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peter pettigrew
mil @static-radio-ao3 and i have been doing some deep thinking about our dear pete.......
primarily, we decided that he grew up w a lot of siblings, in a middle class family who lived on a farmhouse in the countryside with a wood nearby that they all spent a lot of time exploring. constant muddy wellies and scabbed knees from climbing trees and splashing about in the stream. the chaos of a busy house that's filled w love. think nanny mcphee, swallows and amazons, lost boys vibes
peter is the second oldest. and he's basically a mischievous little woodland sprite. like he's incredibly cherubic-looking and generally thought to be a ‘lovely, polite young man’, old ladies loooove to pinch his cheeks, but he's got this glint in his eye that's just a little too sharp, his laughter a little too mean, his pranks a little too cruel. and he's always up to one trick or another, plotting some mischief with one of his siblings.
when he gets to hogwarts and meets the other marauders, he's the one with that trickster experience, like actually who would the others have been pranking before hogwarts yk...... so i like to think that maybe pete was the one who set them off on their mischief and mayhem path, bc he loves having co-conspirators when he plays his silly little tricks on people. (also mil and i've decided that he and peeves got along swimmingly, and that pete was the one to convince the marauders to go into the forbidden forest the first time, and that he was very good at finding hidden corridors and rooms x)
but. at the end of the day. our peter is always more loyal to himself than to anyone else. he enjoys being a part of a group, and really it's all he's ever known (w his siblings, and then the marauders, and then later the death eaters) but when all is said and done, he's always going to put himself first and do what would best serve him.
and we don't think his betrayal of his friends was some huge premeditated thing. it's this kinda spur of the moment, whimsical, childlike impulsivity. and he sees a chance to get in w this new group - a group that's clearly powerful, and let's face it defo winning the war at that point - and be a part of Something and prove a point and Show Them All and he doesn't really fully think through what his actions mean....... which ofc leaves so much beautiful, interesting room for regret!!!!!
like. telling voldemort the potter's address is such an abstract kind of thing. he's not the one physically murdering them. so i think the realisation of what's he's done and what he's lost wouldn't really sink in until after he's cut off a finger and framed sirius and run away to live as a rat. direct quote from mil bc i think it's perfect: he comes down from the high of having won and he doesn't quite know what he's won but he doesn't have anyone to tell, anyone who will pat him on the back and ruffle his hair.
stage w no audience. yk the vibe. he’s won, he's proved Something, but there's nobody left to celebrate w him. he's lost something incredibly vital to him, the best years of his life. he hasn't got a Group anymore... and that's ultimately a part of why he eventually goes to bring voldemort back bc that's the only group he has left after everything. even if mil and i decided that at least one of his siblings should still be alive :)
also, before he brings back voldemort, his stay w the weasleys. a very similar vibe to the pettigrew household growing up and peter chooses to stay there w them for twelve years. bc it's comfortable and painful and maybe a form of denial or punishment or desperate longing for something that has long slipped away.......
anyway, i've only known him for two days but he is infinitely precious to me :))
#i don't think the moodboard is my finest work....... but you guys Must see the vision#a lot of this is just me retyping the long text rant that i sent jen after mil and i had our Meeting of Minds lol#karamil#kara’s moodboards#peter pettigrew#pete
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headcanon: when galadriel talked about celeborn to theo back in season 1 she was actually trying to compartmentalize her worries/grief about halbrand
His name was the first one she screamed after she woke up and she even repeated after it
In my head she was holding on her husband's memory because she had already dealt with the grief of losting him so it was safe to evoke him whereas she needed to stay sane and calm about halbrand
tl;dr when galadriel remembered celeborn in season 1 she was trying to keep her feelings for halbrand in the back seat in fear that they would overwhelm her because she had a mission to accomplish so even in the only time he was mentioned it wasn't about him at all That's how important he is for her lol
she is so over him that can be detached from their shared past
I mean Theo asked her who else she lost in the war so I think her bringing up Celeborn at last made very much sense. The writers probably realized that the Tolkien audience would wonder about him, they HAD to say something about him ! 😂 the moment was also well chosen : everyone who looked at the previous episode with their eyes and not with their butt had seen that the moment that Galadriel and Halbrand shared on that log was deeply romantic, and could have even led to a kiss if they hadn't been interrupted (a classical romantic trope.... S1 Haladriel has all of them 😌).
Mentioning her husband and making the point across that Galadriel considered him "lost" (dead) was necessary at this point, for Galadriel to not look like a cheater. Not that it worked, if we refer to the number of people still clutching their pearls over a law they invented, where Elves love only once in their life and can never, ever catch feelings for anyone else than their spouse, even when said spouse is dead...
The way Galadriel talked about Celeborn always seemed off to me. I know it's assumed that they lived for hundred of years together before he disappeared, because of the books, but the show doesn't follow the book!lore. If they lived together for so long, why would she bring up the day they met ? Why not saying something about where they lived, about their life together, about how united they were ? Why is it the only time she talked about him ? Why doesn't she seem to miss him at all ?
Seriously, the way she talked about him it sounded like they had met and gotten married, then a few weeks later Celeborn left for war and never came back. I know his "fans" firmly believe that he'll make a heroic return in season 3 and that Galadriel will jump in his arms crying of happiness, and that we'll suddenly all stop shipping Haladriel* bc we'll be overwhelmed by their precious love but.... If it's really the showrunners' intention, they have a very strange way of showing it 🤣
Anywayyyyy I know it wasn't the subject of your ask, sorry..... This episode was very much Galadriel keeping everything inside. She really believed that Halbrand died, she also realized she had brought all these soldiers to their death, and she was completely heartbroken over it. But having to take care of a teenager who had presumably lost everything as well, she just held it all back. She had to. I think mentioning the memory of a past where she was happy, and where things just happened as they were meant to (being spotted dancing by a handsome and nice he-Elf, falling in love, getting married with him, etc.), gave her some sense of peace she terribly needed in that moment.
#ask answered#galadriel#Celeborn#Halbrand#sauron x galadriel#haladriel#saurondriel#galadriel x halbrand#Trop
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Can we have some head cannons of Curly being there for pony when he wakes up screaming because he had a bad nightmare while they're sleeping over together?
one mentally unwell teen supporting another, u love to see it
•now ignoring the fact that pony woke up SCREAMING, i think curlys a heavy sleeper, but when it comes to someone hes close to, when he hears their voice, he wakes up pretty quickly, so even if pony didnt scream, he wouldve woke up at some point not so long after pony did
•it is also completely plausible that pony accidentally hit curly in the face accidentally while flailing when waking up and thats how curly woke up
•ANYYYwho, that isnt to say that curly isnt at least a lil groggy when he does wake up, hes trying so hard to understand ponys rambling, but his mind just isnt 100% there yet, so hes just telling pony to slow down and hes awake now
•dreams mean a lot in haitian culture, id like to believe that curly could give pony a deeper insight onto what his dreams could possibly mean in a light pony didnt rlly see
•curlys not soda, he cant work wonders when ponys feeling upset, curly makes so shitty jokes that dont do anything to help pony, they dont land allat well and curly awkwardly scolds himself quickly
•curly playing w ponys hair calms pony down a LOT, and soothes him to sleep sometimes as well, so u already know whats happening for the next 25 minutes
•this is one of the rare times where theyre not worries about looking tuff in front of the other, ponys genuinely scared and curly just wants to help, so this is ALSO one of the rare times where they actually cuddle
•if anyone remembers when i said that its basically impossible to get pony out of curlys grasp while they sleep, here its just flat out impossible, curlys hanging onto pony w a grip only found on superman himself and that makes pony feel safe
•now bc u said that theyre sleeping over together, im gonna assume that its at ponys house, and pony did wake up someone else, and when they enter the room to see whats wrong, curly tells them to leave, just so pony can have his space and doesnt feel like all eyes r on him
•when its morning curly doesnt carreeeee if pony says hes doin better, hes still a lil more overprotective and looks out for him, pony has a LOT of rough nights and hes seen how shitty that can make ponys mornings
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#ika's rambles#idk if it qualifies but just in case#ika's self pity corner#i cannot believe i have a crush on my coworker i need this gone#esp since today was my last day like i probs won't see him again bc im terrible at remembering to text people#like we exchanged numbers despite having teams#but i think bc we're friendly#but also i think about how he bought me a whole bag of lil stuffed animal keychains bc the one he was originally gonna get would be#expensive for just one and he wanted to give me more than that#and how he hugged me really tightly#and see him look at me often from the corner of my eye#but i also know he is just a friendly guy and v kind#but i also know hes not looking for anyone bc he said so#and got out of what sounds like a traumatic relationship#he is just the most guy guy ever bc he's like? the most average person ever /pos#he really loves marine biology and hes trying to volunteer w the salt water team#he also really loves video games and wants to get into cosplay#and i mentioned we should go tk an arcade sometime or maybe i could meet him at a con#he sounded interested#but i dont really want to think about what ifs#i just know im really lonely and fucked up and my brain attaches to anyone nice to me#so i want these feelings gone#but also. i want to hold this little frog keychain as tight as i can#idk i like him a lot but i also. dont know him#id never make a move bc im a coward and also bc he said hes not looking#but sometimes when we'd sit next to each other he would smile at me and id feel different#idk im just rambling im hoping this will get rid of those feelings#anyway i feel like i cant talk about this to anyone bc like. everyone has actual issues to worry about#they don't need to worry about my stupidass
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I think a really underrated character duo in gravity falls is Dipper and Stan. Like one, I think they are way more similar than people give them credit for. Like Dipper is definitely the one who feels like the ‘inferior’ twin (internally on his part), something reflected in Stan. Also Dipper is generally pretty cunning and willing to throw punches in a Stan-way, you can see Stan rubbing off on him as the show progresses. Dipper in the Stan costume, and that one scene where Stan and Dipper both cross their fingers at the same time for the same promise, both live in my head rent free. In my heart of hearts I think Dipper picks up a bit of Stans con-man tricks in the future (and Mabel goes on some bonding missions w/ Ford, but this post isn’t abt them). Also I just want to say I bet Dipper reminded Stan of a young Ford and that informed some of their early dynamic. Anyway bye just needed this brainworm out
#gravity falls#dipper pines#Stan pines#stanley pines#That one scene in Dreascapers where Stan talks abt how he sees himself in Dipper and that’s why he’s hard on him?#yeah#look the twins can obviously be put into their easy Mabel-Stan Dipper-Ford parallels#BUT I think it’s interesting to do it teh other way too#because Mabel and Ford are the weird twins of their pairs!!! they’re the outcasts who get picked on for being strange!#Also while I don’t think Mabel is Selfish (I love Mabel) she can be a little self-centered which is a good parallel to Ford who#is also kinda self centered#again I say this with love- Mabel did nothing wrong#similarly- Dipper can be mapped to the ‘Screw up twin’ (in his mind) the way Stan can#Dipper is a nerd but he’s not a super-genius like Ford was- so next to mabel he feels inferior#(I feel like he said something like this somewhere? the journal?)#anyway Stan is the same way#Also the way Dipper would fuck anyone up for hurting his family- even going as far to THREATEN bill in BOB#Tbf mabel does this too but it’s way less serious#anyway have this#gravity falls dipper#gravity falls stanley#wait I’m not over this actually#Mabel getting tricked by Bill pretending to be someone she trusted can be a Ford paralell actually#you know how bill sees himself in Ford despite the fact he’s WAYYY more like Stan??? that but mabel the opposite way. do you see the vision?#also the fact the two pines bill hates are Dipper and Stan. I win again#THE BILL-MABEL-FORD PARALELLE BUBBLE MIGHT NEED ITS OWN POST BC I HAVE THOUGHTS
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Some creatures are more difficult to perceive than others
#Treecko#skitty#dusknoir#chatot#pokemon doodles#original art#context: I’ve said this before but explorers was the very first pokemon game I ever played#I wasn’t watching the anime then so it was also the first time I ever saw a dusknoir#And for whatever reason I just couldn’t quite….comprehend what he was supposed to be#Thought he was some kind of robot until he did his ghostly disappearing act#Definitely a fun game to play when you know nothing about pokemon!#Everything was so new and exciting! And you don’t know what anyone looks like until you meet them!#The other thing in a similar vein was with dialga#I didn’t know what dialga was SUPPOSED to look like so when they’re all talking about how fucked up he is I was like damn#He DOES look pretty fucked up. Some kind of beast#And then after fixing time you see he looks THE SAME except with a palette change#Like oh. i see. That’s just what you look like#Dialga should’ve got a special form tho#Maybe something replacing the steel type with ghost#Bc without time he’s technically not alive#And I read somewhere the steel typing might’ve represented the steady nature of time or something#So with time being stopped it’s not flowing so steadily huh#This wasn’t supposed to be abt dialga tho. Get your own post#ANYWAY dusknoir is a weird looking guy especially when you’re not quite sure what you’re looking at#but he is canonically handsome so do with that what you will
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son boy raccoon trash can man suffering in a dnd au as a cleric bc his warlock will not stop committing murders and he has to keep coming up with reasons murder is valid to convince the gm its fine and under control
#my characters#oops i fell in love#right is trying his best in the au to think about all the logic behind killing someone despite being a cleric SPECIFICALLY#bc he refuses to hurt anyone irl or in dnd and ok fine their warlock can have a little murder as a treat#and the body count is adding up and hes like ... so tired..... please can you not kill for five minutes im running out of excuses#fwiw he has the weird logic of the group in the base plot and the guy who is the gm here#is v open about ok but if we ask right then hell give an unhinged answer completely thought out and rationalized#and in fact asks him hey i know you refuse to hurt people but im having a debate with these two coworkers#if you had to commit a crime for aaaaaanyone on the planet who would you commit a crime for#and he doesnt even hesitate to say luca obviously to which the asker is like WHAT ABOUT MY DAUGHTER#YOU WANNA MARRY HER AND WONT COMMIT A CRIME FOR HER? but LUCA? of all people???? not even brent?#and right is just so confused because first off brent would probably be the one committing a crime for him without being forced#(brent agrees with this statement with a shrug) and second off luca has really weird coworkers and thought he was getting stalked for a bit#due to a misunderstanding with said one weird coworker so yeah obviously right would threaten the guy with a gun which is illegal and#third and final how could he face his beloved angel (the daughter mentioned above) if he was a criminal#he cant tarnish a sweet little innocent girls opinion by committing a crime IN HER NAME gosh fuck off with that attitude#he has STANDARDS thank you very much#and the three at the table are all like okay yeah that was really thought out on the fly youre right#also brent do not commit any crimes for him please and brent just nods in agreement bc ok he wont commit a crime unprompted#also hi animal crossing emotes are so fun to doodle for bye#once again i am baffled by how different the colors look on my laptop in the art program vs posting to tumblr#im going to go insane at how different they look#IM COLOR PICKING FOR MY OWN OCS AND ITS SO WRONG LOOKING IDK MAN
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suddenly feel the need to post that one official pre-botw early concept comic from when nintendo was thinking about theming the next loz game around some sort of alien invasion, in a more ‘modern’ setting, and. anyway the point is that ganondorf is in it and he is wearing a metallica t shirt
#not art#ganondorf#link#tagging link too bc he is there in his little hoodie god bless#but yeah whenever i remember this exists i. still cant believe it exists lol#i said this on twt already but it looks so much like ganondorf is link’s 80s metalhead uncle who definitely drove them there#also just wild crazy to see official art where they’re messing with the idea of ganondorf not being like the Main Problem At Hand like#like he is. evidently also here about the aliens. i do not know what this comic says and it’s way too distorted for me to try and translate#or at least the pic i have is#but if anyone happens to know what it says! or knows anything more about it! i would be delighted to know lol
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just gonna go ahead and say this in advance—
if Riz does indeed come out in junior year, and he says, “I’m ace” or “I’m asexual” when referring specifically to his lack of romantic attraction, aromantic people are allowed to be upset about it.
#because yes of course some people irl say ace to mean both bc that’s how they personally identify#but in fictional media the distinction is necessary. especially with how few canonically aromantic characters even exist in ANY mainstream/#popular media.#I assure you I’m not invalidating anyone who is ace and they mean that to include lack of romantic attraction.#But to look at this from a MEDIA PERSPECTIVE its irresponsible to do this w/out clarification that they also know the word aromantic exists#because otherwise that’s just a conflation of asexual and aromantic without any nuance#and an erasure of aromantic people who are not asexual.#Plus—name a single fucking time a character in mainstream/popular media has said the word aromantic.#Because I can name several instances where they say asexual. But I can’t think of ONE where they say aro or aromantic.#(Maybe that Isaac kid does in season 2 of Heartstopper? But I haven’t seen it so I’m not 100% sure.)#anyways.#the way this fucking fandom—and ANY fandom with a canon aro character—discusses the aromantic spectrum#is blatantly just to remove their own personal guilt for shipping that character with other characters and erasing their orientation.#because yes aromanticism IS a spectrum!! But when people talk about fabriz and say ‘he can still be ace!’ (Which is aro erasure) or#‘he can still be aro!’ They never SHOW riz still being aro or having any kind of complex relationship with romance.#I’m angry and I’m allowed to be.#I get that a ship you liked may be hard to let go of or something#But I’d be much less mad if all the fabriz fans said ‘yeah I know Riz is aro in canon and he and Fabian would never get together.#I just like to imagine it sometimes in fiction/fanon!’ Then that would be a WHOLE different conversation#Because then they’d at least be acknowledging that riz doesn’t feel romance in canon. That fabriz is something that actively#Goes against the canon characterization of one of those characters—and that’s fine. Just fucking ACKNOWLEDGE IT.#But most of these people either WANT fabriz to be canon/believe it WILL BE canon#OR I guess feel uncomfortable confronting the fact that they ARE erasing riz’s aromanticism so they don’t even acknowledge it at all.#fhjy#fantasy high#d20#dimension 20#riz gukgak#aromantic riz gukgak#fhsy
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Me after every single interaction I have: god I wish you weren't so fucking awkward, bud
Fyi I stole that entire sentence, possibly verbatim, from another post. I'm just venting, as you will see in the tags:/
#just went grocery shopping and the cashier complimented my blue hair#all i heard initially was 'nice (some one-syllable utterance)'#and it took me a good couple of seconds to compute Utterance=hair so in the meantime. i just said thanks#and hoped it would suffice#well anyway i finally give the guy an actual glance as im always avoiding eye contact SO hard like. idk what anyone looks like dhdhd#and i notice he also has dyed hair. hes black and has these cool red braids#but by the time ive figured all this out im Leaving like. the time has long passed to say 'you too' about the hair#so now im gonna be remembered as this polite yet dismissive person when in reality im. barely functioning as a human#i wonder how many misunderstandings happen bc of shit like this#with me personally i know it's a Fuckton just. the rest of the population
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MIKE BLOCKED ME ON TWITTER FOR ROASTING HIS DUMBASS RESPONSE TO THE GRAPHIC NOVEL STUFF!!
grown ass man scared of the 19-year-old queer being mean to him over his public meltdown more at 8.
#ramblez#little white boy sad? U sad bc nobody likes you? Bc u constantly make a fool of urself and show off ur distaste for ur fans? lmao#this is one of the greatest things to ever happen to me imagine how mad he'll be when he finds out the fangame Im making has queers in it#hes gonna have a whole other white boy meltdown on main KJSNFDGKJHFGKJHGKJHSDFGSD#hes so fucking sensitive maybe just get off of social media Mike this never ends well for you#batim#batdr#bendy and the ink machine#bendy and the dark revival#and look Im joking around about this but it really is sad that the bendy devs cant handle this kind of critique towards their decisions#it seems despite the backlash once again they are choosing to ignore their fans which is yknow upsetting#But hey ig if the devs being awful was a dealbreaker for this fandom I wouldve left a long time ago and I havent#dw Im not going anywhere <3#also if anyone else here was also criticizing Mike maybe check his acct to make sure ur not blocked now since apparently#old habits die hard and this is certainly a pattern with him KJHDSFKGJHSDKFGJHDFGSD#also look before anyone asks yes I was kinda mean to him over this but to put bluntly if hes gonna be this dismissive to his fans concerns#he deserves it. Theres this persistent attitude esp in bendy fanspaces of being defensive of the devs#and I dont know why they have been extremely horrible people every single chance they get#and its very hurtful to see how many people would rather tell me to be kinder to the people who broke the heart of a child me when they#dismissed any ideas of putting queers like me in their stories than to realize Mike n Meatly bring this bad attention to themselves#to put bluntly I dont owe them kindness not until they at least apologize for the shit they did which they still havent#mike hasnt even addressed his vent poem in the code of BATDR let alone the other shit he said n did#so no I will not be kind to him ever hope this helps!
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god i fucking hate my dad
#he came home today from a bike trip he went on and he's been arguing with me about honeybee the whole fucking day#he keeps saying just let her out let her run around! every time i put her in her pen to nap#and he refuses to stop her from biting him#and he got mad at her for playing with his socks when she'd just been playing with mine and he threw them on the floor of the living room#which first of all stop being such a fucking slob#and second of all what the fuck did you expect to happen? it's a soft new toy on the floor where she spends most of her time. where all her#toys are. very similar to the two soft items she's allowed to play with (my socks)#she's fucking 3 months old she doesn't understand the difference between my socks and his socks#and i keep telling him i know what im doing i was doing all the research while he went to buttfuck nowhere on his midlife crisis motorcycle#but he just wont fucking listen to me#and hes like oh youre at that age where you think youre right about everything and are so stubborn like fuck you actually#first of all im stubborn about this because its a living breathing puppy and his actions will affect her behaviour as an adult#and bc i know what im fucking doing. ive been an animal person my entire life. i did all the research. i did this exact same thing with#parrots for five years.#and hes like you cant just put her in her pen every time shes being a dog like no i fucking dont. i only put her in her pen when it's time#for a nap and she's getting overtired. you can't just let her run around until she collapses bc for one she never fucking will#second that's only going to make her energy threshold higher and then she'll be absolutely impossible to handle#and i told him that and that i read that on like every professional dog training source i read#and he said that might be true or might not be#like it fucking is bitch omfg#and then he tried to one up me like um i actually raised you guys for a long time i know what im doing#like a child is not a fucking dog. also my mom raised us lets be fucking serious. and look how well adjusted i turned out#and he told me to relax and calm down like i wasnt even arguing with him but i sure as hell will now#like dont tell me to fucking relax. when has telling anyone to relax ever made anything better. especially a teenager. especially a (for#simplicity's sake) woman.#and i told him dont tell me to relax and he got all pissy and stormed off#like literally fuck you#im my fathers daughter. im just as stubborn as he is.#rambles
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I just love when he does creacher shit like this so much
#beetlejuice musical#beetlejuice#is this an allowed screenshot to post? i understand that some arent but i haven't been able to understand which ones#if i could get a rundown on which boots are a nono when it comes to posting screenshots that would actually be really useful#i know which ones they are more often than not. this is a 2019 so i thiiiink it's safe. i think it is. but i mean uhm let me know#to be completely honest i just guessed which one this is anyway bc it wasn't labeled but I've been researching. so im pretty sure but#it came without the notes is what im sayingggggg they all do. they all do. i do not wanna make anyone mad pls never assume that i dont care#if i ever post something and it's actually off limits JUST LET ME KNOW I WILL DELETE IT SO FAST I PROMMY#anyway. *clears throat* that said. uhm. creacher beej can we talk about it. we don't do it enough#well maybe we do I've only been here 3 weeks#woobification tag#sorry for rambling in the tags i dont do it on purpose i ramble when im nervous#*beetle voice* this guy knows what im talking about#is there...... beetlejuice discords out there i wonder#ALSO HE WAS LOOKING AT THE MAITLANDS HERE I LOVE THIS WHOOOOLE SCENE SO MUCH LMAO WHEN HE#WHEN HE GETS OFFENDED BECAUSE THEY CALLED HIM WICKED SHSHUDHDHDHD#i love him so much im literally gonna put him in an empty chips bag and shake him so he gets evenly coated in salt and spices
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...
#man ive never seen an eating disorder kill someone else besides a parent infecting a child but my nana is really trying#shes like 1000% orthotexic. will not eat anything not filled with vegetables or fat. and my grandpa is 87yo with a heart condition currentl#in the hospital for covid bc thry went to Christmas church and dont believe in being vaccinated and my dad is so frustrated#bc he knows his mom is not gonna give his dad hearty foods. he needs to eat like protein shakes and meat and ice cream. anything thats not#her cooking which sucks on top of being extremely healthy. except its not healthy bc they dont eat a balanced diet#so its my nanas eating disorder killing her husband and shes so fucking frustrating. im like 99% sure she has obsessive compulsive#personally disorder bc she fits to a T and has zero insight. she may have full on 0cd bc talking to my dad he has more obvious 0cd#compulsions than i do. he used to say phrases before going to bed and would take 2 steps across the floor to prevent bad things from#happening. so like im pretty sure my nana is where i get my perfectionism and 0cd. god. i wish i could express how fucked up she is#like my dad said at least he had a stable home to grow up in but like she has zero sympathy for other people. cannot look past herself. wil#not wear a mask bc she doesnt care enough abt other ppl. my dad was like: u would not have survived in that house. which is fair bc i am#barely keeping it together coming from a stable home with two sympathetic parents who i know love me#and like its sad that they're suffering the effects of buying into the fox news bullshit and its killing them#but also. genuinely. i think theyre not very good ppl. theyre the type of people who think they're better bc they're religious. white. and#thin. and theyre not better thsn anyone. their grandchildren cant stand them. well cant stand her at least. papa is just quite so its hard#to say what hes thinking. apparently he was confused last night and saying something about eating dinner on the golf course. which sounds#nicer thsn being in the hospital lol. ugh. he seems not long for this world tbh. may he pass peacefully to b with his 1st wife who died of#brain cancer at age like 20 or something. so it goes. bleh. how many funerals are intended for me in the next 5 years? hopefully none but#that seems improbable with the unspoken drain circling that seems to b going on in this family. old age and like almost 10 years of cancer#defying the stats but for how much longer?#i dunno. its just so weird to watch these things happen and not talk about it directly to the other ppl who see it#i worry that ill come off as too callose or inappropriate bc i have that tendency when something bad is happening but thats everyone else#excuse? idk i just feel like its better to talk abt things#unrelated#ed mention#i tell u this so i can say these things to someone and also bc if i were u. i would like to hear the drama#bc im nosey and i assume other r too ;-]
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am i autistic or am i just paranoid. level: impossible
#seeing a friend of mine for the first time in 2 years but it was at a 9hr work training and i barely talked to him the whole time#so i text our gc multiple times bc im excited#but everyones drained from the day#so am i being a good loving kind person or am i being annoying as hell#my brain says the first one and my gut says the second#i also might have a big fat crush on this man (he is unfairly attractive and kind and funny and TALL)#so i may be overreacting bc of that#i just missed him and now my big fat crush on him is bigger and fatter than ever#at the end of our first summer he hugged me tight and told me he loved me (platonically)#then he asked if i was coming back and i said yes without any hesitation#and then he didnt come back#so ive been going on 2 years of stewing in this fucking crush soup and now im just#tumblr is the only place where i can talk abt this no one important in my life can know this#no one#i just really like him#and i wanna be around him all the time#and i wanna sit with him and talk to him and laugh with him#and help him with stuff#and i have not had an actual crush on someone since my sophomore and junior year of high school#which was 4 and 5 years ago at this point#this guy also kept staring at me from across the room and everytime i would glace in his direction he would look away#and every time i would get a glimpse of him at training i could physically feel the butterflies#hell#every time i even thought about the fact that we were in the same general area i would get butterflies#this never happens to me and its such a weird feeling#would you be so kind by dodie is the anthem of the hour rn#and i know there's a huge part of me that thinks i am unlovable bc of how i look#and ive never had anyone love me or even like me enough to initiate any kind of anything#ive been on one date in my life#never been kissed never had sex
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no halloween art this year sorry! hopefully sanada brothers vell song redraws and a new vd later will be enough...
+ an alternate version with the honey bc. b-bad honey hunt. don't worry about the silhouettes
#we got cowgirl eiji sanada before linagram finale. amazing#no but seigi no libra fits him so well it's so. head in hands#the lyrics describe his murder (and his views in general) so well especially near the end...#but it also can describe his relationship with kei bc as he said kei has always been weird#but he wasn't always abusive and only became like that after a particular event...#“what event” i look away and sigh and go “they don't know that kei had a friend who-” and a car hits me#also. im pretty sure bad honey hunt and seigi no libra characters are the same girl.#like the piercings the chess piece the hair color... yeah i think its the same girl#though maybe it's common knowledge. i haven't seen anyone point it outjdkdkks#i will never try to draw/render honey ever again. tf is this it looked like noodles before rendering AHAGHDHJAJSA#also im going to be honest. i do like song redraws but i don't like to make them exactly the same as original#i like to make them unique and different and more. me-core :)#and i like to add silly little details like again the silhouettes behind kei (don't worry about them)#and not counting the scale from the original mv there is also Something behind eiji. or someone#🗡️guard 001: sanada eiji 🗡️#🍓prisoner 005: sanada kei 🍓#also i still hate drawing hands.
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