#but i also want to just lie in bed pitying myself

[taintedcigs]

we’d still worship this love — e.m.

part two of even if it’s a false god.

pairing: modern!college!fboy eddie x fem!reader

warnings: smut!!!!!!, 18+, MINORS DNI. p in v, cr*ampie, unprotected s*x, angstangstangst, eddie regrets everything!!, jealous eddie, a bit of protective steve, drinking, swearing, praises, nicknames, fluff!!

summary: in which eddie regrets what he said to you. (wc:6.3k+)

a/n: literally the lyrics match up soooo well w the story imo im sorry for the last line ok i rlly tried to hold myself back not to directly write any lyrics lmao. this is CHEESY. i hate THE ENDING. as usual! but im so glad u guys liked pt. one and i didn't want to deprave any of u !!! i did not proof-read so pls ignore any mistakes!! hope u guys enjoy this lmk what u think mwah!!

Eddie sighed as he checked the kitchen, you were still nowhere to be found.

He had fucked up.

So badly.

He grabbed the half-empty red cup sitting on the kitchen stand. A whiff of alcohol hit his senses as soon as he tried to sniff it; it reeked, but Eddie didn’t care at this point, downing it like it was water.

He grabbed the pack of cigarettes sitting in his back pocket, walking miserably toward the backyard as he lit the cigarette sitting between his lips.

“Let’s get you to Steve’s, yeah?” The voice that passed by him was quick to grab his attention.

Robin.

“Robin?” He exclaimed excitedly, causing Robin to mouth “Don’t”.

He took a step to get closer to you but stopped quickly in his tracks; he had caused enough fucking damage.

He made his bed, and now he needed to lie in it.

He watched as you and Robin left, leaving him all alone. 

2 HOURS LATER

DON’T ANSWER: im so fuckhjing sorry

DON’T ANSWER: i didnt fuckingmeanit lije that i swear

DON’T ANSWER: pls talk to me

DON’T ANSWER: r u at steve? i can come

DON’T ANSWER: pleaseeeeee we can’t leave things like this. 

You heaved a sigh reading his texts, he was drunk again, and you weren’t going to entertain him.

You blocked this contact. 

“He’s texting me.” You groaned, chucking your phone away as you plopped yourself onto Steve’s bed.

“What did he say?” Steve asked curiously.

“He wants to see me and talk, he’s drunk again.” You replied curtly, head still filled with the words he uttered to you.

“I just… I can’t believe he’d say that.” Robin chimed in, shaking her head.

“I could. He’s an asshole.” You rolled your eyes.

“Yeah… but I always thought he had a soft spot for you.” Robin muttered.

You chuckled dryly. “He has a soft spot for my body.” You crinkled with disgust.

Robin shook her head as she spoke. “No, I mean it, Y/N… I really don’t believe he meant it like—” 

Steve was quick to interrupt. “Jesus, Robin, stop making excuses for him. I know he’s your friend and all, but he fucked up. And there’s nothing he can do now to ever take back the things he did to her!” He exclaimed, the two of them started bickering back and forth. 

You wanted to sink into the bed; you so badly wanted to believe Robin, believe that Eddie’s words were all just a lie, just something he made up on the spot just because he was afraid. 

But Steve was right—even if it was a lie, even if it was all a huge misunderstanding, nothing he could do would undo the amount of pain he caused you. The nights you spent sobbing—nothing could change that. 

But a part of you also knew that, if Eddie ever caught you in a moment of weakness again, you’d do it all over again; you’d let him ruin you all over again, just to have him complete you for the mere seconds he made you feel loved. 

The bickering and the storm in your mind stopped with a sudden knock on Steve’s door. 

The three of you looked at each other in unison.

Shit.

Did that stupid bastard really have the audacity to come here? 

You looked over at Steve with pity, about to open your mouth and beg, plead with him to do something, and he was quick to understand your train of thought. “I got this.” He muttered, hand squeezing your knee for comfort before he attended the door. 

As soon as the door swung open, there he was, blood-shot eyes and messy hair framing his face. He was shitfaced and could barely stand against the door frame. “Munson.” Steve affirmed sternly. 

“W—where is she?” Eddie slurred, barely even letting Steve speak. 

“She’s not here.” Steve said without letting Eddie take a look. 

“Look, man… I know she is, please—” He tried to push past him, but Steve stood his ground, blocking his way before his face turned cold. 

“She doesn’t want to see you.” Steve almost hissed, the intensity of his gaze taking Eddie back. 

“Don’t make this any harder and just leave, yeah?” Steve muttered, almost shutting the door before Eddie’s heavy boots interfered. 

“Please.” Eddie pleaded, making Steve huff as he threw a quick glance your way, and you quickly shook your head, mouthing ‘no’s.

But that was it; Eddie barged in as he used Steve’s distraction to his advantage, you gasped when the door swung open, revealing Eddie. 

He couldn't tear his eyes away from you, his gaze held guilt and relief. Guilty because of the fact that he uttered those words to you. But, relieved that he saw you, relieved that he could finally explain himself to you.

Yet you looked at him with such disgust that it ached his heart, putting on a heavy ache on his chest. Every breath he took now felt like a struggle. 

“Don’t!” You seethed when he took a step toward you, Steve was quick to jump to your defence, but you waved him off. 

“Leave.” You could feel your face grow hotter with rage each time you spoke, you didn’t want him here, you wanted him to disappear from the face of the earth. 

“I’m so fucking sorry.” That was all that left his lips, his eyes were glinting with sadness, and his bottom lip trembled with guilt. 

“You have the nerve… You have the fucking nerve.” You chuckled dryly, tongue rolling inside your cheek in anger. 

“Please... Let me just explain,” He slurred. 

His drunkenness made you more angry.

“I don’t want you to!” You hissed.  

“I told you, I’m fucking done, Munson.” You spoke calmly, tears were threatening to spill, but you held your ground. 

“One fucking minute, I swear—” You heaved a sigh, and another angry chuckle escaped from your throat as you looked at Steve, as if to tell him to kick him out, signaling for help. 

“Alright,” Steve muttered. “She doesn’t wanna talk, Munson.” He spoke calmly as he held Eddie’s arm, trying to drag him out. Eddie’s protests fell deaf on your ear as you plopped yourself on the bed again, crying into Steve’s sheets as Robin played with your hair to reassure you. 

1 MONTH LATER:

Thirty fucking days.

Eddie was going to lose his mind. 

Blocked from everywhere, and you avoided him like the plague.

He knew he deserved to be shut out; he knew he didn’t deserve you. But even crumbs of information from you would have eased him.

Steve and Robin had been useless, except for today. Except for that cryptic message Robin sent him about you being at the party today. And he praised his lucky stars for that.

Until he made it to the party.

Until he finally saw you.

With Mr. Jock pinning you against the wall as you giggled at his unfunny jokes.

Jesus fucking Christ. 

Don’t make a scene, Eddie. Don’t fucking make a scene—

His lips pressed together, jaw quick to clench as he couldn’t help the way he almost sprinted toward you. He didn’t know if it was out of pure jealousy, or the fact that he had missed you so goddamn much that he couldn’t stray away from you anymore. 

“Hi, honey.” Eddie said sarcastically and chirpily, jealousy dripped from his tone, and he couldn’t help the intense gaze he had on the asshole. 

You froze in your place as soon as you recognized the voice. What the fuck was he doing? 

Standing between the two of you, “Who’s this?” Eddie spat, his hand aggressively pointing toward him. 

You rolled your eyes before you turned to him. “Don’t,” You warned, your brows shooting up and a fiery flash apparent in your eyes. 

“Who are you?” He narrowed his eyes at Eddie, and as if Eddie had been waiting for him to provoke him further, he gave a smug smirk. Body turning to face the asshole.

You panicked, and the ever-so apparent tension in the air grew thicker “No one.” You replied quickly, avoiding Eddie’s lingering gaze. 

“Really? You’re gonna play that card, princess?” He gave you a dry chuckle, jealousy gnawed at his insides. 

You squeezed your eyes shut to save yourself from embarrassment, but he wasn’t going to stop until this jerk wasn’t at your side. 

“That’s not what you were saying the last time I saw you—” You were quick to cut him off with a warning gaze, your eyes widening. 

“Eddie… This—this is Ethan.” You said through gritted teeth. 

Eddie mocked a realization face, and you wanted to punch that smirk off of his stupid smug face. “Oh…” He laughed all-knowingly.

“That Ethan? The jock?” You narrowed your eyes, annoyance setting over your face, and you couldn’t handle the heat growing in your cheeks. 

This asshole. 

“I’m sorry, man.” He chuckled, giving Ethan a harsh slap on the shoulder, a slap that wasn’t friendly in the slightest bit—and you were sure now that the tension in the space the three of you shared could be cut through with a knife.

You cleared your throat to speak up, but Ethan did it before you. “What the fuck are you talkin’ about?”

This was the provocation Eddie needed, and you knew it; you saw that mischievous glint glimmer in his eyes. “Oh, just that she was telling me all about how fucking horrible you—”

You interrupted Eddie with a nervous giggle. “Sooo sorry! He’s just a bit drunk!” You gave Ethan a panicked smile. 

“I’ll see you around!” You called out, walking off while dragging Eddie as far away from him as possible with a harsh grip on his arm. 

You probably didn’t know what you were getting yourself into when you dragged him toward the closest empty room. 

“What the fuck?!?” You yelled into his face. 

He ignored your distress. “What are you doing with him?”

“None of your business.” You hissed.

“It is my business if you get with Mr Jock again.”

“I’m not getting with—” You lowered your voice mid-sentence, annoyance taking over. 

“What part of ‘I don’t want to fucking see you ever again’ don’t you understand?” You let out through gritted teeth, your face heating from anger. 

“Did you know…” He said, completely ignoring you, and you looked at him with the same angry expression, getting tired of his antics.

“When you get angry like that, a line crinkles on your forehead, and those sweet lips pout into a frown? You look so fuckin’ cute like that.” He murmured, leaning against the wall you trapped him into.

You let out an exasperated sigh, eyes rolling into the back of your head. “What the fuck is your problem?” You asked, brows furrowing. 

“What the hell do you want from me?” 

“You? I mean, eventually, I want to wake up with you every morning and fall asleep with you every night.” He smirked.

Fucking jerk.

You chuckled with an audible scoff. "Is this some kind of a joke?" You muttered under your breath, voice laced with irritation.

“You are so fucking irritating.” You spat, eyes narrowing. 

“Just… just—Leave me alone.” Your voice lowered, your face was coming closer to his, and all Eddie could think about was how nice it was to have you this close to him again, to feel your warmth again.

You could see it, the emotions his gaze held, but you didn’t want to fall for his antics again, so you turned quickly to leave.

“Please.” His pleading and his hold on your arm were what made you stop in your tracks. The way his voice cracked, you could hear the desperation. If only you didn’t care about him this fucking much…

“Please—just, hear me out.” He was almost begging, and you knew you should be running, you knew you shouldn’t care, not even to spit the venom inside of you that had been building since that night.

But you can’t help it. 

“Are you fucking kidding me?” You asked, words coming out in a sharp and biting tone as your anger escalated. 

“After what you said to me...” You looked at him with a piercing stare, your eyes practically emitting flashes of irritation.

“Do you have any fucking idea how much I can’t even stomach being around you?” Your nostrils flared with every breath you took. 

“In fact, I hate you.” You spat.

“You hate me?” He asked, inching closer toward you. 

“Yes!” You snapped. 

“Then show me.” He challenged. 

“W—what?” You stuttered, your confidence dissipating in a second as the room felt so fucking small when he was standing this close to you. 

Your guard was so thinly veiled that one fucking word from him was enough to shatter it.

And you knew, with one or two more pushes from him, you’d give in. You’d give in, regardless; you had missed him more than you would ever let him know. 

And you shouldn’t. You fucking shouldn’t.

“Take it out on me.” He whispered, gaze intentionally fixated on your lips. 

“You hate me, fine! One last time. Get me out of your system.” He’s so close to your face that when he leans in to whisper in your ear, you can feel his hot breath on your neck. 

He’s intoxicating—his endearing words, the jealousy, and the possessiveness—and you shouldn’t fucking fall for it. 

But it feels different this time; something is so fucking different about him that it’s throwing you off. The way his pretty lips frame the words is convincing. 

Making you believe that this would be the last time, making you believe that you could come clean off him if you had him just one more fucking time. 

You don’t say anything when you give in, your gaze lingering on his lips.

His eyes are quick to trace your face, admiring all of your features in awe, regret filling every vein in his body, knowing that this would be the last time. 

“You’re fucking beautiful,” he says roughly. He doesn’t let you respond, lets the petty comments die down your throat when he kisses you. 

Oh, Jesus, Fucking Christ. 

Your heart was pounding against your ribcage. There was something so bittersweet about the way he kissed you, knowing it was going to be the last. He twirled his tongue with yours, so needy and so fucking promising. 

Eddie knew you better than the back of his hand, so when you started whimpering against his lips, your knees giving out, he knew you didn’t want to waste any time. 

He guided you toward the bed, gentle as he had never been before. The two of you were slow to undress each other, savoring every fucking moment. 

He let you lead everything, going only at your pace and making sure everything was up to your desires, purely catering to you. 

You could sense it, see the difference in how intimate this was, compared to others where it was just senselessly fucking, this was passionate, and it was killing the two of you. 

Rather than just pushing into it, he kept his gaze on you, admiring the way your chest rose up and down as his calloused hands slid further down your body, nipples hardening when his hands stopped to ghost over your thighs. 

His other hand rested on your breasts, and he didn’t hesitate to latch his tongue on it, sucking while his other fingers toyed with your entrance. 

You mewled; you weren’t going to hold back. “Moremoremore.” 

But he didn’t move an inch.

That greedy bastard. 

“More,” You pleaded louder this time, growing impatient. 

Eddie looked at you with such hunger in his eyes that it had your core throbbing. “I’m gonna give you every fucking thing you need, honey.” He promised. 

“But I need… this. I need this memory of you engraved into my brain, forever.” He groaned, giving all of his attention to every part of your body. 

You were quick to nod, quick to oblige him, especially when he made you feel this fucking good. 

But you couldn’t help it, you needed him. Especially when he was everywhere, hands gliding all over your body, making you whimper with just his touch. 

And the way you looked at him was so fucking tempting that he was almost going to explode, you were pleading with your gaze, telling him to take you… fully. To make you his, one last fucking time. 

He could recognize the weight your gaze held, almost as if he understood your train of thought, he pressed his thumb further into your clit, circling around it as your core clenched on nothing. 

“Please,” You begged. 

“Such an impatient, baby,” He muttered into your skin, pushing past your folds as he earned a low groan from you.

“Missed those sweet noises,” He hummed, doing everything in his power to not pound into you right away, the way your cunt was gushing for him, the way you pleaded, Eddie was sure he’d burst if he had to wait more. 

With a tender touch, he tucked your hair back. “You have no clue how fuckin’ insane you make me.” He pressed a sloppy kiss, his hands were still working their way through your folds. 

“Each time I’m around you… it’s like I lose all my fuckin’ senses.” He slurred into your ear, his cock was straining his boxers, and you looked so fucking perfect beneath him, looking all fucked when he had barely touched. 

But you ignored it. Ignored every one of his words, you didn’t need his sappy shit; you didn’t need another reason to stay. 

You just needed to feel good. 

“Please, fuck, baby, please,” You whimpered softly, your nails digging harshly into his back, making his cock twitch more and more. 

Baby. 

He doesn’t even remember the last time you called him that, and it shouldn’t bring a stupid, childish grin to his face, but it does. 

He’s ready to put everything behind him, start over, and do whatever you say. 

But he’s sure you will never let him. 

“I need you, Eds.” You murmured, eyes gazing into his; a mixture of tenderness and longing overtaking your features, speaking to him without uttering a single word.

That was all it took for him to free his hard cock from his boxers, his pink-tip burning with desire as it faced you, beads of pre-cum dripping from it as you smeared it all over, giving it a few pumps before you placed it into your entrance. 

The low groans that escaped Eddie’s lips were so fucking loud, filling the room, and you loved it. You loved the strained sounds he made with one touch from you. 

He didn’t hesitate to push himself deep inside of you without a warning, the space now being filled with both of your contented groans. 

“Holy fuck,” He breathed, head tilted back as he grinned at the sight in front of him.

You with your mouth hung open, murmuring his name as you took his cock like the good fucking girl that you were.  

“Takin’ me so well, angel,” He praised, “Baby, so fuckin’ tight, mhmm.” He placed sloppy kisses between your jaw and the line of your neck, grunting as he pounded his cock in and out of you with a speed that had your eyes rolling to the back of your head.

You were lost in him now, lost in the pure passion and affection Eddie provided you. You never felt this fucking good; you never felt this fucking close to him, breathing heavily as you struggled to keep your eyes open. 

Everything was so fucking intense that you could barely breathe.  

“Look at how well your sweet cunt is takin’ me in.” Eddie moaned, watching the way his cock disappeared into you, nuzzling him with your warmth. 

“Fuckfuckfuck. S’fuckin’ warm, honey.” He muttered the deeper he pushed into you, and your walls were quick to clench around his throbbing cock.

You arched your back into him as you rocked your hips toward him.  

You wanted him deeper and deeper, faster and faster, his every moment was euphoric, and you needed him, more and more. 

He was making you greedy. 

God, you wanted to hate him so fucking bad. 

He groaned at your impatience, relished in the way you grunted your hips more into his cock, he chuckled smugly. “Greedy baby,” He muttered. 

You ignored his taunting while you begged for more. 

“Shut up,” You murmured, teasing him back.

And it was a huge mistake.

He cursed as he pulled out of you, and you whined at the emptiness, “Shit, shit, ‘m sorry” You whispered, but he ignored you, continuing his teasing while all you could do was thrash beneath him. 

“Pleasepleaseplease,” You begged, causing him to smirk down at you. 

And even though your pleas were heavenly, Eddie was in no mood to stray away from you, he needed to be inside of you. 

He needed to feel your walls hugging his cock, he needed to be as close to you as he possibly could. 

“I would never say no to you, doll.” He mocked, rocking his hips into you with such force that the whimper that slipped past your lips was sinful. 

“All fuckin’ mine, yea?” He whimpered needily, and you nodded without hesitation, even though you both knew that wasn’t true. 

You shuddered underneath him; he was filling you to the brim, and you cherished every fucking second of it. 

“Eddie…” You barely let out a breath; the pleasure and sensation of each of his movements overwhelmed you. 

He cooed, “S’stuffed with my cock that you can barely speak, doll?” He asked mockingly. 

You nodded without hesitation, eyes squeezed shut. “I—Fuck…” Your head was dizzy, incoherent babbles were the only thing that escaped your lips, and Eddie knew, he knew you were close by the way your legs trembled. 

“Fuck… honey—I know.” He purred cockily, his hips pushing further into you with a glorious thrust. “I feel the same, baby.” He groaned when you clenched around him again.  

“My perfect girl.” He muttered as he continued his pace, his cock rocking into you further and faster—as if it were possible—earning low pleads from you in return.

“I never—I never thought being with someone could ever feel this way,” He whispered into your ear. 

Don’t let him get to you; don’t fucking let his words get to you.

But fuck—does everything with him feel so fucking good. 

“But, shit, you’re so different…” He muttered, his pace continuing as he grunted between his sentences. 

“You’re so fucking different.” You avoided his gaze, the emotion it held was too fucking much for you to handle.  

You tried to ignore it, tried to ignore the way you felt the hot tears streaming down your cheeks. Your emotions were a mess. 

It felt good, and he felt good; his words, his fucking cock inside of you, everything felt so fucking good. It was the temporary fix you needed. 

“Don’t do this to me, Munson.” You barely let out, he could feel your thighs trembling. 

“I…I never felt this way before… Jesus—Fuck.” The rocking motion of his hips became rougher each time he spoke; you were clenching around him, getting tighter and tighter, driving the both of you into insane heights of pleasure.

“I think I lo—” You snapped from your hazy state of pleasure; each of his words was like a stab at your fresh wound, the one he fucking created. 

“Don’t,” You warned him sternly, interrupting before he could get another vowel out.

"Don’t fucking finish that sentence. Don’t do that with me.”

“I know you. It's not working on me." You whispered.

“But—” He pleaded, and you interrupted again.

“Don’t say things you don’t mean, don’t ruin this.” The words were harsh as they left your lips.

“Don’t say things to make me doubt this, to make it harder for me to leave.” There was such a vulnerability in your voice that he couldn't help but want to protest. 

He wanted to tell you that it was all fucking true. That he was so fucking in love with you that he was sure he lost his mind. 

Yet, you don’t let him speak, you don’t let his words fool you, not again. 

You kiss him in a dizzyingly rough motion just to shut him up. 

His skin slaps against yours, rough, as if he’s trying to take his frustrations out, and you let him, you let him pound into you senselessly. You let his cock drive into you further, not stopping until he’s sure he’s stuffed you to the brim. 

“Eddie, fuck!” You mumble into his lips; your brows are drawn together, and he knows—he knows you are close. 

“Are you gonna cum, baby?” He cooed, and you nodded quickly. “Cum for me, honey.” He encouraged, not stopping his pace as he roughly thrusted his cock inside of your throbbing cunt one last time. 

A gush of wetness pulsed out of you when you released around him, the strength of your orgasm was enough to choke you out, and white-hot flashes blurred your vision as he watched you in awe. 

He wasn’t far behind, as the strained moans that escaped your throat drove him closer to the edge. 

“Shitshit—s’fuckin’ perfect.” He grunted. The way your cunt convulsed around him was too much for him to handle. He slammed inside of you one last time.

“Fuckfuckfuckfuck—” He growled against your hair as he came, his cock shrivelled inside your cunt, pulsing as he coated your walls with his warm cum, fucking his release inside of you.

The two of you stayed like that for a hot minute, bodies tangled to each other, both minds fuzzy as both of you tried to catch your breath. 

You could feel tears brimming your eyes again when the realization hit you. 

This was the last time. 

And you needed to leave. 

As soon as possible.

And that’s exactly what he’s afraid of, afraid of you leaving, forever. 

You are quick to shake your thoughts off, quickly getting up to get dressed. 

“Don’t,” He mutters, it’s barely audible. 

You turn to him with a quizzed look. “Please… Just, please don’t leave.” He begs, it’s the last sight you expect, and the last thing you expect to hear. 

And it should feel so fucking satisfying, to know he’s wrapped around your finger, to know he is practically pleading for you. But it doesn’t, it feels so fucking sentimental, and you hate it. 

“You knew.” You muttered, putting on the clothes you so carelessly discarded. 

“You wanted this to be the last time.” You whispered, not daring to look at him.

“I lied,” He was quick to reply. 

“Eddie…” You heaved a sigh.

“Please, just fucking listen to me for once.” He breathed; you’re sure you’ve never heard him this determined. 

“I’m a fucking idiot, and I’m the biggest coward in the whole fucking universe, okay?” You turn around to meet his gaze, it’s pitiful and heavy with guilt, and you wish you never cared about him.

You wish you could just throw your feelings away and leave him behind. 

“I don’t deserve you!” He exclaimed, causing you to roll your eyes. 

“Stop… just stop with the bullshit of making me pity you—” You replied angrily.

But he doesn’t let you finish. 

“Look, Y/N. I want that with you, I want something real with you… Shit—more than anything.” 

You chuckled, baffled. “Too fucking late for that.” You replied coldly. 

“I—it doesn’t have to be!” He spoke, grasping at straws to get you to give him one more chance.

Just one more fucking chance.

“What good will it do?” You whispered.

“You know what I realized?” You asked, putting on your shirt as Eddie gazed at you with need. 

“We’re both so beyond fucked up that...” You squeezed your eyes shut.

“Us—” You pointed toward the two of you. “We would never work!” You spat.

“I’m the last fucking girl for a relationship, and you’re the last fucking guy for a relationship.” 

“That’s why it would be perfect!” He tried to reason, but you shook your head.

“No—no, it wouldn’t! We’d eat each other alive!” You exclaimed, but Eddie refused. 

“So?” He shrugged.

“So? We’d just fight all the time! You really want a relationship that hard?”

“When did you become so fucking afraid to take a risk? A little challenge?” You narrowed your eyes.

He read you like a fucking book. You knew you weren’t afraid of a challenge.

You were afraid of getting hurt.

You were afraid of being more attached to him than you already were.

You were afraid of him running out once you decided to fully commit.

You knew it wasn’t all him; you were messed up in your own fucking way. Avoiding everything that felt too real was your specialty, because you’d rather be aching now than in the near future when he broke your heart again.

If you didn’t leave now, you never could.

“Goodbye, Eddie.” You muttered, shutting out whatever he was saying as you closed the door. 

Eddie sat on the bed, alone with himself, and his mind that was spinning with thoughts and his own voice telling him that he fucked up. 

He chucked his jacket to the ground as he rubbed his hands along his face in frustration. 

He had truly done it this time, he had lost you.

Forever.

But did he have to? 

Did he need to be a fucking coward again? 

Why would he give up this fucking fast when he didn’t tell you how he even felt? 

Eddie got up in a hurry, sprinting toward the party like a man possessed, spinning around each girl he saw in the hopes that it might be you. 

“Have you seen, Y/N?” He asked, and the blonde girl pointed toward the porch. 

He muttered a quick ‘Thanks’ as he slipped through the bodies in his way as fast as he could, making his way onto the porch with anticipation, eyes glistening the second he spotted you. 

You were sat on the cold wooden floor with your face buried into your hands, quiet sniffling was all Eddie heard. And he felt it again—that familiar ache—the same ache he felt the past month, when he couldn’t see you, talk to you, or know how you were doing. It returned instantly when he heard your sobs. 

“Hey… hey…” He murmured, causing you to jump as you turned to him with swollen eyes and your mascara was quick to run down your cheeks. 

“You’re gonna get cold, honey. Let’s get you up, yea?” He had never been this fucking caring, nor did he ever pine after you this much; he always held back, no matter what storms brewed in his mind. 

He extended his arm for you to take, but you glared at him coldly. “What are you doing here, Eddie?” 

“I need to talk to you.” He said. 

“Jesus fucking Christ.” You muttered, “How many times do I have to tell you that I don’t want to—” Your rant was interrupted by his pleas.

“Please—just don’t say anything and just listen, please.” You sighed. 

“Please, Y/N.” 

“Fine.” You crossed your arms against your chest, your eyes still glistening with tears.

He inched closer to you. “These thirty fucking days I’ve spent away from you… It’s been torture, Y/N.” He shook his head. 

“You—you have no fucking idea the things I did... The things I’ve tried to forget about us... Forget you.” His voice almost cracked, distress overtaking his features. He was sincere, so fucking honest that it was starting to make you afraid.

You couldn’t decide if it was him or the chilly breeze that sent shivers down your spine. “And no matter what I did, I still found myself itching for you. A part of me that I couldn’t fucking kill craved for you… to see you, to call you.” 

You’d never seen him like this before.

Eddie was always guarded, all fun and teasing. Always turning serious shit into jokes.

And this was real. The only thing you wanted from him, the only thing you begged that he made a mockery of. The hypocrisy was appalling to you.

You opened your mouth, your brows had already furrowed, and he could tell you were going to curse him out, so he didn’t let you.

“I know… I’m a fucking hypocrite, I get it.” He whispered, and your eyes almost widened.

How the fuck did he read you that easily?

“And I’m so fucking sorry for everything I said.” He ran his hands through his curls, almost tugging them out for being an idiot.

“I was afraid, okay?” He heaved a sigh, hand ruffling through his messy hair.

You didn’t want to ask him what he was afraid of because you knew—because you were afraid of the same thing.

Your lips trembled with need; no words dared to come out of them. 

“I was so fucking scared because I did the first thing we promised not to do.” He squeezed his eyes shut. You knew how bad he was with his feelings; you couldn’t even believe that he had made it this far.

“I think—No, I know.” He shook his head.

“I really fell for you.” He was ripping open your chest now, holding your heart out. Telling you he felt the same. A gasping, quiet noise escaped your lips; this was all you wanted—needed.

You’ve been this close to Eddie countless times before; hell, he probably fucked you at a much closer distance countless times before, but this was intimate. 

“And I realized... I could lose everything in this fucked up world.” He took a deep breath, his face so close to yours that you could sense it. Sense every emotion radiating from his body—the vulnerability, the pain. 

Each beat of your heart was like a drumroll against your chest; everything you longed for was there, a breath away from you.

“But not you. Oh god, not you.” His brows knitted together in a painful expression, and his voice was barely audible as he looked at you with a gaze that held you as the center of his universe.

You wanted to kiss him; you wanted his soft lips to graze against yours; you wanted to sob into him, melt into him, and become complete with him. 

“W—what are you saying?” You asked, and you knew the answer, but you needed that confirmation, you needed those three words to leave his lips.

“I love you.” He said without hesitation, and you couldn’t help the childish grin that formed on your face, mirroring Eddie’s. 

“I—You do?” You stuttered.

“Yeah… I love you so fucking much that it’s embarrassing, really.” He chuckled, still not able to comprehend your expressions; you looked… frozen. 

“You, uh, you don’t have to say it back.” He scratched the back of his neck awkwardly, all of this was so fucking new to him. What was he supposed to do now? Kiss you? No, no, no... He couldn’t do that because you didn’t say it back. 

“I’m sorry, shit, uhm—I honestly have no fucking clue what I’m doing,” He stuttered. 

You gave him a warm smile. “I’d say you are doing well,” You whispered, scrunching your nose. 

“Yeah?” He returned the smile—that goddamn smile that brought out his dimples. 

God, you wanted to kiss him. 

“You’re making it so hard for me to leave.” You muttered, turning around to take a breath as you shook your head.

Eddie sighed, hands quick to find yours as he turned you to face him. “Then don’t leave. Stay.”

His past words didn’t matter, and how your relationship started didn’t matter. None of it mattered now because Eddie was ready, ready to give himself fully to you. And he looked at you like you were the only thing that mattered.

It was now or never. You heaved a sigh of breath as you looked into his eyes; you couldn’t help yourself. How could you not utter those words back to him?

“Jesus…When I told Robin that I was ready to fall in love again, I didn’t mean with you.”

You barely gave him any time to process your words as you smashed your lips with his.

It was as if passion was dripping from every move; it felt so fucking different to have this many emotions carrying your actions.

Before you could further it, taste him fully, Eddie pulled back slightly. You whined at the loss of contact. “Wait, wait, wait.” The words slipped past his lips quickly, eyes widening at your words.

“You—you? You are…?” He asked, baffled. He didn’t expect you to say it back.

He expected you to hate him forever. The thought of someone loving him was unfamiliar to him, especially to the extent that you did. Healing his fears without realizing it.

Your lips quirked into a smile. Why was he so idiotically cute?

You nodded, affirming him.

“Say it, please,” He pleaded, hands gentle as they cupped your cheeks. The look he gave you was mellow and your face tilted as you melted into his tender touch.

“I love you,” You muttered, eyes glinting with all the unspoken feelings you’ve been containing.

“Again.” A grin overtook his lips, and his widened eyes didn’t falter, shock and pure bliss apparent was written all over his face.

“Please,” He implored, brows softening each time you gave him that pretty smile.

“Soooo needy.” You narrowed your eyes jokingly.

“I love you,” You repeated, your gaze lingering on his honey-glazed eyes.

“Aren’t you a fucking dream?” You giggled, the dimples on his left cheek were pretty, he was so pretty.

“I love you more, honey.” He whispered, smashing his soft lips against yours.

And you invite him in to patch up the wounds he made, to give you the world, to love you fully; knowing that the blind faith transcended into something real, something worth worshiping.

[adoresia]

Imagine…

coming to the end of your date with Satoru and you want to film a TikTok video of yourself in memory of the view and also how good you looked. But for extra effect you wanted the wind to blow your hair so it looked like it was flowing in the wind in front of the setting sun, unfortunately there was no wind. So you had to take matters into your own hands…

“Omg toru, I didn't get any good videos wait.” You paused everything you were doing and ran up to the balcony of the restaurant he took you too. The sun hastily setting creating a warm hue in the sky

“We can go take them now look the sun is setting and everything! Might even take some videos of myself ngl.” Gojo exclaimed excitedly, he never wanted to miss out on an opportunity of doing stuff with you, whether it be filming a TikTok, baking, shopping… he liked what you liked.

“Who is we? Boy come help me take this video.”

“Lame, who wouldn’t want to see videos of me I’m literally the strongest.” He argued smugly.

“The only person who would probably like your video is Me, and possibly Megumi out of pity.”

“Your so mean to me I literally brought you on this date” he sulked

“Stop complaining and come blow on my face, there isn’t enough wind.”

“Why the hell am I blowing on your face.”

“Because I did my hair extra good today and I want it to flow in the wind like those beach girls on TikTok.”

Without questioning you again, Gojo positions himself standing a little bit to your side making sure he wasn’t in the frame of the camera. And blew with all his might.

“Why are you blowing so HARD… you are NOT the big bad wolf.”

“IM LITERALLY DOING WHAT YOU ASKED ME TO DO.”

“I ASKED YOU TO BLOW NOT CREATE A SPITTING HURRICANE WITH YOUR MOUTH.”

“Stop screaming at me you’re making me sad.” He cooed playfully

“You play too much. Never mind, let’s just go I give up.” You brushed off, you reconned you could just do it the next time he brought you out on a site-seeing date.

“No, please okay I won’t play around this time. I’ll do it properly.”

You stopped for a second debating if you really wanted to retry since you had already closed the app and put your phone away. However you gave in (very easily probably because of the forced pout Gojo had on his face.

“Omg okay fine stop making that face you’re scaring me.”

And so you go again, this time Gojo blows more gently, the air was more caressing as it blew past your face and through the strands your hair. However he stopped before the video had ended which confused you, causing you to turn slightly ready to be met with a harsh blow. But to your surprise, Gojo had walked into the frame dropping a gentle peck on your soft lips before taking your phone and smiling at the camera.

“Aww how nice, toru. I thought you were gonna start playing around again.”

“You didn’t expect me to kiss you huh? I’m so unpredictable.”

“No you’re just really silly, I already knew you were gonna do something like that.”

“Don’t lie now baby.”

You both watched as the video played on repeat, Gojo staring intently locking onto the features on your face and how the aroma of the sun setting behind you had enhanced your beauty even more. You were so enticing. He thought, he could never keep it to himself. That would be selfish

“You’re so beautiful, can I get a kiss back?”

— I saw this TikTok before going to bed and was like wait this is kinda cute imagine how funny it would be with satoru, so here is my thoughts basically LOL. I’m tired now goodnight this drained me omg.

Video inspiration below!!

[nipuni]

Time for an old school blog post, Hello!

Just various updates about life and shows and clothes and some photos! Adding a read more cut because I talk too much 😊

Happy equinox everyone!! The mild weather has been wonderful for daily park walks. We have been taking our meals outside as often as we can to make the most of it before summer scorches the land and all life. The longer days allow for a lot more wandering too but the imminent return of the heat is also making the longing to move up north worse by the day. We miss the choppy ocean and seaside cliffs 😭 We love the silence and the rain and the nippy sea breeze!! it's like being suspended in early spring for half the year and a rainy autumn the other half, Ideal if you don't mind humidity, but that's what wellies and flat caps are for. We have been looking for properties to rent to show up everyday so for now we lie in wait.

Speaking of nature, a few months ago we discovered a free app called Plantnet that you use to take and upload photos of plants, trees, flowers and it will identify them for you. You keep a log with their locations and can share them too to help contribute to each local biodiversity database. It feels like a pokedex for plants. There are many apps like this one to choose from too. It's been so fun learning what all these plants are called and memorizing them! I recommend it, is like a little educational side quest to take on while stretching your legs and getting some fresh air. This is not an ad I promise lmao I just think it's neat! kind of sad feeling the need to clarify that.

This weather is also making me want to start making outfit posts again! It's been so long since I made any!! my winter wardrobe is mostly long wool coats or capes and boots so the inspiration wasn't there but now I'm ready to pull out all my stuff back from under my bed storage and experiment again 👏 I've also been meaning to share some of Nicolas outfits for ages too so there is more variety, could be fun!

Speaking of clothes, lately I've grown more and more frustrated with how poorly most clothes fit me to the point where I'm considering learning how to make them from scratch. I usually have to take in the tops and hem the bottoms but most things I try on are just built weird even if I fix the size, or maybe I'm built weird! I think it may be both. Nicolas also said he would love to learn along with me so we will probably embark on that adventure soon. OH and on a short tangent, I got myself a sort of binder-like top that flattens the chest a bit and I'm loving it! I'm very flat already but what little bust I do have has always bothered me when I dress and I've found I feel a lot more comfortable in this type of top. I'm glad I tried it out so if you feel similarly you may want to give it a go too, see how it feels!

On the media side of things we have also been watching more of David Tennant's work. We are still very much in love with him to an embarrassing degree, you can probably tell if you follow me anywhere, my likes on twitter alone give me away alksjdf and Nicolas isn't any better! if he used social media his would look the same lmao.

Since my last report we have watched and absolutely LOVED "There She Goes" we already want to watch it again honestly. The family dynamics for all his characters are always so real and refreshing!! Their relationship with their wives especially are always so believable in every series we've seen, the comfort and camaraderie, the banter and just friendship! You can tell they enjoy each other's company, it feels true. I love it so much!!

We also watched "Inside man" which was..a very stressful mess but David was incredible as always, also very hot and very pitiful which is always great, and Stanley Tucci was on it! so that's also fun.

Then we rewatched season one of Good Omens and the first 4 seasons of Doctor Who, with all the extra content like the Confidentials, deleted scenes, video diaries and more, they are just so good!! our list of favourite episodes keeps growing, season four is incredible, we are loving all these seasons even more the second time around!! Now we are probably going to start watching either Classic Who or Torchwood, along with more of David's work. We were trying to pick what to watch during dinner the other day and Nicolas was like 'damn, David is not in this though, I miss him' and lmao same so now we just watch one show without him and one with him right after to cope 😂

OH we have also been doing more historical reenactment! Since the last one in the 20's we jumped back to Regency times. We have been putting our outfits together for a ball soon and hopefully another one in autumn in the UK 😊 1800 is the farthest back in time we've been yet so it's been fun doing research, finding pieces and learning the dances in class but also very hectic. I'll share more about this soon!

Then we also have a couple of 1900 events coming soon, so I'll be sharing more Edwardian looks as well, our favourite era!!

Anyway I think that's all for now, thanks for reading to whoever is doing so!! I know this is long and not a popular blogging format anymore but I enjoy it a lot, maybe some of you do too 🥰 I will reply to some messages soon, I'm so sorry I'm so bad at keeping up with those!! I've read them all and cherish every word 🥺 Thank you for supporting my art and shenanigans as always!! I hope you have a great week!!

[itsjunear]

Comfort

Note: Hello loves! I'm back. After a few months, I have officially finished my midterms and have gotten used to the rhythm of university. I've lost a bit of practice, so I'm really sorry if this is horrible. I know the possibility of a fae catching a cold is almost nil, but I'm sick, so I'll indulge in writing something like this. Again, English is not my first language. I love you all! ❤❤❤

Psdt: I was listening to this song while writing, it doesn't have much to do with it, but I wanted to share it anyway.

Definitely, today would not be a great day. I mean, if waking up with a terrible headache and a runny nose wasn't enough of a bad omen, Az was out on a mission and probably wouldn't be back for another two days.

I sighed as I tried to stand up. The room spun, preventing me from continuing my pitiful attempt to get out of bed, and I groaned, coming to the conclusion that my body felt as if I had climbed up and down the stairs of the House of Wind five times.

I settled back into the large bed I shared with my mate, curling up in the spot that still held his scent. Damn, I missed him so much. I wanted him to be here to hold me.

This is what I had become: a spoiled and needy person because of Azriel. However, with a strength of will gathered over 300 years, I managed to get out of bed and drag myself to the bathroom. I definitely had a fever, and a cold bath would help, so I forced myself into the tub.

Fifteen minutes later, shivering and dressed in Az's warmest clothes, I forced my body to make some soup. Apparently, my biological clock was also out of whack, and I hadn't realized it was already past noon.

Feeling worse than after training with Cassian, I had some of the soup I had made and went back to bed. Wrapped in the scent of my partner and the security it provided, I must have fallen asleep at some point.

A light touch on my forehead gradually pulled me out of unconsciousness, and I responded with a sound filled with annoyance. A low, deep laugh answered me, making me open my eyes as quickly as I could.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hello, darling” greeted Az's voice, immediately making me smile. “Everything okay?” he asked as he stroked my hair.

I nodded, stroking his cheek. “I thought you’d be back in a couple more days.”

“That was the plan, but I got the information Rhys wanted earlier” he frowned. “Just in time, it seems.”

“I’m fine, Az. It’s just a cold” I tried to get out of bed as my head started spinning again. “You must be tired. I’ll make you some dinner.”

My big and handsome mate stopped me, blocking me with his wing and arm simultaneously. “Stay right there, Y/N. Don’t even think about it.”

I rolled my eyes, followed by a grimace from the pain it caused, and tried to push him away from where he had knelt by the bed. Oh, surprise. He didn't move, not even a little.

“Y/N” he called.

I didn’t look at him, so he put his hand under my chin to center my gaze on him. “You need to rest. I’ll call Madja to give you some remedy, okay?” he informed me as he stroked my hair again.

“Az…”

“If necessary, I will tie you to the bed. I'm serious” he interrupted firmly.

“Fine” I rolled my eyes again. “Only if you lie down with me” I relented. After all, this was the only thing I had wanted since the morning.

He smiled as if he could read my thoughts and sent a wave of love through the bond. Without speaking, he lay down next to me, then pulled me into his arms and settled me on his chest. Filled with his warmth, I felt the fatigue overcome me again, and half asleep, I whispered, “I love you.”

“I love you too,” he responded before unconsciousness claimed me.

[lilmisssona]

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋 23 Reasons, Why I Love You 𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

Pairing: Idol Bf! I.N × Fem! Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 5.4k+

Warnings and Tags: SMAU, Cursing, Established Relationship, mentions of cheating, basically INNIE'S being a d*ck here, angsty beginning, fluffy at the end.

A/N: My first one ahhh, it's my birthday gift for our maknae on top! It's a bit long so buckle up and Enjoy! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

Reuse And Translation Not Allowed 🙅‍♀️🚫

✮⋆˙Main Masterlist ✮⋆˙

Four Days. It has been four days, since you last saw Jeongin, your boyfriend. Normally the day gap wouldn't bother you, as you were accustomed to the feeling of being alone.

Your boyfriend being an idol, would leave for days for concerts and interviews; sometimes even weeks...

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

But this time its different. This time it was because of an argument. A stupid one at that. Over minimal things, over both of your assumptions.

And you've been fighting your urge everyday to not go knocking at his room and slapping some sense into him. After all it wasn't your fault anyways...

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

"Babe, I was only trying to help," You argued. "Really YN ?" " I don't think you are" Jeongin paused before muttering...

" I don't want YOU out of all people to be pitying me "

"Is it that hard to go to a therapist Innie ?"

You softly cooed at him, looking up to his familiar doe eyes...But only an unfamiliar icy cold look stared back at you.

"If not, then let me take care of you, how does a warm bubble bath and some massages sound? ''

You gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and smiled. He flinched and withdrew his hand from yours.

" WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALL TREAT ME LIKE A BABY ??? " He screamed.

" I'm not a baby anymore! I can take care of myself "

"Why are you..." He broke down, hot tears streaming down his face....

" Why are all of you telling me to do this, do that! I am fucking tired of it !!"

"Channie told me what's going on..."

" You don't sleep much nowadays, are always zoning out in practice and only come out of your bed to eat when the members call to you "

" You know you can always talk to me Innie ''

Your eyes are blurry now because of the tears so you looked down at the floor.

" So this is all a plot you made, so that you can get rid of me. " He glared at you.

" What ?? " You stared back at him, shocked.

" What does going to a therapist and taking care of yourself, have to do anything with me getting rid of you"

" And why would I do that!!!"

"Don't lie to me yn, I know you've been crushing on my best friend, Heesung, since a long time"

" I've seen the texts " He smirked.

" What The Fuck Jeongin ??" You spat back, glaring at him with tears in your eyes.

" What made you even think that I'm cheating on you ?"

"Idk" " You met him behind my back at the cafe last week."

"And you also said, don't tell Jeongin,"

" I watched you get all giggly with him"

"Oh... " You chuckled, relief washed all over you as you realised what's going on.

" You're completely mis reading the situation babe, it's not what it looks like "

" They always say that..." He muttered, clenching his teeth..

" Is that why you've been ignoring all my texts since the last week ?" You asked him calmly.

"You know what leave me actually"

"It'll do us both something good"

" You can finally get the peace you want."

You gasped, his words hitting you like a dagger in your chest.

" Do you even know what you're saying Jeongin ?" You screamed at him.

" Do you know why I met him ? No, right ? "

"Then how can you even assume I cheated on you "

" I don't know YN, it just doesn't seem right"

" I know I haven't been able to give you much time as I've been stressed out recently due to the upcoming comeback"

" I am dead tired inside and you.... " His voice is hoarse from all the crying..

" If you're happier with him, then I guess.."

"Jeongin...if that's what you think of me...I don't think..." You trailed off

" I should leave, I don't think I can do this anymore"

You watched him leave, closing the door behind him, a little too harshly.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

The sound of the oven beeping, made you snap out of your thoughts. You looked around, and lazily got up from your couch to the kitchen.

Taking out the reheated pizza and putting it on a plate, you aimlessly scrolled through channels until you found one, a boring sitcom. You looked at the screen mindlessly and munched on your pizza.

You were half an hour into the plot when a notification popped up on your phone screen.

Picking it up you checked, it was an event reminder...

Reminder: INNIE'S Birthday 🎂 8th Feb

You threw your phone to the other end of the couch in frustration. You buried your head in your hands as fresh tears streamed down your face.

Oh how excited you were, to plan his first birthday. It was also your first anniversary with him. As this was the day, 8 Feb, one year ago, that you met him, in a cafe....

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

You two hit it off immediately, talking till hours until the cafe owners kicked you out. After a few weeks of dating, he asked you out officially to be his girlfriend.

You finally thought you found the one, he's the most amazing human being and the sweetest boyfriend.

Sure, it hasn't always been pink skies and rosy days, you have had your differences. He was away most of the time. But you understood...

You understood how difficult it is the manage the idol life as it is, let alone having a hidden relationship at that.

Because the moments you two shared together, melted all your loneliness and worries away. But now everything has changed.

The once familiar face of your smiley boy now gave an unfamiliar, immense pain in your chest.

What have you even done wrong, anyways ? You were planning a surprise party for him.

You wanted everything to be perfect. So you were taking tips from Heesung on which dishes he misses the most from his hometown.

Not that you don't know. But you wanted to make sure its to his liking. And also you wanted to invite Heesung to Jeongin's birthday.

It was going to be a surprise one, so you wanted Heesung to distract him anyhow, from going to your home that day.

At Least until 5:30 as you'll have everything ready by that time.... But he thought you...were...cheating on him. Oh how could he even think of that ?

" Don't lie to me yn, I know you've been crushing on my best friend, Heesung, since a long time."

" You know what leave me actually" "It'll do us both something good "

" Crushing on Heesung ?" "Since when did he think that I am crushing on his best friend ?"

You muttered to yourself.

Heesung is nothing but like an older brother to you and an amazing friend. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Another notification popped up on your phone. You got up again from your seat, to pick up your phone that you threw away at the other end of the couch. It was a text from Chan.

You read the messages but decided to not reply to them. It's been 4 days since the fight. And your pride will always get in the way to even bother to message him. After all it wasn't your fault he assumed such shitty things about you.

Still, your heart was not made of steel. There was still a soft spot behind it that was missing him, your boyfriend. So reluctantly, you picked up the phone again and replied to the message.

Grabbing your coat from the hanger, you stepped out of the house around 7:45. The breeze outside chilled you to the bones.

So you tucked your hands inside your coat pockets. You missed the warmth of your boyfriend's hands.... Sighing, you put your head down and walked through the path to the cafe....

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

A familiar scent of freshly ground coffee beans greeted you as you opened the door of the cafe.

Chan was already waiting at the corner table and waved at you when he saw you walking through the door.

"You're here!"

"Sorry to make you wait." you smiled at him.

"I've already ordered your usuals, they should be here soon" He nervously smiled.

"Thank you Channie '' You replied, shifting your gaze suddenly to look at a couple on the right of your table.

Reading your expressions, Chan cleared his throat and spoke " So, umm, about Jeongin.."

" Right, how's he ? " You nervously replied as you fidgeted with your hands.

"Not good, '' Chan replied.

" He still doesn't talk to us or reply to our messages, let alone come out of the room"

You sighed, taking a sip from your cup of coffee

"We had an argument"

" Four days ago... " you replied to Chan, who nodded in understanding.

"He thought I was cheating on him..."

"What ?" " How could that boy even think of that..." He huffed in annoyance.

"I was planning his birthday party with Heesung"

" So I met him at another cafe a few times and discussed the surprise plan"

" Apparently he followed me one day and saw that I was laughing and talking with Heesung"

" And that idiot assumed the worst ?" He sighed and touched his temples.

"Seriously, I really have to talk some sense into him..."

" There's no point anyways..." You took a deep breath to calm yourself.

" He has changed..."

"No he's not,"

" I know him since long enough, so I know he's not changed..."

And Chan indeed knew him long enough to know that he's sulking, regretting all his life decisions...

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

Jeongin was tossing and turning in bed. Not a blink of sleep in his eyes. He felt frustrated, angry even.

How the heck can he even accuse his girlfriend of such a thing. She has been nothing but a wonderful girlfriend to him all year.

She was his sunshine and he was her smiley boy. How could he even think that Heesung and you were cheating behind his back ?

He muffled his screams into the pillow as tears streamed down his face.

He confronted Heesung that same day... Heesung was shocked, explaining to his friend, they had been meeting for a surprise party planned for him.

He was too ashamed to go back to your house now. Too ashamed to tell the members that he fucked up.

So he found his escape behind the closed doors of his dorm room. And that's where he's been camping, since the past three days....

He regrets everyday the things he told you that day. He was really stressed since the past weeks for the upcoming comeback.

He was so exhausted to the point of slacking in practices. The routine was killing him mentally and physically.

He was depressed, maybe...he thought. However, that didn't give him the right to lash out at you.

But when he saw your texts last week with Heesung with the code word - " Don't Tell Jeongin 🤫''

He was hurt, shocked even. Something in his mind told him to follow you and so he did... He watched you get all giggly with Heesung.

"Why do these two look so good together? ''

He angrily muttered to himself. He couldn't take it anymore. He left the scene, heartbroken…

Since that day he's just sleeping and practising everyday. He didn't even want to eat but when the members called for him collectively, he just sighed and came downstairs and ate.

When he finally got an off day to came home, he immediately packed his stuff and left for your house.

Seeing you coax him for a therapist snapped something in him as the next thing you know, he was spitting fire at you with his harsh words.

Oh how he thought you were cheating and even thinking of breaking up with you.

He left the scene before you can tell him what happened....

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

" How about you two talk it out with each other, tomorrow before midnight strikes ?" Chan asked.

" What do you mean ?" You curiously replied.

" I mean I'll slap that idiot out of bed and talk some sense into him"

" Then you two can meet at a designated place, and can talk it out wholeheartedly ?"

He let out a nervous chuckle, unsure of what you'll reply.

" That's not a bad idea, actually, but the pain is still there Channie, '' You sheepishly smiled at him.

" I don't think I can handle another argument, if it comes to that..." You buried your face in your hands.

" I thought he was the love of my life, but now...I don't know anymore... "

" Hey, hey, its ok YN if you don't wanna do this '' Chan reassured you.

'' But remember it's 27 hours to strike midnight 8 Feb."

" And I don't want to get your first birthday as well as your first anniversary with him to get ruined."

" But if you don't want to do anything I'll understand and make him understand too "

" Because at the end, it's up to you to, as you're not the one in the fault.."

You sat back and pondered a little over your thoughts. Talking out your differences is actually a very great idea, as you two can decide whether or not it's good to stay together again.

But the hiccups of something bad happening plagued your mind again and you massage your temples in frustration

" You know what Channie ?"

" Mhm ?" Chan replied.

" I'll let you know by tomorrow morning ?"

" That sounds good " Chan beamed as he packed his stuff from the table.

" Leaving already ?" You asked.

" Yes I have to prepare something for tomorrow.."

" What do you mean ?" You asked in confusion.

'' You'll know if you say yes " He smiled as you two waved each other goodbyes....

Hurriedly, you stepped foot into the house. The bitter cold biting your bones and everything underneath.

You immediately turned on the heater and removed your coat. You sat back on your couch and took a deep breath.

" Is it really worth to talk about it ?" You muttered to yourself.

" He was the best I had, but after what happened 4 days ago..."

" I don't know....uggggh!!"

You cried out in frustration wondering if you can face him again.

" But like Channie said, it doesn't hurt to get closure..." You thought.

" We can talk out our differences and if he still stays the same..."

" I will..." " Leave him" You shivered at the thought.

Thinking of the worst, yet still determined to get closure, you picked up your phone and messaged Chan.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

" Hyung it's 6 in the morning, let me fucking sleep! Stop knocking please!!!" Jeongin screamed as he heard continuous knocks and kicks at his door.

" Not until you come out!" Chan screamed.

" I'll keep kicking the door Jeongin!! ''

Chan never called his sweet maknae by his name. It was always Innie or something sweet. So when Jeongin heard his name, he knew it was serious.

"Fine! If you don't open the door, you might lose your only chance to see yn again.." Chan screamed.

Hearing those words, something stirred in him and he hurriedly opened the door....Chan was shocked to see his condition. His hair was dishevelled, there were bags under his eyes as if he hadn't slept for days...he looked so weak, so tired.

" Oh My God..." Chan gasped as if he just saw a ghost. " Innie...I..my god"

" I know I look like shit Hyung '' Jeongin huffed.

Tears suddenly started brimming his eyes, as he looked down at the floor.

" I fucked up hyung " "I..I...lost yn, my love..." He cried.

" Hey it might not be so late, she still hasn't left Seoul yet..."

" Her flight to go back to her hometown, tonight is at 9:30 pm"

" We still have a lot of time to make it up to her" Chan reassured Jeongin.

" Hyung, I don't think...she will take me back" Jeongin spoke in between his sobs.

"Tell me Innie, do you love her ?" Chan asked calmly.

" More than I love myself"

" She means the world to me, she's the sweetest and kindest human being and I am so so lucky to have her" Jeongin wiped his tears as he spoke.

" Then why don't you show her ?"

" Show what ?" He asked curiously.

" That how much you love her, how much she means to you and what you will do to never break her heart again"

A light bulb sparked in his head as Chan spoke to him about the plan... He nodded and agreed to everything.

" Let's get you a makeover first and some fresh clothes"

Chan spoke as he covered his nose playfully

" You kinda smell ngl"

" Shut up!" Jeongin punched Him playfully in the stomach as Chan laughed.

" So the plan's set, lets call it, 23 Reasons, Why I Love You "

"You're so cheesy Hyung " Jeongin rolled his eyes.

" Hey someone has to be the romantic one here " Chan chuckled.

" You're right, Let's do this!"

Jeongin smiled with a newfound determination in his eyes as they both stepped out of his room to the living room.

" What, Jeongin did what ?! " Minho glared at Jeongin as he heard what happened from Chan.

" Yes my boy, you seriously fucked up " Hyunjin spoke soon after.

" I know that Hyune " Jeongin rolled his eyes.

" We came here to ask for your help not to listen to the obvious "

" What's with the attitude ?" Minho asked him in annoyance.

" Sorry, I am just so nervous, I don't want anything wrong to happen. Please hyung.... "

He pleaded to Minho, with his big doe eyes.

" Ugghh fine, Innie" Minho sighed,

" Just don't ever do this to them again "

" I promise it will never happen again."

" I will turn a new leaf "

" Then I'll bring the dishes by 5 then while its still hot."

" And I'll find some time in between the breaks to paint something before 5" Hyunjin spoke after minho.

" Right, practice..." He sighed,

" I missed out on so much for 4 days "

" Don't stress, we've convinced our manager for two more days off for you so that you can be with ynnie tomorrow and the day after..." Minho smiled reassuring him.

" Really ?" " You're a lifesaver hyung "

" Just don't think this will happen everyday " Minho snickered,

" My favours are only valid for limited hours of time"

" Understood!"

" Now go get some facials or something, you look horrible"

Jeongin gasped at Hyunjin's words.

" Ughh rude Hyune "

" What ? I spoke the truth " Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

" Fine I'm going with Channie hyung"

" Please keep the things ready before I return, I request"

" Don't worry, we got you bro! " Han replied as he arrived.

Jeongin whispered a thank you to everyone before leaving with Chan...

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

Meanwhile, you were throwing away every cloth you can find in your closet.

" Uggh, I look ugly in this " You cried.

" Nooo, this makes me feel bloated "

You were frustrated. You were trying on dresses for an hour but nothing seems to fit you.

" I don't have time for shopping " You cried to the thin air in frustration.. Just then, right on cue you heard a knock on the door. Cautiously you opened the door...

" Delivery for YN/LN ?"

" Yes that's me " you replied.

" But I didn't order anything ?..." You asked confused.

" Mr. Jeongin told me to deliver this to you "

" Ahhh, I see " You now understood what this is for. You thanked the delivery man and took your parcel back to your room.

Eagerly, you opened it and gasped.... It was a beautiful blue and white themed outfit, curated for you.

There was a beautiful blue knitted dress, a white coat, white boots and a cute blue bag. There was also a note attached to it.

'' Please let me make it up to you, one last time "

" Meet me at 5:30 there... J "

You smiled when you read his initials.

You gasped when you realised you're blushing.

" Ugh, YN'' You slapped your cheek. " Get it together, it's just a talk with him, not a date..." You sighed and stared at the box of clothes, contemplating if you should wear it..

" Fine, I'll wear it, I guess. '' You quickly wore your outfit on and did your makeup. You heard the alarm suddenly indicating its 5 now.

" Shit, I should leave now, or I'll be late"

Your uber arrived minutes after, and you reached the hotel. You took a deep breath as you stepped inside the vast doors of it.

" Hi, I am a guest of Mr. Jeongin ? Room no 23, I suppose"

You nervously spoke to the lady, at the front desk. She checked your name and your ids. After checking everything, she smiled and director you to the elevator.

Thanking her, you entered the elevator and pressed the buttons. It was on the 7th floor. As every floor passed by you, your heart beat increased. The dread of something worse happening hurts your chest so bad. You cursed yourself for overthinking so much.

The doors opened and you were greeted by a long corridor. You stepped out and walked to the end of the passage. There it was Room No. 23. You took a deep breath and opened the door....

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

It was pitch black inside, as you turned the knob and entered

" Jeongin ?" You called out to the thin air, but to no answered.

" What the hell! Am I in the wrong room ?" You muttered to yourself... Confused and somewhat scared of the dark you decided to leave when the door suddenly shut in front of you, covering you in pitch black darkness.

You panicked and tried to bang on the door when a text popped up

Innie💕 : Look behind

Still half confused, you turned around and gasped....

There was a beautiful trail laden with candles and pink roses that led to the bedroom...

You were surprised yet curious. So you followed the path...

Every step on the floor had something written -:

🌹You're the most beautiful woman in the world🌹

🌹The kindest and sweetest🌹

🌹So lucky to have you🌹

🌹So proud of your accomplishments🌹

🌹You're my best friend🌹

🌹I am so sorry🌹

And then the last one,

🌹Please give me another chance🌹

You took the last step and reached the bedroom and looked up and gasped again....

It was beautifully decorated with balloons and floral wreaths everywhere. There was a heart made with roses in the middle of the bed There was also something written in the middle of the heart, with flowers and twigs -

" I love you to the moon and back" You giggled seeing it.

"Innie ?"

You called out, but there was no one... You looked around, there was a beautiful bouquet of flowers on your left..

." Lilac and pink roses" your favourite, you thought. There was also a tray of your favourite food laid out, closed off with a transparent lid so that it stays warm.

"Mandu, Katsu rice and Jjajangmyeon ?" You giggled. There was a gorgeous painting of you on your right.

" Oh wow, thats me " you gasped.

You thought of how this was all Jeongin's plan to make it up to you. But the man of the hour was to be seen nowhere... You searched for him in the bathroom, the balcony and back to the living room. He was nowhere to be seen. You were lost in your thoughts, when suddenly you heard something....

**I never meant to break your heart, my love**

**But I stumbled down the road, just like a fool

does**

**I let my ego lead the way, oh, how it blinds**

**Now I'm left here searching for the words to

make it right...**

There he was, standing behind you, wearing a white shirt and blue trousers. His hair was brushed out nicely.

"He looked so handsome," you thought.

He played the guitar as he sang again.

**Heartfelt apologies, can't you see?**

**I'm drowning in regrets, oh, set me free**

**Let me show you, darling, let me prove**

**That my love for you is strong, and oh, so true*

You giggled and clapped as he finished his song with a bow.

" What's all this ?" You asked.

He didn't say anything, instead he held your hand and walked you from the bedroom to the bed. Confused, you tagged along... He motioned to sit on the bed as he sat himself. He then finally spoke...

" YN, I am truly so sorry for what I have done..."

" Will you please give me another chance ? I beg you "

" Jeongin, I understand that you're sorry but the words you told me that day hurt me so badly and honestly...I don't anymore"

You sniffled a little as you looked at him..

" YN, I am so sorry..."

" I don't know what came over me that day. '' He looked down as tears clouded his vision.

" The stress of the comeback burnt me out so much everyday..."

" The stress was too much to bear "

" You could've at least told me that you're suffering so much " you replied.

" Last week, when I was home and saw you giggling on the phone... I couldn't help but be curious, so as you left to shower, I went through your phone and saw the messages.."

" There it was, messages exchanged between you and Heesung, to meet that evening"

" And a - Don't tell Jeongin! at the end "

" When you told me, you're going shopping, my heart broke..."

" You were lying to me, I thought " " So I followed you and saw you there, at the cafe"

" Giggling and blushing with Heesung, my friend"

" My heart to shattered to pieces..."

" Everything I had, I was losing it..."

" I lost myself, I was lacking at work and now you..." He broke down in tears.

" Innie, I had no idea this is how you felt, I'm so sorry. "

" No, I'm the one at fault"

" I was so clouded in my head, overthinking everything and I assumed the worst..."

" I started slacking at work after that, didn't eat, didn't sleep much"

" The members were disappointed in me " And then when you told me to go see a therapist..." He spoke in between sobs...

" I don't know why, Something broke in me.." "

I thought I am a failure and everyone wanted to get rid of me..." you squeezed his hand to reassure him...

" Innie, these meetings were just for planning your surprise birthday party"

" I couldn't hold it any longer that day." " I snapped at you, telling you we should break up..." He buried his face in his hands.

" Innie please don't cry, its not your fault...I shouldn't have lied to you, I am really sorry " You replied.

" When I called Heesung that day " He continued, after wiping his tears.

" I realised I fucked up so bad"

" It was all planning for my birthday"

" I felt so ashamed of myself. I thought you will never want to see my face." You wiped his tears with your hands.

" So I hid in my dorm room and didn't get out untill today...."

" I am truly so sorry ynnie, I hope you can forgive me one day.."

"Innie " You held his hand.

" I am so sorry I have made you feel like that " He looked back at you,

" Before you leave for your flight, let me make it up to you, one last time ? "

" My flight ? " you asked confused.

" Yeah it's at 9:30 right ? Channie hyung told me"

" But I don't have any flight, I'm not going anywhere... "

" But Channie hyung...Oh "

He realised it was all a plan by his Channie hyung to get him out. He looked at you with hopeful eyes.

" So you're not going anywhere ? " he asked.

" No " you replied.

Suddenly, he hugged you tightly. You were surprised by this but melted in his arms as he held you tight. You missed this. He smelled of the familiar cologne you loved so much. It felt like bliss, like old times....You two pulled away after sometime.

" If you're not going then let me show you, How much I love you"

" Let me show you 23 Reasons why I love you "

" Why 23 " you chuckled.

He cupped your face in his hands.

" 23 is a very significant number in our relationship."

" 5:23 was the time we met on the 8th of Feb an year ago."

" It was on the 23th of March that I asked you out to be my girlfriend. We've been together since 321 days, 2 hours and 23 minutes"

" Oh my gosh, you remembered ?" You smiled.

" That's not all, I promise you that I'll be the best version of myself "

" You make me complete yn and I wouldn't have it any other way "

" You're the most kindest and beautiful person in this whole world... " "I am so so lucky to have you "

Tears streamed down your face as you smiled at him. He's very sincere this time, you thought. Suddenly he went down on one knee

" Will you, my sunshine, make your smiley boy happy again for forever and ever "

You put your hands on your mouth and gasped

" Oh My God are you proposing ?"

" No its a promise ring actually "

" It's a promise from me to you that I'll be the man, you wished to be with "

" I'll go to therapy, I'll work on myself and be the best version of the person, you fell in love with "

" Innie, what if we fight again ?" You asked, cursing yourself inside for overthinking again.

" I promise to you that I will never raise your voice at you "

" I'll be there for you as much as I can "

" Even if I have to fight with my managers, I will"

" I'll leave the company if it comes to that "

You squeezed his hand.

" Innie, I trust you, just promise that you'll share everything with me, however good and bad, instead of suffering by yourself "

" I promise "

" Then I'll gladly accept this ring, my smiley boy " He eagerly put the ring through your left ring finger, it was a gorgeous diamond princess solitaire ring. It was simple yet so beautiful. You widely smiled as you looked at it, glistening in your finger.

Grabbing him by his neck you kissed him. He melted as your lips touched his, he deepened the kiss as if you two were longing for this. Both of you giggled as you pulled away slowly, breathless.

" Woo-hoo " There was a pop and clap sound as you looked at the living room. All the skz boys were standing there smiling as you two pulled away.

You were a little embarrassed thinking of how long were they watching you two.

" Congratulations you guys, so happy for you " Chan beamed.

" I knew it, he can do it! " Minho exclaimed

" Did she like the painting and the song lyrics ? I wrote them!" Hyunjin spoke from behind.

" I bet she did!" Han high fived Hyunjin As he spoke.

" Seungmin, are you crying ?" Felix asked him, shocked " Shut up, I am just happy for these two " Seungmin replied. " Yes, very happy " Changbin wiped a tear in his eyes ith his thumb.

Both of you smiled as you looked at the scene. He held your hand as both of you walked to the boys, who were smiling and cheering for you.

A new beginning has started for you. With his hand in your hand, a new promise has begun to keep the relationship going.

No matter what comes, you two are in it together, forever and ever!

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

A/N: This is the end! Thank you for sticking by for so long. I had so much fun making this, I hope you like it too ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

Make Sure to like, reblog and comment!

Taglist: @atinyniki @minholing @cheesemonky @bunnystruggles @michelle4eve @writingforstraykids @skzoologist

@iknowyouknowminho @krisstheidiot @hyunjinhoexxx @livelovelaughmiko

@teenageshepherdpeachfan @gho-ster @b1nn1e-1s-cut3

@seungseung-minmin @ezlynkisses

@elmoslungcancer @cuddlylonelyperson

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the list! (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

[moonyeyedstar]

Remus Lupin x Reader First Time Smut Oneshot

*18+*

I do another quick look in the mirror before heading down to the common room. The party had already started a little bit ago but I took forever picking out the right outfit. I find my way to grab a hard cider and shuffle around all the already sweaty moving bodies to find my friends. I slip right in and listen in on their conversation.

"Look Moony all we're saying is find someone and hook up, you're the last one, we've all done it, even Pete managed to do it before you!" Sirius laugh and the others join in. I watch as Remus rolls his eyes in annoyance.

"I don't care about that as much as you idiots do," Remus defends, but I could tell he didn't mean it as much as he pretended to.

"Oh leave him alone," I chuckle and butt in. I do my best to laugh it off but I also haven't lost my virginity yet but I can't let the guys find out because they'll never let me live it down. I've told them I've hooked up with this guy on holiday to cover for myself. I just hope they don't catch my lie.

"Well, why don't you sleep with him y/n, since you have soooo much experience," Sirius says wiggling his eyebrows. I feel my cheeks flush but laugh a bit and look at my feet.

"Shut up Sirius, I don't need your help getting laid, why don't you worry about yourself," Remus groans annoyed with how they are still stuck on this topic.

"Don't worry about me mate, I've got my eye on Mary, think we're gonna go all night long," Sirius says cockily. I roll my eyes at them.

"God Sirius you're such a dog," Remus scoffs annoyed, and walks off from the group. I feel bad and watch him walk off and go get another drink.

"That's not nice Sirius, you shouldn't push him so hard," James says because he feels a bit bad but they were all just joking, Sirius just takes it too far. I walk off to go to Remus and put my hand on his shoulder, "Hey Remus, are you alright?"

"Peachy," Remus mutters sarcastically.

"You know, only if you'd want to of course I wouldn't be opposed to...," I blush starting to bring it up.

"It's alright I don't need pity sex from you," Remus says turning away to walk away, thinking I came to tease him and hook up with him as some weird plan from the other guys.

"No, Remus," I say and grab his arm to stop him so he turns around. "You see, uh, I'm a /virgin/ too," I say quietly.

"No, you're not, you told us you did it with that bloke over holiday."

"I lied Remus, I was embarrassed because everyone else already had," I sigh.

"Oh..." Remus relaxes and puts his drink down, "Do you really want to?"

I blush harder nodding, "This way we can both get it over with, but only if it won't make things weird between us."

"And you're completely sure you want to?" Remus asks in a lower voice so no one can hear our conversation even though most of the people are already drunk. I nod and watch Remus's face as he thinks, "We can go to my dorm, the guys are all down here and I'm sure they won't be up for hours." I nod and feel a bit nervous but follow him up the stairs to his dorm. I go and sit at the edge of his bed as I watch him close and lock the door behind us. I sit nervously shuffling my hands around in my lap and watch him walk over and sit next to me. "Is it okay if I kiss you, or do you want to start it," he asks nervously.

"Don't be so nervous Remus, I've never seen you so nervous. You can kiss me," I blush. I feel Remus scoot a bit closer and take a deep breath to calm his nerves before he cups his face and pull me into slow, gentle kiss. I push my body in a bit closer trying to close off some more space between us and kiss back with a bit more pressure than he has to let me know its okay. I feel as his body softens, relaxing into the kiss and he lets his tongue lightly graze over my bottom lip. A soft whimper escapes my lips and open my mouth, allowing us to deepen the kiss and let our tongues collide. I let my hands come out of my lap and scoot my body even closer and rest my hands in his lap for balance, if I moved any closer I would have to readjust my body to straddle him. Remus lets out a soft low groan, turning me on. I feel my cheeks grow red as a wet warm spot grows between my legs. My need for friction or pressure is slowly becoming more and more and I want to move myself into his lap. I break the kiss and let my forehead rest against his and let my lips graze his as I speak,

"Can I straddle you Remus?" I ask softly.

"Of course," Remus says quietly but his voice sounds course, like he's been trying to hold back groans. I carefully get on top of him and straddle him. I slowly rest all my weight onto him but keep my hips hovered just a bit worried about putting all my weight on him. This was solved quickly as Remus lets his hands grip my waist and pushes me onto him and brings his lips back to mine kissing me passionately like we never stopped. I whimper softly into the kiss and slowly roll my hips to grind on him. I move myself on him slowly at first, worrying I am doing it wrong but pick up my pace and grind on him shamelessly as I hear all the low growls leave his throat. "Oh y/n" he groans gripping my hips to a halt, "stop before I cum" he says breathlessly. I blush and nod and watch as he slides his hands under my ass and flips us, moving us to the center of the bed. I look up at him blushing and his cheeks have a tinge of pink too and his lips are red and swollen but that doesn't stop him from leaning down and kissing me again, this time with tongue straight away. We let our hands wander each other's bodies and keep kissing each other, our kisses growing hungrier and hungrier.

"Please touch me, Remus," I whimper needy into the kiss. I arch my body to meet his hand as it slides down my torso and to my thigh. He slides his hand up my inner thigh into my skirt and pushes my soaking wet panties to the side and slips two fingers in. My breath hitches and I whimper softly at the feeling.

"Is this okay?" Remus asks me breaking the kiss and whispering in my ear. "Y-yes," I stutter and nod and throw my head back a bit as he starts to pump his fingers and curling them, hitting my g-spot. "Oh Remus," I moan softly and buck my hips into his hand and he starts pumping his fingers faster and brings his kisses to my jaw and down my neck, leaving soft, small bites on the way to my collarbones. I bite my lip to hold back moans and feel myself getting close with every curl if his fingers that hits my G-spot. "F-fuck Remus, stop I'm c-close," I moan out softly because I am a bit embarrassed to say it out loud. Remus stops instantly and takes his finger out and sucks them clean. I turn bright red watching him in disbelief.

"You taste so sweet, y/n," Remus says in a whisper into my ear. My whole body shudders when his hot breath hits my skin.

"Oh Remus," I whimper, "fuck me." I feel a small smirk grow on his face against my skin and watch as he gets up and goes to Sirius's bedside table and steals a condom. I watch as he undresses himself with shaky hands and rolls on the condom and get a bit nervous because I don't know what it will feel like and hope it won't hurt. In the meantime, I slip off my skirt and soaked panties and slowly slip off my sweater and undo my bra and lay back down covering myself slightly.

Remus gets back on top and I watch as his eyes wander my body, "oh y/n, you're so perfect," he says with a slight blush on his face. I look up at him with big eyes and blush at his compliment. I watch Remus as he slowly lines up, "Tell me when you're ready okay?". I nod, "I'm ready just go slow," I say and watch as he nods and slowly slides his tip in. I whimper as I feel myself stretching around his tip and it burns but it hurts in a good way. "Keep going," I whimper and moan softly as Remus slowly fills me with his length but doesn't thrust yet letting me adjust myself to his size. After a couple of moments shifting myself to fit him better Remus starts to move slowly. Low groans and grunts slip from his lips and I whimper and moan loving the feeling but it hurts at the same time. The stretching feeling slowly begins to stop and now all I feel is pleasure and let soft gentle moans fall from my lips. "Oh Remus, you're so big," I moan.

"You feel so good y/n," Remus groans and slides a hand down to rub my clit in circles sending me over the edge.

"Oh fuck Remus," I moan and cum hard on his cock. I ride my orgasm out as Remus grips my hips and goes harder as his head falls back showing off his Adam's apple and curses slip his tongue and his lower half shakes as he cums. After a couple of sloppy thrusts, as he rides out his climax, he plops next to me and we both lay down side by side panting.

"Did you like that?" Remus asks nervously breaking the silence. I blush and roll to face him and nod. "Me too," Remus blushes. I peck his lips and get up after a bit and get dressed.

"Maybe we can do that again," I say blushing, and fix myself up.

"Definitely," Remus says getting dressed, and gives me a quick peck before we go back downstairs to the party.

[puzzlebean]

Another request, a Lestappen fic where Max takes care of Charles after he gets injured.

Hiiii thank you so much for requesting this! I had so much fun writing it! 💗

Here it is:

It was stupid. So stupid that Charles can barely believe it happened. He just spun off and hit the wall during free practice. No one was near him and there were no issues with the car, Charles was apparently just really stupid and forgot how to drive and now his hands are broken and he might have a little concussion. His ego is the most bruised, though, and he's sulking about it. He doesn't get to drive anymore this weekend, or likely the next few, and the entire world just watched him being stupid. 

"Oh my god, Charles," Max says as he storms into Charles's hotel room and sits down next to him. "I came as soon as they let me go." 

Max is Charles's sometimes rival, sometimes friend and maybe boyfriend. Max also watched Charles being stupid. It's the worst. And yes Charles knows he's being a little dramatic but he feels like he has a right to in this situation. 

"Are you okay?" Max asks and then immediately stops, frowning a little. "No that was silly. You are, of course, not." 

"I think I will survive," Charles says, dramatically. 

"Oh Charles," Max says. "I will take care of you, of course. As much as I can. I think Christian will be a little upset if I don’t race." 

Charles points out that Christian will be more than a little upset if Max fails to race because he's looking after a competitor but inside he feels warm and fuzzy. Max wants to be with him, Max wants to look after him. 

Max gently kisses Charles cheek. Then he pats his thighs and stands up. "I'm going to order us food. And then I'm going to do whatever you need." 

Charles smiles as he listens to Max order too much food. Having him here helps already, even though Charles still feels like an idiot. 

Once Max has ordered the food, he fluffs up Charles's pillow and gets him to lay down. 

"Do you need any painkillers, sweetheart?" Max asks. 

Charles nods. The last dosage had been in the hospital. That was probably a while ago. 

"Where are they?" Max asks. 

"Andrea put them on the desk. Easy access he said," Charles replies. 

"Good," Max says. 

He walks to the bathroom, grabs a glass of water and then grabs the painkillers. He reads the box carefully and then pops out two pills. He hands the pills to Charles who pops them into his mouth and then hands him the water. Charles makes a face. 

"What's wrong?" Max asks, immediately worried. 

Charles pouts. "The pills taste gross." 

"I'm sorry," Max says. He presses a kiss against Charles's forehead. "You are being so brave." 

And the thing is, Charles knows that's not true. He's being silly and dramatic and wallowing in self-pity. That doesn't mean it's not good to hear, though. Especially from Max's lips. 

"Do you want to sleep before the food arrives?" Max asks. 

Charles shakes his head. "I just want to lie next to you and feel sorry for myself."

"Then that's what we will do," Max says easily. 

He gets on the bed, carefully so he doesn't bump against Charles. He lies down on Charles's good side so they can hold hands. 

"Do you want to talk about what happened?" Max asks. 

"I was just stupid," Charles says, "so no." 

"I don't think you are stupid," Max says, "just unlucky. But, of course, if you do not want to talk about this we won't. I can talk about Jimmy and Sassy." 

"Please," Charles says. 

So Max gets into a passionate story about his cats and their antics and Charles is so fond of him. This man. God. To think they used to drive each other crazy, that they used to drive each other off the track and assumed they would always dislike each other. It's so different now. Now Max is the one person Charles always wants to be with. The person he loves, even though they haven't told each other that yet. 

When the food arrives Max helps Charles eat like it's no big deal. It makes the whole ordeal less awkward and embarrassing. It's like Max just knows exactly what Charles needs. 

"Thank you for this," Charles says. 

Max looks at him like he's being silly. "You are my boyfriend," he says. "Of course I take care of you." 

So not a maybe boyfriend, then. His actual boyfriend. Something good came out of this stupid crash after all. 

"I love you," Charles says. 

Max's face lights up. "I love you, too." 

He kisses Charles's lips. Charles is so lucky. He can't believe he gets to call this incredible man his. 

[dirtylemonjoy]

Such a pretty boy~ Female Reader x Sanji

Note: I just wanted to do a little something for all my Sanji hoes out there (myself included) and too I haven't written anything in a LONG ASS TIME, Basically you're the dom and he's a sub ;) DNI IF YOU'RE UNDER 18 PLZ (also not my gif)

Warning; Pure SMUT, no condom (plz wrap it up folks), P in V, begging Sanji, fem dom, slight degrading, teasing our sweet boy.

....................................

Oh god, there's that sound, the sound I would never get tired of hearing, him whimpering and that face, such a pretty one too especially the way it looks now. His cheeks are all flushed, he's biting his lips and there's a bit of drool coming from the corner of his mouth, and his pretty eyes are trying their damn hardest to focus on me but, I'm grinding on his cock with my cilt he's looking so pretty but yet so weak under my touch.

"Oh baby, don't hold back those moans you know I love hearing it." indeed I do, so much that I started to grind on his cock faster watching his body twitch and squirm under me, and sure enough, that is what broke him. He started moaning my name, whimpering to me about how badly he wanted to be inside me, "P- Please let me in, I-I need you so badly darling.'' he choked, "Please just take m-me, use me, do what you want but p-please let me inside your sweet pussy love please!" He groans out loud.

I couldn't help it, he looked so pretty begging me to let him inside me, his cute brows arched together, his hips were already humping against me and his hands were sliding their way up my thighs, I lean down to him right next to his ear, "Aw does my sweet baby boy wants his cock inside this sweet pussy huh?" I whispered in his ear, I lifted my hips up a bit hovering over his hard and angry cock right at my wet and throbbing entrance.

Not going to lie hearing him moan, whimper, and groan made me all flush too and it wasn't even better visually seeing it, he just looked so damn soft, weak, and pitiful under me. Damn got me all worked up, "Dose my pretty boy want me to ride him out until he's empty out? Yeah?" All he could do was groan and try to move his hip up to mine, desperate to try to get inside me, I pushed his hips down "Ah ah ah no, words baby, got to use your words." I kissed and softly licked his neck hearing him whine out "Y-Yes ahh, please ride me, I-I need you so b-bad dear ahh!"

And right before he could say anything else I slowly lowered my hips onto his cock, feeling my pussy stretching out around his hard cock and it seemed like he couldn't take it. He was a moaning mess, his eyes were rolling back, his back was slightly arching off the bed his hands were tightly gripping the sheets, and streams of cuss words were coming out from his mouth. I put my hands on his chest once I was fully inside him then I bent forward to him giving him a deep sultry kiss ingesting his whimpers and moans.

I bounced and moved my hips in different directions but stayed at a steady and constant pace, I broke the kiss and leaned back up, grabbing his hands and guiding them up slowly to my breast, I kept eye contact watching him become a messy melted puddle under me. He broke out of his little blissful world for a second to look at me with pure lust in his eyes, "P-Please more, go faster please, my love ohh~ fuck you're so good to me." He moans out while his head arched back.

I softly giggle, "Such a pretty boy, begging for me to give him more when you're already such a fucking mess." I softly grabbed his face and bent forward to kiss him again before I started going faster. His hands slid down my body and placed them on my hips to grab hard then to softly guide them into directions he wanted them to go, I allowed it 'cause he had been such a good boy this whole time, I broke the kiss again only to moan out loud right next to his ear, my movements got a little sloppy 'cause I felt a burn and tightness around my abdomen, "Oh fuck I'm cumming." I moaned and grunted out, "Fuck, please cum on top of me dear, please cum on top." he begged holding me tight.

My eyes were rolling back as I kept going I felt my abdomen getting tighter, I held on to his shoulders as I rocked my hips back and forth at a faster pace I felt his cock twitching inside my pussy, "Are you g-going to cum in me huh? is my sweet boy going to cum inside me?" I moaned out. He shooked his head and streamed out yes a bunch times, soon enough both of our movements went fast and got sloppy as we started to cum on each other, and after a while, we slowed down and then came to a stop.

I laid on top of him and he held me close and we drifted off to sleep...

..............................

GOD I MISS WRITING SO MUCH! lol

whelp that was it if you have any ideas on what you want me to write next just let me know ok :) and btw I finished this like at 4am in the morning.

[sirianasims]

I tried to stay positive, telling myself that it would get better. But as the months passed, things didn’t improve.

Samuel was understandably drained when he came back from the hospital after yet another 16 hour shift. Sometimes he didn’t even reheat the leftovers I’d saved for him, but just ate his dinner cold in the kitchen at 2 AM.

On nights like that he would just pass out on the couch instead of coming upstairs.

On the days he managed to make it to bed, it probably wasn’t much better. The girls would often get up during the night and it was easier to just let them sleep in our bed instead of wasting time making them go back to their own.

Not only were we exhausted, but we also kept running into another one of what Samuel simply referred to as my issues.

“Do you really have to, Samuel?”

“It’s just a glass of wine, Freya.”

“You say that, but why do you have to drink it?”

“Because I enjoy it. And this one pairs well with steak.”

“There are other enjoyable beverages in the world, why does it have to be alcohol?”

“It’s not like I drink it to get drunk, Freya! A single glass of wine every other week will hardly put me at any risk for alcoholism!”

“I just don’t see why it’s necessary…”

“It’s not, Freya, that’s the point. If it was necessary, I would have a problem. Can’t I have just one thing that I enjoy for no reason around here?”

I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to cling to him, keep him in my arms forever and set everything right, but instead I found myself pushing him further and further away.

Samuel was the logical one, the rational one, the one asking if we could please not do this in front of the girls.

I knew that I was pushing his buttons to get a reaction, to see his cool and collected façade finally crack, but it never did. Even when I felt myself dissolving into desperation and tears, he kept it up.

He would look at me like I was a patient and he was my physician, calmly explaining to me that I was hysterical and things would be fine if only I would trust him to help.

Always so professional when he put on the doctor face. I hated it.

He didn’t understand the problem. Having a bit of wine often made him flirty, and I just… couldn’t. I missed him terribly, needed his touch, but when he came to bed with the combination of toothpaste and alcohol on his breath, I wanted to throw up. Sex was definitely not happening.

The rejection always frustrated him, of course. I had tried to explain that I just didn’t like the smell of alcohol on his breath, that it made me not want to kiss him, but he accused me of overreacting as usual.

He seemed to suspect that I was withholding intimacy as some form of punishment and started preemptively sleeping on the couch after having a drink. As if he wasn’t allowed in our bed just because I wouldn’t kiss him.

Who is withholding intimacy now, Samuel?

Some days the thoughts would assault me the minute I heard the car leave the driveway in the mornings. He was going to leave me, I just knew it. Any day now. He said he loved me, but did he really? He felt so distant, closed off. I could never quite reach him.

Had he actually stopped loving me during those seven years after I first rejected him? Or had he maybe fallen out of love with me after we got married? As the days became filled with work and diapers, the nights too filled with crying babies to risk making any more?

Maybe he was just going along with it. Out of pity? Or for the kids?

I thought back to the women he had dated before me. Did he ever lie awake at night and wish he’d picked one of them instead? Maybe someone less neurotic. Less emotional.

Once more I found myself wondering if he would have chosen me, given a second choice. We said ‘I do’, we made a promise to each other – forever and always.

But if he could start over, knowing what would happen to us, would he still be my husband?

Or would he be happily married to someone else right now?

Someone who had their shit together.

Someone who wasn’t me.

It felt like I knew the answer.

beginning / previous / next

[unknown-writez]

Misfit Toys

Chapter Five: Creation of Minx- Part One

When I started to wake I felt soft and comfortably tranquil. A sea of big poofy blankets surrounded me as I laid on a mattress that probably cost more then everything I owned.  It was sweet serenity for a few moments. I was weightless as I tried to forget all of the events from yesterday but they came crashing down the moment reality hit and I heard an excited “wakey wakey sweetheart!”  I felt someone fall on the side of the bed next to me and Jerome leaned over smiling looking down at me in my blanket cocoon. I peeked through heavy eyelids back at him not wanting to move. “Leave me alone.” I groaned trying to pull the comforter over my head. “Can’t do that babydoll. I made a promise.” he said, chuckling as he pulled the comforter down. “Seriously stop.” I said not having fun. “I just want to lay here.” I finished pulling the blanket over my head, turning away from him. Feeling Jerome’s weight lift from the mattress I heard his footsteps against the marble floor ringing out as he made his way to the front end of the bed. “That’s no way to handle your issues.” he said and flipped the blankets to the side. Grabbing my ankles he pulled me to the end of the bed playfully in one swift motion finishing his statement with a joking “And that’s coming from the guy who killed his mom.” I gave him a little kick and he let his grip on me loosen my legs now dangling off the bed as I sat up I looked up at him standing over me. His bright bluish green eyes bore into mine mesmerizingly. My gaze was unable to leave his unlike everyone else who I brushed off uninterested. I don’t know what it was about him but looking at Jerome was comforting it was like I knew him for years. His eyes were an open book. I could see every flaming emotion or thought. He hid nothing from me and I didn’t have to mask myself or hide stuff from him. He knew everything already. “What would you have me do then?” I said a tad annoyed he had woken me up with this game. He brought a hand up to my face, gliding his thumb across my cheek lightly. The hot touch sent electricity down my spine as he said “I want you to take all that rage, betrayal, sadness, everything you're feeling and let It fuel you. Don’t be that boring compliant muted version of you. Become something more. Someone others have no choice but to respect. Be who they fear. Be who they won’t expect. I know you can do it.” he moved his fingers tucking my hair behind my ear. “I see the real you …and you are going to be spectacular.” he said pausing as he dropped his hand “But you need to follow the new rules. No doubting thoughts. The people we will liberate deserve what’s comin. I need you to follow orders unwaveringly. I need you to be charismatic, fearless, clever and …ruthless. I need you to be my red right hand. You’re the only one I can trust and I do trust you. What do you say?” He finished with a big smile, his eyes fiery with passion. For a second my eyes left his as I thought everything over but I didn’t have a lot of time soon as I did it his hand shot up again his finger and thumb now holding my chin as he brought my gaze back up at him. “You don’t want to disappoint me. Do you?” I shook my head no lightly. A small part of me fearfully didn’t want to lose him. Just the dreadful thought made me want to vomit but the rest of me was itching eagerly excited at the fact that I could prove myself and be me. That I could force everyone finally to see me to respect me and if they didn’t and they wanted to pity me and lie and scheme I could make them pay and I’m positive if I couldn’t  Jerome definitely would for me. Bringing up my hand I held onto his. “I will.” I said selling my soul with a growing smile confidently sure of myself. “You can trust me.” I finished “Good girl.” he responded looking me in the eyes, his tone deep and serious but also praising.

[iamjassmine]

It's been a while....

Ecclesiastes 3:1

"For everything there is a season and a TIME for every purpose under heaven"

It is clearly said in this passage that there is a right time for everything. May it be personal, in your profession, in your goals, in your family, and in your life. There is a perfect and precise time for everything. Some may take a day or two, a week, a month, but some take a year or a decade to happen. And when our patience is being tested, we start to think "Why good things always take time to come to me?" "Why it's taking time for me to experience my ultimate goal?" And that's when we start to compare our lives to others. We start to feel pity towards ourselves and throwing questions everywhere. And we start to feel jealousy, unaccomplished individual, sadness, hopelessness that you think "Maybe God doesn't hear my prayers" and that God has favoritism or something like that. Well, I've thought about that a lot once or twice, even thrice whenever I see some people are more successful than I am, happier than I am, more accomplished and fulfilled people. As I compare myself to them, I feel sorry for myself........for a moment..... But then I realize a lot of things I have that other people don't have. I have a healthy family, we still eat nice food or even in restaurants during payday, we still have shelter that protects us, we have beds to lie on to rest, we have people who love us, and we have God who's always there when no one else was. We are blessed more than we can imagine and I realize the things that made me feel jealous, sad, or hopeless, are quite superficial, unimportant 'cause these things are only temporary, it's just for a moment and yes a memory to remember. But then I think about the promises of God, great promises that He will supply all my needs according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4:19), “And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work” (2 Corinthians 9:8). God surely bless us with our NEEDS and most of the time we pray for our WANTS. God does not always give what we want for a reason. It might make you or break you. But in every decisions you are making in life, right or wrong, if you come back to Him, He will let You through it. Oh! And I thought about death too... As the bible says from Matthew 6:19-21, "Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal, but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." So if your heart is in this world, you are a property of this world, but if your heart is after Him, you are absolutely a property of His, a child of God.

That is how I overcome jealousy, I constantly remind myself that I am blessed more than I deserve. That I am in the right place and when He wants to move me, He will in His perfect time. That I have some things that other people are not fortunate to have. When times I feel like God is not hearing me, I will always ask myself if I am listening to Him in the first place. Honestly, most of the time I don't because I do not allow Him to control my life. I always thought I am one step ahead of His plans for me and that I am hurrying things up. But I still thank Him endlessly for being so patient with the stubborn me. He always reminds me on Isaiah 55:8-9 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts" And that gives me reassurance and confidence that I am protected, I am in the right place, and I will be there in His perfect season.

Thank You Lord.

"I believe you're only getting started"

[just-more-trolls]

dumb fantroll ask meme, odd numbers for wyllow

Ok so this is gonna be Long’un I’m gonna put everything under cut

1.  Biggest pet peeves? How much do they annoy you? Are they bad enough to be a deal breaker if someone you were interested did them?

“okay so..im a very patient person and i understand self-loathing..”

“but i have my limits..im not here for a pity-party please dont lament how much of a pathetic asshole you are expecting me to help you only to ignore any advice i give you and continue to lament your shitty life where nothing good happens ever ok???”

“...ok so that was..a rant...uhm...my pet peeve is when people don’t want to crawl out of the pit they’re in..or downright refuse to..mainly because they like the attention..”

3. What are your turn on’s turn off’s? 

“tha-..thats a little personal hello?????”

“i choose to not answer that!!”

5. What is your least favorite and favorite parts of your body? Any feature you pride yourself on? Then least favorite would you change it if you could? 

“my favorite parts? uhm..my horns i guess? and my hips”

“my least favorite are my eyes because i need glasses to see..id change that if i could i guess”

7. What is your least favorite food and why? 

“i cant stand bitter greens like baby spinach..or kale..its just not what my tastebuds like..”

“and venison makes me legitimately ill..like bad stomach ache levels of sick..”

9. What are any tics you might have? Any nervous habits? 

“under extreme amounts of stress ive been told i get the antlerbeast-in-headlights look complete with freezing..”

“im real bad about picking at the skin on my fingers especially if im real anxious..to the point of bleeding sometimes..but it keeps me from picking on the threads of my clothes until theyre unraveling..”

11. What is your earliest memory? Is it a happy or a sad one. 

“my EARLIEST memory is of finding my ancestors hive..and consequently also finding my ancestors journals on herbology and botany..and its a happy one because its what jumpstarted my own career in it~”

13. If you could have any super power what would it be? 

“i want to command plants!!”

15. What would you do with the ability to see ghosts? Would they scare you or would you be interested in them? 

“id ask them about their life..or help them move on if they dont realize theyre dead..id also keep journals of everything i was told; preservation of history and all that”

17. How good a liar are you? How often do you lie to others. 

“i cant lie for the life of me..like ill withhold the truth but straight up lie?? id die from the guilt.......or by the hands of whomstever i lied to”

19. How far would you go to be perfect? Are you ok with flaws? 

“perfection is an impossibility”

“...that being said uhm..that depends on the..flaw i think..and flaws are subjective..that being said if a flaw is actively harmful to the individual or anyone around them im not as okay..if that makes sense?”

21. How much do you sleep? What is your typical night time routine? 

“a full eight hours~! night time routine is typical: wash up, brush up, jammies on.. i have a cup of tea before bed and i read a little until im done”

23. How good are you with choices? Is it easy to make decisions or do you struggle with them? 

“i...suck at choices if im under pressure to make them.. decisions arent too hard but if there’s weight to them its definitely a lot harder on me..”

25. What is the worst thing you’ve done to someone? Do you regret it? 

“..........theres not a night goes by i dont regret it”

27. How good are you with computers? How much do you use them in every day life? 

“fairly often! i mean im no savant but i know my way around a palmhusk or a tablet”

29. If you knew you had less then a sweep left to live how would you use it? 

“probably by myself.. id quietly wrap up my assets..tend to my garden up until’ my final night before laying myself in the largest patch of flowers and herbs to be consumed by the earth as a way to give back”

31. Which would you prefer you dying before your loved ones, or them dying before you?

“uhm..probably them dying before i would..to spare them the grief”

33. What are your stances on the spectrum? 

“in a social standpoint or a biological standpoint??”

“biologically i lowkey enjoy the diversity..how each group has something unique to them like the lower spectrum of trolls having a higher possibility of psionics..or purples with chucklevoodoos..”

“socially i really wish there wasnt such a divide..and its not like we have a choice in the matter were forced based on our blood color to fall into a certain level of financial and social hierarchy as a form of control and division..”

“honestly if i could give away all my money and not automatically get a refill i would..”

35. If you were empress for a day what would you do? 

“upend the status quo and dismantle the hierarchy..”

“..also give lowbloods a lot of money to live comfortably so they can begin the careers they wanted to do but never had the means to do them”

37. What do you fear loosing most? A possession, your senses, loved one, ect?

“the thing i fear most is losing someones trust in me...to irreparably damage a relationship with no hope of returning...ha..”

39. What is your biggest dream in life and how far would you go to obtain it. 

“i dont know...im pretty content in my life as it is; i have my shop..my garden..my hobbies..i just wish i had someone to share all of this with i guess”

41. Are there any people in your life you miss? What would you do if you could see them again? 

“....apologize..”

43. Do you consider yourself a material troll? If giving up every thing you owned meant eternal happiness would you do it?

“as cluttered and material-filled as my hive is i could give it all up if it meant id find eternal happiness..”

“..that being said i do fear losing everything ive worked on because i..kind of lack a fallback plan..”

[akuaya-stories-tl]

Chapter 2, Episode 2: Behind That Smile

Fiori: They definitely need this. And this too... Ah, I think they don't have that too...

Mhmm. Gotta note them down... I guess that's pretty much all?

Fiori: Morning~! Today's a good start too.

Dia: ...It's already noon.

Espada: Not only you, but the clock in your room is broken too?

Fiori: Hold on, why did you assume that I'm broken. Me and my clock are perfectly okay.

Let me get this straight first, it's not because I've overslept either. But because there's a lot to do in a princess' morning routine.

Espada: Routine...?

Fiori: Curious? If so, I'll kindly reveal them.

Espada: No—

Fiori: After I woke up at 7 am, I started the day by drinking hot water. After doing a light stretch, I do my skincare.

Then I do my makeup that matches my mood that day. Today is matte! By the way, yesterday was glitter. Did you guys notice it?

After I'm done with my makeup, I watered my plants and checked their health condition. Afterwards I chose which dress—

Dia: Espada, this was your fault. Why did you respond to that word "routine"?

Espada: My apologies, Lord Dia. I subconsciously asked it on reflex...

Fiori: Hey, are you guys listening? That's why even I am busy with what not and all.

So, what are you guys talking about? Looks like you both are making a serious face.

Espada: We're talking about matters that don't concern you.

Fiori: Hmm? Conspiring a sinister scheme, I see.

But, I know too~ There are topics only Devils can discuss with each other.

Being left out just because I'm a human. I'm so lonely~

Espada: Then you should head back to your home country. You shouldn't be here to begin with.

Fiori: Oh, right, right~ I was just about to say that.

Hey, Prince. Can I go to Galanthia?

Dia: Galanthia... your birthplace?

Fiori: That's right.

Dia: What plan do you have that requires you to go there?

Fiori: You've seen Sena's room, haven't you? Their room is so excessively bland, I thought I'd choose something suitable for them.

At least visit them once? Can you see how pitiful they are, standing alone in a barren room?

I understand them since I also experienced the same when I first arrived at the castle. So I want to be their strength, even just for a bit.

Espada: Are those really your only objectives?

Fiori: Of course those are my only ones?

Espada: You averted your gaze just now.

Fiori: Not at all, I'm definitely not thinking that I'll go shopping and visit the new cafe as well.

Espada: Unbelievable.

Fiori: But I didn't lie when I said it's for Sena's sake too.

Although I don't suppose this can be a piece of evidence... Take a look at this list.

Espada: Curtains, bedding, rag, tablecloth, room slippers... Spare clothes, houseplants, Nivalis room fragrance...

Dia: There's more written on the back.

Espada: Wha...! You don't need to buy this many!

If you're going to buy, at least buy the bare minimum of essentials. And no matter how you put it, the room fragrance is for your taste.

Fiori: Not just any room fragrance, but Nivalis branded.

Do you know? They're a cosmetic brand that's all the hot in Galanthia. Almost all the skincare and cosmetics I collected are from them.

I gotta check their newly released eyeshadow ♪ I'm looking forward to it~♪

... And that's why, am I permitted for my homecoming?

I'd really like to bring along Sena to choose at first, but...

It spelled trouble if anything happens, so I'll go by myself.

Espada: ...Lord Dia, I don't think it's wise to let her go. Make no mistake, she's definitely stirring up something again.

May I go alongside her to keep tabs on her?

Dia: Sure, that's fine with me.

Espada: My humblest gratitude. You can rely on me.

Be glad, Lord Dia has given you the permit to go. Under one condition.

Fiori: We're going together, right? I can hear you guys.

Jeez, you really don't have an ounce of faith in me.

Espada: Of course I am. Try and reflect on your usual behavior.

Fiori: Hmm. Which behavior are you talking about?

Ah, I don't mind you're tagging along. But I'll leave the bags lifting to you.

Espada: No. Listen now. You may have the permit to go, but don't behave as you like.

Fiori: Okie-dokie! Got it.

Prince, although you might be lonely without us here, we're getting home as soon as possible.

Espada: Is it so difficult for you to watch your tone of speaking.

Fiori: Yeah, yeah. We're going now~ Espada, can you use the teleportation magic spell?

Espada: That goes without saying.

Fiori: Thanks! Then it'll be a quick trip to Galanthia. Of course, help me with going back too!

Espada: You wretched people-worker.

Espada: ...We'll be going, Lord Dia. If anything happens, we'll return immediately.

Dia: Yeah. I'll leave it to you. Don't mind too much about me.

Fiori: Alright! It's going well... I think?

Dia: ...

Fiori: ...

[To Be Continued...]

[rhi-writesblog]

Shades of Love; Chapter 1

June 31, 2000

Natasha’s 18th birthday. 

When we turn 18, we lose color in our lives until we see our soulmate. Some see color as soon as they see their boyfriends and girlfriends. Some see color as soon as they see their friends.. And some even see color on the side of the street without knowing it. 

Not Natasha. 

All day, Natasha made sure to look at everyone.. She even made direct eye contact for more than a second with people. But she never saw color. It wasn’t fair. Even her neighbor, Chrisopher saw color with her best friend, McKenna. 

If Nat couldn’t see color, then why should Chris be able to? Especially with her best friend? That really isn’t fair.

“Ya know, if you wanted to see color so badly, you could go on some blind dates.. Like we did?” McKenna suggested with a smile at lunch. 

I looked at her and laughed. She was always a weird one. I pity Chris since he’s gotta marry her now. But maybe she was right? Maybe going on some dates would help me find my soulmate.. Or even someone I can learn to love with or without color. 

“You’re thinking about it. I know that look, Nat.” Chris said. 

“Yeah.. I just- I don’t wanna get my hopes up, ya know?” I sighed, picking at my nachos with my fork. 

“Nat, you’re not going to meet your soulmate if you keep moping around and staying to yourself.” Kenna pointed out. 

Why was she always right about stuff like this? 

I chuckled and shrugged, “I guess so. You two wanna find my first date?” 

At that question, I could see Kenna’s face light up. She always loved to help set people up on dates. 

“Duh! I have so many guys lined up and in mind for you! How do you feel about a double date?” She began to ask a million questions. I could see Chris beginning to fall more and more in love with Kenna. I envied her.. I always wanted to be with Chris, but we were never compatible with each other. Even before senior year. He always loved Kenna. 

I couldn’t even focus on any of Kenna’s questions. I just nodded along. I trust her enough to help set me up on dates. She knows me better than my parents. Probably better than myself. 

“Kenna? Babe, I think you’re overwhelming Nat..” Chris laughed at me. I shot him a look and kicked him under the table. 

“He’s not. I promise. I was just thinking about graduation.” I lied. Thankfully, they both believed my lie. 

The rest of the day went by painfully slow. I wanted to cry the whole day. It was like everywhere I looked, I thought I was able to see color, but it was just my memory trying to piece everything together. The tile walls were an ugly gray, and yet the bricks were a beautiful and richer gray. The floors were painfully white, and yet they were also a comforting white.. Like a freshly washed bed set. I never appreciated the grayscale until now. Maybe that’s why all of the best pieces of art are in black and white.. Even after the artist sees color.. It’s all beautiful. 

Kenna and Chris obviously took pity on me because they offered me a ride home. They never did that.. “Nat, if you can’t see color, then you don’t need to be driving until you learn how the stop lights work… and you don’t need to be walking home in the rain either.” Kenna said. 

“Kenna, it isn’t raining?” I said, turning my gaze up to the sky. It would be really cliche if it did rain then, but it didn’t. I kinda expected it to, but it didn’t. 

“Just get in the car, Nat. We wanna take you out for your birthday and a double date.” Chris explained with a smile. 

Did they really already set me up on a double date? How? It’s barely even been three hours since lunch. Is it even worth us going out to dinner if lunch hasn’t even digested? 

“Nat? Come on..” Kenna said, reaching into the backseat and opening the door for me. Her smile just screamed that she meant everything in good honesty. She just wanted me to be happy and I couldn’t blame her. 

I thought for a moment and then got into the car. I couldn't believe that I was letting them take me out on a double date. I kinda wonder who my date could be? There isn’t anyone in school, other than Chris that I liked. 

“Don’t worry. The date isn’t until 6pm, if that's what you’re thinking. We’re going to go back to my place and then get ready while Chris helps your date get ready.” Kenna explained happily. 

I let out a deep sigh and nodded my head. Of course she thought all of this through. Clearly, she’d been thinking of this moment since she found out that her soulmate was Chris. 

“Okay.. Thanks, Kenna..” I smiled at her. My smile was tired and showed exactly what I was really thinking without me needing to say anything. 

“Don’t worry, Nat,” Chris began as he pulled out of the school parking lot and began to drive to Kenna’s house, “if you don’t like this date, there doesn’t have to be a second one and we will find you someone new whenever you’re ready.” 

I could tell that he was aiming his words at McKenna because of the way she crossed her arms and mimicked him. I smiled at him and nodded. “Thanks, Chris.” I chuckled before laughing when McKenna continued to mimic her boyfriend. 

Once we got to McKenna’s house, she was quick to usher me to her bedroom. We tossed out backpacks by her bedroom door and she sat me down at her desk. 

“You are going to be so beautiful when I’m done doing your hair and makeup!” Kenna clapped her hands excitedly as she grabbed her makeup case from her bathroom. 

I just watched her and shrugged, allowing her to do whatever she wanted to my face. I trust Kenna. I mean, look at her, she’s absolutely amazing at makeup! It doesn’t even look like she wears any! But then again, she’s just naturally beautiful... Maybe that’s why Chris loved her and not the fact that she’s his soulmate... 

[inpursuitofmeaning]

April 25th, 2024

today I learned how to say dinosaur 공룡. Hella hard. I also ordered some cool Adidas Sambas, which are objectively sick as fuck

On a less "sick as fuck" note, I saw an Instagram post that really fucked me up. I was doing well, and then all of a student single unhealed thing from the last 2 years was triggered. Let's pump the breaks and be my own big sister for a second. If we can't be sick as fuck, we can at least be as objective as fuck. 1. "I don't daydream of you anymore, but I think of you when I wash my dishes." 2. " Do you tell our story fondly?" - "You were never the villain in mine." 3. " I never wished you ill. I hope you find the peace I never was" (this one fucked me up the most) 4. "In another life, we learned to talk. I was unhurt, and you healed." So here I am, sitting on my bed at 12:16 in the morning, feeling stuffed full and minorly sick from stress-eating bread and cookies all day, and all I want to do is call him. Or text him. Or know if he still thinks of me, too.

But I can't do any of those things because he wanted this, and I must respect that. Sure, I could call him, but what's really the outcome of that? I must reground myself. Let's lay out a little play-by-play of how it will go.

I will call, and he might not pick up. Then I'll be super emerased and that will lead to a whole other string of questions. "Why didn't he pick up? What's he doing right now? Is it because he's asleep? Doesn't he want to talk? Playing hard to get? Is he enjoying this? Does he hate me? Oh god, this is embarrassing, Emily. Why did you call him, ugh, stop this, look at yourself..." and then I will cry myself to sleep. Woohoo. But, if he does pick up, he may say, "Hey, what's up?" And I'll say, "Not much, you? And he will say, "Not much, how are you?" and then I'll lie and say, "im good", and he will know im lying because if I wasn't, why would I be calling him? And we might talk, and I'll embarrass myself by saying a bunch of stuff promoted by that sad Instagram post at 1 in the morning, and then he will pity me, and say something like "it's okay, you're doing great", and then ill feel guilty for putting him in a situation where he comforts me despite his own pain, creating this power dynamic and yadda yadda yadda.

That's not what I want. Plus, I can not relinquish the single sliver of power and self-dignity I have left. I have no one but myself. I am all that I have. Just me. I don't really feel like I have any true friends because I don't think myself capable of having real friends while I hate myself as much as I do. Apparently, it isn't normal to wonder if your friends hate you all the time. Maybe i should start with loving myself, or rather, becoming a person I feel is worthy of love. I have come to realize that I really am not happy with who I am as a person.

And what would be the outcome of this phone call? What is the "best" situation? We get back together? And then what? Trapped back in this endless cycle - on and off, to either be together forever or inevitably break up again? Is that really what I want? To feel this pain all over again in a few months, years, decades? Thats it. There are only 2 ways relationships can end. You are together forever, or you break up. What the fuck is up with that. Why is life so short. The bliss of love and despair of loss - those are two pretty harsh extremes to experience in our few years on this earth.

Maybe I can become a monk and figure out what this "love" thing really is about. The only problem is I just don't look good in orange, and they don't drive Porsches. Let's put a pin in that one. I must re-ground. This is hard, but everyone goes through it. Things weren't perfect (although the negative memories seemed to elude me, annoyingly).

Anyways,