#because that show was like. god these people are awful. yes here’s an emotional story about them but. fucking hell they’re all awful.

[areyouwho-ithinkyouare]

the thing about the Anastasia stage musical is that like…….. as a story it’s a real improvement on the original film. way better construction, stronger characterisation etc etc etc. but…. the same choices that make it technically a better narrative also have really weird knock-on effects on the message.

Replacing rasputin with a communist party officer who’s father was one of the ones who executed the romanov family??? UGH that’s so good that’s so juicy the dynamic between the villain and Anya is SO much more interesting than in the original film. But it leads to scenes like Still/The Neva Flows where it’s like.

“The Romanov’s were given everything and gave back nothing until the russian people rose up and destroyed them!”

*girlboss voice* “All but one. I am my fathers daughter”.

And i’m just… ok but he’s right though. He’s absolutely correct there. Factually he is accurate. But she’s the protagonist and he’s the antagonist so the framing is that she’s the one we should be rooting for here. There’s no point where Anya is like “wow my experiences growing up poor and destitute and orphaned have made me morally uncomfortable with the idea of claiming my place as the daughter of the tsar and that’s going to influence my decisions and actions”. She’s just like. Oh cool i get to be a princess??? neato.

[anxious-witch]

What a year, huh? We all know I have to be emotional on tumblr.com whenever the opportunity arises because that's one way I allow myself to have an emotional catharsis (for legal reasons this a joke)

In all seriousness though, this year has been a lot for me. Both in a good and bad sense, but Käärijä and Joker Out improved it significantly. And more importantly, their fandoms. (More inder the cut bc this is long af)

I have never really been someone who knows anything about the artists' whose music I listened to. Before this, I don't think I ever listened to a full album of someone, just random songs that I liked. Finding stuff from personal life of bands/musicians I liked usually made me depressed so I didn't bother.

Then, ESC 2023. happened. I frankly have no idea what flipped the switch in my head. Bojere interactions? The way people on tumblr were so welcoming even back when I was mostly posting about Let 3 and Käärijä only? I don't know, I only know that we are here now, regardless.

Another thing about me is that I used to be very pessimistic person. Likez genuinely. I have been "unofficially"(long story) diagnosed with depression and anxiety since I was 11, which is over a decade now. I always had a lot of bad experiences with people and really awful trust issues. I have been doing better for some time now, but it is very hard to let go of the feeling of pessimism and helplessness. In a world where awful things happen every second, what can I possibly do that would change anything?

Then ESC happened. Käärijä lost and I thought "another injustice that will never be corrected". Except, instead of feeling defeated, everyone just loved him more. In those weeks after and later on months, all I have seen had been unrelenting love and acceptance of Jere. Reminding him that despite not winning Eurovision, he is our winner and we'll forever think of him as such. Jere who has a wonderfully belly and strong thighs and is short and by no means is he conventional in any sense. And people loved him not despite all that but because all that. Because we all found ways to relate to him, or to what he went through.

His story of almost dying and still getting where he did only served to highlight that more. Because of he did it, why can't we get to what we want? Why can't I? It shifted my whole perspective.

Then, Joker Out. It is so, so funny to me how I barely paid any attention to them during ESC, except for bojere interactions and was dragged in it by the shared fandom, when now I post most about them.

But yes, JO. A band from Slovenia that while tehnically isn't Balkan, felt so close to me. Like they could understand all the things I kept to myself because of where I was. And then they showed me there is still hope.

I have never seen a band from around here take a pride flag on the stage. Never. I know it's a thing, especially abroad, but God I have never seen that happen here. And with how much love they always took it! That's...wow. It gave me hope that not only is it possible for injustices to be corrected, but that ot's possible to do it even in the environment I'm in.

And then...the Virtual Letters Project happened. Or well positive confessions that @spockowhales turned into Virtual Letters Project.

That's when I knew it's truly possible. I have seen tumblr posts, yes. But getting stuff so directly addressed about or to JO made me realize how much of a "wave" they all created. So many people said they helped them with their depression, with viewing their world differentky with meeting new peoplez with daring to do something new.

I have no words to describe how much that meant to me and I really hope that when they read those letters, they understood the impact they had.

But even that aside, I want to thank everyone in this fandom. People I have talked to, people I have interacted with it any way, through replies, reblogs, likes, anon asks. I appreciate every single one of you for helping create such a wonderful space. We had our ups and downs in the fandom, but we are all here because we love these fandoms, these people so much to keep talking about it even months after.

Thank you and I wish everyone here a wonderful New Year with even more laugh, love and positivity ❤️ have a good one

[triflesandparsnips]

Off the back of your RPF post (which I wholeheartedly endorse, support, etc), why do critics totally forget the concept of public personas? We all have them (see any social media account, work!You versus friends!You, etc), so why are people being so precious about RPF being the Nice and Accurate Representation of someone?

note 1) Once upon a time, I [very stupidly, in retrospect, but fuelled entirely by morbid curiosity] dipped into some RPF about two people I had worked with and, naturally, it was in no way like the people involved. Of course it wasn't. Because the people in real life are sometimes pathologically shy or have a really terrible sense of humour or don't give a damn about the character they're playing, but get paid a lot to sound like they do. The exact opposite is also true.

You are 1000% right that the critics who spout awful nonsense about reading/writing RPF totally miss the part where the people in RPF do not exist because we as fans do not know strangers' personalities.

But also...

note 2) there's a reason famous people generally keep stuff like that at arm's length because, really, can you imagine someone shipping you with Jan from Accounts and then reading about it? No? Exactly.

Yikes. Sorry. This wasn't meant to come off as a rant, more a co-sign to what you wrote! Just wanted to reach out and agree. I've no need/desire for you to respond if you don't fancy it :)

(Also, sorry Jan from Accounts, I'm sure you're lovely, I just don't have the spoons for that kind of relationship)

Yes! ABSOLUTELY.

Regarding note 1: Anon, I KNOW THAT FEEL. There are Folks on tumblr here and also In Various Public Spaces that I definitely work with and/or exist alongside in the same work community, and what fans (or, in some cases, just people outside that work community) believe those Folks are like in Real Life is... deeply inaccurate. But what few things they do "know" are "facts" that have been specifically shared as part of the persona! And where there are gaps in the persona (similar to where there are gaps in a piece of media), fans will add their own emotional narrative logic to try and fill in the blanks-- and the folly comes (as anyone who goes ALL IN on a piece of fanon or personal heartcanon) from believing that the shit you made up is somehow actually true.

And regarding note 2: YES ALSO ABSOLUTELY. Like, let people make their own terrible decisions because they are goddamn adults and/or let them curate their experience with the help of their actual friends. We can't know what these Public People want to do! We can't know what they're okay with! STOP SHOWING UP IN THEIR LIVING ROOM, FFS.

John Oliver has a delightful story about reading Daily Show slash RPF that he got from a friend (or so he says, in the middle of a comedy show, which is also a crafted work that could be full of lies for the sake of the narrative). In his comedy narrative, he wasn't into it! But even assuming it's all true, it was his choice to continue reading, and his choice to turn it into a comedy routine. Because he is an adult who gets to make that choice.

2010s bandom, on the other hand, was a cornucopia of RPF because the bands publicly talked about or referenced reading fic about themselves (to the degree that a common fic warning was "Stop googling yourself, Gabe"). They also got to make that decision! Fans got kind of uncomfortable about it! Bandom looked into the void and the void looked back and said "That was hot."

(Meanwhile, if you continue to believe John Oliver's comedy routines, he also discusses the ramifications of googling yourself, but by god, it's still his choice to make.)

(...And because of these choices he and his writing team on Last Week Tonight have been able to do some truly fantastic shenanigans, including, for instance, collecting digital data from Congress using ads for "Ted Cruz erotic fan fiction". So like. Even personal tragedy can lead to Art, so jot that down.)

Finally, Zach Kornfeld from the Try Guys (which hey if we wanna talk about the difference between personas and reality, ahahaha) specifically discusses what it means to be reliant on the parasocial relationship between audience and creator:

You know, look, the parasocial relationship is the only reason I'm here. It's the people who watch me, I owe them everything and I wanna give them everything. But there has to be boundaries you create. It's a really tricky thing. I also don't want to abuse that relationship. I think it's really easy to look at your audience and go, like, "We're friends," and "Come on, you love me, support me." We're not friends. You don't know me. I'm lying to you all the time. I'm curating what I give you. I'm trying to make myself look as good as possible. The job of a creator is to be as broadly likable as possible all the time.

And like... yeah. YEAH.

RPF is fiction. From the top to the bottom, from the beginning to the end. And the moment you think any of it actually touches on the """truth""" of a real person, you are the one making things fucking weird.

[bitimdrake]

rereading nightwing (2011) #30 and god i have. so many thoughts about it. And also I still cannot get a coherent hold on it.

This post is really just a mess of me rambling for myself and spewing thoughts out, so I'm putting it under the cut and read at your own discretion and curiosity.

first off, we basically only talk about the middle part, but this comic is actually three sections and it's. bad?

it's just so awkward. This is a transitional issues, but it's not even a well executed one. It's not even a mediocre one. It's very blunt and inconsistent in abruptly shoving the story forward to make way for a Grayson status quo.

The three sections all have different styles and very different tones, but they are also directly related to each other. So it's not like they work as three different vignettes sharing an issue. But they also don't make a particularly cogent whole.

And they definitely do not come even close to the kind of satisfying ending you'd typically want to see at the end of a run.

Like: the first section is Leslie recounting to Bruce how she ran into Spyral. A section which, you will note, does not include our lead and title character in any way, nor is it remotely emotionally relevant or meaningful to him on first read, nor is it remotely related to anything in the run previously. It's a Batman Inc scene that got lost and landed in the wrong issue.

And then the second section (Bruce fights Dick until he agrees to go undercover) and the third (intro to Grayson with Dick doing international crimefighting to lure in Spyral recruitment) are plot-wise directly connect and yet. Could not be more at odds.

sec. 2 Dick has a very bad time being pushed into this by Bruce, and he hates it, and the whole thing is very violent and dark and grim, and Dick ends the section saying things can never be the same between him and Bruce.

and then sec. 3 Dick has a classic inner monologue about who he is and where he's been, that includes how Bruce saved him from being an angry, revenge-obsessed kid, and how he loves his family and is defined by being a legacy. And shows zero concern at what he's doing except a mild mention that after the Crime Syndicate he wanted to go back but he couldn't.

are you seeing what i'm talking about here. are you seeing how this is technically a continuous plot, but on every other level makes no goddamn sense

anyway let's talk about dick and bruce, but first specifically about Bruce because I still do not get him here

"get him" does not mean "agree" (or even "empathize") but literally just get it. Even when I fucking hate him I have at a basic level understood what was going on in his head previously. I do not now.

Bruce was already abusive ofc, but the thing that really threw me off the first time I read this--and that still feel jarring--is how completely different this is from any of his previous violence towards his kids.

He's not suddenly lashing out in a moment of high emotion. He waited for Dick to be ready and laid out the rules (non-rule) of the fight. And it's not even about some deeply personal matter that he's getting emotional over. Yes, Dick's recent brief death is a key part, but mostly Bruce is monologuing about the danger of this one random secret organization.

The whole thing is so planned, which is never something I've thought of his previous physical abuse, and it feels fucking awful.

It also just feels so irrational. And not in a "people who are very emotional make questionable decisions" way, but in a "I'm genuinely struggling to understand how the character got here way"

Bruce is upset that he recently watched Dick die. No question there. And so he....wants to send Dick undercover with Spyral?

??????

Like I can try to explain this as some variation of the classic 'push people away so caring about them won't hurt me again', but that's really not how it feels? It doesn't track. Bruce has pushed Dick away plenty before, and he does it by some combination of explosive anger, complete emotional shutdown, and literally telling Dick to leave. But like. This is not that. He's instead ensnaring Dick in a long fight and longer conversation and telling him not to leave, but to go do something specific. And it's not even really pushing him away!! Because Bruce is still asking Dick to do a thing for him, under his control! No. wrong vibe. Explanation rejected.

Second attempted explanation: section one of this issue ends with Leslie telling Bruce that, because of super Spyral interrogation powers, she might have revealed his identity and can't even remember. So Bruce is deeply troubled by that, and Dick's identity was just revealed to the world which compounds things ("you let them give your secrets to the world"), and now he is deeply concerned with figuring out what Spyral knows/stopping info from spreading and sending Dick to handle that.

I also hate this explanation. It feels dumb. Ridiculous priorities. (also, boy, it does not paint Bruce in a good light. but the bad light it paints him in is an all new one.) Ugh.

I really really just cannot create an explanation for Bruce here that feels coherent with my understanding of him, and I hate that.

And my understanding of him is of him as an abusive father!! So imagine how inexplicable this must feel! But this is the wrong kind of abusive father for what he's been before idk i don't even know if i make sense anymore

new thought time

for the first ~2/3 of the fight, I was thinking that on reread, I could kinda see how some very dumb and oblivious writer would not see how horrific and abusive it would be in the end:

Two characters are disagreeing, and one is going to convince the other by the end. So it's dramatic, and makes the art reflect the story, to have them spar as they're talking! Both script and art are a spar!

Bruce is trying to ~prove Dick will never break~ so it'll be fitting for him to fight Dick, and then call it off when Dick indeed proves he won't give up an gets the upper hand!

Misjudge just how violent the fight will come off. Write panels where Dick is on the ground looking up/being beaten by Bruce/getting injured, because you're going for the classic structure of the hero getting their ass kicked at the start before turning things around later on, but accidentally make those too pained.

blah blah blah, completely overlook the fact that these two are father and son with the power dynamic that implies, and fail to tune the dialogue so that you don't realize it seems less like Bruce is convincing and more like he's coercing

and maybe, theoretically, a writer with real bad instincts could think this would be less horrific than it is

...I thought for the first chunk of the fight, still trying to come up with a rational explanation for this scene, even if only a Doylist one

EXCEPT

Towards the end of the fight, Bruce literally says he knows he's hurting Dick, "my family," and calls Dick "my boy" and then punches Dick in the face so like. I'm sorry you can't do this by accident. If you wrote this by accident you are simply too stupid to be alive and I refuse to believe you can exist.

so anyway I don't have a Doylist explanation for this either :/

they really did just straight up have bruce beat up his son and have said son literally say it could never be the same between them after this, and then were like. yeah :) this is fine :) back to bruce solving crimes as batman :)

FINAL SECTION: random assorted things that make me mad

right before the fight when Alfred can't get into the cave and Bruce, who planned this, lies about it being a malfunction he's fixing

alfred tries to ask if he's alright after "master richard's... the boy's passing". Quote Bruce "Dick was never a boy." (this would make me want to slap him in the best of circumstances but I just want him dead)

the beat early on where Bruce gets a good shot in and Dick is sitting, and he pauses to ask Bruce what's really going on, and Bruce kicks him in the face

genuinely just the number of panels in this that are Dick on the ground, Dick getting punched/kicked/hit, Dick slamming into some solid piece of the environment

Dick keeps questioning this idea and bringing up new points and then just outright asking how Bruce can do this to him. And literally never once does Bruce reply to any of it.

Literally the entire fight Bruce spends monologuing, completely ignoring everything Dick says, as if he's not talking at all.

The only thing that Bruce does respond to is how Dick is doing in the fight. He breaks his monologue to commend Dick on fighting well, but not even once gives the tiniest acknowledgement that Dick is also saying things.

Just the fact that Dick "wins" by dropping down to Bruce's level of violence.

when bruce says the "we fall so we can get back up" and Dick says, no, someone pushes us and we get up to push back, it's fucking sad. I think this is meant to be his victorious moment of turning the tides, but it's upsetting to me! That Dick "it's about catching people when they fall" Grayson has been pushed to reject all of that and is now only talking in terms of fighting!!! I don't like this quote I judge anyone who uses this as a great quote representative of dick grayson, sorry, it's not, it sucks

Dick cracks his head on a railing owie

as soon as Bruce gets properly decked and hits the ground, he calls the fight off :) Because this proves to him that Dick won't break in Spyral, of course, and confirms his stupid plan will work :) and definitely not because Bruce can dish it out but can't take it :)

unreal how much I hate him

And finally! Amidst all of that, amidst all the blood and violence, the single moment that made me most want to shove Bruce through a woodchipper!

"I know I'm hurting you. My family. I'm making that sacrifice. Because I don't give up. I don't give in."

shut the fuck up you fucking martyr hurting your family is not sacrificing shit

man, I really did start this post with story analysis and a genuine curiosity to find sense in chaos. My primary emotion was the fervor of solving a story like a puzzle. But now I am simply going to kill.

[invisiblegarters]

Be My Favorite Ep 9

Dammit this is going to make me want sushi.

Guess I wasn't wrong that the face Pear made in last ep was about family issues and not missing out on Kawi time. Pear has totally not forgiven her mom, PIsaeng.

Pisaeng is never getting a kiss if he keeps trying to hint around to it. Also ultimatums this early? Come on we all knew Kawi would choose the band.

Oh no. Now I'm beginning to see why Pisaeng gets drunk.

No good deed and all that. I am not actually a fan of this.

Pear is breaking my heart. I'm beginning to see why she is so obsessed with creating a family of her own. Can I just say how much I love that the show is giving her motivations and desires outside of what is going on with Kawi? Because I really do. I love that all these characters clearly have their own internal lives happening in spite of Kawi.

I like drunk and belligerent Pisaeng. Although that kiss is totally a fake out and we all know it. We've seen the trailer, people!

Kawi you are going to need to kiss him sober if you're sure about this dating thing.

And oh no, not Not. Come the fuck on, show. Why Pear doesn't just ignore him is beyond me. NOT THIS IS NOT YOUR BUSINESS MY GOD. I really do not like this guy. And I am really really really hoping that this isn't the excuse the show needs to turn Pear awful, because I will riot. Pear is too good a character to suddenly swerve into the scorned faen.

pffft

Yes.

A ways back, babes. You (and Pear) are litterally the last to know.

Well good on Kawi for addressing the money issues immediately. I mean that. It's a worry for him that could easily breed resentment so I like that he's tackling it head on instead of ignoring it until it becomes a problem.

Okay no seriously what the everloving FUCK is wrong with these people. I hate Not you guys. If they try to redeem him I swear to god...

That whole bit with Pear was really good. We shall see what comes of it later I guess but it was realistic for the moment. I don't think that she's angry like she is with her mom, but I do think that she's upset, and that's okay. It's okay that she needs some time to think about this whole thing because frankly, finding out that the person you like likes someone else is upsetting, especially when you had cause to believe that he was into you.

Also I hope Pear is meeting Not to chew him out. I would hate it if what he did succeeded in driving Pear to him. Would hate. I say again, girl, love yourself more. Please.

I do think she's turning to Not now because she feels abandoned by both Pisaeng and Kawi, and she definitely is looking desperately for something to fulfill her but I really wish that she would take Not to task for his gross meddling. Because it's not his job to out those two, it's not his job to make sure Pear knows the truth. UGH he is such a slimeball I hate him.

And Kwan you can do so much better. Good god why do people like this guy? He's so slimy.

Oh, thank goodness. I was really worried she was actually going to turn to Not like in the worst future but no, she just wanted to help her friends. And I like that she was up front with him about not liking him in that way. My guess is that he preyed on her heartbreak in the worst future too. Because let's not pretend that that's not exactly what he was hoping to do here. He didn't tell her about Kawi and Pisaeng out of any real desire to help her or spare her further heartbreak. He told her because one, he wanted her to feel grateful to him and two, he was hoping that that gratefulness as well as her inevitable mix of emotions upon finding out abut them - confusion, anger, heartbreak, uncertainty, a metric fuckton of vulnerability - wouldn't make her turn to him as a new option. And that is gross.

I knew she was awesome. I love Pear, you guys. I want to pluck her out of this story and place her somewhere where she gets all the things she deserves.

Another solid episode. The only thing that really could have made it better would be if Max had been around. He better be there next week.

[aro-bird]

Hey, I should've probably made a post about this when the controversy first started but it's better late than never I guess. There's been some discourse on twitter about this, mostly from non-native Filipinos, so I have to say: Stop trying to say that the Filipino sapphic McDonald's commercial was just taking advantage of Filipinos.

Look, I understand that it's so easy to try to go "rAinBoW cAPiTaliSm!!!" on companies when you see them creating content for the queer community especially if the company doesn't really have a good track record. Hypocrisy is absolutely a thing you should point out especially when companies trying to capitalize on the groups they refuse to support. But FOR THE LOVE OF GOD STOP TRYING TO SPEAK ABOUT SHIT YOU DONT KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT

If you're not aware, the Philippines has an awful homophobic and transphobic culture where, like a lot of Asian countries, they would tolerate you being gay but wouldn't accept you. It's not uncommon for people to get their identities erased by their families, their queerness forced into the closet, and family making suggestions to force you to be cishet. Not only that, but if you were public about being queer, you would either be mocked or harassed with some incidents possibly escalating to violence.

This culture of bigotry has created a push to make laws to prevent discrimination against people based on their sexuality or gender identity in the form of the SOGIE bill. The thing is, this law constantly gets push back from religious groups and even some members of the cishet majority since they don't understand what the law entails and think that the gays just want to hurt the "nuclear family".

You wanna know how bad it's been for the SOGIE bill? An anti-discrimination bill was first officially proposed in 2004 and none has had approval since. In February 2023, there was a news report that even uncovered a large disinformation campaign that was trying to spread lies about the current SOGIE bill so people would be against it passing into law. These were mostly spearheaded by Christian Evangelical groups that had had a stranglehold on queer rights in the country for decades.

There has also been a constant pushback against queer people and loud discrimination against them even on a societal level. Stories like that of Gretchen Custudio Diez who was a transwoman that had been arrested for trying to use the bathroom may have been given a transphobic spin by the larger anti-queer disinformation campaign, but there's still so many people that either mocked and ridiculed her before they heard anything else about the story besides "transwoman gets arrested for using the bathroom." I vividly remember my otherwise pretty supportive mother making jabs at it and even spouting some transphobic rhetoric before I had to correct her, and she's not really the type to be obsessed over Facebook or Twitter.

McDo creating this commercial is controversial and yes, could be considered pandering, but you need to get it into your head that the Philippines has different cultures and social issues from the fucking west. The Philippines may be listed as "one of the most gay friendly countries in the world" but that is such a gross understatement of the truth here. The Philippines is gay-tolerant, not gay-friendly, and anything that tries to normalize any gay relationship outside of queers being used as a punchline or some emotional sideplot gets criticized to hell and back.

The amount of sapphic Filipinos and other queer Filipinos that found joy, comfort, and hope because of this commercial could also not be understated. I've seen so many tweets and posts about how happy and represented they felt even with such a short ad and you shitting on that is just such a dick move, especially if you yourself aren't a Filipino who grew up and/or lives in the Philippines.

As much as I hate capitalism, corporations actually showing public support for the queer community is extremely necessary here since it normalizes queer people. In this day and age where not only do queer Filipinos barely even have rights but the global queerphobic right has definitely been influencing the Filipino internet which may even endanger any bit of progress queer activists had made for the past few decades, corporations being on the side of the community is super fucking important.

If you haven't seen the commercial yet, here's a link to the video. McDo has also made a more subtle mlm commercial before that you can watch here.

[holding-out-for-hea]

I’ve watched all three eps of The Winchester’s. I wanted to form my own opinions and not be influenced by stans from all sides.

Wanna know what I thought?

…. I’ve enjoyed it 🤷🏻‍♀️ It definitely has some pacing problems and the typical CW shoddy production missteps, but I have enjoyed it. Does it hit nostalgia hard? For me, yes. But that was basically one of the reasons I watched the last five seasons of SPN (and my sincere dedication to the brother bond). These are people searching for their fathers, a la season 1 of SPN. Again- heavy reliance on nostalgia, but that’s what spin offs are known to do at first until they dig their roots deeper, and I’m thinking that The Winchester’s has a shot at doing that. It’s still all very surface level, but there have been moments that show the depths that are to come.

Here’s the thing with me. I don’t see this as a slap to the face of canon SPN at all…. Yet. It is it’s own entity, and I can’t say with any certainty where it’s going, so I cannot make any judgements that would be deemed fair about what effects on canon it truly has. I know, I know…. The John thing. But it’s SO clear that we will be getting answers to that, soooo 🤷🏻‍♀️The stories so far have felt like classic SPN horror type stuff (though I wish it was more scary). Some of the writing is clunky, but my God there isn’t a single show in television today that DOESN’T seem to have clunky writing - and that’s a post for another day.

I really think they hit a home run in casting, and that surprised me because the trailers did not lead me to that assumption. Drake is SO good, and if you think Sam wasn’t thought of in this show you’d be wrong. Not only does Drake look very much like him, but we see the hope, innocence and fierce loyalty that comes from Sam in John. 1000% intentional too, btw. The traits Dean mostly picked up from His dad aren’t really part of John yet, and it intrigues me. Meg’s Mary is different from what I expected, but I actually prefer it to what my initial musings were. Yes, we very much see Dean here, mostly in mannerisms, personality, sense of duty, and complete expertise in all things hunting. On a different level, Sam’s there too (again) in the wanting of a normal life. We see eartnestness, fear and resentment. Sam. Meg is clearly the more seasoned actor here, and I’ve been pleasantly surprised by her range.

Carlos is honestly a breath of fresh air. Jojo’s timing is spot on, expressions full of emotion, and he just makes you like him. He pulls you into the time period and makes the settings feel more 70’s, which is needed because sometimes the show doesn’t hit that mark. Lata is sweet as pie, and I am waiting for her big moment because it really does feel like it’s building up to it. Ada and John’s mom are very well cast, and you can feel their experience through the screen and it makes their young counterparts better, in my opinion.

It is not a perfect show, and at times I feel I’m even too old (in my 30’s) to be watching it. There are moments that feel to far fetched even for SPN, and the special effects are…. Well, it’s the CW - but the CW during a buyout, and while trying to change their entire target audience base with a show they didn’t seem to believe in too much. So… yea. But this genre is my jam, always has been, and to be immersed in SPN vibes again honestly is making me happy. I want to see where the story goes, however, on its own merit- and THAT, perhaps, is the biggest surprise of all.

I know this show is literally a Pandora’s box, but there is SO much REAL awful going on in the world, that maybe a breath and perspective is needed. This is a tv show. And yes, I know people treat SPN and it’s actors as though they’re all parts of a religious deity, but it’s not that serious. I have ZERO problem with people finding enjoyment in things, this prequel included. So I won’t call you stupid, canon denying, Jensen hating, Jared hating morons if you find enjoyment with this show. (Or if you dislike it either- just don’t rain on other’s parades)

ENJOY IT! This world provides so little to enjoy. Everyone is miserable. I see it day in and day out. So don’t sweat the small stuff, and don’t take things so seriously that aren’t meant to be that serious. But if you want to rage out about it and just go balls to the wall and hate post all the time? You do you my friend. We gotta feel better about things somehow I suppose.

I wasn’t looking for Shakespeare, Hemingway, Brontë or Austen. Wasn’t looking for Tolkien, Lewis or Tolstoy. I wasn’t expecting to find my life’s philosophy in this show, or to be able to relate to all of it because “that’s what I’m owed, dammit!” If you’re gonna watch it and say “at the thirteen minute mark in SPN’s 14th episode in the 7th season a background character says something that contradicts what the prequel just said!!” Maaaayyyybe don’t watch it. I just wanted the horror/mystery/family vibes I’ve missed- with a base storyline I can care about, and characters I can get behind. So far? I think it’s there 🤷🏻‍♀️

[destinygoldenstar]

Mikey Deserves Help. And A Hug. (Brief thoughts on ‘kid pulls fire alarm’)

Good gosh. Remember when I made my Mikey post? Well guess what? THAT WAS TOO SOON.

OH MY GOD.

No joke, the moment I watched the new vid, I leaned back on my chair and screamed “HOLY S**T, THAT IS AWFUL!!!”

(I got screamed back by my neighbors)

The sheer amount of MALPRACTICE happening here and illogical inconsistencies just BAFFLES me, I don’t even know how to rant about it!

Basically, go read my Mikey post. ‘How Mikey is an example of an abused child’, and leave a like on it too. Everything I said on that post applies here!

Mikey’s homelife and why he is the way he is? Check.

School being shown to be unfair, dishonest, and forceful? Check.

Awful parents that practically abuse their child? Check.

Justifying minor actions as a felony crime? CHECK.

Welp. I was afraid this’d happen. And it did. Dhar Mann wants to DEMONIZE A CHILD, and treat him like he’s some sort of monster! Justifying society’s flaws, justifying adults scamming kids, and justify punishing children! Not once showing children ANY grey area, love, and support that they NEED to prevent stuff like this from happening!

I said it in a comment on Youtube once, and said “I hope Mikey’s gets away from his awful parents and lives with Owen, getting a healthier lifestyle and becoming a local gamer and basketball player without that awful society holding him back. But something tells me he was gonna go to Juvie instead.” 

I was right.

Now, the question remains. Does Mikey deserve to go to Juvie? For pulling a fire alarm?

Well, according to Google:

“Making a false threat of fire or pulling a fire alarm without reasonable cause is classified as a first-degree misdemeanor under law. This means the maximum penalty could be up to one year in jail and the possibility of a permanent criminal conviction.“

Yeah. Admittedly, he does.

But here’s the thing that angers me about it:

NOBODY acknowledges the sheer horror of Mikey’s past that built up to this, and only blames the child.

Now yes, sometimes, it’s solely the child’s fault. But with children, there’s always an explanation for why they act they way they do, and felt the need to take that action. Again, I already covered Mikey’s life in that post I made about him, so I’ll keep it brief.

Mikey is from a rich family with (potentially) divorced parents, who pressure him constantly into getting the best at grades, and play child favoritism with his brother. School pressures him into work he’s uninterested in, and do nothing to help, and flat out disapprove of his interests in gaming and sports. That, and all these people LOVE scamming and scheming. This had a negative affect on Mikey that results in him taking such drastic actions to avoid testing, and achieving his goals. Because NOBODY, is willing to help him or understand his emotions. They just lecture him, tell him to do better, threaten him with work, and that’s it.

With that in mind. Is it no wonder Mikey got sent to Juvie? 

You can blame the person who made the crime, sure, but STOP. BRUSHING OFF. THE EXPLANATION. 

STOP. BLAMING. A VICTIM.

“But Mikey’s not a victim-” yes he is! NO CHILD deserves this level of abuse. NO CHILD. No matter how bratty they are.

If I saw all of this, or rather, if I could write his story from here, I would take the chance to talk to Mikey about what’s going on, and help him think about what led to his actions, have him reflect on what HIS problem is, and what OTHERS are responsible for making him have this problem. I would be there to transfer him to a new school, and inflict a better learning ground that accepts his interests, while being there to talk to him about any emotional struggle. I wouldn’t take away testing, but instead I’d make the environment of education interesting to him that he’d want to prove himself. That way, Mikey can FINALLY learn from such a healthier environment, that he has to work for his dreams, and that there are better ways to obtain what he wants. 

Oh, and I’d also call Child Protective Services on the parents. They both deserve it.

But I think, 

no

I KNOW Dhar Mann is only going to worsen Mikey’s punishments, even if it’s the bottom of the barrel. He wants us to hate this twelve year old to a pulp and CHEER at a CHILD SCREAMING FOR HELP AS HE’S BEING THROWN BEHIND BARS!

How sick and disgusting is that?

I’m calling it right now, Dhar Mann plans on turning Mikey into a delinquent, the Ultimate Bad Message... I guess. A cautionary tale on ‘what happens in the dark will always come to light’, and how not listening to the adults around you and committing to society can destroy your future.

Well, you want me to buy it?

PUT. IN. THE DAMN. EFFORT!

I am especially ANGRY at this because there are CHILDREN, people in the world, who think these are GOOD VIDEOS.

People MEME the idea that Mikey never learns, as if it’s a joke. CHEER at this twelve year old SCREAMING FOR HELP, praising this for being a GOOD OUTLOOK on children!

I’m sorry, I need to go vomit...

(I might need to make another post on how disgusting it all is, but as of right now, I’m busy. I’m having anxiety issues from life. Dhar Mann vids only make my anxiety worse. And I don’t want anyone to go through that either, which is why I make my rant posts. So... if Dhar Mann wants to ‘change lives’, he technically didn’t say ‘for the better’ so... he’s not wrong)

[kennyomegasweave]

Am I marathoning TharnType? Yes, yes I am. These are my thoughts while watching the first six episodes.

Also I love this show and I’m so glad I’m watching it. I will hear no slander about it because I am genuinely so invested. They’re a Ludo song. You’re awful, I love you.

"Are you gay."

Yes.

"Well I hate gays. I won't live with one." 

Baby boy you end up married to this man. I am so excited to see this journey. lol

NOT THIS BABY ON EPISODE TWO ALREADY FINDING SOMEONE TO SWITCH ROOMS WITH HIM BUT DECIDING TO STAY. Oh baby boy you really do end up so married to this guy. 

Baby's first gay panic is starting, this is amazing. lol

NOT THE MESSY ASS GAYS PUTTING MY DEAR SWEET REPRESSED TYPE ON BLAST IN A MESSY ASS HATING ASS POST WHEN THEY WERE IN THE WRONG. I love this show. I LOVE this show.

Also everytime Type's like "I hate gays. They disgust me" I'm like a) baby boy you let your male roommate suck you off? And b) you end up married to that male roommate. I just can't. I love him. I would die for him. He's so stupid and angry. 

I also know Tharn's bestie is FAULTY AF so all his interactions are like STAY AWAY FROM HER GET A JOB SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU IT WAS NEVER GONNA BE YOU SUSIE.

Like this baby keeps saying he hates gays and it's just like oh baby but you're gonna end up so married to this man in 7 years. 

HE IS TELLING HIM ABOUT THE CHILD RAPE. I kinda feel like homegirl in Blades of Glory "wow I never thought of that as a romantic story before. *bites a snowcone*" 

Also, because this is a gay Thai show, this is a super serial moment and all emotional and they're crying and duh they're talking about child rape but like a pop song is playing in the background and I am just dying.

NOT THARN GOING "so he's homophobic and an asshole but I promise he's a really good guy deep down!" They better have played U Got It Bad at the wedding reception in honor of this time in their lives.

Not Tharn telling Type he likes him for real then instantly putting headphones on and going on his phone. Iconic. That behavior is iconic.

You know that tweet that was like "one time I liked a boy and I didn't know what to do so I wrote him a note telling him to leave my school" that tweet is Type.

"I want to sleep with you."

"I'll never have sex with you."

They not only become a married couple, but they become a married couple that constantly fucks. God bless.

NOT TYPE JUST SAYING HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE THARN IS HUNGOVER AT BREAKFAST. NOT TYPE SAYING HE'S DOING THIS AS A FAVOR TO THARN. I AM SCREAMING. How can anyone hate this show it is absolutely ridiculous.

AN ACT OF KINDNESS. And then they get married. Type really played himself. Congratulations, you played yourself. Your first time with your husband was "an act of kindness." I would die for Type.

I would die for this child. I would die for this couple. I've only had TharnType for 4 episodes but if they didn't end up married I would kill everyone in this room and then myself. 

Not Type's "I was the bottom and you still expect me to clean up." He is such a brat. The absolute brattiest of the brats. He's perfect.

And now it's Tharn's turn to tell his sad sex story. Again, I feel like homegirl in Blades of Glory. "I never thought of that as a romantic story before. *eats snowcone*" 

THEY ARE GETTING STD TESTED. This is absolutely amazing. Again I ask, how do people hate this show? All I'm seeing are Ws.

NOT TYPE GETTING THE D ONE TIME AND THEN GOING FINE WE CAN KEEP HAVING SEX BUT ONLY SEX. Type really is just out here playing himself left and right.

"Where were you yesterday Type?" Getting dicked down by his future husband Techno, mind your business. 

NOT THARN BUYING ~$120 SHEETS TO FUCK TYPE ON. BALLING AS A COLLEGE FRESHMEN. I see why Type wifed him up. You wife up a teenage boy that buys you $100+ sheets to bang you on after like two times. That's love bitch.

I'm sorry Type is really sitting here like "what did I do to deserve you shutting me out?" during his monologue to Tharn's empty space. Like baby. Baby boy. Baby. Everything. You have done everything wrong. lol

Oh Type. He's so gone on Tharn and he doesn't even realize it at all. My beautiful dumb idiot. 

Techno is my absolute fave. He's shipping it. "Do you still hate gays?" Baby. Baby boy. You can't just ask that.

NOT THARN GETTING ALL SMUG AT TYPE SAYING HE HATES GAYS BUT NOT THARN. BABY THAT'S NOT A COMPLIMENT. GET BETTER STANDARDS.

Tharn is doing Type's laundry and Type is still out here like "I'm gonna be dating this girl." This is what I meant when I earlier said you're doing everything wrong baby boy. But I understand. I ruined my first two relationships with my gay panic. I know he gets it together. I know he figures it out. We'll get through this together.

Also, PUIFAI LEARNED HOW TO MAKE HIS FAVORITE SOUTHERN CURRY IN LIKE TWO DAYS. BABYGIRL YOU DESERVE BETTER. I would like to play "don't fall in love with a homo" to her.

THARN OUT HERE TALKING ABOUT OF COURSE HE KNOWS TYPE LIKES SPICY FOOD. Like I would die for this couple but also baby boy you deserve better. I know you had other options baby (and not your triffe bestie). Just a failwhale disaster couple, they really do belong together.

Also Type. Baby. How are you gonna be making plans with your gay sex friend while also blowing up this girl's phone??? 

Techno just dropping bombs and wrecking Tharn's airfield talking about Type's girlfriend. See baby you don't deserve this. His little sad face.

Also how the hell is Type gonna get home hella late and turn the light on? Like what if Tharn was sleeping??? Inconsiderate. I would still die for him but I would also die for Tharn so you can imagine the stress I am under.

He really is out here like WE'RE JUST FUCK BUDDIES like you treat your fuck buddy like that. The boy didn't date much, I'm guessing. But he needs to stop making Tharn cry cause we're gonna have a Problem. 

Oh here comes Tharn's triffe ass bestie. HE DOESN'T WANT YOU GIRL. The desperation this young man is radiating. It hurts to witness. lol

NO HE DID NOT SEND A "RULES FOR CASUAL DATING" TEXT. Okay I still think they're perfect and still would die for Type, but girl Tharn should have never let you hit it ever again. Never ever. Jesus be some self esteem for Tharn.

Type. How are you gonna agree to be casual fuck buddies just fucking the hornyness out of each other and then make a date with your girlfriend two seconds later. ~cause he's a FUQBOI and they're all the same~

HOW ARE YOU GONNA GET A TEXT FROM YOUR GIRLFRIEND WHILE YOUR NOT BOYFRIEND BOYFRIEND IS LITERALLY ON TOP OF YOU. Oh my gosh I need literally both of these idiots to do better and want more for each other.

I am literally going to FLAY Type alive right now cancelling on Tharn's gig. "I'll ask her to be my girlfriend" while you literally have a man in your bed. TYPE. TYPEEE. I am two seconds away from looking up his government name on wiki because I need to say it all. This whole painful ass convo where Tharn was STILL IN TYPE'S BED. Legit was saying out loud to my laptop "leave his bed! Get out of that bed!" Oh my gosh. Disasters. Idiots. Losers. 

Puifai is so cute and she looks all cute dressed up for her birthday and I just feel bad for her because it was never gonna be you Susie. He's just straight up wasting this girl's time. On a date with her ON HER BIRTHDAY being like "Tharn might like this restaurant." Wasting her time. Going to her place like he's gonna smash like he ain't think of his MALE roommate and fuck buddy not twenty minutes before.

See aforementioned: Don't Fall In Love With A Homo by Jonny McGovern.

Okay see Type. Baby. You couldn't have had your Big Homo Feelings before you wasted Puifai's entire time. And then you go and get in Tharn's bed. ~cause you're hot and your cold you're yes and you're no you're up then you're down~ This is very cute and sweet and I genuinely love them, but I am Tharn's homegirl and I don't forgive Type for missing his show. 

Puifai does not deserve this. She is still in her birthday cute outfit crying and Type really just wasted her entire time. Just straight up wasted. Men will do it to you every time. She's crying and getting blocked and he's getting dicked down by the person he wanted and had the whole time.

Type looking shook that Tharn wanted to break up with him. Like no shit baby. You did literally everything but the sex wrong. I love this dumb idiot.

Type looking at his sleeping boyfriend when his dad asks if he has a girlfriend. 

I am very pleased with these 6 episodes. Onward to the next 6!

[barleyjoose]

bori blog intro

One year from now, all contents of this blog, till the end of the year 2023 (should we make it that far), will be removed.

Writing’s made a reappearance in my life again. Our relationship is a tenuous one. Mostly because my reasons for fancying it have changed over the years. My childhood was a solitary one confined at home and in my loneliest hours, written word offered comfort in a time and place where I felt I had no one else.

In school, I received enough recognition of my writing that allowed me, for the first time, to feel like I was a real person taking up actual space. And it felt damn good. To hear your teacher read aloud your Catch-22 essay projected on the classroom walls and go, yes, yes. You get it. In erratic scribbles, I mocked and mourned Doc Daneeka’s erased existence through his falsely documented death. And for a few minutes, I indisputably existed.

Soon afterwards (usually simultaneously with your first Praise), you are introduced to the concept of Value. What makes your work original? What is the story that only you can write? What’s the point of what you’re making? Is this book/essay/show/movie/person worth your time? This is when I started experiencing an emotion that wasn’t quite fear, but a resignation I thought would at least protect me from answering those questions.

In university I studied computer science, a major that I have no academic enthusiasm for, beyond whatever passion a person can have towards paying rent. With the right company, one summer software internship earned enough money to pay my remaining tuition and housing costs for the next school year. And dear God, did I suck at it. I failed to procure the grades required to declare the major and only gained acceptance into the program through an appeal letter I wrote. Funny how life works, right?

Still, I did the thing and managed to crawl my way out of college with a CS degree in hand. I struggled so much with my CS studies that I had no time left to explore my personal interests. I don’t think regret is the right word for this compromise. I was reluctant to take out loans, and I don’t know if I would have been able to confidently finish university at all without studying CS. I was even fortunate to find CS communities and friends whom I cherish deeply. But I do envy people who spent their college years taking classes that further developed and challenged their personal curiosities.

These days I’m mostly afflicted with a sense of nostalgia. I read my old writing sometimes. It’s awful. But there are phrases that I can pinpoint as moments I was growing into myself. And I say this as someone who now has the financial foundations to say so, but if I’m going to be bad at something, it would be nice to fail at something that lets me feel like I’m growing into something.

At this point, I am not sure what role writing plays in my life anymore.

———————

Art is difficult because there is a desire, a necessity even, to acknowledge the observer.

I reassured myself for the longest time that I write for love of the craft and not for you, the reader. But to tell you a secret, every word I write, I think of you. In public. In private. And it is for this reason I adore you. I also loathe you for it. With a seething viscosity that seeps the back passages of the throat. Even as I write this, I imagine who might you be and what you’re looking for here and what you will take from these words I give you.

Does that make you feel special, my faceless darling? Do you feel properly romanced? Seduced, even?

So why this year-long blog? Lately life has felt like I’m just existing between people. I see who’s there, move and weave between these people, and exist in whatever space remains. This has been a common pattern in my life, I’ve noticed. I don’t think it’s necessarily good or bad. At its best, this life encourages an openness to other people and their livelihoods. But I’m exhausted moving around and would like to occupy the space to sit and be myself. In a way, writing carves for me that tangible space.

I also have not been taking my meds. It might be that. I also saw Unus Annus retrending on Twitter recently. It is mostly that.

I still cannot confidently tell you if Unus Annus’s name is also meant to be a sex joke. I say that with utmost reverence. But the thought behind making something that only lasts a year fascinated me. I avoid publishing my work primarily because I fear how this one snapshot will be available for all the world to access and perceive. I’ve published articles that lack the nuance of a me who’s experienced a few more years of life, and though I don’t regret publishing them, I fear how someone will interpret my work without understanding how much I’ve changed.

But that fear has also stopped me from sharing my life with people whom I do want to share it with! And they exist! You, for example! There are challenges to the temporary nature of this blog, but there’s also a freedom that I’m looking forward to sharing with you. I want to share my writing with you without feeling burdened by its lifespan. The one year limit is a reminder that whatever I post here is a reflection of who I was and what I did this year — nothing more, nothing less. And that short existence still can hopefully mean something to you and me.

I am a chronic editor. I reread text exchanges months past their receipt date for fun and examine how well they communicated their intent. I've already edited this post and will definitely do the same for whatever else gets posted here to better explain what I want my words to convey. But I want to keep this blog as a partial glimpse of whoever I was in 2023, and that will hopefully counter the need to constantly recalibrate myself. And just. Move on.

There are caveats to this approach that I am considering and more than unlikely unconsidering. I don’t know how successful this blog’s temporal intentions will be. I can’t guarantee that I can successfully erase this entire blog’s existence. As much as I doubt someone will care enough, there’s screenshots. Word of mouth. The archive machine’s entire existence. The Internet is a terrifying domain of unknowns, and every day I live in fear and gratitude that I have no clue what this hellscape (affectionate, derogatory. slight bias for the former) will produce.

But it’s fine. We’ll figure it out.

The goal is to not write of you, to you. But it also is. To write is to demand someone’s time and ask that they see you.

There is a timed intimacy to written language that serves equal portions horror and allure. It comes with the self-centeredness of it all, I suppose. How sexy of it to do that.

———————

I’m going to avoid writing about writing like this for now. I find that excessive navel gazing into your craft interferes in your ability to actually partake in it. And for once in my life, I don’t want to overthink it and just wish to scream words into the void. Writing is already a bizarre hobby by nature. Isabel Kim wrote, “Writing is staring at a page or screen and hallucinating vividly or maybe not even getting to do that and you are mostly sitting lonely in your apartment and typing out words on a screen.” This might explain why most of my life just feels like one big hallucination.

Funnily enough, that quote was from a post that Isabel wrote on why she herself writes. So I guess I owe some self-reflection if I want to justify hallucinating for increased hours.

These days whenever I think about writing or any art, I keep revisiting the same question. What reminds me that I am alive? I'd like to tether my writing around that question, whatever angle I read it that day.

If you are here and I shared the existence of this doomed (intentionally or unintentionally, TBD) project, this indicates that I am somewhat comfortable with you witnessing me falling off my rocker, so to speak. Congratulations! Condolences! Whatever cocktail of the two that suits your tastes.

If you found this by happenstance or through word of mouth: I actually don’t know. (This will be a common theme). Enjoy the show, I guess. Tickets for future showings can be purchased at the door, if this one piques your fancy. Most likely I did not share this with you out of respect for your time and energy, but you’re also welcome to join us.

To be serious for a minute, though. However you arrived here, with or without invitation, I’m sincerely grateful for and humbled by your time and presence. You can thank my vanity for that (half a joke). Just leave me a little note saying you visited. My vanity will thank you for it.

If anything, I think that’s the captivating facet to publicity. That through this online medium, these words will reach people whom I wouldn’t have even considered, and the prospects of that discovery are both seductive and frightening.

What I gleaned from this reflection is that I am inexplicably drawn to things that make me both horny and afraid, ideally for the same reasons. Many kinks that previously made you go ".sorry, what." start to reveal more clarity through this lens, don't you think?

Are you entertained yet? Whatever the answer: good.

Here’s to the ride. See you in a year.

[an-overthinkers-way-to-life]

Blog #5 - Extended Reflection

Poof

“Ahh! Where am I? Who are you?”

“Well this is our room and I’m you from the future.”

“Oh… okay.”

“Wait, this doesn’t phase you?”

“Why would it? We both know how our funky brain works.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“So… why am I here?”

“Yes about that, you’re from January 2020 right?”

“Yes? It’s the 15th?”

“Perfect, just the person I need! So last night you did your drama motif performance right?”

“Yeah, it was awesome! And I know this sounds crazy, but after that performance, I have this weird moment-”

“Where you looked into the mirror and thought maybe, somehow, in this crazy state of the world you can do this for a living?”

“Wait. How do you- oh right this is the future.”

“Yes. Anyways, I’m writing an essay about this for my writing class. I just want you here for reference. You know, to make sure- ”

“It looks dramatic and tragic enough to get you a good mark?”

“God, you know me so well.”

“Well, I am you after all.”

“Okay, here is what I have for now,” I pass the laptop to the younger me, “It’s mostly fine, but I just don’t know how to explain that feeling we both got. I want a metaphor where people can still understand how we felt but something that they can still relate to.”

She touches the keypad and begins to scroll, “Oh wow, this is four pages long. How do you write so much?”

“Emotional outbursts and practice?”

She clicks her tongue, “Sounds about right. So… why is this incident out of every other crazy thing that has happened in our lives? I’m sure there must have been something more interesting than this.”

“You see that bag over there?”

“Yes? And?”

“It is filled to the brim with university student guides, and one of them might have the potential drama program of our dreams.”

“Wait!? You’re serious? You’re not joking?”

“No, I mean…” I sighed, “Really all because of that-”

“Moment.”

“Yeah,” I nodded.

“Wow, I…Thank you.”

“No, Thank you. I have to brainwash you after this though, so won’t actually remember anything from tonight.”

“It’s okay. At least we did it. Now, shall we continue?” 

“‘A coward. A crybaby. A waste of space.’ Short. Dramatic. I like that.”

“Thanks. I use a lot of brief sentences to emphasize the rapid change of emotions. The beginning also echoes back to something I have at the end so it really packs a punch. 

“I really like this coat metaphor you started with. The ‘smothering feeling’ and ‘directionless ticking’ are spot on.”

“Thanks, I used coat because in a way it’s like-”

“How actors put on different costumes and personalities to play different characters?”

“And this is why I trust you with this.”

“How do you come up with everything so fast? This might have been last night for me but it’s years ago for you.”

“Well, I actually have written down a list of ‘major theatre events’ over the summer for university supplementary applications so I won’t be scrambling on the day of. Then in class, I did a brainstorming session and that’s how I come up with some of the metaphors I used”

“So word vomit and rage writing?”

“Correct.”

“The imagery you used for the stage description really gave me goosebumps ‘an endless horizon of possibilities and a pit full of booby traps’ and ‘the lights brewed above us while the thick silence echoed our every word.’ It feels exactly like last night.” 

“I think it’s important to set the scene as something hauntingly beautiful. Show the stage’s best and worst traits so any reader can picture it. In turn, further understanding the fear and excitement.”

“Alright but this part really takes the cake. The way you compared acting to a mother reading a bedtime story is beautiful.”

“That’s actually one of my favourites. I really want to emphasize the way that comforting familiarity is taken away from me and nostalgic comfort is the ultimate strategy. It took me a long time to come up with that because I had a hard time coming up with good metaphors throughout writing this essay.”

“Well I think this is great, I hope you get a good mark on this.”

“Aw thanks, now before I send you back, remember, try not to be so hard on yourself. You’ll understand that later.”

“Um…ok? Well, it’s lovely meeting you, bye.”

“Bye.”

Poof 

[baekhvuns]

bodyguard live reactions written in notes because miss baekhvnus deserves it and because I am bodyguard hwa biggest enthusiast LETS GO.

yns daddy being protective we love to see it omg daddy?? "and if u do Mr park I won't spare u" DADDY INDEED.

HOLY FUCK WAIT SEONGHWA AASSASSIN I NEED TO SEE THAT HAPPEN SHIT SHIT omg "okay hwa" i love yn here pls don't be a dumb girl NOT HWA ALMOST STEPPING ON THE CAT?? WHAT DID SHE DO TO U.. DUMBLES cute name 😭😭😭 their interactions are the cutest omg and her calling hwa hwa or seong omg soul mates energy "its an order mr park" YES MOMMY

KAI? KAI OMG KAI IS BACK WOAH "I'm going to do my job" step on me park seonghwa STEP ON ME THIS IS SO WELL WRITEN OH MY GOD I FEEL LIKE I MIGHT DIE. they're best friends now :( my babies omg:( NAURR "they were my moms...""they what" SO CUTE.

THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS. THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS. I'M GONNA CRY??? HOLDING HANDS YALL WHAT THE HECK "then I'll save you" CRYING SCREAMING ABSNWMBEBSJDB he's looking at baby pics of her so cute he must've liked her ever since I don't make the rules SHUT UP "you'll be there for everything, right?" SHUT UP I'M GETTING BUTTERFLIES I love them sm omg might me my fav soulmate hwa so far😭😭😭 THEY'RE THE CUTEST HE EVEN TOLD HER TO ASK HIM NEXT TIME FOR A PARTY FUCK OFF

he's offering his arm for "walking purposes" SURE LIKE I BELIEVE ANY OF U MEN. real butterflies im getting now im gonna cry omg shut up he's so unreal i love bodyguard hwa so freaking much u have no idea I want one so bad he's so in love I'll cry ooh sugar mommy yn I love to see it im gonna kms (/joke this time i promise 😹)

"why did you lie, seonghwa?" "I'm your best friend aren't I?" KICKING MY FEET LIKE THAT ONE STTONG WOMAN BONG SOON SCENE INSANE GOD IM oh jesus he's leaning in oh my God

BROO WOO YEO JOONG MY BABIES I'LL CRY WOO IS SO CUTE I'LL EAT HIM

OOH SEXUAL TENSION HERE WE GO.. oh my :( poor yn but he's not playing with ur heart girl he loves u since u were kids OPEN UR EYES. OMG THE SCENE WITH THE 30K AND I THOUGHT IT WAS EXPENSIVE REMINDS ME OF TWISTED LOVE WITH ALEX AND AVA AW.. rings and walking in the rain what are you doing to me oh my God i want to experience all of these

oh my God he's training am i gonna see a kiss rn I better see a kiss rn my heart is making fast beats ah man fuck that old man he's gonna die soon anyway HWA GET THE GIRL.

THEY KISSED OH MY GOD FUCK YES I'M??? YES KISS YOUR GIRL MY BELOVED PARK SEONGHWA I'm having so many emotions rn u can't believe this I'm actually kicking my feet and cry bc how the hell is he SO WOW "im into many things" SHUT UP AND SHOW ME THEN WHAT ARE U WAITING FOR HOLY FUCK IM GONNA JUMP JUMP JESUS CHRIST NOT HER FUCKING FATHER DO U WANT ME TO KMS?

MAN FUCK HER DAD WHAT'S EVEN THIS SHIT why why why WHY like man wouldn't u like ur daughter who's gonna be in possible danger bc she's ur heir with the best bodyguard out there?? logical thinking is something he lacks. fuck u daddy...

"people can fight wars for love".. Duke and his general... KAI URE EVERYWHERE I'M. SCARED OF U I really hope that in the last story of seonghwa time-line we get to know his identity a ruby red pendant oh my god. Jesus seonghwa you're the dumb one in this story for fuck sake just kill her dad like kai said and let's live happily ever after "im nothing yn" SHUT UP BABY YOU'RE MY EVERYTHING AND MORE GOD YOU'RE SO I'M GONNA he did not just "someone who isn't like you" well now what am I supposed to be FINE? I'M NOT MISS BAEKHVNUS I'M NOT.

hold up FIVE YEARS LATER??? SHIT we r going fast hold on omg

GOD OMG THIS IS SO HOT "and you are?" "park seonghwa" SO HOT SO HOT WOAH this is so crazy

"all you see is seonghwa everywhere" wlel good for you appreciate it 😤 wait why I feel like yunho is not a newbie but actually does it to help hwa lmao sjdjf wait what if this time yn will reject him bc of what happened in khronos like a parallel???? God I hope that's not the case SHUT THE FUCK UP HE STILL WEARS THAT DAMN RING omg she didn't reject him I'm so happy

it's officially 4am and I do not regret one bit by staying up to read this. I've told you before and I'll tell you again, I'd wait a lifetime for one of your stories. this was absolutely insane, the roller-coaster of emotions being played in the last paragraphs and the way you portraited yn after the 5y gap.. wow. im so sorry im so shit with words but im seriously în love. this is probably my new favorite seonghwa time-line story, beating duke and his general and just friends - but that's just because im probably such a sucker for bodyguards - but seriously,, ik u said u wanted to get it over with and hope u won't disappoint but im seriously so happy for being team bodyguard hwa since the beginning and being its 1st supporter because it was so worth it. after the last few weeks this has been such a.. bless to me honestly and thank u sm for writing bodyguard hwa, thank you for the best story ever and just yk thank you for everything. I should go sleep now, ily🌃

😭😭😭 IM SCREAMING YELLING CRYING THROWING UP SHITTING IM FHWBFJWBDKS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS NOTES IM IN LOVE WITH ALL OF IT PLS 😭😭😭😭😭😭 tHANK YOU FOR LIKING THIS AND SENDING THIS IN IM ON THE FLOOR SILENT SCREAMJNGJRKSHDKS

DUKE???? YOU LIKE THIS MORE THAN DUKE???? IM????? HELLO?????

no bestie really thank you so much for liking it so much 😭😭😭 i hope it eased you a little after the past events !!!! please take care loads and get a burger bc >>>> and get a drink with it omg thank you so so much,,, for liking this and sending this in + thank you for being this happy!!!!!

[hexjulia]

Looking at the ao3 related post I briefly saw yesterday again because there is always an extreme amount of funny drama on any post related to it and meh.

there is so much I don't want to read (or don't want to read from some random fanfiction writer who might just be trying to tiltilate instead of treating sensitive topics with the care and purpose they deserve). but the language of moral outrage in response to fiction on ao3 sounds extremely similiar to the language of moral outrage I grew up with in fundamentalist circles and it so obviously comes from a similar messed up emotional place. Funnily enough it also has a lot of emotional tone in common with deeply online self-described'radfem' types. It's just not the right approach to the discussion. I do think some things would be better off not published, tbqh I do not think something like fiction about real life living minors should be allowed to be made public at all, ever, yes including if written by other minors. It just seems like something with the possibility of being extremely detrimental to real individuals, especially when they don't truly have a Public Persona managed by a team of adults but are a bunch of kids with twitch/youtube channels, essentially. Which does enough harm to them on its own. So.

Intuitively? I'd say something like rpf about living people, adults too, should be handled with extreme care in general (thinking of the disaster that is I Love Dick lol) and probably isn't suitable for ao3 at all (though as ILD shows it's not like you can trust published writers with it either sgeh) BUT then again you know what. I love that there's incredibly bad fiction about major world leaders on AO3. I think it's very funny and great that it's possible so...whatever I'll just admit I don't know where the line should be drawn even just with rpf exactly. I think the fact that you can write disgusting little stories about world leaders is great even if I'm not going to read them.

To use a particularly awful example, I don't think Putin/Trump omegaverse fic is adding anything to the world. But it's very funny and good that it's allowed to exist in all it's disgusting stupid glory. And I just don't think the censorship discussion is one that should be held on the terms set by the people generally doing the accusing now.

There's this widespread tactic of trying to essentially smear anyone who disagrees on what should or should not be allowed in fiction --would be extremely funny if it didn't seem to be effective with teens and older people with about the same amount of life experience/education as teens. It's extremely destructive tho. It more or less kills any meaningful discussion.

OH btw very funny feature from that post--

i saw someone who had an about listed themselves as a 'white 20 year old spaniard' trying the 'racist of the replies bringing up the person running is from mainland china' which is Disgusting, ergo censorship is Right uwuvism approach.

....which was brought up in the original thread by people from China among others, who wondered if her candidacy might be connected to an absolutely wild saga wrt some actor called XZ and the way his fans apparently used the CCP to bring down ao3 in china for what seems like decidedly not the right reasons. i have no idea if any if it is true but absolutely wild. There is apparently drama on weibo about this person's candidacy. It is not racist to bring up possible context for her statements.

It is actually probably a bit racist to ignore concerns and further possible context (as well as what sounded like concpiracy theories ngl some of it was downright batty) from people from china or more familiar with ao3 in china on the basis of their...being from china or interested in it tho have you considered that lol.

Anyway god isn't going to save us from stupidity and I don't think anyone else will either. So many crops are failing and people are being very stupid about that here also, which is probably a bit more relevant in general but far more depressing to think about. 😖

[anxiouspotatorants]

It is time. It is finally time for the new Suicide Squad rant (and spoilers will be plentiful):

As someone who was into DC Comics and comics in the mid to late 2010s and had so much hype for the first Suicide Squad movie only to be let down, I was so nervous for this one. I knew it was going to be a roller coaster, but whether I would come out happy or disappointed was up in the air. Having just seen it I will say this: I have no idea if this was a good movie-movie. It was insane. The comedy. The violence. The high emotion. I’m still trying to take it all in. But one thing I do know is that this is an amazing Suicide Squad movie. Gunn and co took the best parts of the comic concept and went batshit with it and that is how this property should be handled (in my opinion). Screw edgelordisms, we need full on insanity free of aiming for shock-value or sexy brutality we want chaos baby.

Starting the whole movie as they did, with Savant as the POV for a mission (or part of the mission) that just goes to hell immediately and kills off so many before the title arrives is the perfect way to start this movie. Like the second I realized this was how they were doing it I was just smiling from ear to ear, this is the spirit of the property.

Part of me wishes we got more Amanda Waller, but what we had was impeccable. Then again, this is Viola Davis we’re talking about, and if she was born to play any character in a superhero story, it is Amanda Waller.

And points to her tech team, introducing them with the death bets was just a lovely way to show how regular this is and how awful everyone is in this movie.

I’m not going to pretend like Deadshot and Bloodsport didn’t have the exact same character- and plot premises… but I will say that Bloodsport felt better executed.

I love that they kept some of the past members and not just Harley. Rick Flag got to have a full personality and interactions with his team members and to be a true leader and it made me so happy for someone who initially did not give a single shit about his character. The Harley friendship? The Dubois friendship? The friendship with that guerilla leader? Amazing. The one American soldier in fictional media I genuinely like. You go Mr Flag.

The new members were… they were insane in the best way. Gone are the shitty stereotypes and present are some of the wackiest creations to ever grace the mainstream movie-sphere (aka the slightly less normal comic creations): A man who has to shoot out polka dots two times a day so as not to die from a space virus. A giant child murdering weasel. A guy who detaches his limbs and slaps people with said detached limbs. King Shark. The second person to command rats with a fancy gadget. They are all crazy and all weird and all more or less morally repulsive people and I love them.

The amount of times I did a double take over the soundtrack I swear. Jessie Reyez? The Pixies? It was so much fun to pick up on once I did.

Was the depiction of a vague Latin American country stereotypical? Yes. Was the secret American involvement predictable and felt mildly patronizing from a non-American, part Latina point of view? Yep. But damn it if I didn’t have a good time with those stereotypes and laugh my ass off at how well executed some were. I don’t know if it was meant as parody, but that one secretary has me thinking so — and if so I am pleased.

Speaking of Latino dictators Harley’s one day romance with one of the villains was something I never knew I needed. Like it was so perfect for Harley that when it happened I almost hit myself for not realizing that this kind of plot should be a normal thing for Harley. And the end of it? Perfect not only in this standalone movie, but also in conjunction with the first and with BoP.

The Taika Waititi cameo??? Oh my god??? I did not expect that and I love it?? Sir, What We Do in the Shadows is impeccable.

Rick Flag’s death actually surprised me. It shouldn’t as this is Suicide Squad, but I kind of expected him to be on Harley’s level of unkillable (because let’s face it, no one kills Harley). What I will say is that his death was good and his final words and actions made me love him all the more. I hope this spawns more Rick Flag content, or at least inspires me to look at what already exists, if he already is as this movie made him (it’s been ages since I read one of the Suicide Squad reboot comics okay).

Starro. How can a villain be so wacky and so terrifying at the same time? I did not expect a literal alien starfish to have more terrifying powers and a more tragic plot execution than Enchantress. But here we are. And that damn star just wanted to be floating in space, and instead it was stuck getting revenge by killing and puppeteering human corpses. Wow that thing was creepier the more you think about it.

I don’t know what I think about Polka Dot Man. I loved watching him on screen but also damn those mommy-issues were on a new level. Not just in his backstory but how he literally sees her in every person around him that was insane. Very funny but like also the kind that makes you laugh just because you’re uncomfortable and don’t know how else to releive the tension.

When Waller got knocked out by a staff member I immediately thought «oh my god Amanda Waller is going to kill half the staff for this», so I’m mildly surprised and disappointed that I didn’t get to see that happen. But also I should maybe expect something like this in a potential future Suicide Squad movie. We can’t have everything in a movie as packed as this.

Peacemaker was very horrible and worked really well. Don’t really have much to say about him, not because I didn’t enjoy him but because I already feel like the film itself has said it for me. But the planting and payoff for his death? Chef’s. Kiss.

Harley’s wardrobe was beautiful. Ratcatcher 2’s combat outfit felt like a steampunk plague dream. Bloodsport’s mask was supercool. Rick Flag’s t-shirt was amazing. But the best little outfit was the Mafalda-keychain and her red dress, hands down. Oh and King Shark’s fake moustache finger moment.

King Shark is shaped like a friend I don’t care how many people he ate alive on screen he looks so huggable. It feels like wanting to pet a bear. You know it will kill you but damn it look at those paws and those cute eyes!

I really need to give it to not just James Gunn but the entire production team for this movie. The aesthetic was perfect. The story was the right blend of whimsical and violent. The finished product was a literal rollercoaster and I mean that in a good way. If superhero movies have to be like amusement parks, I hope they’re more like this one and BoP.

I’ll finish on the note that while I think this movie was great and hopefully a step in the right direction for the DCU/DCEU (as in stop trying to play Marvel’s game and just do your own thing/ let your creative teams run wild and free), it is not the first step. Cathy Yan, Birds of Prey and the production team for it took a step first, and they deserve due credit and attention. If you loved this Suicide Squad movie and haven’t watched BoP yet, do so. Because they really are in the same ballpark while doing things in slightly different ways. And any good DCEU movie deserves more attention so the studios know that creativity and risks should be rewarded. I want more DC movies like this, not necessarily in genre but in creative risks. I want a Black Canary rock movie. I want Alfred in a reverse heist movie alone in the batcave against Gotham villains. I want Gotham Academy on screen play by play from the comics. I want a fully animated psychedelic-like Khalid Nassour as Dr. Fate movie. I want elevated horror movie Constantine. I want weird ass Lois Lane journalist movies with a heavy side of Superman. And I want DC movies I didn’t even know I wanted.

Support creativity in mainstream comic movies. Help me become a DC fan and happy about it again.

[banqdanfnfic]

which, as they kiss, consume | jjk

you just wanted to get a tattoo from your boyfriend

pairing: tattoo artist!jk x reader

genre: established relationships au, tattoo artist au, smut

word count: 4k

warnings: unprotected sex, biting, making out, grinding, licking, nipple play, jk has a lip ring, oral (f receiving), fingering, shy jk and oc, sexual tension, slight choking, slight aftercare

♫ : Streets by Doja Cat, Candy by Doja Cat

♡ Aesthetics: Playlist | Moodboard

He visibly chokes on his glass of beer as he almost snaps his neck to meet your gaze. He could say that you were awfully drunk and hence the sudden confession out of the blue, but behind your heavy lidded eyes, Jungkook could sense that you were serious.

“You what?”, he gulps abruptly, moving closer to your face, doe eyes pleading to repeat yourself.

“Yes Kook. I want that tattoo on my breasts. I’ve decided”.

It’s not that Jungkook didn’t have experience in his career with inking on different parts of a human body. He just had never given a tattoo to someone who is romantically associated with him and the thought of seeing you half naked made him chuck down the rest of his drink in one go.

The most physical he had ever gotten with you was a kiss shared occasionally since it’s only been over two weeks you had started dating. Okay maybe you made out once in his car but that’s it. It never got to the point of shedding clothes or anything intense.

“Are you sure?”

You giggle at the sudden hoarseness in his voice and nod positive. Ironic how his aura never matched his personality. His inked skin, athletic body proportions covered in black monochrome bad boy outfits gave out default energy that he is a local heartthrob with multiple chicks wrapped around his finger each night and a heavy demeanor to carry in his smirk.

You were one of those believers until Jungkook asked you out in the most hopeless romantic way possible after constantly visiting the café you work in, a few shops besides his parlor. He was a gentleman with respectful boundaries, warm hands to hold yours and sweet sensual kisses though you are pretty sure he probably has a good game.

For any outsider it looked like those cliché bad boy and shy girl love stories, but for real both of you were a good percentage of introverts.

Jungkook runs his tongue around his lip ring while he is stressfully ruffling his dark locks into a mess. He is trying to explain his reasons to postpone your decision considering how shy he got at this point. But then that’s exactly why you were requesting him with soft eyes, it would be so uncomfortable to be shirtless in front of anybody else. Or maybe it’s your way of saying the relationship is open for higher levels of physical affection.

After debating around in vain, he finally hums and clears one of his slots for his beloved client.

Friday approaches way quicker than you assumed and now your heart is beating in your throat. Right after you are done cleaning the tables, you have to make it to Jungkook’s parlor for your appointment.

Running on three hours of sleep, black under eyes even after a decent amount of makeup, you groan as you check yourself out in the mirror. You opted for a simple shirt and skirt (also known as the outfit you bought for occasions with Jungkook), light beach waves resting on your shoulders. Hoping that a few cups of coffee will save you, you stride across the street to stop before the infamous parlor he worked in. Hopefully the full body shave and chocolate body butter has kept its excellence on your skin below the clothing.

The door chimes as it opens with a dragged creak on the musky wooden flooring. It felt like an otherworld where air smelled like men’s perfume and faint tint of cigarettes. In other words, intoxicating.

You ask the first person you meet at the reception, one of Jungkook’s companions at the shop and he assists you to his cabin located at a comfortably remote location.

His space is hidden with a simple black curtain. You are met with Jungkook’s back facing you, working determinately on a client’s arm and cares to spare a glance only when the guy with you is informing him about your presence.

“This will be over in a few”, he grins to your face and goes back to focusing his coil on the skin of a woman in her late twenties laying down his chair. The vibration from his inking machine fills in the silence and you excuse yourself to sit on a small black couch beside them.

This was the first time watching him at work and now you can understand why people rumored so much about his attitude because damn it is intimidating.

Brows knit together and inked muscles flex as he drags the needles around for finishing touches. Meanwhile you can pretty much smell the drool from the woman who is shamelessly checking out your boyfriend. Though you are pretty sure Jungkook gets such glances more than he can count every day, you can’t help but feel jealous. Partly because of the childish possessiveness and partly because you want to be the reason behind his dark eyes and intricate concentration, in profession or not.

To stop from mentally throwing daggers on the client’s way, you grab a random fashion magazine from the side table and flip through pages, though other four senses are inclined on your man. With a close attention to his low sigh you conclude that he is done.

The customer with now a fresh tattoo on her arm is discussing random useless topics to get him to talk, a very vain job realizing how Jungkook doesn’t bat a friendly lash at anybody, especially to those who hit on him. To be honest a large part of the ink business was linked with the obsession to attractive people who worked here, even if it meant trading an area of your skin. You grip the edges of the magazine a bit hard, not able to contain the sanity particularly at the high pitch voice she mumbles in before finally leaving his cabin.

A little excited and a lot nervous, you stand up as Jungkook bids goodbye to the third person.

He is quick to notice your discomfort, though not sure if it was the woman or the thought of finally getting the tattoo, he knew you were nervous and surviving in several cups of espresso by the dark circles slowly showing through the faded layers of your concealer. But nothing pulls down the opinion he has about you, beautiful and simple, no dramatics attached.

“Hey are you okay?”

You nod as soon as you sit down on the black tattoo chair, shifting a little to find a comfortable position. He is taking out a box full of equipment and fine needles, already making you break a sweat at the side of your forehead.

But more than that, it’s the way he is sharp and professional that catches your attention more.

You have never seen Jungkook this serious before. The choice of his vetiver perfume digging through your nostrils was driving you insane. If he doesn’t smile soon, you are going to melt into a puddle at his gaze.

“Are you nervous?”, he smirks this time, a newfound reason for your worsening gut health.

It’s mostly going in cycles at this point. Every bit of his skilled motion causes a vigorous hormonal reaction which initiates his next set of effortless teasing.

“I’m a little nervous”, you say, fiddling with your freshly painted nude nails.

“Me too”

It’s something you least expect to come out of his mouth observing how confident he looks right now. He basically has you cornered with his gaze. But whenever he had been truthful about his emotions it felt like a hug.

“I can take off my shirt too, so that we are even. Is that okay?”

He said it so softly like he is handling a child and the duality of the situation had your mind fogged and limbs frozen for a few minutes.

“Yeah it’s okay” It’s far beyond than okay. It’s great actually.

Jeon Jungkook is ripped, a Greek God sculptured masterpiece covered in self designed artwork you are more than happy to wake up to every morning. He hears you gulp at the feast before your eyes while he discards his black t-shirt to a nearby chair.

Now you don’t know if this whole thing is supposed to warm your heart or make you play several erotic fantasies like a movie before your eyes.

Both of you share a small smile while his long fingers are tugging at the hem of your shirt and pulling it up over your head.

He almost wishes you don’t opt to wear a bra but he is met with lacy black, a-bit-over your-usual-budget fabric hugging the roundness of your breasts.

It seemed like you were way too competitive about today. Anything less than complete awe from Jungkook for you was straight disappointment, you don't want anything less.

Well it seems like it did from how blown his pupils were at this point. He peels his gaze off your chest with a sharp gulp to look at your eyes suddenly devoid of any fear and staring back at him with all ease. He is filled with an exapnse of warmth and he isn't sure why does spending just a little amount of time with you had such a grip on him. He can’t wait to propose the idea of getting a couple tattoo together soon and as far as you know how Jungkook is, he is very serious with his body art so apparently he does trust you a lot already.

“Where exactly are you trying to get it?”, his voice is a lot deeper suddenly as he waits for your fingers to guide to his canvas.

You softly trace the spot at the upper circumference of your right boob, “Here”.

You suck a breath through your nose as his own fingers are mimicking your gesture, lightly pulling down the lace to inspect the fitting of the design at hand.

These violent delights have violent ends

And in their triumph die, like fire and powder

Jungkook traces each word on your burning skin, now leaning dangerously close which was questioning your control to put your palms flat on his pecs. He doesn’t notice that though, his mind is busy creating his own fantasies about the women under him.

After two minutes and twenty four second long of inspection and mutual thirst, Jungkook is selecting a bunch of needles to set into the rotary machine. Five fine sharp like a painter's brush moves in and out at a set regularity as Jungkook tests it out.

The next of his actions had you flushed into a pool of crimson. He gently lifts up your resting torso with one hand while the other is unclasping the hook of your bra, making you half naked for the sake of the tattoo.

"I'm going to start", he says shyly.

You still have time to save yourself from the growing phobia for the object, but another unlogical part of your brain says it's a piece of cake considering you have a whole distracting full course meal in front of you.

It stings at first. Well, okay it hurts like hell but your face is devoid of any indication, except your right hand is gripping on the rim of the chair for dear life.

Jungkook on the other hand had never felt this much diversion of mind during his work. He knows that you are probably hurting very badly, especially for a first timer. He is biting into his lip ring, trying to get this over with for the well-being of your pain and his hormones.

After he had scribed one word into your dermis, you are no longer able to contain the ache so you give out a small squeak out of your glossed lips and the vibration of the machine at his hands stops as he looks at you.

"You want me to stop? ", he is relaxing his face as he cups yours with one hand. You don't want to answer that question, but the drumroll of the current situation is making your heart flutter and everything about the little burn on your chest is forgotten.

"No. It does hurt but I'll be fine I guess", you whisper. His breath is mixing with yours slowly as he is leaning more towards your face. If it isn't for a kiss then you are likely to be disappointed.

"It'll be over before you know it. I'll make it quick", and then he kisses you, a small act to get off the pressure of sexual tension between your bare upper bodies.

Before you think of any tongue in the act, he is breaking off the contact and returns to his position on your chest. He misses the pout that forms on your mouth but right now both of your heads are in cloud nine.

The pain starts again, only this time you are busy reliving how his lips felt in yours; soft, firm and controlled.

You gasp when you feel one of his hands cupping your right breast to further his design but it's lowkey an act empowered by lust which is straining behind the so called professional eyes.

You just sit there flustered out of your mind and then Jungkook is suddenly squeezing, full palm hiding your breasts like it's a protected treasure, but he isn't showing the slightest facial expression other than determined eyes and his lower lip caught between his teeth.

Fuck you can't take it anymore. Jungkook can feel your nipples harden against his hand and his brain isn't helping much to concentrate on the design. But by the grace of some positive karma left on his side, he makes it through the long text and when he is letting go of your chest and standing tall, your skin is popping out with redness on the places the text lays embedded.

He fishes out a mirror for you to look.

"It looks beautiful thank you Jungkook", you smile.

"Can I give you one more tattoo on your left one?", he asks while you are contemplating whether going through the pain is worth it, not to mention you really want to get back at a private space with Jungkook as soon as possible.

"It won't hurt I promise", and then he is kissing you a lot filthier than before; all tongue and teeth, while his hands are grazing on the skin of your waist, pressing a little firmer than before.

The coldness of his lip ring rivaled around your mouth, and you try sucking on it to which Jungkook responds with a growl and pushes his body adamantly against yours.

Skin to skin, you are lost in euphoria of everything happening and finally, you roam your eager hands around his body, to his pecs and the definition of abs.

As your fingers scraped against his scalp, Jungkook is biting eagerly down your jawline to your collarbone and continues his ministrations at a particular spot which is bringing out melodic moan variation from you.

He is going down your skin, licking on your left boob before he starts planting violet tattoos as he had promised. As if it couldn't get better, he is massaging the right breast, in a way to soothe pain.

He loses it when you stutter his name, but he is just a fucking tease when it comes to making love and doing anything in a public space is the last thing he wants to do. There isn't much room for all that he wants right now.

"Why did you choose this particular tattoo Y/n?", he rasps while he is planting small pecks on his artwork, and you reply when he is finally eye level with you

"I just felt like it's a good one", your breaths are uneven and mostly caught in your neck. He pecks your lips before speaking, "Those are lines from Romeo and Juliet".

He takes your hands to trace over a line of text among the many designs on his chest.

which, as they kiss, consume

"We pretty much have a couple tattoo now Y/n", his breath is matched with your pace and you are not very sure how to respond to this new knowledge.

"That's… hot"

You break into giggles along with him, he just can't stop dragging his lips around your skin, but he isn't able to word his feelings right now either.

"I have some aftercare healing ointment for the tattoo at my place, wanna come over?" Now that may be a little lame of an excuse to get his little friend out of his pants but you are too unfazed to analyse any of that.

His hands find place on your ass under the skirt as soon as the door to his apartment closes, and before you know it, you are in his bedroom, sitting on the soft mattress and tongue lost devouring each other.

While eagerly getting rid of every article of clothing, Jungkook notices that you don't have your bra on beneath the shirt, so it's probably back at the parlour, but none of you have the slightest care for it, might as well make an excuse with it later to fuck you in his cabin.

He is pushing you farther towards the headboard, him on top, grinding sensenslesy while your lips mould with his. Though he has his whole body pressed against you, you can't seem to feel his weight at the slightest, every one of his actions were just balanced and perfect.

As Jungkook goes down on you, his smile is evident against your skin, finally able to find out how every one of those scenarios in his head will come to look like. He lets out a satisfied hum being finally able to suck on your tits, your fingers finding place on his hair, twisting it out of stimulation.

His pelvis is flushed harshly against yours, grinding and rubbing against your pussy for as long as he is rejoicing the feeling of moving his tongue around both the nipples.

He stops rubbing after some point and you whimper at the loss but his fingers are soon to meet your core as a quick apology. All your later moans are muffled on his mouth once again.

Feeling the controlled movements of his fingers on your clit, you dig your nails down on his toned shoulders. It's becoming impossible to reciprocate his lewd movements of tongue on your lips at this point as the excitement between your thighs is growing every passing second.

Your mouth remains slightly parted as he removes his face to watch you squirm underneath, lips swollen, deep red and glossy from all the saliva.

He pecks at the shell of your ear before going down past your navel.

You haven't had much heads in the twenty years of your life, most of the guys being completely against the idea which made you feel insecure to bring up the topic in bed, but Jungkook does it like his life depends on it.

He growls at the sight of you dripping into his sheets and he seems to enjoy the idea of being the influence behind it. But none is going through your head at the moment, not the metal on his lips grazing against your folds, or the fact that Jungkook is grinning each time you cry his name, it feels unreal to feel something like this.

His mouth is wrapping against your entrance and he is balancing your lower body on his palms to help him reach the right depths inside you. While all you can muster up is the strength to grope the bedsheets in your fist and close your eyes at the pleasure.

Jungkook brings his head higher to give some attention to the throbbing clit, catching it between his teeth and triggering the bundle of nerves just the perfect dose to have your hips jolting up to his face.

He can't take it himself when you are now whining and chasing for your release, so he is slightly humping against the bed to get some friction.

He licks a slow stripe up till your abdomen and slowly raises to your face, already fucked out and dishevelled to keep up with his dominant orbs.

He swears he had never felt so much warmth and care for sex with any of his previous partners, in relationship or not, all he could think is how good can he treat the pleading eyes underneath him.

"Is there something you like that you want me to do?", he says, fingers grazing once again to your crotch to not deny you from his contact. Only this time he is exploring the tightness of your pretty cunt with two skillful fingers.

Is there? You are not sure. Or in other words you are too caught up at the sense of him fingering you. It's not like you had enough experience or people who cared enough to ask that question. It astounds you that never in this entire foreplay he asked for any favor for himself.

"I'm not sure…", you whisper and then maybe you have something on your mind " um I guess I would like to be choked" Okay this felt embarrassing.

He smiles before sliding his free hand from your lips to your neck, and applies slight force, careful to not hurt you in the slightest bit.

"Is that fine?"

"Yeah", you muffle through the decreasing course of air.

He pulls up your face by the throat to attach lips once more. He just can't seem to get enough of kissing you senseless. Then, the tip of his long ignored cock is teasing the length of your pussy twice before it's stretching you out to the brim.

Bodies flushed and hot, his pace is deep and slow, making sure to kiss the cervix every time he is inside.

He watches as your eyes close shut and flutters around whenever he is grazing against your sweet spot. Both of your ears lost and eager for the moans looming out of each other, his more like what he sounds at the gym. Nice observation Y/n.

In this span of sexual energy you shared, you can make some obvious conclusions. Sex with him was surreal, both in terms of domination and the care he had. Rocking against him and keeping up with his hips was attainable— Compared to the intense eye contact he tries to hold, or the way he cups the side of your face and rubs the pad of his thumb on your cheeks while he kisses you during sinking back in, or the way his eyes glow at the beauty of your body open for him. It makes you feel special and it's difficult to respond to these gestures when you never felt this way before.

Jungkook could tell that from your face, but he hopes he lasts with you enough to help you know the worth you hold. You couldn't think too much about anything when you are busy squeezing around his length and coming twice in the first ten minutes.

By the third orgasm Jungkook is nearing his own and he pulls out to pump a few times before coming on your stomach.

"Was it okay?", his voice is all over the place, still balancing his body on his arms while you are amazed by his strength.

"It was amazing Jungkook", you smile. You have known a lot about Jungkook over the few dates you spent with him. That he likes literature, classics and philosophy, designs tattoos as a subconscious thing, that his game is A-1, and he likes working out almost three hours a day. Good for you. But it wasn't until now you know him to be gentle, like he is afraid to crush you under a feather touch. You don't know him as someone who is staring deep into your face after a good fuck, speaks nothing, smiles widely, and plants a peck on your forehead before getting off the bed.

He does the honors of cleaning both of your bodies with a towel, it's not like you have any strength left in you anyway. And then pulls out an ointment from the bedside table and plops next to your body.

"There. You need this to protect the tattoo", he takes off the nozzle and applies a required amount against the words on your chest and massages against them.

"Now go to sleep Juliet", he mocks, pulling up the sheets over you both "good night".

You snuggle against his hard chest, kissing his pecs before resting on it, "Good night Romeo".

thank you so much for reading!! please leave a feedback!!

★ taglist: @pjmochii (dm, ask or comment to enter the tl!)

★ credits: @/rainbeary on spotify : songs that'll make you feel everything's in slow motion playlist

★ banner & boards: by me :)

a/n: this is my first time writing smut and i basically died of second hand embarrassment during the process. pardon for my untalented ass, i tried this wip continuously for a week and i seriously don't think it could get anything better though it's probably not much.

© banqdanfnfic 2021, all rights reserved. do not modify, translate, or repost my works. modification, translations, and/or redistribution of my works on any platform is strictly prohibited.

[doyouknowbtsswag]

Discs|Tommyinnit|

(Takes place as actual Minecraft)

Tommy adored listening to Music since he was younger because of his older brother, Wilbur. Tommy's childhood was something special to him. He had a loving family which consisted of a father and two older twins. His father better known as Philza Minecraft was the perfect father, he was protective of his children and made sure they weren't hurt. His older twins were almost like different people. Technoblade always had his guard up and never really shown his emotional side except when he needed to, which never really happened. Techno also loved Greek Mythology and could quote almost every story by heart. Wilbur was more into making songs and singing he never really enjoyed violence, so he would play on his guitar while Techno trained.

Aside from his family life he had two best friends which were just as important. Tubbo was his right-hand man and was the first person to talk to him. His other best friend, Y/n was the person who he could always lean on and wasn't afraid to show his raw emotions. Sure he wanted to show his tuff side but the day you saw him cry was the time Tommy realized he could rely on you the most. Don't get me wrong he could rely on Tubbo as well but he made sure to put on a tough act for the boy because of his family life.

Tubbo's family was not the best, his father would always yell and neglect him, let's not leave out the fact that he's a drunk. His father always likes that but after his mom died his dad was heartbroken and it affected him he didn't pay attention to how his son felt. Being 6 years old and his mother passing away Tubbo didn't have the best childhood. So Tommy made sure Tubbo could lean on him.

Tommy was certainly the ring leader of the gang. He always suggested pranks and decided on games to play. Tommy wasn't happy he was younger than Tubbo but was happy he was older than Y/n. He always felt the need to protect you with every strength he could muster. His favorite game showed that. They played a game many kids played, the Knight, Princess, and the villain. Of course, Tommy was the knight and you were the princess tubbo would be the villain but sometimes Wilbur would play with them. Wilbur being 11 towered over them and was much stronger than the little kids which would make it 10 times more fun.

On his 7th birthday, he had a small party nothing too big, just his family, you and Tubbo. Tubbo couldn't get him much so he made Tommy a bandana. Even though Tubbo felt bad he couldn't give Tommy anything grand Tommy appreciated the bandana and put it around his neck showing Tubbo he liked it. Wilbur, Techno, and Phil gave him a copy of the family photo. It was rare to be able to take a photo so getting a copy of one made it just as great of a gift. Then the final gift was from you. You knew he loved music so you tried to get at least one rare Disc, but you managed to get two.

He stared at the Discs in amazement quickly running to the old jukebox his father owned. He put in the disc Cat. He smiled at the sound of the music, let's just say it was his favorite birthday gift he ever got. He hugged you which made you blush but you hugged back smiling. The others were awed at the sight. Wilbur managed to take a quick picture and made a mental note to get it printed out. It cost a lot but the now 12-year-old would do anything for his little brother.

A few months later Tommy woke up to arguing between his brothers and father. He silently stepped down the stairs making sure to go as slow as possible.

"What is up with you lately dad! All you do is stay in your room! You left us to take care of Tommy ever since you got that stupid letter a few months ago! Tommy hasn't noticed because of us!" Techno whisper yelled trying not to wake up Tommy which was a little too late.

"Not only that but you try to redeem yourself by giving us small gifts! Sure I appreciate it but I know why you're doing it! You don't want anyone noticing you've been acting suspicious lately" Wilbur crossed his arms.

"Keep it down you're gonna wake your brother" Phil whispered trying to stall the sudden outburst by the twins.

Tommy ran upstairs quietly putting clothes on to run to your house. He climbed out his window carefully. He would occasionally climb out his window if he was grounded to walk to Tubbo's house or your house. Right now he was on the way to yours.

It took him 10 minutes to get to your house. He grabbed a small pebble and threw it at your window. He threw 2 more before you opened the window looking down at the boy.

"Tommy what are doing here," I said watching the boy climb up to my window. He looked upset. Sitting in my bed.

"They're fighting again..."

"Whos fighting?" I asked sitting next to him.

Tommy was looking down tears streaming his face.

"My brothers and dad" He whispered. "It happened last week too but it wasn't that bad but they've been fighting more recently and I don't like it" The 7-year-old sniffled.

"Do you know what they were arguing about?" I asked placing my hands gently on his.

"My dad has been acting differently apparently" He sighed wiping his tears " I didn't notice but apparently it's so obvious to Techno and Wilbur"

"Maybe your dad is working on something really important," I said not knowing how to fully answer.

"Probably" He muttered

"Hey, I know how to cheer you up!" I said running over to one of my chests.

I looked through a few chests trying to find a music disc to play for Tommy. When I finally found it I ran to the Jukebox and put it in the slot. The disc played Chirp throughout the room. I look over and saw Tommy smiling just a bit.

"How do you have so many Discs," Tommy asked standing up walking to the Jukebox.

"My grandpa had a bunch before he died, he gave them all to me because when I was younger all we did was listen to the discs" I smiled at the memory.

"So why did you give Cat and Mellohi to me?" He asked

"Because your my favorite person in the world" I looked at him smiling I could see his face turn red which made me giggle.

"You're my favorite person in the world too," Tommy said pulling me into a hug to which I hugged him back.

"Thank you..."

"Your welcome Toms"

He pulled away from the hug and looked out the window seeing the sun slowly rise.

"Oh crap, I have to go before I get caught" He panicked running to the window.

"wait!" I ran and grabbed Chirp from the Jukebox running to the window hanging me the disc. "Take it"

"But I thought-"

"Let that disc remind you of me if you ever need to let out your feelings"

"Thank you" He smiled kissing my cheek then climbing down the house.

"Thomas!" I shouted but still smiling.

"Bye" He grinned waving

"Be safe" I whispered watching him run off to his house.

Tommy ran as fast as he could to his house before the sun could rise any longer. He climbed up to his window jumping into his room. He was holding the disc carefully when he was climbing so he didn't scratch it. He laid in bed out of breath from running but thank god he made it back before anyone noticed.

A few weeks later you suddenly stopped coming over to play with him and Tubbo. Tommy just thought you had something to do with your family as you did every so often. Days turned into weeks. He sat every night looking at the picture Wilbur took on his birthday of you guys hugging. It didn't sit right that you hadn't shown up or even sent a message that you were away. It confused him.

The next day he begged his family to take him to your house. Yes, he knew how to get to your house but he still wanted one of his brothers to go with I'm knowing his father was still busy. Tommy asked Wilbur in the morning but Wilbur said he was busy today and maybe tomorrow. Tommy had to go today no matter what so he ran to Technoblade's room knocking on the door. Only for Techno to say he was busy and not to bother him.

He sighed knowing he would have to go himself. He put his jacket on and shoes. He walked out of the house and made his way over to your house. Tommy ran to your house concerned, he had a bad feeling and wanted to make sure you were okay.

He saw your house and sprinted faster when he arrived he walked to the door seeing it partially opened. He opened the door all the way seeing the inside of the house destroyed. He walked inside looking around.

"Y/n?" He said seeing shattered glasses on the ground.

"Y/n?!" He saw blood on the ground which made his breath hitch.

"Y/N!" He ran up to your room panicked only to be faced with a pool of blood on the floor.

"No no no no no no," He said his body giving out on him making him fall to the ground blood getting on his clothes and shoes.

He didn't bother to get up and leave. He physically couldn't get up his body was in a paralyzed state so he was forced to lay where you possibly died. his breath was heavy and it was like he had no oxygen in his lungs. he wanted to cry for help but the way he was breathing, it was useless to try. He eventually passed out due to a lack of oxygen.

When he woke up it was night. He still laid in your bedroom but this time he could actually breathe. He then realized he had been gone all day and didn't know what time of night it was. Tommy slowly got up looking at his bloodied clothes. His tears silently fell as he made himself walk back to his house. He wasn't bothered by the noises of the creatures around the area. He couldn't care less if he got hurt because he had a bigger wound that no one would ever be able to fix.

The house lights were on and he saw people sitting outside. He walked closer and saw his family with worried looks on their faces. When they heard footsteps they looked to see Tommy slowly making his way to the door. Wilbur immediately ran up to the little boy pulling him into a hug.

"You had us all fucking worried!" He pulled away from the hug only then noticing the blood. "Holy shit your hurt"

Tommy just stood there no words came out of his mouth as his brother brought him inside to check his "wounds". He was sat on the kitchen counter as Phil raced to grab the first aid kit. when Wilbur went to take Tommy's shirt off to clean the "wound" He says nothing but dried blood.

"Tommy?..."

"She's gone....."

"What?"

"Y/N IS GONE!" His sudden outburst made the 14-year-old jump.

"She's dead Wilby" He sobbed Wilbur pulled the boy into a hug and tried calming down the younger boy. Tommy eventually fell asleep and Wilbur changed him into his pajamas taking the bloody clothes to the washer.

10 years later he sat in exile he lost his precious Discs and was now sent out of the land that he built with Wilbur and Tubbo when Phil went missing and Technoblade left. Wil eventually died by his own father. It was the first time he had seen Phil in 10 years only to see him kill one of the only people who stuck by him.

He then lost Tubbo who exiled him for a stupid prank he did on George's house with Ranboo. Tommy wasn't the type to snitch on someone so he took the blow for Ranboo. He had officially lost everything he ever cared about, the only thing he had left was a picture of you and him hugging when he was 7 years old.

"Tommy?...."

"Y/n?!"

------------------------------------------------------- Just thought of this randomly. ✨YOU ARE AMAZING AND PERFECT THE WAY YOU ARE! YOU ARE WORTH IT ON SO MANY LEVELS✨