#but I’d like to go back to college | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thepathtoperfection2 · 1 month

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Not me casually having a mental breakdown in the middle of the night because the person I adore most in the world hates me

#so sad #boo hoo #I fucking hate life #I’d soooo make an attempt…#but I’d like to go back to college #And maybe see her again?#bpd favorite person #actually bpd #bpd feels #bpd fp #bpd stuff #bpd vent

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dimsilver · 10 months

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#went to my old college to speak to some high school students about journalism and the school and my job after #and it was so great :)#they were an attentive and fun group #and THEN my journalism professor asked me if I’d considered going to grad school and coming back to teach as an adjunct??#I’m so honored :)#idk if I’ll do that but I’d definitely consider it #I like school and love teaching #though I’m happy with my journalism job at the moment

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americanrecord · 2 months

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hey Kelsey!! I’m just catching up on the Californian motel series that u sent over and I’m currently reading the chapter “feel the void”

wow. what a heavy chapter,, i read the words ‘call izzy’ and SOBBED this is the last thing i was expecting but as always your writing is so beautiful and so respectful - hope your okay and cannot wait for when you release your book!

#submission #replying in tags because it’s a submission but —#that was such a terrible chapter to write lol! i scrolled through it briefly and i remember sitting in the kitchen of my college apartment #& i had the place to myself for the weekend so i cranked out this and the chapter before it #and i remember specifically with feel the void - i was like sweating while writing it #it was very intense! even for me! because it was a scene i would’ve been envisioning for like 3 years at that point #and the book was so drastically different from what i envisioned when i developed this plot (which was actually before i even wrote RQ) but #the scene was still something like what i’d always pictured even if it was so dark and nauseating #i did try my best to be careful and respectful and not graphic however!! i always felt like letting implications do the heavy lifting for #this sort of stuff was always the way to go #so glad you’re enjoying it & apologies in advance for the misery fest of king nothing #sorry that i left it on such a terrible note #i sometimes wish i could go back to it but i don’t think i could do it on good conscious anymore #or bc of how my writing has developed #also i’m doing well!! just busy and trying to push suicide blonde into something publishable <3 #thanks for your support !! 🩶#✉︎ — confessions.#save

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arthur-r · 7 months

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falling asleep worked i did it for three hours. now what i’m still tired i just also wasted the day and looked stupid to my roommate….

#like im glad i slept but also. same problems as before #although my french teacher emailed me back said i should go to office hours. which is a proper response to my email #wikipedia guy texted me back with details like an hour after i texted but also like two or three hours ago #gonna settle the score by bringing a $20 bill tomorrow then i won’t feel so weird and guilty #but no i feel so fucking stupid and gross for like. i was crying so close to my roommate so i had to fall asleep #or else i’d be standing up with tears in my eyes next to my roommate which is worse #but i just. i dont know. like he thinks i’m just lazy. i’m always asleep i never tell him why #i dont know. good morning i hope everyone is doing well #there are two people i usually get dinner with and one is out of town and the other i think his parents are here and also things are weird #translation things aren’t weird i’m just weird and feel guilty for being such a weird person #anyway i just. college?? what am i doing here????#i talked to my mom this morning she says that she felt the same way during college and that she should have dropped out way earlier #which. not helpful?? what do i do after i drop out?? i am someone who can’t hold a normal part time job and my only HOPE is ending up being #i mean anything really just something that requires a lot of prior experience!!#and the college is paying me really good to go to school but only if i stay full time #so i cant just lower my course load because that will actually make everything worse instead of better #idk. going to french teachers office hours tomorrow and will figure out time for linguistics teacher too and will get my LIS grade back up #(that one is just simple that one is i missed two discussion posts but there are ten more to come and also tests and stuff. i’ll be ok)#idk. and i still want to go to my LIS teachers office hours and ask how he became professor of rare books print culture and information bias #that is a good set of things to be a scholar for. and he’s curating collections at the same time as being my teacher #so idk. professors don’t seem as stupid and uppity as they used to. and i think i want to do that someday #plus with the salary jump from librarian i can feasibly become a major donor to local libraries to keep that influence around shdhdf #(although. if i get paid by the school (!!) to get a phd in print culture who says i don’t become a fancy librarian with that??)#i dont know. this is so stupid because i get so excited about the prospects and then i go back to the present and i’m flunking out of school #my grades haven’t been this bad since the height of COVID i thought something about me had gotten better but apparently not #like literally who went and made me traumatized?? why did you have to do that?? now i can’t be a normal person?? shut up!!!!#idk. just feel like if i weren’t having panic attacks about the fact that people are safe and kind here (and therefore must be hiding their #true intentions and taking advantage of me) then maybe i would have remembered to take my french test #idk. i’m tired and want to go home. sorry for venting all day i hope everyone is doing okay #vent cw

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azufres · 9 months

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got accepted into a math class (into two, actually). I will write a THANK YOUUU note to my professor tomorrow morning. and I won’t forget.

#i’d do it now but i just got back from all-you-can-eat sushi #and feel like I’m going to throw up #I WON’T FORGET TO DO THIS TOMORROW #and then i have to catch up with what I’ve missed😭#BUT OK. IVE GOT THIS. I AM OFFICIALLY A COLLEGE STUDENT #gonna play pokemon before bed…#daily life of the nerd

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quibbs126 · 1 year

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I’m a failure

#came back from math test #bombed it even harder than the last one #and I got a 48 on that one #I could barely understand what I had to do #or like I knew the first half of how to do something but not the second #and it’s not that I don’t understand the material I got it perfectly fine when we went over it in class #but I’m too goddamn lazy and don’t pay enough attention in class anymore for me to retain it #there’s options everywhere for me to get better as well #I just don’t take it because I’m too lazy #because I’d rather spend time thinking about Cookie Run and drawing stuff for it #and I’m doing horribly in all my classes because of it #I’ve barely turned in any homework this semester and we’re at least halfway through #like why? None of this is going to matter #in a few months I’ll get out of my Cookie Run Phase and find something else #and this is college it’s important for my future and career to do good on these classes #but I just don’t care and I hate being like this #but I’m too lazy to do anything about this #like I could tell you so much about the lore of Cookie Run #yet I can’t tell you how to find tension #it’s just…*sigh* I’m a failure #sorry I need to rant #now I’ll go and forget about how I feel #rant #real life stuff #no one’s gonna read this

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actualnymph · 11 months

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has anyone gone to another country for college? lmk

#I need to figure out my logistics wkdnwkd #I’m hoping I can maybe use my student loans to pay for my flight and shipping my things but idk. i might have to set up a gofundme to help #get there bc the tuition is just boarding plus food I think? and some healthcare added too #I’m not sure if I’ll be allowed back home depending on how my parents take the news that IM GOING but uh we’ll see #I submitted my application so we’ll see if I even get in anywhere. but if I don’t it wasn’t meant to be that’s how I’m gonna think of it #I’m trying to look at colleges in the USA too but I’m just so uninterested I’ve already done that #also I wanna leave the US! and idk where in the US I’d even go if I went to college here #that’s what my parents want but…😵‍💫. suddenly it’s ‘don’t worry about the money’ when they don’t want me leaving the US 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️#I’m still gonna be paying for it all myself with loans anyway it’s insulting for them to talk to me about money #esp abt me saving money bc they charge me rent each month like how can I do that…anyway!#t

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idkhowtopickausername · 7 months

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I’ve really not been functioning well mentally lately 😔

#I can’t seem to do my assignments and everytime I sit down to I just space out again and again and forget what I was even doing #I missed my bus stop last week and didn’t notice for a while and had to bus back at 11 at night #i made two kind of scary mistakes while driving today that I would usually never make #even an event I wanted to go to I ended up missing because I spaced out and was 20 minutes late and by then they’d left #I kept forgetting what I was doing in the middle of making dinner and talking to my mom on the phone #I haven’t even eaten dinner and it’s 3am and there’s soggy pasta in the pot that I never got to straining or putting sauce on #I have turned in very few assignments and I keep getting zeroes and I’m pretty sure I flunked a midterm because I couldn’t focus when I #tried to study #I’m worried I’ll genuinely fail out of college this time but I don’t want to leave bc I at least sort of have friends here now who is miss #*I’d #people keep recommending me like focus apps and setting timers and stuff but I forget about those too #I just feel like I’m on a completely different wavelength like I’ve procrastinated before but this is different #like I don’t even remember that I’m supposed to be doing something until I suddenly remember and start to do it and then I forget again #this has never happened before I don’t know what to do #personal

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the-starlight-papers · 1 year

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I’m so tired of my physics lab group because it’s me and then a bunch of guys who went to the same Christian high school in the same town as my university and they just talk about guns all the time.

Today one guy was telling a story about his cousin who’s in Communications so the professors are more liberal so she has to deal with them “talking about pronouns and crap.” Same guy has a sticker on his phone that says “I support FREE SPEECH not ~POLITICAL CORRECTNESS~”

Of course they were all talking about the Citadel shooting in Nashville too and how the shooter was trans.

@the-starlight-papers

#idk if it’s better or worse than my engineering class with the professor who makes a decent number of off color jokes #and is constantly toeing the line of what would get him reported to administration #some guy in engineering class today literally said ‘I’m racist’ and even that professor was like 😬#engineering professor also told some kid who was mouthing off that ‘you make me wish I wasn’t pro life’#engineering professor then started joking that he was going to snap one day because of said kid and then asked us where we would run #I hate engineering sometimes because it’s majority male and majority white #so some people feel like they can just say anything #idk if I’ve mentioned this but I got to college in the south and my school has literally stopped naming residence halls after peopld #and also buildings #they’re all named after their geographic locations #ie Hilltop East and Hilltop West or South English Building #(those are all made up btw but the real ones are basically the same idea)#it also sucks sometimes because sometimes I’m in a student engineering team lab working on a project #and then the guy I’m in the lab working with alone is looking at a flyer for a transphobic speaker coming to campus #in the groupme for the organization that’s bringing him #and then I have to worry about is it safe for me to work on this project with this guy #and it’s been fine so far mostly because we either talk about the project or classes or nothing at all #and I don’t want to join the women in engineering clubs because I’m not a woman #and for my engineering team I’m worried I’ll be the token trans person and they’ll want to put me in their social media outreach or somethin #which maybe if we were back in my home state I’d agree #but here heck no #like I’m fine 95% of the time and then there’s the 5% of the time that makes me realize that what’s acceptable here is fucked up sometimes #and I should probably start standing up to some of these people and saying something #but also I have to keep working with these people and I want to make working with them as painless as possible #there’s been other things lately that have been fucked up too that are kinda specific to the point where I can’t share them here #but yeah #anyways psa to any NMS reading this #if you’re looking at going to a college that offers really generous full rides to all NMS #think about why they’re so desperate to get good student to come to their school

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iloveyoumorethansoup · 2 years

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Ok college review now that I’m almost a month in. I’ve gained nothing from this experience but a janky apartment that I love

#no literally like. I’m not a people person. so that aspect of college doesn’t appeal to me #and also I’m in 4 classes. my library science one I was excited for is entirely geared towards being a school librarian and teaching #so I’m out here making lesson plans. which I have negative interest in being a teacher #my business class is structured in a way that makes lectures useless but I’m required to go #my theatre class. we haven’t really started anything so my opinion is neutral but tainted by last years experience. 2.5 out of 10 #my programming class is fun though. I’ll be the one programming sketchy apps now #i do really love my apartment #but yeah. i don’t often leave it. and god people love to knock at my door and windows #i don’t like. wanna shut myself in and not speak to anyone ever. but I’m not saying I’d hate that either #bc ok. last year I talked to two people. one of which didn’t come back this year and the other one who chronically cancels plans #but also just in general. confuses me?? like bestie will do something and I’m just like. why #oh but there’s 2 guys who live above me I know. one of which was the one banging on my window at 1am wasted #the other guy is nice but also talking to him tends to tire me out bc he’s the type of person who has to be right #not in like an argumentative way. moreso the type to repeat himself and rephrase things until ur like fine fine ok #also a tiny bit of a show off/one upper type #but I do have my friend who lives a good 45 mins away we see each other often and it’s fun #so yeah that’s my academic stuff and my social circle summary!#also. my ex best friend? lived 45 mins away. same city. saw her like 2-3 times the whole year. she could have done so much better #but yeah. i don’t do much in college and am 97% certain I’m taking a gap year to go hang out at my summer job #soup talks

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bibleofficial · 1 year

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idk what my father thought the take-away would be by taking my brother & i downtown to look at homeless people every holiday and birthday growing up was. like all it’s turned into was ‘communism = good’ & 🤝 like 😭😭

#diary #‘rhat could easily be u one day’ ‘one accident is all it takes’ then to the -> ‘we will kick u out if u do something we don’t like’ -> im #poor & therefore the poor is me ALSKALSKALKSLAKS #like idk. i mean i’ve been thinking abt it so much like how things could’ve been different if only money weren’t a problem #like yea he grew up basically homeless so i understand what his point ? was i guess ? but idk like the looming ‘u can be kicked out’ had #been held over me since i realized my faggotry at like 7/8 like ALSKALSKALSKLAKS #i didn’t have money ? i was a child ? i couldn’t afford things ? but also the money i did have was from work i’d do around the house or #whatever like if we got birthday money like 80% would go into a savings account but i didn’t have access to that account until i turned like #17 so like still its not like it was MY money - all my money was what i had or what i could hide or stash like #the HOARDING #JUST IN CASE I GOT FOUND OUT #maybe this was really unhealthy #but REGARDLESS it’s like ok idk the class solidarity but HE doesn’t like the homeless now bc he’s a crotchety old man that was a child of #neoliberal capitalism so i mean yea idk i get it but MY generation like my brother & i - or at least I REALIZED THIS - but like the flourish #that my father received from the economy he came of age into is NOT being passed along to me like im just floundering i keep thinking abt #money like im so fucking stressed all the time abt MONEY like i RESENT it so much like i WISH i could’ve been born into wealth like just #be NORMAL have a NORMAL college like be able to GET A LOAN at ALL for school loans but #like even if i COULD get a loan it’s not like i’d be able to PAY IT BACK !!!!! like oh my god ? & then who’d end up having to figure out how #to pay it back ? my family bc .. gov gon get their money somehow & i can’t do that even if i DID get kicked out like #im just so envious of the wealthy; those who could pay their way - or get it covered #like literally ‘what’re u going to do :)’ bro i don’t FUCKING KNOW DO U HAVE MONEY FOR ME TO DO ANYTHING ? BC WORKING FOR 30K/YEAR IS MORE #like time available to look for Real work vs Working at Work like it’s MORE affordable to NOT work #what’s the POINT if fucking WALMART pays MORE THAN A DEGREED REQUIREMENT #like 😭😭😭😭😭#cost of living crisis ever rising #like ok let’s just #im going to light things on fire

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ceruleanmage · 2 years

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okay. it’s Time. to go play phone-hockey

#let me explain #so #I was going to call my community college to schedule an appointment with an academic advisor to help me choose classes #and right before I was about to call (after spending a stupid amount of time hyping myself up)#my brother says “make sure you have your student id number”#and I go #…what id number?#and he says. the one you got in the mail when you got accepted?#and I’m like I have No Clue what you’re talking about dude #so I spent HOURS frantically searching through ALL my college mail — easily a hundred envelops #easily more #and I found nothing #and I go. shit. the most important one is the one I don’t see #and so I did a thing in my cc’s website where I put in my name and email. and if my account can be identified I’d get an email back #that was two days ago and I’ve gotten nothing #which means I now have to call the help center #the problem is I have NO idea which call option I’m supposed to choose #so that’s why I’m about to play phone hockey. I’m going to call and just fucking see where they end up sending me #such a stupid question too like “hi yeah what do I do if I can’t find my student id”#ugh #and the thing is. I applied for the fall but didn’t go obviously #and now I’m like… was I supposed to reapply for winter?? or #because if that’s the case imma look like the biggest idiot #so this is gonna be fun #I’m panicking #mage monologues

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cinaminrolll · 1 year

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GUYS the hangout with my at home friends was such a huge success i could cry of happiness just thinking about it

#like i have not had that much fun in MONTHS #like i’ve felt genuinely happy the last couple days #we had an impromptu sleepover wednesday night (in the middle of HUGE fucking rainstorm)#and then did our gift exchange tonight #and we just hung out and played a bunch of switch games #and i think they all liked the presents i got them #and i’m just so happy #really wish i didn’t have to go back to college tomorrow #anyways i think i deleted the original post about this so don’t be surprised if this one disappears too #just thought i’d share :’)

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gaythingliker69 · 2 years

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just found an old mutual on here who hasn’t posted for 14 months. and my fic i tagged them in was the last thing they posted. feeling very pensive rn

#god i feel nostalgic #i wasn’t totally aware of all the trauma i’d been through. i feel so different and calloused now #i don’t want to try and prepare for maybe getting cut off #i just want to go back to that time when all i had to worry about was college work and getting my next fanfic out #this is most likely misplaced nostalgia #this was around the third lockdown #but like. those were somehow simple times #i’m so much angrier abd more jaded these days. a lot has changed since i used this blog frequently

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arthur-r · 9 months

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tonight is my last night sleeping in my bed. possibly for the rest of my life. and my last time in my room possibly for the rest of my life. and i want to just get a good night’s sleep to be ready for a long day tomorrow but it’s really not working out like that.

#my family is still up in the air maybe selling this house within the next month #in which case i will never be in this room ever again. otherwise i will be back for the holidays so there’s still a month of this bedroom #if we sell the house in the spring instead (only rational option there’s no way we can empty it in time)#especially since i will not be in this house whatsoever until after that sell date. my mom all by herself can’t empty it all #anyway i’m struggling a bit. saying goodbye to my home of 14 years????#i’ve been through a lot in this place and most of it is bad memories but like. every good memory i have is from here too….#and everyone i know irl is staying local i’m the only one who’s leaving. one irl friend is going to the same school as me but we had a fight #within the past month and i don’t think we’re ever going to recover because she just kind of never treated me like a person #so i’m starting from scratch and it’s really.. like fuck i want to get out of here but i’m also not at all ready to actually leave #i’m just going to miss all the stupid little things so much. even my online memories are tied to this place #like the woods down the street where my deer friends live and the ditch i fell into back in the day and all the places i’ve gotten lost #and they’ll be right here waiting for me and i’m SO excited for college i am but why does it have to feel so sudden????#i dont know how anyone does it.. and all my friends are going to colleges in their hometown so i don’t even have anyone to compare with #i found out today that if we keep the house through the winter my mom is planning on using my room as a guest room and office. and of course #that makes sense and everything but now i have the most crushing guilt for not cleaning it up well enough. i thought it would be okay and #i’d just have to deal with it when i come back and i didn’t know she wanted to use it and she’s going to box up all of my things without me #and i feel guilty that i didn’t do that and i feel scared and upset because it’s my things and my room i don’t want it to change #i’m just really anxious and sad and scared and i don’t know what to do. school is going to be good but none of this feels real or normal #and i just feel sick and scared and i don’t know what to do. waking up at 8am and leaving at 9am and moving in at 2pm and that will be it #my mom and sister are staying for a couple days and that will be good i hope. i dont know i feel so conflicted about everything #and i’m tired and sick and angry and overwhelmed and i just want to take a week off and come back alive again #and i guess that’s what i’m about to do.. after i move in there’s eight days before college starts and all i’ll be doing is moving in #(and welcome week activities. and a lot of sleeping. but hopefully i’m gonna get a rollator through a loan program and that will help a lot)#anyway here’s what’s going on. i’m going to maybe try to sleep i guess. but if anyone has advice or encouragement about moving to college..#now is the time i really need it. it’s just so strange and conflicted and everyone i know has been telling me i just need to get out of here #and myself included i really want to get out of here. but how can i start anew when everyone i’ve loved is shattered. and what have you #think i have to listen to that song for long enough to remember how badly i want to leave….#i’m just really not feeling well. i’m angry that i never got to have the childhood i deserved #because now i’m leaving and that means it’s officially over…. i’m just really not feeling well. i think i’m running out of tags….#i hope you all are well. i’ll be around in the morning maybe.. i’m not sure. hope everyone has a good night

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lynx-tales · 2 years

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Had a dream that i was back at college. Had a discussion with my old advisor. She said she would have wanted me to take over after she leaves, and she was offended that I didn’t take more costume classes my last year.

I wonder if, IRL, she even thinks about me or remembers me at all.

#lynx tales #I had such a hard time in college #and it didn’t go unnoticed.#I wonder what would have happened if I’d gone to the counseling center on campus #I wonder if I would have gotten hospitalized #I wonder if it would have helped #I was so afraid #I’m still afraid of that tbh #but back then I was actively wanting to run into traffic #now it’s more of a nebulous ‘maybe things would be better if I didn’t exist’#and I still can’t tell my mental health professionals that #because I cannot handle the idea of being institutionalized #I was a bad student #a menace #horrible to everyone #I often wonder if I still am #I still feel like I am

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