#because the fic is NOWHERE near this part but it's technically written

[blushweddinggowns]

Part 2

Robin Buckley was unfortunately well-aware of Steve Harrington, long before they started working together. He had been the worst kind of popular in high school, the completely effortless kind. And Robin was not looking forward to working with him. 

Sure, he had been better than the other jock dickheads Robin was forced to share space with, but that probably had more to do with his weird Eddie Munson friendship than anything else. Being friends with the town freak kind of forced you to be more accepting. Or in Steve’s case, force you to punch anyone who insulted him in the face. 

And while that was all nice and chivlirous or whatever it didn’t stop the fact that Steve Harringinton was a complete ass who slept with dozens of girls and threw them away immmeidtly after. There was no way that a guy like that wasn’t a dick. 

And after their first shift working together, Robin was convinced that she had been absolutely right. He was a total slouch at work, spending most of his time failing at flirting with girls or yapping to his friends on the phone in the back. He was a complete diva about his hair, and their manager had given him three reprimands in the span of four hours for not wearing the dumb hat. And he was always trying to get out of work early. 

After their first week together Robin was ready to strangle him. The only thing she’d give him is that he accepted being assigned indefinite bathroom cleaning duty with grace, otherwise she probably would have killed him and hid the body in the freezer by now.

Though he was really trying to expedite the process over here.

It was another annoying, Harrington filled day, only for him to once again try and leave early. 

But before he could get to the door, Robin was dragging him back behind the counter, hissing, “Where the hell do you think you’re going? We have inventory tonight.”

She had expected him to whine in response or maybe say something dickish that she could kick him in the shin for, but he just looked horrified.

“Tonight? B-But it won’t take that long right? Like just a few minutes?”

“Try a few hours. They’re making us count the spoons man. You’re not going anywhere anytime soon.”

His eyes got wider with each word, and for a split second Robin was actually worried that he was about to have a panic attack. That was until he opened his mouth again, “I-okay. Look dude, I really can’t do this tonight. I have a thing that I need to go to. But I can make it up to you! Or I can come in tomorrow morning-”

“The manager is going to look at it tomorrow morning,” Robin interrupted, arms crossed and brow twitching, “What is so damn important that it can’t wait till tomorrowow?”

“Does that matter?” Steve asked, oddly defensive for someone who was literally begging, “I just need to leave. But I can make it up to you! I’ll even pay you. You can have all the tips for the week and if that’s not enough then I’ll do the trash for three-no four days. I’ll do anything. Please?”

He actually looked like he was on the edge of tears and Robin had to begrudgingly admit that the puppy eyes were working on her. Christ, she was too good of a person. 

She sighed, “Trash duty for two weeks, and for the week I get the tips I expect you to be extra charming. We clear?”

“Yes! Totally fair!” Steve was already speed walking backwards to the door, and those misty eyes had suddenly completely disappeared. Robin was started to think that she just got played and big time, “Best co-worker ever! Really couldn’t ask for better-”

“Just fucking go.” Robin said as she shooed him off, near snorting when Steve actually started running out of the mall. 

She looked back behind the counter, groaning when she realized that his trash promise apparently started tomorrow. Fucking dick. She’d take out the trash, do inventroy alone, and then curse the Harrington name. 

She started to lug the disgusting trash bags full of soupy ice cream through the backdoor, shivering a little in the cold. The dumpster was right next to the almost empty parking lot, everyone gone except one long running van.

Robin stopped, realziing that two people were making out infront of it, and one of them just so happened to still be wearing his cutsy uniform while he shoved his tongue down the stranger’s throat. Robin stared at them, barely concealed by the dumpster as her blood boiled. 

Steve ditched her to make-out with some chick in the parking lot? Oh hell no. He was not getting away with this. She was just about to come out of her hiding spot to start tearing into him when she heard Steve giggle. Honest to god giggle. 

He was standing in front of the girl, obscuring her face while he played with a lock of her hair, “Aw, don’t pout. I didn’t make the schedule. Besides, I already said I’d make it up to you in any way you want.”

Robin rolled her eyes, wondering if she should include warning the poor girl that whatever two week anniversary they were celebrating would definitely be their last when she called him out. 

“I just didn’t expect to spend most of our four year anniversary eating cake in bed alone,” The stranger answered, their voice instantly recongnizble, “I was supposed to be eating you.”

That wasn’t a chick, that was Eddie.

Robin gasped, a hand going over her mouth. She had heard that voice many times, usually yelling about comforimity while standing on a lunch table. But that didn’t make sense! It couldn’t be-

But then Eddie was spinning them around, crowding Steve against the hood of his car, his signature DIO vest on full display while he ploundered Steve’s mouth, Steve laughing into it all the while. 

Robin felt like her brain was short-circuiting as she watched them. She was actually witnessing Steve Harrington happily shoving his tongue down Eddie Munson’s throat.

Steve pulled away first, holding Eddie back with a hand to his chest, still giggling, “God, that was so lame. Even for you.”

“You love it.”

“I do,” Steve easily agreed, “And I’ll love it even more when we’re home and in bed. Then we can really start celebrating.”

That was more than enough for Eddie. He dragged Steve off of the hood before opening the passenger side door for him, stealing one more kiss before running over to the driver’s side. 

Robin watched as they settled into the van, hands immediately clasped back together over the centerconsole. But it didn’t stop there. No, Steve was licking his lips and looking down muttering something to Eddie that she couldn’t hear. But she could guess, especially when his head suddenly dissapeared right before they drove off. 

Robin stayed hidden behind the dumpster, still trying to comprehend what she’d just seen. She just watched King Steve make out with the resident freak, and maybe start the beginnings of road head, all while giggling and laughing about their fucking anniversy.

What. The. Fuck.

From an unpublished chapter of this fic

[mercuriians]

say what you want

synopsis ☆ you're forced to confront your feelings for aomine when your plans go wrong at a party.

content info — angst to fluff, some hurt/comfort, fem! reader, mutual pining (reader & aomine are both idiots), little bit suggestive at the end. also, as a WARNING, this work contains references to underage drinking so if that makes you uncomfortable then please don't read this.

word count — 3.1k words.

author's note — first full knb fic i've written!! yeahhh i got carried away so oops. wasn't really sure how to end it but i hope it's alright either way. while i was writing this fic i was listening to take a chance with me and lowkey by NIKI, so if you want to feel the vibes of the story then u should listen to those songs, they're amazing i promise. hope u guys enjoy this!!

"you know, ahomine, this entire thing was your fault."

you aim for your words to be sharp, accusatory, and scathing, filled with the type of poison that conveys just how irritated you felt at the moment; they’re intended to withdraw some kind—any kind, actually, since it’s aomine you’re talking to—of guilt or acknowledgement from the boy, or at the very least a sign that yes, he was the one who deserved the blame, and every ounce of it too.

however your objective falls short, and there’s a thought that irritatingly lingers at the back of your unusually sluggish mind: that, really, you weren’t exactly free from fault either. but it isn’t like you want to admit that because even the boy next to you knows the extent of your obstinacy and pride.

it’s a shame, and it’s quite ironic too, that your words are ultimately what betray your integrity. the way they come out breathless, slightly slurred, and definitely nowhere near scathing says more than enough.

earlier, you might have drunk a bit more than you were supposed to.

but to be fair, it was kise's seventeenth birthday. knowing how passionate he became whenever the subject was about parties or having fun or legitimately just having the spotlight on himself, the celebration turned out to be rather wild, to say the least. though when you had all five—technically six—members of the miracle generation gathered in the same area, as well as some of their respective teammates, the pandemonium was likely the only thing you could even anticipate. besides the heavy stench of testosterone of course.

see, your original plan was to spend the night quietly spectating the crowd. you never really liked parties, and you never really liked all the chaos that it brought. what you did like, though, was watching that same chaos unfold before your eyes. you even prepared your childhood friend to be by your side when it all went down, with his fluffy baby blue hair and his innocent, perceptive gaze never straying too far from where number two sat contentedly, playing with a rubber ball.

"how long do you think it'll take before kagami and aomine get into a brawl?" you had mused, hiding your amused grin behind your hand as you watched the two basketball players get into an argument over what the next song would be.

all the while, you hoped that kuroko didn’t see the way your eyes dipped towards the area of skin that aomine’s shirt haphazardly left exposed.

luckily he didn’t seem to notice. either that or—this was more likely—he was kind enough not to comment.

"ten minutes." kuroko had stated bluntly, answering your question. as it turns out, he wasn't far off from the mark.

so, for the first half of the party, your plan worked. you sat by the corner, languidly drinking from your cup of apple juice while you chatted with kuroko about anything that came into your mind. everything was fine, things were going well on your part, and at some point, you even sang along to the cheesy pop music that the speakers blasted.

most of all, you managed to avoid aomine.

but to put it frankly, shit hit the fan the moment the clock hit eleven. a bit surprisingly, the instigator wasn’t aomine, or takao, or even the golden birthday boy himself. no, it was sweet, exuberant momoi.

looking back on it, maybe your surprise was unreasonable. this was the same girl who could make eerily accurate predictions simply based off the statistics she collected from the court, and with you being a basketball player yourself, you knew just how scheming momoi could be when she really wanted to. that, and the fact that she happened to be another one of your childhood friends.

yeah, you probably should have realized that she was plotting something.

yet the realization never dawned on you. not when she offered you three consecutive cups of sake and claimed that “it’s to help you loosen up!”, not when she managed to pull you away from kuroko, not when she proposed the stupidly cliche spin the bottle game, and definitely not when she forced aomine to sit directly across from where you were.

after watching a few hilarious and awkward rounds, it was only inevitable for you to be the one spinning the bottle, and it was only inevitable for the damned thing to land on the one boy you were hoping to skip. and no, not because you hated him, but precisely because you simply couldn’t. it was impossible to not like aomine, even with his laziness, arrogance, perversion, and occasional playboyish tendencies. the truth was that behind every flaw of his, there were just as many positives, whether it was his obstinate loyalty or his unwavering honesty or his genuine respect for those who earned it.

so no one could blame you for the way your breath caught in your throat when aomine held your gaze and when he eventually began to make his way over. “this okay with you?” he asked nonchalantly as if this was a light, casual matter, and as if he didn’t care at all. yet, there was a slight, barely noticeable tightness in his navy gaze. had you not known him for years now, you likely wouldn’t have picked up on that small detail.

but as small as it was, really, it was anything but. and with your heart beating just a bit faster, you knew exactly why.

you nodded your head wordlessly, your lips parting, your eyes meeting his, and your message being spoken and understood through that eye contact alone. aomine leaned in, and you closed your eyes.

his lips were chapped, and his hand felt rough and calloused against your skin, but you felt a trail of fire prickling through your body anyway. quicker than you would have liked to admit, you found yourself falling deeper. you hoped, for a brief, flickering moment, that aomine felt the same. maybe, within his mind, there were thoughts of you.

swirls of past memories, like when you two would play basketball together, sweat dripping down your faces, soaking the fabric of your clothes as you focused on not letting him score; fragments of the future, like what it would be like to attend college together; and wishes for the present moment, like maybe how he wanted you to be his, just as you've wanted him to be yours since the last year of junior high.

you pulled aomine in closer, fingers digging into his collar. the logical part of your mind shrieked, voice raising in volume the longer you pressed your body against his, but you shut the thoughts out.

very, very vaguely, it occurred to you that the alcohol made your heart beat faster, made your spirit burn recklessly in a way that you hadn't known before.

for better or for worse, aomine noticed too.

and the moment you regained all sense of control, you realized that you no longer felt the weight of his body, or the warmth of his lips. bright lights flooded your vision as you opened your eyes. aomine stood a foot or two away, his shirt a bit crumpled from where you had gripped the fabric.

there was a certain kind of look on his face, but the problem was that you were unable to decipher it. this was the first time you couldn't read him.

fear settled into your bones.

had you just ruined everything between the two of you? not just the chances of ever dating him, but your friendship as well? should you have kissed him in the first place? what kind of person did he think you were now?

what had you done wrong, and why did you ever even accept those drinks from satsuki?

suddenly the room was full of too many people, and there were too many sounds and the lights were starting to blind you and damn it you couldn't even hear yourself think. in the heat of panic, you found yourself running, murmuring mindless apologies to whoever you almost crashed into.

you didn't stop until you reached kise's balcony. it was small, barely enough for three people to fit in, but the fact that you were able to taste the crisp june night air was enough.

unfortunately, it turned out that you only had a few minutes to spend alone with your thoughts. before long, the sound of the glass door sliding open disrupted the silence. you closed your eyes, praying to whatever was above that it wasn't the one person you wanted to avoid.

"wow, you really don't want to talk to me, huh?" a gruff, low voice dryly remarked. well, shit.

your eyes flew open. "i—uh, aomine," you cleared your throat hastily, "what did i.. did i say that out loud?"

"sure did," he confirmed. you heard him walking towards you before you saw him slide into the narrow space on your left. cautiously, you snuck a glance; his expression seemed to be unbothered, but knowing what happened ten minutes ago, you wouldn't risk a bet on it.

his eyes met yours. "you've been acting off," he remarked.

you refrained from rolling your eyes, like it wasn't already clear enough. "yeah, well, the sake that satsuki gave me was.. um, expired." you lied, and quite messily too. "made my stomach feel weird."

"she made me check the expiration date before her mom bought it," aomine deadpanned, and for the umpteenth time that night you wished that the floor was kind enough to swallow you whole. "and your stomach seems fine to me."

"well you wouldn't know that," you shot back, somewhat angrily. "and why did—how did satsuki even get her mom to buy alcohol in the first place?"

"her mom was the one who suggested it," aomine shrugged. despite the twinge of surprise that you felt—you weren't exactly sure if an adult was allowed to buy alcohol for seventeen-year-olds—it was quickly washed away and forgotten, overshadowed by the look that the boy suddenly gave you.

"so, are we gonna keep dodging the topic or what?"

your shoulders sagged, your arms crossing over your chest instinctively. "what is there to talk about?" you muttered.

"look, between the two of us, you're definitely the smarter one," aomine stated bluntly. "so quit actin' like you don't know what happened back there, (name)."

a heavy sigh escaped from your lips, frustration welling up within your chest all over again. you found it quite difficult to even breathe at the moment. "i don't want to do this right now," you stated. "so please just leave and we can pretend like—"

"that's the problem right there," aomine interrupts, an unprecedented twinge of emotion filling his voice. it was anger and frustration akin to yours, yes, but there was something else—something that you could reluctantly guess stemmed from a place that he'd kept hidden until now. "you keep avoiding me like i'm the damn plague or something. i didn't even do anything wrong, and if you feel like i did, then i can't do anything about it because you're not telling me shit."

and that right there brings you to the present moment, the buildup to the storm that's about to wreak havoc and tear up the land.

"you know, ahomine, this entire thing was your fault." you hiss, every ounce of your feelings pouring out without abandon. it's messy, it's unorganized, and it's raw; maybe none of it even makes sense, or maybe all of it does. you don't bother trying to wrap your head around it because there's no use in doing so.

for once, you don't think, and you let your words spill out like water from a broken faucet.

"it's your fault because you made me feel this way about you, even though you're one of the laziest, rudest, and most obnoxious people i know, not to mention that you read those perverted magazines. but you're also one of the most loyal and genuine, and i know that you would never lie. not on the court, and not outside of it, either. and that just—a-all of it frustrates and confuses me because we're polar opposites. you say whatever's on your mind, and you don't care about what people think about it. i can't do that."

you take a moment to breathe, to slow down, and to collect your scrambled train of thought. "i think that's why i don't tell you things like this. i'm probably drunk right now, but i think you want someone who's as unafraid as you are, someone who takes charge of the situation instead of being in the background. the only time i can be bold is when i play basketball. because then it's just—"

"just you, the ball, and the person in front of you," aomine finishes. surprisingly, his tone is soft, even understanding, and you look up to meet his gaze. "i know how that feels."

"it's like nothing else matters when you're on the court," you whispers, and the boy next to you nods. "all of it is simple. it's nothing like having to deal with your emotions, and having to understand them."

"you're right about that," aomine agrees. there are a few, shocking beats of silence that ensue, both of you seeming to ponder on your individual thoughts. "but, you know, the way you kissed me back there said a lot."

your face flushes pink. "yeah, i know," you mumble, turning your head away as you rest your arms against the railing. there's an uncomfortable feeling that sinks into you, just being aware that aomine knows how you've felt about him for years. you don't remember ever feeling as exposed as you do now.

"you're a good kisser," he comments somewhat offhandedly. "makes me wonder how it'll feel like to do that again in the future."

you pause.

your mouth drops open. "huh?" you stammer embarrassingly. "you can't joke about this, aomine—"

"look at me," he interrupts, softly but firmly. with hesitation swirling within your mind, you raise your head to meet his sapphire eyes. there's no trace of humor, or scorn, or sarcasm anywhere on his face, however. in fact, the seriousness exuding from his expression feels undeniably out of character.

and yet he's never looked as breathtaking as he does now.

"i hate saying this, but i think satsuki really did succeed this time." seeing the confusion on your face, aomine explains, "i tried pretending like i didn't have feelings for you either, because like you said, it feels weird. i guess ignoring them was more convenient for me, too. but, satsuki being satsuki, i guess she got bored of us being idiots and pulled this entire thing together."

"she's an orchestrator," you mutter, astonished. "wait, so, this means that you like me too—i'm not hallucinating?"

"nope, your ears are working perfectly fine." he states. "i've liked you ever since you broke my ankles and put me on my ass back at teiko."

overcome with surprise and glee—none of this feels real, still—you can't help but snort. "weren't you pissed when i did that? i mean i remember kise drooling over me, and akashi-kun giving me a compliment, but you were definitely upset." fond memories flash within your mind as you remember the sheer embarrassment and anger on a thirteen-year-old aomine's face.

"and i was, believe me," the boy chuckles. "but that was the first time a girl played against me and won. usually, they would just crowd around me and ramble about how hot i was. it was an unexpected change, but it was nice. kind of turned me on, too."

the last part almost causes you to choke on your saliva.

"such a pervert," you accuse him, a tint of pink staining your cheeks. "i don't even wanna know the thoughts that filled your head."

"i was thinking about how great of a girlfriend you'd be," aomine grins, stepping towards you. he reaches out, his hand moving to fix the strands of hair that covered your face. "and how pretty you'd look wearing my jersey."

"we can talk about that later," you swallow, looking up at him through your lashes, the party long forgotten. "right now, all you have to think about is kissing me again."

"that's easy," he retorts, his strong arms circling around your waist protectively. aomine leans down, his eyes slowly sliding shut, and his distinctive scent—cedarwood, smoke, and a hint of sweat—washes over you as his lips slot against yours.

unlike before, the kiss isn't frenzied or desperate; still, it maintains an air of passion, which both of you can clearly feel. his hands are curious, wandering and tracing areas all over your clothed body, almost as if he's trying to imprint them into his memory. they finally rest comfortably on the small of your back, with your own hands perched on his broad shoulders.

sneakily, he bites your lip, prompting a small, sharp whimper. your mouth opens invitingly, and his tongue sneaks in, swirling around your own.

when you pull away a little while later, you find yourself panting. your chest heaves with every breath, and your knees start to feel weak. "and you say i'm the good kisser," you say breathlessly, reaching up to give him one more peck.

"well i wasn't lying, was i?" he raises his brows slightly, making you giggle. "i had to stop myself from going even further."

"nobody said you had to stop," you whisper under your breath, catching him by surprise.

"trust me, i didn't want to," aomine leans down again, his lips ghosting over the shell of your ear. "but we're both a little drunk right now."

his words bring you a renewed sense of clarity, or at least something resembling it. he's telling the truth, really; doing anything reckless under the influence of alcohol is quite far from being a good decision. "and i thought you were supposed to be a delinquent," you tease him harmlessly.

"even delinquents use their brain sometimes, (name)," he rolls his eyes. "besides, i'm starving right now. i wanna eat some of the onigiri that kagami made, even though he gets under my skin."

"he's a really good cook," you sigh in admiration, examining aomine's expression closely, "and he's handsome, too.."

he scowls. "watch it," the boy warns, "don't say anything you're going to regret later."

"sorry, daiki," you apologize with a grin. "it's just fun to tease you."

"whatever," aomine mutters. "tomorrow, i'll get my payback."

[merionettes]

rubicon ask!!

first off I'm so so delighted that I picked up FE3H last summer and that it led me to finding your writing & especially this fic. what an amazing experience, what a treat with every update, I have all these fun memories now of places I was when I got the update email (and screamed internally every time). a little collection of sense memories colored in.

as for the actual question: very curious about your process. did you have an outline going in? I have to imagine yes (or else you're braver than black friday shoppers). how did you go about structuring this, ie did you have a series of Moments in your head that you wrote around and connected, or did you try to build scenes to fit the arcs you had in mind, or a mix of the two? anything and everything you want to share, I'm 🤲

you're killing me!!! man, thanks so much, seriously. 

as for the actual question, indeed. hahaha. ha. i delayed answering this for so long because it kept devolving into an essay about the emotional experience of writing a novel for the first time. well i give up. this is now two posts. one is the actual answer to your question, only ten times longer than it needs to be. the other is an essay about the emotional experience of writing a novel for the first time. so… caveat lector. 

first part under the cut. ← not kidding about the caveat!!!!!!

i've talked a little about the process before, so i'll piggyback on that post and dig a little more into the differences between the original idea and the finished product, including spoilers i couldn't get into when i'd only posted 55k. ("only." god.)

technically this did start with an outline. technically because at the time i was brand-new to fe3h and hadn't written anything but a few friend-ficlets in about 8 years. thought "skating au!!", spent a fevered weekend outlining all the major scenes, started in on the writing, and…. very quickly realized that i was nowhere near competent enough to actually. write it. "intensely frustrating" does not even scratch the surface, lmao, of what it felt like to have this thing in my head and only be able to produce what felt like the worst clumsiest tritest version of it. very apropos for skating, actually. 

looking back on that outline, it had almost nothing to do with the finished product, especially on felix's side. it didn't have the nationals flounce, the timeskip, training in vancouver, the lake, the nhk trophy sports anime climax, the backstory reveal meltdown. (it did have the redemptive healing free skate.) what, critically, it did have was sylvain's personal arc—burned out, desperate to quit, wants to go to college. it ended at exactly the same place as the actual story, with sylvain and dorothea's final skate together. the last line was one of the earliest things i wrote. 

in other words, even though almost everything between the first and last scene changed WILDLY in the process of writing, i always knew exactly what i was working towards and that was invaluable. 

insert two year timeskip here! during which i would occasionally reopen the skating doc, take a stab at another scene, feel this ominous sense of foreboding, and give up lol. you can thank the 2022 winter olympics for making me get serious, specifically 1) yuzuru hanyu going out in a blaze of bittersweet doomed quad axel glory 2) shoma uno losing to some eighteen year old. i believe my exact words were (consults notes) "anyway time to go back to my fic where i control the narrative and i decide who wins." idk what made this attempt different than any of the others—right time, right inspiration, right circumstances—but this time it caught fire. in uh. in a big way. 

so that's when i wrote what i refer to in that post as a skeleton draft and what i've since come to think of as a storyboard on steroids. this is when felix's arc really took shape, beyond "he is sad… he is mad… he is perfectly positioned to see right through sylvain." the fallout from nationals crystallizing, in particular, was one of the things that snapped felix into place and helped determine the tone and focus of the story overall. (that initial outline had much more of a romcom/classic fwb-to-lovers feel.)

the other thing that did this, of course, was sylvain's narrative voice. when i committed to "burnout who is controlling every single word of every thought to avoid admitting that he is burned out" was when this story became what it is. the voice dictated every single scene, the tone, the shape, what was revealed, what was implied, what was never making it on the page. it led me places i didn't anticipate. it made the cuts for me! cute scene you've got in that outline lol sylvain would never. 

i see past me in that post dancing around the length, lmao. well the ""storyboard"", the skeleton, whatever you want to call it, was over 100k. and yet even then, EVEN WITH 100K ON PAPER, there was still so much i had no fucking clue was coming! felix pushing sylvain on what he wants was there, but sylvain never explained what happened. my oc jm gautier (thanks for nothing, three hopes!!!) was an ominous presence, but he wasn't the final boss. there was no memory of the first time sylvain and dorothea met. (<- insane.) there was no glenn skate. i had to write to discover all of that.

so like—i cannot emphasize how much i grew as a writer through the experience of writing this story. prose, structure, character arcs, thematic arcs. i was harder on myself than i've ever been. and if i hadn't had that end goal in sight i don't know if i would have made it through all those iterations—storyboarding, drafting, rewriting, editing. wanting to deliver that moment powered me through any amount of frustration/exhaustion/bewilderment.

wow this post sounds almost normal. nothing about this experience was normal. which is why you're getting a part 2.

[kindlythevoid]

⭐

At first I was like: "Oh my gosh I don't know what to talk about, I feel like I've talked about everything already oh my goshhh"

INCORRECT

Here is A Waltz Is Still A Waltz: The Director's Commentary.

Cut to A Waltz Is Still A Waltz: The Director's Cut Commentary below for a play-by-play of the actual story with commentary. The following, A Waltz Is Still A Waltz: The Director's Commentary is simply behind-the-scenes of the creation and intent behind A Waltz Is Still A Waltz.

A Waltz Is Still A Waltz (known as WISW from now on) was definitely inspired by one of my favorite romance songs of all time, One Last Dance by Us the Duo. It is such a pretty song and it's based off a true story and it is just so sweet, I would definitely recommend listening to it (I'll put the spotify at the bottom for easy access). So anyway, I have these two Star Wars characters, right? Right. And I'm writing away at the OC-insert, but writing takes so long and these two characters are nowhere near meeting, but I like writing snippets that hopefully end up in fully-fledged chapters.

But I'm listening to this song and I'm listening (and mind you this happened a while ago so I really have no clue) and I try to write snippets as soon as they come to me or else they're gone forever, so I write down this little snippet. The whole thing is only a few hundred words and is supposed to be about them dancing alone on a warm night in their ship, just a cute little moment.

Two Problems with that.

One: Oh my gosh how do you write ppl that are dancing but not even dancing?? I sure as heck don't know which is why out of the (double checks) 736 words I wrote down, a grand total of 153 of them are about them dancing. Two paragraphs. I spend more time on them actually getting the tapes to play this music than I do on them actually, physically dancing. (I checked, it's 154 vs 153. Like!!! What???)

Do I have the power to go back and write more about them dancing? Yes.

Will I? AS SOON AS I FIGURE OUT HOW TO WRITE THESE TWO!!

Two: I haven't really?? Written the characters all that much?? Like Kirsi, definitely, we have some solid chapters down. Miikka?? I think I finally nailed down whether or not he was a ginger (a very defining feature, mind you) like, last month. Miikka has vibes right now. I don't know if that translates over to a fully-fleshed out personality.

Two-and-a-half-but-technically-Three: I don't?? write in Star Wars?? I've always wanted to, but a lot of fanfic writers are so good at navigating the universe and just throwing in (COMPLETELY CANON!!!) nonsense words for ordinary objects?? So I sit there gobsmacked trying to figure out the freaking parts of a spaceship that doesn't exist to write better. This whole thing is really just me trying to write Star Wars. I may have gone overboard.

Okay, here's the thing. I got a little over-excited about the music. If you were to ask me what this story is about, I would say "Oh, these two space travelers, my OCs Kirsi and Miikka, finally get some down time and get to know each other better before they're officially together." You, reading this now, now know this is merely the lie I tell myself to sleep at night. This is, in fact, a list of music and my very earnest attempt at making a fic Sound Like Star Wars. (how well it worked?? ...mmm.... debatable, I'll leave it up to the masses (all 8 ppl who looked at the piece I love y'all and would risk it all for y'all))

But mostly it's just about the different genres of music to be found in Star Wars.

Why?

Because I spent too. many. hours researching Star Wars music (to find waltz!! because surely Star Wars would have a different word for "waltz"!!!!!!) not to put everything I learned in a grand total of (double checks) 242 words out of the previously aforementioned 736.

Q: After hours and hours of searching, would you like to know what I learned?

A: STAR WARS HAS NO SPECIAL NAME FOR A WALTZ.

This, and the fact that the beloved soon-to-be couple only very crappily dance the waltz, is the core reason behind the name for the story: A Waltz (no matter how badly done, no matter what universe it comes from) Is Still A Waltz

But maybe you're here for A Waltz Is Still A Waltz: The Director's Cut Commentary.

(a la ASMR) Let's dive in, shall we?

Paragraph One: This is mainly just setting the scene. You can tell by the way I drop in the spaceship parts that I'm dipping my toes into the greater Star Wars dialogue. I am also setting up the reason that Miikka and Kirsi, our main characters, will be alone this evening despite their being a part of a whole crew. It is unclear what part of their journey this takes place in, but it can be safely assumed that it is still early on, as Miikka and Kirsi are not officially together at this point and Kirsi is still mostly working for the Rebellion under orders.

Paragraph Two: Here, I try to expand the world of Star Wars to include the people in it who are not, in fact, great heroes or the Skywalkers. As the longest paragraph in the piece, it is merely my love of giving the worlds to the ordinary people that live in it, as well as my heavy implication that the Crew of the Judgement Day can (and, perhaps, will) form a band in their free time. This is left up the discretion of the viewer, however, until I otherwise feel like it.

Paragraph Three: Transition. Going for montage, not doing a great job of it. One of these days I'll go back and beef it up a bit, but for right now it is left vague and up to the reader's imagination. My apologies, reader.

Paragraph Four: I went through the whole of Wookiepedia's many, many pages on Star Wars music. I had to write the word jizz in front of jazz because that's what it is. I must do all of this with a straight face. However, I also take the time to establish more of Miikka's character through his diverse music taste. This will help me in the future, although I cannot say how.

Paragraph Five: Here, I begin by continuing my foray into fake engineering by naming random parts of a ship that sound feasible. I do my best to consult Wookiepedia as well as using my best judgement to gauge what would actually get hit in a dogfight in space, but alas, I hate math, so here we are. I continue the idea of a montage for the audience and randomly reference a story to give the montage some weight/gravity (as in realistic, not as in serious). Unfortunately, I have no idea what story Miikka's is referring to because I have not come up with it yet. I eagerly await the day my creative juices flow properly that I might find out what it is.

Paragraph Six: In this paragraph, I try to account for Kirsi's alternate biology, as whether or not she actually has something passing for ears appears to still be up for debate. It has been brought up that they may use some form of echolocation. I don't delve into it here, but I try to be conscious of this fact as I'm writing from her POV as a Togrutan. Also, I love the feeling of heavy bass coming through the speakers in a car, and the way the whole car can shake, so I thought I would try and convey that here for some sense of reality/relatability in a spaceship.

Paragraph Seven: I need to work on Miikka's personality.

Paragraph Eight: Symphonic, in my opinion, is a lovely word. If I remember correctly, I almost used it twice in the same sentence. I know they say that you don't always have to go to a thesaurus, but damn if it isn't my BFF when I write.

Paragraph Nine: I like using parentheses for inner thoughts for some (but not all!) of my characters. I use it for other stories, but I don't believe they are posted. The only one that comes to mind is Dean's POV from Mara's story, but that is a long, long way from being finished. This is also my attempt at some relatable humor. Whether anyone other than me thought it was funny is up for debate, but I thoroughly enjoy it.

Paragraph Ten: Kirsi, I have decided, has a thing for gingers. Whether she knows this yet is up for debate.

Paragraph Eleven: I'm so down for consent questions. Nothing better. Also the juxtaposition of dirty-tired-mechanic Miikka with refined-polished-questions is *chef's kiss*.

Paragraph Twelve: THEY'RE FINALLY DANCING!! I personally love the idea of Miikka acting as a gentleman and recognizing that Kirsi can do whatever the hell she wants. I also love the idea that Kirsi recognizing this fact and choosing to stay with Miikka. (bc she loves him but neither of them know this yet shhh)

Paragraph Thirteen: Kirsi is crushing so hard and she doesn't even know it. But also the thought of dancing for fun when you aren't good at it?? Or even just swaying in place with the music?? Makes me melt every time. I really do need to go back and add more to this, just because I think it's sweet and the paragraphs are looking really thin. :/ Mixed feelings. Short and sweet? Or Sweet but too short??

Paragraph Fourteen: Oooh, not the beginning of "it doesn't feel like other people when it's you" that introverts understand. IDK if Kirsi is actually an introvert but the idea of Miikka becoming one of her inner inner circle is approaching and I watch it crash hit like a comet with great interest!

Paragraph Fifteen: Yeah, I definitely tried to lean into Togrutan biology this time. Leaves you in the middle of the action, but I think it's a nice ending.

~

And, yeah, thank you so much for joining me. I know that was a lot, with me going off on the story (negative) for the first half and then me going off on the story (positive) for the second half. I appreciate everyone who took the time to read through it (and/or the story itself) and go on this venture with me. <3

I won't promise that every Director's Cut will be this lengthy, but I hope it was entertaining at the very least! :)

Kindly,

The Void

P.S. Below are links to the story (again) as well as the song referenced earlier (One Last Dance by Us the Duo)

P.P.S. I almost forgot! While the initial story was most likely created under the aforementioned song, a majority, if not most of, the editing was done under the repeated listening of the Up theme song, which, if that doesn't tell you something about the story, I don't know what will, ha ha!

[alltimefanfiction]

I’ll take any suggestions you want to give me 🫶 I really appreciate it and I’ll give the Callakarth fics a chance I’m sure they are great and I’m dying to read new stuff even though Jalex has my heart

Honstly I'm just a big fan of any fic Vampire Vengence (author of Bandana Code) puts out. Neondanger (author of Star-Crossed) has some goodies for when I'm in the mood for some filthy smut. So If you havent had the chance to do a deep dive through all their fics then I'd reccomend them.

Bellawritess also is a great author. Their fics top out with an M rating so no smut, but they have a few of my fave fics.

You may have read Erode, but the same author put out the first part of a new fic Just To Seal My Fate this year (I think?) and I am very patiently waiting the second half.

Wolf In A Lamb's Skin

Count It Down

Lit A Match (With Your Nails On My Back)

Ask For It

Old Habits Die Hard

Violet

Those are probably my top five smut one-shots off the top of my head but you may have read those already so my advice (what I do) is just search our tags for a topic that interests you and work through what you haven't read or want to read again.

-Molli

Bless you for giving the Callakarth a chance, I don't think you'll regret it. Jalex was obviously my absolute number one when I first entered the fanfiction side of this fandom (anyone recall my old URL?) but I can't tell you enough how much it will benefit you to branch into other ships because there's a lot of amazing stuff by great authors that isn't Jalex. And obviously there's nowhere near as much being written for the fandom now so looking at things that aren't Jalex just means you have more to read in the meantime.

Anyway, here's some oneshots I love of various pairings so you can dip your toes in:

As It Sank (I Thought Of You) - Jalex

Yer Old Grave - Zalex, Zack/John O'Callaghan

Anaphylaxis - Callakarth

Products/Reactants - Callakarth

Forget Me, Forget Me Not - Jalex

Save Your Heart - Merrikat

Tie Me In Ribbons - girl!Jalex

Ruined - Jack/Grieco, by the lovely mod Addyson

Wet Hot American Summer - Jalex

BJ Foe - Jalex, technically a series rather than a oneshot, and I'm sure you've probably read this or at least many other things by this author, but she is a classic!

In Which It's Valentine's Day and Gabe Buys Alex Roses - Gabex, and again, truly classic author so I'm sure you've read her stuff but there's a bunch that isn't Jalex that's really good

Black Permanent Marker - Alex/Ryan Ross

Keep Quiet, Nothing Comes As Easy As You + sequel Little Lover, You're In Trouble - Jalex (sequel is watersports)

The Boy Next Door - Jalex

And literally everything our former mod Emily has written is fucking amazing. Everything. I think it's all Jalex, or at least mostly. Same with everything by alex_g4skarth. Both authors make me cry with, like, everything even if it's not that sad and it's been that way for a decade!!! Don't know why.

Molli linked Erode above and that author is also excellent, I'm sure you've probably read their stuff from their Mibba (some of my old faves were deleted though).

Aaaaand I'm currently in the process of reading the newest (?) Jalex that we know of, A Very Festive Façade. I started it last night and only got a quarter of the way through it before I had to go to bed but I wanna give it a shoutout because Kalina is another person who still publishes in the fandom and we need that!!!

I mostly steered away from smut out of laziness, and also because there are so many faves that are SUPER popular (at least for Jalex).

If you start reading the Callakarth ones and enjoy them, please feel free to come to my inbox and be unhinged about it because I miss having fellow shippers to do that with.

-Eve

[zorilleerrant]

I’m back, having consumed very much media and become interested in several new fandoms (although I think Teen Wolf is the only one anyone much cares about here, and I haven’t written anything for that).

Anyway, here are some fics I’ve written, let me know if you want any of them in a separate post to share around or whatever.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/34837183 Batman. WIP, the Jason Todd fic, very long, nowhere near finished, but I’m planning on updating Wednesdays, so there’s that. apparently not what people want out of a Jason fic but it is what it is. gen, but it is queer fiction, and it does have sex scenes in it

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46891264 Spirit World. We all know about Xanthe Zhou by now, right? Anyway, they’re in love with Cass, I’ve decided it. A lot of the content of this (surprisingly) jossed by issue 1, but I think it’s still pretty good. Xanthe/Cass

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46803031 Batman. So, in World’s Finest, Dick asks if Talia has a sister. I wrote a story where he pursues that to its “logical” conclusion - so, yes, he is trying to get Nyssa to go out with him, but he is a child, so she very much declines. Ends up being a lot about his relationship with Bruce (who he unambiguously calls his father rather than his guardian in this fic). gen, humor

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46240189 Monkey Prince. WIP again, and it’s not going to be that long but it’s probably going to take forever to finish it because the structure is giving me issues, but it’s a Monkey Prince platonic soulmate AU

https://archiveofourown.org/works/46239760 Batman. Cassandra Cain-centric story about, generally, lack of cultural identity and feelings of unbelonging. about race and family, mostly. this is an AU of Spirit World written as soon as the intro came out back in Lazarus Planet, so a lot of it goes down a different path and the magical structure is different. Xanthe bickers with Constantine in the odd chapters, though. (he’s Catholic here, sorry, I just like to write him that way.) gen, drama but not really angst

https://archiveofourown.org/works/36778261 Monkey Prince. my Monkey Business codas, which I’ve added to, but haven’t finished. I’ll get there, I even have most outlined, I just haven’t yet.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/45257911 Monkey Prince, but I guess Lazarus Planet technically. did anyone read the bit with Marcus and Lori interacting? I like her character a lot now, and I decided Marcus would be sad about her dying. gen, angst

https://archiveofourown.org/works/44473792 Monkey Prince. Monkey King gets time portalled to meet Monkey Prince. That’s it that’s the story. gen, humor

https://archiveofourown.org/works/44207464 Monkey Prince. sequel to Robin’s Egg Blue, Marcus is a Robin when Pigsy finds him and convinces him to be a Monkey instead. gen, humor

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43807572 October Daye series. I was very concerned about where Julie went, so I decided she died in the angstiest way possible. gen, angst

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43761480 HP, for the FTH donation drive. trans woman Hermione, genderfluid Neville, series of vignettes. they’re starting a student union. (this is roughly set in the same AU as my other trans Hermione story, but that’s not necessary to reading it.) gen, mostly fluff

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43629217 Wayfarers series. Okay ngl that book really pissed me off so this might count as hatefic, but I just thought the author did Ohan dirty so I wrote angst about it.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43566054 Murderbot Diaries. nonstandard format, but it’s a story about a murderbot (not our intrepid hero) dealing with idiot humans who get drunk and stab each other. gen, dark humor

https://archiveofourown.org/works/43520232 Batman. Coda to part of the Failsafe arc, character study.

[eremji]

Fic Questions Meme

How do you come up with the titles for your fics?

Is there anything worse than writing a title? Can I interest you in an action scene instead?

2. Any of your stories inspired by personal experience?

cw: abuse (and the fic itself addresses pretty dark shit)

each lovely phrase (E) - Outlast - Eddie Gluskin/Waylon Park.

This is a weird vehicle for it, but this was written in part after my experience losing my abusive father to terminal illnesses without receiving any kind of resolution to my grief and anger. My situation was nowhere near as severe as the POV character's – my experience was entirely verbal/psychological mistreatment – and the fic wasn't intended to be a mirror of reality, but the rage and grief I felt definitely informed the POV character's pretty heavily.

3. What character do you identify with most?

I didn't have an answer to questions like this for a long time, but Kim Wexler from Better Call Saul is probably the closest I've ever come to wholly seeing myself in a character. She's a small town escapee with big ambitions, where her choices early in her life led her to some toxic and morally grey situations. There are innate tensions between competing goals – her desire to do something genuinely good, her desire to make all her work worthwhile by being intensely career oriented, and her desire to get one over on the people who have made her life harder – that really resonate with my early adult experience.

4. If you wrote a sequel to any of your published fics, what would it be about?

I'm satisfied with all of the currently published fics as they stand, actually; if I felt like something warranted a sequel or epilogue I generally wrote it directly after the first thing and posted it.

5. How would you describe your style?

I don't actually know how to answer this; I lack the technical vocabulary to define it. I'm sure someone has an answer, looking at my fic externally, but all I try to do is climb as far into a character's head as possible. Sometimes canon makes this easier; sometimes a film, a tv show, or a piece of written fiction has a very distinct voice to it, either in diction or visually, so its easy to match. Otherwise, I tend to do some exploratory writing from a character's POV to see if I can hit on something that makes me feel good.

6. Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?

I don't actually believe in guilty pleasures when reading/writing, because its fiction! It isn't real! I'm unabashedly a monsterlover, robot fucker, dubious consent supporter, villain/hero shipper, and a whole mess of other things.

7. What's the angstiest idea you've ever come up with?

I have a half-written fic rotting in my drafts folder where one of the main characters is dead from the start (they eventually get better, see my addendum to MCD fics in question 16 later on) and the whole thing is just a wild ride through grief and love, and not in any fandom or for any pairing you'd probably expect looking at either my reading or writing history.

8. What's the weirdest AU you've ever come up with?

I desperately wanted to write the Dinotopia!AU for SteveBucky where Bucky was a Skybax rider and Steve was a scholar but I couldn't figure out a good plot for the premise.

9. Got any premises on the back burner that you'd care to share?

I have an Inception fic due for a rewrite that was started based off a bunch of dreams I'd actually had, but the plot has changed (it actually has one instead of being a series of set pieces) so I need to restructure it.

10. Is there a fic you wish someone else would write (or finish) for you?

I have a few pages of a ST (AOS) WIP that's dom!Spock/mouthy sub!Kirk that explores D/s dynamics in the vein of Spock's enjoyment of having control (after feeling out of control compared to other Vulcans) and Kirk's unresolved issues with authority. Oh – and the entirety of the AOS plot after Kirk's disciplinary hearing doesn't happen, they're still at the Academy, and instead of punting Kirk they assign him to Spock under probation and Spock is actively one of Kirk's professors.

11. How do you begin a story--with the plot, or the characters?

Characters, by asking if there's any story there I'd want to tell for them in the first place. Sometimes that doesn't come along right away, but usually I can cook up a premise. Then it's seeing if I like it enough that I can get a plot up and running.

12. Are you what George R. R. Martin would call an "architect" or a "gardener"? (How much do you plan in advance, versus letting the story unfold as you go?)

Bigtime gardener. Sometimes I plant things that don't ever grow or need to be heavily pruned, but largely I don't write in order OR plot in order. Sometimes I write two scenes on opposite sides of the fic one right after another and use the results of the later scene to fill in the middle.

13. Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?

Robert E. Howard is unquestionably at the top, outstripping any competition by miles.

14. Any fandom tropes you can't resist?

I will make at least a cursory attempt to read any fuck or die fic no matter how much I dislike the writing style. That link will never be unclicked.

15. Any fandom tropes you can't stand?

SO many. I'm one of the pickier readers and both my kudos and bookmarks reflect it. Most in the form of AUs (coffee shop, college, domestic, etc.) are a hard pass for me, but it genuinely varies from fandom to fandom and even ship to ship within the same fandom. If I don't like something generally (i.e. omegaverse) there's almost always at least one very well-written exception to that somewhere.

16. Major character death--do you ever write/read it?

I've only read a handful of 'real' MCD fics. If the canon conceit is that death is actually temporary, I'll go in as long as the condition is guaranteed to be reversed in some way (rebirth, resurrection, reincarnation) for a happy ending. I have a couple sitting in the background that I hope I could turn into something really wrenching (with revival and happy endings!).

[infinitethree]

OOC::

It took ten goddamned months, scrapping upwards of 15k worth of prose, and Innit deciding to evolve itself out of fucking NOWHERE

But bastard lad's bastard backstory is finally going live! There's still technically four chapters not done, but they're all in the back half. There are 30 chapters and currently about 72k of prose. The actual working doc is much closer to 80k.

Updates will be every Mon-Wed-Fri until it ends on November 30th.

My goal was to have this fic fully written before I published a single word of it. I didn't quite manage that, but it's pretty close. Of the four chapters not fully written, three have significant portions done. The remaining one is the epilogue (which has already had two or three iterations). There's a summary of what I want to happen, but if I can't fight my ornery muse to make her cooperate within a month or so I'll scrap it again and do something entirely different.

I wanted it out on or near September 24th because that marks a year since I wrote the first doc that wound up becoming chapter one of "Two Talks With Rather Different Tones".

...Which was started and finished on the same day.

I've been writing for sixteen years, but...never fandom content, and never solo. I didn't think I was capable of doing either until I tripped and stumbled ass-backwards into writing Day and Theo (my beloveds).

So a year of writing fic feels very, very special to me. I wanted to finally share my absolute favorite character, crown prince of bastards, Daz. I hope by the end, everyone better understands why I love him so much. I also hope there's wailing and sobbing.

To celebrate this year of fic writing, I'm doing three contest/scavenger hunt/guessing game type deals. They're all a bit different but the premise for each is similar:

Figure out a piece of information and win writing.

The one for "Blood & Gold" can only have one winner, but the ones for the "Mostly Benevolent" series and the askblog can have multiple ones.

For here, though, there's some interesting facets. One of those is that the prize isn't really set in stone. Like you gotta be reasonable about it and you do have to pick something related to my writing, but the winners get to ask for something of their own choosing.

If you're interested in participating, the contests can be found in this folder.

The askblog has secrets that nobody has come anywhere close to figuring out. Part of that is because there's really only Noodley who gives me questions, and they already know those secrets.

[bearmcpears]

The Understanding of Pain

Zhongli x Reader

Reader = Gender Neutral

ANGST/HURT/COMFORT

- Zhongli comes back from the Archon war after leaving you suddenly. A small short fic filled with angst and comfort -

You sit near the fireplace in the home that you share with your beloved friend, Zhongli. Though, it seems that this home is no longer considered a home of two, seeing as that your closest friend hasn’t been home for almost 2 years.

Originally you had planned out your life with your childhood friend but once Zhongli had been selected to be one of the archons, everything changed... Nothing was the same, and despite Zhongli’s constant reassurances that nothing will change, his actions didn’t match up to his words.

You began to realize such when Zhongli didn’t match the same energy as much, and in fact.. communicating with him was rather hard. Zhongli became rather inconsistent with spending time with you and suddenly.. he left you with nothing but one simple letter.

Shaking your head, you get up and splash your face to ease the growing headache. Thinking too hard about Zhongli always made your head hurt. But even though, you have still found your way around those nagging feelings to provide some self-comfort.

After a good pep-talk to yourself in the bathroom, you find yourself downstairs to make yourself dinner. There wasn’t much in the small tavern.

“Darn.. need to go to the market soon” You hummed, crouching down to grab a half loaf of bread with little slices of ham.

That would have to suffice for now.

You run a hand through your hair and watch the slices of ham sizzle under the fire of your stove. You begin to zone out as you think mentally about what you plan to do.

You began to voice out your thoughts, “Eggs.. we need eggs.. what else.. maybe some more butter.. we do have more meat in the fridge-”

Your thoughts were cut off when you hear the light pounding of knocks at your door. Eyes narrowing, you slowly blow out the remaining fire of the stove and approach the door. Who on earth would be knocking on the door at this hour? Must be some advertiser or a drunkard that went to the wrong place.

You place the palm of your hand at the door and twist the knob. At first, you glance up to see that the light on your porch was off which made it hard for you to see whoever was at your doorstep.

“Hello?” You asked slowly

Fully opening the door, you stand in front of the doorway and at once you’re legs almost lock and your heart skips a beat.

Approaching the door, the figure standing on the other side was no other than your old friend. The light from inside was the only thing that lit up Zhongli’s face and you couldn’t help but notice the tiredness in his eyes.

You shake your head quickly and compose yourself, “What are you doing here?”

“I live here, don’t I?” Zhongli murmured.

“Do you really get to say that? You left for two years with nothing but one letter. One. Letter. Zhongli!”

Zhongli wore nothing but a look of guilt as his hands nervously rubbed together, “You know that it was for the better. I did not ask to become an Archon, and when duty calls, I must go”

“You could have at least told me with your own mouth! You proclaim yourself as self-less but you’re nothing but-” You hastily clench your jaw as you stare at him with a death glare “a coward”

Zhongli looked at you with nothing but guilt as his feet shuffled a bit closer, “I do not understand why you feel this way. What I did was for the better of our world..-”

“I’m not talking about the world! Or your duty as an Archon! I’m talking about us... What you did to me. How could you suddenly leave me for two years without anything”

“But.. I gave you a letter and-”

“Do you really think that’s enough for me?” You yell.

You find Zhongli growing quiet and your long-held anger begins to grow. You clench your fist and begin to shut the door, only to be stopped by a hand.

“I still live here”

“Not anymore”

~~

It had only been a few days since the night you expressed your anger to Zhongli. You felt relieved that you were able to tell let out all the pent-up emotions but you couldn’t help but feel a bit guilty. After all, it had been two years since he saw you as well. At least he hasn’t forgotten you...

You run a tired hand through your hair as you lean back into your chair and look at your scribbled notes that were supposed to be a list of groceries but turned into a mess of ink.

“Best not to dwell on things and start doing something productive,” You say to yourself as you get up and walk to your bedroom, making sure to not look in the direction of Zhongli’s room.

You wonder where he is after you didn’t allow him back inside as you get changed into a simple shirt and pants.

After getting ready, you exit the tavern and make your way to the markets. You curse under your breath when you realized that leaving the house without a written list of groceries was definitely not a smart decision. Oh well, it was too late now. You inevitably decide to go off your memory.

About an hour into your shopping you notice a small cat dragging its tail along the lower area of your leg. You look down and smile at the cat who was circling you now.

You attempt to move away but it seems the cat has other priorities and you seem to notice that the cat is trying to lead you somewhere. You consider your options of choosing between shopping and following this grey-colored cat and you decide to go adventure to where the cat leads you.

There was a bit of walking until the cat finally came to a halt. You raise an eyebrow as the cat makes a turn into a slight ally way. Turning your head in the direction of where the cat went, you’re surprised to see Zhongli resting against a trash bag. A dirty-looking one too...

You chewed on your lower lip with a bit of guilt as you kneel in front of Zhongli who was seemingly fast asleep. Raising your hand, you press it to Zhongli’s shoulder and push on it.

Zhongli was instantly awoken and looked surprised to see you.

“Hello, Rex lapis”

Zhongli’s eyes narrowed at you, “What?”

“If you’re confused at why I’m here, then a cat led me to you. Speaking of which, why are you even sleeping on a trash bag”

Zhongli processed the information you told him and took a second to answer, “I had nowhere else to go. Four days on a trash bag isn’t as bad as it seems”

“But, why? There’s inn’s you could rent for a couple of nights, surely you’ll have enough since you’re some big Archon”

“Actually, being an Archon does not ensure that I will have a lot of riches. In fact, I’m... technically no better than a beggar on the street in terms of Mora”

You look at him with disbelief, “No way, you have to be joking”

“Does it look like I’m joking?”

You decide to not respond to that as you stand back up on your feet, “Well seeing as that you’re in a not-so-good situation, I can lend you some Mora for a couple of nights at the inn-”

“Why won’t you let me live in my own home? You do know that there is a contract that states that I still own the shared property, yet you insist that I no longer live there..”

“You really are delusional” You sigh, looking at Zhongli through the corner of your eye, "Fine, you can come back. After all, there is no put in arguing over something I can't win"

With that, you leave without another word.

~~

It had been almost a week since you saw Zhongli in the alleyway of the market. This week has been nerve-wracking for you since even after offering Zhongli to live in your shared tavern again, he hasn't made an effort to come back. Not foot stepped foot on your porch.

"Gosh... I really messed up didn't I?" You groaned. You began to let your thoughts make you weak and regretful. All you wanted was to make Zhongli understand how you felt and now all you've done is pushed him away.

'He probably hates me now' You think to yourself.

Looking outside, you feel yourself grow anxious when the starry night has begun to rain. You wonder if you should run over to where you assumed Zhongli would be... but what if he didn't want to see you.

You shake the thoughts off and you grab your coat, not bothering to grab an umbrella then sprinting out the door to the market.

~~

"Zhongli!" You call urgently called out. Your head spins when your anxiety begins to reach its peak. When you had arrived, Zhongli hadn't been in his original spot and you worry about what has happened to him.

'It was only rain... There's nothing that could have happened to him' You tell yourself as you pace around the area. Maybe Zhongli went to go get something from one of the local bars. Maybe he moved locations.

There were too many thoughts racing through your mind. Though, there was one place that popped into your mind.

~~

"I knew you'd be here" You huffed out, bending over a bit to catch your breath.

Zhongli stared at you from where he stood and hurried over to you, "You- You're drenched... Why would you come outside in this weather without any sort of protection?"

"I have a coat, I'm fine"

"Yes, but your hair... It's as wet as a wet mop" Zhongli cringed as he grabbed a tucked piece of cloth from his pocket and patted the dripping ends of your hair and the droplets of water that trailed down your face.

You laughed for the first time with him, "Rain can't hurt me, Rex lapis"

Zhongli frowned at the name, "Why do you insist on calling me that now? Zhongli is a name that you usually call me by"

"Mmm, what's wrong with doing it without a reason"

"No reason particularly, though... I do like it when you call me 'Zhongli'" He coughed into his hand and finally removed the cloth from your forehead.

You couldn't help but roll your eyes.

"What brings you here anyway?" Zhongli asked.

"I could ask you the same thing, but... I think we both remember the significance of this place" You hummed.

"In fact we do. I still remember the thundering storm and having to hide under the bench because we thought that if we touched any part of the rain... we would be electrocuted. How naive we were"

"It definitely was memorable"

For the first time in years, you felt connected to Zhongli after reminiscing that moment with him. The silence between the two of you grew to be comforting and you finally turn your head to look at him.

"Wanna come back home?"

~~

"It seems you haven't changed the place all that much" Zhongli commented to you as he walked around, running his fingertips across the furniture.

You scratch the back of your neck and smile gingerly, "Well, I didn't have anything to change. I wanted to keep it the same as how you left it"

You began to reconsider your choice of words when you saw Zhongli clench his fists and close his eyes. He was definitely thinking deeply about something.

You attempt to change the subject, "H-Hey... Forget I said that, I meant to say-"

"Do you want to talk?" Zhongli offered, walking closer to you as he held a serious expression.

"A-About?" The proximity made you nervous and want to back away for some reason.

Zhongli sighed, "After thinking over what you said to me the night I returned... I realized that I was wrong. I shouldn't have suddenly left, and I may not understand all of your feelings but that doesn't mean I shouldn't try to understand them"

You considered his words, "Zhongli... It's okay-"

"No. Do not say it is okay when you wore such a pained expression that night. If what I did to you caused so much grief... please tell me what I did wrong"

"I-It's..." You stumbled on your words but slowly gained confidence, "You did leave suddenly and- and, I felt that when you left leaving only but a letter with such little words.. I felt abandoned. As if I didn't matter. Was that all our friendship was to you, Zhongli? You didn't think it was important enough, so you left without even saying goodbye to my face? You have to understand that affected me dearly"

Zhongli nodded at you, "I wasn't thinking clearly that night. I was naive, and I wanted an easy way out to leave without causing you any pain. I thought that leaving you a note would make the pain more bearable. But, It seems that it has done the opposite"

You went to respond with forgiveness but your face heated up when you felt hands wrap around your shoulders and pulled forward into a searing hug. You froze up at the close contact and the smell of Zhongli was more prominent now.

"Z-Zhongli?"

"I also realized something that I should've told you before I left"

You blinked at him slowly and when you're eyes reopened, lips were pressed against yours as Zhongli whispered against them.

"That I love you"

(Wowie, okay. This was actually one of my first genshin fic’s I’ve ever written before so I apologize if somethings are off. I’m more of a small writer but I’ve written a lot of fanfictions. I do plan to continue writing on this platform a little more and I would like to say that I’m open to any requests. So, If you wish for me to write anything.. I’m always down to write something! Thanks for reading this far if you have :) )

[sodone-withlife]

icarus fell, and blood stained the ground

i'm back!! (but not really—the new school year literally starts in an hour and it will be back to my pathological dependence on academic validation. at least i can say i've technically published another fic before summer break ends)

anyway, here's the fic in response to part 1 of sumayyah's post. i published a companion poem for this some time ago. as per usual, i gave up on proofreading so hopefully any mistakes don't detract from the story. also, i hope the formatting and jumping back and forth between italics makes sense—let me know if it doesn't, though it might be easier to read on ao3 (it should go up on there by 4pm PST because school)

warnings: murder, major character death (may potentially be classified as suicide-by-proxy, depending on your interpretation), guns, canon typical violence, slight gore at the end, mentioned substances

word count: 1.9k words

The damned man thought of everything, Jessica thought as she scowled at the damned folder that sat innocuously on the large mahogany desk.

The desk that would soon be cleared, all traces of the previous owner gone.

She lifted a shaky hand and brushed it through her hair, shuddering at its greasy and unkempt state that hinted at the state she had been in recently. Weary to the bone, she forced herself to sit back up and grab her phone, dialing the number that was written on the sticky note placed on the inside cover of the folder. It didn’t surprise her to hear an unfamiliar female voice answer the phone with a “Ms. Brooks?”

He had thought of everything, after all.

Really, the only thing she was surprised at was the sheer extent of his connections—but thinking back to her phone calls with Haley back when he was still practicing law, the talks about extravagant offers from top corporations and firms, she really wasn’t surprised. Thus, it made sense that her call to the top law firm in the state would be answered within two dial tones and by someone who already knew who she was.

And within minutes of talking with the woman who introduced herself as Ms. Stevens, Jessica became even more aware of just how prepared her brother-in-law had been before he walked to his dea—

Not an in-law anymore—her brother. He had long since earned that designation, that spot in her broken family, no matter how much self-flagellation he put himself through in regards to her sister’s murder and no matter how much abuse her father hurled at him in the years before the man who once viewed him as a son succumbed to dementia.

Hours later, despite having already reached her limit twenty minutes into the call, she finally hung up the phone with only funeral arrangements as an immediate concern. Slowly, she stood up from the chair and mechanically made her way into the tiny bathroom that had once been a familiar sight, when her nephew was still a child—

She forced her mind away from that minefield; she wasn’t willing to spend another sleepless night thinking about what had gone down in the past month, what had happened a week ago in that apartment, what her nephew was doing and thinking in the cell that only seemed to become colder and crueler the more she thought about it.

How many prisons had he visited? How many interrogation rooms, holding cells, general population cells, max security cells, death row cells? Did he ever get used to it? Could he allow himself to get used to it, to forget that these people are also human no matter the crimes they’ve committed?

A careful hand fell onto Jessica’s shoulder, and she shuddered under the warmth that seeped into her body, a warmth that had been lacking from her life for a long time now. She turned to see Morgan staring back at her, concerned.

“You didn’t pick up your phone,” he explained neutrally, flicking his eyes towards her phone—and sure enough, there were ten missed calls, each from a member of the team. She looked back up but avoided his concerned gaze only to latch onto her reflection in the mirror and internally winced at her haggard appearance.

“Did you—“ she coughed, clearing her throat, “have you figured out what happened?” Morgan’s unspoken question about her well-being went unanswered, and she continued to avoid looking at him.

She watched the man shake his head through the mirror, unsurprised and once again cursing her brother for his incessant habit of playing his cards close to his chest, especially when it came to personal issues.

How else is—was—he one of the best at poker in the bureau, often even beating Reid?

“He hasn’t talked, either,” Morgan informed her quietly, saving her the pain of asking the question herself. “Forensics is still struggling to put together a cohesive picture. To be honest, I doubt we’ll ever find out what actually happened in that apartment.” He shook his head, frustrated at the man he considered his brother.

If either of them bothered to ask, they would have found that both were truthfully unsurprised at this outcome, given what they only recently learned about the factors and circumstances that led to it. The few established facts about this case in addition to speculation based on systematically organized notes left in an even more meticulously organized folder painted a clear enough picture of the events preceding the fall.

But it wasn’t really an accidental, flailing fall.

In all truthfulness, he didn’t fight it.

Icarus let himself fall to his death in an attempt to compensate for his hubris, to suffer the consequences of his mistakes, and it was both a cowardly attempt to escape the hellish burns caused by the boiling, melting wax and a selfless attempt to teach posterity to avoid ending up like him.

Jessica remembered the warmth of Morgan’s embrace when he ignored all protocol and took it upon himself to inform her of what had transpired in the past two months, regardless of the still-ongoing investigation. It didn’t do much to soothe the cold that had threatened to swallow her whole as she listened to the details in silent horror.

He had sat her down in her apartment, the one she had taken care of her ailing father in before he finally died and the one she couldn’t bear to move out of for all of the memories that had been formed inside—with her father on his good days, with her brother, with her nephew

“A week ago, we were invited by MPD to consult on a series of killings that happened over the course of a month. We had an eye on the situation since the second murder, and there were two more victims in the span of a week before we were finally called in,” he began quietly.

He had suspicions as to what was happening by the time the team was invited in on the case at the personal request of the MPD chief. It certainly wasn’t the first time he had come across this profile before, but there were simply too many puzzle pieces with matching edges for the connections to be brushed off as a coincidence.

“Based on the rate at which bodies were popping up, we anticipated another one within two days of us being called in, but the killer had gone suspiciously silent. We went through crime scenes, forensic reports, and things weren’t adding up.”

"It’s a local case and we’ve coordinated with MPD multiple times, they know the drill. I’d like to take a personal look as well, the brass has been all up in my business about this case given its proximity to the Hill."

That’s what he said to the team regarding him suddenly taking the initiative to go to the crime scenes despite his responsibilities—it had been a while since he last went out to crime scenes, often taking care of the office politics and coordinating the investigation back at whatever precinct or office the team had taken over.

“There were odd inconsistencies, missing pieces of evidence… There was evidence to show that the killer was an amateur, but ultimately the profile we ended up building was nowhere near as detailed as we hoped it could be—but it ultimately went a long way in helping us figure out what was really happening.”

Old case files going missing from his home office, growing interest in his job, sudden mood swings happening long after the worst of puberty, increased isolation, dropping grades…

Absentee fathers of Georgetown students being stabbed and shot to death as if the killer was unsure about what to do, an innocuous Jack-in-the-Box takeout bag sitting near the last three bodies…

Numerous signs, and yet it was the outwardly irrelevant piece of trash, perhaps a sign of the killer’s gluttony—a sick joke that only he could have recognized—that led him to put all of the horrifying pieces together. It’s been over a decade, and yet the memories of that damned day remained as clear as ever, dogging his every footstep. Nightmares in which the worst happens still often visit him in his sleep, sometimes even combined with the effects of Peter Lewis’s drug concoction, effects lingering even after all these years.

“Somehow, we completely missed the fact that he fit the victimology. Maybe it was because of his efforts to distract us… If we had put it together earlier we might have been able to figure it out much earlier, and maybe everything could have turned out differently.”

Only after intensive counseling and careful editing of his case reports was he allowed to continue in the bureau after Lewis and his targeted attacks, and yet he knew he was still being watched. It was with that thought in mind that he made a decision on how to handle the situation. Either way, his life would be irrevocably changed, and there would be casualties alongside him.

All he had to do was figure out how to minimize them.

“He never came in that morning; Reid was the first to notice the lights off in the office. We were headed towards his apartment complex as soon as we saw a cleared-out office with a retirement letter being the only thing left on the desk. All of the pictures, trinkets, law books, messy stacks of paperwork—gone.”

A retirement letter for formality's sake, one copy emailed directly to the director and one printed on his desk, to simplify some things for the bureau and to ensure that Jessica and his son get his pension should the worst happen. All of his decisions, meticulously recorded and justified, except for this last one to protect the team from the consequences of his choice. All of his notes, all of the claimed evidence, carefully stored in the file box he left next to the retirement letter back in the office. Favors accumulated since law school called in, contacts throughout the local justice system ready to step in and deal with the fallout.

All of this, an attempt to compensate for the mistakes he’s made over the years and his hubris, to protect the remnants of his family and the team.

Morgan couldn’t finish telling Jessica what had happened, voice somehow caught in his throat and refusing to cooperate. He simply shook his head, and she folded in on herself, the weight of the last week too much for her to hold up. Slowly, he pulled her into a hug, rubbing her back but not doing much more to soothe her.

This is a wound that wouldn’t ever heal.

The story ends like this:

Icarus burned, and Aaron Hotchner said nothing as the hand that held the gun against his temple shook with uncertainty. Everything he wanted to say was written—one might call him a coward, but writing had always been so much easier for him—and he knew that he would be the final casualty, that the killings would stop after tonight.

Icarus fell, and Aaron Hotchner was flung sideways, the unyielding bullet from his gun fired by his own son shredding the brain that thought had of everything but the emotional and psychological effects his final decision would have on his family and friends.

Daedalus grieved over his son’s crumpled form, and Jack Hotchner would be found with his father’s dead body in his shaking arms as he stared blankly at sights unseen to the team, who had come hours too late.

Blood stained the ground, seeping into the cracks and crevices of grasping fingers, and nothing would ever be the same.

[echo-bleu]

As my Encanto hyperfixation goes away (I went from 100 to 0 surprisingly fast given that it hasn’t been replaced), I find myself looking at all the fanfic loose ends I’ve left lying around. I am quite determined to use this in-between-hyperfixations time to work on my original project, Singer Street, and I’m half-hoping that the next hyperfixation might be on that project. I may or may not be procrastinating on that by taking a look back ( @t-lane-writes i might need a kick in the butt) but at the same time I think I need this to be able to move forward.

This is going to get rambly so I won’t make you all scroll past :D

Over the years I’ve left a bunch of unfinished fanfics behind as I moved fandoms, and I regularly get sad that I couldn’t finish them. That’s especially true of the more advanced fics in which I poured a lot of energy and time and emotions. I’m constantly wondering if I could just make a little effort and finish them just so I can lay them to rest.

- Gifted fics: Nope, not gonna happen. The Underground is technically unfinished but it ends in a really good place. I think I might edit the end note and mark it as complete actually, just so I can say it’s done. All We Stand To Lose... it ends terribly but I really had no precise ending in mind and I can’t get back into this one enough. If You're Still Breathing was never meant to be a full fic anyway. I’m way too far from these characters now even though I still love them, and my writing style has evolved too -- not to mention that the fandom is fully dead.

- RNM fics: The fandom is still alive and I still have friends there but... I pretty much hate what the show has become. Season 3, which was awful imo, did give me enough of a boost to continue the one unfinished fic that still had a real place in my heart, our hands clasped so tight. I think I’d like to bring it to an end, because I’m actually pretty close and I still like it. It took the backburner again when I blocked on the flashback chapter and then fell headfirst into a new hyperfixation, but I’ll give it another try at some point. There’s maybe 3-4 chapters left to write (3k-ish words each) so it’s not a lot, and I feel like it’s worth it. The other WIPs I can barely remember and none of them were advanced enough anyway.

- Shadowhunters fics: I was looking at my folder the other day. There are so many fics I started and didn’t finish. There are a few one shots that I’d like to just clean up and bit and post as very short fics/snippets just because they’re pretty good, and it doesn’t matter than they’re not really finished. I might give this a try today. Beside that, the only really advanced WIP I had is the time we've been given. I don’t know about this one. I like it, but it’s maybe not close enough to my heart to actually put in the work to finish it. As it is, it was maybe halfway done with the plot I’d planned. I could maybe cut some stuff and just give it a nice epilogue -- I’ll have to look at what’s possible there.

Oh, and I also have sparks filled with hope, my mutant AU that I never posted. Um. It’s pretty advanced but it’s been so long since I even thought about it. Yeah, that one’s not going to happen.

- Hamilton fics: This is the fandom I’m kind of reverting back to now. It’s a bit frustrating in the sense that the fandom is so small now that it barely feels worth it to post fics at all, but those characters are the ones on my mind, though not in a hyperfixation way anymore. So. I have one fic that’s finished and awaiting betaing, part of the the things we used to know series. I meant that series to be a lot longer but it’s fine as it is. I have one project that I still vaguely wonder about that I don’t think will ever see the light of day unless I get a sudden burst of inspiration, I think I can lay that one to rest too.

And I have Eyes On The Horizon. It’s my most advanced fic, I’ve written almost 80k but it’s nowhere near done. It’s been read by a total of two people so far, it’s the first long fic I’ve written without posting anything. It’s proved to me that I’m capable of writing something without constant feedback (I’ve had amazing feedback from my beta and it’s been enough). It’s taken the backburner during Encanto phase but I still really really love it. So I’m on the fence about it. Basically I see three possibilities. 1) Start posting it, keep working on it on and off and hope for the best, knowing that it’s unlikely that I’ll ever finish it. 2) Chop it into parts. As it is, it’s too long, the pacing doesn’t work really well, and I have too much planned. It’s basically three different genres and three different novels into one. So I could simply finish the act I’m in, which would make it a character-focused kinda slice of life thing, and tell myself that maybe one day I’ll write a second part with the more plot-focused part. 3) This fic is barely fanfiction as it is, it’s so far from canon. If I can find a way to tighten the plot and to change the worldbuilding enough that it’s fully original (here it’s not really the Hamilton part that’s a problem, but the Sense8 inspiration) I could rework it into an original novel, and I think it could be really good. But there would be a lot of work and a lot of questions to ask myself, too.

I... don’t have an answer to that one yet.

- Encanto fics: I essentially have two, and a third that I barely started and that will not see the light of day, that’s okay. Nothing In This World is very advanced but also not even close to the end, but I don’t want to abandon it completely because I think it’s one of my best works yet. I’ve really reached the depth of nuance and emotional complexity that I want to be at with this one. I think I’m going to try to tighten the plot a bit more to make it shorter and keep going, but definitely not as intensely.

The Pirate AU isn’t going to be written. I’m still drawing the characters, and I’m going to try and do the whole family. I’m shelving the fic (I only wrote about a chapter). However, I’ll keep the plot in the back of my mind because I definitely want to write an og story like that someday. Not the exact same, but there are elements I really like.

- Original projects: Singer Street is my current project. It has a full plot, it has all the character it needs, I JUST NEED TO WRITE IT. STOP PROCRASTINATING ECHO.

I had this one post-revolution fantasy project that I’m shelving for now, but the good thing about og projects is that they’re not subject to fandom whims. I might go back to it. I might transform it into something else.

And I have Eyes, if I decide to turn it original. I really could. I’d need some solid reflection about one specific representation-related aspect of it, and to really figure out what’s important and what I want to say.

So, to recap.

- Maybe finish Hands (shouldn’t be that much work) - Have a look at which SH one-shots I can post as is or with minimal work, maybe look at Time, then shelve everything else - Post that Things we use to know fic whenever possible, then have a serious look at Eyes, which might require rereading it and talking it over with my wonderful friends/betas/writing buddies - Try to keep going with Nothing, but don’t force it - WRITE THAT GODDAMN NOVEL, COME ON YOU CAN DO IT

( @t-lane-writes is going to be very cross with me about this, I should only be thinking about Singer Street. But. At least my mind is a little clearer.)

[out-of-jams]

Vesper || jjk

↠ Vesper↞ “There’s a first time for everything.”

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Word Count: 2k

Warnings/Genre: doberman hybrid!kook. human reader. explicit language. fluff. PG 13. one shot.

This fic is apart of The Hybrid Collab hosted by @jeonggukkiepabo​! A special thank you to Anna for bearing with my idiotic forgetfulness, aka me writing this and then forgetting to post it over my hiatus. 🥴 ᵖˡˢ ᵈᵒⁿ'ᵗ ʰᵃᵗᵉ ᵐᵉ  (also it’s a lot shorter now than it had been when i’d written it bc sfw lol)

All works here are purely fiction. Everything I write is my intellectual property and therefore belongs to me. ©out-of-jams. Do not copy or repost without permission. That is illegal and you are stealing no matter if you give credit or not

Cold – adjective.

Definition: freezing your fucking ass off.

You were well acquainted with the word– all but became one with it– what, with how absolutely balls cold out it was. The line to get into Vesper was stretched all the way down the sidewalk outside of the building, and extended out of sight around the corner. Sounds of city life echoed through the streets, cars zooming in between traffic and music leaking out of the bars.

From the crack in Vesper’s backdoor, the beginning’s of a hip-hop song filtered from the expensive sound system. It was loud, eardrum-rattling so, and you closed your eyes, leaning against the brick wall off to the side. A cloud of white left your parted lips as your warm breath hit the biting chill in the air. It was too bad that you were nowhere near drunk enough for the weather not to bother you.

Why you’d chosen to follow your friends out in sub-freezing temperatures was a mystery. You hated clubs, how packed to the walls they were, filled with writhing bodies so close together like sardines. It made you feel utterly claustrophobic, but it was your friend’s birthday and so you couldn’t opt out of following along with the group’s plans for the night. Not that you were ever able to say no to them when they insisted on dragging you out to the place.

Vesper was a popular club that you were sometimes forced to go to, located in the heart of downtown that catered to not only humans, but hybrids as well. It wasn’t the first establishment to do so, seeing as how hybrids integrated into society more than a decade ago. No longer were they as discriminated against as they once were, back when they first came about.

No one was 100% certain on how they’d even come to be; some sort of radiation exposure. The first hybrids had been humans, before they changed, morphed. Due to some sort of exposure to radiation, their cells had multiplied and transformed over the course of a few weeks until half of their genetic makeup resembled animal genes.

While the blatant racism had died out over the years, some, the more elitist members of society, still discriminated against hybrids. Looked down at them because they were born to be ruled more by their animal instincts than their human counterparts. Treated them as less-than because they weren’t completely human, when they were really just misunderstood.

Because of the fact that they were more tapped into their animal side and therefore behaved that way, hybrids used to be seen as beings who could be let loose into society. Who could not “control themselves.” So they took them as pets, tried to tame and sell them.

Shaking yourself out of your thoughts, you fished a cardboard box from the inside pocket of your coat. The sound of you tapping out a white cigarette was in time with the beat of the song pouring outside, and blended in with the cars honking out past the alleyway. Normally, you weren’t one for smoking. But after the stress of college finals week on top of the feeling of the walls closing in on you back inside Vesper, you’d asked one of your friends for their carton in hopes of calming your racing heart.

“Shit,” you murmured as you scoured your pant pockets for a lighter and then groaned when you failed to find one.

Because of course, your luck was anything but lucky and you really didn’t feel like trying to part the sea of sweaty people back inside in search of one. Pursing your lips, you let your head tip back against the brick wall behind you and let your eyes flit over the light polluted sky like it somehow held the answers to all of your life’s problems.

“Need a light?”

The addition of a new voice had you jumping away from the wall with a startled squeak. Hand pressed to your chest as if that would somehow restart your skipping heart, you whirled around. Standing in the now wide-opened back doorway into Vesper was a familiar face. Well, as familiar as a practical stranger could be.

Beneath the single, flickering light in the alley, his black t-shirt with SECURITY printed in white glowed in the surrounding darkness. It stretched itself over his broad shoulders, the bottom tucked into the slim waist of his pants. Your gaze slowly slid up his tanned neck, past his coral colored, pouty lips, sharp jaw, and the straight bridge of his nose. His wavy, dark hair was parted a little off-center, the sides falling over his forehead until it threatened to hide his stare from your view.

Finally, your eyes met his. Framed by long eyelashes, they were a bright, inhuman shade of lilac. Not all hybrids were equipped with the features of one, like a set of sensitive, animal-like ears or even a tail. If a human and a hybrid got together and had children, those kids would end up possessing more human cells than animal. Therefore, their appearances mirrored that.

But they were never completely indiscernible.

Just like every other time you’d ever laid your sights on him, your pulse skyrocketed and your stomach fell through the floor. And also like every other time, you pushed the feeling away and refused to acknowledge it. Because harboring a crush on a man who you’d only conversed with occasionally was a bad idea.

Especially when they were as handsome as he was.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Jungkook apologized shyly. His voice wasn’t too deep, nor was it high; lying right in the middle. Switzerland

“No, it’s alright.”

It was notalright, if only because the man made you feel flustered.

The only time the two of you really interacted was whenever he’d be scheduled to man security at Vesper’s entrance checking IDs. A small comment about the weather here, a compliment given with a flash of a smile with the reddening of cheeks there. Hell, the only reason you even knew his name was because it was etched onto the heart of his shirt.

“So,” Jungkook began, still standing in the doorway like some kind of club guardian. “Need a light?” He nodded his head at the unlit white stick tucked between your fingers, his parted hair brushing across his eyebrows with the movement.

“Oh. Yeah, you have one,” you asked.

He answered your query by pulling a lighter from the back of his pants pocket and finally slipped away from the door, leaving it open a crack so the two of you wouldn’t get locked out. The music flooding out from inside quieted down to a barely-there whisper. Pressing the cigarette between your lips, you almost faltered when he stepped close to you.

Jungkook’s body heat practically swallowed you whole as he entered your personal space with a cute smile pulling up at the corners of his lips. His two front teeth were a little too big for his mouth and you would’ve suspected his animal counterpart to be a bunny or rabbit of some sort if it wasn’t for his job. The small mammals tended to be pacifists and you doubted working as a security guard counted towards pacifism.

The lighter came to life with a clickand a tiny burst of flame, and you watched from beneath your lashes as he lit the end of your preferred cigarette. As soon as you felt the heat of the smoke sear itself into your lungs, a thought came to you.

“Wait,” you began, lowering the white stick from your lips to dangle from your cold fingers. “Doesn’t the smell bother you?”

Jungkook’s cheeks puffed up beneath the weight of another smile and he stepped back from crowding you to lean a shoulder against the brick wall. “My roommate, Yoongi, smokes. So I’m used to it.” He tapped a finger to his nose.

“If you’re sure,” you said hesitantly.

“I’m sure.”

Humming, you resumed your position of leaning against the brick, your shoulder only a few inches away from his. Hybrid’s tended not to wear perfume or cologne because of their elevated sense of smell, but Jungkook must have been wearing some. Or perhaps it was just the scent of his laundry detergent that drifted from his body like an invisible cloud.

It was comforting. In a way that you couldn’t quite understand.

Glancing at him out of the corner of your eye, you took a slow drag from your cigarette and made care to blow the resulting smoke away from him. “Ditching work?”

He was looking out past the alleyway and towards the busy street beyond. Jungkook’s side profile was stunning even in the near darkness. “Technically, I amworking.”

“Oh?” Your voice was filled with amusement. “Expecting someone to pop out from the darkness like Batman and attack the club?”

He snorted, his tongue darting out to wet his soft looking lips. “Batman would never attack a club.”

“There’s a first time for everything.” Shrugging, you sneaked a peak over at him again to notice him already looking at you. His violet hued eyes glowed brightly as they roved over your features appreciatively.

“How about a first date then?”

You sputtered, choking on nothing except air at his blunt words. “I–what?”

Jungkook broke eye contact for a moment, your reaction coaxing a light shade of pink onto his cheeks. “I like you. And I know we don’t really know each other, but we always end up running into each other, which is why I want to change that.” He looked back at you, expression soft. “If you’re interested, of course.”

“I..,” swallowing, your mouth opened and closed in shock before your tongue finally let the syllables slip. “I would like that very much.”

His answering grin lit up the shadows lingering in the alleyway.

[101flavoursofweird]

Fic Questionnaire

Thanks for @sixtyfourk for tagging me! I’m putting the questions under a cut because it’s quite long :’)

I’ll tag @northernscruffycat, @northelypark, @edward-elbowlick, @vermontwrites, @asa-liz, @yoshi-g-teh-first, @call-me-rucy, and @aquamarineglow but if there’s anyone else who wants to do this, please go ahead!

How many works do you have on AO3?

107… but a lot of these are just reposts or prompt-inspired fics that are 10 lines long!

What's your total AO3 word count?

378242 words

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

Professor Layton, PLvsAA, Layton Brothers Mystery Room, Rhythm Thief, Voltron: Legendary Defender (I only watched the first two seasons, haha…), The Ancient Magus Bride (I was in it for the cute dragon mage— not for the main romance), Steven Universe, Ace Attorney (only as a part of PLvsAA), Kipo and the Age of Wonderbeasts, My Hero Academia

…10 fandoms altogether, but some like PLvsAA and LBMR fall under the PL category.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Aizawa Doesn’t Give Hugs - MHA- 1111 kudos - (Why can’t I update my most popular fic?)

Fireflies - Steven Universe - 221 kudos - (Again, WHY DID I NEVER UPDATE THIS?)

Reset - PL - 134 kudos - (This is the one I feel the worst about because it’s an ongoing long fic for my main fandom and I’ve had so much support from readers but I just can’t find the strength to update it…)

Worth Fighting For - PL - 86 kudos - (My incomplete Whumptober fic!)

Mending - Voltron - 85 kudos - (I think this was one of the first fics I posted on AO3 and I was really happy about the response it got! And for a fandom I’d never written for before!)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I usually respond to comments pretty quickly because I want to show my appreciation for people who take the time to comment :) If I’m ever slow to respond it’s probably just because I’m busy or I’m trying to formulate a long response. If a person leaves a longer comment, I try to make my response longer!

What's the fic you've written with the angstiest ending?

That’s probably ‘To Boldly Flee’. It’s a fic I originally posted on FF.net but it’s now part of an Aurora & Luke oneshot series called ‘Looking Foward’ on AO3. The fic stars Aurora and Luke in an AU set during Azran Legacy. It diverges from canon after Descole steals the Azran keystone in the Nest. Aurora doesn’t want to go to the Azran sanctuary and face her ‘duty’ as the Azran emissary— she also doesn’t want to get STABBED IN THE HEART— so she decides to run away with Luke.

Aurora receives even more angst in this AU than in canon. After Descole’s betrayal, she starts to doubt herself and her friends, aside from Luke.

With a bit of help from Rook and Bishop, the two of them fly to London and then to Misthallery when they hear Targent have taken over the town. During this time, Aurora has her identity crisis about being a golem and having the fate of the world resting on her shoulders. She eventually decides to help Luke save his hometown because Luke is worth the world to her.

This all culminates with Luke getting fatally(?) wounded and taken to the Golden Garden. Aurora is so distraught by this point that she almost ‘floods the whole world’ in a kind of failsafe doomsday device the Azran may have implanted in her. Luckily, Descole and Layton show up to assure her that Luke is alive— but just barely. Aurora returns to her normal self and they get Luke to hospital. Aurora waits by Luke’s bedside for him to wake up. Aurora mentions that Emmy’s fate is unknown, but they still mourn for her.

In the original FF.net ending, Luke wakes up.

In the AO3 ending, Aurora just keeps waiting for Luke. ‘She could not age, so she would wait until he awoke. Even if it took forever...’

If I ever did write more of this story, Aurora and Co would probably go to the other Azran sites (Ambrosia, the Infinite Vault of etc) to search for a cure for Luke. But at it is, the fic is left open-ended as to whether Luke ever recovers.

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Not really hate but there was one anon review that may have been ‘too brutal’ (their words). I can’t say it hasn’t affected the updates on that particular fic.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I wrote a couple of light smut fics back when I really shipped Layton/Emmy. I think I’d cringe if I went back to read those fics (but then again, I do that with a lot of my old writing). I can’t see myself writing smut now.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I can’t say I’ve had a fic stolen, but I was reading a fic a while ago and the wording was veeery familiar. I’m not sure why because the fic was already good up to that point? Why would they bother copying my writing? XD I can’t complain, though! We’re all technically stealing the original creator’s characters and concepts by writing fanfic.

Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, for my Rhythm Thief AU, Déjà Vergier! In this AU, 16-year-old Raphael gets taken in by the Vergier family. A Deviantart user called BakApple kindly translated my writing into French. With the help of Google Trabslate, I started translating their French Rhythm Thief fic— ‘July the Fourteenth’— into English, but I didn’t get around to finishing it. My translating skills are nowhere near as good as BakApple’s!

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I wrote a PL fic with called ‘If You Only Had Time’ with an awesome writer called Glowbug. It’s an AU (of course) where Rachel Bronev survives and she runs away from Targent with eight-year-old Emmy. Glowbug doesn’t seem to be active online anymore, which is a shame, but I don’t mind! I’m just glad we were able to write 6 chapters.

I don’t think I’d co-write any more fics now… but more for the co-writer’s sake than mine! I’m notoriously bad at updating long fics and I struggle to write under pressure or within a time limit. There’s a reason why I don’t enter Big Bang events, as much as I’d like too :’)

Writing fics is a hobby first and foremost. If I don’t feel like writing something, I’ll leave it and come back later, hopefully with renewed inspiration.

But I’m always happy to discuss fic outlines/ideas/characters’ with other people!

What's your all time favorite ship?

Apparently the ship I’ve written the most fics for is Janice/Melina on AO3?

There seems to be more content for them recently and that makes me SO HAPPY.

Ranhengela might be a close second favourite… Sometimes I literally forget both of these ships aren’t canon.

My favourite characters tend to be those who are so selfless and would sacrifice their lives for the ones they love— e.g. Janice and Henry— even if their significant other is presumed to be dead. I want these characters to be happy but I also want them to through ANGST.

What's a WIP that you want to finish but don't think you ever will?

I don’t want to say Reset… but maybe Reset? I haven’t given up completely but I’ve lost a lot of confidence with this fic. What I wanted most out of this story was for Luke to bond with other characters aside from Layton— his parents, Arianna, Emmy, Flora etc.— and to give these characters a chance to shine. But I guess I realised I can do this without all the crazy plot twists and time travel mechanics… like in Ready Now, for example. Most of that fic is just Arianna bonding with Luke, Layton and the others, and it’s hopefully giving Flora her chance to shine too! I guess after giving Arianna her own chapter in Reset I just really wanted to write about her, haha.

What are your writing strengths?

Someone mentioned in a nice review that I often fuse canon with fanon? That’s usually just me poking fun at the series— like when Arianna’s mother asks about Flora’s age and her adoption status, Arianna and Tony just shrug at her comedically. Who knows, really? :’)

I’ll often just make two character sit in a room TALK about their feelings.

Dialogue is an easy one, but I like writing dialogue for characters and getting their voices down. (I will forever portray Dalston with his official Yorkshire accent— not the fake posh accent they gave him the the US version of Miracle Mask.)

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

I think it’s cool! …If it’s not used to mock another language— apart from English. Please make all the English jokes you want. I’ll probably agree with you and laugh at them.

I remember when I was re-reading Goblet of Fire and I cringed every time J. K. Rowling wrote about a character who wasn’t English.

I’ll occasionally throw French words or sayings into Rhythm Thief fics especially because that’s what they do in the game. It’s hilarious how Charlie has an English accent but then she’ll sprout a random French phrase.

What was the first fandom you ever wrote for?

Pokemon, but that short oneshot is long gone.

What's your favorite fic you've ever written?

I’m going to be boring and say Bonds Left Unbroken— an AU where Layton and Desmond both get adopted by the Laytons. I think I enjoyed the earlier chapters more, focussing on younger Desmond and Hershel, and especially their time in Stansbury. The later chapters don’t really branch out from canon that much, aside from the fact that Hershel and Desmond are on the same page during Azran Legacy.

I feel bad that I never got around to finishing the ‘bonus’ episodes, but it kind of just felt like the original series with Desmond phoned in :’) But I’m still proud of the original fic!

[ikassienatics]

𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐞𝐥 ↬ 𝐩𝐞𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐩.

summary: half the population survived the blip and that includes peter your boyfriend, while the other half was erased from existence just like you. five years later, the snap was reversed but the world you once lived in changes

warnings: angst but not really, mj being a really cool bad bitch, life lessons from michelle jones, peter moving on, endgame spoilers? but i know you've seen the masterpiece already, mj cursing a lot like a lot.

author’s note: y’all it’s been soo long since i wrote something and this idea popped inside my mind while watching infinity war for the hundredth time, and i just can’t help myself!!!! though to warn y’all, i’m actually not that proud with the outcome of this one, it felt like something is not right, like something is missing or whatnot. and if there’s probably a fic i wrote in which i disliked, this will be it.

a handsome god trying to invade new york is bullshit, a malfunctioned artifical intelligence trying to take over the world is too much. but a purple alien named thanos erasing half the population in your planet is full of shit. the world is a crazy place indeed, you thought you guys have enough, that everything is being handled with care, for fuck’s sake earth has avengers. but turns out, even the earth’s mightiest heroes can’t stop nor survive the snap.

everything happened so fast, one second every student in your university is standing happily inside the gymnasium as they awaited the announcement about the upcoming ball, then the speaker suddenly turned into dust, she fades away like she was nothing, like a bubble, turned into ash. then everyone panicked including you, you just saw a person turned into dust before your eyes, of course you will panic

then you stood up from your seat, taking your boyfriend peter with you as you both decided to run for the exit, then it happened to everyone too. they also started turning dust

then it was your turn.

you didn't really know how it was your turn, you just sensed it that you will fade away just like them, so you did what common teenagers would do. you clung in your boyfriend once you felt the tingling sensation inside your body. it was a scary feeling, and for some reasons the numb pain started fading away, like it find some way to connect with your brain to tell it that there's nothing wrong when technically, everything is wrong. like it was convincing your mind that you don't feel anything. you have never been scared like that before

peter was by your side when that happened, holding you tightly on his arms as if he's trying to stop you from leaving. but nothing stopped the snap, no one manage to stop the blip. not even the earth's mightiest heroes.

and now you're back, sitting alone on the bench with no peter by your side, you stood up from the bench seeing mj looking at her hands weirdly, only half the students inside the gym remains and the speaker on the front, the other half? your peter? they're not here.

rushing towards the tan lady, you approach her with your hear beating faster "mj!" she look up from her hands, eyebrows furrowed and seemingly as confuse as you are

"y/n?" she stood up before you can even reach her sit "what the fuck just happened?" she look around as well, everyone started reaching for their devices, calling their family to make sure they're safe and okay, some even rush towards the exit while some started crying

"i have no idea." you pursed your lips, you and mj are never close. you always get insecure because of the tall girl, thinking that she may have a thing for peter but she always assure you that she don't date boys, she prefer girls. so standing in front of her, let alone talking to her is still awkward for you, but there's no time for that

"did you just came back as well?" she asked you, reaching for her bag and hanging it around her shoulder, you nodded your head "i was actually wondering where peter was. . ." your eyes widen, she might think you don't care about anything but peter, or maybe she will think your ignorant because even after what happened, even if there's a lot to be concern about, you still ask for your boyfriend first "i mean, everyone, i was wondering where half of the students are."

"yeah, me neither." she grabbed her phone from inside her bag, planning to text her parents just like everybody else when she suddenly caught a glimpse of the date on her lockscreen "oh shit!"

your eyes widen "what? what is it?" even though you two were never close and you felt like overstepping a line, putting your nose in her business. you can't help but get curioused because of the expression written all over her face

"what the fuck is this." she showed you her phone and there you saw a 2023 instead of 2019, your eyes also widen in realization reaching for your phone as well and seeing the same thing in your lock screen, you even saw a couple of text and calls from your parents and friends five years ago

five years ago

what the fuck

you licked your lips, about to call your mom when you heard someone speak from behind you and mj "y/n?" the voice is familiar, turning on your heels, you came in contact with a person no other than ned leeds, one of peter's friends.

mj also turn her head making ned switch his eyes from you to her "mj?" he asks, still can't believe what he's seeing. ned changes a lot even after just five minutes, he grew a beard, his hair looks so fresh from hair cut and his body is more lean than before, he looks older. weird

"ned! oh my god." you run towards him, jumping in his arms and hugging him tightly, he did the same closing his eyes in the process and praying that this is not a dream, not anymore, no. this has to be real, everyone has to come back, this has to be the reality.

"hey, man!" mj nodded her head at the man in front fo you, he still looks confuse but not as confuse as the pair "what happened here?"

his eyebrows furrowed "you don't know?" the way he said those words made your heart clench, what really is happening? and where's peter? if ned is here, then peter must be somewhere near, knowing that guy. him and ned are usually always together, even in your dates ned has to tag along, not that you mind. you enjoyed it most of the time

"what? what do you mean?" you look back at mj "we just came back, what happened? why do you look older? did you just came back as well?" you bombared him with question

he shakes his head "no, half of the population survived." your eyes widen, then if half the population survived, does that mean peter survive as well? or maye he's also part of the snap? but where is he. you look back at your seat not long ago, expecting your partner to pop our of nowhere. but there's none, no peter.

"while the other half fade away?" mj continued or more like, asked.

"y-yeah." he nodded "it's been five years." so that's why it's year 2023 and not 2019? but how, how could it happened? why? who did this? you can't help bur ask yourself

"yeah, that answers our question." the curly brunette beside you spoke, referring to what you both just witness a while ago. biting your lip, you fidget with your fingers as you find the right time to ask him a question

"what are you doing here if it's been five years?" you questioned

"i helped my cousin get enrolled, then everyone just. . . just started to come back and i think of going here to see if both of you came back as well." he answers softly

you slightly smiled at him "w-where's. . . where's peter?" you saw how ned's body froze, how almost all the blood in his face dissapeared by your question, like he's suddenly afraid of something. his happy and chill personality faded just like the snap

"p-peter? y-yeah uhm." he clears his throat, you look down on his fingers and unexpectedly saw a ring in one of them

"you're married?" both you and mj said in unison, he look down on his hands as well before nodding

"yeah, betty and i you know. we made it work, aftee graduating i decided to take our relationship in another level." his eyes sparkles with joy as he tells you the news "she's. she's actually pregnant, two months."

"congratulations." you and mj both said

"and peter, uhm. he now lives in, he no longer lives with aunt may and he also. . . he's not an avenger anymore." you saw how ned had a hard time on telling you what he knows, the ned you knew not long ago is gone, ned usually knows how to compose himself immideately and maybe that's one of the reasons why him and peter fits each other perfectly, your boyfriend is an akward person, a weird one and he always stumble upon his words, while ned is more composed and often helped him.

"wait, what?" michelle gasp

while you stayed still, confusion erupts in your mind. how did it happened? why did peter left the avengers? he always love helping people, finding comfort in swinging around queens and fighting for those who cannot fight, and being an avenger? it's his dream, so why would he turn his back on a life he always wanted to have?

at this moment, you felt like you never knew peter anymore, or ned, he changes so much and you wish peter is still the same after five years even though you know it's impossible, many things can happen in those years, many things can change.

"yeah, after. you know, he got anxiety after the blip, he really had a hard time with keeping up so, uhm. yeah."

"wait, i don't understand a single thing." mj speak once again, trying to make the situation clear

you saw how ned gulped, as if he's about to spill the biggest tea there is "he just, shit happens. you know? and people change, how they see life, their perspective and peter. well, peter. he, he change. he's grown up now."

"like, how grown up?" did he move on?

"i can't tell you that, i'm sorry but he lives in." then he started tellng you the adress which you gladly wrote down on your phone with shaking fingers, imagining how peter would seeing you after five years, would he be happy, sad? or maybe he moved on?

god you don't want to think about it, peter moving on from his relationship with you? can that really happen? can peter really do that to you? no, no. peter won't do that, maybe ned is right. he changed but he's still peter, you refuse to believe that peter forgot about you, that he replaced you after being a part of the blip, because if tables have turned? if peter is the one who has been snapped and you're the one who survived? you don't think you can forget him or move on.

the trio was about to continue keeping up, but ned's phone started to ring and you saw a picture of a woman on the screen "sorry, wife calling." he turn his back on you quickly answering the phone while you and mj just nodded your head, giving him a chance to answer the line

"i always knew peter is a freak." she whispered beside you, trying to make the mood better as she started to see the doubt in your eyes "but a grown man? come on, just because he grow up and finally became a man doesn't mean he has to forget stuffs, you know?"

you slightly smile at her, nodding your head in agreement "you're right."

"anyways, i got to call my dad. you call your family too, they must be worried and confused. all this shit is probably all overt the news by now."

***

two days passed after you came back from the blip, everything you thought you knew? gone. it's like you never existed in the first place and you had a hard time keeping up, keeping up with the world you once knew. your parents on the other hand, they are more understanding than ever, letting you stay lock up in your room so you can think but occasionally asking you if you want to go on a family vacation but you told them you have to fix yourself first. your parents reaction when you came back is priceless especially your mom, she almost didn't want to let you go after embracing you if it weren't for your dad and you saw the longing in their eyes.

of course, their only daughter went missing five years ago then came back as if nothing happened.

you tried to read as many newspaper as you could, news from the last five years, trying to blend in once again. you felt sick thinking about the new society you are now stepping on. but even after those things, you have mj with you and you two became close, facetime here, facetime there. helping each other stood back up from their feet.

two days later, that's when you decided to visit peter, two days of dreaming about the guy, imagining what his reaction would be if you showed up in his door step, and a part of you wished you didn't came back after what you saw, after what you learned.

the house that ned told you was huge, it's white and there's a mailbox standing outside with a name 'parker' in it, it's more like a family house, a car on the garage and a small bike right beside it, a small bike? why does peter have a small bike on his house?

and if you weren't that stupid, you're going to be able to put the pieces together, the bike, the house, the mailbox, ned seeming like he's nervous about something. it all made sense especially when you knock on the door and it was opened by the one and only liz allen. the small bump on her stomach also didn't go unnoticable by you, and the small boy running around from the inside looking like you're boyfriend? yeah, fuck. you get it. he moved on, what else can you do?

nonetheless, she invited you in and you could have said no, but you didn't. there's a lot of question you want to ask peter, why? and how? but you're not going to blame him because of the decision he made. you fully understand it, that maybe his feelings for liz didn't really fade away just like he told you when you two started dating, or maybe he forgot about you. five years is a long road

and that's how you saw yourself inside the kitchen with peter sitting in front of you, the house smelled like home, like love, like family. his family, her family. liz was upstairs trying to give the both of you a time to talk while their son went out to play with some kids outside.

"you're married?" you asked, although it's obvious. you still want it to come out from his mouth. your voice came out like a whisper but you know he heard it, he only nodded his head in response, not knowing what else to say.

"you left me for her." you said once again

and that's when he spoke back "i didn't left you, you left me." his voice is deeper than before, more manly and he didn't stumble upon his words just like before, he looks like be know exactly what he's doing, what he's saying.

he's not the peter you once knew anymore, just like everybody else.

"are you blaming me for what happened?" you whispered shouted, not wanting liz to hear your conversation even though you know that peter will tell her later once you got out

"i'm not blaming anything on you, i'm just trying to explain that i'm not the one who fades away to dust, who left me with nothing for five years. what do you expect me to do?"

"i expect you to wait for me, i came back didn't i?" you saw how your vision started to get blurry, telling you that any time soon a tears will fell from your eyes.

"i waited for you but i lose hope."

"how could you do this to me?" and that's when a single tear drop from your eyes, then another. but you didn't do anything to stop it

"how could i? can you put yourself in my position for once? i was left with nothing for the past five years! i have nothing, tony was a part of the snap, may and i fell apart because all this shit! and liz? she's just, she's there with me. she stood by my side during those times and neither of us can't help it." and if your heart broke after finding out that peter moved on, now it's being shredded to pieces especially after what he just told you

"you find comfort in another woman."

"don't pretend like you will do this differently if i were the one who got snapped." you drop your palms on the table causing it to make a loud thump

"don't you there turn the tables, because if i were the one who survived and you're the one who does not. i will still wait for you no matter how fucked up everything is." you said angrily "did you ever loved me? or did you just used me to get over her? to make her jealous?"

"don't fucking change the subject." that's the first time he ever cursed in front of you, in those eight months of you two dating, no matter the situation, he never cursed or yell at you. yeah you fight often times but it didn't come this far, no yelling, no cursing, just a calm fight.

you wanted to be selfish, to steal peter away from liz just like how she teal him away from you. but you couldn't, you can't even think about it. you don't want to be the person, the woman who stole their dad away from them, you don't want their child to grew up without a dad, to grew up longing for a father.

"look, i know it's hard but believe me or not. i loved you." he said softly this time "but i have a family now, a family to take care of, a children to look after and none of this can bring back the past, none of this can bring both of us together just like before. you have to understand the situation that none of this is inevitable, maybe we're not meant for each other, maybe this is meant to happened, what matters right now is you're back and i have the family i always wanted, maybe not with you. but i'm happy now."

he held your hands from the table, soothing it gently to calm you down "i loved you, and i still do until now but not as much as i love her."

"you don't know how many men will kill just to be with you, you deserve beter and i wish you all the happiness in this world." he added, you look down on his hands, biting your shaking lips as you refuse to believe everything he told you

everything is just too much, it happened so fast. that your brain could not even keep up, but you have to accept the truth, the truth that the both of you are no longer the couple you were used to be. that he moved on and you must do the same

***

you lay down, facing the ceiling before sighing. even after two weeks, fourteen days, even after all those minutes passed you can't seem to get used to the world you were in right now. you're starting to drift away from your parents, not liking to go out and instead you prefer to self isolate yourself inside your room. but no one can blame you for your actions, it's hard. keeping up with everything, it's hard facing complicated things like this especially because peter is not by your side unlike before.

and for once, you just wanted to. . . you just want everything to stop for a while. everything, just. just to give you time to understand

if only it weren't for the snap, or what everyone prefer to call that 'thing'. if it weren't for that, then maybe you already graduated by now, maybe you're the one who's married with peter instead of liz. maybe

"i thought that if i acted like it didn't matter. it wouldn't." you said, eyes still focused on the ceiling as you tried to think about everything that had happened in the past ever since you came back from the ash

mj, who's quietly reading a book on the sofa inside your room decided to join you in your comfy bed, laying beside you and facing the white and boring ceiling as well. unlike you, mj asked for help. she started seeing a therapist to help her get better and to guide her in this journey where she's trying to fit in once again.

but you? you prefer to be alone no matter how many times your parents tried to talk to you or asked you if you need help, even if they kept their arms open for you, even if every person who survived the snap kept their arms wide open for those who didn't. you can't bring yourself to do it, to ask for help like mj. unlike you, mj handled all the problems like a champion, you never see any discomfort in her eyes ever since you came back. yeah maybe the first day, you saw how scared she was but now? she's getting better while you felt like you're getting worse.

you drift away from your parents, never answered or check your phone, you completely shut down peter and liz no matter how many times they tried to invite you like when their son celebrated his birth day. but you see yourself getting closer to mj

which is. weird

you never see it coming,

you never see any of this coming.

"it's okay not to be okay, you know?" she mumbled from beside you. closing her book and fixing her eyeglasses

"shit happens, we get sad, stress, depress, you name it. and that's okay, that's normal. everybody felt that too." she added

from the ceiling, you turn your body to face her before asking her a question "how did you do it?" she seemed taken a back but manages to compose herself right away

putting her other hands behind her head, she licked her lips before answering your question "how did i do it? i didn't do no such thing." it was a whisper, but because of the silence evaporating inside your room you manage to hear every letter that came out of her mouth

"i was scared, afraid after all this shit you know? and it made me think that feeling those things, that self isolating myself or being sad or what the fuck will not make anything better." she told you "like, if i cry in my room because i felt left out, will that make anything better? no right? if i stay in my room and get so emotional, will that bring back the past? will the pain bring back everything? no, that's why instead of being like the others, instead of following what i feel, instead of letting my fear take over. i just told them to fuck off, i go out, tried understanding the world more, have fun, be with my loved ones, forget the fact that i became an ash. because no matter how sad you feel, or how depress you've become. the world will not stop spinning for you, and because of that. might as well as spin with the world, you know what i'm saying?"

from her laying position, mj sat up completely facing you and holding your hand in hers "i know you're having a hard time, we all are. but don't forget that you're not alone in this. you don't have to be, you don't have to face all this shit alone because i'm here for you, your parents, your friends, peter. maybe not in the way you want him to be, but all of us will be here for you." she said sincerely

"i know it's tough, and it's probably much more harder in your case because of peter. but things aren't always going to be there, you know? nothing is permanent. i can't be sitting here with you forever because i have to go home or else my dad will probably burst out." you laughed at her humor "but i'm serious, sometimes everything is not meant to be that way. and i think that's what makes life special, nothing is permanent, because of that life teaches us how to cherish every moment."

"avengers fought with their dying breath just to give us a second chance, and i'm glad they did. we were all given a second chance to live in this world and i don't want to waste that."

that's when you realized how lucky you are, she's right. you were given a second chance, a second chance to live, to be happy. avengers bled for this, for all of you to return. you should live your life to the fullest, and that's what you're about to do

peter is one of the best things that ever happened to you, maybe he's not with you until the end but at least you manage to be with him and to feel the love from spiderman in the past.

maybe in some other life, in a distant universe, in an unknown world, in a small city, you and peter have your little love story going on, and you both are living there your happily ever after.

disclaimer: all publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. the original characters and plot are the property of the author of this story. the author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any previously copyrighted material. No copyright infringement is intended.

[tsarisfanfiction]

21 Asks: Fanfiction Q&A

Well I got tagged by @onereyofstarlight @gumnut-logic and @janetm74 for this, so here goes (answering on fic blog, because... fic!)

This is going to take a while, but it’s also going to be fun, so let’s get started :D

1. What fandoms have you written for?

Uhh... several.  In alphabetical order because that makes my brain happy, we have:

Published: Bleach, Boku no Hero Academia (My Hero Academia), D.Gray-Man, Detective Conan, Flight Rising, Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Märchen Awakens Romance (MÄR), Mortal Instruments, Naruto, One Piece, Team Fortress 2, Thunderbirds, Twilight.

WIPs (Unpublished): Avatar: The Last Airbender, Dragon Orb, Flame of Recca, HunterXHunter, Inuyasha, Jojo’s Bizarre Adventures (Part 7/Steel Ball Run), Kuroko no Basuke (Kuroko’s Basketball), MI High, Yu-Gi-Oh (Duel Monsters, GX, 5Ds), Yuri On Ice

A couple of those are only because of crossovers... which we’ll get to later.  Similarly, a bunch of the unpublished I have no plans to publish, but I’ve written them so they count in my head.

2. How many works do you have on AO3 &/or FFNet?

AO3: 150 FFN: 149 (the difference is due to a co-authored fic with @lenle-g on AO3, because FFN doesn’t support co-authorship)

(Tumblr has many more because so many of those fics are actually fic collections)

3. What are your top 3 fics by kudos on AO3 &/or favs on FFNet?

AO3 Kudos:

Tales From The Heart (1449)

The Combat School (524)

Succor (348)

FFN Favourites:

The Combat School (681)

Tales From The Heart (185)

Succor (136)

4.  Which 3 fics have the least kudos & favs?

AO3 Kudos:

Wishes of the Dark (0)

4am Forever / Leave Out All The Rest (2)

FFN Favourites:

A Little Fall of Rain / He Ain’t Heavy, He’s My Brother, Leave Out All The Rest / See You In The Sky / Stolen Shadows all have 0

5. Which Fic has the most comments and which has the least?

AO3 Comments:

Tales From The Heart (618)

37 have 0

FFN Reviews:

The Combat School (608)

After Sundown / Heroes Made of Gas / Splatter / Stolen Shadows (0)

6. Which complete fic do you wish had gotten more attention?

I mean, I always like attention :P  That’s a hard question because my fandoms vary wildly in size, so for example, while Tales is one of my most popular fics, it’s still pretty tiny in comparison to the big One Piece fics out there, but ones like Grounded numerically barely rate while actually getting the attention of a much larger proportion of the fandom.

Honestly the fic that’s getting less of a response than I’d hoped is still incomplete... but I think I’ll go with Vulnerabilities.  It’s an older fic, and a drabble collection rather than a cohesive story, but it never really got any traction.

7. Have you written any crossovers?

Ah yes, crossovers.  I’ve got three published at the moment:

The Combat School (Harry Potter/D.Gray-Man)

Vampire vs. Shinobi (Naruto/Twilight)

Stolen Shadows (Flight Rising/Thunderbirds)

As far as WIPs go, I have (who knows when or if I’ll actually finish or post these):

Alliance (Naruto/Team Fortress 2)

Black Phoenix (Harry Potter/D.Gray-Man)

Legend of the Exorcists (D.Gray-Man/Yu-Gi-Oh/GX/5Ds)

Untitled (Avatar: The Last Airbender/Thunderbirds)

Untitled (Inuyasha/Lord of the Rings)

8. What is the craziest fic you’ve written?

What even counts as crazy?

Okay, I say that, but Vampire vs. Shinobi is a stupid, Twilight-bashing, parody crossover thing so.  Probably that.

9. What’s the fic you’ve written with the saddest ending?

Ahaha.  There are a few.  All of these have MCD warnings (two are canonical), two of which are suicide, so watch out if you’re poking around:

Deception (canon)

I Promised

The Fish and the Mermaid

The Light That Shines Twice As Bright... (suicide)

Torture (suicide)

Unwanted

Whirlwind (canon)

10. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Tsari likes positive endings.  I’m not actually sure what the happiest is, though.  I often write... hopeful, rather than happy?  The happiest I can think of... is a WIP that I have the ending planned for but that’s spoilers~

I’ll go with Riding the Dragon, I think.  But honestly just take your pick out of the family fluff.

11. What is your smuttiest fic?

Tsari does not post smut.  She has written some, she has not posted it and will keep it that way.

Out of the posted stuff... there is kissing in Briefings?

12. Have you ever received hate on a fic?

I think when you hit 100+ fics, you’re lucky if you don’t.  I’ve had a few here and there, but they’re ignorable

13. What is the nicest comment you’ve received?

Oh boy.  I have had many nice comments, but I am going to highlight this one in particular because it’s the one that forever and always springs to mind when I get asked this:

Wow. That was pretty great. You writing managed to keep everyone in character, and still kept the story from falling flat. It's almost as if you stole a page from Cassie's story, and stuck it here. I really want to see more from you.

On: A Tradition of Pride

It’s nowhere near the longest I’ve got, and long comments make me super happy, but this one?  Being told it fits in with the original book?  Makes me beam like an idiot every time.

14. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

[insert eyeroll here]

I have had fics reposted, yes.  Tales From The Heart and Whirlwind have both found themselves posted on sites I don’t use - I managed to get Tales taken down, but the site hosting Whirlwind isn’t paying me any attention.

15.  How many fics do you have marked as incomplete?

Nine, which is both too many and not as many as I thought.  Although if you ignore the collection fics - Tales From The Heart and Behind The Scenes, which are basically eternal wips - it’s seven.

16. Which of the WIPS will most likely be finished first?

Just A Bruise, because it’s already just about finished, @lenle-g and I just need to tie up the final chapter and editing the rest of it before it’s posted.

17. Which WIP are you looking forward to finishing?

Long Way From Home, because it’s going to be huge and finishing that will feel amazing.  But it’s going to take a long time.

18. Is there a WIP that you’re considering abandoning?

Nope.  I will, one day, finish all of them.  Yes, even Uchiha Itachi.

19. Which complete fic would you consider rewriting?

Complete?  None.  However, the above mentioned Uchiha Itachi is being (very slowly) rewritten - and is actually on its second rewrite - because it pains me in its current state.

20. Which complete fic is your favourite?

Asking the hard questions I see.  I have a soft spot for In Your Shadow, I admit, although I have several fics that I love (mostly my Military Bros stuff...).  Also Tales, although that’s technically not “Complete”.

21. What’s your total published word count?

AO3: 956,962 (I aim to break 1 million by the end of the year... just watch me!)

FFN: 1,102,070 (FFN counts author’s notes, AO3 does not)

If someone is brand new to your writing, what work would you want them to start with to get to know you, your style, what you’re all about?

This is not a numbered question, I see, but it was on the post I copied these from, so I guess this is 21+1 questions!

I’ve answered this before, and honestly I think I’d stick with the same answer - Black Widow.  It’s not my biggest fandom.  It’s not my most recent work.  But it does contain a lot of playing around canon without breaking it.

Although, if someone has the time, Tales From The Heart does great for showcasing the range of things I write.  But that’s also 250+ chapters, so probably not a good one to start with.

And this is where I tag people, yes?  Not entirely sure who’s been tagged already, but let’s go with @lenle-g @ak47stylegirl @thetwelvecaesars @gaviiadastra @willow-salix @scribeofred

[mentallydatingahotcelebrity]

AO3 Tag Game

Tagged by @therealstartraveller776 ! Thank you—these are so much fun! 👀

How many works do you have on AO3?

Well, I’m in the process of transferring over from FanFiction.Net… so just three right now (because I’m editing everything and rewriting accordingly lol). They’re all oneshots. But on FanFiction.Net I have 59 stories; which isn’t including the stuff I haven’t published anywhere yet. I also have a fic I’m cowriting with a friend, so that shows up on my page too! I have to admit…AO3 is a little daunting with all the tags and stuff 😅 that’s why my transition is so slow….

What is your total AO3 wordcount?

8,593. Which is… nowhere NEAR what I’ve actually written… 👀🤦🏼‍♀️. I’ve got somewhere around 544,593 published words for all my fic accounts. One day I’ll get it all rewritten and transferred and I’ll have a more perfect tally.

How many fandoms have you written for and what are they?

10 fandoms! The Hobbit/LOTR, Phantom Stallion (book series), Thoroughbred (book series), Pirates of the Caribbean, Chronicles of Narnia, Person of Interest, MCU, Sherlock, Barbie (Life In The Dreamhouse—I wrote oneshots for my siblings lol), So Sang The Dawn (book series).

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

I have to go to FFN.Net so technically this is cheating (but I don’t HAVE five fics on AO3 yet!)… but…

1. Forbidden Desires (Narnia fic)

2. We’re All Soldiers Here (Narnia fic)

3. Star Crossed (Narnia fic)

4. To Be Chivalrous (Narnia fic)

5. Déjà Vu (That’d Be French) (POTC fic)

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

I always try to respond to my comments, negative and positive. I like that my readers engage with the story and I want to show them (as many as possible!) that I love them for their dedication and the time they’ve put in to reading my story. Readers are some of the best parts of writing fics—and seeing their ideas and headcanons is so awesome!

What is the fic you’ve written with the Angstiest ending?

I’m currently in the process of rewriting and finishing one… but it’s a Narnia Golden Age fic centering around Edmund called “Forbidden Desires”. Definitely not a sweet ending….

But the angstiest one published is a oneshot crossover called “Like Falling Stars” where Loki dies… which ties into the next question.

Do you ever write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve ever written?

Yes I DO write crossovers! I actually quite enjoy writing them—I mostly do them for MCU/So Sang The Dawn (which is a fantasy book series). But I’ve also done MCU/Narnia, MCU/Sherlock, and LOTR/Narnia to name some I’ve posted at one time or another!

Craziest has to be a Loki/Edmund Pevensie shortfic I wrote where they meet by chance during the Convergence after Thor saves Loki from getting killed that first time on Svartalfheim. I never posted it anywhere but I might one day. It was ✨spicy✨

Have you ever received hate on a fic?

Probably every multi chapter fic ever lol. People hate the ship, hate my character choices, hate my headcanons, hate my worldbuilding, hate my preferences for relationships, etc…. I delete them all cuz they’re usually all guest or anon reviews. So they don’t matter lol.

Do you write smut? If so what kind?

I’m 100% gonna steal how I write it from @therealstartraveller776 because I don’t get into that weird romance novel ‘detailing the physical act’. I just feel like it can really destroy the story if it’s not a romance novel type (none of my stories ever have been—maybe an occasional oneshot). I like to write more how the characters are thinking and their reactions to being intimate than just describing sex. Because yes we want them to bang, but if we wanted all that description we can always go to a romance novel on kindle and switch up the names and pretend it’s a historical AU. And that’s so basic.

Have you ever had a fic stolen?

No, I haven’t. I don’t think…. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

I’ve done it three times in my life and I’m currently doing it with a friend who mutually dislikes the Loki show as much as I do (we’re rewriting to our standards of excellence). And it’s the best co-write to date! Usually I prefer to write on my own, but this was a wonderful exception!

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Oh good glory… there’s really too many to have just one. Loki/Raine Fording (this is a crossover one so doesn’t really count), Loki/Jane Foster, Thumbelina/Cornelius, Aleksander Morozova/Alina Starkov, Will Turner/Elizabeth Swann, Caspian/Susan Pevensie, Robin Hood/Marion, Draco Malfoy/Hermione Granger, Ron Weasley/Pansy Parkinson

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Phantom Stallion by Terri Farley. I was thirteen and obsessed with horses. (Still am truth be told!) and had been reading the fica for two years before my sister told me to get an account and write fic myself. lol it’s her fault I ever discovered doing this 😂 She set me up with my account and gave me the motivation.

What’s your favorite fic you’ve written?

Less Than Nothing, a Narnia oneshot. It’s not the best thing I’ve ever written, but an awesome couple asked if they could turn it to audio on YouTube and that’s Amazing!

Tagging: @dkmbookworm @fast-and-the-curious @turniptitaness @presumptious-quirks and anyone else who wants to participate!