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#but I can never help myself cause it's too good
cloudwisp · 2 days
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𝐬𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐮 𝐠𝐨𝐣𝐨 · 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐭𝐰𝐨 𝐨𝐟 𝐮𝐬
contents: fluff. satoru makes sweet promises about the future with you. 800 wc.
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“What would you say if I retired today?”
The words left his mouth so easily—like they’re one of the many frivolous musings that comes and goes, an afterthought when the shared laughter and playful teasing had died down a bit. Behind his loose grin, Satoru carefully studies your face as he weighs the question in your mind, as though they bear no consequence and he wants to hear your answer no matter how serious or unserious he’s being.
“Retire…” You drawl thoughtfully, “You mean put your sorcerer work behind you?” You more than readily welcome the idea than you let on, it’s all you can think about sometimes and keeps you awake at night. You knew about the dangers and the shortcomings that his lifestyle posed, but your love for him outweighs the troubles and the fears and the risks that come with loving someone like him—that is Satoru Gojo.
Not the Strongest Sorcerer, the leader of something, just a normal person who has a fondness for the sweeter things and never lets good humor go to waste if he could help it. If he truly decided to retire from now onwards he won’t have to participate in another dangerous mission again, no more of those dreadful overseas assignments that keeps you both apart for long stretches of time, and you could get used to knowing that he gets to come home to you every night.
“Well, okay. I suppose I could become the breadwinner for once.”
Satoru lets out a pleased laugh. His arm that encircled your waist tightens as he squeezes you with great affection, receiving a small oof from you and quick gentle pats of surrender before he crushes your lungs. He’s sitting on an abundance of wealth for the both of you to lead a comfortable life, and you’re cute for worrying about finances in the foreseeable future. Maybe he doesn’t spoil his precious sweetheart far enough, he thinks.
“I guess you’ll need to work triple time in order to afford my expensive taste.” He teases, pinching your cheek between his fingers. “We can be a dynamic duo. You can work while I stay home.” He mutters softly, letting his hand settle against the nape of your neck while his thumb brushes against your cheek. “Would I be a good househusband?”
“You’d be awful.” You were a little quick to say, almost shuddering at the thought. He feigns a hurt expression with the slightest furrow to his brows and an adorable pout lines his lips. He had an affinity for sweets as shown in your fully stocked pantry but navigating the rest of the kitchen would cause quite an upheaval despite his best efforts. “Maybe at first anyway.”
“You think I won’t be able to clean or cook properly?” Satoru complains dramatically, nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck and shoulder. You attempt to push him away between your giggles as the ends of his hair tickles you and he gently nips away at your skin, but his large build unsurprisingly wouldn’t budge. He lays a light kiss here and there shortly after, his voice lowering into a playful whisper. “Giving up on me already, huh? Too bad, that was your only chance of seeing me in an apron~”
Satoru comes up to meet your gaze and he catches your lips for a sweet taste, the warmth of his body sinking into yours and your arms wrap around him to bring him in a little deeper. “Are you saying I wouldn’t be able to control myself around you if I came home to you wearing an apron?” It was your turn to pinch his cheeks fondly and you consider something. “But it’s a nice thought—you wanting to lead a different life.”
“I want to make you a promise,” he begins slowly, and there’s a beautiful look behind his cerulean hues filled with just pure adoration and love that’s reserved only for you. “When my time comes and I’m ready to call it quits, I’ll retire with you by my side. We’ll move somewhere peaceful and quiet—as secluded as you like. We could even travel the world if that's what my baby wishes, just the two of us.”
“That’s a big promise you’re making me.” You raise an eyebrow at him. But you like the dream that he’s sharing with you, no matter how close or how far out of reach it may seem. And so, a warm smile softens your face. “Just me and you?”
“Yes, Angel.” He grins happily, pulling you closer so his heartbeat matches yours and the sound lulls into one under the moon’s gaze. As long as you keep giving him every excuse in the world to keep you within arms’ reach—forever, then it’s contentment and peace and everything else in between he’ll find with you. If you’re there, then that’s home for him. “Just us and the sky.”
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꒰ note ᰔ still coping with everything that’s happened along with ch. 261 so hope you enjoyed this something silly and something fluff for our sweet loverboy satoru. ꒱
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astroph1les · 2 days
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books & all | e.e
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summary: a cold, rainy, boring day at the bookstore changes as a tall stranger walks in that causes you become a nervous mess with her not-so-subtle flirting. could this be the start of something new?
pairing: emily engstler x fem!reader
word count: 1.7k
a/n: i was so nervous to post this but there is a serious lack of emily fics so here this is! many thank yous to @uraesthete for reading every single little snip i sent her AND this will be a mini series sooo my inbox is open for more suggestions!! <3
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It was a regular day.
The minutes dragged on as you stared at the front entrance to the bookstore, watching as the rain pattered down on the windows. Drops of rain ran across the clear surface, decorating the windows in a cozy way. Lamps were scattered all around the shop, giving the shop a more homey feel. You were snuggled up in a plain zip-up hoodie with a cotton interior to keep you warm, a beanie to hide your frizzy hair.
Not a single soul had walked into the bookstore since you opened two hours ago and you were growing bored. You had tried to read a book you had been putting off for a while but your mind wasn’t allowing you to take in the letters on the pages. You were now just walking up and down the aisles, doodling little books on the signs of the genres: a direct result of your boredom.
Thankfully, as if the world could hear your internal begging for anyone to come into the store, the bell above the door rang. You peek your head around the corner of the non-fiction shelf and you spot a tall woman wearing a white hoodie with a blue flannel over it. She tugged down the damp hood to reveal two dirty-blonde french braids tied into a bun.
You’ve never seen her before. You feel like you’ve seen most people around your town.
“Hi!” You plaster on a customer service smile, emerging from behind the wall of books.
Her eyes dart around until she spots your figure, raising her eyebrows up.
“Hey, how’re you doing?” The dirty blonde stranger replied, rubbing her probably cold palms together to create heat.
“I’m doing good. You need help with anything?” You try not to stare too much at the lines of ink covering her right hand.
Her deep brown eyes lock with yours and you almost have to look away from the intensity of her gaze. She shakes her head at first but shuts her eyes tightly with a soft ‘no’.
“Sorry, no. Actually, I do need help. I’m trying to… get into books and stuff. What would you recommend?” She folded her arms, staring you down.
God, she had such pretty brown eyes.
No, she’s a customer. Act normal.
“Oh, okay. Right,” you curtly nod, giving her a shy smile as you turn on your heels.
You curse silently to yourself, rubbing a hand over your cheeks to try and push the heat back into your body. You could hear her following behind you, her feet making a slight squeak with each step she took from the rain.
“Do you know what… genre you could be into?” You question, turning your neck slightly.
The stranger pursed her lips, a soft hum following.
“Anything really. I mean, what are your favorite genres?” She flipped the question back to you.
You stopped in your tracks as you were headed towards the science fiction section. You turned around and almost ran right into her chest. She muttered a curse and backed up a little with a chuckle under her breath.
Her voice was even attractive, my god. You were kind of glad you had a solo-shift until 4. Yeah, it was selfish but at least no one else was here to watch you be an embarrassing flushed mess around this intriguing customer.
“You gotta warn me so I can prepare myself for next time,” She joked and held her hands up.
“Right, sorry,” You clasped your hands together as you let out a timid laugh, rocking on the heels of your comfortable Docs. “Um, I read a lot of… romance and fiction.”
Admitting it out loud to this stranger — that you found extremely attractive — felt embarrassing. You tried to venture into other genres but fiction and romance provided you the most comfort.
“You’re the expert here, so, I’ll take your word for it,” she gave you a warm smile, tilting her head as her eyes followed up and down your outfit.
You could have missed it if you weren't intently watching her. Was it obvious how jittery and anxious you were acting? You cleared your throat as you attempted to relax your tense shoulders.
“Well, the romance is just down here,” you point towards the back of the store, sending her one more friendly smile.
She again looks you up and down with a nod. Her eyes were so intense, it made the neckline of your sweater grow itchier and uncomfortable. Once you two stopped in front of the section, you motioned to the multiple shelves.
“Here you are. Let me know if you have any questions,” you told her kindly.
As you are about to walk away to feverishly text your best-friend what to do about the hot woman in your shop, you hear her raspy voice behind you.
“You got any recommendations?”
You turn on her heels, looking at her with a soft smile. Was it obvious that you were shaking with nerves? You weren't the biggest flirt or socialite. You tried your hardest to be as calm and collected but you swore that the second anyone you found remotely attractive, your brain stopped working properly.
“I have a few. Is sad romance okay?” You question as you stand right next to her.
She folded her arms in front of her chest and shrugged her shoulders.
“Yeah, why not? I could spare a tear or two.” She joked, a cheeky grin spreading on her face.
Ugh, why was her smile so charismatic? Her canines were peeking out behind her slightly red lips.
“Okay well then I definitely recommend this one, My Heart and Other Black Holes,” you trace the spines before finding the one you were looking for. You tug it out from in between the others, holding it out for her to take.“It is so so good. Kind of emotional but not an intense amount, you know?”
The dirty blonde stranger nods along to your words, watching you intently. Like she was taking in every word you were saying.
“Okay, yeah. Sounds good. I’ll take this one,” she takes the paperback into her larger palms, the tips of her fingers brushing past the backs of your hands.
You nervously rub your hands along the sides of your pants.
“I mean, you don’t want to look around some more?” You question, motioning towards the shelves once more.
She smacked her lips against her teeth, her tongue wiping over her bottom lip. You swore you caught a glimpse of tongue piercing, the silver reflecting under the dim lighting of the lamp in the corner.
“Nah, I think this should be good.” She patted the back of the book once more, tilting her head in the other direction, her eyes locking with yours.
“Oh.. okay. I can check you out at the counter,” you shift your gaze from her locking on her hand tattoos again.
Her long, inked fingers that brushed against the slim spine of the book. Was it sensual or were you an actual horny maniac?
Just when you thought you were being subtle, the stranger asks softly: “Do you like ‘em?”
You blink and clear your throat, glancing down at the embedded ink on her long fingers. She flexed her hand out for you, letting you examine each stroke of black.
“Yeah, I mean— wow, they’re really well done.” You nod.
And they were well done. That you didn’t have to lie about. Each letter on the ends of her fingers to the lines that led down her forearm.
“Yeah, I like ‘em a lot too,” she responded, her strong gaze still on you.
You squint your eyes at her, a smile spreading onto your face: “A little conceited, don’t you think?”
Thankfully, she picked up on your slight flirtatious tone and raised her eyebrows.
“Maybe but hey, can’t blame me for liking my own tattoos. I did choose them,” the stranger defended as she scrunched up her nose.
You playfully shake your head and motion to the register, a soft chuckle leaving your lips.
“Alright, come on. I can actually check you out now,” you begin to walk towards the counter, making sure she was following behind you.
This time, she didn’t stop you which deep down was disappointing but she didn’t owe you anything. You don’t even know her.
You walked behind the counter, pressing a few buttons on the register to ring her up. She dug into her hoodie pocket to pull out a wallet.
“It’s gonna be $3.68. Cash or card?” You ask, waiting for her response.
“Uh, card. And can I ask you something?” The stranger clears her throat, digging into her wallet to pull out her credit card.
You take the card from her to insert the chip of the card, raising your eyebrows invitingly.
“Sure,” you reply.
As you’re putting her book in a small paper bag and pressing the stamp of the shop's logo onto it, you hear her raspy voice lowly ask: “Can I ask you to get coffee with me sometime?”
You faltered your movements for a moment, not knowing if you heard her correctly. She did say coffee with her right?
“What?” You look up, the stamp gripped tightly in hand.
“If you want to, of course. No pressure.” She shrugged her shoulders.
“Like a… date?” You question, hopeful that it was what she meant.
A smile spread onto her lips as she nodded slowly.
“Yeah, a date. Is that okay?” She questions.
You nod slowly at her with a shy smile, grabbing a pen from next to the register. You scribble something down onto the paper of the bag before handing it to her.
“Here’s my number so you can let me know when and where.”
Wow, you actually did that. The tall stranger examined your handwriting before nodding slowly.
“I’m Emily, by the way,” she pointed the book at you before tapping it against her palm.
You tell her your name with a soft blush on your face. She leans forward to grab her card from the countertop that you had forgotten to give her back due to the fact that you couldn't wrap your head around this.
“I’ll text you, pretty girl, alright?” She took her card in between her teeth.
“Okay, yeah,” you nod, sucking in a deep breath.
You watch her leave the store, letting that sigh of relief once you heard the bell above the door ring. You lean forward to put your flushed face in your palms, wrapping your head around everything that had just happened.
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skywqlkergf · 2 days
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anakin skywalker + blowjobs
f!reader. smut. softish anakin. praise. oral (m receiving). this was supposed to be a blurb and it's a little longer, hope you all like it. this is my first smut with anakin. :3
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it's not often that anakin lets you suck his cock, he much prefers to be sheathed in your warm, wet cunt. it's not that he's even remotely against receiving oral, he just prefers when he can take care of both of you.
today, though, today was different. he was beyond frustrated with the council, and obi-wan constantly breathing down his neck. he wanted to run and hide, but instead his pretty little thing has other ideas in mind.
you can practically smell the irritation coming off of him, from the way he stomps into the room. you usher him to sit down, quick to make him a drink and sit next to him intending to listen to him, first.
he ignores your looks of concerns and just envelopes himself with you, he pulls you in a for a tight squeeze before pushing his lips to yours. it's obvious, that he wants a distraction. a slice of his perfect piece of heaven, to ease the stress.
“let me help you, baby.” your soft voice coos at him, as you cradle his face in your hands. you push a kiss to his lips before climbing to the floor, in front of his lap.
“oh, baby, please. you don't need to, don't want your knees hurting you later.” his voice laced with concern, and your lips curve into a soft smile at his thoughtful nature when it comes to you.
“let me, please.” you urge him, you're not even sure when the last time he let you give him head. it was like an itch that you can't scratch. needing to feel him in your throat.
he can't help the smirk that starts, loving to listen to you beg. never did he think he'd be so lucky, as to have a girl who gets cockdrunk on him.
“if you want it that bad, who am i to tell you no?" he chuckles, his hand coming run his fingers through your hair for a moment. he was sure no one else could ever look as pretty on their knees for him as you do.
you're quick to untangle his pants and his cock springs up once you move anakin’s boxers. your mouth practically drools at the sight, but it's hard to ignore the emptiness in your cunt.
anakin leans back into the couch, legs spread, observing as you look at his member like it's the prettiest thing you've ever seen. and it is, anakin’s cock is thick and long, and it fits in all the right spaces when he's fucking you like there's no tomorrow. it's such a pretty pink at the head.
for now though, you want to focus on him. help him relieve some of that pressure, that you know is so hard for him to keep under control. you start with kitten licks on the underside of his cock.
it's enough to make him shudder, watching with darkened eyes as you take him into your mouth. swirling your tongue around the head, you look through lidded eyes to see his head fallen back against the couch. soft gasps and sighs falling from his mouth, like a prayer.
“doing so good f’me, baby.” the pleasure makes his words slur, and it gives you the motivation and drive to take more of him in.
easing into a nice rhythm of up and down, causing anakin to tug his lip between his teeth and his eyes flutter open to see you taking him all the way in.
his robotic hand coming to softly grasp, your hair, making you go just a little faster.
“just, fuck, yeah baby. just like that, mm.” he groans as he speaks and it makes you speed up. your favorite part is when he starts to get close, little shudders and whines as he attempts to let you do it all on your own.
it never stays that way for long, within moments both of his hands are using your hair as a handlebar. tugging quick and thrusting roughly down your throat.
“sorry, princess. fuck. can't help, myself. just too good.” he praises you, and your bring your hands up to fondle his balls. this is exactly what it takes to push him over the edge. one rough thrust and you can feel his warm cum cadcading down your throat, which you happily swallow.
you lean your head against his thigh, he softly rubs your face. a dorky smile meeting your soft colored and watery eyes.
“you look so pretty with those tears running down your cheeks.” anakin almost whispers, like it's a secret that only the two of you could know about.
“you should make me cry some more then.” you give him a cheeky smile. you know there's no way today's gonna end without a couple bruises as momentos. you wouldn't have it any other way.
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Note
i know that some of the mods are plural so do any of you know how you would explain plurality to a romantic partner who had never heard of it
we have only realised recently and i do not know what to do
oh shit well. tbh its different for everybody (which you probably expected me to say) so mod dash and i might have different answers, but. the best way ive found i can explain it is like. my brain is compartmentalized into different parts of myself that all help me process the world around me or something i went through or whatever, and its like im having. like. a constant conversation with myself from like seven different povs at any given moment
i just had to explain this to one of my coworkers who noticed my handwriting looked different (qius handwriting is so bad) and she got it? she called it a "mental support system" which i really like especially cause like. it completely wipes away peoples perceptions of systems as like Oh So You Have An Evil Alter Ego
ill get mod dash to comment on this too but for now i hope that helps a bit? good luck soldier
-mod dave
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amberrskiies · 2 years
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I remember reading Percy Jackson when I was like 11-12 years of age-
And there was this underwater kiss scene which happened in the fifth book between two characters in the book-
Now you're definitely wondering where I am going with this-
Okay so like imagine the underwater kiss but with Leviathan and MC! Amber-
Yeah okay goodbye- *runs over to who knows where*
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sonofshu · 29 days
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chibishortdeath · 21 days
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Hmmm I kinda want to make a side blog for RPG Maker game development related things to be able to talk to more experienced people in that community, but at the same time I both don’t really think I’d get much attention and don’t want to accidentally spoil my own game (^^ ; ).
I have a rough story, concept doodles, a tileset, some character sprites, an enemy that walks around but can’t initiate battle yet (if I even decide to have a battle system), a couple rooms with some events, and a functioning run button, but I’m still lost on how to do much else at the moment. Especially since this program has the ability for scripting, meaning I’ll probably have to learn and actually retain another coding language.
So, I’m not very far at all lol. Idk how well that’d go over on the established fandom website, but eh.
#text post#incoherent rambling#project update#game project#I’m still also debating whether or not I can actually even make a proper horror game too#It’s the rule of like just being a horror fan doesn’t make you good at horror being afraid of something does? ya know?#I am trying to go with things that scare me personally but it’s been difficult#either things aren’t concrete of concepts enough or are wayyyy too oddly specific to make anything about#which is quitter talk I know but how does one translate the childhood heebee jeebees of watching top ten gaming videos past bedtime 💀💀💀#or like the way too broad general fear of lack of control without making it too on the nose or too vague#truly a balancing act writing is#kinda ironically I am also a little bit less afraid of hospitals after having been to one for myself rather than family members#which makes things both more and less difficult???#on one hand I have better references for them now but on the other hand I’m desensitized to it 😔#I think I get used to things a little too easily for a lot of things to stay scary#the thing was a scary movie the first time I saw it and now it’s a comfort film#funger was a very scary game until I first died and reloaded a save with little consequence and now it’s just a spooky but fun rpg#but then at the same time thinking about a movie studio logo before a movie that scared me as a kid cause there was a monster in it#still gives weird left over shivers but actually seeing it doesn’t anymore for some reason#I feel like that’s how it’s worked with most things I’ve ever been afraid of in my life besides concepts like death control or idk drowning#ugh writing is HARD#but actually making a functional and fun to play game is harder oh my god do I not know how to make puzzles#I have made swivel chairs that can be knocked and walked over but that’s about it and idk what to do with that knowledge lmaooooo#and I don’t want the entire gameplay loop to be read text search room get key repeat cause that’s boring#I have also desperately tried making a stamina system but there’s not much help with that online especially not in the rpg maker forums#the no necroposting rule sucks all the threads for questions I have never get answered and never will cause no one is allowed to due to age#anyway idk what to tag this probably won’t get seen since it’s not my usual anyway but eh whatever I’ll think about this#hopefully I remember the passwords to two blogs 💀💀💀
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kavehater · 2 months
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I wish I could inject pasilyo into my brain so I can have permanent happiness
#There’s this specific part of the song#It srsly alters my brain chemistry#Anyways#i hate tumblr sm#Idk like I Gen hate being on here sm#No matter what account I make no matter if I tell ppl about it whether I don’t tell ppl I just hate this place soooo much#Like if I have a following it sucks because it’s rlly lonely if I don’t it’s still lonely and then if there’s nobody at all it’s lonely#Loneliness is what got me to discord boy so like :D#The fact I am genuinely missing him sm I’m gonna krill myself 😻🙏#Also I think I hate talking to minors cause these kids be letting themselves get groomed all the time I’m so tired of seeing it#The creep in my course is being so weird to Raisa who is a minor … I can’t help but think it’s all my fault … I invited her to the pharm gc#To show her how messy it was ….#I didn’t expect her to follow and accept requests of everyone …#Anyways I just am so annoyed. Like I wish I could have one person just one where I can be confident in being their no.1 but every time I th#Think I’m maybe somewhere high up on someone’s list of important ppl I realise I overestimated my position even tho I’m rlly self conscious#And being myself down over that. Also I still hate Eid. I hate Eid sm. How do ppl genuinely enjoy Eid. Idk if I’ve ever been excited for Ei#It’s like I’m just suddenly getting more sick of ppl by the day. I Gen don’t like talking to ppl at all even tho I used to rely on talking#To others like its sustenance now it’s just such a hassle to me because I’m so sick of being unimportant to literally every single person I#Have ever known. Literally everyone except maybe dahlia idk. the only person who has never gotten mad/snapped at me o is dahlia#And knowing my luck that will soon be taken from me too. Anyways good riddance to tumblr i loathe this site and im sick of the mind games#All the time from just existing on here. Gen makes me feel ill. I’m so sick of that girl I like and sick of everyone. The only time ppl car#Is when I cause a scene. And ykw atp I loathe being showed sympathy and pity for these sorts of posts because it just feels like a big joke#Cause why couldn’t you just care when I was fine. Why do you ONLY care when I’ve had enough of your bad behaviour. How does one make someon#Like me go mad with all these things#Istg if I come back to this dumb site whether to this acc to the tora one or my other account everyone has permission to beat me up.#dora daily#Tldr;I HATE ppl and everyone ever + I’m just sick of pretending like everyone doesn’t suck cause how can ppl be so insufferable intolerable#Insane horrible in every way and ppl like them. How do they live with themselves when they’re this aggravating. Every day I hate ppl more#Because their mannerisms their everything is just so embarrassing.#Essay tags 😻😻😻
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xxlelaxx · 1 month
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Anxiety makes enjoying good things so hard
#ignore me#my life has been too good lately and I'm starring to go insane from everything working#i hate myself so much#I've been trying ao be more social and be a good mom and be someone that my daughter can look up to and my husband can love#but it always ends up with me hating myself so fucking much#I've been eating too many sweets which already is setting a bad example qhen it comes to a healthy diet and my media consumption has been#worse lately and my anxiety is now making me unabke to sleep and I've stopped going on daily walks cause the pain is back#it was so nice not having it around for a while and it is makibg everything so much harder#the sleep makes me more irritable and i feel like all i do is fail my baby#my husbans said he doesnt feel loved by me anymore and I've been trying so hard to manage household baby and everything else but its not#enough i always feel like I'm never enough#I've been a horrible friend like always so i guess that is a constant thing in my life#as if that isnt the worst when my mental health gets worse i start getting flashbacks to remind me of everything that went wrong with me#and that just fuels my anxiety around my daughter living through everything i did as a child and i just cant do this#i just wish i could sleeo again#i think all of this is sleep deprivation but i don't know how to do everything without losing sleep or something#i just wanna rest and sleep for more then four hours without veing woken up#god what i would give for eight hours of continuous sleep#but my husbands shifts are so shit that i cant do that to him... also now that I'm at home he's the only one working and I'm terrified of#loosing him so i dont want him to be at work without sleeping well cause it could actually kill him#worst of all I'm just too stupid to ask for help or bother anyone with my stupid problems#and every time I'm away from her she just screams and i just can't take her screams anyo#anymore#i just want to pee and ahit and eat in peace
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kindacreepy-kindaugly · 2 months
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It never gets any fucking easier does it
#bitch bout to do smth very stupid here#i've kept my distance for what already feels like forever n i really thought by now i'd be. at least on the way to functioning on my own#i can ignore it when i'm doin ok but the pull never goes away it's always there#then i get low n i just. can't think of a reason to fight it anymore#i feel like i got sold just another lie. that if i just stay strong n don't go back then i'll start learning how to live w/o him but#did anyone actually tell me that? did i just lie to myself? he makes me feel awful most of the time but if i feel awful anyway then why not#sometimes it helps for a moment or two#that's if he even wants me around anyway. could you go either way#cause i'm sick n weak n suicidal just the way he likes me but also he might be too focused on doll to feel like playin w/ me rn#i feel like everyone told me it'd get easier but maybe they didn't. or maybe i'm doin smth wrong.#honestly it might be my fault he's gettin worse again in the first place cause maybe he was right n i just need a villain in my life#someone to blame when everything's too hard#i guess i wouldn't know what to do w/ myself if he really changed like we supposedly want him to so.....#i hate how i'm realizing he was right about more n more things all the fucking time#i can't do this on my own. i need someone to go to someone i can rely on someone to hold me#others in this system got someone who actually cares about em n what do i get? fucking val#i try not to go there cause it's not healthy but lately it's been hard to convince myself this life isn't a punishment#hell was too cozy so they put me here instead. i don't deserve to be looked after. i only deserve to be used#i don't know what exactly it was i did that was so awful but. i can't make sense of it any other way#so there must be something. this is just me gettin my due.#why else would i have been made like this? wired wrong for this world in so many ways always needin too much#so stop bitching n whining about it n just take it like a good boy#i'm still a good boy if i rly put myself into it right?#spdrvent
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frostysfrenzy · 2 months
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My birthday is 2 months away and I'm already coming up with my excuse for how I'm going to book it off work that isnt simply "it's my birthday and I don't want to work"
#it's only really because my birthday falls on a tuesday. tuesdays are hell in the spring and summer for the actual jays fan in me#if it was literally any other day except maybe the weekend I'd be down to go in for a few hours#but i do not deserve to go in at 7am to listen to some obnoxious ass that can't sing sing random lines every 5 minutes#and the rest of the guys who i at least respect for everything other than their baseball opinions slander everything i like about baseball#if i had guts I'd just say that but I'm also not an idiot and i do like the job. moreso in the fall and winter when its not baseball shit#i can barely enjoy the games for myself anymore#the customers would be amazing i know that. but the horrors would be too much and i don't want to be miserable coming home on my bday#i considered just asking someone to switch and taking the later shorter shift but that would mean having to work with the girl#who just bitches about our one coworker as soon as i give her the time of day and say hi. not wanting that either I'm never volunteering#to work with her. and i know a coworker took her bday off earlier in the year. i know because i was pissed about covering it#so I'd look a little stupid booking mine off but I'm pretty sure she had actual plans and i likely will not cause its. a tuesday#could book the whole week but again. guilty conscience. there's not enough bodies to cover#i feel bad just taking a day i could full well work. but guess what. no.#so if somebody can make me plabs be my guest you have two months go#or a good excuse help a girl out
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youngks-smile · 3 months
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What I Want You To Know About Long COVID
Well lads, I've been suffering from Long COVID for over a year now. My life is at a complete standstill. I'm 25 years old and I'm too sick to go back to school, I can't work, I had to move back in with my parents and I'm still stuck here.
Here are just a few things I wish people knew about Long COVID, including things I didn't know myself until I got it.
COVID destroys your immune system. Yes, even if you don't have Long COVID. Are you getting sick more often now? When you get sick, does it last longer? There are many studies showing that COVID causes t cell depletion, even in mild COVID cases! T cells are how your body remembers how to fight off infections you've had before so losing those cells? Bad news.
Your initial infection can be mild and you can still get Long COVID. Right from Yale Medicine, "Most people with Long COVID had mild acute COVID." (This is also a good link for a basic Long COVID overview).
There can be a gap of time between when you "get better" from the initial COVID infection to the onset of Long COVID symptoms. Some people get sick with an initial COVID infection and never get better. Some get better and then weeks or months later start developing Long COVID symptoms. Long COVID symptoms can even fluctuate over time, can go away for months and then suddenly come back.
So many people have Long COVID and don't realize it. Do you feel more tired lately but no matter how much you sleep, nothing helps? Is it harder to concentrate at work or school? Can you just not think like you used to? You could have Long COVID and not even know it. Even mild post-COVID symptoms are still Long COVID.
COVID can do anything to your body. Long COVID has over 200 recognized symptoms and can affect basically any part or system of your body. There is no one mechanism or cause of Long COVID which unfortunately also means there's no one cure either.
The effects of COVID are cumulative. Each COVID reinfection increases your chances of developing Long COVID. COVID is also affecting your body in other ways, yes, even if you're otherwise young and healthy! "Repeat COVID-19 infections increase risk of organ failure, death".
Once you have Long COVID, repeat COVID infections will make your symptoms worse. "80% [of Long COVID patients] saw their symptoms worsen [from reinfection]. In 60% of people who were in recovery or remission from Long COVID, reinfection caused a recurrence of Long COVID."
There is a lot more I want to say about Long COVID but I want to keep this post at least somewhat manageable to read. Like how when COVID is contracted during pregnancy, those COVID-exposed fetuses have a 6.3-fold increased risk of motor developmental delays, or that another study found 50% of babies exposed to COVID in utero had developmental delays.
You need to keep caring about COVID, for others around you and also for yourself even if you're "healthy". Everyone is at risk. And don't forget 40-60% of COVID infections are asymptomatic, which is why masking even if you feel fine is crucial. The only way right now to not get Long COVID is to not get COVID in the first place. It's not too late, if you've stopped masking it's never too late to start again! I know it's easy to get distracted by things in your life that seem more real than the possibility of getting sick some time in the future, and the peer pressure to not mask can be intense. But it only feels less real or less important until your entire life is having Long COVID. Trust me.
I know this is a complicated issue, many people can't afford to stay home when sick even if they want to because of their jobs, there are disgusting policies trying to ban wearing masks, but please if you can. Keep masking. Masking works, masking saves lives.
This post got a bit longer than I wanted so below the cut is a non-exhaustive list of my Long COVID symptoms and some of my experiences as one of the "healthy young people" who got "unlucky". cw brief mention of suicidal ideation.
Welcome to the Thunderdome that is my body with Long COVID. Keep in mind these are just my experiences and symptoms, Long COVID can cause any range of symptoms at varying severities.
Dysautonomia: Exercise intolerance, Post-Exertional Malaise (PEM), fatigue, and heat intolerance. What do those things mean? Here's some specific examples. Absolutely terrible circulation I am so cold all the time but also, if I get a little too warm I will pass out. Eating hot food makes my heart rate spike, I sweat, my body feels heavy. Blood pooling and pins and needles in my feet when I walk. Don't even think about exercising past walking, it's impossible. I used to work out an hour a day 4 times a week and now walking up one flight of stairs makes my heart pound and I can't breathe. Can't take even just warm showers anymore or I will pass out. Heat rashes from being in the sun for 10 minutes.
Digestive issues: Honestly too many to name but: constant bloating, extreme nausea, constipation, slow motility, lack of appetite, just so much cramping and pain. I lost 18 pounds from Long COVID, as someone who was already considered underweight their entire life, and almost had to get a shunt put into my chest to deliver nutrients because I was nearly completely unable to eat. For the first 6 months of Long COVID, if I could manage 600 calories a day, that was a good day.
Histamine intolerance: Oh boy. My worst symptoms, I don't even know where to start with it. If you know Mast Cell Activation Syndrome (MCAS) it's very similar. I can only eat 19 foods. If i eat a single bite of something not on that list, it's 48 hours of absolute hell. Coughing, migraines, itchy eyes, such extreme nausea I cannot even describe it, panic/feeling of doom, racing heart rate, derealization, rash, uncontrollable muscle tremors. I only learned about histamine intolerance 5 months into having Long COVID so before that, I was experiencing these symptoms nearly every single day. Terrifying isn't even a strong enough word to describe how it felt to experience all this and have no idea what it was, how to stop it, or if it would ever stop. Really dark times.
Neurological issues: More of that derealization. Inability to concentrate. Anxiety. OCD-like symptoms such as thoughts getting "stuck" in my head, repeating 24/7 completely unable to stop them, genuinely felt like my brain had cracked open and I had lost my mind. Constant dizziness like I'm on a boat.
Sleep issues: I sleep like garbage. I have insomnia, I wake up dozens of times every night and every single time I sleep I have intensely vivid dreams. I can't sleep longer than 7 hours total no matter how exhausted I am. It is exhausting. I'm exhausted, I'm so so tired.
And finally. Just. Really intense suicidal ideation. My body, my health, my entire life has been stolen from me because someone else decided my life was worth less to them than wearing a mask or staying home if they feel sick. Before I got Long COVID, I was preparing to go to South Korea to teach English, then on to a PhD in neurolinguistics, I was supposed to meet my long distance partner and had already booked plane tickets when I got sick. All of that has been destroyed.
Most of us with Long COVID are stuck in a cycle of being extremely sick, then if you're lucky you'll slowly get better over months, just to get reinfected and go right back where you started or worse. Honestly, I'm not scared of dying from COVID. I'm scared of living for a long time, suffering from Long COVID the entire time. This isn't living.
I don't know how to end this now. I'm still fighting, I'm trying experimental treatments, I'm not giving up yet. I hope everyone reading this stays healthy and well.
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strawbebyjam · 6 months
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thinking abt how agar tum saath ho was my oh-god-i-hope-i-never-feel-like-that song and now it’s the oh-shit-that’s-where-things-are-and-will-stay song
#i love it here!#i know i can’t change anything but like#idk wish i’d never heard these sobgs in the first place#cause now they just randomly loop in my brain til i cry even though i’m actively avoiding listening to them??? help#like mitski hadestown and sad desi music are literally. earworming to no end as if i am not already wrecked enough HDJDHDDH#it’s been like. barely a month i thh#i think or two months i’m not sure but it feels like i’ve been stuck in this. gross heartbroken version of myself for a year. like time#feels so criminally warped HDJDHD it sucks? i feel so pathetic like#on the one hand i don’t wanna discount that the person that ends things can also feel a lot of pain and i know things aren’t sunshine on#either side but on the other hand i do feel like i’m the one who’s more. like. i’m not hurting more there’s not really a gauge for that but#i feel like i’m definitely more pathetic HDNDHDHD#like they must see me and think. holy shit. how did i ever love that mess. yknow. like#idk feeling gross! feeling. extremely. just repulsive? and unable to imagine any world where i have any appeal n the like. thought that mayb#maybe that’s what they see too when they look back has been. stuck in mu head on top of all else and it makes everything so mych worse#i wanna be good avout all this so bafly and i keep failing and i dont know what yo do with muself#everytime i try to do something thats supposed yo be good or healthy it feels so. horrible#ive didappointed so many people i jnkw that and i dont beed like. msuic and shit to remind me i already feel like im at rock bottom#neg#mano.mindtalk#tonight is. very not great GDJDHDHD
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robinsnest2111 · 6 months
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thinking about everyone who experienced me, premium front row seats and audience participation included, at my absolute worst and still want to have something to do with current day me. idk what I did to deserve you peeps in my life and I hope every single day I can be a good friend to you now that I'm actively trying to heal 🙏
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sugume · 4 months
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THINK I WANNA HAVE YOUR BABY w/Jujutsu Kaisen
( TW ) f!Reader, Breeding kink, unprotected sex, cream pie, cum inflation, hair pulling, sex toys, overstimulation, stepdad!Toji, daddy kink, overstimulation
Featuring: Gojo Satoru, Toji Fushiguro, Geto Suguru & Choso Kamo
authors note: repost bc tumblr took it down for no reason...
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☾ GOJO SATORU
“Fuck Love, you’re sucking me so good.” Satoru groans, struggling to not crash the car. During dinner, you two kept passing each other such heated looks that even your friends commented on the tension. Earlier today, you got a notification from your health app that you were ovulating. Satoru jumped on you as soon you told him, he wanted to stay in all day and fuck, but your guys’ friends blew up his phone reminding him of the promises you both made to them. After dinner you couldn't keep your hands off each other, you were desperate for his cum and Satoru was desperate to breed you. “Don’t cum ‘Toru.” You warn before sticking his cock back in your mouth. “Can’t help it Love, mouth too fuckin’ good,” he says, sighing in relief when he pulls onto your street, clicking the button in his car that opens the garage. He barely has the chance to take the keys out of the ignition before you pull him out of the car. “Don’t have time to make it up to the bed, just fuck me right here.” You demand, leaning over the car and presenting Satoru with your ass. Satoru pulls your dress up and shoves his cock into your pussy. He reaches over your hip to stimulate your clit. “‘Toru, just cum in me, I don't care ‘bout gettin’ off.” You move your ass in perfect sync with his hips. “You sure Love–” “Breed me ‘Toru!” You moan, feeling his cum fill you up. You drop your head to the still-warm hood of the car, finally able to catch your breath now that his load was deep in your cunt. “C’mon Love, let's finish this in the bedroom.” 
☾ TOJI FUSHIGURO  
You peak over the corner of the hallway, winking at Toji who was busy talking to your mother. ‘Come fuck me.’ Your mouth once you catch his attention before running back up the stairs, careful not to make any noises. You told your mom that you weren't feeling well, that during the drive back from college you must’ve caught something. In all honestly, you just wanted a chance to freely fuck your stepdad without your mother coming in and out of your room. Specifically, you wanted to be bred by him, and the best way to keep his cum in you was to use several pillows and put them under your ass so his cum didn’t spill out, hence why you didn't want your mom to barge into your room. Thank God she's a germaphobe. You strip out the Pj set you threw on and lay yourself face down, ass up. Your stepdad’s favorite position. As expected, you hear your stepdad softly shut the door a few minutes later. “Desperate now, are we?” He grips your hips. “Always desperate for you Daddy.” you mumble into the bed. “Huh,” he slaps your ass before pulling you up by the hair. “Didn’t hear you slut.” “Said ‘m always desperate for you Daddy, even prepared myself with the dildo you bought me.” You whimper. “Such a good girl,” He pulls his hard cock out of his slacks, gives it a few tugs before stuffing your cunt to the brim. “Now take this dick slut.” He pushes your head down into your lilac duvet. You try and fail to be silent when his dick hits that special spot every time he goes deep enough. “You okay in there, y/n?” You hear your mother's muffled voice through the door. You clench down on your daddy's dick in surprise, causing him to fuck you faster. “Y/n?” “Y-yes mom, I'm fine, just go away p-please.” You gasp out, throwing your head back into the bed in ecstasy when you hear her mumble and walk away. “Daddy, 'm cumming! Cum with me!” You whisper-yell. “Gonna fill this pussy, get you so full of my seed you can never leave this house again.” He grunts, slamming into you at a bruising pace. “Yes, please Daddy, fill me up!” You orgasm and Toji follows suit, filling you with so much cum it spills out.  
☾ GETO SUGURU 
“I'm so full Sugu.” You mumble, dazed. You fight the urge to close your eyes and fall back into Suguru’s big, warm chest. “Wake up sweet girl. ‘M not done yet.” He mumbles into your sweaty neck. “B-but Sugu–” “Shush Lovebug, one more time.” Suguru looks over your shoulder to see where you two are connected. He plugged you up good, but after so many loads a trickle of his cum slowly travels down his almost empty balls. “O-one more.” You grab his chin and kiss him sweetly. He rubs your noses together before grabbing your hips and moving you down the shaft of his cock. He pays close attention to not pull you over the tip of his cock. You hold onto your stomach, feeling it protrude slightly more than normal, Sugu’s cock and cum inflating you. You feel like a cum filled, flesh light as Sugu moves you to his liking. It’s hard to believe he has more cum in him. “Fuck Lovebug, you feel so warm and tight.” He mummers, giving you a few more neck kisses. You lean closer into him. Right now, you want to live in his skin. “Love you Sugu, can’t wait ta have your baby.” “I Love you too, can’t wait to see you carryin’ my child.” He grips your hips tighter at the thought.  “‘bout to fuck another load into you sweet girl, you wan’ it?” “Yes please, more than anything.” You rest your head back into his shoulder. He shrugs at your head until your mouth is close enough to kiss. He slams your hips down and cums as you two make out and whisper sweet nothings. 
☾ CHOSO KAMO
“Again, Baby.” Choso holds the vibrator to your clit. You arch your back and forget the fact that you have nipple clamps on. You scream when the clamps move. Your entire body is sensitive, Choso came up with the idea to simulate you to the max when you said you wanted to have his baby, that you wanted him to breed to and fill you to the brim with his cum. You readily agreed to his idea because you knew that the more orgasms you had the better chance you had to get pregnant, something about the virginal walls relaxing when women orgasm. Now though, you’re regretting it. Choso’s been holding the vibrator on your clit for the last hour and every time you think you’ve gone numb to the sensation; he finds a way to make you cum harder than the last. “N-no Choso, ‘m done down, I've cum as I can, wan’ you to fuckmenow!” You slur your words, the pleasure making you lightheaded. “One more Babygirl.” He soothes you, rubbing your stomach and imagining what you’d look like full of his cum. Beautiful, you’d look beautiful. “At least fuck me while you give me another orgasm!” You argue, staring at him with glossed-over puppy eyes. Choso gives in and situates himself between your legs, still holding the vibrator over your clit. You sigh happily when he sets the vibrator down and thrust his cock in you. You thought you were completely numb down there but the feeling of Choso thrusting into your hole that’s been contracting nothing felt godly. Adding that with the vibrator that he put back on your clit, you come immediately. “Choso!” You scream clenching around him so tight he can’t help cumming. “Fuck! ‘M filling you up so good baby!” 
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xxblairexxss · 10 months
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A fresh start
Pairing : Charles Leclerc x singlemom!reader
Theme : Angst, fluff
Word count : 4.2k
Part 2
Requested!
In which Charles had a crush on the new member of the team without knowing he was already a good friend of her toddler.
It gets a little heavy near the end so heads up! Not proofread!
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"There seems to be a problem with the downforce. It kind of eats the tyre quite a lot."
Charles felt a touch on his hip while he was too busy listening to the engineers. Looking down, he saw a small kid patting on his leg, while the other hand seemed to be offering him something. "Hey, are you giving this to me?" He asked, pulling the headset from his ear as he crouched down.
"Yeah! My mom always gives me candy whenever I am stressed with my homework. You can—oh." The little kid fumbled with the wrapping paper that was securely wrapped around the lollipop. "I can’t take the plastic off for you. Sorry…"
"Oh, it’s okay. Let me help you." Charles twiddled with the wrapper as it went loose before he pulled it off. "There! Oh, for me? Are you sure?"
"No stress! Bye bye!" The toddler waved and sprinted off, leaving Charles with the strawberry lollipop in his hand.
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"Any idea who she is?" Charles nudged Joris and tipped his chin towards the girl who was across the room.
"She’s part of the communication executive." Joris took a quick glance and went back to his phone.
"I have never seen her before." His eyes were latched on the girl, seeing the way she talked with her hands, nodding and smiling at whatever the other girl was talking about.
"She just joined the team."
"What’s her name?" Charles nudged Joris again, causing him to heave a sigh and stand up.
"Y/N!" Joris called out.
"Joris! What the fuck?" Charles slapped his friend’s leg and looked away. The phone in his hand seemed to be looking much more interesting, though it wasn’t even turned on. While his fingers were dancing and tapping on any random buttons on his phone, his ears were listening to the conversation—well, more like listening to her voice. It was weird how he had never seen her before, but Joris seemed to be getting along with her very well.
"That was Y/N." Joris gave a smile, stealing a peep from Charles’s phone, and laughed when he saw it was on camera, capturing Charles’s face from an angle below. "Nice picture, by the way. Is that why you couldn’t stop looking at it when she was here?"
"Very unnecessary, Joris. You could have just told me her name." He threw his cap on and stood up to leave the room.
"I thought you wanted to get to know her." Joris exclaimed, seeing his best friend walking away.
"I can figure that one myself!"
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"Charlie!"
"Hey, Adam! Give me a five!" He bent down as the little one hopped and touched their hands together. This has been his fourth time seeing him, and every single time, his visit would get longer and longer. The first time he met the kid, he just dropped by to give him candy and walked away. This time, he came by with candy and shared a few little jokes and games.
"Do you always wander around the paddock alone? Your dad never gets mad." He ripped the top off the candy and handed it to the kid.
"No, mommy won’t be mad if I just stay around the red garage. Oh! Sour!" His face scrunched up, making the driver cackle.
"Oh? You’re with your mom? Dang, this is sour." He made a face and shivered as the sourness hit.
"Yeah, I’m with mommy! Daddy is…" He looked down, his bottom lips jutting out. Charles knew right away it wasn’t something light if this was the reaction coming from a 4-year-old kid, so he cut the topic short.
"You don’t have anything sweet in there? I’m not a fan of sour candy."
Adam patted his pockets and shook his head. "No more candy! I stole that from mommy. Shh, she didn’t know." He put his pointy finger on his lips and giggled.
"Your secret is safe with me, buddy. I have to go. See you around, Adam!" Charles stood up and gave the little one a pat on the head before he went to get Andrea for his short meeting before the press conference.
"This will be your..." 
Charles was slapped with what felt like a brick when it was just a file of papers, but the sting was unexpected, causing him to lean back as he covered one side of his face with his hand.
"Oh! I’m so sorry! Are you okay? Did I just slap you?"
Chuckling, he shook his head and pressed his palm on his eyes—the ones that just got slapped on. "No, no. Well, yes, I’m okay. Are you–"  Her beauty from up close astounded him, erasing all vocabularies in his head as he went blank. "You are beautiful," he muttered.
"Sorry?"
"Oh? Oh, nothing. Y/N, right?" He offered a handshake with the widest grin. "I’m Charles."
"Everyone knows who you are, Charles." You laughed, accepting the handshake. "How do you know my name? I never properly introduced myself."
"Oh, Joris told me." He answered, his eyes still on her, making him look like a fool without realising it.
"Do you have anything else to say? Because I need to." She pointed the other way. "I need to head there."
He pulled himself back to his senses and stepped aside. "Oh, sorry about that. I’m not going to hold you any longer."
"Sorry about that. Good luck in the qualifying round!"
"Oh, wait! Is this yours?" He crouched down and took the sour candies on his feet. The same one he got from the kid
"Oh, yeah! Must have slipped off my hand. Thank you!"
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"Mommy, look!"
You took the paper that he handed to you and cackled at the drawing. "What is this, sweetheart?"
"Guess, mommy! Look, I drew the moustache too." He pointed at the little lines, wearing the proudest smile.
"A moustache? Is that a cat?"
"Yes! Like the one we used to have!" He started collecting all of his marker pens and coloured pencils, placing them in his small pencil case as he saw you start packing your stuff. "Are we going back already?"
"Yeah, mommy’s all done with my work, so we can head back early. Should we go on a little date and get ice cream?" Shutting down your laptop, you placed them in the case when Adam seemed to be rushing to go somewhere with his little backpack. "Where are you going?"
"Mommy, wait! I haven’t met Charlie!"
"What even is Charlie?" You muttered, picking up the missing marker pens he had missed for rushing.
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"Hey, munchkin! I was waiting for you." Charles grinned and offered his hand for a high five. "Where have you been?"
"Oh! I’m going back already. Wait!" He sneaked his little hand into his pocket and frowned when he couldn’t find the thing he was looking for. Charles then saw him pull his arms off his small backpack and sneak his little hand inside the small compartment. "This is for you!"
"You are going home? Why?" Taking the small Mars bar from the little one, he kept it in his hand as he helped him put on his backpack again.
"Mommy’s done with her work early today, so I’m going out on a date!"
Charles grabbed his little arm before he could sprint away. "You? You are going out on a date? Wait, with who?"
"Adam!"
The driver’s facial expression went blank as he heard the voice. The little arm in his hand slipped off as he saw the little one run and hug the legs of the woman he has been dying to talk to over the past couple of months.
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"Mommy!"
You ruffled his hair as he crashed into you. "Have you met your Charlie?" Bending down, you squeezed his chubby cheeks as you took his hand in yours.
"Yes! That’s Charlie!" He exclaimed, pointing at someone.
You saw Charles still crouching down with a Mars bar in his hand. He was already looking at you as you laid your eyes on him. He looked surprised and stunned, as he didn’t seem to catch the smile you gave.
"He's—he’s yours? Adam, is your kid?" He queried, taking steps closer.
"Yeah, he’s my son. Wait–" Looking down, you cupped his little cheek. "Adam, Charlie, is Charles? Is this the friend you have been giving your candy away to?"
"Yes!" he squealed.
You thought he had been making friends with a cat or any other person, but not with an actual driver, because who would have thought he would have the most time in the world to be friends with a 4-year-old kid? "I’m so sorry if he had been bothering you. I truly had no idea about that.”
"It’s okay, Y/N. I got free candies." He showed the Mars bar he had in his hand, making you chuckle.
"I am going out on a date with mommy. Do you want to come?"
His words became a mumble as you quickly covered his mouth. "Charlie is busy, Adam." Tilting your head back and facing the driver, you asked the little one to wave before walking away. "I’ll get going now. Say bye, Adam."
"Bye, Charlie!"
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"What’s with that smile?" Joris peeked his head to look at the little kid, who kept looking back every now and then to wave his little hand at the driver.
"Nothing." Charles ripped off the Mars bar in his hand and took a bite of it, cocking his brow at Joris, who seemed to have more questions. "What?"
"Nothing." He mimicked Charles’s expression and moved away before he could get hit in the head.
"You didn’t tell me she had a kid." Charles blurted.
"I thought you wanted to figure it out yourself. Why? Does it change anything?"
"What do you mean?" He queried, taking another bite from the chocolate bar.
"Does it change your little crush on her now that you know she has a kid?"
"No, not at all. I like her even more now." He chuckled and did a double take on his friend. "Wait, how do you know I have a crush on her?"
"Because you aren’t being too discreet about it. I bet Adam knew it too. Give me that." Joris snatched the chocolate bar from the driver’s hand and took the last bite. "You shouldn’t eat too much sweet for your diet, you know."
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"Adam, I need your help." The sound of music in the room was cut off when the driver finally spoke what had been in his head for weeks. Charles was lying down on the couch in his driver room with his little friend, while the little one was too busy colouring the dinosaur from his book.
"More candy?" He asked, switching to a different colour pencil from his case.
"No, not candy. I wanted to ask your mom on a date." He put his phone away and sat up, looking at the little one full of anticipation.
"No."
"Wait, what? Why?" Charles stood up and took a seat by Adam’s side. He casually started participating in the colouring activity as he took a blue pencil and started filling in the tail section of the dinosaur. "I thought we were friends?"
"Mommy only goes on a date with me."
"She might want to go on a date with me." He assured him, helping him change to a different coloured pencil.
"I don’t want mommy to cry again, so, no. I need to go now!" He stood up and packed his colourful stuff inside his little backpack with the help of the driver.
"I won’t make her cry, Adam." Charles handed him his colouring book as the toddler stood up to leave.
"That’s what Daddy used to say too. Bye bye, Charlie!"
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"Charlie hurt?" 
"Yes, sweetheart. He crashed today, so you shouldn’t bug him, okay? Just stay here." You pinched his little cheek before handing him his iPad. "Not too long. Turn it off when mommy says so, alright?"
Adam did listen to you and stayed in the break room while you sorted out a few things before race day tomorrow. There wasn’t any meeting until the next hour, so you got to do your work while listening to your kid watch Coco ten times this weekend.
Until you heard a knock on the door,
"Hi. Uhm, I’m looking for Adam." Your eyes widened as the driver peeked his head inside the room.
"Charlie!" He put his iPad to the side and hopped off the couch to run straight into Charles’s arms.
"Why didn’t you come to see me?"
"Mommy said I shouldn’t bug you. Are you okay?" You chuckled when he cupped the driver’s cheeks with his small hands.
"Yeah, I’m okay. Wait, actually, not really."
To that, Adam gasped and covered his mouth with his hands. "Oh, no! You need candy?"
"Come here." Charles pulled your son to the end of the room, so you were no longer able to eavesdrop on the conversation.
You saw those two start whispering something, giggling, and laughing while you were left out. "Bye Charlie!" He waved as the driver trod, leaving the break room.
"Bye, munchkin. See you, Y/N. You look beautiful in a ponytail, by the way."
You were taken back by the sudden compliment, and your hand went to stroke your hair now that he mentioned it. "But I always have my hair tied?"
"Yeah, that’s what I meant." He gave a wink before walking away, leaving you and your toddler, who seemed to find the whole situation funny.
"What did he tell you?" You tried to pry into their business, acting casual by going back to your work.
"It’s a secret!" He winked, which looked more like a face scrunch as he went back on his iPad, making you frown in confusion.
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"Go! Open the door!"
"I can’t. Give me a second."
"Why?"
"I’m nervous, buddy."
"I’ll open it for you!"
"No, no!"
You were staying in the break room, playing with your phone while your little one stayed outside, watching an army of people in the paddock celebrate the drivers on the podium. He had promised to stay just outside the room so you wouldn’t have to worry about him being in the crowd, but minutes later, you kept hearing whispers right outside the door. You weren’t sure who the owner of the other one was, but you were so sure one of them belonged to your son.
"Mommy?" 
"The door is not locked, love. Just come in." You replied and went back to your phone, expecting him to walk in, but he didn’t.
"Go, Charlie!”
"Is there anything wrong?" Placing the phone away, you pushed the door open and saw that your toddler kept on pushing the driver towards your door. "Charles? Do you need anything?"
"Y/N. Actually–"
"Charlie wants to ask you out on a date!" Adam cut in.
The words made you flabbergasted. That was impossible. Why would he ask you out on a date when every woman he met on a daily basis dressed up way better and had better body shape than you?
And they were single. While you were a divorcee, you even had a kid.
"Stop joking around, Adam. Leave Charlie alone, okay?" Adam hid behind the driver as you tried to grab his arm, giggling while hugging Charles’s legs.
"Would you go out on a date with me?"
You gave a dry smile and shook your head right away. "Sorry, Charles. I have a kid, remember? Who’s going to take care of him if I—“
"Joris will play with me! Right, Charlie?" He pulled on the Ferrari’s shirt, chuckling as he felt Charles’s hand on his neck.
"Joris agreed to take care of Adam for one night. They are best friends." Charles assured.
"I can’t, Charles. I’m so sorry."
He followed you inside while Adam stayed outside to find Joris. "But why?" You ignored him. "Y/N, why?"
"I should be asking you that. Why me? I don’t get it. I have a kid, Charles." You took your phone and started taking your laptop bag.
"And what’s wrong with that?"
"Nothing’s wrong, but you have all those hot girls ready for you to ask them out. I am way out of your league, Charles." 
He held your arm to stop you from walking out of the room. "I got Adam’s permission, and I promised him that I was going to take you out. Please give me a chance."
"How did you get his permission?"
You saw him awkwardly smile as he scratched the back of his neck. "He promised me his permission if I ended up in the top 5 this weekend."
Laughing, you rolled your eyes at how ridiculous the deal was.
"Is that a yes?" He tilted his head, having a little faith in how the tension in the room seemed to die down.
"Fine. Just one date."
To that, he bit his lips and threw up a fist. "Yes! You’ll be in Maranello next weekend, yeah? I’ll pick up."
"Sure, I’ll send you the address."
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"Be nice to Joris, alright?"
"Mommy looks very pretty!" He placed both of his palms on your cheeks and gave you a kiss before hugging you by the neck. "Have fun with Charlie! Let me know if he makes you cry, and I’ll." He showed you his little fist. "I’ll hit him!"
Giggling, you kiss him back on his cheek. "I thought you said he was nice."
"Yeah, Charlie is very nice. That’s why I let him take mommy out on a date." He ran towards the main door as Joris helped put his sneakers on. "Bye mommy!"
Back then, when he was born, you always worried if you were able to raise him all on your own. If you could take on both responsibilities as his mother and father figure at a young age, You were grateful enough, as he had grown up to be a very gentle and cheerful kid, despite what he had witnessed occasionally whenever your ex-husband paid a visit. He was never a good dad. He never wanted to be one. Adam barely called him dad. He never knew what it felt like to have a dad, but he would always reassure you that he was glad enough to have the perfect mom. Though you tried to keep your marriage problems between you and your ex-husband, Adam was smart enough to figure out what his dad was like. Whenever your ex-husband came by, you would always get bruises on your body. Maybe that was why your little one grew up to be very protective of you, despite his age.
Charles had told you he was a few minutes away, so you weren’t expecting to see your former spouse when you opened the door.
"Where are you going?" He pushed the door and walked inside as if he had any right to do so.
"It’s none of your business. Please leave."
"It’s my house. Where’s Adam? And why are you all dressed up?" He scanned you up and down, smirking as if you looked humorous.
"Leave, please."
"Come on, baby. I haven’t seen you for months. I have missed you."
You pressed your lips into a thin line, feeling the tears well up in your eyes. Whenever you were home, he would always come by to ask for sex. He would beat you up if you ever resisted any of his attempts, but you would rather get beaten than be in the same bed with him again. You were just glad Adam wasn’t here to witness it all again. "Leave me alone!" You yelled, pushing him off from pinning your body against the wall.
"You fucking bitc—who’s that?" His hand, which was about to hit you in the face, came to an abrupt stop when the doorbell rang.
"It’s no one." The doorbell rang again.
"Go and open the door. It’s fucking annoying." He pushed you on your head, making you jerk forward towards the door.
You wiped on your tears that rolled down your cheeks before twisting the lock as you were greeted by Charles, with his dimples that went shallow as soon as he saw you.
"Y/N? Are you crying?"
You let out a sob and tilted your face away from the tears that rolled down your cheeks again. "I’m sorry, I can’t make it today."
"What’s wrong? Did something happen?" He gently tilted your face and felt his stomach drop when he saw your broken expression. "What happened, Y/N?"
"I–" You sobbed again.
"She wants you to leave, kid."
Charles pushed the door wider as he walked in and stood in front of you. "Who are you?"
"I’m her husband."
You felt his hand on your arm as he pulled you closer; his gaze was still locked on the older guy.
Charles let out a chuckle, seeing how absurd this whole situation was. "So, you are the ex-husband. Well, I don’t think it was me who wasn’t supposed to be in here."
"Kid, this is my house, and that bitch that you are touching is mine." He snarled.
"Don’t call me that. And she’s not yours." Charles furrowed at the man, feeling your hand gripping his arm.
"Ah, so she’s yours now? Did you claim her yet?"
"She’s not mine. She’s no one's possession because she’s not a fucking item. You should leave." His teeth were clenched as his gaze pierced the man. "Leave before I call the cops on you."
"I’ll get going first, baby. See you when this motherfucker is gone, yeah?" You flinched when you felt his cold skin on your cheek.
"Don’t fucking touch her." Charles yanked his hand away and locked the door after the older man was gone, leaving you and him alone.
"Did he hurt you?" Charles cupped on your face, heaving a sigh of relief when there wasn’t anything serious as you shook your head at his question.
Charles wanted to ask a lot of questions, but you were still shaken up by the whole thing, so he grabbed you by your hand as both of you settled down on the couch.
"You can leave, Charles. I’m sorry for ruining your night."
"It wasn’t your fault, Y/N. And who said the date was ruined? Adam told me you love pizza, so are you up for a pizza night?" He found himself grinning when he saw that little smile on your beautiful face.
It was supposed to be a romantic dinner date; instead, you were sitting on the couch with a box of pizza while watching a Disney movie. Charles had to pick out the pineapple on every slice of pizza and vocally judged you on your preference because there was no way he could eat a pizza with a pineapple together.
But it was a very fun night. It was enough to make you completely forget what had happened earlier, but enough to not make the day all about that.
"Y/N, can I ask something?" He picked out another pineapple, trying so hard not to make a disgusted face, which made you laugh.
"Is this about what happened?" You confirmed.
"Yeah, but if you don’t feel comfortable answering, then it’s fine." Charles took a bite of his now pineapple-free pizza.
"No, it’s okay. You can ask." You collected the pineapple he picked off and ate it on its own.
"How long?"
"How long has it been since he did that? It was on and off. If he got a new girlfriend, he would stop coming by for a couple of months." You saw the look he had on you, and it made you feel sad at how bad your life has turned out to be.
"You didn’t report to the police?"
"I did, but I never got any further updates. I even tried to move away, but he always managed to find me back. Which is why I’m always happy whenever I have to travel for work. That way, he won’t be able to ruin my life, and Adam could live his life as a child without having to worry about me." You looked away as you started to clean up the empty box as an excuse so you wouldn’t have to look at his face any longer or you would be crying again.
"I’ll see what I can do. It’s about time for the authority to take action about this. I promise I’ll help you."
"Thank you, Charles. I owe you a lot. I really don’t know how to pay you back." You beamed and dipped your hand in the small box.
"You still owe me a proper date?"
"Fine, make it the second date. Do you want candy?" You handed him one as you popped one in your mouth.
"Ah!" Charles blurted it out, making you jump. "How could I miss this?" He took the sour candy and burst out laughing. It was the same candy that he had been getting from Adam way before he found out he was related to you. "Adam had been stealing your sour candies all this time to share them with me."
"Really?" You laughed along, connecting the dots as to why your candy seemed to be way less than it should have been.
"Guess I love sour candies now." He threw one into his mouth and shivered at the sourness.
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