#the victim blaming mentality

[ickypuppi3]

it’s the way neil called billy that specifically in reference to billy’s appearance/billy caring about his appearance

makes you wonder how often that happens

and when it started

because i can just imagine it being a thing

like people spreading rumours about billy at school when he was younger and neil just pulls the whole “if you didn’t dress like that” “if you didn’t look like that” “there’s a reason people think you’re one of them”

and the way it can tie into the whole victim blaming “you were asking for it” mentality.. it’s just interesting to think about

[maxphilippa]

paper bag

[navree]

i think more people need to realize that the circumstances of how jason todd died would make him deeply untrusting of not only other people, not only himself and his own instincts, but specifically other people's proclamations of what they feel about/for him and how he reacts to that in turn

[algrenion]

the fact Chappell Roan even needs to defend her statements on weird fan behaviour is extremely unsettling

you are not entitled to anyone's time, information, autograph, selfie, or body (yes, i say body - you are not entitled to a hug from your favourite artist, or any other contact, and claiming otherwise shows a clear lack of respect for their autonomy and personal space in that regard - it is creepy)

it doesn't matter if you've bought their music - you got the music, they got your support

the transaction ends there. you are entitled to absolutely nothing more.

i straight up don't trust any of these people saying "boo hoo womp womp" or that she's snobby or "looking down on us peasants" (that's a real comment i saw) for not dishing herself out to every fan she crosses by on the street. i wouldn't trust you to respect your own friends' boundaries.

[abuzd]

[sometimesraven]

There is no such thing as an abusive mental illness. Narcissistic personality disorder is often the result of abuse in and of itself. “Narcissistic abuse” is just abuse and you are an ableist.

[uncanny-tranny]

It's weird how people paint "daddy issues" and even "mommy issues" as, like, a joke or a failure on part of the person who has those issues, rather than recognizing that daddy and mommy issues stem, for so many people, from abuse. What this all is is just abuse apologia, and nobody seems to either notice or maybe even care.

When somebody with daddy or mommy issues opens up about the "why," I can't ever seem to shake the fact that they tend to have gone through a ton of abuse and bullshit as a child. It's just crazy that other people would look at that and see a joke or a failure of the once-child who was abused.

[lostboiking30]

Random thought about Korra’s responsibility ending the Avatar cycle.

IT WASN’T HER FAULT. She was a teenager that was manipulated by a family member who was also a world leader and was also apart of a secret terrorist group that she trusted not to lead her astray. He used her to start a civil war and open the spirit portals so HE could release 10,000 years of darkness on the world. Once Korra realized her role in the plan she tried to correct the actions that led to the conflict that Unalaq had planned probably for years. We saw how conniving he was when he convinced his father-The Chief of the Northern Water Tribe- to exile Tonraq for treason.

Let’s also not forget that Unalaq and Vaatu tried to kill Korra by crushing her in the ground and that they literally ripped Raava from Korra’s body THROUGH HER MOUTH (which was probably excruciatingly painful) and beat Raava within an inch of her life while Korra could do nothing except watch because the avatar spirit was forcibly removed from her.

Korra didn’t end the Avatar cycle. Unavaatu did. And even though when I first watched Book 2 I disliked it as much as everyone else, I guess I just realized today why it grinds my gears. (Also I appreciate book 2 more than I did when it first aired)

Saying it’s Korra’s fault that the avatar cycle ended is vicious victim blaming especially when you consider that only months before this fight she tried to end her life because Amon took her bending.

All of Korra’s villains stole pieces of her identity and essence which is why no matter how cool conceptually her villains are, I will never say I like them or support them. The emotional scars they all left Korra broke her. So for anyone to say that it was her fault is not only wrong, it’s cruel.

Especially since Korra *DID* blame herself for every perceived failure she had including the ending of the avatar cycle.

Losing the Avatar cycle wasn’t shown in a positive light. It was grieved and situated as a plot device to start over because just like in real life, sometimes we lose everything and have to move forward with whatever pieces we have and forge our own way.

The fandom is so ridiculous about Korra and the reasons they don’t like her. Especially since the main reason people don’t like her is because she isn’t Aang.

[furiousgoldfish]

When you’re raised in an abusive family, it doesn’t feel like you’re a victim of something, not while it’s happening. Instead, you feel like you’re not doing a good enough job dealing with what’s presented to you as ‘normal’. It feels like you’re overly sensitive and need to learn how to be more tough, like you’re whiny and spoiled and deserve to feel bad about yourself. Like ‘tough love’ and constant criticism, threats and put downs is what is needed to fix you, like only thing that can make you better is more pain and more hatred.

Abusive parents work very hard so you wouldn’t be able to recognize abuse; they will make sure you believe that what they’re giving you is love. They’ll even make you feel like they believe it’s love, like they are so sure they’re helping you with all of the hatred and neglect and violence, like they’re worried about you when they’re forbidding you any privacy, freedom or skills, like they’re simply not able to do any better, when they make you suicidal.

And they don’t stop there; they convince you that everyone else has it worse, that you’re ‘lucky’ to have them, that other children are beaten worse, starved out, abandoned, homeless. They tell you horror stories about how you’d be dying on the street without them, how grateful you need to be. They threaten you with how bad you’d have it in an orphanage or a home. They give you anecdotes of children being treated worse, in order to terrify you.

So you don’t know that you have it bad. You don’t know that you have human rights that far precede being fed and sheltered. You look around convinced, that everyone’s home life as as bad as yours, they’re just somehow taking it better. They’re somehow still grinning and acting normal and keeping it together, they’re less anxious, less scared, less inclined to sink into darkness. You don’t know how they do it, and you feel inferior, stuck, left behind. You don’t know what’s wrong with you, why can’t you just be like everyone else, and deal with ‘normal home life’ as well as they do. Why can’t you talk to your parents like you love them, like everyone else does. How is everyone else so much better at being tough, brave, enduring, strong, and hopeful.

And abusive parents will dismiss your every thought and feeling that recognizes the reality of what you’re living in. It doesn’t matter if you’re having anxiety and trauma symptoms so bad you’re barely able to function, they’ll call it whining. It doesn’t matter if you secretly self harm only to ease the amount of inner pain and shame you’re feeling, they’ll call it ‘attention seeking’. It can be panic attacks, eating disorders, ocd, dissociative disorders, flashbacks, nightmares, fight-or-flight reactions, it will all be dismissed as you being ‘dramatic’, ‘playing the victim’ or ‘making a drama for nothing’. You could be close to death and your abusive parents would dismiss it as your own fault.

Because nothing is more important to them than covering up their abuse and making you feel insane for trying to point it out. Nothing stops them in forcing their own hateful perspective on a child they abused. There is no compassion or decency to acknowledge that they hurt you, you could be dying and they would accuse you of doing it on purpose to spite them. There is no place in their hearts for you. There is nothing they couldn’t spin to depict you as a spoiled, selfish, vengeful monster, in order to spin the reality of what happened in their own favour.

They’re waging a war against a child they had out of their own volition, and were responsible to take care of. They declare the war on your sanity the second they hurt you and tell you that it’s fine, that you’re okay, that you need to shut up so nobody else can hear and get ‘the wrong idea’. They taught you that abuse is love from the start, and seeing the consequences of abuse on you, they double down and insist it’s still love, it’s still normal, it’s still good, it’s just you who is the problem. They didn’t do anything wrong. You who is taking ‘love’ the wrong way. You who doesn’t understand that they’re ‘human’ and ‘did their best’. As if they acknowledged you as a human being even once during your entire life.

Much of your childhood consisted of your parents lying to you in order to avoid you realizing you’re being abused. It makes you spend decades thinking that you’re crazy, delusional, oversensitive, imagining things, acting whiny or dramatic for no good reason, experiencing symptoms for no reason, no events that caused it, all while being completely alone in your pain, unable to ask for support, because ‘nothing bad happened’. It can bring shame to your every feeling, make you feel like you’re not allowed to even experience your own feelings. It makes you doubt your memories, your senses, your own instincts, because you’re shamed and punished for believing yourself, for imagining that you were right to express any of it.

That’s why it’s so hard to get out of it. It’s hard to even dare to believe yourself, with how high the stakes are for you parents, and by extension, for your own life. You’re not dumb or gullible for struggling to acknowledge this, nobody wants to believe this could be going on in their life. Nobody wants to see their parents as villains, if there’s any other option available. And nobody wants to believe their parents capable of this level of cruelty. Nobody wants to know that they were raised by people who felt nothing while psychologically torturing a child.

[huhyuhbah]

being someone who doesn't use tiktok, watching The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives is very like shocking and insane to me.

Like what do you MEAN a mum went on tiktok live to talk about her group of friends being swingers like what???

I'm here for the drama. I love it. Mmmmm it fuels me lmao

I love how ep 4 (The Book of Truth) just basically brought up so much within the group

[dukeofthomas]

Not "Robin Jason was just an angry, violent, aggressive brat", not "Robin Jason was a perfect, innocent, complete sunshine child" but a secret third thing (Robin Jason was a child who'd suffered abuse and trauma his whole life and never got the proper tools to heal from it; he was happy and silly, and he got angry and could be difficult)

[frapajapa]

// Utena spoilers and discourse, tw: rape, victim blaming

I just want to say that that person getting dunked on twitter passes off episode 33 as not assault bc it also doubles as narrative seduction and LIKE IT CAN BE BOTH IT CAN LITERALLY BE BOTH JUST BECAUSE YOU THINK ITS A METAPHOR FOR UTENA BEING PULLED FROM ANTHY DOESN'T MEAN SHE CONSENTED OR IT'S NOT ASSAULT!!! SYMBOLISM HAS TO SYMBOLIZE SOMETHING WHAT DO YOU THINK THE STOP SIGNS ARE FOR???

if the symbolism doesn't symbolize something then there's no story no plot you're not looking at a story. you're looking at Pinterest.

also how is a thing that literally happens on screen in the present and is constantly referenced afterward as a real thing that happened

only a "metaphor" and "narrative device" therefore it didn't literally happen and if it did literally happen it's not actually rape bc of the aforementioned (the logic is not logic-ing)

but an extremely anachronistic flashback (When it has been long established that childhood memory is unreliable in this show) where a mob bangs down the door of a shack to find a well-dressed prince and then shish kebabs a 6 year old (who survives)

is unrefutable proof that Actually Anthy is 1 quintillion years old so she should know and act better

???

hmmm could the confusing anachronistic flashback serve as a metaphor to show Anthy feeling like her pain is eternal, neverending, has been going on forever? could it be about the timeless nature of misogyny itself? no no, it can't be, it's only a metaphor when I can use it to claim statutory rape can be consensual! it's only a metaphor when it serves my contrarian theories I made up to feel smart without actually thinking about what I'm implying!

[shiutsu]

People who say "revenge is for the weak" are the same type of people who defend horrible people, blame victims for their abuse & throw a tantrum whenever someone doesn't wanna be near others anymore.

[creature-wizard]

Hey folks, reminder that if someone asks you a question like "Hey can you tell me how to not do [bad thing]" and you respond with something like, "Imagine needing to ask how to not do [bad thing]!", that is shaming behavior. It's cruel and unnecessary, and all you're doing is giving this person psychological damage while discouraging them from asking questions in the future - some of which might be really important!

"But it's a really obvious question though!" you might be thinking. Yeah uh, speaking as an autistic person who was raised by fundie Christians who kept me ignorant on purpose, there is no such thing as a universally obvious question.

So literally don't do that shit. Consider the possibility that you are very likely dealing with someone who was either kept in the dark, or does not easily pick up on things and needs them clearly explained to them. If you don't allow for this possibility and behave accordingly, you functionally hate abuse survivors and mentally disabled people, and you are the asshole.

[joyfulballoonsweets]

the philosophy teacher react when he knew that the geography teacher physically abused me he immediately blamed me and told me that I deserve it and the geography teacher could broke my nose I felt so sick I burst out crying when my mum told him about it and then he told me these exact words I still remember his words it hurt make me guilt and think what if I really deserve it (happened 2 years ago)

[blooeyedtroll]