#but I mean there are probably still a million mistakes

[kyunzin]

𝐅𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐦𝐚𝐝 𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲

✰ characters ✰ 𝐘. 𝐄𝐫𝐞𝐧

✰ summary ✰ don’t say things you don’t mean, unless you do mean them. in that case eren can fulfil all your requests (f!reader)

✰ tags/warnings ✰ nsfw, ex!eren, alcohol use, degradation, spanking, daddy kink, cum eating, squirting. praise kink, overstimulation, pussy licking

✰ kyun’s note ✰ it’s been long overdue, two long fics in a row is tough gang dont do this at home. also sorry for any spelling mistakes i am sleep derived

it was definitely a good idea to go out with the girls

it was probably a bad idea to not send eren home with all the drinks you had earlier clouding your judgment

it was absolutely going to hurt in the morning but that is the last thing that's on your mind right now it will be a problem for later

you and eren had gotten together in high school and stayed together for the duration of high school. the both of you being fairly well known though he was more popular than you were.

the both of you had different passions and wanted to peruse different careers. him wanting to play basketball professionally and you didn’t really want to have a boring 9-5 either so you chose to be an influencer.

you both supported each other and both of you became very successful in what you did. eren signing with a good team and you having nearly up to a million followers. you made sure to go to every one of his games and he would be sure to mention you on his socials and even point to you at games.

the two of you even had a child together who both of your fans adored. you had him early in both of your careers and had enough money to support him growing up, the two of you thought that you would be able to live the rest of your lives as a family.

that was until about 4 years later when eren’s schedule became to hectic and he spent more time practicing and being out of the country for games to even be home with you, there was a gradual build up to that which you thought you could get through but in the end you realised it was too much for you and he accepted that.

in the end the both of you decided to spilt apart as is was just too much on you. both of your fan bases were sad to see their favourite couple break apart but you assured them that it was mutual and the two of you ended on good terms, deep down you still loved him but you let him go knowing it was for the better.

eren always made sure to send money to support both him and you even though you told him that he didnt need to send you money as well. he also did regular calls to check in to see how the both of you were doing, and when he was back in the country he made sure to see you if he could spending time with his son and even you.

you know he loved his son from the way he would always get souvenirs from countries when he was out and even got some jerseys from his sons favourite players even if he did pout complaining because he wasn’t his favourite.

this went on for about a year and it worked really well for the three of you, your sons fifth birthday passed with eren doing his all to be there buying him an expensive gift that your son absolutely loved. eren had lately had been spending more time over due to the season, there not being a lot of games and you decided you wanted to go out since it had been a while.

eren has said he would take care of your son while you went out with your friends saying that you deserved the time to have fun. he took your son over to his house so that you could get ready in peace telling you he would keep him for the weekend so you could relax.

once the both of them had left the house you called both sasha and mikasa telling them the plans and they decided to come over to help you get ready. they arrived soon with their things and the three of you started to get ready.

you had your hair and make up done all that was left was your outfit. you had no idea what to wear as it had been a long time since you had gotten dressed up like this, the girls made their way to you closet and started picking through your stuff looking for something for you to wear.

being pregnant had made big changes to you body which left you feeling less than confident after your giving birth but as the years went by some changes left and some stayed. for one your tits and ass filled out as well as you hips getting wider giving you a near hourglass figure.

you were pretty self conscious about your body but everyone around you encouraged you to embrace your new body as they said it made you look sexy and you believed them, looking at yourself differently you loved your new self.

the girls had picked out a dress you don’t even remember buying. a long-sleeve red dress that stopped just under you ass with red cross slits trailing down the side exposing some skin. you paired it with a classic set of black heels and a red bag to match.

the other two were also ready when you had finished getting dressed so you made sure you had everything you needed and sasha drove you to the club blasting music all the way there.

you got into the flub with no problem all of you being over the required age and the three of you went to get drinks to start your night off, weaving your way through the bustling crowd and over to the bar where you all order your first round of drinks keeping you tab open just in case you want to get more.

you and mikasa take a few more shots sasha only having a few being your designated driver for the night not that she really needed any as she would be asked to have just as much fun either way. after you finished your drinks the three of you moved over into the dancing crowd losing yourselves to the music.

you swung your body to the beat of the music sasha in front and mikasa behind you, your as shaking with every sway of your hips. you could tell that many men wanted to join you but you could see both of the girls pushing the away as they know about your lingering feelings for eren.

the song changes and you recognise it as ‘mad at me by sexxy red’ realising that you know the lyrics and you start singing it along with the others in the room, knowing it lyric for lyric shaking your ass to the beat people around you dancing to the music.

when the next line come on you shout it out like there's no tomorrow “fuck me like you mad at me baby, I need a freak to drive me crazy!” and you sing the rest of the song with the same passion until it finishes and you’re out of breath.

the next song plays and you feel all the energy you had from before now depleted and decide to go pay for your last drink of the night leaving sasha and mikasa on the dance floor.

it didn’t take long for you to reach the bar and pay but on your way back to the girls some one stopped you trying to pull you for a dance. but you quickly pushed them away not in the mood walking to your friends even faster.

you get to the girls in record speed in no time though all the remaining energy you had no completed, the girls notice this and decide it’s time for you all to go home.

you drip mikasa home first knowing she has to go to bed for work in the morning. and then sahsa takes you back to your house with you dozing off on the way back. you didn’t even realise that you had faleen asleep until you felt sasha gently shake you awake.

thanking her for the ride home you wish her a safe journey back walking up to your front door, stumbling on the short walk due to the alcohol still flowing in your system. checking the time to see that it was almost past midnight and you know that your son should have gone to bed ages ago feeling bad that you couldn’t tell him goodnight.

when you walk in it takes a while for your eyes to adjust to the light which you were sure you turned off when you left, squinting only to see a figure sitting on the couch. you take off your heels setting them to the side and look up to see the figure still there.

once your eyes get accustomed to the light you realise that’s it’s eren sitting there who has been sitting there staring up at you since you walked in, and you think maybe you’re just hallucinating from the alcohol in your system but upon further inspection you realise that he’s actually there.

“eren? what are you doing here? where’s my baby?”

for a second he doesn’t say anything and just eyes you up but then he speaks up.

“c’mere here baby”

the space between you brows crease at the pet name but you move towards him nonetheless, coming to stand up in from of him looking down at him.

“I dropped him off at my mums place, don’t worry about him for now”

he gently pulls you down to straddle you making your dress ride up a little bit, leaving the two of you face to face. you don’t instantly question his actions but your face conveys your confusion, but instead of saying anything he just sits there rubbing slowly up and down your thighs spread over him.

“what’s going on, is something wrong?”

but instead of answering your question he laughs and pulls out his phone swiping though as if looking for something.

“how about you tell me what this is about first”

you’re confused at first but then once the video starts playing your eyes widen in shock. it’s a video of you in the club singing to “mad at me” shouting the lyrics to the song.

“wanna explain this to me”

he’s still smiling as he says it and you know there's no way to get out of this. there's no possible excuse he would believe after seeing that, which brings up the question of where he got it from.

“who took this video and how do you have it”

he turns off his phone slipping it back into his joggers the action causing you to shift in too of him, your hands coming to rest on his shoulders as to not fall off him.

“it was posted online and someone sent it to me, and don't try change the subject. what’s this about you wanting to fuck. if you wanted some dick all you had to do was say so princess. you know i never say no to you baby”

in truth it had been a while since you were active, though it was mainly because of your lack of time due to taking care of you son as well as working.

part of it had to do with the fact that no dock would be able to compare to eren's. the way he would fuck you was to good for you to ever try it with anyone else.

you had kind of missed this intimate part of your relationship, you knew eren wasn’t the type of guy to sleep around and you are sure if he did you would have found out by now and you didn’t want to seem to desperate by asking him about his life without you as you respected his privacy as he did yours.

“why you silent for pretty, aint got nothing to say or did you really mean what you said. what was it again, you wanted me to fuck you like I was mad at you cause I can do that baby if it’s what you want, do you want that?”

as you contemplate your answer you notice his hands don’t stop but smile drops a serious look falls over his face. he probably knows that your drunk and no os giving you a way out of this.

knowing him if you said no he would step back and act as if it didn’t happen. the thing is that you do want this to happen, maybe it’s the alcohol or the fact that you’re just really pent up and horny but you don’t see a reason to decline his offer.

you nod your head to agree but he doesn’t seem satisfied with that hands stopping to grip at your thighs squeezing them lightly.

“no princess, I need words. you say yes we continue. say no and I’ll take you to bed and go back home, answer me properly”

knowing this is your last chance to back out you appreciate his efforts in order to confirm your consent and it just gives you even more reason to say yes, knowing that he’s being respectful even though he couldn’t have done what he wanted knowing you have no way of defending yourself in this state.

“yes eren, I want this. I want you. fuck me please, i need you“

you hardly have time to register what’s happening before he’s lifting you up and making his way to your old shared bedroom. you wrap you legs around his firm torso and cling onto him tighter, even though you know that there no way he will drop you.

“only since you asked me so nicely, I’ll give you what you need don’t worry baby”

the two of you reach the bed room in record speed and eren gently sets you down on the edge of the bed kneeling down in front of you both of his hands still on the side of your thighs looking up at you with a mischievous grin.

his mouth latches onto you barely clothed sex sucking on your clit in a way that has you gasping out in ecstasy. it’s no lie to say that eren knows every inch of your body inside and out. he knows all the things that make you squirm and scream. where to touch and lick as well as h to e spots indie you that make your arch into his touch.

he moves on from sucking on your clit like a mad man thirsting for water and moves down to you dripping whole, sinking his tongue into your tight heat that hadn’t had any attention for a while. not that there weren’t a few visits from your bullet vibrator it just couldn’t make you cum the way you did when eren would fuck you.

“fuck, she really missed me didn’t she ma?”

the way he’s talking to your pussy has you rolling your eyes, but they then roll for a different reason as he adds one finger teasing his way inside of you alongside his hot tongue. “oh fuck, ‘ren don’t stop please” your hand reaches for his head gripping his hair causing it to fall loose as you pull his face further into your cunt.

both his tongue and fingers pistoling into you at a harsh pace so he not surprised when you end up cumming into his mouth as he starts to suck on your clit. he doesn’t stop scissoring his fingers inside you until you stop cumming and your moans die out, though your legs still tremble slightly due to the force of your orgasm.

“we aint done yet princess, you said you wanted to be fucked right and that’s what you’ll get. flip over”

you may be a bit drunk but that doesn’t stop you from turning over at the speed of light making you a bit lightheaded but you do regret it as you miss when eren pulls of his top and steps out his trousers and boxers, kneeling back behind you slapping his cock against your ass cheeks.

“you ready for me baby?”

he watches as you nod your head eagerly and lines his cock up with your pussy sliding in with predicted ease, filling out all the way to the hilt. both of you let out moans of pleasure “fuck- I missed you” you’re not sure if he’s talking to you or your pussy but you’re to full and stretched out to care. it would be an understatement to say that you also missed the fill of his cock. it was more like the longer you were apart the more you craved to feel him.

he was feeling sympathetic knowing that it had been a while since you had fuck him, or anyone for that matter, but when you start to rock back into him letting out small mewls of pleasure he decides not to hold back. “such a desperate whore, you cant wait to fuck yourself on my cock huh?” his words are accompanied by a hard slap to your ass causing your movements to stagger with a loud moan of “f-fuck, you’re taking too long”

he lets you move as you please for a few more moments before growing impatient and gripping your waist slamming his hips into yours. “d-daddy- fuckk!” you cant see it but you can hear the smirk as he says “you like it when daddy fucks you like this don’t you?” as he sends another harsh thrust you way, rocking the bed with the force of his thrust.

he continues with his timely thrust with the occasional slap to your ass, oscillating between that or squeezing it in both hands and playing with the fat. he can feel the way you clam down on him when he does that, knowing your body inside and out plays well in is favour, not so much in yours.

he spares no energy with is thrusts as he knows you like it when he's rough with you, fucking you into the soft sheets wit vigour, deep strokes hitting your cervix every time, the tip brushing against your sweet spot on every quick roll of his hips.

he's not surprised when he begins to hear your familiar slurred pleas of " daddy please. 's too much. slow down" to which he does the opposite and uses one and to steady your waist and the other one to hold your neck keeping your back arced "remember, you asked for this princess," your unable to move, sheets bunched up in your hands, hips held high by him, face pressed into the bed.

"made it loud and clear waat you wanted and now im giving it to you"

the slick sounds of sex circulate the room, your nonsensical moans bouncing off the walls in the room along with his skin slapping against yours as he hammers is cock into your dripping pussy. "since you asked for it m sure you can take it like a good girl cant you? noting you havent done before"

you can feel is cock start to pulse inside you and you know that he's close , and you're on the verge of release, with the way eren's pounding into you you doubt you'll be able to last much longer as well as the fact that its been ages since your last fuck, which was eren.

"next time you want something, just fucking ask"

the last three words of his sentence are each punctuated with a harsh trust, sending you over the edge as you begin to squirt all over is cock and onto the sheets below you. he can feel the way your pussy spasms around is cock as he fucks you through your orgasm, slowing down to ease you through it.

"that's it cum on daddy's cock, its all fucking yours baby, nobody can have me but you"

its only a couple more languid trusts until he's spilling is hot seed inside you with a groan of your name on his lips, hips stuttering as his grip tightens enough in a way you're sure will leave marks in the morning, body doubling over your trembling frame while he locks his hips with yours, emptying is tick load deep into your pussy.

only wen he's sure that there's no more does e finally pull out of your near limp body and gently rolls you over onto your back. peppering kisses down your torso till he settles between your legs were he begins to suck the cum out of you, causing your legs to clam around is head.

"nononono- fuck. i cant, s too much no more."

he's relentless not stopping even as your and tug at his air, pushing is tongue deep into your pussy and licking your mixed juices out of you. "just one more baby, i know you can give it to me" he's not wrong as only a second after he presses his thumb to your clit, you're cumming for the third time that evening shaking in is hold.

after tat e makes sure to clean you out as best as he can, dressing you into comfortable clothes. after cleaning himself he carries you to the guest bedroom and tucks you in deciding to leave until you reach out to him pulling him back.

he ends up wit is arms wrapped around you and your head tucked underneath is, drifting into a deep sleep. you're sure that in the morning the two of you will have a lot of things to talk about.

𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 - 𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐈𝐓𝐀𝐍

[peachesofteal]

Dead Disco / Chapter 13

Dead Disco masterlist

Ghost/Soap/female reader 2.2k words - AO3 Warnings-tags: 18+ brief sexual content. This fic contains mature themes. Simon POV. Established throuple, relationship issues, fighting. Feelings of anxiety, despair. Crying. Johnny comes home

The holster is snug.

Simon pats it affectionately, swallowing roaring nausea, trying to stay limber on his feet.

He’s fine. He’s probably just at the gym, or the down the street. He’s a big boy, he can take care of himself, he's working himself up for nothing. 

He sends another text, just in case.

>Getting worried now. Where are you? 

It’s not like him, not responding. Not like him to vanish when he said he was staying in, not like him to not text with an update about where he’s going and how long he’ll be.

He knows Simon. Knows he he’ll get twisted up, get caught up in a vicious cycle of memory and fear, knows he’ll be worried.

Doesn’t he know? 

It’s not like him.

What if he’s hurt? What if someone snatched him, drugged him, loaded him into a box somewhere? What if someone is hurting him right now, and he’s scared, while all Simon is doing is pacing around in this godforsaken flat that’s too big for him to be comfortable in alone, what if he’s de-

A key clicks in the lock.

Simon is on his feet and in the hall before the door gets a chance to fully open.

He can hear his pulse, the hammer inside his skull, ticking away like a bomb, a new brand of fear: sickly and infectious, spreads from his heart, leeching into his body.

Johnny is crying.

“What’s wrong?” Simon keeps him at arm’s length for inspection, like he's looking him over in tac gear, triple checking his plates, his straps, his safety pieces. “Are you hurt? What’s happened?” Johnny doesn’t speak, raw, serrated breaths coming in and out too quickly, and Simon holds him steady, firm grip on his shoulders. “Johnny, love. Look at me.”

Control this. Contain it. Fix it. 

“I-m- I-“ The words are stilted, too thick, getting caught in Johnny’s throat, and Simon repeats himself, switching gears, shifting. His tone is stronger, unaffected. Battle tested.

“Are you hurt?” It straightens Johnny. Snaps him to attention, and he blinks, still the beautiful, sweet boy with tears in his eyes, looking up in Simon’s face, wracked with despair.

“No. No, ‘m, not hurt, Si. Not hurt.”

Not hurt. But not okay. 

He can save that for another moment. Another day if he has to. He’s okay. He came back. He’s here. 

Johnny’s eyes dive a deeper shade of blue when he cries. They become shards of stained glass, a sea blue that holds a million miles worth of passion, of feeling, of love.

Their mouths touch. Seeking, hesitant longing, desperately trying to connect, and Simon jerks away, cradling his face, holding him still.

It’s dread that fills Simon now. Dread and fear, snaking together to form a hydra that never sleeps, never dies. You cut off one head, another two emerge, and he cannot control them. Cannot tamp them down.

“What’s happened, love? What’s wrong?”

“Si, I… I made a mistake.” Simon closes his eyes.

“What did you do?” It’s not a question, it’s a demand.

Confess your sins and be forgiven. 

“I went to see her.”

It’s worse than what he was expecting. Far worse.

He splits in two.

“You what?” The words sound far less devastated than he feels. “You… what?”

“I went, I know I wasnae supposed to, but I had to see her.” Simon steps away. He releases his partner, the man he loves, and looks at him through the eyes of a stranger. “I havnae been sleepin’ I cannae eat, or focus, and I know ye’ve been havin’ an easier time-“

“Stop.” An easier time? Is he really that blind? “You think this has been easy for me?”

“N-no, I didnae mean-“

“You think I’m alright, when our girl…” He bites his tongue.

Control.

“I’m not having an easier time, Johnny.”

“I made a mistake.” He whispers to the floor, and sympathy, love, cracks Simon’s heart, just a little. He’s been having such a rough go, Simon knows. Struggling. Depressed. And nothing can fix it, not Simon or anything else in this world except… you.

He reaches, but Johnny steps out of his grasp, eyes wide.

“I… I made a mistake, Si.”

“I know, but it’s okay, we can-“

“We had sex.”

Everything changes. The floor disappears beneath his feet. His knees go weak, watery, and he steps away. A chainsaw tears through his diaphragm, blood and guts dropping to the floor.

“You what?” 

“I didnae plan to, it just… it just happened.” Simon closes his eyes. He struggles for air, a thousand pounds sat on his chest. “She was cryin’ and then we just… we lost control. I didnae even realize what was happening at first, and then she asked me to kiss her and I couldnae say no, Si. Ye know I… it just-“

“Stop.”

“She needed me, needs us, wanted to, and I-“

“STOP!” He shouts, and Johnny jerks back, eyes wide.

“Simon.” He reaches, but it’s too late. Simon is already stepping out of reach. An ocean of despair, sadness, rage tosses him in a turbulent wave, knocking him side to side, stealing his breath. Agony wails between his ears.

“Don’t touch me right now.” How could he do this? Betray you like this? When you’re vulnerable? 

He knows why. His next words are a poison barb, aimed straight at the heart of the man he loves.

“You’re weak.”

“Si.” Johnny’s voice cracks, face soaked with tears. He calls his name again and again, but Simon hears nothing, broken vibrato bouncing off his back as he turns away, locking himself in the bedroom.

“So, you want to do this. For real.” You’re so skeptical. Still. A battle never won but fought every day. You chew on your lip, hesitance heavy in your eyes. “With me.” 

“Aye, darling. With ye.” Johnny sucks a mark into your neck, hands roaming across your chest. You wriggle between them, uneasily laughing, huffing and pushing at him, still overstimulated and coming down from too many orgasms to count. They pushed you to the limit tonight, twisted you between them and bent you under their bodies, filled you at the same time. He can still feel the clench of your cunt around his cock, your warmth engulfing him, setting him aflame. “Is it so hard to believe?” 

“Yes.” Your answer is immediate, and Johnny rolls his eyes. You glance at Simon. 

He wants to rip away all your layers. Burrow between your heart and ribs. Remake you in an image of love, help you feel confident in their affection, their near obsession with you. 

“We know it will take time.” He murmurs, stroking a hand across the back of your neck when you push up onto your elbows. “We know this is a lot, and it won’t be easy, but we can make it work. If you give us a chance.” Tears line your lashes. You try to look away, but he holds you steady, refusing to let you hide.

“I’m scared.” You whisper. 

“I know.”

He thinks about calling you. What’s a phone call, in the face of such a boundary broken already? He wonders for a moment, if you’re okay, before his stomach tightens, realizing that Johnny left you there, alone.

Did you tell him to leave? Did he run home afterwards, worried? Did he hold you, make sure you’re okay, kiss you and tell you how much they love you?

He aches for violence. Wants to destroy this room, it’s walls, this place they tried to build around you.

The bed is too big now. The flat is empty. He feels the hollowness left in your wake everywhere, in the bathroom, missing your shampoo and toothbrush, the closet, lacking most of your clothes. The comforter has been replaced with a tired bedsheet and a blanket from the couch, a quarter of the pillows that are usually piled in the middle, missing.

It’s not his home. Not without you.

He eyes his phone.

He shouldn’t. 

Why is he being punished, for doing the right thing? For listening to you, when you begged them to understand this is what you needed. Why is he the one in hell, when Johnny gets to drink his fill? 

He doesn’t understand. How could he have gotten this so wrong? 

Is this what you wanted all along? For them to come, pluck you from your escape back into their arms? 

He looks at his phone again. The black screen taunts him, begs him, tells him it’s alright. It will be okay if he does it. If he breaks.

What kind of man is he, if he can’t respect what you need? 

Johnny knocks on the door.

“Ye cannae shut me out.” It’s reminiscent of not too long ago, when Simon was on the other side of a different door, begging to see your face, dying to hear your voice.

“Johnny.” He croaks. His own cheeks are wet now, tears dripping down his jaw to his shirt.

“Simon, please.”

“I can’t see you right now.”

“I cannae let ye-“

“If you love me,” He raises his voice, not quite a shout, but something awful instead, a low pitch of anger. “You’ll leave me alone.” He can’t even look at him right now, can’t understand why he did this. Why he acted so callously, so selfishly. Simon hates himself, for thinking it, for allowing this anger to fester but he can’t feel anything else when he thinks about his sweet boy on the other side of that door, crying out for him. He’s so angry. He reaches for his phone. The impulse is too strong, the pain and want and the fear of not knowing if you’re okay eating away at him until he’s tapping your contact open.

The phone rings three times. On the fourth, the line clicks open, and he holds his breath.

“Simon?” You’re crying. It’s in your voice, thick with it, trembling across the connection with an intensity that could crack the earth.

“Darling.”

“It’s not ideal-“ 

“Not ideal? It’s… it’s about to be Christmas.” You take a ragged breath, and Simon’s heart aches. “You just got home.” 

“Ah know love, but we cannae control when we’re needed. Ye know this.” 

“We’ll try to be home before Christmas.” He has to stem this bleeding somehow, patch this wound. He wants to take you in his arms, bury his face in your hair and promise you a million things he knows he can’t. 

“It’s fine.” It’s not. And neither are you. But you’re shoving it away, pushing it down where it will stay buried, building and building inside you like a storm, a wild thing that will drive you to the brink. 

“Darling.” He tries to grab you, hold onto you, make you stay near him, where he can hold you, where he can try to fix it. 

It’s not fair. None of it is. And never will be. Not for you. 

“I’m fine.” 

“We don’t want to be away from you, you know that.” You focus on the dishwasher, but your hands tremble, small tremors that signify an earthquake on the horizon. 

“I know. It’s fine.” 

“Darling.” You ignore him, focusing on the silverware draw, tugging on the handle. “Darling, please.” 

Johnny flinches when it crashes to the floor. There’s agony in your face, pain and disappointment, and he hates himself for it, hates this job, hates this life they brought you into. 

You break with a sob. 

“Fuck! Fff-fuck. I’m so-sorry.” You try to turn away, to run, but he meets you, pulling you into his chest, reaching for the back of your neck with a steady hand. You’re crying so hard he’s worried you can’t breathe. 

“It’s alright. You’re alright. We’re here.” For now. We’re here for now. He can’t give you much more, even though he’d give you both the world. You and Johnny, tucked away in secret, forever his. To hold. To love. “It’s okay, darling.” You cry and cry, sobs shaking your shoulders. 

It’s not going to end on its own. And why should it? They’re the ones who do this to you. They are the ones who have to fix it. 

Control it. 

“Bedroom lights.” He directs Johnny with a glance. 

“Rog.”

“The mess.” You whimper, and he shakes his head, still holding you firmly.

“We’ll clean it up later, darling. Let’s take care of you first.”

“I’m sorry… I’m sorry I’m calling.” He’s spiraling. Unmoored. Uncontrolled.

“It’s… it’s okay.” You stifle a sob, and he wants to rip his hair from his roots.

“Are you okay? That’s all…” He pulls away from the phone to take a short breath, trying to breathe through his nose. “That’s all I needed to know, if you’re okay.”

“I’m…” You go quiet, and he doesn’t push. Doesn’t want to. He goes at your pace, letting you control everything now, just as he has been for this last month. “I’m not okay.”

His heart freezes in his chest.

“Did you call your therapist?”

“No.” You cry, and he pinches his brow.

“What do you need?” The pattern on the carpet is a dizzying spiral, swirls of brown and tan spinning around him, drawing him down until he’s sitting with his back against the bed. When you don’t speak, he tries, just a little, to pull it from you. “Tell me darling.”

Y-you. I need… you.”

[fortunelowtier]

Ok so for those who didn't see the news, recently 5 rich people went “””missing””” (they're totally fucking dead) in a “Titanic tourist submarine”, basically made as a way rich people can tour (what's left of) the Titanic's wreckage for a small fee of $250,000 per person.

Anyways, setting aside the horrific implications of dying in a submarine at  13,000 feet (~4km) below sea level, the more I learn about this entire situation the more I become morbidly...amused??

so for starters, the submarine was literally the submarine from Iron Lung. its a metal cylinder with one singular porthole at the front of the vessel that is bolted shut from the outside, and has no seats, its literally just a cylinder

the second thing you need to know is that this thing was wireless, as in it was being controlled from the surface and the people inside had no control, which is concerning in multiple ways because a ship this scuffed should have a safety cable leading to the “mothership” (basically if you've ever watched ocean documentaries and they always have that long cable attached to the sub, that's for in case the wireless control fucks up and they need it to be wired)

what makes this little fact so much more morbidly funny is that this thing was controlled using the remains of a Logitech Gamepad controller from ~2004/2005, a controller notorious for being one of the most clunky pieces of gaming equipment ever designed. so clunky in fact that few people even recognized it, originally mistaking it to be a combination of an Xbox 360 and a PS1 controller. estimated price of $30.

“but Fortune” I hear a very few of you asking, “it shouldn't matter what its controlled with, as long as the connection is good”

and to that my dear reader you would be correct! there are indeed submarines out there controlled with even simple joysticks, and using game controllers to control stuff like this isn't new (why do you think army recruiters prey on low GPA high school gamers to fly drones)

no you see the issue comes when you realize that what this sub was using to transmit controls. was fucking. STARLINK.

Yes, that's correct, Starlink, the service that can barely do its job on land was being used to transmit data through 2.5 miles (4km) of water, at a depth where anything that isn't highly pressurized is crushed instantly 

-----

And at the end of this, if some of you still feel bad for the rich people who spent a quarter of a million dollars to get bolted into a metal cylinder with no seats and a singular porthole that was being controlled by Elon Musk's barely functioning wireless service and one of the most notoriously clunky gaming controllers of all time that was probably bought from a thrift store, just know that it was most likely over quick. 

The likely thing that ended up happening was cabin depressurization, and at such a depth this means they were knocked unconscious by the rapid loss of pressure in the vessel almost instantly, and then shortly thereafter crushed by the weight of the ocean around them. 

Scientifically speaking, they were likely dead so fast that the brain likely couldn't even comprehend what was happening, the most they would've felt is a little pop in their ears for a fraction of a second.

[if-loves]

BORN TO LOVE YOU

// Michael Kaiser

sum: it’s been a month since kaiser let you slip away from him. he thinks he knows what it feels like to lose everything.

wc: 1080

warnings: probably OOC kaiser idk it’s my first time writing him, kaiser backstory & manga spoilers

a/n: sorry if this is a mess i just had to get exes to lovers with kaiser out of my head xd

likes & reblogs are appreciated :)

When Michael Kaiser was born, he had nothing. Not a family, not care, and most certainly not love. Michael Kaiser was born a mistake, and lived most of his life that way.

Everything changed when he was fifteen, when his life turned around and all of a sudden he meant something. All of a sudden he had a reason to care, a reason to continue living. No longer was he the mistake of a child that neither of his parents wanted, no longer was he a thief that had to steal to survive; he is Michael Kaiser, a member of the New Generation World XI, signed to Bastard Munchen with millions to his name.

He met you at twenty-one, a university student studying in one of the universities in the city, at some coffee shop he can’t seem to remember. He remembers the bored look on your face as you took his order at the register, and the way you didn’t even react when he said his name. If Kaiser was being honest, he was a little offended - but he also thought you were pretty even with your bored appearance.

He didn’t know that that fateful encounter would lead to perhaps the most meaningful years of his life.

Kaiser is not good with love. He was never given even a sliver of it, and he has never been in a relationship long enough to know what it feels like beyond the shallow like. Models and actresses alike all flock to him no doubt as a means of increasing their fame, and he could care less. It was fun to toy with them, and throw them aside when he got tired of them. They were all the same.

You, however, brought him down to earth; you showed him what it was like to be human. You showed him what it meant to enjoy the little things in life, to take a step back and relax for a moment, to enjoy the silence. If he knows how to appreciate the simple pleasures of life, it’s because of you.

Two years with you was more than enough time to get him addicted to the drug that is you. He’s not a passive person by any means, and he’s the kind of person to speak freely of his thoughts no matter the opinions of the people around him - yet he finds himself unsure of what to say when he’s with you. He finds himself wondering if he should say something, if he’ll offend you with his blunt words. So he softens himself the best he can, he tries to be gentler and kinder in his words and actions, all in an effort to keep you.

Yet, you still manage to slip through his fingers, until all he's left with are the bittersweet memories of you.

Kaiser doesn’t enjoy admitting he’s miserable. All that runs through his head are thoughts of you, how you’re doing, what you’re doing, where you could be. He yearns to feel your skin against his again, to hold you at night and let your breathing lull him to sleep, he yearns to hold your hand as you walk down the street, he yearns for you. You, who is just barely within reach, but the one thing he’ll never be able to reach.

Kaiser doesn’t cry. Kaiser gets angry, he gets frustrated, but he doesn’t cry. But when he thinks about you, and what was and what could’ve been, he can’t help when his face grows wet and the cascade of tears don’t stop. He waits for a moment, before he laughs bitterly, remembering that you’re not there anymore, and he’s back to wiping his own tears like all those years ago.

A month passes by, and you’ve never contacted him. His heart hurts in a way he’s never felt before. Maybe it’s an act of desperation, or maybe he’s drowning in his sorrows, but he finds himself at your apartment in the middle of the day looking and feeling like a wreck.

“I’m sorry.” The words slip out of his mouth on instinct. He’s not the kind of person to apologize, but if it’s for you, he’ll do it without hesitation.

You let him in and he almost feels like he’s breathing fresh air again. Your apartment is a familiar sight, and he remembers every inch of it like the back of his hand. The only things missing are the frames of you and him.

“I’m sorry.” He all but whispers when you sit down on your couch, his voice rough and raw. “I love you.”

“Michael…” Your voice, liquid gold to his ears, calls his name so tenderly he might just break down on the spot.

“I can’t live without you. I don’t know how to anymore. I’ll never love anyone as much as I love you, and I’ll never stop loving you. You… You’re my life. You taught me how to live, you taught me how to be human. If I know love, it’s because of you. How can I love another person while knowing you’re the only one for me?” Michael Kaiser has never begged. But for you, he’ll grovel a thousand times over and then some. His voice cracks and he wants nothing more than for you to love him again. “I… I know it’s selfish that I need you. You deserve better. I’m sorry that this is all I am, but I can’t let go of you.”

“Michael, please don’t say that.” Your voice is firm as you take his hands in yours and he swears he feels electricity shoot down his spine. “You are more than enough the way that you are, please never think otherwise. You’re the Michael Kaiser, any person would be lucky to have such a wonderful man by their side.”

He doesn’t realize he’s crying, not until you wipe away his tears with your thumb.

When you embrace him gently, lovingly, he completely breaks. The tears don’t stop and he can’t help his sniffling. He’s afraid to speak, to hear what may leave his fragile heart, but he’s never felt so warm, so loved. Is this what home feels like?

“I was born to love you.” He finally manages to whisper, buried in the comfort of your neck with your arms wrapped around him, his wrapped around you. Your hands tenderly stroke his hair, and he feels himself being lulled to sleep.

“We were born for each other, my love.”

[tteokdoroki]

*ੈ🌩️‧₊˚— skeletons + sae itoshi.

૮˶ᵕ ༝ᵕ˶ა synopsis — sae doesn’t realise how much being away from home affects him, until he hears your voice again.

⭑ warnings — please read + mdni ! characters aged up to 20s, angst, hurt no comfort, long-distance, established relationship, mentions of mental health, pro player!sae, fem!reader - not beta read !

⭑ words — 2K.

⭑ notes — hi beautiful babies!! this is the first of a few fics i have queued for my week away. i wrote this a while ago and it’s based off of skeletons by keshi !! hope you like <3 - m.list ✩

in all honesty, sae itoshi doesn’t expect you to pick up. it’s way too late for you, just breaching the early house of the next morning in japan. there’s a seven hour difference between madrid and tokyo, sae knows because he’s looked it up a million times before anticipating a call or text from you. and right now, you’re probably sleeping, you’re supposed to have been sleeping.

but alas, your phone rings and you pick up on the third— voice groggy over the comforting crackle of static on the line. “h…hello?”  

for a moment, the older itoshi brother listens to you and your natural ambience. he notes your deep breathing, still recovering from the depths of sleep, and the slight whines you let out with your yawns as you stretch your stiff muscles. maybe it’s weird, but sae misses all of your sounds, he misses waking up next to them— curling his arm around your waist on nights you’d snuck over to his childhood home just to see him. 

“is anyone there?”

snapping out of it, sae clears his throat— fixing his voice as it sits hoarse in its base before he speaks. “it’s me, love.” 

“sae!” shifting from the sheets tells sae that you’re more awake now— alerted by the symphony of his voice over the shitty landline. “shouldn’t you be asleep by now?”

“could say the same for you, it’s four am over there.” he knows that he’s wrong, you’re seven hours ahead and it’s only ten pm for him — meaning it’ll be closer to five am where you are and sae itoshi is never wrong. he was born with impressive gut instinct and a quick mind but this time he’s wrong on purpose. he makes a mistake because he wants to stall for time, keep you talking a little longer and hear your voice for a few minutes more…because maybe that’ll keep the demons away.

keep his head floating above the water he seems to have fallen in. 

sae is drowning in his dreams, and if he reaches out he can’t touch them— to him, the greatest of all time…they’re unattainable.

“five actually, and my alarm is meant to go off soon. i thought you were it and then i saw your contact…” you manage to say through a yawn, rubbing your eye’s unbeknownst to your boyfriend since he’s halfway across the globe. if he could see, if he was there—he’d probably call you cute, wipe your eyes for you and force you back down to sleep. but he’s not here and he can’t see because there’s a distance between you that can only be fixed by grainy face times on your cells.

“i wanted to call.” the midfielder clarifies, cutting you off sharply but his words coat the inside of his mouth like cotton, as if they’re hard to say — melting over the line like rice paper on his tongue. 

“okay,” breathing slow, you hug your knees to your chest and let your silence tangle with the crackling static. “you don’t usually call first.” 

“i needed to hear your voice.” 

“i��m here. i miss you. do you want to switch to facetime?” sae has half a mind to tell you no. if you switch now, you’d worry— you’d see how hollow he’s become, how sleep deprivation eats at the pink tinge to his flesh and clings to the undersides of his dulling aquamarine eyes. you might think that he’s dying and perhaps he is. the pro player feels like he is. every day is harder, his bones feel heavier and his muscles weaker — he needs medicine. he needs you. 

you’re the only drug sae would ever inject into his veins— your smile, your laugh, your heart. they make him better, make him feel alive. so he relents, “gimme a sec, i’ll call you.” he grunts and taps the button to video-call, waiting for you to pick up again.

“there you are, handsome. tell me about your day.” blue light from the early  morning filters over your skin— the footage of the FaceTime call is grainy, probably because it’s still a little bit dark outside for you but you’re beautiful. to sae you’ve always been beautiful. 

the elder itoshi brother makes a small effort to smile at your compliment, the expression blooming on his cheeks which you mirror, happy to see him — he misses you too. “i don’t wanna talk about it. you do the talking. i just want to listen to you.” 

“alright well… i worked today— yesterday. sorry! timezones,” you miss the way sae winces at the mention of your time difference, the invisible divide between you both, as you settle back into your bed to admire him. “my shift sort of sucked, you know how it goes.” your boyfriend listens to you intently, makes faces at the complaints you make about customers, clients and coworkers alike. 

sometimes, the midfielder doesn’t understand you how you devote your life’s work, your beauty and intelligence to an industry that chews you up, spits you out like dirt and drives you to the edge of falling to pieces. sae doesn’t doubt you, he knows that you’re talented and wishes you saw the same value in yourself that he did. 

you deserve better. so much better.

perhaps he’s the same as you, working for someone else until he breaks and he’s better than everyone else— all in the name of becoming the best in the world.

“you hate your job. quit. i earn enough money to take care of you.” 

“and you hate yours. but you won’t come home where i can take care of you.” 

sae rolls his eyes at your quip because of how easy it is for you to read him despite the way he hides his emotions behind a clay mask. he’s always been like that, but he feels the need to tuck away the uglier parts from him even more of late— even if you’ve seen it all before. the late nights where he’s feeling sad and goes to bed, sae wakes up feeling even worse. especially without you but even now with your face on a screen, beaming at him the same way you have all your life— he doesn’t feel any better.

you’re meant to be his solace. 

quickly changing the subject, sae nods his head as if to push you in a different conversational direction. “tell me about what you did after work.” 

you hesitate, peering into his ocean eyes for a split second. “i went to see rin at blue lock. he’s…he’s doing really well, you know. you should come see him sometime. you’d be proud of how far he’s come since we were little.” 

it’s not that he doesn’t care about his younger brother, but the relationship between rin and sae itoshi is probably long past any attempts at repair. you’ve been stuck in the middle for as long as you’ve known them— pulling them close despite the boys repelling each other like polar magnets. 

you were the glue when they were kids, keeping the three of you together and to this day you still tried to manage the gap between the two brothers, despite their disputes. their differences.“can we please not talk about that half-ass piece of—“ you glare over the phone from across the globe and sae silences himself, pursing his lips to avoid scrutiny from the love of his life. you.

“you know, you never told me what happened when you first came home from Spain.” you blurt after a moment's quiet. “but i think i’ve always sorta known.”

“yeah?” the magenta haired midfielder challenges, brushing a hand over his tired face.

“yeah…” nodding subtly, you shift and roll onto your side— a solemn expression dancing across your features. “you changed. you hurt him, sae, real bad. rin changed too.” you say hoarsely, as if the words you’ve uttered burn at the insides of your throat like bitter liquor. “you’ve not shown that same fate to me, you know better than to lash out at me. but you’re different. you don’t smile anymore. not with your eyes like you used to — i miss that.” i miss you. is what you really want to say. not just physically, but emotionally. you want your boyfriend back, not the empty shell of skin and bones you have now.  

even sae picks up on the hidden meaning behind your words— he doesn’t smile at you like he used to.

for once the eldest itoshi decides to be honest with you. he thinks to tell you how stressed out he is, how he’s scared his plan for this soccer thing might not even work out. he decides to be honest  in words that he knows best and not all the details because he doesn’t want you to break over him. 

“talk to me, itoshi.” you cut through his thoughts like a knife through butter.

“i’m afraid of myself, and i hate it.” 

“then come home, sae.” it’s a nice offer, a tempting bribe. to be home with you when sae knows that would be the closest thing to giving up. he knew you wouldn’t get it. you wouldn’t understand how much soccer meant to him but you can’t be blamed for that. the thing you love most in the world isn’t your career— it’s him. “come home and be with me.” 

your wish would be as selfish as his — you don’t want him to give up soccer for you and he doesn’t want to leave soccer to feel better with you like he knows he would. 

“i need to make it to the end of the season — i have to.” 

“sae, you’re tired. you look like a ghost.” 

“i don’t even know if i’m going to make it.” he snaps, desperate and pleading with you not to make this more difficult than it already is. “but if i don’t try. then all of this will be for nothing. my goals have changed, but i worked hard for this and i will get what i want.” he spits out as if there’s acid on his tongue, burning through the little solace of love you’ve tried to wrap him up in. sae runs a hand through his silken locks, sighing as he briefly looks away from your crumpled face on the screen. “so stop asking me to come home for you because i won’t. it’s not worth it. you’re not worth it.”

you gasp, tears flooding your eyes. you know he doesn’t mean it, or maybe he does — it’s been difficult to read sae recently, he’s slipping from your grasp like sand between your fingers and you just have to let him. another beat of silence echoes between you both — but neither of you make the effort to speak. sae doesn’t correct himself and you don’t force your hand to make him apologise.

you care enough for him not to make him fight— to make sae choose his own battles. you’d never ask him to pick soccer over you, because you know what his answer would be regardless… but that doesn’t mean it hurts you any less to watch him destroy himself for it and to lose the boy you grew up loving to a sport you may never understand.

though, that doesn’t stop you from lashing out and bearing  your own fangs either — if he was going to throw salt in your wounds, you could do that too.

“i have to go, itoshi. get some rest, you look like shit, but you that’s what you want, right? it’s worth it to you.”  

you hang up before he can say a word and sae can’t bring himself to message and apologise. because he knows that you’re right, you’re telling him to pick soccer because he can’t make that choice for himself. 

sae itoshi is a pro player now. he’s gotten what he’s always wanted — he’s achieving his dreams as the corpse of the man he once was. the one who loved you proper.

but that doesn’t matter anymore, whatever his team wants out of him they get. 

since his skeleton’s out for the taking. 

[hellisharchive]

・﹒・ saintly guardian

Summary: Your life could be better, but you were alive, that's all that mattered. After an extremely shitty day, you were shocked as an angel appeared in your livingroom claiming to be your new guardian angel from Heaven. At least he was cute

Warnings: 18+, implied sex, accidental voyeurism

Paring: Saint Peter x human!GN!reader

Notes: This is a long one! Hope you enjoy! Also my shit is never beta read so forgive any mistakes

You sighed loudly as you collapsed on your couch, so glad to finally be home after one of the worst days you've had in a while. Digging into your food, you browsed Netflix trying to find something good to watch so you could just sit back, eat, and relax. Even though you had an entire watchlist, nothing seemed appealing as you just threw on a movie you already watched ages ago just to have something on.

After finishing your food, you walked into the kitchen that was just a few steps away as your apartment was a studio, you put the dishes in the sink to clean later and refilled your drink. As you poured the liquid into the cup, a bright light suddenly engulfed you, causing you to flinch and get your drink all over the counter and floor. Covering your eyes, you gripped the glass as you wondered what the hell was that? After a few seconds, you deemed it to be safe and slowly removed one hand and opened your eye. Turning around, you gasped as you saw what looked to be an angel with white blonde hair and a worried expression looking at you. You couldn't believe your eyes.

"I'm sorry if I scared you! I didn't mean to are you ok?" The last sentence was rushed as he panicked, quickly walking over and making sure you're alright as he gently grabbed your shoulders. What was going on? Removing your other hand and opening your other eye, you just stared in shock and awe. You were nervous, very nervous. Were you dreaming? Did you die somehow? Your breathing got heavy as your mind raced with a million different possibilities when the angel cupped your face and spoke to you again, making sure you were looking at him.

"Hey, hey don't be scared! Oh Peter it's your first day as a guardian angel and you already scared your human..." He spoke to himself, very scared himself that he scared you. Wait- guardian angel?

"You're my...guardian angel?" You stared at him in even more shock. Angels are real. Guardian angels are real. And he was yours. Who even was he? You placed your hands on his shoulders as he smiled, it was a soft and awkward smile.

"Yes! Angels are sent down to Earth to watch over humans every so often to make sure they're on a path set for Heaven! You just so happened to be my assignment this time!" His mood instantly switched to happy and excited to talk about why he was sent down. You still were in a state of shock, slowly calming down from the inital scare as he removed his hands from your face and grabbed yours from his shoulders, holding them. The hold was firm yet gentle.

"And if this isn't all some dream...what is your name? Can I know the name of my guardian angel?" You spoke carefully, almost as if speaking any louder would fracture this whole interaction and you would wake up passed out on the couch. He then let your hands go and you started to mess with your fingers, biting your lip as you waited for his answer.

"Saint Peter" Saint Peter...that name was familiar. Wait- was this the same Saint Peter from the bible? You were familiar with Christianity but wasn't a believer, however you still couldn't fully believe depsite an angel straight up holding you.

"Oh well...my name is ___. Although, you probably knew that" You cracked a small smile yourself, the tension finally snapping and you started to accept the fact that this was real. There was no way you were tripping, you never did any hard drugs and barely drank alcohol, you were completely sober.

"Yeah, I uh...I did. Sorry if that's weird! I just-"

"No, no! It's fine! I would expect Heaven to know everything about me...God at least...or the other angels. Honestly you appearing out of nowhere was the weirdest thing that happened in my entire life so, you knowing my name is nothing" You chuckled and you watched as he chuckled with. Now that the adrenaline had worn off, you realized that he was incredibly cute. He was adorable!

"I'm still so sorry about that! This is the first time I ever was assigned to someone so...I got a little excited! Is there anything I can do to make up for it?" God- can you still say that?- he was the cutest thing ever. Oh no, were you forming a crush on him? On an angel? Your guardian angel?

"Hello? Are you there?" Peter's voice awakened you from your thoughts, shaking your head, you realized he was only a few inches from your face. Flustering and face warming, you jumped back and held your chest, damn! He was close! Too close!

"Oh shit I'm so sorry again! You weren't responding and I got concerned because you were staring off into space and I can't believe I scared my human again and-" You placed a hand on his shoulder as he started to ramble and look at the floor and you gave him a warm smile.

"It's ok Peter! You just wanted to make sure I was alright and you're new at this. If it makes you feel better- I'm glad I was your first assignment" His face went from anxious to awe, he stared at you with wide eyes and pale face turning to gold. Did angels have gold blood? Was he blushing?

"I- t-thank you! But seriously, if there's anything I can do to make up for scaring you twice now, please let me know!" He was so insistent on making it up to you, it made your heart do flips and butterflies form in your stomach. He might have been the only angel you've met, but he was certainly the cutest.

"I'll get back to you on that"

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━・

One month had passed since Saint Peter revealed himself as your guardian angel and your life hadn't gotten any better, well, it still sucked but he was always there to cheer you up. You couldn't help but slowly form an all-consuming crush on him, how couldn't you? He was the most pure being you ever met and he was always there to make you feel better after a bad day.

However, the crush didn't stop there. It turned into something so downright sinful you couldn't bear to let Peter know that you wanted to fuck him. But how could you not? He was so innocent and pure it made your heart do flips and butterflies always swarmed in your stomach when he was around. Honestly it was hard not to just grab him and kiss him and touch him. But you didn't want him to do things he wasn't comfortable with and without consent. And you also didn't want to risk going to hell. So you kept it secret and all your rather...intimate nights alone thinking about him.

The day was going normal, it was a day without Peter as he didn't stay with you 24/7 but that wasn't a big deal. Sure, you missed him a lot when he was gone, but you're sure he had duties back up in Heaven too. You sighed as you sat on the couch, mindlessly scrolling through your phone before becoming bored of that and tossing it on the couch. You stare at it as you pick up the remote and try to find something on the TV to watch, also ending up being in a mindless state of searching. Then, you thought of Peter and how adorable he was, and then, you were horny.

"Fuck" You cursed at how easily you got horny, especially for him. You had a choice- be pent up and force yourself to not masturbate, or masturbate. "Shit," standing up, you tossed the remote on the counter and grabbed your phone, heading to your bedroom.

Shutting the door, you sighed and put your phone on the nightstand before opening the drawer to reveal the plethora of sex toys. It was a decent amount- you had needs that needed met. However shamefully, you had gotten a few more because of Peter. Laying down and leaning back on your pillows, you had grabbed one and placed it on your sex, turning it on and biting your lip as you started to masturbate. Moaning Peter's name, you thought of him and it made you feel so dirty.

Unfortunately, you didn't hear the door open until it was too late, the sound of gasping made you freeze. Wiping your head up, you saw as a panicking Peter had covered his eyes and turned away from you in the doorway.

"I'm so sorry I heard you call my name and I thought you were calling for me I'm so sorry!" The poor angel was entirely gold- he did mention that angels have gold blood- as he blushed at the fact that he caught you masturbating about him. Now you're the panicking one as you shove the toy away under your sheets. You couldn't bring yourself to say a single word before you watched him hurry away, however, you brought yourself to say one.

"Wait!" You held out your hand as he froze, breathing heavy, you said it again as you considered carefully about what you were going to say.

"I'm the one that should be sorry! I-I never should have thought about you like that...I...understand if you don't want to be my assignment anymore..." Shame flushed through your veins as the weight of the situation finally hit. This wasn't some silly crush for a normal human guy- it was of an angel who was the most purest being you had ever known. He probably thinks you're disgusting now, someone that does deserve to go Hell. It was silent for a good while, you're not sure for how long, but the one who broke it was Peter.

"I...you're not the only one. And it's wrong I know I know!" He turned and removed his hands from his face, causing you to stare at shock at what he said. He felt the same?

"Angels should never fall for humans but you were so cute and I just had these dirty thoughts I couldn't get rid of and-" He was speaking so fast but you managed to cut him off before he could ramble even more.

"And why can't you get rid of them?" You teased, confidence suddenly rising as you smirked at the angel. Crawling towards him on the bed, he stood completely still as you got closer, wearing nothing but your shirt.

"I-uhm you just do something to me I don't know why! You're adorable and attractive and I just...I shouldn't...pleasure myself it's wrong!" Bless his soul...you pat the bed and said "come here" Peter gulped as he obeyed, soon standing right up against the edge. He stared at you like a deer in headlights and it was the cutest thing. Then, you decided to be bold. You rushed up and grabbed his neck, pulling him into a kiss. At first he didn't move, then he started to kiss back a little. You could tell he didn't have much experience with other people if any at all. Your heart was beating as fast as can be as he shakily wrapped his arms around you. After a few minutes, you pulled away, completely out of breath and he was too. Taking his arms off of you, he looked down at his mouth before putting one of his hands up to lightly touch his lips.

"I think I'm in love with you" You barely heard it, but it made your heart swell. That was your key to grab him again and drag him down, kissing him even more than before running your hands through his hair. This time, he was more eager to kiss you back, he was ready.

"Call this the favor. You're not going to be able to walk after tonight"

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━・

You awoke not with nobody by your side, but with your guardian angel all deshelved sleeping so soundly. That was the best sleep of your life. You had to untangle your body from his as you quietly shuffled to the bathroom to pee. You almost didn't want to leave him, but your bladder was too loud to ignore. Kissing his forehead, you made your way to the kitchen with only a large shirt on as you started to make breakfast.

The smell must have woken Peter up as he walked into the kitchen as well, yawning and rubbing his eye. Hair all down and messy, one wing up and one wing down, and his body was covered in your marks from last night and he was wearing nothing but his underwear he must have shrugged them on as they weren't even on all the way. Smiling, you watched as he sleepily slid into a dinning room chair.

"Good morning, my sweet angel"

[translatemunson]

the tortured firefighters department • evan "buck" buckley

series summary: Each year, 240 million calls are made to the 9-1-1 in the United States. For the Los Angeles County Fire Department, it averages 1,200 calls a day. You could do the math and lay down all the probabilities of crossing the country all the way to the sunny — and full of catastrophes — L.A. for a PhD and ending up in a new 9-1-1 call center. But you could never solve the Buckley problem in front of you.

this is a evan "buck" buckley x fem!reader series

warnings: fem!reader, afab!reader, no specific details about reader appearance are given (lmk if i let something slip), slight divergence from the 9-1-1 tv show timeline (hey, it's a fanfic, i can do whatever i want), mentions of violence, mentions of disasters, mentions of medical conditions, mental issues themes. more specific warnings will be provided at each chapter.

chapters

chapter one — devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes

chapter two — we play dumb but we know exactly what we’re doing

chapter three — these days I'm restless, work days are endless

chapter four — thought of calling you, but you won't pick up

chapter five — when my depression works the graveyard shift

chapter six — it always ends up with a town car speeding

chapter seven — don’t you dare look out the window, darling, everything’s on fire

more chapters to be announced

blurbs

blurb — you’ve been calling my bluff on all my usual tricks (takes place between the events of chapter two and three)

blurb (requested) — touch me and you'll never be alone (you need to read chapter six to understand it)

special content:

spotify playlist by the lovely @live-love-be-unique HERE

series note: i have planned out a timeline for the series, which means we are getting a lot of development for them (so reading chapters with a number is required if you wanna understand the series). BUT i'm also open to take suggestions of what you wanna see (maybe it's a scene, maybe you saw this prompt and think it matches the TTFD vibes), so please don't be shy and send me your ideas and suggestions via askbox or dms.

author's note: hi guys! first of all, english is not my first language and, even though i'm a writer in my mother language, i still struggle to put ideas on paper in english. so bear with me and my mistakes, ok? new obsession, new fic, ofc. wanted to explore a reader that is not just a dispatcher, but also have some things inspired by my own hobbies and struggles.

banners credits to @cafekitsune

[shyvien]

Here are 100 random quotes from Lucifer!

Sourced from the OM! Wiki, chats, devilgram, screenshots I found, etc. I made this list to help with studying to write the characters in character. (Not really proofread, sorry if there are mistakes. Also, there may be spoilers. If so, they’re minor spoilers)

✧༺⚜️༻✧

​​“Do you want my attention? Why don't we talk for a little then? I have enough energy for that. As your presence is so very soothing to me.“

​​“Heh, not afraid to get sassy with me anymore, are you?”

​​“Let's celebrate until you cannot stand anymore.“

​​“No need to rush. I won't be able to help you if you fall down in the middle of the street. Rather, I would probably enjoy the sight.”

​​“...Well? How do you like Demonus-flavored kisses?“

​​“I believe it's long been established that if anyone's going to be eating them, it will be me.“

​​“If you want me to keep you from running that mouth of yours, you need only ask.“

​​“Are you poking fun at me right now? I see you like to play with fire. Well, there's a punishment for getting cheeky with me like that. Come here, MC”

​​“I am exceedingly concerned…”

​​“Now Listen, and listen well. I will not be your possession. I won’t belong to you. You will belong to me.”

​​“You seem repentant, so I shall forgive you.”

​​“Are you still tired from last night? After all, I didn’t let you get much sleep.”

​​“I will watch over you. Until the day comes where we must part. And I promise... to love you until the end of your days and beyond.”

​​“You... Release me! Don't you dare try to put me to sleep like I'm not ten million years older than you!”

​​“All of you, out of the way...! I'm going to tear that human limb from limb…!”

​​"Are you trying to please me?"

​​"Do you need a goodnight kiss?"

​​"You are a strange human being."

​​"You want me to praise you for that? Very well… Good iob."

​​"Fine, I'll forgive you just this once."

​​"Do you need something?"

​​“It's as if you're saying that you need me in your life, and that's a wonderful feeling. Is it conceited of me to say that? Well, I am the Avatar of Pride, after all."

​​“Stab it with a fork or something. Anything sharp should do the trick.“

​​"I can't say I mind spending my time with you while Mammon's shrieks echo in the background either. Heh! And Diavolo's laughter is even louder than that."

​​“Well, there are worse demons it could have happened to... Probably.”

​​“Asmo, you stay right there. I'll go get my whip.“

​​“Hush now. Daddy's here to give you a hug.“

​​“NONONONONONO! I'm saying I DON'T want them to see that picture. So, if they ask you for it, I'd like you to tell them that no such photo exists. OK?”

​​“That won't be necessary. I went ahead and blew it up. The entire room.“

​​"If you want to get the better of me, that toy of yours isn't going to cut it. Perhaps try lethal poison from some horrific insect, aged a thousand years for maximum potency."

​​“I know, I know... But why don't we save the killing until after you've eaten your breakfast, hm?“

​​“Mmm, nothing's sweeter than listening to their screams of agony. Heheheh...”

​​“Bring him down to the living room. Use whatever means necessary…though I do want him alive.“

​​”I would never have imagined I would be kissed on the cheek by you. I don't dislike it when you take the initiative. But why on the cheek? You don't need to hesitate with me. Next time, do it on the lips. Understand?”

​​“Hell coffee becomes bitter when you prepare it for someone that you're fond of. It's a special property of the coffee beans. Naturally, I drank every last drop of your feelings.”

​​“Only those that haven't been involved in that dolt's childish antics are the truly happy ones.”

​​“When I get my hands on him, I'll have to be thorough with my discipline.”

​​“Tomorrow I will be handing Diavolo a report detailing how all of the exchange students are faring. I'll be sure to stress how excited you are to continue your education here at our prestigious academy.”

​​“How's the Celestial Realm? Unlike the Devildom, you don't have to worry about anyone grabbing you and eating you for lunch there, do you?”

​​“You've got Solomon with you as well, so you should relax and enjoy your time there.“

​​“If only my brothers were as obedient as you are. It is not every day that you get the chance to have me indebted to you. You can expect a one-hundred times return on the investment of your time, that I promise. In return, I expect that you won't let me down.”

​​“How naive. If you don't want me to have wasted my time by informing you, be sat in your seat at the table within the next sixty seconds. It will be just you and me. Let us enjoy the rare breakfast together before my brothers ruin the atmosphere.”

​​“Don't get cocky, MC.”

​​“One spoke at length about the clothing on the Diavolo sticker. It waxed lyrical about how exquisite the design choices were.”

​​“However, I discovered a slew of insults written in invisible ink on the page.“

​​“How could you tell? You really know me well, MC! Hehehe. I was drinking Demonus with Diavolo earlier. And you know, he kept saying all these nice things about you... Let me tell you, I'm also really happy you're down here with us.”

​​“…Who even came up with the idea that whoever empties their bottle first, wins...? Oh, right. I did... My bad. Ah, my head is spinning. Good night MC. Love you.”

​​“Ugh, you thickheaded fool of a demon! What's your skull made of? Granite?”

​​“That's a curse meant to make you stub your toe on the leg of a table… But if you actually do stub your toe, it hurts quite a bit.”

​​“MC. It has come to my attention that Mammon and Asmo took you out for a drive recently. Well, how was it? Enjoyable? …I'm glad to hear it. We all need breaks from the daily grind from time to time. l'd like you to join me for a drive next time. I'll give you a taste of euphoric freedom that those two could never dream of. Prepare for the time of your life.”

​​“If you'd like, we could take a shower together.”

​​“After all, I haven't managed to seduce you yet. I'm going to need more time.”

​​“The three highest-ranked demons in the realm, frolicking about in a frivolous pajama party? How absurd.”

​​“I didn't hear a word you just said. I know nothing about it, and I'm going to keep it that way.”

​​“I see. Then I should be allowed to take a similar photo of you, no? Come stay over in my room again tonight.”

​​“Don't be stupid. I will not allow myself to be clad in demon garb. I'm going to strip off every last piece of it this very instant and fling it as far away from me as I can.”

​​“You're a demon. I'm surprised someone like you is able to feed me lines like that with a straight face. You've got some nerve.”

​​ “Heheheh. Well, he is my brother, after all, so I thought I'd go easy on him. So, should I make this quick, or go slowly, bit by bit? Your choice.”

​​ “So, tell me. what's with the Little D.? The one looking at me with that moronic expression...”

​​“You think you stand a chance against me?! You think you could defeat Lucifer, Avatar of Pride?“

​​ “Well, aren't you persistent. I suppose you won't be happy until you've pummeled the door senseless?”

​​“...Just what were you hoping to accomplish by knocking me down like this, hm? Because doing something like that to me, right now… is making it much harder for me to control myself...!”

​​“Given that you were the one who pounced first, you can't complain when the tables are turned, can you? …I'm so thirsty, I can hardly think straight. I trust you understand what that means.”

​​ “To show my thanks, I suppose I'm not against giving you some special treatment. You'll have to come closer. I'll give you my lap until you're satisfied. ...You'll keep me company until then, won't you?”

​​"You deserve a thank you."

​​ "Sorry, this isn't exactly my cup of tea. I was hoping you'd know me better."

​​"It appears to me you know what pleases me."

​​"Are you really trying to tickle me? Heheheh, you'll have to do much better than that."

​​"Pff...if you think that tickles, you're wrong."

​​"Well, if you insist on touching me, then be my guest.”

​​"Well, hello. How are things?"

​​"You've got some nerve keeping me waiting. Well now, what are you going to do about it?"

​​"I'm back. Hm? ...Did you miss me?"

​​"*sigh* I've had a long day. But seeing you has a way of making me feel better."

​​"Sorry, I had some business to take care of. Well, well, you certainly seem happy to see me."

​​"Done? Let's continue this in my room."

​​"Good night... We'll meet again in our dreams."

​​ "I feel like we both have a nice day ahead of us."

​​ "I enjoyed our time together. Perhaps we should do this again."

​​“You do know what I'm capable of... don't you?"

​​ "Happy Easter. Will you accept it, my little bunny?"

​​"Once you're officially a sorcerer, I'd like you to become powerful enough to shut up Solomon for me."

“Very well. Here I go. Lucifer Kick!”

“Why should I be subjected to the indignation of a pat on the head from you?”

​​“After all, it's a bit like tossing a helpless lamb into the middle of a pack of hungry wolves, isn't it? But it's also important to understand just who it is you're eating, wouldn't you say?“

​​ “It means that I see you as prey, too. Just like the others. It goes without saying that I'm far stronger than you. If I were to pin you down right here and now, you wouldn't be able to do anything about it, now would you? How about we give it a try...?“

​​“You will soon enough.”

​​ “When a vampire feeds, it's not like his human prey feels only pain. Quite the opposite, actually. They're overcome with a feeling of unimaginable ecstasy. The truth is that you want this as well, don't you? You want to feel my arms around you, to give yourself up to me and offer up your blood... You're special. I won't drink you dry...no. I'm going to kiss you again and again, all over your body. Indulging in you just a bit each and every night. And I do mean every night. No other vampire will ever know the taste of your blood…”

​​“Do you have any idea how hard I had to struggle not to do this earlier...? It was all I could do to resist throwing my arms around you right in front of everyone at the party.”

​​ “MC… I missed you. I can tell just from the way you feel against me. I can sense what you're feeling.I'm sorry, MC. ...Sorry it took me so long to get to you. You should really stay with me tonight. We need to make up for all the time lost.“

​​ “You're drunk, you idiot. Oh well, I'll go along with you just for today. Bottoms up.”

​​“Me? Intoxicated? Preposterous. I'm my usual old self.”

​​“You are also fond of me, no?“

​​ “Then come over here. Are you holding back? Come closer. Prepare yourself. If I win, I get to do with you as I please.”

​​“You know there is no turning back after the first pillow is thrown, right?”

“As a demon, I've never cared when humans bred…”

​​“Stop unnecessarily stressing me out. You're shaving years off my life here.”

​​ “I don't mind. If I am not allowed to nag, then I can simply beat these rules into you.”

​​“Is this how you all amuse yourselves? By sending photos of your exposed body parts?”

​​ “Good grief. I need eyes everywhere to keep track of everyone.”

Extras! (It's hard to pick just 100 y'know?)

1. ​​“Leading unhealthy lifestyles, frittering away your time and money… The extent to which you all squander your lives away is quite intolerable to watch.”

2.​​ “Put two or more of you together, and you start getting ideas in your head. Bad ideas.”

3. “The next time one of you puts so much as a toe out of line… I'lI march you all up your beloved Mt. Imminent Death, and ensure that you NEVER return.”

4. “So as an extra bonus, I'll tickle you...”

5. “How nice that you're not letting our large underground gambling problem spoil your fun...”

✧༺⚜️༻✧

𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉

𝒮𝒽𝓎 𝒲𝓇𝒾𝓉𝑒𝓇 ༝༚༝༚

[epicbuddieficrecs]

Weekly Recap | May 6th-12th 2024

Have a good week everyone!

If you know anyone who isn't tagged, please tag them in the comments!

Complete

you don't wanna know me now by spaceprincessem/ @spaceprincessem (Post-S7E7 | 1,3K | Teen): “Just one date,” Kim says casually, though she’s definitely picked up on whatever weird, uncomfortable tension has just entered the room with them, “this past Friday.” “Friday?” Buck repeats in an octave much higher than his normal one. Because Friday... Friday was when he watched Christopher while Eddie went out on date with — not Marisol, apparently.

taurus moon, libra rising by coldbam/ @coldbam (Established Buddie | 1,4K | General): “And I’m getting a lot of Virgo energy from Firefighter Diaz.” “Oh my God, he is a Virgo.” Buck excitedly smacks Eddie on the arm. “Do me next!” ~ Buck falls into astrology. Eddie is Eddie.

Mistakes by theotherlucifer/ @theotherbuckley (S7E7 Coda | 1,6K | Teen): Or Eddie Diaz makes bad decisions, but he can't help it, it's his wife.

Fluttering Wings of Freedom by Princessfbi/ @princessfbi (S7E5 Spec, Coming Out | 2K | General): Hen didn’t really know what she expected to find. Her mind had raced through a million different scenarios, catastrophizing the way only a paramedic could when faced with getting a phone call from her wife telling her to forget the groceries and hurry home. She’d expected broken glass or maybe blood and tears. What she didn’t expect was to find Karen sitting patiently in the arm chair with a cup of hot cocoa in her hands, a bottle of Jack on the coffee table, and Buck practically vibrating on her couch. 

wait for the feeling of you by coldbam/ @coldbam (PWP, Established Buddie | 2K | Explicit): “Fuck. Get up here. Let me take care of you.” Eddie feels Buck shake his head, still nuzzled against his thigh. He gives one last kiss to Eddie’s skin, then starts extracting himself from between Eddie’s legs, wiping his mouth along the way. “No, I’m good. We’re running late as it is.” And…that is reasonable and rational. They did get a bit carried away, and they are expected to make an appearance at Bobby’s for a barbeque. Except…

meditating on your lips by coldbam/ @coldbam (PWP | 3K | Explicit): Buck comes out, and Eddie has some interesting dreams.

blackout by rainbow_nerds/ @rainbow-nerdss (Getting Together | 3K | Explicit): Buck wakes up hungover on Eddie's couch, with no memory of the night before. Eddie's at just as much of a loss as he is, but their friends seem to know something they don't.

let it once be me (who do i have to speak to) by lenaboskow (Post-S7E4, Getting Together | 3K | Teen): “Why not me?” Eddie didn’t mean to say it. The question had been banging around in his head for the past week, but now it was out in the open, echoing off the walls of the loft for Buck to hear instead of safe in his mind. “Why– what do you mean?”

things you shouldn’t say to me by coldbam/ @coldbam (Getting Together, PWP | 4K | Mature): Eddie comes out, sleeps around, and Buck hears all about it.

little by little by MediaWhore/ @mediawhorefics (BuckTommy, Madney Wedding | 4K | General): Or Buck & Tommy, during and after the wedding.

he's never gonna love you like I want to by BekkaChaos/ @bekkachaos (S7, Demisexual Eddie | 5K | Teen): Eddie and Marisol talk about their relationship and the next step, and Eddie tries to articulate how he feels and why things aren't moving as fast as Marisol wants. A couple of days later Buck goes to Eddie's and they have a long talk about their feelings and their relationships, and probably let things go unsaid that aren't yet ready to come out.

Exhale by themandylion (Presumed Dead | 5K | Not Rated): Buck’s Jeep gets stolen, which is a pretty shitty way to start the day. The 118 answer a collision and find said Jeep on fire, a deceased driver inside, which is arguably an even worse way to start the day.

Give Us The Grown by fruitsdoesnotknow (Getting Together | 8K | Teen): Buck starts leaving notes for Eddie. Eddie writes notes for Buck right back. They were always going to end up writing their own love story.

the tiniest moves you make by allyasavedtheday/ @littlespoonevan (Maddie POV | 8K | Teen): Five times Buck talks to Maddie about Eddie intercut with five times Eddie talks to Maddie about Buck and one time they manage to figure it out on their own.

why do i always feel like i'm in the twilight zone by chromatophorica/ @chromatophorica (Supernatural AU | 6K | General): The 118 is a prolific, all supernatural station. They face the hardest of calls for this reason, but they're curious about what species Buck is from the start. When they find out, it's a complex navigation to keep him where he belongs.

drink up (you're wasted on me) by okanus (S7E6, Bachelor Party, Infidelity, PWP | 9K | Explicit): Or: Eddie and Buck hook up at the bachelor party. Difficulties ensue.

gone fishing by coldbam/ @coldbam (Accidental Catfishing, Getting Together | 9K | Mature): “Someone is catfishing as you.” His eyes are wide and his face is serious. Stressed. Eddie has no idea what he’s talking about. “What?” Buck slows down and carefully says each word. “Someone's using stolen photos of you on a dating app. Pretending to be you.” He looks miserable, like it pains him to deliver this news. Eddie’s face must still show confusion, because Buck lets out a frustrated huff and then shoves his phone right in front of his face. “Look.” And. Shit. Buck’s phone shines brightly in the evening light of the loft, and there, nearly blinding him, is his own Tinder profile.

🔥 It's a church of burnt romances (and I'm too far gone to pray) by justhockey (Coming Out, Post-S7E5 | 15K | Mature): Eddie looks back, sifting through the ashes of every relationship he’s ever had that has burned to the ground. And his hands shake, and his heart beats too fast, and it’s there, right on the tip of his tongue. It’s close enough that he could reach out and touch it if he were brave enough. The reason, that no matter how hard he tried - no matter how much he wanted to, or how often he literally prayed for it - his relationships with women have never worked out. And he knows. Knows that no amount of women, or trying, or praying will ever be able to change it. You can’t fix what isn’t broken, and Eddie isn’t broken. He isn’t. He’s just…well. He’s in love with Buck, isn’t he?

🔥 The Pain Will Leave You Once It's Done Teaching You by fruitsdoesnotknow (Canon Divergent, Daniel Lives-kinda | 40K | Mature): When Daniel Buckley lives a little longer, Evan Buckley dies a little more. And this is how Eddie Diaz saves him, a little later on.

🔥what if i can't have us by woodchoc_magnum/ @woodchoc-magnum (Post-S7E5, Getting Together, Sexuality Crisis | 47K Explicit): In which Eddie is dating Marisol; Buck's dating Tommy, and Eddie has feelings about that, which he simply does. not. understand.

WIP

🔥 Things We're All Too Young to Know by Daisies_and_Briar / @cal-daisies-and-briars (Canon S1-S6, S7 Spec | 127/? | 397K | Mature): This is a love story. Even if it doesn’t always look like it. Even if it doesn’t always feel like it. A look back on Eddie and Buck's lives up to now, and what led them to each other, interpreted from the current 9-1-1 canon.

🔥 change the prophecy by Daisies_and_Briars/ @cal-daisies-and-briars (Alternate Timeline, Curse/Magic | 9/11 | 22K | Mature): Buck has never felt secure in any of his relationships; he’s been searching for someone to see him the way he feels he’s meant to be seen, but after things start going downhill with Tommy, he thinks that person might just not exist. Eddie cannot figure out what’s wrong with him when it becomes clear things with Marisol aren’t going to work out. But what if they’re both forgetting something?

🔥 stuck now so long, we just got the start wrong by Daffi_990_ao3/ @daffi-990 (Canon Divergent, Different First Meeting | 4/10 | 31K | Not Rated): Probational Firefighters Evan “Buck” Buckley and Eddie Diaz meet on a call which ends with them at odds with each other. As the months roll by, they keep running into each other on the job, much to Eddie’s dismay and Buck’s delight. Can they put aside their first opinions and misunderstandings and allow the seeds of friendship, and possibly something more, to take root?

What’s Your Order? by JJK/ @trenchcoatsandtimetravel (Post-S7E5, BuckTommy | 4/6 | 10K | Teen): 5 Times Buck Guessed Tommy’s Coffee Order + 1 Time He Didn’t Have To

Held Up a Lightning Rod (Wonder Why I'm Struck) by letmetellyouaboutmyfeels/ @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels (Not A Firefighter Eddie, Sugar Baby Buck | 1/? | 5K | Explicit): When Eddie Diaz stumbles his way into money, he finds himself one of the most eligible bachelors in Los Angeles - to his dismay. He needs a way to get people off his back without confessing his messy marital situation, and Shannon's still not answering his calls, so he caves to a friend's suggestion: hire someone to pretend to be his partner. Enter Evan "Buck" Buckley: sugar baby, fire fighter, and the man about to turn Eddie's world upside down.

Podfic

🔥 [Podfic] When the Lost are Found by MistMarauder/ @mistmarauder for ReformedTsundere/ @film-in-my-soul (Soulmates AU | 20-30 min | General): When everyone seems to have a better soulmate identifying system, Buck can't help but consider his own to be lackluster. How's he meant to find his soulmate with loose change and mismatched socks after all?

🔥 [podfic] Trade-In by All_I_Ask/ @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove for themandylion (Post-S4, Getting Together | 1-1.5h | Not Rated): It starts with Buck trading in his beloved Jeep. It ends with a confession, a kiss, and Buck trading in his apartment too. Or: If you didn't think Buck research binges wouldn't eventually take him to safety specs for his car, you don't know Buck.

🔥 [podfic] my heart’s over-pumping and your mouth is an ambulance by All_I_Ask/ @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove for fleetinghearts/ @shitouttabuck (Post-S6, Getting Together | 1-1.5h | Teen): or, a fever, a party, a late night tv show: three times eddie’s heart falls out his ass because buck keeps looking at him like that. he’s just got to find a way to tell him that doesn’t involve a convoluted cephalopod analogy about love

🔥 [Podfic] Tell Me About Despair by radpaisley // fic by @hattalove (Post-S4, Sexuality Crisis | 1/5 | 2-2.5h | Mature): eddie's not entirely sure he believes in getting help, at least not for himself. there's only so much healing to be had for a body torn apart by bullets, for a mind that's only half there, for a man who's been leaving pieces of himself behind all his life with nothing to take their place. except, as it turns out, falling apart happens in increments, and healing does, too: it happens when you gnaw a hole in your lip trying to keep quiet only to have the words escape; when you realize that the ghost you've been seeing out of the corner of your eye is yourself; when your best friend smiles, and you allow it to take your breath away. it happens through the smallest of things: bird feeders, and cacti, and pasta shapes. meanwhile, the world goes on.

[inbloomwriting]

Everything to me - Chapter 2

Chapter two - Blueberry & Kidney Bean

Chapter 1

Plot: Jamie Tartt is a lot of things: professional footballer, the island's top scorer .... sexually, extremly handsome. But one thing he never saw himself as was a dad. Too bad he has to deal with the consequences of his own actions. This fic follows reader and Jamie as they navigate life and turn from practially strangers to parents. Pairing: Jaime Tartt x female reader Warnings: Pregnancy, swearing, mentions of food and alcohol, slight mention of sexual intimacy (nothing graphic), strained/toxic parental relationship Notes: 5.6k words. I do not have a set uploading schedule. Please bear with me as I work on this story. I know hardly anything about pregnancy, all my information comes from google. I tagged everyone who asked me to do it when I posted part 1. Please let me know if you want to be taken off or added to the taglist. Likes, reblogs, comments are all much appreciated. I am German. Sometimes I get the tense wrong or make mistakes. I am useless when it comes to punctuation. Go easy on me, please

The store smells like dust and cardboard and old carpet. It's not necessarily a bad smell, it just doesn't live up to her memories.

She remembers the perpetual scent of menthol cigarettes and some kind of cheap men's perfume wafting through the air. The store used to smell like her dad and now it doesn't. And that just makes it all even more real.

Boxes upon boxes litter the room, filled with records. Some older, some newer. Guitars adorn one wall while the others are covered in posters from tours that happened long ago, some even before she was born.

There is something comforting about being here. It’s like stepping back into the past. Long nights watching Dad and his friends play their guitars after store-closing. Discovering new bands whenever a new shipment of records came in. And yes - she is the first to admit that in her younger years, she mostly chose the records by how cool the cover looked. 

It’s also memories of Dad getting caught up in the after-hours jam sessions and forgetting about her dance recital and that one time he threw a guitar at the window out of anger that a shipment of records got lost. It took him months to get the window replaced. She could probably still trace exactly where the crack used to be. 

Being here is very reminiscent in all the good and bad ways. But it’s a warped version of the past. One that’s laced with all the knowledge she has now. Like a movie that you’ve seen a million times.

“I don’t think pregnant women are supposed to be doing that!” 

Jamie’s voice cuts through the nostalgia-induced fog like a sunbeam through the clouds. And it also gives her a little heart attack as the only sound filling the room up until now had been her moving around and the soft tunes of an Eric Clapton record playing in the background.

“Jesus fuck! You scared me. I’m pretty sure you’re not supposed to startle pregnant women either and give them heart attacks.” 

He looks at her with those big expressive eyes of his and a comically overdone pout on his lips. “Sorry, didn’t mean to scare you. But seriously give me that.” 

He’s so quick to take the box of records from her hands (Y/N) hardly has time to process what’s going on. 

Quite honestly, his worry is a bit misplaced here but she appreciates the sentiment even if he might be a little overly cautious at that moment. It feels nice to be cared for. 

“You know I’m pregnant, not sick, right? I can carry stuff.” 

“Yeah but why would you if you got me carrying it for you?” 

He has a point, she has to give him that. 

“Fair enough. Those go over there in the corner please.” 

Jamie follows her order without hesitation and, after setting the box down in its designated place, his eyes dart across the room and light up with childlike wonder and curiosity.

“This used to be your dad’s place, yeah? It looks really neat with all them posters and shit. Like stepping into an old person’s mind but like a cool old person that buys you alcohol when you’re 15 and lets you watch horror movies when your mum said no.” 

Of all the adjectives in the world, (Y/N) wouldn’t ever think of using the word “cool” to describe her dad. He was creative and fun and eccentric and stubborn — but cool? 

Then again he was her dad and no one ever likes to think of their own parents as cool. Oh god, will their kid think she’s uncool?! 

“Uh yeah, the shop and the apartment right above us. He owned it, now I do. I’m trying to get it all fixed up and ready to be sold.”

“What? Why?” 

There is something to be said about Jamie’s face and his absolute inability to mask his emotions. Everything he thinks and feels is mirrored twice as vividly on his face. He’s all furrowed brows and pouty lips. 

“I mean — it’s a record store. People don’t really buy records anymore. Be honest, when was the last time you bought one instead of just streaming the music?” 

“Like two weeks ago.” 

“Fuck off, no you didn’t!” 

“Uh — yeah, I did. Olivia Rodrigo if you must know.” 

A soft giggle falls from (Y/N)’s lips. How fitting for Jamie to buy an album full of teenage angst. 

“Well, you’re one of very few people though. In a perfect world, I wouldn’t have to sell. I’d keep it open. Instead of selling instruments, it’d turn that part of the shop into a little stage with a coffee counter or a bar. Host open mic nights and shine a spotlight on undiscovered artists. But the world isn’t perfect and there is no way I can afford to turn that vision into reality so really there’s no use in letting myself get too caught up in it.” 

There is pity in his eyes and she hates it. She doesn’t want pity, not his or anyone else’s. Has seen enough of it, especially lately. If she had received just one more “Sorry for your loss” card in the mail from relatives she hadn’t seen in decades, she probably would’ve stabbed a fork in her own eye. Pity does no good to no one. 

“Anyway, Jamie. Not that I don’t enjoy hanging out with you, it’s kind of necessary if we want to get this whole beings-friends-thing right, but uh — what are you doing here?” 

“Jesus, can’t a guy just come around to say hi to his baby? “ 

She thinks the way he says the word “Baby” in his thick accent is surprisingly and undeniably adorable. As if it ends in an “eh” instead of a “y”.

“By the way, they’re as big as a blueberry now.” 

And the way he’s keeping track of the baby's growth gets her right in the heart. For some reason, this seems to come so naturally to him when it all still feels weird and foreign and surreal to her. As if it were happening to someone else and she’s just a mere spectator. The idea that something as small as a blueberry will one day turn into a proper baby, a child, a teenager … a whole ass adult - is so wild to her. Almost incomprehensible. A person with their own feelings and dreams and personality. (Y/N) wonders if at any point in this pregnancy, she'll wake up and it'll all just make sense or if that only comes once she's holding the baby in her arms.

“That's cute. Doesn't answer my question though. What brings you here?”

A shadow of something flickers across Jamie’s face. Something unreadable and unfamiliar. Something that makes (Y/N) feel a sense of dread bubbling up in her stomach.

“I uh — I can’t do this.”

And there it is. That unfamiliar shadow is now a metaphorical atom bomb, a mushroom cloud of all that could have been and won’t be.

“Oh okay. I mean no, not okay. This sucks actually. You said you wanted to be part of the baby’s life and now you’re bailing? That’s a shit move, Jamie. You’re a right prick for pulling that crap.” 

“What? Oh no!” his eyes widen as the realization sets in. “That’s not what I meant.”

“Well then what did you mean? Cause you’re truly giving me a heart attack right now. Second one for today. You really need to start working on your conversation starters.” 

She had given him the chance to opt out of being a dad, to not be a part of the baby’s life. It seemed like the right thing to do and, foolishly, (Y/N) had believed that she’d be okay with him doing just that. In this very moment though, she feels everything but okay. The idea of Jamie changing his mind is terrifying. 

Sometimes you don’t realize just how much you need something — or someone until you’re faced with the possibility of losing them.

“I mean, I can’t do this alone. I need to tell someone. All I keep thinking about is the baby and I feel like I am going to explode any second now. I know we can’t tell everyone yet ‘cause of — well you know, things going wrong and stuff. But I need to tell someone. You got to tell Rebecca and your mum, I think it’s only fair I get to tell two people as well, yeah?”

A sense of relief floods her. Starts in her toes and fills her all the way to the top of her head. He wants this — wants the baby. It’s not just her in this. It’s nice to know you have someone in your corner. It’s also scary. Because he deserves to know just whose team he’s on. And being vulnerable fucking sucks. 

“Jamie, that’s fine. Absolutely you can tell your mum.” 

“And Simon? You got two people so — “

“I didn’t though.” 

“Uh yes, you did. I know you told Rebecca.” 

“That’s right.”

“And your mum too”.

The silence that follows his words is deafening. Being vulnerable means also admitting guilt. It means owning up to all of your mistakes. Though we are not the sum of our mistakes, they are what help shape the person we become. And (Y/N) really doesn’t think they make her a very good one.

“And your mum too?” 

More silence.

“You didn’t tell your mum? Why not? “

To his credit, Jamie looks truly surprised and confused. There is no judgment there, just absolute bewilderment and that signature softness that rounds out his features and settles in his eyes whenever Jamie talks to her about something serious. Granted they’ve not had that many conversations but she hopes that softness stays. She hopes that maybe their baby can have those soft, gentle eyes too.

“I’m not sure. I think I’m scared. My mum and I have a — complicated relationship. I disappoint her, she judges me. You know, the usual.” 

“You think she’ll be disappointed because we're having a baby? Is it because of me?”

(Y/N) shrugs, breaking eye contact and fixing her gaze on the old grey carpet with the ugly 90s pattern. What if those soft eyes can look straight through her, see all the ugly parts and the insecurities? That’s too scary for now. Too much too soon.

“No, it has nothing to do with you. Think she’ll just be disappointed I didn’t get pregnant according to the timeline she dreamed up for my life when I was like 2 years old. Had it all planned out for me and I never stuck to it.” 

Jamie is quiet for a moment but (Y/N) doesn’t dare to look back up at him. She can’t deal with any more pity.

“Well if you want to practice telling a mum, we can start with mine.”

“Huh?” 

“You can come to Manchester with me if you want. To tell my mum. We’ll have one mum down then, makes it easier to do it a second time. It’s science.” 

Jamie has the fascinating quality of making you believe in his words just by being so undeniably charming and because he believes in them himself. He makes it look easy when it is everything but.

“And if things don’t go well with your mum at least you’ll know you have at least one mum you can rely on, even if it’s not your own. She raised me pretty much by herself so she knows a thing or two about babies and parenting and stuff.” 

The mocking raise of (Y/N)’s right eyebrow doesn’t go unnoticed by Jamie who opens his lips to a silent gasp and clutches his chest with an overly dramatic gesture. 

“What? You saying I didn’t turn out perfectly?”

“No,” she laughs, a lightness festering in her chest. Like the first rays of sunshine after a cold winter that never seemed to end. Like a glass of wine after a long day at work. Like your favorite song on the radio at the exact moment you need it most. “I think you turned out exactly the way you were supposed to.” 

“Thanks,” Jamie says with that cheeky smile playing on his lips that makes him look a little younger than he actually is. Then he dares to wink at her and it’s a little annoying but also insanely charming. “Not sure you meant it as a compliment but I am taking it. Now when are you free for a trip up to Manchester?” 

(Y/N)’s been on a lot of road trips around the country when she was younger. She’s even spent a whole summer traveling Europe, partially by train but most of the time was spent stuffed in a Fiat Punto with 3 of her friends and all their luggage. It was stuffy, it was chaotic and it was immensely fun. None of those road trips ever involved a shiny black Aston Martin Rapide though. 

Or a famous footballer dressed in the ugliest lime green sweater (Y/N) has ever seen. 

“That’s all the luggage you got?” Jamie questions as he moves the black shades off of his eyes and sets them on the top of his head, holding back some of his hair. It shouldn’t work so well but it does. 

“I mean, we’re only staying for a night right? Why? Should I have brought more? How much did you pack?” 

He glances at her, then towards the car, and back at her. A sheepish look crosses his face before being replaced by his childlike cheekiness. “That’s confidential. Don’t worry about it, yeah?” 

“I got my ginger lollies, that’s all that matters really.” 

“You feeling alright?” 

“Mh, I’m good. Just pregnant.” 

His eyes drop down to her stomach for just a second before he nods his head in what (Y/N) can only describe as a mix of pride and satisfaction. “Yeah, you are.” 

That’s new. Well not new-new but it hasn’t happened since the day of the funeral. That tingly feeling in her stomach that has fuck all to do with the baby and everything with how the baby got there. Yes, Jamie is hot and (Y/N) is the first to admit as much but there has been so much stress and chaos and she hardly had time to think about anything but surviving and making sure not to completely lose herself in bad visions of what-ifs that her brain has had no time to process any feelings of arousal or lust. That look he just gave her though, that one made her remember it for just a second.

“You sure you’re alright?” 

Jamie’s voice shakes her from her daydream and brings her back to the real world, her eyes focusing back on the obscene car parked in front of her tiny apartment building looking so insanely out of place.

“Uh yes, I’m fine. I just — sometimes I forget that you’re famous.” 

Jamie regards her for a moment before shrugging his shoulder and grabbing the bag from her hands. “I don’t. It’s fun. Now come on, let’s goooooo.” 

His voice is dipped in excitement and there’s a bounce in his step. If this is how the prospect of seeing his mother makes him feel and behave, she must be one lovely woman. Whenever (Y/N) thinks of her own mother her chest fills with tiny metaphorical icicles. Sharp and rough and painful. It’s all regret and judgment and disapproval. It’s “You gained weight”, “you look tired”, and “You should really look into getting a new job”. Daggers disguised as roses. Stabs right to the heart in the name of being honest. “I just care about you, because I love you, because I am your mother!” 

If there is one thing (Y/N) knows for sure, it’s that she will never ever find the need to resort to criticism and thinly veiled malice in order to show her child that she cares. They will know. Every single day. Because she’ll make sure to show them. Every single day in all the big and tiny ways a person can show their love. 

“Kidney Bean?”

“Kidney Bean. And apparently, the baby is sprouting webbed fingers and toes right now. Oh, and it’s starting to move!” 

“Can you feel that?” 

“No, not yet.” 

“It’s mental. Last week she was the size of a blueberry and now she’s a kidney bean. Kid’s growing up too fast.” 

It’s true. There is so much happening all at once and it’s almost impossible to really process it all. Suddenly there is a tiny spark of a human inside her. Not really a baby yet but a baby to her. And it's moving and developing and changing every second of every day. Fucking insane.

“Wait … you said she. You think it’s a girl?”

Maybe it’s the sunlight casting a glow through the windshield but (Y/N) is almost certain she can just about make out a blush dusting Jamie’s cheeks. 

“Dunno.”

“Jamie Tartt, do you want to be a girl dad?” 

He glances at (Y/N) through the corner of his eyes for just a moment but it’s enough for her to see the sincerity in him. This is something he’s thought about before. Learning new things about Jamie is fascinating.

“Ah,  it’s stupid, really. It’s — It’s dumb or whatever.” 

“No, come on, don't go shy on me now. Tell me.” 

He takes a deep breath. A moment passes then another. There is no rush. Sometimes silly thoughts are the result of harsh truths. 

“Told you my dad was a prick. Like the biggest piece of shit walking this earth, yeah? And I knew that all my life. Thing is I still tried to impress him. I just — I wanted him to like me so badly. Just felt wrong that me own dad didn’t care about me and that made me angry. And I kept that anger inside me for so long. Sometimes when I think about the baby and the future I am scared that if I have a son that anger will jump over to him. Like maybe all Tartt men are cursed or some shit like that. But if I had a little girl maybe that would make it easier for me to be a good dad. I don’t mind either way, obviously, but the idea of having a son scares me.” 

It’s the most vulnerable he’s been with her so far and by the way he clenches his jaw and grabs onto the steering wheel just a little tighter, (Y/N) can tell this isn’t easy on him. It means a lot that he shares this part of him with her anyway. It feels like they are actually becoming friends. So opening up to him in return is only half as horrifying. 

“When I was a kid, maybe 11 or 12, I wrote a short story for school and I won an award. They did this big ceremony thing where the 3 finalists got to read their stories out loud for an audience and then receive their prizes. My mum didn’t show up, not sure if it was because she stayed longer at the office and didn’t care enough to leave on time or if she just didn’t feel like getting out of the house. Point is, she wasn’t there. When I came home that night I was sad, obviously, and I was also pissed. Because why the fuck couldn’t she take one night off to come see me succeed at something even if it wasn’t something she deemed worthy of praise. 

So I yelled at her and I’m sure I said some hurtful things. But I was so devastated and angry and I needed an outlet for once. She called me ungrateful but I was used to that, she always called me ungrateful. Then she looked at me with that look of absolute resignation and malice and she said that she hopes I have a daughter like me one day and that she makes me realize how hard it is to love me. 

When I think of the baby, sometimes I see a little girl too. One that I will love so much she never has to doubt it for a single second. And I will also prove my mother wrong. Because it will be so easy to love my little girl and it would’ve been so easy to love me, her little girl.” 

It’s the first time she’s ever said those words out loud. Truly, (Y/N) had not expected for them to come out in an Aston Martin, on the way to meet her baby’s father’s mother but life doesn’t seem to care for plans very much these days.

Softly, as if to not startle her, Jamie places his hand on hers, squeezing gently.

“I think your mum is a right bitch.” 

“Thanks. I think your dad is a huge asshole.” 

“We’re gonna be better than them, right?” 

It’s not really a question. It’s more of a promise.

“We will. I know it.”

His hand doesn’t leave hers for a good long while. 

The nerves don’t hit her until they pull up to the quaint little house with the white front. There’s a rose bush to the side and some kids playing football just across the way. The nerves don’t hit her until Jamie puts the car in park but when they do, they hit her like a freight train.

“Woah, you alright?” 

“Huh?” 

“You look all pale and like you’ve seen a ghost or something. Do you have to puke?”

A chuckle falls from her lips at the absurdity of it all. In all honesty, she’s not met a lot of parents yet but the few she did meet were parents of actual partners. People she had been dating for a while. It was a natural progression of steps. This is all wrong and sideways and topsy-turvy. You’re supposed to meet the mum first and then get pregnant. 

Again with the life and the plans. 

“I��m fucking nervous.” 

“Hah,” Jamie laughs. The audacity of this guy. “You’re nervous to meet my mum? Why? She’s an angel.”

“Do you not know how intimidating that is? Like, if she was shit I wouldn’t care but she sounds wonderful and I want her to like me. No, I need her to like me. Desperately. And I can only imagine what she thinks of me already. Some floozy who gets knocked up and really just wants your money.” 

Before she even fully realizes what’s happening, (Y/N) feels Jamie’s hands on her cheeks, framing her face in warmth.

“Calm down, please. I promise it’ll be alright. My mum will love you, I know it. Probably more than she loves me. Actually no that’s a lie, but she will love you and she will love our baby. Promise.”

“She’s not gonna judge me for — you know. Getting pregnant even though we’re not dating or anything.” 

“My mum was married to my dad, worst person on planet Earth. Don’t think she’s in any position to judge you. It’ll be alright, trust me.” 

She hardly knows this man and yet she can’t help but do just that. Trust him.

The first thing (Y/N) notices about Georgie is her smile. A smile that is so familiar because it looks exactly like Jamie’s smile. Warm and radiant and true. A part of (Y/N) hopes that their baby inherits that same smile. Partially because it’s a really good smile and partially because maybe that could help Jamie realize that he is more than the sum of his father’s problems and mistakes. He is all his mother’s boy.

“Oh, I missed you, my baby.” 

Georgie wraps her arms around Jamie’s middle, getting swallowed by his frame for a moment. There’s no denying that part of (Y/N)’s heart breaks a little seeing how loving of a relationship these two have and wondering where she and her own mother went wrong.

And as it so happens with so many kids that have never been loved quite the way they deserved, (Y/N) can’t help but search for the problem in herself. 

“Yeah sorry for not visiting earlier. You know how it is with training and stuff.” 

“Don’t worry about it. I know my boy is busy being a star.” 

The words hold a slight mocking, never mean but in the way that only people who are close can tease each other. You know every word comes laced with deep affection, with pride, with love.

“And it’s so nice to meet you too. I’m Georgie.” 

It takes a second for (Y/N) to realize that Jamie’s mum is now talking to her directly.

“I uh — oh thank you. Nice to meet you too, I’m (Y/N).” 

Georgie smells like mint chewing gum and floral perfume as she pulls (Y/N) into a hug. She’s soft and gentle and it’s been the first hug from a mother (Y/N) has received in quite some time.

“Sorry, didn’t even ask if you’re a hugger.”

“Oh that’s alright, don’t worry about it.” 

She’s not a hugger, never really was, but there is something about Georgie granting her some affection that isn’t all that bad. Maybe their kid can have at least one grandmother who cares and who isn’t completely disgusted by the idea of showing any kind of positive emotions.

“Jamie never brings girlfriends around so I’m a bit out of my element here if I’m being honest.” 

“Mum we’re not — she’s not.” Jamie takes a big breath before starting again “(Y/N) and I are friends, yeah? Told you about it on the phone.” 

“Right, right. Well, you don’t bring around a lot of friends either so same difference, really. Now come inside will you, I’m sure we got a lot to catch up on.”

Oh if only she knew how true that sentiment really is.

There are pictures of Jamie staring back at (Y/N) from every corner of the house and Georgie leads them through the hallway and towards the kitchen. Every wall and every shelf holds a memory of him at one point in his life. Gap toothed with a football in hand smiling, surrounded by a field of tulips arm wrapped around his mother’s shoulder, his teenage self smoldering at the camera with an even more questionable haircut than the one he is sporting right now. Oh to be loved in a way that every past version of you is being remembered.

As they reach the kitchen a sweet scent fills the room when a man clad in an apron turns around and faces them with a huge smile playing on his face. He has a dorky kind of charm to him that immediately puts you at ease. Maybe it’s just the frilly apron, maybe it’s the big oven gloves, maybe it’s the smile. Either way, (Y/N) thinks that if they take the news well, her kid might have truly lucked out on one side of the grandparents department. 

“Jamie, welcome home.” 

“Hi Simon, thanks, mate. Glad to be back. This is (Y/N).” 

“The friend, right.” Simon says and shoots Georgie a look that neither of them misses. Subtlety doesn’t seem to be one of his best qualities. “It’s nice to meet you, (Y/N).”

“Nice to meet you too. It smells amazing in here.” 

“I found this new recipe for honey blondies. Not sure if they'll be any good but I guess we'll find out. If you guys want to go have a seat, I'll come bring them over.”

“Actually,” Jamie speaks up while nervously fiddling with his hands. “I was hoping we could have a talk before we do anything else. There’s something I need to tell you both.” 

Imagining the hypothetical scenario of telling your mum you’re having a baby and actually doing it really are two completely different things it seems. Gone is all of Jamie’s confidence and replaced with a whole lot of anxiety. 

“You're worrying me, Jamie. What has you acting so serious? Did you get someone pregnant or something?”

Georgie's words are followed by a thick awkward silence. It's heavy and suffocating and it makes (Y/N) feel uneasy in both her heart and her head.

It doesn't take long for Jamie’s parents to realize what his silence means. Everything communicated by not saying a single word.

“Oh, fuck.”

And there's nothing to add to Georgie's reaction. It's the exact same one (Y/N) had when she first saw those faint blue lines.

Of all the possible outcomes and ways this day could’ve gone, (Y/N) had not expected to find herself staring at not only a curly-haired Roy Kent but also come face to face with two very persuasive arguments belonging to no other than Keeley fucking Jones. 

“This is surreal.” 

The posters stare back at her all crinkled paper and bleached ink, as if to mock her silently. 

“Ah, well I told them to redecorate when I moved out, think they just haven’t gotten around to it yet.” 

A light dusting of pink settles on the apples of Jamie’s cheeks as well as the tips of his ears. This man can’t hide his emotions for the life of him. It’s quite adorable really. 

“Do they know?” 

“Does who know?” 

“Roy and Keeley. Do they know you have their pictures up in your room?”

“Well no and It’s not my room anymore, is it? ‘S not like I have ‘em hanging at home. Put these up ages ago.” 

A giggle slips through (Y/N)’s lips at his desperate attempt to talk himself out of this situation. 

“It’s okay, Jamie. I won’t tell.” 

“There’s nothing to tell, alright?” he responds in mock offense before sitting down on his childhood bed next to (Y/N). “Just liked boobs and football and those two were the best those fields had to offer, yeah? Can’t really blame me.” 

“Not much has changed has it?”

He shrugs his shoulders in response “Nah. Still like boobs and football but no way I’d put up a poster of granddad’s ugly mug nowadays.”

From the few times they talked about his job, including his teammates and coaches, (Y/N) was able to gather that Jamie’s relationship with Roy is something special. Odd, but special. Maybe that’s what happens when you end up working with your childhood idol. Either way, no matter how much shit he likes to talk about him, it’s clear that Jamie respects and admires Roy a great deal still.

“And uh — and Keeley?” 

“What about her?” 

“Is she — are you — how are things?” 

She still remembers that crestfallen look on his face on the day of the funeral. That infinite sadness in his eyes. She hadn’t put two and two together at that moment but later that night it all clicked. Keeley was the woman he was in love with, the woman who did not love him back. And while (Y/N) knows that she and Jamie are only bound together by happenstance and fate — if one chooses to believe in that, and that there is nothing romantic about their situation, it does sting a little to know that the man you’re having a baby with is in love with someone else.

“We’re good. We’re friends, think that’s all we’ll ever be. Her and Roy, they’re happy and I don’t want to ruin it for either of them. Keeley and I just were not right together.” 

“And you’re okay with that?” 

He nods his head, a small smile playing on his lips “Yeah, I’m alright with it. If I hadn’t made a fool of myself at the funeral then you and I wouldn’t have — you know, and then we wouldn’t be having a baby. Little Kidney Bean.” 

“That’s true. Your mum seemed excited.” 

“Hah, sorry about her. She can be intense.” 

Intense might be the understatement of the century. It took her approximately 2.3 seconds to get over the initial shock of the announcement and really process it before Georgie let out a scream of pure excitement and joy and wrapped both Jamie and (Y/N) up in her arms. She didn’t fully let go for a good 20 minutes. It was intense. It was also phenomenal.

“Don’t apologize. I am so glad she took it so well, Simon too. At least now I’ll have the certainty that my baby will have one set of loving grandparents at least.” 

“Hey,” Jamie says and nudges her shoulder with his “We’ll sort out telling your mum next, okay. I’m sure it’ll go better than you think. And if not we can always call up my mum for some more hugs and a pep talk. Whatever happens, you won’t have to do it alone. I promise.” 

For what is probably the first time in her life (Y/N) lets herself believe that there truly is someone else having her back, undisputedly and all the way. It’s unfamiliar. It’s a little scary. It’s also wonderful.

“Thanks, Jamie. I appreciate it, I really do. Think so far we’re doing alright, huh?” 

“I’d say so. Two sexy parents and a little Kidney Bean.” 

Their laughter echoes through Jamie’s childhood bedroom for quite a while longer until at some point it stills and gives room to soft breathing and quiet snores. The bed isn’t meant for two grown adults and really Jamie truly meant to sleep on the couch but somewhere between talks of baby clothes and childhood memories, eyes grew heavy and tired, and soon enough both of them are fast asleep.

Just them and their little Kidney Bean 

— and a curly-haired Roy Kent 

— and Keeley’s boobs.

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[dann-art]

I know that vampire chronicles aren't meant to be historical accurate. Like you read this and you know that all this events can happen in literally any time and space. Like really. The times doesn't really matter there, there are no nuances.

Listen, I'm not a historian, by any means. It's just like a hobby, but I have millions of them so I don't even learn that much.

Also I usually don't give a shit about accuracy in media, like whatever, until it's science do what you want, whatever suits your story

But sometimes it's time to say enough is enough.

So, we need to talk about Armands origin in Kievan Rus'. Okay, that's cool, we don't really explore it, but well whatever, at least we're not messing this up, right? Right?

While I was reading I ignored it. I was reading TVA in polish translation I thought like okay, names and nuances probably got lost in translation. It's a really bad translation tho.

But out of curiosity today I opened the book in English, because this was sticking in my head.

And it appears it wasn't translators fault.

So well, it's like kinda huge mistake. Like no one really checked it? But this book constantly claims that like Kievan Rus' was then in Russia. And suprise, suprise: that's simply not true. Well the term is kinda not right and can mean anything, like back it existed as state it was huge, but (judging on the mention of Kiev itself) that it was like somewhere in that area.

So I'll spare whole history, it's not relevant. We're stop around 1480's, when Armand was born (based on my calculations). And in that time the region was called Kiev Voivodeship (hope I got it right in english), and it was part of the Grand Duchy of Lithuania, and stayed there until 1569, when it passed to the Crown of the Kingdom of Poland (when the Polish-lithuanian commonwealth was created, but both countries were in union since early XV century)

So in the book we have some lines like this

Armand, bestie, I don't know how to break it to you, you're not russian. You never were. You've never lived in Russia (or back then I would use rather the name Moscow, but again I'm not a historian). More of a Ukrainian if so, but also not the world I would use. Most accurate would be rusyn (I think, or ruthenian???? I'm not sure how it works in English, anyway not russian).

Then we have this, and well... Oh boy. Something went really wrong with geography here. First of all, you've never been to Russia (or better say Principality of Moscow, like it wasn't even called Russia, from what I know, but i might be wrong).

So okay, Moscow and Novgorod were in part of Moscow indeed but Cracow!?!?!?? (Known also as my absolutely favourite city in the world). Like Cracow like Never ever has been a part of Russia. Okay, I get confusion with Kiev if you really really don't care about basic research. But Cracow???

Here's the map. Unfortunately it like administrative of Polish-Lithuanian commonwealth in 1619, but well you'll see my point. That doesn't make any sense

Cracow always was polish. Like it's our second capital. And look how far from Russia it is. Even during the partitions it goes to Austria not Russia.

Last thing I want to point out is this one

Like, man, maybe you speak russian, I do not doubt, like during travel to Moscow you could learn I guess.

I'm not entirely sure, but I guess the language there is ruthenian not russian. Like ruthenian is old language which is base for slavic languages such as Belarusian or Ukrainian. And what is also important it was not the language used in the Principality of Moscow, so it's definitely not russian.

Okay, thanks for reading if anyone is still there. I won't bore you any longer. It just was sitting in my head and I had to throw it out because we'll, basic research I guess.

[voidwizardwholikestheshadows]

How The JJK Boys Apologize

Warning: None but slightly angst

Includes; Gojo, Geto, Nanami, Toji, Sukuna and Inumaki

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Gojo: With Gojo, he’s super sweet but also sly about it. He would attempt to sweep you off your feet just like he did when you first met and started dating. He’s also pretty confident with his words. He wouldn’t ever want you actually mad at him so he would do everything within his power to make sure that you can forgive him. He doesn’t often slip up but there are times where he comes him and he still acts like Gojo aka The Strongest and not Satoru, your loving boyfriend. He can be pretty stubborn at times which can lead to arguments but you both apologize rather quickly to each other because Satoru is super clingy and needs you to need him. He always gives you your space and let’s you come back to him but that doesn’t mean he isn’t thinking about you and wanting to send you like a million messages saying sorry.

Geto: Geto is a hard one to figure out sometimes. He always feels bad whenever you get into arguments and it leaves one or both of you frustrated but he always tries his best to make it up to you in any way he can. Whether you just want to hang out inside and watch movies or go out for a fancy date, he’ll be there for you. Or if you just want to be left alone, he’ll respect that as well but will leave you a little note and slip it under your door. He always feels much worse if he can hear you crying in your room. He prefers to talk things out and try to understand your point of view so arguments aren’t a regular occurrence. He definitely cares so so much about you and like I said before is willing to do whatever you want to do for the day.

Nanami: Do you really think you’re getting into arguments with this man? He’s like the most respectful and understanding- oh alright, I’ll do it for the sake of it. Nanami is probably the sweetest out of everyone on this list when it comes to recognizing how you feel and if something he might say will make you upset. He’s good at what he does, I’ll just say that. Nanami is also super understanding when it comes to you trying to explain your side of things or your feelings after an argument. Much like Geto, he’s very willing to do whatever you want to do for the day if he feels he’s made a big enough mistake to hurt your feelings. Good with his words but prefers actions to words because he feels that they speak louder.

Toji: Toji is something else. First of all, he rarely thinks things are his fault and will rarely apologize or admit to making any mistakes. On the other hand, if he ever made you cry because of an argument, he’ll be there to consul you. Even without words, he’ll pull you close and just hug you for a while. He wasn’t raised to be able to openly express his emotions or even cry without his father calling him weak so he isn’t good with his words. He’ll cuddle with you and hold you close and if you decide to lock yourself in your room, he’ll even go out and buy you a gift, magic, right? In all seriousness, he cares about you quite a lot and while he isn’t great with words, he can show his care in other ways.

Sukuna: You think Sukuna would ever apologize or say something was his fault? He would much rather gaslight you into believing that you are actually at fault but for the sake of the prompt, I’ll try my best. Sukuna, just like Toji, isn’t the best at words. Nor is he good at comforting actions. In his defense, he is a curse now, his human days are long behind him and he definitely isn’t what he used to be. Not that he was nice in his past either. He’s definitely the type to buy you something and leave it in your room so he doesn’t have to confront you or explain his actions to you. He would rather you just take the gift and be grateful. He may never openly apologize or admit anything, but he’ll try to stay around you more which definitely counts for something.

Inumaki: You and Inumaki rarely have arguments over anything. You both are typically able to sort things out pretty easily. However, the biggest argument you two had was when he missed two movie nights because he was busy playing his stupid video games. You excused it the first time but after it happened the second time in a row, you were a little upset, to say the least. You tried to talk to him about it but it just ended in an argument that left you both feeling incredibly frustrated. Inumaki’s way of apologizing is more quiet than anything. He would get you gifts and try to hang out with you more. He did know how to phrase what he really wanted to say into words so he showed it in his actions. He truly loved and cared about you and hated seeing you upset, especially if it was because of him. He would make sure to make it up to you in the best way that he possibly can.

[mouwrites]

Hopefully requests are open and if they aren’t then please ignore my ask!! I would like to request if you could write a platonic ninjago x younger sibling!reader where the Reader is basically the crying child from fnaf? A crybaby, easily scared and clingy in a sense that they only feel safe with the ninja or their older brother, if you cant do this then you are free to ignore this ask, Have a very nice day/night or evening where you are!

Here you are my darling! I hope you have a lovely day/night too! :D

Ninjago - Ninjas With a Sensitive Little Sibling

Kai

He's already a protective older brother, but with you being so sensitive, he's ultra-protective

Even when people are being nice to you he's hovering carefully, making sure they don't do anything that might hurt you

Not that he really needs to hover; you usually stick to his side anyway

Maybe that's also why he gets worried when you're on your own, though... he's not used to not having you nearby

Whenever he's forced to leave you, he makes sure you're in good hands (i.e. with the other ninja) first

He knows you're sensitive, but he's still Kai; you're not escaping a little sibling conflict

Sometimes he gets annoyed when you follow him around too much, and he'll get all quiet

He knows why you do it, but that doesn't mean it doesn't irritate him a bit

There have been times during which he'd snap and tell you to go find someone else to follow around

If/when that makes you cry, though, he does a complete 180 turn

He crouches down to your level, smoothing your head and frantically telling you he didn't mean it

"Aw, Y/n, please don't cry! I didn't mean it..! Please don't cry!"

Then he'll give you a piggyback if you want it, entirely forgetting his earlier desire to be alone

Cole

He's also pretty protective, but he's more focused on your character and emotions than actually defending you from the world

What I mean is that he'll watch for when you're upset, and when you do get upset he'll take the opportunity to try and build a little character

He's super gentle and always supportive, of course, but at the same time he wants you to grow

So when you cry, he'll hug you until you're calm but then he'll try and talk it out with you

"What made you upset?" ... "Why do you think that upset you?" ... "How can we make sure that doesn't happen again?"

I think he's just really emotionally mature, and he'd want his little sibling to have that maturity, too

Of course, he doesn't force it on you; you're just a kid after all

But he tries to get you on the right path

He still gives you lots of affection though, and is always checking to make sure you're comfortable

When you have to separate, he does try to leave you with one of the other ninja, but if he can't he'll offer lots of reassurance that he'll be right back

He'll be so proud if you're able to be alone for a bit!!

All in all he's just super supportive regarding your needs, but also wants you to learn and grow

Jay

Out of all the ninjas, he coddles you the most

When someone makes you cry he's on them like a feral cat

Once he's satisfied that they've gotten what they deserved (or when they're done beating his ass 💀) he'll come to check on you

He's a little scatterbrained, so he doesn't always remember that you're fragile

Sometimes he'll accidentally make a backhanded comment or leave you all on your own

When he realizes his mistake he flies into a panic, especially if he's mid-mission and remembers that you're alone

He hates seeing you cry, and just the thought of it makes his stomach churn

He always gives you the tightest hug when he realizes his mistake/gets reunited with you, apologizing a million times

Honestly he's more upset about it than you are

Long after you've stopped crying, he's still apologizing (and probably crying a little himself)

Just call him a crybaby and he'll stop on the dot

He'll just stand up and furrow his brows

"Okay, I see how it is. I was all worried about my little Y/n and now they're making fun of me. I guess that's what I get!"

(You're both able to laugh about it, dw)

Zane

As has been established, he's not the most emotionally intelligent out of all the ninjas

Sometimes he struggles to know what he's feeling himself; your emotions are a whole other realm to him

That doesn't mean he can't tell when you're upset, though

Whenever you start to whimper or cry he's at your side in a second, holding your shoulder affirmingly

He's not always sure what to say, but if you want to hug him he'll hug you back

He'll patiently wait for you to calm down, then he'll try to understand why you were upset

"Um, do you know why... what... made you... cry..?"

Be patient with him, I promise he's trying 😭

He starts to learn after a while which things upset you most, and he starts to look out for them whenever you're with him

Whenever he spots one of those things, he's already hurrying to your side before you even start crying

He feels really proud whenever he's able to catch a fit before it happens :)

Honestly, as protective as he feels towards you, he sometimes wonders if you're better off with the other ninjas

You're just so emotional, and he feels like the other ninjas might understand you better

He actually sometimes looks to them to help calm you down

But ultimately he does prefer to be the one to help you, both because he feels responsible and because he loves you the most

Lloyd

He was a pretty rowdy kid when he was your age, so he has a little trouble understanding you

He was rude where you're sensitive, he was cruel where you're gentle... when he thinks of you compared to his younger self, it's like night and day

So he doesn't always catch things that might make you cry

(makes it a little hard to be protective when you don't know which things to be protective about...)

Only when someone else points them out, or when he hears your high-pitched whine, does he realize that you've been upset

He'll rub your back and try to calm you down, but honestly he's a little apprehensive

Like I said, he can't really relate, so he struggles to empathize

That doesn't mean he won't try, though

He'll give you a hug and tell you everything is fine, but he's not sure if he's actually being helpful

"Hey, hey, it's okay..! Here, give me a hug!"

He just feels really bad for you, especially because of this

He asks the others for advice sometimes, trying to understand what it might've been like to be a kid who spent more time being afraid and gentle than trying to be tough and evil

They always assure him that he's doing a great job, with him being so great at showing kindness already

He still doubts himself, and he probably always will, but he'll never stop trying to be there for you

Nya

If you were anyone else's sibling, or just a random kid, Nya would absolutely coddle you

She'd be the most protective person ever, always at your side, ready to defend you from the world

But since you're a Smith...

Sorry, you're getting none of that

She'll never berate you or anything, but every time you start to have a breakdown, she tries to get you to toughen up a little

"Come on, my Y/n, dry those tears. It's not that bad. I'm here."

She'll still be hugging you anyway while she says this

The way she sees it, Kai can do the babying, and she can do the actual teaching

Though she can't help the distaste she feels whenever Kai treats you like a baby

She's talked to him before about getting you to grow up a little, and he does agree that you can't always be this sensitive

From then on they work together to find the balance between comforting you and toughening you up

(Kai still does most of the comforting and Nya still does most of the toughening)

She knows what it's like to be the "weaker" sibling, and she doesn't want that for you–not now, not ever

She'll even give you fighting lessons if it makes you feel stronger :D (tbh she probably will anyway)

Thank you so much for this request! And thanks for reading, take care sweet duckies <33

(divider by saradika)

[angelwings-crossbowstrings]

It’s Alright, It’s Okay

Pairing: Daryl Dixon x fem!reader {Could be platonic but that’s not where my brain was}

Setting: Alexandria era

Warnings: Mentions of self harm, struggles with mental illness

Summary: You accidentally allow Daryl to see your scars.

A/N: Yesterday sucked for me for a million different reasons. This is really a way for me to vent more than anything. I’ve never done a y/n before so I’m sorry if I screw it up. No beta, all mistakes are cause I suck.

*gif is not mine

“I got the dishes!” You volunteered, probably a little too cheerfully, before collecting the empty plates from the coffee table and shuffling along to the kitchen. You had a dining table but it had never seen a single use.

It had been a rather uneventful day in Alexandria, for which you were thankful. That meant no one had died just trying to complete what used to be mundane tasks for everyday living. Now, since the world had gone to shit, everything was a risk. Just scrubbing the sauce from those dishes could somehow very well lead to your demise. Regardless, you rolled up your sleeves and ran the water.

Daryl had brought home a deer earlier in the day. It was a large buck that would feed the town for a while if the meat was rationed properly. He had been given his own portion, as per usual, for being responsible for the kill. The archer had used the meat grinder in the kitchen at his and Carol’s place, meaning, of course, that Carol had offered and he had shrugged while sharpening a knife.

You had chosen that moment to knock on their door. The silver-haired woman had shown you a cookie recipe but the pantry was out of an ingredient. Carol usually had the things you needed or would at least know something you could substitute.

“Oh, man! My sister used to make venison spaghetti!” You had commented while she had stepped away to get what you needed. You had half a box of angel hair pasta and a can of sauce at your place. “Hey, Dixon?” You continued when he hummed in acknowledgment, “think I could steal just a little of this to make some?”

He had stared at you for a moment before giving a nod. In your excitement, you had thrown him an invite to share the meal just as Carol returned and handed over the ziplock bag with the ingredient you needed for the cookies.

“Alright.” He drawled, sheathing the knife he had been working with.

You quickly invited Carol as well, realizing what you had done, but she smiled knowingly and shook her head. You had at least waited until you were on their porch before slapping a palm to your forehead and calling yourself an idiot.

Still, dinner had gone over without a hitch, even if you did sit side by side on the couch with your plates on your laps. You had laughed when he’d tip back his head to dangle the end of the noodles over his mouth so he could descend the forkful carefully. He had even chuckled when you had dropped half a bite onto your shirt when trying to mimic his actions. It had really been…nice.

Now you stood in your kitchen, rinsing the dishes and placing them in the strainer. You hadn’t heard him enter, but you rarely did. The man moved like a ghost for someone his size.

“S’that from?” His sudden inquiry from just behind you had startled you enough to send the plate clattering into the sink. It didn’t break, thank goodness.

“What’s what from?” You replied, casting him a brief glance before you continued your task. The last dish was quickly rinsed and placed with the others.

“Them scars.”

You were drying your hands on a towel when you suddenly stilled. Fuck. The pale, raised imperfections stood out starkly on your forearms and you instantly felt nausea creeping up your throat, burning at the back of your tongue. “Oh, that’s nothing.” You dropped the towel and quickly started to roll down your sleeves.

But he was faster.

His calloused fingers felt rough against your skin in contrast to his gentle grip around your wrist. You felt electric pulses centering from where he was touching you, but the shame erupting from within you wouldn’t allow you to dwell on how right that felt.

Tears were already forming on your lashes as he studied the myriad of scars littering your arm from wrist to elbow. Some were larger or more jagged than others, but each one contained a story of your past; a hurt you inflicted upon yourself to cope with the hurt done to you by someone else.

“Don’t look like nothin’ to me.”

You had never heard him speak so softly and it made you feel that much worse. Daryl Dixon was anything but soft. For him to pity you must mean you were a real piece of work.

“Please,” you begged, your bottom lip quivering. You were barely holding yourself together. “Just…leave it.”

Those striking blue eyes left your arm to focus on your face. You quickly looked away, lest he see how pathetic you were. He released you and took a step back.

“Thanks for dinner, Y/N.”

You nodded and tried to smile, but never met his gaze before you heard the front door close. You sat on the kitchen floor and cried for hours, finally dragging yourself to the couch a few hours before you’d have to be up for the start of another day.

Months passed by and things changed, as they often did. You started to find Daryl sitting on your porch steps, cleaning his crossbow or tinkering with some motorcycle part. Most days, you just offered him a greeting and went on your way. Some days, when you were feeling brave or especially curious, you would ask about his weapon. His replies were always short and gruff but never rude or angry.

Eventually, this became the norm. You started bringing him water or lemonade, sitting with him while you drank your tea. Conversations were never lengthy but enough to ensure any silence was comfortable. You started to miss him when he was gone for runs or recruiting. Then you’d open your door one morning to find him perched in what you had long ago deemed ‘his spot’ and the smile that would grace your features was unbidden yet genuine.

One warm summer evening, while you sat together on the top step, your head was laid against his shoulder while his arm was draped around yours. The first time you had tried to lean on him, he had flinched so hard that he had dropped the water glass and you had apologized profusely while cleaning up the mess. At some later point, you both had started dropping your walls, bit by bit, and now here you were.

Still, even with the contentment you found in each other's company, something lingered.

“Daryl?”

“Hmm?”

You could feel him move and knew he was looking down toward where your temple rested against the front of his shoulder. “I’d like to tell you about it now,” you paused for a breath, “if you still want to know.” You waited for him to ask what you were talking about but, as he tended to do, the archer surprised you.

“Ya can tell me if ya wanna talk ‘bout it. Ya don’t hafta though.”

You smiled to yourself but it faded just as quickly. “I did it to myself.” You took another deep breath before continuing, keeping your eyes on the stars in the distant sky. “My life was hard even before the end of the world. I couldn’t cope with the things that happened to me…that were done to me… so I’d find something sharp—” you heard and felt his breath hitch but you couldn’t stop now. “I’d use anything at first. Anything that could make a cut. Eventually I started using a razor blade.” You just let the words tumble out, feeling a tear slide down your cheek. You hadn’t even realized you were crying. “Everything just hurt so bad and it was the only way I could handle it all. It was the only thing that kept the pain at bay. I know it doesn’t make sense but I just… I needed…”

You felt Daryl shift and quickly found yourself pressed against his chest, his arm around your back while his other hand pressed against the back of your head. He had hugged you before but this? This was different. He didn’t say anything but you already knew that he wasn’t good with words, especially when it came to expressing emotion. So he was offering you this comfort.

And you accepted it without a second thought, crying hard while your hands fisted the material of his leather vest. The more you trembled, the tighter he held you. It was as if he was trying to keep you from shaking apart but somehow you knew that even if you did, he would pick up the pieces and put you together again.

After a long while, your tears had all but stopped, leaving you a sniffling, tired mess in his arms. He didn’t seem to care but had loosened his hold slightly and was rubbing small circles over your back while you collected yourself.

Now came the shame. “I’m sorry.” You managed quickly while you pulled away from him. His hands hovered for a moment like you would fall apart again any moment but he soon let them fall onto his knees.

“What for?”

You could see him trying to catch your gaze from the corner of your eye as you wiped angrily at your face. “I know what I did was stupid.”

“It weren’t stupid, Y/N.” Daryl said softly. You remembered when he had used that same softness when he had first seen the proof of your self mutilation. You nodded but didn’t say anything for a while. Eventually, you went back to staring at the stars, even though you could feel him still staring at you.

“I don’t hate them, you know.” You finally said. With a sigh, you braved a glance at him. He was still watching you, expression unreadable but not hard. “My scars.” Daryl nodded for you to continue. “I had a lot of battles and they are proof of that but… I won.” You looked away and shrugged with a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. “I’m still here.”

“M’glad.” He replied quickly, drawing your gaze back to him. “That you’re still here.”

You smiled again. It was small but this time, it was genuine. “Me too.” You watched each other for a few moments and you couldn’t help but notice him draw his bottom lip in between his teeth to gnaw at it. As you opened your mouth to ask if he was okay, he pushed himself off the step to stand.

“C’mon.” Daryl jerked his head toward your front door. Your brow knitted in confusion but you stood and crossed the small distance to the door.

“Daryl?”

“I wanna show ya somethin’.” He answered when his name had barely left your lips. Daryl reached in front of you to pull open the screen door and motioned for you to enter first. You could hear the deep, steadying breath he took as he followed you inside and began closing your door. “Ya trusted me with yours. I wanna trust ya with mine.”

[slytherinshua]

THE NIGHT WHERE IT ENDED

genre. vampire au. angst. little bit of fluff. warnings. guns. vampires fighting against humans. a lot of blood. death. kinda half proofread half not. pairing. vampire!hanbin x vampire!reader. ft. vampire!zhanghao, vampire!seungwoo (x1/victon/solo), and vampire!sejeong (ioi/gugudan/solo). wc. 3.7k. request. @blue-jisungs begged me to write pt 2 but i think she's regretting that decision now skjdksd oops. a/n. i'm sorry for this fic okay like srsly i'm sorry 😭😭😭 divider by @/sweetparty.

read part 1 here

“Why are you restless, my love?” Hanbin asked softly as he wrapped his left arm around your shoulder, the fabric of his robe draping over your skin and shielding you from the cool night breeze.

“I think we are making a mistake, Hanbin.” You said quietly. Hanbin could feel the weight of your words despite how vague they were. He tilted his head and focused his crimson eyes on you, attempting to read your thoughts. 

The skill was challenging to use on other vampires. You were neither human nor a recently turned vampire, so your thoughts were safely hidden from most. The connection of your souls made it easier for Hanbin to get in, though. And when he did, gathering a few more pieces of information about what was bothering you, he knew you were probably right. 

“You mean about humans?” His hand slowly rubbed over your arm, a simple tranquillity spell dispersing from his fingertips. This, unlike the mind reading, was something he could do without any effort. He often used it on you when he could, to help calm you in any way. You always noticed when he did, and he knew you appreciated the gesture by the look in your eyes. The same happened now, as he felt your body slowly relax in his hold. 

“They are coming into the age of technology— progressing at a rate faster than we’ve ever seen before. The elders have grown foolish. They have not seen the outside world for themselves in hundreds of years. They still think humans are weak and easy.” You explained the things that Hanbin knew very well. As merely a short thousand years old or a little more, both of you were at the front of missions and leading forces. Being young and able-bodied yet skilled enough to face almost anything, there was little left to improve on.

“Their guns have grown more powerful. So have their bombs. They are no longer scared, weak, foolishly mortal beings who run around with pitchforks and torches. They have weapons causing damage that not even the best of spells could hope to remedy. I’ve explained this all to the elders, but they won’t listen to my suggestions. They don’t believe me.” You said in defeat, faced with an impossible task.

Never before had you seen your fellow vampires die so quickly. Bullets seared through their bodies faster than the wind, and it only took a couple to knock a vampire unconscious. It was only a matter of time before the wounds killed them. The simple truth you were faced with was almost impossible to accept.

Humans were growing stronger than vampires. Despite their weak bodies, their propensity for fear, their stupidity, or their short life-spans. The advantage they had over vampires was constant adaptation and invention. You could barely name a change in the castle in 800 years, but the changes to the human world were endless. And each one was more impressive than the last.

Diseases that had once killed millions were being researched and prevented, a problem of the past for humans. Modern technology in the form of telephones, space travel, and computers aided in all facets of human life. It was simply astonishing how fast the world could change. Vampires simply had no way to keep up, you realized.

“It will take time for them to come around, but they will. When they see for themselves how many we’ve lost— how we are no longer overpowering humans tenfold. They will surely change their course of action then.” Hanbin words soothed your worried heart. You felt foolish for wanting to believe every word that came out of his mouth, but it felt like second nature. You just hoped he was right.

“This is it?” You asked, glancing at Hanbin from across the table to catch his nod. On the marble surface lay a large rifle, one that had single-handedly taken out 3 of your vampires that evening with just 5 bullets. 

It had been several months since your worry had started, and you realized now that you had vastly underestimated how quickly humans improved. What once took 10 or more bullets to fatally injure a vampire now decreased to just 1 or 2. If this is what humans could do in just a few months, what more developments could they introduce in 10 years?

“They’ve developed this model for the past couple of months to specifically target our weaknesses. They must have studied one of our men to know that silver bullets would be more deadly than anything else. When aimed at our hearts, it’s very easy to kill a vampire with just 1 shot.” Hanbin said wearily, his expression growing dim like yours.

“For the first time ever, they’re killing us faster than we’re turning them.” You muttered, trying to not let the thought terrify you. It could easily mean the extinction of vampires within a short hundred years.

You turned to the elders who you were consulting about the issue, studying their pale faces. Seungwoo looked stone faced, which you expected. He was one of the few elders who knew about the situation, as he often went out into the human world, disguising himself as one of them. As the most advanced healer among the clan, he had tended to many of the injured fighters in the past months. He was familiar with the damage the weapon could do, and the number of vampires that had been lost to its deadly silver bullets. 

Zhang Hao looked surprised, and maybe even a little bit scared at the news. His eyes were wide, but he kept his face as stoic as possible. He was one of the most powerful vampires concerning spells. His magic was strong and his knowledge was vast. He knew ancient rituals and was able to create entirely new incantations by studying old texts. You respected his opinion on the issue, and was sure he would be able to advise how to train the younger vampires with protective charms.

You skipped past the dozen or so council member elders, and turned finally to Sejeong, watching her face twist in anger. She never failed to lead the vampires expertly, but her temper was a cause of concern for you. She held grudges against the humans more personally than Hao or Seungwoo. She had often been at the front of the battlefield hundreds of years ago, and she had seen no shortage of vampire bloodshed. Under her reign there had been centuries of peace, as she wisely chose to not engage with the humans unless necessary. Now that they were actively seeking out her citizens, though, she wasn’t willing to let it slide. 

You could predict many possible outcomes from this. Sejeong’s ruling might result in peace once again, or in a war that no one would be able to survive. It was your duty to trust and follow her every command, operating on her word to the best of your abilities, but you had never experienced such high risks. You were worried you might not make it out of this battle, or worse, that Hanbin would face death with you.

The 3 elders you had watched expectantly, having been the very 3 to conjoin yours and Hanbin’s souls, were well aware of the risks. Vampire souls were not naturally supposed to meld together, and although you and Hanbin were perfectly matched, your joining still faced consequences. If one of you died, it was likely that the other would not be able to survive alone. Whenever you called to one another through your tattoos, you had to bear the burning sensation that came from using such power. If one of you was in pain, the other experienced it too. There was never a burden that could be held by just one person. You and Hanbin were a pair, and you simply could not be separated. 

It was back in Hanbin’s tower after the meeting that you voiced your concern. After Sejeong decided on facing the problem head on, just as you expected, and it was only a matter of days before you would be sent out to attack.

“I think it would be best if we stuck together at all times. If you get out of my sight, I won’t know if you’re safe.” You said quietly, biting the inside of your cheek in worry. Hanbin walked across the room, joining you on the couch, lacing his hand with yours. 

“I won’t go anywhere without you, even if it means disobeying the elders' orders. We don’t know what could happen to our souls if one of us gets hurt. We’re meant to be together, not apart.” You continued, meeting Hanbin’s crimson eyes with yours. 

He nodded, “Whatever you wish.” He squeezed your hand reassuringly.

“I should close the curtain. The sun is coming up.” You kissed his cheek and stood up to do so. Hanbin’s eyes watched you as you walked across the room and drew the blinds. He leaned back against the sofa, gaze still fixed on you as you shuffled through the bookcase on the wall, picking up a history book about ancient vampire civilizations. He could see the anxiety in your eyes, and he felt a twist in his stomach, mirroring yours.

“Calm down, Y/n. We’ll be alright, no matter what happens.” Hanbin said. He motioned for you to put down the book and come back to his arms. “Stop worrying about me. I’ll be fine. I won’t get hurt. I promise I won’t.” He whispered to you, a comforting smile on his face.

You wondered how he could always be so sure and confident. You were constantly riddled with worries, but, like always, Hanbin assured you, easing your anxiety with his words or his spells. You could feel his magic work on you as he wrapped his arms around you, and you instantly felt at peace.

You stayed in his arms until the sun had fully risen, savouring the quiet moments while you still could. There would be no spare moment to relax once the full moon came. You couldn’t ask for him to keep the calming spell going all day, but for as long as you were in his arms, you allowed yourself to let him take your mind off of everything.

You even managed to fall asleep from how comfortable you were cuddled in his hold. When you woke up and looked up at him, his eyes had fallen shut as well, but you could tell he was only dozing. Beads of sweat had gathered on his forehead from how long he had been casting the spell. Even though it was a fairly easy one that he had mastered centuries ago, keeping it going for hours at a time still took an extreme amount of energy.

You kissed his cheek, watching as his eyes opened slowly. He smiled and wiped his dewy skin, sitting up slowly. You felt the spell wear off as Hanbin relaxed his shoulders, and the thoughts flooding your head came back immediately. A sigh left your lips. You couldn’t ask him to keep it going for any longer. You felt guilty for how long he had been doing it already, knowing just how exhausting it must have been.

“You didn’t have to do that for so long.” You whispered, standing up from his lap and circling around to the back of the couch. You unclasped the outer cloth of his long robe, leaving just the tunic and pants he was wearing. Your hands fell to his neck and shoulders, slowly starting to massage the muscles, working out the knots he had developed. 

His eyes fell shut, a pained whine escaping his lips from the sensation. He was always so focused on taking care of you, he rarely noticed when his own body was suffering. He felt relieved as the pain slowly subsided with the help of one of your healing spells, the touch of your fingers over his bare skin becoming softer.

Your fingers lingered on the side of his neck when you were done, circling the pads of your pointer and middle finger over his pulsepoint, feeling the faint beating of his heart. It was slower in pace than humans, but it was still felt from the touch of your finger. 

The life of vampires relied on magical powers (and a constant supply of blood) over bodily function. In his life as a human, Hanbin’s heart had been the most vital organ to his survival. But now, keeping his body healthy so his powers flowed freely was of equal importance. The two were still intertwined, a constant balance was the key to being a powerful vampire. Poor bodily function translated to weakened power. The fact that you could still hear Hanbin’s heart clearly was a testament to his abilities. It would take an extraordinary force to weaken him to the point of death, and that thought comforted you.

You had seen many conflicts in your lifetime, mostly human wars of which vampires were no part of. But it was an entirely different feeling standing at the front of the battleline in the dead of night, preparing your strongest spells, knowing you were vastly outnumbered by the enemy’s army. 

Hanbin was by your side, his finger still barely grazing your hand, trying to get as much strength from you before the fight started. Fear filled both of your body’s, but a strong determination overpowered it. The risk was immense, but you needed to win. You would come out of it alive, no matter what.

The explosions were deafening, ringing in your ears at ten times the intensity that they sounded to humans. It was dizzying, and you could barely keep track of the spells you were casting. They seemed to be working well enough to defend yourself, as any man who charged at you soon found himself in a pool of his own blood on the grass. 

You weren’t sure how long you had been fighting, or how many more men you could hold off. It felt like they just kept coming. You had never used this much power all at once, but you couldn’t stop even for a second. It couldn’t go on forever, right?

There was no big explosion, nor were any human soldiers in range to hurt you. You weren’t in the line of gunshots. There was no possible way a grenade could have reached you without you noticing it. So why did you suddenly feel such excruciating pain?

Hanbin. Where was Hanbin?

The smoke on the battlefield hindered the humans from seeing, but you were effortlessly able to clear a path. It was easy to find Hanbin— you always came back to him without even thinking. You knew where he was immediately, and your legs carried you to him in an instant. 

His eyes looked scared as they met yours. He was on his knees, surrounded by the men he had taken out, their blood soaked on his skin and clothes. The crimson of his eyes had faded, suggesting his weakening state. You couldn’t tell what blood was his, but you could tell that he was losing it fast. 

“Hanbin— get up. Get up, please.” You grabbed his arm in a panic, pulling him up to his feet and supporting his body on yours as you quickly found a sheltered spot to let him sit.

“What happened? Why are you hurt— you said you wouldn’t get hurt.” You cried, holding a bloody palm to your tattoos, trying to summon a healing spell. Hanbin was barely breathing; struggling to stay conscious for you.

After hours of fighting, your power had grown weak. The pain you experienced, mirroring the injuries on Hanbin’s body, also prevented you from conjuring the spell. You gave up trying to get it from the source, realising that it wouldn’t work in your current state. Instead, you placed your hands on Hanbin’s chest, your fingers touching the ink on his collarbone. You closed your eyes tightly, mustering as much strength as you could to reach his body. His tattoos flickered, wanting to shine brightly from your touch, but unable to summon enough power for it.

He gasped, air flooding his lungs again. His eyes watered from the pain, and he instinctively tried to push your hands away, although he knew that they were what was still keeping him alive. The blood loss was driving his body and mind crazy; the need, the thirst for it, overwhelming. You realized what was going on from just his face, the unmistakable sign of a bloodthirsty vampire flashing in his faint eyes. 

“Take mine.” You said quickly, pushing your garment to the side, exposing your neck to him. 

“N-no, I can’t.” He whispered, terrified at the thought of hurting you.

“Please. You’ll die.” You begged, your voice laced with desperation. Strangely, you had no fear. You didn’t care about how much it would hurt, or if it would drive you bloodthirsty as well. You just needed him to survive.

Due to his weak state, you were able to overpower him. You forced his mouth open in desperation, revealing the sharp fangs on his top row of teeth. He cried, having no strength to stop you. He would rather die than risk causing you harm. 

Hanbin submitted to your wishes, knowing that if he didn’t comply with biting you, you would find a different, more dangerous way to give him your blood. He sunk his fangs weakly into your neck and forced himself to suck. The taste of your blood trickling down his throat instantly curbed the insatiable need for it. You cried out in pain, feeling your strength wither as your blood left you. The sound broke Hanbin’s heart, icy tears falling from his eyes.

The taste of your blood was sweet and warm, but Hanbin refused to enjoy a single drop of it. As soon as he felt a fraction of his strength coming back, he used it to push you off of him. 

You looked back at him and the entire world seemed to disappear. The fight was still ongoing behind you, but no shouts or explosions reached your ears. His eyes slowly gained back their colour, flickering to yours and softening. With tear stains on his cheeks and blood splattered across his face and neck, he reached for you gently, hesitantly. Almost too hesitant to be quite like him. 

“I hurt you.” He said in anguish, his eyes unable to leave the wound on your neck. “Why did you let me hurt you?” He searched your face for an answer, and it stared right back at him. Losing him would be more painful to you than any wound, even if he was the one who gave it to you. He could hurt you, wound you, or even kill you, and you would still give yourself up to him without needing to think.

Vampires always felt cold, but Hanbin’s touch felt exceptionally gelid when it reached your cheek. He looked gaunt, his exhaustion evident even after he had gotten some strength back. You needed to get him to safety, somewhere where skilled healers could tend to him. His eyes looked scared. Not scared of the battle, but scared of himself and what he had done to you.

“You could never hurt me. Just please stay alive.” You whispered, holding his bloodied hand. His eyes still naturally drew back to your neck, shaky breaths leaving him as he processed your words and nodded weakly. 

He bent to kiss you with the energy he had, the action portraying a million thoughts and feelings. You felt him crumble in your arms, his body giving out on him as his lips touched yours. You held him steady, supporting his neck so his head didn’t fall. His eyelids drooped, and with a trembling breath you realized the carmine colour of his eyes was fading again.

“No, no— Hanbin, please.” Your hands fumbled, trying to think of what to do. You simply had no power left to give to him. Your hand slipped to his waist, trying to readjust him into a better position. That’s when you felt the warm liquid on your hand. 

The wound must have been from a bullet, you deduced quickly. No other weapon that humans possessed could have caused him to bleed so much. The bullet had pierced him in merely half a second, lodging itself in his side. It was a wonder how such a small piece of silver could do so much damage to a vampire as powerful as Hanbin. He was dazed, the feeling of you pressing on the wound to try to stop the bleeding the only sensation he could discern.

Shouts grew louder in your ear. Although you had found a hidden space away from the battle, you were still exposed to danger. You stood carefully, pulling Hanbin up with you. Your only hope now was to get him back to safety as quickly as possible. His soul was still clinging to the bit of energy you had given him, but you wouldn’t have much time before it ran out completely. 

He stumbled as he rose to his feet, doing his best to support his own weight. He would have fallen back into your arms if something hadn’t hit him quicker. A small piece of silver, not more than 2 centimetres, seared straight through his chest, and a gasp fell from his lips.

You heard the shot. You felt it too, in the middle of your chest, a scathing pain spreading up your neck. You failed to catch Hanbin in time before he fell. 

It was over. You knew you had failed. Your options were expended and your time running out. Dropping to the ground as well, you clung to his body. With no energy left to fight, much less save him, you accepted the loss. Closing your eyes, you gathered him in your arms and pressed a kiss to his forehead as if you were comforting a small child.

It was a send off, of sorts. A last goodbye, and a testament to your love. He took his final breath, cradled safe in your arms, protected from the world. After all he had given for you, he deserved to rest comfortably. 

As his soul perished, you felt yours fading as well. He was taking you with him, knowing you could never live apart from him. Intertwined in every way, even until death. That was the fate you and him shared.

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[watchfuldeer]

as part of his eulogy for logan, ewan says: “he was mean, and he made but a mean estimation of the world and he fed a certain kind of meagreness in men. perhaps he had to because he had a meagreness about him and maybe i do about me too”. he connects them via this meagreness, a metaphorical lack of something in their spirits as the brothers roy, but it can also used to mean a physical lack, thinness, which i think is relevant both to ewan’s lifelong fear of and disgust with excess, and greg’s void of hunger for everything he was ever denied.

ewan was only five when had to take on the role of his four year old brother’s parent and protector, all alone, the only protection logan had against adults who hurt them. they were physically abused by their uncle noah, and if logan was whipped with such force as a child that the scars were still visible in his 80s, then i don’t doubt that ewan had scars of his own.

if you viciously beat a child, if you deprive a child of love and comfort, if you make children kill animals as ewan and logan were made to, they will be traumatised, but they won’t express it in the same way. ewan’s response was to become strict with himself, and strict with others. in 1.05, logan accuses ewan of never eating even a blueberry without first checking it against the ledger - the same episode where ewan doesn’t let greg eat anything for a period of about 24 hours. ewan’s life is one of forced asceticism and self-denial as penance, and is characterised by a profoundly sad inability to connect emotionally with his grandson, and by inference his daughter marianne, and quite probably his wife, who has been dead for many years judging by the framing of ewan, marianne and greg as a family unit of just three from greg’s childhood onwards. the life of abstinence he leads is further entrenched by his repulsion towards logan’s excesses as a capitalist, a media tycoon, political opportunist, and as a destructive force in the natural world via those identities. ewan says there is an argument to be made that logan is worse than hitler, and he is completely and utterly serious about it.

he wears a hair shirt of his own and others’ sins. in an attempt to compensate for the meagreness he feels within and his inability to love his family as he should, he devotes himself to saviour-type social causes, especially environmentalism. ewan views himself as having stewardship over the natural world, a domain he can defend (and demand others defend) through giving up their material desires as a means to attain moral purity. but crucially, ewan’s austerity is a response to a traumatic childhood defined by poverty, abuse and neglect, and when he makes the same demands of his daughter and grandson, by forcing them to live on an artificial breadline despite having millions, he enacts poverty, abuse and neglect on them. marianne and greg profoundly resent ewan for denying them a comfortable upbringing that was always within reach. ewan has enough self-awareness to realise that he made mistakes with his own family, but he is tragically unable to grasp the enormity of the damage he inflicted.