#brain want write fic but doesn't know What Sort of fic aside from it being our flag so

[izzy-b-hands]

i always go back and forth on can Izzy read or not hcs (ultimately im here for any and all from 'yeah he can' to 'no he cannot' with various variables in any hc)

today thinking abt one part of that spectrum that's:

he can read, but not super well, and he's been claiming he can't read at all purely bc he knows Stede will recommend him books to read once he knows.

and while that isn't bad, he can't read very quickly and he's deadset on not embarrassing himself by Stede finding that out abt him (when it takes him a week to get through two chapters and 'yes bonnet the book is good no im not putting it off why is it taking me so long to read this then? why don't you fuck off?!')

That and the proto sticky notes that Stede invents to leave Lucius and Ed with random reminders (and drawings and actually occasionally just cute lil hello how are u messages, but Izzy doesn't know that and tbh, is not incorrectly assuming that Stede would default to using it for work messages mainly with him. Up to and including 'ship sinking pls come out to dinghy when u wake up! See u then, Iz :intricately drawn heart by Stede's signature:. Like it's sweet but also Work so it's a weird grey area and Izzy just isn't Sure abt dealing with that rn lmaooo)

[avocado-writing]

hi!! ive.. gone and read so much of ur work in one sitting. its all so much to take in, IN A GOOD WAY, and i absolutely adore every single word

would u be so kind.. to bless my angst durge needs..

Durge Resist tav, was strong for all until the brain was finally defeated but now, with what she believed her only purpose/chance at redemption (brain), they can't help but feel utterly empty and,, unredeemed. They mourn all those they have robbed from this world, nameless, and countless numbers of people they robbed of the life that they were now being given the chance at living. Surely they don't deserve it(Is what they think..)

They are pathetically in love, and if they deserve anything, its to tell their special one just how much they are adored before casting themselves out of society (or taking their own life, if ur comfortable writing such things-)

Rolan, Dammon, Zevlor, maybe even Rugan if u write for that loser LMAO. just.. whoever u write for, its the tieflings i adore most ahegege

if this didnt make sense IM SORRY i havent slept in so long and sleep is not choosing me. i just crave angst, perhaps with a happy ending if u would indulge me so..!! thank u if u read this, so much!!

hi, I don't write fics about suicide, but here's the tiefling bachelors with a durge who's planning to disappear after the absolute is gone and giving them one final confession:

Dammon

senses something is wrong when you take him aside for a heart-to-heart.

it isn't that you avoid these sorts of moments per se, he just knows you only affirm your affections when something big is going to happen (you did it before you went off to fight the elder brain)

he holds your hand tightly, gets you to look him in the eye.

"I love you, no matter what, and I never want to be without you. tell me you'll be there when I wake up tomorrow. in our bed. swear it to me."

you can see the utter adoration he looks at you with, and you think: maybe you aren't so bad if a man like this can truly love you.

the next morning Dammon wakes up. you're not in bed next to him. he panics, getting to his feet - only to find you in the kitchen making breakfast.

he's never been so relieved. walks up behind you and wraps you in his arms. he loves you so dearly, and will keep on loving you until you believe yourself worthy of it.

Rolan

Rolan doesn't quite understand why you're having this great outburst, but chalks it down to emotions running high after the final battle.

says goodnight, kisses you, and heads off to his tower - he has a lot of admin to do after all.

the next morning he comes to meet you at the elfsong, only to be met with the realisation that you aren't there. he curses himself for not understanding why you were so melancholic last night.

he tracks you down. uses all of his resources to scry on you, grease palms with the money the tower has. he's up all night for weeks. Cal and Lia worry about him but he is determined.

and find you he does. manages to locate where you're hiding out, a little hamlet in the middle of nowhere. you burst into tears when you see him, and he just pulls you into his arms.

"come home with me."

you do, moving into his tower. and you never leave him again.

Zevlor

immediately knows something is wrong. takes you to a quiet place where the two of you can be alone and talk things out.

discusses how he feels like being a failure for breaking his oath -- but you always saw past that. saw the goodness in his soul. he wishes you would treat yourself with that kindness.

you begin to cry, softly at first, and then with sobs which wrack your whole body. he holds you ever so tightly.

"I love you. you are not who you were. you have strived to be better every day, fought against your own family, and always chosen a righteous path. you deserve to be happy. I'd want to make you happy, if you'd let me."

eventually your tears run dry and you look up into his face. his eyes are so sincere. he means every word.

when you kiss him, it's a promise: that you're with him for good. that whatever comes next, it will be faced together.

[happyk44]

Ya know what I find really weird in PJO but I can't find an alternate explanation for/scene for and so it must stay in my brain as a "I can't find the solution for this and it's making be rage" thought?

The whole "Greek and Roman Deities Fighting Each Other" for the same brain/body. Like, I somewhat get it from the author's standpoint but as someone who knows both of their myths, I'm like??? They literally both have their own gods without "counterparts" like Bellona, which Rick acknowledges within the series and each deity literally has different values within somewhat same domains. Like, Juno? Entirely different epithets from Hera, although they share the same "place" within their pantheons. And, yes, there are some overlaps which come from the fact that Rome came after Greece and has a lot of influence from the Greeks, just like our books and literature has a lot of overlap with ancient cultures and, very specifically, America with European roots. That's just how humans work! Look at literally any fictional book with its own "world" and see all the things it took inspiration from! Even Tolkien! Especially Tolkien! And now look at the things we took from Tolkien.

It's just. I don't know what to do about this and I'm mad about it. Do I like, make the whole scene change when the gods change. Do I replace their entire beings with the other culture's. Do I make them coexist and just pop up everywhere? Answers, brain, answers.

[Coming from an author who's especially enraged bc he's trying to write a Mortal!Big Three AU after the series with a lot of roman influence but a majority of the series is based on Greek Influence--even Camp Jupiter, who has child soldiers??? Dude, they should be adults-. "Oh what about Jason and Reyna?" Make a funny little plot thing where literal adults are tasked by one of their Patron Goddess to take care of a Small Child which they literally did not ask for and raise him/it to be a functioning soldier. Make it so when we're introduced to The Camp via Percy, the soldiers groan because they're literally being run over by children, wtf man. Anyway, if someone writes this into something or finds a fic with an idea similar to this, send it to me <3--and so now he has to do a lot of research based in roman culture with very little Referenced Points.

{The author's starting to but it's gonna take a while and they wanna write this fic now-}]

<3

Fair warning it's like 4:30ish in the morning as I write this and I haven't slept yet so this might be all over the place but, yeah, Risk doesn't do enough to differentiate between the two sides within canon. So I think a lot of people come out of the series assuming that there's little to no difference between Greek and Roman gods and culture, aside from the change of their names. And since there's no perceived difference, they don't really do their own research.

Plus adding in details that aren't accurate to ancient culture/ideology (re: Neptune being hated because Romans weren't seafaring. Like. They were. They had a navy. And they didn't hate Nepetune) and then not elaborating any further on those details (we never see Neptune so we don't get to be exposed to how terrifying or different from Poseidon he is, we have no active child of Neptune to give us a reason why the modern day campers would be fearful other than a story about an earthquake, which I still find ridiculous because really? None of your siblings have ever made a devastating fuckup?)

It definitely could've been more well thought out. I mean I wrote a book featuring different gods, and a key player is Kali. In some text, Kali is an aspect of the goddess Durga. Durga has other aspects as well, such as Parvati. It's sort of similar to how the gods are presented in PJO/HoO. However, I wanted to clarify that Kali is a separate entity, so over the course of the last few centuries and as a result of colonization, she and the other aspects separated out from the principal goddess to be their own. She was the last to sever out. While she is worshipped as an aspect of Durga, she's still a goddess in her own right! But the aspect wording caught my attention and I wanted it to be obvious

With PJO/HoO canon, it could be the opposite. They started as separate entities but public perception caused them to merge. We know through TKC that public perception affects the gods - gods that have been forgotten become senile. Why can't public perception affect them in other ways? In my book, less known mythologies and gods become weaker and weaker, especially as colonization has erased knowledge and artifacts, which is why I had them centralize their power into a collective that equalizes belief among the whole of them (with a little boost for the well-known and worshipped), because hey, if it can happen to them, it can happen to you.

Anyway, a fun way to go about this is maybe making a joke that Hermes and Anubis can't interact because otherwise they start to combine and separating them takes time and energy and other people's help because of Hermanubis. The Greek and Roman gods want to be separate but because public perception tends to conflate them way more than they're already conflated, they're stuck battling it out. Greek gods tend to win more because, again, public perception tends to prioritize Greek mythology (at least I think so anyway) which is one of the reason legacies are so commonplace in Camp Jupiter in a way they aren't at CHB.

By this you can have "designer" legacies - kids with more than one godly ancestor (like Frank) in order to continue on the powers or strengths of multiple gods rather than just the one. With the way New Rome is structured, I can't imagine why demigods wouldn't hook up with one another. With CHB, you can leave so relationships between demigods may fizzle out after the summer or when demigods choose to stop coming back to camp for whatever reason. They also don't have to send their kids to camp, and can train their kids on their own, so less interaction with legacies is had with CHB, and thus godly influence slowly dies out as the legacies don't hook up with one another or other demigods. There's also the ever present risk of monsters, so Greek legacies may survive less.

With CJ, everyone tends to migrate into New Rome when their service is done. Between school, work, and homing options, there's less reason to leave, less likelihood of relationships fizzling out, higher likelihood of multiple godly ancestors among legacies.

One of the things that I've complained about with the Greek vs Roman battling it out thing before and what I wanna reiterate again is that Frank should not have been the one to deal with both aspects of his dad arguing in his head. It should've been Jason!! The one who actually was unsure of his standing as a Roman or Greek demigod.

But there's no differentiation. Even the arguing in Frank's head is just "kill everyone!" and "war is great!" There's no line between Mars as war god and Ares as a war god, despite the reality that there was - Mars being more disciplined and Ares being more bloodlust.

And attempts at describing a difference are either unclear or delivered through secondhand information, like when Thalia claims that Jupiter seemed different to her when he came in that aspect of himself but in text, the actual exposure we get of him feels no different to what we've experienced of Zeus in PJO. Neptune vs Poseidon.

Why does Athena have kids but Minerva doesn't when both are virgin goddesses born from their father's head? Why does Minerva's status as a virgin goddess bear more significance than Athena's to the point she doesn't simply replicate the actions of her other self to have her own kids?

The only line of clarity I can really see is Pluto vs Hades, and even then, the characterization between the two of them is essentially the same, the only weight is in the importance of their godly priorities shown both through their kids (Hazel vs Nico) and described in text (wealth vs dead). But we get little to no other exposure or line of thought from other characters with the same godly parent, just different aspects. How does Frank differ from Clarisse, or Jason from Thalia? How does the chosen aspect of their godly parent affect their personality, their powers, the way they interact with the world or how others see them?

I do like that idea of random adults at camp being given a kid by various gods who are just "take care of this thing for me, thanks" and bouncing off. That's funny. But also lol, Jason being CJ's only child soldier. He's Jupiter's child, and a champion of Juno so he's special and must be treated as such, even if that's by being attacked by wolves nonstop as a toddler and then raised in barracks from ages 3 to 15. And when people go "what about Reyna" or "what about Frank", like, idk how commonplace it is in most places but I know the US has those like junior army clubs or whatever it's called, so why couldn't they just be part of CJ's equivalent to that and then run off to do their own thing with the others because they're teens with ADHD and impulsivity is a thing, especially when you care about your friends.

But, like, also the soldier aspect isn't really key. "What about Reyna?" She was gonna end up at Camp Jupiter either way. "What about Frank?" He needed to be trained because it'd been 16 years and the fact that he hadn't experienced any monsters up to 'til then can be written away as his mom and grandmother defeated them before he could be hurt, and then his mom died and his grandmother realized she won't always be here to defend him so fuck it, let's tell him the truth about his father and send him off to learn how to defend himself.

And again! It's as you said - epithets differ even between similar gods. Their priorities differ - both in ancient culture and with the god themselves. Principal gods differ. Mars was held to higher esteem than Ares - Frank's status as his son should've been exemplified. Mars was second to Jupiter in importance - Jason could've subconsciously adopted Frank as his second in command, which would've been neat because we know Frank struggles with anxiety and confidence and we know he wasn't all that thrilled with being Mars's son at the start, and him getting a bump up in status/importance could've been an interesting arc to navigate, as well as further cement the key moment in HoH when he takes over for Jason as praetor and leads the ghostly army.

[sansxfuckyou]

take one step forward (two steps back)

summary: guarding the Master Emerald gave him purpose when had nothing but corpses surrounding him, no wonder it's so hard to drop the urgency

tags: character study, angst

authors note: a gift for the wonderful @ohposhers because i missed their birthday by A Very Large Margin and wanted to write them a fic regardless, hope everyone enjoys

How long has it been since he started doing this?

...

. . .

.  .  .

Yeah, too long.

Knuckles shrugs just enough to return feeling to his arms. He doesn't stand up though. It's his resting day, where he allows himself to sit instead of pace circles around the Master Emerald.

He should go find food.

Or water.

It's been a while since he last did so.

Maybe he should've given himself breaks more often then once a day.

But what if it happens again?

Eggman, Robotnik, whatever the people call him now, what if he returns? Comes back for a second shot at getting the Master Emerald?

What if he succeeds?

No!

Fuck, no, bad thoughts. It won't happen again, he's better than that now. Nothing will ever touch the Master Emerald again unless it's his own two paws or someone who he dearly trusts.

He stands up and paces circles around the Master Emerald. He just needs to get it out of his head, doubts, fears, worries, he's better now.

The telltale sound of wings flapping alert him and he finds Rouge dropping down. In her arms is Shadow, being carried similarly to a cat with one hand under each of his arms. She places down Shadow and drops down beside him with a small flourish as usual.

"Knuckles, why are you still here?" Shadow asked.

Knuckles scoffed, "I'm doing my job, why aren't you doing yours?"

"We were supposed to meet up at one of the cafe's today for a drink, sweetheart," Rouge said.

Knuckles faltered.

That was today?

He should get a calendar, or a more accurate tell of time. He doesn't even know how old he is in an exact number these days, just the rough estimation from Tails' DNA test. There is no exact date of birth, so he chose January first, an easy one to remember.

"What's wrong with you?" Shadow questioned as he stepped closer.

"It slipped my mind," Knuckles said. He was lying through his teeth and everyone knew it.

Shadow quirked a brow.

So did Rouge.

"I have to guard the Master Emerald-"

Rouge bit back at his statement, "No you don't. Nobody wants to steal it anymore."

"You do, for starters."

"And? Who else?"

Again, Knuckles goes silent.

"That's what we thought," Shadow said rather curtly.

"Sorry for forgetting, it won't happen again."

He knows that's a lie.

He knows his mind is still full of worries about the emerald. That he'll never truly be able to empty it and leave behind the need to protect the emerald. He knows he's a dog in that aspect.

"You better not, we were all looking forward to hanging out with you sweetie," Rouge said with a bit of a pout.

"Don't forget that you have a mission with Sonic tomorrow," Shadow said.

Rouge elbowed him, "Ease up, don't be so snappy."

"I'll do better next time."

-/-/-/-

Knuckles doesn't do better.

He swears he tries too, but everything just sort of, falls out of his brain. There was one little scare, a stray degraded beebot made its way onto the island. It had no real directive or drive to move to obtain the Master Emerald but it sets off every single alarm inside of Knuckles' head.

He just reverts.

All of his knowledge remains but it's shoved aside and replaced by an instinct to hunt and herd and protect. He does laps of the entire island, scouring for anything that could be out of place. He knows logically he doesn't need to, that it was just a leftover stray badnik.

But deep in the recesses of a mind molded to one purpose since he was naught but a child, he needs to do this. And he can't deny his instinct, he never could.

-/-/-/-

Shadow finds him passed out by a creek in the Mushroom Hill's. It just looks like he collapsed. Face down on the mossy grass and body splayed out like he's dead.

"Rouge! I found him!" Shadow called out.

In mere moments Rouge came crashing down from between mushrooms that threatened to bounce her back. She brushes herself down before standing at attention. With a brief glance at Knuckles' her cockiness evaporates. "I think we should be worried."

"Our mission-"

"He's passed out on the ground something happened to him!" Rouge snapped, pressing a gloved paw to Shadow's chest to nudge him back, "He's your partner, start acting like it. Cut him some slack."

Shadow huffed, "Fine."

Rouge crouches down and shakes Knuckles' awake.

He's groggy and slow to gain his senses again. His body is strained. Fuck he didn't actually get any water before passing out, did he? He scrambles to the creeks edge on auto-pilot and near fully submerges his snout.

With a heady gasp he resurfaces.

"Finally awake?" Shadow asked.

Knuckles snaps over to face him.

"What happened, red?" Rouge asked. There's a near pitying look on her face, one of worry.

"Badnik, Master Emerald," Knuckles said. He was still hacking on taking in too much water. "You know how it is."

"One Badnik?"

"They're like bugs, if you see one there's bound to be a hundred."

"Was there a hundred?" Shadow asked before taking a seat on the dirt. Rouge followed suit.

Knuckles shook his head, "I still had lap Angel Island to be sure."

Rouge felt worry build faster in her stomach, "How many times did you lap it?"

Knuckles shrugged. "Enough."

"Until you passed out, is how many times," Shadow corrected, "You need a vacation."

"That Badnik only further proves why I can't leave my post even once," Knuckles said. He didn't know why he was arguing in favor of this awful cycle. He had to. He had duty. He had purpose. This was his existence. He can't abandon, not now, not after it's been proven it has a point again.

For a stagnant moment both Rouge and Shadow are silence, then Rouge speaks.

"We'll stay with you then." She speaks with finality to her tone, "If you can't visit us off island then we'll visit you on island and protect the emerald with you."

"You just want to steal it like you always do," Knuckles spat.

Rouge scoffed, "Please, there are far bigger fish to fry than a thing like The Master Emerald."

"Even if you kick her out, I'm still staying here to guard it with you," Shadow tacked on.

"It's not your job."

"It will be."

"It will never be your duty the way it's my duty."

-/-/-/-

They still come to pester him daily on his laps.

He still tries to ward them off out of an instinct then real conviction towards them. He loves them too much to actually want to get rid of them. He still can't kill the thing in his head that says that anyone with sentience stepping foot on the island wants the worst.

That won't stop them from bothering him non-stop regardless.

"We brought you some grape jello," Rouge stated as she handed the cling-wrapped bowl to Knuckles.

"And a blanket for your hammock hut you have set up out in the woods," Shadow tacked on as he tossed a crocheted blanket at Knuckles. It consisted of muted hues of reds, blacks, pinks, blues- nearly the entire rainbow really. "Everyone wanted to pitch in and cast a few rows of their own color."

Knuckles wrapped himself up in the blanket, "That's sweet."

"Do you think we could help you guard the Emerald yet?" Rouge asked, "Robotnik is back out."

Knuckles paused before nodding, "Yeah, you guys can help if you really want to."

Rouge grinned, "I hope your hut has room for two more hammocks then, cause if it doesn't we're all dogpiling."

[aliorsboxostuff]

hey there! love your work. was wondering if you could do an overstimulated neurodivergent/autistic reader hurt+comfort with tangerine boyfriend? if youre uncomfortable writing that its okay just an idea!!! have a nice day :)

A/N: ABSOLUTELY ANON yk im somewhat of a neurodivergent myself aha. And while I'd like to say i'm experienced with writing these sort of fics, each and every one of us experiences overstimulation differently, so in this fic, i want to take the idea of Social Overstim (Where you're used to follow a specific pattern or schedule in a day but it suddenly doesn't go the way it should've) Enjoy y'all!

Pulse

TANGERINE X M!READER

tags: Tangerine x m!Reader, autistic!Reader, soft!Tangerine, domesticity, panic attacks, overstim (and not the good kind :[ ), hurt-comfort, cuddling

What happens when your usually efficient schedule turns on its axis, so now it's up to Tangerine to take care of you.

—

you prided myself on being an efficient and vigilant intel agent. You weren't necessarily the tidiest; with your reports usually being bull points of highlighted information squished together with habits your nitpick from the target, but you send them on time and with enough information, so, the title goes. Efficient and vigilant. 

The agency has benefited from your intel multiple times, making you the head of the agency's intel program. You remembered the ceremony when they promoted you; Tangerine and Lemon stood behind the crowd of executives, proud smiles on both of their faces. You could never forget the way Tangerine pulled you aside and gave you a bone crunching hug, not to mention the soul sucking blowjob later that night. 

Your brain's functions simply; follow schedules, add chores that needs to be done for the day, don't forget to kiss Tangerine goodbye for the morning, and do hobbies after work. Each and every day, you follow that specific pattern of events in order to maximize your productivity. Maybe that's why you were efficient, you have a schedule and that schedule must be followed.

Today isn't any different.

You awake minutes before Tangerines, soaking up the warmth of your boyfriends bare chest while you study the little details on his serene structure. The slight flutter of his lashes, sharp bones shape the devastatingly beautiful face of his, parted lips that tempt you to kiss them, even down to his mustache, slightly askew from moving around at night. You smile, pressing a kiss to your boyfriend's temple before sliding out of the bed and padding into the bathroom.

You took your time getting ready after a shower, spraying your favorite cologne before combing back your hair, the suit you laid out last night already worn as today's armor. 

When you exit the bathroom, Tangerine is still sleeping soundly, though his position has changed. He's no longer on his side, opting to curl in on himself and cuddle your pillow, grumbling slightly. When it was the start of your relationship, you were worried Tan was having nightmares with the way he clings to your leftover scent, but now you know he's just missing you in bed so he acts as a sponge to the smell on your pillow. You chuckle as you walk past him, opening the bedroom door softly to walk into the apartment.

You set yourself on making him breakfast, as usual. The coffee maker is already running so you scour the fridge for breakfast items. You noticed the eggs have run out, and so has the pancake mix. You'll have to add that to the grocery list. For now, breakfast will have to be toast with butter. 

When you've pressed down on the toaster and started to work on your beverage of choice, you hear a slew of swears, before the steady thrum of the shower follows, notifying you of your boyfriend's awakening. 

Sure enough, not long after you've settled on the kitchen island with two plates of toast and sipping on your mug, Tangerine walks out ready for the day. Immaculate suit accentuates your boyfriend's lean body as he saunters to the island, crisp gray suit and pants, sleek tie in place, equipped with his shoulder holsters that pushes at his dress shirt making you look away in order to avoid a tight pants. taking his seat next to you, he kisses you with a mumble of "Good morning" before he starts eating.

When you've finished your plate and placed them in the sink, precisely on time; Lemon comes barging into yours and Tangerines apartment with a cheer. "Morning brotha's!" 

He slips next to Tangerine, steals a toast, before he starts debriefing the man with any and all upcoming missions, against his will of course. He doesn't mind, it's the way the twins start their morning, so it has become a part of yours and Tan's routine.

While Lemon gives Tangerine a choice of either going to Prouge or Jakarta for their next mission,—"Because we're ain't goin' to Germany again mate,"—You got your case ready, umbrella in hand.

"Don't forget your dagger belt and extra ammo dear, I've shined your favorite butterfly knife and left it on the dresser so bring that too alright?" Stepping around the boys as you made sure you've strapped on your watch and rings, before passing behind Tangerine and pressing a short kiss on his lips, earning a smile from the brunette, and patting Lemon on the back before you make your way to the hallway leading to the door. 

Last check for any stray hair strands before you deemed it sufficient, and slip on your work shoes. 

"Have a great day love! See you tonight!" Tangerine calls. You couldn't help the familiar smile.

"You too dear, love you!"

"Love ya' too!" And the door closes behind you.

The start of the day is like any other, setting up for another perfect day.

—

Is what you would say, if it did turn out per scheduled. 

When you arrived at work, at your usual time which is 8 AM sharp, you fellow intel agents seemed on edge as you made your way to your desk. Not a minute passes before an alarm rings, indicating a mission gone rogue and a number of Intel agents are needed on their desk. An emergency you anticipated of course, if it weren't for the multiple rogue missions, needing every agent on deck.

So you spent the better half of the morning making sure Lioness—a rookie agent that transferred from the Philippines—did not get shot in an alleyway in Europe and finally secured at her extractions site. The whole time you needed you constantly spin a pen in your hand in order to maintain focus. 

Another half of the day was spent compiling all of the lost files from the rogue missions and making sure your coworkers were compiling theirs, asking them to send it to you once they have. Hence, another 3 hours in front of your monitor while you organize each and every incident report, damages and expenses needed to be covered by the agency. 

When you finally have time for yourself, the clock strikes 3 PM which is already past lunch, but despite it all you still walked to the cafe to get your usual meal. You'd usually order yourself a cup of coffee and a pastry of your choice, the thought of a sweet baked goods to fix the day excited you. 

When you arrived at the cafe, sadly what's only available was your coffee since their baker has fallen sick today, so the cafe is unable to provide any pastries. You smile, says it's alright, and took your coffee back to your desk. 

5 PM rolls around, your coworkers begins filling out of their work areas. You packed your case, made sure to throw out any trash that was on your desk, and follow the others as they make their way to the elevator and up. Once on the surface, you said your goodbyes and head home.

On the train ride home, it was oddly crowded that what you're used to. People lining up and pushing you until somehow you ended up in the middle of it all, holding on for dear life. Maybe you've miscalculated the time you went home because it's never this crowded, never this humid. A miscalculation, of course.

"Honey, I'm home," You called, hearing Tangerine shuffle inside the house.

"Kitchen!" He relies, clearly engrossed in whatever dinner item he's making. You slip off your work shoes and loosen your tie, oddly enough you feel it as if it's choking you. While you walk through the hallway shedding your jacket, Tangerine, with his pink 'kiss the cook' apron, peaks his head from behind the opened fridge doors. "Are we outta eggs?" 

Fuck, the eggs! And the pancakes, and the… I was supposed to go grocery shopping today. Shit! Why did i… no, fuck, i forgot i-

"Hey, hey, darling?" You blink, blurry vision unable to identify the person in front of you, though the velvety voice gives you an idea. "Love, angel, are you alright?" His voice wavers, worried. Why was Tangerine worried?

Strong hands hold your arms, not pushing or pulling, just there. Slowly, blinking the droplets away until they run down your cheek, you make out the striking blue and adorable curls in front of you. His brows are furrowed, bowing until he reaches your level. Slowly. painstakingly slow, he leads you to the couch until you've sat, then he cradles your head into the crook of his neck, the sudden scent of Tangerine—Your Tangerine—makes you slightly dizzy. 

"Slowly, my dear, focus on my pulse," He whispers, running gentle hands through your hair, pulling you closer. You breathe in, the smell of sandalwood and cigarettes and Tangerine fills your lungs. Breathing out, you feel the steady pulse of your boyfriends under your ear. "There we are," He continues to comb your hair, occasionally rubbing at your nape, down to your back.

"I…" You began, before tears spilled over and you had to hiccup and force yourself to inhale in order to not choke on yourself. Tangerine holds you through it. "I'm sorry it's…" 

"Don't apologize love, it's alright," You inhale, shakily you find the energy to crawl into Tangerine's lap, your boyfriend hauling the rest of your weight into his lap until you sit comfortably. 

"Tired…" You finally managed through ragged breath. "Everything was… wrong. Too much,"

"Okay. Alright angel," He cuddles you closer until you hear the beat of his heart, your head against his chest, large hands securing your back and rubbing gently. The wall broke. Thick droplets run down your cheeks, your breath coming in short as you bury your face into your boyfriend's shirt. Knuckles white as you cling to the fabric, quivers wreck your whole frame. You try to inhale, only to sob and double over, curling in on yourself while trying to burrow deeper into Tangerine's warmth, become one and leave the living because everything is too much. 

Tangerine holds you through it, a steady rhythm of heartbeats and rubbing soothingly up and down your back. Occasionally, he runs his hands through your locks, untangling the stress of today. He waits, oh so patiently. until your breathing slowly comes back around, your body's shaking subsides and the tears are dried into sniffles. 

"Alright?" His voice lulls you, you meekly nod in response. Tangerine nods back, before he stands up with you in his arms, making you jump and wrap around his neck.

"Tan!" You chuckle into his curls, the man simply hums as he walks through the house, carrying you bridal style. "What are you doing!" 

"Takin' care of ya. Obviously, dinner can wait, but you my dear," He stops, blue eyes meet yours. "Can not wait." 

He unceremoniously dumped you on the bed, making you giggle. He drapes the comforter on you and fluffs the pillow. "M'gonna grab some water and a snack, be right back alright luv," 

Oh, does his accent get thicker when he's sappy like this? You thought, which made you grin into the pillow you're currently hugging.

True to his words, Tangerine comes back with 2 bottles of water and your favorite chips, the ones you saved for movie nights when you and your boyfriend get the chance. He places them on the nightstand before stripping his shirt, your eyes rakes the expanse of Tangerine's defined abdomen.

"Let's get you outta these yea?" He gestures to what's left of your suit. 

"Oh! right, yeah," You shimmy out of your vest and dress shirt, then your pants, leaving you bare with your undershirt and boxers. 

"You want a sweater or a hoodie tonight?" Tangerine rummages through the dresser, his brows furrowed in search of your chosen article.

"Sweater, i think," He nods, grabbing one of your softer ones and helping you settle in them. Once you are nestled in the cocoon of pillows and blankets, Tangerine joins the pile and wraps his arms from behind you, pulling your body until you're settled between his legs. You sigh, arching your head until it rests on your boyfriend's strong shoulders.

"I know how important your schedule is," He runs his fingers through your hair. "And how overwhelmed you can get,"

"Tomorrow, we'll take a break from our pattern, spend a day at home, yea?" 

"What about your mission?"

"I'd drop the whole world to spend time with you, the mission can kiss my arse," 

You spend the rest of the night talking about your day to Tangerine, your boyfriend listening intently and answering if needed. He also explained the briefing with Lemon and what his next missions entails, when he's going to leave and with who. But honestly, you could care less about when your boyfriend is leaving if he's currently spending his precious time pampering you.

[irkimatsu]

Hi Irk!! I saw your earlier posts about feeling crummy over seeing certain hot takes in the fandom about Husk and how his relationship with sex in the series will be depicted—I hope you're doing okay now. Frankly, the idea that Husk has to abstain from sex on Angel's behalf is odd to me, especially as someone who's also dealing with sexual trauma. Survivors can reclaim their sexuality! Plus, from what we've seen from the show—Husk seems like the type of guy who would be willing to take things slow and work through unpacking heavy baggage together. And hey, if he could do that for Angel, I'd say he would extend that same love and tenderness to you! I do very much relate to feeling bonkers over my attachments with fictional characters though. I get insecure at times because I feel like I could never be Angel's type due to being multigendered and genderfluid </3

Oh and for the fic ask—I think it was the one where Husk pours whiskey on reader's breasts that I read first from you that I really liked. That one was sooo good holy fuck.

- ⭐ blue-dream-boye

Thank you so much for the message! <3 A big part of my worry is the feeling that I have no right to speak on sexual trauma at all. My history with sexual trauma, if it can even be called that, is mild - never directly victimized, just exposed to tons of shit I was way too young for, with a heaping scoop of Catholic hypocrisy on top. I'm almost positive all that shaped my sexuality into whatever the hell it is now, but whether it's trauma and whether I have any rights to speak on such things, God only knows.

(This isn't even my first fandom where I had to figure this out - last fandom I was in had a suicidal porn star character shipped with a main character. She was just a one-off, but she's immensely popular, I love her and wanted to write more about her but never felt like I could get it right... lingering anxiety from that, maybe?)

I absolutely do feel like Husk can take good care of Angel, taking things slow with sex and making sure he's comfortable. But I also don't want to strip kink from the equation, you know? I still want Angel to enjoy kink with an observant dom who listens to his signs, spoken or otherwise. I really don't like playing into "bad people have icky kinks, good people who are really in love have missionary with the lights off." But then the sex-negative bug gets in my brain and I feel like a weirdo for thinking that being able to safely communicate stuff like kinks is important. I want Husk to have kinks! I don't want his personal growth to require him to give them up! Of course he wouldn't engage in anything Angel doesn't want, but don't make the fact of Husk wanting it inherently be some sort of moral failing!

Angel's attraction... that's another thing I always tread lightly around, since I'm not at all a gay man. Still, regardless of his canon gender and sexuality, labels can always be fluid, and quite frankly I'm also of the opinion that a fan changing a character's sexuality does not take away from representation because the canon material is still right there. Making him straight for homophobic reasons would of course be nasty, but having him experiment with his attractions for the sake of shipping? Go nuts! But as someone who tries to go nuts but gets caught up in "yes, but would he really", I do get the difficulty...

Aside from all the weird anxiety nonsense, thank you so much for the comment on the fic! <3 That whiskey fic was tons of fun to write, still one of my favorites, and I'd love to write that kink again sometime! I love the idea of Husk enjoying exploring every inch of his partner with his tongue...

[youremarvelous]

I followed you for your yoi fics in 2018.

we are no longer into the same things and we're in very different fandoms now, and if I'm being honest, I don't really care about yoi all that much anymore (if at all).

but I just wanted you to know that to this day, you and your writing contiue to be an inspiration to me. I'm too shy to say who I am, but I've been creating all sorts of stuff for my fandom, and part of why I got the courage to even do so is because I was just so inspired by you and your love for your craft, and how good you are at what you do. I'll always treasure those little moments I had reading your stuff, and the joy I felt while reading them: whether it was at 3am hiding under the blankets, or otw home from my first job, waiting in line for the bus.

anyway, I hope this didn't come off as creepy, and I apologize if it did. but I guess what I wanted to say is thank you for sharing your writing with us, and I hope you're doing well <3

I'm sorry it took me a while to respond to this, and I hope it didn't make you feel insecure for sending it because this truly means so, so much to me. honestly, times have been tough lately. I've been...well, really fucking depressed, and with that comes a lot of feelings of self-doubt and self-deprecation. I've been wanting to write, but aside from feeling like I have a black hole for a brain right now, I keep thinking...what's the point because no one cares, I'm not good at it, and it doesn't matter, anyway. to know my writing meant something to you - more importantly, that it inspired to work on your own craft - is priceless.

thank you for sending this to me. I know it's uncomfortable being sincere, but it's not creepy at all and so very appreciated. <3

[tododeku-or-bust]

Patrochilles and Parenthood (all fics in the series) +

how you came up with it

the writing process

something deleted

fav part

a challenge

how you thought people would respond

how they did

something you wish you'd done differently

something you're proud to have accomplished

I assume you mean the series as a whole vs each single one in the series, bc what's going to be a long answer would be even longer lmao. Okay!

ASK GAME

Q1: Well first, i was just thinking about Philia bc I was having baby fever lmao. Babies ain't cheap, so writing it is! Half jokes aside, what I really loved was the idea of exploring a more mature Achilles, as he is in Hades after the events of The Iliad. The idea that this man, forced into maturity from terrible decisions and trauma, having found he's a great mentor with Zagreus, how would this man behave with his and Patroclus' child, were he so blessed with one? He doesn't really like remembering what happened with Zagreus unless forced, but it's different when every day he has to look into his daughter's eyes- his own eyes. It's how all of his actions in his life would come back to him, recontextualized (e.g. Agamemnon and Iphigenia), as he tries to navigate his daughter to make better choices. To be better. It also helps to show how he is growing, healing, and becoming a better person. Essentially it's a character study of a "middle aged" Achilles, and Patroclus as well to a smaller degree, through parenting.

Over time though, as I began to flesh Philia herself out as a character, I decided to also explore my own love and care for Black girls through her, both in fiction and in reality. About how I wanted her to be a happy, safe, beloved child, about what their love and decisions mean to her and how what they do have an important effect on her. So often, if Black girls even get to be in the narrative at all, we're ignored, or treated like the 'mean tough bitch' that moms everyone else in the fancast, adultified just as in life. I wanted to let Philia be a child. I wanted to show that Philia is very strong, but that her inner strength comes from her community and her ability to seek support from them, no matter what age. She knows she can take risks and learn bc the love she receives is unconditional. That's something I wanted my readers to internalize, an unconditional love for a Black girl.

Q2: I kind of went into it in the first answer lmao. Got excited. Oops. A little more on it then! Tbh, in the beginning, it was just more my own headcanons elaborated on. I didn't really have like a "singular thread" connecting them until I got to Perspective- that's why Prophecy feels so odd in the group; I was just writing to write. I intended on Philia's series being a sort of writing practice for me, since she's an OC, so that's how I treated it up to that point. But yeah I would be at work imagining all day then go home and put it together (that's how I write in general). I would often check both TSoA and The Iliad if I had reference or continuity concerns, to determine which path I wanted to take. Over time, there'd be enough in my outline to form a coherent story.

Q3: Something deleted. Hm. I can't really remember, tbh. I'm sure I deleted plenty of things, very often things get cut and either find somewhere new or get erased from my brain.

Q4: Oooh! Oh I have many favorite parts, I can't pick! Without taking too much time... Hmm... Phi, Kai, and Calix' dynamic and their powers for sure. I love these three kids who are essentially demigods running all around the underworld like its normal lmao. I love frazzled, worried dad Achilles. Him being stressed is half the fun. I especially love it when Patroclus, who is also growing happier and calmer, gets to tease him. That last scene of the last story, when he's teasing Achilles, makes me so happy bc it shows how the man he once was is finally shining through, the happy man who you once couldn't even see a glimpse of in Elysium.

Q5: A challenge for sure was convincing myself to write what I wanted, versus being worried about how others would perceive it. This was really big during Priorities. I knew that I was going to write Philia being (somewhat) in the wrong, lashing out, damaging her relationships, going through all the emotions of a confused, angry teenager who's fighting the world bc she can't understand why she's not included in it the way she thinks she's supposed to be. And I recognize that, in fiction and reality, people don't take kindly to Black girls doing that. God forbid we be human too 🤣 So my worry was that people would hate her bc this was the story where she would show that dark side. But then I realized, nah, imma do what I want. People hating is because of their own biases. As much as I'd like to, it's becoming clear to me I can't stop folks from choosing racism lol. So even though it annoys me, I'm glad I went through with my decision.

Q6: I did NAWT think people would care. It's a Black female OC. the ultimate triumvirate of "fandom don't give a shit".

Q7: I am SHOCKED by the response every time! Like today I saw Philia has 225 kudos?! Where did them people come from?? Y'all wanted to read my lil fic?! About my sweet girl?! So overjoyed! And I mean, interest petered off over time, which is fine! It's still more than the 15 max kudos I ever expected would come out of this experience!

Q8: I wish I'd explored more of Phi, Kai, and Calix outside of the major events of Perspective, Priorities and Perseverance. I mean, they do have three straight fics of interaction, but I do wish I'd just written them having a good ass time enjoying growing up. But that doesn't necessarily make for entertaining writing, when I can just imagine it in my head much more easily. Still, I'm sure it would have strengthened the writing.

Q9: shit, finishing the series as a whole! You couldn't have told me when I wrote Philia that it would be as well put together as it turned out to be! I'm also very proud of how the series ended; I struggled for a while to figure out how I wanted it to end after the events of Priorities. I almost didn't write it at all, didn't think anyone would come back or that it would be worth it. But I felt like Calix and Philia deserved a proper ending, one that was happy but open. (Then I saw Spiderverse and was reinvigorated bc yes! I saw themes that I was trying to write too!) I felt like if I wrote it for no one else, it should be for me, and it made me happy. I'm also just very proud of Philia herself. My girl makes me happy, I'm glad that I created her. So yeah 👍🏾☺️

I hope I answered your questions well lmao

[trashcanwithsprinkles]

hello again! it is i, the anon from not quite but nearly exactly a week ago, back again with even more lengthy stuff, if i may be so bold. although at this point i feel almost like it's a full letter, just anonymous and forcefully shoved into a mailbox from seemingly nowhere 💦

aside from me rereading cyanide narwhal the equivalent of maybe three or four times fully in the past week, dear author, your good writing convinced me to fully read one of your other zhongchi fics instead of doing art in my free time, like i wanted to. (there's not been a good uninterrupted free time for it yet, though. i still really want to. however first i'd like my mind to calm down and settle on a few specific ideas instead of looking at the Entire Fic and going "let's draw it" because that,,, in no way is that a starting point, brain,,,,) anyway,

i am not entirely sure where i was going with that train of thought but i must add that, unsurprisingly, your writing certainly did not disappoint. if i may put it this way: i find your writing to be very refreshing and tasty. as long as that doesn't sound weird...? also... i am not really much for shipping, not that i have anything against it; but it really does take some good writing for me to enjoy it, since i don't tend to think about it much myself, so there is also that. (needless to say, i did indeed enjoy it.)

anyway, back to the topic of cyanide narwhal, i do have to ask... what is ajax wearing in his various dreams? considering that they can occur in a few different places, and, well. i assume his outfits would also vary accordingly, at least to some extent. the abyss, the fatui, his parents' house, or some form of liyue- there's quite a significant difference between all of those, so unless the environment doesn't at all affect him in his dreams, i assume his outfit(s) would vary accordingly, to be at least somewhat suitable, if not be copied from the memories themselves (when the dreams are memories, which i get the impression of being a frequent occurrence? *smacks the bad somehow-not-nightmares-but-still-bad-dreams with a stick*). i don't know what to think or which to think is more likely? but i just have to know,, actually i'm curious about how often his outfit varies just in general, too, because that is something i am somewhat uncertain about, but i wanted to carefully search for mentions or at least hints of that before asking about it, and i haven't yet. for why must so many different details be so important to know confidently if i only have a simple wish to draw 😔

also my pov as someone who is something of a perfectionist because i loathe making mistakes on something i care for (read as: literally anything i put effort into, but especially things i very much care for, which includes anything hyperfixation related, and- yeah, you get the idea): *holds head in hands staring at/trying to imagine ajax's heist outfit in the few drawings/descriptions i can find* what does it look like from behind. is it still very similar to a fatui agent's. what extra details or differing details or embellishments. where is it the same. what is different. i can already see some small elements of his normal outfit in game, mostly very clear elements from the delusion phase outfit, and of course a large resemblance in the style to the fatui agent's outfit. i can't get a full full front view either but rear view is the one i have even less of an idea of. side?? side view?? his outfits in general just have so many details that being unable to know fully what specific mix of them is working together is- *pained noises, strongly overthinking every aspect imaginable*

(that isn't meant as a complaint of any sort, i'd manage even if i can't get more references. but for a person who usually struggles to even bother to use references, and that just sounds bad and lazy, because it probably is, but anyway, this is a weird feeling, to search for them so hard with difficulty :'D)

my dear we stand on the exact same boat (on the topic of perfectionism and obsessing over details) and so i both salute you and present you with a probably too overly-complicated answer that i hope will help you;

putting it under the cut to spare everyone's dash;;

Ajax' clothes in his dreams

you are correct in that, generally, if the dream is a memory then yes, he wears an approximation of what he was wearing in that memory, or straight-up the same outfit. if the getup in the memory is intact, like a memory of a normal day at the fatui, then he has the same outfit. but if the getup isn't intact, like- idk, a memory of a dangerous mission where his uniform got kinda torn, then he has an intact verison of the outfit instead. but if it is a memory too distant that the attire of back then wouldn't fit (ie. like a memory from the abyss) then he's wearing whatever he had on upon falling asleep.

so, as an example, in the dream he has of when he got kicked out of his parents' house (when they make snowmen with xiao), he would be wearing his sleeping clothes. this because, in the memory of the dream, ajax was 14 and therefore the clothes he'd had on back then would no longer fit his adult body.

if it is a dream that calls back to no memory in particular, then- whatever goes. i'd say most of the time he'd be wearing whatever he had on upon falling asleep, but some dreams are amalgamations of indistinct memories, and so he could be wearing any other outfit. like a randomizer if given options from his wardrobe.

(while we're on that topic, xiao's clothes in the dreams he enters are generally a variation/something similar to his everyday clothes, as oposed to whatever he fell asleep in. this is because xiao has a degree of control over the dreamscape (though minimal at this stage), and can thus alter how he presents himself – like when he first appeared to ajax as a sort of anemo shade/ghost)

2. do Ajax' outfits vary

yes. but also. i'm- rather embarrassed to admit it, even if i know it's fanfic and therefore not beholden to the level of perfection over minute details that a proper published book ought to be (what with most fanfic posting as it gets written, with little chance to go back and correct mistakes (i know you can, but i feel like i'm cheating everytime i have to do it even though it should be well within my right as the author;;)); but i, uh, may have completely forgotten about ajax' clothes.

so like. he arrives with his heist uniform (i'll get into that one in a bit for your other question dw <3), that i do remember. then he borrows clothes from morax a handful of times. but then guizhong takes him to a tailors? and like- gets him clothes? but for the life of me i cannot remember if i ever got around to writing them actually picking up or making use of those new clothes. like straight-up, i have no idea. it has just left my brain. like i know i could go back and try to find it but honestly? i feel like that's just not as important for the purposes of the story, even if it will forever grate on my consciousness. so, so they get clothes at the tailors, but i do remember it being like- we'll come pick those up once they're done, so ajax carries on using his heist uniform and morax' clothes in alternation. if i remembered to have them pick up the clothes, then he would've worn those only once or twice (i think??) before the whole snezhnaya trip and subsequent celestia spy mission happened. which. has seen him donning nothing but the heist uniform, so. for the past chapters, that's all he's been wearing. he has occasionally worn his hesit uniform but without the intricate coat, which is the same outfit he has in his brithday artwork but like- with black pants.

i apologize about the whole tailor's clothes situation but believe you me i'm more annoyed by it than any of you probably are (i doubt many of you care all that much about such an inconsequential little detail lmao)

3. heist uniform

it is indeed just a fatui pyro agent's attire from the game- but like, only the coat. i'm working under the assumption that our modern fatui don't wear that sort of stuff, even if their uniforms are indeed not as dull as any ordinary soldier's. so like- by comparison, a pyro agent's uniform (from the game - our game, not theirs) would look intricate and ornate. i know ajax has a ceremonial getup, the one from the lasso trailer, but 1) that got revealed as i was already several chapters into the story and 2) i assume that's like- for very formal events, not heists. so,

it's a pyro fatui agent's coat, but the red accents are all shades of black and grey. the back looks exactly the same as the in-game model does, i think. the only major difference that i can think of is that he doesn't wear the hood, and that he has his red scarf on. so like- take tartaglia's model and take the scarf portion apart (front and back), and put it on a pyro agent. that's it.

the clothes under the coat are his delusion design from the bossfight, only the vision at the belt remains the same hydro from his playable model.

so uh- i hope that was helpful? thank you so very much for venturing into another fic of mine, i hope you liked it as well <3

[believerindaydreams]

me: ok fine. if the problem is that you don't want to decide what bits Time Lords have, just write porn where you don't describe one of the participants

brain: say what

me: oh look I wrote fic

"Doctor," Sarah says sleepily, tugging at his curls.

He rolls over, back in her direction- she'd mentioned tiring of being squashed all the time, so tonight the Doctor's taken middle. Harry snoozes on his other side, warmly sheltered by lengths of knitting.

"Sarah Jane." As delighted and fresh as if he hasn't seen her for absolute ages. "I hope you're feeling quite as well as I do."

"How would I know," Sarah murmurs, nestling against his side. The flowered polyester wrap she'd been wearing has rucked up to her belly, but it's too slight to pose any real resistance. "Not a Time Lord, am I?"

"I could check." He helpfully places his head against her chest, ear pressed flat against her skin. The feel of his cheek is cool, not disagreeably so. "No, I don't think you could be. Not with that single heartbeat- mind you, it's quickening now."

"I couldn't imagine why," Sarah says, in the dry sarcastic tone that appeals to him so- the same one she'd been using about half an hour earlier, teasing him to come. "Are you licking again?"

"Not if I'm talking," the Doctor informs her with great satisfaction; and immediately resumes work on her bosom, his tongue tracing tiny circles around her nipples. She buries one hand in the nape of his neck, carefully tangling her fingers in the delectably soft strands.

"I say. Did you two get started again without me?"

"Not everyone wants to sleep all day, Harry." It's the sort of remark the Doctor would make if he was talking right now, and she doesn't want him to start.

"Well, that's not exactly fair. I mean, any ordinary man would have trouble keeping up with you two..."

"Do shut up," Sarah says, rather dreamily.

The Doctor's attentions are moving in a downwards direction, allowing Sarah a good view of Harry attempting to extract himself from the all-encompassing scarf. Stark naked otherwise, it's a screamingly funny sight and her body trembles with suppressed laughter.

"I'm not hurting you, am I?" the Doctor whispers.

"No, no, keep going," Sarah hisses.

He takes her at her word.

*****

There's a line chasing through Harry's head, something from Kipling probably- I've taken my fun where I've found it.

His companions certainly take that sentiment to heart. Here they are on a desolate space station, having nearly died half a dozen times today, and Sarah is acting quite as if they're in a palatial hotel suite. Instead they're on this cold metal floor, cushioned by his coat and the Doctor's corduroy jacket.

He strokes, somewhat tentatively, at the Doctor's back. This is the first time he's been in a relationship with a man (fumbles behind the bicycle shed don't count, surely) (the Doctor isn't so much a man, more a force of nature) (camaraderie under fire is an old naval tradition, of course)

he really is babbling at this point. And not even aloud.

With great care, he chooses a spot on the Doctor's shoulder- that seems safe enough, doesn't it? Presses his mouth against the deltoid muscle.

Harry's aware he isn't the world's finest kisser, but he's not altogether inexperienced either. Aside from fumbles, there was Esther: dainty blue dresses, soft-spoken, drawing room with the curtains closed. She'd given him reason to think he was at least passable in that department.

"Passable" is hardly the correct descriptor for the Doctor's joyous screech, with a full-bodied resonance that's all but deafening. Not altogether voluntary, Harry considers: the abrupt jerk of the vertebral column looks very much like an involuntary reflex.

"Harry. Don't do that."

Sarah Jane's laughter floats upwards. "You really ought to have told him, you know."

"Ought to? Do I have to recite every piddling anatomical difference before getting into bed with someone?"

The Doctor has turned all his attention on Harry, pulling and grasping and sucking, in ways he finds extremely difficult to get to grips with but rather enjoyable despite that.

"Something about nerve clusters in the shoulder," Sarah Jane calls. "He's awfully sensitive there."

"Oh, I see. A corpora cavernosa?"

"Something like that," the Doctor growls. The usual sort of madness in his eyes has faded to something more human than usual, not less. "My dear Harry- my very, very dear Harry-"

"Yes?" Harry asks; and then yelps as the Doctor's mouth closes around his cock.

The only word he can think of for the sensation is indecent: positively indecent. This is an act he's always associated with great delicacy, gentleness of touch coupled with nervousness and shaky hands, which is no more the Doctor's style here than in any other regard. Rather it's passionate, leaves no uncertainty about the extent or sincerity of the associated enthusiasm, and shifts his cock back and forth with tremendous jerking motions that quiver on the edge of pain without reaching it.

Ah, some detached part of his mind processes, that would explain why it's called jerking off.

He repeats this revelation as best he can, between gasps.

"Harry, you idiot," Sarah Jane says warmly. "That's masturbation."

"Oh."

Perhaps it's the frisson of femininity that brings him to climax, perhaps the Doctor's ministrations are solely accountable.

It is rather a comfort, that nobody is going to quiz him as to the precise cause.

*****

Perhaps, the Doctor considers, he should put a trifle more effort into remembering this sort of thing. He's almost positive humans don't really need sex, but then they don't need stuffed owls either and Sarah is very happy with hers.

New life, new body, who's to say things can't be different this time round-

"I wish I could hypnotize you," Sarah says out of the blue.

"Why bother," Harry mumbles. He's worked off some previous uncertainty to have adopted a sprawling all-over pose atop the Doctor, chest to chest and ankles draped on calves. It seems to be making him happy, which is nice. "You know I'd do anything for you, Sarah."

"I meant the Doctor."

"Ahhh," the Doctor says, as a stopgap while he spends an unusual amount of time processing the statement. "Yes. I only do it for your own good, you know."

"That's what's so terribly aggravating about it," Sarah says, and sticks her tongue out at his request for clarification.

Well. As a small puzzle in the mechanics of mental control, it could be interesting enough- "I suppose that by inducing your neural pathways to express volition while subsuming my own to minimal levels, it might be done-"

"Oh, would you?"

She does sound so enthused at the prospect; so he takes her face in his free hand (Harry's cuddling the other one), cradles it. "Think of nothing, Sarah. Think of nothing at all."

"But this is just like the other times," she starts to protest; which is a help instead of a hindrance this once.

"And now think of something," the Doctor says, disengaging his will.

Like floating underwater, in a state of blissful suffocation. Generally he doesn't have the luxury of appreciating the curious qualities of this state-

"I say, how do you know it's worked?"

"I know."

Her voice draws attention like clanging cymbals, the loveliest sound in all the worlds. "It's like he's sleeping in my mind. If I pulled the leash-"

"I say, old girl, no need to be smutty."

Her laughter is like the autumnal migration of brightly coloured frogs, like a handful of melting nonpareils, like a steam-driven puzzle box the size of a house. "Do you think you can describe what we've been doing without being smutty?"

"Erm, no. I suppose not. What are you going to do now?"

"I'm not altogether sure- I mean, I didn't think he'd really do it."

"Don't underestimate yourself," Harry advises. "Doctor, are you really under Sarah's control like that?"

If he had eyes in his mouth, he could watch it working of its own accord; but he doesn't so he can't. "Yes."

"Do handsprings? Sing? Say you're in love?"

"Harry," Sarah intercedes, then pauses. "Are you in love with us?"

He's fallen in love with everything from funny bits of broken architecture to the Trans-Jupiter train shuttle to the moonsglow on Arcturus Four. "Of course I am!"

"...I suppose that's all I wanted to know, really." Her small sigh could explain the whole of the cosmos, if he meditated on it long enough.

"Not going to make him do any party tricks?"

"I- I-" and he adores the stumbling hesitation, that this is what it takes to render her perplexed. "He wouldn't, though. The Doctor's never treated me like- a thing, when he's doing this."

"So no sailor's hornpipe."

"I wouldn't know how," the Doctor interjects. "I don't know everything yet, or what would be the point in travelling?"

"Be happy to teach you."

Sarah snorts at him. "Before you start, I'd better take this hypnosis off him- Doctor, how do I do that?"

Ten bewildered seconds later- "It's all right, Sarah. Don't worry about it."

"Oh good. I wouldn't have felt right about kissing you under the influence," Sarah says, and does.

(He's not at all clear how to undo it. Probably won't happen without the aid of his TARDIS, a bout of unconsciousness and possibly some of those wretched mental exercises they taught back at the Academy.)

Not the worst problem he's ever faced though.

After all. He trusts Sarah with his life.

[flydotnet]

All Will Be Fine (If You Say So)

WHUMPTOBER 2023, DAY 19: “I’ll take one final step, all you have to do is make me.” Floral Bouquet | Psychological | “I’m not as stupid as you think I am.”

This story won't make sense if you've never read The End of Kamoshida, at least until like chapter 8 or so. This story isn't meant to be read by people who don't have the context for it; so if you don't plan on reading TEOK ever (and I'd feel you, since that alone requires a bunch of HSAU knowledge the average JunYayo enjoyer doesn't have), then it's perhaps not in your best interest to read this one! I still appreciate you taking the time to read those notes.

This is a bit silly because, well… this is one of my best works for Whumptober 2023 lmao, since I managed to make it focused on whump affairs, kept it on track and made it snappy on top of it. So, uh… woops!

This fic is set between chapters 7 and 8 of TEOK, since Jun's lucid in this and not speaking in such broken Japanese I could've come up with it (albeit I wouldn't have shattered on purpose). It's an add-on about my ship of the moment because idk, I'm in the JunYayo mood lately, that's how it is sometimes. HSAU JunYayo is one of my fav dynamics to write to begin with, so it's never too hard for me to come up with ideas to write for them haha.

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All Will Be Fine (If You Say So)

Summary: Yayoi confronts her boyfriend about what the hell happened. It turns out not all is fine, at all.

Fandom: Your friendly neighbourhood high school AU (it's Captain Wing again)

Word Count: 1.2K words

AO3 version available here.

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The room is silent, aside from the regular beeps of the medical machinery. Jun has most certainly tried to explain to her what those doodads do, multiple times in fact, but she can never quite remember which does which. Well, she can read a heart monitor, that’s the one thing she’s had to learn to use on the fly over and over until it finally registered into her brain and never came out the other way.

She has a conflicted relationship with the heart monitor in his bedroom. On one hand, the fact it’s beeping regularly, without fault, is the sign he’s still alive and has come on top of what must’ve been one of the worst ways to almost go; but on the other, it’s a constant reminder that things have gone wrong, every beep is a kick back into her stomach, and nothing tells her it’s not going to flatline the next moment.

At least, today’s Jun is awake: even better, he’s lucid again, and watching her put flowers inside a vase.

“These are… white lilies, right?”

His voice is horribly hoarse, as if he had screamed and screamed for hours on hand; but it’s his voice, his words, a sign he’s still alive. She’s missed it so much.

“Yes, they are,” she replies as she adjusts the flowers.

“They mean… purity, if I’m not wrong.”

“In Hanakotoba, they do, yes.”

She goes to sit by his side once more, her hands a couple centimetres shy from holding his left. The pipe still going inside his arm makes it somewhat intimidating.

“Is something wrong, Yayoi?”

The question sounds like utter mockery. How couldn’t it? Even knowing this is a candid, caring question from the man she wants to build a life with even more so than ever, it hurts. She was so worried, almost sickeningly so, that the question being so nonchalant gives her whiplash.

Still, it’s no fault of Jun, she knows that. He did what he thought was best, even if it was reckless, despite how aware he was aware of the danger of what he was doing. He didn’t ask her about it, because he knew she’d have said no; why wouldn’t she? He was going off, on his own, against a man who would harm him in all sorts of ways she couldn’t fathom.

“I’m… I’ve been so worried for you, Jun,” she ends up responding after taking way too long not to seem suspicious.

“I imagine so. Things have been… hard on you, lately.”

“You could say that, yes.”

Her own words are filled with pain she doesn’t dare unleash, just because he’s the one who needs support at the moment. Who’d even put them ahead of someone who, even now, has a persistent, soaking cough. She’s never seen him so fragile before – so much closer to a porcelain statue than he’s ever been.

“I’ve not been awake for long,” he says, slowly, quietly, “so I’m still… finding my footing, so to speak.” He looks at her and even his gaze is a mussed blade. “But I can tell you’re hurt.”

“Of course I am, you almost got killed.”

Her fingers intermingle with his – his touch is hot, trembles in her hands.

“Ah… That’s true, yes.”

Frustration builds like mercury in a thermometer.

“Why do you sound so nonchalant about it?”

“It’ll be fine. You shouldn’t worry so much.” He clears his throat again. “I’m still alive, so you are. I’d rather see you smile.”

“But you almost died, Jun! That’s not something to take with a light heart!”

“Ha, light heart,” he chuckles in the middle of a cough. “It’s happened before, it’ll probably happen again. Nothing to worry about, I’m used to flirting with death.”

“It’s not a reason. Don’t you realize how bad this could’ve been…?”

She has the urge to cry. He doesn’t get it, he doesn’t get it!

“I assure, things will be fine by the end. When have they not?”

Without any fanfare, let alone a warning, ears now flow down from her eyes, blurring her view, tainting her voice; yet the words are clear as they leave her chest,

“I’m not as stupid as you think I am!”

She can’t quite see through the water veil, not to mention the sobs wracking her body in waves, but she can somehow guess – no, tell – Jun is staring back at her, perhaps with doe eyes, maybe unable to understand all of the sorrow he inflicted on her without realizing it, blissfully unaware of how badly he’s undermined it.

After all, he could understand it, he’d have already found a way to answer.

“I know what you’re trying to do, but this won’t work! I don’t think you realize how awful things have been for all of us, but especially for you. When I learned Kamoshida almost drowned you to death, I… I could barely register it. I thought that was it, that finally, someone got you. He could’ve taken your life, Jun! How do you think this has affected all of us?! You can tell me things you’ll be fine all you want, but you can’t believe in that either! Not after what happened!”

She takes a deep breath to both recover her voice and take some time to calm down – brush her tears away, tie back her hair. When the veil lets up and the waves of sorrow finally slow down, she’s greeted with soft eyes and a stronger press on her hand.

“You don’t look or sound fine,” she continues. “You’re still ill, you’re exhausted, and you’re shaken; an of course you’d be, you almost died in a horrible way! You must still be scared! You don’t need to pretend in front of me that you’re fine!”

Jun remains stunned, his heavy, congested breathing the only thing to come out of him for a long moment. Another urge swells inside her, this time to comfort him, cajole him until all is actually fine – which is naïve, so very naïve of her, for them, because they both know nothing’s fine at the moment.

So she settles for a good medium: carefully, she gets up from the chair and cups his face, taking in the heat of his skin, oh so bittersweet because it’s neither a dead man’s nor one of a healthy one. He doesn’t stop her, lets her kiss him on the forehead, leaving a slight trace of gloss behind it.

“You’re right, I’m not fine,” he tells her with a slightly more relaxed posture and tears in the corners of his eyes as well. “I’ve had nightmares about this pool and this… monster of a man…”

It’s his turn to divulge vulnerability, his body shaking and his already fickle breath trembling.

“Don’t hesitate to tell me, then.” His available hand lands on her wrist, telling her to stay. “We’re here for each other, aren’t we?”

“We are, yes.”

“Things will be fine, I’m sure, but let’s not pretend like we’re not going through hard times.”

He nods.

“I do have one question…”

“Hmm?”

He looks up at her, the tears still there but drying up.

“The lilies… You were trying to make a pun?”

She replies with a smile and another kiss, still on his forehead.

“Maybe.”

[etsuven]

☁️Christmas with Them☁️

i decided to write a fic with all the characters that you guys nominated (???) for the butler thing, aka kaeya, zhongli, thoma, and kazuha (albedo isnt included since he won and he's getting a fic of his own) and im including venti bc i love him and a little mini bullet only thing for scara bc i havent written for him before

I’m currently running on two hours of sleep I slept at 6:40 something and woke up around 8 it’s 11:31 at the time where I’m really getting into writing this and I’m so sleepy hhhhhhhh if anything seems out of place blame my lack of sleep brain

cw: i got a bit carried away with kaeya's, gets lower and lower in effort you shouldnt even read this omg im so sorry, turns into only bullet points in the end

◦◦,`°.✽✦✽.◦.✽✦✽.°`,◦◦

Kaeya

very fond of christmas

likes to hang up lots of mistletoe around your home so he can get an excuse to kiss you

but you know what he’s doing, so you make an effort to avoid him and every bit of mistletoe you see

eventually he begins to get desperate

he pulls you aside into a secluded place, burying his face in your neck as he complains about “how mean you were being”

“(y/n)…” kaeya dragged your name out, his voice muffled in the crook of your neck as you tried to keep your laugher in. “stop avoiding me…”

you sighed, running your fingers through your boyfriend’s dark hair. it was quite fun teasing him like this, though you had to admire that it did make you feel bad… not by much, though.

“you could have just told me if you wanted a kiss, darling!” you watched as kaeya looked at you, an adorable pout on his face that caused your laughs to finally escape you.

you placed a finger on his chin and pulled him close to you, watching in amusement as his eyes widened and he looked away in what seemed to be embarrassment.

“come on, ask…” the confidence in your voice could probably be heard from a mile away.

kaeya blinked once, then twice before looking you in the eyes, the slight smirk on his face seeming confident at first. but you knew better.

“could you kiss me?”

you smiled, leaning in closer with a whisper. “why, of course…”

Zhongli

doesn't really celebrate it, but he likes how... homey? liyue seems.

the atmosphere is really nice, and it gives off a sort of warm feeling that made a nostalgic feeling run through zhongli's heart

though he doesn't care much for it, he still wants to make you happy and see your smile

gives you a few presents that he had bought over the year that he thought you would like

"zhongli? what's this?" you glanced at the presents in your hand, looking back into your boyfriend's eyes. he looked back with a smile, quickly sitting beside you.

"it's your present. i saved up a bit of money from my paychecks... i hope you like them..." you gasped in excitement, eagerly taking off the wrapping paper off of one present to reveal something you had your eyes for quite a while now.

you looked at him in shock before practically throwing yourself at him, wrapping your arms around his tall frame. "zhongli, how did you..."

"you kept glancing at it whenever we passed that store, and besides" he placed a hand on your cheek, pulling you away from his body just enough so that he could kiss your forehead. "what kind of boyfriend would i be if i didn't get it for you?"

Venti

loves christmas!!

you guys wear matching pajamas and santa hats, and bother diluc in said pajamas and hats

the two of you do end up giving diluc a present as a sort of apology for bothering him through the entire year

venti likes making songs for you

gives you actual presents too don't worry

"how about this one?" you and venti were looking at pajamas, wondering which ones you should choose.\

"it has long sleeves!" venti complained. you glanced at him, crossing your arms. "and?..."

he pouted, leaning his forehead on your shoulder. "i hate sleeping in long sleeves! it's too constricting!" you sighed, patting his navy hair as you pointed to another matching set.

"here, how about this one..."

Kazuha

you live in inauzma, and he goes back to see you

finds that he quite misses the homey atmosphere.

like yeah, the have parties on the alcor, but it really isnt the same

embraces you as soon as he sees you, and he takes you to a private place (probably somewhere where the two of you first met) for a little date

Thoma

loves, loves, loves it! gives you lots of presents and kisses and it's fajmnfsandfkjds

gives you lots of presents because he feels that you deserve to be spoiled.

takes the day off to spend more time with you, and maybe the two of you will go out and feed those dogs he cares so dearly about.

Scaramouche

acts like he hates it.

rolls his eyes at the thought of it and its honestly kind of a downer. but wha- what is that?

is that a blushing scara with a present in his hands?? how cute, you cant help but tease him!

but scara thinks that the embarrassment is a small price to pay for your gorgeous smile

[katnissdoesnotfollowback]

We are not that curious about the two redheads. I repeat: WE ARE NOT THAT CURIOUS. (Please don't scald my eyes.) (Because if you write it, I'll have to read it.) (And then I'll have to live with it.)

I'm flattered (???) that your ask seems to imply that you view anything I write as a must read, but like... please don't blame me if you don't curate your own internet reading experience.

If I were to share this particular piece (and that's a big freaking IF right now), it would be posted with enough labels and tags that anyone who proceeds to read it should know what they're in for before they read. It would be posted entirely under a Read More and/or via a link to ao3 so that anyone who doesn't want to read it can simply... not click the link or the read more. That easy. I expect literally zero people to read anything that I write. In fact, if there's anyone who knows they won't like something I write based on the content tags, then I actually want them to keep scrolling by. I share my writing solely for the consumption of those who want to read it, and you know... I have friends on here who've told me that they won't read a certain piece or two of mine for XYZ reasons, and guess what? I can respect that. That's them following their boundaries, as they should. I might tease them for being a big baby (you know who you are and I still love you, ya big baby) because they're my friends, with whom I interact on a regular basis and regarding a whole hell of a lot more than just fandom or Everlark. They know I'm not mad about it. I have my own boundaries too when it comes to fic reading. So if you don't read for fear of scalding your eyes, I got zero problems with that. I hope you enjoy plenty of other things that I write instead. If you do venture forth, I hope it doesn't actually scald your eyes. If it does, don't blame me. You were warned.

I'm honestly having a bit of difficulty deciphering your motivations for sending this to me, in part because I feel like I don't know you that well. If it's meant to be a bit of teasing or a funny joke, then haha! But also maybe don't blame writers if you're unable to curate your own reading experience when things are properly tagged and hidden under Read Mores.

If your message is meant more to influence where I focus my writing efforts and guide it more towards what you want to read, then...

First of all, it's already written. And you still don't have to read it. It will not be a part of the story itself because that would make zero sense in terms of the story or writing conventions. Where the Stars is written third person, partial omniscience, focalized from Katniss's perspective. In order for me to put anything explicit with Peeta and the two redheads into the story, he or someone else, would have to tell her about it in explicit detail. That's not my plan. When it is discussed between them, it won't be explicitly detailed, but it is going to need to be discussed between them, if for no other reason that so Katniss can better understand what Peeta's been through the past five years.

I, however, am one of those writers who, when an idea takes hold of my brain, I WILL NOT be able to focus on literally anything else until I get it typed out in some format, be that notes, an outline, a roughly sketched scene or two... or as happened with Peeta and the redheads... I write the whole damn thing.

Part of it is a focus thing. A lot of times, I'll write in a frenzy and then it just sort of fizzles out, but then it's off my brain and I can shove it aside to focus on something else that I do wind up sharing. This is kind of what happened with Peeta and the redheads. There was no fizzling tho. It turned into a complete piece. I wrote a massive, explicit, standalone oneshot, and then when it was done, I wrote 3000 words for chapter 8, the next update, for Where the Stars. And I rearranged a lot of what I felt wasn't working in that chapter so that now, I'm pretty satisfied with how it's shaping up... And pretty much none of those 3000 words and none of that editing had anything directly to do with the two redheads. The six sentence sunday I posted on Monday is actually a result of that writing burst.

Part of it is a writing exercise. Sometimes, if I get stuck, going back to something that happened earlier, even something that happened before the story opens, helps me fine tune character details, future plot details, etc etc. Which is also what happened here. I was stuck. I've now got a better grasp on who exactly Where the Stars Peeta is and where he and Katniss need to go in their future relationship development from his perspective. Yes, all that from writing an extended smut piece that maybe three people will want to read and a lot of others will complain that it will scald their eyes.

But you know, I feel like actually writing it helped me move forward with an update faster than I otherwise would have. Truthfully, I have a LOT of pieces like that. Things that I've written to get me unstuck but that I don't share for a variety of reasons. Sometimes they're not finished or polished pieces. Sometimes because I'm not sure anyone would actually enjoy reading them. Sometimes because I don't particularly want to share them. Sometimes, they just don't fit in the framework of the main body of the story. This particular piece, however, does have at least a few people expressing interest in reading it. So maybe I share it one day for them, maybe I don't because I decide not to. Either way, if your message is intended to steer me towards writing and/or posting only what you want to read, then respectfully... stop. I am under no obligation to fulfill anyone's dream fic list, nor to avoid writing what one single person, or even a handful of people, doesn't want to read.

So thank you for the interest in my writing, and I hope to have the next chapter of Where the Stars (free of redheads with Peeta smut) ready to post here in the next few days. No eye scalding included.

<3 kdnfb

[funtarou]

Wishes || Kuroo x Reader

The Second Part of "Plans" || Kuroo x Reader" fic

Second part is here and I hope it's decent or maybe satisfying enough. Like wise, I'm rusty and still trying to regain my writing zone. Also I haven't throughly slowly proof-read this so-- Also also ya know, like wise, how I depict Kuroo has no guarantee that it's the actual Canon Kuroo, ya know. But I'm tryna get a bit close-

Story Warning: Angst, Comfort/hurt?, Human emotions are weird okay. There's one Sexual action but not described specifically. Still just incase, 13 year old below minors do not interact.

Writing Warning: Bad English grammar and possible spelling mistakes and wrong use of words. English is not my first language and I'm still tryna get back in writing groove.

Read part 1 here

Kuroo Tetsurou never expect such a dirty play from life. He though all of the dark side in life for him has already ran out the moment his mom stormed out of their house when he was a kid. He though it was already enough the moment he heard his own older sister said she doesn't want anything to do with him. He though it was satisfying enough for life to see him bid farewell to his friends back at his old neightbourhood. Maybe he's still naive to think that he won't be affected by any games life would play him after the things he need to went through in his early childhood. Even after it already forced him to think more maturely in a young age, and developed a sort of social anxiety in those younger days, there just seems to be more and more things life had planned for him.

But after witnessing a near-death experience, Your near death experience, he wish life would let him off the Hook. Because it was just too much.

It has been 96 hours since you were hit by the bastard with the car who drives away the next second. And despite already being treated, you still haven't wake up. The doctor said you'll be fine despite the injuries, but might experience headaches when waking up. But on the matter of when, it was still uncertain. For now it's best to let you rest, let your brain process the shock from the hit.

96 hours, and Kuroo still stays by your side. Only leaving on occasion to get some supplies he needs to stay at your hospital room. He hasn't attend his classes for the past four days yet, but has someone he's on good-terms with (and has the same classes as him) to give him notes and stuff that was taught at those classes. Kenma occasionally stopped by to give him food and check up on your condition too. A few of your friends and family also came for the same reason for the past four days.

Even though his heart ache and yearns for you to open your eyes, to know for sure that you'll be okay, he always tries to maintained a cold head. Despite the lingering fear that stays at the back of his head and the image of your frail body being hit and thrown to the side of the road, he put up a strong front. to himself and to the people around him. He has been focusing on his studies despite not present in classes, still maintaining a proper diet and sleep schedule. Acting normal, and trying to think everything is fine now that he knew you're treated and is going to be okay. He cant just go in deep depresso espresso mode now while you're unconcious. Because he knew you'd be upset if you wake up and found out he hasn't been taking care of himself. Another thing he always keep in mind is, that he cant let this bump in life ruined his plans. Not to mention he's nearing graduation if he Ace his essays and IP. He can get a job soon, a well-paid one if he works hard enough. Soon enough he can buy you the things you always dream of getting ever since highschool. He can already imagined the beaming in your eyes when he give it to you, one day.

Yeah. This is just a bump in life. Everyone Will eventually experience it at Times. Nothing is perfect, but that doesn't mean he cant stop trying to reach his future plans with you.

As Kuroo was typing on his laptop, sitting beside your bed with one hand on top of your hand, he sensed a sudden movement. His eyes quickly shot up from the device to your laying figure. He stays quiet for a few seconds, that is before he can feel the sudden broken movements of your fingers in his once again. He stand up, putting the laptop aside before putting another hand on your hand that had moved. Eyes slightly wide in anticipation for your own to open.

"... (Y/n)?"

He whispered, not wanting to startle you. The movement on your hand in his owns slowly became stronger, until it managed to lightly close in to a half fist and open again. Your eyelids trembles lightly, making an effort to open. But when it does, your orbs slowly land on him. He cant help himself, as he feels his vision getting blurry with the unintentional tears gathering up.

"Hey love... How are you feeling...?"

He softly and slowly questions, letting you process your conditions as he notices your eyes roaming around as if trying to understand where you are. And then he sees your eyes roaming at his figure, at your conjoined hands. And for some reason, the way your eyes looked at him, the way it moved as if analyzing him and the way your hand slightly shifted in his soft grip, gave him a bad feeling under the relief.

And it seems like Kuroo's gut feeling has always been spot on. For the words you weakly utter next Made his heart drop.

"... W-Who... Who are you...?"

And he wish you were pranking him at that moment.

2 years since the incident.

The day when you woke up, Kuroo called the doctors to check up on you. After going through some tests, the doctor concluded that the impact and shock from the accident Made you lost a big part of your memories. Your family was called the same day to received the information.

Ever since that day, Kuroo has been trying to rush your memories back. He's taking it slow, not wanting to pressure you and the recovery of your memories. He's been really supportive and optimis on making you remember your family, your friends, your life style, hobbies, and him. Gladly you still remember and can manage most of the things you learned at your major, and you returned back to campus a few days after you woke up. Now you've successfully graduated with an average but good scores. Yet due to not remembering your passion, you're not quiet sure what career you want to take, up until now. You've only been doing part-time jobs and online shops. Everything still feels unfamiliar to your head, yet strangely familiar in your chest.

After getting out of the hospital, You agreed on still staying with Kuroo at your shared apartment. Kuroo also persuaded your family that it might make you remember faster on your latest life style. And in a way, he has a point. Most of the stuffs you supposely enjoy and most of the things you use in your routines is in the apartment. The things back at your family house are the old things you didn't use and left when you moved out for college. In the end you spend those two years living in the same roof with him, someone who people told you is your lover of some years now.

For the past 2 years also, Kuroo tried giving you your space. He restrict himself from kissing you everytime he sees you. He tries to hold back on smushing you againts his chest. He lets you choose where you wanted to sleep, either it be the guest room or your shared bedroom. If you're not comfortable with him hugging you, like how you two used to do everyday, he'll make a distance from your side of the bed or sleep on another place. Through those Times, be tries to done the deeds on his own, not with anyone else, without you knowing too. It's been hard for him to locked up all of his swelling feelings and affections for you, yet he doesn't want to overwhelmed you. Not until you remember him, or maybe, developed the same compassion feelings for him as your new self.

But it seems like you've caughed on his hidden desperation for you. And if there's a side of you that stays, it's your need to return the favor he has been giving you. Afterall, he's the most supportive person you've met ever since you woke up. The one who let you stay at the apartment despite not remembering him, the one that pays for all your need with his new found job, the one that's with you through the twisted road for you to remember the people you love and cherished. And so that night, you confronted him.

"Please let me help, Kuroo."

Despite the sting in his heart when hearing you call him with his last name, he cant hold himself back. Afterall, saying no to you feels so heavy for him to do.

You felt familiar under his touch, under his warmth. And whatever he did to your body, you always response accordingly. He knew every parts of your body, every beauty and insecurities. He knew what to do, because before the incident it's not like you two were playing holy-boy holy-girl in your relationship.

There's this momenterally serotonin he felt when being connected with you once again. Seeing your raw emotions of pleasure and your body doing the talking. It feels like everything was back like how it was. Everything was normal, back when you would know every part of him as much as he does, back when you utter the words of love as much as he does. But, he described the feeling as "momenterally" for a reason.

You two spend the night, cuddled againts each other, or could also be said him pulling you close out of habbit. But after experiencing one of the world's pleasure with you again, he really just need to be slapped with a sour something.

"Kuroo... I don't think I could keep pretending..."

Because deep in your heart, Kuroo Tetsurou is still a stranger in your foggy head. To your old self, your old memories, he would be the man of your dreams, the man you wish would spend forever with you. But now everything is different. You tried to find that passion within you for him, it's not like it's that hard because he was an attractive man. Despite all that, you come to realized it feels wrong. You knew, you've been knowing of how he loves you with all his beings and existence, while you only stays and manifested your love for him through a facade and a form of "Pity" for his desperate heart. It fills your chest with aching guilt, feeling as if you're using him at his more vulnurable mental and emotional state.

One could say you utter your next words on panic and quite irrantional thinking. Yet it felt right at the back of your head, to let him break free from the past. To let yourself break free. Because your little heart cant keep this game much longer.

Yet, He wish you would for a little longer.

4 years passed by.

The whispering noises of the audiences are audible through the whole building. Some excited whispers, some casual talks. They're all waiting for you, not to mention the spiky haired JVA member.

His head hang low, looking down at the ground. Hands remains restless, patting his neat suit here and there and occasionally being put in his pant's socket. Beside him was Kenma, putting a hand behind his back and soothing his best friend.

Minutes passed by, and finally the slow music started playing, silently announcing to the people in the building of your soon arrival. The flower girl appeared from the door first, your nephew dressed In beautiful frilly white dress with flowers decorating. Her Tiny hands throwing the pastel mix colored petals as she skipped her way down the aisle. Some of your relatives coo'ed at her cute attics while throwing the flowers. And then when your form is visible In the room, all eyes are on you. Dolled up beautifully in your long white wedding attire, a thin veil lightly covering your face. You walked down the aisle, a family member holding one of your arm, accompanying you to your soon to be husband.

If someone were to ask what Kuroo Tetsurou though Angels looked like, he would describe this scene in front of him.

The scene was beautiful and breath-taking to Kuroo's eyes. Even Kenma can hear his tall friend's breath hitching for a second when his eyes land on you. Your face moved up, eyes locking at Kuroo's cat like ones as if on instinct. You two starred for a few seconds, before a small smile softly tugged at the edge of your glossed lips. But after that smile, you turned your head and tore your gaze away from his.

A drop of tear unconciously traveled down his face. Followed by another from his other eye, and then followed by a few more soon after. He's silently crying, holding on a sob as his hands formed in a fist shakingly. Kenma of cource notices this, as he glanced to his tall friend beside him. But he was unsure of what to do himself that can comfort his best friend, and so he continued rubbing (hopefully) comforting circles behind the taller male's back.

Afterall, Kenma doesn't think he's in a much better emotional state than Kuroo at this moment either. Where Kuroo cried on his realization of fully loosing you to another, Kenma hold tears of his mix emotions. Kenma's happy for you and your soon to be husband, but he cant help but sympathize with Kuroo. Afterall he's the only guy that has seen and hear you two go through all the hard and happy Times. It's always you three since grade school. Even though you and Kuroo formed a romantic relationship Along the way, you two never left Kenma behind and Kenma never stop supporting you two. And at this moment, Kenma is unsure how to feel with the whole ordeal. He wanted his best friend back together like before, but he doesn't want to force you in to it, not when you forgot all those happy and sad Times you three experienced together.

And as you reached the end of the aisle, a hand awaited to take yours in. A hand that was not Kuroo's, but someone whom he atleast knew at one point in life. Osamu Miya. The man you met and developed deep feelings for, after you left him back in Tokyo.

Kuroo thinks you're being subconciously quiet mercifull for him. If you were to marry someone you and him knew for years, it would be more painful for him to try and mask his sadness with a smiling face in false supportive-ness. And as he sat there in silent tears, he watch and listens to you ex-changing vows with the Kansai man you've chosen to plan your new future with.

He wish it was him again. He wish he has that privilages to be a part of your future again.

Afterall he already planned everything beforehand.

As Osamu slipped the gold ring through your delicate finger, Kuroo's mind went back to a few days a go. Where he had found a neatly wrapped letter in his mailbox. He wished he didn't come when you had sent him a wedding invitation. But years of not seeing you nor ex-changing much conversation through text, could add to the factor on how desperate he is to remain in contact with you. Even after years, He's not used to being so far away like this yet.

His cat like eyes bore on to the piece of decorated paper.

How he wish it was his name written there beside yours.

5 years has passed by since the wedding.

After the ceremony Kuroo only greeted a few familiar faces and then silently leave with Kenma. For some reason Kuroo doesn't have it in him to face you, nor say his congratulations for you. He doesn't feel like tugging a smile for you at all that day. He hoped you didn't dechiper his emotionless face as something bad.

Now he's sitting in quietly, looking at the stars above him. Behind him can be seen a wooden cabin he had rent for a small nature trip, by himself. He thinks maybe he needs it, to atleast distract himself from the though of you. Honestly the first thing that dragged him to nature and disconnect with technology, is when he sees a picture being posted by Osamu Miya and shared by Atsumu on his social account. A picture of you and your 3 year old daughter with Osamu, smiling happily as it seems the three of you are eating at Onigiri Miya.

But for some reason, having his time within the fresh air of the mountains and therapeutic noises of the forest surrounding him, only Made his thoughs Drifts further on you. He though that your love is truly for him. He though that maybe he does deserve "forever". Maybe he shouldn't expect so much back then. There was never been a perfect love story from the beginning and he should've seen it coming. Even if all the odds around him seems to lead him on thinking "yes you two are meant together", maybe it's just another one of life's trial. He kept thinking like that through the 5 years.

Crouching down, Kuroo grabbed a small gasoline can that was placed beside his leg. He walked further to the wild, the backyard of the cabin, nearing a cliff where in the morning the breath-taking view of the waterfall and field can be seen. From his inside jacket pocket, he pulled out a paper file. When opening the file, it can be seen there are several papers within it and one quiet thick handmake-shift book.

He took a seat on the dirt, not minding some dust getting on his already dirty pants from the previous hike he had. One by one, his eyes wander off through the pieces of paper in the file, reading his small writings on it before dropping it to the ground in front of him. Until all the paper has been read lightly and dropped on the ground, he moved to the book. He only ever took the moment to fully and slowly read the words on the first date of the book. The date where he finally mustered the courage to confess his long-time feelings for you, and the date where he found out you also felt the same. Felt.

He schemed through the rest of the page, rather carelessly. Because he knew if he ever took the time to read each and every single plans he had for you and him, he would spend the rest of the night in tears. Heck maybe he couldn't even sleep seeing how many he wrote in the past.

Finally he reached the last page with his writings on it. His saving plans to buy you a ring. His written plan of how he was going to pull one of the best proposal action, only for you. Seems like all of that is for nothing now.

Kuroo closed the book, dropping it down with the other papers on the dirty ground. Standing up, he stretched his limbs lightly before moving to grab and open the gasoline can. Pouring all over the papers and book, not leaving any surfaces untouched, until all the papers are nicely soaked. After he emptied the gasoline can, he pulled a box of matches out from his pant's pocket.

He lights one up and throw it at the pile of papers. It went out before it could touch the wet surface, which Made Kuroo clicked his tongue in annoyence. He lights up another one, but this one went out in his hand when a sudden gush of wind hit his face. He groans in silent frustration.

'Now nature wants to hold me back?'

Was his first though.

He tries one more time. Lighting up a match, but this time dragging it down and guiding it to touch the surface of the papers. This time it finally lights up the flames on the paper. He sight contently, standing back up to see how the fire slowly covered and burns every pieces of papers and the book. Soon enough, the small fire turned in to a camp fire with the amount of fuels given to it.

The mountain around this place is quiet, especially at this time of the night. The only thing prominently audiable to the spiky haired male at the moment are the sound of the fire eating the papers.

And just like that his future plans are all ruined by the flames. The flames in front of him right now, and the flames of lingering love he still has for you. Just this week he figured he should destroy the pieces of papers that still Remind him of the old Times with you, so that he could move forward. He's in his late twenties already, he needs to get over with things and start looking up for his own future. No matter how lonely it seems like without you by his side.

He wish in another life, he could have the privilages to plan a future with you once again.

And maybe if that time does happen, he wish that everything wasn't just mere plans and wishes.

If he were to be given another chance, in another time or another universe,

He'll make sure to make every wish and plans he had in this life, a reality.

A solid reality of you and him.

But for this life, it seems like it was never meant to be.

- End

A/N: I hope I delivered well. Maybe- Actually I wish I could deliver my ideas better

Like wise, cover edit by me but the image belongs to the Haikyuu manga

[decepti-thots]

whenever I read Rodimus/Ultra Magnus fic I get caught up on one thing, which is, a lot of the time UM seems really confident and experienced in berth. I always get stuck on it. Anyway, what kind of experience do YOU think Minimus/UM would have had in the past, before the Lost Light era?

you know this ask really made me sit back and go "huh" for like a solid hour and i'm gonna put this under a cut so ppl don't have to read loadsa words re: James Ruminating About Robot Sex Worldbuilding haha

which is what this, is i don't know if it actually answers your specific question

the thing is, the answer to this question for any character in tf for me is gonna be really influenced by how the person writing is actually introducing sex into the canon- because it IS introducing it, like actively that is something you have to do bc it's just Not There as is for the most part (a couple innuendos aside), and how you do that is partly going "hmmm, what do their norms look like re: this".

like, the exact same character might have a really different perspective on it depending on if, say, you transplant IRL norms about casual sex being vaguely taboo or outright shameful, versus if you go "hmmm they don't have babies, apparently most mechs never wind up in lifelong romantic relationships, maybe it's Not A Big Deal for them and they're way more casual about it".

on top of that i am a contrary little shit who likes deliberately going against the grain of the obvious reading for anything like this when looking at characters, haha. give me a character with a really obvious fandom trope begging to be attached to them re: stuff like this and my brain is like nope i'm doing the OTHER THING just cause. (this is e.g why i love aroace roddy so much, lollll.)

my attitude to this stuff for characters, broadly speaking, is sort of like how I think about shipping itself, which is that actually, almost anything can be turned into a story that feels like it Makes Sense to the readers, it's just finding the way to do it for that particular story which feels coherent. some stories have more routes to that than others, and some stories have much easier, well signposted routes than others, but there's very few things where i'm like "i don't see how you could make that feel convincing, ever". or to put it another way, it's not about what is and is not realistic (because IRL, none of this stuff is really dictated by someone's personality anyway; you really can never tell folks), it's about what you can convince your audience of.

that's all a really long winded way to say i don't have some sort of solid opinion here! it would really depend on what story you were writing, and then how you characterise him within whatever you pick, to me.

hmmm, how can i give a more satisfying answer than that. i guess if you wanted a hypothetical "how would you make that convincing for a character like magnus", i would go with: emotional repression strikes me as the more pertinent point here than anything else, which can just as easily parse as "compartmentalizes all feelings away from sex so it is as divorced from any of that Scary Stuff as possible" as it can parse as "so avoids all that stuff because it's messy and scary period". i could 100% buy, for example, especially within a story that posits TFs having a particular societal viewpoint of sex that doesn't contradict the underlying assumptions made, "magnus/minimus has experience but it's specifically in the context of extremely transactional, blunt one-night stands because those feel like they require no vulnerability or meaningful and potentially unnerving social exchange whatsoever". which is like, a very different take than the more common "repressed character has huge hangups about Sex Is Bad" for an archetype like that, but which i absolutely feel you could make convincing, and potentially do interesting stuff with. (magnus coming up with an extremely rigid set of self-imposed rules and restrictions on What Kind Of Sex It's OK To Want And Have feels absolutely like. a thing. he would do, to me. lmao. actually, especially in the context of worldbuilding where there IS some of that IRL baggage carried over and making it Within The Rules feels important.)

i think abt how characters relate to sex in deeply non-sexy ways a lot. can you tell. (i will also say i have considered a non-zero number of times writing fic as a challenge to myself to make it work where mags is inexperienced and inadvertently winds up, in trying to forward his Character Development, leaning on it as a crutch bc like... social interaction is so difficult and it turns out transactional offers that make people act like they like you more now are easier. on second thought, you literally wrote that fic with rung, didn't you, lmao.)

[vole-mon-amour]

OTP tag game.

Tagged by @captainjowl. You know for sure than I'm struggling to pick only 10 & fit them in here. But hell, that’s fun, thank you <3

Rules: Choose 10 OTPs BEFORE reading the questions, and then get to answering

1) Harry James Potter & Sirius Orion Black

2) Daniel Le Domas & Grace (Ready or Not 2019)

3) Samuel & Nathan Drake (Uncharted 4)

4) Corvo Attano & The Outsider (+probably Emily Kaldwin; Dishonored series)

5) Steve Grant Rogers & Bucky Buchanan Barnes (Marvel)

6) Tony Edward Stark & Peter Benjamin Parker (Marvel)

7) Handsome Jack & Rhys (Borderlands video game series)

8) Damon Salvatore & Elena Gilbert (TVD Books & a tv show)

9) Batman & Joker (in every universe, really)

10) Adam Jensen x Francis Pritchard (Deus Ex video game series)

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

I believe it didn't hit me before Spider-Man: Homecoming. Civil War was about Steve & Bucky for me, but when I saw that growing up Peter with Tony, their dynamic, chemistry. Tom & Robert are really just like that.

2. Have you ever read a fanfic about 2?

Lmao. I've read like 50% of the tag on AO3, I wrote my own & started a few wips on them. They are amazing. Plus, with that shitty canon? We didn't get enough of them & they deserved better, so it's only logical to save yourself with fanfiction.

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr screen saver?

I was living with The Outsider icon on my twitter & tumblr. That one is still my Google profile picture I believe. Don't remember about having an icon with the two of them. Also had The Outsider as my lockscreen on my smartphone for a while.

4. If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

Funny how it fits canon, lmao. Rhys literally tried to erase Jack's AI in TFTBL, so I guess another day on Pandora, nothing new. They torture each other, they kiss each other, they kill other people in the process. It'll be fiiine.

5. Why is 1 so important?

I love them since the first time I met them, which was much more than 10 years ago, I don't even remember when. At some point they were the reason I was waking up & forcing myself to eat just to read more fanfiction & feel something. Even if I was drowning in pain (I was extremely depressed), it was still something. I read every fic I could find at that time. The depression that Harry went through, all these feelings, his love for Sirius. I was living through it, I could relate.

I'm currently drowning in these two again, though in a much healthier & happier state. I see their flaws & I know as much as I can. I see them differently as an adult. They saved me, they keep being my number one, I still consider making a tattoo of Padfoot/Sirius or of both Harry & Sirius together. I have many headcanons, ideas, I write fics about them. They are everything, you see? They were my choice when there was nothing, no one. They are HOME.

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

Both. There goes the dynamic of Jack & Rhys: torture, fighting, flirting, a lot of trauma. I'd definitely say that they are wild and comical sometimes, but they are definitely serious. With the Asylum, the mental health issues. There is so much more to it, the complexity of their relationship. The struggle of loving who you probably shouldn't (but hey, when does it work like that?) Thinking about Tettlate's Batman, about Batman: Europa & how Joker was: "You must be crazy, putting me in charge of the plan, letting me decide. Okay, well..."

Nah, they are entertaining, but this is a serious ship.

7. Out of all the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

Are you kidding me? They are all the definition of CHEMISTRY. I'd say 5, but then go 2, 6, 7, 8. Come on. I'm not choosing. Most of they are WILD.

9. How many times have you read/watched the 10’s fandom?

The fandom itself? Idk. I found one of my favourite artists through this fandom. If it's about the characters themselves, I played the first game with the DLC from start to beginning, looking around every corner. Spent more than 60 hours in there. Watched a second game (my laptop can't run the game) and the DLC (obviously), since Francis is in the DLC & not in the main game. I have a tag for them on tumblr, I read fanfiction, I tried to write my own. I still follow Elias & want a third game. Elias liked my tweets about Adam and Jensen being an actual couple a few times. I'd say I interacted with all of this a lot? Still do, actually.

10. Which ship has lasted the longest?

5. Best friends since childhood, fought & died for each other, still found their way back to each other. "It would break your Captain's heart, to see what they did to you." That only the MENTION of Steve can pull Bucky out of this brain washing(ed?) state, distract him in the middle of a fight. When Steve died in the comics because of Sharon & Tony sent Natasha to take Steve's shield from Bucky because even Tony knew how much Steve means to Bucky. And Bucky was like: "Oh, I see what he did. Not happening!" Fought Natasha (that is his ex in the comics) & kept going for Steve's sake.

Well, you see the point, I can go on and on.

11. How many times, if ever, has 6 broken up?

They're not actually canon so none? They had a few fights: In Civil war (the comics), in Homecoming (the movie).  That only means that they’ve got history & love each other.

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8?

As fierce Grace is, they wouldn't stand a chance against Damon & Elena. Those two had to deal with worst thing than brainless stupid zombies. On the other hand, if there were no alive humans to drink their blood... It's either an animal diet that Damon hates so much or I don't know? Still, they're faster & more powerful. Their bodies have advantage of healing the wounds as well.

13. Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

From some people, yeah. Don't tell Athena, don't tell Vaughn, don't tell Fiona. Though Rhys wasn't very subtle about it & Jack just doesn't give a fuck. You will probably end up dead if you disagree or bore him, or if you're useless.

"I can take you to the top, but you gotta know where the top is" & Rhys doesn't tell anybody until Jack makes him the President for like whole 20 minutes lol.

Fiona & Sasha: "This can't be happening." Sure it can, darling.

14. Is 4 still together?

I have a headcanon about The Outsider finding Emily & Corvo after Billie frees him from the Void. He doesn't have anybody & they are his only friends aside from a potential friendship with Billie. And if we don't consider TOTO dlc, they definitely are! The Outsider visits them both when they sleep & takes them to the void sometimes. How could he not?

15. Is 10 canon?

Not really but also sort of? Let's say that they really care about each other in canon, despite Adam pushing Francis away because of his trauma & fear that Megan caused him. :/

16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

Can you imagine wizards fighting extremely powerful vampires? Superheroes with venom in their bodies that make them super strong with people that made a deal with the Devil himself (hi Le Bail)? 5000 y.o. God and his lover that share his powers and an augmented human protecting his tired IT guy? Combine mental health issues to that, Jack and Rhys with Batman and Joker. Corvo & The Outsider would probably slay them all as Corvo and Emily did in both games with entire islands, though it will still be a slaughter anyway.

17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 5’s ship?

All the fucking time, lmaooo. I’m not even talking about it.

18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond?

I feel like I already did with Steve & Bucky after many Marvel movies (we're not even mentioning Endg*me, I fucking died & was dead for full 4-5 months).

19. Do you spend hours a day going through 3’s tumblr page?

I used to do that a few years back, but not anymore. There is not much content since the trilogy is finished.

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she’d break them all forever, which ship would you sink?

1 already went through it & fandom lives, so I'd say maybe 7? Rhys will find a way to bring Jack back & they are both so wild. It’s what happened in canon anyway. Jack kidnapped Lilith & forced her to do Angel's job, so I'd like to see that witch try at first. Jack is an immortal bastard. <3

Now that I think about it, Corvo would also deal with her in seconds as she waits to curse them.

As a conclusion: no one breaks up forever, we're killing the witch.

I tag: @ianmillkovichgallagher​ & @aledbr​

Whoever else wants to join the game, please do.