#billy thinking he deserves whatever people do or say about him

[ickypuppi3]

it’s the way neil called billy that specifically in reference to billy’s appearance/billy caring about his appearance

makes you wonder how often that happens

and when it started

because i can just imagine it being a thing

like people spreading rumours about billy at school when he was younger and neil just pulls the whole “if you didn’t dress like that” “if you didn’t look like that” “there’s a reason people think you’re one of them”

and the way it can tie into the whole victim blaming “you were asking for it” mentality.. it’s just interesting to think about

[slasherscream]

i would love to know which of the crazy ass boys gang would indulge a partner who watches reality tv? whose getting just as invested and angry and who is standing to the side saying it’s dumb and fake? (i know it’s kevin)

❥ who grins and bares it so they can bond with you ❥

Billy Loomis - This is just a bonding activity for Billy. It’s not awful. Nor is it the most fun thing in the world. It’s just one of those tiny moments that relationships are built off. The small bids for connection that build intimacy. You don’t bitch when he wants to watch Psycho for the sixth time in two months. He doesn’t bitch when you turn on trashy TV. He pulls you close, so that you’re sitting in his lap, or laid up against him, and pays enough attention to ask you the odd question or two to clarify what’s going on if he gets lost. What do you mean they switch couples?? When did they start doing that? Last week… oh I bet Luca was pissed. 

David Mccall - David is obnoxious because he pretends to be the type who is upset when you watch without him. He’ll come home, glance at the TV and gasp dramatically: Baby! Why are you watching our show without me?! How far along are you? You watched an entire episode? You know better than that, baby! You gotta rewind it, hold on, I’ll order us some pizza. Can’t believe you’d watch behind my back! This is a ridiculous pantomime that you may or may not pick up on. Mileage varies as always. David couldn’t care less about the reality TV shows you watch. But he likes the way you giggle as you rewind it for him. Or the way you light up when you’re discussing it with him. You used to spend way too much time talking with your friends about this stupid crap. Now you talk to him. Who gives a shit about whatever mindless little thing you’re watching. What David enjoys is your undivided attention. 

Jason Dean/JD - JD also sees this as a bonding activity and bid for connection… However, JD is a born hater. He bonds by talking shit. He’s not necessarily trying to be a bummer about the things you enjoy. He’s just a certified yapper when it comes to shit-talking. If he thinks something is stupid he just can’t sit in silence. This is his most underdeveloped life skill. He’s got ten minutes of quiet in him max. If he does manage to bite his tongue his face gives him away anyways. So what was the point? Will say something pretentious like: “Why are we watching people play out a badly scripted version of their lives through a screen when we could be out living ours, right now? Let’s hop on my bike and just ride, darling! Live a little!” Sir, I just worked an eight hour shift. I need to see someone who doesn’t deserve a rose get sent home in tears. Read the room. Get a grip. 

❥ who is pissed off/devastated when you watch it without them ❥

Sebastian Valmont - What can he say? Sebastian likes to watch people experience psychological torment. He’s trying to turn on the first seasons of “America’s Next Top Model" and watch a girl get sent home in tears after the judges convinced her to shave her head bald to look more fierce.This is the type of quality reality TV that makes Sebastian laugh. Watching people go through their darkest moments in front of a camera that highlights the creases in their cheap makeup is how he likes to spend the occasional date night. You had to put him onto reality tv shows, but now he’s hooked. He probably watches more reality TV than you do. If we’re being honest. You think this might be how he gets to still live out his glory days of being an unrepentant asshole. Sometimes he sighs a little too wistfully when someone is being a monster. 

Jordan Li - Jordan enjoys anything you do together. Even if they hate a particular activity, at least they’re spending time with you. Still, there are reality TV shows that Jordan really likes, such as: home improvement shows, “Say Yes to the Dress'', “Face Off”, “American Ninja Warrior”, and “RuPaul's Drag Race”. And then there are shows that Jordan puts on a brave face about. Things like “Love Island” and “Jersey Shore”. Jordan gets queasy just scrolling past them. There was a time before they became one of Brink’s favorites that their parents kept pushing them to try and be an entertainment Supe. No one is taking you that seriously, anyways! Maybe you’ll do better in the reality TV circuit. It’s unlikely Jordan will ever get stuck in projects like that now. They’ve proven they can be a heavy hitter. Proven that they’re strong enough to not need to sell themselves as cheap, easily-digestible, entertainment. Still, they don’t like thinking of the alternate world where they’re having to sit in front of a camera and do twenty retakes of “authentic” confessional room venting.

Stu Macher - He likes reality TV and doesn’t care who knows. Hooray! A shared interest… except watching these shows with him will piss you the fuck off. He has dog-shit opinions about everything. You will never be rooting for the same people. You will never agree on who handled a situation better. He’s always rooting for the asshole, it seems. You don’t even think he’s doing it to be contrary or to make you mad. He’s genuinely on their side (most of the time… he does enjoy making you mad.) Watching reality TV with Stu makes you want to kill him. It also makes you look at him funny. Why are you always siding with the bastards? You don’t think Ekin-Su needed to apologize? Stu, are you out of your fucking mind?

Josh Washington - You’re gonna try to tell me that the twins weren’t making him paint toenails while they pulled all nighters of “The Bachelor”? Sure, okay, if you’d like to believe that. And his inner circle consists of Emily and Jess? Please. He’s been watching trashy TV for years. He’s watched a little of everything. He is so well acquainted with the dark underbelly of reality TV that it would roll over for a tummy rub from him. It knows his scent. He can easily keep track of the names, faces, and plots. Who’s fucking who. Who hates who. Who’s forming secret alliances. You’ll probably be more lost than Josh ever gets. He’s a day one. He’s an OG. 

❥ who is pissed off to even be hearing about it second-hand ❥

Sparrow!Ben Hargreeves - He has better shit to do than watch reality TV show crap all day, and so do you. These are the kinds of harsh words that will be waiting for you if you try and get him to watch anything fun with you. Ask him one too many times and, like a parent who is annoyed that you are bothering him, he will begin to fill up any moment of free time the two of you have with activities. No, babe, we can’t watch “90 Day Fiance.” Why? Because we’ve got to run the marathon for kids with cancer and then we’ve got dinner with the mayor after that. You two are gonna be booked and busy. You were obviously bored. Now you won’t have time to even think!

Kevin Khatchadourian - Please don’t remind him so blatantly of his own intellectual superiority over you (he’s an asshole.) He gets the ick of the century when you try and tell him what happened during one of your little…programs. If you have the audacity to take it a step further and ask him to watch with you? He’s rendered speechless. Since when is this relationship a safe space? He doesn’t enjoy well-written, heart-stopping, incredible genre-defining movies and television. And yet, somehow, you’re so delusional you think he’s gonna sit through reality television with you? Don’t piss him off. He doesn’t even bother responding. Enjoy the view of his back as he walks away!

❥ secret fourth worse thing ❥

Nathan Prescott - Nathan is once again in a category of his own, which you might call: too nosy to not get into it, but doesn't want you to know he enjoys it. He made fun of you when you first started to watch reality TV. He can’t go back on his word now. If you were cuddling on the couch he’d have his face turned into your stomach and dramatically roll his eyes at your absentminded head rubbing. Could we focus on what’s important please? But then the plots started thickening and the heated exchanges started to pique his interest. He knew he was cooked when he started recognizing names, who was booed up with who… wait that disloyal prick hooked up with who this week?! He tells you to just replay the episode because you’re explaining it shitty and you obviously want him to watch it and talk to you about it. It isn’t for his benefit at all. Turn the subtitles on, god dammit.

A/N: this was really fun! how did you know i've been watching reality TV shows lately?? if you enjoyed these headcanons consider reblogging, leaving a reply, or an anon! a writers fuel is engagement. xoxoxo

[ihni]

Billy Hargrove has been dead for little over two months when Steve opens the door to find him on the doorstep, dirty and pale and shaking. He stares at Steve with wide eyes – bluer than Steve remembers – before he collapses into a heap of dirty limbs halfway across the threshold. Steve pulls him inside, disposes of him in the couch in the living room, and naturally proceeds to freak the fuck out.

After some processing, he decides that he must be experiencing a very vivid dream – and honestly, it’s a welcome change after the usual nightmares – and since it’s merely a dream, he opens a bottle of his dad’s best whiskey, because where’s the harm, right?

An hour later finds Steve sitting on the floor with his back to an armchair, predictably drunk and watching Billy sleep. Or possibly being unconscious. It doesn’t really matter which, since it’s only a dream.

Turns out, though, that it’s not a dream – or if it is, it’s a damn weird one. Because Billy wakes up, and when he looks around the room and spots Steve there, he starts to cry, which. Is not something that Steve’s brain could ever dream up, alcohol-soaked or not. And Billy feels solid enough under Steve’s hand, when he awkwardly pats the other boy’s shaking shoulders.

The events that have taken place are eventually revealed, but make no sense to either of them. Apparently Billy woke up somewhere dark and cramped (the coffin, he doesn’t say, but Steve hears it anyway), promptly panicked, and … broke out, somehow. Dug himself out from the rain-soaked earth, and stumbled along the roads until he saw a house he recognized. Which was Steve’s house.

It’s impossible, Steve knows. Billy has been dead for months. Steve saw him die – had first row seats to the sight of him getting impaled by a monster made out of meat and bones – and coming back from the dead after all that is simply not possible. Yet here Billy is, sitting on the floor of Steve’s living room, not a mark on him.

(Literally. There are no marks, no scars. Just smooth skin where they both know he was speared through.)

They spend the rest of the night slowly making their way through Steve’s dad’s expensive whiskey.

In the morning, Billy says, voice hoarse; “I need you to drive me to California.”

Steve thinks of asking why. Thinks of Max, thinks of Billy’s parents, thinks of telling the Party or the police or at least some adult who would possibly know what to do. What he says, though, is “Okay.” The world swims, and he adds, belatedly, “Tomorrow, though. I’m too drunk to drive now.”

A snort is the last thing he hears before he falls asleep where he’s sitting.

~~~

Half the next day is spent nursing hangovers and realizing that nope, last night wasn’t a dream or an alcohol-induced hallucination. The other half is spent making preparations for the trip.

Now when Steve is sober, he revisits the idea to simply tell someone. Billy being back is a miracle, and there are people mourning him, people who has missed him –

Billy shuts that down hard and fast. “No one is mourning me here,” he says, voice gravel-rough. “If they act like they do, it’s because they’re feeling guilty. There’s nothing left for me here.” He licks his lips, and his next words are a whisper. “I never wanted to come here in the first place.”

And, like. If he really thinks about it, Steve realizes that they wouldn’t be able to keep Billy being back a secret if he stayed in Hawkins. And if they tell Max, or Billy’s family, then word would spread. The government would no doubt hear of it. There would be a high probability of Billy being taken in for tests, experimentation, whatever else.

He doesn’t deserve that, Steve thinks as he watches Billy emerge from the shower wearing borrowed clothes. Because Billy died saving them. Sacrificed himself for them, even when they’d done so little to try to save him. This? Driving Billy to California? It’s the least Steve can do for him.

~~~

They get on the road the next day. Steve has taken time off work blaming the death of an elderly aunt and a rare family gathering, and been as vague as he can get away with concerning how long he’ll be away. Early in the morning, they put their bags – Billy’s is a borrowed one, containing only Steve’s things since he has nothing of his own and understandably didn’t want to keep the clothes he had on when he was buried – in the trunk of the car, and get in.

Steve is driving. When they pass the “Leaving Hawkins” sign, Billy lets out an audible sigh and slumps down in his seat. Steve glances over at him, and Billy explains without being prompted; “I always hated this town. I can’t believe they fucking buried me here.”

His incredulousness over the fact draws a snort out of Steve.

~~~

It’s strange, how easy it is to get used to having Billy Hargrove next to him while in a confined space. Stranger yet, how well they get along considering their history. And even more strange, how different Billy seems now, when they’ve left Hawkins behind them.

Or perhaps it’s not strange at all – at least not in comparison to all the other weird stuff they’ve both seen and somehow lived through. In the great scheme of things, one young man coming back from the dead and wanting to go back home doesn’t even make the top ten list of weird shit.

Billy is surprisingly funny, and witty, and smart – and it is dazzling without the sharp edges. It takes Steve a while to recognize what is missing, and when he does, it makes him watch Billy with new eyes. Because Billy doesn’t seem to exist behind a layer of anger anymore. The tension is gone. The further they get from Hawkins, the easier Billy seems to breathe.

The change is remarkable. Makes Steve think that he probably never knew who Billy really was, before this.

He finds himself thinking that he is looking forward to getting to know the real Billy.

~~~

They take turns driving. Sometimes they talk, sometimes they sit in companionable silence, and sometimes whoever’s in the passenger seat naps while the other drives. They stop at gas stations to stock up on gas and snacks, and at diners for food. That first night, they drive straight through, but the next night they stop at a motel for some proper sleep in a bed.

They share a room, but lie in separate beds. They talk for hours in the dark before falling asleep.

“I never wanted to be buried underground,” Billy says, when they’re both on the edge of sleep. “They knew that.”

“What did you want, then?” Steve asks, never having considered an alternative.

“I wanted to get back to the ocean,” Billy says. “Have my ashes spread over the surface of the water and become one with the waves again.”

Steve doesn’t know what to say to that. That he’s sorry that even Billy’s own family didn’t respect his final wishes? That it sucks that they buried his body in the dirt of a town he hated, leaving him to rot there forever when he never even wanted to come there in the first place?

“’One with the waves’ … That sounds beautiful,” he decides on. And then, as an aside, “I’ve never even seen the ocean.”

Steve can hear the smile in Billy’s voice when he speaks next. “You’re going to love it. It’s … everything.”

~~~

They get closer – to California, and to each other – and the closer they get, the less urgency Steve feels to get to their destination. Because what will happen when they get there? Steve can’t just leave Billy there without a means to support himself. Without a home, without a car, without money – without someone to take care of him. Steve can’t help it – he worries.

And then he looks at Billy’s smiling face next to him, and feels his worries being washed away.

He still finds himself taking the scenic route more often than not. Insisting on taking detours to see the sights. Claiming he’s too tired to drive unless he takes a break.

Billy smiles as if he knows what Steve is doing, but he doesn’t make a comment. Doesn’t complain. Seems to enjoy this little bubble they’re in together, in Steve’s car with the world passing them by outside.

It’s strange. But it’s nice, too. Steve kind of doesn’t want it to end.

~~~

The last night, they stop at a motel an hour or two from their destination. They could have kept on driving, but none of them seemed to want to. So they get a room, as usual. Steve pays, as usual. There are two beds, as usual.

Yet, when it’s time to sleep, Billy forgoes his own bed and goes to stand by Steve’s. There’s a question in the air between them, unasked.

Steve answers by peeling back the comforter in invitation. His mouth is dry and his heart is beating like a drum in his chest as Billy climbs in next to him.

They don’t speak much, that night. But they kiss. And they hold each other.

“I never wanted to come to Hawkins,” Billy whispers between kisses. “And I hated it there. But I met you, so I guess it wasn’t all bad.”

The next morning, they wake up in each other’s arms.

~~~

“I’ll show you my home,” Billy says when they get back in the car after breakfast. Steve is back behind the wheel, because he wants a reason to keep his eyes on the road. If he watches Billy too much, he’ll do something stupid – like turn the car around and go back to Hawkins with Billy still in it, or perhaps decide not to go back to Hawkins at all, himself. Just, stay here with Billy, for a while longer.

It’s a fantasy that hurts, so he pushes it down. Concentrates on following Billy’s directions, and drive through a city bigger than one he’s ever been in.

(When he first spots the glittering blue between buildings, he gasps. So does Billy.)

They drive through the city, then out of it. Along a winding road with fewer and fewer buildings around, the ocean vast and terrifyingly endless to their right. Eventually Billy directs them down a gravel road that doesn’t have a sign and looks like it might lead onto private property. Steve would worry, would perhaps protest, if it wasn’t for the longing on Billy’s face.

They have to walk the last bit, Billy says. They get out of the car. It’s hours before noon, but it’s already warm. Steve’s in just a T-shirt, and for a second he his face to the sun to feel the warmth of it on his skin – before turning to Billy only to see him turned to the sun, too. Like a flower in bloom.

He looks golden, in this light.

After a short walk down a steep incline, they end up on a little beach. A tiny one, empty, with rocky outcrops on either side which makes it seem like they’re the only people on earth. The sand is fine and pale under their feet, the water lapping at the edges of it and then stretching out in front of them until it meets the horizon, far far away.

It’s beautiful. But it’s not exactly a house. And didn’t Billy say he’d show Steve his home?

“Mom used to take me here when I was a kid,” Billy says, kicking off his shoes. Steve does the same, and pulls off his socks as well. “We used to come here all the time.” Billy holds out his hand with a smile, and Steve takes it. They make their way to the water. “She’d watch me play in the water for hours, sitting on a towel, just listening to the waves and the seagulls.” The first step into the water is a shock – it’s cold, but not freezing. It almost feels alive. Steve takes a tentative step after Billy, bolstered by Billy’s widening smile. “I think taking me here was the most peaceful she ever got to be. It was for me, at least. The best times of my childhood.”

They stand there in the surf, feet in the water and holding hands, when Billy turns to Steve. His eyes are shining with unshed tears and his smile is wobbly as he places his hands on either sides of Steve’s face and leans in for the softest of kisses; their lips just barely brushing against each other.

“Thank you,” he says, and Steve’s heart skips a beat because it sounds like goodbye, “for not letting me stay buried in Indiana.”

He backs up a step. Brushes a tear from Steve’s cheek – that he hadn’t realized had fallen – and turns towards the endless sea. Takes a deep breath and starts walking.

Steve wants to reach out to stop him, wills himself to to say something, but he can’t. Somehow, he knows that this is where they were heading from the start. This is why they had to go here.

As Steve watches, Billy … dissolves. Like in a movie. One moment he is solid, and the next he’s … not. He turns to dust in front of Steve’s eyes, fine dust that glitters like gold in a sudden ray of sunlight. It – he – is spread out over the water, is carried over the clear surface by the gentle breeze.

Instead of being trapped in the ground inland, he becomes one with the waves again.

[scoops-aboy86]

By The Heart (Secret Admirer pt 2)

Steddie Week 2024, July 2: Hands / touch starved / Invisible Touch by Genesis

wc: 2136 / rated: T / set between seasons 2 and 3 / also on ao3

After the world fell apart a second time in November of ‘84, Steve had finished out the rest of his senior year in a daze. Partly because Billy Hargrove had broken a fucking plate over his head, giving him a small scar by his hairline that the doctor said would fade and recurring headaches that the doctor said might stick around anywhere from a few months to forever. 

It’s been more than a few months and the headaches are only slightly less frequent and a tiny bit less severe. 

He graduated, barely. His dad keeps dropping pointed comments about how his parents let him stay in their house rent-free after high school, how he’d saved up while attending a nearby college by not having to worry about the cost of a dorm or basic meals, and that it is his gratitude towards them that has moved him to offer the same to Steve. Usually said comments come after Steve tries to sidestep some sort of menial task, and it always feels like a threat.Steve just grits his teeth and takes it—refills his dad’s drink when the bottle is already literally right by the man’s hand, washes the family car after dinner when both his parents know that Steve has a shift at Scoops first thing in the morning, whatever. He can’t afford to get kicked out right now. 

His job at Scoops Ahoy is shit, all bright fluorescent lights and kids screaming and everything getting sticky for a measly minimum wage, but that probably reflects the quality of the job application he’d submitted. 

He has no friends, no prospects, no one in his corner except a bunch of incoming freshmen and the only one who really seems to want him around is off at some sort of smart people camp that he’d never even heard of… Go figure. 

But he has Secret Admirer. 

Okay, what Steve has is a pen pal who has a PO box and prefers to remain anonymous, possibly because Steve is an embarrassing person to have a crush on these days. And it’s really stupid that he thinks of them as first name Secret, last name Admirer, but it’s not like he hasn’t tried to come up with better names! Unfortunately, there are so many things Secret Admirer has called him (sweetheart, darling, dearest, honey, baby) that he can’t really think of anything original with those constantly rotating in his head… He can’t use them, though. It’d be weird. 

The first letter had been shoved into his locker in the last few weeks of school, looking like someone either wrote it with their non-dominant hand or had also suffered a blow to the head recently, and he hadn’t known what to make of it at first. In fact, he’d considered the possibility that Tommy or Billy were playing some sort of prank on him… but he didn’t think either of them could write “To Steve, the heart of my heart” without bursting into homophobic flames, and if it was Carol she would’ve done her girliest handwriting with hearts dotting the eyes. And his Secret Admirer had mentioned things no one else in his life seemed to care about. 

Like, 

I hope you’re feeling better. Sometimes I notice you squinting or grimacing in the classes we have in common… Are you still getting headaches? Do you get enough rest? You probably already know this, but mental and physical rest are super important for getting your handsome self all recovered, big boy. 

And,

I had a concussion once, not a bad one but it really left an impression. Felt like I was trying to think through a head full of soup for weeks. It sucks that teachers didn’t seem to cut you much slack because, just saying, I noticed they used to do that a lot more when you were still on the basketball and swim teams. Jock privilege placed above consideration of an actual, serious injury? I’m sorry, but that’s the rankest compound of villainous smell that ever offended nostril, sweetheart, and you deserve better. 

So, yeah. Clearly his Secret Admirer is a nerd who doesn’t necessarily have the best opinion of jocks… but still took the time to notice all those things and write kindly about them. It felt nice, knowing that at least one person out there noticed, maybe even cared. 

And when that letter turned out not to be a one-off, a few more letters in his locker and then one in his mailbox, postmarked and everything, after graduation? Steve was hooked, enough to start writing self-consciously back. 

Which has brought him to the point of wanting so badly to meet this person that he’s stooped to begging, and it’s not even getting him anywhere. 

It’s occurred to him that it could be a guy, of course it has. Steve might not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but he knows it happens. He’d had a friend in middle school, Todd Fischer, nice guy, totally normal kid—got caught kissing some boy in the next grade up behind the gym and turned out to be the worst sprinter of the two. The Fischers had moved out of Hawkins a few weeks later and Steve hadn’t heard anything from or about Todd since. They’d been halfway through reading Romeo & Juliet in English at the time, and Steve remembers thinking when they got to the end of the play that at least things hadn’t gone that badly for Todd and whoever the other kid was. He’s old enough now to know that it could have; between Todd being such a nice kid, Barb dying in his own backyard, and the threat of government agents coming out of the woodwork if he ever breathes a word about certain secrets, the thought leaves a bad taste in Steve’s mouth. 

Anyway, if it is a guy, that would explain why Secret Admirer keeps dancing around his pleas to meet. And the initially disguised handwriting—which had been dropped by the second mailed letter, along with a brief, sheepish apology. 

But it could also be a girl who’s really shy or something. Steve doesn’t want to assume and then look like a total idiot further down the road. Whoever it is, all Steve knows is that he doesn’t want to lose them. He has to play this smart, play it cool… because he knows himself, and already knows that they have him by the heart based on words alone. 

The latest letter is in his hands, crinkled a little at the edges, and Steve can’t help himself from rereading the fifth paragraph yet again. 

… those indecently tiny shorts. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve thought about running my fingers up the inside of those thighs. Or my mouth. Whichever you think you’d like best, baby, I’m not picky. And while I do like ice cream, particularly strawberry with rainbow sprinkles in a cone, I can think of something else I’d love to wrap my hand around and run my tongue over before any drips can escape. You just think about that, hmm? Maybe share some of those thoughts in your reply, if I haven’t scared you off…

He’s not scared off. Doesn’t need to know exactly who put pen to paper to imagine hands and lips running up his legs, either, an invisible touch that sends shivers along his spine. 

Okay, maybe it’s been a while. Between striking out from behind the Scoops counter and not really trying all that hard anyway, the only action Steve’s seen is from his own hand… and this letter. He has thoughts, alright, but has a much better idea of how to translate them into action than words. And this is his problem with the whole pen pal only thing, his natural charm (if he has any left) is absolutely useless in this medium. 

The other problem is that he really, really wants to jerk off about this, except he’s got almost no details to fuel the fantasy. He knows that Secret Admirer had a concussion once, but not what color or length or texture or style their hair is; knows they’re on the fringes of popularity and not really into sports, but nothing about their height or build or how they might move against him. Hell, he doesn’t even know if they’re a girl or a guy, isn’t sure if he should try to imagine boobies and painted nails or stubbled cheeks and big hands. 

Secret Admirer has mentioned being a smoker though, of both tobacco and grass, and Steve is not exactly proud of how strongly this makes him want a cigarette just because it’s all he has to go on. He has work in under an hour and Robin hates the smell of cigarettes, will be extra vicious for their entire shift if he comes in reeking of smoke. 

He’ll have to figure out something else…

Dear Secret Admirer, Thanks for writing again, I was really glad to get your letter. I don’t sleep with them under my pillow because sometimes my pillow ends up on the floor and I don’t want to drool all over them. I keep them in a box in the back of my closet, because sometimes my parents have the cleaning lady do my bedroom without telling me and I don’t want her going through my stuff or putting it in weird places that I can never find again.  Sorry for laughing at you You must not have seen me last week when I threw a banana peel at my coworker for It’s not being humble if I don’t deserve Yeah, fuck high school.  Sorry for not rewriting this, I’m running out of paper and my dad’ll kill me if I break into his office to get more I definitely thought about what you said in your last letter. I thought about it a lot. It’s hard to figure out how to explain what though, because I wanted to picture you like you were probably picturing me when you were writing it. You obviously know what I look like, but I don’t know who you are so I had to get creative. (Which isn’t my strong suit. So if this is stupid maybe we could just never mention it again?) Since I don’t know what you look like and it’d be weird to try and picture you anyway, and then what if I’m not even close and that makes it seem like I don’t like you for who you are? I’m not sure if that makes sense. But anyway, since I don’t know what you look like I pictured you dressed like a ninja.  Hear me out, okay? You’re such a mystery. Ninjas are mysterious, and dressed all black to blend in with the shadows. You can’t see their hair or face and they wear gloves because you can tell a lot about a person by their hands. I guess what I’m saying is I imagined you sneaking into my room at night when the lights are off. Totally silent but with this powerful presence, you know? I think if I were in the same room as you it’d feel like that moment right before the whistle goes off at a swim meet, because that’s just like, holy shit it’s about to happen and your muscles are all tense but ready but you’re waiting, coiled like a snake. So I’m coiled like a snake and you’re still a ninja and I’m not very good at this. I’ve done it over the phone a few times but that’s different. I don’t know where I’m going with this just sitting writing this alone in my room with Genesis playing in the background so I’m going to stop. Just trust me, it was hot. If you ever want to exchange numbers I’d be happy to tell you all about it sometime.  It feels weird to end like that, so I’ll also tell you that I tried reading that Hobbit book you suggested and you were right, it’s a lot easier than the Rings book that the kids I babysit tried to bully me into reading. Bibo is freaking out about all these dwarves in his house and I can relate, it sounds like when those kids all show up and try to rope me into driving them around town. At least they haven’t tried to make me steal anything or try to take on a damn dragon yet. Hopefully this book won’t give them any ideas.  — Steve PS If that was so dumb you changed your mind about still writing to me, please let me down easy. Seriously it would be no hard feelings. At least I still have a great ass and great hair, so I’ve got that going for me.

Tag list (open): @hotluncheddie @lawrencebshoggoth @sofadofax @tangerinesteve @steviewashere

@cryingglightningg @theresebelivett @sleepy-steve @rozzieroos @lunaraindrop

@just-my-latest-hyperfixation @wheneverfeasible @swimmingbirdrunningrock @yesdangerpls @matchingbatbites

@ihavekidneys @p0lybl4nkk @grtwdsmwhr @cheesedoctor @thetinymm

@practicallybegging @fuzzyduxk @greatwerewolfbeliever

[suzukiblu]

WIP excerpt for @qwertynerd97 behind the cut; Billy adopts Conner and it actually goes pretty good!

Maybe Billy should just say something first, but he doesn't want to talk over Lynn, so . . . 

“It looks different from the box ones,” Lynn says after a moment, frowning a little. 

“Oh, yeah,” Billy says, glancing down at the cake too. “This is more, like, traditional strawberry shortcake? The snack cakes are kinda copies of it.” 

“. . . ‘copies’,” Lynn repeats. 

“Yeah,” Billy says. “Just, you know, a different version?” 

“. . . which ones are better?” Lynn asks slowly. 

. . . yeah, that seems like a loaded question, Billy thinks. 

“Neither, really,” he says with a shrug. “I mean, you can't pack the traditional stuff in a lunchbox or keep it around all the time, it'd get all stale and gross. But the snack cakes aren't as good for parties and things like that. So I dunno, it just depends on what you want ‘em for.” 

Lynn doesn't say anything. He just stares at the cake. 

Billy really hopes he's doing this right. 

“If you don't like it, we'll just get you more snack cakes instead,” he says, resisting the urge to fidget. It feels like a stupid thing to feel anxious about, but Lynn's been alive for so little time, and it makes him feel like every single thing that could go wrong would be the worst thing that's ever happened to him. 

Well, it would be, right? 

Admittedly giving him the wrong cake is probably not gonna be on par with Cadmus mind-controlling him, but Billy's seen people get hurt or break down over stuff that looks really minor from the outside a lot of times, and . . . 

After his parents died and Uncle Eben stole everything they left him and threw him out on the street like he was nothing, the worst things always seemed so small. Things like how he lost his home and everything he’d ever owned, how he doesn't have any photos of his mom and dad or even anything that belonged to them at all . . . those things are just too big to really feel, sometimes. Too big to really process. 

But things like how it always rains at the worst possible time and the time he ripped his warmest hoodie too bad to fix and the year his backpack got stolen right before winter set in . . . 

Things like those, Billy’s sobbed himself sick over. 

He doesn't want to ever make Lynn feel anything like that. 

He doesn't want anything to ever make Lynn feel like that. 

He knows things . . . will, probably. Someday, at least. But he wants to be someone who Lynn can feel safe coming to when it happens, not the person causing it. Especially not over a stupid mistake or something thoughtless. Lynn doesn't deserve that. 

Billy wants to be a good dad more than he's ever wanted maybe anything in his life, it feels like, and it's sort of . . . weird, actually, and a little scary. What if he messes it up? What if he's just not good enough? What if . . .

Lynn sticks one of the plastic forks in the closest piece of strawberry shortcake. Takes a bite. 

Frowns. 

“. . . it is different,” he says, not looking at him. Billy, again, barely holds back from fidgeting. 

“Um, yeah,” he says. “So! They're both good, I think. Just not good the same way or for the same stuff.” 

Lynn keeps frowning down at the cake. Billy worries that he maybe sounds stupid or patronizing or something, or that Lynn just thinks he's full of shit, or . . . or whatever, he guesses. 

Worries that he's doing this wrong, more than anything else. 

He really doesn't want to do this wrong. 

“. . . fine,” Lynn mutters, and then takes a bite of the chocolate cake instead. Billy isn't sure if that's a good sign, but relaxes a little anyway. It might be one? Maybe? 

Lynn seems to like the cake okay, at least. 

They eat all three slices of it between them–Billy tries to leave bigger shares for Lynn and Tawky, but he's not sure he manages to; it's just really good. He hasn't actually had cake in a while, come to think of it. Not, like, the kind that didn't come from a snack cake. Somebody got a cheap grocery store sheet cake for a “no one died this time!” party at the Watchtower a few months ago, but . . . 

Well, it didn't taste like this, even though that was arguably a special occasion too. 

Though this time he's not gonna be all alone as soon as the party's over and everyone goes home, so . . . maybe that's why, he guesses. Lynn is gonna be living with him at least until he can pass for eighteen, though Billy's hoping for a little longer. Two years is a long time, but not very long compared to an actual eighteen. And it's just gonna be nice to have–well, to live with somebody again. 

Especially to live with family again. 

Better family than Uncle Eben, he means. 

Billy feels . . . weird, a little. Just–thinking about that feels weird. 

He hopes Lynn is gonna stay longer than just two years. He'll still do this even if he doesn't wanna, obviously, but . . . 

He doesn't know. He just wants to be a good dad. Just wants to do right by Lynn, whatever “right” turns out to be. 

But he still wishes, well . . . 

He's not sure what he's wishing, exactly, but he wants Lynn to stay. 

“I kinda had a question,” he says while Lynn and Tawky are finishing the last of the strawberry shortcake. “Do you always mean it when you say ‘no’? Or, um–‘yes’, either.” 

Lynn–pauses. Lowers his fork. 

“. . . why,” he asks very, very slowly, though he doesn't really pitch it like a question.

“Um,” Billy says. “Because if you don't, I don't really know what to do when you do? I don't wanna just assume things, you know? I don't know you well enough to make guesses on that kind of thing, and I mean . . .” 

That'd feel so unsafe, is all he can think. Lynn would just have to hope he guessed right all the time, and hope he wasn't gonna be the kind of asshole who “guessed” wrong on purpose and then said he'd said it was okay, so he hadn't done anything wrong, it was Lynn's own fault, so–

Billy knows more about the world than Lynn, obviously, but he isn't infallible even with the wisdom of Solomon, and he’d never want to make Lynn feel like some people have made him feel. Like trusting someone is stupid, when he knows that’s not true. He’s not the one who messed up, if he trusts someone who treats him badly for it. He’d be the one in the wrong if he ignored the “no” problem and made it Lynn’s problem. 

But he still wants to make sure Lynn doesn’t ever feel bad about himself for anything like this.

[pinkeoni]

...but what was Will really saying in the van?

This a post a year after the fact, when post people have already said what needs to be said, but you know what!! This is my blog and I can say whatever I want.

Will talking about himself and using El as a guise is pretty obvious. The handful of people who say that it really was from El are few and far between. El doesn't gaf about DnD, she's not even in the painting, and she even told Mike herself that she didn't know what Will was making.

Whether or not Mike actually believed Will's lie is something that I'm personally on the fence about, but I'm not talking about him today! There are plenty of great Mike posts about this if you want a Mike analysis.

The cinematography supports this as well. At the start of the scene, Will is established on the left side of the frame, and Mike is on the right. When Will tells Mike that El commissioned the painting, we get a shot of the mirror where they swap places.

The switching of frame placement suggests that something is off, and mirrors in film can be used to show deception. The shot supports the idea that Will is not being fully truthful, which is backed up by what we already know. Each mirror shot is also prompted by a shot of Jonathan, suggesting that this is always from his point of view. We also know that he was able to see through Will's lie, so that supports this idea.

But we don't get the entire monologue from this angle, because really Will isn't entirely lying, he's just lying about whose feelings it really is.

It's no secret that the painting is an expression of Will's love for his friends, but also his romantic feelings for Mike. The positioning of the painting itself as a phallus (take a shot every time I've said "phallus" in a recent analysis) displays this in the visual language of the show along with the written one.

I think that gender and the use of pronouns is important here. Will states the entire monologue using "she" and "her" and places El in the place of himself. So what he's essentially saying "My sexuality is a wonderful thing that can bring both of us joy, but only if comes from a girl." In context Mike seems specifically anxious about El so Will is reassuring him from that angle, but it also stands that Will doesn't see his sexuality and feelings as good enough to cure an ailing Mike.

There was scriptgate and the infamous "I hate who I am" line which everyone remembers where they were for, but when the scripts were said to be fake, this line seemed to no longer hold any weight within the fandom and was widely disregarded. He loves himself, actually!

But legitimacy of the script aside, does this line still ring true? Even if it were real, a unspoken internal dialogue in an action line doesn't matter unless the show actually expresses it. So do they?

After all Will said it himself, "you make [me] feel like [I'm] not a mistake at all. Like [I'm] better for being different." So that must be how he feels, right? And yet—

—he doesn't really look like someone proud of his sexuality, does he?

I find the idea that Will doesn't suffer from any internalized homophobia rather absurd. It's definitely informed by external homophobia, but it would be different if Will fought back, but instead we see time and time again Will turning his pain inward. "Zombie Boy" leads to "It just makes me feel like more of a freak." and "It's not my fault you don't like girls" leads to the destruction of Castle Byers. I know that that line is informed by Mike's internal projection and might not be intended to be homophobic, although the statement still is homophobic despite intent. If Will knows he is gay and just heard that from his friend, of course he's going to take it that way. We see a little bit of Will standing up for himself, although this usually results in Will apologizing or not accepting apologies from others even when he deserves it. The bedroom scene in Dear Billy is a big step forward because not only does Mike apologize and assert that Will wasn't in the wrong, but Will actually listens.

It is true that Will accepts that he is gay and doesn't seem to fight it, although as others have pointed out, this doesn't necessarily mean that Will is necessarily proud of who he is. The van scene is just another example of Will taking that external pain and forcing it inward. There is likely to be consequences resulting from his lie that affects all three of them, but Will has decided to go a route that (he believes) will benefit Mike and El and only cause himself pain.

Look at this way. Let's say that Will hadn't lied about the painting being from El, that he was totally honest about the painting coming from him, but Mike didn't understand it as a romantic gesture. Not only would this not really make sense, and require Mike to be a level of oblivious on an absurd level, but it would also communicate something completely different. The new meaning would be this: Will is proud of his sexuality and able to take ownership of it, and the trouble comes from Mike not understanding. The conflict is now completely external.

I've seen debate on whether or not Mike really did understand what Will was saying although I think that's beside the point. If Mike did understand that Will was talking about himself, then this was not communicated to Will. The above scenario leads the conflict to be solely relieved by Mike finally understanding, and while there is surely to still be an external conflict between Will and Mike, Will's conflict of sexuality remains to be internal. Even if Mike did tell Will that he knew it was from him, this wouldn't necessarily solve Will's problem. The remedy to Will's internal conflict can only come from himself, by being able to proudly put his name to his painting.

[bat-stuff]

Oddly specific Headcanons I have for Jon Kent

Jon is aged up to between 15-17, roughly in this area

Being a retired farm boy Jon has this midwestern/southern accent that only really appears when he's upset

For example, when he's really emotional about something he'll start slurring his words into "yall" or some other southern slang

Personally I headcanon he would call Lois "mama" instead of "mom" no matter what age he is

I have a hunch that he doesn't like to sweat. He doesn't mind getting dirty with farm work or any other type of down-in-the-mud thing, but the moment he starts to sweat a little too much he'll speed up whatever he's doing and will just be a little disgusted with the sticky feeling

This also goes along with him being a very clean boy

He gets annoyed fairly easily (Damian's kind of rubbed off on him) by rude/mean people

He doesn't tolerate bullies even a little bit

He has a tendency to throw/slam things when he's angry (sometimes people, we've all seen the panels where he throws Damian into walls)

That being said, he has great control of his super-strength, but he relieves tension by physical force

Lois offers him up to neighborhood girls to walk them home from school or some event

It's like "Here, have my son. Let him walk you home, dear. "

That being said, Jon is very much a Mama’s boy and if he thinks Lois wouldn't like someone he's probably not going to be associated with them

Wears jeans religiously and definitely hates sweatpants

Loves sweatshirts and big coats and shirts but loathes sweatpants

He feels naked and it just makes him uncomfy

He hates tight t-shirts and tanktops, he'd rather die than wear them

Somehow still tolerates his suit tho, he says it's "who I have to be for the people"

Because of Colin, has a bad habit of cussing at minor inconveniences

"Jesus christ goddammit, why is the toaster cord melted? Kon, this is the second time this week, man. Pull yourself the fuck together"

But when there's an actual situation that is deserving of colorful language he uses the most creative replacements

"Klarion took Damian hostage? That KFC finger licker is going to get blended!" Or something like this

If Damian uses a word he doesn't understand he'll just stare at him like a deer in headlights

Jon and Dami have this like twin telepathy ability to always know what the other wants and it pisses Colin and Billy off so much

They just look at each other and are like "yeah I know what you mean, I think that's going to be the best approach to the situation"

He gives me DECA vibes honestly. Or he'd be in speech and do Entertainment or Persuasive.

Definitely is in journalism for his parents' sake, even if it makes him die a little inside everytime someone asks him if he wants to be a journalist

Probably wants to go into biology or heath sciences

[magniloquent-raven]

Billy and El's relationship headcanons?

Yessss!! Always more than happy to talk about these two

I love El just kind of deciding that her and Billy are friends now. Billy gets no say in the matter.

She spends a lot of her time after Starcourt hanging out in his hospital room. Like, sitting in the corner quietly reading or practising her penmanship, anything that'll keep her occupied while Billy lays there and pretends to watch whatever's on TV. They don't really talk much. So Billy kind of figures Max put her up to this, keeping an eye on him. Or she's doing it out of some kind of obligation because he sort of saved her life.

The reality of it is that she doesn't feel quite at home living with the Byers yet, so she's finding any excuse to be elsewhere. And it just so happens that she wants to keep Billy company. It's a win-win.

When Billy gets out he figures he won't see her anymore. She's got her nerds to hang out with, she doesn't need to waste any more time on him now that everyone's pretty sure he's not gonna die.

Except the day after he moves into the tiny little apartment that some government stooge picked out for him, El shows up at his door with a gift bag in hand (Joyce introduced her to the concept of a housewarming present, and she was very excited about trying it out). It's already weird enough being on his own, trying to figure out how to live in his own space while he's relearning how to use his own body. He's navigating a lot of uncertainty, and then this kid comes along and he doesn't understand this either. It's a lot. He's going through a lot.

So he's a little too blunt when the first thing that comes out of his mouth is, "What the fuck are you doing here?"

She doesn't seem to notice the tone. Doesn't care that he's being rude. She just holds up the bag and smiles. "Making your house warm." She explains in careful, clipped sentences, that Joyce told her it's a thing friends do. That's the only part he really hears. Friends.

When he stepped between her and the Mind Flayer he didn't expect to get a friend out of it. He didn't expect anything but the pain that followed. The blood. The plan was to be a temporary shield for someone who deserved to live more than he did. He did his job. Max has never thanked him for it, why should anyone else.

He's not sure why her declaration makes his eyes well up. He doesn't really want to think about it that hard, if he's perfectly honest. It's awkward enough trying to blink away tears while some kid he barely knows intently watches him pull wads of tissue paper off a lumpy pile of...blanket? There's a fuzzy green throw blanket at the bottom of the bag, and he's not sure if that's going to make him laugh or cry some more.

By the time Mrs. Byers shows up that evening, he's feeling a little less emotionally unstable. A little. She spent the day helping him shelve all the books he never bothered unpacking after Neil moved them to Indiana. Every so often she'd ask what one was about, and always with refreshingly unbiased curiosity, never why do you have that or I wouldn't have expected you read something like this.

He knows a little about where she's from, memories the Mind Flayer left behind, impressions and echoes. He knows enough to understand why she is the way she is.

It occurs to him after she leaves that she knows just as much, if not more about him. The realization gives him vertigo, the bottom of his stomach dropping away. But despite that, he wonders if it's a good thing. They don't have to explain themselves to each other, they can just. Be friends. Might be nice.

bonus tidbits:

Billy lets El have a beer one time and she deeply regrets asking for one, because it's gross. She has to use his mouthwash twice and she's still making disgusted faces about it like an hour later

El's canon habit of dressing like people she spends a lot of time with. She hangs out with Billy for like two months and ends up getting a Joan Jett rocker shag. She steals a jean jacket from Jonathan. She likes his earring but when he tells her how ear piercing works she gets really upset because needles scare her. So he buys her some clip-ons

Max hates how much time they spend together, at first. She's jealous that they're so close. Both of them are people she's really wanted to like her but initially rejected her, and now they're just automatically each other's BFFs? How is that fair? But it's hard to stay angry when Billy seems so much happier nowadays, and she knows El has trouble making friends

It takes Billy a long time to get comfortable around Joyce. When she comes by to pick El up she's always so friendly and. Mom-like. One time she gave him a little pat on the shoulder and said she hopes he's doing okay all alone up here, before she left with El, and he spent the next ten minutes sitting on the floor in tears

Personally, I've always HCd El as a lesbian, I just think it would take her SO much to actually figure it out, because her relationship with Mike is kind of the first thing she latched onto after leaving the lab, so it would be hard to come to terms with what that attachment really is. But I like toying with the idea of her being introduced to the idea of what queerness even is via Billy's memories. She's scared to bring it up for a long time, it was something she only saw because he had so many memories of being made to feel bad about it, she doesn't quite understand all the shame and the anger, but it makes the idea of being gay scary. After she looked into Billy's memories she started to notice the things people say in real life, the attitudes they have, now that she's got context for what that kind of stuff means. And she doesn't know who to talk to about it other than Billy. Which would not go well at first, because it's Billy. But after they talk it out he'd be soooo much more protective of her, like. Insisting on driving her any time she wants to go somewhere, glowering at literally everybody who looks at her funny. Kinda hovering around waiting for there to be someone to beat the shit out of for her.

El being made aware of queerness being a thing might make her more likely to notice Will's gay too tbh, and then she'd be super protective of him. El ends up at Billy's place super agitated one day and ends up telling Billy the things she heard people saying about Will, and Billy's like, oh, well. I may have to run some kids over, okay.

[imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl]

The One I've Been Waiting For {Part 13 of 13}

Word count: 1.3 K

Summary: Billy Hargrove is just one of the many students you're supposed to help. The last thing you expect from your interaction is that he'll start flirtt with you... Much less that Billy would stir up feelings you'd rather keep hidden. Despite the mutual sentiments that soon enough start to grow, there are a lot of reasons for whatever it is to be left alone, and one of them is your age...

{Stranger Things Masterlist}

A/N: In this story, reader is 5 years older than Billy, who's 18.

•••

Epilogue

 You're seated on Billy's lap on the armchair, softly swinging your legs. He's explaining about this new research he'll be participating in his internship. Billy is currently studying whales, and you've never seen him so excited about anything before. He even got you a necklace with a whale's tail pendant.

 “And that means I get to bring you when we go whale watching.” He says, pecking your lips. “The Marine Biologist and the veterinarian. We're a perfect match.”

 “No shit! Really?” You smile, wrapping your arms around his neck. “That will be amazing.” Kissing him again, you only pull away when the bell rings.

 “I'm showering!” Max yells from her bedroom.

 “Maxine, aren't you the official door opener?” Billy shouts back.

 “Well, since I'm at the top this time, I'll get the door.” You say, pushing yourself up and winking at Billy. Before you even open the door, you know who's on the other side because of the many voices. So you yell at the same time you pull the door open, at the top of your lungs. “YOU'RE ONE DAY EARLY!” You burst out, making them scream like scared, little babies.

 “Damn it!” Billy mutters from the inside, and you know you scared him too.

 Looking at the kids, you smile. They'll spend two weeks here with Maxine, but you guess they decided to make a surprise and show up earlier. “Come on in.” Stepping aside, you watch as the small army moves inside. Mike is carrying a box, which gets your attention. “What's that about?”

 “It's your first-anniversary gift.” Eleven answers as Mike puts it on the couch. “But you can't open until Wednesday.”

 “But now I'm curious!” You complain, walking over to the box.

 But Lucas and Dustin stand in your way. “Nah, nah. Wednesday only.”

 Showing off your tongue, you go back to Billy, sitting on his lap again. “Let's wake up real early and take a peak.” You whisper in his ear.

 “Definitely.” He answers, placing a soft kiss on your neck.

 You've been married for almost a year now. You and Billy had a simple party, for family and friends only. It was beautiful, and it happened on the beach. And Billy has been a responsible man now, a loving, gentle husband. There were times when he told you that he was scared to be like his father, but you told him then, and you'll keep telling him for as long as he needs, that he isn't.

 Some people say that you got married too early, still trying to find flaws in your life. But the truth is that every day with Billy is the best day ever. You do have some arguments, but you never go to sleep before settling things down. Love is the priority, and neither of you will let anything get in the way of that.

 But what really matters to you, is how happy Billy is. He tells you that almost every day when you wake up, still in bed. He thanks you for the life you've given him, for your love and patience. He says that he doesn't think he deserves this. But he does.

 When Maxine is done showering and comes to the living room, you smile to see how happy she is with the surprise. Life is good now, and it'll only get better.

°°°

 Billy's heart is filled with good things. Only good things. He left the past where it belongs. All the anger, the bitterness, the agony... She chased it all away. (Y/N), the light of his life.

 “So, Wednesday,” Maxine says, a finger pointing at (Y/N) and her brother. “You two will have an amazing romantic day at that super romantic hotel, and then come back here for your party.”

 “And open this huge box!” (Y/N) says, jumping on his lap a little.

 “And to open your gift.” Max rolls her eyes. “But until then-”

 “Beach. Pretty please.” Dustin asks in a fake begging tone. “I've been daydreaming about his for weeks. Can we just go?”

 “Go put on your swimsuits, kids.” (Y/N) is still speaking when they move. Billy caresses her side to get her attention and smiles at her when she looks down at him.

 “Why don't we go change as well? There will be a nice sunset today.”

 “Mmm.” She raises an eyebrow, a half smile on her lips. “The kids will crowd the house for a few days. And we'll have plenty of time to join them at the beach. Why don't we stay here and enjoy some alone time?”

 At this awesome idea, Billy smirks. “It sounds way better than going to the beach with some kids.”

 “It sure does, love.”

 “I love it when you call me that.” He whispers, his thumb caressing her lower lip. And he does. It melts his heart every damn time. Hearing her use that word referring to him in that soft, honey voice... Drives him crazy.

°°°

 “That's precisely why I call you that, love.” Smiling, you stand up. “And you should enjoy some action while you still can. I'm late this month so any day now.” You say, stopping before the box. You were super embarrassed in the beginning when it came to these things, but Billy always made you feel comfortable. “What the hell can this be?”

 “You're late.” He says, and you glance at him before looking down at the box again.

 “Yeah, that's what I said.”

 “You're... Really late.” He repeats and, deciding to leave the box be, for now, you turn towards him.

 “... Are you keeping track of my period, Billy Hargrove?” Crossing your arms, you raise an eyebrow.

 “Yeah. I drive past the drugstore every day, I'm the one who buys you tampons most of the time, (Y/N) Hargrove.” That makes you blush, and you stick your tongue out at him before walking to the kitchen. “And...” He starts, following you and leaning against the sink as you take a bottle of water. “It's always a party when your period is over. For both of us.” With that stupid smirk on, Billy comes closer, pinning you against the sink.

 “Would you keep it down? We have a bunch of kids to be aware of.” You whisper.

 “How late are you, babe?”

 “I don't know. I don't really keep track of it. I only know it's coming because I have cramps.” Shrugging your shoulders, you look at the fridge, at the calendar. “Mmm... Been a while actually.”

 “So.” He mutters, his big hand laying on your stomach. “There's a possibility it won't be coming any time soon.”

 “What?” You nervously chuckle, pushing him away when you hear the kids coming. “I don't think so, Billy.”

 “Well, we're not always being careful, are we?”

 “And whose fault is that?” You ask, hands on your hips.

 “Fifty percent mine.” He answers with a smile.

 “Billy, forget it. I'm just...” Your voice fades as you take a closer look at the calendar. “...Around two weeks late.”

 “Kids!” He yells, startling you. “You gotta walk. I'm taking car one to the drugstore and car two won't fit all of you.”

 “What the hell, Billy,” Maxine complains, coming to the kitchen with her army behind her. “What do you need from there? We have the meds box, and it's full.”

 “I'm not buying any meds.” He says, as you just watch the scene, arms crossed. “I just need a pregnancy test.” And with that, he's off, leaving you with all of those wide-eyed kids.

 “Oh. My. God.” Dustin mutters.

 “Holy shit, I can't believe it!” Maxine shouts, and you slide a hand under your shirt, touching your belly.

 It's still too early to be sure, but you were never been this late before... And you remember feeling sick a couple of days ago. So maybe, just maybe, there's a tiny, fresh life growing inside you.

 “Maybe...” You whisper, a smile taking over your lips at the thought of having a baby with Billy. “Maybe.”

•••

@aunicornmademedoit @alexa4040 @goth-cowgirl-03 @nyctophilic0vitnir @minispice-1

[stevesbipanic]

Billy was not racist. He was trying to protect Max and Lucas both from his father, who would have harmed both of them plus Billy if he knew they were even hanging out let alone romantically involved. Billy was a victim of abuse at the hands of his father, and his mother abandoned him to his father despite knowing what cruelties he would suffer just to save her own ass. Was Billy an asshole? Yes. Was the shitty way he treated people especially Max okay? No, never. Nothing excuses it. But you try living with the sorts of abuses his father heaped on him, and on his mother before she left, and the abuses he would have been heaping on Max's mom too. I have zero doubt that Billy's father r-worded both Billy's mom and later Max's mom because "wifely duties" or some other misogynistic garbage. Billy would have overheard the sounds from it pretty much any time it happened while he was home. You try living with all that and see how YOU turn out. Billy did deserve a redemption arc. He got one of a sort when he sacrificed himself despite "the mindflayer's" control over him, all to save El, Max, Max's mom, and even people he hated. Because he knew what "the mindflayer" had planned. Did you not see Billy's tears when "the mindflayer" was speaking through him? Did you not notice Billy told Karen to stay away from him rather than give in to "the mindflayer" and kill her? Did you not notice Billy flat out lied to his father when his father demanded to know where Max had run off to? There's no way Billy didn't have some kind of clue where to find her. But he lied to his father, to shield her and to shield Lucas, from whatever harm would absolutely have come to them at the hands of Neil Hargrove. Billy is not the embodiment of evil you clearly think he is.

Did Billy somewhat sometimes care about his stepsister? Yes. Did he get abused by his dad? Also yes. These facts don't excuse him from his actions in both seasons 2 and 3.

In our early meetings of Billy he highly threatens to run over the party while they're on their bikes. A normal same human being wouldn't do that. He also beat Steve to the point the kids thought he might be dead. He continued beating Steve even once Steve had been thoroughly knocked out, and likely would've killed Steve if Max hadn't knocked him out.

Also YES HE WAS RACIST WTF ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT???? Did you know that Billy's line "certain type of people" in regards to Lucas, was originally a black slur? He was a racist character picking up the trait from yes his abusive dad. Just because his dad was abusive doesn't mean Billy didn't become racist because of his upbringing with him.

You can definitely say that line is to protect Max from abuse from her stepdad if he found out she was talking to a black boy. But it certainly wasn't protecting Lucas, billy couldn't care less about Lucas' safety (SEE TRYING TO RUN HIM OFF THE ROAD).

His character was written to be a bad person, accept this. Characters aren't always written to have redemption arcs or all be good people. He was a racist bully from the 80s with an abusive dad. Just because you think he's hot doesn't change these facts.

Also, abuse doesn't inherently make your character grow up to be a bully. Lonnie Byers is heavily written as an abusive father, even going so far as it was suggested he killed Will in season 1. But neither of the Byers grow up to be bullies. Eleven is brought up in an abusive environment and moves past these traits. Steve's parents are seen as hard on him and in some ways absent and neglectful and besides Jonathan we never see him fight anyone that wasn't for protection.

Billy is the only older character that shows complete disregard for the kids safety. And him dying in st3 doesn't forgive these actions nor rewrite his racist abusive character.

You're allowed to hate characters that are written to be the bad guys. No one attacks anyone for hating Dr Brenner because he's the villain. Many people including myself didn't like Steve in season 1 because he was written to be the popular asshole. Characters are written certain ways for reasons. So go enjoy your self insert fanfiction where you really just want Billy to be a hot ooc. But for the rest of us it's totally fair to hate on one of the villains of the series.

[ssweeterthanfiction]

Wait for your love.

Content Warnings: billy being TOXIC AS SHIT, gaslighting, reader being delusional (my poor baby:( ), mentions of drinking, drug use, and an addiction, mention of throwing up

↳ currently playing ;

Junkie - 1976

0:56 ——•———————— 3:24

↺       <<          ll          >>     ⋮≡

In November of ‘76, Y/N started opening for the Six. She had been on stage before, but only for small crowds, mainly in small cafes, bars and small backyard parties filled with people that were frankly disinterested in her and her music. Now she had a semi-packed venues with people that were actually interested in her and more importantly her music.

Y/N: “Opening for the band was great.”

“It was actually Billy that convinced me to open for them.”

“Sure…we fought a few times. But he really cared for me y’know? I have…a lot to thank him for.”

“Anyways, every night would be amazing. I would get the crowd riled up and then by the time the band came out, they were wild. And it wasn’t just while I was performing and while the band was performing that it was wild.”

“Backstage was a whole other story.”

“I’ve mentioned it before…Billy would look for a girl in the crowd to bring backstage almost all the time.”

“But now…I was that girl.”

“I was the girl that he was drinking with and laughing with. I was the girl that was dancing around with him, the one that would have a big smile on her face as he spun me around….I was also the one that was doing lines with him, the one taking pills and smoking with him…”

“I thought that if I did that he would…keep choosing me.”

“I guess it never occurred to me that because I was so desperate for Billy…I was falling into an addiction.”

Warren: “Y’know as much as I joke around about dumb shit…it was really hard to a girl that I saw as my little sister fall into an addiction.”

“It was hard to see her come home everyday just…so out of it.”

Karen: “Every night she would leave the house with Billy and the band if we had decided to go out. But she would never come back with Billy.”

“Someone would always find her passed out somewhere while Billy was flirting with some girl.”

Eddie: “I don’t know how many times I would find her passed out on the floor.”

“Me, Warren, Karen, Daisy, or Graham find her passed out and Billy would be having the time of his life while “his girl” was passed out on the floor of a strangers house.”

“I don’t know how many times I need to say this— Billy did not deserve her.”

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

You were at a party with Billy and the band.

At least you thought you were.

At the moment you didn’t know exactly where you were. You knew you were lying on the floor, you could hear music blaring through whatever house you were in, you could smell the scent of weed and alcohol, it was giving you head a headache but hey, at least the floor was comfy.

As you lay there, eyes half closed, your hair a mess, you could hear a familiar voice.

“Y/N?”

You look up.

“Warren? Is that you?”

Warren looks down at you with a concerned look. “Yea…yea it’s me. Um…what are you doing on the floor?”

“I dunno…it’s comfortable down here though…” you say as you laugh.

Warren gives you a weary smile. “How much have you had to drink?”

“Uhhhh…I’m not sure…”

Warren looks down into your bloodshot eyes and then looks around.

“Where’s Billy? I thought he was with you.”

You turn your head and look around.

“I think he said he was going to get us some more drinks…”

Warren shakes his head and presses his fingers against his temple.

“Come on…let’s go” he says softly, crouching down to pick you up.

He slings one of your arms around his shoulders and then holds your waist close to keep you stabilized.

“Where are we going?”

“Back home…you’ve had way too much to drink”

“But I wanna stay”

Warren looks at you and frowns slightly. “No…no I’m taking you home.”

You fuss a bit as he helps you walk through the house. As you two walk, you both run into Eddie.

“Hey guys, where are you—“

Eddie cuts himself off as he takes in your appearance.

“How much has she had to drink?”

“No clue. She doesn’t even remember”

Eddie nods his head and stays quiet for a moment. “Where’s Billy?”

“Same thing, no clue”

Eddie balled his hands into fists. How could Billy just leave you in this state?

“Can you watch her for a minute? I need to go get my keys from Karen.” Warren says as he props you up on a chair.

“Yea, yea go”

You watch as Warren disappears back into the crowd.

“Is Warren coming back?”

“Of course he is, he’s just going to grab something”

You stare off into the crowd for a minute in silence. You’re looking for something— no, someone.

Eddie turns his back to you for a moment, but the minute he turns back around, you’re gone.

Stumbling through the crowd no one payed any mind to you. Everything was spinning, the flashing lights were hurting your eyes. You just wanted to be with Billy.

You see the back of Billy’s head and start walking over to him.

Before you can reach him, you hear Eddie and Warren call out your name.

You whip your head around and see them both running towards you.

“I told you to watch her!” Warren snaps at Eddie.

“I just turned my back for a minute”

They argue back and forth for a bit. Warren finally turns to you.

“Come on, we’re gonna go home”

he says to you as he grabs your arm.

“Wait— Wait! I wanna just go say bye to Billy!” you say, your words slightly slurred.

“Come on y/n, you’ll see Billy later. Just go home with Warren”

You continue to insist that you say bye to Billy but Warren and Eddie eventually get you outside to the car.

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

Y/N: “I was pissed that they were dragging me out of the party.”

“I had wanted to stay for a little while longer, but I had way too much to drink so…I guess leaving wasn’t a bad idea.”

Warren: “There’s another reason that I wanted her to leave.”

“Before I found her practically passed out on the floor I found Billy with another girl making out in the corner.”

“No way in hell was I gonna let y/n find him like that.”

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

Warren arrives at the house and helps you out of the car. You drunkenly stumble but he catches you before you can fall.

“Come on, let’s get you inside” he says in a gentle voice as he leads you inside.

He settles you down onto the couch. “Stay here, I’m gonna go get you water and an aspirin.”

Watching him walk into the kitchen you slump into the couch. You stare at the ceiling, then you feel a strange feeling in your stomach.

You cover your mouth with your hand and bolt to the bathroom.

Warren hears you and follows you to the bathroom. He sees you hunched over the toilet throwing up.

He crouches down and holds your hair back. Tears start to stream down your face.

“I’m sorry— I’m sorry I’m such a mess”

“It’s alright…It’s alright. I got you…I got you” he says in a reassuring tone as he rubs your back.

A few minutes pass, Warren brings you back to the living room. He hands you a water bottle and two aspirin. You take them.

“He was with another girl wasn’t he?”

Warren is caught off guard by your question. He doesn’t answer, but his silence is good enough for an answer.

“Thank you for bringing me home Warren” you say as you stand up.

Warren nods his head and you walk out of the living room.

You go back to Billy’s room and lay down in his bed. Almost instantly you knock out.

You only wake up slightly when you feel a pair of arms wrap around you.

It’s Billy.

He came back to you.

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

Eddie: “Everyone else came back to the house at the same time.”

“Warren was still awake, but y/n was asleep.”

“I went to the kitchen to grab something to eat and then I went to check on her. There was a crack in the door so I just peaked in”

“Billy was already in bed with her.”

“After being with a random girl all night, he still had the nerve to come back to her.”

“He had the nerve to come back to her after leaving her drunk and high out of her.”

“And that’s how it was. Every. Goddamn. Time.”

Karen: “Y/N’s addiction just kept getting worse. And Billy just leaving her god knows where during a party didn’t help.”

“She was starting to rely on it to function. She would always say that it helped with her song writing, that it helped her relax.”

“She was using any little excuse to keep going. She was slipping.”

Y/N: “I really tried to keep control of it.”

“I tried to keep it hidden from the public, especially since I had that whole “America’s Sweetest Girl” thing going on.”

“But that all went flying out the window on New Years.”

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

The band was throwing a New Year’s Eve party. Everyone who’s anyone was currently dancing, drinking and getting high out of their minds at the house.

You were in the living room with Billy. He had you in his lap, twirling a piece of your hair around his finger. Both of you had already had quite a bit to drink.

“You’re so pretty…” he whispers to you.

You giggle and lightly nudge his shoulder.

“Billy…”

He grins at your reaction, taking your face into his hands. “Look at you… so stunning…” he whispers, before giving you a kiss on the lips. “I love that dress on you”

“Wore it just for you, Billy”

He grins and kisses you again.

When he pulls away, you notice that he makes eye contact with someone from the other side of the room.

You feel him tense up.

“Hey baby, why don’t be go upstairs…” he whispers.

You look at him with a puzzled look but you nod your head.

“Yea…yea of course we can”

He gently took your hand into his own and led you upstairs to his room.

Once inside, he quickly locked the door. Turning to you, he pinned you up against the door, he kissed you deeply and then pulls away, his breath hot on your neck as he started to kiss down your neck.

“So pretty…all mine…” he whispers softly.

You both stay like that for a few moments. Then Billy takes hold of your waist and guides you to the bed. He lays you down on it and smirks.

“I’ll be right be back…stay here okay?” he says as he leans down to kiss you.

You nod your head and watch as he leaves the room.

Minutes pass…and he still hasn’t returned.

Sighing, you get up from the bed and head downstairs to find him.

As you try to get through the crowd you run into Eddie.

“Eddie! Have you seen Billy?”

“Uhhh…I think I saw him in the living room”

“Thanks Eds” you say as you smile at him.

You head to the living room, maybe Billy was just getting drinks for the two of you, right?

Wrong.

You feel your heart sink to your stomach once you see Billy.

He’s on the couch with a girl. Making out.

He pulls away from the girl and twirls her hair around his finger. Just like he does to your hair.

“Billy?”

He finally makes eye contact with you, but it’s too late, you’re already bolting out of the living room.

You hear Billy call out your name as you run back into the room.

“Go back to your friend Billy.” you say in a harsh tone.

“Baby, let me explain—“

“No! No you don’t get to explain!” you shout at him.

“Don’t raise your voice at me!” he shouts back. He scoffs. “You know… there are so many girls downstairs…they all want me…But here you are yelling at me for what? A kiss?”

“Then go back downstairs to them and—“

He takes a step towards you. “No. No I’m talking right now. Y/N, do I have to remind you what a privilege it is for you to be with me?”

“Because if you weren’t so good at being so damn pretty, then I could have my pick of girls…”

You feel like your heart was just shot. “You’re only saying that because you’re drunk.”

He takes a step forward once more, cornering her against the door.

“You know you should grow up, act your age and stop being a little bitch about this.”

He laughs. “You should know your fucking place. You’re just a silly little girl trying to hold onto something too good for her…something that’s not always going to be just hers.”

“You don’t— you don’t mean that. Take it back.” you say as your voice cracks.

He laughs again and gets even closer, his voice growing louder as he speaks.

“I do mean it… you think I don’t know that other girls check me out and want me?” he says with aggression. “You think I don’t know I have women lining up for me everywhere I go? You’re going to have to deal with that if you want to be with me. You’re gonna have to deal with all the girls that run after me. But you know what, I’ll choose you no matter what. Every time.”

He grabs your waist and rest his forehead on yours.

“I could replace you easily y/n but I choose you. Every time baby. I come back home to you every night. I always get you anything you want, I always make sure you’re happy. It was just one kiss baby, that girl doesn’t mean anything to me.”

He kisses you.

“You’re my girl. She isn’t.”

He kisses you again, this time with more drive, more passion.

“Now come on, let’s have some fun baby.” he smirks as he takes out a small bag of coke from his pocket.

‿︵‿︵୨˚̣̣̣͙୧ - - ୨˚̣̣̣͙୧‿︵‿︵

Y/N: “Billy always had this way of saying things the right way to get his way.”

“I was young and naive and…’in love’ to let him treat me like that…”

“Anyways, the rest of the night was really…really hazy for me.”

Warren: “She was completely out of it.”

“I don’t know what she and Billy took, they were both out of it.”

“So out of it that later that night there was a picture taken of her where she’s hanging out of the window, smoking and Billy’s holding a guitar.”

“And from the position and angle the cameraman caught, it looked like they were fucking on a window cill.”

Y/N: “Let’s just say that when I said that ‘America’s Sweetest Girl’ thing went out the window…it really went out the window.”

“But can you blame me? I was a junkie for Billy. And he was my dealer.”

hope u guys liked this part! this officially brings us to the end of 1976! i already know how im gonna start 1977 so i’ll start working on it tomorrow :) (there’s actually a few hints for how im gonna start it in this part) i also wanted to say tysm for 30 follows! (ik i already posted abt it but im js super grateful for u guys <3) i’m currently working on a finnick one-shot so stay tuned for that! again i hope u guys enjoyed this part! reblogs are always appreciated <3

(and if ur interested in another one of my finnick one-shots then check out love story! also requests are open if u guys have any ideas or just want to chat!)

[local-redhead-bookworm]

Some of the people in the Stranger Things fandom are absolute boneheads. I don’t care about whatever degree in psychology you have, if you think an 18-year-old boy who

was abandoned by his mother and left to live with his abusive father

was actively being abused up until he got flayed

had clear abandonment issues

showed behaviors that could easily fall into anxiety and/or PTSD or CPTSD

was groomed by a woman old enough to be his mom

was possessed by the Mind Flayer and was robbed of all bodily autonomy

sacrificed himself for the first person to show him kindness and compassion

used his final words to apologize to his sister

deserves to die, then you didn’t pay enough attention in those psychology classes, you don’t understand how abuse shapes people and the different effects it can have, and you should never, ever be allowed to practice. You don’t deserve a license if you think someone is undeserving of help.

“He was racist” debatable. Dacre has expressly stated he didn’t play Billy as racist, in spite of the Duffers’ initial attempts to write him that way, the original script even including “a far nastier piece of language” in regard to Lucas. Even the Duffers aren’t 100% sure if Billy is racist. And if Billy is racist, this is a small conservative Midwest town in the 80s and Billy is a Californian. He’s definitely not the worst one there. Most importantly, racism is learned and can be unlearned.

“He’s abusive” highly unlikely. The most we see is him yelling at Max once and grabbing her wrist once. This is all just after a very sudden move too, which inevitably makes things strained between family members. Even Max says that Billy wasn’t behaving that way before the move. Also if he was as abusive as y’all say he is, she wouldn’t be flipping him off, back-talking him, snooping around his room, and talking about him like he’s her annoying gross older brother. If he were abusive, she would be more scared of him.

“He tried to run over the kids” do you really think he would have risked jail time? Really? If he had actually wanted to run them over, Max wouldn’t have been able to turn the wheel.

“He tried to get with a married woman” I think you mean that a grown woman with a husband and children was sexually interested in an underaged boy and pursued him for nine months, was willing to have sex with him as soon as he was legal, stalked him to the point of having his work schedule memorized, and showed up at his workplace just so she could ogle him. It doesn’t matter that Billy initiated the flirting, Karen is an adult and she knows better. She only backed out because she didn’t want to ruin her own cushy life by sleeping with Billy, not because she realized that sleeping with a boy young enough to be her son was wrong.

“He’s homophobic” he’s quite literally not. There’s zero indication of that. He’s actually one of only three characters to be called a homophobic slur (the other two being Will and Jonathan). You’re making things up now.

Your arguments are boring and baseless, and your treatment of anyone who likes Billy is abominable. The sheer amount of horrendous things I’ve seen my friends be called because they like Billy (racial slurs, victim blaming, weight shaming, suicide baiting, saying they deserved the abuse they experienced, wishing death and rape on them) is actually disgusting. Behave like civilized people, stay in your lane, and if something upsets you that much, don’t interact with it.

[findafight]

tbh i think ppl that genuinely think steve dragged her there kind of take nancy's behavior at the party in the best light/take nancy at her word bc,,,, we see nancy excited for the party to the point of spending time making a costume and encouraging jonathan to come only for her to start lashing out at steve right after they get there. like i always felt so bad for him when tommy and billy start harassing him and nancy literally rolls her eyes and just stalks off only to start heavily drinking specifically to spite steve given what she says about how she's just acting normal like he wanted (also that smug look she sends him right after continuing to drink). idk the way nancy starts acting out (this makes her sound like a 5 y/o throwing a tantrum but,,,, if the shoe fits) could make it seem as if she's been forced to do something against her will when taken out of context but in context she's literally just acting like a huge asshole to her boyfriend bc she's upset about something she hasn't even told him about. i get upset when i think about it too much bc ppl focus way more on the bullshit scene (for obvious reasons) but nancy really was treating steve like shit that whole night.

yeah like. Owens talks about "the anniversary effect", and I think that's hitting Nancy hard, and so she's lashing out! She's a teenager and she doesn't know how to handle her grief and her desire for justice. That's fine and she deserves to yell and cry about it. But she also isn't communicating what she actually needs from Steve because I don't think she really realized it until she saw the redhead in the library. And dropping that on him and kind of freaking out about it at school wasn't really the most appropriate place to have a deep discussion on what to do. (idk why people view this as steve just flat out refusing to talk about it ever, it's clear to me he's nervous about it because they're at school and he doesn't want to be overheard and doesn't want to risk the government hurting them/their families)

We see Steve do his best to support Nancy by going to the dinners with the Hollands, and also encouraging her to go to the party, after we have been shown Nancy talking about it and inviting Jonathan and excited for it. He is engaging her with something she was looking forward to. idk why people view this as steve just flat out refusing to talk about it ever, it's clear to me he's nervous about it because they're at school and he doesn't want to be overheard and doesn't want to risk the government hurting them/their families. Yeah maybe if she had asked him to come with her on the plan to entrap Owens he would have said no, but at least he would have known where she was at and what she was thinking, instead of the sudden one-off talk they had in the library.

I guess if people only watched tina's party and not anything that came before they could see nancy as completely correct and that steve was pretending while she didn't want to (instead of mostly pretending with Steve and having had one freak out about it in a place that people could overhear) and that he dragged her there. But it's astounding that people can watch Nancy smile and give the flyer to Jon and still say Steve was a bad boyfriend for taking her.

She is definitely drinking vindictively in the scene, even though for all Steve knows Nancy genuinely wanted to go and have fun at the party. He's trying to get her to slow down and idk I've seen some takes as this showing Steve is controlling but legitimately what the fuck else are you going to do when you see someone you care about (friend/partner/whatever) ignoring you and being kind of an ass and drinking way too much while obviously upset about something. Of course he would encourage her to slow down!

He doesn't know what's wrong because Nancy actually has a habit of not talking or communicating to her boyfriend what is upsetting her. Nancy is so over pretending but she has only barely broached that with Steve. He did try to shut it down, but I don't remember him saying he was unwilling to talk about it, just that it was a bad idea, and that Nancy was coming with this "tear the lab down" thing from nowhere.

Part of the problem is that Nancy had feelings for Jonathan and didn't know what to do about that, and so decided that actually, everything was Steve's fault, because he wanted to be normal, he wanted to go to the party and have fun, he wanted to date and be in love, when, to drunk Nancy's mind, she wanted none of that. (even though we are shown that that isn't true) So she's going to drink and she's going to have fun and she's not even in love. (idk it depends on the day for me if nancy was faking the whole time or did, at some point, fall in love with him and then out of love.) The whole party scene is a mess for Stancy and poor Steve has no idea why his girlfriend is drinking too much and suddenly acting like they're fighting when there's no reason to. and then he gets yelled at and told she's pretending to love him.

[ladykailitha]

Telling It Like It Is Part 1

This one will be updated differently in smaller parts as we have now gotten to the point where my stories are much, MUCH longer. But I won’t be tagging. My ADHD would freak out. Masterlist or read it here on AO3

*

Jonathan slipped out back with a six pack of beers, thrilled that Steve was alone for the first time in weeks. He sat down next to Steve on the lounge chair and handed him a beer.

Steve popped lid off both their beers and took a sip. “Thanks, man.”

Jonathan nodded and they drank in silence for a bit.

“They aren’t tearing up my house, are they?” Steve asked, jerking his thumb behind them.

“Nah,” Jonathan said with a grin. “I made sure to put Eddie on guard duty. Those kids will behave for him.”

Steve nodded. Eddie and Jonathan being here was one of the reasons he went outside for a smoke. He could trust them to keep the chaos to a minimum.

He down the rest of the beer and popped open another one.

“Look, you know I don’t like you,” Jonathan began. Steve let out a chuckle. “But I respect the hell out you and that a good place to be.”

“Same,” Steve said. “I don’t think I could ever like you after...well everything I guess. But I trust you. And that’s important to me.”

“Nice to see us on the same page,” Jonathan agreed. “This will make what I have to say easier. On both of us, I think.”

Steve looked down the six pack. “That why you brought the beer?”

Jonathan laughed. “A bit.” He rubbed his hand on his jeans. “Listen close, because if you tell anyone about this conversation I will deny it and pull out all the pictures from middle school and turn them into fliers.”

Steve laughed. “Whatever say, man. No one is going to believe me anyway.”

Jonathan cocked his head. “Fair. But you need to hear this from me and not anyone else, because you won’t believe it from anyone else.”

Steve frowned. “What?”

“Now, I wasn’t there for any of these moments, but I’ve heard it from them,” he said, taking a deep breath. “Bullshit, douche, and douchebag. Sound familiar?”

Steve flinched with every word. He nodded and then pinched his nose and rubbed it.

“From what I gather only Eddie apologized?” Jonathan pressed.

Again he nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

“So take it from me, Steve,” Jonathan said. “You weren’t ever any of those things.”

“But I–” Steve said.

Jonathan cut him off. “You were a scared kid with abandonment issues who followed the first people who said that they liked you.”

“But–”

“And just like with your fucking parents, their love was conditional, wasn’t it?” Jonathan pressed. “Because I sure the hell didn’t see them around after your so-called fall from grace.”

“I left them,” Steve said weakly.

“You want to know why?” he asked.

“I take it you’re going to tell me anyway,” Steve murmured.

“Because deep down, Steve, you were always a good person.” Jonathan finished his beer and wiped his mouth. “I think your very presence kept them in check because they got worse. You were always the first in line to apologize when you thought you’d done something wrong. And yeah, protecting those kids wasn’t an option, it was something you had to do as the oldest of the bunch, but you stuck around. You think Tommy or Billy would have?”

Steve shook his head. He knew that they wouldn’t have. “I made myself useful because I didn’t have anyone else.”

Jonathan stared at him. “Holy shit, dude. This is way worse than I thought.”

Steve reared back his head in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“You think those kids, Eddie, Robin, Nancy, you think they are only still around because of the fancy house and nice car?”

Steve hung his head, but that was answer enough for him.

“Dude, I couldn’t say for sure about anyone else,” he said, shaking his head. “But my mom, Claudia Henderson, and Wayne Munson have been fighting for months who gets to adopt you when your parents finally disown you.”

Steve raised his head slowly. “Why?”

“Because they see you take care of their kids as if they are your own, and you deserve better than the Harrington name.”

Steve thought about it. “Oh. I’m wanted?”

It took everything Jonathan had not to cry. He barely held it together with Will, and now Steve Harrington. And no way in hell was he going to shed a tear for this dude.

“Yeah, you are,” he said. He stood up and gave Steve’s shoulder a squeeze. “Just think about what I said, okay?”

Steve looked up. “Yeah. Yeah, I will. Thanks.”

Jonathan nodded and went back inside.

Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Epilogue

[youmakemyhearthowl]

Punk Princess

Ao3| Part 1| Part 2| Part 3| Part 4| Part 5 | Part 6| Part 7 (Next Part)| Part 8| Part 9 | Part 10

(this one got a little angsty but it’s not super bad I promise)

“This was such a bad idea.” Eddie groans, his eyes flicking over to Gareth sprawled across his bed. Gareth snorts, scrambling to grab a pillow and chucking it at Eddie's head.

“Dude you’ve been half in love with this guy for years, and basically cream your pants every time you see him now. You should be excited.” 

“That's the problem Gareth, what if I say something embarrassing in front of him again?” Because apparently Eddie's brain has no idea how to be a normal person and say normal things when it comes to Steve. Case in point, he told the guy they weren’t even friends and Steve had looked like he’d slapped him. Which, Jesus they weren’t really friends, they were people that spoke sometimes in the halls or when they needed to bum a smoke, but apparently when Steve latched on, he latched on. 

Not that Eddie was complaining, the opposite really. 

But if jock Steve had Eddie flustered, punk Steve just completely turned off his brain. And the pastels Steve had been adding to his wardrobe were basically melting Eddie into a puddle cause the fucker looked so soft, he just wanted to smother him in a hug and kiss all over his face and Eddie focus. 

“He seems to like that you say embarrassing stuff, he’s been flirting with you for weeks now.” Jeff pipes up from where he’s hanging upside down off the bed next to Gareth. “And you said that princess line and said he seemed to react really  well to it.”

“What if this is like some elaborate prank, pretend to be punk to make fun of the only openly queer kid in the school.” Eddie grumbles, and he knows that’s not the case. Steve was a mean girl sure, he always had been, but he’d only ever really dished it out to people who deserved it and let Tommy do whatever he wanted to everyone else. Which isn't great, but Steve was quickly showing that he was trying to be a better person here and Eddie should give him more credit than that.

“I don’t think Steve got his face quite literally smashed in by Billy Hargrove for a prank to embarrass you Eddie.” Macks voice trails into the room as he makes his way back from the bathroom.

“I’m sorry what?” All three boys sit straight up, eyes locking on Mack. He looks surprised.

“You guys haven’t heard? Fuck man I saw him at the gas station earlier today with Hopper and some kids, and the dudes sporting an entire face of bruising. It looked pretty bad to be completely honest, and I heard Billy’s kid sister talking to that Dustin Henderson kid about how they needed to make sure Steve went to the hospital because they were pretty sure Billy broke a cheek bone or something like that.” 

“Jesus Christ.” The words come out a whisper just as the phone starts ringing causing all of them to jump. Eddie scurries over to the landline, plucking it off the receiver.

“Harry's Barbeque and Crematorium, you kill em’ we grill em’ what can I do for you?” Eddie snickers.

“Eddie?” The voice that comes through the phone is soft.

“That’s whos talkin’.”

“Uh, hey, it's Will, Will Byers, I got your number from Steve. I hope that's okay.” Eddie racks his brain a bit, trying to put a face to the name, when he is suddenly struck with who in fact is on his phone. Of course Steve was protective of his kids, if the boy who went missing last year was one of them. Jesus.

“What’s up baby Byers, how can I assist thee?”

“Steve… uh Steve isn’t allowed to drive right now, and I can’t bike to his house for the campaign tonight and was wondering if… well if you could maybe drive me?” This kid is adorable, Eddie decides.

“I got you kiddo.” Will mumbles off the address and Eddie hangs up before scampering back to his bedroom, “I’ve gotta kick you guys out early, Lil Byers needs a ride.” Three groans echo through the room, but the guys get up without much complaint and scamper off to do whatever it is they do without Eddie around. 

Will doesn’t talk much on the drive over, which is fine by Eddie really, so they listen to his music with Will occasionally offering him directions to get to Steves. What he isn’t expecting is when they pull up to an old cabin in the middle of bum fuck no where and Will tells him this is it. 

“I thought Steve lived in Loch Nora?” The surprise must be palpable in his voice because Will kinda freezes up.

“He used to yea. But he’s lived here since the summer.” And that is a slap in the face if Eddies ever had one, because that means, that means that a 17 year old Steve Harrington is living in a cabin in the middle of the fucking woods alone, because everybody knows the Harrington's wouldn’t be caught dead in a place like this. Eddie tries to keep the realization off his face as he hurries out of the car to follow Will into the house, whisper yells echoing around the walls as they walk in.

“Dustin, would you stop talking so damn loud man.” Steve's voice rings out as they make their way into the living room where the kids and Steve have apparently set up their very own Dungeon, with a throne at the head of a table completely decked out in DnD minis. Eddie stops in his tracks when he gets a glimpse of Steve because  Jesus fuck, Mack wasn’t kidding. Steve's entire face was splattered with purples and yellows, his left eye red around the iris. And by the looks of it his eyebrow piercing was ripped out.

“Hey!” Dustin exclaims running over to Eddie at full speed before barrelling into him. “I’m Dustin man, it’s so cool to meet you! Steve told us you’re practically a god at DMing.” Eddie can see a soft pink pushing through the bruising on Steve's face and he shoots him a smile.

“Steve, when is your boyfriend getting here?” Robin Buckley's voice dances around the tall ceilings in the cabin as she stumbles into the living room with everyone else. Eddie tries to stifle his laugh at Steve's groan as Robin gently cards her arms around his waist and squeaks, hiding her face in his neck once she notices Eddie standing right there. Steves dressed softer than Eddies seen him at school and it’s pulling a little too much at his heart strings as he takes in the pair of them. Robin and him sporting matching black and pink plaid pajama pants and Steve in a massive oversized band sweater that Eddie can’t make out the faded name on. From where it rides up as Robin hugs him, Eddie can make out a shoe print bruise just below his belly button and a few dark  bruises as well as… 

Wait holy shit is that a tattoo peeking out of the top of his pants? 

Nope, no focus Eddie, now is not the time to pop a boner. 

He’s acutely aware that he knew Billy probably didn’t fight fair, but seeing the evidence all over Steve, and knowing there's probably more hidden under his clothing, makes Eddie's throat close up. What the fuck happened? It’s all that's playing on loop in his mind as Steve pats Robin's head.

“Alright shit birds, there's food and drinks on the counter so help yourselves, but me and Robin are going to be in the basement watching some weird French film with the volume low for my headache. Please behave and don’t be rude to Eddie. Also please don’t yell if you need anything, just come down the stairs and ask for it at a normal volume. I am begging you.” The kids are all nodding their heads along to Steve's words, and that's when Eddie realizes that Billy Hargrove's kid sister is sitting on the couch in the corner with another girl he’s never seen before. Curiosity eats away at his brain as he watches her smile softly at Steve and tell him that her and the other girl, El, will be fine and if the boys get to be too much they’ll come down stairs. 

Steve Harrington is an enigma wrapped in an enigma because what in the fuck man?

Steve shoots Eddie a soft smile as he makes his way down stairs with his arm thrown over Robin's shoulder to help support him.

“Um…” Eddie starts looking at the 6 faces staring at him now. “Hi, I’m Eddie?” He does a bit of a half wave as he makes his way over to the throne sitting in front of the table and the boys scramble to take their seats as well.

“Yea we know.” Dustin speaks up.

“I’m Lucas and this is Max, El and Mike.”  Eddie nods as he points out each person sitting in the living room with him.

“Please do not mind Steve not introducing you to us. He is not feeling well.” El’s soft voice travels over to where he’s sitting.

“Yea I can… uh I can see that. Is he okay?” Eddie's question is met with the children around the room sharing a few looks, communicating without words and it's more than a little freaky to experience.

“He’s alive.” Is what Will settles on saying, and if that doesn’t just break Eddie's heart. Because had there been a point where he might not have been that made them feel the need to land on that answer? Mike shoots Will a small glare and Will just shrugs in response.

“Was he… like… not?” Eddie can’t help the question from slipping out, his curiosity too strong, and his heart aching too much.

He’s met with an eerie silence before Max is suddenly jumping up and exclaiming that she’s decided she wants to join the game and they need to teach her. But Eddie’s not an idiot and he knows a deflection when he sees one, so he bites his tongue, sliding into his DM roll smoothly, and the campaign begins. 

~~

Here's the thing.

Steve’s head is killing him and he should have rescheduled the little DnD night he’d planned for the kids, but after the Upside Down had come back again, and the kids had had to deal with thinking Steve was dead for a solid 20 minutes until he’d woken up in the back of Billy's Camaro with Max driving, he figured they deserved this. Aches be damned.

He’d been hoping he could fall asleep wrapped up in Robin as they watched her weird film, but once it had ended she was out cold drooling on his shoulder and he was still wide awake and in need of more pain medication. So he sighed and stumbled his way back up the stairs only to realize that the kids and Eddie seemed to be taking a snack break.

“Steve.” Eddie spots him instantly, making his way over to where Steve had stopped at the top of the stairs to admire the way Eddie's skinny jeans and Hellfire shirt hugged him.

“What’s up stud?” Steve smiled crookedly at Eddie, his lip ring pulling at the split in his lip. Eddie's hand comes up to gently cup Steve's cheek, barely touching it as he takes in the bruising and discoloration. 

“Are you okay? What happened?” Steve just smiles at him, his head and mouth aching too much to really offer any words as Eddie gently places his pain medication into his hand, Dustin coming up next to him with a water bottle.

“We figured you were due for some more, so we took a break in case you came up so we weren’t being all loud.” Dustin smiles, watching as El comes up to Steve and gently cards her arms around his middle, squishing in between him and Eddie and burying her face in his stomach.

“Thanks Dustin,” Steve knows his voice sounds a little wrecked, the tug on his heart these kids give him has him holding back tears as he wraps his free hand around El to hold her close.He’s trying to think of something to say, but his brains still foggy from the concussion and the thoughts keep sliding away as soon as he has them, when suddenly Eddies hand still cradling his face pulls his attention softly back to him.

“We should maybe get you to bed, Princess. Rest is good for healing.” and that definitely doesn't help any coherent thought stick with Steve so he just nods, as El grabs his hand and leads him slowly towards his room , standing on her tiptoes so he doesn’t have to bend down too far for her to put a barely felt kiss on his cheek.

“Hopper says you can always kiss it better.” She mutters shyly as Steve ruffles her hair and disappears behind his bedroom door, his heart full and warm. He’s vaguely aware of Eddie’s strangled noise that comes at the display of affection he and El just had.

Ao3| Part 1| Part 2| Part 3| Part 4| Part 5 | Part 6| Part 7 (Next Part)| Part 8|  Part 9 | Part 10

[jamies]

rereading daisy jones and the six and here are some quotes that make me go feral

We love broken, beautiful people.

I was drawn to him mainly because he was drawn to me. I wanted someone to single me out as something special.

“Your mom is beautiful.” “Yeah, beautiful and nothing else.”

I think I was seventeen, maybe. And it was the first time I wondered if I had a purpose.

There’s this peace that comes with knowing you have a person in the world who would do anything for you, that you would do anything for.

“I love you as much as I’m willing to love anybody.”

I had absolutely no interest in being somebody else’s muse. I am not a muse. I am the somebody. End of fucking story.

This is how dark the world can be. Some fathers don’t love their sons.

Nice never did much for me.

He sort of looked like he’d never had an interesting thought in his life.

Men often think they deserve a sticker for treating women like people.

What’s good is when everybody thinks you’re headed somewhere fast, when you’re all potential. Potential is pure fuckin’ joy.

Love and pride don’t mix.

I was going to get it, hell or high water.

I think you have to have faith in people before they earn it. Otherwise it’s not faith, right?

When you put your life in your music, you can’t be clearheaded about your music.

It was such a rush, singing like that. Singing a song that I felt in my heart. Words that I had written that were all mine.

You know how sometimes people will describe other people and say they make you feel like you’re the only one in the room? Billy and Daisy could both do that. But they somehow did it with each other. They each seemed like they thought the other one was the only person in the room. Like we were watching two people who didn’t realize thousands of people were watching them.

Just by touching you, he’d scrape you.

If you redeem yourself, then believe in your own redemption.

When you have everything, someone else getting a little something feels like they’re stealing from you.

“There’s just as much to hate about you as there is to like about you. And that’s annoying.”

“It’s like some of us are chasing after our nightmares the way other people chase dreams.”

I was paying the price for the parts of himself that he didn’t like.

It feels good, to be understood.

“This song isn’t meant to be pretty. Don’t sing it like it is.”

When you’re living your life, you’re so inside your head, you’re swirling around in your own pain, that it’s hard to see how obvious it is to the people around you.

Everybody wants somebody to hold up the right mirror.

She was dangerous. And I knew that. But I don’t think I could recognize that the safer she felt to me, the more dangerous she was.

Self-expression is about what it feels to live, not whether you had the right to claim any emotion at any time.

I hurt. So I wrote about it.

I wish someone had told me that love isn’t torture.

I came to hate that I’d put my heart and my pain into my music because it meant that I couldn’t ever leave it behind.

“I think in order to be happy like I’m happy, you need different things. And I want you to have whatever those things are.”

Life is about who is holding your hand and, I think, whose hand you commit to holding.

“You don’t understand me. You expect me to be someone I’m not.” “You never loved me the way I loved you.” And both of those things were true.

To this day, there is a piece of me that still loves her. And there is a piece of me that will never forgive her.