#bsd request

[ravencincaide]

We need to talk 

Summary: You assume the worst; after all why else would your partner utter those four cursed words OR Sometimes there is no easy way to have a difficult discussion but one could always take a more human approach towards it.

Pairing Dazai x Fem! Reader X Chuuya (SKK x fem!reader) 

Inspired by request by anon: A more alternative, very stand-alone part two for “Desperate times call for Desperate measures” where the boys realize how much their actions have hurt the reader

Warnings: Depression/ hint at postpartum depression, hint at bad eating habits, very mild sexual hint, cursing, hurt comfort

Enjoy~ ______________________________________________________________

“ We need to talk” 

When you heard those words your heart flopped to your stomach; the bitter, icky taste of bile filled your mouth. You froze mid-motion, somewhere halfway between straight and bent over towards the crib, about to place the newly nursed and sleepy boy-child beside his already napping twin sister. Your hands began to shake, so much so that you almost dropped the child the last half a meter to the soft mattress of his crib. 

“ W-what?” you gasped out, your eyes flickered towards his voice. But Dazai was almost completely out of your field of vision. Even as you craned your neck you could only catch a glimpse of him, leaning against the doorway with his arms crossed over his chest. 

“ Put him down for his nap and we’ll talk downstairs” Dazai replied, his voice soft, but you doubted it was more for your sake than the snoozing children. 

You swallowed thickly and turned back to the two babies. Your heart was beating a million miles an hour. A part of you desperately wanted to pick those two back up into your arms and shut the door on Dazai. To shut away all the issues and imperfections and just rock your children close to your body. Hold them until the world stopped spinning. When did it all become so difficult?

– Another part of you hated them. The twins that seemed to hold every ounce of Dazai and Chuuya’s love, leaving none left over for you. 

You wondered if you’d still be together if it weren’t for the twins. 

The thought made you shudder. Your thoughts drifted back to the four words that brought on this level of anxiety in you. We need to talk. In your mind there is only one reason for you to hear those words. And you knew you were not ready to face that reality- what person- woman would? When you’ve put so many years towards your relationship; celebrated so many achievements, mourned so many sacrifices, the joys of parenthood and the struggles of being partners. All of it. The good and the bad. 

Your eyes flickered down to your ring finger and you felt tears well up in your eyes. A part of you wondered if that was the reason why they never married you- never even offered. Because then ending things would be so much easier. Though, rationally, you guessed everything good had to come to an end. With or without a ring. 

Setting the child back down in the crib you pulled the blanket over the twins. Your fingers brushing against their cheeks with featherlight touches. You bit your lip as you felt a tear roll down your cheeks. Then you pulled your hands away and wiped your cheeks, steadying your nerves. 

You were not going to give him- them- the satisfaction of seeing you cry. 

Once you felt your icy mask of professionalism slip into place, you finally turned to face Dazai. With quick steps you headed out of the room. He closed the door behind you quietly then began walking downstairs, hands in his pockets. He looked relaxed, casual even.You followed, keeping half a step behind him. Not close enough so your shoulders would bump, but close enough to show that you were ready to face whatever unpleasant excuses he was going to throw in your face. You held your head high, proud and confident. 

But was that actually true? A little voice in your head whispered. Were you really so certain in yourself and your own ability to hide your emotion that you would be able to out-lie the great Osamu Dazai.  More importantly, would you really be able to remain calm and just stand and listen as the two most important men in your life listed all the things wrong with you. All the reasons why you weren’t- and would never be- good enough. 

You stopped mid step, halfway between the messy living room of childrens toys, feeding bottles, diapers and clothes scattered around without any care, and just around the corner from the kitchen and the kitchen table where you had planned to spend the rest of the evening, working to wrap up whatever work you had left in your partners departments. The work you took over while your so-called lovers were two months abroad god-knows-where doing god-knows-what. Once the finalities were fixed, you’d be able to create a report of everything that occurred in the departments during their absence; the decisions you made and suggestions you’d advise for the future. All to make the transition into their respective roles as smooth as possible. At least that had been your plan earlier tonight. A foolish, meaningless plan that was masqueraded as helping them with work when in reality it was just a facade for you to feel useful. T ofeel connected to work. 

A woman- not just a mother. 

From the corner of your eye you could see the clock on the wall gently swaying with each tick-tack sound. A reminder that the screw it hung on would give away at any moment now. Once it would finally let go, the clock would crash to the ground, the glass shattering and the hourhands stopping at whatever doomed time it happened. You hoped it happened soon- maybe even as you passed it. Shaking your head you sighed and ran a hand through your hair, a defeated expression on your face. “ Dazai I understand, you don’t need to say anything I am sorry for whatever and –” 

“-Belladonna, you’re not getting out of this talk” Dazai stated matter of factly. “ so please keep walking”

He was curt with you. Short and straight to the point. Nothing shy of an order- a veiled threat that reminded you of your place. Shuddering slightly, you started walking again, resembling a scolded puppy rather than a confident mafioso partner and mother of their children. Your gaze was focused on the floor as you followed Dazai into the kitchen where you heard Chuuya shuffling about. With each step, the geers in your head kept turning, filling you with deeper dread and anxiety. With questions you needed to ask and were terrified of knowing the answer to. 

Suddenly, you snapped out of your daze as a sweet scent filled your senses, one that wasn’t unfamiliar despite the fact that you hadn’t smelled in months. Your eyes left Dazai’s back as he took a seat at one of the kitchen chairs and searched for the source of that fragrance. Then your eyes widened in surprise as you saw a vase with flowers standing right in the middle of the kitchen table. Beside your computer and all the files and other paperwork you prepared. You frowned a little, confused. Why were there flowers? 

“ Is there something wrong with getting flowers for my precious partner?” You frowned a little at the statement, definitely thrown off guard. 

“ What’s the matter, is the smell giving you a headache?” Chuuya asked, tone worried as he emerged from the kitchen with a large platter of fruit, primarily berries and sweet tropical ones, which he set down on the table as close to you as possible before disappearing back into the kitchen.

 “You must be hungry Bella, try some” When you didn’t move closer, Dazai wrapped a cold hand around your wrist and tugged you towards himself until you landed awkwardly in his lap. He chuckled at you, his hot breath hitting your ear as his arm came to wrap itself around your waist. He was holding you closely- tightly- leaving you barely any room to get comfortable, let alone stand up and leave. Ignoring your discomfort, Dazai picked a grape of the vine and offered it to you. When you ignored it he popped it between his lips, smiling as the sweet juice filled his senses. “ ahhh they’re sweet, like cotton candy, you should eat it” he urged you again. 

You just frowned more and crossed your arms over your chest, ignoring him and his attempt at feeding you. Your eyes were focused on Chuuya re-emerging from the kitchen, several bowls levitating around him. Then your face flushed slightly as whipped cream and several types of chocolate were placed in front of you by the berries. You could feel your heart pounding in your chest, this time for an entirely different reason “ Whipped cream? Chocolate? Now?” you questioned your mind drifting back to what happened the last time that combination appeared between the three of you; the result were the twins.

Following your trail of thought Dazai chuckled and rested his head on your shoulder, arms slightly tighter around your waist; “ Bella as much as I’d love to ravish you now until you lose your voice and can’t walk; you aren’t ready yet” 

His words made you deadpan slightly; “ Dazai, I’m not a virgin. I’m more than “ready” for sex” You comment made him chuckle humorlessly as he pressed a kiss to your shoulder. 

“ You’ve had a tough delivery with a long hospital stay and then two months of utter hell, alone, with twins while juggling our work and managing the house.” another kiss, this one to the spot right where your shirt met your neck. “ You haven’t healed physically, you’re exhausted and tense mentally and we’ve neglected our partner duties for a while now.” 

Chuuya sighed heavily at Dazai’s words as he sat down on the chair beside you, his body and attention turned entirely towards you. He reached forward to a pitted cherry and dipped it in the tiniest bit of dark chocolate before bringing it up to your lips.“ Sweetheart, please eat something. Jokes aside you’ve barely gotten anything into you.” 

You huffed at Chuuya and rolled your eyes refusing the fruit until you’d know what the hell those two were playing at; “I eat, and I’m not all that hungry and also take vitamins to make sure that the milk is nutritious and the doctor check ups have gone—”

“ –Baby it’s not about the twins!” Chuuya’s rough and loud voice startled you, making a wave of guilt and sadness wash over you. You took a shaky breath, not understanding why he was suddenly so– so 

” Shit, shh sorry sweetheart,” Chuuya’s hands wore on either side of your face, stroking your cheeks and catching any and all tears you’d spill. His blue eyes stared seriously into yours. There wasn’t an ounce of humour or lies on his face, just worry and a hint of guilt “ Both me and Dazai know you’re a wonderful mother- a superwoman and while away we knew the twins would be more than well taken care of. You on the other hand are a different story.” 

“ Belladonna for once there’s no hidden agenda or clause. Just two idiots trying to make up for lost time. Will you let us?” Dazai pressed another kiss to your shoulder as Chuuya gave you a half sad- half hopeful smile before once again raising the chocolate covered cherry to your lips. You parted them for him slightly. Carefully he pushed it in your mouth, smearing the tiniest bit of chocolate and cherry on your upper lip, which he wiped off with his thumb. Then he brought it to his mouth and gave a lick. 

“ hmm they’re not as sweet as I thought, how about some milk or white chocolate doll?” Chuuya grinned as he prepared several cherries in different chocolate combinations.

Oh how could you say no to that? 

For every berry you ate, you saw Chuuya’s grin grow wider and wider. It looked as if he was ready to jump out of his seat and cheer the second the cherry landed past your lips while Dazai pressed more and more kisses to your clothes. 

After a while your eyes landed on a sheet of paper near your computer “ What’s that?” You asked, your eyes flickering towards an unfamiliar table hand drawn with columns and times. The glint in Dazai’s eyes told you, you shouldn’t have asked. 

“This is Dazai’s getting-Y/N-back-to-regular-eating plan- So tonight we start with berries and chocolate- stuff you’ve always been a sucker for Belladonna. Then tomorrow it will be cooked rice for breakfast with steamed vegetables and if you can manage than a bowl of miso and then for lunch–” Dazai rambled on, pointing out different times and the variety of dishes, snacks and back up snacks he planned to make sure you would go back to the regular three-times a day eating healthy and balanced meals. 

In the meantime Chuuya fed you chocolate and cream covered fruit one by one, the only time he’d pause was whenever he’d purposefully smear a bit of the sweet treat on your lips and kiss it off; a silent request for you to just relax and let them take care of your for a change. 

The sign of affection made you smile and helped ease some of your anxiety. You weren’t going to be fooled into believing that this was honestly done for your sake and not the twins. And that they didn’t have some kind of agenda behind their actions. Still you’d rather cling to any scraps of attention they spare for you than face the bitter truth of what your relationship has become.

For now.  ---

All fics are unique works by ©ravencincaide 2024. Do not copy/repost/translate or spread my work(s) without my explicit permission. If you see any of my work(s) reposted/copied anywhere else without my consent, please inform me!

[definetelynotavampire]

draw...draw fyodor as chipmunk...

okay... he's a chipmunk

[thatkarleesidraws]

@alinesart3 I’m not so sure about the colour palette I chose, but here you go 😇

BSD Request 4

[sticky-badger]

Next fic is going to be more of my Dazai and Fyodor series!!!!

I've had two requests for some Lee Fyodor, the poor guy. XD So I'm going to combine the two!

After that, we'll have Lee!Sigma and Ler!Dazai!

Lots of Bungo Stray Business is coming up!!!!

[originalartblog]

Criminal apprehended while trying to sneak into Mori Corp!!!!

[swagpatrolkitten]

Change of look over the years

[yebyyhfushi]

okay just an idea.... pregchuu COMBINED with sheepchuu..... (plus wolfzai if you want....)

I drew this a while ago too

[iztea]

🖤🐈‍⬛🖤

[kisakis-boyfriend]

Atsushi’s first time doing breeding?

I feel like he’s be really nervous to do it, but he’d wanan do his best for his living bf and he ends up loving it so MUCH he goes into sub space.

Atsushi deserves some loving, my boy is understated in his own show ;(

♦️

Pairings: Atsushi x male reader

Warnings: Male!reader, dom/top!reader, sub/bottom!Atsushi, breeding kink, overstimulation, praise, fluffy aftercare

“O-ok, you can…put it in now.” Atsushi blushes, intentionally hiding his face so that you won't see how nervous he is. Unfortunately for him, the rest of his body betrays that secrecy.

His fingers curl, gripping the sheets tighter as your fingers slide out of his wet hole, replacing them with your dick. The muscles in his back tighten, causing Atsushi to hunch over while your cock fills up his pretty hole. It's always so tight when you first enter him—no amount of fingering or orgasms do much about that. Not that that's a bad thing though.

“Don't hurt yourself, Atsushi — relax those shoulders, just like that.” you say, rubbing the tense areas of his back, all as the head of your cock pushes into his sweet spot again and again. You're not moving very fast, but the girth of your cock alone is enough to make Atsushi sweat. His knuckles have turned white from all of his sheet-gripping.

Soon enough, you ease into a faster, steady pace. Your lips brush against the back of Atsushi's neck and he shudders, feeling vulnerable under the shadow of your body. “My sweet boy, why are you so quiet today? Where are those beautiful moans of yours?” Truthfully, he was embarrassed to let any noise escape, too focused on this brand new experience to realize he'd been holding his lip between his teeth.

Sharper, more powerful thrusts finally get Atsushi to gasp; opening the door for his lovely moans and whimpers. You squeeze your partner's hips, hitting so deep in his guts that Atsushi swears you're about to ram your cock straight through his body– “Baby~ Baby, baby, baby… that little ass is going to milk me dry if you keep clenching like that- gnngh!”

As if his body knew what he wanted more than he could realize in this moment, Atsushi's hole clenched again, provoking you to fuck him harder — this is the perfect moment to try out that thing you agreed to.

“Oh fuck–!! Y'feel that, Atsushi? Feel how heavy my balls are? That's all for you, sweetheart~” you groaned into his ear, still curled around his body while your balls slap against his. Every thrust brings him closer to being filled by your warm cum, just like he asked before. “Need to- breed you, baby…please let me breed you!”

A quick 'yes' is all Atsushi can manage with his trembling voice, unable to think straight when your dick is hitting so deep and pounding his puffy hole until it becomes sore. Your warmth enters him, causing airy moans to spill out of his mouth while his eyes roll back. “Cumming-! B-breeding…my pretty boy!!” you manage through clenched teeth. You try to pull him closer still, pressing as far as humanly possible inside, while your cock pumps the last bit of cum into Atsushi's ass.

—

Beads of sweat build up on his forehead, and Atsushi's legs won't stop shaking, even though you haven't moved for a minute. His upper body falls forward gently, thanks to you, and this causes his back to arch deeply. All of that heavy breathing through his mouth has made Atsushi's throat dry, and his next words come out hoarse: “You…you really did it…” he wheezes, fingers limply resting on the sheets. “You…bred me-”

A chuckle falls from your lips, followed by a groan when you adjust yourself slightly and accidentally push on Atsushi's prostate again, making him moan so loud that you worry about neighbors hearing it.

Atsushi's brain turns to mush after that — corrupting whatever dignity and innocence he had left for the night, turning him into a babbling whore as he croaks; “Again…breed me again! Keep pounding me…please?”

And you'd be a fool not to take him up on that. You smirk at your partner's change in attitude, groping his ass before you nearly pull your cock out, only to push it back inside along with the cum still clinging to your shaft. “Oho, did my little kitty enjoy it that much?” a prolonged whine answers your question.

“You're so good for me, lovely. I'm gonna fill you up again, yeah?” you hum between every kiss pressed against Atsushi's upper back. “Just say the word, and we'll go again and again—as many times as my baby wants~”

Atsushi gulps, his body more sensitive than before, now keenly aware of the shape of your cock as it stretches his insides and leaves a bulge in his tummy. A dopey grin is plastered on his face while you snap your hips against his — your voice sings sweetly every praise you can imagine, every drag of your cock against his insides brings you that much closer to breeding him again.

And his own pretty voice eggs you on—to fuck him a little deeper, pounding his trembling body into the mattress so hard that Atsushi watches stars dance in front of him. His eyes blow wide open, then flutter as you cum inside of him once more.

Your breath is hot on his flushed skin, but your lover really doesn't mind, not when you, quite literally, fucked his brains out. Atsushi is limp and only half coherent when you eventually pull out, letting you roll him over and position him a bit more comfortably so that you can wipe his body down.

For the rest of the night, he's your little cuddle buddy who curls up against you, thanking you for being so good to him and making him feel good during this new experience.

[i-eat-mold]

You should draw this as skk

This was actually so fun to draw

[zzzx009]

Do you take requests 4 art? :3 If so, can you draw pirate Chuuya/sea monster Dazai? I wanna see ur take on the idea hehe

Hello yes I do request occasionally!! if I'm comfortable with the request and have extra free time I'll probably do it 💕

Here's piratechuu x sirenzai <3

[ravencincaide]

Special interests 

Summary: You were an encyclopedia of relevant knowledge and an even larger encyclopedia of irrelevant knowledge. The trick was to get you to talk; what you’d say however was a gamble. OR the time Chuuya had to ask an expert's opinion not expecting said expert to be.. well ..you. 

Pairing Academic! fem Reader x Chuuya Nakahara

Inspired by request by anon: Quiet reader who becomes outgoing in a conversation when talking about that special interest. 

Warnings: Hint at a neuro divergent reader, cursing, academia, AU-kinda? kinda sweet,

Enjoy~ ______________________________________________________________

Women within the military were rare; women within military academia were rarer. Women who were top-notch world renown within both were an anomaly. Didn’t exist but for a handful of exceptions that could be counted on one hand. They lived in a different world- reside within the safe space of books, samples and knowledge without needing to dirty their hands with actual field work or real life situations. 

Chuuya Nakahara was not particularly fond of academics. Their snobby behaviour, the way they looked down at everyone as if they were beneath them was annoying. Especially when they directly assumed that someone was dumb or in the very least dumber just because of some paper- or three, that they crammed out in the middle of the night after guidance from equally snobby so-called academic supervisors. That they’d find some insignificant theory, approach or pattern useful within one specific context and then ride that honor until the end of days. Milking money out of students or charging overpriced consulting fees. 

More than anything, Chuuya disliked how comfortable academics could live, while they made demands and analysis about the world he lived in; made claims about the underground society without any understanding of what was going on. Especially humorous was when they advised the government on some new ‘crime mitigation policy’ with the most stupid and stuck-up formulations. All the while they effectively remained clean of bloodshed and loss. 

Sometimes, Chuuya wished he could drag one of those snobs to walk a week in his shoes and then see how comfortable they would be making those insubstantial claims. To show them what true understanding meant, so they would never open their goddamn mouth again. 

Coming to a stop outside the large auditorium, Chuuya went in before leaning his back near the furthest wall. The room was surprisingly full of people; students, other academics and researchers filled up the many seats as they listened to the young, rather plain looking woman on the stage. He had come to the very end of your seminar, right at the moment where the organizer thanked you profusely for your time while at the same time trying to silence the numerous hands full of questions by repeatedly reminding people it was break time and they would resume after lunch. 

Chuuya waited until you were completely alone before he began approaching. He noticed you breathe a sigh of relief at the sudden absence of people, looking a lot more relaxed now. So much so you didn’t seem to notice his presence. For Chuuya however, making the first move suited him and his personality perfectly. 

“ Coffee?” the ginger asked in the most pleasant voice he could master as he came closer and closer to you while raising the takeaway cup from the local off campus cafe as an offer. You looked startled by his voice then tilted your head ever so slightly to the side. 

“ Do you know that drinking coffee can increase life expectancy?” Chuuya raised an eyebrow at your words which you took as a sign to elaborate '' Well some studies show that drinking coffee decreases depression and risk of developing Alzeihmers both of which have a detrimental effect on Disability Adjusted Life Years. Though it could also kill you if you overdose on it” 

Chuuya’s eyes lit up slightly at your last statement. “  Overdose?” 

“ That’s right, you would need to drink over thirty cups within a very short period of time to experience symptoms. Though actual harmful dose would need to be calculated based on the person's physiological conditions. And even then the body would try to get rid of it by vomiting. Other symptoms of caffeine overdose includes chest pain, trouble breathing–” 

“ OKAY okay” Chuuya yelled, raising his hands in an attempt to get you to stop talking. “ I get it, no coffee” 

“ Well coffee is okay as long as you are aware of your body's limitations” you stated as your eyes flickered down to his outstretched hand with the still steaming cup. You felt a certain pressure to take the cup from him but also a deep uncertainty. What if the cup wasn’t meant for you? Wouldn’t you then just embarrass yourself by attempting to take something that wasn’t yours? 

It would be rather embarrassing if you, a famous professor, applied a self-centered approach and just took things from people just because you couldn’t resist the temptation. 

And also very unlike you. 

Tearing your eyes reluctantly from the cup you studied the features of the ginger who so confidently approached you. His eyes told you he was no student or scholar. His clothes reinforced that observation.

 You picked up your speaker notes and notebooks- material you didn’t need but which brought you the slightest bit of comfort. Then you broke the brief yet heavy silence;  “ Was there something you wanted to talk about, or were you interested in my lecture on Mycotoxins presence within the underground railing of the Tokyo Subway systems, mister–?” 

“ Nakahara Chuuya” he stated setting down the cups on the edge of the speaker stand before stretching his hand out towards you with clear intentions of a handshake. You stared down at his hand, then swallowed thickly before gripping your notes slightly tighter, not extending your hand to his. The lightest of blushes dusted your cheeks- a physical reaction to your nerves and discomfort. 

“ oh and I’m doctor Y/S Y/N; Did you know that handshaking has a long historical tradition. Back in middle ages most people of importance were right handed and shaking hands was considered a peace offering and–” 

“ Very interesting facts Doctor.” Chuuya cut you off and did his best not to roll his eyes. He had to appear polite and in the very least interested in the random facts that had absolutely nothing to do with his current predicament which placed him inside this stuffy institute “ I need an undetectable poison”

“ That’s an impossibility” you proclaimed looking at him as if he were a sheltered five year old calling a rock for a butterfly. “ An undetected poison would not be a poison we would know about since we would not be able to detect it, and I can’t make assumptions about poisons we have yet to discover” you huffed in annoyance. 

Chuuya narrowed his eyes at you “ Oj stop acting stupid and being so fucking difficult and just tell me what I need to know!” he yelled the last part making your eyes widen.

 You took a step back from him, your voice shaking ever so slightly as you continued; “ I -I’m not acting stupid. I’m merely pointing out the absurdity of your request!” you replied back with a hint of confusion on your face, clearly not understanding how your reply managed to get him upset. 

Chuuya growled, his eyes flashing red. “ Just tell me what substance wouldn’t show up on a dead body's tox screen!” he hissed through squeezed teeth. 

“ Oh but then it’s not an undetectable poison but rather a poison that would clear the system before the victim is discovered and tested– or one where the chemical make up would resemble the chemicals naturally produced in the body. You should have said that directly. I have a list that might interest you back in my office!” you exclaimed and gathered the last of your materials in a neat little pile before beginning to head out of the auditorium clearly expecting him to follow.  

“ That’s what I said.” Chuuya grumbled, his eyes returning back to blue as he fell into step beside you, keeping an even pace with you.

“ No what you said was–” 

Chuuya sighed heavily as he listened to your ramble; an almost perfect recollection of your short conversation with each other. Making sure to state exactly the areas where he could have been more clear in his communication with you; completely missing that the things he said would be interpreted differently by normal people. Those people would understand the context- understand what he was after by just his name. But not you. Not unless he spelled it out for you. 

Literary. 

Sneaking a glance, Chuuya could feel the edges of his lips inching up into a small smile. The slight shake in your voice and the way you clutched your stuff to your chest reminded him more of a nervous and shy teenager rambling to hide her uncertainty, than a world renown academic. A breath of fresh air among the snobby squinters. And surprisingly, Chuuya actually didn’t mind this conversation all that much.

[definetelynotavampire]

May i request Atsushi or Nikolai introducing Sigma to different kinds of foods or desserts for the lovely manager to try?

personally, i wouldn't try anything Nikolai offers...

[thatkarleesidraws]

Hii:D

First thing,I just came across ur blog and looking at ur art I can only say:I,LOVE,IT!UR ARTSTYLE IS SO JSMSJEUANBRUD I wanna eat ur art fr

And second,abt the sketch request,can u draw akutagawa going (◉-◉)?

Chibi aku my beloved😭

ThanQ 🙏

You’re sweet, thank you so much! 🥹❤️

Here you go haha

[milky-aeons]

— TO LOVE ME

౨ৎ . . . in which DAZAI OSAMU apologises for being a little too rough.

warnings: semi-nsfw, f!reader, hair-pulling, flashbacks to sexual activity, rough!dazai (he pulled your hair a little too hard), soft!dazai, slight angst, comfort, fluff, non-established relationship, w.c 1.6k

♪ . . . ˗ˏˋ ꒰ november — mahalia ft. stormzy ꒱ ˎˊ-

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐋𝐃 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐄 𝐇𝐈𝐒 𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐇𝐄 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍 𝐌𝐀𝐃𝐄 𝐇𝐈𝐌𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐅 𝐊𝐍𝐎𝐖𝐍.

It was a type of awareness — a fond little quirk, if you will — that you had developed a few months into dating the Armed Detective Agent. Or as far as dating someone like him would go; he never really liked the label, after all. You were both stuck in that chaotic, intoxicating limbo of not quite lovers, but too far gone from friends. Because friends did not stay the night and wear each-others shirts as you washed the dishes, friends did not hum softly into the empty apartment he owned as you waited for him to return with your favourite take-away coffee.

As if your souls were already intertwined, protesting at even the slightest distance, your whole body sang to life when Dazai Osamu tried to sneak through his front door unnoticed.

With wet fingers, you reached over to turn the faucet off just as his airy voice sifted through the air.

"I'm home~"

"Welcome back." You beat him to it.

Dazai made a wrangled sound. "How do catch me every time I try to sneak up on you?" He moaned, his voice coming closer until he rounded the little alcove of his small, one-walled kitchen. "It's almost like you have a sixth-sense, you know? Oh! We should put this unique talent of yours to the test!"

You hummed, following his playful line of thinking. Does his blood thrum to life underneath his skin when you breeze through the Agency offices, you wonder, does his mind eddy of all thought when you cast your eyes his way — just like it does yours?

You did not know. You would probably never know. But he remembered your exact coffee order perfectly, every single time.

"I'm almost afraid to wonder what that would entail." You muse, drying off your hands and leaning back on the countertop. He handed you one of the take-away cups. "But not for me. If I know you at all, Osamu, then you would definitely tie Kunikida-kun up in this elaborate experiment just to set him back a few days on his schedule."

"Pft. A few days?" He echoed, incredulous. One of his eyebrows raised. "How you insult me. If I don't set Kunikida-kun's precious schedule back by at least one month at a time, then why would I even bother at all?"

"You're absolutely right. My ignorant mistake."

"And yes, you do."

"Hm?" You hummed, uncapping the coffee to take a greedy inhale.

"Know me." Dazai finished.

Those two words jarred you a little. Your eyes flickered up to meet his, wordless, the coffee cup held just an inch from your parted lips. Dazai was looking straight at you with that ever-present unreadable expression, but it was a little softer around the edges, a little less impenetrable this time. This was familiar. This is what you two were; you took each other's hand and danced around the truth. You let things hang in the air, unsaid, untouched, staring at one another in his apartment while you wore his shirt like you were both in love — but not quite, not yet.

"Do I?" You said softly. You reached for that thing left unsaid and used it to challenge him.

He tilted his head, amused. Letting you rock the boat. His unkempt curls slid across his forehead when he did. But as always, he said nothing. He danced. He changed the subject.

Do I know you, Osamu?

Instead, he let his dark eyes wander to the dishes you had stacked on the drainage rack. "Wah, [Name]!" He exclaimed with exaggerated shock. "Did you clean the dishes while I was gone?! If you keep doing things like that I'll seriously have to marry you, you know!"

Precarious. A tease. Oh, but he loves to twirl with you close to the fire.

You stayed silent, opting to take a sip, instead. A small, bashful smile fought its way onto your face — you hid behind the disposable cup, but you knew he caught it. Dazai Osamu caught everything, but only with you, did he wear that boyish, self-satisfied grin when he saw the effect he had on your heart.

The sunlight was soft and choppy as it filtered through his broken shutters that barely gave any privacy to the kitchen. It was winter time; Yokohama was bustling, as it always is, but this corner of the city was delightfully sleepy. It was just you and him, enjoying the silence of two people almost in love. A car horn beeped in the distance. You noticed the smattering of freckles on his nose when he stepped forward into one of the balmy sunbeams.

Quietly, Dazai reached towards you. You didn't move — how could you? — as his long fingers half-hidden in bandages danced across your exposed shoulder. A shiver broke out across the skin he barely touched. He noticed. He grew bolder, slyer, letting his lazy touch flutter across your skin; the column of your neck; tickling the nape of your neck and burying into the mussed tresses of your hair—

"Ow—!"

You winced.

Dazai jerked his hand away. "What's wrong?"

You placed your coffee cup down and lifted your fingers to where his own had just been. With ginger movements, you traced the tender spot, your face souring into a grimace at the little shoots of pain that resided there. It was still sore, you noticed. And so did Dazai. When you glanced up at him, his brows had knit together. Not quite a picture of concern — but pressingly curious, his eyes wide and imploring.

And for the first time that lazy morning, you found yourself averting your gaze from him. You stayed quiet for a pregnant moment, searching for the right words as Dazai too, placed his cup down. He dipped his head, trying to meet your eyes. "Bella?" He called again, his voice soft and coaxing.

"Sorry," You chuckled quietly, smiling small. You gave the tender spot another rub before releasing your hand from your hair. "It's just a little sore, that's all."

Dazai's lips tugged down into a frown. "Sore—?" A bell chimed on some astral plane of recognition. His words died on his tongue, his expression halting. You saw the shutter in his eyes then; his mind moving, racing, taking scintillations of the night you two shared and meshing them back together.

You had let him do it before — fisting his lithe fingers into your hair while you were both caught in the throes of passion. As a matter of fact, you quite liked it. He'd bow your head back and decorate your lovely neck with a multitude of bruises, just for you. Or during those times where you took control — settling between his legs as he sat on the edge of the bed. You'd start slow first; taking the length of him into your mouth, licking, kissing. But as you picked up the pace and worked him right to a fever pitch — Dazai would wind his hand into your hair. Around, around, until he had a decent grip, and guide your movement just the way he needed it.

It had been an accident last night — but you still had not mentioned it; had not wanted to draw too much attention as you knew he did not mean it. It was a frenzy on both parts. But he had gripped your hair and tugged it a bit too tight. A bit too rough. Leaving the spot at the crown of your head tender as you passed a brush over it once you two were done.

He remained so uncharacteristically silent — staring at you like he was meeting you from a previous lifetime again after searching for so long. You tilted your head, suddenly worried. It wasn't like you were upset with him — so why did he look like that? Like he had revoked any and all permission to touch you? Like he was suddenly afraid?

Dazai was not acquainted with words of apology. He had went his whole life posing as a shadow, looking in on people and never being a part of them. But standing there looking down at you with the realisation that he had hurt you, that he — by his hand — had brought harm to someone like you — a sudden paralysis took hold of his body. He stared at you with wide eyes. He couldn't speak. He felt like he had lost all privilege to be near you — that for the first time in his life, he had met someone so bright and so genuine, and he had succeeded at tainting that, too.

He was abominable. He had always been, it was part of his makeup, ingrained into the lining of his very bones.

And yet, to him, he was also selfish. Because he had the gall to ask for your forgiveness.

"I'm," Dazai started. It wasn't like him to be at a loss for words. "I . . . [Name] I didn't realise . . . "

"Osamu, really — it's okay," You implored, your expression honest. "I know you didn't mean to. I'm fine! Just a little sore, is all." Smile turning lopsided, you turned to fully face him. "How about next time, we just don't pull as hard? I do really like when you play with my hair, but not that rough. Hm?"

Dazai opened his mouth to speak — but whatever he wanted to say got lost between his head and his tongue. He blinked once, twice. Then, in such a quiet voice, he whispered, ". . . I apologise. I'd never try to hurt you, beautiful [Name]. It will not happen again."

It was so resolute. In a tone you have never heard Dazai Osamu speak with before; not quite unsure, but lacking the perfectly precise way he would usually choose his words with. It speared into your chest and made your heart lurch. Such a raw, clean-cut promise. Like he'd burn his own hand before he let himself cause any such harm to you, ever again.

The smile that softened the sides of your lips no longer belonged to someone who was almost in love.

You reached out suddenly for his hand before he could react. You guided his palm to your face, nuzzling into his warm touch, delighting in the soft scratch of bandages against your cheek. "I know. I'm sorry too, for not mentioning it sooner."

I love you, it was the three words you still left unsaid. Because not quite, not yet. Although the way Dazai's fingers curled against the shell of your ear, the way he stepped forward to tug you into his sturdy chest — something about it all whispered the words I love you, too.

from this lovely nonnie // writing requests!

[dailynakaharachuuya]

Do Dazai hugging Chuuya!

One of those days