#buddy if you were expecting it to that was a stupid expectation and your disappointment is on you

[nientedal]

wish the megawhiners would stop tagging their fucking hate. go make a "megacritical" tag or some shit and stop being so boring and annoying in the megamind one, ugh.

time to go on a blocking spree lmao.

[wonder-worker]

A.J Pollard’s biography on Edward IV was so cringe lol (generic; minor but frustrating inaccuracies; intensely judgmental at times and oddly dismissive at others while never considering the broader context; entirely diminished and trivialized Elizabeth Woodville as both queen and wife of his main subject in the name of "defending" her; created a false dichotomy between Edward and Henry VII’s styles of ruling and lauded the latter at the former’s expense even though Henry literally followed Edward’s example for the very things Pollard was criticizing Edward for; had a downright nonsensical and thoroughly misleading conclusion about Edward’s legacy & Richard’s usurpation that was based entirely on hindsight, Pollard's own assumptions, and the complete downplaying Richard’s agency and actions to emphasize what Pollard wrongly and misleadingly claimed were Edward's so-called 'failings', etc, etc)

I wanted to buy his book on Henry V but after reading this shitshow and the synopsis of that book, im guessing it's going to be 10x worse, so...no thanks

[long-live-astronerd-ghost-king]

DPXDC prompt. Dead on main. Someone who knows you better than you know yourself.

Perhaps Fentons are not able to recognize their child, despite the fact that they hunt him day after day. But for childhood friends, who saw each other in absolutely ridiculous situations that parents are never allowed to know about, just one sneeze and a bored sigh is enough to realize that this weirdo fighting next to him is the same guy with whom you tasted soap and then stood looking at each other from different corners and giggling.

And so, the dialogue after the battle with the creatures of Infinite Realms, to which Constantine had to invite a potential ally not yet approved by the League:

Phantom: Well, mom always said you were bad news...But a crime lord, seriously? What happened to your plans to become a literature teacher? Red Hood: Hey! For Gotham, this is a very high-paying in-demand job. And I don't want to hear anything from Casper. At least I have my own business. What kind of part-time job do you have? Are you selling sheets to your buddies from this green goo? Phantom: This is ectoplasm. And they're not my friends, and anyway… Constantine: King Phantom, do you know Red Hood? Phantom: Do I know him? Ha! This street rat was Splinter of my beginnings until my family moved out of Gotham.

Red Hood: Wait, wait a minute. Phah...Holy shit. I thought I was the best example of what it means to be a disappointment to a family, but you beat me here. Oh, man, only you...The ghost king who is the son of the ghost hunters? Seriously? Hahah! I thought your rebellious phase ended the moment you told your father that you wanted to be an astronaut and not inherit the family business.

Danny*groans and covers his face with his hands*: My life is over.

Red Hood: Literally~ No, of course I always knew that your parents' disregard for safety in the laboratory would someday kill someone, but I didn't really expect this? Like, wow… Phantom: What makes you think it was an incident in the lab? I mean, there are so many possibilities around. It's ridiculous and…hah Red Hood: Dude, look me straight in the face and tell me I'm wrong if you dare. Phantom:…Fuck you, stupid bookworm. Red Hood: Stubborn nerd. Phantom: Red bucket! Red Hood: Pale toadstool! Nightwing: Um, can you guys please stop fighting? Red Hood: What are you talking about? This is how we always communicate. Phantom: Yeah! Well, in our defense, my sister always thought we both could use a therapist. Oh, man, he made me lose my train of thought. Where were we, J? Red Hood: Since when are you able to think? And I complimented your new hair and skin color. Phantom: Right, right… But, hey, not all of my parents' hypotheses really have a right to exist, and you know it! Hm, did I mention that you're built like a fridge and how does this leather jacket suit you? Red Hood: I believe not. And who's talking about your parents' work? You were an airhead when you were alive too to be honest. And as I see it, not much has changed. Why the hell are you still starting a fight with puns? Stop telling your opponent your position. This is terribly stupid! Phantom: Oh, please, these ghosts are definitely not a threat to me. What's wrong with having a little fun? The fact that you don't have weapons to handle something stronger than a blob ghost is your problem not mine, loser. But let's get back to our greetings. Red Hood: Sure. Then listen here…

~~~~~

Nightwing: Jay, why didn't you say right away that you knew Phantom? We've wasted so much time wondering if it's worth summoning him, and you just stood there and said nothing. Red Hood: Pfff…Because I didn't know that until today. He used to be human. And we haven't seen each other for a long time. So how was I to know that he would take such a ridiculous pseudonym? Nightwing: Then why the hell didn't you feel worried about teasing this creature? Red Hood: Why should I? It's just Danny.

~~~~

Tucker: Oh man, 84 murders, attempts to kill Joker and to much fights with Batman and Black Mask and… Danny: Yeah, yeah. It's all very interesting, but it's not what I asked you to find. Get to the point, Tucker. What I will wear to our dinner tonight depends on this. Tucker: Seriously? As far as I'm concerned, whether he's single or not is less important than all this shit. Aren't you afraid to show up at his house? Danny: I'm invited. And for that matter, I'm Amity Park's former public enemy number one. Which one of us should be worried, hah? So he's not dating anyone, right? Don't try to distract me. Tucker: Dude! Danny: Ugh, in my experience, when he acts like he's lost his mind, he usually has good reasons for it. And if not, given some of the events of my alternative future, I have no right to judge him, so…

[leonfucker3000]

under the mistletoe

married!Leon S Kennedy x engaged!fem!reader

Warnings: 16+, cheating, sex with feelings, vaginal sex, oral sex (f receiving),bathroom sex, mirror sex, modern au but not really because I know their dumbasses don’t have enough friends for a Christmas party, reader has morals until she doesn’t

wc: 2.5k

Yap: I wrote this last year for smutmas LMFAO, posting it here so I’m not forgotten, IM WORKING ON STUFF I SWEAR !! The ending is rushed and bad, and Leon says some corny fucking shit

not proofread, sorry chat

Arm-in-arm with Chris, you make your way up the snowy steps of the brown-bricked house. From the front patio, you could hear the faint sounds of Christmas music and bottles popping.

“I thought you said this was gonna be small.” a faint murmur comes from your lips, disappointment clear in your face from the lie your fiancé told you to get you here. You told him before you weren’t interested in anything noisy or busy or crowded , even told him to visit his friends alone and that you’d be fine waiting for him to get back.

“That’s what they told me too, we can head back—”

“It’s fine. Not gonna keep you from your friends.” Just don’t expect me to be social, you want to add on, but don’t due to the small smile on his face. He’s sweet. Ignorant, but sweet. In his own way, you suppose. 

You’re hit with overpowering peppermint and alcohol scent when you walk through the door, christmas spirit aside, the inside looks nice. Warm, inviting, homey, where you should be with Chris but he’s – he presses a kiss to your forehead, muttering a small I’ll be back as he goes to find his buddies – gone. 

A price to pay for future happiness.

⋆⋅•⋅⊰∙∘⋆ ❆ ⋆∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋆

You try to distract yourself, pleasantries to mutual friends and others you definitely (do not) remember. If you had more sleep the night before, maybe you’d be up for drinks and dancing and actual conversation rather than this. Whatever this is. “Don’t look too happy to be here either.” A gruff voice from behind you snaps you out of your trance. 

“Weren’t you the one that invited us, Leon?” You click your tongue as you turn around to face him, he looks tired but prettily so. Fucker.  

He huffs out a laugh and shakes his head, “Not one for these, thought you knew me better. Just thought that I’d enjoy it more with people…” he looks you up and down for a fleeting moment, “...like me.”

“Like you in what sense? Alcoholic or asshole?” 

“Both, either, neither. Just wanted to see some friends, that’s all.”

You hum and motion with your head, “Chris is over there. Not here.”

“I know.”

The both of you are silent, no matter what you say, you’re sure Leon has a counter. A quip, a joke, something that’s definitely going to get the both of you in trouble. “Guess we’re going with Alcoholic You, then. Drinks?”

“And you say we’re not friends. Let’s go.” He says with a hand sliding to the small of your back, resting right above your ass – too close, too risky for a married man and an engaged woman, too stupid. You bite your tongue and let him lead you to the host’s makeshift bar, saying anything is a reaction and a reaction is what he wants, at least you assume so.

“We’re not. You know this, I know this, maybe even God if we dig deep enough.”

“Okay, well, it’s not that deep so let’s just have a nice night as friends, yeah?”

A sigh leaves you for the nth time that night, “Sure.”

Moving through the seemingly never-ending crowd of drunk couples, you’re soon to realize your mistake of keeping quiet when he stops and looks up, then back at you. Eyebrows furrowed and mood shifted, you follow his eyes up and – “Absolutely not.” a fucking mistletoe. You saw other people under the mistletoe who were most definitely in committed relationships kiss others but that’s not you . You thought it wasn’t him either from the way he looked at Ada. Another terrible assumption.

Leon scoffs and rolls his eyes, “It’s tradition. ‘S just a kiss, doesn’t need to mean anything.”

“It wouldn’t mean anything if we were both single, but we’re very much fucking not, so–”

“No one’s looking, just us. Chris won’t mind, Ada…won’t either.” A weak excuse, both the mistletoe and his pathetic they don’t need to know . “Friends kiss.”

“Right, you mean unmarried ones. On the cheek. Platonically.”

“Will you just–” He groans as he cups your face in his hands and pulls you to meet his lips, sloppily and messily kissing you and licking the seam of your lips. You stumble and he pushes you against the kitchen archway, guests too unbothered to realize what’s going on in front of them. For a moment, you kiss back, hands tugging on his hair – girlfriend, fiancée, wife – you pull away with a sharp gasp, heavy worry and guilt.  

Now you really need that fucking drink.

You blink up at him, “Wish I could’ve done more.” He speaks, fighting himself for being weak but also not regretting a thing because it’s you and he definitely wants you. “Looking real pretty tonight and Chris is an idiot for leaving his soon-to-be-wife alone. So really, this is his fault.”

“You’re fucking crazy.” 

“For you.”

You hate him for going against your wishes, hate him for making a joke about it, hate the fact that despite everything, you liked it . Whore, Slut, Hoe, all of the above and definitely not the loyal fiancée you promised you’d be. “This can’t–can’t happen again.”

“Right.” He whispers, soft and hushed, had you not known any better, you might’ve thought he was sorry.

You turn to leave and avoid him for the rest of the night, suddenly feeling confident enough to be social after all to get your mind off what the fuck just happened. But nothing works. Not drinks or jokes or even Chris himself. Ironically, he points out the mistletoe and drags you under it to kiss you. 

It’s firm, possessive and used to make you feel giddy but all you feel right now is unadulterated shame. All that’s swirling through your mind isn’t the loops of red and green christmas streamers and tinsel – it’s Leon. You two didn’t even talk much, don’t know how you caught his eye or why he’d want you when he has a pretty wife of 2 years with him.

You pull away and Chris gives you another quick peck, “Know you don’t like stuff like this, I appreciate it, really.” he whispers, and you feel like a bitch again. He’s so – he’s too good for you. “When we get back, ‘ll make sure to make it up to you.” 

You smile, all weary and shy, too bad while he’s fucking you, you’ll be imagining someone else. “Can’t wait.” Before you can even be pulled away by Chris again, a hand slides up your back and another on Chris’ shoulder. 

Fuck fuck fuck. Someone saw you and is going to tell Chris. Say goodbye to stability and long-lasted love and–  

“Get a room, will you?” Leon says as he pats Chris’ shoulder, a little more forceful than needed, but if Chris noticed, he didn’t let it show. “Had Ada rolling her eyes at the two of you more than usual. A new record.”

You force a tight smile while Chris is at ease, “Of course you two have the most shit to say.” he chuckles.

“Mhm, yeah, so, mind if I borrow you for a minute?” Leon’s hand falls from Chris’ shoulder as he looks at you.

“Um.” Chris was a patient man, really was, but if you’re uncomfortable, he’s uncomfortable, and right now–

“Sure, just make it quick.” You mutter, glancing at Chris with a nervous smile, “I’ll be back.” 

⋆⋅•⋅⊰∙∘⋆ ❆ ⋆∘∙⊱⋅•⋅⋆

How you ended up in a half-bathroom with Leon, perched up onto the sink counter with your legs wrapped around his waist will always be beyond you. He kissed you like he did before, almost holding no rhythm as he did it like it’d be the last time. “Fucking–” he groaned, “beautiful.” He pulled away briefly to press wet, open-mouthed kisses down your neck and shoulder. “You don’t know how long I’ve wanted to do this.”

“Shouldn’t be admitting that, it's– oh –not okay.” It’s definitely not okay that you’re here with him, and it’s definitely not okay that him biting you is enough to make you shudder. How the fuck are you going to explain this to Chris? Leon bit me to test out my skin durability? 

“I know, just can’t help it when it’s you. Sweet girl, always on my mind.” He tried, really did. Tried being happy when Chris introduced you, tried ignoring how sweet you looked, tried ignoring you and the image of eating you out that kept him warm on many lonely nights. Couldn’t even do it with Ada without your face popping up in his head when he came. “Would ask if you thought of me, too, but I guess we both know the answer to that.” 

He knew, knew that as much as he wanted you, up until now it was Chris. The hopeful part of him convinces himself you just buried it deep down like him and that’s why he can finally be between your pretty legs, pressed up against your pretty body and soon enough, pretty pussy. You make him feel dizzy.

“Leon–” 

“Yeah, just keep sayin’ my name and that’ll make it better.” He kisses you for good measure, thinks that if you say anything other than his name or oh god, he’ll lose it. You tug on his hair again and he groans, “Let me eat you out, needa give that pretty pussy just as much kisses.”

He doesn’t give you time to retaliate or even think about what he said before pushing your dress up and dropping to his knees, kissing up your thighs and removing your panties. He makes sure to put your legs over his shoulders, tongue delving right onto your pussy. Your fingers latch onto his hair and he gives you a muffled groan.

Your plush thighs push against his face and, fuck, it’s better than anything he’s ever had, he won’t need alcohol after this because you’re just as addicting, if not more, as he drinks in your pussy like he’s parched. “ Fuckk ,” he groans into you, all muffled and slurred “ tastes so fucking good.” 

Your legs are shaking and thank-fucking-god you’re sitting on the sink counter, music blasts from outside as you pant and moan while his tongue flicks with fucking talent. His mouth makes you feel dizzy, even more so when he plunges two fingers inside your cunt, his eyebrows furrow when you pull particularly hard – heaven is what he thinks.

He concentrates his lips and tongue on your clit as you rock against his face, “ Leon,” you gasp, nearly crying out above him and yes, his imagination didn’t do you any justice because his name falling from your lips is a wet dream. 

He taps your thigh, voice all hoarse and strained, “Gotta keep quiet, can’t have them seeing you like this – this is for me .” He’s so hard it hurts but he’ll endure anything just so you’ll come on his fingers and tongue.

You whine, biting your lip to keep in your sounds and he feels your body trembling , the pressure of his tongue was insistent and your body twitched when his fingers aligned with the rhythm of his tongue, “oh fuck, oh fuckfuckfuck,’ you cover your mouth as you let out a muffled cry, legs wrapping around his head so tight he can barely breathe but holy shit does he not care.

You come, blissed out and shaking – he thinks you’re pretty. He’s an idiot for this, he really doesn’t care. 

He presses a small kiss to your thigh, getting up off his knees as his thumb rubs small circles on your skin, “You okay?” he whispers, mouth sore and dick straining against his pants makes his voice low. 

“Mmhmm,” you reply dumbly and slurred, “never better.”

He feels pride swell up in his chest when you say that, he made you feel good – better than Chris keeps replaying in his mind. “Not done with you yet, can you stand?”

“Maybe in 5 minutes.” He doesn’t have 5 minutes, you don't have 5 minutes – he needs it now. He helps you off the counter and pushes you forward, bending you over the sink. You faintly hear the sound of fabric and metal before feeling him slide between your folds and nudge against your entrance. “Leon–”

“Need it, honey. Gonna give it to me, yeah?”

Fuck it, you’ve made it this far. “Yeah.” you say breathlessly. 

You can’t mutter out another word when he doesn’t wait a second more to slide into you, his nails dimpling spots on your hips when he grips tighter. You cry out when he pulls out and shoves himself to the hilt, his left hand covering your mouth, “ Quiet.” he hisses, groaning when he snaps his hips again, not stopping until his rhythm is relentless. 

Whines and moans are faded against his hand, he’s panting and groaning against your ear, “Feels –fuckk – so much fucking better than I imagined.” he pulls his hand and your head back a little so you’re looking in the mirror. Fuck explaining a bite mark to Chris – you’re a mess. Sweat dripping from your forehead and eyes glossy as you look blissed out and absolutely fucked . “See that?” he shudders, “That’s us, you don’t take your fucking eyes off it.” 

You nod quickly against his hand as the room fills with the sound of skin against skin and choked back moans and panting. Your eyelids feel heavy as you look in the mirror, Leon’s face is flushed and his hair is wet with sweat as he fucks you like it’s the last thing he’ll ever do. 

He watches your face as you take all of him, all pretty and teary-eyed, you’ve ruined him for everyone else. “I'm gonna come again,” your voice is faint against his hand, barely able to even get out any words because he has you teetering on the edge as his balls slap against your clit. You feel yourself tightening around his cock and his hips stutter.

“Shit–that right?” You nod eagerly as you keep your eyes on him, “atta girl, ‘m gonna get at least 3 out of you.”

“I c’nt–” 

“Yes you can,” he slurs, “for me, you fucking can.”

Your walls clamp down on him hard, spasming from your second orgasm, and he moans. He bites his lip as he pulls out, warm come spurting on your ass as he holds onto the counter in front of you for balance, chest pressed against your back. ‘ Fuck. ” he moans.

Your eyelids flutter when he licks his lips and presses a small kiss onto your shoulder. “Jesus Christ, leon. I dunno if I can…do another.” you pant.

“Don’t have a choice, honey, just need you ontop of me.”

You open your mouth to speak but a sharp knock hits against the bathroom door, “Can you hurry the fuck up? I gotta piss n – oh okay.” footsteps retreat and you look at Leon, huffing out a small laugh.

“Gonna have to wait.”

“A real shame.’

You straighten yourself on shaky legs and look in the mirror, “oh my fucking–”

“I’ll get you an Uber and tell Chris you started feeling sick.” he offers. Right. Chris. Fiancé, love of your life Chris. Shit. “It was worth it.” he breaks your train of thought, “Good thing we didn’t break tradition.”

You swallow. “Right.”

He kisses you, slower this time.

Happy-fucking-holidays to you.

[writemekpop]

Birthday Blues (Part 1) | Na Jaemin

Summary: When Jaemin thinks you’ve forgotten his birthday, you have the biggest argument you've ever had.

Genre: Boyfriend!Jaemin, angst

Word Count: 1k

Jaemin was furious. It was his birthday today, and you, his girlfriend of three years, had forgotten about it.

When he woke up this morning, he could barely contain his excitement. He was expecting to see you in something red and lacey, get breakfast in bed, and have some delicious morning loving.

But to his disappointment, he woke up to you, moody, sweaty, and hurling into the bin. You were hungover from your girls’ night out the previous evening.

Soon, it was 7PM, and you still hadn’t mentioned Jaemin’s birthday.

“Could we stop by Yuta’s bar before we go home?” You asked. “They’re having a special offer. Five cocktails for five pounds! I heard they make your vomit look all rainbow-y.”

Jaemin scoffed. “That sounds just fantastic. But two nights in a row? Are you sure this drinking thing isn’t becoming a problem? Plus…” He scratched the back of his neck, awkwardly. “Isn’t there something else you’d rather be doing… especially today?”

“What’s so special about today?” you said, shaking your head. “Come on, it’s only a mile away. Do you have money for an Uber? I left my wallet at home.”

“You’re so freaking forgetful,” Jaemin snapped.

You raised your hands in surrender. “Alright, jeez! It’s just a wallet.”

“It’s not just that! What about my cat? You forgot to feed Sushi all week while I was in Morocco. She nearly starved to death! Or what about when you forgot where you parked my BMW, and I had to miss Jeno’s leaving party to search for it! And what about my bir-“

Jaemin stopped mid-sentence when he realised that you weren’t listening to him. You were busy typing away on your iPhone.

Jaemin yanked the phone out of your manicured fingers and threw it onto the floor. The screen cracked.

You gasped. Putting your smashed phone into your pocket, you turned to your boyfriend.

“Can we just… go inside?” You pointed at the bar. “I promise, everything will be-“

“Oh my god,” Jaemin said, cutting you off. “Why are you so desperate to go inside? If you really want to see your friends so much then, let’s go.”

Jaemin grabbed your arm tightly and pulled you through the door.

The inside of the bar was pitch black.

“Would you look at that?” Jaemin spat. “It’s empty. Did you forget what time you were supposed to meet up? God, why are you so dumb?”

“Jaem-“ You waved frantically at him, but he wouldn’t stop.

“You’re so disorganised… and- you’re lazy! It’s my birthday and all you’ve done is whine about your own stupid life. Why do you have to be so fucking selfish? We are done, you… you bitch!”

You and Jaemin stared at each other in stony silence. Jaemin was panting, and you were fighting back tears.

Just then, the lights flickered on.

“S-surprise,” came a bunch of unsure voices.

Jaemin turned around to see the shocked and disapproving faces of everyone he loved staring back at him.

A live band in the corner started to play ‘Happy Birthday’, but someone told them to shut up.

The room was filled with fifty of his friends, parents, cousins, colleagues… Haechan was standing in the middle of the crowd, holding a huge three-tier chocolate cake. A big banner saying Happy Birthday, Jaemin hung from the wall.

Jaemin turned to you. “You… did all this?”

Your face was wet with tears. You pushed past Jaemin and ran out of the door.

“Wait!” Jaemin shouted, but it was too late.

“Way to go, buddy,” Renjun said, slapping him a little too hard on his back. “It’s called a surprise party… ever heard of it? Y/n spent weeks organising it.”

Jaemin tugged a hand through his hair, throat dry. “I’ve really messed things up, haven’t I?”

Renjun rolled his eyes. “Welcome back to Singles Night, bud. We missed you.”

---

Jaemin ran all the way home. When he saw you in the bedroom, his heart surged. You hadn’t left!

You were facing away, standing by the open wardrobe.

“What are you doing?” Jaemin asked, frowning.

You spun around at the sound of his voice. “Packing. You said it yourself, J, we’re done.”

Jaemin ran towards you and pulled the bag from your hands. “I didn’t mean any of that! I was just… angry. I’m so sorry, Y/n.”

You shook your head, taking the bag back. “Jaemin… you called me a bitch. Do you not respect me at all? How can you expect me to stay with you after that?”

Jaemin crumpled onto the bed, tears threatening to spill. He hugged his knees tight. “I’m sorry,” he croaked.

You sat beside him on the bed, shoulders drooping.

“I’m sorry, too,” you whispered. “You deserve someone… better.”

“No!” Jaemin shook his head. “Please don’t leave me.” He leant his head against your shoulder, crying.

You sat in silence for a moment. Then you sucked in a deep breath and stood up.

“I have to,” you said. “Goodbye, Jaemin.”

You walked out of the room. A few moments later, Jaemin heard the thud of the front door.

Jaemin stood up. He looked at the picture frame on the bedside table, it was of you and him, laughing whilst sharing an ice cream.

He picked it up and threw it against the wall, screaming. The glass shattered.

He ran into the living room, head spinning. That’s when he saw it.

There was a small box on the coffee table, wrapped with a purple bow, and a message that said ‘HAPPY BIRTHDAY JAEMIN’. He opened the box, fingers trembling.

Inside was a sleek brass ring. He picked it up and read the inscription on the ring.

“Y/n and Nana forever.”

What a fool he was.

Part 2 coming soon...

—

MAIN MASTERLIST

Let us know what you thought in the comments or on anon! 💋

[fooled-around-and-fell]

squared away.

summary: carmen gets to see the present you and finally finds the courage to talk to you again.

pairing: carmen berzatto x female reader

warnings: cursing.

a/n: this is a sequel to square one, i suggest reading it first so some things would make more sense.

Masterlist

-----

previously...

"no, wait." carmen chases after you. "i just... fuck, i'm not good with words, okay? i don't know how to say it."

"yeah? maybe leave for another 7 years and see if you can figure that out."

carmen stays silent and that angers you even more. you smile bitterly, "you know what, let me make it easier for you this time."

"goodbye, carmen."

-----

of course, it's not actually goodbye.

you were trying to make a point and it just slipped out of your mouth because you were angry at carmen. you still are. but it's been a few days since that encounter, and you wonder if you were too harsh.

no. he left without saying goodbye, that was an ass move, and he still hasn't apologized for it. so you did the right thing. right? right?

sighing, you check your phone. a text message just came from a new number, sending a picture. your eyebrows raise. you're not really sure who'd send you a picture of pasta, but the next sentence tells you who it is.

'what's for lunch?'

fucking carmen.

he used to force you to send him pictures of your meals because you'd accidentally miss a few, and now he's sending you his.

of course you don't reply. why would you? after your last conversation, it's pretty clear that you're not buddies. you close the chat and go back to work.

carmen sees the little sign that indicates you've read the message and smiles. you didn't send anything back, but that's expected. at least you opened the message.

he knew it was a bad idea when he left for new york without telling you anything, but he couldn't bring himself to. with everything that was going on with mikey, he just.. he had to get away fast. start anew.

he thought about texting you every day, letting you know how sorry he is and how he's doing in new york... but the long paragraphs end up being deleted, and he hates himself more because of it.

why can't he be good with words? why can't he just say what he's been dying to tell you for the past 7 years? that he misses you? that he wants you around? that he wants nothing but to hug you and hold you close because you're his home?

that's what you are to him. a sense of home that's none of the craziness he faces every day, a sense of peace because god knows he fucking needs that in his life... but carmen's hobby is self-sabotage. he doesn't think he deserves it. and honestly, looking at how sad, disappointed you were the other day, does he really deserve a second chance?

...maybe he shouldn't have sent that text message after all.

sighing, he locks his phone and gets back to work.

hours later as carmen's closing up, he sees that there's still some leftover tiramisu that marcus made earlier today. you love tiramisu- or, well, 7 years ago, you loved tiramisu. he wonders if you still do.

he takes a few pictures of the dessert, chooses the best looking one and sends it to you.

'you still love tiramisu?'

you scoff. is he trying to show off or something?

yes, you still love tiramisu. and the picture he sent looks amazing. the first time you had the dessert was actually with carmen. it was his first time making it, and though you were nervous you gladly volunteered to taste it.

safe to say it was heavenly. carmen's always had culinary talents, and you're happy that he got to dive deep into that industry. you just wish you could've been part of it... however small.

...is that selfish?

but carmen's talking to you again. you're still too upset to text him back, but that means something, right? can it mean a second chance?

your heart is beating a bit faster when you read his message again and you curse yourself. you leave a small heart on his tiramisu picture and lock your phone.

stupid carmen.

-----

"why is he smiling?"

syd asks sugar, who sees carmen chopping some veg with a smile on his face. it's weird.

carmen's not usually one to smile, but that little heart you left him last night made a bigger impact than he thought it would. he actually didn't expect you to react in any way at all, so it was a nice little surprise.

"hey chef," carmen greets marcus when he steps into the kitchen, "amazing tiramisu yesterday. any chance you can make an extra batch today?"

"sure." marcus answers. "planning to indulge in it yourself, chef?"

syd and sugar motions marcus to cut it out, curtly dragging their fingers across their throats, worried that carmen might take offense or wake up from his... happy state.

"no, it's-it's for a friend." he smiles, and marcus swears he can see angels flying above his head.

"chef, are you okay?"

carmen's eyebrow raises. "yeah, why?"

"nothing, just.. uh... yeah I'll get that tiramisu ready for you by the end of the day."

"thanks chef."

the service today is tough. for some reason it's extra crowded, and everyone's just getting in each other's nerves. carmen didn't even get the chance to eat lunch - or dinner, fuck it's 8pm already. closing time.

carmen says he's going to close tonight, so he does. the tiramisu is sitting in the fridge as marcus promised, and carmen wonders if he'll be able to deliver it to you tonight. it's late, he doesn't know where you live... fuck. he checks his phone and finds no text from you. expected, of course, but the delusional side of carmen was hoping you'd send him something-

ha. why would you send him anything? you made it very clear the other night that you still hate him... but you also liked his tiramisu picture... carmen sighs and continues scrubbing the counter.

he mutters to himself, "fucking stupid-"

he suddenly hears someone clear their throat behind him and finds you standing by the kitchen door. "hey."

"o-oh hey." is he dreaming?

"sorry we're.. closed- but i could whip up something real quick for you if you want- or, i actually have a-"

"i ran into sugar on the way home." you cut his sentence. "she said you haven't eaten anything all day and so i went- i mean, she told me to give you this." you hand him a takeout box from a nearby restaurant. it wasn't sugar that got him the food -- you did. you ran into sugar, but she just told you carmen was alone in the restaurant and figured you two needed that push.

carmen takes the box from your hands. "t-thanks."

you nod and slowly step back. "okay, i'm gonna go now."

"wait, wait!" carmen races to the fridge to get the tiramisu and packs it up for you. "i had marcus make extra today. saved it for you."

a small smile forms across your lips and you take the box. "thanks."

he nods and you turn to go home. but carmen stops you this time. "you're about to go home? walking?"

"yeah," you turn to look at him again. "it's just around the corner."

he sets the rag he's holding aside and washes his hands. "i'll walk you." he leads you out of the kitchen and out of the restaurant.

"you don't have to do that." you say, "it's really near."

he shoots your a look, "look, you can hate me all you want, but i'm not letting you walk home alone."

you stay quiet and turn to walk home, letting him walk next to you in silence. you clutch the box with tiramisu in it and take a glance at carmen, wondering what he's thinking about. does he really think you hate him?

"i don't hate you, carm."

carmen raises his brow.

"maybe a little. i don't know." you sigh. "i want to hate you for leaving, for not telling me, for disappearing. and every time i see you, it's always a mix of feelings. i miss you so much but i'm so mad at you for leaving, but you're back, but you hurt me- you get the idea."

he takes in what you said. "i know. and i'm sorry. i shouldn't have just left like that without saying anything.. i just.. i had to get away fast, and at the time it was easier to leave just like that. i thought it wouldn't haunt me, but it does. you don't deserve to be treated like that."

you offer him a small smile and stop in front of your apartment building. "thanks carm. and sorry for saying all that stuff to you the other day."

"i deserved it." he shrugs. "anyway, thanks for the food."

you chuckle.

"yeah, i know it's not from sugar." he smiles. "only you'd get me chinese takeout. sugar hates that place."

"i forgot about that." you smile back. "it's getting late. i should head up. thanks for walking me home."

he nods. "any time. goodnight."

"goodnight, carmen."

carmen's heart is trying its best not to jump out of his chest, and he forces himself to walk away once you've closed the door. he tries to hide his smile, but can't help the happiness bubbling up inside of him.

"hey carm!" he hears you call out to him again from the second floor window.

"wanna come up?"

----

long overdue part 2 😬

[fairsexynasty]

∞ ₒ 🏆˚ ° 🏈 WHO’S FREER THAN ME?

+*:🐅:* joe burrow x fem!reader

summary: talk, talk, talk. it’s like men were conditioned to do only that. will they ever listen to you? questions plague your mind during a night out with joe. except, you’re not physically with him, quite unfortunately so.

warnings: SMUT. oral (fem receiving), squirting, fingering (fem receiving), daddy kink, dom/sub, subspace, mentions of spanking, dacryphilia mention, jealous!joe, asshat men

a/n: and she’s finally here! and she’s looking gorg <3

You figured that it was natural to get yourself caught up in tricky situations. The night before, you were adamant on the fact that parties were insipid and required an amount of fucks you personally couldn’t give. But damn it, Joe. It wasn’t on purpose, but his eyes practically begged you to accompany him to the stupid thing, and the last thing you wanted was Joe standing against a wall, drink in hand, disappointed you hadn’t tagged along. So after a period of begging (and kissing,) you reluctantly agreed to go to the party.

And it was terrible.

Never once in your life did you have to interact with such vapid, arrogant adults who had pools of beer and other mystery alcohols spilling down their shirts. It smelled like a gym and a bar at the same exact time, and the smell was so unrelenting, you excused yourself and headed upstairs.

Passing by multiple guys who had always been assholes to you out of attraction, made it to a secluded hallway, dim with dying overhead floral lights. At some point, Joe was pulled away by guys who animatedly conversed with him in what was probably their first-ever conversation with your boyfriend.

Footsteps padded along the stairs and you prayed it would be your boyfriend, for he at least had some decency to not stomp on some rando’s carpet. Unfortunately, you were met with— well, you didn’t know his name.

“Hey, didn’t expect to see you here!” He greeted you. The look you gave made him say his name, but frustratingly enough, you hadn’t heard him. You stared up at him through the rim of your cup, a white line appearing in your vision and cutting off his torso.

“I, uh, I don’t find myself at parties a lot. Out of my own volition.” Perhaps, if you were sardonic enough, he would leave you the fuck alone and you’d be able to hide out in the bathroom for the rest of the night. Nothing like sitting atop a polished granite slab, feeling the surface vibrate in pulses beneath you.

‘What’s-his-face’ gives a stupid chortle. He’s finding you amusing, which is literally the opposite of what you want from him. “Oh, so you’re a cool girl, aren’t you?”

No. No, no, no, not this gimmick.

Rule one of interacting with men you don’t like, is never to make them think you’re a cool girl, which is another word for “My own personal manic pixie dream girl.” Once they think that, you’re free game, no matter how hard you try to rope yourself back in. And now, ‘What’s-his-face’ has pulled the buoy cord out of the water, leaving you stranded with him for god knows how long.

He asks you about your favorite SNL sketches, how many Blur songs you can name, and whether or not you caught the Sunday football game. Your stomach shifts inside your body, his douchebag aura making you feel queasy, and now you’re yearning for your boyfriend who is most likely surrounded by other douchebags like the one in front of you. You should have handcuffed yourself to Joe. Should have tackled him down the stairs and knocked him out before he stepped foot outside your house. Maybe, you should have driven all the way to get ice cream instead and fuck him after.

But you didn’t, and now you have to pay the price.

“It’s really nice that you’re listening, typically girls start talking about other stuff when I’m talking, it’s really kind of you.” Ugh. No fucking way. Then, he placed a fucking hand on your arm. “Wanna get out of here?”

Before you can slap him in the face, Joe turns him around by his shoulder. “No, but I think you should, right buddy? I mean, look at her. She’s obviously not interested, and would rather shoot herself than talk to you.” You let out a laugh because there’s no one who understands you more than Joe does. “Don’t you?”

It strikes you as strange, it even incenses you. What the hell do you mean by that, Joe? You grab his hand and start pulling him with you, not bothering to bid goodbye to the other guy.

“I want to leave,” you start as the two of you trudge down the stairs. “Got it?”

Joe rolls his eyes but acquiesces to your request. He grabs his keys from his pocket and the two of you are out the door.

The car ride back to your apartment is silent. Dead silent. Once you arrive home, you make a dash for the door, choosing not to wait for Joe.

“Babe,” he calls out. He catches up and closes the door behind him. His hand runs over his face. “The hell was that?”

“You know I don’t like parties, I told you I didn’t want to go.”

“Yeah, initially, but then you eventually agreed, right?”

You groan in frustration. “I lied, Joe.”

“So why are you mad at me because you lied? If you wanted to leave, you could have told me, but you let that douche chat you up instead.” He walks toward you and holds your chin with his pointer and thumb.

“You know I didn’t like him,” you say in earnest and avoiding eye contact.

“Really? Because I can’t read your mind, baby. Tell me what you need.” The air grows thick with tension. Suddenly you feel hot, overcome with a warmth fueled by Joe radiating jealousy. You also feel a bit of pompousness in the mix, knowing Joe is feeding off of the fact you’re caught in a now precarious situation. His eyes seem as if they’re smirking at your own, his lids curving at the ends, irises as blue as sapphire. He’s teasing you, making you wait for him to quit the unrelenting gaze that was so stimulating.

You decide to take his thumb into your mouth, wrapping your pouted lips around the digit. Your throat began to meet with his thumb almost immediately and you moaned, wondering how his fingers would feel in you.

Head moving back and letting Joe’s thumb fall from your mouth, a string of saliva trailed to your lips, you immediately go dumb for him. “Need you to fuck me, daddy.” Glossy eyes bat three times at him. “Please?”

It’s almost shameful to you that you put yourself in this position every single time. It’s almost shameful how you go dumb as soon as your arousal gets sexual, as if all you’ve built yourself up to be washes away in the waves of fuck me now. But it does fill you with pride in the end, because you hold the key to Joe’s satisfaction, and you’re the only person who does him as well as you do.

“That’s my girl,” a low coo of pleasantry. He scoops you up in his arms and you let out a squeal of surprise. Joe walks to your bedroom, slipping your shoes off and dropping them on the floor along the way. He gently lays you on top of the sheets, holding your head as he leans in to kiss you.

Moaning into the kiss, your hands take the rein in his hair, fingers already carding through the blond. Joe tugs at your bottom lip, making you drop your jaw just a bit so he can explore inside your mouth.

You find it astonishing. To be concise, Joe’s pretty selfish— but it’s how he takes things for himself that renders you wanton. The way he bites on your skin and soothes it after. How his hands direct your body in any way of his choosing. When he holds your head up as you cum to make sure he can see the stars in your eyes.

Your legs spread immediately as Joe enters the space between them. He takes his time trailing hot kisses down your neck, then down your torso after removing your top and bra. His fingers dance upon your jean-clad thighs, tap-tap-tapping upwards to your button and zipper, then work in a quick fashion to rid you of your bottoms. You’re left in just your panties and they’re soaked with your wetness, turning a shade darker than the original where it covers your core.

Joe’s eyes glimmer with an unsatiable want to ruin you. His fingers trail over your core, and you let out a breathy whimper. God, you’re pathetic. “You got really worked up didn’t you, pretty girl? How long were you waiting for me to come to save you?”

You let out a playful scoff and roll your eyes. “I don’t need to be saved, Joey. I just know you missed me so much.” Pulling him closer by his belt loops, you bite his bottom lip and pull ever-so-slightly. “Don’t tease me, daddy. Makes me upset.”

The soft sound of your purrs full of pure raunch flips a switch in Joe. Instead of wanting to fuck you dumb, slap your ass until the skin was hot to the touch, kiss the tears that never stopped running down your cheeks, the man decided he wanted you to scream for more. More, more, more. God, he could just hear it in his mind. Blessed cries of pleasure, letting his baby take whatever she wanted from him like the princess she was, that’s all he needed now.

He pounced at your neck in an attempt to distract you from what he was about to do— rip your panties apart in one swift motion, with little to no effort at all. He lowly chuckles against your pulse point, sending a shiver down your spine. As he kisses and marks his territory, his hands travel to your core and start truly exploring the wetness that coats you. His two fingers slip inside as easily as ever, and he’s grateful to realize it’s because you’ve decided he’s all you ever wanted.

“That’s my girl. So ready for daddy, aren’t you?” You nod softly and pull him into a deep kiss.

The tightness is a comfort and Joe curves his fingers to pull a moan out of you that bounces off the walls of your room. With every flick of the wrist, he feels your cunt pulse around his fingers, sucking him back in deeper each time.

His mouth leaves your neck and goes straight for your pussy, instantly latching onto your clit and sucking, hard. You let out a scream, as your mind tries to wrap around how it’s possible he makes you feel even better each time. “Fuck, s’good daddy, so good…”

Joe’s tongue parts your folds and joins his fingers in motion. The heat travels all along your body as you drip onto him. He eats you out like a man starved, licking and thrusting his tongue all over, catching every last drop of what you give to him.

The coil in your abdomen tightens and your thighs clench and shake around Joe’s head. Your hands snake down his hair and pull hard, taking rein in the blond. Your back arches over and over as you grind into his mouth, chasing your release.

After you start practically fucking yourself onto his fingers, Joe comes up and takes one good look at you. Your eyes have rolled into the back of your head, your skin sheen with sweat, and your body just looks outright divine.

“Gonna cum for daddy, honey?”

“‘M so close, gonna cum, daddy-“ You cut yourself off with a moan. He knows you’re so incredibly close that you’ve lost the ability to hold onto necessary cognition, so he gives you a couple of slaps to your clit, and soon enough you’re gushing all over his fingers. “Oh, fuck!”

“There you go, good fucking girl,” he groans,  failing to cease rubbing at your clit. He wants all of the mess that you so happily give to him. Once you’ve finished cumming and the aftershock contractions start, he finally controls himself. He dips his head back down to clean you up with his tongue, and you choke out tiny squeals.

Then, he’s done being selfish for the time being. He meets you face to face again. Your eyes lull back and forth from clear vision to a blur of Joe above you. “Come back to me, baby,” he whispers as you slowly regain consciousness. He caresses your cheek, pressing small kisses from your forehead into your hairline.

He smiles when he feels your arms wrap around him, your hold as present as your mind. “Thank you, Joey,” you whisper back. Your hands feel fabric clinging to his back, and you suddenly realize he never even got undressed. “What’s with the clothes?”

Joe smiles down at you. “A very wise woman told me that men need to listen to women in conversation. This is my special way of conversing with you, I guess.”

��Did you make a mess in your pants, Joe?”

“Not answering that.”

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I personally I'm very happy that we learned jimin's rank bpp not beacuse his rank in military mattered to me but it's because the way everyone was so keen on saying that he'll need someone to be with him ms, and he's so omega coded and he needs to be protected from horny men in military and you know what I'm talking about. Like the only ones who i saw talking about jm's athelete nature is pjms and some jkkrs but everyone else was just downplaying how he's the most martial art trained member and would excel in the training. So I'm very glad and happy and now everyone can suck their omega coded shit because they used it to degrade him.

***

My body physically recoiled when I read “omega” in your ask oh goodness.

Man, no wonder some of y’all are like this, because if all you see is people dismissing Jimin’s strength and ability to defend himself, then how wouldn’t you feel some resentment towards the fandom?

That wasn’t my experience though. In fact, ARMYs on my end of Twitter were pointing out Chelsea boots aren’t Jimin’s only tool of defense. It’s how physically strong he is compared to his innocent cherubic features that makes him such magnetic enigma. Of course, like jikook said, they decided to enlist together to support and protect each other, Jimin has explicitly referred to Jungkook helping him, but we all know it’s mutual. Jungkook adores Jimin, loves that man to death, is strong and capable but he also needs Jimin and there’s no clearer proof of that than both men enlisting together using the buddy program.

Those who think it’s because Jimin is weak are… I don’t think it’s worth any time at all trying to persuade them or even caring what they think in the first place. Anyway, I also get that seeing it can be annoying, but this is k-pop. I expect to see stupidity on a daily basis and I’m never disappointed.

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL - KISSES galore

Jan 20232 Wk 2

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

My School President (Fri YT) 6 of 10 - The mutual squealing and kicking and rolling over in bed was v cute. Tiw might actually be the greatest BL wingman of all time, yes better than Namgoong. Friend zone? Cute GMMTV, very cute. Elevator kiss, on the other hand = you little shits. Also, I’m mad you made me watch the MV because there was no way to skip through it without missing stuff. Tricky bastards. GMMTV = cute, shitty, & tricky all in one ep. Guess that’s why they’re the top of the Thai BL food chain. 

Never Let Me Go (Tues YT) 5 of 12 - We knew that this pair kisses really well, but for the characters that was a pretty stellar first kiss. I liked that we got to see Palm really want something for a change. Up until now, he’s been a pretty passive character, constantly told what to do by others, this is the first independent choice his character actually makes in this narrative. Meanwhile the action part of the bodyguard plot has begun, which makes me happy. Let the forced proximity cohabitation trope commence! With probably at least one running through the woods holding hands to come.

Between Us (Sun iQIYI) 9 of 12 - Basically a filler ep with in-your-face backstory we already sussed. Prem is doing a good job tho. WATCH ALONG HERE.

609 Bedtime Story (Fri WeTV) 8 of 11 - There was no GamesVee. I’m sad. 

Cutie Pie 2 You (special) 2 of 4 - Awwwww, how sweet they tried to give it a plot. Operative word being: tried. 

I Will Knock You (Fri Gaga) 9 of 12 - Stuff in tents. Lots of cringing blushing maiden bullshit. Noey = v bold and into public claiming. I’m not wild about this one. 

Remember Me (Sun Gaga) 14fin - Honestly, they were branded pairs so we knew ManTitle were goona kiss, but I kinda wish they hadn’t bothered. These characters just didn’t work for me as a couple. Marriage equality stinger* on this puppy. Still, what a slog. I’m only binging stuff from this studio henceforth. (Next one: Buddy Line Y Animal). Whatever. Frankly that’s my review of the show: whatever. 5/10 

* I do like that this drama teased a marriage and then intentionally never gave us that marriage on screen. For all romance genre fans, this would've felt like a slap in the face. Instead they put in a stinger that essentially said “if you want a marriage scene between men, legalize marriage in Thailand, you fuckers.” And ya know, I’m here for that. 

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

The New Employee (Korea Weds Viki) 4 of 8 - Ooo first date. Omg they are SO CUTE. There was a lot of squealing and flapping of hands on this side of the screen with the show. Also two out gay boys! Korea how far you have come in just a few short years! If adorable our baby boy’s 2 fag hags don’t get together by the end of this show, I will be a touch disappointed. (It has to be said. I’m not expecting it because this is still Korea doesn’t do sides in BL. But hope springs eternal.) Meanwhile, I like that there was actual desire expressed with these two. This is definitely one of the gayest BLs to have come out of Korea in recent years. If you’re confused like I was, that pen has the initial of baby’s ex crush from uni on it. 

HIStory 5: Love in the Future (Taiwan Weds Viki) 3 of 10 (or 6 of 20) - Classic that Taiwan has finally given us a femme character in a BL and he is predatory & evil. The secondary couple is the most adorable thing, I even forgive them a pratfall kiss, because there was a 3 piece suit involved. I am starting to like the main couple a little bit more, mostly because of the rich kid character. I love domesticity, and Taiwan always does it so well. The main character time traveler whatever remains a bit annoying, I prefer a sunshine archetype that is not intentionally naïve to the point of stupidity. Still, I’m invested. This is classic HIStory franchise. 

Candy Color Paradox AKA Ameiro Paradox (Japan Fri Gaga) 4 of 8 - It’s a bit too much second hand embarrassment and cringe for me. I hope Japan someday gives us a BL like Eternal Yesterday, where both characters are cool and no one dies. Incidentally, if you’re playing a game of spot that BL actor, the one playing the “actor character” is Izuka Kenta  (from The Novelist and Absolute BL2). WE LOVE HIM. 

The Director Who Buys Me Dinner (Korea Weds iQIYI) 9-10fin - I honestly don’t know how I feel about this one. It was more of a red thread fated mates who are fated to repeat the mistakes of the past. Shall we call it faded mates?  And I’m not sure, even though the ending is somewhat optimistic, that I am actually optimistic about it or them as a couple. So I wouldn’t call it HEA. 

Final review? Featuring a gorgeous & stellar cast, TDWBMD should have utilized them less for melodrama and more for chemistry. This BL is a unique twist on an office romance if NOT a unique twist on a doomed red thread trope, resulting in it feeling less than the sum of its parts and ultimately unsatisfying. Possibly this had to do with the fact that this was one of those KBLs where I felt how short it was the whole time, like I was missing something constantly, in every episode. No HEA. Worth watching for some but seriously flawed. 6/10

It’s Airing But I’m Not Watching It

The Star Always Follow You (Vietnam YT) - same Team RL peeps we have seen before (Sunshine, Stupid)

GMMTV’s Midnight series - first segment has begun bit it’s not the EarthMix messy gays. I’m so not interested in messy hets, so I’m waiting until they grace my screen. Moonlight Chicken (Weds YT) 1 of 8 eventually.  

Gossip

I’m gonna hold off on The Warp Effect and binge it later, after I know for sure if the BL couple makes it. 

I will be taking everyone‘s advice and not watching Till the World Ends sorry not sorry. Protecting my squishy center (also I HATE xmas carols.) 

In Case You Missed It

I posted a meta of all my 2022 wraps, top picks, industry stats, etc..

I ALSO posted the 2023 forthcoming BL master post.

Coffee Shop shorts series with the adorable couple from Ghost Host, Ghost House have a WONDERFUL new installment with "BLACK COCONUT". You should watch it. Also... try the drink. 

Love Bill (Vietnam Sat YT) starring Bah Vinh ended its run and IT’S SAD. I am so glad I waiting because now I’m not gonna watch it. So there. 

Adorable KGL Girlfriend Project, basically a very short lesbian version of Love Class. It’s cute. 

Next Week Looks Like This:

Jan 19: Individual Circumstances (Korea Thurs Viki) 8 eps - A reunion romance between a movie director who was once promising and a writer who disappeared due to past wounds. Stars JunQ (main rapper of 2nd gen group MYNAME) and Han Jung Wan (Mr International Korea winner).

2023 forthcoming BL here

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

The LOOK in his eyes. I really hope we get more than crumbs from Satang Kittiphop in the future. 

Also, that outfit, definitely an instrument of hope. (Mark is going to be in Moonlight Chicken, Cooking Crush, Last Twilight, & Only Friends this year. Apparently GMMTV’s directors like him a lot. So ALL the hope. Plus more sweater vests without shirts, please and thank you.) 

Relatable. 

FINALLY! (all are My School President, it was a GREAT ep this week) 

(last week)

Current Kpop earworm? Well Monsta X released a new single, Beautiful Liar, so yeah, THAT! 

[its-monster-mash]

Didn’t Your Momma Ever Tell You not to Talk to Strangers?

Bo Sinclair x Reader - Part One

WARNINGS: Fem!Reader, Gendered terms of endearments/insults, violent thoughts—but they don’t get enacted in this chapter, Bo is…Bo. Sexist Pig.

Part Two Part Three

Bo still thinks back on that first day he saw you.

The first thing he heard when that busted up old van rolled into town was a god awful rattling that told him the wheel bearing was beyond fucked and you were all lucky the wheel hadn’t popped right off and went careening down the highway without you.

You didn’t get his funeral act—he happened to already be hard at work when the rust bucket rolled in, so of course, he was in a pretty shit mood about having to deal with new arrivals right that second until you popped out of the window like a Dukes of Hazzard reject—your sweaty hair matted to your face and your ratty old band tee clinging to your body for dear life in the summer heat.

That lightened his mood right away—you’d look real pretty in his basement, and he was already running through all the ways he’d enjoy making you cry when he realized something awfully damn disappointing.

The rest of your little crew was packed into that van like a goddamn clown car, and judging by the outline of the knife in your tight little cut off shorts, you ladies weren’t fucking around.

But you were fuckin’ nice, weren’t you? All polite and shit. ‘Course, you couldn’t have been too awfully bright, asking the guy in the greasy coveralls if he’s a mechanic—no shit bitch; you think he just rolls around in motor oil because it smells pretty? Get fucked.

His momma would have thought you were trash—the way you were strutting around like that with all that ink in your skin—but god help him, it got him hot. Just the thought of slapping his own name down on you sent a rush through him.

He knows better though. As easy as it would be to grab you and drag you away—the way you were smiling at him like you fucking trusted him and the bullshit charming persona he was feeding you—but even he was smart enough to know that if he tried anything, your little pack of women would fall upon him like wolves—that’d be a fuckin’ stupid way to go out.

So he replaced the wheel-bearing on your friend’s shitty van, you paid him, and his eye twitched at the thought of letting you slip from his grasp when you’d been just about close enough for him to taste your blood under his teeth.

You called him a ‘Lifesaver’ before giving him a peck on the cheek and climbing back in through the window.

You had no idea how right you were—the fact that he let you walk out of Ambrose may as well have been the same thing as saving your useless life.

What a fuckin’ joke.

He didn’t figure he’d see you again after that.

~*~

That is, until two weeks later when he heard the most goddamn annoying custom horn he’d ever heard in his life, and in rolls the slutwagon—you were already leaning out the window with a big stupid smile, waving at him like you two were buddies or something.

Fuck, he was annoyed to see you—it was a goddamned tease—he couldn’t get his hands on you, and yet here you were, darkening his doorstep with that big fuckin’ smile. You probably thought you were so adorable.

He did have to hand it to you about your taste in music though—assuming you weren’t just some vapid bitch wearing someone else’s shirts.

More interesting though, was the shiny loaf of tinfoil you presented to him.

Banana bread—you’d told him—baked it yourself.

Like he was supposed to be touched.

He figured you’d stopped by because you needed him to fix something else on that rolling death trap, but no; all you wanted to do was stop by while you went on your road trip and bring him something nice—since he had been so good to you before.

Fucking freak; who does that?

That damn banana bread was fucking good though—maybe there was hope to make a fuckin’ woman out of you yet.

~*~

Week after week, he had come to expect your little visits—and the sweets you always brought with you. It was like tribute—and goddamn if he didn’t deserve it for being so fucking patient with you.

It was fucking rude of you, honestly, training him like a fucking dog to get all excited when you would come in to town. It had been an awfully long time since he was actually excited to see a specific person—been a long fuckin’ time since there was anyone outside of Ambrose who actually wanted to see him—and part of him hated you for the way your smile spread to his lips when he saw you.

The more genuine his happiness, the more he wanted to fucking punish you.

Honestly, how dare you? How dare you go and make yourself important enough to him that he actually misses you between your little visits?

And then you have the nerve to leave too?

Fuck you, Cunt. The least you could do is go ahead and chain yourself up in his basement, for all the trouble you’ve caused him.

Maybe then he could forgive you.

Fuckin’ doubt it though.

~*~

He hates this day—the day you’re supposed to visit always puts him on edge, and he spends the hours until you and your little pack of wolves actually decide to roll in pacing around by his shop—as if he’s got nothing better to be doing—because that’s where you always come looking for him.

And why not?

You’ve got no idea anything’s weird about Ambrose—you only ever come ‘round to fuck with his heart anyway.

He oughta let Vincent immortalize you in wax—that way you could never fucking leave him again—but then who’d bake him pumpkin bread with the little chocolate chips, just the way he likes it?

Seriously, somehow it was like the chocolate stayed melty even after the bread was long cooled—the bakery in the closest town over doesn’t even sell pumpkin bread. It had to be some kind of fuckin’ witchcraft—that’s it, you bewitched him with your cooking—it’s the only explanation for the for the way his heart stirs when he hears that goddamn horn.

Quickest way to a man’s heart is through his stomach after all—honestly—you must have done this to him on purpose.

“Hey Bo!” You call out of the window as that sad excuse for a van stops out in front of his shop.

He could have fixed that door of course, but he loves watching you climb out of that little window, so he’s never offered.

“Hey Pretty Lady, got something good for me today?”

“Your favorite,” you beam proudly, presenting a wrapped up loaf that better be fucking pumpkin.

He’d be awful hurt if after all this time you thought his favorite was anything else—not sure how well he could hold himself back if you managed to screw that up.

You are cute though, standing there expectantly, waiting for the hug that’s become a part of your little ritual. He likes the way your titties crush against his chest when you wrap your arms around him, and he lifts you off the ground just a bit for good measure—even he knows that girls love that shit, and to be honest, he’s not quite sure how he’d react if you just up and decided to never come visit him again.

So he’ll keep playing nice, even when it makes the bile rise up to the back of his throat every time your vapid little friends make immature little noises mocking you—and by extension him—for how damn cute you look.

He doesn’t hear the cacophony of hyenas this time though—no—this time it’s a man’s voice.

“So that’s my competition?”

Bo’s jaw goes tense immediately, and he’s not sure if he’s more angry with you for being a fucking slut, or the douchebag leaning out the window and eye-fucking you.

“Get fucked, Corey,” you hiss, throwing the bird over your shoulder without so much as looking at him.

Good Girl, he thinks. Don’t you fucking dare look at that yuppie little fucker.

But that yuppie little fucker is in the shitbucket van—the van you came in on. There’s a metallic taste in Bo’s mouth, and it’s only now that he realizes he’d been biting the inside of his cheek. Truth is, all he is to you is a fucking stop on your road trip—whoever the fuck Corey is, he’s part of your world.

The thought of that shrimpy little cuck bitch getting to fuck you makes him see fucking red.

You have no idea how much danger you’re in right now. There’s nothing Bo wants more that to smack the shit out of your pretty little face for making a fool out of him.

That would teach you—fuck you up so bad no one but him ever wanted to fuck you again.

But he deserves better—he likes your pretty face—so you’d better fucking make it up to him.

What stings the most is that he can’t do shit about any of it right now—and he knows damn well that maybe he never will.

He is not used to feeling powerless, and he is not a fan.

“Oh come on,” The dickprint whines. “You’ll fuck around with this hick but not me?”

So you weren’t fucking him.

That eases Bo’s temper a little bit—even in spite of the fucking rude bullshit the little shit is spewing—and his world stops falling down around him.

“Hey Cumstain, how about you shut your fucking mouth when you’re in my damn town,” Bo fires off, pulling you off to the side of him as he stalks toward the van—your stupid little friends actually look intimidated for once, and it fills him with a surge of pride.

“Oh don’t worry, I’m not staying—unlike you I actually have places to go in life.”

“Corey,” you hiss, and the way your lip curls with rage is getting Bo hot under the collar—you look fucking good when you’re angry.

“Oh calm down,” he waves you off. “You’re not this guy’s type anyway—he looks like he gets all his action at the family reunion.”

Bo’s about two seconds shy of dragging this fucker out of the van and making him settle their differences like men—which is to say, he’d utterly pummel the much smaller guy—because God Damn would it feel good to bash that guy’s skull in until his brain matter is clinging to his fists.

But you get in the way.

You’re marching right back to that van with a fire in your eyes that makes Bo wonder if you might actually have more in common with him than he’d originally thought.

You take a fistful off the fucker’s necklaces, and drag him close to you. “You’re gonna fucking apologize to Bo, and you’re gonna do it right fucking now,” you snarl.

“No way, you fucking crazy bitch!” He squirms, but you don’t let him go until one of your usual group shouts your name a couple of times.

Bo kind of wants to rip her throat out for that—he was really looking forward to seeing what you would have done to that guy if he kept up his disrespectful mouth.

“Okay, Tasha, I’m not going one more mile with this piece of shit—so we’re gonna have to figure something else out,” you save Bo the trouble of snapping at her.

“We’re six hours away from home—what are you planning to do?” She huffs. “Walk?”

“Don’t know, don’t care.” You put your hands up in exasperation, and Bo can’t help but watch you with baited breath—praying to God that this goes where he hopes it’s going.

Maybe, fucking finally, all his patience is about to pay off.

You turn to face him, and he slaps on a super forced looking smile to cover up the manic glee that’s threatening to burst through. “Is there a hotel in Ambrose?”

“Nah,” Bo shakes his head in a mockery of solemnity, before seeming to perk up with an idea that of course hadn’t crossed his mind before. “You can crash with me though if you want—I got plenty’a room for ya.”

He looks like such a fucking gentleman, and you just fucking nod, taking his hand like a fucking dumb slut who has no idea how much danger she’s getting herself into. “Thanks, Bo, I think I’ll have to take you up on that, if it’s not to much trouble.”

“If it were, I wouldn’t have offered.” That should have been fucking obvious—that’s okay though, he’ll have so much time to force some sense into you now—all the time in the fucking world.

“Are you crazy?” Tasha stares at you in utter disbelief, but you don’t budge—at this point, Bo’s not sure if he’d let you, not when he’s so close to finally bringing you home where you belong. “Come on, just get in the van, okay?”

“No, I’m staying—so don’t bother worrying about me.” You squeeze Bo’s hand a little tighter, and it takes all his willpower not to laugh.

He’s well aware that you’re at least partly using him to antagonize your friends, but he’s more than happy to indulge you right now—you’ll be indulging him soon enough.

“Fine, be that way,” she huffs, kicking the van into drive. “I’ll pick you up next week.”

“Fine,” you sneer, and with that, you’ve sealed your fate.

Bo had spent so much time wracking his brain trying to figure out how to separate you from your little friends, but you went and did all the hard work for him.

Stupid little slut.

He watches that rolling scrap pile leave, and the animal in his chest pants and whines and begs him to maul you like the savage dog you’ve made him—but not yet.

He’s the master of this kennel, and he’s feeling like having a little foreplay this time around.

Lucky you.

[i-think-i-did-it-again]

Fuck buddies VIII

Warning: swearing, bit of smut, alcohol

You’re torn. You want to comfort him, to tell him everything will be ok and that you forgive him but something stops you. You don’t want this self-destructive cycle to keep repeating over and over again. You just left an intelligent, attractive, funny man because of this man who constantly disappoints you, makes you feel bad about yourself and has no regard for anyone else’s feelings but his own. 

So why can’t I let him go?

You walk closer to Colson and he looks up at you, his face a mix of hopeful and fearful, and your heart sinks. As much as you want to be this hardass, cold woman who just tells him to fuck off and find someone else to fuck with, you know that’s not who you are. You won’t let him take that from you like he’s taken everything else. You sit down beside him, leaning your back against the wall and sigh deeply. You can smell the booze on him and it’s kind of suffocating but you ignore it.

“You’re not fucked up Kells,” you murmur and he raises his eyebrows at you, unconvinced. “I’m not saying you’re perfect but I guess I kind of get why you are the way you are.”

“Please enlighten me,” he slurs sarcastically and turns to stare at the wall in front of him.

“You’re just protecting yourself. You don’t want to be hurt so you lash out first. You don’t want anyone else to disappoint you or make you look like a fool so you just build up a wall and you fill the emptiness with booze, drugs and random women. You don’t want anyone to see the man behind the parties and concerts. You think if you put it all into your songs, people won’t really see the sensitive man inside, who just wants to be loved and needed.”

He doesn’t say anything for a while and your words just hang in the silence for what feels like forever. You knew what you were getting into when you started sleeping Colson. You had a pretty good understanding of the man he was before everything became so damn complicated between the two of you. You thought that his barriers meant there was no possible way you could fall for him. That it would be purely for pleasure and recreational purposes and nothing else. How fucking wrong you were about that.

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Colson laughs without humour and shakes his head. 

You see a shift in his eyes and you brace yourself for his onslaught of insults and deflections. One thing he doesn’t like is being vulnerable or seen. “You don’t know fucking shit about me or who I am. You’re just some chick I fuck for fun every now and again. It doesn’t give you some window into my soul. Just because I fuck you, doesn’t make you special. I could have any fucking slut-”

“Oh shut the fuck up Colson!” you scream, hauling yourself to your feet angrily. “Give up with this macho bullshit. You can fuck or date anyone you want but no one will ever actually see what I see. I see who you are. You don’t have to hide it behind smokescreens and broken insults.”

You step over him and unlock your front door, leaving it slightly ajar behind you. You storm off to your bedroom and undress, throwing on a pair of sweats and removing your makeup. You’re trying to not let his words get to you but you’re just angry that you let him disappoint you again. You feel stupid for expecting that drunk or not, he may actually want to have an honest conversation with you. Take away all the shit of the last few weeks and just lay it all out. Even if you never talked about it again, at least you could hold onto that one conversation. For once in his life he’d actually let someone in but no, he was the same old fake Colson.

You come out of your bedroom and the apartment is quiet. You go back to your front door and it’s closed. You open it and the hallway is empty again. You figure he’s gone home to lick his wounds or find some party to have a meaningless hookup. You sit on your sofa and stare at the wall. You try so hard to not let that hurt but it does, no matter how hard you want to convince yourself it doesn’t. You rest your head back and look at the dark ceiling and remind yourself to breathe. You can only control your own actions. You can’t control anyone else’s, just how you react. You’re not going to keep letting him win. He doesn’t deserve to rule your emotions all the time.

“Where’s your date?” Colson’s voice in the darkness unleashes an involuntary yelp and you jump to your feet in shock.

“What the fuck are you doing in here?!” you scream at him, your heart almost slamming out of your chest.

“You left the door open so I figured you were inviting me in,” he takes a swig from the beer in his hand and leans against the doorframe of your kitchen.

“And you thought you stand in the kitchen and not move for a whole 20 minutes to just mess with me or something?” you lift your hands behind your head to try and get as much air into your lungs as possible.

“And you’re avoiding my question. Where’s Jacob?” he scrunches his nose slightly when he says his name and you can’t help but find the actions endearingly cute.

“Why the fuck didn’t you tell me you were here?” you skirt around his question again.

Colson rolls his eyes and pushes off the doorframe. He puts his beer on your coffee table, not breaking stride while he does it. He stands so close that you can feel his breath on your face and suddenly you can’t breathe for a whole different reason. He places his hands on either side of your face, forcing you to look up at him. His eyes bore into yours and that spark of vulnerability flickers through them again.

“Where is he and will he be interrupting my plans to fuck your brains out?” Colson asks, articulating each word slowly and softly. 

You feel a quiver in your stomach and a moistness between your legs that you can’t control. Then as if like the flip of a coin, a white, hot anger fills every fibre of your being. You shove him away and as if instinctively he steps towards you again and before you can stop yourself, your hand whips out and slaps him, hard, across the cheek. You step back, your hand snapping to cover your mouth in shock. He looks at you, an unreadable emotion on his face. You’re not scared but you’re not exactly looking forward to Colson’s reaction. You want to apologise but then you remembered what he said and the rage replaces the shock and regret.

“How fucking dare you,” you spit at him. “After everything that’s happened, not just tonight but how you…how you left yesterday, you think I’d have sex with you?” 

His mood swings are giving you whiplash and every muscle in your body is tense and exhausted at the same time. Your head hurts trying to decipher his emotions and what he wants, as well as trying to work out what you want and need at this point. From him, from yourself, from your friendships. Which suddenly reminds you of a crazy thought you had earlier.

“Did you plan this evening?” you ask him, studying his reaction closely.

“What the fuck are you talking about? And also, ow,” he snarls at you. He flexes his jaws and snatches his beer back up. He takes a big gulp, pretty much draining the bottle and slams it back down, causing you to flinch. 

“Did you make sure I was at dinner tonight so you could rub Carly in my face but it backfired because Jacob was there?” he snorts and turns to walk to the kitchen but you’re quicker than him in his drunk state. You move around the coffee table so you’re blocking him from the kitchen and you fold your arms over your chest. “You did, didn’t you? I bet it drove you crazy that I ruined your little game. You wanted to dangle her in front of me because you know she drives me crazy and you thought it would make me throw myself at you but I had a date.”

“You sound fucking ridiculous right now,” he smiles at you but it doesn’t reach his eyes and his voice is rigid.

“You knew you fucked up sneaking out and instead of admitting that and apologising, you thought you’d trick me into sleeping with you again? It must have taken all your self control not to do something at dinner,” you laugh at how badly his night backfired on him and you can’t believe you actually convinced yourself he’s above petty shit.

Before you can tease him anymore, he’s pushing you against the wall, pressing his entire body against yours to hold you still. Your mouth goes dry and your lungs tighten. You try to thrash against him and curse him out but he puts his hand over your mouth and shoves his knee between your legs, pressing it against your pussy and you yelp into his hand.

“It took every fucking ounce of my strength to not reach across the table and rip his goddamn throat out every time he made you laugh, every time his kissed you or touched you,” his voice is so steady and his tone so assured, you don’t question anything he’s telling you. “Don’t for a second think it didn’t cross my mind.”

You stare at him and he drops his hand from your mouth, only to wrap his long fingers around your throat. He squeezes for a second, then releases the pressure but doesn’t drop his hand. You’re trying to process his words but you’re so turned on by the closeness of his body, his touch that you can’t think straight. You want him to say more. You want him to admit why Jacob bothered him so much if fucking you doesn’t ‘make you special’. 

Fucking pull yourself together woman! Make him tell you why! Your subconscious scolds you and you decide to actually listen to her for once.

“Why?” you breathe, staring at his face so intently he has to look away. He pushes away from the wall and you feel desperate for his touch again.

“Just–fuck. Can’t you just trust me? Please?” he begs you, rubbing his hands over his face in frustration.

“I just want to know why Colson. Why did you want to make me jealous, why did Jacob bother you so much? I just…” you look at him desperate for answers, just one answer at least, anything.

He doesn’t speak. The silence feels hopeless, never ending and deafening all at the same time. You feel yourself growing more and more self-conscious the longer he just stares at you. You just want some sign from him that everything that he’s done to you or said to you has had some meaning, some stupid, selfish purpose because at least then it meant something. Then, as if he can read your thoughts, he moves towards you again. Grabbing you roughly, he crashes his lips to yours in the most desperate, needy kiss you’ve ever shared with him and everything fades. All you can feel is him.

“I… I need you,” he murmurs against your lips.

[nexttrickanvils]

If you're still taking the writing prompts, 19 with plunderbunnies?

19. "You're the Love of my life, of course I came."

This uh... this got away from me.

Enjoy!

====

It’s just Guybrush’s luck to get ambushed and tied up on his honeymoon AND NOT IN THE FUN WAY!

And it was just his luck that this happened right after he got into a very stupid argument with Elaine. Geez he can’t even remember what it was about…

Then again that could be just brain damage from all the blood rushing to his head thanks to being hung upside down for who knows how long.

It’s not like he’s letting these jerks get away with this. He’d been trying to swing himself over to something to take the ropes off. That sharp looking torch holder or even the flames from the torches. But that was easier said than done.

“Oi would you stop swingin’ around? That darn squeaking is driving me crazy.” One of Guybrush’s captors shouted at him

Guybrush briefly thought of swinging twice as hard to annoy the guy. Maybe he'd accidently cut him down to end the squeaking noises… or maybe he'd grab that flintlock on the table and shoot Guybrush in the head… so yeah let's not risk that.

The annoyed pirate turned to his buddies, “How long we gotta put up with this moron?”

“Told ya before, we’re holding onto him until we get a hold of King Andre. Sent out Shmitty and his bird to deliver the message.” Said who Guybrush assumed was the muscle and leader of this little group

“Apparently this bilge rat got on the King’s bad side by stealin’ something reeeal ‘portant.” Said another pirate as she gleefully poked at Guybrush’s head

Ah so that’s why. Guess Guybrush should have expected King Andre to not just write the diamond off at a loss.

Ugh by the time King Andre or his goon showed up to pick him up, Guybrush wasn’t sure he would be able to speak in full sentences.

If Guybrush could sigh, he would (the gag in his mouth kind of put the kibosh on that.) He couldn’t help but think of Elaine. She either hasn’t found out that he was captured or she’s so angry at him that she won’t bother helping him.

Honestly he couldn’t blame her on that second one. It wouldn’t be the first time he disappointed her.

Suddenly a loud squawking rang out through the cave.

“I thought you said Shmitty was gonna deliver the message? He can’t have gotten a response that fast!” Said the pirate who yelled at Guybrush earlier

There was a pause…

And then someone was thrown from the darkness and landed in front of the captors.

“What the!?”

Guybrush assumes from their reactions that this was Shmitty.

The leader grabbed maybe-Shmitty by the scruff on his shirt. From where he was hanging, Guybrush could see that the guy had seen better days… or any days at all if that black eye was any indication.

“What the hell happened Shmitty? All you were ‘sposed to do was send the stupid bird out.”

“We’ve been caught, boss! She knows what we’re doing and she’s real angry!”

“She? She who?” asked the annoyed pirate

The pokey pirate pointed a sword toward Shmitty.

“Shmitty, you blabbermouth, you ratted us out didn’t you?!”

“I swear I didn’t say anything!”

Another sound rang out, a whistle.

The four (and Guybrush) looked down the cave.

Someone stepped into the torchlight and Guybrush would recognize that bright red hair from anywhere.

“Elaine!?”

Indeed there she was, Elaine Marley-Threepwood, sword in one hand and… parrot on her shoulder?

She smirked at Guybrush’s kidnappers.

“Oh don’t worry, your friend was quiet as a mouse. His friend on the other hand…”

At that, Elaine took a cracker from a pouch on her hip and gave it to the parrot on her shoulder. The parrot happily gobbled the cracker up and spoke.

“Awk! To King Andre! Awk! We captured the thief Guybrush Threepwood! Bwak! See us in the big cave on the outskirts of Tackle Isle! Awk!”

“Animals can be so helpful when you figure out how to get along with them.”

From there it was chaos as the kidnapper leader dropped his buddy (who ran off as soon as his feet touched the ground) and he and the remaining captors charged at Elaine. The parrot flew off as Elaine immediately parried the first strike.

Between all the blood in his head and his position, it was a little hard for Guybrush to tell what was happening. But he refused to let Elaine do all the work herself.

Thus he began swinging again but this time in a different direction. Maybe he could swing himself off the hook and-

“OI! What’d I say about that infernal squeaking!?”

Before Guybrush could offer a (muffled) witty comeback, Elaine took the opportunity while the pirate was distracted and struck the back of his head on the back of the head with her sword grip.

Okay, one down!

Guybrush continued swinging just a little higher and higher each time. The pokey pirate backed up as Elaine overwhelmed her… just close enough for Guybrus to swing right into her and knock her to the ground. Elaine immediately struck her on the head

“Ha, I can always count on you to make the best of a situation, Guybrush.” Elaine remarked

Guybrush smiled as best as he could with the gag in his mouth as he continued swinging back and forth. He swears he can feel the ropes starting to come off the hook, just a littl-

And he nearly instantly found himself sailing through the air and crashing right on top of the Captor’s leader.

“Uh… hi there…” Guybrush muffled

The leader growled as he pushed Guybrush off and stood up with his sword at the ready.

“King Andre didn’t say anything about turning you in alive…”

Oh crap…

Wait maybe if he moves in a certain way, the guy would just slash his ropes or the knot or-

*CLANG!*

-Or Elaine could just smash some pottery on the guy’s head and knock him out along with his buddies. That works better actually.

Now with all of Guybrush’s captors either knocked out or far away, Elaine could finally kneel down and start freeing Guybrush. First thing to take the gag out of his mouth. Guybrush took a deep breath and spit out any remaining gag taste as Elaine started cutting the ropes with a knife.

“Are you alright, Guybrush?”

“Dizzy… head hurts…”

“Sounds like I’ll need to carry you.” Elaine replied with a bit of a laugh

Soon enough, the ropes were cut and Guybrush was free. Elaine helped him stand up on his wobbly legs and eventually picked him up into a bridal carry. With that done, she made their way out of the cave.

“Sur-surprisd you came...”

“You’re the love of my life, of course I came.”

“But… you wer preddy mad earle-er…”

“Well yes but every couple has their arguments right? I was actually going to apologize when I found out you went missing.”

Oh.

Between finding out that Elaine still cared and the blood in his head slowly going back through the rest of his body, Guybrush felt a little lightheaded but happy.

“I’m gld we married, plndbunin…”

“Hee, hee, I’m glad we’re married, too.”

[rreskk]

First drinks

Summary: Back in the Midwest, a broke thief and criminal had found himself drinking with a lonely, abnormal Canadian drifter after an unusual... Interaction.

Pairings: Michael Townley/ Trevor Philips

Word count: 668

“So…” Michael, having no appetite for the pint of beer in front of him, tried to make conversation.

He had been sitting there uncomfortably as he watched this guy – A fellow Canadian – down a few glasses of spirits even though they both just threw up in the public toilets not even 5 minutes up the road. The stranger was fascinating… He had these creepy, brown eyes that had pupils so dysfunctional. Every time Michael dared looked into those eyes, he swore them black pearls would increase in size and it freaked him out.

“Not thirsty?” The man finally spoke after minutes of being dead silent.

“Not really.”

The stranger looked conflicted. His face was unique. A good couple of facial scars, bushy eyebrows, a growing stubble and manic, overgrown hair; an unusual mixture between mohawk and mangled mullet. Whether or not it was styled, it oddly suited him.

“You said you were called Michael?”

“Yeah… Michael Townley.”

“Ah, Townley. Mind if I called you Mikey instead?”

“Sure, I don’t care.” He responded with a quiet voice, letting the background music disturb the tension.

“So, Mikey, what were you doing with that turd back there?” The stranger questioned as he downed another shot.

Michael paused for a moment. What was I doing? He’d think before answering with short lies.

“Drifting.”

“Oh!” He had peaked the interest of the man opposite, “You’re a drifter as well? So am I. I’ve just been causing shit load of mayhem across the border. No place in mind. You?”

Fuck, he cursed to himself. Why did he have to give such an open lie? He was left to ponder only the truth.

“Nah… I’m not a… Drifter. I was just hoping to, uh, you know…”

“Hoping to what?”

“The usual… Steal and shit. I- I just didn’t expect you to shoot him in the head with a… Flare-gun?” He muttered.

“The guy was an ass anyway.”

Michael breathed out in relief. He adjusted the winter jacket around him and felt the Midwest cold get to him, even through the lively bar.

“You wouldn’t be cold if you’d drink up, Townley.”

He stared towards the Canadian and sighed. Maybe he’s right, and with that, he took a couple of sips before realising he hadn’t of asked for a name.

“Oh, hah, what’s your name? If you don’t mind me asking.”

“I was waitin’ for you to ask,” The guy smirked, “I thought you were too shy to ask. I’m Trevor Philips.”

“Trevor… Well, it’s nice to meet you… Under the circumstances.”

“You best believe it, buddy. That’s how good friendships start, ay.” Trevor murmured, his accent getting stronger at the end.

“If you say so.”

“So you steal?” He’d continue raiding the conversation with his big mouth, “What sorta stuff? Gas stations or are you a proper lad who robs banks? I’m gonna be honest, Mikey, ain’t no good robber gets chased by some lanky American scumbag to my cargo plane.”

“Woah, don’t be so fast to judge, bro. He was on my ass big time.” Michael frowned at his bluntness.

“The cunt couldn’t walk faster than 10mp.”

“I played soccer in high-school, I know what fast is.”

“Really?” Trevor snickered, “Oh, I played hockey in high-school but you don’t see me braggin’ about it when I’m in my late 20s, ay?”

“Whatever…” He rolled his eyes and sipped more of his beer.

“You’re a cool guy, Mikey. Remind me to keep in touch after this. I wouldn’t mind rolling around with your stupid circus show on the run.”

Michael raised an eyebrow at Trevor. He can’t be serious, right? His mind was puzzled at this request. He barely earned enough to live at a motel room for a week and this random guy wants to join the game like it’s nothing?

Fuck… He must be batshit insane.

“I guess I could use a partner.” He mumbled, hiding his surprise.

Mr Philips nodded his head and lifted his glass, “You won’t be disappointed, bro. Cheers.”

[yuhi-san]

For day  10  of @tristampparty I wrote a little something about zazie. Hope you all enjoy

„You should have seen his face,“ Zazie said excitedly. “It had oh crap written all over it, right before the trailer smacked into him. It was hilarious.” They were currently hanging out in the backseat of a car, off to some assignment or another with Legato. They didn’t need such forms of transportation but they found riding in a car to be rather fun. The same could not be said for their partner in crime.

Legato’s only reaction to Zazies retelling of the Punishers misadventure. “Will he be able to fulfill his part in Master Knives plan?”

“I guess… they did scrap him off the floor and keep him around.” Legato nodded and Zazie sunk deeper into the seat, sulking. That guy was just no fun.

----

 They didn’t have more luck with Double Fang. They more or less expected that, after all most of the time the man seemed like nothing but an empty shell driven by the need to follow orders. It was worth a try though.

“The trailer smacked right into him, it was glorious. Pretty sure that gave him a concussion for real. He looked so stupid!”

Double fang, if he was even listening, didn’t stop his task of cleaning his guns. Zazie felt their excitement sink again.

“He was your buddy, wasn’t he”, they implored. “You humans seem to enjoy listening to embarrassing stories or funny misfortune of other so much, don’t you?”

No reaction. Zazie huffed. They doubted they would get a better result with Razlo.

----

“I’m sure he meant to do a dramatic entrance. Mysteriously wandering the desert alone and all that. But then that girl somehow managed to hit him with the trailer when there was literally nothing else to hit in sight.”

Zazie had been tasked to bring Midvalley a message. They didn’t mind playing messenger. It was easy for them and far less tedious than other tracks in their opinion. “It was so funny! It couldn’t have been more embarrassing!”

Midvalley smirked a little and took a leisurely sip of his drink. “Well, I’d say he had it coming. He has been getting awfully cocky lately.”

That was more of a reaction than Legato or Double Fang had given but still pretty disappointing. Zazie deflates with a sigh. Everyone was so boring.

----

They didn’t even try to bring it up with Millions Knives. Tha man had, if possible, a stick wedged up further his digestive track than even Legato. He also probably wouldn’t recognize humor if it slammed into him with its broadside, like the trailer had with the Punisher.

----

“He was probably relieved for a split second that he wasn’t going to be run over. But then BAM! The trailer took him out.”

“Pffft-”

“It smacked right into him and straight up sent him flying! .”

“Stoooop!”

“It catapulted him multiple feet through the air. And you should have seen his flailing!”

Elendira was cackling like mad, trying hard to get a grip. She had to crouch down and hold on to her stomach once Zazie vividly demonstrated just what the Punisher had looked like when he was hit by a vehicle in the middle of nowhere before his mission could even really begin.

By the time Conrad entered the room Elendira was rolling on the ground, hitting it with her fists between fits of near hysterical giggles.

“What is going on here?” Conrad demanded to know.

Zazie turned to him with a sly smile. “Oh, noting much. Just retelling the story of how your oh so creation was nearly taken out by a short woman in a car.”

[embossross]

2023 in anime

i give ratings out of 10 stars based on a rubric that considers the following:

2 points / ambition of what the anime is trying to achieve 3 points / effectiveness of the anime in achieving its aims 4 points / my personal, subjective enjoyment 1 point / pacing +1/-1 miscellaneous

so with that said… ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (2 anime)

revolutionary girl utena – heavy breathing panting crying what a fucking roller coaster nanami the child you are anty the child you were utena the child you choose to be – just one of the true masterpieces of all anime. took a few episodes to realize that this show understood tone and comedy perfectly and wasn’t just a wonky children’s show and by golly! the nanami in season 3 gutted me unlike anything else

attack on titan: final season (for real this time) – decent conclusion to maybe my favorite anime of all time

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (10 anime)

school rumble – so goddamn funny and i cared about every goddamn character. it’s witchcraft!

trigun – good ole saturday morning cartoons

golden kamuy s3 – how does it keep getting better???!?!

fruits basket – i was a certified hater after s1, but slowly but surely i gave into the melodrama. akito and shigure were EVERYTHING

nana – the most disappointing ending of all time! for one of the greatest anime of all time. manga pls save me!!!

rascal does not dream of bunny girl senpai – i’m embarrassed. i cried.

princess tutu – expressionistic, dedicated to storytelling, tremendously kind-hearted. you have to let it move you

blue lock – i’m officially a sports anime girlie

cyberpunk: edgerunners – this was just so slick!

chainsaw man – nothing needs to be said here

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (8 anime)

yamada-kun to lv999 no koi wo suru – adult romance that hasn’t been stripped of all conflict and maintains momentum nearly to the end

oshi no ko – my expectations were non-existent after ep 1 but then it crept up on me. i can’t even fully put my finger on what works so well? but it does! it knows when to take itself seriously and when to be nonsense.

demon slayer s3 – best season of demon slayer to date, i actually cared

durarara!!x2 shou – this is a confession. my inner edgy teen loves durarara. i appreciate huge casts of characters acting in opposition in atmospheric tokyo.

gintama – i finally finished gintama one of my favorites of all time. the end pulls all the threads together but it does so at the expense of the laughs so loses some points

chihayafuru – amazing background anime. just consistently fun and engaging.

perfect blue – i feel stupid and uncultured to not give this a 10

vinland saga – askeladd is so hot wow

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (7 anime)

buddy daddies – funny and sincere in degrees but a truly annoying little girl character

serial experiments lain – god you’ve gotta appreciate the wild swings creatives were taking in the 90s

durarara!!x2 ten

great teacher onizuka – ugh he’s a creep but also heh he’s funny

trigun stampede – they yassified them!

mob psycho 100 s3 - meandered a bit but the characters are forever favorites

to your eternity – the first 3 arcs are extraordinary. march is one of the great child characters of all time. the end drags.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (8 anime)

zom 100 – crazy good first episode that earns its premise and then a slow descent into mediocrity; cool colors though!

terror in resonance – utterly forgettable

dororo – way too long with way too many hit or miss episode arcs

bungou stray dogs s4 – the cracks are showing but the rampo backstory is dope

lycoris recoil – those cute girls shoulda been lesbians

classroom of the elite – is it edgy? yes. are the quotes frustratingly misused? oh yes. is it fun? ugh yeah actually

romantic killer – pretty cute and the edge of danger at the end really sells it

free – solid watch but it left my brain like sand in a sieve

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ (4 anime)

wolf’s rain – what passes as deep when children are your primary audience

hell’s paradise – boring and i liked the manga so.

durarara!!x2 ketsu – the conclusion falls short

land of the lustrous – bold but was too slow for me

⭐⭐⭐⭐ (3 anime)

tomo-chan is a girl! – sometimes funny but the conceit does not justify 13 episodes and it loses steam fast

mushishi – some of the vignettes were beautiful but felt repetitive

bleach: thousand-year blood war – sleek, hype, plagued by all the old bleach problems

no game no life season 1 - confused that this was such a phenomenon when it came out. it’s fine i guess.

⭐⭐⭐ (5 anime)

kamisama kiss – trite imo

given – god save us from anime about perfect people being perfect with each other – but this time set to music!

tokyo revengers s2 – 🤷

natsume’s book of friends – i don’t need vibes this cozy

sasaki to miyano – and i really don’t need vibes this cozy

⭐⭐ (0 anime)

⭐ (0 anime)

& then ongoing shows that i’m not going to rank until i finish them (but actually all are pretty good so far) – skip to loafer, heavenly delusion, spy x family s2, apothecary diaries, jujutsu kaisen s2, frieren: beyond journey’s end, vinland saga s2

[onstrangerthighs]

His Loss

CW: homophobic language (s1 Steve has deep-rooted internalized homophobia fr), referenced/implied child abuse Ship: Jonathan x Billy, aka byergrove/flashwaves Word Count: 1,149 For @billyhargrovebingo

The disgust on Steve's face shocks Billy. Hits him right in his bruised chest. He should be familiar with that look. Neil's worn it since Billy could walk.

He never thought it'd taint Steve's pretty face.

"I don't know what I did to give you the impression that I was a queer," Steve sneers.

Billy opens his mouth. Nothing comes out.

Don't cry, don't cry. This isn't real, this is a nightmare.

"And even if I was…" Steve shudders at the thought, before continuing, "you'd never be my first choice."

"Unless you're joking. You must be."

I wish I was.

Steve whistles loudly. "Holy shit. You're a fucking fa-"

Billy socks him in the mouth before he can finish that ugly sentence. The taller boy blinks in shock, holding his jaw.

Why the fuck does he look so confused? Don't tell me he doesn't know why I hit him.

"You hit like a bitch," Steve spits out, blood and saliva landing on Billy's sneakers.

Billy pushes him on his ass and starts kicking him. Little by little, Steve Harrington disappears, until all Billy sees is Neil. He kicks harder, eyes stinging.

"Are you fucking crying? Jesus Christ, dude. You really fell for me, huh. You're a dumb ass."

"Shut UP!"

"You could beat me into a goddamn coma, but I bet your heart is in a million pieces, right? I broke your fairy heart, didn't I? You could never hurt me like I'm hurting you right now. Isn't that right?"

"STOP! STOP IT!"

"You're insane. You're a fucking basket case! Did you honestly think there was a chance in hell that we would be together?"

As if he's just been slapped, Billy stumbles backwards, his back hitting the wall.

"You said it yourself; I've got girls on their hands and knees for me. Why would I want you?"

Suddenly he's seven years old again, watching his mother speed out of the driveway, her blue car growing smaller and smaller until it's a speck of dust.

Dad was right. No one wants me.

Every dream he's had of a soft, safe life with Harrington is gone. He knew they were just dreams, but still… they were real to him. He finally grew a pair and confessed, only for Harrington to cut off his balls and crush his aching heart.

Jonathan's not usually the type to care about gossip, but Tommy's voice is impossible to ignore. At least, that's what he tells himself as he marches toward the boy, glaring daggers at him.

"You said something about Billy. Do you know where he is?"

"You're messing up my collar!"

Jonathan yanks him closer with a strength neither expects from him. "Where is he?"

"Out in his car. Heard from Steve that he completely lost his marbles. Beat him pretty bad."

Doesn't Billy have a huge crush on Steve? Why would he-

Oh. Fuck.

Jonathan speed-walks out of Mr. Jacobs' classroom, breaking out into a jog as soon as he's out in the parking lot.

Billy is slumped over the wheel. He's not moving. Jonathan's not even sure if he's breathing.

Fuck.

"Billy? It's Jon. Could you give me a sign that you're alive? Just so I know not to break your window?"

Billy slowly raises his head like a scarlet turtle poking out of its shell. "You better fucking not."

Jonathan leans on the car, finally catching his breath. "You're alive."

"Unfortunately. You don't sound disappointed about that. Me being alive."

"Why would I be disappointed?"

Billy shrugs. "Everyone else is."

"You're wrong."

"Oh, yeah? Name one person who-"

"Me. Who else is going to be my study buddy?"

"Nancy."

Jonathan sighs, resting his forehead on the window. "I heard about what happened."

"Of course you did. So what're you still doing here? Aren't you afraid I'm gonna turn you gay?"

"It's a bit too late for that."

"Thought my ears were playing tricks or something."

"That asshole doesn't deserve even a second of your time, you know," Jonathan says.

"I know it was stupid, but I-I really thought he liked me," Billy sobs.

"It's not stupid! He's the idiot. He could've had someone really great, and he fucked it up."

" "Someone really great"? Now I know you're not talking about me."

"And what if I am? You aren't stupid for wanting to be loved."

"Nobody loves me," Billy whispers, sniffling.

"I do. I love you."

Billy stops crying and unlocks the door. He hides his face in his hands, peeking up at Jonathan.

"D-don't say stuff you don't mean. Don't give me h-hope just so you can-"

"I've never meant anything more. You don't have to respond. It's okay. I just… wanted you to know that. I may not be what you want, but you are loved."

"B-but Nancy, I thought?"

"She's dating Barb."

"Oh. Can I… ask you a question?"

"Sure, bub."

"What do you like about me?"

"How much time do you have?"

"I'm serious."

"Me too. We'd be here all day until we're both old and grey."

"Sure." Even though his face is still hidden, Jonathan is sure he just rolled his eyes.

"Thing one: your heart."

"My heart? Jesus Christ."

"You have a really big heart. I remember when you gave a stray dog the last of your cheeseburger."

"Wasn't that your burger, though?"

"I'm retracting my confession," Jonathan deadpans.

"Then you do have some sense of self-preservation. Good."

"Quit it."

"Quit what?"

"Acting like you're a bomb set to go off any minute."

"I could've killed Harrington."

"Who cares? Everyone knows he can't win a fight to save his life. I would've done worse. I'm pretty sure I have, actually. So don't fall into your self-loathing period."

"You would, huh?"

"If I'd been there and heard whatever he said to you, I would have killed him."

"Then you'd be arrested," Billy points out.

"You're such a boy scout."

"Hmph. How about Thing 2?"

"You owe me a burger." Jonathan gets into the passenger seat, knowing full well he's not letting Billy pay a cent.

"Thing 2: your mouth."

"That's kinda slutty, dude."

"Would you let me finish?"

"You should know by now that I can't take compliments." He starts the Camaro up, adding somberly, "Not like I get many. Unless it's about my ass."

"It is a nice ass."

"Do you wanna walk to the diner?"

"You've always got something to say."

Billy glares at him, but then his expression softens once he sees Jonathan's fond smile.

"No one's making you listen to me."

"That's right." Jon whips his hair back and says raspily, "Here I am."

"I don't sound like that!"

I hope I can help you forget Steve. Maybe it'll be easier for you to move on if he were out of the picture. Anything for you. "You didn't deny the hair thing."

"Shut up."

Little by little, they're falling back into place. Your loss, Harrington.