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todayimgonnaplay · 3 months

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Today I'm Gonna Play: Mafia II (Original version)

Almost a decade ago I had a period where I was addicted to Grand Theft Auto's formula for some reason. I played IV but didn't have the proper specs to play V, so I looked for similar games. The Mafia series came up and 2 was the latest at the time, so I got it. It definitely fit the bill although at some point I ended up rage quitting early on. This time I've decided to revisit and finish it.

Because this series gets compared to GTA a lot, I had the impression that this would be GTA-levels of open world. In a way, it is. You can drive around, buy clothes, eat at places etc. But the game is divided into chapters because it places story first. There's not much to explore in the city as it is to just get from one place to another. It's not really a bad thing, as other games have done something similar such as No More Heroes (Although I think that game implemented it in a strange way and wouldn't be worse off if it removed the open world). I wouldn't say that the world is boring either for the most part, the first half of the game really sets a nice ambience despite being set in the 40s during World War II. Driving in the freezing cold with the radio on made me feel a type of nostalgia for a time I never lived in. I love it when games do that. The second half shows a revitilization of the States post-war, with the country going through advancements and a time of peace, which is pretty great too.

The gameplay has a bit of variety going on, unlike GTA's usual methods of ''go to location > shoot people > go to location". Although this is present here, there are a number of stealth segments that condemn violence, mundane tasks that regular people would realistically do, and escorts (which is also present in GTA). It's nice to see this kind of formula be done in a different way. Do I prefer it over GTA? I can't say. Maybe with the right budget and polish this could be more interesting. I don't consume a lot of gangster or mafia media, nor do I know too much about their culture and history, so I don't have any suggestions or improvements, other than wondering if there is a game or series that really tries to be accurate and takes upon the opinions of people that actually live the lifestyle, like the Yakuza series for example.

The story is alright. It's a bit more serious and cast is somewhat interesting, mostly the protagonist Vito and his friend Joe. They really remind me of Niko and Roman from GTA IV. War veterans that end up in the US and are helped by someone close who's a bit of a goof, except Joe is way more likely to stand up for himself and make a good living. It even follows the structure of starting from the bottom and climbing the ladder to the top, which I think is the standard formula for this type of story. If I recall correctly, Scarface and The Godfather also have a similar structure.

As for cons, the controls feel quite clunky in the two most important aspects of the core gameplay: Shooting, and driving. Shooting is a lot better if you use keyboard and mouse, but it's not great on controller. I prefer to play most games on controller these days for better sitting posture and playing too close to the screen. But driving is quite bad in both modes. It seems like open-world games have a hard time figuring out the handling part of driving a vehicle. It's like I'm slipping on soap every time I turn. It doesn't help that I end up accidentally bumping into a car which puts me on a chase if the police is nearby. Other culprits that had this issue were games like Watch_Dogs and Cyberpunk. GTA on the other hand is a hit or miss but has managed to grapple with it fairly with IV and V. Games should really prioritize handling if driving is a major aspect of transportation, otherwise it's a huge frustration.

Additionally, sprinting is a nightmare. Not due to poor controls but rather the camera itself which shakes a lot when you run. I'm not sure if this mechanic has been playtested much but even as someone that doesn't really get motion sickness (I can play the Mirror's Edge games without the reticle) but this made me feel woozy every time I used it. There's no way to turn it off, and unfortunately nobody has made a mod of it either. So my only choices was to just look at the minimap or away from the screen to get to where I want to go.

Another frustrating aspect is that the game has no autosave or even manual save. Rather, it has sparse checkpoint saves that are at least guaranteed to occur after a finished chapter. This is frustrating if I have other commitments I need to get to in real life but cannot drop the game, but luckily I've strategized my time well, plus the game's chapters are typically short too. But I still don't like the idea of not having frequent saves, or at least checkpoint saves.

Some of the dialogue is also a bit iffy, although this is wholly subjective. A number of what's depicted and said towards minorities would not be tolerated today. There are a few instances where a game may use hateful language to depict a historical time, such as Red Dead Redemption 2, and this may be the case here too since it's set in an older time period. But I think it was done a bit excessively, as it gave me the impression that the game really liked to make use of slurs a lot, especially towards one ethnic group due to their presence in the story. RDR 2 on the other hand, did use slurs too but it was done sparingly, and also had a number of characters highly discourage hateful behaviour just to be safe. As much as telling an authentic story is important, video games are more interactive as a medium and can therefore be more influential (especially with how people can be online), so it is something to be a little careful of. I also noticed that the collectibles, which involved nude magazine pictures were more for satisfying typically masculine desires. But regardless, I understand that this game was made in a different time, and it's interesting to see fictional media do different takes on social issues which may conflict with my values from time to time. The developers also seem to acknowledge this as a warning message is apparently displayed in the Definitive Edition.

Overall, this game is nice to go through for those interested in gangs in fiction, or want a shorter and more story focused version of GTA. The frustrating gameplay make me hesitant to try any other entry of the series, but maybe I might change my mind in the future.

youtube

#mafia #mafia 2 #2K games #2K czech #game review #game reviews #game analysis #Youtube

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peachiikawa · 4 years

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Hello!!! It’s gamer anon again! I was wondering if I request basically the same thing as last time just switched lolol so what would happen if Dabi, Shinso, and Bakugou were gamers, and their s/o got jealous?? Thanks so much for all your hard work!! I really hope I’m not bothering you lolol

omg no!!! youre literally not a bother request anything u want 🥺

Bakugo Katsuki

when he plays a game he gets really into it

he can literally be heard down the hall of the dorms yelling “die” into his headset

you hate it when he gets like this when youre trying to hang out with him

you two had decided to hang out together but katsuki seems to have forgotten the together aspect of it

“katsuki hang out with me”

you threw yourself on his back while aggressively pushed the buttons on his controller

“get the fuck off me y/n cant you see im in an intense game”

he then pushed you off and you fell to the ground

“fine katsuki if youre going to be like that then im going to go find midoriya. he’ll hang out with me”

you dusted yourself off and turned to leave his room

but before you could leave he grabbed your wrist and pulled you into his lap with his head on top of yours

“if youre gonna get jealous of a game you should have just said so”

he continued playing but at least he wasnt ignoring you now

i mean its kind of hard to ignore your s/o when theyre sitting in your lap

Shinso Hitoshi

oh i see this man as a big gamer

gives me big gamer vibes

and you knew that going into a relationship with him meant being in a relationship with his games

usually he was really good about making time for you and his games

but lately hes been playing even around you

something about an event going on in the game?

but its been making you feel a bit neglected

“shinso are you sure you cant just spare five minutes? maybe just a short walk?”

he just grunted back at you

desperate times call for desperate measures

“shinso im going to count to three. if you dont get off your xbox in those three seconds im unplugging it”

“what? y/n why would yo-”

“One.”

“on GOD y/n i swear if you unplug-”

“Two.”

now he was getting frantic

“please y/n stop”

“Three!”

you went to grab the plug but then you froze

shinso then went up behind you and hugged you

“y/n please i know ive been ignoring you lately but ill make up for it. i promise.”

you turned around in his arms to face him

“fine. im still mad though”

he laughed at you

“you know, youre really cute when you get jealous”

you rolled your eyes

“i am NOT jealous”

Dabi

tbh i dont see him as a big gamer guy

takes a good ass game for him to get really into it

so when he discovered animal crossing it was game over

“i have to pay off my mortgage”

he was completely addicted

he got his league stuff done faster than usual just so he would be able to get back to the game faster

and that started to hurt you

seemed like you were just a second thought now a days

“dabi can i play too?”

maybe if you could play as well it wouldnt be so bad

“no this is a one player game”

you sat next to him on the couch and put you head on his shoulder

maybe thatll get his attention

“y/n your head is kind of heavy its messing up my game”

you frowned at him

“dabi please do something with me i feel like you care more about that game than me”

he stopped pushing buttons at your words and looked up at you

“doll, you bring so much joy into my life and i honestly dont know what id do without you in it. ill probably be over this game in a week but you? ill never be over you”

you looked at him with a scrunched nose and pretended to throw up

“that was so disgustingly cheesy dabi”

“shut up i was trying to be nice. at least im not jealous over a game”

#bakugou x reader #dabi x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader #bnha imagines #bnha #bakugou katsuki x reader #shinso x reader #shinsou x reader #shinso hitoshi x reader #bakugo x reader

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ronnytherandom · 3 years

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I forgot to watch content all week so i wrote about games ive been playing

9/2/2021: The Truman Show

You should fear your fears but embrace them and use them to guide you into the unknown, to explore and experience what life has to offer. Fear stands between you and the fullest experience of life so you must pass through it to better yourself. Heed not the walls built about you and the chains made to hold you. Though the architects insist it will preserve your life, containment is anathema to life. Do not take in faith the benevolence of powers that be; instead trust those who would support and liberate you, guide you through fear and into life.

As best I can lay it out, I think this is the philosophy of the Truman show but there is so much more to read into it also. There is critique of systems of commodification and celebrity (i.e. capitalism) reducing human beings to a consumable good as well as encouragement to find and pursue your goals despite adversity and even sensibility which is also tied to the illusion of economic responsibility. You can’t put a camera inside a human head, you can never “know” them without being an active and intrinsic part of their life, but also there is need for reciprocation. If one half exists with ulterior motive then the entire relationship is rotten; sincere humanity is what creates real connections. Without such your world is fake. A world built around one person is a world where no one can truly live. All these actors have given up basically their entire lives for the sake of watching Truman have his life built around him by outside forces, have allowed themselves to be commodified and dehumanised for the good of one man, Christoph. The man at the top has delusions of grandeur and thinks only of his own bottom line, he cares not for his subjects but simply wants them to do as he tells them because it benefits him to commodify their lives and interactions. Even then he cannot stand to lose control and in seeking to demonstrate Truman’s “realness” he structures his life so thoroughly that eventually there’s no reality left, only a script and adverts. But the people watching still empathise with Truman because everyone in the working class understands what it is to be trapped because real life is our own Truman show and one day we must all pass through fear, step out of the dome and create a real life for ourselves outside of the system of commodification which consumes everyone’s life and removes all realness and sincerity and emotional catharsis from it.

I unreservedly love this film.

14/2/2021: Assorted Game Reviews

Horizon Zero Dawn (Unfinished due to technical issues, 45 hours inc. parts of Frozen Wilds): This game is really cool and really fun. I think it is defined by its incredible setting which somehow creates a fresh feeling post-apocalyptic environment. Said environment creates intriguing alt-future lore and some very interesting environments to explore. I love the machine designs (especially tallnecks!) and was very sad to hear one of their contributing artists passed away recently but I’m glad their work lives on in this visually stunning game. I’m a sucker for Ubisoft-style open world games simply because it tickles a certain kind of itch and somehow this non-Ubisoft game has outdone Ubisoft on their own formula, which is hilarious, but also good for me as running around this world exploring and clearing map markers is engaging fun. Not least because of the combat. I have a minor criticism here that the combat feels slightly awkward on mouse and keyboard, the arrows never seem to go where I’m aiming, but aside from that the experience of fighting is a grand one. Enemies never lose their threat and I love the weak spot system the game employs which makes every tool useful in niche circumstance and rewards curiosity. It specifically manages this in a way that I feel the Witcher series could learn from if it ever returns; by making head on assault less viable and encouraging tactical hunting. I do feel this system makes hunting robots so fun that by contrast hunting humans becomes a chore however, though I noted this improves in the dlc with the addition of humans with elemental weaknesses limited in number as they are. I cannot speak for the story in entirety but what I encountered was pretty good, though I feel as if it was only just really getting going at the point where I could not continue. I find Aloy to be a compelling and well portrayed protagonist and though I can guess about her origin and the ultimate end of the alt-future apocalypse I still want to see how it plays out on screen, so will return to this as soon as I’ve fixed it.

Rimworld (122 hours. Familiar with but do not own Royalty Expansion):

Rimworld is one of those super special games that I don’t think I have a single problem with. Fair warning it can be brutal and is heavily dependent on RNG but this allows it to create truly unique and interesting scenarios on a constant basis. In the wider perspective it could be described as formulaic, with regular cycles of managing the settlement between raids and random events, but the devils in the details. Colonist traits, health and skills dictate how you play and sometimes you’ll be forced to adapt as some colonists simply refuse to perform some tasks. The depth of health particularly amuses me, in that each little part of someone’s body is modelled in a way. If you’re in a firefight you may take a single bullet which grazes your finger and you’re fine. Alternately it could pierce your human leather cowboy hat, your skull and kill you instantly and the game will tell you exactly what happened. The risk/reward element is addictive enough, and that’s without accounting for just how cool it is to see your colony slowly expand. Establishing more and more options for crafting is fun and shows off the full range of different items in the game which is fucking extensive. Between clothing, weapons, armour, sculpture and drugs to name only a few you have the opportunity to create many varied production lines either for your colonists or to trade for money and there is a lot of fun to be had here as well as it is quite satisfying to see psychoid you have grown personally become the cocaine your colonists snort to help them stay awake on limited sleep. From an archaeologist’s perspective it is especially cool to look back over your base and see the hints of how and why structures were built and remember the history of your limitations and development through structure. I think the lore of the universe is really cool too, a very 40k-esque kind of place except with far less order, somehow. But the universe does an excellent job of feeling alive and moving constantly on both a planetary and interstellar level. You can fully believe that while you build wooden shacks to shield yourself from terrifyingly low temperatures there are simultaneously rich pieces of shit living it up on the glitterworld that’s one system over. The music does an excellent job of creating the wild west frontier atmosphere the game cultivates to great effect. Ultimately, for just being a grid with a series of different numbers attached, this game does a fantastic job of creating a compelling, brutal and very real colony management experience. I dont think I can properly put into words the grandness and scope of this one. I didnt even mention the modding scene, which is expansive and tailors to basically any need you could have. The Rim is a terrifying place but theres so much fun to be had.

Factorio (86 hours, mostly 1.1): Having completed a game of Factorio I can tell you reliably that this is one of the best games ever made, thoroughly addictive and fun. If you like numbers, logistics, TRAINS, its gonna be your thing. Not to mention its probably the only documented case of a game with no bugs (so far as official forums are concerned). Strictly speaking this games combat is not the most engrossing thing but good lord do you feel it when you acquire a flamethrower. The way each aspect of the game (production, research, logistics, combat, upgrades for everything therein) feeds into the next is a really well constructed balancing act such that you must experience the full game in order to complete it and I always appreciate this kind of design. I think its one of the best tenets of factory game design especially as its something present in Satisfactory too. Beyond all of this generalised good the game is also excellent in its intricacies, the architecture necessary to build a maximum efficiency base, the level of planning and organisation that can be employed is mind-blowing. Not to mention the mod community, factorion is already an extensive experience and some mad bastards have seen fit to complicate it further, hats off to them. This really is a great moment in gaming.

Destiny 2 (198 hours, all expansions, played some post Forsaken release, mostly Season of Arrivals onwards, spent roughly £20 on microtransactions):

This is a very interesting and enjoyable experience, but I must say it can be a bit controversial at times. What its does particularly well is moment to moment gameplay and design in all aspects. The game is stunning; between environments, cosmetics, shaders ships and ghosts there’s a vast range of incredible things to see, all rooted in the “pseudo-magi-science” aesthetic it’s got going on. The class design is excellent and you really do feel like you embody this rampaging madman / agile gunman / space wizard archetype, whichever you choose to play. The abilities, especially supers, are very satisfying. Everything has heft and power behind it which can be felt in all aspects of design; sound and animation is top notch. Movement is cool, you can feel how fast you move both on foot and in vehicles and the navigation has a little fun subtlety depending on your class jump, even if you can bounce unpredictably occasionally. But for the love of god why is the wall kick in there? It has only ever served to push me from a ledge into a bottomless pit. You're looking to remove antiquated content? Start there. Some guns are not so good to shoot but there’s such a great range of guns that are fun its like complaining about one drop in an ocean; and enemies are fun to shoot at, each faction distinct in meaningful ways and presenting an effective challenge. Speaking of oceans, that’s one way to describe the lore. I haven’t dived too deep but it keeps going down forever and everything I’ve read is intriguing. As a former Elder Scrolls lore nut this is something I could definitely sink my teeth into, though its much more of a pulpy sci-fi vibe than a pure nonsense vibe. I do think the game has a bit of a loot problem, primarily in regards to the conflict between high stats and looking good. This should never be a conflict, and yes you can apply ornaments to any purple gear but that’s not enough when I spend the entire time grinding power levels and thus must change armour and weapons on a constant basis to progress. This game needs a true transmog system and if not that, rethink how gear power level works. Perhaps rather than earning new instances of gear you always possess a version of it and the loot you acquire in missions just upgrades your instance to your current overall power level? This would serve to do away with the current upgrade system which I think is a needless additional grind. Perhaps it could be retained in using enhancement cores to empower gear as present but necessitating a whole upgrade module to keep your favourite weapon on hand is kind of painful honestly. There is also at present the issue of sunsetting gear, mildly controversial to say the least. If it’s necessary to streamline the game and make it function moving forward so be it but surely loot pools should be adjusted so you can actually get useful loot from older locations? And why sunset personal instances of gear which can be acquired at the regular power level anyway? I had to throw away my favourite bow and hunt down a new version of the exact same weapon for… what reason? I do think destination navigation leaves a little to be desired also. I get that having a physical hub world is meaningful but Destiny does not have a very extroverted community; I can count the times someone noticed me in the tower on one hand. And its not even like there’s fun activities to be found in the same sense as say Deep Rock Galactic, which really does take advantage of its hub. Perhaps for players who simply want to go about their business all of the vendors could be set into a menu system where just clicking an icon takes you to their menu from anywhere in the system rather than, per se, having to go through an entire loading screen (Which takes you to orbit and back) to reach a location which serves simply as the front for four menus. These are established player problems. As a dedicated PvE player I can say that this game is immensely fun in combat and growing in power does feel really good. It’s something I recommend getting into, there’s just some very large creases that need ironing which the Bungie should really take the time to address rather than pushing out new in game content every three months.

#the truman show #horizon zero dawn #rimworld #factorio #destiny 2 #d2 #film #movies #video games #i dont know what im doing #hzd #opinion

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zerochanges · 3 years

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2020 Favorite Video Games

I don’t know if I am an outlier or if this is the same for everyone else but I really did not play a lot of games this year. 2020 was a very harsh year for all of us, especially for me for some personal reasons. So to get to the chase, I am just gonna say it left me not doing much in what little free time I did have, and I didn’t play much either. Usually I try to keep my lists for ‘favorite of the year’ to only titles released that year but since I played so little this year, screw it. I am gonna include any game I played this year regardless of release date.

Collection of SaGa

By far a flawed rerelease. It’s bare bones: there are no advance features you would usually expect out of these kinds of emulated rereleases like save states, fast forward, or rewind, and there was no real effort made to touch up almost 30 year old localizations that had to meet Nintendo of America’s then harsh standards. This really is just 3 roms slapped into a nice looking interface with an option to increase the game speed (which by the way you better use, the characters walk very slow in these old games).

I am bit harsh here, but only because I thought the Romancing SaGa remasters and the upcoming SaGa Frontier remaster all looked like they got a great budget and a lot of love while this is just another Collection of Mana situation (moreso specifically talking about Seiken Densetsu 1/Final Fantasy Adventure/Adventures of Mana part of that collection). I would have loved to see Square Enix do a bit more for these older games. Or at least include the remakes. Seiken Densetsu 1 had two great remakes, both unused in Collection of Mana, and all three of these original SaGa titles have remakes that have never seen the light of day outside of Japan. How great would it have been to get the Wonderswan remake of SaGa 1, as well as the Nintendo DS remakes of Saga 2 and SaGa 3?

But my gripes aside, these games are still fun as they ever were. Replaying SaGa 1 specifically during the holiday season really helped calm me down and made me feel at ease. It’s easy to forget but even in their Gameboy roots there are a lot of funky and weird experimental choices being made in these games. They aren’t your run-of-the-mil dragon quest (or considering the gameboy, maybe pokemon would be more apt) clones.

Raging Loop

Perhaps my favorite game of the year, Raging Loop is one of the best visual novels I have ever played hands down. The level of creativity and splitting story paths that went into it is simply mind blowing. The basic premise is both a wonderful throwback to the old days of Chunsoft sound novels while still modern and somewhat reminiscent of both Higurashi and Danganronpa. Essentially you play as Haruaki, a poor slub that got lost in the mountains with no clue where to go until you stumble upon an old rural village with a strange history and even stranger superstitions. Before you know it there has been a murder and the Feast is now afoot.

The less said about Raging Loop the better, although I do want to say a lot about it one day if I ever can write a proper review of it. This is a gripping game that will take hold of you once you get into it though and never let go. I actually 100%-ed this and I very rarely do that. I got every ending, every bonus hidden ending, played the entire game twice to hear all the hidden details it purposely hides on your first play through, played all the bonus epilogue chapters, unlocked all the hidden voice actor interviews, collected all the art work, etc, etc. I was just obsessed with this game, it’s that damn good! And the main character is maybe the best troll in all of video games, god bless Haruaki.

Root Double

From Takumi Nakazawa, long time contributor to Kotaro Uchikoshi’s work comes a game any fan of Zero Escape or Uchikoshi in general will probably enjoy. Root Double, like its name suggests is a visual novel with two different routes, hence Root Double. The first route stars Watase Kasasagi, the leader of an elite rescue team in the midst of their greatest crisis yet that could lead to nuclear devastation as they try to evacuate a nuclear research facility that has gone awry.

The other route stars Natsuhiko Tenkawa, an everyday high schooler whose peaceful life is thrown into turmoil when he stumbles upon a terrorist plot to destroy the nuclear facility in the city and his attempts to stop them. Together the two separate plots weave into one and creates a really crazy ride. Part Chernobyl, part science fiction, any fan of the genre will easily enjoy it. And hey it’s kind of relevant to include on this list too since it just got a Switch port this year (I played it on steam though).

Snack World

I was shocked upon starting Snack World as it is instantly incredibly charming, witty, and downright hilarious at times yet I heard almost zero people talk about it. EVER. This game is Dragon Quest levels of quirky though, and the localization is incredible. The game has such an oddball sense of humor that works really well with its presentation right down to the anime opening video that sings about the most bizarre things. Instead of the usual pump up song about the cool adventure ahead we get stuff like wanting to go out to a restaurant and eat pork chops.

The self aware/fourth wall breaking humor is just enough to be really funny, but doesn't overstay its welcome and always makes it work right in the context of the dialogue. And finally, just everything; with the menus, the name of side quests and missions, and the character dialogue -- are all just so witty and full of quirky humor. This is one hell of a charming and funny game and addictive to boot.

Trials of Mana

Trials of Mana has gone from one of those legendary unlocalized games, to one of the first major breakthroughs in fan translation, to finally getting an official English release complete with a fully 3D remake. In a lot of ways from a western perspective this game has had an incredible journey. As for this remake itself, I really found myself having tons of fun with it. I loved the graphics, and the voice acting while a bit on the cheaper side almost kind of adds to the charm since both the graphics and acting really give it an old PS2 vibe. I know that is probably just more me being weird but yeah, I had to say it.

I really hope Square Enix sticks to this style of remake more often, instead of just doing Final Fantasy VII Remakes that break the bank and involve extensive tweaking to both plot and game play. I’ll take smaller budget projects that play more like the original game any day personally. I wouldn’t mind if they also deliver a brand new Mana game all together in this engine either.

Utawarerumono Trilogy

This year saw the release of the first entry in the series, Utawarerumono: Prelude to the Fallen--and thus finally after three years since the sequels Utawarerumono: Mask of Deception and Utawarerumono: Mask of Truth came out in 2017 the trilogy is now complete in English. I ended up binging through Prelude to the Fallen very fast shortly after it came out and immediately jumped on to the sequels. Perhaps the best part of 2020 was that I finally played all three of these fantastic games, and did so back-to-back-to-back. Playing the first Utawarerumono was an experience I will never forget, it was like visiting old friends again that I haven’t seen in ages, by and large thanks to the fact that I saw the anime adaption of the game when I was much younger, nearly a decade ago. Back then I would have never of dreamed that I would get to play the actual game and get the real experience.

And it only got better from here, as all three games are such wonderful experiences from start to finish. The stories are all so deep, and by the time you get to the third entry, Mask of Truth, it’s crazy to see how they all connected over so many years and weaved together into a plot much bigger than they ever were. What carries it beyond all that though has to be the fun and addicting strategy role playing game aspect, which while a bit on the easy side, is still so much fun and helps make the game feel better paced since you get to play the conquests your characters go on and not just read about all the battles they fight. Beyond that the games are packed full of awesome characters, and I know I’ll never forget the amazing leads in all of them. Hakuowlo, Haku, and Oshtor will all go down as some of the greats to me.

Ys: Memories of Celceta

Ys: Memories of Celceta is a full 3D remake of Ys IV, a rather infamous game in Falcom’s Ys series. Not to get bogged down too much into the history of Falcom but by this point they were facing a lot of hardship and had to outsource this entry to other developers, and thus passed it on to two particular developers they had a business relationship with, creating two unique versions of Ys IV. Tonkin House who had worked on Super Famicom port of Ys III with Falcom ended up creating their own YS IV entry, Mask of the Sun for the very same system, where Hudson soft who had produced the much beloved Ys Books I & II remakes for the Turbografix (PC Engine) CD add-on created their own Ys IV entry Dawn of Ys for that console. Both games followed guidelines and ideas outlined from Falcom themselves but both radically diverged from each other and turned into completely different games.

Falcom finally putting an end to this debate on which version of Ys IV you should play have gone and created their own definitive Ys IV in 2012 for the Playstation Vita. I played the 2020 remastered version of this remake on my PS4. I even bought this on the Vita when it first came out but I am horrible and only horde games, never play them. So it was a lot of fun to finally play this.

Memories of Celceta is probably one of the best starting points for anyone looking to get into Ys, especially if you only want to stay with the 3D titles as out of all the 3D entries this explains the most about the world and series protagonist Adol Christian. Beyond that it’s just another fantastic entry in a wonderful series that has a few good twists hidden behind it, especially for long time fans of the series.

Random Video Game Console Stuff

Xbox Has Blue Dragon: I actually got an Xbox One this year for free from my brother. Because of that I started to play Blue Dragon again and there’s a lot I would love to say about this game. I don’t know if I am fully committed to replaying it all the way through however but I find myself putting in a couple hours every few days and enjoying myself again. Does anyone else remember Blue Dragon? I feel like it really missed its audience and had it come out nowadays and probably for the Switch it would have really resonated with the Dragon Quest fandom a lot more instead of being thrown out to die on Xbox and constantly compared to Final Fantasy VII and the like which it had nothing at all similar with.

The Turbografx 16 Mini: This was probably one of the best mini consoles that have come out and I feel like thanks to the whole 2020 pandemic thing it was largely forgotten about. That’s a shame, it has a wonderful variety of great games, especially if you count the Japanese ones (god I wish I could play the Japanese version of Snatcher included), and a wonderful interface with fantastic music. One of these days I would really like to be able to play around with the console more seriously than I have already.

Fire Emblem Shadow Dragon Never Existed: So Nintendo localized the first ever Fire Emblem game on Nintendo Switch which is awesome to see them touching Famicom games again--I haven’t seen Nintendo of America rerelease old Famicom titles since Mysterious Murasame Castle on the 3DS, but their trailer hilariously made it seem like this is the first time ever they released Fire Emblem when in fact they had already localized the remake Shadow Dragon on the Nintendo DS nearly 10 or 11 years ago. I and many other fans I talked to all found this really hilarious, probably solely because of how much they kept repeating the fact that this is the first time you will ever be able to experience Marth’s story.

All that aside though I have to say the collector edition for this newly localized Famicom game is probably the most gorgeous retro reproduction I have seen in a long time, and I really spent many many hours just staring at the all clear glass mock cartridge. I have found myself really obsessing over retro reproductions during 2020, and obtained quite a few this year. I really hope this trend continues to go on in 2021 as recreating classic console packaging and cartridges is a lot of fun.

#video games #collection of saga final fantasy legend #SaGa #SaGa I #SaGa II #SaGa III #Raging Loop #Root Double #Snack World #Trials of Mana #Seiken Densetsu 3 #Utawarerumono #Ys #Ys IV #ys memories of celceta

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chikkou · 3 years

Note

someone probably asked this already but would u feel like writting on your thoughts on dingalings opinions/statements about buddy? i never got to around to play the lisa games after the first one but im getting the context both from the stuff uve written on it and my gf who played the game and she seems like the best character in the game imo

well im glad u asked.... (does a gay little walk over to the keyboard)

ok so as was mentioned by the last lisa anon i got, buddy is austins least favorite character. i cant recall if he ever specified why exactly in public, but i have seen an interview that he did shortly after the painful came out, so i think i have a LITTLE more context for his thought process (and please remember this is all conjecture, i literally dont know this man LMAO)

so first, for some background: buddy was adopted by brad when he found her abandoned as a baby, but her birth father is dr. yado, the man who created olathe (with buzzo!). she bears a notably striking resemblance to lisa, especially as she gets older - in fact, i think thats part of why brad chose to keep her. for reference, heres lisa, and heres buddy. obviously these are sprites and not indicative of their exact appearance, but this should make it pretty obvious what i mean. note that, even though brad knows how unsafe it is for buddy to “look like a girl,” he still keeps her hair long like lisas was. buzzo noted the similarity between them in the joyful as well. brad also treats her in a similar (but NOT the exact same) manner that marty did to lisa, but i will get into that in another ask i got LMAO

now, as to why austin doesnt like her. so, this may be reading into things a little too much, but i know for a fact that brad is austins favorite character, AND that austin based brads character and experiences on that of his own father, whom he had a sort of mixed relationship with by his own admission (and i believe his dad was also named “bradley” skjfsds). i dont know any details about this at all, but to my understanding, austins dad also wrestled with addiction, and had a bit of a “rough” personality like brad. austin mentioned in that interview dealing with resentment toward his father for a long time, but that he eventually realized that his father was doing the best that he could in spite of his own upbringing, and even though it didnt excuse the shitty stuff hed done, it made austin somewhat more understanding of the difficult position he was in. so, if brad is austins dad.... well, its not that far of a leap to speculate who buddy likely represents. and it colors a lot of the way he depicts her actions.

the painful, for all its amazing content, sort of dropped the ball on showing why buddy hated brad so much. the only things we know about buddy and brads relationship in that game come from the intro or directly from buddy, and since she never goes into detail (which is fair in-context since brad clearly knows the intricacies of their relationship LMAO), it makes it seem like the worst thing brad has done is forced buddy to stay inside and occasionally passed out from substance abuse. however, as we learn in the joyful, that is not true at all. brad insulted buddy (called her an idiot for asking about brads estranged son), forced her to kill at least two innocent men because, and i quote, “my daughter will not be weak,” and tried to isolate her from the only other people in her life (her uncles, rick, sticky, and cheeks) after they DARED to tell her a small tidbit about brads past. brad may not have been anywhere near as abusive as marty, but if i described all of these things together and asked a random person if they considered them abusive behaviors for a parent, i think id be likely to get an affirmative response.

now, this is not to say that austin doesnt make it a point to show brad mistreating buddy in the painful proper - in the marty scene, brad literally punts buddy across a room because she begs him not to kill him, and then when she throws herself between marty and brad to get him to stop, brad doesnt hesitate to beat the fuck out of her until she has to withdraw. remember too that buddy is not an adult, by any stretch of the imagination - austin confirmed on twitter that she is nowhere near 18. i personally put her age in the 10-12 range, but ive seen people go as high as 14 or 15. in either case, though, this is a fucking CHILD, and beating her like he did is no different than what marty used to do to both him and lisa.

even in spite of this stuff, though, fans are so much more willing to forgive brads behavior than buddys. there are a few reasons for this, but in a more meta-sense, theres a pretty clear reason why buddy is less sympathetic - because we spend WAY less time with her. in the painful, buddy is not on screen until maybe 5-10 hours into gameplay, and we dont even get any real time with her until the games second half. the joyful, in addition to that, is an EXTREMELY short game; the painful is about 20-30 hours, but the joyful runs about 5 hours max. it was a kickstarter stretch goal, and i honestly wish austin hadnt made it a stretch goal and had spent more time working on it, because while it does some really interesting stuff story-wise, it is severely lacking the run time to make buddys story as compelling as brads.

primarily, though, i believe its because brad gets freudian excuses that at least EXPLAIN his behavior and also show just how many demons he has been fighting. while buddy has just as good of a reason to be the way she is, we never really get to SEE this stuff point blank like we did with brad. we witness him being hurt and mistreated as a kid, and more still as an adult in flashbacks. we get almost nothing from buddy, even though it is obvious that she is suffering in a very unique way.

so, circling back to your question - why is buddy austins least favorite? i think, quite simply, he seems to identify with her character in the context of buddys relationship with brad, and that actually makes him like her LESS because he has the benefit of hindsight and experience-based wisdom to empathize much more with the brads character and experiences than buddys. so even though brad and buddy are the same in many ways, where he can see brads actions as understandable (if a bit extreme), he cant see buddys in quite the same way. it would be fine if he just felt that way privately, but unfortunately it leaks into the games themselves and leads to many fans not being able to see her perspective and empathize with her, either. and it really does suck bc buddy is definitely one of the most interesting video game protags ive ever seen LMAO

tl;dr austin probably dislikes buddy because brad is based on his own father, and the relationship between brad and buddy is very likely based on his own relationship with his father. there also wasnt enough time in buddys game for her to become more sympathetic, so if ur not really paying attention, it seems like shes just being a bratty teenager instead of, u know. a victim of abuse on a massive scale. so yeah

#long post #lisa the joyful #lisa the painful #anya's replies #amigarobot #i cant even apologize for this honestly im just having too much fun talking abt lisa LMAO #abuse #lisa

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bangtans-peaceful-piegon · 4 years

Text

My Cup of Tea: Prologue

My Cup Of Tea: Prologue | YoongixReader

Warnings for this Chapter: none, just a post-breakup suffering OC who is saved by a whole Min Yoongi

“Coffee is bitter, so people add a little bit of sugar or creamer until it suits their taste. However, once it’s added it can’t be separated. It’s also addictive, it’s your choice to keep it as your poison or to control how much you take. Some people need it, some people don’t...In that case, it really isn’t their cup of tea.”

A/N: im finally deciding to post this after who knows how long sajkdfhd,, tysm for beta reading this for me @jtrbluv !!! again u were a huge help because the tag game you tagged me in gave me the final push to actually post this fic thats been collecting dust in my drafts. ily boo !!! <3 it also took a while because i wanted to do more research for this fic. i dont think ive read about or drank so much tea in my life for the past few months. pls enjoy the prologue everyone!

Word Count: 1,600+

You sat in the worn out leather booth, eyes trained on the steaming mug in front of you.

What just happened?

Something that took five years to grow ended in mere seconds.

Five years of dedication.

Five years of convincing yourself it would work out, that it could be fixed.

Five years spent on a relationship that should’ve ended before it began.

You mindlessly took a sip of your coffee hissing as the hot brew burnt your tongue, mind drifting back to the argument that occurred hours ago...

“You’re never here!”

“Was I not enough for you?”

“Where’s the old Y/N that I knew and loved?”

You weren’t sure about what was said after that except for... “I’m seeing someone else.”

The bruising pain on your tongue began to throb and you couldn’t help the tears that formed.

You never liked coffee, but the café was your favorite place.

Perhaps it was the enticing aroma that attracted you every time you walked in, or maybe it was the cleverly thought out name that was in the form of childlike puns: Bearly Awake Brew.

Either way, you couldn’t despise coffee any more than you already did in this moment.

“Are you alright?”

You whipped your head up to see a man standing above you.

Through your bleary eyes you could make out a set of kind brown ones shielded by black frames which rested atop a boopable nose. On his head, a black mop of neatly trimmed hair along with soft cheeks paired with a soft jawline.

The man was dressed in a black turtle-neck and long-coat as if returning from a meeting discussing the newest stocks and bonds of business.

After a small, possibly noticeable, ogling of the stranger, you shook your head ‘no.’

He motioned to the seat across from you raising his brows inquisitively, “May I?”

This time you slowly nodded.

He seemed harmless enough, and even if he tried anything there was pepper spray in your purse.

You sniffled as he took a seat.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“No y-you wouldn’t understand.” He leaned forward onto his elbows—a determined furrow in his brow.

“Try me.”

Who was this guy? He didn’t come off as threatening but somewhat… familiar.

You couldn’t quite place his face or remember his name.

“Not yet, right now I just need a good cry,” you replied sinking further into your seat.

“Alright.” He said, shrugging and not saying much, or really, nothing.

He sat across from you— not making eye contact but quietly observing the café.

Several questions raised in your mind: Where did he come from? Why is he here of all places? Did someone send him with the intention to make you feel even more like a fool than you already did?

“Don’t you have anything better to do?” you asked when the silence became a little too long.

“No, not really...” he replied slowly. “Would you like me to leave?”

“No, I mean, it’s just-“ you hesitated, “You’re fine,”

“Ok then.”

Silence.

One look at him and it’d be hard to believe women find him approachable, but the man came up to you.

Much less, while you were on the verge of outright bawling in the middle of a café.

“What’s your name?” you asked, initiating conversation. You might as well since he was there.

“Yoongi. Yours?” You hesitated knowing it wasn’t fair to not give him your name.

“I’ll reassure you I’m not a stalker, at least not the bad kind.”

You let out an amused scoff, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

He chuckles and you couldn’t help but enjoy the sound.

Were you really that joy deprived?

“Ok then, I’m Min Yoongi, and I’m a stocker. As in I distribute and track merchandise in stores.” he reaches a hand out to shake and you can’t help but stare at it.

“Well go on I won’t bite,” you huffed a laugh, taking his hand and shaking it.

He smiles and you can’t help but return it.

Who is this guy?

“Why don’t we go for a walk?”

You contemplate his offer.

You had just met him but you hadn’t had casual conversation in a while… or hung out with friends for that matter. So maybe it’d be good for you after-

“Sure let’s go,” You replied immediately while standing up, maybe a little too quickly— your chair scratching the wooden floors and making a startling sound as you headed to the door.

He raised his brows in surprise at the sudden burst of energy before trailing behind you, ignoring the stares of café patrons.

“Hey wait up!”

This was another reason why you visited the quaint coffee shop often.

The park outside was always bustling with life and energy.

There was a little pond where ducks would glide across its surface diving from time to time, scavenging for the weeds at the bottom, maybe even getting sustenance from people who were ignorant of the ‘Do not feed the ducks’ sign.

It also had an open field where locals and families would enjoy the hot summer days by setting up little camps with blankets and food or even play small games of football or soccer.

While children played in the vast expanse of green, parents would sit back and converse with strangers forming new friendships. It was a place of change and growth and you loved it.

“So,” Yoongi continued as you both walked down the dirt path, “other than your name, and why you were crying in my café, is there anything about you I have yet to know?” Your cheeks flushed red as you shifted your sight to the ground.

“There’s nothing much really,” you replied with a shrug before backtracking his sentence, “Wait, your café?”

“Don’t change the subject. There’s got to be one thing about you… how about your favorite color?”

You purse your lips at the dodging of the question, albeit a basic one, but it was a start. “I guess Rainbow,”

He nodded with a hum, “Wise choice,”

You let out a huff of amusement, “Alright wise guy, what’s yours?”

He pondered for a moment before affirmatively replying, “Black,”

You hummed. “Kind of... dark, isn’t it?”

He turned around and shrugged, “I’d say the rainbow but you took it already,”

You scoffed, resuming your place beside him.

He continued asking basic questions to which you replied and vice versa.

You liked dogs, but him on the other hand didn’t have a favorite animal, at least until he adopted a poodle which made him keen on the creatures, more specifically one named Holly.

You were allergic to bees and he was allergic to cats.

You both enjoyed a variation of music from rap to classical piano music, but the question also led to a debate on what artist is the most superior to all.

Neither of you won, and concluded neither lost with valid points made during said argument.

It only felt like minutes had gone by but wasn’t until you looked at the time that you realized how late it was.

The crowd at the park had begun to thin out while shops surrounding the area were beginning to close for the day.

The once bright sunlight began to fade behind clouds as it began its descent to the horizon.

“I should probably be heading home,” you cut in politely before he could delve into the topic of what they would do in a post-apocalyptic world.

“Oh,” he replied, obviously disappointed.

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. “Well could I ask you one more thing?”

You nodded expecting it to be another ‘get to know you’ question or something along the lines of ‘if you had to would cut your arm or leg off?’ but it was something much more complicated.

“Can I get your number?”

You stiffened, unsure how to respond.

You weren’t sure if he was asking as a friend or a man with an ulterior motive.

Could you really do it?

Especially after you had just-

“I’m sorry that came out wrong,” He quickly mended, fumbling his words, realizing your distress.

“I think you’re really great, and I’d like us to continue talking. Just two people who enjoy each other’s company, you know?”

You looked up at him and saw he was offering to be friends that would be nothing more.

You couldn’t deny: you had fun.

For the first time in a long time.

Maybe it wasn’t a relationship you needed, but a friendship.

You smiled, “I’d like that,”

You reached into your pocket pulling out your phone, “Here.”

You both swapped devices, putting in the respective numbers. Once the contact was added, you returned each device to the rightful owner.

He grinned, holding up his phone, “How about a contact photo?”

You smiled, nodding as you stood beside him while he took a selfie of you side-by-side. Once the picture was taken he slid his phone into his pocket. “Thanks,” he glanced down at the phone, that darn smile growing on his face, “Y/N. I’ll talk to you soon?”

You nodded and finally split ways.

As you began the trek toward your apartment a dopey smile remained plastered on your face.

Maybe everything would be alright.

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banditthewriter · 4 years

Text

Shattered - Logan Delos

Prompt: Can I request for Logan Delos? Maybe after what happened with William his best friend doesn't leave his side even when he starts pushing her away because he sees himself as a fuck up and thinks he doesn't deserve her but when he finally sees her going toe to toe with his dad over him he realizes he's in love with her and starts to see that she's in love with him and isn't giving up on him (sorry this is so long) Prompter: Anonymous

Here you go anon. Thanks for the request.

Warning: Substance abuse, overdosing, addiction, angst. Be kind to yourselves dears.

Tags are at the bottom. Let me know if you would like to be added to one of my tag lists!

*gif not mine*

Enjoy!

*****

Unlike every other time you came to Logan’s place, the lights were off. Normally that would have meant that Logan wasn’t home, but his car was parked in the driveway. And the Find Your Friends app said that his phone was there.

It wouldn’t be the first time that Logan had disappeared, but he always told you first. He always told you before he disappeared because he knew you’d worry about him. That was how your friendship worked.

You used the key that he had given you a few years ago to let yourself in.

The place was a mess. Your first thought was that someone had ransacked the place, but the further inside you went, the more you saw that it was just messy. Beer bottles were everywhere, empty bottles of liquor and wine piled high. Not to mention the packs of cigarettes that were littered over the coffee table.

Logan had quit smoking years ago. Apparently he had fallen back into it.

Quietly you made your way through the house to Logan’s bedroom. The door was half cracked. Hand on the knob, you steeled yourself for whatever you might see inside.

You could only pray that you weren’t about to find your best friend’s dead body.

The door creaked a bit when you pushed it open. Light poured in through the windows and it illuminated the bed. There were no blankets or pillows on the bed, the fitted sheet half pulled off. In the middle of the bed was a body.

You’d recognize him anywhere.

“Logan? Hey Logan, it’s me,” you called softly from the doorway.

No response. You took a deep breath and stepped into the room. Then you crossed the distance over to the bed so that you were right next to it. He was turned towards the windows so the light showed you his face.

His eyes were clenched tight and his jaw flexed. Now that you were closer you could see the tiny shivers running through his body. Sweat covered his body, soaking through the t-shirt he wore.

“Logan?”

He shook his head minutely but didn’t respond. At least that told you he was awake. You put your bag down and moved to sit next to him. He flinched when you reached out to brush the hair from his forehead.

Soaked with sweat. He was also clammy and cold to the touch.

“Logan, what did you take? Come on sweetheart, you gotta tell me. Do I need to get you to the hospital?”

He didn’t answer again. You looked around for any signs of the usual drugs he did, but you didn’t see anything. No white powder residue on the table, no spoons or syringes, no bottles of pills. You looked back at Logan and saw the way his body clenched in waves.

This wasn’t an overdose or a bad high. This was DTs. He was in withdrawal.

“I’m here,” you whispered as you scooted closer to him, careful not to touch him. “I’ll stay with you for as long as you need.”

------

The day that Logan came back from Westworld was a very confusing time. Things at Delos had nose dived, with William at the helm of it all. He had said that Logan had gone off the deep end at Westworld and couldn’t be responsible enough for his job at the company. His father had agreed without question.

You went to the hospital where Logan was being treated for dehydration and sun poisoning. When you went into the room, he had stared at you as if he didn’t recognize you. You tried to grab his hand but he curled them into fists and tucked them under his arms as best he could with the IVs. And then he turned his head to look away from you.

It had hurt so much to be shut out, but you understood it. He’d been lost in Westworld for a few days and you imagined that had to be a terrifying time for him.

You didn’t believe William that Logan had lost it at Westworld. You knew Logan, knew how he was when he was at the park. He played the game, sure, but he wasn’t crazy. And nothing would have made him put his place at the company in danger.

You’d give him time, let him heal a bit before you tried again. You knew that you weren’t going anywhere. He knew it too.

------

The drugs were a security blanket for him. In the years you’d been friends with him, he fell into them every now and then. It was a release, a way to escape the life that he always felt he didn’t deserve. The pills, the coke, the needles, it was all a way for him to disappear for a while.

It was Westworld without having to wear spurs.

When he got out of the hospital, it didn’t surprise you that he went on a bender. It did surprise you that Juliet called you crying because he had overdosed and was in the hospital. He’d always known how far he could go, how far was too far. He’d never been this bad before.

This time when you went to the hospital, you weren’t alone. You had Juliet with you. His room was dark and there seemed to be so many monitors hooked up to him.

He looked small in that hospital bed. For the first time in your life, he looked small and frail and weak. Even when he was fresh from the Westworld desert, he hadn’t seemed so lost.

Juliet had cried into his shoulder, demanded that he stop acting like this. She swore and screamed at him for scaring her, for almost leaving her. You stayed near the doorway the whole time, ready to wave off any nurses that came by to see what the commotion was about.

His eyes flicked from you to her and then back. It was like he couldn’t believe that you were there.

And when it was your turn to confront him, you merely grabbed his wrist and told him to rest. Yelling wouldn’t do anything. Juliet knew that but she was upset, scared.

“Just rest,” you said as you smoothed your thumb over his hand, careful of where the needle was in his hand. “We’ll be here to bring you home in a few days.”

The day he was being released, you and Juliet went to pick him up but he was already gone.

------

It went like that for so long. He’d pop up for a few days, high or drunk and mean as a snake. The things he said to Juliet were enough to make his sister cry. You were there for one terrifying instance when she threw a vase at his head for the things he said.

And the things he said to you were not much better. The problem with your friendship with him was that he knew all of your weak spots, all of the tender wounds you hid from the world. He knew just how to push on them to make you bleed.

“Your parents didn’t want you.”

“You’ll never be good at your job, will always be second best.”

“You’re nothing, just someone who hangs around my family to try to get our scraps.”

Every barb struck true, but you refused to let them stick around. Everything he said was your worst fears, but you knew that he knew that. And he was doing it on purpose. For whatever reason, he had decided to push everyone away, but you refused to let him succeed.

Then one night when you went to check on him at his place, he had been so drunk he could barely stand. He refused your help, demanded you leave. When you didn’t, he used the one card in his hand that he hadn’t dealt yet.

“You’re just pathetic. You’re in love with me but I don’t want you. I’d rather fuck robots than fuck you. You’re so pathetic.”

It felt like glass had shattered under your skin. Every inch hurt, stung as if you were covered in cuts and had been dropped into the ocean.

Everyone had been able to see your feelings for Logan but it was ignored. You’d rather have him as a friend than as a lover because you knew he wouldn’t want to be tied down that way. He was loyal to friends in a way he could never be loyal to a lover. You had accepted your fate and moved on.

Logan’s words shattered that for you. It was everything you had feared about yourself laid out on the table by the one man you trusted more than anything.

“I’ll leave you alone,” you finally said when you found your tongue. “I’ll… I’ll leave you alone, just please be careful. It would kill Juliet if something happened to you. You’re the only family she really has.”

Not to mention you, but you refused to voice that. Not right then when emotions were raw and Logan was still looking for more daggers to throw.

On his porch with the door shut, you felt as if you couldn’t breathe. The tears refused to fall yet but you knew you’d have to pull over on the way home or risk crashing your car.

The sound of glass shattering in the house made you jump. It seemed he wasn’t done wrecking things.

------

The party was to celebrate some merger or other. You hadn’t wanted to go, afraid that Logan would be there, but Juliet had begged you. And she promised that Logan wouldn’t be caught dead at the party.

You put on your nicest dress and did your hair and makeup. Outwardly you looked put together and in control. Inwardly you were a mess of angles and edges. After the things with Logan had exploded, you felt unmoored. Of course you had other friends and a job that you were good at, but you felt as if you were just going through the motions.

Juliet had noticed but she couldn’t do much besides tell you she was sorry. It wasn’t her fault. It wasn’t even Logan’s fault.

You blamed William. Or maybe you blamed Westworld. Or maybe you blamed the world for not making life easier for you.

“Haven’t seen you around much lately,” a familiar and unwelcome voice said from somewhere to your left. “Since Logan stopped sniffing after you like a stray dog.”

You stood up taller as you turned to face James Delos himself. He looked completely at ease with a glass of scotch in his hand. And the look in his eyes told you that it wasn’t his first glass.

Logan would hate to know just how much he had in common with his father sometimes.

“I’m only here for Juliet. She asked me to come,” you said as you lifted your wine glass in her direction on the other side of the room.

“Yes, both of my children seem to be obsessed with you. Personally I don’t understand it. You’re not much to look at, are you?”

You laughed and took a sip from your glass.

“Unless you have something to say that’s worth listening to, you might as well move on Mr Delos. You’re not going to get a reaction from me.”

Juliet had told you that Logan hadn’t been around much so James must have been missing his favorite verbal punching bag. You had no intention of filling that void.

He scoffed and gestured with the hand that held his drink.

“Look at this, all of these people here to celebrate the company that bears my name. If Logan had stuck around, we could have ended up in the gutter. He’s better off with a needle in his arm. It’s all he’s good for.”

You would have been fine if he had aimed his barbs at you. After what his son had said, nothing else could hurt you as bad as that. But this?

There was no one as important to you as Logan. Even now.

You turned to meet his eyes and enjoyed it as he recoiled at the hatred in your eyes.

“If you were any bit a man of worth, you would feel something for your son who is obviously hurting, but you’re not a man. You’re a cruel and petty worm that happens to have a lot of money. You think any of these people would stick around if your name wasn’t Delos? They don’t care about you, they only care about what you can do for them. You are alone because no one could ever love you.”

You grabbed Juliet’s hand as she came up at the tail end of your rant. Her eyes shone as she stared at you and you gave her a tight smile.

Might as well make it official.

“Your children try to impress you, try to make you proud, but they never will, will they? Because you don’t care about them. Here’s what you don’t understand. Juliet deserves so much more than you and William, a man who obviously is lying about what happened in Westworld but you’re too stuck up your own ass to care. And Logan?” Your voice broke when you said his name but you continued on. “Logan deserves so much more than you and your disdain. He is in pain but all you care about is the Delos name. He is your blood, James Delos, and what happens to him, happens to you. Worse than that, it is because of you.”

You squeezed Juliet’s hand before you released it. Then you drained the last of your wine and dropped the glass on the ground, letting it shatter into a thousand pieces under your feet.

“So the next time you decide to be so low as to kick your own son while he’s down and needs help, remember this. When you’re old and frail and dying, your children will be the only ones at your bedside. Maybe you should make sure they are there to do more than just pull the plug.”

Heart in your throat, you turned to leave the party, but you came to a halt. Logan was standing a few feet away. He looked rough, eyes red and glassy. His hair was a mess, facial hair longer than he usually wore it.

And he was staring straight at you.

You shouldered your way past the onlookers, but you couldn’t help but cast one last glance at Logan before you went out of the party.

It must have been the lights, but you thought he was crying.

------

Three nights after the party, you stared at your phone at the Find Your Friends app you and Logan shared. There was a little dot on the map where his house was. You stared at it for so long that you started to feel dizzy.

You wanted to see him. You knew it could lead to more yelling, more tears, but you hadn’t been able to stop thinking about him.

It hurt, but he was still your best friend.

So with nothing left to lose, you grabbed your purse and your keys and headed to your car. It was a short drive that felt longer by the anxiety building in your chest. When you pulled up to the house, you were surprised to see the lights off.

His car was there though. And you had a key.

------

You must have fallen asleep at some point. The bed was comfortable under you, but there was something else. A warm body on top of your legs. There was a head on your stomach and your hand was threaded through the hair.

It was Logan. You knew it before you opened your eyes because the memory of coming to his house was heavy on your mind, but you couldn’t remember how you had ended up in this position.

You had been on the bed next to him. He had been sweating, in pain. Not high, no. Detox.

“I know you’re awake,” he mumbled against your stomach. “Your breathing changed.”

“How are you feeling?”

He rubbed his face against your t-shirt. You peered down at the top of his head and tried not to smile at the sight. He was never a morning person.

“Hungry.”

It took a bit to get both of you out of bed, but you felt better once you could stretch. Without looking at him, you told him to take a shower while you made breakfast.

The sound of the water running told you that he listened to you. First time for everything.

Breakfast was made and on the table before he came out of the shower. You caught a glimpse of him as he walked through the house, his hair wet and pushed back. He wore a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt that looked like it had seen better days. It was the most relaxed you’d seen him since before Westworld.

You could separate your life in before and after Logan had gone to Westworld.

When he got to the kitchen, he noticed that you only had one plate set.

“You’re going to leave,” he stated. Then he shook his head and let out a sad laugh. “It shouldn’t surprise me. After what I’ve put you through the last few months, I’m surprised you came by at all.”

You stared at him for a long moment. He was usually better at hiding his emotions but it seemed like all of his walls had crumbled down.

“I ate while you were in the shower. Sit. Do you want juice or water?”

You had been surprised that he had so much food and drink in his fridge, but the grocery deliveries probably still happened even if he was too drunk to do any cooking for himself.

“I want to apologize.”

“I didn’t come here for that,” you said as you grabbed the juice from the fridge and moved to find a clean glass.

“What did you come here for?”

He sounded so broken that you couldn’t help but turn around to look at him.

“Honestly? I think I came here to see you. And maybe yell at you. But after I saw you last night, saw how much pain you were in, I can’t yell at you.”

He sat at the table and after a long moment you sat next to him. It was closer than you had been in months, with the exception of the night before.

“I want to get better,” he breathed as he looked down at his plate. “I need to get better or else you and Juliet are going to have to plan a funeral.”

The thought felt like a punch to your gut. Your hand came out and covered Logan’s hand. The touch made him jump, but then he turned his hand so that his palm was pressed against yours.

“Whatever you need, okay? If you want to try rehab, I’ll help you look. If you want to do it cold turkey, I’ll stand by your side and smack your hand if you even look at a commercial for alcohol. If you want to get better, your sister and I will be here for you.”

His eyes were fixed on your hands linked together but you could still see him clear enough to see the tears.

“Why would you do that for me?”

You took a deep breath and tried to hold back your own tears.

“Because you were right, I am in love with you. But what’s more important than that is the fact that I love you. You’re my best friend Logan, my family. I want you happy and healthy and alive.”

His hand had started to shake when you started to talk and by time you had ended, he was sobbing. You stood up and wrapped your arms around his shoulders. He buried his face into your stomach as he cried.

“It’s going to be okay Logan,” you promised as you ran your hand through his hair. “It’s all going to be okay.”

------

“Two weeks sober and clean,” you said as you put down a plate in front of Logan and then another in front of Juliet. “I thought we should have a celebration.”

Logan was smiling, but you could see the tension behind his eyes.

“It’s just two weeks. Nothing to celebrate.”

You put your hand on his shoulder and gave it a little squeeze.

“It’s a big deal Logan. Two weeks, fourteen days. Every day is a battle and this is fourteen battles behind you. Accept the celebration and free food.”

He laughed and covered your hand with his for a moment before he started to dig into his food. Juliet followed suit with a smile.

“This is great. Haven’t had a home cooked meal in a while,” she said as she grabbed the rolls in the middle of the table.

She had left her father’s house and in turn left William too. You were proud of her as well.

“I’m glad you two made up,” she said as she passed the rolls over to Logan. “I hated it when you two weren’t talking. I didn’t know what I could do to make it better.”

You gave a tight smile to Juliet before you turned to grab the pitcher of water from the fridge. It had been two weeks of Logan fighting his addictions and that was the important thing. You didn’t want to add to his stresses by making him talk about the things he had said or the things he had heard you say to his dad.

You just wanted him healthy and happy.

The meal was exactly what you had wanted it to be when you mentioned it to the siblings. It took their minds off of their troubles for a short time. And it helped you feel a semblance of normalcy.

It was a step in the right direction.

------

“Logan! What are you doing here?”

He came into your apartment without an invitation. He looked good, better than he had even before Westworld. He had filled out a bit and now even had some muscle on his frame. Apparently he had picked up working out to help him beat his addiction.

It was better than him sleeping with every person in the city. Although it made sense that he wouldn’t be doing that if he was avoiding his other vices as well.

“Haven’t been here since…” Since before Westworld. He shook his head and then turned to look at you. “I got my two month chip today.”

You gave him a wide smile.

“I know. I’m so proud of you Logan.”

He smiled and then turned away. You watched as he looked at the pictures on your shelves. There were more than a few of the two of you.

“One of the things they talk about in group is making amends. I’ve already done the whole thing with Jules and I wrote my dad a letter although he may have just thrown it away. All that leaves is… you.”

You had known this was coming but you’d tried to pretend he would skip you. Maybe you thought he’d consider the hour he spent crying into your t-shirt as amends enough.

But you knew it was coming. As much as you wanted to tell him it didn’t matter, he didn’t have to, you knew that it didn’t work that way. He needed this to continue to heal. And you’d meant it when you said whatever it took.

“Come here,” you said gently as you held a hand out to him.

He took it and let you lead him over to the couch. Once both of you were settled, a foot of space between you, you decided to keep your hand in his for support. Whether you were supporting him or the other way around, it didn’t matter. He looked surprised but pleased at the contact.

“I don’t even know where to start. I’m sorry I didn’t let you in after Westworld. I’m sorry I pushed you away and made you worry about me. That I didn’t… didn’t give a fuck about you, just wanted to self destruct in peace.” His other hand grasped yours as well, his hands shaking the slightest bit. “And I can’t begin to to say how sorry I am for the things I said to you.”

You had a flash of it all at once, every hurtful thing he flung your way to push you away. They hurt, but none so much as that last one.

“Logan–”

“No, please, I… I have to say this.”

After a long moment you nodded to tell him to continue. You knew he needed to get through it. You just hoped you could stand to hear it.

“Maybe your parents gave you away, but that doesn’t mean shit. They didn’t know you and that’s their loss. And it’s not like my parents wanted me. And you’re so fucking good at your job, everyone knows it. You’re the best and that company would collapse without you.”

He took a deep breath and you realized he was working up to the worse of it all.

“I nev–never should’ve said that you were pathetic because you’re not. Fact is, I’m the pathetic one. I knew how you felt about me and I just ignored it instead of doing something about it because… I don’t want to fuck the robots instead of you. I fucked them because I couldn’t have you.”

You were shocked silent which was alright since he wasn’t done, but you could hear your heart thundering in your ears.

“I think I’ve been in love with you for a few years but I knew I wasn’t good enough for you. And Westworld just showed me that I would never be good enough for you, too much of a fuck up, so I pushed you away. I wanted to destroy all that was good in my life and that meant destroying what I had with you. But even though I’d tried to make you hate me, you still defended me to my dad. You… the things you said… I realized that even if you could never forgive me, I had to get better. You deserved better than me.”

He was crying. This time you were sure of it because the tears were pouring down his cheeks. They were pouring down your cheeks as well.

Without waiting for him to finish, in case he had anything else to say, you reached out and cupped his face in your hands. Once his watery brown eyes met yours, you pulled him in and pressed your forehead to his.

“Logan, I was never… I never hated you. I was never gone from you. I wanted to give you time and space, to get to a place where I could help you. Because I meant it when I said I love you. You’re my best friend.”

He leaned back a bit and you shook your head, knowing what he was thinking. You leaned in close and pressed your lips to his. It was a salty kiss, but the moment he realized what was happening, he took the lead. He tugged you in closer, his mouth trying to devour yours.

“You’re so much more than you think you are,” you whispered against his lips as you wrapped your arms around his shoulders. “I need you to know that you are everything to me. My best friend, the man I love, it’s all the same thing to me. And you deserve me just as much as I deserve you.”

His hand came up to cup the back of your neck to angle your head so that he could see your face. His eyes were large as he looked at you in surprise.

“You didn’t know that I’d pick you a hundred times over?”

He laughed and leaned in for another kiss. Each kiss made you shatter all over again, but this time it was different. This time you had something there to put you back together. Just like you would put him back together.

Let me know if you want to be added to my Permanent Tag List! @hermioneshandbag @onebatch--twobatch @blackcoffeeandgreenteaforme @citation-is-here @mightymelly @realduckvader @hxbbit @thepuffyeyedpuff @the-three-eyed-ravenclaw @yessy2012 @gingerstarlight @siriusement @marauderskeeper @xinyourdreamsx @wickidlady @sassygirl25 @maraudereestauderelb @holamor @lea----b @heyitslexy @coffeenmoscato @presstocontinue @elisemockingbird @assbuttwithwings @geeksareunique @witch-of-letters @delicatelilyflower @l-l-c-m-w-b @whovianayesha @hiddenprincess @yannii04 @brighteststarinthesky @kilyra @gallxntdean @sweetvengeancee @lady1505 @thedarklightwithinus @ateliefloresdaprimavera @siriuslyimmoony @elodieyung @fudgeflyss @madamrogers @thatwrestlingfan91 @teranya @sophiabulbu69 @delusionsofnostalgia @effielumiere @mamaraptor @hot-and-spiceyyy @i-padfootblack-things @aya-fay @starkrobb @raquelbc2003 @iwishyoucouldbekissed @taman-a @newtstarmander @suchatinyinfinity @blushingskywalker @queencocoakimmie @funerals-with-cake @love-dria @arrowswithwifi @swiftyhowlz @cheyfleur @dark-night-sky-99 @celestegolden @king4thesirens @beautifuldesastre @ashkuuuu @luminex3 @nerdypinupcrystal @iblogabout-stuff @curlyhairedblueeyedangel @myplaceofheavenorhell @nea90sweetie @traeumerinwitzhelden @binbons-is-theloml @lostinthoughts23 @aikeia @christinawxxx @dontlwtitbreakyourheart @rhabakoli @j-finco @sweetybuzz25 @supernaturalonice @jeanettexkillian @jigsawlover10 @gollyderek @polireader @georgiagrl1990 @carlaangel86 @listenbigfoot @hiddleless @meganlpie @countryday @random-quartz @cafeconsoya @rainyboul @siriuslovesmarlene @kryyta @russosprettydiamondnow @dorkybryan @mahalobro @yesixoxo @fcavalerro @jeaolusy @leathergreygoddess @margot-black

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#logan delos #logan delos x reader #logan delos imagine #logan delos fanfic #my writing #requests

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nrsranger · 3 years

Text

1.7

Ord Mantell

Ord Utellian (pop 10,003)

The Mantellian Sepritist

1904 hrs

The Mantellian Sepritist was a large bar on the outskirts of the City of Ord Utellian, which served as the host city for the New Republic Fleet, it was a three walled establishment with a low brick fence extending out, then comprised the fourth wall leaving 12 meter by 12 meter section in the open air. The walls of the bar were decorated with art and artficats from the days of the Old Republic, Old Mantellian battle helmets, the most prized artifact was an Old Republic Trooper SpecForce armor from the famed Spec Ops Unit known as Havoc Squad. Several dozen tables sprinkled the large floor space. Currently all the tables and the bar space were filled out with uniformed officers from the New Republic Navy. The noise was kept to a modest level with occasional outbursts of laughter, that's what Dorman thought when he, Yarn and L.T Commander Maldoza walked in. The three of them crossed the room and found a table with five people gatherd around it. The Light Blue uniform identifyed them as pilots in the Star Fighter Corps. Glancing at the rank insignia on the shoulder and chest they were identified as three Squad leaders, a Flight L.T and the highest ranking officer, a Flight Captian. The moment Dorman saw the Squad leader insgnia he instantly snapped a salute, Yarn was a bit slower as he went to attention. Then men seated at the table turned toward the out of place display of promt millitary protocol.

“Who’s on watch at this table?” L.t Commander Maldoza demanded crisply

“I am” Flight Captian Alek Mauz said getting up and facing the two men and the Bothan as if they were in a standoff. “At ease Ensigns”

“Do I even need to ask?” Maldoza said all formalily and hostility dropping.

“I don’t know why you still do?” Alek said then added as they shook hands in a way only old friends can shake hands “These are my two new pilots?”

“Yes, they are, enjoy them!” L.T Commander Maldoza said “I have to go immedatly” he added

“Your not going to stay, Ralrost?” Alek siad

“I wish I could but things are in motion things that require my attention” Ralrost said “or is that to vuage” throwing a glace toward Dorman and Yarn

“Anything I should know about?” Alek said

“Not yet, but make sure none of your pilots are” Ralrost stammed a bit as if trying to remeber a coiloqual saying “K.O, we might have work tommorrow”

Alek starred into his friends face susspisouly, “yeah, sure thing” he said hessitently, but then continuing he said “Joker, get the L.T Commander somthing for the road!”

As Joker stood up and hopped over the bar “Does he want some Bothan concocktion or a cup of Jawa juice?”

“Careful! I’m the guy who can get you a date with every Todarian drag queen from here to Naboo” Ralrost said drawing “oooooOOOO’s” from the whole crowd

Tinged with a bit of embarssement but with a playful smile “It was one time! Howd you know about that?,” Joker said

“What can I say, I’m Bothan…..and the fact that you talk when your K.O’ed drunk” Ralrost said smiling ear to ear

“Well you just earned yourself a Bothan Protein Martini” Joker said as he assembled the drink.

Ralrost then felt a buzzing in his pocket and grabbed out his commlink, listened for a bit shut it down and looked up just as Joker was finishing with the drink and was looking for a to go container he found a hydro-cylinder took off the cap took a wif then made a face as he poured it out into the sink, he then refiled the container with Ralrost’s Bothan Protein Martini, he then put the cap back on. The bartender starred not caring, so long as he got paid he then shrugged his shoulders and went about his business.

“Alright Commander here you go” Joker said as he tossed it to Ralrost,

L.T Commander Maldoza caught it, thanked Joker and exited the bar in a rush.

“What was that all about?” Yarn said

“Ralrost Maldoza so so high in the Bothan interllignce network even I don’t know how much he is informed about, if he is worried, somthing is big is happening” the Flight L.T said

“Trippers right, Everyone lets go light on the drinks!” Alek said

The bar erupted in low grummbles put deep down they all knew that Maldoza information has saved their lives more time than they could count, and thats all the ones they knew off. Alek Mauz then turned his attention to the two new Ensigns that are now under his command

“So what are your names Ensigns?” Alek Mauz said

“Ensgin Yarn Belmic! Sir!”

“Ensign Dorman Tarn!,Sir!”

“Congratulations, Belmic your Firebird 11 your temparory Call Sign is 11, Tarn your Firebird 12 your temparory Call Sign is 12, now 11, 12 take a seat and lets make some introductions” Alek Mauz stood up and said “Fire Birds introduce your selfs to your new squad mates”

From behind them came “I’m Derci Alpine but you will refere to me as Joker, Squad leader, or the King of Naboo”

“Names Taus Maic I’m your new Flight L.T Callsigns Tripper” said one of the men sitting at the same table as them

“Call Sign Squid” Said a Quarren sitting at a circular table with three other pilots playing a friendly game of Sabbac with table snacks making up most of the winnings “but my name is Talllos Quarn”

The person the human to his right said in a deep voice “Mac Ran callsign Brawl”

The Sabbac dealer was a Rodian who said “Ives Derven, Sabbac”

The final person at the table was a human who said “Sir, Magnolian Vardeenios 5th lord to the thrown of Varlelos call sign Drip”

The next voice sat a table with three Rodians belonging to a Weequay “Call sign is Mob, thats all you need to know right now”

“Mash Ric Callsign Root” said a human sitting at the bar alone “thats Utapa Tarples grandson of the Great General Tarples from the Clone Wars, his Callsign is Gungan he dose not like to talk infront of most people” Mash said indicating a Gungan sitting on a chair leaning aginst the wall with his uniform cover covering his face appering to be taking a nap.

“This is Squad Leader of the Night Owls Natalia Gee callsign Vine” Alek said indicating the Theelin Female “This is the A-Wing Squad Leader Otis Tik or Noodles” indicting the two squad leaders sitting at their table “and last but not least my name is Flight Captian Alek Mauz, Callsign Firebird and I am your CAG” said the ageing man that gave them their call signs ”You probaly have alot of questions, and so long it does not interfere with the enjoyableness of the evening, you may ask”

“Umm ok,my first question is, what kinda Jedi esc stunt did you pull to get a whole X-Wing squadron named after you?” Yarn Belmic said

“Oh ho ho ho! Now thats a story!” Tripper exclaimed leaning in revealing how much he enjoyed telling this story “You don't know that your sitting in the mists of a galaxy wide celebrity, Alek Mauz is credited with the last confirmed kill of the Galactic Civil War”

“And the Call Sign Firebird?” Yarn said

“If you stick around for a while you might learn why” Alek said with a hint of reluctance.

“I have a question” Dorman said talking twoard Tripper “what did Commander Maldoza mean by asking whos on watch?”

“Now, that is a practice that dates back to the founding of the Rebellion, whenever the Rebels needed to blow off steam and went into a cantina or bar they would always pick out someone to be on watch incase Imperials came in or if any of his comrades wanted to pick a fight there would always be a sober man to break up the fight or to get his men out of there, when Captian Namin who was in the Rebelion from the early days was put in command of the Ranger he instituted this practice” Alek said

“And why are you always on watch?” Dorman asked

“Amoung my people, our gods have promised us in what we call the Palaidin Promise, that who ever swears off Alcohol, additicve substance, sexual relations, and who lives their life as moral as they can, they will be blessed by the Gods that we will be faster, stronger and better than our enemies.” Alek said slowly and cautioly as if this was something very important to him and he did not want anyone to misunderstand.

“This is all fascinating but Captain can we return to the topic at hand? I need to prepare my squad for the next threat” Noodles, the A-Wing Squad leader butted in impatiently.

“Yes, Yes as I explained before, both the First Order and the Resistnace pose threats to the New Republic, and we need to be prepared to deal with both of them” Alek said

“I don’t buy that Captain, the Resistance was formed as a result of the First Order making several threatening moves” said Vine The Y-Wing Squad leader

“Senator Organa only formed the Resistance as a result of a psychological need to fight someone somewhere and when she runs out of enemies who will she fight. I am just saying, look at our training exercise today, we went up against three light cruisers, one grand cruiser and several dozen fighter craft. The carrier jumped out when we destroyed most of the fighters who had 4 cruisers and fighter crafts?” Noodles said

“I met the Senator! she is not a person who is addicted to violence!” Vine exclaimed

“No, she does not seem like a violent person but look when the Empire fell she stayed in the fight to the very end until all the Remnants no matter how small were ratted out and crushed them. She has been fighting her whole life then when Alderan...um, blew up something snapped and she has been a loose cannon, fighting anyone who raised a blaster in her general direction.” Noodles said getting more heated as he’s speech went on

“Your beginning to sound like an Imperial, because Senator Organa has done nothing but sacrifice anything and everything to keep our galaxy safe and all your doing is complaining” Vine said getting just as heated

“No, no you miss understand me, Natalia. I am very grateful for what all she has done she sacrificed everything for the benefit of the Rebellion so that today I don't have to live in a tyrannical empire, but when there is finally peace, what would warriors do, they find another war to fight and when there are none, they start one” Noodles escalating his voice

“I don’t know but the First Order is clearly the bigger threat, and the Resistance is ill maned and ill equipped to take on the First Order or anyone for that matter” Vine said

“You won’t hear an argument from me on that one” Noodles said “But that won't stop them growing”

Yarn was following the conversation very closely but his concentration was interrupted as Joker walked back from the bar, grabbed a seat flipped it backwards and sat down resting his hands on the head rest and looked at Tripper, and Alek who at this point have stayed out of the conversation letting the The squad leaders duke it out verbally. At this point in the argument it turned to how the Resistance is “only made up of Old War Heros like Acbar and Organa, people with nowhere left to go and academy washouts”

This is where Yarn jumped in “I had a classmate in the Academy who got his first posting as an X-Wing pilot before deserting to the resistance” That was like throwing Coaxium off a clift as the argument turned into a three way argument with Noodles saying how the Resistance is a dangerous enemy causing desertion to fill their ranks with Military personal, Vine defended the Resistance recruitment practices by justifying how most of the Navy would leave to fight the real enemy and Yarn was somewhere in the middle.

“Oh Shut up and kiss already!!” Joker said over the clamor drawing the attention of a few other pilots. Noodles and Vine looked at Joker with a stare that could kill, then looked at eachother as they begian to laugh as they stood up faced eachother then boom! They were kissing, and kissing, and kissing either passionatly or viloently, drawing laugh cheers and whoops from the other pilots this went on for few minutes.

Trapper looked accross the table at Yarns face contorted in shock

“Oh, no we broke the new guy” Joker said

“Eleven?, Eleven? You there, Ord Mantel to Eleven come in Eleven” Tripper said waving his hand toward Yarn.

“Huh!!, WHAT THE CRIFT JUST HAPPEND” Yarn said in shock

Chuckling Joker said “Oh that? They have been together for the last few weeks, they argue like this just to throw us off their scent, but IT DIDN'T WORK” he directed the last portion toward the kissing couple.

“Hey, Hey it's Elvens first day here, let's not scare him too bad, ok?” Tripper said nugging Joker.

Throughout this whole ordeal Dorman sat back minding his own business and read the one book he always carried with him in his right thigh’s pants pocket

Alek noticed what Dorman was reading and with a roll of his eyes he realized just how much work his old Bothan friend cut out for him.

“What your reading there, Twelve?” Alek asked

“Just refreshing myself on whatThe New Republic StarFighter Regulation Manual says about improvisational combat plans” Dorman said

“Let me set a few things straight” Alek said then asked “let me see your book”

“Sure, “ Dorman said as he handed it to his Captian

“Look you see this book? Who wrote it?” Alek said displaying the front of the manuel

“Senator Trayis Malcor of Russan?” Dorman said puzzled

“Exactly, this book is useless! It is a military manuel written by a politician, a politician who does not even have a lick of military service” Alek said demeaningly

“Well, sir, uhhh” Dorman stammed

“Look Bookworm there is only one book that matters here in the field” Alek said slamming the manuel down reaching in and holding up a little black book that contained the names of people who should be notified in the event of his death or capture, it also contained personal notes and the last will and testament of Alek “Firebird” Mauz, every pilot filled out two, one he or she carried and one left in their lockers. “The only thing that matters” Alek continued is returning to the people who are in this book and making sure they never hear what I wrote inside it, the manuel only hinders that goal” Alek said with the most stearn voice anyone ever heard him use

A few seconds passed then “Joker?” Tripper said, shouting over low tumult of the crowd trying to lighten the increasingly darking mood “Did you hear that?”

“Yeaah, it sounds like a Callsign” Joker said, jumping on top of the table drawing all the pilot's attention.

“As your Squad leader” Joker said “and Flight L.T” Tripper joined, “we now crisan you Ensing-” they said together “what’s your name” Joker ask “Droman Tarn” Tarn filled in,

“We now Crisan you Ensign Dorman Bookworm Tarn!” they said together

“That's too on the nose Joker!” Root said “Get more creative!”

“Ok! Just Dorman Worm Tarn”

“But that’s my call sign!” Waldmir Vardom a Rodian A-Wing pilot said

“You're not making it easy, Worm!” Joker then said “Ok, ok fine If nobody else has any other exueses you are now Ensign Dorman Book Tarn!!!!”

No body interupted

“Alrighty” Tripper shouted “Let's give Book a Ranger Carrier Air Group Welcome!!!”

“WELCOME TO THE RANGER, BOOK” the whole bar erupted, even Noodles and Vine stopped kissing for a moment to join in the shout.

#star wars #fanfic #writing

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jiyeong · 5 years

Text

bmblb flowershop au

been CRAVING this for weeks so i wrote one on twitter and im gonna do a post here too so i don’t lose it in my 43k tweets in case i ever do anything more with it (’: but here’s my bee flowershop au pls enjoy. it’s set in late spring/early summer

yang, age 18 and freshly out of highschool, gets her driver’s license and immediately asks for a motorcycle. taiyang gives her the keys to the family minivan instead and tells her if she wants a deathmobile, she can get a job and buy it herself

she’s walking down the main shopping street looking for job opportunities when she sees a cute girl putting up a “help wanted” sign outside a flowershop. it’s blake. the cute girl is blake.

it’s a delivery job and she applies immediately and gets it mostly because she’s the only one who applied, but ironically also because the minivan is big enough to hold large bouquets, has a 5star safety rating, and also does not go faster than 35mph so its extremely unlikely that she will be in any accidents lol

blake’s family’s shop is very popular, and they do a lot of weddings and big events. it’s an on-call job and she gets called in maybe once or twice a week. it’s always blake calling her in, and they always have a nice chat before she has to go deliver the flowers

she finds out blake is the owner’s only daughter, so she’s probably off limits so like ok. disappointing but whatever it’s easy money and she gets to talk to a hot girl every time she goes to work so this is fine

but then she starts getting some really weird deliveries...

the first one is to a wrestling tournament at some prep school. it’s for a boy (sun wukong, the delivery slip says) who giggles like a little schoolgirl as soon as he sees her coming with the flowers, and before he’ll sign for the delivery, starts talking to her about sports and her workout routines, etc

he’s a nice guy, they talk for a bit, and she asks if he got the flowers because he won and he says no, it’s the nationals and he made third place. the whole time he’s grinning like it’s some kind of inside joke, so that’s what she figures it is.

when she goes back to the flowershop, she tells blake about it, about how weird it was delivering to a wrestling tourney of all things- and she’s laughing too.

yang mentions looking at the delivery slip and that she’s never heard of the flowers before. this gets blake GOING.

she tells her that they’re ranunculus flowers, more commonly known as buttercups in some other flowershops, and that they symbolize attraction, that you find someone charming.

“huh. guess he has some big fan out there,” yang laughs.

“yeah,” blake smiles softly, “guess so.”

the second time it happens, it’s a delivery to some small town fashion magazine publisher. this time, blake mentions the flowers before yang leaves.

it is a mixture of carnations,lilies, and white orchids, and they all symbolize, to some degree, beauty. yang supposes it’s fitting considering she’s going to a fashion magazine, i guess??? this makes blake laugh a bit. yang thinks her laugh is really very cute.

the flowers are for a velvet scarlatina. yang notices her fidgeting as she drops them off in her office. it’s not a nervous fidget, more like she’s excited but is a bit too shy to say and doesn’t know how to express it, maybe?

so yang asks. velvet’s surprised by the question, but she smiles and tells her anyways. she’s just been promoted to lead photographer, she’ll have an entire photo editing department to lead starting tomorrow, and it’s probably the biggest thing that’s ever happened to her. it’s exciting! she’s excited! yang congratulates her, she’s genuinely happy for this girl. she seems like a hard worker.

as yang turns to leave, velvet stops her, holds up a camera slowly, and softly asks if she can take yang’s picture. to test out her new lens, she adds.

it’s a little weird, but okay; artsy people are always weird, yang’s smokin hot on a normal day, AND she’s having an incredible hair day today, if she does say so herself. so she agrees. before she leaves, velvet hands her a small rabbit’s foot, “for good luck.”

this time, yang tells both blake and ruby/weiss about it. blake seems amused, but doesn’t say much, and ruby immediately demands to see the rabbit’s foot charm.

while ruby is occupied by the charm, weiss asks yang how her new job is going. yang gets stuck talking about blake, how cute she is and how smart she is and how nice she is. her smile and her face and her voice.

at this point even ruby’s tuned back in.

so, they do what any good sister/sister’s weirdly obsessive girlfriend would do. they tag along the next time she gets called in to work.

ruby and weiss immediately drift to a section of shop on their own, distracted. ruby’s picking out a bouquet of roses for weiss (ugh, yang thinks) as yang walks to the counter where blake sits. this time the bouquet is simple, made of only one flower: gardenias.

“it symbolizes purity and love,” blake tells her.

“wow i feel like 90% of these flowers symbolize purity and love,” yang jokes. it makes blake chuckle, so very softly, and yang feels like a hammer has dropped in her chest. love. oh no.

“probably accurate. gardenias though, if you were wishing to send someone your undying love anonymously, you would send them gardenias,” blake muses, eyes drifting over to ruby and weiss making a fuss in the corner. “it’s a symbol for a secret love.”

yang’s head is screaming. oh no.

yang ends up leaving (ditching) ruby and weiss there with blake.

the flowers are being sent to the same prep school as the wrestling tournament, but instead of the gym she’s headed for the locker rooms. there’s a sign for a track meet today, and the flowers are for an ilia amitola, some star on the team, yang guesses, as she walks through the school.

ilia is the only one still in there, and yang senses the hostility immediately.

ilia absolutely GRILLS her, there’s no other way to describe it. she asks her question after question about her tastes, her hobbies, her personal life. it’s a little intimidating, and yang is still sort of distracted from her revelation at the flowershop (oh nO) so she answers them all.

ilia’s quiet for a bit at the end before signing the slip and letting yang go.

“don’t fuck it up,” she says as yang’s leaving the room. what the hell???

when she gets home she immediately storms into ruby’s room.

“i think im in love with her,” she’s freaking out. pacing. weiss is in there too, because of course she is, and they’re both just staring at her blankly.

apparently, it was obvious.

“I don’t know why you’re freaking out,” weiss huffs. “when was the last time you dated a girl? like, actually, with feelings??”

“shut UP weiss you’re not invited to this conversation. ruby, sweet ruby, my wonderful adorable baby sister with a strange addiction to model guns and extremely violent shooting games, how the fuck do i get over the cute flower girl that makes me feel like i want to bash my head against the concrete??”

“uhhh well, for one, i think weiss has great ideas so im re-inviting her into the conversation. (”thank you,” weiss huffs, because she was raised to be polite even while offended) and two, just, like, uhhh don’t???”

they convince yang to confess to blake. but yang’s like ok it’s been a while since ive had actual, swear-to-god, feelings, so she wants to do something ROMANTIC. something BIG. something GAY.

yang’s saved up a nice chunk of cash from her job - and okay, who needs a motorcycle when you could get a girlfriend? and like, okay, blake works at the shop, so she’s not quite sure if flowers are an appropriate idea, but she’s literally always reading books on flower meanings and flower dictionaries and looking at natgeo magazines etc so she watches shia lebeouf’s just do it video and why the hell not

but she has to do it right - and she asks the only flower experts she knows other than blake. blake’s parents. she wants to get their okay as well anyways - she’d quit if she had to - so it’s like two birds one stone. but yang’s been charming them since her interview, and they’re almost strangely enthusiastic about helping set up their only daughter.

she gets weiss to place the order, because ruby can’t stop giggling on the phone. it’s a HUGE bouquet - full of every flower that symbolizes love that mr & mrs belladonna recommended her. it’s almost embarrassing listening to weiss list the flowers and knowing that blake is the one receiving the order.

the bouquet is so huge that yang insists that she needs help carrying it. conveniently, ruby and weiss are busy doing something gay, so they aren’t free to help her. blake raises her eyebrow when her parents send her off with yang to help. yang thinks it’s very attractive.

the address is a meadow right on the outskirts of town. lots of rolling hills, lots of swaying trees, the sky is clear and you can already see the moon even though it isn’t nighttime yet. it’s all very scenic, a perfect wedding venue. it’s late afternoon when they leave the shop.

“preparing for a wedding so late in the day is so strange,” blake comments on the way there, playing with the radio stations like she owns the van. it makes yang’s heart clench. can you die early from too much feeling? how awful. “what eccentric people, to be having their ceremony so late at night.”

“aha... y-yeah, eccentric people for sure,” yang sweats.

they park on the hill, and there’s no one there. blake steps out of the van, confused. she’s looking at the sunset and it’s as picture perfect as she thought it would be, but where is everyone?

and when she turns around, yang is holding the very large bouquet perfectly fine on her own. she almost shoves it into blake’s face.

“they’re for you,” yang blurts out immediately. “i’m the eccentric people.”

blake’s all ??? for a second. and then it sinks in and she’s laughing because, “do you know how much these flowers cost? did you literally spend all your money on a bouquet of flowers for me, a florist’s daughter who is literally around flowers all day?”

turns out blake has also been spending her money on bouquets for all of her friends uncharacteristically often, with their consent of course, just to get the cute new delivery girl into the store more so she could see her and maybe have a chat. they’ve been returning the flowers with small favors of their own - non-consensual blake makes sure to point out - namely, yang’s favorite workout spots, some really cute not-at-all-candid pictures of yang, and what basically amounted to, yup u guessed it, an entire autobiography of yang herself. god.

they kiss as the sun’s last rays are fading, laughing, on a hill almost an hour’s drive away in a rusty old minivan, and over a ridiculously unnecessary amount of flowers. it’s pretty fuckin gay.

#rwby #bumbleby #headcanons #that's my tag for long au posts like this lol #very GAY very INDULGENT #very long #also they're both poor because flowers are freakin expensive guys jeez #bee flowershop au #COMPLETE with flower meanings that i literally googled as i was writing the original tweets #god if i could write i'd write THIS and also the harry potter au that i am also typing up in bullet points instead of actual sentences.#writing is HARD and i appreciate every single person on ao3 thank u so much for my life

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riskeith · 3 years

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hi babe, hope you slept well.. ♥️

answering on the phone is just *takes screenshots* *opens tumblr app* *switch between screenshots and answering* do you also put on my messages on the laptop and answering with your phone usually, because that’s what i do lmao sjshdks. thank god for technology.

(I LOVE BEING CALLED BRO.. i believe that i would’ve been a dudebro in another life tbh..) there is? i’m not super immersed in the fandom actually so i had no idea, do you have any examples? ofc only if you wanna talk about it i know these topics can sometimes be annoying to think about. also you’re right! ‘don’t like don’t read’ is the law. follow it. i can’t believe how some people have the nerve to talk about what other people do creatively... yikes

you should if you ever find yourself not knowing what to read! i think their fics were some of my first in the fandom and they set the bar so high hehe. dude i love how oikawa just wants to see kageyama burn it’s so funny..... he’s so cocky about it while kageyama’s just his moody self. speaking of; one of my fave fics of yours is the swapping jerseys one!

WTF 😭 BABY POOLS AND POOL FLOATIES..... razor please come back to us please. sidenote but do you also think that his powers are 5 star level? hes soo powerful it’s so odd how he’s only 4 star haha... or maybe it’s just me being biased.

YEAH! THE SAVING SCENE IS SO AHHHHH. god especially if they have dialogue while person a is hurting and person b just spills all their feelings and becomes so erratic and scared and person a is like holy shit you love me.... and after everything is okay there’s still some awkwardness and tension and aaa.... 💢💔

OOO. sadly the ps5 is always out of stock it’s crazy how fast it sold out. but i mean it makes sense it’s arguably the most popular console so.. hopefully they restock soon. last of us is such a fun game! and the second part is ~gay~ which is always a plus. i’m not sure which memes you mean? tell me 👁 HAHA that makes sense actually omg... lumine and aether reunion won’t happen until like two years if the updates keep coming the way they are (STOP THAT WOULD ACTUALLY BE SO FUNNY.... like hello if you want to unlock the rest of the story you either gacha $pin for it or you imagine it yourself love ♥️😗) talking about this makes me wonder what the other worlds might look like....

your followers are just here to witness us planning our co-op date sjsjdkdjskz. speaking of,,, hehe. i have some fantastic news. i’m at ar level 11 right now and co-op unlocks at level 16... i might just reach that tomorrow (today for you) so i’m just saying hehehehehehehehehehehe.... 😏♥️

BOWL CUT. my cutie little baby. also mullet? sounds nice omg you will probably rock that look... 😳 i’m a non mullet supporter but if cluna has a mullet then call me a yeehaw mullet lover i suppose. can’t believe my wife is a cowboy. OMG YEAH IT MUST FEEL SO NICE your head went bzz bzz. how long did it take for them to accept it? and yeah god ikr some people take hair so seriously which is fair but also i’ve never understood it... like it grows out..? wow you really went from a ballet girl to punk rock style huh. i feel like you’re the both sides of the ‘she was a punk she did ballet’ meme.

memo fic is a jealous fic? mmm smells good. I FIGURED jshdjdkhsjs slow songs are just not your forte, huh? rip. langst is the best yet worst thing ever tbh. and YEAH I DO we’re truly 🤝 ok literally mood sometimes it’s just nice to talk about how much you love a character through another character in a fic yk? so what if this 2k fic contains 1k words about how beautiful oikawa looks? it’s what iwa feels <3 (YOU’RE LEARNING!!!!!!! THATS SO EXCITING!! i guess you just have to drive me around, huh?)

oh i’m in love i’m with that fic my girl. and i knew about that spoiler it’s kind of hard to miss it since it’s everywhere skdhdkdhdk... god, that sounds so good thank you for sharing it. pining iwaizumi hajime >>>>>>>> the air i need to exist 🥺

THE DAY IS SO SOON CLUNA, it’s literally here soooo soon holy shit i just can’t wait. i played for almost 6 hours today in a row like an idiot and now i never wanna see hilichurls again in my life but hey, one step closer to my baby. prepare yourself.. 😏

AWWW i had a feeling you’d be a tea person. but omg tea effects your sleep? how late is too late for you to drink it? what’s your favorite flavors? 👁 and i’m addicted to both shdkdhsks. i say addicted bc i literally have 6 cups of tea per day easily and like.. 1 or 2 coffee cups per day. it’s really bad but i can’t stop so.. 🙇🏽‍♀️

COLLEGE BOYFIES CLUNA. COLLEGE BOYFIES WITH DIP DYE HAIR. imagine them doing each other’s make up and nails before going to concerts together. imagine xiao in euphoria kind of make up. holy shit. here’s something for your overwhelmed heart jsdhjshska. xiaoven soulmates girl, no doubt about it. THE EDIT THE EDIT THE EDIT!!!! they just look so beautiful. we need scenes with them like Asap. the edit is based on a fic... notes down.

can’t wait to see your screenshots. super excited!!

xo, m.a. (i almost wrote my name down in a haste shshskdjdk... although you’ll find it out soon...)

hiya!! i slept alright~ ahaha

:o that’s smart! but no i don’t LOL whether i’m on my phone or my laptop i just continuously scroll up and down fhdskjfkhsdf i think that’s why i come close to missing some paragraphs some times oops. yay for the ~wonders of technology~

(AIGHT NICE AHAHHA fhsdkjfsh does that mean you’re a bit of a tomboy?) actually coincidentally i came across this thread: https://twitter.com/maxatsuomi/status/1350145589296685057 which gives you an idea lmao (also some things on there i wasn’t even aware of wtf) EXACTLY??? it’s even worse when non content creators try to come for content creators like?????????/ um you’re getting all this food for FREE and yet?????? lmfao the nerve of some people

i def will!! FKJSHFDSKJ yeah that do be their dynamic lolol. and thank you!! i too think i snapped on that one 😩😩 glad others agree ahahah

i actually haven’t really seen him in combat... and when we could trial him i was too busy trying to pass the quests to focus on how he fought fhdkfhsdkfjshf but i do think his abilities are cool!! he have wolf above head 🥺

YEAHHH BOYEEEEEEEEEEE god that reminds me of a scene from a drarry fic (What We Pretend We Can't See wink wonk)

oh damn!! hope they restock soon for your sake~ yissss ive watched a playthrough and omg lev.... my Son. i don’t think i can find the memes again but it was just about the bugs like how if you throw a grenade on the highway everyone will run out of their cars like a flashmob or something hfskfhsdjfkds. (LMAOOOOO) there’s actually a trailer with the other worlds! https://youtu.be/TAlKhARUcoY (it has spoilers tho supposedly lol. none we understand rn at least)

hdsfkhjs. omg you absolute legend!!!! but i also hope that you’re taking care of yourself and prioritising the important things too fhsfhdksdhf. but i am excited hehehehehe

AHHAAHKFHDSKJFSD pls... once i saw someone with an actual proper mullet on the bus and i was like “ew... keith would look like this irl?” FJSDHKFSAHKDASHDFSDJFKJFDSHFKJS. but what can i say i got influenced by all the kpop bois 😔 and hmmm idk? i think my dad didn’t care too much but ik my mum did/does fhsfskfsdfhkf so who knows lollllllllllllllllllllllllllllll. IT REALLY DOES GROW OUT LMAO LIKE. fhkshkfsdkj my cousin called me a rockstar when she saw it LOL so you’re prob right 🤪

yeah slow songs really just. aren’t LMAO ‘behind this mask of mine’ was based on a slow bts song and i put it in the playlist i had for it (bc obviously) but i wanted to skip it every time hfksjdhfskjdfhskfdkfhkslfhadksfjsdjhfkashkfjsdh. EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!! you are so correct. (hehehe i was gonna say that too that you don’t need to drive bc it’ll take you around 😏 LMAO)

fhkdsj thank!! legit pining iwa.......... more like pining ME mayhaps i just be self projecting 🤪🤪

lolol dw i can fight the hilichurls for you 😩 also who’s your fave enemy to fight! i used to like fighting the treasure hoarders most but the hilichurls are cute.. FHSKJDHFSDFKJSD plus i need their fucking masks my god why are their drop rates so shit hfsdhjfks

i’m not too sure actually? i’ve never been up early enough to test it but i like drinking tea like after dinner... which is the problem AHAHA. hmm well i like matcha a lot LOL but also chai? and then like black tea.... all the other ones too... i used to drink some fruity ones which were nice but we have a lot of the like basic chinese ones at home too and i enjoy those as well lol. wbu?? omg.... m.a........... dfhksdfkjhfkjshfksjd that’s a lot!!!!!!! do you even need to drink water then HKDSJFHKSDFHDKDSHFJKSDH

omg............. ive never seen euphoria LOL but ............. omg ...................... i cannot process thoughts rn.....

xoxo!! c.r. (you mean bc we’ll be playing co-op? you don’t have to if you’re uncomfy fhdskjf my genshin name was literally ‘aether’ up until yesterday FHDFHSDKFSDFJSHFKSDF)

#marriage anon #wowclunaanswers #long post

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shirts181 · 4 years

Text

Random life vent

I remember being really happy as a kid/teenager, everything was awesome, always had friends and family around and did cool stuff, didn’t overthink about anything just lived my life as it came day by day. Not anymore. Before i dive into this, there’s going to be so many things im going to miss or havent remembered thats probably vital or important in relation to what im saying and as im re-reading over it ill realise i havent added something so yeah just a heads up, im a guy in his mid 20′s, majority of this my friends now dont even know about and i couldnt even imagine trying to explain all this shit to somebody i know, i guess thats why im here lol, i want to add and not sure if its related to how i turned out or not but growing up i was always on the shy side, wasn’t super shy but like when i would do shit like do a class presentation by myself id always go red and blush and sometimes get teary, not that i was sad or upset, id just get fucking teary like a dickhead lol, would use my hands when i talked and just overall looked like a nervous wreck. I was comfy around friends and family, could do whatever, didnt really care, if anything i felt like an extrovert around them, but when it came to being in situations i didnt know anybody, i plainly would just say nothing, not make an effort to really engage in conversation, just lay back and wait for that situation to be over til i was with my friends. If somebody approached me id obviously talk to them and whatever but rarely would i be the person initiating anything like that, was a bit of a idiot like that growing up lol. I’ve always been the person who wanted everyone to be happy, i was always oblivious to how other people like my friends had family or whatever issues growing up and the REAL impact it has on them, like divorced parents or they dont know their mum or dad or whatever that stuff, i knew people with depression and anxiety growing up and i was always open to talk to people about it, i LOVED being the friend to speak to if anybody was feeling like shit or wanted to vent, it made me feel really appreciated and id been given this trust to listen to what they have to say, like i might be able to make them feel better about what they had to say regardless of if i could properly help/change their circumstances and problems, but maybe put a smile on their face and make them laugh and let them know it’ll be ok without even being sure if it would, but i never would say that and 100% know it would be ok, but by saying that it might just give them some hope that things CAN be ok and they then believe it can change for the better. From the age of 16 i was super self conscious, i cared what people thought of me, not that im a super ugly guy or had anything dramatically wrong looks wise or how i was, but more so for me maybe like saying something and somebody over hearing it and me being like “oh fuck i should of said that” because it might sound bad or like having pimples (probably same as every teenager ever lol) or a bad hair day (literally) kinda thing. I cared how people portrayed me, i wanted everyone to know i was just average person who just wanted everybody to be happy, i made conscious decisions on what i said to who and where i said it, clothes i would wear depending on where i was going and who might see me, that stuff was like a necessity in my life, i wasn’t like ocd about that stuff because sometimes id be in situations where i know id be judged but still followed through, but something about me just fuckinggggg hated having somebody look at me a certain way and portray me differently to who i really am. I just re-read that and holy shit lol i sound like an idiot the way i’ve said what i’ve said, this is another thing about me maybe saying something and not accurately making it out to sound how i intend it to sound. Whatever rofl, now the real shit. I got diagnosed by a psych with anxiety when i was 18, this was the beginning of my mental downfall from then to this day. About 6-7 months of solid anxiety i could barely leave my house, was scared for no fucking reason, dont even know why, all i remember is my heart beating like crazy and feeling like i was going to pass out or whatever. This would happen mainly in social situations during and before even seeing others/doing things. I would work myself up to the point of crying, getting hives/being itchy everywhere on my body, nervously shaking and visually just looking terrified. I couldn’t drive properly because i’d get panic attacks and id feel like im about to pass out and i cant escape cos im trapped inside a car, traffic was the worst especially when i was alone, there was numerous times that i fucking cried in my car before and after id pull over to relax myself, how stupid is this shit? Why does this happen to people, how does this shit happen to ME, i dont even get why this all is even happening, im not an unhealthy person by any means so im not sick and didnt have symptoms of any illness, wtf is going on. How the fuck do i get over this, ended up seeing a psych because i had no idea wtf was wrong with me, bring in my diagnosis of having anxiety. While i was at home, i would hardcore grind out games on my computer, it made me feel normal and not like absolute shit, dont know why but at the time thats all that made me not feel like absolute shit and scared of being outside in the world. I took pills for this, tried to be active by exercising, playing sport and making an effort and forcing myself out of the house. At the start it was absolute torture, i didn’t ever think i’d get over this, it was that bad. I was on medication, couldn’t tell you what one because i just dont remember and never payed attention to medication names etc. Fast forward 6-7 months, i am actually feeling ok, i apply for jobs, go to job interviews with ease, im actually feeling really good like im making improvements in my life and progressing correctly by taking the next step, something i wouldn’t of thought of doing months earlier. I ended up getting a job and it was like a weight off my shoulders, i was excited, my parents were super happy with me for how far that i had come, i felt good as, potentially like im on track to success in living my life and being able to feel good again. As i got this job i was confident in going out and felt like i could properly just do shit, like i could be me again. This lasted about 15 months, i was ok to drive, i NEVER had a panic attack during this 15 months, i felt good af, when i drove i would even laugh at myself be like “why tf was i panicking? why was i such an idiot and getting worried over shit that cant and wont effect me and make me feel scared? why would i care about those things”, even in like social situations same thing, it was great. It all started to come back, slowly it like bloody crept its way back to being bad, but at this stage i was in denial, i was like na i can get over this i dont need to see anybody, but realistically i probably needed to. To this day i’ve never seen a psych about it, for the last 4-5 years ive almost just adapted to knowing im going to have panic attacks and feel like shit, iv learnt to cope and deal with it myself, the thought of me taking pills for this again scares me, why would i want to take pills to get better again when once i feel good, come off them, id get back into this state of mind and feel anxious again, and then repeat, why the fuck, seriously, why the fuck would i put myself into this potential scenario, i say potential because its a possibility, but thats not a risk im willing to take, people get addicted to this shit, ultimately what im trying to say is i dont want to be that person that gets reliant on taking pills to just having a functioning mind that doesnt make me feel scared and afraid, why cant i just shake this off? is there something im not doing? wtf is the cure to this shit? i know its not the pills because i dont want to become reliant on medications to make me happy. Im pretty convinced im depressed too, iv had serious thoughts about suicide, but i dont think im somebody who could actually commit to it, and if i was, i would probably make the decision to speak to somebody, but im stuck in a mindset where im not going to die from it, but i feel like shit all the time, i dont want meds, i dont know how to fix where im at pretty much, theres things that have happened to me the last couple years which have convinced me im a bad partner in a relationship, not for things i do but for what i unintentionally didnt do, im not a fulfilling boyfriend, ive either never obviously met the right girl for me or im just not fit to be a boyfriend, and thats what i think, how can somebody commit to me but im to stressed and worried about how my commitment to them might not be enough? the constant worry of not being a good boyfriend, when all i really want is for everything to be ok and happy, not that if things arent good or happy that thats a bad thing, i totally understand not everything is perfect and there are shit things that happen to people or in the world thats always going to happen, but i feel like, mainly with my last ex girlfriend, i felt like i was in a competition half the time to compete and get reassurance i was being a good boyfriend because i didnt know anything else, i was locked into this relationship i felt i couldnt escape, i so badly wanted out but was sucked into the mindset that if i left id have nothing and couldnt be with anybody because shes the only one who would be with me cos she already is, how the fuck do i overcome this, how do i get out? Its been a year since she ended up breaking up with me and pretty much for those reasons, i wasn’t up to par with her standards, i wasnt her dream boyfriend, for somebody who accepted my past issues with anxiety and letting her in on all my personal shit, if somebody who i thought cared for me leaves me, how could i ever convince or even get another girl to be with me knowing i have this weight and baggage of being a potential let down and not being able to be the person she needs me to be? Writing all this i thought id feel better but i kinda still feel like shit. I weighed up deleting this, i had it all highlighted ready to backspace and alt f4 this but fuck it i might regret not posting this, i guess thats why im here anyway. If you read all this sorry for the random bullshit, i re-read it and i sidetracked myself hard from what i was originally going to say but im kinda tired and was literally just typing anything that came to my mind andddd yeeeeaaaahhh.. peace

#anxiety #depression #latenightthoughts #venting #myreality #mylife #imisstheoldme #shellberightmate #bullshitery #mentalsuffering #mentalhealthissues

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derpyslurpy-da-derp-master · 5 years

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All the personal asks plz

Alrighty then!

1. Any scars?

Mhm, pretty much all the scars I have are burns. One is from burning the side of my arm on an iron my mom had standing upright that I brushed against trying to reach something on the counter behind it and I’ve got one or two other scars from my culinary class on my hands from trying to put a tray in the oven and bumping it on the rungs above the ones I was putting it on. I burnt my hand day one of actually cooking. Yes I’m a disaster.

2. Self harmed?

Absolutely not. One, I’m too scared of pain, and two, I have uh… An unpleasant history involving someone else threatening self harm to make me do what they wanted, so… It’s a really sore spot for me.

3. Crush?

I honestly have no idea.

4. Kissed anyone?

Nope

5. Coke or Pepsi?

Neither they make me physically ill

6. Someone you hate?

There’s a LOT of assholes at my school but the person I hate the most is probably my dad for reasons.

7. Best Friends?

Mhm! I’ve got a handful on this site but my IRL best friend is @theansweris-a. She doesn’t really get on tumblr anymore but if you’re reading this I love you friendo and have a good day! :D

8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?

hahaha fuCK NO. I’d rather not get addicted to something that can and will kill me and throw my money at people to sustain it. If someone offered me either I’d probably flip them off whilst slowly backing up and getting tf out of there because NO.

9. What’s your dream job?

Author/Illustrator with some VA work and Video Game directing on the side.

10. Ever been in love?

I have. It was with someone I didn’t have a chance with and who would be an absolutely awful lover to me since we weren’t compatible emotion-wise so I let it go. It was hard, but I did it.

11. Last time you cried?

Last Sunday trying to explain to my mom why our preacher and the church we go to has completely fallen out of my favor for it’s very loud blatant ‘LGBT people are bad abortion is evil insert other white conservative stuff here’ ‘cause she doesn’t know I’m LGBT+ (and it’s going to stay that way) and I was trying to explain to her why I would never say invite my LGBT friends to church because they would be mercilessly persecuted by people who call themselves followers of God then spit in his eye by doing the exact opposite of everything he’s asked of them. Yes I still feel really strongly about this.

12. Favorite color?

Cyan!

13. Height?

How coincidence, I just got it measured today! 5′6, FINALLY OFFICIALLY TALLER THEN MY MOM MUHAHAHAHAHA

14. Birthday?

November 17th!

15. Eye color?

Milk chocolately-brown

16. Hair color?

Dark brown

17. What do you love?

this is so open ended hjkfjfjkhgkjh okay then I love girls, video games, anime, writing, drawing, reading, and animals.

18. Obsession?

My top 3 in order of obsession; Kill La Kill, RWBY, and Kingdom Hearts.

19. If you had one wish, what would it be?

For every single illness, disease, syndrome, disorder, and so on to have a cure. From Cancer to Asthma. Both because I have so many incurable diseases/disorders and because I know there are people out there who have things so much worse than me in that department.

20. Do you love someone?

I love all my mutals, friends, and most of my family including extended family.

21. Kiss or hug?

I’ve never been kissed so I don’t know anything about how that would be so I’d say hug because I love hugs!

22. Nicknames people call you?

Derpy, Slurpy, D-Slur, Resident Cinnamon Roll (That’s my actual nickname on a Revue Starlight discord)

23. Favorite song?

this is like asking me to pick my favorite child uhhhhh… This Life Is Mine by Jeff Williams, it just means a lot to me.

24. Favorite band?

i know no bands by name

25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you?

….Okay, uh, this is gonna be really hard to decide because a LOT of bad things have happened to me. I’ll go with the more physical choice because I’d rather not dump too much of my emotional baggage onto yall. One time I was being prepped for surgery and they needed to get the IV in. (for the record I’m shaking pretty badly right now from thinking about this) They had to stab my arm with what they called a ‘Bee sting’ (it wasn’t a bee sting it goes almost down to the bone) that had numbing stuff in it and they were trying to find a vein they could put my IV in but they couldn’t find one (okay now i’m typing really fast so I don’t have to think about this for long) and they kept stabbing my arm over and over again. The thing is I have a serious phobia of needles that sends me into panic attacks, I’ll go lightheaded I’ll lose my hearing and so on. So I was trying to put a brave face on despite my parents not even being there but they would. not. stop. They didn’t give me a break. It was one stab then another then another then another. I was having a full blown panic attack, I was almost crying. Then they seemed to get it. They left me for a bit and my parents came in. My arm started swelling. They HADNT got it. My arm was being filled with whatever my IV was. They came back in with the beesting. They started stabbing me again but on the other arm. I couldn’t keep a brave face anymore after thinking they were finally done. I started to cry and sob and the panic attack I had that day was the single worst I have ever had. It got worse. They missed a vein entirely and instead hit a bundle of nerves. My hand started involuntarily twitching as pain unlike any I’ve ever felt before or until now wracked my arm. I had actual trauma from this, the night after the surgery I kept feeling ghost pains of the stabs in my arms, I had to sleep on my stomach with my arms wrapped around my front just to make them go away. I’m still extremely traumatized of this to this day. I never want to have surgery again. I never want an IV again.

Okay that got away from me there I’m sorry I kinda was having a panic attack while writing that. Anyways moving on.

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?

This is gonna sound cheesy but meeting @theansweris-a. She’s the sweetest and kindest person I have ever met in my entire life and I feel so incredibly lucky to call her my friend, though knowing her she’ll see this and reply with ‘No U’ because we always end up in a shouting match of ‘YOU ARE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING’ ‘NO YOU’RE A WONDERFUL HUMAN BEING’

27. Something you would change about yourself?

I definitely would lose weight. Not because of societies bullshit but because I legitimately want to lose weight so I can actually get strong and build up some muscle, I WANT TO BE ABLE TO OPEN GATORADE BOTTLES GODDAMNIT

28. Ever dated someone?

Nope, I’m closeted and have no interest in even pretending I’m straight by dating a guy, I mean I know some genuinely nice guys (all of them dorks) but they’re all just my friends though they are massive goofballs and I love them very much. (Entirely platonically)

29. Worst mistake?

I… Don’t think you guys wanna know that. It’s nothing bad its just depressing and I don’t wanna be more depressing then I already have been.

30. Watch the movie or read the book?

Depends on which is better, like I’d rather watch the Chronicles of Narnia than read the books because the books are honestly terrible but I’d rather read Percy Jackson than watch the movie because the movies are incredibly unfaithful to the books.

31. Ever had a heartbreak?

Yeah…

32. Favorite show?

Kill La Kill!

33. Best day of your life?

My cheesiness never ceases but the first time I actually hung out with @theansweris-a IRL at the mall. I remember being SO excited for it but also nervous that how easily we talk to each other wouldn’t translate into real life and I remember spotting her walking up and practically shouting her name before running up and giving her a big ol’ hug whilst crying happy tears (I know i’m sappy shut up) and then when we were let loose to walk around we quickly discovered that we clicked almost immediately and incredibly well it was just the best thing ever. Like, in that one day alone we spent six hours in that mall just chatting and buying stuff and having fun and we left the mall with like three different inside jokes despite it being our first time meeting in person since we first met. Hi my name is Derpy and I’m a big ol’ sap.

34. Any talents?

I’m pretty good at writing, I can type really fast, and I can play the harmonica.

35. Do you wish you could ever start over?

Absolutely not. Things are the way they are for a reason, and even though I’ve been through a LOT it’s because of all that that I’m the person I am today and I wouldn’t trade that for the world.

36. Any bad habits?

Yeah, I’m a nail biter.

37. Ever had a near death experience?

Yes actually, when I was 3 or 4 we took a plane to California to visit some relatives and I almost walked out of the air hatch one the way out, I remember this vividly even though it was a long time ago. If it wasn’t for the flight attendant grabbing me before I fell out, I wouldn’t be here today.

38. Someone I can tell anything to?

@theansweris-a and @my-words-are-light, they’re both really good listeners and have helped me through a lot of stuff.

39. Ever lost a loved one?

My Great Grandpa Ritch died shortly after I was born, there’s a lot of pictures of him smiling and holding me while in a hospital bed and hooked up to oxygen.

40. Do you believe in love?

Oh absolutely, 100%. I mean if you know me you already know that I have just ABSURD amounts of love in my heart and I genuinely believe that it exists.

41. Someone you hate/Dislike?

Wasn’t this already a question?

42. Are you okay?

Mostly, yeah. I have some stuff to work on but I’m honestly at the best i’ve ever been!

43. Relationship status?

I’m a Single Pringle

#Ask #Original

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theav0cadobaby · 5 years

Text

Podcast Recs cause I'm listening to too many of them. I listened to most of these in a month.

WOLF 359:

I literally couldn't recommend this podcast enough it's a ride of excitement and stress; twists and turns that is a rollercoaster of an experience. Basically it's about this crew of three plus a friendly AI orbiting the dwarf star Wolf 359, it seems like a fun comedy until shit gets real.

This podcast has frequent stressful situations, a lot of violence, and a lot of near death experiences. It's hard to tag everything.

WE FIX SPACE JUNK:

This podcast so far is really interesting in world building and characters. It's about these two mechanics held in debt by this intergalactic corporation that go around and fix space junk.

This podcast has violence, body horror in one episode, and alien plagues.

KING FALLS AM:

This is kinda like a mix of Gravity Falls and Welcome to Night Vale. The show is told completely through radio broadcasts of the Sammy and Ben show. Though mysterious things (more mysterious than all of the other paranormal shenanigans) start happening and it's just... Great. All of the characters are wonderful and honestly hilarious, I really recommend this one it's sooooo good.

There are depictions of Gaslighting, violence, alien abductions, intense racism from one character though it's very clear that that character is a bad person and it is comedic, homophobia in later episodes, violence against sugar gliders specifically (no I'm not kidding), and one murderous elf on the shelf.

THE INFINITE NOW:

I honestly don't know what the hell goes on in this podcast but like it's pretty cool time stuff so like yeah. Its two hours tops to get through it.

This story is a bit trippy and I honestly barely remember it so I don't have much in the way of trigger warnings

JANUS DESCENDING:

This podcast is good technically I'd say but it's kinda thick if that makes sense. It feels like a chore to watch cause I don't care that much for the characters and they don't talk like normal people which is annoying. But it's still something I think is good. It's about these two scientists going to an alien planet and getting their shit fucked up thoroughly. It's genuinely terrifying at times.

There are trigger warnings in the show notes but this podcast has a lot body horror, violence, and is kinda fucked up sometimes.

TIDES:

Honestly this podcast is the next big thing in my opinion. I really liked the first season it's so interesting and it's like Janus Descending but a lot cooler and more interesting and funny. I'm really looking forward to it's next season! Basically this Xenobiologist (space animal scientist) is stranded on alien planet with intense tidal activity and the podcast is a mix of her complaining about her co-workers, surviving, and talking about the ecosystem. It's super interesting.

This podcast is kinda icky but I love it. There are depictions of small spaces and people who don't like water might not like this podcast.

EOS 10:

This is one of the big ones. It's about doctors, a cook, and an alleged space terrorist on this space station. It's really funny and I love the characters to death. The third season got a bit tricky though cause they kinda had to retcon a character out of the story cause they apparently fired his voice actor. And it gets like.... Super confusing. But still please watch it it's so good.

This story deals with alcoholism and drug addiction, along with violence, terrorism, grief, sexual interactions (though these are brief.) And medical stuff in general.

STAR TRIPPER!!!:

It's like We Fix Space Junk but 100x more positive (not saying that WFSJ is inferior, that's not true at all) and honestly it's like so sweet to watch. Things can get a bit unclear but that's okay. Also apparently the main character is nonbinary so that's great. It's about this fellow Feston who decides "fuck it" and fucks off away from their office job and goes to explore the universe with their ship (who I love btw, she's really nice)

There are occasional moments of violence and implications of sexual situations but overall it's pretty safe I think.

THE PENUMBRA PODCAST:

I haven't listened to the other storyline yet but basically it's about this private detective on mars. It's really gay like... REALLY GAY. This is the epitome of the "podcasts are really gay" posts. This podcast is what they're talking about. Aside from that is has a really interesting plot, stellar voice acting and great characters!

This podcast has depictions of violence, body horror at some point, guns (laser guns though) and abuse (there is a warning before those episodes however.

WELCOME TO NIGHTVALE

This is a genre defining podcast. All of the podcasts I just listed proably wouldn't exist without this and it's actually so good. It's fucking trippy, and it's so much fun. You can tell the creators put so much love and thought into the podcast and it's just amazing. Basically it's a radio show about this incredibly weird town. And if I have to explain it to you, that means you need to listen to it.

This podcast is very existential, and since it's just so weird and all over the place in what's weird it's hard to really tag anything, I apologise, plus it's been a while since I've listened to it.

THE ADVENTURE ZONE:

This podcast is so fucking good, you've probably already heard of it, and definitely of the producers, the McElroy family. It's these three brothers and their dad playing DnD (initially) together and I can't even describe it. But it literally made me cry so hard that I got a sinus infection.

There are depictions of violence, torture during the suffering game arc, there's an instance of bury your gays which I'm not gonna elaborate on cause of spoilers but don't worry about it. And sometimes some innuendos and sexual stuff ("hey thug what's your name I'm about to tentacle your dick" is an iconic line and a good example of that)

UNDER PRESSURE:

This podcast is about a philosophy student going to live in a underwater station and it's a lot of fun and the atmosphere of wet and uncomfortable is really excellently communicated. It's another really diverse podcast (which seems to be a trend with Procyon podcasts)

This podcast is not for people who like small spaces and deep ocean.

THE STRANGE CASE OF STARSHIP IRIS:

Maybe I'm just stupid or this one's hard to keep up on. Nevertheless I really liked the characters and it's just really fun. It's about this crew of ragtag smugglers trying to find out what's up with the former ship of their new crewmate. Featuring a lot of diversity (This is a Procyon podcast) and good voice acting.

BEAR BROOK

This is actually a true crime / nonfiction podcast about the Bear Brook murders. It's rather gory and disgusting at times but really interesting.

This podcast is not for the faint of heart though, it is a true crime podcast, and it does talk about the horrible things that a serial killer can do.

THE BRIGHT SESSIONS:

Basically therapy sessions for those with abnormal abilities. It's really good and the characters are actually so amazing. This podcast does a lot of interesting stuff that really interests me. I haven't finished it but I'm currently pretty far in. I think this podcast has the potential to actually help people with their problems.

This podcast has depictions of gaslighting, manipulation, panic attacks, mentions of torture and isolation, attempted kidnapping, actual kidnappings, depictions of war (this has trigger warnings though), and violence

TIME:BOMBS:

I'm actually sad that this is just a three part series. It's so much fun, and so good. It's by the same people who made Wolf 359 and it follows a bomb squad on New Year's Eve. Highly recommend it cause it's a really quick listen.

This podcast has bombs.

LORE:

This podcast deals with true crime and supernatural stuff and is presented in the classic podcast way. It's also really triggering cause of the true crime aspect but I seriously recommend this. It's genuinely really informative.

This podcast like Bear Brook is not for the faint of heart.

MYTHS AND LEGENDS:

This is a really interesting take on various legends it's a mix of storytelling in a very nonfictional sense that slips into dialogue that's rather interesting. I haven't listened to a lot of the episodes but it's good.

This podcast does discuss myths that were a product of their times so there are depictions and mentions of misogyny, rape and violence, even if I haven't listened to all of it.

MYTHUNDERSTOOD:

Has that same kinda switches in storytelling as Myths and Legends but a lot less coordinated and a lot funnier. Its a lot of fun to listen to the podcast and the hosts are really funny.

These also have the same tw as the podcast before this.

ALICE ISNT DEAD:

This is by one of the co-creators of WTNV it's about a trucker trying to find her lost wife. Ive only listened to the first part but it's really good and I highly recommend it. It's actually like amazing and really captivating. Also terrifying.

This podcast has depictions of intense violence, existentialism, and body horror. And probably more I haven't even finished it.

I'm sorry if I didn't include something in the trigger warnings about these podcasts, but I hope it helps. I've been listening to a lot of them and it's so much fun!

#podcasts #ella rambles #podcast recommendations #im not tagging all of them

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