#but he's still a literal infant so the episode just had me holding him and sobbing

[stonersolana]

i will never psychologically recover from yellowjackets s2ep6

[snugglebugs]

KAI SMITH flip (caregiver-leaning!)

Kai Ninjago Smith is ABSOLUTELY an age regressor are you KIDDING me are you JOKING me. He is BASICALLY CANONICALLY an age regressor!!!!

> "I bet he loves being treated like a baby..." (Nya, Season 14, Episode 6, Call From The Abyss)... Yeah he does because he IS a baby. He is THE baby. He is BABY.

His entire traumatic backstory is that, after his parents were taken from him from an early age, he had to step into a parental role for his little sister and become the adult of the family while still being a child himself. He had to grow up before he even really had a chance to grow at all. On-screen, we see that once his parents return and he's no longer forced into that role of responsibility, he canonically regresses into childish habits and language we have never before seen him use or display beforehand.

"Ham and cheese sandwiches with crispy bacon? Oh thanks, Mommy! You're the best! Mm... bacon is the best, too!" (Kai, Season 14, Episode 6, Call From The Abyss).

Conclusion? Kai Smith is the most age-regressor to ever age regress ever I will not take criticism because I am OBJECTIVELY CORRECT.

Anyway!! I think Kai is regresses from 5-9~ years old. We can tell from his diction that he doesn't seem to be a baby regressor (at least in this scene), as he's capable of fully-formed sentences and has the cognitive skills required to play video games, so that leads me to believe he might be a little-middlespace regressor! Kai's parents left when he was around 5, so it makes sense he wouldn't be an infant regressor, but around the little-middle spectrum, regressing into the same range of years in which he didn't have a chance to be a child before.

I don't just think he's an age regressor, though, I also think he's a flip, too! He definitely has some care-giving tendencies built-in to him from having to be a caretaker for his little sister for so many years, and so he pretty naturally slips into the role of a big brother caregiver! I imagine he leans more towards the caregiving side then the regressing side, just because being a caregiver is what he's used to being - what he's always had to be - but that may be prone to change as he becomes more comfortable with his regression! He hates regressing around the other age regressors, especially when they're regressed, because he feels like when they're small he has to be big and adult to take care of them regardless of his own headspace. We can see his caregiver tendencies displayed in... countless interactions with Lloyd. Speaking of...

LLOYD MONTGOMERY GARMADON age regressor!

I am, once again, OBJECTIVELY correct. Lloyd is basically canonically an age regressor. He IS canonically an age regressor. He is, quite literally, a child stuck in a teenager's body -- as in he was a child and then magic age-up tea turned his body into a teenager's but still left him with the mental capacity of a child. Which is the DEFINITION of what an age regressor is!! Bodily an adult but mentally a child!! He IS an age regressor!!!!

And even if that WASN'T the case, he'd probably be an age regressor anyway, because, like. Look at him. He had the weight of the world on his shoulders since he was, like, eight, was unable to be a child because he had to endure constant rigorous training and when he WASN'T training he was undergoing countless traumatic experiences while he was still a child.

> Lloyd: "Well...The latest issue of Starfarer just came in at Doomsday Comix and it's a limited run, so if I don't go out and get it, it's going to sell out. Last they left off, intergalactic rogue Fritz Donnegan was surrounded by the Imperial Sludge, and if I don't find out if he gets out alright, I think I might have my own doomsday!" Kai: "The fate of Ninjago rests on your shoulders. As the Green Ninja, you have a giant responsibility to hold. I'm sorry, but you don't have time for such childish things." Lloyd: "Other kids get to play and have fun. All I ever do is train..." (Season 2, Episode 18, Child's Play)

I don't even think I need to argue my case that hard for why Lloyd is an age regressor. I think it'd be harder to argue why he ISN'T an age regressor, actually. TRY to argue that he's not an age regressor. TRY. I BET you CAN'T.

I don't have much evidence for this one, but I imagine he may be a pet regressor, too! He's an oni-dragon-hybrid, after all, and his heritage have proven to come with strong instincts regarding this animalistic half of his genes, as seen throughout the Oni Trilogy.

COLE BROOKSTONE caregiver!

Look at him. JUST LOOK AT HIM. The most caregiver to ever caregive ever forever. He has chronic can't-stop-adopting-children syndrome. He's adopted, like, three separate children at this point. It is becoming a problem.

"Huh? Oh, no. Don't make that face. Don't cry. Oh, I can't take it any more. Hey, look at me. Hehe. Yeah. I'm not sad. Ha-ha, I'm not crying. Oh, fine. But this is between you and me. Shine, little glow worm, glimmer glimmer. Hey there, don't get dimmer, dimmer. You like that, huh? Well, there's more where that came from. Glow, little glow worm. Glow and Glimmer—" (Cole, Season 8, Episode 5, Dead Man's Squall)

When his mentor canonically (mentally & physically) regressed into an infant his first and immediate instinct was to adopt and care for them. If that isn't agere caregiver behaviour I don't know WHAT is. HE BECAME THE FATHER TO AN INDIVIDUAL REGRESSED FROM THEIR NORMAL HEADSPACE INTO A CHILD.... HE'S LITERALLY A CAREGIVER GUYS!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE YOU WANT ME TO SAY!!!!!!! I AM JUST STRAIGHT-UP CORRECT!!!!!!!!!!!

JAY WALKER padded regressor!

"Jay: Aah! [He picks up a ruined stuffed toy.] Mister Cuddlywomp… [sobs] is a teddy bear I used to love when I was five, but now he's totally lame and—

Cole: We know you still sleep with him.

Jay: And I don't care who knows it! Mister Cuddlywomp..." (Season 7, Episode 6, The Attack)

Jay Walker is DEFINTELY a regressor. His personality has been noted to be very child-like and babyish at times, to the point where the fandom (and showwriters) tend to infantilize him, despite the fact that in his own right he can be a very serious character when he need be. As much as I do believe he's an age regressor, it's important to remember he can be very capable and competent character when he's big, too, and not to define him by his regression!

If he's any regressor, it's definitely a padded regressor. Throughout the show, it's become a running bit that he's a bedwetter and has a weak bladder:

"Jay: But I don't wanna get wet. I...I only have one pair of underwear.

Kai: Jay, this is no time to be making jokes. The Bounty can only take so much.

"Jay: You think I'm trying to be funny?" (Season 2, Episode 9, The Last Voyage)

"Harumi: Uh, forgive me, but is that...underwear?

Jay: We're usually more organized. Ahem. But our leader got lost in a time-stream. Uh, they're Cole's.

Cole: They're blue!

Kai: You're lucky they're not yellow." (Season 8, Episode 3, The Oni & The Dragon)

"Oh, that reminds me, Jay, honey, I need to teach you how to bleach your boxer shorts." (Maya, Season 14, Episode 7, Unsinkable)

"Jet Jack: Then tell us, who do these diapers belong to?

Kai: Oh, those are Jay's. Tell 'em, Jay.

Jay: Oh. I have a weak bladder." (Season 9, Episode 2, Iron & Stone)

These are only a few of many, many examples (You can find others throughout the show, such as in Only One Can Remain, The Darkness Remains, Darkness Within, etc), and though it's usually spun as a joke, there's no harm and shame in it! In conclusion

ZANE JULIEN caregiver!

"I was built to protect those who can't protect themselves!" (Zane, Season 3, Episode 8, The Titanium Ninja)

I don't know what else you want me to say guys... he said so himself.,,,,,,. was built to protect those who can't protect themselves...,.....

Zane's entire identity is hinged around adaptability. Though I could go on a WHOLE 'NOTHER ESSAY about Zane's relationship with identity, the point here is that he often adapts to what people need him to be! I mean, he downloaded thousands pieces of detective media onto his hardware in order to try to track down the other ninja after they went missing, if called for I imagine he could very easily slip into the role of caretaker (he WOULD download hundreds of resources on age regression to help the other ninja)!

I don't have a lot of evidence for this one beside source: bro trust me but bro. trust me. The Vibes,,,, theyre there

These are just my personal headcanons based on evidence I've gathered from the show - I am in NO WAY saying these are the only headcanons or that they are the "correct" ones!! In fact, if you have DIFFERENT headcanons for the ninja (esp. ones I didn't provide a lot of detail for), I encourage you to share them in the tags, I'd love to hear other's opinions!!!! ^^

If this gets enough interested, I might make a pt. 2, so stay tuned!!

[instaquarius]

For Full Res

((Thanks to my boyfriend btw TheOnePhun211 for helping with the lineart for the stupid tubes lol))

Copy-Pasted from my discord server cuz it's late and I don't feel like retyping everything again:

smoltina's incubator tank (which ima just headcanon now was kept seperate from the other clones during the movie and chara somehow found it)

like- this one was built stronger and stuff, since even if it was a clone of giratina he's still a God so- like- :'D

They're kept in stasis inside the incubator i'm kinda thinking they were just in stasis inside the incubator since mewtwo probably needed something to hold them in.

that and because of how slowly the creation trio "grows" up thats how he stayed as basically a baby by the time chara finds him possibly years later after mewtwo had already made the clone of giratina if that makes sense-

he was still getting nutrients and whatever to grow the clone incubator

but either way like he was sorta kept in stasis at the same time, since he was also a clone of a literal God. I guesss mewtwo wanted to make sure like it wouldnt fail or anything goes wrong

thats also why he put smoltina's tank away from the other clone tanks so even if the other clones got let out or something went wrong with that (like ash fucking breaking shit to save his pokemon/pikachu) it wouldnt affect smoltina's tank and- ye. smoltinas also wouldnt affect the other clones either if THAT went wrong either- if that makes sense

also lowkey thinking of changing exactly WHEN chara starts hanging out with Ash and them and in fact, its after the 1st movie is when she really starts to travel with them tbh maybe she saw ash sacrifice himself between mew and mewtwos attacks and- dialga or something pulled some strings so chara would keep those memories anyways even when mewtwo erases the memories cuz he saw Ash's future and how he's KINDA needed to be kept alive for literally every single movie/major event cuz he has this uncanny ability to calm legendaries and ya know- keep the world from getting destroyed when the other Gods decide to be dumb or whatever lol plus he didnt want like, chara to keep travelling alone and since Ash is a bew then- ye.

plus maybe too when chara saves smoltina from the tank/finds him, because of the stasis as well smoltina was actually pulled out of the incubator too soon, and like ash and co help chara bring the tiny bew to professor Oak to look at him, and make sure he's doing fine and that also sorta helps chara to trust ash and the other bews and wanna travel with them, cuz she sees how worried they also were of smoltina when he wasnt waking up- due to being pulled from incubation too soon on accident

originally it was gonna be during some random episode in the indigo league anime but i feel like the 1st movie could work better cuz thats when Ash's bewiness REALLy shines?? with the fact he was willing to die to save the clones/real ones from killing each other and to stop the mews from fighting and stuff-

*if that makes sense

((And before anyone asks, yes after the events of the first movie Chara teeeeeechnically gets 7 pokemon on her team. Since the Creation Trio is too busy maintaining the universe and Time/Space and all that they cannot take care of and Arceus is still asleep/healing from his injuries caused by Marcues hynotising Damos to betray Arceus in the Arceus movie and stuff to raise Smoltina, so Chara ends up doing that since he's a preemie/infant. Plus too anyways, there's times the anime seems not not give a shit?? like how some episodes have pokemon use more than 4 moves and stuff sooo thats why.  Also Smoltina is shiny, just to make it easier to tell which is the clone, and which is the real one. and- ye.))

---------------------------------

For PokeTale: Ascendance

An AU based off of an RP between me and a friend of mine from my discord server discord.gg/pQf9ZsdF6E where the Creation Trio as babies (a time they all cant really fully control their powers and junk) accidentally create a portal into the Undertale Universe and meet Chara and basically Arceus finds Chara and adopts her after finding out about her shitty human parents and Chara ends up helping Arceus raise the babies and basically lives in the Pokemon Universe now

[egcdeath]

strangers again

summary: “hiiii sweetie!! can i request a steve x reader where he left yn for peggy. but he always felt guilty and missed yn. he would always stare at her pic. when he came back he bumped into yn while she was dropping a kid to daycare. and steve realized it was his son. kinda sad but fluff at the end pls!!!! and oh i super love your works!!! tysm 🌼🥺💕”

pairing: steve rogers x reader

warnings: decent angst, brief mention of a depressive episode, abandonment, somewhat unrealistic behavior

word count: 3.8k

author’s note:  i really hope that this lives up to your expectations but it is a little cheesy. i’d also like to warn that i have not interacted with a child in several years, so.. sorry. (there’s also a lot of exposition so double sorry if that’s not your thing!)

You’d never forget the moment Steve left to return the stones, with the promise to be back in only a matter of moments.

Maybe your definition of a matter of moments was different from his.

You seemed to be the only one without a clue of what Steve truly planned to do, with Bucky only telling you after the matter that Steve was leaving for the past and for Peggy, and probably not coming back.

After finding out, something deep within you broke. You could barely leave your bed for days, you struggled to eat, sleep, even drink water. Every task that used to seem like muscle memory, began to feel like it carried the weight of the world behind it. Every hobby that you once enjoyed becoming empty and bleak.

You constantly felt inadequate. How could you love someone so much, and be told you were loved so much while always being second to someone else?

The simple sentiment of it had left you feeling miserable, and sick to your stomach. Literally. Nearly every morning, and occasionally if you smelled something too strong, you found the contents of your stomach emptied.

You attempted to ignore it at first. Meshed with every other unpleasant symptom you were going through, you’d figured that it was just one more bullet point on the list of things that had been plaguing you. But when your friends insisted that you go check up with your doctor, you had a hard time saying no.

Once you received the results from your blood test, you were completely taken aback by the fact that you were pregnant. You couldn't believe that you hadn’t considered the possibility of pregnancy earlier.

Yet,  after a long and hard period of pondering, you managed to surprise yourself once again after you realized you wanted to keep it.

After all, that could be the only piece of Steve you had left.

----

You began to tell yourself that Steve was dead. That was somehow less painful than the idea that he left you for someone that he barely knew, yet had fallen so hard for nearly 70 years ago. You refused to let yourself fall for anyone else romantically, now that you were aware that anyone had the capacity to leave you at any time, no matter how deep you perceived your relationship to be.

You guarded your heart, and made sure to only let in those that you knew you could trust for a fact. For the remainder of your pregnancy, only your closest family members and friends stood by your side.

About 8 months later, you brought a small, but healthy infant into the world. From that moment on, you promised yourself to become the best version of yourself that you could be. No dwelling on the past, and no yearning for what could’ve been. Your only duty now was to provide the best life possible for your offspring.

So you did.

----

You stood in the kitchen, peeling an orange for your son before he bounded into the room. You turned and gave him a big grin, and he grinned back to you.

“Did you get dressed all by yourself?” You asked him excitedly, receiving a nod in return before he ran up to your leg, and hugged it.

“I did, Mommy!” He looked up at you with his soulful eyes, and you couldn’t help but to feel bombarded with emotion.

Even at the tender age of five, Grant seemed to become a bit more like his father every day. The shape of his eyes, the slope of his nose, the sound of his giggle. To the average onlooker, he came across as the same as any other child, but to you, your son was the splitting image of Steve.

“Good work, little man. Now go sit at the table so mommy can finish breakfast, okay?” He didn’t even bother confirming with you before more or less sprinting to the table. You couldn’t help but to ask yourself if your son had obtained all of that energy and speed from his father as well.

Breakfast was over almost as soon as it started, and before you knew it, you were warming up your car after you’d assisted Grant with brushing his teeth.

You were in an oddly nostalgic mood that day, playing music from a time period before you’d even imagined bringing another life into the world. You glanced up at the rearview mirror and watched your son happily bop his head to the beat. You thought in passing about how much of a gift he truly was.

After arriving at his school, you hopped out of the car and over to the furthest seat in the back, where he’d insisted on sitting that day.

“You ready, big guy?” You questioned while reaching out to grab him from the car seat.

“Born ready,” he agreed. You chuckled and shook your head fondly at that while getting him out of the car.

“Who taught you that?”

Grant shrugged, “I came up with it myself.”

“I’m sure. Can you hold my hand while we’re out please?” You reached out for him, and he gladly obliged.

You soon became distracted by a large man across the street, his built figure and light blonde hair making you recall the father of your child. You gave Grant’s hand a light squeeze and continued to approach the door, not being able to help yourself, and glancing over at the man one last time.

Except this time was different. Your eyes locked with the blonde man outside of the coffee shop across the street unexpectedly. Where you once thought casually to yourself that it looked like Steve, you now had confirmation that it was in fact the man who you’d fallen in love with, and found yourself pregnant by.

You audibly gasped, receiving a bit of a questioning look from your child. Your heart dropped as a metric ton of emotions hit you all at once, anger, sadness, confusion. Everything you told yourself you needed to repress, had suddenly come back to you all at once.

Even from a distance, you swore you could see his eyes flit from you to Grant, and the next thing you knew, he was approaching your direction. Looking for an easy out, and a distraction from your rather observant child, you quickly caused a misdirection.

“Grant, is that Stacey over on the playground? You should totally go show her that new version of tag that you were telling me about!”

Your son, ever the speedster, booked it towards the playground, and you let out a sigh of relief. Although, the relief didn’t last long, as just moments later, Steve was almost all the way up to you. As you turned to try to escape, you felt a hand on your arm.

“Y/N?” He asked, almost timidly.

You weren’t even sure what to say. In fact, you didn’t feel like you had control of your own body at this point. “Steve? I-“ You ran a hand through your hair and bit the inside of your lip. “You need to go.” The pain that was rushing through you was too much for you to bare, especially considering the man who caused the hurt had suddenly decided to reappear in your life after giving you a world of self doubt and abandonment issues.

Steve seemed hurt by your statement, but you weren’t sure how much longer you could stand to even look at his face. “Please, Y/N, let me explain,” he begged.

“No, Steve. You don’t get that luxury. You left me for someone else, and I guess you got to live a nice, long life with her. You don’t get to just show back up in my life when you get bored, okay? I can’t afford to play those types of games anymore. Now if you’d let me go-“ You attempted to get to your car, but Steve side stepped you.

“It wasn’t like that. You know it isn’t like that.”

“Just fucking leave! You have no idea what this has all been like for me. You had your opportunity to leave, and you gladly took it. Stay the fuck out of my life, and the hell away from my son.” You grabbed the handle of your car door and got in, reeling as you watched a dejected Steve walk away.

Your heart pounded in your chest as you rested your head against the steering wheel. You were feeling way too many emotions to pinpoint exactly how you felt, but you knew that this couldn’t be good.

——

You put a brave face on for your son that day, picking him up from school in a daze, and only half listening to whatever it was that he was telling you.

You felt bad for only being able to nod along to whatever he was saying, and did he just ask you if he could get a dog? Did you just say yes?

You felt like a stranger watching yourself from the outside in. The ghost of the person you’d developed into over the years watching the past version of yourself slip right back into your body, and take over your daily routine through the next few days of your life.

You had an obscene amount of anger that soon dissolved into a deep sadness, and that sadness shorty developed into a morbid curiosity.

You spent an unreasonable, and certainly unhealthy amount of time searching your old lover’s name on tabloid websites and social media, just to see if he’d given a statement on his whereabouts, or a statement about anything at all.

After about day three of your minor internet stalking, you’d had an epiphany while sitting in your office.

You still have Steve’s number saved on your phone.

That was, of course, if it hadn’t changed between now and the years that he’d been off living in the past.

Something about knowing that you were just one text away from him made your heart race with a mixture of nerves and interest. Just one impulsive decision, and you could change the whole trajectory of the rest of your life.

If you got back in contact with Steve, you might not ever be willing to leave him. You refused to make that mistake again.

Until you did.

After reading Grant his nightly bedtime story, then wrapping him tightly in his little bed, you’d decided to treat yourself to a glass of Chardonnay.

It’d been a weird past couple of days. Your time traveling ex had randomly appeared back into your life, your coworkers seemed to get on your nerves a little more every moment you were around them, and Grant had a temper tantrum in the grocery store that afternoon over a chocolate bar, which gained judging stares from customers, and may have made you feel the slightest bit inadequate.

At least that’s what you told yourself as you filled your glass again, because two glasses can’t hurt, and again, since I kinda deserve this extra one, don’t I? The next thing you knew, the bottle was empty, and you were texting Steve for the first time in years.

Y: Is this Steve?

You watched as three white dots hovered on your screen for a moment, disappeared, then came back once again.

S: Is this Y/N?

Y: Yes.

Y: We should tlak

Y: *talk

S: I agree.

Y: So lets

Y: talk

S: I don’t think this is a conversation for texts.

Y: Then call me???????????????????

S: We should talk in person.

Y: Im not gonna do that sober

S: You’re not sober?

Y: do you think id text u sober u big fuckni asshole

S: I guess you’re right

S: So are we gonna talk?

Y: no ur gonna meet me at b cup cafe tomorrow at 10

S: AM or PM?

Y: AM I’m off

S: Are you sure you want to do this?

Y: Say yes before i change my mind

S: I’ll see you there

Y: Bye babydaddy

S: ????

You promptly deleted the messages, tossed your phone somewhere on the sofa, and sunk into the seat. Even in your not-completely-sober state, you already felt the all too familiar sense regret. You dragged the blanket that hung over the top of the sofa over your exhausted body, and closed your eyes, wishing that this was somehow all a dream.

----

It was not all just a dream.

You woke up with dried drool on your chin, and a deep pit of bad feelings and regret in your chest. Of course, you ignored the bad feelings and got ready, business as usual. You successfully dropped Grant off at school with little complications, and found yourself perking up a bit more.

Yet, something still felt slightly off. You reached into the passenger seat for your phone, and as you looked down on it, saw the familiar notification of a calendar event.  

10:00 AM b cup coff w Steeb

You groaned out loud at this. There was no obligation for you to go meet with him, but perhaps going and talking to Steve would bring you some sort of closure. Maybe then you could move on with your life, get with a nice guy who would mean it when he tells you he won't leave you, who loves Grant like he’s his own biological offspring, and to take care of the both of you through thick and thin.

You gladly daydreamed of this fantasy man while driving to the shop, but you couldn’t help but to see Steve’s face doing all of the aforementioned things. Before you even fell pregnant, that’s what you’d truly wanted with Steve. To be a family. To have your definition of home be with your people, rather than a place.

Entering the coffee shop, you briefly ordered your drink before looking around and find Steve sitting alone in a booth, mindlessly stirring around the liquid in his cup.

Timidly, you approached the booth, before setting your purse down and sitting across from him.

“You... you came?” He looked up to you with almost watery eyes.

“Of course I did,” you tried to hold yourself back from mentioning something about following through on your word. You wanted this to be as civil as possible. To build bridges rather than burn them.

“I just didn’t expect to see you in person again. And, you know, you were running a little late,” he added.

“Well, you try waking a five year old up and getting him ready for school every day,” you expelled a humorless chuckle to deflect from the slight agitation you were feeling.

“While you’re hungover?” Steve asked with a bit of a smirk, trying to lighten up the mood.

“While you’re hungover,” You confirmed, genuinely laughing now. It felt good, natural even. You’d kind of forgotten just how pleasant things used to be with Steve.

“Did you mean it last night?” he interrupted the laughter with a serious look.

“I honestly cannot remember anything I said last night. Elaborate, please?”

“That he’s mine. Your son.” He watched you silently nod, then began to speak again, “Wow, I just didn’t realize… How did that happen?” He looked down into his drink nervously.

“Well, it’s kind of hard to recall the exact details, but when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much...” You trailed off, and looked up as a barista called a butchered version of your name.

You were glad to have an excuse to get up and leave for a moment. Adrenaline was racing through your body, and you weren’t sure how much longer you could keep your composure before you erupted into tears, or had some sort of angry outburst.

Bringing your cup back to the booth, you sat down and took a sip of the scalding drink, “Where did we leave off?”

“I believe you were giving me the birds and the bees?”

“Right! Well, I think you know the rest. I’ll tell you more about Grant later. Right now, I want to know why you left and suddenly decided to come back.” You genuinely felt proud of your delivery. This was the moment you’d practiced in front of the mirror for years, and you didn’t even butcher it.

Steve shook his head and looked into his drink once again. It was so hard to look at you, let alone make eye contact with you, when he knew that he’d been the one to give you an ocean of grief. Yet, he was somewhat intrigued by hearing that his son’s name was his middle name.  

“It’s kind of a long story,” Steve began.

“Good thing we have time,” you crossed your arms as you spoke.

“Well, waking up in a whole new time period isn’t exactly the easiest thing ever. You and me both know I missed it there, and it’s always been more than just nostalgia for me. I truly believed that I belonged back there.”

Of course, you had an idea of this, but hearing Steve confirm what you’d already thought made your insides twist.

“But I was so wrong. More than anything, I guess I was in love with a romanticized version of the past. Of Peggy.”

Hearing her name, especially from Steve, made you bristle. You wanted to interrupt him at this point, but it wouldn’t do you or him any good to become hostile while he explained himself.

“By the time I realized, it was too late. I figured you’d already moved on and found someone else to take care of you, and the world, this world, didn’t really need me anymore. But something possessed me to come back.”

“So you’re telling me that if you stopped being an idiot that just assumes things, we could’ve worked this out before? That you could’ve been an active participant in your son’s life?”

“I guess that’s a good way to interpret that story. I know I haven’t been in his life, but is there any way that I can still meet him?” Steve asked hopefully.

“Yeah, of course. He’s just like,” you sighed a bit to yourself. “He’s like a carbon copy of you. Especially his personality, but like, down to his mannerisms. I always struggled to understand how he could be so much like his dad, and never even had met him. You’ll love him.”

“Even if I didn't like him, I’d still love him.”

“How do you still manage to be such a cheeseball all the damn time? You think you’d be able to make it to dinner tonight?”

----

At exactly 6:30 on the dot, your doorbell rang, and before you even had the chance to think about opening it, Grant already was at the door, and opening it. You cringed on the inside, and made a mental note to have another conversation about stranger danger with him.

“Do I know you? Who are you?” you heard your child question from the other room as you set down the last of the plates in your dining room.  

“I’m Steve, your mom’s friend... and…” Steve nearly spilled the beans to his son, but didn’t want to cause any more damage than he’d already done. “Her friend.”

“That’s so cool! I have friends too, like Nick, and Stacey, and,” you’d rushed up to the door and wiped your brow, internally hoping that you hadn’t just smudged the makeup you’d put on for the occasion.

“Hi, Steve, come on in,” You beckoned him in, and pulled Grant to the side, quietly scolding him before leading Steve into the dining room. “Grant! This is the last time I’m telling you about opening doors, okay?” He nodded obediently, then followed you and Steve.

“Can I sit next to your friend, Mommy?”

“Is that alright with you, Steve?”

“More than fine.”

Grant sat down next to him, and scooted a bit closer than necessary, while you sat across from the two of them.

“I have to in… enter a gate you now. Because Mommy never brings any over her friends over. I didn’t know she had any friends.”

You blushed a bit at this, at your son’s overdramatic behavior, and his admission that you’d become a bit of a loner.

“Go ahead, pal,” Steve chuckled heartily.

“When did you meet my mom?”

“Before you were even born.”

“Wow! That’s a long time. You’re really old. What’s your favorite dinosaur?”

“I’ve heard T-Rexes are pretty cool.”

“Have you met any?”

You nearly spat out your drink at this. If only your son had known.

“Nope, never. Have you?”

“Hmm, not yet. But they’re my favorite dino too. Now your ‘gating is over.”

You couldn’t help but to burst out into laughter at the bizarre exchange, but you were glad that your son and Steve were getting along so well.

The rest of dinner went pretty similarly, with Grant bantering with Steve, and Steve indulging him. You could tell that the relationship between the two of them was something that came both naturally and easily. You couldn’t help but to grin as Grant began to ramble about how cool Steve was, and how he swore he was better friends with Steve than you were.

“Mommy, isn’t Steve the best? You guys should totally get married so he can have dinner with us every day!” he swooned. “He even kinda looks like me, right?!”

That’s why you couldn’t help what came out of your mouth next.

“Grant, Steve is… He’s your dad,” you said quietly.

Grant nodded, then slurped up a noodle, “That’s why he’s so cool! He gets it from me, right Mom?”

“That sounds right to me,” You glanced up at Steve, and noticed his surprised expression. You mouthed something along the lines to ‘He’ll process it later,’ and waved a dismissive hand, before going in for another bite of food.

----

After putting Grant to bed, You and Steve stood at your kitchen sink, bumping elbows occasionally as the two of you silently worked together to wash and dry dishes.

The domesticity and familiarity of the action brought you an obscene amount of comfort. You remembered how you once believed that this is what your future would look like. Your thoughts were interrupted by Steve beginning to talk.

“Doesn’t this remind you of life after the first snap?” He asked, breaking the silence.

“Kind of. You’re not off the hook yet, by the way. You still have plenty of explaining and proving you’ve changed to do.” You set the last cup in the cupboard, then dried your hands off.

“I know, I know,” Steve began.

“We don’t even know if you’re ready for fatherhood. But right now, I kinda don’t care. I really just want you to kiss me.” You reached up to Steve’s cheek, and he pulled you in for a soft and chaste kiss.

You’d never felt more at home.

——

me with this fic:

[nochiquinn]

campaign 1 episode 27 REDUX: The Path to Whitestone OR travis willingham’s personal hell chamber

I was looking for timestamps (god bless you, people who do timestamps in youtube comments) and found this absolute gem of a comment that p much says what I was trying to get across w/my onion avocado comments last time

[id: Besides his metagaming, his dice fudging, and other things, like the "I want to do 6 things. Those things don't work the way I wanted? Then forget it I don't do those and now I want to do these 6 other things. I can't do that? Well then let me say the same exact idea even though you just told me I couldn't". I realize looking back that a big problem was him staying in his lane in roleplaying. In D&D everyone plays a role. The Wizard takes care of the spells, the rogue does the sneaky sneak, etc. But then there's also the roles like the planner, the tank, and even the comic relief. Tiberius did well when he fit into his role as the professor and the spellcaster. But then he wanted to get into everyone else's lanes and make the show all about him.

Laura/Vex had Trinket and so he got a pet pseudodragon. If that were all then it wouldn't be a big deal. Scanlan makes the sexual jokes and come-ons, and Orion tries to jump in on that too. To disastrous results. He starts inventing weapons, Percy's role, and they are pretty high damage melee weapons and uses them brutally. Grogs role. The Briarwood arc is Percy's story. Tiberius jumps into this with the "Yeah ME, It happened to ME. I HATE them". Trying to take on some of the personal vendetta aspect for Tiberius. Because the whole story needs to be about him and not Vox Machina. Anything that others do or get attention for, he wants to take for himself. You've got to fill your role and let the others fill theirs, let them have their drum solos too, and their parts of the story that aren't shining a light on you at the moment. Ideally, you want to support them and help them get their spotlight moments.]

"vespa, thrown from a tower wall" me, who associates the name with percy and vex's infant daughter: 😨

(I mean it's still 😨 but...infants)

I will never be as good at atmospheric writing as matthew goddamn mercer

taliesin listening with his eyes closed

laura and travis gossiping on the top table

"are we there?" no, you're cows

s n i t c h

"can we do the ricochet noises if percy misses" "okay but I want 5.1 so start here and go down"

the wookie noises for trinket

"am-bear-dextrous" 

"I'm just saying, I haven't meta-gamed" I think the first time I watched this I literally said out loud "do you want a cookie??"

"thanks for leaving a BEAR on suicide watch" "it was to CUDDLE if you were SAD. it was a THERAPY BEAR."

"percy, you're up" "[the deepest sigh]"

matt trying to describe the misfire while everyone does PTWING noises

taliesin: "I'm gonna do something a little weird" me: :D

meelee

(this is not me picking on matt, I too pronounce it meelee, but that's bc of an ancient TFS Plays L4D video) (I MEELEE'D HIM FOR YOU GAN)

orion not realizing their prisoner was getting choked out

it's not happening to tiberius so it doesn't matter 😌

"he's got better armor class than I do" bc he's a BEAR

"trinket missed?" "yeah" "PWING!"

lmao marisha asking for napkins and ryan just going "oh, shit"

marisha vs drinks is an eternal battle

this is now a foley artist convention

#supplebear

immune to gravity

The Party Is Now Deaf

"if you fail I get to scream in your ear"

marisha lasering herself in the eye

"hold still, casper"

"all I know is how to stick my face into beehives, apparently"

lmao there was shit on the bottom of the stein the very next episode

vax asking keyleth about her hand and sam looking frantically between marisha and liam

"I rolled a one! :D"

percy dropping eaves

"you wanna stop being a fucking creeper"

insight check ur party member

ahh, yes. orion's attempt at building a spin-off series all by his damn self.

"I didn't know we had a whole ARMY at our disposal, that's wonderful to hear." I cannot screencap laura's sarcasm or I absolutely would

oh my g o d, dude, no one wants to do your plan, just sit DOWN

"as vex is saying this, tiberius is getting a half-chub"

tumblr is going to eat my soul trying to post all of these but watching their faces during certain scenes has always been fun for me and now, when orion is going off the rails for reasons no one can discern, and they can't call him out Live On The Internet...it's fandom anthropology. for me anyway.

(it's also me being made WILDLY uncomfortable by the vibes they have created in the studio today and focusing on literally anything else)

(ftr they should have called him out Live On The Internet)

another comment pointed out that knowing now that travis has adhd, his reactions are [deposits self in my psychology armchair, in front of my projector] possibly at least partially from being bored out of his skull and the general agitation that can create in adhd people

(the other part is orion being a horse's ass)

I love how they all pronounce "assum" has like a corruption of "hassan" despite matt not pronouncing it that way even once

sam: "we've always sought the path of most glory [describes a raid on the castle full of vampires]" travis: yes. thank you. this man understands me. for the love of god please let me hit something.

sam: maybe we should leave it up to the stream everyone else: absolutely FUCKING not

"I'm not dragging you into this with me" "we're CHOOSING to go, shut the FUCK up"

"all opposed say nay" "moo"

it's also weirdly endearing to watch the subs climb up, there's only 9k so far

smoke bomb ?

liam's old man ringtone

orion getting shitty when taliesin does the thing they already agreed to do just bc orion changed his mind

taliesin, 2015: save rp for good shit liam, 2019: I wanna roleplay fish and chips!!

"I thought you said you were gonna be brief" "I would if everybody else would shut the fuck up"

"how do you [remember npc names on the fly]??" "because I have to"

oh no it died

the timeline is going but the audio and video are not

oh there it goes

"it reminds me of my friend" ;-;

they never let themselves forget pike

jfsdfjs travis dropping his die while he was fidgeting with it

forgot that was from here

vex: haggle, goddamn you

orion: I have eight things travis:

mala said I have to watch travis' soul die in real time

mirrors

matt: if you're not going to f u c k i n g listen I'm going to take 500 gold from you

travis: I'm gonna kill everybody

(that's not me editorializing, he literally old laura that)

vax clipping one of keyleth's flowers 🥺

idk if laura called liam a dork or made a throwing up noise

"go sleep in your money"

"someday we will get out of the character creation menu, but it is not this day" "I don't like the nose yet" I am called out

I was called out the first time and I am still called out, nothing has changed

"percy is used to unstable things" "was that a jab at my - no, nevermind. can we not talk about my tastes?"

"that's what I do. that's what tiberius does." good, one more fucking useless thing

(I've honestly stopped watching the screen, did he get shitty about marisha's "I'm doing it 'cause I said it, I've committed, I'm setting a standard"?)

"I had to ask" no you didn't

"what if I roll like shit?" "then it'll be hilarious!"

"everyone remember that tiberius can just call in destruction whenever he wants"

"it reads - " "return to sender"

taliesin gargling for keyleth's water elemental speech

how did he not choke

(practice)

absolutely despise the rope bridge sound effect. hate it.

"know what I would give for a flying fucking carpet right now?!"

"I tie up all the horses" rip those horses

"these cliffside, coastal fjords" travis: 🤔

"I start researching liches, just bc I want to" ykw you could have tried to make the argument that, as a wizard, tiberius recognized some of delilah's magic and thought she might be a lich but now you just sound shady as fuck

that "do you wanna arm wrestle?" "no." was how I realized travis was just. not good.

like obviously he has not enjoyed this episode at all but that exhange was what drove it home for me

new meme format

"grog, throw something really heavy" "I pick up scanlan"

[mrpenguinpants]

Andrius, Venti, and Dvalin: General HCs [+ unhinged Venti]

Oh no, not strange at all! I love seeing the art people have done on human Dvalin and Andrius. I’m not entirely sure if you wanted a Venti x Dvalin x Andrius pairing but I’m going to assume so. But just in case, I added a few points of all 4 of your hanging out. How my desk is positioned with my window, the sun is shining directly into my eyes so I have to type in this weird position unless I want my eyeballs to melt.

Also, if any of this is wrong just look away. This took forever because holy crap there is so much lore on these 3. Not sure what exactly you had in mind so I made some general/friendship HCs

Alright, today’s appreciations post is for maagdalen​​. Super lovely person with some lovely emotes. Oh and your english is really good btw^^ and ty for chatting with me 💕💕💕

---

[taglist]  <- if you want to be added, please read this first. 

@hanniejji​​  @mikeysbike​​ @unionwitch​ @musekala​ @twistedsunnshiii​ @stanzastic​ @akaasea​ @xoneaboveallx​ @adoring-ghost​ @asheseiler​ @childelover​ @dilucsz​

---

Andrius, Venti, and Dvalin: General HCs

Andrius

Andrius, also known as Lupus Boreas, was tasked with protecting the nation of Mondstadt under the request of Barbatos. He had a noble soul and mainly stays in the area of Wolvendom. He was strict, to the point, and never really partakes in whatever “foolish” activities Venti or Dvain get themselves into. But it’s all just a front because as soon as one of them get’s hurt or is in danger, his fangs and teeth are out. Even if it’s a cute hydro slime. Then he’ll take them by the scruff of their neck back to Wolvendom to get their wounds checked. On Venti it works, but with Dvalin’s dragon form. It’s amusing to see a pouting dragon getting dragged off by a wolf that wasn’t even double his size.

Not many Mondstadt citizen’s know but Andrius isn’t actually a wolf. He chooses to take the form of a wolf and should any of the wolves in Wolvendom be threaten, that’s the form he will appear in. But in truth, it was because Venti suggested it. If he was going to stay in Wolvendom and protect wolves then it made sense that his form would be the big bad wolf. Really Andrius just believes that Venti has a secret vendetta against cats and Andrius wouldn’t talk to Venti if he suggested that he take the form a dog.

There is a bit of discourse between Andrius and Venti due to Venti’s human-like appearance since Andrius views human society as a disappointment. Only accepting abandoned infants that have no where to go. But he does respect Barbatos and helped in his efforts to rebuild Mondstadt and protect it as one of the Four Winds.

While he doesn’t completely enjoy Venti’s extravagant personality he’s glad that Barbatos adopted the name and is living his life in freedom. Despite being the anemo archon, he chooses to live as Venti. Having fun in taverns and doing what he loves.

Venti

Venti always brings stories and sings for the two whenever he decides that it’s been too long since he’s seen his friends. He usually brings a bottle of wine even if he’s the only one that ever drinks - which is probably why he brings wine - which leads to Andrius scolding Venti to try and act civilized when he gets drunk and saying “No Dvalin, you cannot have some. The last time we let you drink you cried so much that Springvale still has a waterfall.”

It’s amusing to hear that after the war, the biggest problem Venti has right now is getting constantly ID checked. Dvalin takes this quite literally, since he still isn’t fully aware of taverns rules and regulations, that it takes both Venti and Andrius to hold him down before another Stormterror incident happens.

Venti has always been bold, never afraid to say anything, which was a trait that Dvalin and Andrius liked about the anemo archon. It was what made him the archon of freedom but sometimes Venti is a bit too bold and pretends to play fetch with Andrius wolf form. He is not amused. When he tries it with Dvalin, Dvalin will participate but he get’s confused and ends up just sitting beside Venti when the archon throws the stick. Which causes Venti to make a walk of shame to get the stick back.

When Venti acts as the Wind Archon it’s always a bit of whiplash when he talks in his philosophical state that it reminds Dvalin and Andrius that despite his childlike appearance and attitude, he was still the anemo archon. But it get quickly covered up when he says it’s time to switch back to Venti time.

It’s hard for them all to meet up in the present day. Dvalin stays in his domain while Andrius stays in Wolvendorm, all alone in their own domain. Venti prefers lively places than those quiet and solitude areas so he’s either in the City of Freedom or under the Windrise tree. But on occasions where he feels lonely he’ll swing by Dvalin’s lair and use the winds to carry their conversation to Andrius. Just so he isn’t left out.

If anyone asks where the ballads that Venti sings that are about a strict wolf and a nervous dragon, he’ll just say it was a passing tune he made up.

Dvalin

Dvalin, same as Andrius, lost his faith in humanity and the city of Mondstadt. He was released as his role as one of the four winds but continued to remain in Mondstadt. Similarly to Andrius he is distrustful around humans after being betrayed by them, chose to avoids human contact but he tries to adopt a more friendly side when Venti visits him.

Dvalin cares about Venti more and isn’t as standoffish in showing that he appreciates Venti compared to Andrius. Venti explained to him and showed him what freedom truly was he felt connected with someone for the first time. He did want to be understood and loved by the humans for who he was and what he wanted to protect. But that’s still a long road ahead.

He’s a curious but clumsy dragon. He’s pure of heart and steadfast in his goals which Venti is full-heartily cheering him on while Andrius disagrees but allows Dvalin to continue on this own path. Even if Andrius is on the other side of Mondstadt, he still tries to keep an eye out for Dvalin should the Abyss Order ever try and take his friend under their control.

However, due to how almost naïve the dragon is, he get’s into rather...interesting situations. While Andrius groans and Venti loses his absolute shit when Dvalin, still in his dragon form, lands and tries to observe the wolves. He only hides behind a thin tree that barely covers even 2% of his entire body and ends up scaring the wolves who run back to Andrius for safety. It takes a lot of consoling from Venti that the wolves didn’t like him, they were just scared and perhaps he should adopt a smaller form?

He’s still a bit sick from the aftermath of the Abyss Order and the poison of Durin so he can’t travel as far as he would like so Venti keeps him company. Telling him what the citizens of Mondstadt have been up to and playing music with his lyre.

---

I love writing Venti, he’s so much fun. :) I say this but I live for Venti who hides behind this happy persona but is actually unhinged or deluded. I have many thoughts on this but I didn’t want to break the pace of the fic (plus this is getting pretty long anyways). So feel free to skip the rest of this if that makes you uncomfortable. I’m just spit balling right now.

But nervous and shy dragon Dvalin plus mother hen Andrius is canon. You cannot convince me otherwise.

This week has just turned into “what will we awaken today?” In other news, Lisa and Diluc. But it might be a bit late since this took some time to finish. In extra news, solo leveling just updated. Oh and jjk is (hopefully) getting a new episode tmr^^

---

Barbatos

Andrius and Dvalin trust Venti to fulfill his archon duties should anything ever happen to Mondstadt. The same way Venti trusts the Four Winds will protect Mondstadt should anything dangerous arise. With the carefree nature of Venti making a sudden appearance after Barbatos’s year long nap, they both got a bit too comfortable with this happy-go-lucky version of their archon.

That is until Venti brings a fourth person into their trio. Someone who knew how to play the lyre and wished to fly and see the birds. Andrius and Dvalin share a quick look of anxious tension and it’s confirmed when Venti makes a small slip of the tongue and calls you by a certain boy’s name. They aren’t sure what to do or if Venti was starting to regress back into Barbatos and what that could mean for this innocent traveler.

“Barbatos defeated the previous ruler and left the city to rest because he didn’t want to become the same tyrant. But an archon is still an archon with responsibilities. Those responsibilities can be warped to the point that they believe they are helping and guiding their followers, but are actually trapping them in their cage. He is an archon that believes in freedom so his cage is just a bit bigger. Big enough that you can’t see the walls. Be careful traveler.”

Venti goes to greet you the next day you see him but his words seem to fade away when he approach's you. He asks if you’ve been talking to Andrius lately. You nod and ask how he knows. He says that you just spell like wolfhooks and that you shouldn’t worry about anything. 

The next day Andrius apologizes to you about his words and that he was mistaken. There was nothing to worry about and to trust Venti. You can see Dvalin a bit off to the side looking away nervously and a bit guilty.

Venti always makes sure that Andrius and Dvalin keep an eye on you, especially Dvalin when you’re in stormterror land. It was a pretty dangerous landscape to trek through. As for Andrius, he doesn’t want you to get hurt during your weekly practice fights. It wouldn’t do you any good if you got hurt and couldn’t explore this vast world with him.

[yitan]

Thoughts of Arcadia

Some base ground before I start:

- I have experience the emotional rollercoaster that is the Tales of Arcadia series from start to finish (three shows/six season + movie) in the literal timespan that is last week. - I have a lot of thoughts and emotions on this subject now, MANY more than I thought I would when I began S1E1. I will just find myself thinking on them. A lot. - This is not me sharing all my thoughts as many have not had enough time to brew in my head. This one however has sat in my mind the longest. - I don’t really know anywhere else I could express my thoughts on this. So congrats Tumblr.

ATTENTION! If you plan to watch this show or have not completed it do NOT read past this point. I am unpacking an emotional thought train and will be including spoilers to the series!

Okay I need to voice a piece about Troll Jim. I’ve had just about this full week to see this fandom and already am aware that is a divisive subject. I’m still going to keep speaking though.

Firstly, I do understand why Jim was returned to human at the end of Wizards - The writers for the movie had already decided most of the scene’s were going to be in the day, and can’t have the main character getting killed by the set. - They also wanted Jim’s narrative to be how powerless he is without the amulet, and that argument doesn’t hold as strong when characters as big as Aaarrrgghh can smack him around without him feeling anything and he is able to outpace a horse.

That said it felt wasted. Yes Jim personally shows more relief at being human, However. - All of Jim’s friends continued to love him after he turned into Troll Jim. Blinky, Aaarrrgghh, Toby, his mother Barbara. - Claire continues to love him and is even still willing to be affectionate in public with him in this new form. - The only person who doesn’t love the new Jim is Jim. And while yes he had a very forceful voice in Merlin pushing for his transformation, all Merlin did was put the potion in Jim’s hand. Jim made the bath and set up the potion and got into the bath all by himself.

It was stated by Aaron Waltke that Troll Jim can’t take his armor off because the armor knows he doesn’t feel safe and is trying to protect him. - Troll Jim fights Angor Rot & Gunmar in a two on one and walks away with a single scratch. His two biggest enemies prior to Morgana’s awakening - He does this while also internally fighting his own discomforts about himself - In the six to seven months in cannon that we see Troll Jim we never see him without the armor on.  - In six to seven months this man never felt safe in his own skin

Imagine how powerful a Troll Jim who had learned to love himself would be.

Side bar: They could have been creative and respun a running gag in the series. -Barbara’s cooking is canonically terrible. -Troll Jim can’t enjoy the superb meals he is skilled at making. - But now his mom’s cooking tastes amazing! - We could have had home scene’s where their both in the kitchen, him cooking for her and her cooking for him. IT WOULD HAVE BEEN CUTE!

Now, don’t complain about a story beat if you can’t suggest an alternative. Here’s my thought on how the character could have been salvaged.

Merlin stated there was no way to undo the transformation. - However Wizards takes effort to explain the Merlin doesn’t trust shadow magic and thus does not know a great deal about it. - Claire saves Jim at the end of Wizards from being turned to stone and is a user of shadow magic. -We also have it confirmed in lore that Morgana used shadow magic to make the first changelings. As well that her changelings did not require an infant familiar.  -That is something Gunmar had to do after she was sealed away. Since he did not have her level of power.

Both sides of the which Jim discussion could have won with the simple introduction of Changeling Jim. Literally just regular Jim and Half-Troll Jim but he can now switch between them at will. - Changelings can eat normal food, like Jim misses. - They can blend into society, so Jim can live his life again. -They do not share the troll weakness to sunlight. Even though Nomura(the writers) somehow forgot that in the movie. -Also it is shown that they don’t live forever, the oldest confirmed changeling we have is estimated at 125 years old. -I’m willing to bet that while they can outlive an average human, it’s not by much. I’m basing this on the fact that everyone is cool with Barbara’s and Walt’s relationship and doesn’t ask questions.

Now this still allows Jim to get back the things he missed the most and keeps the character development of his transformation. Win-win, really.

Moving forward this also allows the plot continue without any major changes. While still improving on it. - Jim can still go through an arc of self doubt.  - Not because he’s powerless with out the amulet, but because he’s not longer sure if the amulet would chose him anymore. - According to Aaron Waltke, in lore the amulet would never chose a changeling because they are stereotyped as being two-faced. - Jim gets the new amulet and it doesn’t work, so now he thinks he’s unworthy. - Once the Excalibur stone is placed in the amulet it works again proving that Jim is The Troll Hunter regardless of the changes he’s gone through. - It gives a spin on Jim’s continued arc without having to literally set him back in character development.

Jim is an amazing character, and I loved watching him grow through this series. Troll Jim is a wonderful element to that, both narratively and visually. I want to see this series continue past the movie and maybe possibly reexamine the plots like this which felt like they were cut off more for time than resolution.

I clicked that first episode because I was feeling depressed among other things, and was not prepared for how invested I was going to get in this series. I’m here now and I want to see more. If your here, thank you for hearing my thoughts.  It feels good to verbalize the things this series has made me feel.

[chalkrevelations]

Street Dance of China S3, Ep 3. It sounds like maybe I should step up my pace on these, as they’ve announced the captains for S4 now? (Yibo back, Lay Zhang back, plus a couple of new guys I don’t actually recognize yet.) When is this going to air because it is just LAUGHABLE that I can keep up with 3+ hours of this a week. Particularly if I’m going to keep obsessively re-watching Word of Honor AND try to finally finish Killer & Healer in the miniscule free time I actually have for teevee. There’s certainly no way I can watch and dither on about 3+ hours/week worth of dance show in realtime before January, at least.

ANYWAY, this ep, we get a recap of everyone falling out after the captains’ cypher, and we learn who got the final extra towels and passed through to the next round: Lu Jiao Ni, who we barely see, on Team Jackson Wang; Yuan Ye (as promised) and A Li (who we barely see) on Team Lay Zhang (ETA: Wait, we find out later that A Li isn’t even on Lay’s team, she’s on Yibo’s - he wouldn’t move her on, and she gets one of Lay’s towels instead); Bullet (as promised) on Team Wang Yibo; and Xiao Ming (as promised? maybe? as we’ve barely seen this guy?) on Team Wallace Chung.

This week: Out of 400 people, we’re down to 105. Not all of these faces are familiar, and I suspect I don’t really need to learn 90 percent of the unfamiliar faces. I … am going to go out on a limb and make a guess that one of the dancers whose name has been bolded in one of the past two episode recaps is going to be the ultimate winner, because I have umpty SYTYCD episode reactions on my LJ, and I suspect I know how this works. I wouldn’t even put money on any of those five bolded names in the previous paragraph, quite honestly. Anyway, now it’s time to start culling down to 60. We bring out the team captains, and my first reaction is “MY EYES” because wth are some of you wearing? Wow. Yibo’s shoelaces are all over his jacket. Wallace looks like he rolled a flasher on the street for his trenchcoat. Lay Zhang is wearing a baggy pink jumpsuit, and I guess, OK, it’s easier to maneuver bathroom breaks in one of those when you have a dick, but that’s definitely a fashion trend that should have stayed back in the ‘80s. I guess questionable fashion is an international phenomenon.

There’s also an empty chair for the promised Mystery Guest, and there’s a game with clues, and a lot of guesses from our captains about who the Mystery Guest will be, and Jackson does A Bit through the whole thing. I don’t know whether to be entertained or annoyed by him. He’s the only one without some egregiously questionable fashion choices (so far) this episode, so maybe he gets a pass. Anyway, I don’t have the pop cultural context to understand the guesses, and I also don’t have either the pop cultural context or the knowledge of this area of dance to grok the Mystery Guest’s identity, but he’s Huang Bo, and apparently he had more than 1000 dance performances in the 1990s, so he must be at least as old as me and Wallace, if not older. Yibo takes the opportunity to make the – very NON-politic – remark that maybe HE wasn’t even born yet at the time? That … is not the way to win friends and influence people, Infant. Also, the Mystery Guest is NOT the person Jackson kept doing A Bit about. The reveal is all very dramatic, and he does a lil’ bit of choreography from of each of the four Extant Captains’ videos before he takes off his mask, and they act appropriately impressed, and there are some girls with short shorts among his backup dancers, so that all happened. The show obviously wants me to be very impressed by him. Show also tells us he’ll have a special skill that will be very important and at least leads us to believe that he’s going to be the “life-saver,” so the audience immediately curries favor, or at least plays at it.

Next up: Rules. Eliminations this week involve contestants self-selecting into groups of anywhere from one to five people and performing for a panel of all the captains. Teams pull a number out of a hat for performance order. Thumbs up from all four captains, you go to the next round. Abstentions from all captains, you go home. Thumbs up from some and abstentions from others, you face the possibility of a call-out from other contestants, whereupon you have to dance for your life battle to find out which of you stays and which of you goes. Oh, and we’re only going to keep going until the 60 available seats are filled, and then we’re done. If you’re number 35, you’d better be prepared to battle someone earlier and kick their ass, or you’re fucked, you don’t even get to dance. I’ve said it before: Audentes Fortuna adiuvat. Only wait, ETA: There will be some last minute BS rules fuckery, in a way that is clearly intended to save someone in particular, which I feel some kind of way about - and it is not really the way that almost everyone on the show seems to feel - but I guess we’ll get to that later.

And cue ridiculously long nattering, so we’re going to cut here.

First group is Lin Meng (Team Wallace), Teng Zai (Team Lay), Bing - of the infamous motorbike flirtation - and Dian Men (both Team Yibo), along with a dude we haven’t actually seen yet, Tang Qian (also Team Yibo). Your lack of even B-roll so far is concerning re: your chances in this competition, Tang Qian. I’m just sayin’. Anyway, this is a powerhouse group, and at least Lin Meng and Teng Zai are familiar with each other because they’re from the same crew, and Xiao Bao remarks from the audience of contestants that these guys are going to go through, no matter what. They’re going to do a totally popping routine. My sound drops out at the beginning which … yeah, makes them look even more like a boyband at the beginning, in their matching baseball uniform shirts. So, here’s the thing, they’re a little muddled, they don’t move smoothly around each other on stage - their dance moves are coordinated, but they’re not moving in space like a group that understands each other. (Somewhere in here, my sound comes back, and Yibo already can’t hold still to the music.) The other thing is, though - all of these guys are very good at what they do, they finally hit their stride a minute or so in, and when they do, they hit it hard. I’m frankly surprised they don’t get passed right through to the next round, but Jackson abstains on the vote, and when called upon to explain himself, it turns out he just wants to see them battle. I can understand the impulse, Jackson, but this is already super stressful on all the dancers, and it doesn’t escape my notice that you’re the only one of the four captains without a dog in this particular fight, so a little bit you look like you’re doing this just because you can. Remember this, because it will set a bad example for an 11th -hour vote. Anyway, there’s the chance for a callout, which no one takes because the entire audience is convinced this group is too good to beat. Five of 60 seats taken.

Group two is Shen Kai Xiang – the Jack Ma lookin’ dude. He’s flying solo. He gets to stand around uncomfortably for a while onstage while Special Guest Huang Bo does A Bit making fun of all of the captains’ speech patterns and accents and pronunciation, except Yibo’s, because Yibo apparently never talks. Ha ha. (I’m also wondering if there’s some socio-cultural stuff underlying some of this that I’m not cued in enough to fully understand.) Huang Bo then tells the contestant that Jackson has probably fucked him over by praising him too effusively (he came from Jackson’s team, and Jackson already is displaying a tendency to rhapsodize about how everything is “ART”), so all the captains now will have inflated expectations that Shen Kai Xiang is surely only going to fail to meet. I’m beginning to suspect that Huang Bo’s Special Guest Superpower is not “lifesaver” but “kind of annoying asshole.” Maybe it’s to take that particular spotlight off of Chick. ANYWAY, Shen Kai Xiang FINALLY gets to perform, and he gets a little bit of a slow start, but he packs in a lot of elements and gets a LOT of good air in his moves once he gets wound up. He’s lyrical and super emo about it. I’m kind of “eh” on him – technically, he’s good, but I’m not particularly connecting with him, which I’m willing to admit could be a me thing, as everyone else seems super-impressed. Three captains pass him through. Yibo does not and explains this decision as personal preference – he likes more “underground” styles, more battle styles. Huang Bo brings back the issue of too-high expectations to help explain why Shen Kai Xiang isn’t being passed directly to the next round, even though Yibo just explained his decision and that is literally not the reason he explicitly gave. Anyway, Shen Kai Xiang gets no call outs, which seems to surprise Yibo, and we’re at six of 60 seats taken.

In quick succession, we move through Liang Hua Jie – we don’t see much of him, but we learn that while Wallace likes his musicality, Yibo doesn’t like his face (OK, doesn’t like his facial expressions, which, what can I say? I get this. If I’d had the power to unilaterally send home Lacey Schwimmer on her season of SYTYCD, I’d have done it, that’s how fucking annoying I found the way she’d mug for the camera the entire time she danced. Like I couldn’t even watch her dancing, because I was too distracted by what she was doing with her FACE the whole time.); Jian De Chao (wait, is this Chao from the first episode?) & Chen Zui – who, from what we get to see of them have some good flow and move pretty well together, but can get a little bit mushy in their moves, and Yibo likes their skills, but Lay thinks they don’t feel like a group, which what? Incorrect; and a group that’s dubbed themselves Purple Storm Show, which includes Alex from Jackson’s team and four other people who I can’t even catch – we barely see their performance, and Lay likes them, but Jackson thinks they’re flat. I can’t tell if any or all of these guys were sent through to the next round or sent home, but if they didn’t make it, then  :(  because I liked Alex, and he got hit in the eye for this, he deserves better than to get sent home because his team can’t get it together. We still have no group that’s been passed through by all four captains.

And then, next up is another powerhouse team: Gongsu Wu Ming and Hei Zai (Team Lay), George and Xiao Ming (Team Wallace), and (Xiao) Bai (Team Jackson). Yibo is skeptical about an all B-boy group, and don’t make me fight you, Yibo, because an all B-boy group is like my dream come true (sorry, poppers; sorry, lockers; my heart truly belongs to the B-boys, they are my favorite). We learn they added a flip at the last minute – an assisted flip, with a couple of them flinging George into the air over the other two of them. Wu Ming thinks that George is the only one of all the competitors who could do it, but George – who has a little more skin in the game than anyone else, as the guy who could potentially land on his head wrong - is a bit concerned about whether they’re going to pull it off. They start, and they’re all good, a little bit muddled before they hit their stride, but the slo-mo cartwheel is great, and from there, they’re off and running. This is why I like the B-boys – I know it takes a lot out of you to do this, but there is nothing – nothing­ – like the magnetic energy they can generate when they’re in their performance headspace and everything is flowing. This is a performance, and Wu Ming has talked a little bit about wanting to step up breaking, and if this is the sort of thing he wants to do, I’m all for it – give him the platform now. I’m going to take just a minute to single out Bai and say that he’s better when he’s not doing A Bit like he did in his initial performance for Lay Zhang – he’s much more electric here, and someone else’s choreography may make the difference. Jackson, Yibo, Lay – they’re all out of their seats, none of them can hold still in the face of this. We get to the end, and unfortunately, everyone else is kind of cluttered and mushy moving into position for the flip – that is not a way to go out guys, DO NOT DO THAT at the last minute – but then George f’kn NAILS the flip, so that’s thankfully the last impression they leave. The captain’s faces are a picture. (Except Wallace, who’s suddenly too cool to give us anything, apparently.) FIRST ALL-PASS. George’s assessment: “Not bad.” :facepalm: OK, Mr. Cool Guy. They also cut in a post-interview bit with Bai about the performance, and he notes that they all know each other, they’ve been battling each other for like, a decade, now. Dance together more, guys.

Moving on, we fortunately have another very strong group to follow them: Gai Gai, Wang Tao and Huang Xiao, all from Jackson’s team, and you can tell he badly, badly wants to start in on the ART! bit but he (loudly) keeps his mouth shut about this group until after the performance. The only one of these three we’ve seen so far this season has been Gai Gai, but they all dance in the same group together, and they seem to be well-known by a lot of the other competitors, particularly Huang Xiao, both as a dancer and a choreographer. They say they’re doing jazz, although I’d be more likely to call this contemporary, if I was going to put them in a box. They are gorgeous – lyrical, fantastic dance vocabulary, amazing choreography, beautiful musicality, and the way they move together as a unit is … :chef’s kiss:  I think Huang Xiao may be the best of the three, technically, but there’s something ineffably charismatic about Gai Gai that’s pulling focus a bit – just a bit – more than the other two in this performance. If there’s a weak link, it’s Wang Tao, and really, that’s only by comparison with the other two, which is a really high bar. We get some shots of the audience of competitors worrying about Yibo’s reaction, given his preference for the old-school battle dancers and an apparent “strictness” with urban dancers and related genres, but these three also get an All-Pass to the next round, and Yibo talks to them a little bit about the choreography and his (complimentary) reactions to the performance before they leave the stage.

And then. Oh, dear. Then we get a group of three – Da Mao, A Li and Tall(? Maybe? It looked like he was going to get out of this anonymously – probably lucky for him – but then the subtitles threw up this name on him at the last minute) – who are the only krumpers who’ve made it this far. Lay Zhang is really promoting them, because he really wants to see a bigger krump presence, and he’s really nervous about their performance, and he really, really should not have pinned his hopes on these three, because I hate to say it but they are a hot fk’n mess. They are … not good. I can’t believe any of the three made it this far, and in fact, we learn after their performance, while everyone is sitting in a kind of stunned horror (and y’all, I am not exaggerating for effect there), that Yibo did not pass A Li on from his team, that she got one of Lay Zhang’s final extra battle towels. I mean, there’s an obvious gap in the quality of this performance compared to everyone else we’ve seen. There’s also a lot of pacing around and standing around instead of dancing. They’re trying for the attitude, but they’re not managing it. They do manage to get an embarrassed reaction from Chick, which says something all on its own, as I wasn’t aware that he had any shame. Other competitors also are doing the embarrassment-squick cringe in the audience. Lay Zhang is literally hiding behind his clipboard. This is the first All-Out we get, where they’re directly eliminated – not even Lay can bring himself to vote “yes” on them. Now, all the krumpers are gone, and Lay is visibly sad and frustrated, but as we appear to move to a little bit of a break, Yibo displays the most emotional intelligence of anyone there and asks Lay to teach him how to krump, to distract him and get him actually doing the dancing he enjoys for a little bit. It’s also a chance for Yibo to learn a new thing, and he talks about his chance to improve in a little interview bit from later on that’s cut in here. I mean, yes, that actually was kind of a sad attempt at krump during the cypher, my dude, so this can only help you, but you also are being an extremely good guy, giving your fellow captain some emotional support right now. Thumbs up.

Next up, we have AK Dong (Team Wallace), also flying solo, and they give us a little heart-tugging B-roll about how he doesn’t have a team with him there, so he’s going it alone. He’s fantastic right out of the gate - good musicality, clean and precise, and he’s got a nice texture to his performance, it feels … full even though it doesn’t feel as big and expansive as some of the other dancers. Unfortunately, Lay doesn’t agree with me (incorrect), says he wants a performance that’s more elegant and “balanced,” and is the single holdout vote, which opens my dude up to a call-out challenge. This is the guy who looks like comedian Hank Chen, which has overshadowed his dancing twice now, because he had to listen to it from Haung Bo when he came out to dance, and he CANNOT catch a break, because now he gets challenged by three teams, including Bouboo’s team, which also includes Klash, Bullet and Colin (all Team Yibo), plus Boris (Team Lay), who we’ve only seen B-roll of so far although he speaks good Chinese, despite being from … I’m not sure where, but not China? AK Dong complains about how Boris looks at him with innocent eyes and tells him that they have no option other than to challenge, which is true (ETA: insofar as we know at this point), because they’re #36, and the 60 slots would almost certainly fill up before they even get a chance to dance. This team wins the bottle spin against the other two challengers, and I mean. :hands: This is a slaughter. They’re five-on-one, and they’re all really good at what they do, they make it look effortless, and AK Dong’s face is going to kill me. Wallace actually does vote for him, but the other three vote for the team, and that’s five more seats filled, and AK Dong eliminated, and I’m annoyed (although not as much as I’m gonna be) because I liked him, and I would have liked for him to get a chance to dance without having to listen to the Hank Chen nonsense at least once.

Next, we have Li Yue & Sha Sha, who appear to dance together on the regular. They have a kind of sultry number put together as the Green Snake and the White Snake that is … hm. I don’t know if we’re classifying this as urban or jazz for the purposes of the show, but it’s another piece that fits more into my contemporary box, if we were classifying them for most of the Western dance spaces I’ve seen. They’re good, as befits this stage of the competition, but a little inconsistent, technically. Also, I don’t find them particularly exciting to watch – I feel like something’s missing, although I can’t quite put my finger on what. I’m not sure their flow is consistent, and they’re probably not helped by following Gai Gai, Huang Xiao and Wang Tao. They get three yes votes from Lay, Yibo and Jackson, although they are … enough to maybe make Yibo a slight bit uncomfortable, being the shy and fragile homosocial forest creature that he may be, or that he may be getting edited as, who knows. Huang Bo pokes at Lay Zhang about his reaction to and vote for them. He also basically says that Wallace didn’t vote for them because Wallace wasn’t turned on by them, because Wallace is still doing his imperturbable cool-as-a-cucumber routine. Wallace’s hold-out vote opens them up to a call-out, and several groups come down to challenge, including – bad luck for Li Yue and Sha Sha – TI, who win the bottle spin. This group includes choreographer Zheng Jian Peng, as well as Su Lianya, who I didn’t realize was a TI member, both Team Wallace, along with … oh my god, Wei Ming, who’s the “Sir, what are you doing?” guy from Episode 2 when Wallace was giving out towels to poppers like candy, and I’m kind of pleased he’s made it this far, just based on that moment, alone, never mind any dancing skills. Rounding out the group are Long Long and Wei Lin, both from Team Yibo, and I think we got B-roll of Wei Lin at some point during Yibo’s eliminations in the first couple of eps. I know nothing about Long Long at this point. At any rate, everybody in this group is so good, I can finally see how they got their rep – fantastic musicality, and a great job of working as a unit. They feel like a team, even when they don’t manage to be quiiiiite synchronized. I’m not really feeling their costumes. Su Lianya continues to be a standout, even in a group that sets the bar this high. Wallace’s composure finally breaks when the other team captains evince interest in poaching her, and oh my god, he still has the hair elastic that he held for her at her initial performance, that they said would be a token of their vow to go all the way in the competition together. OK, I give Wallace a lot of shit, but this is actually kind of adorable. He literally pulls it out of his pocket to tell the other captains they can’t have her and to plead with her to remember their promise to each other. TI gets three votes and moves on. (Lay, still apparently captivated by the snake ladies although not enough to bald-facedly vote for them in the wake of TI’s performance, abstains.)

Next up are Tao and CiCi, and OK. I’m going to be honest here. I think they’re leveraging the “couple” schtick for all it’s worth, and good for them, it looks like they can pull it off, because I think some of the amazed reaction we get from the captains and from the audience is influenced a lot by their coupleness, but at the same time, I think some of the amazed reaction we get from the captains and from the audience is actually influenced by their coupleness rather than their dancing. I mean, Su Lianya and Wei Lin are in the audience of competitors clutching each other’s hands and crying, and it seems to be just as much about Tao telling CiCi out loud that he loves her just before the music starts and the fact that they kiss as part of the piece, if not more than it’s about their actual dancing. The show is also really pushing me on this, because whereas, with everyone else, it tosses up closed captions that tell me what moves are happening (in addition to dialogue subs), now I’m getting things like “heaven-made match.” They’re good, but I think they actually also suffer a bit from following the Gai Gai/Huang Xiao/Wang Tao powerhouse, because I think we’re unlikely to get anything on the lyrical side of things that’s going to match up to that for the rest of the day. Tao and CiCi are better than Li Yue and Sha Sha were, and it is pretty badass the way she manages to make herself so small and compact she literally disappears behind him for that last little bit, and if they’d won the bottle spin on the last callout, they would have won the challenge, I have no doubt. But. :hands: I think the show has actually done that thing Huang Bo accused Jackson of earlier and set my expectations too high. I’m’a sound like Yibo – or like Yibo normally would, because he also seems to get suckered into the overwhelmed reaction for this – and say that I think Tao was better in the less lyrical style when he danced with Yibo and Bing in the Ep 2 towel battle. They get an All-Pass from the captains and talk about their inspiration for the piece, which apparently is a couple who confessed their love to each other the day before the girl had to go into COVID quarantine, and well, now I guess I feel like just a little bit of an asshole for not appreciating the COVID love story properly? Anyway, the captains then keep asking them intrusive questions about their relationship, and Huang Bo mocks Lay for apparently never being in love so he won’t understand what it’s like, and I’m cringing in my seat a little before Jackson gets us back on track and Tao and CiCi finally go sit down.

Then Huang Bo takes the chance to go over to the contestants who haven’t performed yet and stress them out about how few of the 60 available seats are left. I mean, I guess it’s part of competition, but come on, dude.

ANYWAY, next up, we have a group calling themselves Team Wake Up – it’s the waackers, and this group includes Xiao Bao and San Jin from Team Lay, along with a guy we haven’t seen yet, Tu Zi; Meng Di from Team Yibo; and Gao Shi Yu, who we also haven’t seen, from Team Wallace. They start working it, and I’m like, oh wait … and then they hit the Cat Walk, and I’m like, oh shit, and a light bulb finally goes off, because I’ve been super-fk’n slow, but now they’ve shown me what this genre is about, and I’m interested to see what they do here, because a lot of this performance could be straight off the floors of the ball scene. The entire group is pretty good, although I do think Gao Shi Yu is the weak link, she’s not quiiiiite up to the standard of the rest of them. They move well as a group, though, good coordination, sharp and clean, fantastic musicality, high energy all the way through, with EXCELLENT attitude, which is half the battle, because if you’re not confident for this kind of thing – or if you can’t at least fake it flawlessly – you might as well not even be out there. They all do lose a little bit of focus when they’re in the background as they break out for their individual moves, and they fall apart a tiny bit near the end. Also, Meng Di’s belt is off-center, and I know that sounds super picky, but it kept distracting me, so I wish that hadn’t been the case. Xiao Bao is definitely still the standout here – he takes the lead from the minute they come out, with the mic, and never really relinquishes it. We finally get to see San Jin perform, and his extension could be better. Tu Zi must be lacking in the charisma department to not have shown up before this, because he’s better than I expected. Before they started, the group that Xiao Jie and Yang Kai are in together – who still haven’t performed – were debating if they should challenge this group, but Xiao Jie advised waiting to see how good they were, and then after the performance is all, “nooo, we should not challenge,” and props to you for not just writing off the waackers, my man, because they get an All-Pass, and there’s not even a chance for a callout. Before we move on, Wallace clams he’s learned some waacking during the show, and the other captains (led by Jackson, who calls him gege) make him demonstrate, and the contestants, who know what side their bread is buttered on, applaud.

Available seat check. Yibo participates in further stressing out the contestants by saying “Like, a dozen?” All y’all need to be challenging whatever chance you get. Now I bet you’re sorry you didn’t challenge Shen Kai Xiang back at the beginning, aren’t you?

Next up is our group of X-Crew representatives, hop-hop, and Yibo is excited. I almost expect him to do a little dance in his seat. Yang Kai helpfully lets me know that this group is from the top hip-hop crew in China. Oh, hey, that’s Qin Yu, from Team Wallace, the guy who Gongsu Wu Ming immediately recognized as the weak link in one of the towel battles and got up on; the guy who subsequently got taken out by Teng Zai, My Beloved. Qin Yu, the guy we hadn’t even had B-roll on, and still don’t. I wonder if I’m reading too much into that. He’s joined by Flea (which I’m assuming is a direct translation, as it doesn’t sound like “flea” when he says his name?) and Ding, also from Team Wallace - neither of whom we’ve seen before, I think - along with Ting and Lei Xiao Yang from Team Jackson. This is also the first time we’ve seen Lei Xiao Yang. I … feel weirdly unconfident about the famed X-Crew, given we haven’t seen more of them before this. Then again, we’d only seen Gai Gai from her group, so maybe this is a BigSurprise!edit … Ting comes out hard and heavy, and I actually think this is the best performance we’ve seen from her so far. She spends a lot of time out in front on this one, and I don’t think I got from her initial appearance or from her towel battle performances just how good she actually is. Overall though … I am … not that impressed with this group. They start out strong, but then they get sloppy. They have trouble working as a unit, which is surprising from people who supposedly have experience dancing together. They’re all very good, but they’re not synchronized. A lot of their solo showcase bits lack complexity, and that is an understatement. Qin Yu still has some of that nice fluidity along with his pretty face, but he’s not balanced, and he absolutely does not have the finesse he needs to pull this off. They all do move into the end strong, together again, hard, power behind their moves - almost everything from the slo-mo move is good - but … it’s a little late, y’all. That took way too long to get back together. And then, they inexplicably descend into … it’s not even sloppiness, it’s an utter hot mess during, like, the last 15 seconds of the performance, which is absolutely not the final impression you want to leave. And … wow. Shit. There are captains who actually agree with me on this. Sometimes you see the expected top dancers allowed to slide some in these early rounds of competition shows, but not this time – Wallace and Yibo both vote yes, but Jackson and Lay both abstain, and Jackson … wow. Wow. Is disappointed in them and expected more. Despite the fact that he’s like, 12, and that he’s done this to past groups just because he wanted to see them battle, a little bit this actually has a vague feeling of your dad telling you how much you’ve let him down. The audience is shocked, but I’m glad to hear someone say it. It was a good - if spotty - performance but certainly not the best we’ve seen.

So, we have a callout, and the group with Xiao Jie and Yang Kai, which also includes some guys named Shen Zi Hao, Xiao Zhi Bin and Oscar, pounces. And that is a very deliberate word choice, because these guys are on X-Crew like a lion on the trailing gazelle. They’re in their Men In Black suits (ETA: Wait, no, I think maybe they’re Agent Smith suits), and the audience of other competitors is losing it. Xiao Bao is very excited about Xiao Jie. Both Yibo and Jackson look like they’re in actual physical pain, to be forced to make the choice that’s coming up. Ting looks like she’s getting ready to throw up – she’s accepting this with less equanimity than she did the possible results of her initial performance, at least on the surface. I … am dreading losing her, actually, because I suspect that’s what’s getting ready to happen, and I am so so sorry, baby, that you worked so hard to carry your crew like that and they couldn’t keep their shit together. On the one hand, I’m impressed they’re pitting this level of competition against each other so early. On the other, I feel Jackson’s and Yibo’s pain. God. God. The Xiao Jie-Yang Kai group is here to f’kn battle. This is shaping up to be a slaughter. They are fast, clean, precise, great musicality, complex moves, super performance. They’re synchronized, high energy, fantastic animation – which could be a little cheesy, but they’re confident and fearless enough to pull it off - fun and interesting. They are maybe a little bit too gimmicky to be perfect for my taste, but I’m not the one voting them through, and what they’ve come up with is perfect for the audience that matters – the captains, the majority of which are 20-something-year-old boys – and knowing your audience, and performing for them, is a skill, too. BIGGEST (and frankly, only) ISSUE: Somebody fucked up a move, right at the beginning … I think maybe Yang Kai? (ETA: Yah, it was Yang Kai, ugh, what a time for that to happen.) If you’re going to fuck up, best to do it at the very beginning, I guess, and then give this performance afterward, to mitigate it as much as possible, but that one misstep gives the captains enough excuse put off a decision they really don’t want to make, like it’s not just going to make it worse to kick the can down the road a few minutes. Split vote, 2-2 (I thiiink, Yibo and Jackson for X-Crew, Lay and Wallace for the challengers?), which throws it to a further battle. Ting and Xiao Jie, one-on-one, and both of them are feeling the pressure of competing for their entire team instead of just themselves. Two rounds, hiphop and locking. So, each of them is better in their specialty. Ting’s got some fantastic, precise moves for the hiphop round. Xiao Jie is not as good in this round; I do notice he’s got a more directly confrontational style when he’s battling. I feel like she’s doing more waacking than locking in the locking round. Overall, she’s cleaner, more precise, he’s got a little bit more energy. I wouldn’t want to make this decision, frankly. I think Ting was better technically, but Xiao Jie might be the better performer – better at all that other stuff that adds up to stage presence. I do wonder how much of the captains’ decision is influenced by the groups, and who the captains are or aren’t willing to lose, even though it’s supposed to be based on this 1x1 battle. Just looking at who the show has put emphasis on already, we’ve got Ting vs. Xiao Jie AND Yang Kai, and I don’t know that they’re going to want to let that one-two punch go. Wallace votes Ting and X-Crew. Yibo and Lay vote Xiao Jie and the challengers. Jackson, the coward, abstains. Looks like Ting and X-Crew are going home, and this is the first cut that I’m genuinely upset about seeing. Ting feels bad for letting her crew down, but they let you down first, baby, or you wouldn’t even have been in that position.

Available seat check: 12. Dancers left: 27. Well.

We’re coming up on two hours now, and there’s clearly some kind of drama we want to get to, because we whip through the next few performances – few names, limited time spent on them. The ones who do make it through are likely cannon fodder in the next couple of rounds. There’s a group of four in khakis that gets sent through to the next round; Yibo liked their moves. Guy named Zhan Ke in a suit goes through to the next round. We’ve turned into a clip show now, and the screen literally says “ … ” at one point as each group of competitors gets 3 seconds of airtime. Cut to three seats left out of the 60. There’s about seven people left, and … that includes Chick. I have a sinking feeling this guy is going to be the real focus, at this point. He’s paired up with some dude named Long, and they have lost the bottle spin on callout after callout after callout, so they’ve never had a chance to challenge, and now, look at these morose motherfuckers, still sitting in the bleachers. I almost feel bad for them.

So, three seats left, and the next group is three people: Yang Qi aka “Apple” from Team Jackson, Lin from Team Lay and Bobo from Team Wallace. Urban dancers. I lose sound on them right at the beginning, but they’ve got some nice sharp moves, good choreography, they work well as a unit. Solid performance, if not the best we’ve seen. Apple’s got the best technique, I think. Audience likes them a lot. We get a cut to Chick and the other competitors who haven’t danced yet as we count down for the vote, and they are all dying. Three votes yes. Yibo abstains. Huang Bo is so prepared for this group to be sent right through that he starts clapping and congratulating them, and Yibo has to be all, “Wait, no. Not yet.” The captains give their reasoning: Jackson says that he felt their power, emotion, speed all deserved full marks. Yibo agrees.

Yibo agrees.

…

...

…

Their faces in response, y’all. Their little WTF faces as he explains that he really just wants to see the other dancers, too. Oh my god, Yibo. You can’t just say that out loud. Are you serious with this, you can’t even make up a thing to fake critique them on? Cut to a later interview with Bobo, who’s been the least able to school his face journey in response to this: “Wang Yibo, I won’t forget.” Also, Bobo says, you’re not even hot. (lol) Joking aside, the group goes on to make all the correct noises about sure, it’s a competition, you face competitors, it’s what happens, because what are you gonna say? Meanwhile, to be completely honest, I’m probably the person who’s been least able to school their face journey in response to this, because come on, Yibo. It’d be one thing if you were making some kind of statement about the way they set this up from the beginning, with all competitors unable to participate, but I’m pretty sure you’re actually doing this to give Chick another chance, because you have been inexplicably all up on his jock since he showed up, what is it about this guy? I don’t get it. At all.

So, we get a callout, and everyone left challenges, of course, because this is probably the last chance. The audience is rooting for Chick. I still don’t get it. Bottle spin ends up on … Zhao Hai Jie, from Team Wallace, who we’ve never yet seen perform. Here’s the thing: If he can win this battle, then he only takes one seat, leaving another two seats available. However, he is NOT going to win this battle, not without ripping off any figleaf of fair competition that the show may have, because he’s just not that great. If he wins, there’s no way around the fact, right in your face, that it’s a strategic vote. He does not win. Four votes for Apple, Lin and Bobo. Sixty seats filled.

HOWEVER, just in case you were worried there may be any integrity here, director Lu Wei comes ambling out to say, hey, you know those rules we have in place? Well, fuck ‘em. Who cares. Let everybody left battle, and whoever wins that battle can have a seat along with the 60 other people. I’m going to translate this one, because despite the limitations of my Level 1 Duolingo Mandarin, I have umpty SYTYCD episode reactions on my LJ and I feel like I’m pretty fluent in Dance Show BS: “We really want to keep somebody who’s left, so there’s going to be some chicanery on our part.” They really do not want Chick to go home, y’all. I know it’s him. It’s super extra obvious they’re desperately trying to save him, at this point. And I am here to tell you that if Chick ends up on this show and Ting goes home, there will be nothing on this earth that could possibly resurrect Chick from the Pit of My Dislike.

Anyway, we get Dai Dai from Team Lay, who describes herself as a fusion dancer and is pretty good for the first 40 seconds or so of her music and then completely loses the thread and kind of falls apart. The captains do not seem impressed. Possibly they also know we’re just killing time until we get to Chick. Up next is Su, who is Very Dramatic. He doesn’t say what team he’s from, but given Wallace’s reactions, I suspect he’s from Team Wallace. I suspect Yibo’s not going to like his face. His performance goes increasingly off the rails as he goes on. He’s got a lot of goodwill from the audience of competitors, but no. This is not a winning performance. And then we get Chick & Long, literally the last to perform. Chick spends the entire time doing A Bit. Long, who anyone barely remembers is even there, does 2/3+ of the dancing. Everyone – everyone – is apparently vastly entertained by Chick, and I just … :hands: Fine. He’s a character, but I have yet to see anything in three episodes, across, like, 7 hours, that lets me see whether he can really dance or not. Yibo literally tells Jackson, “He doesn’t have many tricks, but he’s got a ton of ideas” and later says he’s a B-boy without a power move. Anyway, one vote for Su (Wallace), three votes for Chick and Long. We’re at 62 dancers, and I cannot believe I’m going to be subjected to Chick’s continued clownery when Ting has to go home.

Thank GOD we’re activating the Special Guest Host Powers, the first of which is “REVIVE,” i.e., bring someone back who was eliminated. Yibo is immediately like, omg, the hip-hop group. Then we do Yet Another Bit where the captains cater to Huang Bo so that he’ll take their advice on who to revive, and it goes on too long when we are, my god, two hours and fourteen minutes into this. Meanwhile, Yibo reiterates, the hip-hop group. Yeah, Yibo, this I approve of - if I gotta watch you fall all over yourself over Chick, you need to get Ting back for me. So, we’re finally getting the captains’ actual recommendations: Jackson says the hip-hop group, possibly feeling bad about the fact that he’s the one who spiked their chance the first time around? Yibo is all, me too! Yes! That one! It’s kind of adorable. Also, yes, Yibo, you need to get Ting back for me. Lay says Li Yue and Sha Sha, the white and green snakes. Wallace recommends a popping group that I don’t even know if we saw perform? At any point in the past 7+ hours of three episodes? Wallace, are you high? Anyway, THANK GOD, Huang Bo brings back the X-Crew group. We’re at 67 dancers.

Second Special Guest Host Power is … “battle?” So, we’re setting up Qiang Qi Da Zhan, aka Seven to Smoke, which they’ve apparently done in past seasons? Each captain picks two people – eight total – to participate. Twenty minutes total. Increments of 30 seconds each to battle. And I guess you have to accumulate seven points in various battles. We don’t get to hear the captains’ picks, but I can see that AK Dong is called back for this one. Also, I spot one of the krumpers. (:eyeroll: Really, Lay? Because I know that was you.) We see some clips of this. We see AK Dong get to six points. He … maybe gets his seventh point? Anyway, he says in the last interview clip that he’s here. I guess we officially find out the Seven to Smoke results next ep?

Also next episode: Divided into two groups and battling by genre for the next elimination. Five rounds. Also looks like captains might get a chance to poach from other teams. Also some wacky fuckery with the dancers’ heads that looks like it’s going to be stomping all over my embarrassment squick, argh.

Finally, we get a peek at hotpot, and it sounds like they ended up with 70 dancers, so three people managed to get seven points in Seven to Smoke? And somebody’s mom is apparently coming to hotpot, but I’d have to watch the actual hotpot show to find out whose mom, and we’re out.

[onlyhereforangst]

2020 IN WRITING

tagged by @indestinatus 💕

tagging whoever wants to go thru this journey with me & see their accomplishments in this terrible terrible year!

1. List of works published this year:

Oh god there’s a lot, like 70 total in just 2020. I’ll try to categorize them so this doesn’t get too long 😅but here’s a cut for aesthetic on your dash.

Sequels/Partner Fics: Risk It All (for @hellokaelyn), Finally Home (to Come Back), They Always Do & Could She?, Lucky Day & Completely Yours, Fiery Trance (Two Can Play series), Obsessed (Particular Taste), Soul (to Ignited)

Smut: My Turn (sequel to My Pleasure), Worth It, Maybe We Should, Make it a Double (also a fic request), Shall We (AU)

Fic Requests: Coffee Run, Hold Still, Typical, Deal, Needed It, I’m Home, For Science, Cry Me A River, From Your Dreams (AU), Crystal Clear, Tempt Me, Your Fault, Prove It, Silent Proclamation, A Hundred Suns (angst smut), Duly Noted

Stand Alones: No More, Never Let Her Go, Life is Fragile, Pandemics & Peach Drinks, To Need and Be Needed, Never Let Go, Coming Home, Priceless, Behind The Mask, Need a Hand?

Angst: My Daisy, Status Quo, Can I Stay, I Refuse, Deal

Series/Multi-chaptered: Back Off (Better Apart, Missed The Mark, Change Her Mind, But You Do, Layered Love), Electrified (Don’t Stop (Senorita)), Here By Faith, Forgive & Forget, Angstober ‘20 (Never Has & Never Will, Only In My Head, Long, Long Gone, Do Something, Take Care, Waiting to Burn, Survive the Hell, Find Her, Never Ended Well, At All Costs, One Thing Right, Stay Away, Echoed Back, Smart Man, Not Interested, Flake Again, Release, Slipping Away)

2. Work you are most proud of (and why):

Here By Faith mainly because of the topic. Pregnancy & Infant loss has been such a taboo topic for so long and something I have personal experience with so writing this was very therapeutic. 

3. Work you are least proud of (and why):

Shall We and only because I truly wanted way more plot in this and it turned out to be essentially just straight smut with a tiny bit of plot. But it is what it is 🤷🏻‍♀️

4. A favorite excerpt of your writing:

Ok I had 70 fics to choose from not breaking down chapters so I’m sure I’m missing something, BUT I do love - omg typing this out I realized it’s from a fic in 2019 so I can’t use iiiiiit 😩 ok so here’s a couple excerpts. I loved typing out this stream of conscious partner fics (They Always Do & Could She?):

They Always Do:

Yet this time, this time she didn’t have the chance to rebuild. Like a Trojan horse, he waltzed right up to her and slowly dismantled her defense. Joke by joke, smirk by smirk—Nick took each brick down with care. The worst part? It was so subtle, so thoughtfully done, she didn’t even notice it was happening. Didn’t see her chest being pried open, beating heart on display for him to see, and take. Never realized her greatest defenses were missing until it was too late.

That love- precious, fragile, delicate love- had managed to grow again. In her desolate, cold heart, Nick managed to bring to life an emotion she had long given up on. An emotion she was too afraid to ever feel again. Because with it came agony.

They leave, and you’re abandoned- picking up the pieces of a shattered heart.

When you love, you lose. Always.

Could She?:

But-

Even if that was love, even if he loved Ellie with his whole heart, his entire being. Was that enough? Was Nick enough? Was he deserving?

A resounding no clanged around his skull like a church bell in a Southern town on Sunday morning. He wanted to silence it, stop the shrill metal sound that started any time he pictured forever. Any time he truly thought he might deserve to love, even after all he’d done. After all the unimaginable things he’d done, the horrors he’d seen, the pain he’d caused. That bell sounded, loud and clear.

How did he deserve love when he couldn’t bear to love himself?

[...]

Could she love him despite all his misgivings? Could she love him even when he didn’t love himself? Could she love him when there was a risk he’d be taken from her too soon?

Could she?

Please love me.

But please be sure.

There’s been a couple of other inner monologues that I have absolutely loved (I like to think it’s semi my speciality? But maybe that’s super arrogant of myself?) but that’s a different post for another time.

5. Share or describe a favorite review you received:

I said it recently but I *love* when people pick out specific line(s) from my fic and choose to comment on those. More often than not it’s a line I was so proud of either prose-wise or foreshadowing-wise or whatever and I get literally giddy with excitement that someone not only noticed it but also loved it enough to comment on it 🥰but truly any kind of comment is dopamine-inducing 😉

6. A time when writing was really, really hard:

As some people may have noticed (& maybe not because I did still semi-run the other main ellick blog despite it) I was somewhat absent for most of the summer/fall. I struggled for the first time in my life with mental health issues, borderline depression after being in a shit work environment, an essential worker with a company that claimed to “care” about us, a community that I once loved but showed their true colors in the midst of the pandemic & election, add in a rough pregnancy & it was a recipe for disaster. I didn’t want to even move from the couch most days let alone write. 

7. A scene or character you wrote that surprised you:

I had a lot of fun writing short excerpts from different characters’ perspectives (Jimmy, Kasie, McGee & Gibbs) in my Angstober series & honestly wouldn’t mind doing that again!

8. How did you grow as a writer this year:

Honestly not sure, I think I’ve just generally grown as a writer - better descriptions & descriptors, better dialogue, better plots. But that could all be me seeing things 😂

9. How do you hope to grow next year:

I’d love to look into writing more seriously. My husband is convinced I could write an episode script or a novel, so I may look into trying my hand at that (even though I feel I’d be god-awful at it 😅)

10. Who was your greatest positive influence this year as a writer (could be another writer or beta or cheerleader or muse etc etc):

Hmmmm I always appreciate the support I’ve gotten from the ellick fandom despite it being rough this year for us, wonderful people like @erinchristmaselvis, @thekeyboardninja, @hellokaelyn & @wanna-be-bold are always there to either hear me vent or cheer me on ☺️

11. Anything from your real life show up in your writing this year:

Haaaaah yes. Lots of it (but I bet you can’t tell because I only add mini snippets so have fun finding those easter eggs 😏)

12. Any new wisdom you can share with other writers:

Always, always, always write for YOU. Not for anyone else, the kudos, hits, comments, none of it. Write for YOU. And I say this as a reminder to myself as well, it’s so hard to get bogged down in that dopamine-induced craze we search for in recognition but it’s so important to not externally validate yourself rather internally validate yourself on baby steps of growth & accomplishment. 

13. Any projects you’re looking forward to starting (or finishing) in the new year:

LOL how about all my WIPs? All of those stories I started forever ago that people call me out on not finishing months later when I swear they’ve forgotten about them 😬

14. If you could recommend only one work from yourself published this year:

Hmmmm lemme pick one from each category because I’m indecisive 😉

Sequel/Partner Fics: Lucky Day & Completely Yours (the aaaaangst)

Smut: a tie between Maybe We Should & Make it a Double

Fic Request: A Hundred Suns (because I love me some angst smut)

Stand Alones: Pandemics & Peach Drinks (hahahaha because this was in an Insider news article at the start of the pandemic hahaha so on brand #2020)

Angst: My Daisy (I looooooove this one, but also all of the angst category lol)

Series/Multi-chaptered: literally not one of these is finished and they’re all heavy angst so take your pick 😂

15. Year word count: 103,050 in 2020 which seems like so little 😅

Here’s to 2021 being the year I finish WIPs! she says knowing she’s lying

[millennialdemon]

VK was badly written. The purebloods, esp. Kaname were way too overpowered, and it felt like besides Zero (who is extra special) every other hunter was useless. So many plot holes too, why are there so many level Es running around when there are only like a few purebloods? Are they each turning 100 humans per day? The manga is even worse b/c the author tries to whitewash Kaname's crimes by turning him into a martyr. IMO, some of his actions are even worse than the actual antagonists'. (part 1)

Kaname's actions are worse than Shizuka's, considering she had actual reason to take revenge on Zero's parents since they killed her lover (not saying what she did was right, but at least she didn't do it on a whim). Kaname on the other hand was the one who intentionally released her to go after the Kiryuus, just for the sake of turning Zero into the "ultimate hunter". And to make it worse, he knowingly lets Zero take the blame after he kills Shizuka and takes her power LOL  And among his other actions, Kaname goes around killing random purebloods who didn't even do anything to him. If he truly cared about humans and vampire society, he should have done more to protect the humans, but the whole anime and manga, his entire character just revolved around Yuki, a teenage girl. Its scary to think how someone with so much power is able to abuse it so freely w/o consequences. No wonder even Asato, an aristocrat, wanted to get rid of the purebloods, SMH. (End)

You're Right, and you Should say it!!

To be honest, there is so much badness -- BAD writing, bad framing, bad tone, bad intentions -- in Vampire Knight that I can hardly parse it all and have to watch 2 minutes and stop just to process the new, awful information. Hence it taking 400 years for me to watch just seven episodes, and with barely any commentary...

It's genuinely frustrating to watch a story that presents such atrocities and characters, that then goes on to sympathize with and romanticize the characters that commit those atrocities. It's un-be-lievable! that Zero exists as he does in this narrative, and the framing ISN'T entirely sided with him. Even aside from constant questioning of the logic of the universe and characters, emotionally, I find Vampire Knight to be completely bankrupt. It renders characters I was neutral about into characters that are unforgivable -- Yuki in particular, allowing and forgiving the horrific things vampires did and still do to Zero, as if that is her prerogative?! -- and what criticisms I have of the logistics of such a contrived narrative are drowned out by the constant question of what the point of the suffering even is, when Cross just goes chibi x3 and insists Zero just get over his ~vampire reverse-racism~ a few minutes after he tries to kill himself because of trauma caused by vampires. 

The mundane cruelty of it all. I'm not against tragedies, but Vampire Knight doesn't treat itself as the tragedy that it is. If it did, Kaname would be a bonafide antagonist, and so would Cross. Because they are complicit in tremendous human suffering, if it serves their needs, even if they think they are noble (they are not, ha!). And so would Yuki, if she followed the current trajectory of loving Kaname regardless of the things he does and says to the people she supposedly also cares about. But that's not the case in Vampire Knight -- instead Kaname is an ~enigmatic bishie~ and Cross is righteous in his decision to take in a boy whose family was killed by vampires as a sick experiment in seeing if even someone who went through what Zero did can "see the light" and Live Peacefully With Vampires, and Yuki pointlessly angsts about Kaname maybe being kind of not great, but then deciding no, I'm wrong, Kaname is amazing and I love him anyway!

LIKE... SAY SIKE RIGHT NOW..

Additional commentary from my dear friend Nessa who knows a lot more about Vampire Knight than I do, because she’s big and strong and somehow watched the whole thing: 

they're right and what upsets me most about kaname is the don draper affect - how he can go around doing these objectively terrible things and still be defended by the author and fanbase when, if he were less attractive, they'd all turn on him. if he looked like asato ichijou when he confessed to orchestrating the kiryuu parent's murder or when he went on a pureblood killing spree than people would hate him. and everything kaname canonically is responsible for is ignored/downplayed by the author and fandom because of literally informed character traits.

yuki's got the worst case of protagonist centered morality I've ever seen and the audience follows her cues, so it doesn't matter that kaname is as bad as sara, shizuka, rido because he's got a 'tragic backstory'. which isn't even that tragic when you consider that the real kaname kuran died as an infant because of rido and that the fake kaname is an ancestor of the kuran family who lived a full life and loved another woman before he met yuki

the story tries to compare his story with zero's because they both lost their 'parents' but it's not even applicable because those weren't his parents. kaname is at least ten thousand at the end of the last arc before he throws his heart in the furnace and people still act like he's a minor. he was always an adult living in a child's body and he developed the same fixation that rido had for juuri for yuki. he's no better than him tbh, I don't know about the new reawakened kaname yet but holding the regular kaname accountable? he went on a killing spree to 'cleanse the world' for yuki and he planned the murder of her best friend's parents. he kept her in his house and didn't let her see yori or the chairman and only let her out when it was time to make a political appearance. the best thing he ever did for her was throw his heart into the furnace.

[the-busy-ghost]

TSP S02E06 Thoughts

Ok I’m late to the party today so I assume everyone has commented on most of this already and therefore I was just going to quickly sum up any other observations. But I’m only twenty minutes in and I already have SO MANY THOUGHTS

- Apparently Cardinal Wolsey is not allowed to speak to anyone now and if he does this is Suspicious. But since Katherine isn’t exactly talking to her daughter either, tbh Henry is actually quite fair to be all ‘Why would you care’.

- When Henry gets all bitchy towards Wolsey re: the chancellorship, both Wolsey and Katherine’s poker faces should be a reaction image. 

- Poor Mary at least she has Margaret Pole

- Ok I would love to go back in time and save all the historical infants from an early death if I could but I STILL don’t understand how the Duke of Ross is still alive. Poor kid should have left the scene six years earlier. AND STILL NO MARGARET DOUGLAS. While I’d like to be hopeful and assume that @glorianas hatesex idea is going to pan out, tbh with the way they’re developing Angus’ character I worry this will be another badly handled r*pe scene, IF they bother to add Margaret Douglas’ birth in at all.

- Smol James is Smol. I would die for all of the children in this show. Protect them at all costs.

- But anyway who tf is ‘Hal’ Stewart. I might be wrong (I haven’t read every source ever) but tbh ‘Hal’ is not a common abbreviation of Henry in Scotland- Harry (Harrie) is much more common as a form of Henry, and is indeed the nickname that Margaret’s third husband was commonly known by. Sadly, ‘Hal’ just makes me want to snigger and make ‘England and St George’ type speeches (though even in that line, tbh, it’s Harry not Hal). “Hal Stewart” sounds like he should have a handlebar moustache and say ‘jolly good’ and fly spitfires. Or like he’s the descendant of expat Scots living in Canada. 

- I would be a lot more surprised that Angus is sneaking in and out of places if you weren’t all literally living in a very open house which would be very difficult to defend, I mean what do you expect to happen if you have obvious enemies, very few attendants, and you park yourself in HOLYROOD PALACE

- Cut it off Meg

- Oh wait so YOU’RE not safe there and your own children aren’t safe there but you’re perfectly happy just leaving James IV’s kids there? I should say ‘kid’ singular but I think we’re past waiting for the TSP writers to use google and realise that all of James IV’s other children are over the age of eighteen by 1520. But if Margaret DID have custody of them (which seems unlikely) she’s just dumped a young girl (maybe nine years old? We don’t know but that’s my guess) in a palace with her apparently shitty ex-husband and buggered off up to Edinburgh. Agnes Stewart come pick up your daughter please, don’t leave her here, or at least send your niece back to do it since she already knows the way

- Why are they even including so many offhand remarks bout James IV’s kids so much at all if they plainly don’t know anything about them? Is this ever going to be relevant to the plot? Or did they just want to have them in the first episode to show how ‘hard done by’ Margaret is but then realised they couldn’t just ditch them without losing the audience’s sympathy for her.

- Margaret getting the conveniently placed big old book on marriage law down from the shelf (every household should have one)- but really Meg, you must have seen enough shady divorces in 16th century Scotland to know the name of a good lawyer who could do this for you

- Once again though, does Angus have NO kinsmen or retainers any more? Or was he just cutting about the Canongate on his day off from Being Evil and thought ‘I’ll go check in on the wife then shall I, she’ll have Drink which is also now something I am to be associated with’

- I am LOVING the blatantly Georgian architecture at the gates to a very disappointing Field of the Cloth of Gold. Really TSP should have just gone full Reign and embraced its inaccuracies to make a fun teen show with a load of ridiculous modern dresses, would have been more bearable than this

- I would like to address however, the fact that this show has been going on about how terrible it is for princesses to be married off to older men all season, but what are we now supposed to root for four-year-old Mary to be betrothed to the much older HRE, rather than the dauphin who is MUCH closer in age? Can the writers make their minds up? Who are we supposed to think is in the right?

- Wee Mary’s face when Katherine spoke to her for the first time- that’s probably the first time the kid has ever heard the fancy queen lady actually talk to her though, so I’m not surprised but genuinely it was quite funny.

- Someone save this child please.

- IS THAT CHARLES V- WHY IS CHARLES V HERE?? GOD IT IS JUST UNINVITED GUESTS GALORE THIS EPISODE

- Also I may be wrong but I’m pretty sure he can’t just ride across France to get to the English Pale with only a couple of attendants and w/o a safe conduct or any other notification that he’s coming? This is just Margaret Tudor riding unattended through the Borders all over again.

- Gotta love Katherine just producing him out of nowhere though, the writers really do not care about the holes they dig themselves into but the implication that Katherine can just summon emperors whenever she likes is fantastic (does she keep him in a box??)

- Katherine about the horse- “He’s trained to kill a man with a single kick”. Don’t even hesitate Guerrero, you have four legs and there’s apparently three sixteenth century kings in the area, go to town

- Charles V just buggering off again, fading into the background like he was just Katherine’s own personal imperial amazon delivery man

- Have they decided to have the Evil May Day in 1520? Why?

- *Henry and Francis approach* *Theme from the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly plays*

- FUCK WOLSEY’S DAVID ATTENBOROUGH NARRATION REALLY MADE ME LAUGH, CHRIST I THINK I BROKE SOMETHING

“What a magnificent sight, two kings meeting for the first time, this rare species, almost never seen in daylight, both approach the watering hole...”

TBH I think their coordinated bow should also have had some narration Wolsey, if you really want Attenborough’s job after him. But it’s even funnier because they both genuinely looked so awkward stepping slowly towards each other, I just can’t

- Henry’s been buying his crowns from the same Burger King Autumn Range as Chris Pine in Outlaw King I see

- FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT PLEASE BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF EACH OTHER I GENUINELY THINK THAT WOULD BE FUNNY I HAVE SEEN POSH BOYS FIGHTING THEY’RE TERRIBLE BUT IT’S REALLY FUNNY

- Pfft Wolsey’s evident panic is funny but I would like to copyright Stafford’s little eyebrow twitch where he’s obviously thinking ‘Let me hold your coat Henry’

- Katherine of Aragon following at a slower pace while Claude gives her a sideways glance is also mildly amusing, like KOA could not look less bothered. I know the wrestling was historically accurate but honestly Henry and Francis being all aggressive like they’re actually willing to kill each other when I bet they just get outside and hug weirdly is probably going to be hilarious.

- Once again Maggie, please take that child and RUN

- I was right, it IS funny.  Please Wolsey we need more Attenborough narration for this fight.

- Everyone standing around occasionally clapping awkwardly and looking vaguely unimpressed is like what would have happened in Bridget Jones if Hugh Grant and Colin Firth’s fight scene wasn’t soundtracked.

- Yeah so the wrestling was accurate but tbh I’m not sure that Henry staggering out of the ring looking like James II right before a stabbing is. In my experience if a ginger monarch in tights is wearing that expression you run, no matter who you are. 

[wo-wann-was-wer]

EPISODE 5:

I'm so sad Regina got buried in the woods

these fucking comparison shots are amazing

someone just tried to text me and I low-key flipped out because I was like you need to leave me the fuck alone

What if he just took her jacket and was like this is mine bitch

Katharina looks so dope with glasses

I'm so into her being the rock of this family by the way which I was never surprised by because women have the strength of 6 million men but

we've literally never seen Charlotte and her dad interact (like for reals)

That's one of the problems of this show is that some relationships fell by the wayside and I'm not a fan of that

did Charlotte drop herself off on the stoop

That's Tannhaus baby is somewhere because they never found the body of that infant so that infant is somebody.

yeah I literally can't imagine finding something like this out I'd lose my fucking mind

"who am I?" "I don't know" wow that's a fuck of a thing

Wow Claudia from the other universe That's fucking me up

Also what if Claudia from the other universe is the fucking bitch who has been fucking with us this whole time AKA the white devil

Also when are we going to see Noah again because I need to see Elisabeth and Noah together falling in love because I stan

worried about her Please tell us what happened to her I'm concerned

This actress has to be at least partially deaf and or hard of hearing because number one her ASL is fluent and she even emotes some words right? Idk

I do not trust this other Claudia as far as I could fucking throw her

This show is like the debate between Democrats and Republicans every fucking party is trying to convince everybody else that they are the ones that's trying to save the world and both of them behind closed doors are like all right how do we fuck the people in the asshole

I can't help wondering if this wouldn't have happened if we understood the half-lives of radioactive materials

so is all of this coming back to 1986 Is that the the origin time

And then do what What are you going to do with fucking 250 radioactive barrels The fuck you talking about

The scratches on the other side of her face and I don't know why it's on the other side of her face but it's on the other side of her face and it's concerning me

does that mean something's going to go different like

Jonas is out here like why did the adults lie to me

Oh my God after three seasons he's finally realizing not to listen to other people good boy

Oh Peter and Charlotte bonded over having fucked up families

Peter's mom is dead and he didn't know who his father was

Also babies

Also the way that he embodies Peter is fucking insane

I'm so into Charlotte with this curly hair

Oh my God who is this

Elisabeth run baby girl. too late. we've gone this long without sexual assault if they touch this child I'm going to lose my damn mind

Peter is going to kill this man

Elizabeth kill him Peter kill him if Peter dies is the hands of this dude I'm going to lose my fucking mind get back from my baby get back from my fucking cinnamon roll I'm going to kill you Elizabeth stab him the back stab him the back Elizabeth your daddy has a knife at his neck NOOOO PETER NOOOOOOOOOO NOOOOO FUCK

I literally will never forgive them for killing Peter why are the dopplers the most important and most tragic family

he never did anything to anybody

Katharina please kill your abusive mother She deserves it

everybody on this show is super into bludgeoning nobody likes shoots anybody else everybody fucking bludgeons everybody

No can I watch this abusive fucking bitch is going to hit you No Don't let her kill you Don't let her kill you

Is Katharina dead why are they taking my favorite people

she doesn't even get justice for how her mom treats her it's not fair. and now Ulrich is still stuck inside the asylum

oh thank God Noah is here because I was so worried about my baby

Wait what is going on. Oh Jonas has never died before This is exciting

oh wait there's only one Jonas damnit

EPISODE 6:

Even though it's not working for everyone I do really love the 1888 look on Jonas

I did not expect that Aleksander was going to tell Bartosz about his real identity

This shit is so uncomfortable.

Ulrich needs a real stop telling the women that he's fucking to stop coming to his household

It's like the penny traveled through time GASPPPPPPP

Jonas What the fuck did you come from

all my fucking pussy friends are bothering me from finishing this show YALL GOT STUPID PROBLEMS STAND UP FOR YOURSELF AND THEN THIS WONT HAPPEN

I'm going to say this every single time he's on screen but this beard is too good

I think that bartosz may be the most scorned member of this entire group he never gets any pussy and it's so sad

I'm super over this really creepy really ugly fucking dude I want him to leave I also kind of don't believe that he's the child of Martha and Jonas

Oh I absolutely love love love them holding hands and then going back to a shot of them holding hands as kids

why are they such a good couple I really like them but I also always have

I'm not super sure I understand why they had to leave bartosz behind

I don't trust a single of these fucking adults I'm just any of them including themselves when they become adults

This is like a suicide squad. This is the weirdest collection of people What is this team. What are they doing. since when are these people are working together. omg

Oh shit a child born of both worlds takes both worlds energies to destroy it. But that's what causes the apocalypse

Well this is super fucked up

everything that's happening in this final montage sequence is bad news

all of it

why do I Stan Noah and Elisabeth so much

omg Hannah is giving birth is NOW the time

wow this is a lot

EPISODE 7:

our perspective is what makes definitive reality

I'm confused about the gravestone that says Charlotte on it

Also yes give me more Elizabeth and Noah please please please

This is absolutely crazier than any shit doc Brown ever did But he was also trying to build a time machine in the 1890s so that's fun

Oh is this how he gets all the fucking scars

My goodness what is happening What is going to happen I'm getting stressed.

There's only two episodes left I feel like they're not answering my questions I'm worried

What happened to wöller

What is silja doing here

This is bullshit she's like drawing him in

Oh that's a surprise so silja is a tiedemann

why is it always like I feel like I know what's happening and then around episode 6 or 7 I just completely lose the plot

oh wow Jonas almost straight up died but Noah saved him

‘you can't die’ points a gun at him

Oh my God you can't kill yourself because you've already grown

oop well after that birth happened I had to take about 5 minutes to pause my brain and factor that in

yo I knew Tannhaus was going to figure in fucking more than he did

Is he the one who builds the cage

does this seem like a good idea or does this seem like a bad idea

shooting yourself What do you think that feels like

everybody's on a different team there are too many teams It went from like a presidential race to a March madness bracket There's so many fucking people involved everybody's got their own goddamn plan

folks I just want to emphasize here that we have an episode and a half to tie all this up

Oh shit universe A Claudia infiltrated universe B Claudia

I love what they did with the place after the fire It looks really nice It's a different vibe but it's good

so Eve made the plans for the machine

Wait what She died. 

I can't believe that Elizabeth and Charlotte have to be the ones to drop off Charlotte as an orphan

Oh noooooooooooo Jonas didn't do it!!!!

Oh my God don't make me feel sympathy for Hannah

he looks so fucked up 

bye hannah we won't miss you

but also hate leaving a child without their parents

Tell us what's on the last page and tell us what happened to woller's eye

All right now we're seeing how everybody got to where they were like the first fucking time

I love this walk down memory lane it's literally just the stylized recap of the show right before the final episode which is 10/10

watch your face girl

too late

Omg what does this mean 

THE FINALE:

This show is just Claudia Tiedemann Lurking: the TV show

Also the bullshit that he had to live through all of this in order to get to the end makes me really sad

yeah wait who's the fucking father of Regina

been way too sucked in

also. WE LOVE TO SEE A TIME TRAVEL TACKLE

WAS THIS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL DAY IN STUTTGART

How many times are going to burn this place down

how many versions of this fucking machine do they have they're always like oh God we don't have a way here or there FUCKING LIARS

I can't believe that the thesis of this show is teenage hormones cause the apocalypse

Adam and Eve are such fucking children it's so stupid. 

reunion nnnnnnnnnnn

Oh shit he fucked up your plan huh

No I don't want it to end

I wish everybody didn't cry so much everybody so sad all the time

yup what in the actual fuck is happening

yo this is fucking wild

these baby Martha and Jonas are so cute

Not sure where we're going with this folks what's happening here wrap it up shit

I'm really obsessed with this golden snitch

It's just making me so sad

oh they're becoming stardust together

this is a weird cover but I'll take it

everything is going back to normal

but without Jonas and Martha and Claudia

if they don't tell us what happened to his eye I'm gonna flip out

I CAME HERE TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED TO WOLLER’S EYE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

Also what does this ending line mean its stressing me out

Well thats it. Three years of my life. Damn

[medea10]

My Review of Kaguya-sama: Love is War

How did I get into this anime? It was about time to do it as this was one of the best animes to come from the winter 2019 anime line-up (after Dororo and The Promised Neverland). Now let’s hit…

Hold it Medea! Weren’t you supposed to review Darker Than Black for your Aniplex pick?

Ah, yes…THAT anime. I watched it. I finished it. It was a mind-fuck. I bailed on the review. And while I’m at it, I’m also not reviewing Psycho Pass 3, Violet Evergarden, or A Certain Scientific Accelerator. Onto Kaguya-sama!

Shuchiin Academy, once a school for students that are well-off financially. Nowadays, it’s still that, but even commoners can attend. And one such student is a boy by the name of Miyuki Shirogane, who in just his first year managed to obtain the top spot at the school with the position of Student Council President.  By his side is his vice president, Kaguya Shinomiya. This girl comes from extreme wealth and excels in many fields including art and music. The students here revere these two as being the best of the best. And also…they make a great couple!

Pump the brakes here, pal. These two are NOT a couple. As a matter of fact, both characters end up playing 3D chess in their brains to try and take the other person down with mind games if even the slightest topic involving love is brought up. Both Kaguya and Miyuki already have feelings for the other, they just won’t admit it. The first person to admit love will be considered the loser in this war. And both of these characters are stubborn to the point of…oh my god!

THESE TWO ARE TSUNDERES! I’ve seen animes where only one person is the tsundere in the couple. But what happens when they’re BOTH tsunderes? Well…it took over 20 episodes for Taiga on Toradora. It took over 4 seasons for Louise on Familiar of Zero. But those two animes had only ONE tsundere. This anime has TWO. We might be here for a while!

Well, let’s watch who wins and who loses in the game (or war) of love!

BETWEEN THE SUB AND THE DUB: Aniplex of America has a good grip on this anime as they have managed to license the second season before it has aired. Much to my dismay, this anime has not received an English dub. Aniplex of America has released the blu-ray last month ($100+ shipping and handling), but only with Japanese audio/English subtitles. Okay.

Now IF they decide to come back in a few years and dub this series, I have a few thoughts. And don’t say it’ll never happen. FUNimation and Sentai are guilty as fuck of releasing a series with no dub and two years later dropping a dub release just so they can grab extra dough.

I HAVEN’T FORGOTTEN NICHIJOU YOU GRIFTING CRAP-WEASELS!

Anyways, if they decide to do this, I want R. Bruce Elliott to voice the narrator. I don’t give a shit about the rest of the cast, I just want that for the narrator! That’s just my take on that matter. I know this would NEVER happen unless Elliott ends up in L.A. for a few sessions (as he’s mostly stationed in Texas). It’s just that he’s the best person to play a narrator in just about anything. Don’t believe me? Watch Space Dandy and Sgt. Frog and get back to me!

Oh! And just my luck, FUNimation plans on giving this series an English dub. Though it’ll be a while before we see anything due to COVID-19 mess! No rush, take your time. Rest up. Consider R. Bruce Elliot as the narrator. And we’ll see you after we get off quarantine!

The sub version consists of a lot of newer, yet familiar voices. As for Kaguya’s seiyuu (Aoi Koga), this is my first time hearing her voice and so far I’m impressed. I’m also impressed with an anime to have several tsunderes and no sign of Rie Kugimiya, the QUEEN of tsundere anime characters. That shows great dedication, but if she ends up in season two, I’m gonna scream. Here’s what you might recognize these folks from.

*Kaguya is played by Aoi Koga

*Miyuki is played by Makoto Furukawa (known for Saitama on One Punch Man, Hatsuharu on Fruits Basket 2019, and Banri on Golden Time)

*Chika is played by Konomi Kohara (known for Miu on Domestic Girlfriend, Fizel on SAO: Alicization, and Kai on Hitoribocchi)

*Yuu is played by Ryouta Suzuki (known for Ryouhei on Tsurune)

FAVORITE CHARACTER: Chika. Chika. Chika. Chika. Chika. And did I mention Chika?

Best girl!

SPEAKING OF CHIKA: I found an infectious little song in the form of an ending theme! For one episode, we got an ending theme song featuring Chika.

Chikatto Chika Chikaa♡! I just love it! This should win an award or something!

*several months later*

Thank you Crunchyroll Awards!

Seriously, this ED as well as the OP theme are just so infectious that I constantly go back to replay these two songs whenever I take a break from replaying Black Clover themes (no joke, I love Black Clover themes). The first ending is fine. It’s just that Chika’s special ED was so addicting that I had to mention it once, twice, or more!

SHIPPING: It’s pretty obvious to see that Kaguya and Miyuki are mad for each other. But there are several obstacles in their way. For one thing this is sort of their first love, so approaching this subject is very new. Secondly, both of them are dead-set on the fact that love is a war full of wins and losses. Both Kaguya and Miyuki play these mind-games when something mundane happens like a personality quiz or a weekend activity. They try to trap the other person into saying something embarrassing or admitting to something. Even though it’s so crystal clear that they both are romantically interested in each other!

However, I’m pretty sure Kaguya has lost more battles than Miyuki due to the infamous sick day episode. Sick Kaguya is pretty ballsy getting Miyuki to lay in bed with her.

FUNNIEST MOMENT: You can blame this on the fact that I’m absolutely immature and have the mind of an 8 year old. But there was a moment in mid-season where Chika learns of a specific quirk about Kaguya. Because Kaguya was suppressed when it came to matters of phrases and naughty words, she still finds the word “wiener” utterly hilarious. And so during this whole segment, you’ve got Chika continuously saying the word “wiener”. Then, she goes the extra mile to have other members of the student council like Miyuki and Yuu to say the word. And Kaguya is trying to prevent them from saying it until we just get a barrage of “wieners” and hysterical laughter. I gotta admit that it was one of the funniest moments in this series.

ENDING: A few episodes before the finale, a monumentous moment occurred. Kaguya got sick.

Just go with it!

Whenever Kaguya gets sick, her mind goes into a complete stupor. Her mind is almost that of an infant or small child and once she’s better, she will not remember a single thing that happened. And Miyuki was the poor sap to check on her during that sick day! I’ll cut to the chase and say what went down.

She opens her bed covers and drags Miyuki into bed with her. Now before your mind jumps in the trash, they remained fully clothed…although they both did fall asleep. So, they slept together. Just no intercourse! This kinda lead to a major fight involving a cake, an apology, and a cute moment where Kaguya touches his lip!

Hey, a girl who’s been sexually suppressed her whole life, this is like first base here.

I feel that was a bit of a breaking point to bring up on a count of a lot of the mind games stopped temporarily. Probably because the last two episodes of the season involved summer break! By the looks of it, Chika was having a blast eating so much and Yuu is doing his usual gaming stuff. All the while, Kaguya and Miyuki didn’t really do much during their break. But they promised to all meet up one day to see the fireworks. Unfortunately, that serves to be a daunting task for Kaguya as she’s been heavily sheltered her entire life. Her family (especially her father) never let her do things normal kids take for granted including going out with friends or even walking to school.

In fact, Kaguya’s plans of meeting up with Chika and others to go shopping were cancelled due to Kaguya’s father calling her to the main house…for literally nothing. Add to that, the family saw it in THEIR best interest to not allow Kaguya to leave the house to see the fireworks with her friends. But Kaguya decided to defy those orders! She gets her servant Hayasaka to disguise as her if any other servants come in and escaped her house. Yuu, Chika, and Miyuki were all in an agreement to save Kaguya…just not on the same wavelength. Kaguya on her own ended up missing the firework show. But once Miyuki found her, he took her and they went on a small adventure to another prefecture to see another firework show. But it could be cutting it close due to traffic and the show was reaching its end. Thankfully, they made it! Kaguya was finally able to see the fireworks with her friends.

It’s just that Kaguya didn’t pay attention to the firework show…she stared at Miyuki the whole time!

In the final segment of episode 12, Kaguya and Miyuki kinda realized how dorky they were the night of the firework show. Kaguya let her guard down so many times that night and spent the entire firework show staring at Miyuki. Meanwhile, Miyuki thought he sounded stupid when he took Kaguya to the show. We get one final mind-game between these two until it ended with Miyuki almost saying something and Kaguya chases him down while the end credits play on in the background.

Will either one of them say how they truly feel about the other? Who will win? Who will lose?

…Guess we’ll find out in a few days when season two airs!

This was an entertaining anime! It’s like if Death Note were a rom-com instead of a thriller. Both Kaguya and Miyuki have a similar mind-set to Light Yagami when it comes to the game of love. They both have the hots for each other and both refuse to admit it first. But thanks to key moments including Kaguya’s sickness and the firework saga, there’s been definite progress with these two letting their guards down. But they’ve got a long way to go! I mean, these two are major tsunderes meaning they’re going to suppress their wants and desires with the opposite sex with these ridiculous mind-games. So…we might be here for a while before any one of them admits their feelings. But I say give it a watch! It’s not that long of a series and it’s still fairly new so it’s still open for more sequels and side-projects before losing its luster.

Currently, this anime is available for streaming on Hulu, Crunchyroll, and FUNimation.

And stay tuned for the second season exclusively available on FUNima…You guys are really pissing me off with your exclusivity!

Okay, I managed to finish this baby up quite quick. What’s the next Aniplex title I’m going to watch?

Picture it, Medea. Osmosis Jones but…

Cells at Work?

That’s great. I’m also not reviewing this one. I have my own reasons for not reviewing this. So let’s hit the randomizer button again because as of this date, I finished Cells at Work.

Lord El-Melloi…I’M NOT READING ALL THAT SHIT! Sum it up quickly!

It’s Fate, but with Waver Velvet.

Jesus “Tap Dancing” Christ, it’s another Fate series! I’m not reviewing anything Fate! It’s a cluster-fuck of a series! Don’t get me wrong, I love Fate/Zero and Unlimited Blade Works as much as the next dip-shit, but the franchise is a pile of cluster bombs and I can’t make heads or tails of any of this. Regardless, I finished that hot mess as well.

Okay you picky-ass bitch, how about the best animated anime of the 2010’s?

Demon Slayer!

Now that’s more like it! But I will still fight to the death that best animated goes to Violet Evergarden!

[eisforeidolon]

Episode: Ouroboros

Ouroboros is a fitting title for this episode.  Not because it has a snake-creature.  Not because of the symbolism of unity or the cycle of life and death.  No, in the sense that it's such a clear, contained example of how Dabbernatural is eating itself to death through the writers' absolute incompetence at telling a compelling, coherent story.  Or perhaps it’s in the sense of being a never-ending circle of making the same exact mistake over again: Supernatural is the Winchesters' story; making them incompetent fools to highlight your nonentity OCs is always going to read badly to a large portion of your audience.

It starts out okay.  The previously seems really overlong here and I do have to wonder if they think our memories of what’s previously happened are as shit as theirs.  The episode itself, however, begins well enough with a mysterious cold open involving a MotW who has really creepy new powers.  Okay, cool!  

Except instead of actually being hunted by Sam and Dean, literally everybody is along on this fucking hunt. Remember when Sam and Dean were allowed to be competent enough to track and kill a MotW themselves, because the writers knew they were meant to be clever, resourceful, and good at their job?  Best hunters in the world?  LOL. 

Now not only do they have to drag Castiel and Jack along, fucking Rowena has joined the Hunters R Us club.  Like, I love Rowena, but COME ON.  Which doesn't even address how later in the episode, Sam can't even do his own fucking research – they call it out to fucking Maggie!  Then Sam & Dean and Jack & Cas ALL get their asses absolutely handed to them … by some random one off MotW that we're not told any reason to expect has major fighting skills.  Unlike all the things they've beaten which literally did.  COME THE FUCK ON. 

What do the Winchesters actually get to accomplish in this episode of their own goddamn show other than exist onscreen to con us into watching the Dabbernatural Gary Stu drama hour? 

Blah blah blah, interlude of characters reminding us about Dean having Michael in his head interspersed with oh no, poor sad beige woobie still has magic consumption.  [Insert totes concerned hand-wringing here, or don't, because LOL, so over it.]  The most charitable thing I can say about it is that presumably Dean talks to Castiel about the box plan again here because Castiel will actually go through with it, unlike Sam. 

Also, I'm not a vet or any kind of medical professional, but when they needed to get some antivenom, my immediate thought was, “Wait, what kind?”  I figured maybe I was wrong because surely the writers would do the bare minimum of research, but apparently not, as Wikipedia does seem to corroborate that “the specific antivenom needed depends on the species involved”.  Pretty sure that their local vet's office doesn't have Gorgon antivenom.  Even if Rowena’s magic is involved, if she can just make it magically the right thing, why on Earth would they actually even need any kind of antivenom in the first place?  Or not at least talk about getting a specific kind so it doesn’t look like they’ve got no idea what they’re on about?  As such, I can’t see this as anything but the writers yet again not bothering to put in the basic minimum of care to explain how this thing that obviously shouldn't work will now work for reasons.

I did genuinely like Sam and Rowena's playacting in the vet office, that was great!  Even Jack getting turned into a dog to lift the non-magical magical cure-all antivenom was fun. As well as Rowena chiding Sam about how what they're doing with Jack is doing exactly what she would – as she was until recently a villain. (Although again, putting aside why, if Rowena is their fucking hunting buddy buddy now, why exactly they aren't telling her what's up with Jack.  Seriously, why?)  Unsurprising that what I think actually works briefly in this episode is the character interactions powered by the skill and charisma of the actors, not anything the writers are doing.

Which brings us back to what Dabb didn't learn from Wayward: making the Winchesters (and Cas) entirely incompetent and helpless to facilitate ludicrously endowed super!kids like Jack stealing the show is insulting enough when it happens with the Gorgon, but it is straight out infuriating as the end of the whole AU!Michael arc.  Seriously, I do not get this fetish of his.

Before getting more into that, as an aside, does it matter if Cas can breathe?  I don't mean that in a “Die, Cas, die!” way, either.  I mean, he's literally an angel in a human suit, even if he's paralyzed by the thing's venom (which I'll accept that the creature can't see him but its venom still works on him because the body is more or less human {sort of, considering it's been turned into a specially constructed vessel made to break all the angel rules for reasons [to not have a supposed good guy holding a human soul permanently hostage and that whole dumb special-vessels-lol-what Lucifer interlude]}) does it really matter? Especially in that moment?  Like, if he's angel enough that the monster can't see him, he should be angel enough that mundane damage to a vessel should be nothing more than an inconvenience.  Castiel is exactly as human or angels as the writers need in at any given second. 

Speaking of which - Jack freaking out over it is another instance where he's dumb as an infant or competent as a trained adult from second-to-fucking-second to facilitate what passes for a plot, because Dabb & Co. apparently got bored and decided they'd rather go back to another round of What's Wrong With Jack, You Should Totally Care! rather than actually write a coherent story around AU!Michael.  This infant/adult thing comes up again during the conversation with Cas about humans ultimately dying where Jack suddenly doesn't get death.  Even though we had that whole. long. thing. about Jack wanting to know about his mother and talking to that therapist and her parents about her and seeing her in heaven?  Yet now we're back to LOL what is death??  Maybe angels or part angels are literally incapable of learning anything.  It would explain a lot about both Jack and Cas in recent years. 

Also, I take back the points I mentally rewarded at the beginning of the episode for actually involving a new monster taken from mythology.  It was at this point when we see that Jack kept the snake that I recalled spoilers about what happens to it and I became suspicious that literally the only reason they went to the trouble was to give Jack a pet that wasn’t cuddly enough that the audience would turn on him if he does something to it.  I don’t mind planning ahead, but when the monster hunt was such a manufactured clusterfuck of stupid and the ultimate purpose of it seems this transparent?  Sigh.

Oh noes, what if Dean doesn't wake up!? Well, for one thing, he'd be spared continuing to exist in this shitty parody of the SPN universe, so, I'm kinda thinking that might actually be a win...

Speaking of the writers just railroading the characters in random directions to get wherever they want to go regardless?  Cas's ability to heal is useless again, because of course it is.  Somehow a physical head wound is complicated by archangel possession, because sure, why the fuck not? Remember when angel powers weren't a fucking joke, as useful as a knife without the blade?  Honestly, I might even accept that another angel was unable to do anything to a human who was playing vessel to a different angel if this wasn’t just one more in a string of so. fucking. many. instances of angel powers transparently and ludicrously existing or not exactly where the “plot” decrees they do.

Likewise, Rowena, the totally most powerful witch ever?  Shrug, she can do nothing.  Except, it turns out, get handed an idiot ball to make this railroading keep going on the same dumb track.  Welcome to the club, Rowena, enjoy being half as competent as ever you were (or less!) now that you're an ally.  Again, vessel rules?  What vessel rules?  Any old archangel can just pop into any old person they want to, don'tchaknow?  Not to mention how goddamn fucking stupid Rowena would have to be to let Michael in so he “doesn't harm anyone in the bunker”.  Are you fucking kidding me?  The only thing letting him possess her is going to do is give him immediate faster access inside the bunker without any chance to prepare for his attempting to kill all the people he definitely intends to kill.  Not to mention that they turned Rowena from completely self-involved to brainlessly selfless in this episode, suddenly, because because as if nothing exists in-between.  This literally happens because the show decided it was bored and uninterested in Michael after half-heartedly playing with the character for half a season so it chopped everyone's brains out, including their own, to make him go away.  I just cannot see any other explanation for Rowena both being that dead stupid and conveniently being able to house Michael. 

The only worthwhile thing in this episode is the good riddance to bad rubbish of all the AU!hunters in the bunker finally getting wiped out.  That the show actually expects me to be in any way upset by a bunch of people who don't even fucking have names and just keep milling around in the background taking up space biting it?  Aside, from, of course, another Dabbernatural-style cardboard sue like Maggie who went from not even knowing how to hold a weapon to being the goddamn leader in a handful of episodes?  Presumably because the Winchesters are?  Yeah, no.

Even though when he actually had his powers it wasn't a foregone conclusion that Jack could effectively take on Michael?  Now that Jack doesn't have his powers, suddenly he can burn up his soul and just completely overpower Michael with the total McGuffiness of his existence for reasons.  If doing that is so powerful, and we’re stuck with this retcon about divisible souls, why can’t any old angel just burn out their vessel’s soul to get super-powered magic?  If the powers that any individual or item has have no logical consistency, and every new idea that pops into what passes for the writer’s brains is introduced as TEH MOST POWERFUL EVAH?  No conflict over supernatural powers in this show can have any legitimate narrative weight.  If the audience can’t adequately gauge the threat, it all becomes a muddle of random events that happen rather than a coherent story we can actually invest in caring about.

Look, I’m not saying that no Supernatural plot before the current era was resolved by McGuffins or random powers.  The issue here is the general issue with their use in Dabb’s era.  Jack doesn't have to work for it.  He doesn't have to figure out some complicated way to boost his powers to make it work against the most powerful archangel.   There’s no buildup for us to invest in.   There’s no sense of the characters actually working at an obstacle and earning a victory.  He's just suddenly handed this level of power to make it happen right now, at this arbitrary moment, because the show decided it was done with this arc now and could not be fucking bothered.  It makes no sense with anything we’ve been shown about the characters' powers, it makes no sense for the story actually feeling like the characters are meaningfully accomplishing anything by their legitimate merits.  It sure as fuck makes no sense for the lore.  That whole thing with Billy's books they've been harping on and on about as TEH ONLY WAY?  Which Rowena even calls back to this episode?  Nah, nevermind, tossed out the fucking window without even a goddamn handwave.  

Seriously, the Michael arc is not resolved here because the Winchesters outsmarted destiny again, or that they found some way to cleverly subvert it.  It’s not even that they worked to find a solution and finally the work paid off by them coming across something suspiciously perfect.  It’s that they waffled around for several episodes being dramatic and making literally no progress until Dabb & Co. arbitrarily and literally handed the power to end the arc to their pet joke fake!Winchester “son” because they did not care.  And yet they expect us in the audience to continue to care, even though I can not think of any other development in any other professional media I have ever consumed that was as unsatisfying and honestly infuriating as this pile of haphazard bullshit.

[mittensmorgul]

omg... wait, literally... in 14.08, while they’re all grieving Jack and Sam goes out to build a pyre, he feels like it’s once again a failure on his part when his ax breaks...

I need to do a rewatch of s14 and list all the potential moments we can now maybe chalk up to Chuck’s interference just nudging things in exceptionally tiny ways. Because that broken ax was the reason the rest of the episode happened this way. 

This is exactly the sort of thing I’ve been talking about since 14.20 aired. Chuck hasn’t been shoving the narrative around in huge ways, but even these tiny nudges have sweeping consequences, and all of s14 needs to be reexamined for points where the entire narrative hinges on these seemingly inconsequential occurrences.

If Sam had finished building his pyre by the time Dean and Cas showed up, they wouldn’t have had a wake, they’d have had a funeral pyre. Jack would’ve been permanently lost to Heaven... or perhaps the Empty would’ve quietly snatched him as it planned to do and he would’ve had his little Empty Tea Party with the entity and Billie way back then. There would’ve been no deal for Cas’s happiness, just mourning Jack without Chuck feeling the need to show up and shove events over his personal desired finish line in 14.20. But instead, they go back to the bunker and drink to Jack’s memory, leading to Dean asking Cas, “We did everything we could, right?”

Next thing Dean knows, he’s waking up hung over in the kitchen, and Cas and Sam have brought in Lily Sunder. And the rest of the plot happens.

Sam found Kevin’s Angel Tablet translations in this episode, and Donatello is mentioned as well-- aka the soulless prophet they gave the demon tablet to last year when they may potentially have been able to give him Kevin’s translations (which we all screamed about in s13 so I’ll refrain here) of the tablet they were ACTUALLY trying to read... but Sam brings Lily Sunder instead to try to read them (this is the sort of stuff she was a professor of in life so it’s sensible this time at least).

We learn about Anubis who took over God’s duty to measure the fates of humans, but was that ever something Chuck would’ve done? Interesting, because Anubis himself tells them that God never decided, that people’s fates rest solely (pffft) within themselves, their choices.

Kelly Kline is distressed that Jack has died, of course, as any mother would be, but this feels like a bigger statement from her, to which Jack replies, “things didn’t go as planned.” YA THINK?!

Heaven’s distress signal. I’ve wondered for a while now if there was ever really anything “wrong” with Heaven, or if it was another symptom of Chuck’s interference in things...

Every gate in Heaven was opened, even the ones Metatron’s supposedly irreversible spell closed, when the Shadow invaded.

Cas meets three angels once he arrives-- the first lies dead on the floor near Dumah, who is apparently still alive-- but we quickly learn the Shadow is just using her form. Inside Jack’s heaven they meet Naomi, who I suspect is also being controlled by the Shadow just based on what she tells Cas: That in order to save Heaven, they need to hand Jack over to the Shadow.

BECAUSE! Jack’s soul, according to Anubis, was destined for Heaven based on his own cumulative life choices. And this ending... doesn’t fit Chuck’s narrative. Resurrecting Jack fits Chuck’s narrative. And the Empty has been waiting for Jack... but it’s also been waiting for Chuck. Cas’s sacrifice to save Jack? THAT fits Chuck’s narrative.

What doesn’t fit Chuck’s narrative is these uppity humans actually standing up for themselves to his face, not wanting to play his game anymore. Everything that happens in this episode seems to be setting the stage for them finally seeing they’ve been playing a game all along.

Right down to Lily Sunder visiting Anubis after her death and learning her act of sacrifice was enough to earn her soul admission to Heaven. And this minor god who’d been given this job that used to be Chuck’s... smiles on her and lets her go on to Heaven.

Cas earns a reward from Heaven, too, from Naomi. She gives him Michael’s location, which she suddenly seems to know. Which brings me back to everything I’ve written in this rewatch about Michael just being an irritating symptom of Chuck’s influence over their lives, intentionally flimsy and there only to serve Chuck’s narrative, manipulating his favorite characters into making these same awful choices again.

(and a random note because it pleases the heck outta me... in the final scene, where TFW 2.0 is enjoying a meal in the kitchen together: THEY ALL HAVE BURGERS AND BEERS. EVEN CAS. This has been a strange progression of Cas vs Food since 14.01.

below a cut, because I am an obsessive person who paused 14.09 to compile all sorts of food-related nonsense from all of s14 here, and it’s a lot... >.>

14.01 Cas told Kipling the demon that he doesn’t eat or drink and even questioned why Kipling would bother with food. Cas orders water:

KIPLING: Castiel, you sure I can't get you anything hot and black? CASTIEL: Coffee has no effect on me. KIPLING: Hm. Me either. (sips his coffee) You know, not anymore, but it's like saltwater taffy or infants -- you know, I just like the taste.

but now? 14.08, Jack’s Heaven Memory revolves around food, too. They’re at a burger stand they stopped at while working the case in 13.06, the first case where Cas came back from the Empty, and therefore Jack’s happiest memory, we have to assume. We don’t know if Cas actually ate or drank anything in 13.06 (he didn’t have coffee with Dean, though, but the assumption is that Cas MADE the coffee for him), but he did explicitly mention to Jack that he doesn’t sleep at all. So he probably wouldn’t have bothered with eating or drinking anything at that point. Yet for Jack, part of the happiness of that particular memory WAS eating, the whole family together.

14.06: Not Cas, but JACK, as we know his body is beginning to suffer the loss of his grace, sits at the ktichen table making himself coffee, pouring tons of sugar into it because it doesn’t taste right to him anymore now that his grace is gone:

DEAN - Geez, what's up with the sugar? JACK - Well, without my powers everything tastes different so, I can't get this how I like it.

I’m pointing this out for two reasons: Jack and his relationship with food serves as an inverse parallel to Cas’s here, but also it’s the first sign that something is wrong with him (which we learn by the end of the episode is catastrophically wrong when his coughing fits lead to him passing out). Coffee, specifically, has long been a direct metaphor for Cas and his relationship with humanity, going all the way back to 8.21 when he ordered coffee at every Biggersons he popped through while evading the angels, and explained to one waitress the history of humanity’s relationship with the drink-- you learned it from the goats. That’s literally my Cas vs His Own Humanity tag, and has been for years. So Jack feeling this disconnect from the coffee he used to enjoy-- and adding tons of sugar in the way we’ve seen angels like Ishim do before (considering we’ll be reminded of Lily Sunder two episodes later) feels like the first portent of Jack’s internal collapse.

In this episode, Dean also orders pie for Jack, telling him “pie is important.” At the end of the episode, Dean and Jack again sit at the kitchen table, Jack drinking his coffee with way too much sugar, Dean with some whiskey:

and then Jack collapses.

14.07: Dean and Jack’s father-son bonding road trip involves burgers, and after Jack falls ill, Dean brings him a sandwich and a glass of milk that Jack never even gets to eat.

14.08: After Jack’s been resurrected with Lily’s soul magic, we have the family dinner mentioned above. And Jack is the ONLY one we see eating his burger, despite all four of them having the same food on their plates. Everyone else is just watching HIM enjoy his meal, because they’re just happy that Jack is back and supposedly “cured” of his imbalance that sickened him in the first place, and his enjoyment of his food serves as a visible example of that fact.

14.09: Crunch Cookie Crunch. Sugary cereal that Jack is apparently sneaking behind Sam’s back, alone in the darkened kitchen in the middle of the night. At least he’s eating? But during this scene, while talking with Cas about the deal Cas made with the Empty in 14.08... Cas not only eats some of the cereal himself, we learn that he took the decoder ring prize from the box and decoded the secret message. Cas... has eaten some of the cereal in the past. Alone, without witnesses. And taken the prize inside. While having a conversation about keeping Cas’s secret. Cookietacular. (and further tying Jack’s experiences with food to Cas’s)

interesting side note, but since I’m still playing 14.09 in the background while I type this, here we see Ketch again-- the guy resurrected for nothing more than plot device purposes-- again functioning as an entry point to another narrative rabbit hole, i.e. something that initially seems like a success but becomes an abject failure for Plot Reasons. He has found the Yeet Egg, but it’s halfway around the world where it’s of no use to any of them. And as he tells them this, he’s sitting in a cafe sipping a tiny cup of coffee. This is how Michael gets hold of and destroys one of the two remaining weapons they had against him-- he snatches it out of the U.S. Mail. Two of Chuck’s little symptoms acting up and playing their roles, forcing the narrative to do what he needs it to do.

14.13: While Dean and Sam share a family dinner with their parents, knowing it will be their last because they plan to put everything to rights, Cas from the past who never broke ranks with the angels is brought to a pizza joint by Zachariah, walking over empty burger wrappers in the alley on their way there, where he threatens to kill the inhabitants if they don’t tell them what they need to know. I mean... worst case scenario for the Pizza Man and Babysitter trope, right?

14.14: An episode that forces A LOT of focus onto food-- both through the MotW as a gourmet chef preparing his victims, as well as through Jack, Cas, Dean, and Sam eating:

The entire cold open is devoted to watching the gorgon prepare his food-- chopping onions, sauteing things, dancing around a fancy kitchen, and yet having to flee before he can enjoy his meal.

Jack coughs while standing at the counter, and blames “pepper” in the food for it, insisting he’s not dying (spoiler alert: he is actually dying and knows this, yet lies about it to everyone), immediately before Rowena reminds us, “Everything means something.”

Cas, Dean, and Jack sit at a diner drinking coffee. But... only Dean and Jack have mugs in front of them. Not Cas. And Dean’s the only one who actually drinks.

Castiel: What you're doing, even just sitting here and having a cup of coffee, is a Herculean feat. I can't imagine the willpower it's taking to keep Michael imprisoned.

And then later in the episode, Jack... eats Michael. He burns up what’s left of his own soul to cook it up, too. Gourmet cannibalism at its best. Nom.

14.15: In an episode where Sam and Cas are faced with a series of food-related red herrings ranging from milkshakes to tiny coffee cups to pot roast to martinis, Dean and Jack have several interactions with food that all mean something more in the narrative itself: from the Angel Food/Devil’s Food cake test, to Jack unable to find something the Gorgon’s snake will eat, to the cup of coffee Donatello serves Jack in a huge mug and uses as a prop in his explanation of how he manages to do the right thing even without a soul to guide him, and what it feels like to him to be soulless.

14.16: Jack is put in charge of doing the grocery shopping, because Dean thought that was a safe activity for him. He buys the food, but then all the other terrible things happen... and he doesn’t eat any of it himself. And despite beer being on the list TWICE, that’s the one thing he fails to buy.

14.17: Back to Cas vs Coffee, and a waffle, waiting for Anael in the diner. He’s already ordered himself the waffle and coffee, and while Anael rejects a cup of coffee from the waitress, Cas orders ANOTHER. Unfortunately it’s never delivered to him (that we see), but he did order it, which means he’s already drunk his first cup. He ordered a refill. (he didn’t eat the waffle).

but also, back in the bunker as Dean sets up Mousetrap for family game night, Mary and Jack prepare a TON of snack foods. Jack makes popcorn, that Dean once made for Cas back in 8.22. Which again reminds me of our ridiculous crack theory from early s9 that popcorn had some sort of magical properties to weaken angels after Hannah is thrown into a rack of popcorn by Adina and is unable to fight back afterward. lol at the theory, but popcorn was also directly involved in Bobby’s final memory of Sam and Dean as they debated movie-watching snack foods, so it’s directly connected to death and humanity both. And Cas eats it. but back to 14.17... 

They never get to eat all those snacks, because Sam never returns with the pizza he was supposed to be picking up, and they receive the emergency call from Donatello instead. Things go incredibly sideways from there.

(note that I might add to this as I finish rewatching the season, since I’m still on 14.09 and the rest is just from memory after that point-- hence putting it all under a read more cut)

[douxreviews]

Gotham - ‘They Did What?’ Review

Gordon: "For Gotham!"

When FOX kicks the support beams out from under you and says that the narrative you had planned to normally span across a twenty-two episode season now has to be condensed down to ten episodes, I guess it makes sense that your last few episodes are going to feel more like a paint-by-numbers project as you struggle to quickly wrap up character arcs so that those characters in question can resemble their comic counterparts.

Any remaining characteristic that Gotham hasn't shown the genesis for is abruptly wrapped up here in 'They Did What?' - Oswald loses an eye and gets his monocle, Bruce summons a colony of bats, Gordon's daughter is named 'Barbara,' and Gordon gets his promotion to Commissioner. And there's really no weight behind any of these developments, they just sort of happen because... they need to happen. Last year, in Thomas Ijon Tichy's review of 'The Sinking Ship, The Grand Applause,' he mentioned how there wasn't much of a thread that connected the plot points or character moments of that episode, "Things Just Happen." And that's mostly how I feel about this sudden conclusion to 'They Did What?', things just happen and there's no rhythm or flow to a lot of them.

Nyssa abducts Barbara instead of just killing her like she said she was going to do, and wants to raise Barbara's child as her own. Barbara manages to stab her in the gut but she still walks it off. Nyssa locks Gordon and Barbara in a room so she can make her escape. Gordon is able to kick the door down anyway. Bane's invasion overpowers and takes over the GCPD but instead of killing Gordon and Bruce like he said he was going to do, he takes a detour just so he can ambush Bruce and Selina in an alleyway. Bruce saves Selina by summoning a colony of bats because of course he just happens to acquire at the last-minute sonar equipment. The terrified refugees of Gotham City attempting to flee underground return to the surface anyway so they can stare down Bane and a firing squad. Nyssa escapes in Oswald's submarine alone even though it was stated two people are needed to pilot that thing.

For once, I don't know if the cobbled-together writing here can be blamed solely on the showrunners though because simply we just don't know if their intended 'vision' for Season 5 was meant to last an entire year before FOX cut their air time down to size.

If there is a highlight though for this episode (and there are several, mind you), it begins with where we began this year. The sequence of Gordon, Bullock, Oswald and Nygma suiting up and taking the stand against Bane's army in a dire effort to protect the GCPD I confess had me energized and eyes glued to the screen, and even if it's incredibly jarring that for some reason this sequence occurs in daylight while the standoff shown in 'Year Zero' was happening at nightfall, it's an absolutely energizing scene. Never mind the fact that Bane's army, which supposedly outnumbered the GCPD six-hundred to thirty-one, has the firing accuracy of an Imperial Stormtrooper, this scene had wit, it had rapport, it even had a little bit of heart (turns out Oswald loses his eye while defending Nygma), and it's oddly enough a nice depiction too of an incredibly dysfunctional group willing to set aside past grudges to defend in any way they can the city that is a part of them, that has had a hand in each of their upbringings.

I was a little skeptical at first of why Oswald would be wiling to come back and put his life on the line for Gotham City after going through so much trouble to leave it behind and start life anew elsewhere. But of course, Robin Lord Taylor's performance in the office-sequence across from Gordon completely convinced me, and as much as I love his chemistry with Cory Michael Smith, Taylor and Ben McKenzie are also a phenomenal pair when they get scenes like this one. In many ways, their portrayals of Penguin and Gordon have shown they can at times be inverted versions of the same individual, and by now have established this nice ebb-and-flow of knowing when to work together, and when they can be at each other's throats.

It's unfortunate that so late in the game Gotham is somewhat hinting at a redemption arc for Barbara because she's so endearing and likable when she's anything but a psychotic mob boss. I liked her character just fine enough for the first half of Season 1, and even though as a character, she's been through the grinder time and time again, but Erin Richards, like Taylor and Smith, just has that charm to her that makes her enjoyable to watch when she's spirited and vibrant as opposed to being so full of anger, venom and angst.

Shippers of Oswald and Nygma will probably seethe at the resolution to their arc until they're blue in the face, but I personally enjoyed it nonetheless. At the end of it all, Nygma's decided that he felt nothing, no hint of triumph, joy or euphoria, even when Gotham City is rejoicing for their salvation. The very city he put his life on the line to defend. Because it sickens him just knowing he had to associate himself with the civilian population that he considers intellectually inferior to him. Nygma relapsing into his megalomaniac egotistical persona is such a 'Riddler' thing of him to do, and it inspires Oswald to agree with his notion that they shouldn't have to ever think about changing who they are to please everyone else - they're criminal masterminds and if that's what fate has planned for them, then so be it. And as amusing as an on-screen visual it was, I don't think Nygma and Oswald secretly pulling blades on each other with the intention of double-crossing the other adds anything to this ending, simply because the scene succeeds in getting across anyway the notion that they're brothers-in-arms, and will be for the time being - blades or no blades.

Something I've been dreading for a while has finally reared its ugly head in this episode, and because we now know the series finale is actually a time-jump, there's no room at all left for Gotham to resolve it: the very reason Batman even exists in the first place. In the five years we have journeyed with Bruce Wayne on his quest to rise one day as Gotham's caped crusader, Gotham has forgotten to address two core aspects to what makes Batman... well, Batman. And those are why does Bruce Wayne/Batman need to work outside the law and why is Bruce's motif bats?

Rather than deliver on the indication that Bruce was going to be infiltrating and dissolving gang factions throughout the city this year, Bruce instead spends much of this season assisting the GCPD, and by the end of this season, not only is Gordon's lineup of cops shown to be capable of holding off Bane's army of grunts, but it is a mob of ordinary civilians that is able to coerce Bane's army into standing down and turning on Bane himself. In the end, we can't help but wonder then 'why would this city even need a lawless vigilante?' What has shown Bruce that the municipal government of the city is incapable of enforcing proper law and order?

And then there's the bat motif. "But Aaron, Bruce had a vision of bats and Batman back in Season 4!" I understand that, but that isn't enough. That silhouette with the signature bat ears poking up in Bruce's vision still needs a point of origin. In response to that argument, Batman cannot create himself. Otherwise, what is stopping Bruce from fashioning his cowl and armor to resemble just about anything he wants? The design and appearance of Batman is tied in many renditions of the character to Bruce's fear of bats themselves. Several times in the past it has been hinted by David Mazouz among others that Bruce's fear of bats would be a plot point explored in this series, but ultimately, that never came to pass. Yes, Lucius gives Bruce some tech that utilizes sonar which just happens to have a side effect of attracting certain animals, but at this point in the series, when we're so close to the finish line, this feels more than anything else like an afterthought as opposed to a development that will leave an impact on Bruce and something he feels is necessary to incorporate into his campaign of vigilantism.

I almost feel like my energy could be best utilized in other departments then commenting on what a trainwreck Gotham's interpretation of Nyssa Al Ghul is. Almost. For goodness' sake, the series itself seems to even have no concept of this character's identity because literally any quote delivered by a character concerning Nyssa contains what we already know - that she wants Bruce and Barbara dead, and she wants to destroy Gotham. Over and over again, that's spoon-fed to the viewer, like they're fussy children and Gotham is the mother trying to get them to eat their peas. For all her bluster that she is an 'Al Ghul' and that stronger people than Gordon and Barbara have tried and failed to kill her, in the end, she scampers off with her tail between her legs (unknowingly dog-napping Edward the bulldog in the process. That absolutely hurt me.), marking her as the final of many quite forgettable antagonists Gotham has had to offer. Do I even need to comment on the low blow that is this character threatening a defenseless infant with a dagger?

So in the end, Gotham City earns its salvation, Gordon gets his promotion, and Bruce pulls the "Dear John" letter trope from Season 3's finale and uses it to tell Selina that he's leaving Gotham City for...reasons. The real kicker here was knowing though that Camren Bicondova has evidently been recast as an older Selina Kyle for Gotham's series finale, which genuinely saddens me now knowing that a scene containing her realizing Bruce has also essentially walked out on her life is the last moment we have with this actress.

Aaron Studer loves spending his time reading, writing and defending the existence of cryptids because they can’t do it themselves.