#but at the same time the story DOES need to be told from his POV imo and it's not here and that's the biggest issue

[prettiestgrlinthemorguexo]

Can I request an Lucifer Morningstar x fem reader??

This like came up in my mind recently and I’m going feral over it

So Reader is Adams third wife that he had begged again to god to make him another wife (this is way before the exterminators fight with the devils when reader was created) and with that god made reader to be his wife that is different from both lilith and Eve, when reader was visiting The garden of Eden, she met lucifer who was on his way to do a meeting with the angels about the populations or the updates(idk you can do something like that) and lucifer was strolling through Eden again like going through a flashback when it all happened until he met reader who was sitting down underneath that same tree where he met Eve

Lucifer found reader enchanting and alluring since she was more beautiful then his ex wife, and soon had an urge to seduce reader like he did to adams other ex wives as lucifer held an apple to reader to tempt her with free will, reader was hesitant and tempted but asked lucifer “what did you do to make adams ex wives to leave him for you?” (She wasn’t told how adams ex wives fucked lucifer but she does know about the free will but what happened to Eve since she knew about the whole story about lucifer and lilith) it made lucifer smirk and told reader “would you like to know?”

(I’m sorry but like I’ve been thinking so much about it🤭🤭🤭)

Third times a charm (Lucifer Morningstar x Adam’s wife! Reader)

Legit love this idea, this a smut for obvi reasons

At this point, Adam just needs to stop because no one wants him also this takes place like 2 year-ish after Lilith left Lucifer

This is not proofread!!!

Also I’m not christen so I don’t know everything about Christianity. So I’m going off of Hazbin hotel and how I interpret the things I do know from the Bible

Reader is female in this

Warnings: smut, P n V sex, oral sex (reader reserving), reader is a virgin (Adam doesn’t get pussy) , dom! Lucifer, outside/public sex, Y/N is suggested to have big thighs, Lucifer comforting reader, Mentions of blood

⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧ ⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧ ⛧☾༺♰༻☽⛧

No ones POV

After Lilith and Eve both falling for Lucifer’s tricks, Adam begged for a new wife. God obliged gave them one more, he named her Y/N, they had H/C hair and the most beautiful E/C eyes. They were a few form of beauty never seem before, oftenly considered the ‘beautiful one’ of Adams wives by the head angels. You lived with Adam, but due to Adam off doing heavens know what, she spent most of her time in the place it all started…the garden of Eden.

Y/N was told about how Lucifer ‘bewitched’ Lilith and eve to betray God and Adam and the heavens itself, but was never really known why they did, why did they choose Lucifer? It was a question they asked herself quite often.

On one summers day while Adam was off doing what Y/N could only assume to be ‘work’, she was once again in the garden. Y/N couldn’t explain why they like the garden so much but they felt so drawn to it. On this day, Y/N wasn’t the only one in the garden. This was one of the days the Angels were meeting with the king of hell himself, Lucifer.

Lucifer had to attend another meeting due to the population still not going down as much as the Angels hoped. He truly didn’t want to attend such a meeting, but he had to. To avoid the meeting as long as possible he decided to take a walk in the a Garden of Eden, this garden help a special place in Lucifer’s mind, where he met he ex wife Lilith and where evil was created when Eve eating the fruit of wisdom.

Today he chose to visit that very tree, the large tree where everything happened. As the walked through the greenery he way the opening where the tree sat but there was something else, someone else. They’re laid a woman lying in the shade of under the large apple tree wearing a white angelic bread, her beautiful H/L H/C they laid against the bed of grass. Her facial features were gorgeous, things he’s never seen before. She had E/C eyes. Everything about her was enchanting, as he was admiring her the noticed something on her finger, a gold wedding band with a large “A” ingrained on it…she was Adam’s wife.

Lucifer was surprised by the knowledge, when had Adam gotten a new wife? God actually gave him another after what happened to the last two? Lucifer remembering the every tree she lied under. Lucifer idea came to his head, why not keep up the streak of stealing away Adams wife? Lucifer moved swiftly over to the tree taking one of the hanging apples before appearing infront of the woman.

Though Y/N eyes were closed enjoyed the sounds of the garden, they felt an unfamiliar presence around her. She shot her eyes E/C open to see a pale man with blonde hair, we wore a white suit with red detailing along with the snake along his hat,then they notice this hand, he was holding a apple.

Y/N nearly shot up from her previous position, she knew who this was…it was Lucifer. She’s hear stories of the fallen angel, but has never seen his face before but she knew it was him. “Hello my dear.” He said with a smile was he stepped closer to her. She didn’t looked scared more intrigued than anything, which he wasn’t expecting considering the stories told of him by the angels. “Did God not give you a voice dear?” He asked seeming more of a joke. “No,” she said to this, her eyes not leaving his face, “I have one..”

He leaned down get on one knee infront of her, “then why don’t you use it? You could be free…” his clawed hand that held the red apple extend to her, the red apple begging to be taken. She stared at the apple debating it for a moment before her eyes moved back to his, “I have a question for you..” she asked him, she seemed so unmoved by the chance at free will. It caught him a little off guard, “she is truly different..” the thought to himself. “Ask away Dove? What on your mind?” He ask the woman curious what question could be more important then free will.

“What did you do to make Adam’s first to wives to leave him for you?” She asked him, curious

Lucifer smug smile feel into a shocking look, did she not know about what happened? Is Heaven really hiding this from her? Then it hit Lucifer, what a better way to teach then show her. He let the apple drop to the ground as he crawled over to her, moving between her legs, he moves one of his under her chin tilting it to him.

“Would you like to know? I could show you..” he said to her in a low voice.

She looked at him a little shocked, what was this feeling? Y/N had never help this before, she felt hot. “Yes..” she said to him, he smile widen as he lead his face in more. “Are you sure..?” He asked again, in an almost teasing way. Y/N nodded their head, “I am…show me..” and with those words, Lucifer kissed them deep.

It caught Y/N off guard but quickly kissed back, wrapping their arms around this neck pulling him closer Lucifer was quick to move his free arm around your waist and pulled you in. Making her body press against his. The feeling her body pressed again his, Y/N couldn’t help but moan at this foreign feeling growing in her. Lucifer heard her moan, it was like a siren call to him. He took the hand that was on her cheek and moved it down under her dress, brushing his fingers over her clothed pussy.

The feeling of his actions made Y/N jump at the feeling, she’s never felt this, it sent an aching feeling into her cover, it felt as if her body was begging for more. Lucifer pulled away from the kiss, a smile string of saliva connecting them. Her face was flushed, a perfect shade of red. Lucifer pressed against her pussy again feeling a wet pool form, almost like on command she let out another moan, her nail’s scratching the nape of his neck.

Lucifer smiled at her reaction, before moving down. “Let me help you with this…” he said in a low voice full of lust, his voice alone enchanting her. Lucifer spread her legs wider and lifted her dress up, revealing her stomach and clothed pussy. Y/N gasp at the action, a little embarrassed and how relieved she is. Lucifer kissed her stomach as they removed their panties, revealing their soaking wet cunt. Y/N watched him as he kissed down her stomach before pulling away, his eyes moving up to look at hers before back to her pussy.

Lucifer moved her thighs onto his shoulder, knocking off his hat, allowing him full access into to her, before he could react to her lower body being lifted up, Lucifer licked her wet folds. Y/N gasp letting out a moan at the feeling of this long tongue lick her. Lucifer let out a groan, she was he best thing he’s ever tasted, he was quick to move in closer, his mouth pressed against her wet cunt, eating her out like it was his last meal. Y/N couldn’t help but become a moaning mess quickly, the feeling was so foreign but it was the best feeling she’d felt her whole life, she wanted, no, she needed more.

Her hand reaching down and tangled her finger in his blonde hair, pushing his head in. It caught him off guard but he loved seeing her so eager. Lucifer happily fulfilled her wish for move , he slipped his tongue in her as he continued to eat. Y/N felt a pit form inside her, she needed it to go away, he needed to make it go away. “Fuck..please!” Y/N moaned out louder. Lucifer could tell she was close by the feeling of her tightening around his long tongue, he groan at the feeling, feeling his pants tighten up. His groans send a vibration into her.

Y/N clinched her thighs around his head, moaning as the vibration. She felt like she was about to release something that she didn’t even know of. After a few more swift motions of Lucifer, Y/N felt the pit release, she let out a loud moan, she attempted to muffle it out by covering her mouth. Lucifer moaned and slurped up all her juices, it was the perfect taste.

Y/N felt like she was floating, this feeling was so knew but she never wanted it to stop. After he sucked her dry, Lucifer pulled away his chin glistening with her juices. When Lucifer go back onto his knees, he stayed between her now shaking legs, he looked at her flushed face, her eyes clouded with the new pleasure. To him she looked perfectly, he was quick to kiss her deep, yet every passionately. Y/N was quick to kiss back softly playing with his hair. While they kissed, Lucifer was quick to undo this belt. Before he could finish undoing his pants, he pulled away hovering over her.

“Are you ready..?” Lucifer asked softly. Y/N nodded their head eagerly, “Please…I need this..” she said through heavy breaths. Lucifer smiled as he undid his pants pulling them down. His cock springing to life. Y/N gasp softly, mesmerized. Lucifer moved in closer in, when he did Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck. She felt him pressing his tip against her entrance, she shivered at the feeling.

After a moment Lucifer slowly entered her stretching her out. She gasped loudly moaning, she felt the sting of him stretching her out. She felt tears peak the corners of her eyes. Noticing this Lucifer stayed still, moving his face down to place butterfly kisses on her face, moving his hand to her cheek holding her kissing away her tears. “It’s ok dove..” he whispered in her ear and he continued his assault of kisses. “Just tell me when to continue, ok..?” He said softly to her, she nodded her head and held him close as he continued to kiss her face, wishing sweet nothing in Y/N’s ear.

After a few minutes, she whispered to him “you can continue..” she said quietly. Lucifer nodded his head as he continued to push in, she whinned a little but it wasn’t as painful as before. Soon he was all the way in, all 8 inches. He was still for a moment looking into Y/N eyes, waiting for her permission to move, Y/N nodded. With the affirming nod of approval, Lucifer pulled nearly all the way our all the way out and slammed back in, making Y/N throw her head pack and moan loudly. It was a perfect mix of pain and pleasure.

Lucifer couldn’t help but moan himself, Y/N was so tight it was a knee feeling to him. He loved him. As he slowly continued his thrust, Y/N could held but moan into Lucifer’s neck. This feeling was new to Y/N and they didn’t want it to end. “Please!” Y/N moaned out to him between this thrust, “more please..” Lucifer smiled at his words as he sped up with his thrust. “Fuck..” Lucifer moaned out as he held her tight. There body’s pressed against each other, Y/N nails were dug into his back nearly tearing his suit jacket, Y/N could feel the pit reforming in her as a fast past, Lucifer could feel it too.

Lucifer could feel him release building up, and it was only getting closer as he felt her squeeze around him. He could only let out groans as he digs his nails through her dress, piecing her skin, drawing blood. Y/N’s head was thrown back they felt like they were about to release. “Please!!” Y/N’s nearly screamed out to him. Lucifer smiled obeying her orders, speeding up for her and his own release. Her blood began to slowly stain her white dress, after a few more thrust Y/N let out a moan as they came again, coating his cock with them. Her body was shaking as he continued to thrust. Feeling the tight wetness, he came into her, painting her wall white. After he was done he clasped onto her, both panting heavily.

Y/N was a shaking mess, Arms wrapped around him tight, almost as if she let go they’d both disappear. “Are you already little dove..?” He asked soft to her. His cock still buried inside her still. “I feel great..” she said softly, nuzzling into him. “Good..” he said quietly kissing her cheek, “now you know why Adams first two wives left him..” Y/N looked at him her E/C filled with wonder and questions. “What does that mean for me.” Lucifer let out a small laugh. “That means your mine now sweetheart..”

Tag list

@reverse-soe @kazurami14 @netheris @musicb33nsstuff @rainycloud858 @yaimlight @erissco @aarkhamkknight @pooplyface1423 @purplethree @dog55teeth

[jess-the-vampire]

i’ve seen a few people claim Philip stripped caleb’s jacket off his body after his death as some morbid memento, but we already have his memories on the matter and he had caleb’s jacket pre-fight and was wearing it when he first arrived.

even in his shadow form you can make out he’s wearing the coat.

Not to mention caleb is never seen wearing it in any of the memories on the isles

Nah, as much as i know people love finding new ways to make philip even more morbid, if the story holds any weight, and it probably does, it seems far more likely caleb left it back on earth with philip. There’s no evidence to suggest philip stole it or rid him of it, but that caleb ditched it when he left.

and when philip assumed a witch kidnapped his brother, he put it on, probably as a form of comfort and keeping his brother close at a time where he assumed the worst could have happened to him. Kinda in the same vein of how luz was wearing eda’s jacket to keep her close during their separation.

It seems to be quite an important object to him, being what looks like his only link left to caleb as he was on earth. With the thought he also grew his hair out to have a ponytail like his older brother it appears to be less like “Stealing” and way more like a sign of what was originally his admiration and love for his brother.

A strong desire to be close to him and be like him through his appearance, tho only the version of him that he remembers best, which was the one back on earth...not the one that left him for the isles,

(Which def fuels even more why he didn’t appreciate luz insulting it, because it was basically also insulting the brother he’s trying so hard to recreate, the one that didn’t leave him)

This isn’t even out of character that philip likes to keep mementos of his brother, he even seems to have taken his old childhood mask his brother made him to the isles judging by his memories. Tho i’m sure the jacket holds more significance because it was caleb’s first specifically.

I think it’s definitely easy now to accuse Philip of every bad thing ever, and his obsession with his brother screams serious attachment issues. But it doesn’t appear he had that jacket on originally for anything but genuine love and care for him, at first at least.

There’s no evidence to suggest caleb told philip he was leaving, or any evidence that he even tried to talk to his brother about what was going on with him. As far as we know, he left, and philip, from his pov, went out to save the person he considers his entire world from what he believes might kill and/or hurt him.

And if philip wasn’t the villian of the show, i think a lot more people would be willing to sympathize with that part of his character.

His relationship with his brother has both a lot of resentment for leaving him behind and alone, but also a lot of the original love and admiration for him he held for years.

But with the knowledge he only became a hunter because he felt he needed to fit in with society for survival purposes, combined with the fact caleb was his only family and caretaker...while only being a few years older then him at the very least....you can see how this probably fueled so many of his issues.

Wanted to make a post about this cause while he deserves the crap for the bad stuff he actually does, it’s at least worth mentioning at one point he was just a naïve child raised in a bad community who originally just wanted to keep the one person he loved the most....safe.

and at one point, that jacket was not some morbid prize he got for what he did, or something he seemingly stole, or him trying to steal his brother’s look, it was originally just something he wore....because he did love him.

And to this day, he still kept it.

[ayedafuq]

Hamzah imagine I’m sorry god

POV: You got invited up to Toronto by your friend (Y/F) who hangs in the same circle as the Slushy Noobz crew, u n Hamzah meet at a party, get a little too tipsy, and you flirt just a taaaad .

——

(Y/F) : bitch come out the room and DRINK

Currently hiding away in her room (where I’ve been a freeloader for the past 2 days), I see Y/F’s text to come and join the pregame she’s having in her living room. She moved from our hometown to Toronto, a place I haven’t been before this, and I’m visiting her for the week. I came up on Wednesday and after our playful time catching up together for the past two days, she decided it’d be a good idea to go out with some of the friends she made. She currently has about 8 people in her living room playing drinking games, and I’m sitting on the floor staring into her full body mirror, ready to go to the bar, nervous as FUCK about meeting her friends.

After ignoring her text for approximately 30 seconds, she comes into the room. “OOOO GURRRRL YOU LOOKIN GOOOOOD” she says. I know she knows I’m nervous.

“Wait close the door” I say to her, and she does. “Dude, what if they don’t like me.” My anxiety is clearly getting the best of me.

“Fuck do you mean what if they don’t like you? You’re quite literally my twin. If they don’t like you then I’ll KNOW they secretly don’t like me. And they love me, so chill the fuck out. Get up” she picks me up out off the ground and pulls me out into her living room.

“Guess who’s heeeerrrree” she says to the group, and they all start to cheer. “There she is!” One of the girls says. A guy chimes in, “The visitor has arrived!”

Y/f drags me around the party to share names, my nerves subsiding. Everyone here is really nice. Why was I even worried?

“Hey, I’m Mandy. I work at the animal shelter with y/f. I’ve heard so much about you!” The girl says. I reply telling her I’ve heard about her too. “Y/f says the only reason she goes there is to pet animals and hang out with you” I tell her. “Yea sounds about right, I do the same thing.”

Me, Mandy and Y/f chat for a couple minutes sharing some laughs and stories, until the guy who chanted earlier and his friend come up. “Y/n, this is my boyfriend Martin. And this is Hamzah, avoid him.”

I give my hellos and introduce myself to Martin. We banter for a quick second before I turn to Hamzah. “Hellooo, I’m Y/n.” I give him a quick smile he returns. “Hey Y/n, how do you like Toronto so far?”

Before I can even answer, Y/f interrupts. “I’m gonna need you guys to shut up and grab a drink. We’re leaving for the bar in 30, and me and Y/n still need to demolish half the party in flip cup. Grab two seltzers from the fridge” she tells me. “You better lock in, I told everyone you never miss a flip.”

—

Two hours later and we’re at the bar, and it’s safe to say I’m feeling preeeetty nice. Her friends are so sweet, and I can’t help but feel so happy that she found these people.

Mandy, y/f, Hamzah and I are standing by a high top table, and I take the liberty in sharing some stories of me and y/f from parties in high school.

“When I tell you I turned my head for 3 seconds and y/f was gone, I mean it. I’m running through the party like a chicken without a fucking head, looking like a maniac asking everyone where she is. Mind you, I’m like 17 and hammered, so I was probably acting like the hulk.”

“Jesus Christ y/n don’t..” she says.

“After 10 minutes where do I find this bitch? Asleep in this random bitch’s closet with her head, quite literally, in a bucket.”

Hamzah and Mandy are cracking up. “You didn’t even know who threw the party?” Hamzah asks between laughs.

“Not a fucking clue. Y/f felt right at home though” I say, giggling myself.

“Girl I hate you, but yea I did. That bucket was my crib. Need to go to the bathroom?” Y/f asks me.

I tell her I’m alright for now, and Mandy tells her she needs to go so they scurry off together.

“Wow, so you guys have been friends for a while huh?” Hamzah says, still smiling from the story.

“Yea, we’ve been through a lot together. She’ll never get rid of me I fear” I say back.

“Damn, that’s awesome. Y/f is super cool, I’m happy she moved up here. When’s it your turn?” He says, his smile becoming more of a smirk. It hasn’t gone over my head that this kid is fucking adorable, but hes been acting pretty shy all night. The sly comment took me by surprise.

“Man I wish I could. It’s been on my mind a lot since she moved here” I reply.

“What’s stopping you?” He asks.

“I guess I’m just scared. It’s a big move, and she’s got the balls to do it. I’m not sure I do.”

“I felt the same way too, I pretty much hauled ass across the country of Canada at 18. I lived out of my car for a bit actually, it was a nightmare. I’d do it all again though, it was the best decision I’ve made. If I could do it, a pretty girl like you could too.”

Pretty girl?

“Pretty girl?” I say back, a little smug. The drinks are getting to me I fear.

“I’m sorry, was that weird?” He gets a little shy again. I giggle to let him know it wasn’t.

“Not at all. Thank you, pretty boy” I playfully shove his arm. I cringe in my head. I gotta be fucking kidding.

“Pretty boyyy I see I see” he says with a smile. “You think I’m a pretty boy?”

“Only a little bit. Like, this much” I pinch my fingers together the closest I can without having them touch.

“Well, thiiiis pretty boy” he mimics my fingers, “thinks you should move to Toronto thiiiis much” he separates them a little more. “Because he’d like to see you more thiiiiis badly” he separates them as far as he can. Damn, he has nice hands.

“Wow that’s pretty badly” I respond. Thank god I have makeup on because this cheesy shit might be making me blush.

“Yea, it’s alarming. Think about it, pretty girl” he tilts his head towards me playfully as he says pretty girl, getting a little close and then backing his head away swiftly. His smirk is fully activated and the eye contact we’re making is pretty hot. I smile back at him with my tongue touching my canine (do yk what I’m talking about like that lil sexy smile), tilting my head slightly to the side as if to say oh, ur flirting with me, noted. and just as I’m about to respond, y/f and Mandy return from the bathroom.

“Stop harassing her Hamzah she’s never gonna want to come back” Mandy says. “Come on, we’re gonna go back to y/f’s and play drinking games. This bar is boring.”

Hamzah follows after Mandy, glancing back at me quickly with a cheeky smile before turning his head. Y/f gets in my ear.

“Hamzah likes you. Mandy can tell. She told me in the bathroom.”

—-

Okay guys hi this is like so bullshit but I was feeling playful idk I hope you enjoyed if you made it this far

-ayev

[beskarandblasters]

Me and My Husband

Chapter Three: Nobody Fucks Like Me

Married!Din Djarin x F!Reader

Series Masterlist | Series Playlist

Main Masterlist | Din Djarin Masterlist

Synopsis: Din Djarin is doing what any typical Mandalorian would be doing after reclaiming Mandalore, finding a riduur and settling down. He’s still a member of the Guild on Nevarro, taking bounties here and there to support his new family. But when he meets you while you’re working the front desk at an inn on Naboo, he finds himself hooked, feeling like he’s found something new and exciting in his now mundane life. How long can he keep up appearances with his riduur? And how long can he keep his little secret with you?

Series warnings: reader is able-bodied, set post season 3, canon divergent (long live the Razor Crest), some liberties taken with Mandalorian culture/weddings/marriages, infidelity, eventual smut (chapter two!), switches between Reader and Din's POV, no use of y/n

Chapter summary: Din finds himself unable to stop thinking about you so he tells his riduur he's leaving for another bounty, but instead he goes to Naboo to look for you.

Word count: 4.1k

Chapter warnings: Reader does not know Din's name yet, Din has mediocre sex with his riduur, lying, paranoia, pet names, Mandalorian words/phrases (translations included after), fingering, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, creampie

Din

The guilt is eating Din alive. Every time he looks at his riduur’s helmet, let alone her face, he’s consumed with a nauseous feeling, the guilt threatening to force its way out of his throat and speak itself into existence. He hasn’t told a soul about you. He can’t. This secret is too precious; too delicate. He’s aching to see you, but he’s also scared of how hard he’s beginning to fall for you. Sure he’s had flings here and there. But none of those even came close to the feelings he has for you. 

It’s been nine rotations since he last saw you, not counting the time it took him to get to Mandalore from Naboo with a quick pit stop to Nevarro. He had to stop at the market and pick up some supplies. Gotta make his fake cover story of going after a bounty believable somehow. 

In his time away from you the Mandalorians have developed a way of sending and receiving transmissions that can penetrate the barrier of Mandalore’s atmosphere. Even though it’s a wonderful feat and extremely impressive on behalf of the Mandalorians, it’s just another obstacle Din has to deal with if he’s going to keep seeing you. Because now instead of just not expecting transmissions from May at all, he’ll receive them and it’ll be blatantly obvious he’s ignoring her. 

His need to see you outweighs his guilt. Nine rotations (and then some) is too long to be away from you. He wonders if you think about him in his absence. You have to, right? What if you didn’t think he was good enough? What if he was just a fling for you? He needs to know if you feel the same way. And he has to see you again.

But there’s also another problem he’s dealing with… May wants to have sex. And he’s been pushing it off for a while. They’ve been married for well over thirty rotations now. And typically Mandalorians have sex on their wedding night after seeing their riduur’s face for the first time. But May knew that Din was a little hesitant and rightfully so. The marriage was a tad rushed, a product of the peer pressure and pressure Din put on himself. Except now his excuses are running out and she’s getting antsy. 

“Din?” she asks softly while sitting at the kitchen table. 

He doesn’t have to ask what, he already knows what this is about. They just got done eating dinner, their helmets set on the edge of the table perched side by side. Grogu’s just about ready to fall asleep, nodding off while he sits in May’s lap. 

“Do you think tonight could be the night?”

He wants to let out a deep sigh but he knows that will just hurt her feelings. He’s not in love with her but he also doesn’t want any harm to come her way. 

“Yes, May,” he responds, words coming out soft and hesitant, as if you’re somewhere around him in earshot, listening to his promise to fuck another woman. 

“Really?” she asks, eyes lighting up. 

Her hand is resting on the table. He reaches out and pats it lightly, responding with, “Mhm. Let’s get him down for bed first.”

She gets up from her seat, Grogu scooped up into her arms and resting against her chest. He’s fast asleep now. Putting him down for bed will take no time at all. Meaning less time to waste before… the act. Maker, he’s messed up. What kind of man actively avoids sex with his new riduur?

They’re in their bedroom now, meticulously removing their armor and stripping down to their flight suits. The thing is… he’s not nervous about what she’s going to think of his naked form or his cock. He only cares what you think of him. But he also knows that May is nervous about what he thinks of her. And if he responds with a less-than-enthusiastic reaction it’ll eat away at her confidence; her self-image. She is pledging herself to him in the most raw, unfiltered, and honest way she can. The least he can do is try to act like she’s doing it for him. And deep down he’s hoping that having sex with May will unlock the spark within him; that he’ll become so in love and so devoted to her that he’ll forget all about you. The hopeful part of him wants to believe this to be true but the cynical part of him knows that nothing will compare to you. And he hasn’t even seen all of you yet or received everything you have to offer him. 

She starts taking off her flight suit before Din does. He realizes he should follow suit and begins taking his off. And before he knows it they’re standing in front of each other completely naked and open to the other person. Her eyes scan his form, taking in every scar, freckle, and line. He does the same for her not because he wants to, but because he’s just following her lead. 

“You’re beautiful, Din,” she says, stepping closer. Her eyes move down to his left bicep where he has a simple tattoo, a black ring encircling his arm, about the width of his pointer finger and middle finger together. 

“You, too, May,” he gulps. 

“When did you get this? she asks, running her thumb over the inked skin. Her touch triggers goosebumps across his flesh, and not in a good way.

“A long time ago," he replies, offering her nothing more.

“Are you nervous?” she asks. 

“A little,” he says, avoiding her eyes. 

“Don’t be,” she says, cupping his face with her hand, “This is what we’re supposed to do.”

“I know,” he responds, closing his eyes. 

All he can do is pray to the Maker that this doesn’t last long. 

She’s shorter than him so she stands on her tiptoes to kiss him. At first, it’s chaste and quick but he puts more effort in and starts to kiss her back. His hands are at his sides and she has to pull back and whisper “Hold me.”

And he hesitantly does, moving his hands ever so slowly towards her back. He knows she’s expecting him to take the lead so he pushes against her lightly, directing her towards the bed. She falls back onto the bed, lying down and spreading her legs apart for him. He kneels between her thighs, bringing his fingers to his mouth and moistening them. He could eat her out right now but he wants your cunt to be the one he tastes first, not hers. He slides one finger inside, trying his hardest to not rush through fingering her. 

Her eyes close and her breathing starts to pick up. “More,” she softly moans. 

He slides another finger in, curling it against her walls but also while zoning out. He mindlessly fingers her until she cums. He’s glad it’s over but he also knows that she’s going to ask to do something for him; something he’s just not in the mood for. 

He pulls his fingers out of her and they’re soaked. But he just finds himself thinking about his exact situation with you. He wipes his fingers on his thigh while her eyes are still closed so she can’t see what he did. 

“Did you want me to… you know… do anything for you?” she asks, sitting a little and resting on her elbows.

“No, I’m okay,” he says, shaking his head.

He spits in his hand and strokes his cock, willing it to be completely hard already. Maker, why is this so hard for him? May’s not a bad-looking woman and she’s his riduur. Even if you weren’t part of the equation he would still be having a hard time doing this. But when he considers you, he finds himself doing mental gymnastics to get him in the right mindset for this. His cock cooperates with him though and he’s hard (enough) finally. 

He leans forward and aligns himself with her entrance, thrusting into her slowly. She gasps at the sensation of being filled by him. They’re face to face, looking into each other’s eyes. She’s looking at him with all of the love and admiration in the entire galaxy, gazing into the eyes of her future. While he has to force himself to keep his eyes open and not imagine it’s you instead. He feels her tighten around his cock, she’s going to cum soon. At least it’ll finally be over soon. With one last thrust of his hips into her she cums around him, her walls contracting and releasing intensely before slowing down to a rhythmic pattern. He pulls out and cums. But it’s not fulfilling in the slightest, just a biological reaction, nothing emotional about it. 

He pulls out of her, resting by her side. She rolls over to face him, a hand tracing up and down his bicep. Her pupils are blown wide and she’s got the look of love in her eye. 

“Did you enjoy that?” she asks sweetly.

“Of course.”

“Up for a round two?”

“I’m getting tired.”

“No worries.”

“Ni kar'tayl gar darasuum (I love you),” she whispers. 

He repeats the phrase back to her, not because he feels it, of course. But out of obligation; to keep up appearances. He falls asleep on his back, with May pressed up against him. The guilt weighs heavy on his mind, feeling that somehow he has betrayed you.

-

In the morning when they wake up May sits up and asks, “When do you think you’ll head out for your next bounty? I think we need some things from the market on Nevarro.”

He tries not to sound too excited when he responds. 

“I can go today if you’d like.”

“That’s fine with me,” she says, getting up out of bed and starting to put her flight suit back on. 

“I promised Bo-Katan I’d help her map out where the new docking yards and storage houses are going to go,” she continues while attaching her armor. 

“You’re still good to watch Grogu, right?” he asks, sitting at the edge of the bed. 

“Of course,” she says, turning to face him with all of her armor on except for her helmet.

“How many times do I have to tell you? He’s our son. I’m not “watching” him. I’m taking care of him like a mother would.”

“You’re right,” Din says curtly, standing up to put his flight suit on. 

“I’m heading out now. Bring him to Bo-Katan’s for me?” she says, standing in the doorway. 

“Yes, once I’m finished preparing for the trip.”

“See you soon!” she calls over her shoulder. She grabs her helmet from the kitchen table and heads out. 

He lets out a sigh once she’s gone. At least he’ll get to have a little bit of alone time with his son before he leaves. He finishes putting his armor on and heads into Grogu’s room, getting him out of his sleeping pod. He babbles happily when he sees Din and it makes Din’s heart pang with joy. He could do this, Din thinks to himself. He could do this whole settling down on Mandalore thing if it were just him and Grogu, maybe even just the two of them on Nevarro together. But he got too carried away following what others were doing and felt the need to fit in; felt the need to devote himself to his creed and his people. Some days when he’s feeling particularly sour he questions if all this is worth it, giving up his free will to devote himself to a greater good. But he quickly puts that thought out of his mind. He owes his life to the Mandalorians, to the Children of the Watch. And to be anything but grateful for them would be against his character. 

He scoops Grogu into his arms and takes him into the kitchen, feeding him breakfast from what’s left over from his last trip to Nevarro. The Mandalorians have been getting better at farming in the barren climate that is Mandalore so if Din is gone for a while on his next trip to see you he won’t feel too guilty, hopefully. 

After breakfast is finished Din puts on his helmet and takes Grogu to the Razor Crest in his pouch, enjoying some quality time with his son before leaving him for a while again. He makes sure he has enough supplies and rations for his trip and then heads back into the village to bring Grogu to Bo-Katan’s house. Her house is a mirror image of his and May’s house; a utilitarian house made of stone. In fact, the whole village is made up of houses like that. The Mandalorians are ones for function, not so much style. But some Mandalorians painted small designs that matched the color of their armor or their clan signets. Din hasn’t gotten around to doing theirs yet, figuring May would take it upon herself to. 

May and Bo-Katan are talking outside and Din swears for a second they’re talking about him. But that’s probably just his paranoia coming through. May has no reason to not believe Din’s stories about heading out for bounties. It’s not a total lie. He’s just leaving out the parts that include you and rightfully so. You’re Din’s little secret; his guilty pleasure. He doesn’t even want to think about the day when your relationship is brought to light, because if he plays his cards right that won’t happen at all. 

“Heading out again, Din?” Bo-Katan asks. 

“Mhm. Back to Nevarro to collect another job.”

“Who knew that being a member of the Guild while living here could be so… prosperous,” she continues. 

“It’s been great!” May chimes in, “He’s been such a great provider for our family.”

“I’m glad it’s all working out. Especially since we can send and receive transmissions now. You two will be able to keep in touch while he’s gone.”

“You’re right. In fact, while I was preparing the ship, I already sent a transmission to Karga. Got two jobs waiting for me.”

“That’s my hardworking riduur!” May cheerfully exclaims. 

How awkward for Din. 

“It’s nice to see you two so happy,” Bo-Katan smiles as Din passes off Grogu to May. 

“You better get going. Ni kar'tayli gar darasuum,” May says as she takes Grogu in her arms.

Din repeats the phrase back to her, his words coming out stiff and unconvincing. Bo-Katan raises an eyebrow at him, looking at him like she can see the nervous look on his face under the helmet. He says his goodbyes quickly, turning and heading back to the ship. If they weren’t talking about him before they’re surely talking about him now. Whatever, he can’t think about that now. His obligations to May are satisfied for the moment and now he gets to focus on you. 

He takes off for Naboo, leaving Mandalore’s treacherous atmosphere and trying to not think about when he’ll receive a transmission from May, since that’s a thing he has to worry about now. 

In the few rotations it takes to get to Naboo he follows a certain routine; sleeping, eating rations, making sure the Crest is still following the correct path, and masturbating to thoughts of you of course. In his cot under the dim light of the Crest and the blue haze of hyperspace, he thinks of you and what you would be doing if you were here right now with him. He tries not to think about how insane it is that he’s crossing the galaxy for sex but he also knows that this could be more than just sex. If he gets the chance to know you that is. 

Eventually, his jaunt across space comes to an end and the grassy knolls and the vast swamps of Naboo are coming into view. The sun is starting to set and the entire landscape is cast in an amber glow. Hopefully, you’re working since that’s where Din knows to look for you first. But he also hopes you’ll be getting off of work soon and he can have you all to himself. 

Now that he knows where the Star-Lux is, he just parks on that side of Theed, making his walk to you rather brief. The plains turn into stone-covered streets beneath his feet and soon enough he’s standing in front of the Star-Lux. He takes a deep breath, hoping you’re at the front desk and heads inside. 

You 

You’re leaning against the front desk, resting your head on your hand, tapping your fingers along the stone countertop, and glancing back and forth at the clock. You close your eyes, willing the time to go by faster. The door opens and you sense someone coming towards the desk quickly. You think it’s an angry customer, so you open your eyes and brace yourself. But instead it’s the person you want to see most, Mando. 

He rests his elbows on the desk, reaching for your hand and locking his visor onto your eyes. 

“I need a room,” he says, his tone urgent. 

“S-Sure. Anything for you,” you say, glancing down at your data pad. 

“Do you get off soon?” he asks, still holding your hand. 

“In about thirty minutes.”

“Meet me in my room when you’re done?” he says, hope in his voice.

“Do you even have to ask?” you respond, complete with a sly grin. 

“Let me get set up,” you continue, letting go of his hand to set up his reservation. 

“How much?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Really?”

“Mhm. Room 115,” you say, handing him his key card. 

“Thirty minutes?” he asks, taking the card in his hand. 

“Thirty minutes.”

His gaze lingers on you for just a moment before he sets off down the hallway. Man if time wasn’t moving slow as hell before it sure is now. You know exactly what’s going to happen as soon as you enter that room and you can’t wait. Not even just to be fucked by him but also to lay with him, enjoy his company, and ask him questions. You’ve been reading about the Mandalorians and their culture in the library since you last saw him but it’s different to learn about it all from the real source. 

After what feels like hours Maree shows up and trades places with you. You can’t run to Mando’s door fast enough. As soon as you knock he opens the door, grabbing you by the waist and pulling you inside. The door closes behind you and he presses you up against it, keeping his hands on your waist and bringing his helmet beside your ear.

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you,” he confesses. 

“I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you,” you giggle. 

He pulls you over to the bed, pushing you down lightly. He hikes up the skirt of your dress and you spread your legs for him. He starts to undress you, taking off each of your shoes, pulling off each of your stockings, and finally hooking his fingers around your panties and sliding them off. He crouches down on the bed, resting on his arms and looking at your cunt; looking at how wet it already is. 

“I wish I could taste it, but I can’t.”

“You’re a member of the Children of the Watch, aren’t you?” you ask, sitting up a tad and resting on your elbows.

“How did you know?”

“I read about Mandalorians in the library…  And I learned what mesh’la means,” you smirk.

“I meant it,” he says, visor meeting your eyes again. You feel your cheeks heat up.

He trails two fingers up and down your entrance, the feeling ever so light; so teasing. You whine in response and he just chuckles.

“I’m taking my time with you.”

“Yeah?” you ask, resting on your back again.

“Mhm. Now that I have you in a bed, not in some alley.”

He slides one finger in, extra slow, curling it against your walls. He adds a second and then removes both of them quickly, holding his hand up. He rubs his thumb against his index and middle fingers before drawing his thumb back and watching your wetness stretch and follow the movement.

“You’re so wet,” he says softly, “So wet for me.” Almost like he’s in disbelief that you got this wet just for him. When in reality you can’t believe he wants you so bad, so bad that he’s crossing the galaxy for you.

“Please, I can’t wait any longer,” you whine. 

And he obliges, returning his fingers inside you and leaning forward so his helmet is by your face. He watches you intently, watching the way your face changes as you get closer. He curls his fingers against your g-spot and rubs his thumb around your clit. Your mouth falls into a soft O, your pleasure coming to a head. The floodgates are threatening to burst. 

“I’m gonna cum,” you breathe out. 

“Cum for me, cyar’ika (sweetheart).”

And you do. Your walls flutter around his fingers, slicking his glove completely. His visor leaves your face for a split second to look down at the way your cunt grips his fingers before looking back at you. You wish you could see him; see the face of the man who’s making you feel heavenly. But there’s also something about not seeing his face that’s exhilarating and intriguing. 

He pulls his fingers from you when you’re done coming. Once you’ve caught your breath you say, “Let me take care of you.”

“Please,” he says quickly, not missing a beat.

You sink to the floor and he sits at the edge of the bed. His cock is already pitching a tent in his flight suit, begging to be freed. You take it out, holding his length in your hand and getting a better look at it now that you’re face to face with it. The size is intimidating and you can’t believe you’ve already had it inside you. 

You start by stroking it softly, now getting to take your time with him. He lets out a groan from under the helmet. And then ever so slowly you swirl your tongue around the tip, repeating that a few times before taking him in your mouth. You bob your head up and down all while stroking the base. 

“Kriff,” he curses under his breath.

One of his hands cups your cheek as you suck him off and his visor is locked on you. You cup his balls as you start to suck harder, feeling him twitch inside your mouth. He must be getting close.

He stops you, pulling himself out of your mouth and saying, “I need you. Now.”

You nod and rise from the floor, pulling off your dress over your head. You lay down, spreading your legs for him once again. He situates himself between your thighs, running a hand along your outline and looking at your naked form. And you get to look directly at him this time, instead of being pressed up against the wall. 

Wasting not another second, he thrusts into you, hooking his arms around your thighs and leaning forward. He folds you in half, driving his cock into you further. With this new angle, he hits places you never even thought possible, his cock spitting you in half with his girth. 

“Mando, I'm gonna cum,” you whine. 

“Soak my cock, mesh’la.”

With one last slam of his hips, you’re coming undone around him, shockwaves of pleasure originating at your core and spreading outwards. Your back arches and tears spring in the corners of your eyes as you ride out your high, feeling the intense peaks and valleys, before slowing to a soft ebb and flow. Mando lets out a guttural moan, helmet thrown back in pleasure. He cums, too, keeping the head of his cock flush against your cervix as he spills his cum inside you. 

He pulls out of you, collapsing on the bed next to you and immediately pulling you into him. You’re both silent for a moment, unsure of what the next move is.

“I do have the place for the night…”

“Are you asking me to stay over?” you tease, head resting on the cool breastplate. 

“…Yes.”

“Okay, again… Did you really think you had to ask?”

He chuckles, a hand running up and down your back, lulling you to sleep. 

“About that other thing I called you-”

“Already know what that means, too.”

Another chuckle. “Well then goodnight, cyar’ika,” he says, reaching over to turn off the lamp. 

“Goodnight, Mando.”

Chapter Four

End note: Ahhhh the lies get deeper and deeper!! As always let me know your thoughts🤍

Graphic by @nostalxgic

Banners + divider by @saradika

MAMH tag list: @wannab-urs @ramblers-lets-get-ramblin @catchallfangirl @noxturnalpascal @nervoushottee @mandoisapunk @pr0ximamidnight @angel-in-beskar @littlegrungegirlaf @pamasaur @love-the-abyss @dameron-grant-spector @xdaddysprincessxx @drewharrisonwriter @milly-louise @engie115 @survivingandenduring @unit-1021 @rentaldarling @csarab615 @missladym1981 @swiftiegirliepop @spookyxsam @decembermidnight @devineconjuring @harriedandharassed @kittenlittle24 @midnightnoiserose

[sinful-mind-joyful-thoughts]

ʟɪᴛᴛʟᴇ ᴍɪꜱꜱ ᴘɪᴘᴇᴅʀᴇᴀᴍ (J.M)

*vision bored doesn't describe readers' looks it describes the vibes of the story*

Pairing: football-player!Joel Miller x golden-girl!Fem!Reader

POV: This story is told through the POV of high school senior Joel Miller

Summary: Joel's girl lives in his dreams and in the house next door. He's always known her, and he's always wanted her, but in ApplePine, whose dream does she not haunt? Now He has a chance that He's been looking forward to all his life. This can't fail. He won't let someone like her slip away.

Warnings/tags: Kind of toxic undertones, mentions of a bad home life (reader), church, idolization, nerves, kissing and making out, small Texas town with very traditional values, climbing and watching people through windows, Joel is a Lil bit of a stalker, BAD American football talk. YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CONTENT YOU CONSUME

WC: 4.5k

On most Saturdays and after church on Sundays, she could be found working at the local ice cream shop. Occasionally, if there wasn't a football game, she would also work on Fridays. She was a well-known figure in our small town - being the girl next door, head cheerleader, and leading member of the student council. Her many accomplishments included winning the title of Little Miss Apple Pine, which only added to her popularity. Many of us admired her from afar, watching her ride her bike with friends, interact with the little kids in the neighborhood, or simply be in her element with a book in hand and a Walkman playing some music.

It was difficult to tell what music she listened to, but I'd like to think it was hard rock, maybe Guns N' Roses. However, her sweet nature suggested it was more likely to be Bon Jovi or AC/DC. Despite her bright persona, we all knew that she had a tough time at home, our houses were right next to each other too It was sad but there's only so much a loud TV can cover.

We attend the same school and ride the same bus together. We have chemistry class as well as lunch B together. Additionally, we share gym and math classes. I have noticed that she is quieter in math class and doesn't answer questions as quickly. In math class, she sits three seats ahead of me, and during lunch, she sits six seats away from me. Her round lunch table is located ten tables away from mine, and it's always occupied by a few cheerleaders and jocks who are considered acceptable, unlike me who often gets thrown off the field for hitting refs because of not knowing if  I'm coming or going. Compared to them, she seems to be in another world, like a cool autumn day in the middle of a hot Texas summer.

As the chemistry class began, Mr. McMory walked into the classroom with his glasses resting on the tip of his nose. He had only undone the top button of his shirt, showing some long curly grey chest hairs — utterly gross if you ask me. We all watched as he walked to the whiteboard at the front of the classroom. He clasped his hands together behind his back and stopped before turning to face the class.

"Now, as most of you probably know, we will need to form a new set of lab partners for this semester. However, to keep things fair so everyone gets a chance of getting matched with whom You would prefer, I've decided to have you all write your names on a small piece of paper and put them in this box. Once I've finished passing them out, I will draw two student names from the box at random, and those two will be your partners for this semester."

Without having to pause, Mr. McMory spoke clearly. This routine was something he did every marking period, four times a year, for 30 years. The memories of the previous marking period memories flooded my mind, where Jason Duly and Billy Holiday tried to bribe Gaby Michelle to give up her seat so that they could sit next to our classmate, the charming "I trust that you all understand the process now?" Mr. McMory continued. Once no one raised their hands to question what he said, he walked back to the front and handed out the small pieces of paper to everyone. "Now you have two minutes to write your names on the paper, then place it into the box. Once you are all finished, I will begin the randomized selection."

Chaos began to take place across the room with various bets being placed and trades being arranged like a market in the middle of a jungle, I wrote my name on the slip of paper without a thought. It was a meaningless task to me, as I would have been fine with getting anyone as my lab partner. In the middle sat our Pipe Dream, seemingly clueless to it all, while these students scrambled like mad to gain the favor of their desired partners, and the professor seemed unaware of all the action taking place in the classroom.

The chaos of the class was suddenly drowned out by Mr. McMory yelling out to have students start putting their slips into the box. As the box was quickly getting more and more full, the class started to become more and more silent and calm as no one wanted to be one of the ones not getting the partner they wanted even if they all wanted the same one our darling Miss pipedream isn't only perfect in every way but she's also incredibly smart.

Mr. McMory walked to the front of the classroom and stood in front of the whiteboard. He held the box and a red whiteboard marker. "No changing partners unless both parties are in agreement," he said as he paused and placed the box on a stool in front of him. He then pulled out the first two names. "Gaby and Hannah," he announced, causing a small gasp from some students. Mr. McMory placed the paper down and wrote the names on the board. There was a moment of silence before a low murmur began to spread throughout the classroom Mr. McMory then pulled out another two slips from the box and announced the next pairs of names: "Billy and Jillian, Jason and Cory." As each pair was announced, the two people were immediately surrounded by cheers of excitement or groans of disappointment. Some students could be overheard saying things like "no way!" and "I can't believe this!" and "Are we sure it's fair?" There were a few complaints here and there that their partner was not who they wanted, but Mr. McMory quickly cut them off, saying, "No changing partners unless both parties are in agreement, understood?"

As I stood watching the chaos break loose behind me, I couldn't help but chuckle at how quickly everything was unfolding. However, my laughter came to a sudden halt when Mr. McMory announced me and a stranger as partners.No, not a stranger, It was the girl who seemed to have it all, the girl who had effortlessly made her way through every aspect of the school and had become something of a legend. She was the girl next door, the one every boy wanted, and the only one I was enamored with at the slightest glance in her direction. My heart skipped a beat as I looked over the crowd and saw her smiling brightly at me. Time seemed to slow down as the rest of the world faded away. It was as if the universe was just waiting for us to get to know each other. My nervousness quickly turned into an adrenaline rush as I became more and more excited. It was an opportunity I couldn't pass up, a chance to turn my dreams into reality and finally figure her out.

On the bus, I noticed her again. We made eye contact but didn't speak. She sat with her friend Sally Handson until she got off at her stop. However, I didn't expect her to move over and sit in the same seat as me.

"You're Joel, right?" she asked me before kindly offering her hand to shake.

"That's me," I smiled as I gently took her hand in mine and shook it. Our skin connected, and I felt a slight tremor in my hand before letting go, not wanting to make the situation any more awkward. I looked back up to see her, and she seemed to be just as nervous as I felt. The silence seemed to linger on for a moment before she spoke again.

"I just wanted to ask if you've had a chance to look at the assignment yet?"

I took a moment to gather my thoughts before speaking. "No, actually, I'm not very good at chemistry. I was probably going to copy off of you, to tell you the truth," I said, trying to make a joke, but struggling to hide the fact that it was true.

She smiled brightly, showing off her pearly white teeth. "Like all football players. It's okay though, I can help you study sometime if you'd like?"

As she spoke, my heart skipped a beat and my cheeks flushed. The offer of her help flooded my mind with different scenarios, from spending time with her after school to studying together at the library or even hosting study groups at our houses. I chuckled nervously and nodded my head.

The sudden stop of the bus snapped me back to reality, and a thought raced through my mind. Should I ask to walk her home? The offer seemed so appealing, and I was filled with possibilities of getting to know her even better. It was time to take the chance, but I had to fight the nervousness building inside me.

"Hey, are you walking to your house? Because I was just going to ask if...if I could walk you home?" I spoke the words carefully, fearing that I might mess up and ruin the moment. I fiddled with the straps of my backpack, feeling my heart pound in my chest as I waited for her response.

She smiled kindly at me. "Yes, and I would love that. Do you know which house?"

"I do," I said with a slightly more confident tone than before. I felt myself calming down as the idea of walking home together became more real. She began to take in the neighborhood around us, and I thought it was a perfect time to start a conversation.

"So, this is where you live?"

She giggled, and her laughter was infectious. I couldn't help but smile. "Joel, you and I have lived in the same neighborhood since we were newborns. We're neighbors for goodness sake, no need to be so formal with me."

She was right; I was overthinking our interactions. We had been neighbors for as long as I could remember. "Oh yeah...I suppose you have a point. I guess my nervousness made me go blank like that. I'm just not used to seeing you when you're not out on the field with your cheer squad." I chuckled, feeling my nerves die down even more as I looked over at her and relaxed a bit more.

"I understand it's hard not to picture me like that, and you as well, Joel. You're violent on the field. I'm pretty sure that referee from Tentown had a broken nose," she tries to make conversation. 

The mention of the game in Tentown makes me chuckle a bit. That was the first game in the league where I was allowed to play, and I suppose my desire to prove myself ended with me getting a bit carried away. The thought of the ref's nose makes me chuckle a bit more as I couldn't help but feel bad for the ref. 

"Yeah, I think you're right about that. But that's just how it is, right? The game is pretty brutal. I can't play without getting a little carried away." 

She thinks for a second and then says, "Maybe that's why you're always benched, along with Tommy? Speaking of your brother, where is he? Oh, and how are poor freshmen? I heard the older football players are being a little mean."

The question about my benching for games suddenly brings back my nervous energy, and I immediately feel uncomfortable talking about it. "That's probably one of the reasons for it, yeah..." I sigh as the mention of my brother and some of the team's hazing of the freshman brings a frown to my face.

"It pisses me off how they treat some of the freshmen like that. I don't see why they can't just treat them like the rest of the team..." I pause mid-sentence as the thought comes to my mind.

"I feel so bad for the poor freshman. They do the same thing on the cheer team," she said. We stopped at the crossing signal, and I was surprised by how well she could relate to what I was describing. It dawned on me that she may have experienced it more than I had considering how involved she is in cheer. We waited for the light to turn green, and I smiled at her.

"We should set up a study date sometime soon. After all, you said you're not that good at chemistry?" she said as we got closer to her house. I was thrilled at the possibility of spending more time with her.

"Yeah, I think that's a good idea. I'll certainly need the help," I chuckled. She walked ahead of me with a sweet little glide in her step, making me have to catch up to her as we continued walking.

"Which days work for you?" she asked, opening her backpack and taking out a pen and paper. "Oh, and write down your landline number." I replied, "I'm pretty much free all week, so just let me know what works for you." Her request for my landline number made my heart skip a beat as it reminded me of when she offered to help me at her place.

"How about Friday after school since there's no game? We can meet at my place," she suggested as we stood outside her front gate. "That works great for me! We can discuss our study plans and maybe even study together if you're up for it," I replied excitedly. "Your place sounds perfect, and I just want to say thank you," I added, feeling grateful for her help. She smiled and said, "Of course, Joel." Then she walked into her yard and house, waving goodbye.

Friday couldn't come any quicker in my mind. I couldn't get Miss Applepine, Cheery Pie, Pipe Dream out of my head at all. The more we talked in class, the more I fell under her spell and the more I wanted to know... She was a mystery, and I wanted to be the first to hear everything she was willing to tell.

now stand at her front door. I rang the doorbell eagerly waiting for her to answer. She opened the door; she looked so pretty. "Come on in, Joel," she opened the door to let me in. In all my years of being neighbors, I always wondered what her house looked like, and to be honest, her house is less organized than I thought.

"Sorry about the mess. You know, it's just me and my dad, and I'm a little behind on chores... um... studying," she began to ramble but stopped herself. It was rather cute; it made me smile even more.

"Come on upstairs to my room. I have all my books and everything up there," she led me up to her bedroom. It was so normal - band posters, photos of her family, school items, her numerous awards, and her window looked directly into my room.

As we entered her room, I couldn't resist glancing over to her window again. It felt like this was the closest I could get to seeing inside her home for A Long time and now I'm inside the looking glass. I took a seat right next to her bed as she went to her bookshelf to collect her textbooks. As we started reviewing the material, a wave of butterflies fluttered in my stomach. I occasionally stole a glance at her while she flipped through different articles, but I couldn't hold my stare for long.

"Are these all the books we're going to be using?" I asked as she placed her biology and chemistry books on her desk. I watched her lean over, her eyes almost glued to the books as she read through them. "Yeah, these are the ones. I just want to make sure that we're both prepared for this project. It's about how we think the universe began, so lots to cover" she replied with a soft smile that brought me back to reality for a moment as I gazed into her eyes.

"I'm ready to start studying. So, what do you want to start with?" she asked as I sat down. She looked at me with a sweet smile and thought for a moment before responding, "Do you think we should start with chemistry? I know it's the one you struggle with the most."

"Sure, that works," I replied excitedly she remembered that from the walk my cheeks got a little pink as I opened the book and looked over her shoulder to find the section she had mentioned. I was determined to pay close attention this time, feeling more relaxed thanks to her calm and collected presence.

Every little gesture or movement she made caught my full attention like a spark in my head. Her adorable smile and the way she played with her hair made it difficult to resist complimenting her. When she asked if she could ask me something, it snapped me out of my trance for a moment. I replied with a simple "Yeah, sure."

As she playfully hit my shoulder, her touch felt light as a feather. I couldn't help but smile, sitting up and crossing my legs like she was doing. Moving my book from my lap, I placed it on the end of her bed. "Why can't you focus?" she asked, and my heart started racing. I didn't want to tell her the truth, so I lied, "No reason..." Trying to act casual, I could feel myself blushing as she hit my shoulder and called me out. It was because of her - her sweet smile, small gestures, and the way she sat cross-legged on her bed - that I couldn't focus. But I couldn't just outright admit that I had a massive crush on her.

"We can take a break?" she offered, and I felt even more nervous. The idea of taking a break meant a chance to talk about things other than studying and a chance to just hang out with her. I was hoping that she felt the same way and that she also couldn't help but notice the tension that was building between us. I sat back up and joked, "You're saying that as if I would deny the offer." My heart was racing, and I couldn't help but wonder if she could feel the same tension I did.

As we continued to talk, I made sure to continue moving closer to her every chance that I could get. The heat coming from her body filled me with a new sense of boldness as I tried to make my actions more noticeable. "I mean who can blame me, when I'm sitting across from someone so charming..." I said as I leaned forward a little, making the distance between us almost nonexistent.

"Have you been studying for long?" she asked me as she laid back on her bed, making it clear that she had no plans to get up anytime soon. As the conversation shifted towards more flirtatious topics, I started to blush slightly. "Do you mean studying?..." I replied to her, but even I could hear that my voice had taken on a flirty tone.

"Yes, studying, or are you just as brain-dead as the other football players?" she joked. "Hey now, what are you implying?" I responded teasingly as I moved closer to her. As we talked more, the tone of the conversation became increasingly flirtatious, and I struggled to hold back my blush. "You're the one who keeps saying we should take a break. Sounds like you don't want to study..." I said, trying to pretend to focus on a book.

But even as we continued discussing the material or pretending to, I noticed her eyes drifting toward me as she glanced up and down my body. It made me feel a little uneasy, but also excited as I wondered what she was thinking. Could she feel the same tension between us that I felt?

"Hmmm, maybe I don't. But you're the one who said yes to the break." she grinned mischievously as I scooted slightly closer to her, looking up and staring into her eyes. "You make it kind of hard to pay attention..."

As we continued to talk The heat coming from her body filled me with a sense of boldness as I attempted to make my actions more noticeable. "I mean, who can blame me when I'm sitting across from someone so charming?" I said as I leaned forward a little, making the distance between us almost nonexistent.

"I'm flattered. I'll take that as a compliment since you're also very kind with your words," she said as I moved even closer to her. We were almost too close for comfort, but I couldn't resist getting even closer. "I thought I was charming, but you are even more charming than I imagined," I told her, leaning in even closer until I was practically touching her. I felt like I was crossing a line, but I couldn't help myself. Her eyes seemed to be blushing, and I felt a sudden burst of confidence. I brought my hand up to her side, almost touching her waist. "You are an interesting girl," I whispered.

"You find me interesting?" she asked, smiling shyly and looking down. I could tell she was blushing and feeling a little embarrassed, but I decided to take a risk and leaned in even closer. Our faces were almost touching, and I could feel her breath on my face. I looked up at her and felt a rush of emotions.

"I didn't know you were so easy to read," I said as I leaned even closer to her, this time the tiny distance between us was nothing but air. I couldn't help but feel that feeling building inside me again as I watched her face grow redder and redder as it appeared to be a little closer every time. "I'm sure most guys would be more than happy to take advantage of a beautiful girl like you.”

“Are you most guys? Should I be worried? I'm not a one-and-done girl, Joel…” she said, showing insecurity for what seems to be the first time. As she asked me if I was 'most guys', I couldn't help but feel my heart sink for a brief second as I heard her insecurity, but I quickly recovered and smiled as I looked down at her. My hands slowly wrapped around her waist as I leaned even closer. "Oh please, you think I'm going to leave someone as beautiful and kind as you just like that. You aren't a one-and-done girl, you're... you're an angel." I slowly leaned forward so our faces were just a hair's width apart. I gazed into her eyes, lost in the moment, when she suddenly exclaimed, "An Angel?" Her voice was soft, yet full of wonder, as if she had just seen something magical. She was so close to me that I could feel her breath on my face, and I couldn't help but notice the way her face immediately flushed up with red. Her eyes quickly looked down, as if to distract herself from her sudden burst of emotion.

I kept looking at her, waiting for her to look back up at me. I leaned down just a bit more, my heart racing with anticipation, as my lips were barely an inch from hers when she finally decided to look back up. I couldn't help but feel the surge of joy rushing through my body as I saw the way her eyes slowly opened and she looked back up to face me.

The way her cheeks were still flushed and the shy, but happy look on her face was exactly what I needed. It was the perfect moment as I leaned in for the kiss. Our lips met in a sweet and simple embrace, and I felt a warmth spread through my body. It was like time had stopped, and nothing else mattered in the world except for that moment. I held her close as we kissed, and I knew deep down inside that this was the start of something special.

The kiss started gentle but with each second that passed it started to become more intense. The heat of her body and the way her hands ran through my hair was making my heart skip a few beats as I started to wish I could pull her into an even deeper kiss. I didn't want to overwhelm her though so I tried to keep it simple, although it was hard to keep my hands from finding every part of her body that I could. She's not someone who wants a one-time thing and I'll do everything I can to make sure she doesn't think all I want is sex.

We disengaged when we heard her front door slam shut. "That's my dad!" she exclaimed, her urgency evident. "He can't know you're here." She swiftly rose, pulling me up with her, both of us breaking away from the kiss as she hurried us along. Her pace was so brisk that it took a moment for me to catch on before I scrambled up. "Why can't he know I'm here?" I whispered, trying to avoid any noise as her dad ascended the stairs.

"Because he'll flip if he finds a guy in my room. Though, it's not like it's the first time I've had a guy over," she rushed, steering us towards her bedroom window. "Seriously? You've done this before?" I questioned? but that conversation could wait as we reached her bedroom window, which she promptly opened, urging me outside.

"Well, there was this one time Dad caught me, and he nearly lost it. I promised I wouldn't do it again, and he dropped it," she explained hurriedly, her insistence on getting me out the window starting to concern me. I trusted she knew what she was doing, but I wasn't quite prepared for what came next.

"Are you seriously making me climb out your window?" I protested.

"Don't be a wimp. You'll be fine. You're not the first guy I've had over," she reassured, though her words didn't ease my nerves. The distance from her window to the ground seemed to grow as she tugged me closer to the edge.

As I began to climb out, my foot slipped, and I fell with a hard thud and a loud squeak.

Despite the throbbing pain in my ankle, the walk home afforded me ample time to ponder, and my thoughts continuously circled back to her. I couldn't shake the feeling that something wasn't right, as if she was keeping something from me. If she's had numerous guys over before, why the sudden worry about her dad catching her? Was I just another casual fling to her? My mind brimmed with inquiries for my elusive "little miss pipedream."

[minustwofingers]

exoplanet p.6 (ellie’s journals)

summary: you’ve won the life lottery as one of the few people on earth with parents who gained admittance to the most prestigous safezone in the world after the outbreak. but after a lab accident sends you out to jackson, wyoming, real life hits you fast. it’s a good thing that a hot lesbian finds u. (lol). mean ellie at first, slowburn, enemies to friends to lovers, fem reader asf

warnings: a significantly different writing voice! this is going to be a very different vibe from the other chapters since i had to write it as i imagine ellie would (which is a lot different than i do). slight nsfw content (mdni), language, mentions of violence/gore, angst, ellie’s pov is actually really depressing

a/n: soooo i know it’s been almost 3 months...and i’m really sorry about that! a lot of stuff happened in my life and i kind of fell off writing for quite some time. but i finish series, so i’m going to get through exoplanet in its entirety so i can finally give you all closure. some preliminary notes: know that these are modeled after how i imagine ellie would journal if she did journal this much. canonically she didn’t do that much writing that follows a narrative like it does here. i think it’s honestly a little ooc for her to be emotionally responsible enough to talk out her feelings, but given that there’s no other way to tell her side of the story (save for legit rewriting it from her perspective, which would take another 6 months or so and be horrifically repetitive), i decided to just suck it up and write it. i’m sorry if it sounds awkward, since she definitely doesn’t write in a voice that i have much experience with. the next chapter will be better!

word count: 5.5k

tags~ @intrnetdoll @dazedshoon @lovecaraya @pctcr @sariyaflowr @loser-keiji @prettyplant0 @666findgod @sawaagyapong @rystarkov @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie @galacticstxrdust @elliesbabygirl​ @pinkazelma @ariianelle @lu002 @blairfox04 @sparkleswonderland @elliesflower @muthafuckingstargirl @elliewilliamsissubermommyoml @eviestevie-14 @quicksilversg1rl @guacala @crtcrp @overtrred28

(i haven’t updated this yet bc my tags aren’t working)

a special special SPECIAL thanks to both @roarriita and @elliesflower​ for being soooo sexy and betaing for me. you both are so wonderful and helped me sm in feeling good enough to post this :)

without further ado, enjoy ellie’s journals!

January 20th, 2038

Today’s been…fucking…

I don’t even know where to start. I don’t get why this sort of shit always happens to me. First it was being bit and somehow surviving. Then it was getting carted off across the country. And now some girl basically falls out of the sky, claiming that she comes from some sort of paradise up North?

I’ll spare the immediate details. I don’t think I’ll forget the basic stuff—her name, the way she looked clutching at her knees in the clearing and shaking. That stupid shirt she had on and that expensive scarf.

I still want to believe that she’s just a liar who happened to get lucky with running into us, but even without Joel vouching for her story, I don’t think I’d ever be able to buy that she’d been living in the same world as us. I’ve never met someone without scars before. I didn’t know that there were people out there who didn’t have marked up arms and faces. Or people without calluses. Did you know that hands can be totally smooth?

Anyway. Tommy says that he’ll try and reach out across the contacts he has. Joel has her living right down the hall from me in the meantime, so now I have to share my bathroom. Hopefully the Terranovan authorities are good at finding people. She takes so fucking long to shower. It’s a wonder the whole compound still has hot water.

[One page of drawings follows: Dina smiling in the snow on her horse, Joel playing his guitar]

January 25th, 2038

Maria says that they’re thinking about breeding Shimmer soon. I know she told me because that means I’ll need to ride another horse for a little until she recovers and I know that we need another generation of foals, but it still made me cringe for Shimmer’s sake. She’s too free-spirited to be a mother. She doesn’t deserve that.

I went stargazing last night. It was pretty. Lots of shooting stars. I ran into the girl while I was coming back from the meadow. She gave me a weird look, and I could tell she wanted to ask me where I’d been but kept her mouth shut. Sometimes I regret dropping off that bag of clothes. I really fucking liked that gray sweatshirt, actually. I’m not even joking. It looks weird to see it on someone else.

[Half a page of drawing follows of the night sky with labeled constellations]

February 5th, 2038

Long time no see. I’ve been pretty busy with patrols and helping Maria with securing the walls. Joel made me try some of that coffee that our new house guest brought. It was just as awful as I remembered, but he seemed happy. So one point for the space girl. I guess.

Dina’s been hanging around more. She just broke up with Jessie (yes, again). She swears that it’s for good this time, but I’m not so sure. She also talks a lot about Y/N and what little detail she’s gathered about her life back in Terranova. I thought teasing her by asking her if she had a crush on Y/N would make her talk less about it, but it just made things worse.

I miss when things were normal.

[One page of drawings follows: one of Shimmer in cross-ties, another of a girl’s face, half-finished with the face scribbled out]

February 12th, 2038

Today I’m sad. I’m in bed with that book about astronomy that Joel nabbed for me on patrol a while ago and there’s a section I wanted to read that’s completely waterlogged. It shouldn't be a surprise. It’s decades old and has survived through an apocalypse. Normally things like this don’t bug me much because I’m so used to it. Half of my Savage Starlight collection is damaged. I don’t think I’ll ever find the first book to actually complete the series, and that’s okay, because I’ve never expected anything more. But now that I know that there’s a world out there where I’d never have problems like this, stuff like this hurts. It’s so stupid. I’m lucky to be alive. Compared to what’s left of the world population, I live a much cushier life than most. But for the first time in a while, I’m wishing for more.  

“Greed is the enemy of happiness” is what Maria would say if I ever said this kind of shit out loud. But is it really? Or is it just realizing what life can be?

[Half a page of a drawing of the solar system, with each planet labeled]

February 22nd, 2038

Maria let me pick the sire for Shimmer’s foal. It felt kind of gross, to be honest. I asked Maria if there was any way for Shimmer to choose and I was only sort of joking, but she just laughed anyway and patted my back. I won’t have to worry about finding a new horse for another two seasons or so, she told me. It’ll be weird not having her for a little.

She also told me that there was still no word from anyone who knew anything about Terranova. She said this to me in this placating voice, like she thought that I was going to punch a hole in the wall or something after hearing it. That seems to be common when it comes to people talking about Y/N and me. I don’t know why so many people think I don’t like her staying with us.

I don’t, by the way. Let me be clear. But I mostly feel indifferent about her now. She doesn’t bother me as much anymore, not since she started getting out of the house. I think she might be helping in the gardens, but I’ve never actually asked. We don’t talk a whole ton. I don’t think she likes me all that much.

[A drawing of Shimmer’s head poking over her stall door that takes up one page]

March 2nd, 2038

Today was finally our first nice day of the year. I would’ve enjoyed it more if the bird that lives in the tree outside my window hadn’t blown me out of bed at 4 in the fucking morning. I’m exhausted now. It’s been a long day. Joel says I need to take Y/N out on patrol soon. Why, I have no idea. Maybe he just wants me to actually befriend her or something, and I do nothing but patrols now. He can’t possibly expect her to be a good patrol partner.

Thankfully, I checked the logs when I came back. The route he wants me to cover with her has been the quietest all season. I doubt we’ll run into anything. If we do, I’ll probably be able to handle it. Hopefully.

[Half a page of doodles, mostly of nature and wildlife with the exception of a half-finished doodle of an arm clad in a fabric that drapes like silk and a hand with polished nails]

March 3rd, 2038

Many surprising things were learned today. I can’t believe it’s illegal to be gay in Terranova. Sorry. I shouldn’t laugh. It’s just—out of all the things they could be bothered by, it’s that? Really?

March 12th, 2038

I haven’t been good at journaling recently. I don’t really want to talk about why. You know why.

[Six pages of drawings, with many unfinished doodles of Y/N—including but not limited to her on her horse, her reading on the couch, and one with her sitting in what is a very loose interpretation of a classroom, taking notes]

March 13th, 2038

I will feel more normal tomorrow. Hopefully.

[Two pages of drawings, all of Y/N. One is her bent over a book, the other is her smiling up at you]

March 14th, 2038

I did something really stupid. I think I should probably just document this here so I don’t accidentally drunkenly spill it all out to Dina at the next bonfire. This is so embarrassing. I don’t get why I feel this way. It’s so stupid, you know? To feel anything towards someone who’s so…I don’t know. Different.

She gives me the weirdest looks sometimes. I can’t tell what they mean. It feels like she’s judging me. And why wouldn’t she be? I bet all the girls she spends her time around back home are just like her—perfect, orderly, pretty, proper. The day before I took her patrolling she gawked at the shorts I was wearing. It was borderline offensive. Actually, fuck that. It wasn’t borderline. It was offensive. You don’t just stare at people like that. She should know that.

Anyway, I invited her over to my room last night. Normal, right? Because we’ve been doing that a little since I took her on patrol, by the way. I’m not sure if I mentioned that before. But this time I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m…I don’t know. Creepy? Strange? Scary? She told me that she thought I was intimidating. And then I called her “untouched”, like how some old-timer devout Christian wackjob or whatever would describe virginity. It was so fucking weird of me. I don’t know what got into me, but she kept doing this thing where she kicked my foot with hers or touched my knee and it just threw me off. It took me forever to fall asleep last night—I kept replaying what I’d said to her, especially how I’d told her that she wouldn’t have made it if she were me like I was some sort of hardcore survivalist. I think I embarrassed her. I’m never doing anything like this again. I’m going to be dead sober every time I see her from now on.

I’ll stop talking about that. Y/N did come back after I’d made a fool of myself and showed me her collection of movies, so maybe it wasn’t so bad. I haven’t watched any movies since I was with Cat. When we first started dating, I’d invite her over and she’d sit right where Y/N did last night. I’m trying to not think of the implications, because it’s space girl, and she’s going home sometime soon.

[Three pages of drawings follow—some nature drawings of ferns and moths, others of Y/N with wet hair, her knees tucked up to her chin like she’d been in Ellie’s bed that night]

March 19th, 2038

It’s the Spring Equinox. That’s the first thing Y/N told me this morning when she saw me in the kitchen this morning. She gave me a mini lecture on what that meant for the planet’s axis tilt and I didn’t have the heart to tell her that I already knew, since she seemed really excited to tell me.

I made a horrible discovery yesterday, by the way. Maria came up to me and told me that Tommy had decided to reach out to some of his other buddies up North to see if they had any connections to Terranova, and for the first time, I felt myself hoping that it wouldn’t work.

It’s awful. I shouldn’t be thinking like this. Even in Jackson, where things are comparatively much better than the rest of the world, there’s risk. Just this winter, one family had to be kicked out when they were found hiding an infected son. No one here is completely safe, just safer. I shouldn’t be selfish. Y/N needs to go where she’s meant to be, where there’s no chance of infection or invasion. I’ll be fine. I just need to get over whatever this is.

Speaking of her, I need to go get her to tell her that we’re heading out on patrol in just a few minutes. Fingers crossed she doesn’t accidentally shoot me, but Joel swore up and down that she knows how to handle a gun now. Sure. Haha.

I’m back. It’s the middle of the night and she only just left my room. I don’t know how much detail I need to go into—chances are I won’t forget this. But for bookkeeping purposes: patrol did not go so hot. I had to give her stitches without any local anesthesia. I’ve never given stitches to anyone nearly in my lap before. I was really nervous, too. I don’t think I’ve ever had to focus so much on keeping my hands steady when it came to stitching someone up before, not even with Joel.

I’m starting to think that maybe I was wrong about thinking that she didn’t like me. I still can’t tell exactly what she thinks of me, and I know that it’s a really bad fucking idea to be entertaining thoughts like these, but tonight she did something that made me reconsider. She got under the covers with me, and instead of moving away to keep us from touching, she rested her head next to mine on the pillow.

I hope she couldn’t hear how much my heart was racing. People can’t hear that kind of stuff, right? Even if they’re close?

I’m being ridiculous. There’s no way she—No. She doesn’t see me like that.

March 21st, 2038

She rested her head on my shoulder today. I don’t know what to think of it. If she was normal and grew up like the rest of us did, I would know exactly what to think. But she’s not normal, and it’s not fair of me to treat her like she is. Maybe this is, like, a culturally acceptable thing back from where she grew up. Maybe rich people just cuddle each other all the time. I wouldn’t fucking know, and unfortunately no one in this godforsaken town can help, because there’s a distinct lack of what Maria calls the “bourgeoisie”. They’re all either dead or back where Y/N grew up, doing whatever rich snobs do.

Even if it is normal for her, I feel like I can’t stop analyzing everything she does. She seems more nervous around me than she does anyone else, but she lingers like she can’t help herself. I’ve noticed that she stumbles over her words and touches me much more than is really necessary. Or at least I think she does—maybe I’m just imagining things.

But even if it means what I think it does, I can’t let myself think like this. It’s not fair to her. No one deserves to live here if they have the choice. At least the people out here know how to handle it. She doesn’t, and I don’t want her to turn into the type of person who does.

When I stitched her up and teased her about being weak and sensitive, I think she thought I was insulting her. I try not to think about it, but if I let myself wallow too much, I’ll wonder what kind of person I’d be if I wasn’t so jaded. Maybe I’d draw more, or read more, or write more. Maybe I’d be an easier person to love. I didn’t get to choose how I turned out. It just happened to me.

So if she has the choice, I’m going to do everything I can to help her make the right one. I don’t want her to be like this.

March 29th, 2038

I had a dream about Riley last night. I haven’t had one of those in years, not since I was traveling with Joel. We were back in the mall, and Riley had just turned the lights on as a surprise. I had this feeling then, like I was being given a second chance. That I could set things straight and do what was right. I woke up before I could insist that we leave.

[A drawing takes up half of the next page. It’s a crude depiction of the mall Riley turned in.]

April 4th, 2038

It’s the middle of the night again. I can’t sleep. I’m so disappointed with myself about what I did tonight with Y/N. At the time, it seemed like a really good idea. She likes me back, apparently. I was right about everything that I wrote about earlier, I guess. But it certainly doesn’t feel like I thought it would.

It’s not like there’s no part of me that isn’t thrilled that she feels the same way. That’s why I gave in and slept with her. But even when she told me how she felt, even before I completely lost my self-control, something heavy was already hanging over me. Regret, maybe. Or guilt. I don’t know. What I do know is that this can’t last. I can’t make this good for her like I want to. She needs to go back, and she needs to be able to feel like she can make that choice without feeling like she’s leaving anything good behind.

I’m not a spiritual person. but even so, I can’t help but feel like that dream of Riley was a sign. This is my second chance. I’m not going to fuck it up this time. I’ve already been an accomplice of so much suffering. Y/N is going home, and I’ll never see her again when she does. That’s that.

It took all I had left in me in the end to kick her out. She looked so hurt, and the fact that she tried to hide it made it even worse. I wish I could tell her why this can’t work, but I don’t think she’d understand.

[A drawing of Y/N kissing Ellie’s palm follows, her hair slightly mussed]

April 6th, 2038

I need to stop making rash decisions like knocking on her door late at night and asking her to come over. I really don’t know what’s gotten into me, because whenever I see her now, I can’t help but freeze up. Like last night, when she kissed me and touched my face and told me she thought I was a good person. I panicked and told her—well, nevermind. I don’t really want to repeat it here. It was mean, but I didn’t know what else I could do to get her to stop.

She was already tearing up by the time she left. I had to sit down and breathe deeply for a few minutes before I was sure I wasn’t going to be sick. I don’t really think I want to write more about this right now. It just makes me sad how unfair this all is. Of course the one time after Cat that I meet someone I really like it just has to be in one of the cruelest scenarios possible. I just have no idea what to do.

[Five pages of drawings follow of Y/N in bed, her head tilted back against the pillow, her eye’s half lidded, and her mouth slightly agape. Ellie redraws this multiple times, x-ing out parts that don’t seem quite right]

April 10th, 2038

I know this is none of my business, but she’s been spending a lot of time with Dina lately. She nearly got herself killed getting a gift for me with Dina yesterday, which feels like some sort of especially cruel joke. The universe isn’t being very fucking subtle right now.

If what I’m worried about is right, at least Dina has the option to come with her up North. She’d test negative.

April 20th, 2038

I would really like it if I could have one short break from the misery that’s my life right now. I turned 20 yesterday, accidentally introduced Y/N to my ex, proceeded to get much drunker than I meant to, completely fell off my rocker and asked Y/N to stay the night, and then discovered this morning that not only has Terranova found Y/N but that my strategy of keeping Y/N at arm’s length completely failed.

She wants me to come with her, and she’s threatening to stay here otherwise. I did the only thing that I could think to do and snapped at her.

I’m so tired of this. I hate having to act like I don’t care. This is the third time now that I’ve had to say something nasty to her to keep her from getting too close. I just want to get in bed and sleep until she leaves and I can pretend like nothing ever happened and that everything is normal.

[One page of drawings of Y/N passed out in her bed and Y/N grinning while holding a lopsided cake]

April 28th, 2038

I know I haven’t been writing much again. Sorry about that. I just can’t bear to think about my life right now. I know I should be relieved—this is what I wanted. I wanted her to go where it’s best for her.

But there’s still that selfish part of me that keeps me up at night. Y/N is going to leave this place never knowing how I feel about her. Logically, that should be what I want. This way I won’t need to say a real goodbye. I know I won’t need to now, since she doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. It’s really fucking immature of me to be so hurt by what she must think of me now, but I can’t stop.

I wonder how long it will take for me to stop feeling sad about this. I’ve never had to process anything like this where there’s nothing I can do. With Riley and Sam, I at least got to heal from the knowledge that I was going to help make the vaccine to save the world. But losing Y/N just because of where we come from is totally meaningless. I can go forward knowing that I made it easy for her to make the right decision, but that only goes so far.

I don’t know how I’m going to handle this. I’m going to practically live with Dina so I don’t need to be alone for the first few weeks.

I wish May 8th would just come already so she can go away and I can get on with my life.

May 1st, 2038

Things have changed some. Joel cornered me in the kitchen last night and told me that I needed to grow up and just appreciate the rest of the time I had left with Y/N. I was going to agree and try to walk past him, but he stopped me and told me that he needed me to escort Y/N. I guess he’s right. She can’t go alone, and Joel and Tommy are getting a little too old for week-long expeditions into the wilderness.

He also told me that I need to apologize to her and make things right, saying shit like I’d regret it forever if things ended between us like this. I don’t want to admit it, but I think he’s right. When I told him that she’d originally threatened to stay if I didn’t go with her, he blinked, hard. Then he told me that he had an idea.

I’m faking it. I’m telling her that I’m going, even though I’m going to leave her when she gets picked up. I don’t know how I’m going to pull it off. When I told her in the meadow last night, she was so happy. I know it’s really sappy and cliche to say this, but I felt my heart shatter, bit by bit. I’m not a very good liar, not to people who are important to me. But I suppose I’ve been lying to her all this time, kicking her out of my room and telling her that I didn’t want anything more with her.

I can do this, I think. I have to do this, or else she might threaten to stay, and I don’t think I have it in me to be cruel again. Not to her. I guess I’ll just trick myself into feeling like I’m actually coming with her, like we have a chance of actually being together. I don’t know. We’ll see.

[One drawing of Y/N laying down in the meadow that takes up half a page]

May 3rd, 2038

It’s easier than I expected. Y/N sleeps over in my room at night, and if I don’t think too hard about it, I can pretend like things will always be like this.

I’m getting to be such a sap, though. I almost broke down in the bathroom today while I was getting ready. It was over the stupidest thing—a toothpaste bottle. Y/N always folds it so neatly, making a perfect, tight spiral of plastic near the end. It used to really bother me when I first had to share with her (because who does that—it’s weird and doesn’t do anything since she doesn’t manage to squeeze out the extra in the bottom anyways), but the thought of throwing it out when it finally emptied and having to find another one that’ll never be folded again hit me and suddenly I was counting my inhales and exhales. I don’t really give a shit about toothpaste. It’s just that it was the moment that I realized that she’s really going to be gone soon, you know? Slowly but surely, the evidence of her stay here will be wiped away and replaced. Someday I’ll forget all the little details about her.

She’s knocking on my door. I need to stop being so depressed and go see her before she picks up that something’s wrong.

[One small doodle of Y/N smiling and rolling her eyes while brushing her teeth]

May 6th, 2038

Dina’s coming now. Y/N told me this morning after she went to say goodbye. I feel really shitty about this. I guess I should tell her that I’m not going now, because this way Y/N needs to go home to get Dina the help she needs, but I just can’t bring myself to. I’ll have to escort both of them to the pickup spot anyway since Dina’s weaker now that she’s pregnant, and the thought of having to spend a full week with Y/N after she knew I lied to her makes my skin crawl. I can’t tell who I’m trying to protect by doing this—me or her. Maybe both.

I’m losing my two favorite people here, and they don’t even know it yet. But this is the best option. This is my chance to finally do some good in the world.

May 7th, 2038

I’m about to go stargazing with Y/N for the last time. I don’t think I’ll be writing in here again until I get back. I don’t want to risk losing this while I’m out in case something crazy happens. Which it probably will, but I canonically happen to be really good at living when shit hits the fan. Also—I don’t imagine Y/N to be a particularly nosy person, but if she ever came across this and thought it was a book or something, it would make things really awkward. So, you’re staying tucked carefully under my bed until I come back later this month.

I don’t know how to handle this sort of goodbye. I don’t really know how to handle any sort of goodbye, I guess, but at least I’ve been through them before. I may not do it well, but I know how to live when people I love die. But this isn’t like that. No one is dying (hopefully), and more importantly, I know it’s a goodbye this time. I see it coming on the horizon and I can’t even tell anyone about it. How does anyone deal with that? How does anyone cope?

Y/N’s knocking on my door now. I need to go before I start thinking even more and do something stupid like start crying or whatever.

I’ll be back in about two weeks.

June 1st, 2038

Sorry for not writing. It’s been pretty shitty, actually. It took me 5 extra days to get home because some scavengers gave me trouble. I hardly slept for most of them. I ran out of ammo about 4 days out and had to use my knife for everything I ran into until I was able to raid the cabinets of this abandoned cabin. Nearly got taken out by a clicker, too. It was not fun. It was especially not fun because I was not feeling super great to begin with, for obvious reasons.

Things haven’t gotten any better since getting back to Jackson. Y/N didn’t take her stupid Exoplanetary Systems textbook and now I’m struggling with whether or not I should throw it out. The rational side of me says to keep it because it was published after the outbreak and probably contains updated information that isn’t anywhere else. The rest of me doesn’t even want to look at the stars anymore because it reminds me of her.

It’s really hard not to blame her for ruining everything. I can’t go out and ride my own horse without thinking about the first time we went on patrol together and she dropped my gun and nearly killed one of us. And I can’t even relax in my own home, because I’ve spent almost every night with her since March in my bed. Sometimes when I hear a creak in the middle of the night I assume it’s her walking down to the bathroom or getting water until it hits me again that she’s never coming back.

I know I’m being melodramatic. There are many other worse problems I could be having right now. But I don’t even have my best friend anymore. I wonder if Dina and Y/N are angry with me for lying. I wonder if they’re settling in okay. I hope that Y/N manages to fix whatever her research was and that Dina gets better.

[Twenty pages of drawings of Y/N and Dina together. Some are snippets of them on their expedition to the pickup site. Others are pictures of Y/N and Dina walking around with smiles on their faces in what looks to be a city]

June 21st, 2038

It’s been over a month since I’ve last seen her. I had a breakdown while getting ready for bed when I realized that I didn’t remember what her voice sounded like anymore.

[Ten pages of half-finished drawings, each with its face scribbled over]

June 28th, 2038

I don’t think I really remember what she looks like—not exactly. I’ve been trying to draw her because I’m still in the habit of making decisions that are definitely not good for my mental state. I just can’t do it, and it isn’t for the lack of trying. Every time I get to her eyes I keep drawing something that looks wrong, but I can never tell why. I compare it to my earlier drawings of her from when we first met and it feels like meeting her for the first time again.

Joel says it’ll pass and that he’s proud of me for doing the right thing. Jessie and I have been hanging out more. Even if he won’t admit it, I can tell he’s miserable without Dina. But he understands why she had to go—just like how I feel about Y/N. And Dina too, of course. Jackson feels like a ghost town without her.

July 17th, 2038

I haven’t been writing or drawing in here for a while, I know. I was going to just go ahead and start a new journal—you know the one that Maria gave me for Christmas with the dark blue cover—but it didn’t feel right to just stop without explaining. Otherwise I’ll feel like an asshole for wasting so much paper.

I don’t want to move on from what happened with Y/N and Dina. I really don’t, but I don't think I have a choice. If I keep going on like this, I’ll never be able to live normally again. I’m just sick and tired of being sad all of the time. So I’m not going to write here anymore. I don’t think it’s realistic for me to forget all about it, because I don’t want to forget her. Not really. But I guess if I want to get better, I’ll need something different. So, here’s that. The beginning of my fresh start. “Fresh start” and you call me overdramatic!! haha. Y/N was here!

(You left this on your nightstand. I promise I didn’t read too much. I opened it because I thought it was your sketchbook. I’m going to put this back since I hear you walking down the hall now.)

ok as an aside my blog is broken so my stuff isn’t notifying people when i tag/showing up on dashes or in tags. please reblog if you’re comfortable so people can actually find this! thank you!

final a/n: i totally get it if this wasn’t quite your cup of tea this time—i just really wanted to iron out ellie’s pov before their reunion in the end. which is happening and not a spoiler because i have always promised a hea! this was a change in pace for the story and i promise you that the next chapter will be more normal/align more with my normal writing style. i have also changed my mind (probably) and have decided to stick with writing an epilogue! so two more chapters are coming before this is totally over. thank you so much for waiting and being so patient! i love you all dearly ok bye bye now

[queenshelby]

Forbidden Desire (Part Four)

Pairing: Thomas Shelby x Reader (Female/Incestuous)

Warnings: Incest (at this stage accidental), Age Gap, PTSD, Domestic Abuse, Self-Harm, Fluff, Mild Smut

Words: 5,456

Summary:

This plays after Grace’s death but before Tommy becomes a politician. Lizzie is pregnant with Tommy’s child, so it is somewhere around season four.

In this fic, Tommy suffers from episodes of PTSD and so does the reader, resulting from trauma and abuse. They will help and save each other without realising that their connection is much stronger than they could have anticipated.

There will be love, fluff and smut as well as a highly taboo relationship.

PLEASE COMMENT AND ENGAGE!

QUESTION: WHO IS TOMMY TO THE READER? WHOOPS!

YOUR POV

The following day, you again, arrived at the gambling den on time only to find out that Tommy was not there and neither were any of his brothers.

Polly and Michael too were absent from the den that day and the only person who barged in at around 9 o’clock was a woman by the name of Linda.

She was blonde and beautiful, with lovely curls and hypnotic eyes. She appeared stressed however and when you introduced yourself to her, she chuckled.

“I know who you are. My husband told me about you this morning” the woman then said and you queried her.

“Your husband?” you asked, not knowing who she was married to.

“Arthur Shelby. He is my husband and I believe that, last night, you met him, at the state library” Linda explained before sitting down and looking through the betting book.

“Yes, I did. He seemed nice” you acknowledged before thinking back to last night which is when Arthur, who happened to be Tommy’s oldest brother, came to find him. He too was in a panic last night, telling Tommy that he found someone they have been looking for. An acquaintance of some sort and, with that, Tommy had to leave rather abruptly.

Leaving you with his car and the key to the library, Tommy said goodbye without a kiss and it was almost like he did not want his brother to know about the fact that he took a liking in you.

Why this was the case, you did not know but, somehow, it was bothering you. You felt as though he was embarrassed by the way he had met you, in less than ideal circumstances and, the idea of Tommy being ashamed of you, was stuck in your head for the entire night.

You got no sleep whatsoever and needed to know the true nature behind Tommy’s intensions. Why was he so afraid of showing his feelings towards you in front of others? Was this just a game to him? Something to kill his boredom with perhaps?

“Y/N” you then suddenly heard Linda as, clearly, you were daydreaming and thinking too much about last night.

“Yes Linda” you responded almost reluctantly.

“Are you alright taking some bets today? Because we will be on our own until 3 o’clock” she then said and you realised that she must have asked you this very same question just seconds ago to which, clearly, you had failed to respond.

“Yes, I can take bets. You may just need to help me write them down. I am okay with numbers, but complex words are a different story” you admitted to her before asking where everyone was.

“There was an incident last night, near the docks in Camden Town” Linda told you but this did not really answer your question.

“What sort of incident?” you thus asked but Linda shrug her shoulders.

“Business I suppose” Linda said. “My husband never really tells me everything but, what I know is that Tommy was shot last night and this is why he isn’t here today. Lizzie cancelled all of his meetings” Linda explained and your chin dropped while fear began to overwhelm you.

“Oh my god Linda. You need to tell me what happened to Tommy” you demanded, but Linda did not, immediately, answer your question.

“So it is true what Lizzie said. You have taken a liking in Tommy” Linda observed instead. “My oh my, little one. You know you don’t stand a chance, right? Tommy is not a man who is faithful. Despite, he is marrying Lizzie, so…” Linda then went on to say but you did not care and repeated your question.

“Linda, is Tommy okay?” you asked again, to which, finally, you received an answer.

“Yes. He is fine. It is not the first time he got shot and the man who shot him is now laying in a ditch somewhere. My husband made sure of that” Linda told him while you were quick to reach for your coat, causing Linda to ask where you were going.

“I need to see him” you told her, causing Linda to roll her eyes.

“No, you don’t. What you need to do is to help me run this office. Tommy will be just fine” Linda said sternly before making an observation. “You have no idea what Tommy does, do you?” she then asked but the question was a rhetorical one. “He may be my brother in law, but he is not a good man” she furthermore said. “It is because of Tommy that my husband is acting the way he does. He had found God after having been jailed for his crimes, but now he is back carrying our Tommy’s dirty work. It’s appalling and you should stay away from him” Linda finally mentioned to you but this was not all she had to say.

“I know about you. I know about your stepfather too. Tommy is looking for him’” Linda revealed and you gasped momentarily in response.

“What are you talking about?” you wanted to know, seeing that you were not aware of any business Tommy had with your stepfather.

“You think that Tommy chose you out of kindness or love?” Linda chuckled after realising how oblivious you were. “Lizzie is right. You are naïve. Your stepfather has a gambling debt with Shelby Company Limited and went into hiding after using a false identity to steal from Tommy’s family business. Tommy wants to recover the debt and make him pay for stealing from him. This is why he needs you” Linda then told you and it all started to make sense now.

Tommy did not like you. He was using you. This was all you were to him.

“I need to go Linda” you then told her as you were trying hard to hold back your tears. You were feeling betrayed and upset by what Linda had told you and, even though you still could not be sure about Tommy’s true intentions towards you, you were almost certain that you were nothing but a means to an end. 

To be continued…

Please comment and engage. I love getting comments and predictions pretty please!

Tommy Shelby Tag List:

@fastfan

@elenavampire21

@dolllol2405

@allie131313

@cilliansangel

@coldbastille

@kpopgirlbtssvt

@cdej6

@kathrinemelissa

@landlockedmermaid77

@crazymar15

@damedomino  

@lauren-raines-x

@miss-bunny19

@skinny-bitch-juice

@odorinana

@cloudofdisney

@weepingstudentfishhorse

@allexiiisss

@geminiwolves

@letsstarsfalling

@ysmmsy

@chlorrox

@tommyshelbypb

@chocolatehalo

@music-lover911

@desperate-and-broken

@mysticaldeanvoidhorse

@peaky-cillian

@lelestrangerandunusualdeetz

@december16-1991

@captivatedbycillianmurphy

@romanogersendgame

@randomfangirl2718

@missymurphy1985

@peakyscillian

@lilymurphy03

@deefigs

@theflamecrystal

@livinginfantaxy

@rosey1981

@hanster1998

@fairypitou

@zozeebo

@kasaikawa

@littleweirdoalien

@sad-huffle-nerd

@theflamecrystal

@0ghostwriter0

@stylescanbeatmyback

@1-800-peakyblinders

@datewithgianni

@momoneymolife

@mcntsee

@janelongxox

@basiclassy

@chaotic-bean-of-smolness

@margoo0

@vhscillian

@crazymar15

@im-constantly-fangirling

@namelesslosers

@littlewhiterose

@ttzamara

@cilleveryone

@peaky-cillian

@severewobblerlightdragon

@dolllol2405

@pkab

@babaohhhriley

@littleweirdoalien

@alreadybroken-ts

@masteroperator

@stevie75

@shabzy96

@rainbow12346

@obsessedwithfandomsx

@geeksareunique

@laysalespoir

@paigem00

@lkarls

@vamp-army

@luckystarme

@myjumper

@gxorg

@eline-1806

@goldenharrysworld

@cristinagronk16

@stylesofloki

@faatxma

@slut-for-matt-murdock

@tpwkstiles

@myjumper

@cloudofdisney

@look-at-the-soul

@smellyzcat

@kittycatcait219

@theliterarybeldam

@layazul

@lyn07

@kagilmore

@50svibes

@mainstreetlilly

@ourthatgirlabby

@bitchwhytho

@takethee

@registerednursejackie

@sofi128

@mrkdvidal1989

@minxsblog

@heidimoreton

@laylasbunbunny

@laylasbunbunny

@queenshelby

@camilleholland89

@forgottenpeakywriter

@vintagecherryt

@indierockgirrl

@mrkdvidal1989

@bluesongbird

@dudde-44

@gasolinesavages

@kissforvoid

@bluebird592

@1eugenia1isabella1

@esposadomdp

@lulunalua23

@lovelace42

@bookklover23

@iwantmyredvelvetcupcake

@moonmaiden1996

@marlenamallowan

@cyphah (cannot tag)

@majesticcmey

@cleverzonkwombatsludge

@throughgoeshamilton

@alessioayla

@elenavampire21

@justforfiction

@cilliansangel

@alannielaraye (cannot tag)

@satellitelh

@simplyreading96

@idledream​s

@vic-top​

[daryldixonfanfiction]

What you fight for! Pt.7 - strawberries and cigarettes *18+

Masterlist

summary: Daryl tries to keep it in his pants, buts it's more then difficult when the girl hes crushing on is indulging a certain candy next to him.

Warnings: a steamy lollipop moment in Daryl's pov, Daryl is obsessed with her curly hair, angst, pining, sexual themes in dreams and thoughts, Daryl has thoughts of having her in the backseat, protective!Daryl, age gape, Daryl being a softy and a gentleman, mentions of bruise, brief mentions of almost previous rape.

wc: 6.9k

Daryl found it hard to focus on the road. 

The sun glowed on her just right, and when it hit her brown eyes she looked angelike, her curls glowing like a golden halo. He wanted to move his fingers true her curly hair, smell that soothing scent of shampoo, pull back the two strands of looks that had fallen into her soft brown eyes behind her ear. 

Oh, how he craved to touch her. 

He should stop before he drives them into a tree - and he does so by pulling his lingering gaze away from her back on the road. She obliviously looked at the map in her lap, because he had told her to, even though he didn't actually need help in navigation. But he was selfish and wanted her to ask him questions about where they were going as it was mostly the only time she would talk. 

He had notest her becoming more quiet, avoiding his gaze and he knew it was his doing of his pore words from that morning. But he never intended for this and the more she distanced herself from him the more he felt drawn to her, wanting her to look at him, engage in conversations. And when they had been smothered in silence that he before had no problem with, he would ask her how much longer before he had to take another road,  even though he already knew the answer. But he couldn't help himself when the look of accomplishment covered her lips, her eyes and her face and even if it was subtle, he always caught it and he would smile to himself because she was just…perfekt. 

He noticed how she would get lost in the scenery speeding by her window and how she was engrossed in writing and drawing when there wasn't much else to do. She leaned against the window once more, gazing to the outside fields and he did the same without notesting, mirroring her against his own window. Then a rumbelle from her stomach broke the silence in the humming vehicle they had been smothered in sins she had told him to turn left and follow highway 76. He suppressed a chuckle, glancing her way as he drove with his one hand firmly on the wheel.

"There's some protein bars in the back,” Daryl offered, still looking ahead.

Julia shakes her head, “I’m not that hungry.” She denied softly, but her stomach rumbling again told a different story - and she kicked herself inwardly as she felt heat begin to blossom on her cheeks. Embarrassed of being caught in a silly lie she didn't know no way she felt the need to lie about in the first place. It was stupid. But Daryl didn't say anything and instead reached behind her seat and easily took out three bars from his pack, then offered them. She hesitated, then gave in. 

“Thank you.” She said, taking one from his hand.

The sweet and tasteful chocolate-bar melted in her mouth, the nuts crunched satisfyingly with every chew. As she glanced towards Daryl, watching how he ripped the package open with his teeth, tossing the raper aside and shocked to see how he finish it of with onely tree bites as she still was on her first. She found it amusing how he always ate so care free with no manners, how he smotherd the melted chocolate on his fingers against his pants that would have been avoided if he had kept the raper on. But of course he wouldn't, it was Daryl after all.

Dragging the back of his hand over his mouth, she couldn't help but let out a little chuckle notesting it did nothing to clean the residue of the melted chocolate on the corner of his mouth. Just like a child. Daryl glanced her way in question, 

“What’s so funny?” He asked with some still in his mouth.

Julia shakes her head, still smiling as she stares at the smudged chocolate spot. It was just adorable and he didn't even know it. She pointed to her own mouth, making him look at himself in the rear view mirror to see what she was referring to - making him wipe it off with his sleeve. Then began to dig into his second bar and Julia watched in amusement at his clear liking to sweets. When he finished it, he checked himself in the mirror making sure this time he got it all.

Puting the raper neatly away in her bag she then shugged some water down, the chocolate making her terribly thirsty and when she finished, about to put the lid bak on, Daryl nudged her arm, his hand oustreched towards her.

“Give me some.”

Julia handed him the bottle of water without much thought and never before has she seen someone down water that fast. Like he had been deprived of water like a man lost in the desert. And it was impossible to not stare at his adamsappel bobbing up and down his throat with every gulp he swallowed. Her fingers itched to touch him, but she pulled herself together. He held the water bottle to his mouth unaware of her sinfully drooling over how his bicep flexed. The fabric on the denim jacket looked like it would burst. He looked so strong and firm without even trying - and she couldn't help but to remember how bulky he felt under her touche when he had been on top of her, thrusting inside of her. and even then he had been so gentle. 

Daryl drank until the need for oxygen was unbearable, handing back an almost empty bottle and offered an out of breath, “Thank’s,” wiping away the axes' water on his lips.

And she aced for his lips to be on hers once more.

“Oh,” She said, snapping out of her engrossed daydream and putting back the water bottle in her pack, suddenly feeling the need to busy herself, beginning writing down the first thing she knew she would need on their journey or she would bleed true her pants eny day now. 

And her prayers must have been heard when Daryl not long after stopped at an abundant gas station that was looted with abundant cars.

Finding the auto store loted but walker free Daryl gave her the ‘okey’ to stay inside as he began to siphon fuel from the cars outside. Julia didn't waste any time, beginning to go to the shelves that were mostly empty, but when she found a big box of tampons she almost squealed as she no longer needed to dred of what she would do when her monthly came. The only thing she hoped to find but didn't was painkillers, but she knew she could handle the cramps even though hers tended to be severe sometimes - to the extent of throwing up and almost fainting.

After having consumed all that water earlier nature called and she moved to the ladies room in the back. She knew the place was empty as Daryl had cleared it, but she couldn't help from being hesitant when entering.

Having the rare moment of privacy, away from his watchful eye she pulled out the gun she had taken in secret, back at the house. Knowing he would take it the moment he knew she had it. 

She had never handled a gun before, the only knowledge of it was from action movies and watching others kill walkers. She had taken it because after what happened she wanted to feel safe, to protect herself and him if it came to it. But she knew she would not kill someone, it felt impossible to do so inside herself. 

Somehow she managed to take the fully loaded klip out, fumbling with the disarmed gun clumsy. It felt surprisingly heavy and smelld of gunpowder and metal. Looking at herself in the bathroom mirror the gun looked out of place in her hands, it felt as if she did something she shouldn't. 

Even though she knew she was free to do whatever she wanted, there was this obligation to do what he said, because he kept her safe and he knew more about all this than she did and she had agreed to do what he said when it came to going on this journey - to find the scientists that had become her life purpose. So for now she hid the gun away in her pack once more, hoping she would never have to use it.

Exiting the auto shop she moves towards Daryl, who is siphoning fuel into a red dunk. He looks up at her and regards her before questioning,

“Everything okay?”

Julia could feel herself getting nerves, worried he had already smelled the secret she was keeping from him.

“Mmmh,” she assures, “Why do you ask?”

“You were gone for a while. Was almost  going to look for ya if you took any longer.” 

Oh.

She watched as he leaned his back against the car, waiting for the dunk to get filled as he lightened a smoke, cupping his hand to shield it from the wind.

It should be illegal how he made a bad habit look so good. And wasn't it dangerous to smoke while handling gas? But she knew better than to question him.

Thinking about it she never knew he smoked, but on the other hand a lot of people did. Daryl took a long drag before letting the smoke pass true to his lips, the smoke cloud blowing away with the wind. And she couldn't help but notice how it made him relax, look more at ease. 

Roaming true her bag, Julia offers one of her lollipops she had found on her way out. Daryl stared at the pink and read raped up candy in her hand, shooting her a confused look. She offered  him a soft smile and insisted,

“Here.”

“Na, I’m good,” he drawls, blowing the white smoke away from her direction.

Unwrapping the candy, as he crosses his arms over his broad chest with the sig still between his lips, she looked at the half full dunk then to the siphon and asked curiously, 

“How does it work?”

“The siphon?

“Yeah,” she confirms, placing her pack on the car and plops the candy into her mouth. Daryl explains as he lets the sigaret hang from his lips,

“It’s when liquid travels against gravity.” He began, “mmh hmm,” Julia hums. “The liquid travels up and over the crest of the tube, the weight of the liquid goes into this,” he points to the red dunk, “It pulls the rest of it over the crest, causing the tank to drain.”

Julia swirls the candy in thought as he puts the lid back on the filled up dunk and takes the tube out of the filler neck opening and continues to the next car to fill another dunk of fuel. Julia follows, caring the heavy dunk and Daryl questions as he works the tube down the tank,

“You understand?”

“Well…only the part about liquid traveling against gravity,” she confessed, putting the dunk bak on the ground “The rest was too… complicated.” 

He hummed in acknowledgement, then put the tube to his mouth, sucking the fuel out, then let it drain out into the dunk and spat out the burning taste of gas.

Daryl leans against the car just like he did before and Julia glanced at his side profile. Silently studying him from head to toe. He was a very handsome man, smart. It felt like he had experienced far more of life than she had, had so much knowledge, had the answer to her every question and always knew what to do. 

She found him so capable. Safe. Everything a man should be she saw in him.

The taste of sweet cherry ingolfs her mouth and she takes the candy out to speak,

“Maybe next time I can fill up one du-

“Na,” Daryl cut her off. “You don’t need to be doing shit like that. Gas ain’t good for ya.”

“Gas isn't good for you either, you know.” Julia countered and Daryl gave her a look making her drop it knowing he wouldn't change his mind. She just wanted to be helpful when he did so much. Protecting her, going on this journey.

Plopping the candy back into her mouth she put her pack back on and the dunk along to start refiling the truck. But before she reached the truck, Daryl had caught up to her and took the heavy dunk from her grasp, caring both effortlessly.

“Thanks,” she said looking up at him and he gave her nood in response.

“Can you hand me that funnel?” Daryl asked her, handling the dunks to refuel the truck. "It's in the back.”

“Okay,” she responds and retrieves the funnel to him, happy that she helped in any way.

It had been a good day so far, but still the sadness creeped in when there was nothing occupying her wandering mind. She had tried to distract herself in the journal, but when she realized she was drawing his eyes that she found so beautiful, she put it back in her pack and just stared out the window, watching Virginia's landscape speed by, In hop of thinking of anything else that didnt pain her heart.

What confused her the most was how could he be so normal about what had happened between them, how he kept being close to her even though he had told her it was wrong? And she just didn't understand. Nothing made sense any more. All she knew was she liked him and he didn't reciprocate those feelings, not in the way she wanted him to. And why did he all of a sudan wanna be close, talking more than he had done with her before? It made her distancing herself from him so much harder, painful even when she was so drawn to him. Maybe she would forget about her unrequited feelings for him if he wasn't being so kind, so protective and if he wasn't currently staring her way. She wished for him to keep his pools of deep blue on the road.

She could feel his gaze making a home on the back of her haid, but she couldn't look at him right now, because, if so, she feared for her feelings to deepen even more and it would all be so much more painful in the end. And she wondered, when someone rejected someone, wasn't the normal thing to do, not to give the other mixed signals - to keep to their words of rejection and regret? 

Virginia. America's heartland.  It's late autumn scenery was breathtaking and even more so in the golden sunset and for a moment she just admired the view. Thinking about everything and nothing at once while tasting another lollipop that tasted of strawberries. Her grandparents used to grow them.

–

Daryl struggled once again to keep his focus on the road. And even more so when she was so carelessly sucking on that damn candy stick. Making sinful sounds every time she would drag  it between her plump lips that he knew were soft, because he had tasted them that night he could not get out of his mind.

The memory forever plays on repeat.

She was just like candy, sweet and addictive. But he would not let himself give into that desire. Even though every time he would nudge her to get her attention, just to make her look at him, hear her soft voice and he knew he wasn't truly keeping to his own promise. It wouldn't be long before he broke it. 

No.

He wouldn't let himself do that. 

He couldn't.

He had to protect her from himself. 

He would only end up hurting her more then he already had. She deserves someone that was worthy of her soft-heartedness, her untainted soul. And he knew he wasn't worthy of her kindness, that he never would be, so he had to draw the line. Telling her it had been wrong because she deserves someone who was as good as her, he would never be that. All he could do was to protect her, do whatever it took in order to keep her safe, and he had already failed her in that. 

It ate at him, gilt burning in his gut every time he would stare at her for too long and he would see that bruise on her delicate throat that had turned bluish purple. Now and again he would catch her unintentionally scratching it, making him worry it was hurting. 

That picture of her underneath that monster, pushing her down on the bed, forcing her legs open as she fought against him, silenced with that disgusting man's hand around her throat. And if he haven’t followed his gut filing to go into that room when he had she would have been raped and killed and God knows what more by the other men in the house. And it felt like he was more traumatized than she was which worried him. 

She had been deathly quiet just after he dragged her out of the house but then it was like it never had happened in the first place. Because of course she was so selfless and good - and all she did was to care for him, soothing him with her kind words and her soft touch.

He will forever be undeserving of her.

And that was when he realized how strong someone could be without any physical strength. That her emotional strength was something far beyond, something he needed and never wanted to live without. When he thought about it she had always seen through him, been there for him when he had been weak, vulnerable and he could only feel undeserving, but it had meant everything to him.

He flexed his wrapped up hand, and even though his knuckles were aching all he could think of was her touch from the night before. When she had told him it would not heal and then softly wrapped it up again. He had been close to kissing her then, too close. Just by her touch she had him folded, and how she looked at him with her kind eyes, he knew he would do anything she asked. He would bring the moon down for her if she so desired, and he had never felt something so strong and so delicate for someone else, and that scared him in a way. Because he knew there would be no limits for what he would do in the name of her. 

After all, he already had. With no regret - no second thought. It had been cristall clear of what he had to do in order to insure her safety.

Did she even know what she was doing to him? What was she putting him through?

And right now she was putting him in true hell and she had been doing so sins she had found them damned lollipops she had found in the auto-shop. The strawberry scent filled his nostrils and he could feel himself hardening in his jeans at the sight of her sinfully sucking on that candy that he wished was himself. But he wouldn't let his mind go there, not any further at least. But then the thought of the candy being his finger she was sucking on as she deeply locked eyes with him - or even better, if it was-

He shook his head to himself, trying to think of anything but that, because if he did he would stop the car, show her what she was doing to him as he would have her over and over again in the backseat until she begged him with her sweat voice, chanting his name like a prayer over and over until she fell apart under his touch.

Fuck.

He closed his eyes then looked her way and he shouldn't have. Because when he did so, she plopped the candy out of her mouth, a string of saliva followed, her lips pretty and swole glistening with the red color of the candy that just begged him to give in, inviting him.

Damnit. 

He had to do something, he could not take this much longer. A beautiful, naive girl inches from him, sucking on a lollipop like it was him. Firmly Daryl tries to get her attention by calling her name but she is somewhere else in her pretty little head, thinking of something so interesting she didn't hear the second time either, making him become incredibly frustrated. So with no option left he reaches over and takes the candy out of her mouth, being met with her pretty bambi eyes and surprise written all over her soft features.

“Hey! What are you doing?” She questions.

“You are supposed to be keepen your eyes on the map.” 

He should be keeping his eyes on the road.

Julia rolls her eyes, then looks at him and demands, “Give it back.”

“Nah.”

“What do you mean, Nah?” She tries to snatch it back, but his arm being superiorly longer than hers makes her groan in frustration when it was impossible to reach.

Then she tries a different tactic, by pulling at his jacket by his biceps, and even though she pulled with all of her might with both of her hands to get it back, it did nothing.

“Daryl!” Julia whines and his eyes almost roll back to the sound of it, “Comon, Daryl! Give it back!”

Still holding on to his clothed bicep she looked up at him with big puppy eyes, her brows furrowed, “Please,” she begs. And there was an immediate reaction as she did so, even though his face became unreadable, his arm felt like it was flexing even more in her hold. 

His eyes went back and forth between her and the road they were still driving on and Daryl fought for his life not to fold. Julia could feel him giving in slowly but surely. She then tilts her head at him and bats her eyelashes, “Pretty please? Pretty, pretty please?”

She could see him visibly swallow before he looked away from the road looking down at her and she knew if she wanted a chance it would be now when he was completely disarmed, the focus on her and not on the candy he had taken hostech. And the way he decided to do so, was beyond her.

As she tried to snatch it back, it was as if all of a sudden he snapped back to reality - and before she could attempt to stop him, he told her with that stupid smirk that looked so good,

“Nah,” plopping the candy into his mouth, making her frown in complete frustration with this ever confusing man that was probably around the same age as her dad - that more acted as a child. 

Daryl couldn't help but be amused by her pouting. He knew she was upset but he was left with no other choice. And the way she looked when she got mad was the most adorable thing he'd seen. Even though he knew he shouldn't - but he so badly wanted to see her frown with her soft features, see her wrinkle her nose and hear her whining that made his eyes roll back, imagining her beneath him.

What was this girl doing to him? 

As the last light dips beneath the horizon, Daryl spots a fighting spot by the edge of the forest. He drives them off road true the open grassland into the protection of tall pine trees. 

The engine hums into silence as Julia's eyes almost drift close. Daryl's voice stopping her from doing so,

"We'll stop here tonight.” Daryl informed. 

Julia yawned, “We aren’t there yet?” 

“Nah, common.”  Daryl's answers as he gathers his pack. "Let's set up camp so you can get some shut eye.”

“I’m not even tired,” Julia argues.

Setting up camp Julia began to feel a heavy sense of dread and she didn't understand way. Last night was no problem, neither was the night before, so why was today different?  

They arrange their sleeping bags after dinner. Daryl dimmed the lantern to its lowest setting, creating just enough light to not be swallowed by the night. 

The dark, the cold, and the vulnerability of being asleep all made Julia very uneasy. She couldn't help but fight sleep even though being terribly tired. The thought of possibly being woken by a living nightmare, like she had been in that car when she was taken, disoriented and frightened, and in the house she had thought it would be safe enough to rest. 

That happening again, struck a fear so deep she didn't know if she ever could be okay.

Julia stared into the darkness of the forest, tall trees surrounding them. But then she looked up and the sky was clistar clear, stars shining brightly, forming constellation after constellation. She counted them, like sheep before one fell asleep. Her mind calmed enough for her eyes to get heavy, her breathing slowed down until she finally drifted into a deep sleep that she hoped would take her far away from the fear of nightmares she had experienced and the heartache that troubled her so deeply.

–

Daryl watches over her as she sleeps soundly, protected by the warmth of the sleeping bag he was happy he could provide. He washes her face twitch and how the steady pace of her breathing moves her form up and down. Her face looked so peaceful, so beautiful and serene, without a care in the world. 

Her hair fell in her face making her frown. Daryl tucked the curls away, pooting the hair behind her ear. Soft. He gently caressed her cheek and just admired her there and the beauty she possessed. 

He could stare at her for hours and never get enuff.

–

Julia was woken by his warm touch on her face. 

His fingers gently dancing along her skin. They were lying on their sides, facing one another, gazing deeply into eachothers eyes. Her heart drummed in her ears, butterflies dancing in her stomach. And for the first time she smiled at him and he returned it just as softly as his thumb dragged along her lower lip, slow and gentle, making her close her eyes, and just focus on his touch.

The only man she would let her touch her like this was him, and only him, no one else.

Oh, how she had missed this. 

Missed him. 

And she was so happy. 

A soft giggle escaped her lips as she returned to deeply gazing up at him. Daryl Dixon, was the most beautiful man she had ever laid her eyes upon. There was this rare beauty in his deep blue eyes that looked so softly at her she feared she would melt. The way his hair curtend his dashing face and the way his stubble framed his jaw so handsomely and the lines of aging had her admiring each and every single one. 

Daryl watches her back, his blue eyes wandering across her face down her neck. He softly touched the bruise on her trout. Creating goosebumps there, making her shiver of simply his touch. She shuts her eyes for a moment and sighs contently as she lens into it.

His pupils are blown with desire, his jaw clenched and muscles tensing as if he’s trying to hold himself back, and he tells her, his voice deep and rubeling,

“You have no idea what you’re doing to me, do yah?”

And Julia simply smiles softly, before leaning up and presses her mouth to his cheek. His hand on her neck shot out, and she jolted when he pulled her in by cradling her head, leaning in and kissing her just like he did that night. Hungry and starving.

And oh, it was heavenly. 

Her hands fists his color as his tongue danced with hers, his other hand tilting her chin up to get better axes. His stubble tickled her, but she could care less. Because finely, finely, his lips had returned to hers and she wished for it to never stop. 

The warmth of Daryl’s body pressed against hers creates a safe haven, momentarily replacing the fears with the undeniable comfort he provides. The dread and the fear melts away, it feels like she can finally breathe without her heart strings being pulled.

His nose pressed into her skin as they kissed, and he spoke even though his lips weren't the ones talking. And she didn't understand. Then, when his lips began to fade and his face began to blur and the voice calling her name from some distant place, repeatedly calling for her as she was shaken. She opened her eyes, meeting his ocean blues staring down on her newly woken form, as she was blinking past the wetness in her eyes.

“Hey, hey.” He soothed softly, worry covering his features and Julia realized she had been crying, but it had been tears of joy, of happiness. But being met with the reality it had all been just a dream, more felt like it was breaking her heart. Because it had been too good to be true. What she had longed for to be real. And she knew he would never reciprocate those feelings, touch her that way, nor kiss her like her heart aced for so terebully.

Now real tears did fall and the ace was once more heavy in her chest. She tried to blink them all away, but the wetness just kept coming, making her cheeks raw and her vision blurry. She wished she could have more control of her emotions, but it was all too much, overwhelming her like it had never done before. She had never had such a vivid dream and woke up crying this way. And it didn't make it easier with him drying her tears away as he softly rubbed the back of her hand,

“Hey, hey. It was only a bad dream, you're okay. I got you. I got you.”

As her tears began to slow and she had calmed enough to speak, she took a shaky breath,

“It was a happy dream.”

He searched her face - then, “You’re crying,” Daryl stated, 

He had been terribly worried when he saw her serin face turn into her crying in her sleep. He had panicked, anxiety spiking as he shook her awake. Fearing she was reliving the horror she had been true. So he didn't understand when she told him ‘it was a happy dream’. 

One last tear fell and he wiped it away - watching how she closed her eyes as his thumb lingered there - simply because he couldn't handle seeing her sad. It crushed him in a way he didn't know he could feel. But then she looked deeply into his eyes, her brown eyes shining as she smiled sadly and she told him, 

“Because I wished it was real.”

Daryl froze at her words.

Her confession sent guilt spireling, digging into him deeply - a confession he knew the reason behind, because her eyes looked just as sad as they did that morning, when she had been so happy and he just went ahead and ruined it all.

This was why she was crying.

Because of him. 

Because of what he had said.

There was so much he wanted to say but he didn't know how to. To confess what he truly felt inside. But he was teribull with words. He would only mess up again, creating more harm than good. 

Julia lowered her eyes to turn away from him. She didn't know how much more of this she could take before it all became too much again. And there was shame in how she had dreamed of him in that way, like it was rong, just like he had said. Then before she could do so, he pulled her in by the waist into his arms,

“Come here,” he said softly. 

She was surprised but didn't shy away from his hand holding her lower back, pressing her body into his warm chest and her head beneath his chin. Her hand naturally fists his jacket as the other was curled into herself. His steady heartbeat and his calming breath soothes her until she falls asleep in his arms. 

Daryl woke up to sunlight. 

He didn't sleep as much as he should have. There had been too much on his mind keeping him awake. Julia was already awake, cooking them breakfast as she did her morning routine, fixing her hair for the day, and brushing her teeth. 

Finishing her second braid with a rosette of some white fabrike she continued to stir the oatmeal. Her hair looked longer this way and her aperens even softer, if that even was possible? Plaiting two portion of breakfast Daryl seated himself as she turned down the gas stove,

“You're up early,” he said and Julia handed him his plate, along with a spoon.

“Yah. I was so hungry I thought I was going to die if I didn't get up and make something.”

Daryl hummed and dug in. They both ate in a comfortable silence as the morning sun brightened up another day - though the noticeable chillier weather and natural light had become darker by each passing day. 

Julia rinsed the dishes in the nearby stream as Daryl packed up the truck for their continued journey.

Silens was unending inside the car.

Julia was being avoidant, not once looking his way. It bothered him. She had been sad - and in the morning he had been naive and thought everything was going to be okay. But the way she looked far away through the window, he knew she was far from it. 

She didn't draw nor write that he knew she liked to spend her time doing. She just started with a map in her lap, with that look in her eyes. He wanted to do something, but didn't know how to, it felt like he never did.

Hours passed on. Daryl drifted away in his own thoughts as julias gaze never left the window.

Boredom eventually makes Julia move her attention from the tree's speeding bay and opens the glove compartment, finding a cassette. She studies it in her hands before putting it back. As she reaches forward to do so, Daryl stops her.

“Let’s hear it,” he encourages. “Could be something worth listening to.”

Julia gives him an unsure look. Hesitating before she puts it into the player. Daryl presses play and turns up the volume. The car fills with tons of an old song he hasn't heard since his mother was alive. 

‘Love will abide, take things in stride.

Sounds like good advise

But there's knowone there by my side’

He leans back in his seat, his left hand on his thigh, tapping along to the all familiar rhythm as he sighs in content.

Julia thinks he doesn't like the music that's playing and moves to turn it off.

“Oh, no wait,” he stops her, “No, leave it. Leave it. Oh this is good. This is Linda Ronstadt. Do you know who Linda Rondstadt is?”

“Yeah, I’ve listened to some of her songs.” Julia finally says, “This is my favorite song of hers.”

Daryl hums, smiling as a memory pups up in his head. He rarely remembered good things of his childhood but he could clearly remember his mom singing along as she did laundry in the summer sun. It was before she had turned to drinking wine, when she still smiled and still sang - wearing that yellow sundress she always wore in the summer, that his father didn't approve of, due to his jealous tendencies and her beauty that had everyone turning their heads. 

God, his mother was beautiful. 

She will forever be the most beautiful woman he’ll ever see. But from the moment Julia passed true the prison gates - there it was. That familiar beauty he couldn't put his finger on, but it was there and he had tried to deny it. Now being with her, he knew, and there was no denying. So he simply admired her from afar, quietly, or at least tried to. 

He would not put his feelings into words, because there were not enuff words that could possibly be enuff, no words that would do her justice. Neither would he be close - like he craved for so badly. The only exception had been last night. He had to, because he couldn't handle her sadness, the tears in her eyes. He was in agonizing pain, because he knew if he gave in like he had done, he would only hurt her, maybe even lose her. He didn't know how, but he knew good things never last for him. Not for Dixons. It never had.

Song after song played in the care. Julia didn't seem as sad nor quiet. She seemed to forget her sadness as she mindlessly sang along the country tunes. It was as if she had forgotten he was there or maybe she wasn't aware she was singing? But he didn't care. Her voice was so beautiful he never wanted her to stop.

The last song comes to an end, the car was once more smothered in humming from the engine.

Julia washes a distance hurd endlessly walks true overgrown fields in the horizon. He notices the change in her demeanor. He worries the sadness in her eyes had returned, that he could no longer distract it with music that had seemed to work so well. But then Julia lens back in her seat to lock true the wind shield and she is the one that asked him a question and even though it's isn't much it’s something and she asks him,

“What if we don’t find them? What if they're gone?”

“We're gonna find them.” He tells her matter of factly.

“How do you know?” 

“I’m persistent.” 

And Julia knew that he was a very capable man. He was a tracker after all. This was what he did best. But she couldn't help but to feel this doubt the closer they were, fearing she would yet again get her hopes up only to be left disappointed. To be left with the dread, of what would be the point of going on, what would be her purpose in life, her driving force if not she could save humanity and make everything right.

“And what if they're not in Pittsburgh?”

“We continue west. Wyoming.”

Julia nods, tracing their way west from highway 70 to 76. It would be a long drive, maybe 25h, but she prefers that then walking true six states that would take them months.

“So, we're in Wyoming then?”

“Somewhere close to Cody.” Daryl tells her and Julia begins to look at the state maps to get a closer look. And when she locates it with her finger, Daryl senses her question,

“If we don't find them there, the odds are they will be holding up in another hospital in a nearby city. Ain’t to many of ‘em in Wyoming.”

Julia hums with her eyes on the map, “Chee-Yen,” She tries to word one of the cities.

“Cheyenne.” Daryl corrects her.

“Che-” she begins "really?" Daryl looks at her and nods in confirmation. 

Julia continues naming the cities, “Cheyenne…Laramie…Casper–  Julia puts down the map book in her lap, her hands resting on top of it, “Way are you doing all of this?”

Daryl looks at her, taken back by her straightforward question. And he didn't know what to say. Or more, how to say it.

“Seems like the right thing is all.” 

Julia studies him, something is different, she can feel it, but she was so curious remembering how he had been so dismissive of this in the beginning. When he told her to forget it, that it would get her killed in the end.

“What do you mean?”

And Daryl wished for her to stop asking questions. To stop being so curious. Even though he had been the one that had longed for conversations in their smothered silence.

“You know.” He simply told her. As if it would shut her up before she would find out the real reason, his deepest truth that needed to be kept from her.

“What?” She pushed on and Daryl relents with the half hearted truth,

“I thought it was nuts. But then…

“Then?” She prompts eagerly.

Daryl sighs softly as he squints against the midday sun, “Then your scar convinced me I guess. That it’s real. And I believe youre doing the right thing… That maybe… a cure is possible.”

His confession made her smile brightly at him, and he thought for a moment time had stopped. He wanted to kiss her, stroke her soft cheeks, feel her pigtail braids between his fingers. His heart beating so hard against his chest he worried she could hear it.

“You really believe I’m doing the right thing?” She asked, hope glittering in her eyes.

“Yah,” he said earnestly, making Julia's heart swell. 

"Yah it is,” she echoed,  “I’m gonna make it right again, for the ones we lost. I want to give people a chance. That’s all I want… Do you think that’s too much to ask for?”

“No,” he said. Because anything she asked for was his life mission. Seeing her like this, with hope in her eyes and a peace in her smile he couldn't feel anything but to do right by her.

Pt.8 Masterlist

[ohmyeyesmyeyes]

social media shy

f!potterer!reader x quinn hughes

warnings: swearing

(sidenote: qhuggyhes is quinn's private account - only mentioned once)

liked by analuisacorrigan and 25,145 others

ynofficial: holy mac'n' cheeseballs i'm gonna be in vogue

view all comments

fan1: *takes deep breath* I'M SO PROUD OF YOU

fan2: no more gatekeeping, only girlbossing

fan3: we must gatekeep her from the stinky men though

fan4: you're so beautiful

fan5: i actually can't wait

liked by jackhughes and 34,136 others

ynofficial: can someone get me a cat? i'm in desperate need of a housemate that purrs when cuddled. a cat would also keep me company in this big apartment

view all comments

fan6: my grandma's cat just had kittens and she's in vancouver if you're interested?

ynofficial: ooh yes please!

fan7: what's wrong with your current housemate?

ynofficial: he smiles and falls asleep on me and leaves vancouver for work often :/

fan8: what's wrong with a smile?

ynofficial: it makes me like him even more that's what's wrong

liked by _quinnhughes

qhuggyhes: please don't play the guilt card i WILL fold

liked by ynofficial

fan9: repping lana as we should

ynofficial: the one and only

liked by drewstarkey and 33,197 others

ynofficial: meet harley!! she's so adorable i just want to cry...also she's an incredibly annoying bedmate at times (but she's cute so i'll let her off)

view all comments

fan10: you're a crazy cat lady now, welcome to the club

ynofficial: i'm honoured

fan11: i'm assuming harley is the cat?

ynofficial: your assumption would be correct yes

trevorzegras: and harley is YOUR cat?

ynofficial: stfu yes

jackhughes: i see what you did there. clever.

ynofficial: idk what you're talking about

fan12: why the sudden influx of nhl players?

fan13: i don't even know who any of them are

ynofficial: neither do i

liked by lhughes_06 and 42,192 others

ynofficial: i want you to know i take being a cat mother very seriously and that i'm going to start referring to home as HQ for personal reasons

view all comments

lhughes_06: HQ being harley and...

ynofficial: you used to my favourite

lhughes_06: what am i now?

ynofficial: on thin ice

fan14: pretty sure luke hughes has a brother called quinn

fan15: yeah he does

fan16: quinn is in the second photo and i think the last?

fan17: wait does hq = harley/quinn????

_quinnhughes has added to their story

liked by analuisacorrigan, zoeydeutch and 53,971 others

ynofficial: new 'dainty florals' set on the market!

view all comments

fan18: are you on the market too?

fan19: LMAO no

fan20: i'm analysing her hands now

fan21: POV you're here bc of that twitter thread

fan22: me

fan23: the moon mug is giving fairy garden and i love it

liked by ynofficial

liked by lhughes_06, bradytkachuk and 78,182 others

_quinnhughes: been busy lately

view all comments

fan24: babe we all know *wink wink*

fan25: that's definitely y/n

fan26: quinn rn: sorry i haven't been posting i've been having a lot of sex

fan28: everyone knows

jackhughes: and i'm still patiently waiting

liked by _quinnhughes, _eliaspettersson and 61,513 others

ynofficial: congrats on your-

view all comments

fan29: -record breaking of 263 games to assist 200 times?

liked by ynofficial

jackhughes: 🐔

ynofficial: bet

fan30: even the fucking cake is canucks themed

lhughes_06: if you don't i will

ynofficial: it's cute you think i'll let myself be blackmailed

fan31: it's impossible for it not to be quinn at this point

liked by ynofficial, trevorzegras and 71,480 others

_quinnhughes: i was told to say 'alexa play cornelia street' as a caption

view all comments

bradytkachuk: you're so whipped

liked by _quinnhughes

fan32: this is literally the same place y/n posted in her last post

jackhughes: TAG HER

fan33: jack losing his patience is all of us rn

_quinnhughes went live 3 minutes ago!

liked by ynofficial, _quinnhughes and 89,134 others

jackhughes: because these two IDIOTS are refusing to actually do anything about it, i'm taking the matter into my own hands for my and your mental health. this is ynofficial and _quinnhughes and they are 100% dating and 1000% in love to the point where it actually melts me. thank you and good night

view all comments

lhughes_06: i didn't think you'd ACTUALLY do it

jackhughes: do not underestimate me

_quinnhughes: and then you wonder why luke is y/n's favourite

fan34: WE THANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE!!!!

liked by jackhughes

ynofficial: i hate you

jackhughes: you wish you did 😘😘 

fan35: i love how y/n and quinn are so private that the only way their relationship would ever get exposed is if someone did it for them

fan36: fr they fit each other so well

fan37: THEY! ARE! PARENTS!

fan38: omg y/n has a harley and a quinn in her life

fan39: HQ makes sense now

[1427]

When the Levee Breaks (pt. 5)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

Story Summary: The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her, right?

Chapt Setting: The Farm/Woods

Chapt Warnings: pretty explicit drug use (meth), season 2 Daryl, degrading/sexist language (he’s starting to get better lol), SOPHIA CHAPTER (I think that deserves a warning)

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Daryl’s POV story. Daryl’s starting to be less of a dick, trying really hard to make it feel organic/make it make sense in the story. Idk. This chapter was really rough to write because… it made me sad. Also have no idea if it even makes sense (the hallucination bit, really hope it does) lol ALSO; I looked up some timeline stuff and i just?? Really thought Daryl was out there for days on his own? But apparently he wasn’t? We’re just gonna say that he is in this story. 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can only do so much when the timeline of TWD is fucking stupid sometimes. (I mean it. Come for me. Idc. Rick was in a coma for 59 days without food or water???!?!!!? Bye)

masterlist

17+ mdni (no smut in this one tho sorry)

Like fiberglass in my veins, it tears through me. Mellow, at first, almost think I should rail more before I can feel myself sweatin’. Different kinda sweat, comin’ from my fuckin’ soul. 

Haven’t felt like I was doin’ something ‘wrong’ since I was little. That feeling that ch’ya get when you’re doin’ somethin’ ya know you’re not s’possed to. This ain’t the first time I done spazz, but maybe it’ll be the last. The anxiety about doin’ it goes away the second I feel the devil kick me through my nose to the back of my brain. Even though I know it’s comin’, it always feels like gettin’ skullfucked by satan. 

Been out here for a day. I brought Merle’s shit with me because I decided to finally get rid of it somewhere. But I got somethin’ that needs doin’. And anyway, I got years of experience with ice. Not doin’ it. Sometimes doin’ it. Never let Merle know, he’d’ve made some big whoop ‘bout it. And everytime he’d gone and done more than he remembered, he woulda blamed me. Shit though, sometimes it was. 

M’not like Merle and Beatle. Ain’t an addict. Can do shit and put it down. Always been able to put it down. Figured other people could too, that they just didn’t wanna. ‘m not sure, but still kinda think that. 

Never felt fuckin’ guilty about it before, though. Fuckin’ Beatle. I’unno if it’s cuz I’d be done with her if she did the same shit, or if it’s cuz I know if she knew that I was - she’d be mad at me. Mad I didn’t invite ‘er. 

But this shit ain’t for fuckin’ playtime. Only reason ‘m even doin’ it i’so I can find Sophia. So I can stay awake, focus, and get ‘er back. They use ta use this shit in war. War’s the reason methamphetamines even exist. Nazi’s? Hell, every single one of ‘em in WWII. Kamikazi’s loaded up, totally fuckin’ wasted outta their minds on crystal while they bolted ‘em in. Kept ‘em awake, kept ‘em happy, kept ‘em focused on the mission. Tha’s what I gotta do. 

I can’t stop lookin’ til I find ‘er. Sophia. ‘m the only one that can, only one that knows how. And anymore, ‘m the only one that seems to give a shit. ‘Sides Carol. And Beatle. She wanted ta come. Told her she’d only slow me down. Distract me. Drawn more geeks. She woulda. Told her I didn’t need food either but she packed me some anyway. Knew I wasn’t gonna be hungry. Knew I was gonna use this dumb shit to help. But whatever. 

Doesn’t matter what happens to me, right? My life’s not worth nothin’, not compared to that little girl. Now that her old man’s outta the picture she actually got a chance. Maybe not mucha one, not the way shit is these days. But she got ‘er mom. And ‘er mom can actually be ‘er mom now. Not scared of some piece’a shit prick that finally got what was comin’ to ‘im. 

Man fuck that guy.

The trail I’m followin’ disappears so I backtrack to the mangroves where I found her doll and try to find another one. 

I start to wonder what kinda old man Beatle had. What kinda mom? Startin’ ta realize I don’t know a damn thing about Beatle. I know she likes drinkin’, she likes laughin’, she likes fuckin’ with me. But… 

Beatle keeps surprisin’ me. Not just because she let me hump her face a few days ago, the fact that she liked it, shit I haven’t even had a second to process that. Nah, more cuz she hasn’t brought it up. Hasn’t tried to hold my hand again. Hasn’t been annoyin’ me nearly as much. Not even at all, if ‘m honest. 

My brain’s goin’ a million miles a fuckin’ second over Beatle and what happened between us. Not just the other night, but back then. Got questions that need answerin’ but she ain’t here. Try to keep myself occupied with trackin’ but it ain’t like trackin’ takes much thinkin’. Follow every trail I pick up, but none of ‘em lead me to Sophia. 

I’d prob’ly start gettin’ really frustrated about this, but that’s what crystals good for. All the dopamine I need, and nothin’s annoyin’. Focus.

✨🏹 

Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, walker guts. Trees and rocks and blood and mud and dirt and greens and browns and reds and blacks. And it’s dark and it’s light and it’s dark. And it smells fuckin’ rotten. Bent branches, wilted leaves, another trail, another dead end, another undead shithead. Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, Beatle. 

How many times did I go into Merle’s bag and take the devils dick up my nose? Cuz Beatle’s standin’ here right in front of me. ‘Cept she’s all done up in makeup and glitter and her pupils are the size of dimes. Little pink crop top, tiniest pair’a daisy dukes I ever seen. ‘n she’s in my face sayin’ the shit I been thinkin’ about her sayin’ since that day she said it. 

“I like you, Dar.” 

“You like bein’ fucked up more.” I say it like I said it the last time. 

“That’s not true! I mean - I like you, Daryl.” She steps closer, tries to put her hand on my cheek before I brush her off. She slumps back a little, turning away. “You like me, too. You said it.” 

My hearts in my fuckin’ throat and I’m standin’ there, this can’t be fuckin’ happening. I know is’not but doesn’t make it feel any less real. “Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle.” 

Hate that I said that to ‘er. Did I really say that? Cuz maybe that’s how I felt. Hell, maybe that’s how I felt last week. But it ain’t fair. I don’t know her. Still. Now. Don’t know ‘er at all. Thought I did. Thought I understood what kinda girl did those kindsa things. Is that really what I said? Fuck.

She’s still turned away from me, but I walk the half circle around to look at her face. And she’s sobbing. Silently, trying to stay as still as possible. I… I don’t remember this part. Maybe I didn’t see it? Nah, I saw it. Just didn’t care. Didn’t wanna look at ‘er. Didn’t want to hear her lame ass confession. Especially after she’d brought up that I told ‘er I liked ‘er. She sniffles and wipes her face before she pulls a bubble pipe out of the waistband of her shorts and lights the bottom, starts smokin’ it. She asks if I want a hit, like last time. 

I go to say no, but the words don’t come out. Instead my hand reaches for it. I look back up and Beatle’s dressed all different. Baggy jeans and a bikini top. That night. Fuck. Shit. I don’t want to relive that night. 

“I promise, I won’t tell Merle.” She says, handing me her lighter. And I smoke it. Inhaling the vapor slowly like she had. “You gotta sip at it, like it’s a coffee and you’re drinking the air to see if it’s still too hot. Roll the bowl or it will burn.” I do it the way she says. She’s like ten years younger than me, but she looks at me - talks to me like it don’t matter. Like she don’t see it that way. Guess I don’t either, never really did. 

I’d never wanted to smoke it before. But that night I wanted to. With her. Woulda done anything she’d asked that night ‘fore she ruined it. I ruined it. Til it got all fucked up an’ it was never the same again. Not the way I saw her, not the way she looked at me. 

I’m goin’ through memories like they’re happening all over again. Feelin’ fuckin’ sick. I don’t wanna remember this. 

I hand the pipe back to her and she asks, “How do you feel?” 

“Fine.” 

“Just fine?” She smiles. 

“Good.” I clarify. 

“Good.” 

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “I think I like you, Beatle.” 

She laughs too hard, “you think?” I feel myself getting sicker and angry again all at once. 

I split in half. One half feelin’ those same feelings I felt. That this conceited fuckin’ bitch really acts like everyone likes her. I hear her words and it sounds like she’s sayin’ ‘well obviously’ - but the other halfa me hears it like a real question. Like she wanted ta know what I meant. I don’t remember how I responded then, but I can hear myself say it, “Self-obsessed cunt.” 

Beatle laughs, “Is that what you like about me?” 

My misunderstanding continues; Thought she was pickin’ on me. Makin’ funna me. All these years. All this time. Thought she was fuckin’ laughin’ at me. Never told a girl I liked her. Not that I never did like one, just never told ‘em. Not like some teenage fuckin’ confessional. And I do and what?  she just laughs.  

Shit. 

Cuz inside ‘m screaming. Screamin’ at myself ta say somethin’ different. To jus’ tell her. She’s special, she’s exciting, and when she smiles at the shit I say it makes me feel like I’m the only one in the fuckin’ world to her. Tha’s what she wants ta here. Tha’s why she’s askin’. 

“Nah. Forget it.” She nods, and I thought she did forget it.  She forgot until she brings it up again in the memory I already re-lived. 

Tha’s how I was so damn sure she didn’t give a single shit about if I liked her or not. Didn’t bring it up again for months. Didn’t give a single shit about me at all. Felt stupid for ever thinkin’ she might. Just a dumb crush on a dumb girl, and I forgot everything about it. An’ every little thing she did that made me like ‘er ended up as somethin’ else I hated.  And every time I saw her after that she was fucked up on somethin’. Meth or booze or weed. Usually all three. 

It comes at me like a fuckin’ freight train, her lips crashing into mine, but this time I want it. Don’t wanna stop kissin’ ‘er. Instead my arms move and I push her down to the ground. She’s wearing the crop top again, can tell she’d been cryin’. She’s layin’ there in the rocks lookin’ up at me and I flash back to the living room where this happened, where she’d told me she liked me back. I wanna beat the shit outta myself for makin’ her look like that. 

How didn’t I see it? 

I did see it. I just didn’t care. Thought I knew what kinda girl did those kinds’a things. 

Wonderin’ what kind of old man she had. What kinda boyfriends before she met me. How maybe she’s just as fuckin’ scared’a feelin’ stuff as I am. How maybe it took her months to even get up the courage to tell me after I’d told ‘er never mind and slowly started to hate her. How many’a those drinks were for courage? How many’a those hits were cuz she was nervous?

Shit. 

And she’s runnin’ away like she did then. Away from me an’ outta my life until a few weeks ago. I know it ain’t real but I run after her anyway. Screamin’ her name into the open air like maybe somehow I can change it if I can get her to come back. But she’s gone and ‘m still running tryin’ to find her. Screaming for her ‘til my throats hoarse. 

‘Til the walkers hear me. 

✨🏹

Andrea fuckin’ shot me. What is wrong with this fuckin’ group?

✨🏹

Beatle’s in the bedroom with me but I can’t look at ‘er. Don’t wanna. Feels like she knows what I was doin’ out in them woods without ‘er. Like she can see the dirty shit in my soul and for some reason it makes me ill. Can’t look at ‘er. Knowin’ I hurt ‘er like that all that time ago. Knowin’ it now like I ain’t ever known anything else. 

It’s just me ‘n her and she doesn’t try to talk to me. Just lets me lay there hatin’ myself for all of it. Didn’t even find Sophia. 

Spent a lot of my days in my life hatin’ myself. Thinkin’ I was good for nothin’. Now ‘m sure of it. 

I feel the bed move under the weight of her. She hugs herself around me, and like some pathetic kid I fuckin’ cry. Don’t know if she can tell or not but she tries comforting me anyway. “It’s okay, Dar. You did your best.” Her voice… how could I have ever thought it was annoying? Her bein’ so nice just makes me hate myself more. 

“Lea‘me alone, Beatle.” Shakin’ her arm out from around me. She gets off the bed and sits back in the chair she’d been in. God, I fuckin’ hate myself. Wanna scream No, come back. I didn’t mean it. 

Still got question’s that need answerin’. This time Beatles right here, and I ain’t got nothin’ to lose. “Why were you naked in Merle’s room?” Grateful that she’s sittin’ behind me. Don’t think I could talk to ‘er ‘bout this stuff if she was lookin’ at me. Right now? If I saw her face? Don’t think I could talk at all. 

She laughs. Fuck her stupid fuckin’ laugh. “I still can’t believe you think I fucked around with Merle.” 

“Why not? Y’all hung out every other day.” My voice is sharp, feels like she’s laughin’ at me again. Always feels like everyone’s laughin’ at me. 

“We all hung out every other day, Dar.” 

“Stop callin’ me tha’.” 

“I was carpet surfing. Your dumbass brother spilled all the schkag all over the damn place.” 

Oh…. But, “Ya didn’t have any clothes on.” 

“I never had any clothes on, Daryl. You sure I wasn’t just wearing something ‘slutty’? You know, like you always said I was? Cuz I don’t remember, but I’ve never been naked with Merle. Ever. Sounds fuckin’ gross.”

Oh. 

It made sense. Makes so much sense, ‘specially now. She keeps talkin’ an’ ‘m grateful cuz if I tried to say anything else I’d start fuckin’ cryin’ again. “I liked you, man. I…” she stops herself. Wanna beg her to keep goin’ but I can’t. 

Instead I ask ‘er the only question I got left, “Why’d ya leave, then? Ya left ‘n ya never came back.” 

She’s silent for a long time. “When you and Merle moved, where’d you go?” 

She did come back. 

“Why’d ya leave, Beatle?” Doesn’t matter where Merle and I went. She’s avoidin’ the question. 

“Got sober. After that night… with you. Wanted to get sober. Wanted to…” she don’t say the rest but she don’t need to. I got it. Fuck, my heart can’t take it. 

“Cuz I said ya liked gettin’ fucked up more than ya liked me.” It ain’t a question. I know. 

“Think it was more the other thing you said.” 

Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle. I can still taste the words. “Shouldn’t’a said that to ya.” My voice is barely a whisper. 

She gets back up on the bed and puts her arm around me again, this time I don’t shake her away. Her voice, so close to my ear, “I didn’t want to tell you that I came back. I didn’t want you to know that I got sober for you.” 

What? “Why not?” 

“Wasn’t sure you’d care. And if you did… I didn’t want you to have all the what-ifs in your head that I have in mine.” 

She hugs herself into me so tight it’s hard to breathe, and she tells me, “It doesn’t matter anymore.” 

I feel guilty, can’t take any of that back. Can’t make any of it better. I don’t deserve this. Her. After all the nasty shit I ever thought about her. After what I did to her the other night. I can’t bring myself to tell her to leave cuz I know she wants to be here. Don’t wanna make her cry again. 

So I let her hold me. Even though I don’t fuckin’ deserve it. 

[profoundbondfanfic]

More Than One Ace to Play

More Than One Ace to Play by Cozaure Rating: Teen and Up Word Count: 57k

Cas, a 3rd-year biology student, is an introverted and very anxious guy. Full of insecurities, he doesn't need to add one more thing to worry about in his life (and certainly not his potential "asexuality"). However, one day, he meets Dean at a poker night his roommate Balthazar is hosting. Dean is Cas’ exact opposite : easy-going, confident, funny… and also, very flirty. They keep bumping into each other around the campus and, somehow, every time Cas is with Dean, all of his worries seem to go away… However, when Cas learns about Dean’s reputation as “the master of one-night stands”, he is certain that they are DEFINITELY ABSOLUTELY not compatible. Or, are they?

We’re back at it with another college AU. More Than One Ace to Play caught my eye thanks to the asexual!Cas tag. Always on the lookout for any ace rep, this fic didn’t disappoint even a little. One of the things I loved about it was how much it embraced Cas’s journey with figuring out his sexuality beyond knowing for sure that he’s gay. Not only does he come to terms with who he is, but he does so all while battling his anxiety, the portrayal of which I found accurate and compelling with the way the author wrote it. 

This story is told from Cas’s POV, but with that comes a great depiction of Dean as an easy-going college student, living a pretty damn good life when he meets Cas at poker night. The magic of fanfic finds them volunteering for the same program where they are immediately paired up as partners hosting afternoon activities and tutoring with young kids. They become fast friends and even though Cas doubts it at every turn, we the reader can tell Dean is interested in being more than just friends with Cas, even if they think it’s for different reasons. You can’t help but fall for Dean a little too, when he stumbles his way through asking Cas out on a date that Cas is convinced isn’t a date. You feel for Cas as his anxiety dictates his doubt in Dean’s flirting, and, as tagged, Dean’s constant winks. When they finally figure it all out, you’ll be just as relieved and delighted at the outcome, a very satisfying happy ending you shouldn’t skip. 

[torialefay]

☀️ Everyday Idol 🌙 (Chapter 3)

✨ head on over to my masterlist if you haven’t read chapters 1 & 2!

✨possible bangchan x reader (f), possible jungkook x reader (f)

✨wc: 4.3k

✨ friends to lovers? possible love triangle? future angst and smut??? definitely fluff.

✨ summary: JYP Entertainment launches a new show and y/n somehow gets recruited. Even though she doesn’t particularly care about the outcome of the show, she does particularly care about one of the artists she met: Chris from Stray Kids. Does Chris feel the same or will a potential relationship with one of his friends overcome what y/n feels for him?

✨ author’s notes: pls pls pls let me know if you’d prefer shorter, more frequent chapters like this one, OR longer chapters posted about once per week. i’m heavily debating lol

✨ warnings: cursing from time to time.

Previous Chapter Recap:

Dang, another instagram notification. Maybe Jungkook WAS really into you. You tapped to open the chat again.

gnabnahc: Hey! I know this is random, but if you have any time tomorrow, could you meet me in my studio? I’ll be around in the morning and at lunch after hair & makeup. If you have time of course, I understand if not. I just wanted to talk to you about something.

‘Good fucking God,’ your heart dropped. “Anna… I need you. NOW!” you screamed.

——————————————————————————————————

Y/n’s POV:

Anna quickly bolted into the bathroom, thinking you’d accidentally cut yourself shaving or something. She was determined not to let you bleed out. Med student to the rescue!

When she arrived, she was surprised to see you totally fine, but also totally naked, sitting on the lid of the toilet.

“Okay… WHY?” She looked down at you, eyebrows raised.

“Just come here,” you motioned for her with your arm. You extended your phone out for her to grab it.

“This is some Hollywood movie shit,” she laughed, handing the phone back to you.

“This isn’t funny!” you exclaimed. “What in the hell am I supposed to do?”

“Well do you want to see him?”

“Duh.”

“Then you’re going to find a way to see him. Just tell him you can’t in the morning and that you can late into lunch.”

“Yeah, only one problem. I’m supposed to be meeting Jungkook for lunch,” you rolled your eyes, now wondering if she had paid attention at all to your prior conversation.

“Okay, so tell Jungkook beforehand that you don’t have much time because of your schedule, and then go meet Chan. Who says you can’t have it all?” she grinned, raising one eyebrow.

‘Okay, good plan. Solid plan,’ you thought. ‘Unless…’

“Okay but I don’t know how close Chan & JK are. What if JK is telling him that we’re getting lunch together? Then I just look like a two-timing bitch.”

“Alright, and how do you know that JK hasn’t already told him and Chan is going behind his back?” ‘Ain’t no way he’d do that,’ you thought. “I’m just saying, in all of your time with Chan, he never once mentioned JK. In all of our time with Changbin and Felix, they never brought him up either. I honestly don’t think they’re that close. Both of their fandoms would have figured it out by now if they are.”

‘Alright, let’s look,’ you thought, pulling your phone in front of your face again. You went to “X” (you still couldn’t get used to calling it that instead of Twitter) and typed in “jungkook bangchan”. Surely the detectives on here would know a thing or two. You scrolled and scrolled. A few tweets about the same thing- the 97 liners grabbing dinner together, but it was more than just the two of them. Not a single picture of them together otherwise. Not a story about seeing them together either. Maybe Anna had a point.

“Fuck it, I’m gonna do it,” you said, not knowing where your newfound confidence came from. Anna started giggling and took a quick seat beside you on the edge of the hotel’s bathtub.

Your fingers began to type quickly, not allowing yourself time to think. Or rather, overthink.

Hey Chris! I could stop by late after lunch? I’m not sure of a specific time yet, but I can text you later when I find out?

Send.

“Okay, it’s done,” you breathed out… You sat there for a moment, absorbing all of the feelings and trying to get the nerves out.

“Pinch me,” you said to Anna with a huff coming out from your bottom lip.

She reached over, laughing, nipping you in the arm. “I’m so happy for you I could cry,” she continued, keeping that same big smile on her face. “Butttt,” she leaned in closer and began to whisper, “whoever you don’t take, just remember I’m single.” She winked and you started to laugh, pushing her away.

“Whatever,” you said jokingly. “BUT I have to shower. Now I have two guys to impress.”

——————————————

Chan’s POV:

‘It’s alright Chris, don’t be nervous,’ he thought to himself, still planted in his studio chair. ‘The worst she can say is no. Well I guess she could laugh at it and tell all of her friends that you’re whipped. In which case, you’re fucked. But she wouldn’t do that, right?’

Chan’s mind got the best of him and he decided to start pacing. He needed to get his mind on something else… but what? His new song! Yes, his new song. He had been working on a hook and just couldn’t figure out where he wanted to go with it. ‘I need Jisung,’ he thought. He sent a quick text his way to see if he was busy. He couldn’t help but to re-read the message he had sent you. He clicked on your profile to view all of the pictures. Your dogs, your friends, your birthday party. He pictured what he would look like included in each photo. He let his mind wonder, looking at one photo in particular. You had been at the beach. He didn’t stick to that photo because of anything you were wearing. You were fully clothed. There was just something about it. The way your smile was lit up like you had not a worry in the world. The way the sun cast a golden color all over your beautiful face. The fact that the beach was Chan’s favorite. He thought about what it would be like to be there with you. Walking along the shore, getting to know you better. What was your family like? How did you like your eggs cooked? Where was your favorite place in the world? He let himself get lost in the scenario.

*BUZZ*

Your instagram username flashed across the top of his screen. He clicked as soon as he possibly could.

Y/n’s Instagram username:

Hey Chris! I could stop by late after lunch? I’m not sure of a specific time yet, but I can text you later when I find out?

‘Yes Chris, Yes! See, it was just a rumor. A dumb rumor. I mean JK would have told you since you were the reason they had met. He couldn’t possibly be that into her after meeting her for 2 minutes. You worried for no reason.’ He was elated. Ecstatic even. He looked down to his phone, stupid grin on his face.

‘Felix, you’re fucking dead for giving me a heart attack like that,’ he thought.

The little shit quit responding. ‘He’s got about 4 hours to text back before I get home and jump him.’ Chan thought. He sunk down into his chair. All of his excitement was now replaced with confusion. This was gonna be a longggg night in the studio.

——————————————————————

Felix’s POV:

“SUCK ON THAT!” Felix screamed sarcastically. He had spent the last 2 hours plopped on the couch next to Changbin. They made it a point to get together once a week, no matter how busy, to play a few video games together. Today’s choice: League. Felix lowkey kinda sucked, and he knew that. But he didn’t care because Binnie sucked even more.

“No, you suck on this,” Changbin yelled back, putting Felix in a headlock and giving him a noogie.

“Ah! Ah! Ahhhhh!” Felix screamed for help, trying not to die laughing. “Someone help me!” he yelled, while grabbing at Changbin’s arms to rip him off. It was no use. No matter how much Felix flailed his body and thrashed left and right, Changbin’s hold was even tighter. Eventually, he ran out of energy and decided to just lie there. Changbin released him right after.

“So you admit defeat,” Changbin raised his eyebrow. Felix had a dazed look on his face, hair fluffed up from Bin’s relentless hand movements. He was just grappling for his breath back at this point.

“I’ll take that as a yes! Yay, next round!” Changbin said enthusiastically, turning back around to the tv.

‘Brain need oxygen. Can’t form word,’ Felix thought to himself. ‘Lol I can’t believe I just thought that. Felix you so silly.’ He smiled and focused his attention on the tv now too. Well, for a split second. Until Chan came barging in.

“Felix!” he called, like he was a tornado coming through the front door. He walked a few paces before setting foot into the living room. Felix just looked up with a puzzled expression on his face.

“Mate! Why did you do that?!” He walked over and snatched Felix’s controller from his hand.

“Damn, if you wanted to play, you just had to ask!” Felix said back seriously. You could see the annoyance growing louder on Chan’s face.

“Oh my gosh Felix. Your text, cunt!”

“My… OHHH my text,” he smirked while (horribly) trying to look inconspicuous.

“You better tell me what you know right now,” Chan threw his fist down. He was trying to “act” mad, but honestly he was really bad at acting. He actually was mad.

“I don’t know anything,” Felix smirked again. “I swearrrr. Don’t you trust me?” He smiled, squinting his eyes up at Chan with a suggestive look on his face.

“No I don’t, you little shit! Now tell me what you know!”

“Never!” Felix pouted.

“Tell me!”

“NO!”

“Tell me!”

“NOOO!”

“I will break this controller, don’t try me!”

“No you won’t.”

“Yes I will.”

“No you won’ttttt.”

“Yes I will.”

“Bet, do it then.”

Chan lifted the controller in the air and huffed out... “You’re right, I won’t.” He reached it back down to Felix.

Felix, now satisfied, took the controller and happily bobbed his head from side to side. “Thanks Channie-hyung!” he teased.

“Fuck off,” Chan retorted. ‘I hate being a father,’ Chan thought as he turned around to storm out. Once he was out the door, Changbin turned his body around to Felix.

“What don’t you know anything about?” Chanbin laughed.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Felix said with a flirty smile. “All I’m saying is it involved your mentee. That’s all, can’t talk about it anymore! New game, let’s go!” Felix avoided Changbin’s stares at all cost, fixating on the tv. Eventually Bin turned around to face it too, continuing on like nothing ever happened.

‘Fuck, that was close. Felix baby, you’ve gotta stop being so messy… Lmao who am I kidding, I love this shit.’

———————————————————————————————

Y/n’s POV: The next day

You arrived to the JYP building 10 minutes early to your professionalism training. You knew you would be able to see the finalized schedule first thing when you got there. All you knew so far was professionalism training at 9, hair and makeup, lunch, and begin shooting intros for the show. You had no clue how long each would take though.

You ran up in front of the big bulletin board posted outside of the conference room. You saw the agenda:

• 9:00 AM- Professionalism Training; Level 5 conference room

• 11:00 AM - 2:00 PM- Hair and Makeup; Level 7 shooting room; See list below for names and scheduled times

• 11:00 AM - 2:00 PM- Lunch break

• 2:00 PM- Shooting program material with mentors; Level 10 shooting rooms #1-5

• 8:00 PM- Dinner and drinks at Nine Mile Restaurant (see email for location and directions)

You quickly scrolled through the list of names below to see when you’d be scheduled for hair & makeup:

• Y/l/n, y/f/n: 11:00 AM

‘Fuck yeah,’ you thought. ‘Getting hair and makeup done first. It shouldn’t take over an hour, right? Surely not. They have new people scheduled for 12 and 1, so yeah, you’re good. No more than an hour.’ You quickly took your phone out to send a message to the 2 boys waiting to hear back from you.

To: abcdefghi__lmnopqrstuvwxyz

Hey, I should be good to go around noon today. Do you still want to meet me outside the JYP building?

SEND.

To: gnabnahc

I could meet you around 1-1:30 today? Does that work for you?

You let out a hot breath and headed into the conference room. There, you found Anna who had already walked in while you told her you’d check for both your names on the bulletin board. You saw a couple of other girls you had met as well through the night with Stray Kids. They were Seungmin and Han’s mentees. You had all instantly connected that night and you were excited to spend more time with them.

Once you were settled in, you gave into the gossip that everyone was discussing.

“Yeah, I heard her dad works for JYPE high up in marketing and that’s how she got in,” Sunnie whispered to the group.

“OMG I heard that too!” Anna bounced up and down. “I’m not even sure where I heard it from.”

“Literally same. I also heard that one of the new cast members was,” Kara leaned down low, “hooking up with Jungkook,” she giggled. You had to physically stop yourself from your jaw dropping on the floor. You were not SLEEPING with Jungkook. You hadn’t even had fucking lunch with him yet!

“OMG who?!” Sunnie questioned.

“I don’t know, it’s just what I heard some of the other girls saying. I don’t think anyone knows,” Kara added. “Which meanssss, we’re gonna have to keep an eye out for Jeon Jungkook ladies. See who the culprit is,” she laughed.

You and Anna looked at each other, trying to fake a laugh right along with them. You were sure she could see the panic in your eyes.

Suddenly, you heard a voice come over the speakers and the lights began to dim. ‘Let’s get this training over with.’

———— 3 hours later ————

Abcdefghi__lmnopqrstuvwxyz: Out front waiting on you :) I’ve got on a black mask and baseball cap in case you don’t recognize me. That’s kind of the point haha

y/n: On my way down!

Your nerves were starting to get to you, but you tied them down. This was just two people getting lunch after all. That’s literally it. Plus, why would you be nervous anyway? You were the one that made a great first impression anyway. He was the one who had something to prove.

Plus, not to brag, but you looked damn good. The hair and and makeup department definitely knows what they’re doing.

*DING*

You arrived at the ground floor and quickly made your way out of the main exit. You scanned your head first to the right, looking for a black cap, then to the left. The problem was… There were like 10 of them.

‘Fucking hell, why does everyone have to dress the same?’ you thought. You wondered off to the left, seeing if you could get a better look. Suddenly, a black figure appeared next to you. You turned to see a bright-eyed Jungkook, mask covering the lower half of his face, stood straight and proud with the most beautiful bouquet you’d ever seen. Pinks, purples, blues, greens. All of your favorite colors incorporated into one. Was this a sign?

“Y/n! Hi! I brought these for you,” you couldn’t see his mouth, but by how scrunched up his eyes got, you assumed he was smiling.

“Oh my goodness, they’re beautiful! You didn’t have to do that!” You smiled up at him and went in for a side hug. Surprisingly, it wasn’t even awkward. Jungkook just gave off such a charming, confident vibe.

“I wanted to. I saw them and automatically thought of you.” You blushed down into the bouquet you were now holding.

“You’re too sweet,” you flashed the biggest grin. ‘Okay, so maybe he’s better than I thought.’ “Where do you want to go?”

“How do you feel about bibimbap?”

“I love it!” You’d only had it once, but you assumed you’d still love it. “But just so you know, I really don’t have that much time today. I need to try to be back in an hour or so.”

“I completely understand. I’m just happy you could pencil some time in for me,” his hand grazed the side of yours, sending a shock up your arm. “I was gonna say that my favorite bibimbap place is right around the corner and I’d love to take you there.”

“Sounds good to me! Let’s go!”

He had a smile painted across his face looking down at you with the pretty flowers in your hand. You were just as beautiful as he remembered. “Follow me. And hold on to me if you need to. Wouldn’t want you getting lost in this crowd,” he chuckled, giving you a wink.

Your heart fluttered. Why was it fluttering?

Jungkook turned to lead you around the street. It was pretty packed, but what else would you expect in the middle of Seoul at lunch time. You could tell that JK was looking down slightly, making sure he didn’t get recognized. You ended up actually reaching to hold onto the back of his coat to make sure you didn’t get separated. You weren’t about to fight your way through the crowd to get a view of every Korean man currently wearing a black coat, hat, and mask. It would take all day.

You both made your way down the busy street, finally able to squeeze next to each other and talk about how your day was going so far. You know, all the basic boring stuff that you had to get out of the way. You soon reached a set of narrow, tall stairs almost hidden away.

“This way,” Jungkook said, taking the first step up. You looked down to see how tall the stairs were and mannnn you thought you were going to have to catapult yourself up.

Jungkook saw the hesitancy in your eyes and quickly leaned the upper half of his body down, holding one hand out for you to grab onto. You graciously took it, as he slowly ascended, making sure you followed him every step of the way. Once you reached the top, you finally jumped up onto the platform of the restaurant, now pressed right up to JK. He still had your hand in his.

“Nice job for a first timer,” he joked, squeezing your hand before he gently put it down and let it go. It was one of the most tender things you’d ever felt. He was handling you with such care.

You followed him as he walked a few steps to the door. He opened it for you and let you step inside first. Your eyes took a moment to focus as you acclimated to the new atmosphere. ‘It’s dark…’ you thought to yourself, eyes now tuning in. ‘And damn, it’s NICE.’ You looked around the the swanky bar to the left, wall topped off with liquors you kne you’d never afford in your lifetime- even on a doctor’s salary. Black tablecloths covered each table, with booths being tucked away into walls. Candles were the main source of the lighting and made for a seductive atmosphere.

“Hello, I had a reservation for Jeon Jungkook,” JK told the host at the stand on the right. She was beautiful, in formal all black attire and long, black hair.

“Of course. Right this way,” she stepped out from behind her podium and led you both to a booth at the far back of the restaurant. It was tucked out of the way, no other tables reaching beyond it. No one would have a reason to walk this way unless delivering food to the table directly.

“Will this do?” she looked to Jungkook.

“It’s perfect, thank you,” he smiled as she left.

“Here, let me help you,” he reached out to you, gently taking your flowers and setting them on the far side of one of the booth’s benches. He walked behind you to grab onto one arm of your coat, allowing you to slip out easily. He held onto the coat and placed it next to the flowers.

“Watch out, it’s a step up,” he said, reaching for your hand. What is up with all these steps?

You looked into his eyes, silently thanking him for the thoughtfulness, while taking his hand. He led you over the two steps to the table and held tightly as you took the step up and over. Once you were settled in, he looked satisfied and took his place on the opposite side.

The rest of the meal was a whirlwind. You learned so many things about him. First, that he is an absolute devourer of bibimbap. Second, that he was actually really funny and down to earth… Charming too, but were you really going to admit that? Third, he actually had a super cute, bunny-like smile that popped up every time he caught you staring at him for too long.

You actually got along very well. ‘What a pleasant surprise,’ you thought. Conversation was just so easy with him. Maybe you didn’t get into the deep stuff with him like you did with Chan, but so what? This was only lunch. What did you expect him to do, give you his entire life story? He oozed confidence and playfulness, something you were envious of. Maybe, after more time with him, you thought you could learn to have those qualities as well.

You were both laughing over a story of how you accidentally cursed at someone in Korean on your second day here when all of a sudden, your phone lit up. 1:02 PM. Dang, it went by that fast?

“I think I’m running out of time,” you looked down with puppy dog eyes, motioning him to look at your phone.

“Awww, it’s alright. We better get you back on time though. The last thing I need is someone from JYP on my ass,” he laughed.

A small laugh left your mouth too as you both moved to exit the booth. He helped you put your coat back on and placed the flowers back into your hands. He grabbed 3 bills of 50,000 won out of his wallet, and placed it on top of the bill on the table. ‘Damn, this man’s a good tipper.’

“Here,” you scrambled to grab your own wallet out of your coat pocket. “At least let me pay half,” you started to take some money out.

“No, no y/n,” he grasped onto your forearm for a short moment. “Put your money up. Please. It’s on me.”

“Are you sure? I promise I don’t mind one bit to pay. Let me just-“ you stopped talking as you watched his eyebrows lift and his eyes get wide, small grin on his face as if saying “watch yourself now.” He was still holding tightly to your arm, not letting you lift it.

“Okay, okay,” you smiled, putting your wallet away. “But I owe you!”

He smiled at that. “Come on, let’s get you back.”

——————————————————

Chan’s POV:

He had been a nervous wreck thinking about seeing you. Thinking about what he should say in order for you to be interested in him. He knew through your messages to him that you’d be there closer to 1:15, so he made sure he’d get back in time.

He tried to calm his nerves by going out to grab an iced tea really quickly at a local shop. He couldn’t stomach any food- not right now. Once he finally got the chilly beverage in his hands, he walked his way back out into the cold. Only a couple minute walk from the company building.

‘Alright Chris, pull yourself together. Whatever you say, she’s gonna understand. She’s great, so of course she’s gonna understand. She may even be just as nervous as you, you never know.’ He let his mind wonder. He started to picture a scenario. One of you seated next to him in his studio. He had finally worked up the courage to ask you on a date- a proper date. Maybe he jumbled up the words a little bit, but you found it endearing. You nodded your head excitedly, saying how you’d love to go on a date with him. He would take you somewhere nice, somewhere you would get dressed up for him. You’d drink red wine and talk about anything and everything- what you loved and what your passions were. Your eyes would have a certain sparkle that only happened when you looked at him. By the end of the date, you’d be asking when you could see him again. He’d hold your hand, your warm little hand, as you left to say your goodbyes.

As wonderful as the daydream was, Chan suddenly snapped out of it. He froze, standing rigid, then almost tumbling back. There’s no way.

There you stood in front of him. With all the beauty that you were. But you were with someone. A man. Chan squinted to see what he could make out. Jungkook? Fuck, that was definitely Jungkook.

You were smiling up at him and clung onto him for a long hug. He gave in, leaning his head down to plant a small kiss on the top of your forehead. You giggled, waved goodbye, then ran inside the company building.

With that, Chan felt his heart shatter for the very first time.

Through the building’s glass walls, he watched as you made your way a little further, then stopped to bring your phone out. 10 seconds later, he felt a buzz from his phone

From: y/n’s instagram

Hey, I’m here :) Should I head on up to you?

He wanted to cry.

------------------------------------------------

✨ Continue to ➡️ Chapter 4

✨if you enjoyed, please consider liking, commenting, or re-blogging <3

[wjhik]

Our Son (Jude Bellingham)

A/N: another short one Y/N's POV:

This pregnancy has been really hard on me. It's a saying in my family that the girls take your beauty while the boys take your energy. Now, that is quite stereotypical. But I do find it to be the case. My first pregnancy with my daughter, I gained a bunch of weight. My second pregnancy, now, the energy is sucked out of me.

Jude hasn't been able to be around as much this pregnancy. It's been hard doing this alone. Well, I'm not alone, but it feels like that sometimes. Our daughter has been helping me a lot, even though she is little. Whenever I feel nauseous, she brings me a puke bag. Or, when I'm hungry, she'll bring me my snacks. She really is a blessing, but at the same time she still a kid. She needs to be looked after as well.

She's been very hyper all day and so has the baby. He's been kicking at me all day. My back is in pain and my feet are swollen. Riley has been trying to help me as much as she can, but it's not really helping. Sometimes her help does more harm than good. I appreciate her nonetheless.

Riley and I are sitting on the couch. It's been the first time all day that we've been able to relax. She has some very high-pitched irritating show on, and I'm ordering some things off Amazon. We've been out running errands all day. It's good to be home. As I'm scrolling through Amazon, I see a text. "Hey, baby. Leaving the training grounds now. See you soon. I love you" I quickly reply. "See you, baby. I love you too" I cannot wait for Jude to be home.

I hear the sound of keys rattling, followed by the door opening. Riley runs to the front door where her father stands. She lets out an excited squeal and runs into his arms. Jude picks her up and peppers her face with kisses. I would go up to him as well, but I don't think I can stand up on my own. It's hard being eight months pregnant. Jude walks up to me and leans down to kiss me. "Hey, baby. How was your day?" He asks me. "It was all right. Long, but all right. I returned that faulty stroller we got and a bunch of other errands as well." I expect him to be happy, but when I look at his face, he's upset. "Baby. I told you I would do all that. You shouldn't have been walking that much."He tells me as he sits down next to me. " I know, but it needed to get done. You've been so busy lately, so I thought I should do it. The babies coming way too soon to still be picking out strollers." I explain to him, a slight tinge of irritation in my voice. I don't mean to be irritated, but I can't help it. I have a baby growing inside me.

"Daddy, can you read me a bedtime story?" Riley ask her father as he tucks her in. "Sure, baby." Neither Jude nor Riley realize that I am watching them. Riley looks so snuggly in bed. Jude sitting on a rocking chair next to her. He picks up a book from the shelf and starts reading. "Once upon a time, there was a big bear. This bear was known amongst his friends to be a hungry hungry bear."

"The end." Jude looks down to see his daughter fast asleep. He gets up from his place on his rocking chair and puts the book away. He stands up and walks towards her bed, where he leans above her and kisses her forehead. "I love you, my princess."

I quickly scurry into our bedroom before he can find me watching him. I get into bed and turn on the TV in our room. Jude goes into our shared bathroom and does his nightly routine. He comes out of the bathroom and gets into bed with me. He rests on his side, propped up by his elbow. "I know you had a long day, love. Why don't you get some rest?" He asks me, running his hand through my hair. I simply not at him and he picks up the remote from my side of the bed and turn off the TV. He turns off his side lamp and the room is now in complete darkness. He allows me to snuggle into him as much as I can, which is not much due to the size of my stomach.

I'm about to fall asleep. This is so comforting. Jude has his hand on my stomach and he's rubbing it. He spends at least 30 minutes a day talking to my stomach at night. He tells his son how excited he is to meet him. How perfect he's sure he'll be, and how we have the perfect name for him, and how he hopes he'll like it. I couldn't ask for a better person to have my children with.

Wattpad: funkyfishfeet

DM for requests

[justcallmecj]

Potion Gone Wrong

(This was the first prompt I got as a suggestion. I make sure to put the names of the commentors and the original comment at the beginning of every chapter. I also specify which platform they commented on.)

"Some suggestions ig, I’ll come back to this chapter if I have more -A potion gone wrong turning Y/N into their dragon form but the size of a cat and a character of your choice has to take care of them." Courtesy of- Your Imaginary Friend on Quotev

(Just as the suggestion says, Y/N was in Alchemy class and with a potion gone wrong, they were turned into their full dragon form, with one condition. They're now the size of a normal house cat. Until Y/N is forced into their dragon form, the story will be in their POV. After that it will be the POV of other characters. I was given free reign with who the one taken care of you is but I'm so freaking indecisive that I just did a wheel of names. I got....VIL.)

(Also, after writing the platonic relationships, I really wanna write romance soooo- You're dating Vil.)

Y/N's POV

        What the heck does this recipe even mean? Crewel-sama assigned the whole class to make a potion. We haven't been previously taught how to make this potion specifically. He told us it is "to test our problem solving knowledge.", but from the evil glint in his eyes and the small chuckles of laughter I can hear from him, he's getting a lot of enjoyment from watching us struggle.

        Unfortunately for myself, I let myself be partnered up with Ace and Deuce. The Idiot Duo. Honestly, I'm the only one working right now. The other two are just sitting there, bickering with each other. Just my luck I guess. I already tried to get them to work, with no prevail. I eventually resorted to tuning out their voices so I could focus.

        I looked back down at the recipe book. What's the next ingredient I need to add?....Dragon scales... A shiver makes its way down my back. I found the two dragon scales on the cart of ingredients next to our work station. By looking at it I can tell its a normal dragon scale. From a true dragon, not a fae type dragon. True dragons shed scales regularly, unlike we fae types. And the red color of the scales shows that it wasn't even from a ice type. I relaxed a tad.

        The book said to gently place the scales into the cauldron and to make sure the potion doesn't splash on you. Nothing was said about what would happen if it did. As a precaution, I grabbed a pair of tongs and grabbed one of the scales with it. Carefully I placed the scale inside the cauldron, making sure nothing would splash. Now, it was time for the second one.

        I only caught a small hint of Ace and Deuce arguing behind me. It was too late when I realized that Ace had decided to smack Deuce upside the head. Deuce's body lurched forward and ran into me. My grip on the tongs loosened and the scale fell from my grasp. It hit the liquid in the cauldron and splashed. Right. On. Me.

        I felt a cold breeze sweep across my body, and soon, changes happened. Ones I recognized, the ones of changing from dragon to human form. But for once, I didn't trigger the transformation.

Crewel's POV

        "OH CRAP!!!", the voice of one of my students yelled. I whipped around and found Mr. Trappola and Mr. Spade standing over something that has clearly caught their attention. While making my way across the room to them, I realized the disappearance of a certain student. Y/N L/N, the dragon student. They're hard to miss, even within a crowd, and since I'm unable to find them right now, I can only assume what had happened.

        A small shove moved Ace and Deuce out of the way and stared at the same things they were. On the ground was a small, white dragon. I immediately knew what had happened and who the dragon was. Y/N.

        I felt a vein on my head bulge slightly from annoyance, but I ignored it for the sake of those around me. Gently, I leaned down and picked up Y/N. Their chest rose and fell peacefully, they've fallen asleep. I turned to face Ace and Deuce. "What. Happened."

Vil's POV

        Why in the world would I be called by Crewel-sama to his room? I wasn't given any context about the reasoning. One thing I do know though, right now, Y/N is in that class. That made me worry just a tad.

        When I got to the Alchemy room, Crewel-sama was sitting at his desk. His eyes were fixed on something in his lap, but I couldn't see what it was. He heard as my heels hit the floor and he looked at me. His face looked almost relieved to see me.

        "What is the reason you called for me, Crewel-sama? Seems out of character for you." He placed his hands on whatever laid in his lap.

        "I'm glad you were able to make it here, Mr. Schoenheit. There was a problem concerning Y/n during class today. A type of incident." he said. Uh oh. "Mr. Trappola and Mr. Spade said that if I were to notify anyone, it should be you. I understand their sentiment.", with that, he reached for what was in his lap and carefully placed it on his desk.

        There laid a small, white dragon. Reality was quick to click into my head. Crewel-sama quickly filled me in on what happened, said that I could take care of Y/N until Crewel-sama found out how to reverse the spell or when it'll wear off. I accepted the offer and took Y/N into my arms, careful not to wake them up.

        "Please Dear, stop running around my bed like that. I just made the sheets this morning." I groaned. Y/N woke up as soon as I returned to my dorm room. Ever since, they've been running around non-stop, making small messes around the room. They've seemed to have reverted to the mind of a baby dragon. Wanting nothing but to have fun.

        It's not like I completely minded. It made me happy to see my lover having what looked like the time of their life, and they looked beautiful while doing it.

        Y/N has never actually shown me their dragon form. They said that it was an inconvenience to turn when all I really needed to see was them, not the dragon. I've heard the whispers and mean words of people around school. All those words sharpened to point at Y/N. They said it doesn't bother them, at least not anymore. But in a way, I knew that they had become someway self-conscious of their dragon side.

        I don't know why though, they looked beautiful, majestic even. In a fumbling, clumsy, baby type way. Adorable really. Their white scales reflected the light that came through the window. The e/c of their eyes shone like colored ice. Their small, harmless horns weighed their head from side to side, causing them to wobble around. They tripped over their tail multiple times.

        Suddenly, Y/N stopped running around. They turned and slowly walked up to where I sat on a chair at the side of the bed. They plopped down like a cat deciding to rest. Their head laid flat on the bed and their eyes stared into mine. I followed their example, my head resting right in front of them and my eyes staring back into theirs. Honestly, I felt ridiculous. Is this really the same lover that I've been dating for so long? I've never seen Y/N act like such a child.

        A grumbling sound echoed from Y/N's stomach. "Hungry, huh?" I learned that Y/N can understand what I say to a certain extent. I've had to simplify my speech so they can properly understand. Their only response was another stomach rumble and a small growl. I took that as a 'yes'. What should I feed them?

        "What do you want to eat?" Y/N immediately jumped down from the bed and ran towards the door. They clawed at it. I stood and opened it for them. Faster than I've seen them run, they dashed down the hall. I had to actually run to keep up. I soon found myself in the kitchen and Y/N sitting quietly at the foot of the fridge. I opened it and they took to searching for something to eat.

        They suddenly climbed up my leg and eventually perched themself on my shoulder. They were heavier than I remember them being on the way to Pomefiore. It was actually really adorable to watch as their eyes darted among all the food in the fridge, as their tail and wings spread slightly to keep balance.

        Y/N's eyes steeled as they eyed something. I grabbed the item. Some cooked meat that Rook had made. He had hunted a rabbit earlier today and left some left overs for someone to take. Guess Y/N had settled on their dinner. "Alright then Dear, I'll get it ready for you." I grabbed a plate from a cupboard and placed the meat on it while Y/N patiently sat on the counter. I was going to cut it but Y/N leaped onto the meat and immediately started tearing it to shreds. A little terrifying, but they are a dragon. Guess it's just in their nature.

        It didn't take long for them to finish eating. After that I took Y/N back to my room and got them to settle for the night. They seemed tired but surprisingly refused to sleep. They nudged their snout into my hand repeatedly. "Fine, I'll pet you, but only for a little while. You need to get your beauty rest soon My Dear." I told them as I rubbed my hand up and down their head and snout. They climbed onto my chest and peacefully closed their eyes in contempt. Quite hums sounded from their throat. Just like a house cat.

        After a good 20 minuets of petting Y/N while they laid on my chest, I got a call from Crewel-sama. He said that the potions effects would wear off by tomorrow morning. As relieved as I was that My Dear would be back to their normal self within a couple hours, I couldn't help but feel a little sad that this adorable form of theirs would be gone. But, really, I shouldn't. Maybe now they'll feel comfortable showing me their dragon form. In all its glory.

        My eyes fluttered open. After waking up a bit, I heard the sound of breathing to my right. Looking over my eyes landed on the sleeping form next to me. Their white wings laid over their body like a blanket as they laid on their side, rolled in a ball like they always do. Y/N's face showed nothing but pure peace as they slept comfortably. I couldn't help the smile that formed on my face as I admired the beauty of my lover. I'll wait to wake you, Dear.

[maoam]

"Kishimoto make sasuke and naruto gay intentionally and not on accident" Okay then so why did he go on multiple interviews insisting that naruto and sasuke's relationship is brotherly and is inspired from his twin brother and that people shouldn't interpret their bond as romantic but platonic?? Source : https://twitter* com/uchihassasusaku/status/1419104011265974275?

If a writer writes homoerotic subtext in his material and expects people to read the material as romantic, he doesnt go around calling the characters "siblings" and asking people to not interpret their dynamic as romantic because then people wont read into his queer subtext like he wanted to

Ship what you want to ship. But stop acting like everyone should buy into your delusions. Kishimoto never said or implied that he wanted naruto and sasuke to be seen as gay but he did say many times that their relationship is brotherly

Ah, another shipper who ships a ship where creator implied twice they never kissed. And whose couple never had a meaningful conversation in a 700 chapter manga. And linking me to some SS stan who gave Elon Musk money for bluecheck mark. 🤣 A good ground to stand on. Okay, I will guide you by the hand since you don't seem to understand. It's okay, illiteracy is a common problem these days. I will put this in easy sections for you, with added links.

Also you and your "queer" nonsense... we are talking about gay, homosexuality. Not slurs.

About the interviews:

The Kizuna thing isn't even written by him, it's an article by another person. These books aren't written by the mangakas ever, they do not have the time nor is the article written from Kishi's pov. Shocker, people write a lot of things in anime merchandise that the creator isn't even involved in. [link] If it were written by Kishi, then an interviewer wouldn't have had to ask Kishi years later whether brotherly relationship was what he was going for with Naruto and Sasuke's bond, and Kishi wouldn't have had given such a cryptic answer where he mulls over it. Because he would have given the answers years back already. Also the fact that he's asked to define their relationship shows how weird it is to the readers. He NEVER told people to not interpret their relationship as romantic. And personally, I have seen movies and a comic where two characters referred to each other as brothers, and their creator referred to them as "soul brothers" but later revealed them to also have romantic feelings.

But I don't expect your mind to be able to comprehend things like this, it does require a little bit of 1+1=2 math. The interview about Seishi is about the feeling of empathy, not that they are literally Naruto and Sasuke's characters. It is one aspect. Kishi has joked about how Naruto and Sasuke are him and his editor too, because he will try to impress his editor. So? And he has said Kushina is based on his wife. So Naruto is him and Kushina is his wife? Why aren't you freaking about this freudian stuff? I know why. I also remember someone saying if Kishi REALLY saw his relationship with his brother as the exact same as Naruto and Sasuke, his brother would need a restraining order against him. It was funny and accurate.

I have wrote about the inconsistencies in his interviews and what shows that he definitely didn't write their dynamic as the same as with his brother despite having one aspect of it [link] and here is another post talking about it more deeply (they also linked my post I just mentioned) [link]. This post also explains how Kishimoto wrote Naruto constantly to do what Sakura can't for Sasuke, and she also included many links to my other posts where I talk about how Kishi wrote Sakura and Sasuke's dynamic, which you can also read if you feel like it. Unless you are scared of being proved wrong, you will read those right, or at least the linked post itself?

About how the audience perceives their dynamic:

The thing is, you and SS fandom don't understand how stories are written. Authors don't do stuff randomly. They use narrative and literary devices to tell their story. Kishi himself has remarked on it many times how careful he is about writing characters, how much he does research, how careful he is about angles etc. [link] If Naruto and Sasuke's relationship was written as brotherly in the text, in the manga, it wouldn't make a bunch of people uncomfortable. There wouldn't have been meltdowns after specific chapters nor would we have people saying when the manga was going on that they are annoyed by the "gay stuff". [link] [link] [link] (there are many more, but here's some collections for an example). Here's one more talking about the Japanese fandom. [link]

When Luffy was saving Ace in Impel Town/Marineford arc, no one in the dudebro community was uncomfortable nor saying it was gay. Eventhough it was a touching and dramatic storyline that showed us how much the two cared about each other. When Alibaba and Cassim were having their past and relationship unravelled in Magi, no one was uncomfortable. Eventhough it was tragic and dramatic and touching yet again. Because despite neither of these pairs being blood-brothers, they were WRITTEN to have a brotherly dynamic/development/relationship in the text, in their behavior. Which is why this also translated to the audience successfully.

If Naruto and Sasuke were written to be brotherly, they would refer to each other as such, including in Boruto, and would tell other people such as well. Hell, they would be proud to tell other people that this person they respect and admire the most is like a brother to them. But they don't. Naruto even told Hagoromo they aren't siblings, but friends. Sasuke said he has only one brother and that is Itachi. If they were brotherly, Kishi wouldn't make Naruto kiss Sasuke, even if accidentally, and have that to be their first interaction. He wouldn't say he wants to be the first one to have rivals kiss in shounen. Not a single brotherly relationship in media is written like this. You know, tropes matter. He wouldn't have Sasuke think fondly about the kiss as one of his most precious memories when he is dying, while years later implying more than once Sasuke never kissed Sakura lol. He wouldn't say Sakura had her first kiss stolen by her rival Naruto. He wouldn't make Sakura be jealous of Naruto's importance to Sasuke, while also giving her zero importance in saving Sasuke. He would not constantly make fun of Sakura by having her be thirsty/desperate for Sasuke's attention, any little crumb from him, while Sasuke ignores her and focuses on Naruto. Kishi knows how his writing comes off. Plenty of people, both men and women who weren't shippers, made jokes about Sasuke going "where's Naruto? hey Naruto" whenever Sakura speaks. Because Kishi made it such a constant dynamic with the three of them. People who have the basic amount of media literacy will get it, and thus all those jokes and memes were born. [link] [link] [link]

If they were brotherly, the anime studio wouldn't have them make eyes at each other while lyrics "please kiss me all night" play in the background, aside from all the other gay ops/ends with romantic lyrics to them. And since Kishi watches the anime, he would have probably point out it's weird. That's what I would do if I wrote about my relationship with my brother and people did that. Magi anime didn't have Alibaba and Cassim in romantic endings...

Kishi wouldn't put this in the movie he made if he wanted them to appear as brothers. Everyone was saying this looked gay/homoerotic when the movie dropped. I saw men on forums say "lol this looks so homoerotic, why did he have to catch Sasuke like that" and even in Chinese theaters people were giggling during this scene. Because it's so in your face fanservice. And Kishi said he cares about angles a lot in his story and that he redraws them if they aren't good enough to drive the message home. So what exactly does that tell you?

People usually aren't sexual about their brother

He wouldn't sexualize and put so much homoeroticism surrounding Sasuke's character, if Sasuke was solely inspired by his brother. You know, unless he had a questionable obsession with his brother. [link]

He wouldn't make Naruto literally get sexually excited when about to fight Sasuke lol [link] [link] that's so obvious Japanese men got amused, uncomfortable and even angry about it, if Sasuke and Naruto were him and his brother.

Romantic tropes/brotherly tropes are not the same

The fact Kishimoto's het couples parallel Naruto and Sasuke's dynamic is very evident. If "brotherly" relationship resembles romantic couples by the same author instead of the other brother dynamics he has written, guess what, it's not written as a brother dynamic lol. Again, proof that he didn't write their dynamic as brotherly. Both Mario/Saori [link] [link] and Minato/Kushina [link] [link] parallel Naruto/Sasuke and have the same tropes as them.

Raikage/Killer B is written as a normal brother relationship. Itachi/Sasuke is written as a complicated brother relationship with a lot of tragedy. Shikamaru/Choji is written as a normal friendship. Kakashi/Obito is written as a complicated friendship with a lot of tragedy. Naruto/Sasuke resembles the romantic relationships Kishimoto wrote, instead of these ones I mentioned. Even in their world, Naruto's actions are seen as irrational and obsession, and the weirdness of it all is constantly pointed out, by Sai, Kabuto, Sakura, Raikage, Itachi. This is a choice Kishi made when he wrote them. [link]

He also made a homage to Devilman and Akira/Ryo relationship that even people in the Japanese fandom noticed. [link] He specifically picked the chapter where Ryo admits having romantic feelings for Akira, and the fight (which parallels Vote2) ending with Ryo realizing how deep his feelings for Akira lie. Kishimoto would not do that if Naruto and Sasuke were based on him and his brother. Why would he pick a character famous for being gay for his best friend/enemy in a chapter where we finally get to see inside Sasuke's head?

Aside from paralleling Hinata's feelings towards Naruto in the Pain arc with Naruto's feelings towards Sasuke in the very next arc, he also foreshadowed a romantic double-suicide with Naruto and Sasuke during said arc. ROMANTIC. [link]

Sasuke on the other hand, was never satisfied with Naruto calling him brother or friend. If their relationship was strictly brotherly, they wouldn't need to ponder about the nature of their relationship, because that's not how any brotherly relationship is written in media. [link]

Kishimoto dislikes SS and talks about Sakura's "love" negatively more than once. [link] Sakura's love is selfish, toxic... yet this doesn't mean anything. Sakura wanted to save Sasuke, yet the one Sasuke said saved him was Naruto.

Now think hard. Use the modest intellect you possess. So aside from Kishimoto having Naruto show sexual attraction towards Sasuke to the point it made Japanese men uncomfortable, he also used romantic tropes (one of them being double-suicide which a writer Kishimoto admires is famous for because he mostly wrote romantic plays ending in that) and romantic parallels to show Naruto's feelings towards Sasuke multiple times, which he did not use for other male friendships in the manga. To the point many Japanese men wondered why Kishimoto "has to push homosexual agenda with Naruto's character", despite the fact he's supposed to be " a normal/good guy". All of these things somehow do not mean anything, nor do the multiple other things I have pointed out on my blog.

I'm not asking you to "buy" into anything, because understanding Naruto is a love story between Naruto and Sasuke and that Kishimoto does not even like Sakura let alone SS would require a little bit of reading comprehension and common sense. Which you and the person you linked sacrificed at the pink altar of Sakura worship, because to you not having anything in common with your partner nor having anything meaningful to talk about nor knowing anything about each other is somehow love. To you having someone else help and understand the person you love because you can't somehow makes an ideal relationship. You mistake Sakura's onesided melodrama for love. She has never said anything meaningful about Sasuke's character, neither has Sasuke said anything meaningful about her. Yet you believe Kishi wrote some deep relationship between them. How am I supposed to reason with someone like that? But your gaslighting doesn't phase me, I have seen all this before many times, it's old news by now. You can call me delusional all you want, but I trust my own understanding thank you very much. It's not like that much is even required, as proven by how many people, even the ones that don't have any need to (casual viewers, straight men, etc.) see it, still see it. Because it is that obvious that only desperate need to not see it blinds someone like you from seeing it.

I'm actually working on another post about Narusasu and Kishi's writing tools regarding it, so stay tuned 🩷

[aphrogeneias]

𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞'𝐬 𝐧𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐰 — 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐨𝐧𝐞

summary: at his hiding place, eddie "the banished" receives some bad news about the person he cares the most about, and because of that, he reminisces.

pairing: eddie munson x fem!reader

warnings: eddie's pov, no use of y/n. just some flirty flirting for now. she's an acoustic guitar girl, he's an electric guitar boy, what more can i say?

author's note: only minor changes have been made in this one, mostly added some lines. original version was posted on june 14, 2022. <3

series masterlist

It was the third time they'd almost scared him to death.

The first was when they found him, hiding at Reefer Rick’s boathouse, clinging to a piece of broken glass to dear life, like a cornered paladin clung to their sword - but with none of the honor, righteousness and lawful good bullshit, only a wanted man trying to make it through the night. The second was when they brought him supplies, and he was still too on edge to not be suspicious of anything that got too close.

This time, Eddie wasn’t expecting anybody, which made him even more worried. They were not supposed to be there that day.

He sat back as he watched Dustin make his way into the living room, followed by a distraught looking Robin Buckley and an equally upset Steve Harrington. They were all quiet, too quiet, and that could only mean bad news. More bad news.

“Please, don’t tell me I’m being charged for another uncanny murder case.” Making light of a bad situation had always been one of his strong points, but none of his jokes seemed to land right now that his life has turned upside down.

Literally, it seemed.

"No, no! There haven't been any other uncanny murders, but, uh…" Dustin started, "we kind of need your help now."

"You're friends with Nancy's neighbor, aren't you?" This time, Robin was the one to speak. She remembered your name and last name, then. "Senior, works at the record store downtown… We talked to your friends and they told us you're kind of close."

Kind of close. He thought. That's one way to put it.

"I'm offended you never mentioned her to us, by the way." intervened Dustin, but Eddie didn't have it in him to sass the boy back.

The mention of your name made his heart beat faster. He had grown used to the uneasiness in his chest, an anxious feeling that never really went away, but when it came to you, a new wave of almost overwhelming restlessness crashed through him.

There hadn't been a minute where Eddie hadn't thought about you. Alone and scared, hiding under a tarp while the silence of the woods and the soft waves of the lake below him lulled him to sleep, he thought about what you were doing, where you were, if you were safe. Whether or not the police had gotten to you, to interrogate you about him, just as they've probably done to his uncle, and if so, did you think he was capable of doing what he was being accused of?

He tried not to think much about that, though. Mostly, Eddie thought about your kind eyes and your warm laughter, smiling at him from behind the counter, the smell of your hair as he sat beside you, sharing a set of headphones as you tried to convince him to listen to something new. He'd give anything to see you again.

Nodding frantically, he stood up, stomach dropping at the same time. "Is she alright? Where is she?"

"She's fine, she's alone but she's home," Harrington intervened, raising one hand forward, "we just need to know… if you know… what her favorite song is?"

Eddie watched Steve wince uncomfortably as he tried to sound casual, and tilted his head at him, squinting. "What does that have to do anything?"

"It's a long story, but basically, um… me and Nancy came up with this theory that music can…"

Robin started fumbling with her words, but was promptly stopped by Dustin. "We just need to know what her favorite song is. She won't talk to anyone and we're worried, we can explain it on the way."

He didn't need to be a genius to understand what was going on there. Suddenly, images of Chrissy Cunningham's floating body flashed behind his eyes, her lifeless form dropping to the floor of his trailer, torn from the inside out — but, then, instead of her, it was you, your body, in her place.

The image alone almost paralyzed him.

"I know what her favorite song is. I know all of her favorite songs."

His voice trembled, just as his hands did slightly as he gathered his jacket from where it lied scattered on the couch, but still, he followed the trio as they rushed through the door.

1.

“No fucking way!”

“Shhh!” You snatched the record from his hands, but Eddie could see you were holding back a smile, “You’re scaring the customers.”

“He’s always scaring the customers.” Claire, the girl who worked the afternoon shifts with you, and who wasn't too fond of his behavior, rolled her eyes from where she stood, checking through a couple of boxes of new releases. 

“He’s always scaring the customers.”  He repeated her words mockingly, his face twisting in a sneer. Eddie knew he sounded childish, but it was worth it to see you biting your lip to hold back on laughing again, asking Claire to take those boxes to the back of the store and sort them out by artist, saying you would organize them later. He, on the other hand, didn’t hide his own grin as he watched the redhead leave through the staff door.

"You," pointing at him, you faked a glare, and Eddie would be lying if he said it wasn’t adorable, "are the most embarrassing human I've ever met."

Part of the fun of driving all the way downtown to buy new records and tapes wasn't just in getting to get his hands on new music, it had also a lot to do with you. The shy girl who mostly kept busy with stacking vinyl in alphabetical order and, for some reason, always seemed to know exactly what he was looking for. Eddie couldn’t seem to remember a time where you weren’t there, though he knew you must have started working at Mullberry's Records only recently, but you fit in there in a way that felt like you belonged. Not in the physical space between the rows and rows of records, and the colorful walls filled with cassette tapes, but in Eddie’s life.

He could spend hours there, and sometimes that happened quite literally, talking to you about music, though your opinions diverged quite a lot. On other days, when he just wanted an escape, he’d keep you silent company - as silent as he could manage - browsing through the sections and wandering behind the counter, controlling the record player only the staff had access to. You were easy to talk to, and that was something that was hard to find for him.

Maybe it was also because he liked the way you looked at him when he pushed your buttons.

"Are you listening to yourself? You're the embarrassing one!" He crossed his arms, leaning back at one of the shelves behind him. "Who doesn't like KISS?”

"They're just a bunch of clowns in high heels trying to make music. Also, who the hell names their band "kiss"? That's, like, the cheesiest shit ever."

“Unbelievable.” He shook his head, placing his hands on his hips. “What do you like, then, Your Highness?”

“I dunno…” You trailed off. As you did, Eddie watched you work, your delicate fingers counting through the new tapes scattered around the counter, silver rings glinting under the sunlight that filtered through the glass storefront, the way your mouth contorted as you seemed deep in thought, “I’ve been listening to a lot of Bob Dylan lately, some Joni Mitchell, she’s true magic, you know…”

“God, you’re so boring!” Your shocked face made him laugh openly, “didn’t anybody tell you this isn’t the Summer of Love anymore?”

“This isn’t the Summer of ten minute guitar solos, either, Munson. No matter how much you try to make it happen.”

“That’s because you haven’t seen me play yet. You’ll ask for ten more minutes when I’m through with it.”

Accidentally, that sounded a little more suggestive than he intended, and he knew that. He was almost apologizing, laughing it off with another joke, but he noticed the way you stopped on your tracks, slowly looking up at him, clearly trying to mask the way your breath hitched as you felt yourself fluster under his gaze. 

Eddie noticed, then, that he liked that a lot more than he liked pissing you off.

“You wish.”