#blame ria for all of the angst

[hexiewrites]

It’s not the first time Steve has to call an ambulance that does it. 

The first time he’s fucking terrified, coming home from a long shift at the new Blockbuster down the street and dinner after with a coworker only to find his boyfriend, passed out on the floor of their shared apartment. He panics, at first, because what the fuck is he supposed to do, and then he gets it together and calls 911. The paramedics won’t let him in the ambulance so he follows behind in the beamer, white knuckles the steering wheel, all the way to the hospital. They won’t let him go all the way in and he paces for hours in the waiting room, drinking shitty hospital cafeteria coffee, before the nurse finally tells him where to go.

And the thing is. The thing is it makes sense. Eddie’s been struggling since the Upside Down. So has Steve, to be honest. They’ve both been crashing, different vices, different issues. So the first time he has to call the ambulance, he gets it. It makes sense, even though it hurts. Sometimes things happen, and Steve can’t fault Eddie for one night of too many goddamn whiskeys. Hell, he’s come pretty close to that point himself, more times than he can count lately. He makes a promise to himself to be better, to be there when Eddie needs him.

To be enough.

It’s not the second time he calls the ambulance that does it either, because as much as that one hurts, it still makes sense. Eddie on the ground gives his brain Eddie in the Upside Down, broken and bleeding and almost fucking dead and Steve calls the ambulance but he chugs a beer back before he follows in the beamer. And fuck, they’ve been through it, haven’t they? Eddie’s been trying but of course it’s going to be hard. People make mistakes and god knows Steve’s made his own, so who is he to do anything but try. Try harder to make Eddie see he doesn’t need this shit. To make him see that Steve loves him so much, loves him enough for both of them, loves him enough to get them through it. So that’s what he does. 

He tries, even though he’s failing too. There’s beer in the house and he gets it, now. How much it helps to keep the noise down.

They’ve been fighting about it, even though they don’t have much else they fight about.

So of course he gets it.

The third time he has to call hurts even more. Of course it does, it screams Eddie’s failing and you’re failing and why can’t you be good enough, why can’t you love him enough to fix it. But the hurt is washed over by anger because how can he keep doing this after everything they’ve been through? Hours of meetings together. Weeks of Eddie off in rehab. Whispered promises that it’s done, it’s over. You can’t beat addiction but you can control it. They can focus on them. Maybe start that family they keep talking about. It’s behind them now. It was supposed to be behind them. 

But it’s not even the third time, because the third time when Eddie wakes up he looks devastated but he still manages a smile. Still manages to say, voice rough because of the intubation, third time’s the charm, right baby? And- the average addict relapses four times, but I’ve always been below average, huh? I can feel it. This is gonna be my year.

And Steve’s not perfect either. He’s doing better, yeah, he’s putting in the work, but he’s not perfect. He’s better though. He’s been better because he’s been trying. He’s still trying because he keeps picturing Eddie, baby on his hip, cooing and giggling. Picturing them curled up at forty, at fifty, at eighty. Looking back and saying wow, we were fucked up then but we had each other. We got through it together like we always did. So the third time hurts. It pisses him off. But he’s still holding that picture in his mind, despite it fraying at the edges just a bit. 

But the fourth time, when it should all be behind them because it had been better, they’d been better, when he comes home and finds Eddie on the floor, broken bottle next to him, needle still in his arm… 

Well. Fourth time’s the fucking charm for him.

He calls the ambulance, watches Eddie get loaded in, feels the tears drying onto his cheeks. One of the paramedics knows him from the last time and gives him this sad smile. Says “we got him soon enough, think he’s gonna be okay. He’s lucky, your boy, but even cats only get nine lives.” Steve shuts the ambulance door and doesn’t get in his car to follow. He heads back up the stairs, cleans up the vomit, and starts to pack.

He puts his most important things in the beamer, leaves the rest. Doesn’t leave a note because he doesn’t know what to say. Calls the hospital before he goes because he has to know—Eddie’s awake and asking for him.

He drives to a liquor store instead. Drives until he can’t anymore and checks into a motel halfway between Chicago and Hawkins. 

Thinks about his blue two year chip (sitting on his nightstand in the apartment, one of the things not precious enough to bring) as he twists open the bottle, and finally finally finally lets the sweet relief of whiskey burn through his throat. 

He’ll regret it tomorrow, but tonight? It’s the only thing he has left. 

Steve doesn’t go back to Chicago for nearly four years. He thought about it. Thinks about it. Constantly. He knows that Eddie’s alive because Dustin kept in touch, will give him a little knowing nod every time they see each other (rare, these days, as Steve barrels towards thirty and the kids finish university, get jobs across the country, try to make it home for Christmas and don’t always succeed). He never asks for more because it’s too hard to hear. Dustin tells him, one day, that Eddie’s doing really well now. Steve doesn’t know if he can believe it. He doesn’t want to believe it, because if Eddie’s doing well now without him it means he’s the problem he’s the reason he—he calls his therapist and puts in the fucking work.

He stays in Hawkins. Faces his demons, mostly metaphorical now. Spends a lot of time with Hopper, who gets it more than almost anyone but still wants better for him. Spends hours on the phone with Robin, who begs him to go back into the real world but he can’t, because it hurts too much. Takes enough correspondence classes to get an associate’s degree. Starts driving to the community college a few towns over for classes and upgrades to a Bachelors of Psychology, and starts to understand himself and Eddie and trauma, and things start to hurt a little less. He doesn't drink anymore, goes to meetings with as much regularity as he can, and when he’s finally got a new two year chip in his hands he thinks he might be ready. It hurts like an old wound, twinging in the rain but mostly fine, and he thinks he could maybe handle Chicago again.

He still doesn’t go. 

At the end of the day, it’s the acceptance letter into the Masters of Educational Counselling program at the University of Illinois that does it. He honestly hadn’t been expecting to get in, it’s a competitive program and Steve Harrington who barely graduated high school doesn’t exactly scream school counsellor material. But his essay was good, he knows it was. And he knows he’s going to be good at this. 

So he packs up the beamer, again. Pulls over to sleep in a tent on the side of the road and calls Hopper from a payphone, sobbing because he can’t do it. 

He does it anyway.

He gets to Chicago and his apartment’s on the opposite side of town now but the first time he drives past the hospital again he has a breakdown so bad he almost goes home. But he’s been putting in the work, and he’s doing more than trying now. He’s solid, he’s stable, and he pulls himself together. He calls Hopper and Robin, he goes to meetings, he’s doing well.

He’s studying in a coffee shop, down the street from his apartment, when the open mic starts. 

“Hi everyone,” says a voice that Steve would recognize from a hundred miles away. He forces himself to look and Eddie’s on the little stage, an acoustic guitar in hand. "Thanks for being here with me today. I've got some new stuff for y'all that I think you're going to like."

And then he plays. Steve gives up on his work, leans back in the chair, and watches. Eddie looks... he looks good. Better than he had when Steve was around. His hair's still long but it's curly and bouncy, and his skin is bright and alive in the way an addict's never is. His fingers skip, sure and strong, over the frets and his voice is that same melody Steve has never let himself forget, with this almost bluegrass twang that makes Steve's heart ache. He’s playing different music, and he’s shining like he’s made of gold in the late afternoon sun.

There's something about it, about watching Eddie, that feels a bit like healing. Eddie had always loved to play, but the music scene he was in had broken him before, not fixed him. He'd always wanted to make more of his own music, and here it is and it's good. The songs are catchy, straddling his blues/folk upbringing and his rock/metal lifestyle.

And then Eddie finishes a song, maybe his sixth, and his eyes scan the crowd and Steve feels when they land on him. He feels the way the whole room runs out of air, all at once, and Eddie is totally frozen for a full minute. Steve's heart is beating a million miles an hour-he wants to get up, he wants to run, but he's frozen to the seat. Pinned by Eddie's gaze.

And he knows he's been doing better, he has, but nothing was ever as good as it could have been because this is what he was missing.

"I've got," Eddie finally says, and has to stop and clear his throat. "I've got one more song for you." He's talking to the audience, but he never looks away from Steve, and the room has narrowed so much it might as well only be only the two of them there. "This one's about the one I chased away."

Steve pays attention to the lyrics and his heart breaks half a dozen times. Eddie sings about hating himself, about Steve hating him, about how the thing that tore them apart is the thing Eddie will never touch again, how the hatred is what drove him to be better. He sings about forgiveness and healing and when he finishes the coffee shop claps, Eddie waves, and the spotlight cuts.

It isn't even a conscious decision, but Steve finds himself walking up to the stage. Eddie turns away from where he's put the guitar away, their eyes meet again and it feels like coming home.

"I don't hate you," Steve whispers, because he's forgotten how to speak. "I never could."

"I'd understand if you would," Eddie says, and he's stepping closer. They're a foot apart now, eyes locked, and Steve's hands are shaking.

"I've been, uh, working really hard on myself." Steve admits, and he can't help himself. He lifts a hand and tucks a curl behind one of Eddie's ears. "I... I think about you all the time."

Eddie grins, and leans into his touch. "Me too," he murmurs, and drags his thumb over Steve's cheekbone. "I've been putting in the fuckin' work, Steve. And it's not easy, and I'm not perfect. I can't ever promise you perfect. But I'm three years sober, and I think I'm worth it, now. I think you're worth my love and I think I'm worth yours."

"I put in the fuckin work too," Steve mumbles, and he tips his head forwards so their foreheads hit.

When they're forty, they look back on this moment and grin at how little they knew. How much they believed their love would be enough, because the first time it wasn't. But this time, now that they've grown, that they've put in the fucking work?

This time, it's enough.

Eddie looks good with babies on his hips. Steve loves him more every day. They look back at forty, at fifty, at eighty, and they know their love could only have existed because they broke it, and learned by themselves how to fix it. It still hurts sometimes, aches like an old wound, but all Steve needs to do is to squeeze Eddie's hand, to feel his heart beating, and he knows:

He wouldn't trade what they have for the world.

(click here to read Eddie’s version, by the incredibly talented @riality-check !)

[oddinary4bts]

Chasing Cars | ch 14 (jjk)

☆summary: when your brother goes to study on a semester abroad, your life collides with his best friend Jeon Jungkook, who's coincidentally your roommate. Will you survive the collision, or will you crumble into dust?

☆pairings: brother's best friend!Jungkook x younger sister!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, this chapter contains mature content)

☆genre: forbidden love?au, college!au, slice of life!au, smut, angst (as usual a lot of it), fluff

☆warnings: mentions of alcohol, a creep at the gym, mentions of Lisa and what happened in the last chapter, cursing, oc and jk finally talk and it hurts, jk gets punched in the face, explicit content: hickey, breast/nipple play, jerking off, oral sex (male and female receiving), hair pulling, ass slapping, unprotected sex (please don't be stupid), big dick!Jungkook, creampie

☆word count: 12.2k

☆a/n: someone said more angst? but this time with a true side of hope (maybe). Hope you guys like it <3 and thank you to @moonleeai for beta-ing, you're the best <3

☆series masterpost

☆add yourself to the taglist here!

☆☆☆☆☆

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

☆☆☆☆☆

Wednesday, October 7th

Days have gone by. Weeks, actually - September giving way to October. You’ve been in a daze, going through the first month of the semester in slow motion. You’ve been focusing on classes more, studying in all the free time that you have, when you’re not going to the gym.

You’ve started going to the gym on a regular schedule. Three to four times a week, most of the time accompanied by Yoongi. It’s easy to know why - Yoongi’s got a crush on the guy who works at the reception of the gym. You think it’s good. Yoongi’s allowed to move on from Hoseok, to finally find someone else who is worth his love. 

It gives you hope that one day you’ll get that for you too. But you’re not there yet - far from it. You’re still feeling the repercussions of that Friday evening when you foolishly believed you and Jungkook were fixable.

Now you think the whole world lies between you and him, and you doubt anything will ever fix that. 

He’s texted you once, since that Friday evening. A few days later, he asked if you wanted to talk. You ignored the message - it was the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but it had to be done. Too much pain stands between you and him for you to be able to be with him.

At least that’s what you’ve been telling yourself. Like a mantra - you’ve been repeating to yourself that you can’t be with him because he’s Taehyung’s best friend, because it would ruin his friendship. And Jungkook deserves his friends, deserves to move on with Lisa if that’s what he wants to be doing.

You know he’s not. You know that night was the last time he saw Lisa outside of their friend group gatherings. You know because last week you were at the bar with Ria, and you’d somehow ended up at Taehyung’s table. You’d felt Lisa’s scalding gaze on you the whole time, yet she’d remained nice to you, polite like she’d always been.

Jungkook has broken more hearts than just yours after all.

You know they have stopped hanging out because Sera asked Lisa where Jungkook was that night. She answered that she didn’t know, that they’d stopped seeing each other. She’d said so looking at you, as if trying to throw the blame on you, but it’d gone unnoticed to the table.

Perhaps because they were drunk. You wouldn’t know - you’ve stopped drinking since that first party of the semester when everything came crashing down.

You take a long sip from the water bottle you always carry to the gym. You’ve been stretching on the black mats, in the smaller room in the corner that some people also use for yoga. Right now it’s just you and some guy you’ve seen around a couple of times before, and you’ve been trying to ignore the way he keeps looking at you.

You wish there was a gym nearby for women only, but there unfortunately isn’t, so you suffer the stares once in a while, though they aren’t as frequent as you initially thought they would be. Maybe because most of the time you aren’t alone - you think maybe you shouldn’t have come alone today.

Luckily enough you’re almost done, so you just move on to the last stretch, the muscles in your back straining for a few seconds before they relax as you take a deep breath. Once you’re done you stand up, heading to the cleaning station to get some paper that you spray with the cleaning spray, and then you walk back to the mat you used to clean it. 

A second later you’re out the door, walking quickly to the women’s locker room. 

A glance to your left makes your heart clench in your chest, so hard you think you might be about to go into cardiac arrest. 

Jungkook is standing by a squat rack, gaze lowered, yet it’s like he senses you watching. His head immediately raises, and he meets your gaze for half a heartbeat before you look away, walking even faster just so that you don’t have to be in his presence anymore.

You could have chosen another gym. But this one is the cheapest and nearest option from your college, so you decided to still come here, even though you knew you’d see Jungkook once in a while. Luckily enough for you, you’ve been able to figure out his approximate gym schedule, and you’ve avoided the hours that he usually comes here.

Hell, he usually comes in the morning, and it’s almost nine pm.

Though you know the true reason why you’ve chosen this gym. Not that you would admit it to anyone - it just feels reassuring to see Jungkook once in a while, to know that he’s doing okay.

Even if the dark circles under his eyes tell you he might not be doing all that good at all. But you’re not close enough to him anymore to be allowed to care, so each time you just disappear the second you catch sight of him, hoping he doesn’t see you. 

Your heart beats out of your chest the whole time you change in the locker room, and you tell yourself you’ll make a beeline for the front doors as soon as you’re out. It’s not as reassuring as you wish it was, and you have to take a few deep breaths before you walk out of the locker room.

A saccharine smile welcomes you outside, and you startle at the sight of the man who had been in the yoga room with you. He’s leaning against the wall, but the second he sees you walking out he pushes up from the wall, folding his arms on his chest.

You hear the distinct sound of alarm bells at the back of your mind as he says, “Hey.”

You swallow, searching for salvation as you glance around the gym, but there’s none to be found.

Jungkook’s not even by the squat racks anymore.

“Hey,” you reply, trying to sound polite.

“I see you here all the time,” the man adds.

You almost gag - you’ve never noticed him before, and the thought that he might have been staring at you multiple times makes you shudder.

“Oh,” you let out.

He smirks, and this time you gulp as you once again scan the gym.

“What’s your name?” the man asks.

Hell, he has to be in his early forties - aren’t there any women his age he could be hitting on instead?

“Sophie,” you reply as quickly as you can, saying the first name that comes to your mind.

“Well, Sophie, I was wondering if you wanted to grab a drink with me?”

You gulp. There’s something in the way he’s looking at you that makes you feel small, like he’s undressing you with his gaze, and you feel infinitely vulnerable in front of him.

“Huh, sorry, I’m busy tonight,” you say.

You make to walk past him, but he steps to the side, blocking your way. “Come on. I promise we’ll have fun.”

Ew.

“I am busy,” you insist as adrenaline flushes through you.

“Clearly,” the man drawls. “Come on, doll, I promise I’m a good time.”

“Excuse me?” you say, unable to help yourself.

The man laughs, but before he has time to say anything, an arm wraps around your shoulder, and you’re pulled into someone’s side. Your first reaction is to punch, but your hand stops midway as you meet Jungkook’s gaze, and everything fades away until it’s just you and him.

“Ready to go?” he asks.

Your eyes dip to his mouth. Fuck… He’s so close, and you’ve missed him so much, and your heart is reaching out for him, searching for him like it’s been doing for weeks.

“Yes,” you answer, and you don’t dare look at the man as Jungkook pulls you even closer.

“Hey, I was busy here,” the man comments, once again blocking your way.

“Well, this is my girlfriend, and we have plans tonight,” Jungkook says, levelling a glare at the man that you wish to never be on the receiving end of. “So respectfully fuck off.”

You wince, thinking that might aggravate the man. But when Jungkook tilts his head to the side with murder in his gaze, the man rolls his eyes, muttering something under his breath that awfully sounds like ‘Fucking bitch’. You have half a thought to punch him for it, but Jungkook steers you away, and despite the weeks and months between you, you feel yourself leaning against him.

The early fall night is warm outside, summer days clinging to October like you’re clinging to Jungkook’s waist right now. You don’t even know when you snaked your arm around his waist. You just know you’re holding him just as much as he’s holding you, and though you don’t talk, you hear thousands of confessions lingering in the air.

“Are you okay?” Jungkook asks softly when you’ve walked away from the gym, towards where you assumed he must have parked his car.

You surprise yourself by blinking back tears at his words, at this revelation that he still cares for you like you care for him.

“Shit,” you let out.

Jungkook lets go of you like he’s the one hurting you, and your arm falls at your side aimlessly as he steps in front of you.

“I’ll make a complaint against him,” he softly reassures you. “So that he can’t work out at this gym anymore.”

You nod, blinking away the tears. You succeed, and you take a deep breath before you meet Jungkook’s gaze.

You don’t think you were ready for the softness, for the yearning that his gaze holds right now. “Thank you,” you whisper.

He smiles, infinitely sadly. “Of course, Y/n. Do you want me to drive you home?”

You’re almost foolish enough to tell him that you already are home, here with him.

“Please,” you say.

He nods. “I’m parked this way.”

You follow him, clutching the straps of the duffel bag you’ve been using for your gym clothes. He’s parked closer than you thought he was, and just a minute later, you’re sitting in his car, and he’s driving you towards the dorms.

The silence is heavy in the car - filled with memories of you and him, and of the breaking that followed. You look at his profile as he drives, and he’s careful not to glance your way, like doing so is admitting maybe you both are still vulnerable for the other.

And you want to speak, want to voice the words haunting you. But you can’t. Not when you chose to not reply to him when he texted you weeks ago. Not when all you can picture is Lisa coming out of the bathroom wearing his shirt, while he stood there, mute, his head hanging low.

So you remain silent, as does he, up until he parks in front of the dorms. You swallow a lump in your throat as you lay a hand on the knob, ready to open the car, but he clears his throat, and your eyes snap to him.

“Do you…” he trails off, toying with his piercings. “Do you think you’ll ever move back home?”

The question is treacherous, a dagger that stabs right through your beating heart. 

“I don’t think I can,” you answer in a whisper.

He nods once, not glancing at you. “Okay.” He wets his lips as he takes a deep breath, and then he finally shoots you a quick look. “I’m sorry.”

He truly does look sorry, apologetic, his big doe eyes once again filled with sadness and yearning and so many regrets you think he might be drowning in them.

“It’s okay,” you reassure him, and you offer him a tentative smile. “It’s fun to experience the dorm life a little.”

“Yeah?”

You nod. “Ria is a fun roommate.”

His Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. “I’m glad she is.”

You hold his gaze for a few seconds longer, and you see he means so much more. You see the longing - it’s reflected in your own eyes. But you can’t be with him, not after all that happened. So you open the door, looking away from him even though it costs your soul to do so.

“Thank you for driving me,” you whisper.

“Of course,” he answers, voice heavy with emotions you don’t want to interpret.

Not when they might crush you with no chance of survival.

“I’ll see you around,” you add as you pick up your duffel bag from where you’d left it at your feet.

“See you around,” he echoes.

You take a deep breath, offer him one last tight-lipped smile, and then you shut the door, turning away from him before he can see the tears pooling in your eyes. Before you can let your heart break again, before you decide to go home with him after all.

Before you can accept that there were tears pooling in his gaze, too.

Thursday, October 10th 

You like your Thursdays. You only have a class in the afternoon, and it’s your easiest class this semester, with a professor who genuinely loves what she’s doing and who teaches it grandly. It’s an engaging class, where she makes everyone participate, and though you usually hate those, she always manages to make everyone feel comfortable enough to actually participate.

You wish all your classes were like this, but alas, most of them suck.

But yes, you like your Thursdays. Maybe the sun shining bright on your walk home through campus contributes to it, the slowly-changing leaves in the trees beautiful in their multitudes of colours - some still green, others red, yellow, orange and brown. It makes for a pretty picture, and the warmth from yesterday still lingers around, so much so that numerous students are lounging on the lawn in front of the college, sharing snacks or studying or just taking in the sun while they still can.

Your heart was heavy all night yesterday, keeping you up almost till dawn, but the sun rays are healing today, so much so that the thought of Jungkook doesn’t hurt quite as much.

You get to the dorms with a smile tickling the corner of your lips. You usually head home with Nabi, but she said she wanted to go see Namjoon first, and so she went to his office after your class. So you’re alone when you push the door open, and you’re convinced you’re alone when you close the door behind you, kicking off your shoes.

You only realize Ria is hiding under a pile of blankets when she peeks through, startling you. You jump, ready to throw a punch if needed, and she starts laughing as she pushes the blankets off.

You laugh with her as your heart races in your chest, and you lay a hand on the beating organ to try and calm it.

“You scared the shit out of me!” you let out, and you put your backpack down next to Nabi’s bed - your bed for the last month.

“Sorry,” she apologizes, but you doubt she really is. “I needed this though.” 

You slightly furrow your brows, and you only then make out her red nose and puffy, blood-shot eyes. It’s evident that she’s been crying, and your heart sinks in your chest at the sight.

“What’s wrong?” you ask, immediately moving closer to her, sitting on her bed close enough that your thigh touches hers through the many blankets.

She shifts to give you more space, and you climb on the bed properly.

“I don’t know, man,” she says, and her voice wobbles as tears fill her eyes again.

You tug her into a hug, and she cries against your chest. You’re mortified - you’ve never seen Ria cry, and there’s something wrong about it, like the sun just rose in the west instead of the east, or like it’s raining upwards. You hate it, and you rub her back soothingly, holding her closer as sobs rock through her.

“I just,” she lets out between two sobs. “He started seeing someone else.”

Oh.

You had an inkling it had to do with Seokjin, but now the confirmation breaks your heart for your friend, for the feelings she refused to admit to herself.

And now she’s too late, much like you were that Friday night when you ran home to Jungkook, hoping you’d be able to confess your love for him.

“I’m sorry, baby,” you whisper.

She raises her head long enough to wipe her cheeks and meet your gaze. “You said this would happen.”

And then she’s sobbing again, and you hold her close, not caring that she’s currently staining your shirt with her tears. 

“And the worst part is that she’s so pretty,” Ria continues. “Clearly super smart too. Like obviously she’d be his type, you know.” 

She pulls her phone out of the pile of blankets, and the screen turns to life as she angles towards her face. She then hands you her phone, and you see that she’s on a girl’s profile.

“Look at the story,” Ria says.

You click on it, and the picture that comes up is one of Seokjin looking to the side, laughing at something. He looks annoyingly perfect like that, his eye crinkling at the corner in joy.

The picture was also posted only twenty minutes ago, so you know this is fresh.

 “How did you find this?” you ask.

Ria plops on her back, sighing dramatically as she looks up at the ceiling and at the glued fluorescent stars that you placed there the week after you moved in. 

“He told me he was going on a date,” she admits, her lips jutting out in the hint of a pout.

“Oh?” you press.

“I know,” she grumbles. “Yes, we’ve started talking again.”

You think it’s progress, but you don’t mention it, not wanting to scare her when she’s finally admitting her feelings to herself.

“And he just told you he was going on a date?” you ask.

She nods, and tears well up in her eyes again, though this time she successfully blinks them again. “Yeah, we said we’d be friends? And yesterday he told me about the date, and about who he was going to go with.” Ria pulls one of the blankets over her face, shielding herself from the world. “Fuck, I even helped him pick out what to wear.”

You wince, and you’re glad she can’t see it. “You want to be just friends with him?” you ask.

“I don’t know,” she admits. “I just know that I’ve been stalking the girl obsessively since yesterday, and I saw the story as soon as she posted it.”

“Yikes,” you let out.

“I know,” Ria whines. “I’m such a mess.”

You pat the top of her head that still sticks out from underneath the blanket. “I think this is good.”

She pulls the blanket off her features, glaring at you. “How can you say that?”

“Because you’re finally realizing you have feelings for him, no?”

Her mouth falls open, but she doesn’t say anything. Just stares at you as her waterline increasingly becomes wet, and then tears fall onto her cheeks again. You quickly grab a tissue on her bedside table, and then you gently wipe her cheeks as she just keeps staring at you, clearly realizing that you are right.

That she’s in love with Kim Seokjin.

“Shit,” she lets out after a while. “What am I supposed to do?”

You offer her a gentle smile. “You tell him. You tell him before it’s too late and things go any further with the girl.”

“He did say he wasn’t going to stay with her late”, Ria says. “He’s got work at six.”

“So then text him at six, and ask him if he wants to hang out.”

She widens her gaze. “I can’t just do that,” she says.

You tilt your head to the side. “Why?”

She shrugs. “Because I am a fucking mess right now,” she grumbles.

You laugh, patting her head again. And though you agree she does look a mess, you know it’s fixable. Ria is easily the most beautiful person you know - even when she’s crying.

“Then let’s get you ready. Let’s eat something good, do your makeup and all that shit.”

She scrunches up her nose, yet a smile slowly tickles the corners of her lips. “And what do I tell him?”

“You tell him how you feel,” you say, and the parallel between your situation with Jungkook hits you so deep you think you almost fall off the bed. “You tell him how you feel before it’s too late.”

“What if it’s already too late?”

What if you get there and he’s already with someone else?

“Then at least you’ll have tried,” you say. “And I’ll be here to comfort you if needed.”

She takes a deep breath, like she’s amassing all the courage in this world, and then she nods once curtly as she sits up. “Then at least I’ll have tried,” she echoes. She smiles, a smile that starts with her eyes and then trickles down to her lips. It’s a smile of hope, of sun after the storm, and you can’t help but reciprocate it even though your circumstances are so much more dire.

Even though you were too late.

“Let’s do it.”

*****

You sit outside, the last of the warmth of the day clinging to the edges of campus. The early fall smells of wet leaves and dirt and lingering sun rays, and you take it all in. It’s relaxing, calming, even though you’re aware you likely shouldn’t be out at this hour of the evening alone.

But Seokjin told Ria he’d come over, and you weren’t going to be the cockblock to their conversation.

You don’t know what you’re doing here. You’re in the park you had to go through last year to get to your apartment, the one where you’d fallen in a puddle of mud on Valentine’s Day, before you’d gotten home and Jungkook saved your pants from the stain.

Before your very first kiss with Jeon Jungkook, the first of a long chain that was only leading up to catastrophe.

Your conversation with Ria keeps replaying in your head. You’re aware her situation with Seokjin isn’t exactly the same as that of you and Jungkook, yet the parallels strike deep tonight, as you sit there in the park that saw the beginning of whatever it is that you and Jungkook were.

You were too late. At least that’s what you’ve been repeating to yourself for hours. Indeed, when you’d gone home that Friday night, he’d been with Lisa. It’d been proof that he was moving on, that he might have liked you one day but doesn’t anymore.

But then again, you’ve seen him wither - from a distance, obviously. You’ve heard what his friends say about him. How he’s been isolating himself, playing video games and just focusing on college. Because he has to live up to his father’s expectations - at least that’s what Jimin said when you were at the bar, and you learned that Jungkook and Lisa were over.

But you’ve seen him wither like a flower in the fall. His eyes growing heavier, his back never fully straight anymore like he can’t bear the weight that was placed on his shoulders. Or maybe that’s the effect that you have on him, and when you’re not around, he’s okay.

You really hope he is. At least then one of you wouldn’t be dying, breaking and breaking all over again whenever you think about everything that went down between you and him.

You wish he’d told you about Gabrielle. You wish he hadn’t held that promise, but then again it shows that Jungkook will do anything for those he cares about.

Like intervene when some creep is harassing you at the gym. Like driving you home to the dorms even though the atmosphere was tinted with bittersweet pain, with the memories of when you’d laughed in that same car on the way to New York.

Memories of when you’d given him a blow job after that party because you couldn’t keep your hands off him.

Then again, you reckon the memories of you and Jungkook aren’t confined to his car. They’re everywhere, because for months he’d followed you around everywhere, always in your heart.

Not that he’s left your heart. There’s still a hole shaped like him where he used to be, and nothing you’ve done has been able to do anything about it.

No, everything always leads back to him - even your friends falling in love anew leads you back to him, to the memories of when he’d whispered sweet nothings against your skin in the middle of the night. Of when he’d told you to sleep in his bed if you missed him - did he ever notice that you did? That you slept in his clothes, that you clung to him even though you’d told him that you were over?

Your heart breaks anew, always. It shatters like you’ve barely repaired it, and you know you haven’t. Hell, he’s always haunting you, like he’s the ghost haunting the hallways of your life. 

You know he is. Because everything always leads back to him. Every conversation that you have reminds you of him, and you wish you could be Ria. Wish it wasn’t too late for you, wish Jungkook wasn’t Taehyung’s friend.

You wish that you didn’t care about all of that, that you could just go back to your apartment right now and tell Jungkook every secret you’ve carried in the nights you spent with him. You wish you could just say everything without holding anything back. Not because you wish that he was yours - no, only because you don’t think you’ll ever be able to move on if you don’t get the closure you never got with him.

Because there always were more words lingering in the air, more truths untold that hid in the deepest corners of your hearts, both yours and his.

There always were, but should there still be?

Can you just go up to him tonight and say everything, not caring about the consequences?

Isn’t that the advice you just gave to Ria?

You’re up before you’ve fully registered the thought. Before you realize that you’ve come to a certain catharsis sitting there tonight, as your friend confesses her love to the one she might be too late to have.

Your feet know the way, following that same trail you’ve walked a hundred times before, if not more. And your steps are sure, confident, like you haven’t spent months breaking yourself over him.

But you’re done breaking. You want healing, you want the sun to pierce the clouds that have been covering the land of your mind. You want some happiness, you want, like Yoongi, to be able to move on. You foolishly want, like Ria, to be able to tell Jungkook how you feel.

And so what if it impacts his friendship with Taehyung? You have a feeling the friendship’s already been impacted by Jungkook’s shattered heart.

You owe him to be able to heal, too.

You’re in front of the apartment, standing at the bottom of the short flight of stairs, all of ten minutes later. Looking up at the door, remembering when a paradise of you and Jungkook awaited you behind it.

Now, you think it’s hell on Earth awaiting you, but maybe there’s solace to be found in confronting the reason for the jagged pieces of your heart.

It occurs to you then that Taehyung and Ariane might be home, that they might end up being witnesses to something you so wish could be just yours and Jungkook’s. 

You’ve had enough of Taehyung being at the back of your mind whenever it comes to Jungkook.

“Y/n?”

You startle for the second time that day, though this time you jump so high you think you might have jumped out of your skin. 

Jungkook is standing to your left, gym bag in hand, and he looks at you with questions in his eyes, like he too can’t believe he gets to speak to you again in just a few days.

“Hey,” you let out.

He chews on his piercings, big doe eyes not leaving you. He doesn’t even blink, like he’s afraid you might disappear if he does so.

“What are you doing here so late?” he asks.

You smile softly, and your heartbeats don’t hurt as much as they usually do. Like this is where you were supposed to be tonight, after the gentleness of the afternoon.

Before your conversation with Ria, that is.

“Are Tae and Ari home?” you ask, not replying to his question.

He takes it in stride, taking a few steps towards you, though he stops at a safe distance from you. “No. Everyone’s out to the movie theatre right now.”

“Right now?” you echo. 

He nods once. “They’re going to the ten pm show because Sera was working at the library until nine.”

Which means you have hours of blessed alone time with Jungkook to talk to him. You can’t help it - you look up to the sky, and watch the blindingly bright moon that reigns up there. 

“Good,” you say.

He takes another step towards you, and you meet his gaze again, offering him another smile. He looks at it like it’s foreign, like he hasn’t spent months tangled up with you in his bed or yours, in New York City or here.

“Why are you here?” he asks again, his voice lower this time. Softer, gentler, like he’s afraid he’ll scare you away.

“Can we talk?”

His gaze widens almost unnoticeably, and his lips part like he wants to say something but doesn’t know what to say. He closes his mouth, gulps, and then says, “Sure, let’s go in.”

You end up following behind him, as he already had the keys in one hand. The apartment hasn’t changed at all since the last time you were here - since that Friday night Lisa walked out of the bathroom - and it’s just as warm and homey as you remember it to be.

Even more so as Jungkook kicks off his shoes, putting his gym bag down by the door as he eyes you carefully.

“What did you want to talk about?” he asks.

You reckon you could be fully honest right now. You could tell him how you feel, you could say you fell in love all those months ago despite the odds working against you. You could say everything, yet you don’t want to jump into it right away. You want to enjoy this moment with him - it might be your very last after all.

“How have you been?” you query as you take your shoes off.

He pulls on his piercings and then glances to his right. “Do you want to sit while we talk?”

You nod, and a moment later you’ve moved to the kitchen, and you’re pouring a glass of water for you and him from the filtered pitcher in the fridge.

You put his glass down in front of him, and he looks at it like it too is foreign to him. Like your kindness is a stranger, and you think maybe it is.

Maybe after telling him you were over in Paris, your kindness died in his eyes.

“Thank you,” he says, and he takes a long sip of water as you sit down next to him.

In the chair to his right, much like you’d been on Valentine’s Day.

“So?” you ask, and he cocks an eyebrow in question.

Gosh… the circles underneath his eyes seem darker, and there’s a hollowness to his cheeks that you didn’t really notice before. Maybe he hasn’t been eating enough, the heartbreak stealing his appetite much like it’d stolen yours.

Did he really care this much about you?

“So what?” he lets out.

“How have you been?” 

He doesn’t like the question. You can see it in the way he tenses, in the way his shoulders hunch forward even more like he’s trying to protect himself.

“I’ve been okay,” he replies.

You get it. You don’t deserve the truth, not after all the distance between the two of you.

“You?” he adds after a few seconds.

You take a deep breath, looking away from him to glance down at the glass on the table between your hands. “I haven’t been doing all that great,” you admit. “Not too bad, but not too great, you know?”

He looks apologetic when you meet his gaze, yet he nods his head in understanding. “Yeah.”

There’s a silence, like maybe the crevice really is too large for him to hear you from your side. But you don’t want it to be that way - you’ll leap over the crevice if you have to, but you want to tell Jungkook everything.

You need it, or you’ll never be able to heal.

“I…” you trail off, and you take another deep breath, trying to find the courage that invaded you while you were at the park.

It seems like it left you empty now that you’re sitting next to Jungkook, and you hate it.

You hate everything that made it so that it’s now awkward between you and Jeon Jungkook.

“You what?” he presses gently.

You take a sip of water. “I wanted to talk about us.”

Your words fall between you and him, so loud you think they might have pierced your eardrums.

Jungkook just looks at you in silence and then looks around himself. “What if Tae comes home?”

“Jungkook, I don’t care if Taehyung comes home right now,” you say, and you find yourself fighting sudden tears. “I’m so tired.”

He murmurs your name, and some part of you yearns for the way he’d used to call you peach, teasingly yet softly like it was the most beautiful word in his dictionary. 

“We never told each other how we felt,” you continue, realizing that you maybe should have rehearsed something before deciding to come here, if only so that you wouldn’t look stupid right now. “We spent months together and yet…” You pause, and he too remains silent, like he’s so startled by the conversation that he’s entirely mute now.

“Yet we never said anything about how we felt,” you add. “That’s why I came home that night.”

You hope he knows which one you’re referring to, and it seems like he does. His big doe eyes fill with the same sorrow you know is in yours, and he says, “I’m so sorry.”

It hurts. It hurts far too much for you to be able to breathe, and you look up to the ceiling, furiously blinking away tears. “For what?” you ask.

“For not telling you about Gabrielle,” he says. “For thinking that my promise to her was more important than what you and I had.”

“It destroyed my trust in you…” you admit, voice smaller than the drop of condensation rolling down your glass right now.

“I know,” he answers. “I’ve been hating myself for it for months.”

You hadn’t expected this much truth from him, so quickly. Not when months have passed without you exchanging more than just a few surface-level sentences.

Not when just a moment ago, he’d lied and told you he’s been doing okay.

“Don’t,” you whisper.

“Don’t tell me what I should do or not do,” he fires back, so softly you barely hear him. “I’ve been going insane, Y/n.”

“Jungkook…”

“You want to know how I felt?” he asks, and there’s sudden anger in his tone, dripping from his every syllable. “You want to know how it felt when I was in Paris and had to pretend that I wasn’t in love with you so that your brother didn’t get upset?” You barely register the confession - he barely leaves you time to register it as he adds, “I was fucking ruined. I hate lying, and I had to lie about you to my best friend because you asked me to.”

“Jungkook…” you trail off. “I just wanted us to tell him together.”

“And it led to that fucking shitshow with Gabrielle,” he says, ignoring your intervention. “If I’d been able to tell her we were together, she would have never kissed me. And she only did it because she didn’t want people to know that she’s gay.” He scoffs. “Which is frankly stupid because we’re in 2024 and if her parents don’t approve of her then they can fuck right off.”

You don’t say anything to that, mostly because you think that’s a conversation he has to have with her, and not with you.

“And then you dumped me, you refused to trust me, and I fucking got lost in Paris until I had to call Gaby for help. And I told her everything then, because what was the point of holding back?”

It’s like there was a dam inside of Jungkook, and you coming here tonight burst it open, words cascading out of his mouth like they can’t be stopped.

Like he took the time to rehearse what he wanted to tell you if he ever got the chance to.

“I didn’t dump you,” you say when the silence stretches for a few seconds. “We were never together.”

“Right.” Jungkook chuckles so dryly that you think you might have just fallen into the Sahara desert. “Because of your brother, right?”

“Why are you so mad?” you ask, feeling your own temper flaring despite the fact that you’d meant to come here and tell him about the love that bears his name in your chest.

“Because, Y/n, I’ve been fucking miserable for months,” Jungkook says, voice raising. “Because I went back to New York to have my whole family laugh at me when they realized we weren’t together anymore. Because I was forced to officially become the heir of JJS because my brother chose to open his own company. Because the one time I thought maybe I should try to move on you decided to come barging in and you saw everything.”

“You’re blaming me for coming here that Friday?” you ask in disbelief. “Fuck, Jungkook, I lived here.”

“You were already out,” he points out. 

“So that gave you the right to just fuck another girl?”

He rolls his eyes, sighing deeply. “See, it pissed me off when you ignored the text I sent you after that, but now I realize that it might have been for the best.”

You don’t answer anything, not when your heart aches so fiercely. You don’t think there’s any fight left in you - there barely had any to begin with. You didn’t think you’d fight with him tonight, didn’t plan for it to lead here, yet here you sit, watching his features contorted in rage he must have kept bottled up for weeks.

It occurs to you then that Jungkook doesn’t love you anymore. That the feelings festered, turned to a much uglier feeling you don’t want to name right now.

“Why?” you ask. “Why was it for the best?”

“Because we can’t fucking be together, Y/n. Because it never was about Paris, it never was about Gaby and Lisa.” He pauses as silver lines his gaze, but he blinks it away. “Because it’s always been about Taehyung, right? You never would have dated me because of Taehyung.”

“You know,” you let out, and you scoff, shaking your head. “I was coming here tonight to tell you that I fell in love with you last semester. But shit was I fucking wrong for that.” Your voice becomes louder as you keep going until you’re practically screaming in his face. “Yes, because of Taehyung. Yes, you’re right. What happened in Paris never mattered. It was always about how we couldn’t be together because of Tae.”

He’s stunned silent, and he just looks at you as you clench your jaw, taking a deep breath. You’re trying to staunch the flow of your anger, of the tears that threaten to spill on your cheeks, but it quickly occurs to you that you’re not going to win the fight.

You get up so quickly the chair almost falls behind you, and you storm out of the kitchen as the first tear falls.

“Y/n,” Jungkook says behind you, and he’s up and out of the kitchen a second later.

You try to put your shoes on, yet they blur behind the tears in your gaze.

“Y/n,” Jungkook says again, louder this time.

Maybe because he’s closer, or because he actually spoke louder. You don’t know, don’t care.

All you want is to flee the scene before he sees the ugliness of your broken heart.

You manage to put your first shoe on, but Jungkook bends down and picks up the other one before you can put it on.

“Give that back,” you say, and you angrily dry the tears on your face with the back of a hand.

“No,” he says.

“I fucking hate you,” you practically scream, and Jungkook drops the shoe.

He smiles softly. 

“No, you don’t.”

You don’t know who makes the first move. Don’t know how or why or when, but Jungkook cradles your face as you grab a handful of his sweater to hold him close. His lips hit yours so hard you think you taste blood, and he pushes you back against the door to deepen the kiss.

Your tongue darts out of your mouth to play with his piercings once, and he grunts as he drives his knee between your legs, then thinks better of it and picks you up. He holds you up against the door, his mouth moving in time with yours, languidly. It’s soul-destroying, like he’s wiping everything you were clean so that you can start anew.

You want it to be that. You want this kiss to be born of feelings and not anger, of the love you both had for each other.

You want it to be born out of the love you were so afraid of that you kept finding reasons to keep it locked away. Because he is right - you always used Taehyung as an excuse to keep Jungkook a safe distance away. 

Not that he was any better. He was doing the same thing, up until he wasn’t. Up until he told you he’d tell Taehyung everything in Paris, and suffer the consequences. You were the one then to tell him to wait, and today you know it was a mistake.

Today, you know you shouldn’t have waited before calling Jeon Jungkook yours. Because it allowed him to slip through your fingers, and you don’t think you’ll ever forgive yourself for it.

Jungkook’s tongue meets yours, and you let out a breathy sound as his hands rove your body, up and down your sides like he can’t choose a spot to linger on. Yours are lost in his hair - you’re already pulling at the strands just the way you know he likes. And he’s quick to react, to suck on your tongue, teeth teasing it. It steals a moan from the confines of your chest, and Jungkook grunts as he pulls away.

“Tell me to stop,” he whispers as he leans his forehead against yours. “Tell me to stop, and I’ll let you leave, and you’ll never have to see me again.”

Your hands move down until they cup his cheeks, and you gently swipe your thumb on his soft skin. “Kiss me again,” you whisper.

“Fuck,” he curses and then adds your name at the end.

His mouth is ravishing yours again a second later, and this time, you know nothing will stop you. Nothing can stop you - not when you’ve been craving his touch for so long.

Jungkook carries you towards his bedroom, disconnecting from your lips so that he can look where he’s going over your shoulder. He’s about to push the door open when you have a flash of Lisa here, and you tense in his hold.

He immediately stops moving, glancing at you to meet your gaze.

“Can we go in my room?”

He nods yes, and you peck his lips once before he starts walking again.

Your room is dark and cold when he pushes the door open, yet he drops you on the bed all the same. You watch as he bends down to plug the string of fairy lights into the outlet, and a second later the room is bathed in a soft glow that reminds you of nights with him, of falling in love until you didn’t make sense without him anymore.

You don’t. You don’t make sense without Jungkook.

He takes off his sweater, revealing planes of honey skin you’ve missed far too much, his tiny dark nipples perked from the cold. That reminds you of the power outage, of the first time you’d been with Jungkook like this, right in this room.

“I missed you,” you whisper.

He doesn’t say anything, yet you know that he missed you too. It’s in his eyes, in the way he looks at you so adoringly, and in the way he climbs on top of you so that he can kiss you again, slower this time.

Like tonight, time has stopped, and you can enjoy him eternally.

You kiss him back, putting all the feelings in your chest in the motion of your lips against the softness of his. Your hands find his warm skin, and you caress his back as you kiss and kiss, as his tongue gently traces your mouth and finds your own tongue.

He pulls away a few seconds later, only to move down until he’s sucking a mark on your neck. It takes you by surprise, and you moan as you pull at his hair. He resists for a few seconds, keeps sucking on your skin until he’s sure to have left a hickey behind, and then he finally meets your gaze.

The darkness in his eyes hints at barely concealed lust, which you reciprocate as you wrap your legs around his dainty waist, forcing him to grind on you.

You’re not surprised in the slightest to find him already hard.

“I don’t think I can be gentle with you tonight,” Jungkook says, voice low. “You’ve driven me crazy.”

“Don’t be gentle,” you challenge. 

He doesn’t need to hear more before he’s crashing his mouth on yours again, with none of the previous softness. It’s rough, claiming, like he wants you to know that you’re his, and that you’ve always been his. He pulls at your bottom lip, sucks on it as he runs a hand down your side and under your shirt, and he brings it up until he cups your breast, searching your nipple through your bra.

He lets out a frustrated sound when he doesn’t manage to find it right away, and he pushes your bra up until it lies over your breasts and his digits finally find the sensitive nipple.

He pinches it, hard enough to earn a pained moan from you, and he moves his head to your neck, lapping at the mark he already put there.

“Tell me to stop anytime and I’ll stop,” he says, voice gravelly and husky and so unlike the softness that clung to him earlier.

It turns you on far more than you thought it would.

“Okay,” you say.

He smirks against your neck, and then he nibbles at your earlobe before kneeling between your legs. “Take off your shirt.”

You nod, sitting up as much as you can. He helps you get rid of the fabric - it’s a college sweater you got last fall - and he throws it to the floor.

Your bra follows soon - you think he’s about to kiss you again when he stills, eyes going wide as he looks at your exposed breasts, and then up at your face.

“You’ve been wearing the necklace?” he asks, and the softness is back in full force, making you think that it might have actually never left.

“I haven’t taken it off once,” you admit with a small, vulnerable voice.

“Fuck…” he trails off. “Fuck, Y/n.”

You wish he’d called you peach, but you think there might be another moment for it, a better moment.

You think this might not be goodbye.

He kisses you again, soft for a few seconds before he claims your mouth again. A few more seconds later he’s moving down your frame, wrapping his lips around one of your nipples while he plays with the other. You moan softly, hands looking for purchase on your bed until you decide better and lose them in his silk-soft hair again.

He circles your nipple with his tongue, flicks it once before sucking, and then moves to the other one, giving it the same treatment. He teases your breasts like that for a little longer, like he’s trying to remember every curve of you, and then he goes even lower, pressing open-mouthed kisses down your abdomen up until he reaches the band of your pants.

He hooks his thumbs in your pants as if he might try to rip them off your body, but he lets go instead, kneeling between your legs.

“You know,” he lets out, and he palms himself through his pants. “I want to feel you tonight.”

You reach between the two of you as you prop yourself up on an elbow. “I want to feel you too.”

His fingers run up your side, finding your bird tattoo. He traces it lightly, then meets your gaze and says, “You got a new tattoo.”

You nod.

“I love it.”

You don’t have time to say thank you before he’s crashing his lips on yours once more, stealing the words from your mouth. He doesn’t linger there for long - a second later he’s kneeling between your legs again, unbuttoning your pants. He helps you out of the fabric, dropping it on the floor with your sweater. He leaves your panties on - his eyes darken with lust at the wet spot you know already stains the lilac fabric between your legs.

“Shit,” he curses lowly, and he runs a thumb over the wet spot. “You’re so wet.”

You gulp, holding his gaze as you nod once. “Do something about it.”

He smirks, tilting his head to the side. “Oh, don’t worry, I will.”

You watch him as he gets up, taking off the rest of his clothes. Soon, he stands in all his glory, fisting his dick a couple of times as you take in the sight.

“Come here,” Jungkook says, motioning for you to sit on the side of your bed.

Your bed is low enough so that his dick is almost at eye level, and he taps it on your lips as you look up at him.

You know what he wants. Yet you resist, your hands gripping his thighs hard enough for your nails to dig into his skin just a little. He winces, tapping your mouth again, and you feel some of his precum on your lips.

You lick it clean, and then you give a tentative lick to the head of his cock.

“Fuck,” he grunts. “Actually, I don’t even think you should-”

You interrupt his sentence by taking his dick in your mouth, sucking hard as you tease it with your tongue. Jungkook moans out a curse, and you don’t give him time to say anything else before you grab the base of his dick so that you can jerk him off in time with the back and forth of your head.

It’s sloppy, drool slipping out of your mouth and dripping from your chin. You don’t care - you use it to jerk him off better, faster, and Jungkook throws his head back, the muscles on his abdomen shifting under his skin.

You cup his balls, massaging them with a light touch as you keep on sucking him, your eyes slowly watering every time he hits the back of your throat. Jungkook just lets you do it, doesn’t take control, and your pussy drips and drips, soaking your panties.

You’re so horny for him, even with all the history between you.

Even though you’re not sure if this is goodbye.

Jungkook suddenly pulls your head back by the hair, hard enough for your scalp to burn. A string of spit still connects his dick to your mouth, and you lick it clean as he looks down on you, breathing heavily.

“Get on all fours,” he orders, and he lets go of your hair so that you can move.

Though you’re usually a brat, you don’t dare disobey right now, so you move until you’re positioned like he asked you to. He slaps your ass, and your skin tingles as he massages the spot, bending down to press a kiss on your spine.

He moves between your legs now, pushing your panties to the side so he can lick a long stripe from your clit to your entrance, dipping his tongue inside once before he straightens.

“Think you can already take me?” he asks, and he rubs his tip on your clit.

You moan unabashedly loudly, hiding your face in a pillow. He keeps rubbing his dick on you, never sliding it in, and you eventually look back towards him.

“Just be slow at first,” you tell him, heart beating out of your chest with all your desire for him.

He massages your ass again. “Don’t think you can take it?” he teases.

You swallow, letting out a breathy sound as he rubs on your clit again. “I just…” you trail off, and you grip the sheets as if that’ll help you concentrate. “I haven’t had sex since April.”

Jungkook freezes behind you, his cock still pressed on you. You meet his gaze and fall in the depths of his eyes.

You’ve always been falling for him anyway.

He bends down, finding your mouth despite the awkwardness of the position. You kiss softly, yet you’re painfully aware of his tip nudging your entrance, yet never sliding in. And though you’re also painfully aware he hasn’t put a condom on yet, you reach behind you, grabbing his dick to hold it in place as you push back, until he’s finally sliding in.

He’s huge. You think he’s even bigger than before, and you moan out his name as he slips in slowly, one inch at a time. You feel every vein, every ridge, his dick spearing you open until you’re full with him, stretched so wide open you see stars.

You both don’t move once he’s fully embedded inside of you, your walls clenching around him by instinct. His breathing is ragged, and he leans his forehead on the side of your face, pecking your cheek once as he gives you time to adjust to the impressive size of him.

“Let’s stay here forever, mmh?” he murmurs.

“Kook…”

“You know,” he whispers softly, and he slowly pulls back only to push back in roughly, his balls slapping on your clit. “I’ve been imagining fucking you raw.” He pulls back, pushes back in. “A whole fucking lot.” Another back and forth of his hips, and he hits so hard you move forward on the bed. “And I gotta admit -” skin slaps against skin - “that the real thing doesn’t compare to my imagination.”

He straightens, and then he starts pounding into you so hard all you can do is hold onto the sheets and moan his name.

He’s right though - you feel him a thousand times more than you’ve ever felt him before, the lack of a condom rendering the act oh so sinful. And though you’re aware it might be a dumb idea, you too just want to feel all of him. To be just one - your bodies linked in the most intimate of ways.

Jungkook pulls out, flipping you on your back. You’re dizzy for half a second, but then you meet his gaze, right as he thrusts forward in one swift motion, impaling you on his cock. You moan as he grunts, his eyebrows bunched together over his eyes in what you know is pleasure. He’s sucking on his piercings, and he looks so hot you just want more of him.

“Harder,” you beg.

He laughs lightly, sounding out of breath. “Fuck.”

But he gives in to your desire, fucking you hard enough so that he’s the only thing you can think of. Your room is filled with the squelching sounds that your pussy makes each time he thrusts forward and with the slapping of his skin against yours; his grunts and your breathy sounds form a melody meant for your ears only, and you feel a knot slowly tightening in your core. Your hands have shifted to his muscular thighs at some point, and your nails dig into his skin, making him hiss.

He leans forward, locking you between his arms as he slows down the rhythm, yet keeps it just as rough. His lips find yours, and you taste the light sheen of sweat on his upper lip as he kisses you languidly, his tongue easily finding yours.

You think the kiss slows time. It slows time until every moment feels like forever, until each of his thrusts last a light year. You feel infinite - you are infinite, as long as he’s with you. It’s a beautiful feeling, one that swells in your chest gently until your heart bursts with warmth for him, with all the feelings you’ve been trying to repress for months.

With all the feelings you’ve been trying to repress since that first time you saw him, running into him outside of the apartment. Since that first time he called you peach - and all the times following that.

You’ve been in love with Jeon Jungkook for a lot longer than you ever wished to admit to yourself, but there’s nothing scary about it. Not when you know he feels the same. And if this is goodbye, if this moment is to be your last, you know it will always be your favourite ending.

Because if the world was ending now, you know you’d die happy.

Jungkook pulls away from the kiss, resting his forehead against yours. Your nails trace idle forms on his back, digging in whenever he thrusts forward, and you’re full of him, oh so full of him.

“I missed you,” he whispers. “I missed you so fucking much.”

The revelation steals your breath, as does the rapid rhythm he establishes next. The new angle feels sinfully good, the weight of his body on yours is entrancing, and the knot that was slowly forming in your core tightens to a breaking point.

“I’m going to come,” you whimper.

“Come for me, peach,” Jungkook urges you on, and you moan, hiding your face in his neck.

You come the second he reaches between you to press circles on your clit. And you come hard, vision flashing white as you let out a broken moan, clinging to Jungkook for dear life. He’s a grunting mess, cursing under his breath.

“That’s it, peach, you’re doing so good,” he praises, and his voice is breathy, whiny, the only indication that he’s about to follow you and climax too.

Your pussy clenches hard around his dick, and Jungkook stills deep inside of you, his dick twitching. But he’s not coming yet, like he’s trying to keep it in.

“Where do you want me to come?” he asks.

Your hands climb up his side, nails scratching him, and then you lose them in his hair again, lightly tugging on the strands. Your orgasm steals your thoughts, your words from your brain, bliss sweeping through you and leaving you on a cloud of ecstasy. “In,” you breathe out.

“I don’t think -” his words are cut off by a soft moan as your walls clench around him, your orgasm not fully done yet. “That’s a good idea,” he finishes.

“I have an IUD,” you remind him, even though it’s hard to form sentences when your mind is swimming in such bliss.

You bite at his neck, lightly, and then suck on the spot. Jungkook doesn’t need more to resume his hard thrusts, and you think you’re insane.

You and him. Both of you have gone insane, and he’s coming a second later as he pushes all the way in, moaning in your ear as you praise him softly. He paints your insides white, shooting spurts and spurts of cum deep inside of you as he clings to you and you cling to him. His climax lasts for a long time, and he’s shaking by the time he’s done.

“Holy fuck,” he lets out, and he chuckles lightly as he pecks your neck.

“Felt good?” you ask, your arms tightening around him.

“Fuck yeah.” He sucks on your neck lazily, earning a breathy sound from you. “You?”

“It always feels good with you, Kook,” you whisper.

He doesn’t reply anything, but he nuzzles his face in your neck, the proximity and the intimacy of the action meaning more than words. You gently caress his back, feeling his muscles shifting under his skin as he takes a deep breath, and then he lifts his head to meet your gaze.

“I think we still need to talk,” he says with a gentle voice. “But thank you for this.”

You swallow a sudden lump in your throat, nodding once. “We do.”

He seems conflicted for a time, like he doesn’t want to move but knows he has to, and you cup his cheek, swiping your thumb over the small scar he has there. It brings a soft smile to his lips, though you aren’t fooled.

It doesn’t meet his eyes.

He sighs, and then he glances at your night table, clearly looking for some tissues. There’s none in sight, and he meets your gaze again.

“Huh…” He chuckles again. “What should we do…” he trails off, his eyes dipping downwards between your two bodies.

“Right,” you let out, and your cheeks burn. “I can try to put my hand?”

He nods. “I’ll go get toilet paper.”

Once you’ve both agreed to the plan, Jungkook slowly pulls out of you. You immediately feel his cum dripping out of you, staining your sheets even though you try to stop the flow with your hand. Jungkook just looks at the sight, the tip of his ears reddening, and then he quickly puts his pants on so that he can go get something to clean you up with.

He comes back a moment later with toilet paper, and he starts cleaning you up, eyes solely focused on the task at hand. His moves are sweet and caring, and your heart feels far too warm for your own good. Indeed, his shoulders are too tense to mean anything good.

Or maybe he’s regretting blowing up in your face earlier. You don’t mind it - you’re glad he was able to get the words out, as they’ve clearly been weighing on him.

Jungkook finishes by wiping your hand as clean as possible with the toilet paper, and then he throws it away in the bin near your desk. He sits back down on the side of your bed, glancing at you as you remain lying down, not truly processing everything that happened yet.

“Do you want to take a shower?” Jungkook asks.

You prop yourself up on your elbows. “What time is it?”

“Ten forty-five.”

Which means you definitely still have plenty of time left before Taehyung and Ariane come home.

“Yes, I’d love to take a shower,” you say, accepting his offer with a soft smile.

He reciprocates it, but it still doesn’t meet his eyes.

Have any of his smiles reached his eyes in the last few months?

The question spins in your head incessantly as you shower, Jungkook next to you. There’s heaviness surrounding him - it’s in the way his motions are slow, subdued, and in the way he doesn’t look you in the eyes, fully. It’s in the lines on his forehead, between his eyes, and the sadness that lingers on his features.

You haven’t been doing too good in the last few months either, but you had your friends. And you realize then and there that Jungkook isolated himself from everyone, some part of him likely always feeling like Taehyung was responsible for your falling out.

You can imagine the resentment he feels towards Taehyung for it, and how difficult it was to remain friends with him.

Jungkook wraps you in a thick towel once you both finally step out of the shower, and you take a moment to dry yourself, enjoying the silence preceding the conversation you know you need to have. Jungkook doesn’t seem to mind it, like he too wants a moment of calm before the storm.

And you know the storm is about to hit hard. It’ll likely break you, throw all remaining pieces of you to the four corners of the Earth.

But you don’t care - the storm can hit as hard as it wants, as long as you’re with Jungkook when it does.

“I can’t believe you’ve been wearing the necklace,” Jungkook whispers.

He was quicker than you - he’s all dry, dressed in a pair of grey sweatpants. He hasn’t put a shirt on, and your eyes travel the planes of his body, heating up your cheeks.

“I haven’t taken it off once,” you admit. “I’ve kept the letter, too.”

His Adam’s apple bobs as he gulps. “I was embarrassed about it for a while,” he admits, and his gaze drops to the floor. 

You’re done drying yourself, and you hang the towel behind the door, before facing Jungkook again. He hands his shirt - a white flag waved between the two of you - and the familiarity of the act makes tears pool in your eyes.

You hesitate for a few seconds, but then you grab his shirt, putting it on. It’s just as comfortable as it was months ago when you’d worn it to sleep every night, and you want to reach for Jungkook, to hold him close and never let go.

“Thank you,” you say, words choked by the lump you force down with a swallow. “Why were you embarrassed?” you ask.

Jungkook pulls at his piercings, meeting your gaze for a few seconds. “Because I thought you might text me. I hoped you would, honestly. But you never did.”

Your heart aches, and you have to shut your eyes to prevent it from burning into ashes. “I’m sorry.”

You are. You truly are - you’d just believed then that the letter meant goodbye. That you had to let Jungkook go at all costs, even if it meant shattering your heart and his in the process.

“Ah,” he lets out, shrugging his shoulders. “It’s okay.”

But you know he’s lying. It’s written in every defeated angle of his body, and you want to take all of the months back, to save your relationship before it went up in flames.

He sighs, meeting your gaze. “Do you want to sit in your room to talk?”

You reckon it’s a good idea - you don’t think you want the bathroom to be the scene of this conversation. So you nod your head, and Jungkook reaches for the doorknob, pushing the door open.

Pushing the door open to reveal a wide-eyed Taehyung, who looks between Jungkook and you a couple of times while you just stand there, the shirt you’re wearing way too incriminating.

You watch the storm as it hits in real-time. And it hits harder than you ever imagined it could, Taehyung’s fist colliding with Jungkook’s face before you’ve even truly had time to register that he was about to punch Jungkook.

Jungkook staggers back as you shriek, “Tae!”, but Taehyung’s already readying for his next punch. You immediately pull Jungkook behind you, standing between him and your brother as Taehyung’s cheeks turn red with rage.

“You’re fucking my sister,” Taehyung hisses, and it’s a statement, the dots irreparably connected in his head.

Jungkook touches his cheek, and you look over your shoulder just long enough to see that it tore from the force of the blow, and blood is slowly seeping out.

“I’m not fucking your sister,” Jungkook replies, his voice flat.

Taehyung chuckles bitterly, but you speak before he can, “I’m an adult, Tae, I can fuck whoever I want.” 

“Yeah, of course,” Taehyung drawls. “So you had to fuck my best friend, huh?”

“We’re not fucking,” Jungkook says again, and you slightly frown as you glance at him over your shoulder.

But he isn’t looking at you, eyes fully focused on Taehyung. And then you understand, pain crashing all of your nerves like lightning just struck you.

Jungkook is choosing Taehyung over you.

“Is that why she’s wearing your shirt?” Taehyung asks, and he shakes his hand, the only indication that his knuckles likely hurt from the blow to Jungkook’s face. “You really think I’m fucking stupid or something.”

This time Jungkook remains entirely silent.

“Tae, it started last semester,” you say, scrambling for words to tame the storm before it destroys everything. 

That makes Taehyung laugh, though the sound is scary, dangerous. “Last semester? So I ask you to take care of my sister, and you start fucking her?”

“I was taking care of her,” Jungkook replies in a similar icy tone, putting emphasis on the ‘was’.

Because you are a construct of the past now, aren’t you?

You shudder with the realization, the pain overtaking everything. You barely hear Taehyung as he tells Jungkook to fuck off, that he can’t believe he ever called him his friend. All you feel is your heart as it shatters, all over again. As Jungkook tells Taehyung to calm down, that they can talk it out.

But Taehyung is having none of it, his face mottled with red from his anger.

“Stop!” you scream as they just keep going on and on, and they both surprisingly fall silent. “Fucking stop, will you? Who cares if Jungkook and I slept together?”

You. You do, but you can’t say it.

“Jimin knew,” Taehyung says, voice low. “Jimin knew and you fucking gaslit him.”

“I did what your sister asked of me, and clearly she was right if that’s how you’re reacting,” Jungkook fires back.

“Stop,” you add, though this time it’s more of a beg. “Stop, the two of you.” You face Taehyung, nails digging into your palms as you clench your fists. “I fell in love with Jungkook. I just did, and it happened naturally, and it was reciprocated.” You don’t dare use the present tense. Not when you’re coming to the conclusion that the story truly ended last semester.

What happened tonight doesn’t change that. Because Taehyung is here now, proving every insecurity that you ever had. 

“And yes, we had something, but it ended last semester too,” you add, and you hope you won’t shatter too much of Jungkook when you conclude, “Tonight was a lapse of judgment.”

You feel the cold radiating from Jungkook behind you the second the words are out. You don’t even dare look at him as Taehyung says, “Jungkook, I think you should find somewhere else to stay for a couple of days.”

“Tae, come on,” you let out. “Can we just be adults?”

“Sounds good,” Jungkook replies, ignoring you.

He walks around you, and you try to grab his wrist, but he’s quick to shrug off your touch.

“Jungkook,” you say, tears pricking at your eyes. 

He doesn’t look back on his way to his bedroom, and you follow after him, knocking your shoulder with Taehyung’s on the way.

“Jungkook,” you repeat, and he disappears into his bedroom, though you’re quick to walk in as well. “Jungkook, stop.”

He doesn’t glance your way. Just grabs his school bag from where it was on the floor, and puts it on his bed before heading to the drawer you know houses his underwear and socks. 

“Jungkook, you don’t have to go, you live here,” you add, and a tear slips free, spilling on your cheek.

Now he does spare you a glance, and you watch the silver lining his gaze. But it’s the look in his eyes that silences you, until all you can do is watch him as he packs some clothes. He’s done in no time, and he throws a sweatshirt on before brushing past you to head to the front door, next to which Taehyung is still standing.

“Jungkook,” you let out, and it sounds more like a sob than anything else.

It’s the sound of breaking hearts, something you and Jungkook have grown far too familiar with.

He grabs his keys from the table by the door, puts his shoes on quickly, head hanging low like he doesn’t want Taehyung to see the tears on his cheeks. But you see them - you know them. 

You’re the reason behind them after all.

Jungkook finishes putting his shoes on, and he lays a hand on the doorknob, yet he hesitates before turning. Long enough for you to try again, “Jungkook, please.”

He meets your gaze, and his eyes clear of the tears as he blinks a few times. “I’ll see you around,” he says in a whisper, and you know it for the lie that it is.

He’s not planning to ever see you again, is he?

Prev | Chapter 14.5 | Next

☆☆☆☆☆

I promise the angst is nearing its end :') I hope you guys liked this chapter! Let me know what you think!:)

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2024. Do not copy, repost or translate.

[ncis-nerd]

Austin (Part 2)

Note- this all takes place in the same universe! I did not plan to make a part two but it was request. This fic maybe have 1-2 more parts, this definitely isn't the end of it.

Like, reblog and comment for the next part!

Ship: Wanda Maximoff x Natasha Romanov x Reader

Warnings: Angst, Hurt/Comfort, hints towards previous sexual encounters.

Link to masterpost

About: Nat is all alone at the hospital, who will she reach out to? Will the red-headed business woman come?

"stay with me my love" nat exhaled. y/n was loaded into the ambulance and they made their way to the hospital. paramedics were trying to stop the bleeding.

"ma'am? hello? miss?" a doctor spoke. they were at the hospital and y/n was in surgery. "miss is there someone we can call?" the doctor asked the tear-filled spy. nat thought, who was the one person she trusted to stay by her side? Wanda! her best friend, the redhead was always there for her, no matter how embarrassing or small the issue was, she knew she could always rely on Wanda.

nat sniffled "w-wanda maximoff" she said shakily. the doctor nodded and handed her his phone. nat began to dial the number, pausing for a moment. wait, isn't Wanda at that big important business dinner of hers? i shouldn't interrupt her. "ma'am?" the doctor furrowed his eyebrows, confused. "she is busy, i don't want to interrupt her." nat sighed. The brown haire doctor took a seat next to nat in those uncomfortable hospital chairs. "Well I'd say your friend being injured would trumph whatever your other friend wanda is doing. Hm? Call her." The doc gives a reassuring nod.

Nat tapped the buttons shakily. What if Wanda gets mad? What if she never wants to speak to nat again because she ruined her important dinner? "Hello?" the red-head asked. "w-wands" Nat sobbed into the phone. "Nat? Whats the matter my love? Why are you crying? Is everything okay? Do you need me to come get you?" Wanda said with a hint of panic in her voice. She didn't like hearing nat so distressed.

"i-its y/n. they've been hurt, badly. we're at the hospital. can you please come? I'm so sorry I interrupted your meeting." Nat spoke. "Honey, you two are way more important than some business meeting. I'll be right there. Can you do something for me, hm?" Wanda hummed. "What is it?" Nat asked. "Can you put some music and and listen to it until I get there? Distract yourself from all those bad thoughts. I know your mind must be racing, it must be really scary huh." Wanda cooed. "Mmhm" Nat nodded, sniffling once again.

Wanda stood up, "I have to go." Wanda looks to her assistant "You've got this under control?" Wanda questioned. Ria was Wanda's assistant, her right hand man. If Wanda needed something done, Ria was her girl. Constantly reminded Wanda about deadlines, things that needed to be done and important meetings. Ria nodded "Yeah, you can go." She said.

Wanda grabbed her purse and bolted towards the door. She made a rush to her car. Told her driver to drive as fast as possible, to go to the hospital, that it was urgent. Her heart just hurt at the fact that Nat is sitting all alone in the waiting room, with the love of her life in the operating room. Wanda knew how tough this recent mission was for nat, she knew how much Nat missed y/n and how excited Nat was to finally be with her partner once again. She couldn't blame her, y/n is an angel and so considerate.

Wanda remembers the first time she met y/n. She had came over to Nat's house to discuss details of a mission but apparently Nat forgot, or rather lost track of time because when Wanda entered the house, she was greeted by a naked green-eyed spy entangled in the embrace of a girl with her head buried in Nat's chest. She remembers the look of pure terror that poor girl had when she realized they weren't alone.

[undyingembers]

🥀🍒🫐

🥀 favorite angst quote from a published work 

Oh, I have so many in the last chapter of My Lovely Husband, however, it got a bit long, so I used this scene instead:

After getting confirmation from a servant that Moryen and his children, including Magnolia, had arrived home, Lenarius decided to quickly check on the girls before going to bed. He carefully made his way up the stairs, going quietly as to not wake them. Most of their doors were closed, but Grace’s door was cracked open slightly, and Lenarius saw that she had made it home.

When he got to Giselle’s door, he heard crying from the other side.

“Giselle?” Lenarius tried the door, only to find that it was locked.

“Go away,” said Giselle.

“Giselle, what happened?”

“You said I wasn’t gross, that I was a beautiful girl,” said Giselle. “You lied.”

“No, darling,” Lenarius pleaded. “You really are—”

“Shut up!” said Giselle. “I was never going to be seen as beautiful or welcome, and you knew it.”

“Giselle…”

“Go away!”

“Giselle!” said Lenarius.

🍒 favorite sweet quote from a wip 

This one is actually more angsty than sweet, but it was the closest thing I had in a WIP. This takes place after what happens in the last Diplomatic Council. Daeran realizes that what he had said was wrong and writes an apology letter.

The next day, Lenarius received a note from Daeran. The thin paper smelled faintly of lavender. Lenarius’s hands trembled as he opened the envelope.

Dear Lenarius,

There is truly nothing I can say other that I am very and truly sorry for what I had said in the last Diplomatic Council meeting. I hurt you and there is absolutely no excuse for what I said. I should have known better than to use the plight tieflings face in Mendev as a jab to rile up our mutual friends. I knew what you had gone through growing up, what your family and your country have put you through, and it still did not stop me from hurting you in the most awful of ways. For that, I can only apologize.

I know I have no right to ask, but losing you would devastate me beyond imagination. I would very much love to see you again, to hear your voice, to make you happy once more. You are my lone guiding light, and the best thing to have ever happened to me, and I cannot believe that I hurt you like that.

Sincerely, and with deep love and regret,

Daeran

🫐 a line from a published work that you’re proud of, but no one’s mentioned yet - or if you can’t think of one, an underrated line in general 

The ball scene with Lann in My Lovely Husband. I think Lann in general in that chapter with Ria and Xorges. I thought the scene of him at the ball was pretty funny, but no one seemed to have brought it up. Probably because it was overshadowed by all the angst with Giselle and the other girls.

Lenarius decided to check back with Lann. The mongrelman stood in a corner. His hair had been shaken out of its perfectly combed coif, his cravat was loose, and he held a plate of half-eaten hors d’oeuvres. None of it deterred the small gaggle of women that had congregated around him.

“How long will you be staying in the capital, Sir Neath?” asked one of the women.

“Um, until I make plans to leave, I guess,” said Lann.

An older lady pushed her way forward. “My daughter is on a trip to Thuvia right now, but I’m sure she’d be delighted to meet you.”

Lenarius decided to rescue him. “Sir Lann,” he said. The relief in Lann’s face was immeasurable. “Can I borrow you for a moment.”

“Iomadae yes!” said Lann. “Excuse me.” He brushed past the women and walked off with Lenarius.

Lenarius waited until they were far enough away. “You have quite the flock of admirers,” he said.

“I blame Lady Konomi,” said Lann. “She had everyone believing I was some sort of mongrelman prince.”

Lann took a bite out of a round white ball that Lenarius recognized as some sort of cheeseball wrapped around a goat’s kidney. Lann winced. “Gods almighty, I lived on all sorts of mold, rodents, and creepers, and I have no idea what half the stuff at the buffet is.”

“Daeran wasn’t joking when he said your idea of a mongrel style soiree would be all the rage,” said Lenarius.

[psychologeek]

why did I write "The Most Dangerous Thing" (previously: "Achilles calm down"/Achilles AU)

It always hurt me when a dark fic doesn't have an happy ending.

I thought I'll get the catharsis part, where bad is punished, but... No?

***

All in all, it started haunting me - the idea of fem!Dick (Raina) being hurt by her closest friends. And since about 90% of rape/saxual abuse, the abuser is someone familiar. Family member, a friend, partner, co-worker.

And it's way harder to deal with it. Because... You knew him.

You could stop him.

You gave mixed signals.

And the world keep telling you it's your fault.

(Please know that - IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT. It's okay to feel sad, angry, ashamed, self blame. It's your feelings. And they are all valid.

Still, it doesn't mean it's your fault.

It doesn't matter what happened, what you wore, or your saxual history. The end. You can get and deserve help if you need it. There are many help lines).

Anyway - thinking about our hero. Can she tell anyone? Who? What will she do?

But it's more than that. Because it's not Raina's first trauma.

I think the teen titans as a close group. The whole hero-community, actually.

So you have a teen girl in foster care. And there isn't an open communication in this house, remember?

"Punching people is easier than therapy" household.

And she's a teen, so obviously fights.

But wait!

What do we know about the comics?

B took the suit after robin was shot by the Joker.

(And sometimes, after trauma, you dissociate. Things aren't real. You are not 100% here. Which is good if something bad happen to you and you need to not experience it, but pretty bad if you need to react fast).

So.... What if Ria was shot AS A RESULT of what happened?

(Also, medic can be traumatic. A lot of Survivers have problem visit dentist and gynecologists. I won't go into detail, ask/Google if you want).

And just - it's sad. Bc people look at something and say "this. This is big and this is the problem"

(But no, actually. It's all the little things that come together. It's this, and then you can't focus and you get shot and you are bench, and caged, and it all comes back to watching your parents fall, helpless, as you can't do anything).

And I just needed to make it better

(It's not, at least for now. It's angst. But it's more accurate angst).

...

(Also, I sort of use it as vent.

You know that tag "writing is cheaper than therapy"?

Like this, only I ALSO go to therapy).

****

Would you like to hear more about my thoughts?

Tell me! :)

[kyom1s]

BRAIDING VOX'S HAIR !!

VOX AKUMA X GN!READER | NO WARNINGS WORD COUNT : 1.3K

maybe a lil ooc?? i keep writing about relaxing stuff LOL i was supposed to write smth angsty with vox but too much of a pussy to write angst AHH

you see, this man doesn't have the longest hair. but it's enough for you to braid it atleast ! i mean, have you seen that art with him and the boys where he has a low ponytail?!?! GASOUJOASFD GODS HE LOOKS ETHEREAL.

hums every once in a while and starts making small chat here and there, and asking simple questions like; "how was your day dear? have you gotten enough rest?" "what do you want for dinner later?" and so on! quite the relaxing activity, is it not?

it takes a while to braid his hair properly because of how it's all over the place, but you can manage. milord here is very patient and let's you take your time. when you finish he looks even more handsome than he already is <33 if he was a god then he's definitely one worth worshipping for eternity.

also def add some clips on his hair! he'd look so cute and pretty <33

the rest of the boys would be spamming you (and maybe vox too), asking for pictures of him LOL

mysta rias : y/n! y/n! pleeeeaaasseee just send us atleast one pic of him?? 🥺🥺

y/n l/n : no lol i'm gatekeeping, your puppy dog eyes dont work on me

mysta rias : FUCKKKK

you and vox end up laughing your asses off because of the dog-like detective. your gallery would be filled bc of how many pictures you took of vox, well i can't blame you - as i said; he's hella pretty.

maybe he'd even let you braid his hair more often, or maybe he'd even braid yours hehe

[actualbird]

No need to apologise for the late chapter, stuff happens! Besides, it sounds like work got really busy so it's good you took care of that and yourself first. Now onto more fic related things, my streak of catching the chapters of this fic as they update is now broken, guess I'm back to reading your fics like a morning newspaper!

So I didn't know about Marius going overseas for Giann and his dad until this fic and this was a hell of a way to find out ouch,,,only sixteen and he's making decisions like that...

The cooler lawyer dfxtuxtu sorry Artem Marius plays favourites.

Oh. Oh no. The argument was bound to happen sooner or later but. That was. That was really bad oh god you were not kidding about going full throttle with the angst. The worst part is Marius isn't even wrong but Giann couldn't really do anything about it either so in the end there's really no one to blame.

Oh thank god Ria my beloved. What a scene to walk into though how is she taking charge of the situation so well? Absolutely adore her, I wouldn't know what to do if I were in that situation.

Wasn't Ria giving orders during the rescue too? She's definitely the leader of the polycule.

So as someone who used to adore the textbook grand declarations of romance and probably still loves them even now (of course I do, my favourite is Vyn and his eagle spiel in personal story 3 is about as dramatic a speech as you can get), I really like the more realistic take on it that Ria's giving here. Because it's true, no one can be expected to never hurt someone ever, that's just not realistic. And not all the ways people hurt each other have to blow up in a huge fight like what happened in this fic, sometimes it's an unintentionally insensitive statement that you let your partner know hurt you and they apologise and try their best not to say it again, but that doesn't change the fact that hurt was dealt. So as much as grand declarations of love are romantic and heartwarming, I think keeping in mind they can't always be kept is also important, and I adore this fic for it.

Leave it to Ria to give the best love advice ever. And by extension you because how in the world did you put this into words??? Years of getting love advice of all kinds from fanfics to school talks to parents and this fic put into words the best advice I could possibly get and always thought of on some level but could never make sense of. I adore this fic and your writing so, so much.

Okay moving away from the heaps of praise I give you what feels like every time I write a comment, YES THE MEETING WITH MARIUS AHAHA. It was so wild???? I look back on it now with all I know about Marius and I laugh fondly and I love him so much for it but back when I first started playing I was so annoyed by it dgkxgkf I was giving live reactions to a friend via text and I was cursing Marius out his entire introduction. Truly the dumbest thing in this entire polycule.

As always, thank you so much for writing this chapter I absolutely adored it. Giving the Artem chapter some stiff competition but it's alright they can fight it out, my favourite chapter will probably change every day between these two now. I look forward to the next chapter and the resolution with Marius!!

🌌

gmorning milkyway :DDD thank u reading the morning paper but breaking news is replaced with chapter 5 of "standard operating procedure (x4 speedrun)"

and now my comments to ur comments cuz this ask made me happy clap like a SEAL

GOD YEA THE OVERSEAS THING…..i only recently watched the card that was mentioned in and i was like hey, what the fuck? hey what the Fuck. like i was planning on writing something similar as simply an angsty tidbit i made up but then Nope, canon beat me TO IT!!!

artem isnt even offended that ria is the cooler lawyer, he Agrees uwu. marius does pick fun at ria though, marius calls artem “lawyer with better cooking skills”

funfact about the argument!: it didnt exist at all until i was halfway thru writing artem’s chapter cuz that was when i realized (rather belatedly HAHA) that giann’s worries are intrinsically wound up with protecting and helping marius

and marius…well, we havent heard his part of the story just yet and thatll come in the last chapter. but he is right. and you are also right. theres no one to blame but people in pain do all sorts of things when pushed enough

ria: awww yisss got some oranges for giann to make a Great Impression and i can also make marius go the fuck to sleep ria when she enters: ok. recalibrate. conflict de-escalation time

SHE IS THE LEADER OF THE POLYCULE!!!! THE HILL I WILL DIE ON!!! i didnt get to put it in the chapter cuz it didnt fit, but my perspective of mc be it in fanfic or canon, in platonic team dynamic or polycule, is that shes a catalyst for the grp to come together and also the glue that Keeps them together

i shake ur hand. i love love love grand declarations of romance because i love drama and also love. but also yea, love is messy as hell.

thats basically my entire thesis for this fic: love is messy and imperfect and theres no way to love anybody in any way without fucking up sometimes. but being perfect isnt what love is about, is it? it’s about working through it to become a better person for others and for yourself

jhsvfJHVJKH IM GLAD U ENJOYED THE LOVE ADVICE and that it was put into words well enough!! ria’s spiel here truly truly was one of the things i was most excited to write out, it was something i had planned from the very beginning, and it’s something i believe in a lot that i see her—a stubbornly hopeful person—to believe in as well

marius’ intro in game is the Funniest intro in the Entire Game. the absolute AUDACITY!!! I CANNOT STAND HIM (LIES. I ADORE HIM)

thank u so so SO much for this comment milkway :(((( it rlly made my whole morning :’)

[homeformyheart]

no feelings - mason x f!detective (twc)

author’s note: my original intention was to do a post-bakery, heartbreak moment for mason and I started this before the demo updated, but needed to change it since and hopefully it still works. I have no idea if I’ll do a part 2, my original plans don’t spark joy atm, and I was tired of seeing this in my WIPs xD. very minor book 3 spoilers (allusions but no specific mentions). enjoy! *thank you @silma-words for giving this a read-through all those months ago when i was stuck and to @narrativefoiltrope for the parentheses suggestion!

copyright: all characters, except my oc detective, are owned by mishka jenkins @seraphinitegames. series/pairing: the wayhaven chronicles – mason x f!detective (ria knight) rating/warnings: 16+; swearing, angst word count: 1.7k summary: ria wants to end things with mason before she catches feelings for someone who won’t return them. mason isn’t sure what he wants but knows he doesn’t want to give up what they have.

no feelings

mason just stared at the door to ria’s office, the shades obscuring the sight of her but he could still hear the sound of her heartbeat. solid and steady, like her.

he didn’t know why he said what he did. he just knew that she was hurt, even though she pretended not to be. and even though he wanted to talk to her, he didn’t know what he wanted to say.

it didn’t matter though, seeing as how she didn’t seem like she wanted to talk to him anytime soon.

but he couldn’t bring himself to walk away.

he knocked, hesitantly. once. twice.

“come in,” a voice called out, loud to his senses, vibrating ever so slightly.

he opened the door and paused in the doorway, eyes searching hers for permission.

her head rose from where it had been resting on her arms, fists clenching once she noticed him. she lowered her hands to her lap, but mason had no doubt that her knuckles were white.

“what do you want?” she asked, her features stitching together a mask of indifference.

but he could see the truth in her light blue eyes. it was his special skill after all, being able to read people and get the truth from them.

a skill he tried to avoid using with ria as much as possible for some reason.

when did that happen?

even now, as he was holding her gaze, he knew he wasn’t trying to read her. but he could still sense that something was off. and he wanted, no needed, to figure out what it was.

the silence between them grew as ria’s gaze shifted. she looked expectantly at him. “well? if you don’t have anything new to report on the case, you should leave. i have a lot of work to do.”

he shook his head, a force of habit. he really didn’t know what to say.

she glanced away, eyes flitting across the posters and papers pinned to the wall next to her desk, but mason could see the gears turning in her mind. when she turned back to look at him, the pain from before was replaced by a newfound intensity that slammed into him and sent a prickly, but still pleasant, tingle across his chest and down his arms.

a knowing smirk tugged at the corner of her lips as her eyes appraised him, and not unlike the first time they flirted, the motion sent something warm and soothing down south. as her eyes met his again, the warmth turned into a simmering heat and he took a step forward, her darkened irises drawing him in.

he raised an eyebrow at her. while he was no stranger to the constant attraction between them, which pushed and pulled like the tides but always met each other at dusk and dawn, it didn’t seem like the time.

for once, he wanted to talk.

“look, about what i said before,” he started, folding his arms across his chest.

ria made her way around her desk until she was standing in front of him. “you were right. you made it clear that you were only interested in fun, and i agreed,” she shrugged, tapping her fingers lightly on his chest.

his brow furrowed. while he did say something to that affect, it wasn’t what he wanted.

“that’s all this is and all it’s going to be, so i’ll see you later at my apartment?” ria asked pointedly, her lip curling into a smirk.

a frustrated rumble crouched low in the back of his throat. “i never said that this is all it’s going to be,” he snapped, flinching at the volume of his own voice.

ria didn’t move a muscle. her light blue eyes had darkened to a cloudy grey, only a few shades lighter than his own.

“you didn’t have to, sunshine. i’m saying it. so am i seeing you later or not?” she asked, the glare on her face reminding him of the daggers she had hidden under her jacket sleeves.

an uncomfortable itch started in his belly and he subconsciously scratched at the fabric of his shirt, blunt nails digging in harder before he realized the itch was under his skin.

and it was spreading. traveling up toward his chest and out before making its way down his arms. leaving behind a tiny, circular weight in his stomach that he didn’t care for.

he could recognize it for what it was, a form of conflict. swirling counter-clockwise as a hurricane does when it approaches shore. but he didn’t understand why it was there.

what he did understand is that if she wanted to see him, he wanted to see her.

he gave her a slow nod. “i’ll see you later,” he said, hesitating for a brief second with his hand on the doorknob.

he glanced back at her and said softly, “sweetheart.”

~ against her better judgment, ria met mason’s gaze before he left, the murmured pet name on his lips seeming to glide through the air and hit her in the chest. her body slumped back against the desk as he left, energy draining out of her and leaving behind the tempestuous grey look now seared in her mind. his words left an uncomfortable lump in her throat, and she hoped no one else came into her office.

she looked at the clock, a feeble attempt to fast-forward to the end of the day, only for her shoulders to sag at the realization that she basically still had eight hours to go. despite the tension in their earlier conversation and the uncomfortable moments they’ve had since breakfast, ria wasn’t mad at mason.

even though she had stormed out while trying to blink back tears and then he stormed away from her after finding out about bobby, she didn’t blame him.

no, the only person she was fucking pissed off at was herself.

it wasn’t supposed to get this far.

she wasn’t good with feelings. it was always easier to push away any uncomfortable thoughts or emotions by keeping her body physically distracted, preferably with either a partner in the gym or a partner in her bed.

learning how to box and working her way through all the various martial art forms gave her focus after quitting ballet.

(though it did little to quell the feelings of inadequacy caused by things completely out of her control.)

teaching herself how to use knives and rook’s family dagger was a welcome distraction after she was forced to abandon her aspirations to join the army.

(though digging through rook’s old stuff in the attic in desperate protest – to find anything that would tell her he would’ve supported her – only drowned her in the loss.)

flirting and sleeping with every person who showed interest in her and seemed even an inch better than bobby fucking marks.

(though every little fling, whether a one-night stand or a string of awkward first dates, only added supporting evidence to the story she told herself that no one would stick around for her.)

and it was supposed to be the same with mason.

no strings. no baggage. no goddamn feelings.

ria gripped the edge of her desk with her hands until her knuckles turned white. she already broke her first rule of dating: don’t catch feelings.

you can’t get hurt if there aren’t feelings involved, she reminded herself of the mantra that got her out of several attempts at relationships after breaking up with bobby.

but she could still implement her second rule.

~ instead of heading back to the warehouse right away, mason wandered toward the trees bordering the station that offered a shady respite from the scorching sun against his sensitive skin.

the heat was only going to get worse, but he couldn’t bring himself to leave just yet. even in the dark shade of the trees around him, the sun burned against his skin almost as if it were bare. he winced, not even wanting to think about how much worse it might feel if he wasn’t at least wearing a long-sleeved shirt.

they still needed to work together.

he pushed the seemingly random thought out of his mind as quickly as it had appeared, his body reacting viscerally in disagreement to the sentiment.

this wasn’t about maintaining a working relationship with ria.

this was bigger than that.

at least, he assumed, though he wasn’t exactly sure why.

he lit a cigarette, trying to distract from how his shirt is quickly becoming an incubator for the heat. smoke curled upward as he leaned his head back against the trunk of a tree.

he was always in it for the fun. it made traveling around and the downtime between missions more bearable.

he didn’t really care for hobbies and interests the way nate and felix did. and he could only take a beating from adam every so often.

having fun, especially with humans – who were so easy to rile up and even easier to read – made the endless time pass in a way that felt normal. for him anyway.

learning all the different ways he could elicit sounds from them. figuring out how quickly he could make them peak. knowing exactly what to do to leave them wanting more.

he took a long drag of the cigarette, closing his eyes and wishing the burn in his lungs would linger a little longer. it numbed the burn on the outside of his body.

but no feelings. that always took the fun out of things.

that was the rule.

and ria was fun, there was no denying that. maybe even the most fun he’s had in a very long time.

she knew his rule. hell, it was her rule too.

it was the perfect situation for him.

maybe he didn’t want to lose out on such an ideal situation. or mess up the team dynamic.

he dumped the cigarette butt onto the floor and put out the embers with his shoe.

whatever it was, he knew he wasn’t ready for things with her to end.

* * * * * taglist: @kelseaaa; @kat-tia801; @anotherbeingsworld; @babycracker; @writer-ish; @gloynporslen; @sosolenoo; @alyssalauren; @wayhavenots; @pearlsandsteel; @gingerbreton; @takemyopenheart; @mevnraels;

[lovecolibri]

One of the worst things about this finale (and there were many) is that it's bound to fuel the pitting Malex against each other thing again that the show had the chance to put to rest post Carina. Sure, Michael didn't treat Alex like crap in S3, but he was still in the middle of every plot/group scene Alex was excluded from all season, just like in S2 (and S1, if we're being honest). Even at the end of the finale, only Michael got to be with everyone while Alex was still off screen because Michael can either hang around with his family looking perfectly happy or be in a bubble angsting over his trauma with Alex. Forget getting the same treatment as an m/f ship. At least try to give Alex the fraction of the respect Michael and his relationships get. Alex fans were justifiably worried about what S3 would bring and how much of S2 they would be expected to get over with no resolution even without all the concerning BTS info about Tyler not having scenes with Trevino or Lily and not shooting much for the last few episodes and constantly got told to tone down the negativity. I don't begrudge any Michael person for being happy with this season because God knows Michael deserved some genuine growth people can relate to, but one of these characters has never been treated like the other, and it really is undeniable at this point. It's not people being negative or hysterical.

Yeah....I know a lot of Alex fans were justifiably worried, and while a lot of us tried to balance our hope and caution, it's definitely disappointing to know those fears were pretty darn justified. I think we were all trying to hard to hope for the best, especially since c*rina "leaving" (since the press releases didn't say fired, I try not to as well) was more than we ever dreamed of happening, so it was easy to tell people to calm down and not worry so much. *deep sigh*

And look, I absolutely adore both Alex AND Michael and because of that, I'm willing to handwave a LOT of season 2 garbage as shitty writing or fill in the gaps myself in my brain to make it work, but OOF did your "how much of S2 they would be expected to get over with no resolution" hit me hard. Because that was the crux of the problem with how Malex got together this season. They were antagonistic until they just...weren't. And they were never allowed to discuss season 2 or m*luca or even have f*rlex brought back up! The most we got was Michael's nod to the song but they didn't talk about why Michael felt he had to leave, let alone how Alex felt watching Michael walk out! In a bubble, that line was great and we all flail about it and I can't look at their faces without FEELING THINGS, but like, as a wider part of the narrative, we needed to see more of them working through and hashing out the stuff from last season. We were all SO EXCITED to see the pining and the friendship build up and the moment that tension snapped so having them go from whatever TF 3x06 was to them being flirty and openly vulnerable in 3x08 was jarring to say the least. (Remember when 3x06 ended on that cliff hanger and we thought there was actually going to be a follow up to that scene with some actually productive Malex angst? Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha! ha...*sobs*) Not to mention how refusing to acknowledge m*ria's role in why they weren't together long before now (1x13 made narrative sense to be the start of them building up a foundation but we can't have nice things) means that nothing they tried to do this season between her and either of them landed well either.

"only Michael got to be with everyone while Alex was still off screen because Michael can either hang around with his family looking perfectly happy or be in a bubble angsting over his trauma with Alex. Forget getting the same treatment as an m/f ship." After three seasons of this, and of Alex getting shafted by the narrative and being mostly alone and not having his POV explored more I don't blame Alex fans for taking the happy enough ending this season and getting out. It's very frustrating, especially because it didn't need to happen like this! The season set up multiple opportunities to DO BETTER, and yet managed to miss so many of them. And for what?

[percywinchester27]

@caughtaghostsomehow reblogged your post ‘A lot like Us (Part-19)’ and added:

Oh man… Okay before I say anything else, I have to tell you that this Sunday thing is really worrisome. And don’t get me wrong, if my predictions are right and there’s a kid somewhere out there, obviously I’d be happy for Sam, he deserves all the happiness in the world. But an awful, selfish part of me dreads that this might be the case. Because if he has a kid with someone else… I don’t know how to put what I’m feeling into words, I’ll give it my best try. I know that she left on her own, she made that decision and has no right to Sam’s life now, not anymore than he has to hers. But after what happened… I just can’t help but feel like this would kind of break her heart, because she wanted this so much and she wanted it with Sam and she knows she can’t have it but if she ever learned that Sam has a kid with someone else I think it would open up a whole can of worms that she has refused to deal with for years and all the emotions would just spill out.

Okay.. Now that I got that off my chest I can gush.

There were a few moments there when I was worried he was going to tell her they’re still married but I know you were just trying to raise our blood pressure with those little hints 😂

I think I audibly said aww when he started backtracking on that coffee. Poor Sam, he’s still confused with how she feels. I can’t blame him though, she did leave without a word and then avoided him for the first week of college, I’d definitely be just as confused, if not more. But I’m glad they went. Sam is definitely gonna get drilled about his date later, poor lad 😂

I love how they can still see through one another so easily. You’ve done such a wonderful job showing just how strong that bond between them is even after all this time. It’s basically muscle memory for them, knowing how the other drinks their coffee, how they look when they’re deep in thought or uncomfortable, they can still notice the miniscule changes in each others’ expressions. They still notice those little things about one another even after all these years and honestly it’s kind of made me emotional. Knowing that things between them didn’t work out, not because the timing was wrong or they stopped loving each other, but because life has dealt them a losing hand. I’m glad to see them reconnecting but I think Sam noticed what we already know, she hasn’t dealt with her trauma. She buried it and she hasn’t as much as touched it since she left. I do hope she gets to experience the catharsis of letting all that bottled up pain and suffering go but I’m also scared for her once it happens. It’s been so long, I’m not sure what’s gonna happen to her when she finally addresses it.

I sorta thought that it would end up being awkward if they went out together but they proved me wrong once again. It’s like she’s ever only completely herself with Sam. It’s like she said, she doesn’t interact this way with anyone else. Sam knows her better than anyone and I think even though she was worried about how angry or hurt he was, she still found solace and comfort in his company. I can’t deny that things are very much different but there’s a familiarity between them, a sense of home that is so apparent when they’re together.

I got emotional along with her when Sam told her about Dean and Jo. To think how much she’s missed… And then Sam telling her he’s proud of her, oh gods, that was a punch to the gut. The fact that she literally didn’t have anyone this close to her, no family whatsoever in these past years… I’d go crazy. Crazy or completely numb. Maybe that’s how she survived this, she was already numb to begin with after the accident.. I don’t blame her for breaking down. Having someone tell you they’re proud of you and mean it after years of not being able to share your failures and successes with anyone who actually cares… Damn. It must’ve felt so good to hear him say these words.

I hope they’ll be able to interact as friends but I’m worried about the mean girls squad finding out about any of this cause they could get both of them kicked out if anyone saw them that fateful night.

I’m just gonna say, Jess and Sam’s wife?? That’s gonna be awkward as hell. And mostly for him.

(I’m not even gonna talk about that last little moment when he wanted to touch her face and probably kiss her goodbye cause my heart ain’t equipped to deal with that) I will say though, the fact that he can still make her laugh while she’s crying her eyes our? Top tier 👌❤

I loved the last little tidbit with Cas implying he saw everything that happened but he’s so lovely, he would never push her to talk about it.. Aaaand then pushing her into lava 😂. All of them playing together? Perfection. I want tha- no, I need that in my life 😂

And she’s happy… I think this is the first time in a long time when she actually means it.

Also, yes, me, I’m happy we’re finally getting some happy stuff!!!! 🖐🖐🖐

I loved this chapter, Ana, like I told you I would 😁 I’m also really loving that they’re getting longer, I’m always happy to see that I still have half the page left when I’m scrolling down, I can just sit back, relax and immerse myself in the story.

I’m already excited for the next chapters, it’s gonna be a blast. Love u ❤💜💙

Oh my goodness, Ria, you’re just the most wonderful person on the planet. You know that, right? Okay, since we’ve established that, we can move forward. About the Sunday thing, well, I can’t say much without spoiling stuff, but there are plenty clues in the past chapters that’ll make a lot more sense after the next chapter. I can tell you that the worst angst this series sees is in the past for us. You make pretty great estimates though ;)

Haha the thing about knowing you’re married is that you just don’t question it. I mean Sam had an out- the option of annulment- which he never took because he didn’t want to be free of the relationship. And there was no way the reader could have divorced or got an annulment without meeting Sam. So he knows they’re married and believes with absolute certainty that the reader knows it, too. Why bring it up if she’s in denial?

It’s sweet in a very painful way, right? That they’re so familiar with each other, still? You are so good at predicting emotions, though! Like perfectly on point about how the reader would react to certain situations, so much that I feel you’re in my head ;)

I mean you’re right on the ‘Sam knows her best’ part. She basically put herself in a bubble right? So most of her personality before that is still intact. Suppressed, but she is slowly finding herself. It’s Sam who’s been up and down a lot, who had to struggle to keep himself in tact. Besides, knowing somebody entails knowing their past as well, right? So who better than Sam? And that numbing probably did protect her mind from a lot of trauma. 

The girl gang is not the best, yeah! In their own way, I feel like those three are either selfish or self-centred or both. And as far as Jess is concerned, I had a lot of fun writing her. She brings with her one essential jigsaw piece of Sam’s life. It’s actually something you’ve addressed :)

Thank you thank you for all of this. I just... I’ve said this before, but writers do be selling their souls out there for reblogs like this one. You are the BEST! I love you so much!

[ethereals-angel]

Glow (V)

Pairing: Baekhyun/Reader // Jongdae/Reader

Genre: Angst

Summary: You loved him for years. You knew that. He knew that. Everyone knew that. The looks you give him isn’t so surprising to anyone anymore. But, to your pleasure, that didn’t stop you two from being friends. And that also didn’t stop the fact that he’s in love with someone else.

I // II // III // IV // V // VI // VII // VIII // IX // F //

“Where were you last night?”

You hummed, “somewhere.”

“I saw a car pull up at 4:00 a.m, though.” Joy joined in, smirking at you, “ooh, getting down and dirty.”

“Don’t, we’re eating,” you widened your eyes at her, “and maybe if certain people didn’t leave me, I would’ve been home earlier.”

“I already said sorry!” Ria complained, groaning, “blame him!” Pointing at Sehun, hearing that, he made face, imitating Ria with a mocking tone.

“What happened last night anyway?” Chanyeol asked, getting more food for himself.

“I got sick.” Sehun lied, he saw you raising your brow at him, he smirked, “we would’ve told her to come home with us but she was busy flirting with someone.” He shrugged.

Not surprisingly, the whole gang started to cheer, you felt embarassed, you’ve always been the center of attention of your friends, especially in this kind of topic, but it never failed to make you blush.

You, unknowingly, lifted your head to see how he reacted. Your shyness immediately turned into burning jealousy when you saw him nuzzle and pepper Mina’s neck with little kisses as she beautifully laugh at the comments of your friends about your lovelife, putting his arm around her.

You sighed, will it always be like this?

Weeks have passed, and yes, it has always been like that, and I tell you, it had been hard. Mina and Baekhyun have been closer than ever. You can’t even remember the time you last talked to each other alone and have your bestfriend all for yourself.

The treatment towards Mina became warmer, too. It started when you practically begged your friends to stop treating her like that because you couldn’t stand the hurt on Baekhyun’s face when he caught the energy the gang has been giving Mina whenever they talk to her. You didn’t want him to hate you, you didn’t want him to think that you’re the one who started the hate towards the girl he loves.

You had always been in the corner, and cluelessly paid attention to him, to them. It’s like the automatic response once he enters the room is to stare. You’ve seen him shower her with hugs and kisses when he thought no one was looking, you’ve seen how he smile at her, you’ve seen how he gave her his undivided attention. You’ve always felt like crying, but right now? You’re looking at them as he does just that but you’re not feeling anything anymore. You’re finally numb and you’re not sure if it’s a good thing or not.

You can’t help but imagine yourself in her position. What would you do if he treated you like that? You felt your heartbeat quicken by just the thought of it. No, I’d pass out everytime. You sighed, wishful thinking always gets the best of you.

The funny thing is that you’re trying to move on. You might stare at him, a lot. But, you’re trying. You’ve been meeting Jongdae once and a while and he’s been giving you new lists of people to date everytime you meet, it was ridiculous, yes but you can’t help but smile at his shenanigans.

You thought he was a silent one when you first met, mostly because you were the one who did all the talking when he drove you to a certain part of the city. Eventually, he opened up to you and oh god, was he loud?

Your phone vibrated, you laughed as soon as you saw it:

From: jon deep

let’s meet, i’m in the coffee shop rn, and if you’re not here in 15mins i’ll force you on a date with a viking

To: jon deep

what’s wrong with vikings you’re being really insensitive

From: jon deep

>:(

You wasted no time, you stood up and fixed your things, getting ready to meet him.

You cleared your throat to get their attention, “I’m going out for a while,” you told them, smiling shyly.

“Meeting loverboy?”

“You should invite him here for a drink, you know, we would like to meet him.” Junmyeon looked at you, clearly not asking you to introduce Jongdae but telling you to introduce him.

You briefly nodded, Junmyeon is that friend you can never say no to because you’re somewhat afraid of him even if he’s a great friend and a sweetheart.

You left without noticing his stare as you walked away.

“You’re a minute late, missy. You really wanted that date, huh.” He immediately teased you the moment you entered the cafè, rolling your eyes, you took a seat.

“What, now?”

“Oh yeah, okay,” he started, clearing his throat, “so I met this guy named Jae and he’s amazing, he sings really well-”

“Baekhyun sings really well, too. I can’t with Jae.” You said, hiding you smile as you sipped from the iced coffee Jongdae bought for you.

You were, absolutely not, going to a date with anyone you don’t know, but seeing Jongdae like this, driven in finding you a guy to meet so that you could finally move on from Baekhyun makes you laugh so you let him. He’s adorable.

“Oh, okay…” he lifted his head and stared ahead to think, “what about Baekbeom? He’s-”

You cut him off, “really? Baekbeom?” You emphasized the word ‘Baek’ to prove your point.

He giggled, “okay, maybe not.”

He continued on suggesting men to you, hoping that he’d catch your interest but you always found an excuse as to why you can’t date the guy for the rest of the time. He gave up the moment you rejected the 6th guy and whined at you for being so picky.

“Oh, and Jongdae…” he hummed, “my friends wants to meet you…”

He snapped his eyes at you, “why?”

“They think I’m dating you,” you sighed, “I tried to convince them that I’m not but they won’t believe me,” you pouted, “they’re planning to have a drink later, would you come?”

"Of course."

“Stop staring at them.” Jongdae whispered right beside your ear.

You whined, “I can’t.”

It’s been hours since this party started. You introduced Jongdae to them and it actually surprised you that they welcomed him, telling you that it’s because you’ve been smiling a lot lately, and they think it’s because of him, which made you blush the whole time. Jongdae talked to them as well with his enthusiasm and playful nature, they loved him even more.

You’ve been drinking since then, venting out your frustrations to Jongdae as he sat beside you in a corner, watching you glare at the happy couple. You’re partly glad that they don’t notice you like that because that would’ve made you look bitter but a part of you wanted them to know so that they could stop touching and kissing each other.

You sighed, “I need to breathe.”

You didn’t wait for his reply and stood up, bringing a bottle of beer with you outside.

The moment you stepped out, the cold wind hit you. Your hair flying away from your face, the wind drying your tears as you drank. I thought I was numb already, you laughed bitterly.

You sat down and went for another sip of the beer but you found out it was already empty. You sighed, lying down on the grass, you stared at the stars glowing above you as you wallow in self-pity.

As you were getting lost at the sight, you felt something brush against your arm, “they’re beautiful, aren’t they? The stars.”

The moment you heard his voice, you felt like crying. You felt like breaking down because you finally heard his voice, the voice you’ve been wanting to hear close to you like this for the past month. Your heart ached for him, so much that all you wanted to do was to grab him right there and indulge yourself with his warmth.

You smiled, “They are.”

Silence embraced you for a moment. Though, it’s neither tense nor awkward. It was comforting. This is the first time you felt peace growing inside you. You knew he remains your peace even if he was the one who caused the chaos. Your peace.

You felt his hand coming in contact with yours. He held your cold hand in his, warmth spreading through your whole body. “I missed you, angel.”

This time, you couldn’t hold back the tear that escaped your eye, sliding down your cheek all the way down your ear. You breathed, “me too, B.”

You stayed like that for a while, his hand firmly holding yours, his thumb softly tracing shapes on your soft skin. You two breathing slowly, you closed your eyes.

“What if she’s the one?” He whispered, barely audible yet you heard it.

You felt the familiar pang in your chest, tears stung your eyes, you chuckled, “she has always been your one.”

As if on cue, you heard her voice calling his name, you were sure he heard him too yet he didn’t move at all. It took few more calls until he removed his hold on you and helped you stand up.

He smiled, “duty calls.”

“Yeah.” Forcing out a laugh, you looked at your feet. After one last hold on your shoulder, he was gone.

The tears you’ve been trying so hard to stop, started streaming down your cheeks. You stood there outside covering your face with your hands, letting all the tears and pain out.

Once you calmed down, you walked back inside, flopping beside Jongdae, he called your name, “hey,”

“I… I thought of coming outside to comfort you but I thought you needed space.” He said, worriedly, his hands sliding down and up on your back to comfort you.

You drank another one and another one and another one, to your pleasure, Jongdae didn’t stop you, he knew you needed that.

His hand never left your body, you looked at him. Your eyes hazy, you felt dizzy after all the alcohol you consumed. You broke the eye contact and blinked for a few times, trying to clear your vision, “I think you should rest.”

He stood up, starting to help you when you stopped him, your hands tightly gripping his arms. You looked into his eyes, whispering, “thank you.”

Unknowingly, you’re coming closer, your eyes shifted from his eyes to his lips, your head throbbed. He breathed your name, you looked at him, “please, take it all away.” Unshed tears blurred your vision, “please.”

“Hey,”

He was so close you felt his controlled breath, he smelled so nice, it made you feel even more lightheaded, you looked into his eyes one last time before you leaned in, your lips touching his.

[oddinary4bts]

Chasing Cars | ch 5.5 (jjk)

☆summary: when your brother goes to study on a semester abroad, your life collides with his best friend Jeon Jungkook, who's coincidentally your roommate. Will you survive the collision, or will you crumble into dust?

☆pairings: brother's best friend!Jungkook x younger sister!female reader

☆rating: 18+ (minors DNI, some chapters contain mature content)

☆genre: forbidden love?au, college!au, slice of life!au, smut, angst (as usual a lot of it), fluff

☆warnings: explicit content: mentions of jerking off and of fingering/cum play

☆word count: 2k

☆a/n: i am drunk have fun i love jin <3

☆join the discord server here!

☆series masterpost

☆☆☆☆☆

If I lay here If I just lay here Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol

☆☆☆☆☆

Jungkook has been confused. He’s been confused since he woke up tangled up in bed with you, remembering the events of the night before. Remembering the feeling of you on his dick - how right it felt, yet how wrong it was.

It was wrong, because you’re Taehyung’s sister. You aren’t supposed to be together like that. Hell, without Taehyung, your paths would have never crossed. So he pulled away. Locked himself in a dark part of his mind, some place he doesn’t want you to ever set foot in, and he forced himself to distance himself from you. 

He knows you noticed. Maybe that’s why, when the power came back on, he didn’t immediately leave like he originally thought he would. But when you teased him from crying over the anime you watched, he knew your time was over.

No matter how much he didn’t want it to be. 

Does he blame you for growing annoyed? No. He understands. He understands why you’ve been giving him the cold shoulder. He thinks he deserves it, yet when he sees you at the library during his shift, he can’t help the way his heartbeat picks up in his chest, recognizing you for what you are.

Something he’ll never dare name.

So maybe it’s on purpose that he steps in your way when you’re walking out of the library. Maybe it’s to see what you’ll do, if you’ll speak the words he so desperately wanted you to say when he said it was time to go back to normal. Words he’ll also never dare think, because what if Taehyung knows?

What if Taehyung knows and he simultaneously loses his best friend and you?

Jungkook meets your gaze, a smile reaching for his lips, though he doesn’t let it reach its destination. Your friend Ria snorts, and Jungkook steps aside, frowning slightly. He doesn’t miss the way your cheeks slowly turn red, even more so as you say, “Ignore her.”

His eyes find yours again. “Noted,” he lets out, and then it’s like the moment is stretching. It’s like it’s you and him alone in the library, Ria fading out of focus. He can almost imagine the power being out, and the bubble you’d been wrapped in still floating around the two of you.

But the bubble bursts when a girl speaks next to him - Allison, he thinks - though he reckons the bubble probably burst when he told you you should pretend nothing ever happened.

Allison says she needs help, and he has no reason to refuse considering that it’s part of his job, so he has to walk away, unable to tell you anything more. 

To his surprise, you don’t get home until much later that evening, while he’s a beer and a half in with Jimin, playing video games to decompress after work. Jungkook’s heart skips a beat, and he finds himself asking, “Done studying?”

You nod as you shrug, saying, “I can’t retain any more information. My head feels like it’s going to explode.”

“Maybe I could help with that,” he teases you, if only so that he can see that blush on your cheeks again.

The one that almost makes him forget that your brother is Taehyung.

Almost.

“You wish, JK.”

He does. He fucking does, and it’s all kinds of stupid that he does. Especially as Jimin is right there, hidden in the bathroom.

“Want a beer?” Jungkook asks even though he knows he shouldn’t. He just doesn’t want you to disappear in your room, not when you’re finally talking to him again. 

Jimin intervenes before you answer, convincing you to indeed share a beer with them, and a few seconds later, you’re joining Jungkook in the living room while Jimin goes to fetch a beer for you and him. You sit on Jungkook’s left, as far as you possibly can, and his heart does that weird thing again. It makes him feel awkward, and he clenches his jaw.

“Feel free to grab this if you get cold,” he says, motioning to the blanket on the table, if only so that he can cut through the awkwardness. He offers you a smile, gaze meeting yours, but you gulp as you look away.

“We should talk about…” you whisper.

His heart rate increases so suddenly he thinks he might be about to go into cardiac arrest. “What about it?”

You shoot him a warning glance, probably because it’s likely that Jimin heard, and it settles Jungkook’s heart in his chest. It makes no sense, especially not to himself, and he offers you a smirk. 

You blush, and he thinks he’s floating, but then Jimin walks out of the kitchen, interrupting the moment. He falls back down to Earth, and when Jimin suggests watching Attack on Titan, Jungkook finds himself saying.

Maybe because your gravity is pulling him in, and he doesn’t want the distraction of having to focus on a game. Hell, he’s not even sure he’d be able to focus - all he manages to do as the anime advances is lean infinitely closer to you. 

Action speaks louder than words, he reckons, because he finds himself half-sprawled on you, and it feels like heaven. For this peaceful moment, he doesn’t care that Jimin is right there, eyeing you suspiciously. He’s just happy to be with you, and he thinks it’ll have to suffice.

Jimin leaves right as the episode ends, claiming Sera is waiting for him. Jungkook knows that she isn’t - she was with Lisa tonight, but he won’t call Jimin out. Not when he thinks it might be because Jimin wants to leave you two alone, something he’s been craving more than he thought he did.

“So,” Jungkook lets out when Jimin has left. “You wanted to talk?”

His heart immediately starts beating wildly in his chest, and he disguises it by tilting his head to the side in what he hopes is an innocent gesture.

You nod once. “Yes.”

His heartbeat is so loud he barely can even hear you say the simple word, yet he replies, “I’m listening.”

“What should we do about Taehyung?”

The question lands like a blow to the face, and he sucks in a breath as regrets swirl within him. “Nothing.” He has to force the next sentence out, and it tastes bitter on his tongue. “We just pretend nothing happened, no?”

You don’t like it. He can tell that you don’t - you stiffen, turning ashen. 

“Is that what you want?” you ask.

No. Not at all. Not in a million years. But it’s the only possible outcome, so he hides his hands in the pockets of his pants, if only to hide the slight tremble that’s taken over them, tremble that he’s able to keep to a minimum, unaffecting his voice.

“Yeah. I don’t see why it would need to be a big deal,” he says.

But it is. It’s a big deal, and he never realized how good of an actor he is before today.

“It’s not a big deal,” you mutter. “‘I’m not trying to make it into a big deal.”

He’s an asshole, he knows he is. Rotten to the bone, as he says, “Right,” a smirk on his lips.

You’re annoyed. You shut your eyes, shaking your head. “No, for real,” you insist. “If you want us to just pretend that nothing happened, then we do that.”

He doesn’t want it, but isn’t it the safest option? Isn’t it saving you both the embarrassment and heartbreak that Taehyung would cause you if he knew?

“You awfully sound like that’s not what you want,” he forces himself to say, though he hopes you can hear the true meaning in his words. That it isn’t what he wants, though he can’t say it aloud. 

“I just don’t want things to get weird.” You pause, and then add, “Since we live together.”

On that Jungkook can reassure you. He’d never let things grow weird between the two of you.

“Don’t worry about it, peach,” he says. “I won’t make things weird.”

Yet, as he says the words, something aches. Especially as the silence stretches while you hold each other’s gaze until your eyes fall to the beer in your hand. Jungkook almost wants to tell you to look at him, to never stop looking at him.

Instead, he heads towards his room, wishing you good night over his shoulder.

*****

Emily is a nice girl. She’s gorgeous, Jungkook is entirely aware of it, yet he doesn’t find in her eyes what he’s looking for.

He doesn’t think he’ll be able to find it again. Not when he sees you walking into the bar, carrying yourself with that gentle elegance that attracts the gaze. You eye him up and down, and then glance away. He follows your line of gaze to notice Hoseok walking towards you, and something very ugly settles deep in his chest as he watches Hoseok pressing a kiss on your temple. Jungkook clenches his jaw, and then forces himself to focus on Emily, even though he’d rather not be stuck with her right now.

And he remains stuck for a while until she says she has to go to the bathroom. He doesn’t miss it for the invitation that it is, yet he ignores it, telling her he’ll wait for her at the bar.

Especially considering that you’re in his vicinity again, talking to a long-haired blond guy, and you look uncomfortable as all hell. It shows in the tense spread of your shoulders, and in the way your eyes keep darting to the side. Jungkook doesn’t hesitate, stepping closer.

“I realized that none of them compared to you,” Jungkook hears as he stops behind you, and his heart squeezes uncomfortably in his chest at the blatant flirting. 

You take a step back, bumping into Jungkook, and he asks, “Hey, everything okay here?”

You meet his gaze, your eyes panicked, and Jungkook moves closer, wrapping his arm around your waist, trying to reassure you. The guy scoffs, and Jungkook holds you a little tighter, only because he can.

“You’re fucking your brother’s friend?” he asks.

Jungkook almost wants to say ‘What about it?’, but you push him off of you, and he stumbles back, eyes going round.

“I am not,” you spit, and it hurts far more than it should. “Maybe he just tried to step in because you can’t fucking take a clue, can you?”

There’s a moment of stunned silence as Jungkook finds himself stifling a surprised laugh.

“Excuse me?” the guy eventually says.

“You heard the lady,” Jungkook intervenes. “Fuck off.”

The seething look you throw Jungkook’s way almost makes him cower from how unexpected it was. 

“I don’t fucking need your help,” you throw at him.

Something definitely aches now, and Jungkook frowns, watching as you slightly shake your head, an apologetic look on your features. But he’s stunned silent, stunned realizing how much he wanted to protect you.

How you didn’t want him to protect you. Because why would you? He only fucked you once because the circumstances aligned for it, and now he’s told you you should pretend nothing happened.

He barely minds the animosity then. He thinks he deserves it. So when Emily pulls on his arm, telling him she’s been waiting for him, and then adding for just him to hear that Eunwoo, one of his close friends, is throwing up in the hallway next to the bathroom, Jungkook finds himself following her.

Even though all his instincts tell him to stay with you.

Much later that night, after Jungkook has gotten drunk alone back at the apartment after dropping Eunwoo off at his, Jungkook stares at the text he sent you.

It sits unanswered, and Jungkook thinks, maybe he is the problem after all.

☆☆☆☆☆

hihihi i am actually very drunk but i hope you guys liked it!! please let me know what you think about the drabble and about our baby simp jungkook

All rights reserved to @/oddinary4bts, 2024. Do not copy, repost or translate.

[homeformyheart]

bucket list - all pairings (twc)

author’s note: i woke up one morning with the thought of what would each UB RO do if they found out the detective had a bucket list because they thought they might die soon from all the supernatural activity, and we’ll all have to thank @pearlsandsteel, @kelseaaa, @wayhavenots, and @ohnobbwhatisyoudoing for bullying encouraging me to do this (if you don’t like it, blame them; if you like it, thank them). hope you all enjoy!

copyright: all characters, except the oc detectives, are owned by mishka jenkins @seraphinitegames. series/pairing: the wayhaven chronicles – all pairings (6 detectives) rating/warnings: 14+; minor angst based on/prompt: inspired by the movie a walk to remember word count: ~3.5k words in total (~500-700 words per pairing) summary: the detective has a bucket list of things they’d like to do before they die (these are all canon stories). each pairing is featured in a ~500-700 word drabble.

1. adam du mortain x detective lyra kingston x nate sewell (LT) 2. mason x detective ria knight 3. nate sewell x detective cassie knight 4. felix hauville x detective harley bishop** 5. adam du mortain x detective regina bishop** 6. mason x detective brooklyn kingston**

** the ones with asterisks have little easter eggs / connection to other prompt fills / fics i’ve written for those pairings. bonus points if you can figure out what they are before you get to the end of those!

and tell me which one you liked best / least 👀 (i need to know your angst thresholds for research).

bucket list

1. adam du mortain x detective lyra kingston x nate sewell (LT) (~600 words)

lyra rummaged through the drawer of her nightstand, tossing out old receipts, rubber bands, and other random knick-knacks that she really didn’t need but kept anyway “just in case.” her fingers finally wrapped around a thick card-sized envelope and she yanked it out of the drawer triumphantly, instantly recognizing the pale yellow color and her name written on the outside.

a knock on the door made her spin around and instinctively hide the card behind her back. nate opened the door, leaning casually against the doorway, and smiled gently at her in a way that made her forget she was supposed to be annoyed with him for how secretive he was.

“did you find what you were looking for?”

lyra nodded before walking out into the living room and sitting down on the couch. she patted the seat to her left and nate obliged, sitting close enough that their thighs touched. she did her best to ignore adam from where he was standing just a few feet away. he had insisted on coming with them to retrieve lyra’s belongings, for added protection and since nate couldn’t drive.

“it’s the card my dad wrote for me when i was born,” she said quietly, her usual energy tempered. “it’s been a while since i’ve read it.”

her fingers trembled as she opened the flap of the envelope and slid the plain white card out, the only embellishment being a simple watercolor of a few hydrangeas on the front.

nate hesitantly wrapped an arm around lyra’s waist, moving slowly and watching carefully for any signs that it would be unwelcome in the moment. he relaxed when lyra instinctively leaned towards him, the subtle shift in her body language not going unnoticed by a certain commanding agent from his station by the window.

“will you tell me about it?” nate asked softly, seeming to have forgotten they weren’t alone.

lyra opened the card and ran her fingers down rook’s scrawl-like handwriting. she swallowed heavily to keep the tears stinging her eyes at bay.

“nothing to tell really, he wrote stuff about how much he loved me already and couldn’t wait to show me the world,” she said quietly, her voice breaking. she cleared her throat. “he wrote a list of things he wanted me to experience.”

she grabbed a pen from her purse and proceeded to cross out items on the list, stopping only to circle the last one.

fall in love

nate leaned in closer, running his finger down the list of crossed out words before pausing on the last one and looking up at lyra quizzically.

her throat was suddenly dry. she dropped her gaze towards her lap. “bobby doesn’t count,” she whispered. “that wasn’t love. my dad would want me to be with someone who loves me for me.”

nate tilted her chin up with a finger so she was looking into his eyes again. “i hope one day i could be that someone,” nate murmured, tucking a loose strand of her hair behind her ear.

lyra’s breath caught in her throat and she blushed under his intense glaze. “well, you’re certainly, um,” she paused and glanced away to collect herself, making eye contact with adam inadvertently. her body tensed subconsciously, warring with itself to stay in nate’s warmth and ignore adam’s magnetic pull.

she tore her eyes away from the pained look on adam’s face and forced a smile.

“you make it easy, nate,” she said, her own smile growing genuinely in response to nate’s, despite the soft bitter edge in her voice and how it cut through adam like a knife.

* * * * * 2. mason x detective ria knight (~560 words)

ria clutched a crumpled up note in one hand and a lit cigarette in the other, the thin paper disintegrating rapidly as she inhaled deeply, letting the smoke burn the back of her throat and lungs until she couldn’t take it anymore. her head fell back against the gate as she exhaled, the cloud of smoke stinging her eyes since she refused to close them.

just tell him.

“tell me what?” a gruff voice broke through the haze and made her blink. she hadn’t realized she said anything out loud.

she carefully schooled her features with a look of indifference as she crushed the cigarette under her foot.

“bold of you to assume i was referring to you,” she shrugged, turning to walk the short distance to the warehouse.

mason fell into step beside her, an easy silence settling over them both. ria kept crinkling the paper in her hand with her thumb, crumpling and uncrumpling it over and over again, glancing at it every so often until they were in the living room.

if mason was curious about what was on the piece of paper, he didn’t show it.

“what do you have there, ria?” felix’s eager voice brought ria’s attention back to the present and she inwardly groaned.

felix was the last person she wanted around right now. he was too observant for his own good.

“a bucket list,” she muttered, crumpling the paper inside a tight fist.

“what’s a bucket list?” the younger vampire asked.

ria sighed. “it’s a list that people make of things they want to do before they die,” she said, her voice so uncharacteristically soft that mason almost wondered if he had misheard. “i know my life is in constant danger, so i thought it might help to make sure i write down what’s important to me.”

felix’s mouth parted in surprise, but mason interrupted before he could say anything. “what’s on the list?” he asked gruffly, though not unkindly.

ria gave him a long, hesitant look. “i wanted to show you my dad’s grave. catch him up on everything,” she said, her gaze dropping. “it’s been a while since i’ve gone to see him.”

“name the time and place, sweetheart,” mason said quietly, the weight of his words washing over her and softening her features. he stepped closer to her, even though felix would be able to hear everything he said anyway. “you’re not dying on my watch.”

she swallowed the snarky, defensive retort that sat on the tip of her tongue. “thank you,” she mouthed silently instead.

“is there anything else on your list?” felix asked, stepping closer to ria.

she quickly pulled her hand behind her back and walked past him. “nothing important,” she snapped, tossing the crumpled ball of paper into the trash before heading to her room.

felix exchanged a knowing look with mason and dug the ball out of the trash, carefully uncrumpling it.

“this isn’t much of a list, there are only two things on here,” he said, trying to smooth out the paper so he could read her handwriting.

mason snatched the paper before felix could read the rest of it, skimming over the words himself, brows furrowing tighter before he let it drop to the floor. felix picked it up as mason stormed out of the warehouse, reading the only other thing that ria had written on her bucket list:

tell mason i love him.

* * * * * 3. nate sewell x detective cassie knight (~600 words)

cassie grabbed a tissue from the box on her coffee table, wiping her tears furiously as the credits of the movie they had finished watching began rolling on the screen. nate turned off the television with a smile, wrapping an arm around cassie and pulling her closer until she was practically in his lap.

“i thought you’ve seen this movie before,” he teased, rubbing his hand soothingly up and down her arm.

cassie elbowed him playfully. “don’t judge me. i love the book but the movie always gets me, especially when he helps her finish her bucket list.”

“i can honestly say i prefer the book,” he said, genuinely surprised to see this side of cassie.

he hadn’t seen her this at ease in a long time, maybe ever. she looked comfortable and content, despite her puffy eyes and red nose, all of which he found absolutely endearing.

“the nathaniel sewell, connoisseur of historical tomes and vintage novels, read a nicholas sparks’ romance novel?”

it was cassie’s turn to be surprised.

things were still relatively new between them, but not for lack of effort. the steady stream of missions and supernatural activity in wayhaven kept them both far too busy for comfort. and when they weren’t on missions, she still had a lot of work at the station and nate always had mission-related paperwork and research to do.

it shouldn’t have been a surprise that there wasn’t much they knew of each other when it came to personal quirks and guilty pleasures, but nate wanted to know more.

nate’s gaze dropped at cassie’s inquiring look. “i—um, dated someone a while ago who really enjoyed his books and i thought reading them would help.”

he could almost see the gears turning in her head as her eyes narrowed thoughtfully.

“i could see why you might think it would make someone fall in love with you,” she said finally, a wistful distance settling into her eyes. “bobby liked to compare himself to noah calhoun from the notebook.”

nate felt his entire body tense and he had to clench his jaw to keep from violently flinching. just the thought of that reporter and how he had mistreated cassie was enough to make his blood boil.

“you said you liked the part where landon helps jamie with her bucket list. do you have one?” nate asked, trying to turn the conversation back to a safer topic.

cassie’s eyes widened slightly in confusion before she realized what nate was doing and gave him a grateful smile. “i do, actually. i’ve been meaning to update it,” she said, reaching for a leather-bound journal resting on the coffee table and flipping to a page in the back.

“may i?” he asked, noting the flicker of hesitation darkening her green eyes for a fraction of a second before she nodded.

nate took the journal from her and skimmed the list. it mostly comprised of things he thought were consistent with how thoughtful cassie was, but the second-to-last item stole the breath from his lungs in a painful way.

live to 30

he put the journal down before grabbing both of her hands. “i will do everything in my power to keep you safe, i promise. you will get to live beyond thirty,” he said, his eyes flashing with a seriousness that was rarely directed at her.

“then i will look forward to the day i can cross that one out,” cassie said, giving him a warm smile.

nate felt his breath return to him as cassie settled against his side once more, her warmth reminding him to cherish these rare moments they shared.

* * * * * 4. felix hauville x detective harley bishop (~500 words)

harley scanned the legal pad in front of her, two-thirds of it filled out with various experiences and things she wanted to do sooner rather than later. it took meeting felix and the rest of unit bravo for her to realize that she had become very content and complacent with her life. felix’s enthusiasm for this world made her want to explore and experience things.

but more than anything, hayley wanted to feel alive.

the trappers had become more brazen and the number of close-calls in the past few weeks didn’t sit well with her. she never really had any personal ambition or dreams, but she knew now that she wanted more moments with felix.

she looked down at the list that seemed to keep growing by the hour.

show felix the grotto

take felix camping

learn how to cook one dish

a knock on her door, followed by the sight of felix’s head peeking around the doorframe made her look up.

“hey babe, what are you up to?” he asked, clambering on top of her bed to get as close to her as possible.

“i’m just putting together a bucket list of things i want to do while i still have the chance,” she replied, trying to keep her voice light.

felix lifted his head from her shoulder so he could study her face. she made a point of avoiding eye contact as she held up the legal pad.

“these are some of my favorite spots in wayhaven,” harley said, her finger running down between the numbers three and ten. “i want to make sure that you get to see them.”

“and i can’t wait. but we have plenty of time for that babe,” felix said, wrapping his arm around her waist and tugging her closer. “i promise.”

“but what if we don’t?” she asked, her voice barely above a whisper. “i want to make sure you don’t forget me.”

truthfully, that was what really had been bothering her the past few weeks. harley worried that compared to felix’s eternal life, hers was not only insignificant, but also incredibly boring.  

he gently cupped her face in his hands. “i would never want to forget you. and we’re going to be together for a very long time, okay?”

she nodded and mustered a small smile. “okay,” she said, a warm flush spreading from the touch of his skin on her face through her body.

he gave her a soft kiss before grabbing the legal pad from her hands. “i want to add stuff to the list too. things i want to do with you,” he said, his cheerful energy rubbing off on her as she handed him a pen.

she rested her chin on his shoulder this time, so she could watch as he scribbled a few things near the bottom. they were mostly ideas for different types of date activities, but the last thing he wrote made her lift her head and freeze.

tell harley i love her.

harley looked at felix, stunned, to find him smiling softly at her. “one day, really soon,” he murmured, his eyes shining before his lips enveloped hers in a kiss. and she knew that day couldn’t come soon enough.

reference fic: camping.

* * * * * 5. adam du mortain x detective regina bishop (~570 words)

regina watched adam play with their children from where she was sitting on the porch, pretending that ten-year-old jacques and seven-year-old cecilia were able to pin him to the ground. she smiled as their youngest, four-year-old philip, waddled over and placed a fistful of daisies on adam’s face, before sitting down and rearranging them with a look of concentration on his round face.

she let herself bask in the moment of happiness that she knew would be fleeting, before looking down at the journal on her lap. she pulled out the worn sheet of paper tucked away in the middle, covered in hasty scribbles and crossed-out words on each layer of sticky notes, a bucket list she made years ago and continued to update.

tell adam i love him

get married

build a house by the sea

revive the du mortain line

raise our family together

regina smiled as she quickly skimmed over the crinkled pile of notes, sifting through them carefully so as not to further wear down the adhesive before she got near the bottom and pulled out a bright green-colored sticky note with only one thing written on it. all the other notes in the pile were pink and blue because she had wanted this one to stand out so she could easily find it.

turn?

don’t turn?

decide whether to turn

her smile faded. it hadn’t taken long to work through everything else she put on her bucket list. even the ones that took considerable effort (and really, it was mainly getting adam to come around to having kids), she was able to accomplish through sheer stubbornness and determination. but this last one was different.

regina was afraid to bring it up with adam and she knew he wouldn’t bring it up first. she knew him well enough by now that he would insist that this needed to be her decision and hers alone and refuse to influence her either way. but because she understood him better than he understood himself most days, she also knew that her death might break him and return him to an even darker and more repressed version of himself than before.

a sudden darkness brought her attention back up to meet a pair of wavering green eyes. her gaze flicked past him to note the children still playing together in the yard before meeting his again as he sat down next to her, reaching over to clasp his hand over hers.

“your bucket list?” he asked, with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

when he first found out she had created one, under the assumption that she could die at any moment, he was unsurprisingly fearful, and remained simultaneously distant and protective for a long while. it did, however, help spark the conversation between them about having children.

regina nodded. “i still can’t believe i managed to accomplish all the things i’ve written down over the years. i just really have one thing left to figure out.”

adam intertwined his fingers with hers and stroked the back of her hand with his thumb. the small circles he drew seemed to relieve some of the tension in both of their shoulders.

“whatever you decide,” he said finally, a noticeable strain in his voice. “i will respect it.”

“thank you,” she responded quietly, a thick tension sending a chill over them both despite the bright and warm sun and the laughter of their children surrounding them.

reference fic: cottage by the sea.

* * * * * 6. mason x detective brooklyn kingston (~530 words)

mason leaned against the side of brooklyn’s desk as they turned off their computer and pulled out a loose sheet of paper.

“what’s that?” he asked, curiosity getting the better of him.

things had been relatively calm in town and even though the quiet made adam tense and stern, mason enjoyed the reprieve. especially since it meant that he got to spend more time with brooklyn. they had threatened to quit the team and move out of town not that long ago, but had yet to follow through.

he wasn’t going to question them on it. he had already made it clear that he would follow them to the end.

“a bucket list,” they replied distractedly, not even bothering to look up at him. “a list of things i want to do before i leave wayhaven.”

mason raised an eyebrow. so they were still planning to leave. he leaned over and let his finger land on the sheet, pinning it to the desk.

“this is an ambitious list,” he remarked as he scanned the list of thirty things or so, most of which had been crossed out.

they lifted his finger and swatted his hand away before smoothing out the page. “are you doubting me?”

“i’d never do that, brooks,” he said, pulling a cigarette from his pocket. “come on, i’ll take you home.”

“i’m going to dinner at verda’s and he’ll take me home after. i’ll see you tomorrow,” brooklyn said quickly, grabbing the cigarette from his fingers and tossing it into the trash can under their desk.

“i should make you start paying for those,” he growled playfully.

brooklyn chuckled. “or you could stop buying them. now get going so i can finish up here.”

he smirked and leaned in close enough that they could trace the freckles on his face with their nose if they leaned forward just a little.

“do i get a kiss before i go?” he asked with a smirk on his face, his gaze focused on their lips.

their eyes flicked down to his lips and back up to his grey eyes, the playfulness simmering behind a seriousness that made their breath catch. they tilted their head slightly and leaned forward to press their lips to his, letting his wrap around theirs for a brief second before pulling away.

“goodbye, mason,” they murmured, smiling gently at him, hoping the ache in their chest wasn’t visible in any way.

mason’s eyes fluttered open and his heartbeat thudded in his ears, the sound becoming more familiar each time they kissed. this time, however, brooklyn’s lips felt different and not in any way that he could pinpoint. mason’s eyes searched theirs, confused but unable to figure out exactly why he felt so uneasy.

after a moment, he shrugged and got up from their desk, turning back to nod at them once before heading out. brooklyn’s smile faded and they looked over their list one more time. the few they had left were ones they had planned on knocking out that evening, starting with verda and his family.

they just hadn’t expected to complete the last item so soon:

say goodbye to mason.

reference fic: menage

* * * * * permatag: @kelseaaa; @kat-tia801; @anotherbeingsworld; @crackerdumortain; @pearlsandsteel; @gloynporslen; @writer-ish; @sosolenoo; @alyssalauren; @fhauvilles; @wayhavenots; @gingerbreton; @takemyopenheart; nate x detective: @missameliep;

[lovecolibri]

The general potential of someone's impending death and the angst that means for the ships/relationships is so good, and I am quite curious how investigating that would work for a whole season, how much screentime will it actually take up and how it ties into the character journeys that Chris has been teasing. The s2 synopsis mentioned both Liz working on resurrecting Max and Alex's eventual kidnapping, two things that ended up having absolutely nothing to do with each other and happened on opposite ends of the season. Max's death was resolved fairly quickly. Alex didn't go missing until the end of the season. Is the mystery even a season-long thing? With the way Kyle's and Rosa's and Isobel's and even Alex's s3 arc has been teased so far, it kinda sounds like everyone has some pretty big decisions to make, and that makes sense if everyone is facing the idea of dying soon. I honestly never considered the F*rlex breakup coming from it, but it might be the best case scenario. I don't think M*ria being the one who has the vision really puts her at an advantage in the story or means she will be everywhere. Liz is still the lead. And if done well, we'll get Malex actually reaffirming being each other's person face to face. There should be plenty of good stuff that doesn't involve whichever character you don't want to see.

This is such a hopeful take, Nonnie and I appreciate it it! I think figuring out WHO is the one dying is probably going to be resolved mid-season and the back half of the season will be about figuring out the WHY and the HOW and preventing it. The potential for Malex and/or Echo angst is HIGH and I am really excited about that. I also hadn't thought that maybe that would be the catalist to end Forlex (I am great at finding worst-case scenarios, yay for me 🙃) but I definitely think it's plausible. I am hoping though that we don't get a repeat of season 2 with Forrest being the one to dump Alex and Alex saying an ILY, but it's wouldn't be the absolute worst thing, and is still better than my prediction that Forrest is involved in Deep Sky (Or is is Dark Sky? I'm suddenly panicking and confused) and finds out about the alien's hand in Kate's death and takes that out on Alex when he finds out Alex knew, although that would be an interesting parallel to Michael reaffirming that he DIDN'T blame Alex for his family's actions. 🧐

Lots to think and speculate about, Nonnie! And there are for sure some good and exciting things coming and hopefully all my doom and gloom is for naught. Either way, I get to be (disappointingly) right, or pleasantly surprised!