#that makes sense and everything but now i have the most crushing guilt for not cleaning it up well enough. i thought it would be okay and

[arthur-r]

tonight is my last night sleeping in my bed. possibly for the rest of my life. and my last time in my room possibly for the rest of my life. and i want to just get a good night’s sleep to be ready for a long day tomorrow but it’s really not working out like that.

[sophiethewitch1]

What We Want - Chpt. 6 - Round Two. Fight!

In Which A Romantic Breaks The Universe

(Yandere!batboys x f!reader) 18+ MDNI!

SUMMARY

Another lonely birthday, another empty year. You miss your family. You're late for your bills and rent, and even then, you got robbed last Tuesday.

Still, you buy yourself a cupcake, because you need it. I mean, hey. What's dessert for if not to get over cheating boyfriends and dead relatives?

As you blow out the candle, watching the clock switch from 11:59 pm to midnight of the next day, you make a wish.

And because the world doesn't like to make much sense, it comes true. Your life is suddenly flipped on a dime, and you're stuck trying to catch up with it. Fantasy becomes reality. You're a Wayne now, apparently. Or you used to be. You're loved, you're rich, you're talented and powerful.

Well, sort of. Careful what you wish for, right?

(TRIGGER WARNINGS AND MASTERLIST HERE)

PREV - NEXT

Damn. Your indulgent TV stalking of the Wayne’s really doesn’t hit the same once you technically knew them. And you were hiding inside one of their bedrooms, inside one of their clothes, using their TV subscription. It just didn’t feel right. Morally, of course, but that wasn’t what you were talking about. No, you were just pissy your favourite pastime was basically ruined. You shovel another spoonful of cookie dough ice cream into your mouth, glaring through tired eyes at the screen.

There’s an up-close shot of Dick Grayson’s abs. The presenter ‘oohs’ and ‘aahs’ over his physical form, and you have to agree. You wish you had abs like that. Unfortunately, you did respond to most unwanted experiences with stress eating. As always with these celebrity figures, you can’t really tell if you want to be Dick or be with Dick. Your butt is nowhere near the level his is at.

While you hadn’t really set out today looking for shirtless pictures of the Waynes, it wasn’t like you were going to say no to them. So, when the gossip channel had switched from the reactions of the Waynes to last night’s fiasco to… this… you’d just kept watching.

You wonder if you should stop doing this. It’s definitely kind of creepy, and now you’d technically once been his… step-sister. What a mind fuck. You’ve been crushing on these dudes for a while, and now they were your ex-step siblings. This was like the start of a bad porno, but you knew you were not that lucky. And it wasn’t like you were going to start thinking of him as a brother any time soon. You hadn’t even met the guy. No, he was still firmly in the ‘celebrity crush’ section of your mind. Pretty and untouchable. The way things are supposed to be.

Which was also bad because you would probably have to meet and interact with him at some point. Probably in the near future. God knows you’d absolutely humiliated yourself in front of the fucking Timothy Jackson Drake-Wayne,. Twice, in fact. You didn’t even want to think about the display you’d shown for Bruce Wayne or Damian Wayne.

You didn’t really know what to do with your slightly obsessive crushes. And you could see it definitely being a problem in the near future.

…You decide that what you do in your private time is absolutely nobody but your business, and keep watching. It’s a mix of bitter spite and genuine mental breakdown levels of desperation that leads you to that decision. You feel like you’re a child with their toy being taken away, and it’s making you mad. And sad too. Even if you shouldn’t do this anymore, you still want to keep the habit. You’d mentioned before your creature comforts were one of the few things that kept you going. And while you were mostly very good at not being the jealous, heinous creature you really are, you knew you wouldn’t be giving this up.

They’d have to tear your gossip channels from your cold dead palms. You weren’t giving them up, not without a fight at least. Unfortunately for you, the universe seemed determined to wrestle away literally everything you loved.

Guilt’s for tomorrow. Today is for ice cream and purposefully ignoring everything. Speaking of which, you can not remember the last time you had a good Ben & Jerry’s. They were so expensive these days, as all groceries were. You simply couldn’t afford it. The Waynes, of course, had multiple tubs in multiple different options. Alfred had seemed delighted that you’d taken the ice cream, for which reasons you could not perceive.

Oh, yeah! His name was Alfred. Very butler-y. You’d remember it this time, he was a very nice man. And he called you ‘young miss’ which earned him points. He also didn’t seem to hate you on sight or treat you like a two-headed freak, like some of the other people in this household. Not naming names. Yeah, fuck that noise, Damian Wayne obviously has issues and it’s much less attractive in real life.

The woman drones on, and your eyes flick to your phone. Yup, she’s still yapping. It’s not like you don’t appreciate Dick’s abs or anything, it’s just that you think she might’ve been talking about this one specific photo for over half an hour now. Lady should get a hobby. Wait, wait, this is her job. Maybe you should start a podcast where you rant about the Wayne’s exercise regimes. It seems to be quite a lucrative field.

You shriek when the door slams open, nearly tumbling backwards off the bed. Hands manage to grip the bedcovers before you tip over, not making a complete fool of yourself. As it goes, you lose your spoon to the carpet. Bits of cookie dough spread over the floor in a divine sacrifice. And you lose your sanity to the man standing in the doorway. To be fair, he looks just as confused as you feel.

You blink at the physically perfect form of Dick Grayson and then turn your head to the TV to look at the other physically perfect form of Dick Grayson.

…You really wish you had a good explanation for this.

He mutters out your name, lips parted. Dick Grayson seems absolutely shocked to find you here. His eyes flick around the room and eventually land on the TV. Said baby blues widen to the size of saucers when the reporter makes a really, really unnecessary comment.

“And in news that broke the hearts of both ladies and gentlemen everywhere in Bludhaven, Dick Grayson has announced he will be returning to Gotham to assist his family in this difficult time. My cousin in the Blud is probably crying right now. There’s no ass out there quite like his, and there’s no replacement for Bludhaven’s favourite young rich bachelor,” she winks at the camera, and then the shot of his toned stomach phases forward to take up the entire screen.

Well, there’s a lot to say about that. First of all, fuck. Second of all, shit. Third of all, she really couldn’t have said that part about Dick coming back to Gotham sooner? Perchance, before you’d found yourself in this situation?

You said you weren’t that lucky, you meant it.

“But still, ain’t that lucky for us Gothamites? I myself have spent a lot of time on Dick’s Tiktok and Instagram, and his acrobatic videos have been used in a lot of my personal-”

You snatch the remote from the sheets and pause it right there. The silence is tense. You wait for him to say something, but he just stares at you. Completely stunned, mouth-catching flies. You want to pull the covers up and hide under them, but you don’t think that’d make him leave.

“I couldn’t find my room,” you finally manage to say. It’s the worst excuse you’ve ever heard, sounds like a complete lie. And yet, unfortunately, it is the truth.

Dick’s eyes drift to the TV, which you still haven’t unpaused. You can’t tell if it would be worth it, just to get rid of his golden brown abs staring at you judgementally, even if you’d have to deal with the extra embarrassment of the dialogue over them. Maybe if you muted the TV? It wouldn’t make up for the insult of his paparazzi photos on a widescreen.

It takes you even longer to come up with an excuse for… that.

“I was checking the news about last night,” you continue, the panic in you rising like a tea kettle left on the stove for too long. You might start shrieking like one too.

You don’t think he believes you. He looks down at the Beatles shirt you’re wearing. You know what he’s going to say before he does, but you still dread it.

“You’re wearing my clothes,” he mutters, his voice awed.

You want to say, ‘Nooo! No, no, no! Don’t do this to me, damn it! Not anymore! No more, please! It’s enough, enough suffering! This is genuinely ridiculous, damn you!’ but instead you reply with a shaky, “…Didn’t have any of mine.”

Also, you’ve been huffing Eau de Dick Grayson? That’s definitely in character for you. You want to beat your own head in with a stick.

“And I couldn’t find my room, and uh, thought this one wasn’t being used,” you continue, daring a glance back at him. He still looks completely stumped.

“It wasn’t,” he answers, but it sounds like he’s a thousand miles away.

You know, Dick Grayson was supposed to be a lot more charming than this. You’re almost proud you managed to stun the man into near speechlessness. Almost, almost. Almost not going to kill yourself once he leaves.

If he leaves. He doesn’t look like he’s getting up. You eye the gap between you and the door. Your animal brain is telling you to just run for it. But Dick has Olympic level athletics, and you don’t doubt he could catch you if you ran. Would he try though? That’s the deciding factor here.

He doesn’t seem like he’s actually going to fucking do anything though. He just keeps staring, like if he looks for long enough, it’ll all start to make sense. Which, you wish.

“Do you know where my room is? I couldn’t… remember…”

He nods, instead staring at his own abs on the TV.

“Can you take me to my room?”

He nods again. Still doesn’t look back at you.

“…Mr. Grayson?” you say, and almost immediately regret it. ‘You’ wouldn’t have used his last name, even though you might’ve. ‘You’ had been a casual person, as far as you could tell. That was the kindest way you could say it, at least.

His head snaps to you. He somehow looks more confused. You wonder if you should pinch him or something, god knows you’ve done your fair share of pinching yourself recently.

“Yes, right, sorry. Let’s… go,” he gives you a cheery smile, shaking his head, but it seems quite strained. You’re probably matching. This is the most humiliating moment of your life, and of course, it’s with the most beautiful man on earth right beside you.

A break. You want a break.

The two of you quietly shuffle out of the room, and when he guides you forward, you follow him obediently. Your head naturally bows, shame making it hard to look at him. You stare at the wooden floors as you walk. Watching it shine in the morning light that filters through the windows.

Eventually, he comes to a stop in front of a door that has obviously been avoided. Though it’s as clean as every other inch of this house, there are no marks in the rug from the door opening and closing. And even then, it seems… well, it sounds silly, but the door seems sad to you. Too many things seem sad to you these days.

Your thoughts must show on your face because Dick clears his throat and gives you a worried look. Is it rude to say you’re sick of those sorts of looks? That they just make you feel sick and burdened these days? It’s not like you could bring your family back from the dead, or convince your cheating boyfriend to not be a piece of shit. It was out of your hands.

“…Are you alright?” he asks you, blue eyes sincere. You tilt your head to the side.

“No?” you say, but it sounds more like a question. No, you are not alright. Yes, you will be okay. It’s the only option. It’s one of your rules. You have to be okay. You just have to.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

You almost laugh.

“No,” this time your voice is firm, confident. Dick seems like he’s going to push it, but something in your eyes makes him stop. You give him a forced smile and say goodbye, closing the door gently in his face. Once you do, you crouch down and once again, press your face to your knees. Then you press your hands to your mouth and let out a scream that had been bubbling up for a while. After that, you feel you can live with the humiliation that is your existence without jumping out the three-story-height window.

You stand up, turning to the room. The first thing you notice about it is that there’s dust in here. Same as Dick’s old room. Now that you think about it, Alfred doesn’t seem the type who’d randomly leave certain rooms uncleaned, so it must be something he does out of respect for the tenants of Wayne Manor. Or maybe the old you requested it? God knows.

Sitting down on the old bed, your eyes rove around the room. It’s well decorated, as the rest of the manor is, but you can’t see anything that would make it your room. There’s none of the novels you’d collected from the used books store, no dorky little items you impulse bought, no pictures of your family. The apartment hadn’t had those either.

‘You’- she- seemed like a ghost to you. While you’d often felt like you’d barely been alive, simply going through the motions, this girl seemed like she hadn’t even been conscious half the time she was doing it. It made your stomach swim, your face pulls taught.

While you’d had few things holding you afloat, it’d been enough to keep you alive. Molly, your co-workers, the need to work so as to not starve to death. She hadn’t had anything like that. No liferaft. You’d been sputtering and gasping your way through life, and she’d been drowning. Maybe already dead, at the bottom of the sea, hair tangling with the seaweed.

This room feels like a coffin, and this manor like a cemetery. It makes you physically sick.

Showing off your fickle-mindedness, you realise that despite this being the Wayne manor filled with all your idols, you actually don’t want to fucking be here. You need space to clear your head, and the creaking floorboards that echo down the creepy hallways just don’t offer that. The atmosphere at your too-modern, too-minimalist apartment is leagues better than the atmosphere at this gorgeous old house which you’d usually love spending hours getting lost in.

Usually. Unfortunately, this place was more suffocating than the workplace when you knew you were about to get fired again. And you weren’t getting paid to stay here, so why the fuck would you?

Once you realise you’ve decided to run, you’re quick to pack up your shit. There’s not much in the room you need. A pair of sneakers, because you would rather die than put those heels on again. And you’ll grab some shirts because they’re comfy and remind you of home. Hopefully, it’ll make everything… grate… a little less. All of this is thrown in an old ratty backpack, which is then tossed over your shoulder. Shoes slipped on, and tapped against the floor so they’re on comfortably. And then you’re ready. Ready as you’ll ever be. With one hand on your phone, you take a peek outside the door. Coast is clear.

You press call for ‘The Wicked Witch of the West’. Jeanine picks up on the third ring.

“Hello, Jeanine Ryans here,” she says, her voice all business.

“Jeanine, I need an evac, stat,” you whisper to her, creeping down the hallway of the manor. The floor is unbelievably creeky, so it’s pretty fucking difficult to be stealthy about it.

“…What?”

“Get me out of this fucking manor, please,” you beg, now going down the stairs. Almost out, almost out.

“Right, on it. I’ll have a car outside in ten minutes if that’s alright?” Jeanine replies, immediately on the case. It almost makes you cry. You know she’s being paid for this, and very desperate for the job for some reason, but it’s still a hail mary that you are so grateful for.

“Thank you, thank you so much,” you say, turning a corner and-

Oh, fuck. Damian Wayne glares down at you, green eyes cataloguing every single guilty piece of you in existence. He sees your hand tighten around your backpack, hears Jeanine telling you not to worry through your phone, and probably notices the way your eyes desperately flicker behind him to the door. To your goal, to the exit to this labyrinth.

You can practically hear the wind blowing, see the tumbleweed drift by.

And then, he moves past you, twisting his body so no part of it touches you. There’s a moment where your brain freezes, something spicy smelling (cinnamon, maybe?) flowing past you, and by the time you turn around, he’s gone. Your deer-in-headlights tensed-shoulders look falls, leaving you confused in the foyer. He didn’t even say a word to you. You felt like you just got passed over by a boss from a Dark Souls game.

…Well, you’ll take the wins where you can find them! Quickly, you hurry out the front door, skittering down the steps like some sort of rat. It’s a long walk to the gates, and you don’t really know how to open them to let the car in, so you decide to take your time and enjoy the walk. The early morning dew apon the clean-cut blades of grass glint and sparkle, the gravel on the road crunches under your technically-not-stolen sneakers, and even if it’s a miserable life, it’s a pretty day. From the hill the manor lives upon, you can see Gotham’s tall skyline, cloaked in its characteristic fog.

Eventually, you find yourself in front of the gate, where you can see Jeanine waiting with a black car on the otherside. There’s a big green button next to the side gate, which you press, and it clicks open. There’s a moment where your neck tingles, and you glance up at the camera pointed down at you. The red flickering light beside it holds your attention. You can see your bedraggled reflection in its lense.

Shaking your head, you move on, greeting Jeanine. She gives you a quick bow of the head and opens the door for you. You hike the bag over your shoulder, give the Wayne manor one final, lingering look and then you step into the car. Jeanine starts speaking to you about some future appointments you have, and you’re too tired to understand a word of what she says. She realises you’re not processing anything she says, and hands you a pair of headphones with a wire adapter.

You could kiss her right then and there. You don’t because that’d be weird, but you definitely think about it. Headphones on, you watch the rolling hills and luxurious manors turn into highways and honking traffic, to finally the upside part of town which was now apparently where you lived.

Eventually you find yourself being delivered in front of your swanky new apartment. With a passing goodbye, Jeanine tells you that she’ll be busy for the rest fo the day so if you need anything to call the number on the card she hands you. You tuck it in your pocket, certain you’ll lose it like every other business card you’ve ever been handed.

The elevator ride up to your room is contemplative. The music is boring, your reflection is bedraggled and tired, and the gentle feeling of gravity under your feet tugs at you. You rock slightly when you finally reach your floor. The doors open, but you don’t make any move to leave. They shut again, and you’re left staring daggers at your mirrored self.

You’d woken up, still here. It wasn’t a dream. It was reality. And more than that, it seemed more and more like you’d be staying in this reality. You didn’t think you could go home. Sure you were rich but… but your home. Your few things you’d managed to save. Your meagre group of friends and your hard-sought job. It made you nauseous. Where had you lost it all? Why were you here now? Why did you keep having to lose everything?

You manage to snap yourself out of it before someone else calls the elevator. Striding out of the space, you look to the right where you remember your apartment coming from. It’s not hard to find the unit, as there are only three on the entire floor. Rich people.

The door closes with a satisfying thud behind you, and you nearly melt with exhaustion.

This apartment is the ninth circle of hell for you. Scrambling around on your knees, you’re desperate to find the damn phone that won’t stop ringing. You can’t understand where the sound is coming from.

Under your bed? You shine your other’s phone’s light under it. Nope. Behind the dresser? Nada. You search inside the drawers and then peek inside the fancy lamp. Absolutely nothing. You’re ready to tear your hair out when you spot something… odd.

There’s… You think there’s something stuck in your floorboards. You dig at the space with your fingernails and the piece of wood pops open. Inside is… a cardboard box. An awfully familiar cardboard box, actually. The sight of your Mum’s old keepsake box makes you cry out with joy, lifting it from its little enclave. You’d lost a lot in the past few days but at least the old you knew how to keep your family’s stuff safe.

This apartment looks brand new. And apparently the past you dug into it to hide her stuff. You can’t really judge, you have a hidey-hole back at your apartment. It was a brick that had already been loose in the wall, so it didn’t feel quite as criminal as this.

The ringing is coming from inside the box. When you pull the lid up, you find a keepsake box a little different from yours. While yours only ever had your family’s old passports and photo albums, this one had a sleek phone sitting on top of all the mementos. It’s an exact copy of the phone on your bed- or well, it would be, if you hadn’t dropped it.

Two phones? This bitch was greedy. And so are you, eagerly sweeping the expensive item into your gremlin hands. Your thieving high is instantly quashed when you see who’s calling.

Of all fucking… George.

You roll your eyes before hanging up, tossing the phone to the side as you start rifling through the old keepsake box. You flip through family photo albums and lovingly cradle old stuffies. The phone buzzes. You ignore it. You find one of your mother’s old necklaces, and because you’re desperate for anything that can ground you, slip it over your head. The cool heart locket rests just under your collarbone, and you clutch it with one hand as you keep exploring. The phone keeps buzzing. It’s only almost half an hour later when you realise something about this is strange.

Why is George… not blocked? You glance down at the vibrating object like it’s radioactive, a despairing frown pulling at your face. Cautiously, you pick it up, making sure not to open the notifications lest it tell George you read any of his messages.

He’s… apologising for not being there for your birthday. Shit. Shit, shit, shit. And it’s not even a proper apology, it’s one of those ‘I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings’ bullcrap. He keeps spamming you, and eventually, you realise that he’s not going to just stop.

You decide to nip this in the bud quickly because even remembering his cheating face makes you feel like throwing up.

‘You’: Why are you contacting me?

‘George <3’: Seriously? Look, I’m sorry I wasn’t there yesterday. I was busy, you know that.

Stupidly, you reply:

‘You’: ‘No, seriously, why are you contacting me? I’m done with you.’

You wonder how you ever loved this jackass. Even if he was obviously more of a jackass here, than where you’d come from. He was just better at pretending there. You keep scrolling, ignoring the new texts that pop up. Your stomach sours at the number of texts he himself had ignored, of the amount of ‘sorry baby, can’t come tonight’, the begging, the pleading.

No, he wasn’t worse at pretending. He just didn’t care.

You wonder if this could have been you, further along down the line. Abuse happens slowly, right? Like a frog in a pot. You’d have forgiven and forgotten, written away his worse behaviours till you couldn’t anymore. Till you couldn’t leave, till you were trapped.

You think George Lancaster would’ve tried to. He would’ve isolated you from everyone you had left if he hadn’t screwed up and got caught.

You realise now there were a lot of red flags in your relationship with George. Molly always hated him and he hated her. He’d constantly complain about how much time you spent with her, spamming you with texts when you went out.

You were only… only two days since you’d actually broken up with him. Which was sort of crazy to think about. You feel like you’ve lived eons since then. Like that one traumatic incident aged you thirty years. Anyway, you still hadn’t processed the whole George thing. You’d been sort of busy fighting for your life.

‘George’: I’m here, can you at least open the door so we can talk face to face?

Freeze. A knock sounds, and your head snaps up to the front door. You don’t move. You just wish it away. The knocking only gets louder and louder.

You feel like a dumb girl in a horror movie as you walk towards the door, unlocking it and creaking the knob open. George Lancaster stands on the other side, and before you can slam it in his face, he grabs you by the arm and yanks you out of the door. And then he’s pulling you to the elevator, even as you try and get your bearings, get yourself away from him.

“You can’t just ignore me like this,” George says, pissed off to high hell, “We’re going to miss the reservation I booked specifically for you. I told you it was happening today and-”

There’s white noise between your ears, you can’t hear what he’s saying. Told you? It wasn’t in any of the texts. He’s still talking even as the elevator dings, even as he shoves you in a white sports car that’s half parked on the curb. Even as he drives his way through Gotham’s streets, he won’t fucking shut up.

Why are you letting this happen to you? Why aren't you fighting back, wrenching yourself from his grasp? He takes you into a restaurant, one so upscale that normally you wouldn’t be able to get in for months, and your head snaps from staring socialites to watching politicians to gawking celebrities. You have the eyes of the world on you right now, and they’re all watching George yell at you.

And you can’t find your voice.

It's like a scab you can't stop picking at. Like you think this is what you deserve or something. And it's not. You know it's not. And yet you follow obediently, chastised and embarrassed, as he pulls you through the restaurant. When he picks a table in the centre of the room, you don’t protest. When he chooses your meal for you, even though it’s not to your taste, you don’t protest.

Looking at George, scrolling lazily on his phone, your hands clench against the table. They’re sweating, shaking, nails digging into your palms.

You… you didn’t have to break up with him again, did you? You realised it earlier, but you didn’t- it didn’t really sink in. Your first breakup with George Lancaster was a miserable traumatic experience, and it had been in the solitary streets of Gotham’s Narrows. This one, this one would be seen by literally everyone.

Nauseous. You feel so damn nauseous, your mouth dry as you swallow down bile. This was ridiculous. You couldn’t stand seeing his face. Was he texting her right now? God, did she even know? You’d just stormed out that night, running from what you’d seen.

George had chased after you. Had he left her there? Your stomach churned at the idea. You had to hate her on principle but, well, you also had to sympathise with her. Contradictions, that was the average you. You didn’t want to help this random girl. Didn’t want to have to ever think of her again.

…Staring at George, a definitively awful person, you can’t do it. Can’t just leave her to it.

“I’m breaking up with you,” you say.

“What?” George replies, not even looking up from his phone.

“I’m breaking up with you!” you shout. It’s not even intentional, just a result of being pushed too far, of breaking too easily.

The restaurant goes quiet. Guess you’re up for another scandal then. Whatever, it wasn’t like you would’ve lasted much longer anyway. This was all too complicated for your recently traumatised mind to handle. And it was just too damn stupid to bother with anyway. All of this was fucking stupid.

You included.

Just pull the bandaid off, right? You could already see how this version of you had so many scandals to her name. You probably should start giving a shit. Or at least trying to. You don’t think you want to, though.

George puts his phone down face down on the tablecloth, giving you a calm look. That slightly pitying stare activates something in your brain you didn’t really know was there. It’s a type of rage you haven’t known since you were a kindergartner and one of the other girls said you couldn’t play princesses. Since your first service job where your manager felt you up. Just pure, petty, anger. The type of anger ready to burn the world down as long as it burns whoever pissed you off as well. He opens his mouth, probably to say something condescending, and your hand whips out and snatches his phone.

“Hey!” George says instead, his eyes widening.

You turn the phone back on. Hm, passcode. You flip it around and use facial recognition to open it. Despite the fact that George wears the most comically shocked expression, with saucer-wide eyes and a mouth open to catch flies, it unlocks. Nice.

“Hey! What are you doing?” George demands, reaching over the table for his phone.

You twist away from his reach. Password. You flip the phone, and despite George’s comically shocked expression, it still unlocks. He shouts again when it does, probably realising that you might be taking this seriously. That he might actually be in trouble. That his sugar mummy might not take too kindly to the numerous texts to other women on his phone.

…You really can’t believe you’re a sugar mummy. And for George of all people. What a horrendous waste of money, it’s fucking tragic.

He’s got the texts with someone known as ‘Pizza Hut’ pulled up, with some very flirtatious messages. You scroll up furiously, ducking under George as he gets up from the table and tries to get the phone. Still, backing up, the sight of a very poorly shot dick pic of George’s has you grimacing. Your focus on the picture, trying to decide whether his penis looked so unappealing before you’d learnt of his betrayal, has you distracted when one of the servers come around.

And, well, shirt, meet soup. Very, very hot soup. Everyone? Meet a screeching, klutzy moron.

George takes the chance to advance on you, snatching his phone from you. He doesn’t even seem to care you’re currently getting third-degree burns. The sting scorches through the thin fabric of your dress shirt, burning your skin. George grabs you again, his grip harsh enough this time you know it will bruise, and you can’t really say why you do what you do at that moment.

Your aunt used to have a chihuahua. It was an ugly, grumpy thing. She’d rescued it late into its life, and it had been treated poorly beforehand. It didn’t like to be touched at all and used to run from anyone who tried. And if you tried to touch it? Cornered it?

Well, of course, it started biting.

George’s howl is the most satisfying thing you’ve ever heard. His squeal of “bitch!” might be even more so. He slaps you away from him, and the sound echoes in the restaurant. Your face stings. When you land ass first in the puddle of still-too-hot soup, you wonder if you might try and bite him again. You don’t think you even broke the skin, considering you can’t taste blood. The other patrons stare on in genuine horror, like they’ve never seen a messy breakup before. One woman raises a hand to her mouth, and gasps-

You find yourself staring up at a furious George, one with a menace in his eyes you’ve never seen before. You wonder, idly, if he’s ever hit you before. Well, not you, but ‘you’. You realise now that he has the capacity for it, that he probably always did.

“What the fuck!?” he hisses, angry eyes darting from side to side, “Biting me?! In fucking public?! Have you lost it, you crazy bitch?! And you got my phone fucking soaked in soup!”

“Did you buy it?” you ask, wiping your mouth with your sleeve to get George’s dirty taste out of your mouth.

He blinks, confused, thrown off by your question, “Huh?”

“Did you buy that phone?” you repeat, your staring starting to turn into a furious glare.

You don’t think he did. Your George had never been able to afford those sorts of things, he’d been as broke as you were. Of course, you’d seen him lust over those items, but you’d always managed to convince him not to go into debt over silly things like sports cars and fancy phones. And even then, you’d been the one to buy him a PS5.

He looks down at the phone and back at you, and you can see his jaw tick.

“I bought it. That’s mine.”

“It was a gift. You’re going to be such a bitter bitch to take back everything you gave me? Gonna leave me out on the fucking street?” he says, spittle flying with angry words.

This was escalating fast. Maybe before you’d have been cowed by his words, but you were genuinely off your rocker by now and were very much willing to tango with this bastard. Like yes, he did terrify you, but so did everything else. You could handle this much at least. You weren’t ready to back down.

“And if I did? What then George? What could you even fucking do?” you throw back, voice rising to match his.

“It’s not your money either, it’s theirs, you little leech!” says the pot.

“Does it matter?” replies the kettle.

Pushing to your feet, you find George without another answer. He stands between you and the exit. With the plain murderous rage on his face, you think he’ll try to grab you again if you run past. He wouldn’t bite you back, but he might slap you or something. So instead, like any good coward does, you run straight to the girl’s bathroom. It hasn’t failed you yet, and you doubt it will today.

You shove into the bathroom, past a woman doing her makeup. Her head bobs up and down as she takes in your seemingly infamous face, and your stained shirt. You stride as far away from her as possible, darting into the last bathroom stall and sitting on the closed toilet lid. You pull your knees to your chest and hiss out a sound of frustration when that presses the sticky liquid against your chest and pants. Not your brightest idea, but you were sort of running on fumes right now.

The bathroom stall is extremely clean. One thing you were quickly realising about rich people is they didn’t have to suffer shitty public bathrooms. You didn’t think they deserved it. Like customer service jobs, and traffic, they built character.

What were you doing? Right, trying not to cry. You’re doing much better than yesterday. Still, sitting on top of the toilet’s closed lid, your phone pressed to your face, you wouldn’t say you’re doing ‘good’.

But because you knew George was too much of a pussy to ever enter the woman’s bathrooms, you refuse to move a single inch. You don’t want to go out there. At all. At all, at all. You’d tried to call Jeanine, but she hadn’t answered. Some P.A. she was. You still weren’t going to fire her. Then you remember that she told you she was going out later, and that she’d left a card with you. Digging through your pocket, you decide it’s finally time to die when you realise you lost the card somewhere along the line.

So, she wasn’t going to come save you as your knight in shining armour.

You can’t remember Molly’s number. Who did these days? That was your phone’s job. So you were left with… this. You were left with this. Four blocked numbers and a third had sent an automatic reply because he was driving. Alfred was probably busy. Weren’t butlers always very busy?

…Rich people weren’t often very busy. They had butlers and assistants to do all their chores. You unblock all four of the Waynes that you have on your phone.

The first thing you notice is the amount of texts between ‘you’ and Dick. Scrolling and scrolling, you find most of them are him checking up on you and one-word replies from the old you. He’s friendly and accepting, even when you respond in cruel and aggressive tones. The further back you scroll, the kinder your replies are. At one point it seems like the two of you had a good relationship.

You check the other chats. Tim’s message log is filled with coffee requests sent back and forth between you, Damian’s is completely empty, and Bruce’s has had no response from your phone in years. But eventually, you scroll back far enough that you find an actual conversation instead of just ‘Call Alfred’ repeated every few days.

‘You’: I miss them.

‘Bruce Wayne’: I know. I miss them too.

You press the back button, sighing. That felt like you’d seen something you shouldn’t have, like you’d peeked into someone’s diary. Which was unbelievably stupid. All of this is unbelievably stupid. You should just leave, you should just be brave. Two days ago you faced off against one of your worst fears, but today you couldn’t even handle George Lancaster.

You want someone to rescue you. You know no one will unless you ask. It makes you choke on your own self-disgust. This is the second time in one day. God, maybe you should just do it yourself. It’s not like you couldn’t pay for your own Uber.

And still, you find yourself clicking on a name and begging. Skin crawling, you type and retype the text probably a hundred times. You go from long apologies to begging to rants you never intended to send in the first place. Tap, tap, tap, and then you delete, delete, delete.

What you settle on is simple.

‘You’: hey. can you come pick me up? thx

Maybe a bit too simple. You cross your arms and tuck yourself in the good ol’ fetal position. You feel like you’ve spent half your time holding yourself like this the past three days.

‘Dick Grayson’: I’ll be there in five.

MASTERLIST - NEXT

[brighteuphony]

I LOVE your Sakura AU, thank you so much for making it 🥹

Even though her ending is supposed to be “good”, I always thought that canon didn’t do her justice and threw any character development she had out of the window so she can be with Sasuke

I SO wanted her to finally move on and just let go

And I don’t have anything against Sasusaku

But I think it’d be much more beautiful if Sakura long let go of her feelings by the time Sasuke came to his senses and they developed their relationship TOGETHER from the START

And, once again, your work is AMAZING and I can’t wait for next pieces ❤️

Btw, can I ask a question?) Will we see Naruto’s and Sasuke’s reaction to her condition (maybe flashback to before she left the village?), if not, can you please tell me a bit about it? I can’t imagine them to ignore her after the incident, especially considering that they are at fault as usual

Thank you so much for the kind words! I've also never been a fan of how Sakura ended up. I have no beef with SasuSaku, but my biggest issue was that we never saw Sasuke try to make up/connect with Sakura in the same way we saw him do with Naruto, so their romance in Boruto just felt so...abrupt?

As for what happens to Sakura and her friends....

Sasuke was essentially put on probation/jailed, but broke out and defected to Otogakure as canon. This devastates Sakura, as she's both in deep denial about his contribution to her injuries and also the fact that she basically threw herself in there for nothing. Kakashi shuts down completely. It's a nightmare replay of his own past, including the female team-mate being horrifically injured by the chidori. The guilt of everything is eating him alive so he basically withdraws into himself and uses her demotion to civilian status as a way to trick himself into thinking that if he just 'rips off the bandaid' and cut ties, she'll be able to move on more easily.

Naruto is the only person who is really able/willing to face justice. After the incident, he was basically also put on probation/awaiting trial but busted himself out to join Jiraya.

So for context, Sakura got clapped hard by the Rasengan/Chidori combo (hearing gone, nerve damage, eyes shot etc) and basically had to be put in a coma to try and stop the damage from getting worse, but unfortunately none of the medics in Konoha had the ability to reverse anything but the most superficial damage. So Naruto joined Jiraya in an attempt to find and bring the only person in the world who could give Sakura a sliver of hope.

I felt like this worked well with canon and the desperation to get Tsunade to be hokage and Naruto basically begged her on his hands and knees to help Sakura. Tsunade made it there in the nick of time managed to save everything but her eyes.

But Sakura's life has fallen apart, her career is over, her parents dead from Konoha Crush and her eyes gone...and Naruto is the most convenient and available person to take out all her rage on, so...while he deserves a lot of that rage..she is essentially punching down on who she perceives to be the cause of all her problems.

Lee is in the same boat as her, but while he tries very hard to be there for her, Sakura can't stand to be with him right now, as it just makes the reality of life hit that much worse- especially when she finds out there's a surgery that might give him a better chance than she'll ever have.

And Ino visits often at first, but then it's awkward...and painful as the weeks go by. They have lunch and gossip but at some point, there's not much a shinobi and civilian have in common, especially after the shortage of manpower post Konoha-crush has Ino entrenched in the shinobi life more than ever before.

I hope this answered some stuff! Thank you so much for the questions and the interest! I love Sakura and I just wanna give her the development and power she deserves!!

[liliansun]

pairing: jeno x reader (ft.yanghyuck)

synopsis: nothings worse than having a crush on the same person since you were kids—actually having your roommate sleeping with him kinda tops the cake. let’s just hope you can get your feelings to him before he gets something else.

warnings: swearing, mentions of sex but not explicitly described—just like talked about if that makes sense (no actual smut), jeno is kinda a player and an asshole, mentions of mark from nct & winter from aespa

word count: 9.5k

genre: childhood school friends 2 potential lovers, angst, fluff, humor bc I think I’m funny

a/n: this was put off for so long so please be nice w the criticism 🧎‍♀️

Rolling over in bed, you look at the clock for what felt like the millionth time within the last few hours. The time read 3:49am, making you groan as you turn back over and pull the blanket over your head. Most people would be asleep by now, unless they were studying for a major exam that was right around the corner, but that didn’t apply to you. Instead of getting the well needed rest you were so desperate for, you were forced to hear the sounds of your roommate getting railed by your middle school crush in the next room. Other than keeping you up, knowing what was going on between the two on the other side of the wall made your heart ache.

You tried to drown them out, pressing your palm against your ear in hopes that the noise would fade, but it never does. Grabbing the pair of headphones on your spare pillow, you opt for sticking them in your ear and putting your playlist on shuffle. You weren’t sure when you finally dozed off, but you were awakening by the sound of your favorite song playing on blast. Jolting up on your bed, you rip your blanket from your body and start patting around the bed, looking for the little buds that seemed to have fallen out while you slept. After searching for a few minutes, you put them back into their case and turned the music off on your phone before getting out of bed.

When walking down the hallway, you stretched your arms out along with a big yawn. “Didn’t get much sleep I see.” You heard a husky voice call out behind you. You jump, gasping as you turned around to see Jeno standing in your hallway. He was shirtless, shorts loosely hugging his waist as he ruffled the towel around his neck into the back of his hair. “Oh shit, you scared me.”

“Sorry y/n, I thought you heard the door shut.” He replied, as he stopped drying his hair. Trying to catch your breath, the sight alone is enough to keep you awake, but he didn’t exactly need to know that. “Are you alright? Your face is looking a little red.” He asked, bringing one hand up to touch your cheek. The back of his fingers brushed against your skin, sending your brain and heart into a frenzy.

“Y-yeah I’m okay! That’s just how I look when I wake up.” You reply quickly, stepping back to create more distance between you two. Taking a few more steps, you trying to calm your heart as you walked towards the kitchen. Jeno followed, drying the other side of his head. “You never did say if you got enough sleep, you still look pretty tired.” Opening the fridge, you grabbed the milk and a container of fruit. “How could anyone sleep with the noise you two were making?” Guilt immediately washed over you after realizing how badly it sounded out loud. When you looked up, you saw Jeno sitting at the table, lowering his head a bit. “I’m sorry, I told her to be quiet, but she said you were already asleep.”

Shrugging, you setting the milk on the counter and opening the cabinet for the bowls. “It’s fine, it happens ya know? Nature and all.” It all sounded pretty stupid in your head, but it was better than talking about how he rearranges your roommates insides three times a week. Grabbing the protein powder he keeps stashed in your pantry as well as your favorite cereal, you move to the table and set set everything down. “You making a shake?” You almost want to laugh, shaking your head as you take your cereal, bowl and milk to the table. “No, but I know that you will, muscle pig.”

“At least I don’t eat straight sugar for breakfast, wait are those unicorn marshmallows?” He squints as he leans over the table, pointing at your now half full bowl. You gasp, covering your bowl with your hands. “How dare you insult this magical bowl of goodness?” You’re amused at the way he laughs at your seriousness. “Nothing princess, just enjoy the cereal.” Part of you knows he didn’t mean anything by it and that he was joking with you because of your choice of cereal, but that didn’t mean the other part of you wished he always called you that. Just as you were deciding on crying into your bowl in the comfort of your bed, the vibration of your phone saved you from explaining that later on.

Pulling it from your pocket, you mentally roll your eyes at the caller ID. “There she is!” Yangyang sang as he smiled when you answered his video call. “Do you know what time it is?” You ask, propping your phone against your bowl so you can pour the milk in. “Yes I’m very aware of what time it is, why do you- ooh I see you have company.” He wiggles his eyebrows up when noticing Jeno in the back assembling his shake. “Eyes on me liu.” He smirks, looking over to whoever was beside him. “We’ll talk about this later or actually in fifteen if you’re not dressed in ten.” You nearly choke on your cereal, wiping your mouth with your sleeve. “Did I miss when I agreed to go out with you?”

“Oh so you wanna go out with me.”

“I’m literally gonna castrate you.” Yangyang laughs, handing his phone over to Haechan who seemed way too happy to see your hair sticking up on the side. “Beautiful baby, even when you’re a mess.” Contemplating on hanging up, you let out an annoyed sigh. “Yang is too busy getting no bitches to tell you, but we’re going down to that new place near the library and you’re coming, right?” Chewing on your breakfast, you contemplate the options. If you go, there’s free food and a chance to get a new book or even just hide in the library where neither Haechan or Yangyang will find you. If you don’t go, you’d be home alone on a Saturday and as tempting as that sounds, you’re not sure how much more of shirtless Jeno you can handle.

“Say please and I’ll go.” Haechan smiles, the kind of smile that’s so sickening sweet that it makes your insides flip. Just as you’re about to question him and his weird grin, you hear a knock at the door. Both you and Jeno turn to look at each other, shrugging as you get up from the table and go answer. When you open the door, Haechan is standing in front of you, clicking end on your call as he opens his arms. “Pretty please, mommy?” You scoff, staring at him in amusement. “Never call me mommy again and I’ll go.” Satisfied, he pulls you forward by your sleeve and engulfs you into a hug. “Yes, mommy.”

“You’re pushing it hyuck.” You mumbled against his jacket. “I just love it when you talk dirty to me.” He practically whispers, laughing as you look up at him in utter disgust.

When Yangyang finally gets to the top of the stairs, he overlooks the two of you and immediately points out Jeno at the table. “So who’s the naked guy and why haven’t you introduced me yet?” Practically prying Haechan’s arms from around you, you walk back inside while the two boys follow. “This is Jeno, he’s currently fucking my roommate. Jeno, this is Yangyang and Donghyuck, but his ‘friends’ call him Haechan.”

“Why’d you put friends in quotations?” Haechan pouts, staring at you as if you just broke his heart. “Because you don’t have any hyuck.” You smile, instantly regretting ever letting him in when his pout morphs back into a grin. “But you call me hyuck, baby, so what’s that gotta say about us.”

“I’d call you by your government name if I had you on a kill list too.” Yangyang intervened, making Haechan jump on his back. You walk away from the two that somehow ended up on your couch in the middle of wrestling, completely forgetting about your cereal. Jeno followed behind you, standing against your doorframe as you went through the clothes of your closet. “So I take it you’re heading out?”

“Yeah, I mean if I don’t then they’d end up staying here and distributing the peace so I’ll take the win and get free food.” He only hums, watching as you silently try to decide on two different cardigans. “The one on the left is your color.” You smile, pulling it off the hanger.

“Since when did you get so good at picking out girls' clothes?” Jeno smiles, stepping a little further in your room and taking a look around. “Dunno, I guess when you’ve taken enough of them off girls you kinda get a feel on what looks good or not.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s one way.” He settles on your bed as you look in the back for your most comfortable pair of jeans. “So what’s up with you and Haechan?”

“What do you mean?” Slipping the cardigan over your head, you figured it would cover the white shirt underneath and thank god you were right. “He seems, what’s the word, touchy?” You laugh, a bit too loud if you’re honest. “That’s because he is, he’s always been that way pretty much since we met. It’s kinda weird, but he knows his boundaries even if he likes to push them a little.”

“So he’s your boyfriend?” You shake your head, signaling for him to turn around and which he does. “So you’re fucking him?”

“Ew no, that boy has too many people going on that thing for me, I’ll be surprised if it’s still attached to be honest.” Jeno seemed almost confused, turning back around when he felt you were dressed. He looks you up and down, smiling just a little, but not enough for you to notice. “I’m not fucking Yangyang either, if you’re wondering.”

“Then who is getting into your pants?” Smiling, you pull your hair up and secure it with a clip. “No one, honestly, I don’t really care to have dirty hands down the front of my pants.”

“And if my hands were clean?” You smile at him, turning around once you’ve got your shoes on. “They’re not, you’re fucking my roommate, remember? I’ve seen the guys who come in before and after you’re gone.” Jeno nods, watching as you give yourself one final check in your mirror. “Lock up if you’re gone before I come back please.”

“I was actually gonna just hang around a bit, Jaemin texted me that he has a friend over and I really don’t wanna hear him bust a hole in the wall.” You give him a look through the mirror, making him laugh as he mumbles sorry. “I get it though, feel free to hang and text Jaemin he better not be recording anything weird on my camera.” Jeno gives you a puzzled look, “You know Jaemin? As in Na Jaemin?”

“Jeno, we all went to school together. Of course, I know who Jaemin is.” Slightly embarrassed, Jeno rubs the back of his neck as he averts his eyes down to your bed. “Yeah, right I don’t know how I forgot that, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be, plus it’s not like you and I talked a lot so it’s okay.” The look in his eyes was something you weren’t entirely familiar with. Sure, you knew Jeno was just more than someone who’s good in bed, but this was something you had never seen from him and that alone made your stomach flutter. “I hate to break up this moment,” Yangyang moves his hands in a circular motion between you and Jeno, “But y/n, Haechan said and I quote ‘tell my baby momma that if she doesn’t get out here I will mark my territory on her couch and scream her name’ end quote.”

Jeno looked utterly mortified while Yangyang shrugged. You smile, waving goodbye and walking out of your room just in time to see Haechan facing away with his hands pulling at his pants. “Lee Donghyuck, if I see any one of your kids on my couch God so help me, I’m going to bust your balls.” He turns his head, smiling at you from over his shoulder. “Honey, you’re back!”

Once Haechan ensured you that his zipper was up and was staying up, the three of you left the house. The air outside has dropped a little since you woke up, making you feel a little more cold than you’re comfortable with. The three of you walked from your apartment down to the cafe that Yangyang and Haechan mentioned earlier. “So who’s gonna tell him that you’ve got heart eyes?” Yangyang smiled, watching as you squinted at him as if you didn’t know what he was talking about. “Don’t play dumb, baby cakes, we all saw how you were about to jump that man’s bones if we didn’t come in time.” Haechan looked over at you only to receive the finger you wish you could stick up his ass. Scratch that, he’d enjoy that too much.

“No one is telling anyone anything, besides, it’s not like it’ll matter because who wants to date the guy who creams your roommate?” Yangyang nods, opening the door to the cafe for you to enter. If you’re honest, you didn’t even realize you arrived and probably would’ve kept walking on. “Yeah well, it’s not like they’re a thing at least.” Haechan holds the front of the door open, following behind you. “Actually, he has the hots for her in a lovey dovey kinda way.”

“And how are you so sure about that?” Yangyang questions you as he looks over at the menu plastered on the wall. “His best friend spilled it when we made small talk so he can borrow my camera.” Both Haechan and Yangyang gasped dramatically, looking at one another in disbelief. “The film major? I didn’t think he spoke to anyone other than Jeno and his daily booty call.”

“Is that really what shocks you?” Yangyang nodded, waving over a barista to get his order taken. Haechan tells out his order and since you didn’t have a chance to look, you just get whatever he got. “Don’t let it stress you, you’re out of his league anyway.” Haechan gave you a genuine smile and it always reminds you that no matter how insanely unhinged he may be, he always finds a way to make you smile. “Thanks hyuck.” You say, giving him a side hug as the three of you walk over to a table and wait for your order. “So what’s he like in bed, is he a grunter or is he more of a daddy?” You stare at Yangyang with a confused expression, leaning in to take a sip of your drink. “From what I’ve heard, he’s more like a ‘I want to hear you’ kinda guy.”

“Ew, c’mon y/n, you can do better than that.” Yangyang points his pastry at you in disappointment, earning a snicker from the boy beside you. “But can I? I mean no guy goes after me, not that I’m complaining honestly.” Haechan stood up from his seat, the sound of the chair dragging against the floor caught everyone’s attention. Slightly uncomfortable by all the eyes that were now directed at your table, you awkwardly tug on his sleeve. “What are you doing?” Haechan grunts, climbing on top of the table and stares around the room.

After the whole mess that Haechan made in the cafe, the three of you were kicked out and put on ban for the rest of the year. Both Haechan and Yangyang got an earful from you as they walked you back to your apartment, muttering little apologies and full hearted sorrys. By the time they had bid you goodbye, you tiredly unlocked your apartment and threw your bag on the couch upon entering. You were surprised to see your roommate walking in from the hallway, stopping as she saw you. “They’re not with you, are they?” When you shake your head no, she lets out a sigh of relief before continuing her way to the kitchen.

“Jeno told me he met them this morning.” You plop yourself onto the couch, letting out the breath you didn’t know you were holding. “He looked terrified by the experience.”

“Mortified is the word he used, but he wouldn’t be the first.” You laugh, sitting up to see her coming back from the kitchen with two cups. “He’s convinced hyuck and you are a thing.” You shrug, taking the cup from her hand thankfully. “When are y’all gonna make it official, it’s been what, three years?” You fake gag, shaking your head at the idea of you and Haechan dating. “I mean don’t get me wrong, he’s pretty damn good looking, but if he was really serious about me like he said then why is his dick used more than Amazon?” This made your roommate laugh, easing you to join in on the laugh. “Please, we all know that boy would cut it off if you gave him a chance.”

“Yeah, but I don’t think I see him like that.” Your roommate turns on the tv, getting comfortable with your bag when your phone starts vibrating repeatedly. You pull it from your pocket, scrolling down to see the messages you were missing.

bitchless bitches groupchat:

[12:02pm] sunshine 🐻: baby please 😭 don’t leave me hanging

[12:02pm] liu bitch: bro she is mad maD let her breathe 🤨

[12:03pm] sunshine 🐻: but I didn’t get a kiss goodbye 🤕

[12:04pm] liu bitch: bro nobody wants those concrete lips 😵‍💫

[12:04pm] sunshine 🐻: I’ll tell y/n what you did with her hamster freshman year

[12:05pm] liu bitch: ahaha you’re so funny haha look at those plump peaches you got 😍🥰🥹

[12:05pm] sunshine 🐻: BABY COME BACK

[12:05pm] sunshine 🐻: YOU CAN BLAME IT ALL ON HIM

[12:05pm] liu bitch: BITCH YOU WERE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO GRAB UR MEAT?!?!

[12:06pm] sunshine 🐻: I thought y/n was hungry 😞😞

[12:07pm] liu bitch: bro..get some help..more therapy and less weed..🔞

After scrolling through the group chat, you realize an unknown number messaged you an hour ago.

[10:59am] unknown: hey, my roommate gave me your number

[11:00am] unknown: this is Jeno btw Lee Jeno

Your roommate looks over at you, giving you a questioned look at your sudden cheeky smile. “Who’s got you kicking your feet like a playground crush.” You snicker, typing away at your phone to save his contact. “Huh?” Snapping out of your own thoughts, you realize she had leaned over your shoulder to get a better view of your sudden overload of happiness. “Jeno, huh, is there something I need to know.” She smirks at you, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. You groan, getting up from the couch and making your way to your room. The last thing you want is your roommate finding out about your not-so secret crush on her fuck buddy.

As you’re walking into your room, you feel your phone vibrating, lifting it up to see the caller ID. You answer the call, shutting your door behind you and when the call connects you brings the phone to your ear. “Can I help you, mister Lee?” He chuckles, shifting around on the other line while thinking of a logical reason he called. “I just wanted to make sure I got the right number, you left me on read so I thought Jaemin gave me a fake.”

“Since when did Jaemin get my number?”

“He said he has his ways, personally I think he got it from your friends.” You hum, figuring that he probably got access to your friends and they handed your number over for some exchange of other numbers or food. “Well now that you know it’s me, what’s up?” The last part comes out a little high pitched, not sure on what to say that makes this a less awkward conversation. “Nothing much, honestly.” You nod silently, sitting on your bed while looking around your room. The conversation died as quickly as it started up and it was starting to get awkward. “Well it was nice knowing you.” Jeno’s laugh made your heart swell as it rang through the phone, bringing a smile to your lips. “Really, that’s it?” You now join in on the laughter, shrugging to yourself. “I guess, I don’t know, this isn’t really a thing we do.”

“Why don’t we make it a thing we do?” You fall silent, trying to stop yourself from smiling any wider than you already were. “We’ll see when we get there.”

“See you when we get there, y/n.” When the line ended, you threw your phone down and started rubbing your cheeks to soothe the sore muscles from smiling too hard. Weeks passed after that call between you and Jeno, but not much has changed. He would come over on his usual routine to slip between your roommates legs, but now he would text you before to give you a heads up about the noise. It still stung every time he’d text you to slip in your headphones, but at least he would occasionally send you random texts throughout the day which was a plus in your book.

“What are you so smitten about?” Renjun, your classmate who you got partnered up with for a project, sends you a glare for spending so much time on your phone. “The bitches you don’t have.” Renjun, unbothered, rolls his eyes at you before returning his attention back to his laptop. Putting down the device in your hand, you glance down at your textbook that was propped up against the table and in your lap, sticking random colored sticky notes on paragraph’s that you’d need to revisit later. You’re almost halfway done with your project and you’re honestly hoping to finish it soon to regain some of your life (read: sleep) back.

“Are you okay, you look kind of..dead.” You glance up, eyes meeting with Renjun’s as you shake your head slowly. The two of you had been spending day and night working on this since it’ll cost you most of your final grade and the effect of it has really taken a toll on you both. Renjun just happens to be better at hiding it than you are, probably because he deals with worse things than stressing over the essay portion. “Go get some coffee to bring you back a bit.” Your eyes soften, slowly shutting your book with a smile.

“You’re godsend huang.” He snickers, waving you off as you get up from your seat and practically tackle him in his own. “Get off me before I blow the whistle.” He groans, trying to pry your arms from around him. Blowing a kiss, you grab your wallet and scurry away from the table and out of the library. The temperature outside warmed up a little compared to what was predicted, but it still was pretty chilly to be walking a far distance without a jacket. Despite the wind blowing against your exposed arms, you pushed through and made your way to the nearest cafe on campus.

As soon as you push the door open, you’re thankful it’s not crowded and that they had the heat on for all the poor frostbitten souls who made the walk here. You walk up to the counter, ordering two hot chocolates to go before standing off to the side waiting for your order. You get a weird sense that you’re being watched, but the fear of turning around and embarrassing yourself prevents you from looking over your shoulder. Just as you’re about to convince yourself you’re paranoid, you hear a voice from behind you say your name.

“Y/n.” Turning around, you nearly throat punch the last person you expected to creep up on you like he did. Jaemin ducks, smiling at you with an unreadable expression. “Easily scared I see, I thought you would’ve noticed I was looking at you by now.” You take a step back, one hand on your chest to assure your racing heart that violence is not always the answer. “You can’t just come up behind people like that.” Jaemin shrugs, throwing his arm around your shoulder. “Whatcha waiting on?”

“Drinks for me and Renjun.”

“Oh so you’re on a date?” He wiggles his eyebrows at you, making you nearly gag by his suggestive expression. “With Renjun, god no. Don’t get me wrong, he’s attractive, but he’s just a friend.” Jaemin nods, tapping his chin as if he was in deep thought. “So if you’re not seeing anyone, why haven’t you made a move on my muscle pig yet.” Taken aback, you miss the barista calling your name. Jaemin nudges you, bringing you somewhat back to your senses to get your order. You grab both drinks, contemplating throwing one in your face to see if you’re actually dreaming or not.

“Are we gonna stare at the lids or are we gonna go back to lover boy who’s waiting.” You give him a sour look, letting him lead you out the cafe with his arm still around your shoulder. As you two walk back to the library, Jaemin doesn’t let up on his teasing about you and his best friend, to which you ignore. “C’mon y/n, everybody knows it by now, I mean it’s kinda obvious.”

“You’ve literally only seen him around me a handful of times, how are you so sure I have feelings for him?”

“My spidy senses told me.” Shoving him with your arm, you finally manage to create some distance between the two of you as you re-enter the library. When you got back to Renjun, the boy who you were just talking about was sitting beside your empty chair, resting his head against your bag. “Oh thank god, I was about to call campus security if I had to listen to him ask where you were one more time.” Renjun, who looked way too thankful you returned, shut his laptop and reached out for his cup. After handing his over, you sit down beside Jeno who is eyeing you and Jaemin.

“What did I miss?” He asks, gesturing his finger between you and the boy who chose to sit on the other side of you. “Y/n just confessed her undying love for me at the cafe so I walked her back.” Jeno gave you a questioning look to which you shook your head and waved off. Somewhat satisfied, he silently watched you reopen your textbook while sipping slowly on the hot beverage.

You could feel his stare, making you loose focus as you try to go over in your head what exactly you need to remember and how to reword for your professor’s satisfaction. “What are you studying.” Jeno’s voice snaps you back into reality, not realizing how lost you had gotten in your own thoughts. Lifting the side of the book, you show him the cover to which he gives you an empathetic look. “It’s a required class for my major, trust me this was totally against my will.” His eyes crinkle up, forming into little crescents that bright a smile to your face. Unbeknownst to the both of you, Renjun and Jaemin were staring at you two, both utterly disgusted by the sight in front of them. “If it helps, depending on what professor you have, I can help you get some easy extra credit in case you bomb the project.”

“And what makes you think we’re gonna bomb it?” You turn more towards him, pushing your book onto the table. “The nauseating sight I just had to endure might be one reason.” Rolling your eyes, you ignore Renjun’s comment and prop your elbow onto the table. “Dunno, just food for thought.” You give his shoulder a slight shove, earning a laugh from him in return. “How can you even get me extra credit in a class you’re not taking?” Now sitting up, Jeno stretches his arms out which quite literally takes your breath away when you get a glance of his slightly exposed abdomen. “I used to be a TA for a couple of them.”

“Back when he wasn’t such a man whore, he used to actually be a model student.” You whip around in your chair, hitting Jaemin on his arm like a disappointed aunt. “Jaemin, that’s rude to call people whores.”

“But he was, ask the g-“ Jeno cleared his throat, exchanging looks with Jaemin to which you thought was kinda weird—kinda sus. Deciding that you’ve spent too much time wasting away in the library, you grab your things and start to pack them into your bag. “Where do you think you’re going?” Renjun, who was concentrating on whatever that was on his screen, looked up for a brief moment to see you about to leave. “Home, I’m gonna fall apart if I sit here any longer.”

“But you literally just got back from getting drinks.” You sling your bag over your shoulder, gripping it as you pout at Renjun. “But I’m so tired, I’ll work on it tonight I promise, I just can’t sit here any longer.” He sighs, knowing all too well not to argue with you. “Fine, but if you don’t have some work done by tonight, I know where you sleep.” You blow a kiss to him, waving goodbye to Jaemin as well when Jeno gets up and follows along your side.

“Where to?” You look up at him, exiting the library. “You’re coming with me?” He nods, pulling his keys out from the pocket of his jacket. “I don’t have anything else to do, besides it’s not like I’ve never been to your place before.” You nod, trying to push down the unsettling feeling that gave you when thinking about the exact reason he has been over to your place.

By the time the two of you made it back to your apartment, you got a total of eight minutes alone together for you to unload your bag before rapid knocking came from the other side of your door. Jeno, being the gentleman he is, answered the door for you while you laid on your floor in defeat already knowing who it was. “There she is, I told you she wasn’t hiding from me.” Haechan pointed down at you, smiling as he held a bag in his free hand. Yangyang groaned, pulling what seemed to be money from his pocket and slapping into Haechan’s hand. “Why can’t you hideout when Haechan is awake like normal people?” Yangyang maneuvered his way through Haechan and Jeno, who were standing in the space by your door and in the middle of your living room, and plopped down beside you.

“Let’s be honest, he’d still find me.” Yangyang nodded in agreement, propping himself up on his hands as he relaxed back. “Babygirl, why must you do me so wrong.” You threw up the middle finger at Haechan who was now man-spread on your couch. He blew you a kiss, followed with a wink before glancing over at Jeno who was still standing by the door. “What’s he doing here with you, alone at that.” Jeno looked between the three of you before laughing softly to himself and sitting down beside you on the floor. “We just got here actually, so there wasn’t much time for us to get anywhere you might be thinking.” Instantly, you felt your cheeks flood with warmth.

Haechan gasped, sitting up on your couch while staring at you. Yangyang snickered as you covered your face in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, you said what, you said you’re trying to slip your slippery and infested snake into my best friend?” Jeno’s face showed how disgusting he was with the description Haechan gave to his lower extremities, brushing it off when you sat up and caught his attention. “That’s it, out, both of you.” Yangyang looked at you, mouth agape as he scrambled to get off the floor and followed behind you as you went around to retrieve Haechan. “But baby, I was just being honest.” You shook your head at him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and started to guide( drag) him to your door.

“Why do I have to go when he’s the one who’s making things weird?”

“Because you live with him and are associated by default.” Much to Haechan’s protest, Yangyang pouted, but understood where you were coming from and took his friend and left after you shut the door. Jeno, who was still on the floor, was laughing so hard that his eyes crinkled up into little crescents. Your heart soared at the sight of his face when he laughs and you try to push down that bubbling feeling in your chest and make your way down your hall. “Where are you going?” He called out, getting up from where he was sitting and followed behind you. “I need a nap after that, my battery is now drained.” You entered your room, plopping down on your bed and immediately slipped underneath your blanket.

Jeno stood at the entrance of your room, looking around before settling his eyes on you. “No invitation?” Your half-closed eyes flutter over to him, mirroring his smile. “Didn’t know you needed an invitation to my bed.” After the words left you, you immediately realized how dirty it sounded. Jeno had this knowingly grin on his face as he slipped his hoodie off and tossed it somewhere on the floor before climbing into your bed and getting comfortable in the spot behind you. You mentally fought with yourself to not let the close proximity affect you, but you were loosing your own battle. Thankfully, your back was facing him and that helped you collect your self while your cheeks still felt the heat from your unfiltered comment.

You can’t exactly remember when you fell asleep, but by the time that you woke up, you felt a lot warmer than you did before your eyes closed. Jeno’s arm had found its way around your waist and rested against your stomach which closed in the space between you two. Staring over at your phone which was dinging repeatedly, you contemplated risking waking him up or letting your friends think you’ve fallen off the face of the earth due to your lack of reply. Trying to move discreetly, you lean over and grab your phone from your side table. Jeno started to stir behind you, gripping your waist a little bit which catches you by surprise. Trying to contain your composure, you lean a little further and finally grab the phone from and gasping when it nearly slips out of your grip.

Slipping back into the position you were in when you woke up, you unlock your phone to see a bunch of unread messages from your friends.

bitchless bitches groupchat:

[07:59pm] sunshine 🐻: baby don’t tell me you let that man put his bumpy butt near you..I can do so much better 🤕

[08:00pm] liu bitch: this is exactly why she kicked us out,, get some help bro fr

[08:00pm] sunshine 🐻: y/n loves me for who I am

[08:01pm] sunshine 🐻: right y/n?

[08:02pm] sunshine 🐻: y/n???

[08:06pm] liu bitch: bro what happened to y/n?

[08:07pm] sunshine 🐻: bro what if that bald eagle looking bitch seduced our girl..who else will deal w us 😭💔

[08:07pm] liu bitch: Y/N. DO NOT LEAVE ME ALONE WITH HIM

[08:08pm] sunshine 🐻: YEAH HES CRAZY

[08:11pm] sunshine 🐻: oh you meant me.. 💔

You seriously were reconsidering your friendship with those two after reading over the group chat. Scrolling through other missed notifications, you see your roommate texted you and for some reason you felt sick to your stomach.

[08:05pm] roomie <3: hey I’m omw home

[08:13pm] roomie <3: passed yanghyuck on my way in and they were crying..are they okay?

[08:21pm] roomie <3: checked in on you bc you’re quiet, saw you snuggling up to jeno??

[08:22pm] roomie <3: we def need to talk about this later, I’m heading out for now.

Swallowing thickly, you take a deep breath and let it out slowly while your mind ponders over what the talk with your roommate would be like later. “You’re tense, what’s wrong?” Hearing Jeno’s post-nap voice probably would’ve scared you if it wasn’t for the fear you already felt for facing your roommate later. “Good morning to you too.” He laughs, moving his arm from around you and stretching out as you roll onto your back. “Anything you wanna talk about?” Shaking your head, you rest your phone on your chest and try to calm the thoughts that were buzzing around in your head. Jeno noticed your change in demeanor, opting not to push you any further and instead look out your window and noticing how dark it had gotten.

“How long were we out for?”

“A couple hours, I think.”

Jeno pushes the blanket down as he climbs his way out of your bed, taking a moment to stretch once he was fully standing. Your mind is telling you to see if he’s looking at you, wanting and waiting for him to want you the way he wants her, but your heart has already had enough and doesn’t wanna push things any further than today. “I can’t believe we were out that long.” After fishing his phone out from his pocket, he checks the time and sucks air in through his teeth. “I’m gonna head out, probably won’t sleep tonight.” Your lack of response had him a little worried, looking over at you who was still laid still on your bed.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Deciding to sit up, your phone falls from your chest and lands backside on your bed. Just as you’re about to get out of bed, an incoming call comes through. Jeno looks down at your phone before looking back up at you, almost disappointed to see the caller id. “I’m gonna go.” He mouthed at you as you pick up your phone and answer the call. You give him a nod before he leaves your room and you carry on your call. “Oh hey, didn’t know you were here.” Just as he was leaving, your roommate came in the door. “Yeah, just was hanging with y/n.” She nods, setting down her coat and walks toward him. “Leaving?”

He nods, watching as her hands fiddle with the edge of his shirt. “Bummer, wished you’d stay for some extra company.” He knows all too well what she wants and he almost wants to say no, but isn’t exactly sure why. “Are you inviting me in for another night?” Her hands fall to her side, looking up at him with the most well acted pout. “Unfortunately, no, Yuta is coming over tonight and I just wanted to get you in before he came.” For some reason, he was hurt. Jeno already knew when he first started this with your roommate that it wasn’t a relationship and it didn’t have any rules to who you can and cannot mess around with. That didn’t ever stop the pain that he felt each time she blew him off for another one of her other nightly options.

“I’m just gonna go back to my dorm then, have fun.” Your roommate could tell he didn’t seem too into it, watching him leave before making her way to your room. You were on a FaceTime call with your old neighbor from your hometown. He and you remained pretty close friends throughout the years and every so often call one another to check in when it’s been too long. “I don’t get how you’re still failing to make the bread I taught you years ago, Mark it’s not even that hard to do.” As he defended his lack of baking skills, your roommate knocked on your doorframe to get your attention.

“Hey, I gotta go, but tell your mom to stop letting you bake alone because I’m not going to be responsible for you burning down your house.” After bidding goodbyes, you end the call while she makes her way onto your bed. “Mark still trying to cook?”

“Yeah and from what I’ve heard, it’s not going well.” She nods, leaning against your wall as she watched you fiddle with your phone. “Jeno just left.” Nodding, you set the device down in your lap and look over at her. “He seemed kinda upset, did something happen today?” Shaking your head, you can’t pinpoint the tone in her voice, but she didn’t look very pleased with whatever she was looking for. “Is there anything going on with you and him, you can tell me if there is.”

“Not that I know of, why does it matter though?” She hums, pushing up the polish off her nail with her fingers. “Seems like you two are just close, is all.” Letting out a deep breath, you watch as she flickers her eyes over to you. “We’ve been friends for a while now, I’ve been telling you this for weeks.” Snickering, she gets up from your bed while flicking her fingers to rid the excess chipped paint. “You can have him if you want him that bad y/n, no need to sneak around.” Getting up from your bed, you follow behind her. “I mean, I don’t blame you, he’s quite the treat between she sheets.” Her tone was one you were familiar with, but using it to bring Jeno down lit a flame within you that you didn’t know you had.

“Where’s this coming from exactly?” She dodges the question as the two of you leave the hallway and make your way out to the living room. “Why don’t you tell me, y/n?” With crossed arms, you lean against the wall as she picks up the purse she tossed on the couch you assume when she came in. “All I’m saying is if you came home and saw me tangled up with a guy you’re messing around with, you wouldn’t be too happy either.” Frustration was evident in the way she was huffing as she gathered her things from around the living room. “What the hell is that supposed to mean, last time I checked, you’re too busy chasing after Yuta to even care how he feels.”

“At least I know what I want and I go for it instead of harboring one-sided feelings for someone for years on end while it takes them years to even notice I exist.” Her words cut through you all at once, each anger fueled jab hitting a different part of you that was more sensitive than the last. Pressing your lips together, the stinging sensation in your eyes was starting to become too much to control as you fight away the tears. She can tell how badly it hurt and she almost feels sorry, but she too has her reasons to be upset and her pride protects her from letting herself feel hurt by hurting you. The two of you stood in place, silent filling the air mixed with tension and unsaid apologies.

A knock at the door caught both of your attentions and as much as you hoped she’d say something before she left, you were only left with disappointment as she turned the knob and slung the door open. Yuta stood on the other side, hands in his front pockets as he waited for her to greet him. He’s not much of a talkative person, so you’re not surprised when he steps aside for her to come out before she slams the door behind her shut. Your body starts to feel the weight of the argument and even though you’re not much of a confrontational person, it felt like all that was said needed to be said—maybe even more should’ve been added.

That night, you crawled back into your bed that still smelled like Jeno. His cologne lingering on the side where he slept and his pillow was still somehow warm. Your phone was going off repeatedly, guessing that it’s your friends blowing up the group chat that you’ve neglected since earlier. Wanting to check it and hope Haechan sent some dumb meme to bring a smile to your lips and somehow make you forget how guilty you feel for the situation you found yourself in, you opt out and turned your notifications off.

When the sunlight peaked through your blinds, you had no other choice but to get up. It’s your fault for not closing them last night, but in your defense—the headache from the sequence of events put too much on your mind to remember something as unimportant as closing your blinds. Now that they’re letting in the light that feels like it’s about damn near burning holes through your eyelids, maybe it was important after all. After getting out of bed and going to the bathroom, you realized midway through brushing your teeth that your phone had been oddly silent—that Haechan and Yangyang had been oddly silent.

Maybe it’s the universes way of treating you after being so rude with your waking up. Maybe you’ll finally get a day off from the two hooligans that you call friends. Maybe, just maybe you’ll be able to spend the day alone in your room avoiding everyone else in the world. After finishing up in the bathroom, you make your way down the hallway and into the kitchen. Starting on your breakfast, you see the sink is empty, signs that your roommate never came home. She usually leaves cups in the sink from the night before because she tends to get lazy and wait till the last minute to put things away.

With a heavy sigh, you make a mental note to text her after you’re done eating and grab the bowl in front of you. Plopping down at the table, you’re just about to pick up the spoon when you hear a knocking at your door. Dropping the spoon, you push back the chair and make your way towards the door. Something tells you that it’s probably Haechan and honestly you wouldn’t be surprised if Yangyang tagged along to drag you into whatever they came to mind. Opening the door to reveal a very standoffish Jeno was not what you were expecting—he was the last person you were expecting.

“Jeno? Did you forg-“

“She called it quits.”

The confusion was evident on your face, fueling whatever was stirring inside of him. Once it set in on who he was taking about, your mouth hung open a little as you take it all in. Jeno stepped in, running his fingers through his hair as he huffed through his nose. “Can you believe that? She texted me last night actually saying she didn’t wanna see me anymore and you’ll never guess why.” Turning towards him, you could feel in your chest where this was going and you weren’t quite sure on how well you’d take it. “She texted me that you and I had a thing that she didn’t want to mess up—that you and I—that she and I wouldn’t—no, couldn’t be whatever we were.” Signaling his finger between the two of you, he starts to pace around your living room.

“Jeno, I’m so so—“

“What did you say to her?”

With his hands on his hips, he continues to pace, only slowing down enough to try and calm himself down. You’d never seen him act this way before, his entire behavior from the moment he came to your door was making your head spin. “I didn’t say anything to her, we had an argument because she saw us cuddling in my bed, but that was it. Why do you assume this is my fault?” You were trying to protect yourself from getting anymore blows from his words, but each time he dared to look your way, you could see the rage in his eyes mixed with sadness and layers of emotions you had yet to recognize.

“I knew this was a bad idea, I just knew it.” You probably weren’t meant to hear that, seeing how he mumbled it to himself while stopping in the middle of the space he was taking up throughout his fall apart. “I loved her, despite the times she ditched me for other guys and despite me knowing I’d never be him, I still loved her and I wasn’t ready to let that go yet.” You could feel the emotions in the air choking you up, all the words you wish you’d say to him in this moment being shoved down to prevent his mess becoming even messier. “And you, god fucking hell, you came along and all it took was one nap to fuck that all up?”

Maybe it was the tears falling down his face that convinced your own to follow, maybe it was the pain in your chest that took the blow from his hurtful words—maybe it was a combination of it all along with the unspoken feelings you’ve had for him since forever; whatever it was, it hurt. “Are you even gonna say anything?” His state of mind wasn’t ready for what you were about to say, but you knew if you didn’t do it now then you’d probably never get the chance to do it again. Regardless of how sorry you are and how badly you wish you could go back and tell yourself to keep the distance you maintained with him from the beginning, nothing would change how differently he looks at you now.

“I love you, I’m sorry for the hurt I’ve caused you and I’m sorry I’m saying this just now.” First they were a couple drops at a time, rolling down your cheeks like the softness of a breeze, now cascading down your face as if they were in a race—your tears were the only escape for the emotions you were harboring all this time. Jeno was quiet, body going stiff at your sudden confession. Without a word, he passed you by as he left your apartment.

Many months pass since the day Jeno left your apartment, a concession from you and a rejection from your roommate. In the amount of time that’s gone by, you and your roommate decided to go your separate ways—finding it the best option since the tension between you two had gotten too much to bare. Haechan had found you crying on your kitchen floor hours after you had confessed to Jeno, he immediately called backup—Yangyang—and the two of them kept you company for what felt like weeks. Seeing how they didn’t leave your side for a second, not even to go to the bathroom, it probably was a couple weeks. You moved in with Yangyang and Haechan till you could find your own place and instead of that option coming up first, Yangyang actually moved out instead with his now girlfriend. Seems like he can pull bitches after all.

With you and hyuck now occupying the apartment, not much really changed between you. Actually—that’s a fucking lie. A couple weeks after Yangyang moved out, the two of you started to get oddly closer than you were expecting and Haechan confessed his feelings for you. You weren’t expecting it nor were you sure how to take it—but he was more than understanding and told you not to give up on him while you heal. And you didn’t, you let yourself finally feel free as you moved on from the one guy you liked for so long and in the process, Haechan’s relentless flirting finally won you over and you two went on a couple dates before sealing the relationship.

The four of you—Haechan, Yangyang, Yangyang’s girlfriend Winter and you were all sitting together in the campus cafeteria while the boys worked on a project together. “I’m telling you that it’s wrong and when we get a shit grade you’re gonna be mad.” Haechan was trying to reason with Yangyang, but Yangyang was sure he was right about whatever they were working on. You’re too busy laughing with Winter to pay attention to them until you spot a pair of familiar faces across the room. Jaemin was walking with Jeno, both boys holding different snacks in each hand.

You and Jaemin had seen each other around campus after the fight happened and judging by his sympathetic looks he gave you, he knew what all went down. After you began to heal and ended up with Haechan, he was one of the first people to congratulate you and wish you the best. Since, you two occasionally pass by each other and make room for small talk in between classes. Jeno on the other hand, you hadn’t talked to him sense and even though you still saw him around, he never looked your way—even if he knew you were nearby. Now your eyes are locked with his and there’s a longing look from him that makes you frown a little.

“I think you should go talk to him.” You’re snapped out of your thoughts by Haechan’s voice and the feeling of his warm hand on your thigh. “Get the closure you need baby, I’ll be here when you’re ready.” A smile instantly spreads across your lips and you can’t thank the universe enough for bringing him into your life. Getting up from your seat, you move through the crowd and see Jaemin say something to Jeno before walking off. “Hey.” You practically breathe out the sentence as you approach him. “Hey.”

“How’ve you been?” You can tell this is just an awkward for him as it is for you, but you’re determined to persevere and try and make do with the little small talk you have. “Good, not too bad, you?” Shrugging, you quickly think back to the previous months and try to get an honest answer. “Honestly, I’ve been pretty good myself.” He only nods, fidgeting with the bags in his hands as he avoids your eyes. “I heard about you and Haechan, congratulations by the way.” A small smile spreads across your face, bringing one to his own as well. “Thank you Jeno, that means a lot to me.”

“It’s the least I can do for what I said to you, I’m sorry about that by the way. I never should’ve said that to you or did anything the way I did that day.” You can practically the weight being lifted off his shoulders, his posture becoming more relaxed as he takes in a breath. “Me too, I know I shouldn’t have put myself between the two of you, but I was being selfish in the attention I got from you—even if it was short lived.”

The conversation falls silent between you two and you’re stuck wondering what it would’ve been like if you two carried on—became more, but knowing what you have now, you wouldn’t go back. “I’ll see you around y/n.” Waving him off, you turn around and head back to the table where the rest are sitting. As you sit back in the spot next to Haechan, he instantly wraps his arm around you and pulls you close. With a soft kiss to your forehead, he assures you all will be well. Melting into his embrace, you feel your phone go off and pull it from your pocket. Seeing that Jeno messaged you, you weren’t exactly sure what he would’ve needed seeing how he was just with you seconds ago. Opening up the message, you see a picture of you and him back when you were still young. The two of you were at a field trip that the school had taken you on and you remember specifically scolding him for wearing a long sleeved shirt when it was hot. Even at a young age, he wasn’t the chattiest kid and told you to leave him be and let him enjoy his ice cream.

Needless to say, the ice cream got all over his shirt and underneath the sleeves due to his messiness and from there, your love for him bloomed. Something about young Jeno with a pouty face and ice cream all over him really got your butterflies kicking—not exactly sure why, but seeing how you ended up with Haechan, you don’t question much anymore. Sometimes, you wish you could tell yourself what to expect when things get hard and how to brace yourself for it, but maybe that’s the element of surprise. Maybe we’re not meant to know where this journey will take us and maybe that’s the thrill of it all, going down a pathway and hoping for the best. That’s all you can do, hope for the best each time you pass him and remember the day he got his ice cream all over the sleeves of shirt. . Regardless of how long it’s been and how far your love for him has gone—that moment will always linger in the heart of the girl you were back in middle school.

©︎𝐋𝐈𝐋𝐈𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐔𝐍., 2023

[taestefully-in-luv]

Love Again | PJM (Fifteen-FINAL)

Summary: A friend of yours is eager to introduce you to her new man but what happens when Park Jimin, the man who broke your heart 5 years ago walks in through the door?

Pairing: Jimin x Female reader

Genre: exes au, exes to ???, fluff, angst, smut

Word Count: 16.1k

Warnings: swearing, alcohol consumption, mourning, stages of grief, heartache, guilt, crying yeah lots of crying, dealing with death/loss of a loved one, graveyard, mentions of sex, another character death (sorry), mention of funeral, lots of closure!!! Full circle moments! Lots of sweet moments that make me cry lol, tons of DIRTY TALK, oral (fem rec), super sensitive oc, unprotected sex, creampie, honestly they’re both sensitive and desperate as hell lol oh and the use of the word ‘slut’

Notes: It’s the last chapter of this series. Thank you to everyone who has stuck around or is new. I’m sad its over but I hope you’ve enjoyed this crazy ride. Lots of love. Send an ask to chat about the story, makes my day<3 

Previously on…in chapter 14 of Love again, Jimin is feeling jealous and he just really wants to talk to you. Jimin has finally had enough and Jungkook thinks it’s the perfect time to let the universe work its magic. Jimin confesses his feelings he has and you two decide to try a low key relationship. Jeremy finally confesses to Naomi and they get together! It’s almost perfect but something is wrong with Jimin and you’re about to find out what. 

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Today is a big day. The kind of big day that is talked about for years and years to come and the kind of day most have fantasized about since years and years ago. So, of course you are staring at yourself in the mirror, feeling nervous as you wonder if your make up is good enough or if this was actually the perfect dress choice. It’s a day of love. It makes sense that you are nervous. This is marriage. And weddings need to go smoothly so obviously you feel on edge! It’s natural. Or is it? It’s not like it’s your wedding. 

But well, you are the maid of honor. 

It’s the end of September, a little over a year since Naomi and Jeremy got together. Honestly, it only feels like yesterday—June 3rd—when Jeremy confessed his feelings to Naomi. It was the same day Jimin had his opening show and you all celebrated at Hoseok’s house and Jeremy poured his heart to Naomi in Hoseok’s kitchen. You shudder remembering the absolute cringe that unfolded in that kitchen but damn, it was soJeremy and you remember Naomi’s smile and you realize she wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

You catch your reflection again as you quite literally reflect on the last year of everyone’s lives. How that night brought everyone here now, the good, the bad, the ugly. And also everything so beautiful. 

June 3rd of last year 

As distracted as Jimin is tonight, his eyes find you so often and he’s hit with adoration but also guilt. Maybe guilt isn’t the right word but it’s the only one that feels good enough right now. He feels guilty because he is guilty. In so many ways that crush him and every time he sees you smiling with your friends it just grows more and more. 

But sometimes even for the first few moments when his eyes land on you, before the guilt settles, he feels love. Love because he loves you. And it’s obvious to more than just him.

“Damn, dude.” Jungkook comes next to him, drink in hand as he uses the cup to gesture towards you. “You look like you’re in love.”

Jimin wants to roll his eyes and tell Jungkook to leave him alone but his love for you betrays him because he just softly whispers, “I am.” Instead. 

“Does she know?” Jungkook leans into him, smell of alcohol leaves his mouth. “Because—”

“She knows.” Jimin answers simply, a barely there smile tugging at his lips. 

“Oh.” Jungkook leans away, before prying further. “Are you two—”

“Yeah.” Jimin answers, knowing exactly where the question was headed. “We are.” 

Jungkook’s eyes widen just the slightest before his entire expression shifts. Shit eating grin taking over before he bumps Jimin’s shoulder. “Then I guess I should say ‘you’re welcome’ huh?” 

Jimin finally tears his eyes off you before raising a brow at Jungkook.

“Yeah, you should probably invite me to your wedding.” Jungkook raises his cup towards Jimin with a smirk on his face.

“I didn’t even want to invite you here.” Jimin deadpans.

“Well, at least it worked this time.”

“What did?”

“Me and Taehyung had a similar plan years ago.” Jungkook exhales a long breath, finally ready to admit their shenanigans. “We thought if you saw y/n get pursued by others that you wouldn’t want to risk leaving her…ya know,” He starts gesturing around with his hands, “She’s so amazing and hot and everyone will jump at the opportunity at her, blah, blah, blah. And you wouldn’t want anyone else to snatch her up! We thought if you saw this…then you wouldn’t leave for New York and you’d stay instead…but well,” Jungkook just shrugs.

“You knew about New York? Taehyung told you?” Jimin’s brows pull together as he tries to make sense of what he was just told.

“Yeah, he did. Don’t be mad…he just didn’t know what to do.” Jungkook shrugs again. “He couldn’t really tell his best friend not to follow his dreams but he also knew y/n wouldn’t want to follow…”

“Well, he was right, I guess.”

“You kept the secret from y/n that entire fourth year, didn’t you?”

“I didn’t think it would go anywhere…the audition, I mean.” Jimin sighs, “But in the spring they wanted to fly me out and I couldn’t keep it from her anymore.”

“Eh, whatever. Past is in the past.” Jungkook brushes it off, smirk back on his face. “What matters is the plan worked this time! You had nothing to worry about though. I mean, don’t get me wrong, y/n is…super cool and oh my god, so freaking hot like dam—”

“Jungkook.” Jimin says his name in warning.

“My bad. Habit.” Jungkook raises his hands in surrender. “Point is, she is just a friend. Just wanted to rile you up, buddy.” 

Jimin narrows his eyes for a second before asking, “So you aren’t a girlfriend stealer?” 

“Dude, I can’t even find a decent single girl. So, no.” Jungkook chuckles. 

Jimin joins Jungkook in laughing, shaking his head at how ridiculous Jungkook is and the entire plan he had with Taehyung…he can believe it though. Suddenly, Jimin’s laughter dies down and any trace of a smile is wiped from his face when he feels his phone buzzing for what feels like the millionth time tonight. He takes it from his pocket and scans the screen before his sour mood returns tenfold. 

“You okay?” Jungkook asks, quickly noticing the shift. 

“I’ll take it from here.” Both boys lift their heads to the sound of Taehyung’s voice as he walks up to them. He’s clearly been well aware of Jimin’s mood lately. And he’s ready to confront it. Jungkook nods his head, getting the hint before squeezing Jimin’s shoulder and joining everyone else in the kitchen.

“Hello, my favorite person in the world!” Taehyung grins at Jimin before leaning against the living room wall. His smile turns soft before he calmly requests, “Let’s talk.” And talk is exactly what they do. Jimin explains everything. All of it. And of course, it breaks Taehyung’s heart.

“These feelings won’t just go away…the feelings won’t just leave you, man.” Taehyung’s voice is quiet, soft and troubled. “They don’t hate you.” He tries to reassure his best friend, “But what breaks my heart, Jimin, is that I think that it’s you who does.” 

It’s a truth Jimin knows already. But to hear it from someone who has always kept it real with him and has always warned him and has always helped him…he just feels it is solidified. And at this point, all he yearns for is comfort and the person he needs it from most is you. Even though his emotions are starting to spill from him and go all over the place, he wants to try to rely on comfort alone but he also knows he needs to be honest. 

Jimin walks into the kitchen, his gaze set on you as he sees you at the counter, pouring yourself a glass of water. He comes from behind you, arms wrapping around your waist as he plants a few kisses to your neck. He doesn’t care about anyone seeing. You turn in his grasp, a curious look on your face as you glance around.

“Jimin?” You question him cutely and he wants to melt. “You’re making it quite obvious, you know?” He knows. And he doesn’t care. You’re laughing a little but you grow serious as you look at him and he knows you’re well aware of how utterly down and pathetic he looks. “Hey,” You brush some hair from his eyes, “Everything okay?”

“Not really.” He answers you honestly. Because honest is what he needs to be. 

~

Once the door to Hoseok’s back yard is shut, you and Jimin walk towards the end of the pavement where grass is met. It’s gotten later, the moon rising higher in the sky with a few stars scattered here and there. You brought Jimin out here so you two could have some privacy to talk and you feel nervous but ready to hear what’s been going on with him.

“You know,” Jimin looks down at the ground, “I’m trying so hard to convince myself I’m not a bad person because you don’t deserve a bad person. Even though I know I am.” 

Your heart is already picking up in speed, nerves setting fire to every molecule in your body. Blood being poisoned with his words. 

“Jimin…” You go to stand a little closer to him, “What are you—”

“Emma’s parents reached out to me.” He admits while his throat burns. “They called me like a week ago. They told me they were hosting a gathering to celebrate Emma’s life…and they invited me. Not just invited but rather…” He pauses, foot kicking imaginary rocks. “They were pretty insistent that I go.”

“Why now?” You ask slowly.

“They want to go public with the accident.” Jimin tells you. “They paid a lot of money at the time for things to stay very private. But now…” He starts chewing on his lips, eyes on his black dress shoes. “They believe in order for them to really move forward from grieving…they want to face it and accept it. So, they want to celebrate her life and they told me it’s something I should be there for…considering…”

“Oh.” You nod, trying to process everything. You think you can understand her parents perspective…they want to move forward—a healthy thing to do—instead of burying. “When is it?”

“It was tonight.” Jimin’s voice is quiet. “But tonight was opening night. And honestly,” He chuckles bitterly, “Even if it wasn’t…how could I show myself to them?” He finally lifts his eyes, head turning towards you with a pained expression. “I killed their daughter.”

“Woah, hey…” You immediately shake your head, brows pulled together so closely. “Jimin—”

“They’re disappointed I didn’t show.” He tells you, “Her father hasn’t exactly said kind words to me all evening.” 

“Oh.” You think about it for a moment. All the times he’s looked at his phone with a frown. “He’s just acting out, Jimin…I don’t know what he’s said but—”

“I’m selfish.” He croaks out. “Selfish for so many things and you know it.” 

“What?” You look at him, puzzled. “I don’t think that of you.”

“I am.” He says with a set mind. “I could go on and on—”

“No, you couldn’t.” You try to steer him away but he isn’t having it.

“I couldn’t?” He asks, “Seriously? Okay.” He nods. “What we had…” He motions between your bodies, “Was great. More than great. But I still left you for New York. You suffered, y/n…while I…and I am selfish for missing tonight when it is all my fault. If I never went to New York, I would have never broke your heart. If I never went to New York,” He pauses, throat still burning as his eyes sting. “Emma would still be alive.” 

Your heart has dropped to your lower belly, dying there, struggling to beat anymore.

“Me going to New York ruined everyone’s lives, huh?” He asks you, knowing no answer you could give will change his mind. He’s staring at you, teary eyes boring into yours. “I’m here. I’m the one who is here. It shouldn’t be me. Why is it me? Why am I the one who is here?” 

The pain in his eyes is enough to know his heartache won’t be easy to soothe. You know his guilt has become all-consuming and for the first time, you actually don’t know how to comfort him.

You’re at a loss for words. Mouth hanging open, your own teary eyes blinking at him repeatedly because you can’t fathom his overwhelming feelings and you cannot know what he is going through. 

He stares at you, growing more and more emotional and your lack of response is sending him into a spiral now. You want to reach for him or say something—anything—but you’re feeling broken as you watch him begin to stutter out apologies, voice cracking and eyes beginning to shed his mournful tears. He repeats his words over and over. Between ‘I’m sorry’s’ and ‘I don’t deserve you’s’, you see how he breaks further and further into a mess. And then he says the most heartbreaking thing of all.

“I love you but I’m not the man I want or need to be for you.”

You feel it. You feel his words before he even says them. You are surprised though…you understand where this is going and what exactly he is implying. You understand completely even if you are still trying to make words come out. You understand his desire to step away from you, from the both of you. And you feel your heart breaking. He’s breaking your heart again.

But this ache you are feeling isn’t because of what he is saying that you are completely understanding. Your heart is broken and aching only because his heart is broken and aching. It’s that simple. You aren’t sad because of his implication. You’re sad because he’s sad. 

As much as you want to believe hugging him and telling him you love him will be what he needs, you know it’s not enough. You might have the ability to soothe him, but you do not possess the ability to heal him. It has only been over a year since he’s faced this loss…he’s grieving. And the biggest issue is…he isn’t even grieving properly. You’re aware there’s stages to this—five, you’re sure.

There’s Denial. You know that after the accident, Jimin tried so hard to live his life normally…he still went to work, rehearsals every single day despite needing literally anything else. Then, there’s Anger. His outburst at work. The drunkenness, attempts at fighting and harsh words. Third, there is Bargaining. You weren’t there so you don’t know exactly how this one was for him but even a few minutes ago he was blaming himself for Emma’s death and going as far as saying if he never want to New York that she would still be alive. 

Next, is Depression. And you think this is the stage he has been stuck in since coming back home from New York. He isolated himself…words from Lucy who saw it herself. He wanted nothing to do with anyone or anything. Never smiled or laughed. He omitted joy. But thankfully he found Lucy who seemed to help him and he was able to see a little light. 

But the light was just the sun barely peaking from dark, heavy clouds and perhaps you and your friends kept those clouds from crying rain over him. But you don’t think the clouds have dissipated quite yet. He hasn’t fully seen the sun.

And he deserves the sun.

Last, is Acceptance. Probably the stage that feels impossible. And it is definitely the stage he hasn’t experienced. You stand here, watching as he cries his heart out in front of you. Soft sobs leaving his body, looking frail, weak, fragile. Finally, you know what to say. Since you cannot heal…you’ll soothe. 

“Aren’t you the one who said the past is set in stone—you can’t change it—and you wouldn’t want to. Remember, why explore the ‘what ifs’?” You begin, but you see in his eyes he already hates this. But you continue, “Things happen the way they do, Jimin. That’s it. That’s life.” 

Jimin continues to cry silently, eyes on you but he’s confused where this is going.

“You did great things in New York, Jimin.” Your tone grows softer. “You created loving, everlasting memories. You wouldn’t change that, right?” He cries harder. “And me?” You point to yourself, “I grew up. I met my best friends who mean the world to me…I grew more independent and spent so much time with others.”

Jimin can’t bring himself to respond to anything yet and you’re glad because you aren’t done.

“And you gave Emma you.” You say to him as tenderly as possible. He parts his lips but no words come out, just a deep sob as he finally lets himself break down. “You don’t know what her fate was even if you weren’t involved in her life. Trust me, as someone who has experienced love with you…she wouldn’t have traded it for the world.” 

Jimin lowers himself to the ground, face buried in his hands. “Also,” You continue as you look up at the moon. The pretty moon. The moon who deserves the sun. He deserves the sun. The sun to reflect its light to make him shine. “Don’t say you aren’t the man you need to be for me.” You glance down at him before squatting down to his level. You cup his cheek and add, “Love yourself and be the man you need to be for you. You’re already everything to me, Jimin.”

He lifts his face, cracking a small smile through his snot and tears. “You aren’t letting this end between us, are you?”

“No.” you return his smile. “Not exactly, anyway. We’re a team. No matter what kind of relationship we have.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You nod. “I think you should see someone. A professional. And that’s a you thing…so I will respect these boundaries so you can heal…even as a friend…” You use your thumb to wipe some tears from his cheek, “I will never leave your side.”

August of last year

“I’m serious!” Naomi points down at the lunch menu, “The prices went up!” 

“You’re right…” Jeremy whines, “We are loyal customers here. How could they do this to us?”

“Ah ha!” Hoseok wiggles in his spot out of excitement, phone in his hands. “Dae finally sent me the actual dance competition video. She finally found it.” He looks up at you, his phone suddenly sliding to the side on the table at your usual lunch place. “Ready to watch it and see how I was so wronged that day?”

“She didn’t just send you sex videos again, right?” You can’t help but chuckle, pretending to slide his phone back. “Not something I want to see.” You pretend to gag while your best friend rolls his eyes.

“You aren’t so lucky.” He scoffs, “But anyway, no. This is the actual video! Let’s watch it!” And now he is scooting his chair closer to you, his finger itching to play it already.

“Fine.” Now you’re the one playfully rolling your eyes as you show him some finger quotes. “Let’s see how you were ‘so wronged’ in how Dae won.” 

“Trust me. I deserved to win.” Hoseok’s finger finally pushes against the screen as he plays the video. “Okay, watch here…see how I…wait, damn.” He pushes his head back in slight shock, “Did she really do that move…I don’t even remember.”

“Oh, she is good.”

“Yeah, but not bett—wait, okay see my immaculate foot work? Yeah, I’m a star!” He grins proudly as he watches. “Damn, wait. She just did the perfect moon walk. But no, still…I should have…hold on.” He pauses the video before looking at you. “There’s no way she was this good?”

“Weren’t you aware?”

He plays the video again. “Okay, you cannot tell me I am not moving to the beat. The rhythm is—hold on, did she just…there’s no way she…maybe she is good…”

“Didn’t you think so at the time too?” You start teasing him, “Isn’t that why you hated her and got horny and wanted to…oh what was it? Teach her a lesson?”

“Shut up.” He grumbles as he keeps watching. “Holy shit…maybe she did deserve to win.” You laugh at this but he immediately shakes his head in denial. “No, no. I’m just blinded because I’m in love. I totally deserved to win.”

You’re about to laugh again and continue to tease him when you realize what he said, “What did you just say?”

“That I totally deserved to win.” He keeps his eyes focused on the video.

“No…” You say slowly, “Before that.”

“Oh. That I’m blinded because I’m in….oh.”

“Love?” You punch his shoulder, smile on your face. “You just admitted you’re—”

Hoseok’s wide eyes meet yours, “No, that’s not what…we’ve only been dating for a few…no…holy shit.” He starts nodding his head as he stares at you. “Oh my god, I am.” 

You laugh, while Naomi and Jeremy laugh as well at the entire conversation. You look at your best friend, totally endeared before you pinch his cheek and he tries to swat you away. “Happy for you.” You tell him softly, “And she’d probably be happy to hear it too.” And then you release his cheek before swiping a fry from his plate.

“Hey!” Hoseok whines, “I thought you were done stealing my fries! You steal Jimin’s now!”

“Speaking of Jimin,” Naomi looks up from her menu, “Where is he?”

“It’s Thursday, Naomi.” Jeremy reminds her, “He has his appointment today.”

“Oh, that’s right!” She nods along then her eyes find yours and you see her sincerity. “How is that going by the way?”

All eyes on you as your friends wait for a positive response, “It’s going well.” You tell them honestly, “I think it took him a minute to get warmed up but there’s been progress.” You say with a smile, happy that all of your friends finally know about Jimin’s past and reasons for leaving New York. “Mr. Smith has been so great with him…he cares so much about Jimin, obviously. He gives him every Thursday off so he can just relax since it can be emotionally draining.”

“That’s awesome.” Naomi leans into Jeremy’s shoulder as she grins. “Progress, even a little, is everything.”

“Yeah.” Hoseok agrees, “He deserves to be happy.”

“He does.” You say before you click your phone as see the time. “Oh shit! We need to order or we are going to be late going back to work!”

September of last year

You’re at your desk, tension between your shoulders as usual as you try to finish this report before the deadline. You’re almost done—or maybe you’re just about to give up—when you feel that someone is behind you. You spin in your chair to see Jungkook staring at your screen before he’s blowing out air through his mouth and he sighs to himself.

“I’m going to miss this.” He complains so suddenly, breaking his whole character of being so serious at work. “I can’t believe today is my last day being your boss!” He finds your eyes now before he’s smirking. “But don’t worry, you can still totally call me Mr. Jeon.”

You swat his stomach and he flinches, “Hey!” He pouts at you, “You’re fired!”

“Yeah, yeah.” You brush him off with a laugh. “We’re going to miss you here too though. But we will still hang out!” 

“Of course we will.” Jungkook grins at you, “I’ll miss telling you what to do though.” He winks before walking over to Jeremy’s desk and you hear him immediately scolding him. 

You shake your head with a smile, eyes going back to your computer screen before you remember something that has you pulling out your phone and opening a text thread you haven’t seen in a little while.

y/n 2:32pm

Happy Birthday!!!! 🥳 I hope this book tour has been everything you’ve dreamed of and more. And I hope your birthday has been super amazing! ☺️

Namjoon 2:35pm

Thanks y/n 😊 it has been more than amazing. Just finished up our last stop and then I will get ready since Emiko and I are going to get dinner to celebrate. Thanks for the birthday text, hope you’ve been doing well.

You smile down at your phone before you click it off and get back to work.

October of last year

You can’t but laugh in your spot as you watch Jimin grow a little red from how loudly Taehyung is shouting at everyone who walks by. “It’s my best friends birthday!” He yells over and over, drunkenly slurring his words as he wraps his arm around Jimin’s shoulders. “Wish him a happy birthday you non-birthday wenches.”

“Wenches?” Jimin rubs his temple, “Interesting word choice.”

“It just feels so right.” Taehyung nods, determined look in his eyes. “Doesn’t it?”

“It’s not nice.” Jimin deadpans.

“Wait, you’re right.” Taehyung nods again, “I’m supposed to be finding the love of my life. Let me try again…hello,” He stops a group of girls who are walking by, they stop and stare at Taehyung, expecting him to get on with it. “It is my best friends birthday and you guys are just way too beautiful to not tell him and by him drinks.”

“We’re good.” One of the girls says before she looks at Jimin, “Happy birthday though.”

“Fine, by me a drink then.” Taehyung slurs. 

“No thanks.” Another girl says, eyebrow quirked at drunk Taehyung.

“No thanks? Don’t you want to fall in love?!?!?” Taehyung starts complaining now but it’s to no one since the girls have now walked away. “Why is love so hard?!” 

“Taehyung.” Jimin smiles at him.

“I’m lonely and no one wants me.”

“You just have to meet the right girl! You’re meeting all the wrong ones.” Jimin tries to make him feel better. “Don’t force it! Before you know it, you’ll be randomly meeting a girl who is just like you!”

“That probably doesn’t exist. I’m the only one of my kind.” Taehyung slumps his shoulders. “Anyway, since it’s your birthday I think we can convince y/n to have a threesome with us—” He stops when he sees Jimin’s unenthused expression. “Okay, I’m going to the bar where Hoseok and Jeremy are, they’re downing shots like men. I too am a man.” He waddles away while Jimin chuckles to himself before his eyes find you. He gives you a small wave.

You go to him, where he stands on the other side of the tall table, arms wrapping around him as you give him another hug. “Happy birthday again.” You say. He smells so nice. So Jimin and you melt, wanting nothing more than to just stay here, inhaling him for all he’s worth and living like this. But you know you have to pull away.

“Thanks.” He keeps you stuck to his body for a moment longer before letting you disconnect yourself. 

“Thanks for being born.” You smile, “Thanks for being here. I’m glad you are.”

Something similar to the guilt he’s been harboring for a while now flashes in his eyes. The same guilt you had been exposed to. But after a moment it’s replaced with an honest softness before he’s smiling, “Me too.” And you know he’s telling the truth. “Mr. Smith says to stop by more often. He says show days isn’t enough. You owe him, according to him.”

“I owe him?” You raise a brow in amusement. “How so?”

“He told me he only increased my pay so I could take you out on dates.” He’s playful as he speaks, “Like the old days.”

You laugh a little, cheeks feeling warm before you speak. “Doesn’t he know there’s no dates?” 

“He said I can just save up and take you on one in the future but it has to be fancy, I guess.” He shrugs. 

“Also,” You still feel your cheeks heating up. “What about the old days?”

“I used to beg him to pay me more so I could take you out.” Jimin’s lips lift into one of his sly smiles. “How else could I afford it?”

Now you’re really laughing, “Jimin, the most expensive date we ever went on was watching two movies in one night.”

“Movies are expensive! I bought us popcorn! And drinks! And candy! You think money grows on trees?” Jimin’s lips are in a puffy pout with big, exaggerated eyes. “I didn’t know you were so ungrateful.” He jokes, eyes softening.

“I’m not!” You defend yourself, “I don’t care what we do or what we did! Just liked being with you…” You mumble, eyes sliding to the side.

“Is that so?” Jimin’s voice drops a little lower, “Then you’re happy right now then? Even like this…” He pauses, waiting for you to get his implication. “You’re happy?”

“Even like this.” You assure him. “Now let’s join the others. I think Jungkook said he brought a birthday surprise for you but is waiting until we get back to my place.”

“It’s fucking brownies, isn’t it?” 

“It’s Jungkook…what do you think?”

December of last year

Jimin 7:14pm

Merry Christmas again y/n 🥰 have you and your family had dinner yet? My mom asked about you probably around 8 times now lol she won’t stop bringing you up since the show last month

Jimin 7:15pm

She also wont stop telling me youre going to get a boyfriend at any minute since youre so beautiful 

Jimin 7:15pm

I mean shes not wrong but 🙄

y/n 7:42pm

sorry we were still eating! We had a late start bc my mom insisted to do everything herself but then complained when no one helped her lmao

y/n 7:42pm

but yes merry Christmas again hehe

y/n 7:42pm

and tell your mom no boyfriend for me 

Jimin 7:45pm

She is really happy were in each others life tho

Jimin 7:45pm

Im also happy about that

y/n 7:58pm

me too jiminie 

Jimin 8:14pm

Also…im still sorry about last week

y/n 8:51pm

you were drunk its okay plus its not like I was going to stop you

Jimin 8:51pm

Its not fair though…for you. I don’t want you to think I don’t take where our friendship is at seriously. I shouldn’t have tried to kiss you when im still so….

Jimin 8:52pm

You mean so much to me and I I wouldn’t do that to you

y/n 8:53pm

its really not a big deal dude lol seriously! 

Jimin 9:02pm

Me wanting to kiss you feels like a big deal tho 🙃 but I get what you mean but im still sorry 

Jimin 9:02pm

I hope I can kiss you again one day in different circumstances 

y/n 9:05pm

jimin im sorry but maybe we can just change the subject for now…got any presents yet?

February (current year)

It’s one day before your best friend, yes your absolute bestest friend in the entire world or even universe’s birthday. Jung Hoseok. And you wish you were staying up with him until midnight to celebrate his life because he deserves it. He’s your closest most special friend, he is your family. And you couldn’t be further away from him. And he couldn’t be more understanding. 

Because he knows how important this is. 

It’s your second time ever visiting New York, it’s cold, freezing even, but watching Jimin gives you an undeniable warmth rushing through your body. You’re both here, visiting this city with a purpose. Different purposes…yours is to merely support—to just be here. 

There’s snow falling all around you, snowflakes decorating the ground, the trees and the tombstones. Your back is against a tree, the trunk is thick and the leaves that never managed to fall covered in snow. Your eyes are on the scenery around you and falling to Jimin every now and then, his side profile in view. The bridge of his nose, the plumpness of his lips and his head of hair hiding beneath a black beanie. He’s not too far from you, his figure standing tall as he holds a bouquet of flowers while he stares down at the grave. 

This was his idea—or maybe it was his therapists—either way, you know it’s necessary. Necessary for him so he can move on…more forward. Receive closure, perhaps. But of course, you know this isn’t easy for him, no matter how bravely he announced to you that he wanted to do this. He didn’t hesitate to ask you to join him and you didn’t hesitate to agree to come along. And Hoseok didn’t hesitate in urging you as well. 

He’s been standing there for a while, eyes so focused on the name on the tombstone. Emma Dubois. You can sense how tense he is, staring down and you can basically physically see the millions of words in his head. You stay leaning against the tree when you notice Jimin finally slowly fall to his knees on the grave, his shaky hands placing the flowers down as he bows his head. 

It’s the two year anniversary of her death today. This isn’t easy for him. He’s stiff, still with his head bowed down before you can finally see the image of his shoulders slightly shake. His eyes are slammed shut, his breaths are heavy—you can see each one in the cold air. Of course you want to go to him but you keep your distance, knowing he needs this. Needs this time alone. No, not alone. Time with Emma. 

The urge to go to him only grows stronger when your heart begins to pinch…it doesn’t take an expert lip reader to see the apologies and regret spilling from his lips and all the tears that accompany. You’re sure his tears are warm on his cheeks, the way they trail down, leaving behind their warmth to comfort him since you can’t. This. This is what he has been yearning for…giving Emma his words, his heartfelt words. Each tear that falls to the grave gets him closer to the forgiveness he is searching for, closer to the freedom. Heart pinching a little less, you see how this begins to relax his body, like he is releasing everything and maybe he can finally feel something close to ease.

After a while, Jimin stands again, legs looking a little wobbly but he manages to stand stronger than before. Hands wiping at his face, finally letting himself mourn just a little while longer before he takes a deep, deep breath and smiles down at the grave. He gives a small nod before turning in his spot, eyes finding you. You who leans against a tree, snow whirling around your figure and Jimin is starting to remember how pretty snowflakes are again. 

You can see in his eyes that he has finally bid his farewell. He walks closer to you, finding a spot on the thick trunk, leaning against the tree as well. His eyes lift to the snowy sky.

“She’s missed.” He tells you softly. “I’m grateful for the time I got to know her.” He lowers his gaze, eyes finding yours before he’s smiling and reaching for your hand. You’re surprised by the contact. The contrast of this cold day with his warm fingers makes you feel like a cozy blanket has suddenly wrapped around you. 

“Should we go eat now?” He nods towards the street, “I’m so hungry!” 

You blink at him for a moment and then you finally smile. Last stage…acceptance. “Yeah.” 

April

“Wait what the hell is happening? Is this what I think it is?” Hoseok keeps hitting your thigh, his knuckles knocking against you annoyingly.

“If you think it’s a fucking proposal then yes. Stop hitting me!” You try to shove him away, “And shush!”

“Naomi….” Jeremy has Naomi’s hands in his, “I really—”

“Did you know this was happening? He didn’t tell me?!” Hoseok whisper shouts in your ear, “Did you know?”

“No.” You whisper back, eyes glued to your two friends who are apparently about to start making out because you think Jeremy just proposed. “He didn’t tell you?”

“No!” Hoseok’s wide eyes stay on them as well. “He doesn’t even have a ring? Maybe he didn’t even know he was doing this.”

“We can literally hear you guys.” Jeremy finds the closest napkin and throws it at you both. “And no, I didn’t know. But I knew it was time.”

“Time?! You’ve been dating for like—” Hoseok is cut off when you swat his arm. 

“Wait, are you two really engaged now?” You ask, but when you see how absolutely in love and happy Naomi looks, you kind of know the answer. “I didn’t even get to hear it…” You slump your shoulders at the restaurants table. “Hoseok wouldn’t shut the hell up.”

“You know I narrate everything? Why are you acting surprised?” He’s the one acting annoyed now. “Jimin did you hear anything that happened?”

“How could I have?” Jimin laughs, “I was trying to pay attention but dude, you don’t know how to whisper. But also, it’s not like y/n wasn’t talking the entire time either.” 

“I want to get married too.” Taehyung stabs his utensils in his food right when your server comes back to your table. 

“Can I get you all anything else?” She smiles at you guys when Taehyung lifts his eyes towards her.

“Want to marry me?” He blurts.

She glances around awkwardly, “I literally don’t know you.”

Taehyung shrugs and nods his head like he understands, “That’s fair.” He mumbles before stabbing his food some more.

“Anyway.” Dae rolls her eyes while she shakes her head. “Congrats, you two.” She raises her water towards Jeremy and Naomi. “You’re really engaged? Like you two are going to get married?”

“Well, since Hoseok is loud as fuck and no one heard my incredibly romantic proposal…” Jeremy huffs out. “Yes. I literally asked ‘will you marry me’ and—”

“And I literally said yes.” Naomi shakes her head in disapproval but she’s still smiling. “You’re telling me you guys didn’t hear it at all?”

“All I could hear was Hoseok’s loud ass voice.” You deadpan.

“Oh yeah, let’s all blame the guy for saying what we were all thinking.” Hoseok waves you off but you lean into him with a straight face.

“We were keeping our thinking in our heads unlike you.” 

“Can we just congratulate our best friends or are you going to keep complaining?” Hoseok leans into you as well with a glare.

“Should I start saying what I’m thinking too?” You ask with a smile. “Thoughts of strangling you with my bare—”

“Oh my god, just say you’re happy for them you two.” Dae cuts in with a hearty laugh. “You guys fight like siblings who are in middle school.”

“Speaking of middle school, remember that girl who said you had no swa—”

“Too far!” Hoseok shouts out incredulously. “Jimin, can you please get your friend.” 

“Wait, what happened in middle school?” Dae asks, glancing around the table. 

“Some girl said Hoseok had no swag.” Jeremy shrugs, “Something like that.”

“Who was it baby?” Dae grows serious. “I will fight this bitch, who was it?”

“You’re the only one I can count on, Dae.” Hoseok closes his eyes slowly with a nod to his head, “You’re the only one who understands how truly—”

“Anyway,” you finally laugh a bit, pinching Hoseok’s arm as he yelps. “We are happy for you both. Why so suddenly though?”

“We are already live together, work together, hang out together and we’re basically already married…why not just make it official? Love is fucking awesome.” Jeremy tells you all. “Highly recommend.”

“Thanks for the recommendation.” Taehyung grunts while he continues to stab his food. 

“Well, some other news.” Dae gets everyone’s attention. “I put in another work transfer request and I’m feeling pretty hopeful this time! I probably won’t know anything until later in the summer though.”

“You’ll get it.” Hoseok grabs Dae’s hand. “You’ll be moving in before you know it.”

“Yeah. Dae.” Taehyung stares down at his food, “You’ll be.” Stab. “Living.” Stab. “With your.” Stab. “Soul.” Stab. “Mate.” Three more stabs. 

Naomi offers a disturbed expression before looking at Jimin and silently mouthing ‘is he okay?’

Jimin just laughs it off, waving his hands around before massaging Taehyung’s shoulder, “He’s just a little sensitive.”

Taehyung pauses his stabs before looking at all of you, “I’m not sensitive.” He says matter of fact before dramatically looking up at the ceiling with a solemn expression. “I’m lonely.”

“More like dramatic.” You chuckle. 

“Don’t worry bro.” Jeremy slides a shot over to Taehyung, “Your time will come.”

June

“It’s pretty miserable but honestly, you guys won’t believe it!” Jungkook leans forward on Hoseok’s sofa, beer bottle in his hand. “My mom actually praised me. Trust me, I know it’s hard to believe!” He offers a large bunny grin.

“What?” You question him excitedly. “What did she say?!”

“Okay, you guys ready for this? She said, and I quote ‘wow, Jungkook, you actually didn’t fuck up this time.’ Can you believe it?!” He continues to grin while you blink at him.

“Oh…” You smile awkwardly, “I guess that’s a start?”

“I bet she was so sexy when she said it.” Taehyung sips his own beer.

“Gross, dude.” Jungkook shudders, “Anyway, my dad even agreed. It’s looking up.”

“Quick, Taehyung. Is his dad hot too?” Dae asks.

Taehyung sighs out, “Unbelievably so.” 

“Nice.” Dae nods.

“What is wrong with them?” Hoseok groans out, “Anyway, Jeremy said he and Naomi will be here in like an hour. They were having dinner with her parents.” 

“How’s their wedding planning going?” Jimin asks from beside you, “Good?”

“Naomi is a perfectionist and Jeremy kind of just exists.” You say with a laugh, “But it’s not too stressful yet.”

“That’s—oh, hold on. Getting a call.” Jimin says as he tries to slide his phone from his pocket. He looks down at the screen as he frowns. “I don’t know this number.”

“Probably spam.” Taehyung tells him. “I get at least 5 a day.”

“So annoying.” You add.

“Probably.” Jimin slips the phone back in his pocket after sending the call to voicemail. “Anyway, I—” He stops when he feels his phone vibrating again. His eyebrows furrow as he tries to slide his phone out again. “Oh. It’s Mr. Smith this time.” He says with a smile. “Hold on. Hello? What’s up Mr—oh, hi Mrs—sure, Alina.” Jimin continues to smile as he talks to Mr. Smith’s wife. “Is everything—oh.” His smile suddenly drops. Jimin’s eyes quickly go to you, he looks a bit worried and you feel yourself grow a little worried too. You mouth, ‘is everything okay?’ but Jimin continues listening on the other line, concentrating on her words. 

“When? Oh. Okay. I see. I’m so sorry…” His voice grows quiet and now everyone in Hoseok’s living room is watching as Jimin takes this phone call. “Yeah, no, I understand. Of course. I’m so sorry Alina…Viktor was…yeah. It’s when? Of course, I’ll be there. Yeah, she will come too.” Jimin glances at you, your eyebrows pulled so closely together as you try to understand what’s happening. “You want to meet? Sure, we can. Of course…of course. I’ll see you on Monday then. Once again, I’m sorry…yeah.” He nods. “Bye.” And then he hangs up the phone. He stares at nothing for a moment before he looks at you. 

“That was Mrs. Smith?” You ask, “Is everything okay?”

“Um,” Jimin smiles a little, “Not really. Uh, Viktor—Mr. Smith, he uh, he passed last night.”

“Wait, what?” Hoseok gasps a little. “The director?” 

“Yeah.” Jimin nods. “It was peaceful…in his sleep.” Jimin confirms softly. “Alina, his wife wants to meet me on Monday though. Has something for me.”

“Holy shit…” You whisper. “Are you serious?” Your eyes grow a little watery but Jimin is quick to grab your hand. 

“It’s okay. She said it was peaceful.” 

“I’m sorry dude.” Taehyung frowns, “I know you guys loved that guy.”

“Will you come with me?” Jimin asks you, squeezing your hand. “Alina says to bring you.”

You take a moment to respond, the shock a little well, shocking. You finally knock out of it and nod your head and squeeze Jimin’s hand back. “Yeah, sure.”

~

You’re in the old theatre building, the one that needs renovations so bad, the one you came to almost daily back in college and the one you come to now to watch Jimin perform. The one that feels like stepping inside a place similar to home. The one Mr. Smith had always made you feel was a home.

You and Jimin walk in the back to Mr. Smith’s old office, one he is no longer occupying but it still smells like him. Old books, leather, maybe something sweet from a candle that’s fire has lingered. Mrs. Smith is sitting at his desk, a pair of glasses hanging lowly on her nose as she reviews some papers. She lifts her eyes when you and Jimin walk into the room, a gentle smile on her bright face. 

“You’re here.” She beams at you both, her eyes sparked with adoration. You wonder how she looks so okay when her husband has just passed. Her smile isn’t the only thing gentle, her eyes are also shining with a delicacy. She’s looking tired, age evident on her but she still smiles. “Sit, sit.”

“Hi Mrs—”

“Please, call me Alina.” She tells you, her cheeks dusted so rosy. “Viktor never let anyone call me anything but Alina. Said my name was too beautiful to be called anything else.”

“Wow,” Jimin chuckles softly, “I didn’t know Mr. Smith was so smooth.”

“Oh, 50 years ago he was the smoothest man I ever met. But somehow,” She leans back into the leather chair, “He got even more impressive with time. I must have taught him well.” She winks at you guys and you both laugh. “Anyway, the funeral is on Thursday but I wanted to meet before that…I have something for you Jimin.” Her fingers tap against a packet before sliding it across the desk. “Take a look.” 

You and Jimin exchange a glance before he’s taking the packet, opening it and slipping some papers. His eyes scan over it a few times, his expression growing more and more confused the more he reads over it. “What am I looking at?” Jimin questions quietly, “What—”

“To put it simply,” Alina reaches for her glasses before taking them off her face. “This building…its ours.” She gestures around. “He bought it decades ago. You probably didn’t know, huh?”

“He owns this building?” Jimin looks up from the papers. “It’s his? I thought he just worked here…” 

“Was his.” She smiles. “He’s leaving it to you.”

“Wait, wait.” Jimin’s eyes go back down to the papers in his hands, “I’m sorry but what?” He scans the papers again, “No…it’s yours. Right? It’s yours, I can’t possibly—”

“I thought you’d deny but,” Alina opens a drawer at the desk, she reaches for a closed envelope. “He did too. So here.” She hands Jimin a letter. “Read it, honey.”

Jimin looks at you, his eyes big and confused. He’s hesitant but reaches for the envelope and opens it as smoothly as possible. A single folded sheet of paper inside. 

Dear Jimin,

Did you know that you brought this old building back to life? You might have even been the one to give it life in the first place all those years ago. You are what I once dreamed of becoming when I was young…ah,  but I could not command a stage like you. So my new dream was to provide it for someone who could. How’s Alina? Don’t let her sweet smile fool you, she’s actually quite feisty. My beautiful wife has tried to get me to sell this building for years. So please…don’t think even for a second she wants to keep this place. She’s probably feeling relieved to finally get rid of it! With that being said, it’s yours. But I know you are meant to be on stage…so I wouldn’t be upset if you decide to sell it. Do that if you’d like. Use the money to buy yourself a more decent place to live! Your studio apartment truly is tragic. Sell if you need to. Maybe to someone who might actually renovate it, unlike a cheap bastard like myself! (haha!) Please watch after my Alina for me. And please…ask y/n to watch after you for me. 

Live a long and wonderful life.

Sincerely,

Viktor Smith 

Jimin’s eyes are teary as he folds the paper again, he takes a moment to collect himself, deep breath before finding Alina’s eyes. “Did he know he was going to…” 

Alina blinks a few times before understanding his question and then she’s smiling again, “He’s been sick for some time, dear.” She informs the both of you. “My Viktor is resting now. He lived very happily.”

You swallow the lump in your throat, trying to remain calm even though this feels a bit emotional.

“He talked about you two years and years ago…back when you were in college. A natural star and his beautiful girlfriend. How much fun the two of you were…he would come home laughing so hard, telling all these stories. Well,” Alina blinks back a few tears of her own, still smiling. “I guess buying this building forever ago was worth it. Seeing him that happy. Thank you.” She tells you both, “Take care of yourselves.” 

August 

“Are you fucking kidding me, Jeremy?” Naomi shouts across their living room. Your eyes go between her, Jeremy and the little, tiny thing she is referring to.

“What?” He looks around, clueless. 

“Our wedding is in a month! I am literally going insane trying to plan this thing! Why do you think this was the right time for that?!”

“What do you mean?” He continues to play innocent.

“A puppy, Jeremy?! Are you serious?!” Naomi throws her face in her hands, “Why?”

“…Bacon needed a friend.” He finally gives a reason.

“Oh my god, I am going to kill you.” Naomi looks around at the rest of you, wanting some back up. “I finally got Bacon to stop being a little shit and pissing on my rug. Now we have a puppy to potty train?” 

“Damn, that does suck.” You shake your head and Hoseok nods his head in agreement. 

“Nothing about having a puppy sucks guys.” Jeremy scolds you both. “Why is everyone so heartless?”

“The wedding is in a month. We don’t have time for this…” Naomi gives up, plopping down on her sofa. “It’s so soon.”

“It is so soon.” Hoseok chimes in, “Like, didn’t you guys just get engaged…oh my god, Naomi. Are you pregnant?” 

Dae snorts at this but immediately hits Hoseok’s chest when Naomi glares at them. “What?” Hoseok whines, “We’re all thinking it. So…are you?”

“No!” 

Everyone laughs before heads are turning towards Naomi and Jeremy’s front door when Jimin and Taehyung walk in.

“We’re here! We brought lots of snack and—” Taehyung stops in his tracks when he notices a little puppy standing in the middle of the living room. “A puppy?!” He runs towards it in excitement. 

“Oh, cute.” Jimin smiles but it drops. “Wait, I think it’s peeing.”

Everyone’s head turns towards Naomi who is already glaring at Jeremy. “I’m going to kill you.” 

“I don’t think I’m going to make it to being a married man, guys.” 

“R.I.P” Hoseok sends Jeremy some finger guns. 

You giggle to yourself, “So anyway,” You turn to Hoseok and Dae, “Just two more weeks, right?”

“Yeah!” Dae grins, “Two more weeks and Hoseok and I will be done with the long distance. I’ve already started bringing some things over when I visit on weekends. Hoseok isn’t willing to compromise on some things though. Can you talk some sense into him?”

You quirk a brow at your best friend, “What kinds of things?”

“She’s being unfair, y/n.” Hoseok tells you. “She wants to change my bedding!” 

“It’s going to be ours though!” 

You glance at Dae, mortified. “Hoseok’s sheets were expensive! He’s cheap as hell, it was one of the only things he was willing to spend money on and you want to change them?”

“Exactly!” Hoseok leaps into your arms, “You get me. She gets me, my best friend gets me.” 

“They’re red!” Dae looks at you like you cannot be serious. “They’re so ugly!” 

“Sleep in the guest room then.” Hoseok shrugs, still in your arms like you’re going to protect him.

“Fine.” Dae raises her nose in the air, “Have fun using your hand for the rest of your life.”

Hoseok’s eyes widen, he jumps from your arms to hers. “Now that I think about it, red is ugly.” 

“Men.” You roll your eyes. 

“What about men?” Jimin comes to you all, he stands next to you from where you sit on the sofa. 

“Easily manipulated with sex.” You shrug, barely dismissing how pathetic it is. “Sad, right?”

“Manipulation is also sad.” Jimin laughs. 

“Touché.” 

“Can you help me cut up some fruit?” Jimin asks you, “Taehyung went to the bathroom. He’s lying about his stomach hurting, he just doesn’t want to help.”

“Classic.” You stand from the sofa, already heading towards Naomi and Jeremy’s kitchen with Jimin following behind. “Strawberries too?”

“There weren’t any that looked perfectly juicy, sorry.” Jimin smiles sheepishly. “I wanted to get you some, I promise, but I wasn’t going to bring some that weren’t good enough.” 

“Ah.” You click your tongue, “Well, what can you do.”

“So you admit you’d want something only if it were good enough?” Jimin says lightly, he comes from behind you as you reach for a pineapple. “I’ll cut this.” 

“No I can—wait,” You think about what he just said for a moment before you snort. “Jimin,” You turn to face him, his body only inches from yours. “Did you just compare yourself to strawberries?” 

“I don’t know.” He laughs but there’s something a little sad in his words. “Did I?”

“Anyway,” You look into his eyes, all teasing gone. “You’re the only one who thinks you’re not good enough.” Then you turn back around to face the counter before you’re attempting to cut the fruit. 

“That so?” Jimin whispers, “Maybe I’m still working on it then.” 

September 

You cannot believe it’s already the night before the wedding. You, Naomi, Dae and Naomi’s sister are treating yourselves to a spa day/night. You’re all wearing cute, rejuvenating face masks, eating snacks and giving cheers with full glasses of champagne.

“I can’t believe tomorrow is the day.” Naomi chugs back her entire glass of champagne. “Is anyone else freaking out or just me?”

“It’s normal to freak out.” You chuckle, “It’s a big day.”

“I just keep thinking…like, every time Jer does something that makes me feel annoyed I’m like…oh my god, can I deal with this for the rest of my life?!” 

Dae starts giggling at this, “I had a thought like that recently when Hoseok started vacuuming our bedroom while I was still sleeping.”

“He’s a menace.” You snort, “My condolences.”

“Thanks.”

“Guys, I’m serious. I’m freaking out. This is a huge life thing and I’m just…wondering how people do this and they’re so sure. How do I know this is right?” Naomi sits down onto a chair. “I love him. And I know that there probably isn’t anyone else out there for me…not like how he is. Actually, yeah.” She kind of smiles now. “He is for me. Just like I know I’m for him…but I’m afraid one day he will just get tired of me.” She laughs. “I don’t even think my concern about him doing annoying stuff is even about me finding him annoying. I think I’m just afraid he might think that about me.” 

“He lives with Bacon.” You tell her with a smirk, “No one is more annoying than that guy and we all love him. Trust me, if he can be best friends with that dog…you’re a walk in the park.”

“Did you just call my dog annoying?”

“That’s beside the point.” 

“Naomi,” Naomi’s sister hands her another glass of champagne, “Answer this one question.”

“Which is?”

“If you called off this wedding, would Jeremy still be the one?”

“Huh?” Naomi looks around, “Of course he would be.”

“Then you know you’re ready for marriage.” She tells her, “Chug the drink.”

“I’m confused.” Dae admits, “How is that—”

“If you can envision your life with a person even without marriage then there’s a good chance they’re the perfect person to marry. You can still be happy, still satisfied and content because you just want to be with that person. Marriage just has perks. It’s not the thing that solidifies love.” Her sister says softly, “If you can confidently say with or without the big day that comes tomorrow…that he and you could still be happy and in love—then you’re marrying the right person.”

“Dang, I wish I had an older sister.” Dae looks at Naomi’s sister with heart eyes.

“Oh come on, Dae.” You chuckle, “Taehyung is a master of advice—especially when it comes to life and love.” 

Dae nibbles on her lips for a moment, “You’re not wrong. Taehyung is the definition of a cool, understanding and protective brother. Even though he complains a lot.” She laughs. “But he gets disturbed easily.”

“And whose fault is that?” You ask with a straight face. “It’s your life mission to make him scold you.”

“I’m the baby in my family it’s like literally my life’s purpose to be a brat.” She shrugs nonchalantly. 

“At least she’s self-aware.” Naomi nods. “Anyway, I’m sure Jer and the guys are having a blast.”

“Speaking of the guys…wait, y/n.” Dae whips her head in your direction. “Any progress with Jimin?” 

“You mean with his therapy? He’s doing so well—”

“No, with you, dummy.”

Your cheeks heat up, face feeling hot and you’re grateful you’re wearing a face mask that seems to be cooling you down. “With me?” You point at yourself. “I don’t even know. It hasn’t been a topic of conversation in so long. I’m trying not to think about it. I don’t even know if he’s even thought about it.”

“You’re still into one another, right?” Naomi asks. “I mean, obviously. Friends or whatever the hell, you guys are attached at the hip.”

“We don’t cross any lines.” You admit as you take your own seat. “There’s moments sometimes where its unspoken, I guess. Tension. Innocent flirting. But it never goes further.” 

“You sound disappointed.” Dae calls you out but you wave her off.

“No.” You say, “Not really. I’m just wondering how long I can keep it up.”

“You mean…how long until you move on?” Naomi asks, brows pinched together. “Nobody would blame you, you know? Not even him.”

“I don’t know that I could ever move on.” You chuckle quietly, “I don’t want to rush him but I can’t read his mind…I don’t…I’m respecting the boundaries but I think because we have both had this mind set for so long it’s almost awkward or strange to bring it up now again.” 

“That’s realistic.” Naomi assures you, “You’ve been trying to be cool, and chill and understanding but I think you also get the free pass of being demanding of some answers.”

“Getting answers means there’s a chance I won’t like what I get.”

“Then at least you’ll know.” Dae cuts in. “Taehyung can be pretty smart sometimes. You guys really are soulmates and maybe you’re blind to it but Jimin is probably on the verge of exploding. His eyes are never not on you, y/n. And the story that is the two of you…well, it’s not going to end with an answer you won’t like. It just means it’s not the end of the story yet.”

“Can I offer some advice?” Naomi’s sister questions you and you nod your head frantically.

“Jimin is the one with thick lips and an ass, right?”

“….Yeah.”

“My advice is that you confess and claim. Hurry or I will.” 

“Dude!” Naomi shouts at her sister. “Anyway, the guys are doing their weird little manly men tradition. Camping or whatever.”

“Yeah, my brother said it’s going to be an epic boys night.”

“Jimin mentioned it too,” You chime in, “Classic testosterone building.”

“Ugh, great.” Naomi rolls her eyes. “They’re probably punching each other right now in the face as we speak to see who is the manliest. I swear if Jeremy shows up tomorrow with a black eye…on our fucking wedding day.”

-The guys-

“We know why we’re here,” Taehyung gestures around, a proud grin on his face. “We’re celebrating our fellow brother, Jeremy.” 

“Brothers.” Jeremy nods towards the guys. “It’s my last night being an unmarried man and there’s no one else I’d rather spend the day with. As men, we have certain duties…”

“Exactly.” Taehyung throws his hands on his hips. “Do you guys know why we’re here?” 

“To do manly shit, right?” Jungkook starts hopping in his spot. “I’m so fucking excited.”

“Exactly. I don’t know anyone else who achieves this level of fucking gloriousness.” Taehyung suddenly bumps Jungkook’s chest with his own. “Men!” 

“That’s us.” Hoseok says proudly, “Reporting for duty.”

“Right, right. Reporting for duty.” Jimin laughs. 

“Is this fucking funny to you?” Taehyung asks with a scowl, he comes toe to toe with Jimin. “Say it like you mean it.”

“Taehyung.”

“Right, sorry. I’m just really excite—anyway, men!” Taehyung looks up at the sky, “I think we all know exactly what we want to achieve tonight.”

All the guys start nodding along as they look at one another, “We do.” Jeremy says. 

“Hell yeah!” Jungkook keeps jumping up and down. “What’s first? Going to cut down some trees and chop up wood for a fire? Fire we make from scratch? What else? Oh! Catch our food! Climb a mountain?!”

“Oh Jungkook.” Hoseok puts a hand on Jungkook’s shoulder. “This is way better than just climbing a damn mountain. It’s more than you could ever imagine.”

“In a way, we will climb mountains,” Taehyung sighs out, “In a way, we are starting fires from scratch.” 

“You have no idea, Jungkook…” Jeremy starts filling him in, “But we’re about to exceed anything you thought being manly was. This is crazier, more intense, maybe even illegal and forbidden…maybe even a fucking crime.”

“Holy shit are we going to kill some—”

One hour later

“And that’s how I,” Jeremy is forced to pause when he hiccups. “How I knew Naomi was the one.”

Jungkook stares at him in disbelief, expression angry while his eyes look teary. “Give me that.” He yanks the bottle of liquor from Jeremy’s hands and takes an aggressive sip. “That had no fucking business being that beautiful.”

All the boys heads turn towards Taehyung when they hear him sniffling, “WHEN WILL IT BE MY TURN?!” he yells out, the tiny tent they built barely holding it together. 

“Don’t force it, dude.” Jeremy slurs.

“So what?” Taehyung cries out dramatically, “I’m supposed to just pretend that I’m not constantly looking for the love of my life?!”

“Sometimes you find the love of your life when you least expect it.” Jimin says.

“Exactly.” Hoseok adds, “That’s how that works.” 

“Mhm.” Jeremy takes the bottle of liquor back and takes a gulp.

Taehyung looks at everyone incredulously, “Oh.” He starts laughing. “That is rich coming from you guys! This is what privilege looks like.” He is now the one stealing away the bottle and gulping some back. When he swallows the nasty liquid, he wipes his mouth before pointing at his friends. “Your love stories are basically written like romance novels with the most basic tropes. You,” He points at Jeremy, “Best friends to lovers. Boring! And you,” He points at Hoseok now, “Enemies to lovers. How creative! And you!” He points at Jimin, “Some sort of weird exes story.”

“Wait, what about me?” Jungkook points at himself innocently.

“The perfect author hasn’t found you yet, buddy. But what’s my story?! Huh?! Don’t tell me I’m just some side character in your stories and I don’t even get my own book?!” 

“What the hell is he talking about?” Jeremy whispers towards Hoseok, “I literally don’t understand anything he’s saying.”

“Same.” Hoseok shrugs.

“Guys, we all know Taehyung has a really interactive imagination.” Jimin offers Taehyung a pity smile, “Listen, I just know you’re going to have the most epic love story of all.” 

“I think so too. If we stick with your logic, you might even be the main character here.” Hoseok reaches for the bottle. 

“Yeah well…wait,” Taehyung pauses as he ponders thoughtfully. “Actually, you guys might be onto something…maybe this has actually been about me the entire time…”

“Anyway,” Jungkook takes the bottle from Hoseok, “If this night has taught me anything it’s that the most important thing is to love ourselves.”

“Fucking exactly. That’s step one!” Jeremy shouts.

“With that being said…” Jungkook glances around the tent, nerves making him feel crazy…”…I’m going to quit my parent’s company!” He suddenly blurts. “Yeah! Fuck that place! I’m going to quit!”

“Wait, for real? You’re serious?” Jimin asks, smile growing on his face. “You’re sure you want to do that dude?”

“You basically just asked me if I’m sure that I want to love myself and be happy.” Jungkook gulps some liquor back. “I want to live my life.”

“Hell yeah, brother.” Jeremy nods in approval. “No matter what happens, we support you.”

“Yeah, we do.” Taehyung grips Jungkook’s shoulder and rocks him around. “This is brotherhood.”

“Fucking boys night.” Hoseok grins to himself. 

“But uh,” Taehyung clears his throat. “Speaking of loving ourselves and what not…Jimin.”

Jimin lifts his head with wide eyes, innocent expression on his face as he cutely questions Taehyung’s sudden call out, “Huh?”

“What’s um, what’s going on with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh come on…” Taehyung smiles at his best friend. “You’ve beat yourself up long enough, don’t you think?” 

Hoseok reaches for Jimin, palm flat against his back as his starts to rub it. “Yeah, dude.” 

Jimin looks at his friends, eyes dancing around the tent and he sees their eyes. They’re filled with concern…hope…and maybe endearment. His eyes land on the bottle in Jungkook’s lap and he points at it, laser focused. “Gimme.”

Jungkook wastes no time in passing Jimin the bottle.

Jimin wraps his lips around the bottle they’ve been sharing, the last drops remaining sliding down his throat. He’s quiet, still feeling the eyes of his friends on him. He’s thinking. The same thoughts that have been swarming for a little while. He knows his own answers. Small smile begins lifting his lips before he raises his head and locks eyes with each of his friends.

“Yeah, dude.” Jimin repeats Hoseok’s words. His expression alone tells his friends everything they need to know. 

Hoseok rubs his back for only a moment longer before the softest most genuine smile begins growing on his face, love and pride filling his veins. Hoseok glances around the tent, all the boys forming their own smiles. And Hoseok spills the words they’re all thinking so slowly and intentional. “Boys night.” He says calmly and quietly. 

Jimin nods his head, grin growing. “Boys night.” 

“…Boys night. Boys night. Boys night.” Jeremy starts chanting and then Taehyung joins him. “Boys night! Boys night!” The voices inside the tent gets louder and louder. 

“Boys night!” Jungkook joins with pure excitement. 

Just a small tent under the moonlight, surrounded by trees, is quite possibly the manliest men. Well, according to them.

Present Day

Watching one of your best friends walk down the aisle to join hands with one of your other best friends and seeing them smile all giddily with glossy eyes as they vow to one another about a long life of love is surreal. You and Hoseok are probably the most emotional ones here at this entire venue. You don’t even know how you’re going to handle Hoseok’s wedding one day and he’s thinking the same about you. 

Naomi and Jeremy seal the deal with a sweet kiss and everyone’s going wild, clapping and hollering for the two lovebirds. You were nervous for no reason earlier when you watched yourself in the mirror, reflecting on the last year—the wedding has been perfect. 

Once the ceremony ends, the night continues on to the reception. A big place. Open bar. Dance floor and round tables with beautiful decorations scattered around. Families joined, friends gathered and love so thick in the air. 

Taehyung is walking through the lively crowd of people of friends and family as he grips the drink he just got from the bar. He sees you and Jimin chatting in the distance, your bodies close together, laughing and touching so innocently. Dummies, he thinks to himself as he smiles. He wants nothing more than for the two of you to have this kind of day of your own. But he’s also wishing he could imagine this kind of day for himself as well. In his dreams, because he thinks he is officially giving up. He even sees Jungkook in the distance flirting with a cute girl. 

“When will it be my turn?!” He mocks himself, groaning out loud, not even realizing his own volume. 

“Please.” A feminine voice suddenly can be heard. “That’s what I’m asking.” 

Taehyung’s eyes lower to a girl sitting down at the nearest table to him, she lifts her drinks in some sort of depressing cheers. “Want to take a seat at the losers table?” She asks him with a playful smile. Taehyung looks around the venue before shrugging and taking a seat.

“Trust me, no one is more loser than me.” Taehyung mumbles, taking a sip of his drink.

“You sure?” The mystery girl raises a brow in a challenge. “This is my eighth wedding this year.” She counters confidently, “Imagine having that many friends in love?! I set up half of them. I deserve a fairy tale too.” She pouts before taking a sip of her own drink. 

“God, I know exactly what you mean!” Taehyung nods his head enthusiastically, “My friends all make fun of be for being the biggest believer in soulmates yet they all have one but me?! Make it make sense?!” 

“Unbelievable!” The girl shouts, egging him on with her own woes. “Maybe we’re meant to die alone.”

“I’m starting to think so.” He agrees before taking another sip.

“Love is this magical thing and we will never know.”

“It’s literally the best thing to exist!” Taehyung shouts, “Right?!”

“Hallelujah, amen.” The girl sighs before they clink their glasses together in some depressing cheers. “Why aren’t there more people like us? We deserve it the most!”

“Exactly!” Taehyung starts getting more riled up. “Where is my me?! And where’s your you?!”

“Someone like us?” The girl shakes her head, expressing how impossible that is. “They obviously don’t exist. As if we would meet anyone who share our ideals.”

“Fucking exactly, my dude.” Taehyung takes another sip. 

“It wouldn’t happen,” She drags out her words, completely believing them. Excited to know someone she can share this pain with. “We would never meet…” She says the words slowly, blinking at nothing before she turns her head towards Taehyung. Her eyebrows start to furrow and he gazes back at her, his own brows pinching together as realization starts hitting them both. 

“…Wait…a…minute…” They both say slowly in unison as their eyes narrow at one another. 

They keep staring and staring before Taehyung quickly shakes his head and he laughs, “No…that…that can’t be.” 

“Of course not!” The girl rushes to say as well, “That’s ridiculous! We just met.” 

But then Taehyung narrows his eyes again, “…But what if…”

“Yeah…I mean…” She looks at him suspiciously as well. But then Taehyung snorts.

“We don’t even know each other’s names this is,” Then he suddenly becomes serious. “Taehyung.” He extends his hand out and she takes it immediately.

“Marisol.” 

“…Nice to meet you.”

“…Likewise…” She keeps her hand in his palm and they take a moment to gaze at the other.

“Did you feel that?” Taehyung suddenly asks.

“If you’re talking about the bolt of fucking electricity when our hands touched then hell yeah.” 

“…Are we…”

“…Soulmates?” She finishes the question. 

They stare at each other again and then they both let go on each other’s hands as they start cracking up, heads shaking at the idea.

“God, that’s so ridiculous.” Marisol waves him off before reaching for her drink again.

“For real.” Taehyung laughs alongside her. “Anyway,” He raises his glass towards her. “Cheers.”

“Cheers, fellow loser.” She brings her glass to her lips as they lock eyes, both smiling as they drink. 

~

You can hear lively dance music in the distance as you finish drying your hands in the venues bathroom. You open the door to exit when you run into someone. Like, literally. 

“Sorry, I—” You pause, eyes wide as you eye the girl you just bumped into before you’re grinning. “Lucy?”

“y/n!” Lucy squeals in excitement.

“Wow,” You eye her over, “I almost didn’t recognize you.” You say, she sheepishly tugs at the ends of her hair. Her blonde hair looks a couple shades lighter and her once long locks have been completely chopped off. Her hair curls right below her chin now. 

“Wanted something new.” She admits cutely. “But I’m so happy I ran into you! The ceremony was so beautiful, oh my god, I cried a little, I won’t lie!”

“Girl, you’re telling me.” You chuckle.

“So how are you?” Lucy asks, “I’ve really missed you guys.”

“I’m good.” You smile at her. “We miss you too. Are you doing well?”

“More than that.” She admits, “You’ll never believe it…but I’ve been offered to study below a pretty big deal designer in Paris for 6 months. I’ve accepted…I leave in November.”

“What!” You quickly bring her in for a hug. “That’s awesome, Lucy!”

“It is.” She says in your chest. “Things are good.” 

You pull away from her, “I’m happy for you. Truly.”

“Thanks.” She grins,  goofy smile on her face that you haven’t seen in so long. “Anyway, I really got to pee! Catch you later, girl.” 

“See ya!” 

You watch as she disappears in the bathrooms and you feel your heart glowing. Despite everything…you’ve always just wished her well. You’re glad it’s come true. 

You walk down the hall, your short heels clicking against the tiled floors and you follow the sound of music into the main area. And just when you thought you were done running into people…

“Well, well, well.” Min Yoongi. “If it isn’t a pretty stranger.” He shows you an adorable smile before you’re laughing and giving him a hug. “Namjoon and Emiko are right behind me.” He tells you, you both look behind and you see the two approaching. 

“Namjoon!” You feel your lips spread into a wide smile. He looks as handsome as he ever has. His smile grows on his own face and it’s the one you’ve always known—that genuine fucking smile. 

“y/n.” He says your name with ease, “You look great.” 

“You’re one to talk.” You tease him before you’re being scooped into a firm hug. “And Emiko, you look gorgeous.”

“Wow,” She blushes, fingers brushing back her black, silky hair. “Thank you. You do too!” 

“I’m glad you guys were able to make it.” You tell them all. “Have you said hi to everyone else?”

“Yeah, not too long ago.” Namjoon says. “I’m glad those two finally got together.” He laughs as Yoongi nods along with a smile. “Being reunited with everyone has been a gift.” 

“We feel the same.” You tell him honestly. “Anyway, I’m sure they’re wondering where I’m at. I’ve felt my phone vibrate at least ten times since I’ve slipped away to the bathroom.”

“I’m guessing we can all assume its Hoseok.” Namjoon chuckles.

“Naturally.” You playfully roll your eyes. “It was great seeing you guys though. Let’s all dance later!” 

“Sure.” Emiko grins at you. 

And then you’re walking off to find the rest of your friends.

“Going to use the bathroom, be right back.” Yoongi tells Namjoon and Emiko.

“Sounds good.” Namjoon waves him off, then he catches Emiko’s eye. “What?”

“Nothing.” She sings out. “I was wondering how’d you react when seeing her.” She teases him, “Do you think her and that guy are together?”

“Jimin?” Namjoon raises a brow, “Hmm, I don’t know.”

“You aren’t upset about it?”

Namjoon chuckles at this, “Why would I be?” He smiles at her. “I’ll defend her love decisions!” 

“That so?” Emiko continues to tease.

“Ah, she went on a date with me the day she saw Jimin again for the first time in five years. You know, I bet a whole book could be made about her and that situation.” He laughs, “Maybe I should write it.”

“Going to venture into a new genre?” Emiko giggles, “Okay, what would their book be called? Something like ‘Still in love’” She jokes but Namjoon thinks about it thoughtfully.

“No…” he ponders, “Maybe something like ‘Love Again’ instead.”

“Oh, cute.” Emiko nods her head. “Okay, if we had to have a romance novel about the two of us what would it be called?” 

Namjoon’s eyes expand slightly before he’s titling his head. “Huh?”

“A good title would probably be ‘Oblivious’ hm?” She continues to joke and tease. Namjoon stares at her for a moment. He’s not as oblivious as she’s making him out to be so he smiles before responding.

“Or maybe something cheesy like, ‘First Love’” He tells her with a dimpled grin. But she just drops her smile slightly, blinking at him slightly confused.

“Ah, that phase I had back in like middle school where I ‘hated’ you? I didn’t actually think you had cooties.” He chuckles, “I was just a dumb kid who didn’t know how to handle his feelings. Kids, you know?” Namjoon shrugs and Emiko stares at him while blushing. “But I like to think I’ve matured since then.” 

“W-What—”

“Alright, I’m back!” Yoongi walks between them, “Should we get some drinks now?”

~

“Oh my god, can you believe it?” You lean against Hoseok’s body, swaying into your best friend before he’s wrapping an arm over your shoulder.

“Believe what?” He grins, “That our best friends are all grown up?”

“Exactly. Can you believe we had no idea these two were going to get together?”

“Honestly, I’m still in shock.” Hoseok laughs loudly, “All they did was bicker!” 

“According to everyone it was sexual tension.”

“Literally there was nothing sexy about it.” He deadpans and you burst into laughter.

“God, I am so glad we agree.” 

You two are leaning against a cold, metal railing that overlooks a calm pond. There’s a few tables set up outside but everyone’s indoors, dancing the night away. You and Hoseok found yourselves outside, enjoying the cool late September breeze, escaping the inside crowd.

“Well, if it isn’t the two most important people in the world.” You hear Naomi’s voice from behind you and Hoseok. “What are you two doing out here?”

“Escaping.” You say, sticking your tongue out.

“Hell yeah. Us too.” Jeremy grins, “Can you believe those people in there? So much energy.”

“Pretty gross, if you ask me.” Naomi giggles, “I wish everyone could have agreed to take a nap before getting this party started.” Naomi and Jeremy stand on either side of you and Hoseok. All of you leaning against the railing, eyes on the water. 

“Should we ditch this lame party and have a movie night instead?” You tease.

“God, only if we watch a horror movie so Hoseok can entertain all of us.” Naomi joins in.

“You guys are assholes.” Hoseok complains as he knocks his hip into yours.

“Oh come on, Hobi, we love you.” You knock back into him. “Hurry, tell us you love us back.”

“Not sure you guys deserve my love.” 

“Bruh.” Jeremy whines. “I didn’t even say anything!”

“Fine, you have my love, Jer. But the two of you are on thin ice.” Hoseok looks as you and Naomi before you’re all laughing. “But really…I do love all of you. Feels like an appropriate day to be cheesy.”

“Agreed.” You smile, eyes still on the pond. “This is life, huh?”

“What else would it be?” Jeremy snorts. 

“You know what I mean.” You turn your head to glare at him but then you soften. “We’re at the part of life where things grow and change. It’s natural to grow apart too.” You say more quiet, “We will probably see less and less of one another. Get busy with so many things. Life, you know?”

“I guess you aren’t wrong.” Naomi mumbles. “As sad as it sounds.” 

“Yeah…” Hoseok agrees softly, his arm tightening around you as his other arm goes around Jeremy. “We’re still family though.”

“Always will be.” You say.

It’s quiet between the four of you for a few minutes, everyone staring out into the world, moonlight shining over the pond as you all soak in this moment you’re sure you’ll cherish for the rest of your lives. 

“Wait…” You suddenly blurt.

“Huh?” Hoseok glances at you, “What’s up?”

“Yo.” You look at your friends, “We’re literally stuck together dudes. Less and less my ass! We are stuck with each other Monday through Friday, bitches!”

“Oh shit.” Hoseok suddenly grins, “That’s so true.”

It’s quiet for another moment before you’re all dancing in your spots and collectively yelling, ‘Ayy!’

“We’re in this shit until retirement, huh?” Naomi smiles so hard her face hurts. 

“No doubt.” Jeremy agrees, “And in this economy? Might be forever.”

“I guess I could do forever with you guys.” You laugh.

It’s quiet again until Naomi detaches herself to look at the three of you more seriously, a delicate fondness in her eyes. “But seriously the four of us…” Naomi pauses because her voice cracks a little and she starts laughing at how ridiculous she feels for getting emotional. But you just smile at her, nodding along because you completely understand.

“Yeah.” You say simply because you get it and so do the guys. 

~

It’s been one magical night. You feel happy and loved and grateful. But you have no idea that the most important part of this day has yet to happen. Your friends have gone back inside, Hoseok being challenged by Dae for a dance off and Naomi and Jeremy explaining they should probably socialize with their guests. 

You’re taking this moment to just breathe this late September air and watch how the moon grows brighter. 

“Hey.” You jump a little at the sudden sound of Jimin’s voice. “Whoops,” He chuckles softly, eyeing you over. “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Jeez, Jimin.” You throw a hand over your heart. “Warn me next time.” 

“Sorry, sorry.” He smirks at you, “You must have been pretty lost in your head to not have heard me come out here.”

“Not lost.” You smile. “Admiring this beautiful night.”

“Ah,” He comes closer to you, standing by your side before he’s looking out over the water. “It is a beautiful night.” 

“Mhm.”

“Wow,” Jimin turns to face you, looking offended. “That was your cue to tell me I’m beautiful! Drunk you would have done it.”

You laugh at this, “Well, I’m not drunk. So I guess you’re out of luck.”

“Damn, and I thought I had pretty good luck.”

“Maybe another time.” You tease him, playfully bumping into his side. “We haven’t really gotten to talk the last few days since we’ve been so busy with wedding stuff.”

“Trust me, I’ve felt your absence.” Jimin admits, voice soft and low. 

You stare ahead at the water, gulping because his words somehow always affect you so stupidly. Your heart is already pounding in your chest and it makes you feel silly. “Have you now?” You finally ask, voice calmer than you thought you could manage.

“Of course.” Jimin responds, “Is it not obvious that I’m incapable of living without you?” He asks but it sounds like a harmless joke. “If it’s not obvious what can I do to make it that way?” He turns his head to gaze at you. “What kinds of things should I say or do?” He asks lowly, voice smooth and charmed. 

You meet his eyes and try to swallow the anxious lump in your throat. “I don’t know.” You chuckle awkwardly, “Isn’t saying it just like that enough?”

“Hmm.” Jimin licks his lips before continuing, “Is it enough?” 

“I-I don’t know.” You say again. 

“You do know.” He steps a little closer to you, “You’ve been…”

“I’ve been…?”

“Amazing.” He says in one breath. “But that word doesn’t even feel like enough.”

“Oh?”

“y/n…I’m okay.” He decides to say, his eyes on yours, barely even blinking. “I’m okay.” 

“What do you—”

You stop when Jimin turns his head to face the water again, a deep sigh leaving his mouth before he’s swallowing a lump in his own throat. “I want to tell you…” He begins, voice shakier than before. “That I am finally the man I need to be for me…because,” He pauses. “Because I’m the man I want to be for you.” 

You stare at him, speechless, eyes on his side profile, trying to process what he’s saying. 

“I don’t have that darkness eating at me anymore.” He spills truthfully, “I only see light.”

Of course he does, you think. You blink at him, still rendered speechless. 

“So much light.” He swallows.

Of course there’s light. Because he deserves the fucking sun.

Jimin turns to face you again, eyes glassy and a smile so heartwarming you might melt right here, your liquid body dripping into the pond.

“I can’t not be with you anymore.” He admits, breaths heavier as he tries to come up with more to say. “If you’re ready then—”

Finally, after this long year…you are feeling his plush lips against yours as you lean into him with your rushed kiss. He’s surprised for only a moment. His eyes slowly shutting as he kisses you back, hands feeling your waist when he pulls you in closer. But the kiss falls apart quickly, your emotions bubbled over, all you can do is exhale into his mouth before you’re leaning away with teary eyes on his.

“You-you’re okay?” You ask, hands going to his face, cupping his cheeks tenderly. “You’re okay?” You ask again, voice cracking.

Jimin’s bated breaths are hard to miss. He tries to smile for you, his own emotions spilling. “I’m not okay, y/n. I’m good.” 

“You are?” You ask, in an almost pleasant disbelief. “Do you still—”

“Love you?” He chuckles, sniffling a little before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to your lips. “With all my heart. We’re fated.” 

You laugh, despite wanting to cry. “Cheesy.” You push him back playfully, “You sound like Taehyung.”

“Is that a bad thing?” Jimin rubs his hands on your waist.

“God, not at all. He might be the best one of all of us.” 

“Yeah.” Jimin nods. “He is our soulmate, after all.”

“Don’t let him hear that, we will never hear the end of it.” You giggle, hands still cupping his cheeks. “I also love you, by the way.”

“I know that.” Jimin brushes his nose against yours, “You’re going to love me again and again.”

“Forever.” You confirm. “So…”

“Hm?”

“I’m pretty sure we could leave if we wanted.”

“Oh could we?” Jimin leans further into you again, his lips pressing over yours as he smiles. “You going to let me take you home, baby?”

“Going to let you take me anywhere.” You reply, voice laced in silk now.

“Paradise.” He says, “Going to take you to paradise.”

~

God, you don’t think you’ve ever known another tongue like this. Wet and delicious, sliding up your inner thigh, teeth nipping the fragile skin. Your fingers dig into your sheets, the soft material not enough to handle the violence you’re unleashing on them. You’re not convinced you can make it out alive. Not with a man promising paradise, promising heaven. 

Jimin’s got a thumb spreading the tops of your folds, exposing the place that promises your sinful death. He only admires your heat, arousal dripping to your mattress and he takes a mental picture. He wants to remember your pretty pussy like this—before he ruins it. 

“We don’t have to take our time, Jimin.” Your hand goes to the top of his head, fingers threading through his hair before you tug it. “I’m so desperate for you.” 

“I love those kinds of words, babe.” Jimin kisses the inside of your thigh, dark eyes on you. “You can say whatever words you want…but that won’t change what I do with you. But I encourage it, it just makes me harder.” He tells you, his hips rutting against the mattress. “Say you’re desperate. Talk about how badly you need my cock inside you or you might die. Go ahead,” Another kiss, but this time closer to your core. “Say it so I can get so hard that I come all over your sheets, baby.” 

“Jimin…” You whine his name and he only smiles at you, sly and forbidden. 

“Look at you.” He mocks you sweetly, “Looks like you’re going to fucking fall apart just from this.” 

Your chest is heaving. He isn’t wrong. You probably do look like that since that’s how it feels. You’re so fucking sensitive, you’re so fucking pathetically sensitive. 

“I could suck your clit for 30 seconds and I bet you’d fucking shake from a quick, pathetic orgasm, huh?” Jimin teases, his tongue poking further from his lips. He keeps his eyes on you when he finally uses it. Uses his tongue in the place that’s going to kill you. 

“Fuck, Jimin.” You breathe roughly, body tense from how insane you’re going. He stares up as you, eyes with flames burning inside. He presses his tongue against your core, a ridiculous but perfect amount of pressure as he drags it up towards your clit. You’re not going to survive and you sure as hell aren’t going to last.

Jimin, using that same amount of pressure, circles his tongue expertly, making you cry out. Making you want to scream. And he does what he teased you with…he wraps his luscious lips around your sensitive nub and he sucks on it. Your legs immediately react, heels of your feet digging into Jimin’s back. He groans into your cunt, sucking while his tongue fucks you into another reality. 

He said 30 seconds but you cannot even confidently say it’s going to be that much…you’re feeling like this is the first time. First time you’ve ever been touched. First time you’re being introduced into a new world of overwhelming pleasure. You’re moaning, high, low, whimpers, whines and everything in between. 

And then you gasp, heels digging deeper into his back when two thick fingers push inside your entrance. 

“Oh, fuck.” You cry out, eyes slamming shut even though you want to watch him. Those two fingers curl and explore…and you cannot keep this impending explosion of pleasure at bay any longer. Fingers tugging at Jimin’s hair, you cry his name over and over until you feel yourself get hit with a rush of heat. Fire trialing across your entire body as this orgasm hits you in waves. 

Jimin lets you use his face to ride it out, your moans a melody to this rhythm. When you’re finally relaxing, Jimin backs away, satisfied, sinister grin on his face. When his fingers leave your dripping hole, so does your sanity.

“What did I say?” Jimin crawls up your body, voice taunting. “You’d be shaking from an orgasm that you so pathetically welcomed.”

“Because I’m so desperate for you, Jimin.” You pant, completely worn and out of breath.

“Keep up the desperation, baby.” He strokes his cock, “Because I have yet to fuck you.”

“No condom.” You moan, “Fuck it. No condom.” You tell him again, “I’m good about my birth control…fuck me with nothing between us.”

“You just want my cum filling you up, don’t you? God, you’re so dirty, baby.”

“Yeah.” You nod, your fingers going down to his member, stroking his length yourself. His eyes roll to the back of his head at the contact. “Need your cum inside me, want to feel it dripping out, want to feel the evidence of your pleasure mixing with mine.”

“That’s something a slut would say, baby.” Jimin’s hips jolt forward when you squeeze the head of his cock. “Is that what you are for me, hm?”

“Find out.” Your breaths are erratic, smile on your lips as you guide his cock to your core. Jimin allows you to tease the tip of his dick, the swollen head dipping into your hole, stretching you with every little push.

“More.” Jimin is the one begging, “Let me push inside more.”

“Yeah.” You nod frantically, whines leaving your mouth. “Bury yourself inside me.”

Jimin’s hands go to your hips as he concentrates on sliding further into you, inch by inch slowly disappearing as your pussy sucks him in. “Yeah, fuck.” He pants, body falling further on you, his face hovering above yours. “This is how I’m going to fuck you, yeah?”

“Mm, yeah.” You cry, his cock finally fully inside, his pelvis meeting yours. “Move.”

Jimin says nothing, he just pulls his hips back, his length brushing your insides before he’s thrusting back in. He’s breathing so heavily as he starts repeating these motions. Your fingers are now clawing at his back, he groans right in your ear at the slight pain he feels from your nails. But he doesn’t hate it. 

“More.” You beg, “More, more. Fuck, Jimin, more.” 

He’s motivated. Hips slapping against yours, fucking you properly now. He’s pushing in and out, forcing his hips to grind into you with such depth and precision. He’s feeling the tightness in his balls and he’s struggling to keep his sounds from sounding so incredibly pitiful. And it is so fucking sexy to your ears. 

“Jimin, fuck…” You whimper, “I’m going to come again…from this alone, god, I’m going to come…I’m so cl—”

“Yeah?” Jimin starts fucking you harder. “Thank god. The way you’re squeezing me, baby…” He can’t finish that sentence…your walls close in on him as you feel the high of pleasure possess your body. You’re entire body is tensing, back arching and Jimin can’t control it when his cock reaches the end and he’s in euphoria. He’s coming. Hot cum creating art inside you. 

You’re both panting, you’re both moaning, crying, sinning beyond repair. You’re both in the paradise he promised. 

“Shit,” Jimin collapses, trying his hardest not to crush you. “My love…” he kisses your neck, “I fucking love you, you know that?” He whispers. “This is day one.”

“Yeah?” You smile, breaths still erratic. “Good. I love you too.” 

~

“What time is it?” You murmur sleepily, pointer finger tracing little patterns on Jimin’s chest.

“Maybe like 3am.” He tells you softly, “You want to sleep?”

“No.” You chuckle. “But also yes.”

“You know,” Jimin sinks deeper into the sheets, body twisting so he can face you, eyes on yours. “Life is crazy.”

“For sure.” You say, lips curving up. “Everything happens for a reason though, right?”

“Yeah.” He smiles. “Fate or whatever.”

“Mm,” You nod. “I guess so.”

“You know how Mr. Smith left me the theatre?” Jimin gazes at you, softness in his features.

“Yeah?”

“I found a good person to sell it to.” He informs you, “He would like this guy.”

“Oh.” You blink at him in slight surprise. 

“I’m going to use the money to buy a house.” Jimin scoots closer to you, soft breaths hitting your lips. “How does that sound?”

“You’re asking me..?”

“Mhm.” He pecks your lips. “A home for us. We know we’re good at living together already,” He chuckles, “Been there, done that and what not.”

“Right.” You laugh, pecking his lips as well. “Might as well do it again.”

“Yeah, how do you think that sounds?”

“Sounds like fate.” Your hand goes to his cheek, thumb brushing against his smooth skin, “And you know what they say about it.”

“What?”

“It works pretty funny.” 

“You have no idea.” He grins once more before kissing you again and again. 

Well, maybe you’ve had an idea all along.

[eveningserenityyy]

I don’t see nearly enough leia appreciation (or maybe that’s just me bc my Tumblr feed is all over the place)- she choked her captor to death with his own chain and she didn’t need no man to save her from that. She never once had a damsel in distress moment she was getting by which is a surprise for the fucking time this came out.

But yeah yeah she’s a badass and all, we all know that, but do we ever talk about the blatant kindness in her heart like yeah she’s mean (and we love that) but girly was raised by the great homie bail organa and the lovely queen Breha like??? Remember her telling off little fuck face for being mean to droids? (That’s also so anakin now that I’m thinking about it but not the point being made) like girly put her life on the line to save people from the empire too it’s what she grew up being taught was right she just wanted a better life for everyone around her and she still kept going even when her son turned to the dark side when for most people that would be soul crushing to the point of giving up- and does anyone ever think about the survivors guilt she must have from watching her whole planet and everything she’s ever known be blown to bits? And even after that like back to the kindness but she wasted no time to comfort Luke even though she had just lost everything

I don’t know if this makes sense but hear me out; Luke has padmes kindness, but leia has Anakins. It’s not quite the same, there’s that key difference; Anakins kindness surprised people, especially through that sheer intensity he held. Leia has both that, and the kindness that the organas taught her her whole life. Does this make sense?? I don’t know I’m just word vomiting all over this. I’ve been thinking of leia this morning and nothing is coherent in my brain.

[findafight]

It was also so ooc for Robin to want to be friends so badly with Nancy in s4. Plus her encouraging Stancy to get back together? Whoever this person was, it was not my Robin. Like s3 Robin would be wtf are you doing girl. Because let's be real she hated Steve for years because her crush only had eyes for him. How would she not have a grudge for the girl who hurt her person, her bff??? It doesn't matter if Steve never bitched about Nancy or that he would only say positive stuff about her, Robin still sees that her bff is hurting. And with the cheating rumors going around, Robin is smart and can connect the dots.

R/nance doesn't even make much sense as a friendship. I absolutely loved your take on one sided R/nance when Nancy was questioning why Robin didn't really want to hang out with her or preferred the group. And then when Robin told her it's because of Steve and how Nancy never really reflected her wrong doings because it's been so long, that was so good. Because again realistically Robin wouldn't want to hang out with people if it hurts her bestie. Like you said they share everything, Robin would have to limit herself, she couldn't talk as openly about her relationship with Nancy to Steve because it's awkward and over time I think she would conclude that's simply not worth it. Her relationship with Steve is more important to her.

In s4 Nancy should have been the one to make it up to Robin, not Robin begging for Nancy's attention. It would allow Nancy to finally get some character growth and her reflecting on past behavior would also introduce Stancy in a more natural way other than "oh hey Steve, Jonathan is not here, btw you are hot". She basically gets everything handed to her without any work (when it comes to her personal life, I'm not saying she doesn't work hard when it comes to other stuff). Like Robin immediately wants to be besties and Steve still worships the ground she works on, there are never consequences for her hurtful actions and thus no growth as an individual. Like Nancy as a character is still the same as she was in s2, she never reflects on her behavior because the narrative lets her off the hook so she doesn't really have to apologize for anything . It would have been so interesting if Robin was cold to her in the beginning as she was with Steve, maybe even a bit colder.

I think that just because Robin is not good at reading people in the moment, she still is able to make those connections later. Plus, after the first few weeks after Starcourt growing pains between stobin, Steve is probably the one person she knows she can read with accuracy (both because she now knows him, and because he allows himself to be vulnerable in front of her). So what with Steve's guilt/martyr complex and all the rumours that must have followed at school the week after halloween, regardless of Steve brushing them off and probably actively denying that Nancy cheated (literally he doesn't know she did. no one who knows would tell him, and he blames himself openly for the end of their relationship), she'd probably piece together that Nancy did a number on his heart. So I would have liked to see Robin giving Nancy more of a side-eye in S4, especially if her and Steve were getting a bit flirty. Tbh I know I've mentioned it before, but the only reasonable explanation for Steve making not just eyes but flirting with Nancy, is that somewhere along the line, Steve and Robin got it in their heads that Jon and Nancy had broken up (hence Nancy not going to cali with mike). Because we know so little about Steve's parents, but we do know his dad cheats and Steve knows about it and is extremely sensitive to infidelity. I could maybe see him tell Nancy he still had feelings for her before fighting vecna, to get it off his chest before potentially dying, even if he knew she was still with Jon, but not the other stuff. Literally would not make sense for one of the most defining and pivotal traits he's had since s1, or for robin to encourage it.

ooo. yeah I agree. I guess the one-sided rnce post really was attempting to explore a situation that makes Nancy realize that her actions have impacts on people she potentially cares about that cannot be unaddressed. There's a through-line in the show of Nancy's actions, regardless of what they are, as being completely justified and right. So when her and Jon fight in s3, she never has to actually address her part and classism in it. (they were both wrong!! Both of them should have apologized!) In s2, when Steve does reasonable not-wanting-to-get-disappeared things, the narrative treats him like he's a bad boyfriend for being unsupportive. When Nancy cheats on him, TPTB retcon it by saying they broke up at the party or in the alley, removing any guilt for Nancy's actions. For her interpersonal relationships, we don't see Nancy putting much work or effort into them. Hell, we see steve apologize immediately for threatening Dustin's teeth when he was getting frustrated and said he went too far. And Lucas apologizes to Will in s3 too. So the show can show us friends putting in effort to not leave each other hurt. It would be neat to see Nancy actively trying in her relationships. Apologizing or opening up a conversation or something. idk.

I think there was some potential for an interesting friendship between Robin and Nancy. But yes Robin deserved to be a bit wary of Nancy! I can see Robin trying to be her friend a little bit after starcourt, attempting to put Barb leaving her for Nancy behind her, but Nancy not really being open to it so it sort of soured Robin to her. And then in s4 when the Upside Down is back Nancy trying to be Robin's friend and robin, having been burned by Nancy before, is now suspicious of why she suddenly wants to be friends now. That would have been such a fun dynamic to have! Like Nancy being kind of jealous of steve and robin's friendship both for her wanting to have a friends, and possibly, if they were still going with it for whatever reason, for her romantic interest in steve. And Robin being protective of both her own and Steve's hearts from Nancy! neat!

Post s4... yeah. I don't see Nancy actively wanting to be friends with the other people who fight the Upside Down. like, sure maybe she'll exchange numbers and split a bottle of wine with the older teens, but she wouldn't be cuddly call-after-nightmare friends with them. Not just because of personalities, but because I think she'd want to put everything to do with Hawkins behind her and look to her future.

We see her only stay in contact with the person she is dating, and not really anyone else. Like. in s3 we see Steve have connections with the Party and after that with Robin, but only see Nancy with her boyfriend. I think it's really important for Nancy to have an arc that isn't about romance, or about her guilt about Barb. or at least, not her unresolved and continuing guilt about barb. It could be about her moving forward and having close friendships again despite that guilt. But at this point, I don't think could happen, as it would require more groundwork than the show can afford to give to it this late in the series. I just want her to end the series single, ready for uni and moving on from what happened. I want her to be free of Hawkins, in a way she cannot be if she's dating anyone involved with the Upside Down, especially when any of her three popular ships are all hung up on the town or the people in it in a way she doesn't seem to be.

[one-idea]

HIII it's me again :D glad to hear you're doing well!! I hope life is being kind to you <3

of course, take your time to get to this part of the story!! I hope you end up liking sabo as well !! and get ready for the heartbreak of marineford... no really, get a few tissues because there are gonna be tears

coming back to the au, your ideas continue to amaze me, I swear I had this exact expression of shock 😲 reading everything, ITS SO GOOD !!! it's very in character for whitebeard to want to take responsability of blackbeard's actions and appear to help luffy, and of course shanks is going to help his boy (also, don't wanna spoil too much, but he gets there late for reasons and IMAGINE him seeing he failed to protect the sweet boy he was confident would become the new king of the pirates, that he passed his precious hat to... he'd be blaming himself so hard and I'm here for it!)

now that's pretty much what happens in canon, but throw in the revolutionary army in the mix?? PERFECTION !!! of course Dragon would want to save his son, so it'd make sense for him to send some people to help, and who better than the boy he trained himself, sabo? there's no way that could go wrong, right ^^ (it's going to go terribly!)

the idea of sabo meeting with his brothers but not recognizing them... acting like strangers... then gaining back his memories... being right there seeing with his own eyes when it all goes down and not being able to do anything about it, to save his little brother (who he's just starting to remember is his little brother at all)... and worse, thinking he lost BOTH of them at once, right when he got his memory of them back... I'm going insane just thinking about it !!! the guilt this boy feels in canon is already off the charts, imagine in this scenario in which he was THERE and still it didn't change a thing and his baby brother died right in front of him??? he's gonna be consumed by it, probably won't feel worthy of daring to show his face to ace after everything and trying to isolate himself to wallow on his guilt and self-hatred... we love emotionally unstable blorbos in this house!! god help koala and olivia who will have to deal with this mess. and then sabo and ace will have no choice but to meet in dressrosa and that's! gonna be fun! not for them... but for us it will!

THE KOBYFICATION OF DEUCE. YOUR BRAIN IS HUGE!!!! THIS IS GENIUS!!! deuce running his anti marine propaganda newspaper is so important to me... him joining the revolutionary army... it's everything I could ever ask for... and the acedeuce beloveds... with the added bonus of that awkward moment when your coworker/boss is your crush's brother AND your crush's mother figure is also your coworker and hears you gush about him

isuka mention !!! she's such a cutie, glad to see she's here too !! also her taking the role of ace's marine rival is just perfect

sorry I got way too excited with this but your au is just way too amazing <3 thank you once more for sharing your ideas!!

🐝

I’m so sorry I took so long to respond to this.

I’m very afraid of getting to Marineford. My mental health can’t deal with the stress at the moment.

But yes you get it. Sabo and Ace working together to save Luffy without realizing it.

Like Ace just wants to get Luffy out of Impel down and this masked loser is slowing him down. How dare he!

Meanwhile Sabo has the biggest headache (particularly from his memories trying to resurface) because Ace is the most reckless person to ever live. He’s going to get them caught! Stop attacking everyone!

These two just can’t work together because Ace is in panic mode and this person who is only here to save Luffy because Dragon sent him can’t possibly understand the stress Ace is under. How important Luffy is.

Sabo (at the time) doesn’t get it. He needs to get his bosses son out of here. He gets that his adopted older brother is emotional but just calm down and think!

Later Sabo, with all of his memories will look back at this time and wonder. If I had let Ace rush it. If we were both fighting desperately for our little brother, could we have gotten to Luffy in time?

Even later when the meet at Dressrosa and Ace puts together just who the Masked loser in impel down was. When he realizes it was Sabo who “slowed him down” (kept him alive!) he has no idea how to feel. Enraged (why didn’t Sabo care about Luffy) confused (this couldn’t be their brother) desperate (one of his brothers is here, he’s not alone) upset (where was Sabo the past two years? Past 12? Ace needed him! Luffy needed them!) and fury (Luffy will never get to be with both his big brothers every again. He died think Sabo was gone)

Needless to say Ace has a lot of BIG feelings the day Sabo walks back into his life.

Back to Deuce!

I love him so much. His anti-marine paper is so important to me to. Like his dream is to be a writer. Let him write. Let him tell the world exactly what the Marines and pirates do. Let him tell the world about liberated countries and the injustices of the world government.

People say he’s afraid to show his face and that’s why he wears a mask and uses a fake name. But Deuce has never been more himself. He’s never been truer to himself than when he goes by the name Ace gave him.

He tells everyone how amazing the reverse strawhats are. And you best believe when Ace’s lineage gets out he’s writing about not only Ace’s character (how he saves people because he wants to, how no man should be judged by who their father is) but he’s doing his research on the original pirate king and just destroying all the lies the world government circulated about him. The public conscious changes. Roger’s wasn’t a horrible person, in fact he helped a lot of people. And even if he wasn’t should they really hold a son accountable for his father?

(This is after Luffy’s death and you best believe Deuce dragged the Marines for filth over that. The public knows Luffy as a 16 almost 17 year old who never left his home island. Sure he was a bit wild but everyone liked him. He never hurt anyone. And yet the government killed him because of what his father, who he never met, had done. Deuce ran them over the coals. He couldn’t stop what happened at Marineford. The revs wouldn’t even let him go to fight (he was to important by then) but he’s not going to have the last picture Ace has of his little brother be the one the papers ran with Luffy dying in Ace’s arms. Every piece he writes about Luffy he tries to find an old photo from Dawn island or Dragon’s surveillance to attach to the article. It drives home that he was just a boy, while also giving Ace new picture of his precious brother to cherish.

Speaking of Acedeuce. Deuce suffers those two years Nico Olive is there. It’s already awkward enough that Sabo, who has heard him talk about how down bad he is for Ace for two years, turns out to be Ace’s brother. But Nico Olivia? He never knows peace.

On one hand it’s nice. She helps him write his pieces about Luffy. (Ace told a lot of stories during their 3 years together) in exchange she gets a nice copy of every picture they find of Luffy and Ace from Dragon’s surveillance (he definitely had people watching over his boy) she collects them to give to Ace when they reunite.

On the other hand, she is relentless. Constantly teasing Deuce about his crush. (She’s met him before. In the early days of his paper before he was recruited by the Revs.) constantly asking when he was going to ask her captain out? When the wedding would be? Should he be joining the crew once they were official?

Deuce thinks she’s just teasing him. And he could live with it, if she didn’t make it sound like Ace wanted him to. (Baby is in hard core denial that his feelings could be returned)

Nico Olivia does not see herself as cruel. She is asking honest questions. To her (and the crew) Ace’s crush on Deuce was obvious. The question was never Ace’s feelings but Deuce’s though Olivia knew from the way Deuce wrote about Ace that he must have feelings for her captain, it was nice to have it confirmed by the other Revs. (Koala makes fun of Deuces crush at all times, especially now that it makes Sabo squirm because that’s HIS big brother they are talking about!) to Olivia she can’t see why the two boys wouldn’t get together. (After Ace has had time to grieve and process his loss of course)

Her captain deserves good things. He early lets himself want, believing he does not deserve the goodness of the world. Olivia violently disagrees. She wants her boy happy. And Deuce is a great young man who would make her boy happy. Sure she might be a little pushy, but she’s not getting any younger. Excuse her for wanting to see her kids get married before she dies. (She’s not dying anytime soon, but she will use guilt to her advantage if it will make these two knuckle heads get it together sooner rather than later)

[gayboss-too-close-to-the-sun]

In defense of trashy ya dystopias

Okay, I’ll admit it: Hunger Games is an excellent book. It is powerful and well crafted, and deserves to be an eternal classic. I’m not sure any of the ya dystopias that followed it were quite so good, and I understand why they get mocked so often. Still, I think they deserve a better rep than they get.

Now, I understand that some ya dystopias are really, really bad. The only literary criticism that would call them good art would be a reader response based method that just says “well, some people like them so they must be good!” I don’t think that’s exactly how art works, but to an extent, that’s true. If a book inspired someone, encouraged them to read, and broadened their view of the world, who are we to say that it’s not worth reading? No matter how terrible a book is, it can at least make someone a bit more passionate about reading, and that’s value enough.*

First, I have to talk about Divergent. It makes me sad how many people hate that series. There are some valid criticisms, but most of it doesn’t make sense to me. People accuse Tris of being flat and basic, saying she’s an overpowered Mary Sue of a blank slate. That in particular confuses me. Tris isn’t dull and underdeveloped, she’s depressed. She’s reactive because she doesn’t care enough to be proactive. She’s numb, which comes across as her being unemotional. Now, we can debate whether that makes her a bad choice as a main character, but I won’t stand for her being painted as a bad character.

I was horribly depressed when I read Divergent. Watching Tris made all the difference in my life. I related to her when she threw a chair from the roof and watched it shatter on the concrete below, wishing she could follow it. I would have followed her to her death when she convinced herself that dying for her friends was noble sacrifice, not suicide, not the easy way out. I nearly cried when she realized at the last moment that she didn’t want to die, that she had to choose to keep going. I watched her build her life back up, even through the misery, pain and loss. I watched her find happiness, and I broke down when she gave it all up to protect someone else, someone who was trying to throw away his life out of guilt and grief. She sacrificed everything she had to give him a chance to fight through it and become someone better. She would have done the same for me. I needed to keep going, to honor that sacrifice and follow in her lead. Tris taught me to fight, and I am so grateful.

The Maze Runner was one of my favorite series. My longest completed story I’ve written was a trilogy of (unfortunately very straight) TMR fanfiction. I know it’s pretty garden variety dystopia, but it was very meaningful to me.

I think part of what made it special was having a male protagonist. Most ya dystopias are centered on teen girls, the intended audience, and while TMR could have used more diversity of gender in the cast, it was nice to see myself in the main character (although I like to believe I’m not that stupid). Thomas is also a very competent MC, which is always appreciated, and it feels earned more than Gary Stu-ed.

TMR has, despite not having any canonical evidence, a lot of gay ships in the fandom, probably because the boys all have a ton of chemistry and there are no girls (pretty much). I was deep in denial (see my straight fanfic), but TMR still gave my budding queerness a place to grow. While insisting that being gay was wrong and my homosexual crushes were Not Gay, I still managed to have very strong feelings on which Maze Runner ships are correct (Newt X Alby and Thomas X Minho, Newtmas shippers fight me). Being represented, even if I didn’t know it at the time, was so important to me.

Lastly, TMR taught me bravery. It taught me that even if things are just going to get worse, you have to try and make it out. I look at the world around me, and it’s not hard to imagine the Flare, or WICKED gaining power. Us kids have been handed the burden of fixing the world, and I need all the courage I can get. Like I say in my fanfic (the AWWWB series on Wattpad, first book called Good Grief), “Maybe the universe is just cruel. But… if we don’t know what’s outside of the Maze, then we’d better hold on to the fact that it’s just as likely to be a good place as a bad one.” We have to keep hoping that something better is coming eventually, even if it never does. We have to keep fighting.

I don’t have any others in mind right now, but I want to hear about other books (dystopian or not) that made more of a difference than they’re given credit for. Seriously, I want y’all to defend Twilight, to champion the Matched series. Tell me how they changed your life.

*note: books that spread harmful messages are different than poorly written books, but that’s a whole conversation by itself, so we’re going to be idealists in this post and pretend that’s not an element while acknowledging that in the real world it’s a true and harmful thing

[scienceoftheidiot]

I've grown way too unhinged with these "asks", but I've been meaning to send you this one for a while, so please indulge me!

From what I've noticed, a lot of the Royai fan artists I follow tend to prefer drawing Riza, when they're not portraying her with Roy. But I've noticed that a number of your pieces focused on Roy only, which I find very interesting! Would you say that his character inspires you more than Riza, artistically/creatively speaking? If so, in what ways?

Please tell us more! And thank you, as always <3

Lol not unhinged at all I love to receive asks, I just always forget to reply 🥲🥲 sorry 🥲 so, first, thank you very much for asking ! 🥰❤️

And lol yeah, sometimes I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb among the Royai people. But eh, healthy ecosystems need biodiversity 🤣

I hope my answer isn't too long.

I do have a preference for Roy in drawing, for a number of reasons.

I precise in drawing, because I do love writing Riza, not more than I do writing Roy, but they're relatively even for me - even if, yes, I tend to favour Roy because he's easier for me, there, too.

I like to draw him, because I like his face, expressions and postures, and I like to explore them. He's a fun little guy to draw, when I think Riza is cool AF (and I have a lot to say about her character, too!) but she's not as fun to draw for me (once again I love her and she's in fact the female character I have drawn the most I think, because I have a hard time drawing women, but still, if I'm looking for a quick doodle, I'll go towards Roy).

But yes, they're more or less indissociable for me, and for proof my first fan art for FMA was indeed Royai (here!).

Anyway. While Royai is my favourite ship and I love Riza to bits, my favourite character in FMA is Roy. Roy first. (And my husband has understood that well, he's calling me when we do a rewatch and Roy appears on screen and I'm not watching. Like HURRY ROY IS THERE).

Now, if anyone who knows me from earlier than my FMA obsession reads this, and I describe the utter mess that is Roy, they'll understand that it couldn't have gone any other way. Here's a man in a position of power, who hides everything behind a façade, who's a nerd and highly intelligent (I admit I'm often irked by some posts in the royai fandom. This guy is smart. He's goofy, he's a dork, but he's smart. Book smart, he's a fine tactician, and he can command. Erasing that is erasing part of his identity, and I'm sure part of why Riza loves him, too), has a weird sense of humour even though he can also be intense af, is crushed by unbelievable guilt from his past actions (I admit Roy and Roza both beat all of my previous fixations in that, good job being war criminals, guys 🙃) and intends to repair what he's done as much as he can, one way or another, whose sole goal is to make things better for others/his place/his country, whatever he has to give up for it to work, who inspires others doing that, and who gets badly injured/disabled during the story and keeps going and fighting teeth and nails through it and beyond?

WELL. There is no question I will fall for this dude instantly. This is like. Checking all the boxes for me to be instantly in love with this guy. Like. I think he's actually the only one who checks ALL of my boxes.

I do think however that Roy isn't complete without Riza, and that it's the same on her side (like. I've only tagged my current fic with "codependency" but that's how I write them whatever I write). I'm just fixating on him first, but I still find Riza an awesome character, there's no debate there 😊

Here you go! I've written a novel again lol but I hope I've replied to all your questions. I can talk more about how I see Roy and Riza, I always have more to tell, but really that would just make this even more unpalatable 😅 thank you again for asking 😊

[saulocept]

and now i’m covered in you

pairing: re2r! leon/reader

rating: t

summary: It’s love at first sight. It has to be. Or else there’s something very wrong with you, your sanity rattled along with every bit of your common sense. Not that it matters at this point. There’s something between you, you think, and you don’t think you’re imagining it.

notes: direct sequel to this, but it’s all vibes & no plot. also i’m uh. taking some requests in? trying to get back into writing so i’ll just mostly do short stuff & anything’s ok :) 

for uh. more info, you can go here. and uh. if youve read this far thank u!

Apparently, it’s really easy to form friendships when you’re the only two people left on Earth. Or three, if you count the man lying on the couch in the lobby, though you haven’t even exchanged a single word with him for it to count. But still; you could probably be friends with him if you try, even if all he could manage is a grunt in response.

Scratch that, you could probably do a lot of things if you try. At this point, you wouldn’t even be surprised if it turns out you can shoot spiderwebs out of your hands or if you’ve been a mutant in disguise all along. It feels silly to even think of that, but every thought that comes into your head is almost always silly.

You wonder if it’s just your brain’s way to distract you from your grief. It’s still a little hard to believe what your best friend had turned into. Jen: bright-eyed and cheerful. Loud-mouthed most times, but she’s always known the right thing to say.

It still feels surreal to imagine that she’s just gone, just like that, so quick and with hardly even a sign. Weren’t you just talking to her last week, setting up some plans, making jokes?

And now, you can’t even recognize her among the sea of corpses that litter the streets outside, and you hate it, hate yourself even more for it. Shouldn’t you have done something, anything, tried to save her? That’s what a real friend would’ve done, that’s what she would’ve done if it were you in her shoes. She would’ve tried to get to you. She wouldn’t have simply run, just as you had, wouldn’t have let you get shot, just like you did. Wouldn’t have let you be dead, rotting outside with all the other corpses.

Jesus. Does her family even know what’s happened? Or are they waiting for her to call, expecting her voice from the other side of the phone, not realizing they wouldn’t ever receive one, nothing from her ever again. Even the thought of it makes you nauseous. Guilt washes over you, heavy as a rock, pressing in on you like dirt. You should’ve done something more. Her family would’ve wanted you to do something more. You shouldn’t have let it end just like that. You shouldn’t have—God, you want to throw up.

“Hey,” Leon says from beside you as if sensing where your thoughts are headed. Slowly, you turn your head to the side, catch him staring worriedly at you. When he sees you staring, he gives you a reassuring smile, reaching over to pat you gently on the shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.”

He’s trying to comfort you in his own way, even if you don’t deserve it. Even if he probably needs it more than you do. God, he’s so nice you feel as if you could cry. “Yeah,” you say, trying to blink back the tears. “Yeah, I know.”

His gaze softens. “We’re going to get out of here, okay? And then we…” he trails off, scratches the back of his neck as if realizing he’s already run out of things to say. He glances at you, gives you a sheepish smile, and you can’t help the way your lips quirk into a smile; he really is so nice, and adorable to boot, too.

If Jen were here, she’d have teased you already, chiding you for developing a crush on a man you met literally just hours ago. But then you shake your head, push the thought away. Nope, no Jen. No bad thoughts.

There’s time for grief later, when everything’s said and done, but for now, there’s something else you need to focus on. “Do you think it’s just this city?”

He hums under his breath, as if thinking your words over. “I don’t know,” he says truthfully. “By the time I arrived here, everyone’s already like that.”

“Yeah,” you say, nodding sympathetically. That’s something you can relate to, at least. “Same here. I think we’ve both just got really shitty luck.”

He laughs, mildly amused by your statement, then shakes his head. Silence settles between you, broken quickly when he says your name. “You know, I’ve been wondering. How were you able to survive all this time without a weapon?”

You fish the rock out of your pocket, closing your palm over it and shaking it at him like a toy.

“A rock?” he asks, raising an eyebrow. He seems genuinely impressed. “And it worked?”

“I haven’t really tried using it,” you admit, shrugging. “But I couldn’t find anything else, and I figured that if I throw this really hard at their faces, it’d distract them long enough to forget about me.”

“Really,” he says flatly. He doesn’t look like he believes you, his face all scrunched up like he’s trying really hard not to laugh, and you give him a glare in response, shoving the rock back into your pocket. He shakes his head, snorting, though you can see now that his smile has morphed into a grin.

“Here,” he says after a moment, fishing for something out of his pocket. “Give me your hand.”

Reluctantly, you do as he asks. He presses something into your palm, closes your hand over it. Smooth as steel, cold to the touch, but warmed by his hands. A good kind of warmth, you think, though you won’t say it out loud. Slowly, you turn it over in your hands, trying to see it better, and it takes you a moment to realize that it’s a knife, glinting almost brightly in the moonlight.

“But it’s yours,” you say, frowning. You try to hand it over back to him, but he shakes his head, shoves his hands back into his pockets when it’s clear you aren’t just going to take no for an answer. “What if you need it?”

“I’ve got a gun,” he says, as if that’s enough of an answer. It’s not, you know, and you open your mouth to protest again, but he raises a hand, cuts you off before the words can leave your lips. “And that’s only in case we get separated. You’ve got nothing to worry about while I’m here, I promise.”

He smiles at you again, and it’s almost easy to get lost in it, in everything. For a second, you could almost forget everything terrible that’s already happened. The sea of corpses outside, the countless hordes of zombies still waiting to get a taste of you. Even the greatest poets couldn’t ever recreate a moment as romantic and as hopeful as this – and then as quickly as the thought comes, you push it away, shove it down.

Jesus. What the hell’s wrong with you? You shouldn’t even be thinking of something like this, especially when there are more pressing matters to think about. Like how to get out of this place alive, make it to the other side, get some help, maybe – in that order.

“Now, come on.” Gently, Leon takes your hand in his, pulls you along with him, oblivious to the pounding in your chest or the churning in your gut. “Let’s find a way out of here.”

-

It’s love at first sight. Or maybe you’ve hit your head against something one too many times. It wouldn’t be odd, considering that you’ve been running away from zombies for more than a few hours now. Or days. Nights. You can’t even tell anymore. But it’s love at first sight. It has to be. That, or just you’re thoroughly fucked in the head.

“Which way did you say it was again?” Leon asks, snapping you out of your reverie. You blink a few times, staring at him blankly in confusion, and he stares back at you, mirroring your own confusion with a furrow in his brow.

God, you want to reach out and smooth the crease out with your fingers, ease him of his worries. You shake your head, snap out of it. Maybe you really have lost it. Maybe you’ve got bitten and you didn’t just know it, and this is one of its symptoms, something that would inevitably get worse later on.

He meets your eyes. There’s worry in his expression now, and even the idea of him being concerned for you makes your stomach twist into knots. What the fuck is going on with you? “Are you okay?” he asks.

“Yep.” It comes out quick, sudden. From the way his eyes narrow, you can tell he doesn’t quite believe you, but you cut him off long before he could press you for more. “Just dandy. What was your question again?”

He blinks, startled that he’s nearly forgot. “Right.” He clears his throat. “Which way do you think we should go first?”

You hum under your breath, thinking. You’re flattered that he values your opinion enough to defer to you when it comes to matters like these. But you know nothing about this place, being just a visitor and all, and you’ve told him as much before, but he’d just been quick to shake it off, giving you that sweet signature smile that makes your heart all aflutter, patting you on the shoulder and telling you there’s no one else whose instincts he’d trust.

And when he says it like that, who are you to refuse? Still, you’re just worried you might just lead you both to the gallows, food for the zombies lurking around. It turns out the station isn’t entirely safe from them as you’d initially thought, but you find that you’re not as nearly worried as before. Maybe it’s because you’ve got Leon with you, whose mere presence is enough to ease your concerns.

Plus, he’s a weapons expert. Or maybe there’s no one else around to compare him to. You’re practically nothing next to him, only cheering him on from the sidelines as he brings down zombie after zombie (it’s still odd to call them that, but you’ve found that there’s no other name that fits), trying not to stare at him too much as he handles the shotgun with more ease than you can ever muster in your life. Okay, enough.

You glance at your surroundings. There are two hallways you can go to from here, split into left and right paths, both too dim for you to assess. As far as you know, these weren’t ever on the map, and it’s either too old that it’s forgotten to be included, or it’s a secret deliberately left out entirely. You bite your lip, chew it between your teeth.

Whichever path you pick, you know you’re in for a surprise. But there’s no getting out of this one. Leon’s still staring at you expectantly, and you hope that you’re leading him on a safe path at least. “Left, I think.”

“Yeah, okay.” He nods thoughtfully. “Left it is.”

He shines the flashlight in front of you. It’s not enough to see what’s waiting for you on the other side, but it’s enough to see whatever’s in front of you. Smooth marble tiles, free of blood and mud. That means no one’s ever been here yet until now, and briefly, you wonder what you’ll both find.

You frown, wrapping your arms around yourself. Suddenly, the idea of knowing what lies ahead seems a little too daunting, and instinctively, you walk a little closer to your companion, pressing against him like you’re desperate for comfort, his assurance.

He stops, turns to look at you. He must’ve seen the look in your eyes, the worry etched in them, and he reaches out with his free hand, squeezing your shoulder as he smiles at you. “It’s okay,” he says, and it’s almost easy to believe when he’s giving you that look again, the kind that seems like a promise that everything will be okay.

If it were anyone else, you would’ve shaken your head, would’ve hesitated. But it isn’t just anyone else; it’s him, it’s Leon, and when has he ever let you down? You nod, smile back at him. “Okay.”

You reach for him with grabby hands, and he laughs, though he takes your hand in his, and his skin is warm against yours, his touch familiar. He’s held your hands a lot of times now, enough that you’ve begun to lose count, but you don’t think you’ll ever get used to the feeling of his hands in yours, or to the way his warmth makes you feel all wiggly inside, your heart beating wildly against your chest, ready to spill out of you any minute. Not that you’d ever tell him that.

He squeezes your hand. “Ready to find out if there’s a big, mean zombie on the other side?” His voice is playful, teasing. He’s trying to get your mind off things, trying to ease your worries – something only he knows how to do.

You laugh, squeeze his hand back. “Yeah.”

Together, the two of you step forward into the dark, and for the first time in your life, you don’t feel completely scared.

-

There’s only one room in this hallway, and it turns out there’s nothing in here but boxes. Stacks of them, high enough to reach the ceiling. Some old things left behind by people who probably don’t work here anymore, or by people who’ve long since passed away. Either way, there’s nothing for you here except a few supplies: a box of old ammo, a really old gun – something he’s quick to stow away for later use, refusing to hand it over to you even when you’d pouted and glared. There’s also a rusty combat knife placed on top of one of the boxes, but you know that if the zombies don’t get to you first, the infection you get from even using this will, so you’ve mostly left it alone.

“Seems like this is it, huh,” Leon comments from beside you. His voice is soft, quiet, though with how quiet it is, his words echo in the hollow space, bouncing against the walls and then back. You frown, look around you, afraid the noise will wake some ancient being slumbering beneath, but there’s only nothing in here but silence. And dust, lots and lots of dust.

“You think there’s a secret door here somewhere?” you ask, leaning close to whisper. You still don’t like the way your voice seems to echo, so you try your best to keep quiet, afraid that someone really will come crashing against the walls any minute, the way the other zombies seem to do.

He smiles, his eyes twinkling in amusement. Still, he doesn’t dismiss you outright; he shines the light around him, does another brief search with his gaze. He turns to you, shakes his head, still smiling. “I don’t think there’s anything else in here.”

You nod. “We should see what the other hallway holds. Maybe we’ll find a knife we can actually use.”

He hums in agreement, reaches for you with his hand.  “Shall we?”

He doesn’t even need to ask twice; you let him take your hand, let him pull you along, out of this place, and into another unknown.

-

The right hallway is more like a maze than the left one; there are more doors, more rooms lined up side by side, its doors patterned with symbols you couldn’t understand. This place seems like it’s been frequented, visited often before being completely abandoned, forgotten entirely. Broken windows, marble floors littered with cracks, some tiles sticking out like puzzle pieces. Shards of mirror here and there, the edges dark with something akin to rust. Or is it dried blood?

The thought of it makes you shiver, and you shake your head, try not to think about it. Still, you can’t stop the way your stomach churns in fear, how the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. Something’s happened here, once.

Curiosity gets the best of you for the first time. You’re moving before you can think, exploring without a care in the world, your footsteps echoing in the silence as you push on doors, turning the knobs, trying to see which ones would open, which ones wouldn’t. You’re only lucky you’ve got Leon by your side, stopping you each time you attempt to go farther.

“Hey, don’t,” he warns, pulling you back against him before you can move to open another door. He throws you a disapproving glance, pushes you behind him, blocking you with an arm as if to shield you from whatever’s up ahead.

Warmth blooms in the pit of your stomach, and you bite the inside of your cheek, grateful he isn’t looking at you, afraid he’ll see the heat creeping up your cheeks, how flushed you feel all over all of a sudden.

There’s a rumble somewhere in front of you, and all thoughts of him quickly disappear. You look around you, trying to find the source, but there’s only nothing but darkness ahead. It takes you a second to realize that the rumbling’s not coming from in front of you, but beneath you, and you only manage to yell out a quick warning before you’re tumbling down the floor and into another unknown.

-

It's comical, how quickly things had gone south. He grabs your hand, tries to save you, pulling you back, but he too, loses his footing, the broken floor crumbling with his weight. He tumbles down with you, and ever the hero, he rolls you over, wraps his arms around you as he bears the full brunt of the fall. You land on top of him, your head resting against his chest, completely unharmed. You don’t think you could say the same about him, though, if the little pained noises he makes are of any indication.

“Leon?”

He hisses in response; it takes him a second to fully answer your question. “Still… alive. Mostly.” He tries to laugh it off, but it comes out as a wheeze, and you curse under your breath, wondering if he’s broken a bone trying to cushion your fall.

“Shit.” You scramble away, but it’s hard to move when you can barely see anything around you. “Are you okay? Did you break anything?”

“I don’t think so,” he replies, though it’s not hard to know that he’s lying. He’s probably trying not to worry you too much, and you can’t help but feel a little bad about it. You hear the rustle of a fabric, chalk it up to him sitting up, slowly moving around. You make grabby motions with your hands, trying to reach blindly for him in the dark, and it’s almost second nature by now, how quickly you find his hands, how easily he could guess what you’re thinking, letting you take his hand in yours.

“Leon?” you say again, and he hums under his breath, just to tell you that he’s still there, still listening. He squeezes your hand comfortingly. “Can you turn the light on?”

“Okay.” Gently, he pulls away from your grip, and you hate how quickly you miss the warmth of his hand in yours, the familiarity of his touch. Still, you wait with bated breath, listen to him scrambling in the dark, searching for his things.

“Shit,” he mutters under his breath, and you don’t like the way he says it, a little fearful, almost panicky. “I think I dropped it.”

Shit indeed. “Really?”

“It’s not with me,” he says. You hear the sound of fabric rustling again, though the search is quicker this time, yielding the same results. “I think I lost it earlier when we were falling.”

“Oh.” Now you feel doubly bad. If only you hadn’t been too curious; if only you’d heeded his warnings. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Now he’s the one who’s reaching for you, taking your hand in his, and it amazes you how easily your hand fits into his grip, as if it’s meant to be there all along. You bite your lip, shove the thought down. Not the time. “It’s not your fault.”

“I know,” you say, because it’s the only thing you could think of saying. “But still—”

“Hey, no worries,” he says, cuts you off before you could even finish speaking. He squeezes your hand once more, a silent reassurance. “We’ll figure it out.”

“Here’s the secret room you’ve been telling me all along,” he continues after a pause, and you could hear the smile in his voice, that playfulness he tries so hard to affect. God, he’s really trying to cheer you up, isn’t he? And you don’t even deserve it. You think you might just burst into tears. “Maybe we’ll find something here.”

You blink back the tears. “Like a flashlight?” you ask, deciding to play along.

“Yep.” Gently, he pulls you to your feet, refusing to let you go even as you find your balance. “Maybe a whole lot of things, too. A knife for you to use, not rusty, of course.”

You laugh. You feel light all of a sudden, like you’re not even certain what you’re even feeling bad about. “Okay,” you say after a moment, huffing out a breath. “Let’s go.”

He doesn’t say anything in response, but he gives your hand another squeeze, warm, familiar, and it’s enough of an answer. You walk ahead, further into the dark.

-

You can’t see anything in this place. You can’t even tell if there are windows around, or if there are doors, some other rooms aside from this. So far, you haven’t heard any zombies stirring about – which is at least a load off your back, because you wouldn’t know how to fight them off in the dark and you definitely have no intention of trying.

“Hey,” Leon mutters from beside you, and he’s so close that you could feel his breath against your ear, warm, ticklish. You bite the inside of your cheek, trying to fight back a shiver. “I can’t see anything in here.” He pauses, as if looking around, then leans in again, whispering the words against your ear. You can’t tell if he’s doing this on purpose. “Can you?”

You shake your head, too nervous to even say anything out loud. Upon realizing he couldn’t actually see you, however, you clear your throat, voice the word out loud “No,” you say, and you hate how weak your voice is, how breathless it sounds against your ears.

He hums under his breath, thinking. “We should probably keep close,” he suggests, “Stick to the walls, find out if there’s a window somewhere or if there’s a room that has one.”

“Okay.” It’s a sound suggestion, one you can’t even protest to – not that you would, anyway, especially when you trust him with your life, but still. You feel like there’s something missing, even if you can’t bring yourself to say it out loud.

Not that it matters, anyway, especially when you’ve got a mind reader for a companion. Or maybe he just knows you too well. He reaches for your hand, takes it in his, twining your fingers together.

“There,” he says, and you could hear the smile in his voice, that mild trace of amusement he’s not even bothering to hide. “Now you won’t get in trouble.”

You’d scoff if you weren’t so giddy right now.

-

You don’t even where you are at this point. You’re still lost, that much is clear, but you’ve been lost since the beginning that it doesn’t really make much of a difference. Still, it’s getting tiring only walking around in circles, never reaching any new place, not even a way out.

It shouldn’t be too bad of a journey with Leon as your companion. He’s a careful explorer, not at all like you, keeping you close at all times, tightening his grip on your hand each time he’s convinced that the floors might crumble again a second time.

It should feel romantic, and in a way, it is, especially when he’s so keen on keeping you safe from harm, but you still can’t shake off the feeling of dread, even if you don’t quite know why.

It’s hard to see anything in the dark, and so far, you still haven’t come across any window, which makes exploring extra difficult. You can’t tell if you’re just lost, circling the same place over and over for the hundredth time, or if you’re somewhere new entirely, traversing into new territory. But there’s no other choice but to keep going.

-

Okay. If you weren’t sure what’s wrong before, then you certainly have an answer now. You’re being watched, and by something you can’t actually see. You’ve mostly ignored it at first, chalked it up to plain paranoia, but the dread becomes more and more prominent the further you walk.

You stop for a second, look around you, trying to see where it comes from, where it could be hiding. You find nothing of note, not an answer, not even anything short of a clue – just a sea of darkness stretching out on all sides. You frown, not quite liking this at all, but you keep your mouth shut and soldier on, knowing you couldn’t worry your companion over something that isn’t entirely concrete, based only on a gut feeling.

You follow after him, gripping his hand tighter, reminding yourself of his presence. He’s still here, still beside you. He squeezes back, a seemingly automatic response, and you exhale a breath, feeling slightly relieved.

You walk forward. The hallways are getting narrower now, and you’re certain you haven’t been to this part before. Still, you can’t shake off the feeling of dread, that prickle at the back of your neck, and briefly, you wonder if you’re being led into a trap or if you’re actually making good progress.

You haven’t noticed you’ve stopped walking until you feel the gentle tug on your arm. “Hey.” His voice snaps you out of your thoughts, and you blink a few times, focusing on the sound of his voice, the warmth of his body beside you. Real, solid. Steady. “Are you okay?”

The concern is clear in his voice, unmistakable, and you can’t stop the way your heart gives a sudden lurch, your chest fluttering as if you’ve swallowed a mouthful of butterflies. “Yeah,” you lie, and from the way he’s humming under his breath, it’s clear that he doesn’t buy it.

“Did you find anything?”

“Not really,” you say, which is a bit of the truth. You glance around you, still feeling slightly on edge, but you don’t want to give him more reason to worry, not when you’re not sure of anything yourself, so you force a smile on your face – as if it’d somehow make him believe you. “I’ll be fine. No need to worry about me, really.”

“Come on,” he says. It sounds chiding, like he can’t believe you’d even say that. “You know I’ll always worry about you.”

You blink, not quite expecting that. You open your mouth, close it again, feeling like you should say something, but not quite sure what. Silence hangs between the two of you, awkward and heavy. He’s the first to break it off, clearing his throat, quickly changing the subject.

“We should get a move on,” he says. He’s careful not to mention anything about earlier, and you can’t tell if you should be grateful or not. “I think we’re making some progress. We’ll just need to find an exit, get somewhere new.”

You’re still too stunned to give a proper response, so all you could do is nod dumbly and follow after him.

-

You find that it’s good progress, at least. You’ve found a few rooms with a few windows, high up that you can’t climb up and see what’s on the other side, but it allows a sliver of light to spill through so you’re not completely shrouded in the dark. That feeling of dread still hasn’t gone away even now, following you from room to room, haunting you like a ghost no matter how much you try to forget about it.

But it still hasn’t shown itself, which you suppose is good. You’ll have plenty of time to prepare, just in case it’s something you need to fight. You exhale another breath, shifting closer to your companion as if his presence alone would be enough to ease your worries.

He’s poking around the room, trying to find something he can use, and you’re following after him like a lost puppy, not wanting to be alone for a single minute. He doesn’t seem to mind. So far, he’s found very little: just a torch, a box of matches that miraculously still works, another rusty knife, and a flashlight that has no batteries in it. Great.

He stops walking, turns to face you with a furrow on his brow. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” The lie comes quick, easy. Somehow, he’s even harder to convince when you’re no longer in the safety of the dark, your emotions hidden like a veil.

He frowns, looks around him. “Did you find another zombie lurking around?”

You open your mouth, say something in protest, but he’s shaking his head, refuses to let you finish. “Come on,” he says, squeezing your hand and lacing your fingers together. His touch is warm, comforting as is the rest of him. “You know you can tell me anything.”

You close your eyes, open them again, huffing out another breath. “Not a zombie, no,” you say truthfully, pausing as you try to find the right words. Even now, you still can’t explain it. “Just… I don’t know. A gut feeling? I can’t tell what it is yet, but it feels like there’s something watching us.”

He raises an eyebrow. “A ghost?”

You start to shake your head, then stop when you see the look on his face, rolling your eyes and smiling. “I’m not sure there’s a ghost in here, Leon.”

He shrugs. “We’ve seen plenty of things already. What’s one more?”

You laugh. “You’re right. But we can’t fight off a ghost.”

His voice grows quiet then, drops to a whisper. He sounds suddenly serious. “I’d do it for you.”

You blink, unsure if you’ve even heard him correctly. There’s a buzzing in your head, a pounding against your ears. You can’t hear anything but the sound of your heart beating wildly against your chest, ready to spill out. All of a sudden, your throat feels very dry. You can’t find the right words. You lick your lips, try again. “What?”

“Nothing,” he says, just a little too quickly. You open your mouth, wanting to ask more, but he’s not looking at you. He’s turned his head away now, avoiding your gaze. You can’t see his face, his expression. “We should go. We’ve still got an exit to find.”

You wonder if he’s already regretting saying anything at all. But then he reaches out, extends a hand in your direction, like he’s waiting for you to take it. He’s still not looking at you, but he doesn’t grab your hand like he usually does. Instead, he’s hesitating, like he’s testing the waters again, gauging your reaction. The closest thing to admission you’ll ever get. And a question.

You bite the inside of your cheek, trying not to smile. It’s routine now at this point, as natural as breathing; there’s no other course of action to take, no other answer. You place your hand in his, watch as he draws out a breath, his shoulders drooping, all the tension in him suddenly disappearing.

His hand closes in around yours, familiar, comforting. Safe. He’s still not looking at you, still not saying anything, but he’s lacing your fingers together, and your hand fits in his like a puzzle piece, and this too, feels like a confession. An echo.

[itsdannysworld]

Secret (Part One)

OMG DANNYS WRITING AGAIN?? Howdy yall, id like to say im back and better than ever, so welcome to my new seriess Warnings: cheating, angst, allusions to smut, cursing, the usual Pairing: Jake Kiszka x reader (I dont know the band Greta Van Fleet and this is all a work of fiction)

enjoy-

Sharing a mans heart with another woman is one of the most painful things. Being hidden by said man is worse though. Whats worse than that, is being told that he loves you. 

You worked backstage as a roadie for Greta, setting up and breaking down the artists most important possessions. You met Jake that way, bumping into him while you ran backstage. “Oh I’m sorry!” You said as he smiled the softest smile, stealing your heart instantly. “Hey, don’t worry about it, shit happens.” He chuckled. “You’re y/n, right?” He asked, still smiling. “That’s me!” You offered a small smile, you felt shy around him. “Hey, can I get you number? For roadie things.” He chuckled. “Oh yeah sure.” You said, typing your number into his phone. “Cool, I’ll text you.” He winked and continued walking. You were neon red at this point, not knowing how to react. The rest of the night flew by, breaking down everything the moment the finished their set. You finally got a break and checked your phone, seeing a new number pop up on your screen. 

New Number: Hey its Jake, meet me in hotel room 430, i wanna get to know you 

You smiled, squealing a little bit at his text. It wasn’t till the next morning you found out about his girlfriend, and that you would have to share him with her. You rode the elevator up to the fourth floor, giddy at the fact you were gonna spend time with him. You made it to his door, softly knocking. He opened it quickly, kinda catching you off guard. “Hey darling, come in.” You blushed at the pet name, not knowing how to react. You walked in, the room smelling like linen and his cologne. You turned to him as he shut the door. “So what does a rockstar like you want with a girl like me?” You questioned. “Well I’d like to get to know you, definitely in more ways that one.” He flirted. You blushed again, your sudden confidence diminishing. He walked towards you, a smirk across his face. “Fuck now, talk later?” Lord he was making your knees weak. “Yes please.” And just like that his lips were on yours, pushing you onto the bed and crawling on top of you. You woke up around 8am, groaning not ready to get up for the day. He laid next to you, dead asleep. You learned a lot about him last night, mainly how good he could make you finish. You went to the bathroom checking your phone. You decided to go on insta and do a little stalking, you may work for him but you barely knew him. 

Fuck

 On insta there he was, posting about his girlfriend and his one year anniversary.

 Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. 

Your eyes welled up, guilt seeping through your pores. You heard a knock on the bathroom door. “You almost done?” He asked. You swung the door open, and he immediately sensed your distress. “Why didn’t you tell me you had a girlfriend?” You confronted him. The tiredness in his eyes suddenly went away. “Look she and I barely get along, we're really nothing.” “Oh so one year is nothing?” You questioned, your tone coming out harsh. “Y/n let's not start this, we both enjoyed last night and I had more fun with you than I ever had with her.” He smiled, pulling you in for a hug. You hugged him back against your best judgment, you caught feelings easily and a small crush on him had already formed. “Let’s keep this between us, our secret.” He whispered. “Yes sir.” You whispered back. 

You left his hotel room quickly, and found yourself face to face with Daniel Wagner. You internally cursed yourself, knowing that he saw you leaving Jake’s room. “Have a good night?” He smiled, acting as if this was a common occurrence. “Sure.” You answered, not conveying too much emotion. “I won’t say anything as long as you don’t, got it? We all hate his girlfriend.” You let out a small sight off relief. “I- uh yeah cool.” You stuttered out. 

What the fuck did you get yourself into?

[obstinatecondolement]

Having kind of a post-NaNoWriMo dip in mood re: the fic groove I have been in tbh. (mental illness and insecurity bullshit, mensturation mention cw)

I do still feel Very Strongly about the ideas I have and I do want to write them/continue working on them in the case of the two WIPs I started this week, but without the external structure of the event it's harder to thinking about sustaining that, especially given that I was making so many glaring mistakes that I feel looked very amateurish (I know it's an amateur hobby, but whatever, I expect very ridiculously high standards of myself in almost everything that I would never hold anyone else to and it's always crushing when I inevitably fail to meet them, lol).

The things I was getting wrong were mostly basic spelling errors, using the wrong word in common phrases that turned things into the uncanny valley of that phrase that didn't not make sense but weren't how anyone would say that particular thing naturally, accidentally flipping word order (or not rephrasing the rest of a sentence properly after copying and pasting things around, etc.), and just, like ... random gibberish typos that only became obvious to me after I posted, despite trying really hard to self edit myself carefully.

It's very difficult for me to have the focus to be able to do that sort of detail oriented task when things are in fast-brain mode. And, like, attention to detail is something I am typically very good at, so it's deeply embarrassing to me, especially in a new fandom where I'm creating a first impression.

And like, more generally I also feel like the shine has kind of gone off me and, I know that this is just my literal mental illness distorting my perception of Everything, but it feels like the fandom is already kind of over me because I'm too much. This is all very much a me problem and I don't think it's true or that anyone has treated me badly or done anything that would reasonably create this impression to a person who was not Going Through It (hence the read-more and, like, also: if you are a recent Ghosts follower you have done nothing wrong and have been nothing but nice to me and I don't want you to reassure me*, I'm just insane and I need to get a grip/have serious mental health issues and need to be better at distress tolerance and not being so insecure in how I'm perceived and prone to assuming that people are sick of me.

But, anyway, I think that part of this is just like... also pretty normal? Hypomanic episodes can last up to months, but usually they do fizzle out much sooner than that for most people most of the time, so I think that I just have kind of run out of steam and now I'm going low again having been pretty high for a sustained two-ish weeks and the very obvious external end of the line signal given by NaNo ending has kind of naturally triggered that downturn.

And I am like, speaking pretty approximately here? I think I probably have mixed episodes more than pure hypomanic episodes, for the most part? But, yeah, I don't know. I think the rollercoaster is coming out of a corkscrew and it's just going down now. Which, you know, does suck but it also won't last forever, so that is some comfort. I also still think I might be premenstrual, which does fuck with my head a lot, so, y'know. TL;DR, I'll be fine, but I am having a hard time. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

*Like, genuinely, please don't. This is a Me problem and I think it would be bad both for me and for my relationships with others if I were to make the people around me feel that they had to constantly protect my feelings by showering me with attention and reassurance, or whatever. And also, like, I'd feel Very Bad if I thought other people felt guilted into doing that because I made a vent post about my irrational feelings that I know full well on an intellectual level are not reflecting an objective reality, because other people do not deserve to feel personally responsible for the bullshit my brain pulls on me.

[alyjojo]

Twin Flame 🔥 Journey - November 2023 - Sagittarius

Your Energy:

Queen of Wands - 3 Wands - Page of Wands

Main Energy: 2 Swords

Your person has a whole gang of people involved with them now, they could have a spouse and 10 kids. I get “big” energy, what they have is big. Big family, big house, big tennis court idk, they’re definitely rooted in their material world. You are aware. You don’t care, but you’re aware. Ish. Queen of Pentacles at the bottom of the reading, could be same sex, could be the person they’re committed to now, could just be showing earthy energy, they’re running an empire or the closest thing to it, could be a business as well.

You’re undecided if they’d be mad at you, if you just came rushing towards them. You’re very passionate about them and just want to talk, you’ve probably wanted to talk for ages and don’t see it ever happening. Hasn’t yet. You know this person has others around them that would gladly fight you if they knew, and you’re not eager to deal with any drama. Queen of Wands shows you as someone fiery, passionate, confident, attractive, ready to strike while the iron is hot…because you’re bored. Unhappy, restless, you feel abandoned by this person, like they just left you behind. I’m seeing right now, with South Node Libra 9th, and Cut Down, now is not the time 💯 It does also indicate North Node Aries 3rd, which is communication and moving away from people pleasing energy, eventually. This person is the runner, you’re still hung up on this, but you have much more to learn & experience before this person comes back into your world.

You’ve been patiently waiting for this person to take the lead, to message you and say anything, but it’s been dead silent. It’s like you’re actively watching them live happily without you. Whatever you see hurts you deeply, it’s making you build up inner walls, killing your confidence - Queen of Wands rev. There could be some jealousy, but that’s because this person has made you feel like “less than” and you’re not less than anything. You deserve everything they have too, in whatever way it looks like to you. But not with them necessarily 🙏

Their Energy:

The Sun - 10 Pentacles - The Magician

Main Energy: 3 Pentacles

This person’s energy is very sharp, cut & dry, straight to the point and no bs. I don’t sense an affair, but I do sense you maybe meeting them after they’d already built this for themselves, you being the curveball to shock the hell out of them. They are very cooperative with the people around them, whether in work or with family, could be both, could even work with their family and run a whole business. Every card for them is Swords energy, even this Ace of Cups clarifying The Sun, it’s connected to the King of Swords. Do they feel something for you, yes, some kind of emotion that they try to block out of their mind and life. It’s not right, logical, honest, 9 Swords at the bottom shows they refuse to be put into a situation of stress, worry, guilt, no. What’s right is right and what’s wrong is wrong. They don’t speak to you for this reason, you make them feel Ace of Cups, and they don’t want to, in their mind they’re happy where they are.

10 Pentacles is what they have, ultimate stability, and 2 Cups too, indicating a soulmate. They genuinely love who they’re with, what they have, 3 Pentacles is appreciation for everything around them, everyone has a role and a part to play to make the united group a success. Family or work, again I get it can be either, that’s where their head is. The only one that doesn’t fit is you, so they have to cut you out, it’s only logical. They avoid sneaky behavior, they don’t want to leave or lose what they have. Creating this block between you and them is only logical, they see your emotions as immature (maybe crushes or new love generally), being rid of the temptation or expectation to communicate is a weight off their back. King of Pentacles rev describes their energy as…not the most emotional person. They’re just not. Work, money, stability, wealth & status, to a detriment, obsessing over these things. If you messaged this person right now they’d probably break your heart. Very negative, controlling, possessive, what you want is to take gold from a dragon, they’ll burn you 🔥

Mutual Energy/What is Mirrored:

The Hanged Man - 10 Cups - The Fool

Main Energy: The Moon

Having pulled Felon for your side, that could explain someone’s issue, they found/built all of this when you were locked up, you got out and they had moved on. If not, you were otherwise unable to be in a relationship, stuck in some way.

The mirrored energy is you both can’t imagine a future where this is going to work out. You’re waiting for them to leave their spouse, or whatever they’ve got going on, your version of 10 Cups is healing from this heartbreak and starting over - they know that. They won’t, but they’re aware. This last row is showing that you need to let this motivate you to find your own path, take a risk for yourself - somewhere else. King of Wands rev show them as your match, but not, they’re not, you just perceive them to be that way. You’re the one that will go through the spiritual awakening first, possibly a dark night of the soul, this person is going to trigger a lot of your own darkness & insecurities to come to light, because they make you feel like less, not good enough. That’s bs. This just isn’t your lane, and this isn’t your person. Is there a soul tie here, yes you’re not crazy. Do they have any flippin idea, NO. And they wouldn’t believe you if you tried.

You have to completely release them, build yourself up, head down new paths and live a life you’ve always wanted to live, striving to love yourself exactly as you are, how you will be. Fk this person 💯 When you pull away, as you find happiness without them, they’ll be spiritually pulled to search you out, and experience exactly what you’re going through right now. Then you switch. South Node indicates a North Node in the…not foreseeable future. Years even. By then you’ll be someone else entirely, and see this person more clearly than you ever did before. Will you even want them by then? Will they be good enough for you? That’s the real question 🩷

Karmic Cards:

SOUTH NODE - LIBRA - 9TH HOUSE

- Remember relationships as if it or they came from God.

- Reconsider the beauty of the philosophies and laws involved.

- Now is not the time to do it with your partner/s and do it in a big way.

Messages:

You:

- Felon

- I fantasize about you DAILY.

Them:

- Mama’s Boy/Daddy’s Girl

- What other people say matters too much to me.

Love Oracle:

You: CUT OFF 🪓

- Cutting Out

- Separation

- Stop the Pattern

- Silent Treatment

Them: GROUNDING 🪨

- Stability & Security

- Performance

- Growth & Endurance

Possible Signs:

Any/all signs possible. Heavy air 🌬️ Gemini, Libra, Aquarius, Pisces, Aries & Capricorn

[maldeldest]

WHAT IF HANS DIED IN THE FIGHT OF THE SNOW CASTLE IN FROZEN

Okay, I just watched a YouTube Video about none of the movie regarding the character of Hans makes any sense in the Disney Film "Frozen" so by some thinking I was like: Hmm but what if Hans actually died while the Fight in the Snow Castle".

Now this is somewhat dark for a Kids movie but taken in how many deaths we actually already saw in Disney movies mostly due to falling it seems logical that if they had the balls to follow this road they sure would make Hans fall down the stairs to Elsas ice palace. He fought Marshmallow and just like in the movie the Monster would get him down with him only that this time, Hans wouldnt be able to hold onto the saving edge and gets rescued. He falls down with him and dies.

That would be most likely, however a death I very much prefer, even though it would be way to violent for a kids Film is the Following:

Hans and the men made it into the castle and with one of my favorite lines "Dont be the Monster they fear you are" he stops Elsa from killing the two men of the duke. One of them holds their arrow at Elsa ready to shoot her, but luckily for the Queen Hans detects the danger and is able to guide to arrow to hit a chandelier instead of Elsa... only this time he jumps right in front of her. He saves her life but died in the process

Now what would his death mean and what would follow up ?

In both visions he would die as a hero. He died trying to save Anna and protecting Elsa.

Imagine Anna coming home, almost freezing to death, and asking to see her fiancee only to be told that he is dead. This would shatter Annas whole World, not only because she already lost her parents and now is told that another Person she loved is dead, but also she lost her one chance of being saved. Im sure one of the guards also told the story that Elsa is personally responsible for Hans death, so until the very end of the movie Anna would live with the thought her own sister murdered her fiance and she would slowly freeze to death.

As for Elsa she would be overwhelmed for sure. Leaving out the possibilty that she developed a crush on the prince, not acting on it because her sister wanted him too out of side, it happened indirectly because of her. Her biggest fear is hurting someone she loves and him being so important to Anna is enough for Elsa to rather die than hurt him and now hes not only hurt, he is dead. If he died to protect her Elsa would probably collapse from guilt and pain and the guards have every oppurtunity to kill her. But if we imagine if they had mercy with her and only lock her up, she would face her death with pleasure because she thinks she ripped an innocent young man from him life.

If his family would actually care for Hans it would start a war between the two kingdoms because they blame Arendelle that their youngest son/brother is dead. But as we learned they are all abusive assholes who couldnt care less so I guess nothing to be expected here

As for Kristoff, since he never met Hans it wouldnt have that much of an impact on him, but out of respect and knowing how much he meant to Anna he would wait to ask her out and be there for her and Elsa in the grieving process, same with Olaf.

All in all everything I just described would make so much more sense than that lazy ass Plottwist we got.

[notebooks-and-laptops]

Honestly something I'd love in season 2 is if Stede became the one who was willing to kill if needs be?

Like. Stede obviously has some problems with 'meanness' and in some vague sense murder. We see this in how he reacts to Nigels murder most clearly with Nigels ghost physically manifesting as a sign of his guilt (and his belief that he deserves to be executed for it before he's actually in front of a firing squad). We also see it in how he reacts to the turtle and the crab, how he reacts to 'making a man eat his own toe for a laugh' and how he reacts to Calico Jack's story of Ed burning down a ship with everyone trapped on board.

Yet also, this is Stede Bonnet and he contains multitudes. Most specifically, when he's asked if he regrets the death of Nigel he says:

Honestly, no. He was horrible. Even as a little boy.

Instead Nigels ghost (and even Stedes willingness to die in episode 9) is all tied up with his guilt to do with leaving his family (a flashback of him leaving the children is played directly after he says this line, and the climax of Nigels ghost is when he's shouting at Stede that he could have had children and thus Stede stole away a father) He's not actually upset about Nigels death or that he killed him, beyond maybe being a little unhappy at the gore of it all.

Everything else I think can be put down to Stede a) not liking gore particularly and b) Stede disliking meanness for meanness sake. I mean, he literally torches a ship in his own way in episode 5 which i think is significant.

And Stede when he gets better at pirating and sword play...idk I think he COULD become the person who kills for Ed. Not wantonly. And unlike Ed I don't think Stede would ever 'enjoy a good maim'. But if there's no other option, or if a person was threatening the crew, or if they were 'horrible' like Nigel...I think he'd gladly step in as Ed's outsource of the Big Job now Stede has solved his problems with his family.

And idk. Stede going batshit like 'unhand me or bleed' but actually making someone bleed. Or stepping in because he notices Ed hesitate before Ed delivers the killing blow...idk. I think that wouldn't be so far out of character. This is the man who was willing to watch a ship burn to the ground, after all, just because the people on board were mean to his crush. The person who wants Lucius to 'note the Gusto' on the raid.

And as an Izzy enjoyer the angst would be delicious - because he would feel replaced not just in Edwards attention but in his utility. The man who kills for Blackbeard now comes in fancy clothes not just in the form of a right hand man.