#because the world is designed to make you feel like your identity and sense of self can be ripped away at any moment if you fuck up

[puppygirlgirldick]

new entry for the "doing hot girl shit" list: talking in an incredibly supportive space with incredibly supportive people and constantly second guessing the things i say and terminology i use and the things i experience when trying to relate and emphasize with the afab folks there, none of whom who would bat an eye or glance askance at any of the things i'm self-conscious over.

[zan0tix]

Hi tumblr user Zan0tix, I have to say that I love that you draw Jake as big and hairy AND fem. It's such a rare combination outside of mean-spirited caricatures, every time I see your Jake I get a big smile on my face. :)

Hi tumblr user HermitCyclop ^u^ here is a jake drawing for you 🫶

The transmisogynistic demonisation of these features is so maddening!!! I agree! Im glad that the intent (appreciating these features) of my jake design reaches you c:

GOING TO PUT IT UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY. But jake english gender meta because i think about it Too Much and am taking this as an excuse to infodump abt it. 😁

The alpha kids and their specific defiance of both homestucks gendered narrative AND real life societal expectations are so fun to think about to me!! but since we are talking about jake, his specific defiance of both homestucks models of masculinity and femininity in the context of his queerness is like the reason he is my fav character.

He props himself up that he wants to be the adventure "hero" in the homestuck sense (the hardheaded blue femme fatale) and the western media sense (the hardheaded action man) yet whenever pressed to actually act on what he says he always refuses or obfuscates. Because really what he wants is to just be himself! I really love the alpha kids because they all just want to be Themselves, not be restricted and defined by what is expected of them, (all the characters have this but the alphas particularly really hammer this home for me)

The heavy emphasis on their beta selves, the heteronormative archetypes they embodied and what went wrong in their lives that manifest as fears in their alpha selves... im always thinking about it. How differently society affects queer ppls choices in life and then the fact that they all get a second chance and getting to watch them live out that second chance and realize their queerness and them all caring so much abt eachother and wanting to aspire to be better FOR the ones they love!!!!!! it always tugs at my heart strings to ponder😢😢

IM SO GOOD AT GOING ON TANGENTS MY BAD but basically. The alpha kids explicit queerness and how despite the comic itself protesting, they are all shown to be deserving of love (of all kinds) And as a person who super heavily relates to jake, his experience with his own identity (and dirks unending adoration and love for him and likewise jakes belief and admiration of dirk) serves to me as a reminder that yknow! We are all worthy of love!! Even if we dont think ourselves to be (this is just the message of shrek.) and there is always hope to be found in things improving!!!!

But in a text thats explicitly queer and not shy about letting its queer characters do wrong in realistic ways i think this message is incredibly powerful and certainly one of the best things about the comic in my eyes. And i love embracing that in my art of the characters! Drawing queer (but here specifically trans) characters all getting to be proud of themselves and their appearances makes me feel proud of myself alongside them and I think its wonderful to be able appreciate other trans peoples experiences and looks through it too!!

I specifically in homestuck fandom dont really see anybody but twinks (usually dirk or eridan LMFAO) portrayed to be fem in any manner 😢 when jake is the most explicitly feminine man in the comic. (I think the transmisogyny thats kind of rampant in this fandom means people dont want to consider those outside conventional attractiveness being feminine or transfem identities outside binary transwomen if even that😭😭) I am being the change i wana see in the world 🙏 The amount of transfem fat gay bear jake in the world increases by one every time i post

[redditreceipts]

I was going to just block you, but im curious.

Why are you actually a terf? I'm genuinely wondering why.

Im sure you'll say something about biology or nature or the purity of womanhood but even so I just want to know why on earth someone can think like this.

Reply to this, don't, I don't care. Your words can't hurt me either.

hey :) So I'm a terf for the simple reason that I hate gender.

Gender is an oppressive social construct that has been designed to keep women in their place. For millenia, men have treated women like cattle in large parts of the world. You might ask yourself why these women never revolted? They make up half the population, so why did they never stand up, for thousands upon thousands of years?

It's clear that the reason is not that women like being subjugated, because there have been many matriarchal or egalitarian cultures. There has to be a social reason. So how could women in so many cultures be kept from revolting?

The reason is an ideological "superstructure". In philosophy, an ideological superstructure are the legal, religious and cultural institutions that justify material oppression. For the oppression of women, this superstructure is the concept of "gender".

The WHO defines gender as "the characteristics of women, men, girls and boys that are socially constructed. This includes norms, behaviours and roles associated with being a woman, man, girl or boy [...]." These norms and roles are constructed to justify the oppression of women to themselves and to others.

So what does that have to do with trans people?

A trans person is, according to Wikipedia, "someone whose gender identity differs from that typically associated with the sex they were assigned at birth." So that means that they don't identify with the gender that was imposed onto them. But now that we know that gender is an oppressive social construct, it would make sense to ask why anyone would identify with the oppressive social construct that was assigned to them. Why would any woman want to identify with the stereotypes that were constructed to subjugate her?

I think that we can go even further and say that no woman should identify with the norms and roles that were constructed to subjugate them. (Or, differently said: There should be no cis women. No women should identify with the norms, behaviours and roles associated with being a woman)

That is why I think that the entire concept of gender identity, and the idea that you can identify with the very superstructure that was only built to oppress you, is a convenient way for patriarchy to pass on it's millenia-old oppression as "inclusive" and "woke".

Gender is not something we should identify into and out of. The entire concept of gender is already toxic. There are biological males, biological females, and intersex people. Everything else is the ideological superstructure that needs to be abolished.

I hope that answered your question :) If you have any more questions, you can feel free to ask

[etherati]

Belmont crest and colorrrrssss

I have a lot of thoughts and feels about the colors used in various versions of the Belmont crest in the netflix show, and how it fits into traditional heraldry. I have decided to make that everyone else's problem. So.

In Leon's portrait, we see him in a surcoat of white with the Belmont crest rendered in azure blue.

In traditional heraldry the "white" component of this would be synonymous with the metal silver/argent, as matte white was not a meaningful color choice and all colors had to be combined with a metal (silver or gold) rather than another color. Now, I know that in the Doylesian sense, this color choice was made because of Leon's original character design, which utilized different tradition imagery and had nothing to do with the Belmonts specifically:

But the text is what it is and the show gave us the first Belmont in an azure and argent version of the Belmon crest. Color meanings vary depending on your source, but azure typically referred to truth, loyalty, and unwavering morality. Morality is, of course, a construct--you can imagine that for the rebellious ex-church-knight Belmont it probably had some input from the bible but moreso was informed by his own oath--to "battle the night". Yeah, this gets made fun of--he's the dumbass who wants to fight an entire time of day--but we know what he means, ok. He's swearing to defend the daylight world against the things in the night that would harm it. He is defining his moral position going forward very specifically--he will uphold humanity and destroy that which would cause it harm. In a fic of mine he described it as representing the daylight sky, which given that he's a vampire in that fic carries even more poignancy, but even in the canon version it works, because that is the moral field he is aligning with.

Meanwhile argent/silver generally refers to purity, sincerity, and faith, which yeah, this is definitely a character who has purity of purpose. This combination of colors suits a vision of the Belmonts that served humanity unerringly, who had faith even when the church itself seemed flawed, who defined their morality by the divide between daylight and night and executed it with sincerity and dedication.

Fast forward to Trevor's time. The family has risen and fallen. At its height it was considered a great noble family--a warrior dynasty, as Alucard put it. Trevor's tunic and his armor both bear the crest in gold; once we're in the hold, we see that it's set against a deep burgundy in the official banners and standards. 

Why the change? What does it mean? Red is obvious--it's the warrior side of them, the military might, the weight of generations of fighters and all the blood they've spilt. It's the most common color in heraldry because conflict and war were themselves so common, but the Belmonts (to our knowledge) weren't besieging neighboring Lords' territories. They defined themselves by their fight against the creatures of the night, defined themselves to the point that they became The Fight. The warrior is the largest part of their identity. In the same fic I had Trevor say that the red represented family to him, like bloodlines, which is not the traditional meaning--but given that nothing defined his family or his relationship with them as much as The Fight, I still think he was onto something. Additionally, red can carry the meaning of sacrifice and martyrdom, which also fucking fits, unfortunately.

As for the gold, usually this refers to faithfulness, nobility, constancy, and glory. On its own, it's a statement of those qualities--particularly nobility and faithfulness. Combined with warrior's red, the glory piece of it starts to assert itself. A family of martyrs and warriors, noble and glorious--that's how they saw themselves, anyway. The family had gotten so far up its own ass that it cared more about perpetuating those ideals and standards than it necessarily did about the original purpose and duty of its existence! Eventually Trevor re-finds that purpose, when he drops the cloak in Gresit and re-dedicates himself to protecting the people--but it's worth noting that the crest he displays in that moment is gold alone, without a specific colored field. The version of the Belmonts that defined themselves by the amount of blood they'd shed are dead and buried, their flags tattered; the one who survived has taken their steadfastness, their faithfulness and constancy and nobility, and managed to reconnect it to what they always should have been.

Which brings us full circle, back to Leon's portrait--because there's another crest, there.

Azure and gold. All the steady dedication of a long standing nobility--much less fragile than one man's personal purity of purpose--applied to moral defense of humanity and the daylight world, rather than simply to fighting and glory for its own sake. There's a reason this is the color scheme I plan for Leon to end up in, in my fic-verse, and is the one that I think may have been in between the other two, chronologically. It conveys all the Belmonts are meant to be and do, without reducing them to simply violence. They fight, not for the fight's sake, but to protect the people they've sworn to protect.

Anyway. Yeah. Uh, colors!

[a-town-called-hometown]

in regards to deltarune and character agency, i always assumed the darkners' agency being tied to the lightners' will was a direct parallel to the player character's agency (kris) being tied to the *player's* will (us), and that by making this the game's narrative (darkners are on a plane below lightners and are considered, in a way, less 'real', despite several having desires to break away from this hierarchy) the game is trying to call into question our relationship with the game itself, with the world itself. if the relationship between lightners and darkners feels unfair, then our relationship to kris should be in question as well. characters all have roles to play, but isn't that strange? why the prophecy, why the repetition, why do we, ultimately, have so much control? what gives us the right? it's all layers. us, lightners, darkners, imagine your whole world living and dying at the hands of gods that, out of boredom, could easily abandon you one day, or even destroy you? gods you were made to love and serve, and around you everyone says without them you can never be whole. who wouldn't want to rebel? i think if you're an advocate for kris's agency, you have to advocate for the darkners' agency. for ralsei's agency outside of kris or the prophecy or anything he's meant to do. i think kris and ralsei are narrative foils in this regard, one who blindly accepts his fate, and the other who tries to escape it, a character who does whatever he's told and a character who forcefully slips from our grasp. it just feels like set up to me for a lot more than 'escapism.' i'd say the main themes here are fate, agency, choice and control. even the mystery voice at the start of the game has their plans messed with by the other voice choosing to discard our vessel. every character is grasping at something they can't have, even ralsei can't have his narrative go the way he's planned because susie keeps surprising him lol

yes that's true!!! i would also argue that 'identity' is packaged in with these themes - deltarune is written in such a way where characters are not just grappling with fates and choices outside of their control, but also grappling with roles that they seemingly cannot escape.

the darkners are fantastical & metafictional version of this idea, given that they are both objects who need to be useful in order to not be abandoned and also npcs who serve an rpg-genre narrative function. ralsei especially fulfills several rpg archetypes as the friendly healer companion and as the guide npc. every major darkner has some kind of conflict involving the role they were made to play, whether it's lancer as "the bad guy" or spamton as "the spam email." even queen, who is extremely enthusiastic about her role, runs into issues because she is so zealous that she does not grasp what the lightners might actually want and need.

susie and noelle fulfill a more realistic version of this: the labels of bully and nice girl respectively are roles that neither of them exactly chose, but through a mix of environmental & psychosocial factors and a dose of self-fulfilling prophecy, neither of them know how to escape. berdly, while mostly comedic, is also a character who deals a lot with his real-world designation of "smart guy." susie breaks loose somewhat of her role in ch1, and we see noelle start to follow suit by the end of ch2. given that their existence isn't directly tied to their roles the way the darkners' are, it makes sense that they'd start to question and challenge these first.

kris, as befitting of their protagonist role, fulfills both versions of the idea. their role in the light world is an outcast who lives in their brother's shadow, and in the dark world, they're viewed as a prophesized hero. but they don't have full agency in either of these identities at all. they're being controlled by us, and the perceptions of them as an outcast and hero respectively are imposed onto them by other people.

meanwhile, almost all the other lightner npcs are different versions of characters we met in undertale. i would argue that this is another form of imposed identity, albeit one they aren't aware of. WE view them as their identities from undertale. I highly suspect that this will be something played with a lot more as future chapters go on.

the themes of choice & control all interlock with this idea of imposed identity. in a world where nobody can choose who they are, is it possible for people to eventually break out of what they are assumed to be...?

it's a game made to make us heavily question both a lot of rpg conventions and especially how we view characters in games. I'm very excited to see how the game will continue to play with its ideas of agency. it's such a brilliant idea to tell a story about fate by explicitly tying it to the way characters and worlds are written in games, and also by tying it to audience perceptions related to toby fox's last game. it's going to be so interesting to see how the characters deconstruct all those expectations!

[copperbadge]

For NaClYoHo you recommend putting on a 20 to 40 minute podcast episodes to clean to. Can you make any recommendations? The majority of mine run well over an hour for each episode.

I feel like podcasts have kind of gotten longer in general, is that just me? Maybe it's the pandemic, or maybe just my tastes shifting. In any case, a lot of mine run long now too, but looking at my playlist here are some shorter podcasts I recommend:

PEMcast -- put on by the Peabody Essex Museum in Salem, MA, they cover a wide variety of artistic and local cultural topics (their latest is about the bats the museum is hosting!)

99% Invisible -- about "invisible" designs that shape our world. "Used To Be A Pizza Hut" is a great episode, and their partnership with Articles Of Interest about Hawaiian shirts was brilliant.

Criminal -- True crime reported on by an extremely smart woman with a beautiful voice. It's not the typical true crime podcast in that she approaches it more like longform journalism, and sometimes the crimes themselves are very whimsical. She also does "Phoebe Reads A Mystery" where she reads one chapter of a public domain mystery novel each day; I recommend Dracula and The Portrait Of Dorian Gray, although there's a variety of lengths on those.

Bridgewater -- A fiction podcast featuring Misha Collins as a skeptical specialist in mythology who delves into the mystery of his father's death many years before. I stopped listening after season one, a bit disappointed in the denoument, but most of season one is great and I am actually going to try to listen to S2 as part of NaNo.

"City Cast" Your Local City -- not every city has them, but City Cast is a locally hosted show in most major cities about what's happening. City Cast Chicago is EXCELLENT.

Mailin' It -- the official podcast of the USPS, which sure is....something. It's fascinating to listen to in an anthropological sense, but also the subject matter is occasionally quite compelling. I especially like episode 7, "Stamps, An American Obsession".

The Allusionist -- all about how words shape our lives. I got into it with 145, "Parents", about gender identity and pregnancy/birth, which informed both Infinite Jes and Royals/Ramblers.

Levar Burton Reads -- Levar Burton reads SFF short stories charmingly. (This is on the longer side but most are still under an hour.)

Cautionary Tales -- Tim Hartford looks to history and what it can teach us; I run hot and cold but I stick with it because of gems like "The Art Forger, The Nazi, and the Pope", "Wrong Tools Cost Lives" and most recently "Photographing Fairies" (about the Cottingley Fairies and how Elsie Wright was, actually, the photoshop genius of her day.)

Mob Queens -- I will forever recommend Mob Queens, a single-run series about Anna Genovese, who dunned in her mobster husband, took over some of his business, and lived a queer and fabulous life with her butch partner as a gay nightclub doyenne in midcentury America.

Also most don't include lengths but the Participation Form Results Sheet has a spot for "what media are you going to use" and people have been putting suggestions. Readers, feel free to add your own suggestions in comments or reblogs. (Remember, I don't repost asks sent in response to other asks!)

Happy listening everyone!

[captainmera]

What are some other hairstyles you imaging the group in? Any fun ones that Hunter tried (or was forced into by Willow, Amity, etc) as his hair got longer?

THIS IS A LONG ONE (with art) SO I'M PUTTING IT UNDER A READ MORE! :)

first of all I think GUS would be the one with the most hairstyles, hats and drip in general - he loves the human world's culture and their way of using fashion to express themselves uniquely - including hair. I mean, he also has curly hair. So he would have durag styles, various protection styles, twists and braids. And, because his hair curls, he could vary between long and shorter styles.

I also think Gus would have styles that are more typically "feminine" too, as he is very gender-non-conforming in the crew's art of him.

Though, I will say, it works for Gus in-canon that he only keeps one style at first (narratively speaking, not realistic haircare - I think?) because then that would emphasise his time in the human realm later on to be an important developing arc for him (assuming they would actually give him various styles, as indicative of the bits we got of him in episode 1.)

I think, had season 3 happened, we would have gotten a more vibrant Gus. He wants to be an ambassador, he loves the human realm, whom else than GUS to be the one to have an arc where he explores and embodies the full-on SELFEXPRESSION!

Fashion and hair is a way to express the uniqueness of yourself. If Luz' wish as the main character is to be understood, then the (positive) characters around her will (one way or another) embody different lessons for that theme. Gus: Self-expression. (Fashion, style, hair, charisma) Hunter: Identity. (Confidence, self-love, self-respect) Willow: Inner self. (Vulnerability, self-care, self-acceptance) Amity: Outer self. (Presentation of your truth, pride of oneself.) Vee: Voice. (Standing up for yourself, perseverance) Camila: Support. (Union of group, accepting and giving love)

And I think their fashions/hair aka - character designs would reflect these various things!

On a more fun note I think the only reason Hunter could pull off his own unique style is because Gus helps him combine them properly.

Hunter really said dollhouse fairycore and Gus ran with it.

AMITY: Basic styles, probably thinking of her siblings to feel closer to them. Especially Emira's hairstyles. :) I think, because her mom was so controlling of how her hair presented, I think Amity moves away from doing too much with it and rather let it be adventurous and free.

WILLOW: Lots of braids and pigtails. I think she likes to have practical hairstyles as well as more "gentle" ones. The practical ones to reflect her jock-side, and the lose ones to reflect her more gentile and sensitive side! :)

<3

HUNTER: I think just keeps his in a ponytail or (as in the canon) just loose and shaggy without much care. Showing his early stages of being a blank slate. Just let things have it's course to see what "grows" from it, y'know? And then he gets his iconic haircut scene and literally "starts over" with a new arc. :)

<3

I think LUZ just keeps her iconic style that she's had through the show, with the additional tiny low-pinned ponytail that makes her look like a rouge adventurer! Kinda like Amity. I also think Luz hair grows a bit more wavy the longer it gets! :)

<3

VEE is also someone who goes through the most changes, but in her body and face rather than fashion. I think her style would be of the alternative side, perhaps a bit of a concert-kid vibe and basic comfy stuff. She's visually been shown to have the opposite expressions of Luz, quite literally being from opposite realms and having opposite personalities. Where Luz felt hopeful Vee was quick to give up. Our basilisk girl also seem to fit in more with the human realm, enjoying being a normie - after all, her life wasn't normal up till that point. So it makes sense for her to seek it and even find her safety in her own baseline.

BUT YEAH!

I THINK THAT'S IT????

ENJOY MY THOUGHTS.

[rosella35]

Kaleb's Bad Day: Part I

*clears throat* It's been a while, G/T community!

I don't get as much time for writing anymore with my uni degree in its final years, but this is a one-shot I've been working on for an obnoxious amount of time now based on a prompt I got a while back: What if Kaleb, my borrower character, shrunk in class?

To set the scene since the last time I updated Borrowed Courage was in 2022 *sobs*, Kaleb and Brooke live in a world where the borrower race was discovered 10 years ago and unbeknownst to humankind, many borrowers use a drug called "Upsize" to temporarily grow to human size and blend into society. This one-shot is canon but probably won't be added to the main story for timing reasons. It's set roughly 2 months after Brooke first discovered Kaleb's secret identity as a borrower.

Part II will be up tomorrow - I hope you like!

Content warning: contains angst, swearing and nudity (not graphic).

****

“Alright. For the rest of today, I want you to work independently through the exercises in chapter two of your textbooks. I’ll be floating around if anyone has any burning questions.” Mr Bell instructed the class. From his seat at the back of the room, Kaleb gritted his teeth in frustration. On any other day, he would be more than happy to follow his teacher’s instructions; learning about human history was one of the things he’d enrolled in school for in the first place. From a young age, Kaleb had been fascinated with the way the giants that owned the world had came to be that way, while his kind— the borrowers— had spent their lives hidden away in the shadows. Today, though, he was only half paying attention. Kaleb ran his hands through his scruffy brown hair, finding it increasingly difficult to ignore the incessant pounding that seemed to reverberate all the way from his skull to his fingertips.  

Something was off. 

It wasn’t uncommon or him to be getting headaches from going consecutive days using Upsize, the drug that allowed him to attend human school at five feet nine instead of five inches tall. Even so, they hardly ever set in this early in the week, and were never an issue unless he was moving around too much. This one felt different. It had barely set in twenty minutes ago and was already driving him crazy. With a pained sigh, Kaleb tried to preoccupy himself with opening his textbook to the designated chapter. It felt weird to consider, since borrowers didn’t get sick nearly as often as humans did, but… maybe he was coming down with something.  

From the seat adjacent, Brooke Tucker glanced up from her own work to frown across at him. “Are you good?” She whispered, leaning forward with her hand on her chin. 

Kaleb immediately stiffened, surprised she’d even noticed his discomfort. Am I that obvious? “I don’t know.” He said uneasily. “My head is killing me.” 

The human girl’s brow creased in concern, an expression she rarely ever directed at him. If he weren’t so distracted by the pain, Kaleb probably would’ve been flattered. “Could be a migraine.” She suggested, before adding in a lower voice. “Do borrowers even get those?”

“Yes, we get migraines.” He whispered back, rolling his eyes. Since she’d discovered Kaleb’s true identity back in September, the human girl had made it her mission to find every opportunity to tease and mock him about being a borrower. Still, Kaleb couldn’t quite shake the feeling that something about this particular headache felt familiar. No way. That’s impossible. He dismissed, turning back to his textbook. “It’s probably nothing.” He assured her.

That was when he felt it.

BADUMP. 

A sudden wave of pain reverberated through his body, making him sit bolt upright in his desk like he’d just stepped on a live wire. It was a sensation Kaleb knew all-too-well, because he’d experienced it every afternoon after school for the past four years. 

His Upsize was about to wear off. 

“Shit.” He hissed, feeling the colour drain from his face. His mind reeled, struggling to make sense of why this was even happening. It was like one of his worst nightmares come to life. He should’ve had more time. He always had more time. Had Rodney messed up his dose? 

Kaleb ground his teeth together, forcing himself to focus. There was no time to dwell on the ‘why’. He had to get out of sight, and fast. 

BADUMP.

The room spun as he was hit with another rapid full-body ache, and Kaleb almost collapsed out of his chair. He felt himself start to shiver uncontrollably, the primal fear of being seen overwhelming his senses. “Kaleb, what the hell’s going on with you?” Brooke’s voice echoed somewhere beside him. “You’re making a scene.” 

Shit-shit-shit-shit-shit. Kaleb didn’t have to look up to know that the whole class was staring at him, a tingling feeling that sent his borrower instincts to flee into overdrive. He glanced across at Brooke, gazing unblinking into her judgemental grey-green eyes like they were his lifeline. In that moment, he made a decision.

“Why’re you staring at me like that, it’s creeping me—”

“Come with me.” Kaleb blurted out. 

That was all the warning Brooke got before he’d clamped his hand around her wrist and launched out of his seat, dragging her along behind him. 

“Sorry Mr Bell, we’ll be right back!” He announced in a rush of adrenalin, practically stumbling out the classroom door. Brooke, who had been too bewildered to react to their sudden exit, finally came to her senses as they entered the empty hallway. She ripped her hand out of his grasp, ears reddening in second-hand embarrassment from what had just gone down.

“What the fuck was that about?” She hissed, though her expression shifted to concern when he leaned heavily against the wall several paces in front of her, clutching his head. For the first time, Brooke noticed the raw, unsuppressed fear in his eyes.  

“I can explai—” Kaleb started, but broke off with a startled yelp when he felt the shrinking process finally kick in. He could only catch a glimpse of Brooke’s startled expression before the ground rushed towards him and he was swallowed up by his human clothes that were suddenly hundreds of sizes too big. Within the span of a few seconds, he found himself back at his original five-inch-tall height and buried beneath the course folds of his t-shirt, chest heaving from the lingering adrenalin and body frozen in terror as the reality of his situation dawned. 

Brooke, having witnessed the whole thing, did a double take. “What in the—” One second Kaleb had been standing there in front of her, and the next… Her eyes fell to his unoccupied pile of clothes, and she swore, realising what had just happened. 

“Kaleb? Brooke? Is everything okay with you two?” She froze at the sound of Mr Bell’s voice from inside the classroom, his footsteps growing closer and closer.

Panicking, Brooke scrambled to scoop up the bundle of Kaleb’s clothes, quickly locating the squirming figure buried within, and shoved them behind herself. The second he felt her fingers close around him and lift him blindly into the air, Kaleb’s heart leapt into his throat. He shivered involuntarily, the sensation of powerful human hands around his entire frame serving as a stark reminder of how little control he had over their current situation. All he could do was make himself as small as possible in her grip and trust Brooke to handle things with the teacher. 

“Y-Yep!” The human girl said, turning around just as the Mr Bell poked his head out the classroom door. Her hands tightened protectively around Kaleb’s smaller form under the clothes, feeling his tiny heartbeat flutter like a bird’s against her fingers. She cleared her throat awkwardly in attempt to compose herself. “I mean… actually, Kaleb wasn’t feeling well. He went ahead to the nurses office, but would you mind if I go too? J-Just to make sure he’s okay.” 

The teacher gave her a strange look, and Brooke held her breath, waiting for him to notice the bundle of Kaleb’s clothes behind her back and effectively blow her cover story. After a moment though, Mr Bell’s expression softened to concern. “Oh, of course you can.” He said with a nod. “I hope he feels better soon. Don’t worry about missing the rest of the lesson. I’ll email the two of you supplementary work later today.”

She managed a strained smile. “Thank you.” 

The moment he disappeared back inside, Brooke took off down the hall, her mind stalling on what she was supposed to do next. There was no way she could actually take Kaleb to the nurses office without exposing him, and it would be too suspicious if she just up and left the building in the middle of class. She cursed. There was really only one place that would give the two of them some privacy, which made her uncomfortable even thinking about, but Brooke didn’t really have a choice. 

Resigned to her fate, she made beeline for the girl’s bathroom. 

Locking herself inside a cubicle, Brooke let out a relieved sigh. She sat down heavily on the closed seat of the toilet, turning her attention to the bundle of Kaleb’s human clothes in her lap and the tiny muffled voice she could suddenly hear through the fabric. “Can’t breathe—!”

Eyes widening, Brooke loosened her hold around the clothes. It seemed silly now, but in her haste to get to somewhere private, she’d almost forgotten that Kaleb had been with her the whole time, buried underneath the layers of denim and cotton.  She was about to reach in to try and pull him out, when she realised that somewhere amongst the folded material, Kaleb was not only borrower-sized but naked. Face heating up at the thought, Brooke sat back against the toilet and cleared her throat awkwardly. “Okay, you’re safe to come out. We’re alone.” 

Sure enough, it wasn’t long after she’d spoken that Brooke noticed a miniature head of scruffy brown hair poking out through the of one of the t-shirt sleeves as Kaleb revealed himself at last. He blinked rapidly in the harsh fluorescent lighting, scrambling to cover himself with his blanket-like clothes. Without his usual shirt and tan jacket combo, he seemed almost smaller than usual, his bare shoulders slim and pale and his breaths short and fast. Fragile was the first word that came to mind. Intuitively, Brooke knew that compared to humans, borrowers really were fragile and vulnerable, but those were never words she’d associated with Kaleb. Now though, he wasn’t even trying to hide the fact that his entire body trembled like a scared animal in her hands. 

That didn’t stop her from glaring daggers at him. “What the fuck, Kaleb!” She hissed. “You almost gave me a heart attack!” 

Kaleb flinched instinctively, his hazel eyes shooting up to meet her now much larger grey ones. Brooke’s angry expression faltered. Shit. He looked terrified— even more so than the time she’d found him on the apartment roof all those weeks ago. She swallowed, turning away uncomfortably. That look in his eyes… It didn’t suit him at all. 

The two of them didn’t speak for several minutes, awkward silence permeating the cubicle. Kaleb took that time to try and compose himself, his full-body tremors slowly dissipating as he tried to calm his pounding heart. It wasn’t easy to do by any means, but he appreciated Brooke’s patience. Finally finding his voice, he tilted his head to meet her eyes. 

“S-Sorry.” He said, holding the material of his shirt around his nude frame with white knuckled hands. He licked his dry lips. “No one saw… did they?”

Brooke sighed, making a conscious effort to shift to a gentler tone of voice. Now probably wasn’t the time for their usual teasing banter. “No.” She reassured him. “Just me.” 

Kaleb visibly relaxed at that, minuscule shoulders slumping under the thick material of his shirt. “Thank god.” He breathed, almost too quiet for her to make out. So he hadn’t been seen by anyone else in the class. Just knowing that was enough to ease a significant portion of his built up anxiety. With a clearer head, Kaleb finally paused to take in his surroundings, and his jaw immediately dropped when he caught sight of a toilet roll as long as he was tall. “What the—” He exclaimed, looking up at her with an aghast expression. “Is this the girl’s bathroom—?!” 

Brooke held back a snort as his tiny face turned beet red with embarrassment. Much more like the Kaleb she knew. “You didn’t exactly give me much time to think of a better place to go.” She pointed out, sitting up straighter on the toilet seat. “And while we’re on that topic, what the hell happened to you? Isn’t your wonder drug supposed to last the whole day?” 

Kaleb flinched at that and peered down at his smaller form, pathetically dwarfed by the clothes that had fit him perfectly less than ten minutes ago. Already, without the disguise that was his human height, he was starting to feel like the fraud he was; just another borrower trying and failing to carry himself with the same level of confidence and liberty as a human. “I-I don’t know.” He mumbled. “Maybe my uncle messed up the dose.” He wrapped the the fabric of his shirt sleeve tighter around himself, feeling more exposed than ever. “This has never happened to me before.” 

“Clearly.” Brooke said. “If I hadn’t been there to cover for you, you’d’ve been screwed for sure.” 

She felt him shiver at that fact, almost making her regret her choice of words. “You’re right.” Kaleb looked up at her again, his expression earnest. “Thank you, Brooke. Really.” 

Brooke blinked. That was unexpected. She shifted in her seat and looked away, hoping he wouldn’t notice her blush. With their current size difference, that was unlikely. “I-It’s fine.” She said. “So, uh… what now, then? Do you have any more Upsize you can take?” 

Kaleb pursed his lips. “I don’t keep any spare pills at school.” He admitted quietly, shuddering again despite the course fabric around him. “With Upsize, you need to wait at least an hour after shrinking before you can take another dose. It’s supposed to give the medicine a chance to leave your system, kind of like a cool-down period.”

“Right, of course that’s a thing.” Brooke sighed. She tried racking her brain for an alternative solution. “Well then, can someone come get you? Surely Evie would. I bet she’s bored out of her mind back at the apartment without having me to spy on.” 

Instead of laughing at her poor attempt at a joke, Kaleb looked horrified. “I can’t just leave early!” He exclaimed. “I’ll miss maths next period. Mrs Crowley said she’d be giving out final exam tips today!” 

Brooke couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “You’re kidding.” She started, holding back a disbelieving laugh. Looking closer at his tiny, pleading features though, her smile faded. “You’re not kidding.” She deadpanned, groaning. “Come on, Kaleb. How the fuck are you supposed to come to class like this? You don’t even have any clothes!”

Kaleb’s cheeks heated up and he pulled the shirt sleeve a little tighter around himself as he was reminded of his current nudity. “I can get clothes.” He insisted, his usual confident demeanour returning in full force. “I have a spare set in my locker. Climbing gear, too.” 

Brooke would have face palmed herself if her hands weren’t still cupped around his tiny frame. She regarded him quizzically. “Well that’s great, but isn’t your whole thing supposed to be not getting seen by the rest of the class?” 

Kaleb shook his head. “I don’t have to actually come to class. You could just, y’know, let me off into the air vent and I can listen in from there.” He suggested, giving her a clumsy shrug from amongst the bundle of clothes. 

Brooke just stared down at him, completely lost for words. “You’re crazy.” She muttered. “You’re actually fucking crazy. You literally almost shrunk in front of our whole class, and now you want me to just let you go off into the walls so you can catch some stupid exam tips?” 

“Brooke.” 

She didn’t hear him, her voice rising in annoyance as she continued. “And then what? Am I supposed to just stay back and look for you after class, like that’s totally not suspicious at all?!”

“Brooke.” 

“Ugh!” She wanted so badly to bang her head into the cubicle door. “Why do I even get myself into these situations? I swear, ever since I found out about you and your stupid little secret, my life’s been a fucking disaster—!”

“BROOKE!”

She broke off with a start at his exclamation, caught off guard by how loud he’d managed to sound despite his obvious disadvantage in size. Brooke bit her lip, breathing heavily through her nose. She almost jumped when she felt a slight pressure on her thumb. Kaleb had reached out to touch it with his much smaller hand, stroking the digit in attempt to reassure her. “You good?” He asked. 

“Y-Yeah.” Brooke replied weakly, her mouth dry. She didn’t want to say anything but the feeling of his tiny hand on her finger felt so… weird. Kaleb almost never initiated physical contact with her when he was borrower-sized.  

He nodded, meeting her eyes again. “I’m sorry.” He said with obvious embarrassment. “I got a bit ahead of myself there. I guess I just thought you’d want me out of your hair so you could get back to class. If you can help me to my locker, I’ll call Evie to come pick me up, and I’ll just email Mrs Crowley about the exam later.” 

Brooke sighed at his words, a much simpler solution coming to mind that she was probably crazy for even suggesting. “Or you could just come with me.” She pointed out, the corner of her mouth twitching in amusement when he blinked up at her. “What? Did you forget we have the same maths class?” 

“Come… with you?” Kaleb repeated, looking thoroughly unconvinced. “As in, on your person? Where would I even go—?” His broke off, eyes trailing upwards to the chest pocket of her oversized denim jacket at the same time hers did. His face lost several shades of colour, and he shook his head firmly, despite knowing deep down that he might not have any say in the matter. “No way. No way. I’m not gonna sit in your pocket all day like some house pet, Brooke! That’s just… that’s just embarrassing!” 

The human girl smirked down at him. “Well, would it be any more embarrassing than being tiny and naked in the girl’s bathroom?” Her hand inched up to ruffle his hair teasingly. “I mean, unless you’re secretly a pervert?” 

Kaleb swiped at her already retreating digit. “I’m not a pervert!” He snapped, pointing his own diminutive finger up at her accusingly. “You brought me here, not the other way around!”  

“Relax, I’m just messing with you.” She giggled. “You’re always so easy to work up like this.” 

Kaleb bristled. “Yeah, well can you blame me? When I’m like this, there’s five extra feet of you to piss me off!”

“Fair point.” Brooke smirked. “So, what’s it gonna be then?” Her hands edged closer around him, as she impatiently tapped her foot against the tiles. “I can’t just keep sitting on the toilet for the rest of the day.”

Kaleb sighed, turning his gaze downwards in defeat. He had to admit she was right about that. Stalling was only prolonging what they both knew had to come next. “Fine. I’ll come to class with you.” He hesitated. “Just… can we please get my clothes first?” 

Brooke looked at him, shock evident on her face. Did he really believe that she wouldn’t let him get changed? It was humbling to think that with Kaleb like this, without his bag or climbing gear, he was essentially putting his life and his autonomy in her hands. Just knowing that made Brooke soften her voice ever so slightly. “Um, yeah, of course. There’s no way you’re coming with me in the nude. That’s fucked up.” 

Kaleb breathed a sigh of relief at her reassurance, offering a grateful smile. “Okay… Well, in the meantime, could you grab me a piece of toilet paper? To cover up, I mean.” 

Brooke blinked, glancing across at the roll beside her. Hesitantly, she tore off a small strip of toilet paper between her thumb and index finger and handed it down to him. Kaleb took it, ducking under his sleeve for a moment to tie it around his waist like a towel. He looked down at his handiwork, rubbing the back of his neck. “It’ll do.” He muttered to himself, letting the oversized shirt sleeve fall away so that he was standing at his full five-inch height in her cupped hands.  

Despite herself, Brooke almost did a double take when she saw his bare chest for the first time. There was no denying it; Kaleb was ripped. The thought had never occurred to her, but considering his active lifestyle, she really shouldn’t have been as caught off guard as she was. A little more of a tan, and he could’ve belonged in a body building magazine. She tore her eyes away before he caught her staring, but that didn’t stop her cheeks from heating up. 

She coughed. “Right. Ready to go then?”

“That depends.” Kaleb smirked knowingly. There was really no way he could have missed a stare that size. He took a bold step forward in her cupped hands and flexed his muscles tauntingly. “Did you want a closer look?” 

“W-What?”

“Who’s the pervert now, huh?” He teased, throwing the label right back at her.

“Shut up!” In that embarrassment-riddled moment, Brooke reacted in the only way she could think of. She poked Kaleb harshly in the chest. Like always, he staggered backwards with a yelp at the impact, but this time neither of them had taken proper stock of their surroundings. As if in slow-motion, Kaleb tripped over the folded clothing behind him, simultaneously jostling free the poorly secured knot holding up his toilet paper toga. All hope of modesty gone, he fell flat on his back with his legs gracelessly splayed… within full view of the human girl holding him. 

The two of them stared at each other in silent shock for several seconds, and Brooke wished she could bleach her eyeballs. Instead, she opted for the next best course of action.

“AHHHH!”

[heavencanbeaprisontoo]

Living with Michael Gray

Michael Gray x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Fluff, heavy angst, references to Gina Gray, dr-g ab-se, depression, spoilers for season 5, infidelity, and period-typical sexism.

Domestic Michael Headcanons

Michael likes to move forward and that reflects strongly in the luxurious apartment he buys for you. He’s one who probably drew up the blueprints for the interior’s design. If he were to buy a home in a suburb (never the country), he would likely draw up the blueprints for that home too. Everything in his home is violently modern, on the cutting-edge of what new money can afford. However, in the midst of architectural perfection and hard angles of the Art Deco movement, there’s something missing. Michael. He has a beautiful home that looks exactly as he wanted it to, but it doesn’t represent him. This home has no soul. It is as hollow as the mask he wears.

Be prepared to go through phases of rarely seeing Michael at all. Michael has a very poor sense of work-life balance. When times are rough, Michael will take his puff of snow and bury himself into his work for most of the day. He’s likely to wake you up at some odd hour of the morning when he drops into bed, still half-dressed and on top of the covers. You can rub his back and try to tell him he’s working himself to death, he will not listen. Michael works like he’s running out of time. Like every second he rests is costing him a vital opportunity. He can be very jumpy, and moody, but it’s mostly the coke. It makes you happy to see him go to work. Then, you just get sad. 

When business is going well, Michael is at your side as a constant. Unless, of course, he’s still married to Gina. In that case, he might be lying to Gina about work being rough so that he can be with you as much as possible. Now that you think of it, was work ‘rough,’ last week, or was he just with Gina that whole time? If Michael is still with Gina in your world, you may never really know. 

When Michael is with you it can be hard to keep a straight head. The days where Michael is home, all his focus is on you. It’s addicting. His eyes follow you as he takes a drag of his cigarette, tracing the zipper of your gown as if to will it down. He likes to come up behind you as you undress for bed and nuzzle your throat, hands gripping your hips to pull you into him. His touch, his soft words, his promises of more wealth to come, it makes you forget all the ugly that comes with this beautiful life. 

Relationship Headcanons

Whether he stays in England or goes elsewhere, you always get the feeling Michael is lonely. Even with your arms around his neck, he gets this far-off look in his eye. You suspect it has to do with his family. He won’t tell you until you’ve caught him with a tear on his cheek and his mother’s photo on his desk. Michael hates to express regret or sadness, so it takes him some time to really let that out around you. If he does, he’s yours forever. You’ll be years into your marriage before he starts to talk to you about his adoptive family or his life in that little village he ran away from. He likes to say that he doesn’t think about it much, “Because it feels like it happened to someone else,” but you don’t believe him. 

In order to marry and have children, this will need to be a world where you meet Michael before Gina Nelson ever sees him. Because once he’s married, it would take a significant event for him to ever leave her. Love on its own cannot sway him. And Gina won’t let him go without a fight, even if she doesn’t like him anymore. 

So, you marry Michael. Not much will change in your life together until you fall pregnant, and it’s a positive change. Michael may be a work-obsessed man with a loose grasp on his own identity, but fatherhood is very stabilizing for him. He has a legacy to protect now. Someone who will depend on him and look up to him. It’s added pressure, but Michael can’t be happy without something to solve. Michael is very hands-on as a father, but only when it’s just you and him. He defers to you or the nanny to care after your children if there’s company around. That pesky masculine pride of his won’t let him look soft in front of other men. 

Until you have fully broken through his defenses, Michael will have frequent cycles of being “hot and cold.” There are days where he can’t take his hands off of you, lips attacking your neck and chest, buttons from your shirt clattering to the floor. He holds you like he’ll fall through the floor if he lets go. Michael will decorate you in fancy gifts like you’re a goddess and he’s your most devout worshipper. Then, weeks later, you may as well be invisible. If he’s home, he’s only there long enough to change his clothes and place a phone call. Might forget to even say goodbye as he rushes out to build a greater fortune. Michael will rush about the house without glancing your way or answering your questions with more than two words. Push him hard enough and he might say something he regrets. 

When Michael is calm, and sober, he’s a soothing person to be around. You can vent to him about your problems for hours and he’ll just listen. Michael is smart, and he’s educated, so you can talk about most subjects and have an invested conversation partner. Michael has no problem with debating politics with you or expressing his opinions. It’s when the topic becomes him, his family, or his feelings that things get difficult. He won’t press you about how you’re feeling. Isn’t the sort of person to dig into your private affairs. As long as you aren’t endangering yourself or the children, he will let you have your own world. Depending on who you are, this might be very refreshing… or you might feel very alone. 

[gohannygo]

Emerie lore speculation post?!! :O

Okay guys this is my little gift to myself for finishing my school work on time. Also like low key regardless if you agree or not, drop your Emerie predictions/thoughts in the comments— because for whatever reason my brain has attached itself to her, but she has like 5 mins of screen time and vary little discourse surrounding her :D

Okay guys I’m get real with you, I don’t think Emerie was created as an enhanced clone, or with some kind of special ability. I think she was made to be as plain and reg-like as possible.

Based on Nala Se’s reaction to Omega’s blood being sampled and tested, we can assume she knew and maybe even was responsible for Omegas ability to support an M-count. What I think happened was, Nala se was like “Oh oops it appears I have gotten emotionally attached to this child so I’m keeping her as my own, but I dont wanting any snoopers out there to trying to figure out whats so special about her,” so she created Emerie as a decoy of sorts. Essentially a female version of a reg to send out to the world to prove that theres no reason for anyone to inquire about Omega because look how regular female clones are. Like in a super heartbreaking way, my theory is that Emerie was essentially made to have no identity. To be an obedient little placeholder to take attention away from Omega’s existence.

Wow thats cool but why does it matter?

OKAY so throughout the premiere we saw that maybe there was some trouble in Tantiss paradise for Emerie. Shes been content(?) with complying and doing what is asked of her up until this point, but we saw her be willing to break rules for Omega’s sake, and we also saw how shaken she looked when Hemlock was like “Return to the lab, Dr. Karr”. She also looked like she was really pondering things at the end of episode three when she discovered Omega’s ability to support an M count transfer.

I think maybe during the rest of the season we’ll see her start to grapple with what she really wants to do here, as (I believe, in her own little way), she now has a sister she cares about and wants to protect. I think Omega, through her doll making and Batcher taming, has shown Emerie a little bit of light. That clones can have their own wants, and makes choices based off of them. But really, I don’t think a person who has presumably grown up being conditioned to follow rules and see herself as property would be able to quickly break out of that rigid structure shes used to and make a personal choice to try and keep Omega safe in a significant way.

What? Okay please just bear with me. Wording things is not my forte.

I think Nala Se will see an opportunity to further get in the head of an already torn Emerie. I think she might reveal her original purpose of essentially being made to protect omega. And emerie, who already sort of sees herself as a tool to being used for some greater purpose, will then feel almost like shes been given “permission” to disobey. Sort of like “Oh damn, not only is this something I want to do, but more importantly it was the purpose I was designed for yassssss”. I think she will continue acting as normal but will basically be a shooter on the inside for Omega and it will build up to her sabotaging further experimentation done on Omega if shes captured.

Idk if this makes sense or is dumb. But I just think it could be a cool avenue. Because we’ve seen clones grapple with what theyve done under imperial command and have seen some of them change their ways which is awesome. And, I think it could also be cool to see a character whos been so shaped by her upbrining, and doesnt have that soldier-ly sheer force of will to just defect. I think it could be cool to see someone go about a change of allegiance in a more roundabout way where they basically have to reason themselves through it because they arent equipped to do it any other way. But yeah its 2 AM now so goodnight.

Bonus: Here is an educational diagram I made of Emerie being “sent elsewhere” circa twentysomething BBY

[gemsofgreece]

RE: the Anon about bad Greek representation in the game Hades 2

Hello, I answered your ask last night however I was soon notified that the link you added came from a YouTuber who, apart from the incidental valid points made in this particular video, has altogether different motives and beliefs than the ones I wish this blog to be associated with. So I deleted the ask with the link but I am giving you my original answer regarding problematic Greek representation intact. Besides, this video does not analyze why such representation in the context of Greek mythology and identity is questionable but rather disregards diversity in media just for the sake of it. So any person interested in Greek matters won’t learn much from watching it.

Like I said the basis of his points in this video makes sense. However, I don't know, I feel like all this discourse regarding the poor, agenda driven Greek representation and the appropriation of the mythology drains me and for no good reason.

Unfortunately, I have realised that the people who support such questionable treatment of the Greek cultural heritage among other things, supposedly for the sake of the greater good of inclusivity and diversity, are absolutely not open to feedback and other opinions and appear unable to entertain the possibility that they have chosen toxic, problematic and - above all - counterproductive ways to support those very important values. The same exact thing is happening with companies - say Netflix and Disney - which are left scratching their heads about what is going wrong and all their new projects are bombing so bad. It is funny how so many people around the world consider the answer obvious but the companies are still having crisis meetings to solve the impossible challenge.

There are several reasons I do not bother much with it. First of all, all this discourse and the urgency for a diverse Dodecatheon is an exclusively American concern through and through. People from Africa, Asia and South America resolutely couldn't care less and I have read in several comments that many people feel weird about how North Americans and a few West Europeans act regarding those matters. I feel disconnected from all these people both in terms of age and interests and as a Greek I also feel entirely disconnected from all these "Greek inspired" products. We all know very well that there's nothing Greek about the Hades videogame, the LO comic, Percy Jackson, Kratos and so on. Literally nothing whatsoever.

The most annoying thing about it is that these people genuinely think they "know" Greek culture. But honestly I think at some point soon they will grow out of it. Most of them are really young and act young about it, you know? At some point the companies also will either shut down or change tactics and content. Because the "piss on" trend of course doesn't affect only the Greek culture but many other fields, i.e European history, classic literature, traditional fairytales, Norse mythology etc

Because this world operates so much on money, simply not giving something your money is your most effective way to voice your opinion. Don't pay for that movie or that game or that book. And maybe leave a review phrased in the manner of constructive criticism, not an aggressive attack, because this leaves you vulnerable in front of these ahistorical people who call every mere different perspective as "fascism" (the irony XD).

I am always far more alarmed by actual historical revisionism, especially the one that is happening around us, in places next to us, waaaay more than I care about a random teen in the other side of the globe who wants an Asian Hestia girlboss or else they can't sleep easy at night. You have to realise that such a person doesn't truly think this is how a Greek is supposed to or usually looks like. Such a person actually doesn't give a shit about the Greek look or anything Greek at all. All they care is what the videogame they play looks like and how much the designers agree with them or include features they have. The fact that the character comes from Greece is entirely irrelevant and incidental. They do not care. So I now feel it's a lost cause to even try to discuss this with them. Judging from comments I have read, they downright don't understand and they are visibly unwilling to understand what we say.

And I am always way more irritated by the double standards with which the Greek civilization is studied , the very real discriminations against Modern Greeks, the toxic levels of academic classicism, the historical appropriation in the West and in the Balkans for different reasons and above all else the amazing inability of our nation to care, address the problem and at least attempt to protect our identity with dignity and confidence. Compared to these, all the whims of fanfiction readers and videogame players just pale to me. I do react some times but it's not a regular thing.

[cosmic-navel-gazin]

Finished Felvidek and had a grand time!

Thought I'd do a lil list of things/moments/details I loved off the top of my head:

gave cursed coffee bean to a chicken and it mutated. Did it for science

game's got some twin peaks vibes, some monty python, a tad of hylics, along it a bunch of other ingredients, but it feels very much its own thing with its own identity

pear man and his daughters deserve the world, wish we hung out more

there's a fight with an invisible enemy, all your attacks miss because your guys can't see shit and I was laughing just imagining Pavol and Matej swinging their swords at nothing hoping to slay the forest fiend. Very Don Quixote, I love it.

the PS1 style cutscenes are sooooo beautiful I love them to pieces, they drip with style and charm. I knew I needed to give this game a go the moment I watched the trailer and was greeted by the cinematics. God I love them so much. And not just the syle but the directing itself, the way shots are framed, god...

I love the character portraits for everyone. There's so much detail and everyone feels unique/like an actual person with distinct features. From the Priest's very punchable face, to Pavol's grin to Josef's sexy ass... From main characters to NPCs to enemy sprites, I love everyone's design and colour coding (don't know if it was intentional but the purple for the cultists was neat, seemed to subtly imply early on that they were being funded by rich folk, since pruple is associated with nobility, power and wealth)

speaking of character design, shout-out to this lil guy, look at him please

Numnut the drunkard my beloved, I recruited him and less than a minute later he fell on flat ground into a nearby river (and drowns???). I reloaded a previous save to see if I could have him in my party a lil longer. I took a different path, got into a fight. "yay I get to see him in action!"- I thought. I used his one special move, called: 'good idea', and Numnut proceeds to punch his own face, dealing 90 damage (not even in the endgame did I deal such high numbers!). THE Character of all time, he drowned again after that and I'll never forget him.

BALLOON IN THE MIDDLE AGES! (possible Andrei Rublev reference? I can dream...)

just, the way things are worded:

cutting people's ears after killing them as spoils (and giving the ears to a maiden, as you do)

there's a quest where you have to cut a man's tattooed buttock to give to another guy, and it's all for nothing, you ruined a man's ass for nothing. I love it. The dialogue during this whole section had me dying.

I love that there's just this guy who lives in the castle's well. And our boy Pavol thinks it's a great idea to throw a bomb in there to make him come out.

this:

there's these lil inisghtful and mournfoul comments on the dead bodies you leave behind. Like, expressing regret at all the senseless violence and death or how cheap life is here. And I'm not sure if it's Pavol or Matej making them. It makes more sense for it to be Matej but I kinda like the idea of it being Pavol's comments, these small moments of introspection and realization in the midst of a drunken adventure. You've been engaging in all the violence while pissed drunk but then after you kill your opponents and look at their corpses... and it's like this sobering moment, before you're back at it with all the merry-making (I also like that a lot of these bodies don't disappear and just remain on screen, and you can see the carnage your guys leave behind in their quest)

the whole adventure felt to me like, this series of odd little events in a knight's life before it's passed down, told by and retold by different people, and after many generations it's been touched up and made more coherent and noble than the clusterfuck it actually was. Before it became a narrative I guess is what I mean

it can get a bit wordy and hard to follow but I really like the old timey way the dialogue is written and its dry sense of humour

there's these little subversions of gaming tropes that I found really fun too! Like as soon as Pavol's wife and your falling out with her is introduced you may expect a reconciliation between the two, or a moment where you have to save her and prove your worth and love to her to win her heart. As you would expect from a story with a knight and a damsel. But no she hates his guts lmao tries to murder him too! (tho I do think Pavol took her in that balloon ride at the end). There's also the fact that I am not allowed to play minigames! Josef wants to play tabletop games but your character always replies no. No minigames for you son! And like, this feels especially catered to me as someone who, more often than not, will dread whenever a game will introduce some sort of card game or the like. I was so happy that wasn't forced on me for once! Couldn't believe it. Kinda felt bad for Josef tho, I'm sorry Pavol doesn't wanna play Pexeso wth you.

the battle animations! I'm particularly fond of the eating porridge one, or the chugging down a bucket of sour cream, and the petard

the little *slaps face* animation

Pavol and Matej as a duo and the whole tavern scene with the two exchanging clothes

the lil moments of humanity where Pavol talks about his broken life and sense of self

the rare moments when Pavol stops grinning

it goes without saying but the art is absolutely gorgeous. Its nostalgic monochrome melancholy speaks to me on a deep spiritual level. Inject it directly into my bone marrow please. Shout-out also to the ost, it fucks and has tons of bangers. The Hrad track, the one that plays on Josef's castle... god... love at first listen, and have been listening nonstop for the last few days now while going on walks.

[harrisonarchive]

Onstage in Seattle, August 25, 1966; photo by Wallie Funk, via Center for Pacific Northwest Studies.

George Harrison: “For me, 1966 was the time when the whole world opened up and had a greater meaning. But that was a direct result of LSD.” Q: “How did taking LSD affect you?” GH: “It was like opening the door, really, and before, you didn’t even know there was a door there. It just opened up this whole other consciousness, even if it was down to, like Aldous Huxley said, the wonderful folds in his gray flannel trousers. From that smaller concept top the fact that every blade of grass and every grain of sand is just throbbing and pulsating.” Q: “Did it make you feel that your life could be very different from what it was?” GH: “Yeah, but that presented a problem as well, because then the feeling began in me of, well, it’s all well and good being popular and being in demand, but, you know, it’s ridiculous, really. I think from then on I didn’t enjoy fame. That’s then the novelty disappeared, around 1966, and it became hard work.” Q: “It seems as if that time was incredibly compressed. Did you feel that sense of compression?” GH: “That year — I mean, you could say any year, really, from, say 1965 up to the Seventies — it was, like, I can’t believe we did so much, you know? But those years did seem to be a thousand years long. Time just got elongated. Sometimes I felt like I was a thousand years old.” Q: “Was it at that point that your identity as one of the Beatles began to get oppressive for you?” GH: “Yeah. Absolutely — again, with the realization that came about after the lysergic. I mean, it has a humbling power, that stuff. And the ego — to be able to deal with these people thinking you were some wonderful thing — it was difficult to come to terms with. I was feeling, you know, like nothing. Even now I look back and see, relative to a lot of other groups, the Beatles did have something. But it’s a bit too much to accept that we’re supposedly the designs of this incredible change. In many ways we were just swept along with everybody else.” - Rolling Stone, November 5, 1987 (x)

[indiana-jonas]

The two invisible steps before you make something

When I made comic strips in the past I would often jump straight into drawing the first panel. I’d just wing it and then improvise each following panel. Sometimes it worked out.

An improvised strip from my old series “Us with plants on our heads.”

But often it just turned into nonsensical crap.

I don’t get this one myself.

I often started drawing a strip and gave up cause I didn’t know what to do.

I thought I was supposed to be able to fart out great comics with ease. But I squeezed and squeezed. I was too eager. Without being aware of it, I tried to do 3 steps all at once. To continue this (f)art metaphor - before anything comes out of you, you’ve gotta 1. find something you want to eat, 2. digest it, 3. let it come out. The problem was that I hadn’t eaten or digested anything.

To put it in a more dignified way.

The first step is to search,

the second is to make sense of,

the third is to make it.

I used to skip the first two steps, I wanted to get straight into making shit. But that often turned into nonsensical crap, or I would run into a wall and give up.

The third step (to make it) is the most obvious one. Despite it being the most obvious step, I got completely stuck on it because I hadn’t gone through the first two.

If you are reading this, it’s likely you already know how to make something. I think these first two steps are identical no matter what medium you are creating in. So I will take the liberty of not going into detail about how to make something.

Instead of trying to think of products first, what any creative person should try to do is think, search and wonder. Think about real things, notice what makes you feel stuff - what is close to your heart if everything else is stripped away? Ideally projects will emerge from the collection of the thoughts you have collected, or at least be designed/conceived in a way that can package your thoughts as nicely as possible.

Search

There’s nothing quite as uninspiring as a blank canvas. 85% of the time a blank canvas only makes me feel dread or boredom. If you come up with a great idea while looking at a canvas it’s not because you looked at a canvas, it’s despite looking at it. Whatever great ideas I have managed to conjure while looking at that white rectangle has always come from something else - an inspiring movie scene, something from my day, a lingering thought, or a line from a song.

Now I’ve abandoned blank canvases, I never start from one. Neither when I write or draw.

Instead, I live in search of noteworthy thoughts. Regardless of whether you know what a thought will be useful for, jot them down somewhere.

To search is just to live life with a keen eye, ear and heart and to make sure you don’t forget.

When I stare at a blank canvas The Search becomes stressful and I want to avoid it. But in reality, if I admit that The Search is part of the process, it becomes the most peaceful and interesting step of them all. It’s just living with a secret mission - to be human and to find out what’s special about that to you.

And of course you need to make sure you don’t forget those thoughts for the next step.

Make sense of

Now that you’ve been out in the world and discovered stuff, it’s time to sit down somewhere, sift through and examine your haul. You might be overwhelmed by how much is in there. You’ll never be able to use everything. So you just gotta use your intuition. See what stands out, group things, talk with someone - do ANYTHING you want with it until you find what’s hiding there.

Your notes are a collection of countless puzzles. Some puzzles are hundreds of pieces big, others are just one or three. Some pieces fit into more than one puzzle. You don’t know. Often you’ll have to find a few pieces in your head to complete a puzzle, while other pieces might still be hidden out there in the world.

The way to make sense of a puzzle is to try to put it together, or to be literal; try to explain it as clearly as you can. Ask yourself, “how can I prove to someone else that this is true?” And ideally not just make them understand it, but also feel it. That’s the puzzle you gotta solve.

Let me give you an example.

I found myself frustrated that we live life too much through screens and I want to make a Space Deer comic strip. That’s the idea I want to make sense of and the filter that I will examine my idea through.

First I will ask myself, “ok, why is that idea true?”- I think life needs balance, you shouldn’t stare too much of it away through a pixelated representation of it. Then I ask myself, “how should we live then?”- We should go outside and get our boots in the mud more, what we will really remember is probably gonna happen out there. And then I try to think of a situation where I can show as clearly as possible that this is right. I’m afraid this message might be tired or preachy, especially if I would aim the message directly at someone like us (you know, someone who’s currently looking at a screen). Luckily the imagery of my comic gives me other symbols to play with.

So I thought of how I could show that in four comic panels and wrote down this.

Space Deer walks on a desolate planet. They encounter a mars rover. They scream “get out here and live!!” NASA people see Space Deer through their screens.

It’s simple, but it gets the idea across. Normally I would like to make it clear that Space Deer is really out there and living freely, to show what these researches are missing out on. But in the comic we will see Space Deer explore and go on all kinds of adventures, so that’s something I didn’t feel like I needed to put more emphasis on. I trust the reader to make that connection themself.

Sometimes making sense of an idea can be much harder, in this example the idea was an entire puzzle on its own, or maybe I had the remaining pieces in my head already. Sometimes all you need is just one piece in front of you to know where to look for the rest.

Make it

And then of course the last step is to just make it. (Step 4 is to share it. Step 5 is to repeat it.)

I have made decent comic strips despite jumping straight into drawing, or so I’ve thought. Thinking back on it, I just managed to search and make sense of an idea as I was drawing. I didn’t magically skip two steps, that’s impossible. I was just not aware of what I was doing.

Now that I know the steps, I’m much better at understanding why I tend to get stuck in different parts of the process.

In reality these steps are not always as clear cut. They will blend into each other, you might do some back and forth, making sense of and making something is a fuzzy line. This is not so much a step-by-step process as it is a journey you have to go through. It has definitely helped me to be more methodical and intentional about it though. I’ve set myself up in a way where it’s fun for me to get each step done. I might go into that in the future.

If you only take one thing with you from this - I hope it’s that you will be aware of and feel more at peace with the first two steps.

--------

If you found this interesting then you might enjoy these blog posts too.

When you don't know what to draw

I will never find my art style

Lazy imagination isn't bad

Thank you for reading my thoughts!

[gale-gentlepenguin]

Gale’s Top Ten: Least favorite episodes of Miraculous Ladybug (as of season 5)

With Season 5 finished and my posting of my top 10 favorite episodes, it’s time I crank the meter the other way. Now some rules

1. Like always this is my personal opinion, and if you liked these episodes, that’s great. I would love to hear your reasoning

2. I will be judging them SOLELY of what was shown in the episode, not by any leaks that came out before or after. I’m solely judging on what is seen and confirmed

3. Word of warning, I will be pretty vicious with my critiques. Also profanities will be thrown.

Now before I go into them, I should give some congratulations to some episodes no longer in my bottom 10

Captain Hardrock: You are still a lame episode, but not the worst you are actually decent in comparison to some of these.

Stormy weather 2.0: Clip shows still are awful, but there are worst things

Frozer: In the grand scheme of things this episode really wasn’t important and there are worst character writing

___________________________________________

10.Sole Crusher

Revisiting this, it really isn’t a good episode for ML. I don’t know what was more Shoehorned in, Zoe’s character arc of replacing Chloé or the lucky charm.

It also makes little sense that Marinette would be the one pushing for Zoe considering her experience with Chloé and her family (especially after Season 5 revealed her trauma).

Now Zoe isn’t a bad character, but she will always be seen as the replacement Good bee, and she deserves better writing.

Honestly it could be argued Queen banana should be here, but that episode is too much of a s***post that I get more enjoyment out of it. This is trying to play this straight and it don’t feel right.

9. Qilin

This episode has a some things going for it, great akuma design, decent action. But it also has a ton going against it. It’s in a series of episodes I like to call “Thomas’ gets political” and I will tell you this, he sucks at it.

I would try and explain further but I am aware I would butcher the topic, all that should be said is, racism tackled poorly and Marinette says she will pay for a ticket that her mother didn’t deserve to get in the first place.

Also the animation looks off in the episode, it just looks so bleh. 

8. Migration

Remember that whole reveal that Luka knows both Ladybug’s and chat noir’s identities and how he kept that to himself?

Well that FINALLY gets addressed. And are Ladybug and chat noir mad at him? No. No consequences for him.

The whole episode acts like he is such an important character but this is one of 2 episodes he’s in where he has more than 2 lines.

Then he gets to travel the world with his dad because monarch found out he knows.

Kagami got akumatized twice and she knew Ladybug’s identity, step up your game Luka.

Also the fake out with Rose was bulls*** and everyone knows it.

Also the entire episode had everyone but Luka lacking brain cells.

I don’t rank it lower because while it annoyed me greatly, there are worse offenders on the list.

7. Animaestro

Astruc complains for 22 minutes that nobody cares about him anymore.

Also Marinette teams up with her bully which after watching Derision, WOULD BE THE LAST thing she would do.

This is the worst example of the Creator calling out the audience, There are other episodes like this but this one is the least entertaining. And if the ending of season 5 is concerned. “I’ve seen your writing, so I can FUCKING CRITIQUE IT YOU ARROGANT PIECE OF…”

Okay, I’m calm. Point being. It’s his call out the critics episode and it sucks

6. Furious Fu

I HATE Su Han.

He is a worse version of Fu in every stretch of the imagination.

The episode where Su han shows up and starts making demands is stupid. The only thing he has going for him is his fighting style which he never teaches the two people that could have needed it!

The episode isn’t lower because despite Su Han’s impact, he really doesn’t do much and he is just there to be a nag later on. Also Fu’s akuma looks dope as hell and gave Fu some slack.

5. Feast

So remember how Su han showed up in the last episode. Well he and all the other guardians were gone for over 100 years because they lost to a 4 Foot blue dog made by a hungry child.

This episode isn’t as bad as the others as a stand alone, but knowing the lore makes it sound so completely stupid. Like Fu was HAUNTED by his past and we find out it was because he was hungry when training and the guardians COULDNT handle that? All trained to fight miraculous users should they go rogue, couldn’t beat ONE DOG. The mysterious order is incompetent as heck.

It’s just so stupid. Also Fu was acting irrational af over all this didn’t help.

4.Reflekdoll

I want everyone to know how massive this is, Reflekdoll is no longer my least favorite episode.

For anyone that follows me, my SEETHING hatred of this episode is well documented.

I won’t go on about how the tropes were horribly done or ignored, how off the banter was, or even how stupid everyone is this episode. Because I’ve discussed it in length.

I will simply say, Thank God there is Passion, so if people want a GOOD kwami swap episode they can watch that one.

3. Miracle Queen

I’ve talked about this episode to death on here. But really the only flaws with it are the last half of the episode.

The drama of the first half is great. But the ass pull of a memory wipe, the clear degradation of Chloé’s character, and just the simple giving up of Hawkmoth, he could have easily still won if he pushed a bit longer. The ending was depressing but also a clear example of how the writers put themselves in a corner with no way out.

The only thing that makes it worse is Fu’s replacement (Su han) ends up being a worse teacher.

Also considering how they spent season 4 quickly getting Marinette and Adrien out of the relationships with the love rivals, even they realize it was a dumb call.

__________________________________________

2. Ephemeral

Hey, let’s make an episode to explain why Adrien can NEVER know his father is the villain.

This episode is the go to justification of the writers on why Adrien will always be sidelined. It was also the unofficial reveal of the sentimonster theory before it was said pretty much outright in season 5.

The worst akuma design. Marinette gaslighting, gate keeping chat noir at its worst.

Gabriel wins and gets his wish.

And none of it mattered and no one remembers it except I think Sass. So it was pretty much pointless.

Not even the ladrien and cute reveal could save it.

And don’t even get me started on how pointless and avoidable it is.

It’s almost funny because despite how pointless this was, it’s still better than number 1.

1. Re-creation

So many cool concepts, great designs. Marinette dropping a piano on Gabriel. So many great things. But it also had some flaws, like having Adrien sidelined, and the focus on heroes from the specials for practically no reason. But all of that could be forgivable if the ending lands…

It really shows how an AWFUL ending can fuck up everything.

Imagine having 5 seasons of fighting to stop a villain from getting the miraculous to make the wish only for him to WIN! Yes he wins. He gets to make the wish, you know the wish that was said should NEVER be used. Of all the stupid, asinine, Shark Jumping BULL SHIT. Who the fuck APPROVED THIS HORSE SHIT?!

So he gets his wish, and he gets a statue HONORING HIM. What the fuck? Adrien, who was ABUSED now sees his abuser as a hero and EVERYONE THAT KNOWS THE TRUTH IN HIS LIFE IS HIDING THE TRUTH FROM HIM. Nathalie, Marinette, Felix, Kagami. Even PLAGG!

And the whole utopia crap, everything is just perfect now, because the villain got what he wanted.

That’s a great lessons for kids! (Blatant Sarcasm)

But let’s really dig in, the ending left a LOT of things vague. And hilariously ALL OF THE POTENTIAL OUTCOMES ARE SHIT.

1. Emilie was revived and Nathalie got healed.

So Gabriel gets everything he wanted from the wish, justifying everything he did and he gets treated like a hero and another person hiding the truth from Adrien. Marinette knows everything that brought this about and is keeping that from Adrien, but is justified slightly because it could encourage Adrien to try and get his father back with a wish. Also brings up the question of who took Emile’s place.

2. Only Nathalie was healed.

Gabriel ended up with Emilie like he wanted, gets treated like a martyr, Adrien is technically an orphan, Marinette is knowingly lying to him about his father and Adrien continues to get Gaslit.

3. Emilie is revived, Nathalie is healed, and memories were altered

Gabriel’s wish basically shaped EVERYTHING how he wanted, meaning he is still in control of Adrien’s life even in death. Even his own wife. So while this removes Marinette covering for him intentionally, it just means Gabriel was so much worse.

4. Nathalie’s healed and memories altered

Gabriel gets to be with Emile and has shaped Adrien’s life even in death. Everyone basically puppeteer by him as he died. Sure he’s dead but he also retconned for his redemption, which is bullshit.

Now there are people that defend this ending/potential ending.

I’m sorry but, unless they revive Gabriel and he gets exposed, Adrien finds out the truth, and he gets held accountable for his actions. I can’t feasibly imagine this ending being good.

The writing staff aren’t going to do Anything about this, they are just going to move on to Lila as the main villain and say the Agreste plotline is over.

If they Do, do something, I’ll happily take back my words and alter my view of the episode but right now.

It’s one of the WORST season finale’s I’ve seen in my life.

[chiniece-curlygirlystory]

Girlhood + Hair

A huge part of girlhood for me was surrounded by my hair, particularly how it was styled. Being a young black girl in the Caribbean, I think it's indicative of our experience at one point we'd sit in between our mother's legs or a very close relative to have our hair braided on a Sunday afternoon before school on Monday. Styles ranged from extravagant partings in canerows, braids, and two-strand twists adorned with clips, bubbles, and ribbons to make us look presentable. This was the case for me until at some stage my hair was relaxed. Moving from detailed and creative hair designs downgrading to a simple container of chemicals making my once kinky hair filled with expression into a sleek conformative look. I can remember being 6 years old when this happened, my mother had relaxed hair it was easier for her to manage at the time and she thought why not do the same to me? I was old enough for my young scalp to take on the harsh chemicals. I still remember the pink and green box with the little girl on the packaging her hair straight with curler set curls in them at the end, I thought wow I'd look so pretty like that too. Although now I look back on it as the innocence of my virgin hair being stolen from me. After I turned 14 I decided to no longer have my hair chemically relaxed I wanted to get to know my natural hair. I couldn't remember what my hair looked like when I was robbed of an experience figuring out how to manage my hair. So I took it upon myself to go on the journey of becoming a natural again. I did the big chop and rocked my tiny afro for quite some time then my sister did my hair in afro kinky twists for the first time. It made me feel like the prettiest girl on earth and no one could tell me otherwise. She had never done that style before on anyone, I was basically her guinea pig so she could figure out how to do it on herself. I of course was more than willing to be a lab rat, they looked wonky but I didn't care I loved them because I had never seen myself like that before. I felt pretty with my hair relaxed yes, I loved getting my hair put into a fresh curler set every Sunday, but something about the kinky twists had just resonated with me more. I felt a sense of identity with all its imperfections the wonky parts, I felt different and that was better than anything in the world. Another part of your hair journey as a young black girl was when you were allowed to get your first set of box braids with colour at the ends. For some reason, the universal option chosen is more often than not purple.  I've asked my friends and they too said their first experience with coloured braids was purple. We all gravitated to purple there's something so innocent about our collective love of the colour purple in our hair as young girls juxtaposed our different tones of beautiful skin we all looked phenomenal. Even now as I'm on the cusp of being a full-blown adult entering my 20s I still find myself experimenting with my hair in different styles. This year alone I've done several styles from faux locs, butterfly locs, Marley twists, box braids with beads, French braids and lace front wigs. I always find myself back to kinky twists, they hold a special place in my heart they opened my eyes to see my true beauty in a natural state. My younger self got to experience that feeling of getting a natural hairstyle done for the first time I'll never be able to get that back again  I do envy my younger self for having that feeling of being renewed, reborn, liberated even. Hair and one’s journey with their hair is a particularly important part of girlhood specifically black girlhood that no one speaks on and I'm glad that I'm able to do so through my blog.

     I didn't go natural I started to love the hair I was born with.

           -Your favourite Curly Girly 

All photos used can be found in the linked Pinterest board :)