#because that's just unnecessary and rude regardless of what it's about and i would assume it's just somebody looking to stir things up

[lock-my-feelings-in-a-jar]

Please BE EXCITED about stuff you like/ want to be excited about 💞 That's what life supposed to be about, finding joy in the smallest things, in the things we enjoy and love. And the people that judge us for having that joy in our hearts lose their own life, because they spend too much time judging someone else's life instead of doing something with their own. FUCK them

this is one of my favorite asks and i love you

[eighthdoctor]

Would Jaina and Sylvanas have autism clashes?

Opened this 3 times to answer before tonight finding the brainspace* to do so

Unfortunately simple answer is I don't think so, because most autism clashes (I assume, it's not a phrase I've used or seen used before, but my assumption is it's "I need to stim" vs "I need everything to Stop Happening"??) rely on either social pressure or just...physical pressure to keep the two people in the same space.

If Jaina needs to stim and Sylvanas is going to pull her hair out if there is ONE MORE unnecessary noise--one of them leaves. Not even a question. If Jaina needs to infodump and Sylvanas is already overstimulated, again, someone leaves--we're currently still at the point where Sylvanas would rather be rude than put up with discomfort like that, and by the time we're not, they'll have like. Talked. I say, wistfully.

What they do have, a lot of, are trauma clashes, where either one of them doesn't realize that she's been triggered, or where one's response to the trauma is antithetical to the other, or where one of them was involved in the trauma...

From ch3:

“What would we talk about?” she says before Proudmoore can offer any more suggestions. “What topics do you think Shaw would find acceptable to discuss with the Warchief? Supply issues, perhaps? Problems with integrating Kul Tiras into the Alliance?” Proudmoore snaps, “I don't answer to Mathias Shaw,” which is probably even true. Sylvanas doesn't answer to Nathanos either. But she knows she'll have an extensive debrief with Nathanos upon her return, primary topic: Information given to and received from Lord Admiral Jaina Proudmoore. It would be insane for the Alliance to not do the same with Proudmoore. “Very good then, you won't mind me asking what the Alliance intends to do next.” Proudmoore is almost impossibly stiff, yet she doesn't jerk away. “There is a difference between military intelligence and just talking, Sylvanas!” “Warchief,” Sylvanas growls. It's proof—not that she needed it, not that she hasn't known—that the Alliance internally doesn't recognize her position as legitimate, that they still see her as Arthas's attack dog, rabid and fit only to be put down. Proudmoore slams her mouth shut with a click. “Warchief. There are topics other than the war, believe it or not.” “Are there?” The tone is scathing—deservedly so—but the question genuine; everything in Sylvanas's life comes back to war sooner or later. “What could we talk about that has no military application? Should I tell you my favorite haunts in Orgrimmar, so that you might inform SI:7 and I may look forward to a knife in one of them? Or would you like to share your comfort food and pray, I presume, that I don't use that knowledge to slip something into it?” Proudmoore grumbles wordlessly; but before she can move to either argue further or concede the point, Sylvanas presses ruthlessly on with bared teeth. “Or, perhaps, we could compare boyfriends. I understand that is a common topic at sleepovers,” she says, aware that the dig is incomprehensibly far over the line; that whatever Proudmoore deserves for being outrageously naive, this is beyond the pale. The words push out regardless, driven by a hot, pulsing need to make someone else feel just as rotten and angry as she does. “You go first. Tell me, were there any signs, when you took Arthas Menethil—” “Shut up.”

Here Sylvanas was already uncomfortable (physical proximity + Jaina's willingness to be vulnerable (physically and emotionally) to her) and does her normal "deflect by being snarky asshole" thing. This doesn't work well because they do need to remain in close contact and so neither can just move away.

Meanwhile Jaina got bored (fair) and understimulated so starts poking for things.

Jaina accidentally trips over one of Sylvanas's triggers (there is nothing but more violence), and Sylvanas...deliberately presses on one of Jaina's. This is a common pattern early on, where Sylvanas's response to her own trauma is to try and make Jaina feel worse. It doesn't always go well.

[lucent-knight]

Ok, so this is my post on hogwart house stereotypes. Now let me make this clear that I am a Slytherin and I have seen the change in the fandom regarding my house but there are still some people who don’t get that. Not only that but other houses also get hate in their own ways so I would like to address that issue.

The first thing is that the author of the books a lot of us love and consider our safe place has already caused a lot of trouble and I don’t want you interacting with my content if you support JKR. The fandom should be a safe place for people not a place where they get more negativity and hate.

First and foremost I want to talk about my own house Slytherin:

Being a Slytherin doesn’t mean someone is evil or is a horrible person, it means that they are resourceful, ambitious, cunning and the type of people who calculate their moves and try to be a few steps ahead.

Slytherins were portrayed as the evil house in the books and movies but we have a lot of people such as andromeda black who left her family for love and a happy life, Regulus black who at the age of 18 figured out the horcruxes and destroyed one of them, we have slughorn who was a loving teacher and made the slug club and invited promising students in it regardless of their house and so many more other wizards and witches we never came to know about.

Our house is not defined by people like Voldemort who tried to push blood purists, Severus Snape who bullied children and discriminated between his students, and all the other horrible death eaters.

Also Slytherins are ambitious and that is a trait that can go in a really good or a really bad way.

Please for merlins sake don’t say things like “you are too nice to be a Slytherin”, “why are you so happy to be in Slytherin” , “Slytherin is the worst house” and don’t assume that someone is not nice just because they are in Slytherin.

We also love our house and are proud of it.

Just like that Gryffindors are also facing unnecessary hate just because they are hyped in the books and it is not their fault that the main character is in Gryffindor.

Being a Gryffindor does not mean that someone is unnecessarily rude and loud.

It does not mean that they are vain idiots who jump in any stupid thing just because they are the brave sort.

I know Gryffindors who are loud and cheerful, who jump in situations because they have a hero complex and that is something that goes against my previous statement but they are not rude or stupid because of that, it is a part of their personality.

Please don’t tell a Gryffindor that they are overhyped, that they are not really a Gryffindor and are lying to be considered cool, that they are stupid and idiotic just because they are a Gryffindor.

The Ravenclaw house are overlooked a lot and are misunderstood as hell and if some of my observations are wrong please do tell me I don’t have a lot of ravenclaw friends and neither am I a ravenclaw but my observations are that,

Being a ravenclaw does not mean that someone is a nerd or is the annoying fact correcting person.

It does not mean that they are the uncool people who would sit in a corner and just go on and on about the homework or schoolwork.

Being a ravenclaw means that you have a in-depth passion for learning new things and being a creative person who would try and find a solution for a problem.

The funny thing is that the ravenclaws I know are the people who would forget about their school work but would sit and research about their favourite topics for 4 to 5 hours straight because they want to know more about it.

We have amazing ravenclaws like Luna who does not care about what others think of her and lived in a unique way, Cho who was an amazing quiddich player and stood by her friend when no one did, Padma Patil who loved her sister even though she was in a different house and was a creative person and so many more people we don’t know much about.

Please don’t tell a ravenclaw that they are nerds who don’t matter, that they are the stereotypical studious kids, that they are the boring house.

The worst type of hate is given to the absolutely lovely Hufflepuffs and I am willing to finish you off for that,

Hufflepuff is not the house where all the unnecessary kids go, it is the house where the loyal and kind at heart people go.

Actually Helga hufflepuff said that she would take the people who don’t fit other house traits and honestly that is what makes them much more stronger than others because just imagine the level of diversity in that house.

They are not the all the stereotypical soft, fluffy people. I know a lot of hufflepuffs who look intimidating but are absolutely lovely people.

We have a lot of amazing people like Cedric diggory who gave up his life and told Harry to run when he could have avoided the situation, Nyphadora tonks who was an absolute punk rock icon, who could have used her abilities too be the most physically attractive person but choose to make people laugh by changing her appearance and fought until the end to bring a change and we have so many more amazing people in that house.

Please don’t tell hufflepuffs that they are the weak house, that they are unnecessary, that they don’t fit in if they are not too flowery and that they are unable to defend themselves.

At the end of it all I want to remind you that we are all a part of the fandom and the houses don’t divide us but only teach us how to be loyal to a certain group and tell us about our strong traits. Don’t stereotype people and spread negativity based on a small thing like houses. Try and make the fandom a positive space for the love and just spread love.

If you have your personal views on this post then do share it because I mostly have strong opinions on Slytherin and the other houses are mostly based on my conversations with the few friends I have from those houses.

[ssscentral]

Traveller

Summary : Jung Hoseok loves you, regardless of what universe you’re in and he’s going to make sure to find you no matter what. Good thing you feel the same.

Pairing : Dimension Traveller!Jung Hoseok x Dimension Traveller!Reader

Genre : Fluff, Established Relationship!Au, Sci-Fi, Fantasy!Au, College!Au

Rating : PG13

Warnings : Swearing

Wc : 4.7k

Member : Hoebii || @hoebii

A/N : First of all, thank you @eatjeanjin and @kerikaaria for being my amazing betas! You’re what made this story even readable ukfhgj Second, HAPPY BIRTHDAY @moccahobi!!! ILYSM HOPE YOU HAVE A BLAST TODAY BB <3 I hope you like this fic, I literally crammed 12 prompts into this fic and made this hot mess in a few hours lmao so hope this isn’t too hard to read sksksksk. Love you lots Lil bean, happy birthday and thank you for existing, you’re such a precious bb, always there for everyone. You deserve the world, love <33 Also the time stamp for the text isn’t canon, so ignore the time!

-----------------

“You will be transported to a new dimension after spending one month in each of them for this experiment,” the animated voice crackled from the speakers. “The inhabitants in those universes will already have memories of you to help you blend in easily. You are to live a normal life during these experiments while making sure not to disclose your true identities for that may cause unnecessary complications.”

The voice kept going on about the experiment that you no longer had any interest in after the first few minutes. You fiddled with the necklace around your neck in boredom while you waited for the meeting to be adjourned. This wasn’t the first time you were going to travel between dimensions and you were sure it wouldn’t be the last, so having to sit through the same briefing over and over again felt completely useless and a waste of time. 

The only reason you even attended these were to get your files for the potential dimensions you may get sent to. The management really needed to get their shit in control and stop sending you to these places with little to no information. 

You understood that these experiments were to test out the stability and how each universe was doing after being created but it made no sense for the management to send out travellers blindly like they do, they could at least provide you with a little backstory for your character rather than a list of ’potential’ places. Even those weren’t certain and that made no sense! For an organisation that thrived to keep peace and regulation of all dimensions, their system was chaotic as fuck.

You only came out of your thoughts when you felt someone nudge your leg under the table. Glancing up from your necklace, your eyes met that of a cheeky looking Hoseok who was now pushing a little harder against your leg, now that he had your attention. 

‘Hi,’ he mouthed happily only for you to answer with a raised eyebrow. ‘I miss you,’ he mouthed again, jutting his lower lip out in a pout. You snorted at his antics, coughing to hide your smile when the sound caught the attention of those around you. 

It was only when they shifted their attention back to the screen at the end of the room to continue with the briefing that was ongoing, did you finally look back at Hoseok. Rolling your eyes, you grabbed a pen and tore a paper from the diary they provided for the meeting before hastily scribbling down something and sliding it to the man sitting in front of you.

‘We’re literally sitting in front of each other.’

Hoseok picked up the paper and quickly read the content on it before grabbing his own pen to write his answer down and passing it back to you.

‘But I can’t hold your hand right now :(‘

You bit your lip to stop the smile that was fighting to shine through when you saw his adorable handwriting under yours. How someone could be as endearing as Hoseok was beyond you, but you loved that about him.

Wordlessly, you pretended to pay attention to the briefing once more while you slid your hand towards Hoseok to let him hold your hand. You could feel the way his smile brightened when his fingers intertwined with yours, squeezing it gently.

You shook your head as you bit your lips harder to fight the smile that was now on your face when you squeezed his hand back.

-----------------

Walking out of the conference room, your hand was still engulfed by Hoseok’s bigger one. Your face was flushed in embarrassment as you walked out. It wasn’t because you were holding his hand, but rather the fact that he never let go after the meeting was over. So you had to walk from your seat to the end of the table with the said furniture in the middle of you as you walked. 

“If I didn’t love you as much as I do, I would’ve kicked your ass by now, just so you know,” you grumbled as you walked down the corridor towards your shared room. 

Hoseok laughed, his grip around your hand tightening as he bumped his shoulder with yours. “Good thing you love me then! It would be a nightmare to jump between dimensions with you otherwise.”

“Who said it’s still not a nightmare to have you as my partner?”

“Don’t be rude.”

“Make me,” you teased before quickly freeing your hand from his and running towards your destination.

“Come back here!”

-----------------

It was the day of action, as you liked to call it, the day when you were supposed to start experiments. 

“You ready?” Hoseok asked as he came to join you in the transport chamber.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.”

“Promise to find each other no matter what?” he asked while putting his pinky finger out, smiling at you.

You laughed as you wrapped yours around his. “Of course.”  

“I’ll see you around then.”

You only hummed in agreement before pressing the power button on the transport bracelet and the world went dark.

-----------------

You woke up to the blaring alarm of your phone, blindly looking for the device to turn the godforsaken sound off. When you failed to find it, you pushed yourself up from your bed to scan the area, getting more irked the longer the sound went on. 

Finally, your eyes landed on the black vibrating phone on the ground and you had half a mind to just stomp on the damn thing and break it. Picking it up, you harshly tapped on the stop button and sighed when the apartment went quiet, closing your eyes to bask in the peace. 

Wait. Apartment? 

Your eyes shot open again as you examined your surroundings, trying to decipher which universe you were in currently. The place seemed like any other average looking apartment in a bustling city. You unlocked your phone when you felt it vibrate in your hand, realising it was a text from someone saved as ‘Chicky Chimmy’. 

Opening the conversation, your confusion only grew at the text.

“I’m a student, huh?” You pondered as you grabbed a random outfit for the day along with what you assumed to be your books on the reading table in your room. You then proceeded to head down and out of your apartment. “Could’ve been worse.”

-----------------

Stepping out of the elevator, you saw your… friend impatiently leaning against his car looking at you with displeasure all over his face. You gave him a sheepish smile as you approached him, praying to whatever higher power that he says his name for one reason or another. From the previous conversations you had after taking some time to go through your phone, the two of you were supposed to be best friends so you weren’t in a position to ask his name.

“Y/N our class starts in 30 minutes and it takes 30 minutes to get there!”

“Hehe?”

He faced palm, moving to go around to the driver's seat. “Just get your cute butt inside.”

----------------

The moment Chimmy parked his car inside the university, he dashed out of the car with you close behind, panicking about how mad the professor was going to be for being late.

You almost bumped into him when he stopped in front of a classroom, shooting you a nervous glance before slowly stepping inside the class. The two of you couldn’t even get two steps in before the voice of the man teaching the class boomed across the room.

“Y/L/N Y/N and Park Jimin. Late again, I see?”

Again? How many times have we been late before? Jimin’s a cute name though, perfect for him. You smiled slightly at your thoughts before fixing your expression to be neutral before the professor could catch you. 

“We’re so sorry professor! This will be the last time!” Jimin pleaded, fidgeting on his spot.

“That’s what you said last time, Mr. Park,” the professor replied, looking unamused.

“Pro-”

“I’m so sorry I’m late!” A new voice joins, the person who barged in after the two of you hunched over and panting from surely having run to class.

“Mr. Jung Hoseok, I did not expect such tardiness from you.”

Hoseok! You felt your heart rate kick up just at the mention of his name. It’s not often the higher ups make it easy to find your partner but it seemed that they were feeling courteous this time.

Hoseok’s eyes met yours and he flashed you a giant smile, one that had his eyes turning into crescents before looking back at the professor with a dashin smile. “I’m sorry sir, it surely won’t happen again.”

The professor sighed, rolling his eyes when he looked back at Jimin and you before muttering, “That’s what they always say.” Shaking his head, the professor gave a small nod. “Go to your seats and don’t be late again. Especially the two of you, Miss Y/L/N and Mr. Park.”

Jimin bowed before grabbing your hand and dragging you to the back of the room, taking a seat and patting the one beside him urgently. Glancing at Hoseok one last time, you sat beside Jimin. 

You couldn’t help but pout at the sight of Hoseok sitting somewhere else and already interacting with the strangers around him as if he knew them for a long time. He was always a social butterfly but it was always shocking to see him get accustomed to new universes so easily.

“You look amazing today, just so you know,” Jimin whispered in your ear, his eyes trained on the board even as he spoke.

“Thanks.”

-----------------

It was lunch time and Jimin had basically dragged you to the cafe near the university, claiming that cheap and instant coffee was the only thing his body needed to go through the day. 

“Coffee is great and all but you need actual food too, you know,” you nagged Jimin as he downed his second cup of coffee in one sitting.

Placing the brown coffee cup down, Jimin raised his index finger as if giving a speech. “People need a lot of things, doesn’t mean they have it though.”

You gave Jimin an unimpressed look. “Stop trying to be a philosopher and get some food in you, tiny.”

“I’m literally taller than you.”

“I will fight you, Park Jimin.”

----------------

“I still don’t get why we need to do this,” you grumbled as you stretched your hands and legs.

“Because,” Jimin said, dribbling the orange basketball as he waited for you to finish. “Warming up is important before starting any exercise to decrease the chances of pulling a muscle or something.”

You snort at that, stretching one last time before dropping your hands. “You make it sound like I’m going to exercise.”

“Y/N we’re literally in PE class.”

“And?”

Jimin could only give you an unamused look before shaking his head in defeat, his newly dyed pink hair bouncing from his movement. 

-----------------

You were sitting in the library surrounded by textbooks for the upcoming exam when you felt someone pull out the chair in front of you and take a seat. Paying them no mind, you continued drowning yourself with new information from the book when you felt someone nudge your leg under the table.

You glanced up from the textbook in front of you to see none other than Jung Hoseok sitting in front of you with a smile. Just before you could shoot him a smile and delve into a conversation, your brain reminded you of the fact that it had been a week since you came to this dimension and this the first time he tried to come talk to you after seeing each other in that one class on day one. 

Scoffing, you looked back down at your book, ignoring the way he nudged your leg again to get your attention.

“Are you mad at me?” He finally asked when he realised that you were ignoring him.

“What do you think?”

“What did I dooooo?”

You slammed the pink covered book in your hand shut, looking him in the eye. “What did you do? Oh I don’t know, maybe because you basically ignored me for a week? Acted as if I don’t exist?”

Hoseok frowned, trying to take your hand in his but you moved away from him. “I’m sorry baby. I’ve just been so swamped with work. Did you know I’m the dance club leader and a part of the student council in this universe? I swear I would’ve come up to you earlier if I had the time!”

“I tried talking to you a few days back, you acted as if you didn’t even know me,” you replied, not being able to hide the hurt from your tone. “You didn’t seem busy then, you were just having lunch and laughing with your friends.” 

“Baby…”

You sighed, pushing away the chair and standing up. “Forget it, I’ll see you around, Hoseok.” Collecting your books, you gave Hoseok one last look before walking away.

-----------------

You were currently playing with the dog Jimin recently adopted on his couch when he plopped down beside you with snacks. You had come over for movie night but now you were more interested in playing with his dog than the movie.

“So you going to tell me why the Jung Hoseok has been following you around like a lovesick puppy for the past week?”

“No, because there’s nothing to say,” you replied, not paying much attention due to the energetic puppy that was jumping about on your lap.

Jimin groaned, placing the bowl of snack down on the coffee table and then taking the chocolate coloured labrador puppy away from you - much to your protest. “Stop playing with Doggo and give me the tea!”

“I still can’t believe you named your dog Doggo.”

“That is not the main topic of this conversation and you know it!”

You sighed, rolling your eyes so hard that your head hurt a little. “There’s nothing to say, Hoseok and I talked in the library when I was studying for the test and then had a little argument and I left.”

Jimin scoffed, his lips pulling into a pout as he crossed his arms. “That’s the weakest tea I’ve ever gotten. Give me the details! Since when do you two know each other enough to be having ‘fights’?”

“I-” you stuttered, trying to come up with an excuse. “We don’t! He just approached me in the library and I found him really annoying.”

Jimin gave you a skeptical look. “Y/N… You’ve had a crush on him for like a year now. You find him annoying?”

“Yes?” You answered, though it sounded more like a question. “What do you want me to say something like ‘Oh we’re actually dimension travellers and know each other from before and this is all just an experiment? Don’t be ridiculous!” You rambled, laughing nervously when you realised that you had basically just exposed yourself.

“Huh?”

“Listen! I liked him but he’s actually annoying, so that’s over.”  

“If you say so…” Jimin conceded hesitantly, still looking at you skeptically which now looked more concerned.

-----------------

You had successfully avoided Hoseok like the plague for almost the remainder of the time you had in this dimension. You knew what you were doing was petty and it really wasn’t his fault that he couldn’t come talk to you at first, but now you were in too deep to stop being petty. Not that it stopped Hoseok from trailing after you anytime he could, trying to get you to talk to him.

“Y/N, please stop!” You heard Hoseok call from behind you but you kept walking, ignoring him like you usually did. “Oh for fuck sake,” you heard him grumble before you felt someone grab you by your wrist and twirling you around for their lips to press against yours.

You were about to push them off when you realised that it was Hoseok who had kissed you, not a random person and you unconsciously melted into it. Your arms slithered around his neck to pull him closer as his hands wrapped around your waist to move closer to you too.

Breaking the kiss, Hoseok pressed his forehead against yours while looking you in the eyes. “It’s the last day here before we move on and who knows how long it’s going to take us to find each other there. Stop being mad, please?”

Not being able to help yourself, you placed a kiss on his nose, stepping away from him and smiling cheekily. “I’ll see you around, Hoseok.”

-----------------

“YOU KISSED HOSEOK IN FRONT OF THE WHOLE CORRIDOR! OH MY GOD I NEED THE DETAILS!” Jimin exclaimed when you met up with him after school. He was your ride home after all. 

You only laughed, your face flushed in embarrassment. “Uh huh, how about I tell you all about it tomorrow?”

“Promise?” He asked, looking at you in disappointment that he couldn’t get you to tell him everything right then.

You shook your head, looking away from him. “We’ll see.” 

No point in making a promise that you knew you couldn’t keep it. You were going to leave tonight, who knows if you’ll ever come back here or if he would ever remember you once you left.

-----------------

The next time you opened your eyes, you were underwater. At first, panic took over you from the possibility of you drowning. But when you opened your mouth, rather than feeling the water rushing in and suffocating you, you found out that you were completely fine.

“Huh?” You blurted out Your eyes widened when you realised that you could hear yourself clearly underwater too. Looking around, your eyes zeroed in on the shimmering tail that began from your waist down. “HUH?!”

You looked around only to see nothing but water, a few fish swam by you but that was about it. It wasn’t your first time in a fairytale universe but it was your first time being a mermaid. You wondered if Hoseok got transformed into some sort of mythical creature like you too. 

“Oh well, I hope he’s safe.”

-----------------

You didn’t know how much time passed but you were still blindly swimming around trying to find out where to go. You had breached the water at one point and sat on some rocks by a beach in true fairytale mermaid fashion but even then you found nothing of interest. You did get to sit and watch the clear blue waves peacefully for a while but that got boring after some time, too.

“I never thought I’d miss wearing sandals but here I am,” you sighed to yourself before jumping back into the water.

You were just about ready to give up and just sit on the sea bed when you saw a cave underwater. You couldn’t help but snort at how similar this felt to the fairytale ‘Little Mermaid’ you used to read when you were younger. All you needed was some evil old witch to be residing in there and a prince charming to drown some time soon so you could save him and lose your voice.

Having nothing better to do, you began swimming down to the cave to explore it when you felt someone grab you and drag you away from the cave entrance urgently. 

“What the fuck? What are you doing, let me go!” You exclaimed as you tried to wiggle free from your captor.

“Stop struggling, you’re going to get us caught by the hag!” A deep voice harshly whispered in your ear. 

The mention of a hag had you stop struggling. “Caught by the what now?”

You felt your captor loosen their grip around you, giving you the perfect chance to move away from them. You turned to come face to face with a beautiful man… er merman? 

“The hag? Evil sea witch out to get merfolks?” the man asked, looking at you incredulously at the fact that you seemingly had no idea as to who the hag was. “Are you new here? I haven’t seen you before.”

“I guess you could say that. I’ve been swimming for ages now and you’re the first creature I found,” you explained.

The man hummed, tapping his lips as he scanned you over before breaking out into a large boxy smile. “Well then, nice to meet you! I’m Taehyung, what’s your name?”

“Y/N.”

Taehyung gasped when he heard your name. “Y/N? As in Y/L/N Y/N?”

“Why do you know my name?” You asked cautiously. Fuck, were you supposed to know who he was? If that was the case then why were you transported away from them, also he didn’t seem to know you before you introduced yourself.

“Princess! Welcome!”

Excuse me, WHAT?! You choked on nothing. “Who?”

“You! Princess! Welcome!”

When you were thinking about this universe being a knock-off ‘Little Mermaid’ universe, you didn’t think that would be the right assumption. 

Not knowing how to act, you shot Taehyung an awkward smile, waving a little. “Thank you?”

“You have to meet the others! Let’s go, princess!” Taehyung exclaimed excitedly before grabbing your hand and swimming away from the cave.

-----------------

After Taehyung had brought you to others, you met 5 other mermen - each almost unimaginably beautiful. It was a pleasant surprise to see this dimension’s Jimin, he was just as sweet and excitable as the one before.

After the initial meet-up, you got to know that you were indeed the daughter of Triton - something that had you laughing at the absurdity for a good five minutes much to the confusion of others - and you were supposed to be visiting ‘your kingdom’ to get acquainted with everyone before your coronation and living here.

As Taehyung had escorted you to your room, you had joked that all you needed was a handsome man to drown so you could save him. Which, in hindsight may have been a very weird thing to say from the look Taehyung gave you. 

Currently, you were exploring the kingdom, asking people if they knew of anyone by the name Hoseok, only to end up with no clue as to where he might be. No one had any idea about Jung Hoseok and you were getting worried about not managing to find him.

Lost in your thoughts, you didn’t realise that you had left the premises of the city and wandered away. You stopped in your tracks when a giant shadow moved above you, completely leaving you in the dark. 

You looked up to see what blocked the sun when you realised you were directly underneath two ships, the sound of fighting barely audible under the water but present nevertheless. Curiosity getting the best of you, you cautiously swam up to peak above at what was going on, only to find that a full on war was ongoing between the two ships. 

“Damn, am I in a Grimm Brothers Fairytale or the Pirates of The Caribbean movie right now?”

You didn’t have much time to ponder, however, because you noticed someone eerily similar to Hoseok going overboard and you dove underwater for him.

“I swear if that’s actually Hoseok, I’m going to lose my mind.”

Catching the sinking body, you almost wanted to let him go so you could swim over and slam your head against a rock when you realised, it was indeed Hoseok. 

Muttering a few curses under your breath, you proceeded to drag Hoseok towards the beach close by to make sure he didn’t drown before you could give him a piece of your mind.

-----------------

Hoseok sat up abruptly, his nose, throat and eyes burning as he coughed violently. “Mother of bitch, that’s salty,” he spoke, his voice hoarse from almost drowning.

“Of course it is! What were you doing on a pirate ship?!” You exclaimed, hitting his thigh with your palm.

“Y/N?” He asked, his eyes widening when he realised that it was you in front of him.

“The one and only.”

“Oh thank goodness you’re alright!” Hoseok exclaimed, pulling you to his chest and resting his head on top of yours after placing a kiss there.

“You didn’t answer my question,” you said, your voice muffled by his chest from the way he held you close.

“Hm? What was your question?” He asked, letting you go to face you properly. 

“What were you doing on a pirate ship?” 

“Ah! I’m the captain!”

“What? Why don’t I get to be badass characters like you,” you whined looking away from him petulantly. 

“You don’t need a character to be badass, you’re a natural one!” He happily answered, grabbing your chin to make you face him. “You look beautiful baby, but how’d you find me?”

“Are you telling me that you didn’t notice this huge ass tail I have?”

Looking down at your words, his eyes widened, voice rising in pitch with his excitement. “Oh my god you have a tail! You’re a mermaid!”

“Gee? Am I?! Wow Hoseok, thank you for enlightening me!” You mocked his excitement. You didn’t want to act so short with him but the adrenaline running through your body after basically finding the one you love drowning had your brain going haywire.

“Are you mad at me again?”

“I don’t know, Hoseok. Am I?”

“You know I don’t choose the roles I get!”

You sighed, feeling guilty for the way you acted towards him. “I know, it’s just. At first I couldn’t find you anywhere and when I did, you were drowning and it just fucked me up. I know I was joking about how I’m Ariel from Little Mermaid and I need to save a drowning prince but this was not what I was expecting.”

Understanding as ever, Hoseok gave you a sad smile before pulling you back into his embrace again, running his hand through your hair in the way he knew you loved. “It’s okay, I understand. I’d be worried too if I were you, just don’t be mad at me, you know I hate it when you’re mad at me.”

“‘M sorry.”

“Can I have a kiss?” he asked after the two of you basked in each other’s warmth for a moment. 

You pulled back from him, scrunching your nose at him, feeling shy when you noticed how intensely he was looking at you. Grabbing the collar of the shirt he was wearing, you pulled him down for a kiss, pouring out all your emotions into it - from how much you cared for him to how sorry you were for the way you acted. You hoped that he would understand. 

Hoseok kissed you back with just as much emotion, pulling you close and smiling into the kiss. Breaking away from it, he gave you a blinding smile, one that had your heart melting like butter. 

“I love you,” you whispered, afraid that speaking any louder would make you break from all the emotions that were rushing through your heart.

“I love you too. I need to go now, can see my ship coming towards us.”

You nodded, not really processing his words, too busy staring at his gorgeous face. Hoseok realised the fact you didn’t pay attention to his words, making him smile wider. Waving a hand in front of your face, Hoseok chuckled when you seemed as if just coming out of a trance.

“Did you hear anything I just said?”

“Not really,” you shrugged.

Hoseok threw his head back in laughter. “I said, I can see my ship coming towards us as we speak so I reckon it’s time to leave, baby. I’ll make sure to come visit you here as much as I can in the time we’re here.”

“Promise?” You asked, offering your pinky to him as you looked at him through your lashes.

“Promise,” Hoseok answered, wrapping his finger around yours, giving you one last smile as he stood back up. 

“I’ll see you around, alright?”

“I’ll see you around.”

With that you swam back to the sea, waiting just out of sight to make sure that Hoseok was okay before actually leaving. 

You might travel to various places with no certainty of what you may face but one thing was for sure, you’d always find your way to Hoseok.

[xiu21chen99]

hxh headcanon/imagine.

again... still about hisoillu but about their engagement instead of illu's influenced fashion choice.

also this is more of... idk it gave reason why they chose to marry instead of uh other ways i guess??

i've seen so many fanarts where illu would break the news to the zoldycks or how killu would react to having hisoka as his brother in law- like srsly it's meme worthy at this point- and lotsa ones that showed how hisoka proposed as a joke or smtg but... I've been overthinking abt it these past few days sO i present to you how i think "the big question aka the proposal" happened... (manga spoilers??)

it's after hisoka resurrected himself obviously, and def after he killed kortopi and shalnark (so he knew there was gonna be empty slots in the spiders' lineup)

i imagine illu went back to the zoldyck estate after the whole fiasco and only heard of hisoka's "death" from rumors while he was on a mission

and then when he was idk maybe contemplating on whether or not he should visit the body(?) to pay respects or something, he gets a text message from the devil himself

their text went like this probably:

hisoka: hey~ where are you right now?♠️ (and no u can't tell me hisoka doesn't text w card suits u just can't-)

illumi: who are you and how did you get the phone you are currently using?

hisoka: ooh~ illu~ i feel betrayed, did you delete my number?♣️

illumi: hisoka is dead

hisoka: *image attached*

illumi: oh

illumi: hello hisoka, how are you still alive?

hisoka: you sound disappointed~♦️

illumi: i kind of am...

hisoka: rude, just tell me where you are♥️

...and that's how they met up?? ngl i think illu has a know-it-all syndrome where he just has to,,, k n o w everything

he's curious so he agrees to the meetup ofc

he's also surprised when he sees hisoka is in good shape when they meet (idk at a bar in an unknown city?)

they drink whiskey on the rocks because... you know...

hisoka explains how he survived and his next plan of action (which is terminate the spiders)

illumi makes a mental note of nen after death bc he's heard and seen it all before but... not to this extent,

this is gonna be,,, bland but i think this is the logic behind why hisoka chose to get married/engaged instead of just paying up front (reference to the ten dons' commission to get chrollo killed and chrollo's commission to get the ten dons killed)--

anyways here's how their conversation goes:

i: "why did you want to talk in person?"

h: "oh y'know, for old times sake."

i: "...right"

hisoka laughs, "okay so maybe i want to ask you for a favor..?"

confused, illumi asks, "why could you not have just texted if you wanted me to kill someone for you?"

h: "no, no- wait, actually, you're not too far off."

i: ~mOrE cOnfUsiOn~ "huh?"

h: "how do contracts for assassination work in your... family business?"

i: "half the promised pay before, the remaining half afterwards. should the target be eliminated by a third party, the assigned zoldyck still gets the pay and should the employer die, then the contract is terminated and the zoldyck will report back immediately."

h: "and has anyone made a contract to have themselves terminated?"

i: "i beg your pardon?"

h: "what complications will arise should your employer's target be... themselves?"

i: "i believe... i have never encountered such circumstance before. the people who hire us are those who have enough money and resource to have their enemies killed quickly. no one's tried to test the zoldyck assassination prowess."

h: "so... how will that work?"

i: "are you implying this is the reason why you have contacted me today?"

h: "yes~ ♥️" (how he said a heart emoji out loud is up to you, reader)

i: "it will be a pointless paradox. logically, the zoldyck will only get the employment bill. and i, myself, do not find pleasure in going for the kill like you lest i get my reward, so you will not get a contract out of me, hisoka."

h: "is there no leeway?"

i: "a zoldyck stands up to their word. so no."

h: "even for a friend?~ ♦️"

i: "we are not friends, hisoka-"

hisoka raises his glass of whiskey along with his eyebrow.

i: "oh..."

h: "didn't you tell dear killua that a zoldyck didn't need friends?"

i: "you... are an associate, someone reliable in the killing world. it's different."

h: "hypocrite"

i: "i ask you for favors and you make me return them. it is not like we spend our time together leisurely like killu with that island boy..."

hisoka clinks their matching glasses of whiskey even though his is already empty, a shit-eating grin on his lips.

i: "you suggested we meet here."

h: "this isn't the first time we went out to drink, right illu?"

i: "regardless!! i will not kill you just for half the money. i do not like wasting efforts on fruitless missions."

h: "as i said, is there no exception, to make sure you get my money if you were to succeed in killing me?"

i: "are you doubting my skill, hisoka?"

h: "that's not the point right now~ ♠️"

i: "wait, why do you want me to get all of your money?"

h: "haven't we just gotten over this subject? because you're my friend, of course."

i: "i... we are not friends, hisoka."

hisoka claps, "that's it! illumi!! ♣️"

i: "eh?"

h: "marry me! that way in our prenup I'll make sure you get all of my money, and even without a prenup you'll still get it since you'll be my only relative! that solves it!"

i: "hisoka, are you sure death did not took a toll on your brain? you did say you used Bungee Gum only on your heart and lungs..."

h: "i'm being serious, illumi!! and doesn't this solve your earlier conflict? we don't have to be friends, we'll be husbands!"

i: "do not use that tactic with me, you manipulative bastard. stop joking."

h: "this is purely beneficial for you, honestly i don't get why you just won't accept it."

i: "then humor me this first, why now?"

h: "dear illu, i've been to literal hell and back. i think it's time to leave my mark in case i fail to escape death again."

i: "was it that bad?"

h: "you'll love it there, illu~ ♥️"

h: "on a more serious note, though, i do plan to marry you. out of everyone i've encountered, you're the most eligible candidate. you're powerful, fully capable and extremely pretty to boot! you're the ideal husband!"

(blushing obviously, illumi downs the remaining whiskey in his glass) i: "death has changed you, hisoka."

h: "so?"

i: "fine."

h: "excellent!"

and in one fell swoop, illumi has a pin against the curve of hisoka's jugular, wrist held tightly by hisoka- a card matching against his own neck.

"not yet, dear husband." hisoka whispered into his ear, "we have to manage the papers first. and i've a request before you do."

they let each other go at the same time, not even breathing an unnecessary breath in the other's personal space (well, they're nearly pressed thigh to thigh anyways, what's the point of personal space anymore-)

"a condition rather than a request, really."

"what?" hisoka orders them refills, and downs his when it arrives.

"join the ryodan first."

glass already pressed on thin lips, illumi's confused hum resonates softly into the concave utensil. "why?"

"so things can get more interesting. i assume you know of the dark continent expedition that's soon to take place?"

"father has advised i take part on it, since kalluto told me the ryodan plans to rob some cliches who'll join the expedition- to look after him. you want me to join them?"

"yes, and i plan to board as well, don't fret."

illumi's eyes turn to slits, "how should i know you would be there? i can't take your word when you might just disappear when we've all boarded."

hisoka grins, wide then wider, "you should know by now illu, i plan to avenge my wounded pride. that damned chrollo didn't even fight me properly."

tilting his head, illumi stared at the man beside him, "is that not contradictory? i thought you did not mind your opponent using whatever means necessary to win?"

"magicians use tricks and misdirection to awe the audience," hisoka says almost thoughtlessly, "chrollo's a narcissistic hypnotist who used the audience as a damned shield because he knew he couldn't handle me face-to-face."

he groans, tinged in regret. "i shouldn't have picked heaven's arena, if i'd chosen a more discreet location then maybe the damage won't be this bad."

"damage?" illumi rests his chin on his palm, facing his husband.

hisoka swipes a hand over his face, and the glamour comes off. the picture he sent illumi now present in front of him. he was missing a nose, his left hand didn't have any finger left and dried blood chipped on his white skin. "oh."

with another swipe, everything's made correct again. hisoka was grinning again. he downs the remaining alcohol and leaves jenny bills under the emptied glass.

"come, lovely husband. we're to elope and legalize our union!"

illumi follows suit after downing his own glass, "i think there might be another loop hole, if you were to join the family. zoldycks do not kill family."

"so if i were to wed you, here and now, you'd think me more of a family than alluka?"

"alluka is not family."

"are those your words, illumi? or silva's?"

"i..."

"wow, you're really just as fucked up as i am."

"where do you plan to take me? i've just said i cannot kill family."

hisoka chuckles, "then you're the one to take my name, of course."

"preposterous!"

"who the hell still uses that word?"

"i am and will always be a zoldyck-"

"exactly. it's just legal papers, if you kill me then you'll just be a widow and even get your name back! see how everything'll work out in the end?"

"hisoka-"

"are you doubting your skill of assassination, my dearest husband?"

"... i better get the most expensive ring in this damned city."

"that's the spirit! now let's go get married!"

"wait, hisoka. what is your last name?"

later that night, when they leave a chapel, something gold glimmers on hisoka's bungee gum/texture surprise ring finger. a matching one around illumi's finger.

unlike hisoka, though, illumi had an extra red glimmer right under that gold, in the dead center of a silver band of intricately designed pattern. hisoka had foregone the traditional diamond in favor of a 16 carat ruby engagement ring, such a curious choice but illumi accepted it all the same...

(much later on, hisoka took both rings as collateral and reminded illumi that he would get them back even if he died bc it was in their damn prenup- and bc it was technically bought under illumis name and that's how hisoka assured illu that he'd be on that black whale,,, bc he had the rings and planned to give them back to him there)

"I thought a red gemstone was better suited for the rather bloody and murderous ending that our relationship will inevitably come to, wouldn't you agree?"

-Hisoka Morow whenever someone mentions his preference of proposal ring...

"I disagree with most of his ideals, our relationship has always had a fragile foundation, and I knew from the start that we'd eventually end up killing each other."

-Illumi Morow, nee Zoldyck when asked about his thoughts on his husband...

[elephart-hi]

The Mortal Maiden: Witch AU

Chapter 1: A (doomed) Mission at Hollow Hall

with a Jude wip for a larger piece, I'm doing for this fic!!!

Set during The Cruel Prince

Summary: For her whole life in Elfhame, Jude had been convinced that mortals were unable to do magic. She clearly remembers Madoc telling her that there were no witches in fairyland. She assumed he meant that they didn't exist, not that they had been hunted into extinction. During one of her missions at hallow hall, Jude received information about a spell that requires a unicorn and a witch and her whole world gets turned sideways as she discovers why they were eradicated. After another mission where Jude saves a strangers life, an ancient grimoire finds its way to her bed with a note from the stranger thanking her for saving them and warning her to only read the spellbook but not to practice the magic within, lest she wishes to be burned by the folk. Jude heeded the warning as if Oriana had given it to her herself, that is she completely ignored it and did what she shouldn't. Tensions are high as the coronation swiftly approaches and Jude finds herself more deeply entwined with the web of lies that ties the Greenbriar line together than ever before. With nothing but her wits and her secret sender to aid her magical studies, Jude can only hope to make it out unscathed.

Rating: Mature but not explicitly till later chapters!

Ao3 chapter 2

AN: This is set during the cruel prince. I absolutely love the different character development of the characters from book to book. Specifically, Jude in book one being like I have no clue how to be a spy I’m going to fucking die and it’s my fault for making a deal with Dain! curse me, god! Always made me laugh. So playing with that and with Cardan’s talking door. I like to think the door can move around hollow hall so that is a headcanon in here. We were robbed of spy jude content and all it’s potential so here. we get to the witches later I promise

Jude Duerte had, on numerous occasions now, cursed herself for thinking she could ever be a spy in fairyland. For starters, she was a seventeen-year-old mortal up against fairies a hundred years her senior. Her mortality happened to be the very reason she couldn’t use magic, which brings us to the second reason being a spy was a foolish, foolish thing for her to be: she was at a monumental disadvantage to everyone else in fairyland because they were magical assholes by nature.

As she raced through the crowded party at Hollow Hall, ducking between dancers and enslaved mortals caring trays of fairie wine, trying to avoid the guards who caught her stealing, Jude realized that being mortal had another disadvantage since it probably made her incredibly disposable to Dain, the prince she served under and who she was, for all intents and purposes, enslaved to thanks to the geas she struck with him. Her death would be of little consequence to the prince.

She reached her hand out and grabbed the ostentatiously carved banister to her right, using it to swing her momentum in a direction where the guards wouldn't have her surrounded. She barrelled into a stairwell hidden from the view of the ball as people started shouting. Jude had at least remembered something she’d learned from her short time training in the spy’s keep: always find multiple exit routes. She had scouted out the stairwell before her mission had gone sideways as she mingled amongst the folk.

She raced up the stairs nearly tripping on her gown as she began her climb, heart racing so fast she thought it would burst out of her corset. Her geas with Dain would protect her from fairy enchantments but it wouldn't protect her from being impaled by a sword or spear. Regardless of how skilled she was with a blade herself, ten immortal guards against one human did not seem like good odds.

As Jude continued her ascent she realized that her exit route was less of an exit and more of a path further into the manor. The roach would have her neck for her idiocy… If she lived to ever see him again. She should have gone for the servant’s quarters instead, she thought with a groan. From there she already knew her way out of the manor. She didn’t think she would have guards chasing her on her way out so she had, rather foolishly, assumed she would be able to explore more of the massive grounds and figure out the layout better for the next time Dain sent her here to spy on his elder brother: Prince Belkin. Now Jude just hoped she would live to see another night, much less another mission.

As she continued her ascent up the round cobblestone stairwell, the noise of the party became lost to her and she couldn’t hear the guards in pursuit anymore. Perhaps her quick exit had been in her benefit after all. If she had gone for the servant’s quarters they surely would have seen her use it and would have gone after her. Each turn up the stairs, she passed a candle in an alcove, lighting the cobblestone steps beneath her. She paused to rest on a dark step outside the reach of the candle’s glow, lest someone use the stairs and see her hunched over in its flickering light catching her breath.

She reached into her pocket and pulled out the note she not so subtly nipped from her target. Right as she had grabbed the note out of his pocket, a fairy with copious amounts of cologne passed her and made her sneeze. The messenger in front of her immediately spun around but before he could get a word out Jude had him in a chokehold; his cries for help dying in his throat. She had thought herself so clever until the goblet in his hand clattered to the floor, gaining the attention of a nearby guard. Then she had felt like an idiot, as the guard called for reinforcements.

The manor would be crawling with them now, but they would all be looking for a fairy with horns, yellow eyes, and pointed ears. Jude had gotten the costume from a gothic store in the mall of the mortal lands and tonight it proved to be useful. She chuckled to herself as she pulled the horns from her hair and removed the fake ears and colored contact lenses. She tucked them all into a large pocket of her skirt, making sure to put her contacts into their case. Once her breath had settled and she looked nothing more than a mortal servant again, Jude continued her ascent up the stairs, hoping that she wouldn't gain any more unnecessary attention until she was a long way from the manor and back in the safety of the spy’s keep.

Once she reached the door atop the stairs, Jude leaned her ear against the wood, listening for any potential passersby in the hall. She nearly pissed herself and fell back down the flight of stairs when a doorknocker, which certainly hadn’t been on the door when she leaned against it, blinked and spoke to her.

“Looking for trouble or hiding from it, my dear”

Jude didn’t have a clue what to say. What does one even say to a doorknocker? No matter how long she has lived in fairyland, the world and its strange magic always managed to perplex her. So she just stared at the metal face that was now molded into the door completely dumbfounded.

“You’re being rude.”

Jude shook herself from her stupor, and raised her chin, “Neither. What would make you think I was in any kind of trouble?”

“Probably something to do with you pressing your ear to the door to see if the coast was clear,” the doorknocker said with a stern face.

Jude pressed her lips together. Once again cursing herself for thinking she could be a spy. It was obvious that she wasn’t the encorcelled servant she was posing to be. She internally groaned; the stars were certainly against her tonight. If she said she was hiding from trouble she would be admitting to some extent of guiltiness; with that thought a scheme started taking form in her mind.

“Looking for it,” she said decidedly, mustering up a smirk that she didn’t feel, “do you know where I could find any?”

The door squinted at her, judging the truth of her words as he eyed her round ears, “try the second to the last door on the right,” he said, swinging open for her with a returning smirk on his metal face that made Jude uneasy.

“Perfect,” she replied mustering more false bravo into her voice, “and afterward when I need to hide from the trouble I find what direction would you point me in?”

The door beamed at her then, a grin stretching the brass of its face.

“Down the hall past that door there will be a stairwell hidden behind a tapestry depicting a pixie orgy. Take the stairs to the bottom and you will find yourself at the stables,” the door still smirked at her, as if he knew what she had been planning all along.

Jude curtsied at him and went on her way, planning on foregoing the ‘looking for trouble’ bit but, to her surprise, the doorknocker’s face appeared on the backside of the door when it closed behind her. Jude was certain now that the doorknocker hadn’t been there when she arrived. It must be enchanted to move as it pleased. Now he watched every step she took. Jude would have thought it a very clever way of safeguarding one’s manor if the door was not a huge liability for her now.

As she proceeded down the carpeted hall, the doorknocker’s face magicked from one door to the next, smirking at her as she made her way past ancient doors, scenic art of battles and kings long past, and tapestries woven by the hands of skilled sprites. Every inch of the hall radiated extravagance, much like the two fairy princes who lived here.

She had no option but to go ‘looking for trouble’ now, Jude realized with irritation, not if she wanted the door to keep quiet about her lurkings. However, Jude hardly needed to look for trouble, she could hear the cries of guards searching the manor for a thief. She had already found enough of it today as is.

When she reached the second to the last door on the right, the one the doorknocker had instructed her to find, she realized that she recognized it from her last mission at Hollow Hall. Her stomach felt squeamish at the memories it brought up. Of Belkin and the belt. Of the owner of this room kneeling on the floor taking the beating.

The annoying doorknocker appeared on the wooden door, right in front of her face, his eyes squinting at her.

“Just what kind of trouble will I be getting into?” she asked, “is Cardan inside?”

Jude dreaded the answer. The door probably brought her here to turn her into him. She had the sinking feeling that she was a dead man walking. She could only imagine what Cardan would do to her when he caught her, mind drifting to the note with her name furiously scrawled onto it over and over again. A chill ran down her spine.

“I was assuming you were looking for the fun kind of trouble, Jude,” the door replied, his brass eyes glinting in mischief as he said her name as if he knew exactly what she had been thinking of. She wondered if he had watched her steal the book from Cardan’s room. She wondered how he knew her name. The torches of the corridor cast a golden gleam on the metalworking of his brass face, the craftsmanship reminded her of her father’s blades and metalworking. Her chest squeezed at the memories of her late father, but not before she shuddered at whatever the door considered being ‘fun’.

“How did you know it was my young prince’s chambers?” the door asked dubiously, suspicion laced his voice. Perhaps he hadn’t witnessed her previous mission after all.

Jude ignored his question since he ignored one of hers, “how did you know my name?” she snarked back.

The doorknocker averted his eyes, clearly not wanting to answer. She smirked and continued.

“What would you do if I were to bolt?”

“Then my prince would hear of your suspicious whereabouts,” he replied, a smirk returning to his metal face. Jude wasn't sure which prince he referred to, Belkin or Cardan. She knew one was worse than the other. Cardan was only nineteen with no true courtly power since he was still in school. Belkin on the other hand was the eldest prince to the High King, was centuries old, and was in no shortage of power.

Jude realized, as the sound of the guards searching the manor grew closer, that she had no options that were beneficial to her. She did, however, have one option that was far better than the other. The guards in question would be in the hall at any second by the sound of it. She could either bolt now, get captured by them, and have the doorknocker spill her secrets... or she could face whatever was on the other side of this door.

For all that she knew Cardan could still be at the revel a few floors down. Drunk on wine and merriment like he always was and balls deep in a pretty sprite.

The door swung open in front of her, leaving her no chance to rethink her decision as she stepped inside the threshold of the chamber, closing the door behind her. On the other side, she could hear the guards storming into the hall where she had just been standing.

“My prince,” the doorknocker called out, his face now on the backside of the door, peering inside the room, “your mortal maiden has come calling for you.”

Jude’s heart plummeted to her stomach. She couldn’t believe she had hoped that Cardan would still be enjoying the festivities downstairs. Ugh! Of course, the knocker would’ve known he was inside. He could magic from room to room after all. It seemed that the stars truly were against her that night.

She smashed her eyes shut in fear of what was to come next but all she was met with grumbling coming from the beautiful four-poster bed.

Jude peeked her eyes open and saw that Cardan hadn’t even bothered looking up to acknowledge the door. He laid on his bed sprawled out on his side, head hunched over with his nose shoved into a book, his black hair hanging in his eyes. He had one of his black nails caught between his teeth as his eyes darted across the page. He looked so... disarming like this. Nothing like the wicked boy she had come to know at school.

He probably hadn’t the slightest clue about the chaos Jude had caused downstairs, as he sat there completely wrapped up in his own world. From the way he was positioned, Jude guessed he was getting to an interesting part of his book. From behind him, Jude spotted his tail darted in and out of sight, swatting from side to side. It was almost humorous watching his tail change its pace as his eyes flew across the page; the tail speeding up and slowing down depending on what he read before him. This was a wholly unique side to Cardan she had never seen before, not at school, nor the palace revels, nor during her spy missions. So this was the person Cardan was when he was all alone?

The Cruel Prince of Elfhame was… a bookworm?

The door grumbled beside her loudly, clearing his throat, while a small incredulous smile tugged the corners of Jude’s lips.

“In a minute,” Cardan drawled slowly, as though speaking through honey, like his words had to travel all the way back from whatever far off land the book had charted him off to.

“My prince,” the doorknocker urged.

“I’m in the middle of a very important scene, my door, I don’t care for your taunts right now,” Cardan grumbled to the doorknocker, putting the same amount of emphasis on ‘my door’ as the door had on ‘my prince’. They were obviously very familiar with each other from how they spoke. “And she’s not ‘my’ anything!”

The knocker barked out a laugh followed by a wink towards Jude and with that, he vanished. Leaving her alone with Cardan. She turned to the door and tried the handle but it held firm, refusing to turn. She heard the sound of the doorknocker chuckling from the other side of the door; standing guard and locking her inside to face whatever punishment Cardan deemed fit for her. She dreaded what was to come but... he had yet to even notice her there.

Cardan reached over to the bedside table with the hand he had held hostage between his full lips and grabbed a goblet of wine from a tray of cheese, faerie fruit, and crackers. From what she could see before her, Jude decided that Cardan had the makings for a wonderful night of relaxation. The sight made something stir within her, perhaps she did want to look for trouble. How privileged of him to be able to sit here with such comforts while Jude had to enslave herself in a geas and become a spy just to get a scrap of power. He had everything she did not.

Jude realized that there would be no better trouble to find than a chance to ruin Cardan’s perfect night. And just as he was getting to the good part of his book she thought with bitter humor. Boohoo! The poor little prince! She rolled her eyes as resentment swelled within her. Resentment and rancorous jealousy. If the stars wanted her in trouble tonight then who was she to work against them.

She looked him over; his hair the color of raven feathers looked as if he had raked his hands through it a few times, probably in distress for whatever was happening in his book. How lucky he was that he only had to worry about his book and--

--and Balekin's wrath.

All schemes of trouble froze at the sickening memory of the wet sound of Cardan’s blood meeting the leather belt. The memory was a cooling draught to the burning resentment that boiled within her. Perhaps his books were a means of escape from the abuse he endured…

But none of that excused the bullshit he put her through at school! Jude was made to feel small every day since she was stolen away from the mortal world, but you don’t see her taking it out on every person she met.

And just like that, her resentment began to simmer anew. Although less powerful.

She continued to look him over, contemplating just how to ruin his night of relaxation. No adornments graced his ears for once, nor rings on his fingers. Cardan wore a plain sleep shirt whose strings were loose, leaving much of his lean chest exposed; she could see bits of his scars peeking over his shoulders.

Jude thought again about how strange it was seeing him like this. He was still heartbreakingly as handsome as usual except now, with the lack of finery and makeup, Jude almost found him more lovely. All the extravagance that he draped himself in distracted from how naturally breathtaking he was on his own. Now with nothing to distract from his unearthly beauty, Jude found herself almost speechless at the sight of him. It made her furious. How could someone so lovely on the outside be so hideous within?

Jude shook the annoying thoughts from her head and tried the door once more. Locked. Damn it.

Seeing no other option, Jude cleared her throat and spoke at last.

“I supposed I could come back another time then, your majesty,” she sunk into a curtsy to hide her grin when she heard him choke on his wine, realizing that he wasn't alone in his room.

“I would hate to interrupt... especially if you’re ‘in the middle of a very important scene’,” she phrased the last bit like a question, implying its inherent rudeness to dismiss someone over something as trivial as a good book. Although if Jude were to be honest with herself, she wouldn't mind that being a reasonable excuse to dismiss someone.

She looked up and barely choke down the laugh that tried to bubble out of her throat at the sight before her. Of a flabbergasted Cardan with wine now staining the front of his sleep shirt and his black eyes ringed with gold bugging out of his head at the sight of her. He may be beautiful but he looked ridiculous at that moment.

“Now how does your door know my name and why did he refer to me as your maiden?”

chapter 2

[afoolnottoloveu]

moonlight ♡

Summary: Spencer wants to go to sleep, but Reader doesn’t wanna break tradition (WC: 1.6k) {Masterlist <3}

Pairing: Spencer Reid x (intended she/her but technically gender neutral)!Reader (could be read as platonic or romantic!!)

TW: none!

A/N: i was supposed to post this on the 29th.. we dont talk about it its okay its fine everythings all good, I ALMOST FORGOT thank you to gracie for beta reading this!! she’s the first one on the taglist at the end if you wanna check out her amazing work as well mwah, n e ways enjoy :0

Playlist Pairing: it’s not a singular song this time, listen to the inspo playlist here! 🌘

_

You rushed up the stairs, praying to some deity that you would catch him before he sent himself to bed or was too immersed in some book to answer the door. JJ had called you 7 hours ago, so it wasn’t surprising that you somehow didn’t notice the time passing, plus the fact you had to get gas for your little trip.

Rapping at the door insistently, you were delightfully startled when Spencer opened the door only a few moments later. He was still in his work slacks and button up but tie-less. A quick glance behind him and you could see he had been making himself tea, and the satchel by his feet couldn’t have been dropped more than 10 minutes ago.

“Peanut?”

You were too elated that you had caught him to respond, instead opting to attach yourself to his torso. “You’re back! Oh my gosh, I was so worried you wouldn’t make it back in time, but luckily JJ called me that you were getting back today, but that was over like 7 hours ago, and then I got worried I wouldn’t make it here before you went to bed--” you rambled, but Spencer quickly brought you back down to Earth by removing you from his torso.

“Y/N! What’re you doing here?”

“We’re going on a drive, duh!” you said, before grabbing his wrist and making it halfway out the door before being pulled back.

“Now? I just got home from two back-to-back cases, and it’s almost midnight.”

“Spence, we can’t break tradition now! Unless Mr. Eidetic Memory forgot what tomorrow is--” you interrupt yourself with a very exaggerated gasp, earning an eye roll from Spencer.

“Of course I know what tomorrow is but--” Knowing he would only go on and on to list reasons why he shouldn’t come with you, you used your last resort, the “puppy dog eyes.” All Spencer did was stare at you, both of you knowing fully well that he was capable of resisting, but he didn’t like to. After a whole minute of unnecessary intense staring at each other, Spencer let out a groan and turned around to walk away, which you thought meant that he was going to bed. Instead, you were pleasantly surprised when you heard him half-yell from across his apartment, “I’m just getting my keys!” You squealed excitedly, knowing what was ahead of you both that night.

~

Your car was small, a basic silver Toyota corolla you named Carrie. She smelled of gas and was decked out with teddy bear head pillows and keychains that you asked Spencer to buy, hanging from the rearview mirror, (but only from the cool states). You even kept a tan knitted blanket in Carrie, which Spencer was now wrapped in.

You couldn’t help but notice Spencer’s infatuation with the moon tonight, as he took a long sip from one of his two cups of hot cocoa you guys had picked up on the way.

“Is it a full moon?”

“No,” he said--not in a rude way, just quietly and quickly, like he didn’t want to take his focus away from the moon or it might disappear.

So, you let him be. He was most likely tired, and despite tomorrow, which most people would be restless for, he probably just wanted rest. You almost felt guilty, but your tradition was important to you, and you could only hope that it was important to him as well. 

“Did you know the full moon is one of the most powerful symbols in astrology? It can represent one’s emotional instincts, habits and private aspects of one’s personality. It’s said that while the sun sign of someone represents their head, their moon sign represents their heart. Though, most astrologists say the moon is heavily compulsion-based. Similarly, someone’s sun sign depicts their actions, but their moon sign depicts their reactions,” he told you, still gazing, almost longingly at the moon.

“I didn’t take you for an astrology type of guy, Doctor.”

“I have knowledge in many areas, Y/N, I thought you knew this by now.” You snickered at the understatement. “If the moon smiled, she would resemble you. You leave the same impression of something beautiful, but annihilating,” he quoted.

“Plath--are you flirting with me, Doc?”

“Never, peanut.”

You rolled both your eyes and the windows of your car. Hopefully the blanket and cocoa was enough to warm him. All you wanted was to not blow out his eardrums as you turned up the music. Night Changes by One Direction was playing, and you reminisced on the fact that he originally had never heard of the band, causing your binge session, which consisted of watching their documentary and listening to all 5 of their albums straight. He told you he thought they were okay and he saw the appeal. What he didn’t tell you was that his favorite album was Midnight Memories, but if the way he was humming along to the song now was any evidence, you could’ve been a profiler.

You two listened to your playlist, made specially for the tradition, (Spencer insisted you always pick the music on these trips, since you weren’t very interested in classical piano) and besides the melodies, a comfortable silence encompassed the car for the most of the ride. As the road started to incline and your destination started getting near, you broke it.

“Can you believe-” you started, earning Spencer’s gaze from the sudden conversation, “Can you believe the audacity the calendar has, to change dates in the middle of the night, just like that, while we’re sleeping?” Spencer couldn’t help the chuckle that bubbled out from him. “Like tomorrow… You’re gonna wake up and, and you’re gonna be one year older.” When you said this, you couldn’t help but steal a look at him. He wasn’t making eye contact, just fidgeting with his fingers, but the small smile was there.

“Just like that,” you finished, as you pulled onto the edge of a hill. 

When you showed up at his apartment the night you got your driver’s license, you found this spot. This was your guys’ cliff. The one you guys found on accident, when your car ran out of gas on your first night of the tradition. The same one you guys have had a handful of picnics at and late night rambles about both of your favorite things. Covered in the blanket of light that the moon so graciously provided, it was perfect, and it was both of yours.

Parked atop the hill, you turned off the car and turned to Spencer, who went back to admiring the stars. You were just about to tell him that you would be right back, but you decided he was a little busy, and so you quickly shuffled to grab the box he wasn’t aware was hiding in the trunk.

He finally noticed your disappearance when you came back with a lavender gift box in your lap and an excited smile on your face. “Oh Y/N, you know you didn’t--”

“Save it, Spence. Just open your gift,” you demanded, shoving it into his arms and the smile on your face only lingering. He rarely received real gifts, only for Christmas. You were essentially his only non work friend, and he told everyone at work that he never wanted nor needed anything.

He repeatedly blinked, yet carefully removed the lid. He first saw the small brown envelope which contained a gift card for the local coffee shop near his apartment. Underneath that and the matching lavender tissue paper, he found a tie of no other color than purple and two pairs of socks, one of colorful stripes and the other of baby tardises. (You knew nothing about Doctor Who, but he appreciated the references.) The whole time smiles adorned both your faces. The last item was a copy of The Alchemist. It was one of the main books you two had bonded over, and only a few weeks ago, someone had spilled coffee on their copy. Spencer was against buying another one, saying he could literally recite it in his head word for word if he ever wanted to again, but you stubbornly insisted that it didn’t have the same sentiment, (and of course you were right).

He took the book out the box and held it by the spine as he flitted through the pages, taking note of the annotations, your annotations. When done, he closed it and only opened the cover, finding your heartfelt message. 

Dear old dear old Spence,

I know you’re probably gonna read this in .02 seconds, and probably right in front of me at that. Unless we broke tradition. But I trust that I convinced you. (It was the eyes, wasn’t it?) Regardless, I wanted to wish my very, very best friend a happy birthday. You alone are so strong for going through all that you’ve gone through, stuff that no one should have to even imagine. You are one of the strongest people I know. You need to know that I’m proud of you, Spencer. I’m beyond grateful for you, for having such a caring, resilient, and just incredible friend as you. I hope I don’t need to remind you that I will be here for you, through anything and everything. See you in 500 years :)

Love, with all my heart, Peanut

In only a handful of seconds, he shut the cover once again, and the happiness (and slight gleam) in his eyes became painstakingly evident. “This is your copy?” He asked, mostly rhetorically, because he knew it was. At this point, he was lightly sniffling between words. “Thank- thank you, peanut,” 

“It’s no problem Doc,” you smiled and lightly punched him on the shoulder, “happy birthday, Spencer. I’m glad we didn’t break tradition.” And by the look on his face, well- you were no profiler, but you could safely assume that he was just as glad.

-

Taglist: @bxbyspxncer @goldenxreid @prettyboy-reid @rottenearly @rainsong01

[jasontoddiefor]

Chapter 7 of As Lightning to the Children eased or as I like to call it: Dooku gets his shit together.

Dooku didn't know how, but Shmi Skywalker had known that something had happened to her child before the call of the Council had even reached them. She had looked up in the middle of her katas, paling rapidly. Dooku had heard of Masters sensing their Padawans' distress before, had experienced such with his own reckless students, but never with such intensity and days' travel in hyperspace away from his children. Still, Shmi continued with her tasks with the same dedication as before her foreboding and did not panic when they got the actual notification two weeks later, telling them that Anakin Skywalker, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Qui-Gon Jinn were already back on Coruscant, apparently all in a miserable condition.

Padawan Skywalker the elder's stance on the whole situation caused Dooku to reconsider his rude behavior during their first meeting. She had known that something was terribly wrong, had felt it deep in her bones when no one else had, and yet she had endured, done her Master proud, and fulfilled their mission first. When they arrived back at the temple, a place Dooku had been away from for too long as he had forgotten the warmth of its embrace, she dutifully made her report to the Council, under the many concerned eyes of the assembled Masters. And only when she had finished her statement, answered all questions, she excused herself and left to visit her son.

If anyone still doubted her place in their order after these actions, Dooku wouldn't hesitate to challenge them himself for her honor, though given her quick wit and skill with the blade, she'd hardly need anyone to fight her battles.

Shmi didn't ask him if he wanted to come with her, but she also didn't stop him when he fell into step with her. She smiled at him, kindly as if she were his Crèchemaster, ready to console him, and not a Padawan as they silently walked to the halls of healing.

Dooku hadn't been there when the Skywalkers had joined the temple, but he had heard of the impossible terror that was Shmi's child.

Yet, somehow, all those rumors couldn't compare to meeting him in person. He looked innocent and human enough, sleeping in his Master's arms, a small togruta child stretched across the both of them. Then, suddenly, he woke and within the blink of an eye, Dooku found himself pinned against a wall, electric blue eyes focused on him with previously unknown intensity.

"Anakin!" Obi-Wan was awake a second later, holding down his student's arm as if that could lessen the pressure on Dooku's chest. "Anakin, stop it, we're home, it's alright."

Disorientated, the child blinked at Dooku, curiosity and confusion entering his gaze as if he were seeing Dooku for the first time. Then whatever might have kept him in a chokehold, stopped and the boy fell back into his Master's arms.

"Obi-Wan?" Anakin sounded puzzled when he spoke up. His voice was rough as if he hadn't spoken in days.

"Hello, Anakin." Though Dooku knew that his grandpadawan was hardly older than twenty-five, the exhaustion wearing him down made him look decades older. "Are you awake now?"

Anakin tilted his head. "Yeah, of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

A shadow passed over Obi-Wan's face. "No reason. Do you know who is visiting us?"

More hastily than before, Anakin's head whipped around and turned into the direction Shmi was standing in. "Mom!" he exclaimed and, after carefully pushing the third child off his lap, he jumped out of bed to rush to his mother. He hugged her tightly, burying his face in her robes. "Mom, I missed you."

Shmi Skywalker, showing no sign of fear, worry, confusion or anything such as that about her son's earlier actions, only embraced him just as tightly.

"I missed you too, Anakin," Shmi said and kissed the top of his head.

Anakin didn't let go of her, but his eyes drifted to the lightsaber clipped to her belt. Without another word, Shmi took it from the belt and handed Anakin the blade. Anakin examined it closely, ran his fingers across the metal hilt before handing it back to his mother. "Your crystals sound nice. I like them."

"I'm glad."

As mother and son continued talking, Dooku managed to get to his feet, still shaken by the assault the others pointedly ignored. He crossed the distance to the bed Obi-Wan and the now yawning youngling were lying on and sat down on it. He disliked showing such weakness, but he couldn't exclude the possibility that his legs might not hold him upright should he continue to stand.

"What was that?" he asked.

Obi-Wan sighed and the youngling whose presence Dooku could not quite explain sat up and gently patted his cheeks, making the young man smile.

"It's a reflex, mostly," Obi-Wan explained. "Anakin isn't quite over what happened yet and lashes out when he thinks we are threatened by something or someone he doesn't recognize."

Obi-Wan's elaboration failed to clear anything up and if the boy didn't look like he hadn't slept in a week, Dooku would claim he was purposefully misdirecting. "We are in the Jedi temple. What is there here that he fears?"

What had Dooku done that Anakin assumed his own lineage would attack him?

The look Obi-Wan was giving him was downright chilling, damning, before it slowly turned into incredulity. "I thought that was why Shmi— You don't sense it, do you?"

He sounded flabbergasted.

"No," Dooku said. "What is there to sense?"

Discomfort and wariness settled in the air, so heavy that Dooku was reminded of the invisible hands around his neck.

"The taint, the poison, the rot clinging to your light," Obi-Wan said slowly. "The darkness."

It sounded like judgement.

X

The first thing Qui-Gon recognized was noise.

It was loud around him, familiar voices speaking out. When he tried to open his eyes, he found the task impossibly challenging. He fought against the voice telling him to rest a little longer, that he didn't have to wake quite yet, but Qui-Gon had always been a stubborn one, unwilling to follow orders he deemed unnecessary.

"Master!"

When light began to fill his vision, Qui-Gon looked into the face of his worried Padawan, missing his braid and looking as distraught as Qui-Gon had seldom seen him before.

"Obi-Wan?" he tried to say, but his voice wasn't cooperating, so whatever left his mouth, it couldn't have been his apprentice's name.

"It's me, Master, yes." Obi-Wan understood him anyway, clever and wise as he was. Qui-Gon had given his Padawan a much too difficult time when he had still been his student and not a Knight of his own regard. He could hardly imagine being any prouder of Obi-Wan than he already was

"Master Qui-Gon!"

His vision became clearer and allowed for him to see Anakin and Ahsoka sitting just beside him on the bed, Shmi behind them and there, right next to her—

"Master."

"Save your strength, Qui-Gon," his Master urged him. If Obi-Wan had looked distressed, Dooku appeared downright hysterical. Qui-Gon was quite ready to believe this was all a hallucination now. As far as he knew, his Master had sworn off returning to the temple for at least another decade and even if he were here, he certainly wouldn't seek out Qui-Gon, no matter how injured.

"Rest some more," the imitation of his Master said. For just the shortest of moments, Qui-Gon was reminded of the time he had been a youngling just a few months older than Anakin and Dooku, not even quite Obi-Wan's age then, had panicked over his sickness. It had only been a mild cold, not the blinding hot pain chaining him to the bed now, but Dooku had told him to rest then with just the same cadence and care.

"Everything will be better after you've slept."

The illusion said the same words as his Master had then and just for that alone, Qui-Gon was inclined to believe him, even if he couldn't sense him, sense any of them properly.

Qui-Gon didn't know how much time passed between the intervals he was actually closer to consciousness and those he was inaccessible to the world. It felt like centuries passed within the blink of an eye. Regardless, whenever he woke, Dooku was there, dutifully sitting at his side as if Qui-Gon were still a child. It was reassuring anyhow.

The morning Qui-Gon woke and didn't feel like he needed to drop right back to sleep, he was greeted by the image of Dooku reading while the children were playing some board games on the bed next to his.

Qui-Gon decided to observe them just a minute longer before he spoke up.

"Am I dreaming, Master?"

Dooku immediately dropped the datapad and the others stopped their game, Qui-Gon's voice breaking this strange atmosphere.

"Qui-Gon!" it came from all sides. "Are you alright?"

He felt half-blind as if he had lost a sense he had always taken for granted, but, staring into the guilt-ridden expression of Anakin, he realized that lying had never been easier. "Yes, of course. What did I miss?"

From the look his lineage was giving him, quite a lot.

X

Ahsoka was young, but she wasn't stupid.

"What happened?" she asked Obi-Wan. The real adults wouldn't tell her anything for sure, but Obi-Wan just might because he was Anakin's the same way she was Anakin's, and he was theirs, and that was all that mattered. "Anakin is different."

He was hurting, though he tried to hide it. His pain and his fear scared him, which in turn only upset Ahsoka. She wanted everyone to be happy and healthy, but the world had shifted when she hadn't been there and it hurt.

"I—" Obi-Wan hesitated, so Ahsoka crossed her arms in front of her chest like she had seen Shmi do when she wanted to know something and nobody was willing to tell her. It made Ahsoka feel taller and more grown-up. Obi-Wan would have to tell her the truth.

"I want to know," she repeated. "Now."

Obi-Wan studied her for a few moments longer, then he sighed. "Anakin did something very foolish and difficult and Qui-Gon did something just as stupid and now everything is a mess."

Ahsoka could tell that he was trying not to use big words with her, but it only felt like he was attempting to get away with saying less.

"What did they do?" Ahsoka asked. "I want to know."

The need was pulsating under her skin, edging her on, licking at her arms like hot flames, urging to demand and not stop until she had forced the truth from his mouth, the ugly thing that was closing his throat.

"Anakin saw something really, really bad and dark," Obi-Wan said. "So Qui-Gon helped him forget that."

"But isn't that good?"

Ahsoka thought it was. It should be. If Qui-Gon took away what had hurt Anakin, then Anakin was going to be better now. That was how helping others worked. The others always said so; Shmi did too. The more you helped, the more did the galaxy heal.

"Yes, technically speaking, but… You know how the Force gives us warnings?"

Yes, of course, she did. Everyone always said to listen to the Force for their knowledge, but the Force had never warned her before she had stubbed her toe, so she wasn't entirely sold on that yet.

"The memories Qui-Gon hid from Anakin were such a warning, so now we don't know what the Force was warning us from and since they are so well hidden to protect him, Anakin won't be able to recognize the danger again when he sees it."

Oh. That really did sound bad. "Did he anything do something stupid then to get back the memories?"

Obi-Wan shook his head. "No, Anakin decided to break the Force a little to keep Qui-Gon here longer."

Ahsoka wondered whether that was the reason Qui-Gon's wound was healing so slowly and no pain medication truly helped. He tried to hide it, but Ahsoka's nose and eyes were better than humans'. She saw him tense, could smell the sickness. Ahsoka bit her lip. "Is that why Qui-Gon's Force is all messed up?"

She didn't know how to describe it in a better way. It felt a little as if Qui-Gon was made up out of strings and someone had cut them and then tied the ropes back together clumsily in haste, leaving a net that could catch his soul, but was incredibly messy.

"A little. There's no telling what messing around with the Force like Anakin did."

(And they wouldn't know for a long while what it meant to force something to live. No matter how good the intentions at that moment, the residue of his actions left Maul awake, alive, alight in the dark side, and screaming.)

"Is he going to be okay again?" Ahsoka asked.

When Obi-Wan didn't reply immediately, she climbed back into his lap and let him wrap his arms around her. Jedi were the happiest when they weren't cold, and her family felt as if they needed a lot of warmth.

"I hope so," Obi-Wan replied. "I really do hope so."

X

For the first time since he had gotten his first gray hair, Qui-Gon actually felt old. He was tired all the time and his control over the Force was atrocious and depended on the time of day, what he had eaten for breakfast, the weather, and whether somewhere halfway across Coruscant somebody had totaled their Speeder, or so it felt to him at least. There was no rhyme or rhythm to whether he could use the Force at all and what his control over it was, not even as his body recovered.

His gut wound hadn't healed entirely yet, and he continued to be haunted by its phantom pains. He knew that it hurt Anakin, that he felt guilty, so Qui-Gon tried to avoid showing any of these weaknesses around the boy, but Anakin was an intelligent child and he noticed it anyway. Qui-Gon wondered if Anakin's sudden clinginess and paranoia resulted from his actions, actions he now had to justify himself for.

"Are you sure you wouldn't prefer to sit?" Plo asked.

Qui-Gon wanted to reply with words as sharp as the edge of a knife, but he shouldn't. Plo was asking him out of worry and because they were friends, not to belittle him or point out his discomfort to him.

"I'm quite sick of sitting and lying down," Qui-Gon confessed. It hurt to admit this weakness, was he fully his Master's Padawan in this aspect, and against what his heart was telling him, he forced himself to say it out loud. "But a chair would be appreciated."

They got a chair for him and so Qui-Gon sat in front of the assembled Council, laying his mind bare for them to see and judge.

"Obi-Wan's report states that Padawan Skywalker had a breakdown as you boarded the ship to Naboo again. Is this correct?"

"Yes."

"And following this breakdown, you put a heavy mind block on him. Is this true as well?"

"Yes," Qui-Go replied, or maybe it would be more correct to claim he apologized.

He didn't regret saving Anakin then. It had come at a high price, his own mind still bleeding where he had cut himself on the kyber crystals of Anakin's soul, but he regretted that it had come to this at all. Trifling with a mind like this was nothing that could be taken lightly, and had the Council not asked to see him, Qui-Gon would have accused them of negligence. "I saw no other choice."

"What did you saw in his mind that forced you to act like this?" Mace asked.

"I saw a reflection of his own state of being, I suppose." His words sounded stuporous, too carelessly chosen, but he didn't know how else to describe this feeling. The more he attempted to elaborate on what he had seen, the more he realized that their language lacked the terms he needed

"I don't think the Force was meant to be anything more than something that binds the world together," Qui-Gon declared. "But Anakin… His existence defies that. He is the Force incarnate and it hurts him, subconsciously. The Force is endless and in Anakin, they have to constrain themself to a body with mortal limits, a fact which unsettles him down to his core when he becomes aware of it. From my observations, which I fail to describe accurately here and I fear to share with the state of my own mind and control, merely having consciousness is unsuitable for a being such as Anakin. We have all heard the voice of the Force, its call and its will, but it doesn't want as we do, as mortals might."

"But Anakin does," Plo continued his thought. "So you have the Force turned sentient, which goes against everything they ever were before, and suddenly they have to deal with the fact that Anakin has wants and needs that go beyond that of his parent."

"Yes," Qui-Gon agreed. "I think – or at least the way Anakin perceived it – the Force is shackling themself with his existence, in his existence. He became aware of it through a factor I have not yet determined, and that resulted in his breakdown."

"And so you decided to cover up these shackles."

"I did."

It was the only way he could have stopped Anakin from self-destructing.

X

The Force had shifted for the third time in less than a decade after so many years of slowly eroding away.

It was strange. Where once it was clouded, twisted, and shadowed as his Master and his Master's Master had crafted it, there was a rift now, a clearing.

It was shedding light on objects that should not be seen.

Darth Sidious pulled the shadows closer around himself and, throwing one last glance at his Master's dead body, decided to investigate.

He had need for an apprentice.

[exhaustedfander]

moxiety with fake dating? mayhaps with some gay panicking because ahhh cute stranger hold hngg hand??

I was having such stupid technical difficulties ith Word, but here it is, sorry it’s been like three weeks, lol. I’d love to hear what you think! 

a03 link

word count: 3,008

Fake it Till You Make it 

Virgil’s always careful whilst staking out a seat in the coffee shop he frequents. He makes sure not to sit in an area that’s too crowded, as to bypass unnecessary human-contact, while simultaneously avoiding the table too close to the door that lets a draft in. He’s been coming here a long time now, as it’s the closest place to his College, as well as the fact that the coffee is reasonably priced, and the atmosphere is pretty damn cozy. Also… there’s a barista that happens to be the cutest man Virgil’s ever laid his eyes on, but that’s beside the point! 

By now, all of the staff know his order – a cinnamon Cappuccino with enough whipped cream to drown in – like the back of their hands, so he has to worry about social interaction a lot less than usual. The adorable barista in question, Patton, has only ever taken his order, sweet as can be while doing so, but Virgil’s never really talked to the guy. Not that he plans on it! That is waaay too nerve-racking to so much as think about, thank you very much. Sure, he can get lost in those ocean-blue eyes and often fantasizes about running his hand through those strawberry-blonde curls but talking to him is strictly out of the question. He likes this coffee spot and would really hate to have to find a new shop all because he’s made a fool of himself. 

So, it’s not hard to imagine Virgil’s utter shock when he finds that very same barista standing beside him, a dazzling smile on his face.

“Is this seat taken?” He asks, in reference to the chair beside him, and Virgil’s fairly sure he forgets how to breathe for a moment. 

“Uh – no,” he manages to stutter, “It’s all yours, man.” The barista grins, sitting beside him. 

“Thanks… Virgil, right?” Virgil blinks surprised he’d remember something as inconsequence as his name. 

“Yeah,” Virgil says, “My, uh, friends call me Virge. You can, too, if you wanted to.” Virgil despises the way his voice is trembling; why is he so fucking nervous? It’s just basic, human, social interaction (with the most beautiful man to grace this Earth, but basic, human social interaction nonetheless)

“Sure, thing, Virge. I’m Patton,” he says, as though Virgil hadn’t memorized the name on his nametag the moment, he saw him. “I like your pin, by the way.” 

Virgil glances down at the Bisexual pin on his backpack, feeling heat rise to his cheeks. It’s not like he’s missed the rainbow shirt he’s seen peeking out from behind Patton’s apron sometimes – an apron he doesn’t currently have on, meaning he’s off the clock, also meaning instead of going home, he’s sitting here, talking to him. So, yeah, Patton’s probably gay, and he’s talking to him, but that doesn’t actually mean anything. It doesn’t stop Virgil from panicking quite a bit, though. 

“Thanks,” Virgil says, trying his absolute hardest to keep his cool. He’s wanted to talk to Patton for so long, but he hadn’t imagined it would ever actually happen. 

“You come here a lot, huh?” Patton asks. Virgil rubs at the back of his neck, struggling to maintain eye-contact. 

“Uh- yeah. This is a cool place, and it’s not too far from my school.” Virgil fails to mention the fact that Patton’s a big reason he comes in nearly daily, thinking such a detail might come off as super creepy.

As awkward as Virgil is, a conversation is struck up. He learns that Patton is a student at his college, too (How the fuck did he manage to miss a face like that??) and that he’s studying to be a Veterinarian, which Virgil finds a little funny, considering he’s terribly allergic to cats. Patton’s a big fan of dad-jokes and puns, and while he can try and groan, it just manages to make Patton all the more adorable. He also discovers that yes, Patton is gay and that he first came about a year ago. 

“Yeah, my parents weren’t too thrilled,” Patton says in a voice that’s desperately trying to stay chipper, but the sorrow creeps in all the same, “They still aren’t.” 

“Mine either,” Virgil says before he really knows what he’s saying, “I haven’t, uh, talked to them in a long time. I might never again, honestly.” A look of sympathy crosses Patton’s face, though it’s clear that he relates, maybe more than he wants to admit to himself. 

“I’m so sorry to hear that, Virge.” 

Virgil shrugs. It’s nothing new. He came out to his parents at seventeen, a choice that was quite the feat considering the level of anxiety he suffers from, and it hadn’t gone well at all. His folks hadn’t kicked him out, but they’d insisted that he was never to take a boy home. At first, Virgil had tried to get on their good side, they were his parents, after all. But it didn’t take long for him to realize what a fruitless venture that was. They weren’t going to change, regardless of how much he wanted them to. 

Once he got to college, he had an opportunity to meet a few really great people, despite his social-anxiety, individuals who had shown him how important it is to have positive relationships in life. At this point, it could undo a few years of positive change to let his parents back into his life, and Virgil wasn’t about to go and do a thing like that.

“It’s alright,” he says, “They’re assholes, anyway. I got some pretty cool relatives though, and some really good friends, so that helps.” Patton frowns, and suddenly Virgil decides he despises the sad expression on him, wondering what the hell he could do to make it go away.

“My parents are assholes too,” Patton murmurs, as though saying such a word is incomprehensively bad, and as if Virgil hadn’t said it too about three seconds ago. “They really are. I’ve been trying. Trying so hard to be patient with them and allow them time to adjust but… it just isn’t happening. They’re still talking about when I end up with “some lucky lady.” I don’t know…” Patton pauses, his eyes widening, “Oh my goodness, I’m sorry.” Virgil tilts his head. 

“What for?”

“For dumping all that on you. I mean, we hardly know each other. It was rude of me.” 

“Nah, man, you’re good. I was just talking about my parents, there’s no reason to apologize. And I should know, I’m kind of the king of apologizing for shit I didn’t do.” Patton cracks a small smile at that, and Virgil swells with a pit too much pride. “My point is, you didn’t overshare, or anything. We’re just having a conversation, you’re good, I promise.” Patton looks relieved. 

“Thanks, Virgil. You’re really nice.” Virgil’s heart can’t help but soar a little bit at that. Sometimes, he’s convinced he’s a massive asshole, despite his friends insisting that it isn’t. but it’s really nice to know that Patton thinks he’s nice.

“No prob, Pat. You’re nice too.”

“Well then, I’m glad we were able to break the nice,” Patton says, earning a half-hearted groan. “I’ve kinda wanted to talk to you for a while, actually.” Virgil’s heart skips a beat. 

“R-really? Why?”

“Because,” Patton says with a smile, “You always seemed so interesting. Mentioning your Pin was, uh, kind of just an excuse to talk to you,” Patton admits and, holy shit, is he flirting?! Virgil can’t tell, but sirens are going off in his head regardless. 

“I – uh,” Virgil bites his tongue, trying to come up with a dignified response of some kind, but failing to do so. “Thanks?” Despite Virgil’s criminal lack of tact, Patton just smiles, a look that quickly disappears when he gets a notification and checks his phone.

“What’s up?” Virgil asks, before realizing it’s hardly his business. He’s known Patton for what? An hour or so now – oh my god, Patton’s been talking to him for over an hour – and that doesn’t give Virgil the authority to inquire upon the barista’s personal life beyond what he’s already been told. Patton shakes his head.

“My cousin Dalilah getting married next week,” Patton explains, despite Virgil’s hesitation, “She’s one of the only family members who I’m really close to; she’s such a sweetheart.”

“Then what’s wrong?” 

“My mom and dad are going to be at the wedding,” Patton sighs, “And I don’t have a date. If I show up without some guy on my arm, I know they’re just gonna assume that the crisis is over, and they can set me up with the next available girl. They already think me being gay is a phase, this is all the reason they need to think the phase is over.” A sad look flickers in Patton’s eyes and instantly, all logic or uncertainty that Virgil’s clinging to goes out the window.

“What if I was your date?” Patton’s eyes go as wide as saucers and, oh shit, he really just said that aloud.

“W-what?”

“L-like a fake date,” Virgil backpedals, his heart rate spiking in a matter of seconds, “So t-that your parents aren’t dicks to you. Or at least, are less of dicks.” 

For a moment, Virgil almost dares to think that the explanation made Patton look kinda… disappointed? Not that it would make much sense, it’s not like he’d actually want Virgil to be his date. 

“Virgil you… you can’t be serious.”

“Well, why not?” Virgil asks, knowing he’s most probably going to regret this later, “You’re a cool guy who’s in a shitty situation. Your parents are going to be relentless to you, and I don’t like the idea of that, so… why don’t I make things a little easier for you?” Virgil says, impressed he gets through it without feeling as anxious as he had a few moments ago. 

“I couldn’t ask you to do that,” Patton mumbles guiltily, his eyes cast on the table, “I wouldn’t want you to sacrifice your weekend just for me.” 

“Pat, I was just gonna aimlessly scroll through Tumblr till two in the morning and watch shitty TV. And– erm– being your fake date sounds a lot more interesting to me.” (Not to mention nerve-racking!) Patton meets Virgil’s gaze once more, relief etched into his features.

“You’d really be willing to do this?” Patton asks, “You don’t need to, you know.”

“I want to,” Virgil assures. “So, what do you say?” Patton thinks for a moment before that beautiful smile spreads across his face anew.

“That sounds perfect! Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you!” Patton says, standing up from his chair and throwing his arms around the emo, “You’re a lifesaver, Virgil!” Virgil stiffens in the awkward embrace, before accepting it to the best of his ability, trying not to freak out because Patton fucking Hart is hugging him! 

“Sure thing, Pat.” 

After that, arrangements are made. As it turns out, Patton isn’t the biggest fan of lying, hates it, honestly, which makes things a little trickier. But a compromise is come to that they met each other in the Coffee shop, which was true and had been on a few dates prior to the wedding. While that wasn’t technically true (God does Virgil wish it was) they do spend several days throughout the week hanging out and getting to know one another. And within those few days, Virgil’s infatuation with Patton inflames to a full-on crush which is just great.

Getting better acquainted with him, Virgil finds himself quickly getting used to Patton’s bubbly personality. He’s eager to pet every dog he comes into contact with, he enjoys baking quite a bit, though he’s not great at it, he’s adorably awkward in the best ways and he’s one of the kindest, most genuine people Virgil’s ever met. 

Usually, Virgil’s so well-guarded, but with Patton, he’s opening up quicker and more willingly than he has in such a long time. Patton listens with such compassion, and while Virgil’s really happy to have the other friends that he does, he’s never met someone as sweet as Patton is. It’s almost a little overwhelming at times, how caring he is. 

Before they know it, the day is upon them. Virgil gets a rental suite while trying not to swoon at Patton in his sky-blue tux, because really, how is it legal for him to look that cute?

Patton grabs his hand the moment they walk into the venue, sending Virgil a careful glance and squeezing his hand just slightly.

“This okay?” He whispers, ever the compassionate one, and Virgil nods.

“Yeah, ‘s okay.” Virgil can’t recall the last time someone held his hand, and he certainly can’t remember the number of times he’s imagined Patton holding his hand, prior to them even being friends. 

They take their seats, and the ceremony proceeds as usual. It’s beautiful, not that Virgil is paying too much attention, distracted by Patton’s nervous glances toward an older couple that must be his folks.

“Hey, are you alright?” Virgil asks quietly. Patton forces a smile, his eyes trained on his cousin and her fiancé.

“Yeah, I’m – I’m fine,” – he doesn’t sound fine –, “It’s just…” Patton trails off, his gaze flickering back to his parents for a moment. Virgil places his hand over Patton’s, who’s trembling is noticeable immediately. Carefully, Virgil runs his thumb over Patton’s knuckles in an even, circular motion. Luckily, it seems to calm Patton down to a degree, and he doesn’t take his eyes off of Dalilah for the rest of the ceremony. 

However, almost immediately upon the afterparty starting, they’re cornered by Mr. and Mrs. Hart.

“Patton, you didn’t come and say hello,” his mother scolds. 

“Well, there were a lot of people,” Patton says nervously, “I figured we’d –.”

“Who’s this?” Patton’s father interrupts, gesturing to Virgil standing beside him.

“Virgil Storme,” Virgil says as calmly as he’s able, extending a hand for the father to shake. Mr. Hart’s hand remains rigid at his side. “I’m Patton’s boyfriend. It’s nice to meet you.” 

Virgil can’t help but notice as anxiety wells up inside of him because, fuck, they’d never said they were going to call each other boyfriend’s, just that they’d been on a few dates, but Mr. Hart had such a smug look and he couldn’t help it. Despite his raging internal monologue, Patton plants a hand onto the small of his back, lips curling into a smile.

“That’s right,” Patton says, “Mom, Dad, this is my boyfriend.” 

The look of slackened shock on their faces would be priceless, weren’t it for the fact that these are still Patton’s parents, individuals who’ve had a direct influence on him throughout the entirety of his life.

“You’ve never – you’ve never mentioned a boyfriend before,” Patton’s mother says, glaring at her son. 

“And certainly not one who looks like some kind of a hooligan,” Mr. Hart grits, gesturing to Virgil’s dyed purple hair and pierced ears. Virgil intends to let the insult go, as it would only cause more trouble to confront it, but Patton has other ideas.

“Hey, you have no right to talk like that about Virgil,” Patton says, an edge to his voice that Virgil had yet to hear until now. Virgil grips for Patton’s hand, lacing their fingers together and giving him a reassuring squeeze.

“How long has this been going on, sweetie?” Mrs. Hart chimes in, though it’s unclear if she’s referring to Virgil himself, or Patton’s sexuality as a whole. Either way, it’s a poor choice of words.

“My whole life, mom,” Patton spits, a venomous tone that would surely be louder if they weren’t at a wedding, “I’ve been gay my whole life, and nothing is going to change that.”

“But –.”

“But, nothing,” Patton interrupts boldly, “I’m not having this conversation, not again. If you can’t accept the fact that I’m never going to end up with ‘some nice girl,’ and that Virgil is absolutely wonderful, then we haven’t got anything to talk about.”

The words are a slap across Mr. and Mrs. Hart's face, who reel back in shock. 

“Patton, son –.”

“Goodbye,” Patton says, realizing it might very well be the last time he says it. He begins walking out of the reception and Virgil follows close behind. They make it outside, and luckily there’s no one else around.

“Pat… are you okay?” Virgil asks, reaching out to touch Patton’s shoulder.

“I’m done, Virgil. I’m done being gentle for them, I’m done pretending. It’s not worth it.” Pride wells in Virgil, even though he’s known Patton a little less than a week. 

“Well, then, I can tell you that was amazing! You kicked ass, Patton! Did you see the stupid look on their faces? They were so –.” Virgil is quickly interrupted when Patton’s lips collide against his, fingers gripping his lapels. Virgil needs a second to adjust and realize this is actually happening before he kisses back just as fervidly, his hands threading in Patton’s curls that are soft to the touch, just as he’d always imagined. 

“We’re – we’re not still pretending, right?” Virgil asks dumbly, and Patton shakes his head with a laugh, light, and airy.

“No, no of course not. Unless… you want it to be pretend?” 

“No! God, n-no! You’re amazing, Pat, you’re so kind, and soft and good and cute and… oh god, I’m rambling.” Patton giggles again, and Virgil decides it’s one of the best sounds he’s had the pleasure of hearing. 

“It’s cute.” 

“You’re cuter.”

“No, you are.”

The never-ending debacle of who is cuter is decidedly ended when their lips meet again, and Virgil’s positive this outweighs anything fantasy had to offer.

In the end, Patton hasn’t told a lie. Virgil is his boyfriend, even if they didn’t start the day out that way. The two walk back into the venue, hand-in-hand, watching as the Hart’s avert their eyes and Patton happily introduces Virgil to the family and friends who matter. 

Virgil’s never been so glad he walked into that coffee shop.

=+=

Taglist:

@nadiestar

@unoriginalgayboyalex 

@maryann-draws

Please let me know if you wanna be added to my general taglist! I’d be happy to add folks!

[youmustbestrongernow]

Hi, I am sorry I just saw one of your answers to that one ask and I have something to say to that. I really hope I am not intruding, rude or anything. I just don't know with whom I can talk about it. And you always seem pretty nice.

The thing is I grew up in a pretty heternormative world. So I always assumed that I am straight. There just was not another option. But since a few years I started guessing. Guessing that I might be bi? But that just doesn't really seem to fit. And I know one doesn't need to label themselves (I don't know if you have a label for your sexuality? It kinda sounded like pan but I am apologizing if I got that wrong. English is not my mothertongue, so mayhaps I misread!).

Because I don't think that gender plays a role in my attraction. I do think I just fall in love with a person (I do also think that I am demi).

And I don't know the point of my ask. But I needed to let it out.

Do you label yourself? Because I think that would give myself security, if I do know. But I also know a lot of people who say that pan is rude and the same as bi and unnecessary.

ah am i nice? i like to think i am, and you’re not intruding. seriously ,like i think just the awareness that it might be an intrusive question always softens it somewhat, because it clarifies the intent, you’re just asking a question, not demanding and that’s fine.

but also didn’t we all, well i did at least, i would say i was surrounded by a heteronormative world until i got to sixth form (16), i knew i wasn’t straight or anything, and i knew there were other options, although what i knew then was limited. like i didn’t have a lot of access to resources to educate myself otherwise. and still being surrounded by everyone else who was, didn’t have me shouting it from the rooftops or anythign. being different in school is never what you want so i get that.

still it’s good to guess and figure yourself out and you can change that label as much as you want as you learn about yourself, but you’re right i am pan, for me it’s always about the person, regardless of their gender. like i said last night there’s things i sometimes like in different genders, but that doesn’t change the way i fall in love. i am also very very demi, and that one i figured out a bit later, the pan thing was just like yeah that’s me, but the demi thing was like woah, a proper moment where it all clicked.

but there doesn’t need to be a point to your asks, just let it out, it’s so good to kind of talk yourself through it, that’s what my answers always are, like well done for understanding what i was getting at last night in my rambly way, especially if english isn’t your first language, because i know i was barely making sense (i was weirdly tired and wide awake)

but i do label myself pan, when the opportunity arises (like i have a little pan planet sticker on my laptop right now that i can see) but yes if i was describing myself that would be one of my labels. i feel like i have a lot of things that i am and sometimes i worry that it’s too much, but to be honest i’m at a stage in my life where i don’t care, i can be who i want, who i am you know? so i think if it gives you security you should use it, you clearly want to. i’m lucky that i don’t know anyone like that, or if i do they’ve never had a go at me. but if people are rude about who you are they’re the bad guys, you’re not wrong you know? even if you don’t feel strong enough to argue with them, it doesn’t take away who you are, i believe you when you say you’re pan

[cosmicmoved]

HEADCANON for SUMI

actually, this is a headcanon for karam too but this specific post is more sumi-centric so maybe i’ll talk about the karam end of things later. for now, though, it’s sumi’s turn bc i don’t talk about her enough (:

Okay, so I’ve decided to drag Sumi into Karam’s plotline for no reason besides that...I Wanted To but it also helps his plotline make more sense if he has a sort-of go-between character like Sumi in there somewhere. This post will explain what that means and why I’ve come to this decision! Until now, Sumi was kind of just her own character and she wasn’t really tied to any plot besides her own but I didn’t really know what to do with her beyond her backstory. I think this was definitely limiting her as a character so I’d like to use this chance to give her more direction! So, from hereon out, she’s going to be part of the Karam plotline! She’s still her own character but I like making my muses know each other bc,,,idk,...it feels like a more complete universe in my head. Anyway, with that out of the way, I’ll get on to explaining the story behind this connection! Full disclosure though, I’m sticking it under a Read More because it got kind of lengthy. I did TRY to be more succinct but maybe it’s about time I just accept that I’m not capable of that /:

First off, a lot of stuff might be setting or verse-dependent. I guess I’ve written stuff where these muses aren’t strictly based in one country and there’s always the chance of one of them moving somewhere else for the sake of a certain plotline? But the fun thing about rp is its fluidity so I’m going to try and stop getting overly concerned about details that don’t really matter too much. Sumi travels a lot. Maybe Karam tags along sometimes. Shit gets vague. It’s fine. ASDFGHGFDS......

To keep things simple, Sumi is the one who first found Karam when he wound up in the city after his forest was destroyed -- or, rather, she was the first person to try and help him. Other people had likely found/seen him but ignored him one reason or other (he would’ve been pretty dishevelled and tbh,,,probably naked bc what the fuck is he gonna wear clothes in the forest for). As I’ve said before, Sumi can tell when people aren’t human. Her senses aren’t especially strong so she can’t always place what somebody actually is, only if they’re a human or a ghost; she doesn’t have an inherently ability to sense what somebody is but, because she’s spent so much time learning to separate living humans from the spirits of the dead, she’s developed the ability to tell when somebody is neither, even if she can’t say for certain What they are. Because it’s a feat of applied knowledge and not a natural ability, mistakes happen. Now, Karam is a spirit. Not remotely human, despite his appearance. Still, long story short, Sumi mistook him for a ghost and, despite her charging humans for help with their ghostly issues, she’s often willing to help a ghost in need free of charge (because um...ghosts don’t have money). When she found Karam, he was in a state of obvious distress so she assumed he must have been a pretty new ghost, the sort who haven’t at all come to terms with the fact that they are, y’know, dead. Much to her shock, he wasn’t dead and was instead very much alive and tangible but still very much in need of help. More in need of help than she’d expected, in fact.

Sumi has always been the sisterly type so it felt natural to reach out a hand to somebody in need, mostly out of the goodness for heart and because she felt bad for him but also partly because Karam reminds her a little bit of Chulsoo, her late brother (despite being much much older, Karam looks about the age Chulsoo would be if he were still alive) with whom she is in no longer contact despite his being a ghost because he decided to use the afterlife to See The World until he was ready for Sumi to exorcise him. Yikes. That’s another story for another post. She was able to offer Karam a place to stay, a spare room in her apartment (where he’d start this new experience by staying in his room for a fortnight straight, only leaving to slink his way in and out of the bathroom), and help him make sense of a new and confusing world. First, she would offer him her brother’s old clothes to wear and then she would eventually resign herself to the reality of the situation and agree to buy Karam his own clothes, letting him pick out what he liked but also giving him tips wherever possible (financially speaking, this wasn’t her smartest move but she has a guilty pleasure in clothes shopping and the knowledge that she was doing it to help somebody else made her feel better about the whole thing).

In fact, she helped him get tidied up in general. Let him pick out a hairstyle from a pile of magazine and used her experience with hairdressing to replicate it for him. Maybe it’s because Sumi’s rather vain herself (and proud of it, mind you) but she’d fully believed a good start for Karam was to help him discover his own image and use that to regain confidence. Well...that, and the fact he’d looked an absolute state when she found him and she was of the firm belief that it was a shame for him to be wasting his pretty face on dishevelled hair and ill-fitting clothes that hung off him. But, really, Sumi sees her image as the ultimate form of self-expression. The way she styles herself is her way of telling the world who she is --- and, for someone who spends so much time with ghosts, looking as bright and lively as possible means a lot to her --- so she believed that helping Karam with that sort of thing might help him with this strange transition into a new world and come into his own. Yes, she was aware that this plan might fail and Karam might have been distinctly uninterested in his own looks but it ended up working out well. Karam is slow to warm to most very human things but he picked up on this quite quickly and was very willing to engage with it. For Karam, it was a matter of everything changing too fast and those changes being so overwhelming that making these dramatic changes over which he had full control, changes that he made himself and that weren’t forced on him, helped him to process the situation --- but I’ll talk about that in more detail another time, this is Sumi’s post.

Karam is very distrustful of humans and, although he trusts Sumi more than most on account of her having helped him so much, there’s a part of him that is paranoid it’s some kind of trick. Because of this, he tends to keep Sumi at an emotional distance. After all, despite her abilities, she’s still essentially just human and he’s been forced to regretting humans in the past (that is also another story for another time because, again, this is not Karam’s post so I won’t be going into details here). Although it’s frustrating, Sumi understands this and lets Karam keep his distance. She understands that he’s grateful regardless and she doesn’t want to cause any unnecessary discomfort. But, even besides that, their relationship is a little odd simply because they butt heads a lot. She kind of just lets him away with shit because she finds him endearing. Often, Karam won’t even stick around at her place. He’ll just disappear for days on end and resurface when he feels like it but it’s more about the choice to have somewhere he can return. Y’know, the illusion of home. 

Perhaps it’s because of that initial comparison she made between him and Chulsoo or perhaps it’s because he has such a young appearance but, despite the large age gap (wherein Karam is just under 240 years older than her), Karam brings out the big sister in Sumi. Maybe this is also why Karam doesn’t like her that much LMAO...............actually, he kinds of HATES it but asdfghgfd. In the time since she’s met him, she’s seen him struggle with things; she’s seen that he does have good moments and that he’s not intentionally rude in any way so much as he just has a hard time with certain social rules. She’s grown fond of him and feels that she has to try and help him out. Again, it’s hard to say if this is because of the time she spends helping ghosts or if it’s because he ignites the part of her that feels guilty for not being able to protect Chulsoo. It could just be that she’s sincerely worried about Karam. Maybe it’s a combination of them all, Sumi can’t quite tell for herself.

[tiaragqueen]

Can I ask for a soft! yandere Sehun? Like really overprotective, whipped n clingy?

Figments Of Imagination

I’m not really proud of this one, because for some reason, I find it hard to write a soft yandere. Hope you don’t mind me changing your request a bit.

[Special thanks to @weonhee for the song suggestion]

If you like mywriting, please support me on ko-fi!

“You don’t know it, but I’ve made my mind up. You’ll wind up in my arms. First, I have to break down your resistance to my charms.” - Rome Wasn’t Built In A Day [Nick Lowe]

People often told you that Sehun was cold, rude, and intelligent. ‘Rich Bastard’ was what those jealous boys used to call him as. Whenever someone smiled at him, he barely smiled back or even bothered to look. Despite that, he had many admirers – mostly secret – and was pretty famous around the campus due to his cool, handsome face.

You were one of those few people that didn’t give a shit about his existence. Not because you had a personal grudge against him or something, but because you really didn’t care about him. Sure, he was handsome. So what? There were a lot of other attractive boys, and certainly friendlier, than him. He was rich, but many students were wealthy too. Yourself, included. Besides, you didn’t go into college for the sake of getting a boyfriend, regardless of the cliché love letters and confessions you’d gotten. You weren’t necessarily a nerd, but you liked to be prepared for your future. Enjoying a good book was better than dealing with unnecessary drama that came from dating someone, anyway.

And yet, for some unknown reasons, you became the target of his attention.

It occurred subtly; like the soft, almost non-existent, smile that he gave to you whenever you stumbled upon him in the hallways. Obviously, you missed it. If there were rare times when you did catch that faint yet totally random smile, you didn’t ponder over it much. Perhaps, he was thinking about something and you just so happened to be in his way of gaze.

Then, he would proceed to explain the subjects you weren’t particularly understand. Without your request, too. It was like he suddenly developed some kind of a sixth sense to your struggles, even though you never showed it blatantly. You thanked him, of course. You weren’t an ingrate just because you didn’t give a shit about him. He helped you, after all, the least you could do was to acknowledge and appreciate it. You might seem apathetic sometimes, but you still had your manners.

After he deemed that those two ‘techniques’ weren’t enough to catch your interest, he would offer you a ride to home. It was a free ride, but you didn’t want to disappoint your driver who had came so far to pick you up. However, Sehun seemed upset when you rejected and insisted for you to take it. You persisted, but after much pleading – he went as far as to show the ‘puppy dog eyes’ which was more hilarious to you than pitiful – you relented. Soon, it became a daily thing for you to go home with him. His ‘fans’ weren’t pleased with the sudden development between you both, yet you remained indifferent to their glares and snide remarks.

The seemingly sweet gestures continued until he became bolder with you. Wrapping an arm around your waist, intertwining your fingers together, resting his head on your shoulder whilst playing with his phone, laying on your lap, and even went as far as to feed you. You were a bit flustered, to say the least. Nobody had never been this… intimate with you, yet you recomposed by guessing that maybe he was secretly a big softie around close friends.

Now that you thought about it, you had never seen him walking with his friends. You doubted that he even had one. It was like he was a loner – most likely antisocial – despite the fame he’d gained from his wealth and ‘handsome’ face.

If this affection kept up, other people might start assuming that you were his girlfriend now.

You scrunched your nose in disgust. Dating wasn’t a part of your agenda, nor did you want to do it with Sehun. Sure, he was… nice, but you just didn’t feel a ‘special’ connection with him. Besides, you didn’t consider him as more than a mere friend.

“I’m home!” Your tired voice echoed in the quiet house as you took off your shoes. Sighing, you wiped the sweat from your brows and went inside. Sehun was absent with an excuse that he needed to deal with ‘some important business’, whatever it was. Your driver was ill too, so you were forced to walk from your university to home. You could’ve hailed a cab or ordered one of those online cars, but you felt like walking today.

“[Name] is a wonderful woman, indeed.”

You halted in your tracks upon hearing the familiar voice. Peeking into the living room, you saw him sitting beside your parents. “Sehun?”

“Baby!” Your mother’s face immediately lit up at your arrival. “Cone here, come here. We’ve got some great news for you!”

Confused, you obeyed and sat in front of Sehun. “What is it? And what are you doing here, Sehun? I thought you were dealing with ‘important business’.”

Sehun smiled mysteriously. “This is an important business.” he replied.

“Huh?” You frowned, but before you could investigate any further, your mother spoke up first.

“This lovely gentleman here was asking for our permission to court you, and we said yes.”

You choked on your own spit, much to your parents’ chagrin. “W-what…? You… you’re kidding, right? There’s no way–” You snapped your head towards the said man. “Sehun! What the fuck is this, huh?!”

“[Name], language!” Your father’s baritone voice boomed, yet you were far too angry and shocked with the news to heed his warning.

“What’s with this bullshit, huh? Courting me? We’re not even dating!” you shouted, fists clenched on your sides.

Sehun stared at you as if you’d grown another head. “[Name], what are you talking about? Of course, we’re dating.”

You gasped, the tremor in your body left as soon as it came. There was nothing you could utter other than a soft ‘what’ when he unlocked his phone to show the photo of you two sitting together in a restaurant that you’d taken three months ago.

“Don’t you remember? This was our first date. And this,” he swiped countless of pictures until it stopped at the particular one where you wore a red dress he’d given to you for his birthday a month ago. “This was our first anniversary.”

Your mother sighed and shook her head in exasperation. “Honestly, [Name], you’re so forgetful.” she murmured.

“No, Mom.” You took a step back, breathing heavily. “Those… those are fake! We’re just friends, Mom! We’re not dating, for God’s sake. He didn’t even confess to me!”

“On the contrary, I did.” Sehun piped in as he stood up, his tall figure towering over your trembling one. “When I asked you, ‘I like you. Do you want to be with me forever?’, you said yes.”

“B-but it was just ‘like’! It’s not love!” you sputtered, desperately trying to convince your parents that this was all fake. That you weren’t dating, and most of all, you weren’t his fucking girlfriend.

“That’s enough!” your father snapped again, shutting down the words that bubbled in your throat. “He already showed us the evidence, therefore you don’t have a right to question it.”

Your mother nodded in agreement, and you felt like crying at the gesture. “Besides, Sehun’s family is wealthy. He’ll surely take better care of you.”

Sehun silently approached you and rested his hands on your slumping shoulders. “Don’t worry, [Name], you’re in safe hands.” he whispered, nuzzling his face on the crook of your neck.

Your mother squealed at the sight while your father merely smiled, glad that you’d found a ‘compatible’ partner after being single for so long. However, they failed to see the smirk that grew against your skin, nor the wicked glint in his dark eyes.

“How gullible,” his voice sent shivers down your spine as his hand reached out to clasp your trembling hand. “At least, they made everything easier. Don’t worry, [Name], we’re gonna be happy forever.”

[hold-on-a-little-longer-whump]

Tell me about your OC's! — @i-kill-my-darlings

@i-kill-my-darlings Ohhhh boy you know exactly how to get me talking. I’ll be doing official introduction posts in the future, but this will work for now *cracks knuckles*

First and foremost, I have so many AUs that I can’t even choose what is canon anymore. Bear with me. Now, on to my first brainchild Charlie.

Full name: Charleston Grant Darling, prefers to be called Charles or Charlie

Height: 5’10”

Ethnicity: Austrian, Russian, Arabic

Gender ID: Male, He/Him

Appearance: Wide, strong shoulders; oak brown hair; widow’s peak hairline; medium-small roman nose; intense, darkest blue eyes (often mistaken for black); average cheekbones; strong jaw; thick eyebrows; close-shaven beard; DIY star tattoo on wrist from teen years, scar on collarbone; muscly boi™

Role: Everyone’s impulse control, sharpshooter, tank, human shield & wounded transport

Traits at first glance: terse, observant, standoff-ish, skeptical, talks to get the point across

Traits after earning his trust: curious, devoted, mildly humorous, values his personal space, bad with words, hard-working

Likes: jokes, thunderstorms, reading, traveling, camping, music, and foggy mornings

Dislikes: wet socks, flowers indoors, excessive heat, gambling, doctors, sitting still, coffee, and kids he says

Fears: Who says you get to know?

Weaknesses: deep water, he sinks very easily; ankles - they snag on things when he’s not paying attention; authoritative figures, climbing, when friends or significant other is threatened, flirting? flirting.

Listen, this boy just wants to be left alone with his hunting gear. All he desires is the hermit life. Trophy hunter? Check. Hired help for animals that are getting out of hand? Check. Unexpectedly and unofficially adopted as team sharpshooter? He’s convinced this is because they all suck at target practice.

He’s a horrible conversationalist unless drunk - then you can never get him to shut up.

He really wants to publish a book some day, but he’s too harsh of a judge and scraps almost everything he writes. Nobody knows he writes.

DAD FRIEND

If you ever get close enough, he smells like honey, cinnamon, and leather

*slaps roof* this bad boy can fit so much self-doubt and angst

He either overthinks to the last detail or jumps on something without considering anything - and there is no in between.

He’s the best out of the team at that soft “Hey...” when reassuring or comforting.

He does not do doctors. Bad experience with them as a kid. He will do every herbal remedy possible before being dragged to a hospital bc he put it off for so long.

“For my next trick I will disappear without an explanation”

After a scare or a fright, he sneezes.

In some AUs, an ex-soldier.

Next up: Beatrice!

Full name: Beatrice Anne Vitale, nicknames include Bea, Bess, & Bumble-Bee

Height: 5’4”

Ethnicity: Swedish, Native American, other ethnicities unknown

Gender ID: Female, She/Her

Appearance: pear-shaped, plump but strong; small shoulders; wispy, curly/wavy chestnut brown hair that’s cut to just above her shoulders; beauty marks (notably, one below her left eye & one on her neck); her eyes are bright, hazel with flecks of gray; dark-but-neat eyebrows; slightly prominent cheekbones; small chin; button nose; heart-shaped lips that are naturally pink; burn scar on right wrist and large birthmark covering her left thigh.

Role: Healer, slaps others when they need a slapping and apologizes directly afterwards, sneak/stealth ninja

Traits at first glance: quiet, painfully polite, passive, timid

Traits after getting to know her: cheery, energetic, relatively talkative, stubborn af

Likes: lilies, lavender, quiet, strawberries, pumpkin-flavored foods, making her own decisions, snow, autumn, she loves cows, chilly weather, dancing

Dislikes: being told what to do, drunk people, strange bugs, sweating, being rude, being underestimated, talking to others in front of her family, being laughed at, small talk, when people cry, unnecessary drama, obligations, and being called “cute”

Fears: not fulfilling her goals, loud noises, crowded places, frogs, having children/being pregnant, and being rejected

Weaknesses: cannot flirt to save her life, terrible liar, combat, public speaking, confrontation, gullible

Her parents are ridiculously overbearing. She just wants to make her own decisions - routine is nice, but not for your entire life.

When she’s nervous she fidgets with her hair or tugs on her earlobes

She smells of lavender and ink

When she’s excited about something, her words tend to run together and gradually increase in volume.

Even though she’s terrible in combat and fights in general, she keeps a surprisingly level head and doesn’t panic.

If you make her angry enough she’ll give you the silent treatment - usually after a good shouting row first

Just like Charlie, she’s clueless with flirting. If you’re nice to her, she assumes that you want to be friends and goes along with it. She’ll only get the hint if you actually kiss her or tell her outright. Too bad Gideon can’t work up the balls.

Speaking of which: Gideon!

Full name: Gideon Faye Miles

Height: 6’2”

Ethnicity: Scottish, Spanish, & Portuguese

Gender ID: Male, He/Him

Appearance: Average build; ashen blond/red hair tied back in a pony tail; hazy brown eyes w/ a patch of sky blue under his left iris; freckles all over; his face is narrow but attractive; average cheekbones; sharp chin; a soul patch

Role: the one that plows in headfirst and does rash things without consulting everyone else first - wannabe leader, but let’s be real here this team is a collective effort

Traits at first glance: annoying, full of himself, lucky, debonair, airy, stuck up

Traits after you get to know him: inventive, fair, lively, organized, committed

Likes: finding ways to make others smile, babies!!!, cherries, meteorology, sailing, messes (so he can clean them), cleaning, braiding everyones’ hair

Dislikes: harsh winds, unloyal spouses/dating partners, bad/cheap shoes that make his feet ache, hammocks, wind chimes, tedious tasks (Beatrice gets him to detangle her yarn as punishment), mushrooms

Fears: tiny spaces/crawlspaces, skunks, getting sick, making a decision/mistake that wrecks everything/puts his team in danger, freezing to death

Weaknesses: randomly zones out when being spoken to/doesn’t listen, the team is positive that his cause of death will be competitiveness, he’s horrible at adapting to last minute changes

He smells clean. Like freshly watered plants and sudsy soap.

He has the unfortunate habit of forgetting his drink is full and ends up soaking himself. The team buys him a sippy cup as a joke but he secretly loves it and uses it all the time.

He is the epitome of a guy being perfectly at peace with his feminine side and still feeling masculine/comfortable af.

Shaming? What’s that?

He’s always wearing his brown leather coat (appearance varies in AUs, but he always has it regardless)

He takes it as a personal challenge to sit in chairs in any way but the normal way. His favorite pose is the lounging monarch.

He cannot write well in print, but his cursive is lovely.

Loves being lazy and brags about his inability to get fat.

This boy will puppy-eye beg any girl he meets to give him the same killer manicure they have.

“Look! Twinsies!”

He would absolutely jump on the latest tiktok trend of swapping clothes with the girls and so help him he will summon a demon to get Charlie to do it with him

[everestv-themuse]

Thanks for the prompt! Platonic Shaelin Cadash & Josephine Montilyet for @ladylike-foxes​ @honestly-wilde​ @talesfromthefade​ @dadrunkwriting​

“Oh, Shaelin.” Josephine coos and it catches the dwarf off guard, to the point of stiffening, as the Ambassador stands to embrace her in a puffy-sleeved hug. “No need to hold back tears, nena, you can let it out.”

“I’m not...” Shaelin huffs a bit and rubs quickly at her eyes, allowing herself one sniffle before meeting Josephine’s honey gaze with a steeled one. “I’m not gonna cry, it isn’t worth crying over, I’m not a child. It’s just a dumb letter. One I was expecting anyway.”

Taking the fact that Shaelin stayed in her embrace as a good sign, even with arms hanging stubbornly at her sides, Josephine moves to close her office door and lead the young Inquisitor to one of the armchairs by the fire. “A dumb letter, of course, but one you want to talk about, yes? Tea?”

“No. I just came here to tell you because I thought...” Shaelin looks up from her hands folded in her lap and melts at the easy way Josephine’s head is tilted. She settles even more so in the comfortable chair and allows a nod. “One cup is fine, I guess. If you want. Cream and three—”

“Three sugars, I know, you heathen,” Josephine chuckles and pours cups for the two of them. “Now start from the beginning. Spare no details.”

“There are no details,” Shaelin says with a roll of her eyes, warm cup in hand as Josephine moves to settle in the armchair opposite her. “You wanted to invite the Carta to Skyhold now that we’re—”

“Your mothers. I suggested that you should invite your mothers to Skyhold, if that’s what you wanted. You agreed.” Josephine corrects gently and sips at her tea. Shaelin huffs.

“Yeah, well, whatever. I did.” She looks down and stirs her tea absently, remembering how many rolls of parchment she went through drafting that dumb letter, how many inkwells she spilled and knocked over and threw against the wall, how many quills she turned to darts and hit bullseyes with. She shakes her head. “Skyhold is fixed and finished and all pretty now and I thought it might impress them to...or, well...”

“It’s true,” Josephine says after a moment of hesitant silence from the other woman. “The renovations you personally oversaw have come along rather well. The herb garden is sought after by many, the sparring ring is a wonderful place for training and soldier bonding, and the mage tower is an impressive source of research and study. All places and decisions to be proud of. Your mothers would be as well.”

“Right, well, maybe I thought so too.” Shaelin stares deeply into the fireplace and tries to forget the way she would pop in on Leliana every chance she could, wondering again and again if any new mail had arrived, specifically with a certain double-axes wax seal. “Doesn’t matter. I sent the letter seeing if they’d come. They sent a letter saying they wouldn’t. You wanted to hold a whole dinner-party-dance-thing to welcome them, so I figured I’d come by to say it’s unnecessary.”

“Did they give a reason for their refusal?”

“Pfft. Of course not,” Shaelin puts down her tea in order to sprawl out in the chair, arms and legs extended and head thrown back. Josephine notes the similarities to Sera’s posture when she’s just as frustrated. “All I got back was nondescript Carta jargon. Like I was some pathetic buyer too beneath them to afford a proper response more than the usual cookie-cutter refusal. Like they didn’t even...ha! I bet they just had our scribe write something up! Probably didn’t even write it themselves.”

“Do you have the letter with you?” Josephine asks and almost forgets to dull the steel in her voice. Torn between offense at such a rude rejection and an itching need to reply to the letter herself, she only just remembers that a shunned daughter sits before her, dismissive of her hurt feelings as she is. Josephine offers a gentle hand to Shaelin’s shoulder.

“Sure. Here.” The dwarf says simply and fishes something out of a hidden pocket before handing over a single page of hasty handwriting. Josephine reads it quickly and finds Shaelin’s description to be accurate. She stops herself from crumpling it in her hand as she turns back to the young dwarf. “It’s not like...I mean, it’s been so long since I’ve seen them now, I thought...after the Temple of Sacred Ashes...a-and Haven...”

“It’s alright,” Josephine says gently and offers out her hand. She smiles with pleasant surprise as Shaelin takes it and squeezes once, even if the dwarf doesn’t make eye contact.

With a quick, deep breath, Shaelin quells the wavering in her voice. “It just seems like common sense to me. Your one and only daughter is assumed dead, several times over the course of a few months, so maybe you take a few days off to see her.”

“Of course. Sounds sensible to me.”

“And, I mean, even if you want to take out the whole ‘conventional families love each other’ crap, I’m also still their only heir!” Shaelin growls and moves to get up, but a warm squeeze from Josephine’s hand stops her and she takes another deep breath. “Whatever. Last I checked, continuing the Cadash line was important to them. Maybe they changed their mind. I don’t know.”

Josephine tsks softly and moves to crouch down in front of her, taking both hands now and tilting her head. “Tell me what you need right now,”

“I want to hit something,” Shaelin says in a small voice and Josephine just laughs.

“Of course, why am I not surprised?” She stands and Shaelin stands with her, walking into the hug before Josephine can wrap her in another involuntary one. “I’m afraid I’m not the one to help with that. Go see if Iron Bull isn’t too busy, though I’m sure he’ll make the time regardless. In the meantime, leave the letter with me and I’ll see if I can’t find the perfect reply.”

Shaelin nods. “Sure. Just...don’t send it until I read it.”

“Of course. Now run along and put the new shipment of training dummies to good use.”

[argentdandelion]

Handplates: Easy Ways to Stop a Mad Scientist

Warning: Mentions alcohol and tobacco use. Also has vague mentions of child abuse.

Assume a devoted reader of Handplates spontaneously becomes a monster and is now in Handplates canon. Using knowledge of Handplates, the reader-monster could easily and safely stop Gaster’s mad-scientist cruelties.

The following methods all rely on five principles:

- Remove motives. - Let him suffer just a teeny bit more, discouraging further cruelty. - Make the starting cost just a little higher, preventing cruelty (because he’ll chicken out). - Lower starting cost, preventing post-hoc rationalization. - Make it impractical but still technically possible for him to do the experiments. (He’ll have to justify to himself why he still doesn’t do it even though it’s technically possible.) - Explain how cruelty is unnecessary and, in fact, counterproductive, in an objective and scientific context.

Methods’ ease and safety are ranked by stars; more stars means less safe and easy. Some methods can be used at multiple points; they are sorted by the most effective time to use them.

1. Pre-Project 2. Pre-Hole Punching 3. Pre-Plates 4. Post-Plates

Pre-Project

Boulder Plan (★)

Remove motives by putting a really heavy boulder in front of the door to the Ruins. Humans therefore can't leave Toriel, so Asgore doesn’t have to kill them, and Gaster doesn’t feel he has to relieve Asgore’s suffering. (Note: This would be more useful before the Yellow SOUL, or before the SOUL before that.) Cons: Monsters will remove the boulder, because they know that's where the humans are coming from. (Hire a really strong monster that doesn’t know that’s where the humans come from)

Communication with Toriel (★★)

Toriel is one of the very few people to which Gaster has an emotional connection. When Toriel disappeared after Asgore’s declaration of war, Gaster assumed she died. Spider monsters can send a telegram between the Ruins and Hotland; giving Toriel Gaster’s telegram address might make her send messages to him. Alternatively, talking to Toriel through the door, writing down something only Gaster would know on a piece of paper, and then delivering that letter to Gaster would have Gaster read the letter and realize Toriel is alive. Gaster would then go to Toriel and talk about why she left Asgore. Regardless of the outcome, Gaster would likely be far too distracted/conflicted between who to serve to start his project. Cons: If telegrams are exclusively a spider-monster service, reader-monster would likely have to pay quite a price to have them carry a message. (assuming reader-monster isn’t also a spider-monster) The spiders might spy on the message, or the message must be necessarily coded so the spiders can’t understand it. The coding would, in turn, make it more difficult for Toriel and Gaster to interpret it. It’s also possible the spider monsters might attack reader-monster if the telegram service is a secret or if one is too rude.

Steal His Idea (★★)

(From this page) A later comic reveals Gaster was inspired by the idea of homunculi: artificial humans. If one takes the idea of homunculi to try to create “teraculi” (a monster equivalent) before he can start his project, Gaster wouldn’t feel so purposeful and brilliant to start the project himself. If he’s smart about it, he might get himself involved in the other “teraculi” project and offer his own body materials for it. In that case, a bunch of scientists would know about the project. They’d either quit it once it’s clear the test subjects are sentient, or continue without causing them excessive pain or discomfort. If Gaster can spread the labor of the project, it wouldn’t stress him out, and therefore he wouldn’t do foolish and painful things (e.g., breaking Papyrus' arm to illustrate a point) just because he’s tired. Cons: This would require reader-monster either be a scientist, or obtain several scientist-friend candidates and subtly encourage them to the same ideas.

Pre-Hole Punching

Science Inspection Laws (★★)

Talk to Asgore/other parts of the monster government, if they exist, on a new lab inspection law. This could be about lab safety, accountability for potentially dangerous experiments, ensuring the Underground’s taxes are being used productively for subsidized experiments, or other things. If implemented, people would check out Gaster’s true lab (potentially on an unpredictable schedule), making it more difficult to do ethically questionable/outright immoral experiments. For example, he’d have to explain why he has tables and chairs with leather straps fitted to a common monster size and body plan. If he goes long enough without doing especially painful experiments, he might rationalize it by saying it wasn’t that valuable anyway. Or, he might have to adjust the procedures so they’re less painful and uncomfortable, so the leather straps are unnecessary. Cons: King Fluffybuns is a pushover apparently fine with people visiting him unannounced. On the other hand, he respects Gaster and rarely checks up on his projects. If Gaster tries to make a royal scientist exception to the law, he might persuade Asgore. Thus, the best method is talking to other parts of the monster government, if it exists.

Steal Hole-Punching Machine Parts (★★)

From this post. One assumes Gaster got the parts by browsing the dump. Reader-monster would have to know not only exactly where the parts were on the day he assembled them, but also know locations of any other spare parts. If some of the parts are so general-use no monster could figure out what he was going to do with them, Gaster might simply purchase the parts from other scavengers/scientists, so the reader-monster would have to deal with that, too.

Fake Damage to Hole-Punching Machine Parts (★★)

Reader-monster would have to find the parts he’s going to use in the dump (as well as backup parts), if he indeed found them in the dump, and then damage them to the point of uselessness or spray them with a solution mimicking Waterfall-appropriate damage. (e.g., dirt that’s hard to remove, slight acid damage, water damage) If all the parts he finds look too damaged, he might presume it’s unlikely any scavengers or scientists have working parts. If he knows other scientists have suitable machine parts, he’d have to negotiate with other scientists he doesn’t have authority over, or redesign the plate-drilling machine to not require the parts. If he has to negotiate, he might chicken out because he doesn’t like to (or is afraid of) actually applying high-level social skills, or be discouraged about the time and effort needed to make a new plate-drilling machine design.

Complimentary Bottle of Whiskey (★)

Give him painkillers for the hole-punching. The least suspicious painkiller to give him is a bottle of whiskey, delivered as a gift from another scientist/a fan of his work. (A note implying alcohol’s pain-killing properties would make this extra persuasive.) Since he won’t go through so much pain, he won’t need to justify the pain to himself and therefore commit less.

Pre-Plates

Steal Components for Death Beams (★★)

Steal all components for death beams. He might install locked doors instead, but then Sans and Papyrus wouldn’t be hesitant to pile up behind the locked doors, take him by surprise and escape. They also wouldn’t be afraid to get close to the doors and attack the doors using magic. Cons: Components used to make death beams might be common, multi-purpose components. Thus, there might be too many to steal at once, and it might badly affect the Underground’s technology over time.

Animal Training Manual (★)

Give Gaster a progressive animal training manual; mention certain animals (e.g., parrots) are very smart for animals and able to imitate speech. Thus, he’ll liken his test subjects to animals, and treat them accordingly. (that is, nicely) There’s an entire post on this, but, in brief: he’ll train his subjects to trust him, keep that trust, and gradually build up their pain tolerance so the handplates-drilling isn’t so traumatic. (if he still goes through with that, instead of tying it around their hands or using another less-painful method) Cons: Since animals/animal training do not fall within his interests or expertise, Gaster would wonder why it’s even relevant for him. Loudly talking about a made-up story with lab mice paralleling his test subjects at a scientist party is more likely to get his attention, but it’s unlikely he’d attend a scientist party.

Get Asgore to Say Nice Things (★★)

Between Gaster realizing his clone-children are alive and choosing to go through with drilling the hand plates, talk to Asgore and suggest Gaster is like his child. (“I’d love to be like Gaster, but, alas, I didn’t have the king himself raise me as his own child...”) This might get Asgore to talk about that to Gaster, and perhaps talk about how much he loved his children. This would be extra persuasive if he talks about how promising Asriel was and how sad he was he didn’t have more time to teach him the ways of kingship and see his ruling accomplishments. In a Mercyplates scenario, Gaster heaps praise on Sans because he thinks Sans is going to be a brilliant scientist like him, so appealing to Gaster’s selfish desire for a mini-me might work here.

Talk About Skeleton Greatness (★)

Get Gaster’s book on skeleton culture (Asgore might have the only copy; he’ll probably give it to people who ask), read it, and then send fan mail talking about how great skeletons are and how sad it is Gaster is the only skeleton left. (or, get Asgore to talk about that) Then, Gaster will realize he can produce more of his kind. (If the grey-background comics are broadly canon, he does seem to think highly of the fact he’s a skeleton monster)

Non-Painful Name Tags (★★)

Create metal “name tags” for porcelain lab equipment/skeletons of taxidermied animals. Attach name tags with tiny clamps or a special superglue suited for bone/plausibly bone-like substances. If Gaster knows he can get these name tags custom-made to certain proportions with test subject designations, he would consider making hand plates himself an impractical waste of time. To be even more persuasive, say one can easily install tracking devices, to keep track of porcelain equipment containing volatile and/or extremely valuable chemicals/ensure the equipment isn’t stolen. Cons: Would require reader-monster to actually make or acquire effective metal name tags suitable for this purpose; it might take a few months to perfect the technology.

Post-Plates

Prevent Tobacco Use (★★★)

Monster-reader would need to figure out when he started smoking, and then prevent him from either acquiring a packet of cigarettes or hide it somewhere in the lab once he got it. It is possible he took up smoking shortly after drilling in the plates, since he’s not seen doing so at any time before. It’s likely he did this to try to reduce his stress. (Though nicotine dependency exacerbates stress, it’s unclear how nicotine chemically affects monsters, given their bodies are so very different) If Gaster can’t reduce the stress he feels here, he’d have less ability to do cruel things again for fear of how it will affect him. (For example, if a woman gives birth in a way that’s especially agonizing, the next time she’s likely to use local anesthesia, not bear any more kids, or use C-section.) Cons: This would require sneaking into his lab, or knowing exactly when and where he found cigarettes in the dump and then removing it. (this is especially difficult because cigarettes are common trash items) He might also simply find cigarettes on another day. Of all the things to steal from him, this is the least likely to cause trouble. Others could infer he smoked based on the smell on his clothes, without knowing anything about his projects. It's also possible the motives are nothing more than wanting to do what’s best for his health; one could spin this into wanting to see the irreplaceable brilliant Royal Scientist have a long and productive life and thus appeal to his arrogance.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [later but still the same night clearly] Jimmy: Turn your location on, I need my jacket back Janis: fuck off, no you don't Jimmy: I wouldn't be chatting to you if I didn't Janis: it can wait Jimmy: it's freezing Jimmy: don't be a dickhead Janis: so cold you need two jackets now Jimmy: unless you're offering to hug it out Janis: as much as I want you to suffer Janis: has your sister not put a key through for you Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: are you gonna tell me where you are or what? Janis: I'd rather come to you Jimmy: go on then Janis: Where are you then Jimmy: [sends his location but lbr he's just walking] Janis: alright Janis: be there in a few Jimmy: 👌 Janis: you should go to the 24 hour tescos Janis: kill some time Jimmy: subtle Jimmy: what do you need? Janis: nothing, you idiot Janis: it's a tip Janis: 24 hour gyms are better but you'll need a membership usually Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: I'll funnel my hard earned tips into that next time my dad decides to be a massive knobhead Janis: some of them ain't that pricey, one near the CG actually Jimmy: alright rich girl, I'm gonna stop you there Janis: it's like a fiver a month Janis: one pack of cigarettes less, not even Jimmy: you're not my real girlfriend, no need to have a chat about how I spend and save Janis: I'm giving you solutions Jimmy: give me my jacket Jimmy: nowt else Janis: free speech, init Janis: you dickhead Jimmy: you told me to stop talking to you a bit ago Janis: so Jimmy: so now you've got loads to say? Janis: I've always had plenty to say Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: yeah Janis: sums your contribution up Jimmy: leave it out Janis: make me Jimmy: stop flirting with me Jimmy: death's already having a go standing here Janis: you wish Janis: actually so dramatic Jimmy: 💀😍💀 Janis: cute Jimmy: 💕 Janis: do you want a place to stay Jimmy: do you have any decent ideas? Janis: go to mine, I ain't gonna be there Janis: no one will be up Jimmy: Mia might Jimmy: evil never sleeps Janis: I don't think she's actually a rapist, like Janis: you'll be safe Jimmy: you're alright Janis: alright Janis: you got a shed Janis: sleep in that Jimmy: 😂 Janis: what Jimmy: just trying to picture your posh garden summer house, rich girl Jimmy: hang on Janis: yeah Janis: you've got no clue Jimmy: weren't searching for any Janis: then stop chatting shit Jimmy: why? Jimmy: you won't Janis: I've got enough people assuming things wrong Janis: I don't need you Janis: and I ain't assumed shit about you Jimmy: 🎻💔🎻 Janis: you're such a fucking Janis: just shut up, I'm nearly there Jimmy: nah, go on Jimmy: say how you really feel Janis: why Jimmy: why not? Jimmy: plenty on the tip of your tongue so you reckon Janis: so you can sit there and chat shit back Janis: yeah, no thanks Jimmy: it ain't shit just 'cause it ain't what you want me to say back Janis: nah, it's shit by your own admittance Janis: literally just said it Jimmy: now you're listening Jimmy: 👌 Janis: I've been listening Janis: what do you want Jimmy: when? Janis: when haven't I Janis: what are you talking about, go on Jimmy: don't end it like that, I'm not getting cheated on again Janis: I ain't doing anything tonight Jimmy: not what I asked or said Janis: fine Janis: I'll just look like the dick then yeah Jimmy: put it on me Jimmy: I'm too #highkey or whatever Janis: how is that better Janis: genuinely Jimmy: how is it better for me or how is it better for you? what's your question? Janis: for you Jimmy: how is it better than going through that shit again? Really? Janis: whether I cheat on you or dump you for being too nice, you're getting the same reaction regardless Janis: you wanna be the one who cheats but then I lose Janis: we've fucked it, best is we do it amicably and then we both lose, there's no way for us to both win and why should I let you Jimmy: I don't care about winning Janis: I can't promise you any outcome where they leave you alone Janis: that's the whole reason we were doing this Jimmy: I haven't lost my memory, like Janis: well I don't know what you want from me Jimmy: I got that Janis: fucking hell Jimmy: just Janis: yeah Jimmy: leave it Jimmy: as you said, we've fucked it, we've gotta carry on Janis: we'll have to stop it eventually Jimmy: weren't planning on marrying you, Jodie Jimmy: not part of the deal Janis: don't be stupid Janis: you'll have to deal eventually, is what I'm saying Janis: we will, whatever Jimmy: we'll do a fake break up when we've planned it out, not when what you say goes 'cause you're fuming Janis: excuse you no Janis: it was you who fucking said it Jimmy: I said I don't want this Jimmy: I don't Janis: well you'll have to deal won't you Janis: decide what you want less Jimmy: you're so Janis: yeah, you hate mee Janis: whatever Jimmy: your ultimate kink that Janis: if it was I'd want you around Jimmy: who's walking to who? Janis: oh my god Janis: I don't need you freezing to death Janis: or getting lost, again Jimmy: stop pissing about then Jimmy: come here Janis: you've got some fucking nerve Jimmy: 🏆💪 Janis: and you aren't funny Jimmy: not tonight Janis: don't write cheques you can't cash Janis: unnecessary Jimmy: I carry cash, it's you who don't Janis: see where trying to pay me gets you Janis: [showing up and throwing that jacket at him] Jimmy: [put your jacket on boy and shut your mouth] Janis: ['anything else?' not looking at him] Jimmy: [when you're just looking at her and almost doing a cry cos that's the life you're living] Janis: ['are you sure-' not finishing that 'cos so many possibilities] Jimmy: [just gotta shake your head cos you're not sure about anything are you, big part of the problem here] Janis: [nods like yeah, 'look, we don't need to be mates but I ain't got any interest in hating you, alright? pointless so just, you know'] Jimmy: [take two of trying to give her a bottle, be less of a dick this time boy] Janis: [takes it 'cos as close to a peace offering as we're getting rn and does cheers motion as she takes a swig] Jimmy: [sitting on this random curb so casually I always had to do that if I was out playing] Janis: [sitting down too a little ways away] Jimmy: [having a moment with himself like don't cry, Katie Fitch style] Janis: [when you gently go for the jacket pocket and get out 🚬 and light it for him] Jimmy: [when you shouldn't look at her cos that's so nice - too nice lbr- but you do look at her cos she's right there and you can't not] Janis: [when you look back and lean in but then you gotta lean back like no 'cos you think that's not what he wants and you're trying to be a friend not friend and ugh] Jimmy: [trying not to look 💔 like this isn't your own fault, gdi Jimothy] Janis: ['it's okay' when you just want to be comforting even though it really isn't and you're like why did I say that] Jimmy: [when you laugh cos no its not but it's also not funny and that ain't helpful so well done, oh these two] Janis: [kicks him like you know what I mean, shh, this is weird we both know it 'okay, well, I'm sorry your dad's a dick, yeah?'] Jimmy: [nudges her like oi but it's too soft to really be that and we all know it 'he ain't sorry, why should you be?'] Janis: ['cos I'm dead nice, obviously' 😏 but shrugging like] Jimmy: [lols more genuinely] Janis: ['charming' but not actually mad] Jimmy: [putting an arm around her cos she's literally in a t-shirt now like don't die babe] Janis: [the nip situation would be outta control lmao fold your arms girl] Jimmy: [at least pretend that's not a thing boy, least you can do] Janis: ['It ain't a summer house, it's a barn but it is somewhere you can crash, it's converted, there's sofas and shit' 'cos not giving up] Jimmy: [gives her his oh we're still on this kinda look but also not mad cos when does anyone give this much of a fuck about him] Janis: ['Please'] Jimmy: ['Bus takes an age if it's even running early as I need to be on shift. It ain't gonna work' but she said please so obvs you're thinking about it and looking at her like] Janis: [pouting but actually so on the low 'cos you know that's fair and he probably doesn't want one of cali or the older sibs driving him so] Jimmy: ['help me get into mine if you've gotta do owt' cos lbr it wouldn't be hard there's probably a bathroom window open and a drainpipe/roof situation and such a #mood cos she's such an athlete so] Janis: 'I dunno, guardog is pretty fierce' ] Jimmy: [a real lol 'if you ain't up for the challenge, you ain't' gets up like well bye then but is 😏 and pulls her up on her feet too a literal second later anyway] Janis: [a faux-offended face like how dare you 'cos 'Course I am!' but then grins like let's go] Jimmy: [shrugs the jacket off and gives it to her like your turn babe cos they share everything it's facts 'here, you're gonna make me fall to my death if you don't cover up' because just can't ignore the nip situation like a gentleman can you lad] Janis: ['Knew the jacket was a blatant coverup but wouldn't have necessarily guessed you wanted me to break and enter for you' shakes head like honestly tut-tut but still not mad, even when she hits him like oi it ain't my fault I had to go dramatically stand in the rain 'I reckon I'll go in, find the keys then let you in the door, all offense meant to your... prowess' 😉] Jimmy: [gives her a look like well gotta keep you guessing and it's so flirty SOS but then pulls the hood up over her head playfully, messing her hair up, like oi don't be rude and so much 😏 goodbye] Janis: ['stop flirting with me' but we all know that means don't ever stop] Jimmy: ['or what?' literally eye fucking rn calm down] Janis: ['you know what'] Jimmy: [be more up in her everything at this moment jfc I can't with you sir don't do this to me] Janis: ['just, if it's gonna be-' when you can't do words] Jimmy: ['I just-' cos same but boy you gotta communicate I s2g I hate you] Janis: ['we don't have to do this tonight, now, yeah? none of it, like, there's time'] Jimmy: [when you can breathe because she really let you off the hook there so you gently drag her off towards your house like come on] Janis: [get it lads] Jimmy: [break in of the century, but we know it's gonna play out how she said cos lbr he's not pulling his weight here] Jimmy: [like he'd try and go up the drainpipe and slip and she'd be like um no boy down you get] Janis: [god bless boy, when you just in the doorway afterwards like all 👍?] Jimmy: [gotta love a sleepy Twix before she goes cray though cos heard 'em way to cockblock this bonding moment pup] Janis: [don't give 'em away traitor pup shh Jimmy: [giving her treats like behave thank you] Janis: [all whispering obvs 'cos not drunk af this time 'you should get another key cut he don't know about'] Jimmy: [when you can't hide how good of an idea you think that is cos tell your face and you were already impressed by her break in antics and we're dangerously close to 😍] Janis: [when you ain't even smug just smiling like a nerd 'cos you already know his dad ain't shit] Jimmy: [just in the kitchen from when you had to bribe Twix opening the fridge with a flourish like see anything you like cos will literally give her anything so she won't leave yet] Janis: [say by some miracle there's a slice of pizza left so she grabs that] Jimmy: [He's just making tea cos northern] Janis: [sneaking peeks honey] Jimmy: [he ain't asked her if she wants one he's just doing it, bit rude when you don't know if she likes tea never mind how] Janis: ['milk, 2 sugars' 😏] Jimmy: [does a OTT dramatic gasp like a nerd cos we gonna say they take their tea the same for the feels '#twinning, Gracie will be delighted'] Janis: [does a little lol, 'yeah, 'specially 'cos she don't drink a tea unless it promises to fix her skin and her love life for her, and tastes like shit, like'] Jimmy: [just grinning 'No dairy, like ever, OMG, I know' crossing his heart with an eye roll before carrying the tea to the lounge] Janis: [getting comfy on the sofa like bitch you were leaving lmao your resolve 'you should just give her full fat, she'd never notice, honestly'] Jimmy: [laughs evilly but quietly cos don't wake peeps up and mimes writing it down but then you know he's also getting comfy closer to her than he needs to be as per] Janis: ['puts hands up like soz 'you're off the clock, I remember'] Jimmy: [mimes looking at his watch and sighs dramatically like only for a bit but ain't that devvo cos got his bae back] Janis: ['should've put this in a to-go, like'] Jimmy: [nudges her like where do you are like I ain't even got #aesthetic mugs for insta 'pay up and you can have it prepped or served any way you want'] Janis: ['hot' 😂] Jimmy: [sips tea like he's doing a temp check and 👍] Janis: [just looks at him like nerd alert] Jimmy: [gets up, gets a pack of biscuits and throws them at her but gently cos again shh please boy] Janis: ['#whenbaespoilsyou'] Jimmy: [blows a kiss at her cos nerd] Janis: [catch it 'cos sporty] Jimmy: ['such an athlete, babe'] Janis: [stretching back like 'you know it'] Jimmy: [shamelessly looking at her body cos that top is cropped af before you even move thank you bye] Janis: [always hitting with a 'what?' but being 😏 'cos you know] Jimmy: [always giving it back like you don't know exactly what you're doing okay then] Janis: [just come casual tension but you're about it] Jimmy: [nearly spilling that tea actually cos all your attention is on the bae, the fucking eye contact forever damn] Janis: [sipping with purpose beech] Jimmy: [when your phone goes off to break the unbearable tension for a sec but it's just the fans as usual so you can look together and get even closer to her like look] Janis: ['can't break their hearts just yet, like, they ain't ready'] Jimmy: ['none of the lads must've caught your party mood from a decent enough angle or that'd be up doing it for us'] Janis: [🙄 and pushes him like shut up] Jimmy: ['its alright I've had more breakups and make ups than I've had girlfriends, must be something about me 😏'] Janis: [lols 'you reckon'] Jimmy: [throws a pillow at her like don't lol at my misfortune but is clearly also amused 'try and fake some sympathy, girl, damn'] Janis: [clutches her heart dramatically] Jimmy: [shakes his head like she's such a dickhead but smiling cos she's also a cute nerd] Janis: ['this-' gestures to the tea '-ain't strong enough to swap war stories, boy'] Jimmy: ['subtle move, pisshead' gestures toward the kitchen 'go on and raid Ian's supply but his broken heart'll be on your head, like'] Janis: [gets up and shrugs 'least I didn't break his windows'] Jimmy: [shrugs back like fair point] Janis: [picks a bottle that's fairly full but not completely 'cos least obvious and she's not actually that arsed but takes a swig walking back in] Jimmy: [control your heart eyes and swooning boy we all know its a #mood] Janis: [offers the bottle to him but doesn't sit, 'it'll help you sleep, early start and everything'] Jimmy: [takes it and takes a bigger swig than her because everything's a challenge and passes it back] Janis: [raises her brows at him but obviously can never back down from a challenge] Jimmy: ['coming in?' meaning work tomorrow obvs] Janis: [when you act like you're thinking about it for much longer than you actually are 'probably, be a bit of a bad review if I'm not dying to see you the morning after, like'] Jimmy: ['could be incapable of walking, your nan got a zimmer you can borrow for a bit?'] Janis: [when you have to snort 'cos you have to hold in a louder laugh more] Jimmy: ['take that as a nah, fit is she? Gotta get it from somewhere, eh?'] Janis: ['She's only 62, so yeah, could probably take you on' 😏] Jimmy: ['bring her in for a cuppa, I'll earn a decent tip, no bother' 😉] Janis: ['ugh, you and your type'] Jimmy: ['paying customers, yeah, really turn me on when they hand me them couple of extra euros they do'] Janis: ['you're in the wrong job then' and shakes her head 'cos thinking 'bout Rio, shade] Jimmy: ['in it for the art form though, obvs' thinking about that hipster latte foam] Janis: [''course, Pete's artistry is limited to bass only, like' Jimmy: ['I can't live if I can't express myself creatively, the need lends itself to being more than a one trick pony, so burdened me' gets Pete's page up and is having a scroll and showing her things cos he weren't at the party obvs] Janis: [😏 'You are SO in love with him'] Jimmy: ['pick your own jaw off the floor and it might hit harder, mate'] Janis: ['please, I play it SO cool'] Jimmy: ['where and when?'] Janis: ['I'm pretty sure he don't know I exist so check and mate, mate'] Jimmy: ['Don't take your hand off that piece yet, Jill, 'cause here's me calling bollocks. He's mentioned you to me'] Janis: ['OMG, what did he say?!' in a scary good Grace impression, but quieter please; 'also you better not have told him my name's Jill, even worse than my actual'] Jimmy: [in a accurate Pete impression 'that girl's so... dude, your girl's really...' back to Jim voice 'wouldn't you LOVE to know, Juliet' shows her his phone where that's her name cos fave of the nicknames duh] Janis: [when you're loling at the impression but lowkey 😍 at the nickname 'cos it's shamelessly cute] Jimmy: ['I wanna be the face of that band but I ain't got the voice. You?'] Janis: [shakes head and pulls face like god no 'my mother's already tried to make us a racially ambiguous version of the Nolans, but she obviously ain't pushy enough, where's Joe Jackson when you need him, eh?'] Jimmy: [lols like that's us fucked then 'starving artist and muse it is then, baby' snaps a pic of her to make the point] Janis: [when you try and get the phone outta his hands 'cos never enough playfighting] Jimmy: [when of course you end up on top of her on the sofa like well now this is a moment RIP] Janis: [when you just go for it 'cos you can't not but then you pull back like fuck] Jimmy: [when you then have to go for it cos you didn't wanna stop and that's all you're thinking about] Janis: [back at it again on this sofa] Jimmy: [so into it, god only knows how we're stopping them rn] Janis: [Twix run bitch run] Jimmy: [barking cos are they playing or are they fighting OH PUP DO NOT WAKE THIS FAM] Janis: [well that's that ruined thanks babe, getting up so fast like 'I'll go'] Jimmy: [when you want her to stay but Bobby appears like oh hey did anyone order an even bigger cockblock so you have to be in big brother mode cos he's always lowkey scared/upset by life in general] Janis: [when you stay long enough to not freak him like who was that but then you peace so he can deal in private] Jimmy: [I hope she's got the jacket again so she don't freeze to death] Janis: 👍 Jimmy: 👌 Janis: is he back to bed and her in the doghouse, like Jimmy: 🐶🔪🔪 say goodbye to your little mate 💔 Janis: harsh Janis: poor bobby Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: [sends a pic of Twix like a ransom photo but the newspaper be in her mouth cos nerds] Janis: 😱 Janis: I'll give you whatever you want Jimmy: anything I want? Janis: That's what I said Jimmy: [sends her a pic of Bobby and Twix both asleep on him like okay she's safe] Janis: 💕 Jimmy: [saying that he misses her and flirting on the socials so that I can] Janis: Smart thinking Janis: keep up appearances, make it look like it ain't a hostage situation Jimmy: not thick, northern Janis: like I said, impressed Jimmy: don't you wanna save your flirting for the feeds? Janis: This isn't flirting Jimmy: Nah? Janis: Nah Janis: I can do much much better than fake me Janis: obviously Jimmy: more #goals than this?! gotta call bollocks Jimmy: 🏆🏆🏆🏆 Janis: sure, as far as everyone knows, we're the it couple of the moment Jimmy: 💘 Janis: as long as all dogs and children are safe Janis: let you get a few hours, like Jimmy: you can't Jimmy: you said anything I want Janis: Well have you decided Jimmy: I'm thinking Jimmy: stick around Janis: alright Janis: I'm still walking anyway Jimmy: where to? Janis: my nan and granddads Janis: cba to go home Jimmy: you could always walk back Jimmy: know your way in Janis: look like you've got your hands full Jimmy: 💪🏆 me Jimmy: can't be giving it out like you don't wanna climb through my bedroom window, girl Jimmy: balcony or nah Janis: better change names with me, boy Janis: rose by any other name and all that Jimmy: suits you better, can't help that Janis: hmm Janis: gotta think of a name for you Janis: you don't own nicknames, like Jimmy: what are you on about? it's the name your parents gave you weren't it? Janis: 😏 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: charming you are 💕 Janis: not our story Janis: cinderella would be hard to pull off, even now you've left the north Jimmy: if it could happen anywhere, it'd be the CG Jimmy: picking the ugliest out of your sister's squad though, not easy Jimmy: Mia's 🥇 duh but then who? Jimmy: might be the tall one, might be her 💀 clone Janis: 🤔 Janis: my votes for BFG Janis: 💀💀 twin too hard, the disparity is great for comedic effect Jimmy: where's your #tallgirlsolidarity babe? OMG Janis: fine, go be friends with a leprechaun Jimmy: such a friend kink you Jimmy: trying to get me invited to a sleepover or what? Janis: not at my house, thanks Janis: if you have an orgy with them we're no longer besties Jimmy: I told you before, if I wanted that it would've already happened Janis: Gross Janis: they have to have some boundaries Janis: obvs all go to the bathroom together to have a vom sesh but you know Jimmy: it's like a cult Jimmy: if they don't all fuck and they're only doing the death pact bit 💔 Janis: there's no way the 💀 ones can exert the energy and the rest wouldn't wanna get their kit off 'cos they'd get fat-shamed so Janis: unlucky Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: their nails an' all that's a 🌈🚫 Jimmy: be like 🔪🔪 Janis: 🤢 Janis: too far Jimmy: soz my dear Janis: 😒 Jimmy: come on, be my mate again Jimmy: pretty please with 🍒s on Janis: you mean it Jimmy: 🤞 Janis: you doing that behind your back like you're lying Janis: I'm suspicious Jimmy: come find out Jimmy: can't give up all my secrets to you Janis: I shouldn't Janis: might wake your dad up next time Jimmy: nowt wakes him Jimmy: garage walls are thicker than his head Janis: should do you a favour and not accept that challenge, shouldn't I Jimmy: I get it, was just a fluke and you can't break in again, yeah? Janis: please Janis: not my first rodeo Janis: and you made it so easy Jimmy: sounds fake, babe Janis: 😡 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: yeah, you just want me to come back so you can be so impressed again Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: meant to be giving me what I want Janis: only the once Janis: not good for life, use it wisely Jimmy: 👍 Janis: sooooooo Janis: am I coming or what Jimmy: do you wanna come or do you just want me to use that to make you so it's gone? Janis: 😑 Janis: hadn't thought it through that much, tbh Janis: it's your wish, I ain't interfering Jimmy: if I want you to come and keep that in my back pocket for later is that 1 favour or 2? Janis: Hmm Janis: alright Janis: I'll come and I still owe you Jimmy: should I unlock the door or let you show off? Janis: Probably just let me in Janis: I don't need it and I've got visions of the kid seeing me and 😱💀👻 now so Jimmy: and I don't need to be spending my tips getting him therapy Jimmy: good shout Jimmy: so considerate you Janis: you know Janis: and you're welcome Jimmy: might not be the shittiest mate to have Janis: 👂 Janis: sorry, can you repeat that Jimmy: I could Jimmy: but will I Janis: awh come on 😏 Jimmy: alright, shut up Jimmy: I don't hate the idea, do I Janis: you're not a total idiot so Janis: 'course you don;t Jimmy: Stop complimenting me Jimmy: I'm gonna reckon your phone got snatched off you in a bit Jimmy: 🔪💀👻 Janis: Was just a means to compliment myself more, don't worry Jimmy: alright, fuck that, this is deffo you Janis: mhmm Janis: [does extra ass socials like people need to know she's going back] Janis: who else but your fake gf Jimmy: 💕😍💘 Jimmy: [replies that are as extra but we know there's realness underneath] Jimmy: [OMG the fire sexts can be born this day! cos remember when] Janis: [yasss] Janis: did you really just Jimmy: what? Janis: 😳 Jimmy: you reckon you're the only one with impressive skills? Janis: obviously not Janis: do you want everyone on your dick more though 'cos Jimmy: they ain't gonna leave me alone Jimmy: that dream's 💀💀💀 Janis: 💔 Janis: not to victim blame you but Janis: only got yourself to blame Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Jimmy: and you Jimmy: can't help it if you're the best fake girlfriend I've ever had, can I? Janis: Yeah I'm so inspiring Janis: a muse, you could say Jimmy: a 🥇 muse baby Jimmy: get it right Jimmy: and send that tweet Janis: [does] Janis: 💕 Jimmy: 😘 Janis: Come out and 🚬? Jimmy: [does but let's say he hasn't put his hoodie back on yet cos was being snuggled a bit ago so we can fully appreciate the white tee moment] Janis: [you appreciate that girl, sat on his front step like hey] Jimmy: [Getting on there as well cos always gotta sit so close 5ever] Janis: [for warmth this time sure, when it's not been that long so you don't know if you're meant to pretend the makeout didn't happen but you can't anyway so] Jimmy: [and so you can share a smoke cos god forbid you just don't have your own you coupley bastards] Janis: [sharing is caring boo] Jimmy: [it means he smokes less so i'm about it as I am about their comfortable silences] Janis: [honestly, not even hello] Jimmy: [living for it, picture him on his phone cos peeps are losing it over their posts, but with her so not being an antisocial dick] Janis: [just loling and taking the piss how they do 'so, how often are you sexting to be that good?'] Jimmy: [shrugs cos we both know he ain't done it for ages but ain't gonna say that 'like a 6 that were'] Janis: [nods, 'don't wanna give 'em everything right away, like'] Jimmy: ['they can't handle what we've already shown 'em, if I was going for it with a full 10 I'd kill your nan and we both know she's healthier than your horse'] Janis: [pushes him 'stop slagging my nan and imaginary horse, so rude'] Jimmy: ['I'm complimenting your nan and ain't about to stop, well in, me. You're only here 'cause she was asleep, like'] Janis: [PAHs, 'you ain't met her, boy; trust, you won't be getting no tips'] Jimmy: [gives her a look like challenge accepted 😏 but we're all amused af] Janis: [truly 'cos we all know what happened that time Tess showed lmao] Jimmy: [when you lowkey snuggling the bae tho cos its cold but also you want to] Janis: [rubbing his arms like he did] Jimmy: [just giving her heart eyes casually] Janis: ['wanna go in?' 'cos you're so concerned u caring hoe] Jimmy: [when you're #conflicted because you're alone out here and there's nobody cockblocking you but it's not comfortable so of course you ask her if she wants to cos always a question answered with a question] Janis: [just looking at his lips in response shameless] Jimmy: [when you're kissing her before you've even closed the door behind you cos also shameless] Janis: [get it kids] Jimmy: [use that front door to your advantage when you finally shut it but shh] Janis: [seriously shh even though you obvs don't wanna] Jimmy: [when you think you hear something so you stop for long enough to move, get back in that living room kids] Janis: [ah trusty sofa hello] Jimmy: [the mems on this sofa already, speaking of get on his lap girl cos that's a thing always and has to start somewhere] Janis: [a moment] Jimmy: [at least if you wanna be kissing constantly it'll keep you quiet cos we know he ain't usually living that life, we see you, mr no chill] Janis: ['You're a good kisser' 'cos you ain't told him that before now obvs] Jimmy: [when you can't help smiling genuinely cos nobody's told you that before and you weren't expecting it and so cute so even though you should say it back cos true you're just like 🙊] Janis: [kiss that smile] Jimmy: [get your hands in her hair boy cos you love being soft] Janis: [when you're just enjoying how all this feels] Jimmy: [you can tell she's into it so just touching and soft kisses everywhere cos there's so much bare skin to play with thanks to this outfit you can just take your time] Janis: [when you're trying so hard to keep quiet 'cos it's obvs not been like this before in any sense] Jimmy: [gotta give the nips some attention cos they've been the centre of attention all night lbr so soz girl for making quietness even harder for you but not that soz] Janis: [when all the squirming she's doing gonna feel real good for you boy] Jimmy: [everybody winning rn] Janis: ['fuck!' 'cos yeah] Jimmy: [and now everything's a little less soft because all the encouragement you need to go harder at what you're doing] Janis: [when you're just moving your hands down from around his neck 'til they're making their way under his waistband] Jimmy: [his turn to say fuck quietly but with feeling] Janis: [😏] Jimmy: [kiss that smug face boy so you shhh] Janis: [putting your finger to his lips like shh but you loling 'cos he's so cute] Jimmy: [deciding to make this touching mutual so the struggle to be quiet is too, little do you know yet lad she's a pro at keeping things hush unlike you] Janis: [can't quiet your face though even if you are trying to hide it like] Jimmy: [his turn to be like 😏] Janis: [going harder like shut up] Jimmy: [going harder cos she is and everything's a competition forever] Janis: [tryna move away 'cos that bitch] Jimmy: [use your strength soft boy I believe in you] Janis: ['boy'] Jimmy: ['what?' cos I simply must] Janis: [making eye contact and giving the LOOK to end all as you move back but closer] Jimmy: [keeping that eye contact going as you try not to be killed by the look and her everything atm] Janis: ['I've wanted to do this properly for so long' point out the obvious and not really that long but I'll allow it highkey ass] Jimmy: ['how long?' cos validate this high key needy boy] Janis: ['Since we started fake doing this, I told you, you're a good kisser'] Jimmy: ['I can top that, girl, I picked you 'cause I wanted to find out if you were' cos where's the lie] Janis: [pouts like she's fuming she's lost 'could probably call that false pretenses, you know' 😏] Jimmy: [the pouty lip bite 5eva bye cos gotta shut her up obvs haha] Janis: [#intoit Jimmy: [likewise] Janis: [when your phones are still blatantly going off and you're ignoring that shit] Jimmy: [priorities kids sod looking at your phone when you can be looking at the bae] Janis: [real better than the faaaaake] Jimmy: [you know it] Janis: [is she staying or going after like] Jimmy: [I vote she should stay then she can come to work with him when he opens up cos what a #mood the CG alone together for a bit] Janis: [wid it, no running hoe] Jimmy: [he ain't letting her leg it]