#because the landlord knew he could rent the place regardless of how well kept it was

[kentucky-daisey]

The undeniable urge to do renovations.

I am a queer woman and I want to fix something with my hands!!! Take me to Home Depot and set me free!

[adonis-koo]

tease

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↳ Summary: You came with the intentions of your best friend landing a job as a stripper. You never meant to catch the eyes of the king stripper of the establishment- Jeon Jungkook, yourself. With what was supposed to be a harmless way of paying off college debt faster you find yourself falling into a very odd and passionate relationship with your new mentor. Between infidelity, passion and jealousy there’s never a dull moment at Cherry Bomb.

↳ Pairing: Stripper!Jungkook/Reader

↳ Genre: Smut, fluff, angst, drama, slice of life, relationship problems without the relationship, reader is such a shy baby protect her, MUTUAL pining, so much sexual frustration,  

Word Count: 10k

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Tags:  penetrative sex, it’s a little rough, oral (m & f recieveing) they 69 i’m sorry, dirty talk, an attempted lap dance, reverse cowgirl because we love women who ride, slight degradation, praise kink, spanking, doggy style, little hair pulling and breath play,

Song Mood

Warning: This story touches on both sexual harassment and abuse, please read with caution if any of these things are triggers to you. Additional warnings will be given when a chapter present them.

“No!” 

“What do you mean no!? Baby be reasonable you can’t tell me you’re gonna cook all of that.” Jungkook glared down childishly at the cart only semi full of groceries that you had crossed off the list you had made before dragging Jungkook out, if he had it his way, you’d both be at the theme park right now. 

But seriously, his fridge was empty! Nothing, and you were not eating take out, again. It was ridiculous. So in effort to combat the increasing desire to cook at home, you compiled a list of meals you wanted to make and eat before demanding Jungkook go with you to the store because hey, if he wanted to live together then this was going to be a team effort. 

You had asked Jungkook what he wanted to eat as well and he shrugged saying he really didn’t care and therefore, the world was your oyster in terms of cooking, “Me be reasonable!?” You replied back indignant, an angry pout on your face as you flailed your hands, “You’re the one who tried to put two 24 packs of soda in the cart, a box of snack cakes, matcha snowballs and mochi in the cart? You think I’m gonna let you add ice cream to the list as well?” 

You knew Jungkook had a sweet tooth but you didn’t realize just how big of a sweet tooth he had and before you knew it, you were constantly making Jungkook put things back, he glared at you and you glared back at him. War sirens could be heard to anyone passing by you both as he gripped the tub of ice cream stubbornly. 

“It’s either mochi or ice cream Jungkook, we’re not getting both.” You replied as you crossed your arms. And for the first time in your life, you watched Jungkook’s lips quiver into a pout, puffing a childish breath as he turned around in defeat, going to put the ice cream back. 

You had to stifle your giggle because you knew he’d take it as a challenge otherwise, he was just too cute sometimes. You found his sweet tooth, in fact, endearing. Most men in his position would probably try to act all tough and manly, only liking things bitter like their personalities but Jungkook? Far from it. 

Jungkook came back with his arms crossed and that broody pout still on his face making you smile unable to stop your giggles making him even more broody as he took the cart from you with a huff, “Stop laughing at me! You’re cock blocking all my favorite snacks.” 

“Is that all you buy by yourself? Just snacks? That’s not healthy!” You giggled even more at the way he rolled his eyes, obviously your guess was correct, “Besides, once I start cooking you’ll appreciate it, I just know it. And,” You raised your brows as your lips puckered together, “You were the one that wanted us to live together, this is on you.” 

Jungkook huffed as he pushed the cart, looking down at the list that was laid out on top of your purse, “How is that going by the way?” Jungkook’s expression melted to one of curiosity as he raised his brow, “Have you talked to your landlord yet?” 

“Yeah,” You paused at the fresh produce outside the isle you both excited as you grabbed onto the cart, it was slow today and much appreciated so you wouldn’t have to battle over food with people, “The apartment is still in good condition even after...what happened,” Your lips twisted into a weak smile as you grabbed one of the reusable bags you always used at the store as you placed a fresh stalk of chokboy inside it, “My lease was getting ready to come up anyways so we agreed that with two months of rent he’d terminate my lease. I’ll get that to him Monday and then I’ll have thirty days to pack up everything and get it moved.” 

Jungkook nodded, “Which by the way, everyone agreed to come over and help clean up later today,” Your lips quivered into a pout...you...when did he even ask them that? You knew everyone had of course offered help but well, you hadn’t expected anyone to actually come and help you...well besides Jungkook but that was just a given. 

“Don’t look like that,” Jungkook snorted, reaching out as he squished your cheeks, a tiny smile tugging on your cheeks as you grabbed his wrist, pushing him away, “They asked by the way, I didn’t do anything. It just got mentioned in the groupchat.” 

“I didn’t see it.” You frowned as you checked your phone and much to your confusion you were right, there weren't any new messages to your notice.

Jungkook’s smile was a little sheepish as he shrugged, “We have a guys groupchat.” 

“That I'm not a part of!” You cried out with a pout as you crossed your arms, your expression sulky, you obviously weren’t surprised all the boys had their own chat, you were a part of so many it was hard to keep track but, couldn’t they ask in the main one? Where everyone was a part of?

“Well you aren’t a guy baby,” Jungkook cooed out, saccharine dripping on his tone as he squished your cheeks, “Besides…” He had a lopsided smile on his face as he leaned on the handle of the cart, “It was supposed to be a surprise but….I can’t help myself. I didn’t want you to cry again.” 

It was hard to not smile as you pushed him away playfully making him shove you back as you pulled the cart along, “I can’t believe everyone really wants to help...I mean...I just figured it’d be me and you.” 

“Well believe it or not they are your friends too now,” Jungkook snorted writing off on the list you made as you placed fresh tomatoes into the bag you had set the bokchoy in, “What are you even gonna make with this shit?” He furrowed his brows. 

“Food! I was gonna make some bulgogi one night and some porkbelly another with banchan and maybe some jjangijanma? I’m not just spending money on food that's gonna go bad Koo!” You stomped your foot in annoyance at why he kept complaining about you feeding both you and him decent food, “We can’t live off takeout, I’m not gonna stand for that! And!” 

You pointed a finger at him, “I want to get some paint for the living room! And some curtains because what if some creep is staring at us at night?” You shuddered, at the irrational fear but you couldn’t help it, regardless of how irrational it was you wouldn’t stand for it, especially if it was an easy fix, “Along with a rug too for the living center- oh! I was thinking about maybe finding a coffee table for the couch too? Too put in front of it?”

“Okay wait, wait, wait, slow down,” Jungkook held out his hands, his expression bewildered at your sudden long list of demands for the apartment, “Just because we’re living together doesn’t mean you can just hijack my apartment.” 

“Sure I can,” His lips parted indignantly as you smiled brightly with a shrug, “It’s not like you bothered to decorate anyways and I’m sure your landlord won’t mind a fresh coat of paint on those musty looking walls. Besides, it’s not yours anymore, it’s ours. You think we could get some new lighting for the kitchen too by the way? The white light really makes the grey walls look gross.” 

Jungkook puffed a breath, a brief smile on his lips as he wrapped an arm around your shoulders, “Let's just focus on one thing at a time first okay?” You squealed at his words, bouncing in excitement at his approval of letting you completely hijack his apartment but honestly, it reeked of lack of care and testosterone. It could use a feminine touch, “We can start off with some paint and lighting, that I can do. And….” He rubbed his neck, “It’s not like we don’t have time, I just got a call from Sejin this morning telling me Cherry isn’t gonna be open until Monday.” 

You frowned, “Isn’t that when SSU starts though?” How was that even gonna go? You doubt a lot of people- if any at all would show up, especially given what had just happened. Would it even still be on this year with everything that’s happened? 

“Yeah that’s the ploy,” Jungkook shrugged, just as unsure as you as he answered, “A lot of free and cheap entertainment, drinks will be half off, Sejin and Bang are really trying to make the most of Cherry’s comeback to try and bury what happened. You’d be surprised at how superficial people are, especially men when it comes to strip clubs.” 

You sighed wistfully as you shrugged, you wouldn’t deny him there, men were strange creatures and you wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of business did come back without a care in the world for what happened as long as it meant cheap drinks and naked girls.

“But hey! That gives us more time to prep for you,” Jungkook smiled that charming bright smile of his as he bumped into you making you whine a little as you bumped him back despite a smile threatening to tug on your lips, “Meaning I got a strip pole to install when we get back to the apartment. We won’t need Cherry anyways to choreograph now.” 

You were wondering what that package was on his front porch anyways, he had only smiled that smile of his as he shrugged innocently but apparently he had been wanting to get a pole for the apartment for awhile now. 

“Well I already have some songs picked out,” Your smile was a little timid at that pure enthusiasm Jungkook always radiated with pride when it came to you and work, “You’ll have to tell me in detail later just how things are run for SSU. But anyways, this is the last of what we need so let's go check out.” 

Jungkook wheeled the cart to the checkout where you carefully placed things back into the reusable bags which Jungkook complained about but you didn't like using plastic when it wasn’t needed. 

For the first time, doing mundane things such as grocery shopping was actually rather fun, Jungkook and you would banter the whole time and he despite complaining was just as curious and involved in getting things for you (and just as what had happened, trying to bring extra things into the cart as well). However he did get his own snack as well. You just weren’t gonna let him go overboard.

Bringing groceries in was also easy as Jungkook had made it a competition he easily won by bringing them in bulk, proudly showing off the muscle he had despite it being hidden beneath the bagging clothes he often wore. 

Unfortunately Jungkook looked like a lost puppy, unable to help as you began to unload them into the fridge, debating on where to put everything as he sat back at the chair at the table with a fat pout on his face making you giggle, “You can join in the say so if you want, I don’t mind! It is your fridge. Have you ever even gotten a full grocery shop before?” 

“No.” Jungkook sulked as he crossed his arms, making a flutter of laughter escape you, “I don’t know shit about where to put what in the fridge!” 

You waved him over as you shook your head, and reluctantly Jungkook got up and peered over your shoulder, “Everyone does it different, but this is how I do it. All the big stuff like milk and dairy go on the main shelving,” You patted the first level where you had placed your oat milk, the sour cream and cheese at, “These little shelves are for smaller stuff like butter! And the drawers on the bottom hold produce like the bokchoy we have.” 

Jungkook wrapped his arms around you loosely as he set his chin on your shoulder, listening intently to you ramble and explain how you placed things into the fridge before muttering to him about how to arrange things which Jungkook would offer suggestions on, some you’d agree excitedly with and others you snort and dismiss. 

You enjoyed doing domestic things with him. It didn’t take long for all the groceries to be put away and you were admittedly excited to start turning Jungkook’s apartment into something more...bright...You didn’t want to say Jungkook’s apartment was ugly. It just felt...void of personality and flair that you knew it had the potential for. 

And it wasn’t like Jungkook lived in a bad part of Seoul, it was a lovely neighborhood and apartment complex he lived in and because it was so close to Gangnam it was extremely expensive, the only way he could ever afford it was because he was a stripper. He had told you he only started renting here three years ago. 

So you knew this apartment probably came like this and only deteriorated over time as Jungkook didn’t live hard in it, but he didn’t maintain more than needed. With a little bit of love you knew this place would be a lot brighter and happier. 

“Just hold down the bottom,” Jungkook directed as you steadied the pole, he stood up on a chair as he installed the top of the pole, you both had to rearrange furniture and Jungkook respectively asked for your opinion as this was your domain that you would be styling in the future and you both had agreed that the pole would look back towards the further right corner just a little left of where the TV was, but enough space that there was no chance of hitting the wall or anything else. 

You definitely had some work to do with this place but you were already getting ideas that you were excited to try, the rest of your summer, which was coming to a fast end, wouldn’t go to waste.  

“I am!” You replied, looking up at him with a pout as you steadied the pole. 

“Then why are you wiggling so much?” Jungkook huffed as he gripped the top of the pole making it stiff as he finished tightening the top. 

“Don’t be mean! I’m trying my best!” You replied back with a cry making Jungkook snort as he rolled his eyes, finishing up he hopped off the chair, holding out his hands, your eyes narrowing on them as you grabbed them. 

“I’m not being mean,” Jungkook tutted as he pulled you up and against him, you tried your best to make an angry face but it failed as he leaned down, bumping your nose against his, “You’re just being a baby.”

Your expression curled a little as he smiled that smile of his as he looked away, “See? Pure baby material.” 

You stomped your foot before latching onto him, your arms around his neck as you spoke, “You like it when I’m a baby!” You defended yourself, making him chuckle. 

“You’re right, I do.” He relented playfully as he sighed dramatically, “I do. I wouldn’t want it any other way then seeing your sulky, pouty little face every day.” He bumped your nose against his once more as your lips lightened into a bright shy smile as you leaned up, letting your nose brush his in acknowledgement, “Are you ready to go? The others are headed over to your apartment.” 

You nodded, “Mhm, I just wanna get it cleaned oh and…” You offered a cheeky smile that you knew he would groan about, “I wanna bring some of my mugs and plates over...it’s really sad you live off styrofoam.” 

“Oh my god.” He sighed as he hung his head causing a string of giggles to escape you, god you loved this man. 

“Man this place is a mess,” Seokjin wrinkled his nose as he swept up broken glass, “I mean really, it’s seen better da- Ow! Hey you punk!” Seokjin had dropped the broom to rub his bicep at the harsh punch Jungkook landed against his arm, his glare sharp as he briefly looked over at you. 

Kneeled down your fingers ran through the soil of the potted hosta you had bought from the supermarket, it had been dying and you were slowly nursing it back to health. Now all its leaves were dried up and crumbled from the days without nutrition or water. Placing the chunks of pottery into the plastic bag you remembered the day you bought that pot too. 

It was from the local pottery store and the woman who ran it was so excited that you had gotten it because it had been sitting on the shelf for nearly three months despite having the cutest illustration of a lone weak tree on it. 

You remembered thinking it was that most adorable thing on the planet and just knew it’d look good sitting up on that old wooden crate you stood up right as a stand. You hardly even realized tears were trickling down your cheeks as you held up the broken pottery piece that had the small tree on it. 

“We’ll get you a new one babygirl.” Jungkook kneeled down beside you with a soft tone as he wrapped an arm around you, your lips immediately quivering as you sniffled harshly, trying not to cry. It was dumb, these were all things, just material items, at least they weren’t you. But in everything you did and bought, you did it was so much passion and utmost love. 

“...It was from the pottery store, theren’t aren’t any more like this.” You mumbled with a sniffle as you closed your eyes in defeat, tears trickling down your face as you wiped them. Shaking your head, “This is so stupid to cry about!” You flopped the piece into the bag, feeling frustrated with yourself, you were tired of crying, tired of feeling your heart ache over the tiniest things. It was too exhausting. 

“No, no, no it’s not!” Jungkook immediately defended, grabbing the piece from the bag, “These are your things babydoll, and I know how much your space means to you. It’s okay for this to be hard,” He pecked your temple as you closed your eyes again, warm watery tears sliding down your cheeks, “There’s nothing wrong with acknowledging that.” 

Your hands trembled as you covered your eyes, your shoulders bouncing as you silently kept your tears to yourself, Jungkook’s lips pressing into your hair as his hand soothingly rubbed your arm that was wrapped around you. 

After a moment of mourning all of the precious memories you made in this little apartment you called home, you wiped your tears as Jungkook asked if you were okay, nodding you continued to wipe your eyes as he helped you bag up the rest of the broken pot. Tenderly Jungkook took the bag from you as he rubbed your back once before getting up. 

Sighing you shook your head, wiping your eyes one last time as you stood up.Stupid...even with Jungkooks vaildation which you knew he was right about, you couldn’t help but berate yourself, it was dumb to cry about things like this when there was better ways you could exert your energy. 

Having dried your tears and having a moment to regain your composure you finished up cleaning all the pottery and glass that had been scattered on the floor before walking into the living room your lips curled a little at the confused expression Jimin sported. 

He was holding up a cloth, inspecting it closely as if trying to figure out what it was was but obviously finding no success due to the many rips in it, “It’s a tapestry,” Jimin jumped a little as you sat down on the couch beside him, “...Was a tapestry,” You mumbled, rubbing the back of your neck, “I found it at a flea market when I first came to Seoul, back when me and Seulgi lived together that was our first week on being in our apartment and it was horrible,” You shook your head as your nose wrinkled, grabbing a side of the ripped tapestry in fondness, “I mean there was water stains on the walls, the paint was chipped and looked like it had been due for a new coat for over ten years, the toilets hadn’t been scrubbed and the bathrooms were wrecked. It was horrible.” 

Jimin peered at you curiously as you traced the design of a large lotus flower that had been on it, “Seulgi just started crying the moment we walked through the house for the first time because the pictures online made it look a lot better. And of course I thought it was terrible too, but later that week exploring Seoul, I ended up finding an old flea market stall and came across this.” 

Your lips curled into a proud smile as you held it up, “And I realized that, just because that’s what our apartment looked like when we first got there, didn’t mean it had to continue looking like that. Seulgi dragged her feet and wouldn’t come with me so I painted all the walls, cleaned up the bathrooms and got new apparel to put in there. It didn’t happen fast.” 

You clacked your tongue as you sighed, “We were pretty broke at the time because even with us splitting rent it was still expensive. But slowly and sure, it came together. And we left that apartment better than it ever was. I was proud.”

You looked at Jimin only for him to scoot a little away from you as he joked, “Maybe you should’ve gone into interior decorating instead of dance? Jungkook could really use the help, he has zero sense of taste when it comes to anything besides himself.” 

You briefly flickered your gaze to Jungkook who tried to not make himself so obvious that he was keeping an eye on you both, his gaze immediately shooting away from you as you sighed, you knew Jungkook would apologize on his own time but that didn’t mean you still didn’t feel bad, “Jungkook told me…”

You didn’t need to elaborate for Jimin to know exactly what you were talking about, his expression visibly put out as he slumped back against the couch, running his hands through his hair as he groaned, “I mean I’m not surprised, but he could’ve kept it to himself…You know what, maybe you’ll tell me what the fuck is wrong with him?” 

Your lips parted a little, somewhat taken aback at just how strong Jimin came off, clearly still sore about yesterday- not that you could blame him, you knew how Jungkook was, but still…you had never seen Jimin in such a...hostile state. And a part of you felt a wave of guilt...had it not been for you...Jungkook wouldn’t be like this…

You had to pause to think about your next words carefully, because you knew if not said the right way, it could be seen as defensive, which wasn’t your intention, “...Well...I wouldn’t say there’s anything wrong with Jungkook,” You spoke softly, folding your hands into your lap, “He just....” Your eyes fanned around the room realizing Jungkook must’ve gone back to the kitchen, otherwise it was just the two of you, “...Jimin…” You sighed as you lifted one foot onto the couch, wrapping your arms around your leg as you gently laid your head against it, “There’s a lot of stuff going on with him lately. There’s a lot of things that he’s ignored about himself and bottled up, and...it’s all come out recently. A lot of wounds he never even tended to, have been ripped back open for him.” 

“I just don’t understand him,” Jimin sighed, lifting up the fabric of the tapestry once more as he shook his head, “I thought I knew him, but I guess I don’t huh.” You frowned a little as you pulled the tapestry from his hands, folding it up as you shook your head. 

“It’s not you, he just...I guess he thought he could bury it, or run from it...and he can’t.” You smoothed out the edges, “It’s brought out a lot of deep rooted insecurities from him. And Jungkook knows it’s not like him, but it’s not something he can help. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry I made things tense between you both....” You couldn’t look at him anymore, feeling a sense of shame in you as you stared down at your fingers.

“It’s not your fault!” Jimin immediately defended you, which was appreciated but you still felt bad, “You did nothing wrong.” 

“I basically gaslit him when he thought I was pregnant with your kid and instead of just staying in, I forced us to go out and not only that but somehow during all of that, I seriously thought blowing you would be a good idea.” Jimin deflated a little at your words as you stared at him in exasperation. You didn’t force Jungkook to go out technically, but you had pushed the whole day.

But only because you knew something was bothering him and he’d never be like that normally, you should’ve respected what he wanted regardless but you just thought….thought what? You felt pathetic trying to defend your motive that day, but it had been truly innocent up until what had happened at the afterparty. You had assumed Jungkook would eventually perk back up and have fun because he loved going out, you wouldn’t have pushed him had you understood what was really going on. 

“Well you do sound kinda like a bitch when you put it like that,” Jimin muttered, looking at you as you looked back at him, a smile curling on his lips and one threatening yours as you snorted, “But we both know it probably wasn’t like that. You had his best intentions at heart. And I mean you’re right, blowing me wasn’t a good idea, but I mean…” He shrugged, that dumb smile on his face as he shrugged, “Listen, it is what it is, you and I both assumed he wouldn’t care, clearly. And it was a shit move. The most you can do is just let it go and move on, I’m assuming he told you about what he told me?”

You nodded, setting down the tapestry coffee table as you hummed, “Yeah he told me, and it’s not like I could be mad at him, he’s struggling, with a lot internally and I think once he works through it, things will be okay. But it’s just going to be a work in progress until then.” You could distinctly remember Jungkook’s anger, the way he seemed frustrated with himself. 

It was going to be a process, “Besides...It seems like Jungkook isn’t the only one who hasn’t told everyone everything either...and I really hope you both know that it’s okay to have some things stay private.”

Jimin said nothing, only looking down at his hand that he flexed his fingers out from, wiggling them a little and his expression seemed downcast, “...I used to wanna have kids,” You glanced at him in surprise, not at his words, but you didn’t think Jimin would want to talk about it, it was something very personal to him clearly and he owned you nothing, “Me and my girlfriend used to talk about it all the time.” 

His lips flickered into a small smile as he looked down at his hand, as if remenscising a memory you’d never know about, “She said she always loved baby smiles and loved little kids sitting down with her, she used to work at a daycare- so I thought, why the hell not?” Jimin’s tiny smile began to melt off her face, “She thought it was her- that was infertile. But I got tested too with her, she just so happened to get her results back faster.” 

Jimin’s face became void as he lowered his hand down, “It was late that night and she had offered to stay past her shift because they were low staffed that night but I never got to see her again, a drunk driver clipped the back side of her car and flipped it.” 

Your lips quivered a little into a frown as you folded your hands, Jimin’s lips twitched into a bitter smile, “I got my results that morning.” You could see swirls of lingering mourning and rage inside his eyes, it was very similar to not only Jungkook, but Rosé’s as well. They all had things they were struggling with and it made your heart hurt for them, “God is one cruel motherfucker.” 

“I’m sorry…” You mumbled softly, your hands folded into your lap, wanting to give him a hug because you knew anybody in Jimin’s position probably needed one, but you also knew, this was a bad time, and that it wouldn’t be appropriate given everything that had happened up until this point, “I know that doesn’t change things for you. But, I do hope you find happiness.” You offered a tiny smile. 

Jimin sighed as he stretched out, shrugging loosely, trying to play it off like he didn’t care anymore but he above all else should know it wouldn’t slip past your eyes the way he was still sore about it, and he had every right to be, “It’s been years now,” He deflated, “I spiralled out of control after that, and eventually I stumbled across Cherry Bomb.” Jimin’s lips curved a little at the memory, “I was drunk and I wasn’t sure if I was just hallucinating or if it was Yeji on stage. It wasn’t,” He clarified before snorting, something oddly melancholy in his eyes as he muttered, “It was Rosé,” His lips curled into a semi ironic smile and his brows furrowed as if only slightly amused, “They don’t even look close to alike. And I remember seeing her in class the next day before realizing she was a stripper and she just begged me to not tell anyone.” 

Jimin heaved a breath as he stretched out before sitting up, “But I didn’t wanna tell anyone, I wanted to be up on stage. It sounds stupid but, that night I was drunk, I figured who’d care if I just left the world too?” His gaze lowered a little, “But my drunk stupid ass thought it was Yeji on that stage, and I cried at the bar the whole night before Yoongi eventually kicked me out at closing, and even if they looked nothing alike, even if it was just a desperate drunk delusion, when I saw Rose the next day, I saw hope. And so I asked her how I could start dancing because it was obvious I saw her for a reason.” 

You sniffled a little, wiping your eyes as Jimin did a double take, “it wasn’t that sad christ…” He looked a little awkward as you giggled, “And…” His gaze became sharp, “Don’t ever tell her any of what I just said. She’s my best friend and I love her but that’s not a conversation I’m ready to have with her- if ever.” 

“I’m not Jungkook,” You giggled as you wiped your eyes, “Of course it’ll stay between us- and maybe Jungkook too,” He groaned as you offered a small smile, “It just made me emotional, that’s all. I can’t relate, I don’t know what that feels like. But it makes me happy you and Rosé are so close.” 

“I am a lesbian,” You both jumped at Rosé who put her hands on the couch, a bright smile on her face as she answered pointedly, “I mean we already agreed to get married platonically if we’re both single by 30 but I draw the line with dicks. Unless it’s rubber it’s not getting near me.” You snorted as you began howling out laughing, Jimin looked a little flustered, not at her words but at her appearance before relaxing as he rolled his eyes. 

“So why all of these affectionate words? Did I do something?” Rosé smiled teasingly as she placed a hand on her chest waiting making you giggle as you shook your head while standing up, shrugging as she pouted, “Hey no fair! You can’t keep secrets from me!”

You offered a small smile as you replied, “Sometimes, the longer a secret is kept, the sweeter it is when they tell you.” Rosé waved her hands walking back to the hallway as you giggled. You were glad, if anything, that you had the chance to talk to Jimin and not only this, but for him to share such a personal thing with you. 

“Are you really okay? With everything going on I mean?” Hyerin frowned, she had texted you earlier in the morning asking if you’d be interested in getting drink’s together and of course, leave it to Jungkook and Yugyeom both for that matter to butt in. 

They were off in the distance playing pool, Hyerin said she wasn’t a fan of bars but when you offered a lounge she seemed excited as she had never been, it was a nice place, lowkey and quiet but good for a night out or even a place to study during the day. 

You both sat at the counter watching Jungkook and Yugyeom play against a few others here at the lounge, “Well, I have to be,” Your hands curled around your drink, not wanting to think about what had happened a few days earlier and it was difficult to keep up with just how many traumatising things had happened within a week, “For Jungkook’s sake...and…” You sighed softly, “It’s not like there’s anything that can be done for me right now. That’s just gonna take time…” 

“Awh, I understand. I just wish things hadn’t taken such a sharp turn, do you know when Cherry Bomb will open back up at least?’ Hyerin stirred her drink as she leaned back against the barstool, watching Yugyeom and Jungkook look like little boys triuphanting over their victory together.

“Monday, by the sound of it...But nobody is even sure if we’re gonna have a crowd, even with SSU starting that night. Regardless me and Jungkook are gonna stay busy with choreographing, he’s really excited about it.” Your lips tilted upwards a little bit at the memory of how much enthusiasm he had, you were happy to see him happy. It was just like him to be like that, “How have things been...at the dungeon with...you know...Shownu was it?” 

Hyerin snorted, taking a sip of her drink as she rolled her eyes, “Same old, same old, he causes shit, makes dom’s hate him and gets away with it.” She crumpled the paper her straw had been in as she flicked it against the countertop, “Honestly, Yugyeom wants to find a new dungeon, the drama just isn’t worth it. I’m glad you and Jungkook don’t go regularly.” 

You tilted your head as Hyerin offered a weak smile, “It’s hard enough keeping Yugyeom from beating the shit out of Shownu and getting us kicked out. Jungkook and Yugyeom together?” You let out a weak laughing, beginning to understand what she meant, “I mean they’d probably send him to the hospital…” 

“They would send him to the hospital,” You offered a weak smile, even without Yugyeom’s help Jungkook totally would, let alone with it? Hyerin was right, that was a bad mix even together, you hadn’t had the chance to talk to Yugyeom fully but you had the feeling, that despite being more relaxed then Jungkook was, he could get just as defensive as him, easily. Maybe even more so, “What is the reason Shownu is still allowed around anyways?” 

You both didn’t have the time to visit the dungeon much but you got the impression that if you did, you’d probably be a lot more involved in the drama given Jungkook’s inclination to always step in, “Ah…” Hyerin relented as she rubbed her neck, “Shownu is just good friends with a lot of the dungeon owners, and if you’re on good terms with them? You’re pretty much untouchable. I don’t know all the ends and outs but…” Hyerin frowned as she looked at her cup, “Word is that some of the girls have been disappearing at the dungeon and...Some of the dungeon owners might be involved...I don’t know. We haven’t been for the past week ever since we found out. Yugyeom wants things to clear up before we go back.” 

You shuddered at the idea, being a little to familiar with the feeling, you could understand Yugyeom’s concern, for anyone’s concern really, Jungkook would be, and is the same way, “Seems like trouble in paradise everywhere these days,” You sighed wistfully, even in the areas of your life you weren’t so involved it, were having trouble now. 

You just wanted things to become normal again, when they weren’t so tense and your only stresses were exams and being naked on stage. It seemed so...insignificant in comparison now. Things were the way they were, so you wouldn’t complain about them, and at the very least, you and Jungkook had each other and you’d make it through this. 

But still, it was hard to not wish for things to be easier again. When your life wasn’t put on the line as well as Jungkooks, which he hadn’t exactly clarified but...You couldn’t ignore your gut instinct that was telling you he was in just as dangerous of a position.

“Tell me about it,” Hyerin sighed before suddenly perking up with a thought, “Oh…! You know what,” She turned you, her smile a little shy now as she asked, “What if you came over and we hung out one night? I have tons of coloring sheets at my apartment and snacks too! Yugyeom is pretty strict about snacks but he’d totally be willing to let us have some if it was a get together!” 

Was she talking about- Oh...your face felt hot at the mention, feeling a little shy but you did like the idea, sounded like...a nice break from the harsh world you were constantly having to endure day in and day out, “Sure…! We could do it tomorrow night if you wanted? If you’re free of course!” 

Hyerin bounced in her seat in excitement, “That’s perfect! And bring as many stuffies as you want, I have a whole collection I want you to meet.” You both began giggling and Hyerin needed to shut up before she slipped and you could tell her excitement was getting the better of her. 

“Oh I know that look,” Yugyeom called out, him and Jungkook both finished with their game of pool, his smile soft at the sight of her excited bounce and wigglyness, “What are you two conspiring?” 

“Well!” Hyerin crossed her arms, looking away with a little bit of sass as she spoke proudly, “Me and Y/n are having a playdate tomorrow night and you both aren’t invited.” Your eyebrows lifted and your gaze darted away from Jungkook’s who looked both thoroughly amused and yet daring you to try and piggy back off Hyerin. 

“Oh?” Yugyeom raised his brows, somewhat amused, somewhat challenging, “And where am I supposed to stay? Our bedroom?” Hyerin’s lips parted a little before she hmphed, crossing her arms, “As long as you aren’t mean to her I don’t care.” 

“I won’t! Y/n is my friend!” Hyerin pouted a little, grabbing your arm defensively as you smiled shyly, your hands folded as Jungkook sat down next to you, pressing a kiss on your head. 

“As fun as it’s been these two need to be separated, look at them,” Jungkook snorted in amusement, his eyes dancing with affection as he tenderly stroked a hand through your hair as you curled up against his touch, “They’re gonna send each other small in excitement,” Jungkook, knowing you contained the urge to coo at you as he spoke, “What about me though? Hm? Am I excluded too?”

Your lips quivered into a pout as Jungkook smiled fondly, his hands squeezing your cheeks, “No…” You mumbled, your bottom lip jutting like a fish as his fingers pressed into your cheeks once more, the puppy expression on your face just too cute for Jungkook to resist tapping your nose, “You can be there.” 

“Oh thank you so much baby,” Jungkook whispered, unable to stop the soft coo that escaped him, your arms immediately latching around him in a hug, as you looked up at him with a bright shy smile, “You’re always so thoughtful of others huh?” He leaned down and pecked your forehead. 

“Okay yeah, I gotta take someone home,” Yugyeom sighed but he couldn’t keep the smile off his face at Hyerin now attached to him, he brushed his hand through his hair before snorting, “Well I guess I’ll see you tomorrow huh, no courtesy of you.” He pinched Hyerin’s side making her whine, “Come on sweetheart, let’s go.” Hyerin bounced a little as she hugged unto Yugyeom who only smiled. 

“We’ll see you tomorrow,” Jungkook waved them off before tutting, “You were gonna make plans and leave me out baby.” He said exasperatedly, a playful tone in his voice but you still shook your head. 

“No! That was Hyerin...I…!” You crossed your arms, a sulky glare on your face as Jungkook chuckled, “That wasn’t me!” You whined, leaning against Jungkook as he wrapped an arm around you, “She just thought it would be fun to get together and- and I just thought!” 

“Thought what?” Jungkook smiled boyishly as he raised his brows in amusement, “Thought what baby? Don’t leave me hanging.”

“Thought it’d be nice to just not have to deal with everything for the night,” You mumbled, feeling a bit shy to admit it. You had felt self conscious when it came to anything about age regression, things had gotten a little better since you had talked to Jungkook about it but you were still a bit shy and admittedly...being with someone like Hyerin, who did the same thing, it made you feel, not so self conscious. 

“Well you’re more than welcome to at any time now that we’re gonna be together all the time baby,” Jungkook clacked his tongue, a playful smile on his face as he pressed a kiss to your head once more, “Buy hey, it’ll be a good way to relax tomorrow because we’re working the rest of today and all of tomorrow on your dances since we go back Monday. We’re gonna be cramming baby.” 

You whined at his arm squeezing you making a flutter of giggles escape you, pressing your head against him as he affectionately pressed a kiss on top of your head once more, “Are you ready to go then baby? We got lots to do at the apartment.” You supposed, Jungkook was right, and admittedly, you were looking forward to working with him on it. 

“No….No...Baby come on, I know you can do better than this.” 

You stomped your foot as you turned to Jungkook who was laid out on the couch, though obviously not impressed with your choreography was clearly enjoying the show regardless, a boyish smile crossed his lips at the sight of your annoyed expression. 

“Instead of sitting there just staring at my ass why don’t you help if you don’t like it!?” You crossed your arms, a sulky pout on your face as he chuckled, sitting up before walking over to you, his arms on your shoulder as he pushed you back to the pole. 

“I am helping,” He whispered playfully in your ear as you felt your face go red, shoving him a little as he laughed, “I’m being the audience, and I can tell you the audience won’t care for it.” 

You groaned as you rolled your eyes, crossing your arms once more in frustration, “Then help me! What would look better oh sex dance master.” 

“I am the sex dance master,” Jungkook retorted with a chuckle, that stupid smile on his face as you puffed a childish breath, “And instead of starting out leaning on the pole like every other basic bitch, you should start laying down, and kick your feet up onto the pole.” 

“Did you just call me basic!?” You cried out, Jungkook only looked down at you, a smile still on his face as you groaned, grabbing your head as you looked up at him in disbelief. 

“Why don’t you lay down baby,” Jungkook redirected only more amused at your cry of frustration before complying, laying down on your back you set your feet up against the pole. Jungkook kneeled down as he nodded, “Mhm, and just…” He grabbed your wrists delicately, crossing them before he pulled them up over your head. 

Standing up he backed away a little, “Arch your back a little,” 

“I’m laying down.” You complained as you twisted your head to look up at him. 

“Arch your back.” Jungkook repeated more firmly, making you heave a sigh, uncomfortably curving your spine as best you could, “Now lift your chin a little,” You frowned before doing so, “Okay, okay, and...close your eyes and act sexy.” Your lips threatened to curve into a smile as you snorted, doing so, “That’s not sexy.” 

“I’m trying my best,” You opened your eyes, lips jutting a little as you glared up at him, “And this is my best.” Jungkook rolled his eyes, a smile tugging on his lips as he sat back down, “I’ve seen your best sweetheart, that’s not it. Now start the routine from there, do a few kicks or whatever you want from here before getting up.” 

Closing your eyes you sighed, trying to come up with something and the only thing you could think of however was letting one leg slide down the pole before slowly extending it back up, extending your other leg off the pole before walking them a little. Letting your feet lean to the left a little you lowered them to the floor before lifting your upper body up, looking at Jungkook who shrugged, tipping his soda can at you making you whine, “Bad?” 

His face scrunched a little and he hesitated for a second, “It’s not terrible...but you could do better. First move was nice, second was a little lacking and you know they think it’s cooler when you’re actually on the pole.” 

Laying back down you set your legs back on the pole, “So leg down is fine,” You lowered your leg to your chest once more, “extension is fine?” 

“That’s a good part,” Jungkook nodded, “Now do walk, walk,” You mirrored his words with your each little step, “Just two, then take your feet to the left and lift up. Don’t prolong it. Now lift your arms up and grab on with reverse.” 

You could strip yes, but...pole dancing….? It came with the trade but you still weren’t what one would consider your strong suit. Carefully you placed your hands in reverse grip, “Now pull yourself up.” This was easy! You pulled yourself, feeling triumphant, taking a few steps before adjusting your grip and doing a fan kick to the front. 

“There you go baby,” Jungkook nodded approvingly, his lips curled in that proud smile of his as he leaned back in his seat, “ You couldn’t help but feel shy at his words but continued with one more step before letting go of the pole, pressing your back against it as you slowly slid down to a pole sit, “My thighs are burning,” You whined, “You think I should do a button up for this?” You fiddled with pretend buttons before pushing yourself up. 

“I think,” Jungkook stood up, walking over before squeezing your chin, “You should do what you think is best, baby. I’m here to help not coach.” He whispered as you tried to push him away with a giggle as he pulled you back closer, “For what it’s worth I think you look pretty sexy no matter what.” 

“Stop! You whispered back feeling flustered and giggly pulling away from him as a closed mouth smile tugged on his lips, sitting back down on the couch his eyes were only slightly lidded but you could see what that meant from a mile away. 

“You know what baby? I think we might need to brush up on your lap dancing again,” Jungkook opened his arms, his thighs parting comfortably as he gestured you to his lap, your body immediately warmed as you whined a little, unable to deny him as you shuffled to stand in front of him, attempting to sit on his lap but his hand latched onto your hips stopping you, “Ah...what are you supposed to do before a lap dance baby?” 

You whined again as you shuffled in spot, Jungkook clicked his tongue, his hands tugging down your sweatpants to reveal your panties, you had anticipated getting laid today leaving you in a plain cotton underwear making you semi shy, Jungkook wasn’t having it though as he tugged you onto his lap, “Stop whining,” he whispered in your ear, his hands gripping your thighs before making their way to your ass, “And start making me feel good baby, show me how you do it.” 

You couldn’t resist pressing your face into his neck as your hips began circling against him, you could feel his cock beginning to stir as he let out a soft moan. 

His grip softening on your ass and his hands guided them ever so slightly, your clit beginning to rub just the right way on his jeans making you whine, “Mmph…! Jungkook!” Your hips becoming more desperate as you began grinding on him harder as your clit throbbed pathetically. His hands patiently guided your hips as he suckled tenderly on your neck. 

“That’s it baby, get those panties nice and messy for me.” He moaned softly, his hands squishing the cheeks of your ass in appreciation as you continued to grind against the the growing bulge in his pants, burying your face further into his shoulder as you whined.

“You’re not supposed to touch me during a lap dance…!” This wasn’t fair! Jungkook only squeezed your ass even harder making you jump a little as you were suddenly jostled onto the couch.

“You call that a lap dance baby? I’ve seen you do better.” Jungkook clicked his tongue as confusion washed over you as to what he was doing before you squeaked at one leg being straddled over him, your hands grabbing his stomach for some sort of support but that clearly wasn’t what Jungkook was aiming for, he carelessly pushed your back making you collapse down grabbing his thighs. 

Your face like it was burning at the realization of what position you were in, “...Jungkook!” You whined trying to pathetically crawl away from how close his face was to your throbbing cunt. It was expected for him to forcibly pull you back, a hand slamming against your ass making you squirm with a whimper, “Don’t wanna hear one word about it sweet heart, you know what I want you to do?” Jungkook’s voice dripped patronizingly, “I want you to suck that cock and if you do a good job maybe I’ll give this little cunt a good reward.” 

His hands left no room for debate as you whimpered at the feeling of your panties sticking to your cunt, your hands fumbled with the hem of his sweats before pushing them down along the Calvin Klein’s he was sporting today. His cock bounced in search of you as your lips quivered a little, sure you had slept together too many times to count now but...it didn’t ever make it less intimidating to blow him, especially in a compromising position such as this.

Sucking it up though you positioned yourself onto your forearms before giving a small lick to his irritated tip that was already beginning to dribble with precum, “Don’t you fuckin’ tease baby. That’s not what I asked.” Jungkook growled, his hips lifting a little in chase of your tongue and you couldn’t stop the little giggle that escaped you as you gave another kitten lick to his tip once more. 

Jungkook’s teeth gritted before you squeaked at the feeling of your panties being ripped off at the sides, “Jungkook…! Those were expensive!” Sure they were loungewear but that didn’t make them any cheater!  Jungkook ignored your whine though as you whimpered at his tongue suddenly pressing onto your sensitive little bud, a gasp escaping you as you lowered gaze despite not even being able to look at him, “Mmph…! Jungkook…” you mumbled, your cheeks burning and your hips unable to resist rocking against his tongue as your eyes squeezed shut.

A hand harshly striked the cheek of your ass making you jump as you whimpered, Jungkook’s tongue immediately being removed from your clit, “Suck, suck it you little cockslut, make that mouth useful baby.” Not wanting to prolong any sort of punishment you did as told, positioning yourself as best you could before taking his tip inside your mouth, suckling along his head tender before slowly bobbing your head to take him further.

Jungkook’s hands softened against your hips and you heard a low moan from him before his tongue rewardingly met your clit again, the notion had your thighs squeezing against his head and another whine vibrating against his cock as your head began to bob faster around his cock before you pulled off him to take a deep shaky breath at his persistence in suckling your clit.

Jungkook’s hands guiding your ass to ride against his tongue as your eyes squeezed shut tightly, “Mm! Jungkook…!” It was hard to focus on any sort of task when he was putting you through this, his hands squeezed warningly immediately putting you back to work.

Your hand wrapped around the base of his cock before lightly tugging it, your tongue dragging on the sensitive underside of his shaft. 

A hiss escaped Jungkook’s and his impatience attempting to get the better of him as his hands squeezed your ass before his mouth attached back to your clit, suckling and pressing his tongue down against it, flicking it rapidly making it difficult for you to do anything escape whimper against his cock as you attempted to keep the same energy for him. 

Squeezing a little on his base you took his tip back inside your mouth before bobbing your head as your legs trembled from the force of his tongue roughly playing with your clit, a hand smacking your ass making you jump but your hips were forced to stay in place with no choice but to take it as your eyes began to water. 

Taking his cock further into your mouth intending to go all the way until it hit the back of your throat, you could feel the pleased expression from Jungkook due to his moans of contentment on your cunt, his hands soothingly rubbing your thighs in coax to keep going for him. Wanting to please you hurriedly took a deep breath before slowly sinking further down his cock, your throat immediately stinging unpleasantly and your eyes watering as you heard low moans and long sigh of contentment from Jungkook, “Mmm, what a good girl, so good baby, keep going, keep sucking that cock.” His lips parted, dragging his tongue back to your clit making you gag on his cock as you whined, backing your hips further against his face in desperation. 

You bobbed your head sloppier at the feeling of his tongue delicately flicking your clit before he wrapped his lips around the tiny bud, something about the sensation sending you feral as the orgasm suddenly lit through your veins making you gag and whimper as your body squirmed against him. 

Jungkook’s hips lifted a little at the feeling of your mouth wrapped so tight around him, “Ah fuck! Such a good little slut for me baby, fuuck.” Jungkook let his head rest back on the couch as he sighed contently, his hands soothingly squeezing your ass cheeks as his lips parted a little, “Shit, shit baby! Mmm.” Your throat was painfully stinging and salvia was pooling down your chin before you pulled off him briefly to take a deep breath, “Such a good girl baby,” Jungkook cooed coaxingly, “C’mon baby, ride that cock for me, wanna watch you go dumb on my dick.” 

You whined a little, wiping your face with your arm before you carefully further down the couch, Jungkook’s hands guiding your hips to stop just at his cock which was bobbing in seek of friction. Your walls felt empty clenching around nothing and you wasted no time changing that. 

Sinking down on his tip you closed your eyes as a shallow moan escaped you, the feeling of his thick shaft splitting you open as you began bouncing on top of him. 

“Fuck baby, what a nice little wet cunt, keep going sweetheart, keep fucking going.” Jungkook inhaled through his teeth, trying to compose himself from wildly slamming himself into you like he wanted too, “Faster baby, I know you can take it.” You whine, lowering onto your forearms for more leverage as your hips started bouncing faster, your walls clenching around him harshly and his tip hitting all the right spots inside you as you whined with a shaky breath, sinking all the way down on him slowly before wiggling your hips. 

This notion made something inside Jungkook twitch before he growled impatiently, his tip nearing an angry bright red as he pulled out of you making you jolt a little as you shifted, being broken out of trance as you whined, “Jungkook…!” He wasn’t having any of it though, sitting up he shoved you further down onto the couch making you whimper as he yanked your hips up. 

“I know my little baby was having her fun but do you feel this?” Jungkook situated himself on his knee’s, your cunt presented to him as he slapped his cock against it as your lips quivered, “That’s your fault babydoll.” You didn’t even have a chance to defend yourself before the head of his cock pushed inside you once more only this time being at his complete mercy before Jungkook took liberty and slammed into you.

Your body was being jolted and your hands were hanging onto the couch arm for dear life as you cried out, “Ah! Fuck, fuck, Jungkook…!” You whined at the force his hips were slamming into you at, Jungkook was having none of it though, reaching out as he grabbed a fist full on your hair yanking it as his balls slapped against your skin hard enough to make you weak in the legs. 

“Don’t wanna hear a single word from you baby, you’re gonna be my little fucking cum dump yeah?” Jungkook’s breath was hot against your neck as his cock pushed before inside you, staying nice and snug in your cunt as he roughly thrusted harder into you making your body jostle with every motion. 

Just the thought had your walls squeezing around him as he moaned, “That’s right baby, you want this tiny cunt to be used to take all my cum? My little cumslut.” Jungkook’s jaw clenched at how loud you were beginning to moan, your body withering and shaking which was only giving him more motivation to keep going, his hips slamming harder and harder as your thighs trembled and had a harder time staying up.

“Go on baby, cum all of this cock, I can feel this little cunt wanting it, cum.” Jungkook nearly barked out with a growl, his cheating pressing against your back now, letting go of your hair in trade of your throat as he squeezed it tight making a breathy moan escape you, your vision nearly blacking out at how hard you abruptly came again, not even registering how loud you were moaning and whining beneath him. 

Jungkook pressed his forehead against your shoulder blades as he swore with gritted teeth, his hips burying inside you as he let himself go, hot substance shooting up inside you as he moaned softly, swiveling his hips a little to ride out his orgasm as he buried his face into your neck, “Fuck baby, feels so good.” He mumbled with a rasp as he pecked a kiss on your neck. 

Your body was rapidly trembling and you could hardly even speak as you melted into the couch trying to wrap your brain around how hard you just got railed.

Jungkook happily nuzzled into your neck, a small smile on his face as he began pressing kisses into your neck, “Love my baby so much, you did such a good job.” His hands rubbed against your waist approvingly making you wiggle a little, a tiny smile on your lips as you mumbled, “Were you mad at me…?” 

Jungkook’s nose nudged the crook of your neck against as he shifted a little to lay on top of you, his cock slipping from you making your legs twitch a little as he pressed another kiss on the back of your neck this time, “No? Jus’ wanted to fuck you senseless,” You huffed as he chuckled a little, “You weren’t complaining baby, say it back.” He poked your side as you wiggled a little, “C’mon say it, I wanna hear you say it baby.” 

You whined a little before wiggling, managing to turn yourself over to lay on your back, “Love you too Koo.” Jungkook practically looked like he was glowing as he collapsed against your chest, tiny kisses being placed on your collar bones as you cocooned yourself against him, happily soaking in all of the attention.

Note: It’s been such a cute little break in the story guys!!! I hope you’re prepared for the final four chapters coming up soon because !!! things get a little intense!!

(Taglist CLOSED)

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[feverinfeveroutfic]

chapter twenty-four: showtime

“Alright, gentlemen,” Sam started with a rubbing of her hands; she glanced over at the three men on either side of her as if they were her students. She was ready to head on out to the castle: the first time she would be witnessing a show near a castle.

“Alright, what?” Dan asked her as he gave his feathery hair a little toss back with a flick of his head.

“It's nearly showtime, isn't it?” she pointed out.

��Within like a couple of hours, yeah,” Charlie replied: he had just woken up from his nap. He had already put on those notorious bright red shorts for the show, but he seemed to be in no hurry whatsoever. And as far as Sam and Marla knew, he would have to take a whole series of naps on this stint of their tour. At least the two of them and Belinda were headed home after this show: she couldn't hardly think about Charlie having a difficult time just to keep his eyes open for a whole flight over to the next stop, and then the next one. Nevertheless, Sam stood there in between the beds with her hands pressed to her hips as if she meant business with them.

She glanced over to either bed, to Charlie and Dan there on her right, and to Frank on the left: Joey had gone out somewhere, and yet he left his guitar behind.

Stormtroopers of Death all over again for her, except this time around they were in a genuine hotel room rather than the front seat of Charlie and Marla's car.

“Where'd Joey go, by the way?” she asked Frank.

“He left for a few minutes to play fetch for a few minutes,” he replied with a straight face.

“For a few minutes and also for a few minutes?” she retorted back to him.

“Yeah! At least that's how he told it to me.”

“Well,” she cleared her throat, “don't you guys wanna like—go to the castle and rehearse for a bit?”

“Bon Jovi's the headliners so—not yet,” Charlie croaked out, complete with a rub of his eyes.

“Well, if they're the headliners doesn't that mean they go on last?” Sam asked him, to which he hesitated for a second and he gazed up at the pale ceiling above them.

“Yeah, they do. Fuck.”

“It's alright. Because it's a couple of hours, we can walk over there.”

“Walk or skateboard?” Frank joked.

“You can skateboard, Frankie,” Sam told him off with a straight face. “We kind of need our lead singer, though.”

“We?” Charlie tried to hold back that bout of laughter but he wound up laughing so hard regardless of that fact.

“You kind of need your lead singer,” she corrected him.

The door swung open and Joey stumbled right into the room right then. He gave his long black curls a toss back from the side of his face and the side of his neck, and he showed Sam a little smile.

“Hey! There he is!” Frank proclaimed.

“Here I is—what's happening?” He strolled over to the bed closest to the window and he picked up his guitar from the floor.

“I just suggested to the boys here that you guys ought to head on over there,” she informed him.

“It's not for a couple of hours, though,” he pointed out as he crouched down onto the floor with the guitar cradled on his lap. He then poked his head up over the edge of the bed.

“You got that little bag in your purse still?” he asked her.

“No, I took it out of there when Marla and I got home a couple of weeks ago,” she said.

“Damn.”

“Besides, you don't need that shit, Joe,” Dan pointed out.

“It's just pot, Danny,” Joey insisted. “It ain't gonna kill me.”

“It was stinking up my purse, though,” Sam told him.

“It's good for inspiration, though,” he said.

“It's also taking a hit on your memory, too,” she added.

“Lemme play—lemme play!” he exclaimed.

“Okay, okay—don't be such a baby.”

“I ain't no baby,” he scoffed.

“I'm gonna check on Marla and Bel—and Aurora, too.”

“How's she doing by the way?” Charlie asked her.

“Who, Aurora?”

“Yeah.”

“Hung over like crazy earlier. Her and Emile both got drunk under the table last night—and I thought they were still drunk, too. Now my only hope is that they're good to go. If not, well—we'll see how things go with them and we'll see how Jon and Marsha both react to it. I'm especially worried about her because she's my best friend.”

“What about him?” Charlie tucked his hands underneath his head.

“He's my old landlord and I'm not paying him rent anymore—it's still worrying, though.” She paused for a second and then she recalled what had happened the day before.

“Does Alex know about those drawings?” she asked him in a low voice. “Like, who did them?”

Charlie lifted his head a bit and he glanced across the room to Joey crouched down on the floor. “He has seen them,” he replied, also in a low voice, “yeah he has—but I didn't see his reaction, though. The next time we see him, ask him what he thought about them. He's like me and Lars—he's really into art. I'm sure he liked all four of them.”

“You know where they're staying?” she asked him, to which he shook his head.

“Aurora probably knows but who knows how she's feeling right about now.”

“True.” Without another word, Sam left the room and headed on back across the hall: Marla ran a brush through her candy apple red hair right before the mirror on the wall. She lifted her gaze over to Sam and nodded her head at her: the light from the lamp behind her shone onto her hair so it looked as though she had a soft pink crown upon her head.

“How's Aurora doing?” Sam asked her as she stood in the doorway.

“Still out like a light,” Marla replied. “Bel's doing better, though.”

Indeed, Belinda, who had taken her spot there on the edge of the bed closest to the door, turned to Sam and showed her an exhausted smile.

“It's been a little difficult,” she confessed, “but it's been better, though.”

“Do you know where Testament is staying in?” Sam asked the two of them; Marla shook her head and Belinda shrugged.

“I only saw Alex and Greg the other night at dinner,” Belinda admitted, “haven't seen them since then.” She then smirked at her. “Why, you got a date with one of them?”

“I wanna know what Alex thought of those drawings I made for Anthrax,” Sam told her, “I also wanna know if he knows that I made them.”

“I'm sure they're around,” Marla assured her as she picked up her brush again and tossed her hair over her shoulder. Sam fetched up a sigh and turned her attention back to the corridor behind her. They had to be close by there in the hotel especially since Metallica also pitched in for dinner for them.

“God, I've never been so tired in my life,” Belinda groaned. “I'm better than I was before, but still.”

“I've been off kilter a little bit, too,” Marla consoled her. “Not as bad as that, but it's still nothing to sneeze at, though—”

Sam then doubled back into the corridor and she strode onto the front room for any signs of life. A few other guests congregated around that big heavy table but no signs of them. She headed outside to the porch and she hoped that a single walk about the place would give her a view into one of their rooms somewhere in there. But then again, the trees all along the one side of the building there kept her from doing anything more than that. She returned to the hotel and she walked past the table into that short nook back there.

A few more rooms, but each of them had their doors closed.

How five men had vanished into thin air in there in the hotel was beyond her. She stood there in the middle of the floor with one hand pressed to her hip and another hand upon brow in repose. How five men just disappeared in there.

She had no idea if they were even in those rooms; they could have been in the hotel down the street for all she knew. Thus she returned to her own room for another few moments, or at least until Belinda felt up to snuff on her part.

“No clue where those guys are,” Sam confessed to them.

“Well, shit.” Marla gave her bright red hair a little tousling over the shoulder, and then she put on some perfume in to go in junction with that black velvet camisole.

“You guys always look so rock n' roll,” Belinda groaned out from the bed. “Especially you, Sam—you got a pendant from Ronnie James Dio for god's sake. And a bracelet from Joey.”

“A bracelet Ronnie gave to Joey,” Marla corrected her.

“Hey, the very second I saw you in Bill's class I thought you were a total punk chick,” Sam assured her as Marla gave her a spritz of perfume on her wrists.

“Punk chicks come in all shapes and sizes,” Belinda pointed out. “Especially as Zelda will tell you.”

“Kudos to her, by the way,” Marla added as she put the cap back onto her perfume. “For watching Genie and the apartment.”

“And just kudos to her, too,” Sam chuckled.

A knock on the door caught their attention.

“Come on in,” Marla called out. Frank poked his head in there.

“You girls ready?”

“Born ready,” Sam told him, and Charlie laughed from right behind him. Belinda stood to her feet and the three of them headed out of the room. Frank and Charlie led them towards the front door, complete with that skateboard tucked underneath his arm.

“Joey and Danny already went over there,” the latter informed them once they stepped outside to the cool, crisp late afternoon: the overcast sky darkened into a rich royal blue with the setting sun behind them. It would be nightfall by the time Metallica and Anthrax took to the stage.

“Oh, I see—they don't want me to come along,” Sam jeered at that.

“They're guitar players,” Charlie assured her. “Joey's also the lead singer, too, so—they kinda have to be. None of us make the rules and one of us probably should've told you that but—it's water under the bridge at this point.”

Sam shook her head at that: the silver pendant Ronnie gave her clinked a bit with each and every step in the meantime. They crossed the street towards that treeline, which was then followed by the tent; beyond that stood the stage before the castle: the sounds of music caught her ear, and she wondered who had gone on right then. They reached the tent's doorway when Sam spotted Joey over in the corner where she and Ronnie had congregated the two days before.

“This way, Char—” Frank declared from behind her. A cloud of smoke emerged from that corner of the tent.

“Sounds like W.A.S.P already took to the stage?” Marla said aloud.

“No idea, to be honest,” Belinda confessed; she turned to Sam with those tired eyes. “We're gonna go check this out.”

She nodded in response and the two of them went ahead to the other side of the tent. Just so long as she got alone with Joey again.

She made her way over to him and the cloud of wispy haze that surrounded him. That rank smell coupled with something a little more fragrant. His eyes were closed part of the way all the while. He nodded at her and showed her a little smirk, but she gaped at him in concern.

“Joey, it's nearly showtime and you're baked out of your wits—”

“It's not out of my wits,” he insisted with his eyes still closed part of the way. “I just had a couple of puffs of smoke and that was it. Nuthin' more, nuthin' less than that.”

“Where did you get some?”

“Remember that lighter Frankie had?” he asked her.

“Vaguely.”

“Well, apparently, he still had a good deal of juice inside of it. So I asked Lars and then he gave me a couple of puffs and then he himself had a couple.”

“Lars had some pot on him?”

“Not a lot, mind you—but still enough to loosen me up.”

She frowned at him. It wasn't a drink, but he still had a hit of marijuana so soon before showtime

“Well, I worry about you screwing up, though,” she said, concerned, “especially on your own song, for chrissake.”

“I'll be fine,” he insisted.

“Fucked up—insecure—neurotic—and enigmatic,” she stated complete with a counting on her fingers.

“You mean emotional,” he pointed out.

“Whatever—well, at least you got it right. That tells me you're lucid.”

“Lucid? Loose is more like it.”

“Loose—like a loose pair of underwear.”

“Loose like a loose cannon is more like it,” she retorted back to him. She gazed down at those dark lips as they parted a bit for her. She hesitated for a second, and then she peered up at his brown eyes, those twin gaping dark holes as they gazed back at her from the hazy darkness behind him. She had to do something, something to get him back on track, even if it was just a little hit from a joint. She had nothing else to resolve it, except for the fact she had seen him naked, twice, and he always nudged her to be on display for the world to see—

She lunged for the sides of his neck and she moved her face into her own.

“C'mere, you,” she insisted.

“Whoa, what?”

“You're not going up on stage like that—no way, no how—” She pressed her lips onto his, firm and hard as if she meant it. She held his face back from her own and he looked at her in a gaze.

“Whoa. You really wanna go there, don't ya?”

She glanced around them.

“Not in here, though,” she said in a low voice and with a scowl still plastered on her face.

“But sounds good, though.”

He slung the guitar off of his shoulder and showed her his tongue. She gripped onto his hand and led him out of there; the last thing she heard as they left the tent was W.A.S.P leaving the stage on the other side of the tent. She forgot the exact lineup that evening, but she knew Anthrax were going on after Metallica.

She had to do this quick.

They headed out to the trees right as the sky darkened some more, that time into a rich violet color: the canopy overhead only added to the impending darkness.

“Where we going?” Joey chuckled.

“Right here—” She turned around and she pressed him back to the trunk of a tree. She pressed her lips onto his once again, complete with her hands tucked behind the back of his head: all through those soft ringlets near the nape of his neck. His deep chest pressed against her own. His slim belly as soft and silken as the very tongue she caressed against.

Metallica rang out through the dense dark trees that surrounded them. Joey dropped down a little more towards the bottom of the tree trunk just so Sam could put her arms around his slender little body. Her lips locked onto his and their tongues met one another in the middle: he tasted like that burnt end of the joint coupled with a bit of coffee. At least he wasn't drinking.

Jason's bass floated through the branches and Sam closed her eyes once she recognized its grinding thunder noise under Kirk and James' guitars. Lars thumped on his kick drum and everyone in the audience clapped along with him.

“How now brown cow,” James bellowed into the microphone. “I said, I said, I said'a—how now brown cow!”

Joey ran his hands down Sam's sides and onto her hips.

“Oh, fuck—if only we had a little more time,” he pled.

“You'd fuck?” she teased him.

“Just for a li'l quickie—but Metallica only got a short set on hand this time around.”

“So you gotta be back up there?”

“Yeah.” He then stood to his feet and ran his fingers through his black curls once more.

“Alright. But afterwards, we're picking up where we left off.”

“Of course, of course.” He flashed her a wink and the two of them returned up the pathway to the tent. Sam walked on to the side of the stage as Joey fetched the guitar and doubled back into the backstage for Frank, Dan, and Charlie. She rounded a corner and she recognized those five heads there at the side; beyond them was Metallica as they wrapped up the final song of their set. She skirted along the curtain and they turned their heads to her.

“Hey, there you guys are!” she declared.

“Yeah, we never left!” Eric joked, and Greg and Louie burst out laughing at that. Before she could say anything more, the audience behind them erupted into cheers for Metallica: James' long golden blond waves floated behind his head as he waved at everyone. Kirk and Jason gave everyone the sign of the horns while Lars blew Sam a kiss.

Like clockwork, Anthrax took to the stage: Charlie had tied up his hair into a tight ponytail behind his head while Joey had taken off his shirt, thus the flood lights shone onto his bare brown skin such that he resembled to a ghost.

“Hello, Britain!” Joey announced into the microphone head. “It's been a while.” He let out a long low whistle; even though the noise died down before him, a sound barrier began to form before Sam, such that she couldn't say anything more to the five men behind her; she turned around in time as Joey picked up that white flying V guitar and slung it over his shoulder, and took his black curls out from underneath the strap. “As you can tell we are officially a four piece now—but it's alright 'cause I got this guitar here courtesy of a guy you all might know, Dave Mustaine—”

Several people before him cheered at that.

“But anyway, we ain't messing around here, though,” he pointed out. “We're gonna have some fun tonight and while we're in Europe. Some new songs, some songs you may've heard of, some old ones, too! Fuck yeah, let's do this!”

He stepped back and ran his fingers through his black curls before he held onto the guitar neck and spread his legs apart. Frank led them into it with a rising bass line. The sound of Charlie's drums resembled to that of a gunshot. Frank gave his long lush dark hair a toss back with a jerk of his body and Joey mirrored him all the while. It was so strange seeing them perform as a quartet rather than as that five piece, but Sam stood there off to the side of the stage with Marla and Belinda with her eyes keen on the stage before them.

Charlie let out a short little drum solo before Joey picked up with the singing. He stood there with one leg forward and one leg back and his body stooped forward, and the guitar down by his thighs.

They had the sound to keep them apart from Metallica and even Testament, and Joey's voice was indicative of that.

“What is it!” Frank shouted into his own microphone.

“Caught in a mosh!” Joey followed up as though they were talking over each other.

They also had that sense of humor.

Sam peered out at the audience, at the mosh pit that formed out there in front of them. It went on for the entirety of the song no less.

“This song is definitive Anthrax if you ask me,” Joey declared into the microphone head. “Off our new album Among the Living. This is called 'A Skeleton in the Closet'!”

“This is a good song,” Chuck remarked.

“For real,” Sam replied back to him with a chuckle.

“Joey's a machine!” Marla declared over the roar of Frank's bass in junction with Charlie's thundering drums. Joey turned away from the audience so he could better receive feedback from his amp. His black curls obscured his face from Sam's view; she peered over her shoulder at the sight of the vast stretch of audience beyond the edge of the stage. Most of them were there to see Bon Jovi and Cinderella, but she could tell that most of them were in fact enthralled by the sight before them. Joey with his hair down in his face as he kept up the rhythm.

He was no solo artist like Dan, but he could play those powerful, grinding riffs. She kept her eyes fixated on his fingers down over the pick guard: he played like that and with his fingers to boot. Meanwhile, Dan's feathery hair fluttered and waved about on the crown of his head against the gentle cool breeze: he kept his gaze fixated on the strings underneath him and he let the solo out of the cage.

She thought of Alex right then: he stood somewhere back there and she knew he was feeling down and out about the sight before her. She peered over her shoulder at Chuck and Eric right there, and complete with looks of awe plastered upon their faces. She only saw the back of Alex's head but she knew that he was watching with a bit of that outsider feeling.

Much like their brothers in Metallica, they only played a short set before they cut things loose for Dio and then lastly Bon Jovi.

Joey took off the guitar and gave a big wave to everyone as they all gave him cheers. They were cheering for him. Sam ran her tongue along her lips as they all backed away from the side of the stage so as to give them room. Everything was dark, and yet Joey's silhouette and that upstate accent proved to be enough for her. She followed him back towards the tent while the boys from Testament were laughing about something.

“Back here, Sam—” he coaxed her. She followed him off the stage and towards the tent, which was lit up by the mere flicker of a hurricane lantern outside of the doors.

“Wait, Joey—don't you wanna see Ronnie go on?” she called after him. Using only the ambient light from the castle and from the stage lights, she followed him towards the trees; but he never replied to her as they returned to the same exact spot there in the bushes. He then stopped and turned around, which in turn made her stop right in her tracks. They were only a few feet away from the street and the sidewalk, but that particular spot in the trees kept them away from any prying eyes in their direction.

“So, hey, you wanna do that again?” he offered her.

“Why, you think you can do that again?” she teased back at him.

“Well—'cause Cliff touched you but he never went any further than that, though,” he pointed out.

“Besides, you didn't answer my question, either,” she told him. “Don't you wanna see Ronnie and his band?”

“We can listen,” he replied as he extended his arms to her once again. He brought his chest in closer to her and he bowed his head for her again: she pressed her lips onto his. Unlike the first time, he didn't taste like a joint anymore, but rather like salt dissolved in fresh water. He hadn't broken out a sweat on his brow, but he had exorcised some of that adrenaline out through his body like the work of a wizard. He had even more adrenaline now courtesy of being up on a stage before some several thousand people all the while.

She wasn't the one performing and yet her heart hammered away inside of her chest as well.

His rough hands ran up her back towards the hooks on her bra. They were going to do it right there out in the wilderness, out in the open, out there for all the world to see. And yet they had no one else around them. Her bra loosened and the straps slid down her shoulders a bit.

She gasped at the feeling of his lips against her neck and her collar bones. She could feel his fingers wedged right in between her legs. She shuddered at the feeling, such that he stopped right in place.

“What's wrong?” he asked her in a hushed voice.

“I can't,” she confessed.

“It's okay—I got you covered. I'll walk you right through this. I promise—just follow my lead.”

She then gasped and pulled away from his lips.

“What's the matter?” he asked her.

“I just realized why my mom likes you so much,” she whispered to him.

“What's that?”

“You're like my dad,” she said, to which he stopped what he was doing to her.

“I—I am?”

“Well, you have similar traits as my dad,” she corrected herself. “Between your protection towards me and your dark hair—it makes sense. You remind her of my dad. But then again, that's just a guess. I don't know exactly why she likes you as much as she does. I have to ask her.”

“Next time you and I see her, you gotta,” he insisted.

“Well, duh.” She scoffed and rolled her eyes at him, and he chuckled at that. He leaned in for another kiss on the lips, one that had a little more power to it that time around. She ran her hands up his back towards the base of his head and those especially soft black ringlets under the bulk of his hair. Even if her mother had a thing for him, she had to make her claim on him. Joey was hers now, there in the trees as Ronnie crooned out to the black sky overhead.

She let go of his lips and she looked right into his serene face, and those closed eyes, now soft and smooth. His skin looked much healthier and more radiant than before. Playing guitar had saved him.

Something moved from the corner of her eye. She glanced over and she spotted Alex right there at the sidewalk with a wounded look on his face: the plume of silver over his brow shone under the ambient light from the castle. She gaped at him, but then he bowed away from there and into the darkness.

Sam returned to Joey and the placid look on his face, just in time for his eyes to open up for her once again.

“You done?” he challenged her, to which she shook her head at him. She brought her lips back for another round with him, but she couldn't hardly shake the look on his face. There was something there with Alex that he wasn't telling her. She had too many questions now as Joey kissed the side of her neck and ran his fingers through her dark hair.

“You seem uncomfortable,” he confessed right into her ear.

“I'm not,” she assured him. “I promise—I'm not.” He moved his head a bit so he could have a better look right into her face.

“You just seem a little bit more tense than normal.”

“It's okay,” she said in a broken voice, “it's okay—I'm just—not used to—doing this outside.”

“Oh, I see—it's alright. It's just us here. Although—the ground is a little bit soggy. Think sump'n bit me, too.”

“Something bit you?”

“Yeah, right on the ass.”

“Sure that was an insect and not my own fingers?” She pinched him right then which in turn made him gasp. Some voices caught her attention.

“I hear people comin', too,” he said.

“I do, too.” He pouted his bottom lip for a few seconds and then he gave his black curls a little flick back with a movement of his head.

“Let's go catch Ronnie, shall we?” he offered her.

“We shall.”

[kpoptrashibnida]

Enchanted Pt. 1

A/N: So I am a total liar because I said I was going to do a Taehyung One Shot, but I am not. I don’t think I was meant for the One Shot lifestyle. I think my problems stems with having too many details in my work :( but I hope that you guys enjoy the beginning of this Tae mini series. I am going to try and stick to 3 to 4 parts, but we shall see. Happy reading! And as always, constructive criticism is always welcome/appreciated!

Moving to South Korea on your own seemed like a good choice at some point. Especially since you came to live with a boyfriend you made online and he promised you a wonderful life in an exciting country. Of course you were too naive to see what was really happening even though your friends and family tried talking you out of it the whole time, up to the day you were due to leave for Incheon.  

It was a big surprise to you when you arrived at the airport and he wouldn’t answer your texts. You figured he was stuck in traffic or on his way and didn’t want to text while driving, which is a good thing. But after waiting at the pickup curb for half an hour with still no answer, you started to worry. What if he got in an accident? Is he okay? He couldn’t have forgotten that you were arriving today because you sent him a screenshot of your flight info. Deciding that you had enough, you finally decide to call him. 

We are sorry, the number you have dialed is disconnected or no longer in service. Goodbye. 

“What the heck?” You whisper to yourself. You try it one more time and get the same message, your heart sinking. Is he ignoring you right now? Why isn’t he picking up? You log into your instagram to message him and your stomach twists in knots when you realize he blocked you. Your chat was no longer available and when you looked him up by username nothing came up. Tears welled up in your eyes at the realization that he was not coming for you and he just completely ghosted you. How could he do such a thing? Why would he promise to live his life with you and have you come out to a foreign country where you only know him just to abandon you? Did he mean it when he said he loved you? Or was it all just a game for him? 

Deciding that wallowing in self pity at the airport surrounded by strangers was not something you were about to do, you wipe away the stray tears and get to work.

‘This is why we came with a plan.’ You say to yourself, glad that you didn’t just come without a proper plan in place and blind trust on that bastard you once called your boyfriend. 

You looked up a hostel near the airport that was accessible by bus and started on your new journey. Thankfully the public transportation in Korea is amazing and you didn’t have to wait long to get on the bus. Once there, you made sure you kept your ears open for the name of your stop, grateful that you were smart enough to learn some basic Korean so you can get around without a problem. 

Taking a deep breath you try not to let your pain crush you and you manage to keep your tears at bay. Even though things are not going the way you planned, that was not going to ruin your plans to live in this country. You are going to make it work and show that bastard that you don’t need him.

****3 months later****

“Hey do you think you can cover my closing shift tomorrow? I have to go wedding dress shopping with my sister.” Minyoung, my coworker asked.

“Yeah that’s fine.” You say with a smile. Any extra income is welcomed especially because rent is almost due and you’re short. 

Working at the cafe part time makes you just enough for your rent, but it’s still not enough. The cafe is close by some entertainment agencies and it’s always filled with crazy hopeful fans and on rare occasions, the idols themselves. It was hard to know sometimes because most of the time they were wearing face masks, but on rare occasions they came in without one. You weren’t particularly a big fan of any of these artists but you could say that they were very talented. Minyoung was your closest coworker and she was extremely obsessed with them. She would listen to their music all the time and talk about them non-stop. It was endearing but you were lost half of the time. She tried getting you into it but you were busy with work and your side job as an English tutor, that you didn’t really have a lot of extra time available. Binge watching music videos and tv performances is a luxury you couldn’t quite afford. 

Your English tutoring was what made it possible for you to survive without having to eat ramen all day every day. It was great because that way, you didn’t have to call your family and ask them for help. Your parents were no longer angry with you, but they were concerned. You assured them that you were fine and everything was under control, even though they didn’t know that you were actually ditched the second you arrived in the country. You were going to tell them, but you wanted to wait and make it seem like you broke up later on. 

Now, however, you were struggling to make ends meet because the family you tutor for left for a two month vacation and you were out of that extra income for that time. So you were more than willing to cover as many shifts as possible, even if it wasn’t the same as your tutoring job. What mattered was that your bills were paid on time, even if you had to eat ramen with Kimchi every day. 

You sighed a breath of relief when it was finally time for you to clock out for the day. Your back and feet were so sore, the thought of a hot shower excited your tired limbs. You bid goodbye to your coworkers as you grabbed your purse and left the building. You saw a huge black van park in front of the cafe and you felt grateful that you were off and didn’t have to help the huge group that was coming in. It looked like the type of vans that idols use, but it could also be a school group or even a church group. Regardless, you were glad it wasn’t your problem and you can go home to relax. Besides, who gets coffee this late? The cafe was practically empty now. 

Your apartment was close to the coffee shop therefore your commute was short. You lived in an older building but the rent was low and your landlord was nice. She was a sweet old lady that helped you out and didn’t treat you differently just because you were a foreigner. She checks up on you a lot and gives you some banchan from time to time, which you always appreciate because her cooking is amazing. 

You take your shoes off as soon as you enter your apartment and sigh at the mess you left in the kitchen this morning before going to work. You woke up late and in a rush to eat some breakfast and make some coffee, so it looked like a tornado passed by your kitchen. You were extremely exhausted and decided that the kitchen could wait until after a nice hot shower and maybe some fried chicken from the place down the street.

After your much needed shower and a clean kitchen, you were able to enjoy your fried chicken while watching some TV. You didn’t watch a lot of Korean TV, mainly sticking to streaming apps like Netflix. But you did enjoy watching the music shows from time to time and tonight was some kind of comeback stage. You watched as the myriad of girls screamed on the TV screen and rolled your eyes at the noise, extremely amused at how they idolized these people. You had to admit that these artists were all gorgeous- men and women, although you knew that the makeup was attributed to it as well. You never knew that men could be cute and sexy at the same time. These pop idols were not afraid to rock some femininity but still managed to look manly and sexy all in one. It was something completely different than what you see back home, but you were not complaining. Before you knew it, exhaustion crept over you and pulled you under without warning. 

*

The second you walked into the cafe you could feel a buzz of energy in the atmosphere that was a little too much for you at such an early hour. 

“What’s going on?” You ask Minuk, taking in the giddy whispers of some of the female staff.

“They’re losing their minds because BTS came in yesterday to get some coffee and they are practically drooling.” He grumbles, rolling his eyes at the ridiculous situation.

“They would.” You shake your head, knowing that Minyoung is going to cry the second she hears that BTS was here after she had gone home.

“When did they come?” You ask the group of giddy girls.

“Literally like a minute after you left yesterday! If only you had stayed a little longer.” Bora answers, she was the one who worked the evening shift with you yesterday and she stayed to close the shop.

“It was so amazing. They’re all so nice and down to earth.” She swooned, tying her apron around her waist.

You chuckle at her dreamy expression, thoroughly amused at the whole situation. BTS are a very popular group so it makes sense that they came to get coffee once the place was empty and they had a low chance of getting mauled by crazy fans. You had to admit that they are very talented and passionate about what they do. Since Minyoung is a huge fan of theirs, she would force you to listen to their music and stream any music video that they would release. You would oblige but you haven’t gotten too into KPOP. While you enjoyed listening to it over the speakers at the cafe, the grocery stores and basically anywhere you went, you weren’t a hardcore fan by any means. You were still trying to get fully settled in this country and your priorities were different right now. Perhaps in the future it’s something that you can get more into. 

The day went by in a rush and you were surprised at how tired you felt once you finally sat down to have your lunch. Well, it was more like dinner because you were all so busy that getting a break was almost impossible. Today was the first day of the holiday drinks and it seems like all of Seoul was anticipating this day because the incessant line of customers just died down five minutes ago. You were closing for Minyoung today and you were working the closing shift with Dara. she insisted you take a break to eat something before she headed home for the night. You were very thankful because you were starving and your feet ached. 

“Okay I’m all done.” You say, coming back from the back room. 

“Did you chew your kimbap at all?” She teased, noticing that your break was way too short.

“It’s fine.” You waved her off, you much preferred to get your cleaning tasks out of the way to make closing easier. 

“You know what I noticed? Since it was busy all day no one ground the coffee beans for tomorrow’s opening shift. I’m going to do that right now before I leave. It should take me about twenty minutes.” She informs you.

“Oh gosh, yes please. We cannot leave without doing that first. Are you sure you want to stay and do it? Your shift is basically over.” You say, not wanting to keep her here unnecessarily. 

“Of course. Besides, it's dead right now and I doubt anyone is going to come in within the next twenty minutes.” She brushes you off and heads to the back where the coffee grinder is. 

Thankful for the help, you decide that you should start on your cleaning tasks so you can get out of here soon too. You were concentrating on trying to get a stubborn stain off a table that you were startled when you heard the door’s bell jingle, signaling someone coming into the cafe.

“Welcome.” You quickly greet, bowing at the customer. 

“Are you still open?” The deep voice asks, his eyes looking at you intently.

“Yes we are, no worries.” You say, quickly walking back to the register. “What can I get for you?” You ask, taking in the customer’s appearance. He is wearing a black cotton face mask so you can’t see his face that well. 

“I’ll have a medium hot chocolate.” He says, looking right at you.

You type the order in the POS system and try not to turn red under the strangers gaze. You are a foreigner after all and you should really be used to the stares by now. One thing is seeing a foreigner on vacation, another thing is seeing them working and living here. 

“Okay, anything else?” You ask, briefly glancing up to look at him.

“Just that.” He answers, shaking his head lightly. 

“Is it for here or to go?” You ask as you run his card for his total.

“Here.” He says and you quickly look up at him. He just stares back at you and you quickly look back down, the heat now spreading all over your face. It wasn’t very often that people would have their drinks in the cafe this close to closing time, but you couldn’t complain. You informed him that you would bring his drink to his table and he thanked you in that deep voice of his.

You quickly got to making his drink and you carefully took it to his table. As you approached, you could see that he removed his face mask and it was dangling from one of his ears. You were curious to see if his face was as attractive as his voice. The moment you were in front of his table, your breath hitched in your throat. He was very handsome, his smooth skin looking beautiful under the cafe lighting; his hair was fluffy and it looked so soft, making you want to touch it.

“Here you go.” You say with a smile, carefully placing the mug in front of him.

“Thank you.” He says, looking right at your face. You held eye contact for about two seconds but inevitably looked away and walked back to the barista station, deciding that it was the perfect time to clean the area. 

You kept glancing back to the table where the guy was and noticed that he would be looking in your general direction and that made you nervous. You hated being watched as you did your job, but he was the only person here.

“Hey, I’m all done with the coffee, I’m going to head out.” Dara says, coming from the back and breaking you from your inner freakout.

“Okay, thank you so much for that.” You thank her, glad that your workload has lessened.

“Oh, I didn’t hear the customer come in.” She says, barely noticing the man sitting at the table. “Oh my gosh.” She suddenly whispered, her eyes as wide as saucers.

“What?” You ask, looking back at the customer and noticed he looked away the second you looked his way.

Dara quickly pulled you to the back, away from his sight.

“That’s Taehyung from BTS!” She whisper-shouted, her body trembling slightly out of excitement.

“Oh. No wonder he looked kind of familiar.” You shrug, his ridiculously good looks now making sense. 

“How can you be so passive about this? He’s BTS’s Taehyung!” Dara shakes you slightly, making you laugh at her excitement.

“He’s just a human being.” You reply, rolling your eyes.

You walk back out to the front of the cafe and almost jump back when you see that Taehyung is no longer sitting down but standing right at the counter. Dara eyes you nervously but says her goodbyes, leaving you alone with Taehyung.

“Sorry about that wait. Is there anything else I can help you with?” You ask, your customer service voice on.

“No that’s all, I just didn't want to leave the mug on the table.” He explains, smiling at you. 

“Oh, you didn’t have to do that. Thank you.” You say, bowing slightly and picking up his mug.

He stood there watching you place the mug in the sink, making you feel self conscious about your actions. You slowly turn to look at him, his soft eyes watching your every move. He held eye contact with you for what felt like an eternity but was probably about five seconds. Before you could break eye contact or say anything, he gave you a cute boxy smile, your heart beating irregularly at the sight. 

“Have a good night.” He finally said and bowed, before turning around and heading out.

“..Um, uhhh, yeah you too.” You mumble, watching his figure walk out to a car that was parked across the street. 

You shook your head and tried to forget the odd encounter, focusing now on locking the door and making this place sparkly clean for the morning shift… which you are working. 

By the time you made it to your front door you were practically dragging your feet, exhaustion wracking your whole body. You went straight to the shower and then straight to bed, too tired to even feel hungry.

*

“You freaking bitch, tell me all about it!” Minyoung screeched the second she walked through the doors of the cafe, which thankfully was empty at the moment. 

“Will you keep it down?” You chastise, worried that customers are going to be coming in while she is screaming and cursing. 

“Dara texted me last night and said that Kim Taehyung, THE Kim Taehyung was here last night! Is that true?” She questions you, wanting all the details. She is a hardcore BTS fan after all. 

“Yes, I didn’t realize who it was until Dara told me.” You tell her, rolling your eyes at her whines about how she can’t believe that you didn’t recognize someone as amazing and handsome and Taehyung.

“Okay but all that aside, I do want to ask you something.” She says after the first wave of customers finally leave. 

“What’s that?” You ask, scared of what she might come up with. 

“Want to come to a BTS concert with me? My friend and I bought tickets a while ago but she can’t go anymore. If you’re interested, you can have her ticket. You haven’t been to a kpop concert yet and it’s a great experience you should have.” She tried to convince you.

A concert sounded like a lot of fun, especially since you haven’t done many fun things since you arrived in Korea. Minyoung is the first friend you made and you haven’t been able to spend much time with her outside of work because you’re always so busy and you need some distraction. 

“Okay, I guess I’ll go.” You give in, smiling at her excited jumping. She promised that you would have a great time and not regret it, which you hope was right. 

*

It was the day of the concert and you were excited to go with Minyoung, even though she was literally going crazy with excitement. She coordinated your outfits in case you got to meet the boys; which you knew was almost impossible but you let her be with her wishful thinking. You felt comfortable and confident in your all-black ensemble, your cute skirt and top giving you a confidence you have not felt in a while, ever since your ‘boyfriend’ ditched you the second you got to this country.

This concert was unlike anything you have experienced back home and you were feeding off people’s energy. Everyone in the stadium was excited and you could feel it in the air and it was contagious. You laughed at the way everyone screamed at the top of their lungs the second the stage started to rise, indicating the start of the concert. The noise was deafening, especially since you had tickets in the pit, right below the stage. Words couldn't describe what you felt throughout the concert. These guys were not just excellent artists, they were amazing performers. The energy they radiated was incredible and you soon found yourself screaming along with the thousands of fans. You were familiar with BTS and knew the name of the different members so it was easy to follow along with the fan chants. There came a point in the concert where the members went to different parts of the stage and they were singing, dancing, being silly and waving at the fans and the cameras. You immediately recognized the member that went to your side of the pit, since he was just at the coffee shop not that long ago. Minyoung was next to you, singing at the top of her lungs while you swayed next to her, smiling at the soulful way she was singing. You were so busy taking everything in, you didn’t notice the person staring at you; his eyes glued to your face and not looking away.

“Omg, look!” Minyoung practically shouted in your ear, your eyes following the direction her finger was pointing. 

You see Taehyung walking in front of your section, singing his part of the song, all while looking right at you. You made eye contact with him and he did not break away. You telt like you were in a trance, his brown orbs so tantalizing you couldn’t look away even if you wanted to. You felt as if the earth stood still and the only people in that stadium were the two of you. It felt silly to say, but you honestly felt as if there was an invincible cord pulling you towards him, strong and unrelenting. You don’t know if he felt it too, but the way his brown eyes looked at you, it made you feel like perhaps he did. 

The moment was broken when he suddenly looked away and ran back to his members that were standing in the main portion of the stage again. The beginning of their last song for the night started and you watched amazed as you still felt that strong pull. Was this something all the fans felt? If so, you totally understand now why they’re so loved by them. The concert ended with a spectacular performance and you were surprisingly sad that the concert was over. Perhaps it was time for you to start finding some time to get more into this band. 

“Okay, bitch! What the hell was that?” Minyoung asks excitedly as you walk back to the subway station. 

“What was what?” You ask innocently, hoping she would buy your bs lie.

“Girl don’t play dumb with me, you know exactly what I’m talking about.” Minyoung was not having your faux innocence today.

“I honestly have no idea what you are talking about.” You try to play it off but it was no use. You knew she was not going to let you off the hook that easily. 

“Come on, don’t be a jerk and tell me!!!!” She practically yelled, earning some glares from a few of the older people waiting for the subway.

“Okay fine.” You relent. “I honestly don’t know what that was all about, but it looked like Taehyung was looking at me. It could have just been a coincidence though.” You try to brush it off, but your heart was being fast at the memory, calling you a liar because it knew that it wasn’t just a coincidence.

“Yeah, okay, coincidence my ass. He was looking right at you and you know it.” She insists as you enter the subway, sitting down on the empty seats.

“Do you think he remembers you from the cafe?” She asks, eyes twinkling at the possibilities.

“I don’t think so. They see and meet a lot of new people all the time, I highly doubt he remembers me. Maybe it’s odd for him to see a foreigner at a show here in Korea.” You offer, not believing that you were special enough for such a successful man to remember.

“Whatever! There are tons of foreigners at their shows here. Trust me girl, I know what I saw. And if he comes by the coffee shop by himself again, then I know I’m right.” She insists as the both of you get off at your subway stops. 

“Well if you insist, but I don’t think that’s true.” You say with finality. 

“Yeah yeah yeah.” Minyoung waved you off, the both of you parting ways.

You arrive at your apartment and make a beeline to the shower, wanting to wash off the sweat and makeup from the night. Your mind was still buzzing from the encounter at the concert, your stomach fluttering with a mix of excitement and nervousness. Your mind told you that it meant nothing, that it was pure coincidence. But there was a small part of you that wondered if he really remembered you and the look you shared meant something more.

You fell asleep still thinking of those brown eyes, their warmth encompassing you into unconsciousness. 

*

It was two days after the concert and you were exhausted from working two double shifts in a row. Dara had covered your shift so you could go to the concert and now you were paying her back. You also picked up an extra shift because you wanted to eat more than just ramen once your rent was paid. It was an hour before closing and Hana had just left since it was a slow night. You sat at a stool and rested your back for a second, your lower back killing you. The cafe was empty and you needed a small break before you started to clean all the tables. Hopefully you wouldn’t get many more customers at the end of the night. 

“Hi, are you still open?” You hear a gruff voice say as they enter the cafe. You stood up at the speed of light and walked back to the counter, embarrassed that a customer walked in and you’re just sitting around.

“Yes, welcome.” You say, bowing slightly. 

You look up to take the order of the customer and your breath hitches in your throat, your eyes not believing the sight before them. There stood Kim Taehuyng, his mask hanging from one of his ears. 

“Hello, can I get a medium hot chocolate?” He orders, a small smile gracing his lips. 

“Oh, of course. For here or to go?” You ask, suddenly wishing that he says to go. 

“For here.” He answers.

After you collect payment, you quickly get to work on his hot chocolate. You notice that he sat at the bar and was watching you make his drink, which was extremely nerve wracking. You take a deep breath and turn around, meeting his curious brown eyes. 

“Here you go.” You say and place the cup in front of him, averting your gaze.

“Thank you.” He says, his soft deep voice sending a shiver down your spine. 

You get to work, hastily cleaning up the tables and hoping that he leaves soon. He makes you oddly nervous and you don’t know why. It could be the way his eyes seem to stare intently at you, but you can’t be sure. Maybe that’s the type of person that he is and it means nothing. But something in the depths of your stomach makes you feel like that’s not the case. You’re almost done cleaning up the cafe when you hear the stool scrape against the floor, indicating that he has gotten up. You look over, expecting him to be halfway to the door by now but were surprised to see him still standing by the bar.

“Can I get you anything else?” You ask, wondering why he is still here.

“No that’s all.” He says, still staring.

“Okay.” You answer, staring back at him. 

The silence was very awkward and you didn’t know what to do so you stood in place. He was just looking at you and you could feel your face getting red, giving you away. Could you be blamed? He is such a gorgeous person, you really did not know how to react to him standing there and looking at you like he’s never seen such a monstrosity before. 

By the grace of all things holy, he finally broke the silence.

“What’s your name?” He asks curiously, confusing you further. 

You stared at him in awe, wondering why the hell Kim Taehyung wanted to know your name. After a few seconds of stupefied silence, you mumbled your name, hoping it was coherent enough.

“I’m Kim Taehyung.” He introduces himself, such a silly thing.

“I know.” You say without thinking, mentally slapping yourself for being so stupid.

He chuckles slightly and you can feel the redness coating your face once again. Great. 

“Were you at our concert the other night?” He asks and you swear you have to be dreaming. None of this is real. 

“Um, yeah?” You say uncertain, not understanding what’s going on at all.

“I remember you. I hope you enjoyed it.” He flashes a heart stopping smile and you swear you have died and gone to heaven. What the hell is going on?

“Yes, um, I had a great time.” You nod, the urge to pinch yourself very strong because you swear this is a lucid dream. 

“Good, I’m glad. I have to get going now.” He tells you and you nod, not understanding what he wants you to do with that information. Of course he has to get going, he can’t stay at the cafe all night.

“I don’t normally do this but, I was wondering if I can get your number?” He asks and has the audacity to look shy and cute and hot all at the same time. Who is this man?

“Uh, ye-yes.” You mumble and write your Kakao id on a sticky note and hand it to him. 

“Thanks.” He flashes you a bright smile and bows, waving goodbye.

You bow back and watch his frame walk out of the cafe and into the night. Slapping yourself across your face, the sting indicates that indeed, you did not dream all that up. It was reality and you had no idea why Kim Taehyung wanted your phone number. 

You quickly finished cleaning up the last few things you needed before finally closing the cafe and heading home. It was a chilly night and your light sweater was not enough to stop the nippy air from hitting your skin. You power walked home and sigh in relief when the warm air thawed out your skin. After your shower, you had some leftover kimbap for dinner and settled on the couch to watch some late night tv. You were so concentrated on the show that you jumped at the sound of your KakaoTalk chime, indicating you got a message. Reaching for your phone, your eyebrows furrowed in confusion as you see the unknown sender’s message.

KTH: Hey this is Taehyung. Did you get home safely?

You jumped on your seat and blinked your eyes repeatedly, not believing what your eyes were seeing. Was he actually serious?

Me: Hey, yes I did. Thank you for checking in.

You sat on your couch in anxious excitement. Biting your thumb nail, you were staring down your phone to see if he would reply. When did you turn into this person?

KTH: Good, I’m glad. I was wondering that if you are available, would you like to get something to drink tomorrow night?

Oh crap. Is he serious?

Me: Sure, that sounds great.

Your knee was shaking in excitement, the disbelief coming and going in waves. Was this actually happening? What did you ever do to deserve this? 

KTH: Great! I’ll text you the details tomorrow. Good night :)

Me: Good night

You screamed into your pillow, heart racing at the possibilities that tomorrow will bring. You? Getting drinks with THE Kim Taehyung? You don’t know what brought this on, but you will not question it, that’s for sure.

[seriouslyhooked]

When We Collide (Part 3)

Emma Swan has always known one thing: trust no one but yourself. Unfortunately she forgot her one rule and now she’s paying for it. One bad decision led her to the monstrous ‘Crocodile’ a mobster in New York who goes by the name Gold. Hope seems lost until she meets another person in this underworld, Killian Jones. Despite the place they find each other, a true love blossoms, and they manage to get away. But what will happen when Emma discovers who Killian really is? Will love prevail? Um, yeah, I’m writing this, so duh – it’s all love all the time. Fic features motorcycles, hot guys in leather cuts, and a bit of action/drama. Will end happily, and despite the first chapter, will be light on angst. Part 1, Part 2. Available on FanFiction Here and AO3 Here.

A/N: Hey everyone! So we are back again for another installment of this new fic, and I have to admit it’s been so fun to write this. It’s a strange new tone for me, but I’m trying to marry my love for fluff, and the intrigue/peril of this story that my muse dreamed up. There’s much more to come, but I am also trying to keep chapters shorter this go around. I definitely will end up with more than the 12 I was planning originally, but just in terms of pacing, it’s a changeup to have the shorter chapters that I use to have. Anyway, regardless of length, I hope you will enjoy this installment, which shows Emma and Killian post-Gold while also providing a flashback too. Can’t wait to see what you all think, and thank you so much for reading!

Five days into their drive towards destiny, and Emma was really starting to wonder – how far away was home exactly?

Okay to be fair, she knew where they were headed – a tiny town not far from Big Sur, clear across the country from Gold and his crew. Killian had told her as much weeks ago, but only when he was certain they wouldn’t be overheard. She loved the idea of California, never having been there herself, but she didn’t really account for how long it would take to travel that many miles. They rode and rode every day, but they could be traveling further if Killian would let them. She tried to tell him as much, but he disagreed. Responding every time with thoughtful things that made her heart melt a little more:

“I won’t risk you hurting, love. Not when you are everything, my heart and my soul.”

“You may not realize it yet, but the road can be unforgiving. Best to take it easy, especially when the cargo is as precious as you.”

“Please, Swan, let me have this. Let me take care of you. Trust in me, Emma – I promise, I won’t ever let you down.”

At every stage of this journey Killian had put her comfort first, which was wild since they were really on the run. Still Killian treated this like it was a trip to be remembered, instead of one to be rushed through. Emma was amazed at the places they’d been staying, and how each one was out of the way while still being beautiful and well-kept. They never stayed anywhere too populated, always choosing local hideaways over hustle and bustle or household names, but every place had its own organic beauty and charm. They explored these little safe havens, talking and loving and living together, and every stop along the journey, Emma felt the weight of her fear ease away. The further they got from New York the freer she felt that she was. And the thought of her freedom was so perfect, especially if she could spend that freedom with a man she loved as fiercely as Killian.

“What’s put that smile on your face, love?”

Killian’s words washed over her at the same time his arms wrapped around her, hugging her from behind. She closed her eyes and let out a happy sigh, loving the fresh air and the hum of the natural world around them on the balcony at this little bed and breakfast they’d happened upon. They had ‘the best room’ in the house, which was to say a stand-alone cottage at the back of the inn, and it felt private and peaceful and perfect.

“Just this guy,” she teased, loving the growl that Killian released. Leave it to her man to get jealous over nothing. There were no men in her life like him, certainly none that mattered, and he knew that. Still it was fun when he got all worked up, and the vibrations of the grumble he’d let out mixed with his roaming hands made her body tense in the most pleasurable way.

“Ah, anyone I know?” Killian joked, nuzzling into her neck and laying a kiss on her skin that made her shiver. Unable to resist, she spun around in his arms and melted into him, her hands resting on his chest.

“Hmm, it’s hard to say. You see not a lot of people know him – the real him. He’s mysterious that way.”

“And you?” Killian asked, his voice taut with sincerity as he dropped the charade. “Do you feel you know me?”

Looking into his eyes, Emma saw how important this question was to him. After years of hiding himself in darkness, working with Gold and other evil, vile people, Killian was wary of himself and his worth. She saw the doubts that he carried, the worry in his heart, but she knew this man completely. Honestly, she’d known there was more to him from the start. Something honest and real. But if she’d still needed convincing that he was good and true and kind underneath it all, he’d handed it to her in one perfect, thoughtful moment that sealed the deal and stole her heart…

And there it is:  I, Emma Swan, am officially homeless. Again.

The weight of that knowledge cut Emma to her core. For years she had worked day in and day out to claw herself into something resembling stability. After years in her foster homes, and more on the street and living in her car, it meant everything to her to have a place, a real place, to call her own. In fact, it meant so much to her that she’d paid up front to her landlord. She didn’t want to risk him looking for new tenants, so she always paid promptly and in full. This time she’d actually taken it further, giving three whole months rent, just before this all went down. Her landlord was grateful, but still clear with her – just because she paid up front, didn’t mean he’d accept late payments. And now she was late. A full month behind, and just entering the window for eviction. When the clock struck midnight, she’d passed the final day. Her home would now be vacated, cleared out, and everything she owned would be tossed, sold, or stolen.

The reason she knew how this would all go was because she’d seen it many times. Her building was filled with people who for, whatever reason, could not pay the bills. As such, a number of them had been evited, and always with the same cold, calculated precision. The landlord didn’t even show himself. He hired workers to clear it all and used the cops to intimidate people into leaving. It was awful, but it was life. And now it was her life. Damn it, why the hell was this her life?

“Yo, blondie, you gonna get us our beers, or you gonna keep staring at the clock some more?”

The rude call from one of the patrons snapped Emma back into the moment, and she fought tooth and nail to force the tears in her eyes from falling. She had yet to let these men see her pain, and she would die before she ever did. As badly as this hurt, as agonizing as this was, she couldn’t let it show. She had to keep moving, keep going, and just remember that the most important thing was to survive.

The next few hours were all a blur of rowdy miscreants and a lot of ballsy drunks. The worst part, though, was that Killian wouldn’t be by. He mentioned to her the last time he was in that he was going on a run. He’d be out of town for some time, and wasn’t supposed to be back until the end of the week. She’d only known him for a little while now, but it was a disappointment when he didn’t stop in. Seeing him made all the difference in her day. He kept the savages at bay, and though they both did their best to be discrete, she felt his presence, sensed his eyes on her any time they could be, and savored every moment when he came close, asking for a drink or paying his tab at the end of the night.

Thinking of those good moments ultimately got her through the rest of her shift, and through some kind of small mercy, Sydney let her out a half an hour earlier than he normally would. She was excused from after-hours clean up, and for once she took the out, rushing upstairs, hoping to get away from everyone and everything. She reached for her keys, as she came down the hall, but her door was open as she got closer and immediately her guard went up. No way in hell she’d left this door open. She was always meticulous about keeping it shut. Then there were footsteps inside and she looked in to see the one man she’d been missing most of all.

“Killian?” she asked, shocked at seeing him as she raced inside. How was he back so soon? And what was he carrying in that cardboard box? Wait, was that…?

“Emma, love, you’re early,” he said, looking totally caught off guard at her entrance. “You’re shift’s never over at this time. You’ve usually got -,”

“That’s my stuff,” She said interrupting him.

“Aye,” he said, looking defeated. “Well it’s what I could salvage any way.  As soon as I heard, I tried to get back sooner, Emma, I swear I did. But by the time I made it, so much was already gone. This was all I could save.”

Emma reached to the item on the top of the box, the one thing she actually cared about – her blanket, emblazoned with her name, and still bearing the same scent of honeysuckle and an ocean breeze that it always seemed to have. It was like magic, that smell, imprinted on the woven bands that made this knitted shrug as long as she could remember. No matter where it was or what it had seen, the smell always remained, comforting her, and making her believe that it must have been crafted with love. It was a sign to her that there had been people who loved her, for however brief a time, and this was their one precious gift to her.

“I’m so sorry, Emma. If I had known this was happening… I tried to reason with your landlord, to pay off what’s due just to buy you more time but -,”

Dropping the blanket back into the box, gently, Emma pulled the cardboard compartment from his hands and tossed it onto the couch beside them. Then she stepped into Killian’s arms, cupping his face, and kissing him surely. There was no other way for her to make him see how much this meant to her. No words could be uttered, no thanks could be shared. All it took was a single second for him to be there with her, holding her close, wrapping her up in a warm embrace that made her feel whole when for so long she was broken. It was transcendent, so much more than just a kiss, and when they finally broke apart to breathe, Emma looked at him and saw the heat and the care and the goodness in his eyes. She knew then that she trusted him. That he was honorable and true, despite the line of work he was in, and that she was scarily close to falling for him, in a total and irrevocable way.

“I can’t believe you did this. No one’s ever cared, I mean, no one even thought…” Emma felt tears threatening again, and she closed her eyes. Unbidden, they fell, and then she felt Killian’s thumb swipe them away as he came to hold her. She opened her eyes again, and smiled through the little bit of crying. “Thank you, Killian. Thank you so much.”

“You deserve the whole world, Emma,” he said, staring at her so intently, a battle going on in his mind that she couldn’t quite read. “Fuck me, just one more taste.”

He growled out the words and pressed his lips to hers again, this time taking things even further than before. This was a kiss of hunger, of passion, of wanting. It was a spark that flared brightly, a flame catching into a burning fiery force, and she loved it. She needed this, needed him, and didn’t realize how dulled and cut off she’d been. To get through this she’d been numbing herself, surviving but not living, but in his arms and with this kiss, she felt so alive. More so than she ever had in her life.

Too soon the kiss was over, and this time, when they broke away, Killian straightened, putting a bit of distance that she hated between them. “Much as I might like to take this further, Swan, I can’t. You’re vulnerable still. Reeling from the day, and if we continue…”

“When we continue,” she said boldly, causing him to shake his head even as that wicked, sexy wanting sparked back to life in his blue eyes.

“If we continue, I won’t ever stop. One taste could never be enough, and two will damn near kill me. If I taste you a third time, you’ll be mine.”

“Yours?” she asked, her heart thudding in her chest even as the voice in her head pleaded with her to make that jump.

“Aye, mine. Right now, my world is ugly, Emma. Far too ugly a place for a woman like you. I need to make it better. Need to find some light before I let you in. But I’m only so strong. The next time you kiss me, there will be no turning back. You’ll seal our fates. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” Emma whispered.

“Good,” he replied, grabbing his leather jacket, his hands curling into fists as he put it on and made for the door. Then he looked at her, a million things left unsaid between them for a beat until he finally nodded at the door. “Lock up behind me.”

She nodded, and was going to ask him to wait, but she was too slow. He raced out of the apartment, like he was scared to make good on his word, and Emma was left stunned. Her lips still tingling from the feel of him, and her whole body buzzing in kind. She made her way to the door, following his order to bolt everything in place and then she leaned against the wood, pressing her back against the cool paint finish. Her hand came up to cover her mouth, and she looked around the room, her eyes catching on the box once more. Then she smiled and closed her eyes, knowing that the next chance she got she was kissing that man. Consequences be damned – she was going to be his, and she sure as hell hoped he’d be hers in return...

“I don’t feel that I know you, I know that I do,” Emma said honestly, coming back from the memory and into this moment with Killian once more.  At her words, he let out a sigh of relief and she ran her hand along his jaw. He leaned into the motion, clearly loving the feel of her soft skin against his rough beard, and she wanted to give him that comfort and certainty. “We may not know every little detail about each other yet, but that doesn’t change the way I feel. There are ghosts in our past, and dreams of the future that we maybe haven’t shared, but I know you, Killian. I know you and I love you.”

“Gods I’ll never get enough of that,” Killian said holding her close, before making a heartfelt confession of his own. “And there will never be another woman I love so much as you, Emma. You were it for me the moment I saw you. You’ll be it for me until my final breath.”

“Only until then?” she teased, trying to lighten the mood and laughing when he growled again and pulled her so close they were centimeters away from a kiss.

“You know what happens when you tease me, love.”

“Mhmm,” she said, breathlessly confirming that she did as she licked her lips. She waited agonizing moments for him to kiss her but then he surprised the shit out of her throwing her up over his shoulder and heading downstairs and out towards the lake. She shook with laughter, confused as to what he was doing until they reached the sand and he put her down.

“Loose the dress, Swan. I make no promises on your salvaging it if you leave it to me.” She shivered at the command in his voice. Damn he was hot. Especially when he went all alpha like this. Luckily, they’d been dressed for a possible swim, so she had a newly purchased swimsuit underneath.

Holding his eyes as much as she could, Emma delighted in how focused Killian was on her. But then he returned the favor, losing his shirt and she was lost. She always got dizzy seeing him like this, and that feeling lingered through their swim and as they sprawled out on the dock some time later. Letting the heat of the fading summer sun dry them off, Emma hummed out a sound of contentment. Okay, honestly, this right here was the life. But as that thought went through her mind she shot up, looking all around them suddenly frantic.

“Emma what is it?” he asked, genuine concern lacing his voice.

“We can’t be like this, can we? I mean we’re on the run,” she whispered. “Gold could find us. He could -,”

Killian silenced her with a kiss, thoroughly distracting her before explaining his seemingly lax behavior. “Gold has been successfully brought into custody and is none the wiser of my involvement in his demise. His lieutenants have also all been charged, and the henchmen have gone to ground. The syndicate is bleeding, Emma. There’s no one around to ask questions, and you and I are not the only ones in Gold’s service who’ve made a run for it.”

“How do you know?” Emma asked.

“I have my ways,” he grinned, and she rolled her eyes but smiled all the same. “And don’t think for a second that I’ve made any compromises on your safety. We’re relaxing as we are because I have complete and total confidence in the safety of our stops.”

“What did you do, set up some trip wires or something?”

“Didn’t have to – the whole place has surveillance capabilities set up already.”

“It does?” Emma asked, shocked and Killian laughed.

“Aye, love. Tiana’s special forces.”

“You’re kidding,” Emma said, looking at him for signs of jest. “Wait, seriously?”

“Seriously. Her mother runs the inn when she’s deployed, but this place is a haven of sorts. Most of the places we’ll land over the next week will be.”

“Wait, so you’re telling me there’s like a secret, high tech, military bed and breakfast system scattered across the country?” Killian laughed heartily at that and shook his head.

“Not quite. As you’ll recall, not every place we’ve stayed has been like this. There are simply many, many favors I had to cash in from my days with the SEALs. This is one of them.”

“You’re incredible, you know that?” Emma asked and Killian’s look softened as he held her close.

“I’d be anything for you, Emma.”

“All you have to do is be yourself,” she promised, kissing him sweetly but pulling back just as the kiss was set to begin. He groaned at her absence, and watched with warry eyes as she stood up, moving away from him. With motions so fast and controlled she marveled at them he got up too, never letting too much space between them.

“Change your mind, on something, love?”

“Hardly,” Emma said grabbing her dress and toying with it, but not putting it back on. “I was just thinking…” she said, letting her gaze run down his body as she licked her lips. God he was gorgeous, and time was doing nothing to dull the effect he had on her.

“What were you thinking?” he ground out, moving forward again, but she put her hand up.

“Trust me, honey,” she said, knowing how much the little pet name riled him up.  “Nothing I’m thinking is fit for this place. Way too public. For what I want, we need a bit more privacy.”

“As you wish,” he promised, once again sweeping her into his arms and making her melt against him. And as he carried her away, no doubt towards a night of steamy passion in his arms, Emma felt what it was to be truly happy. For though the road was still uncertain, and their future might not be totally clear, she had faith it would all work out, as long as they had each other and many more moments like this one.

Post-Note: Okay so some of you are no doubt cursing me for not writing out the smut. I know exactly who you are, and let me just say, I have no intention of defending myself. I was mean like this on purpose, but trust me, I’ll make up for it in this fic many times over. In the meantime, I hope that you guys enjoyed this little glimpse into the present and the past. I want to include some memories from their shared from the dark days as much as I can, and from their lives before Gold too, and the only way I know how to interact with that kind of angst, is to wrap it up in present day fluff. Anyway, hope that you all enjoyed, and I appreciate your cheering me on and letting me know what you think. See you all next time!

[eponymous-rose]

This isn’t a post I really wanted to make, and I feel kind of shitty making it because parts of it aren’t my story to tell, but not talking about it isn’t working, so hey. Weirdly comforting internet void, please don’t reblog this. 

There’s discussion of mental illness below, but not (directly) firsthand. This is mainly discussion of the impact mental illness is having on my family. Please avoid this post if this is a topic that is likely to cause you pain or discomfort. I think I just need to have it out there.

About a year ago, my brother was diagnosed with Bipolar I. His seeking out a diagnosis was the direct result of the way his mental health was horrifically mismanaged when he lived in the US in his late teens: he was misdiagnosed as schizophrenic and, a few months later, a pharmacy error cut him off anti-psychotics cold turkey. It was absolutely horrible, and he wound up leaving school and moving back in with my parents for a time just to recover. That diagnosis was still on file for him almost a decade later, but recently his job finally had decent enough benefits that he could afford to go in for a barrage of psychiatric testing to rule things out. Bipolar I wound up being the diagnosis that fit.

And I think, for him, there was a sense of relief that came from that initial diagnosis, because a lot of things started to fit. Our immediate family is very close and very loving, but also almost comically controlled and disciplined and logical and isolated. As a kid, he would frequently spiral over something small (I clearly remember being baffled by the fact that my teenage brother would still have full-on tantrums), and my parents and I would just be staring wide-eyed in silence because strong emotion??? what do????? He was comforted and loved, and outright tells us all the time that he loves us and feels really lucky to have had such a supportive family, but I can’t help feeling like we were just... overwhelmed by inertia and kept thinking “this is probably healthier and more normal than the way we repress our emotions”.

I suspected depression was always there, and I’d reached out to him a little about that based on my own experiences, but mania hadn’t even occurred to me, even when he was sending us e-mails at 5 AM about the new opera he stayed up all night writing. It’s incredible what starts to feel like normal when you’re in denial like that.

Regardless, that’s where we were last year: he called us up when I was visiting my parents and we chatted for about an hour about what we all knew about this illness and how he’d be going forward. We all assured him that we loved him a lot and were here for him in whatever way he needed us.

And then, in typical us fashion, we repressed it. My dad yelled at a server out of nowhere for bringing the wrong drink that afternoon; this is the most empathetic man I know, who’s raised his voice maybe three times in my life that I can remember (he called the server over afterwards to apologize and tipped hugely for having to put up with him). My mom’s anxiety spiked. I stopped sleeping well. It took us a few months to realize we were all struggling because we were so worried.

My brother tried a few different meds, none of which had a really strong impact. We all got together for the holidays, and when he arrived, he was furious in a way that felt familiar, like back in high school when he’d be so angry it was like he wasn’t fully in control of his body, wasn’t hearing the things he was saying. It was weirdly a bit of a relief, because I realized then how much he must have been putting on an act before: after high school, he’d always been extremely quiet and positive every single time I talked to him (always for short visits with big chunks in between). He was finally comfortable not being perfect around us. 

The precipitating factor for this particular blow-up was one of his coworkers e-mailing him and asking for one more article even though he was on holidays: dick move, sure, but in no way deserving of flinging his luggage around and teary-voiced ranting at the restaurant we took him to for dinner. We made sure he knew he was being heard and understood, and we sympathized with him, and we set up an hour that evening so he could just sit quietly in his room and work out how he was going to reply to the e-mail. And then things were fine again. He told us stories about how great that same coworker was the next day.

My parents stayed at an airbnb, mainly because my place is a little small for four, and he and I stayed here and just had a wonderful time. I realized how much I’d built things up in my head in a worrying way: this was still my brother, who I love very much, who’s sensitive and feels things deeply and sometimes gets upset, but I knew how to talk to him and I hope I could help him feel better; he certainly helped me feel better. We watched old cartoons and played NBA on the Switch and got milkshakes and ordered in pad thai and had a fantastic time just chilling and talking about whatever crossed our minds. I never once felt nervous or weird around him in the three weeks we were here, and I very clearly remember thinking, “Hey, future self, remember how natural this felt next time you’re catastrophizing: this is one of the few people in the world you’d happily have as a roommate.” We get along so, so well, and some of the new initial tension between him and my parents (that awkward combination of “well-meaning” and “absolutely out of their depths” made for a couple of baffled moments before they hit their stride) just never bled through to our friendship.

It came out during that trip that he’d accrued some pretty hefty credit card debt (overspending being an extremely common thing when you’re in a manic phase... and also in your twenties living alone in a big city when a big chunk of your job involves socializing every night); my parents very calmly and supportively told him they’d help him pay it off on the condition that he cut up those cards and take a serious look at the gaps in his budget. He was more embarrassed than anything, but my mom’s no-nonsense, logical attitude broke through and soon they were happily sitting down and setting up a budget.

He went back home, and things started getting worse. His landlord was an asshole who wouldn’t let him and his roommate control the heating and insisted on controlling it from off-site, so he’d come home to a sweltering apartment every night and couldn’t sleep. He took a sleeping pill to help him get some rest, and that triggered a major depressive episode. Through a series of accidental events (mainly getting stuck on hold with a crisis line for 45 minutes and calling 911 out of desperation), he wound up getting picked up by the cops one night and brought to a mental hospital, which he said wasn’t his intention, but he was glad it happened in the long run (the hospital, not the cops, obvs).

He was only there for one night, after which point they set him up with a social worker and amazing outpatient care, including psychiatrist visits every week and a new set of mood stabilizing meds, and I cannot stress enough that this would have been a much shorter story if he’d lived in the US. With my parents’ help, he wrote a letter to his landlord threatening to go to the city if he didn’t fix the heating situation, and his landlord caved (thank goodness, because there’s no way he’d be able to pay rent anywhere else in that city). Things stabilized, a little.

Now, though, it looks like he may lose his job. He disclosed his illness right after the diagnosis, and after some initial missteps, they started putting in effort to work with him on it---in my brother’s e-mails to us, the HR person went from an obnoxious jerk to a determined ally, if only to avoid liability issues. But on his new meds, while he feels great in the mornings, he’s exhausted by the afternoon, and he often has minor depressive episodes in the evenings, so clearly the dose isn’t right yet. He’s up to missing a couple days of work a week, and they’re clearly trying to lean on him to switch to contract work so they can let him go without running afoul of legal protections. It doesn’t help that what started as a wide-open, exciting startup (he still says the first eight months were his dream job) has turned into an ad revenue-grabbing mechanism where all his colleagues are white homophobic tech bros who ignore him at best and resent his “special treatment” at worst.

A lot of his friends happened to move away around the time of his diagnosis as well, and now a lot of his remaining friends are distancing themselves. A common factor in his last few jobs toward the end was people telling him, “You just looked miserable all the time,” and it sounds like it’s starting to impact his personal relationships. His time online is spent in the deepest of “cancel culture” discussion, where being mostly good but fucking up once is almost more reprehensible than being wholly awful (he quit Facebook for a while, but wound up reopening his account to let people know about his hospitalization... and now he’s just back there again). He and his boyfriend broke up. His friend who initially suggested he apply for this job now ignores him at work.

It’s that awful combo of “people are being assholes about my illness” and “my illness makes it hard to believe that someone who initially reacts poorly will ever come around, so I’d better shove them away first”.

My parents are understandably so worried for him. They’re going out to visit him for three weeks starting tomorrow, staying at an airbnb nearby and occupying themselves with their own retirement pursuits so he can come visit if he likes, or ignore them if he needs space. They’ve told him that, if he’d like, he’s welcome to come stay with them for a few months (they live on the other side of the country); they’ll cover his half of the rent while he’s gone, and he’ll have a bit of an opportunity to just heal, considering he went straight back to work the day after his hospitalization. They’ll also help him strategize about whether he wants to switch to part-time on his current job and see about picking something else up. I suggested they bring up the possibility of going back for a master’s---I know it’s an absolute minefield for mental health, but in his particular case, a flexible schedule plus project-based creative work with specific deadlines has always been a pretty good fit, and he excels academically.

They’re also preparing for the possibility of moving him out to stay with them on a more permanent basis, but they obviously don’t want to disrupt his care (his current appointments are at the best mental health facilities in the country). They can’t afford to live in his city on their pension, but they’re also talking about giving up their retirement condo and buying out his roommate’s half of the rent, and just being there to help him out when he needs it. I don’t think he’d go for that unless things really deteriorated quickly, but a few months away from the city definitely sounds like what he needs.

And I’m just... so angry. I’m pissed off that so much of the stress weighing on him (and so many others!) right now comes from him being nearly 30, in debt, without a hint of a way to start saving for retirement, with these little one- or two-year gig jobs with two-hour commutes full of toxic people stretching out into eternity. I’m pissed off that this awful disease has made it so my parents probably aren’t in a place where they’re going to be able to do their big retirement trip, and they may be giving up their idyllic retired life for good. I’m angry with myself for that little burrowing resentment that, because my parents are older, I could wind up a financial, medical, and emotional caretaker for them and/or my brother at a moment’s notice, and I don’t feel ready to take all of that on. I’ll never feel ready.

(As a bonus, bipolar I has a genetic component, and now I’m thinking back to that one time I stayed up all night determined to save the world by learning all of biology in eight hours, or the time when as a grown-ass adult I started crying like a ten-year-old because I felt left out from an activity friends were doing, and I’m thinking, is this it? And then it’s not those extremes, it’s every normal human emotion that was previously muted by my own situational depression years ago. Is this it?)

I feel so, so entitled to the life we should have had as a family, and so frustrated at all these external factors that’ve brought it crashing down. More than anything, I’m scared for my little brother. I know bipolar isn’t something that magically disappears, and that things are likely to get worse, but I want those external stressors to go away and just leave him alone for half a minute so he can heal and find the right combination of meds and maybe, maybe get to think about thriving rather than just surviving. I’m so grateful to my parents for finding the right things to do and say to help him recover. And I know that, if something goes horribly wrong, I can try to fill those shoes.

I’m still losing sleep, but only every now and then. People at work occasionally comment that I don’t look so good, but that’s much rarer than a couple months ago, and the people I’ve confided in are very kind and check in on me even when things seem to be going well.

After the move this fall, I’m going to find someone to talk to professionally about this. In the meantime, just typing this all out makes me feel a bit better. I am finding better ways to cope; I had to mute him on social media because my overwhelming tendency to overthink his posts was very dangerous (turns out that famous self-deprecating millennial sense of humor is terrifying when you’re trying to work out if someone’s in danger). I have a generally positive attitude about this, and I can now usually catch myself when I’m starting to spiral. I send my brother goofy links, and he sends me funny stuff in return. I’m going for runs and eating better and playing video games and hanging out with friends... 

... and I’m genuinely very happy a majority of the time (not just content, but happy), which wasn’t true even a couple months ago.

I’m scared and angry and coming to grips with it being okay to be both of those things, as long as I’m also supportive and loving. This is my little brother. This is my family. They’re the best. 

And all we can do is take it one day at a time.

[sunshinechii-scenarios]

Hi Neighbor

Hello! I'm back with another scenario finally after another round of just posting moodboards! I also did include a pet cat in here so if you're a dog person I'm sorry! I love cats kskxnsozjs but people see me as a dog person sad sad. W.E I love them both ♡

✿ Seventeen The8 x Gender Neutral Reader ✿ Fluff ✿ 1.7k words ✿ Not Requested ✿ Chii

PSA: If you requested something please give us 2-3 weeks! We’re both in school and busy with personal things! I don’t wanna sound annoying but be patient! Thank you! I make make a wip post where I’ll update the wips I’m working on if that helps!

I made the following divider so please don’t take it or use in your own posts, thank you .- Chii 

          There was an absolutely wonderful opening for the Friday night shift at work and with rent coming up, you knew you needed the extra cash. It was always a normal occurrence that Friday has the least amount of workers, next to the weekend. You picked up the black marker and wrote your name on the whiteboard inside the employee office. Marking your name down, you made up a plan in your head to prepare yourself for working two shifts within 24 hours. Gathering your things, you checked the time on your phone that had been locked up. 7:34 pm, you still had time to eat a quick meal and sleep before you dealt with an afternoon and night shift back to back. You luckily had four breaks in those two shifts but it was hard to take naps with noise constantly around you.

“Bye, Y/N. See you tomorrow!” Said one of the older workers there, you waved them a goodbye before walking out of the building. As your shoes crunched against the fallen leaves and the wind hit your skin, you walked to your stop. You fished out a pair of earbuds and plugged them into your phone as you waited for the bus.

          On the 15 minute ride home, your plan started to come together. You would order some delivery and pay with your debit card over the phone to save the trouble of paying with cash. You would take a shower within the 45 minute window it usually took for your delivery to come and eat before sleeping by 10 AM. You turned the white corridor lined with dark doors to stop in front of the one you called home. You felt up your pockets for your keys. Finally feeling the jagged edge of metal against your fingers you pulled it out, the jingling sound was the only other sound besides the voices you could hear from next door. You recently got a new neighbor, the old one had moved due to work relocation. It was such a shame, you two had been close and it was hard to adjust to a new neighbor, Minghao is his name if you weren't mistaken. You barely said anything to him since he moved in last week. A few greetings here and there were exchanged between the two of you. You only knew his name because of mail being accidentally put into your box day after day. You thought back to a few days ago, around two days after he moved in. He caught you while coming home in your work attire, that day you had been especially tired and it showed in your appearance. 

It only consisted of him saying “hey neighbor,” before he walked into his apartment and his three friends followed. You were worried about the noise factor but to your pleasant surprise you could hear him tell them to quiet down every time they got loud. You enter your home but not before stealing a glance over to Minghao’s door, hearing muffled voices.

‘Maybe he has friends over again,’ you thought to yourself before pushing the dark door in. You felt a fluffy tail around your ankles as soon as you stepped through the door.

“Hey, Cece.” You bent down to pet the white and gray cat on the ground. She started to walk off to god knows where while you took off your coat and shoes. You called in your order and paid, finally being able to enjoy a hot shower after a long day. You took your time under the hot water, letting it relax your tense muscles. The steam filled the tile bathroom and you looked down to your hands, red due to the hot water. You heard a female voice that interrupt your thoughts through the walls. The walls were thin but not that thin, it took a lot to hear someone talking from another apartment. You got out of the shower after that, you had been in there way too long anyway. Your noticed your prune like fingers while you changed into a fresh change of clothes. The doorbell rang just when you exited the steamy bathroom and prepared the cash tip.

          You thanked the delivery man and gave him a tip and sat down at your coffee table. Opening the bag, you took out it's contents. You saw Cece making her way towards you. Getting up, you lifted her into the couch and she turned a few times before getting comfortable. Came that time of the night to look for a show to watch while you ate. Although, once you did it was nearly impossible to enjoy your T.V show in peace. The voices next door got louder and louder. You wanted to shut them out and ignore it as white noise but you could make out every word they were shouting. Disregarding your damp hair and your cat meowing for you to not leave again, your hand turned the handle to your front door. You slipped on a pair of slide on slippers and walked the short distance to Minghao’s door. You took a deep breath before knocking, what were you going to say? Stop yelling? Regardless, you knocked and waited for him to answer. To your surprise the door opened quickly, you saw the angry looking girl behind Minghao. You assumed this was the loud female voice you heard while trying to relax in the shower. She looked angry and was red in the face, you saw tears streaming down her face with bits of mascara. You blinked rapidly and tore your eyes away from her, not wanting to make awkward eye contact.

Looking at Minghao, you began to speak, “hey, I’m-mh?!”

‘Hey, I'm your neighbor from next door. I know you just moved in and all but I have a night shift in 4 hours and I would appreciate if you kept the noise down,’ is what you wanted to say if it wasn't for his lips pressing against yours but you weren't complaining. They felt smooth and plush, unlike your own that was dry from not applying lip balm after coming out of the shower. You saw no point in it, you were going to eat right after but in this moment you wish you did. He held onto your body as you practically melted. You have never been kissed like this before with your luck in men. They didn't kiss you like Minghao did. They wouldn’t be able to kiss you like Minghao did. He pulled away, staring into your eyes before leaning towards your ear.

“I know this looks bad but play along and I'll explain everything later.” His breath tickled your neck and caused your cheeks to flush.

“U-uh sure…” You could barely say anything since you were still in shock from the kiss. He interlocked your fingers together and stepped away so you could see the girl in your sight again. She was just as shocked as you were.

“This is the girl you keep saying doesn't exist.” Minghao said while motioning over to you.

“So you’re the one, huh?” Her voice was just as loud as before but it was slightly brittle.

“Uh,” you felt Minghao’s fingers tighten around your hand, “yea! We’ve been seeing each other.” You saw the anger in her eyes and felt scared, like she was about to attack you. She start to walk towards you but Minghao let your hand go and stood in front of you.

“I think it's time for you to go.” Minghao said calmly, trying to be the bigger person in this situation.

“This isn't over!” She screamed louder than before.

“Yes it is.”

“Ugh!” The girl stomped out of his apartment but not before slamming his front door so loud that you heard your cat meow from the wall.

“I should be expecting a call from the landlord in a day shouldn't I?” Minghao crouched down and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Most likely.” You crouched down to be eye level with him. He pick up a fallen pillow and threw it back in the couch.

“About before, I'm sorry.” He looked at you apologetically.

“It’s fine, a nasty ex?” You said.

“Now she is.” He said blandly.

“Oh, I'm sorry.” You said quickly after, not really knowing to comfort him but he didn't seem to mind that he just broke up with his girlfriend.

“It’s alright, we got into our 9th argument this week and I expected this to come.” He got up and started to fix up the rest of apartment.

“Do you want help cleaning up?” You asked him, figuring it would be weird to just leave after that and you wanted to speed up the process so you didn't have to hear cluttering while in bed.

“That would be amazing, thank you…” His voice trailed off.

“Y/N, I live next door.” You pointed to the left wall of his apartment.

“Ah, you always bring my mail over to me.” He nodded his head at remembering your morning attire and half awake face when you would drop off the said mail.

“So,” you paused before continuing to pick up the Chinese fashion magazines,” do you always kiss your new neighbors?” You said after you put them on his coffee table.

“Why? Want it to happen again?” He turned to you to saw your face flush a deeper red. He tried to hold back a smile.

“How about I take you in a date first? We’ll see if everything plays out well and I'll kiss you again.”

“Date? Wait! My take out! Ah, it's probably room temperature by now.” You suddenly remembered your food and sighed, you didn't want to use the microwave since it was half your age, a ‘goodbye present’ from your parents.

“I’m sorry about that, you could use my microwave if you want to. It's brand new.” He offered up his kitchen to your use and pat the top of the microwave.

“You just saved me from my old rickety microwave.” You sighed happily.

“You saved me from my ex, it's the least I can do.”

You spend the next hour continuing to help Minghao with his apartment and ate at his place also. You introduced him to your ragdoll cat and Cece loved him, so did you. Maybe love is a strong word but you are definitely attracted to him now. Usually you kiss after two people get together but a change up in the order makes it interesting.

“I still have my night shift….”

I HAD THIS WIP FOR 5 DAYS AND THATS THE QUICKEST i’VE EVER FINISHED, MODIFIED AND EDITED ANYTHING. I like this little prompt so I worked with it and it’s not bad! :o Until next time!

Please don’t claim this as your own and please don’t do anything with it without my permission. If you don’t want it happening to you, don’t do it to others.

[seungsols]

[F] Between You and I

Title: Between You and I Pairing: Soonwoo (Soonyoung x Wonwoo) Length: 5,930 words Summary: Nothing in the world can keep Soonyoung apart from Wonwoo. A/N: For the Soonwoo Push x Pull Fic Exchange!

Soonyoung’s new kicks were soaked. A pair of brand name shoes that cost more than his monthly rent completely ruined by the pouring storm that was inches away from him. He leaned against the wall more to increase the distance, an attempt to shield his shoes from the droplets that were dripping from the awning above him. His eyes trailed down to his watch, nodding when he realized he still had a couple minutes before the bus came.

A bell rang next to him, the entrance to the convenience store. A “stay dry” comment was heard as he saw Wonwoo. They were about the same stature, only Wonwoo stood up straight in the rain as his umbrella kept him dry from the storm above. He automatically plugged in his earphones and drained the environment out, unaware of Soonyoung observing him from afar.

As desperate as he was, Soonyoung wasn’t going to just sneak over and share the stranger’s umbrella without permission. He knew his best friend would scold him for that when he shared his story afterwards anyway.

The bus drove from over the horizon and Soonyoung stumbled forward, pulling his bus card from his wallet. It was getting soaked quickly, he definitely needed a new wallet after today. He somehow managed to stand in the queue before Wonwoo, but with all the pushing and shoving, Soonyoung dropped his card that floated down the small makeshift stream towards the sewage drain. Before he could even panic, Wonwoo grabbed his arm and scanned his card twice.

“He’s with me,” Wonwoo told the bus driver.

The worker tipped his hat and motioned the two to walk back as other people loaded the bus. Soonyoung blinked as he watched the other wrap his umbrella up before sitting down. He quickly followed and sat in front of him and turned around to leaned over before coughing.

“T-thank you for that,” he said with a shiver in his voice. He noticed how Wonwoo’s eyes kept staring down at his phone before he repeated his words, pouting at how he was still being ignored.

The bus started moving and it wasn’t until the fourth time that Soonyoung tried to get his attention that Wonwoo sighed and looked up at the window while pulling out one earphone. He looked over at Soonyoung and nonchalantly spoke, “It’s no problem.”

Soonyoung had a small smile form upon his lips. “Is there anyway I can repay you? I can buy you coffee or— ”

“ —you can leave me alone,” Wonwoo interrupted as he put his earphone back and looked out the window again, purposely ignoring Soonyoung.

The drenched one just blinked in shock before he frowned and tried to get Wonwoo’s attention again. “I’m still going to repay you,” he stated. “I’m really thankful for what you did.”

“Well,” Wonwoo sighed, “don’t be.”

The bus stopped and Soonyoung looked outside to see a cafe close by through the heavy drizzle. Without thinking, he quickly grabbed Wonwoo’s hand and pulled him off the bus. It happened all too fast before the quiet one could register that he was standing in the rain with a stranger whose bus card fell down the drain nowhere near where he needed to be. Wonwoo looked over as Soonyoung had already opened his umbrella and put it over the top of their heads before smiling at him.

“Let me buy you coffee.”

Wonwoo—who was a bit wet from the rain that had come down before Soonyoung opened his umbrella—just mumbled to himself before taking up Soonyoung’s offer. “Why not,” he mumbled.

Wonwoo carried the umbrella in the plastic sleeve from the front as Soonyoung was in line making the orders. He found a table near the window and leaned the umbrella on it as he sat down. Looking over, he watched Soonyoung happily chat with the barista over the counter.

It’s not everyday that a stranger offers you coffee nor everyday that that stranger persistently insists he buys you coffee to the point where he drags you off the bus.

He was checking his phone when Soonyoung came over and smiled at him as he put the mug in front of Wonwoo. “I hope you like Americanos,” the drenched one smiled.

They’re my favourite, Wonwoo thought as he sat up in his seat and blew on the mug before lifting it up to his mouth to take a small sip. It still burned a bit, but it did warm up his system. He jumped a bit when he saw Soonyoung pull his hoodie off in front of him before he coughed and looked away as he distracted himself by taking another sip.

“I just wanted to thank you again,” Soonyoung reiterated.

“You really don’t need to,” Wonwoo looked up from his cup, the two of them finally having a normal conversation face to face. “It was nothing.”

“It was everything! You’re honestly a lifesaver, I am indebted to you.”

“Okay, okay,” Wonwoo coughed, chuckling a bit as he placed his coffee down. “It’s not that big of a deal. I was just doing something nice.” He smiled a bit when Soonyoung grinned widely at him. Checking his phone, he scrunched his nose and locked it before shoving it in his jacket. “Look, you got me coffee and we chatted a bit. Thank you, but I really do need to go.”

“Oh,” Soonyoung blinked as he frowned to himself as he watched Wonwoo zip his jacket and go to the counter to ask for a lid for his coffee. He looked over and gasped as he grabbed Wonwoo’s umbrella and looked over as the other was putting a hood over his head. “Your umbrella!” he practically shouted across the cafe.

Wonwoo looked over and shook his head as he placed his earphones in once more, “keep it.” He quickly walked out, just in time to catch the next bus. He managed to find a seat and sat down with a loud sigh before taking a sip of his coffee. He pulled out the receipt that Soonyoung had left on the table and nodded to himself as he saw the name. “Kwon Soonyoung.”

Soonyoung stood there, a bit flustered from how fast his exchange with his stranger was. He was also a bit sad how he didn’t even get his name, but at least he was able to pay him back. There was something about him though, perhaps they’ve met before, but he did seem familiar. Regardless, Soonyoung hopes they’d be able to meet again.

  -

  “Hyung, you know I’m not the best person to talk to when it comes to these theories of yours,” Hansol grunted as he furiously tapped the backspace button on his laptop. Wonwoo looked up at his younger friend and chuckled as he put the mug on the table. He got up to walk towards the kitchen as Hansol continued to grumble to himself.

“They aren’t theories, they’re laws. They’ve always been proven to be correct throughout my life—by the way, you’re running out of almond milk.” Wonwoo closed the refrigerator door and walked back to the dining room table before pouring the milk into his hot beverage.

Hansol glared at his older friend. “Please… let’s not talk about theories and laws right now. This senior thesis for physics is taking a toll on my whole well-being as is.” Wonwoo chuckled but nodded as he sipped on his coffee. He continued typing as he looked over every once in awhile to see Wonwoo reading through stacks of papers, hearing the sound of the red pen scribble once or twice before a page turn. “Is that Jisoo hyung’s book?”

“Yeah, but it’s very raw right now. This is only the second version he sent me,” Wonwoo hummed.

The younger one just nodded before coughing, a sign of changing the subject. “So this theory of yours again, hyung?”

“Oh, I knew you wanted to talk about it more,” Wonwoo cheekily smiled.

“Anyway,” Hansol rolled his eyes. “You said his name was Soonyoung, yes?”

“Yeah,” Wonwoo agreed as he clicked his pen and set it down before aligning the sheets of paper as he tapped the stack on the table. “I met him yesterday. Almost missed Jisoo hyung’s appointment back at my office because of him though.”

“And you say,” Hansol continued, “you’ve seen him before—not in this lifetime but… a time in the past?”

“Precisely.” Wonwoo adjusted his sitting position on the chair as he slid his glasses up the bridge of his nose. “I just… wish I could find him again.”

  -

  “Soonyoung, I can’t believe you actually did that to the poor guy,” Junhui groaned as he was making coffee the next morning. He made sure the blend was perfect for the two of them—two teaspoons sugar, one teaspoon creamer—before he passed it over to his roommate. “Though, that is something you would totally do, so I take that back. I’m not surprised at all.”

Soonyoung whined as he blew on his cup that he firmly held in his hands to warm them up. “Hey, I needed to repay him back! It’s not everyday someone saves your life by paying for your bus fare.”

Junhui just hummed as he watched Soonyoung sip the coffee that was still a bit too hot as he squealed but kept sipping it anyway. He snickered. “Well, that was very nice of you. But don’t do that on a whim again, he could have needed to go somewhere important.”

With a pout, Soonyoung nodded as they both started eating their breakfast—rice and sunny-side up eggs—as they kept chatting. “Junnie, I wish I knew his name.”

“You should have asked.” He laughed when Soonyoung nudged him in annoyance. “Well, we live in Seoul, I don’t know if you’ll see him again.”

“I hope I do though,” Soonyoung sighed. “He seemed… familiar.”

“In what sense?”

Soonyoung put down his utensils as he grabbed his coffee once more. “I don’t know but… I just feel like I’ve seen him before.”

“Maybe you will see him again then, hm?” Junhui nudged Soonyoung as he got up to put his dishes in the sink. “I’m gonna get ready to go over to see Jihoon. Don’t burn the house down, okay?”

Junhui snickered as Soonyoung puffed his cheeks—that were already stuffed of food—and grunted. “I almost blew up the microwave. And that was one time, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Junhui hummed from the foyer as he was sliding his shoes on and opened the door. “But if that landlord auntie comes here again, you have to explain everything to her instead of me, okay?”

They stuck their tongues out at each other, a sign of Soonyoung bidding farewell to Junhui before he sighed and washed his dishes. Looking outside the window, he deduced that it would be a good time for a walk: the sky was cloudy from the storm yesterday, but not a sign of precipitation was in the forecast.

  He carried an umbrella with him in his right hand, just to be safe so that he wouldn’t have a repeat of yesterday’s incident. The shoes were still drying and Soonyoung was already internally dreading how much he’d need to scrub it when he returned to his apartment. The pavement wasn’t drenched, the soles of his worn down shoes that he wore weren’t in danger as he continued to walk.

It was a fairly empty sidewalk, considering everyone else was already in their respective buildings for work as the morning rush died down merely an hour ago. Soonyoung lightly shook his head, remembering this scene as if it was a repeated dream he had in the past. He followed through though, thinking he was overthinking. He’s lived in this area of Seoul for most of his adult life.

Crossing the street, he walked past an ice cream shop as he turned the corner. He grimaced, mumbling how he hated the frozen dessert, only fondly wanting the corn flavoured type as it wasn’t as sweet. But he remembered how someone in his life loved it and always order two cones as if they were for them and Soonyoung but said person ate both. It wasn’t Junhui, him and Junhui don’t eat ice cream together.

Perhaps it was a long lost friend, Soonyoung thought as his head turned away from peering into the shop. He continued his walk. He knows it was merely impossible, but he hoped that he would run into that stranger who paid for his bus fare. Even if it was just a familiar glance from afar, that would be enough of a cue for Soonyoung to run over and ask for his name.

But as Junhui had said, they live in Seoul. It’s practically impossible to meet the same stranger twice, especially since Soonyoung wasn’t even sure if he lived in the same area as the stranger in the first place.

His thoughts continued to take over though, he rubbed his head as he entered the park’s pathway with the tree branches overhead shielding the little light that pierced through the grey skies. He usually doesn’t take this path when he goes on walks, but his body somehow ended up at the park anyway. A few people on bicycles cycled by, but none of them were of the stranger. Soonyoung managed to find a bench that didn’t hold water from yesterday’s precipitation. He leaned back and slid down into a more comfortable position. Slowly, he felt his eyes grow heavier than usual. He crossed his arms against his chest and decided that maybe a quick nap would help his mind ease up.

  -

  Soonyoung was nervous when he was told by a complete stranger, much older than him, to audition for a company on the other far side of the city. He wasn’t sure if he could fully trust this stranger at all, but he never missed an audition opportunity. The young teenage boy knew he was born to be an entertainer on a stage. Maybe this was his big break.

The audition ran smoother than he had expected, especially with the fact that he had actually sent in dance videos to the company before. It was still nerve-wrecking, mostly because his future was still unclear.

When he got a callback, his family rejoiced. He packed his bags for Gangnam, the location of the company. Surprisingly, however, he realized he was not alone. Entering the practice room, his eyes met a roomful of boys around his age, already warming up their voices and watching themselves dance in front of the wall mirror. Soonyoung was never a timid nor quiet one, so he was quick to introduce and acquaint himself with the others.

Practicing and training really took a toll on him, especially with his lower back already suffering with pain as is. It wasn’t until a few months into his training that he was introduced to a new trainee. Unlike Soonyoung, this trainee was much quieter and mostly kept to himself. He was friendly though as he introduced himself to the others respectfully and shook hands with everyone. But even though he was new, Soonyoung could already tell he wasn’t much of a people person.

He approached the newbie during their second to last break as he offered an extra towel.

“Here,” Soonyoung smiled. “You might need this.”

The new trainee paused and looked up, their chests still rising violently from the practice. He smiled and took up the offer. “Thank you,” he panted.

Soonyoung sat down next to the other, quite happy that he didn’t run away as some trainees had done when they first met Soonyoung. “I’m Soonyoung, by the way.”

“Wonwoo,” the other replied nonchalantly as he wiped the sweat from his forehead that ran down to his cheeks. “You been here for a while?”

“Uh, a couple of months.”

“Seems like it,” Wonwoo nodded. “You’re a really good dancer.”

Soonyoung was flattered. “Oh, gosh no. Thank you, though. I know I still have a long way to go.”

The other one chuckled. “Humble, that’s good. But don’t be.” Wonwoo rolled the towel up and wrapped it around his neck before he leaned himself against the practice room walls. Soonyoung copied the action and looked over before Wonwoo spoke once more. “How long do you think it’s going to take?”

“Pardon?”

“This training. I’ve heard stories of people training for over seven years. I really hope that doesn’t happen.”

“Well, everyone takes a different amount of time depending on their skills, right? Hopefully we don’t end up in that situation though…”

“Would you quit?”

Soonyoung paused for a moment before shaking his head. “No, I can’t. It’s my dream.”

Wonwoo looked over, the two of them made eye contact, before he smiled. “Good, then I hope we keep training together. Maybe we’ll debut together.”

“Yeah,” Soonyoung grinned back. “I hope so too.”

  -

  Soonyoung squealed as he fell off his bench before he heard a familiar snicker noise. Junhui offered his hand to his roommate with his cheek lying against the pavement. “Sorry, Soon,” Junhui hummed as he pulled the younger one up. “You know how much I love waking you up like this.”

“You’re so mean, Junnie,” Soonyoung groaned as he rubbed his cheek. The two headed back to their apartment. Soonyoung was surprised how long he’s been asleep on that bench. A thought dawned upon him how he was slightly worried that the stranger might have passed by him and Soonyoung missed out on the opportunity.

“So you came out to the park just to nap?” Junhui chuckled. “I mean, if your bed isn’t the comfiest place to nap, then I guess I could understand that.”

“It wasn’t that, I just wanted to get out.” Junhui patted Soonyoung’s back as they kept walking. It was a bit quiet as the two of them were checking their phones as their arms kept nudging each other accidentally every now and then. Soonyoung looked up suddenly before turning to Junhui. “I had that trainee dream again.”

Junhui slightly lifted his chin to look at Soonyoung before back down at the screen. “Ah, that dream again?”

“I’m telling you, I was probably an idol before in my past life. That’s gotta be it.”

“Both of us, right? That’s what you said when you thought it was destiny for us to become roommates. Because of this idol dream of yours.”

“That belief still stands,” Soonyoung nodded. “But besides that, I think I know the stranger’s name.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. Wonwoo.”

“Wonwoo?” Junhui locked his phone and pondered upon the name for a second. “Actually that does sound familiar—no, wait my bad, I’m thinking about that one brand of beef. How did you come up with that conclusion? Oh, did you run into him?”

“No,” Soonyoung shook his head, “he was in the idol dream too.”

“Soonyoung…” Junhui sighed, “we talked about this before. It’s just a dream.”

The other pouted as they began to cross the street. Soonyoung looked back for a quick second to glance at the ice cream shop once more before Junhui grabbed his hand and walked faster as the timer was ticking down. “I’m so sure it was him,” Soonyoung mumbled to himself.

“You know,” Junhui began as they were on the other side of the road, heading towards their apartment, “maybe we should just call it a night when we get home, hm? You seem like you’ve had an awfully long day.”

“But—”

“Tell you what,” the taller one hummed as he opened the door first and ducked his head to not hit the building entrance door frame, “tomorrow we both get off early from work. Let’s go out to that favourite ddeokbokki place for lunch.”

Soonyoung gasped. “The one with the samgyupsal on the side?”

“That’s the one.”

Junhui laughed as his roommate cheered and jumped into their apartment after unlocking the door. He was glad Soonyoung was feeling a bit happier, but he was still worried about what Soonyoung had said earlier. In fact, Junhui was questioning it himself. What if it wasn’t a dream that Soonyoung had? What if it was a vision of the past? Or possibly of something outside of this universe?

  -

  University was a difficult start for Soonyoung. Being so far away from home, he wasn’t sure of how the next few months would be for him. It was a gradual transition but soon enough, he was comfortable with his independence.

Theater furthered this comfortability. Starting as just a joke with his new best friend, Lee Seokmin, Soonyoung was surprised at the fact that he had passed the auditions for the semester play that was to be held at the end of June. With an important leading role, he basically lived at the theater. Seokmin always visited during their scheduled breaks though, always bringing his friend his favourite snacks so he wouldn’t get hungry as rehearsals continued into the evening. They always walked to their dormitory together, glad that their rooms were adjacent to each other.

It wasn’t until May approached that Soonyoung was introduced to the theatrical technician team—often referring to themselves as ‘techies’—who did all the behind the scenes work to make sure the production was a success. The performers gasped at how the stage had come to life with the props and backsets that enhanced the space.

Soonyoung looked over and saw one of the techies approach him. Wearing all black with a headset placed over his head, he stretched his hand out towards Soonyoung. “You’re the lead, right?”

“Y-Yeah… well, one of them.”

The techie smiled. “I’m Wonwoo. I’ll be working on the spotlight for your scenes.”

“Soonyoung,” the actor smiled. “Thank you.”

  Everyone involved in the production practically lived in the main auditorium at this point. When Soonyoung wasn’t in classes or in his bedroom fast asleep, he was on stage. Him and the other performers were in a stop and go ordeal as the techies kept cutting them and starting their scene repeatedly throughout the weeks.

Seokmin still visited when he could, but it became rather difficult as exams rolled around. He paid a visit right after his biology exam as him and Soonyoung sat in the audience chairs overlooking a scene in which Soonyoung wasn’t a part of.

“It’s in two weeks,” Soonyoung sighed.

“Wow, that’s so soon. Do you think you guys are ready?”

“I hope so… no, I know so. We’ve really put a lot of heart into this production. Especially the techies, they’re pretty amazing.”

They grinned at each other as they kept talking before Seokmin checked his phone and said he was heading back to the dorm. “Just text me when you’re on your way back so I know.” Soonyoung saluted before the two did their handshake and Seokmin left.

As the other performers began to leave, Soonyoung and the other lead were left with the techies. It was his solo scene and Soonyoung stood in the middle of the stage as he looked up to see Wonwoo shining the spotlight on him as the surrounding lights began to dim. He began speaking his lines before Wonwoo cut him off.

“I can’t move the spotlight that fast, do you think you can walk a bit slower?” he shouted from the techie booth above the audience seats.

“Yeah,” Soonyoung yelled back. “Sorry about that!”

“Don’t be,” Wonwoo replied. “Just take it from the top once more.”

  It was around ten o’clock when Soonyoung began packing his things. He screamed frightened when he exited the dressing room with his bag and saw Wonwoo leaning against the wall.

“Save that voice for the stage,” Wonwoo chuckled. Soonyoung pouted as his cheeks let off a pink tint. The two walked side by side, Soonyoung surprised to hear that Wonwoo dormed in the same building on the same floor. “I’m on the opposite side of the corridor though.”

Soonyoung nodded. “That’s probably why I never see you. You take the south elevators when I take the north ones.” The two continued to talk before Soonyoung sighed. “Wonwoo, I don’t know how you do it.”

“Do what?”

“Theater. It seems like you do such difficult tasks while I’m just on stage talking.”

Wonwoo chuckled. “Oh, no. What you do is much more difficult for me. I have stage fright.” Soonyoung tilted his head, a bit surprised at the statement. “It’s true. That’s why I work behind the scenes. I’m always someone who doesn’t work in the spotlight.”

“But have you thought of doing so?” Soonyoung questioned. “Being on stage? Even with that stage fright of yours?”

“I’ve thought of it,” Wonwoo nodded. “In fact, sometimes I feel like I’ve done it before. In a past life: on stage, performing in front of an audience, experiencing that thrill of accomplishment and adoration.”

“You talk so well,” Soonyoung giggled.

“Thank you.”

“Ever thought about being a writer?”

They started walking up the hill towards their building as Wonwoo nodded. “Yeah, but I’m not much of a writer. More of an enhancer. I helped edit the script for the play, actually.” Soonyoung gasped and looked at Wonwoo in awe as he continued looking ahead.

“Ready for the play?”

“Are you?” Wonwoo laughed after asking as Soonyoung shrugged and grimace. “You shouldn't be worried. I'm sure it'll go well.”

  -

  “Wonwoo?” Jisoo nudged his friend yet again before he fell out of his seat with a loud thud. Jisoo squealed in panic, but sighed in relief when Wonwoo groaned and sat up slowly. “Oh, thank goodness. I thought you were dead!”

“Morning to you too, Hyung.” Wonwoo grunted as he rubbed his head while his older friend helped him back onto his feet. “The transcript is in my room. I finished adding notes on it.”

Jisoo grinned and walked over before shouting he brought breakfast and it's sitting on the kitchen counter. Wonwoo hummed in response and made his way over as he stretched. He was delighted to see his usual order—a blueberry muffin, honey toast, and a mocha latte—in the brown paper bag.

He set up his and his hyung’s food on the dining table as he saw Jisoo enter the room again and put the script into his bag. “You were knocked out when I came in an hour ago, so I thought I would go out then come back with our breakfast.”

“Wow,” Wonwoo chuckled before he sipped his latte, “it's not everyday someone breaks into your house and then goes out to bring back breakfast.” He laughed when Jisoo pouted before they started eating.

“Have any weird dreams lately?” Jisoo asked as he spread shmear over his toasted bagel. “You usually do—hey, don’t give me that look!”

“Actually, yeah. Remember the theater dream I told you about months ago?”

“The one where you were a techie and almost opened the trapdoor under me?”

“I said that was an accident. But yeah, that one,” the younger one nodded. “I had it again. Only… the lead’s name… I remember it now.”

“Oh, who?”

“Soonyoung.”

“Sounds familiar,” Jisoo hummed before wiping his mouth. “Wasn't he the stranger you told me and Hansol about? On the bus?”

“Yeah!”

“You dreamt about the stranger?”

“Wha—no, Hyung! My point is that I didn't dream about Soonyoung because I just met him. I dreamt of him because I already knew him.”

Jisoo blinked in confusion as he sipped his macchiato.

Wonwoo rolled his eyes. “Okay, remember the script idea for your last book I told you to scrap? That plot.”

Jisoo gasped in amazement, almost falling off his chair. “He's your soulmate!”

“Okay, I wouldn't think of it that far. But, I think we're close. Or were close.”

“No, no! Soulmates! You two have always destined to be with each other!” Wonwoo stuffed part of his muffin into Jisoo’s mouth to muffle the excitement as he leaned back to sip his beverage once more. “Wonwoo…”

“Sorry, Hyung… but, it's just weird. I feel like we should have known already, if we were really soulmates. But he seemed to not even know my name.”

“Well, maybe that's just the universe’s way of telling you to let you get to know him all over again.”

Wonwoo pouted. “Well, the universe is stupid and too into romcoms.”

“Hey,” Jisoo smiled as he began to wipe the crumbs off his side of the table, “we can insult the cosmics later when we take Hansol and Seungkwan out to lunch for finishing their theses.”

  -

  Soonyoung practically tackled Junhui to the ground when he saw him leaning against the pillar when he got off the subway train. Junhui managed to keep his balance though, fixing Soonyoung’s messenger bag that clung across his chest. They began walking to the restaurant as they were talking about their day at work when Soonyoung noticed another ice cream place.

Junhui noticed. “You want one?” Soonyoung stopped in his tracks as Junhui repeated the question. “Do you want an ice cream cone?” Soonyoung grimaced as his friend snickered. “Just wondering. You’ve been looking at those lately, you know? Not just within the past few days. The past month.”

“R-really?” Soonyoung blinked surprised.

“Really. Funny, I thought you didn’t like ice cream because it was too sweet.”

“Yeah, I still stand with that belief. But… I don’t know. Guess I find some sort of comfort with them?”

Junhui whistled. “Maybe Wonwoo likes ice cream, huh?” He laughed as Soonyoung nudged him and walked faster. “So I reserved earlier, two seats at your favourite spot.”

Soonyoung smiled. They approached the restaurant and greeted hostess who led them to their table before they sat down. Junhui looked over the menu and noticed Soonyoung stand up from his chair quickly.

“Restroom.”

Junhui hummed and shooed him away. “Take your time. I already know your order.”

“Oh, you're the best Junnie!” Soonyoung and Junhui shared a smile as the younger one walked towards the restrooms.

In the nick of time, Junhui looked up and saw a party of three enter the restaurant. He thought nothing of it though and looked back to the menu as they were led to the other side.

“I can't believe Wonwoo hyung said he was coming later,” Seungkwan pouted as they followed their host.

“You know how busy hyung is,” Hansol patted his back. “Plus, Jisoo hyung is paying anyway.”

Jisoo looked at the two surprised as they all sat down. “I… am?” Seungkwan and Hansol nodded as they shared a menu while Jisoo frowned looking at his own.

Soonyoung came back. Him and Junhui were enjoying their meal as the elder took care of cooking the meat on the grill between them while Soonyoung took care of devouring it well. Junhui grinned, “you seem happy.”

“I'm always happy when you cook the food, Junnie!” They both chuckled before Soonyoung accidentally knocked his utensils off of the table. He whined and moved downward to grab them.

While doing so, Wonwoo entered the scene. He looked over and saw Jisoo and Hansol waving him over as Seungkwan was busy cooking the meat. He smiled and walked over to his friends. “Hey, sorry for that.”

“You should be, Hyung!” Seungkwan pouted. Wonwoo ruffled his hair, touched that his younger friend wanted to see him so much.

Soonyoung sat up straight and grumbled as he put his old chopsticks aside and grabbed a new pair from the drawer at the right side of the table. “Junnie, I hope you know I'm paying.”

“Too late,” Junhui hummed as he grabbed a slice of pork off the grill and blew on it before biting into it. “I paid for the meal while you were in the bathroom.” Soonyoung whined and puffed his cheeks. Junhui chuckled, knowing that was his friend’s way of thanking him. “Should we get ice cream afterwards?”

Junhui was expecting an immediate ‘no’ but was surprised to hear the “yes” that Soonyoung uttered.

“You think you'll see him there?”

Soonyoung sighed and nodded. “I'm definitely sure. I have that gut feeling. That this has happened before.”

  -

  If there's one thing to know about Kwon Soonyoung, it's his love for food. His parents always took him out to eat and, living in a small town in Seoul, he had an advantage to a plethora of food and options.

Saturdays were family days and they always went out for barbeque for dinner. Young Soonyoung always wanted to learn how to cook the meat, but his noona wouldn't allow him as she feared he would burn himself. He pouted as he watched her and their father cook instead.

Afterwards, his mother always offered ice cream, but Soonyoung grimaced as his noona cheered.

It wasn't until one night that Soonyoung decided that he would order an ice cream after his meal. His father led him through the line where the toddler asked for one scoop of vanilla in a cone. He licked it, surprised he enjoyed it and continued eating it with his family.

He heard a cry of one child in the shop and turned his head to see a boy around his age had dropped the ice cream cone. Soonyoung gasped and saw how the other boy’s parents tried to comfort their crying child.

Soonyoung quickly jumped from his chair and ran over with his own ice cream to the other. He looked at the boy who was still sniffling before he held out his hand with the cone. “Are you sad because it fell?” The other nodded as Soonyoung grinned. “Don't be, you can have mine!”

Both set of parents were shocked by Soonyoung’s actions but smiled at the thought behind it. The crying boy rubbed his eyes and nodded as he grasped Soonyoung’s cone and brought it close to him. “Thank you,” he mumbled shyly.

“You're welcome! I'm Soonyoung!”

The other boy wiped his eyes with his sleeve and gave back a smile. “I'm Wonwoo.”

  -

  Deja vu hit them but in a different lifetime, in a different ice cream shop, at different ages.

And as if it was true that the universe brought them together once again, Soonyoung stood at the doorway of the ice cream shop. Speechless and frozen with his best friend by his side as Wonwoo was at the counter paying for his friends’ orders when he shared eye contact with Soonyoung. Jisoo squealed and quickly grabbed Wonwoo’s ice cream that was about to fall while Junhui swiftly held the plastic bag of leftovers that Soonyoung almost dropped as the two walked close to each other.

Soonyoung and Wonwoo stood right in front of each other. If they were in any other place, it might have been more intimate or meaningful. But they were in an ice cream shop, which was pretty special in its own way to them.

“H-hey…” Soonyoung let out.

Wonwoo coughed and nodded as the two never lost eye contact. “H-hello.”

Rubbing the back of his neck, Soonyoung chuckled a bit. “Have we—”

“—met before?” Wonwoo asked, completing the question. They two chuckled a bit before shaking their heads.

“I don't mean a few days ago on the bus,” Soonyoung added.

“I don't either,” Wonwoo grinned. “No way, this is definitely the universe fucking with us.”

“Well,” Soonyoung cleared his throat. “Allow me to formally introduce myself. In this lifetime.” He put his hand out and smiled. “Kwon Soonyoung.”

Wonwoo shared the same smile and shook the other’s hand firmly. “Jeon Wonwoo.”

And as much as the two were bitter with how the universe teased them like this—in every lifetime they've ever experienced—they were rather thankful that they were still able to find each other.

[flyingwithicloud]

My first crashpad experience

There’s something about an elder woman coming in and taking care of you that makes you want to cry, or just anyone in general taking care of you without asking for anything in return. Truth be told, there’s been a handful of rough times since I first learned about having to move to New York. The number of times I’ve cried since then has been twice, surprisingly. I’ve managed to hold myself together and keep it in for the most part. 

I usually don’t make it public or known when things are hard for me. There’s a level of stubbornness in me that wants to prove I can take care of myself and be independent. Sometimes I do need help, but I’m always hesitant to ask because I just don’t want to be a burden or an inconvenience. 

There was a similar time during my college career when I was also in a pretty good place in life. A lot of people were happy for me and proud of me for achieving the things I did and getting to where I got. I was happy to be in my position at the time and proud of myself too. While people were happy for me, there weren’t a lot of people happy with me. That is I felt kind of alone and isolated like no one could relate to me. 

But then someone did relate to me. A good friend of mine took it upon herself to check up on me one time. She was frank with me and told me that when she was in my position, she had actually felt pretty lonely and isolated, but no one knew. In that instant, I just broke down and the tears just kept rushing out. I had no idea she was feeling like that when she was in my position, and I hadn’t told anyone how I was feeling either. The fact that she took it upon herself to check up on me and take care of me meant a lot to me. 

Even though it’s hard for me to show I’m struggling, I think it’s important to show a little vulnerability so that those who are interested in getting into the industry can fully understand what it entails. I have been looking for a decent place to stay since learning I had to move to New York. It’s been a very difficult search, quite frankly, especially who those are not familiar with living in a big city and the other inconveniences that come from it. However, do keep in mind that not everyone’s experiences are the same. Mine differs greatly from some of my classmates assigned to the same domicile. If you do go into the industry, you could have an entirely different experience than me so don’t let this one experience of mine discourage you!

The week between graduating training and moving to New York, I spent every day looking through multiple crashpad websites, FB renters groups, Trulia, reached out to acquaintances and friends, and messaged several people advertising that they were looking for roommates or someone to take over a lease. I truly did not have a place to live in New York and it was kind of scary. 

That week of in-between passed and I arrived in New York. My first four days, the company had provided a hotel for me, and that was to be the only time that the company will provide housing for me for relocation purposes. I spent some of those four days checking out crashpads and still contacting people looking for roommates. I went to this one crashpad to check out the place and I was pretty horrible by what I saw. It was filthy and disorganized. The kitchen was sticky and messy. There were bunkbeds in the bedrooms and multiple in the living room area. The mattresses were unlined with sheets or any type of protection and had stains on them. The worst part was how utterly disgusting the bathroom was. There was one time in college that I felt like I was living inside a trashcan because of this ongoing issue that one of my roommates caused that one of my pledge sisters let me sleep at her place. I also cried at that time because I was grateful of her for taking me in. Anyways, the level of grossness in this crashpad was a whole different level. The whole time I was touring this crashpad, the landlord was actually on the phone with me, giving me the tour through call. I was trying my best to keep my tone neutral and disgust hidden. She ended our call with “I’m sorry if the place may seem a little messy for you, but this is actually one of the cleaner crashpads you’ll find. They others are typically filthier!” After that tour, I was thinking to myself “What have I gotten myself into?” And so, I spent the remainder of my time in the company-provided hotel until it was the day for me to leave on my IOE (initial operating experience--kind of like my first trip to shadow a flight attendant instructor then show my proficiency). 

For my IOE, I got flown to Denver from La Guardia and I stayed in the nicest hotel room I had ever experienced. It was a four-star hotel with an amazing breakfast set up in the morning. At this point, I was thinking “Okay, this is actually pretty great. I’m kind of homeless, but it’s okay. I’ll figure something out.” I completed my IOE, which was a four-day trip. Every night I stayed in a different hotel provided by the company.  

After my IOE, I flew home for a day, still no luck at finding a place to live in New York. My friend who had graduated training my with me told me about this crashpad she found, which will end up to be my current crashpad for the month. I contacted the landlord immediately and scheduled to move in the next day after I fly back to New York. I know it was dumb of me to sign up for a place I hadn’t even toured or seen, because the last time I did something like that, I regretted my decision and had to stay there for a whole year. However, I was desperate and it was only for the month of October, so I was going to make it work.

This crashpad that I am temporarily residing in is convenient that it is close to the airport. The area is also relatively quaint and peaceful--as peaceful as it can get considering it is New York and there are still always cars honking and people yelling at each other on the streets. I actually enjoy walking to the market and admire the cute little houses down the streets. Many of them are all decorated for Halloween. The leaves have changed colors. The sight is truly fall and I love it!  

What I don’t love is my crashpad. Crashpads are typically just a place that a bunch of airline crewmembers share, but aside from my roommate, everyone else living here are not... It turned out that in the past, there were a lot more crewmembers that lived here. There was also a tenant that wasn’t a crewmember was stealing some of the flight attendant’s stuff while they were away. That tenant was kicked out, but the crew members also stopped living here, so now this place has a few “regular” tenants, myself and my roommate, and different airbnb guests that come in and out. There was also one guy that was staying here for short amount of time that kept stealing food. He eventually got kicked out. Well, I wasn’t here when it all went down, but the story is...he called the cops for something stupid and the cops just laughed at him. Then he had the cops called on him. The cops supposedly came and took him to the psych ward because he would talk to himself in the mirror. Overall, he was just a pretty weird guy. 

The first impression I got from this place had already started bad when I first got here, so that should have been my first red flag. My friend did warn me that it was a little weird because no one else were crewmembers, but once again, we were really desperate considering the super short notice we received to relocate to New York. Anyways, I had contacted the landlord and told him I was interested in renting. He told me he had a room with two beds available that I would be sharing with my friend. Great. At least we would have our own room. Right? Wrong. The day I was supposed to move in, the room that he had told me would be mine and my friend’s had someone else staying on the bottom bunk. He told me to just neatly move all his things out into the living room. I did not want to get into any drama with this guy that I haven’t even met, so I told him “It’s okay. I can still in one of the other empty beds for the night and wait until that guy moves out after you talk to him about it.” I technically still didn’t have my own place to stay that night even though I had already paid for it. It sucked, but  still I was thinking it’s okay. I can still make this work. Things are going to work out. It’s okay. 

The next day, I was already assigned my first official trip. It was a three-day trip. When I came back from my trip, I still had one day left of reserve. The guy--the man, actually, that was previously staying in the room rented out for my friend and I had moved out. That was the day I kind of met the other “regulars” living in the apartment. The man introduced himself to me and kind of tried to jokingly lecture me about getting him kicked out of his room. It told me it was my fault that he had to leave his room but said he was still going to leave his belongings in the closet regardless, and that was the end of our conversation... I was not comfortable at this place and I had a full week off, so I packed my things, showered, and headed to the airport so I could just wait for my early flight home the next morning.

For me, I never have and I still don’t deal with unwanted interactions with men very well. I just don’t know what to do. I kind of shrink back and I freeze. Living in this crashpad, if I have to be here, I stay in my room all day. However, because that man still leaves his belonging in mine and my roomate’s room, he comes in and out. Every time he does, he says things like “You have a beautiful smile. You should smile more. You should work less because it makes you smile less.” and every time he saw me, he would tell me to smile. One time, I was alone and he came up and said I should go to Manhattan with him the next time I’m off and he’ll show me around. I don’t know this man. He’s basically a complete stranger so I was very uncomfortable and I just said “Sorry, I work a lot so I probably won’t have time.” 

Last week, I was unlucky to be on reserve for 5 days and not get called out for my whole reserve period so I would have to face him every day when he came in and out of our room. There was one day that every time he came in to grab something, he would ask me to go somewhere with him, and I would say “Sorry, I’m on call. I need to be here so I can be ready to leave anytime they call me.” He did it so much that day that I eventually pretended to be sleeping every time he knocked on the door to come in. I told my roommate and she told another tenant living at the apartment, who then told the landlady. The landlady came to take out his belongings the next day because he shouldn’t have even been using our room to begin with once he was told to leave it.  

She was so sweet about it. She kind of speaks broken English so we have limited communication. She tried to tell me not to worry about him and that she had made it clear to him that my roommate, myself, and the other tenant that my friend spoke to were all like her little girls. It was reassuring. I was so grateful and thankful. 

The next day, my roommate left for work super early in the morning. Later the man barged in with his belongings again to keep in our room. He didn’t noticed that I was in the room at first. Once he did, he declared “I know you girls don’t like me being in here, but this is just the way we live,” and continued lecturing me about how it was my fault that the landlady came and removed his things. That was outright rude. I was completely appalled, and things just got even more uncomfortable in an already uncomfortable place. 

The following day, I got assigned a trip. The day after I went home to Oklahoma for one day. I came back to New York and all the man’s belongings were completely out of the room. I guess at some point while my roommate and I were gone, the landlady came back in and removed his belongings again. I don’t know what went on while we were gone for her to do that, but it was nice of her. Ever since the first incident of removing his things, she always makes it a point to check in on me when she stops by to visit or clean the place. Every time, she gives me a hug and calls me her little girl, which kind of hits a soft spot because it’s so nice and reassuring to have someone watch out for you and take care of you. She came and did that yesterday. I was having a bad day, also scared to leave my room in case I run into that man and he yells at me again. After she came in to check up on me and made sure the heater was working so I would be warm, I cried and I just kept crying and crying. This marks the second incident that I cried for since becoming a flight attendant. Other than that, it’s been sort of good.  

On the bright side, I have found a new place to stay for November. I can not express to the landlady how grateful I am of her for looking out for me and taking care of me, but I can’t live in this place any more. I’m scared all the time. I sleep on the top bunk so that I could have some sense of safety and during the day, even though it’s a hassle to climb up and down, I still sit in my top bunk in the corner so I can feel somewhat safe. 

The first time I cried since becoming a flight attendant was during one of the times I was leaving Oklahoma, going back to New York, and my flight had been delayed for 3 hours so I missed my connection from DTW to LGA, which was the last flight back to New York for the day and it was so late that everything was closed. I knew I would have to sleep in the airport for the night. My mother messaged me during my flight from OKC to DTW. I didn’t want to tell her that I was going to have to sleep at the airport in Detroit, that I was dreading going back to my New York apartment, and that I was actually having a hard time because I didn’t want her to worry so I spent the whole flight crying. I know that sounded really sad, but I overcame it. I figured my way through. We also have a pretty nice crew lounge at the DTW airport with a sleep room. There’s even a gym and a shower area, so I spent the night there and flew out the next morning. Everything was good. I was fine, and hopefully things are only going to get better from here! 

[yintianhe1128-blog]

The Suicider

She reached for me in the morning not long after Christmas. We chatted by the furnace in my house for no more than five minutes, then she said,

“Your life must be really boring.”

I’d never expected a girl who would speak just like her. But there was something deeply buried yet extrovert on her. She would omit her life after a peak of tranquility was reached inside. That was why she came for me, and why most people came for me.

Things went on like this: my previous client closed his case peacefully at night, duplicating the detailed protocol I gave him. Before he penetrated the overflowing snow of winter Eastern Europe and hit his head heavily and fatally onto the pink bricks of the Grand Budapest, he did remember a last text message left for me to deliver his gratefulness. That was, by chance or fate, my nineteen-eighth case, or the nineteen-eighth poor soul I ferried to heaven or hell, or neither. Then for a long time with no task at hand, I rented a cottage somewhere in Finland, a place I’d been longing to, and let the snow block the outside at ease.

I did not know how my address slipped in her hands. She came to me during one of the greatest snow I had met since my settling down in Finland. She kept vague about where she heard about me and how she made her way through the ocean and heavy snow. She never told me where she came from, even in the long days with her later in my life.

Anyway, when I opened the door that day, I saw a young woman in brown winter coat, with all her face concealed carefully by red scarf and hat. I noticed her gaits were twisted when she entered the house, probably from days of searching and walking. I always took pride in my methods of hiding from people.

I made us coffee, and she started talking after resting for a while on my couch.

“I hear you are the suicider.”

“Sure I am.”

“What specifically do you do then?”

“Usually people come to me with their wishes regarding how they want to die, and I do some little experiments and design the final scheme for them.”

She was amused. “How d’you experiment them? You got people working for you?”

“Nah, I’m completely on my own.”

“Don’t you have friends.”

“No I don’t. I used to enjoy socializing. But it’s always unbearable to see them leaving,” I sensed the confusion on her face, “dying.” I added.

“All of them?”

“You’ve no idea how long I’ve lived.”

“How long?”

“You tell me, I celebrated my forty-fourth birthday with Albert Camus.”

I expected the expression of amazement on her face, but failed. All I heard was a soft chuckle. She was indeed different.

“I can’t die. Never. Nothing can’t kill me. You bet. Aging, injury, diseases… nothing.”

I looked at her pale face, just got a little red from the burning fire. Her facial expression was hard to read. There was a short pause, then,

“Your life must be really boring.” She said.

I tried to relax the muscle on my face otherwise she would see how I actually reacted to her hypothesis whether she popped up randomly or she did feel it. I had never met someone without being envied before. She was different, this I could tell. Intuition told me as soon as she stepped inside, but only till then I was forced to believe. She looked outside the window, trying to moderate the awkwardness.

“Whatever,” I took a sip of my coffee, “What brings you here.”

“You know it.”

I was choked by words. It had been a pattern for me to ask why, regardless it was such a we-both-know-why question.

“Sorry. How do you like it to be done?”

“Do you just stay in this room all day?” She pointed outside of the window. “Why don’t we go out? It’s such a scenery outside whilst we waste it. Seriously, you can get this kind of hut everywhere in the world, but leave alone this Finnish snow.”

I was quite annoyed. But I agreed. After all, she must have came a long way to this god damned place. And perhaps, this would be her second-to-last lifetime wish.

I led her to the only bar I knew in the town adjacent to my cottage. Drunk snow pierced and separated by the penetrating wind was left alone covering the street, spitting out cold air after the hangover the last long night, blurring our vision. We walked in the snow like two strangers, partly because the unsociability, and partly the hush knife-ish wind. When we took our first sip of the Alko beer beside the soft jazz band jamming southern dixie, the whole morning was left to our silent snowy road trip.

She soon finished her first bottle, whereas I was merely halfway done. Finally, she turned around to the guitarist, who was lazily strumming the chords against the window pane. The rest of the band were all sitting down, including the singer. There were seldom people in the pub, and the landlord was smoking by the small passage connecting the warehouse and the front desk.

The band finished an obsolete Christmas chorus. After a short pause, the guitarist performed another strengthless riff.

“I wish I’d know that guitarist.” She said, more or less to herself.

“Well I would take that job, if you really want,” I said, “that’s Matti. The drummer is Markku, he lives near the bottomless lake. And the bassist is Maki, Markku’s brother. He is temporarily living with his brother in his house.”

“I thought you’d enjoy solitary.”

“Solitary is bullshit.” I said. “You got to know people, which is crucial. But the trick is, never to get too close to ‘em.”

She left out the typical chuckle again. “Thanks for that useful advice.”

We stayed in the bar until the alcohol bursted through my body like a grand fountain and left my conscious fractured and twisted. She kept talking, but the foam of beer washed away everything stored in my brain about that special afternoon. I stayed unaware of those “accidents” I experienced until the next morning. I felt strange for the familiar noise of my antique alarm clock was replaced by the chanting of birds. There you go, Frère Jacques, sonnez les martine!

With an odd feeling I opened my eyes. The sense of rush after being waken up by alarm had died down completely. The feeling of rebirth and neophobia was merged on this particular peculiar morning.

I was naked, on a bed. I turned to my left and saw the curtained window rippling the milky morning sunshine. Everything had changed. My foot kicked over a glass of wine as I tried to get off the bed. Red liquid started marching towards all directions on the red carpet. I felt the harsh wetness. I tried to stand up, but the gravity of hangover dragged me down. As I fell off onto the ground, a thud had probably woken up whoever was besides me last night. I heard a familiar voice calling me, and at least, threw me part of the jigsaw puzzles of what on earth had happened.

I still did not know her name by then, she did not know mine either.

I turned around in surprise. She had turned around to me, also naked. The thin sheet was flowing up and down like snowflake, fading around her chest into flawless flesh hue. her breasts visible as two tiny dots that reminds me of the sky at night. A light yellow universe unfolded in front of my eyes, with only two stars shining their eternal glory….

I now tend to keep my memory short about that day, about every day after she bumped into my life, whether deliberately or not, for the sake of the end of this story. But simply, I cannot.

More ironically, I’m telling the story myself.

And now it’s time to get back to whatever this damned story would go on.

I left her house that day, left her all alone in her bed, naked and weeping. I sweared I’d never see her again in the rest of my life, which was meant to be eternal. The light was more slashing than before, for the dancing snowflakes had gone tired and was resting on the ground, even chilly wind cannot force them to be back to stage again.

I finally got to see the house I had slept for the one night. A dying four-floor apartment building, the kind that offered moneyless people several hundred Euros per month. Black-white doodle stood lonely on the wall that I would bet on falling apart less than two years.

There was not even a ghost on the road. Such place stained my nerves lightly but at least I knew the direction back to town. I walked for one or two hours before I got home again.

I used to hate hangover. I thanked it that time for it had utterly wiped out my memory like an eraser, despite the nausee feeling that lasted all day long. I told myself everything is over now. I would move away somewhere new, and start life again; I would never be a suicider and would not see anyone. I have always been correct: solitary is bullshit. When life throws tons of excrement on you, the wise way is to shut yourself tight with what you only have in hand.

That afternoon, while I was packing, my telephone rang. I knew who that was: if she could find me, then she could get my number easily. I cut off the telephone line and throw the speaker into the furnace.

Not long afterwards, there was a knock on the door.

“I know you are inside, right there by the door,” she cried, “you got to open the door!”

I remained silent.

“Please!”

I chose to ignore.

The third time she cried, I could bear no more.

“Go to hell!” I shouted back. “You heard me, leave me alone!”

“I can’t!” the voice was dying down, probably for lack of energy and her infinite sorrow.

“Go suicide! Go to hell! If that’s what you came for!”

“I can’t….” Her voice could no longer stab through the wooden door. Vaguely I heard her sobbing.

“You can’t help me this time either,” she had more or less recovered a bit, but was still not that violent. “I’m the same as you.”

Like being hit by a thunderbolt, the word “same” meant so much to me.

“Please… please let me die if you would, if you can…. I can’t bear it anymore….”

Again, I made us coffee. She rested on the couch for a while. I sit in front of her. Sometimes I thought she had fallen asleep for she had stayed there like a statue for hours. But her opening eyes reminded me otherwise.

The first sound that broke the awkwardness was her cry. She suddenly bursted into tears with her eyes still wide open and blindly stared at her front.

I still could not calm down from last night. Watching her squeezed herself like a tiny pussy for warmth, a sense of shame submerged. I owned my part for last night, though I still did not know what on earth happened.

She suddenly turned her head to me. Our eyesight crushed together.

And we made love. I did not know how many times, nor did I asked her any question regarding her career as a suicider, or she had ever been one. We made love on the hard floor by the furnace. Flame cooked our sweat as I kissed her again and again and again. I remember I stood up during an interval to turn on my gramophone and played The Velvet Underground & Nico. And we continued under Tucker’s melodies.

We fell asleep on the floor. Her hands in mine, her head on my chest, our legs twisted together.

Next morning, I woke up finding her staring at me. “I wanna die, what about you?”

“Me too.” I replied softly, my lips touching her ear.

Death could be the most powerful amplifier in the world ever, for it prolongs everything in this world till forever. I have always been thinking: a perfect life would end at the point where you are with the one you love. But what a pity, mine’s cannot. Is it a crucifixion for my pre-life sin? I don’t know. Death is a release, my mom told me when attending dad’s funeral. I was scared, and was crying day and night. I asked my mom, what did dad do that he must leave?

“It’s not a punishment,” my mom told me, “death is a release. All of us would thank the God for giving us rights to die, which is the only path towards salvation.”

Am I a child abandoned by god, or merely unlucky?

I decide to trust bullshit.

She moved and lived with me, and said would be with me till eternity. Winter of my life had passed. She was April, who brought sun and rain and green. We’d traveled around, to many places that I never dared before, for the sake of unexpected acquaintance. People brought me trouble, so I stayed away from them. She was the whole human civilization for me. Who’d write an ode to mankind when there is a lover there for you? Who’d see people if they are in love? Who’d still care about the so-called “punishment from the God” if the force of love is fully capable for a redemption, even to redeem a person saturated in the blood of his victims down in the dim wet basement of hell?

My hand was like antenna, and she felt me as well.  A telepath freeway was built between us, a highway of love, as I called it.

She kept the exit of the hallway close to her heart, for me to get. Now I am writing all those fractured sentences merely served as a mean to rebuild the highway, into an unknown direction, into the fog, into the rain, into eternity. I kept thinking of her, and kept driving on the highway in time. Sometimes the track got dusty and rough, but I shall pass them. I always thought I would reach her someday eventually. But later I realized as my life was never to be ended, the highway would remain endless.

I drive along the highway, collecting tears by the way. I thought I would get at least a little more adjacent, but only to understand soon that I am getting away from her in time. It has been a while since her departure.

She left me on a cold sunny morning, the day of the first snow in the year. She closed her eyes in the feeble glow of my watch.

She had been lying to me ever since our acquaintance. I sure admired her, and in a rather twisted way, I envied her. She could be ready to end her life, whereas I could not.

I looked out of the window, into the snowy town. I am now back in the cottage in Finland where I spent the winter of my life. Now winter has arrived again, and I longed for a shelter.

Not long after her death, I got a text message. It was her. The text was short, consisted of two sentences.

“Now I die loving you, so I can love you forever.”

And then she added,

“You are indeed the best suicider in this god damned world ever.”

The End

Jan 6, 2017