything you dreamed of after every failure, after every love disappointment. She was a sick woman, self-conscious about her appearance, about the cruel gifts the Black Gods had granted her. But she was… Simply Donna, simply something you could not categorize, an intelligent, shy woman, who blushed every time you reminded her how beautiful she was without that horrible black veil on.

Loving her was a reflex action, involuntary but desired. No matter how many problems, how many absurd fears, how many unfounded jealousies, you would never leave. You would never fulfill her greatest fear, the fear of fear itself, being left alone again.

And so, under the dim light of that mansion, under the diffuse sound of that romantic music, you danced in silence, with a smile, with nothing to say, with much to feel.

You sighed when the music stopped leaning on her chest, closing your eyes to feel the soft movements of a shy woman, that soft laugh that was always accompanied by a blush.

“I had a great time tonight, tesoro,” the lady whispered, moving you away so she could see that smile, the one she adored.

You nodded, sighing again, capturing her lips in a soft, tender kiss, one of those for which you would be capable of selling your soul even to Mother Miranda herself.

“Mm, well, it's been like any other night,” you joked in a soft voice, playing with her hands. Her gaze cooled and she frowned.

“What do you mean?” Donna asked in a more serious, worried tone.

You rolled your eyes and shook your head. That she understood your jokes, your words with double meanings or a normal conversation between two people was something still needed to be improved.

“I mean... I have a good time with you every night, Donna,” you whispered in a playful way, creating with your words, a new dazzling smile on her face.

“Oh, good,” she said nervously, nodding embarrassed by her clumsiness.

“I love those romantic dinners you prepare for me...” you whispered in a much more affectionate, more direct tone, slowly approaching her ear. “I think I couldn't live without them.”

Donna laughed again, kissing you slowly, sailing on your lips again and gently grabbing your waist. You, sighing, hoping that, indeed, that night would not end like all the others, with a quick kiss and the bedroom light turned off, bit your lip.

“But... Maybe it's too soon to call it a night, don't you think?” you purred in her ear, unintentionally causing her to shudder, shyly moving away.

“Aren't you tired?” she asked innocently, blinking in confusion.

You, accustomed to this game of pretending that your advances had no effect on her, approached again, shaking your head and absentmindedly playing with the buttons of her dress.

“Not at all,” you said in a soft, suggestive tone, one that not even the most naive person in the world would be able to ignore. “Mmm, we could do something, you know.”

“Like what?” the lady asked, curious, with a nervous laugh.

“Well, I thought maybe… We could go down to the basement and…” you suggested, pretending that you weren't as direct as you seemed, that you weren't looking forward to taking a much-desired next step in your relationship, one that was taking too long to arrive.

“To, to the basement,” she repeated, with a more relaxed face, subtly fleeing from your caresses on her chest, from your glassy eyes that conveyed fierceness and lust.

“Yes, Donna, to the basement,” you said amused, not allowing the lady to escape again, grabbing her by the waist, closing your two hands on her back, keeping her close, very close. “I thought… Well, we could bring down some of that delicious wine and…”

“Oh, do you want to watch a movie?” she said in a different tone, less fearful. She always did the same.

She always was deflecting your attempts to seduce her in an almost masterful way. For some time now, you've been wondering if she really was that innocent, or if she was just playing with you.

“Um…” you whispered confused, releasing her from your grip and scratching the back of your neck at another of your failures.

Maybe your problem was subtlety, maybe it was just you, you didn't know, and you didn't want to think about it.

“I, I'd really like to watch a movie with you, (Y/N),” she said nervously, playing with her hands, as if that romantic atmosphere had been blurred by your attempt to dance under the sheets.

Well, a partially darkened room with the woman you loved by your side… It didn't sound like a bad idea.

“Okay, let's watch a movie,” you said with a slightly forced smile, with your head thinking of hundreds, thousands of strategies you could use to take advantage of the situation.

Donna nodded enthusiastically, kissing you quickly and taking your hand, walking with you to the elevator.

“What do you think of this one?” she asked, showing you a metal box while you sat on the small sofa, enjoying her movements, her discreet curses at the mess of the old office.

Without much effort, you looked up to read the title and nodded passively. Donna looked at you again, smiling as she did every time, as if, deep inside, she also had the horrible feeling that you were nothing but an illusion.

The white screen began to light up and, with a sigh, the lady in black sat next to you, putting her arm around your shoulders, leaning you against her body.

Imbued with her floral perfume, being caressed by her soft hands, by her fingers playing with your hair, you almost forgot what you wanted. Love, romance always came before your needs, Donna's love for you, your love for her.

A romantic movie wasn't the best of scenarios either. You were always too emotional.

“But why is he leaving? She loved him,” you said, watching for the umpteenth time the scene at the airport, the one that couldn't help but make you cry. Donna looked at you and kissed your head, snuggling you closer to her body.

“You always say the same thing in this scene,” she said, amused, wiping away one of your tears. “Don't cry, tesoro... It's just a movie.”

“I know but... Sometimes I imagine something else is going to happen, you know? But no, the idiot always leaves, leaves her with a broken heart. Hey, couldn't you make people hallucinate?”

Donna shifted, ashamed of the powers that turned her into a monster, according to her, that turned her into a warning, into a terrifying story to tell around the fire.

“I... I can,” she sighed, squeezing the hand that was tangled in your hair, nervous, without realizing she was starting to hurt you.

You, used to those little attacks, those that you almost always caused without wanting to, took your hand away from your hair, kissing it with affection and an understanding smile.

“I didn't want to make you nervous, I just, I just want to know if you could change the ending of that disgusting movie,” you said with an amused tone, thus driving away her demons. “I mean, you could make me watch it, right?”

“It doesn't work that way, (Y/N),” she said with a still nervous tone, but breathing slowly to calm down. “I don't know what could happen to you if I…”

“Okay, okay, it was just an idea…” you said, moving your hands to forget that awkward conversation. “Why don't we watch another one?” you asked, getting up from the sofa, recovering, after that disastrous ending, the desire to want to satisfy your desires.

“It's a bit late, isn't it?” she asked, amused, watching how, clumsily, you moved the boxes, searching.

“No,” you said amused, extending a new box towards the brunette, who looked at it, and then at you, with a knowing smile.

“It's okay,” she whispered, kissing you as she got up to carefully change the movie.

At least a comedy movie wouldn't interfere with your intentions.

You laughed, you hugged each other again. Time passed even faster, like a sinister countdown that prevented you from making your well-studied movements. Stopping paying attention to Chaplin, you moved a little closer to the lady in black, kissing her neck subtly.

Donna moved nervously, but she didn't say anything to you, she didn't even turn to look at you. Good...

Your kisses continued to be soft, subtle, your fingers caressing the visible parts of her skin. A shy smile formed on her lips as she hugged your body, bringing you closer, giving you more opportunities to attack.

Your hand turned her face, held it so your lips mercilessly launched themselves at hers. She didn't cut off your kisses, she returned them, trying to maintain that subtle fierceness, those soft gasps that unintentionally began to escape from her lips.

“(Y/N)” she said nervously, putting a hand on your chest so you would give her a break. You looked at her with a good girl face, blinking petulantly. “The, the movie.”

“Oh,” you said, looking at the screen, which was now simply illuminated, without displaying any image. “Oh, it's over,” you whispered, pretending to pout, kissing her again, crawling across the small sofa until you could push her so her back was leaning on it.

“Wait,” she said, trying to speak among deep kisses, controlling your hands, which traveled restlessly over her dress.

You, sighing, stopped, without moving away, cornering her on the sofa.

“We, we should go…To, to bed,” Lady Beneviento stammered, breathing heavily, her legs shaking from the caresses of your hands.

Your smile widened even more. Maybe you had finally gotten her to give in to giving you what you wanted. You were just being naive…

“It's true… It's much better there,” you whispered, standing up, grabbing her hand and pulling it. Donna didn't move and you stopped short. “Donna?”

“No, you didn't understand me… I… I'm, I'm sleepy,” she said, faking a loud yawn. You rolled your eyes, predicting another resounding failure. “I want to go to bed to, to sleep.”

“Sleep? Really?” you asked with frustration darkening the tone of your voice, the intonation of your words. Laughing nervously, you turned around, with your hands on your hips, kicking the floor impatiently.

Donna nodded nervously, unable to look you in the eyes. You remained thoughtful, seeing the desperate attitude of the brunette, observing her until you realized a small detail.

“Wow, what's that?” you joked, pointing shamelessly at the deformity of her dress, one that betrayed her own arousal.

The lady in black looked at the same spot, covering her noticeable erection with her hands, terribly embarrassed.

“I'm, I'm sorry,” she apologized, with her cheeks flushed, moving away from you so you would stop looking at her. “I…”

“Oh, please, Donna…” you purred again, trapping the brunette in your arms again. She moved nervously, with a shy look, her breathing even more agitated. “Come on, come here, I'll help you with that.”

“What? No… No… It's just that…” she said, playing with your hands so they wouldn't go down her dress, comically backing away while you slowly chased her, stalking her. “It, it was unintentional.”

“Unintentional,” you murmured, nodding reluctantly, arching your eyebrows to emphasize your lustful eyes, trapping poor Donna against a wall.

She nodded, maneuvering her way out of your arms, moving away from you as she played with her hands.

“Hey, come on, come here Donna,” you said with an impatient tone, chasing her again as she circled around the furniture to escape your lust. “What are you doing?”

“I can't, (Y/N),” she said shyly, when you managed to catch her again.

You, sighing defeated once more, looking into her bright, wet eye, nodded, relaxing your grip.

“Oh, okay…” you murmured in a sad voice, moving away from her, rolling your eyes. A strong hand grabbed your wrist, pulling you back.

“I'm sorry, tesoro… But it's just…” she said with a pleading tone, caressing your cheek, searching for the words in her mind, the ones she couldn't seem to find. “I'm just… A, a bit tired.”

“You're always tired,” you whispered softly, reassuring yourself.

No, you couldn't insist, you promised her that you would wait, that you wouldn't pressure her.

Donna lowered her head, sobbing, embarrassed by her attitude, by having disappointed you once again.

“Hey, hey, come on…” you said softly, cupping her face in your hands, relaxing your expression and repressing your instincts. “I didn't mean to be like that, honey… I'm sorry.”

She nodded, letting you rest her forehead against yours while she grabbed your waist, while her sobs calmed down little by little.

“Donna, I'm sorry, okay?” you repeated with a more understanding voice, regretful for that stupid chase, for breaking your word of being patient and wait. “I didn't want to ruin this night.”

The lady in black nodded slowly, sighing, hugging you almost desperately, grabbing your clothes as she buried her head in your shoulder.

“Come on, come on…” you said, comforting her crying, her shame. “Nothing, is wrong…”

“I'm, I'm sorry, (Y/N), I…” she stammered, moving away. “I think, I think it'll be better if… I go to bed.”

“I'm going with you,” you said with a tender smile.

Donna shook her head.

“No, I, I want, I want to be alone, per favore…” she murmured.

If she wanted to be alone you had to let her be. Her mind was too hurt. Your actions always had consequences that you couldn't foresee. It was better to leave her alone.

“Donna…” you sighed, with the doll maker already leaving through the door, with the sound of heels walking quickly through the hallways.

Taking a breath, passing a hand over your forehead, you let yourself fall back on the sofa.

Another mistake, another failure.

Yes, you were not the typical girl who considered sex as an essential pillar of a relationship, that love was shown by how many times two bodies fused into one. No, you were not like that, you were romantic, understanding.

But little by little that desire to break the last barrier that remained between Donna and you became stronger and stronger. It was not just lust, desire, livid, no, it was love, it was the most intimate expression of it, the last step of mutual feelings, the last peak to climb.

Donna was shy, an isolated woman for much of her life. You could not blame her for being reluctant to make love, for being afraid of that moment. You knew how ashamed she was of the gift of the Gods. To find out what was hidden under that black dress took you quite a while.

You never cared. You only cared about her, only Donna was important to you, not those stupid and insignificant details.

Time passed, and that moment, that night of passion never came. Excuses, absurd rushes, non-existent commitments… Anything was good to make you stop insisting, to keep your claws and stop harassing Donna with your insinuations. You could have given up a long time ago, but you didn't want to. If you didn't do anything, that moment would never come.

Shyness, loneliness, shame… There were many things that could prevent Donna from making love to you, but, of all of them, there was one that really worried you.

She had never been with anyone, no one had ever loved her, kissed her, caressed her… All those sensations were new to the lady in black. Love was something she didn't know about. The more stupid and ridiculous her excuses were, the louder the thoughts that began to haunt your mind.

What if she really didn't love you?

What if she keeps you with her just so she won't be alone?

Does she love you?

Questions that led to a dangerous answer, to a no, to a denial of her feelings when it came to intimacy, to a lack of desire for you, to not wanting to dive into the depths of someone she didn't really love.

It seemed absurd. Her body reacted to your caresses, to your kisses. That was much worse. If Donna really didn't love you, she wasn't going to let her body take the initiative, she didn't believe in sex without love, she told you that several times.

The bedroom was lit, and a black shadow rested on the bed. The lady in black was crying, face down, against a pillow. You sighed.

“Hey, Donna,” -you whispered quietly, sitting on the bed and resting your hand on her shoulder. The lady was startled, revealing her face wet with tears.

“Leave me alone,” she whispered with a broken voice. You weren't going to listen to her, of course.

“Donna...” you sighed again, pulling her up, unable to reject your comforting touch. “Come on, calm down.”

“I'm, I'm calm,” she said in a serious tone, changing her wounded face to a cold one, to one that made a shiver run down your spine.

“It was my fault, really,” you said in a soft voice, rubbing her back, taking her shaking hand. “I promised I wouldn't pressure you and I did, forgive me.”

She shook her head, shifting on the spot and looking down, still holding your hand.

“Why is it so important to you?” she asked in a cold tone, her gaze lost. You sighed once more, searching for an answer you didn't have.

“It's not that important,” you said unsure of your own words. “I would just really like to make love to you, Donna.”

The lady in black nodded slowly, a familiar blush creeping across her cheeks.

“I'm sure you've made it with many people,” she whispered, playing with the sheet, threatening to tear it from the pressure of her hands.

You closed your eyes, taking a breath. It was a dangerous conversation.

“Well... With...” you started to say, interrupted by a hand covering your mouth along with an angry growl.

“Basta, I don't want to hear it,” she protested, squeezing her hand tightly.

You, with a gasp, pushed her away. You had to use a lot of strength. Again, she was very nervous.

“You’ve asked me,” you said taking a breath, keeping her hand in your lap, fighting against its trembling.

“I didn't ask you, it was a statement,” she hissed, removing her hand from yours with a nervous gasp. “You should learn to listen better.”

“Oh, okay,” you said with a surprised smile, your brow furrowed by that brusque tone of the brunette. “I don't listen, huh?”

“No, you don’t,” Donna whispered dryly, looking away again. “You never listen.”

“Great, now it’s my fault,” you said incredulously, pointing at yourself.

“It's the first thing you said when you arrived,” the lady defended herself, with an arrogant tone, defensive, as always when her fears danced uncontrolled in her mind.

“So you do listen?” you asked ironically.

“Yes, I do,” she answered, moving away a little more, crossing her arms.

You snorted, closing your eyes to calm yourself, to not let your pride eat up her problems, to not start another horrible argument.

“Listen to me Donna, I, I don't know what it is that scares you, but... I can tell you what scares me.”

She looked at you, calmer but with the same hateful gleam in her eyes.

“I'm afraid of... That... That you don't love me,” you sighed, letting out your own fears. You couldn't expect any other kind of reaction.

The lady in black got up from the bed, looking at you angrily.

“What? I don't love you? How can you say that?” she asked with a frown. You, tired of falling into her traps, shrugged your shoulders, looking at your nails with disinterest.

“I don't know, I don't feel... Desired,” you murmured, changing pity for a riskier, more dangerous strategy.

“Is love just feeling desired for you?” she asked furiously, with white knuckles due to the pressure of her closed fists.

“No, but it helps,” you said with a cocky tone.

“Stupida...” the lady growled, pacing back and forth in the room, nervous, terribly nervous.

“Oh, you insult me, great,” you said amused, pretending to enjoy that situation.

“You don't... You don't understand...” she said, stopping walking, turning around while running a hand through her hair. “You don't understand, (Y/N).”

You smiled subtly, getting up and grabbing her from behind gently by the waist. She struggled, but gave in, sighing sadly again.

“You're right. I don't understand...” you whispered in a calm voice, turning her around little by little. “That's why I want you to tell me what the problem is. Talk to me, Donna, please.”

“You wouldn't understand, you'll laugh at me,” she said, with a shy tone, showing again her true helplessness, one that sometimes you adored.

“I won't, I promise,” you whispered, caressing her face lovingly, giving her a kind of emotional support with your hand.

Donna seemed to want to say something, but after a few seconds, she changed her mind, walking away from you, sitting on the bed with a tired sigh.

“(Y/N)… Do you love me?” the lady asked in a low, almost inaudible voice. You frowned and walked next to her.

“Of course I love you,” you said with a smile, bending down and leaning on her knees, rubbing them affectionately.

The lady in black smiled back at you, a shy smile, almost imperceptible.

“Me too,” she whispered. “And I, I would really like to… You know, show it to you.”

“Fine,” you said, getting up and sitting next to her, comically pinching her cheek, giving your ears another of her shy laughs.

“I just… I need some time,” Donna said with a serious tone, looking at you out of the corner of her eye.

“It's okay, Donna, I'll give you all the time you need…” you finally said, kissing her lips, sealing that bitter discussion, accepting that, if you wanted to love her fully, you would have to wait.

After that day there weren't many changes. Love, kisses, caresses… Everything seemed to continue as always. That was a good sign, the sign that your own insecurities hadn't affected hers. You pretended to have forgotten, you stopped making suggestions, getting closer to her attraction, you let her go at her own pace.

Donna seemed much calmer with you, she didn't seem to fidget as much when your hand traveled over her chest. But, despite that positive change, that increase in confidence, her shy and embarrassed attitude was still very present.

Making dolls was always something that kept her isolated from the world, including you. Normally, she spent hours in her workshop, working almost obsessively. You were always the one who came down, the one who claimed her attention.

But lately, she told you that she was too busy to allow herself distractions. That didn't surprise you, but that kind of routine escape to the basement did, that time when the lady in black seemed to want to hide.

You had left her alone, she had nothing to fear, you weren't going to throw yourself at her neck. Even so, she always vanished for a while, many times, even without you realizing it. It wasn't a normal situation, but it wasn't something you weren't prepared for either. You just had to remember all those years of loneliness.

“Checkmate, silly,” Angie said, in one of your new and frequent chess games. Donna's absence made the doll's behavior much worse. Something that was also… Suspicious.

“You win again… Yay…” you said with false enthusiasm, knocking down your king.

“I'm the best,” she said proudly, laughing in a way that could scare even the bravest.

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head, something that alerted the doll.

“Do you have something to say, loser?” she mocked. You blinked cockily and leaned back on the couch.

“Yeah, where's Donna? It's almost two,” you asked, looking at the clock and frowning.

“In her workshop,” Angie answered, placing the pieces back on the board.

“I know. It was a rhetorical question,” you sighed, moving your legs impatiently. “Why aren't you with her?”

Angie shrugged comically.

“I don't know, she said she wanted to be alone,” Angie explained to you, with a surprisingly calmer tone.

“Um…” you said, arching your eyebrows.

“Let's play again,” the doll said, jumping on the floor. You, tired of that situation, shook your head, getting up with a sigh.

“Maybe later. I'm going to look for her, she might have fallen asleep,” you murmured, moving away from the doll, who suddenly turned around, tugging at your dress.

“Donna doesn't want you there, stupid,” Angie protested. You, with a mocking look, released the wooden hands from your clothes.

“Maybe she doesn’t, but I'm her girlfriend,” you said, walking towards the elevator. “I can bother her if I want.”

Sticking your tongue out at Angie, and enduring her angry insults, you went down to the basement. The place was sinister, but that silence... It wasn't normal.

You walked slowly towards the doors of the workshop, uncomfortable for disturbing her, for disobeying her request of not interrupt her work. But that day it was later than usual, and curiosity and suspicion ran through your veins.

“(Y/N)...” a broken whisper reached your ears behind the wooden doors.

You were about to open them, but upon hearing that panting voice, you stopped with a confused look.

Little by little, you opened the door, poking your head through it, with a perfectly rehearsed look of apology.

What you saw almost made you give yourself away.

The lady in black was sitting in front of her work table, with her head down, with her arm moving slowly between her legs. You opened your eyes wide and covered yourself so as not to laugh at that sight.

Her breathing was labored and her movements were calm, but quite obvious, you knew what she was doing perfectly well.

“Hey, Donna,” you said amused, entering the workshop when she seemed more focused, startling her, making her turn around with a terrified look. “Why didn't you wait for me?”

“What are you doing here?!” she shouted furiously, storing her erection in her dress, hiding something that you had already seen, and that it was too late to hide. “I told you not to disturb me! Cazzo! Go away, fuori! Go away!”

“But Donna, what were you doing?” you said, unmovable by the sudden pushes of the doll maker, who trembled with rage and shame.

“Silenzio! Shut up, go away, go away!” the lady shouted, pushing you desperately, not letting you look at her face.

“Hey, stop, you're hurting me,” you said, rubbing one of your shoulders. That was enough to make her stop growling nervously, returning to her table, not letting you see the blush on her cheeks.

“Go away…” she said, breathing deeply, pointing to the workshop door, turning her back on you.

“No, I'm not leaving,” you said sighing, walking slowly towards her, leaning over to see her face disoriented by your intrusion. “Donna…” you hummed. She pressed her lips together, but didn't look at you. “Were you touching yourself?”

“No,” she answered with a dangerous hiss, avoiding eye contact with you despite your movements to get it.

“Of course you were,” you said amused, with that image firmly fixed in your head, an image that, on the other hand, caused a tickling between your legs. “I caught you, honey.”

“So… So what if you caught me,” the doll maker whispered with a broken voice, with anger being a shield for her shame again. “I can do whatever I want. If I want to masturbate, I’ll masturbate.”

“Oh, sure, right…” you said nodding, letting yourself fall into a nearby chair, holding back your laughter at her attitude. “How selfish of you, you could have called me.”

Donna gasped ironically, shaking her head and closing her eye while she buried her head in her arms.

“Damn…” she murmured, pulling at her hair, not knowing how to deal with that situation.

“Come on, it's okay,” you said, calming your laughter and getting a little closer. “It's something natural. You have nothing to be ashamed of... You know what? The other day in the shower... I started thinking about you and...”

“Taci,” she interrupted you, raising her head and sighing in defeat. “You still don't understand anything, do you?”

“Do I have something to understand?” you asked curiously, seeing how the lady in black didn't seem to want to put up with your jokes.

“Do you think I do it just for fun?” she asked back, with a serious look, with your hand again controlling the trembling of hers. You nodded calmly, frowning.

“Well, people usually do it for fun,” you said softly, understandingly.

“I don't,” she said, removing your hand from hers, turning around so you couldn't see her.

“Oh, okay,” you sighed, resting an elbow on the table. Donna looked at you thoughtfully and tilted her head up, letting the air out of her lungs slowly.

“Maybe, maybe… Before I met you I… I did it from time to time, you know, my body asked for it.”

“Uh-huh,” you said understandingly, nodding, listening attentively. “It's a need.”

“Yes,” she sighed. “But when, when I met you… Everything, everything was so different, so… New to me…”

“I understand,” you whispered, tenderly touching her shoulder. She grabbed your hand, interlacing your fingers, lowering it to her lap.

“I've never made love to anyone, (Y/N). I, I guess you already knew that but, but I've never told you,” Donna confessed to you.

Yes, you already knew, but it was true that it was something you sensed, not that you knew for sure.

“I know, don't worry,” you said, keeping that smile that reassured her.

“Not, not even... You know, before, before... This,” she said, briefly pointing to her lap.

“Well, it doesn't have to be a bad thing,” you said, helping her express herself with soft caresses, with eyes that could only convey love.

“It is!” Donna shrieked abruptly, blinking erratically. “You still, you still don't understand it... I'm, I'm afraid of...”

“Of what, my love?” you asked, guiding her face to yours, a sad and embarrassed face, but equally beautiful.

“Of not satisfying you,” the lady finally said, lowering her head.

“What nonsense,” you joked incredulously, finally giving an explanation to that fear, to that reluctance, to that constant rejection.

“It must be nonsense to you. To me it's not,” she said with a slightly dark tone, annoyed by your words. “I don’t… I don’t know if I’ll be able to… You know, last long enough.”

You blinked, holding back your laughter again. Yes, it was an understandable, but a stupid concern for you.

“Donna,” you said, amused. “Is that why you didn’t want to…?”

“I can’t fail you, (Y/N), you, you’re the love of my life and I’m just… I’m just… Useless.”

“Don’t say that,” you whispered lovingly, turning her face back to look at you. She slowly pulled away, shaking her head. “You’re not useless.”

“I am,” she answered abruptly, controlling the desire she had to lose control of her emotions. “I've been, I've been trying for days… Trying, trying to… La, last a little longer…”

“Wait, days?” you asked amused, opening your eyes wide. “Are you telling me that every time you went down to the workshop it was to…?”

Donna just nodded nervously, hiding her embarrassment as best she could.

“Well, well, well…” you murmured, giving her a nudge. “I didn't expect that.”

“You're making fun of me,” the lady hissed, with a dark look, moving away.

“No, no, Donna,” you said hastily. “I'm not making fun of you, I'm just… I'm surprised.”

“Are you surprised because I masturbate to be able to please you?” she asked in an annoyed, offended manner. You nodded effusively.

“Yes, in fact I am,” you whispered, sighing romantically. “No one has ever done… Something like that for me.”

“Enough, stop laughing at me,” Donna said, furious, getting up from the chair, her breathing altered again. You got up too, waving your hands in a gesture of reassurance.

“Yes, I’m laughing at you,” you admitted cockily, crossing your arms. “Oh, Donna, don't worry. I'll enjoy it, I'm sure.”

“That's what you say now,” she growled, pushing away some wild hands that were pulling at her waist. “Then, you'll, you'll get tired and… You'll, you'll leave me.”

You, not wanting to continue another of her self-presenting monologues, silenced the brunette's fears with a quick, intense but short kiss, which made her blink in confusion.

“Donna… You're very sweet,” you whispered romantically, with an amused but sincere smile, returning the softness of her skin to your hands, caressing her cheek. “You don't have to do that for me, do you understand? I will always love you, I will always want you.”

“But, but…” the lady stammered, on the verge of tears.

“Shh,” you hissed, putting a finger on her lips, with a smile that slowly became seductive. “Do you know how to get rid of the fear of heights?”

Donna shook her head, nervous, but accepting your approach.

“Looking over a cliff…” you whispered in her ear, moving away slowly, taking her hand and leaving the workshop with her.

“Where are we going?” she asked confused, with her hand firmly in yours as your steps, increasingly slower, headed towards the bedroom.

“Let's get this over with,” you said in a velvety tone, opening the door, walking with a soft movement of your hips.

“(Y/N), I…” Donna hesitated, silenced again by one of your kisses.

“Come on, darling, look over the cliff. Donna, love me…” you whispered again, biting her earlobe, dragging her to the bed, on top of you, silencing her fears, her protests with hundreds of kisses, with hands that ran over her body.

Donna was unsure, hesitant and trembling, but, somehow, those caresses, those kisses that you never tired of giving her seemed to have their effect. She kissed you back, in a passionate way, following the rhythm marked by your incipient lust, the one that was stirred and altered by that vision in the workshop.

Your fingers took advantage of the distraction your kisses had on her, running down her dress until they found their prey, those buttons that remained her beautiful body hidden, depriving your eyes of a divine vision.

The brunette kissed you passionately, running over your body, fearful but determined to explore it, not to back down.

Her pale skin was exposed to you when you pushed aside that horrible black fabric, when the tips of your fingers felt the exquisiteness of her half-naked torso, forcing your lips to gasp on hers.

“Donna…” you whispered with a mischievous smile, making her look at you, her eye locking with yours as you guided her hand to the ties of your own dress, which, impatient and expectant, gave way to the skill of her slender fingers.

“Così bella…” she murmured, enthralled by your skin now free of clothing, by your bare shoulders serving as a prelude to the discovery of your body.

You laughed provocatively at those sweet words, those that always made you tremble, pulling down her dress, uncovering her shoulders, letting the fabric, also black, of her bra be your next victim.

“Don't stop kissing me, my love…” you murmured, capturing her lips again, sinking your hands into her soft black hair, drawing her body towards yours, your partially uncovered torsos rubbing together, your hips dancing slowly.

She complied with your request, not letting your lips rest, caressing her tongue with yours, wet, warm kisses, completely different from any other display of affection.

Your hands moved down her back, the clasp of her bra yielding to your fingers, eliciting a soft moan from Donna, one that made you writhe in pleasure. She moved to free herself from that annoying garment, letting your hands now travel to her almost perfect breasts, shiny, pale like her skin, beautiful like her.

The lady in black laughed at your curious touch, at some soft pinches on her nipples, daring to do the same, to mercilessly attack your bra and lower her kisses down your neck.

The panting became rhythmic, measured, matching the movements of your hands, your mouth, your fingers running over her skin, lowering the bottom of her dress little by little, and yours next to it.

“You have a beautiful body,” you commented, breathing after another round of tireless, inexhaustible, pleasurable kisses... She looked at you curiously, then looked at herself, shaking her head. “Well, I'm not surprised. You're a beautiful woman, Donna.”

“You're quite a nice talker,” she said, amused, running the palm of her hand over your breasts, studying every inch of your skin, sighing at the sensations her touch caused, how your flesh felt goosebumps with just the touch of her fingers.

“I'm being honest,” you joked, biting your lip, observing her face in love, a face curious about your body.

“Get, get naked, please,” she asked you in a softer, more pleading tone. You frowned but smiled mischievously, slowly pulling down the rest of your dress, playing with your underwear under her watchful gaze.

“What about you? Come on...” you joked, throwing your clothes in the air, running a hand over her hips, down her back, playing with your movements, noticing her arousal, one that you wanted to see free from its prison.

Donna hesitated again, embarrassed, but your soft kisses, your bright gaze seemed to convince her, moving aside those dark clothes to let you see the rest of her body, so you could admire her beauty, the one she tried so hard to hide.

“Not bad, huh?” you said, biting your lip, admiring her already released erection, the physical desire that showed how much Donna wanted to do that, how much not to feel capable of doing it hurt her. She shook her head, looking at herself and blushing.

“Don’t, don't look at it that way,” the brunette told you shyly, kissing you again so you would stop bothering her with your lascivious gaze.

“I like looking at it, it's nice,” you said in a seductive tone, savoring your words, those that you knew made her more nervous.

“No one had ever said something like that to me, it's embarrassing,” Donna said, laughing shyly.

 She positioned herself better, brushing your now discovered wetness, caressing your folds with curiosity, but strangely, skillfully, knowing what to touch, what to massage….

“Donna…” you moaned when her stimulation made you tremble, when the pleasure of her fingers brushed your clit, exploring your wetness, caressing it as if it were something fragile, beautiful. “That, that's… Great.”

She smiled pleased by your approval, but with a sad face. Yes, you should have known, she wasn't always like this, she knew what she had to do to your body to make it tremble with pleasure.

But you weren't the protagonist. You weren't the one who had to lose your fear. No, that was for Donna, only for Donna.

With a playful laugh, you reached between her legs, unexpectedly grabbing her shaft, stimulating it with gentle caresses, holding it with your fingers, gently moving up and down, positioning it at your entrance.

“Come on, baby, love me…” you whispered, moving your hips so her erection brushed against your wetness, so your entrance received those caresses. The brunette moaned at the contact, closing her eye at that newly discovered pleasure.

Donna nodded, moving to make her way into your body, slowly penetrating you, enjoying every moment of that sensation, the wet journey of her penis inside of you, the welcoming embrace of your wet walls, stretching slowly.

You moaned, surprised by the sensation, overwhelmed by that pleasure you desired and now had.

“Si… si sente così… Bene…” the doll maker stammered, moving very slowly, letting your body receive her, embrace her, experience the unparalleled pleasure of that first time. “Does… Does it hurt?”

You opened your eyes, getting used to that sensation, with the pleasure running through your body, sending electric currents through your nervous system.

“No, of course it doesn’t…” you said smiling, caressing her cheek, enjoying her erratic gaze, disoriented by the pleasure. “But it’s… Quite big…”

“Don't say that, per favore,” she said nervously, looking away, stopping moving, unsure of the shame your lascivious words caused her.

“Okay,” you said, calming the ferocity of your desire, moving your hands to her waist, moving her slowly to resume the pleasure of her body inside of yours. “Move, Donna.”

She nodded nervously, dancing slowly with her hips, moaning at each slow thrust, at how your body caressed her, surrounded her and squeezed her tightly, giving her even more pleasure.

“I, I would have liked to hurt you…” she murmured, now with a constant rhythm, making you stop moaning, opening your eyes with a frown. “So… I would know that… You are only mine…”

You knew she was letting herself get carried away by the pleasure, in fact, you found that brief burst of possessiveness quite erotic, forcing your hips to keep pace with hers, to move a bit faster, just a bit, without losing that warm and soft rhythm.

“Donna, keep going, keep going…” you moaned, losing control too, nervously shaking at her moans, at that shy voice that came out of her lips, at those words that you didn’t understand, but you knew that they only were worshiping your body.

“Wait, wait,” she said suddenly, slowly pulling out of you, shaking her head. You looked at her frustrated at the loss of the path to your release, thinking that, surely, hers was also embarrassingly close.

“Hey, baby, if you're going to cum, do it, it's okay. Don't hold back,” you said with a voice filled with lust, but with the softness that the situation required.

“No, it's not that, I... I want, I want you to... Turn around, please,” Donna asked you, embarrassed. You smiled, seeing that she had finally lost her fear. It would be better not to tell her that it always was your favorite position.

“Mm, okay,” you purred, kissing her quickly and turning yourself onto your stomach while she raised your hips, not wanting to waste time, entering you again, moving your body with her hands.

“Oh, yes... Just like that...” she moaned, thrusting into you in that same slow way, but now more intense, letting you feel her completely, letting her slide, stretching your walls from that different angle. “You are, you are mine, tesoro…”

“I’m yours,” you moaned, gripping the sheets, noticing how your body was shaking worse. Donna moaned again when she heard you, moving faster.

“I, I'm sorry…I, I can't hold it any longer… I'm… I'm going to…” she said nervously, unable to let your hips go, digging her nails into your skin.

“Please… Do it…” you moaned, with a sweet voice, broken by a familiar feeling, by those little tremors in your legs and the desire your muscles had to tense. “Donna… I'm going… I'm going to… Ah!”

You couldn't help it. Your back arched, your walls tightened around her as your orgasm ran through your body.

“Oh…” Donna moaned, overcome by that sensation, releasing herself almost at the same time, inside of you, filling you, claiming you, caressing you with a wet touch, with her warmth seed, stimulating your lust even more. “Cazzo…”

Silence reigned in the room only interrupted by a few nervous breaths, some that tried to recover the air that was missing.

“Donna, come,” you said in a whisper, turning around when she left you, pulling her hand to accompany you to the side of the bed, hugging her with your still trembling hands.

“I, I told you I wouldn't last enough…” she said in a sad voice, snuggling into your chest, embarrassed. You couldn't help but laugh. “(Y/N)…” she whispered annoyed.

“Nonsense Donna, it's been wonderful. You are wonderful.”

[sohotthateveryonedied]

Do you think Wally and Artemis settled for each other? They both seemed interested in M’gann and Conner until they found out those two were dating - makes it seem like they were each other’s second choices if they only got together because they realised that they couldn’t date their crushes

No, I wouldn't say that at all. Actually, I fully believe that if Wally or Artemis had had a chance with M'gann or Conner, it wouldn't have worked out anyway, and I'm not sure that either of them would have expected it to. You know when you walk into the first day of school and you go around deciding who your crush is going to be for the year? That's how I interpreted their crushes on M'gann and Conner. It wasn't serious, and very clearly wasn't reciprocated by either of them, which is exactly why Wally and Artemis chose to pursue them because it ran no real risk of being fulfilled.

In Wally's case, we watched him spend the entire first season flirting with practically every single woman he came into contact with, regardless of their age/availability/lack of interest in him. Wally's flirtatious behavior wasn't out of genuine attraction or any expectation of his advances being accepted, but was rather a habit he'd developed as a method of covering up his own insecurities. We know Wally was impulsive and often immature, and he played that persona up purposefully throughout the entire first season. He encouraged people to view him as the flirt and the class clown because it was easier than letting them in on his true feelings. Wally lacked confidence in himself and felt constantly overshadowed by everyone around him, hence him taking on the role of the easygoing jokester in the group so everyone would be too distracted to notice how insecure he really was. It's literally said in the show multiple times that a big part of Wally's personality is his denial in anything he doesn't want to confront.

Wally's crush on M'gann, just like his thing for Black Canary and every other woman he meets, is just a front for him. The only reason M'gann was the main target for his flirting was because she was the only girl on the team for a while, and because she was nice enough to not have a real problem with it or tell him to stop. She never took it seriously, and I don't think Wally wanted her to. If M'gann and Conner had never gotten together, that wouldn't have given Wally any more of a chance with her because his "feelings" for M'gann were more of a habit he'd developed than any kind of genuine romantic feelings. (Not to suggest that they aren't close and don't love each other as friends, because they definitely do, but that's as far as it goes.) Wally's crush on M'gann was all about Wally putting up a facade to cover up his inner insecurities and had very little to do with M'gann herself.

In that same vein, Artemis' crush on Conner was never fully about Conner, but more about Artemis' own (surprise, surprise) insecurities during her first few months on the team. When Artemis first encountered the team, it was because she saw Superboy get smashed through a window in the fight against Amazo and followed him to discover the rest of the team. That was Artemis' first interaction with them, being led in by her "white rabbit," so from the beginning she had a connection with Conner in particular. She viewed the encounter as her way out of her old life and into her new one as a proper hero.

Like Wally, Artemis spent the entire first season covering up her real self with a "badass cool girl"-type persona, both to hide the secret about who she really was, and to keep the others from getting a whiff of how insecure she felt about her place on the team. These are teenagers we're talking about, after all. Everything is about convincing the people around you that you belong. During Artemis' very first mission with the team, she came off as brash and overly confident, and she purposely made a remark about Conner's attractiveness through the mind link where everybody could hear it. She wanted them to see the connection she'd made, as if it would cement her place as part of the group. She and Wally have the exact same coping mechanisms, and Artemis spends all that time criticizing Wally for it without realizing that she has been doing the same thing to Conner that he does to M'gann.

It's also made clear to the audience even before Conner and M'gann are established as a couple that Wally and Artemis had developed feelings for each other that were stronger than their crushes on M'gann and Conner. The obvious example would be in "Bereft" when Wally and Artemis had chemistry and showed genuine attraction to each other straight from the get-go once they didn't have the baggage of their old memories forcing them to hide behind their respective personas. When they met M'gann, Wally didn't show an ounce of interest in her until he'd regained his memories and began to act accordingly again. Then "Failsafe" happened, and Wally revealed how deeply he cared for Artemis after her death, becoming more fixated on saving her over anyone else who had been killed. Artemis showed signs of attraction towards Wally early on as well, as shown in her reactions to Wally flirting with M'gann in "Denial," and her jealousy when M'gann kissed Wally on his birthday. In the comics, she even got back at Wally for flirting with M'gann by asking out Conner right in front of him:

And a good amount of these incidents happened before either of them knew about M'gann and Conner becoming a couple; the ball was already rolling whether their crushes were available or not.

Tldr; Wally and Artemis would have ended up together whether M'gann and Conner stayed single or not because the "crushes" they had on both of them were never that deep in the first place

[animeyanderelover]

Can I get another round with Yandere Merlin,Diane and Elisabeth, Derieri and Melascula with a human darling. Only this time the darling is a member of the sins being the eighth son of melancholy so unlike other humans he's actually very strong instead of being helpless.

I was trying to think of a fitting animal to represent melancholy and came up with a donkey... If you've watched Winnie Pooh you know exactly why.

Tw: Yandere themes, possessive behavior, obsession, delusional mindset, clinginess, manipulation, isolation

Donkey's Sin of Melancholy

Elizabeth Liones

👼​Elizabeth as a person has always cared for the people around her even if they were her enemies and this nurturing nature is amplified in her obsession. The princess wants her darling to be happy physically and mentally so having you being the embodiment of melancholy only stokes the flames of obsession within her. You're always draped in thick sheets of unexplainable sadness and sorrow and even you can't give her a reason to why you're always feeling so dejected which only encourages her obsession to make a fuss over you. Since there is no real problem for your feelings she has no way to approach the problem and help you with your gloomy emotions. Other sins like Ban tell her that she shouldn't fret so much over you since this is how you have always been yet Elizabeth strongly objects. She doesn't want you to dwell all the time in such dark emotions as she yearns to see you leaving that grim place your mind always seems to stay in. She swears to herself that she will make you happy and that she will free you from your own thoughts.

👼​That wish of her is going to push her to be overbearing sooner or later depending on whether we're considering her before she regained her memories or after she regained her memories. Elizabeth before remembering who she really is would be quick to coddle you, clinging to you all the time and doing everything to make you smile and make you happy. She's insecure, knows that you are very strong as a part of the eight sins whilst she isn't yet she still strives to be helpful to you somehow. If that can't be on the battlefield then it will be emotionally and because she is so eager about assisting you even if you deny her help more than once that can quickly turn into her being a tad bit too attentive and overbearing. If we're talking about Elizabeth as a goddess she would approach you more thoughtfully, emotionally more prepared to read your current mood and attempt to cheer you up from there. She's more subtle with everything she does but upon recalling her memories she has also learnt how to use her abilities again which means that she might use her empathic powers in an attempt to influence your emotions.

Diane

🐍​Growing up Diane has made acquaintance with loneliness, a terrible feeling that she has over the years learnt to utterly despise. She doesn't want to be alone anymore which is one of the major reasons why she ends up as clingy as she does when she falls in love with you. You have never once made any comments about her height nor her clinginess though, maybe because you are often elsewhere with your mind and your thoughts yet it is the fact that you don't speak up about it that ends up encouraging her tendencies to escalate. She thinks that your quietness and thoughtfulness are very attractive and only add to your coolness. Her feelings have never been a secret to the other sins because she can barely hold back the red blush on her face as soon as she sees you and instantly starts twirling her hair around with her fingers, trying to make herself look cuter so that she might be able to make your heart skip as much as you always make her heart skip.

🐍​It is your reserved personality that still makes her most jealous though. Even though she is definitely on a delusional side she knows that you tend to avoid conflict and never disagree even when someone asks you to do something that you don't really want to do. This is where she takes it upon herself to act like the protective wife and speak up for you instead even if she never asks you for your real opinion on the topic. Additionally her already quite bad jealousy only increases because she knows that you are not the most social person out there and prefer spending time in your own head rather than with the people around you which makes every slice of attention you give others so much more special and by extension even worse. Why did you pay attention to that person and not to her just now? It's such thoughts that only add to her pushy clinginess as she wants to hoard all of your attention as soon as you snap out of the place in your mind you find yourself stuck in on days. As your future wife she should after all be the one person you may most attention to.

Merlin

🐗​Merlin's interest in knowledge, science and everything she doesn't know of is an unquenchable thirst that has led her to suspend her own age so that she may have all the time in the world to learn everything she desires to know. Often refered to as a mysterious woman since no one can truly tell what she is really after it is perhaps no surprise that the woman shrouded in mystery takes an interest in the other sin who is often just as hard to understand as you. Despite being a normal human you possess strength that has allowed to join the ranks of the sins and it is your personality that only adds to her interest as you are not very talkative nor do you spend much time with others. If Merlin takes interest in something she is going to pursue it even if she has to use more underhanded methods yet her ambigious morality has never truly been something that has bothered her. She knows what she is doing yet she prioritises her own interest above any laws or morality that others may criticise her for.

🐗​She uses the information she has to her own advantage and attempts to manipulate you so that she can spend more time with you. Her laboratory is a place where people rarely enter, mainly because she uses spells to keep people out and it is a place you find yourself often coaxed into with the promise of receiving your peace in there without being surrounded by the other sins whose personalities can be a bit exhausting for you at times. Whilst she keeps up the polite and kind facade around you her eyes are constantly observing you and note every twitch of your muscles when she makes some smalltalk with you whilst subtly attempting to understand you and the way your mind works better. Sometimes your gaze meets her for a short moment before you retreat to the place in your mind she has yet to understand and when this happens she wonders slightly amused if you perhaps have caught on to what she is doing yet have decided to ignore the topic in favor of avoiding a confrontation and continue your current lifestyle.

Derieri

🔶Whilst Derieri is a demon who has never really respected humans and feasts on the souls of your kind she will begrudgingly give you some respect after she has clashed with you on a battlefield. You are not just a puny human who she could easily squash under her feet, you have experience when it comes to fighting and possess abilities strong and respected enough to let you be a part of the sins despite only being a human. She keeps such thoughts to herself though as she would never want to admit that she holds secretly such respect for you. The both of you have most of your encounters whilst fighting each other since her kind is considered the enemy and she gets very aggressive when she sees you and instantly assaults you. Partially because she absolutely despises the way you make her feel and the nonchalant behavior you keep up even whilst fighting for your own life. Another part of her though can't contain the excitement pumping through her veins every time she sees you as she finds herself enjoying the thrill of clashing with you, her seven hearts beating wildly inside her body whenever your bodies get close to each other.

🔶The more her feelings grow the more aggressive she finds herself getting when fighting with you as her hatred as well as her excitement only get stronger as a result of her growing obsession. Derieri finds herself in desperate need to know what you really think of her kind and if you share the same thoughts as most other humans have about her own kind. She doesn't want to get her hopes up yet a part of her can't help but think that perhaps you will be different. After all you are quite different from other humans with a thought process that she can't even comprehend and it partially frustrates her about you. Having clashed with you multiple times during fights and having witnessed your strength with her own eyes though her frustration only continues to grow as she realises that you are truly not an easy person she could simply get her hands on. For a mere human you possess an annoying amount of strength that she may enjoy during fights yet that also means that she won't be able to just easily take you even if she desires to do so. Intentionally or not, everything about you seems to be something that she adores yet finds frustrating at the same time.

Melascula

🌫️​Melascula's experience is going to be even worse than Derieri's is and this demoness handles it even worse. Whilst Derieri will simply brood and lash out if someone mentions you Melascula needs no such direct trigger to have an outburst. She refuses to acknowledge you and respect you despite having seen your powers on display and doesn't want to accept the growing feelings she has whilst thinking about you. She would accept every other excuse that could help her to deny her growing feelings for you and in such frenzy attempts to convince herself and everyone around her that her feelings aren't real she turns into a conspiracy theorist. You bewitched her somehow and maybe Merlin helped you by putting a spell on her because her obsession for you can't be something that was born out of her own feelings she secretly harbors for you. She experienes constantly short and frenzied meltdowns as soon as something even vaguely reminds her of you to the point where the rest of the Ten Commandments starts to leave her alone as no one of them wants to be the next victim of her ridiculous rage.

🌫️​Everything you embody she tries to ridicule all in an attempt to deny her own feelings, in distraught hopes that her attraction may disappear if she were to just remind herself enough that no power you possess will change the fact that you belong to the weakest and most useless race on this planet. Her twisted feelings are always revealed though as soon as she's around you, her dark eyes observing you and her body language almost lecherous as fighting against you only fawns the inferno of obsession within her. She wants to be adored and worshipped by you yet your attitude which is only utterly disrespectful in her eyes only enrages her further. Just because you are a little bit more powerful than the normal human doesn't mean that you can just casually disrespect her! You just wait until she gets her hands on you sooner or later. She will properly educate you on how to treat a sublime woman like she is with the respect and the worship she deserves all whilst keeping you by her side like a human pet.

[elasticitymudflap]

god, okay. fuck. i hate to say that i really underatand where simon's coming from, like, with his misunderstanding of betty and their relationship. because, well, autism. he's obviously used to being alone and people thinking he's stupid and weird, and is just very passive in his approach to other people in general. i know that feeling. it's a barrier you build around yourself to get through a world that refuses to understand you, and by this point you're so used to getting burned from making social missteps that you eventually stop trying to vocalize your own feelings and desires, so you're perpetually waiting for the other person to make the first move so you can follow:

'this cool girl i met has read my work and is really into it, she's so smart and even sees things in it that i missed! and she really wants to come with me on this next expedition? oh wow, okay, great! i mean, she's so excited about it she basically dropped her own plans and invited herself along, so this is clearly something she really wants to do! who would i be to deny her that?'

'and wow is she ever great! on our expedition together she always knows how to handle obstacles, she doesn't even need my help! i really should be following her lead, she really knows what she's doing so much better than me! i'm so glad she wanted to be here and help me!'

'i can't believe we found the enchiridion together! but she doesn't want to come along with me and take credit for its discovery? even though she helped me out so much and is so incredible and i really really like her- wait!! i shouldn't say that last part!! that would be really weird!! i don't want to make things weird!! she had a good time, and since all of this was her choice i won't try to stop her or make her feel bad or do something she doesn't want to. best to keep it professional.'

'oh hey! she left a note for me in that book i was going to check out, god she's so funny-wait. oh my god, SHE thinks we had something special too??! she says she's going on that trip, but she wishes she could travel the world with me??! she even gave me her address so i can come find her??! okay, mesage received, I GOTTA GO TALK TO HER!!!'

'uh oh, i don't know what to say to her, i obviously said the wrong thing just now and she thinks i don't feel the same way. i know she feels embarassed about the letter. i'll tell her letter was great!! it was incredible!! i want her to know that i want exactly what she wants, and that i feel the same way about her, i'll even say it to her the same way she did!!'

all i'm saying is... from somebody of This specific perspective, i can totally see why he didn't question her not getting on the bus, dropping everything to come with him, and all of her other desicions she made in ooo:

'okay i'm FINALLY going to apologize to betty for how the crown made me scare her away 1000 years ago! wait, hang on, she seems really confused that i'm saying goodbye to her?'

'oh no, we're running out of time but she feels really bad about the fact that she left me!! no, it's okay!! i want you to know that love you, and i forgive you for leaving me!! please don't feel bad about it!!'

to him, betty is unquestionably strong, competent, capable, and confident in everything she does. if she didn't want to do something she simply wouldn't do it, much the same way that he knows she would move heaven and earth if she wanted to make something happen; and who would he be if he didn't give her the chance to let her try? he simply doesn't PERCIEVE her to be insecure, overly self sacrificing, and in need of him to be a lot less passive about her choices, the way that someone from the outside looking in obviously can.

autism4autism couple my FUCKING beloved.

[danikamariewrites]

Guilt

Eris x reader

A/n: @thehighladywrites and I were talking about brat tamer!Eris and she gave me this idea; reader overhears someone saying she’s not good enough for eris or they criticize her hard so she becomes insecure and completely changes herself. Eris sees what’s going on and confronts her about it bc she isn’t his usual princess 😭 so please enjoy more Eris and brat!reader 💕

Warnings: angst to fluff, brat reader, slight ddlg

Today was going to be brutal and boring. Eris had asked you to mingle with court ladies today. He knew it was a big ask but he promised you a big reward. So you let your handmaidens dress you in your finery, pin up your hair, and do your makeup.

You hated what you looked like when you had to be done up for small events like this. It was like you had no control over your life for a few hours. Like you were a party trick for the court to enjoy. But this is the life you chose when you and Eris accepted the bond. And you wouldn’t have it any other way.

Approaching the room where you’d be entertaining guests you let out huff you roll your neck. You can do this, you tell yourself. When you’re done Eris will be so proud of you and you’ll have all of his attention tonight. Before you grace your guests with your presence you pause to listen to the ladies’ conversation.

Lillian’s voice makes you freeze. You had hoped she wouldn’t be here today, Eris knows she makes you uncomfortable.

Lillian loves sticking her nose into everyone’s business – including yourself and Eris’s – though he does everything in his power to shut her down. She’s never respected your mating bond or relationship with Eris in general. You heard from the other ladies who despised her that Lillian was hoping her mother and father would buy her way to marrying Eris. How pathetic. Part of you almost felt sorry for her, but then she opens her mouth and any sympathy for that female goes out the window.

“How can you all sit here and respect y/n as our High Lady? I don’t think she treats Eris like a male of his stature and title should be treated.” You heard Dela’s voice next, “Lillian, hush. Just because you’re jealous doesn’t mean you have to be crude.” You like Dela, you consider her a friend and she’s someone you’d like to get closer with.

“All I’m saying is that she doesn’t care for him and he takes care of everything for her. It seems like it’s a one way relationship. How can Eris be High Lord when taking care of his precious mate is a full time job?” Lillian says condescendingly. Dela scoffs and you hear her sip on her drink, ignoring the rest of Lillian’s chattering.

You press your back into the cool stone wall, taking deep breaths. You could lose your mind later. Right now you need to keep the raging thoughts of your insecurities being spoken out loud by that wretched female at bay and plaster a smile on your face to do your duties as High Lady. It was going to suck and part of you feels like it’s dying inside but you can get through it.

Taking one last deep breath you hold your head high, push your shoulders back, and lower your mask of elegant High Lady. Entering the room you put a fake smile on your face to greet your guests.

—

Sitting at dinner with Eris that night you felt sick to your stomach. Like your life was a lie and that you had to stop playing whatever game has been going on with the two of you. You hate to admit it, but Lillian was right. Eris can’t take care of you forever. You’d have to make changes. It would be hard but you could do it for Eris.

You dimmed your side of the bond to make sure you weren’t projecting your emotions down the bond. If Eris noticed he was doing a good job at hiding it.

Good. You wouldn’t want to talk about it anyway.

—

When it came time for bed you and Eris always got ready together so he could do everything for you. Tonight you had done things yourself. You even wore your own sleep clothes instead of one of Eris’s shirts. Eris really started to worry when you didn’t call him by his nickname when you said goodnight to each other.

Eris was restless, tossing and turning as his mind raced as to why you were acting this way.

In the morning Eris thought it was odd when you got up with him. You got ready and headed straight for your study without having breakfast. Odd, Eris thought. You either sleep in or have breakfast together. He wants to give you your space but his mate and fae instincts were screaming at him to go to you, to comfort you.

You would come to him, right? You were always vocal about any issues you had. Eris kept reminding himself of that throughout the day but the sentiment did nothing to ease his anxiety.

A little after noon Eris threw his pen down on the desk and ran his fingers through his short fiery locks for the thousandth time. He spun his chair to look out the window at the garden where you would usually have lunch. But you weren’t there. His heart started racing out of panic. Were you ill? Or just not in the mood for nature today?

A small knock on his office door snapped him from his thoughts. “Come in.” Eris expected an advisor or messenger, not you. Not that he was unhappy to see you. He smiled at you as you made your way over to him. You returned the smile with a small tight lipped one of your own.

Eris frowned at that, and the lack of eye contact. You kept your gaze down as you set a stack of files on his desk. “What’s this little fox?” He asks cheerfully. “Paperwork I wanted to help you catch up on. Just small stuff like correspondence with other courts, imports and exports, and notices from a few farms.”

You clasped your hands behind your back still avoiding eye contact with your mate. “Thank you.” He breathed out as shock took over his body. Eris was grateful you did this even though you knew you never had to work if you didn’t want to. He never wanted you to feel like you had to lift a finger, always wanting to treat you like the princess you are.

You were scaring him a little.

You turn to leave but Eris was quick to get up and lightly grasp your wrist. “Y/n wait,” you look up at Eris with sad, unsure eyes.

What happened? Why do you look so sad? It was breaking his heart.

“Little fox, what’s wrong?” You bit your lip like you were about to cry. Your dampener on the bond giving out and your emotions poured into him. Eris clutched at his chest with his free hand as he felt every single one of your thoughts.

Closing your eyes you let a few tears escape down your cheeks. Eris scooped you up into his arms to rush you back to your rooms. Forget work and court duties and all the other bullshit. Something was seriously wrong and Eris needed to figure it out now.

Kicking the door shut with his foot Eris hurried over to the bed, setting you down as a sob wracked your body. He tried to let go of you to hold your face. You clutched his shirt tighter to keep him against you. Eris wrapped his arms around you, rubbing a hand up and down your back slowly.

“Come on, take a deep breath. It’s gonna be alright little fox, I’m here.” He whispers. You calm down enough that your grip loosens on him so he can look at you. Eris holds your face in his hands using his thumbs to wipe away your tears on your rosy cheeks. “Please tell me what’s going on little fox, you’re scaring me.” He pleads with you.

Taking a few more deep breaths you launch into the story of what happened yesterday with Lillian, how you thought she was right, how insecure you were at times and how you felt like a burden to Eris by doing the bare minimum. Then you went into how you felt like you needed to change so he would keep you. Because if Eris left you, you would be lost in this world.

“You are and always will be the most precious thing to me little fox.” He said, pulling you back to his chest. “I love you just the way you are. I’m your mate, I’m supposed to take care of you the way you deserve to be taken care of. And you take care of me too y/n. Do not listen to her sweet girl, Lillian has nothing better to do than talk about others who are doing far better than her.”

You laugh a little at that. Slipping out of Eris’s lap you scoot up the bed to sit against the pillows, pulling your knees to your chest. You play with a thread on the duvet, sniffing every once in a while. “So you don’t want me to change?” You ask sheepishly. “Never little fox. Please never change.” You nod, not confident that your voice wouldn’t break.

“Can I still have my reward daddy?” Eris holds your chin between his thumb and forefinger, bringing his lips to yours in a slow kiss. “Of course you can. I’m going to spoil you rotten this weekend. Starting tomorrow it’ll be just me and you, no work.” You could cry all over again at that. “Perfect.” You mumble against his lips as you kiss him again.

Eris reluctantly pulls away from you. “Why don’t you relax for the rest of the day. I’ll have someone bring you lunch since you haven’t eaten yet and we can’t have you going hungry.” You give him a pout accompanied by your doe eyed stare. “Can I just sit with you while you work?” You wrap your arms around his middle, burying your face in his chest. “I feel like I’ve been away from you forever and I need you daddy.”

Eris could never deny you, especially when you just wanted to cling to him. “Of course little fox. You can always stay with me.” He picked you up again to carry you back to his office. Eris vowed that he would always make sure you never questioned your relationship or how loved you are with him. He would do everything to make sure you never shed a tear over something as silly as Lillian’s gossip ever again.

[juceynightmare]

dating 101 (18+) part 27 - cody rhodes x reader

my masterlist

dating 101 (18+) masterlist

pairing(s): cody rhodes x fem!reader, roman reigns x fem!reader, austin theory x fem!reader

warning(s): swearing, jealous!cody

genre(s): college!au, slow burn, fluff, angst

|| previous part || next part ||

she woke up with a groan. the sound of her alarm blaring from her phone becoming increasingly annoying with every millisecond that passed. she reached for her phone beside her head, opening her eyes to stop the alarm as she sat up in her bed. austin stirred from the bed on the floor, and she watched as he turned on to lay on his back before he continued to snore softly.

she pushed her blanket off of her, getting out of bed and carefully stepping over austin so she could make it over to her desk. y/n pulled out her toiletry bag, her keys, and made her way to her door. y/n pulled her door open slightly - just enough for her to slip out of the room without too much light seeping in.

with her head pounding, she made her way to the bathroom to find that cody was already in there.

“morning, cody.” she mumbled, taking up the space at the sink besides where cody was already standing.

cody looked over the girl, his gaze transfixed to where the girl’s crop top ended and left her midsection on display. his initials were beginning to scar over, and cody wanted nothing more than to reach out and trace his fingers over them. he felt pride in the fact that the girl didn’t hide the fact that he had branded her, especially knowing that the mystery man was most likely still in that room. “morning, y/n.” he greeted after he spit out his toothpaste, turning on the tap and washing off his toothbrush.

they stood in silence for a moment as cody washed out his mouth with his mouthwash and y/n began to brush her teeth. y/n stared at herself in the mirror as she thought back to the events of the night before.

it was a much needed reunion for her and austin. their night was full of giggles, bad singing and rapping, and them doordashing mcdonalds and eating to their hearts’ content before calling it a night. and although austin had told her to cool it on the deep talks, of course y/n still brought it up. and she could now happily say that she’s made up her mind and her heart.

“so, i uh happened to overhear your friend before he went in.” cody began, clearing his throat as he put away his stuff into his own bag. he caught y/n’s gaze in the mirror, noting that the girl had seemed lost in thought before he caught her attention again. “you were crying?” he asked as he walked over to her, already reaching into her bag for a hair tie.

cody felt a little awkward as he began to tie her hair up. although the girl had requested that he didn’t change the way he had treated her from before they started sleeping together, cody couldn’t help but overthink about what would be overstepping. it took everything in him to not wrap his arms around her waist and pull her back against him after he finished tying her hair, but cody forced himself to take a step back.

“uh, yeah.” y/n replied after spitting out her toothpaste and washing her toothbrush. “very stressful day yesterday. so i called austin and he drove up and we drank.” she continued, catching cody’s gaze. she watched as he reached for her mouthwash, pouring some into the cap before holding it out for her to take.

“you drank?” cody asked, and suddenly he could feel chills run down his spine. “with austin?” he continued.

cody figures this is what it felt like to be insecure. he remembers austin as being the man in the group chat who had told y/n that he would bend her over and put the plan b to use. he also remembers as austin being that man that y/n said had been trying to get in her pants since forever. clearly y/n and austin were close, with y/n being so upset that she needed a friend to be there with her and austin being the first to come to her mind because she didn’t want to reach out to him and ted.

he could feel the way his heart seemed to physically drop in his chest, and cody became hyperaware of how slow his heart began to beat. he hadn’t noticed that he was frowning, or that y/n had turned to face him until he felt her hands against his cheeks.

“jealousy is a good look on you, codes.” y/n mused softly in a teasing manner, exactly how she had once told him so long ago. she pressed her thumbs pressing against the corners of cody’s mouth as she pushed them upwards.

cody’s hands immediately found their place on her hips and he relaxed against her touch. that was one way to ease a man’s nerves, he thought to himself with a smile.

“just a little jealous.” cody admitted, watching as y/n chuckled and turned back around in his grasp to face the mirror again. she reached for her skincare as cody let his hands fall from her hips, stepping off to the side and leaning against the counter.

“to answer your questions: yes i drank and yes, specifically with austin. i needed a little pick me up and honestly, being reunited with him was something i didn’t know i needed so badly.” she sighed, a small smile on her face as she began her skincare routine.

cody hummed in acknowledgement. although her actions had made him feel a little better, cody could still feel as though he was about to break down and cry yet again. he wanted to be there for y/n in the way austin was, but cody understood why she couldn’t come to him or ted.

as he watched her go through her skincare routine, cody could only imagine what else happened in that room. he knew how y/n was when she was drunk - but the fact that she wasn’t throwing up the contents of her stomach right now were enough to reassure cody that she didn’t get completely shitfaced. cody also only knew the surface of y/n and austin’s relationship, he had no idea if she was as touchy with him as she was with him and ted.

that fact was enough for cody to want to leave just a few more marks of his name etched into her skin - for good measure, of course. then, another thought hit him. "did you two sleep in the same bed?" he asked.

jealousy made cody feel ugly. he hated the way he felt at the thought of y/n in bed with another man, and even now when he thinks about how she'd nap with ted, cody could feel himself getting angry. before cody could continue to wallow in his anger and sadness, y/n spoke up, "no. he brought an air mattress."

cody visibly relaxed and he let out a breath that he wasn't aware he was holding in.

in the next moment, austin walked into the bathroom, slightly stumbling on his own two feet. “morning.” he hummed in greeting, walking over and wrapping his arm around y/n’s waist as he pressed a kiss to the side of her head - careful of her skin.

cody tore his gaze away from them, swallowing back the envy that had balled up in his throat.

“morning austin.” she greeted with a smile, catching austin’s gaze in the reflection. “oh, this is cody by the way.” she introduced cody to austin. “cody, this is austin. my step-brother.”

it was then that cody’s gaze snapped back to where her and austin stood. y/n knew it was unnecessary to introduce austin as her step-brother, after all, their parents had yet to tie the knot. but when she saw the confidence and hope reignite in cody’s gaze, she knew that it was the right choice.

“disgusting.” austin groaned, unwrapping his arm from around her waist. “they’re not married yet, baby. please don’t remind me that we’re going to be related.” he huffed, walking past her. as he passed by cody, he gave the man a fistbump in greeting before walking into a stall.

“but didn’t you say that he’s been trying to get at -“ cody began, his brows furrowed in confusion.

“we missed the timing.” y/n answered quickly, her cheeks burning up in embarrassment. “our parents got together in middle school when we used to actually have crushes on each other. it sorta just faded into this dynamic where austin suggests we fuck like those step-siblings in porn.” she laughed.

the sound of the toilet flushing was followed by austin emerging from the stall. “all i’m saying is, if there’s a washing machine - you better hope you get there before me, cody.” he joked with a laugh as he walked up to a sink and began to wash his hands. however, even cody could tell that there was some truth under his words.

cody’s gaze flickered between the two of them as y/n went back to finishing her skincare routine. he suddenly felt a semi-wet hand tap his shoulder and cody turned his head to give austin his full attention. his eyes widened in shock as austin whispered in his ear, his gaze still fixed on the man even as he laughed and left the restroom to retreat back to y/n’s.

“what’d he say?” y/n asked after austin left the room, clearly having watched the exchange between the two men in the mirror.

cody could only turn back to face y/n with a wide smile, taking a step towards her and wrapping his arm around her waist. he rubbed his thumb over his initials on carved into her hip, hearing the way her breath hitched in her throat and she quickly met his gaze in the reflection.

“don’t worry your silly little head, sweetheart.” he mused, watching the way her blush on her cheeks had deepened.

she turned her head so she could look up at him instead, a wide smile on her face. she reached up to cup his face in her hand, feeling him press against her hand gently. she figures whatever austin told cody was enough for him to stop acting so cautious around her. she was thankful for that, after all, she was beginning to miss cody’s touch and the way he’d look at her with hopeful eyes instead if the sad ones that had adorned his face since the previous day.

“yeah?” she whispered, figuring that she didn’t need to say much else.

“yeah.” cody affirmed with a hum, feeling her thumb run across her cheekbone before she pulled her hand away from his face.

the original plan was to finally get her to realize that i’m the best guy there is for her. but with the way she talked about you last night and has been talking about you since she’s met you, i already know her heart’s made a decision. don’t make me regret giving her up to you.

|| next part ||

taglist: @iluvthebloodline , @marissaboo-2015 , @vebner37 , @jeyusos-girl , @madqueenpartna, @alyyaanna @banksreigns @crossrhodez @goldenfoxe @bonehead-playz, @vyxio, @codyswhitebelt, @legit9thlunaticwarrior, @queencherryberry, @totired4this

[kerubimcrepin]

Wakfu Season 3, Episodes 1-6

//tw mentions of SA

Episode 1 - Fallen Heroes

I had a very long discussion with a friend of mine, who is a fan of medical settings, about how cool the existence of IV within the lore of Krosmoz is.

We didn't come to any conclusion. It was just us fanboying about this. Because my friend loves medical things and I love putting character into situations (some of which would not be survivable, if them being put on IV wasn't possible) (big fan of the concept of Joris getting poisoned and very sick and Kerubim and Atcham freaking the fuck out).

Funnily enough, during the making of my YouTube series, I discovered that there are two Sram-venerating women named Toxine in this franchise.

Adamai harbouring feelings of violence towards the members of the brotherhood is a good idea, (<- obviously the guy that wants Joris to beat the shit out of Kerubim would say this), but man, it could have been so cool if someone competent was working with this idea.

Episode 3 - Oropo's Tower

I should admit, this moment was probably a big win for Tristepin Mental Illness fans. Also, this is sadly the most explicit they can get with the reasons why Tristepin might hate being the Iop god in a cartoon.

He has plenty of reasons. Not only had Iop had 394824 demigods who hated him and felt abandoned by him while suffering fates worse than death (all gods have those) and just as many mortals he took advantage of using the power imbalance of godhood and promises of love (all gods have done that), he also canonically sexually assaulted a woman.

Ngl, if I was Tristepin, I would be considering killing myself — however, the kids and the wife would be sad.

They shuoild do this to Yugo too. He also had other wives. Albeit in an infinitely less insane way than Tristepin. Ankama.., please stop ignoring how existentially horrifying the Eliatrope demigods are.

In the Dofus MMO Kerubim pretty much calls the brotherhood of the forgotten an emo club of people with too much free time on their hands doing nothing but whining about their daddy issues.

And he was so real for that.

Btw canonically, Mishelle/Coqueline makes him feel intimidated (due to her grand age) while she herself doesn't really care about him (besides liking his good attitude towards animals), and is actually besties with Otomai.

Episode 4 - Beastly Girl

I like to headcanon that Joris's relationship with Coqueline is that he projects onto her ("oh god.... being 7 forever would make me kill myself.... even being 3ft tall is already horrible and makes me want to die..... the poor woman must be suffering") while she's like,, 1. probably doesn't think of herself as a "woman". I think she would describe herself as a creature, maybe a girlcreature, and 2. is literally chilling and doesn't give a single shit about anything but animal welfare and direct anti-god action.

I think talking to her would kill Joris because he'd realize that not every immortal person is as insecure about Literally Everything as he is.

She literally says, "the only good gods are ex-gods". We stan a leftist girlcreature?

This screenshot can be used as a reaction image for so many different shows. More fictional parents should say "my child is NOT ascending to godhood and shedding their mortality, becoming something beyond my comprehension, before they're of age. Fuck you."

Episode 5 - A Iop Hides Himself to Cry

You want to read @bitter-panacea's analysis posts about Goultard so bad.

Despite my negative feeling on s3, this is a WIN for Goultard fans, as far as I'm aware. (and Goultard enjoyers, since I kinda consider myself one)

I;'m going to walk into the sea.

Episode 6 - The Ecaflip's Scratching Post

YEAH BABY, A FULL ON IN-SHOW CONFIRMATION OF MY "USH HAS A DIFFERENT MOM THAN KERUBIM AND ATCHAM" HYPOTHESIS.

This might not seem like a contentious issue to normal people. Gods have... a lot of different lovers, so it seems normal to assume that Ush has one mom, while Kerubim and Atcham are twins like Eleley and Flopin, and have a different mom...

But a cancelled game that Tot really liked and still considers canon had really weird "there's an Ecaflip priestess who is the CEO of Giving Birth" lore, and was planned to be the mysterious mom of Kerubim and Atcham (and many other demigods), which contradicts a lot of previously established lore (ankama LOVES retcons. sadly).

I am quite open about thinking this is stupid and not considering this canon until they show her to me in an actual released media (and even then I will find a way to headcanon a better reality). Seeing the series itself acknowledge that Ush is not Atcham and Kerubim's full brother makes me feel quite better.

Hi Ush were you doing [SEXUAL ACTS REDACTED] upon cats again.

Cute...

A normal thing for a Bontarian to do. Blue-clad (metaphorically, he isn't wearing blue but white. Still very Bontarian though) man over here protecting kids and women. While also beating them up.

But unironically, I think it's cute that he has this gap moe of being an evil man who also saves people and cares about honour (because that's a proper thing to do) despite cheating constantly.

Somehow, his shallowness and "I mostly care about appearances, even if I do have a moral code" sort of behaviour is just as Extremely Bontarian as Joris's.... 30 mental illnesses.

THE OST IN THIS EP IS SO GOOD. ECAFLIP FANS WINNING ONCE AGAIN.

Hey past me! Maybe he really does pay these cats to put up with his insane behaviours. 🤨

Yugo, I'm gonna be real with you:

he's probably heard Joris and Kerubim say these exact words at least twice before,

He is reallllllly weird about cats and I am unsure if that's illegal in your setting,

He lured in people to kill in his tower for sport serial killer style.

He's bontarian. -20 morality and honor points immediately.

[fumifooms]

This chapter was very interesting, even if it was mostly set-up. Besides learning the new girl’s name and getting confirmation that she just get kicks from playing with people, the most insightful part was definitely seeing Asa and Yoru’s reaction to the fame.

We see that Asa feels happy over the fame, even if she denies it, and even Yoru admits that it feels soothing, like a need being met, fulfilling. This isn’t surprising at all, after all the whole of Yoru’s goal is to become relevant again, for people to fear her once more, to know of her, and she’s insecure over being called dumb and whatnot: she craves recognition, wants power so she can make people see her wether it be through inspiring awe or inflicting suffering and destruction. Asa has struggled a lot with feeling like she was invisible, or worse, being seen and getting negative attention, being bullied and judged and seen as dumb, annoying, ugly, boring, useless, someone who always messes up and can’t do anything right, worthless. She is afraid of the spotlight, but we’ve seen that she wants it as well, notably inside the aquarium, in that blissful moment when everyone was cheering her for having her phone. So of course, getting such widespread attention, praise, validation, when she hadn’t even intended for it, when she was just being herself and doing her own thing, it’s like being accepted for once. Being seen, and being loved, not only from a small group like a class but on a wide scale.

Of course, for both of them, such recognition and fame is only a substitute for meaningful human relationships, and it can’t replace those. I think it’s actually very lucky that Asa and Yoru have each other currently, it’s good to be reminded that for how much Asa is alone and isolated currently, she was so even more before Yoru, and Yoru similarly doesn’t seem like she had anyone, rotting away i alleyways losing strength more and more over time. Asa seems to want to keep a cool head over the fame to be self-righteous, but is it more because she wants to keep a collected appearance or because she truly doesn’t want to be sidetracked and be swept away?

Either way, I think it’s interesting that she recenters herself by reminding themselves that she’s doing it for Chainsaw Man. In a way, her goal then is something like a human relationship like I mentioned. Not that I think she thinks she’d get to get closer to Chainsaw Man or something, but that she’s motivated by something akin to selflessness, for someone that means a lot to her. A lot to Yoru too. Yoru sees Chainsaw Man as the one who took away her recognition, who stole her thunder, by eating atomic bombs out of existence, meanwhile Asa sees Chainsaw Man as one of the first people who saw her, who talked to her at her lowest and looked at her at her filthiest, and decided that she was worth something, worth protecting. I’m getting sidetracked here but ough!! Let’s just hope Asa doesn’t lose sight of that interpersonal relationship that he inspired her to pursue, gave her the courage to do so, because of easy and fickle validation from fame, is what I’m trying to say.

On Denji’s end, things seem to keep getting worse, even as they… Kinda get better? It turns out the woman is an ally and not an enemy, but Denji seems disappointed by their fight being discontinued, losing the rush he’s so acquainted to. He can’t be Chainsaw Man anymore, right, but he could still fight as Denji, except… It’s not necessary, he’s protected and people have it covered. He loses a possible love interest and enemy as she turns out to be something more like a colleague if anything, their relationship becoming professional and distant by nature, himself making a comment about that. She says that she likes/admires him because he’s Chainsaw Man and Denji is stunned, is it because that attention is a crumb of recognition, recognition that he used to be center stage for all the time just not long ago? Or is it because he’s "Chainsaw Man" in her eyes, because even as she speaks to him the crumbs of validation are directed at Chainsaw Man and not Denji, because he lost the opportunity to have a genuine connection as himself. Fame gives and even as it does, it takes away.

It’s very possible that Denji feels jealous of Asa in the posters scene. Not only does she get to fight devils and do what he’s not allowed to do anymore, but she also gets to do it with her name and her face public. While he was told times and times again that he couldn’t have his identity be public for his safety, Asa gets to do it freely wothout repercussion (thus far), she gets to be liked as herself. But moreso, I feel like the scene’s about loss. With Asa rising up in fame, Denji will have to keep hearing about her and her exploits, not only as a reminder of not being able to be Chainsaw Man anymore but also a reminder of the girl he liked that he had to dump. He couldn’t keep Chainsaw Man, and he couldn’t keep Asa either. Things have possibly never been more normal for Denji’s daily life, and yet it is utterly miserable.