#but even when i am normal about things i still feel like i have to apologize for my enjoyment because of other people

[amourane]

love notes in music

pairing: drummer!theodore nott x rich girl!reader

genre: fluff, modern au

w/c: 1.2k

summary: you always got what you wanted and the extremely hot drummer was no exception.

warnings: none

a/n: i am here to push forward the drummer theo agenda because yes yes and yes

Trouble was coming. You could feel it in your bones. Maybe it was the extra shot of espresso you had today or the wild predictions in your horoscope, but you definitely sensed something brewing. It didn’t help that Enzo had interrupted your lunch and dragged you back to campus for god knows what reason.

"Enzo if this is another one of your tricks to get me to dance with you it's not going to work. Remember what happened last time?" 

You dug your heels into the grass as your best friend continued to drag you across the field. The campus auditorium came into view and you frowned. There was no reason for you to even be there today so why was Enzo tugging you along like bait?

“Yes Y/n I remember what happened last time.”

"I fractured my ankle and I do not want to wear a cast ever again. I couldn't match the darn thing with any of my clothes." You huffed out a breath at the memory of the ugly accessory that the doctors had insisted on your wearing despite your protests. 

Admittedly you were a bit of a spoiled brat but at least you knew that you were. Going to a normal university was one of your father’s choices. You would have never gone somewhere so shabby on a daily basis. Truth be told on the first day, you were actually planning to ditch and go grab a chai latte. Then you bumped into Enzo accidentally and the two of you seemed to click. 

It was a good friendship. He’d always be able to tell you when you were being a tad bit annoying because of your rich girl behaviour and you’d be able to join him in his multiple activities. One which led to the infamous ankle incident. 

“Don’t worry Y/n, you’ll still be able to wear that Gucci jacket-”

“It was an Armani jacket.”

“Yeah yeah.” Enzo pushed open the door to the auditorium, and you were immediately greeted by the sound of drums pounding heavily. The amplified sound hurt your ears. “Welcome to the band.” 

“Um...Enzo, do I need to remind you of the time when I broke a guitar?” You nervously watched the live band on stage. Technically it wasn’t your fault that the guitar broke. Enzo never did tell you how to properly use it. “And when did you join a band?”

“Please don’t remind me Y/n also I didn’t actually join the band I’m more of a-”

“Hey Enzo!” 

The music stopped. Your head whipped around and your eyes nearly fell out of their sockets at the absolute hunk that had just shouted. His dark hair seemed to glow under the spotlight making him look like some sort of angel. Your mouth ran dry when he waved a drumstick at you. His fingers looked as if they’d been carved out of stone. And his biceps. God his biceps. The guy was ripped. He was a drummer as well. What was more sexy than a drummer?! 

“Hey Theo!” Enzo, your backstabbing friend who knew your weakness for hot boys with dark hair that played the drums, embraced him in a tight hug. “The practice is going well.”

“I know!” 

Good god, his eyes were like beautiful whirlpools of love. The two boys started talking animatedly about something to do with music. There were a few words thrown here and there that you recognised but other than that you stood watching wide-eyed at the conversation in front of you. 

“Who’s the pretty lady?”

Theo turned to face you and seeing his face up close only made you want to kiss him more. He really was gorgeous. You cleared your throat, straightening your skirt. “I’m Y/n, Enzo’s best friend, and you are?”

“Theo.” He offered you his hand, which you shook. Wow, his hands were soft. You were almost jealous. Time to buy new hand cream. “Hey, I’ve heard of you. You’re that girl who nearly broke her foot when dancing.”

Your cheeks flushed. Was this your legacy now? The girl that nearly broke her foot while dancing? How horrible. You would much rather be known for your stunning looks or incredible fashion sense. 

“Actually I twisted my ankle but who’s keeping track?” 

“Y/n isn’t the best dancer or guitarist.” Enzo chimed in. “She’s really good at maths though, she’s my second brain.” He said it as if you were simply another organ in his body, but you let it slide, trying to make a good impression on the drummer boy.

Theo chuckled, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Well, it's good to know Enzo has a brain to rely on."

You giggled at his remark, feeling the tension ease a bit. "Yeah, he needs all the help he can get."

"Hey!" Enzo protested, a small pout forming. "I'll have you know I'm quite capable on my own."

"Sure you are." You teased, nudging him playfully. Then, turning back to Theo, you asked, "So, what kind of music do you guys play?"

Theo's face lit up with enthusiasm. "We're a rock band, mostly. Some original stuff, a few covers. We're actually looking for a new guitarist. Interested?" He winked, clearly joking.

You shook your head, laughing. "After what happened last time? I think I'll pass. I'm more of an appreciator of talent than a participant. But I might be persuaded to attend a private concert."

Theo laughed, a rich, warm sound that made your heart flutter. "A private concert, huh? I think we can arrange that."

Enzo rolled his eyes. "Oh boy, here we go."

Ignoring Enzo, you leaned a bit closer to Theo, your voice dropping to a playful whisper. "So, Theo, do you always look this good while playing the drums, or is today a special occasion?"

Theo raised an eyebrow, his smile turning into a smirk. "I guess you'll have to come to more practices to find out."

You gave him a once-over, pretending to think it over. "Maybe. I do have a very busy schedule, you know.”

“Sounds like a yes to me. We’ve got a gig this weekend, free up some space in that glamorous life of yours and come.

You tried your best to conceal your excitement at the fact you had just scored yourself a date with a very hot drummer. Forget about trouble today was definitely the best day of your life. 

"Alright, I'll be there." You agreed, feeling a flutter of excitement in your stomach. "But only if you promise me a private drum lesson afterward."

"It's a deal. I'll make sure you get the VIP treatment." Theo’s grin only widened and you felt your heart stutter at the sight. He really was handsome and if you didn’t know how he was single but that was good news for you.

“I’ve got some studying to catch up on but I’ll hold you to that.” You offered him a wave goodbye as you made your way out of the auditorium with Enzo. Theo simply smiled, reciprocating your action. 

A giddy feeling overtook your body as the sun shone down on you. There were millions and millions of butterflies soaring in your stomach and you could only squeal at the idea of seeing Theo in the next few days. Before your best friend could say anything you spun on your heels, this time dragging him along with you.

“We need to go shopping right now, I need a new outfit for the weekend.” 

Enzo could only groan as his feet automatically moved. It was going to be a long day.

[softpascalito]

I To Dig a Grave I Chapter 2 I

Summary: Twenty-one years after the outbreak, you come to Wyoming looking for something and end up in Jackson after a stranger saves your life.

But he doesn't stay a stranger.

Turns out Joel Miller is looking for something too. It feels like a fresh start. But when bad luck seems to follow you, Joel is the only one to turn to, forcing both of you to confront your feelings about your pasts- and each other.

Pairing: Joel Miller x F!Reader Rating: Explicit / MDNI Word count: 7k+ Tags: Hurt/Comfort, Angst, Friends to Lovers, Slow Burn, Age Difference, Smut, Explicit Content, Grief/Mourning, Mental Health Issues, Canon-Typical Violence, Chose not to use Archive Warnings, Tags to be added

AO3 LINK // Series Masterlist // Playlist

notes: i can't tell you all how i excited i am to get this fic going! thank you for the lovely comments on the first chapter, i promise there is a lot of cool stuff to come!

this fic will deal with heavy topics. please note that it doesn't use archive warnings and tags will be added as we go in order to avoid spoilers. each chapter will have detailed warnings in the end notes on ao3.

Chapter 2 - The Patrol

‘Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.’  - Richard Silken, The Worm King’s Lullaby

There is a thin sheet of ice covering the streams that are heading downwards. It crunches under the hooves of their horses that dutifully carry them up the hill and past the gas station. Joel is glad that it's Tommy next to him. He's more tense than he's felt in ages, a gnawing feeling in his stomach that has little to do with the skipped breakfast and a lot with the worry that is etched into the frown between his brows. He wouldn't want anyone to see him like this, much less try and calm him down, something he knows is a lost battle.

“They might be fine, Joel,” his younger brother says gently, just loud enough for him to hear. Tommy thinks there will be no response until one comes, a little too late for it to not be premeditated.

“She talked about leaving, sometimes. They would be stupid enough to run off-”

“And leave Jackson?” Tommy raises a brow. “Maria said their house looked normal, all their things still in place. They wouldn't be stupid enough to leave all that behind.”

Joel doesn't want to hear it. He knows, better than anyone. Knows that you wouldn't just leave, not without saying goodbye to the children you'd come to care about so much. Would you leave him without a goodbye?

He almost hopes you would. Because if you didn't leave willingly, what was the alternative? It would've been nearly impossible for someone to take you from inside Jackson with no one noticing. But he can't shake the feeling that something is off.

It’s Tommy who has to keep reminding him to ride slow, to keep an eye on the ground for possible tracks. Joel just wants to go, to spur Old Beardy on until they're galloping up the hill, despite not knowing where it is he needs to go. He just wants to find you. Preferably in one piece, happy and healthy. 

He would’ve missed it.

The small footprints leading off the road and onto a smaller path, one that's twisting through pines and further into the woods. 

Tommy nods. “Pretty sure ‘tis the one that leads to the hunting cabin.”

It only takes a few minutes for them to be sure. The wooden cabin is hidden away behind a few trees, difficult to spot if you don't know where to look. It doesn't really serve any purpose, at least not anymore. The roof at the back caved in years ago, allowing rain and plants alike to enter the dimly lit room. It’s less than five miles from the gate of Jackson, tucked away from the main road.

He can’t help but think that this would be the perfect place to run off to. Or to hide a body.

Joel is off his horse in a second, not even bothering to tie the stallion's halter to the wooden posts in front of the cabin. Without thinking, he tugs his revolver out of his waistband, using his foot to nudge the door open.

He smells it before his eyes even have a chance to adjust to the dim light. The unmistakable stench of blood. And mixed with it, creating an odor that immediately makes him sick to his stomach, the smell of gunpowder in the air.

***

The sun has been slowly rising while you’ve been flipping through the pages, trying to find the volumes you’re looking for. The library of Jackson, though rather small, has been frequented more and more, especially in the winter months when the weather doesn’t always allow activities outside and people resort to what they’ve always known: Books.

The entire place is supposed to be relocated soon, to a small store on main street. But compared to the greenhouses needing repairs and the stables being expanded, books don't seem to be a priority for most of the townsfolk.

“Books can’t feed us or keep us safe,” Maria pointed out when you brought the slow progress up to her. You politely disagree. You feel like you could live off books for the rest of your life.

Still, packing up everything means the old place, a shed tucked away behind the church, is currently a mess. Sagging bookshelves, a leaky roof and too many books for too little space means chaos. One that only few bother to navigate in its current state. You among them.

It was the crack of dawn when you slipped out of the house, deciding to let Lane sleep in while you walked through the still empty streets to the far end of the town, hoping to get the library work out of the way before the first lesson of the day.

Maria is the one that finds you, making your head peek up from between two shelves with a frown. “You changed your mind on those books?”

She gives a small laugh, one that sounds oddly like relief. Then her face becomes stern again, the look she carries much more often. “You two have some explaining to do, do you realize that?”

Now it's your turn to frown. “We two?” She pauses at that, looking around the small room. But there is no one here but you and her and the characters bleeding from the pages.

“Is Lane not with you?”

You shake your head, turning your attention back to the book in your hands. “She has the 8AM class today.” 

“She's not there,” Maria curtly responds. You can tell she's trying to keep her voice steady but there is a hint of anxiety regardless. 

“Then she overslept again,” you half guess-half ask, closing the book again.

“She's not at home either.”

An odd feeling crawls over your body. You can't remember what was in your hands a moment ago, but the question is forgotten in an instant. Maria carefully watches as you step out from between the shelves, her tone still gentle. “I've sent Tommy and Joel out to search. We thought you two snuck out.”

You feel numb as you shake your head. “No, I- I didn't see her this morning. I thought she was still asleep.” You rack your brain for the memories of this morning, of last night, of the last week even. But nothing comes to mind, nothing out of the ordinary.

“I was out late last night, finishing up some paperwork,” you mutter, more to yourself than the woman in front of you, retracing your steps in your mind. “Lane got home before me, I had dinner, we talked about blueberries-”

“Blueberries?” Maria asks, her hand already back on the doorknob. She seems restless and it's that fleeting detail that worries you more than anything. Maria stays in control. Always. 

“Yeah, we- It doesn't matter. I don't know where she is,” you finish lamely, getting up and joining her at the door. But she hasn't moved yet.

“You should stay at home. I'm sure she'll show up again soon and if she comes back to your place, someone should be there.” You nod but your mind is already drifting again. Lane’s been doing fine, good. So have you, really. Maria gently reaches for your shoulder, steering you out of the shed and towards the church, down the street that leads to the center of Jackson. 

You're passing the small graveyard that's protected by brick walls, the stones already withered, pale in contrast to the dark metal fence running along on top. The gate is ajar, but you barely pay it any attention as the information settles in your brain. It takes a few seconds for it to reach your mouth and leave your lips.

“She went out a few times.” 

“Out?” Maria enquires, raising an eyebrow as her attention shifts back to you.

“I thought she'd met someone. Cat and her were pretty close and I figured-” You give a small shrug. It's more than uncomfortable, suddenly, and absurd, that you're discussing Lane's private life so openly, with Maria of all people.

“Don't tell her I said that,” you add quickly. 

Maria nods as you reach the end of the brick wall. “I won't. I'll get back to the city hall and see if there’s any news yet. You go home.”

Your head nods as if on its own accord. Maria has already turned her back towards you when you pipe up. “Maria?” 

She pauses, her back straightening a bit. “Yes?”

“You don't think anything happened to Lane, do you?” 

The older woman shakes her head softly. “No. I'm sure she's fine. Now get home. Maybe she's already there.”

And she hurries off, leaving you at the corner of the street with a trembling body and a heavy feeling in your stomach. For a fleeting moment, you allow your thoughts to wander past the point you've been dreading to consider. What if something has happened? If Lane did sneak out, maybe with Cat, maybe alone, and got into some sort of situation? What if she's hurt?

The sky has turned from pink to a light blue, only a few clouds piling around the mountains on the horizon. You glance down at your hands, shaking ever so slightly. You decide to blame it on the cold. The cold that may be getting to your head as well. Because after a few moments, you turn on your heels, heading for the stables. It's only a few rows of houses until the large wooden wall looms in front of you, blocking out the little sunlight you could get in the morning. The wall that protects you from what lies beyond. Infected and Raiders and maybe, you think, as you slip into the stables, maybe answers.

if you enjoyed the chapter, please consider reblogging/sharing and commenting, every single notif on this fic makes my heart swell with love <3

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

hi. I heard you answer questions about sex ed and I can't ask anyone this irl since none of my friends talk about any sex that isn't super cishet and allo.

I'm kind of worried I'm asexual and of course I'm ok with other people doing whatever they want with their lives and not having sex whenever and however they want, but I really don't want to not have sex. Except that whenever I think about having sex with a person I'm instantly disinterested. like even fantasizing about myself having sex in a nonspecific disembodied way turns me off.

I worried for a while that it was because I was scared of my body (like a vagina-fear/dysphoria sort of thing, which was probably true) or just didn't have any sex drive, so to figure it out I started trying to masturbate when I was sixteen (my parents tracked my search history on my phone so I actually had to go to the library and find a sex ed book in the adult section and hide the cover with my jacket while I read it just to memorize the diagrams so I could figure out where the hell the clitoris was lmao) and I did like it and was capable of feeling good and orgasming and whatever. but even after I knew that it felt good and I do have a sex drive I'm still not interested in having sex with other people (I'm eighteen now for context, so its been a while). I can't think of one person I would ever even theoretically want to have sex with, including people I know, famous hot people, fictional characters, nothing. I don't want to be asexual but I feel like I have to be because I don't want to have sex with anyone. How can I be asexual if I don't want to be, or am I even asexual? what if I just have high standards, or I haven't met someone I really like yet? what if I am ace and I'm just being ace-phobic because I've internalized the cultural norms that 'sex equals humanity'? I keep having this mental loop where I think about possibly being asexual then I conclude that I'm definitely not asexual then I start thinking about it again. I know I'm supposed to define my own identity, but if I think I'm allo but all of my feelings are the types of feelings everyone says is ace, then what am I?

obviously you're not the mind-reading wizard rabbi of the internet so you can't divine my sexuality from an ask, but do you at least have any advice for figuring it out?

thanks for listening, sorry for the tmi

hi anon,

let's take a big deep breath and calm down a little, okay? it seems like you're overthinking yourself to bastard death and that's not going to help anything at all.

listen, man: the only thing that makes someone asexual is if they decide that's something they want to call themselves. like it's literally just a word to use or not use, and it sounds like you really don't want to use it. labels are meant to be helpful in letting people express something about themselves, so if a label doesn't spark joy, don't use it. simple as that. not wanting to call yourself asexual is no more phobic than me not calling myself a lesbian - I don't have a problem with lesbians, I just personally don't happen to be one.

it sounds like the main thing getting you down here is that you're 18 and like jacking off but haven't ever super wanted to have sex with someone, which is, like, oh man that's so normal. some people just don't have a very high sex drive as it pertains to other people, dude. you've likely only met an extremely small portion of the people you're going to meet in your entire life, and you're going to have feelings and relationships and experiences you can't even begin to imagine with all the people you're yet to meet.

in the meantime, let's channel all of the energy you're spending worrying about being asexual into something that will actually make your life cooler and more fun. might I recommend reading a nice book or perhaps doing some manner of art?

[accio-victuuri]

my mostly calm(er) reaction and reflection post on the magnolia awards nomination list 🥀

sir i don’t understand. why aren’t good people rewarded? // as the old saying goes, evil doers get gold belts and good people can’t even keep their corpses. { war of faith episode 24 }

the quote above is one of my favorites from the show and i feel the truth to it now more than ever. i have already posted about my initial rage and that hasn’t changed, it’s not okay and will never be. i’m mostly a pacifist but i’m not a doormat. there is a reason why the WOF account or the other nominees like the director and “best actor” have not posted their thanks as soon as the nominations were out because they are guilty. it speaks volumes and they should be ashamed of themselves. if you look at the most recent post for WOF weibo account, they are being torn apart. not to mention blog accounts and the same audience who supported the drama calling them out.

this should not be a surprise to those of us who watched the show and understood it’s meaning. because this is what the show thought us, to not stay quiet when there is injustice. much like how wei ruolai said that he is ashamed to be in this mountain. how he was not afraid to leave his dream and literally walk back to Jiangxi for what he believes is the right thing to do. i don’t think you will fully understand the hurt, this is not just me being a yibo stan but someone who saw myself in Wei Ruolai.

the drama was about how the youth can change the world. the reality, and what just happened is proving otherwise. i’m sharing this quote here cause it perfectly explains the problem:

"If the youth are strong, the country will be strong" but the truth is the youth are strong, but you don't recognize it.

this incident exposed the problem with these acting awards. i daresay, not only that, but with other industries where everything has to be about seniority. which in turn makes the younger generation feel burned out and contribute to wanting to lie flat. because what’s the point if the game is rigged. the CCP have always given importance to the youth. often inserting the message of why you all should have kids now because they are the future. they are important blah blah blah — but this simple award? you can’t even show fairness? Wang Yibo is the poster boy for CCP’s propaganda on how an upstanding Chinese Youth should be. He has been in the most recent years, we all cannot deny that with how prominent he is showing up in nationalistic programs tied to the “youth”. So if someone as popular/well-known/talented as WYB can’t be treated fairly. can’t be rewarded with his efforts, then what more for a normal citizen?

WOF team and Magnolia Awards really opened a can of worms here. It goes deeper than nominations and a fandom. In a way, it’s good how this exposed the corrupt system and contributed to why people are so angry. The tag for him continued to stay on top because a lot of netizen can relate, even if you didn’t watch it, i bet they had something to say. It’s been happening for some time but definitely is magnified because of Yibo’s popularity and it made them look really bad.

I am aware of Yibo’s chances with the history of older nominees when it comes to this Awards show but I am confident that he had a good chance of getting it. What made me livid was Wang Yang taking the nom. You can slice and dice it however you want, but Yibo carried that show. He is the main lead. The story is about Wei Ruolai. If Yibo didn’t get it i will still speak up but with the betrayal, not only to him but also the screenwriter — i can’t stay silent and be the “rational” vic that most of you are familiar with. WAR OF FAITH is still one of my favorite dramas with how it affected me and is largely contributing to why i’m reacting the way i do.

I’m not gonna defend anyone. Only Wang Yibo. Honestly. Fuck them all. I watched the show and supported it for WYB — everyone else don’t matter. I won’t post any hate message on their accounts but they get no love from me either.

So now let me get to the good part. Because no matter how hurt we all are, there is still a lot of good that came out of this. The silver lining(s) if you will.

1. Everyone who said that WYB has some backers can fuck off. This proves that he hasn’t. He has no background. There is no big-name pulling the strings for him. He is where he is because he is WANG YIBO. His name alone is enough. WOF got the green light because Wang Yibo’s name was on it. Now more than ever, it is proven that he is where he is because of who he is and what he can bring to the table.

2. We are reminded once again that producers are not our friends. LOL. if you know, you know. it’s all business. So don’t kiss their ass.

3. The fact that he trended #1 for hours, and still is right now at number 4 is proof of how great he represented the character of Wei Ruolai. People now recognize him as an actor who deserves a nomination and a win. The general public are now on his side. He is the underdog and there is nothing more that we want to see than a beaten down person rise above it and win. In a way, this creates more buzz and anticipation for his next movie that will be out. 🫶🏼

4. This has really set him apart from his peers of idol actors who crossed over to being professionals. He did it so effectively and in a short span of time. What happened is sad, but he won people’s hearts and those who already do stan him are more geared up to support him in the future. 💪🏼💪🏼💪🏼

I’m happy for WOF’s nomination. If i’m being honest, it was a sure thing. I’m proud WYB was part and led this amazing drama to what it is. He will continue to give us more excellent works because that is his gift to the audience who always support him.

In the next coming days, if WYB or most likely YBO puts something out, that’s what i’m gonna follow. The most i will do is congratulate WOF, but the others? no thank you.

[sithbvcky]

.02: SLEEP ALONE

As the adopted daughter of Tony Stark, your role becomes even more twisted and entangled when you meet and fall in love with one James Barnes. Unbeknownst to you, your world is about to flip upside down. Bucky x Stark!Reader Word Count: 2,146 Warnings: mentions of death, dead body *this was an anon request*

.01

Since that fateful meeting, you spent more and more time with James. You hadn’t booked a return flight from Bucharest, not until you found what you needed. You hadn’t pestered him anymore about his metal hand, which he had elaborated was actually his whole left arm. And he didn’t treat you any different after knowing of your powers. You simply started finding comfort in each others company. Daily coffee runs turned into shared dinners and discussions over tea. He had one more place he wanted to investigate that your mother might have stayed in and this time he conceded to your insistence on coming along. 

It was what looked to be an abandoned warehouse about an hour from the city. James had explained that some people used it as a halfway house on their way out of Bucharest. It’s roof was still intact and it was large and spacious, lots of places to hide if you didn’t wanna be found. 

“I’ll go first.” James said, which you appreciated. Even though you had what felt like the power of a nuclear bomb underneath your skin, this was unfamiliar territory and the last thing you needed to do was bring down a giant cement building. You could already see the headlines and the disappointed phone call you would be receiving from your father having to clean up your mess. 

You followed close behind James as he entered the warehouse. You weren’t expecting to find anyone here. Every other lead had been a dead end but you weren’t exactly ready to give up either. The main room of the warehouse was empty, nothing but abandoned tents and scraps left behind by whomever came before. You sifted amongst the trash with your foot, to see if there was anything of potential value. James wandered off into one of the adjacent rooms as you continued looking. A moment later, James returned looking as if he’d seen a ghost. 

“What’s the matter?” You asked, abandoning your search through the trash. 

“There’s a body in one of the rooms back there.” He started, looking down at his feet and shaking his head. “I didn’t look too closely at it but it seemed to be female.” His blue eyes met yours and they seemed to tell you “Don’t go in there.” or did you read his mind? 

You pushed by him and began marching towards the room he came from, 

“Y/N.” He called out for you, jogging to catch up with you. 

“I have to see. I have to know for sure.” You stated sternly and continued your momentum. When you entered the room, you saw a pile of blankets in the corner. James was right behind you, you could feel his soothing presence as you crept closer to the blankets. There was long brown hair sprouting from the top of the pile. Carefully you knelt down and slowly peeled back the blankets, revealing the still face of a woman. A woman who eerily looked like you. Same hair, same face. James stood a small distance behind you, giving you space but remaining close enough if you needed him. He was silent but observed your every move. 

As you looked at her, you noticed something that looked like the corner of a piece of paper sticking out from the jacket she was in. Carefully, you pulled it from the body and found your name written on it. With shaking breath, you unfolded the paper and read the handwritten note. 

“To my dearest Y/N, 

If you’re reading this that means he found me. I am so sorry for all the pain I caused you, I only ever wanted you to have a normal life. Last I heard you were adopted by a very important man who has given you everything I never could. I hope you are happy. All I ever wanted was for you to be happy, which is why all of this started. If he hasn’t already, he will try to come for you. He hates people like you but you are a miracle. A magnificent and beautiful creature with endless capabilities. Never forget that. 

 Please, protect yourself however you can. I will be watching over you, I love you. 

Your mother.” 

You paused for a moment after you finished reading, standing up to your feet. 

“Are you alright?” James asked softly. 

“Someone killed my mother because of me.” You said through gritted teeth, you could feel the power surging in your veins. In every fiber of your being. White hot and begging to be released. James took a step closer to you. 

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” 

“Sorry won’t bring her back. Sorry won’t change what I am.” You eyes were locked on your mothers body. 

“Y/N, it isn’t your fault. Don’t blame yourself for this.” James reached to place his flesh hand on your shoulder but you spun around pushing his hand away. 

“Don’t patronize me! Don’t try to understand how it feels to know you are the reason your mother is dead in a warehouse!” You shouted, red sparks emanated from your fingertips. Something was waking up inside you. 

“Y/N.” James called gently, as you fought the sobs trying to escape your throat. Let me out. The power within you cooed. Let me free. 

“Y/N, look at me.” James’ voice was stern but you barely heard him over the roar in your ears. You began to hyperventilate, as the power continued to grow within you looking for a release. 

“Y/N! Don’t!” 

James’s voice was the last thing you heard before a scream erupted from your lungs. A scream so anguished and broken. Filled to the brim with pain. Then everything went black. There were flashes as your mind flowed in and out of consciousness. Smoke and rubble. The feeling of strong arms wrapping around you. James’ muffled voice so close you could feel the vibration on your skin. 

When you came to, you were back in your apartment. James was sitting at the coffee table wringing his hands together. When he noticed you stirring he jumped to his feet to be at your side. 

“Y/N. Are you okay?” He asked, his eyes scanning your face anxiously. You brought a hand up to your head and winced, 

“I think so.” You mumbled. “What happened?” 

James looked down for a moment, 

“What do you remember?” He asked. 

“I remember finding my mother and her note and then feeling so much anger and pain and then nothing.” You answered, looking to him and seeing the worry in his eyes. 

“What did I do?” You asked urgently. He opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. 

“James, tell me, what did I do?” You insisted. 

“You brought half the building down on top of us. I pulled us out of the rubble.” He admitted. You let out a deep sigh, 

“Oh my god.” You winced, exactly what you didn’t want to have happen. 

“It’s alright, it was an old building anyways no one will think anything of it.” James assured. “What matters the most is that you’re ok.” He added. You began rubbing your forehead, racking your brain to put together those lost moments of time but it only started giving you a migraine so you gave up. 

“I’m sorry, James. I try so hard to keep it under control but-

“No, don’t.” He shook his head. “You don’t have to do that with me.” 

“Do what?” You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. 

“Don’t have to explain yourself. What you are.” He hesitated before pulling a crumpled piece of paper from his jacket pocket and handing it to you.

“I figured you would want to keep this.” He said, changing the subject. You took your mothers note from his hand and felt the tears welling in your eyes. James moved to stand up when you reached out and grabbed his hand, stopping him leaving. He looked down at you in surprise, after the events of today he assumed you’d be done. On your way back home and he’d go back to being alone. But something changed when you grabbed his hand, you felt it and you pushed that feeling through you to him. 

“Don’t go.” You whispered with a shaking voice. “I don’t like sleeping alone.” You felt vulnerable saying it but it was true.

“Neither do I.” He admitted but he made no move to join you in bed. “But I don’t think you’d want to share a bed with me.” He slid his hand from your grip and stepped back over to the coffee table. You sat up, propping yourself on your elbows as you watched him. 

“What are you talking about?” You asked, observing him intently. His body language had changed, he was stiff and you could feel him closing you out. 

“I’m not a good man, Y/N and if you knew everything I’d done.” His voice broke for a moment and he shook his head as if to collect himself. At this revelation you pushed yourself all the way out of bed and walked over to stand before him. Pulling his head up to look at you, 

“I may not know every thing about you, you’re right. But I know enough to know that you aren’t a bad man.” You said, gazing into his eyes. 

“No, I’m not. Not really.” He pulled his head away from your hold but you pulled it right back. 

“Listen to me.” You stated, holding his head between both of your hands. “I get to decide who I want in my life and who I want to share my bed. No one else. If you think I won’t still love you because you have skeletons in your closet, after I nearly killed us both. You are out of your mind.” 

His eyes widened at your accidental declaration. Love might’ve been strong but you felt something more than just affection for him. He didn’t try to pull away again so you released him, letting your hands fall to your hips. 

“If you want to leave because you don’t feel anything for me, I will understand. But don’t tell me it’s because you don’t think you’re worthy. That just isn’t true.” You swallowed hard, waiting for him to push past you and leave but he didn’t. He simply stood still. So you reached down and took his left hand, slowly slipping the glove off and throwing it the the floor. You held his metal hand in yours, inspecting it delicately 

“Is this why you don’t think you’re worthy?” You asked. James furrowed his brow and blinked as if recalling a painful memory. But he didn’t pull away. You interlocked you fingers with his, 

“Whatever you did before, whatever it is you don’t want to tell me. I don’t hold it against you. And I never will.” 

James blinked rapidly, holding back the tears you could see threatening to spill over. With your other hand you caressed his cheek and he leaned into your touch. 

“You saw the worst side of me and you stayed anyway. What makes you think I wouldn’t do the same for you, James.” You said, leading him to sit on the edge of the mattress. As you sat down, you helped him shrug off the jacket he’d been wearing all day. His mechanical arm was more exposed now, just a cotton sleeve protecting it from your eyes. 

“I’ve hurt a lot of people.” He spoke, his voice hoarse. He rolled up the sleeve to reveal more of his arm. “This arm has done nothing but cause pain until I met you.” He looked at you and the pain you saw in his eyes cut through you like a knife. Carefully, you placed your hand on the cool surface. 

“Did you have a choice? When you hurt them, did you have a choice?” You asked. 

“No.” James choked on the sadness in his throat. Once again you held his face in your hands, your faces inches from each other. 

“Than it isn’t your fault.” You started. “Whatever you’ve done, is not your fault, James.”

His head dropped in defeat and you held him close against your chest. Letting him cry if he needed or simply just feel the warmth of you. For a moment you sat there, holding him to you until he sat up. You flashed him a sympathetic smile, 

“Come, let’s lie down.” 

You both slid into bed, it was not quite big enough for two but you didn’t mind feeling the warmth of him next to you. In fact you curled yourself up against his chest and fell asleep almost instantly. James remained awake, watching you sleep until he couldn’t keep the exhaustion at bay any longer. That night was the most peaceful night either of you had had in a long time.

-------

tags:

@blackbirdwitch22

@queenashen

@annonymsworld

@ladyvenera

@laurxn-robinson

[ladykailitha]

Permanent Tagging List Final Call

Hey, guys it's that lovely time again when I go through my permanent tag list and remove people that haven't interacted with my stories in awhile to clear the way for new people.

So here's the deal, you'll have 24 HOURS to respond to this post. I have posted this two other times, trying to get the word out. Once two weeks ago and again one week ago.

IF YOU DON'T RESPOND BY 12PM EST SUNDAY JUNE 2ND I WILL REMOVE YOU FROM ALL OF MY LISTS MASTER OR STORY.

NO JUDGMENT! I swear it. I just want to know if you're still interested so that if you're not, people who are can take your spot.

UNTIL THIS HAS COMPLETED ITS DURATION THERE WILL BE MORATORIUM ON ALL FUTURE REQUESTS TO BE ADDED TO MY PERMANENT TAG LIST! THIS MEANS I AM NOT TAKING NEW REQUESTS TO BE ADDED TO THE LIST!!!

I love all the requests I'm getting to be added to it. But I am at 44 on my permanent list and if it hits 50 then there is no way to add people to a story's tag list. Something I really don't want to do.

You can tell me if you want to be:

Removed from my permanent tag and all my stories

Removed from my permanent tag list but keep you on all my stories

Removed from my permanent tag list but only some of the stories (let me know which ones)

Stay on my permanent tag list but be removed from all my WIPs

Stay on my permanent tag list but be removed from some of my WIPs (let me know which ones)

Stay on my permanent tag list and all my WIPs.

My current WIPs so that you know what I'm currently working on:

Well Met By Moonlight: Steve is a werewolf, Eddie is a vampire and there are strange and horrible things going on in Hawkins. No Upside Down supernatural creatures AU.

Never Hold Back Your Step...: Boy With a Bat book 2. Sequel to Can Anybody See Me? Season 2 Au where Eddie picks up Steve as one of his lost sheep and him and Steve get together. Set immediately after book one, Steve has to get through high school and his new summer job. Only this is Hawkins and danger is always lurking around the corner. Featuring season 3 AU.

Icarus: Eddie makes it big with Corroded Coffin as Steve and Robin seemingly struggle with menial jobs. Only there is more than meets the eye with the up and coming metal band The Fallen as Eddie learns that the lead singer and Steve is one and the same. Now they have to manage three private lives with super stardom. The path to love never was smooth.

Sweet Home Indiana: Sweet Home Alabama fusion. Eddie and Steve get married when the first state makes gay marriage legal. But soon a rift forms between them and Eddie leaves. Now almost a decade later, Eddie's back in Hawkins looking for a divorce so he can marry his fiancee, Chrissy. But when he arrives, Hawkins starts feeling like home in a way he thought he lost long ago. Now he has to chose between his new life in Seattle and his old life in Hawkins. But not everything is as it seems and that makes things harder. For everyone.

Paper Hearts: Post Season 2 Valentine's day AU. Hawkins is doing a fund raiser for senior ball, people can buy paper hearts to give to their friends and lovers. Pink for friends and red for lovers. Steve doesn't have a girlfriend this year so he decides to get twenty pink hearts to give to girls that wouldn't normally get any. Cue Eddie finding that adorable and to do the same for Steve so he doesn't feel so lonely on Valentine's. They fall in love.

So here is the list of people that haven't liked, commented, or reblogged my stuff in about two months.

@danili666 @chaoticlovingdreamer @genderless-spoon @emly03 @scheodingers-muppet @i-must-potato

Some additional info!

I remove people who haven't interacted with any of my posts in more than 60 days. This is anything I post: chaptered fics, one-shots, and rants, whether or not they've been tagged.

What does interact mean? Comment, like, OR reblog. It doesn't have to be all three. Hell it doesn't even have go beyond a like. Though, really reblogs are the best because it means more people beyond the tag list can see it.

If you've done any of those things in less than sixty days, or have said that you're going through a rough patch and interaction will be down for awhile, you are still on the list.

I put up the option to be removed from certain stories because @maya-custodios-dionach said that they didn't like a couple of the stories (omegaverse and metal band Steve) and I thought oh, why don't ask people what they want to be tagged IN?

And in the last couple of days I've had about half of my tag list chiming in and tell me what they want. It's fantastic! Open communication for the win!!! It makes me giggle that no one has asked be from Boy With a Bat book 2, though. Literally everything else has.

Most of my regular permanent listers have made themselves known on what they want to be tagged on, but if you just like the post without commenting, I will take that as option 6 and move on. These people don't HAVE to comment or like, you'll stay on the list regardless.

But if you have stories you would much rather not be tagged in, I'd like to know, you know. ;)

IF YOU ARE REMOVED AND YOU WANT TO BE ADDED BACK ON LET ME KNOW!!

[clearheartsgreyflowerss]

A doctor's touch- Baizhu x fem!reader

this is so damn self indulgent and not really as much of a fic but more just my thoughts on Baizhu, so like slightly suggestive? That's like the only warning I have other than this is NOT proofread and will just be word vomit

Once again if you see grammar mistakes no you don't :)

I am 100% under the belief that Baizhu is a touchy person, like he will not get his hands off you. Before you two started dating he would leave little fleeting touches, to your shoulders, to your hands, to your thighs, etc. he just loves the feeling of your skin, even if for a few seconds.

When you two do start dating, good luck trying to get away from him. He will do everything holding your hand, with you in his lap, or just the two of you pressed close together, he just wants to always be near you!

Also he's a doctor, I know he's good with his hands. If he's not busy he will give you massages, and God I'm sure they're the best you'll ever have. He knows exactly where to put pressure and where not to, I'm sure he knows your body better than his own.

His favorite body part is definitely your thighs, he just loves how squishy and soft they are! If he has a break with you he will definitely lay his head on them, changsheng honestly is a little annoyed bc that means she actually has to move off his shoulders.

Speaking of Changsheng, she's totally a fan of you. even if she likes to complain, she does that about everyone, she does it significantly less about you dw :)

I mean this is a pretty obvious thing but he is the best person to be around when you're sick. I mean you literally live in a pharmacy with a doctor, he'll have you feeling better as fast as possible. Aside from the obvious though, I can see him actually being somewhat distraught while you're sick, not enough for anyone else to notice but changsheng, but still.

"Baizhu, you are well aware I don't like being around your neck if your hair is down." Changsheng started to slither up his arm, but stopped as she got closer to his neck. She hissed a little, before he raised his arm to meet her eyes.

"my apologies Changsheng, I've just been a little busy this morning." He walks over to the counter in the storage area of Bubu pharmacy, where he puts her down and then walks out of the room. She hisses once more, but curls up and waits for him to return.

He comes back into the room a few minutes later with his hair done, though changsheng can tell it wasn't done with his normal precision.

"You know [Name] just has a common fever, correct? I can tell that's what's bothering you."

"I am well aware, and it isn't bothering me, I don't know what you are talking about." Changsheng let out a grumble as she makes her way back up his arm and around his shoulders.

"you may be able to fool her, but you cannot fool me."

On the flip side, he is a NIGHTMARE to deal with if he is sick (well, more sick than he normally is). I mean he's literally dying, what's a little bit of extra coughing going to do to him? You are actually going to have to lock him in his room. Or lock yourself in there with him, at least you'll keep him occupied for longer till he tries to escape back to work.

He also will refuse to admit he's sick, like changsheng is at a point where shes begging you to make him lie down for a day or two. Yet he continues to brush off both of you, he always insists there is more work to be done. Even if you get him out right to admit that he's sick, he's still gonna try and take care of himself. He'll try to find all the medicine himself, make his own food etc., just because he doesn't want you to get sick too.

Back to him being touchy (sorry I was talking to my friend while I was writing they brought the being sick thing up) anyway, I think even if he's touchy, he's not a big fan of PDA. Like if you two are just around bubu pharmacy he will always be at the very least holding your hand, but when you two are out and about that's like the most he will do. It's not that he's embarrassed, he just doesn't find it necessary. If you two are out you're probably doing stuff, there's no need to be slowed down by constant touch (though if that's something you want he definitely isn't against it >:3)

THIS IS FOR ALL MY POLY PEOPLE IF YOU DONT LIKE THAT JUST SKIP THIS PARAGRAPH

I believe Baizhu would be open to being in a polyamorous relationship, whether that means both of you are just in an open relationship or you both have a third partner, he definitely doesn't care. I don't think he gets jealous easily, so if you bring another partner around he will welcome them very easily. He does tend to get defensive though, if he believes that one of your other relationships is hurting you, he will tell you what he thinks.

Anyway yeah I thought this was gonna be longer but guess who fucking forgot Tumblr existed! My finals were so stressful and honestly writing even after I was done with them also felt stressful, so I took another break. Hopefully I can get back into writing this summer, (may write some kind of birthday fic bc my birthday was a week ago). I hope y'all are enjoying the shit that I post, I know it's so inconsistent and random, but we're almost at 60 followers which is crazy to me, like the fact that 60 of you like my shitty thoughts enough to follow me is so crazy I love all of you sm :3

Also I'm so sorry if this is unreadable I finished it without looking back at anything that I wrote last so uhhh sorry if I repeated any thoughts.

Daily click to help those in Palestine

[peri-helia]

No use crying over spilt milk

Joe x Nicky Secret Agent AU

It’s a milk run, really.

Get in, make the drop and get out again. Something he’s done a million times, even in time sensitive situations.

Joe just has to make sure that Nicky doesn’t try to do the dishes before tomorrow morning. Under the kitchen sink isn’t one of his usual places of concealment, but he doesn’t want to risk Quynh or Nile finding any of his weapons under the sofa bed’s slats or in the guest room. So he’ll move his stuff, pry Nicky away from doing the dishes with kisses and convincing him that it’s okay to leave the pans to soak, just this once. Then he’ll extract everything while Nicky and Nile are on their morning run.

See? Easy.

He’s just nudging the cupboard door open with the toe of his boot, arms full, when there’s a rattling sound from inside the cupboard and the door springs open, the familar sound of weaponry thudding to the floor as a barrage of knives, and a couple of handguns fall out of the cupboard and skid across the floor around him.

Which. Are not his.  

What.

What.

Had Andy done an inventory and forgot to tell him? Stacking them haphazardly like this was normally Booker’s sort of thing -

There’s the light, rapid tread of someone running down the hall, of Nicky running down the hall towards the noise and towards trouble just like always and it’s all Joe can do to shout, “I can explain!”

Arms full of his Spare Bedroom Stash, standing on one leg in front of the kitchen sink was not how he figured he’d tell his husband he was a spy but to be honest he’d sort of not thought about it and just hoped for the best.

Christ, Booker’s really rubbing off on him.

“I can explain!” Nicky repeats, repeats – What the actual fuck - as he rounds the corner, hands raised.

“Uh – I” Nicky’s eyes dart from the mess on the floor to Joe’s weapon laid arms and back again. His face cycles through expressions too fast for even Joe to read them, but there’s flashes of panic, confusion and worry there. Everything Joe’s feeling right now, basically. 

Whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthe

“What the fuck do you mean you can explain?!”

Nicky can’t even slice an onion without supervision, he forgot to take the knife guard off when they visited Booker’s family for dinner two weeks ago, Joe remembers hysterically, what the fuck is he doing with all this.

Nicky takes a deep, calming breath that comes out vaguely shuddery, his shoulders still somewhere about his ears, gaze resolutely fixed on Joe’s face. “Yusuf.” Oh fuck, not good. Can be very good in the will you spend the rest of eternity with me or the I’m going to pretend I am not going to let you talk me into spending all day in bed again way. But this is more of the Quynh’s ship went down. Andy’s stitches that Nicky thinks is from an appendectomy have re-opened sort of way. “Yusuf, habibi, would you sit down? Please?”

Joe puts the weaponry on the kitchen table, thinking about what a mad tableau this makes, the two of them sitting at the kitchen table, a pile of weaponry between them. Nicky quietly takes the opposing chair, sighing to himself when Joe doesn’t sit. Joe notices absently that Nicky takes the chair that is between Joe and the door, but angles it slightly so that he can see it too, the way he always does, even here, even at home.  

“I suppose I should start with the fact that – um, well, I’m not an translator”

Joe blinks because of course Nicky is a translator. He forever sits at this very table, earphones jammed over his ears, listening quietly. He starts ordering his coffee in one language and finishes it in another. He corrects the poor subtitles on Netflix, with a quiet mutter of ‘that’s not what they’re saying’, eyes flitting over the actors’ mouths as his brow furrows. There are notebooks and notebooks filled with his transcriptions. But, but all Nicky’s work comes from his laptop – the work laptop he has to use an app to open, not from his notebooks and – oh, oh God

 His eyes catch at Nicky’s own, those beautiful oceanic eyes, all big and pleading and Joe’s brain starts back on its track of whatthefuckwhatthefuck, the grip of his Beretta digging painfully into the meat of his palm. Nicky’s still talking.

“Joe? Tesoro, I really wish you would sit down. I –“ his Adam’s apple bobs, “di immortals is not an translation firm, it’s a front for my team, Quynh’s team and the whole me not being able to cook thing is a lie, a painful one but I'm too good with it and you'd have known and – I don’t own throwing stars” Nicky stops, mouth open, eyes trained on Joe’s hands.

Joe becomes painfully aware of the crick developing where his little finger is hooked though said throwing stars that Andy had got him for the Sao Paulo job years ago, just because he’d said there were cool and he’d wanted to learn. Because Andy’s the best.

“Of course not – these are mine!” It comes out somewhere between indignant, proud and enthused.

Well. Fuck.

This was not how he’d pictured this going at all.

[chickenhoops]

Pride PFP Commissions!

For pride I wanted to do something cuz I actually feel like I have the interest/ ability to publicly celebrate pride this year (at least on the internet). So let’s start out with special pride commissions! Sorry for the ugly layout I had to rush this : | but each profile pick can include:

Your sona/oc/character of choice

Your pride flags of choice (I can prolly fit a maximum of four different ones onto a profile pic).

I will start taking commissions for these June 1- June 30th.

I currently accept PayPal only, and prices for these are between $10-15 depending on the complexity.

Things I will NOT do below:

I will not do any superstraight or supersexuality of any kind flag, I’m not making transphobia art for you and I’m not gonna validate your dumb fake sexuality.

Any flag I may find problematic ( I’m talking about Pedophillia [MAPs if that’s even still a thing], incest, ect flags that I personally consider problematic due to the nature of what this is trying to normalize, I’m not a super educated person on flags but I’m sure there’s a handful of actual valid flags that have extreme problems which if so please let me know thanks.)

NFSW in terms of extreme gore, nudity, and super sexual themes, sorry but since these are pfps I am not comfortable with those requests. If you are interred in queer-centric nsfw listed in the not doing list and are an adult you can just commission me regularly with non pfp art.

There may be things not listed here I do not know or remember I am uncomfortable with but may come across when being commissioned, if so I will let you know personally.

[pensocks]

i really don't normally do these things but i've been starting to feel just a teensy bit guilty about not being the sappy type lol and i got this urge at 1 am this morning while in a coffee-driven all-nighter and decided fuck it (this is a repeating factor in decisions i make. send help.)

so here's a small lil list of amazing people i'm genuinely overjoyed to be friends or even just moots with <3

yes im copying brookie bite me /silly

stuff under cut cuz this is gonna be long lol

@mischiefburns - my darling husband first of course !! <3 half joking marriage aside i'd say you're one of my closest friends - even if we've only known each other for just a few months. you're just the right amount of gentle and still know when to put your foot (er, claw-bug-thing) down, and i admire that about you. you know when to stop when boundaries are set up and to not push those, and you're not afraid to enforce your own, something i constantly fail to do (• ▽ •;) i love how open you are about yourself and how caring you care <3 ilysm !! mmmmwah :3 (im trying to get better at regretevator i promise)

@bluginkgo - first things first if you disagree with anything here i will punt you. (/silly /hj) you're so endearing, and your little emoticons never fail to make me smile. the message you sent me the other week really helped a lot, and your reaction spamming when i post art really does help with my motivation !! you're one of the most wholesome people i've ever met, and when your discord pfp changes to your sona with a bandaged leg i get worried for you. i love seeing your discussions in the nuzi server or your art popping up on my dash because HOLY SHIT YOU'RE GIFTED I TELL YOU !!!! like your nuzi fankid exploded my final 0.3 braincells i have left in the absolute best way but i'll save that speech for another time <3

@noridoorman - HIIIII MOM >:3 (i hope this tag is ok!! lmk if it's not <3) you're literally the second person i thought of when writing the idea down for this fhsfeesfigr. i love hanging out with you in VC and watching your stream or you drawing or listening to you and doomed voice ace attorney and you threatening to throw certain people (brookie and blu specifically) out windows or grab them by the scruff is literally the highlight of my day and never fails to make me laugh. you're so kind and funny and i'm sorry i can't share your love of k-pop 😔 (/silly) TRYING TO CATCH UP ON CINNAMON SCENT TOO BUT THE ADHD IS LIKE NUH UH </33

@brookiedaaroacecookie - im claiming you and miko as my siblings we can be triplets (/hj /nf) BUT SERIOUSLY THO i view you as my younger sibling and i love hanging out with you <3 you officiating mischief and mine's (GRR OFC IT WAS REAL /silly) wedding will forever be a memory i'll keep and tell to my grandkids in sixty something years or something like that idfk. i still have your little tag thing screenshotted and i'm sorry i can't tell the difference between french toast and grilled cheese </3 (/silly) also whats keats and why do you always laugh at it or was that an autocorrect thing /silly but also /gq

@spinnydraws - DFUHERFGRGIE I KNOW WE'VE ONLY BEEN MOOTS FOR LIKE. A WEEK AND A HALF OR SOMETHING IDK. BUT. HEAR ME OUT. already i view you as a friend and i'm extremely grateful to be moots with you! you're extremely funny and kind, and when you like or reblog my art i ascend to heaven. everytime i see your art i explode all over again even if i've already exploded not five minutes ago. AND WHY ARE YOU LITERALLY SO N. LITERALLY. WAHT. (/vpos) BUT LIKE. honestly you're a big comfort of mine already (i have a problem of wanting to be besties with literally every n kinnie out there. uzi kintype noises.) and i'd love to get to know you more !! <3

@nuzilicious - i refuse to give up trying to make you undislike me. until then all u get is ur awesome and im extremely thankful u havent blocked and banned me!!!!!! /silly /j

@uzibrainrot - omg what do i even say. you're so wholesome and so goofy and i loved roleplaying md with you on roblox even if it was just for a bit and if you wanna do it again sometime i'd absolutely love to!!!! i know we don't interact much but when we do it's awesome !! i promise the art trade is almost done i promise promise promise shhdshjdshfh. ALSO WHEN YOU WANNA WORK ON THAT VOLL CRACKFIC TOGETHER LMK!!! :DDD!!

i would @ andy but idk his tumblr so um. andy if you see this, you're not only one of the kindest most woke and most funny beings on this planet (i've never seen a cishet guy do a colon three it's literally so funny HELP /lhj /gen), but also a mind-blowingly awesome mc player !! :DD

ok i must disappear into the void to take care of my cramps (ew) so im gonna die now but ily all sm and hope you're all doing MORE than great !!! :DD!!!!! (/p /gen) explodes and dies in the grand canyon. or something. idk i need to stop exploding.

[talesfromthesnogbox]

I Want Your Video

Summary: Henry is roped into getting off on camera, the Hysterical Literature AU nobody asked for.

Rating: Explicit

Word Count: 8,815

AO3 Link

----------

“Pez…”

“Hazza! Come on, you’d be doing me a huge favour.”

Henry rolled his eyes. He loved his best friend Percy, he really did, but he had a knack for getting Henry to do things he would normally never do. And this… this, was something he’d never thought about doing, ever.

“Pez, I’ve got an actual following now. Don’t you think this is a little…”

“No! This is perfect for you. And with your next book coming soon too, trust me Henry, this will be great, you’ll be great."

See, Henry was a writer, just… not a very successful one. Until recently. His debut novel How to Steal a Heart didn’t do as well as he’d hoped when he upended his life and moved from London to Brooklyn. Broke from trying to market his book, and determined to not accept defeat, he took a job with his publisher, where he’d then become friends with one of the lawyers on staff, one Alex Claremont-Diaz. Unfortunately for Henry, Alex was so so much like Gabriel, the love interest to James in Henry’s novel. It was like he’d shook the book and watched Alex step out as he got to know the other man, and in his opinion, his perfect man.

How to Steal a Heart wasn’t the Pride & Prejudice Henry had hoped to one day write, but it was his first novel, and absolutely his baby. Three years sitting on the shelves with hardly any sales had Henry close to throwing in the towel. Alex encouraged him to keep writing, even if only for himself, but it was hard for him to find motivation to continue. It was only weeks later that Alex would send him the TikTok that would change his life. The book blew up, Henry started getting recognized on the street, the interviews poured in, and suddenly, he was signing for books two and three with his publisher.

And Pez, his best friend, wanted him to do porn.

“I know what’s going through your head, young man. The video isn’t porn, it’s an artistic statement on human sexuality.”

“Pez. You want me to sit on camera and read a book while someone tugs me off, it’s porn.” Henry played with his signet ring, refusing to meet Pez’s eyes.

“No one will be touching you, dear. It’s all remote control based, and very safe and respectful. I would keep my spot on the team but you know I’ve got to go back to London to see my dear Granny. Please Hazza?”

Henry rolled his eyes. “How many people are in the room with me? And do I have to get Shaan to sign off on anything?”

Pez’s excitable gasp put a smile on Henry’s face. “Oh my god you’re a lifesaver! I’ll send the documents over for him to glance at. The shoot is on Saturday morning, wear what you like, you’re still gonna be clothed above the waist. Just one person of your choosing in the room to start and stop the camera, or none if you like! I’ll drop off the goods at your office on Friday before I leave.”

By the time Friday rolled around, Henry had almost forgotten what he’d agreed to. Almost. Pez flew through his office like a tornado, giving him advice on what to wear, how to style his hair, and finally, dropping off what he came for.

“Brand spanking new, and yours to keep after the shoot, you’re welcome. I’ve got one like that too and… you are very welcome.” Henry grimaced. “I’m sure you two will have a lot of fun.”

“Everything I’ve learned about your sex life has been against my will.” Henry inspected the box Pez gave him. The packaging was nice, sturdy, expensive feeling. 

“Well I happen to know you’re more of a size queen than I am, so lube up friend, there’s some in the box.”

His face scrunched in disgust as he reminded himself to never tell Pez anything ever again. 

“Right, thanks for that then I suppose. Anything else I should know about—”

A knock and a mass of dark, curly hair interrupted his train of thought. Alex.

“Shit sorry, didn’t know you had company.” 

Henry scrambled to hide the box Pez had dropped off, eyebrows shooting into his hairline as Pez shot him a look. “Not to worry dear, Auntie Pezza has a flight to catch. See you later boys, oh and Henry, tell me how it goes?”

Henry nodded at his friend, waving him off. “Safe travels, all the rest. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

Alex turned to Henry, a question gleaming in his eyes. “Hot date later?”

His eyebrows shot up into his hairline as Henry puffed out a breath. “No, no not quite.”

“Excellent. So you’ll be around tomorrow afternoon then?” Alex looked almost hopeful.

Henry winced. “Also not quite, no. Tomorrow night maybe?” He knew he’d probably be keyed up and feeling slightly self conscious after the shoot, drinks with his other best friend slash office crush would definitely keep his mind occupied.

Alex shrugged. “Sure, I can make that work. Want to try that new place in Greenwich?” He flashed his million dollar smile at Henry, the one that never failed to make him melt.

He’s straight, he’s straight, he’s straight!

“Sounds lovely. I’ll swing by yours around 7 and we can come up together?” 

“Sure thing, sweetheart.” Alex gestured to the mound of papers on Henry’s desk, covering the unopened toy box. “So whatcha hiding in there?”

Henry’s breath hitched. “Oh—um well you see…” He stroked his chin, a faraway look taking over his features. “Well you know Pez fairly well I guess. He’s talked me into… helping out one of his friends while he’s gone with an… art… thing…”

Alex’s dark brow furrowed, he nodded along knowing he probably wouldn’t get anything more from the blond man. “Right. And I’m assuming the art… thing is tomorrow afternoon?”

He nodded, clicking his tongue. “Shouldn’t take long—well… ah—I um—” Henry stumbled on his words. “Yeah. I’ve gotta be ready for two.”

“Cool. Do I get to know what it is?”

Henry’s internal monologue had just become various screams. “Ah, um maybe I’ll tell you about it sometime once it’s done and I’ve consumed a lot of alcohol.”

Alex smirked. “Is that a challenge?”

He let out an incredulous laugh. “Git!”

“I’ll see you tomorrow, I want those dirty details, Fox.”

Henry blushed. “You have no idea what you’re asking for Alex.”

---

The time had come for Henry to be on camera, and in all fairness to Pez, everyone so far had been really lovely. Sophie, the eager intern, had him checked in with paperwork and release forms signed, and Theo, the director of the project, walked him through the afternoon’s timeline.

“So we’ll start with a short interview, just to get a sense of who you are, a bit of your background and what you do, then we’ll take a short break to get you prepped, and from there it’s go time. I’m assuming Pez dropped off the vibrator?” Henry nodded, taking in the information in stride as he remembered what he was there to actually do. “Great. I’ll be in the other room controlling the remote for you, so you don’t have to do anything but look pretty and read. Any questions?”

“Yeah, where… um—” Henry had taken some time earlier to stretch himself out a bit in preparation, but the toy was still firmly nestled in its box. Luckily the project was fairly portable, and the small crew had invaded his new apartment.

“Where can you get yourself ready?” His place was bigger than his last shoebox, but still small enough to feel self conscious about inserting the plug knowing there were people in the room over. It had been years since he’d had roommates, and he wasn’t used to having to monitor his noise levels. “We’re setting up in the office so it’s up to you, whether you’d prefer your bedroom or bathroom, we’ll keep crew away from there.” Henry nodded in acknowledgement. “I know this is intimidating, but say the word and we stop, you know that, right?”

He let out a sigh of relief, a smile crossing his face. “Thank you. I’m okay, just a little nervous is all. I’m not unaccustomed to strangers watching me finish,” he shot Theo a look, hoping he understood he was talking about random hookups, “but I’ve never done anything on camera before.”

“Totally fine, don’t even think of it that way, you’re just reading a book!” 

He smiled and followed him into the office for the interview portion of the video.

Once he was mic’d up and properly lit, Theo started with the questions.

“Why don’t you introduce yourself a bit, tell us who you are and what you’ll be reading today.”

A warm smile crossed Henry’s face. “Hi, I’m Henry Fox, and I’m a writer. Originally hailing from London, I moved to New York with my best friend Pez to be closer to my publisher. My book How to Steal a Heart recently became popular on BookTok, and has been in the top five on the New York Times bestsellers list for twenty weeks in a row. It follows a young prince named James who goes undercover as a commoner weeks before his wedding to Lady Elizabeth. James meets Gabriel, a Spanish traveller, who’s been sent to England to steal a precious jewel from the royal family, but instead steals James’ heart.” He looks down at his desk, stroking the spine of the book. “I poured my heart and soul into this book, and it’s incredibly touching to hear how much everyone else has loved it too. But I won’t be reading this today.”

Henry picked up the other book on his desk, a well loved copy of a Regency era romance, two handsome men on the cover. “The Servant and the Gentleman by Annabelle Greene. These have kind of become my guilty pleasure read when I’m not in the headspace for something like Pride & Prejudice. There’s something romantic and sexy about the Regency era, when a simple brush of fingers can cause an audience to gasp. Of course this one is a lot, erm, smuttier than Austen’s work, but it’s a work I’ve returned to a few times.” He looks up at Theo, who’s leaning against the doorframe with a smile.

“Great! You’re a natural on camera, Henry.” Theo leads the excess crew out of the room in preparation for the next stage. He hands him a bath robe and walks him to his bedroom. “We’re going to fix up the desk a little bit, throw a sheet over it so your lower half is covered. We tested the remote already, so you just need to worry about you, okay?”

Henry nodded in understanding, taking the box from Sophie the intern, and closing his door. The nerves had begun to settle in as he unboxed the black, silicone plug. It felt nice, soft and lightweight, the small light indicating it was already on but the motor not started. He gave it a wash, letting it air dry on a clean towel as he stepped out of his trousers and briefs. His heart pounded as he poured a bit of lube on his fingers and got to work opening himself up.

A short few minutes later, he was able to slip the the toy in. Henry groaned, his cock finally warming up to the idea of what he was about to do. Taking a deep breath, he donned the robe Theo had given him, and walked out into the office.

Henry knew realistically this wasn’t the first video the crew had done. Pez mentioned they were filming twelve over the course of a few weeks, and his had been near the end, but he was fairly surprised by the professionalism of it all. He settled into his chair, a towel already laid down, and sheet covering his legs from the room, and dropped the robe. His breath hitched as the plug nudged his prostate; they hadn’t even started filming and he already knew he was fucked. 

“Alright. If we’re ready to go, I’ll just give you a bit of a run down. We’ll hit record on the camera and get out of your way, I’ve got headphones so I can monitor what you’re saying. You’ll start by introducing yourself and the book you’re reading, once you’ve finished, state your name once more and the title of the book. We’ll wait outside until you’re ready for us to come back in. I’ll control the remote from this side of the door. If ever it gets too intense or you don’t want to continue, please just yell for one of the crew and we stop. You understand so far?”

Henry nodded.

“Verbal consent please hon, things can get pretty intense and I want to make sure you’re okay.”

Henry smiled. “Yes, thank you Theo, I understand.”

He gave a quick nod and continued. “Don’t worry about holding back, noises, faces, words are all good, but please don’t feel the need to put on a show. I want you to be authentic in yourself, show us what your pleasure looks like. It’s a beautiful thing, it’s poetic, it’s art. Last thing, don’t worry about how long or short you last here. We’ve had a few people last a couple paragraphs, and one last a couple chapters. Take what you need.”

“Got it. I—I think I’m ready.”

Theo smiled. “Good, we’re ready on our end as well. I’ll hit record, and as soon as I’m out the door, you can start.”

Henry nodded one last time, wriggling in his chair and turning to the chapter. Theo gave him a thumbs up, and closed the door, leaving him alone. He took a deep breath, and stared down the barrel of the lens. “Hi, I’m Henry Fox, and today I’ll be reading The Servant and The Gentleman by Annabelle Greene.”

He cleared his throat, eyes scanning the page before he started. “Chapter ten. One bed. A very large bed, a mahogany four-poster that took up most of the sloping attic room, but still a bed in the singular rather than plural. Josiah sat awkwardly on one corner of it, the feathers in the mattress astonishingly soft.” 

Henry’s fingers twitched in anticipation, his pulse quickening; the wait for the vibrations to start was almost agonizing, and his cock thickened as the wait for pleasure stretched on. He could begin to understand why this was so erotic. He was alone so the pleasure felt like it was all his, but in reality, someone on the other side of that door held the key to his undoing.

He continued the chapter, getting accustomed to the way his voice sounded in the room alone, when he jolted as a low thrumming vibration started. “He’d noticed, then. He’d seen what Josiah had secretly h-hoped he would. Josiah took a step towards Hartley, seized with a sudden, overwhelming desire to k-kiss him.” Henry stumbled over the words, taking deep breaths as he tried to read in earnest. He shifted in his seat, hoping to take some pressure away, but the new angle had the bulbous head of the plug settle right up against his prostate. Almost like clockwork, the vibrations levelled up.

His words became breathy, and he gulped in air, trying to hold back the whines he desperately wanted to let go, but he kept reading. “He held his breath as Mr. Balfour moved closer. Close enough to press against him, chest to chest, thigh to thigh. Hartley sighed, a deep shiver running through him as he looked into the man’s warm brown eyes—Oh!” Henry dropped the book from his left hand, his palm coming flat to the table as he tilted his head down and closed his eyes in pleasure. He bit his lip, and scrunched his nose, resisting the urge to roll his hips. His cock was now fully interested in what was happening, he was half hard, and so badly wanted to wrap his hand around his length. But with a low chuckle, he returned both hands to the book and continued reading. 

“He couldn’t even think of him as Mr. Balfour anymore.” Henry composed himself, getting accustomed to the new speed of the toy. “Not in this naked, vulnerable light. Master, servant, Mr. Hartley, Mr. Balfour; no rank, no polite form of address, quite held up to scrutiny. Not here. Not now.” He gasped, gripping the book with white knuckled fingers, and let the air out with a hum through closed lips. “Fuckin’ hell that’s… wow.” With a shake of his head, he read on.

“The man in front of him was Josiah. As for himself, he was no one, no one at all. Just a terrified creature in desperate need of relief, of fulfilment that only Josiah could provide.” His voice was shaky, and his knee bounced under the table. “Hartley stared, briefly shocked at the idea of it, before Josiah’s lips met his, and thoughts were suddenly, deliciously drowned in f—uuuuck.” Henry threw his head back, chest heaving as he finally gave into his instincts and let his hips roll. With every rock of his hips, the plug pushed against his prostate, sending jolts of pleasure through his body. His cock leaked a steady stream of precum, and his fingers itched to grasp himself, spread his wetness down his length, pump into his fist, with a name on his lips. And suddenly he remembered where he was again. “Deliciously drowned in feeling.”

“There was no room anymore. No door, no walls, no confinement whatsoever. With J-Josiah’s kiss came infinite sp—infinite space; a liberation so complete that H-Hartley couldn’t help but sigh with relief.” His fingers shook as he traced the words, and suddenly, that telltale tingle at the base of his spine started. “O—oh f—fuck.” He moaned in earnest, the dam breaking now as he writhed in his seat. “He—unnhh!” Henry slammed his palm down against the desk again, shoulders hunching forwards as his hand curled. He was close, but it wasn’t enough. If he could only get a hand around himself… 

Henry panted lowly, not sure if it was deemed appropriate to ask to go up in speed, but as if his mind had been read, the vibrations kicked it up a notch. The book was long forgotten, his eyes were closed, and he was sure his face was a picture of pleasure. A second jolt of pleasure railed through him as the piece of the toy wedged against his perineum sparked to life. His cock leaked steadily now, he shook as he reached back to grip the edge of the chair, a strangled cry leaving his throat. His other hand slammed against the table, losing his page in the book entirely. His hips rocked against the chair and he whimpered. “Ffffuck, f—fuck, A—Ale…. christ.” He choked in a breath, back going taut as his hips stuttered, and with a shout, he came. 

His ass clenched around the plug as he painted the towel draped across his lap. The shocks kept coming, he felt like it would never end, like he never wanted it to end, it was fucking good. An airy giggle left his lips as his head lolled back, the aftershocks of his orgasm wracking through him, milking the plug he had absolutely no control over. Henry kind of felt invincible, like he could do it again, and again, and again, until his body could give nothing else. He’d never came so hard, not even with the best fuck he’d had, and in that moment he knew, he’d put on a damn good show.

The camera crew must have heard him coming down, because the vibrations stopped shortly after he’d caught his breath. Henry chuckled and shook his head, breathing in once, twice, then looking right down the barrel of the lens again and saying, “My name is Henry Fox, and I’ve just read The Servant and The Gentleman by Annabelle Greene.”

He blinked once, twice, giving Theo enough room to cut the end of his shot, then he moved to clean himself up. Wiping himself down brought the sudden realization that this was going to be online… and then it dawned on him… what if Alex saw this? 

---

Henry wrung his hands together as he met up with Alex for their dinner in Greenwich. He was still keyed up despite the satiated feeling that took over his body as soon as Theo and his crew left that afternoon; it was a different type of intensity, the anticipation of knowing Alex could find out at any point what he was doing that afternoon. And of course, the anxiety of knowing he’d pretty well shouted Alex’s name as he came.

“Henry… hey, are you… are you there man?”

Henry blinked at Alex, shaking his head slightly pulling himself out of his thoughts. “Yes, yes sorry. You were saying?”

Alex stopped, pulling Henry to the edge of the sidewalk when he’d earned a grumble under their breath from a passing pedestrian. “Are you okay? You seem off. Did something happen?”

“What? No, I’m fine! I’m fine.”

Alex cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow. “You sure about that? You’ve been quiet since you came to get me.”

A smile graced Henry’s face finally, hopefully levelling out some of Alex’s concern. “Yes, I’m sure, I’m fine. I think this afternoon was just a little more… intense than I was anticipating.”

“Oh yeah!” Alex lit up once more, guiding Henry back onto the sidewalk towards their destination. “How’d your art thing go?”

Henry held back the urge to laugh. What did he even say to that? It was incredible? The best orgasm he’d ever had? Oh, I came so hard my brain leaked out my ears, and you can watch it all in dazzling 4K, coming soon to a youtube channel near you. Don’t get freaked out if you maybe hear your name towards the end, I definitely wasn’t thinking of you railing me into next week.

“It was good, the people were nice.”

Alex shot him a look. “That’s it? You ever gonna tell me what it was about? Oh! Or will I maybe see it down the line?” A high pitched giggle left Henry’s mouth. “What’s that supposed to mean? My god, did you like pose nude or something?”

Henry tilted his head side to side, face scrunched. “Or something.” 

“What!” Alex grabbed Henry’s forearm, shooting heat through him and making him blush. That beautiful smile graced his features, deviant and excitable, making him feel oddly supported. “Oh my god Henry, did you do a boudoir shoot? This whole time I thought you were a prude, have you been holding out on me?”

Henry scoffed. “You’ve read my book, you know I’m not a prude.”

“I thought we were friends, would you just tell me already? It’s killing me here man!” 

“Maybe in time. And with a lot of alcohol, remember? Just… drop it for tonight, please?”

Alex rolled his eyes. “Fine. I’ll drop it. But when you do finally tell me what it was, I wanna see it!”

Henry’s heart skipped a beat. “Absolutely not.”

---

irl chaos demon

[10:15 p.m.] Dude, have you seen this?

Alex swiped away Nora’s text, knowing it was probably some TikTok trend, and he was not willing to start on that rabbit hole tonight.

 irl chaos demon

[10:18 p.m.] I just finished watching it and… I think you’ll want to see this 👀

He eyed the message carefully before finally clicking on the notification and seeing the youtube link she’d sent him. Intimate Words: Session Ten: Henry.

Oh?

The thumbnail was vague. Alex recognized the background to be Henry’s apartment office space, with the wall of books behind him. He was seated at his desk, a book open in front of him, as he smiled softly into the camera. His hair wasn’t messy, but it wasn’t slicked back into his usual perfect coif. Alex imagined this softer, more undone version of Henry was one reserved for the comforts of his own home when he shared it with someone more… well intimately. He clicked through to the video, a short logo stinger introducing it, and oh! This must have been the art thing he was doing those few weeks ago!

Alex paused the video, considering the idea of texting Henry to let him know he would be watching… but then remembered how skittish he’d been about it. He’d gotten the impression that Henry didn’t want Alex watching this. The description was about as vague as the thumbnail, it read ‘Author Henry Fox reads from The Servant and The Gentleman by Annabelle Greene. Directed by Theo Lawson’ 

It seemed straightforward enough, just Henry reading a book… so then why was he so embarrassed about it?

Alex did the only thing he could think to do at that moment. He called June.

“Hey Lil Bit, what’s up?”

“Did Nora show you a video of Henry?”

June scoffed. “Yeah, she did. I didn’t watch it all the way through cause he’s like my less annoying non-biological brother and that would be weird, but…”

“Why didn’t you finish the video? She said I’ll want to see it, but it didn’t sound like Henry wanted me to see it.” 

June went silent. 

“Bug, what’s up with this fucking video?”

“Alejandro!” Nora joined the call, sitting beside June. “To what do we owe the pleasure, we just got into bed.”

“Gross. Nora what’s with the link?”

“Ooooooh! Did you watch it? Hot, right?”

It was Alex’s turn to be silent.

“Oooohhhkay, I’m going to guess from your lack of response you either didn’t watch it, or are currently questioning your sexuality.”

“Nora, why the fuck would this video make me question my sexuality?”

Nora chuckled. “So you really didn’t watch it, huh. Have you actually not heard about this project?”

“Clearly I haven’t.” Alex went right to Google. The Intimate Words project. He clicked on the first link to the official site and read through the description, eyes going wide. “Nora… did Henry… sorry explain this to me like I’m five. What am I looking at?”

“Henry read a book on camera while getting some good vibrations, pun intended, as an artistic statement in favour of normalizing what pleasure looks like on different people.”

Alex took a deep breath. “Okay. Okay. Soooo, should I watch it?”

“I dunno Alex, should you?”

“I mean do I want to watch it?”

Her voice went softer. “I can’t answer that Alejandro, do you want to watch it?”

Alex dropped his hand, looking at the video thumbnail again. Henry’s soft smile stared back, warm and inviting, and for a moment, a flutter erupted in his chest. He was straight. He was straight? At least he was pretty sure he was straight… Was he? 

His head spun as he thought back to every interaction he’d had with Henry since meeting him. They riffed off each other perfectly, best buds, a good pal, but… but Alex was disappointed whenever Henry would cancel plans, and everything felt better, brighter, when Henry was around. 

A few minutes of comfortable silence had passed. “Nora? I’m gonna go.”

“You okay Lil Bit?” This time it was June that chimed in.

“Yeah, I’m good, well, we’ll see how I’m feeling in a bit I guess.”

“Call me when you’re done!” Nora shouted over the phone.

“Ew, that’s my brother, asshole.”

Alex hung up before their fighting turned into something he wouldn’t be able to un-hear, and clicked on the video. His heart was thrumming in his chest as Henry’s smooth voice rang through his bedroom, and he began reading.

It was only a minute or so into the video, but nothing out of the ordinary had happened. It was just Henry, he was just reading, and maybe it wouldn’t be that bad. He was twitchier than usual, but Alex figured it had to do with the nature of the video he was performing in. Henry didn’t seem like the type of person to do anything like this. Admittedly, Alex didn’t know really much about Henry’s dating life, he tended to keep pretty quiet about it at work or otherwise, but apparently he was more adventurous than Alex thought him to be. 

But then came the stuttering. 

And Alex’s body finally caught up with what his brain knew he was watching.

From the first breathy gasp Henry let out, Alex knew the answer to the question he’d had in his mind since the phone call with Nora. It was a clear and resounding no. 

He watched as Henry bit his full bottom lip, a stream of little noises spilling from between his teeth. Alex could see the way his fingers trembled against the desk, like Henry was unable to control the way they spasmed as he let what clearly was a magnificent feeling wash over him. He wasn’t entirely sure just what was being used on Henry, but his mind ran rampant with ideas, and it took less than a minute for his own cock to stir in his joggers. 

Alright, guess we’re doing this.

Henry’s voice shook deliciously as he continued to read, and for a moment, Alex thought about having him read aloud while Henry rode his cock. He groaned at the idea, which apparently Henry from the video could tell. “Fuckin’ hell that’s… wow.”

The surprise from his lips was almost endearing, no, adorable, but only for another minute because shortly after Henry let out a downright filthy string of expletives. 

“Fuck baby.” Alex groaned, watching Henry grind away on his desk chair. He wanted to mark up that perfect neck, suck bruises wherever he could, nip away at those sinful collarbones… he wanted to be the one making Henry feel like that.

Henry’s composure was waining, and so was Alex’s as his fingers twitched, itching to get a hand on himself. He could see the moment Henry gave up on the task at hand and focused purely on his pleasure, chasing what he needed, and good god, it was the hottest fucking thing Alex had seen in his thirty years of life. Better than anything he’d read, anything he’d seen, porn or otherwise, this video would ruin anyone else for him. Henry would ruin anyone else for him. His eyes were glued to the screen, he didn’t even want to blink in case he missed anything, and… was that his name?

Alex scrubbed backwards, hitting play and listening carefully and… “Ffffuck, f—fuck, A—Ale…. christ.”

He paused the video, the pleasure on Henry’s face frozen in time, the pleasure he’d gotten seconds after saying his name. Alex.

Alex opened his messages and texted Nora back.

TO: irl chaos demon

[10:58 p.m.] We’re talking about this tomorrow.

Tomorrow. Not tonight, tomorrow. Tonight Alex was preoccupied. 

The sexuality crisis could wait. The imagery of Henry getting off with his name on his lips was past the point of sending Alex into a spiral, and right to him being horny about it. He pulled his half hard cock out of his joggers, not even bothering with pushing them down knowing this would be quick. A few tugs with his hand had him throbbing and leaking over his knuckles. He closed his eyes, the memory of Henry’s breathy whimpers racing through his mind. A bite of his lip and a throaty groan of his own, and quickly, Alex was spilling over his fingers, making a mess of his hand and the waistband of his joggers.

He only allowed himself a moment of contemplation before he was wiping his hand off on his bottoms, they’d have to be washed anyways, and going to brush his teeth.

As he stared at his reflection, hair tousled, cheeks flushed, Alex did what he did in every crisis. He made a list.

That video of Henry turned him on.

Nora thought he’d want to see the video, and he did.

If he was being honest, that wasn’t the first time he’d had some kind of… feeling like that for a man.

On some level, he knew that he had to be somewhat into Henry 

That video of Henry really fucking turned him on.

With a sigh, Alex contemplated what this meant for him. There was no problem with him accepting the fact that he was low-key into guys. If anything, it opened up the dating pool for him… but he had a feeling he didn’t really want the dating pool to be opened past… well… Henry. He’d never really given a thought to his sexuality. Yeah, he liked women, he was confident in that for sure, but he’d never really thought about dating men until Henry.

By this point it was nearly midnight, and Alex’s head was spinning. He texted the group chat with Nora and June suggesting brunch in the morning and crawled into bed, hoping some clarity would come with sleep. That night he dreamt of Henry.

---

Brunch the next morning was… eventful to say the least. There was a lot of teasing on Nora’s part, and Alex spent the whole meal red (and not from the effects of bottomless mimosas). After much contemplation, and a chat with both Nora and June, Alex came to the conclusion that he was bisexual.

The more he said it, the more he felt like it really fit, and by the end of the weekend, Alex was feeling more confident about himself than he had felt in a while.

Monday morning at the office felt a little bit brighter, there was a spring in his step and for once he actually felt relaxed after a weekend off. That is until he opened his calendar and remembered that he agreed to lunch with Henry today.

“Alex, good morning.”

Speak of the devil.

“H-hey man, how was your weekend?” Alex picked up his coffee, blowing away the steam before taking a sip.

“It was nice, got a lot of writing done actually. I have another meeting this morning about my latest draft, but it’s all been pretty ‘good vibes’ so far with this book.”

Alex choked on his coffee, his nose burning from the hot liquid suddenly entering his airway.

“Oh god, are you alright?”

Alex nodded frantically, reaching for some tissues to wipe down the mess. “Fine, fine sorry, went down the wrong pipe there.”

Henry chuckled. “Just learning to swallow?” 

“Something like that.”

Henry’s eyebrows rose, oh god, Alex thought, am I actually successfully flirting with Henry?

“So lunch. Spencer and Zarah can’t make it today, I think it’s just gonna be us two. I was hoping to maybe check out that new Thai place?”

Alex blinked slowly. Lunch alone with Henry sounded dangerous, but it would be suspicious if he also randomly bailed. “Yeah, sounds great. I’ll meet you at the elevator at 1?”

Henry smiled warmly and nodded. “See you then!” He looked back and waved once he’d walked away, and Instantly Alex knew he was screwed.

The morning stretched on as Alex waited for the clock to strike 1. Henry looked so good today in a soft sweater, the collar of his shirt peeking through, and his hair just a little bit undone. His heart fluttered anxiously as he watched the clock, not even knowing what the hell he even did that morning, and then finally, it was time. Alex grabbed his wallet and phone, forcing himself to walk, not run, to the elevators where Henry was waiting. Unfortunately for him, the sight of Henry made him lose every coherent thought he’d had until that point.

They rode the elevator down in complete silence, Alex worrying the entire time about what they’d talk about once they were seated. Henry luckily filled the silence with updates on his meeting, prattling on about the book and the notes he was getting from his editor. 

The restaurant was a short walk away, and by the time they were seated, Henry had already recounted all the important bits of his meeting. They read through the menus, Henry glancing up to Alex every once in a while, and glancing back down with a blush when Alex caught his eye. Neither conversed with each other, even after the waiter took their orders and filled their water glasses. 

Alex could feel the tension between them. He was making it weird, but all he could see right now was Henry seated across from him, writhing in pleasure instead of the put together slightly stuffy persona he kept up during working hours. From spending the weekend fantasizing about him, to sitting across from him at lunch was a very strange dichotomy, and suddenly Alex was having a hard time separating the two Henry’s in his mind. Was it getting hot in here? 

“Alright, what’s bothering you? I’ve literally never seen you this quiet.”

Alex’s eyes went wide, his mouth gaped like a fish… he had absolutely no idea what to say. Does he just come clean? Tell Henry everything that had transpired over the weekend? Or does he lie and say he’s fine, just under the weather? Henry could usually read him like an open book, no matter what he says, he’d know Alex was lying. So all that he could come up with was, “I’m bisexual.”

Henry raised his eyebrows. He could tell that wasn’t what Alex had intended to say based on the slight wince that followed his short and succinct coming out. 

“Sorry… that—I-I didn’t—”

“Alex.” Henry reached across the table and laid his hand on top of Alex’s lightly. Alex’s brain promptly shuts down. “Thank you for telling me.”

He nods, eyes focused on their hands. “Yeah, ‘course, you’re my best friend, Hen.”

Henry smiled bashfully and pulled his hand away, taking a sip of water. “I’m not the first person you told, am I?”

Alex laughed, feeling a lot more himself now that Henry was guiding their conversation. “No, Nora and June kinda walked me through a sexuality crisis over the weekend.” Shit!

Intrigued, Henry raised his eyebrow. “Oh?”

Again, Alex started feeling hot under the collar, his smile dropped.

“Someone catch your interest?”

“Ah… um…” Alex winced. “Something like that.”

Henry nodded, his smile not quite reaching his eyes. “Do I know him?”

Alex froze. He felt himself coming to a crossroad; he could laugh off the whole thing and say it was some actor in some new movie, typical bullshit, or he could come clean. Coming clean would obviously be the harder road… but would it? It would mean he wouldn’t have to dance around Henry like he had all day, maybe he could stop picturing his face masked in pleasure whenever he threw his head back in a laugh, and maybe, just maybe, it could mean Henry felt that way about him too.

Decision made, Alex begun to nod. “Yeah, actually, you do.” He played with the beads of his bracelet, a nervous habit he’d picked up, and braced himself. “Henry, I-I saw your video.”

Video… my vid—oh dear lord. Henry felt a hundred different emotions wash through him, confusion, fear, and embarrassment being the main features. “Oh god.”

“I—I think it was—”

Henry put a hand up, effectively stopping Alex from saying anything further. “I’m sorry I just… I’d really like for you to not finish that sentence.” He remembered the end of that video A—Ale…. christ… and let out a deep sigh. “Oh god.”

“Hen—”

“I… sorry I’ve got a meeting to get to.”

---

“Fuck, Pez. Fuck.”

“Hazza, I’m failing to see how this is a bad thing.”

Henry let his head fall to his desk with a thunk. “I said his fucking name Percy.”

Pez laughed on the other end of the phone. “Oh I know darling, I was a little offended it wasn’t my name on your lips, but this was a long time coming to be honest.”

“Pez.” Henry pleaded. “Please.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll behave. But I stand by what I said, I’m failing to see how this is bad for you. The man basically said you were his bisexual awakening, why are you on the phone with me instead of getting railed by—”

“Because! I don’t think I’m strong enough to only be with him casually. With him, it has to be all or nothing.”

He can hear Pez snort on, the tinny effect of his phone speaker doing nothing to hide the snark. “Okay, so go all in then.”

“But what if—”

“Babes, all I’m hearing are excuses. Why don’t you just talk to him? He’s obviously into you in some way, or he wouldn’t have even said anything about the video.”

“But I don’t know if he even had positive thoughts about the video, I left before he could say anything about it. What if he’s totally disgusted?”

“You’re not considering the facts though love, he said someone caught his interest, and—shush! Let me finish! Someone caught his interest and then he mentioned seeing you in that video. Sorry Hen but it sounds like you’re incorrect here.”

Unfortunately it did sound like Pez had a point. There was nothing really left to say, Henry had to admit defeat.

“Hazza, just talk to him. Please. I can feel your gay panic all the way in bloody London. I think you’ll be surprised by what he has to say.” 

“Fine, fine. I’ll text him. To meet up and talk tonight. Or something.”

“Yes! That’s the spirit! Let me know how it goes mate.”

Henry watched the call disappear from his screen to find he’d already received a text from Alex. 

Alex

[2:15 p.m.] Hey man, I’m sorry I made you uncomfortable  earlier, it really wasn’t my intention, I hope you know that.

He worried the skin of his lip, crafting a response that would have him on edge all day.

TO: Alex

[3:05 p.m.] Hi Alex, I understand that wasn’t your intention,  you didn’t make me uncomfortable, I was just startled.

[3:06 p.m.] Can we talk later today? I’d like the opportunity  to maybe clear the air a little bit between us.

Alex

[3:07 p.m.] Oh thank god you’re alive

[3:07 p.m.] Yeah, wanna come to mine after work? 

TO: Alex

[3:08 p.m.] Yes I’ll swing by yours after I let David out for a walk.

---

He was stalling. Henry knew he was stalling, and he didn’t care, he did not want to face this head on, but he knew he had to.

After a moment outside, Henry knew he had to face Alex, and knocked on his door. As if he were standing right behind it, Alex appeared moments later.

“Alex.”

“Hi.”

They stood there looking at each other for a moment before Henry gestured at the door. “Do you mind if I—?”

Alex spurred to life. “Right, yeah, come in.” He stepped aside and let Henry in, leading him towards the living room. “Can I get you anything? A beer, glass of wine, hell I can whip up a margarita.”

Henry smiled. “I think perhaps we should have this conversation sober?”

“Yeah, good idea actually.” Alex moved to sit next to Henry on the couch, leaving more space between them than they usually kept. “If you don’t mind, can I start?” Henry motioned for Alex to go ahead. “I want to apologize. Before you shot the video it didn’t sound like you really wanted anyone to know what it was. I didn’t seek it out, I promise. Nora sent it to me, I think she knew I was bi before I did, but I really shouldn’t have opened it. I thought about ignoring it, but I didn’t, I violated your trust and your wishes, and I’m really, truly sorry for that.”

“Alex, it’s okay—” 

“But it’s not Hen. You told me not to watch it and I did anyway.”

Henry chuckled to himself. “I don’t recall telling you not to watch it, I think a part of me hoped you would before I… well we’ll get to that, but I didn’t explicitly say do not seek this out. People I know were bound to see it at some point or another, I’m not mad you saw it Alex.”

“You’re not?”

“Gods no. I’m more than a little embarrassed to tell you the truth. It was quite empowering, I don’t think I’ve ever felt that hot in my life, but…” Henry’s heart slammed in his chest, it was now or never. “Alex, I said, fuck I practically moaned your name.”

“A-are you embarrassed that you did it, or that it was—”

“Don’t even think about saying it, you know I’d never be embarrassed of how I feel about you.”

Alex’s breath hitched. “And how do you feel about me Henry?”

Henry’s fierce expression turned a little sad, and Alex braced himself for rejection. “You have to understand Alex, I don’t—I don’t do casual, and you just came out.”

Alex frowned. “Okay, when did I say I wanted casual?”

“Well I just thought—” 

“You thought wrong then. Yes, I’m attracted to you. Like mega, big time, holy shit attracted to you. But I also like you Henry. And yeah, I’m new to this whole bisexuality thing, your fucking performance sent me down a rabbit hole I’m honestly surprised I’d never been down before, but I’d also like to take you on dates, and hold your hand, and kiss you just because I want to.”

“You’re attracted to me?” A rosy blush graced his high cheekbones.

“Obviously. Have you not seen yourself? And in that video? Jesus Christ I thought I was going to combust.”

Henry shrugged. “I honestly haven’t watched the video. I’ve never felt so… free, or sexy, like I felt so good after filming that, but I’m worried I just look silly.”

Alex scooted closer on the couch, letting his fingers rest lightly on Henry’s to test the water. When Henry didn’t pull away, Alex moved to cover his whole hand, lacing their fingers together. 

“Trust me, there’s no way you could look silly doing what you did. You looked so hot baby.”

A pleasant shiver rolls down Henry’s spine at the pet name, and a smile settles deeper into his features.

“For the record, I have feelings for you too, I have for a while, but you’ve just always been… straight.”

Alex looked down at their joined hands, a chuckle rumbling through his chest. “Well lucky for you I’m not straight then, right?”

“Hm, yeah.” Henry moved even closer to Alex, pressing their legs up against each other. “I have to ask, have you ever been with a man, in any way?”

Alex winced. “No… but also yes.”

“Oh?”

“A friend of mine, Liam, from high school. We used to, I dunno, get off together. We never actually like… touched each other, or kissed or anything, but there was nothing straight about it. And like… he came out to me as gay after college.”

Henry nods, a smile on his face. “Ah, I understand. And… you’d want to do things like kiss me, and touch me?”

With raised eyebrows, Alex gives Henry a once-over. “I said I wanted to, didn’t I baby? Maybe not… all at once, but I’d really like to kiss you if that’s okay.”

With a bashful smile, Henry nodded. “More than okay, love.” He leaned in, bumping his nose against Alex’s gently, before connecting their lips in a chaste kiss. “How’s that?” He whispered, lips brushing against Alex’s with every syllable.

“Fucking come here.”

Henry let out a squeak as Alex hoisted him into his lap, legs falling on either side of his hips, and hands going to his shoulders. They stared intently into each other’s eyes, reading their expressions for any signs it was going too far, before meeting in the middle in a heated kiss. Alex’s hands went immediately to Henry’s waist, running his fingers across the small of his back. Henry felt more confident to let his own hands wander into the hair he so desperately wanted to feel. It was soft and thick, and everything he’d dreamed of, and with a light tug, he was able to extract a deep groan from Alex’s throat.

Henry pulled away, gazing once again into Alex’s eyes with the silent question of everything okay? His question was answered moments later when Alex hooked his hands under Henry’s ass and dragged him closer. He was breathless; they were chest to chest, and he could feel the effects of their actions from the man beneath him as their dicks slotted together along with the rest of themselves. They rushed forward again, practically drunk on each other with this newfound friction between them, lips meeting in the middle in a frantic kiss. Alex’s tongue met Henry’s and suddenly a new layer of arousal joined the party. 

Alex pulled his lips away from Henry’s, peppering pecks across his cheek and down the column of his neck. He nipped a patch of skin at the juncture of Henry’s neck and shoulder, causing a yelp from the man above him, before soothing it with the heat of his tongue. As he worshiped the soft skin of Henry’s neck with his lips, teeth, tongue, Alex’s clever hands held a commanding grip on Henry’s ass, guiding him in a rough grind. 

A whimper from Henry made Alex perk up, and he met Henry’s eyes once again.

“Oh my god, is this okay?”

“Christ, is this okay, please don’t fucking stop.”

So much for taking it slow.

With a chuckle, Alex dutifully went back to work sucking love bites on Henry’s neck. Henry’s hips moved on their own, a string of soft groans and whimpers falling from his lips as he ground down on Alex’s erection. The friction between them was heavenly, and Alex was questioning why he hadn’t tried this sooner. 

“Fuck sweetheart, that’s good.” Henry’s following groan was stifled by his teeth worrying his bottom lip, and suddenly, it was too much, and not enough for Alex. 

His grip on Henry’s ass tightened, and he used all his strength to stand up from their spot on the couch, Henry in his arms. His legs wound around Alex’s torso to keep himself from falling; he instantly felt lightheaded from the force of his blood rushing from his head to his dick. He knew Alex was strong, and worked out to keep his body in immaculate shape, but nothing could have prepared him for what it would be like to be manhandled by him. 

“Sorry, just… too much, I was like seconds away from cumming. Is this still okay?” 

Henry looked down pointedly at his own hard-on standing proudly between them before bashfully looking up at Alex.

“I guess it is, huh.”

Giggles left their throats, the two men finally having a moment to breathe after being so caught up in the moment. They giggled at the absurdity of it all, the fact that they’d danced around each other for so long, the fact that all of this came about because of some dumb (hot) video that Pez just needed him to be in. 

“Where do we go from here?”

Henry looked around Alex’s apartment. “Well where would you like to go from here? I mean we could continue on the couch, or maybe the countertop, or if you’re feeling naughty you could take me to bed.” 

Alex chuckled again, resting his head on Henry’s shoulder. “I mean us, where do we go from here?”

A smile graced his lips as Henry responded. “We’ll continue on, our standing Monday lunch dates, occasional Friday movie nights, and everything else in between, but we add the kissing, and the affection, and we just… don’t hold back what we’re feeling from each other. And we go from there. Let you get accustomed to being with a man, let our feelings develop. I’d like for you to be my boyfriend someday when you’re ready, I’d like to share my feelings with you, and ask that you communicate yours back. Sorry, that was terribly unsexy.”

“On the contrary sweetheart, open and honest communication with a side of promise for the future? Almost as sexy as contract law, talk dirty to me.” 

“Oh you cretin.” Henry swatted Alex’s chest, then leaned in for a chaste kiss. “We don’t have to go any further than you’re comfortable with tonight, but I really would like to continue what we were doing, love. Take me to bed?”

Alex’s smile was nowhere near shy. “Yeah baby, let’s go to bed.” 

[scenetocause]

🧡 for norrussell please?

omg i was really hoping someone would ask for some genders georg. set in the every colour illuminates cinematic universe. this goes a bit beyond kissing so like, m or whatever.

"Hi."

George feels the bed shift, as much as Lando moving. It's light, behind his eyelids, which means he's slept in as long as the jetlag or apparently Lando will allow.

"Hello, you." Cracking his eyes open enough to see his husband looming over him jumbles his brain for a second, wondering when Lando got so big.

He seems much more normal-sized when he snuggles down onto George's chest, under the duvet, wriggling until he can lie between George's thighs. "Missed you."

It's hard, Lando not coming to every race, now. It's better for Lella, it's insane to drag a three-year-old across the world with them and she deserves better than being stuck on 14-hour flights every other week but George got so used to them always being there it's really hurting, to be apart.

"Missed you too."

Lando wriggles down on him again, like he's pleased, was worried George might not care. Even though they've been calling each other every possible opportunity, suddenly realising how much they had to say as soon as they couldn't do it casually.

Like Alex is such a fucking headache in qualifying, George never knows how he's going to beat him, until he does. Lella's getting really good at Mario Kart (and the things they don't say, that maybe it's starting to be time for her to try it for real) and Lando's got some new designs. The pygmy goats are definitely gonna have whatever goat babies are called again. Did you know Natalie Pinkham's leaving Sky?

Turns out you can get very used to having each other on tap. To picking up the conversational threads they've been weaving for years, that other people would only get tangled in.

"You can sleep in," Lando's sort of mouthing at his chest, just above his right nipple, in a kind of lazy way that feels like he's just checking George is real. "I've checked on Lella, she's watching cartoons."

"Oh really?" He can't help the slightly smug tone. Normally Lando would be bringing their daughter straight in to see George, so this means he's got other plans.

"Yeah." Lando props himself up, still strong even if he's a little bit softer around his hips, now. "Gonna fuck you back to sleep."

George knows he's a bit of a stereotype, all that British uptightness but him and Lando have always been filthy. Still, it's a shock to have Lando on top, Lando actually topping not just writhing around on a strapon or begging George to let him rub off on his abs or something.

It's getting George interestingly wet. Maybe they should try it again, when he's less tired. Just for the data.

"Ok, sounds good."

"It does, yeah?" Lando's got a bit of a cocky air to him, pleased like he knows he's turning George on. "Let me-"

George does, spreading his legs easily. It's still, sometimes, weird when Lando touches him like his but it feels safe, in their bed, in their house. Lando's big fingers gentle, where he's working them over and into George, rubbing inside him.

"Are you-" George tries to get his own hands on Lando, find his dick but he gets them batted away.

"Of course I fucking am. Do you know how hot you are?" Lando dips his head down, hiding it against George's chest. "Watched the podium like fifteen times, thought I was gonna have a wet dream before you even got back."

He can't help giggling, even when Lando's hitting the good spots and there's definitely a sense of urgency starting to overtake them. "Fuck - well, I'll try and win again, for you."

"For me." Lando sounds happy about it, mumbling into George's skin. "Fuck, c'mon."

Lando's tongue presses into George's mouth at the same time his cock goes inside him and it's easier to enjoy it, with the distraction of less complicated penetration. It's always been easy, with Lando.

They don't need to say they love each other, mouths too busy with every familiar curl of tongue, Lando's tooth gap sharp against George's lower lip. It's enough to make a man ludicrously wet, that they know each other so well. That Lando's panting, frantic after less than two minutes and has to break the kiss because he's that fucking turned on, whimpering into George's shoulder while he reaches a hand down to actually get him off.

It's over quickly, for them both, everything sharpened by having been apart from each other for what feels like the first time in forever. George forgot how much they need each other, how they'd almost started taking time together for granted.

It pulls an embarrassing sobbing noise out of him, when he comes and Lando's just as bad, sighing and whining against George's neck when his hips rabbit a few, last, jerky times. Ludicrous, is what they are. Always have been.

Lando kisses him again and George doesn't call out the fact his face is wet, clearly feeling the same emotions.

"Go back to sleep, I'm gonna take Lella to buy bagels." It looks like it takes a monumental effort for Lando to roll off him. Even though it's George who's still an athlete, he's definitely not capable of that right now, melting back into the sheets as Lando tucks him in.

"Y'should shower first," he suggests and Lando flicks his shoulder, through the duvet, for it.

"Thought I'd just wander to the bakery stinking of sex, actually." He probably won't but there's something still-cocky about the way he says it.

George smiles inton the pillow, eyes already closed, when he hears Lando add. "Bet none of them have ever fucked an F1 driver."

[uncanny-tranny]

If I'm honest, the whole "love in every stitch" saying for fiber artists does not apply to me, like. I'm trying to get this fucking hook into stubborn yarn and I'll be stabbing it like it owed me money. Is that love because I hope not 😭💀

[doverstar]

actually I love Tentoo and he is the Doctor and it was the only ending for Rose that worked and it is a huge gift to be able to have the man she loves grow old with her, they were always heading for that, y'all be quiet. I 100% understand the angst but it's okay, they're okay, good ending-

[dilfpassing]

I feel like every time I talk about liking bojack horseman a lot I have to preface myself with like 20 disclaimers which is very annoying because the show itself is much more intelligent and thought provoking than the fans that give it an obnoxiously bad and shallow name

[derpinette]

SPERG YOUR HEART OUT