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[raisevoice]

Website: https://www.raiseyourvoice.net.au/

Address: Peakhurst, NSW, Australia

Raise Your Voice by Lea Baker offers expert vocal coaching, helping students discover their free, authentic, well produced voice.

- What I Do:

I help people find their freely produced, efficient and authentic voice. I love to teach and empower students. Each singer is different, there is no 'one size fits all'. My sessions involve lots of physical and vocal explorations, positive reinforcement and lots of encouragement.

Using actors' voice training techniques, I help singers find freedom through embodying their voice and releasing unhelpful tension.

I believe ‘trying harder’ nearly always leads to vocal difficulties. When vocalists discover the power and range of natural, organic and instinctive sounds, they grow in confidence and ease - often discovering the voice they didn’t know they had!

I help those who rely on their speaking voice for their profession, such as teachers, public speakers and call centre workers (to name a few!), avoid vocal fatigue, become more engaging to their listeners and maintain a healthy voice.

- What I Offer:

Success in learning depends on finding the right Instructor; someone who knows the subject well and understands how you learn. My teaching style is practical, holistic, non-gimmicky, and based on science. Students learn how to sing or speak optimally. Clear specific language and examples are used, leading students on a self-discovery journey.  Everyone has a voice. My job is to help you release its full potential.

Here are the four philosophies I follow:

* Trying harder will almost always lead to a deterioration in vocal improvement. It’s finding the ease in vocal use that is the key. Less is often more.

* The most freely produced and authentic singing or speaking comes from your natural, organic and instinctive voice. Often it's noticing and releasing unhelpful vocal habits & muscle tension to find that voice.

* I believe learning is about self-exploration and discovery, with guidance from your voice coach. Doing what the teacher asks to gain their approval isn’t learning.

* Training at NIDA opened up a whole new world. Using acting voice training helps singers to feel and sense their voice, rather than just hear it.

Why choose me?

* I help the student discover for themselves with guidance and targeted techniques.

* I take the time to understand the mindset of the student towards their voice and address this in my coaching.

* I teach holistically – I teach the whole person, not just their voice.

* Students get clear explanations of the ‘why’ when to comes to voice usage.

* My Teaching is underpinned by a good understanding of the science and physiology of the voice.

* Finding the unhelpful habits or traits of the student and helping them rewire these.

* Experiential learning is key, helping students to discover for themselves, no “pleasing the teacher”.

* Learning is layered. What each particular student needs at this particular time. I don’t clutter them up with lots of ‘nice to know’ stuff - it's not about how much I know, it's about what the student needs to be a better singer, speaker or performer.

* Voice lessons are either online or in person (Covid safe).

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/raisevoice/

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[sageistri]

How do you feel about jimins voice? I’m seeing a ton of discourse around it again and I would be lying if I didn’t think her needs more support

What do you mean "how do I feel about Jimin's voice?"

Why do you think I Stan Jimin? You think I Stan him just because I like his personality or because he's attractive?

If you think he needs "support" that's your opinion but don't go about acting like we should agree with your opinion. You think Jimin is the only Idol who's ever had a voice crack or he's the only Idol who's had a less than stellar vocal performance?

Do y'all even know what an actual live performance sounds like? Real live vocals with choreography would not sound the best 7 times out of 10. Like you have to be a vocal powerhouse with years of extreme vocal training to be able to dance and sing at the same time without sounding off.

Kpop groups do not sing live and the day they do sing live will be the day that they get criticized for their vocals. Y'all only have so much to say about Jimin because he's one of the few vocalists in the k industry who dances and sings live at the same time with his back track not doing all the work for him.

And despite the fact that other idols have had terrible vocal moments, including other members of BTS, Jimin is the only one they think of because he's Jimin.

So get the fuck out of here with that "he needs support" bullshit because if you're going to be saying this then you should be saying the same thing about most idols.

And on the topic of le sserafim, everyone loves to act like these festivals are the standard when it comes to live singing when most of the performers use heavy back track. Le sserafim could have done the same and avoided all this, but they decided to sing live because they also have gotten a lot of shit for using back tracks. And like I said before, I think they should only sing live here on out, not caring what kpop stans have to say. And I'm glad that these girls are not letting y'all tear them down because kpop stans love when idols are visibly affected by the hate.

Not everyone can be Beyonce, some artists are not going to sound the greatest live especially when you take into account the kind of vocals they have. Jimin has spent years singing live, singing the hardest parts of bts' songs when he isn't even the main vocalist (and it goes to show how great of a pull he has and how relevant he is that he's the only member being brought up in these conversations when he isn't even the main vocalist) Jimin isn't a main vocalist, he's a dancer before anything else. But y'all know there's nothing to critique about his dancing which is literally what he's known for and what he is and he's the best at it, so y'all hold on to vocals when he was never marketed as an outstanding vocalist. He doesn't owe anyone anything especially so far in his career.

What makes Jimin's singing or parts popular isn't his vocal prowess, or because we think he's the best live singer ever. We just like how he sounds. People have a lot to say about his vocal tone but still stream his music anyways so who gives a fuck? The critique was never about him sounding bad, they just don't like or understand his vocal tone even if they can't help listening to his music. You like his music for a reason, you bash him online but stream his music for a reason. Jimin always has armys admitting that they prefer his ai covers of other members songs for a reason. I like Jimin's voice and I will enjoy anything simply because he's the one singing it, I just don't understand why y'all can't accept that we do genuinely like his voice. It's ok to not like or understand something but you also need to understand that taste is subjective. It's ok not to like something, but it's weird to act like there's no way others would like that thing, you're not the only person in the world.

Jimin himself have said he takes vocal lessons. I don't think there's anymore support that someone with his tone could get because his voice has changed with time and age and overall he has a very light and airy voice which means he's prone to vocal strain. So if you don't like that then he's not for you. (This whole thing reminds me of Sia and how her voice would break in the official studio version. More singers should do that because I don't think y'all understand that there's all types of vocalists in the world.

Letting kpop stans who have never heard their own faves sing live get into your head is definitely a choice. Because the way y'all discuss his vocals at every turn you would think all his vocal performances were bad, but no Jimin just has a couple bad vocal moments just like every other singer on earth. Let's not even talk about the fact that a lot of singers y'all think sound good live use pitch correction and autotuned mics on stage.

Blinks especially hold on to the encore video or that video from 2018 for a reason. There was never any drag towards his actual performances. No one ever posted a video of Jimin full on performing like crazy or set me free pt2 and said he sounds bads. Jimin has been an idol for years and has done lots of encore performances. Most times idols have bad encore moment because they're not actively performing and because of that they get confused on how to go about it. Encores are supposed to be fun and silly,they are not supposed to sound great but now kpop Stans have ruined these fun moments after a win with their nitpicking. This fixation on encores started in 2022 btw because prior to that no one cared.

Start thinking for yourself instead of letting people whose faves never sing live convince you that someone who does is a bad singer. Y'all let people on social media tell you how to think or influence your own personal opinion and that's the problem.

[piratefishmama]

Crossing the Line | Part 2

For Eddie Munson, it started with a tweet. A random little tweet in his mentions that ignited his incredibly hard to control impulsive curiosity. One of his long-time followers and his best friends little brother, a boy with a love of DnD who only begrudgingly followed him after he recorded one of his campaign sessions and posted it to YouTube, pinged him a mention with a single link in it to Instagram captioned “roast him he’s ruined Crazy Train!”

Michael Wheeler you little shit. He’d get Nancy on that one, Mike’s obsession with roasting people was getting mildly out of hand.

But Eddie was a curious soul and someone had apparently ruined an Ozzy masterpiece, so of course he followed that link, he didn’t even hesitate, even let out a cute little “boop” out loud as he clicked it.

Now. Eddie Munson, could have probably been classed as a bit of a music snob. He wouldn’t go too far with his snobbery, but for some people... it was just an unwritten rule that some people deserved the snobbery to the max. They deserved the shit storm that came with Eddie’s brutal honesty and lack of verbal filter.

And Nepo-babies with nothing better to do than *fix* legendary metal tracks with their top 10 bubblegum bitch bullshittery were 100% deserving of the roasting his bitchiest of little sheep had called for.

Did he go a little overboard over the following week while bored shitless in between customers at his shitty non-chain coffee shop gig? Absolutely. Did he feel bad? Absolutely not. It’d taken him all of five minutes to decide Steve Harrington was the worst.

Even if the nepo baby thing wasn’t enough, he was spotted with a different piece of arm candy every month, he had girls and guys falling all over themselves to get a glimpse from him in their general direction, like, there were articles about fights breaking out in the audience of his shows because fans couldn’t decide which one of them he looked at. He lived in some fancy ass house if his insta photos were anything to go by which no doubt his parents bought for him, he did way too many PR stunts to make it seem like he was a good guy, and while his voice was… okay, it wasn’t bad… passable, it was passable…

It sure as fuck needed to stay in its own goddamn lane.

So, the boredom in between the rare rush thanks to the Starbucks down the street was filled with what could only be described as obsessive online bullying, his ADHD hyper fixated so hard, but no way was he even going to notice it, so Eddie didn’t even feel bad about it. The guy had so many people falling all over themselves in hopes he’d notice them that his measly little insults would probably wind up just buried in the sea of hormones and the occasional desperate “COME TO BRAZIL” hashtag Brazilian flag and several thousand heart emojis.

And just as a fun little topper on the ice cream sundae that was his weeklong bitchfit into the void, a lovely little cherry on top, he covered Crazy Train on his channel. Not just the guitar bits, but he made chords and tabs for the lyrics too, letting his sweetheart sing for him, he never sang on his channel, vocals were just for the band gigs, his channel was primarily game music covers but this one, this one he declared “This is what it’s supposed to sound like” in the intro then rocked it.

Eddie was all about freedom of musical expression, but Steve Harrington could go suck a fat one if he thought he was getting away with ruining a masterpiece with his croony bullshit.

“So” The week after he’d finally put his one sided feud to rest, found one Nancy Wheeler, the instigators older sister sidling up to the counter mid-way through the most boring Sunday shift Eddie had ever worked in his life.

“Wheeleeerr, my sister from the most boring of misters, what can I get you babydoll?” He didn’t even need to ask, and she didn’t actually need to say it, he was already halfway through making her fancy little favourite, a cinnamon hazelnut latte with soy milk knowing she probably only had five minutes before she’d have to bolt again.

“Eddie… why have you spent the better part of a week harassing a celebrity on Instagram?”

“I think you mean an entire week, your little brother released the dogs of war. Aaaand the ADHD told me to do it.” He grabbed one of the little honey buns from the treats display and popped it onto a plate for her “forgive me honey bun?” A pet name AND a treat combined. She rolled her eyes fondly before accepting the free treat. “Why do you ask?”

“No reason.” There was absolutely a reason, but… honestly he brought whatever was coming to him upon himself. Sort of. She'd stand in his corner if shit got real. “I’ll handle Mike, don’t harass celebrities until you’re actually a celebrity, and even then, don’t harass celebrities.”

“It’s not like he’d notice, let’s be honest he has more fans than there are stars in the sky, all of them, and I do mean all of them, fully up for bearing his children.” Seahorse dads in the house! But also, mpreg too, ass babies unite. “It’s not like some rando having a questionably obsessive and lowkey aggressive meltdown over his ‘I’m bored as shit’ experiment would ever grace his radar.”

“I’m just saying Eddie, you never know who you’re going to reach with your online nonsense, if you ever want to get out of this place, you’re going to have to play nice with people from all walks of life, including nepotism babies.” The bark of laughter that erupted from Eddie Munson would have probably insulted most people, but Nancy had known him for years. He was listening, he was, there were just layers upon layers of automatic reactions to get through before he’d visibly take in what you were saying. “He could be nice, you never know.”

“Oh yeah, his royal highness seems lovely. Did you know people used to call him King Steve?” Seemed like the worst person on the planet masquerading as a semi-decent guy. Eddie wasn’t fooled in the slightest. “Your drink, mademoiselle!” He presented her with a large to-go cup filled with her favourite beverage.

“Don’t you have some odd little moniker on your youtube channel?” She asked behind the lip of her cup, before taking a sip and humming in appreciation. Even if he was a little shit, Eddie could make a mean latte.

“That’s a persona, it’s an online personality! People calling me Kas is different, people just called him that cause of how much ass he got. It’s weird, I bet he started it himself and paid his cronies to use it until it caught on.” That was good, maybe he’d pick his feud back up just to lay that one on him. “Seems very nepo baby of him, y’know? Can’t get a good nickname circling so he’s gotta buy one.”

“Wouldn’t his parents have bought it for him?”

“Ohhhh Wheeler good one! Nice nickname, did your daddy buy it for you? Babe, sugar plum, I love you. Imma write that one down for later.”

“Please don’t.” He was already off, and she caught sight of her smartwatch beeping about some meeting she was close to being late for. “Shoot! Gotta run, no more harassing celebrities!”

“I promise nothing!” Ah well, it probably wasn’t that big of a deal that Steve Harrington’s best friend had DM’d her, probably not a big deal at all, probably meant nothing... probably.

Part 4

[symbioticfic]

Producing Pleasure: Prologue

(Main story of Idol Alternate Universe)

Tags: Original Characters, no smut, just a teaser, an intro to the world

This is an alternate universe. Some events may differ from real life.

Thanks to @twice-inamillion The Company series for making me revive this idea from the drafts. Check out their awesome work on their blog.

-------------

“What?!”

“I said, I want you to produce our new girl group.” Mrs. Kwon repeats herself. You rub your face in disbelief, hoping your CEO is joking.

“With all due respect Ma’am, I’m already a leader of a group and you put me in charge to become our group creative director. That’s quite a lot. Why not choose Eunji or Keenan for the job?” you plead your case. All your focus is for your co-ed group, Twelve Six, along with Eunji and Keenan. With being creative director for your group and sometimes groups under your label, you don't want more stuff in your hand.

“Well, Eunji is also helping out as a composer for Phoenix. And Keenan is broadening our A&R connections. We may be an up and coming label in this industry, but we are still short staffed.” Slumping back to your chair, gears in your brain are working hard to find a way out of this.

“Then why don’t you hire someone who has experience doing this kind of stuff? I know you have the money to find one. If the three of us are spread thin like this, when are we going to make music?”

Mrs. Kwon always says that the three of you were geniuses and is the reason why OTB is the rising star of companies in Kpop. Take Shamrock for example. A thirteen member boy group and the first idol group under OTB. You recommended a talented Japanese street dancer that you used to battle and Keenan found a genius kid producer online. Both of them become important members of Shamrock. As for Eunji, she trained OTB’s first GG, Phoenix in vocals. With her and her sister, they composed and produced music for the five member group, resulting in them competing in the Red Sea of girl groups right now. Also not to mention, your group Twelve Six. Your group’s music is able to breakthrough the public listeners. Decades after the last big co-ed group, finally Twelve Six changed that. Now, Korea sees Twelve Six as “Music for the people” because of your group penmanship and music move and touch many people's souls, not just in Korea but also the world.

“Because I trust you and I see potential in you to be a great producer.” there she goes again, putting huge faith in you. Ever since joining your label, Out of The Box (OTB) Studios, you have been one of her favourites. As an experience street dancer and performer, also having a brain being a portal to fantasy world says Mrs. Kwon, she has pushed you to the limits. She even goes as far as creating you a co-ed group with her youngest daughter Kwon Eunji and a Korean American rapper named Keenan Shin. The three of you were born on the same day and year, the twelfth of June, hence the name Twelve Six comes from.

With all the money in the world and full trust on you, Mrs. Kwon will do anything to help you to become one of the greatest artists in K-pop. But you doubt your ability if you are given another responsibility.

“Listen, Choi Sesang.” you sit up straight as your CEO calls you by full government, “Just please look into this file and consider it.” a brown file is presented in front of you. Reluctantly, you take it and open it. The first name on the paper almost made you jump out of your seat. You flip through the pages and surprisingly most of the names are familiar to you.

“Ma’am, there are-”

“Yes, they were idols. Some had troubles with their past companies and ended their contracts, and some I bought them out of their contracts.” bloody hell this rich woman. Her way of using money to get what she thinks is the best for the company still baffles you even after years knowing her, “They deserve a second chance and I know you’re up for the job. And rumour has it, you have your ways with girls.” she gives you a teasing look.

“Your daughter really has a nasty mouth, you know that?” Mrs. Kwon laughs at you cursing her youngest daughter.

“I don’t care if what Eunji implied was the truth or not. But I do have my own eyes.” she says after calming herself, “Your relationship with the Phoenix girls is admirable. They see you as a brotherly figure and a safe space to talk to. Those girls are strong minded and some are hard to get through, but you easily befriend the girls. That is enough for me to know you’re the right person for this project.” you look down to the file in your hand, taking in all what Mrs. Kwon says. A heavy sigh escapes your lips.

“Okay, I’ll do it.”

“Splendid!” she claps her hand in joy, “Also, there is one thing I need to tell you.”

Here you go, the catch in all of this, “Doing this job means you have got out of your way to get the job done. I know you are a good kid and have been staying clean until now. But sorry to say son, you have to get your hands dirty with this one. It's part of the industry, the system. No matter how long you try to avoid it, your time will come.”

Saying those words with a beaming smile so easily creeps you off. Well, a CEO of a K-pop company is not exactly the most morally right person in the world. Mrs. Kwon has always been brutal when it comes to business and you are led into one of her traps. Situations like this remind you where Eunji gets her nasty personality from.

Defeated, you know there’s no way out of this. Your fate has been sealed by the devil. Already, you try to drown your mind to come to terms with this twisted system. With heavy heart, you look straight at Mrs. Kwon. You can see insanity behind her eyes.

“So… do the job by any means necessary?”

“Correct! There you go, already getting a hang of it.” it’s supposed to be a laugh of joy for Mrs. Kwon, but it feels like she’s laughing at you. Soon enough, you will be playing with people's lives just like her.

“The girls will be coming in next week. Prepare yourself, mind and body. I have a feeling you will like them.” with a smirk, she leaves the room. You groan as you throw yourself back into the chair. The dreaded day is near. By next week you will become one of those industry scumbags. You love performing and singing, but you despise the industry. Being in it long enough to know stuff. The girl that you will be working with surely also knows a thing or two.

Thinking about your doomed future only makes you mad at yourself. Feeling suffocated, you pack your stuff and go home, not before leaving a text in the group chat.

Chat Room

Three silly peas in a pot

You

@Enzy your mother is a fucking witch

Enzy

WHAT THE FUCK?!

I mean you’re not wrong

But still…

WHAT THE FUCK?!

THAT’S MY MUM YOU PRICK!

K.S.

LOL 😂

Dorms now

I need this juicy story 👹

_ _ _ _ _

Three days since you operate as the main producer for OTB’s new girl group. You’ve met with the company staff and instructors over the week to discuss the training program. These three days have been orientation and waiting for the rest of the girls to join the company. Today is the day where they all finally present and training will begin to ramp up.

You arrive at the company at eight. Not wanting any problem, you do a morning check up every day just to make sure. After doing that, you take a sip of your black coffee while looking through the girl's profile again. You seriously can not wrap your head around the names on the list. Mrs. Kwon really is a crazy businesswoman for getting these girls to become trainees again in your company.

“Damn they’re hot.” startled, you almost spilled your hot coffee onto the papers. You look back to see Keenan peeking over your shoulder. His curly dark brown hair really needs a cut. It almost pokes your eye.

“Could you not sneak up on me like that?”

“You’re the one who’s busy staring at these profiles.”

“Hey!” he takes a seat next to you and slides the file over to him. You let him be, as you need a break from reading those papers over and over again.

“Still can’t believe they are trainees here.” Keenan says.

“Me too.”

“Mrs. Kwon is one damn good negotiator.”

“You can say that again. It’s like a person playing DnD and always rolls Nat 20 on persuasion.” Keenan laughs at your cheeky joke.

“Yeah… so, which one you gonna fuck first?”

“I- what?! Bro, shut up.” you punch his arm only for him to laugh even more.

“Come on, seriously bro. There are some hot chicks right here. If I were you, I would try every single one of them.”

“But I’m not you dumbass. I’m not some guy who will fuck every girl he sees.”

“Not yet.”

“Fuck off.” Keenan's laugh now turns hysterical. He’s always been like this. Being from Brooklyn makes him more frontal than your average Korean. He’s been teasing you since both of you met. With your ability in speaking English, you bonded easily with him. You also help him get accustomed with his homeland culture. But it seems you can’t take Brooklyn out of Keenan.

You take back your file from Keenan and walk off, “Ay! Where are you going?”

“Training is almost starting! I’m needed in the dance room!” you shout back at him.

“Okay then! Tell me if you score on one of them!” you don’t look back and flip him off. You can hear Keenan laugh fading as you walk further away from him.

The dance room for trainees is in the basement. Everything related to the trainees are in the basement. Only the ones who debut are the only ones who can experience the freedom of the city view from the artist dance room upstairs. For the trainees, the dark and damp basement is their prison. Some even will never see the day of light from the dungeon. Sound of blaring music can be heard at the end of the hallway. The girls may be stretching right now.

Other than being the main producer for the group, Mrs. Kwon also personally assigned you to be one of the dance instructors. Talk about a burden. It’s not the first time you are teaching a class. During trainee days, you already helped to train the fellow members of Shamrock and Phoenix. It’s just for a few sessions because Shamrock have a capable and experienced dance line and for Phoenix they are natural performers. Not the same can be said for this group. Maybe one or two names stood out, but they are nowhere near the talent as your fellow labelmates when they first join the company. And your part is to train them to be on par to standards.

Standing before the dance room door, you take a deep breath before twisting the door handle. The sound of your arrival alerts the girls. Quickly, they line up in a line with one of them scrambling to turn off the music before joining the line.

“Good morning PD-nim.” they greet you in unison.

“Good morning. At ease.” you say that, but they are clearly tense. Fifteen girls standing in front of you. You recognize their faces with a few unfamiliar ones. Some of these girls had a respectable career as idols. They are without a group due to them being in a project group making their contract length shorter than normal or suing their way out of their contract because of how stupid their company was. Some were in a group that disbanded. Others are trainees from different companies. Now, here they are starting from zero once more.

Knowing you have to keep professionalism, you close your eyes and take a deep breath. Starting today, you will have these girls' fate on strings. Toying with their dreams, giving them false hope. Just like Mrs. Kwon you thought. You open your eyes and give them a big smile.

This is when you notice Mrs. Kwon foul tricks, attacking your weakness: boobs. Most of these girls have sizeable to huge tits. You felt your cock twitch at the sight of the girls wearing tight sports bras, pushing their boobs together. One of them has a big enough bust, it outlines her baggy shirt.

“My name is Choi Sesang. For those who don’t know, I will be the main producer for this debut project as well as your dance instructor. Pleasure to finally meet you all.”

--------------------------

If you made it this far, thank you for reading. Like I said on the top, this was an idea that was collecting dust in my google docs. @twice-inamillion The Company series really got me thinking about this idea again.

I already have a few names for the girls: Chaehyun, Natty, Hyeju, and Xiaoting so far, with the first three already having a rough idea for it.

Recommendations for idol names are gladly accepted with the general prompt of the story would be helpful also.

I know I said a Pokémon story is on its way but that's on hold for now. I have struggles for the smut scene of that story. Wait a little more.

See you next time 😄

[topguncortez]

its been a couple of days since i made the tough choice to cut ties and temporarily walk away from a place that i love really really deeply.

but i’ve had some time to reflect and come to some conclusions about myself.

now excuse me while i vent out loud:

1) the phrase “once an addict, always an addict” is true. just because i don’t take pills anymore doesn’t mean i haven’t found a way to feed the craving of being addicted to something. im not 100% sure what that addiction is; maybe it’s that im a sucker for pain, maybe it’s i can’t walk away when i know i should, maybe it’s fucking caffeine (it’s 97% caffeine).

2) everyone heals and handles things differently. again, back to my past with addiction; some addicts can heal with still being able to be around the thing they are addicted to. i learned a long time ago, i am not that person. i have a hard time knowing when to walk away, but once i do… its like breathing fresh air. it hurts like a bitch sometimes but its also one of the best things for you. sometimes we get so blind with those rose colored glasses on, that we truly can’t see our own faults until we step back and reflect

3) i’m an angry person. i always have been and probably always will be. i’ve dealt with a lot of shitty things in my life. i’ve lost people who didn’t deserve to be taken away. i’ve watched some of the most vile humans get away with horrible offenses. i have been abused and assaulted. i’m angry. and there’s little i can do to shake that anger. however, i can control it. i can lock it away and deal with it in a healthy manner than just let it explode all over the place.

4). God knows what’s best for you. now, i don’t mean to get all religious on yall. i have struggled with my faith for years. I went through a period of time of questioning who God is and what his intentions are. If this great and almighty God sent his son to die to end our suffering… why are people still suffering? I still struggle with my faith, but i am relearning to put my trust in him and know that He is putting things in my life he knows I can overcome.

And finally,

5) never feel bad for doing things for yourself. i have been so well trained to put other peoples feelings above my own. for years, i have bit my tongue and told myself “i can’t say that, that’ll hurt their feelings” and let people continue to roll over me. believe it or not… i hate conflict. i hate awkward situations. i hate feeling like im being suffocated and i can’t breathe. i have become more vocal (good and bad thing) in speaking up when i have been hurt. it’s a slow learning process and sometimes it comes back to bite me in the ass cause i’m thrust into another situation i don’t know how to handle and the anxiety builds and then there’s tears and all that shit. but i have learned i should never feel bad for doing things for myself.

anyway, i know this is just a long ass vent that nobody is gonna read, but i hope maybe, just maybe this reaches someone who has been feeling the same way i have these past couple months.

i know not everyone has a great support system in real life that they can rely on when things get hard. i can honestly tell you that without some of the people in my everyday life and online life being there and helping me and offering me an ear to listen while i vent and scream at the world… i don’t think i’d still be here. but i want yall to know, if you need a place to vent and scream at the world, i am here for you. and i’ll do whatever i can to get you the help and resources if you need it. or if you just wanna get shit off your chest.

i’m here for you.

[enby-iggy]

Im going to try and explain my gender to the 0 people who are paying attention to this blog, because I deserve to ramble a little bit I think

For context I'm afab. I've pretty much always known I wasn't a man, which is a big part of why it took me so long to question my gender at all. I specifically remember seeing the term transmasc online when I was first discovering queer terms and being like "hmm I wonder if that could be me" and then looking it up and seeing it listed as a synonym for trans man and just being like "oh ok then guess im still cis". I didn't start seriously questioning until like. April of this year I think

I don't know why it took me so long to consider the idea of being nonbinary, but it was actually a conversation with some of my trans friends that made me consider it. I remember saying something like "I may be cis but I'd trade my female body for a completely neutral one in a heartbeat" and one of my friends was like "r u sure ur cis lmao". Silly stuff. My whole thing was like, I want a body that looks like nothing, that I can make look like anything. If I want to wear mens' clothes I don't want boobs that get in the way of that. But I want to be able to wear a dress and not have like, idk body hair and a dick getting in the way of that. And I said stuff to my friends like, I don't rly want hormones but Id wear a binder to look more neutral, Id voice train and get my voice deeper, that makes sense right

My biggest hangup was on pronouns, because I was REALLY proud of being a she/her. But I decided, hey I can't knock they/them until I try it right? So I proposed a they/them test for a week, and never looked back lmao. I went through a phase of absolutely despising she/her for a month or two, but I've since made up with the pronoun set as you can see in my bio. She/her and I are good friends now we've settled our differences <3

Putting the rest under a cut for the sake of my 2 followers' TLs not being flooded because I still have much to say

My gender is very multifaceted, but in the physical realm you could call me transmasc. It took me a while to realize but I hate my boobs (or rather, took me a while to realize that disliking your boobs is not normal lmfao), to the point where I very quickly went from "eh I might get a binder for some outfits" to "I NEED to get top surgery". I'm also not a fan of my hips and ass, never have been but I don't think there's much I can do about that one. I also have solid evidence for vocal dysphoria, in that I can remember a specific time as a kid where I learned that your voice sounds deeper to you than it does to other people because of the way you hear it through your skull. This disappointed me GREATLY because I always prided myself on the idea that I had a boyish voice. I do think I'd like to train my voice lower, if possible. Lastly for physical dysphoria I've always had a thing about my height, but I mostly learned to ignore it since boys LOVE to make fun of girls (and other boys I suppose) for their height. I learned to shut it out and make fun of myself as well as a coping mechanism, because it really did and always has bugged me. But what can I do, I've 5 foot even at 19 years old and it doesn't seem to be changing any time soon.

As for my internal experience of gender...I think this low-quality ms paint chart will explain it best.

Basically my gender exists on two simultaneous sliding scales--one of them a distinctly gendered outside-of-binary gender that I'm choosing to call neutrois, because it's an existing term that works for what I'm talking about. The other gender is a female-aligned gender that is distinct from cisgender femininity but is still feminine in nature, which I am choosing to call femme because I hate the words woman and girl and female in relation to my own gender. I can experience both of these scales at maximum intensity--bigendered as both neutrois and femme at the same time--or minimum intensity--essentially agendered, no distinct experience of gender either way--OR I can be some strange combination of these, such as minimum femme and maximum neutrois or half neutrois and full femme, etc. I've found that the strength of ANY gender fluctuates over longer periods of time, in that I tend to feel low amounts of gender for a period of about two weeks, followed by higher feelings of gender for about two weeks, during which the relation of femme to neutrois fluctuates on a daily basis.

As for labels, the best way I can think to describe this is bigenderflux, and also demigirl (or demifemme, as I prefer to call it). But for obvious reasons I usually just call myself nonbinary. I also like terms like librafemme, describing the property of being both agender and feminine, and juxera, describing the property of being feminine aligned in a way that is different from the way cis women are feminine. But it's...hard to label.

The funny thing about this is that it doesn't really line up with my gender expression much at all. There are days that I'm feeling fully agender or fully neutrois, and am strangely in the mood to wear a dress. Or days that I'm feeling mostly femme and want to present like a boy. So realistically my gender doesn't really have any bearing on anything at all. But I like charting it, because a few months ago if I'd woken up feeling feminine I would have spiraled into a panic about how I must be faking being trans. But this allows me to understand myself and predict how I'll feel so I know that when I feel a certain way, that's normal and part of who I am.

I feel like I had more to say in this post but I guess this is purely a gender summary. Now you know I guess

[levyfiles]

Since it happens a lot less frequently now, I have less cause to say it but one train of thought hits me every time an anti decides to start a misguided crusade all "hurricane in a box" style. The train of thought follows the memory of all the fans in the past who made it their most important mission to shame, bully and harass anyone who participated in fan spaces for themselves; not the creator. Who didn't follow a subset of rules they just made up.

What I think about is how content must have seemed to them, the deeper they got into it. Every time Ryan or Shane would do something particularly fond for each other, I'd see at least twenty comments spread out on the video, in the tag, or even in the Twitter mentions going "Ahh, the shippers are going to be SO ANNOYING about this".

And were we? I mean if I were an anti, and I was thinking that and my first thought is to hate-scroll through my blog. I remember posting on my own blog, reblogging from the shyan tag, posting in the shyan tag, cackling in group chats. There was a while there when some antis liked to screenshot things we said on our blogs or on servers (some who were lurking in group chats) declaiming how annoying and twisted and creepy we were. It didn't really get anything done. It annoyed a few people but we moved on because the content continued to be fun; the guys kept doing their thing and having fun doing it.

My point is that every time one of these righteous crusades bombs, I catch myself thinking about what it must be like for that anti. To watch something and to be thinking about how someone else is receiving it, how that someone else is someone I have an irascible hatred for is probably somehow going to have more fun with it than I ever could. Because I'm so busy receiving each moment, teeth clenched that it might vindicate someone having fun in their own spaces when I've explicitly said It's Wrong.

And it's like? Yeah, of course, I'm not having fun. Every time Ryan or Shane makes some dumb joke about how close they are or their body language shows fans just why these two started a company together, that would be intolerable to me because I'd be thinking so hard about how much a stranger online probably liked that more than they're "supposed to". Work husbands??? Why did they say that? Now the shippers are definitely enjoying the content and I'm uncomfortable because I gotta think about the implications of the phrase "Work husband" and between my irl responsibilities, have to craft some reasoning as to why homosocial male friendships are a bitter victim to the love spectrum.

I'd get so bored; the content wouldn't bring me any joy. So imagine how that person who decided to make a second blog to craft a 2017-era "breaking my silence" call-out post about Simone is going to experience content now. They won't be able to so much as make it through five minutes of a video without thinking of every single damn fan who told them their post was dumb and how much more fun y'all are going to have as the social media posts get all the more funnier; how Simone's fandom origins give her a good and easy insight into why we enjoy Watcher. Every time there's a promo and it becomes obvious that thanks to Simone's hard work editing clips she knows we'd like, the bloopers are a fans smorgasbord lol.

In the end, is it ever really a surprise why vocal antis leave fanspaces? They dive bomb into spaces to start a fight instead of making friends and end up with a bitter scar that ruins the content for them.

Best I can say is RIP, ya know?

[finnoahsource]

I’ve been saying that the cast isn’t icing him out for so long, and I’m glad to get confirmation of it. Honestly I think they did the best thing by not talking about it online or vocally defending him because it’d only drag them into the mess and keep the hate train going. The best way to make people calm down is to offer Noah in person support and friendship, and to just mention him in interviews normally, as if nothing happened. That way people can get used to hearing his name without controversy attached. It’s nice to see Caleb and Gaten saying that stuff though. It’s an FU to everyone saying they weren’t friends, and Caleb has always been supportive of Noah. It wasn’t going to stop now. Social media doesn’t tell the whole story

I definitely agree, it's always the best call (in the industry's eyes) to let time pass, so I always expected exactly what happened, to happen. people LOVE to assume they know what's going on because they project that celebs have the same mindset as them but that'll never be the case 😭 celebs are on a different planet. noah was always getting support in person and I'm just glad to get glimpses of proof of it til they start posting behind the scenes content where we see them all having fun!

yup them casually bringing him up in interviews is a great thing, and I enjoyed the fact there was no hesitation or awkwardness, they both just carried on as normal because nothing is wrong lmao. hoping to see more (not to be biased but I'd love another noah mention from finn just because he's always so kind) as we go because more time passing will allow for it :)

I've been saying it for months now but what would really cure me is some pics or videos of noah being hugged by the cast, as more positive confirmation sure, but also some friendship content 🙏 I miss them all so much

[heavenlycloud]

meet the users: the angels .ೃ࿔﹢࿐ ☆

huh yunjin (lyra)~ @ jenifrmtheblock

❀ vocalist and dancer who trained for 4 years before debuting in le sserafim. she’s the ‘middle child’ of her group and the supposed reason for sakura’s grey hairs. yunjin’s the funny one in her group just not to her members because they don’t get her american ass jokes. to fans though she’s the american who’s chronically online and borderline an ipad kid so of course she’s fairly popular. instead of actually addressing her feelings she writes them in songs then never thinks about them again.

୧ ‧₊☆彡˚ ⋅﹢

miyawaki sakura~ @ifeelbonita

❀ vocalist and dancer who debuted in japan nearly 13 years ago, then in korea around 6 years ago, and again in korea with le sserafim. honestly, she’s just a tired wine mom with 4 kids at this point. she prioritizes taking care of all of her members and sometimes a little more than herself, but that’s something she’s willing to sacrifice if it means her girls are happy. she’s only been in one committed relationship which is a little disjointed right now, tbh she doesn’t even know what’s going on between the two of them. as the oldest member she’s made fun of for being of the loop on nearly every trend but surprises her members every now and again. 

୧ ‧₊☆彡˚ ⋅﹢

kim chaewon~ @nepobabychae

❀ leader and vocal who trained for 10 months before her first debut then trained again for about 9 month before debuting in le sserafim. sakura knows her best since they’ve known each other the longest. when it comes to her relationships she has none because she’s the most awkward and dorky mf known to man when a pretty girl comes around…so yeah she has no game. what she does have is a staring problem.

୧ ‧₊☆彡˚ ⋅﹢

nakamura kazuha~ @toeshews

❀ dancer and rapper who trained for 12 weeks before making her debut with her members. girlie is an ex-ballerina and her company will not let anyone forget about it…ever. she has literally no interest in dating to the point where she forgets people actually want to date her and laughs when she gets asked out because she thinks its a joke. she’s the second youngest and along with yunjin drains the life out of chaewon like it’s a hobby. sometimes she pretends she doesn’t understand korean so she can eavesdrop on conversations. 

୧ ‧₊☆彡˚ ⋅﹢

hong eunchae~ @ohmymanchae

❀ dancer and vocalist who trained for 6 months before debuting in le sserafim. she’s the youngest and her group’s pride and joy. whenever she does anything her members already have phones out to take pictures while they marvel over her just breathing. eunchae is so energetic it’s like she runs on lithium batteries, but nobody complains. she’s the actual reason for sakura’s grey hairs.

[penny-hartzs]

this is going to be long. i saw ur post about j0sh/rachel and the whole wild “grooming” allegations and i have to say it comes 100% from people shipping rachel with tom and wanting to feel validated by finding a reason to “dislike” her current partner. and we need to have a conversation with twitter’s obsession w white boy x biracial or woc real life shipping.

tom is their white boy of the month. also, if josh was white and a blue eyed conventionally attractive man you’ll see the allegations wouldn’t even exist cuz they would have not problem w the couple. might u, tom is also the same age as josh. i find a bit of racist too but i won’t go there. them just not considering josh attractive enough to be w her so she should be w her white attractive co-star instead.

i’ve been following rachel since 2019 when she was announced as maria in wss because i am a musical girlie and she’s been friends w josh ever since then. 3 years of friendship and 2 years of relationship. rachel is a very friendly. you can tell she befriends people very quickly and isn’t shy about showing that love to friends. the same thing she does w tom now she’s been very vocal to her other friends she holds dear as well. her legit best friend for ages is a man.

those people suddenly being so concerned for rachel want josh to be a ped0 so badly to the point of exaggerating the whole situation. and doing that just shows they want ppl to deliberately hate on josh and ship her w tom. it doesn’t come from a genuine concern. out of all the post i’ve seen wanting to claim she was “gr0omed” they want to make it seem like they started dating during wss when they started dating two years later (late 2021). and i was there to see their friendship to relationship turning point. rachel was 20. both were consenting adults. and josh was also 24/25 not “almost 30” like some say to exaggerate the situation. they have exactly a 5 year age difference. (both born in may).

i feel like so many people see age differences and scream so bad because 21 being the drinking age in the us has twisted their minds. they want to paint rachel as a little girl that had not agency about the relationship she gets in. as if she and her family haven’t been close to him for 3 years prior. i even saw someone say “hope rachel has a good influence in her life that can advice her” girl u dont know those people. why are u making some wild allegations like this. allegations that can ruin someone’s career and entire image. they have been in what it seems to be a really good relationship for 2 years now. rachel’s family is very close with him. and they are very private despite being “public”. they seem to share when it’s needed but keep the relationship mostly to themselves. josh isn’t very active on social media and frankly, i feel like since he is starting his movie career he doesn’t want to be known as “rachel’s bf” cuz people are already calling him nepo bf and that he gets roles only cuz of rachel and he is really talented. and the whole “he doesn’t even support her publicly like tom”. first, tom replied to a post made on his own account about his current co-star. and josh not only isn’t that active on social media but he doesn’t have enough star power yet. they also seem to have two different love languages. rachel is very vocal/physical. he seems more chill. the most important thing is that he was the person with rachel when she was getting mass hated and the fact she even has to clarify (in her 2023 appreciation post) that her bf was there for her is wild cuz people are too chronically online these days and measure love with public postings. and most people didn’t know she was in a relationship until the tgh press tour lmao.

another wild thing i saw from people is saying “they’re in different life stages and that’s weird” well, not really. they’re both in their 20s and embarking in acting together. they both got their first acting job in wss. they’re on the same train and live a life very different from ours.

i get people feeling weird over the fact she was 17 turning 18 when she met him and he was 23. but that doesn’t necessarily meant she was gro0med. not every age different comes from an abusive environment and it’s really weird. and i literally have met people that have been friends for a while and naturally felt in love and have been together for ages. like let’s find ourselves an honest concern to yell about truly.

Thank you for taking the time to write this, you gave me some new perspective on Rachel and Josh's relationship I didn't have and also thanks for sharing your opinion with me!

People on twitter and tiktok shipping women with their male costars is certainly not a new phenomenon but I've been seeing it grow insanely popular these last few years: from Halle Bailey and Jonah Hauer-King, India Amarteifio and Corey Mylchreest, Timothée Chalamet and Zendaya, Rachel Zegler and Tom Blyth and so on and so on. It doesn't matter that most of these people were/are in relationships with others (and are pretty vocal about it), we're still going to see fancams of the co-stars posing on the red carpet together (with a romantic song as the musical background) and tweets about their 'natural chemistry' are going to go viral again and again.

I think it's absolutely fair to talk about racism when stans are rooting for a woman of color to break up with her boyfriend (also a man of color) and get with her white co-star, but the thing is, most of them know it's wrong, so they come up with other reasons to justify the hate towards their fave's partner: Halle Bailey's boyfriend makes it easy for them, but Josh and Rachel seem to keep fairly to themselves so they had to dig deeper. So on the one hand, I think the weird allegations Josh is receiving right now are based on the simple (and idiotic) fact that people want Rachel to be with Tom. On the other hand it opens up a huge topic of conversation about age gaps in couples, and especially in Hollywood. I personally believe that five years apart is a perfectly appropriate age gap between a couple and I have no idea how Rachel and Josh are supposed to be in 'different stages of their life', since they are both upcoming actors, starred in the same successful movie and are in their early and mid twenties. I dont understand why it's even an issue for anyone and tbh I find it disheartening that Rachel has such lovely things to say about him and seems to genuinely love him very much only for her fans to call him a groomer and wish for them to break up. Grooming someone is a serious, dangerous thing and if online users keep using those words for situations like Rachel and Josh, they'll end up losing all meaning. Lastly, I know social media is a huge part of our lives, but I still find it completely stupid to judge anyone's relationship on their instagram and twitter activity. Have we learned nothing from those men who post their wives on their main page while simultaneously sending dick pics to models?

Let's end it with a pic of them, because they're cute and it's almost christmas

[boysplanetrecaps]

Build Up Episode 0: Getting to Know the Boys Part 3: Team Power

Hey, friends! Welcome back to this crazy project I set out for myself -- writing up a bit about each of the 40 contestants on MNET’s Build Up before I dive into the recaps. Last post, I covered Team Soul. This post will be about Team Power. Let’s do it!

Same caveats apply: 1) I’m pressed for time, so proofreading will suffer; please be kind! 2) screencaps will be awkward due to technological issues and 3) All of these guys are amazing vocalists; my critique is splitting hairs and just my opinion at the end of the day. 

Choi Haram

I also have almost no information about Haram, except that he’s a musical actor. In his teaser, V08, I Want to Fall in Love  by Johan Kim, he sings in that classical “musical actor” way, which is just not my favorite style of singing. That doesn’t make it bad! He also is singing a ballad. Which does mean it’s bad! Ha ha, jk.

I'll do my best to evaluate him even though the song is a ballad. I'm a hero, right? His soft tone he uses in the verses is just too breathy and nasal for my taste. But I do like the belt on the chorus part -- nice work. This guy definitely knows how to sing. I wonder what he’ll sound like singing more of a pop song. 

Kim Minseo

This is Kim Minseo, 21, who also appeared on a show I’d never heard of called “The Origin - A, B, or What?” It “was a new type of survival program that combines balance games along with K-pop,” whatever THAT means, and it created the group ATBO. On the Wikipedia page for that show, it says that he was born in January of 2003, making him 21 now, and it also says that he lived in China for ten years and can speak Chinese. I wonder if he and Wumuti will ever speak some Chinese together? 

I really, really liked his teaser performance of Rolling in the Deep by Adele (V39), slight pronunciation issues aside. It was actually kind of cute how he sort of just gave up on pronouncing ‘underestimate’ halfway. He has a distinct, real voice that shows some training but also some rough edges. For me, he’s one to watch. Watch? Listen to? Whatever. 

Yoon Inhwan

Yoon In-Hwan, V23, is one of the enigmas of the show -- I have no information about him. For me, his mini audition showed an unpleasantly throaty, nasal, thick vocal color that I didn’t exactly love. He sounded like he had just drunk a whole gallon of milk or something. I don’t know if that’s how he always sings, or if he just was feeling unwell that day or what. As promised, he did have a lot of power, and he also had a good sense of pitch. Hopefully he’ll do better going forward!

Jo Hwanji

I haven’t been able to get a decent screengrab thus far, but Hwanji is the guy in the uniform in episode 1. He’s only 24 -- isn’t that surprising? Before this, he went on other shows called Phantom Singer 3 and Fantastic Duo 2.

He’s another musical actor, but in his teaser song V26 he breaks the musical actor mold by singing an upbeat retro swing song by JYP -- yes, that JYP -- called Swing Baby. I like the song, and I also like the way he sings it. Clean but full, with fun little growls to brighten things up, varied dynamics, impeccable pitch, and the power he promised. Good stuff! He’s also so hilariously square. I mean it literally. He looks like a Pixar character. It’s cute. I'm looking forward to hearing more from him.

Lim Junhyeok

Junhyeok, age 30, debuted as part of the JYP-based k-band Day6 in September 2015, singing and playing keyboards. In late 2015, it was revealed that he’d been chatting with a female fan online, and that they might have been dating. The controversy built, and he felt obligated to leave the group in February 2016, getting to enjoy less than six months with the group. God, that must have been just heart wrenching for him. I can’t imagine.

Afterward, he joined another band called Be Blossom, but stayed only about a year. Since then, he was on a survival show called The Unit, which was about rebooting debuted idols’ careers. (A few other contestants of Build Up also went on The Unit, too.) He also continues to compose music, which I think is actually his first love. 

His teaser song performance, V05,  was I Love You by Shin Hyo Bum, and you can see in the silhouette that he’s playing the keyboards as he sings. I didn’t love his performance, unfortunately. It felt a little shrieky to me at times, and his softer notes were a little too breathy for my taste. He definitely belongs in the Power group, though. He can sure belt when he wants to -- it’s the softer segments that challenge him. Maybe it’s just my bias against ballads acting up, as well. 

It’s kind of a bummer, because for whatever reason, I like him. I can’t help but cheer for a guy who (a) was kicked out of his group after six months for dating, like, omg, how dare a young person want to date! (b) is a bit on the older side (c) composes music and plays instruments and most importantly (d) shows up to a survival show in a goddamn hoodie. Like, yes, king. So I hope that I grow to like his vocals better as I hear more from him. 

Side note: The Korean family name “Lim” is often transliterated as “Im” since that’s actually closer to how it’s pronounced. So if you see his family name written as “Im,” that’s why. (Nayeon from Twice has the family name of Lim/Im -- hence her album name.)

Park Jeup

Park Jeup makes himself known by wearing an enormous bow on the first day. It’s just such a choice, when he’s so masculine looking. Own it! Yes!

Anyway, he’s 30, and is a member of IMFACT. He’s been on a bunch of singing shows, as well as The Unit, which would have put him in company with Lim Junhyuk (former Day6) and Hyukjin from Fave1.

His group IMFACT debuted in January 2016 and put out several albums and singles, but none of their songs have even one million views on Youtube. Most of them don’t even break 500,000 views. In 2022, all the members of IMFACT left their agency (Star Empire). The group hasn’t officially disbanded, but the members are listing themselves as soloists. They really weren’t a bad group, and it’s a shame that they never caught on, but it’s just such a crowded landscape. Their song Only You spent some time on my playlist a few years back, and Jeup’s voice in that song is really sweet. 

I tried my best to give his teaser song a try -- he was V34 --  but I just dislike ballads so much that I can’t judge him fairly. Vocally, though, he sounds well trained. He has a surprisingly high pitched timbre considering his appearance. 

Here is a performance he did in 2018, in which he made the MNET reaction editors play the instant replay buttons like a xylophone. I think there was some sort of gas leak in the studio that day, because, yeah, his voice is nice but people are having spasms in their excitement and it’s a bit much. Also, he's singing another ballad so it's kind of a no from me.

A song that’s a bit more palatable for me is this cover of Exo’s Monster on The Unit. 

Jeup doesn’t seem to be the main vocal, but he is the one who sings “I’m sorry…. You make me… so crazy, you know you do.” He also does the higher harmony line/descant/whatever it is over the “Come here girl, you… call… me… monster” line. And he pulls it off!

I recognize Jeup’s skill, technique, and passion for the art. I’m not as sure that I love his timbre for whatever reason. I hope his voice grows on me, in part because I always have a soft spot for hard working nugu idols, and in part because I always gravitate toward the older, more broad shouldered idol types, like Baekho from NU’EST and Wyatt from ONF. Jeup, fighting!

Hyukjin

Hyukjin is 30 and is from a group called Fave1, where he’s lead vocal and lead dancer. He also appeared on The Unit, so he may also know Park Jeup and Lim Junhyuk.

Ok, so his background is kind of sad, fam.

His first group, 100%, debuted in 2012, so he’s been at this a while. There were originally seven members, but two quit, and then one member, the leader Minwoo, passed away in 2018. That had to be so hard on Hyukjin and the rest of the team, to lose not just their friend and teammate but also their leader. The group disbanded in 2021, and three of the four remaining members formed Fave1 at a new agency. So they’re kind of like Loosemble or Vivez that way. 

100% started off doing ok -- their older songs had 1 or 2 million views, good for the time period -- but their more recent songs max out at around 400,000 views. Fave1, unfortunately, is really not doing nearly as well as even 100%. Their songs usually have views measured in the thousands, and their videos look like they were shot on someone’s iPhone. Really, the whole thing is kind of heartbreaking. 

In his teaser, Hyukjin was V22 , and sang a quasi-heavy metal song -- think Dreamcatcher style -- called Lazenca, Save Us. It was a unique choice, that’s for sure! I think he was hoping that it might make a splash for being the guy who did THIS song. I’m not sure how I feel about his performance. I think I need to hear more of him to make up my mind. But I mean, gotta respect someone who comes out of the gate with that! I think his natural voice is not quite as deep and rich as it should be to successfully pull off this kind of thing, but he displays strong sense of pitch and a lot of power. It does gets a bit shrieky and it sounds like he’s hurting his throat. I’m looking forward to seeing what else he can do because I just want to see him succeed.

Ok, that's about it for this post! Sorry if it was a bit of a bummer. So many sad stories in this industry. In the next post, we'll be visiting with Team Unique, and then we'll finally get into the recaps! See you soon.

xoxo

BPR Noona

[nekrotiize]

Speaking again on the Blue Robot Twitter RP thing. Putting this under a cut, since it’s a bit long, and I’m writing this a little more formally than my last rant. I didn’t expect many people to see that, on account of community size, but it occurs to me I should’ve at least put a little bit of protective measures for people to be able to more easily tap in or out of the conversation. It is a triggering one. I apologize to anyone who was negatively impacted. Rectifying it now, though.

Content Warning: Discussion of Fandom Toxicity, False Accusations.

For those unaware, I was the writing team lead from the revival a few years back, and wrote several characters myself (10 mainly, 11 later, co-wrote 01). I was a late teenager for most of that, and I became something of a scapegoat for people’s complaints of everything wrong with the revival, despite not actually being the one who penned most of the things complained about. Whenever a comparison to the good of the revival was put up, it was almost always my work. (I’m allowed to brag, I was put through hell.)

I was not allowed to clarify that the people that were being spoken of as if they were me were not actually me, because the writing team essentially had code-of-honor-enforced NDAs on them. You just didn’t tell people you were the writer of a character due to the ARG elements. Any sort of hinting at you were the writer, or even outright saying it, was “dropping the curtain”. So, I basically had to just deal with the fact that several targets were put on my back that weren’t even actually mine.

Several people were violently, hatefully obsessed with me, and this lead to me getting constantly vagueposted, shittalked, accused of things like child predation/being a pedophile/supporting pedophilia for zero reason, despite being a victim myself (this got so bad that David, the CEO, had to get involved), et cetera. It was extremely nasty. A lot of people in that community were very deeply angry people, and would stop at nothing to make everyone hate whatever they hated. Assuming the worst in people was a reflex to many. It was extremely volatile and toxic.

I tried to keep everything in order as best as I could. I poured in countless hours of work to this community that seemingly hated me, a job that did not pay me, and completely ruined my mental health (I think I’m mostly recovered now, though, which is a big victory). I was the guy who did most of the work on the wiki, planned a bunch of fan favorite arcs, made a fuck ton of music and art, et cetera. Nothing I ever did was enough for people.

I know some people are confused as to how such a small community could be so toxic. I really want to address that, since it was something that confused me at first, too. I thought, naïvely, that less people would mean toxicity was easily to quell and manage- and in this case, I was wrong.

In this case, less people meant toxicity spread faster, and was less diluted.

Everyone knew everyone. I thought this was a pro, an objectively good thing that would stop- or at least hinder- people from crafting up petty drama and stirring the pot. After all, accusing someone you know of something is a lot harder than accusing a stranger. It’s easier to assume the worst in someone when you don’t know anything about them.

What instead happened was that the “everyone knew everyone” aspect made for the absolute ripest conditions for a panopticon I’ve ever seen. Everyone knew everyone. Everyone had a weapon trained at everyone. If you didn’t have a weapon trained at somebody, you’re getting shot yourself. I didn’t like the idea of pointing guns at people for no reason, so I got shot. Like, a lot, lol.

I think at least a solid chunk as to why this was the case was, like… The fault of the construction of the fanbase in general? As in, the kind of people that composed it. It wasn’t something you knew about unless you were deeply online (red flag one), on Twitter (red flag two), and super into the vocal synthesis fandom (red flag three). “Deeply online Twitter users super into vocal synthesis as a fandom” is a very cursed sentence, because… Frankly, not a lot of people who are even just one of these things are very hinged people. Being deeply online desensitizes you to the fact that the people you interact with online are people, Twitter functions very literally on an algorithm that very enthusiastically enables and emboldens outrage, and the vocal synthesis fandom as a whole is very… Weirdly discourse filled, and generally just not a very nice group of people to be around.

In retrospect… It’s kind of a no-brainer that it would be a pretty toxic place to be, full of hateful, angry people who don’t understand that their actions have weight and consequences. I just couldn’t see this when I was younger.

… Because I was the guy who accidentally revived the fandom to begin with. I just… Started making a bunch of art of my own mental image of the story, and a pairing I thought would work really well (I made 10/01 as a ship). I didn’t expect this dead-for-years fandom to come back to life, just because I was drawing things for myself.

I didn’t expect it to be this way. I didn’t expect any eyes on me. I didn’t expect that vile little corpse to come back to life, and I didn’t expect that it contained a hideous, hateful miasma of rot and venom in it that would ruin lives, including mine.

It almost makes me feel a bit guilty. If I hadn’t drawn those pieces, this fandom would’ve never been revived, and all those people would have never gotten hurt.

It sucks.

It really does suck a lot.

I am so deeply sorry to those who have been hurt. You did not deserve this.

[garden-ghoul]

as a singer on T I've been having a LOT of trouble finding online stuff about what you can expect, how long things take, what's going on, et c. This is one of the best articles I've been able to find. there's some pretty technical stuff on laryngeal anatomy, which I found very interesting! tldr transitioning at different ages means your larynx is more ossified, which affects what kinds of changes you might see. they also talk about 'entrapped vocality,' which is a sometimes persistent... I guess timbre thing people on T often see.

HRT doesn't necessarily give you the voice you want! it can be depressing waiting around for your voice to finally become perfect. it can also be depressing to realize that it won't ever, but the vocal training resources are out there. (here's one that really helped me earlier in my voice changing.) you gotta seize control. treating your voice kindly is important, so you should know techniques that give you the desired effect w/o hurting you.

right now I'm at a place where I still haven't regained my upper baritone range and I'm pissed off and kind of scared about it. neither of the above articles talk about that, but I'm trying to be patient cos I've only been on T for about 6 months. the first article I linked also suggests that going on lower doses at first and ramping up very gradually can help preserve your voice, although the evidence is kind of anecdotal. ah... well

[headintheclouds-posts]

nct haechan enemies to lovers ? :D tysmm

Of course sweetie, I hope this is ok, its the longest story I have ever written on this app so I hope you like it and please send over anymore asks you can think of.

Starts of pretty angsty, but I promise it becomes fluffy.

Trigger warning - Some face shaming is mentioned in this story. Please note I do not condone this in any way.

You had recently debuted after several years of training with your agency SM, you and the girls in your group were like sisters and people were already praising your vocals and dancing skills online. It honestly felt like a dream come true, you were so lucky to have such an amazing group to be apart of, and also the other idols in SM had always been extremely supportive and gave the best advice.

Today your group was having an interview for a segment on a pretty well known show and none of you could contain your excitement. 'What if I say something stupid?' one of the girls said, panicking at the thought of the exposure you were all about to get. 'Don't worry, everything will be fine, just take a deep breath before answering each question' you responded trying to console her. To be completely honest, you were also extremely nervous but as the leader, your job was to make sure the group felt comfortable in any settings. 'If any difficult questions are asked, I will answer them' you smiled patting the girls back. 'Thanks Unnie' she responded clasping your hand in hers.

'Right ladies, the interviewer is almost here, we should greet them at the front of the building' your manager called out. You all followed him in a line to the foyer of the building and welcomed the news team. You all made small talk whilst walking to the meeting room to conduct the interview. On the way, you passed several well known idols including some members of NCT. They all smiled as they passed as you gave your hello's, that was until you got to Haechan, upon trying to greet him he just sneered and walked away. He had always been like this with you. At the beginning you thought maybe he just had issues with a new group but he was always polite and made small talk with the girls, you on the other hand have spent the past 30ish months being ignored, sneered at and having hateful comments made whenever he was around. You had tried to approach him several times trying to find out what you had done wrong but his response was always the same, 'I just don't like you y/n'. It wouldn’t of felt so bad if you didn’t have a small crush on him. 

You tried to brush off his behaviour as you sat down with the rest of the group for your interview. The lady asking the questions was really nice and made you all feel at ease, and even complimented you all after saying how polite you all were. 'Thank you so much for speaking with me, I will have to head back to the office now as we will be posting the chat on our website later tonight' the interviewer smiled. You all bowed and thanked her. Once she had left, yourself and all the girls slumped to the floor glad it was over. 'Anyone hungry?' you asked as they all nodded their heads in unison. 'Great, let me just nip for a bathroom break and then we can go' you smiled, standing up to excuse yourself.

On your way back to meet the girls for lunch you bump into Haechan. Remembering what happened earlier you grabbed him by the arm. 'What was that about before? you couldn't just pretend to be polite for one minute whilst we were with guests' you questioned. He snatched his arm away from you before giving you an agitated look. 'Don't speak to me y/n, I don't want anyone to think I am associated with you' he snarled before walking off. Even though he has behaved like this many times before, you couldn't help the way your heart sank when he treated you like this. You brushed off how you felt and slapped on a smile to go and meet your group for lunch.

You went and filled up your trays and sat at one of the empty tables chatting amongst yourselves. You noticed Jungwoo and Mark walking over with their trays waving at you. 'Can we sit here' Mark asked. 'Of course' one of your members responded as the guys slid onto the bench. 'Heard you girls just had your first proper interview, does it feel real yet?' Jungwoo asked smiling at you all. 'Not yet' you responded, 'more scary than anything' you nervous laughed. 'Honestly you will get used to it' Mark said before turning his head into a different direction. 'Yo Haechan, there's some space here' he shouted across the canteen. You all turned your heads to look in Haechans direction. His face dropped when he saw you and he rolled his eyes. 'I'd rather not'' he spat before walking off with his tray. Both Jungwoo and Mark looked at you and tried to brush it off. 'What's his problem' one of the girls in the group snapped. 'Just ignore him' Mark says, 'Yeah he can be like that sometimes' Jungwoo nodded after seeing the sadness in your face. After lunch the girls decided to go back to the dorms to rest, you on the other hand decided to get your head around the choreography for your new song.

You don't even know how long you had been practicing before you decided to go and get some water. There was a machine just down the corridor from your practice room so you punched in the numbers and waited for your bottle to come out. You realised the interview would of probably been posted by now so you fished your phone out of your pocket and brought up the website. A big smile spread across your face looking at the lovely story written up by the interviewer. You continued scrolling to your phone as your saw the comment section was heaving with messages. The first few were pretty nice but then your stomach dropped.

"Is that the leader?? Ew she is not pretty at all"

"I don't know why they're debuting ugly idols now, let alone making one the leader"

"One thing is for sure, the leader will not be my bias"

In the midst of all the lovely and supportive comments, these comments stood out, causing tears to prick in the corner of your eyes. You look up from your phone in shock, not being able to comprehend how cruel some people were being. You hear footsteps and look to see Haechan walking down the corridor towards you. Without getting your water bottle you run to your practice room not wanting him to see you cry, he would only make things worse. Once you’re in the room you sit against the wall as a steady stream of tears fall from your eyes. Why me, you thought, you did your best to be a nice and kind, you always looked out for other people and put them before you, why do people have to be so cruel?. Next thing you hear is the practice door room slam open, causing you to jump from the sound. You look up to see Haechan in the doorway with a strange look on his face. You use your jumper to quickly wipe the tears from your eyes and continue to sit on the floor, not bothering to get up and face more mean comments.

You hear Haechan’s footsteps get closer to you he calls out your name. You look up through your tear collected eyelashes to see him knelt in front of you. ‘Wow, you’re kind of an ugly crier you know’ he says with a smirk on his face. ‘Why don’t you piss off Haechan, I am not in the mood’ you shot back. He proceeded to ignore you and sat across from you with his legs stretched out. ‘I told you to leave Haechan’ you said giving him a stern look. ‘You really think I would miss this’ he sniggered. You couldn’t hold it in anymore, you were angry and upset and tired, so tired of how people had been treating you. ‘Get out’ you half shouted getting to your feet. ‘I am sick of this, sick of people treating me like dirt for their own amusement, I never did anything to you and yet you continue to make my life a living hell, I can’t do this anymore’ and with that you turn on your heel to leave. Before you can go any further a hand grabs your wrist and pulls you back. You find yourself wrapped up in the arms of your enemy, nose pressed against his chest whilst his arms have found their way around you. The tears start up again with this sign of comfort and you let yourself go in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably into his t-shirt. You half expect him to push you away and laugh at you or tell you this is some sort of prank, but instead he uses one hand to rub circles into your back whilst the other holds you close. You don’t know how long you were like this before you came to your senses and pulled away. ‘Haechan if this is some sort of joke then its not funny’. ‘Does it look like I am laughing?’ he questions back cocking his eyebrow. You really couldn’t read him, for the last several years he has been nothing but uninviting to you, why now did he want to console you? ‘You forgot this by the way’ he says picking up the bottle of water that was on the floor and handing it to you. ‘Oh right, thank you’ you respond taking the bottle from him. ‘So were the comments that bad?’ he asks you, ‘how did you know it was about the online comments?’ you say. ‘I saw the reporter come in with you this morning and I am just putting two and two together’ he shrugs. ‘Same thing happened when we were rookies too’ he says nonchalantly.  ‘Really?’ you asked looking up at him. ‘Yeah, you kinda get over it, they are nothing but trolls so I just try to ignore them, you should too’. Still shocked at how kind he is being, you thank him again and let out a small laugh. ‘What are you laughing at?’ he questions tilting his head to the side. ‘I just never thought we would have a normal conversation without arguing’ you respond. ‘You never did tell me why you hate me?’ you ask him wondering what his answer will be. ‘I never said I hated you y/n, have you ever stopped to think that it might be something else’ he says taking a step towards you. ‘What? what else could it be other than hate’ you say to him as your voice raises up an octave. At this point you can see him start to get a little angry as well, ‘maybe, just maybe its because you’re rude y/n’ he shouts back. ‘Rude, RUDE, when have I ever been rude to you, I have always tried to be nice, even when you made me feel terrible’ you shout, as you go on your tiptoes to look slightly more intimidating than you feel. ‘You’re the rudest person I have ever met, did you think I wanted to fall in love, did you think I ever wanted to feel this way’ he is basically screaming at you right now. ‘I just wanted an easy life and you just waltz in and flip my world upside down. You go about your day happy with not a care in the world whilst I am suffering, suffering because you stole my heart and there is nothing I can do about it, so I would say that’s pretty rude of you’. Silence then fills the air as you both stare at each other, you don’t know what to think, or even feel other than shock. ‘You...you love me?’ you managed to splutter out after what felt like several minutes of silence. ‘You know what y/n, forget I said anything’ he says turning to walk away, but this time it was his turn to be grabbed by the wrist as you pull him back towards you. ‘Say it again’ you ask looking up into his chocolate eyes. ‘I love you y/n, I have from the moment you were introduced to us and I haven't been able to stop thinking about you since’ and with that you close any space between you and put your hands on either side of his face, ‘I am going to be rude again and ask for a kiss if that’s ok?’ you whisper to which he nods in response. He pulls you up into his arms as your lips connect into the most euphoric kiss. You feel as though your soul has left your body and time stands still. His lips are so soft and warm against yours. The only way you could describe it was like coming home. It was perfect. Once you break away he rubs his nose against yours, ‘sorry for my behaviour over the past few years, I just didn’t know what to do with my feelings’ . ‘Its fine, but from now on you have to be nice to me if I am going to be your girlfriend’ you say kissing the tip of his nose. ‘Girlfriend?’ he questions with a laugh causing your bottom lip to pout out. ‘I am only joking, you’re more than my girlfriend, after feeling the way I have for all these years I am pretty sure you’re my soulmate’ he says peppering butterfly kisses to your face. ‘Come on, how about I treat you to a meal and we forget about those online trolls’ he says smiling. ‘Already forgotten’ you respond whilst grabbing your things to leave. ‘So like what do we do know, hold hands or something?’ he says awkwardly. ‘Come on’ you giggle grabbing his hand and walking to the exit. Though the day had many twists and turns, it ended in the most perfect way ever, your enemy finally became your lover and you couldn't be happier.

Sorry for any spelling or grammar mistakes on this one. It’s been a busy day :) feel free to send over anymore requests <3

[animalhumanemn]

I adopted Jewel (kept her name) in February at the Coon Rapids adoption center. I casually looked online to see the pups - like one does - and I was instantly drawn to Jewel. Once I saw her picture I couldn't stop thinking about her.

One day I went to Animal Humane Society and visited every animal with no intent of adopting. But once I laid eyes on Jewel, I felt like we had a connection instantly. She kept her eyes on me as I was walking through the facility. I watched as her eyes were on me and me only. Other people were walking by but didn't seem to be interested in pets and love from other people.

I literally was in love with this dog that I visited every day for the rest of the week. She would be very vocal when I walked in the room and there was nobody else she did that to. I'm told I'm a dog whisper but this felt different. I felt bonded instantly. I decided I couldn't leave her behind and I ended up adopting her. She's been an absolute dream dog since. We've been doing training and lots of adventuring in the couple of months I've had her. She's slightly dog-reactive but loves people! It was the best decision to look online when I did.

— Kayla

[genderqueerdykes]

Sometimes I feel really upset that I'll never really be able to 'pass' as not woman, (probably w/o hrt that is), and it sucks getting misgendered so easily. Like when I look at myself in the mirror I don't see a woman but then I go out and most strangers don't hesitate she/her-ing me and idk what to do to get people to like not say that lol. Like my hair is the longest it's been in 2 years, (I'd buzzed it all off the past like 6-ish years), and I really like how it looks and don't want to cut it off but even when I had the short hair I was still being called 'she/her'. And then there's the voice which is probs a big factor in the way I get gendered and well....

Idk, I don't want to let strangers affect my perception of myself but it's hard not to feel kinda bad when people dont perceive me the way me and my friends do :(

Sorry if this is probably a repeat of another anon or ask you've received, feel free to ignore this.

hello there, i'm sorry other people are making you feel alienated from yourself- strangers and social transition are often the hardest part of being trans and a lot of people end up staying in the closet because of these things, so i understand why it's feeling so overwhelming for you. it's not an easy thing to cope with and i'm sorry to hear it's made you feel this way

unfortunately, people are often raised to make assumptions about strangers based upon how their bodies look and their voices sound, because folks are taught it's "polite" to aggressively gender a stranger to affirm them. it's not really your fault, it's parents failing to teach their children that people can come in any shape and form, and that person's fault for not learning how to respect other's boundaries. it's a cultural and societal failing

if you're able to, try to remind yourself that you know who you are. you don't have to identify a certain way because of the she/her's. i know they hurt to hear, but that doesn't mean they're right about who you are. they know nothing about you, they've never truly gotten to meet you, and they're making a very baseless and shitty assumption. a lot of people choose to see the she/her's in a drag queen way, and i think it helps to remind yourself that pronouns don't = gender and that person literally doesn't know your identity, so they're not correct. you are the expert on yourself

sometimes vocal training without hormones can help, sometimes changing the way you dress can help, and some folks use makeup to make their faces look more masculine. there are a few ways you can change the way others see you without hormones, i hope you're able to find something that works for you. at the very least, i'm glad your friends understand you for who you are. it may help to see if you can reach out to any lgbt organizations in your area, and see if you can hang out with other queer people who don't judge folks based off of opinion and voice. having a community can help a ton. even online communities can be super helpful

i hope you're able to find a way to feel a bit better, i know people can be very shitty and make assumptions that hurt us, it's a massive failing on society's behalf to take care of all of us, not just some of us. it's not fair, and it's okay to be hurt when people address you incorrectly. i wish you the best of luck, take care, and stay safe out there, if you need anymore help feel free to ask