#because what else explains my silly little life like the character that introduced me to transness a solid 15 years before I transitioned

[georgekirrin]

For those wondering who George Kirrin is: may I present 8-year-old me's hero, a 1940s children's book character

[caffeinatedopossum]

storytime. a special little story just for you and the people following you.

so recently i learned i probably have borderline. i found this out through my own research when i was like 15, but then i ignored it for several more years because i thought it couldn't be true because "my uncle has that and i don't think our issues are the same" <- (misguided). still can't afford a therapist or a psychiatrist, but I've been keeping a notebook of every time i notice something that may be a clue as to what's up with my brain, have been keeping that record for close to a year, and here we are.

anyway, most of my symptoms aren't very fun to talk about, and I'm not going to get into it, but there's one thing that's kind of a funny story.

so 3 years ago i meet this dude online because he's hosting a silly ARG/online rp where he's always in character as the characters of the story. i start hanging out with "one of the characters" casually, but over time it's clear that this guy is just hanging out with me for the sake of hanging out. we start just, yk, hanging out outside of the server, and we hit it off! we become fast friends, and he introduces me to some of his irl friends.

ffw like 2 years, most of his friends are pretty offline so i don't really get to see them much, but we get along. I'm thinking of moving 12 hours away from home to live in their town one day because these people are basically family at this point. and, uh oh! i have a crush on the arg guy (or so i think). this is bad, because he is in a committed relationship.

ffw again to like 3 months ago, diagnosis pretty solidified, talking to people with bpd for mutual support. one of them introduces me to an idea, that a lot of people with bpd have a "favorite person". we start talking about it and, lo and behold, the description fits my feelings about this guy to a T. something else i hear from people is that, much like was the case with me, it often feels like a crush, but there aren't always romantic feelings involved, and after some soul searching, i realized that's the case with me. for context, I'm also asexual, and part of my personal relationship with that is having a hard time knowing when feelings cross into being romantic vs a really strong friendship.

it was so relieving, not just to feel like i was understood, but because i knew now that because it's not romantic, that i could sit down with him and have a talk about it without feeling like I'm going to put a strain on anything.

i was still very afraid, but a few weeks ago i did it. we sat down, we had a talk, i basically said "you are like more than a friend to me BUT NOT LIKE THAT LET ME EXPLAIN." without getting too into it, he told me that I've been his emotional rock and one of the closest people to him for a long time, and he trusts me with a lot. i told him a bunch of stuff i did/do that i was worried would seem "creepy" but needed to get off my chest (thinking abt him to self soothe, him being one of the 'narrators' in my head, the fact he sent me a card like a year ago and i still read it sometimes, etc) and he called it NOT creepy and in fact VERY CUTE. we were both flustered by this entire conversation and i think both of us walked away from it happy.

i love him sm (platonically)

also he called us moirails to mess with me and i told him I'm going to maul him. he homestucked me. i got homestucked. deplorable.

Aww that's so nice, thanks for sharing!

I'm also asexual/aromatic and it's nice to hear about other people who feel the same way I do.

I've also dealt with A LOT of having to do my own research, confirmation of symptoms, imposter syndrome about it, etc. but hopefully I'll get actual medical professionals to back me up once I'm on health insurance again. (Like with autism and DID for example, which both make sense for me to have and affect my life a lot but I still often feel like I'm wrong or have no right to claim those disorders)

[llycaons]

ep7: ah, young love

okay so this episode had a lot of EXCELLENT scenes but also some that don’t land very well and read as a little tryhard and poorly thought out. imo

since we weren’t done being beaten over the head with the parallels yet 😭

exchanging significant looks! the first (?) of MANY. they will have a long career in staring at each other ahead of them

oh damn is that what the original plan was? fuck, this plot is boring

this is so sweet. wwx got a little connection to his grandmaster

I remember wwx having much bigger ‘rip to you but I’m different’ vibes but he seems more chill here this rewatch

FAKE ROCKS LMAO

this is actually one of my least favorite tropes/moments for wx. it just feels like a contrived situation that’s designed to make the audience go ‘oohhh, that’s gay!!!’ without any intentional input or decisionmaking from the characters. like it turns them from subjects into objects? it’s hard to explain but I think this is annoying and meaningless as a romantic writing choice

I love how I can read lwj again now. and he looks SO hurt and betrayed

also his face/nose look rounder than usual. he’s always had round features but they look accentuated in this shot. another reason that lines about lwj’s sharp jawline confuse me in fics

aw shit did he say zhiji

wwx is so cute when he’s serious

lwj writing off wwx as telling stories and being silly, internally rolling his eyes, and then VISIBLY reassessing when he realizes that wwx is actually being very clever in misdirecting nhs. like ‘OH. he’s smart!’

wwx literally looked at lwj for five seconds and jc lost it lmao

all of his looks of sadness tend to be so...private? inwardly directed? he’s out theoretically in public but he’s experiencing this sorrow entirely unconnected from anyone else. wwx tends to be expressive when he’s sad, jc is loud and physical, jyl reaches out to others. but lwj usually doesn’t let anyone else see, then just tucks it away like this

this shot is so fucking funny. wx and xy awkwardly standing in the waiting room as the evil cc does heretical experiments in his throne room

I usually don’t endorse assigning a character top/bottom status because it’s dumb and unrelated to how real life people act. that being said this man is a slut and I fully believe he knows what he’s doing. where’s that post about him being erotically darth vader chocked by wrh

awww jyl is so pretty

man, wwx really was a dick to nhs

ah I love this scene. so pretty!

mm! lxc and lqr being there too is so nice. it’s easy to forget that they’re teachers too and they look after these kids

CLASSIC SHOT. I fully endorse the ‘lwj had a crush he was confused and frustrated by, and at this moment his crush compounded into genuine and very intense young love’ I don’t endorse love at first sight I think it’s silly

at first I felt bad because jzx didn’t want to be in an arranged marriage (fair) and wwx kept going after him for it but nah. look at his face. what a tool

wwx trying so hard to protect his sister’s heart/reputation bc he loves her but his public freakouts just embarrass and humiliate her more 😭

I love that lwj has never looked this confused before or since

I love youuuuu

so funny that this is how we’re introduced to jfm, who is notorious for having no backbone

this is what I mean when I say wwx seems to be from a different setting than other characters. nobody else would do this type of exaggerated posturing. it gives him such a distinct personality and mannerisms, which is probably really hard to write coherently

interesting you say that, with your history. you who never married, hm?

I cannot believe that people genuinely think jfm was as bad or worse than myu. for all his faults, he stood up against jgs to ensure his daughter didn’t end up in an unwanted marriage like his. and he doesn’t treat wwx (or jc) as well as he should, but myu would never have taken wwx in and never would have loved him or defenced him or taught the way jfm clearly does. he does treat jc badly, but it’s not like myu treats jc much better, and the fact that she treats him worse because wwx is around and better than him at stuff doesn’t reflect on jfm or wwx, but rather on her as a person. I have a soft spot for jfm despite not really respecting him at all

the song playing here is SO sad god he misses her so much

jyl saying wwx will marry a beautiful woman, because she thinks him flirting with guys is a phase or something?. I actually read her as very sweet and loving to wwx, but straight and not really totally understanding how his attraction to men is just as important to him, if not moreso, than his attraction to women. a few explanations for his response

1. he means it because he’s not bi as speculated, he’s gay (possible - he’s been very forward with the porn and the insinuations)

2. he means it because he’s already sold on marrying lwj (VERY early for this to be the case imo. also he was laughing about living in CR and the idea of someone marrying lwj just a few eps ago)

3. he means it because he genuinely doesn’t want to get married he just wants to hang out with his big sister (if so: 🥺😭)

4. he’s pretending to joke around but he really means it but he doesn’t know why yet (given how good he is at masking his own desires and avoiding his own feelings, perhaps this is most likely)

5. he’s fully joking in order to make her happy (he doesn’t seem that serious to me)

imo if the writers wanted this to be a legitimate moment of wwx expressing his desires that conflict with jyl’s (and the rest of society’s) views on what marriage should be, they should have maybe not framed it so lighthearted? ah, it’s wwx, he hides what he really wants under jokes all the time

in the book he actually inspired like, dozens of disciples to drink and shirk their classwork instead of just nhs and jc. very funny ngl

hard to see in this shot but wwx’s look of what I can only describe as awe when lwj walks in. my boy

I love his confidence he’s so funny

oh everything hurts

he’s so funny playing around with the bunnies and making them talk. too much ‘chaos gremlin’ wwx not enough ‘playful and sweet’ wwx

something I really love about these early arcs, despite that yin metal plot being so boring I could cry, is how protective wwx is of lwj. he really cares about him and wants him to be okay!

overall despite adoring young wwx and lwj, and enjoying many of the scenes in this episode, I still think this arc has the least compelling wx. but it's laying really important groundwork for plots and relationship dynamics that will become delicious later, so I don't mind

personal highlights

lwj’s confused face

wwx being very dramatic

jfm defending jyl and jzx’s right to decide who they marry

xy, for being very entertaining in his sluttiness

wwx making the bunny talk

wwx being protective of lwj

[subtletruamadumping]

Random Bits; no title

______________________________________________________________

Not for the faint of heart. I wrote this in the middle of realizing how awful a lot of the things that happened to me in the past were. I can't believe I ever thought this was a good idea to write. Probably pretty cathartic, tho.

TW: Incest, Murder, Rape, Pregnancy, Pedophilia. Legitimately, this is one of the worst things I've ever written. If I could burn it, I would.

I don't remember exactly when I wrote this. I don't have a lot of memory of this point in my life.

______________________________________________________________

“Do you really know how your father died?” The little voice startled the men. They turned quickly to the voice. Ada had entered the room silently behind them.

“Do you really know how your father died?” She repeated, coming further into the room.

“Of course, I do.” Lord Drake hissed at her “Get out of here, you brat.” Her head turned slightly, listening to his words, then she began to slowly move towards him.

“I don’t think you do, truly.” She murmured “It’s a long, sad story. You seem to think he died from an accident. However, I know it to be a murder.”

“Murder?” Drake scoffed “Don’t be silly.”

“It is the truth.” She told him “I know it. I know the motive. I know the means. I know the murderer. Perhaps, however, you think such tales too foolish and prefer not to listen?”

“Out with it, girl.” He growled “How do you know so much? What relation would you, a girl of fourteen, have to my father’s death, which was more than thirty (?) years ago?”

“Oh, this story doesn’t only involve me, of course.” She explained “There are many major characters, but I will introduce them when they become necessary to know. At the beginning, however, we shall just start out with Sir Drake, your father. You knew him, I presume?”

“You watch how you speak, girl.” He barked at her “Remember, I am still your master and you can still be punished.” She smiled thinly and nodded, but didn’t back away.

“Our first character, then, is Sir Drake. He was very much then as you are now. Cruel, violent, and unforgiving. His sins are very similar to your own, which you probably know. Where else would you have learned them? You see, your father found himself an Ada; a little girl he could rape whenever he pleased. You won’t remember her, it was before you were born. This little girl’s name was Eliza, our second character, and he was so cruel to her that he nearly drove her to death with his beatings. Unfortunately for Sir Drake, Eliza was a very fertile girl and soon bore him a child; a son. Not wishing disgrace, but also knowing his own wife was barren, Eliza was cast out, but the son was raised as a Drake. He was named... Richard.” Lord Drake’s jaw tightened with this word and his fingers dug into the leather of the chair.

“You lying witch.” He hissed “This is complete nonsense.”

“My Lord, we have yet to come to the part of his death.” She said innocently “Wouldn’t you care to know that bit?”

“You do not need my permission to continue. Be aware that the more lies you tell, the worse your punishment will be.” She smiled and nodded, again, but kept talking.

“Richard grew into a young man that was so much like his father, Sir Drake’s wife threw herself out the window of her bedroom.” The little girl continued on in her soft, slow voice “That is well known by all, so I shan’t spend any more time on it. Richard, with no moral guidance besides his monstrous father, somehow managed to seduce himself a wife. She bore him two sons before she realized the magnitude of her mistake and left, taking the youngest. Little did she know that there was another child she hadn’t gotten to care for.”

“Another child?” Drake scoffed “How would my own wife not know if there was another child?”

“Because, this child wasn’t her’s.” Ada answered softly “Perhaps you remember a servant of yours. She helped in the kitchen. Do you not remember Gladys?”

“Should I remember each of my servants?”

“It matters not, but she remembered you. You see, Lord Drake, you have a nasty habit of raping your servants, just like your father. It can be logically assumed, then, that you raped Gladys. She conceived a daughter, for you, but had to run away before she could tell your wife.”

“What does this have to do with my father?” Drake snapped “I don’t care about the child, tell me about my father.”

“Very well.” Ada sighed “Gladys came to you specifically. Your horrors are well known, but she still came to work for you. Why would she do that, any sane person would ask? I know the answer. Gladys wasn’t her original name. It was Eliza.” Silence filled the room as Ada smirked slightly. She couldn’t see it, but Drake’s face had lost all color and his mouth hung slightly open. Ada paused just long enough for the words to sink in, but didn’t want to be interrupted. She continued on.

“Eliza wasn’t to be allowed on Sir Drake’s estate ever again, so she went elsewhere to seek her revenge on him.” The little voice didn’t waver or stutter as she let the story unfold “She knew of Richard’s family and went to work for them under an assumed name. She found her place in the kitchen and bided her time, knowing, someday, Sir Drake would pay the house a visit. She suffered through all your rapings, beating, and torments. She suffered through it all and waited patiently for the day Sir Drake decided to visit for supper. You think it was a stupid mistake? A slip of the hand that dropped the poisonous mushrooms in the stew? If that were the case, then why did only Sir Drake become ill? Why was it only Sir Drake, a few days later, that died in his bed? It was no stupid mistake, but a clever revenge ploy that succeed.”

“Where is this girl, now?” Drake growled “Where is she? She thinks she’s got her revenge, but I’ll make her life more miserable than--”

“You can’t.” Ada interrupted “She died giving birth to your daughter.”

“Then, where is the child?” Drake sneered “She’ll pay for what her mother did.”

“Her mother? You mean, of course, your mother.” Ada politely corrected him “Do you not remember that I already told you she also gave birth to you?”

“You lie.” Drake snarled.

“I wouldn’t lie for fear of the punishment.” She said flatly “Everything I have told you is true and everything I will tell you is true.”

“Then, where is this girl?” He hissed “Show me this child that your speak of.”

“I have.” She said, a smirk twisting her lips “I am your sister. I am your daughter.”

“YOU LIE!” Drake roared, throwing his chair back as he leapt to his feet.

“I do not lie.” She replied “I tell the truth and there is more to it. You raped my mother to conceive me and she ran, frightened if she was found to have killed your father. She ran, then had me. I came back, though, to get my revenge. Mine will be different, though. I don’t want you to die. I want you to suffer for the rest of your days knowing how you’ve committed these disgusting acts. You think raping your mother and then your sister and daughter is the worst of it? There is more. I’m am with child.”

“YOU LIE!” He roared, again.

“I do not. Your child is what is making me ill, not some sickness. And, don’t try to argue with me that the child is not yours. The only other man to touch me died before I conceived. When you killed Dustan, you destroyed the only way for you to blame someone else. Your sister and daughter is carrying your son, grandson, and nephew. This is my revenge, Richard Drake. Now you finally see yourself for what your really are: a disgusting bastard who pleasures himself with insest!”

Her face had flushed red and her fists were trembling. Her eyes were on fire, dimmed slightly by the fog in them, and she spat in his face with surprising accuracy. Drake let out a horrific shout and lunged at her, knocking her to the ground. She screamed and clawed at his hands that found their way around her throat and Nathaniel rushed to pull him off, using all his strength to free the little girl. She coughed and sputtered, curling on her side as she gasped for breath. Nathaniel held Drake by the arm, still pulling him backward as he growled and screamed at the girl until he was able to drag him out of the room.

[buckyownsmylife]

Follow you - Chris Evans smut

The one where Chris becomes your roomate and finds out he has a domesticity kink... and more

Warnings: Smut, breeding kink, domesticity kink, friends to lovers, rommates au, pandemic mention, hair-pulling kink, daddy kink, cockwarming, kind of allusion to an age gap, but can be read as reader being into teasing chris

Word count: 4.1k

A/N: Thanks to @mollygetssherlockcoffee​ for reading this over and helping me make it better! You’re the sweetest person ever!  this is for my own birthday celebration challenge! Like I explained here, I’m going to try to fill every single AU I listed with the characters I picked for the challenge, and since the deadline if May 27, these fics will be posted randomly, as I finish them. Hope you guys like it!

Chris’ P.O.V.

“C’mon, sweetheart,” I’d been trying to convince her to close her laptop for the last two hours, unfortunately without any luck. She just glanced at me before returning to her document, and I groaned as I left the living room in search of what I knew we needed.

“Close the laptop and I’ll give you a sip.” This time when she looked up, she found me holding a bottle of my most expensive whiskey, the one she’d been dying to try ever since she first got invited to my place.

It was a tense moment of evaluation while she took in my offer and her workload, her head turning from her computer to me and then back to the device again, and I found himself growing anxious because of how desperately I wanted her company that night.

“Please?” I tried to convince her, even going so far as to pout - which at least earned me a giggle. I considered it a win, especially with the way it made my chest warm up. “C’mon, we deserve it! After the week we had?”

She frowned when she thought back on the stresses we had confided in each other for the last couple of days, and I watched with glee when she slowly closed her laptop, prompting me to wave my arms around in victory. “We?” She teased, getting up to stand before me with her arms crossed in front of her body, making me laugh.

“Alright, so maybe just you.” I couldn’t really deny that my work “problems” paled in comparison to hers. “Listen, I’m only trying to help.” She narrowed her eyes at me, reaching out for the bottle and unscrewing it before taking the sip I’d promised.

“Shit, this really is good.” A smug smile took over my face as I wrapped my arms around her, walking us back to the couch before making us fall over it.

“Only the best for you, babe.” I watched her roll her eyes at the pet name, snickering at how it affected her. I knew it made her giddy and she hated it, it’s why I insisted on doing it - or so I told myself.

Something deep inside of me whispered differently, though. I tried to ignore it. She was my best friend and we were going to be living together for the foreseeable future. No one knew when this pandemic would let up.

And lord knows that nothing positive had ever come out of my investments in romantic relationships. So every rational thought in my mind was begging me not to overcomplicate this. I couldn’t stand to lose her friendship, anyway. That’s why I had invited her to spend lockdown with me - my need to know she was okay, and be able to have her around whenever I needed to vent.

She was the only one outside my family who got my anxiety well enough to help me work through it when I was feeling bad, and she had even been able to prevent me from having panic attacks more than once.

I just couldn’t imagine going through this with anyone other than her. I simply hadn’t anticipated how fucking horny this period of forced sexual privation would make me, and I never expected her to become a willing victim to my needs.

But boy, once the liquor hit and she ended up over my lap, shivering as she rode my thigh without a care in the world, was I glad that she did.

“Is this what you like?” I asked, looking up at her with my mouth hanging open, unbelieving of how fucking sexy she looked as she used my body for her pleasure. I didn’t even care that my cock was straining against my jeans, begging me to move her on top of it. As long as I could keep enjoying the show, being a part of it, I was satisfied.

“I wanna learn it,” I pressed, moving my hands to hold her ass, squeezing it the way I’d always wanted to do but never allowed myself to dream about. “I wanna learn how to please you.” She made me feel something I hadn’t felt before, in any of my past relationships. There was attraction, of course, but there was also this deep, familiar feeling that made me feel at home. It made me feel safe, and with the help of alcohol, I was desperate to explore it.

“Ugh,” she groaned, letting her head fall back, drawing my attention to her breasts, the way they bounced in front of my eyes, unfortunately still covered. My mouth watered at the sight of it, wanting nothing much than to strip her bare and wrap my lips around one of her nipples.

“Don’t say stuff like that, Evans.” The comment threw me off, making me frown as I took a hold of the hair on the back of her head and yanked her to me, devouring her lips. They were soft - so much softer than I’d ever allowed myself to imagine.

“Why not?” I panted against her mouth once I was forced to separate from her taste of whiskey to search for some oxygen. She kept moving, her eyes hazy and glossed over, and it sent a pang of lust straight down my body when I realized it wasn’t completely due to the drinks we shared. There was also desire in there.

“You want to learn?” She asked, hands bunching up my shirt as she used her hold to grind against me faster. “Then fuck me, Chris.” She molded her body to mine, engulfing my lips once more as I laid her down on the couch, excited to have her underneath me - excited to see her naked body, explore it, get to know every little thing that made her tick.

I knew it would be a moment I’d forever remember, regardless of the amount of bourbon in my blood. I just never expected it to become something I was so eager to relive over and over and over again.

It was supposed to be a one time thing. When I woke up in the morning, I was ready to go back to being roommates. We were good at that. She was a morning person, by the time I woke up every morning, she already had breakfast ready for me, and then we’d go out to the backyard to let Dodger out together.

We’d sit and talk and then I’d go for a run - she’d have done her yoga already, while I was still asleep - I’d answer some e-mails, she’d work on her laptop by my side and the silence was just as comfortable as all of our late night conversations.

She’d sneak out to the kitchen and come back with a few sandwiches for our lunch, and then the rest of the day would go by with us doing whatever mundane task we had in mind, together even if we were doing separate things, and I didn’t feel suffocated.

I didn’t even run out of things to say. By the time dinner rolled around and I followed her back to the kitchen, cleaning up the dishes while she fixed us dinner - I wasn’t allowed to cook in my own stove, mostly because she was terrified of my food but hid it under the excuse of that one time when I started a fire - then we’d eat together, watch a movie together, talk until we fell asleep - always together.

I was shocked. It’d never been this way in any of my previous relationships. In fact, I was certain it was the reason why they had never worked. I’d given up on any realistic expectation of settling down precisely because of this: I just never expected to find anyone with whom a day-to-day life wouldn’t eventually grow boring.

It’d been three months and I still loved to wake up to her coffee. We still fell asleep every night side by side, too tired to move into different beds because we had laughed our asses off after skyping Scott.

And now that sex came into play in our relationship? I just knew there was no way I’d ever go back to being nothing but friends - or living in a place where she wasn’t the first person I saw when I woke up.

It sucked that it took a pandemic and a night of alcohol to make me realize that, but damn, was I grateful that I decided to open a bottle of whiskey that evening.

I kept waiting for the catch, the moment it would all go to shit, but it never came. Our lives resumed to how they used to be, only now I had this ongoing inner battle to not just bend her over the nearest piece of furniture when we were busy, and the ability to do exactly that whenever there was nothing else to do.

And for a while it was bliss. There wasn’t a nagging voice inside my head questioning this arrangement because it was theoretically perfect. I had a best friend, a roommate and a fuck buddy, all wrapped into one single person that I adored.

Life couldn’t possibly get better - until I realized that I wanted more. Talks of lockdown being over started and she had plans of going back to her place, of course, but I couldn’t stand the thought of being away from her.

I wanted to see my family too, but I wanted to take her with me. Introduce her to my mom, see her get along with my sisters. Witness how she’d be with my nephews and nieces - I knew how much she loved kids. And that’s when it hit me.

I’d given my heart to her. Somewhere between the morning coffees and afternoon runs, the nights where I’d rant about all of my silly problems and she actually listened to them - really listened, never making me feel bad about what could only be described as rich people problems.

All the innocent little gestures, and the not so innocent ones - when I discovered she was exactly the nasty slut I’d always dreamed of, the way she would randomly drop to her knees and suck me off, even while I was on the phone. Most times she didn’t even let me repay the favor. She just genuinely liked to blow me.

She also liked to play with me randomly, like when we were watching a movie and she mindlessly reached for my crotch, rubbing me until I got hard. It almost always ended in sex, and I just loved it.

I loved it, and I loved her, and the idea of her ever sharing this idyllic lifestyle with anyone else made me irrationally jealous.

And that’s how I knew it. I didn’t want to mess it up. But how could I not fuck this up?

Xxx

“Chris…” Her sweet voice called out to me, reaching my ears while I was hiding in my office, trying to get my thoughts in order so I wouldn’t just randomly blurt out what I was feeling for my best friend to my best friend.

To her credit, she didn’t try to force me to keep her company - but that only made me fall even deeper for her, leaving me a complete and utter mess while she went about her day as if nothing was wrong in the world.

“Yes?” I looked up to see her by the threshold, clearly reticent about invading my privacy. It made me smile, thinking back on all of the times my exes hadn’t been as understanding, even after I let them clearly know what I was needing.

“I made cupcakes, do you want me to bring you one?” The thought of her in the kitchen, baking a sweet treat just for me had my cock twitching in my pants. Biting my lips, I pushed away from my desk to finally get up and stretch my legs, taking advantage of the monitor to hide my hard-on.

“No, I’ll come eat them downstairs with you.” She smiled before leaving, and I soon trailed after her, walking into the kitchen to find the most delicious-looking little treats, just waiting to be devoured.

Much like her, I supposed.

I was reaching for one of them, already licking my lips in anticipation when something caught my eye, prompting me to raise my gaze and look at her again, but really look at her this time.

She was wearing an apron.

There was nothing inherently sexual about the damn thing, but the way she looked with it, going about her business in my kitchen like she owned the place… It just felt right, seeing her there.

And suddenly I couldn’t hold back anymore.

“Y/N…” I started, leaving the cupcake back on the counter and brushing off the crumbs as I circled the kitchen island to go stand in front of her. She hummed before turning to meet me, smiling slightly to signal that she was listening to what I had to say.

But I didn’t know how to say it. So we just stood there, staring at each other until eventually her smile became a frown. “Chris, what’s going on?” I still couldn’t speak. Much to my absolute surprise though, she just sighed, wiping her hands on the apron while shaking her head, a knowing smile on her face.

“You’re stressed, aren’t you? You’ve been working so much, that’s why I thought the cupcakes would be a good idea,” she explained nodding towards the tray where her sweet treats laid. “They’re a reward and a break all wrapped in one delicious cake.”

The comment was like a punch to the stomach - or a scalding wave of desire rushing through my body, straight to my groin. The idea of her thinking about my needs and catering (quite literally) to them just did something to me, and I didn’t know how to explain it - I don’t think I understood it myself.

“But since they didn’t work…” she continued, blissfully unaware of the conundrum she had put me into. “I know something else that will definitely work.” And just like that, the woman dropped to her knees in front of me, reaching for my sweatpants before I could find a way to close the mouth that was hanging open.

“I guess I’ll grab a sweet treat for myself.” She looked so devious, small hand encircling my already pathetically engorged member, that all I could do was whisper an, “Oh, shit,” when she immediately wrapped her lips around it,  starting to suck me off without any preamble.

My fingers were white as I held onto the counter behind me to keep myself up. She looked so good, staring up at me with her lips wrapped around my dick, I felt like I was about to blow already.

Why did she have to be such a fucking tease?

“Oh, God,” I moaned when she managed to engulf the entirety of my member inside her throat, the choking noises getting to my head. My hand instinctively laced with her hair, first to hold her lips close to my navel, then to pry her completely off of my member.

“What’s wrong?” She questioned once she was able to speak, surprise written all over her features while I was still staring down at her slightly teary face and trying to find my voice.

“I-I have a problem.” There. I said it. I had finally made some progress in my goal to let her know what was going through my head. Only instead of curiosity, what I got was a confused expression from the woman still holding my dick, her eyes darting from my own to the member throbbing between her fingers.

“No, you don’t!” It would have been funny if I wasn’t so fucking frustrated. Yanking her by the hair, I complained, “Not that kind of problem!” pulling her to the living room so I could throw her on the couch, trying to ignore her moans of pleasure in the process.

I’d figured out pretty early on that she had a pretty serious hair-pulling kink, and if my plans of sitting down and having a level-headed conversation were ever in motion, they surely went out of the window the second she pulled my body down to cover hers and adjusted my cock so it would easily fill her.

“Son of a…” I groaned, letting my head fall down against her chest as the little vixen gleefully giggled underneath me, legs wrapped around my torso as she tried to thrust up and tempt me to move.

“Just wait a second,” I managed to reason, but she just shook her head.

“Fuck away your problem, Chris. Use me. I want you to.” Motherfucker. I really couldn’t catch a break with her. Just as she started to make me move again, my hand instinctively wrapped around her neck, lightly squeezing it just enough to get her to shut up.

“I wanna start a family with you,” I finally spilled, looking deep into her eyes as I tried to ignore that I was still balls deep inside of her. Her eyes widened, and now her mouth was the one hanging open.

I couldn’t really relish in it because she looked absolutely delicious and she felt stupidly heavenly to my throbbing dick.

A few seconds went by without as much of a reaction from her and I was about to pull out - despite still being achingly hard - but her legs held me tighter, stopping my plans of leaving her tight haven.

“You know…” She started to speak, a little out of breath, catching my attention as I finally gathered the courage to look her in the eye again. “When I first met you, I thought you were the epitome of a fuckboy.”

The unexpected sentence had me snorting, and then I just couldn’t stop laughing. Finally pulling away from her, she fixed her hair when she sat up and I did the same, shaking my head slightly as I rubbed my eyes.

Our own relative nakedness - well… mine, she was wearing her usual dress with no underwear under the damn apron - didn’t affect anything when I pondered over her words, until I decided to break the silence.

“I mean… I think I was?” She chewed on her bottom lip as she took in my response, analyzing it, weighing its validity in that gorgeous head of hers. I was nervous, but she hadn’t blew me off yet. And quite honestly? I’d do anything for that little hope that was growing inside of me.

“What changed?” Was her question, so unexpected I couldn’t help but question, “Huh?”

“What made you change?” It wasn’t an unwelcome inquiry, especially when the response became clear to me, lighting up my brain and warming my chest, spreading all over my body until I had no choice but to voice it.

“I realized I could have a future with you.” My smile was vulnerable but honest, and in her eyes, I could see that she knew that. When she threw one leg over my lap, straddling my hips, I allowed myself to breathe deeply again, leaning on the soft cushion while taking a hold of her ass.

“So, how are we gonna do this?” She non-nonchalantly asked, slowly rubbing herself against my still half-hard member. I groaned when I realized the implication of her words, knowing that the meaning paired with the feeling of her wet lips dragging along my cock would get it back up in no time at all. “You wanna do me right now?”

The brashness of the question made my eyes light up, as weird as it may sound. In that moment, it became clear just how perfect for me she really was, giving me what I needed exactly in the way I didn’t know how to ask for it.

“See? This is why I’m in love with you.” She rolled her eyes at that, making me laugh. I’d anticipated the gesture, I knew it’d take her longer to say it, but it was alright. The fact that she was willing me to give me a child was more than enough proof of her feelings for me, if her entire behavior ever since she moved in wasn’t already.

“Shut up and fuck me, Evans.” Throwing her back against the couch, she yelped in surprise when I took off my shirt and slapped the inside of her thigh, assuming my usual position of hovering over her smaller frame.

“Spread your fucking legs, darling. I’m gonna fuck you real good.” The way she bit her lip as I slowly penetrated her again showed me just how excited the prospect got her, and as I started to make good on my promise, her moans told me just as much.

“Holy fuck,” she commented as I pounded her ruthlessly, weeks of frustration and the rush of anticipation getting the best of me, and I was glad for the feeling of her nails biting into my skin because otherwise, I’d probably run over the edge of not even caring about her own pleasure as I chased mine.

“You gonna cum inside of me, honey? Make me a mom? Finally fulfill your dream of becoming a daddy?” Her words detracted me from my task of sucking bruises on the skin that was now mine to bruise, mine. I threw my head back, yelling a, “fuck yes,” as my hips sped up, desperate to fill her up, but I was determined to get her to cum before me.

“Say it,” she ordered, small hand circling my throat as best as she could, a throwback to what I’d done only moments prior. It wasn’t enough to choke me, but it did catch my attention. “I wanna hear you say it.”

Tears escaped the corners of my eyes as I blinked, the intensity of the moment overwhelming in the best of ways. “God, you are such a fucking tease…” She chuckled underneath me, giving my throat a squeeze before she raised up on her elbows to kiss my jaw.

“Better get used to it… daddy.” And just like that, I realized that I had yet another kink I hadn’t known about before her. Or maybe it was just her, and I was obsessed with the damn woman, painfully turned on by every little thing that she did.

“I’m gonna cum deep inside your little pussy, sweetheart,” I finally gathered myself enough to do as she asked me to. “You’re gonna belong to me forever now. Give me kids, make me happy. How do you like that?”

The mischievous grin she gave me told me everything. “I love it.” I knew this was her way of saying what she couldn’t yet voice, and I’d take it. I’d take anything she gave me, any chance I got to love this wonderful woman.

We came together, both riding our highs in deep ecstasy. I moaned when I felt myself empty all of my seed inside of her, incredibly excited about the prospect of starting our future together right then.

“You’re so fucking beautiful.” I cradled her face in my hands as I struggled to catch my breath, but she turned it to the side and pressed a kiss to my palm and I was breathless all over again. It was such a simple action, why did it get to me so much?

“You’re not too bad yourself, Chris.” I didn’t want to part with her warmth, so I just adjusted us on the sofa in a way that kept me inside of her, sighing contently as I realized I’d never have to sleep away from her again.

“I’m gonna stay right here all night.” I adjusted myself so I was resting my face on her boobs, perfectly happy to do just so, but by the tone of her voice, I knew she had a teasing smile when she called me an, “Old man.”

“And here I was, thinking you’d be able to go again.” Warmth filled my chest at the realization of just how badly she wanted me - just as much as I wanted her too. I was so damn ecstatic. Not even her pokes at my age would be able to affect me.

“Oh, darling… better get ready,” I warned as I adjusted myself to hover over her again, taking notice of the excited glint in her eyes, the way she bit her lip as she stared back at me. “I’m never gonna get enough of you.”

The next morning, I added a new kink to the list of random bits of information that were driving me slowly insane as I felt the overwhelming need to bend the woman that I now got to call ‘mine’ over the nearest piece of furniture and rail her until I had cummed deep inside her pussy: seeing her in my shirt while cooking breakfast.

Yeah, I was going to live a happy life by her side.

[theroomofreq]

can you give me muggle jily recs pleaaseeee <3 :D

HOW MANY HIGH-QUALITY MUGGLE JILY FICS ARE THERE?? TOO MANY TO COUNT. *cracks knuckles* BUT I am here for the challenge. Jily AUs are my JAM.

Again, shoutout to our amazing @jilyarchive friends who tag every wonderful muggle jily au they come across. here is the link that will take you to their tags page. You'll find links to specific tropes and AUs :')

I've searched through my own AO3 bookmarks and history tabs, and I present to you 28 jily muggle fics that I LOVE. I am THRILLED thinking about all the good things in store for those that read these wonderful stories. This list took me ages to make because I went through and reread most of these brilliant fics. Happy reading !! xx

properly improper by @lizardcookie

“Marry me,” Mr. Potter repeats, closing the distance between them by striding back up towards the sofa, only to stop and crouch to one knee right there at her feet, looking up at her. Burning. “Pick me,” he elaborates. “Pick me, choose me, love me instead.”

- this fic is the reason why I comment the way that I do (spoiler it's because it's amazing)

The Wedding Ring by @mppmaraudergirl

What is undeniably worse than attending your sister's wedding looking as desolate and forgotten as a wilted houseplant? Drunkenly ringing your ex-boyfriend and asking him to be your date.

- SOBS UNCONTROLLABLY AT THE PERFECTION

Oh my god, they were ROOMMATES by @magic-girl-in-a-muggle-world

Silly one-shot, Muggle AU with Fem!Jily as pining roommates and Marlene as their matchmaker.

- the fic that brought me back to jily and inspired my deep obsession of fem!jily

Swipe Right, Swing Left by @downn-in-flames

The unspoken rule of using dating apps in D.C. is that you always start with where you work.

James Potter, it seems, never picked up on that one.

- giddy just thinking about this gem

'Tis the Damn Season by @petalstofish

It doesn't feel like Christmas for Lily Evans, not after losing her parents to COVID before the Holiday season. She anticipates spending Christmas all alone until a boy from her past shows up and offers her a mutually benefiting deal that has her calling him 'babe' just for the weekend. 'Tis the damn season, after all.

- cries in respect for lyrical writing

Watch Me Unwind by @maraudersftw

Lily Evans hates her job, hates the bigoted customers she has to serve as a bartender at the richest club in the city. But the one person who makes bearing all of it worth it has someone else in his arms tonight. (Rated: M)

- obsessed with the way the plot jumps around the time line in this

oil be there for you by @abby10fanfic

Texting/Social Media AU: Lily and James haven't spoken for 2 years. But that's all about to change thanks to Peter and his involvement in an essential oil pyramid scheme. Featuring boss babes, toxin-free lifestyles, binding contracts, and a very oily journey.

- YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE HOW FAB THIS IS

a matchmaking mission by @downn-in-flames

James Potter has a mission: get Sirius Black and Remus Lupin to finally admit that they both fancy the pants off each other by Valentine's Day.

His partner in crime? Lily Evans, Remus' flatmate, who he also happens to be slightly in love with

- DOUBLE the amount of pining idiots in love :")

about time by @jilyss

'sure, yeah, I can accompany you to that black tie event for your work tonight. wait. why are we on a red carpet?'

- this is my emotional comfort fic, your honor

whiskey business by @elanev91

Sirius Black has a (bad?) habit of picking up hobbies that take over his and James' flat -- this most recent one? Homemade vodka that James now has to try and peddle to everyone in the building.

- hysterical! must read!

Fashion Disaster by @maraudersftw

James Potter is roped into an awful dare by his best-mate, which involves him wearing atrocious pieces of clothing for all days until Christmas as dictated by Sirius. If this wasn't terrible enough, he now has to contend with his maddening crush on the beautiful saleswoman at the clothing store.

- classic hijinks that I live for

it wasn't a pity invite by @elanev91

Part of the December "Winter Tropes" Jily challenge. Prompt: my family invites you to join our holiday meal as an obvious setup and omG i’m so sorry

- awkward Christmas date that owns my heart

spice and honey by @clare-with-no-i

tagging along with her food reporter sister to profile James Potter, London's hottest young chef, is not how Lily Evans pictured her Monday going - especially if he's anything like Petunia’s described.

needless to say, she's in for a whirlwind at Chez Maraudeur.

- I'm one re-read away from printing this out and putting it on my bookshelf.

Waffle Wars by @elanev91

There's only one waffle maker in the dining hall and it literally always breaks. So, naturally, the only reasonable course of action is to meticulously map out when it's working and, ultimately, do a heist.

- the witty narration in this fic can not be matched

You Can Hear It In The Silence by @alrightginger

Lily is non-verbal and deaf in a world where the things your soulmate says about you end up written on your skin. She has known about her soulmate since she was seven, but knows they don't have a clue she exists and possibly never will.

- exquisite, cue me sobbing forever

out the window by @displayheartcode

A new family moves to Ottery St Catchpole.

- everything I could ever want in a fic, forever in my mind rent free

The Christmas Guest by @thegodmachine

An Evans Family Christmas: Petunia is bringing her fiancé and Lily is bringing her…Friend…

- petunia pov that gives me WINGS

Football, Calculus, and Cappuccinos by @moonawrites

At eighteen years old, James Potter has a lot going on. He's a rising star navigating the politics of professional football, the pitfalls of sudden fame, the fallout from choosing his dream over his father's company... and a serious crush on the red headed new barista at his favourite coffee shop.

- I'm still working my way through this fic, but trust me when I say its a GEM

if u like pina coladas by @zephyrcove

Lily is desperate for a date to Petunia's wedding, James has been pining, and their friends meddle ;)

- explain to me how characters can be so perfect via texting fics?

Shelf Awareness by @ghostofbambifanfiction

It's too far out of her way and she's wasting so much money, but Lily can't help but return to the bookstore every weekend, where her passion for good literature has, perhaps, been unexpectedly reignited by the messy-haired, pun-making, rather handsome bloke who works there.

- you absolutely must know that I binge read this and then immediately REREAD it

How to win a witch in 10 days by @adenei

“She’s going to find some unsuspecting wizard, get him to fall for her, and then do all the things that turn men away to get him to break things off! Won’t it be the best way to see what witches do that drives men crazy?” But what happens when the man in question is a blast from Lily Evans's past? A Jily Magical AU based on the romantic comedy "How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days."

- fic based off of a rom com? YES PLZ :’)

The Fight Before Christmas by @ghostofbambifanfiction

The heartwarming Christmas tale of Lily Evans and James Potter - two plucky kids who hated one other, until the day they really, really didn't.

- complete sucker for this one

All This Time by @thejilyship

James and Lily grew up next door to one another. Their bedroom windows giving them glimpses into the others life, and also offering prime opportunities to argue with each other over every little thing. They never figured out how to be friends when they were kids, but now that they've graduated from college and are home for the summer, they have a second chance to get things right.

- one of my favvvv tropes

Let Me Love You by @thejilyship

With only a month until she's set to take the throne of Gryffindor, Lily is informed that she'll have to get married or choose to give up her throne. She never thought she'd have to even entertain the idea of an arranged marriage. Enter, James Potter.

- cries in princess diares AU

The Fabulous Baker Brothers by @frustratedpoetwrites

Lily walks a different route home from work and stumbles upon a cute little Bakery with an even cuter baker in the window.

- yes yes yes to embarrassed pining.

Marigold Mornings by @mppmaraudergirl

This is a fun game she thinks, as she removes her hand from his side and reaches up to run it down his chest.  He catches her hand in his own, takes a step forward so that her nose nearly brushes against his shirt. She can feel the heat radiating off of him—or maybe it’s from her. He licks his lips and her eyes are drawn to the motion.  She knows it is a bad idea, absolutely knows it.

- incredible storytelling featuring dynamic characters :') a favvv

Welcome to Pettyville by@women-inthe-sequel @alrightginger

When Lily Evans accidentally sends a text to the wrong number, she isn’t expecting to find the right person behind it. She can’t stop talking to Prongs. The only thing is, Prongs can’t stop talking about the girl in his class. What could go wrong, other than the number?

- LOVE SQUARE ANYONE

The Kiss a Stranger Project by @alrightginger

“What’s your name, then?” she asks, realizing they haven’t even properly introduced themselves yet. She nervously crosses her arms.

You shouldn’t kiss a guy without knowing his name first.

Right?

- THIS ONE WILL LIVE IN MY MIND FOREVER

[nevenabadr]

It's a Twin Thing: Part 1. Bucky Barnes & Sebastian Stan x Female!Reader

Note: English is not my first language or Romanian. Also, this was written in a hurry as I was babysitting.

Y/A: your name

The story is in second-person, thus, the reader is the main character.

Inspiration: this is inspired by:

My Sebastian Stan’s fan chats on WhatsApp; we support Supernatural too, that’s why the Winchester are mentioned.

Word count: 2568

Warnings: Smut–this is +21 and not for everyone.

Enjoy reading and please comment with your feedback, please. 🖤…

----------------------------------------------------------------

It was a hot summer's day when you came home early to surprise your boyfriend, who is finally off from his duties as an actor and having a little time off for a holiday. You and Sebbie, your boyfriend of a year, now decided to stay in New York, as he missed being in his favourite place on earth.

You were early, holding lots of bags that were blocking your sight to the door. All worth it, because you will be able to cook him a homemade meal and show him that new lingerie you have got. If he forgot, you will remind him where home is.

You put everything down and took off your shoes; you started unbuttoning your blouse and taking off your pants. You were eager to take a shower and start cook for him.

You opened the bathroom door, and he was standing there fixing his hair in front of the mirror, yet he turned to face you. Before he spills a word.

You muttered, "Hey, I did not know you will be early."

You narrowed the gap between the two of you and taking his lips to meet yours in an intense kiss.

You missed him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him closer to you, making the kiss sensual and he had no problem putting his hands on the curves of your waist pulling you closer to him.

When you broke the kiss, you took a moment to look into his eyes “Bebelus, there is something different about you."

He was blushing and puzzled "Yes!" He sighed, "you have mistaken me for Seabase, did not you."

You jumped a step forward in panic "James? Oh, my God! I am so sorry."

You were trying to cover your body and confusion took over you.

"But you kissed me back." You were angry that almost slapped him, but he dodged your hand.

"Easy doll, I am sorry?" He came off guilty.

"I heard things about you. I did not know you would be your e." You spoke while your eyes gazed upon the floor.

"My plane arrived this morning. I am so sorry that Seabass did not tell you." He kept fixing his hair, which is identical to Sebastian.

"We got on the wrong foot your e, but can you please give me a moment?" You pointed at your body as you were wearing nothing but your undergarments.

"Oh! I will be outside." He shut the door behind him as he left.

You turned on the water and let it run, washing away your impressment.

James is Sebastian's identical twin. James Buchanan Barns and Sebastian Stan Barnes. Stan was Sebastian's middle name, something related to his mother's Romanian roots.

James has a military classified job, while his brother made a career for himself in acting.

Not even their mother could tell them apart, except that Sebastian is a dork and James, as they call him Bucky, is an easy-going ladies-man.

When you finished showing and dressing up. The sound from the kitchen seemed as if your boyfriend was having a loud conversation with himself.

They even sound identical, you thought to yourself, gathered your strength and stepped into the kitchen.

"Hey, guys," you waved for both of them.

"Oh, baby! Bucky told me about the incident" the twin with jogging clothes came and wrapped his arms around you.

You almost stopped him "Sebbie, baby, is that you?"

Yes, Y/N." He kissed your forehead and then your lips.

"I am so sorry, that I forgot to mention that Bucky was coming." He soothed you with another sweet kiss.

"We were not introduced properly," Bucky said playfully

"This is Y/A, my girlfriend and lady of the house." He said, then pointed at Bucky, "this is the famous, James Buchanan, Bucky, my mysterious brother."

"Seabase told poems of you. I am sorry that we have that incident," he implied the earlier kiss.

"No, worries" you am smiled and extend a hand "Welcome to our home, Bucky" he took your hand and smiled calmly.

At the dinner table, Sebastian and Bucky were laughing and catching up. You were calm and just appreciating the home-cooked dinner by Bucky.

"You are talented at cooking." You were enjoying the cuisine.

"I, the chief, and Seabase were the tidy one." He looked at his brother, "we are a team of cooking and cleaning."

Except that, I don't cook," Sebastian said joked

“Bucky, you know it is today?” Sebastien was busy eating.

Bucky was stunned “a family and friends gathering!” “You are going to see the gang.” Sebastien was rather excited about this more than anything you have seen before.

Georgeta Orlovschi, or as her official name now, Georgetta Stan was a lovely woman, a Romanian immigrant who fell in love with an American to a marriage that brought the best thing in her to the world, the twins; James and Sebastian.

As a violinist and part of the New York Opera House, she met their father, Mr William Barnes, a well-known handsome conductor who made her world perfect.

The world was perfect until she had to change diapers and stay up with William by her side.

William was of a well-known wealthy family, but Mrs Barnes was an Eastern European woman. She wanted to have deities by herself and not to have servants to do all the work.

Her friend Mary Winchester, the wife of William's closest friend, John — was the nicest woman you can meet, a Taxes woman. Mary was like Mrs Barnes. She did not like servants to do the job; she took upon duties of her firstborn, Dean, and later she had Sam, a few years before the Twins.

The boys grow up together.

Dean took the eldest brother's duties to the bone. Even when the new kid, Steve Rogers, became best friends with Bucky; he took him under his wing.

The gang, no one could touch his brother or their friends.

Soon after they entered Middle School and Dean was a senior, Steve got into a fight. Dean came close to the boys to find Bucky just leaving his book aside and taking the ground by his friend.

Sebastian was the one in front of both. No one hurt Steve.

Sam hurried to Dean for safety. Dean arrived and tried to calm everyone down "Steve said he was sorry." He smirked at the boy, who was angry and demanded to bully Steve.

While Sebastian and Sam were trying to hold Steve back, "I can do this all day."

Bucky did not give anyone else a chance to speak as he bunched the bully right in the nose, which got everyone in trouble, which Dean wanted to take the responsibility for. Detention and forever to be recorded in his file.

Dean Winchester did not care for his record, just the young boys to be well.

But finally, the boys came clean to their father; Bucky was homeschooled for the rest of the year and Sebastian refused to go back to school until his brother joined him back.

They were all a mischievous gang with Dean Winchester as the head.

Days passed, and each got into their ways; Dean with Harvard school as his father pulled a connection to forget the file problem. Dean was already qualified enough.

Sam went to Stanford, Bucky and Steve picked a military life, and Sebastian was all about acting.

It was his first time alone overseas, the Shakespeare's Globe yet had another surprise for him, a friend; Anthony Mackie, an American talent who became Sebastian's best friend.

The gang was getting bigger and louder.

Mrs Barnes had the entire gang and their families for a gathering. James, Bucky, as he liked to be called, is finally back after an entire year in God-knows-what military work.

After dinner, the gang was laughing and drinking.

Dean smirked at Sebastian "You got a good girl over here."

"A great kisser too." Bucky teased.

"What do you have in mind, Dean?" Sam teased Dean because he knows what he will spill next.

"You gotta do the twin thing." Dean raised his bottle of beer.

Steve's eyes widened "what twin thing, exactly"

"My man, Dean wants Seabase to go wild." Anthony laughed at the idea.

Dean explained, "a sandwich with her in the middle and the outer layers are twins."

Sam tried to elaborate "if the middle was a girl unless other preferences and so."

Steve was blushing at the idea while Bucky and Sebastian were looking at each other.

"Don't scrunch your nose" Sebastian looked at Bucky.

Bucky tilted his head and give him the puppy eyes "adventures, please."

Then Dean joined him for bagging "please."

"Alright, Alright." Sebastian took a sip of his beer "only with consent.

At that moment Anthony gives Dean ten "You won."

Steve was just irritated at the idea and he kept eyeing his bottle "I can't believe you, guys"

"Dean always wins," Sam shrugged.

You were heading closer to the boys, who were laughing.

"Are not we going home?" You asked Sebastian.

"Yes, babe."

He excused the gang and Bucky followed with the boys waving and clapping.

"They seem happy and excited. Are not they." You waved at them while speaking to Sebastian, but the reply came from Bucky "they should be. And hopefully, will be,"

Back in the car, Sebastian hesitated, but he told you why they were laughing.

“Dean wants you to try what?” You were completely shocked.

“The twin-thing.” Bucky sounded excited.

Sebastian took your hand in his, “baby, it’s a silly boys’ bet.”

You looked at him, “are you going to let Dean win?” and you smirked.

Bucky explained the rules. It has to be a sex sandwich with both of them, but no sex while they are in their mum's house.

“God only knows how she might react to this.” Sebastiana sighed.

Bucky laughed and explained, “an eastern European woman, she might get them a priest to perform an exorcism on us.”

“Or sanctify the house.” Sebastien completed his twin’s explanation.

They agreed Bucky will stay at Sebastian’s house for the night until they plan the twins’ thing.

The next morning, after you all had eaten breakfast together, you were cleaning the table. You will keep bumping into Bucky.

His torso to your back, kissing the exposed parts of your skin. You titled your head on your back to give him room.

His hands will travel under your clothes. His girl was wearing nothing but your skill PJ of pair of shorts and a top.

Dean's words have got straight to Bucky’s head, that he has been imagining having the twin-thing with his brother’s girlfriend.

Bucky reached the kitchen, and he almost dropped the plates.

His brother was kissing Y/N, who closed his eyes completely as Sebastian was squeezing your butt with a hand and they together are caressing your nipple about the silk.

You moaned; Bucky felt himself getting hard.

Yet, you felt Sebastian's hard length against your butt. You turned to kiss him with parted lips, looking to consume him.

Their tongue met and the sounds of their kissing made Bucky, who was at the edge and impulsively tried to hide his aroused length.

Sebastian opened his eyes as he parted from the kiss. Y/A twirled to meet Bucky's eyes and peeking at his lower body.

"Poor Bucky." You stepped closer to him, you kissed him first, yet he opened his eyes, waiting for Sebastian's approval, who gave him a wave to go ahead.

You kissed Bucky and slides your hand to stock his length above the sweat pants he was wearing.

Bucky moaned against your lips and wrapped his arms around you for a moment to deepen the kiss.

At that same time, Sebastian paced to lay kisses on your shoulder and squeeze your butt.

You started moaning, parted from Bucky, to meet Sebastian at a kiss

"Better take it to the bedroom." You said in between your moaning and breath.

You walked with the twin brothers to the bedroom, yet could not take off their hands off your body.

In the bedroom, Sebastian pulled down your shorts, and Bucky took off your top.

"Bucky, you are beautiful, Y/A," he said as he keeps kissing the soft spot under your ears and lowers down your breast.

"You better underdress to boys," you ordered and both of them took off their clothes at once.

Before starting anything, Bucky looked at Sebastien, who understood his brother immediately.

“Second drawer in the nightstand near his bed.” Sebastian pointed to Bucky, who was full of condoms, lubricant, and some toys.

You twirled around Bucky for a moment "nothing I have not seen before" you

Ran your fingers on his skin till touching his length and teasing his slit that was dripping pre-cum.

Yet, before Bucky put the condom on his length, you got down and tasted him, “tasty,” you whipped your lips and helped him to wear the condom

Then moved to Sebastian and kissed him "oh, that chest is getting rough again." You kissed his lips and lower to his jaw and neck.

Then you winked at Sebastian playfully to drop on four to take his full length between your lips.

You sucked him slowly. Bucky was watching your butt against him and your inviting lady delicate area was pumping with a need that he could not keep himself from entering you all at once.

You clenched him inside you, milking him and you were bobbing your head, milking Sebastian with your mouth as squeezing his balls.

Sebastian gripped your hair and Bucky put his hands on your hips, entering you, as you were getting tighter and closer.

"I am closed," Sebastian muttered breathlessly as he came inside your mouth. You swallowed him whole.

On the other hand, Bucky was close, Sebastian took a step back to let you rest on four, you were moaning and Bucky banging himself harder against you. The voice of their skin clashing and moaning were loud that the rest Sebastian was getting harder again.

Bucky wanted you closer to him, he pulled you up and rested your head on his chest and squeezed your breasts "cum for me now doll," he ordered as biting the side of your neck and squeezing your breasts and you were so tight that Sebastian came close and stocked your clitoris to give you more pleasure. You were standing between the skin of the two brothers.

With almost shut eyes, looking at Sebastian who was stocking your clitoris, then he kissed you down till his tongue reached your soft part. After two strokes with his tongue on your clitoris. You were so tight around Bucky that he could not see in front of him as he cum hard at the same time you felt the shaking electric power of your orgasm.

You were about to collapse that Sebastian carried you to the bed. You laid together between the two brothers.

"That was wow," Bucky muttered breathlessly.

Sebastian asserted playfully, "round two"

"Maybe later tonight?" You rolled and kissed Sebastian.

The three of you were laughing and Bucky closed his eyes to rest.

You put a leg on Sebastian's tights, getting closer to his body, feeling Bucky's chest hugging you from behind.

The head of their bodies calmed that the three of you slept in harmony.

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[stxleslyds]

Who do you think should be a love interest for Red Hood/Jason Todd?

Oh, Anon, you sent me a very difficult question. I have been wanting to talk about my thoughts on love interests or ships when it comes to Jason but I always end up getting scared and don’t do it. But because you sent me this ask and I want to give you an answer, I will actually speak (write) my mind.

I like ships, I enjoy romances within stories, the name of my blog is based on one of my favourite ships from a tv show that I liked. I have also reblogged content that is about another ship that I like from an animated show but when it comes to the DC comics characters that I like (Dick Grayson and Jason Todd) I actually dislike romances and the idea of love interests, a lot. In Jason’s case, I actually hate the idea of him having love interests.

And that’s because of several reasons, but I believe they can all be enclosed into one thing, Jason doesn’t seem to be into romantic relationships or established romantic relationships. Every time they put him in one of those things start to make less sense, I will explain it more in detail because I will be going through every single relationship that was, hinted at, teased or official for Jason in the last eleven years. (Yup, I have found every single relationship that Jason has had forced and/or out of place).

This is, of course, what I think, you are allowed to think otherwise.

JASON TODD AND LOVE INTERESTS.

New 52.

Essence, Jason’s first kiss and some other things.

Essence was, as per New 52 onwards, the first person that Jason had a relationship with. (RHatO vol.1 #7). They met back in the All-Castle and with her, he said that he felt, for the first time after being resurrected “alive”. Yeah, it is a little bit weird, let’s suppose that Jason was 17 when he first met her, and when I say “other things” I do mean it, the panels are never explicit but there is enough information given and shown that tells us that Jason shared a lot of firsts with her.

But here is my first complaint, Lobdell didn’t need to tell us all that, in fact, he could just have told us that they were friends back in the All-Castle because when Essence is introduced in the story, Jason already thinks that she betrayed him and the All-Castle and he repeats several times that he either: wants to kill her or should have killed her in the past already. (RHatO vol.1 #7)

So, the first person that Jason had a love and/or sexual relationship with is now an enemy through betrayal, or so he thinks. After some back and forth and some other truths getting revealed, everything gets solved, Jason and Essence suddenly don’t interact much with each other.

We get another peek at their current relationship when she shows up in Roy’s hospital bed to help him recover from his injuries. There Jason says that she was his first kiss and that even though they have chosen different paths and they have tried to kill each other a few times they are still there for each other.

Wow, what a lovely message Lobdell, two people who have tried to kill each other and have an overall nasty/manipulative relationship, are still there for each other, which is what truly matters. Give me a break Lobdell, what is this? I understand this book is old by now but this narrative is not cute or special. They barely trust each other and they have been more than willing to kill each other but they are still on good terms, yay! Shut up.

Isabel, the flight attendant that may be a little too pushy at times.

Us and Jason met Isabel, the flight attendant when Jason is travelling along with Roy (RHatO vol.1 #2). Her introduction is very sexualised and Jason and her flirt a lot, he “checks her out” but he is also thinking that Isabel is better off not crossing paths with him anymore, but apparently that isn’t what she thinks because she leaves her number along with Jason’s drink. He is very surprised about that fact.

Jason had been struggling with the idea of calling Isabel because he didn’t want to mix his vigilante life with his normal life, that’s why when he calls her, he hangs up as soon as she answers the call. (RHatO vol.1 #7).

But that insecurity is thrown out of the window (apparently) because he does go on a date with Isabel even though he is doing everything possible to hide his double life (RHatO vol.1 #10). Isabel seems to be having an amazing time and as they reach Jason’s hotel, he offers to call her a cab, which means “date is over I want to go home”, but Isabel has other ideas she starts pushing him and saying maybe I don’t want to leave just yet and Jason is a little uncomfortable but Isabel just kisses him. Yeah, non-consensual kissing happens and this is the first (but not last) time it happens. The kiss is interrupted by someone else and the whole thing ends up with that someone (Orc), Kory, Roy and Jason talking.

Jason was so ready to make Isabel go at the end of their date earlier that he barely notices her when Kory and the others show up. She is literally on the floor asking what is going on and Jason doesn’t notice her until after they are teleported to a spaceship. Jason was so out of it that he didn’t notice her up until Roy pointed her out. How insane is that? What are you trying to say, Lobdell, Jason is an asshole? Or was Jason so uncomfortable on that date that he forgot that the date was still going on?

After they all realise that they are all stuck in space in the middle of an intergalactic war Isabel and Jason talk. Isabel lets Jason know that she thought that their date was boring and bad because Jason was trying to hide his real life, she also asks Jason why a vigilante asked a flight attendant on a date and he deflects that question like a pro. (RHatO vol.1 #11-12). You see, I think that Jason decided to go on a date with her because he thought that’s what he wanted or to prove himself that he could have something “normal”.

When they finally go back to earth Jason kinda acts like a jerk towards Isabel at the beginning but at the end of the issue, we see that Isabel invited Jason to stay the night at her apartment in Gotham, happy times happen and while Jason is in the shower Isabel gets attacked by Joker. The Joker made it seem like Isabel overdosed while Jason was in the other room which destabilised Jason a lot. He calls the cops and she is taken to the hospital after Jason leaves the apartment. (RHatO vol.1 #14-15) The last time we see her she is in the hospital recovering.

A long time passes by and we only see Isabel again when RHatO changes writers for a few issues, the author of Isabel’s comeback is Tynion. We see Isabel entering her home after a date, when she goes inside, she notices some weird robots and those things were put there by Jason who wanted to invite her to a private resort as a date. (RHatO vol.1 #28). Isabel decides to go and when Jason gets too wound up and is ready to kiss her, she tells him that he needs to slow down because a long time has passed since they last saw each other and she is quite mad that because they went on one date and she ended up on space for days and then got attacked in her own home. Jason is a bit taken aback by what she says but he doesn’t get to say much because a fight breaks out. Talk about signs… maybe they shouldn’t get together at all, you know what I mean?

After the fight was over, Isabel told Jason that she can’t do this (their “relationship”) any more, but that if the fight ever ended that he could go back looking for her. So, she “breaks up” with him but still kisses him before leaving. If you are leaving someone because you don’t feel like things are going right why on earth will you kiss them goodbye? It’s not like they were on a five-year-long relationship, they only went on two dates! Maybe this is not that big of a deal but come on…

Kory, this one wasn’t a “real” relationship but the idea of it was forced.

Although Kory appears in the first issue of RHatO we didn’t know then how Jason and Kory had met. That story is told later on and it begins with Jason appearing on the shores of an island where Kory’s ship was stuck. He is in and out of consciousness but we do see Kory taking care of him as he recovers, we also see that Kory has a little bit of heart eyes for the mysterious man, but that was because Jason looks like Dick Grayson (someone who she had dated and actually remembered even though she said she didn’t).

After Jason finally wakes up, he goes to her and she gives him clothing that used to belong to Dick, Jason knows those clothes are Dick’s but when he asks Kory who they are from she says that she doesn’t know (she was lying). After Jason gets dressed, he decides to tell Kory who he is and his story, so he tells Kory “Hey, there is something you need to know about me” and Kory kisses him. Ah yes, more non-consensual kissing, how wonderful! Jason is taken aback and Kory tells him that her people assimilate the knowledge that way, Jason doesn’t make a big deal out of it but I will. Lobdell, you knew that Kory didn’t have amnesia, and you know that Kory has been on earth for quite a long time, there was no need for that kiss. As the reader, I know that that’s how Tamareans learn stuff but I also think that Kory shouldn’t kiss people just to know new stuff! It baffles me that they are still doing this, it was silly then and it's silly now, stop the non-consensual kissing and then excusing it because of fictional alien traditions or whatever, just stop.

But I didn’t put Kory on this list for the kissing, I put her here because even though it was never explicitly shown that Jason and Kory had any type of interaction, there were some hints about it, like that time that Roy asked Jason if he was mad because he had slept with “his girl” to chich Jason answered something along the lines of “she is not my girl and she can sleep with whoever she wants”. (RHatO vol.1 #2)

But that’s not all because Lobdell gave us yet another moment in which Kory kisses Jason without his consent and Jason is written once again alarmed, this time even Roy is present and he is a little bit mad because his girlfriend is kissing someone else in front of him. At that point, Jason and Roy both knew that Kory wasn’t new to this planet and that she had been in a relationship with Dick Grayson previously. Because of all that, Lobdell passing yet another non-consensual kiss as Kory trying to tell Jason that he wasn’t alone in his fight doesn’t sit right with me, it’s even worse when you reach the end of the issue and Kory leaves both Jason and Roy on their own. (RHatO vol.1 #32) Yikes, Lobdell, yikes. (This is no hate to Kory or the other women on this run, this is pure hate towards Lobdell, please don’t get me wrong, he is the one being nasty).

Rose just appeared so Lobdell could tell us that she and Jason slept together.

Poor Rose, so many female characters being dragged into this mess by Lobdell, she really didn’t deserve this. She appeared in the last two issues of this run, two! Only for Lobdell to set up the idea that she and Jason had some fun nights in the past, honestly, who let this man write women?

Their interaction went like this: “Hey Rose, love that mask” “Yeah, I’d considered a heart tattoo that said ‘Jason’ with an axe hacking it in two” “I’m flattered, but I think you made the right choice” after Jason said that last part, he continued with this, “You want to explain what you’re doing here trying to kill us? I remember the last time I saw you; you had a big, satisfied smile on your face”. (RHatO vol.1 #39)

Really, Lobdell? She appears in the last two issues; you have them have that conversation and then in the last issue they are the only ones left (after the outlaws disband, RHatO vol.1 #40) but we never see her again, Rose isn’t mentioned in Red Hood/Arsenal or RHatO Rebirth, she isn’t mentioned any other time. Lobdell just thought that Jason didn’t look like he had fucked enough in the past so he decided to let the reader know that he had had some action. I hate him.

Barbara, this pains me, poor Babs, she didn’t deserve that.

No, Lobdell wasn’t the one who wrote this mess, it was everyone who wrote Batman Eternal. I mean, what was this group of men thinking? Where they playing darts and they had all the batboys’ pictures up on the wall and in whichever the dart got stuck, Barbara will get stuck too? Is that what happened? How often do they play this game, can they stop?

I don’t remember having read Batman Eternal and quite honestly, I didn’t want to put myself through that after I made myself read New 52 RHatO twice because I had forgotten to take notes of what had happened in each issue (I hate myself). So, I will only talk about the absurdity that was Batman Eternal #19 and #28.

All of the “relationships” that Lobdell came up with, were forced or out of place or both but this one takes the cake. It’s so simple and short, but oh, so annoying!

The phrase “You will never be Dick Grayson” coming out from Barbara’s mouth and it being directed at Jason should tell you just how many levels of wrong we are working herewith. Their whole interaction in this book seems to come from that phrase, how on earth do you build up a romance from that? Am I going crazy? Am I missing something? Come on, be honest with me.

Jason being the one who makes Barbara shake off mind control because he told her that he “only remembers what’s important, like the day he met Batgirl”, I am sorry but what? I really don’t have the words, he had even said before that he thought Babs liked him because she looked nervous, what is this writing? Since when does Jason care about Barbara? They met once when Jason was Robin and she was significantly older, what are these writers on, crack? (Batman Eternal #19)

But that’s not the worst thing, later in the book, they switch roles and Jason is apparently no longer interested in Barbara but she is all like “maybe you should stay this time, Jason. Help the family. Save Gotham” and Jason says “Gotham’s never been enough for me Barb” and I am not kidding, she tells him “What if there was more…?” That was hilarious, my gods, they must have been high when they wrote that because that is just too wild for me.

And Jason, the absolute beast that he is, says, “No. Because Barb, it’s like you said… I’ll never be Dick Grayson” (Batman Eternal #28). Jason, you dramatic little shit, what is going on? Why did the writers put us through all that just to end up being like “Babs is thirsty for Jason but he has already moved on”, what was the point of these interactions?

Yeah, that’s all I can say about that, let’s just move on to the mess that was Rebirth.

Rebirth.

Artemis, a new player enters the game.

While we did meet her in the first issue Jason isn’t seen being flirty with her up until they are in a bar and Jason is really drunk, he tells her that she has beautiful green eyes and Artemis is like, “if you are hitting on me, I will punch you in the head” (RHatO vol.2 #8), Lobdell back at it again with that mix between flirting and violence that I hate so much, lovely. But I guess this meant that Artemis was setting boundaries.

Boundaries and kinda thrown out of the window when later in the book we have something like looked like the start of a kiss that didn’t really happen because they were interrupted (RHatO vol.2 #11). Jason also acts a little too cheeky in two instances in another issue, one of them was a bit funny the other one no so much because Artemis was talking about how she had let only three people into her heart and one of them was now dead and she might have been losing another one, at that moment all Jason has to offer is “about that third person… does his name rhyme with Rason Rodd?”, which was a bit out of tune of him. (RHatO vol.2 #13).

The big surprise though is that out of the blue we have an issue called ‘Date Night’ where Jason and Artemis seem to go out on a date! What? We are moving on so fast! (Spoiler Alert: Jason thought it was a date, Artemis only wanted to talk about how weird Bizarro was acting at the time). One of the things that really caught my attention was how differently she was characterized in the issue and that within the story Jason hadn’t realised that Artemis wasn’t really acting like herself either. It could have been a cute date if not for the fact that Artemis wasn’t acting like herself because she wasn’t “really” on a date with Jason. Also, Lobdell does love to hint at Jason’s sex life, before they went on the date Bizarro said “use it (the teleporting door) all night if you need” and Jason responded, “I don’t think we will be needing it all night. I mean, if we do that’s okay, but I’m not, like, expecting anything”, it was kinda funny but yeah, come on! (RHatO vol.2 #19).

From that issue, we jump to the great finale (or not) of this “epic” “love” “story”, the so awaited kiss between Jason and Artemis, oh yeah baby! A couple of issues with flirting, a date that wasn’t a date but maybe if Bizarro wasn’t going insane at the time (who knows?). This kiss obviously comes with the separation of this team of outlaws, Jason is left alone on earth while Artemis and Bizarro are swallowed by a portal of sorts. Jason finally gets the kiss that he so desired, but at what cost? (RHatO vol.2 #25). Brutal issue for Jason, it was also like a special edition because it was bigger and that makes me laugh because all Jason did in that issue was suffer, how unlucky can this guy get?

We don’t see Artemis for a while but when she does come back, she is being controlled by something and it’s making her want to kill Jason, so to shake whatever was controlling her, Jason kissed her and hoped for the best (it worked). See, Lobdell can change! Before it was women forcing Jason into a kiss, now it’s the other way around! Yay! (RHatO vol.2 #41).

After all that we see Jason and Artemis spending some time together, it looks very friendly, they even have a very nice moment when Artemis hugs Jason as he lets himself grieve the loss of Roy. Jason also seems aware (this time) that Artemis is acting a little off and he gets her to talk about how much she missed her axe. It feels like they are taking it slow, they are figuring themselves out after so long, they probably won't kiss and make things complicated, right? Yeah, no, they do kiss, but they each pretend that it was like kissing a sibling. In the end, Jason does say that he lied and that he knows that she lied to him and that was okay with him, my only critique with this is: Why did they have to kiss? They could have waited instead of kissing and then lying about their feelings, what is this, Wattpad? (RHatO vol.2 #42)

Their relationship comes to a halt and we end up seeing them together (in a messy bed, twice) at the end of Lobdell’s run. But even though those two had their fun and Jason almost told Artemis that he loved her, things weren’t really meant to end with them as a couple because at the very end of the issue Artemis says her final goodbye to Jason. She says, “This is it. The end of us. I’m not being mean. I’m genuinely happy for you Jason. You have grown so much since you started the outlaws. But you don’t need us anymore. You don’t need me. Tell me I’m wrong” to which Jason responds, “I can’t. But if I ever needed anyone, it would have been you, Princess”. (RHatO vol.2 #50).

All in all, this was the best-developed relationship that Jason had, but so much about this, one could have easily been transformed into a friendship between the two. You will see better what I mean after I talk about Isabel’s presence in this run. Maybe it is just me, but a solid friendship between these two could have been spectacular, mostly because of what had happened in that one annual that had Dick as a guest.

In that issue Jason was very jealous of Artemis having the most obvious heart eyes for Dick, she was very flirty with him and he was a real gentleman with her. When she offered to take him back to his trailer at the circus he said yes and there, as they were walking towards his trailer, Lobdell wrote the best piece of dialogue in his ten years writing Jason. Dick asked, “So, are you and Jason… together?” to which Artemis responded, “Me? And Jason? Anyone and Jason?”. How is Lobdell so blind to his actual interesting takes on Jason Todd. Aromantic Jason was right there Lobdell, but you had to push your shitty version of “romance” every step of the way! (I am fine with Jason having a fantastic sexual life but listen, Jason being aromantic was still possible).

Essence, first Jason accused her of betraying him but now *Uno reverse card*

Do you guys remember that Essence and Jason’s last interaction in New 52? Jason said that even though they were always fighting or willing to kill each other they also will always be there for one another? Well, when Essence comes back in Rebirth she plans on killing Jason because apparently this time around he was going to betray her. Their very first interaction in this run (RHatO vol.2 #35), consists of Essence saying, “I don’t know if I should kiss you or kill you” to which Jason responds, “why do you have to choose?”. Lovely, Lobdell is back at it again with his shitty version of quirky “romance”, if he is trying to write them as sarcastic, he needs to do a better job at it because it’s not a good look, and not everyone has read his New 52 run so introducing these two in this book this way is kinda not good. But then again, maybe that’s just me.

As a fight ensues after they said those things, we are shown panels of Jason and Essence when they were together in the All-Castle, they would be cute panels if not for the fact that they are currently fighting to the death. It is an insane contrast, and Lobdell also has Jason think “I was the first human trained by the All-Castle. She was the only heir to a throne she never wanted. It was never going to work out between us.” But the thing is that it did work out between each other until Jason left the All-Castle, when they met each other again they had both been fed lies about the other and neither of them seems to want to look for clues to make sure that those rumours of betrayal were true. One will think that now, one of you might not feel so confident when they think the other will betray them again, you went through this already losers! But I don’t blame Jason or Essence for their stupidity, I blame Lobdell.

The fight lasts a few pages but it will end with Essence stabbing Jason with her ‘Blood Blade’ (not to be confused with the All-Blades, those are Jason’s), but here is the thing the Blood Blade comes with a curse if you draw blood from someone innocent your soul will be trapped inside the blade. This is what happened to Essence because Jason was innocent of what she was accusing him, just like she was innocent in New 52 when Jason accused her of betraying him and the All-Castle. Boring.

Now here is the thing, Essence might be dumb or she didn’t know how the Blood Blade worked because later on in the book, the blood blade is teleported by Essence (she was still inside of the blade) to the front door of Isabel’s home. The very next time that we see Isabel she is unconsciously sharing a body with Essence after touching the blade. She possessed her because at that time she still believed that Jason wanted to “destroy the world” (RHatO vol.2 #45). It wasn’t long until she realised that she was wrong and then teamed up with Jason once again. (RHatO vol.2 #46).

Lobdell, why must you recycle stories all the time and make women look stupid? Why would she still believe that Jason was up to no good after she got trapped in the blade? But my point here is that this is supposed to be Jason’s first love and their relationship consists of, flirting, remembering the good times, and almost killing each other every time they see each other because *betrayal*, it’s so tiring and annoying. Do better.

Isabel, aw, shit, here we go again!

Lobdell really had ladies ready to appear in Jason’s life when another had just left. This is one of my major problems with the way Lobdell writes all of Jason’s relationships. It would be lovely if DC and Lobdell just outright said that Jason is only interested in having sexual relationships that aren’t meant to last a long time. Because the way they had him involving himself with women seemed a little sketchy, in #25 Artemis finally kissed him and he seemed pretty happy about it, but then she was gone and now that Isabel appears in Jason’s life again, he acts as if Artemis didn’t exist.

Isabel shows up at the Iceberg Lounge after Jason made public his comeback and his management of the place. One would think that given how things ended up in New 52, Isabel would like to take things slow, after all, she had told him that he could go back to her if he stopped living his double life, but no, she talked to him for a few seconds and then proceeded to kiss him out of the blue. Lobdell’s favourite type of kissing makes a comeback, how nice, I didn’t miss it at all!

I want to be honest with you, maybe I am being too harsh, maybe these are all “surprise” kisses but in a way, it still doesn’t feel right, this is not the first time that someone kisses Jason when he doesn’t expect it (Isabel has done it multiple times already), but he is written as if he didn’t care, and that is not good. Men can feel pressured into kissing someone or can feel like they are being harassed. Lobdell and everyone on this creative team seem to think that being kissed by someone you haven’t seen in very long out of the blue is romantic or cute or sexy or whatever but it has repeated itself so much that I only find it uncomfortable and annoying to read and see. (RHatO vol.2 #33). Maybe it was just me because in that issue where Isabel goes to the Lounge they get attacked and she is not at all bothered by it, this time around, Jason even tells her that her safety is his first priority which is quite funny because the first time they were in a date Jason forgot she was present and only realised that she had been teleported alongside the outlaws to a space ship when Roy pointed it out, but I guess Jason is a different man now. I guess he wants to cultivate a relationship with her now.

And he might because your boy asked Isabel on a date in Paris. They just happened to both be around Paris at that time but here is where Jason says something that makes me speculate as to why he is actually dating, he thinks this, “Isabel Ardila. A flight attendant. Maybe the only normal person I’ve ever allowed in my life. Don’t ask me why.”

Well, Chonky, I won’t be asking you anything, I will actually give you the answers as to why you are letting Isabel into your life. You do it because you equate dating to normalcy, but I am here to tell you that it's fine if you don’t want to date and form romantic bonds, it's not something normal, it's just something some people do. If you like going out with her because of the sex or whatever then that’s fine too, but if you have to question why you are doing something, maybe you shouldn’t be doing it at all.

Jason looks a bit uncomfortable, and we also see that he is feeling sad and lonely because he misses Roy. He even thinks, “sometimes, she even makes me feel normal”. All of this normal talk really speaks to me about Jason trying to have friends outside the job but he doesn’t know how to approach that so he dates women because it makes him feel normal. I can relate to that feeling in a way, and I just think that Jason is confusing friendly love with romantic love, I don’t even know if he knows of the existence of platonic love. A reader that understands those feelings can see that maybe Jason is struggling to feel normal when he realises that he doesn’t love the same way as others. The thing is, I don’t really think that is what Lobdell intended to do, he just wanted to push two of his agendas, Jason has an active sexual/love life and Roy Harper was Jason Todd’s best friend and the only one who is allowed to suffer his death is Jason. In fact, back at the time, Jason was actually one of the few people (or maybe the only person) allowed to mourn Roy.

When the date is over and Jason’s walking Isabel to her hotel, they have a chat where it’s revealed that Isabel thinks that Jason isn’t still living that double life, she actually thinks that Jason is only working as the owner of the Casino, Jason doesn’t correct her. And then there is this very weird line that Isabel says, “The airline picks up my tab. This way you know I don’t love you for your money”, Jason is very taken aback when he heats Isabel say that she loves him so he manages to say “did you just…?” but Isabel stops him with a kiss and a simple “nope”. Jason moves on and goes to work because he is still doing the vigilante gig, the double life, that Isabel thinks doesn’t exist anymore. (RHatO vol.2 #34).

Isabel and Jason’s relationship has always looked forced to me, in rebirth, it was even weirder because Jason had just kissed Artemis and when she was gone, Jason kind of acted as if it didn’t matter that much to him and moved on easily with Isabel, but now Jason is acting kind of sketchy too because he is hiding his double life and the last time he did that Isabel ended up in a lot of trouble. I really don’t know if Lobdell remembers his own shitty writing but he should remember this stuff.

We move on too, and now Isabel has come to visit Jason at one of the events that the Iceberg Lounge has got going on, once again Jason is acting a bit strange because he was having trouble at the time with the idea of his biological father actually trying to contact him before he was killed and he was also having trouble because he was in Gotham after his adoptive father beat the living shit out of him and “banned” him from stepping foot in Gotham again. Jason seems to open up a little to Isabel but just as he starts doing so, she tells him she has to leave. Jason looks hurt for just one panel and then he moves on with his (double) life. (RHatO vol.2 #35). This is the issue where Jason also comes across Essence and traps her in her own blade.

Because everything falls apart in what was one of the best arcs written by Lobdell, Jason sends Dog (Jason’s dog) to Isabel, so Dog can be safe. (RHatO vol.2 #36).

We see Isabel after some very long time, and she is described as “The on-again/off-again girlfriend of Jason Todd. Currently off-again”, at this point in time Artemis was back to being herself and Jason had kissed her and all that. I am just saying, Jason obviously isn’t comfortable in a established romantic relationship. Lobdell dances around that idea a lot, every time with all these women.

This is the issue where Isabel finds the Blood Blade outside her home. (RHatO vol.2 #43).

As you can see, I have problems with Lobdell not handling the relationships very well, there is no concrete information being told to the reader or the characters within the story about how Jason wants to date, we never know if the women in the story know that Jason has been dating/flirting with other women. I am not saying that is bad but it would have been nice if Lobdell just used his words to tell us what he is doing.

I feel like saying that Jason is the kind of man that looks for sexual relationships without commitment isn’t something that will break the world in two. All the “romance” is incredibly forced, just say that he isn’t into romantic relationships my dude… unless Lobdell really thinks that the “romances” that he came up with are actually well written.

Anyway, Jason didn’t know that Essence who he has been fighting against and then alongside was actually Isabel, so, when Isabel and Essence get separated for a moment Jason is surprised. After Isabel tells him that they are in the middle of a battle so she is going to let Essence control her body again, Jason tells her that he “loves her”. (RHatO vol.2 #49). Does he love her for doing that or does he love her because he likes her? Hmm, that’s a good question, it is never actually answered in comics because we don’t really get to see Isabel or Essence after that happens and in the following issue (Lobdell’s last) Jason and Artemis seem to have been having a very fun night and they also kiss, Jason had even kissed with Artemis before he told Isabel that he loved her.

As you can see, its all very messy, Lobdell really said “Jason can’t be directly or indirectly single but I won’t really explain what is going on to the readers or to the characters within the story”, and that speaks volumes about how bad Lobdell’s writing is. This man simply cannot remember the things that he writes, he literally had Artemis say that she didn’t think she could see Jason dating anyone and then she wants to date him and Jason had already been dating people before that statement was made! It was all so messy! It makes all these side-romantic plots pointless; Jason was lonely because he constantly lost his friends, then give him friends! Friends are nice DC, stop making it about romances when you can just give your characters solid friendships.

Barbara, this time the pain is brought to us by Geoff Johns

I put Three Jokers as part of rebirth because I still don’t know if that garbage of a book is supposed to function within actual canon or not but it came out while Rebirth was going on so that’s why it’s here.

Now, the whole book was bad, we can all agree on that but Johns’ handling of Jason and Barbra’s “relationship” made me sick. This is another thing that writers love to do to Jason, write him as the kind of man that cannot take rejection and continues to be pushy about his feelings. Please, DC, don’t ever let Johns write another comic for you, it’s embarrassing at this point.

But in this book Jason wasn’t the only one acting weird, Barbara also did some weird stuff. In this run, Barbara thought of Jason as an unhinged criminal that needs to be locked up but Jason had heart eyes for Barbara every time they saw each other, their whole dynamic was wonky and weird. They even fought before and after Jason killed one of the Jokers.

But that’s not the real problem, the problem was that Johns decided to make Jason get tortured by the remaining Jokers while naked, this man was found naked, injured and mentally unwell by Batman and Batgirl after Jason and Batman had a fight, Barbara decided to take Jason to her home so he could recover.

Jason has just come out of the shower, he was clearly mentally and physically exhausted, and also very vulnerable. When Barbara came into the room Johns had them have a conversation while Barbara was fully clothed and Jason was just in a towel, and he was talking about how lonely and not cared for he felt, he was opening himself up to Barbara and apparently, Barbara (Johns) thought that the best she could do was kiss him, you know, to offer support.

Honestly, what the hell do male comic writers smoke when they write? You don’t show support to someone that has clear feelings for you with a kiss, to then pull away and say that “we committed a mistake”, we? Girl, come on, you made a mistake and a huge one! But one will think that Jason realised that Barbara did make a mistake when she kissed him and he also accepted the fact that she didn’t feel the same way as he did… well, not really, Jason is actually written as the kinda guy that doesn’t take well rejection and the kind of guy that keeps pushing for something between him and the other person to happen.

This man asked Barbara three times if she could give him an opportunity after the first rejection and he kept getting rejected! But that is not all because we all know that at the end of the book Jason left a letter (that thankfully Barbara will never see) in Barbara’s door when he asked again to give him a chance and that he would change who he was for her, he would actually stop being the Red Hood for her! Was Johns on crack? He had to be! The levels of wrong that are being messed around with here are out of the charts! Jason Todd, who has different values and morals than Barbara Gordon would stop being Red Hood just to get a date? Boy, don’t be dumb! Do male writers think that we are going to swoon over this kind of writing, do they expect me to applaud? I won’t!

This “relationship” was forced and incredibly out of place and out of character for everyone and it pissed me off even if it doesn’t affect canon because the writing is bad and the narrative is worse! If you love someone you shouldn’t change everything about yourself to be with them AND if someone says no or rejects your advances then the only thing you should do is back down!

This shouldn’t have to be said!

Future State

Rose, if you know me then you know that this is just a big no for me.

In the Future State: Red Hood story we are shown in the first panel of the first page that Jason is sharing a bed with someone else. We get to know pretty early that someone is Rose. The setting for their relationship is awful, both of them are working for the magistrate, they hunt “masks” otherwise known as heroes or vigilantes.

Jason hates his job and is known for bringing his “masks” alive, Rose on the other hand seems to have adapted easily while working with the magistrate and she is known for bringing the “masks” dead.

First red flag, why are two people who have such different ideals in a relationship together? Let me remind you that the Magistrate is not a good corporation or idea for Gotham, they are basically domestic terrorists and Jason is bringing them people that are like him (he is there undercover). Jason is going against everything that he is in order to infiltrate the Magistrate, Rose seems to be having fun. She brings the subject between them without care and seems to not really understand that Jason doesn’t like the work that they are both doing and that he doesn’t want to talk about it as if it were a normal thing that every couple does.

The second red flag in just a couple of pages is Williamson having Rose say “This is why we make sense. Daddy issues”, wow, are we really doing that, Williamson sat there and said Rose and Jason can make a good couple because both of them have unresolved problems with their parental figures, how wonderful. To me shared trauma isn’t a deal-breaker but sure, if you want to make one of your characters revolve her relationship with her partner around trauma, then that’s on you.

Jason also had a big problem with Rose attacking people who are hiding from the Magistrate because they are actually giving food to the “masks” and to people who don’t have to eat. Rose doesn’t seem to care and that makes the relationship a bit tense. So far, there are not many positives for this couple.

Things only get tenser, people are going around wearing those red pill looking helmets that Jason used to wear in Batman and Robin (2009), the funny looking ones, and those people are just normal people that are stealing food so they can eat or take them somewhere else. Jason is following one of those people and telling them that he doesn’t want to hurt them, just talk but Rose shows up and kills them. Jason is angry and Rose goes on a rant about how being a “mask” is against the law so she had a right to kill him.

Together they figure out that those people were being controlled so they go looking for whoever was behind those helmets.

They are tense and Jason is very cold with her even when she tries to lighten up the mood, but shit gets worse when they both receive an alert to go hunt another mask: Jason Todd.

Rose wants the money. Aw, nothing says healthy relationship more than murder.

The apparent reason why the Magistrate put a target on Jason was that he had the helmet that he took from that boy, when he realises this he puts it on and hopes that Rose finds him through that, so she can help him if he gets in trouble.

Jason gets mind-controlled through the helmet and is forced to fight rose, they fight for a while and then Rose breaks the helmet. Jason says “knew you would find me” and Rose responds “you are lucky I have a crush on you”, ok, is Jason okay with Rose wanting to kill him a few minutes ago when the alert on him came out? That’s not a big deal for them? Ok.

Jason seems to be in love with Rose even though they think differently and they are written with as much chemistry as a history book, he cares for her and does everything to save her when they get attacked by the Magistrate.

When they escape the initial attack, Rose grabs Jason and tells the Magistrate’s drones that he will take the bounty for Jason but that she will deliver him alive. Jason is surprised and angry but then the drones just leave. And we are left with Jason and Rose on a rooftop alone after Rose seemingly tried to betray Jason.

Do you know what Jason does next? He tells Rose that they should go on a holiday. He cares and keeps wanting to protect her from the Magistrate. Are you kidding me? This is so messed up; I want to remind you that these were the only two issues for this story. This is all the information we had for a long while and it is disgusting. DC really let this thing be published!

Rose betrays him twice; he is willing to harm him on some level and he still wants to be with her? Am I understanding that correctly? Later on, he keeps wanting to protect her from the Magistrate after he has evidence that they are hyper corrupt.

The point I want to make is that Jason and Rose shouldn’t have been introduced to us in this book as a couple or as people who have been sleeping with each other for a long time. I don’t know why this needs to be said but having a couple where one of them can think of killing their partner is absolutely awful. And then they make it worse by having the “victim” act like it doesn’t matter and that they should work on protecting the person that wanted to betray them.

I understand that there is a Future State: Gotham run going on with a Jason story in it written by Williamson but I don’t want to go near it. Future State: Red Hood made me uncomfortable and it made me cry out of frustration. How did this story get a pass by the editor? It’s disgusting, and it’s that because of this absolutely forced “relationship” that Williamson wanted to put in.

-

My point with all of these “couples/love interests reviews” is that writers need to be more conscious about what they write and about how some readers might perceive some messages.

Non-consensual kissing, harassment and all those things shouldn’t be part of the dynamic of two people that you are trying to put together. If there is some non-consensual kissing you can simply put a panel where the person apologises for their actions, but not even that is shown in these cases.

Comic writers need to be more aware of the way they write relationships. Yes, these are fictional worlds, people and situations but you are still playing with real-life interactions. Making some things appear in comics as normal things that you do to your crush/partner or whatever has an impact on people and writers need to become aware of this.

Lobdell was dying to let us know that Jason had a very active love/sexual life, great, but you need to show healthy relationships or make things clear about the relationships that Jason had. So many interactions that Jason had with women were overlapped with each other and the reader doesn’t know how to take it, is Jason a player or is he into open relationships, to me, it didn’t look like that but hey, maybe the writer would let us know? No, he won’t, because all he wanted to do was make Jason “date” more women.

Here is the thing, I have always felt like Jason was Aromantic, he likes having sex and having fun, but established romantic relationships aren’t his thing. It is what feels right (to me) with this character. And that’s (in part) because of all these messed up relationships that he was forced into. The two times that Jason seems to “be in love” are in Three Jokers and Future State: Red Hood, those two books are horrendous when it comes to Jason and love interests, in one of them Jason acts like the kind of man that cannot and will not take well a rejection and in in the other Jason acts as if he were blind to the abusive actions his partner does to him.

None of those two concepts are healthy or nice. Writers need to do better about that, they just have to.

So, to answer your question, I don’t think Jason Todd needs a love interest. Not as the main plot or subplot, maybe as a vague mention but nothing else, because comic writers suck at writing healthy and well-developed relationships. And because I really see Jason as the kind of person that wouldn’t involve himself in a romantic relationship with anyone.

I know this answer is more a rant than an answer but this subject is one that I have thought about a lot and it really made me nervous to bring it up. To everyone who thinks differently about these relationships, I understand and keep doing you, these are all just my thoughts and they are not worth more than yours.

Anon, thank you for the ask, sorry for making you wait so long and I hope that you have a wonderful rest of the week!

[mypoisonedvine]

A Beautiful Little Fool | dark!Sebastian Stan x reader (The Great Gatsby AU)

well, The Great Gatsby entered the public domain today, so I thought I’d besmirch it with some filthy dark smut.  overall I did not put too much effort into relating my story to the plot or themes of the novel, just the setting and basic instigating actions, so don’t look too hard for an obvious allegory or familiar characters.  this stunning moodboard (and, best of all, the incredible edits of seb as gatsby) was made by @nsfwsebbie​ who was also so kind as to beta for me and be my sounding board, thank you so much!!

summary: a reclusive millionaire throws extravagant parties in hopes that his lost love will attend and he can get one more chance to win her back.  one can get used to getting whatever they desire, a little too comfortable with the idea that money can attain anything.

word count: 5.2k

warnings: smut (noncon/heavy dubcon), forced infidelity, a touch of breeding kink, period-accurate sexism (if anything it's a bit more toned down compared to 'period-accurate'), very slight yandere energy, obsession, one (1) slap

all my works are 18+, if you are under 18 please do not read

I was within and without; simultaneously enchanted and repelled by the inexhaustible variety of life.

You could already hear the music and you were still a block away.  “Sounds like quite the ball,” Walter observed, and you clung tighter onto his arm as you walked with him along the damp pavement.  “Seems like the rumors might just be true about Stan parties.”

“All the rumors are true,” you informed him quickly, pulling your shawl up to protect your shoulders a bit better from the chilly evening breeze, “except for one.”

You took in a slow, deep breath as you observed the mansion from the outside; partygoers were mingling about in the yard and gardens, even though it was much too cold to be outside for very long, in your humble opinion.  Walter opened the door for you, being polite that way, but you found yourself hesitating before you stepped in out of the dark and the cold into the overwhelming light and warmth of his mansion.

You thought maybe you could avoid him, at least for the first hour or so of the party, but it was like he had been waiting at the door just for you to arrive, twiddling his ring-adorned thumbs in that gaudy tuxedo of his.

“Darling!” Sebastian greeted with a beaming grin, outstretching his arms (a cane in one hand, and a drink in the other) to wrap you in an embrace.  “You’re late!”

“Fashionably,” you defended with a nervous laugh, pulling back from the hug a little sooner than he seemed to want you to.  You almost forgot Walter was standing right beside you, and an awkward beat made you suddenly remember they ought to be introduced.  “Oh!  Sebastian, I’m not sure you’ve met my fiancé, Walter Penner.”

“Pleasure,” Walter offered his hand for a handshake, smiling warmly.  “Your home is stunning, I must say.  You… really know how to throw a party.”

Sebastian just shrugged like it was nothing before returning the handshake, but his cheeks were a little pinker than they were before— maybe it was just the draft you’d let in when you and your date had entered the front door.  “The pleasure’s all mine,” he assured, “I’ve been hearing so much about you from your lovely fiancée here, I’m excited to see if it’s all true.”

“Walter said the same thing about you, outside,” you admitted with a sheepish grin, and your date cast you a brief glare of embarrassment.

“She’s never been too good at keeping secrets,” Sebastian chuckled, “yours, mine, or hers.”

The negging comment made your cheeks warm a little, wondering if you should defend yourself, but Walter spoke instead.  “You must be used to it by now, I hear the two of you have been close friends since you were children.”

Memories of summer flashed in your mind, of green soft grass between toes and secret hideaways in trees and warm sunshine casting the countryside in a golden glow.  It seemed like that was all so far away now, the hilly landscape replaced with industry, the sun outshined by the electrical lights that seemed to cover nearly the entire mansion these days.  

“Yes,” Sebastian agreed, tearing you from your train of imaginative thought and turning to address you, “you’ve known me since I was just a penniless dreamer with two good legs.”

You were a little surprised he was so comfortable admitting that he didn’t come from wealth.  Maybe some people thought it was more inspiring that way, but others would say that it was impossible for him to truly shed his place in society as a poor sharecropper’s son.  

But then again, they would say the same thing about you, and you’d become engaged to the wealthiest bachelor in Manhattan, as well as a man you were lucky enough to say you were truly in love with.

Sebastian let the two of you go and enjoy the party for a while, though you were sure you could feel his eyes on you all the while.  Walter went and fetched the two of you some drinks, while you waited beside a small statuette that Sebastian must have collected some time, tilting your head as you observed it.  He had an eye for art that you couldn’t relate to, although you at least understood why he might enjoy a bronze cast of a beautiful nude woman.

As some young women flocked in a group beside you, their conversation became impossible to ignore.  “He’s single,” one of them announced, “and fabulously wealthy.  The perfect man.”

“Yes,” another agreed, “but he’s so reserved.”

“I like that!” the first defended.

“I think you’d like anything about somebody who could afford to throw a party like this,” yet another accused with a smirk.  A fit of giggles made it seem like the rest agreed with that sentiment.

“You’re all just jealous because he was looking at me,” she frowned defensively.  “He’ll want a wife sometime, and I’ll be here waiting.”

You were almost compelled to butt in, but if you told them the truth they probably wouldn’t even believe you.  Some papers had reported that the elusive Mr. Stan was disinterested in dating or engagement, but usually attributed it to eccentricity or promiscuousness.  What they had not discovered was that he was still hung up on his childhood love, the girl next door who had captured his heart as a boy and never given it back— not for a lack of trying.

It wasn’t like you hadn’t considered it, in fact you had returned his affections many years ago when he left to fight in the Great War.  It seemed that with you and Sebastian, it was always the right person at the wrong time; and maybe, deep down, you knew that Walter had been the wrong person at the right time, but your love for him was true if forced.  He didn’t make you laugh like Sebastian could, but in the end it was best that the two of you stay friends and that he finally take up any of the lovely girls vying for his affection.  Maybe some were only seeking his money… okay, maybe all of them were only seeking his money, but that didn’t mean there wasn’t a girl worth his time in the bunch.  An ambitious man like Sebastian wouldn’t have much trouble forging a real connection with someone like the woman standing beside you know, gossiping about how secretive and handsome he was.

When the chit-chat stopped, you looked up to see what had garnered their attention… only to find Sebastian standing right beside you.  “I bought this in Sicily, thinking it was an original, but I learned recently that it’s a fake,” he informed you.  You furrowed your brow in confusion until he pointed forward and you realized he was referring to the statue you’d been staring at.  

“Oh!  Right,” you mumbled.

“I still keep it on display because as of yet, nobody else can tell the difference,” he admitted.  There he was lifting that façade again, letting his guests see a glimpse of the dirty truth he usually hid away.

“What’s inspiring this openness, Sebastian?” you asked him with a nervous giggle.  “Are you high on something?”

“Just your presence,” he returned with a flirtatious grin, “and a bit of opium.”

You knew he was joking, although the ladies eavesdropping nearby didn’t seem so sure.  “Yes, I think an opium addiction would suit you nicely,” you rolled your eyes, “to go with all this excessiveness you indulge yourself in.”

“I think I’ll just stick with the champagne for now,” he decided.  “Have you had some yet?  It’s exquisite.”

“Walter went to fetch me some,” you remembered, glancing out into the crowd to see if you’d find him there looking for you.

“Oh, perfect!” 

You weren’t sure what was perfect about that.

“I’ve been meaning to speak with you, in private, if I can,” he explained.

That idea didn’t sit right with you.  Even just speaking to him now without your fiancé nearby was a bit scandalous, but at least there were plenty of people nearby to witness to the fact that nothing especially untoward had occurred.  Being truly alone with him sounded much more dangerous.  “You can,” you replied solemnly, “but I can’t say that you will.”

“Please,” he whispered, just a hint of his desperation becoming apparent.  You nodded and he smiled back at you, guiding you across the foyer and up the stairs.  He grabbed a drink from a waiter and handed it to you as you dutifully followed him upstairs, glancing down over the banister at the merriment before he led you into his room, the sounds of the party fading to near silence behind the door as he closed it behind you.

"Do you like the party, darling?" he asked as you swallowed a gulp of champagne which tingled at the back of your throat and did less to calm your nerves than you’d hoped.

"Yes," you nodded, "your parties are always… lavish."

"It's all for you," he informed you with a gentle smile.  "All this: the music, the fireworks, the champagne—" he motioned to the glass in your hand— "it's all for you."

"For… me?"

He stepped closer with a chuckle, that light little chuckle that you’d grown to understand meant ‘oh, you silly little thing.’  “Of course.  Who else?  I love you, darling, I’ve loved you all my life— you know that.”

“And I’m engaged to Walter,” you reminded him. “You know that, too.”

His smile faded slightly, and you saw him trying to shake that anger that was always waiting just below the surface.  “Yes, I know that.  I’m not stupid—”

"You must be if you think this is going to work, that I’ll leave him for you because… because what?  You threw me a party?”

“I threw you a thousand parties.  Every single one, it was all a show— all the dancing and the small talk, I don’t need it.  It could just be the two of us, for all I care.”

“I could hardly imagine we’d finish all the booze…”

“Don’t joke with me.  Do I look like I’m joking?”

“You’re funny either way; you hardly speak with me, you hardly know me, and you think you love me.”

You gasped as he stepped forward, grabbing your wrist tightly.  A sharp sound made you understand that your champagne flute had fallen to the floor and shattered, but you didn’t see it because you couldn’t look away from his icy blue eyes piercing through you as they burned with rage.  “I love you.  I’ve never loved anyone or anything like I love you.  And you’re gonna love me, too.”

Protests died in your throat as the air was knocked from your lungs when he pushed you back into the wall.  He forced his lips over yours, holding the back of your neck so you couldn’t turn your face away.  Your free hand beat at his chest before it, too, was pinned by the wrist while he sighed and moaned against you, pushing his tongue between your lips.  A swift kick to the shin deterred him more effectively, knocking him back just enough to let you run for the door.  Your fingertips just barely brushed against the cold metal of the doorknob before he grabbed you at the waist and pulled you back.  “Help!” you screamed hoarsely.

“Nobody’s gonna hear you,” he laughed, pressing his chest against your back, his breath hot on your neck.  “The party’s too loud.”

He spun you around quickly, leaning in for another kiss.  “Walter!” you yelped, purely out of instinct, but he stopped you with a hand clamped over your mouth.

“How dare you say his name,” he hissed.  “How dare you bring him into my house?”

You couldn’t answer with his strong fingers holding your mouth shut, but you could mumble indistinctly as you began to cry.

“Has he fucked you?  Hm?” he interrogated coldly.  Afraid of giving no answer at all, you hesitated before shaking your head.  Sebastian smiled a little bit as he let his hand slip down from your face, his expression softening.

“He’s… he’s a real gentleman,” you explained weakly.

“Oh, I’m sure,” Sebastian chuckled incredulously.  “Never thought you’d want someone so… traditional.”

“He treats me right,” you continued.

“That can’t be true, if he hasn’t taken you properly,” he smirked.  “God, you don’t even know how good you can feel, do you?  Poor girl.  I have half a mind to throw you over that bed and show you right now.”

“N-no, Seba, please, you wouldn’t,” you stammered anxiously, watching his eyes drift from your own down to your lips, and your neck, and your chest.  You knew the plunging neckline was a bad idea.

“You haven’t called me that since we were children.  I miss that, when you still cared for me.”

“I’ve always cared for you, it’s you that pushed me away,” you reminded him.  “But it’s okay, we’ll be close again, like we used to.  We’ll be friends.  Just… just let me go, we should go back outside… your guests are expecting you.”

“What was that game we used to play back then?” he wondered aloud, ignoring your suggestion entirely.  “It was your favorite.”

“Ch-checkers?”

He grinned, more devilish than before.  “No… it was ‘I’ll show you mine if you show me yours.’”

You looked away, wincing at his mocking laughter as he held you a little tighter; the back of your dress was rather low, meaning that his rough hand was stroking your exposed back which made the hairs at the nape of your neck stand up.

“Do you still remember how to play?” he purred as he spun you back and tossed you onto the bed.  You tried to sit up but he was already on you, reaching under your dress to grab at your pantyhose.  

“W-wait,” you whimpered, but he had already found your undergarments and begun to pull them down your thighs.

“These legs,” he growled, “god, I can’t get enough of ‘em.  You know what you do to me, sweetheart?”

He answered his own question rather quickly as he grabbed your hips and pulled you closer to where he was kneeling on the bed— pressing the back of your thigh against the hard shape tenting his trousers.  You grimaced and looked back up at the ceiling, but he grabbed your chin between his thumb and pointer finger, pulling your face back down to look at where he was hovering over you.  

“No, no, darling, don’t look away,” he cooed, “I want you to see this.”

He lifted your leg as he turned his head to the side, never breaking from your gaze as he started to kiss your skin, moving up your calves and dipping lower to reach your inner thigh.  You weren’t entirely sure what he was doing, but you felt it sending shivers up your body as he moved closer and closer to somewhere he was very much not supposed to be.  “Seba,” you whimpered, not sure what you were pleading with him for but hoping it would get through to him anyways.

He just smiled wider, letting his teeth nip the delicate skin just beneath your hips.  You yelped a bit before biting down on your lip to keep quiet; you knew that if someone walked in now, you wouldn’t be able to say that he’d forced himself on you… not when you were lying back and letting him do this to you.  

Just when you thought his mouth couldn’t get any closer to the part of you that was suddenly throbbing of its own accord, he pulled back and pushed up your dress even more, growling at the sight of you spread wide for him.  “What a gorgeous pussy, darling.”  It didn’t seem like a sign of approval though, when he brought his hand down against it with a harsh smack, forcing you to cry out and throw your head back.  It hurt, at first, but then it felt so oddly good and you couldn’t explain why.  When he did it again, the pain and the pleasure were even more intense than the last time, making your legs quiver a bit.  “Oh, you like that,” he realized proudly.  “You’re getting so wet already.”

He hit you again, and again, until you were sobbing and begging for him to stop— not just because he was hurting you, but because you knew if he didn’t stop, you would reach your peak and that could not happen under any circumstances.  You couldn’t like this.  If you came, he would be able to tell so easily; he was literally staring right between your legs, there was nowhere to hide from him.

“Fuck, I can’t wait any longer,” he groaned, “I need to get a taste of you.”

You, being foolish and innocent in these regards, thought he was going to kiss you again.  In a way, he did; he grabbed your thighs tightly as he leaned down and latched his mouth onto your aching, swollen sex, moaning loudly as he explored you with his tongue.  Your eyes shot wide open, your hands reaching down to push him away only to falter halfway through and dig into his hair instead.  Between his lips, his tongue, and his teeth, it was like you couldn’t keep track of all the ways he was touching you.  Each moan from him vibrated right through you, until you were moaning even louder.  It was shameful, and your heart ached to know you were betraying Walter like this, but you were lost completely in the throes of pleasure that Sebastian was giving you.

Forcing your eyes shut only made the feeling more intense as your hands tightened into fists, gathering the satin-y through beneath you in your clammy palms.  But opening your eyes and looking back at him wasn’t much help either, with the way he was staring back at you so intensely.  You’d never seen his eyes so dark before, not in all the years you’d known him, and it made your skin crawl.

He stopped briefly to catch his breath, his prideful smile glistening with your arousal; it was awfully lewd, and you hated how attractive he looked all disheveled and hungry like this.

“You really ought to be spoiled,” he decided, his voice deeper and rougher around the edges.  “It’s a waste if nobody’s making you come like this every day, getting a taste of this sweet little cunt.”

That word made you wince, and you realized you were more offended by what he was saying than what he was doing, oddly enough.

He got back to it with more vigor than before, pushing his tongue into you as you bit down on your lip to keep from screaming.  How could something so wrong feel so thoroughly right, so perfect?  You hated him just as much as you loved him in that moment, and you wanted him to stop just as much as you wanted him to keep going.  The tricky thing was that you didn’t get to decide if you loved or hated him, or he stopped or continued.  Your body and mind were his playthings, pliable to whatever he wanted to take from you.

Apparently, he wanted to take more from you; when he had pushed you to your peak against your wishes, and done so much more easily than you would’ve liked to admit, he sat back and tossed away his jacket, freeing him to shirk his suspenders and unbutton his trousers.

“N-no, Seba, you can’t—” you whimpered mindlessly, attempting to crawl back away from him on the bed.

“You’ll let me devour you until you come, but don’t want me to get mine, too?” he grinned.  “Greedy little girl.”

He grabbed you and pulled you back down into him, gripping the neckline of your dress and tearing it down the front in a few quick rips.  You fought back but it was laughably useless, your strength nothing against his.  

“I hate when you wear things like this— things he bought you,” he explained with a snarl.  “These pearls, too, he got you these, right?”

There wasn’t even time to answer before he grabbed the string and snapped it, sending the pearls flying everywhere and rolling across the floor.  You felt more naked without them than you did without the dress.  Still, you felt especially naked when he pressed his hips forward and his length slid through your folds.  “No,” you sighed, “no— stop, it’s not funny anymore.”

“Funny?” he grimaced.  You yelped when he grabbed your jaw tightly, forcing you to look back up at him with wide, watery eyes.  “I love you.  You hear me?  I love you.”

“I know,” you sighed shakily.

“Say it back,” he demanded.  “Say you love me, too.”

“I can’t,” you shuddered, crying when he released your jaw to slap you harshly across the face.

“I’m sorry that I had to do that,” he sighed.  “I don’t think it’s right for a man to strike a woman, even if it’s with an open hand, but you need to get some sense into you.  I know you love me, darling.  You just need to say it.”

That false impression of mercy faded quickly when you only responded with silence.

“Say it!” he yelled, dripping with rage.

“I love you!” you finally cried, and he made swift work of reaching down to push his cock right up against your entrance, driving forward with brutal force.  Your back arched and your head fell back, your hands gripping at his half-buttoned shirt— some kind of silent plea that he slow down a bit, perhaps.  It didn’t seem to work, each thrust deeper and faster than the last already.  The only sounds now were his quickening breaths right beside your ear, his skin slapping against yours, and your weak little cries that you choked out each time he pushed himself all the way into you.

It stung and burned inside you, just like your eyes stung with fresh tears and your chest burned with some incomprehensible storm of emotions.  You wouldn’t call anything about this a relief, and yet there was something cathartic about it as well.

“He’s not gonna want you once he knows what I’ve done to you,” he whispered in your ear, tickling your leg as he pulled it to wrap around his waist.  “Once he knows I’ve taken your innocence, made you mine.”

You whimpered as sobs made your chest convulse, but said nothing; you knew he was right.

“He’s not gonna want you once I’ve knocked you up.  Nobody will… but me.”

You started to struggle underneath him, pushing at his shoulders helplessly.  “No, you can’t— you have to stop.”

“You’ll make such a beautiful bride, darling, especially if you’re already showing,” he grinned, bringing his hand to rest just below your bellybutton— just over your womb.  “I’ve dreamed all my life that you’d carry my child,” he admitted wistfully.

Crying did more to egg him on than anything, it seemed, as you barely managed to speak enough to plead with him not to finish inside you.  Maybe you were naïve, but not so much that you didn't know how easily you could become pregnant if he didn't pull out, or how quickly your engagement would be broken off and your reputation ruined if that happened.

He ignored your denial and moved faster, running his hands all over your body with a few brief detours to grope your breasts and pinch the hardened nipples.  

As his lips attached to your neck, you felt his teeth sink into your skin as he sucked just by your pulse.  “Don’t,” you whimpered, “you’ll leave a mark.”

“Good,” he mumbled, breaking away from his work at your neck to teasingly nibble on your ear.  “It’s no trouble to me if everyone knows what I’ve done to you.  I want them to know.  Don’t you think they saw us come into my room?  Maybe if you moan loud enough they’ll get to hear you coming for me.”

It should’ve made you try even harder to stay quiet— and it did, it just didn’t work at all, and soon your moans were echoing around the room as he smiled down at you.  “Close again, already?  You’re so sweet for me,” he praised, somehow angling his hips just right to hit the most sensitive places inside you, your walls rippling and convulsing around him.

“You have t-to stop,” you breathed, holding the waves of pleasure back with everything you had.

“I can’t,” he groaned, “you feel too good.  It’s okay, darling, just let go…”

He continued with a string of whispered praises, but you couldn’t hear it anymore as your body began to erupt in jolts of pleasure, your arms and legs shaking uncontrollably where they were wrapped around his neck and hips, respectively.

“Keep going,” he encouraged gently, “you sound so beautiful when you come, darling.”

But the sensation threatened to consume you, burned you from the inside out until you couldn’t take anymore.  It was overwhelming to the point that you lost all control over your words, needing this to end more than you needed to preserve any dignity you had left.  “Please,” you sighed, “please come, Sebastian…”

He laughed a bit, kissing your ear again.  “Sweet girl, I knew you’d come around.  Want it inside, darling?”

You shook your head, he laughed again.

“Yes you do,” he sing-songed condescendingly, “you want to have my baby, don’t you?  Wanna leave that awful man and be with me, like you should?”

He must’ve known there was only one way to get you to agree to that.

“Remember, darling,” he whispered, “it won’t end until you say yes.”

“Yes,” you choked out, “I want to be with you, Seba, I want your baby— just please come and get off of me.”

He grinned and fucked you faster, the slapping of skin so loud now that surely anyone in the hall would hear it.  His own moans were quiet but desperate, breathless as he started to pump and flex inside you, his warmth coating your insides as he groaned your name weakly.  He laid on top of you, motionless, for quite some time until finally sitting up and pulling out; unfortunately, you were too weak to do much with that freedom, just laying there and staring up at the ceiling as numbness chilled your extremities and fogged your mind.

“You just stay here and catch your breath,” he instructed gently as he gave you one last kiss before sitting up, readjusting his trousers and suspenders before finding his jacket on the floor to put back on.  He circled the bed to look out his window into the gardens, seeming much too relaxed and satisfied with himself.   

“W-Walter,” you remembered suddenly.  “He’ll be looking for me.”

“Hm, doesn’t seem like it,” Sebastian frowned, “I can see him now, having quite the conversation with a fine young woman.”

“What?” you shivered, sitting up to look at him as he stared down into the yard.

“I’m looking right at him, darling.  I figured you knew about his… reputation…”

You did, but you never really believed it; the papers lied about Sebastian all the time, so surely rumors about your fiancé could be just as unfounded.

“I need to go,” you decided as you jumped up off the bed, trying to cover yourself with your torn dress.

“Sweetheart,” Sebastian cooed sympathetically as he looked back at you, “where are you gonna go dressed like that?  Or, should I say, not dressed like that?  I know my parties can get a little wild, but we try not to have any nudity.”

You hated that he was right; you were trapped here, until you found some way to dress yourself.  And frankly, leaving his room dressed in different clothes than when you came in was nearly as bad as leaving his room naked.

“I’ll get you something to wear, just give me a moment, alright?” he offered, stopping to give you a peck on the forehead before slipping out of the door and back into the party.

He took a deep breath when he shut the door behind him, closing his eyes briefly to stabilize himself before putting on a smile and rejoining his guests.  A lot of people tried to stop him on his way, congratulated him on the party or asking him mundane questions, but he shrugged them all off as he continued his search for Walter Penner.  He found him looking rather lost somewhere by the west wing of the house, a drink in each hand.

“Two at a time, I like your style,” Sebastian boomed as he patted Walter on the back affectionately.  “The drinks, I mean.  I don’t believe everything I read in the papers.”

“Good,” Walter chuckled, “because it isn’t true— about girls or drinks.  The second glass is for my lovely fiancée— you haven’t seen her, have you?”

“Oh, I believe I have,” Sebastian put on a face like he was thinking about where he’d last seen her.  “She was just leaving.”

“Leaving?!” Walter pshawed.

“Yes, she said she’d forgotten something she had to do and scurried out the door.  I tried to stop her, but you know how she is when she gets her mind on something.”

“Hm,” Walter frowned.  “I suppose I’m meant to go looking for her.”

“Take a coat, it’s cold out there,” Sebastian offered.  “And if you see her, do tell her I give her my best.”

“Always,” Walter nodded, setting his drinks down and merging back into the crowd as he navigated out of the party.  Sebastian hummed a little tune to himself as he made his way back to his room; he could hardly wait to see you again already, tell you all about how your unfaithful betrothed had run off with one of his more promiscuous friends, but he had to be careful not to run too fast on his bad leg.  He figured you wouldn’t believe it, truly, but you’d give in to the story anyways if it was reason enough to justify your affair with him.  You had a talent for accepting whatever reality served your purposes best, and he was happy to give you whatever you wanted.  He figured you’d want an extravagant wedding, too; that would be easy enough.  

Ascending the stairs and resting his hand on the knob to open his door, he braced himself to see you there and finally know you were his— and only his, forever.  All he’d ever wanted, just on the other side of a door.  If a poor boy can become a millionaire in spite of everything, and he can finally get his girl in spite of a pesky engagement, then maybe anything’s possible. It was you that had told him since he was a boy that dreams were just dreams and couldn’t come true; such a fool you were, a beautiful little fool— the best thing a girl can be, and now that you were his girl, he intended to cherish your foolishness rather than attempt to educate you. Because truthfully, you were a smart girl, and only a fool for him.

[curestardust]

Dust Watched: Bishounen Tanteidan

Genres: Mystery, School Setting, Nisioisin // 12 episodes

Yes, I did just put the creator as a genre tag.

✧  story  ✧

Because there’s really no other way of explaining what this anime truly is like. There’re a handful of creators in the anime/manga sphere whose work is downright impossible to describe in words and you simply need to see it for yourself. Their personal styles IS the focal point. Case in point for this anime: NisiOisiN, the person behind the “Monogatari” series, and “Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei”. With Shinbou Akiyuki at the director’s helm for all of them, and now “Bishounen Tanteidan”, if you’ve seen Nisiosin’s style before you more-or-less know what you’re in for.

We’re introduced to the “Pretty Boy Detective Club” which is an eccentric “secret” club at Yubiwa Academy. Having “Detective” in the title, the stories are cases, that usually span 3 episodes, that need to be unravelled. Of course, if you know Nisiosin’s previous works, you’ll know that this isn’t as normal as it sounds on paper. The exact opposite in fact, nothing in this anime is normal. The cases are over-the-top, unbelievable, confusing and sometimes about extremely mundane stuff, like how a small girl could’ve carried something big into the club room without anyone noticing. 

That is all part of the fun however. Nisiosin’s works require suspension of disbelief. Some of the solutions to cases are completely nonsensical, while others are so mundane you wonder how they managed to spend 3 episodes on it. However, if you like Nisio’s style, this doesn’t really matter, because the spectacle and presentation are much more important than the “story”. In some episodes, nothing happens besides characters talking and yet the episodes flew by in a flash.

I usually don’t try to force myself to see the “deeper” meanings behind Nisio’s works cause my brain would short circuit but the last episode did help me realize the worldview of this anime. The second rule of the club “Be a boy” doesn’t quite refer to gender; it refers to being a kid. To look at everything with the wonder and enthusiasm as you did when you were a kid, when “playing detective” over finding the owner of a pen you found was “serious bussiness”. While the world of “Bishounen” is real, and the things we’ve seen aren’t metaphors but events that truly happened in that world, the anime does invoke in me the time we played pretend in the schoolyard during breaks, that feel silly in comparison to how we are now as adults, but were so important to us as kids.

✧  characters  ✧

Based on the cast, I never in my life would’ve guessed this was made by Nisio. Not only does the main character not have short black hair; they’re also a girl! And the rest of the cast is guys! Basically an entire reversal of all his previous works. Based on those, I was expecting a reverse harem type of situation but that didn’t happen? There’s absolutely no romance in this which is an even bigger?? Like, Nisio made this? REALLY?? Wow.

Okay, anyway, while I’m extremely happy about the cast being the way it is, with a crossdressing female main character and quite flamboyant supporting male characters, they’re still pretty one note. Mayumi, the MC, gets the most personality but it’s mostly because she is the narrator so we hear her inner thoughts. The rest of the cast are mostly driven by one core trait with a little sparkle of extra personality we’re shown. 

I was a bit dissapointed but then again, this anime was only 12 episodes and if they were planning on making this a multi-season anime, I’m fine with them not revealing everything from the get-go.

✧  art  ✧

While the constant cuts and visual metaphors are quite similiar to Nisio’s other works, everything else is very different. “Bishounen” is extremely colourful, peppy, with an almost constant “glitter” filter over almost every scene. The key frames and animations are beautifully animated, although the inbetween faraway shots did look a bit wonky at times. The whole style is almost too much to look at but it’s definitely an aesthetic that many people will enjoy.

✧  sound ✧

While the OP and ED aren’t quite my style, the OST is soooo good. 

✧  overview ✧

The anime did end with a “To Be Continued” at the end so here’s hoping that actually happens. Give me aaallll the sparkles.

My Rating: 9.5/10

[woodrokiro]

Bar Service (fic)

Fandom: Bleach

Characters/Pairing: IchiRuki

Summary: Bartenders--especially bartenders around the corner from her apartment--are strictly off limits. Restaurant AU. Written for @ichirukimonth . TW warning for mentioned child abuse. 

She doesn’t think much of the restaurant a few blocks away from her new apartment.

She always passes it to and from her work commute, of course. Maybe from time to time she glanced over, musing how it looks cute enough--a great place to take a date or some friends....

Before Rukia remembers: 1. She doesn’t have the time or capacity to date, and 2. She has no friends here yet… And probably won’t for a while, considering her lifelong difficulty making them in the first place. 

It’s fine by her, honestly. She likes throwing everything she has into her job, loves doing her best to earn a smile or laugh from her patients. That’s enough social interaction for her, and at the end of the day she can go home, pour a glass of wine, switch the television on to some silly drama and order takeout without mourning the “loss” of a Friday night.

So for the first few months that she’s living in Karakura: no. She doesn’t even think about stepping foot in Amore e Morte. 

Until she gets a particularly bad case at work. 

The fact that it was a foster child case alone makes her heart hurt--but of course, there’s always more with these sort of situations. 

A little girl named Hina, aged eight but looking so much smaller waiting there in her office. The social worker sitting with her--a woman named Rangiku, who Rukia knows a little and actually quite likes--squeezes Hina’s tiny hand before pulling Rukia to the side, quietly explaining the situation. 

Physical abuse from her former home where she had been for a year. Her teacher kept noticing bruises in odd places and finally called CPS, who did nothing for two months before the behavior escalated and Hina ended up in the ER.

Her new foster mom is a real nice lady, says she hasn’t been acting out or anything but… Rangiku shrugs, flashing a reassuring smile when the little girl looks their way. You know. 

She knows. 

So Rukia does what she does best: she goes to the little girl, introduces herself by her first name, and focuses on her work until she can sob angrily in her car at lunch break. 

And when her workday is done, when her emotions are fried and she’d really like a drink or three anywhere but her lonely apartment--she sees the restaurant’s sign, glowing warmly in the dusk light. 

Amore e Morte. Love and death. A weird name for a restaurant, she thinks, and wonders if the owners either don’t know Italian and thought the name was cool or are just uppity snobs. 

If you’d stop being so cynical you might go out and actually enjoy life. She can practically hear Renji’s voice scoffing in her ear now.

She parks her car at home before walking back over to the restaurant.

--

The outside of the restaurant is nice enough, but the inside is… Well. Lovely.

Brick walls painted white make the entire place look minimalist yet cozy. A couple of trendy paintings hanging sparsely through the restaurant makes the environment chic, but not overbearing. A few hanging lanterns bring just enough light to let everyone see where they’re going, but otherwise candles are utilized at each of the tables for a romantic touch.

Rukia sees by the sheer number of couples there that it is indeed a good place to bring a date.

And by the looks of one dish smelling deliciously of chicken and bell peppers that passes her by in a waiter’s hand, the food isn’t too bad either. Rukia’s mouth waters. 

“A table for one, miss?” 

Rukia startles from her musings, feeling rather silly as the bright and cheery hostess smiles patiently back. 

“Oh! No, I don’t think that’s necessary. I wouldn’t want to take up one of your tables. Do you have bar seating?”

“Of course! Right this way.” 

The hostess leads her into an adjacent room that sits tucked away from the main dining room. There’s still a couple of tables in this room, and two of the eight bar stools are occupied but it’s so much quieter here, the noise of the dining room a mere buzz. She breathes a small sigh of relief as she takes the stool at the far end. She wanted to be out and about, just… Not that out and about.

“Our bartender Kurosaki-kun will be taking care of you. I believe he’s just in the back talking to Chef, he should be right back.”

Rukia thanks her, taking a glance at the menu. 

She quickly finds out Chef Yasutora Sado’s menu inspiration is Mexican-Japanese fusion cuisine, which is… Interesting, considering the restaurant’s name is Italian. In any case, she’s fascinated. Rukia by no account considers herself a foodie, but the thought of blending traditional Japanese dishes with Mexican spices and turning them into something like sukiyaki tacos makes her stomach growl. 

“Can I get you something other than water to drink?”

Her gaze flickers from the menu to the well-toned arm extended out toward her, pouring a glass of water. Her eyes move up the arm to the man it’s attached to. 

A handsome guy, she’ll admit: if it wasn’t for the obviously bleached orange hair, the sword tattoo on his forearm peeking out from under his rolled sleeve, and the fact that he looked like he wanted to be literally anywhere else.

If she had to pick him out from a crowd, there’s no doubt she’d know him as a bartender. What a walking cliche. 

“Yes, I’ll take--” She didn’t even take a glance at the drink menu. She looks down quickly. “Sorry. Can I get a matcha mojito?” 

He nods, his hands suddenly flying through liquors and shakers and mixes to make her drink. “You ready for food, too?” 

“Any recommendations?” 

“Everything.”

She snorts. She’d be irritated by the subpar service if it wasn’t for his small smirk at her response. 

“Seriously, everything’s good here. If you get something you don’t like, drinks are on me.”

“Risky.” Rukia lifted an eyebrow. “You place that bet with every customer?”

“Every single one.” 

She highly doubts that, but she appreciates the trust in his workplace nonetheless. She orders a couple of small plates, and he tends to his other drink orders while she sips her own. 

The food, when it comes out, is… Infuriatingly good. Infuriating because she would have loved to have scored a couple free drinks off the arrogant punk bartender, but she’ll have to swallow her pride because the sukiyaki taco is absolute divinity. She sips her second drink, already accepting that she’s gonna have to admit to him she’ll be paying full price for everything she ordered.

Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like she’ll have a chance to gloat. From what she hears next door, dinner service has picked up and with that: drink orders. He’s doing as well as he can--hands expertly flying through the liquors, garnishing the cocktails with an expert flourish before passing them on to a server--but she can tell he’s feeling the stress, particularly when he reads his second to last ticket in the rush.

“Fuck,” she hears as he rolls his eyes, stalking over to the wine cabinet. A server comes by, concerned. 

“You need anything, Ichigo?”

He waves a hand, not turning to look at his coworker. “No, no I’m fine. Just annoying when I don't open a bottle before rush, that’s all.”

The server scuttles off to tend to her tables while Rukia watches him bang a (very expensive looking) wine bottle on the counter, clumsily ripping into the foil with an opener. At one point he cuts his thumb, and he half-hazardly wraps a paper napkin around it while he tries helplessly to pull the cork up. The wine opener doesn’t grip the bottle steadily a couple of times, she waits on baited breath to see if he’ll break the bottle. After a few dangerous-looking test runs, he manages to hoist the cork up, cursing out a “fucking finally” at the sound of the cork popping.

The whole thing must have taken ten minutes.

Maybe it’s the matcha mojitos finally hitting her, but she can’t help it. She laughs. 

He shoots her a wild look and she covers her chuckles with the back of her hand. 

“Sorry, sorry! I’m not--it’s not funny. I just… That was the most atrocious opening of a wine bottle I’ve ever seen.”

Ichigo stares for a moment before scoffing, turning back to his (finally opened) bottle and pours the wine into a glass. “Yeah, well… I don’t do wine service here, lady.”

“Excuse me? That’s ridiculous. You’re a bartender.”

“Exactly. Bartender. I do cocktails, not fancy wine stuff.”

“Let me guess, you consider yourself a mixologist.”

“Don’t ever call me that. Ever.” He’s shaking his head as he moves on to his next order, but oddly enough Rukia feels like she knows he’s suddenly having a good time. “Like I said, I don’t do wine etiquette and all that. That’s for the servers.”

“I’m just… It’s hard to believe you’ve made it this far in a nicer restaurant’s bar without knowing how to open wine.”

“Not that far. I’ve been here for like, six months.” He shrugs at her inquisitive stare. “Old buddies with the chef. I bar backed in college where he was a line cook, so… And if he ever got sick of me, my sister is his sous chef. Then again, she’s more likely to fire me than he is, the brat.”

“Especially with you not knowing how to open a fine vintage.”

“Get over it. When it’s not busy I get one of the servers to help me.” He looks down, having seemingly forgotten about his paper toweled thumb. “Shit. Hang on, I gotta get a bandaid from the back--”

“I have some, if you want.” Rukia starts digging through her purse. “If there’s not some restaurant code for the kind of bandage you’re supposed to use, of course.”

“If it looks neater than a shoddy paper towel job, ‘should be fine. Thanks.”

“You’re welcome. Here.” 

He stares at her outstretched hand. She stares back, getting more irritated as she waits. 

“What?”

“... It’s a Chappy bandaid.”

“So?”

“So why are you a grown ass woman carrying around Chappy bandaids?” 

“They’re for my patients, for kids.” She’s telling the truth, technically. To say she also quite enjoys Chappy as a character does not need to be mentioned. “Do you want it or not? Swallow your manly pride or go looking for an ugly beige bandage while your tickets pile up again. Tick tock.”

“Fine! All right, already.” He takes the bandaid and starts unpeeling the paper adhesive. “You a pediatrician or something?” 

“Child psychologist.” Suddenly Rukia remembers Hina’s sweet face and feels terrible for not thinking about her once this entire dinner. 

“Jesus.” Ichigo’s shaking his head, pressing Chappy to his cut.

“What is that supposed to mean?” 

Maybe it’s the alcohol, maybe it’s the guilt, maybe it’s the fact that it’s such a weird response to her revealing her profession, but Rukia can’t help it. She narrows her eyes and crosses her arms.

If he’s uncomfortable with her sudden hostility, he doesn’t show it. He shrugs. “It’s just… I can imagine it’s a hard job. Sometimes, anyway.” 

Oh. 

“Oh,” she exhales. “I’m sorry, I--yes. It can be, yes.I just… That sort of response I’ve only ever gotten from people that don’t believe in the importance of mental health. ‘Shrink talk’ and what have you.”

“Nah, I believe it.” He’s finished his job of covering his wound and moved on to his next drink order. 

She’s abashedly stirring the ice in her glass when she barely hears him say: “I had to go to a children’s therapist once, as a kid. Helped me a lot.”

She raises her head to look at him. He hasn’t changed his facial expression, nor is there any change to his body language as he continues to do his job--but as a psychologist, Rukia can’t help but wonder whether she’s the first person he’s ever told this to. 

“Me too. When I was a child, I… A therapist had helped me, too.” She raises her glass and clears her throat. “To recognizing childhood trauma, I suppose.”

He lets out a short laugh at the sudden dark joke, a sound so quick and so… So nice she can’t stop the fleeting thought that it’s a sound she’d like to hear more of. She shoves it away. 

Bartenders are absolutely off limits. 

He raises the glass that he’s mixing a cocktail in. “Yeah. Cheers.”

--

Later when she finally picks up the check, she pauses.

“Excuse me.” She waves Ichigo down, maybe just a tad tipsy. “You got the check wrong.”

He frowns, taking the bill from her and scanning it. “What are you…”

“You forgot to put a drink on there. My third one.”

It clicks and he rolls his eyes. “Oh my god.”

“What? I’m being honest.”

“It’s on me.” He slides the receipt back to her. 

“But I didn’t dislike any of the dishes!”

“Take some advice, will you Doc? If the restaurant staff didn’t put something on your bill and you still got it, chances are: we wanted to give it to you.” They lock eyes for an intense moment before he clears his throat, looks down to wipe his (suspiciously clean) bar. “‘To childhood trauma,’ and all that. Now stop yapping so loud about it. You want everyone in the restaurant to hear about me giving out free stuff?”

She shuts her mouth at that, but one small detail about what he said is bothering her.

“It’s not ‘Doc,’ so you know. I have a name. It’s Rukia. Rukia Kuchiki.”

“Okay. Whatever, Rukia.” He turns around and waves his hand. “And I’m Ichigo. Just pay your damn bill and come back soon or whatever.”

And with that: she guesses she has a new spot.

[everythingsinred]

Let's Talk About NatsuMikan: Natsume (pt. 22)

Today we'll talk about the Time-Travel Arc. Obviously, the focus in that arc is Yuka's past, so there's going to be a lot of content that I'll skip unless it's relevant to NatsuMikan. What ship/character content there is I will dissect heavily. This is just a warning that I'll be skipping even five or so chapters at time, and it might seem jarring. Sorry about that.

In this part, we'll see how Natsume and Mikan are in many ways fated, but also how selfless Natsume can be, even in the face of losing the person he loves the most forever. He's going to keep his promise to protect her no matter what happens, even if it means never seeing her again.

Chapter One Hundred and Seven

For most of this arc, Natsume and the others are merely observers of Yuka’s past. They keep the talking and interaction to a minimum. There will be some instances where Natsume does enough for me to be able to analyze him, but they’re limited to start with.

For example, when Tsubasa, Tono, and Nobara are finally able to join them, there’s a dramatic reunion.

Nobody has seen Tsubasa in some time, and his whereabouts were a mystery. Obviously he shares a meaningful embrace with Mikan, but he also makes eye contact with Natsume, who looks shocked and relieved to see him again, even if he wasn’t the one to find him. Tsubasa knows Natsume had searched tirelessly for him, so he apologizes for making Natsume and the others worry. For a moment, it almost seems as though maybe they will share the next reunion hug. But to show that everything truly is back to normal, Natsume’s demeanor shifts and he gets annoyed with Tsubasa for hugging Mikan for so long.

Thinking really hard about Natsume's love languages: nicknames, being willing to die for you one second and then pretending like you're a nuisance the next, never giving compliments so they hit like a brick when he does, just hanging around you, and physical touch.

Natsume doesn’t know how to show feelings properly. With Ruka, he can be more openly affectionate and loving, and now with Mikan he has recently (today) had the opportunity to be more honest about his feelings, but Tsubasa is different. For a very long time, he has pretended like Tsubasa was nothing more than a nuisance. Suddenly being honest with everyone would be tiresome. Besides, Tsubasa already knows that Natsume cares, since he struggled so much to find him.

If you want to hug somebody, Natsume says (or doesn’t say… this conversation seems to all be telepathic), go hug Misaki. Not my girl. It hardly matters that Misaki isn’t around and that idea is impossible to make a reality. So Tsubasa naturally shoots back that he will simply pretend Mikan is Misaki.

Natsume is a good person, as we have seen over the course of the manga. When he loves someone, he loves hard and with his whole chest. He doesn’t half-ass his feelings. Despite his occasional bouts into saying something kind and heartfelt, he is and always has been naturally a bit more reserved. His personality is one to withhold a little, and to interact with people through teases. Even at his most free, before he came to the academy, he would tease and insult before saying something sweet. His love will always be something that needs to be interpreted, because he hates being open about why he’s doing the selfless things he is. If he is too open, then people will know and then they might feel guilty or like they owe him something. He doesn’t want that. Another thing is that he just likes having fun with his friends and loved ones this way, with occasional taunts and teases. That’s just the kind of person he is.

Chapter One Hundred and Nine

We get introduced to Igarashi Kaoru, an upperclassman of Yuka’s and a mysterious figure. Yuka first met her in a compromising position, when she’s about to sleep with a boy who we will later find out is Natsume’s father. She looks very much like a more grown up, female version of Natsume, and they seem to have a lot in common when it comes to their basic personality.

Just like Natsume, Kaoru can be serious-minded and doesn’t take any shit. She’s also like him in that she shows affection through teasing.

Mikan, in this chapter, finally asks who this Igarashi person is, since she looks so familiar. Natsume sarcastically says, “Heaven knows.” I’m sure he wasn’t actually expecting to see his mother in these flashbacks. She died when she was very young and as a result she didn’t have the opportunity to talk much about Yuka. It must be a surprise to see that she played such an active role in Mikan’s mother’s life.

Heaven knows. Get it. 'Cause she's dead. Hahahaha.

To everyone else, it’s obvious that the Igarashi person is related to Natsume. Ruka might even directly recognize her from the painting he saw at the Hyuuga house that one time, but either way they look and act so similarly that it’s apparent to everyone but Mikan.

In any case, Natsume is seeing more of his mother than he ever has before. He knows very little about her, since she died when he was so small. He couldn’t have many conversations with her and he spent more time mourning and missing her than actually being with her. Not only is Mikan getting the chance to know the mother that was a mystery to her for her whole life, but Natsume is too. This is also his chance to discover his mother and get to know her, and it’s just his luck that Yuka and Kaoru actually had a strong bond.

After Kaoru intimidates Yuka at the Hana Hime den, Mikan and the gang react to the shocking scene. Kaoru is a force to reckon with, and Noda comments on how this force and tough love helped Yuka find strength in herself and confidence in her own alice.

Ruka insists on knowing more about Kaoru, and since everyone but Mikan seems to get that Kaoru is Natsume’s mother, we can see that Ruka is asking for Natsume. Natsume won’t ask. This is about Yuka, after all, and about Mikan. Natsume will see what he will of his mother insofar as she’s in Yuka’s life. Beyond that, he won’t ask for anything. Ruka knows this, so he asks instead. He wants to know about Natsume too, and what better way than to learn about the woman who seems to have so much in common with him? Natsume is touched that Ruka would go out of his way to ask a question Natsume will not ask.

Noda answers that Kaoru and Yuka will become best friends after this, and Mikan is shocked. How could someone so scary be Yuka’s best friend? But Noda explains: Kaoru has a compassionate and caring heart behind her cold front, just like Natsume, and Yuka could rely on her, even in her darkest moments. Yuka wouldn’t have gained confidence in her alice the way she did without Kaoru by her side.

That is a really fucking long red string!

And then Noda says it so even Mikan can tell now, that Natsume’s mother has always been beloved and a truly amazing person.

Chapter One Hundred and Ten

Noda further explains about Kaoru. She used her alice to spy on the academy for the HSP, and then after she graduated she continued to use her alice to expose corruption. She was deeply committed to doing the right thing and holding the academy responsible, and this commitment was inspiring to Yuka as well, who went down the path she did for the same reasons.

Somehow, their children met at the academy by pure chance, and are standing side by side now.

Here they are, standing together and in love with each other. Fate is a silly thing.

They are fated somehow. The same red string that tied Kaoru to Yuka now ties Natsume to Mikan. In fact, it’s his love for her that motivated him to go against the academy, more than his own misfortune or the wellbeing of other students or even because it was the right thing to do. The strong bond between their mothers now lingers between them, but differently, and maybe even stronger.

Natsume and Mikan are holding hands, looking at each other. Were they always meant to meet? To be together? Nothing is said out loud, but it’s apparent that they’re both thinking about their moms’ past and what exactly it means for their future.

Perhaps there's a difference between fated to fall in love and fated to be together.

Chapter One Hundred and Sixteen

Lots of chapters are getting skipped because there simply isn’t enough content, if any, of Natsume, not to mention NatsuMikan specifically.

Izumi is about to die, and everyone knows it as they watch. Mikan has just returned from falling through the time window. She wanted to warn her father, but Tsubasa was able to bring her back without much changing. Natsume immediately goes to Mikan’s side when she is safely returned and doesn’t leave. He holds her hand because what she’s about to witness will be deeply traumatizing and he knows that she will suffer all the more because she wasn’t able to stop it.

Everything happens as it is meant to, perhaps. Izumi is dying from Rei’s alice, since his own nullification can’t fight against Rei when he uses so much power at once.

I don't have anything clever to say here. He just loves her so much.

Mikan is distraught, and although Natsume first just tries to keep her from approaching the window again, once he sees her crying, despairing face, he shifts. All he’s ever wanted to do was keep her happy, keep her from sinking into even a fraction of the darkness he’s had to live in. It hasn’t always been easy, because Mikan was also destined to suffer, just like him.

Everyone else is pleading with Noda to get them out of the hole, to stop the flashbacks, but Noda can’t. The window is too turbulent and any moves on his part might be dangerous.

Protecting her no matter what doesn't only mean protecting her from physical harm, it means protecting her from seeing horrible things that she shouldn't have to see, like the death of her father.

So Natsume holds Mikan close. It is the only thing he can do, to tell her not to look and to hug her. She doesn’t need to see anymore. Natsume doesn’t just want to protect her physical safety but her mental and emotional well-being as well. He fell in love with a girl who always looks on the bright side, who is so optimistic and kind that her cheerfulness bleeds into everyone else. From the start, he was concerned that if her life darkened, her own light would fade and become tarnished.

But Natsume doesn’t need her to always smile. He just wants to protect her the best he can. If she needs to cry, then she can cry on him. He will hold her and support her and comfort her. She can’t always be happy, but all he’s ever wanted was to be there for her when she can’t be. When she needs to crumble a little, he will be there for her, because she would do the same. She comforted him too, even if she never knew she was doing it. It's not about having her be happy all the time, just minimizing the trauma. He can't protect her from all of it. Everything else is more powerful than he is. He can't keep her ignorant and blissful forever. Nobody can. But if they can't escape the flashback, then he will keep her from looking.

He can do this openly now, so he does. He wants her to know that she can rely on him and seek comfort from him. No matter what happens, he will be there for her.

So as Izumi dies, Natsume and Mikan aren’t looking. She doesn’t need to see. He keeps his focus on her, to support her, because she has to process a deeply traumatic event in a very short time. After all, the flashbacks are still going. Time didn’t stop for Yuka, and it won’t stop for Mikan.

Natsume’s shirt is probably soaked with tears. Not that he cares.

He holds her, not just through Izumi’s death, but for most of the aftermath. He stays, holding her, for as long as she needs him to. He will only let go when she’s okay to stand again. He ends up holding her for a couple chapters, and even when they stop hugging he still holds her up. He'd hold her for hours if she needed it.

Conclusion

Natsume and Mikan learned that their mothers were besties and are now struck with the knowledge that by pure chance they managed to meet and become as close as they did. Natsume confessed to the whole DA class (including Mikan) that he loves her in the last part, and he's done nothing but prove it over and over again.

We'll wrap up what is left of NatsuMikan in the Time-Travel Arc next week on Monday. His low self-esteem, selflessness, and all-consuming love will all take center stage in the next few entries.

Thank you all so much for reading so far. I hope you have a lovely day!

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[themonotonysyndrome]

Chaos Horizon

Part 6 of the ‘Successors of the Future’ is out! Man, next week is already the new year... what a year this has been! Anyway, I don’t have a lot of things to say today so let’s get right to it! Oh, and have a happy holiday everyone!! 

Let us never forget that this whole series begin because of the amazing @tri3tri and her equally amazing fics and galaxy brain. If you haven’t check out her blog yet, then please do! I’m such a sucker for family drama and yandere characters and her blog continues to feed me whenever work stresses me out. 

-

A year has passed in Twisted Wonderland. More importantly, for the students in Night Raven College. 

Renata has learned quite a few important things just this one, short year. Yes, she needed allies for the time when her father finally discover her presence here in Night Raven College, but she never expected to honestly care and dare she admits it, love Hoyle and Rex. 

They were nothing like the friends she made in her old school back at the other world. She noticed their true personalities underneath the surface with each passing days. Underneath his sarcasm, gung-ho attitude and sly tongue, Hoyle Trappola is someone who cares deeply for those who managed to see through him; see past his defences. Renata felt blessed to be his close friend after a night the three of them shared in her bedroom, just playing games and watching movies on his laptop. In a rare window of honestly after Renata explains about her family life and circumstances, Hoyle repaid her honesty by admitting that he wish that he could be a better son to his Dad. Being a single father is tough and despite doing his best to shield him from the hardships and struggles, Hoyle overheard one night when his Dad is talking to his grandparents on the phone. How they urged him to consider marrying a woman so he could have someone to support him and Hoyle in the house. 

This was when he was still a child.

Renata didn’t offer sweet, comforting words. She knows that all Hoyle wanted was to vent, so he let him talk while tucking her head on his shoulder and pressed close to his side. She listens because that was Hoyle needed. 

Rex is the total opposite of Hoyle, yet just as bright and amazing in his own way. Underneath his serious demeanours, resting bitch face and volatile impulses, Rex Spade is actually an insightful and gentle-hearted boy who looks out for Renata and Hoyle even when it’s unwarranted. Though it’s quite easy for them to persuade him to join in their shenanigans with a few teasing words and in Hoyle’s case, a challenge. 

Never had Renata enjoyed her school life with friends like these! 

The other important thing - or realisation - that Renata discovered is that her Mama’s friends always kept her in their thoughts. 

Though Hoyle’s Dad gobsmacked expression when he brought her to his home for Winter’s Break was, uh, an experience. To put it very mildly. 

Renata originally planned to return home via the same spell that Headmaster Crowley used all those years ago to send Mama and her siblings back to her world during Winter’s Break. But while Hoyle, Rex and her were hanging out and playing cards in Heartslabyul’s main lounge, Hoyle brought up in mid conversation that his Dad offered their home to stay if she had no way to go during the holiday. 

“You’ve been talking about me to your Dad?” Renata had asked, folding her cards on the table. It sucks to learned that she’s terrible at poker and she pouts whenever Hoyle snickered at another bad hand on her. “Or have you been complaining about me?” 

Beside him, Rex stares down at the cards in his hands, hard. As if they hold the answers to the universe. Around them, the other Heartslabyul students gave their table a wide berth, though there were a few brave souls that greeted Renata when they came over to tease Hoyle. 

Renata happily introduces herself to them as a show of appreciation. 

“A bit of both. Mostly complaining when we had to clean the Hall of Mirrors.” Hoyle easily admits without a shame. He gathered all their cards into a deck and shuffled them. “Anyway, you down? My Dad seems to know your Mum so he offered our place to stay if you don’t have any plans.” 

Ace trappola, one of Mama’s best friend that she mentioned before. Renata would like to see just what kind of man he is. 

With a nod, Renata reply, “If it’s no trouble then, yeah. I’d like to hang out at your place for Winter’s Break. I’ve never been to the Rose Kingdom before.” 

And we’re now back to the present - where Renata and Ace are hanging out at his home; both waiting for Rex to show up with his Dad. 

It’s the last day before they had to returned to Night Raven College. 

“Have you met Rex’s Dad before, Hoyle?.” Renata asked, her eyes glued to the TV as she munches her bowl of cereals. They could hear his Dad walking about upstairs. 

“Have I met him before? Dude, he’s my godfather.” Hoyle scoffed, scarfing down the last bits of his own cereal before placing the empty bowl on the coffee table in front of them. A simple breakfast while watching the morning cartoons are the best. “Rex got his stick-up-the-ass attitude from his Dad.” 

“Ah. So he’s super strict?” Renata guessed. 

“More like serious, but he’s actually silly.” Hoyle amended. “He and my old man love to argue literally about anything and everything. They’re weird like that.” 

Renata just hums. She’ll get to meet him soon enough. Upstairs, his dad hollered at him to clean up so they could go out as soon as the Spade arrives. While the Trappola are getting ready, Renata gathered the dirty dishes from their breakfast and went to the kitchen to wash them. 

Mama always told her to be on her best behaviour if she’s under someone else’s house. 

Just as she puts the last bowl away, she heard heavy footsteps - heavier than Hoyle’s - coming from behind. 

“You really didn’t have to clean the dishes, you know. Usually Hoyle does it before we go out every Sunday.” Said Ace, leaning against the wall. 

“It’s not trouble at all, Mr. Trappola.” Renata assured him. She dry her arms by blowing hot air onto them before turning around to face her Mama’s best friend. “It’s nice that you finally look at me, instead of my horns.” 

“A-Ah, you noticed that?” Ace stammers, abashed that he wasn’t as subtle as he thought. 

“It’s cool, Mr. Trappola. I get that a lot at school too.” Renata admits easily. She’s gotten annoyed at him tip-toeing around ever since Hoyle introduces her. It was obvious that he has questions; it just that he doesn’t know how to ask them. 

Scrambling to salvage the situations, Ace took a moment to exhale harshly before he decides to be his honest self. “It was rude of me, yeah? We all didn’t know what to think when your mother just... disappeared one day and then suddenly, my kid brought back her own kid who just so happen to look like the King of the Valley of Thorns...” He trailed off and then he regards Renata with a severe expression. “What happened your mother, Renata-chan?” 

“It’s a long story, Mr. Trappola.” Renata said instead, smiling ruefully. “And I don’t want to ruin our day. Can I tell you and everyone what happened to Mama and us later tonight?” 

“Sure, kiddo... Is it alright for me to called you that?” 

“Mm-hmm! So what are we doing today, Me. Trappola?” 

It was nice to see the ice chip away from Ace little by little, now that the man sees past her appearance. While waiting for the Spade to arrive, Renata had a lot of fun chatting and laughing with Hoyle and his Dad, now that there’s no awkwardness lingering between them. Ace didn’t waste any time telling the teenagers all the trouble her Mama and him got into at Night Raven College and hearing the life that Mama had before Father kidnapped her was a blessing to hear. 

Judging from Ace’s story, it sounded like her Mama had a lot of people who truly loves her. It’s good to hear it. 

The buzzing of the doorbell interrupted Ace mid ranting how it was Deuce who often got them all in trouble - not him! - and MC never seem to realised that and no one back him up. His reminiscent were put on hold when Hoyle went up to usher the Spades in. 

Deuce Spade immediately blanked out, mouth slack-jawed the moment Renata waves hello to him. He looks as if he just saw a ghost. 

“Yeah, I know how it looks like.” Ace interjects when Deuce couldn’t stop spluttering and stammering, his eyes kept switching to Ace and then at Renata...and then back to his best friend. Ace just clap his shoulders in a comforting manner. Meanwhile, Rex ducked underneath the two men to scurried over where Hoyle and Ace are seated. He squeezes himself in between them to show them the new café that just open up in the Rose Kingdom through his phone. 

Once Ace managed to stressed out to Deuce that Renata will explain hers and MC’s story later in the evening, they all head out to town. 

“You said that you’ve never been to the Rose Kingdom before, Renata?” Rex asked out loud for the others’ benefit. The town nearby to the Trappola house is bustling with life today. “Then there’s so many things you gotta check out! Do you like desserts? What kind of desserts do you like? Have you ever tried ice-cream cake before?” 

“Easy there, Rex. You’re going to overwhelm the poor girl.” Deuce lightly scolded his son. His eyes linger a little too long at Renata before he caught himself and jerk away. “A-Anyway, how about we all walk around first and see what catches Renata-chan’s attention.” 

“Sounds like a plan, Mr. Spade!” Renata internally wondered if all of Mama’s friends would react this way when she introduces herself to them. 

That entire day, the Spade and Trappola played the perfect hosts to her. As they brought her to one shops after the other, chill out at the park after lunch and regale how the Queen of Hearts used to govern her kingdom, Renata found herself comparing the Country of Thorns to the Rose Kingdoms with every little things that she saw. Everything is so bright and... open here. The sun is shining down on them and everywhere they go, humans occupied the land but Renata did notice a few beastmen going about with their lives. It was nice to truly witness the world outside of Night Raven College and the Valley of Thorns. 

Hoyle and Rex made sure they kept close to Renata, shielding her with their bodies when strangers stare at her a little too long for their liking and would usher her into a shop or café to distract her from their curious stares. They weren’t subtle about it, but she is touched that they care about her that much. 

Renata is beginning to understand why Mama always talk so fondly about their Dads. 

After dinner, everyone returned to the Trappola’s house so Renata could finally explain herself. The living room is packed full and it reminded Renata of her siblings and Mama crowding in front of the TV to watch a movie. 

“Did Mama ever told you guys that while she was at Night Raven College, she met Father at night?” 

“Father... so your... Dad... really is...” Ace began, but unsure how to even continue but Renata save him the trouble with a nod. 

“Malleus Draconia. Mama said he’s a pretty big deal during his time at the school, being one of the top 5 strongest Magician in this world and all...” 

Hoyle scoffed. “Understatement, Renata. He’s the strongest Magician in all of Twisted Wonderland now. The number 1.” He explains. 

Well. Renata wonders how her little sister would react to this when she tells her later. 

Renata then continue on with the story. “Mama explained that they were friends and that in the beginning, everything was fine. But in the end, their story completely went off the train tracks.” 

And so, for the rest of the evening, Renata did her best to explain what had happened to Mama as honest as possible. They love Mama and so they deserve the truth. 

She told them everything that Mama had told her and her siblings. Of Mama’s friendship with Malleus Draconia and how what looked like a happy ending turned horribly wrong when her Father was consumed with the horror that one day he would outlive his wife and one and only dear friend. His intense love, possessiveness and obsession with her and their children blinded him to everything else - to the point that he kept their Mama and them in a gilded cage. 

Renata kept her dislike over Bellatrix to herself when she explains how they managed to escape from the castle on the eve of her Father’s second wedding. In the end, it was thanks to Headmaster Crowley that they could live freely in the other world. 

Until the Ebony Carriage came to pick her up and now, here they are.

Renata watches her audience did their best absorb the information overload.

“I never thought...” Ace muttered, distressed. His bit his lower lip, thinking hard. “I never thought that Malleus Draconia had MC all along... what a fucked up situation!” 

Deuce is troubled as well. “Poor Prefect... to think the Malleus Draconia fell in love with her... No wonder we couldn’t find her!” 

Beside him, Rex nods furiously while Hoyle is already growing bored of this conversation. “It sucks, but it sounds like your Mum is pretty badass for a magicless human. I mean, being able to escape from the most powerful Magician ever in Twisted Wonderland? The King of all dark Fae? Kudos to her.” Hoyle interjects. “So, what’s gonna happen now? You said that your Dad is crazy possessive over you guys, so I very much doubt it if he’s not looking for you guys. Even until now.” 

Finally! They’re getting to the good parts. 

And so with a curious smile, Renata asks, “Funny that you mentioned that. Do you guy know what Sebek Zigvolt is up to these days?” 

-

Night Raven College’s Entrance Ceremony is always a big event on this island every year. 

He was one of the main characters last year - of the many that was addressed by the Mirror of Darkness - but as a Second Year student, he’s standing among the rest of the older Savanaclaw students now. Scenting the newly sorted First Year cubs and waiting for the whole thing to wrap up already. 

At the centre of the chamber, the headmaster continues to called out names to step forward and face the Mirror of Darkness. 

Amber Leech, Aeacus Shroud, Felix Felmier... the ceremony goes on. 

“Psst! Bakari!” A voice suddenly whisper. 

Bakari turn his head to the side and there’s Renata with her ceremony robes’ hood up, beaming at him. She’s standing away from her Diasomnia mates, a good space between her and the crowd at the back that no one seems to pay her any attention. 

Bakari slips away from the rest of the Savanaclaw students in favour of walking towards her. 

“How’s the fresh meats?” Was the first thing that Renata asked him.

“Some of them look promising.” Bakari admits. “More predators than preys so far.” 

“Oooh, Savanaclaw’s hierarchy is so harsh.” Renata reply a bit absentmindedly. Bakari notices that her green eyes are scanning the room and the crowds around them. Looking for someone. Something unpleasant churns in his stomach but he resolutely ignores it. “Are you gunning for the Dorm Leader’s position?” She wondered.  

Bakari scoffed, his tail flicking irritably just at the mere thought. Unlike his Dad, he has no lofty ambitions to secure a powerful position for himself. “Savanaclaw is governed by the laws of the strong eating the weak. You have to be the strongest in order to be the Dorm Leader and I have better things to do than watching over my dorm members.” 

Like figuring out how to appease his Dad after he told him to stay away from the lizard bastard’s whelp during Winter’s Break. Regardless of her surname. 

As if he’s going to do that though. He wants to fully unravel the mysteries of Renata MC/S. For the time being, she’s the most interesting creature in Night Raven College. 

“Sounds tough.” Renata murmurs. “Well, it’s a good thing that you don’t want to be a Dorm Leader! Otherwise your workload would take you away from me.” 

Bakari just hums. Already gotten used to her offhanded flirting. 

The two of them watch in the background as the group of First Year students gradually thinned out. The headmaster’s loud voice carried to the back of the chamber. 

“... Sherrie MC/S, please step forward!” 

Murmurs erupted when said student pulled down her hood, a pair of black horns is clear for all to see. 

Bakari glance to his side to see Renata beaming. “You were looking for your sister?” 

“Something like that! It’s so nice when everything is coming together, don’t you think?” Renata chuckles, pleased with herself for some odd reason. It just made Bakari more and more intrigue. 

And the uncomfortable feeling within him vanish just like that. 

“...Octavinelle!” 

The murmurs now turn into confused whispers and fingers are pointing as they all watch Renata’s little sister melded into the crowd of new Octavinelle students. Some of the students nearby even glance behind to stare at Renata and when she cocked an eyebrow at them, they quickly turn away. 

“Octavinelle? Did the Mirror made a mistake?”

“I thought only merfolks are sorted into Octavinelle.” 

“Those horns looks just like her’s. There’s no way she’s a merfolk!”

“Maybe her magic is not as strong to be sorted to Diasomnia?”

The students of Night Raven College sure love to gossip, Renata couldn’t help but internally mused. Even worse than those back in her old school. 

“Guess you’re planning to catch up with her after the ceremony?” Bakari assumed, casting a sideway glance to gauge her expressions. 

“I’ll meet up with her tomorrow, after she settles in for the night.” Renata answered. “There’s no need to rush. We have lots of time to prepare for the future.” 

-

Ok! I think I did ok with this oneshot. Editing, was as usual, a bit tedious but the power of Miku’s songs prevail and I manage to push this through! Hope you guys have a wonderful holiday. 

[jayeray-hq]

He’s My Best Friend: Aone Takanobu

Post Time Skip/Manga Ending Spoilers!

Warnings: fluff and very, very slight implied NSFW and innuendo

Choose your own ending platonic or romantic!

He’s My Best Friend Masterlist - Character Masterlist

Thank you as ever to the wonderful and talented Tay @deathcab4daddy​, thank you for beta reading for me! I don’t know what I’d do without you!

The Past: How You Met

           You’d met Aone Takanobu the day you’d started school for the very first time. It had been an exciting day for you, one you’d been looking forward to for a long time. You distinctly remembered putting on your fancy new uniform, admiring your reflection in the mirror. You’d almost missed out on breakfast because you ignored the calls for you to join in, you’d been so caught up in how grown up you looked and fantasizing about how amazing school was going to be.

When the time had come for you to be dropped off, you’d pranced happily out of the car without fear, and entered your classroom with your head held high. The teacher had greeted you warmly and helped you find your desk, and you’d immediately set about trying to befriend the people next to you eagerly chatting away.

             The desk mate on your right, whose name you’d long forgotten, had been all too happy to speak with you at the time, but no matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t get the boy to your left to talk. He’d look at you, and he seemed to be listening to what you said to him, but no matter what questions you asked, no matter what you said or did, he didn’t respond to you, not even when you asked his name.

             In the end, your short attention span meant you’d given up on talking to the quiet white-haired boy, and instead interacted with the others around you. It had been an incredibly enjoyable morning, and it only got better when you were invited outside for recess after lunch. You and some of the girls you’d befriended over the course of the morning had all plopped down together so you could show them how to make flower crowns. It was a skill you were rather proud of at the time, one that your next-door neighbor, who you’d thought was the coolest girl ever- a middle schooler, and clearly knowledgeable about all the best things, had taught you.

             It had all been going extremely well, right up until you’d heard a ruckus on the other side of the playground. You’d looked up from the crown you were making to see a bunch of boys all gathered around the white-haired boy who’d refused to speak to you. Looking at them all grouped together you’d realized rather abruptly that he was really big, standing at least a head taller than the tallest of the other boys and rather broad too.

             Curious you’d tuned into what the other boys were saying to him. You’d gotten the shock of your young life when you realized they were making fun of a boy who looked like he could easily take them all on if he wanted to. Bloodthirsty little thing that you were, you’d watched on eagerly, sure that the boys were about to get beat down, as they called the white-haired boy all sorts of mean names, insinuating he was stupid and slow.

             However, you’d gotten another shock when you realized he wasn’t doing anything. Instead, he just stood there, taking their words, head down and unmoving, not bothering to protest or stand up for himself. It had confused you quite a bit, as you couldn’t fathom why he didn’t try to make them stop one way or another.

             The taunts had increased in fervor a couple seconds later, calling the white-haired boy a cry baby of all things. Concerned and nosy, you’d gotten to your feet and edged closer to the group of boys trying to get a better look. Up close you could see the boy really was crying, though he still wasn’t making any noise, fat tears were running down his pale cheeks. It was a sight pitiful enough to tug your heartstrings, so you’d decided in all your five-year-old glory, that you couldn’t allow it to continue.

             Like the warrior of truth and justice that you’d thought you were at that age, you’d launched yourself at the group of boys, small fists swinging, doling out sharp kicks to the shins and telling them off for being mean. You’d taken them all by surprise, and between that and the fact that you threatened them very fervently with cooties if they didn’t leave you and the white-haired boy alone, they scattered.

             You’d then rounded on the boy, who flinched but still didn’t move, staring at you with wide brown eyes. He’d looked so scared at that moment, clearly afraid that you were about to be just as bad or worse than the boys you’d scared off. Instead, you’d grabbed one of his hands and dragged the confused stumbling boy after you, back to the nice patch of grass where you’d been making flower crowns.

             You’d pulled him down onto the grass next to you, and started back on your work again. As your fingers moved to piece the crown together, you’d lectured him firmly about letting those other boys push him around, and then showed him how to make a proper flower crown. You’d then plopped the one you’d just finished on to his head, and admired your work, extremely pleased with yourself.

             Aone had gazed at you for several long minutes, clearly bewildered, but then had finally spoken to you in a slow, stuttering voice, introducing himself as Aone Takanobu. It turned out the reason he didn’t speak very much was because he had a bit of a speech impediment that made him stutter. It was the reason the boys had been making fun of him earlier, which you thought was just silly.

             You’d told him firmly that it didn’t bother you at all, because you’d given him a flower crown, which meant the two of you were friends for life now. Aone had stared, wide-eyed and clearly astonished, a faint blush on his pale cheeks, but had apparently accepted your declaration at face value. By the end of that recess, you’d had a flower crown of your own in your hair, messy and clumsy but made with care, and the two of you had been best friends ever since.

 The Present: Your High School Days

             Frustrated beyond belief, you slowly beat your head against the table, hoping that you could somehow beat the information into your brain since nothing else seemed to be working. Fortunately, before you could give yourself a concussion on the table, a large warm palm slipped beneath your head.

             You turned your face, keeping your cheek pressed to the hand underneath your head, and looked up at your best friend who was peering at you with clear concern on his face. Seeing his apprehension, you heaved a long sigh and lifted your face up, not wanting to make him worry. Though most didn’t realize, because they judged him solely by his appearance, Aone was an enormous worrywart and would fret himself into anxiety, especially when it came to his friends.

             Despite growing taller, broader, and more muscular, Aone was the same sweet teddy bear of a guy, with a heart made entirely of marshmallow fluff, as he had been when you’d met way back when you were five. The only difference was that these days he was no longer picked on, both because he was too intimidating for most to try, and because you and his other best friend had done your best to encourage him to stand up for himself.

             Futakuchi had been an interesting addition to your group. He’d apparently taken one look at Aone, and much like the other people you met, assumed just because he was big he would have the attitude to match. However, unlike other people, he’d simply thought it was cool and had wanted to befriend him because he thought they’d enjoy the same things.

             He’d been just as stubborn and persistent as you had back when you’d first befriended Aone, coming around all the time and acting like an enormous pest. He’d followed Aone around everywhere, and as his one and only best friend at the time, it had seriously irritated you. It angered you to the point where you and Futakuchi got into petty squabbles almost every day. He thought Aone should stop hanging out with you because you were a girl and obviously lame, while you thought Aone should stop hanging out with him because he was a jerk.

             Things probably would’ve continued like that, except one day both of you had been caught up in squabbling, and suddenly Aone had once again been approached by others looking to bully him. Unfortunately for them, both you and Futakuchi were entirely wound up from fighting with one another, but when presented with other, easier prey had rounded on them. The two of you working together had been enough to bring them to tears, the group of boys running away with their tails between their legs.

             After both you and Futakuchi had gained a grudging respect for one another. Futakuchi had realized that you could be just as vicious as he was in defense of Aone, and you realized that he was willing to stand up for your friend who you were incredibly protective of.

             Things had been easier after that, though the smart-mouthed brunette was still closer to Aone than he was to you, you still got along fairly well. It helped that after Futakuchi had dragged him into volleyball, a place where Aone’s height and size were something to be praised rather than something to make fun of, Aone had gotten much more confident. These days, if your bickering with Futakuchi got out of hand, Aone was right there in the middle of the two of you, pushing you apart, and giving you both scolding looks.

             A gentle hand resting on your head pulled you from your thoughts and you refocused on your friend, who was looking even more worried than he’d been before. His brow was furrowed with concern, his face close enough to yours that you could actually see the pale hairs of his eyebrows that tended to look nonexistent from a distance because of how light they were.

             “I’m alright,” you assured him, pulled back to the present by the gentle weight of hi hand as he set it atop your head, clearly trying to regain your attention, quickly explaining, “Just struggling with math as usual.”

             “Do you need help?” he asked, his voice a low rumble in his chest, the words coming out confidently.

             Aone had managed, with the help of some speech therapy and budding confidence, to get his stutter mostly under control. It rarely ever appeared these days, and never in your presence. He still had to think over what he wanted to say before he said it, which made him a little slow to respond sometimes. However, as long as you waited patiently, he would never leave you hanging, even if he still didn’t talk much around others for fear the stutter would come back.

             “If you don’t mind?” you asked him, giving him the most pitiful look you could muster, earning an amused huff from your friend who knew exactly what you were doing.

             “Show me,” he agreed, taking a seat beside you.

             You did as asked, sliding your work toward him and watching him work through it patiently. You probably should’ve continued to focus on work, but you’d had something on your mind for a while now.

             “Hey, Aone?” you asked, hesitantly.

             The tone of your voice must’ve tipped him off that you had something serious on your mind, because he instantly looked up, all his attention on you. He waited patiently for you to put together the words, not rushing you, simply waiting to hear whatever you had to say.

             “Are you alright?” you managed finally, peering at him worriedly, “I mean, with the third years leaving and Futakuchi being named captain.”

             The words ‘instead of you’ hung between the two of you, unsaid but clearly heard. Honestly, you’d been more than a little shocked that Futakuchi had been named captain, with his oftentimes caustic personality you weren’t sure he had the disposition for it. In your own personal, and likely highly biased opinion, Aone would’ve been much better. He had the patience for it, along with the admiration of his kouhai, and was the best player on their team. It just didn’t make sense to you that he’d been passed over in favor of Futakuchi.

             “I will miss the third years,” Aone told you, after a moment of contemplation, “But their decisions are their own. We will simply have to do our best to make them proud, though they are still coming to practice fairly regularly.”

             You couldn’t help the small smile that flitted across your face at that. You’d known despite their decision to leave that the third years were going to have a bit of a hard time letting go. You’d gotten to know them fairly well, having come to as many games and practices as you could manage in support of your friend, who’d done the same for you.

             You’d honestly really liked Moniwa, and had hoped the captain would stick around a bit longer. He’d been really good both to and for Aone. He was also an incredibly sweet guy, and you’d admired that he was able to deal with both Futakuchi and Kamasaki who was like an older and only slightly mature version of him.

             “Futakuchi will be a good captain,” Aone expressed, quiet but resolute, without any form of regret in his gaze, as he answered your other question, “I trust him to make the right decisions for the team, and will do my best to support him as vice-captain. We’re going to go to nationals next year.”

             That was honestly just like him. Aone was probably one of the most supportive people you’d ever met and a fantastic friend. He wasn’t upset at all and had instead chosen to instead be happy for Futakuchi and focus on what he felt was most important.

             “I’ll be right there, cheering you on,” you told him with a smile, because if he was happy, you were happy.

             He smiled at you, small but sincere as he gently rested his hand on top of your head in thanks, before indicating that you should get back to work. You sighed, but went along with it, glad that he was so willing to help you. You didn’t know what you would’ve done without him.

 The Future: Platonic

             “What are you doing?” the deep voice of your best friend asked, his words startling you enough that the nails you’d been holding in your mouth dropped to the floor with a clatter. You turned to look at Aone, who was standing in the doorway, a distinctly unimpressed look on his face.

             “Fixing it?” you replied, the words coming out more like a question than the statement you’d intended.

             The look he gave you for that was one more judgmental than you’d ever thought your sweet, teddy bear of a friend would ever be able to manage. It made you both simultaneously proud, and a little irked knowing the credit for that lay almost entirely at the feet of you and Futakuchi. You’d never thought it would be turned on you in quite this manner though.

             Aone strode forward and began to thoroughly inspect your work. His hands handled the bookcase parts with care as he gently turned them over seemingly without effort despite the fact that you’d struggled to lift them on your own. The stupid thing had broken after one too many books had been stacked on it, which you’d found rather infuriating. Still, you hadn’t wanted to get rid of it, and so had been trying to fix it yourself. Judging from the look on his face, you hadn’t been doing nearly as well at it as you’d hoped.

             “Well, Mr. Construction worker? What’s the verdict?” you asked curiously, “Is it salvageable?”

             “Maybe,” he told you, completely noncommittal as he held out his hands for the hammer you’d been using. Reluctantly you passed it over to him, knowing full well it would be much safer in his hands than in yours.

             Gently he caught one of your hands with his before you had the chance to pull them back, as quick as ever despite only playing volleyball recreationally these days. He tutted audibly over the state of them, clear disapproval and accusation in his gaze that had you wilting in shame.

             “Why didn’t you call me?” he asked as he gently tugged you to your feet, pulling you toward the bathroom where your first aid supplies were kept.

             “I didn’t want to bug you, you’re a busy man these days, and I totally had it under control,” you told him, even as you hopped up on to the bathroom counter, well used to Aone behaving like a mother hen by now, holding out your hands when he asked for them.

             “Next time, call,” he scolded firmly, the words making you smile despite the fact that he was telling you off. He’d come a long way from the shy little boy you’d met at recess all those years ago. Back then he never would’ve dared to scold you, now he did so without a second thought.

             Being vice-captain of the volleyball team had been good for him, and he’d really come into his own, helping Futakuchi lead them to nationals during interhigh that last year and retiring shortly after. You’d actually been a little surprised he retired, especially since you’d fully believed he had the talent to go pro, a belief backed by several offers from different places for a sports scholarship. However, Aone had confided that while he loved volleyball, life in the spotlight simply wasn’t for him. All he wanted was something peaceful where he didn’t have to talk too much and could work with his hands.

             He’d certainly found that in construction, and was slowly but surely working his way up the ladder. The maturity and assuredness he’d found through volleyball had really helped him become independent and strong, so much so that at times you wondered if he really needed you anymore.

             However, the moment intrusive thoughts like that flitted across your mind Aone was suddenly there, with his quiet but insistent presence, assuring you he would never, ever leave you alone. The two of you were best friends for life, and you knew it, though it was nice to see just how far the two of you had come together.

             At times you found it almost ironic, the one who’d needed looking after, and become the one who did all the looking after, your dynamic flipped. Not that you minded. You found it sweet how he fussed over you still despite both of you having other people in your life nowadays. Speaking of which…

             “How did you know I was trying to fix something on my own again anyways?” you asked, more than a bit suspicious.

             The look he gave you in turn spoke volumes. You were going to kill Futakuchi, that little jerk, he was such a tattletale. It was no matter though, you’d just have to remind him once again, that Aone loved you most.

             The clear exasperation in your friend’s eyes told you he knew exactly what you were thinking, and you couldn’t help the joyful laugh that escaped your lips. Honestly, dragging Aone away to make flower crowns that day was probably the best decision you’d made in your whole life.

 The Future: Romantic

             You would’ve thought that of the two of you, it would be you who would initiate a romantic relationship with Aone, that you would jump into it just as fearlessly as you had jumped into being his friend. However, despite the feelings that had slowly but surely grown over the years, you hadn’t been able to take that last step. Something always held you back.

             A part of you desperately wanted it, so badly you could almost taste it. You knew the two of you could be good together, your years of friendship over two decades now, had certainly proved it. However, you were afraid. Back then, Aone had accepted your friendship in part because he simply hadn’t been able to say no. He’d been too shy and unsure to do so even if you both thought that it had worked out for the best in the end.

             He’d grown a lot since those early days, and you liked to think he was much more assertive about getting what he truly wanted these days. However, you’d noticed very early on that Aone never, ever, said no to you. It didn’t matter how much it might inconvenience him or how much he might dislike doing whatever it was you requested. He would quite literally bend over backward for you.

             It meant you’d had to be very, very careful about how you framed your requests, doing your best to be extra considerate of him and his feelings. It also meant that you were now too afraid to confess, afraid he would say yes to you just because it was what you wanted and not what he actually desired. Accidentally forcing a relationship on your friend because he was too sweet to say no to you would be the absolute worst, which meant you were stuck.

             Futakuchi, who’d noticed and teased you rather relentlessly over your feelings, had tried to insist that the only reason Aone never said no to you was because he was head over heels in love with you. However, you were pretty sure he was just being a jerk to you again, and you had done your best to adamantly ignore everything he said, much to his mounting frustration.

             You’d convinced yourself that it was for the best, that if you just waited you would get over your silly one-sided crush. Unfortunately, said crush had lasted over a decade and was showing no signs of fading any time soon. In fact, a part of you knew it was far beyond a crush at this point, but you were absolutely adamant about keeping silent, sure that you were doing what was best, not just for Aone, but for you as well. Because getting into a relationship with him, only to discover later that he’d only ever loved you platonically was a blow you weren’t sure you’d ever be able to recover from.

             Thus, you’d allowed yourself to stay firmly in denial, and didn’t suspect a single thing when Aone came by to pick you up from work that day. The two of you had planned to hang out together, and you were more than a bit excited, especially since he’d said he had a surprise for you.

             You’d noticed as you walked that he was dressed rather nicely, in dark jeans and a plaid button down rolled to the elbows to show off muscular forearms. It was actually a bit unusual for your friend who seemed to prefer comfy clothes in his off time, usually sticking to t-shirts and sweats, or athletic wear when he could. You’d hastily shoved the thought as far down as it would go the second it occurred to you though, locking it up with all the other non-platonic things you’d thought about your friend over the years.

             Instead, you’d focused on pestering him, trying to figure out what this surprise he had planned for you was. However, as to be expected, he was incredibly tight lipped about it, simply offering you amused, indulgent smiles that let you know he knew exactly what you were trying to do, and wouldn’t cave in.

             To your surprise, he’d driven you to a beautiful park, one filled with beautiful fields of flower. You’d been utterly ecstatic about it, practically bouncing as he showed you the picnic basket he’d brought along. The two of you had set up in a nice spot and hung out for a while.

             You’d been so preoccupied with the food and talking to him that you hadn’t noticed that he’d been doing something with his hands, right up until he carefully plopped a neatly formed flower crown on top of your head. You stared up at him in shock, fingers gently brushing the petals of the flowers set among your hair, confused but feeling a surge of warmth at the nostalgia of it all as you peered up at him.

             “No matter what, we are friends for life,” he told you, his voice serious as he held your eyes, the words making your heart squeeze painfully as conflicting emotions warred in your chest. The nostalgia and love you had for him, fighting with the fact that you wanted so much more with him.

             “Futakuchi has told me that I haven’t been obvious enough with my feelings,” he continued solemnly, the name of your nemesis helping to jolt you out of your internal conflict.

             You stared at him wide eyed as he gently took your face in one of his large hands, cradling your cheek as he stared down at you intently and told you, “I’m in love with you, bunny, and would like to be romantically involved with you.”

             It took a moment for the words to process, especially since you got caught up in his nickname for you, a byproduct of an unfortunate incident with marshmallows, Futakuchi, and the fact you were smaller than him. However, once what he said finally reached you, you immediately reached out to pinch your thigh, wincing slightly at the sharp burst of pain. You apparently weren’t dreaming.

             “Are you sure?” you asked him, unable to help your worry or your disbelief that this might actually be happening. Your hands were clenched tightly in your laps, nails digging into your palms as you tried to fight the rising hope, “This isn’t because Futakuchi told you I’m in love with you is it? Because you have to be sure, and if he did tell you I swear to all the kami I…!”

             Your torrent of babble was cut off by a gentle finger on your lips, one that instantly made you fall silent and stare up at your friend in confusion. However, seconds later the finger was replaced with gentle lips, sweet and surprisingly soft against your own, the feel of them enough to make your heart race as your eyes fluttered shut.

             You savored the feeling of his mouth on yours until he pulled back. You blinked your eyes open to find him watching you with the softest expression you’d ever seen on his face, full of affection and care.

             “Futakuchi did nothing but encourage me to confess my own feelings,” he assured you, gravely, then reiterated, “I am in love with you.”

             “I love you too,” you confessed, the words spilling out, raw and unfiltered, your heart racing, giddy joy flooding through you as you realized this was actually happening.

             “Good,” he affirmed, leaning forward to kiss you again.

             You reached for him eagerly, wrapping your arms around his neck and basking in the euphoria of knowing your feelings were returned, noting that you probably owed that idiot Futakuchi a gift basket or something. For now, you were just going to savor the feeling of his lips, and enjoy the fact that you were absolutely and irrevocably in love with your best friend.

[jenomark]

➔Pairing: Taeyong x Reader ➔Other Members/ Characters: Ten | Johnny  ➔Genre: Smut (w/ plot!) ➔Warnings: Weight is mentioned a lot | Self-esteem & Self-worth issues | Could be triggering for people with weight issues | Fingering | Vaginal sex | Oral (M) ➔Word count: 4,321

➔Summary: For many reasons, you haven’t had sex in a long time. Though you love yourself and your bigger body, you’re always aware that other people might not. After a bad night with someone who didn’t want to be seen in public with you, your best friend Ten offers to set you up with his friend Taeyong. 

*This is very body positive, but it does deal with a lot of negative things that are very close to reality for most people. I tried to portray things as accurately as I can, given my own experiences. I know not everyone’s experience is like mine. It’s a very honest outlook on having a one-night-stand or FWB relationship while being a bigger girl. 

  Mr. No Name. He hit all the right notes and strokes. He was attractive and mildly interesting. More importantly, he said he didn’t care what you looked like, or that it had been awhile since you’d had sex. His clothes flew off mid-air, and you watched them land here and there. Mistakes never landed in one spot, you thought. They peppered your life like seasoning, and even so, life had been tasteless, as of late. You still found yourself craving the morsel that would poison you.

“Can you give me a moment?” you asked.

  Nameless stretched across your bed like a God, his arms draped out in what he must have pretended was satin. IKEA might have felt honored. When he spoke, he told you to hurry back quickly. He said he didn’t have that much time, but you suspected he was the type to fuck and leave. 

  “Okay.” you said.

  You left your bedroom, not really thinking that you’d just left a stranger to rummage through your personal belongings. You went into the bathroom and turned off all the lights. You didn’t want to look at your body stuffed into the lingerie you carefully picked out for the occasion. You didn’t want to know what he saw when he looked at you. You hated that you were that girl, but old habits die hard, or rather, they come back from the dead and pick you apart until you’re just bone.

  Sex. It never mattered much to you. You would consume it when it came, just a notch above feeling grateful that someone would stick themselves inside of you. You didn’t know if it didn’t matter because it didn’t, or because you couldn’t fathom caring so much about someone that didn’t care for you back. It was easier to skip the hurt altogether and go straight for the parts where you ate the ice cream without the excuse.

“Get a grip.” you told yourself in the darkness.

  It had been awhile since you’d had sex because, despite being happy in your own skin, you were still terrified of someone seeing you naked. It was hell to explain how fulfilled you felt as your own person until a man looked at you and diminished your worth by calling you the most unfuckable person in the room. It was so easy for someone to tear down years of hard work and self-reflection for a two second shame fest by a stranger in a passing car, yelling about your weight, or what you should and shouldn’t be eating. And, yes, you hated that you cared what people thought of you, even after all this time.

 Enter: Mr. No Name. You called him that because he gave you an alias to call him by, and the fake name didn’t sit well with you. You wanted to ask him why he didn’t want you to know him, but deep down, you already knew. No one wants to be seen with the fat girl. You knew you were completely right when you asked him for coffee, and he looked as if you’d asked him to march around town with a parade float tied to his leg. Not everyone would look at the straight-sized man and the plus-sized girl and think negatively, but there would always be people who were still looking. Maybe you didn’t want to be seen as much as he didn’t want to be seen. Maybe you were also the problem.

 Still, you were horny and touch starved. After all, all you wanted from him was sex. That was the agreement. And you loathed yourself for briefly wanting more, for looking at him and his desire for you, and thinking that it could extend beyond the bedroom. Silly you for wanting what some people had. You had to forgive your own poor self-esteem and hope that others would, too.

 When you went back to your bedroom, he had passed out on your pillow. He was hugging the other one, his naked body smooth against the fabric. In his sleep, the prospect of him didn’t seem as scary as you thought. You wouldn’t hold it against him. You woke him and told him to put his clothes back on. 

“So what?” he said. “Things don’t work out. It wasn’t meant to be.”

  You looked over at Ten and felt that he was completely missing the point. It was your fault. You were never honest about how you felt because you didn’t want to bring attention to it. He knew your lingering insecurities as well as anyone, but there were things he could never truly understand. Last thing you wanted was for someone to pity you, or worse, think you’re just making it all up in your head. 

“I want sex,” you said. “I think I’m drying up down there.”

“Dating apps.” Ten said, as if his genius idea would save you. 

“Absolutely not.”

“You have to start somewhere.”

“I’m not a fetish,” you said. “Dating apps make me realize why I don’t date in the first place.”

“If you wait for things to happen organically, you might miss out,” Ten said. “Do people still do newspaper ads?”

“Are newspapers even a thing?” you asked.

  You and Ten looked at each other and shrugged. There were so many things you understood about each other. You sat down and wiped sweat from your forehead. You were supposed to be cleaning your apartment. There was something about deep cleaning that soothed you. And Ten was supposed to be helping, but he was sipping his hot tea and playing around on his phone.

“Can I be honest with you?” you asked.

  It felt like now or never. He didn’t need to know everything, just a little bit where you were coming from. There were sirens going off in your head telling you not to say anything to him. Your big mouth couldn’t stop once you were dead set on something.

“Always,” he said, putting his phone down. “Is this about the date?”

You nodded. “It’s about me, too. I’m..I don’t love the body I’m in..sometimes..other times, I love her. She gets me from point A to B. She makes me feel sexy. Forget what makes you healthy and what doesn’t. I don’t listen to anyone else but my doctor. All I know is that I love myself, from my ridiculous long second toe, to my double chin. All of it. And I think that scares people away, and I think I let them scare me away, too.”

“Was he that bad?” he asked.

“He didn’t want to be seen with me. Before we entered my apartment, he asked if anyone knew he was there,” you said. “ I would have cried if I was any other person. You know, I’m not even mad that he was like that. At this point, I expect that more than I don’t. I’m mad that, for one moment in time, I really expected him to be different. He kept saying how much he loved my body, and I didn’t get fetish feelings from him. I thought, “Wow, he could really be the one. He could be the fuck buddy of a lifetime.” Despite fucking it up in so many other ways, he made me feel like a person. I felt wanted.”

“He sounds like a dick.” Ten said.

Slowly, you nodded in agreement. At the same time, you and Ten sipped your drinks, lost in thought. 

Then, as if he remembered something important, Ten tilted his head and said, “I know a man.”

“That’s great,” you said, dryly. “I know a lot of men, too.”

‘“No,” he said, slapping the table. “I have a friend.”

  You raised your eyebrows. You thought about being sarcastic, but Ten wasn’t paying attention. It was no fun if he didn’t play back. He was excited by his own thought process, the wheels in his head spinning. 

“You just want sex!” he said.

“Correct.”

“With someone who will be seen with you in public,” he continued. “So they don’t kill your lady boner. I know a friend who will do that for you.”

“No.” you said, flatly.

“Why not?”

“I’m not a charity case,” you said. “I don’t want a man to fuck me just because he feels bad.”

“This guy isn’t like that.”

  You wanted to say that all guys were like that, but that way of thinking didn’t help anyone. It wasn’t true. You knew there were men out there who were what you wanted, you just didn’t know why they were halfway around the world. You thought of Ten’s friends, which were also your friends, by default.

“Which friend?” you asked. “All of them are with someone. Besides, I wouldn’t have sex with any of them. It would be too weird.”

“You don’t know him.”

“But I know all of your friends.”

“Not this one,” Ten said. “He’s in my art class. You’ll love him. Come to Saturday’s class. I’ll introduce you.”

  They say fat girls shouldn’t wear overalls. You looked at your tummy in the reflection of a car and pressed your hands against it. Your thighs looked like they were bulging in the little shorts. You shook your head to rid yourself of the thought demons that tried to make you think you were anything less than sexy. Whenever it came to the opinion of men, unfortunately, they liked to show up and rear their ugly heads. You looked adorable in your overalls, and you’d look smokin’ hot out of them.

 You weren’t good at art, so you didn’t know how to dress up, or how to behave. You showed up and stood by a bunch of people smoking cigarettes and gossiping. You thought the atmosphere would be more like the movies, and you thanked yourself you didn’t show up in some ridiculous scarf and a beret. 

“You’re earlier than I am,” Ten said, hugging you from behind. “That’s not something I can get used to. You look like an art ho.”

“What is an art ho?” you asked.

  Self-consciously, your eyes started going towards your reflection. Ten took your arm and led you inside, past the smokers, and right through a door into a cool and brightly lit studio. Ten came every week, and you could see why. The place had a cheery vibe, and everyone around you was smiling and sitting down at an easel. There was food in the corner of the room and all of these prints on the wall that you could look at for hours.

“So,” you said, sitting down. “We just...paint things?”

“Yes, “Ten said. “We get a theme for the day. No rules. No stress or worries. It doesn’t matter what it looks like. All that matters is that you have fun.”

“That’s easy for you to say, you’re a great artist.” 

Ten blushed. “I try my best.”

  Taking your place and watching everyone slowly trickle into the class, you noticed how attractive everyone was. You didn’t know what Ten’s friend looked like. You didn’t even know his name. You imagined him in your head, building him up like a clay figure. He had eyes and a nose, he was tall and resembled a beautiful marble statue. You looked around the room and realized there were mostly couples, their eyes finding each other wherever they went. Your eyes kept swimming around the room, too, even as the class began. And that’s when you saw him.

“Whoa.” you said underneath your breath.

  He was beautiful. He was tall, like you imagined. So much of his broad shouldered body peeked out from behind his easel. He had black hair, which he swept back from his forehead. He had a smile permanently fixed to his face, and the warmest brown eyes you had ever seen. You physically gulped before nudging Ten.

“Who is that?” you asked. 

Ten smirked. “That’s Johnny. All the girls love him.”

  You were all the girls. You couldn’t stop staring at him. You wondered if painting him would be too creepy. As class began, you tried focusing on the project at hand, but your eyes kept going back to him.

“I need to get laid, “ you whispered. “I need to get laid so badly.”

“Will you relax,” Ten whispered back. “I don’t need you climaxing in front of my class. I think that’s frowned upon.”

  You forgot about Johnny as best as you could and painted the sexiest fruit bowl of your life. You were proud, tired, and most of all, itching at the chance to talk to Johnny. You were thankful for Ten in that moment, so thankful that you could have kissed him. But, your attention was not on Ten. You were thinking about Johnny’s big body slamming you down onto your bed and fucking the still life out of you.

“I want you to meet him now.” Ten said. 

  You stood fast, your knee knocking into the easel. Several people looked your way because of the loud noise. You waved and tried to shake off the embarrassment. Johnny stood too, his face a model of perfection. He was so happy that it was infectious.

“He’s a little too attractive.” you said. 

“Johnny?” Ten asked. “I guess so.”

  Ten ushered you forward. As you were getting ready to extend your hand out to Johnny, Ten kept pushing until you were in front of the easel at the end. A man stood up and wiped his hands on his jeans.

“Hello, “ he said. “I’m Taeyong.”

  You were speechless. You cursed yourself for automatically thinking it was Johnny. The look on your face must have said it all, because Ten needed to cover for you. He told Taeyong your name after fixing you with the longest side-eye in human history.

“Taeyong,” you said. “Right. I’m sorry. I’m just...so..in love with your painting.”

  You looked at his painting. It was chaotic. The fruit were different colors and they were all smashed, the seeds ripped out, and the juices flowing. He had more paint on his hands and arms than what was on the canvas. 

“This?” he asked. “Thank you. Painting gives me energy.”

  Ten put his hand on your shoulder and said he was going to clean up his station. You couldn’t recover from the initial embarrassment, so you offered to go help him.

“It’s okay if you don’t like what you see,” Taeyong said. “I understand.”

  Ten gave you one last “I will fuck you up if you ruin this for yourself” glance before disappearing. Everything in you felt apologetic towards Taeyong. It wasn’t even about him. 

“It’s not you.” you said.

Taeyong laughed. “That’s usually how the saying goes.”

“No!” you said. “Really, it’s not you. You’re wonderful.”

  And you meant it. Though he was different from Johnny and different from what you expected, Taeyong was very handsome. In your mind, you didn’t judge the way he looked because you didn’t want him to do the same to you. You knew how it felt too well, which is why it hurt you that he was feeling that way.

“Can I be honest?” you said. “I think I fucked this up. Ten didn’t tell me anything about you, and I thought you were someone else.”

“Ahh,” Taeyong said. “Imagine the disappointment.”

  You could feel yourself growing dizzy.  You took a seat in the chair next to Taeyong. When you stood, you were a little taller than him. When you sat, your body felt massive in front of his smaller frame. You looked into his face, into his eyes which didn’t look as upset as they should have been.

“I’m an idiot,” you said. “All these years wanting people to censor themselves for me, and I end up doing it to someone else. Can we start over?”

Taeyong sat. He placed his hands between his thighs and nodded. The way he moved was so cute that you couldn’t help but smile.

“Taeyong,” you said. “Would you like to come home with me?”

“Y-e-eesss.” he said, drawing the world out cutely.

  You found yourself back in your bedroom, in a role that seemed too familiar. You were starting to feel scared that Taeyong only came back because of some fat fetish. He had been seen with you in public, had even reached for your hand on the walk back to your apartment, but fear had a way of resurfacing in intimate spaces. 

“This is nice,” Taeyong said, gesturing up at the painting above your bed. “I draw on my walls, but this is much more sophisticated.”

  You couldn’t seem to talk. Your mouth was dry. You asked him if he wanted a drink so that you could have one to loosen up. He said he didn’t drink much because his neck got all splotchy and red. You skipped the drink and disappeared into the bathroom, like a coward.

“We’re here again,” you said to yourself. “Just fuck him al-”

  There was a knock at the bathroom door. You turned on the lights and opened it slowly to see Taeyong standing there. 

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I’m good.”

“It’s just that,” he said. “You’re talking to yourself. I talk to myself sometimes, too. Do you want to do this another time?”

  He looked so sweet that something in you just toppled over the edge. You didn’t say no. You didn’t say yes. You crossed the threshold and kissed him, grabbing the back of his head. The kiss itself was so soft and tame that you kept trying to make it more aggressive. Taeyong released his lips from yours and rubbed his mouth. He laughed nervously and looked down at the floor. His lips were red and swollen, his eyes more lustful than before when he finally looked back up at you. He stepped forward and kissed you, pressing his body up against yours. Normally, feeling someone's tummy against yours would make you retreat, but you were so lost in the moment that you didn’t notice. 

“Bedroom?” Taeyong asked.

“Yes.”

  It was Taeyong who guided you to your own bedroom. Your eyes went straight to the painting above your bed. There was a new appreciation for it. When you looked back to Taeyong, he was looking at you like he was looking at art: admiring, questioning.

“You’re nervous,” he asked. “Why?”

“It’s been a long time since I’ve been with someone.” you said.

  You and Taeyong sat on the edge of your bed. You were itching to kiss him, but you felt that the questions on the tip of his tongue would get in the way.

“Being nervous is okay,” he said. “But I want you to know that I’ll take my time and make it enjoyable for you.”

  He leaned in to kiss you, his hand pushing your hair out of the way so that he could rest it on your cheek. Your hand was on his thigh. Things started escalating, like you were both trying to one-up the other. Taeyong’s hand was on your breast, trying to figure out the machinations of the overalls. You were rubbing his leg a little too much. He had to ask you to stop or he'd explode. You laid back on the bed and let him hover above your body. Your thighs felt extra jiggly when his hands caressed you. You felt yourself clamming up, and Taeyong sensed it and stopped.

“I’m not entirely comfortable with my body sometimes.” you admitted. 

“Do you want to stop?” Taeyong asked. “We can watch movies or play board games?”

“Board games?” you asked.

He shrugged. “I like games.”

 You wanted to laugh. Taeyong was much different from Mr. No Name. Being with him felt less like a performance. It was like you were being intimate with a friend, only intimacy looked a lot like awkwardness. 

“I don’t want to stop,” you said. “Do you?”

“No.” Taeyong said.

  He sloped down to kiss you. His hand continued moving up your thigh and into your shorts. Having someone's fingers inside of you after not having anything for so long felt like an epiphany. You moaned and stopped kissing Taeyong. Not because you wanted to stop exploring his mouth, but because you couldn’t contain your excitement. You opened your legs and let him finger you, his skinny and long fingers jerking in and out of you with zeal. 

“Don’t stop,” you moaned. “Don’t stop.”

  You came around his fingers quickly, your hand reaching out to grab his wrist. He delicately kissed the side of your neck, double chin and all. You took a minute to catch your breath, but Taeyong was all over you. He unhooked your overalls. He lifted up your shirt to reveal your stomach. Checking to see if it was okay with you first, he kissed your soft flesh. You moved further up the bed so that his face was down below. He helped you remove the outfit, and you finished it off, sitting up on your bed naked and fighting the urge to cover yourself.

“Don’t tell me I’m beautiful,” you said. “Don’t say anything at all about my body. Tell me about yours.”

  Taeyong smiled in understanding. He yanked his shirt over his head and pointed at his scar. The pink jagged line was shiny. You yearned to place your lips against it. 

“A scar,” he said. He brought his hands up his body, his ribs noticeable. Seductively, he brought his hand back down until his fingers caught on his zipper. It didn’t take much for Taeyong’s baggy pants to fall to the ground. He slipped off his briefs to reveal his soft cock. “Can I show you my body?”

“Yes.”

  He was going to come to you, but you scooted to the edge of the bed. You didn’t love the way your body looked while you were sitting, but your attention was saved by Taeyong’s cock. You took over, working him in your hands, and watching as he came to life. You leaned down to suck him, enjoying how he whimpered from the warmth of your mouth. You stopped momentarily to kiss his scar before you were back at it, drawing him closer and closer. Before he could spill, you let him go and climbed back onto the bed on all fours, your ass facing him. The position was easiest for you. You didn’t have to look at men when they fucked you, your fat moving rabidly, and your mind wondering how distracted they were by your body. You waited for him to come to you and thrust his cock into you from behind, but Taeyong didn’t. 

“I want you on top,” he said. “I want to see you.”

  You watched Taeyong lay on your bed, his body just below the painting. He was relaxing in a bunch of pillows, and he was smiling. If you went on top of him, his small frame seemed like it would disappear underneath you. The thought of your thick thighs rubbing against him made you queasy. Yet, there was something so sexy about him wanting you that carried you forward. It was an interesting situation. 

“Are you sure?” you asked.

Taeyong lifted his arms behind his head. “Ride me.”

  You gripped his thighs and climbed on top of him. You were hyper aware of your body touching his. You lifted your ass up and tried to situate yourself. As you did, Taeyong’s hands were all over you. He poked and prodded you, smoothing his fingers over your skin and exploring everything there was to see and not see. At first, you froze in place. You had never had anyone feel your body like that, like a painter painting a canvas. You could feel his brush strokes as you closed your eyes, his fingers moving over your nipples, and the way he touched you when he went between your legs. 

  Lowering yourself down onto his cock, you had to slowly let him in. Every inch was felt, moving inside of you so intensely that every time you moved back up just a little, you wanted to lurch forward in pleasure. Taeyong held your waist and kept his hands there as you rocked over him slowly. 

“I forgot how good this felt.” you said.

  You hadn’t ridden someone since university. It was the second time ever, and the first time with someone you could actually see yourself liking. You tried pushing the L-word thoughts out of your head. You and Taeyong were only having sex, not dating. 

“Faster.” Taeyong said, the words coming out of his mouth surprising him.

  You rode him faster, trying not to think too hard about the way your body bounced, or how it looked. He touched you as you fucked him, his hands getting increasingly more desperate. The way he looked up at you made you feel bold. You pressed down on his chest and started fucking yourself on his cock with a new pace, your body slamming down on him hard. The sounds of your bodies slapping together was loud, and at one point, you slowed down because you were scared you were hurting him.

“No,” he moaned. “Keep going.”

  You fucked him until you came, throwing your head back and riding the wave. Taeyong watched you with awe, even when you didn’t stop moving. You wanted him to come, wanted to finish him off the way he deserved.

“Give it to me,” you said, fucking him. “I want it, Taeyong. Come for me.”

  You pushed your breasts against his chest and kissed him. The moan that broke free from his lips was loud and whiny. You kissed his neck and kept taking his cock until he came, his body stiffening before relaxing. You let him stay inside of you long after he had come, his fingertips drawing love hearts on your skin.

“I was thinking,” Taeyong said. “Tomorrow we should get that drink.”

[sleepyjuniper]

Ghost Stories - A Bugsnax Short Story

Hey guys, so this is a little thing I was suddenly inspired to write after watching Vinny's playthrough of Bugsnax, which I whipped up and left in the comment section of the campfire cutscene video. I figured people would come across it there, but I'm not so sure now, so I'm posting it here for anyone who cares. (It's not going anywhere else because I'm so embarrassed by my extreme inexplicable obsession with these characters that I can't bear anyone I know to read it fhdhdhsjsj) either way, it's just a fun first person practice piece that takes place in the canon game where everyone is telling scary stories around the campfire! It's under the cut, because I ain't a barbarian. I hope you enjoy!

There's funny moments in life sometimes, where you notice things that would normally go unnoticed unless paid close attention to. This was one of those moments. As I sit gathered around the campfire with these other grumpuses I hardly know nor do I particularly care about, the soft flicker of the campfire warming only my face and a bit of my limbs but doing nothing for my cold back, I simply stare into the licking flames and get lost in a trance. I notice how the dry logs glow and curl into themselves where the fire touches them. I sit mesmerized by the bright colors, while around me the grumpuses chat about the island and swap conspiracies. Gramble's nervous voice is mostly lost to me as he lays claims that something lurks beyond the woods at night. 

Triffany's story about disappearing ancient grump bodies helps to drag my attention back to the current moment, and as she talks, I look around the rest of the quiet village. I almost thought I heard something walking around behind me, but when I looked, there was nothing. 

I turn back to the campfire, and just then, a cold breeze picks up, and the fire dies out. The demeanor changes drastically, instantly, as everyone seems to get a bit more nervous in the dark. Filbo tells me to get some more firewood, and as I'm shuffling away from the campfire, I definitely hear something walking around. I turn on my heels to look for the source of the noise, but again see nothing. Before I go to the mill, I quietly tip toe around the houses and look in every crevice, but there's no grumpus, bugsnax, or alleged monster to be found. I find the wood and return to the campfire so everyone can continue chatting. 

As everyone starts talking again, Beffica stands up and launches into a theory so wild and disturbing that it keeps me from drifting off again. Wambus is the first to contradict Beffica, saying grumpuses couldn't possibly cannibalize each other, and Filbo suddenly looks uncomfortable (or nervous, I'm not sure) and excuses himself. I watch him go, regretting that the most tolerable out of the colorful group of grumpuses is leaving, and force myself to endure and listen to the conversation. Yet another argument begins, and I can't help thinking that this is getting old. Beffica claims that not only is someone cannibalizing grumpuses, but that it's Floofty, and she saw them eat a grumpus with her own eyes. I share Gramble's anxiety for once, and then everyone stops talking at the sound of Filbo's far off scream. Everyone looks to me, and I think, what did I do to deserve this? 

Clearly no one else is getting up, so I reluctantly rise from my seat again, and head off cautiously towards the bathroom. 

I approach the outhouse, and there's a split second where I hear a noise and think oh it's just Filbo, and also ewwww, and also this is way above my paycheck. But then the noise gets louder and more guttural, and I don't think I've ever heard that noise come out of a grumpus before. Something about it is unnatural. Despite myself, I inch closer, feeling my fur begin to stand on end, feeling cold dread pooling in my stomach. Then Filbo's voice sounds behind me, and I swear I could've leapt three feet in the air from how much it startled me. 

"Oh, hey buddy!" He exclaims with a friendly wave, then looks somewhat abashed. "Uh, sorry, I uh, I got a little too spooked and I came here to calm down." 

I look from him to the outhouse, my fur once again standing on end, as I realize he was never in there in the first place. 

"Wh- who's in the bathroom?" I question him, and he looks confused. 

"Huh? I-I-I don't know what you're talking about, Buddy. Are.. you feeling okay? You look like you've seen a ghost!" He concludes with a chuckle, and I get the sense it's because my own nervous state is making him nervous, and he's trying to lighten the mood with jokes. I don't respond, so he clears his throat and speaks more decisively. "Well uh, let's keep it together and get back to the fire!" 

I start to follow him, feeling distraught, but then I stop and decide to hang back for a minute. I turn around, walk back to the outhouse, and after a brief moment of collecting myself, I open the door, prepared to clear my conscious about the weird sounds I'd heard. 

But when I do, there's nothing there. 

I look all around, but I don't see anything out of the usual. I finally lean forward and look into the ominous hole, but it's too dark to see into its depths. And I feel pretty stupid after I do. I'm literally looking for clues inside a toilet. Frustrated, I leave the door open so nobody mistakes it for being occupied, and find my way back to the group. 

After that ordeal, I simply don't have it in me to tolerate Wiggle's singing monologue, and it's all that I can manage to stay quiet and not explode while this ridiculous grumpus with a pineapple for hair sings about a supposed 'Queen of Bugsnax', while everyone miraculously listens in complete silence. 

Just as she's finishing, there's a loud crash that has everyone jumping to their feet and staring in the direction of the noise. All except Wiggle, who STARTS SINGING AGAIN for some GRUMPING REASON. Everyone is too occupied to even notice. 

After there's no further noise, everyone turns back to look at each other and figure out what to do next. I'm itching to figure out what the grump is going on, so I listen carefully as they debate. Filbo takes the lead, assuring everyone not to worry and that we'll check it out. 

"If something goes wrong, sacrifice Filbo first." Is what Beffica says before we set off towards the mill, and also what I ignore. 

I take the lead, and we make our way through the fog, to the millhouse, which now has a huge and jagged hole in the side, like a spuddy rammed straight through it, leaving it in splinters. 

We step inside, and then venture up the stairs, and I stop short at the sight of a random green grumpus standing in the room. Filbo continues towards them. 

"Chandlo?!" I hear him exclaim in disbelief, and I realize oh, this is just another one of Filbo's 'friends'. 

So that explains some of it.. I think as I notice the extremely muscled nature of this grumpus, and recall the state of the millhouse's doors. Kind of barbaric to just barrel through it, though. 

Apparently this grumpus is another of the pre-Lizbert-dissappearing villagers, and he introduces himself to me before him and Filbo continue talking. Apparently his name is Chandlo, and I gather that this is where he used to stay before Lizbert vanished. He's only come back to grab something he left in the house. Plus he mentions someone named Shelda? Then he reveals he's taking the stuff he came back for to someone named Snorpy. 

My mind starts trying to piece together information about these new grumpuses he's named from the way he talks about them, while Filbo tries to convince him to come say hi to everyone else.

Chandlo rejects the invitation, saying if he does, they'll want him to stay, and promptly leaves with a cheerful "Catch ya later, bros!"

"But I- but I DO want you to stay!" Filbo yells after Chandlo, but the mysterious grumpus is already gone. "Oh, darn it!" He mumbles dejectedly, before turning back to me. "Oh well, let's get back and tell the others." 

Back at the campfire, everyone is waiting for us. "Don't worry folks, I'm fine!" Filbo announces with a light-hearted chuckle. This is met with silence, until Filbo says "Oh, and the noise was just Chandlo." Everyone responds with a sigh of relief, and begins chattering again.

"But wait," Gramble says, "what if Chandlo WAS the Queen of Bugsnax?" Aaaaand there they go again. I slump into my seat again with an exhale, letting the chatter continue on while I rest my chin on one paw and zone out. As they talk however, I remember the whole bathroom encounter, and realize something.. doesn't quite add up. The noises hadn't been Filbo, but they couldn't have been from ANY grumpus. And on top of that, I hadn't heard anyone leave the bathroom afterwards. Whatever it was had simply.. vanished. 

Unnerved, I try not to think about it, and for the first time, I'm comforted to simply be surrounded by these other grumpuses and just listen to them go on and on about their silly feuds and wild conspiracies. 

Either way, there's definitely more to this island than meets the eye. And I'm going to get to the bottom of it.