#but doing too much does make me tired lmao | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

deklo · 11 months

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ok. i finally think i’m starting to feel better :)

#less sore throat. less stuffy nose (still there tho)#my body feels much better #but doing too much does make me tired lmao #pls. pls god give me a negative test in two days 🙏#i need to take my garbage and recycling out but i’m so scared to run into my neighbor lol

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welcometogrouchland · 2 years

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[ID: a digital drawing of Hunter and Willow from the owl house based on the "lesbians doing makeup" meme. Hunter is lying beneath Willow, who straddles him while doing his makeup. He looks at her somewhat dazed and she looks at him fondly. the background is a mid-tone blue. End ID]

This is what they are. To me

#the owl house #toh #hunter toh #willow park #huntlow #this the. 3rd? huntlow meme redraw I've done?#it's fun okay?#yesterday and today were pretty okay but they left me WIPED OUT and this was all i could make lmao #i probably could've spent more time on this but also it was just a silly meme redraw for fun lol it doesn't have to be the mona lisa #<- saying that through gritted teeth btw. it does not have to be the mona lisa #man I'm even too tired for tag rambles i do not have much to say #i will say that i contemplated doing this with amity and willow instead but I'm not super huge into them romantically #hence i figured that as much as i love the off-screen makeover Amity gave willow in s2 (that i lowkey wish ppl did more with)#I'd prefer to indulge myself this once lol #she's gonna give him red eyeshadow i think :]#i was gonna try and draw each of them with more makeup but it straight up didn't look right in my style lol #so uh. just imagine #okay i gotta go listen to music like my life depends on it hope u guys enjoy

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bunnihearted · 2 months

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🧸♡ ⋆｡˚

#it actually does make such a huge difference omg im like ... feels like i got thrown into the floor lost my breath #having someone i like so much to talk to abt things #and share stuff and details abt not only my days but their days too #and talking abt like books that we read or shows/movies we saw and etc etc #sending pics. sending voice messages. all of that #that was so amazing wth???#it sounds like such a mundane thing but it changed my enire baseline. it wasnt a littel thing to me #i didnt share as much as i wanted to because it takes me longer to settle into smth like this #or any kind of connection/correspondence/bond/rapport #im slow bc im so scared of ppl. scared of trusting. scared of opening up. rejection rejection all of that #yeah.. takes me a lot longer than the average person to settle into smth like this #avpd is its own special hell...#i miss it a lot and i wish there hadnt been all the other circumstances so i could've actually relaxed into it #and come out of my shell completely. which i was almost there. now that mental block is gone but it's too late....#i take too long... it is impossible to be patient with me. i really hate everything abt my brain #my desire overtook my fear and it was quicker than it ever has but not enough.. :(#i miss it sm and it made me feel so so much lust for life..#but it's gone now and i can really feel the loss of it #i wouldve done anything i could to save it. or nurture it. or whatever. but it was a sacred treasure to /me/.#it doesnt matter if i try to put out the flames in a burning house if the house is gone and there are actually only the flames left #and since to me it is so special. and like. the fact that this even happened is crazy to me stuff like this feelings and connection never #happen to me. it's like.. special to talk to someone u like & have an established rapport with on a regular basis #and tell them stuff and rant abt like a book or whatever. ask them details abt their life bc u know them and enjoy knowing them #i cant just transfer all of this to someone else. i dont feel like yapping abt the book im reading into the void or someone i barely know #i just dont know... i need that sm and it was so amazing w someone i like sm. & it makes me sad i takes me too long to get fully comfortable #bc of this time were it was the most intense and long lasting for me but also im in love lmao. but other times too...#i take too long and why would someone wanna wait like actually a year (which is how long it often takes me to pass a certain barrier)#im not special. im nothing that great. it is easy to find someone else who is x1000 better than me and wont take an eternity to warm up #i just feel so sad bc i try so hard and then all of my effort just goes down the drain and then i have to do it again if i meet someone #then they'll leave me behind too and get tired of me and not like what they see and then im back at square 1 again

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piplupod · 3 months

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feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.

#part of me wonders if going to the centre is helping or hurting more #but i think it's definitely helping more. however it is definitely also hurting/making some things worse #i just wish I could be operating at the same level as most of society #and i feel so egotistical when I talk abt this #but like. why am i always so fucking aware of every single thing going on #and everyone else is just painfully oblivious #I AM USING HYPERBOLE. ITS NOT EVERYONE. i know im not the only person ever lmao #when i got my autism diagnosis i thought oh good okay so THIS is why im such a freak #and now I've met so many other autistic ppl irl and um. no. no thats definitely not it still.#yes its probably part of it but im also just. so fucking traumatized i guess idk. i hate this so much #i just want to be the same and fit in and not be analyzing everything and be able to actually speak my mind #and not be so kind and polite and respectful all the time and be able to say shitty stupid things without thinking anything of it #im so tired of being the only one who seems to care so much about everyone else's comfort and feelings #but also at the same time i would hate if i acted like everyone else bc i know how shitty it makes people feel #and people are always so happy to see me because I am useful and make them feel good and comfortable and heard #and that matters. that means a lot to people i think. but also I am not a person. i am a tool.#and I'd really like to be a person #i somehow feel like im operating at a higher level/awareness than almost everyone irl and also way below everyone at the same time #like im so hyperaware of everyone else more than most ppl but im also so socially inept sometimes. and just... idk how to be a person.#i dont know i just want to not be like this. its so lonely and tiring and i want to matter to people #i want them to like me for more than just what I'm able to do for them. I want to be liked for Me i guess. but Me isnt likeable maybe #Me is uncomfortable for people. Me is a trembling cornered prey animal with a longing to tell stories but is too afraid to do anything #and so Me just exists in a hollow shell made out of people-pleasing and fawning and mirroring everyone around them #and then i get lonelier and more isolated and nothing really changes. but every time i try to crack open the shell a little it goes badly #like i genuinely dont think its my paranoia. i think it is not Safe for Me to exist properly.#i am too sensitive probably! but it does very much feel like a raw wound that peope jab aggressively at when i open up a little!#boy howdy i sound like such a wuss. i mean i probably am one fjfkdl #i just feel like I keep trying to fix things and improve and try new things and nothing ever really works well #my counsellors have always commented on how impressed they are at my willingness to try things #and its like ?? yeah ! ofc i am going to try things! maybe that will be smth that finally helps!

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gregoftom · 1 year

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this was laced with so many things

#tomgreg #tom's jealousy for a start like girl we know you hate greg talking to Anyone else regardless of if you need it for info #but like the fact that it's matsson touched a neeerve didn't it! he's talking to both your slam pieces those people are YOURS #greg trying to half say in that way he does; you can trust me tom please trust me #i can see you're not doing good and i'm here #their EXPRESSIONS like greg's is like cmon and tom is so TIRED and sad like i get it!!!!! you love matsson!!! you love him so much!!!!!#toms HANDS when he explains that he needs coffee WE GET IT YOURE FAGGY ASF #dont worry i'm not done i just dont wanna make this pots too long of caps lmao #but sigh

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izzy-b-hands · 3 months

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To Do for tomorrow (in theory at least, if the spoons are there to let me manage all of it)

-One last load of laundry (that idk where im gonna put bc im outta room but. I'll figure it out)

-clean bathroom sink

-swiffer all the floors (that are safely swifferable)

-double check my room and hide any sex toys still sitting out (in my defence, my toys my room my choice where they go, but also, i think a dildo can be a nice centerpiece on a desk or shelving unit top. Ties my whole room together!)

-pause the Oh God Mum's Visiting cleaning/prepping to try and gif Tyler's part in last night's concert (I fucking*screamed* when i heard the intro to his first song and saw him run out, poor Housemate was v chill abt me losing my shit in excitement lol)

-dishes, bc that's just a thing i like doing daily now. put on music, zone out for an hour and half, come back to conscious thought to a bunch of clean dishes. what more could a man ask for (I have ideas but I'll take dishes for now)

I'm writing this out, here, so when my forgetful ass is scrolling thru things tomorrow, I'll see this and won't forget to do anything

hopefully (Tomorrow Me pls don't fuck this up)

#text post #i have no right to be tired rn but i am a bit #Housemate and i are gonna chill tonight tho so that'll help #just relaxing and dinner and maybe a bunch of Tumblr scrolling #im just. already worn out at the idea of mum and her bf being here and i KNOW i need to get out of this funk #my brain is like hmmm but what if they cancel last minute. maybe you should just not do anything and act like they won't be here #my brain does that with anything that hardcore triggers my anxiety like work and Mum lmao #immediately is like 'what if they cancel everything forever and you never have to worry abt work or money again'#and I'll be like 'thats not fkn happening let's just prep for the situation and get thru it'#and yet. the brain persists in this #Housemate is being an absolute angel too and taking us on another dispo run before mum gets here bc #between work and mum im gonna just. need to have every minute be 420 at least mildly #to make sure i don't get overwhelmed and have a meltdown that puts me in my room for a week straight #and fucks up all of this #getting wizard high is for the nights during this next week tho bc Housemate has helped me convince mum #that I dont need to see them to the hotel each night and maybe hang out thru the night with them (sweet but pls no)#so the nights I'll have to try and keep my shit together #stoned and worry rambling too much rn but god just. let me not piss her or the bf off. they're gonna lecture me on like #at least three things im p sure of. I don't want to add to that number 🙃

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thecherrygod · 4 months

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keeps-ache · 4 months

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mm i Neeed to go the beach

#just me hi #wauhuhh !#something about just drifting around in water that i am slightly scared of that really makes my brain whir happily lol :>#i am slightly scared of it for two major reasons: 1) fish. lord the fish why are they so scary 2) sometimes i think i'll drown and they jus #won't find the body. which is less rational than the fish so that's why fish is my number 1 fear at all times lmao #/i think out of all the animals on the planet i am the most scared of ordinary fish. not even the deep sea stuff hfbshv #cuz look they're so far down there you Have to assume they look funked. and also they prolly don't like human meat. so it's cool #but regular fish?? some of them eat birds. they eat birds dude. what would they do to me if they knew how to use harpoons??#also they for SURE eat corpses so we loop back to fear no. 2 really just being fear no. 1 hbfhs #/see i'm not even that scared of the animals my parents are determined on exploding. like man if i get eaten that was prolly bound #to happen anyway. i Know how that goes. i know what mauling is lol #i am the only person in this house who will walk around outside on a moonless light w/ no flashlight because if i was sposed to be dead i #can guaranteE there are much better opportunities. funnier ones‚ too #/just looked it up bobcats are SHY little guys. they are just shy babies. except for when they have rabies :)#shy rabies babies <3 #/anyway back to the fish. i don't like how there are some that specifically like to eat human skin. mmm no i have never liked that ever not #one little bit. makes my skin crawl hghfsh #i don't care what it does or can do that is NOT cool lil dude ;w;#/hang on i'm googling 'weirdest things fish eat' because i want to scare myself i guess hbfhvbsf :'3 #they're only showing me weird fish!!! no !! tell me about a fish that's living exclusively off of plastics!! or car tires !! come on !!!#these guys are just funky looking. and just Kinda funky looking. though this humphead guy is funny lol :)#he looks scary but with a charm that i can't deny #his forehead. and mouf. this guy is awesome #and of course he's endangered because the world is exploding. but it's so cool he exists :D #//anyway fish are scary. and miss humphead is Huge so goofiness aside he's also scary hhfbvs #also why do some of those motherfunkers swim close to shore and bite at you. those guys suck so bad #that's only happened to me so many times but enough for me to have a fear that has lasted for over half a decade lmao #//and anywho i'm running out of tag space lol :)#we're going ot the park!! i'm going to skate :DD !!#i wanna get good at my old stuff again hfsh - so bye! bye !! toodles !!!

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sygneth · 8 months

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#rant time #trying to figure myself out but this shit fucking impossible #only recetly i realised that half of my problems is probably undiagnosed adhd #but something tells me it may be asd and adhd together #although adhd traits are much more prominent in my case and looking at asd diagnostic criteria they don't fully apply but AGAIN #it looks to me more like they don't apply because adhd things come in way? like the typical spontaniety fucking question yeah #ughh i wish there was more audhd proper info because i'm going crazy trying to put this all together #i am planning to get adhd diagnosis as soon as i gather money and i could possibly try to get asd too but #a. good fucking luck getting a proper asd diagnosis as an adult trans dude in PL lmao #b. good fucking luck trying to find a place that does crossdiagnosis #well i'll try anyway but until i get a job i'm like. stuck with it in my own head #and as far as i feel like i probably won't get anywherw further with figuring this out on my own i can't. Fucking. Stop. Thinking about it.#my brain decided this is a Main Theme TM now and will make me do the research until we get sure that's It ot that's Not It #i... i'm tired.#not even gonna tag this as personal post because i just wanted to scream into the void thb

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year

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...

#how is it that i can get only like 6hrs of sleep. go for an hr run up a mountain and still b wired #like ??? make it make sense??? im not even a lil tired. im considering going up thr mountain again #how does my body do this? im not even euphoric. i just habe too much energy #i just wanna smash things with a baseball bat. its so weird. i guess its not really an issue. i just dont understand it which bothers me #its either a mood thing or the hyper disorder :-/ but like idk how i havent noticed it before #like have i always been like that? i have evidence going back to 2019 but i didnt actually notice it until the last year for real #...i guess there is maybe a reason i didnt have so much energy before this but ya kno #whatever. i can try to find a therapist in like 10 days or something. so ill try to figure it out lol #idk im just vibing bc im sorta unemployed rn. i mean ive been hired as a TA but dont meet for that until thurs but im not at my research #assistant job anymore as of Friday. so i can do whatever tf i want. except im still working on my data 🙃 bc im fucked up like that #hopefully the energy lasts. or maybe not bc idk how i would fucking sit in an office at a desk like this #jesus. im like: me having adhd is impossible. but also me: having to do 3 things at once to pay attention and fucking dancing while i liste #bc i cant sit still. listen. i wont believe it until someone diagnoses me. but it wouldn't not make sense #ugh. i wanna run up the mountain again. but last time i was running twice a day to get rid of energy i fucked up my leg and its still #fucked up. but like not enough thst it hurts to walk so i still run on it. maybe ill go see a doctor once my new insurance kicks in lmao #oh Jesus my brain. maybe im just happy to havr all my insurance bullshit cleared up. i guess thats a bonus to living in like libertari4n #land. less regulations than my last state in terms of car insurance lmao #or maybe im nervous abt thr start of the semester. its gonna b a fucking wild ride lol #unrelated

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c-nan · 2 years

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really gotta assess the anger i have when it comes to my brother

#it eats me up and sits like a fucking boulder in my chest and makes me wanna cry and scream #and tbf i have a good reason for the anger this time #the last 3 days my parents and i have been extensively cleaning the house so he can have his friends over for a friendsgiving this + just #general hanging out and such #and he said he’d help clean but like always he didn’t do shit #we went away to oklahoma bc ✨ social anxiety ✨ but we came back today and the house was a mess lmao (not too much of a mess but yeah)#so we spent sometime before chilling cleaning before he came back with his friends #then we started watching a movie and it was all nice and fun till he came back #(let me be clear. i love his friends. they’re always so nice and fun and aweosme. i’m not mad at them.)#anyway so they come back and then leave again but this time seth stayed back to clean what mess they made #and then we spent another hour (even though i have to sleep at midnight and the movie is 2 hours long) cleaning and while he actually helped #this time it wouldn’t have hurt him to do it by himself after not doing anything for 3 whole days #yeah okay i’m not quite as mad anymore lmao this ranting thing really helped #i think what made me so mad is that he never ever ever helps clean and we’ll beg and all that and he barely does anything #and he’s mean too #and while i spent 6 hours on thanksgiving cleaning he watched fucking lady bird and didn’t lift a hand to help until i begged him to sweep #the entryway #bc my feet hurt and i was tired and had a million other things to do #and mind you my parents were cooking so i had two floors to clean. vaccum. and dust alone.#and idk it’s that + all the shit he’s put me through growing up that i just have inherent rage at him #there’s only so many times i can be mistreated before everything seems like mistreatment

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magnoliamyrrh · 2 years

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#once again im abt to eat glass #literally there has basically not been a day since i started school again in spring that i havent had a overwhelming urge to kill myself !#and a prepetual feeling that i just. can't do. any of this. any of it. not the fucking classes and not what comes after either.#like fuck what does it even matter exactly if i get this degree or not? if i manage to barely drag myself through this? what does it matter #degree or not i dont have what it takes to remotely make it through life #its not even that im stupid lmao i just. i cant do this. too tired too many fucking health issues too much trauma too insane and. too.#fucking. exhausted. considering i dont even have much a fear of death and have lost that basic survival instinct. what exactly? ought to #keep me going? because on the other side. for the most part i just. dont. want. life. either. everything is such a fucking #struggle and i dont see any point in it?? not anymore. its not even that i think life is miserable or whatever i just #ive had enough of it. good bad great horrible ive just had enough. lmaoo i feel way too old for any of it god damn. i just wanna rest. its #all been too much. its all been enough. i just want to rest.#........ the school is just a added stress that drives me insane but the main god damn issue is that. i just.... i dont want things anymore #i dont want anything anymore. i dont care. most of the things i used to be passionate abt or care about i... . i dont even fucking manage #to do those when i have the time. or want to do them when i have the time #........ so what. exactly. is the point of staying alive.#......#nothing drives me anymore. i have no drive. perhaps anger at times. i guess thst comes from care. but mostly im just fucking exhausted #... and im just?? useless in this state. useless to myself useless to my family useless to society. i dont even have it in me to do things #out of fear or dread of my parents anymore.#.and. frankly. the biggest issue here is that since ive been like? what? 17? ive been unable to idk rise up to the occasion? its too #fucking much. but frankly.. ;; im not even sure it is. like okay rationally this is a lot to deal with for a human being but also. this is #all. this is all. just because im weak. mentally i dont have it in me. i think the last bit of my energy went into #fucking recovering alone from 2 eating disorders from hell & pretty fucking bad bpd. i feel like that was the last big effort i was able to #make for myselr #idk i just feel like im making fucking excuses all the time. i should Not Be Letting It Define My Life and Rising Above It or whatever but #im too much of a whiny fucking bitch with a victim complex who just fucking complains about things all the time but cant manage to actually #do. anything.#.

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californiaquail · 3 months

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it's crazy how interviews stop being at all scary when you don't really care about getting the job. however i am scared of the hour drive

#i mean i also interview pretty well so they don't worry me too much anyway which is like the one life skill i have going for me #it fucking sucks dude it's a great job and i would want it very much IF it didn't start at fucking 7am like i know that would make all of m #problems so much worse because my piece of garbage body will not be forced into such a schedule and i do hate it very much #also i won't lie the pay is really not great for this area particularly for a place who is supposedly charging 2 grand for a routine spay #if they offer me a significant increase on the listed range for my experience i will consider it but like i said thee hours #and theeeeeee fucking housing situation #i'm talking to the hospital job tomorrow or wednesday and i will probably also take in my resume to other vet office with better hours #i'm very fucking tired of this bullshit and i would like it to be over posthaste. also re this hospital job does anyone know if those #thc detox drinks to pass drug tests work lmao because i think they test and i'm guessing i have a few weeks before that would happen but #would want to take extra measures in case if possible #i'm still shocked that they got back to me though so i won't be surprised if they ghost at any point #me

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toastsnaffler · 3 months

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changed my gp practice to one local to me last month which is fine but just found out the adhd service I'm titrating meds with only covers gp practices in england and I'm registered with a gp in wales now... which means I'm now a "private" patient so I have to pay for the rest of my titration out of pocket. are u fucking kidding me

#THEY DIDNT FUCKING TELL ME THAT OR I WOULDNT HAVE CHANGED MY GP UNTIL I FINISHED TITRATION UGH #well i dont have that much left of titration anyway. but still fucking hell #the discharge appt alone costs 180 quid so if I want to be referred back to my gp and continue taking meds i Have to pay that #and itll be at least 100 quid to continue titration the next month and thats not including the price of the meds themselves lmao #well. its not like i cant afford it i have some money saved for shit like thjs. and itll only be a month and then nhs wales will cover it #so ill just have to pay for my prescription which will be capped #ufgjf. man i didnt expect this tho so annoying #i only logged in bc i wanted to check smth bc idk if this booster is gonna work out for me like its effective but it rly wrings me out #and my sleep has been affected for a while and the summer weather is making it worse but its definitely partly meds #but idk if im too late in my titration now to switch again. well i shouldnt be i still have a month #i dont want to quit elvanse bc it does rly help but only for half the day and the crash is too much #but if theres no way to smooth it out without losing sleep n feeling physically shit. i dont think i can do it in the long run :-(#well at least if no meds work for me and i end up quitting the service i dont have to pay that extra £180 so.#idc im too tired to think abt this rn ill deal with it tomorrow. itll work out one way or another #.diaries

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anaalnathrakhs · 6 months

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i WILL show up to the trial day for the preparatory class tomorrow no matter how much i dont want to and after that i guarantee NOTHING

#broadcasting my misery #vent #this is a lie i guarantee i will keep tumbling through life appearing functional and melting down in the privacy of my own home afterwards #<- trying to jinx my naturally contrarian ass into taking care of myself for once #god i'm tired #i am. slightly peeved.#around 11am i was like ''i think i'm going to go home'' and my friend was like WHAT nooooooo what are you going to do at home anyway #and we ended up hanging out w another friend until fucking 4pm #and she was like oooooh guys i think i'm gonna go else i wont have energy tomorrow #haha bitch where was this mindset when i told you i was going to go home #i don't know why i keep like. telling people stuff like ''i'm [emotion] i'm going to [thing]''#and they just plan stuff w me anyway #and like. i can't decide for them what's important or not to them. so i make an effort and i participate to the best of my ability.#but it KEEPS HAPPENING #OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN #it does not stop #i can barely keep the violent impulses down tbh i act like im on crack in public #bc if i dont walk around and spasm like an epileptic stray cat im gonna start giving in to the urge to dive under a bus or punch someone #i have nearly uncontrollable fits of hitting my head against walls when my entire life i was too chicken to do it despite trying to #i gained about fifteen to twenty fucking kilograms in the last three months #because i cannot fucking stop binging and EVERYBODY'S LIFE seems to revolve around food #my friends are incapable of hanging out without going to buy smth no matter at which time we get out of school #my other friends seem incapable of not checking calories VERY LOUDLY and calculating how much they lost walking around #my mom and i are home and awake at the same time abt two hours a day and one and a half of that is spent making/eating dinner lmao #im making the effort holy shit i am but i'm going to start being violent soon #i've started trying to strangle my cat twice in the past week i think #i'll show up tomorrow bc it's an opportunity and im not stupid enough to miss that by lack of self esteem #but really what is it good for #my friend isnt very delicate in her way to say it but she's right. i'm not cut out for being normal like that #i can sorta seem functional but you very quickly start seeing i don't know how to dress

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dandyshucks · 8 months

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sometimes i feel like if i focused hard enough i could gather all this creative energy and explode into smithereens and all that'd be left behind is a heap of papers covered in completed art and writing

#i wish. i WISH !!#theres so much art in this frail frame of mine but the body does not let me make it all fhsdgjkl #whats that one silly phrase #the mind is willing but the flesh is weak... something along those lines. i think maybe thats backwards. but whatever it applies to this #if it were up to ME the little me that sits inside the brain and pilots this physical body then i'd make SOOOO much art #but unfortunately the body is me and i have to work with what it is (malnourished and chronically fatigued rest in shit LMAO)#but i've got . so many ideas and so much motivation so often that i just cannot do anything with bc ... too tired fdskjl #dandy.cmd

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