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girlmeetsliv3 · 4 years

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Lilies of the Valley I

A/B/O!BTS x Reader

Flowers can have different meanings depending on the flower’s shape, color, and method in which they are presented. Lilies are my favorite for such a simple flower can have so many distinct meanings.

Chapter One: Hatred & Pride

“Lilies are considered a beautiful, popular flower but the orange variations actually symbolize hatred, pride, and disdain.”

Release Date: 05/18/20 @ 7 pm

YN stumbled haphazardly into her apartment, as she tried to kick off heels and steer her way into her apartment's small bathroom. In her hand lay a crumpled up business card that scorched her skin, yet she couldn't let go of it. As she reached the bathroom, she flickered the yellow lighting on and stared at herself in the dirty mirror. Mascara and eyeliner were smudged making her resemble a panda, a frown etched between her brows, and colored lips turned downward. It was not her wretched appearance that had her sorrowful, but rather the bite that was visible right where her neck met her shoulder. It looked fresh, harsh red marks that displayed to the world that she was taken. "What a fucking lie."

She took off her makeup and jumped into the shower scrubbing off every trace she could of the alpha. Not wanting his scent permeating on her body any longer, then it would truly prove people's perception of her to be true. A small ding as she was exiting the shower alerted her towards her phone.

Mark Lee: Sorry about how I acted. I just don't understand, but I don't think we should see each other anymore.

"Great," YN grumbled. There went another one that she'd managed to drive away. It would be a lot easier if she could simply date someone like her - not that it would ever be allowed. Still, there would be less judgment and she wouldn't have to feel like a let down to society or her family every time a holiday passed and she failed to present with a mate. "Fuck society." Though truly it was more like fuck Jeon Jungkook. None of this would've happened if it weren't for the alpha and his hormones. Truly none of this would've happened if his mates kept a tighter grip on the newly presenting alpha, but she couldn't blame the others for his mistake.

On second thought, fuck them all. Why the fuck are sub-genders a thing anyway? This wasn't the first time said thoughts had filled her head. Presenting as an Omega in a family full of beta's had been difficult, not to mention the events that followed afterward. YN dragged her feet into her bed, thankful for once that she lived in such a small apartment that things were never so far apart. Though her current apartment was about the size of the kitchen in her parent's home, she couldn't complain. Few people rented unmated omegas. She was lucky that her landladies were two female betas with small children. YN doesn’t have anything against alphas but she’s aware enough to know how they perceive her: a means to an end rather than a human being. Or half of one at the very least.

Her cell phone screen lit up again, but YN was far too tired to check it. Until it stayed on as a plethora of messages appeared. Rolling her eyes, YN grabbed her phone and unlocked it planning to send to hell whoever sent so many messages this late at night.

Unknown: Please consider it.

Unknown: I know you blame me for a lot of things and it is my fault, but I’d like to fix things.

Unknown: or help at the very least.

Unknown: Please just answer me.

Unknown: I’m very sorry. You know I am. It was a mistake, I was presenting and couldn’t control myself. Please YN.

Unknown: You’re my mate.

YN slammed her phone down on her bed with tears in her eyes. She regretted ever going on the date tonight, regretted ever meeting Jungkook, regretted presenting as an Omega. YN regretted being alive. She knew others felt the same way, she'd seen the look in her father's eyes when he had gone to the police station. None of this would've ever happened if she were a beta. YN would be able to get a good education, a good job, a decent place to live. She wouldn't be treated like a third-class citizen because of her sub-gender - she would just be YN. The way she'd been in school before all this happened. The way she spent seventeen years of her life living. Sobs racked throughout her body and she bit into her arm to keep the sound from reaching her neighbors. She didn't want to get into any more trouble tonight.

Exhaustion eventually won over and YN slipped into a restless sleep, plagued by the events of her past and the ones that occurred a few hours earlier.

“So there was nothing you did in high school? No clubs or anything like that?”

YN shook her head, shrugging slightly. "I helped some teachers, dabbled in a couple of things but wasn't like the head cheerleader or class president." Tentatively she reached for her drink, making sure Mark didn't notice her smelling it for anything. It wasn't that he wasn't nice, but one could never be too careful. Mark laughed, "Alright you got me there, but I'll let you know the only reason I became class president is that I promised I'd get us a pool."

“How did that work out?”

“Terrible. The school was convinced our stupid asses would drown or something. Can’t say it wasn’t true.”

YN giggled, taking another bite of her food. Mark was cute and he seemed aware of things, enough to not try too hard. He hadn’t asked to pick her up or asked about exes, he’d agreed to meet at the restaurant and even arrived early. Then again it might also be because they have a friend in between and it was Rosé who’d set them up together. “So YN what school did you go to?” Mark leaned forward resting his face in his hands. The warm lighting in the restaurant cast a nice glow on his features, it made him look more attractive. Or perhaps the alcohol had finally set in.

“I went to Yeong-gwang Academy.” As soon as YN uttered the name Mark’s eyes widened exponentially. “No way, I’ve heard about that school. Isn’t it like a rich kid central or something? Wait didn’t you go to school with the Kims?!” It was an involuntary reaction the way she shivered whenever she heard that name, but her date must not have noticed. He stood waiting for her confirmation and all it took was a curt nod, for the man to begin rambling about all the rumors he’d heard over the years. It was difficult to keep up with them all, but she did manage to correct a few.

“Haven’t you guys been ranked number one school in Korea for like thirty years or something?”

“I think it’s only twenty.”

“I heard all your sports teams are national champions.”

“We only really had like five or so.”

“Don’t you have the largest private collection of flowers in Asia?!”

“Um, it’s Lilies and I think that’s an exaggeration.”

On and on it went, YN was now beginning to regret opening her mouth. She'd heard of Academy fans before, but it was mainly people who wanted to go there and couldn't or alumni. The way Mark spoke about it made her seem like she was an olympiad or a part of history. The date was drawing to an end, YN couldn't help but feel disappointed but it could have gone worse. Mark could have seen her mark and it would've caused conflict, hearing the boy ramble about her school was the lesser of the two evils.

It was when YN lifted her drink to her lips that she sensed it. A hint of musk and the smell of fresh linen, she couldn’t explain how she knew it was him. It was almost instinctual the fear that spread throughout her. As discreetly as she could, YN cast a glance around the room trying to find him almost exhaling with relief when she didn’t. It’s probably a mistake.

“Hey isn’t that Kim Jungkook right there?”

It was said a little too loudly, just enough that YN knew he'd heard it. It didn't take long for her to feel eyes peering at her, goosebumps rose through her arms. Her bite began to throb and YN could feel her heart skip a beat. Mark's eyes focused on him and eventually crawled up, letting her know the alpha was approaching. Now the scent hit her entirely, shaking her to her core. YN gripped the table to steady herself but found that near impossible when the alpha kept sending his pheromones at her.

"Does there seem to be a problem here?" His voice had deepened over the years, no longer the voice of a teenager but that of a man.

"Oh sorry, I didn't mean to call your name so loudly. Um, I'm Mark Lee. A pleasure to meet you." Mark turned his attention towards YN expecting her to acknowledge Jungkook or greet him as a classmate. YN couldn't. She couldn't look at him. It didn't help that there was a tense atmosphere between the two, the tension was palpable and it seemed Mark had enough.

“Aren’t you going to greet him, YN?”

Greet the man responsible for everything wrong in my life, sure. Yn’s eyes trailed upwards from the table to Jungkook’s face until her warm eyes met his golden ones. As YN parted her lips to speak, she felt it: the heat spreading throughout her body. An uncontrollable feeling that raked throughout her body. The fucker was trying to trigger a pseudo-heat. Instantly YN’s grip tightened on the table, her fingertips becoming white as she fought with nature to keep control over herself.

“Do you two know each other?” It seems Mark was catching on and truly she couldn’t blame him if he misunderstood. She would too if the roles were reversed. Suddenly Jungkook turned to face Mark, holding his hand out to greet him.

“I’m Kim Jungkook, her mate.”

"What?! No, he isn't. Don't listen to him, Mark." Her outcry had caused quite a few patrons to turn her way, now all paying close attention to what was happening.

"Uh -" Jungkook quickly interceded whatever Mark was going to say. "Did you not notice her mark? Or do you make a habit of seeking mated people?" At this a few people gasped, Mark looked between the two of them confused. YN snapped, "It's a partial bond. It was never completed so it doesn't mean anything." Her words only confused Mark even more. Whispers from surrounding tables began to reach her ears and it only fueled YN's rage more. This was all a big misunderstanding, but Jungkook was thriving off it. Mark and YN's eyes met as she silently pleaded with him to listen to her.

"Hey beta," Jungkook snapped his fingers together, "look at me." YN should've known she'd lost then and there. As a beta, it was impossible to resist the order of alpha, not to mention one that exuded the stench that Jungkook did.

“You know who I am right?” Mark nodded, eyes wide as if aiming to please. “Then you know don’t you? You know…” When Mark looked back at her, there was sympathy in his eyes. “I’m sorry YN.” was all the beta said before standing up and walking away. YN had so many things to say, so many more explanations, but they all died in her tongue.

Jungkook tsked, “What an asshole. Could’ve at least paid for the meal.” That was the final strand for YN, she gathered her stuff and threw all the money she had down on the table. Walking fast out of the restaurant trying to avoid the judgemental stares directed towards her, she swore some people hissed at her under their breaths. Once outside YN leaned against the side entrance of the restaurant trying to steady her breath and stop the incoming tears.

"YN. Hey!" Jungkook raced out the front, staring around panicked until his gaze landed on her. YN tried to walk away, but his long legs gave him an advantage and he reached her in a few steps. "Please YN. I'm sorry, I just- I couldn't control myself." YN rolled her eyes, trying to push the alpha aside.

“No please YN look.” His hands gripped her forearms and tugged her close to him. “I’ve been trying to find you, we’ve been trying to find you. But you disappeared off the map.”

“That’s because of you. I left because of you.” YN tried to get him to release her arms, but his hold was too tight. “Wasn’t it enough for you? Isn’t it enough for you? You ruined my life and my reputation Jungkook. The least you could do is leave me alone.” She was begging at this point, trying to make him see reason.

“I can’t leave you alone, YN. You’re my mate.”

“You already have mates Jungkook. Fucking six of them! How could you want more?!”

“It isn’t like that and you know it. You’re all our mates. You're the pack omega, you just don’t see it yet.”

This wasn’t the first time Jungkook had tried to excuse his behavior by using the pack bond. Yes, it was true all seven of them shared it but that didn’t mean she did too. “Omega’s don’t have the pack bond, Jungkook. Stop trying to lie.” YN couldn’t see what he gained from this.

“I’m not lying. It’s rare but it happens, please if you just speak to Namjoon you’ll see-”

“Leave me alone Jungkook.” YN mustered all her strength and managed to finally push him off. The alpha looked shocked at her display of aggression, YN strongly desired to hit him but knew it wouldn’t end well if she triggered his instincts. “I’d rather die alone than be mated to you.” YN could see the spear driven through the boy’s heart because she felt something similar go through hers. YN let out a shaky breath, she leaned over resting on her knees for fear of falling over.

"I get it. I'm sorry, I ruined your date. I embarrassed you in front of all those people and that wasn't right. I'm sorry YN, I truly am. For everything, I've ever done to you. But it doesn't change the truth. You know this isn't something I can lie about: you are my mate. Our mate."

YN groaned and went to walk away, knowing that there wouldn't be an end to Jungkook's madness. As she walked past the shaken alpha, he grasped her hand placing something in it. "If you ever need anything, don't hesitate, please." YN didn't even spare him a look as she walked away. It wasn't until she could no longer smell him that YN broke down, her body shaking as she tried to hold it all in. She was still in a public place and a vulnerable omega might draw unwanted attention. YN took a deep breath and steadied herself. Heading straight to her apartment and refusing to look back.

A loud abrupt ringing awoke YN from her sleep, she jumped so high she practically touched the ceiling. Grabbing the phone, she saw Rosé’s contact picture pop-up on the screen. It was rare for her to call, especially since it was nearly six a.m.

“Hey.”

“YN? Oh my god.” Rosé’s tone was panicked and YN could hear the way she panted. “Someone broke into my apartment while I was sleeping.”

“What?! Are you alright?!” YN jumped out of bed and raced to put on pants and hoodie, before grabbing her keys and wallet. “Where are you?”

“I’m at the police station. I couldn’t see very clearly, but they’re looking at security cam footage from around the area to figure out who it is.”

“I’m on my way. Did you call Lucas?” Lucas was Rosé’s foster sibling, his husband worked in the police and was certain to make the whole process smoother.

Rosé hesitated, “He isn't answering. Please come, I’m here alone and I-”

“It’s alright I’ll be there soon I promise.” YN had managed to wave down a cab and told him to drive as quickly as he could.

The sight of her best friend in tears triggered something innate in YN. She pulled Rosé into a hug and refused to let her go, terrified at the thought of what could have happened to her friend. "It's alright, I'm here." Rosé dug her head into YN's neck using her scent to calm her nerves and trying to muffle her cries. Already she could feel the sympathetic stares of some of the officers. Out of the corner of her eye, YN saw someone approaching his bloodshot eyes, and the tall way in which he stood made it seem like he owned the place.

"I told you to call your mate, not your girlfriend." He remarked voice dull yet mocking. Rosé stepped away from YN turning towards him, "I don't have a mate and my brother isn't answering." Her tone was meek and eyes were downcast, YN knew she wasn't a confrontational person and this event likely further caused her to become more introverted. The cop rolled his eyes, "Where is your mate then?" He turned his attention towards YN, now she could see the name inscribed on his uniform: Officer Hwang. "I don't have one." Her tone was too blunt, YN knew she could see the way his eyebrows raised at it.

“Don’t lie to me, I can see your mark.”

“I don’t have a mate.”

Annoyance was now visible in Hwang's tone before his eyes widened. "Ah, now I get it." The officer turned back towards one of his colleagues and called out, "Bo, it seems we have a cat house on our hands." Rosé's eyes widened and YN spoke quickly, words tumbling out of her mouth. "No. You're misunderstanding." Bo had already stood up from his desk and was making his way towards them.

“Ladies if you could please follow me.”

The two of them were talking over each other trying to explain the situation, but the officers had made up their minds about what was occurring. YN cast a glance around the room trying to find anyone who could help them, but everyone kept their eyes downward. They'd been titled as prostitutes and it would be difficult to change people's minds. Officer Bo guided them, pushed would've been a better term, towards the basement where the holding cells were.

“Please sir, you’ve misunderstood.”

Officer Hwang shrugged, a cruel smirk on his face. “Call your alpha then and everything will be solved.” YN resigned herself as they were dragged downstairs and locked up.

Rosé and YN were separated in different cells while a guard stood watching. Tears streamed endlessly down her best friend's face, whilst YN told herself that hers were tears of frustration rather than humiliation at everything that had occurred tonight. Eventually, as they hit the two-hour mark the guard spoke up, "I'd call your mates if I were you. The boarding house bus swing's by at nine." Both omegas stilled in fear at his words. YN turned towards Rosé, "Ro can't you try your brother?" She was pleading with her friend, but Rosé shook her head. "He won't come." There was something she wasn't telling her, but YN figured now was not the moment to press it.

“Don’t you know someone who can help YN? What about Mark?”

Mark would be no help, considering everything that went down at the date it would be a further embarrassment to ask him to come to pick her up at the station. If he even answered that is. Unless? No, there was no way. Her pride wouldn’t be able to take it.

"Thirty minutes, girls."

It seemed as if fate was pushing her into a corner. YN had heard about what kind of things occurred to Omega's who were taken to the boarding house, it was not a nice place. It certainly didn't provide the comfort or protection that was promised to unmated troubled omegas. Hesitantly YN cleared her throat, "Can I please make a call?"

~ Please lmk if you would like to be added to the tag list. Thank you

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mae-gi-writes · 3 years

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Purpose of Hearts | Song Mingi (ATEEZ)

Summary: Two lives. One purpose. And a hope that someday, their voices would be heard.

Part of @atbzkingdom's timecapsule collab! Song: Utopia by ATEEZ

Genre: angst, slice of life

A/N: This is a love story but it also revolves around issues of modern society as well as the environmental crises that have been happening lately. I wish to incorporate more of these real-life elements in my stories because that's the only way I can communicate to people the importance of living a life that does not take away what Nature has made for us. So I hope that you guys aren't too harsh on this one, considering I worked really hard to write it. Thank you all. Love, mae xx

>>>

The first time I saw Song Mingi was by accident. I had been late to my interview that day, rushing in and out between my room, the kitchen and the bathroom to get my scrambled self organized, throw on a blazer over my white shirt and black slacks — honestly, had I washed it before?— while barely managing to shove a toast in my mouth as I ran down my apartment stairs two at a time, almost tripping over my own feet as I did so.

That was probably the first time I had overslept ever since reaching Seoul and in all honesty, that had done nothing to set my mind at ease as I caught sight of the overflowing crowd of people moving in the direction of the subway.

Every morning was the same, packed in like tuna fish that wriggled forward in too-tight compartments that made it impossible to breathe, also another reason why I always woke up an hour before the rush of workers came through.

“Excuse me,” I pushed at someone’s shoulder getting shoved into my face, trying in vain not to let my nerves get the best of me, “sorry, but you’re crushing me—“ “Oh sorry,” a man that looked like he was in his forties dipped his head in what seemed to mimic a bow, before he slowly tried edging back, in vain.

I huffed into the window pane, my breath fogging up the glass as I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed for the ride to be over. 10:45.a.m, my watch said. My interview was at eleven. There was no way I was going to make it in time.

It felt like eternity had passed before I finally heard my desired station being called out on the intercom. I slowly turned my entire torso to face the exit with slight relief flooding through me. I hadn’t died. Things would be okay, it would be okay—The doors slid open and no sooner had I stepped through that I felt a shoulder shove into mine.

I stumbled, throwing my hands out before me to brace myself for the impact only to feel warm fingers grip onto my forearm to pull me up and away from the throng of people flowing out of the train.

“You okay?”

A deep alto resonated in my ear, causing me to look up into an unfamiliar face. There was no doubt that this stranger was tall. Taller than the average in Korea, no doubt. He had a nicely shaped nose, perfectly sculpted for his side profile, I couldn’t help but notice.

“Yeah,” I checked my handbag and quickly dusted off my pants, “thanks. Would’ve gotten crushed back there.”

“No problem.”

Needless to say, my interview was a complete and utter failure. That evening, I binged on some Mcdonald’s followed by a whole pint of ice cream while watching an entire K-drama on my own, ignoring the distinct ping! of my phone that signalled the upcoming stream of messages left unread. But I couldn’t do it. Not now, not when I felt like my life was falling apart and I felt powerless to stop it.

Why? I had thought then. Why me? Why couldn’t I succeed like all my my fellow friends did?

It was true that Marine biologists were at an unfair advantage from the get-go. Jobs were harder to find when you started out in a niche. I had known that much when I’d enrolled for the degree, when I’d cried by myself countless nights knowing that my future was all but a bleak, weak canvas of nothingness. But I couldn’t give it up, no matter how much I wanted to force myself to, for I knew that if there weren’t people like me around to help restore marine ecosystems, then the world as we knew it would end much quicker than intended. I didn’t have the heart to give all of that up when I felt partly responsible for all the lives that mankind was taking away.

All these thoughts were a dark cloud, each and every one of them slowly creating a storm that was out of my control as I went on in my day to day life. It consumed me from the inside until there seemed to be nothing left but an emptiness that blocked everything out. And that scared me.

That was when I met Song Mingi for the second time.

It was around late evening when my restless self decided to take a walk to clear my head. It seemed like my feet had a life of their own for no sooner had I allowed my mind to drift off that I found myself boarding a train to nowhere in particular. A heavy sigh left my lips and I sat back in one of the many empty seats. The peace and quiet was a nice change from the constant bustle and movement, and as I gazed out at the inky darkness of the tunnel, I noticed someone shift from the corner of my eye.

He was sitting on the opposite side, one row before mine, his gaze hollow and empty and directed at the ground, seemingly as lost in his thoughts as I was. I wouldn’t have recognized him if not for that particularly perfect nose slant that instantly caught my attention.

That man. The man who’d helped me out of the subway.

And as if sensing my gaze, his head turned around slightly to catch my eye. Though he was too far away for me to notice, his head cocked to the side as he searched my face for a minute. Before he nodded in acknowledgement.

I nodded back, looked away. Heat crawled to the back of my neck, embarrassed.

I need to get out of here, my mind raced.

The next stop couldn’t come fast enough. I jolted up from my seat once the station came into view and quickly scrambling for the exit, I failed to notice the said young man do the same until I bumped into him as we stepped out.

Stumbling to the side as his briefcase clattered to the floor and spilled the array of papers hidden inside, my eyes widened in horror as some of them started flying away as the train whizzed past. I launched my body onto the ground, curse words spilling from my mouth as I helped him gather the mess of artworks that decorated the floor, from pens to pencil scrawls to pastels to dabbles of oil paintings that even in the shitty yellow lights lining the station, they looked ethereal and raw with talent.

“I’m so sorry,” my head was ducked, I couldn’t possibly face him, as I quickly stacked up the papers.

“It’s okay,” was his only reply as we managed to gather most of his work. My eyes flew to the ones that now laid on the train tracks, crumpled and matted with dirt and practically unattainable.

“I’m so sorry,” I repeated hoarsely as guilt filled me up to the brim. It wasn’t enough that I was having a shitty day. No, I had to go and ruin someone’s day as well.

Fuck me.

“It’s alright, really. They weren’t that important to begin with,” he held out his hands for the remaining papers and stuffed them into his briefcase once I handed it over, making sure that the lock was set right before straightening up to face me, “they’re just practice drawings.”

“Still though,” all that pain and effort, gone and wasted because of my stupidity.

He chuckled then and I looked up at him, quite surprised at the grin tugging at his lips, “honestly, it’s fine. Don’t beat yourself up about it.”

I nodded and decided to drop the subject, wondering how it was possible to feel even sorrier for myself when I thought I had already hit rock bottom. We walked up the station staircase together in silence, which I would’ve probably found awkward if not for the fact that I was mentally beating myself up for acting so foolishly. He must’ve noticed the tired lines of my face, for his voice rang out in the silence as he stepped out into the street:

“Hey, if you still feel bad about the papers, don’t,” he stopped, gazing down at my form with what I hoped to be a reassuring smile, “it would’ve been another story though, if these were my finals.”

I flinched, though I forced a faint smile back, “okay. I’m sorry. Again. Please don’t curse me to death or anything,” an idea popped into my head, “are you heading home right now?”

“Uh—yeah. Why?”

“Please…let me buy you a drink. Coffee? Iced tea? I just—“ my fingers were already scrambling for some money, “please. I feel terrible about this.”

He cocked his head as an amused smile graced his lips, “wow, you really do feel bad.”

“I do. Please?”

And that was how we found ourselves sitting at a cheap plastic table outside the convenience store that night, huddled in our too-thick sweaters and blowing at our hands while holding our beers close. Conversation flowed naturally as we sat and breathed in the night air, allowing life to pause for a moment and enabling my brain to disentangle itself from overthinking too much. It was nice in a way, the distraction of having someone to talk to, just so that I didn’t have to wallow in my own self-pity.

I learnt that his name was Song Mingi, and that he had recently graduated from Art School with a dream to be a full-fledged artist. He had one cat that he’d named Kimchi and absolutely adored anime because of the art style and the unique story lines. I learnt that he was quite fluent in Japanese and loathed the subway as much as I did.

“Right now though, I’m working at a design company,” he took a sip of his beer, head tilting and side profile backlit by the fluorescent convenience store lights. He appeared softer, younger somehow, than his actual age.

“You like it?”

“Not really.”

I threw him a pointed look, “is that how you say no?”

“Alright. No,” he laid his chin in his palm, “I hate it. I feel like I’m wasting my time.”

“But it covers the bills.”

“Yup.”

“That sucks.”

“It does,” he took another hearty sip as I gazed down at my own drink. And here I was, jobless and with no ambition, no dream to chase. Because I was burnt out before even starting.

“And you?” he asked as I glanced back up into his eyes — gentle eyes, I found. He had very gentle eyes, eyes that seemed to know a lot more than what he let on, “what do you do in life?”

“I am unemployed,” the words sounded even more grim as they fell from my mouth, and I averted my eyes to the table to avoid his own out of embarrassment, “and I’m pretty sure I failed all the interviews I had this week.”

“What did you study?”

“Marine biology,” my throat felt rough, choked up with emotion as I thought of how ridiculous I must sound to this total stranger who was both talented and seemed to have his life together. Maybe it was insecurity that made me spit out, “don’t laugh.”

A pause, before he said, “why would I? That’s amazing.”

My eyes slid back up to his, “I—because…well…” and I couldn’t help myself from spilling it all out. How I came to this major because this was presumably the most passionate thing I’ve ever stumbled across in life, how I’d studied so hard not to fall behind when all my classmates seemed to pass their exams with flying colours, and how out of all of us in our year, I was the only one still roaming around like a lifeless soul while most of my peers had landed themselves some high-standing positions at big-shot NGO’s and companies focusing on Marine Environment protection and sustainability.

I didn’t realize that my eyes had filled with tears by the time I was done rambling about the fact that our planet was dying and nobody seemed to be interested in that fact whatsoever. Not until Mingi’s hand came into my peripheral and I blinked, catching sight of the napkin he was offering me.

“Thanks,” I murmured, voice small as I quickly wiped away my tears. My cheeks felt hot, flushed from a mixture of alcohol and from the way his eyes were intent on my face.

“I…” Mingi bit down onto his lower lip. He’d moved on to his second can by then, “I don’t know what to say. You’re…”

I waited for the insult. For him to laugh at my ridiculousness. Or maybe offer sympathetic words that were devoid of meaning.

“You’re amazing.”

I blinked. Once. Twice. Slowly, my eyes fluttered up to his.

“What?”

“All these things you’ve told me, they’re so…real. And I wish I could be more like you, you know?” he leaned back in his chair, “I’m always complaining that my life’s not good enough. That I don’t have purpose. These kinds of thoughts that make you question your existence. But then you come along and you tell me all these problems — real problems that should concern everyone around us — that make me open my eyes.”

Was this flattery? A compliment? I didn’t know how to take it, considering the fact that I’d basically laid out all my cards in front of this man who’d been a total stranger just a few hours ago.

He continued on despite my silence, “the world needs more people like you. Kind people, who really want to change the world for the better. Not because they want to prove something. But because it’s the right thing to do.”

My heart lurched in my chest. Stranger or no stranger, hearing that made some of the weight lift off my shoulders, even just a little. How stupid. How pathetic, that all I wanted to hear was to be praised and recognized by someone who I barely knew.

Nevertheless, it warmed me. The warmth of his tone as he gazed at me from across the cheap table. That was incomparable to an entire life filled with nothing but disappointment.

“I—“ a hollow chuckle escaped the back of my throat, “I don’t know what to say.”

He was the one to flush this time, “sorry, I didn’t mean to pry—“

“No no! Don’t say sorry,” I protested, eyes darting between him and the drink in my hand, “it’s—it’s refreshing, compared to what I’m used to hear.”

"Wah, I mean...I took art so I'm not one to talk."

I can't help but giggle, "so we're just a bunch of nerds. Bet you watch anime too."

"Don't get me started unless you want to stay here till four in the morning," he chuckled.

I wasn't really sure how to describe that night in particular. It felt like catching up with an old friend and yet, I barely knew this man. Somehow though, it seemed like he understood the pain that simmered in me, the feelings that I bottled up for all this time and it brought me comfort that someone else could empathize with the thoughts that pulled me down by the ankles every time I tried to swim.

Something had changed between us by the time he walked me back to the station that evening. What had started out as a coincidental meeting of two strangers had ebbed into the softest brushes of friendship. I was more than giddy to exchange numbers in hopes of meeting him again.

That night, I fell into a deep and soundless sleep. The best sleep I'd had in ages.

>>>

The third time I saw Song Mingi, we promised to change the world.

It started out as him inviting me over for his apparently out-of-this-world shrimp pasta, to which I'd scoffed and broke his heart by stating that I was vegetarian. But that had only fueled his desire to make me fall in love with his cuisine as he promised me the best alternative to that.

He'd bought wine for the occasion, had managed to secure the apartment all to himself that evening, and had even decorated the table with soft scented candles and matching plates that brought out the magical air of first dates.

That was enough to bring a smile to my lips and I had looked over my shoulfer at him in amusement, "aren't you a romantic?"

I swore I caught his flush even in the dim golden hues that bathed the room, though he answered back with a scoff, "I'm an artist. Of course I'm a romantic."

"I was friends with some art kids, back in uni," I said as I sat down at the table, Mingi following my movements as he placed the pot of pasta between us, "and I gotta say, I felt like they were more cyberpunk and dark than actual romantics."

"Yeah, even art kids have their own little gangs," he wrinkled his nose, "honestly, I was pretty normal. Didn't dye my hair, no piercings in my nose, no tattoos 'coz I hated needles. People would keep asking me if I was a design student."

"Wait--isn't that like, kind of the same thing though?"

"It's different in the way we approach the subject matter. But yeah, I don't get it either. Why can't I be an artist and a designer? I don't want to choose."

"Ah, let the existential crisis strike again."

We clinked glasses, gobbled up the pasta with vegan meat that he'd replaced -- with too much confidence bordering on arrogance, I might add -- and as we spoke, my attention couldn't help lingering over his works until at some point, Mingi had relented and gestured for me to grab his sketchbook.

And that had been a game changer. It had opened my eyes.

Sure, I'd seen his sketches when I'd caused his spill a few weeks ago. But at that time I was all too panicked to actually care what had been sprawled over the paper...until now.

"So you draw characters?" My mouth was practically hanging open as I constantly gazed at the array of faces sprawled before me. They were beautiful. Stunningly so. And haunted somehow, as if wrapped in narratives of their own.

"Yeah. I like faces. I like people." I heard the shyness in his alto as he stood next to me, hand going to scratch the back of his neck, "I think they all carry so many different stories."

And they did. Their eyes said something different within each and every scene. My heart tugged with emotions I couldn't quite decipher for myself as I pondered oveer his intent.

That was when the idea hit me.

"Mingi," I turned to him, "you said you wanted to tell stories?"

Raising a brow, he said, "yeah?"

"How comfortable are you with animated movies?"

"Hm. I did some modules back in college so I'm not unfamiliar with it. Why?"

"This is going to sound crazy okay?"

Alarm flashed through his features. He blinked, "okay."

"Let's make an animated movie. About the ocean."

>>>

And he said yes. Just like that.

He heard me out first, worked through all the logistics of how we were going to create something together that would bring to life a vision of a new world, a world that would bring life within the marine ecosystem. Our meetings were flexible, in-between scraps of time that we'd get either during his lunch time or during evenings where we'd get dinner and discuss. But while I was unsure of whether I'd pushed him before even asking him about it, I caught a glimpse of the twinkle in his eyes, and that had made me pause for a minute.

It was the look of pure love.

Love for life.

In all honesty, a little part of myself fell for Mingi there and then.

"I was thinking it to be more like a kid storybook," I told him from my place on his sofa, watching him at his tiny kitchen desk sketching out some panels, "so that it's got a light mood with dark undertones."

"Yeah, it'll be more effective that way," he murmured, brows stitched together and lips puckered. That expression took ten years off his age, "I was thinking maybe we need a protagonist. Maybe she's a mermaid or something. Has animals friends and lives in the corals--"

"And she watches as all the fishing destroys her home," I finished with barely restrained excitement, "and she falls in love with a fisherman who decides to help her out!"

Mingi's eyes lifted from his paper -- that must've been the first time in a full hour since he was so focused on the task at hand -- and locked on mine. A grin slowly spread across his face, "I like that. A lot."

There was something in his gaze that made me heat up, though I made an attempt to shrug and look away to avoid the heat slowly spreading through my limbs as if someone had suddenly turned up the temperature in the room.

My week followed with a few more interviews, most of which were unsuccessful. One of them seemed interested enough -- a Marine conservation company that focused on dolphins and whale protection -- but upon scheduling an official meeting with the manager, I couldn’t reel in the horror that struck me as soon as I stepped foot into the enclosure. The dolphins barely had any room to swim around, let alone the condition of the waters that were more of a murky green than health aquamarine blue. The animals themselves didn’t look too happy to be here and god knows one could understand, considering the circumstances and the fact that this pool was the size proportionate to a tuna can.

The cherry on top though, was definitely the orcas. Top fins flipped to the side and with only three left -- the information board stuck to the entrance stated that there were at least ten of them -- it definitely appeared more to be a morgue than a conservation area.

At this point, I couldn't stop the tears. Pain scratched through my chest before I swivelled around with barely restrained anger, "you--" my nostrils flared, jaw clenching, "that's--that's what you call keeping them safe?"

The manager's eyes narrowed, "With all due respect, we--"

"You're killing them!" I yelled out, unable to restrain myself, "this is called murder! And you call yourself a marine conservation? What is wrong with you!?"

Needless to say, I was kicked out a few seconds after that.

But the damage was done. My heart was aching, practically empty of anything else apart from the horror I had just witnessed unfold before my very eyes. If they had a good reputation and were treating their animals badly, how about the ones that didn't have any funding? The ones that had smaller acres and less manpower to help?

How many animals were they killing in the process?

Sure, not all of them were like that. But that was a bit slap in the face. By reality.

Mingi noticed my wallowing silence when he came over that night -- I had cooked vegan burgers for the occasion -- though I tried to hide it behind the pretence of tiredness and lack of sleep. He wasn’t convinced though, for as soon as we’d dumped our plates in the sink and collapsed onto my worn-out red couch with frayed fabric ends hanging from its sides, the first thing he uttered was:

“Did something happen?”

I looked up, surprised that he’d picked up on my nonverbal cues since I usually prided myself on always managing to keep my emotions in check whenever I was in the public eye.

Admittedly though, this was a feeling I had never felt before. This wretched, this broken-hearted. I had seen documentaries, countless videos of slaughter and poor conditions.

But this, this was something entirely out of its league. This was horrendous. I couldn’t understand how one could even do such a thing. How one could think of this as humane, as a service to those beautiful animals that never hurt anybody.

“You don’t have to tell me,” Mingi continued in a rush, “I didn’t mean to pry--”

“They barely have any space,” I cut him off, voice practically on edge as the sight of the dolphins flashed through the back of my lids, “they--they looked ill. Mingi, you should’ve seen them. They didn’t--they didn’t look like they were going to survive in there and, I--I couldn’t not do anything so--”

My tears had already gathered at the corner of my eyes and I buried my head into my arms so that he wouldn’t have to fall victim to my sobs. It surprised me, though, when his warmth came to wrap around my figure, hand pressing against the back of my head so that I was nestled into the crook of his neck.

The murmur scratched the back of my throat, “I’m sorry--”

“It’s okay,” Mingi’s soothing alto washed away the nervous thought that maybe he was doing it out of sympathy. Out of pity, even. But he sounded more comforting than uncomfortable, which made me cry even harder into his shoulder.

It might have sounded stupid to anyone else; crying about animals that still had a chance at life, crying because they were forced to be in cages that didn’t serve them any better purpose than leaving them out to sea as dead meat. But I couldn’t help myself, couldn’t help my heart, from the deep sorrow that washed through me every time I pictured those lifeless creatures -- usually so alive and vivacious and just amazing to be around -- just wallowing in the waters like a bunch of dead floating bodies.

This wasn’t about allowing them to live. This wasn’t about carving out a better future for these animals. This was merely about trying to build a good reputation, and feeding off all the money they received because of good samaritans that wanted to do good and yet, had no idea of what was going on behind the scenes.

It was horrifying. Heartbreaking. And I couldn’t stand by to watch them all fall to pieces, to be killed to extinction.

“It’s okay,” he shushed me when he heard my sobs get a little louder. One of his hands soothed down my back, stable and comforting. I tried breathing in and out, raggedly, but eventually slowly settling into small hiccups as the night wore on and the pain subsided.

How stupid. How embarrassing. What an idiot.

Those were the thoughts that circled my brain as soon as my consciousness cleared.

"My neighbour had a cattle field,” Mingi said a while later when we sat side by side, one of his hands still on my back and rubbing slow circles. I had grabbed a pillow, hugging it for comfort, “back when I was still a kid. I had to walk to the nearest bus stop because we were so far out. We didn’t have any buses coming our way. Whenever I passed by that farm though, I’d feel so helpless to see all these cattle, bunched up together. There was barely enough space for them to breathe, let alone move.”

I sniffled and wiped my nose, nodding at him to go on.

“So one day, oh god. You’re going to laugh,” he chuckled softly, rubbing his face with his other hand, “one day I decided-- you know what? They didn’t deserve to live like this. I felt sorry for them. And they were getting slaughtered. Every single day. I was so angry that I went over to the backyard fence that afternoon and just opened the gate.”

“You did what?” My eyes bulged out of their sockets.

Mingi burst out laughing, “I know, I was stupid. And I wasn’t thinking about how this was the man’s hard work you know. It was what paid the bills. But I was naive and I just really wanted to help the cattle. So I set them free,” His laughter dimmed into chuckles, “all fifty-five of them.”

“Holy shit Mingi,” my mouth formed an ‘O’, “you’re crazy!” I started cackling, imagining a younger version of Mingi storming up to the fence with that same determined glint in his eye. I’d definitely done some crazy things back when I was still a child. But this one was unheard of.

He joined in and soon enough, we were laughing our heads off for god knows whatever reason. All I knew was that the ache in my heart had dissolved into a tiny stub the size of a burnt-out cigarette and my stomach now hurt from too much laughing.

“Don’t worry Y/N,” Mingi smiled down at me, those feline eyes soft and the curve of his full lips lighting up his features, “if they can’t see the wrong they’re doing now, then our project will.”

Right then and there, I believed him.

>>>>

I fell in love with Song Mingi the same way I fell in love with the sea.

I was not, until I was.

And when the realization hit me, I was in a little too deep to retract my footsteps.

Maybe it was in his gentle demeanour. Something I wasn't used to in guys. But Mingi had a sensitivity to him, a way with human emotions that made it easy to communicate. He was soft and kind and so open to everything and anything I said. He had a stubborn streak, but mostly for things that concerned his self-worth. And I hated how he couldn't admire his talent the same way I did.

But that was the thing with artists right? They always shied away from the limelight, let their works of art speak in their stead.

And what I loved the most about Mingi, was the fact that he listened. He actually took the time to listen and remember the things I said. It might have been little, insignificant. But it wasn't for me.

"Y/N! Guess what I brought for you!" He hollered one particular Wednesday night after work. He practically lived here, for his things were already sprawled onto the kitchen table from last night, and the night before.

"A donut? A latte? A pizza?" I called back while stirring the red bean stew as a quick dinner. The lack of response caused me to turn around, only to be faced with a bunch of red roses. I yelped in surprise, "what the-- what's this for?!"

My face heated up on its own accord as Mingi laughed and said, "Happy International Women's Day."

"What?" I blinked in shock, my curry now forgotten on the stove, "you mean, happy valentines?"

"Nope. No mistake. Today's International Women's Day," he grinned, "so here you go, a bouquet of roses to one of the strongest women I know.”

My face explode with heat and if it weren’t for me averting my head and hiding my face amidst the roses that tickled my nose, he would’ve guessed the way my heart beat for him. Too fast for it to be normal.

Another time, we’d been hanging out by the Han River sloppily eating our way through ice cream in zero degree weather and he hadn’t hesitated to give me his hoodie when he’d noticed the raw redness of my hands, the sniffles coming from my nose.

“You’re cold,” he’d stated with a small tut of disapproval. I protested with a shake of my head, but it had been no use. He was already pulling his coat off and not a second later, his hoodie was flung onto my face.

“Ow,” I mumbled as I maneuvered my hands through the sleeves, chest warming at his kind action. Mingi was a sweetheart, no doubt. And I really needed to stop crushing on him. He, however, did not make it so easy.

“Thanks,” I glanced back at him after stuffing my hands into his hoodie pockets. It smelled just like him, as if Mingi himself was wrapping me in his arms. The thought made my heart melt, “you didn’t have to, you know. I’m tougher than I look.”

“Sure, Y/N. You look like you could fly away if I pushed you too hard,” he reached over to ruffle my hair and I’d pouted then before jabbing playfully at his shoulder.

The more I spent time in Mingi’s flat, the more I got to know of his entourage, met his friends and saw how they genuinely cared for the said young man. In return, he met mine and it had become a habit to drag him along wherever I went and vice versa. So much so that it elicited a few curious glances and poignant questions that I tried avoiding at all costs for fear that they’d find out my true feelings.

“Mingi’s never been an outgoing kid,” Hongjoong said -- he was one of Mingi’s older childhood friends and they’d known each other all their lives -- during one of the evenings when the boys had crashed into Mingi’s living room and the flat had turned into a Mario Kart competition. Much to the displeasure of Mingi’s flatmates.

“Huh, that’s something I can’t quite picture,” I replied, gaze trailing back to Minig’s face as he yelled and high-fived Jongho and San. A series of groans echoed from the opposing team.

“Yeah, he’s grown out a lot more since university,” Hongjoong took a sip of his beer, “he does gets quite emotional from time to time. That’s why I worry about him so much. He’s sensitive.”

“I guess all artists are, in a sense.”

The man nodded, “yeah, but he’s been a lot brighter. Ever since you two started that project.”

I tried not to show that I was slowly becoming a blushing mess but it was hard to keep my feelings in check when Hongjoong’s eyes were piercing on my own, suddenly alert and filled with an intensity that made me want to squirm.

“You like him?”

The words were like icy shards. I froze.

I couldn’t keep the surprise from my face when I turned to face Hongjoong. My mouth suddenly felt as dry as sandpaper.

“Mingi’s fragile. If you’re gonna play him, I suggest you don’t.”

“I’m not--” the words ached as they escaped my voicebox, “I’m not playing him.”

“Then please, take care of him. He doesn’t show how weaknesses to everyone. But he has a habit of overworking himself, especially when it comes to pleasing others,” Hongjoong shot me a look.

My mouth reacted before my brain did. I blurted out, “why are you telling me this?”

And there was that look in Hongjoong’s eyes; the dark softeness filled with affection for the said young man that reminded me of that of a father’s. When he spoke next, his words were barely above a murmur, “because he cares about you, a lot. And I don’t want him to get disappointed.”

I wasn’t sure whether to take that as an insult or a compliment. Hongjoong’s words bordered on threatening, though I knew that it wasn’t the case. He was just doing his job after all; looking out for Mingi. But if he thought, for one moment, that I would go out of my way to hurt the latter, then that statement was proven wrong the moment I realized my heart beat for him.

As the coldness of spring melted away with the warmth of summer, sakuras went into full bloom and more and more people gathered outside to take pictures, couples strolling hand in hand while enjoying street snacks that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. Empty streets suddenly turned bustling, just like our current storyboard coming to life.

“I don’t get it though. Why does the fisherman do that when he knows he’s going to go jobless when he exposes the fishing industry?” Mingi asked one night while we watched the animation roll by in comfortable silence. The frames were almost done at this point, with only the ending to wrap it all up and the music to be added in the background.

I leaned against his desk table, slightly curving of his sitting form, “because he loves the mermaid,” I went straight to the point, not realizing that my voice had dropped to a whisper until Mingi turned in my direction.

“He loves the mermaid just enough that he’s willing to sacrifice all of that?”

It sounded dumb when he put it so simply. So I shrugged, “people do stupid things in the name of love.”

A slight pause as my words buzzed through the air.

"Would you?” He spoke up,” do that?”

My eyes dropped to his face. The depth of his orbs reflected in the dim light of his room had my heart shaking and impulsively, my hand went to fist onto my jumper sleeve. Just enough to keep me grounded.

“What--” I swallowed thickly, “do you mean?”

A few beats of silence ensued. Our eyes locked.

“Would you give all that up for the one you love?”

I kept my eyes on his even as heat littered through my cheeks, “yeah,” I bit my lip, “yeah I would. Probably.”

Something flashed in his eyes then. Something different, darker than what I was used to seeing. A silent breath escaped my lips. Electricity curled through the air, buzzing in-between us.

I didn’t dare breathe. Didn’t dare look away.

Mingi’s eyes traced my every feature, gaze flickering to my mouth.

My lips parted on their own accord and he must’ve heard me, for his eyes flickered straight back up to mine and-- had his eyes always been this intense? This beautiful?

His hand suddenly fluttered over my arm. He tugged.

I stumbled into him.

And then his lips were pressing onto my cheek. Softly. A little shy. Breaths warm where his mouth hovered right upon my skin that burned as butterflies suddenly exploded through my stomach. A gasp died in the back of my throat and as I gazed down at him in growing surprise at his stroke of boldness, I saw his eyes widen in realization of what he'd done.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to get into your space--" his scrambled murmur died when I shook my head to silence him, a slow smile spreading across my lips. I didn't know what to say though, what to do.

I finally found my voice after a while, "what...was that for?" I asked, tentative.

Mingi's head ducked shyly, hand going up to rub at his neck while avoiding my gaze like the plague, "I don't know," he admitted, "I just--I wanted to cheer you up. I guess?"

"You guess?"

His orbs flickered to mine, "don't make fun of me," he sounded like a child and a giggle erupted from my mouth, "I'm not. Just making sure what your intentions were."

I almost missed him murmuring out, "even I'm not sure."

That shut me up. I blinked at him.

"You looked sad," he looked away, "I don't like seeing you sad."

Was that a confession? Or was it just me being overdramatic?

I didn't bother responding out of fear that flat-out rejection was waiting for me just behind the door that broke the boundary between friendship and romance. I moved away and his arms dropped, clearly sensing that something had changed in my demeanour. For the rest of the night, we didn't address the issue, made it out to have been an accident, a small 'slip' if you will. In truth, I was a coward. Couldn't muster the courage to spill out the weight that was heavy on my heart and would rather lock up my feelings away, push them at the far end of my mind.

Maybe it was for the best. We were partners only for this project.

After that, who knows when I'd be seeing him again?

>>>

The day our story came to life was the day I almost told Mingi how I felt about him.

"It's done."

My brain couldn't process what my eyes saw. The animation kept on rolling forward and repeating itself, the melody becoming a numb buzzing background noise as the roaring excitement flooded through my veins, my heart beating so loudly I feared its sound echoed through the room.

Mingi sat next to me at his swivelling desk chair, chin on his palm and eyes glancing between me and the computer screen.

Ever since that night, there had been a weird tension every time we looked at each other for too long. It felt like an itch under my skin I couldn't quite reach, something that made me want to squirm restlessly.

"That..." my throat went dry. It was beautiful. The shading, the fluidity of the storytelling. Everything. "It's..." I struggled to find my voice.

It was beautiful.

"It's beautiful."

Choking up on the wave of emotion crashing through me, I couldn't restrain the sob echoing through the back of my throat and turning away from the young artist to hide the tears welling in the corner of my eyes, I jumped when a warmth ghosted over the back of my elbow.

"You okay?" Mingi's alto rang deep. He'd risen from his chair and it took me aback to see how tall he actually was. I barely reached his throat.

I nodded, fervently wiping the tears away, "I'm fine. Just-- it's hard to watch."

"Yeah," his features softened, "it was hard to draw."

If I was an emotional wreck, I couldn't imagine how hard he must have struggled throughout the whole thing. My body reacted before my brain did, arms flinging themselves around Mingi's neck as I heard him stutter out with embarrassment.

Burying my face into his chest, my body melted into his scent of soft men shampoo followed by a citrus aftertaste. His figure stiffened for a few seconds, before his arms slowly laced around my middle with a hesitance that made my heart flutter to my throat.

"Thank you," came my muffled mumble, "thank you, for doing this."

A small noise of approval rumbled through his chest, palms smoothing over my back in a manner so soothing it makes my limbs turn to mush.

We headed out to buy some tteokbeokki straight from the street vendor later that night along with some pizza to honour our success -- or more precisely, Mingi's success since he was the one doing the majority of hard work -- and as we settled ourselves on a bench in a nearby park of the neighbourhood, I looked up at the night sky with a soft sigh, knowing that after this night, my chances of seeing Mingi would be slim to none.

It wasn't that I didn't want to see him. It was more because he probably had a life of his own, a life he wanted back. He had friends that cared for him, had a stable job he needed to dive back into. He didn't have as much free time as I did.

Something like a jagged rock cut through my chest at the thought. I wasn't going to life; it hurt to know that Mingi's face wouldn't be a regular in my daily schedule.

But he'd done his part. The rest -- figuring out how to pitch that project to our sponsors -- was up to me.

"Have you made a list of who you're going to pitch it to?" Mingi's voice drew me back to reality and I blinked up at him, catching sight of the beer he held out in his hand.

I took it gratefully, cracking it open and taking a huge sip. The liquid felt good sliding down my throat, the familiar sensation of alcohol warming up my stomach.

"I have a few names in mind," the night breeze was cool as it washed against my features that seemed permanently doused in embarrassment, "I might try and pitch it directly to the National Ocean Board*. Though apparently, you need like a contact to get to the organization itself so I'll have to figure that out."

He hummed in agreement, "the hardest part's yet to come."

"No," my eyes swiped up to his, hating how easily he pushed aside his efforts, "you did everything, Mingi. I--I'm really grateful. I don't know how to thank you."

"You came up with the idea. You're the one who wrote the entire storyboard," he shrugged as he took a sip of his own beer. I tried not to stare too long at the bobbing of his adam's apple -- he looked so fine. There was no doubt about that. Even in his casual hoodie and training slacks decked in shades of black and grey, there was no denying that he had the charm and the aura of a model itself.

"I'm just the one who knows how to draw," he continued in an easy tone, which made me snap, "that's not true and you know it," my eyes narrowed, hands clenching a little harder on my can, "you can draw, sure. Anyone can draw, or learn how to anyway. But you can tell stories and trust me when I tell you this-- not everyone can," I shook my head, "not in the way that you do, anyway. It's magical, it makes you dream, it makes you think that maybe--" the words caught in the back of my throat as I swallowed thickly, "maybe there's still a little bit of hope left."

A soft pause ensued. The crickets chirped in the distance paired with the distant hum of cicadas. I kept my eyes glued to his, insistently trying to prove my point as we kept our gazes locked for a few seconds too long. And then, his features softened and his face broke into a soft smile.

A small that took my breath away.

He reached up so suddenly that I didn't have time to register the fact that his hand came to a rest upon my head. He ruffled my hair, in a manner so gentle that I stopped breathing for a full minute.

"Thank you," his murmur washed against my face, breaths tingling my cheeks and causing a splatter of warm peony to rise through the back of my neck.

I wished to believe it was the alcohol.

"No need to thank me," was the only thing I could mumble back, if only to hide how scrambled up my brain had become.

"You'll let me know, right?" Mingi allowed his hand to linger for a few drawn out seconds, before he dropped his arm and took another sip of his beer, "if ever we get a breakthrough."

"Of course I will. What sort of question is that?"

"I don't know. In case you decide to run away without any credits to the artist," he flashed me a teasing smile and I shoved his shoulder in response, "thanks for having absolutely no faith in me."

He laughed, "I'm joking."

"Oh, you're not. You're actually really serious about me stealing your work aren't you?"

"What? Of course not Y/N! Who do you take me for?"

"Who do you take me for?!" I huffled out playfully, " asking me these stupid questions--hey!"

I didn't have time to defend myself when he suddenly pounced onto me, fingers finding my weak points right underneath my armpits. I squealed, bursts of laughter and cries of protests falling from my lips as his hands scrabbled against my sides in an attempt to make me pay for my earlier comments.

"Mingi! Stop it--" I choked on my own laughter, hands failing to find purchase to push him away as he continued his attack without mercy, "that's for using me!" he gloated.

My beer caner spilled over the ground halfway through our playful fight and it wasn't until I managed to grip his wrists that I realized our provocative position; Mingi's body was hovering over mine that had toppled onto the bench, back pressed against the cool metal as I gazed up, transfixed, into those gorgeous feline orbs glinting in the dark light of the park.

The playful air stilled in light of the realization dawning upon me; that he was so close I could kiss him if I wanted to. His lips were mere inches. Would he straight-out reject me if I attempted to bring him closer? Those sinfully rose-tinted lips that looked plush and inviting-- my heart fluttered to my throat just thinking about it.

No.

Don't do it. Don't ruin what you have, a small voice echoed in the back of my mind.

Mingi, maybe upon noticing the change in my demeanor, slowly pulled back and pulled me along with him so that I straightened up. His head tipped down to the spilled beer cans at our feet, and chuckled.

"Well, that's a waste," he commented lightly, as if we hadn't just engaged in something a little more intimate than interesting conversation, and that made my heart sink a little.

"Sure is," I avoided his eyes at all costs, kept my gaze lowered in case he caught a glimpse of what he shouldn't be seeing in the first place.

The words were lingering on the edge of my lips the whole night, deliberately playing back and forth between what was best for us right now, at this particular moment. And if Mingi noticed, he didn't comment on it, though from the way his eyes would find mine in concern every time a silence lasted for too long, I suppose he suspected that there was something a little more that was bothering the depths of my heart even though I forced plastic smiles over my face and pushed my eyes into crinkles to mimic my usual happiness.

My lips held onto a bitter aftertaste when he said our goodbyes that night, as I held onto his sweater a little longer than usual, numb from the cold and the things that clogged up the back of my throat.

It tasted sour.

I love you.

>>>

Y/N: They said they would sponsor it.

My fingers shook with every key tapped onto my phone, brown orbs glued to the screen as I awaited for Mingi's reply. He was online, I had seen his status a few minutes ago before I mustered up the courage to tell him the great news that would've once made me ecstatic, would have me jumping around in joy and barely restrained excitement at the thought that my voice, our voices, were finally being heard after months of toiling and searching and begging and being thrown out of doors.

After that particular night where we'd celebrated our win, I'd been trying my best to avoid the said man when possible. It wasn't that I didn't want to see him. On the contrary, I had to physically dig my nails into my palm so as not to dial his number every evening when the silence, the overbearing numb emptiness, became too much to bear. But I didn't want to overwhelm him, not if he didn't want anything to do with me.

He never took the step forward to contact me first. I guessed that this was my answer.

Instead of pondering over what could have been, I decided to delve deep into my search for sponsors. Easier said than done though, considering that there were numerous marine protection companies that were using greenwashing for their customer market and blatantly refused to take part in such a 'horrendous, misleading act' as they called it. To fund myself for the time-being, I was grateful enough to get a job as a cashier in a Pet Shop from across the street from my apartment. It wasn't much, but it paid the bills and I was able to spend as much time with animals instead of human beings. Life seemed to crawl by at a slow snail's pace for some time, going through the ministrations of life and falling in a routine of going to work, calling companies and sponsors during my lunch break, gong back to work, then getting home and trying once more to search up other kinds of sponsors in hopes that they'd give me the time of the day.

It wasn't until a few months later that a small company in the outskirts of Seoul reached out to me. They introduced themselves as a branch of a bigger Western umbrella and after running a background check, I counted them as credible and accepted an interview.

Which led to the current situation.

My phone buzzed. Screen flashing: Mingi is calling.

My brain backtracked. Huh?

Fingers shaking, I almost missed the green icon before pressing the device to my ear.

"Hey."

"They accepted it?!"

A smile instinctively hitched my lips upwards, "yes," I murmured, breathless. Then, said it a little louder, "yes!"

Mingi laughed, "oh my god! They accepted it!"

I couldn't help but laugh along with him. His effect on me was incredible, lit me up on the inside and for a second I wished I could get a glimpse of his face.

I suggested that we meet up at a nearby café to discuss the details, which was weird, considering that it had been a few weeks since I last saw his face. I couldn't blame him, for he'd been having a tougher time at work and I was burnt out. Coupling that with our lack of communication and you got a friendship that was slowly fraying at the ends.

I forced my heart to mentally put out a front so as not to jump on him the moment I caught sight of his face. But that didn't prove necessary, for the moment I stepped into the quaint coffee shop filled with the mixed scent of books and fresh espresso Mingi was already wrapping me up in a huge bear hug, so tight I could barely breathe, overwhelmed by the familiar scent of his shampoo.

"It's been awhile," he grinned, pulling back to gaze down at me and I swore I felt my chest tighten at the softness swirling through his dark pupils. Everything, every emotion came rushing back like a tidal wave.

"It has," I managed to cough up despite the fact that my heartstrings seemed to be dancing around in-between my lungs. Just tell him already! "You look good, Mingi. Better than the last time we met."

"That's because we managed to finish our project before the deadline," he grinned as he tugged me over to his table. I took note of the worn-out black edge of his sketchbook peeking out of his backpack and had to smile. Typical of him, to be carrying out of his sketchbook even now that he barely had no time for his personal art.

We caught up on each other's lives and about the specifics of the sponsor. They were willing to advertise it on their social medias, their websites, as well as present it to the National Ocean Cleanup Day that was soon approaching, which was an opportunity for all aspiring artists and storytellers to present their art in hopes that it would be seen by an influential eye. Every commission would be ours and they'd only take 5% commission for their advertisement, a pretty good deal considering their reputation.

"I still can't believe they want to advertise it," he raked a hand through his dark locks. They seemed to have grown a little since then, "It feels surreal."

"It'll be a good opportunity for you too," I smiled back, "to get yourself known as an artist."

"Oh actually, there's something I haven't told you yet."

Leaning forward in my seat, my eyebrow rose in curiosity, "spill."

"Well, I'm actually quitting my job next month."

I blinked, "wha--wait, really? Did you get another job?"

He shook his head at that before his smile broadened, "nah. I'm not about that life anymore. I want to do what I really want," pausing slightly as hesitation flashed through his features, I offered him a reassuring smile, "I'm going to be a full-time artist."

My mouth dropped open in surprise, eyes widening, "Oh my god--No! You're kidding?!" and when he shook his head once more with that knowing smile I knew too well, my hands shot up instantly to grab at his with barely restrained excitement, "I'm so proud of you, Mingi! What--How did you--What have you planned?!"

"I haven't really planned anything yet," though his tone was unsure, there was no denying the full-out grin on his face, "but I've been gathering a bunch of my sketches. They all follow the same theme so I might just go with that."

"That's amazing!" I couldn't believe it. Tears were filling my eyes, "what concept are you going for?!"

And that was when his gaze locked onto mine.

"The sea."

I probably looked like an idiot. Staring at him like he'd grown another pair of eyes and not really comprehending his words for the first few seconds they settled into my brain.

That was when it hit me.

I gasped.

"W--Why?" was the only thing I managed to stutter out.

Though there seemed to be a layer of pink dusted across his cheeks, Mingi answered confidently, "because of you."

I gulped.

"I got inspired, kind of," his head dipped down, dark pupils lowering to the table as if he was too embarrassed to meet my gaze, "I couldn't understand how someone could be as passionate. I--I live in my head most of the time, never really notice all of these outside problems. And it's bad. I know it is.” His eyes fluttered up to mine and I lost breath at the intensity present in them. They swirled with a gentleness that was seldom present, a vulnerable sheen of maroon reflecting in the depths of his dark irises and yet, so intense at the same time that I flushed right down to my feet.

“But you don’t. You live to make the world better and I—I wish I was more like that. I want to be more like that. Because these things matter just as much as what I want to show inside my head,” he paused, hesitating for a few beats of silence before continuing, “when you first told me about the animation, I was—I’m not going to lie to you—I was scared, that I wouldn’t be able to fulfill your expectations. That I didn’t have that in me,” his hands, which had unknowingly turned to grasp mine, slowly interlocked his fingers with my own, “but I’ve never seen someone look at me the way you do.”

“How…” my words trailed off as I struggled to form a cohesive sentence, “how did I look at you?”

“Like you believed in me.”

Tears suddenly pricked at the corner of my eyes. Because he was right. I had had so much faith in Mingi that I lost my own. I had no purpose, while he did. He was so overwhelmingly talented at what he did that I wished I was more like him.

And all along, he was admiring me for doing whatever the hell I wanted.

“I—“ I tried turning my head, hid it in my sleeve so he wouldn’t see the tears brimming in my eyes, “I don’t know what to say.”

“Hm, I guess you can say ‘thanks Mingi, for seeing me as your role model’ or ‘hey that’s cool. I actually inspired someone’. Something along these lines,” he grinned as one of his hands released mine to cup my chin. Turning my face towards his once more before brushing the tears away, he murmured, “why are you crying?”

I sniffled, “because that’s the most wonderful thing someone’s ever said to me and I can’t help but love you even more—“

The words had bubbled out without warning and instantly my mouth clamped itself shut. I stared at Mingi’s shocked expression, looked back down at the cracks on the veneered table before me, and tried withdrawing my hands from his grasp.

Except, he didn’t allow me to.

“What…did you say?” his voice had dropped even lower. My heart jumped to my throat, nerves suddenly jittery, “you…love me?”

I tried chuckling, though I sounded more like a dying animal, “of a sort. You know, like a friend loves another fri—“

His pointed look shut me up and I brought my eyes back to the table. How embarrassing. How stupid. What an idiot. You’re such an idiot! My mind kept on screaming over and over and over again.

“Y/N.”

I didn’t dare look up, for fear of seeing someone I shouldn’t. For fear that one glance might break my heart into little pieces without warning.

He squeezed my fingers as a sign. His hand tilted my chin up to his. My gaze insistently glued itself to the crack running along the table’s edge.

“Y/N. Look at me.”

No. My heart screamed out. No, this is all wrong. This shouldn’t be happening.

“Fine then. You give me no other choice,” he sighed in what sounded to be exasperation and before I knew what was happening, I felt the softest touch of blossoming warmth over my knuckles. Eyes shooting up with a silent gasp, they went straight to Mingi’s as I took in the way his lips were brushing against the back of my hand.

To say that I was combusting like wildfire would be an understatement.

“Does that answer your question?” he whispered.

“Uhm…no.”

His gaze darkened. My stomach churned.

“I love you.”

I swear I could’ve burst out crying then and there.

“You—“ my throat was dry. Hearing myself say them sounded pathetic, borderline ridiculous. Hearing it fall from his mouth though…that was exhilarating. Magical, “You…love me?”

When he nodded, fresh tears welled up in my eyes. Mingi couldn’t help but chuckle then, reaching over to wipe at my cheek, “why are you crying?” he sounded amused.

“I don’t know,” I blubbered back, “because I thought you’d say sorry and tell me we’d never be able to meet again and I don’t know how I was going to live if that was the case—“

“I don’t think I’d be that drastic, Y/N,” bringing my hands up once more, he allowed his lips to brush against my knuckles, the mere action comforting me, “I thought it was pretty obvious.”

“Pretty obvious? Jesus Mingi. I can’t read you. You’re not obvious at all!”

“But what about that kiss on the cheek I gave you that time?!” He pouted, “that must’ve counted for something!”

“Well you didn’t do anything else after that so how was I supposed to know?”

“I thought that you were disgusted when you didn’t respond because you didn't like me that way,” his pout deepened and I laughed at how childish he looked. A grown young man who was on the brink of a breakthrough in his career, acting like he was merely a five year old child, “how was I supposed to know then?”

I bit my lip to stop the grin from spreading over my face. I failed, smiling so wide my face practically broke in two, “you’re kinda cute when you’re mad.”

Huffing and muttering some in-comprehensive words under his breath, he tightened his grip on my hands and lifted them to press against his cheek, where his face mellowed out into that soft, crooked smile that turned his eyes into half-moons, “so does this mean we’re dating?”

“Well that’s kind of bold of you, considering you didn’t ask me,” I tried keeping a nonchalant air, only to burst into a fit of giggles as the said man threw me a horrified look, “but I literally poured my heart out!”

“I’m joking you big baby,” I ruffled his hair for good measure and though he grunted, there was no denying that the grin on his face was a permanent one. It made a series of butterflies flutter in my stomach and biting my lip to keep myself from giggling like a silly schoolgirl, I felt the slightest tremors of happiness that sounded like my heart cartwheeling in my chest.

Mingi accompanied me home that night, not hesitating to slip a hand into mine and intertwining our fingers throughout the whole train ride. We probably looked like a pair of idiots, smiling so wide at nothing at all that it wasn’t surprising if we scared off a few passerby’s. As we walked up the street towards my flat, we chatted about nothing and anything at all and somehow, I felt a sense of peace that hadn’t been there ever since our project was completed. As though all the puzzle pieces had finally fallen into place and now actually made sense.

It was calm inside my heart, inside my mind. The turmoil of waves that always seemed to brush a little too close to my sanity were now reduced to nothing, giving way to the calm sandy beach hidden below.

“That was a little too short for my liking,” Mingi’s statement caused me to blink back to reality and the fact that we’d already arrived at my doorstep made my excitement drop to disappointment in my stomach.

I turned to him nevertheless, graced with that soft smile that rendered me weak and made my throat clog up with unspoken emotion, “well, thanks for walking me back home,” my hands knotted themselves together, a habit of mine whenever I felt the nervousness take over.

“You don’t have to thank me, you know,” he flashed his pearly whites.

I turned away, feeling my cheeks warm up before Mingi gently grasped the back of my elbow. Tugging me close so that I stumbled into his chest, his hand was hesitant as it fluttered over my face, hovering a little distance away from my cheek before he mustered up the courage to cradle it in his hold. His other arm wound around my waist to pull me a little closer still and I would’ve lied to say that I was completely rational at this point in time.

My sanity had practically flown out of the window back then. Only leaving Mingi and his warmth in its wake.

His brown orbs held mine for the briefest of moments, as if asking me in silent permission whether he was allowed to take this step forward that would change our relationship forever.

So I did it for him. Pressed up on my tiptoes and claimed his lips.

Just like he’d claimed my heart.

The stifled yelp muffled at the back of his throat was one of surprise as I slanted my mouth against his and slowly, but hesitantly, moved my lips in a dance I’d hope he wouldn’t find to his dislike. But I was worrying for nothing, for a growl rumbled through his chest instead and he kissed me back with barely restrained vigour, hands pressing me close to his chest so that I gasped into his mouth. He took that to his advantage, tongue darting out to meet mine and drawing out a soft moan from my voicebox.

We parted for air after what seemed like forever, and that was when he pressed his forehead against mine with a tender, crooked smile that made me want to slap myself for wondering whether this was actually happening, that this was real.

“So,” his murmur washed over my face, nose bumping into mine, “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Depends,” I shot back with a smile of my own, “Is it a date?”

“What do you mean?” he whined, “of course it’s a date.”

Laughing and pecking his cheek once, twice, three times until he turned his head to capture my lips with his, I pulled away with a breathless grin, pretty sure that I looked like a complete idiot with butterflies practically roaring through the entirety of my abdomen, “then sure, I’d love that.”

I didn’t know anything about what would happen to our small animation once it would be aired. There was a slight apprehension prickling at the back of my mind every time I thought about it, but somehow all this was overshadowed by the abundance of joy swelling through my chest every time I caught a glimpse of Mingi’s face, knowing that he was mine and that he believed in me, even if the rest of the world didn’t.

And that in the end, it would be okay.

36 notes · View notes

sweetkyu · 4 years

Text

blue | sunwoo

genre: angst, fluff.

warnings: swearing, mentions of alcohol.

word count: 3.7k

n/a: i was inspired by some of jaden's songs to write this fic, this is the first time i post something so be kind hehe

i lost the count of how long i was standing in the middle of my living room, watching the rain fall down through the balcony door, holding onto my cup of chamomile tea with both hands. my mind had already given all the laps around the world as i just stood there. eyes locked to the world outside. empty head, no thoughts. nothing but kim sunwoo breaking into tears when i decided to end our relationship, three months ago. every day has been painful and sorrowful like this, since then. of course sometimes i can manage to just take a deep breath and try to live a day without thinking too much about it. today is the worst day until now because it's the day we would complete five years of dating, that is if we were together. to celebrate it, we had plans of traveling to norway to see the northern lights, a dream we dreamed together since we were kids.

i met kim sunwoo way before he became the boyz' main rapper sunwoo. i could never think that i would be this crazy in love with him when we met, but we don't know nothing about fate, i guess. and me and sunwoo, we were destined to be together, made for each other just like adam and eve. we have so much in common, we share the same dreams, we want to achieve the same things. our moms were university best friends, we didn't have much contact as kids, until the day our mothers decided to put us on the same school to study together... but why would they do that? nobody ever thought we were going to fall in love with each other, but when it happened, to our families it was just perfect. however, ten years after the first day in school together and here we are, here i am completely devastated and drowned in regret, chasing for sunwoo in every place. i thought i would be strong after all these years of relationship, after all the silly fights and misunderstandings i thought i would be able to ignore everything and stay by him, for him. and still i didn't.

his fans knew everything about us, since we started dating before he debuted. i was always there, at all concerts, fanmeetings, music shows. whenever i had the time, i was there in the backstage. deobis were mostly okay with us being together, some of them had social media accounts dedicated for us, i would see everything... and by everything, i mean literally. especially the fans who would hate me and send me messages saying that they wanted me dead, that sunwoo would be better off without me and so much more. that was when i became weak and started to believe in them. that was when my life became a mess in all areas, i was going through a major crisis in my job, my father was sick, some close friends stopped talking to me for no reason at all and sunwoo was on a one-month tour in japan. i was feeling lost, lonely, and i had to do something.

it was raining just like today on that night. i was preparing another cup of tea for me, my third round that day, when he got into the apartment. sunwoo was happy that he was finally home, he would tell stories about the tour and i would just pretend i was listening to them. he could notice something was off and asked me about it. in a whisper i replied him, "i wanna break up". it got silent for long and hard seconds, until i collected courage enough to look at him. the most painful thing i've ever seen, little did i know that scene would be tattoed in my mind for months. beautiful round eyes that i adore so much locking the tears so they wouldn't fall down, he nibbled at his bottom lip before asking "are you serious?" and i took a deep breath before nodding my head as a yes. sunwoo, then, began with the questions, demanding to know where all of that came from considering that we were so happy together. i was rude in my answers, saying that i was tired of the relationship and that i needed some time for myself. moments later and sunwoo went out, slamming the door behind him after i claimed that was the end.

i've been living under this nightmare ever since, hating myself more every second because i was the one who put myself under this situation, who put sunwoo under this situation. for the past six months i had to just watch sunwoo through his work and social media, and sometimes i would know two or three things about him through chanhee, his fellow groupmate and best friend. chanhee was the only one who knew the truth about the break up and i made him swear he wouldn't tell no one, especially sunwoo, and so he did. in exchange, three months after, chanhee let me know about a mixtape sunwoo would release, mixtape which came out earlier today at midnight. i was kinda excited about this, it is his first solo work and i know how much he wanted to create something with his own touch, his own feeling. the mixtape is called 'blue' and it has only four songs, each named with every letter of the word blue. the songs tell a story on their own, so they make better sense if listened in order and all at once. in the lyrics, he talks about everything he had won as an artist and all that he lost because of that, all in a confused mix of feelings, sometimes full of anger and other times he would sound calm, and it's pretty clear that he is talking about me when he mentions a girl. since his group is now one of the most popular boy groups in korea, it didn't take long for his so waited mixtape to reach #1 in all digital platforms. i was so happy for him and so proud of his work, i even typed a text to send him but i just couldn't press the send button. instead, i expressed my happiness to chanhee, who was extremely comprehensive like always.

as expected, i spent the entire day of today listening to this goddamn mixtape. every time i would hear his painful words it was like someone was putting a knife into my heart and, oh god, why did i brought so much suffering into this boy's life? this question kept on hammering my head the entire day until i decided i wouldn't listen to it anymore. i finished my shift at work without listening to any music, the background sound would be enough to make me company. i got into the subway with my coworkers just like any other day, they would say something about going out since it was friday and i would pretend i had some other important thing to do. and now, looking at all this rain that is falling outside, i think it was the best i could have done. i look at the clock ticking on the wall and although it's not even 10pm i decide to call it a day. i turn off the tv, let the empty mug by the kitchen sink and drag myself to the bedroom, laying down on my bed, getting comfortable around my pillows and under my fluffy blanket, letting the sleep take full control of my body.

it's still dark outside when i finally managed to free myself from the dream i was having. a dream where everything was fine and i could be found inside sunwoo's loving arms again, feeling his heart beat against mine, smelling his scent, hearing his sweet nothings being whispered at me. but then, so sudden, i looked deep into his eyes and recalled that it was only a dream. i would cry so hard while he would just look at me with a smile on his face. it's been a while since i had dreams like this one. i woke up with tears falling from my eyes, body shaking from head to toes. it took me a while to calm down, when i finally did i decide to have a glass of cold water. after going to the kitchen to drink it, i find my forgotten cellphone onto the dinner table. once i unlock it, i find some unread messages from chanhee.

[00:14] choi chanhee: y/n, i'm sorry but i think it's better for me to tell you

[00:14] choi chanhee: we were at a bar, sunwoo was drunk and started talking about you, saying he had to see you and he left

[00:15] choi chanhee: anyways he is going to your place, we couldn't stop him i'm sorry

[00:15] choi chanhee: call any of us if he acts weird okay? he seems to be out of himself this days...

i let out a heavy sigh after seeing the messages were sent forty minutes ago, he will be here any time soon. to see sunwoo right now is what i want the most, surely, without any doubts. i miss him with everything that i have. but at the same time i don't feel ready enough for this, i'm not in my best moment, i don't know how i will react when i look at him; once it will be our first encounter after everything that happened between us. without noticing, i start pacing back and forth in my living room, feeling confused and nervous, anxiety growing inside me one more time that night and i feel my legs losing their strength, i sit by the couch as i try to take deep breaths in order to calm myself down again. this can't be happening, this can't be happening, this-- my thoughts are interrupted by the doorbell, followed by knocks on the door. i don't know how but i manage to get up and walk to the door with my jelly-like legs. i don't need to check before opening it. just like i had dreamed moments ago, sunwoo is right in front of me. dark circles around his beautiful eyes, the tip of the nose a bit red and he smells like he has been drinking and smoking for the past few hours. he is wearing black hoodies, black pants and black converse. all black, just the way he likes. i'm still giving no reactions, blinking at the sight of him, hoping for this to be another dream.

"hi" it’s all i can say.

"c-chanhee told me, y/n" he hiccups, taking a deep breath after "he told me everything" i look at him, trying to come up with a sentence but i just can't talk "a-about the haters and how that made you break up with me"

"sunwoo, i--" i stop in the middle of the sentence, couldn't finish because he literally jumped into my arms. a couple minutes later, i close the door behind us before readjusting his arms around me. with the head against his chest i can feel his heart bumping fast and his chin hovering above my head, and somehow it is recomforting. we stay like this for a couple moments, i stop feeling nervous and anxious as i feel his arms around me, calming me down, until his sobbing come into my ears "are you okay?" he nods, kissing the top of my head.

"i just..." i lift my head to look at him, red teary eyes looking deep into my eyes "why didn't you tell me, y/n? huh?" he holds my face with both hands "you can't do this, my love. how can you believe in what other people say when you know i'll love you forever?" he puts his forehead against mine and mumbles "please come back to me, i miss you so much"

"sunwoo..." i take a deep breath and whisper "i don't know..."

"please, my love, please... i do anything!" his breath smells like alcohol "if you want me to leave the group, i'll do that right now!"

"stop saying nonsense, you know you can't do that!" i shake off his hands away slightly and he seems pretty offended, getting some steps away and looking back at me with angry but still sad eyes, tears now running down his cheeks without permission. a muscle in his jaw twitches making him look scary, yet i'm not afraid.

"it isn't nonsense! it's the truth!" he shouts "how could you believe those words when i am madly in love with you?--" sunwoo paces around the living room, hands messing his hair as if he was having an attack.

"sunwoo, you're screaming--"

"i can't eat, i can't sleep! all i can think about is you!" he takes a deep breath “i have my own pride! you can’t do this to me--”

"it's late, please lower your voice--"

“you can’t just leave me sick like this!” i scratch my forehead at his screamed words “you can’t throw away what we had, not this way!”

“sunwoo, please--”

"why did you have to do this?” he goes on “we've been together for so long, how could you let us just fall all apart?"

"sunwoo..."

"i can't breathe when you're not with me, y/n! fuck!" he slaps the flower pot that once was on top of the table, making it fall into the ground and break into pieces.

"oh my god, kim sunwoo! stop acting like crazy! look what you did!" he stares at me, gasping. i feel my cheeks getting red at the sudden wave of mixed feelings.

"i'm s-sorry" sunwoo looks to the ground and sighs before dropping on his knees, hysterically sobbing "it hurts so much, y/n. you're my everything! i can't stay away from you anymore" he lets out while crying "now why... why would you?" i don't know what to do, but i still keep watching him while holding back some tears.

it doesn't take too much until i can't take this agonizing scene anymore. i know he is tired and confused and i'm definitely not on the mood to fight, that's why i kneel down in front of him and let my hands cup his cheeks. i lift his head, taking a good look at his face as i start to wipe his teardrops away, still fighting back my tears, feeling my heart break into tiny little pieces "why don't you take a shower so you can calm down and then if you're not too tired we talk this through, huh? what do you say?" he opens a sad smile and nods, softly leaning his head against my hand as he searches for more of my touches.

with a certain difficulty, i manage to get him back on his feet but somehow he lost his balance, hardly being able to stand on his feet, so i help him walk to the bathroom while he keeps on muttering that he is sorry for everything and that he wants me back, making this even harder. once we are in the bathroom, i help him with his clothes before pushing him under the shower, i open the faucet, letting the water fall on his head.

"ah! it's cold!" he complains in a hiss, hugging his now naked body.

"i know, but you need it" i close the bathroom shower door, hearing as he mumbles something about not having extra clothes, making me sigh at the fact that he had forgotten that he owns at least three drawers in my dresser.

i walk back to the living room and clean up the mess sunwoo made. when finished, i decide to have a couple more glasses of water to calm down. i still can't believe this is happening. i draw in a long breath as i walk to the bedroom, i open one of sunwoo's drawers, which is exactly the same way it was the day he left. i pick up some clothes for him and soon when i stop hearing the sound of the water falling, i get back into the bathroom to hand sunwoo his clothes. he shyly thanks me before i walk out the room to give him some privacy. few minutes go by until sunwoo shows up in the room, wearing the navy blue pajamas i picked for him, dragging his body to the bed, where i am sitting on.

"i'm sorry, my love. sorry i'm a mess up" he mumbles, stopping in front of me, just by the look on his eyes i can feel that he is completely exhausted, like he would sleep for an entire day if he could. i don't say much, sighing only before getting up to take his hand and sit him down on the bed. i take the towel away from his hands and start to dry off his hair. i feel his hand touch my waist lightly, his thumbs caressing my skin over the material of my shirt, touches ever so soft just like his voice when he whispered "don't be mad at me"

"i'm not" i quickly answer back.

"yes, you are. you're not even looking at me, y/n" he puts his hands on my hands, making any movement of mine stop and then i finally look into his now swollen eyes, all i can see is sadness and sorrow.

"i'm not mad, sunwoo. i just don't like seeing you like that," i try not to cry but it's barely impossible "it makes me sad and it's even worse to know that you're suffering because of me" he wraps his arms around my waist when i drop the towel to the bed, covering my face as i sob uncontrollably.

i find shelter in sunwoo's arms moments later, when he makes me sit on his lap. i curl myself up inside his embrace, snuggling my nose on his neck and feeling his fingers going back and forth on my skin, sometimes he would kiss my temper and whisper some words, reminding me that he was there with me, calming me down.

"i'm so, so sorry for all of this" i hear myself saying after long minutes went by, he holds my face on his hands, looking deep into my crying eyes "i was weak and made us suffer this badly" he nods at my words "i was in a bad place back then, i thought you wouldn't understand and got us all stuck in this even worse nightmare" he runs his thumb across my cheeks, wiping away some teardrops "i should've talked to you but i was afraid..."

"there was nothing for you to be afraid of, my love... we would have talked this through and find a solution together" i bob my head in comprehension as i feel his fingers put a lock of my hair behind my ear, tears falling silently this time "just like we will find one now, you are not alone. i’m with you, y/n"

"i'm so happy that you are here, sunwoo..." i let out in a whisper and i can watch his lips curve into a smile "i tried to text you before but i just couldn't" he nods.

"i understand, y/n. and it's totally fine" we grin at each other “and i’m sorry i didn’t call all this time and--” he is interrupted by a sudden yawn that makes us laugh, he apologizes right after "sorry, my love, i'm just feeling tired" he blinks lazily as i cross my hand through his hair.

"no, babe, i'm sorry for putting you up to this at this time, we should've talked in the morning" sunwoo shakes his head in denial, mumbling that it's okay "let's call it a day, shall we?" he nods once again that night.

"perfect idea, my love" i smile at him.

my hand fall from his hair to his chin as i put the other one on his shoulder. i lean myself and only closed my eyes after i saw sunwoo closing his, i get closer and closer until our lips locked. our kiss is small at first, slow and soft as if we were afraid of hurting each other but soon it grew bigger and full of desire. it was like my kiss had woken him up, his hands are now everywhere; first holding my cheeks then running down my arms until he got them on my waist, pulling me closer as if it is even possible. my own hands flew to the back of his head without me even notice and i feel his ones running up and down my spine, then holding me close.

"i love you, y/n" he mumbles in between our making out session, lowering his kisses down my neck and shoulder.

"i love you too, love you so much" i let out in a whine, panting under his caresses and this makes him smile. sunwoo stops all the kissing and leans his body backwards for a moment, taking his time to look on my face. good thing is that i can take a good look at his as well. he is gasping through his big and swollen red lips, black hair still a bit humid because i didn't make a good job at drying them, beautiful and swollen eyes that had stopped crying now stare at me with passion, making me feel like i am the prettiest woman on the planet, shirt all messy on his body and i swear this is the most beautiful scene i have seen, the dim lights from the bedside lamp only helping him to look even better.

"please don't you ever leave me again, my love" sunwoo prays in a whisper, one hand going up my cheek and i put mine above it "i don't know what i'll do without you" i lean my head to give his caressing hand a kiss.

"i'm not going anywhere" a smile dances on his lips and then he pulls me closer, making us fall on the bed and laugh together at it, before sunwoo kisses me again.

three months ago when he left, i could feel an emptiness growing inside of me, as if sunwoo had taken a piece of me along with him. but now i can assure that the hollow space i was feeling before sunwoo entered my apartment earlier today, that feeling is gone. kim sunwoo had always been that one source of happiness in my life and i don't know how i had the courage to doubt that nor how i managed to live all this time without him. again, we are like adam and eve. we are not perfect, we make mistakes, we are simply soulmates, born to be together. and i know that from now on i'm going to be fine, we are going to be happy.

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lavenderhq · 3 years

Photo

hello everyone ! ! ! i’m anth and i’m very much in love with kim jongin. anyways, i’m twenty-four, he/him, and from the eastern timezone! i’m also old considering i go to bed rather early. but anyways, enough about me and being excited to be back. i bring you changmin, who goes by the name of lavender (we’ll get into that), and he’s here to have a good time ! ! !

( anth. 21+. est. he/him. ) welcome aboard, changmin “lavender” lee, student #32. we are excited to set sail with you ! has anyone told you that you look like kim jongin (kai)? according to our records, you hail from seoul, south korea, prefer he/him, are cis male, and are here to study fashion design & dance. we also see you received a spot on the ss university because of your money — we won’t tell anyone. during your first few weeks here, other students said you were + debonair, + affable, but also - blunt. it sounds like you spend most of your time at the pool 3. upon checking your luggage, we noticed you packed a limited edition gucci jacket. hopefully your roommates don’t steal it!

general facts!

full name: changmin “lavender” lee.

birthdate: january 1st.

birthplace: seoul, south korea.

education: boarding school in london, england & some college in paris, france.

current location: on a boat.

gender: cis man

pronouns: he/him

sexuality: homosexual/homoromantic.

majors: fashion design & dance.

spoken lanuages: korean, japanese, english, & french.

height: six foot, one inch.

parents: lee cheolmin (president & chairman of the family’s conglomerate) & park aeun. (incredibly famous actress.)

backstory!

lavender was born lee changmin (i have to be completely honest i named him around another one of lomls, shim changmin) in seoul, south korea, on january 1st. he was the first baby of the new year in seoul, and he was plastered all over newspapers when he was born due to his mother’s status as a famous korean actress.

his father is the president and ceo of the lee family conglomerate. they have a subsidiaries in just about anything that you can think of and they’re one of the most successful congolomerates that exist. they’re based out of seoul, south korea. his mother, as mentioned before, is a famous korean actress, who’s very much award-winning.

lavender is the eldest of six children, he’s not really a fan of being the oldest, but, it is what it is, and lavender has always been a good influence and example for his younger siblings. he’s always gotten good grades and excelled in what he does.

as a child, he got really into dance, and his parents sent him to dance classes for stuff to do. then, he got really into fashion design, especially when he attended a fashion show when he was young that his mother walked in. he told everyone that he was going to be a fashion designer and a dancer. that’s all that he had ever wanted and when it comes to fashion designer, his parents just heard money - but, that’s not really shocking.

at age 13, lavender had begged his parents to send him elsewhere to attend boarding school. he really wanted to live a normal life, he was tired of being famous because of his mother, and he wanted to feel a bit normal. so, his parents had agreed, and sent him to a boarding school in london. when he was old enough, he told them that he would cover his own expenses, and started working a bunch of jobs to cover his expenses. this was something that really just made him feel normal, and what he needed. so, he spent his schooling in london.

lavender gained his english name of “lavender” while at boarding school. he really likes lavender and he’d constantly have lavender, so the kids at boarding school gave him the nickname of lavender, it was something that ended up sticking, and he’d tell everyone that his name is lavender.

after graduating from boarding school, lavender would return back to seoul, where he’d become changmin again. this time, while there, he had done his mandatory military enlistment, that he has to do as a masc korean citizen. this lasted two years, of course, as it’s normal, and he would leave seoul once he was one.

lavender would found himself in paris, france - as that’s one of lanuages that he manages to speak. he would begin to attend college in paris at a top art school, where he would begin his double major journey in fashion design and dance. he was really, really happy, to say the least, to be in another new place.

however, lavender was itching for more, and he told his parents this, and without having him really apply - when he could have gotten in on scholarship, they instead paid for him to get into seas. while thankful, he wished that he could get in on his own accord.

but, he’s here now, and he’s just really excited to be on a cruise ship going around the world, learning what he wants, and is happy he transferred.

personality!

to start this off, lavender is very much a soft boy.

he’s kind, charming, friendly, fashionable, and everything in between wtih those things.

however, he can be a bit blunt and stubborn, things that he really can’t help.

probably don’t want to get on his bad side cause that’s not the best that you want to do. once you screw lavender over, you’re done for good.

lavender is also a very caring person, however, being caring can simply make him be a bit reckless, because he can be protective and a bit overprotective. he can simply just be reckless about things and not really care about the consequences to this. his recklessness also goes hand and hand with him being impulsive, as his recklessness can be caused by impulsiveness. i think this is what can get him a bad influence.

over-all, lavender is a really good influence, but now that he’s being persuaded by a bad-influence, he’s probably very much now a neutral-influence.

fun facts!

he always drinks black coffee. either hot or iced, he doesn’t care. though, at holidays, he will spice it up with a peppermint mocha or a pumpkin spice latte. he’s a simple man.

can fluently speak, read, and write in korean, english, japanese, and french. these are all languages that he learned when he was rather young.

he likes to play video games in his free time. he’s not like one hundred percent that good at certain games, but he’s still playing them and doing his best. he really has his luck at times.

probably shirtless often.

very much a fish and loves being in the water. which probably explains why you’re going to very often find him at the pool.

he’s very excited about double-majoring in dance and fashion design because they mean a lot to him. he’s not entirely sure which one he’s going to go into when he graduates or if he’s just going to be independently wealthy.

he’s very, very gay. just very gay. that’s it.

he’s also a bit of a hopeless romantic, if he’s honest.

his playlists are a mess because they’re filled with all different types of music; pop, r&b, punk, punk pop, rock, kpop, jpop, etc etc.

#seasintro #⌜ ғιℓε∂ υη∂εя ⏤ intro. ⌟#⌜ ғιℓε∂ υη∂εя ⏤ about. ⌟

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bangtan-et-al · 4 years

Text

somnium finis 01.

—word count: 2,869

—prologue: A plane sinks into the Pacific Ocean, leaving the world mourning the loss of the 118 passengers on board. Seven of those passengers being the members of the famous K-pop band BTS. At least, that’s how it seems.

—genres: Idol AU, Mystery, Psychological

—contains: Themes of fluff, angst, smut, depression, and anxiety. Mentions of divorce and the use of strong language such as name calling and cussing.

—chapter: 01. 02.

—note: Because of the use of both English and Korean in this story, I found it appropriate to use some Korean terms as well as Korean honorifics. If there is a term you don’t understand, I found most of my sources on google or you can just drop me an ask about it. I’d be happy to educate!

…

“Ah, finally! I can breathe again!” You heard your roommate sigh as she removed her bra for the evening. You giggled at the sight of her, flailed out on the floor like a starfish wearing only shorts and a tank top.

The summer heat was really bearing down, and you made a point to be thankful for your AC everyday. You opted for eating cold, crisp fruits for lunch to further cool you down. The heat wave was taking temperatures to an all time high.

You offered Kimi an apple slice as you joined her on the cold floor. “It’s your fault for taking summer classes.” She popped the whole thing in her mouth and groaned.

She swallowed and proceeded to smack herself in the forehead. “Remind me to never do something so dumb again.”

“Noted.” You laughed with her for a moment before standing. “I’ll retire to my bedroom for some beauty sleep before my flight!” You spoke with the most posh English accent you could muster. “Korea awaits!” You added in Korean.

“Damn, I wish I could go see BTS in Seoul. I can’t believe how lucky you got, ____!”

Lucky indeed. You had been studying Korean for four years, and your professor had a surprise for the seniors. Round trip plane ticket and concert ticket to BTS. He said seeing them in Seoul was an experience you’d never get here in the states. Now that the class was mostly fluent, he felt confident you all could make your way around Korea just fine.

The person with the highest marks on the final won, and that person happened to be you.

…

After a nap you felt refreshed and so excited you could barely contain yourself. You went over your checklist once more for good measure.

Phone, charger, army bomb, passport, ID, tickets, wallet, ₩500,000 for emergency, and lastly your Korean to English dictionary, just in case.

You waved and bid Kimi goodbye as you left the apartment. Your Uber was already there waiting for you and with no more delay you were on your way to Seoul. After all these years of studying it from afar, you’d be able to get a taste of it, hopefully the first of many.

You remembered back to your high school days, when you first heard a BTS song. In your junior year you had heard the song Young Forever. Not their most popular, but the melody always swept you away. For the next year you became engrossed in their music, and it opened up the door to your love of everything Korean.

The food, the language, the culture, you couldn’t get enough of it. By the time you were graduating, you had already learned Hangul and read all the lyrics of Blood, Sweat, and Tears even if you didn’t know what you were saying yet. You decided to major in Korean Studies and minor in Korean language. You weren’t sure what kind of job that would get you, but it was more for yourself anyways. You wanted to learn all you could about South Korea. It was the next best thing to being born there.

Your father was ecstatic at your decision. He was full Korean, and your mother was American. They divorced when you were young, and you ended up staying with your mother because your father went back to Korea. Because of the separation, you never ended up learning Korean and were raised with only English. You kept in touch with your father, but only would see him when he’d come to visit you, seeing as your mother was never okay with the idea of you going across the world alone.

Now, with you and your mother having become distant since highschool graduation, your one true supporter shone through. Your appa. Even across the ocean, he was always so supportive of everything you did and could listen to you go on for hours about how your day had gone. You wish you’d gone to Seoul with him all those years ago.

But there was no point in regretting the past. Now, you were setting things right. In a year, you’d be moving there, and Appa was so proud to have his daughter pursue her ancestry all by herself.

Maybe he’d be less excited if he knew it was because of BTS and not him, but either way, you knew he was just happy to have you with him.

While lost in your own thoughts, you found yourself already seated on the plane. You put your phone on airplane mode and put in your earbuds. Even though you had just slept, as the plane ascended into the sky, sleep found you once again.

…

It was the last stretch now. After a long tour, the band’s last concert was held in Seoul. It was going to be bitter sweet. They didn’t want it to be over, but they were definitely looking forward to a break.

“Namjoon-ah, you definitely have your passport right?” Seokjin yelled across the hotel room.

“Yeah, yeah, it’s right here. Are you ready to go Hyung?”

Seokjin gave him a nod. “Yeah, let’s join the others in the lobby.” They both double checked the room and then headed out. When they got downstairs, the other members were all waiting with a couple staff members.

“Did Namjoon-hyung remember-” Taehyung started, but was cut off by Namjoon raising his arm with his passport in hand.

Namjoon sighed. “You guys are never going to let me live this down, huh?”

Jimin giggled and shook his head. “Nope, it’s your fault for having misplaced it more than once.”

Yoongi was standing there with the rest of them, but his soul was gone. He had a far off look in his eyes, and was doing all he could to keep from sleeping while standing up.

“Yoongi-hyung looks how I feel. Man, that concert was so high energy.” Jeongguk said through a yawn.

Hoseok nodded, “But, America is always great. Just when you think you’ve topped yourself from last time, they bring more and more energy. Even though my body is tired, my heart feels recharged.”

Yoongi groaned. “Recharged? Hobi, you’re crazy.” At his comment they all laughed.

One of the staff motioned for the members to follow them. They departed the hotel in LA at midnight after a long weekend of two concerts. All seven of them were completely beat and looked forward to sleeping the whole flight. They arrived at the airport and promptly boarded the first class seats. As the plane took off the inertia put down a pleasant weight that had them drifting off fairly quickly.

…

You opened your eyes. You were floating in the sky. A dream? It must be. You looked around, and saw seven beautiful men in front of you. All looking around and just as confused as you.

“A dream?” Jimin echoed your previous thought, only in Korean.

Yoongi let out an exasperated sigh. “I swear if we are having a shared dream again, I’m leaving BTS. I just want some fucking sleep.”

“If we’re are, then who is she?” Seokjin’s comment brought all their eyes to you. You froze for a moment. If this was a dream, you weren’t going to complain.

“Hi, I’m ____.” You introduced in Korean.

Namjoon raised an eyebrow. “An American accent? Do you speak English as well?”

“Yeah, English was my first language.” You answered in said language.

“For a dream girl, she’s pretty real.” Taehyung said, eyeing you up and down.

“I should say the same thing, this is my dream after all.” You corrected, switching back to Korean.

They all looked at each other. “This is different from the last shared dream, last time it was only us, and we weren’t conscious that we were dreaming until we woke up.” Jeongguk reasoned. They all nodded in agreement. For a moment, you thought of the possibility of this being more than a dream, but before you could think anything else, you were all ripped away from each other as your bodies woke up.

When you opened your eyes, you were met with an unfamiliar scene. You were no longer in a plane. You first looked up at a white ceiling, and then around at the unfamiliar room. There was nothing in there but the bed you were on, and everything was white. You sat up quickly and swung your legs off the side.

What on Earth was happening, another dream? You looked down, you were wearing the same thing you had worn to catch your flight, and to the side of your bed was your carry-on bag. Slipping the backpack on your shoulders, you crept to the door and slowly creaked it open.

“The fuck is this?! Where are we?!” And angry Yoongi stormed into the center of the space before you. It was a circular looking room with eight doors, including your own, and a hallway leading away from it.

The other members were making their way to the center as well looking around. Some scared, others still hanging between sleep and wake. “Is this still part of the dream…?” Jimin mumbled through sleep.

You stared at them all in awe this was too real to be a dream. You pinched yourself to test it.

…well that hurt like a bitch.

This was all real, it was really happening. You couldn’t find the courage to go out there, at least not until you grasped more of the situation.

“No, this is not a dream. What is this place? Why the hell are we here?” Hoseok spoke with an edge of what sounded like anger or panic in his voice.

Taehyung was pulling at his hair. “What if… What if we were kidnapped?!”

Namjoon clasped onto Taehyung’s shoulder. “Everyone calm down. Does anyone have their phone? Someone try to call 112 or maybe 911.” Seokjin pulled out his phone first and called 112.

The line hung up.

He then tried 911. That line hung up also. “Nothing is working, not even an out of service or range message!” They couldn’t call for help, they didn’t know where they were, and they were all alone.

Except for you.

Taehyung saw movement out of the corner of his eye. “There’s someone there!” At his word Hoseok jumped into action. The door you were hiding behind was whipped open. You let out a yelp and fell on your ass.

“The girl from the dream…” Hoseok stares at the with wide eyes and the other boys crowded behind him.

“H-hello…” You mumbled in Korean. You stood back up and brushed yourself off.

“Why are you here?” Jimin asked cautiously.

You nervously shrugged. “I don’t know… I just woke up here. Last thing I remember was being on a flight to Seoul from LA, and now I’m here…”

The members looked at each other. Surely wondering if you were to be trusted. You fumbled with your fingers nervously. Here before you stood the seven men you’d looked up to for years, and you couldn’t even raise your head to look at them properly.

You needed to let them know you were in the same boat as them. “Do you guys have any idea what’s going on here…? Were we kidnapped?”

Namjoon relaxed a little. “I’m not sure… There aren’t any windows, and no emergency number works.” You all made your way back to the center room.

Jeongguk peered down the hallway. “We could try going down there…?

Namjoon leading the way, walking in a defensive pose, taking every step carefully. “Everyone be quiet…”

The hallway opening up into what looked to be an apartment or house. There were still no windows, and mostly everything was white. It reminded you of a hospital.

To your left was a door with a screen mounted on it. There was an image of a line and a keyboard beneath it. Below the screen was something like a mail slot only wider and taller. From left to right starting from the door, there was a living space, a dining room, and a kitchen, all on an open floor plan. It looked very high end and modern, nothing you would ever be able to afford in your lifetime.

Taehyung was the first to approach the door. He typed the word “unlock” in Korean. A voice echoed around the space.

“Request denied.” It answered in Korean

“Holy shit it speaks.” Taehyung backed away from it.

“Let’s try English.” Namjoon offered and typed out “unlock” on the keyboard.

“Request cannot be accepted as entered.” The voice echoed in English. You stepped up and proceeded to type in every synonym and rewording you could think of to no avail.

Jeongguk was nearly vibrating with anxiousness. “T-try requesting something else completely?”

Taehyung nodded and typed in “hamburger”.

“Really Taehyung-ah?” Jimin grumbled. “This is no time to be messing around!”

“He said something completely different-”

“Request granted.”

“See?” Taehyung finished his sentence.

The mail slot opened and a tray with a single hamburger was revealed. There was a slight opening where the door on the slot lifted. You quickly reached your arm in the space in hopes to reach the door knob from the other side.

Immediately you jumped back as electricity shot through your arm. You held it close as every cell screamed in pain. “AH!” You landed on your ass for a second time. Namjoon was the first to kneel down to help you.

“Are you okay?!”

“Y-yeah…” You gritted out through your teeth. “Well now we know that doesn’t work…”

When the pain dulled to a throb, Namjoon helped you up with your other hand. “No one else do anything else before consulting the group consider this enemy territory. And Taehyung,” Namjoon paused to looked at the younger man, holding the unwrapped burger to his mouth, which was wide open and ready to take a bite. “No eating anything until we make sure it’s not poisonous.”

Taehyung lowered it with a groan.

Namjoon directed his gaze to you. “Do remember a dream before we all woke up here?”

You pondered whether or not to be truthful, but you figured transparency would be the best route to take. “Yeah… I introduced myself.”

“So your name really is ____-ssi?” Namjoon added.

“Yeah. And I’m sorry if my Korean isn’t good… I look Korean, but I only began learning it 5 years ago.”

“No worries. We understand you just fine. What we need to do right now is think logically and figure out what we do and don’t know.” All eight of you made your way to the living room and sat on the couches as Namjoon stood in the center.

“Namjoon-ah, I think we were on the same plane as ____-ssi. What if something went down while we were sleeping?” Yoongi gestured to you. “Do you remember anything?”

You shook your head. “No, I fell asleep during take off, so I have no idea.”

Hoseok eyes you warily. “We don’t know her, how do we know if we can trust her? She could be a part of whatever is happening?”

“Hoseok-ah, we can’t assume things-” Namjoon starts but is cut off.

“It makes sense for the seven of us to be together, but why her? She’s clearly the outlier.” No one can argue with him as he finishes his point.

Taehyung looks over at you. “____-ssi, is this burger safe to eat?” He holds up said burger.

You look at him confused. “I-I don’t know… But I wouldn’t suggest eating it.”

Taehyung nods, seeming content with your answer. “I trust her. She not actively trying to kill me. Taehyung.” He offered his name and his hand to you. You take it and tried to stay calm and push down the fangirl inside you.

“N-nice to meet you, Taehyung-ssi.”

“I completely forgot to introduce myself. Where are my manners? My name is Kim Namjoon.”

“Its nice to meet you, but to save some precious time, I already know everyone’s names.” You looked down, wondering if that came off as rude.

Jimin cocked his head. “Oh, are you ARMY?” He offered you a smile.

“N-no! I just, have heard about you all and heard a couple songs. I’m half Korean, so it’s hard not to know.” You lied, but you thought maybe you could make yourself more trustworthy this way. If you said you were ARMY, the next paranoid assumption would be that you were a saesang, and that wouldn’t help your case at all.

“Then lets cut the small talk and get back to the issue at hand. Why are we here? Are they holding us for ransom? What happened to that plane?” Yoongi butted in. His patience was running thin.

You pulled out your phone, and idea popping into your head. You googled your flight. What you saw made your heart drop to your stomach. It must have shown on your face, because Taehyung leaned in to look at your phone.

“What is it?” He questioned.

“…this article says the plane went down. It crashed in the water and sunk. They are yet to have found it. They’ve pronounced all 118 passengers as victims of the flight. We’re all listed as casualties.”

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jihyosforehead · 5 years

Note

can i get some seulrene angst please

delicious yes i got u (fair warning this is pre long!!!) …

seulrene meet in their university library

irene is sitting alone at her regular table, trying and failing to study for her advanced statistics test

in the middle of daydreaming about dropping out, seulgi turns up asking if she can sit at irenes table bc everywhere else is full

irene blinks and stares dumbly bc seulgi is lowkey the most adorable human being she has ever seen (the sweater paws are doing something to her heart)

and irene is distracted because seulgi is watching her lecture, knees pulled to her chest, elbows propping her head up, the tips of her fingers peaking out from her sleeves. irene feels her stomach flip uncomfortably

seulgi comes to her table again the next day and the day after that and at the end of the fourth time they sit together, seulgi starts leaving irene little snacks and finally introduces herself after realising she doesnt actually know irenes name

eventually they hang out outside of the library and realise they have mutual friends (seulgi with wendy and irene with yeri; and yeri and wendy with each other)

one day their whole group was meant to hang out but literally everyone bailed citing “personal emergencies” but seulrene didn’t realise this until theyre sitting in a cafe just the two of them

and it’s awkward at first but irene makes a joke about their friends being dumb and they go into this whole tangent of stories about their lives and they look at the time and they might as well get dinner since it’s late and they still wanna continue their conversation

irenes never met a person who could make her scream laugh so loud that people start staring

irenes regular table at the library becomes irene and seulgi’s regular table at the library and somewhere between that day in the cafe and right now, thursday afternoon approximately 3:43pm, does irene realise she has the biggest fattest crush on seulgi

and so she remembers seulgi’s fav snacks, remembers when seulgi’s tests are and helps her study for them, remembers her favourite movies and exhibitions she wants to see, remembers where she always loses her keys and has a sixth sense for when seulgi’s about to trip over her feet

and seulgi for all her clumsiness has a knack for understanding irene’s cold front and chips away at it, and it’s too late for irene to realise that seulgi has crawled her way into her heart and taken up permanent residence there

(she thinks she doesnt mind it)

seulgi runs off to the bathroom for a second and the open notebook catches her eye and irene finds herself picking it up to look at it more closely and it’s a drawing of her, looking otherworldly, almost unreal and irene is shookt. the book slips out of her hands and it lands on another page and it’s irene sipping some coffee, she flips the page and it’s of irene taking a nap, flips the page and it’s irene laughing - the notebook is snatched out of her hands unexpectedly and irene looks up to seulgi is standing there red-faced, stammering, apologetic and horrified but at the same time shes trying to be stern like “you cant just look at peoples things without permission! !!!1!” but irene is just like “this is how you see me?” and it’s a soft™ moment and seulgi has developed foot in mouth syndrome and is like “well yeah! u kind of mean everything 2 me u absolute dumbass !!!”

they start dating - to absolutely no ones surprise

their first kiss is in the middle of a lowkey night, theyre watching movies on irenes laptop in her dorm and sharing a blanket - tbh irene stopped watching the movie about 20 mins ago in place of studying seulgi’s side profile in wonder, her fingers twitching trying not to brush the strand of hair away from seulgi’s forehead. she settles for arranging the blanket more securely around seulgi’s shoulders just in case shes cold, you know? seulgi’s watching her the whole time and when irene looks up, seulgi’s eyes are just sparkly with fond affection and maybe love? but that thought is quickly cut off when seulgi presses her lips to irenes, so softly and gently and carefully that irene feels tears prick the corners of her eyes, she feels like shes going to break

but after that theres so many kisses. kisses in the library, forehead kisses, kisses before class, after class, any time in between; did well on a test? a kiss! did really badly on a test? a kiss!! maybe even an extra one! courtyard kisses, kisses in irenes dorm, in seulgi’s dorm, kisses at breakfast, lunch and dinner, just so many kisses!!

it’s a quiet sunday and seulgi and irene are redoing irenes dorm because seulgi scuffed the wall so badly it needs repainting and why not make a day of it? so here irene is, painting the wall, where it meets the floor bc her gf is clumsy but she is adorable and irene is in love, she thinks she’ll remember this day when theyre old and wrinkly and married

irene notices seulgi pulling away, distancing herself, acting weirdly guilty about something? irene thinks maybe shes done something wrong? is seulgi getting tired of her? tired of the relationship? it goes on for awhile and theres a heavy tension between them so thick, it’s almost tangible. and then one day when seulgi’s bailed on another date, irene shuts down. doesn’t know what to think. maybe seulgi doesnt love her anymore? maybe shes bored? irene knows that sometimes she can be really heavy handed with her affection but ever since seulgi’s pulled away, irene figured that maybe she wants space

seulgi turns up at irenes dorm, uninvited. irene swings the door open to find her gf looking equal parts sheepish and guilty. but shes holding a bag of food from irenes favourite restaurant, irene lets her in.

seulgi explains, hand rubbing the back of her neck, that when she gets into a funk, she just needs to go off and think on her own and is apologising for shutting irene out. irene is quick to forgive her. but as the night goes on, it’s clear that seulgi is feeling guilty for some other reason and when asked, seulgi just. she looks so sad

“a few weeks before we met, i applied for this arts school and i got a letter about 2 weeks ago saying that i got in. it’s really competitive and they only have a few spots available for international students and I didn’t think I’d even get in and I forgot but i got in. I got in,” seulgi whispers. almost as if, any louder and the words would be real.

“did u think i was going to beg you to stay here or something?” irene asks, softly. seulgi frowns deeply.

“no. i knew you were gonna tell me to go. but i don’t want to go. i want to be here with you,” seulgi tells her, desperately, voice cracking.

“u huge idiot, do u think that i wouldnt wait for u??? i would wait forever u huge dumbass!!!!”

the evening takes an obvious downturn. but they try not to notice. the next few weeks are seulrene trying to spend as much time together as possible. irene is trying her best to memorise what seulgi feels like in her arms; how she breathes when she’s asleep; the noises she makes when irene is pinning her to the sheets, marking her neck purple with bruises; how seulgi looks like shes close to tears when irenes made her laugh so hard that she snorts; the little fond sighs seulgi sends irenes way when she catches her staring over their morning coffee; how small she looks in an oversized sweater with the sleeves engulfing her hands completely; the way seulgi’s hands feel, fingers threaded through hers; how she likes to kiss irenes shoulder when theyre in bed; how for some reason when seulgi eats chewing with her mouth open it’s adorable instead of disgusting; and how irene is constantly brushing crumbs off seulgi’s clothes. irene tries her best to remember the slip of seulgi’s spine; the way she looks fully sated and satisfied; how seulgi’s eyes, dark and wide, always regard her with warm, open affection; how they can lay side by side in bed saying nothing for hours but irene doesnt need to hear words to know what seulgi’s feeling

but irene knows it isnt enough

because 2 weeks later, seulgi’s on a plane to paris with irenes heart in her hands and the kiss they share in the airport feels bitterly like a final goodbye

seulgi lands and sends irene photos of her food and the buildings and the friends she’s already made. and irene smiles wistfully

they facetime, and send each other texts every few hours, and schedule “dates” but the distance is so palpable that irene feels her heart ache something new whenever she sees seulgi’s red-rimmed eyes, yawning while sipping on a huge mug of coffee

“we should break up,” irene says. she can feel her heart crack at her own words, the tears visible on seulgi’s lashes even through the shitty facetime quality

“w-why?” seulgi sniffs

“because this isn’t working for us, this distance is going to ruin us completely,” irene finds herself saying, voice wooden and stiff. and she knows shes right because she knows seulgi’s grades arent as good as they could be and irene has failed a test and an assignment already

“wait for me,” seulgi is begging and irene is nodding her head frantically, promising tearfully over and over again that she would wait forever if she had to

so they break up that tuesday night, seulgi in paris and irene in korea. this has to be the worst facetime she’s ever had in her whole life.

it hurts like nothing shes ever imagined, irene thinks shes never cried this much in her life. and she thinks shes doing well but she catches a whiff of seulgi’s perfume on her hoodie one day and it starts a fresh wave of gut-wrenching tears and her heart cracks into tiny, little pieces all over again

they don’t speak for literal years

but irene knows seulgi’s doing pretty well; she’s already held a few exhibitions, according to wendy. irenes graduated and doing okay for herself at a nice cushy job

wendy didn’t tell her that seulgi was back in korea though, but irene is pretty sure seulgi is back because she would recognise that laugh and perfume anywhere

seulgi turns around and her eyes finds irenes and seulgi is making a beeline towards her. irenes pulse is jumping erratically

“hey irene, it’s been awhile,” seulgi says, giving her a warm look. she looks older. more mature. holds herself like she knows shes grown up. but, irene thinks, fondly, painfully, her voice is exactly the same. wraps irenes name in her mouth exactly the same as she did 6 years ago

“hey,” irene replies, with a smile of her own.

“i want to introduce you to someone,”seulgi says, a grin turning up her face, and beckons a tall, intimidatingly beautiful woman over, “this is sooyoung,” seulgi’s smile grows even brighter and irene feels her heart plummet, connecting the dots, “my fiancee.”

“o-oh, it’s very nice to meet you,” irene is saying, trying her best to sound sincere but she sounds so monotone and robotic and wooden, her throat is closing up and her heart has almost stopped completely, and she has to leave before she starts crying all over seulgi again

so maybe seulgi moved on without telling irene

and maybe irene never moved on. and maybe irene had always waited around for seulgi

maybe waiting forever wasn’t a good idea after all, irene thinks wryly, sitting in her apartment alone, uselessly wiping hot tears from her face that don’t seem to stop no matter how much she tries

irenes not sure how, but it hurts more than that night 6 years ago and shes never felt a pain so profound that it goes all the way to her bones; shes sitting on the floor crying and she feels so ridiculous for thinking this but shes looking at the spot where the wall meets the floor and she realises she didn’t paint it very well

#seulrene #seulgi #irene #red velvet #red velvet hcs #red velvet headcannons #red velvet scenarios #red velvet imagines #ask #anon #this was so much fun lmfao thank u for the ask uwuuu #this was totally ripped from that richard siken quote i have no shame that is fkn masterpiece #we goin thru it tonight boiiis wheeew 🥴🤪

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animeniacss · 4 years

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What I Want- BadBoy!Taehyung x Reader - Chapter 1 - Up and Out

Synopsis: You are an innocent, excitable new girl, moving all the way to Korea due to your dad’s new job. As you anxiously learn about the new world around you and how you’ll make your mark, you stumble into none other than bad boy Kim Taehyung and his band of six crazy friends. He seems to be bothered but you, something he doesn’t even understand. Will you be able to tolerate the shenanigans of Taehyung and his rowdy friends, or will you fall victim to his charms just like everyone else?

Featuring Jihyo and Dahyun (TWICE) as your friends, and BTS members as Taehyung’s group of friends.

Genre: Romance, BadBoy!V, BadBoy!BTS, High School Romance, Drama

Length: approx. 2.6k words

Chapter 1 - Up and Out

Being good was boring. Being good meant going to class on time, listening, and taking notes, studying! Yeah, no thanks. It was much more fun to be spontaneous, smoking behind the school campus during break hours, playing video games until midnight instead of scanning through a useless textbook, and yeah, starting the occasional food fight in the cafeteria when the teachers weren’t looking. Now that was fun, and it made things more exciting. That was exactly what Kim Taehyung was about, bringing more fun to his school other than those boring pep rallies, sporting games, and god awful school dances. No, he was going to make school fun in a different way, his own way.

You, being a bright-eyed new girl, had no idea about Taehyung and his god awful reputation. All you knew was that you were a bright-eyed, innocent girl who recently moved to Korea from your childhood home. At first, it bothered you, not wanting to leave your friends whose bonds were over 16 years in the making or your school that you were almost done with. Not only that, but you barely knew any Korean! Sure, your grandmother would speak to you in Korean when she would come to visit, but that was always very basic conversation and you always managed to reply in broken sentences and half-English remarks. But that wasn’t important, your dad had gotten a new and better job through his company, requiring you all to pack up your well-established lives and move across the globe. It was a bit unfair, yes, but as you began to learn the language with your mother, who was just as lost in the language as you were, you began to enjoy it. Not only that, but you tried to pique your interest more by watching some Korean dramas on Netflix, listening to Korean music, and learning whatever you could about your soon to be home. It was interesting, it was amazing! By the time you boarded the plane, you couldn’t wait to go!

The trip to Korea was exhausting, but you spent the entire time chewing off your little brother’s ear, who was trying to ignore you and play his Switch, but you kept being persistent, all the way until you landed. You were guided off the plane, your father using his fluency in Korean to help guide your family into cars and to your new home. It was nice, something your father was able to negotiate with his boss in exchange for uprooting his family. You were eager to look inside and see what new memories would be made here! As you headed into the house, you and your brother raced to find your new bedrooms. Lucky for you, you ran track in middle school, so you were faster. This nabbed you the bigger of the two rooms.

“No fair!” Your brother shouted in annoyance, but you smirked at him and closed the door in his face as your response. You looked around, seeing that the new furniture that was ordered had begun to arrive already, as your new bed and dresser were set up. All you had to do was wait a few days until your luggage from home arrived in the next few days and you would be able to set up. But what you did have, you put out. About a few days’ worth of clothes, a few pictures of friends and family, and letters covered in tear stains from the hour or crying you and your best friends did before you left. As you set things up, you hear a noise outside. It seemed someone had come by, as you heard indistinct chatter coming from underneath your window. Setting down the last of your things, you grab your belongings and head downstairs.

There you see your mom, letting in a few different people, older women about her age. They’re greeting her, smiling as they try their absolute best to communicate, your mom giving broken greetings in Korean and the others giving broken responses in English, all leading up to a good laugh between them. Behind them were a few teens, two girls about your age. They seemed sweet.

“Honey! C’mere and meet our new neighbors.” Your mother said, glee in her voice. You made your way over to see two girls about your age standing beside one another. Both girls were very pretty, one with short and wavy brown hair and the other with long blonde hair. They smiled at you.

“Hi!” The brunette girl said in Korean. Despite your excitement, you were nervous about being judged for your Korean. You blushed, shyly saying hello in shaky Korean. “I’m Park Ji-soo, but you can call me Jihyo.” The other girl, the blonde, gave a grin as she held up a peace sign in front of her face.

“And I’m Kim Dahyun.” The other girl said. “What about you?” You responded, giving a smile. “Sorry my uh….my Korean isn’t very good still.”

“Good thing you have us to practice with.” Dahyun grinned. “We both live on the block, so we’ll be happy to help you out.” You were silent for a second, trying to process what she had said. Dahyun and Jihyo chuckled a bit watching your eyes move from side to side and your lips mouth what Dahyun had said to you before your eyes finally went bright and a smile formed on your lips. You got it.

“Thank you!” You replied happily. “Do you guys also go to high school?”

“Yeah, we do.” Jihyo smiled. “So we can help you get adjusted there too.” You smiled, glad to know that you made two friends who were so nice to help you out while you were adjusting. As the three of you sat in the living room, your mothers in the kitchen, they fill you in on what school was like, and what kind of kids to expect. You were listening, fortunate that they were speaking some English to you within all of the Korean to make understanding just a little bit easier. It was fun getting to know these girls, they were kind and respectful, and Dahyun was a riot when she got going with the crazy personality you learned she had.

By the time you girls knew it, it was time to go home to rest. You said your goodbyes, exchanged phone numbers and watched as they left with their mothers. Your mother closed the door and smiled.

“Well, that was nice. Seems we got lucky with some good neighbors, huh?” You nodded in agreement. “Alright, it’s pretty late Tell your brother to get to bed, you both have school first thing tomorrow and the last thing you need is to be late.” Agreeing, you headed upstairs to relay mom's message.

“But I’m not tired!” The ten-year-old shouted in annoyance.

“Well if you don’t go to sleep I’ll be sure to tell Mom and she’ll break your Switch.” You said simply. Your brother groaned, knowing you were a girl of your word.

“Goody-goody.” He muttered as he made his way into the bathroom to get ready for bed, and you did the same. Tossing on a pair of old pajamas, you slid onto your bed with your temporary blanket and covers. As you got ready to fall asleep, you heard a ding from your phone. Turning to look at it, you see it was from Dahyun. You had been put in a group chat with both her and Jihyo.

Dahyun: It was nice to meet you! :D Jihyo and I can meet you tomorrow morning so we can all go to school together! J

You: Okay! See you tomorrow! Goodnight!

Setting your phone down, you curled up in bed. On your door hung your new uniform for tomorrow, and it made your heart pound a bit. You were really excited to go to school tomorrow, despite all of your fears about it. As you thought about what the experience would be like, you fell asleep.

The next day, your alarm woke you up right on time. Groaning, you stretched in your bed and hoped desperately that it was a weekend and you could sleep in and rest. But nope, your parents were already up, making the same loud noise they always do, and your brother’s footsteps pounding up and down the hallway too. Groaning again, you eventually got up and made your way into your bathroom. Combing your hair, brushing your teeth, and putting on your makeup, you went back into your room and slipped into your new uniform. You had to admit, it looked pretty good on you, the skirt wasn’t too short, the blazer wasn’t too tight around the chest, and it flattered you well. I feel like I’m in a Korean drama. You thought to yourself, spinning around in your mirror once before you heard your mom calling your name. As you headed downstairs, you weren’t surprised to see Jihyo and Dahyun down there, standing in the kitchen with your mom. She was making some breakfast and offered the girls some fruit, which they both happily took, before turning to you.

“Hey.” You said happily, heading to the table and grabbing a piece of toast, than spreading some egg on it. “I’ll eat this on the way. Bye, Mom!” You waved to your mother, heading out the door with the girls, your brother trekking behind, as the elementary school was a stop on the way to your high school. After dropping your brother off, you and your friends made your way to the office of the high school. You introduced yourself to the principal, who spoke some English, so it made the conversation much easier on you. You got your ID badge, your schedule, and a map of the school before you were on your way.

The school was bustling, full of teenagers pushing, shoving, listening to music as they perched themselves up against a locker, muting out the rest of the world. Friends threw arms around one another, grinning as they spoke about teenage problems like homework and love. You could only hear pieces of information as you made your way to your classroom, which fortunately you shared with Jihyo, and found your locker, which was in the bottom row of the homeroom lockers. It was a bit weird, being in a school where nobody knew you, and you didn’t know anybody. For as long as you were in school, you were always the one eagerly welcoming the new kid, showing them around and helping them get adjusting to their new life, and here you were. Now you were in their shoes, and you could understand why some people were hesitant to open up to you at first. It’s intimidating. You stepped out into the hallway, where Dahyun was approaching from her classroom next door.

While you were finishing up with settling in and adjusting to the slight feeling of anxiousness within your body, someone else was entering the school grounds. Someone who, with every step, he took closer to the building, had more and more eyes staring in his direction. He was unsure if these looks were out of fear, or attraction, or both, but he honestly didn’t really care. Running a hand through his hair, he stepped into the building. As he was getting his bearings, he felt a hard slap on the back. It was another guy, a bit smaller than him, but with full lips and a grin on his face stretching from ear to ear.

“So you’re finally back, Taehyung? How was that three-day vacation?” He asked. Taehyung replied with a shrug as the duo made their way down the halls of the school.

“It was whatever. How were the three days here without me, Jimin? Did you all fall apart like last time?”

“No!” Jimin said quickly. Taehyung raises an eyebrow, and Jimin pouted. “Well…Namjoon-Hyung broke that really cool statue in our room.” Taehyung snickered a bit at the thought of his Hyung. Yeah, that sounded like something he would do.

“What else have I missed?” He asked curiously.

“Nothing. I think a new girl started in our year, though.” Jimin said. Taehyung pursed his lips together, grinning as they walked deeper into the school.

“Really?” he asked.

You watched as students slowly began to disperse into their classrooms, saying goodbye to friends and kissing lovers goodbye. You waved to Dahyun as she headed to her class, talking with another friend as well as they disappeared into their class. As you and Jihyo were about to do the same, a voice was heard at the end of the hallway.

“Oi!” You blinked, turning to Jihyo. Her face immediately dropped, a hand going over her face. She looked annoyed, her thumb and forefinger rubbing the bridge of her nose.

“What’s wrong?” you asked curiously.

“I thought he was suspended for the rest of the week.” She muttered.

“Wrong!” You heard that voice chime again. It was deep, sultry, and it surprised you a bit. Turning your head, you became face to face with a brunette, leaning over Jihyo with a hand on her shoulder. He was grinning, his gummy smile fitting with his face despite his hard and tough appearance. “Did you miss me, Jihyo~?” he cooed, smirking.

“God no. What do you want?” She asked.

“I just came to introduce myself to the new girl.” He cooed, stuffing his hands in his pockets, and his eyes fell immediately to you. You stayed still, not sure what to say. “Well, hello there, cutie.” He said. “What’s your name?” You hesitated, but before you could give it to him, Jihyo took your arm.

“Her name is none of your business. Now go away, don’t you have a class to skip?” She asked. Taehyung snickered, shrugging.

“Maybe.” He said. “Why? Want to join me and have some fun, Jihyo my dear~?” Jihyo scoffed in disgust.

“You’re absolutely disgusting. Let’s go.” She said to me, and she led me inside. You glanced back at Taehyung, who snuck you a wink as he headed down the hallway, his friend following behind him. Jihyo sat in her seat up in the front of the room, and you stood in front of it, waiting for the teacher to come in and assign you a seat. “I swear, do not talk to him, okay?”

“Why?”

“He and his gaggle of friends may be super popular with the girls, but they’re all bad influences. They smoke, they skip school, and they get into fights…Just steer clear of them, okay?” You saw how serious she was being, and nodded.

“Okay. Okay, Jihyo, if you’re so sure, I trust you.” You smiled happily. Jihyo gave you a kind smile and leaned back in her seat. Just then, the door opened and the teacher walked in. He was an older man, a bit rounder and balding on the top of his head. He had glasses on, which he pushed up the bridge of his nose with his index finger. He approached you, and you introduced yourself to him, as well as your entire class. He sent you to your seat, two seats behind Jihyo. She turned to you and smiled a bit, before facing forward and listening to the lesson.

During the lesson, you did your best to pay attention to. However, it wasn’t long before your eyes started to wander. You were a decent student, but god was it hard for you to pay attention. Your eyes wandered to the window, where you could see some bits and pieces of the outside. From one of the corners, you saw a few figures of some boys. They were laughing, playfully shoving each other, and goofing off as they headed out of sight. Out of them, you noticed Taehyung, his head in a headlock from a taller boy, who had a piece of some kind of food in his mouth. From what you were witnessing, they didn’t seem like bad people.

But what something seems like isn’t always the same as reality. At least, that was something you were taught.

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#v #bts #bangta boys #reader insert #taehyung #kim taehyung #bad boys #fanfiction #kim namjoon #rm #kim seokjin #jin #min yoongi #suga #jeon jungkook #jhope #jeon hoseok #park jimin #What I Want ff

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johannesviii · 4 years

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Top 12 Personal Favorite Hit Songs from 2014

The “least good” of the three best years of the 2010s. This is still a top 12. Because I can, and I will.

I know. People also call it a bad year. And I think they’re wrong.

Disclaimers:

Keep in mind I’m using both the year-end top 100 lists from the US and from France while making these top 10 things. There’s songs in English that charted in my country way higher than they did in their home countries, or even earlier or later, so that might get surprising at times.

Of course there will be stuff in French. We suck. I know. It’s my list. Deal with it.

My musical tastes have always been terrible and I’m not a critic, just a listener and an idiot.

I have sound to color synesthesia which justifies nothing but might explain why I have trouble describing some songs in other terms than visual ones.

New job, which is the one I still have currently. Also, I discovered Doctor Who in December 2013 and you know exactly what happened in 2014 because I dived head first into the extended universe as soon as I finished New Who and I’ve never really recovered since then. The end of the year was highly stressful, with my cat being sick, my father needing a very dangerous surgical intervention, and me being so stressed out I was basically unable to sleep for days. Might explain why there’s a lot of cute songs on this list, I needed cute stuff.

That year wasn’t very generous in good albums from bands I liked. Epica released The Quantum Enigma, and it was okay, Within Temptation had Hydra, and it was also okay, and Coldplay had the very underrated (in my opinion at least) Ghost Stories, a mostly melancholic album full of bittersweet post-breakup songs. So I’m left with no choice but to declare The Birthday Massacre’s album Superstition my album of the year for 2014. They had stayed at a consistent level since Pins And Needles so I wasn’t expecting anything better from them, but boy do they delivered. Here is Divide, it’s about a subterranean world and it might be a metaphor but as you know I’m very literal-minded! Here’s Beyond, about a lady falling in love with a strange woman who might be some sort of fae or supernatural entity!! I love most of the album and there’s only one subpar song on it. I know they’ll never get a crossover hit but they’d deserve it so much. Look at the state of the world. We’re so ready for a new mainstream wave of energetic, angsty, weird music. Just bring it on.

There’s only one non-elligible song that truely pisses me off this time, and it’s Traffic Girl by Indochine, another single from their Black City Parade album. It’s about a policewoman in North Korea who has to wave and smile at non existant traffic all day long and the song presents her as a modern hero. It’s one of my favorite songs on the album and I’m so mad it didn’t make the French year-end list.

Here’s a list of honorable menti-holy shit why is this list so long

Albatraoz (AronChupa) - Riiiiiight at the limit between catchy and annoying. But it’s blissfully short.

Chandelier (Sia) - I would like this more if it wasn’t that painful to listen to, I swear.

Magic in the Air (Magic System) - Insert my usual comment about these guys and their fun & happy songs.

Un Jour Au Mauvais Endroit (Calogero) - Great music, good lyrics. It’s still Calogero and I tend to dislike how overdramatic he usually is. Not enough to ruin that one song for me though.

Je Garde le Sourire (Black M) - This isn’t the last time he’s gonna appear in this post.

Prayer In C (Lilly Wood & The Prick) - A bit repetitive but in a good way.

Budapest (Georges Ezra) - A bit repetitive but in a good way 2, the return but in a completely different genre.

The Monster (Eminem & Rihanna) - We’ve now entered the songs which I considered putting on the list, and yeah, there’s a lot of them even if this is a top 12. “Bad year for pop music”. Yeah. Right.

Addicted To You (Avicii) - This is good, and the music video is great, and I want to stop feeling emotional about Avicii. Please.

Don’t Tell Em (Jeremih) - I. Uh. What the f█ck. Okay. There’s no way I can justify this. I simply adore this beat even if the lyrics are really, really bad. It’s just visually stunning and I really wish the song itself was better.

Photomaton (Jabberwocky) - I don’t think this would have charted without the success of Kavinsky the previous year. But still. Wonderful stuff. Well deserved.

Madame Pavoshko (Black M) - This was on the first version of the list but in the end I really had no room left for it. It’s a song about a guy telling his old teacher he made it in life despite the fact she labelled him a hopeless case at school. With such a premise, it could be an angry song, but no, it’s upbeat, sarcastic and fun. Wonderful stuff.

Le Graal (Kyo) - Kyo? Wait, you mean the embarrassing emo guys from my 2002 and 2003 lists? These guys?? They were back on the charts after ten years?? And suddenly everyone thought it was cool to like them again?? Including me??? Sounds fake but okay

Turn Down For What (DJ Snake) - The last cut. Stim music at its finest, sharp, aggressive and colorful. Everything I ever wanted from a hit song.

Well, that was long. Here’s the actual list.

12 - Wake Me Up (Avicii)

US: #22 / FR: Not on the list

“So wake me up when it’s all over, when I’m wiser and I’m older” should make no sense. You can’t get wiser if you’re asleep. At least that’s what I would probably say if I didn’t feel this. There’s a lot of times in my life I wished I could be switched off and woken up a couple of years later and be like “hello I’m back, I feel better now, what did I miss”. I totally get it.

The only reason this song is so low on the list is the drop. I don’t like it very much. The rest is damn good.

11 - Boom Clap (Charlie XCX)

US: #34 / FR: #84

Boom! Boom! Boom! CLAP. That song got me after its first seconds. Love its atmosphere, very cotton candy-like, very fluffy, with a sharp voice. Doesn’t work well if you listen to it on a loop, though, and that’s the only negative thing I can say against it.

10 - Stay The Night (Zedd)

US: #94 / FR: Not on the list

This on the other hand works very well on repeat and that drop is golden. I’m afraid I don’t have anything very interesting to say about it. It stayed on my playlist from 2014 to summer 2019, though, so that’s an impressive feat.

9 - Rather Be (Clean Bandit)

US: #41 / FR: #18

Several critics I follow have commented this song is 1) mostly meaningless 2) too perfect to say anything about it and I agree. It’s also too perfect to be really passionate about it, unfortunately, but still, very, very good stuff.

8 - Magic (Coldplay)

US: Not on the list / FR: #66

You already know I don’t really like lowkey emotional songs and I also hate the first act of Coldplay’s career, so why on earth did I like Ghost Stories so much and why is Magic making me feel so emotional, you ask? Well it’s because the music itself isn’t bland. It’s lowkey but rich, dense and colourful, and it works much better than whatever they were doing before with their slow boring songs. Also, I really struggle with dramatic vocal performances on quiet emotional songs (which is why I tend to have issues with Adele’s voice on some of her stuff), and here the balance is just ideal. Soft colors, soft textures, soft voice, this is like a colorful plushie you’ve lost for years and just found in the attic and it brings you to tears. I adore it.

Also the part of the lyrics that goes “And if you were to ask me / After all that we've been through / Still believe in magic? / Oh yes I do”, that makes me want to hug someone and never let go.

7 - Waves (Mr Probz)

US: Not on the list / FR: #15

This is completely hypnotic. It’s perfect to drive, to walk, to draw. to sit on a bench and look at the trees. It’s just wave after wave of pastel colors with a good beat and it washes away your anxiety slowly but surely. Therapeutic and beautiful without ever feeling bland. Wonderful stuff.

6 - Uptown Funk (Bruno Mars & Mark Ronson)

US: Not on the list (#1 on the 2015 year-end list) / FR: #3

Everyone loved it and I wasn’t an exception. You all know it and I’ve got nothing new or interesting to say about it. A ton of fun. Love the lyrics.

5 - Sur Ma Route (Black M)

US: Not on the list / FR: #7

If you’re wondering what’s going on in this picture, the guy is parodying a lot of famous movies or series in the music video. It’s a simple but super energetic song about trying to trace your own road in life and all the problems you encounter and how you can’t always count on people you thought were your friends. It’s very propulsive and motivating and it’s my favorite song from that guy even though he made a lot of good songs. Just great stuff. Check it out if you’ve never heard it.

Speaking of being on your own...

4 - Ain’t It Fun (Paramore)

US: #47 / FR: Not on the list

I miss hearing that kind of thing on the radio and yes, I’m aware that makes me sound like an old idiot. Oh how I wish this had been released in 2010 when I just started to work, that would have been perfect. I know the song is supposed to be sarcastic with the whole “ain’t it fun being on your own” angle, but yeah, when your life wasn’t great before, it’s actually liberating to “live in the real world”, even if it sucks at times, even if it’s difficult and you have responsibilities and all.

Also the music video is super cute. Love it.

3 - Pompeii (Bastille)

US: #12 / FR: Not on the list

I’m honestly surprised this is only #3 on this list considering how much I loved this one back when it came out, and don’t get me wrong, it’s still a song I love to this day, just... a bit less. Maybe it’s because of overplay? I’m not exactly sure considering #1 was also played very often and I never ever got tired of it. And it’s well written, and it’s not every day that you hear a song about two dead people talking about the wrath of the gods after their city was engulfed in ash.

So yeah. Not sure what happened there. I hope this band is eventually gonna have another hit like this one. Bastille, more of Pompeii and less of Happier, please.

2 - Dangerous (David Guetta)

US: Not on the list / FR: #8

A few months ago I heard Memories by Maroon 5 and I was instantly filled with a truely disproportionate amount of rage for such a bland pop song. See, I love it when music uses well-known classical tunes and completely changes their context and tone, but Memories doesn’t do any of that, it’s just the Pachelbel canon with some bad lyrics on top. So yeah, it’s a pet peeve.

Dangerous, on the other hand, is a song mixing a small loop of Toccata & Fugue in D minor and it basically uses it as an ominous pseudo-police siren in a song about illegally cruising a car with your possibly criminal, possibly gangster crush and not knowing if you’re scared, in love or feeling the thrill of adventure, or all of that at once. I. Love this damn song.

When the only bad thing I have to say about a song talking about driving at night way too fast is “eh this isn’t as good as Kavinsky”, you know you’ve found gold.

1 - A Sky Full of Stars (Coldplay & Avicii)

US: #51 / FR: #9

As much as I love Dangerous, there wasn’t any doubt about what would top this list. I’ve spent about ten lists explaining how my appreciation of Coldplay kept growing over time and four lists explaining how much I loved Avicii, and this song is the best of both worlds. The first time I heard it, I was driving and, no joke, I was so overwhelmed I had to park my car to properly concentrate on the song.

One day I will have to paint this song to explain how fantastic it looks and I’d have to use purple, china blue and pink watercolor inks and basically paint a psychedelic night sky full of little lights and yeah, this is basically another of these songs that are deeply satisfying on a synesthetic level, and it joins this very select club with the blue song called “Blue”, the song full of bright flashes called “Lights” and the song that looks like gentle pulsing lights called “Fireflies”. I’m trying (and failing) to learn how to play it on the piano. I know the chords, and I suck, but I’m very determined.

On top of that deeply satisfying visual, there’s the soft vocals so specific of the Ghost Stories album, and the very simple, very cute lyrics, and I simply hear “'Cause you're a sky, 'cause you're a sky full of stars, I'm gonna give you my heart” and I die instantly. This is high quality musical fluff. Come to think of it, this list is full of it, and this is the Ultimate Fluffy Song. One fluff to rule them all.

Sidenote, considering I fell into the DW audios right when this song came out, that’s one of my theme songs for Eight and Charley. Because of course it is.

Next up: The beginning of a progressive drop in quality but you wouldn’t be able to tell considering how long this list of honorable mentions is

#Johannes’ bad not good pretty terrible music lists #music #long post #eye contact tw

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mihnn · 5 years

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Hello! Sorry to bother you. can I ask for a recommendation? The only Kdrama I have watch it's boys over flowers. Could you recommend me one of the likes so I can get myself into this world? I keep staring at your gifts and just makes me wanna starts watching them.

Sure. And you’re not bothering me at all. :D So many recs…

Shows similar to Boys Over Flowers:

1. Coffee Prince - A tomboy is mistaken for a young man, but maintains the deception for the sake of employment. The situation becomes complicated when her male boss begins to develop feelings for this “boy” and vice versa.

2. The Heirs - Kim Tan is the heir to Empire Group who has been sent to study abroad in the U.S. In reality it’s a form of exile, as his elder half-brother back home schemes to take over the family business. While in the States, Kim Tan meets Cha Eun Sang, who arrived from Korea in search of her older sister. He feels himself falling for her, never realizing that she’s the daughter of his family’s housekeeper. When his fiancée Rachel Yoo arrives to bring him back to Korea, his heart is torn between love and duty.

Shows that are cute and fun with a lot of romance and friendship:

1. Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo - Bok Joo is a weightlifter who is pursuing her dream of winning the gold medal but she then finds romance for the first time in her life. While she is a woman who trains with heavy steel weights, she is also very feminine when it comes to relationships. To focus solely on weightlifting would jeopardize her relationship but leaving her weightlifting career for love would keep her from attaining her dreams. It covers their coming-of-age stories and relationships through hectic life.

2. Strong Woman Do Bong Soon - Do Bong Soon is a petite, unemployed woman who is honest and kind. She appears little and sweet on the outside, but she is in fact very, very strong. Ahn Min Hyuk, who holds a great distrust towards the police, witnessed the whole exchange of Bong Soon’s superhuman strength, and now wants to employ her as a bodyguard after being threatened by an unknown enemy.

3. Shopping King Louie - The romantic comedy series “Shopaholic Louis” revolves around a handsome shopaholic named Louis, who is the successor of a vast business empire but becomes homeless after suffering from amnesia. Meanwhile, Koh Bok Shil, a country girl who lives a life that is worlds apart from the rich and famous, encounters Louis in Seoul.

4. Thirty But Seventeen - Woo Seo Ri, a violin prodigy at 17 who was about to study in Germany, got into a bus accident and fell into a coma waking up 13 years later. Mentally she is still only 17, while physically she is now 30.Due to a trauma he experienced 13 years before, Gong Woo Jin does not want to have a relationship with others.This series is about a man and a woman whose lives in their own ways essentially stopped when they were 17. Together, they use all their might to try and open the door to the happiness that they once thought had been closed to them.

5. My ID is Gangnam Beauty - This series tells the story of Kang Mi Rae, a girl once bullied for her looks. As a result, she became insecure, cautious around people and withdrawn. However, Mi Rae decides she wants a fresh start away from bullying and gets plastic surgery to transform her face. When she begins university, she meets Do Kyung Suk from their middle school days, who sees people for what they are on the inside and not the outside; he then becomes attracted to Kang Mi Rae.As Mi Rae begins to get teased once more and labeled “Gangnam Beauty”, the cold, aloof but kind inside Kyung Suk becomes the one person that stands up for her and in the process, Mi Rae begins to recover her lost confidence and discovers that true beauty is not on the outside.

6. What’s Wrong With Secretary Kim - The series revolves around the narcissistic Lee Young Joon, the vice president of a company run by his family. He is very self-absorbed and thinks highly of himself, so much that he barely acknowledges the people around him. Lee Young Joon has a capable and patient secretary in Kim Mi So who has remained by his side and worked diligently for 9 years without any romantic involvement. However, Mi So now want to set her life & focus on herself so when she decides to resign from her job, hilarious misunderstandings ensue.

7. Fight For My Way - Despite an increasingly hostile world, Ko Dong Man and Choi Ae Ra decide not to give up. No matter what others speak of them, they together make their own way to live a happy life.

8. She Was Pretty - As a young girl, Hye Jin was impossibly cute and had a comfortable life with her wealthy parents but since her teens, her looks and fortune changed abruptly and now she is living with her friend rent-free and working as a part-time clerk at a convenience store. One day, her childhood first love, Sung Joon, contacts her wishing to meet her, but recognizing Sung Joon has grown into a handsome and fit man, she quickly hatches a plan to have her pretty friend meet him in her place instead. After luckily landing a full-time job, Hye Jin is surprised to find Sung Joon as her boss, who is adding insult to injury, treating her with disdain and contempt.

EPICS with romance:

1. Goblin: The Lonely God - Kim Shin was once an unbeatable general in war who died a sad death. He now possesses immortality but is tired of living whilst everyone else around him dies. For 900 years, Kim Shin has searched for his bride, a mortal who can pull out the sword that binds him to the living. One day, he encounters Ji Eun Tak, a positive, upbeat high school student who can see the dead and has gone through tragic things, yet still stays strong. She claims to be the Goblin’s bride who can end his immortal life, but what appears to be an easy task only gets complicated as the two fall into requited love.

2. Mr. Sunshine - Mr. Sunshine centers on a young boy born into a house servant’s family and travels to the United States during the 1871 Shinmiyangyo (U.S. expedition to Korea). He returns to his homeland later as a U.S. marine officer. He meets and falls in love with an aristocrat’s daughter. At the same time, he discovers a plot by foreign forces to colonize Korea.

3. Moon Lovers: Scarlet Heart Ryeo - When a total eclipse of the sun takes place, a 21st century woman, Go Ha Jin, is transported back in time to the Goryeo Dynasty of Korea. She wakes up in the body of 16-year-old Hae Soo, an aristocrat living with Lady Hae, her cousin who happens to be married to one of the sons of King Taejo. She soon befriends several of the princes, who find her carefree and exuberant attitude refreshing. Although she knows she should not get involved in palace intrigues over the succession to the throne, she inadvertently becomes a pawn in the struggle, as several of the Princes fall in love with her.

4. Descendants of the Sun - Kang Mo Yeon is a pretty and assertive woman who works as a cardiothoracic surgeon at Haesung Hospital. She isn’t afraid to admit her mistakes and believes that capability overrides whatever connections you have. However, she is soon faced with reality that she cannot advance with just capability. Her life is forever changed when she encounters Yoo Si Jin, the Captain and team leader of Alpha Team who cares more about protecting anybody who needs help as well as his country, even if it goes against the order of his superiors. This drama will tell of how they both band together in a time of war and overcome the odds against them.

5. Memories of the Alhambra - Strong spirited Yoo Jin Woo is the CEO of an investment company with a degree in engineering and a knack for developing video games. He has an adventurous and competitive spirit. Suffering after his best friend betrays him, he takes a business trip to Granada, Spain in search of the mysterious inventor of an innovative augmented-reality video game. He ends up at a hostel that Jung Hee Joo owns. They are both drawn into a series of strange and unexpected events.

Shows that focus on real relationships:

1. Something in the Rain - Yoon Jin Ah is a woman in her mid-30s who doesn’t know yet what it’s like to date a man. She’s been dumped by a man many times because of her clumsy, reckless, and foolish behavior. Just then, Joon Hee appears and he is Jin Ah’s childhood best friend’s younger brother, who used to live next door. Jin Ah has always remembered him as a little kid, but one day, he comes back as a man. When she is surprised by his change, her gut feeling tells her that she would truly fall in love this time.

2. Familiar Wife - Cha Joo Hyuk works at a bank and has been married to Seo Woo Jin for five years. When a strange incident happens one day, Joo Hyuk makes a decision that impacts his life and those around him in unexpected ways. Suddenly, the life he had with Woo Jin and his best friend, Yoon Joong Hoo are gone and he is leading a very different life.How will his first love, Lee Hee Won, factor into his new life? And will it be possible to get his old life back?

3. Encounter or Boyfriend - Cha Soo Hyun is the daughter of a politician who lives a life where she is unable to choose her own path. After graduating from college, she entered into a loveless marriage with the son of a wealthy conglomerate, a marriage only beneficial to her politician father. She then gets divorced. Her life is changed further when she meets simple and kind Kim Jin Hyuk.

4. Matrimonial Chaos - Jo Seok Moo graduated from a prestigious university, but he pursued his dream of becoming a musician rather than finding a traditional job. Jo Seok Moo did not become a musician and because of his advanced age, he could not land a decent job. He then began working at a security service company. There, he met Kang Hwi Ru for the first time as his customer. They have been married for 3 years now, but Jo Seok Moo asks for a divorce. They do not have very much in common. Jo Seok Moo has a stubborn personality and enjoys spending time alone, while Kang Hwi Ru is easy-going and has a positive personality.Another married couple, Jin Yoo Young and Lee Jang Hyun appear. Jin Yoo Young is Jo Seok Moo’s first love.

Shows not focused on Romance:

1. Misaeng or Incomplete Life - Jang Geu Rae has played the game Go since he was a child. Playing the game was everything to him, but he failed to become a professional Go player. Now he’s been thrown out into the real world. When his gaming plans fail, the down-and-out Geu Rae is forced to get an office job as an intern thanks to an acquaintance’s recommendation for him to a large company called One International.

2. Live - The drama revolves around the incidents that occur in the police force and the joy, sorrow, and pain that police officers experience as they try to protect justice.

3. Argon - Kim Baek Jin is a popular anchor, reporter, and leader of investigative reporting program Argon. He does not tolerate unverified reports and requires facts he can personally stand behind.

4. Miss Hammurabi - Park Chao Reum is a newly appointed judge who is assigned to the 44th Civil Affairs Department at the Seoul Central District. She is always on the lookout for injustice and is able to profoundly empathize with others. Compared to her, Im Ba Reun is a cool-headed man of principle with the creed of ‘Court that is equal to all’, and he is displeased with junior judge Park Chao Reum who is overtly sympathetic when it comes to cases.

5. The Package - Yoon So So leaves on a trip to Europe with her boyfriend she met in college despite her parents’ disapproval, dreaming of a romantic journey. A few years later, her boyfriend heartlessly comes back to Korea alone, leaving So So behind. So So couldn’t help but start working as a tour guide in France to make a living. She leads a group of people traveling with the “Luxurious Premium Tour Package: 1 Week in France”.

These are just a few of the shows I love. There are many many MANY more, so feel free to ask. I know a few recs for law shows, assassins, murder/mystery, crack, so feel free to ask. I hope you enjoy your kdrama binge watch. Most of these can be found on Netflix.

P.S, - Added an update because I remembered a few more.

#kdrama #kdrama recs #anon ask #ask #mihnn answers #korean drama

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kpop4ever-17-blog · 5 years

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Offerer || Kim Taehyung

Author: Jade Taylor/ Group: BTS/ Member: Kim Taehyung/ Type: Fluff, some angst./ Words: 1,983/ POV: 1st/ About: Avalon is an offerer to vampire, Kim Taehyung. This is normal for her, and everything was going smoothly until she started falling for said vampire. Now, she wants to quit her job in hopes to put some distance between the two, but will he let her leave?/ A/N: The reason this one is in 1st person and so short, is because I wrote it some time ago, but I can't bear to part with it, and I want it to be posted somewhere. I figured why keep it to myself when I can share it with you! Also, please bear with me! I'm still trying to figure Tumblr out! I'm so confused! This text isn't supposed to be jumbled together, but I don't know how to fix it... I'm new and I need help! 😂 +++ I sucked in a breath, mentally preparing myself before entering the building. My converse squeaked across the snow white tiled floors as I made my way to the reception desk, the seemingly bored blonde only noticing me when I was right in front of her. "Can I help you?" She asked, monotonously. It's this same question everytime. "I'm here for an appointment with Mr. Kim," I replied impatiently, tapping my foot on the floor. "Name?" She asked looking up at me through her obnoxiously long fake eyelashes. I mentally rolled my eyes at her. I had been coming here for a little over a year now, shouldn't she know who I am by now? "Avalon Black," I sighed. She typed on her computer for a few moments before returning her gaze to me. "Mr. Kim is in the practice room right now. I have notified some staff that you are here and they will send him out to get you shortly. Please have a seat." I nodded and turned around, walking to the small waiting area that was set up specifically for people like me. I took a seat on the sofa that was unnaturally white and very uncomfortable, letting my mind wonder to what brought me to this moment... From the moment I was born I grew up around vampires. We learned about a war between the humans and these creatures in our history classes. We also learned about the day that there was a treaty of peace made between the two species, and they began to live alongside each other, but of course the vampires couldn't survive without the one thing they needed most. Blood. In the beginning, humans willing to provide their blood for the creatures were shunned, even after peace was established. It took centuries for this to become accepted, but I was born and still live in the day and age that it is. I had always been intrigued by vampires, after learning about them in school, and the day I turned eighteen was the day I knew that I wanted to help them survive. Even if giving my own blood was only a small part of that, it was something I wanted to do. So, I began my search for vampires that needed my assistance. That search lead me to Korea, where the population of vampires was huge, and I found myself at BigHit Entertainment attending an interview in hopes I would be assigned to one of seven idols they managed, that just so happened to crave blood. Even if I wasn't familiar with any of their names or their music, when I found out I was accepted I could hardly contain my excitement. Then, I met the vampire I would be assigned to. Kim Taehyung. Though quiet for the first few weeks I was coming to see him, only taking what he needed, he eventually began to talk to me. He was kind, sweet, and gentle. He made an effort to get to know me, and tell me more about him and his life, he even let me address him by his actual name, but... It grew complicated when I realized that the handsome vampire managed to steal my heart. Everytime he got close to me my heart began to race, and I started to think about him even when I wasn't with him. I secretly hoped he felt the same way, but he never let on that he did, he didn't act like he felt anything for me. I felt like I was just food to him, even though he was friendly to me. I was here to see him today, I was going to quit... I didn't want to leave him, but I couldn't take seeing him everyday knowing he'd never be mine. "Avalon!" I heard the deep voice that never failed to send shivers down my spine. Looking, up I saw him standing by the hallway that lead down to the practice rooms and private lounges, and took notice that his hair that had been an ordinary brown had now been dyed a vibrant blood red. Makes sense. "I'm coming," I replied, picking myself up and walking to meet him. When I was right next to him, he silently turned and lead me to the room we occupied every other day. It was mostly empty save for the navy blue couches. The walls stuck with the building's theme of white and the thin carpet was a charcoal grey. "So how are you today?" He asked once the door clicked closed. "I'm... Fine, I guess," I shrugged, awkwardly looking around the room, anywhere but at him again. If I saw those eyes, the ones that seemed to be able to look directly at my soul, I wouldn't be able to leave him, "How are you?" "I'm exhausted. Practice is very necessary, but very tiring," I understood what he meant. Of course vampires don't need sleep, but they could get physically worn out. The only way to replenish their energy, was the one thing they needed humans for. "Hungry?" I asked keeping my eyes trained on the floor, knowing full and well he was. Maybe if we got it over with now, I could break the news, go home, and begin the healing process. He would probably have someone new in no time. "That obvious?" He gave a small laugh, and I could here him shuffling closer. My heart rate began it's race. "It is. It's always been obvious," I smiled sadly at the floor. "But nobody else notices," His soft husky voice came from behind me, much closer this time. A gentle hand on my shoulder sent my heart into leaps and my whole body slightly tensed, "Nobody ever does, except you." "U-Uh... I think we should get on with this. I'm sure you've got better things to do," I told him. This was the reason I had to leave, his words made me feel like I was what he needed and wanted, but he didn't. "Well, if you say so... but I don't really have anything else do do after this," He said brushing my hair behind my shoulder, "As always, tell me if I hurt you." I braced myself for the temporary pain that a vampire bite brings before the numbness sets in... 5... 4... 3... 2... 1... His fangs sunk into the skin that connected my neck to my shoulder. Tears pricked at my eyes for a second, as it stung, but once it faded I was very aware of his soft lips on my skin and one of his hands gently resting on my hip. I was going to miss this, I was going to miss him, but staying would be putting myself through torture. I could only hope that I'd find some way to move on, and that he would find someone amazing that was actually worth his time. I felt his fangs recede, and his tongue brush across the wounds, light as a feather, sealing them so they wouldn't scar. "Thank you," He murmured against my skin, before pulling away. "It's no problem," I shrugged, still looking at the floor. "Why... Avalon, why won't you look at me? Are you okay?" He asked, I could hear the slight concern in his voice. "I'm fine," I replied too quickly. "You don't sound fine," he countered. "Taehyung, I said I'm fine. There's nothing wrong with me, but..." "But what?" He interrupted, "You haven't looked at me since we were in the lobby, you seem tense... Was there something I did to make you act this way?" He asked. My heart broke hearing him say that. This wasn't his fault, it was mine. "No!" I finally looked at him, eyes wide. I was met with his deep irises looking into mine with a worried expression, "You did nothing wrong! It's just me, I-I have to quit..." "What..?" I saw the worry in his eyes flick to sadness, then I saw the slight anger, "Why would you have to quit, unless I did something to make you want to? Why don't you just tell me what I did, without running away. I'm sure I could fix it." "Tae," I used the nickname that had become second nature to me by now, "I was telling the truth when I said that it was nothing you did. It's me. I have my reason's and I can't stay. It's too hard, and it hurts." I felt like I was going to cry, so I averted my eyes once again to the floor, only to have Taehyung in front of me in two seconds flat, gently pulling on my chin to bring my eyes back to his. I saw there was no longer anger there, only sadness. That broke the dam in my eyes and the warm tears started cascading down my cheeks, through these tears I saw the sympathy in his gaze. I hated to see such a beautiful person in pain, I hated it even more knowing that I was causing it. He would be so much better off without me here. "Tell me your reasons. Why is it hard? Why does it hurt?" He whispered, closing his eyes for a moment. My lip trembled and without thinking I opened my mouth to tell him the truth. "I-I love you, Tae. I have for a while now, but I couldn't tell you. I tried to force the feelings away, all you needed from me was blood, not love, but no matter how hard I tried, being around you always made them come rushing back. It hurts knowing that you'll never feel the same, and I don't wanna keep going through a love that's one sided. I wanna move on, and I can't do that with you around, so I have to leave," I explained, letting the words tumble out of my mouth. I watched his expression change to one of shock, and he said nothing. I guess it didn't matter that he now saw me differently, I'd never see him again anyways, "I'm sorry. I have to go." I pulled away and turned around, walking quickly towards the door ready to leave my humiliation and heartbreak behind with him. I brushed the tears off my face with one hand, reaching for the door knob with the other, but just as I was about to turn it, I felt a firm weight on my shoulder. The next thing I knew, I was turned completely around and pulled flush against Taehyung's chest. I swear I could feel my heart leap up into my throat and my eyes become the size of saucers. "You should have told me instead of trying to force those feelings away," He said lowly, arms circling my waist, "You don't know how wrong you are, Avalon... Your love isn't one sided. It's far from it. I love you too, I have for the longest time." Suddenly I felt his hand gently tugging on my chin again, forcing me to look him in the eye. When I did, I had little time to see him before his lips brushed mine. My eyes fluttered closed as the gentle brushing turned into a loving and passionate kiss, our lips molding together and moving in perfect sync. It was sweet, almost like strawberries and if I thought my heart could race before... It was nothing compared to this. This was amazing and it felt like I was on cloud nine. All too soon, he pulled away, but he kept me there in his arms, his forehead resting against my own. A small smile tugged at my lips as I looked at him, sure my eyes must be sparkling with happiness. "You definitely can't leave me now," He whispered to me with a small smile of his own, "You can't leave cause you're mine."

#BTS #vampireau #vampirev #vampire kim taehung #Kim Taehyung #BTS imagines #bts fluff #Kim Taehyung fluff #bangtan #fanfiction

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genericpseudonyms · 6 years

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I learned a lot at school. How to calculate the trajectory of an object in motion. The difference between existentialism and transcendentalism. That the slope of a line is rise over run. Energy is mass times the speed of light squared. I learned about the Federalist Papers and how you can trace the origins of World War II back to the Treaty of Versailles. I learned that your assets are the net total of your liabilities and equity. I learned how to soliloquize in front of a crowd. I got up on stage and asked a half-full theater, to be, or not to be? These are a lot of fancy words to hide all the things school never taught me. Like, how to stay kind in the face of immeasurable grief. How to mend a broken heart. How to come to peace with the dream of a childhood I will never have. How to find the will to live when you are a suicidal teenager-cum-suicidal young adult. How to cope with post traumatic stress disorder from rape and childhood abuse. How to cope with depression. How to get on medication, deal with the side effects, and still show up everyday to your 9-to-5 job. How to forgive my imperfect parents. How to love and forgive myself. What I’ve learned is that everyone is awkward. Everyone is struggling. Everyone is afraid. Emotions, as it turns out, give life its color but they can’t be controlled. And when you know that, it becomes easier to forgive. Adulthood is simply how bravely you meet uncomfortable situations. Honesty is hard. Being yourself in front of others is hard. If you choose to wear your grief openly, frankly, and plainly, people will shirk away from you. Not because they are cruel—but because it makes them uncomfortable. They don’t know what to say, they think you need them to say the perfect thing because characters in movies always know what to say. My own mother didn’t know how to tell me my father lies on his deathbed. She left a rambling five minute voicemail and ignored my followup messages. My stepmother couldn’t say anything over the phone. I spent 72 hours confused as to whether or not I should listen to my gut and fly to Korea. It made me angry. The kind thing would’ve been to tell me. Your father’s been given a week left to live. He’s on a ventilator and can’t breathe on his own. He’s having trouble recognizing faces. He is skeletal. His skin stretches taut like cracked leather over his bones. His hands, the ones that were once strong enough to squeeze your mother’s throat, are swollen and weak. He is dying in a green-tinted hospice room with two other nameless men and of his three surviving children, you are the only one he’s asking to see. He can’t tell night from day, New York from Korea, but he remembers your name. He wants to see you. He wants to see you, but whether or not you come is your choice. That would’ve been kindness. Kindness is traveling 20 hours from JFK to Incheon to a tiny rural island in the dead of night with relatives who don’t speak English. It’s forgetting how tired you are as soon as you get to the hospice and running up four flights of stairs in the middle of the night. It’s seeing your father, a complicated man who you cannot totally forgive, gasping for air like a landed fish. It’s listening to the death rattles of dying men around you, the wheezing in their chest and watching tears roll down their eyes at the pain of fluid filling their lungs, and being thankful that your father is spared. It’s crying, holding his frail hand in yours, yelling in his ear, hoping he can hear you, “I’m here. I came all this way. I made it here. You can let go now. You don’t have to suffer anymore.” Because forgiveness is instantaneous. It was midnight at the end of May and I held his hand. I kissed his cheek and told him all the ways I am succeeding. It is, frankly, more than he deserves. But love and kindness is not about what people deserve. It’s what you wish for them. And for my father, I wish an end to his lifetime of suffering.

LESSONS IN GRIEF AND KINDNESS, 06.01.2018

#spilled ink #spilled words #prose #memoir #excerpts from a book I'll never write #writing #my writing #quotes #death #forgiveness #diary

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catastrothicc · 6 years

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when will i learn to write an intro post

hello friens my name is kit im 19 and i use them/they pronouns. i love the color GREEN as u can tell and im a cancer ..... i literally don’t kno who i am besides that so ! ey letz gO .... oh yea my timezone is mdt . bu ckle . ... .. . u p

fiRST we have rocky whomst some of u kNO bc he was That guy in paracosms anD created by the m ost crea tive admins iv’e ever seEN i got blessedt 2 play him and to play him agAIN in literally the most mentally straining au for any character .... paracosms verse ! x

i previously made an intro post for him here so i’m just gonna link it and walk away .. .. .... also his stats page still lives here !!! keeping in mind that he is no longer a drug ring leader ..... he recently discovered that his wHOLE LIFE is a LIE and that he’s a helpless robot stuck in hell with a bunch of other robots who want 2 murder him and every(robot)body he loves

find his pinterest board here , someday a whole ass playlist too

neXT we have minjae ... he’s my oldest character in this batch but that doesn’t mean i especially love him .... just means i’ve made him suffer the longest .... . . . tw: child abuse ( pinterest board , playlist 1 , playlist 2 )

minjae is in the main verse ! find him bullshitting through college and b-boying in the camden streets

he’s twenty-one and a virgo , born in busan , south korea

he found his way to london when his parents sent him away to study abroad highkey because that’s a big fancy thing in korea they can brag about and lowkey to get rid of him for as long as they can

his relationship with his family is ..... interestingly strained . his parents WON’T admit that he’s tiring as hell to deal with and how much stress he causes because they try their best to be supporting/loving parents but honestly minjae KNOWS how much they just wISH he was fucking gONE from their lives ( okay maybe not THAT intense but things rlly blow up in his head ) but he doesn’t even worry about it he just deals with the fact that he’s a terrible son

he was diagnosed with odd when he was eight years old, after his mom got tired and increasingly concerned with his disruptive and violent behavior

a few years prior , minjae’s biological dad left them and his mom kind of took it upon herself to try and make it up to him . that meant she was always careful around him and treated him as if he was fragile because minjae felt some blame that his dad left .

his biological dad did Not have any patience for his kid’s mental health , meaning he and minjae would fight often to the point of getting physical . basically minjae endured a lot of getting locked up in the bathroom kicking and screaming until his voice grew hoarse and the occasional ..... bad beatings .

he went to therapy with his mom for two years before entering middle school , around the time his mom remarried a nice guy who had the patience of a saint when it came to minjae , even after he repeatedly rejected him as a part of their life . eventually minjae managed to warm up to him ..... he just didn’t wanna admit he was afraid he’d abandon them like his bio dad .

despite the therapy he was still unstable and got into frequent fights . he was smart but he didn’t put it into any good use because he would rather fool around and disrupt the classroom at any slight chance . teachers .... hated this fuckass

theN high school !! A Whole Mess ..... he got worse and worse , and it wasn’t until he got expelled from his Second high school that he went back to therapy for anger management .

after months of sessions w/ his therapist he was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder , which honestly explained Everything about his life . it explained his massive issues with interpersonal relationships , massive abandonment fear , massive moodiness , massive personality contradictions .... everythin g

he started b-boying because it was a way to push himself and let go of the anger without picking a fight with someone else ( altho he StilL picked the occasional fight .... highkey still does ) but he loved the control that came with dancing and how it hurt to push his body

he managed to graduate despite what everyone thought ..... and even a bigger surprise is that he went to college majoring in math ..... and an evEN BIGGER SURPRISE is that he went overseas to study which is like ..... quite a difficult and impressive thing to do ..... tho minjae just finds math the easiest out of academic studies bc “all u need to do is understand and follow a formula”

anYWAYS so his personality is generally very contradictory . he just has no fucking idea who he even is . thESE are from an old intro that i’m just putting here bc still tru:

being delusional w/ infatuation/love to the point of a fault vs running away when things actually start to go right with someone because of his fear of being abandoned by them

being so afraid of abandonment that he can’t stand being alone, always needs to be communicating with someone vs pushing people away when he feels like he’s getting attached because he’s afraid of abandonment

swinging between being horny all the time and being sex repulsed

intense mood swings !!! having the time of his life one hour and wishing he was dead the next

thinks he’s the best vs loathes his entire being

wants everyone to love him vs thinking he deserves being alone

incredibly charming and talkative vs distant and moody

loving/cuddly/goofy vs jealous/purposely mean/bossy

also never tell him its ok to text u bc he’ll give u notifications from Hell

dhwani mishra !!! honestly Bae . i’ve had her in my head for mONTHs and this is only the second time i play her rip . anyways say hello to this Hot Mom. tw: abuse , brief abortion mention

dhwani is from chicago , she’s 36 and a leo .... literally The Whole SUN

she grew up w/ a generally large family . two parents , three sisters and a brother . it was a full house that often became suffocating but she managed to survive her childhood and teenhood .

she’s extremely close with all her fam except her dad , bc they have always disagreed in almost everything and it’s just ..... awkward to be around him ?? she honestly doesn’t respect him much , even if she would never show him/tell him that . her dad had an abusive past w/ her mom , and dhwani still feels a lot of resentment that he would ever lay his hands on her in a violent way and mistreat her despite being the mother of his children . when she was a teenager , she would tell her mom to just divorce him but her mom was in a very toxic/old mentality and believed she would ruin her family and her children’s life if she did that .

probably nobody cared about this as much as dhwani .... she promised herself she’d NEVER allow someone to do what her dad did to her mom and was honestly so defensive with guys . little did she kno it was the lesbian raging inside her .

so because she had no idea what a lesbian was or that it was a possibility bc her household was not the type to really go into the topic of sex at all , she eventually got into a relationship with a guy in high school that she could actually put up with .... and got really disappointed when she was finally ‘ in love ’ because of how underwhelming it all was . her dreams about finding ‘ the one ’ were absolutely gone . she was like wtf why are people making such a big deal out of love when it feels like ...... kind of nothing ??

she became pregnant with his child which was completely unplanned and was such a huge turn in her life that she never ever expected . all this time she had been driven to start a career in chemistry and family would come way wayyy later , however she did Not want to give up her child ..... she was so torn about it but now she thinks not getting an abortion was the best decision of her life bc her little boy , one of her two little suns was brought into the world .

she paused her career to raise him w/ her now husband when she was 29 , and three years later became pregnant again , this time w/ her second sun , an adorable lil baby girl . things were already going downhill in her marriage before she got pregnant again , though , and she stupidly thought that maybe another child would help them but ... wrong ! her husband , the man she thought she loved , was turning out to be exactly like her father . she put up w/ him for as long as she could .... but it did just not work out . when her daughter was two and her son five , she divorced him and someway or another managed to pick up her career again .

she moved out with her kids into a small apartment , struggling with money and having to ask her parents for aid which wasn’t rlly good for her pride , despite that she and her mom were like best friends .

sHE made it to london by pure will after juggling her two children and working as a high school teacher , though when she got an offer to teach as a professor in a university w/ heR OWN LAB AND RESEARCH TEAM she could Not pass it up . the only problem was tht this job was across the ocean , and away from her family and everything she and her children knew .

still , she saw a brighter future , not only for herself but especially for her kids , so she packed up and said goodbye to the states .

she’s been teaching in soho for two years now and she still hasn’t really adjusted . it’s obviously a very different life than the one she had in chicago , but she’s very determined to make it work . also she’s recently discovering her repressed inner lesbian so hmu for plots !!! ;)))

shE’S a chemistry professor so ... @ any student connections hmu ... also any students whomst want 2 be on her research team A++

pERSONALity wise .... she’s a mess . she’s very lively and warm and inviting , but she is also extremely stubborn and unrestrained . you don’t agree w/ something she does ? Suck It . you have a stupid opinion ? Time to let u kno how absolutely wrong u are . she is NOT afraid of a fight . also she’s v scatterbrained .... there is so much on her schedule that she can barely keep up w/ so she’s never like ... calm . always going somewhere , always pacing places , chugging her coffee , carrying 789479 folders and books everywhere .

hER class is pretty much this vine

probably one of the least chill professors on campus in the best way possible . she’s so excited about chemistry and teaching her students . altho she is lenient and understanding she can also b strict af and doesn’t allow her kindness to b taken advantage of . rlly good at drawing lines .

also her children are her whole world and she loves to brag about them ... since she doesn’t get enough time w/ them at home she sometimes takes them to her lab on campus or they’re there being a mess during her office hours and stressing her out but she’s 2 fond of them to leave them w/ their babysitter .

oK so here is her v incomplete pinterest board ... expect a playlist Soon

lAST BUT NOT LEAST is santana !!! he is ... a solid trip . this is my first time playing him so i’m puMPED and expecting the worst of him fhuidshfiusdhg. tw: drug use , abuse , alcoholism

he is 23 , a Cancer , n from LA california like that red hot chili peppers song(s)

his childhood wasn’t chill at all . he grew up with four sisters and three brothers , so his parents never really had time for all of them individually . they were always kind of lumped together despite the differences in age . santana was one of the middle children so he got evEN LESS attention .

he honestly does not understand what his parents were thinking when they had EIGHT whole kids , because they were poor as shit . they lived in a tiny house with three bedrooms and two bathrooms , where all the girls would be in 1 room , the boys in the other , and their parents in th third one . you could Not catch a moment of peace in this household . they basically lived on top of each other .

his older siblings were very bad influences , and so were his parents . it was all tough love , so he barely received any kindness or special treatment and had 2 go to school even if he was dying w/ the flu and got hit Bad when he acted out even a little bit bc his parents were Not about to deal w/ any disrespect . he actually pretty much got hit for just existing bc his parents didn’t want dumb kids and santana was failing in Everything at school so his dad especially tried to beat it into him but really he wasn’t dumb he had dyslexia and no one knew or cared enough to find out .

still , they didn’t really respect their children enough to demand their respect . they would cuss all of them tf out and allow them little to no privacy so they all became rEALLY GOOD liars , and all of them learned to have each other’s backs but rlly this only lasted during their childhoods/teenhoods .

santana started doing really stupid shit during high school and once he got caught stealing wine from a grocery store w/ all his dumb little high school friends whomst were in possession of weed and ended up in juvenile prison for two years until he turned 18 . thEN while he was on parole he didn’t learn his fucking lesson and his parents/family were not supportive At All honestly it’s like they didn’t give 2 shits that he was in juvie they were just like ‘that’s what happens when you’re a goddamn moron’ so santana went out and did it aGAIN bc fuck parental guidance anyways

this time he got caught stealing a whole fucking car and in possession of not only weed but cocaine so he got locked up for 4 long ass years . honestly thought that he wouldn’t make it out but he rlly learned a lot in prison and he was used to getting no privacy anyways and just kinda dealt . the prison system he was stuck in Sucked so bad though like the guards were the Worst and he’d try to stay out of fights but Some Fucker would piss him off and BOOM he’d end up in the hole for a whole week .

hOWEVER if it wasn’t for being there he would’ve never discovered his passion of art and drawing . he got Really Fucking good bc he had nothing else to do but sit around and try to find anything to pour all of his pent up energy into and drawing happened to be his greatest outlet . would just sit for as long as they let him and draw his time away .

when he got out he went back to his fam but they were pretty much all split up . shit went Down while he was locked up and somehow his parents ended up w/ a giant grudge on their children and some of his siblings wanted to kill each other while others had just completely moved away to different parts of the states and had absolutely no communication w/ each other .

santana decided to fuck it and pursue his dreams of being a tattoo artist far from LA and just decided to move to a different country entirely .

Now u can find him giving tattoos in his apartment bc he doesn’t have enough $$$ to get a studio and while he Is training under a professional he’s not getting paid by them so he needs to make money somehow . it’s a secret that he’s tattooing when he’s not supposed to tho . Fuck the law .

personality !!!! he’s basically .... very chill .... perhaps 2 chill ....

even tho drugs got him some bad time in prison he hasn’t left them . still very 420 friendly and occasionally does the hard stuff . also loves 2 drink and party .

he’s irresponsible !!!! he feels like he lost a lot of his life in prison so he’s trying to make up for it and while he’s being more careful ..... he still loves 2 fuck shit up .

he gets way too comfortable around people way too easily . he thinks this is a trait he picked up in jail bc he rlly had no other option but to shower with a bunch of dudes and shit out in the open , so he’s very comfortable with his body and being in the nude in general . also a touchy guy , likes cuddles and appreciates hugs . random meaningless touches are a Habit .

he loves to hang and do whatever so if ur his friend chances are tht he’s hitting u up 24/7 to go do something . biggest extrovert there is . does not get tired of being in public / around people . also p flirty and gay as hell .

sO find his pinterest board here and i’m also in the process of finishing a playlist for him hopefully soon

thAT WOULD BE ALL FOR NOW !!! hmu and feel free to add me on discord ( a whole silly boy#2690 , kít (catastrothicc) in the group chat ) for plots and such !!!

#smoke:intros #smoke:ooc #⦁ — › OwO ᴡʜᴀᴛ's ᴛʜɪs? — ⌜ ᴏᴏᴄ ⌟#(#fiNALL Y )#( im srry it took this long )#( what was the build up it suCKS ANYWAYS )#( also ........ im not ashamed of an anime mascot )#( HFUISDHFIUSDHGIUH )#( i LOVE an angry boy )

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