#but also healing relationships are so cathartic and i must also talk about them

[ajatheoleander12]

Sure, therapist Nahida sounds nice. But have you thought about good coping mechanism Nahida and bad coping mechanism Wanderer healing together?

There's something nice about her giving it to him straight, without coddling him or trying to get a result from helping him or looking down at him like the other people in his past did. She still let him believe that she was doing it for her own benefit cause she knows that he feels guilt for his deeds and his feelings towards others and he wouldn't belive her if she claimed otherwise. She doesn't want to push him to far out of his comfort zone and she doesn't need him to believe that she's trying to help because she doesn't need the affirmation that she's a good person, she doesn't push her insecurities onto him. She tries to both encourage him to walk out of his comfort zone and establish bountries.

I really like the scene where she practicaly tells him: "You were a bad person and you did horrible things and you have to own up to the shitty things you've done."

She's also probably the only person in Teyvat that completely understands him. She was also deemed unworthy of the title of an Archon, she was also deemed too little and not enough for her caretakers at the time. She was also discarded by the people that were meant to assist her growth. She was also replaced with a "better" option. I am fully aware that they also share differences, but I believe those differences are meant to show us an alternate ending to either story. Nahida was never coddled, which lead to her having doubts about herself and trying to please others and resulted in her growing a little on her own. Wanderer grew dependent on his emotional bonds with the people that cared for him and ended up taking their loss too hard and stalling his growth. Nahida met the right people that helped her through a difficult time, both physicaly and emotionaly. Wanderer met Dottore, who manipulated him and made him worse. Dottore was an enabler to Wanderer and a bad influence. And that might be a stretch, but I believe that the meeting between Rukkhadevata and Nahida could have been the meeting between Wanderer and Makoto.

Idk, I could be wrong, but I don't like it when there's a singular interpretation of the relationship between two characters. I'm also not a fan of how we forcfully speedgrow Nahida and how the "baby" metaphore in Wanderer's lore is only ever used to say he's a shotacon or smth. I like the complexity of these characters too much to only have one opinion for them. I also like the idea that Nahida is also self-healing by helping Wanderer, who is kinda like a man-child at times.

[banes-favourite]

What do you think young Gortash’s relationship was like with Hope in HoH!

Also, I love the talk of trauma and scars Enver might have, but do you think there is a lot of fully healed scars? Mostly thinking of when you free Hope and she says “I must be so horrendously scared after what happened!” But she looks fine. Do you think some truly horrid things were done to Enver that just got fully healed away? Or was Raphael just preferential to Hope?

I think he and Hope had a good relationship actually, I will elaborate more on another ask about my thoughts on it.

About your other idea, anon, I honestly have no idea! That's a very interesting concept but I'm not gonna lie, I never quite understood why Hope insisted on looking horrible when she was fine. I chalked it up to the fact that after so many years of continuous torture, her mind broke, to the point she was imagining or maybe just remembering things done to her. I imagine she was tortured as well, much more often than any other prisoner, so it seemed a bit weird how fresh her character model looked. Maybe they got tired of torturing her? Maybe after Nubaldin left his position, they stopped being so harsh towards her? Maybe Raphael just started being nicer to her? No idea, I always thought she should have looked as insanely damaged as she sounded fhdndk.

But yeah I think Gortash had plenty of awful things done to him that were healed away. I bet they chopped off his limbs for fun and Regenerated them back. One time he was beat literally to death and brought back with a Revify Scroll, probably the only time Raphael took pity on him and punished his abusers quite harshly for 'almost killing his asset.' Awful day, to experience death, but seeing his abusers scream for their lives was cathartic most likely

[lizardinkart]

when people are like "i'm going to Score A Win For The Gays by performatively decrying Taylor/Brian" but actually they're just being racist

Alright it’s almost 2 AM time for an unhinged rant

This is my #1 pet peeve actually. As a pasty white queer person nothing pisses me off more than white queer people (or even just queer people full stop) using their queer/gay/lgbt card to just be another kind of bigot. You can be queer and still be racist besties! Examine your beliefs and question why you believe them!!!

But in all seriousness people performatively decrying Taylor/Brian as either “uwu Taylor must be a wlw untouched by the impure hand of Men” or “Not-as-slick-as-y’all-think-you-are racists” gets on my nerves so bad. Because you’re missing the chance to appreciate the actual text of the story AND the bittersweet tragedy of it all. Just because (spoilers) they didn’t work out and Brian dies unceremoniously without Taylor knowing or bothering to double check (right before she scrambles her brains and uses the fabricated idea of Brian in a cabin as her anchor to reality), doesn’t mean that they didn’t impact each other and make each other better (and worse) people in long-lasting ways. Yes, Taylor MAJORLY fucked up Brian by abandoning/betraying him when he really needed that stability and she promised that she could deliver it, and it’s cathartic to get out of Taylor’s head and see that he actually did find someone he could lean on in Cozen, but also we can see how this kind of young, naive, and well-meaning but ultimately destructive kind of love that I’m sure many of us encountered when we were young and fucked up in a relationship (romantic or otherwise) could manifest in someone like Taylor. Because we saw her at her best, when she was able to be what she needed to be for Brian, when Brian made her finally feel good about herself for the first time since Emma turned on her, when they found comfort in each other when their worlds fell to shit. The wounds they healed could only be matched by the wounds they made, reflexive and thematic of them being in the right relationship at the wrong time. If I made that dynamic into a queer relationship or a same-race relationship, bet people would be talking about this ship a whole lot more. But no. We have to be racist and put down het ships because everything that’s het or “Not White/the Acceptable kind of POC” is Bad and Icky and we can’t be bothered with that. God forbid it be both! Fuck riiiight off :)

(Also side tangent but a healthy dose of biphobia oft sneaks in here because everyone’s quick to write off that bi people can be in het-passing relationships too. I do in fact fanon Taylor/Brian as both being bi because men and women don’t talk about women like that *gestures vaguely at how Wildbow writes florid descriptions of women in Taylor’s brain and like, the barest bones musings for Brian, repressed bisexual <3* and not end up being some kinda fruity.)

To paraphrase my much-smarter-than-me partner, it is still revolutionary to see a black man and a white woman in a real relationship in media, especially one that doesn’t play into the tired racist stereotypes and is (at least somewhat) healthy and optimistic about the fact that interracial relationships are not only viable but completely normal and harmless and desirable. Taylor/Brian was by no means perfect, but my god was it refreshing to see a character like Taylor, a very complex feminine character that wants to be perceived as strong, smart, and capable while also being feminine and desirable without being conventionally attractive, who just wants to know she can be loved despite her trauma, and Brian, a deeply emotional man struggling with the interconnectedness of his life’s traumas with his practice of masculinity as emotionally restricting/repressing, and his desire to protect the people he loves despite the literally crippling PTSD and a tendency to hold on just a little too tight, get into a relationship and actually work out there for a sec. And the fact that you get all of this obvious love and care and attention put into an interracial relationship on TOP of that is just chefs kiss 11/10 best shit I’ve seen in my life. It is such a welcome change to your average tasteless, de-clawed straight or even gay relationships in media or fandom and I would actively pay to see another Taylor/Brian style pairing over 2 conventionally attractive twinks/femmes being uwu cute at each other.

This was a very meandering and scattered rant but yeah. This is by no means excusing any of the actually racist stuff in Worm, because it’s certainly in there, but I can talk about that a different time.

Thinly veiled miscegenation-phobias and generalized racism begone! Stan Taylor/Brian for clear skin and an actually well-written romance.

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

it's me, hi! i'm the anon for last night, it's me!

i think i should use an emoji to identify myself

so, again you were very spot on! as you elaborated perfectly: unfortunately most of the time these partners don't even do this on purpose, it's usually a consequence of this habit of most men always thinking that the woman will solve everything, of being used to having their needs always be taken care of and are catered to. in simply being used to not thinking too much about this kind of thing. and this custom is only broken if the man has some form of will and motivation to try to change and really try to help his partner, whether in emotional or domestic issues, being willing to live as a team where one helps the other. but as you mentioned, most of the time that's not what happens

as for adulthood: exactly! everything is kind of a mess. and I also have a close friend who ended an engagement and was very embarrassed by the situation, in her case, the relationship was already full of problems, she said yes to the propouse but after a few month she realized it wasn't right. they had been dating for a few years, she had even moved to another country with him because of his work, it's a very long story lol.

but anyway, what I also find interesting is that all the situations you mentioned are so common, but when we are going through them we feel so alone. Some women are embarrassed to tell their friends about these problems while things are still being resolved with their partners, some only tell them many years later (I know cases of some women who were betrayed during the relationship, but decided to stay with their partners for a while, so they omitted this issue from some friends). like, we know that adult life is very chaotic and surely know someone (or will you eventually find out) that has been through the same thing as you, but when everything is going on it's normal to feel a little alone too.

lastly, taking advantage of your references to peter and ylm, I wanted to say that I really admire taylor for talking about this, I know it was expected, but sometimes I think it must be very difficult to deal with such a sensitive and vulnerable subject with thousands of people. sometimes I see some people commenting that they thought she made everything too blurry, but to be honest I think that's normal, I think the way she was able to share it all with us was the limit she could go at that moment and I already I think she's very brave. I think we in our late 20s or early 30s can pick up what she's putting down.

Hi anon! Welcome back!

“What I also find interesting is that all the situations you mentioned are so common, but when we are going through them we feel so alone” this is so, so, so true, and tbh I feel might be a big reason why Taylor decided to release TTPD the way she did and when she did, and I think being able to perform it on tour has been so gratifying and liberating.

I’ll tell you that in my friend’s case with the broken engagement, she was incredibly private about their problems — and this is someone I’ve been friends with nearly my entire life. My spidey senses picked up that something was going on with her after a particular day hanging out at their house, but when I gently pressed my friend chalked it up to pre-wedding jitters. So I gave her grace to speak about it how she wanted but just continued to support her as best I could. It wasn’t until the aforementioned bathroom floor breakdown that everything spilled out and I found out what was going on and how bad a place she was in. After it came out, I think it finally gave her strength to understand what she needed to do and do it, as painful and embarrassing and sad as it all felt at the time.

So I really do think Taylor writing and releasing music about it, more or less in real time, is her own way of doing that, and she’s said as much on tour about how cathartic and healing it is. It took a lot of guts to write the album, plan its release in the middle of a global tour and rejig an entire set list to fit it in and get that catharsis every night on stage. And I think about how many stories I’ve seen on here and other platforms in the last three months of people relating hard to the song and having their own Smallest Man or So Long London moment in their lives and I think that’s very much part of Taylor’s intention with the album. All at once the ink bleeds.

I love TTPD. Like, unabashedly and completely. I love how long The Anthology is and there are few, if any, skips on the album for me. And even if there were, I’d still respect Taylor’s right to release such a length album because a) she can and should do whatever the fuck she wants and b) I truly feel every one of those songs had to come out of her and each one says something about what she’s gone through and what she’s processed in the past year. I know people feel like the album needed more editing or whatever, maybe there’s an argument there from a commercial or production point of view, but like I said, I think every song relays an experience from her life, either literally or metaphorically, that she felt she wanted out in the world so people know and understand her.

This isn’t directed at you at all, but I can’t take any argument against her making the muses too “blurry” seriously whatsoever. IT’S HER WRITING AND SHE CAN DO WHATEVER SHE WANTS. She doesn’t owe anyone a verbatim telling of her life, and art takes on so many forms. No one would demand an explanation from any other artist over the inspiration for their work, and Taylor shouldn’t be expected to either. Maybe songs are about one person, maybe they’re about five, maybe they’re about no one and from her imagination, but regardless of the inspiration, it’s all her. Never let the truth get in the way of a good story, after all, lol. But in all seriousness, this is songwriting, and while we know Taylor writes from her own experiences, and we are lucky to be able to take those stories and use them to gain insight into her as a person, she is within her right to share as much or as little as she wants. All she does is release her music, and now it’s up to everyone else to take it forward. It’s incredibly brave and generous of her as an artist and I wish she got more credit for it, but ultimately she’s getting the last laugh.

Luckily, I feel like it’s pretty easy to pick up what she’s putting down, and I’m glad we have this art to reference when speaking about situations like these.

[sitp-recs]

Meet Me at Midnight by @the-starryknight

Harry/Draco (2022, Teen and Up, 57k)

Harry was beginning to wonder if he’d ever make anything again when Malfoy stormed through the door of Harry’s furniture shop. Now Harry’s got an impossible Ministry commission to finish, and even less energy than ever to deal with his elusive muse. That is, until he stumbles upon the surreal and beautiful world of a mysterious fae creature…

"You are good. You are kind, and smart, and messy too.” He was so close, Harry could smell the pine-green heat, the smell of Spring’s first breaking, of dew in the morning and moss in the deep woods. “I know the land and I know the air. You— You are sunlight. You are rain and sky and earth. You are made of life, and you don't ever have to be more than that."

Surprising a total of 0 (zero) people Starry really went out there and decided to kill me with softness for the second year in a row, writing - once again - one of my favourite reads of the year, the nerve! Who’s that Liv who once said she wouldn’t go for T-rated long fics, I don’t know her 😂

My heart, what a masterpiece. I knew it was Starry’s right away because the evocative prose and wood artist Harry transported me immediately to A Room Up There, another personal favourite. Generous, original, immersive, magical and so very cathartic, this has Starry’s gentle energy all over. I was compromised right at the start because the first chapter has one of the best openings I’ve read recently - an absolute banger in tone and characterization, it introduces this lovely craftsman Harry, soft, anxious and edgy in his exhaustion, and a mysterious Ministry worker Draco, stern and unaffected. The antagonism and subdued tension of their first meeting gave me chills - they’re so fascinating I felt compelled to devour this fic in one go despite the easy flow and (much appreciated!) lack of cliffhangers.

The way Starry has woven together so many elements in a coherent and moving plot is beyond me. This is definitely a Drarry romance, with gorgeous slow burn and a twist I can’t really comment on, but there’s also delightful slice-of-life vibes exploring Harry’s routine and relationships with his close friends. Brace yourself for hot single dad Ron! Power duo Bill & Teddy! Ginny/Luna/Pansy the OT3 we deserve 🙌 there’s so much I adore in this universe surrounding Harry, many interesting and complex characters coming together organically and supporting him in different ways. As usual I need a minute to scream about this superb Teddy Lupin and this charming Ron Weasley, light of my life, with their vibrant personalities and genuine care for Harry, who turns to them for physical and emotional comfort (let’s not talk about my little cry reading “Big hands, a bigger heart, he was warm and close. Harry leaned into the touch.” It’s fine, I’m fine!!!!). This fic also evokes an inspiring message of political resistance and I love how it tackles the issues of creature rights as Harry and Draco come up with ways to defy the Ministry. I loved this subplot cleverly crafted within the main story, it made this fic even more powerful.

Now, I have mentioned originality and I mean it! The Dreamwalker must be one of the coolest, most inventive and brilliantly executed concepts I’ve seen in fic. I was absolutely blown away by how easily the narrative flows between Harry’s reality and those lush, vivid and engaging dreamscapes. I was so immersed learning about it all through Harry’s eyes and wonder, it gave me big Inception feels. Kudos to the evocative writing combining all the gorgeous visual details with meaningful conversations. Everything’s part of Harry’s healing journey and on that note I appreciate that the story didn’t shy away from his growing addiction to the dreams, a very clever way to explore the disturbing side of Fae magic. The lore was spectacular, creepy and seducing at once.

Lastly, the Drarry romance. My silly heart got immediately attached to this wonderful, kind and talented Harry in his aching vulnerability, but I was just as much fascinated by this layered and mysterious Draco. His tough Ministry persona crumbles apart as we realize the pressure he’s working under, only for him to show his true self to Harry (and us), treating him (and us) with such care and earnest tenderness my heart almost couldn’t take it. We all need someone like Draco in our lives and I felt really inspired by him, to be a better, caring and present friend.

This fic is, first and foremost, a love letter. Not only to Drarry but mainly to creators, artists and crafters, who are struggling with burnout and feeling defeated, uninspired, maybe even useless. This was a realistic portrayal of how devastating it feels to lose the grip on our creative muse, the very thing that gives us purpose and gets us through the mundane by making our lives extraordinary. This Harry represents so many of us feeling lost and discouraged and broken, but Starry generously mends all pieces together through Draco’s kindness, as well as some surprisingly moving scenes with side characters (Mrs. Zabini will you marry me 💍) that made my heart ache in all the right places. This fic is full of hope and understanding, it’s about love but also about friendship, self-care, resistance and the importance of fighting for political change no matter how seemingly small or unimportant.

It was cathartic to watch this jaded Harry, who struggled with lack of sleep and enthusiasm, become happy, inspired and proud of his work again. There’s a satisfying amount of emotional growth that makes the happy ending feel earned, and the Fae lore added a magical layer of surrealism that felt like a warm blanket. I wish I could do more justice to this fic but you’ll have to feel the bliss for yourself. Run don’t walk towards this gem! 💙

Read on AO3

[artcademia]

Bodies

I have been grappling with this assignment for weeks now. Amidst the absurdities of an ongoing global pandemic that forces us to work, write and study from home, and the partial lockdown which forced my workplace to close for an indefinite time many weeks ago, I suddenly find myself with an abundance of time and a complete lack of inspiration and motivation at once. It took me forever to figure out which approach to take to this assignment. This was, however, not because the topics that we talked about in class did not stay with me – because they did. I very often find myself thinking about our session with Stacy Hardy and the way she drew our attention to our relationships with our own bodies. I have since made it a habit to actively try to sense myself in my whole body.

I remember back when I was younger, when I was still training for and performing in the circus, I used to be very much aware of my body and its strengths and limitations at all times. We spent months trying to push our bodies to new limits, constantly urging for more – more flexibility, more strength, more control. And we did it without consciously knowing that this was what we were doing. It never felt like exercising. It was merely part of the build-up to the annual climax: the public circus shows during the last week of summer break. Our bodies were our instruments; we used them as a means to tell stories to an audience.

In fact, many artists – particularly those who work in the performative sector – rely on their bodies to narrate stories or impart knowledge or emotions. And while actors or clowns usually use both their bodies and voices to portray characters and to narrate stories, dancers and acrobats are mostly restricted to their bodies. They move their bodies to tell their tales. The body is an important and absolutely essential part – not just of artists – but of every single person on this planet. By ‘body/-ies’, I refer to our actual physical bodies; that is our skeleton, muscles, organs, flesh, blood and skin. Bodies come in many sizes, shapes and colours. They can be flexible or stiff, tender or hard, fit or flabby, strong or weak, big or small, injured or healthy. They are incredibly versatile and can be shaped with the help of nutrition, exercise or drugs or even permanently altered through surgical intervention. Bodies can be decorated with tattoos, piercings, jewellery and clothes. Bodies can get ill or injured and bodies can be healed or even heal themselves.

And bodies have – at least in some way – been a very prominent topic throughout these past couple of months. The pandemic has forced us to focus thoroughly on how bodies work, how they can be vulnerable, how they can transmit diseases and what we have to do to keep them safe. Our bodies vulnerability to external hazards such as viruses has dominated and determined all kinds of decision-making during this pandemic. Decisions that were designed to protect as many bodies as possible, ironically forced many bodies into intermission. As theatres, opera houses, circuses, concert halls, sports stadiums and all sorts of stages had to shut their doors, millions of artists and performers suddenly find themselves unable to do the very thing they need to do to survive – both financially, physically and emotionally.

The movement of bodies has been restricted in various ways during this seemingly never-ending pandemic. Borders have been closed – not for goods, but for bodies – airplanes have been grounded, trains, trams and busses have come to a halt, ships were stuck in harbours, some governments have imposed curfews. And so, all over the world bodies have been stuck at home – at least those that have a home – to prevent them from ending up in body bags.

And many – including myself – have experienced feelings of rustiness, stiffness and ache due to a lack of movement. Confined to the safety of my apartment, I have come to re-evaluate my relationship with my body and the part I play in my physical and emotional wellbeing. I cannot even begin to imagine what this must feel like for dancers, acrobats or athletes. What if they are not only prevented from performing in front of an audience, but are also banned from their training halls, stages and dance studios? What does this situation do to people who are used to expressing their emotions through their bodies?

Back in May 2019, I went to see Jeremy Nedd & Impilo Mapantsula’s (CH/ZA) dance performance The Ecstatic at Kaserne Basel (co-production). The description of their show read as follows:

Pantsula, a historically significant South African subculture. Expressed not only as a powerful dance form which is well known for it’s [sic] high-speed virtuosic footwork, but also evident through a dress code, language, music, and a particular philosophy of life that is all it’s [sic] own. An expression that during Apartheid gave a voice to a whole generation. Praise Break, a mode of praise. A moment... a pause… a break in the context of the Christian Pentecostal Church service, where the dancing body, voice and music energetically coalesce and as a result blur the difference between ecstatic and cathartic. What happens when the aesthetics of these two worlds converge? What happens in this transcendental moment of “break”[?] Within the dance piece The Ecstatic six Pantsula dancers turn to the motions that lead up to the praise break in order to find out, and “break open” a new space all their own.

– https://www.kaserne-basel.ch/en/programme/the-ecstatic/07-05-2019_20-00

The show was phenomenal, and the audience seemed to be blown away throughout. The lightness, humour and flow with which the dancers moved across the stage was stunning and intoxicating. The performance was celebrated with a roaring round of applause and a standing ovation.

After the show, the audience had the opportunity to meet the crew and ask questions during an open discussion with the dancers and choreographers. Jeremy Nedd (CH) and the dancers (Impilo Mapantsula, ZA) explained, that the pantsula dance had its origins in the black townships of apartheid South Africa – particularly in Sophiatown and Alexandra in Johannesburg. The pantsula dance style and culture was developed by black South Africans as a form of peaceful protest against the racist apartheid regime. The dance moves originate from various everyday actions or movements frequently performed by black workers – for example running alongside and jumping on a moving train, sweeping the floor, or assembly-line work. Therefore, the pantsula dance tells the story of black South African workers. This is also reflected in their dance uniforms: pantsula dancers typically dress in colourful work wear inspired clothes, such as bib overalls and converse. According to Impilo Mapantsula, pantsula is not only a dance style, but rather a lifestyle and culture in itself.

What struck me, was the complete absence of women in the Impilo Mapantsula dance crew. When I questioned them about it, they explained that pantsula was originally developed and performed by men only. From the 1980s onwards, there was also an increasing number of female pantsula dancers. Impilo Mapantsula is actually a larger network of pantsula dancers in South Africa, which also includes women. However, they did not specify as to why they did not include any of them in the show.

I wonder what the pandemic with its curfews and lockdowns has done to the pantsula dancers and culture. Do they still meet in secret to dance? Do they dance together via skype or zoom in front of their smartphones? Do they now have to dance alone? What will happen to this culture and art form if it is forced to stand still for too long? How are they going to teach the next generations of pantsula dancers? How do they ensure that the knowledge and history communicated through this highly complex dance style will live on?

Pantsula is but one of countless forms of performative art which are practiced all over the world. How many of them will survive the pandemic? How will they change? Is the performative culture going to be changed throughout? Will dancers, actors and acrobats start to integrate physical distancing into their performances? I guess only time will tell.

Wanda Rutishauser

January 2021

[ksmutclub]

Let’s take a step...

Good Evening Everyone. Admin Tomi here.

I think we’ve reached the need for a full stop. 

There’s going to be a lot here - please hang with me. I ask that you read this thoroughly, because I would like to have this be the cease fire for the current situation. 

Firstly,

We are deeply sorry for any hurt, pain, trigger, or traumatic essence that has arisen in the midst of viewing the Monster Smash prompt list. 

These prompts are based on popular horror movies and books. Things that we easily associate with Horror via authors like James Patterson and Stephen King [which a good chunk of these prompts come from]. So to us, and a majority of the voters/members, who wanted it to return? There was no issue. 

The club rules *specifically* state that we do not allow the following

WHAT WE DON’T REBLOG

Sexualization of minors,

Incest,

Eating disorders,

Self harm,

Glorification of mental illnesses,

Animal abuse,

Any controversial topics,

Political topics,

Masterlists,

WIPs posts,

Domestic violence,

Abusive relationships,

Pedophilia,

Necrophilia,

Homophobic topics,

Racist topics.

Rape.

That has been the long standing no-no’s of this club since its inception.  We didn’t understand why the anons, and few members that came forward, would think that we would: 

A - allow any story that breaks the rules to pass through. B - that any of the writers/creators/esteemed members of this club would dip down to those levels to create material that does exactly what we ask not to be done.

We’re all adults, and trust that everyone knows right from wrong, and understands the ramifications of such issues.

We in no way intended to cause trauma, downplay anyone’s trauma, or ‘insult’ anyone with mental health issues. 

But.

We cannot stop creators from writing things that may include dark topics. 

We believe in the portent of trigger warnings required on each story. Because what could be a trigger for you? Could be a cathartic release for someone writing from a similar experience, or someone with an interest in said experiences.

We trust and believe in you all to believe in self-care. Meaning that if someone happens to post a yandere story with a trigger warning for blood? That you would move to the next story. We believe that every reader and creator are the masters of their Tumblr experience and will act in accordance with the safety of their well-being and mental health in consideration.

With that all being said? The h***ler prompt was missed/misstep. Again, we profusely apologize for that one making the list. There is no excuse, I will attempt to offer none. The K Smut Club Admins will do better to be more mindful/careful/watchful of such things in the future.

Now, a point was made during the back and forth of the evening. That one message cleared most of the confusion. A trigger warning on the prompt list. Which in hindsight, may or may not have made a difference. But, it would at least show that we DID hear you about the certain prompts [esp. the h**ler one, cause that should've never gone up. So we thank that member for catching it]. 

So going forward, since this has been a lesson, we will make sure to trigger warning as best we can for the next Monster Smash event. As a reminder, the prompts are purely voluntary to serve as an example of what you could possibly write. None of these were mandatory, or necessary to participate in the event.

Again, with any event the idea of your story and where it goes is always up to you, the creator.

To the matter of the prompt examples list? 

We can all agree to disagree. Everyone perceives things differently. Again, we trust you all to be mindful of the rules and not write anything that would be considered illegal. For example:

A brother and sister find an old door in their basement that wasn’t there before.

Hansel and Gretel; or Brother and Sister monster hunters, sister gets kidnapped by demon that’s been lusting over Brother. Or in secret relationship with brother - sister is kidnapped with ultimatum to come on over to the bad side or they’ll make the sister disappear. So, no incest. 

The abused animals of a zoo are unleashed and wreak havoc on a small town.

Based on James Patterson’s Book ‘Zoo’[and there was a miniseries]. Animals of the world suddenly developed a genetic abnormality that caused them to rise up and try to take the planet back. Believe it or not? There was romance/sex involved in the people trying to save the animals, the world, and themselves. One of the scientists fell for a reporter as they worked together for a cure. The story written could have the two people getting together and that amount of care they have for solving the menace - solves it. So, no abused animals.

Deceased soldiers return to their Civil War-era homes.

Based on multiple episodes of the Twilight Zone or the Outer Limits. People that may have died with strong regrets and the people who miss them terribly are given an opportunity to come back for one day. Fully alive, flesh and blood, breathing living - to spend one day with each other to help them move on. Also the movie Warm Bodies where a zombie regains his humanity, and undoes the curse of the undead by falling in love, of all things. The ‘zombie’ fully regains his humanity, living breathing, and bleeding - there’s even a kiss. So, no  necrophilia.

A monster is terrified by the scary child who lives above his bed.

Based on Monsters Inc. and I’ve seen some Monster Inc Kpop fic smut out there, so it’s absolutely possible to have a single parent cleaning a kids room and shenanigans ensue, or not, and just be a super crack horror fic.

A family dog runs away from home. He returns a year later to the delight of his family. But there’s something different about him. Something demonic.

Based on Pet Sematary, Stephen King classic. Synopsis could be that parents lost a family pet, trying for a child, pet returns, horror ensues. 

A child sleep-walks into their parent’s room and whispers, “I’m sorry. The devil told me to.”

Based on Case 39. A movie where the kid was a literally a demon posing as a child, and manipulated everyone around her and caused a bunch of deaths/mishaps. 

I’ve made these few scant examples to prove there was no ill, illegal, or sick intent with the prompts posted. Each of them can be connected to a movie, book, or television series that many are familiar with. 

Even though the rules state smut is required, where the smut happens within prompt depends on the story. But, wherever it should so appear would be required, of course, to act within the bounds of the clubs rules. 

Because we trust you, the creators, to abide by them.

In closing,

Everybody has had different experiences in their lives. We are not going to pit pain against pain. No one’s pain is greater. Pain is pain and we all have suffered it, or will at some point. We must do what we need to in order to protect ourselves from things that hurt or trigger us. 

I believe every network feels this sentiment and uses the trigger warning requirement in order to protect their readers from consuming content which would hurt them, while allowing the creator the opportunity to explore and create in the medium they see fit. 

We are all humans trying to navigate a difficult time. We all have our ways to deal with these traumatic and painful happenings in our lives. We either talk about it with our peers who have the same experience, write to forge a path forward to some sort of healing in our own way- or we simply remove that reminder from our sphere of existence. 

We will do the best in our capacity, in this network to create a space for both the reader and the creator to do what is best for them, while following all legal statutes set forth by Tumblr and the laws of the US where it is based.

If there are any club members that have issues with any of the prompts - we ask that you please DM the admin staff off anon, so that we can get an accurate count of the individuals that take offense.

There will be no bashing, no repercussions, or public shaming. 

We want to make sure that the people in our network have a say in what happens within the club events. Just because we can see the story in the prompts, doesn’t mean everyone can. We would be happy to discuss the prompt or prompts in question, with examples or sources to assuage any fears that you have. 

For those who were hurt, disturbed, disappointed, or felt the negativity wrought by this? 

We again, humbly apologize that you have. We hope that we can move forward with the event and the growth of the club with your blessings and participation.

Sincerely, The Admin Team 

P.S. - Death threats, threats of any kind are not ok. We’re all adults here. If you disagree then your blog is the space to do it. Stay out of folks DMs with that bullshit because you disagree - that goes for anybody that has spoken out disagreeing with the club and anyone outside toward the members within the club. We have differing opinions they should be respected. No one should be victimized any further than already experienced. 

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

Chuck, Becky, Leviathan, Cas, and writing endings

The new improved Becky is what happens outside of Chuck’s manipulations. Chuck didn’t have any more need for her in the story so she could just develop as her own person, not as a character. She went to therapy, she looked back to her past actions and mistakes with a clear critical eye, she dedicated her life to creating things that brought her joy, lived her passions in a healthy constructive way; she had a husband and kids... and Chuck makes everything disappear, in a terrible mirror of Amara disintegrating Metatron.

There was no real reason for Chuck to make Becky or her family disappear, just a whim; because she represents everything he and his writing are not and he does not understand.

He claims fans like monsters, like the Leviathan; she says fans like for the characters to talk, to have breaks from monsters to just live in domesticity. She represents fan fiction, of course, and he represents a certain way of doing storytelling, where characters are not given the space to talk and grow and heal. The Leviathan were a particular monster that represented an allegory for the lowest moment in Dean’s life and psyche (gosh, I had read such a great post about the topic many years ago but never found it again...). Also, the Leviathan were written as an anti-Cas figure, and Chuck deliberately leaves Cas out of his ending, leaves Cas away from the Winchesters. Also, the Leviathan represented Dean’s mental illness while Sam’s own was represented by his hallucinations of Lucifer, and Sam’s nightmare in this episode has a lot of Lucifer-Sam vibes.

So Chuck states to love the monster that represents all of Dean’s issues with identity and mental health, and who also represents the antithesis of Cas, and of course what Cas’ presence in Dean’s life means for him. Becky objects that the story the way Chuck wrote it is awful, because it’s too dark and hopeless; she also lists the absence of any mention of Cas as a flaw. Becky understands something about storytelling that Chuck doesn’t understand at all, as already highlighted by his favorable comment about the ending of Game of Thrones. Chuck thinks that the important thing is for a story to make the fan have some kind of emotional reaction, but he cannot see that there are good and bad emotional reactions to a story, especially an ending. It’s a discussion this fandom has had at the time of Charlie’s death (it can be read indeed as a reply to things that had been said at the time) and that other fandoms have gone through (The Magicians after Quentin’s death, for instance). The ending of Game of Thrones and Avengers Endgame have elicited a lot of emotional response, but overwhelmingly negative because of the objectively abysmal quality of the writing: fury and disappointment are a reaction, but not a good one, and arguably not better than no reaction (of course, if you only care about money, even bad reactions create revenue, but that’s a different matter).

Chuck does not understand that tragedy, that characters going through pain and terrible things, need to have a function, need to elicit specific emotional reactions in the fans, that are not anger and fury. The fans must not be left with a sense of betrayal, which is what happens when the story is just bleak and by the end you don’t really know which was the point of dedicating time and energy of your life to it.

Chuck wants to make the same kind of mistakes some very real storytellers of our time have been making. If the characters end up exactly the way there were at the beginning (may that be alone, sad, depressed, isolated, trapped in some abusive dynamic, what people said you’d be, what people feared you’d be, or even literally at the same period in time their journey started) what was the point of investing your enthusiasm and energies and time (and if you produce and/or consume fanworks, we’re talking about a lot of energies and time you invest overall in the thing!) in something that just... took these characters, made them suffer, and didn’t really do anything with that suffering?

And here’s the salt against Sera Gamble comes in. Because her stunt as a showrunner in this show is the closest the show has come to that kind of ending, the bleak hopeless ending where the characters just end up like they were at the beginning, having lost everything they had found during the journey.

Chuck insists with the Leviathan for this very reason. The Leviathan arc--which I adore in retrospect because it was not the end--represents the Worst(TM). It represents Dean’s issues condensed in one monster (while Sam’s hallucinations represents his).

(We interrupt our regular broadcasting to say something that has literally nothing to do with the topic of this post: what if they had left the head of the Leviathan inside Cas’ body instead of Dick Roman’s?? what would have the season been like?? We thank you for your attention and now return to our regular broadcasting.)

Fans liked the Leviathan, Chuck says. I think this can be translated to: fans like Dean the way he is Supposed To Be(TM), depression wrapped in identity issues wrapped in a bottomless pit of longing with no hope of filling wrapped in being trapped in unhealthy family dynamics that eat him up and everyone else wrapped in being “poison”. (That’s the Leviathan. Blackness with no appearance of its own, just a hungry mouth able to cannibalize itself, that puts poison in people’s food. Depression, lack of a solid identity, hunger/longing/disordered eating/etc, issues in interpersonal dynamics...)

If you widen the thing to the others too, you have Chuck channeling an attitude found in certain fandom circles: we want Dean and Sam with their issues, with their ~toxic codependency~, we don’t want them to grow and recover, we don’t want them to have other people in their lives, we don’t want their relationship to become healthy, because otherwise that wouldn’t be Supernatural.

Becky answers that that would be just a shitty ending. Most fans, the healthy ones, don’t want the dark hopeless ending, because that would just empty the whole story of meaning and significance. We don’t actually want the Leviathan, we want the anti-Leviathan, i.e. Cas, what Cas represented in season 7 and still does. The handpicked honey versus the poisoned corn syrup, the handmade sandwich versus the drug sandwich. The reversal of the dive into depression and suicidal attitude. Boning Dick together. Becky is us, the ones who understand the cathartic and folkloric function of storytelling, who get disappointed when white straight dudes with overlarge egos want to write edgy and ~surprise the audience~ (because the audience saw the character development and patterns and foreshadowing, so they decide to ignore all of that and do something different). Becky wants the story to go beyond the monsters and focus on the relationships and the ways the characters can grow and put themselves back together after the plot shattered them.

Stretching it a little--Chuck says Gamble rights and Becky says Carver rights. The dark hopeless ending won’t do, storytelling rules say we need to take our characters apart but then we need to put them back together (over and over, if the show gets renewed, of course, but still). I’m very looking forward to the next episode because from what we’ve gotten from the promo, there’s some heavy callbacks to the Mark of Cain arc. We talk about the Carver era tomorrow...

[seventeendeer]

Top 5 characters? :D I found that She ra has fantastic characterization, even for side characters

it seriously does!!!! I LOVE the whole cast, but many of my favs are secondary characters! it’s very difficult for me to rank them, but here’s my best bet:

1. Catra, predictably, because I am always an absolute sucker for neglected characters who become villains and take their pain out on other people, and Catra even comes pre-packaged with a redemption arc and genuine personal growth and a wonderful happy ending, which was super fulfilling to watch. her dual attachment to and envy of Adora since they were children made her into such a sympathetic villain, even when she was at her worst, and I LOVE how her feelings were reforged into something beautiful and healthy and mutually empowering instead of being discarded because she was too mean or selfish or whatever else. her redemption arc was so sweet and soft and believable, it’s like all the pieces of the puzzle were there from the start, they just needed to be moved into the correct positions. honestly, seeing Catra’s development was probably my favorite individual storyline in the show and the thing that made me completely unable to put the series down before I’d finished all five seasons. her deadly temper tantrum was cathartic to watch, and then afterwards her road to redemption was inspiring and heartwarming and ahhh I love Catra, I could talk about her forever, her whole arc was fantastic and means so much to me

2. Adora, because she’s just such a rad friggin protagonist!!! I love the depth and range of her character, how she can simultaneously be righteous and determined and fun and sweet and ruthless at the same time. I watch a lot of children’s cartoons, as folks who follow my blog know, which is on the one hand a good thing because they tend to have stronger writing than other tv shows, but on the other hand I must admit that I’m tired of the “quirky, district-able, optimistic dumbass child” protagonist trope that’s so prevalent in the medium, which Adora is an excellent opposite of. she’s a no-nonsense, determined and selfless hero who chooses to be good, not out of innocence, but because she has learned the consequences of being evil. her writing is so well fleshed-out that she feels like a real person. I simultaneously look up to her and wanna protect her, she’s so good

3. Entrapta! my beautiful and wonderful neurodivergent person escapist fantasy! I already got to ramble about her a bit in the other ask, but it was just so incredibly freeing to see a character who was so much like myself in so many ways be written with so much kindness and faithfulness to real life. the raw wish-fulfillment-power of seeing a character like her start out lonely and misunderstood, only to later make a whole ton of friends AND become so beloved by the evil overlord who was the main villain for the first several seasons that he switches sides to protect her was just ... absolutely magical. idk who that one storyboarder who spearheaded Entrapta’s development is, but I pledge my eternal allegiance to them

4. Scorpia! actually for very similar reasons to Entrapta! as someone who grew up being told that I was Failing at Being A Woman for a myriad of reasons (being fat, being tall, having ‘boyish’ interests, having traditionally masculine personality traits that I couldn’t successfully hide bc of neurodivergence, etc.) and having internalized resentment of other women and girls because of it, Scorpia learning that there are no entry-requirements to being a princess and that other princesses are actually kind and good and will love her exactly the way she is really resonated with my own experiences of healing from that kind of abuse. also, when was the last time a kind, beefy idiot character like Scorpia was treated with gentleness and respect by the narrative? so many other stories perpetuate this idea that it’s okay to bully and take people for granted if they’re stupid enough, but this narrative is totally deconstructed and defied in She-Ra, and I appreciate it so much. watching Scorpia’s developing relationship with kind and respectful Perfuma was nothing short of healing

5. ... S ... Shadow Weaver ??? her vibes were so rancid but she was so AWESOME. her powers, her voice and her complex characterization were all amazing! I especially loved her after she switched sides and was just kinda everyone’s shitty, rude aunt out to corrupt the youth with terrible life advice. her relationships with different characters and how she treated them was such an amazing insight into an otherwise mysterious and hard-to-pin-down character. I was genuinely sad that she died, even though in my ideal scenario she would also never so much as look at Adora or Catra ever again. RIP queen, you sucked but I loved you for it all the more

[benyhw]

Day 3 - Reflections on emotional maturity

"Wielding sensible arguments can at points be as effective as telling a person with vertigo that the balcony wont collapse or a person with depression that there are perfectly good grounds to be cheerful" A lot of our mind is not amenable to hard-headed logic, not when emotions are involved

Yet, truly facing and understanding our emotions and then still be able to act with some rationality and logic is a testament to emotional maturity. There is more to love, forgiveness, trust than what we think we know.

I am sorry for my hurtful words, said in times of emotional turmoil. I regret my texts and posts, impulsive and raging. I've spent a lot of time reflecting on my actions, your thoughts and feelings and ultimately your decision. The turmoil I initially faced was truly a mixture of shock from how sudden things changed as well as the immense void your disappearance has caused. Given time, I have calmed down and could examine myself deeper on many levels.

I learned that I can be loved and that I can have wants and needs. I learned that my careless acts can hurt even when I don't recognise it at that point of time.

I know my mistakes and can see its damages. I triggered this whole chain of events, rocking what was a seemingly stable relationship. I see that we are flawed, but not un-deserving of love. Our innate reactions and nature is built upon by our past, regardless whether we consciously know it or not. Some traumas and hurt that forms our current insecurities are born from history we may not even remember. Though this doesn't discount our current wrongs, it does help to allow us to understand people better.

I do know, that I can and should listen to what I want and love, not only to that of other's demands or requests. I can be selfish in love and loving. I can earnestly seek forgiveness and then put in action to repent and atone for the wrongs I've made. Yet forgiveness and moving on from the hurt I've caused, is not mine to give or take. It is for me to earn and for you to heal from. I can only do what I believe is best, in terms of my love for you and love for myself. I do feel, we both have a lot to learn in terms of emotional maturity and have ways to go to truly understand what it means to love, to hurt, to trust and to forgive.

=====

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YGV5o6UHjxM - Stay in or Leave a Relationship We expect to be deeply happy in love, and, therefore, spend a good deal of time wondering whether our relationships are essentially normal in their sexual and psychological frustrations or are beset by unusually pathological patterns which will impel us to get out as soon as we can. What films or novels we've been exposed to, the state of our friend's relationships, the degree of noise surrounding new sexually driven dating aps, not to mention how much sleep we've had, can all play humbling large roles in influencing us one way or another. How much of our unhappiness can be tightly attributed to this particular partner, and how much might it, as we would risk discovering five years later and multiple upheavals later, turn out to be simply and inherent feature of any attempt to live in close proximity to another human? Try to have another conversation with your partner in which you don't accuse them of mendacity, and instead simply explain, quite calmly, how you actually felt and how sad you are at quite a few things Consider the annoying traits in all previous partners we've had and people we've known, that our current partners happen to not have, what do we manage not to fight about?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oLq1ktogxn4 - What infidelity means There are, of course, many cases where infidelity means exactly what Romanticism takes it to mean: contempt for one’s relationship. But in a great many other cases, it may mean something really rather different: a passing, surface desire for erotic excitement that coexists with an ongoing, sincere commitment to one’s life-partner. The best way to recover after an infidelity may therefore be to ignore what Romanticism tells us that infidelity has to mean, and to consult instead a more reliable source of information: what we ourselves took infidelity to mean the last time the idea crossed through our minds or our lives. It is on this basis that we may – with considerable pain of course – come one day to be able to forgive and even in a way understand and accept the apologies of a repentant partner. It is on the basis of subjective experience of unfaithful thoughts that we may redemptively enrich, complicate and soften what happens when we end up as their victims.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRaaqN2Atxw - Why We Go Cold On Our Partners Going cold is, in this story, simply the unavoidable consequence of familiarity. he loss of interest isn’t either natural or inevitable. The boredom is something at once more complicated and more active. It exists because we feel hurt by, angry with, or scared of our partner and because we haven’t found a cathartic way to tell ourselves or them about it. Tuning out isn’t inevitable, it’s a symptom of disavowed emotional distress. It’s a way of coping. We’re internally numbed – not just a touch bored. To learn to cope, we need a prominent mutual awareness and forgiveness of this dynamic of sensitivity and distress – and a commitment to decode it when disengagement and indifference descend. When we've gone cold, we may not truly have lost interest in our partners, we might just need an opportunity to imagine that we are quietly really rather hurt and furious with them and we should access to a safe forum in which our tender but critical feelings can be aired, purged and understood without risk of humiliation

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgQvqi6aYD8 - The Secret of Successful Relationships: Rupture and Repair Repair refers to the work needed for two people to regain each other's trust and restore themselves in the others mind as someone who is essentially decent and sympathetic and can be a good enough interpreter of their needs Repair isn't just one capacity among others, it is arguably the central determinant of one's mastery of emotional maturity Good repair relies on at least 4 separate skills: The ability to apologise The ability to forgive - To do so requires us to extend imaginative sympathy for why good people can end up doing some pretty bad things, not because they are evil but because they are in their varied ways tired or sad, worried or weak. It lends us energy to look around for the most generous reasons why fundamentally decent people can at points behave less than optimally. We cling to rupture because it confirms a story which, though deeply sad at one level, also feels very safe: that big emotional commitments are invariably too risky, that others can't be trusted, that hope is an illusion The ability to teach - They give their listener time and know about defensiveness and as a fallback, accept that they may have to respect two different realities. They can be in the end bear to accept that they will always be a bit misunderstood even by someone who loves them very much The ability to learn - They have a lively and non-humiliating sense of how much they still have to take on board. It isn't a surprise or a cause for alarm that someone might level a criticism at them. Its merely a sign that a kindly soul is invested enough in their development to notice areas of immaturity, and in the safety of a relationship, to offer them something almost no one otherwise even bothers with: feedback.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ci-zID4EAPU - How to deal with trust issues 1. Ask yourself how your reactions line up with reality - The thoughts we may have may not always be an honest perception of what is happening 2. Learn to be non defensive when you communicate - Chances are, people take the time to talk to you because they care about you and not because they want to hurt you 3. Let people know what you need and be direct about it - In order to build trust, you have to be open and honest. People often have trust issues because they are afraid of getting hurt. Trust issues are developed when too much focus is concentrated on the pain, but not enough on overcoming the pain. 4. Give people a chance to show you who they are - Give people time to show you their true colours, and you may be surprised that you can go through challenges well together 5. Practice open-ended conversations that allow disagreements 6. Confront your fears and don't allow them to hold control over you - Remember, you have the power to work through your struggles openly and honestly. You have it in you to connect and build trust with others

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d-K5btaxEFY - How to forgive It can be so hard to forgive because – so often – we simply are in the right and the scale of the folly, thoughtlessness and meanness of others seems utterly beyond our own measure. But there are 2 inviolable ideas which should nevertheless, in the face of the grossest behaviour, be kept in mind to increase our changes of being able to forgive: 1. We must remember how the other person got there, to this place of idiocy and cruelty - Every irritating fault in another person has a long history behind it. They became like this because of flaws in their development, which they did not choose for themselves. To forgive is to understand the origins of evil and cruelty 2. There are difficult things about you too - Not in any area remotely connected to the sort of lapses that destroy your faith in humanity. But in some areas, quiet areas that you forget about as soon as you've travelled through them, you too are a deeply imperfect and questionable individual. Gently, you have - in your own way - betrayed. Nicely, you have been a coward. Modestly, you have forgotten your privileges'. Unthinkingly, you have added salt to the wounds of others. We must forgive because - not right now, not over this, but one day, over something - we need to be forgiven too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pVeq-0dIqpk - How to build (and rebuild) trust There is 3 facets of trust: Authenticity in actions, Rigor in logic and communicating that logic, True empathy towards the other

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhyfBi-Ad4c - Loving and Being Loved We start knowing only about being loved. It comes to seem, very wrongly, like the norm. Parent and child may both love, but each party is on a very different end of the axis, unbeknownst to the child This is why adulthood, when we first say we long for love, what we predominantly mean is that we want to be loved as we are once loved by a parent In a secret part of our minds, we picture someone who will understand our needs, bring us what we want, to be immensely patient and sympathetic to us, act selflessly, and make it all better we need to move firmly out of the child and into the parental position of love To be adults in love, we have to learn, perhaps for the very first time, to do something truly remarkable, for a time at least, to put someone else ahead of us.

=====

I know, making this decision has not been easy on you. You struggled internally alone for 5 weeks before taking the brave step to pursue what you believed was right now. I can only imagine the turmoil you've been put through. I cannot and will not blame you for loving yourself more.

When I look at myself and what I've gone through in the past weeks, I do wonder how you are coping along as well. I do believe in what we had, which meant that these days were probably not as easy on you too as you make it seem. I never imagined that my actions were seen as infidelity to you and that while we know it was not ill-intentioned, the feelings you've felt and the hurt I've caused you are valid.

I hope the above few points and videos can eventually help you to heal and move on, to feel ok enough to love another again some day. I am always here to openly talk about us, about our feelings and about what we each want now or in the future for ourselves. In the past 2.5 years, have you done and said anything to anyone or just innately felt that you would feel afraid to tell me of? Has there ever been any breach of trust on your end or guilt, before my current mistake that made you feel betrayed? I am open, with no judgement or shame, to talk about these, if you are ever willing. I have done you wrong, and I truly have repented. I will never ever breach trust like that ever again, not even at the cost of feeling uncomfortable in sharing how I feel.

I too will love myself, doing my utmost best to pursue things I want and love because they make me happy. It is ok to be selfish in love, something I have learned from you that I am grateful for. Take care, I am only 1 text away

Love, Ben

[aion-rsa]

Riverdale Season 5 Episode 9 Review – Chapter 85: Destroyer

https://ift.tt/eA8V8J

The mundane mingles with the supernatural in a enjoyably goofy episode.

Riverdale Season 5 Episode 8

“It is better to know the truth and make peace with it.”

In a bit of selfless wisdom, Cheryl states the above words to Betty in tonight’s bonkers installment. The context being that Betty doesn’t want to tell her mother that it looks like Polly is a goner. So she goes to Cheryl basically to inquire whether she feels that her cousin’s life would have been better had she not known Jason’s true fate.

The from-the-heart response that Cheryl gives her is quickly ignored, and Betty hides the truth from Alice. Since this is an episode of Riverdale, Betty’s deception immediately backfires on her when her FBI superior Glen arrives at the Cooper household to reveal Polly’s probable fate and kick Betty off the case. (Somewhere in the night, Veronica does a breathy cover of The Thompson Twins’ “Lies”).

Anyway, let’s get back to that quote for a second: It is better to know the truth and be at peace with it. That’s going to be the mantra for this entire review, as there are fundamental truths I’ve touched upon in the past that demand to be recognized before the healing can be reached. They are:

1- Archie’s football storyline is a total snooze.

Riverdale may have leaped seven years into the future, but Archie remains as doltish as ever. Granted, K.J. Apa is killing it this season as a grizzled version of the character, but the problem of Archie’s messiah complex still drags on. There are a lot of fascinating things happening on this series right now, and all the Bulldogs stuff does is slow down the breakneck pace that those interesting storylines are moving in. Aliens are in Riverdale, nobody cares about high school football right now. C’mon.

All that said, Britta rules.

2 – Any time that this series isn’t focusing on Mothmen Aliens is wasted time.

The show is taking serious liberties by mashing up Mothman and alien abduction mythologies, which really upends my In Search Of-influenced ideology about how the world works. I’ll forgive this because putting “aliens” on Riverdale is a work of stupid genius but also because I love watching Cole Sprouse and his starter goatee running around looking totally frantic.

3 – Hiram Lodge should be eaten by Mothmen Aliens.

Am I alone in thinking this could actually happen? What a coup for the series that would be! We know that Hiram is involved in some shady business, and all his SoDale shenanigans are a cover for some big secret. Therefore the mystery of the Lonely Highway is directly traced back to Hiram. Is he working for the government? Did aliens cure his mystery illness of last year and in turn is he feeding them Riverdale’s castoffs? Nothing is off the table here. Hiram’s machinations have been the same since he first appeared, but what if he really was working for aliens THE WHOLE TIME? Wouldn’t that be insane/amazing? No other show could pull that kind of shit off.

What I’m saying here is that Riverdale has been dancing with insanity since day one and it’s time to consummate the relationship.

4 – Betty Cooper, Alien Hunter needs to happen.

She fights werewolves in the comics, so is this really that crazy?

The ultimate mystery of whatever is happening this season will likely have a logic-based answer. That’s disappointing, as the Archieverse can be shown to handle witches, so are extraterrestrials that far off? (I’m still burned by the conclusion of the Gargoyle King saga, so I’m not expecting much here). Imagine though, the writing staff wants you to think that everything will wrap up with a plausible explanation and then, boom, it gives you bona fide aliens! A dream is a wish the heart makes…

This episode did give us clarity on a few things. We learned that both Jughead’s and Betty’s investigations lead back to the Lonely Highway and the mysteries — either terrestrial or otherworldly — unfolding there. Additionally, we were reminded that even though he’s ostensibly the lead character of this series, Archie is straight-up boring when he isn’t being attacked by bears or escaping from prison. With only one more episode before an extended hiatus, I hope next week brings us some resolution even though deep down I know that it won’t.

Riverdale Rundown

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• Jughead’s student who writes the troubling story about Mothman abduction is Lerman Logan, a reference to The Perks of Being a Wallflower and Percy Jackson franchise star.

• Old Man Dreyfus’ name is clearly inspired by Close Encounters of the Third Kind star Richard Dreyfuss, which is fitting as the supernatural elements of this season are riffing on the sci-fi blockbusters of the 1970s and ’80s. Further proof of this can be seen by Drefyus telling Betty and Jughead about how Riverdale was a hotbed of Mothmen activity in the summers of 1977 and 1982, ones in which Star Wars and E.T. respectively ruled at the box office.

• Mr. Weatherbee threatens to fire Jughead if he doesn’t stay out of Lerman’s problems, apparently forgetting that Jughead isn’t really even a teacher and is only volunteering.

• Even objectively, Archie is a terrible coach. Can we please fold him into the Jughead/Betty storyline somehow? It’s great to see him and Veronica back together but damn do they need better plots to work with.

• One of the teams that defeats the Bulldogs is the Baxter High Ravens. In case you forgot already, Baxter High was one of the schools that Sabrina attended in Chilling Adventures of Sabrina.

• One has to wonder how the Vixens must feel about Cheryl, a woman in her twenties who graduated seven years ago, returning to her alma mater to steal the thunder of teenagers who live in Murdersville, U.S.A. and have no other outlet besides cheerleading by performing a self-aggrandizing Lady Gaga cover. Cheryl does a lot of messed up stuff on this show, but this act struck me as especially cruel.

• There’s no Toni and very little Tabitha Tate tonight. Boo.

• I still think they should sell the Pop Tate bobbleheads they keep showing.

• Kevin gets put through the emotional and physical ringer this episode. We learn that disparaging remarks from his mother impacted his self-image so much that he turned to cruising in Fox Forest. (The fate of Mrs. Keller is unknown, so it is possible that she will make an appearance in an upcoming episode). The assault that Kevin endured was brutal to watch, but the scene between Kevin and his father was powerful and cathartic. It will be interesting to see where the character of Kevin goes from here, because it is absurdly beyond time the writers give him a personality trait other than chronic thirst.

• Someone on the Riverdale production staff must really love Friday Night Lights.

• I don’t believe for a second that Polly is actually dead. There’s more of a chance of Hiram being eaten by Mothmen Aliens or Archie getting a compelling A-plot.

• I hate on the football storyline a lot in this review, but I do find all the talk about tainting the podunk town’s football league’s prestige to be weirdly funny.

• Pop’s sells take out cold cuts too? Helluva business, that Chok’lit Shoppe.

• “I’m saying that things happen, especially in Riverdale,” declares Jughead, in the most obvious statement in the episode.

• Please let them do a Mulder and Scully thing with Jughead and Betty.

• I think there’s more Mr. Weatherbee in tonight’s episode than there has been in the entire series to date. That’s a fantastic thing.

• So is Reggie done with Hiram for good now? He is such a key figure in the comics that it would be fantastic if the series figured out what the hell to do with him.

• Having reviewed this show from the first episode, I’ve learned a thing or two about how Riverdale storylines work. Therefore I’m calling it now: Glen is the Trash Bag Killer. You think so too, I know it.

• So far this season has drawn influence from everything from cryptozoological monsters to the real-life crimes of Patrick Kearney. Next week marks the mid-season finale, and the promise of everything from aliens to Pop’s possibly being blown up by Hiram? Whatever happens, cherish it, as the show then won’t return until July.

The post Riverdale Season 5 Episode 9 Review – Chapter 85: Destroyer appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2QBxetE

[archieimagines]

Mistakes | Chin Ho Kelly One Shot

requested by: anon a/n: this is two requests merged into one. we hope you like it! warnings: VIOLENCE, alcohol, kidnapping, attempted stockholm syndrome, blood, starvation words: 2,109 el’s note; Please, do not read this piece if you are triggered by any of the above warnings, this piece does become semi-graphic and I don’t want anyone to be affected by it by reading it without caution! If not, please enjoy!

You had been looking forward to spending the night with your good friend Chin. Well, he was your friend that you wanted more than anything to be more.

You were one of the few people to stand by him when he was accused of stealing the drugs from the HPD evidence locker. You had stood by him when Malia had left him. You had been his biggest supporter when he joined the 5-0. You had always stood by him, it was the least you could do, but you sometimes wished you could have helped him get his old job back. But you were only a history professor, one of the best in the country, but still only a professor.

Wiping the sweat from your forehead, you placed the baking tray on the cooling rack.You had cooked all yours and Chin’s favourite foods and snacks, having planned a marathon of Police Academy. But you looked at the clock on your wall, noticing that he was late, it was odd, he was always big on being on time. You checked your phone to see if he had messaged you that he was going to be late. Nothing. Biting your lip you decided to wait before calling him. 30 minutes passed and still he hadn’t come. Grabbing your phone, you pressed his contact and the phone began to ring.

“Hello.” His voice sounded happy, music was on in the distance, what the song was you couldn’t tell due to the chatter in the background.

“I was calling to see why you were running late.”

“Late for?”

“The marathon, Chin.”

“Oh, I must have forgotten to text you. I’m out with Malia.”

“…Chin, I slaved away in the kitchen just to make sure that we could have fun tonight.”

“I appreciate that, I do. But Malia and I bumped into each other and got to talking. So we—“

“And you thought you’d just drop me?”

“Well, it’s not that important.”

“Not important? Well according to you standards then, it’s not important that she thought you stole those drugs and left you!” Recoiling as you shouted it at your phone. 

“You’re really bringing that up! You want to bring up exes, I can do that too. What did happen to that Graham guy? Oh yeah, he left you because the only thing you love more than yourself is the past! So why don’t you focus on yours and not mine? Cause unlike you, I actually want to hang out with Maria right now.” Your hands shook as you lowered the phone from your ear, tears running down your face. Graham had been your longterm boyfriend of 2 years, but had cheated and left you for a model. Chin knew how much that had hurt you, he had been the one to find you in the bath cradling a bottle of whisky.

The sadness was soon replaced by rage, so much that you threw one of your wine glasses across the room, the shattering feeling slightly cathartic. You then threw the other one, finding delight in your blinding rage. Ignoring the mess, you opened the bottle of wine drinking it without a glass. Stumbling over to couch, you switched the tv on, pressing play on the first movie of the marathon, unaware of the figure approaching from behind.

“You alright cousin?” Kono’s worried tone made Chin look up from his desk.

“What?”

“You look really down. The marathon go alright?” Regret washed over him, he knew he shouldn’t have mentioned Graham, but you also shouldn’t have brought up the incident.  So in his mind, the comments made by the both of you cancelled each other out.

“I didn’t up going.”

“What, why?” She asked, coming into his office fully.

“Well Malia and I—“ Kono scoffed, looking away from him. “What?”

“You ditched them for Malia? After everything she did to you?”

“I had every intention of calling to explain. But then she called and brought up the incident.”

“Because they’ve stood by you through everything and you still put them second.”

“I don’t put th—“

“You do! They’ve dropped everything in the past to make sure your alright, but you still choose the woman who left you for something you didn’t do.”

“I haven’t chosen Malia over—“

“Guys, we got a case. Danny’s already on the scene.” Steve informed them before rushing out to his car. He and Kono nodded in response, Kono turning back to give him one last glare, he knew she’d be bringing this up again.

Chin had decided to drive with Steve, his mind mulling over his entire relationship with you, going over all the times you had cancelled dates, meetings, parties just to be with him when he needed it. It was so much in his mind that he didn’t realise they had pulled up to your house. Dread filled his gut, his eyes met with Kono’s, her face morphed in terror. The pair proceeded to storm inside.

The house was a wreck, the couch turned over, shattered glass and spilt wine all over the floor. Worst of all was the copious amount of blood throughout the living room and kitchen. Chin’s heart dropped when he saw what was left of the food you had prepared last night. He saw Danny talking to a CSI, writing things down hurriedly. He looked around further, hoping he wouldn’t stumble across a body bag.

“Looks like a struggle took place after a forced entry. The blood splatter on the wall and remnants on one of the knives indicates that the victim fought back, possibly injuring the attacker before they were taken.”

“So our guy might be walking around with a noticeable gash in neck?

“Yes.”

“Thanks, keep us posted with any new finds.” Danny turned away from the CSI, finishing his notes, Chin walked up filled with anxiety.

“Where are they?” 

“You know the vic?” 

“Yeah, we were—are best friends. We were supposed to be watching a marathon last night. I was supposed to be here last night.” He trailed off, realisation dawning on him that he could have prevented this. Danny lead him outside, proceeding to ask him questions about you, your career, dating history and if you had any possible enemies. He did the same with Kono, who answered the same as him, her hand gripping on tightly to his own.

Steve made the executive decision to keep them both off the case, they could assist with information and from headquarters, but were not to engage with suspects or take the investigation into their own hands. Chin was there when Steve and Danny informed your parents, your mother crying into your father’s arms as it was explained to them that the phone lines were being tapped so that if any ransom calls came through they could be traced.

Chin felt like he was in limbo for the next two weeks, there had been no word from any kidnappers or from you. He had even heard Steve and Danny quietly discussing if they should start treating the case like a murder. It made his stomach churn, but he couldn’t let that stop him.

He was re-watching the security tape of your house from across the street, when he saw a familiar face in the bushes next to your house. It was Graham, he was dressed all in black, slinking quietly to your front door to force open the front door.

He had to tell Steve and Danny.

For the past two weeks you had been locked in the basement of Graham’s house, he had revealed to you that he planned to keep you there for the rest of your life. Apparently his supermodel girlfriend had left him, so his first thought was to kidnap you. He had given you a good beating for attacking him with the wine bottle you’d been cradling. From his actions during those two weeks, you guessed he wanted you to ‘fall in love’ with him again and to be his housewife. And for the past two weeks you had tried to convince him to let you go, you had gotten close several times. 

He was now pacing in front of you, he was paranoid that someone was going to find you, that you didn’t love him like he loved you. That tangent you had to restrain yourself from rolling your eyes. His hair was unkept, dark circles under his eyes, he looked more deranged than before. From your mattress in the corner you could hear him muttering to himself.

“Graham, maybe if you let me go…you wouldn’t have to worry about being found. I promise I won’t tell, I wouldn’t do that to you.” You promised while crawling as close to him as possible before the chains on your ankles and wrists tightened.

“No, no, no, you just want to leave me. You can’t do that, you’re mine.”

“What if…what if after you let me go…what if we started dating again, properly?” He perked up at the suggestion. Bile rose in your throat, but you’d say…do anything to get away from him. “Yeah, maybe we could even get married. You want that, don’t you? Big wedding with the rings, priest and veil.”

“You’d be mine forever.”

“Yes, just you and me against the world.” His smile made your stomach twist, he walked over to you, just as he started to lean down as loud crashing came from above. Multiple voices could be heard shouting. Your instincts kicked in pushing Graham over and screamed for help.

Graham shouted and punched on top of you, easily overpowering your starved body. His hands clasped tightly around your neck, cutting off your airways. You pried at his hands, trying to get him off you. Your eyes looked into his, but it was if he wasn’t there. Just as your vision began to fade, the door to the basement was ripped open. He squeezed tighter before he was suddenly ripped off you. His frame replaced by Chin, his eyes full of horror and worry.

“Ch-Ch-…” 

“Don’t, don’t talk. I got you, I got you, I’m never letting you out of my sight again.”

It was a month later, you had almost completely healed physically from the ordeal, the only visual remnants of the time was the bruising on your neck. But as your therapist made it clear to you, there was still a long time to go before you were mentally healed. He was working with you to heal and handle your PTSD.

It was after one of these sessions that Chin had come over to your new place, you having moved, not able to live in the last one after Graham. The pair of you chatted for a while, at one point Danny, Steve and Kono came over to check-in with you. You had grown fond of the two men, thanking the profusely for saving you, which they always replied that it was Chin who figured out it was Graham.

“So, how’s Malia?” You asked after the silence between the two of you had lasted for several minutes.

“I don’t know, I haven’t spoke to her in the past couple of weeks.” He admitted, but what you found strange was that he didn’t look sad about it.

“Oh, I just thought you and her were trying again…” You muttered, to which he shrugged.

“I guess I realised she wasn’t the one I want to be with.” His eyes meeting with yours, the look in them making it obvious to you what he meant. You immediately blushed, you had been wanting this for so long, but one major issue was in your way.

“I really want that to, but after everything with Graham, I don’t think I can…” You played with your fingers, the nerves eating away at you. His hands, stilled yours, bringing them to his lips and kissing them gently.

“I know, I’m not saying to jump into anything straight away. I just want you to know, that I’m done making the same mistakes of not realising that everything I was looking for in Malia was already in you. And that I’ll wait for you to be ready.” His profession made your heart swell and brought tears to your eyes. Which he gently wiped away with his thumb, his face was so close to yours you that you couldn’t breathe. He leant forward to kiss you gently before pulling away. “Though I’d like to do that quite a lot if you’d allow it.”

“I’ll allow it.” You breathed out, leaning in for another, ignoring his soft laughter.

written by: el

[hootpoop12]

Ok, Meat route feelings:

Ok, this is...by FAR the superior route just saying. Not. That that is saying much seeing what the candy route was but every time I fall into despair over this I just grit my teeth and think about how parts of meat weren’t terrible pfft

-Lets get the johnrezi out of the way cause that’s kinda my thing. So. Good shit pfft I will admit I was little worried that Calliope and mainly Dirk could have tampered with them a bit but I’m pretty sure for the most part they didn’t? Dirk kinda made John feel weird post coital which kinda pissed me off but other than that. Them feelings 100% legit. These two people genuinely love each other. In both routes John’s thought would ALWAYS drift back to Terezi and Terezi’s only comfort was having John’s body with her after it all. Their romance is both cathartic because they are two MISERABLE people who only have each other to understand their feelings and fucking tragic because in candy all he had was a picture and in meat they had a physical confirmation of their feelings only for it to be voyeur’d and then ripped away by fucking John’s death. If there is more to come- I can only image there is- Terezi and Vriska will hopefully somehow team up and look for a way to revive John. Even If their romance was fleeting like 95% ship in Homestuck their support and care for one another is fucking REAL. It was straight UP the only real thing in Candy and I will fight others who say differently. 

-John going back in time to round everyone up felt weird. For the first time they all really felt like children and them all fighting lord english? WOW. Ouch. Especially Dave?? This Dave was the last to go and in the most brutal fucking way?? Kid had to watch Rose and Jade die and still fought pretty well, though. which goes to show Dave is a fucked up dude but when it comes to shit that needs to get done he can hold his own. Thaaaaaats why Adult Dave in both epilogues kinda grated on me a little? Not to fucking say UGH Dave is now more healed and stable this sucks!! I’m more saying there’s a lot of fics that whumpify Dave into a soft boi who too pure for this world and it slightly reminds me of it. That’s probably more of me just being to attached to MY view and headcanons of Dave, though, and maybe I need to let that go a little? 

-Davekat finally fucking happened. Ten years is too long of a slow burn for me I’m sorry lmao seriously I sound like Dirk when I say this but I really thought they sac’d up during the meteor and were already in a relationship. Dave’s whole conversation with John on the lilypad.......literally sounded like he was in a relationship with Karkat.......what the hell, honestly...........I’m glad it was on Dave’s own volition rather than’s Dirk’s gross as fuck pushing at least.

-That brings us to Dirk. The man who has been making my stomach church whenever I remember. My feelings about him are...............fucking complicated. I’ve been reblogging and bitching about him being “ruined” or whatever but.......That really is the simplified version of what I’ve been thinking. I think.....He’s been corrupted by his aspect or he’s just taking this heel “must be the new villain” too seriously. Like, I fucking despise it when people go off and say Bro was corrupted by Cal or Gamzee was corrupted by literally anything cause those two are just fucking trash, I’m sorry. I think I’m mostly upset by Dirk more than anything because his WHOLE thing was that he was a controlling dude with the potential to become an atrocious man and that he was starting to really take control of his path and work his way into becoming a better person. His talk with Jane on his sacrificial slab? His talk with Dave on the roof..........His heart aspect had begun to bring all his splinters together for his ultimate self and when the majority of your splinters carry a very sociopathic personality..............Man, there was literally no hope for him ever, huh? Literally none. The theme of working towards a better version of yourself is MEANINGLESS if your name is Dirk Strider. A character who struggles with depression, suicide, and absolute self loathing and his only path is this. Become the monster he was always terrified to become. Like I’m straight up about to cry writing this holy shit. Dirk is one of my favorite characters of all time- my FIRST favorite character when reading the comic- one of my MAIN reasons for reading it because I heard there was a canon gay character and I needed that in that time of my life. What almost hurts just as much as Dirk being a good guy and forcefully having this fate thrust upon him is that Roxy, the person Dirk cared about the most,.........Like............misgendering them. and being incredibly flippant and rude about trans stuff.......I can’t even begin to describe how much it hurt to read the character you looked up so much fucking being terrible about something that means so much to you. I’m agender and it just hurt is all I’m saying. This leads back to the bizarre issue of Dirk also being sexist and using gay in a strangely duragatory way. Like, Dirk grew up not really putting values on labels so for him to be weirdly transphobic does lead back to the ideas of this being a corrupted Dirk or him just playing the role of a villain. I do believe there is still the old Dirk we know in there, however, as even now Dirk states he could NOT hurt Dave. So some hope?

-Jake. I’m pretty sure Hussie fucking hates the dude like holy shit lmao......lmao in the least funniest way..............In both route Jake is jerked around like a plaything, having his personality dampened by the oppressive narrative. The one time we see Jake have repreive from such a shitty fate is when he’s talking to davekat about the election. That was the single moment we saw the curtain fall and the “intelligence” reenter the dude. I know this is like the “fanon” version of Jake. Every single character has fallen to that: whumpified Dave, puppet master dirk, bitchy mean jane, ect but litereally reading about him coming back to himself fucking HURT. Him being made to be obsessed with Dirk was so fucking gross I was cringing the entire time. The last few months I’ve been slowly accepting DirkJake back into my heart and this just fucking SHATTERED that warmth holy shit. Jake’s struggles with non-consensual bullshit is really starting to wear me down I just want him to be happy and RESPECTED. 

-Alrighty heavy stuff out of the way I will say this: I read candy first and at the end where Alt!Calliope is speaking to Aradia I had almost no goddamn idea what the fuck she was talking about. I even started to get kinda angry cause Homestuck tends to not take itself TOO seriously? There are some philosopical mind melting shit to read and consider but never too much where it’s incomprehensible to me? So when I finished candy I was like alright. Hussie just wanted to jerk himself off. whatever. Then I read meat and was like. OH. This.......this is actually fantastically interesting I can do this meta bullshit! and despite everything I just said about Dirk..........I fucking MISSED reading in his voice and it caught me off guard SO much which is what I love about Homestuck. There were a lot of tip offs but the one that really stood out to me before finding out was the Jake and Jane makeout. It kept going back to Dirk and I was very surprised by that? Jake sounded like he was over Dirk and yet here he was......unable to stop thinking about it? Shit makes. SO much sense I definitely am gonna reread it to look for other stuff, too. The tug of war via the narrative was incrediably entertaining as well.....Dirk is like a super sensitve incel now (caliborn would be proud) so it was hilarious to see him lose grip of it to Calliope. UGH I’m a little guilty to say it but I’m such a slut for anything Dirk I’m also KINDA looking forward to see where this goes and enjoying him being a villain A LITTLE. I know I sound wish washy but hey sometimes feelings contradict!

[naruhearts]

14x05 Watch Notes/Meta Commentary

(This is like, way better than writing separate posts. Why didn’t I do this before?)

I’m currently too busy to write a cohesive review post, though hopefully I have time to do it this weekend!!

- - - -

Leader Sam off the bat!! Hmm hunters are checking in with him now—busy Chief lol

Look at how activity-noisy the bunker is. BODY CAMS as a new hunter system!! Watching and learning epitomized.

Dean’s very involved and on-the-top of his game, although you can definitely tell in terms of ambience that he remains out of place. Again, broken mirror of the Bunker, his Heart and Home.

WTH even is this music??

Interesting...statue of father and child. Father-child relationship emphasized. Father figure and internal development-linked themes as always

Mary/Bobby wearing Michael!Dean and Cas clothes—here we go!! Mirrors!!

IV and blood! It’s the old man they saw.

Maggie in chains. Poor girl.

- - - -

Dying old man’s daughter Sasha saying she needs to sort things out with her father before he dies...she must LET GO. To do that, reconcile your past mistakes with your present self, and look towards the positive future. You’re more than your mistakes. You deserve to be saved. Consistent cathartic themes!! Love it.

AU Bobby totally doesn’t like Dean and Sam.

Similar Dean/Cas dynamic of Cas curtailing Dean’s emotionality lol

“At least he wasn’t like your dad was when I knew him.” Ooooo

BOBBY HAS WALLS, says Mary. Indeed, just like Dean possesses internal walls. Sam and Mary juxtaposed with Dean and Bobby reflecting each other (Dean carrying the BAG OF EMOTIONS, no less). AH!! Bobby clearly established as a Dean parallel. I’m DANCING *serves cake*

People put up walls for a reason, says Sam. There’s the trauma recovery themes surfacing here.

“If you care about him, I think you should [try and find out his reasons for trauma]” —> open communication and deconstructing these barriers to healthy self-process. MORE nudging from the narrative to knock down the psychological walls!! Bobby/Mary are the D/C parallels (DOWN TO THE CLOTHES) depicting what future Dean/Cas (and TFW) should (continue to) learn!! COMMUNICATE and HEAL TOGETHER AS A RELATIONAL UNIT.

lol nice powder Dean

MoTW is weird, popping here and there.

- - - -

Dean still has the bag on, of course.

Dying old man’s daughter Sasha stating her dad is an alcoholic/toxic narcissistic tendencies!! Sasha the Dean mirror; her dad the John mirror.

Yes, Dean staying with her. Here we go.

The BAG OF EMOTIONS IS ON THE SEAT.

Boom, Sasha says she isn’t up for Heart to Hearts with Dean. Then she opened up: her father was away all the time. She worshipped him as a kid. Dean is so obviously reflected by Sasha!!!

JOHN-DEAN once again slathered ALL OVER this narrative.

DEAN TELLING SASHA TO LET GO OF THE PAST YES!!

Omg he literally told her the past is baggage. And the bag is on the seat, right there with him. TPTB directly connecting the bag to psychological baggage stimulated by John Winchester *thumps table* *guys je suis TRÉS EXCITÉE OKAY*

“Is that what you do?” Sasha asks Dean. Dean says he TRIES. Oh, Dean, you WILL SUCCESSFULLY LET GO, as well.

AU BOBBY HAS A SON DANIEL

MARY FIGHTING DANIEL

Daniel was killed by angels :o But here he wasn’t real—he was a caricature!

Bobby chose Mary over his son. He’s AFRAID TO LOSE MARY. That is his worst nightmare. Continuous Bobby/Mary = Dean/Cas 😭

Not to mention it could be a deliberate callback to Mary—despite knowing that Azazel will come for her family—going through with the demon deal so she can save John! Mirrors reflecting mirrors reflecting mirrors, eh? Season Reflections 14.

John/Mary = Bobby/Mary = Dean/Cas. Upholding previous season ROMANTIC mirrors.

Dean’s “Sasha, will you make me a sandwich?” smh

IT’S A DJINN OMG

Michael!Dean asked the djinn to do it—to kill as many hunters as he can.

Djinn is the reflection of Michael too: capitalizing on his victims’ INSECURITY and FEAR via reaping their minds to manipulate them (“Weaving our poisonous webs inside people’s minds.”) Because of Michael, he can bring the nightmares out into the world.

wtf DJINN can’t even SEE into Dean’s mind. “You...you...” (or maybe he DID SEE, and WHAT was there for him to see?). MICHAEL IS SETTING TRAPS @dimples-of-discontent yes, he’s the HUNTER (as he’s said in 14x02), cooking up strategic plans. Michael not being truly gone. Hiding in plain sight.

- - - -

Sasha telling Dean you can’t change the past. ABSOLUTELY. Instead, you can change the future!

THIS IS WHAT SHOULD (AND WILL) HAPPEN FOR TFW, especially DEAN! Dean Depressed Winchester must die so Dean Self-Actualized Winchester can live.

Aww Dean is proud of Sam (man, the bunker’s BUSTLING). Toxic Brodependency cannot be found anywhere in the current narrative and I’m delighted. It’s genuinely dead e.g. when Bobby berated Sam, Dean didn’t retaliate.

Mary patching up Bobby’s wounds. Bobby (also a John mirror in certain respects seeing as he’s Mary’s romance-coded replacement) saying Hunting is what got them through life.

Mary telling Bobby it wasn’t his fault = Cas and Dean’s own past instances of emotional disclosure and reassuring each other. Mary/Bobby Heart to Heart. Mary/Bobby everything. Oh, and Bobby’s left arm/side was bandaged by Mary. I’m loving the romantic subtextual Reflection cake of D/C ;-;

**sigh these two lovers**

Bobby not knowing any other way to live besides hunting, but MARY CLAIMS THEY WILL FIND ANOTHER WAY (“Don’t give up on me”)—introducing alternative positives/narratively reflecting Cas’ role in Dean’s life as his anchor. Dean, who knew no other way of life until Cas came into the picture, and then, over ten years, Cas induced Dean to dare hope, to believe that he DOES deserve to be saved, to HAVE/BE what he always wanted to have/be e.g. umbrella drinks, toes in the sand, matching Hawaiian shirts, watching movies and eating pizza together 😭 Full circle Bobby/Mary mirror narrative of Dean and Cas’ interpersonal bond. POSITIVE ENDGAME. Can you believe this episode?! It were SO substantial on the Mirror front.

BOBBY AND MARY ARE TAKING A BREAK AND GOING ON AN EXCURSION TO DONNA’S CABIN. Talk about potential foreshadowing? *rubs hands together* *ever-shifting TFW dynamics*

Speaking of, Dean was the one telling Mary to go with Bobby :’) *Sam telling Cas to go with Dean, his parental figure—Dean and Cas splitting off from Sam to take time off (or HUNT) together as the final nail in the Brodependent coffin? Dean relinquishing his parental duties permanently as he FREELY commits himself to/loves Cas emotionally and mentally? *Yes please!!* *Someone calm me down I’m getting ahead of myself :P*

GARTH!

Dean again disclosing that Michael affected him, that he should let go and move on (from his trauma, from his past mistakes, and the deep-rooted internal prisons, depressive/repressive tendencies, and unhealthy self-process John unloaded within him. Bobby expressed regret over bringing Daniel to war —> pertaining to soldier!Dean destroyed by neglectful John). We know Dean’s successful catharsis, healing, and trauma recovery takes time, patience, and persistent mental/emotional effort. He has his family as his holistic social supports.

Sam’s so hopeful in saying they can kill Michael.

- - - -

Oh my gosh, alright, so this episode was superbly written by Glynn in terms of Love, Family, Trauma Recovery, and Catharsis themes that were evidently maintained for S14, and don’t even get me started on the borderline tangible Dean/Cas and Bobby/Mary reflections!! The Past will die. The Future will live. Before one can step into the future, TFW must let go. Rectify past mistakes by holding onto your supports. Dare to dream. Dare to hope. Dare to LOVE. ‘Things don’t have to end this way’—end badly. The Self can be healed, and opening yourself up is the first step. Face the mirror and accept what you see. Deconstruct your traumas and jump over those hurdles. Only then can you fully embrace self-actualization. Also, Dean’s character progression excites me (plus the very positive D/C implications Bobby/Mary relayed throughout the ep) and I cannot wait to see him crack the walls further as the season unfolds!! I’m sorry for the sloppy thoughts, but y’all can assume that I’ll be rewatching it at some point :’D

SOLID 7.5/10

[nellie-elizabeth]

Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: I Want to Be Here (4x01)

It's back! This show is a life-changing, beautiful, incredible journey and I'm so happy that we get to see the story play out as the creators intended, even though I'm bummed this will be the final season. Let's hop to!

Cons:

The only thing I ever have to complain about with this show is that I want more of some of the side characters. So while everything in this episode was golden, we didn't spend any time with Valencia and her girlfriend, we didn't see White Josh going about his life journey, etc. etc. But that's not really a problem of bad writing or anything. It's just that when I watch this show I'm so enamored with every little moment that we get, that I find myself constantly craving more. Not a bad problem to have!

Pros:

I want to talk about the technical proficiency of this show for a second. The songs are just so excellently produced. "No One Else is Singing My Song" is a song that relies in part on tight vocal harmonies not just to make the song sound pretty, but to carry the punchline to a multi-layered joke. And if these talented vocalists, the sound mixers and editors, etc. didn't do a good job of creating these harmonies, the joke would fall flat. In "What's Your Story?" we see how the use of light can make or break a song, and there's an excellent moment towards the end when Rebecca flinches away from a spotlight and breaks the fourth wall, adding another layer to the title of the song itself - this is a story about someone telling their story, and she's not doing it right.

And let's talk about titles a little more broadly, too: this episode, and the episodes coming up, do away with the naming convention of having the name "Josh" or "Nathaniel" in every title. Now, we get "I Want to Be Here" and next week's "I Am Ashamed." So on and so forth. There's a great deal of power in that decision. For one thing, Rebecca's "I Want to Be Here" is about wanting to be in jail to serve her penance, but it's also a pretty hopeful moment given the fact that she survived a suicide attempt in the last season.

Let's talk about privilege a little bit, too. Rebecca wants to hear her fellow prisoners' life stories, only to come out of the experience realizing that she has an enormous amount of privilege, and that choosing to be in jail as a symbol of her penance is a really gross thing to do. Her friends tell her this, but she also comes to the realization on her own. There's a bit part where a white prisoner tells us that she got two months for stealing a sweater, and a black prisoner remarks that she got three years for the same crime. We don't need any more time spent than that to get the point that this whole system is completely screwed up, and Rebecca, while suffering marginalization for being a woman and Jewish, is still undeniably more privileged than virtually anyone else in jail with her. This, all by itself, would be a good point to make. But as is always true with Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, they take it one step further. Valencia yells at Rebecca, telling her to stop whining. It's good that she's realized her privilege, but now what's she going to do about it? She can use her advantages to help people, or at the very least she can shut up about how hard it is to be aware of your privilege. This was such a great message for liberal, progressive folk in general. God knows it's a lesson I could certainly be reminded of every once in a while.

Okay. Now for the boys. Both Nathaniel and Josh have "backsliding" moments in this episode, just as Rebecca does, where they fall back into selfish patterns and look for an easy fix for their complicated problems. Josh wonders if maybe he has some sort of disorder that would explain his behavior. Heather and Hector tell him he's being selfish and needs to place responsibility on his own shoulders, but Josh wants that "easy fix" that Rebecca sang about back in "A Diagnosis." And Nathaniel is back to pushing himself to unhealthy extremes, or "emotional cutting" as George puts it, as he embarks on a "Death Wish Adventure" out in the woods without supplies or directions. But by the end of the episode, Josh has decided to see a therapist (Dr. Akopian's husband!) and Nathaniel has reached out to George and allowed his friend to help him. It doesn't mean they've both solved their problems. Recovery and actual improvement take a long, long time, and the journey never really ends. It's something we're learning with Rebecca, too.

As a side note, I want to comment on George for a second as well. He was a character introduced as a running gag, and now we get to a point where when Nathaniel shakes him awake in his tent and asks for sausages, and George smiles in delight, there's a real emotional investment and joy in the moment. I love that this show can do such magical things with such apparently one-note jokes or characters. Valencia is one of the biggest examples of this, but it happens with so many of the characters on the show. George is just some guy. He doesn't have to go out of his way to befriend Nathaniel, who treats him pretty harshly most of the time, but he decides to put someone else's happiness ahead of his own comfort every once in a while. And he's genuinely pleased to be able to help Nathaniel learn about himself. How adorable!

There's this small part of me that felt annoyed that this first episode of Season Four turned back the promises of last year's finale. Rebecca's cathartic moment of "pleading responsible" is revealed for what it truly is - a cop-out and a way for Rebecca to use symbolism to try and dramatically right her wrongs in one fell swoop. But then I think to myself - of course. If we've learned anything from watching this show, it's that the big, dramatic "aha" moments aren't really what changes a person and helps them get better. Rebecca's suicide attempt was a huge moment that dramatically altered her life, sure, but it's not the first time she's done that, and it didn't magically turn a new page for her last time either. It's her decision to do her homework, to try and take risks while not going overboard. It's her decision to attend her therapy (both with her group and one-on-one) and rely on her friends for support. These aren't big moments, they are the every-day things that you need to do if you want to really grow as a person. So here we see that Rebecca "pleading responsible" wasn't a cathartic reset. It was just yet another attempt at a reset. And now Rebecca, who doesn't get to stay in jail, because Trent wakes up and confesses the truth, needs to find the way to improve organically and over time. She starts by volunteering at the jail with free legal advice.

Oh, and we must not forget Paula. The end of last season saw her feeling an intense sense of betrayal upon realizing how often Rebecca has manipulated and used her. Here, we see that Paula is desperate to help Rebecca get out of jail, and ultimately she succeeds in this goal. How? Well, Trent wakes up from his coma and confesses the truth about his stalking and his attempt on Nathaniel's life. But here's where it gets interesting - just as Josh, Nathaniel, and Rebecca all have moments of backsliding but ultimately seem to make a step in the right direction, we see Paula threatening to blackmail Trent unless he comes clean. This is a big step backwards for Paula, who has been worried that her sketchy behavior would hurt her chances to become a lawyer. While we see the others take at least a token step towards a better version of themselves (Nathaniel is honest about his feelings for Rebecca, Josh goes to therapy, Rebecca decides to help people), with Paula we see the step backwards without the hope for a course correction. I'm really curious to see how this goes!

Nathaniel and Rebecca's scene at the end gave me so many complicated emotions and I'm at this point where I genuinely don't know if they're going to be together when this show ends, and I also don't know how to feel about that. What I love so much about their scene together is that it encapsulates so much of what is wonderful and what is damaging about them as a couple. They genuinely love each other so much, and you can see that. Nathaniel is so head-over-heals it's almost devastating to see. When Rebecca says she can't go to Hawaii because she's still working some stuff out, Nathaniel says she's being silly and selfish. This is an unkind and maybe a bit unfair thing to say, but the bigger point here is that Nathaniel is not totally wrong. Rebecca has to learn to be middle of the road. It's a lesson she started last season and she's got to keep going with it now. She's learned that she is privileged and that she needs to own her past bad behavior. Volunteering to help women in jail is an absolutely wonderful idea and hopefully she can do some real good in someone's life. But all of that doesn't mean that she can't go on an expensive vacation with the man she loves. The two aren't mutually exclusive. I think it's a lesson Rebecca and Nathaniel are both going to have to learn if they want any chance of personal fulfillment, let alone a stable and honest relationship with one another.

I could talk about this show indefinitely. It's so good. It's funny, and charming, and real, and sometimes harsh. I'm so glad this final season has a longer episode order than the last couple of seasons, because I don't want to say goodbye too quickly!

9/10

[simone-garnett]

title: it's gonna be forever (or it's gonna go down in flames) word count: 3.2k pairing: sweet pea x josie fandom: riverdale information: based on this post by @josiemccoyprotectionsquad. it’s all i could think about for the past 2 days and im weak.

                   ao3

When her phone buzzes late one night Josie assumes it is Val or Melody texting her, one of the pair too lazy to take the ten steps out of their hotel room to ask her a question personally. She rolls her eyes at their antics, outstretching her arm to the beside table on her left and blindly reaching for the device, smiling in victory as she gets it and pulls it to her, swiping the screen absentmindedly to read whatever was sent.

She doesn’t expect it to be anyone else but them; she had talked to her mother and step-brother earlier that night and none of them indicated that there would be anything wrong. It could be Toni, the Serpents playing at a nearby arena, but they still had a packed week and she didn’t think Toni would be willing to give up her sleep for a girl’s night, not until Monday.

And, considering the few people who had her number, it could only be Valerie or Melody.

She doesn’t expect it to be Sweet Pea.

But it is.

Josie had known Sweet Pea only tangentially; he was the bassist in Toni’s band and they had come across each other several times. The Serpents were much more hard rock than the Pussycats, though Josie had heard Toni cover some of their songs on her personal Youtube channel and had fallen in love with her immediately, enjoyed the mellowed down versions of the songs, enjoyed the hard-rock edge she had given others. And once she had heard one, it wasn’t difficult to fall down the rabbit-hole of the channel, Josie introducing herself to the band’s songs and then the band itself.

They had opened for the Pussycats while they toured and Josie joked constantly about stealing Toni to join her own band. Sorta. The offer still stands.

But Sweet Pea didn’t interact with them, not if he could help it. She had seen him with the rest of the Serpents, the man unaware she was watching as he laughed freely, smiling and teasing his friends. It was like night and day, the difference between the man that was backstage and the one depicted in magazines. Because to the world he closed himself off. Melody had managed to scratch at the walls around him and, for the most part she seemed to succeed. But she was Melody and there wasn’t a person on Earth who could reject her sweetness.

There was only one other person she had seen him like that around... but she was also a witness to a screaming match and storm-off. He had been unaware she was in the vicinity when he had fought with Ethel, and she never mentioned it to either of them.

But Josie hadn’t talked to Sweet Pea in over a year. Their bands had gone in different routes, the Serpents establishing themselves as a rock band that could headline their own concerts and Josie supported them from afar, buying their albums and tweeting about their music constantly. But she had her own band, her own albums to focus on and, with Grammy nominations coming up, she tried to not focus on anything else.

Not anything or anyone.

(She only partially succeeds, but thinking of Reggie helps her write some of her most gripping songs.

After all, heartache is a powerful thing, its intensity only increasing when it is Josie putting those feelings into words, painting a picture with music, the lyrics and melodies able to cut through the toughest of hearts and bring them to tears with the emotion she was able to elicit, heartstrings something she could play with proficiency. It was supposed to be cathartic for her, but it wasn’t.

It just,

it hurts.)

Josie still keeps tabs on them. She calls Toni regularly, reads up on the others. Of Fangs’ nomination for sexiest man alive. Of the break-up between Sweet Pea and Ethel. Their music styles clashed and apparently, they did too, far too much to maintain a relationship.

She doesn’t give it another a thought.

So receiving a text from him to meet her at Pop’s Diner at 10 that night was a surprise. She considers calling, considers demanding audio confirmation that it is him asking that not a stranger who had stumbled across or hacked his phone. She considers demanding more than just the sentence he had sent her with no explanation attached to it.

She doesn’t however, demand any of it.

Josie walks in 15  minutes late, intentionally. She was curious as to how serious he was about the clandestine meeting, too far away from their hotels for it to be coincidental. They don’t have much time off between concerts and the fact they were both in the same city was miraculous, so if he is wasting her time... she doesn’t want to think about that.

He is there however, the giant crowded into one of the booths, head down and staring intently at the table. Josie slows as she approaches him, stops one booth away from him and truly takes him in. He seems to thrum with energy, his fingers tapping on the table in front of him, Josie almost certain beneath the table his foot is bouncing up and down. He seems so concentrated on nothing and everything, brows furrowed as he stared. She must be a little heavy footed because his head jerks up when she takes another step forward, his eyes finding hers instantly.

She slides in the other side opposite him, Josie signalling Pop to her. They both idly flick through the menus he provides, silence settling around them after they ordered and await their food, the only couple in the building. It is brought to them and they pick at the chips and milkshake, a look of disgust on Josie’s face as Sweet Pea dips his chips into the drink.

But eventually their plates are empty and taken away, the pair left to themselves. Sweet Pea just watches her, hesitation silencing him every time his mouth opens to speak. And she realises that he may not actually say what he wants without prompting. “Okay,” she starts. “You didn’t ask me to come just to not say anything. So, what’s up?”

He stiffens at her brash approach to the topic. His body is taut and his jaw is clenched. “I need you to be my girlfriend.”

“Are you drunk?”

“No,” he bites back. At her disbelieving look he clarifies, “I’ve had one drink tonight. Definitely needed.” He mutters it through gritted teeth, as though the mere idea of him coming to her sober to ask the question was repulsive. Which, rude.

She raises an eyebrow, casually flicking her gaze up and down his body before levelling him an unimpressed stare. “Oh, really? So, please, explain to me why I should say yes again.” Some of the fight leaves his shoulders, Sweet Pea slumping forward.

“Not an actual relationship. I mean - none of it is serious. It’s just -” he rests his elbows on the table, leaning forward, the top of his face buried in his hands, and she thinks that she had never seen him act so vulnerable, so open. “I need a fake girlfriend so the paps will get off my back.” She doesn’t say a word, doesn’t move a muscle, and Sweet Pea carries on. “The media can be brutal some times you know.” There is a self-deprecating smile curling his lips up. “After the break-up with Ethel... she was the angel in the mess and I was the big, bad man who could never deserve her. Who must have cheated or hurt her -”

He cuts himself off, and she can’t help the words tumbling out. “What happened between you guys?” Josie flinches; she was too abrupt, too fast. They weren’t even that close. His hands drop to the table. The bang of his rings reverberates in the diner, in her heart.

“Please don’t ask.” His voice is hoarse and his eyes, she couldn’t look away even if she wanted to. “I know it’s a lot to ask on top of everything else, but please don’t ask.” And it is there, the intensity she had only ever gotten glimpses of in the wings of the stage, when he was so lost in his music that he forgets to restrain himself, when he doesn’t simply play but lets it move him, lets himself be a canvass for the music to illustrate its emotion and power. He is beautiful in his vulnerability, and like a moth to a flame she finds herself drawn to him, seeking to understand.

Josie had held herself back before, and she’s sure she could do so now. “Okay fine, but what is dating me going to help?” She says it not unkindly, but even then she is sure it could have been more smooth.

“I need the media to back off; I tried hiding and lying low, but it only fuelled rumours. So I figured if they saw me dating someone in public they’d move on eventually. And then let me do the same.” She gets it, whether Josie thinks they’ll succeed is a different question entirely, but she gets what he means. It was difficult to be in relationships when the tabloids stalked for every detail, but it was more difficult to move on from them when they would keep on opening wounds you wanted to close and heal.

“Why me?” It’s an honest question. They weren’t close and she’s sure there would be a multitude of girls willing to be close to him, even in a situation like this.

“Honestly? I don’t know,” he sighs. “It was kinda a rushed decision. Melody would be best but Ethel was always suspicious of our friendship and I don’t think Val’s boyfriend would like it if I asked her.”

“So I was your third choice then?” She means it to be teasing, the despondence of Sweet Pea’s countenance getting to her, but she thinks that a little bit of bitterness slips in. “Well, what do I get out of this?”

“Publicity?” he shrugs. “I don’t know. I’m sure there’s a reason out there.”

There is. He doesn’t need to know of it.

Of him.

Sweet Pea sighs, and if he has the weight of the world on his shoulders and had borne it for centuries. He sounds tired and resigned and it’s the most emotion he had voluntarily shown her. It leaves her heart lurching for him. “If you don’t do it for me, do it for Toni. She won’t say it but this has all been driving her crazy. And you know what some of the tabloids have been saying about her and me...” She did. That Toni and Sweet Pea had been having an affair and that Ethel had discovered them in bed and left his cheating ass because, god forbid, a female and male be in a non-sexual relationship. She tried to be strong, but the strain of the gossip was starting to have an effect. And while Jughead didn’t believe the rumours Toni hated that the boy she loved was being dragged into messes he hadn’t wanted any part in.

Sweet Pea slips his head down and buries it in his hands. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles. “I should have never asked you to come here.”

Josie wants to laugh at the scenario. She hadn’t thought it would ever happen, that she would ever consider it.

“No sex.”

She never thought she’d agree to it.

Sweet Pea’s head jerks up from his hands and he looks at her with something akin to hope and awe shining in his eyes. “Of course not.” His voice is quiet, it is soft and quiet and it is a completely different version of him she had never seen before. “I’ll be the perfect boyfriend.”

She rolls her eyes. She almost bites back that if he were the perfect boyfriend she would definitely be having sex, but she doesn’t. They aren’t at that level of friendship yet. “You better be. Josie McCoy doesn’t date anything but the best.” It is the first time he cracks a grin at her the entire night and a thought flutters through her mind, a warning that his smile is beautiful, is lethal. She brushes it aside. “And don’t be clingy. My music career is my priority and I ain’t giving that up just because you aren’t happy with how this fake relationship is playing out.”

He nods eagerly, eyes alight now he had her agreement. “I’ll give you all the room you want. I’ll do anything.”

She smiles in agreement and nods. And with that the deal is struck.

They slip out of the booth, Sweet Pea brushing off her attempts to pay for the meal. “Think of it as a thank-you. Or a bribe to continue with the deal, whichever.” She huffs in annoyance, but she can’t cling to the emotion as much as she wants to, the feeling evaporating as she sees Sweet Pea grin at Pop, a decent tip left in the jar as he turns to where she stands, strolling over to her.

She sticks out her hand to him and he looks down confused at it and she rolls her eyes, pulling it back to herself. They walk out together, his hands shoved in his pockets, shoulders up high, and arms tucked into himself. No, she thinks, this won’t do at all. “You know we can’t be like this in public.”

He blinks repeatedly at her. “Like what?”

“Awkward! You’re keeping a metre between us. How do you expect anyone to believe we’re together if you can’t look at me for longer than a minute.”

He looks off to the side, and if she didn’t know any better, she’d think him embarrassed. “I can look you in the eyes.” She arches an eyebrow in challenge and he huffs, meeting her eyes. He wavers when she takes a step closer to him and then another, her hand resting on his torso but Josie tuts softly at him, her other hand holding his chin in place.

She gets a little distracted, eyes wandering around his face. They had never been that close before, never needed to, never for this long. She can see freckles she never noticed before, the upturn of his nose, the small scar across his cheek. And when she finds his eyes again it feels different, the moment no longer a challenge between them.

Josie tilts her head to the side. “How good are you with kissing?”

The words break whatever tension had arisen, Sweet Pea blinking the look away, a more easy-going one taking its place. “Oh that, that I can do.” He grins at her, hands lifting to cradle her face, his thumb brushing against her bottom lip. She doesn’t think it would affect her as much as it does. And then she doesn’t think at all, Sweet Pea ducking his head and catching her mouth against his. It... it’s a wonderful kiss, much better than she was expecting from him, Sweet Pea soft and probing, his arms wrapping themselves around her, pulling her flush against him.

His hair is soft between her fingers, soft and long and she fists it, pulling him closer to her. It is easy to lose herself in the moment, in his kiss and touch. She is keenly aware of the arm pressed against her back, keeping them close, as well as the other resting on her hip, sliding down her ass. She can feel his nose press against her cheek, can feel his fingers dig into her skin as she drags her nails across his scalp. She’s losing herself in the kiss and she hadn’t done that in a very, very long time.

They break apart, Sweet Pea resting his head on her’s as they both try to catch their breath. But eventually he straightens up, Josie tilting her head higher to meet his eyes. And there is something in his eyes, she thinks it’s lust, she knows that it has her temperature rising.

“Oh,” she breathes, pulse racing in its aftermath. She hadn’t been kissed like that since Reggie. Her heart pangs at the memory, the thought of her footballer, of how tough he was on the field and how soft he was when it was just them. She swallows down her saliva and the memories of a past she couldn’t live in. Not anymore. “Okay then. That - a lot of that.”

His smirk is irritating. “I think I can live with that.” And his thumb is doing a distracting thing on her hip bone, stroking it gently, the callouses sending tingles through her body.

It is enough to bring her back to reality, Josie crossing her arms over her chest. “Get over yourself Sweet Pea.” And she extracts herself from his embrace. This... this was safer. Distance was good. “I am not going to be accused by the media as some frigid witch. And I need some benefits in this.” There is a smugness to her own smirk, an arch to her brow challenging him to contradict her.

He doesn’t.

“So we’re really doing this?” He seems more amazed than anything, Sweet Pea not expecting the night to go as it did.

“For Toni,” she clarifies.

And he grins a disarming grin and oh no, she thinks. This is very risky. Especially when he wraps his around her shoulders, tugging her close to his side as they walk to their respective cars. He is still stiff, but he was trying and the moment he becomes more comfortable, she knows it would make everything that much more dangerous.

She wakes up to a plethora of texts and missed calls, from Melody and Val. From Toni and Fangs and her manager and her mother. She clicks Val’s text, mind still hazy from sleep. And so seeing an website link captioned with a ‘plz explain?!?!?!?!’, she automatically clicks it and waits to see what the big fuss was about.

Josie almost drops her phone at the images that load. Her and Sweet Pea, bathed in the purple and red glow of Pop’s neon lights, the stars twinkling above them, his hand resting low on her ass, her arms around his neck, hand buried in his hair. The first is of them kissing, her head tilted to the side, Sweet Pea bending down to meet her. She didn’t realise there was such a big height difference, not until she sees how he engulfs her in his embrace, crowding her. The next is right after. It’s as though she were seeing it for the first time, because she remembers the moment, remembers the surprise of his talent, remembers thinking of Reggie. But she doesn’t see that in the image, not when Sweet Pea is pressing his forehead on her own, their noses touching. She sees closed eyes and close bodies.

Her and Sweet Pea look cute and wrapped up in each other, close and comfortable and there is a small part of her which longs for when she had that, when she had a man who loves and adored her, not just her voice.

They look in love.

(She ignores the thought about the silence from one person. She is going to have to learn how to do that.)