#but honestly great experience 10/10 i'm always wishing i could go back to that time. also nothing makes me feel more powerful than when i k

[vynegar]

"Albie" (main story 11-21)

At the end of Episode 11 (Part 1), we find out that "Albie" is simply a name that Vyn made up on the spot when Rosa asked. He may have been inspired by his own birth name, Vilhelm Richard Albert de Haspran.

In Chinese, Vyn choose the name "阿明". "阿" is a prefix used to form nicknames, "明" can be a name but also means "bright, clear". In Vyn's Romantic Rail Getaway card "Food for Thought", he tells us the meaning of his name:

You can see the character 明 appear in the word 明亮 ("bright"), although 明 is such a common character that I wouldn't say that this Chinese text alone is enough is sufficient evidence to show the connection between the two names. It's the way that the "Albie" and "阿明" happen to coincide in the name "Albert", which made me take note of Vyn's "careless" choice in name.

If the Chinese name was intended to subtly reference "Albert", I can certainly imagine imagine this as one way to preserve that reference through translation, even if it becomes more obvious. We do have an example of the translation preserving plot-relevant wordplay in a name: Lowe Leare ("Lowly"), originally 萧仁 ("小人", both pronounced "xiao ren" but with different tones). However, there's also an incident of a plot-relevant name being missed through translation, though it was in an event (not the main story) that probably foreshadowed a distant plot point and had infamously bad translation issues.

Anyway, it remains possible that "Albie" is a coincidence. However, after Vyn and Rosa wrap up their conversation about Albie's name, the narration makes a comment on the importance of that moment:

It isn't until the whole case is settled that you are surprised to realize something... You had briefly touched on the key to cracking the case at this very moment.

...which at least gives me enough confidence to not feel silly writing up a whole post about it. We've only seen part of this case, and there's a lot of mystery still surrounding Vyn's behavior so I don't have any definitive hypotheses on why Vyn might have chosen his own name for Albie. Is there something that made Vyn seen himself in Albie? Did the delinquent's attitude remind Vyn of the cruel, stratified world that he was born in? Is he reminded of how people who have imperfections will be tossed aside and abandoned? I guess we'll see when part 2 of this episode is released.

[kraaico]

Where/how do you get the ideas to make these super cute art? I love art but I basically copy others and I wanna have my own style.

What a nice question!! I could honestly write a book about this, but for now I'll keep it condensed. (maybe uhhhh a blog post later or smthn) ....Sorry it's long anyway lol

These are my thoughts as an independent illustrator/artist that has the time and freedom to create what I wish, keep that in mind. I can't vouch for what it takes to get through art school or build a portfolio for <specific thing X> cause I don't know shit about that, this is just for creating art that you love making.

✨️Developing a style ✨️

A lot of people talk about 'finding your style', but I'm personally an advocate of developing a style - and most importantly it being a process that never stops. Now I don't know how old/experienced you are, but especially when you are just getting into art (and with 'just' I mean years) it'll change a lot because you will be improving a lot!

Now for me personally, I've been busy ~finding a style~ since I was 10. And up to like 2 years ago (I'm now 28) I was frustrated I just wasn't able to find one. Every half year or so I'd try to get back into art "for real this time", stick to one medium and general style and/or subject, and within a matter of weeks become frustrated and then not draw for a good while. That style-mentality really took a toll on the fun I had in making art, but also stunted my own artistic development. I was restricting myself at a stage where I should be everything BUT. I told myself I wasn't good enough, not cut out to be a professional, wouldn't be able to sell myself if I couldn't stick to one thing, yada yada. Great mentality. I'm now in therapy!

Anyway, what broke me free of that was a promise I made to myself back in 2020. I told myself I would get back into making art, but this time, just do what feels fun *at any given moment*. Let go of the pressure. I didn't post to socials and just shared with my friends, and eventually started posting to my then very humble Twitter following. I liked Twitter, cause there wasn't the pressure that Instagram always gave me of having to have a perfect feed. So I drew digitally, I drew with pencils, did some painting, got oil pastels, tried collage. And those experiments all influenced one or another. That's been key for me. If I feel like I hit a creative wall, I just try another medium or another CSP brush or another app on my tablet. Just experiment with lines and colors and not worry about what ends up there. (it's usually cats) Creating like this kept the fun in it for me and I've created nearly every single day since then, and that too is key to style development: Create A LOT. Don't hyperfocus on one perfect piece when you can also create 4 good-enough pieces in the same time.

Now on the topic of copying: it's a natural thing to do. Just be responsible about it! (don't share on socials if you blatantly copy something. While it's a good method to learn certain techniques, it's something that should stay in your private sketchbook) Also be sure to study from many different places, don't fixate on just a couple of artists! Find what inspires you in real life: be it buildings or nature or animals or people or objects, and try to capture them in different ways: from realistic to just the basic shapes. You'll find out what kind of style and level of detail you're naturally drawn to soon enough. Creating your own visual library in your mind by drawing many different things is ultimately what will allow you to put your ideas to paper in a quick and intuitive way. Having a (cheap!) sketchbook that you don't show anyone but just goof around in and explore everything and anything is a very helpful tool.

✨️ Generating ideas ✨️

I get my ideas from SO many different places. Many of my cat paintings were actually created to deal with a strong emotion or feeling I was having at the time.

Now externally, I get a lot of inspiration from nature and from the place I live in. I used to live in a fairly urbanized area, but it wasn't until I moved to the country side with wide and far views that I saw daily that I started getting interested in drawing landscapes. I didn't draw a lot of cats until they were chilling in my garden everyday. When I lived at home I drew a lot of fish, cause my dad had an aquarium. What you see and observe everyday matters. Taking your camera or phone on a walk in the neighborhood and capturing small details is a great way to gather inspiration, even if the area is a bit boring. I have a Fujifilm X100F that I try to carry to most places I go, cause I can quickly photograph things and I like it better than phone photography.

I also draw a lot of ideas from the media I consume: shows, movies, games, comics, music... Sometimes it just hits that inspiration button and lights a lil flame that'll turn into an idea. I love the magical worlds Studio Ghibli creates for example and the soothing calmness that games like Animal Crossing and Stardew Valley have. Things like that just work their way into my art, often subconsiously.

I also draw what I yearn for: be it a doodle of a comforting hot bowl of soup when I crave it, or a beach scene cause I want to go for a beach walk. It's fun, and lets me daydream a little about things I maybe cannot have in that moment.

Another big thing is worldbuilding and storytelling: I have this fictional world in my mind that I desperately want to get out, and it will, piece by piece.

So yeah. There's many places to grab inspiration from. Writing down what inspired you is useful. Doing it every year or so is too, cause then you'll start to see trends and get a better understanding of what drives you. Cause in the end that's what's most important, I think: Find the things that ignite a flame in you and then let it out in a way that is fun and comforting to you. Don't worry about what other people are making or that you're not making what you 'should' make!

I hope this was somewhat helpful - it was fun to write at least, I have many thoughts about this :')

[neobora]

Hi Neo, I'm new to your blog so I hope I'm not annoying you with this and you're free to ignore my ask. I've come to terms with the fact that I'm not satisfied with my life...at all. Sure, it could be worse but I'm allowed to feel that way, aren't I? I've never had any interest in going to university because my desired reality is to be a successful dancer and have a business that's so successful that it becomes my main source of income. I also want to wake up in my desired city and just have fun however and whenever I want. And then when I've enjoyed everything I want to shift to my actual desired reality where I'm a successful and happy singer.

I know this is all confusing but I just wanted to first shift to a reality where I was successful without the fame and just living a simple but active lifestyle with great friends before I experienced a reality where I was famous. I've always dreamt of being a singer since I could remember anything, and I truly love music. It's a source of comfort for me...but I just want to experience a life before fame first because honestly, fame scares me a little but I don't 100% hate it.

Now that I got that out of the way, I can't help but compare myself to my high school classmates. I'm 21 now and all I'm doing is working part-time with a boss that couldn't care less about my existence with a body I don't like and talent that I'm not satisfied with. I worry everyday about my mom's health (and everyone in my family's health to be honest) and I spend 10 minutes contemplating on whether or not I can buy a tiny stick of lip balm. I was raised with a religion I don't believe in and that I feel forced to participate in and my rented house is consistently having problems. And then when I look at my former classmates, they're at university with friends, pursuing their aspirations, they have enough money to be traveling to Barcelona and Milan and Paris and here I am just feeling like I've been left behind. I still don't want to attend university...I don't even have the money to do so even if I wanted to. But I feel so unsuccessful and unsatisfied with everything. I've always felt like I was meant for more but clearly that's not the case. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like giving up but I can't bring myself to pull out of all of this.

Hi!! Don't worry, I'll gladly answer this. I really hope I don't come off as rude when I tell you guys it's only you making yourself suffer😭😭 But it's true and needs to be understood.

First off, it's great you know exactly what you desire. By deeply desiring your Inner Self is telling you what it is that makes you feel fulfilled. Even if you don't feel like it right now, everything will conspire to help you achieve that because while you may feel like you're not, at your core, you are always God, the inner self.

I used to feel like that too. What helped me was starting to see the outer world as a dream, or simply as an old thought that will come to pass. I started FEELING the wish fulfilled by imagining and feeling like it's actually happening right now (because it is). Start off by just doing that and being persistent. When the fear hits, make clear to yourself that imagination truly is the only reality and you are always the inner man, my power is always at max. you are free to always identify with the inner man, the choice whether you want to go back is yours and YOURS ONLY. understanding that no one is forcing you to feel (identify with) anything is so freeing. you are free to see something like an undesired appearance as simply not true, that is the past, that is not you. then persist and never go back, no matter what. when there's resistance, always go back to your core, the inner self. do you want to feel that? no? then don't.

It's simple, but to understand you have to actually allow yourself to. I really like how Edward Art explains this in his videos and series (100% worth reading frfr). maybe you want to check them out. it's so important to actually be open to feeling instead of worrying. i know you can do it, at our core we are all the same :)

[again-please]

20 questions for fic writers!

tagged by @septemberskye c:

YOU go ahead and do this if you want! I tag THEE. go unto the tag and prosper.

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

just the five!

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 

164,059. neat!

3. What fandoms do you write for? 

actively just BG3. in the past, Star Wars, and a couple of extremely random, disparate things exclusive to my desktop

4. What are your top five fics by kudos? 

lmao I only HAVE five but A Little Further has the crown!

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not? 

oh god, I'm sorry, I do reply to a few here and there especially when I see direct questions for me, but honestly I just feel so awkward bc all I can think to say is "thank you!" with varying numbers of exclamation points. and I am extremely blessed in that recently a lot tend to come at once and I feel terrible that I don't have the brain capacity to give everyone a proper reply

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

of the fics I HAVE ended (slides down in chair), I don't think any of them are angsty! I will do some bittersweetness, but honestly, I like a generally happy ending. I like to include angst, but resolve it - even if the resolution is in a next part in a series

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? 

I guess that'd have to be find a thread to pull, and we can watch it unravel. takes place post victory against the First Order (in a pre-TLJ AU setting) so everything being resolved is just FEELINGS (and we all know how we resolve FEELINGS in this house)

8. Do you get hate on fics? 

I did actually get I think literally my first purely vitriolic comment the other day (again, I am DEEPLY fortunate) but honestly it didn't sound like they even read the fic it was left on? I guess I was just overdue for the experience lmao

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 

yes ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) but uhhhh what kind...I'm not sure how I'd categorize it? I guess my aim is for it always to be predominantly romantic, but I will go where the wind takes me in a particular scene

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written? 

nope!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 

I don't think so?

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? 

yes, just one! I wish I could find it but someone translated find a thread to pull, and we can watch it unravel.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 

I haven't! and unfortunately I would not wish me as a writing partner on my worst enemy lmao, I'm simply way too slow

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

it's always hard to see beyond the current obsession, but reylo and spuffy are soooo dear to me

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I feel particularly bad about survival season because I was in the home stretch, but man, when the inspiration dies it really dies

16. What are your writing strengths?

I want to say/dialogue banter, especially big group scenes, because that's when it really feels FUN for me and I accidentally go into a trance and do 1700 words of just conversation

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

other than being sloooooooooooow (700 words is a GREAT full day of writing for me), I cannot stick to an outline for the goddamn life of me. I really try and DO outline/summarize future chapters, but in the midst of a chapter suddenly something else will grab hold of me and I realize I actually need to write the complete opposite thing happening

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic? 

oh I'm not remotely up to that task

19. First fandom you wrote for? 

babes, it was Teen Titans. and NATURALLY I had an OC that joined the team and whom I (gasp) also freely used in half-baked X-Men stories. 10-year-old me had zero concept of the Marvel/DC divide and honestly I was happier for it

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

I think A Little Further. that one kind of gave me my confidence back and in my head it's permanently associated with that "oh god why am I so obsessed with this FICTIONAL MAN" energy that gets you through the tough times

[cryiling]

2, 23, and 26 for the writing ask game :D

(ask game from here)

2. If you had to give up your keyboard and write your stories exclusively by hand, could you do it? If you already write everything by hand, a) are you a wizard and b) pen or pencil?

absolutely not 😭 iri I have no idea how you do it but my hand cramps so bad after writing for 10 minutes like ??

I will say, though, wayyy back in 6th I had this notebook that I wrote the cringiest fanfics in, like I'm ngl they were kind of risque why tf would I put it in physical writing ???? 😟😟 anyways I would never be able to do it now, I would just have to pass on my fanfiction verbally like my ancestors did 😞

23. Describe the physical environment in which you write. Be as detailed as possible. Tell me what’s around you as you work. Paint me a picture.

honestly I do not write consistently enough to have an actual writing workspace, it always changes depending on where I am. like sometimes I'm at school IN CLASS, or in the library, or on a couch, or in the car, or at my desk (but I usually feel like it's harder to write at my desk because it feels more forced than if I was writing spontaneously when I actually had inspiration)

back during covid, I was a much more consistent writer, and I would fr take like 2 or 3 hours a day to just write 😭😭 I wish I could do that now lmao, but school is saying no 🙁 but yeah back during the pandemic, my writing workspace was in my room, I had my laptop hooked up to a monitor and I would put on an instrumental playlist to get myself in the mood and then just write. my window was usually open but it never let enough light in so I also had my overhead light on. also my room was literally wallpapered in bts posters so if I ever needed a break, I would just lie on my bed and stare at the pictures ajdbakdbk

26. How do you get into your character’s head? How do you get out? Do you ever regret going in there in the first place?

basically just self project as much as possible 😭 umm let me give you an example, like for my sick fic, I was writing in link's perspective, and he's very sick. so I was trying to think of times I've been sick or mentally not present, and I tried to channel those hazy emotions into the beginning of the story. I also thought of how I would like to be taken care of if I was sick and then made that happen for link 🤭 it was vv therapeutic tbh

I'll be honest, depending on what the fic is about, it ends up being based on a lot of my own experiences. a year ago I was not having a Good Time so I decided to write a mdzs fic where lan wangji went through about the same stuff that I was going through. but to do that, I had to take my mindset back way further to like late elementary school/early middle school, which honestly brought up some not so great memories for me. it was tough to write the fic! and I never did finish it, and I probably never will, because I'm just not in that headspace that I was in at the time of starting the fic

as for getting out of the headspace of my characters, I sort of do a detox from whatever media I was writing for ajsbsjfn 😭 like for mdzs, I wouldn't consume any content for it for a day or two, for bts I wouldn't watch any of their videos, for botw I didn't play for a couple days. it helps a lot!

[jakethesequel]

It's kind of interesting how a lot of people seem to think you can cleanly separate AI art discussions into two subjects: One focused on the aesthetic or philosophical merits of it, questions like "is AI art real art," "can an AI make something truly creative," and whatnot; and the other supposed focused on the material, labour concerns, questions about it putting artists out of work, or whether it's uncompensated plagiarism, or how it can be disrespectful of an artist's wishes. Honestly, I don't think they're as separate as people like to believe! It's incredibly difficult to have a discussion about art, even as in the-material-working-conditions-of-professional-artists, that art is created for its aesthetic value. (Longer rambling below cut)

Can you really have a discussion about the material labour conditions of professional artists without stumbling into the realm of the aesthetic? I'm not sure you can! The very fact that "professional artist" is a career option already says something about the aesthetic values of our society. At the very least, it says that we value the prescence of aesthetic choices over their absence, because we pay people to create aesthetic experiences for us. If your concerns are solely material labour issues, how do we ignore the fact that artists have never been employed on a solely material basis? Aesthetic judgments have always factored in to a professional artist's success.

Let's say your material concern is that adoption of AI art is taking jobs away from artists, and you're either disinterested in aesthetic debates about whether AI art is "real" art, or you personally don't believe in the difference. (We'll set aside for now the question of whether neutrality on the topic is implicitly biased towards the pro-AI side because unfettered AI could generate so much spam it becomes impossible to even find the so-called real art covered by the AI haystack.) Some artists can learn the AI-art process and stay employed (though many will be unwilling to do that, primarily for aesthetic motivations), but even then the conditions are such that one human AI-assistant can take the job of say 10 pro artists. So we're still looking at a lot of people facing unemployment, which is indeed a material labour concern. But we don't see people being quite so loud about robotic welding machines for example, which can have a similar effect on the workforce of a skilled trade. Maybe you're different, though, and you take those two issues equally seriously. A common suggestion, at least on parts of the left, is that workers put out of a job by increased automation should be able to return to post-secondary education for no cost, allowing them to gain the skills needed to get work in a new field. That's a solution that has its places, I for one think it'd be a great way to transition from carbon fuels to renewable energy without laying off an ungodly number of blue-collar workers.

Should we apply that to artists put out of a job by AI art? Give them a free ride back to college/uni to pursue a different career? I don't think so, but I'm sure somebody somewhere has suggested it, so let's consider its implementation. I don't think it would be very popular. For one, how many pro artists already have a second job or career to support their artistic success? Will they get to go back to school freely and try to find a new passion, or since they already have a non-art career will they be pushed to take their backup gig full-time? For another, while most people have no investment in whether John-Paul works as a pipeline welder or gets re-certified as a solar panel installer, a significant portion of the general public is going to be unhappy if all their favorite artists are pushed into new careers and replaced by AI models. (The artists themselves might have similar protestations.) While you might argue this solution solves the problem of unemployment, its complete surrender to AI dominance over the art industry might make it too controversial to gain support. If this material solution is to take place in a democratic society, the aesthetic opinions of the voting public still have to be contended with. For a small third, there are also artists who have tried other careers and been unable to find success in things other than art, whether due to educational skills, disability, or just general suitability. There will be always be those who take the proposed free ride back to school and then fail. You can argue for better unemployment or disability support, maybe UBI, whatever, but those can be some pretty big social supports to enact. It's worth considering whether pushing someone into unemployment and likely poverty until the eventual time that better social supports are established is a price worth paying for the few benefits of unregulated AI art.

Lastly, and most importantly, how many artists would even be satisfied with this solution? Let alone happy with it! How many artists do you know who would say they chose it as their career because of its reliable pay and long-term employment prospects? How many artists do you know who had the option of an alternate career (maybe even several) but turned them all away because focusing on their art was so important to them, and worth the risky business of trying to make an art career work? Many -- I'd say most -- professional artists don't become such because of the material benefits included, those are few and far between. No, they become professional artists because they place such a high aesthetic value on creating art! You can't ignore that artists become artists for aesthetic purposes, and artists often have very strongly-held aesthetic beliefs! A ton are going to react to anyone suggesting "AI art is no different really, there's nothing that can prevent it from dominating your industry and costing you work, best thing we can do is let you pick a new career" by telling you to fuck off in a variety of ornate ways. Even the professional artists who don't hate AI art won't likely be receptive to idea that it'll render human art irrelevant, most of them are holding onto hope that they can coexist without anyone losing their job. Are any of them going to feel positively about being told human art is so dead they’re basically guaranteed unemployment and should go back to school? You think they haven't already heard "there's no money in that career, you should go back to school and get a real job" from everyone in their lives? If they didn't listen when it was their parents telling them, why would they be satisfied when it carries the added aesthetic insult of suggesting that all that they value in art can be reproduced without the artist? That free education solution can help fix the material problem of artists made unemployed by AI, but those former artists are going to remain extremely unsatisfied that they're denied the one thing they aesthetically value more than anything else, and some might even outright refuse the solution on those grounds. The material solution doesn't reckon with the artists' aesthetic motivations!

Bit of a rant exploring that example, but I think it serves well the point: There's not a clean separation between "material" and/or "aesthetic" arguments about AI art. It exists in the material world, so there's always going to be a material lens. But it also involves art, so there's always an aesthetic element to the discussion. Trying to avoid either and keep the discussion within a walled-off section of philosophy will just make you ignore vital points!

[cosettepontmercys]

Hi!! I know it's been a few days but how was the movie and crowd for you? What did you think? I hope you had so much fun! I saw your outfit in the pic you posted and it looked cute. How was it seeing the second time compared to the first? Did people like your bracelets? I really admire your craftiness and creativity cuz that is so not me but I wish I could be and I'm not that good at journaling either. But I agree it would probably be a good way to meet people. That's so nice and thoughtful to make some for your friends in other countries. I forgot to ask you how your last concert was..to see Renee Rapp so how was it? Her album is on my list and also am planning to listen to Holly Humberstone's album sometime this week. What do you think of her being in the Mean Girls movie or the movie in general? The musical is okay to me but the movie is just so iconic.

Those are a lot of my favorites too! Specifically Mirrorball, Cardigan, Daylight, You're on your own kid, Mastermind and Nothing New and Forever Winter! There wasn't really a crowd at my show..and probably less than 10 people..there was us and another group and maybe two more people and we all sat different spots in the theater, and we had our own space..so it was like watching it at home in a way lol which is fine. I already experienced the crowd at the actual show. What were your favorite parts of the movie?

I just told her that you love Taylor and theater/Broadway and you were named after Cosette. I hope so too..I will update you if or when we end up going. Ya that's what I thought about Cancers..I don't really know much about what moon signs actually mean so maybe I'll look more into it. I'm not a huge birthday person either and maybe it's cuz I'm a twin but I've always liked sharing my birthday. We usually make M&M and chocolate chip cookies.

That's so cool and must have been a great experience! I've never met an online friend before and have a hard time making actual online friends. I mostly just send anons to people but don't usually share things about myself online or have someone call me a specific anon or anything so it's sweet that you did. I only have a short list of places I wanna travel to and I haven't been a lot of places so I don't have much to add.

Okay I'll keep that in mind. The only thing I know about it is was the so haunt me then quote which intrigued me and the Kate Bush song lol. I did start reading Little Women at one point but then I just watched the movie lol. I am also just not very good with classics in general though. I wanna try finishing my other book this week if I can so next week works for me and I'll try to keep up as much as I can. I hope you have a wonderful week!!!

hi hi! i really loved it! i saw it on friday with one of my best friends and it was really fun — i was able to trade some bracelets in the parking lot / by concessions / inside, and the vibes were really chill! there were a few people singing and dancing but the way our cinemas are sloped/tiered meant it didn't block people's views (i was also in the back row)! no one really did the chants though, which i was surprised by? and then on sunday i went with my mom and i didn't really trade bracelets ( gave a bunch to the cinemark employees though! ) because the vibes were ... different! but people on sunday were a lot more ... enthusiastic! all the chants, dancing, etc! my mom had fun though; she turned to me as we were leaving and asked if i'd want to go see the movie again with her which was really cute 🥺! people were really nice about my bracelets; a girl i traded with on friday told me later that evening that my bracelet was her favorite one she got that night and it made my day! the renee rapp show was fine — i was really on the fence on if i still wanted to go, honestly, but am glad i went ultimately! i didn't love her album as much as i did her EP, and i think that she's so so talented vocally but the way her music is produced doesn't always let her vocals shine, if that makes sense? a lot of people near me were a little ... 😵‍💫 though in terms of concert etiquette! i hope you like holly's album; i've been listening to that a lot since it came out (and finally got around to listening to the new boygenius last night). the mean girls musical is fun; i've never seen it live (i had tickets to see taylor louderman's second to last show but was ... hungover ... and ended up selling my ticket to a friend haha) but i think it could've been better/stronger! i was really excited for it, because i love what they did with legally blonde but was disappointed with some of the score for mean girls. a small part of me was hoping that sabrina would reprise her role as cady, because i really like what i heard of her cady, and was sad her time as cady got cut short!

wow!! that's not a lot of people! it was pretty packed at both showings, but i actually got tickets to see it on 10/27 with my mom again, and so far, it's just us and one other person in that cinema! i really liked this movie (incredibly salty about things that got cut though), but i got a little motion sick at some of the shots. but i get motion sick easily, so that's more on me haha! i got really really sad/emotional during specific scenes and was thinking a lot about seeing it in person and the memories i made during my shows. i think my favorite parts were really just seeing how my mom and my best friend reacted to different things (i made my mom watch the entire thing on youtube a few months ago & it was my best friend's first time watching it)! i think my favorite eras sets are still fearless, speak now and folklore though, but they're all just so good! what about you?

that sounds so fun! do you bake a lot? i used to really like baking but haven't baked as much lately (but i do love baking cakes and oatmeal raisin cookies)!

i have met quite a few online friends — and have been incredibly lucky to do so! actually, three of the girlies i saw eras with were online friends who are super dear to my heart!! and we're online friends 🥰 ! we've been online friends before i knew your name!! i always love chatting with you; i think our back and forth long ask/answer conversations are so fun!

i read the appeal and the twyford code yesterday (both by janice hallett) and they were very very clever! i've got a busy week ahead, but am hoping to finish listening to curious tides on audiobook, and maybe some other books i'm in the middle of, and then am excited for our upcoming buddy read!!! hope you're having a good tuesday & a good week!

[surftrips]

funeral

pairing: jay halstead x gn!reader

song: funeral by maisie peters

word count: 1504

summary: reader and jay have been having issues in their relationship. when jay gets shot, reader has to reflect on their insecurities and deal with the guilt they're left with.

author's note: this is going to be the first of many fics i have lined up that are inspired by songs! for the full ~angsty~ experience, read while you listen to the song. hope you enjoy this <3

"Jay, seriously. I don't want to make a big deal out of this. I'm sorry I just don't feel comfortable with you hanging out around your ex, you know how I feel about her."

Jay sighed. Ever since his ex-girlfriend had come back into town, things between you and him had been rough. Honestly, things hadn't exactly been smooth prior to her arrival, either.

"Y/N, you know that you can't blame me for things I haven't done yet, right?"

You knew you were being unfair to him, but this was your nature. No matter how hard you tried to be better, there was always that nagging voice in the back of your head trying to sabotage your relationship.

Now, his ex-girlfriend shows up and you can't help but let the insecurities take over. You were scared. Scared of letting him down. They way you had done in past relationships.

You wished for a lot of things. You wish you were a great communicator. You wish Jay was telepathic and he could read your mind so you wouldn't have to carry all this weight around.

You think a lot about meeting him that day in May. You were late and blushing the entire time, thinking you had no chance at a second date.

But here you were, nearly two years into the relationship and working alongside each other in the Intelligence Unit.

This particular case was a hard one. A girl had been kidnapped and Jay was taking it personally. He had interviewed the man who turned out to be the kidnapper and was being hard on himself for not connecting the dots.

Of course, no one blamed him. They hadn't seen it either.

You were thinking about all of this when a sound snapped you back to reality. A gunshot.

You and Jay were stationed outside of a restaurant the offender was in, waiting for him to slip up or leave any clue as to where the kidnapped girl was. You were under strict orders from Voight to only watch the guy from a distance, not to engage under any circumstances.

However, Jay had gotten frustrated at the conversation (or lack thereof) that you two were having and stepped out of the car for some fresh air.

The next thing you know, Jay was laying on the sidewalk with blood coming out of him. The offender must have spotted the two of you when you were arguing and snuck out a side door, popping off a shot before running off.

"Jay, oh my god. 10-999 officer down! I need help immediately, roll backup to 58 Michigan Ave. Offender is on foot and fleeing the scene!" You desperately called into your radio.

"Honey, Jay, please, please stay with me. You're going to be okay. It's all going to be okay." You repeated this over and over, more to yourself than anyone else while holding his unresponsive body.

—

"Hey, what happened out there? Is Jay okay?!" Kim rushed into the hospital along with the rest of the team.

You fought back the tears as you tried to put into words what had happened. How could you explain that you were arguing with Jay on the job, got too lost in your thoughts, let him leave your eyesight, and completely missed him getting shot not six feet away from you?

You didn't get very far when Jay's brother, Will, came out. The look on his face said it all.

"Jay, he's... we're afraid he's not going to make it. He's in surgery right now, but it's not looking good and they won't tell me anything because he's my brother..." Will trailed off. He didn't even know what to say.

Before Jay, your heart was full of boys and brimstone. His was full of girls who lied. You both had been hurt by other people. But you both had found each other right in time.

Just a few months ago, you were planning your lives together. Now, it looked like you would be planning a funeral.

The first time you saw him, he sat down next to you at the coffee shop, the only other seat available in the crowded cafe. Before he put his headphones in, you made some stupid joke about hangovers and Sunday mornings, and he laughed.

—

"Y/N? He's out of surgery now." Dr. Rhodes announced.

"Can we see him?" You stood up a little too fast from the waiting room seat and felt dizzy.

"You can, but-"

"Please don't tell me-"

"I'm sorry. He's in a coma, it was the only way we could get him out of the surgery."

"Will he wake up?"

"It's unlikely."

You had seen this exact situation play out a million times before. People hung on too long to their loved ones and were never able to move on. You never thought you would be here.

With Jay's parents gone, all he had was his brother and you. Will had seen too many people cling onto false hope, but this was his brother. He didn't want to let go either.

You and Will had an unsaid agreement that you would keep Jay on the ventilator for as long as possible. Neither of you were ready to move on despite everyone around you slowly giving up on Jay ever waking up.

It seemed like you had no choice, though. You simply could not live with the fact that the last conversation you two had was over his stupid ex-girlfriend and your stupid insecurities that you refused to admit.

You wanted him to want you despite all that. To live every day like the plane might crash, To chase every satellite and star, You had pinned all of your hopes to his handlebars.

—

Weeks turned into months. The rest of the team wanted you to move on, they hated seeing you like this. As a brother, Will couldn't bare to take him off the ventilator. As a doctor, he knew better.

One night, after a long shift, he sat down with you and you both cried as you agreed to begin making funeral arrangements.

I want you to want me when you're dead To roll in your grave like we're not done yet

You had a million things to say to Jay, if he could just wake up. You wanted him to know that the past is past. That everything changed when you heard him laugh.

That he was the point of all this living.

That he was right, you couldn't blame him for things he hadn't done yet. That you were just scared. You knew all this now, now that it was too late.

—

You and Will wanted to take Jay off the ventilator at the very last moment possible. Today was that day.

Will had someone else cover his shift and came over to pick you up in the morning.

"You ready?" He asked.

You just nodded. In truth, you both knew that neither of you could ever let go of Jay. He was one of those people that left a permanent mark on you. But this day was a long time coming.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of Will's phone. "Hey, Maggie, what's up? I'm not working today."

Will nearly crashed the car at hearing her next words.

"What do you mean he's awake?"

—

You and Will rushed into Med while practically abandoning his car outside.

"Where is he? How is he? I need to see him!" You yelled as you searched for a familiar face.

"We moved him upstairs for you, he's in room four." Maggie responded.

You had been dreaming and hoping that Jay would wake up for the past six months. Now that the moment had actually come, you froze. You didn't know how much he remembered, and if he did, did he blame you at all? Was he mad at you?

Will walked into the room first and immediately you heard, "Where's Y/N?"

"They're right outside. How are you feeling man? I can't believe this..."

The two brothers caught up with each other as if no time had passed. From what you gathered standing outside the room, Jay's memory was intact, though foggy. Over time, it would slowly come back and it was a miracle he had even woken up.

After a while, you finally worked up the courage to enter the room. Jay's green eyes lit up the second he saw you.

"Y/N..."

No longer able to contain yourself you ran over and embraced him. As he sank into your arms, you could feel all the guilt and sadness fade away into nothing but love and affection for this man.

"Jay, I'm so so sorry. But please, don't ever scare me like that again."

"Never. We're going to live forever."

"I don't need to live forever, just not one day longer than you."

—

Will's phone rang in the room. He shook his head at Jay, "Just the floral arrangement people."

"Call off the damn funeral!" Jay chuckled.

—

dedicated to @grasshopperjay as i was inspired by your amazing evermore series to write this fic based on a song!

also for some of my fav jay writers: @sheetsonfire @halsteadlover @slytherbun @fighterkimburgess @resanoona @onechicagolife @emiewritesthings 🌙

[mindmeltonabun-blog]

Doom At Your Service: Analysis & Theories for EPs 9-10

Anyone mentally exhausted from watching DAYS? Well, you’ve come to the right place where I do the thinking for you, so you don’t have to! As always, if you have any questions, feel free to click on the ask question button! Happy Readings !

The Contract Revisited

While reviewing the contract, I realized there was something major that I had completely missed! Anyways let’s go over the contract again to clear up some confusion.

The Contract is as follows:

1) Dong Kyung must ask for Myul Mang to destroy the world before she dies (It could be rephrased as Dong Kyung must ask for Myul Mang to destroy the world before her tentative expiration date)

2) During Dong Kyung’s last 100 days, Myul Mang will prevent her from feeling any pain

3) Myul Mang has to grant her one real wish

4) If Dong Kyung breaks the contract (does not wish for the world to be destroyed) then the person she loves the most will die

If Dong Kyung does not violate the contract as in she wishes for the world to be destroyed, the person she loves dies anyways because you know.... the world is non existent. If Dong Kyung does violate the contract, meaning she does not wish for the world to be destroyed, the person she loves dies too because her doom is transferred to them. Some have also wondered whether she can has to ask for the world to be destroyed in order to get her one real wish to be granted. In my opinion, I don't think so. I think she can still get her one real wish to be granted regardless of whether she wishes for doom upon the world or not. Other things to note is that nothing will happen to Myul Mang if he does not stick to the terms of the contract (i.e keeps Dong Kyung pain free and granting her one real wish) because as Dong Kyung said "If I violate" not "If either you or I violate".

Now something to pay close attention to is #4. In Ep 2, Myul Mang had said he would take Dong Kyung’s doom (brain cancer) and transfer it to someone she loves. This is the part I missed! I’d thought that all Myul Mang was doing was transferring the death that was meant for her, not that he was actually removing her source of death which was her brain cancer. Therefore, if Dong Kyung breaks the contract, she will live because her brain cancer is removed and is subsequently transferred into the person she loves, causing them to die instead. I feel incredibly stupid for missing this important piece of info. In light of this new info, I will therefore retract my previous theory that Dong Kyung’s one wish will be to cure her brain cancer.

For those who were confused by that scene of Dong Kyung going to the beach and staying away from everyone, here are my thoughts on that. Dong Kyung was trying to find a loophole. The loophole was that she was planning on violating the contract while protecting the people she loves. This means that Dong Kyung was planning on ending herself at the beach (you can't wish for doom upon the world if you're already dead) and accepting her doom (her doom can't be transferred to anyone else because she accepts it in herself).

Who’s Going to Get Dong Kyung’s Brain Cancer and Die?

I recently had a eureka moment a few days ago before Eps 9-10 aired that led me to formulating a new theory -- it's actually Dora who will inherit Dong Kyung’s brain cancer and die. Let’s think through some things first, “the person you love the most will die”. The most obvious choice is Myul Mang. However, if you think about that statement in a more abstract way, you can see that if Dong Kyung loves her life, then the person who will die is Dora. Remember that Dora is basically the personification of life.

To further add evidence that supports this theory, I present to you Exhibit A, Dora’s massive nosebleed. We know Dong Kyung has a rare type of brain cancer and it’s located in her frontal lobe. As days pass, the brain tumor is growing or metastasizing. In theory, the tumor could grow into nearby areas such as her nasal cavity and cause Dong Kyung to have nose bleeds (FYI: In real life, I’m a scientist with experience in the field of oncology and most of the time brain tumors don’t grow outside of the brain. It can happen, but it is very rare!). Now, think about the events that occurred before Dora's nose bleed. For example, Dong Kyung was out and about enjoying her time with Myul Mang and her family and friends. Essentially, Dong Kyung was beginning to love her life. This causes Dora to suffer because she is taking in Dong Kyung's illness into herself. Subsequently, this leads to Dora experiencing some of the symptoms of Dong Kyung's brain cancer (e.g nose bleed). Thus, as Dong Kyung is beginning to live, Dora is beginning to die.

Exhibit B: Adventures of Pinocchio. At the end of the story, the Fairy (Dora) heals an ailing Geppetto (Dong Kyung) as a reward for Pinocchio (Myul Mang) becoming a good boy. Following this, we don’t hear much about what happens to the Fairy except that she’s in laying in a hospital on the verge of death. It is implied that in order to heal Geppetto, the Fairy had to take his illness into herself. Afterall, nothing is without consequences, someone must pay so that others can be happy. Much like the story of Pinocchio, Dora is doing the same thing as the Fairy. Dora is taking in Dong Kyung’s illness so that Dong Kyung can freely love her son, Myul Mang, without consequences (e.g Myul Mang dying).

Exhibit C: Dong Kyung walking around like she didn’t have brain cancer while in seclusion. You would think that since she didn’t see Myul Mang to recharge, she would be experiencing some severe symptoms, but nope she was walking around as if she was cured! I wonder where her cancer went.......DORA!

Exhibit D: Dora telling Dong Kyung to be madly in love and live. Basically Dora saying, "Love my son and live, don't worry about your brain cancer or him dying because I'm taking care of it."

Why Dora Didn't Want Myul Mang To See Her

For those wondering why Dora didn’t want Myul Mang to see her, here are my two cents. One explanation is that Dora probably didn’t want him to figure out that she was inheriting Dong Kyung’s brain cancer. It would’ve made him feel guilty to see that his mother was willing to take on even more pain just so he could be happy. Another explanation is that Myul Mang still has a lot of growing up to do (to become human). Dora didn’t want him to get the idea that he’s out of the clear just yet. Meaning if Myul Mang had found out that Dora was doing this for him then he would’ve thought life was a breeze now and have no further motivations to want to grow, thus ruining Dora’s plan for him (to grow up to become a good human). There’s no better motivation to make someone grow than the thought of their love ones dying.

Final Theory on Dong Kyung’s Wish

In my previous post, I had discussed that without knowing the limits of what one could or could not wish for, it was difficult for me to accurately predict what Dong Kyung’s wish would be. However, in this week’s episode, I was finally given the limits: the wish must be a wish that is doom in nature. I thought to myself, what could be a good thing to end? Oh, that’s right, Myul Mang’s immorality. Dong Kyung must say “I wish for your immortal life to end” or something along those lines. The combination of Dong Kyung’s wish + Myul Mang’s willingness to sacrifice himself for her + Dora’s plant = the rebirth of Myul Mang into a real boy....oops I mean real hu-man.

The Ending of DAYS

So, what kind of ending will DAYS have? Prepare yourselves. I think it’s going to be a bittersweet ending because it goes with the one of the main themes DAYS which is dualism. I think Myul Mang will be reborn as a human, but still have his doom responsibilities (so more like a fake human). He will probably end up becoming like Dora in the sense that he gets to experience the cycle of life and death over an infinite amount of time. Dong Kyung won’t be reborn in his next life cycle (remember Myul Mang tells that crazy lady there’s no afterlife; humans only have this one life). I guess the notion that the love he and Dong Kyung share will always be with him and forever serve as a shining beacon even in his loneliest days is sweet, but still I want a happy ending!!!

Now excuse my language, but to hell with dualism and what is logical! I want a happy ending where Myul Mang becomes human, lives with Dong Kyung, and when he dies that’s it. No coming back to doing his doom job in a different life. Dora can create another herald of doom. Dora did it once before and she could do it again lol. Or if Myul Mang must come back in a different life, at least allow Dong Kyung to be reborn at the same time. I mean you can grow the same plant again…. EVER HEARD OF PROPROGATION DORA?!! Metaphorically speaking, if Dong Kyung is a sunflower, then wait until she dies, harvest her seeds and grow her again…. it’s that simple Dora!!!

Some Thoughts on the Writer of DAYS

The writer (Im Meari) of DAYS is at best, pretentious and at worst, derivative. She’s more or less just rehashing the works of other great philosophers (Nietzsche, Schopenhauer, Deleuze, etc). She presents DAYS as a collection of major philosophical concepts with the intention to differentiate herself from that of other kdramas writers. She goes onto placing great stress on the idea that in order to innovate or bring about a new beginning, one must deviate from the norm, yet she herself does not diverge from the ideas of other philosophers. She does not present any philosophy of her own. In this aspect, she is a hypocrite to the very ideas she tries to preach. Oh well, to each their own. Who knows, maybe my opinion of Im Meari will change by the end of the series. Anyways, I’m still here for the romance between the actors and actresses and solving mysteries!

Ep 11 Preview Predictions

Here are my predictions for Ep 11 based off of the preview, they may or may not be correct !

Dong Kyung takes back the bracelet from Myul Mang after their conversation on the beach. Honestly, I’m growing tired of this whole giving/taking the bracelet type situation lol.

Dong Kyung enjoys a nice vacation with Myul Mang on Jeju island.

Dong Kyung returns from the vacation because she finds out that her aunt is sick (probably from worrying about Dong Kyung). Dong Kyung beats herself up about it.

Dong Kyung is sick again (probably from hating life...remember that I had theorized that the more Dong Kyung loves her life, the sicker Dora will be become) and Myul Mang in his desperation pleads with Dora to help him, but Dora’s version of helping him is to …. surprise surprise… teach him another lesson. The lesson is that the grass isn’t always greener on the other side and that Myul Mang and Dong Kyung complete each other for the better. Dora shows Myul Mang what their lives would've been like if they had never existed in each other’s lives.

Dong Kyung having never experience any kind of suffering would live a healthy life but become the most unappreciative and spoiled person ever. She may go on to finding that life was pretty meaningless and would want to put an end to it all. And Myul Mang having never met Dong Kyung wouldn't have any motivation or desire to grow as a person and so he would remain stagnant. And who knows… maybe at some point, that Myul would’ve became so angry with humans that he would personally go around killing every last one of them.

[alkalinefrog]

hey, so, I had an art related question... if all of this is too much, feel free to ignore it.

the backstory is that I've had the same laptop since early high school but recently I had a birthday (I'm 28 now). my parents got me an HP laptop, and my friend got me a tablet, which she bought off of an online friend for $30. the problem is that I haven't had new technology like... ever? none that was actually mine anyway, and certainly nothing that could handle me using it for art.

and this is especially a problem when it comes to the tablet. my friend helped me get firealpaca onto the laptop, and get the tablet set up with the right drivers, aaaaand... I cannot make one line that looks good using it. I've been using pen and paper for so long and I have a really light touch, and it feels like I have to jam the pen down to get it to register, at which point I might as well have not set the pen sensitivity to anything at all because the thickest line is the only kind I can make?? any lighter and it won't show up on the screen at all. like I can ctrl+z and it doesn't even go back a step, the line didn't get drawn. there's like a 20% chance that any line I try to put down won't actually register. and tbh this isn't really what I had wanted... it's a huion tablet, which is the brand I wanted, but I was gonna buy myself one where you can see what you're drawing on the screen of the tablet itself. not just due to coordination issues, I think I could get used to that part, but because I feel like I wouldn't be having this specific problem with getting things to register. every single line I make looks like crap with this tablet, it makes me feel like I might as well be drawing with my feet, and I've been fidgeting with settings, and it doesn't seem like anything helps. I also still don't have a mouse for the laptop yet, so I can't click and drag anything very well because it has a trackpad, so messing with sliders is already aggravating.

I feel so lost and overwhelmed, and like if I buy anything else, I'm just going to end up with more unusable stuff because *I'm* probably the problem. I just don't know anything, and trying is mentally fatiguing me so quickly... my brain knows what I want my art to look like, and my hands can do it with a real pen. I just have absolutely no clue how to make this machine produce anything.

so I guess my questions are stuff like, what equipment do you use? are there tablets that will register a light touch or am I really going to have to be this heavy handed in order to work with one? what resolution/canvas size do you usually work on? any recommendations for what program to use?

overall, I'd really like to get myself something that feels more intuitive than the tablet... honestly, I was finding some success drawing with just my finger on the touch screen of my phone at one point. there were still a lot of problems with that, but the nail in the coffin was that my phone's memory space filled up and I had to get rid of the drawing app to make it functional again (it's an iphone, which is why). maybe I should just get an ipad or something...? though, one more thing on the mountain of potential options is the last thing my crumbling ADHD brain needs. I've been taking a break from art in general because I've still maintained my 40-hours-a-week work schedule through the whole pandemic... I do 10 hour shifts and work overnight, so I technically have free time since I only work 4 days a week, but the type of work I do leaves me with no energy at all. so I've been in an art slump and I've been wanting to get out of it, but this is just making art feel impossible, even though the whole reason why I've always wished I could draw digitally is so that I can color digitally. I had been drawing things in pen and scanning them to color in photoshop, but cleanup takes so long that I literally can't produce finished work anymore. I'm out of options that aren't prohibitively labor intensive and frustrating.

this was probably way too much information, but if you have any advice I'd be really grateful.

Huh, well first off HAPPY BIRTHDAY DUDE!! Congrats on the sweet new tech (even if it's been a bit frustrating) and well-deserved celebration!

From the sounds of it I think the main issue is probably your tablet (this is pure speculation on my end though, so you know, grain of salt and all). You're right in that you shouldn't have to fight against your equipment. I have a really light touch too and I've never had the same issue. I personally don't have any experience with huion tablets, but if you're having trouble getting your lines to register then it might have been worn down by the previous user. It's not so much about buying a monitor (the screen one) vs. tablet so much as getting working equipment.

An iPad is a great alternative!! I've played around with the apple pencil and procreate and it's a super intuitive program with (obviously) super easy set up! You get the drawing on the screen AND really nice pen pressure. I'm really happy seeing it opening up new doors for more people to get into digital art!

In terms of your current laptop/tablet situation:

My set up rn is pretty pricey ngl; I have a PC desktop computer with a 16 inch Wacom Cintiq. Getting started in digital art doesn't mean you have to drop a bag on a ton of equipment right from the get go though! If you're looking for a safe small investment, I'd recommend getting a Wacom Bamboo pen tablet!

This lil' baby right here is what I started with!! I think cost-wise it floats around 70ish bucks, but that's exponentially more affordable than buying a huge monitor. One of my friends who's also a pro artist uses a similar small tablet because it works great! That's an alternative that might be worth looking into.

You can also get free trials on other drawing programs (clip studio paint is a great one!) To test and see if it's a software issue with firealpaca.

You could also try checking online forums to see if anyone else is running into similar issues, or watch some YouTube videos of people reviewing different tablets. I know this might be even more overwhelming, so I'd try and narrow the scope to focus on one thing at a time.

My best advice right now would actually be to get a mouse, or any other accessories you need. I've also been in your shoes where I was completely overwhelmed, and I can say that checking off all the small easy things makes a HUGE difference! It makes you feel more in control of the situation, and even if you're still having trouble with digital art you can at least get more comfortable using your laptop in the mean time.

You got this dude!! I believe in you!!

EDIT:

Thanks @wooliebirds!

[thrill-seeker-if]

oooo "falling asleep on your lover's shoulder" w/ N.

Hello Anon!! To make this more fun I'm going to do this pre-relationship, heavy crushing stage!!

(also, super glad N is getting the love they deserve)

Under the cut since I made it longer than I intended to! I accidentally made it 1231 words... oops uhihfiuhugfdhiuf

Another night. More dead ends.

You sighed, rubbing the tiredness out of your eyes. Looking at the same blank papers and getting the same stupid calls was draining the life out of you.

Every day, the same routine. You would get a call-- someone who thinks they know who's done it. They don't, really, in the end, and when you go to check it out, there's nothing.

Nothing. Always nothing.

Then, there were the sympathizers. Honestly, they were almost worse. The ones who told you all about how great of a woman your mother was. All the moments you could have seen, but missed. All the moments you should have shared. Their experiences-- which could have been yours.

But they weren't. And you would never get the chance again.

You understood they all had good intentions. They wanted to ease your burden. Share your pain. But with every trip, every false call, the bags under your eyes got darker. With every well meaning word and kind stranger, the tears threatened to spill over.

Tired. Numb. Scared. You didn't know what you felt more of right now, and you wished you could rub the problems away as you tried to make your vision less blurry.

You registered a sharp, shooting pain in your head, and sighed. Another headache. Another sleepless night. Another dead end.

You looked up, scouring the room for the Tylenol you had bought. Another belated realization-- you had just finished it all yesterday.

You buried your face into your hands, wishing you could just disappear. This headache was a little more painful than usual. Usually, its at and throbbed for a while and left, but this one spiked at your skull and back.

You could feel your vision shaking-- no, it wasn't your vision, it was your body. You know this feeling too well. When you were too tired, your body shook. You hated the feeling of losing control of your body, but you were starting to get much too used to it.

You lay on the bed, hoping that if you closed your eyes, maybe the pain would go away.

10 minutes. The throbbing was the same.

20 minutes. You were losing your mind.

30 minutes. You couldn't take it anymore!

You moved to the phone, typing in their number without even really registering it. You weren't sure if you liked how vulnerable you were allowing yourself to be-- but right now, all that mattered was getting rid of this damn headache!

Their cheery voice greeted you, and although the sound grated at your ears, you had never been more happy to hear it.

"N," You interrupted them. "Please, can you bring me some Tylenol? My head is killing me."

A pause. Then, simply, “Right away, sweetheart.”

With that, the call was done. You lied down on the bed, hoping they would come soon. Their hotel room was the floor under yours, since there wasn’t many available. 

A few minutes later, a knock at the door.

“The door is open,” You called out. 

Unlike their usual boisterous entrance, they swung the door open slowly and quietly and came over to you without making too much noise.

You noticed a water bottle in their hand, and gave them a smile of gratitude. You could always count on them.

You sat up, putting the pill into your mouth and gulping it down with the water. They watched you take it, not making a sound. 

“What time did you go to sleep, Y/N?” Their voice was low, and although their voice was kind, you felt as if you were getting scolded.

“I... didn’t.” You couldn’t find it in you to lie. You didn’t know if it was the drowsiness or just their presence-- it was always such a breath of relief to be around them.

Hopefully, just the drowsiness. You didn’t want to get more attached than you already were.

“I don’t think you need me to tell you all the reasons it’s bad for you to not get sleep. You’re smarter than that.” They gave you a smile. “I wouldn’t mind telling you, though.”

Your lips quirked upward. “Alright, really trying to rub in that you’re a medical professional, I see your bragging.” A thought occurred to you then. “Hey, why are you awake right now? It’s 3 in the morning!”

“I’m a light sleeper,” They said, but you knew they were lying. They were so honest, usually-- and you could always see the ingenuity in their eyes. When they lied, they turned their shoulders slightly away from you, averted their eyes.

Whatever. You shouldn’t pry. It’s not your place.

The pain was subsiding, just by a bit. You decided you could probably work again now that the pain was calming down.

You grabbed for your phone on your nightstand, just beside the bed, and they watched you pick the phone up. You turned it on-- the light hurt, much more than it should, and the medicine felt like you had never taken it in the first place.

But it didn’t matter. That didn’t matter. Pain could go away. This-- this sense of uselessness-- it wasn’t leaving.

“Y/N.” They tilted your head up to look at them. “This isn’t healthy.”

Words. Where were your words? Why did you always lose them when you looked into those beautiful brown eyes?

“I- I haven’t made any progress, N.” You hope they couldn’t hear the cracking of your voice. 

“Every step forward is a step in the right direction, sweetheart. It might not feel like it, but if you’re trying, you can do it.” They brought the hand away from your phone and up to cup your face, looking at you more intensely than you’ve seen ever seen them. “But you can’t try unless you give it your all-- and you can’t give it your all unless you have energy. You’re killing yourself, here, and I can’t just stand and watch you.”

Speechless. Always speechless. You could never muster up the right words around them.

“I don’t know what to do,” You whispered. “I don’t know. I don’t know.”

They pulled you toward their chest, holding you close. “You don’t always have to. Life isn’t about having all the answers. You’re only human, Y/N.” They ran their fingers slowly through your hair. “Just one step at a time, okay? Every step forward is progress.”

You always thought that phrase of theirs was a bit silly, but now you found comfort in it. It was so much a part of them... and they were almost a part of y

“Thank you,” You whispered. “Thank you for everything.”

“No problem, sweetheart,” They hummed it onto your hair, and moved your head towards their shoulders. A small sign of peace-- their way of saying you could rely on them, through their small actions.

You were more than happy to move towards their shoulder. It was more comfortable than you were expecting. Or, alternatively, you were much too tired to think, and everything felt comfortable when you were near them.

“Sleep.” A small command. You wouldn’t have argued anyway. 

Roses. They smelled like roses. You thought that in this moment, it might just be your favorite flower. 

With the thought of intricate petals and a field of thorns on your mind, you were pulled into sleep-- maybe the best one in a few days.

[verytiredblob]

My reviews on Manhwas

Alright so, recently I've began to fall into the great Manhwa hell, as if I didn't have enough fandoms.

But I neither have friends to chat about this with, nor a Discord chat where I can fanby about it, so I just decided to throw it in here.

These are both Manhwas I recommend and my opinions on them. If there are any spoilers, They will be striked through and in blue for anyone that wishes to avoid them (if anyone even reads this lol).

1. The Villainess Reverses the Hourglass (악녀는 모래시계를 되돌린다)

Premise: Aria was a terrible person and was sentenced to dead by being beheaded. In her final moments, she discovers her step sister, Mielle, actually manipulated her during her entire life just so she could get Aria killed. She then is beheaded, and wakes up in the past, in her child body. So now, she must work to both survive and get her revenge on her sister.

Lovely story, and my first Manhwa. The art is simply stunning, and all the characters are very flashed out and developed. Aria (MC) is the pettiest person alive and I'm here for that.

Also, I noticed a trend where, even though the manhwa has "Villainess" in the title, the MC is usually a total angel. Well, not here. Aria is egotistical and a total Diva, she has her goals and one of them is her revenge and by all that is sacred she'll get it.

Mielle is a great villain, she has grown a lot in her own pettiness and tactics since she was a child, and I really like that. Also, watching her suffer for being a terrible person is delightful.

The Male Lead (Asher) is also really cool, I like how he's both witty and friendly, and how much he truly admires Aria and her achievements.

The side characters are also pretty good, and they get a lot of focus because of their interactions with the main cast.

Again, The art is S T U N N I N G. Look at this:

Literally all panels are drawn like this or better, I'm in love.

All in all, an awesome read, 10/10, I love this a lot.

2. The Monster Duchess And Contract Princess (괴물 공작가의 계약 공녀)

Premise: Leslie's life was terrible, and always centered on her big sister, Eli. After a failed attempt of her family to grant Eli her sister's skills and knowledge, Leslie searches for the feared "Monster Duchess" in an attempt to survive.

Another one with incredible art AND incredible characters. Leslie is an absolute angel, and seeing her grow as a person is awesome.

The gender envy I feel with the Duchess is unbearable, she's utterly perfect. And the entire family is so dotting and loving and sweet, my little grinch heart can't take it.

She's perfection, really.

The plot keeps getting more and more mysterious, and I'm here for it!

I love each of the main characters a lot, and even the villains are well done and fuel your hatred.

Also, Eli Sperado and her Dad can choke on those black flames for all eternity.

Another 10/10, although I must warn anyone that wishes to read this that the translations sometimes are very spotty and messy, so it can be a bit annoying.

3. I'll be the Matriarch in this Life (이번 생은 가주가 되겠습니)

Premise: Firentia was a girl that died in Korea in her past life, and was reborn into an influential family as the illegitimate daughter of the third son. Her life was pretty terrible, with in the end, her family ending up in poverty and disgrace because of her uncles and cousins, while she was exiled from the family. After another accident, she wakes up in her past, now with a goal: Become the Lombardi matriarch and stop the other family heirs from bringing it to ruin.

Awesome art and Awesome plot number 3! This is so good, genuinely. Firentia is such an awesome plotter, and her goals and actions are very well developed.

The Male Lead is my baby and I shall protect him, and the side characters? Utterly stunning.

The twins are the cutest fucking shit, seriously. Like, look at these two?? I'm dead. Although, all the children are very, veeery cute.

I like how Firentia subtly manipulates things around her to get what she wants. It's similar to Aria, but she's much more mature and knowledgeable, and has a much less petty goal.

Guess what? 10/10. Yeah, I know, I'm terrible at grading, sue me.

4. The Twins Siblings' New Life (쌍둥이 남매의 뉴라이프)

Premise: Arien and Arjen were a pair of twins that died in Korea, and were reborn again as twins and as the Emperor's illegitimate children. Now, with only each other to trust, they must do their best to survive.

My current obsession. I really like this one. The art is not on the same level of pure Awesome like the ones before, but it's pretty good nonetheless.

The plot is pretty nice, but I must warn you: DO NOT expect them to act like adults. Honestly, just forget they're meant to be reborn in this world. They're just normal children and that's it. They act like children, and they think like children. Honestly, I think the author just wanted to make this story about them as children and their producer went and said to make them reincarnates because that Isekai shit is popular nowadays (And to justify they having memories of their newborn days). Seriously, just ignore it, the experience reading will be much better.

Other than that, the story develops nicely. The characters are all very good and the plot is very mysterious. I am holding myself back to not spoil anything, aaaaa.

There is also only one another thing that disappoints me: Arien is very clearly the MC. The story is told by her eyes and we only know what Arjen thinks or feels when he says it 9 or by subtext). I really wish it was more balanced, because they're both different people and have different perspectives, and also I really like Arjen.

I have absolutely no idea where this plot is gonna go, and honestly? I like it. It's very rare when I don't know how things are gonna develop because of other stories, so it feels very fresh.

The brothers are freaking awesome. I was so scared they were going to hate the twins and be petty, because of other manhwas that are like that, but they're so loving and sweet?? All hail these idiots. Also, Daddy is the biggest dumbass of all, this poor clueless man.

An 8/10, because of the complaints above. Still a good read, and I really like it, even with it's defects.

4. I'm A Stepmother, But My Daughter Is Just Too Cute! (계모인데 딸이 너무 귀여워)

Premise: A seamstress dies of overwork in Korea, and wakes up in the body of Abigail, the vain Queen, and the evil stepmother to the princess Blanche. Yes, It's like she stepped into the world of Snow White, and she must now do her best to live and.. Dote on Blanche with toys and dresses as much as possible?

Again with the awesome art and nice plot. Why are there so many manga with awesome art?? I'm so envious.

May all hail this crispy, delicious art.

Abigail is a whole mood, and I enjoy how she is inserted into the life of someone who had already lived and had a reputation. Her actions baffle a lot of the characters, as do her motivations, and I'm here for it.

The King has also an amazing backstory that's very tragic and yikes. I enjoy it, really. Not something you see in men's backstories that much.

Also, I'm kinda saddened by the fact the MC and the king are bound to become an actual couple. They would be such good platonic friends stuck in a political marriage. I was robbed, y'all.

Abigail greatest ambition is to get to design a dress for Blanche and have her wear it, and you know what? Good for her! Sometimes, it's good to have an MC that is not plotting against world at large.

Also, her mirror? Verite is simply perfect, I love this guy. I non-jokingly ship him with Abigail more than her with the King.

Blanche is a sweetheart, she deserves to be in my "adopted children" wall.

For now it's more of a Slice of Life than anything? But I also don't know what happens in the novels, so I'm just going to wait.

For the current lack of a grater plot, this gets a 7/10. Still pretty good and entertaining, especially for when you just don't feel like trying to understand deep plots with lots of elements.

5. Beware of the Brothers! (그 오빠들을 조심해!)

Premise: Another one of those "I lived my life and then wake up in the past." Hari was adopted by this family after the death of their only daughter, and although her parents love her, her 3 older siblings very much don't. She lives a miserable life in their hands, and when it's the night before she is to get married and finally escape her brothers, she wakes up in the past, and has to deal with them all over again.

Another nice art one, and the background characters are very nice, as is the MC.

But for me, it has a big problem. And that problem is the main ship. It's Hari with her eldest brother, Eugene. Even though they are not related and yadda yadda yadda, they were raised as such, and thus it bothers me. Also, Eugene is as plain as white bread and just as generic when seen as the Male Lead.

I ship Hari with Johan, even though I know it's not gonna happen, Ugh, the pain..

For me, the main point in this is Hari's relationship with her other siblings and the other background characters. I'm here for that wholesome sibling interaction. Her relationship with Erich, specially, is awesome. I love these two so much

It also kinda lacks a plot? Other than the relationship development and their story as a family, but again, I have no idea how they will develop this.

Also, pet peeve? Why do they keep using Oppa instead of translating it properly as brother? I get honorifics and stuff, but it's so annoying.

I give it a 6/10. Good characters and good relationships outside of the bloody incest thing, and it's a good enough way to pass the time.

There are two more that I've read, buut it's like 4am and I'm sleepy as all hell, so I'll just add it in a reblog or attached post later, and I plan on doing this for other future manhwas as well.

Do you have any recommendations or comments or just wanna talk about any of these manhwas? Hit me up!

[hacked-by-jake]

Hey Ho! :D

You will always find this post in my blog description.🥰

(Well, since there’s not really much information about me, here’s a post of things you’ve been interested in and some facts about me.)

(Thanks to the Anon for the motivation to do this here! <3)

-----

So, Hi! You can call me HBJ! I don’t want to mention my real name and age here. 😁

I started publishing my fanfictions here on Tumblr a little over a year ago and haven’t left since. xD

My mother tongue is not English, I am from Germany. So if you find some mistakes, please excuse it, I’m doing my best and still learning. <3

I honestly have no idea what to write here so, have fun, if anyone reads through this here. 😂 At least that’s a little bit of me. :D

>The Ask Box is always open. So feel free to ask a question if you are interested (but I want to warn you, I am not answering everything, but I will let you know in this case) < <3

-------------------------------------------

Let's start! ❤️🌹🎭

-------------------------------------------

First of all 10 Random Facts about me. This was asked by an anon. Here is the original post.

I’m a giant nerd, there’s no place in my room that’s not full of merchandise.

I prefer to read stories that are self-published, for example here on Tumblr or on other sites, rather than real books.

I have a problem with jackets, I have tons of them.

I usually dye my hair according to the colors of characters I like.It all started with green/purple - because of the Joker. And the last color I have at the moment is all green because of Joker / Loki from Marvel (Oups)

Almost all tattoos I have are about fictional characters (also Oups)

No one, really nobody knows what books/stories I read because that’s something very private to me.

I listen to music 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Also, it’s hard for me / I don’t like to talk about the music I listen to because this is very intimate for me for some reason.

When I watch a series, it’s at least 2 times behind each other, sometimes more often. But never just once.

Films that I watch for the first time and that excite me, I watch every second that I have time. When the movie is over, I start again unless there are several parts. But then I always watch my favorite one 500 times.

-----

Random questions from you.

(Asked by @procrastinatingrobin) -One place that you'd like to travel at least once in your life?

---- One of my biggest wishes is (what a cliché xD) New York. For example the “Joker Stairs”, which is one of my biggest dreams. *-*

I would love to travel to a lot of locations from my favorite movies/series.🤭

America in general is a dream for me (a German potato 😂😅).

But there are so many beautiful places to which I want to go. For example, I would love to travel to Tenerife. I know someone who lives there and every time I see pictures I get very jealous. xD

Unfortunately, I’m incredibly afraid of flying, so if that doesn’t improve, I’ll never get anywhere near these places.😫😂😂

---

(Asked by Anon) How many tattoos do you have?😄

I love tattoo questions. 😂🤭At the moment I have eleven tattoos🥰

---

(Asked by Anon) -What's your favorite animal?

Hmmm I don’t really know, I think they are dogs because I have a dog now. *-* But to be honest, turtles are so cool.🤔 My brother has a turtle named: Schiggy (based on Pokémon)🤭

---

(Asked by Anon) -The stupidest thing that ever happened to you?

Ohhh hahaha there I have something good!😅Story Time with Hbj xD

Okay: As some might know, I’m a big fan of The Joker by DC.🃏Well, in 2019, the Joker movie with Joaquin Phoenix came to the cinemas and I was at the cinema premiere with my best friend. And the movie was absolutely amazing. I really wanted to watch the movie again..Aaaaand I was lucky because my best friend’s boyfriend also wanted to see the movie in the cinema so I went back to the cinema 5 days later to watch the movie again. I was so excited and so extremely happy that I trembled and could not stand still. xD And for these two reasons, I accidentally dropped my not really old phone. It just fell straight down on the stones in front of the cinema and the display was completely broken..Well, what can I say? I needed a new one.. 😂😅But the movie was still fantastic!😍🤭This is actually one of the stupidest things that ever happened to me. xD

---

(Asked by @kyras-things) What are the little things that make your day happiest?

Oh that’s a really nice question! *-*Well, I have really little things that can make me happy. :)-It is enough for me when I wake up tomorrow and see my merchandise shelf😅 (This is right in front of my bed)This is for most something really small but for me really great and makes me happy. <3Other things are music, stroking my dog, messages on my phone, my hair color, my tattoos, when the sun is shining in the morning, coffee, riding longboard and of course (yes this is my absolute serious and not only so therefore said) tumblr and thus at the same time Duskwood. 💕I think these are the most important things. 🤭All I need is to see something that matters to me.😅🥰

---

(Asked by @leetjep) Seriously....Do you ever sleep?

Very rarely😂 Last time I slept was in fall.😂

---

(Asked by Anon) Ios or android?

Only related to the phone: Android.Yes, I stand by it!😂

---

(Asked by @booklover-01040) Hello!I was wondering have you got any paranormal or creepy experiences? If no, then a nightmare that you will never forget.

Hey Ho! In fact, I haven’t experienced any paranormal things. Which is probably also because I don’t believe in that and I’ve found a rational cause for everything so far. (Important: I don’t believe in it, but I don’t say it doesn’t exist, I don’t want anyone to feel attacked)

And a nightmare I’ll never forget? In fact, I can’t think of any one. There’s a dream I’ve have since I was a kid: It’s about two little wolves trying to eat me. xD And I can even tell where that came from.

The movie to blame for this is: Twilight xD

Yep… When I first watched this movie, I was way too young, and as a child I was always very anxious. Just such things and horror movies in general were terrible for me (today it is actually no longer so) (Even the dream is no longer bad today and yet it has a bitter aftertaste of childhood.)

In any case, I was much too young and that did not let me go back then. xD But a really unsettling dream I had was: Well.. Do you know the Pink Panther? 😂

I once dreamed that the Panther “chased” me through an endless long corridor. It was an endless corridor in pink with countless doors. He sang the theme song and threw clocks at me…😅 And that went on all night until I woke up.

(This, by the way, had a trigger too. A German song (the rapper only took the melody of the title music and wrote his own lyrics. The text isn’t really cool though and that’s the reason)

----

(Asked by @dreamer-writer-fangirl) What color is your hair?

Well, at the moment my hair is green🤭

Check HERE and HERE for pictures.

----

(Asked by Anon) Is your brother younger or older than you?🤗

My brother is older than me.🥰

----

(Asked by Anon) Do you have a nickname?

Yes, actually I have one. I can even say it because it has nothing to do with my real name. :D But please don’t laugh at me. 😂Well, I have the loving nickname: Little Onion. yep…My mom gave me that name for some reasons. 😂

----

(Asked by Anon) some information about your dancing?😄 you mentioned it a few days ago💃

Yeah, well, I danced for 13 years, in different groups, also several groups at the same time. :D It was the hip hop/breakdance direction. But at some point I stopped because I didn’t enjoy it in the groups anymore and time was getting tighter. :/ Unfortunately, there was and is no real other groups here, which is why I stopped completely and now only dance for myself and just for fun.🤭

--

(Asked by Anon) What's your favourite food ?

Uhhhm, I think everything with pasta is my favorite food.😂 I can eat noodles all day. 🤭🍝🍜Well, and of course, Pizza!🍕Pizza is adorable. 😂

----

(Asked by Anon) What type of video games do you like to play?

I don’t really have a favorite type / genre, I don’t play video games that often. I’m actually playing what looks exciting to me without any particular genre or type. 😁🤭

But if I do, I guess I’m the most Nintendo type. So most of the games I play are related to Nintendo. <3

--

(Asked by @mirajane01040-duskwoodmemes) Do you play... Minecraft?

I used to play a lot of Minecraft, but nowadays not so much, and if so, then only the mobile version. This is fun for in between and dispels the boredom. I even started building Duskwood several times, but never finished it. xD Well, yes, sometimes I play Minecraft.

Answer a few days later: Yes, I do!

---

(Asked by Anon) If you could be a fictional character, who would it be and why?

Oh, there are a few. xDBut the three main characters for me: Evey Hammond because of V for Vendetta. Harley Quinn because of The Joker. And, of course, my MC because of Jake. 🤭I know, very superficial reasons but I hope they are enough for you, because these are the main reasons xD 😅🤭

---

(Asked by Anon) Hey hbj i'm curiousFamily or a career? 😋

I choose the career.🤭 After that, there is still enough time, and who says that not both work?😉

---

(Asked by Anon) do you like alcohol?🍷

No, absolutely no. Not a little bit.

---

(Asked by Anon) What is your favorite drink?

If I don’t drink coffee, I only drink sparkling water, my entire life. I very rarely drink something different. Water for life! 🧊

---------------------

Either/or questions from you.

(Asked by @duskwood-legacies) -What would you rather see, Northern Lights or sky lanterns?

That’s easy for me🤭 Northern Lights! If you ask me.. that is magical! *-* (Well, unless it’s like “Tangled” and I get a Flynn Rider.. then sky lanterns xD)

---

(Asked by @duskwood-legacies) -Strawberries or raspberries?

Definitely: Strawberries🍓 *-*

---

(Asked by@duskwood-legacies) Do you prefer angst or fluff?

I think it depends on the general mood I’m in.🤔 I think the best is angst with happy ending.😁

---

(Asked by@duskwood-legacies) Milk or cereal first?

Obviously: Cereal first! 😂🥣

---

(Asked by @justubi) Would you rather have a nosy neighbor pr noisy neighbor?

Unfortunately, I have both. xD But if I could choose, I would opt for the noisy neighbor as I wear headphones all day anyway.😂

---

(Asked by @justubi) Would you rather be poor but love your job or rich but absolutely hate your job?

One hundred percent and without having to think about: poor and love my job!I could never have a job I don’t like. This is a real horror imagination for me😂

---

(Asked by @kyras-things ) Prefer to write fanfics or read them?

Oh that’s a really hard question for me! 🤔 I can’t really make up my mind, but I think I’d rather read than write myself. With stories of others I can better dive into another world and relax. 🤭Because when I write, five hundred other thoughts always fly around in my head and I have to decide how to write something etc.I love writing but sometimes I wish I only had to think about a story and it would be written on a sheet right away. xD <3

---

(Asked by @leetjep) Would you rather have one eye in the middle of your head or two noses?

I take the eye in the middle of my head. 😂Then I would make the Jake eye as a tattoo around it, which would be really cool.🤭

---

(Continues on new asks)

[catcze]

Oh, Catte, my beloved... The bracelet is so beautiful. Goodness, did I cry when I took it out of the envelope. It's almost as beautiful as you are, I love it so much! I'm never ever taking this off. Oh starlight I'm so happy, you may as well have just proposed! I love you so so much, thank you💜💜💜

I'm glad Cyno is doing well for himself these days! It's not really that complex of a spell, simple transmutation really, but I'm sure he didn't want to overwhelm you. He may not talk a lot but trust me; he cares. I should write him sometime, if only so the next time an emergency arises he won't think I only remember he exists when I need his help, hehe... I'm joking of course, he's not the kind of person to care. I do still owe him a favor though. Two, now that he's gone out of his way to teach my girlfriend magic, and specifically for helping you make me this wonderful present. Send along my thanks please, but please don't mention that I said I'd write him, just in case I somehow forget to. You know me, heh..

Also I'm a little surprised to hear that name again! Collei was quite the visitor when she was here a few years ago, it's a long story, and one I doubt very much she'd want me to tell. Suffice to say she and Amber are good friends, but I'm sure she already asked you about her as soon as you mentioned Mondstadt. I'm so relieved to hear she's safe, and studying medicine no less! Tell her I'm proud of her. She'll do great things in her life.

I must admit I'm slightly bothered to hear that so many scholars accosted my poor babygirl to ask if I'd return, I'm so sorry darling. If they give you any more trouble, oh I'll come visit alright. To dispense punishment(although I'd definitely grab some food on the way as we left). Speaking of food, that's so sweet of you to offer to learn the local cuisine just for me~ you're so thoughtful, it's one of the many many things I love about you. My reputation around the school is honestly the only accomplishment you'll find though sweetheart. I wasn't really all that social there, aside from talking to the professors and scholars. I couldn't afford to procrastinate if I wanted to learn everything I could. Funny, that sounds completely unlike me, now doesn't it~ Those lectures can be tiresome at first, did they provide you with the appropriate reading materials, or are you only listening? I still have my copy of the first semester alchemy textbook--it's only about 800 pages, but they're packed to the brim with knowledge. I still reference it sometimes.

Like I mentioned though, most of my time in Sumeru was spent at the Academy or at the local restaurants. If you wanted food recommendations, those I can provide, but unfortunately I won't be of much use otherwise. Sorry cutie~

[the next page of the letter is a list of local restaurants, many with recommended dishes written next to them. There's also a fair number of heart shapes and "I love you"s doodled around the edges of the paper]

I hope you'll try at least some of those and tell me what you think. The more you talk about it honestly, the more it's beginning to grow on me. I do want to go back and visit with you, my love. I miss it, even if I don't want to admit that. It would be so much fun to sight see with you, being able to just meander aimlessly through the city, not a care in the world, and with you by my side... That sounds amazing. I'd want nothing more. Perhaps for our honeymoon~? [the last sentence of the paragraph is crossed out with a single streak of ink cutting through it]

Your photos are all amazing, darling. I just wish I had as many to send you in return, but unfortunately I don't own a camera, nor can I afford to leave the library long enough to travel to Liyue and buy one. That being said, Albedo does have one, and he already took that first photo. Darling, I'm curious, and please, *please* say no if it would bother you even slightly. If I... Perhaps wanted to take some... Pictures, just for your enjoyment~ ...would you mind if I had Albedo continue to serve as the photographer? I want my baby to be thinking of me, especially since I'm not there to pleasure you myself~💜 again, PLEASE say no if you'd have any problem with that. Or I could ask Jean if that would be better. I just want to treat my princess to some candy~

That line is going to have me up all night, I swear. I do wish I was there for you in every sense, but goodness does my heart ache for you. I miss the way you taste so much, my precious little munchkin~ you're not going to sleep at all the first night you're back in my arms, I hope you know that. I'm going to edge you so hard you'll cry for me, hehe~ I'm a little peeved you didn't take notice of my comment about punishing you! There will be ropes involved when you return to me. Just the way you always like it, cutie~ tell me, how bad do you miss me? Miss my tongue you love so much~? Don't worry baby--you'll get everything you could ever want for when you come home. I can't wait to taste you~ goodness, excuse me a moment baby... I need to scratch an itch before I finish writing this letter, hehe...~

Okay, I'm back. That was quite the itch, it just kept coming back~ that picture you sent with this letter may have helped with that... Celestia, you're so so beautiful, my rose..~ I love you so much.

Where was I... Ah yes. I'm very glad you've been eating and sleeping properly. Such a good girl you always are~💜 and don't worry; I'm taking care of myself as well. I've been becoming more adjusted to the late nights lately, since your letters often arrive around this hour(it's 11:30 right now, although up until a page ago it had been 10:15, hehe...). I don't mind it at all, since you know I love to sleep in anyway. I love reading your letters sweetheart. They truly do carry your love across the distance. I'm so happy that you're my partner. I love you so so much. I reread your letters every day, they put such a smile on my face.

Also, what's this about ideas you're having ever since I mentioned the uniform? Tell me!! Pretty please~? 💜

I'm going to call my letter to a close here, before I end up needing a bigger envelope, hehe~ I love you so much, starlight. Please take care, and I hope you're well rested when you read this. Hopefully I can put a smile on your beautiful face. I just wish I was there to see it. I love you so much, take care and write me back when you can, promise~?

Yours Always,

- Lisa 🌺💜

Milddd nsfw here muaH <33

Hi, love, I’m so happy that you like your gift! I love you very much as well— hopefully it can give you comfort on some particularly hard nights where I cannot be with you, dearest. Sort of like a reminder that although I cannot be there with you in person, you always carry a piece of my heart with you, you know?

I’ll be sure to relay your message to Cyno and Collei! They were rather surprised when they found out I was your girlfriend, haha! In a good way, of course— they’ve been great company so far.

And don’t worry about the other scholars, Lisa dear. I can handle them plenty fine. I’m sure they’ll go running if I even so much as imply that you wouldn’t be pleased with them for their behavior, my love. They wouldn’t want to mess with one of the best sorcerers to ever roam those halls, you know?

Regarding the lectures, they offered to loan me some textbooks actually, but I had to turn them down since, well, I am just an observer, and carrying so many books with me to and fro would weigh me down. Still, although I sometimes get confused while I observe, It’s such a fun and interesting experience! I can’t say I’m remembering every bit of knowledge I hear, but I’ve definitely learned at least a thing or two.

Just yesterday, there was a bit of a lull in lectures that I was attending— something about one of the scholars who had agreed to host me taking their class out to fieldwork, and I was unable to accompany them. So I took the time to check out some of the restaurants you listed for me! I went to just one of them for lunch, since I didn’t want to get too full throughout the day, and I enjoyed it very much!! I included a picture of one of the dishes you noted for me (a best seller of theirs, apparently) and I didn’t regret purchasing it at all. It was so good! In my free time, it’s one of the recipes that I hope to familiarize and bring back home to you— I think you’ll rather like it, especially since there’s no meat. Hopefully I’ll get good enough at making it that you’ll be able to savor the flavor too!

Though, I don’t mind either if you’d rather return with me next time, and we can have a dinner date here? I really like the ambiance of the place— its both romantic and private. And the view from the balcony here is absolutely magical. Or we can maybe visit a couple of the other restaurants you’ve recommended to me? I doubt that I’ll be able to try all of them this time, and being able to experience it with you would make the experience a million times better.

Also, regarding the photos you mentioned— well, I’m fine with it if you are. As long as you’re comfortable with whoever is photographing you love, then it’s perfectly alright with me. Besides, I know that we’re devoted to each other, so there’s no cause for me to be uncomfortable 💞 If you so wish to grant me such photos, I eagerly await them, love! They’re not the same as you being here, of course, but I’m sure they could help me with how much I miss you.

And ah, sending such things only makes me miss you more! Perhaps I should take a good, long rest before I come back to Mondstadt, if you plan to keep me up all night. And who says I didn’t notice your comment? Perhaps I was just teasing you by keeping quiet about it, especially if I know what’s awaiting me back home. And yes, I miss you so so much, I miss your tongue and you lips, your touch on my skin, the way you hold me and make me feel so good each and every time— Love, really, if your intention with that letter was to get me all worked up, then safe to say you’ve succeeded. My, I doubt I’m going to be getting any sleep tonight, thinking of you.

And regarding that bit about the Academy uniform… well, I might have found a local seamstress who was willing to make me a version of it, tailored to my measurements. It’s not ready quite yet, but hopefully I can send you some photographs soon 💞

By the way, love, there’s no need to have to wait up for my letters, not if you’re not getting enough sleep! I don’t mind waiting a bit for your reply as long as I know you’re sleeping on time. I worry about you as much as you worry about me, so for both your sake and mine, promise me you’ll get enough sleep? Either way, though, I’m glad you’re taking care of yourself, dearest. It makes me happy, knowing that you and the others are doing well. I love you very, very much you know? Please continue to stay safe, dearest, and know that I’m always missing you.

And, well, regarding a proper proposal, though I can’t say I haven’t thought of it before (how could I not? I can fully envision spending the rest of my life with you) I would much prefer if I were able to give you the ring and ask you in person, love. That being said, take the bracelet as a promise that I’ll return to you soon— and hopefully with a ring that I think you’ll like and a question that I plan to ask you.

All the best wishes, dearest. I love you very much 💞

—Catte 💞

[wondereads]

Personal Review (11/14/21)

Caraval by Stephanie Garber

Why am I reviewing this book?

I checked this book out from the library and ended up finishing it in half a day. I honestly can't wait to talk about it!

Want something short and sweet? Check out my tiktok

Plot 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Scarlett Dragna is getting ready for her marriage, her only escape from her abusive father, when she receives two tickets to Caraval, a magical performace—one for her, one for her sister, Donatella. After Donatella tricks her into attending, Scarlett is separated from her and discovers that the objective this year is to find her sister, and the prize is one wish. Nothing in Caraval is supposed to be real, but Scarlett fears Donatella is in great danger.

I was so engaged in this story. There were so many twists and turns; I never knew who to trust or what was real and what wasn't. It was fast paced, despite being longer for a YA book, and I could barely put it down. The history of Caraval was so interesting, and the different "characters" brought little bits and pieces as the story progressed. There were always more questions to be answered, and I was tricked so many times.

The whole theme of Caraval is that it's all an elaborate performance, so you can't trust what you see. Scarlett is deceived, and so was I. So many times, in fact, that I had trouble accepting the ending. I was so ready for someone to pop out and be like "ahaha, gotcha!", but it never came, and it's probably how Scarlett was feeling at the time too. Absolutely amazing.

Characters 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Scarlett was a great main character. She was likable, she had good motivations, and she was a great lens for the readers to experience the story through. I'm actually a little disappointed that the next book is from the perspective of Donatella because I liked Scarlett so much.

Scarlett also had great chemistry with Julian. I've found it a little hard to get into YA romances lately, but these two definitely got me out of a slump. Even though I had a hard time trusting Julian, I so desperately wanted him to be good so he and Scarlett could be together.

I'm not going to lie, Donatella got on my nerves. As someone with a younger sibling that doesn't take things seriously, it was aggravating. However, I still wanted her to be safe, which is probably due to to how strongly Scarlett's emotions came across.

Finally, fuck Marcello Dragna.

Writing Style 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

The writing style in this book, while not unique, was on point. The descriptions of Caraval and Scarlett's emotions were incredibly vivid, and it's probably why Garber was able to trick me so many times. Also, the pacing was on point. I was never bored, there was always something happening, and the tension never let up. This section is very short because I can't think of something to critique.

Overall 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

This was the first book I read from my library haul because someone said it was amazing, and they were so right. Caraval really deserves this 10. The plot is fast-paced and engaging, the characters are well-developed and likable, and the twists were so well executed. I was totally invested, and I loved the ending. When I go back to the library, I will definitely be checking out Legendary, the next book in the series. I would recommend this book for people who enjoy fantasy, the carnival aesthetic, and not being able to trust your own eyes.

The Author

Stephanie Garber: American, also wrote Once Upon a Broken Heart

The Reviewer

My name is Wonderose; I try to post a review every two weeks, sometimes once a week, usually over vacations. I take recommendations! Check out my about me post for more!

[aros001]

Going in blind: Watching season 1 for the first time. Random thoughts.

This show is kind of nice because I have no memories of the original She-Ra show, or even any of He-Man, honestly. I'm not sure if I ever watched the original, so I have no frame of reference for how the series is "supposed" to be. I can just take it and judge it as is.

Of the bat, all I know is that supposedly She-Ra and Catra get together as a romantic couple later, but I'm also a huge My Hero Academia fan and the fandom around me ships every character with every other character, so for all I know that might just be shipper wishful thinking I've been seeing and hearing. Given fandoms for Gravity Falls, Thor, and Supernatural ship even siblings together, I've learned not to trust anything except for what I see in the series for myself.

By the way, this isn't a review, just random thoughts and comments I'm having as I'm going through season 1 for the first time.

Episodes 1 and 2: Right off, I really like Catra's "No duh" response to Adora about the truth of the horde. She knows they've been lying to them and have been doing terrible things, she just doesn't care. If she and Adora play their cards right they could end up being the ones in charge and then they'd have all that power. Not necessarily to make things better but enough to where they could do whatever and live however they want. That's a good build for an antagonist. Not ignorant to the fact what they're doing is wrong, just simply so selfish that they don't care.

Episode 3: It really feels like there was no good reason why Glimmer didn't just outright introduce Adora to her mother and every reason she should have known it was a bad idea to try and hide her for a surprise. Being a former horde soldier she'd probably get treated with hostility if Glimmer brought her to the front gate but you'd almost guarantee Adora would get arrested or outright killed if she got caught while no one else knew she was there.

On the other side, we have Hordak being pretty intelligent in promoting Catra. He probably knows Shadow Weaver already doesn't like him, so it's not like he's losing anything making her upset with him, and it's clear she favors Adora way more than Catra, so that little bit of advancement towards Catra probably goes a long way in earning her loyalty to him and a person on the inside with Shadow Weaver.

Also, I'm not the only one who saw Madam Razz and immediately thought Adora had found her Yoda, right?

Episode 4: I don't know how it was in the original She-Ra and He-Man series but I kind of like She-Ra being this title from legend. Adora is not the first She-Ra, given what Razz was talking about with a Mara, so instead of being something new, impressing everyone with abilities they've never seen before, and creating the legend, Adora is placed in a position WAY over her head where she's having to live up to what came before her.

Episode 5: Calling it now, as long as her personality is genuine I think Scorpia is going to be one of my favorite characters in this show. She's...endearing, I think is the best word. She's like a mix of Kronk and a nicer Shego.

For a little bit I thought Mermista was voiced by the same actress who played Poison Ivy in the Harley Quinn animated series. She's not but they do have the same kind of Daria-ish inflections, thus by confusion. Given the prom episode, Sea Hawk feels kind of like her Kite Man.

Episode 6: Okay, now it's between Scorpia and Entrapta who are likely to be my favorites by the end of this. She's fun and quirky.

Episode 7: Quite the lore drop. Shadow Weaver was once a Mystacor sorceress known as Light Spinner. I like to imagine we'll get more on that later. Her haunting Adora reminded me of the Teen Titans' episode where Robin was similarly haunted by Slade. This didn't go as far as that but that's probably for the best, since TT had two and a half seasons to build that dynamic up with Robin and Slade while we're only now halfway through the first season.

Episode 8: Well dang. Again, I don't know for sure if Adora and Catra do end up together but boy do I buy why they're shipped together after that dance. Also, good on Bow for standing up for himself. It's clear that he'll always be Glimmer's friend and this won't change that but that doesn't mean he has to just accommodate her. I understand where her issues stem from but I am still glad he gave her a reality check. It helps him feel a little more like his own character.

Also, another nice little bit of lore and worldbuilding. Scorpia's a princess, the horde landed where her people lived, and they seemed to join them willingly.

Episode 9: Surprisingly don't have a lot to say about this other than I don't buy for a second that Entrapta is dead (EDIT: She's not). This was mostly action.

Episode 10: Not going to lie, this one kind of annoyed me a little, at least the first half. The conversation between Glimmer and her mother saved it a bit. It was a bit of a trifecta. You have the alliance breaking apart, saying that the loss of Entrapta only happened because they were all together...even though Entrapta only "died" because of her own machine obsession that caused her to deliberately walk back into the purging chamber. You have Entrapta who might be turning to the horde's side because she feels abandoned by the other princesses...even though they thought she was dead, and again it was her fault they got separated. And you have Glimmer refusing to tell her mother that Shadow Weaver's dark magic has caused her powers to go on the fritz and is causing her great pain. It just feels like none of this would be an issue if most of these people would stop being self-absorbed for three seconds and talk like any normal person would. It feels very CW drama, like something I'd see in a bad season of Arrow or The Flash. The only person whose issues I buy is Adora, who is basically a soldier who was never properly raised to deal with emotion or loss and is already struggling with the burden of being She-Ra, the legendary savior. I get why she's beating down on herself for not being able to do more even if nothing that happened was her fault.

Episode 11: JEEEEEEEEEZZZZ, that was such a good episode! Focused entirely on Adora and Catra and their past together. Like, just showing someone this episode alone could probably get them to want to watch the series. That was everything you needed to know about their dynamic and history together.

Also, that moment when Catra and her past self are looking at each other, while obviously Catra takes the opposite lesson, it reminded me of this fanart I'd once seen of Jason Todd, the Red Hood, looking at his past self as Robin. The past says to the future "You ruined everything". Catra could be happy but, ironically for someone who hates Shadow Weaver, she's probably going to be a lot like her, sacrificing everything for power and ambition.

Given the way she looked, I'm guessing Shadow Weaver is either addicted to the power of the Black Garnet or she suffered some kind of past injury and its power is the only thing keeping her going. Or both.

Episode 12: I'll be honest, Swiftwind being able to talk kind of gobsmacked and I needed a moment to recover. What a great voice they chose for that character.

So She-Ra is kind of like the legendary heroes from Rising of the Shield Hero, coming from a long line of people chosen to wield the sword. I tend to dislike chosen one types of stories because I think prophecy takes a lot of weight out of the character's actions, so this and Avatar are more what I like. The MC is special but not the only one who's ever been special and they can still easily fail. Their destiny was only to be able to use the weapon, not that they would succeed in any specific purpose.

And dang, Catra's turn against Shadow Weaver happened faster than I thought it would but I'm not complaining. That great "This is what you've really been preparing me for" speech and Hordak, again, being an intelligent villain. "Oh, this experiment could net me a MASSIVE gain and all it could potentially cost me is this rock I already gave away to someone who lately hasn't been producing any results and has been consistently disobeying me. Yeah, I'm going to let this play out."

Episode 13: That was kind of a brutal fight between Adora and Catra. Not the worst I've ever seen even in other shows for this age range (Samurai Jack, for example) but those punches are connecting and those claws are leaving marks.

Also, maybe I'm just misunderstanding the exact situation but shouldn't the good guys' side be called the Resistance instead of the Rebellion? Being a rebellion would imply they are rebelling against an established power or rule over them, but the actual conflict we are shown is the established power and rule that is the kingdoms of Eternia resisting an outside force that wishes to establish a new order over them.

Season 1 verdict: I'm into it. I'm definitely more invested in the villains' side of things but that's not a fault of the series, that stuff is just way more geared towards me than the current princess stuff. I actively am at attention whenever the horde main characters are on screen. For the good guys it's mostly Adora and the She-Ra stuff I'm invested it. That isn't to say I have any real dislikes for that side. Bow especially I'm liking much more than I thought I might. He has kind of this gravitational pull around him. You will be his friend regardless of how much you might want to resist. He's definitely the rock for everyone else to hold onto.

Minor side note, kind of like Korra in Legend of Korra, I love how even when her powers aren't active Adora is shown to still be pretty strong physically with how easily she was lifting people up at the prom.

And I was right, Scorpia is my favorite side character.

On to season 2!

Original Reddit post: https://www.reddit.com/r/PrincessesOfPower/comments/nyll2e/going_in_blind_watching_season_1_for_the_first/