#but i hope you understand now why that quote is literally so painful

[peeterparkr]

thus, with a kiss, i die| tom holland| 1.

chapter 1: strangers.

romeo & juliet modern au.

summary: the well known story of star-crossed lovers. Your local bar has two spots for bands, but only one spot for an opportunity to get a record deal. Your band, the Capulets and his band, the Montagues have been rivals long enough. But what happens after a night when you get to know their lead singer?

chapter summary: two strangers who have no expectations.

pairing: singer!tom holland x guitarrist!reder

warnings: swearing, alcohol mention

word count: 3.8k

this is literally romeo and juliet, it's one of my favorite stories, if you've read my other works you KNOW I love to quote it, and reference and eveyrhting. Anyway, this is my take on it. Modern world, hope you like it. I haven't written anything in ages so here goes.

character glossary prologue next chapter masterlist

wanna be tagged?

so, first chapter is finally here! I highly thank everyone who's been supportive of this :) i'm really happy to be writing again and to see people actually reading is making me go insane. Well, I hope you like it, I highly encourage to read the prologue to understand a bit more of the capulets and the montagues. This chapter is heavily focused on Tom and y/n separately. Again, this is my take on Romeo and Juliet, it's literally based on it with my modern twist but yes :) hope you like it, send feedback. Also, I have a playlist on apple music, I'm going to get it on spotify as well so I'll share that later.

The night seemed either too old or the light too young. Blurry, and messy seemed the evening before, a couple of drinks, two songs too many, and a gathering crowd that was too delighted. For his own good. 

Tom couldn’t recall what had been said, or done. Last thing he knew was he’d shown up, his bleeding heart puffing out of his chest as he continued to stab it under the spotlight. Making a show out of his broken heart.

Only Ben had asked if he could do it. 

“Yeah, yeah, I can do it with a broken heart,” he had pleaded. But could he? 

“Enjoy the spotlight,” had been the advice he had received from Monty. And although he wasn’t referring to the light, Tom later understood it meant the several attempts that were made to flirt with him.

He had given in, eventually. What else can you do with a broken heart? 

And as he woke up early from a cold bed, slightly too crowded, with a hand up on his chest he growled, leaving an empty trail behind him and a headache that would last. 

He didn’t say goodbye. He didn’t have to. The poor girl had probably just been a victim of his attempt to forget a broken heart. 

He’d left his motorbike at the bar so he had to clumsily and shamefully walk back to Verona. Thankfully he was now alone with his melancholic thoughts, an endless path full of misery and tears that were waiting to trace a map back to his pain. An unfurnished heart and his sudden questioning of what love was and if he’d truly felt it was going to keep him busy all day. If it hurt this much then he guessed he had felt it. But had he? 

He felt like he’d walked for hours. He wondered why it wasn’t raining yet he felt like it was pouring down on him. 

He’d heard much about love. How wonderful, a very splendid thing. Butterflies and unusual symphonies. He’d heard about love. But he didn’t know much about it. 

He’d heard little about love. 

Falling in and and falling out. He’d heard about hate, too. And how it was the absence of love. He disagreed much with it. For what he was feeling right now wasn’t hate. He felt empty. 

Falling out of love hadn’t made him turn towards hatred. Falling out of love was like losing air, like the sun wasn’t coming out, life didn’t continue and the whole world was meant to stop.  And the worst part of it was it didn’t. The sun came out, the birds were chirping and no one saw or cared he hurt. How dare the world continue when it had stopped for him? 

Maybe it was hate. Though, he didn’t know much about hate either.

 He’d searched for more love the night before or whatever was similar to it, perhaps that’s why he’d searched for some other lips for him. 

“Tom,” someone had interrupted his current inner monologue. His mind wandering had been brought back to reality all of sudden. Tom turned around to find Ben. 

Tom only raised his eyebrows  as he walked to his helmet. “Ben.” 

“You’re here early.” Ben commented. 

“It’s not early.” But it probably was. 

“It’s barely 9,” Ben declared as he stared at his watch. Ben worked the early shift at Verona, cleaning tables and getting ready for the day, so it was early. 

Tom groaned , “fuck.” Barely 9 and he had already died 7 times. 

He looked back at Verona that kindly had a sign which read ‘NO MONTAGUES ALLOWED TONIGHT.’ 

“What?” Ben questioned. “A few days ago you were in pain because you were falling in love.” 

“Out of love,” Tom corrected. “What happened last night?” He asked. 

Ben amused, chuckled. “Oh, darling,” he mocked his accent.. “You don’t remember?”

Tom rolled his eyes. “I know, I meant before,” he pointed at the sign. “Where the fuck am I supposed to drown this sorrow in alcohol instead?” 

“Ah,” Ben pressed his lips in a thin, thin line. “Well, the Capulets—“

“Piss off, I’m tired of that,” Tom rolled his eyes. “I have enough problems trying to understand why Rosie dumped me.” 

“And why did she?”

“Beats me,” Tom said. “She said I was too romantic. What the fuck does that mean? She said she didn’t want anything serious and that she wanted to have fun. Am I not fun?” 

Ben watched his friend with pity. “You know what?” He sighed, “I’ll take the day off, I’ll cheer you up.” 

Tom didn’t want that. 

But it didn’t matter. Not far from them Billie was cheering herself up, knowing that the night would be grand. It held the promise of the sun finally coming out for them. 

Billie had been waiting for a chance like this, and she knew her new friend Paris would help out. 

Paris, Billie thought his name to be ridiculous. For him only, ironically. Though it worked, she guessed. Cap had always thought they were meant for something greater than this. 

She often wondered what it could’ve been. 

She knew what they had set each other up, Capulets and Montagues. But she had her reasons. And her falling with Monty was something she often ignored and blamed him for. Monty was definitely at fault. He’d been the one to play with fire, he’d been the one to absolutely ruin everything. Which was a story for another time. Cap didn’t like to think about it so the reason will be kept secret. Let’s not get ahead. 

However Cap did like to think about how she’d ruined it herself. She had a marvelous time. 

People often called Cap a no brain woman. She took pride in that, although she didn’t agree. Although her last night with their initial band with Monty, “Shaken Spears”, was ine ti remember, she’d destroyed the whole place and humiliated him.  

It was fun. 

But now they were struggling because often bands are followed by popularity and Tom had given them just that. 

However she knew she was technically cheating. 

“So tonight’s your big night,” said Paris. Paris was more than just a bartender. His father owned Verona. And although Skylar owned the place she didn’t actually own it, and it was always Paris’ last call. 

So it did help that Paris had an infatuation with y/n, Cap’s younger sister, an incredible guitarist and a poet in her free time. Author of their best songs.

Or not really a poet, but someone who loved to poetize her sorrow. Same shit. 

“Yes, it is,” Cap smiled, “I’m glad we can prove we are better than the Montageeses.” 

Paris chuckled. “You are,” he agreed. “But they’ve got something.” 

“Yes, I know that British brainless brute,” she hissed. 

Paris nodded. “And he’s single now.” 

“Single now? Fuck,” Cap sighed. She thought Monty had probably something to do with it. Making the stupid hunk available would make them more appealing. 

“Yeah, and he already went home with someone,” Paris continued. 

Shit. This was even worse. 

“But I’m sure y/n will bring a lot of attention as well,” he cleared his throat. “I mean she’s incredibly talented.” 

“She is.” 

“Hope I get to—talk to her tonight.”

Although Cap was thrilled they’d be able to get more Saturday nights she wasn’t as fond for it to be at her sister’s expense. Although she knew she didn’t dislike Paris. 

Paris was a tall, handsome young guy. He had the brightest, bluest eyes. Y/N was fond of kind eyes. He was kinda cute, she guessed.

“Yeah,” Cap said. “I’m glad you want to befriend her.” 

Paris blushed. “I may—I may want more than befriending her.” 

Cap coughed, “you know, I’m not the one to make that decision for her. And if you want her to fall in love with you that’s your problem. You have to… woo her."

And she knew y/n to be sort of new to matters of love. Y/N was naive and stupid when it came to it. Her heart was an empty room ready to be filled. An open window letting the warm air in. Walls waiting to be painted. Her closet was full of dresses that were thrilled to be worn.  Y/N barely knew anything about it. She’d heard a lot about it, and spoke of it like a grand connoisseur. Words of someone who could imagine what it felt like. Romanticizing her lack of knowledge of love. 

“I know,” Paris said, “hopefully tonight I’ll get to talk to her, it’s the perfect setup.” He grinned to himself. “Besides, your idea to make it a theme night—“

“Shit!” Cap interrupted. “I haven’t given out these!” She took out a bunch of pink, blue and purple sheets, covered in constellations, stars, moons and suns which read: 

✨We are made of stardust✨ The Capulets invite you to celebrate the arrival of a new angel in their team.  Heaven, skies, signs and stars  mask themed party.  Greek goddesses, and mythic galaxies welcomed.   Costumes are encouraged. (Plus, you won’t have to pay cover if you’re dressed up )  Saturday 8 o’clock NO MONTAGUES ALLOWED.

Paris watched her. “I can get someone to hand them out.” 

And so he did, and before they knew it, a young boy was handing out the printed pamphlets. Nearby, some Montagues were sitting by. Getting a well deserved break. 

“You know the best cure for an old love is a new one,” Ben assured Tom, watching as the younger teenager who would earn a few bucks struggled to hand out the pamphlets. 

“I’d rather cut my own leg,” Tom rolled his eyes. “You know I just feel trapped it’s like this fucking emptiness is just spreading—Hello?” He turned to the kid who’d just interrupted them by approaching them. 

“Hi. Good heavens.” 

Ben and Tom shared a glance. 

“Can we help you?” Tom questioned. 

“Are you Montagues?” The kid questioned. 

“Who asks?” Tom raised his eyebrow, trying to get a glimpse of the pamphlet. 

“Ah, then you are,” the kid sighed and tried to keep his way. 

“No, we aren’t,” Tom grinned and then shot a death glare at Ben who frowned. “We aren’t, what’s that?” 

“The Capulets.” He handed it over so Tom could finally take a look. 

Tom smirked, “ah, their gig.” 

“You knew about it?” The kid asked. “You need the pamphlet thing to get in.” 

Tom glanced up. “If you didn’t want me to be a Montague I could only guess.” 

Ben glanced at Tom. “We can’t go.” 

“Sure we can!” Tom smirked. 

“I was told to encourage guys like you,” the kid admitted. He looked between them. “Apparently there will be a lot of pretty girls.”

“See? Didn’t you want me to get a new love?” Tom mocked his friend. “C’mon, let’s call Maverick, I’m sure he’ll be down.” 

“Didn’t you want to cut your leg?”

And someone else wanted to cut their own leg. Not too far from them, in an old apartment, full of vinyls, lipsticks, old bookds, half-written songs and stars, y/n was getting ready with her best friend, Nina, and Clara, Cap’s girlfriend. 

Nina was excellent at makeup and hair, even though she was just your usual case of a gril who dreamed with having her salon. Although, to be fair she mostly wanted it because she said it was the perfect place for other people’s gossip. 

“Can’t believe you’re finally joining the Capulets,” Nina commented as she was placing small stars and sparkles around y/n’s eyes. “Seems like only yesterday when you started playing guitar, and writing songs about books you read. ” 

“Why the hell are you being so emotional?” Laughed Clara, watching them, “you sound like a mom.” 

Y/N had always stayed far from the spotlight, she didn't like it. She didn't think she needed it for that matter. For her, she was just a wallflower, nothing too exceptional. No one really paid any attention to her so she didn't bother trying to get it.

“I am proud of my baby, that’s all, finally showing the world her talent!" Nina smirked, “you know she’s been begging Cap to join them since they were the Shaken Spears? And I was so sad when they split up.” 

“Why?” Clara frowned. 

“She had a crush on Monty,” explained y/n, and then nodded in agreement at Clara’s disgusted grin. “Uh-huh.” 

“We all have questionable crushes,” Nina defended herself. 

“Not me.” Y/N chuckled. But she'd never really liked anyone. Not that anyone fancied her.

Nina motioned a vomiting face. “Except y/n it seems, because she’s perfect,” she mocked, bringing her hands close to her heart. “She’s never dated someone who’s trouble.” 

“And I never will,” y/n laughed. 

“You’ve never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, have you?” Clara questioned. “At least I haven’t met anyone.” 

“Nope, not one!” Nina said. “Hopefully, someone will catch her eye and she can bring them home.” 

“I haven’t had the honor, or misfortune,” y/n answered Clara.. “However I don’t think bringing someone home implies a boyfriend.” 

“You know Paris likes you right?” Nina smirked. , blushing.

“I am aware,” y/n admitted. She knew partly his infatuation had given them the Saturday night gig. She smiled, for the first time she wasn't invisible as usual.

Clara laughed, “Oh, and do you like him?” 

“He’s easy on the eye,” y/n rolled her eyes, her cheeks were flustered. “But in all honesty, I don’t want to… I’m not looking for anything, you know, Nina here is the love of my life so I don’t need anyone else.” 

Nina grinned. “I am her soulmate, that’s true.” 

“Besides, I’m more worried about music, and music is my one true other love, I can’t focus on anything else.” 

And she really didn’t want to focus on anything else. Perhaps, it may have been because she’d never yearned for love. She’d never suffered a broken heart, and she’d never felt that spark. 

That was a lie. 

She could only imagine it. But she didn’t know how it felt. She had always wondered how it would feel, if there truly were butterflies and a tickle in your skin. She wondered if love sounded like a gentle guitar weeping. She wondered if the world actually stopped, all of sudden only with a smile. She wondered if time really stopped ticking when it was felt. Did it taste as sweet as honey? Did it taste bitter? What did love smell like? Was it soft? Was it rough? 

Y/N always questioned why love had always hidden from her. She wondered how long love would take, because it seemed late enough. She’d been asleep for too long. 

She always wanted to love, without thinking, that never ending, the kind of love that is brainless, that makes you foolish. Y/N wanted to laugh, to cry and to feel. 

She knew her heart was special enough. Did no one want it?

And she knew Paris liked her, but she knew he wasn’t love. And she wanted to have it, she didn’t want to imagine it anymore. She wanted to be proven wrong, or proven right. 

To feel naked and yet warmed with the sun. Y/N always thought love would feel like a sunset. To love so passionately. To feel like you might die if you’re not around. She wanted to give her heart, to wake up with the stars wrapping you around in a haze. 

She could only wish. But right now, she was no one. And she knew she'd stay like that.

Or would she? 

Later, when the shadows can no longer be seen as the moon is your only companion, Maverick, Ben and Tom waited outside Verona. A lavender smoke surrounded the air and it held a promise for luck. The gig was about to start, and it was a full house. 

Stardust was the correct theme for the night. People dressed in bright, nightly gowns, girls with stars around their eyes. Moons, stars, angels, devil and gods. Greek goddesses, euphoric galaxies. 

The three of them, dressed to the nines, with masks around their eyes, giving imagination a go. Maverick, one of Tom’s oldest friends, stood right beside him. A sturdy man, tall, and handsome. Blue eyed knight, some liked to call him. He’d dressed as a galaxy, a starry, blue, litmus shirt, and a black mask to accentuate the oceans in his eyes. 

Ben, on the other side, only wore a white blanket around, a greek god had been his inspiration. A golden mask posed on his nose. 

And then, Tom, who had decided to go for something completely different. He’d worn a black, satin buttoned up just halfway the chest. A black mask, with golden feathers on the corners, to combine with the golden, covered in dark ashed pair of wings on his back. 

He’d learned from Maverick that Rosie would be there, so eventually he had to show off. Icarus, he’d gone as Icarus. 

They’d blended in with another group, and were astounded by the transformation of the place. Stars and suns hanging from the city, glitter and stars on the floor. Pink, lavender and blue lights, as if stardust had really covered the place. 

A fortune teller on one corner, with a bright neon sign behind her. Wings, feathers, and fabrics. 

“Jesus,” Maverick said. “If they keep going like this, you guys are going to actually strip on stage next time to stay relevant.” 

Tom only glanced around. “This feels like a dream.” 

Maverick scrunched his nose at his comment and Ben only chuckled as he arrived with the drinks. Unfortunately they hadn’t recognized them so he could get a bucket of beer. 

“Just drink, buddy,” Maverick handed a beer. 

There was something in the air, Tom could feel it. “I’m serious,” he said 

“Oh yes, yes, the old dream fairy visited you and gave you a glimpse of your future.” 

“Fuck off.” 

Before he continued, they were interrupted. “Well, hello, hello! What a lovely scene!” Billie said into her mic,  her stand was covered with flowers. Everyone turned to the stage, a projection of stars fell on her face. She had a glass in her hand. “I’m so fucking happy everyone could make it, and y’all look so hot.” 

A few laughs, cheers, whistles and clapping. Tom watched her, she was dressed with a dark blue dress, covered in small, silver moons combining with her silver mask, with stars coming out of it, surrounding her head. 

“I’m so glad everyone stayed on theme, but I do see someone dressed as a ghost, not sure if it’s the right vibe, but you do you buddy,” she smirked. “Anyway, I’m so happy that you joined us tonight. So, some of you may already know us, you know the gist,  we will play fun tunes for you, while y’all enjoy a drink, and you can sing and dance along. Are y’all with a drink already?” 

A loud cheer. 

“Amazing, I have a drink here myself, so cheers,” she took a sip. “I’ll be joined by my beautiful comrades over here.” 

Louder cheer, claps and a room full of noise. Tom had never been to one of their gigs, and the vibe was different from theirs. Cap was better at crowd work than he was. Monty usually talked and turned on the audience, promising Tom would take off his clothes. He never did. 

Seemed, however, the Capulet’s fanbase was more intense and devoted, rather than thirsting for them. Although he could see some people in the crowd were certainly not complaining about Cap. 

“Alright, I’m so I see a few new faces over here, I’m glad to see you so I’ll introduce these beautiful ladies,” she smirked. “And tonight’s the first night one of them is joining so make sure y’all clap and have this loud ass cheer, okay? We want her to feel welcome, so I want you to fucking scream and lose your minds for her, okay? or else I’ll beat your asses.” Laughs. 

“So first, let’s welcome the love of my life, Clara, who’s on the bass,” Clara walked in to say hello. Cheers, claps. 

Maverick, Ben and Tom all stared at each other. They’d never seen this kind of crowd. 

The girls kept walking in, as the cheers got louder each time. “Amazing, then we have our sexy Georgia on the drums, our lovely cute Sam on the keyboard. We have this hot badass on the guitar, bass, and fuckin’ ell everything that we need her on, please welcome Theodora.” 

Tom bit his lip, expectant. Why were they leaving the last one for the end? 

The place was moving. 

“But we know why you all are here, tonight all of this is for our newest member. Who isn’t exactly new. She’s been behind the scenes this whole time, she’s written some of your favorites like… Milky Twilight,” Billie smirked. “Flowers for two… Table for one… Yeah, yeah I know, and so many more, like our fan favorite Star shaped heart.” 

Ben and Tom were panicking. They had efinitely heard those songs. One of them was even  recorded already, and they had heard a rumour that it would be on the radio. Star shaped heart was the Capulet’s song. They’d always believed that Cap had written them so to hear the actual mastermind behind those, was terrifying for them. 

“and I’m so fucking happy she finally is on stage,” Billie said. “Please, welcome my younger sister, the talented, beautiful and brilliant y/n!” 

And Tom felt like he had been hit by a car. The girl had walked into the stage to the warmest, loudest crowd. The entire room had gone absolutely crazy. 

Yet, Tom felt the most calm, as he laid eyes on her. The whole world had stopped. Like an angel had flown over. A golden, long gown, folded, falling down all the way. As if sun rays were coming out of her, she was the purest light,  brighter than the sun, prettier than any of the skies above. Like she was floating above them all, flying. She was the sun.

Tom held in his breath as he watched her. It was a dream, it had to be, what else could it be instead? Maybe a wish, of one of those you wish upon a star.

“Okay, okay, so you guys all know us,” Cap said. “I’m Billie, but y’all can call me Cap. We’re The Capulets!” 

And they started to play. And Tom’s eyes could only be on her, her. And her name was roaming in his mind, the sweetest melody. A diamond. With a guitar covered in star stickers

The played a few songs and Tom finally tried to approach the stage as soon as Billie announced they’d get a break. He had actively avoided and ignored Ben’s and Mavericks comments. They continued to drink. 

Tom was in awe,and he couldn’t even hide it. 

Someone had noticed it. 

Theodora approached Billie. “We seem to have a stowaway,” she warned Cap, motioning to the stupid kid. 

Cap turned and saw him, lost and confused, watching them with veneration. 

“I’ll beat the shit out of him if you need me to,” Theodora said.

“Is that Tom?” Cap questioned, she’d never seen him here before, and honestly, she was too happy to care. “Ah, don’t bother, he is no trouble.” 

“But--” 

“We can’t have trouble, Theo,” she warned. “If we cause any mess Skylar will kick us out, alright?” 

Theo wasn’t pleased with that answer. They both were left too busy to see Tom had finally approached the sunlight herself. Who was currently by the bar, attempting to get a drink.

And so Icarus made his way to the sun. 

He only knew he wanted something, one kiss. That’s all he needed. But he couldn’t start with that. But there she was, alone with what seemed all the spotlights and yet no one approached her. How could they not?

He followed after her, as she was making her way out the backdoor. He guessed she thought no one was following her.

“Hey," his voice was soft.

The girl turned around, slightly startled, and it had been as if she’d been hit by the same bus as him. “Oh, hi.”  

-

wanna be tagged?

i'm tagging some friends and some who asked, if you want to be added to the taglist tell me if you want to be removed, no worries tell me as well! :)

tags: @lnmp89 @blondygwendy @dangerousluv1 @love-granger @kikiwritesfanfics @astoldbydanid @erodasghosts @peterdarlingg @hollandweather @annathesillyfriend @mannien @sukunababe @adoredire @whosyourgnomie4

character glossary

prologue

next chapter

masterlist

[akuna-fanclub]

The thing about Bode is, you don’t have to forgive him for what happened—but you can find yourself *understanding* why he did it. Ultimately, I think choosing the Empire felt like his only hope. His wife had been k*lled by an inquisitor, because of his force sensitivity, and now he was on the run, with a little kid by his side. By working for the enemy, Denvik promised him that Kata would be safe if he quote, “stayed useful”. I feel like at that point, he was so far into it, it was easier to keep doing his bidding, while knowing that Kata was safe.

The first time we see Bode, Cal, and Kata interact—Bode feels genuine here. He’s trying to explain to Cal why he did what he did, and Cal doesn’t get it. That’s why when Bode says that he doesn’t understand what it’s like to be a father, I feel like that’s super important for the next game. Because Cal will essentially sort of have to play parent for Kata, and now he’ll see firsthand. Personally I think that line resonates a lot more than we realize, that whole scene in general. At the end, on Tanalorr, it’s clear that they would’ve been willing to Give Bode a Chance, but at that point we see a VERY different Bode than we saw back on the imperial station. I feel like this is the first time we actually see Bode as any sort of “villain” vs someone who was just struggling, and it’s interesting to see why it took so long, but I feel like it’s super telling.

Especially when in all the force echos, we see how much regret he has for what he’s doing to the Mantis crew. You can see it in the cutscene before Cordova dies too, when the imperials attack, Bode looks up, then closes his eyes as if indicating that he’s regretting what’s about to come. Especially because he worked so closely with Cordova for a bit. And he WAS a Jedi!!! I don’t think it’s so much that Bode is anti republic/Jedi, but mostly that he’s so beyond desperate to keep his daughter safe that he’s done some things that he regrets. And THAT is why he’s one of my alltime favorite characters. Like they built sooo much into this one character, and managed to pull it off flawlessly in ONE game??? Incredible. Ate and left no crumbs.

Also, we have to remember, in one of the force echos, he literally tells Denvik that he promised to share which inquisitor killed his wife, if he turned in Cere’s location. Denvik of course goes back on this, and Bode rightfully gets upset—but can’t do anything. There’s so much pain, and regret behind Bode’s character, and his voice actor and the entire crew just *chefs kiss*, nailed it.

[butteronpancakes]

Thoughts on Blade's recent characterisation

(Crossposting from reddit because I love my tumblrinas)

Does anyone else feel Blade, and by extension Yingxing, had inconsistent writing 1.4? I'm wondering if I had just read his character wrong to begin with due to my personal biases and was hoping someone could clarify some aspects of Jing Liu's companion quest that confused me such as:

1) Mara 

Blade's mara feels like some convenient plot device. I was under the impression it flared up when confronting anything that conjures up painful memories such as his meetings with Dan Heng. Kafka even specifically told him in her companion quest to avoid seeing familiar faces again. Yet, he was somehow keeping himself together up until the peak of the battle with JL? Which leads me onto my next point.

2) Blade and Jing Liu

There is a huge tonal disparity between his voice line about JL and how he interacted with her in the CQ. The 1.4 trailer gave me the impression he was going to throw hands but he just kinda asked her to try killing him again. Which is fair, it reinforces his ultimate goal of wanting to die and feeds into JL being a harbinger of karmatic debt that shaped his identity as a vengeful weapon. I have nothing against this but it makes the previous voice line about her feel needlessly aggressive and out of place. 

3) Yingxing and Baiheng 

This is admittedly more of a personal gripe but I feel they should have established his relationship with Baiheng a lot more. It's obvious BH was extremely dear to him given that, according to JL, the entire sedition (which is a subject with its own share of differing narratives) was an attempt to resurrect her. 

I actually really like how this reinforces that Baiheng was the glue of the HCQ and that it makes sense as it was her that gave YX the confidence boost he needed as a child. 

However, at the same time I feel conflicted because it completely destroys the entire point of Yingxing's character? YX took pride in being a short-life species that was able to surpass the XZ natives through his hard work and passion, forgetting to even sleep or eat. He was so driven on avenging the family the abundance took from him at such a young age despite facing prejudice from the other craftsmen. He literally never shuts up about it, 

"In fact... I also have lots of work to do, and won't live very long unlike the celestials on the Xianzhou. "

"I'm a short-life species, you think two hours isn't enough? It will be done"

This line in particular speaks for itself,

"I'd rather leave this world in a blaze than live until the end of time. I will let all of the Xianzhou know that a brief moment of my life is worth more than their long meaningless live."

The reason why Blade's story is so tragic is because he was robbed of this and thereby, everything that made him Yingxing. 

Now I get it, that must have meant that he loved Baiheng so much to completely turn around all his values on living one's limited existence to the fullest and being against the abundance to use the flesh of an emanator on her. Grief changes you, one's personal philosophies may not necessarily apply to other people, BH was already notorious for escaping near death situations, he probably had it in his head he will die first out of the Quintet, and he and DF were proud, arrogant jackasses who thought they could actually pull their Full Metal Alchemist arc off.

But you see how there are some fairly subjective assumptions needed to be made here in order to justify such a drastic shift in YX's characterisation that was consistently built up since the beginning? It also doesn't help that this quote can either come across as him respecting the situation or sounding bitter about it. 

"Yes, none of us are special! Each of us has only one life, sacrificing for this, dying for that... it's all our own choices. Just like how she chose to save you and Jing Liu... just like how she chose to let more people live on!"

I understand it on paper but I feel there was loss potential and not much concrete in-game content to drive home the emotional impact. Blade barely mentions Baiheng in his character stories aside from the vague "beloved", there are no voice lines, mirage echoes or any other readings aside from the Zhuming one prior to 1.4. Heck, that one closed beta content about her was removed and they only kept the lore about DF (at the risk of sounding like some annoying shipper, they established DF and YX being partners-in-crime so much to the point it is more convincing that he assisted mostly out of loyalty to DF) . I get it that Baiheng isn't explicitly stated to have any present counterparts (even though BH = Bailu theory is super implied at this point) but that didn't stop JL from having her dead centre on her phone case.

Also for those entertaining the possibility that YX mostly did it to go along with DF's ulterior motive of creating a new HE and/or uprooting the Ambrosial Arbor, the bracer lore implies that YX was the one who originally brought up the idea of supposedly resurrecting BH.

"This person (DF) who stubbornly adhered to their plans with the unnamed (YX)"

I'm not saying at all this approach was bad or any logic leaps had to be made (it's honestly pretty straightforward) but it felt like the rug was pulled from underneath for those who were invested in YX/Blade as a character. I've also seen the argument that YX's arrogance was repeatedly mentioned, so it's no surprise he had a wack moral compass, but didn't that conceited behaviour also stem from his virgin XZ natives vs chad short-lived outlander mentality?

I've said this before but the narrative told in JL's CQ is good in a vacuum but it made some of the previously established lore come across as contradictory, hence all these theories about JL being a unreliable narrator and conspiracies about writers intentionally messing up the HCQ lore.

I'm not sure, is what I'm saying making sense or did I just make up an oc in my head?

TDLR; It felt like they were changing around previously established aspects of his character for JL's companion quest and the parts that did make sense lacked context that it being the sole reason to throw away all the foundation themes YX embodies just rubs the wrong way.

[bisexual-horror-fan]

Why Freddy Is A Child Killer And Nothing More.

SO! I am fucking sick and tired of seeing this shit over and over again so I think it is high time I make a post addressing this formally. Freddy Krueger is not a pedophile, child molester, kiddy toucher, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. 

You might be saying “Well Bex! I heard that originally Wes Craven-” Yup. Originally Wes Craven played around with the idea of it but it was cut early on and did not make it into the final script and nothing pertaining to that was ever shot either. 

Next you might say, “Oh but what about the 2010 remake? He was totally a fucking pedo in that!”

You are right in the 2010 remake he was! Okay. So. I am gonna say this next part loudly and clearly.  

Fuck the 2010 remake.

Wes Craven has literally nothing to do with it. In fact they did not consult Wes on the remake at all and he expressed his displeasure over that fact as well! The remake is not fucking canon to me and many others due to that fact alone. The vast, vast majority of people you see on here, myself included, who love Freddy are talking about the OG 80s and New Nightmare Freddy played by Robert Englund.

Speaking of Robert Englund! He is very important to this conversation. Now why is that? Because he played the character for twenty years? Yes I think that does give him a good amount of say in this conversation. But more than that he literally made the character who is. After A Nightmare On Elm Street back in 1984, the first one, Robert asked for more money and better billing when ANOES 2 was going to happen, the studio said fuck that, the makeup is the most important part! And they recast him! 

They got two weeks into shooting before they realized how hard they fucked up and asked for Robert back, meeting his originally, extremely fair, especially considering his role, demands.

Freddy is not just saying bitch, it is not corny one liners and it is NOT just make up, there is a fuck ton more to him, there is depth and Robert? Clearly understands that to the point that the studio agreed no one else could play him in the original franchise’s run. So I think we can agree what Robert thinks about Freddy is clearly important, leading to my next point.

As for what Robert actually has to say on the matter, and I quote from this article published on Bloody Disgusting in 2015 of what he said when asked for his thoughts on this by some fans at comic con.                                       

“You can imagine Freddy to be anything you want,” Englund began. “My theory is the word “child killer”, there’s something darkly…darkly poetic about that. It’s a very frightening phrase. Child killer! That should be enough. And I think there’s something symbolic about being a child killer. He kills children because children are their future and there’s no place for Freddy in the future. And it’s revenge on the parents! It’s the most painful thing a parent can do is to lose a child before they die. I mean, I can’t imagine how anybody…how any adults or parents survive that, the death of a child. So that’s nasty enough!”

I mean that says it all to me. He has been asked on many occasions and I have seen him even refer to the idea of Freddy being a molester as “gilding the lily” basically, it is wholly unnecessary like a hat on a hat. Freddy being a child killer is enough. Wes thought so. Robert thinks so too.

And for me? That is more than enough. I hope this clears up shit for a lot of people.

[cupcraft]

Feel free to completely disagree w me i just want 2 share my thougjts after rewtaching bombshells last night: As much as Cuddy wants to believe that she left House because he couldnt be there for her in the way she wanted to (which is valid but its rlly not what happened imo) She ultimately broke up w him because he relapsed. Forgive my poor memory i may be recalling wrong but the end of the episode vicodin relapse reveal hinted that house had been back on vicodin since before cuddy’s cancer scare, and the moment that Cuddy found out she dropped him. The vicodin was the catalyst in a sense she saw him relapse back into drugs and she was like Nopeee. like it was the longest he’d been sober since he developed the addiction which is a good thing but its like. the expectation that you will relapse at least once. and yeah cuddy had just gotten a big death scare but she had also found out her boyfriend had fallen back into his addiction and instead of allowing them both to comfort eachother on their respective issues she left him liek broo😭😭😭youre dating a known addict and the minute he starts addict-ing you turn away. Also ntm even though cuddy told him outwardly she didnt want him to change, she definitely had inward hope that She could he the one to change him, that he’d love her so much he wiuld change for her and that didnt happen so she quit

No your 100% right and now I'm going to rant about huddy and a missed opportunity for her character's writing.

Cuddy historically has been a character who has understood House's addiction and thus in turn his chronic pain and disability almost the least. She has a repeated history of ableism in the show towards House, but I am going to focus on her lack of understanding around House's addiction and how that ties into why she dumped him and ultimately was a failing on character growth on behalf of the writers.

In season 7 it is implied House has relapsed before the surgery date, and it's implied that he relapsed because of his intense fear of losing Cuddy due to cancer and he loved her and WANTED to be there for her, and in a way this triggered a relapse. In the world of addiction relapse can happen as addiction is a lifelong chronic illness and moments of stress, loss, etc can be a common trigger for relapse. And the fact House wanted to be there for her without panicking, definitely also makes sense why he considered relapsing. Cuddy's problem here, is that she moralizes it. It's understandable she doesn't address her subconscious thoughts on "huh, I wonder if House has relapsed..." because she's actively undergoing a panic of "am I going to die", so it makes sense she doesn't address it until she's finished surgery. But her problem is she MORALIZES this action. Think about what she tells House. She does think House couldn't "be there the way she wanted" and that "he'd never change", but those are the excuses to rationalize how she feels being in a relationship with an addict. She tells House by "being high" he wasn't "REALLY there" for her when she had the surgery/medical scare. Though House might have been pretty high (which is hard to confirm it's never really stated, and House does have a high opiate tolerance to consider), but in the end it doesn't matter if he was. Cuddy thinks House being on Vicodin is in a way subverting his love/care/attention away from her. Instead of seeing the relapse as a concern, as her terminal illness scare, fear of loss of her, wanting to be there for her, she sees it as a means of NOT being there for her. That of course, in the end, House chooses "drugs" over her. Here's a few notable quotes:

Cuddy quite litereally says the pills mean something, as in his addiction is a moral choice in which House chooses to be a careless loveless asshole who is selfish and only cares about himself and in turn cares only about avoiding pain instead of "being there for Cuddy" which is an insane way to look at someone's addiction, and blatantly fucked up. She quite literally dumps him because of this, the relapse, of because he is an addict.

Because the reality is, like I stated, House wasn't afraid Cuddy would hurt him. House isn't afraid to be there for Cuddy. House has also gotten to a point in their relationship by season 7 that he isn't afraid to love Cuddy. He didn't fear experiencing pain, he feared losing her. And he knew, and he WANTED to be there for her in her potentially dying moments because he loved her. And that in turn triggered relapse. Cuddy's interpretation here is that House never changes, but in reality we should see this as Cuddy has never changed. She's never changed since season 1, not understanding how addiction operates.

Early seasons in which Cuddy has a history of the following: Making House go cold turkey and being cruel when he experiences withdrawal instead of intervening to help him, Cuddy telling House his "pain" is just made up in his head and worsened by the Vicodin (not in a medical sense, in a moralizing sense) such that she ignores his bad pain day and tricks him into getting a saline shot and then uses his brief "distraction" from the pain as confirmation it's in his head/drug seeking behavior (again not from a nuanced position of how mental health and chronic pain intersect, instead moralizing it), she doesn't at all ever understand how opiate addiction operates nor how to treat someone's addiction (ie with methadone...foreshadowing for later) and again moralizes his choice to remain on Vicodin (The entire tritter arc), she is ANTI methadone entirely a known medical treatment for opiate addiction enough that instead of recommending House go to a methadone clinic for increased safety and monitoring threatens to fire him unless he agrees to let her control everything about his methadone treatment plan, and etc.

The writer's have posited Cuddy as someone who cares about House, who loves House, but at no point takes a moment to understand his disability, chronic pain, and his addiction. She moralizes it. And when he enters a relationship with her sober just nearly avoiding relapse, she's almost ashamed to be with him. She enters this relationship, ashamed she could be with someone like House. She takes that scene intervening in his relapse as a moral commitment he will prioritize her over drugs, thus entering the relationship without ever really wanting to understand or be compassionate dating someone who has a history of addiction. This is a missed opportunity for her to develop as a character.

Instead, the writing goes as Cuddy doesn't get to change but the narrative wants us to believe it is House who never changed or cared about her enough, because drugs and addicts bad. Which is really fucked considering they took a lot of time making Wilson grow more understanding of addiction. There's that one episode he fears House has relapsed and he says "relapse is common!" ready to help him and when he relapses after the breakup he recommends House get help instead of moralizing it. He even yells at Cuddy for leaving him, not just as a partner but as a friend.

Sorry this is long but I hope...this makes sense

[ircn-dad]

Hello!! I was wonder what you think about NWH? If you have seen it. Have a nice day.

hi! thank you for the question!

i hope I'll not get a lot of hate for this, but I'm not really a big fan of that movie. I wouldn't say it's the worst movie marvel has ever made, but it's not the masterpiece everyone says.

I don't have a lot to say about the plot. It's simple and not sophisticated, there are some plot holes but honestly they are present in every marvel movie . One thing I didn't understand is why Peter and Strange didn't talk APPROPRIATELY before the spell. You're telling me that Strange, a man who is a lot conscious and always careful with every plan he makes, didn't even bothered to ask Peter "hey do you want everyone to forget who you are or you want your friends to remember it?". Strange isn't a fool, I can't believe he didn't think about it before making that spell. Or maybe, he didn't even tried to convince him to do something else or make another plan. But okay, they needed a plot and even if it's poor I can go for it.

What I cannot go for it is the fact that nostalgia carried this movie. Without Andrew and Tobey, this movie would be nothing. Marvel does a lot of this lately: they make movies/shows and they make cameos to make people watch it because you know that fans will love every second of it and will concentrate only on the cameos, not the plot. That's not how you write movies. You cannot treat your fans like this, you just want to make your bag full of money and don't care about the plot or the characters.

Yes, the characters.

Honestly May's death was...rushed. We didn't see Uncle Ben in the MCU, but we know that he was there and that Peter became spiderman because of him. So what was the point in May's death? To hear the famous "with great powers comes great responsibilities" quote? We didn't need that because we already knew that Peter felt a lot of responsibility on his shoulder. We knew it from civil war, where he said to Tony that he has to do something because If he didn't help anyone with the powers he had, it would be his fault if bad things happened; We also knew it after Tony's death. Peter lived with the constant feeling that he had to be like Tony, while blaming himself for his mentor's death. What was the sense to make May say it? He already knew he had a lot of responsibility.

Another thing I want to say is how they treated Tony. In Far from home we see Peter grieving him through all the movie, he misses his father figure and now he has to live without him. Idk how Marvel thinks grief works, but nwh Peter and ffh Peter are not the same person. I can't believe he didn't mentioned him not either once. They completely erased Tony's influence in Peter's life and I'm like...what? Marvel took the little kids on twitter pressed about Tony too seriously.

And what can I say about the end... it sucked. No, i don't feel happy seeing Peter swinging though new york knowing he now has no one.

I can't see this as a new start because this is not the Moment Peter became spiderman.

Peter was already spiderman, homecoming proved that when we saw Peter learning he didn't need the suit to be a hero. He lost Ben, he blamed him self for that, he already felt the pain every other spidermen felt. There was no point in Peter losing everyone so that he could understand what being Spiderman means, because he already knew.

(IMO the spell doesn't make sense... why strange didn't go with the original spell? If he made everyone forget about Spiderman, the villains from other universes wouldn't come neither. In this movie Strange was literally dumb to agree with every nonsense plan of Peter)

I don't have a lot else to say, because I refuse to watch this movie ever again. They ruined Peter's character, and if what I heard from Spiderman 4 rumours is true... then they will have ruined him even more: They want Gwen to be the new love interest of Peter, but that doesn't make any sense. Peter decided to not tell the truth to MJ because he didn't wanted to Risk her life again, BUT he's willing to risk another life all over again? No i cannot accept that.

MCU really said fuck off and decided to bet everything on the cameos

[polvillodecanela]

For later - Something something Hob can see the dead something something.

Like all stories, this one started with a garden. But it wasn't the first garden ever or a garden in a nice house in Tadfield. This story begins with a garden in a now demolished house, in Varsovia.

The year is 1939, Dream of the Endless has been imprisoned for all the first great war and the pandemic that went after it. Death of the Endless has had the most busy time since the Roman wars and, let's face it, she's awfully overworked. That's why Destiny of the Endless managed to pull that especific scenario out of his book to reality.

Captain Howard (Hob) Gallen, medical soldier, actual inmortal, flies up the air as one of the bombs destroys what little left of said garden. He knows he won't die, it will hurt of course but he will heal. The ones with him though?

He falls right on his ass, wincing. A leg is broken, maybe some ribs, definitely his shoulder is dislocated. his head is a mess of scrambled brains, but he is concious and that is a blessing. beside him, a poor corporate falls on his back, Hob hears the breaking of bones, spinal bones. This lad is over. maybe the head too but Hob has some ringing in his ears from the explotion.

He crawls the few centimeters and tries to hold the poor lad's hand.

"Hey, John, buddy", he says trying for a smile "Hey, you are alright, yu hear me? I'll help you out"

"Sir", the poor fellow almost whines, there's a whistle in his breathing. Bad signal. "Sir, please, I don't want to die."

"Me neither, son, we got this. Please resist for me, yeah? be a good buddy and resist for me"

Hob knows is futile. But he is obsessed with living and that includes all the people surrounding him. Hknows in his heart of hearts that the lad is going to die. maybe he is already halfway.

"Sir, I know. I am not going to make it. I need a favor of you, sir"

"Whatever you want, son"

The lad takes a photo of his pocket. A beautiful lady, a fragile sweet thing made of lithe bones and wavy hair.

"She is Esme. We were going to marry. I want you to tell her... that I was no coward"

"She will know, son. You fought bravely"

Hob has just enough time to mutter his promise before he felt another impact. He felt his body coming apart and how one of his legs just ... disapeared. he wont die but, God, sometimes he wish he did.

Death of the Endless wasn't far but in someting that could only be described as "being so overworked you can't literally see" she doesn't feel the tug of Poor John's soul, calling for her. She keeps collecting, smiling kindly, offering comfort. She keeps doing whatever she can. She is tired and Destiny is almost smiling.

Captain Howard Gallen wakes up two weeks later on a Military Hospital. He has his leg back and all his cuts, if painful, are almost healed. He survived. He, also, is watching poor John standing by the foot of his bed. He looks angry but also hopeful.

The sound hob makes is so undignified that it doesnt deserve quoting here, understandable as it is since John looks exactly how someone would look if they were reached by two - not one -bombs and survived.

"You are awake finally! quick, I feel a pull that is eating me. Off to Esme we go"

And, honestly, he is way past his 600 years, he must know some thing or two about the supernatural. This still takes him by surprise.

[ffxivlilmeowmeow]

Make a playlist of 5-10 songs for your OC/WoL (for flavor, make a aesthetic collage for the playlist cover)

Thank you for the ask!

So I went one step further then the prompt because some songs, looking at you SPG, I feel would look random without an explanation for why I chose them, plus I added a relevant/favourite quotes from the song because I could 😊

I feel like this is also outing my ever so random music taste lmao

If you click the collage it will take you to an actual playlist of the songs too! Below the read more is the song explanations~💕

What We Need Are Some Heroes - SPG

"You know brighter day is just around the bend. What we need are some heroes, with wills of iron, their hearts in the stars through the darkest of days"

I feel like say this too much but Meow isn't the canonical WOL so he isn't a hero. So this feels very much what he would be thinking when Titania becomes a light warden and hope all seems lost, what we need are some heroes.

Moonchild - RM (BTS)

"That's how it's supposed to be, yeah, all this pain and all these sorrows that's our destiny, see?" "Moonchild, don't cry. When moon rise, it's your time."

This song is all about surviving hardships by looking at the moon and finding comfort in the darkness which I feel is very much what Meow would be doing once the night comes back to the first. Also he is a moon cat so he is literally a moonchild!

Please Explain - SPG

"Please explain, What to do if the point is moot? What's a moot anyway??" "Guess we need some good-old-fashioned explaining, please explain it to me"

Meow doesn't know very much from living the first half of his life with the pixies so I feel like this would be very common thing he would ask Uranger, once he gets to Il Mheg, and even more so when he finally arrives in the Crystarium. Please ignore how robot themed it is, it fits so well apart from that lmao

Burnin' Love - Wynonna Judd

"'Cause your kisses lift me higher, like a sweet song of a choir and you light my morning sky with burning love"

Perfect song for his burning love for his husband Moren 💕

Sweet Hibiscus Tea - Penelope Scott

"And I'm not your protagonist, I'm not even my own. I don't know anything, I don't even know what I don't know"

I feel like that quote from the song covers it to be honest. Meow sometimes feels not in control of his life as he's not strong enough to be a hero for anyone even in his own life. He doesn't understand much of the world which, at least at first, would make him feel like a hindrance.

Filter - Jimin (BTS)

"Mix the colours in the palette, pick your filter, which kind of me do you want?"

This was honestly the first song I ever linked to Meow in my brain. Just Meow trying to show off all the different sides of himself to pick the one someone would like best.

Me & My Baby (Saturday Night) - SPG

"With The dancing and the singing, like the weekdays never happened. I could be, I should be, dancing right now!"

Meow absolutely loves dancing, I can just imagine him asking Moren on a date to go dancing to forget the worries of the week!

Sex Sells - Lovejoy

Bruh when the singer is revealed to be an abuser legit the day after putting this song for this ask prompt 😠 fuck you Wilbur Soot.

Permission to dance - BTS

"I wanna dance, the music's got me going, ain't nothing that can stop how we move"

I feel like this is how Meow would try to deal with sad emotions, he would try to do something fun and enjoy himself instead, nothing good would come out of just wallowing in his sorrows. He enjoys dancing so I could see this as how he cheers himself up, he doesn't need permission to dance! :)

It's Not A Game, It's Just A Ride - Ride the Cyclone

"This ride, it has heartbreak. This ride, it has pain. All kinds of blue skies, no shortage of rain, yes there is laughter and the telling of lies and maybe in darkness we open our eyes" "And the world will keep on spinning, with no ending or beginning so just take a look around"

Is it cheating to choose a closing musical song for my last song on the playlist? Maybe a little but I feel this song just fits a lot. Life is not a game, its a ride, you don't need to measure yourself against others. I feel like Meow learns that lesson eventually and just enjoys his simple life without measuring it against others.

[crowning-art]

TGCF SPOILERS HAHAHAHA :(

So.

Yesterday was a day.

What happened post reading;

Shut my laptop, and started scrolling through tumblr. Its been 30 mins but I haven't liked or reblogged anything. I'm just scrolling and scrolling and my mind is absolutely blank. Nothing is registering. (Denial)

After I while I turn off my phone too and just sat.

My sister asks me if I'm ok. I respond, "Ya, of course, why wouldn't I be?" She gives me a look, "You're crying."

I'm obviously shocked cuz I didn't even register I was crying and I'm like NO lol I'm not crying What are you talking about?? (Anger) Except now I'm full on crying (depression) but it was so weird cuz my eyes were crying but I was laughing SO HARD, like I couldn't stop laughing, and I'm like wtff??? THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING FUNNY???? and so to distract myself, I searched up why in the absolute hell was I laughing so hard when my heart was literally squeezing in pain cuz like THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE?? (Bargaining)

Anyways, I found smt interesting; an article that discussed a study done on opposing emotions, why people say "Aww it's so cute, I want to squeeze it sooo hard', or start laughing when they are nervous, or laugh while crying, and it was really cool what they said;

"If you get into a very high or very low emotion that you're almost to the point of being overwhelmed, you become incapacitated so you can't function well,” Aragón tells me. “Emotional homeostasis is important for people so they can be in control of their cognitive, social, and psychological functions."

In other words, people may laugh when they’re nervous in order to moderate their nervous feelings; likewise, people may cry when they’re happy to recover from distracting giddiness."

Def an eye opener for me cuz I'm just not a crying type of person and I was literally so confused lol But I didn't know this was thing til yesterday so I was likke ohh I should share this!

Anyways, I'm going to be make this post reflect EXACTLY how I felt yesterday lmaooo (acceptance)

-----------------------------------------------------------------

You know that feeling of dread? That looming, heavy weight that you feel on your shoulders as you watch and you watch and you know what's going to happen and as each scene unfolds, it starts making sense and that dread turns into down right horror and all you can do is helplessly watch....

Am I talking about me or Hua Cheng???? Perhaps both :(

I think that anxiousness had started building up when Mu Qing left and I felt so angry but it's like how can you blame him? But the absolute respect I got for this funky lil dude when he comes back with bags of rice and money and I'm I LOVE YOUUU SO MUCHHH YOU DON'T DESERVE THIS AHHH I LOVE YOUUUU

(You too, Feng Xin efbfjefjn I literally want to shrink them and put them in my pocket and protect them from the evil, mean, scary world)

ok...now for the actual stuff......

What absolutely fascinates me is that I have come across so many villains from innumerable books, shows, and movies and I have seen stupid villains, pitiable villains, and down-right psycho ones too, but something about White No-Face hits different.

This is a villain that is truly terrifying. A villian that truly understands what it means to destroy someone. And no, it's not about killing their loved ones, it's not about physical torture, it's about breaking the person inside out. It's about ripping their soul out and gently putting it back, only for them to rip it out with even more viciousness. It's about taking away the one thing that keeps anyone alive...hope. I'm reminded of an arabic proverb that I heard once and really stuck with me;

What is worse than death is that which makes you wish for death.

I think every painful moment in TGCF just embodies this quote so well; when Xianle falls, when Windmaster is confronted with the truth, and now the temple scene and it literally hurts so much to read it and it's so lovely and beautiful how MXTX writes scenes that make you FEEL exactly what the people you are reading about feel.

Like yes Xie Lian was screaming 'It hurts' but I can guarantee that EVERY reader also felt the same as they read that part.

And what makes White No Face terrifying is that he KNOWS his subject, knows him so well, that he first takes away what's beloved to him, which is his kingdom, then his godhood, then his friends, and the final straw? His parents. He breaks him and breaks til there is nothing left to break and then rebuolds it just enough to break it again. He takes away his sanity so agonizingly slowly and you just want to scream as you just watch the descent into hell occur...

Could it be that Feng Xin couldn’t see the mask on his face in the mirror at all?!

Xie Lian blurted, “You don’t see it? There’s something on my face!”

Feng Xin was puzzled. “What thing? What exactly do you mean? I don’t see anything?” Xie Lian looked at the mirror again. “That’s impossible! I…”

However, when he looked again this time, the mask on his face in the mirror had disappeared, and what reflected was that panicking face of his.

And what's crazy is that yes, White NO Face wears the mask of half laughing, half crying, but Xie Lian EMBODIES that. He is always in a state of laughing and crying simultaneously. And it just shows how broken he is.

But you know what's insane???? Xie Lian has never ONCE felt like this with Hua Cheng! It's like somehow, he is suddenly in control of his emotions and feels true sadness, true happiness and not this broken confused mixture of laughing and crying, yknow?

And the comfort he gives him? Xie Lian actually felt comforted by this monster, completely. He actually felt calm and I'm like how incredibly sick and terrifying of a person to destroy someone and then provide them with such a comfort that feels real only to shatter it the next second.

And God, oh God! My heart was dying watching a small, inanimate ball of fire express SO much fear and sadness and agony.

From deep in Xie Lian’s throat there came waves of suppressed sobs, shaking harder and harder. That ball of ghost fire flew to his heart, looking as if it wanted to warm him, but it wasn’t confident that it could help chase away the cold, so it didn’t press close

and this part

A ball of ghost fire flew to his side and moved up and down, like it was nodding in agreement. However, wicked wisps like it were all around, so Xie Lian didn’t notice this particular one.

And my god, the absolute twisted mind of White No Face, like 'YEs Your Highness, YOU said it yourself "I want to save the common people!" So here! Save them!" And it's so goddamn twisted and sick and ridiculous but like how do you argue with that when you YOURSELF proclaimed that proudly?

Watching the struggle unfold, White No-Face mocked, “The common people are here, waiting for you to save them. Please, go ahead.”

And what's worse? Xie Lian is watching people destory his temples, spit on his statues, and here, in one of the last remaining temples of the crown prince, he is on top of an alter, and he is being looked up to and you can HEAR the mocking tone of White No Face like you want to be worshipped? Here, have all these people bow to you! And he is getting that, and it's so sick and horrific;

As they tried to atone for their actions wearing ashen expressions, they bowed many times in front of Xie Lian before returning to the crowd with their child. With thick layers of blood clogging up his throat, Xie Lian was about to throw up until he heard White No-Face snicker beside him.

And just when you think that it couldn't get worse, I could feel the ear-piercing scream that Hua Cheng lets out and I think that was truly the moment when my heart completely shattered.

He couldn’t hear his own heartbreaking scream, but instead, he heard the sound of another heart-wrenching wail, and it seemed as if it came from that ring of flames. Although it didn’t come from him, the pain that he could hear was the same as his, as if he was the one that had made that sound.

This was the birth of a malicious creature, the signs of a Savage ghost taking form!

and I think this scene just shook me most to the core because it put EVERYTHING into perspective, the fear of rejection that Hua Cheng has, the overprotective nature, the way he doesn't spare a glance towards Fengqing, it all makes sense because he has been through HELL and watched beloved go through worse than hell.

He died that day with Xie Lian despite going through a rebirth.

And the literal shivers of rewatching the donghua scene, when he first meets Xie Lian where he is dressed as a bride and his hand reaches out confidently, hesitantly and it's the first time in a long time he is able to be face to face with him and he's looking at him and he's just thinking that from now on, you will never know what pain is. I will never let that happen. and you BELIEVE him and Xie Lian BELIEVED him even though he doesn't believe in anyone anymore...not even himself.

Like all the cute scenes? the gambler's den, the confession, the way Hua Cheng lay beside Xie Lian he reaches out to him but sees the shackles and hesitates, the way they both set up Puqi shrine,

just everything

everything

everything

it's so much.

You just can't see them in the same way anymore. Like I really looked at it from surface level, but there was so much behind every action; every atomic shift in their movements towards one another is accompanied by colossal weight and suffering of the past.

Oh boi, this scene too, like no words. It felt like the world stood still in this moment...

Some kind of power forced him to his feet and he stumbled out to look. He walked for a long time before he finally realized those were the sounds of celebrating the newly-built Imperial Palace, after Yong'an was established as a new kingdom and the royal capital was moved. Even the heavens were celebrating! All the once-citizens of Xianle were now cheering for Yong'an. On the main street, everyone’s faces bore such bright smiles; so familiar. Xie Lian remembered. This was also how the people at the Xianle imperial capital cheered during the Shangyuan Heavenly Ceremonial Procession.

and right by his feet lay the corpses of the King and Queen of Xianle...his parents....his dearest.

Boi deserves to go a little ape-shit but also, isn't that giving in to what White No Face wanted?

The expression on his face was like crying but laughing, like joy and sadness mixed together, and he slowly rose to his feet alongside the wall.

And he KNOWS what he's doing? He wanted Xie Lian on his side? He got him! He goddamn this absolute MONSTER UGHHHHH HE GOT HIM!! WHAT MORE DOES HE FREAKING WNT AAAAHHHHH

But I must say, I can't hate White No Face, because from a literary standpoint, he is such a wonderfully written villain. One of my all time faves just because of how well he was written. Again, just the whole book is so perfect and well-executed beyond a shadow of a doubt.

So ya!

It was ALOT to take in and I just had to let it all out.

[onlyswan]

hi art! i wanted to tell you that i am a silent reader, and i am a huge fan of the in which drabbles! i started reading since 'in which jk gives you a concussion' and i've reading them all since then! i literally drop anything I’m doing whenever you post a newer one jsdjs!

and i have lots of faves, but one i go back to very often is 'in which cruel fate leads you and jk to bright places' there's just something in it that i just love so much, is it intimacy? just so much love between oc and jk? how caring and loving they are towards eachother? see, I don’t know what it is, but i want to experience a love like that someday fr. I also love 'in which you get your period and jk just wants to be with you' i relate to oc on this one, and how i wished i had a in which jk in my life in those painful moments sjdsjdsjdj. I just love the in which couple so much, like they are !!!!!!!!!!!!! so so !!!!!!!!!!!!! cute !!!!!!!!!!!!!

i truly love how you write, is very refreshing and very very poetic, you have such a beautiful way of explaining things that i just never get tired of, and just every sentence is full of warmth, and like at this point i have way to many fav quotes from you. tbh, thank you for letting us read such beautiful pieces for free:')

i read that you wanted to take a break? idk if you will, but you do what you feel its necessary for you:') and hope that you feel better ❤️‍🩹anyway, i wish you all the best always bc you give me such a nice vibe and you seem like such a kind and amazing person🥺and you’re very funny too and i love how you react to anything jungkook does bc that's a mood, he's just as amazing as you are! :)

hope you have a nice weekend! a nice rest of the month art! 🥺🤲💖

oh wow hello beloved 😭🤍 this was such a pleasant surprise in my inbox :") AND if i’m not mistaken that’s literally the first in which drabble????? that’s so crazy oh my god thank you soooo much for reading my works all this time i can’t comprehend it 😭

AND AHHSJJDDJ I LOVE LEARNING YOUR FAV ONES !! that drabble fills me with nostalgia that’s why it’s so freaking special to me <3 you have no idea i’m so happy to know it is often visited by you 🥺 ah yes and the first period drabble 🫶🏼 i know it’s been done a lot so i wasn’t sure if y’all would enjoy it 🥺 hopefully it’s able to provide you some warmth during those hellish days

this is one of the sweetest messages i’ve ever received thank you thank you thank you 💜💜💜 writing has kept me sane for years and i’m happy to have a space where i can freely share bits and pieces of myself <3

life just gets more exhausting as i grow older :( i think i’ll just be posting less frequently from now on! thank you for understanding and sending kind wishes 🥺 i wish life treats you with kindness always and you have a wonderful festa :P OMGSJSHDD MY HUMOR IS BROKEN BUT THANK U 😭 jungkook makes me lose any sort of composure…

[teyamsatan]

(1/2) i just finished ocean and engines and 👁️👁️ i am typing this with snot running down my nose and tears in my eyes i think this is the most ive cried over a fic that was so heartbreaking and beautiful oh my god im in PAIN (just what i needed to ignore the actual pain in my real life) woman you are literally crazy fkdkfkfkfkkfkfj i don’t even know how you came up with that im still trying to process but the quotes ??? the inner dialogue ??? all so raw and beautiful just beautiful i fucking sobbed at max’s quote about grief 😭 AND NETEYAM MATING SOMEONE ELSE????? I CANT TAKE IT MY HEART ACTUALLY FELT SAD AT THE ENDING i was not expecting that AT ALL im gonna spend the rest of the night cryijg actually i love this so much but i don’t think i can read it again … just kidding I CAN read it again but not for a while this feels like fresh wound and i just got off my period so im more sensitive

OFKDKFKD 2 part of my ask is coming after i read the alternative version

BABY your asks/replies/messages mean so much to me I wish I had a better way of telling you just how much, but pls know you are a very big reason why I am still writing and still working so hard to improve myself and make something (hopefully) better each time :( you've been w me since the beginning and have always been so supportive and I LOVE YOU OMGG

i'm so happy you enjoyed it, and I'm sorry if it hurt you, it hurt me too, i literally bawled my eyes out for days writing this, i don't actually think i cried more even at the archer, there's just something so heartbreaking about two people who love each other and can't be together and i hope i captured that to some extent.

i hope it was an ending that looked up, though, my intention was to show that life does go on, and she did get a lot of what she wanted and can now finally be one of the people and feel "useful" and like she belongs.

also you have to blame the ending on the song, which i am obsessed with, bc initially it was going to be after happiness by taylor swift, and it was going to be still probably just as sad, but it would have had a different tone to it, for sure

tysm again and ily and i hope it didn't hurt too badly, and i understand if you don't want to read it again lol hahahah

[kpophubb]

Hi lovely ☀ I'm so happy to hear from you, this week I was literally checking your Tumblr five times per day with my tags. I miss you so much and this week I also needed you so much, but it's okay💛 I'm so sad that you are sick😿😿 I thought you recovered but you mentioned that you don't feel good and I'm just so sad about this(((

Honestly this week I have my period, and I have to take 💊 every single day because it's just so painful 😔so I think we could have some sick party together😹

I had an exam last week which I failed, but I was so confident but I failed and my manager was so stressful and is pressuring me so much😮‍💨🤕🥴

How were your weekends? Today is Sunday and I just don't feel anything ...tomorrow I have to start work again and it's not tomorrow even it's like in 6 hours(((

Today I talked to my grandma and the second time during this 10 months and she's not doing good and mental health is bad she's pretty messed up 😣😭I'm watching this one movie now and it just reminds me of some Horrors that have been through and how lucky I am to actually Escape. ironically the movie is called No Escape. The movie is so well done tho 😭😭💔😢🥺

I Never thought these things would ever happen to me.. or would ever happen in my reality 😔😔I am just so shocked that this happened and they're still consequences and I just don't want to be a part of this you know❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹💔 I wish all of this was just a nightmare and I wake up tomorrow and everything is like before

I actually wanted to send you a short message just wish you could have happy Monday and better week 😭😢🥺🥺🥺💛💛

Stay strong baby I am just so thankful that you exist thank you for all the love you give me💛

Thank you for hyunnies gifs and quotes 🤗💗 I miss you so badly

You probably have no idea and will never understand the way you helped me during this sickness period of my life😔❤️‍🩹💗 thank you so much for saving your hyunnie lixie. Please get well soon

🐁

Hi hi hi my love 🥺🤍 tumblr has been mean to me with my other asks since they crash when I make em too long (?) and can’t be edited later so here we go!😭 keeping it short but ilysm 💗 and value every little bit u say ~

First of all don’t worry about me, I’m doing better now altho I skipped my medication yesterday bc I thought I got better but apparently it made my sickness worse and took away my good night’s sleep 💔 but anyway I’m mentally active now..how are you feeling baby?:( is your period pain GONE?? I’m so sorry for being ia I’m here now promise ☀️💛🫂

The movie seems so strong..and really pain invoking and lesson learning is it on Netflix? If so, I’d love to watch while trying to understand you..

Aah it’s getting hectic for you I can say :( no sleep and so much work 😭 but I really hope smh u get a break soon and can rest as much as you need anonie. <3

I can understand about the whole nightmare part. Altho I have not been in such an intense situation like you (that’s why I give it to u always that you’re super strong bc you are my love) but I have had super dark times too and I can relate to that part where I’d be terrified and cry myself to sleep everyday and beg whatever deity was listening to make it better tomorrow and make it all vanish..but everyday I woke up and nothing changed and that made me feel devastated and made me feel like I was better off gone 💔

but I sincerely hope like me a time comes in your life where everyday would feel as good as a dream where you keep wishing you never wake up from the happiness..💖 the things of the past will never really leave u and even tho the shackles are gone someday and you’re free to walk forward, the scary marks will still be there to your feet. But look baby, slowly you’re healing even if it’s at a micro pace, getting a job, connecting w your family member (grandma) and slowly getting up even tho the suffocating feeling still haunts u, it’s slowly leading to a betterment. Like this, I’m sure you will walk towards light, love and happiness soon. Just faith it till u make it okay??

exams Are shitty..and it’s so disappointing to fail after giving your best it’s like realising your best never amounted to anything but hey love remember what I told u? “Human beings are filled w crazy potential even if you feel like u gave your best today you could still wake up tomorrow and try harder.” So keep your chin high, take a deep breath and try hard again. 💘 every success comes with ten failures, remember that.

and lastly I’ll always be here to save u and pull you up just like lixie does for hyunjin. It’s a promise, not a fancy statement. And I keep my words always. I love you sm and I couldn’t add the last quote bc that post isn’t working anymore but it was..

“The world doesn’t matter. YOU matter. 💛☀️..”♡♡

[tinatribeca]

Life Update 1/14/24

12:50am.

First and foremost I'd like to thank God. I made it into another year. I'm listening to a worship instrumental right now that has several quotes from the book of Psalms. I haven't been on here in a while, maybe I haven't been as inspired to sit down and talk about my life.

Maybe today is different.

One of my closest friends is moving to San Diego. I was hit with a sudden feeling of sadness. Loss. I nearly cried when I found out the news. I literally texted her the words "This is shit..." Followed by a bunch of turd emojis. I know our relationship will change... No more planned brunches or late nights out. I wish her happiness nonetheless. We have so many memories together. She was a great addition to my life but I know she'll be happier there. Permanently happier? I don't know.

My father had a brain biopsy for a tumor in his brain. Not cancerous but it's still scary. He's in recovery. I can't say he's the same man I remember which is scary. I'm afraid he'll disappear on me. I'm not ready to lose him but I'm afraid.

No one knows about his condition other than my mom and whomever he has decided to tell.

I wish we had more time. He's apologized many times for not being around when I was a kid, a delayed start to our relationship due to incarceration.

I'll always wish we had more time. I'll never have those moments on the swing, the walks to school, any of those moments most children have. Sometimes I wonder if he'll even be around for my future.

I hope he can be. It's hard to see him suffering, in pain, not himself... not the happier version of him.

I met my father for the first time when I was about 8 or 9 years old. I say that because he was placed in the prison system when I was a toddler and I was too young to remember him. But I remember the first time I saw him. I was living in the red hook projects. He walked in looking the size of a giant and I was the happiest I could be. In walks the man I had been wondering about for years.

I have many pictures of my childhood, some of them without him. I tossed the ones of me visiting him in jail. Straight to the garbage. He's so much more than his past. Those pictures are a reminder of all the times he wasn't around. All the times he was away.

I'll always wish we had more time.

I wonder sometimes if thats why I either fall too easily or not at all. Abandonment wounds that have healed but come back in different forms. To be left and returned to is a different type of pain. To rebuild and regain is a different type of healing.

I don't expect many to understand.

I adopted a kitten. Oliver.

He has been in my apartment for a few months now. He's spoiled rotten. I got his name from the movie Oliver and company. A movie about a homeless street cat. I like to believe he has the same edge.

I'm still single, not much has changed. I wonder sometimes if I'm the problem. If maybe the many months/years in therapy weren't enough to fix me. Maybe there's something about me that I'm just not aware of. Maybe I'm broken.

Maybe I'm a different type of lover and my person has some work to do before we cross paths...

I pray for love often. Truth is, I now understand the true meaning of loss. Loss of love and being grateful for those long term relationships when you have them. I realize now that when I did have love I should have probably held on a little tighter, fought a little harder, cherished a bit better... Although it may have not been meant to be it still should have been felt a little deeper because:

Who really knows when I will find romantic love again.

[j0kers-light]

Hey light👋🏽 what if reader had DID (Dissociated identity disorder) how would joker react?

I also had a thought of a one shot about joker and reader about to get it on and his crew watching on the cameras but they get caught and pays the price with their life😈

Hey hi anon!!! 🖤✨

Is Light my new nickname?! I feel honored! 🥹 I love it!! I decided to split your request in half! This post will contain DID reader and I’ll repost with the camera oneshot request once I’m done. 😈

I got a little- 4K and I’m not done- carried away with it so it’s taking longer than expected. This’ll be the last request I post for a minute so I can focus squarely on the HL chapter update. I hope you enjoy!!

First? Let’s unpack; it’s already common knowledge that Y/n has trauma so this fits perfectly with her situation. I did my research via APA and The Mayo Clinic.

Side note: I feel like such a loser searching for articles and understanding the assignment before I write a oneshot or head canon but moving on!! 🃏

You are innately aware that you suffer from DID. You don’t like the other version of yourself that protects you. That old Y/n died a long time ago.

Quoting directly from the Psychiatry.org article here, “During a traumatic experience such as an… crime victimization, dissociation can help a person tolerate what might otherwise be too difficult to bear. In situations like these, a person may dissociate the memory of the place, circumstances or feelings about the overwhelming event, mentally escaping from the fear, pain and horror. This may make it difficult to later remember the details of the experience, as reported by many disaster and accident survivors.”

That is Y/n to the letter. You want to forget so bad that you, quite literally, do. You enter a state of depersonalization and check out until your mind deems it safe to return. All you’re left with after an episode is a splitting headache. You can’t control it and unfortunately there is no cure. It's a blessing and both a curse you mentally have to bear.

Joker didn’t understand why you would randomly space out during the day or forget things so easily. At first he thought you were just an airhead until he started noticing the signs and triggers of when you’d space out.

You checked out the rare times he raised his voice at you or when he became too rough during sex.

You scared him one time when he was deep in a scene and literally turned into a doll. He called out your name, pinched your nipple, J hates to admit it— but he even slapped you across the face but you were gone. He pulled out and panicked until you blinked so much he thought there was something wrong with your eyes.

Someone… else returned, not his Light. This Y/n was way too bubbly and outgoing– not that you weren’t on a normal day but the first indicator that something was wrong was when you looked him dead in the eye and said..

“Who are you?”

Joker was glad you were finally responsive but hearing you utter that one sentence had him softening instantly. He was no longer in the mood and discreetly tucked himself back into his pants before he checked on you.

“What? Y/n, are you… uhh.. okay?”

You just stared at him oddly. “Who’s Y/n?”

Were you pulling his leg or something? Joker leaned back when you sat up and clutched the sheets to your naked form. Your eyes roamed around the room, taking everything in.

“Woah. Nice place. What kinda job you got to pull a swanky place like dis?” Your Blüdhaven accent was out front and center. He was definitely concerned now.

Joker touched your shoulder to get your attention. “This is your apartment.”

“Yeah, you tweakin’ cuz my flat is smaller than this entire room and I definitely don’t have that view!” You pointed at the floor to ceiling windows overlooking Grant Park. “I’d kill for a place like this. Where are we anyways? That ain’t a Blüd skyline, that’s for sure.”

You tossed the covers back and stretched before finding some clothes on the floor.

They weren’t anything you owned and definitely wouldn’t buy involuntarily, but sure enough– they were your size.

You were shimmying into the designer jeans when the guy behind you spoke up.

“This isn’t funny, Y/n. Stop playing games.”

You snapped your bra closed with an unfamiliar ease. Since when did you buy designer lace? Could you even afford something like this?

You could barely sound out the brand’s name.

“I will when you stop calling me that. I know we’re just hooking up but seriously. At least take time to remember the person you’re f__king. It’s proper etiquette.”

Joker was this close to losing it.

“Your name… is Y/n L/n so I'm gonna call you Y/n. You live here in this penthouse in Gotham City. You’re an author and if this is one of your ways of uhh.. method writing, it ain’t cute, Bunny.”

Joker got up and stood before you. He looked down into your e/c eyes even as you threw on a shirt. You rubbed the fabric as if you couldn’t believe the thread count.

So soft. How could you afford this on your salary?

“See now I know you smoking dick. Me? A writer? I gave that up in highschool. I work at a bookstore on Dreyer St. Anyways. I guess the sex was good? I honestly can’t remember but I’ll see myself out.” You shot Joker finger guns and was about to leave when he grabbed your wrist.

Joker wasn’t one to admit his feelings aloud but he knew something was wrong here and decided to speak up.

“You’re scaring me, Y/n. You.. if I hurt you just say that. I.. There’s no need to do all of this. Was I too rough, Light?”

You yanked your wrist back to hold your head.

Intense pressure pounded away at your brain after hearing such an endearing pet name. Why did it sound so familiar?

Joker noticed your grimace and doted on you.

“WhaT? Is it your head? Lemme see..”

You smacked his hand and backed away towards the door. “Look, I get it, you're tryna be nice after I ruined the mood but I’m fine. Just.. I gotta.. go. Thanks umm?” You stopped when you couldn’t place his name. “Well pot kettle black. I forgot your name too, hehe.”

Joker was speechless. Something was definitely wrong with you. He backed you into the wall and held your wrists up above your head. Even when you gasped and fought his hold, he didn’t waver.

“Y/n. Do ya not remember me? Us?”

If you didn’t, he would completely lose it. There was no purpose in this boring life if his Light didn’t remember him.

“Stop calling me that! My name isn’t Y/n!”

Joker raised his voice in irritation.

“Then whaT is it? Huh? Who are ya because the way you’re acting, you’re not my Light! She wouldn’t joke around and hurt my feelings like this. Not after all we’ve been through. I made sure my name is ingrained in your head. You sigh it in your sleep, you say it when you first wake up, and you moan it when I give it to ya good. So stop joking around doll and say my name!”

Joker crowded your space and demanded the impossible from you. You wracked your brain trying to think of something but all you had were crickets. You didn’t know this guy at all.

“Why I always pick the weirdest one night stands..” you sighed.

Joker blinked in shock. Did he have to spell it out for you? Was this some sort of weird mind altering sex headspace? How could you suddenly not remember the best four months of your life?!

“You think…. Oh my Light you are cruel. We are together. We lo… like each other! There is no one else when you complete me! You’re my Light! My bunny.. My everything and—”

“STOP! IT!” You screamed. Joker didn’t expect you to match his tone.

“I get it! You want to be with me but ion know you like dat! I regret having sex with you actually. Now it's been real.. but you’re giving off mad serial killer vibes. Sorry about this.”

You kneed Joker in the balls and ran out the bedroom.

He licked his scars and chuckled. It hurt but he endured much worse over the years.

It would take more than that to bring him down. You only managed to piss him off. Joker followed your retreat out to the main common’s area.

You were looking around in awe.

Everything seemed so familiar but foreign– it made your head hurt so bad. You leaned onto a decorative table, cradling your head. “God it hurts.”

“Y/n!” Joker shouted. Why couldn’t this man just leave you alone?! Your name wasn’t Y/n.

Right?

But what was your name? Trying to think about something so simple made your head hurt worse. Joker was about to help you upright but you swatted him away.

“STOP CALLING ME THAT! I DON'T KNOW..”

Joker realized whatever delusion you were under, you weren’t coming out of it by yourself. Joker knew you had mental health issues (everyone does) but today was to a degree that he had never seen before.

It reminded him of a split personality disorder but his Light wasn’t crazy! You were smart and educated and knew big words found in dictionaries by heart!

Something else was at play here; he just didn’t know what. Joker had no other choice but to snap you out of this for now and then ask you about it later.

“This isn’t you!” He held you close but you broke free somehow and bit his hand. “The f__k? Really, Y/n?” He yelled.

You fought back even more and during the struggle, you lost your footing and fell.

Joker’s heart stopped when he failed to catch you in time. You hit your head on the way down and groaned as you slipped unconscious.

His entire world stopped spinning.

He froze and sank to the floor, at a loss on what to do. A mantra of ‘please wake up’ spilled from his lips as he waited for you to come to. It took too long.

Only after he saw your eyes fluttered open did he breathe a sigh of relief. You were okay, but what version of you would it be present this time?

“Owww my head hurts..” You rubbed at the sore spot but gasped when Joker snatched you up into a firm hug. You sounded normal so he took the chance.

“J? What’s going on? Why are we on the floor and why are you half naked?”

He didn’t know what to say. He just began kissing you all over to perish the thought. You let Joker be mushy but he refused to answer your questions.

You tilted your head back a bit, “J, babe you’re shaking! What’s wrong?!”

He kissed your forehead before looking into your beautiful e/c eyes. They were filled with love and affection, one hundred percent directed towards him. You knew him. You weren’t messing around any more. Just what happened that made you forget? Should he tell you about your lapse in memory?

Was his mind playing tricks on him? He could’ve easy dreamt all of this up.

You asked Joker again and he sighed heavily. “Nothing Bunny. I uhhh.. dropped ya on the way to the bedroom.” Would you even fall for such a flat out lie?

Nope.

“You would never drop me unless! Is your leg giving you trouble again? Aww, J I’m sorry if I caused you any pain!” You leaned forward to kiss along his scars and Joker soaked up your love like a sponge.

Maybe it was a bad dream. His Light was safe in his arms and you still loved him. However a nagging feeling told him whatever just happened, was very much real.

And it would happen again. Very soon.

[dekheinjee]

I've always really loved how Geto's trauma has been portrayed. His weight loss is a small detail that I love even though it's sad and besides that his messy, unruly hair (even in scenes where he had his hair tied in a bun it still looked unkempt) and the way he didn't even wear his uniform properly anymore... :( These little details make his story so sad; he didn't have the motivation anymore to do even the simplest of things. This is something that is very important to show when you're portraying depression and trauma in media and Gege (and Mappa) did it perfectly.

For anime onlys this episode was really important. All they know about Geto is from the movie where he was an antagonist and it's important for them to know what exactly happened that made Geto become like that.

Geto was empathetic, kind, caring, and loving. But he's the one who suffered the most from being a jujutsu sorcerer. First of all, his cursed technique is the hardest both mentally and physically. It's literally described as “the taste of a cursed spirit no one knows... Like swallowing whole a cloth that was used to wipe up vomit”. Consuming people's negative emotions daily? It's understandable why Geto felt so shitty after doing it.

But after seeing people cheering at Riko's death, seeing his friends die protecting non-sorcerers, seeing a whole village of more than a hundred residents call on for the death of two little girls, it's very understandable why Geto just snapped. He undertook so much burden and pain, so much suffering and hardship, and all it resulted in was humans mistreating sorcerer's in such a horrible way.

That's when this quote comes: “it's just that in a world like this, I couldn't laugh from the bottom of my heart”. He couldn't live in a world where he and other jujutsu sorcerers were treated in such a way. And that's how he started away from his ideals.

I really hope I don't have to see anime onlys blindly hate on him anymore now that his full story and trauma is in front of them.

Geto Suguru I love and appreciate you so much :(

[treadmilltreats]

Staying in positivity

Since I'm on a roll this week talking about gratitude and being blessed, I figured I'd might as well talk about positively. As this goes hand in hand with these other things.

There are actual health benefits of positive thinking. It lowers the rate of depression. It also lowers the levels of distress and pain. When you think positive, you have greater resistance to illnesses and a better psychological and physical well-being.

This being said, I don't understand why so many people are negative. Why hold on to anger and bitterness? Why be hateful? Why always look at the bad instead of trying to find the good? I don't get it.

While speaking to a friend this weekend, we were talking about someone who was in my situation. Living a big life, then getting divorced and having your whole life change. She is still bitter and angry years later. And she even got a lot of child support and even got alimony, which I got neither.

She's bitter and I'm happy, same situation, different outcome.

I chose to learn how to get past my anger because trust me, in the beginning, I was pissed. But I learned that my anger was only affecting me, not him. Why was I wasting all my time on this? It wasn't going to change anything. Except I was killing myself by taking the poison and hoping he would die. It was stupid, and I was wasting my life and my happiness on this.

Look, 99% of us had a shitty childhood, and we went through most of the same shit. Being hurt, dumped, shit on, or abused. Many of us turned to drugs and alcohol to overcome our pain. I always say insert your sob story here…

And as mean as that may sound, it's the truth. You can't let your past control your future.

So today my friends I am here to say that if you are positive, if you are grateful and you feel that you are blessed even for the little things in your life, you can literally change your life and your health. It's never too late to do this. Old dogs may not be able to learn new tricks, but old people sure can. And like I say at the end of every blog…only you can be the change you want to see.

@TreadmillTreats

"Be the change you want to see"

@Treadmilltreats

"And just when the caterpillar thought his life over...he turned into a beautiful butterfly"

**Now released my latest book**

The Blessing in Disguise.... revealed

https://www.amazon.com/Blessing-Disguise-Revealed-story-faith/dp/1074340493/ref=sr_1_19?keywords=the+blessing+in+disguise&qid=1561392004&s=books&sr=1-19

***Now available***

My 1st book The blessing in Disguise

Selling on my website:

Http://www.treadmilltreats.com

And on Amazon.com

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_13?qid=1462358109&sr=1-13&pi=AC_SX236_SY340_FMwebp_QL65&keywords=the+blessing+in+Disguise

http://www.am6azon.com/gp/aw/d/0692437398/ref=mp_s_a_1_12?qid=1434452632&sr=8-12&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=the+Blessing+in+Disguise

My weekly Youtube page, please subscribe:

https://youtu.be/LDSXCFJVnzM

Http://www.treadmilltreats.com

Twitter: treadmill treats

Instagram: treadmilltreats

Facebook :treadmill treats

Http://Www.treadmilltreats.com

#treadmilltreats

#Theblessingindisguise

#blog

#blogger

#love

#instagram

#lifestyle

#blogging

#influencer

#bloggers

#bloggerlife

#Garyvee

#Jayshetty

#write

#writer

#motivationalspeaker

#motivation

#motivationalquotes

#motivational

#inspiration

#success

#quotes

#soulsisterssoulution

#NewYorktimesbestseller

#Oprah

#TylerPerry