#but don't get me wrong i myself am 100% sure that i'm a woman like i can't imagine being anything else

[stuckinakillingjar]

my mom telling me that my parent's divorce didn't affect my brother and me much, as if those two didn't completely annihilate my view on love and relationships between people in general

[hypnotic-kink]

Tan lines?:)

100% RANT

Please don't take this personal @builtincalifornia, I'm not directing these comments towards you. I get the ASK, I went on vacation, and I have posted pics of my tan before & bikini pics. I did take some tan line pics and a few full body bikini pics on vacation, I was going to post them, but one super disrespectful guy ruined that request, so no, no tan lines will be posted ... I feel mentally abused after that guy. I also know I post some provocative pics and it can attract the mega pervs (who I end up blocking), I get it, I accept that will happen occasionally, and I can handle most comments. Some will say because I post pics "I'm asking for it," well, that's a bullshit cop out because you can have all the pervy thoughts you want to have, but you're either a decent human being in comments/DMs or not, so that excuse doesn't fly with me. Do better! Show your appreciation in a respectful way! I've gotten good at sidestepping this stuff but now I need to be crystal clear, my pictures give NO ONE the right to message me sexually, make demands, say nasty things and then get pissed when I say no and proceed to call me every name in the book. He's blocked and I will block anyone that displays childish behavior like that in DM or in my comments. If you agree with Him, block me and good riddance. If you think my pics are hot or sexy ...hey then I accomplished what I set out to do! I enjoy getting the aesthetics right on my pics, and that's awesome and I'm flattered when people think I took a great pic. Glad you like them! I also enjoy interacting on comments too, again, nothing wrong with that, newsflash, this is a photography and chat site (not a dating app). If I'm commenting to you that still isn't an open invitation to sexual comments or give anyone the right to have expectations towards me and I'll say most of you guys have been PRETTY AWESOME and I've cleaned out the really degrading ppl that used to make all the crude remarks. My blog IS a NSFW site after all, and I AM allowed to post whatever my little heart desires and let my exhibitionist side out in a safe environment if I chose to, there is NOTHING wrong with that. Don't get it twisted. I'm not here for a hook up, and I'm certainly not here to get you off. No one has the right to demand pictures of me. After 1 1/2 yrs. on this blog, the people I am friends with and do talk to in DM, you're there for a reason .... thank you for knowing my boundaries and respecting them and thank you for your friendship. Yes, women are allowed to have male friends on here, that doesn't mean we are sexting or have a sexual relationship with all of them. I do appreciate and value you. You're the best :)

To the people that want to judge me based off my posting sexy personal pictures. KISS MY ASS, you don't know me. You haven't even tried to know the woman behind the pictures & I don't have to agree with any Dom on his opinion & I certainly don't have to obey demands, from anyone, male, female, Dom or not. I'm sure there are many women who post pics that feel the same way as I do. Am I a sexual person? Absolutely, but I'm also not all about sex, so stop with the assumptions. I'm also a one-on-one relationship kind of women who isn't poly and isn't into multiple guys. So many like to lump all us women who post pics together like we're all sexting everyone in this place, but for me personally, you're wrong. I'm sure there are some men in here that the same assumptions are made too. I am not sexting any man in here and I say that publicly because I know it's the truth. I'm not a whore, a slut, or easy because I post pictures of myself. I'm pretty damn selective and there are many in here that know that and have said perhaps my expectations are even too high. AGAIN, No one owns me in here, I'm not a punching bag for you to hurl derogatory words at if you don't get your way and no one has the right to have any expectations of me, nor send dick pics, and I don't even have to respond to DMs if I choose not to. I'm always nice and polite to people who message, until it's time not to be. Me being polite is also not an invitation to say sexual comments. If I wanted to go down that path, I would, and you would know it. I'm not looking. Also, when men post their own pics, I support them 100%, that does not mean I want to get with them, or I'm perving on them. It takes guts to put yourself out there, for men and women. Men and women support me so why wouldn't I support them?! You guys all rock too! While I'm on a rant, do not, I repeat do NOT ask for more pictures of me if you do message me. READ PROFILES DAMMIT, mines crystal clear. PS: I not a prude, just sick of comments that men would never say to me if they were face to face with me in real life.

[fleursbending]

hello!! i hope you're doing well and don't forget to take care of yourself!!

could i please request a lo'ak x fem metkayina reader with dialogue prompt 5?

thank you so much if you do!! make sure you're taking breaks, okay? <3

𝐓𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐚 𝐇𝐢𝐧𝐭. | Lo'ak Sully

𝐬𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲 : while you were one of the most sought members of the clan for your intelligence, sometimes you tended to be as dense as a rock. or in other words, lo’ak proves time and time again - that he only wishes to be worthy of your love.

𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬 : lo'ak sully x fem!metkayina reader

𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐫𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐭 : 5. "Would you acknowledge my feelings for you if I kissed you right now? You can't seem to take a damn hint, [name]."

𝐚𝐮𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐫'𝐬 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐞 : this was part of a writing event i did for reaching 100 followers, it's crazy to me that now we are on the way to 1000. i'm forever grateful of all the love and support you guys give me! an official permanent prompt list will be up soon where you can request whatever you'd like any time. "ˏˋ °•*⁀➷" indicates a flashback. anyways enjoy loverboy lo'ak <333.

𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: dumb with love reader trope, reader is a dense mf, lo'ak is a lovesick fool, a lil angst but mostly fluff, minor cussing.

𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭 : 3.4k words !!!!

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 : @eywas-heir @spicycloudsalad @missdreamofendless @prty-poisxn @scarlettwitch-4 @23victoria @avidreader3107 @purplehyacinthss @itssiaaax @neteyamoa @tsireyasgf @nijirozzz @useryourbut @yua-himari @sweetheartlizzie07 @grierpilots @reneehillary69 @fruitsalad1

𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐖𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐀 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐌𝐈𝐍𝐃 𝐀𝐓 𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐘𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆, well almost everything it seems. The Metkayina clan admired you for your intelligence and quick thinking under pressure. Somehow you always found a way to alleviate high-tension situations and find solutions to ongoing issues in your community. 

Y/n was most well-known for her baskets, and while that may sound odd. It was her pride and joy. She’d found ways to intricately weave baskets of different sizes and durabilities. Being able to have more room for storage, or able to withhold more weight. It would give her an immense amount of comfort when people would praise her for such random yet useful interventions. 

For example, “the carrier” - an object weaved in the shape of the Na’vis shoulders so you can hang your clothes on them! A true miracle worker.

Don’t get Lo’ak wrong, he absolutely treasured those aspects of Y/n. But you were outright dumb sometimes, which was quite the contrasting statement. 

The poor Sully boy could hold a sign saying, “I don’t just see you, I thrive in your presence. I am the best version of myself when I am with you. I really like you!” Yet you’d still just nod and even fist-bump him, probably commenting on how sweet he is. 

Like God damn woman, take a hint! 

Were you just blind to love? Playing hard to get? Oblivious? Lo’ak truly did not know, and Kiri did not offer much help in that department either. 

The two girls were just starting to get close to one another, alongside Tsireya. And no one else wanted to be friends with the eldest Sully daughter. She was not risking a strain in a newly developed friendship just to help his ass feel better.

Maybe, he thought. Just maybe he wasn’t being obvious enough? From then on he decides to go the extra mile with his intentions.

Getting your food for you, walking you to places. Getting callouses and blisters on his hands just to learn your almost mystical weaving techniques just to take some of the workload off you.

Neteyam had witnessed these obvious advances and the shift in his demeanor, deciding to use this as ample opportunity to tease him.

He remarked, “Baby brother, that is what friends do.”

The younger had hissed, pushing the eldest in annoyance. 

Friends?! Is he fucking with me? Absolutely not. The boy had muttered to himself as he begrudgingly stomped out of the mauri. 

A new determination flickered in his eyes as he saw you in the distance, snickering at whatever girls talk about with Tsireya. 

Lo’ak would do whatever it takes and prove that he is worthy of your attention and love.

Instead of doing the normal thing, like asking your parents if he can court you. He figured, eh? Why not stir the pot in his own way? He’s an independent young man! He can handle this on his own.

His touches began to linger more, it felt like his scent had been roped to your skin. Always attentively wrapping an arm around your shoulders, or his large hand would basically engulf the entirety of your wrist. He’d guide you to little spots on the outskirts of Awa’atlu that he personally found great comfort in, even then the skin-to-skin contact would linger.

These were places you’ve lived amongst your entire life but always brushed by in passing. Your heart would grow twice the size, being able to witness the fondness twinkling in his eyes as he’d appreciate every single part of nature he came across.

It lit a spark deep within your bones, one you’d furiously try to stomp on to take out. 

Lo’ak did not help in that sense, considering he’d show how protective he was over you whenever a fellow boy of the clan would give you even an ounce of their attention. You’d nag at him to stop the act, saying you could handle it on your own.

The cherry on top? You’d pinch his cheek, and that was it. Nothing more, nothing less.

No, “Lo’ak you’re so handsome”. Or, “Lo’ak you take such great care of me, I like you too!”.

Day by day, he was becoming more fed up and frustrated. All he had to do back at home was slightly teasingly flirt with a girl for the heck of it, and they’d already be profusely blushing. 

But you had that sweet smile always gracing your face, and it wasn’t that he didn’t love it. Because frankly, he really does. 

It just felt like he was getting nowhere, prancing back and forth to try to encase himself in your heart. 

Lo’ak’s ego has never been shot down like this before, and it was dampening his mood. He just wanted to dote on you, be there for you. Not like he was now, but as a partner. Someone who could kiss you, cuddle you. He craved for you to ease his worries, to reciprocate his tumultuous feelings. 

To him, it felt like he was climbing up a tree that very soon he’d be pushed down from. He was praying to Eywa that all his efforts would be worth it in the end. 

If only he already knew Y/n returned all his feelings. To be fair, you weren’t the greatest at showing or even expressing it. In her eyes, she doesn’t perceive any of these motions Lo’ak is going through as anything more than platonic. 

Even Kiri is tired of this, because yeah. Maybe this friendship is willing to be strained and bent a bit because her dear brother is losing his literal marbles.

She can’t fault you though, you’ve told her time and time again. No boy had ever expressed such avid interest in you, you’ve always been an afterthought to them. They were almost always sent your way to collect your creations for their families. In their eyes, the Olo'eyktan's daughter was far more of a catch than she would ever be.

You were okay with that, to some degree it benefitted you. Although not this time.

His insecurities started to riddle him, eating up all the hopes and desires he had painted for the both of you. Can he not live up to whatever prior expectations you may already have going on in your pretty mind? Lo’ak can’t help but overthink because he feels like he is going nowhere.

Now, that wasn’t your intention at all. There was something about the boy that utterly terrified you, he was the first guy in her life that she actually considered a friend. That meant the entire world they orbited around to her. Lo’ak to her was new waves of entirely unexplored waters. It was a feeling that she hadn’t been able to delve into for eons.

Yn’s clan was isolated, in the middle of the ocean. Scattered amongst dozens of other villages alike the one she inhabits. Nothing remotely new had graced their presence for so long. 

How dare she not fall for the inquisitive and rebellious forest boy? Every day he gave her a taste of something so avant-garde to her already influential mind. Every day he gave her a new perspective and angle to a place she’s coexisted in her entire life. 

So while Lo’ak was concerned about his feelings being dismissed, Y/n was winded from even encountering them in the first place. 

࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ˳೫˚

There was something amiss. 

It’s now midday, and there hasn’t been any sighting of Lo’ak. Y/n didn’t see him at breakfast, or at his mauri. He wasn’t at their usual meeting spot either. She remembers it like the back of her hand, the corner to turn to get to her own mauri. He’d always be standing there with a coy smirk, leaning against the structure pole closest to him. Not today, though.

You’d been looking for him all day, even asking his siblings. They all gave you the same answer. “Do we ever know what he is truly up to?” 

Yeah, they had a good point on that one.

Y/n couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling nibbling at her stomach though. She had looked to where their families Ilu’s were kept, his was still there. She swam in the ocean, diving to his favorite spots. Her eyes even caught sight of Payakan in the distance, and there was no cute boy from the forest by his side. 

You start to feel a great sense of loss. This was something you certainly were not used to and never wanted to be. Day in and day out, he was without a doubt always here. By your side.

There was a certain emptiness creeping under your bones, lapping at the crevices of your heart and situating there. Dread poured down on you like the rain kissing at your teal skin. 

For the first time in these last few months, you had never felt so alone. 

Y/n had never felt so utterly vexed, and no one around her was giving any fucks. 

(Stupid Lo’ak, teaching her curse words. Stupid Lo’ak, for making her care so damn fucking much.)

She stomped to her mauri, letting out a restless sigh as the rain ceased. Grabbing at her supplies she made it her own personal mission to situate at a part of the island not regularly inhabited. 

You missed him and the solace his presence brought you. His little snarky remarks or complaints about Ao’nung being a dickhead again. Or Lo’ak whining as you would mend his wounds, blisters scattered across his palms and fingertips. Work and effort he had put into helping you figure out the new invention that had been weighing on your mind. 

Just the little things that should be so minor, weren’t to you.

Now you can’t help but ponder on it, maybe he does feel the same way you do? That perhaps it wasn’t all so black and white. Rather instead, something far more complex and out of your vicinity. 

Another sigh fell from your lips at the thoughts that you continued to mull over. Leaning against the tree behind you, when suddenly the importance of this place hit you.

It was the first time you had witnessed Lo’ak, all alone.

 

࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ˳೫

ˏˋ °•*⁀➷ No parents nearby were scouring his every move, siblings lingering to tease him and oddly make him feel even more like an outcast. Thank Eywa too, for there were no bullies there. 

It was just him and you now.

Y/n could tell he was dealing with utter turmoil, so you had adjusted your hold on the basket full of materials weighing heavily in your arms. Oddly enough it was filled with things to weave even more baskets, this time of varying sizes with colour in them. You wanted them to look more pretty, and eye-catching. 

She watched as his hands that were dug into the sand, moved to scribble whatever his heart had desired to draw. They came to a still, as your presence drew itself closer to his. 

Lo’ak was convinced you’d ignore him out of shameless disgust, just like everyone else does in this clan, and walk by without a word. But all you had given him was that smile, and he knew from then on your soul was too gentle for this cursed world.

You tilted your basket to him, showing the contents inside of it. “Would you like to learn how to make the best baskets in all of Metkayina?” She peered down at him, with such tender luminous eyes. 

How could he say no to that?

His mind was astray, and he didn’t really know how you knew that he needed a distraction. 

But with a nod of his head, as he straightened his posture, you let out a quiet noise - something akin to a cheer. Making yourself comfortable in front of him as you sat down, you took everything out and laid it on the sand with such care. 

There, he tuned in to another lesson. 

The whole time he pretended he didn’t know anything, Neytiri totally didn’t teach him how to weave or anything at a young age, not at all! He had good reasoning to do so because your voice sounded and felt so saccharine and cozy. It had reminded him of the fruits back at home.

Lo’ak also couldn’t help but admire how your worry lines would become evident and scrunch up when he’d make a little rookie mistake. Ever patient as you are, you’d glide your hand over his and ease him over the instructions once again.

For a boy who complained so much, not a peep came from his mouth as he learned from you. 

࿐ ࿔*:･ﾟ˳೫

A strange sense of deja vu washed over Lo’ak as he witnessed you leaning against an all too familiar tree. Y/n was mapping out the contents of her mind into the grains of sand closest to her. 

He’d been nestled in his own head the whole day, trying to understand the situation he had desperately wondered if he should pluck himself out of.

Lo’ak wondered then, had you admired him just as much as he was in this very moment? 

Taking a deep breath, he then stalked over to you.

The swooshing of the sand moving abruptly caught your attention, making Y/’s eyes dart up.

You call for Lo’ak, and it melts him to the core. He always loves the unintentional dip in your tone whenever you’d pronounce the last part of his name.

He didn’t know what burned in him then, but he felt it was now or never.

As he grabbed your arms and dragged you up, Y/n could only stumble into his chest with a faint “oomph”. The Sully boy leaned back, hands drastically moving to smooth your hair back which had fluttered everywhere due to his abrupt actions. 

He gazes at you then, unpacking everything that made you who you are for the hell of it. For the reason that he’s afraid. He’ll wither in tremendous sorrow if he doesn’t get some form of confirmation from you.

Lo’ak cannot keep playing himself with the what-ifs, he needed to hear what now.

"Would you acknowledge my feelings for you if I kissed you right now? You can't seem to take a damn hint, Y/n," Lo’ak uttered with a voice mellowed in affection. 

Her mouth opened, then closed, repeat. Gaping, reminiscent of the fish in the ocean a few steps away from both of them. With watchful eyes he saw as you suck your teeth in, nibbling nervously on your bottom lip.

Y/n hesitates, cautious but unable to fight against it. Your hands seek and grip his shoulders. A force so soft, so kind, so you. Lo’ak exhaled. 

“Your feelings for me?” Y/n croaked, sheer shock displayed on her features.

He could only laugh and shake his head in utter disbelief, his braids almost covering the eyes you worshipped upon. Oh my God, you truly are that clueless. 

Lo’ak looked at your hands that splayed on his shoulders, before tilting back up to peer down at you.

“My feelings for you… they are all-consuming. You surround me, like the tides of this very ocean,” He points out to the vast sea to the side of you two.

He continues, “and it hurts. I am in pain because I feel like I am drowning in it. And you aren’t there. I dream of you, I think of you, I act like! Like my brother for you. You do not witness my loss of breath, my all that I give! For, you.” 

He specifically targeted the fullness of his passion and annunciated in the last two words, hoping his point had finally gotten across to you. His face paints an exasperated expression, wounding you deeply. 

Your brain is as much of a mess as the fishing nets you and Kiri had tried to untangle this morning. The clarity that leaches onto you feels all too antagonizing. Y’n tries to reason, but he shakes his head again. Putting his hand over yours that still weighs on his shoulder. 

As if the entire weight of an Ikran pressed into him. It was daunting and petrifying. 

Treacherous at the seams. 

He gulps and lets the gates flood. “I know you are not dumb, far from it. Your mind is so fucking bright, that even I still get surprised by how you handle even the most mundane things. Even up to now, even if I’ve observed you hurdle through your daily activities constantly.” 

Y/n whispers his name again, lips pulled to a frown and Lo’ak wants the sand beneath him to swallow him whole. But he must know.

“I fear you are clueless though. Do you not see or feel how I do?” He voices his prior thoughts.

The nail to the coffin.

He had never sounded so desperate before. Lo’ak had always been a spitfire of sorts, and sure he had his moments. Although this time he was pleading, yearning, and aching. 

Somehow like a miracle, it was directed your way only.

You twist your head, gulping to try to muster up a source of confidence and understanding to power past this.

This is Lo’ak, the boy who barely left your side since finding each other. Your Lo’ak who you knew so well. Always there for him through thick and thin. The youngest son who looked up to his brother so fiercely, with a dad he could never seem to understand.

She looks up at him, properly and with conviction. “I do see, I do feel. I do, all for you,” Y/n begs to be heard, and his irises are blown.

He too never heard you so desperate.

Y/n embraces all that Lo’ak is, just like the very first time she laid her azure eyes on his. 

“I guess, I am just incapable of seeing the signs. I do not have any experience in this…area of things.” You shyly whisper at the end, cheeks flaming at what you hinted at.

Lo’aks eyebrows furrow. He’s trying to obtain some understanding as his thumb grazes the apple of your cheek before cupping the side of your face.

You see him. You really do.

“I am usually only sought out for my intelligence, not of anything else. Lo’ak, no one has ever seen me in the light you seem to.” Her eyes look wistful as if she’s been transferred back to past events.

For good measure, you add on, grumbling. “My parents aren’t excellent examples to learn from either.”

Lo’ak croons, “I’m sorry.”

You grin up at him, and this time something shined. Lo’ak did not know if it was his heart or the slight difference in your expression, but there was something new mingling in the air.

His thoughts become fried as you tilt your head further up, balancing on the tip of your toes. Lo’aks hand almost slips from its grasp on your face. However, now you’re really close. Lips hovering over his as you coo, “Please accept this apology for making you so infuriated.”

Not only did you whisk his thoughts away, but his very breath too. You kiss him, this time being the first one to take action. It almost ceases the boy's heart altogether, you took this leap for him. For the future of you both.

As you retract from him, a pleading whine fell from the boy in front of you as he raced to chase your lips.

Y/n giggles at his actions, admiring the boy in front of her.

By Eywa, you were indeed a clueless fool.

The eyes who looked into yours now were so unlatched, expressing everything else he couldn’t say in words. That was the same gaze he gave you the very first time you’d see each other at the start of the day, and all throughout until the end. Awaiting to repeat itself the following day.

“I’ll only accept your apology after you let me have a few more kisses.” He interrupts your intrusive thoughts, and you could only laugh bashfully as you sink back into the entirety of him.

“Alright, Lo’ak. Whatever you say goes, it seems.” You mutter against his lips, and as you’re brought into a second kiss. His hand settles at the back of your head, guiding you. 

Y/n can’t help but think, she wouldn’t mind learning about the ways of love with him. Whether that was through actions or words. Even a simple passing look. 

Just like he listened and learned your ways of the Metkayina clan. You’d do the same because now you see. Now you can finally observe what makes Lo’ak so incredible. 

It’s how he bestowed love so boundlessly.

𝒇𝒍𝒆𝒖𝒓𝒔𝒃𝒆𝒏𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 ━━━ 𝟐𝟎𝟐𝟑

⤷ feedback and reblogs are always much appreciated ! feel free to ask through my inbox if you would like to join my taglist. ♡

[celiciaa]

GILBERT VON OBSIDIAN EVENT STORY....

IF A VAMPIRE TARGETS YOU ~THE BEAST AND THE SISTER~

translations are not 100% accurate. expect mistakes.

trigger warning: religious theme, blood. ( idk how i feel about this story tbh 🧍‍♀️)

minors and ageless blogs dni.

If I were the sister and he was a vampire—….

(I think it's about time….)

In the empty chapel at midnight, I was looking towards the door——

From the darkness, the long-awaited person appeared without a sound.

Gilbert: Miss Saint, you came to offer your blood to me today, didn't you? Thank you?

Lord Gilbert smiled and walked toward me.

(To offer my blood...)

As a sister, this shouldn't happen, but,

I had visited the chapel by myself many times in the middle of the night, just in time for Lord Gilbert's arrival.

Gilbert: I'm glad you're a devoted woman. Thanks to that, other people don't have to be sacrificed.

(How can I resist when you talk to me like this?)

Emma: …If my blood doesn't cause any casualties, I'm happy to oblige. // If my blood doesn't kill any victims, I'm happy to oblige.

Emma: I will give my blood to you until you’re satisfied, Lord Gilbert.

Gilbert: Yes. Thank you.

As usual, Lord Gilbert flashes a fresh smile on his lips.

That smile made me feel a prickling pain in my chest.

(There's nothing I can do about saying it myself…and feeling hurt.)

Whether or not he knew what was going on in my heart, Lord Gilbert gently embraced me as if he was my lover.

Gilbert: Come on. Lift your hair.

I did as I was told and lifted my hair, then Lord Gilbert sank his fangs into my neck without hesitation.

Emma: Ouch…

(No matter how many times I experience this, I can’t get used to it.)

The pain that spreads rapidly is unbearable, and the back of my eyes begin to heat up.

Gilbert: …Haa, how is your blood this delicious?

Gilbert: I find it so hard not to kill——

Gilbert: Did it hurt so bad that you cried? You really are.

Emma: Because Lord Gilbert bites every time he sucks….

Gilbert: Hehe, I bite into someone I like. Sorry?

(This man…never changes.)

Saying things like, "I’ve taken another human hostage," and each time he violently sucks my blood and leaves bite marks on me.

(I'm sure you just think of me as bait.)

(So why am I still here….)

I am hopelessly in love with a dangerous and abominable vampire.

It's sad and painful, and my vision becomes even more blurry.

(I don't even know myself. Why am I so attracted to him?)

(As a sister, I know it's wrong.)

As I look down, Lord Gilbert peered into my face and kisses my eyes.

Gilbert: You must be thinking of something strange, right? But too bad. I never thought of you as bait.

Emma: Eh…

Gilbert: Speaking of bait…. *bites*

Emma: ….!!

Suddenly, his fangs sank deeply into my skin, and I immediately stopped breathing.

The pain was so intense that I could not even raise my voice.

Gilbert: It's not something that can be treated violently/roughly like this. You don't need kindness, do you?

(So you're saying you've been holding back?)

I was confused as I pressed my hand over the area where I had been sucked.

(You never thought of me as a bait….then, what do you think of me, Lord Gilbert…?)

Gilbert: The reason I defiled a pure saint like you was not because I wanted your blood, but because I wanted you.

Gilbert: The blood of someone I love tastes good.

Gilbert: I need you to continue to sacrifice for the peace of the world.

Emma: ….

(You must be lying…)

My thoughts were completely taken away by his unexpected words.

Lord Gilbert looked at me with a soft eye in fascination.

Gilbert: …Hehe, I can't believe you smiled so happily at what I just said, you really are a saint.

(Am I smiling? And I look happy too….)

I was puzzled, but at the same time strangely satisfied.

(….I had fallen in love with Lord Gilbert so much.)

(Just hearing him say that he loves me makes my heart pound so hard it hurts.)

I know it's wrong for a sister to do this, but I can't stop the joy that overflows.

I found myself wrapping my arms around Lord Gilbert's back and hugging him.

Emma: I…love you too, Lord Gilbert.

Gilbert: Yeah. I know.

Gilbert: The reason I want you so much is because of your blood.

Gilbert: That's how special you are. You understand that, yes?

Once again, Lord Gilbert sank his teeth on my neck.

Emma: Nn…aahh.

(What is this…..)

Unlike before, my soft voice spills out of my lips with a pleasure that can't be expressed in words.

There’s a tingle in the pit of my stomach and I cannot stand up properly.

Gilbert: You sound pleasant. You surely like it when it doesn't hurt, don't you?

He smiles happily, and this time he digs his fangs deeply into a different spot, drinking my blood.

Emma: Aah…nngh, Lord Gilbert….I feel weird….

Gilbert: Weird?

Emma: My body...is hot...

Gilbert: It's okay, there's no need to worry. It's just that your body is aching and tingling as your blood is sucked by me.

My blood was sucked again, and a violent impulse ran from my toes to the top of my head.

Emma: A—Aaahh—…!

The next moment, my body shook violently and my lewd voice echoed through the chapel.

(I'm so embarrassed. I didn’t know my voice was like that….)

Just thinking about it makes me cry out in shame.

Lord Gilbert gently picks me up and kisses me on the lips.

The faint taste of blood seemed to tell me that it was real.

Gilbert: I guess it felt too good not to hurt. You made such a cute voice and your eyes were rolling back.

Gilbert: But I'm sure you'll want the pain again.

Emma: Why is that?

Gilbert: Because you've fallen in love with me.

Gilbert: I did a lot of painful things to you, didn't I?

(I did fall in love with him, even though he did a lot of painful things to me.)

(I was attracted to Gilbert's unfathomable nature/side.)

(I feel like I want him to give me whatever he gives me, pain, fear, anything.)

I no longer feel guilty for betraying the God I had so much faith in.

That's how much I had already been violated, body and soul, by Lord Gilbert.

[hippiegoth97]

Let Me Make Some Shit Clear

Hey, everybody. I never thought I would have to make a post like this, but here we go. Today I was tagged in a post by the lovely @violetpixiedust (please check out their post about this as well they cover it extremely well) and found out I was mentioned in a 'call-out' post for my Gator Tillman one-shot. The OP of the call-out post didn't have the balls to tag me, and instead listed me with many others and blocked me unprovoked. Here's screenshots of that post. I'll go into my feelings on that in a second. But, take a moment to read through all that.

So, let's set the record straight so nobody misunderstands me.

I do not in any way support MAGA bullshit, or any conservative ideology of any kind. I am a bisexual, leftist, atheist woman who believes in equality, respect, and rights for all.

I do not condone the awful actions of Gator Tillman, or his shit father. My story was very clear on that as well, he's extremely flawed and I thought I made that obvious. I really tried to drive home the fact that he's a product of abuse.

I was rooting for Dorothy Lyon the whole fucking season, because she is a badass woman who has been through too much for one lifetime. I myself am a victim of child abuse which has carried on into my adulthood. I know her. I am her. But I also know, and am, Gator. The OP also completely glazes over the fact that Gator was extremely abused. We see how Roy treats his 'property'. I do not think Gator would have been able to leave the ranch either, unless he got married off. If he left, he would be hunted down too.

Also, Gator knows he did bad things, he was ready to go to jail to pay for them as long as his awful father was kept away from him. Because he FEARED HIM. He was literally a child stuck in a grown man's body, and that is how we sympathize with him. And he killed that poor old woman on accident, I'm sure he took no pleasure in that. And the man in the skirt paid him back triple.

And another thing, it's fanfiction. And for those of you who have been in the trenches as long as I have would know that all kinds of stories get told in this community of ours. Is it always ethical? no. Is it always 100% morally sound? No. Does it explore many taboo subjects through artistic expression? Hell yes. There is a ton of stuff out there that I find repulsive and would never read. I will not say what because it is not my place to censor or judge others, or tell them how to express themselves. I simply focus on the works I do like, and read those. And this is something new fandom culture has seemed to have forgotten. Over and over I see people wringing their hands at smut, or subjects they find triggering, or things society says are wrong. But you're really opening a fucking can of worms when you're calling for the reporting, banning, and censorship of those who think differently than you. That's how you get laws like KOSA that directly target POC and LGBTQ+ content because some think it's 'pervasive' to children. That's how you get laws prohibiting teaching real history and removing diverse books from libraries.

Lastly, I will NEVER, EVER censor myself to please others. I will write whatever the fuck I want. You don't have to like it. That's fine. I learned a long time ago that I'm not to everyone's taste. And I've long since stopped giving a rat's ass about it. I am an artist, and I will continue to create the art that I am passionate about until my last dying breath.

[poppyandzena]

never thought about it exactly like this, but the Poppy story is:

I am a licensed therapist who literally markets myself as someone with a superior understanding of relationships, boundaries, mental health and polyamory.

I was in a 4 month online relationship with a woman who was constantly breaking my boundaries, not "showing up", not doing the work, and not doing any of the research I asked her to do.

None of that was enough for me to end the relationship, though. I couldn't, because I was transfixed my her being my FP, I was completely powerless. None of my therapy or skills could possibly have helped me with that at all. It's not MY responsibility.

Also, that woman repeatedly told me that she was not really into sex, which is really upsetting for me because I am hypersexual and identify as a succubus. I made that clear to her all the time. I attempted to tell her at least a dozen times that her expressing herself as having a low sexual interest (and then being ACE) was upsetting to me, but she never changed her mind about it to please me!

What a monster she was! It's not like I could have ended the relationship at any point! I couldn't! Even though I'm a licensed therapist with so much experience and skill, I had absolutely no options but to stay in this situation!

Then, we had this big fight right before this trip I was supposed to come on! Things were really tense for days, and she kept trying to break up with me.

Obviously I wasn't going to LET her just break up with me before we had a chance to meet in person! I already had all of these fantasies about us being together, and I put all of this weight on the importance of this trip! She wasn't allowed to just abandon it just because she had concerns and fears and because we were fighting!! She was just NOT SHOWING UP YET AGAIN! But I wasn't going to let that happen. So, yeah, I asked her to pretend for me and try to act like everything was fine, because it was better for me - but don't you see how manipulative SHE was being?

So we finally get to the hotel, and it's going fine, but I'm on edge the whole time because everything has been so weird, but she seems to not be bringing up the fights, so I guess everything is fine!

So that night, I initiate sex, because of course I do! And she goes along with it. And then I do it again later, and same thing.

So I think, GREAT! EVERYTHING IS GREAT!

She definitely wouldn't have had sex with me if everything wasn't great! Plus, it's not like she ever told me that she wasn't enthusiastic about sex in the past. She NEVER said before that she would really only do sex with me to please me!

So I was SHOCKED when everything went to shit the next day! Zena was just yelling and I then Noeh just tried to leave and finally did!

And then I started to think about it:

Wait... Why did Noeh leave? It couldn't have been because I did anything wrong!! Not me!

She must've only been there for the SEX and to test her feelings! OMG, yes! Looking back it, she was never listening to ME! I told her how important sex was to me, and she WEAPONIZED THAT! She used it as a TEST!

She TOOK ADVANTAGE OF ME!

I'm looking back now and realizing that for MONTHS I've been totally manic and out of my mind!

I COULDN'T HAVE CONSENTED!

AND NOEH SHOULD HAVE *KNOWN* THAT!

Me, the licensed therapist, couldn't even see it until now, but it's NOEH'S RESPONSIBILITY. Sure I've been posting videos and having relationships and giving my opinions - those are all still FINE! None of that was a problem, of course!

And Zena, who knows me better than anyone, ALSO couldn't see it! But it's NOEH'S RESPONSIBILITY!

But it's not like I'm saying we might have blind spots or be wrong or our opinion is an issue! No way! We're still the smartest people who know everything and won't listen to anyone's opinions!

We are always 100% right about everything but this one thing!

Because anyone who can't see the truth is an apologist. And the truth is clearly that:

This person I'd only known for 4 months online, during which I was apparently manic the ENTIRE TIME, obviously took advantage of their knowledge of me, and used that knowledge to just get something from me and move on!

If she didn't want to have that sex, or wasn't sure about it, it was 1,000% her responsibility to say it and turn me down. Sure, I'd told her a dozen times how much that would devastate me, but that's HER problem.

That's R*PE plain and simple.

^^ @noehflake

[ace-sher-bi-john]

Info On My Identity:

Romantic - Pan Greyromantic and/or Cupioromantic, Romance Favorable

Greyromantic because while I can't really say for sure if I've ever experienced romantic attraction before, I have experienced crushes, or rather squishes, before. They could have been purely aesthetic or platonic attraction, I think my brain is like holding out hope that I might actually be able to experience romantic attraction. As amatonormative as it sounds. It's mostly because I'm going to attempt to seek out a romantic relationship someday once I've finally "got my life together" whatever that means, and I would feel super guilty for the person I date if there's zero romantic attraction there on my part...

Cupioromantic perfectly describes me, as I want to participate in romantic relationships and get married someday, despite experiencing little to no romantic attraction. The reason I haven't used this label until now is because I read that some people in the aromantic community don't like it as an identity label due to it technically describing a behavior that you can control (whether you get into romantic relationships or not) rather than a feeling that you can't control (whether you experience romantic attraction or not), and it's seen by some in the community as reinforcing amatonormativity. I didn't want to upset people if using cupioromantic was wrong. But it's not. Cupioromantic is a valid identity, if anyone needed to hear that. I will be using cupioromantic from here on out, along with the other labels I use.

Up until now, I've been using romance favorable to describe that sentiment. That still applies, I am a romantic, despite being aromantic. The aromantic only applies to the type of attraction I experience, and has nothing to do with my desires.

I also use pan to describe me on top of all that because the few times I've had squishes, I've had them on both men and women. It felt more like the "genderblind" version of pan attraction as it was more about thinking they were adorable and liking their personality without gender coming to the equation at all. Going by this logic, I feel like this could also apply to nonbinary, trans and cis people of all gender identities. It doesn't matter to my brain whatsoever.

Sexual - Asexual, Sex Averse/Sex Favorable (depends on the day)

I identify as asexual. Although whether I'm sex-averse or sex-favorable depends on how I'm feeling each day. Ever since I opened myself up to reading explicit fanfics my brain has become more open to the idea of at least giving sex a try. It still sounds a bit icky sensory wise, but I think that if I tried it with someone who I trusted to respect my boundaries, I would be comfortable with giving it a go. Obviously I won't try it if I'm not 100% comfortable. Although I do want to have kids one day, and this is the "cheapest" way to do it. I'm not affording adoption, sperm bank or test tube baby on a preschool teacher salary lol.

Gender - Genderfluid and depending on the day I identify as either woman or gendervoid. Sometimes I feel like both describe me at the same time.

I was assigned female at birth, and I still very much identify with being a girl. I love presenting in a feminine way, I love traditionally feminine things, feel most comfortable using she/her/hers pronouns and feel confident in my body. But I've always felt a slight detachment between myself and other women. Whenever issues affecting women come up, my brain would always think like "Oh that's not good, I'm sorry that's happening to them" as though it doesn't affect me, despite the fact that I'm a woman. I have almost a dissociation between women and me even though I belong to that group.

I really thought about gender identity to see if I identify with any of the other gender identities out there, and every time I've always come back from it with "Definitely still cisgender woman, but with a hint of nonbinary". I didn't identify with the nonbinary part of me because I didn't want to lie about my identity if I'm actually a cis girl. But then, when a transphobic classmate jokingly asked me what my pronouns were, I came to the realization that I don't really care. I will always be most comfortable with she/her, but they/them and he/him and even neopronouns don't feel wrong on me. They feel neutral. I wouldn't feel uncomfortable being referred to by any of them. After a bit more research, I found the agender identity and it certainly described me, but it didn't really feel quite right either. Then I found gendervoid and it felt perfect. Gendervoid and agender basically mean the same thing, not identifying with any gender identity and feeling like you don't have a gender. But gendervoid specifically describes feeling like there's a void where your gender identity should be. That describes the dissociation from any gender identity that I experience a lot of the time. But I still identify as a girl as well.

Genderfluid still doesn't feel quite right, but it does describe me feeling both identities together.

Anyway that is everything that you need to know about my identity for now. If anything about this changes, I will probably make another post explaining it :)

[gaycapfan19]

My name is Bob, and I am almost certainly a VERY Gay man. My only lingering doubts on this are related to my gender identity, NOT my sexual orientation, and these thoughts stem from the main reason that I managed to delude myself into thinking that I was Bisexual for most of my adult life (I know that some men truly are Bi, it just took me FAR too long to realize that I am not one of those men). I have never enjoyed heterosexual intercourse. Only once in my life have I ever been able to climax that way, and only because I imagined that the woman I was fucking (a bitch who insisted on having sex with me with the lights out) was cheating on an imaginary boyfriend who (in my mind) caught us in the act and, instead of stopping us, told me to keep fucking his woman while he fucked my ass to keep me hard enough to finish inside her (THANKFULLY I had a condom on). It has always bothered me that I could not truly enjoy vaginal intercourse because I have, on multiple occasions, genuinely enjoyed eating pussy. Not because of the taste (I have NEVER liked that), but because I like giving people orgasms. Also because I did my research and I knew what I was doing with the few vaginas that I've gone down on, and I genuinely hoped that my mouth and tongue would never fail to give at least one orgasm to every woman I ever went down on when I was younger (Pussy Free since April 2008!!!).

It is a genuine crime against Humanity (committed by Nature itself) that Evolution made it so the female orgasm is never guaranteed, and I HATE such unfairness (biological or otherwise). On an unconscious level, I believe that this desire to see women ALWAYS get the orgasms that they deserve is what drew me to lesbian porn (which has ALWAYS made me cum MUCH harder than straight porn ever has, and straight porn only really works when I watch clips of videos that either feature blowjobs by women who genuinely enjoy sucking dick or anal sex featuring women who truly LOVE taking it in the ass, and even then these videos only work if I imagine myself as the woman). I know for a fact that I don't want to fuck a pussy ever again, because my little Gay dick is just shy of six inches and it will NEVER be up to the task of giving women the orgasms that they deserve, even if I actually did want to feel a vagina wrapped around my little Gay dick again (which I DON'T). But a part of me will still ALWAYS want to forget my homosexuality and ignore the bad taste of vaginas so I can give women the oral orgasms that they deserve, that FAR too few straight men are willing to put in the work to give to their women properly. If I'm being honest, willingly being able to give to women what too few straight ever care to is probably the only reason I truly enjoyed eating pussy at all. It was work, (something that no sex act should ever feel like), but it still felt oddly fulfilling... until I was expected to fuck the women I went down on and then could never "deliver" for either of us during that "main event." Sigh...

Lesbian porn helps me to rationalize my desire to give women orgasms that will never "agree" with my homosexuality. By imagining myself as a woman pleasing other women, the idea of eating pussy suddenly becomes Gay, and Gay sex stuff is something that I can quite easily get behind. This has also led me to wonder about my gender identity. If imagining myself as a woman pleasing other women gets me off as hard as it does, then maybe I am actually a Transgender woman and not a Gay man. I'm also incredibly turned on by the idea of crossdressing before having Gay male sex, so maybe, if I AM a Trans woman, I wouldn't even be Gay at all. Maybe I was right to call myself Bi all along and I just got my gender identity wrong this whole time. Who honestly knows? I'm keeping my options open on that, but until I know for sure, and as long as my body remains distinctly male, I am 100 percent Gay until I am proven to be Trans. My mouth may not hate pussy as much as one would expect a Gay man's mouth to do so, but my penis certainly does. So, we'll see how things turn out...

[booboodaddysblog]

Drunk talk with Colin

Colin is sitting at the bar when James March's fiancée joins him…

——————————————————🩶—————————————————

Roberta: Hi Colin! Omg! Colin you’re drunk!

Colin: Who is drunk? Me? No way!

Roberta: Yes you, Colin, you are sooo drunk! Why?!

Colin: No woman wants me! What's left for me! I will drink whenever I can…

Roberta: You are wrong, my dear Colin, many woman want you! You need to open your eyes and see that love is just close to you!

Colin: I just... I just.... no... it's hard… I had a fiancée and suddenly she left me a week before the planned wedding date. And I just... it's hard for me to open up to something new. All I can do is drink and cry.... It's so pathetic…

Roberta: That's really sad! I'm so sorry to hear that somebody has hurt your feelings, you don't deserve it, but women are not all the same! Maybe it is to early to open up, take your time! And you are not pathetic, you are soo sexy!

Colin: Am I sexy? Wow! I don't know what to say! I just... eh I repeat myself... I guess that's how I need more time... yes... too bad you prefer James.. I know I'm drunk, but... do I have any chance with you?

Roberta: So are you asking this only because you are drunk?! I prefer James, but Colin, how can I say it... for you I would make an exception to the rule!

Colin: Let's not get into details, but yes, alcohol gives me courage! What do you have in mind, for me you can make an exception?

Roberta: Colin for you I’m getting into trouble!! So I think that it means a lot!

Colin: Do you think James knows we're dating? This is dating, right?

Roberta: I'm 100% sure he knows, when I ask him to go out the hotel, he gets so angry, but I challenge him! Beacuse I like it! Do you want it to be a date?

Colin: You are so brave, I like it! I can already imagine James' vein pulsing on his forehead! Poor James! But this is so much fun! Yes, I want it to be a date!

Roberta: His vein pulsing is so sexy! I wonder what makes you angry? So let's go to our first date!

Colin: Are you with James for fun and to annoy him? That's hilarious!

What annoys me? Hmm... vague situations, that's for sure... lack of specifics, that annoys me a lot. And when something doesn't go my way. I think I'm not the only one who has that

Roberta: Nooo I love James, but I also want to live my life outside the hotel, and I know that I can do it with you! And of course I really like you! So I guess I’ll be vague when you ask me something or I’ll complain a lot! I want to know your aggressive side!

Colin: To use James' words "that’s sounds obscene"… I wonder why you want to know my aggressive side? I'm drunk, it won't be easy to piss me off. But you can try, go ahead

Roberta: Living with him, I’m becoming like him so everything seems obscene… and I really don't know what I can ask you to piss you off, maybe the fact that the train to Colinwood didn't went as expected? (this story is in drafts🙈)

Colin: Honestly, as far as the train case is concerned... I was happy... at first... but there was so much ambiguity, complaining... I just gave up, and yeah… that's not my style. Well, I don't think about it anymore. I am now focused on work and currently on you

Roberta: You're focusing on me because you are drunk, alone and sad! And I know you have a crush for your partner, don't you?

Colin: Since I met you and since I tasted your lips, it's hard to think of anyone else but you. Yes I am drunk, I won't hide it, but currently I don't want to think about my stressful job when I can relax with you

Roberta: I think I'm making a mess! I'm going beyond the borders… maybe I'm not ready to make the exception on to the rule. And please don't look at me like this… I’m not going to kiss you, I want, but I can't… I’m so sorry Colin…

Colin: I understand and apologize for demanding too much from you. I won't look at you like that anymore, or at least I will try, but it's not easy… you’re someone important to me…

————————————🩶———————————

I think I like it.... I like the dialogue so much... well it's sad, a little funny... couldn't be more different. I hope you will like it too, let me know ❤️

Part one👇

@robnovetre @team-evan-peters @spill-the-t @yes-divine-ruler @my-own-walker @frankenkyle19 @taintandviolent @undeadcortez @innocent-writers-soul @paulinepaul @silverzoomies @divineruler

[ftmcutiepie]

when you say you kind of get gender euphoria from this, is that to say like the /mis/gendering actively implies its incorrect? or that its like being a feminine masculine person? i guess this is asking whether girl is a modifier or a noun for you

Pretty much yes.

I've seen it phrased this way before and it always resonated with me, so yeah, kinda the whole point of my misgendering kink is that it's /mis/gendering, and in that way it's kinda paradoxically validating if that makes sense.

I'm not 100% sure what you mean with the second question, but I'll just dump my thoughts on it / gender roles/expression I guess under the cut lol.

Sooo I think one of the main reasons why I have this kink is that I've always been more traditionally "feminine" than stereotypically "masculine", and that caused some insecurity/internalized transphobia for me.

Like, I felt like I didn't have the "right" to call myself a real man, that I must be non-binary because a real man wouldn't xyz.

I never like actually believed that anyone (else) needed to be a certain way to be a "real man", I know that's bullshit, I just struggled with that stuff relating to MYSELF, if that makes sense.

Over time, I overcame those "self-doubts" and realized I'm literally just a binary trans guy and only really comfortable with he/him pronouns - maybe he/they if another trans person uses those pronouns for me, but my mother tongue doesn't really have gender-neutral pronouns so it's not really relevant IRL.

BUT I'm still insecure about OTHER PEOPLE not seeing/accepting me as a "real man" because I'm trans and not stereotypically masculine.

So for me this kink is a way to

a) kinda explore my "femininity" in a sexy way to make in fun and kinda "reclaim" it in a way

b) deal with those anxieties, being called a fake boy and a girl, literally being told I'm not/will never be a "real man" in a safe environment where it's all fun and pretend and like I said, because I ask to be misgendered and people respond by calling me a girl, that means I'm actually a boy, yk?

But yeah like I do have traditionally "feminine" traits and I do enjoy wearing feminine clothes not just in a sexual way, that's why I like the term femboy (feminine boy) for myself.

Sorry maybe I am stupid but I'm not sure what you mean with the third question either😅

Like, a noun can be a modifier?😅

I guess in the term ftm girl "ftm" modifies "girl". I'm a girl that's ftm. Paradoxical, isn't it? That's why I'm not a (cis) girl.

I'm like those shitposts(?) that are like "I'm like if a boy was a girl". But not in a non-binary way. More in a gendernonconforming way. Like a femboy.

I do feel like trans men can - and I do - have a specific "relationship" to femininity that most other people, specifically cis ones don't have.

Like, I'm a guy, I came out because there was no way I could be happy living as a girl/woman. But, at least for me, "girlhood"/"womanhood" wasn't always some dysphoric nightmare, I did enjoy parts of it. That doesn't make me a woman, but at the same time, I shouldn't have to give up "femininity" just because I'm a guy. Still, many people do believe that there are right and wrong ways to be a certain gender, and trans people already are on thin fucking ice just for being trans. God forbid they don't adhere to gender roles and cissexist standards to a T😂

I guess, this is just me having fun with my gender (expression). Sometimes a boy can "be a girl" (= enjoying femininity I guess) without that having any impact on his actual gender identity (= actually being a girl).

[therewithinthestars]

soooo.... jade shadows......

i have........... very mixed feelings? i think i am mostly disappointed (for personal reasons) and kind of uncomfortable (also for personal reasons)

i'm not hating or anything, i just need to put my thoughts somewhere to process them - and i have noone to talk to about warframe

so first of all i went into the quest with zero expectations - i didn't keep up much with the hype/news/etc so i had no idea what this quest was gonna be about, and i was bit shocked, ngl lol also to be 100% honest, stories of this type of parenthood and pregnancy is something i am completely uninterested in. I have no desire to ever have children myself and lack this,,,, drive and understanding, so i could not relate to anything in this quest at all. which doesn't make it necessarily bad - not everything has to be for me - but it is definitely a huge reason behind my feelings of discomfort/disappointment (as Stalker IS my very favourite character and I was hoping for a relatable story)

but other than that, it felt bit.... short, for sure. I know Warframe quests are usually vague and don't tell us much, but this felt almost underdeveloped, maybe? it felt like there was almost no build up for the characters and emotions, it lacked depth - it relied a lot on the fact that there's an impossible pregnancy!! and all those big emotions that most people have subconciously connected with pregnancy/ new life/ babies. but I do not have those kind of strong emotions about this personally, and so,,, it felt kind of flat? because there are definitely stories out there that deal with similar topics, but that are written better - or in a way, where even me, can feel the emotions/the depth, if that makes sense?

like that scenes where the corpus/sisters stop the firing just because they hear a baby cry (which is good, dont get me wrong) and then they just let stalker go? no questioning where the baby came from or anything? the scene felt very... cliche, very cinematic but cliche for sure, kind of like saying "oh when a baby is involved, of course we will stop firing and of course we will let this character go, thats what any good/sane person would do" which,,,, again not saying that's a bad thing lol BUT i never understood this,,, difference between a baby and an older child/woman/older person/any person, like if he was coming with an older child held against his side, would the corpus/sisters react the same???? would it have the same depth/impact? why is it the fact that it's a baby the driving force behind the emotional impact? like yes, a newborn baby is defensless, i get that - but so would be a child, or a human person, against army, against a machine gun? does this make any sense or am i the weird one here?

also i do not like the implications of the tenno helping delivering the baby, that's like,,, i cant even comprehend?

hm, i'm really struggling with identifying my feelings, i will have to think about this more, but if you have any thoughts or points of view about this quest i would absolutely love to hear them!!! i really crave to discuss this with someone, but none of my friends play warframe so.....

[celestie0]

Hellow, it is I again, coming out of my silent corner once more ^^ So first of all, thanks for the quick reply (which I didn't even think you'd do tbh) and nice words and I totally didn't blush and giggle at the last paragraph :'D So, I dug a little deeper and found all kinds of definitions and explanations, supporting both sides of it, but I think generally speaking and also in the community (which I myself am not a part of, I just know people) the association of gang bang with rape is rather old fashioned and is not really used as such anymore, instead straight up referring to it as gang rape. So you actually can have a consensual gang bang and it is rather the norm but again, I might be wrong here, since I'm too no real expert in this field either, but that's how I and a lot of people seem to interpret it nowadays. Obviously, I totally get that some people are offended or even getting triggered by that word, since it has had this negative connotation for quite some time now and I hope I didn't offend or hurt anyone with my account I did, I just thought it should be more clarified, but I totally get when you're just not using the term at all, just to be on the safe side ^^' I also searched for equal terms, trying to figure out what else to call it, since it interested me as well (the FBI agent going through my internet history surely has their fun) and the closest thing I found was 'polyandry', which defines a woman having multiple husbands, although it is more used to describe marriage instead of sexual intercourse. Apparently there are people referring to it as binge, revelry, jag, carousal and a bunch of other stuff, but tbh I've never ever heard anyone ever referring to that personally but you never know… Also, fun fact: in Germany (where I originate from) we apparently have a word for it called 'Fleischlego' which quite literally translates to 'meat lego' which I thought was kinda funny :'D Anyways, I dunno what drove me to deep dive into this topic so much and I'm sorry if I caused any unpleasantries for both you and your community. Imma sit in my silent corner again now and hope you'll have a nice day <3

hiii again my love <3

ouuu yknow you might be right ab the distinction between gangbang vs gang rape, i can see that being an old fashioned definition and then people reshaped it into gangbang for consensual multi persons intercourse. and yeah! better safe than sorry type of thing :'') i mean it's not like that word is a huge part of my regular vocabulary anyways LOL but i don't think it's bad to avoid it when needed. thanks a lot for looking into it more! i definitely feel validated in the definition i had in mind for it initially

LOL meat lego sounds so funny tbh i wish i could use that instead!! we need to adopt that terminology into english language 100%

noooo honey i don't think you upset anyone or caused anything unpleasant! you're so sweet n respectful n ty again for sharing what you know n what you've found. you're an angel!! <3

[ponkersworld]

Bit of a long post coming up, heads up. Needed somewhere to write this all down and Tumblr is my new diary now ig.

I came out as trans pretty recently, about a month ago to my friends, just under a week ago to my parents. It's all gone even better than I'd hoped, my friends are ecstatic, my parents are supportive but hesitant, my doctor has been incredibly good about it and is referring me to a trans-healthcare trained GP to start treatment in a few weeks (standard practice in my country). It really is everything I ever wanted, and aside from a small loan of a million dollars to help pay for all the new clothes I want/need, there really isn't anything else I could ask for. I should be the happiest I've been in years, and I am!

Kinda.

Because none of it feels...real? It's very hard to put into words, but after spending the last 3 days on the couch when I should be living life ✨to the fullest✨ I reckoned I should at least try.

To start with, the MASS of fear, anxiety, and shame that had been conveniently compartmentalized when I was closeted is now making itself VERY well known. My parents taking the time on multiple occasions to voice their (admittedly very reasonable) worries around my transition haven't exactly been helpful either, and without a more experienced trans person to give them the answers I can't really reassure them in the way they need. The most prominent one, of course, is "how do you know you won't regret this a few years down the line?"

And I have no answer for them.

Because I'm really not 100% sure that I won't. I mean, 4 years ago I dismissed these feelings as a fantasy, or a fetish, and was so sure that nothing would ever come of it. And sure, looking back I can see the flaws in my reasoning and the denial and shame that shaped that perspective, but how can I know that my thoughts right now aren't equally flawed? How do I know I won't be looking back in 4 years and cursing myself for being so impulsive?

It's very strange, making decisions for a future version of yourself that seems so far off. Will she view me with kindness, with understanding and compassion? Will she even be the same person? One of the videos most instrumental to cracking my egg was Philosophy Tube's coming-out video, in which she asks the question: if our identity and our choices are shaped by our memories and our experiences, and our interpretation of those memories change over time, are you still the same person? If I've been living two lives this whole time, and I can finally choose to just live one, what's going to get left behind?

My gender is abnormal, there's no doubt about that. I've been thinking about it for years, dressing like a woman and being called by female language makes me feel good, so end of story right? But I don't...*feel* like a woman. Not in a 'born in the wrong body' way, not in a 'gender is a social construct' way, not even in a postmodern 'all the world's a stage' way. And maybe, hopefully, that'll change over time. But for now it feels like I'm just...pretending. Like I'm going to say the wrong thing, or do the wrong gesture, and everyone will point me out for the 'fake trans' that I am. And it feels like I can't take these feelings to my parents or my doctor, because what if they decide I'm not trans anymore, and that stops the process of transition? I guess that worry means that I really do want to transition?? Aaaaaaaaa it's so confusing.

Anyway, thanks for reading this brain dump. If you've got any advice or just nice words I'd appreciate them in the replys or reblogs.

Trans fuckin' rights girls ✨🏳️‍⚧️✨

[llatimeria]

there's also the whole issue of this really persistent nagging question i have whenever i think about dysphoria: do i actually dislike the way i am on an inherent core level or do i dislike the way society treats me because of my appearance. unfortunately i don't think this is a question that's possible to answer because this shit is so entangled i don't think i'm ever gonna be capable of untangling it

i'm really short, i'm kinda pudgy now and when i was a kid i was stick-thin, i've never been physically strong, i have it on good authority that i'm cute.

i dread having to bring up or defend my opinions on things because i've always been treated as a pathetic wimp when i asserted myself. i got a lot of "oooh you're cute when you're angry!"-ed or "lol are you TRIGGERED??? LOL 🤣🤣🤣"-ed or "LOL what a CRYBABY!!!"-ed or "omg stop being such a DRAMA QUEEN"-ed as a kid. i'm just generally nonthreatening and easy to not take seriously.

is my frustration with this dysphoria or internalized misogyny? would i still be dissatisfied with my looks if they didn't contribute to people looking down on me? if I grew up in a world that took the wrath of young girls seriously would seeking HRT today? do i want to look different for me or do i want to look different for them, just so i know for sure i'm treated better in the future, because i'll be more easily read as androgynous or masculine instead of distinctly female? am i finding core truths about myself or running away from womanhood because being a woman sucks absolute shit?

and the answer to those questions is i don't know! i'm probably never gonna know! it's probably a little bit of both of them anyway! but i'm gonna get hrt because i want hrt, even if i'm afraid i want it for the "wrong reasons". that's dumb! i don't think there's such a thing as "wrong reasons" for starting hrt! i am an adult and my reasons for doing what i do to my body is my business. i'm gonna start t and fucking flourish because i'll just be more comfortable with myself even if it was 100% internalized misogyny and absolutely nothing else. which really sounds dumb now that i word it like that because plenty of women harbor a lot of internalized misogyny similar ways to me and still don't want to grow a penis. BUT YOU KNOW

[yonicfemcel]

had a long dream today again and i WILL post about it

i was in an aquapark. i swam around expensive swimming setups with lots of people and i preemptively i knew this is an expensive aquapark, parents might not approve of me being here i might have to pay out of my pocket for this one. apparently i was on vacation. there was a room where everyone swam to and then an animator started making us move in sync to her moves. it was a woman at first but then it turned into a drag queen. he was very funny and making everyone laugh with homophobic jokes but then he put one a blackface kind of except it was like a velvet mask. two black sexy babes were visually appaled and swam off and i followed them just to get their approval but i was a bit sad to leave, i didn't actually mind. it was night out already. the black women made sure i'm ok and left. i also managed to ingest alcohol somewhere cause i was dreamdrunk.

i left the park and somehow arrived at my school (yeah i'm back there a lot recently). but i remember now actually i mustve been there before vacation because of some continuity. it was lunchbreak, the tables were packed with children eating hot meals, but it mustve been just break between lessons because the field was swarming with kids. i sat next to someone i kind of recognized though whether the feeling was mutual is uncertain. they all looked like bloated reddish moonpeople so i asked what are they spiking the food with here to make children so ugly. that didnt seem to evoke sympathy for me.

i turn around and biology teacher is the person in charge of supervising the field during break. i slam my fist on the table and yell DAMNIT. child i talk to asks me what's wrong, i say could kick myself for wasting time the one time i actually see him. he wears a light green long sleeved shirt which is not a color i remember but the fashion is unmistakenly his. but the bell goes off and he leaves and i chace him but i feel myself being slow. and people start crowding and i can't get through. but someone apparently has the same appreciation for him as me because he catches someone taking photographs. he jokingly mocks them for it as he confiscates the camera. i get a closer look and see that he shaved since i saw him. in fact, at first i thought i had the wrong guy. but the speech pattern is 100% his. he also proclaims something like "nobody gets into the school museum! >:) i must go there alone! >:) off you go!" (to be perfectly clear this is just how he always talks) they walk up the second floor, still swarmed with children, i try to get to him (i was also dressed pretty weirdly after aquapark still) but crowd restrains me. i yell his surname in german and he recognises me and asks them to let me go and is very happy to see me and at that point i am sweating buckets because that never happened before i never could find him. during first segment i kinda figured out i was dreaming but by now i forgot again.

but we sit down, it's not quite time to be in class yet so the gawking children follow our conversation, he is asking me about my life and i am replying something i don't remember what, philosophical drivel. i say, sorry to bear bad news but i actually quit uni. he's unhappy with that, frowns. says "yeah i actually remember that, did we meet?" and i say it's likely another teacher i got hold of another time, his friend, that i liked a lot too but not in that way. this is like dream lore continuation at that point i reference something i dreamt another time here. either way he says it's a shame, i agree, i say it's in uni that i did actually start apreciating school, and learning, and knowledge, as these things usually happen, but just the medium was wrong for me. the children say woow you two should have a talkshow this is fun. then they leave for their classes and biology teacher also has this 2 year old crawling around that he takes up and lets go occasionally.

i dont recall in detail what else. he showed me my animation i did he remembers me fondly for. what he shows me really does look like something i could have done at the time, props to dream director for that. i comment on his change in appearance and how the goatee suited him more, he should grow it out. i really wanted to ask how hes been and whats he done during pandemic but we ended up talking only about me.

[thewhiskersonkittens]

It's been over a week since I saw it and I still can't stop thinking about the Barbie movie. It's like I'm still in shock. No one cares but I will write out my full thoughts here under the cut.

PROS

Like everyone says, I 100% agree on the set design of Barbie Land and the costumes. They did a fantastic job! I expect they will win some awards for those categories.

I like most of the soundtrack although there's probably about three artists on it I actually know. (I feel old.)

Ryan Gosling. To me, he had the best performance out of the whole cast. Ironically, in a movie literally called "Barbie", I found myself caring for Ken more. I think that is a testament to just how good of an actor Gosling is. They butchered Ken's character (just like they did Barbie's) and wrote a really half-ass script but Gosling STILL delivered.

Weird Barbie. I'm not much of a Kate McKinnon fan but I think she did really well. I love this concept of a "weird Barbie" because it's so true to life. Of course there would be a Barbie some little girl messed up! 😂

Speaking of "old", my favorite scene was the one with Barbie on the bench next to the elderly woman. I think this movie's message could have easily been about ageism more than tHe pAtRiaRcHy...

CONS

The biggest issue for me is what they did to Barbie and Ken's relationship. They are one of the most famous couples of all time, albeit a fictional one, but I just wanted them to be in love and kiss. 😭 I'm a hopeless romantic. I am tired of the idea that a Strong Female Character™ can't have a romantic relationship with a man because it makes her "weak" or "not as cool". One thing they could have done is say of course Barbie doesn't need Ken. But she chooses Ken because she loves him. She DOES love him. (IDC what Gerwig or Robbie says. They got it wrong.)

The plot(s) are all over the place! I can't remember but I don't even think the mother-daughter part of the story even got resolved or if it did it was done in like two seconds?! I don't remember, by then, I was getting bored and restless.

There was no point to Will Ferrell and the Mattel CEOs. After the chase scene, I completely forgot about them until they randomly reappeared at the end. I'm inclined to think they were only included to be a red herring for when they cut the trailers for the movie.

I didn't like how they named everyone else "Barbie" and "Ken" in Barbie Land (Aside from Alan and Midge). I get they are saying everyone can be a Barbie or a Ken no matter what you look like. But did they not know about all the characters in Barbie's world? Skipper, Courtney, Kelly (a.k.a. Chelsea), Stacie, Christie, Francie, etc? Just seems lazy IMO.

"The Message". Don't tell me "yOu jUsT diDn't GEt iT!!!" 😑 Oh, I got "the message", all right. IDK how anyone can watch this movie and not "get it" when they might as well beat you over the head with a goddamn sledgehammer. When I was a kid, I had a Life Size Barbie. Why don't you get one of those and write "FeMiNISm!!!" all over her body, take her by the heels, wind her up like a baseball bat and beat me to death for two hours?! In hindsight, it would have saved me time and money for sure.

If you liked this aspect of the movie, all the power to ya. You are allowed to like whatever you want to like. But everyone acting like this shit was so deep and profound... ??? I'm sorry, are you kidding me?! It's about as deep as a kiddie pool. I think there are rain puddles out there deeper than this.

They could have gone about the women's empowerment message in a much better way and a lot more subtle and a lot less hateful.

Which brings me to my next point about what I didn't like.

IDK what this movie was trying to be? It had some funny moments but most of the humour was corny and flat. I've been craving an unapologetically girlie, "chick-flick" movie for a long, long time now. The kind they used to make 15-20 years ago or so. Think "Legally Blonde", "Clueless" or "13 Going on 30". Or think even further back to the 80's with "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" or "Teen Witch". What better movie to make a return to that kind of genre than with a live action ✨BARBIE✨ movie? She is the epitome of girlie-ness and femininity. But I guess that's too "problematic" now or something.

Why did only Ken sing? Don't get me wrong, he did great, but does it seem weird to anyone else why he was the only one? It seems kind of random IMO. Why didn't Barbie sing a solo? I have no idea if Robbie can sing or not but still. Again, what is this movie trying to be? It could have worked as a musical but it wasn't.... but they threw in a Ken song and dance number out of left field?

And lastly,

Margot Robbie. I HATE to say this, really I do. Because I really like her as an actress. I had so much faith and hope in her with this role. I thought she was a MUCH better choice for Barbie than Amy Schumer ever was!

Robbie looks the part of Barbie to a T. She's beautiful. But as the movie went on, I felt like she wasn't giving Barbie anymore. At least not Barbie in the way I imagine the character. It feels like she was playing a completely different character. Barbie in this movie never really helps anyone but herself. Barbie is not supposed to be an emotional manipulator but here, she is.

It's not Robbie's fault because Gerwig didn't write her character correctly. Same thing with Ken. He's a himbo, for sure, but he's not supposed to be some pathetic simp. I feel like both Robbie and Gosling were kind of wasted. They are both so talented but their characters were not written right.

So, all and all, if I had to rate the movie I'd give it a 5/10. I feel like they got some things right, some things they could have done much better, and some things they just shouldn't have done at all.

This is all just my honest thoughts and opinions. If you enjoyed the movie, I certainly don't want to take that away from you. I'm a huge fan of Barbie and I left the theater incredibly disappointed by the final product and I was SO excited for this.