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#ika's rambles#idk if it qualifies but just in case#ika's self pity corner#i cannot believe i have a crush on my coworker i need this gone#esp since today was my last day like i probs won't see him again bc im terrible at remembering to text people#like we exchanged numbers despite having teams#but i think bc we're friendly#but also i think about how he bought me a whole bag of lil stuffed animal keychains bc the one he was originally gonna get would be#expensive for just one and he wanted to give me more than that#and how he hugged me really tightly#and see him look at me often from the corner of my eye#but i also know he is just a friendly guy and v kind#but i also know hes not looking for anyone bc he said so#and got out of what sounds like a traumatic relationship#he is just the most guy guy ever bc he's like? the most average person ever /pos#he really loves marine biology and hes trying to volunteer w the salt water team#he also really loves video games and wants to get into cosplay#and i mentioned we should go tk an arcade sometime or maybe i could meet him at a con#he sounded interested#but i dont really want to think about what ifs#i just know im really lonely and fucked up and my brain attaches to anyone nice to me#so i want these feelings gone#but also. i want to hold this little frog keychain as tight as i can#idk i like him a lot but i also. dont know him#id never make a move bc im a coward and also bc he said hes not looking#but sometimes when we'd sit next to each other he would smile at me and id feel different#idk im just rambling im hoping this will get rid of those feelings#anyway i feel like i cant talk about this to anyone bc like. everyone has actual issues to worry about#they don't need to worry about my stupidass
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#art#artists on tumblr#one piece#op#digital art#sanji#black leg sanji#sanji needs a hug#tw claustrophobia#idk if it qualifies so just in case#no idk what it means
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uh-oh
#he just ate glow sticks don't worry ab it he's fine#grian#hermitcraft#mcyt#grian fanart#hermitcraft fanart#mcyt fanart#hermitblr#watcher grian#eyestrain cw#glitch cw#body horror cw#idk if this qualifies as body horror but just in case
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my plushies but theyre silly poly furries
#not sure if it looks like it but theyre butch to me#sorry to pjsk ppl at this point ill just drop whatever im drawing#also not sure if this even qualifies enough for furry🚶 i do enjoy drawing more cartoonish animalistic than almost fully human#komashkart#hope u guys enjoy this one cause ill make another bc i have a matching another bear plush w flowers#ill tag it furry anyway just in case smth idk#furry art#sfw furry
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Bros only. You're not invited.
#idk lol i was in my dirk shirt all day and like#it takes 2 seconds to put on the shades and gloves#why not do a casual lol#i just restuffed my pillows after washing the cases so i was like... man lets get some brodirk up in this home#(dont forget cal in the equation tho brocal is 4lyfe)#(i just havent gotten around to remaking cal yet so pillow will have 2 do)#fuck what if i threw on bro and took another brobro pic#homestuck#homestuck cosplay#dirk#dirk strider#casual cosplay#me#selfie#striders#413#its awk lighting bc my lightbulb right here is orange (i have pink and red also in other parts of my room lol)#i dont feel like burning my eyes w the ceiling light#ramble ramble lol idk what to tag this bro#brodirk#stridercest#(implied ig just tagging bc ppl are weird about it now)#brocal#mmmm what tag uhhhh#cosplay#even tho this hardly qualifies lol#bro#lil cal#i still wanna do a full dirk cosplay again its just.. the hair.. i dont wanna gel it.. it takes a blowdryer to get the zero grav lift#...and thats too much effort when im the only one who cares lol
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New discovery the pixel disc brush is fun to paint with
#splatoon#splatoon oc#splatoon ocs#oc tag#eyestrain#i think this could qualify as that but idk#tagging just in case
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On roblox I had a friend who I told that I didn’t wash my fruits/vegetables because I wanted to die 😭 I wasn’t lying, but ?????
???
#unsanitary#suicide mention#suicide#idk how to tag this without sounding like i'm trivializing it but i think this qualifies as passive suicidality so tags just in case!
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Ughhhh as soon as I think I have my identity figured out, somehow I throw a curveball at myself 😭
Like I'm pansexual and genderfluid and demisexual and I'm certain of those even though it took me a while to figure that mess out
And I think I'm demiromantic but if I am my demiromantic identity somehow functions a bit differently than my demisexuality? Or my mind is just playing tricks on me
I keep thinking I might have crushes on people but I'm never sure and it could judt be my mind tricking me into thinking that because I don't think I really like them I think it's just the feeling of wanting to like someone and being just really platonically infatuated but then again idk if I even know what a proper crush feels like???
Idk man 😭
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in my quest to maybe move back to providence after 20 years, im looking at jobs down there and damn i think i might be better off financially pivoting to carpentry/construction work for a while
#messages from the ouija board#the biggest two hurdles there are 1) gender. on multiple levels. but maybe i could get my dad to put in a good word for me w an old contact#bc he seems to know every tradesman in rhode island somehow. a#but like. every manual labor job ive ever had other than assisting my dad. gender has become a Problem. and itll probably be worse now#and then 2) id have to get a vehicle and all the bells and whistles w that#though idk maybe i could ask my coworker marty about how to get into stage carpentry#bc hes trans and seems to be doing well in it#ive always enjoyed manual labor stuff like i love painting i love demo work i loved repairing tombstones i love building shit#but the few times ive actually been hired by people who arent family its been a real struggle to be taken seriously#in one case i got harassed (over being a 'woman') into leaving#and in another it just made the guys on the crew increasingly uncomfortable 'having a girl around' and when the current job wrapped up#i just got ghosted. no telling me where the next job was. no returning my calls. nothing.#and im scared of that happening again. but also. the money seems way better than museum work wrt what im qualified for
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I have an anecdote about when I worked for a company and a co-worker left to work in a different state on military aircraft. He had to get a TS clearance and because we had worked for several years together he asked if I would be okay with being interviewed for his clearance. I said sure and an interviewer w the gov, arranged to come to my place of work and conduct the interview there. I was asked questions about him like how well did I know him, and whatever answer I gave led to more specific questions like if I answered a question about knowing his wife, they would ask if I thought his marriage sounded secure etc.
This memory of that experience was on my mind while I read your story and I wondered who Iceman would choose for his TS clearance interviews (and who the gov would choose for him) and what would they say? I feel like their "secret" would be uncovered in even a low level clearance (years later I had to submit names for a low level Public Trust clearance for my job) It was so embarrassing because I did not have many friends I was comfortable submitting for that as I kept my work and home life very separate.
Anyway, that is my "cool story, bro"
Thank you for such a great and well researched story!
this is indeed a cool story bro and touches on what is literally my story’s fatal flaw, which is: Yeah, a shitload of people would’ve known about it. I am going to hijack your question to talk about that, so my apologies, though i will get around to your question by the end. This is gonna be a really long post. I have a lot to say and a lot of ground to cover.
So I wanna start out by talking about the structure of this story and its core conflict, because while I’d like to say this story is rooted in an accurate depiction of the US military, obviously that’s not true; it’s rooted in the dynamic of the story that i wanted to tell, which is the story of a guy coming to realize the truth behind a Big Lie—him passing as straight. And that’s a pretty universal story, but it’s made more specific by the fact that a) the guy canonically wants to be the best in an institution that enforces the Big Lie and b) the guy canonically is so successful because he follows the rules/orders of that institution. So, for character growth, to put it simply, the guy (Ice) has to come to the conclusion that the Big Lie is a lie by himself. He can’t be told/ordered that the Big Lie is a lie, otherwise he hasn’t grown out of “just following orders.” (I’ll get to the Big Lie in a second. I made charts and story structure graphs below.)
The only other story about a Big Lie I can think of off the top of my head right now is Passing (1929) by Nella Larsen, which is about a Black woman in Chicago trying to pass as both white and straight. It’s a great book and I’ll try not to spoil it, you should really read it for yourself, but the terminology I’m going to use in this post comes from an analysis of it, so just to bring you up to speed—Clare, the woman trying to pass as white, is recognized by a friend, another Black-but-passing woman, Irene, who is shocked that Clare has abandoned her heritage (the truth of her, that is) and married a hyper-racist white man who doesn’t even know that she’s Black. So the book sets up a dynamic of the Big Lie that I’ve outlined here (hopefully it makes sense):
I built on this dynamic for my fic. Ice is both a “dupe” and a “passing figure,” in that he believes the lie that he is straight and also passes for straight—but it’s also more complicated than that because he’s not actually straight (getting to that). Mav is an “in-group clairvoyant” and can recognize Ice as passing because he is also straight-passing. The Navy are a bunch of “dupes.” But…what is Slider, for instance, or your question’s hypothetical government official who, yes, will 100% find out because people always find out?
In comes my ginormous-and-overly-wordy WWGATTAI Plot and Character Dynamic Summary Graph. You don’t really have to read it all, the only important bits for this discussion are the leftmost column (“plot”) and the green quadrant (“out-group clairvoyants”).
To summarize—people who know the truth can’t actually act on it, because for Ice’s character growth to make sense, he has to come to the truth himself. This forecloses the possibility of any outwardly homophobic action (by which I mean someone like a govt official or one of my lame OCs actually challenging him on his illegal relationship) in the plot, because for 90% of the story Ice is so fragile that he would probably just cave immediately and double down on the internalized homophobia. So, for plot purposes, everyone—including Mav, as it happens—has to sort of tiptoe around Ice’s obvious not-straightness and give him an unreasonable amount of grace so he can figure it out for himself.
And therein lies the fatal flaw of this story. It is, like, not conceptually viable. Of course people would find out, of course the government would interrogate him about it, of course he’d have to confront the truth much sooner than TWENTY-FIVE years after he first starts messing around with Mav. Which literally breaks my heart because I didn’t realize it was a fundamentally busted story until long after I had finished writing the base plot & couldn’t fix the overarching problems 😭 The thing is, it had to be this way, because there is at least a thirty-year gap between TG86 and TGM22, and TGM is obviously the emotional climax of the series and my story had to match that. So—fanfic and its canon constraints, everyone.
But also… I can explain away these logical inconsistencies with story structure & character dynamic graphs to make the story make sense, sure, but it doesn’t change the truth of the matter, which is that… I hadn’t ever really thought about things like security clearances, and therefore wrote around them because I didn’t even know to consider them. And I know there are a bunch of other details in this story that betray my immaturity (anytime I talk about alcohol, for instance—I still am not legal to drink in this stupid country & have only cheap bad experiences to draw on; THE HOUSE—if i could rewrite this story from the beginning they would not have bought a fucking house together, what was I thinking???) and the lack of thought about the real-life logistics and consequences of secrecy is one of them.
And it’s exactly what I mean when I say “I look at this story and all I see are its flaws,” which is why I wanted to write this post & get it on record. I have just enough life experience to read my own writing and know that it’s fundamentally unconvincing, and not enough life experience to know how to fix it. :(
But, to answer your original question, you’ve got me brainstorming a scene where Ice is asking Slider to be his character witness & Slider’s like “Look bro do you want me to lie to the federal government under oath for you because I will” and Ice has to be like “Legally I cannot ask that of you but”
#in case you couldnt tell it really bothers me#idk what the age range of the ppl who read my fics is but i knoooow there are#some parts of this story where you read it and you go#yeah a little kid wrote that#if you asked me what a 401k is with a gun to my head i could not tell you#so the fact that people care about my opinions on these like really grown up adult problems is#literally like the highest compliment ever#but i feel bad that i don’t have the life experience to give a convincing answer & i apologize for that#ive grown up so much & so quickly working on this project both as a writer and as a person & so thankful for that#but it also means that i look back on even recent work & say WTF LITTLE KID ALERT#so#sorry i turned your question into a fiction lecture#but lol that’s like the one thing i actually AM a little bit qualified to talk about#and your question represents like the fundamental fatal flaw of the story i have spent literally 100s of hours on#so I wanted to talk about it#thank you for the ask <3333333#my birthday is in a couple days so just thinking about getting older lol#edts notes#top gun#top gun maverick#icemav#tom iceman kazansky#asks#hope to one day put this energy into like a job or sumn
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Avatar of the Web who keeps getting mistaken for an avatar of the Stranger because nobody cares to understand the nuance between marionettes and mannequins.
#she starts. like. shoving spiders into the gaps of her ball joints just to prove a point.#actually wait I love this idea#this bitch has everyone tangled in her strings abd playing the part she wants them to. but no matter WHAT she does she can't get ppl to know#what the actual Fear she serves is unless she directly tells them (and then they don't always believe her).#She'll have a hunter quite literally caught in her web and being eaten by spiders and they'll still b like#''hmmmm idk I could have sworn I heard a calliope around here.'' and she'll be like ''That was my ominous organ music u BITCH''#What if she hangs out at festivals and raves and clubs and the like bc of how heavy they tend to b with addiction and hot beds for gossip#but everyone thinks she goes bc of the performance aspect/seeing everyone and knowing no one/getting lost in a crowd/unfamiliarity/etc.#because both the Stranger and the Web can thrive in those areas for completely different reasons#Also she always has a running tape recorder at music performances bc she thinks the Mother of Puppets would appreciate her edm <3#It isn't particularly appreciated but as far as offerings go it's relatively sweet so the spiders let it slide#I cannot overstate how much this web avatar clashes with Annabelle. Oh they're polite enough and have the same goals but anyone who sees#them in a room together will immediately start bleeding from the eyes.#It's the pairing of an immaculate vintage gothic paired with neon mismatched ravewear.#Plus where Annabelle looks very alive and leans into the spider aspect the other avatar is a lifesized marionette with her#wooden body visible where her skin tone makeup has smeared#I picture this avatar as like. she wears the shortest and skimpiest clothing that can still be qualified as clothing n not underwear with#kandi to cover her ball joints.#She decorates her marionette strings in neon lights and dances with them so nobody notices a few of those are connected to her ''flesh''.#and she marks in many ways but esp by trading kandi. the connection formed by a kandi trade is far more literal in her case. if u have kandi#from her it is a mark for you to be tracted down later yo either be tormented or feasted upon (preferably both)
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genuinely the only thing keeping me sane right now through my severe chronic pains is remembering that alter wouldn't think my condition is gross
#or if she would? she wouldnt care#like doesnt even have to be a romantic thing you know#anyway. apparently my case is so severe that idk if the doctors in my city are even qualified/skilled enough to treat it#so i have to call the nurses again tomorrow to let me speak to a doctor about my condition#this is just me rambling to my 3 followers hello everyone i love you#i dont know i just need something to think about#so i think about alter a lot because i love her#i should just make a side tumblr to write alter x readers or something during this
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no outright spoilers, but like. prior to act 5 i was like "lmao what if furina didn't know neuvillette is a dragon. maybe she never really questioned how he's lived a suspiciously long time and took that at face value. that'd be funny"
...and now there's maybe a sliver of a possibility that could be true and it's still kinda funny
#crow.txt#genshin#not writing#like it would make a lot of sense in either case. if he told her or if he didnt. esp if he didnt tell her simply bc she never asked#or he assumed she knew as it was#but its funny to think about furina never giving it much thought and then having it mentioned offhandedly by neuvi himself or like. wrio#who just assumes by default she Has to already be aware#and shes like HEY! HOLD ON! WHAT!!!!! HES FUCKING WHAT!!!!! UGH HE NEVER TELLS ME ANYTHINGGGGG 🥺#unless i missed something. like she never (at least in act 5) made direct reference to it. idk abt her lines#guess this qualifies as#headcanons#?#is that the tag. man idk
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witnessed a probably easily disprovable theory about how people try to figure out if freyja is a mistranslation/another title for frigg that also posits freyr is a creation of later mythology and all that he is, freyja had dominion over instead.
feels all of that ooze out of my brain to instead consider genderfluid freyja.
#i am not qualified enough on current translation/interpretation trends to comment on the freyja/frigg welding attempts.#nor do i know enough about the history of the vanir sib inclusion in mythos to comment on timetables/if this is a case of how#it's theorized hera was worshiped s a mother goddess generations before zeus cropped up in pre-grecian rites and took her throne.#i just know my freyja in rp is a daughter of desire and loves her parent dearly and could in a sense inherit identity.#idk if i'll put it in stone but like. lmao it's one deity of ambiguous gender presentation i'd kind of love that.#she knows she's odin's side chick. but odin is also her side chick bc she has a bammin slammin hot af wife too--#crack //#also she can be genderfluid even knowing freyr is there. can just see sunshine boy being like !!! TWO FREYRS! on days he has a brother
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okay unfortunately i do have more thoughts and i'm going to make it everyone's problem as always 🙏 and i'm sure it's all been said before in a much better way but but just bear with me. let her cook. anyway i was just thinking about porsche and how he serves as an audience surrogate of sorts. out of all these characters, he's the one whose motivations and thoughts make the most sense to us. he's an instantly likeable protagonist, he acts in a clear way (at first) to protect those he loves, and most importantly, he's an outsider to the mafia world. random connection but in a way he reminds me of lexi from euphoria, where it's like "hmmm this is the most Normal character and probably the one i'm going to relate to the most" lol
so his whole deal with vegas. he's been scorned by kinn, punished for something outside of his control, and he's in desperate need of someone who is just Nice To Him. well enter this guy who's a certified pro at being nice on a surface level to get what his father wants what he wants. it's a recipe for disaster and it's honestly what makes their dynamic so compelling
but the thing is. i'm going back and forth like a maniac here bc i can't decide. i feel like vegas is genuinely affected by porsche's warmth and authenticity. he's completely unlike the twisted world that he's landed in. sure, he's had to make deals to survive before but not anything on this level. so i think that there is something real in vegasporsche's relationship (wow. groundbreaking, i know. but i'm just spitballing here)
the same goes for pete in a more obvious way. pete has been wearing different masks his whole life, and then porsche waltzes in, just completely new and unguarded. he's a menace and he turns everything upside down and he gets tankhun to leave his room. and then he befriends pete! and i have nothing conclusive to say about any of this, really, but i just think there's something to be said about both vegas and pete both maybe kind of being charmed by this decent, honest guy at the beginning. pete becoming his friend and vegas becoming....something
#that's all for today folks!!#just here to let you all know that the brainrot is alive and well#in case you had any doubts :D#porsche kittisawasd#vegas theerapanyakul#pete saengtham#kpts#kp meta#ish? i guess?#idk how to write so i can't imagine that this qualifies but i'm tagging it anyway lol
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so something seems to have glitched and given me two of the exact same Side Order badge
EDIT: okay no apparently this is intentional and these badges just happen to look nigh-identical
#Rambles Into The Void#Side Order Spoilers#? just in case#tryig so hard for that full 100%#also despite having done the spire with 8's palette it didn't give me the badge for that??#maybe it doesn't qualify unless i have less hacks on . idk#EDIT: okay yeah you need . 4 or less. which is some Bull Shit.
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