#but i love thinking about certain scenes from time to time

[hwallazia]

ANT!FRAGILE – 최산

synopsis . in which you pamper your successful boyfriend after his dream night at coachella.

pairing . choi san & fem!reader

genre . smut (mdni!) fluff at the end, comfort, established relationship, idol!au, and a poor attempt of comedy.

taglist . @bro-atz | comment your username if you wanna be added to my permanent taglist! ♡

word count . 3,1k

DISCLAIMER! unprotected sex (wrap before tap!), bath sex, slight degradation? (reader’s referred as “dumb girl” once), dirty talk, softdom!san, sub!reader, dacryphilia?, slight overstimulation, hickeys, size difference, bulge kink, cow girl position, petnames (princess, love, darling & more), teasing, squirt, suggestive language (yn tells wooyoung to kill himself, jokingly! they’re two very friendly friends ;)), coachella san (as a warning itself, yes).

NIC’S NOTES . this took way too long for no reason at all (⁠￣⁠ヘ⁠￣⁠;⁠) but here it is! my brain rot of coachella san (ofc with teeth rotting fluff at the end bc i’m the one writing it) also, lowercase is intentional! (again, to lazy to write it properly;;)

you should’ve seen it coming after you found out that your boyfriend, san, would be performing at an event as important as coachella. not that you were complaining though.

you knew how much your boyfriend loves attention, how much it turned him on to hear the fans scream for him, and how the cameras adjust their lens to zoom in on his face or his toned muscles from dancing and moving from side to side. there were constant conversations in which san would ask you “should i wear this?”, “if i unbutton a couple of buttons will i get a reaction from atiny?” of course, you’d tell him dismissively that no matter what he does, he’d always get a reaction from everyone, from you especially.

but taking off his shirt in the middle of a concert? really?

you had already seen him without clothes on the upper part of his body, of course, —and also without clothes down there, but let’s omit details—. the thing here’s that you knew how cautious he was with his clothing, always trying to cover what was most important. but this surprised you, and immensely.

it is, in fact, a sight for sore eyes. but a certain level of jealousy invaded your body; you liked to think that you were the only one with the privilege of seeing his well-worked body. but now millions of people and locals would have photos and videos of your shirtless boyfriend on stage. you definitely couldn’t accept it, even though the entire internet already knows exactly what ateez’s choi san looks like underneath the expensive fabric that covers him at concerts.

you were fully aware that this was his job, and that he was paid for it, but did it really have to be him? why not any other member? maybe seonghwa? or mingi! what about him? he also has a pretty active and... desperate fanbase. it was obvious that more than one fan would pay to get, at least, a glimpse of his abs. so, with so many options, why was your boyfriend the exposed person?

but of course you couldn’t show up in his dressing room with a jealous expression clearly decorating your face, you had to act like the sweet and tender girlfriend you were and put jealousy aside for a moment. your boyfriend had just finished performing on a dream stage for any artist, you couldn’t ruin his night because of a little scene.

you weren’t a jealous or toxic lover; you were a conservative one. you liked knowing that you were special to san and you expected exclusivity from him; consequently, he would receive the same treatment. but you should’ve expected it when you started dating choi san. he’s an idol and that's his job: to cause, in any way, the attention of the fans which, consequently, would keep them afloat or flying through the charts.

but, that was an indelible feature of yours. therefore, in some way, you would make it noticeable.

you hit your knuckles a few times, with moderate intensity, against the modern metallic door decorated by a gold star that highlighted your boyfriend’s band name. you watched as the handle turned slightly and opened the door wide, managing to discover wooyoung with a foaming glass of champagne that found its rest in the palm of her hand. behind his figure, you could see mingi sitting on a noticeably comfortable leather couch next to yunho, both of them clinking their glasses together with a clink; yeosang and seonghwa taking a selfie in the mirror and jongho and hongjoong talking animatedly, perhaps about the upcoming scenarios you thought.

“what the hell are you doing here?” wooyoung said, looking at you confusingly. you narrowed your eyes slightly at his quick lack of courtesy.

“good night to you too, wooyoung. you were incredible out there.” you replied sarcastically, hoping he would finally greet you properly.

“oh thank you so much. but seriously, what are you doing here?” he asked once again.

“what do you mean what am i doing here? i came to congratulate y’all for the show because you totally killed it. all the atiny around me went absolutely feral because of you guys.” you praised, and wooyoung grinned nicely. jongho and hongjoong came up behind him, intrusively joining the conversation.

“well thank you very much, yn.” jongho responded and you gave him your purest smile, truly meaning your words.

“but i also came here to congratulate my boyfriend personally?” you interrogated since his figure wasn’t appearing in your visual field.

“that’s why i was asking! damn, you really don’t listen." wooyoung sentenced, his gaze being comparable to that of a mother scolding her daughter. “as soon as the concert was over, he changed and went to the hotel to see you. he thought you’d be there.”

“but i don’t have a ride home, and my phone died” you explained, doe-eyed as you waited for wooyoung, or any of the boys, to take the hint and quickly take you to the hotel to your boyfriend.

“you could just ask for it, you know?” wooyoung tsked, but finally surrendered to your big, brown eyes with a sigh. “give me two seconds to look for the car keys. i’ll take you there.”

and that’s what he did as fast as lighting since he knew they’d only have that night all for themselves before flying back out to korea. the next day would be full of promotion of their songs to the locals and their stage in coachella, so san wouldn’t be able to even spend a bit of his day with you. 

during the ride to the hotel, wooyoung spoke, “hey just don’t tire him out since we have quite the amount of work to do tomorrow.”

“you know, you could say something like ‘have a nice time together’, ‘take care of him’, ‘call me if you need anything-” before you could continue, he interrupted you briskly. 

“oh hell no. the both of you are responsible adults who know how to take care of themselves without someone else’s help so don’t even try to bother me tonight because i’m exhausted as shit.” he confessed, hands adjusting their position on the steering wheel when cornering.

“oh so now you’re saying i’m a burden?” you asked ironically, knowing wooyoung would catch it was only a joke.

“oh you do know how to think!” he smiled looking away from the road for a bit to lock gazes with you. wrinkles decorated the corner of your eyes as you closed them a little.

“go kill yourself.” you huffed.

“shut up, you love me,” his puckering lips sent a flying kiss to you. he stopped his words briefly, “actually you kind of have to, since i’m taking you with your beloved boyfriend.”

“touché” you agreed. 

the ride to the hotel was quick and calm since you were talking and joking animatedly with wooyoung. and when you least expected it, the car stopped moving. consequently, you turned to look out through your window, yellow lights, and gold decorations hurting your eyes with how beaming they looked, even when it was one in the morning.

“here we are.” wooyoung turned to look at you, his sincere eyes transmitting warmth, “remember what i told you-”

“yeah, i got it mom,” you answered, rolling your eyes vexingly. the man gave you an annoying gaze, so you replied, “what? you’re acting as if you were my mother! chill out, for fuck’s sake. as you said, both of us are responsible adults who know how to take care of ourselves.” you used his own words as a weapon to defend yourself against his exaggerated concern.

“whatever. just go,” he unlocked the car’s door so you could get out of the car once you finished your little conversation. “he’s been a pain in the ass lately because he hasn’t had time to see you.”

“imma get going then,” your hand approached the car door handle and finally opened it and got out of the vehicle. “thank you, woo. i owe you one.”

“you owe me way too many to count ’em” wooyoung wheezed. “but yeah, we’ll add it to the list.” he gave you one final smile, which you reciprocated sweetly.

you finally closed the door and watched wooyoung make his way back to where coachella was taking place, he’d probably go to enjoy the rest of the night’s stages with his members. you genuinely wished for him to do well and arrive with the boys safely, but now you had something more important to do: pamper your successful boyfriend after his dream night at coachella.

after you saw wooyoung getting lost on the dark LA highway, you turned around and ran towards the hotel to get into the elevator and quickly dial the floor of your boyfriend’s room.

once there, before your brain could think about it, your legs moved on their own and guided you recklessly toward the door. you hit your knuckles against it a few times, but there was no response.

“sannie? it’s yn. are you there?” you mutter softly against the door frame. another moment of silence came in response.

remembering your boyfriend had given you the key card, you pulled it out of your coat and faced it against the handle. after a soft peep sounded, you opened the door. just to be greeted with a dim-lighted room.

you wandered around the room, looking carefully at the floor so as not to bump your feet against any furniture or step on any item of clothing that, perhaps in a hurry, had been forgotten on the carpeted floor. you kept repeating your boyfriend’s name until the silence stunned you. the dazzling city lights illuminating what the poor little lamp that rested on the nightstand could not illuminate.

suddenly everything went silent. until you heard, in the back of your head, a faded tune. you quickly recognized the melody and started humming the song, the lyrics of the weeknd’s starboy being the only thing you could think about.

once again, you knocked a few times on the door, this time receiving a response from the other side. a dull “who is it?” was heard. “it’s me, love. yn.” you replied.

“oh, babe! come in!” he said happily, you could imagine the adorable smile drawn on his lips.

you turned the handle gently. and lord, didn’t the scenery you were greeted with turned you on.

your boyfriend’s toned body resting on the bathtub, lavender-scented bubbles covering most of it, his nipples being exposed to the fresh bathroom air that would soon turn into a heavier one, and his arms resting on each side of the tub. a serene, yet excited, expression decorating your boyfriend’s gaze.

“hi, beautiful,” he welcomed you. his eyes becoming crescent moons due to the effect of his beaming smile.

“there they are, those beautiful eyes i love so much,” you mumbled, walking right next to him to caress his left cheek soothingly. “how’re you feeling, champ?”

“alive as fuck,” both of you giggled at his response, your loving gaze locking with his for a moment of comfortable silence. suddenly you felt his hand fondling yours.

“mind joining me here?” his sharp eyes turning darker than they already were as they looked at you. fortunately for your boyfriend, you were willing to give him the moon and the stars that night.

you still can’t explain how you ended up on top of san, the water covering up to your navels, while he moved his thumb masterfully over your clit and his fingers repeatedly entered your cunt. his phalanges stretched you deliciously, causing several moans and moans from you.

“is that the spot, sweetheart? you're shaking so much.” his voice was hoarse and deep as the ocean, causing dizziness to affect your common sense.

“y-yes, don’t stop, please- ahh! ngh...” you could barely answer.

“sorry, love.” he announced before stopping his movements, drawing a annoyed, pathetic whine from your swollen lips. before you could insult him, he spoke first. “’wanna feel your tight cunt cumming around me, pretty.” during his brief pause, a pitiful cry from you was heard. “will you let me?”

“yes!” you answered desperately, “y...yes, i’m all yours, sannie. use me.”

san let out deep groan, which resonated inside your ears and made your heart jump out of your ribcage for a second. you rapidly adjusted yourself so you could reach the height of his crotch and massage his veiny, prominent erection, then align it to your entrance.

“go down slowly, don’t want my pretty girl to break.” he expressed, his soft, low voice driving you insane. still, you looked at him with cocked eyebrows.

“break? hah. surely, coachella drove your ego up to the clouds.” your eyes stabbing daggers into his. his hands found a home on your hips, slightly drawing them down to insert his cock inside you. your hand landing on his bare chest stopping his every move.

“nah. it’s just that you’re kind of fragile after all.”

you knew he was messing with you, provoking you. if there was one thing he always reminded you of, it was how strong, determined, and passionate you were, and it was one of the many features that made him fall deeply in love with you.

“let’s see who’s the fragile one here” you went down without warning on his cock, surprisingly touching your cervix all at once. a moan was snatched from both of you. your shaking body began to move carefully up and down him.

“f-fuck, yn- mm,” you heard a strangled moan from your lover, his lower lip was caught in between his teeth.

“f-fragile? that’s y...your- ah! your shit ass cock.” you manage to respond, notoriously provoking him.

“i don’t think it’s a shit ass cock, beautiful- ngh.” he panted, “just look how full you are.” he held your hand delicately despite the momentary brutality and placed it over your belly, a small lump formed there, “full of me, and my shit ass cock.” san breathed, kissing your collarbone, leaving cute lovebites in it. “you cry and beg for it every single night, hun. what does that have to say about you, hm?” a pitiful whine left your lips, demonstrating san that you were truly incapable of formulating coherent words. you were just too fucked out.

“well, lemme tell you,” he continued. “you’re just a dumb girl who needs to be fucked by a big fucking cock, otherwise, you don’t stop whining.” he said profoundly, his voice stimulating all your senses at once as he absolutely ravished you. “isn’t that right, princess?”

“i- ah! sannie, pleeease.” you blubbered, your eyes shedding the most precious tears.

“i asked you a question, darling. and i expect you to answer.” he sentenced sternly, grabbing your jaw and mushing your cheeks together. a pout was, therefore, formed on your lips.

“yes! yesyesyes, you’re right. i just need and think about being fucked by your big fucking cock-” you acknowledged, immersed and lost in the feeling, feeling like he was fucking you just like the first time.

“you’re such a cutie when you whine for me.” he chuckled while you, on the other hand, couldn’t hold back your screams anymore. his eyes stuck to your bouncing breasts, and your parted lips.

“what happened, princess? is it too much?” he cooed at you, looking at you adoringly, his eyes beaming at the sight of you.

“n-no,” you tried with all your might not to stumble over your words, but it was almost impossible since your thoughts were interrupted by the intrusion of your boyfriend's cock into your tight cunt.

“no? let’s see if it is now,”

your bastard boyfriend directed his hand toward your vagina, his ring finger and middle finger deliciously touched your clit. san watched as you exploded inside, his cock was bringing you closer to an abysmal orgasm that you doubted you could withstand, but you were a masochist, and despite all of this, you continued to go up and down on his cock sloppily.

“san! i’m s-so close- fuck!” your frowned eyebrows, reddened cheeks, swollen lips, and arched back made san float, he couldn’t worship you more than he already did at that moment. he was internally so grateful that you were his. only his to kiss, to hug, to fuck, and to adore.

you had had many guys behind you in the past, and they all promised the same thing: ‘i promise you the moon and the stars’, but absolutely none of them reached the level that choi san reached, who promised and delivered to make you see the stars, the moon and– fuck, he made you see the entire milky way every time you were with him.

“go on, babe. let it out for me, i got you,” he hid his face in the crook of your neck when you slowed down bouncing, and then he lifted it up. his lips brushed your neck, a position which he took advantage of to lick and suck on the side of it, adorning it with some nice and new hickeys next to the ones he did some moments ago.

san did everything he could to give you a good orgasm, a strong one, but pleasant. he loved seeing your expression as you had reached the peak of pleasure, a squirt erupted between your bodies, causing strangled moans to come from both mouths. your walls became tighter, squeezing out every drop of cum held in san’s hard cock. you felt how a strip of that viscous, white essence warmed your insides even more. the feeling even being comfortable in some kind of way.

“see? i didn’t break, idiot. hah,” you huffed out a sigh, looking at that beautiful face that you would never get tired of.

“mhm, you’re always so strong and beautiful. aren’t you, my love?” he reacted breathlessly as he stroked your cheek, as if it were the finest diamond.

“always, and only for you,” you wrinkled your nose as you looked at him foolishly in love.

you turned and felt stupid every time you were around this man, but what could you say? you weren’t complaining at all.

that man was capable of loving you in all your facets, in all your states and moments.

you were also grateful that choi san was yours, and solely yours.

“well, big boy,” you started, settling into his chest with him still inside you, keeping you warm, “i’m very proud of you and your achievements, love. you really brought home the trophy.”

“actually, you came here all by yourself.” he flirted, a cocky smile causing a giggle to ring inside your ribcage. “hm. thank you, princess. but the actual trophy is you and will always be you.”

you hid your face with your hands, splashing a little water unintentionally, “don’t start being all mushy, you softie. i’m gonna cry otherwise,”

he laughed, his voice causing your skin to vibrate lightly. “okay okay. wanna finally wash up?”

“can we just... stay like this? just for a bit,” you closed your eyes, enjoying the warmth your boyfriend provided you.

“of course, princess. whatever you want,” he held you in his arms safely, making you sleepy. two minutes of silence filled with tranquility and love passed, until san started talking, “remember you’re always my trophy.” he muttered lowly with his honey-dripping voice.

“babe,”

“hm?”

“shut up.”

| masterlist

[lurkingshan]

Unknown Episode 11

Well, let me get this out of the way upfront. This episode brought us to the big moment we've all been waiting for, the final turn in Yuan and Qian's relationship--and unfortunately, it didn't quite land.

I've been sitting with this episode, contemplating my disappointment with the first sequence, and I think it comes down to this show that has been so assured and confident through most of its run faltering at the crucial moment and seeming to lose faith in its own storytelling to the point that it used editing tricks to compensate. The choice to chop up and sequence this narrative lynchpin of a scene out of order is baffling, and it's a choice that significantly stepped on the most important emotional climax of the story. I was confused to go from the conversation outside to a sudden kiss, then disappointed when we cut back to a very short exchange between Qian and Yuan that was supposed to provide the basis for this turn with only some thin dialogue that didn't connect the beats of the scene, and then into an intense sexual encounter (that was constantly interrupted by repetitive flashbacks) that should have felt like a triumphant and revelatory moment but didn't because of the way we got there.

I know I'm not the only one feeling that way, since folks have been creating and distributing reedited versions of the scene, and Youku actually uploaded a new version free on YouTube with all the flashbacks removed (a clear move toward fan appeasement after the show received a lot of negative feedback on the scene). The editing and the flashbacks were annoying, but honestly the fundamental problem was the scene they wrote did not sufficiently sell the change for Qian--he goes from saying he is still not certain what he wants to being ready to be dicked down in a couple minutes' time, with nothing in the exchange providing any new information or impetus for the shift. The performers did great work but unfortunately the writing and directing and editing decisions around this sequence were just bad; it's frustrating for this to happen with arguably the most important scene of the romance.

A note about the novel: the way this final turn happened there was quite different and, candidly, better in just about every way, from the impetus for the change to the beats of the revelation to the progression of physical intimacy on a pace that felt much more attuned to the emotional complexities at play. I do not know why the show did...this when they had better source material content to work with, but here we are. I absolutely recommend that anyone who loves this show read it!

So, with that disappointment expressed, on to the rest of the episode, in which Yuan and Qian settled into their couple era. I was deeply amused by Qian taking to their sex life like a moth to a flame to the point of daydreaming in meetings, but I do wish the episode had focused more on the natural tension and role confusion that should have resulted from this huge shift in their relationship. They touched on that a bit in the scene where Yuan asked Qian if his hug was from his brother or his boyfriend, but they didn't delve into those complexities in the way I hoped they would. I enjoyed their date at the local restaurant (and loved their friendly neighborhood gangster helping to set the mood) and how much it felt like they were surrounded by their history as they moved through all of these familiar locations where they've had important moments. I didn't much care for the insertion of the health scare plot or the time spent on Le and the doc, though I'm always happy for more Sam Lin even if it comes in the form of a weird late stage and wholly unnecessary ship.

My favorite scene between Yuan and Qian in this episode was far and away the discussion on the stairs with Qian reflecting on his fears of becoming more like his mother and Yuan biting him to snap him out of his fatalistic attitude (this felt like such a classic Priest tribute, she always has biting in her romances). It was a helpful re-centering of what they do for each other and why Yuan is an important presence in Qian's life. I didn't think we needed the health scare for Qian, but I did love Qian choosing to go to this place where he found Yuan to contemplate his life and what matters, with Yuan in turn reflecting that even though he's seen a lot more of the world now, he still prefers to come home to this street. I found that exchange so moving and I think it was important for Qian to hear that.

And that scene led to my other favorite thing in this episode, which was everything to do with Lili and her bond with her brothers. I teared up to see her standing against the wall where Qian has measured their growth talking about the sneaky ways she would try to care for Qian when they were younger, with San Pang listening attentively and gazing at her adoringly. It was such a small moment, but a really lovely window into their relationship dynamic and the shared history they also have together. And when Yuan and Qian came in hand in hand and she just ran to them and offered up her love and acceptance, I felt so much warmth for this family and everything they've survived together.

[shiny-jr]

I'd love to hear more about the mcs for Damnation

So the only other MC's I can really talk about are from Scarabia and Pomefiore, since Ignihyde and Diasomnia are currently still in the works.

Vassal!MC. This, like King!MC, I had a lot of references for and I knew what I wanted from the very start. I wish I could've executed it better, but I digress. Like some of the other MCs, I had a lot of good references to refer to, such as the original animated film which I took for personality, some live-action scenes inspired certain scenes I wrote, and the voice actor was a great comedian who I enjoyed watching. Out of all the MC's, I had the most material to work with here. I wanted someone annoying, wretched, that would not be intimated so easily and could stand Jamil's harshness. One scene I looked to often but unfortunately didn't get to inspire a written part off of, was this one, which showcases the friendliness Jamil would have with MC as they plot.

Retainer!MC. Another MC I had a lot of creative freedom with. However, I think this one I did much better on, when compared to Diviner!MC. At first I was uncertain about basing the role off the raven, purely because the raven played such an insignificant role in the original animated film. However, I watched a video that pointed out that the raven was the sole being the Queen talked to a lot, especially when brewing the poisoned apple. Almost treating it like a confidant. So, I decided to implement that idea, by making MC a trusted figure close to Vil. Further expanding the plot by including the crimes Vil has committed just to make sure Neige never gets the crown, helped to cement this role into something solid and unique. I'm really glad I went this route, because for a very very brief time, I considered another huntsman like Rook, but ultimately I scrapped the idea because one huntsman was enough.

[mynamesaplant]

It Changes, like Water (CH. 1)

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Summary: Akari has just met Gaeric for the first time and is still a little rattled by the experience. Ingo tries to reassure her by telling her a story.

Content Warning: Blood, bodily injury, and wild animal attack

Notes: I've made this in honor of Monsoon-of-Art and their PLA mer au (and just a touch from a different au where Gaeric acts as Irida's guardian). Many of the scenes in this fic are directly inspired by their work, there mer stuff more specifically. I've been a big fan of them since I started playing PLA and I've only grown to love all their characterizations of some of my favorite characters in all of Pokemon. Don't like to read on Tumblr? Read it here on AO3.

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“Hey Ingo?”

The large mer was studying the near microscopic flute that Akari had, humming in acknowledgement but still absorbed in his observations. The light wasn’t the best for looking it over in the tidal cavern, but this was the only place he felt safe meeting Akari so close to shore, the cavern offered some protection from any would be outside observers of the clans or the humans. Ingo was trying to think of any mention of a flute quite like this before in the time he had been with the clan, but nothing seemed to jump to mind.

Akari was in the process of reorganizing her bag before returning to the settlement, how it always got to be such a mess was always a mystery to her but her efforts were thwarted by events of the day. The teenager’s mind was still on her earlier encounter with the not quite so large but infinitely more terrifying Warden Gaeric. He was instantly suspicious of her, commenting on her small size and color of her coat after a brief interrogation, ears pinned back and a snarl on his face as he looked at her uniform like he was trying to place it but couldn’t, that was just before Ingo came to her rescue.

“Gaeric’s the one messing with all the supply ships, isn’t he?”

That caught Ingo’s attention, looking away from his open palm to her. Akari was squinting up at him, trying to parse any subtle emotions in his expression. He knew eventually she would ask; it wasn’t hard to put two and two together given Gaeric’s attitude. Despite knowing this question was inevitable, Ingo felt a cold spike of guilt lance his spine and his ears droop even lower. That was answer enough for her.

“He wouldn’t hesitate to hurt me if he knew for sure, would he?”

“Gaeric doesn’t hurt pups.”

His answer was swift, but it wasn’t quite a satisfactory one and they both knew it. Ingo was certain that, even if anyone else other than himself knew the truth about Akari and her mysterious flute, they couldn’t bring themselves to hurt her. Akari was a child – the magical white coat helped with the illusion, at least at first. It made everyone pause in complete befuddlement. Was she sick? Why was her growth so stunted for someone her age? It was hard to see Akari as anything but a sick, stunted pup with that pale coat. Although she was representing herself illegitimately and she was part of the exploration team that was causing irreparable harm to the fisheries of both clans with their presence, Ingo didn’t think a single member of either clan could bring harm upon her… especially not with how close he was tailing her.

“But I’m not a pup!”

She protested, her stomach souring when she considered how close her call with Gaeric could have been. They both knew the truth and Akari had the sneaking suspicion that Ingo was softening the truth to spare her from the dangers of her situation.

“He wouldn’t hurt you. Gaeric attacks vessels, he doesn’t hurt the people on those vessels.”

“Ingo, he leaves them in ice cold water for hours on end after destroying those supply ships. Some of them don’t make it. They die from hypothermia. We don’t have thick fur like you guys do!”

He flinched, turning his head away and tugging his cap over his eyes to obscure the pain in them. He could see it from both points of view. Gaeric’s priority was the clan, protecting them and their territory, and he saw the Galaxy Team as a threat – which they were. They were horning in on their territory, taking away from their primary food source, and potentially endangering their vulnerable pups. The team’s presence was a threat that no one in the clans knew what to do about. Gaeric, never one for subtly or decorum, did what he thought was best to dissuade the Galaxy Team from settling there. Ingo knew it was too late for that, but there was no point explaining that to Gaeric. It wouldn’t stop him, and it would already make Ingo seem stranger that he was defending humans.

Akari and her team were explorers and researchers, their interests lie in the sea, so of course they were going to butt heads frequently with the elusive mers, whether intentionally or not. Galaxy Team thought of them as monsters, huge moving shadows beneath the water that would destroy all they had built in an instant – Gaeric was certainly not helping in that regard. These people were mostly curious, and he could sympathize with innocent curiosity.

“Gaeric is concerned for the wellbeing of Pearl Clan, Akari. I understand his methods seem drastic, but-”

“Seem drastic? Ingo, they are drastic!”

Ingo’s frown deepened. He wasn’t trying to justify his fellow warden’s actions, but that was certainly how he made it sound. He knew why Gaeric was the way he was. His love for his clan ran deep. The mer glanced toward the sun sinking steadily toward the horizon from the exposed mouth of the cavern, soon to be swallowed up by the sea. He looked back at Akari, jaw set and mouth quirked like she was trying hard not to cry in front of him.

“I apologize.”

Ingo said gently, sinking lower in the water to be more on her level. Akari quickly spun away from him on the rock on which she was perched, her arms folded over her chest.

“I’m not trying to minimize the damage Gaeric has done and the people he has hurt. Gaeric doesn’t feel as though anyone is being proactive in the case of the hu – Galaxy Team. So, he takes it upon himself to be proactive, and takes it too far. He has a lot of misplaced guilt when it comes to protecting the clan… May I tell you a story before you return to your settlement? It might help you understand where he’s coming from.”

Although she was not facing him, he could tell he had caught her interest and he folded his arms over the large rock, resting his head on his forearms. He did his best to recall all the details.

Next Chapter >>

[missjadesfics]

15 Questions For 15 Friends

Thank you for the tag, my darling @lady-phasma 💕 Hope you don't mind I'm answering these questions on this blog instead of my other one ☺️

Are you named after anyone? Well, my first name, Jade, is not named after anyone, but I actually have two names. One is because of a Scandinavian background. I am a descendant of Rangar Lodbrock, so my real name is Freya (Freyja), after the Norse goddess. And my English middle name is Presley-Marie (after Elvis Presley, and Marie is a family name passed down from my mother's side)

When was the last time you cried? The other day when I was watching Dune Part Two (a certain scene breaks my heart)

Do you have kids? No, not yet; maybe in the future

What sport do you play / have played? I couldn't play any sport even if I tried.

Do you use sarcasm? A little too much, I will admit

What's the first thing you notice about people? Their eyes, the intensity and power one look can give, are always the first thing I notice.

What's your eye color? Green / Hazel

Scary movies or happy endings? Happy endings, please!

Any talents? I don't really know, I've been told I'm a great drawer and singer but I wouldn't think that. I think my talent may be something more along the lines of the editing that I do on my Instagram account.

Where were you born? Adelaide, Australia

What are your hobbies? Where do I begin? Okay, writing, reading, film and TV binging, learning about history, junk journaling, baking, meditating, drawing, music, do Jason Momoa, Elvis Presley and Austin Butler count as hobbies?

How tall are you? 5'10" same as Timothee

Favorite subject in school? I love english literature, history, theatre, and art. Those subjects were where I excelled most.

Dream job? Actress, archaeologist or writer.

no pressure tags : @austinbutlerslovers @austinstyles @feydsociety @hudson-bay-girl @sansaorgana @austinbutlermischief @abswifey

[fanaticsnail]

Couples/Ship Songs Tag Game

Thank you so much for the tag @hey-august. I don't actually upload any of my OC writing here (or anywhere), I prefer to write for 'x reader' to include 'you' in my writing. In saying that, I would love to share an OC I adore.

"Tatie" is a part of a crew of minstrels: "Broad-Stroke Pirates", something @sordidmusings and I have been actively cooking with for a little while now. There's a whole heap of them, but "Tatie" is one of my favourites (aside from "Matteo" the first-mate, but anyway 💀). She is the ship's doctor and skilled with pressure-point combat. Carefree, loving, little bit flirty, heart on her sleeve - pure sunshine person.

This little blondie is in love with Trafalgar D Water-Law - but every time he looks at her, all he sees is his "Dad" Donquixote Rosinante Corazon. Probably something to do with her devotion to her "family" and hell-bent on keeping them all alive.

She loves Law so much it hurts, which complicates matters when he falls for another of her crewmates, "Carmen". While her adoration remains unrequited, it gets more complicated when a foreign Captain decides she's the one for him. And he, Eustass Kid, repulses her.

This is her playlist 👌

For Law:

From Law:

For Kid:

From Kid:

I just know that @empressofmankind has a few songs about Shivs and Crocodaddy I gotta hear 👀.

@since-im-already-here, you got some tunes for your OC 👀

@vespidphoenix what about Amy and her flirty blonde chef 👀👀

[akai-anna]

it's "i love kudou shinichi" day

[twinkdemise]

[todayisafridaynight]

mine thing im crazy about today: the strained grin he gives when pretending like hes not about to attempt murder on his subordinate hes literally What did something good happen :)

in his defense (the only one he gets) kinda stupid to be talking shit about the chairman for being young when the chairman of the company YOURE in (whos 2 feet in front of you and known to be nutty) is younger lol

ITS LEGITIMATELY SOOOOO GOOD mine's the most valid person on earth for stabbing a wank right after his Cinnamon Apple (platonic) just presumably kicked the bucket and this twat's cheerin bout it. WHILE SAYIN HE WAS TOO YOUNG TO BE IN THAT POSITION OF POWER BUT THEN THE NEXT BREATH SAYIN HIS BOSS (WHO IS YOUNGER) SHOULD BE NEXT IN LINE ☠️☠️ absolute kissasses the lot of em..

[meimi-haneoka]

"With hindsight" Part 2 - a Yuna D. Kaito retrospective/analysis

Welcome to the second part of my retrospective on Yuna D. Kaito!

I remind you this is just a collection of scenes about Kaito from the whole story that I will be revisiting with the hindsight that Chapter 70 finally gave us. I'll try to give what I think is the right interpretation, but of course these are just my thoughts on the matter.

Continuing from Part 1, here we get into the heart of the story, while we find out more and more hints for Kaito's plan...but also hints for what's really in his heart.

My main goal with these posts is showing that the recent development didn't come out of the left field but there were actually subtle (or less subtle, but misunderstood due to prejudice) hints for it all along.

In this particular post, at some point, there'll be talk about heavy subjects related to life and death. The paragraph will have a warning beforehand, just to be sure, and you can skip to the next section if you want.

"The greatest magic artifact...Akiho-san herself" - Volume 6

After the huge event of the first time-rewind happening just merely a couple of chapters earlier, the end of volume 6 brings another earth-shaking revelation, along with many more important info.

First of all, since he completely dropped his "mask", we're shown for the first time how Kaito is immediately aware when Sakura creates a new Card. But that also confirms that he didn't meddle with those events, not in the beginning at least.

As I said previously, Kaito is someone who tends to act and intervene only at the last minute, when he cannot really avoid it anymore.

Even though the Card created by Sakura was so pivotal to the success of his plan, he really didn't intend to make her produce it by force. He still had time, so he hoped she would create it on her own without needing to resort to harsh methods. Another indication that he really wasn't keen on hurting Sakura at any moment of this plan. He was just standing there, going "oh!" when he could sense a vibration in the magic that suggested that Sakura's powers went out of control again, and soon another Card would be born. He just had to wait for the right one. A game of patience. Definitely a challenge for someone like him, used to obtain everything immediately, thanks to his magic.

We also get the first mentions about his plan: we acknowledge that he indeed needs a Card created by Sakura in particular, but that any of those new created ones will still be very useful to his goal (almost all the Cards in fact acted as "characters" for the story he prepared in Clockland).

We're informed that Momo is the guardian of the Book Akiho holds so dear, and that Kaito is trying to make that Book work to activate a forbidden spell.

Indeed, as we well know from chapter 70, everything went exactly as he wished for: they went inside the Book, he created the Clockland story using his memories and those of Akiho + Sakura in order to turn them sisters later on, the transparent Card he wanted was produced at the very last moment and he "piggybacked" Sakura's wish to exchange roles with Akiho to make an exchange himself.

But the biggest revelation (and one of the biggest misunderstandings) is that Kaito mentions "that's why I never returned it....the greatest artifact created by the Magic Association and that Clan...Akiho-san herself".

After this page, all the red flags and sirens probably went off in everyone's head, "omg he abducted her", "he wants to use her", "he's deceiving her"...but....to be honest, seeing the chapter with the first part of Akiho's past, and seeing how unhappy she was, we should've wondered immediately if that wasn't for the best.

Because it was.

He literally saved her life by never returning her to her clan.

Still, the sense of distrust in Kaito after this scene here (powered by that seemingly manic smile) persisted for long, long time in the fandom. And that was exactly what CLAMP planned us to feel like. Or rather, they wanted to see if we'd be able to get rid of this feeling the more the story went on.

Time magic at the behest of the Association - vol. 7

Just want to point out this small detail here - it tends to be forgotten, but Kaito didn't learn time magic when he decided to escort Akiho around the world, nor was given that ability by Momo.

He already knew how to work it, and has been using that dangerous type of magic ever since he was a kid, at the orders of the Association. Eriol obtained that information during his research.

This connects to chapter 70 because it made sense for them to impose a spell like the Seal of D on Kaito.

They knew he could use time magic, they knew he had no qualms in using it, and therefore that made him all the more dangerous to escort such a precious magic artifact in their eyes.

But most of all, this scene here confirms how Kaito himself was used and abused by the Association, in a similar way to what happened to Akiho. Scared of the terrible side effects, they ordered an emotionally stunted boy to use that magic on their behalf, well aware that it would've shaved off his life span. He didn't know any better, had a bleak existence because of how he grew up, he didn't have desires, so he couldn't really muster a will to refuse the orders.

"The boy didn't understand what was fun in that" - Volume 7

When talking about Kaito's past, CLAMP keep telling us "he didn't care for anyone, he didn't know what was fun in doing something with someone...spending time with them".

It's something they keep hammering because it's very indicative of how Kaito changed profoundly thanks to Akiho.

Now he experienced what's good in doing something for someone (not only all the things he did for her as her attendant, but also the very plan he set into motion, the sense of accomplishment we see in his final smile in chapter 70 comes directly from that), he experienced how good it can feel to spend time with someone (there's no doubt he loved spending time with Akiho, otherwise when given the chance - the time rewind at the date later on - he would've avoided it).

The only problem is.....he hasn't understood why yet. What really makes the difference here. Or rather, he stubbornly refused to acknowledge it till the end. And that stubborn ignorance led him to go on with his plan, thinking he was doing something good, oblivious to the effect this will have on Akiho later on when she'll find out what happened. That's why Momo cried "blockhead!!" in rage before he disappeared in chapter 70.

"Happy ending for whom?" - Vol. 7

And here we get HUGE, huge hints for what was coming up in the future.

Kaito was exhausted (Momo checks on him with a worried face) and fell asleep on a sofa, dreaming of his past and the moment that changed his life forever. The moment when the Association decided to tell him that they had just executed a magic ritual on the girl that he had certified as "magicless, like a blank book" long time before, in order to turn her into a magic artifact. Not "any girl", but the daughter of the only person who treated him with humanity for the little time they interacted with eachother.

If he was still dreaming of it now, years later, it meant that the event scarred his heart in a way that he didn't even fully understand himself. And we'll get confirmation of this only in chapter 60, 29 chapters after this one.

Kaito mentions that his dream looked "like a picture book", and Momo poses a clever question: "Does it look like this book will have a happy ending?".

We all took this question as figurative back then. But to imagine she actually was meaning it in a literal way, that we would really witness the characters becoming protagonists of a story set up by him! Again another hint under our noses.

Kaito confidently replies "It will (I'll make sure of it)", but that's when Momo (oh, I love her so much) comes with another sharper question that hits the bull's eye fully: "And that...will be a happy ending for whom, exactly?". My gosh. I don't know how Kaito didn't start second guessing after a question like that.

Because it's true, even though this might be the happy ending he imagined for Akiho (at his own expense, but he didn't care), it didn't even occur to him that this might not have been what she wanted at all. It didn't occur to him because of the complex feelings that his sense of disgust for himself and his guilt for what he had done to her were stirring in him. But we'll find out more about that later.

"She's really loved...by all the people involved with her" - vol. 7

Man, you can really feel we're halfway through the story, because in volume 7 are starting to surface a series of hints that become more and more specific to the revelation of Kaito's plan.

Kaito and Momo had just sensed that Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun came to Japan on behalf of Eriol, and Kaito knows very well that Eriol is venturing in scheming that far for his dear Sakura's sake.

And then....Kaito becomes sad? melancholic? for one moment...with a quite painful expression.

"She's really loved...by all the people involved with her"

This expression here kept me (and I'm sure not only me) wondering for long, long time. Years. It's apparent he's feeling a pang of sadness because Sakura's blessing with people who love and care for her wasn't granted on Akiho as well. But was he only feeling sad for Akiho? And what exactly that expression represented, was there envy for it? Longing?

Did he resent Sakura for the blessing of a loving entourage?

Now we know he really didn't. Of course the idea that CLAMP wanted to instill in our heads was that Kaito wanted to exchange the girls and felt envy/resentment towards Sakura, for the countless, shameless luck and privileges she was blessed with. I had fallen for that interpretation too for some time, because it kinda made sense. Seeing his past, his background, his upbringing...and the fact that Sakura was basically a stranger to him.

And Momo's further comment that Akiho loved Sakura too, with the subsequent silence from Kaito, was really staged by CLAMP in a way that could suggest Kaito was having second thoughts about his plan, because if he hurted Sakura, Akiho would've been sad.

But now it doesn't really seem like that was the case anymore. We know he never intended to hurt Sakura, nor exchanging them, from the very beginning.

I think here his storming feelings are originating not only from Akiho's situation, but also from his own need to be loved. A need that was naturally born in him along the years, but could not find its way to be acknowledged and expressed properly. And Momo mentioning that Akiho loved Sakura as a friend only contributed to make him feel even more alone, outside that "circle" of people loving eachother. He's excluded from this, because in his head he won't ever have someone who loves him. He's a bad person with a locking seal imposed on him that will swallow him whole at the end of this journey. Which is why...

"Because it's about you, Akiho-san" - Vol. 7

...when Kaito nonchalantly blurts out "Because it's about you, Akiho-san" in response to Akiho's question on how does he know perfectly everytime she's coming home to let her find her afternoon snacks ready, Momo becomes livid. So much that she wants to send him flying with a kick.

Because Akiho of course cannot help but running away, red in the face like the reddest tomato, in front of such sweet declaration of affection from him. It's like he's saying "you're important to me, so of course I always know everything about you, I have a sixth sense for you" and that would be perfectly fine, if it weren't for his otrageous obliviousness. His "?" face in front of a raging Momo is further proof of that. Remember when she said, in the Drama CD 2, "it's true they say people know the least about themselves"?

He's uttering it himself and yet he doesn't understand the full meaning of the words that are spilling out of his mouth. Nor he understands the effect they have on Akiho (because he's oblivious to her feelings as well).

Kaito never ever admitted that he's doing all of this for Akiho's sake, never spelled out that he cares about her and loves her in his own way. Even though it's apparent to everyone by now. And this obliviousness, or this refusal? to see the truth is precisely the reason why the success of his plan will only bring misery to Akiho in the long run. Despite he wanted (deep down in his heart) nothing more than making her happy.

"I will read more books" - vol. 7

If we exclude the scene where Kaito gets closer to Akiho during stopped time at the end of Vol. 5, this is the first time we clearly see Kaito hurting for something. The first time he clearly lets slip a sort of weakness in front of Akiho. And you can guess it, it's got always something to do with her.

This is the very first, timid proof that what little Kaito said on that fateful day of some years earlier had wrecked him in every possible way and had pushed him to give all of him to make things right.

Akiho says something really innocent, "I will read more and more books! I will memorize so many more things...!" because poor her, she just couldn't bear to keep embarrassing herself in front of her most important person with her clumsy, ignorant takes.

Little did she know, she had just pierced his heart with a knife at that very moment.

Because "reading more books" is not just an innocent, healthy activity, but in her case can also actually mean to push herself one step closer to death. And since it all started with something Kaito unintentionally said, the mere thought wrecks him more than 100 spells attacking him.

Kaito defends his 'family' - vol. 7

Allow me to comment on this scene, because I really need to point out something that will be more subtly connected to what happened in chapter 70 (we get into dark thematics related to death, so beware and skip to the next paragraph if you're sensitive on the matter).

The Magic Association tried to attack the Shinomoto mansion, likely to take Akiho back. Of course Kaito sensed it and counterattacked, using time magic.

Here he commented "As long as they continue to not include time magic (in their spells), due to their weakness and fear of its devastating effects on their bodies, it's going to have the same result every time".

The thing that immediately becomes apparent for people reading this for the first time is that Kaito not only betrayed the confraternity of people he was once part of, but he also despises them, thinks very little of them and probably has done so for quite some time (with all the reasons of this world).

Then, it's also very apparent how he indirectly poses himself in contrast to their actions: "they're weak and cowards, that's why they don't use time magic. While I have no qualms in using it. I am not afraid of what will happen. No one is gonna stop me".

Then....if we dig deeper...we also find something more personally concerning Kaito, in his sentence.

He's indirectly showing he acknowledged that they kept using him when he was a child to perform tasks that required time magic, because they were too coward to use it themselves. He acknowledges they used him, and lord only knows when that realization came about, probably after starting his journey with Akiho and staying away from that toxic environment for some time.

And that realization came with his greatest act of rebellion.

"I hate myself, I'll always be alone and am not interested in continuing living this life, but at the very least I won't ruin myself at your behest anymore. I WILL BE THE ONE to decide how and what to exhaust my life on". It is of course a terrible, horrible way to see the worth of his own life, but at the same time a desperate scream for self-determination that personally I can't ignore. For how horrible it is, this is Kaito calling the shots for what concerns him. He's not existing for the use and abuse of other people anymore. And this is also part of why he shows that self-satisfied smile at the end of ch. 70, although mixed with other emotions.

Of course, he made such decision with a mindset of someone who got nothing to lose. Nothing, or no one. And this is where he was terribly wrong.

Rewind & the silencing spell - vol. 7

Sakura produced the Rewind Card, and for the first time ever, we get a comment from Kaito indicating that, although it's not exactly the one he was looking for, it went quite close.

Now that we know that the Card he was looking for is Exchange, we can infer in which ways Rewind went close to it, but wasn't exactly what he was looking for.

I think Rewind was simply incomplete for the full plan Kaito had.

Rewind showed to be capable to change the appearance of someone to make look them like they were in a previous state. In Syaoran's case, it made him look like when he was very little, because that was what Sakura was thinking about when she created the Card. Even if Kaito wished, thanks to Rewind, to restore Akiho's situation back to when she wasn't turned into a magic artifact yet, that would've been only a superficial change. Rewind doesn't seem to have (for now) the full potential of the time-rewindings operated by Kaito. Sakura didn't actually travel in time to bring a little Syaoran back from those times, as Syaoran still had his own teenager conscience. The "change" doesn't operate at deep level, basically, and so it was insufficient for Kaito's plan.

Furthermore, in this same scene, we see him activating the silencing spell on Syaoran. Again, a move made at the very last moment, when Sakura had already found out that she was the one giving birth to those Cards. To be honest I still don't feel like this was malicious at all. He could've thought up so, so many harsher ways to stop them from interfering with his plans if he meant any harm to them. Messed with their minds, made them forget (Eriol did so with Yue!!), I don't know.

Instead, he chose this way, exposing himself even further, because why only mentions of Akiho and Kaito would get "blocked"? Of course that made so apparent that the spell came from him, and he somehow wanted Syaoran to know it did. Probably as a way to suggest "it's me, please don't interfere more than this". Of course, as I said before, Kaito is not here to f*ck around, so he found himself forced to use this silencing spell, or cutting off Eriol from communication, or to use all the time-rewinds he used.

The first decision I've ever made for myself - vol. 7 and vol. 8

I look at the first picture of this paragraph and I laugh, because I remember when this chapter came out people were making fun of Kaito, calling him "creep" for spying on a middle school (a swimming class, at that 😅). But looking at that smile now, with the hindsight of what we know...it's such a sweet smile. He seems genuinely happy to see Akiho enjoying her time with all her classmates. He loves to see all the bonds she created.

But that heartwarming feeling lasts very little, as his "half-assed" (as I always call it, what was that 'wave' for?) attempt to make Sakura create a new Card triggers Akiho's book, and for the first time ever we see it in action, making her lose her conscience completely.

The proof is that "Akiho" doesn't talk with her usual voice, but with the voices of the Association and the Clan. As you can see, at her feet, we see the same "book pages" that will engulf Kaito at the end of chapter 70 too (therefore almost confirming that's where he is right now, inside the damned book).

As both Momo and Kaito confirm, the spell that will eventually crush her soul is still very much active on her and not too far from its final goal. We get a glimpse of a very sorrowful expression from Kaito while he says with his own words that probably those people are hoping that the spell will crush Akiho's soul. This expression alone shoul've already been enough to confirm what Kaito's intentions were. But also how much he felt responsible for that atrocity.

Kaito doesn't have a choice, he will use *more* time magic to put some sort of "seal" on the book inside Akiho (freezing its time), full aware that this is just a patch and won't solve any problem definitively. But at least it should keep everyone (Sakura & Syaoran included, since it activated mostly in their presence) safe while he tried to bring his plan to completion.

Also...I can't help but point out how he softly caresses her face again before starting his spell, such a sweet gesture that almost seems as if saying "sorry" for performing a magic on her without the girl being aware.

Once again, he allows himself to be this sweet with her only when she's not aware of it. Knowing what we know now, it's no wonder why.

And here it is...probably the most important scene beside the one where he made a choice and said "I'll go".

His first conversation with Akiho.

For him, this wasn't really the first 'meeting'. Indeed, later on he will talk again about this moment and he will specifically use the japanese word for "conversation". Because although from afar, the very first time he met her was through the magic sphere.

Of course she was way too little to remember. So while for her this might have been effectively her first meeting with him, for him it wasn't, and his kind, sweet smile is proof of that.

He went there already knowing who she was, her background, who she was the daughter of, what happened to her, and prepared so that he could make her feel at ease from the very start. Of course someone must have taught him this, because before this scene he used to have such a dead stare. He looked like he never smiled once in his whole life.

My idea is that, after making his contract with Momo, she "trained him". For his smiles and everything else. Taught him how to interact properly with other people, since he was so averse to it beforehand.

This theory I have comes from the fact she's the one who told him, in one of the Drama CDs, "please laugh more properly! even it's a fake laugh!".

Anyway, this scene is so powerful because it's not only drawn in such a "fateful meeting" way, but also because this fountain and rose garden will appear later on in Clockland too, summoned by the magic of Momo's book browsing through Kaito's memories.

While other people might argue that this is also the place where he met Lilie once, I'd daresay first meetings and talks are more likely to leave such a big impression on someone. When he met Lilie there, it was one of their regular meetings (and clearly not the first one), while with Akiho it was the meeting that would start their journey together, and start the process of how his whole life would change thanks to her.

It's definitely not by chance that he's remembering this important moment while he discloses to the readers for the first time that "I made a decision that day. The first decision I've ever made for myself".

Stopping the time of the book inside Akiho proves to be very arduous.

So arduous that Kaito is sweating and panting at the end of it.

Not only that, but the book itself activates some sort of "defense" (that black matter that comes out of Akiho, the same black matter that comes out when she loses consciousness) and literally attacks Kaito. You can see it hitting him in several spots.

He looks stubborn and unstoppable, though. Even with the magic of the book hurting him, he still pushes through with his spell for the sake of Akiho.

Momo is taken aback because she didn't know *anything* of this idea of his, and she's really mad when he's done.

Always for the same reason.

Because while he can realize her change of mood without any problem ("You look even angrier now" "Ah, you can understand *that* just fine, hm? And yet you don't understand what's really important"), he hasn't understood Akiho's feelings nor his own, yet. And he keeps insisting in disregarding his life like it's nobody's business. The very core of the problem that will persist till chapter 70 lies all there.

Small detail I like to point out: Kaito's time magic isn't infinite. After he exerted himself on stopping Akiho's book, the magic he used to stop time for everyone literally starts to crumble apart, signifying that its effect will vanish very soon. This will happen again later on, in a *very* different situation.

Whenever Kaito's magic focus falls short, whether it's due to physical or emotional matters, his magic is affected and falls apart.

And with this scene of the beginning of volume 8 I will conclude this second part of my analysis! 💜

I have to be honest, when I started this "project", it was totally propelled by the strong feelings that chapter 70 gave me, but I thought I would finish this in 1, 2 posts maximum....but along the way, I found myself wanting to talk about so many scenes 😂that I'm not even sure I'll be able to finish this within the 3rd post 😂😂😂especially cause later on there'll be more and more hints scattered around...god help me 😅

At this point I can say for sure that part 3 will come after the release of chapter 71, so see you later for my monthly translation + commentary post!! 😉

[icewindandboringhorror]

this is not the exact one I watched but I saw one of these "dish scape" things at someone's house who actually has TV (like they pay for dish/cable instead of just watching stuff online) and I think they're meant to be relaxing atmospheric stuff that you mostly ignore, but I sat there for 35 minutes watching absolutely engrossed.. further proof that I genuinely think my brain is incapable of experiencing boredom lol..

[trashlie]

In light of ep 179, we revisit revisit the development of Nol and Shinae’s friendship

Who is ready for another found of Ashlie Being EXTREMELY Ashlie starring me, going through old episodes and digging up things to overanalyze? 179 sheds such fascinating insight on the way Nol approached and befriended people, I HAD to go back through and re-examine both his approach and when and how those friendships began to feel real to him, with an emphasis on Shinae.

I will also shortly be putting together a part two follow up, which I’ll link to here once it’s ready! 

In light of the reveal that Nol never really intended to actually be anyone’s friend - that he was trying to rebalance the good and the bad, to improve someone else’s life since he couldn’t improve his own, that he wanted to do good for someone without committing - I decided to revisit some past scenes that always gave me pause, or that I think are especially interesting to revisit with what we know and how it may have changed from what we used to believe. Like most people, I was operating under the assumption that while yes, Nol seemed to really hate himself, I thought he sought out friends he saw himself in and offered the kind of friendships he wanted in return. I was so sure that he treated Shinae the way he wished people would treat him - and while I’m not discounting that there’s probably still some truth to that - acknowledging the additional layers of his mentality in seeking these half-baked relationships makes reviewing certain scenes really fascinating. 

I’ll have to do a full reread, I think, to determine when exactly I think the friendships became real for Nol. I’m inclined to think it was around the arcade episodes, but I’m not entirely certain. Maybe that’s when it starts to trigger? I feel like something about the introduction of Yui in an episode when Nol is out having fun, seeming to drop the worries that plague him, enjoying the presence of these people he’s collected to help, feels like it’s sending him a reminder: you aren’t allowed to care about these people. And what better time for him to start becoming aware of what they meant to him? 

In fact, by the time Nol and Shinae meet again at the Hirahara office when Rika is finding out how Shinae can apply for a job, I think Nol has an easiness with her that suggests a real friendship is blooming? However, there’s definitely things I’ve questioned about those episodes that stay on my mind: why is Nol so insistent about working with friends, is there any meaning to his dejected expression when Kousuke whisks him off to dinner, and what’s up in the car? 

Here’s the thing: he’s obviously pushing it because it is his karmic duty or whatever to help her in whatever way he can. If a job would make things better for her, he’s going to encourage and support her as her friend (using it in bold to imply that this is his intention as Nol-balancing-the-good-and-bad not Yeonggi being a pal). In fact, he actually literally states “I’d love to work alongside friends“ in bold which is giving me pause in retrospect. Is it just because he didn’t TRULY think of her as a friend yet, that it was all fake? But my other thing is, Nol knows that Shinae isn’t exactly eager for his friendship, so if he’s pushing her to apply because FWIENDSHIP you’d think he wouldn’t use friendship as the enticer because why would she bite at that? Is it something that he’s not aware of? I can’t imagine that’s so. At any rate, he’s clearly egging her on in his quest to help improve her state of being, but boy the way he goes about it is weird. 

Secondly, when Kousuke is dragging Nol out to eat, Nol wears a long expression and seems like he’s glancing back towards her - he actually does turn back and wave goodbye. This is something that makes me wonder if by this point Nol was already growing fond of Shinae as a friend. I mean, obviously he is no mood to go off with Kousuke and sit through dinner with him and listen to him insult him further, but it’s just the way his expression seems to direct towards Shinae that makes me think that maybe, even without him realizing it, Nol is feeling even worse to leave behind a friend and have to go to dinner with Kousuke. 

There’s a lot of other things I continue to question about that entire couple of episodes - like, what’s with the stand off with Nol and Kousuke both take off their coats? I continue to baffle over that one because I know it’s not about Shinae. I also used to question if the little smile Nol wears after Kousuke attempts to eat the burger with his hands was a smile that Kousuke was, for once, trying something very normal, but now days, I’m willing to bet it’s a more perverse pleasure at seeing Kousuke pushed into doing something that made him uncomfortable, a quiet, mean-spirited enjoyment? 

But the other thing that brings me back to that series of episodes is in the car when Nol covers Shinae with his jacket. I’ve ALWAYS contemplated that series of expressions he wears: going from a probably forced Yeonggi smile to the expression dropping a bit and a sweat drop appearing to a genuinely sad expression before he turns to look out the window. I never really was sure what I thought it meant before but now I think we have enough light to glean a little more from it. This is, of course, sheer conjecture, but I have to wonder if it’s a moment of Nol and his Yeonggi persona warring - this acknowledgment that he’s doing these things to “be a nice person” (but a truly nice person doesn’t have that stipulation attached) and maybe even feeling a fondness for her as a friend before remembering that he’s not allowed to feel that, that he’s not supposed to care about any of these people, that it’s dangerous to actually befriend people. I don’t know when Nol would have had to take his tests to apply to Oxford, but I wonder if by that point he already knew his plans, and entangling with anyone knew made him feel guilty? Again, conjecture. 

At any rate, I think it’s around this time that Nol is starting to realize these people are his friends - truly his friends, that it’s becoming real, and maybe is even internalizing that there’s something very wrong with treating people like friends when you don’t intend to keep them as such - and moreso, that he ENJOYS being their friends and wants to maintain that friendship. And Kousuke is very aware of this. I think this is important to note, because though Kousuke does not realize that Nol pretends to maintain these friendships, he does see these little moments that Nol probably thinks are private going unseen, he does see the “effect” Shinae has on him - which I’m using loosely because, again, I think it’s Kousuke interpreting Nol’s behavior differently from what it is. I think it’s also important to highlight for posts to come re: Kousuke and Shinae in regards to Nol, but that’s a post for another day.

By the time Nol is hanging out at the Wac during Shinae’s shift, I think Nol’s in a deeper conflict with his feelings. From what we know now, obviously he feels like he has an obligation to help her, because again, he’s trying to make other peoples’ lives better, he’s trying to rebalance the good and the bad, to do something nice for people. But his sense of obligation - staying the entire shift, ordering more nuggets when he thinks she needs a reprieve from shitty customers, the urging her to follow up on her application - all feel like extra steps. Now, we can also argue that Nol was probably very much like this with Soushi and Dieter. From the way he throws around the word cute and says things like “then I can see you more”, I think Nol pushes his boundaries a lot without thinking about the repercussions, so going above and beyond to help Shinae get a job isn’t out of line. But it’s also possible that going above and beyond is what leads him to truly care about these people, as real friends. 

When Nol tells Shinae “I really am just trying to be a decent friend” there’s no weird emphasis on friends, his eyes are open (though he turns away so we can’t really see his face). This, plus the way he calls to follow up on her application, both make me think that it’s safe to say that by this point, Nol sees Shinae as a real friend, whether or not he’s admitting it to himself yet. It might be why he actually backed off, too; he acknowledged that he was going too far and as a friend that wasn’t okay. I realize this implies that Nol didn’t respect Shinae before their friendship became real for him, but perhaps it’s simply that he grew to respect her even more, because now he realized this friendship went both ways, and he didn’t want to make things worse for her. It went against the very thing he was trying to achieve. 

This is something I wanted to establish because I think by the time of the Kim formal, Nol and Shinae are friends. We know it’s the night that she finally accepts his friendship and feels a bond with him, but I think it’s also the night Nol acknowledges to himself something he’s figured out as truth, that has BEEN true. Somewhere in the span of the arcade to the the Wac, Nol has come to enjoy Shinae’s friendship - not as as person helping her, but as a friend. 

I think we see a marked transition in how Nol treats Shinae the friend at the formal vs how he treated Shinae the person he’s helping prior. Before he was trying to pull her out of her comfort zone, he was trying to lead her to things he thought would benefit her (the job, getting her more comfortable with Dieter, the way he all but pushed his friendship on her), but afterwards, he’s REALLY respectful of the boundary that Shinae drew, like really conscious of it and trying to not cross it. I know that seems like such a minor thing but I think it’s safe to say that at this point Nol is respecting Shinae as a friend. And the whole night he does this. Lines like let me know if I’m pushing your boundaries, I don’t want to push your limits, he remains mindful of Shinae’s comfort and boundary. Everything he does during the formal feels like the act of a concerned friend, a genuine friend. For Shinae, this is especially important, because Nol essentially becomes a lifeline to her during what will turn into her worst night ever. 

Bear with me, this was the entire inspiration for this long post: the dance with Kousuke. 

A theory I enjoyed musing about was that when Nol catches sight of Shinae laughing as he tries to make her relax during the dance, it’s the moment he realizes he likes her/starts to like her/it kickstarts feelings. Quimchee was once asked on curiouscat what Nol is into and her answer was something about a nice smile, so you can see where the theory came from. These days I don’t think Nol was catching feels at the moment - especially now that we know what his state of misery was, now that we know his friends were all meant to repair his karma, now that we know he truly believes his situation can never change or become better. Nol barely allowed himself to admit he cared about friends, I don’t think he has been developing romantic feelings. HOWEVER that’s clearly still an important moment - there would be no reason otherwise to highlight his widened eye, his shock at seeing her react to his efforts with laughter. 

That is the moment, I think, that Nol realizes and admits it to himself: Shinae is a friend and he cares about her and he cares about her happiness. Doing something dumb during a moment that she’s uncomfortable and watching it work, watching it bring her laughter, has an effect on her, and the effect is realizing that he cares about this friend and he’s not just repaying bad with good. He’s being a friend. 

When Shinae goes to talk to him after the dance and he returns her jacket, they have a moment that I have ALWAYS pondered over. “Shinae. We’re friends, right?” Nol asks wearing his fake smile mask. I used to think it was insecurity, because he’d tried so hard to win her friendship but now that we know he wasn’t really trying to BE friends, just faking it, I think it’s easier to read it now as, perhaps, Nol testing the waters. The realization that yeah, they ARE friends. That it’s a reciprocal friendship, that he’s done the unfathomable and once again allowed a person to mean something to him, to become a person he cares about. He’s sounding it out because now he’s realized it is real. 

Which is funny, because that brings me to something else that I’ve always wondered about. When Kousuke is accusing Nol of being a skirt chaser (good lord), Nol delivers the line “What’s it gonna take for people to understand I’m only seeking something platonic. Just because she’s a girl and I’m a dude people assume I want something else” with his eyes closed. I touched on this in another post but the short version is: it’s easy to read this like Nol is lying and that he IS seeking something that isn’t platonic or something like that, because why else are his eyes closed. This isn’t a facade kind of eyes closed. But I think it’s because the lie is that Nol does want something else - he’s not even intentionally seeking friendship, it’s meant to be fake, but he’s out here acting sincerely as a friend, when he wasn’t supposed to get close to anyone. When all he wanted all along WAS something else - to help someone and balance out the good and the bad. 

And instead, he ended up with a genuine friend. 

(I do continue to muse over the moment that Kousuke asks Nol why he didn’t interrupt them and Nol merely looks at him without replying. Is it simply that he can’t believe Kousuke thinks that of him? Is it that he knows an interruption would have been even more embarrassing for Shinae? Is it that Kousuke didn’t even notice that the reason Shinae loosened up had nothing to do with him or her becoming comfortable but because it was Nol? That he did his part without making a scene?) 

Anyway I think that moment of Nol realizing that “oh no I care about Shinae oh no she’s my friend” is especially important to highlight for the rest of what follows. Firstly, when Sangchul pushes Nol’s buttons, it involves Shinae and Alyssa. He’s stopped when Sangchul calls Shinae his bitch and it’s made worse when he brings up Alyssa and suddenly Nol doesn’t hold back. These are his friends and he is responding not as a person helping them but as someone who cares about them and their wellbeing. In fact, Nol has already dealt with two extreme encounters related to this.

One: When Kousuke has the audacity to imply Nol should be with Alyssa instead of concerned about Shinae, Nol enters a deal with him, full well knowing what will come of it.

Two: Nol runs into his father and finally stands up to him, willing to accept his wrath, because finding his friend in danger is far more important. 

Regarding his father, Nol knows very well what his defiance can cost him, but he’s worried enough about Shinae that it’s a risk he’s willing to take. Notably, too, he refers to Shinae as a friend and there’s no implications he’s lying. Not only is his fake friendship real, but it’s worth defying his father. 

(Of course it’s worth noting: Nol already believes that caring about people leads to their harm. He believes that he makes bad things happen, that the good and bad balance is off and bad will continue to follow him. So, it’s safe to assume that as well as acknowledging that he cares about Shinae, he also believes she’s in danger because of him, because he cared about her and now he has to fix this, too. But that also leads to my next point.) 

When Nol tells Kousuke he’ll do whatever he asks of him until the end of the year, he already knows what it will be. Kousuke has already told Nol to limit his interactions with Shinae, is already trying to sever their friendship. Nol is locking himself into a promise that he will use to his benefit, because knowing that a. his friendship is not as fake as he pretended and b. another person he cares about is in danger, I think Nol has already decided to sever the tie himself. Knowing that Kousuke will tell him to stay away from Shinae, Nol makes a deal when all he had to do was walk off and ignore Kousuke. He’s already made up his mind. He’s going to help Shinae and then he’s out of here.

It wasn’t the guilt of dropping her into the pool. 

It was knowing that once again harm befell someone he cared about.

(And likely both cases involve Yui.) 

The fact that not only was Nol unable to help Shinae but it was him who dropped them, he’s the reason Shinae fell into the water and hit her head is obviously a heavy weight of guilt, and it merely proves to himself that he’s correct: that he cannot be friends with Shinae (or anyone else for that matter), that she is yet another in a list of people hurt because of proximity to him. Who was he kidding? Who did he think he is, believing that maybe he could have friends after all? 

And thus begins Nol’s quiet exit, his attempt to extricate himself from the lives of those he’s grown to care about (and his subsequent inability to do so). 

Now I don’t think the balcony scene at the hospital is necessarily changed by the revelations that Nol never sought out Shinae’s friendship for real as much as just gives further weight to moments that already resonate. When Nol talks about how it’s his guilt that brought him back, that it’s his fault she ended in the hospital - it’s not simply about dropping her. It’s his guilt that he got close to her, his guilt that he cared when he knew better, his guilt that (as he believes) he was punished for daring to do what he knew he couldn’t and she was the one harmed, to remind him he can never change his circumstances, he can never have better. 

(It’s funny, how they both carry this sense of guilt. Shinae, too, thinks none of this would have happened if Nol had never taken it upon himself to look after her and take care of her. She feels the weight of being important to someone like a burden, that she’s caused people to worry, that because people care about her they’ve done rash, stupid things. Both of them feel so much guilt!) 

Anyway, i think it’s really worth revisiting that episode fresh off the back of 179. It really brings an added weight to those ambiguous thought bubbles: “I’m pathetic”, “what do you even see in me, I’m just a waste of time”, “I don’t deserve you”, “I’m the bother”, Nol’s arm always reaching for what he never allows himself to grasp. Though their circumstances are different - Shinae feels like she’s failing a friend who has been nothing but good and taking out her emotions on him undservingly; Nol has come to realize how much he cares about Shinae and how he doesn’t deserve her for the way he’s lied and tricked her, for the way he tried to be something he wasn’t so how dare he think he deserves her friendship, he’s just a waste of time - they share this same sentiment towards one and other and I think in light of episode 180 it’s even more poignant. Nol and Shinae don’t know much about each other at all, but this moment at the hospital stitches them together, no matter how hard Nol tries to run away later. The emotional resonance that binds them operates at the same frequency as the other. It’s what brings them back to each other over and over, even when Nol has told himself not to. It’s what makes them so important to each other. 

How can Nol move on from that? That vulnerable moment of Shinae clinging to his coat and crying, something so private and exposing, the way he provides her that moment of reprieve, a safe place to let it out, and his realization that maybe Shinae’s problems are bigger than he’d once thought, not something easily fixed by his saccharine smiles and sweetness. I don’t think it’s until later that he registers just how bad it is, but it might be the beginning of Nol realizing that Shinae suffers more than he realizes, more than she lets anyone in. How is he supposed to walk away from her after they’ve established that connection, this intimate moment of vulnerability that changes the way he sees her? 

I’ll be saving THAT for the next post, though, because there’s a couple moments in particular that I really want to give time to. Nol tries so very hard to make his escape, to slip away, but unfortunately for him it’s not as easy as he expected because not only did Shinae come to embrace his friendship, but their shared experience and now mutual-trauma at the hands of Yui has brought them together, bound by a moment of vulnerability from a girl who tried so hard to fortify her walls. For Shinae, that whole night is a nightmare, half a blur that she can’t remember, a fall she has no recollection of, waking up in a hospital with no recollections of an attempted assault. It leaves her vulnerable and feeling small and the small source of comfort to her through the night was the very person who now feels he is nothing but a danger to her, that he must remove himself from her life if he’s to protect her.

And isn’t that sad? That he cares enough about his friends that he wants to protect them, but foolishly believes the only way he can do that is by leaving them?

This is what leads to my next post: how Nol is so dedicated to his cause, but also so often derailed, and how this factors into the growth and development of his relationship with Shinae. Simply put, the weight of Shinae’s importance is so heavy that not even his own moral compass can keep him on what he believes is the right path. 

[yellowlaboratory]

Coming over for anon love week! I have accepted the pogue lyfe t shirt company as canon pre-canon, I can't believe how accurately you write the characters. Everything you write them to say or do is so incredible and in character that it could be canon. The pogue lyfe t shirt company made me smile and cry in equal measure it was truly amazing and it definitely caused an addiction to your writing! Thank you for sharing your talent with us!

anon!! you are too sweet!! this is so kind, thank you so much for joining in on anon love week and being so positive in everyone's inboxes. I think it's amazing and, like i told the last anon, I adore you, I think you are a ball of sunshine, and I want to be your best friend. thank you so much!!!

[sillyfudgemonkeys]

P3 Fandom, apparently: Full Moon Full Life???? What???? No Burn my dread???? Noooo! THis game sucks! Me, blinking in Soul Phrase: .............sooooo will this one be remixed in the final fight too? Or is it just gonna be Burn My Dread Last battle again?..... ;w; it's gonna be the BMD LB again..... orz

[eff-plays]

Ok so I watched the interview with Stephen Rooney, Astarion's writer, and here are some highlights. (I'm an aspiring writer and current game design student who wants to write for games so I'm sorry if some of these insights aren't as interesting to you as they are to me <3)

He calls Astarion his "horrible little vampire boy"

He loves seeing the fandom around Astarion<3

He did write other characters in the game, but mostly NPCs surrounding Astarion or his storyline, so it mostly revolved around Astarion

Astarion is not as connected to other companions/Origins as, for example, Lae'zel and Shadowheart, or Wyll and Karlach are to each other, but he is still reactive to their stories, even if it's just to stand off to the side and laugh when something terrible happens

He had a clear sense of where Astarion's story would start and end, but it got "muddy in the middle", but those are also moments where the best ideas come from

They write from the general idea that every character has one "good" and one "evil" ending, in order to give the player choice. RIP Ascendant apologists :(

According to Stephen, two of the most important aspects of Astarion's character (to keep consistent when bringing him to Idle Champions, at least) is that he enjoys violence, but is also fun about it

"He has a certain appreciation for violence, I guess? A bit of a murdery streak. [...] He's a vampire, he's all about blood, and he's all about, kind of, those darker sides of humanity. [..] But at the same time, he is ... He is really fun, he's really fun to write, he's really fun to have in your party, and it's very important for me that that is also represented."

"He's gonna stab you, but will have a smile on his face as he does it? I mean, I dunno. That's kind of him in a nutshell."

Larian would not have allowed for Astarion to be a typical brooding Dracula type, and there were scenes that were shot down for not being original enough

The main thing about Astarion was trying to get a "sense of fun." It would be easy to write a character that was very unlikable, and they absolutely did not want to do that

Rooney says Astarion is consistently terrible throughout the game and awful in a whole lot of ways, but he also needed to be charming enough that you could tolerate his presence and wanted him around

Rooney also had a lot of input on Astarion's stats (meaning the 10 Charisma is probalby 100% intentional)

He also had input on how certain lines should be delivered, even though the writers didn't directly work with voice actors

The way Astarion moves and poses is "all Neil"

Apparently, Neil Newbon worked on the character for years and Rooney did not speak to him once, though his voice work did influence how Astarion's lines were written and it became a "feedback loop" (Possible context for "ONLY SLIGHTLY, NEIL")

There were no points where a line delivery drastically changed Astarion's writing; rather it was a constant, slow evolution

However, there was one very spoilery moment where Neil gave such emotion to some "basic" lines that it fundamentally changed the scene (WHAT IS IT OMG)

It's difficult to balance approval, as you don't want to straight up write a monster. Every character needs to have some humanity in them. So if it comes to leaving the party, it needed to be the result of something central to said character. They wanted to be mindful of situations that would cause actual rifts between characters. (I assume this is why most generic disapprovals/approvals are +/- 1 or 2, while character-related ones give +/-5 or more)

However, as they don't write straight up horrible people/monsters, it doesn't come up as often as one might think.

The interviewer makes a point about how characters like Astarion and Lae'zel are good examples of how to play "evil" characters, as they are maybe not the best people but are still eager and willing to stick around the other party members

They worked to make sure the characters would work as a group, no matter the configuration of the group. The characters needed to be on the same path, even if they don't always agree or walk that path the same way.

Stephen Rooney is very proud of the "climactic" scene of Astarion's story. (AS HE SHOULD BE.) He even had to step away from the computer and have an emotional moment. Me too, man.

He's also "extremely pleased" that there's a point where you can punch Astarion in the face. "Actually, that one might be my favorite part" A MAN OF THE PEOPLE!!

Stephen Rooney's tip on what specific thing you should try out with Astarion: When he's trying to get a "sneaky nibble" at night, you should "probably" let him bite you. Way ahead of you there, sir.

No discussion about Astarion's romance unfortunately, but that's that!

[trivia-yandere]

Hi!!!! Okay, first of all, I'm in love with your writing!!!!!! 💕💕💕💕And I was wondering (I've never done a story request so if it is horrible, please just ignore it 😅) but I was wondering if you could write a story of maybe yandereboyfriend/friend jungkook kinda forces older (not heaps but like 2-5 years older but shes just shy and confused when it comws to sex and intimacy) reader to loose her virginity to him and she likes it at the end?? If this is super uncomfortable, please don't even think about it 😅😶‍🌫️👉👈 or if you wanna do something completely different, I'd love your writing anyways!!!! 💕💕💕💕💕

hello! yes I can :) thank you for sending a request and being so patient! i feel like this yandere is more light than the usual lol

best friends!

jungkook doesn't like the idea of you wanting to loose your virginity to anyone that wasn't him. @momnomnom @sweetempathprunetree @darkuni63 @minshookie29 idol version

word count: 6.100

warning: naive/shy reader, mentions of watching porn, childhood friends jungkook + reader, smut scenes, coercion, masturbation, manipulation, light yandere tedancies, jealous jungkook, dub-con moments, dry humping, kissing, nipple sucking, oral sex, loss of virginity, rough sex, dacryphilia, fingering, unprotected sex, spitting,

“You’ll never be able to seduce a man, Noona.” Jungkook laughs boisterously, causing your face to heat up. “You’re just too shy.”

Jungkook’s eyes watch as your arms cross over your chest, any self-confidence you had slowly falling. He hums, turning over on his bed to face you. He then places a hand on your thigh. “Noona…”

“Stop calling me that, Jungkook.” you murmur. He knows that you prefer to be called by your name, but he’d often ignore you because of how much he enjoys teasing you, even after years of friendship. 

“You’re upset with me.” says Jungkook.

“I’ve stopped calling you Kookie like you asked.”

Jungkook snorts. “That’s because the nickname doesn’t fit me anymore. I’m a man.” his hand squeezes your thigh. “Besides, I said stop calling me that in public. You and I are alone now.”

You and Jungkook have been friends since childhood, your father and his being great friends. The age difference never bothered you as much, and you’d often recall calling Jungkook your baby brother during his primary and middle school days - you having been homeschooled. It was when Jungkook grew in size and age and reached High School did he demand you stop calling him that but never gave a reason as to why.

Even now, as Jungkook and you are adults, the friendship remains. You went to him for whatever you thought you needed and he was there. Moving away from your father had been a big step and finding a job to support yourself was even bigger, but you were never truly alone because you had Jungkook - you and he living together.

Jungkook was the opposite of you. While your job consisted of you being home, he wasn’t. He made friends easily while you remained with a close knit circle. He was more social when needed and you often closed up around people you didn’t know. Most of your friends were Jungkook’s friends that he considered brothers - you recall asking him why he considered them family and not you. Jungkook didn’t give you any reason, stating that you’d never be a sister in his eyes, no matter if he knew you longer or not.

Now you and Jungkook lay in his bed, an action that he insisted on every so often, and watched tv. He’d often hold you, his breath tickling your ear with how close he was. A certain thought now laid on your mind and when you brought it up to Jungkook, his initial thought was to laugh at you. 

“I didn’t mean to hurt you, Y/N.” Jungkook sighs. He pushes himself closer to you, the hand on your thigh firmly keeping you in place. “It’s just…you don’t go out much. You’ve been homeschooled your entire life and you don’t really have friends besides the ones I have.”

Jungkook continues. “You literally cried the first time I showed you porn.” he tries his hardest not to laugh at the memory of you and he, both in High School. You had come over to his home while his parents were working. Jungkook had asked you about it randomly, and when you insisted that you never watched something as normal as porn, he insisted that you and he watch together. 

You’re flushed with heat at the embarrassing memory. “You…” you take a deep breath so your voice wouldn’t crack. “You told me it was just sex.”

“Is it not?” Jungkook knits his brows. 

“They were crying!”

“In pleasure.” says Jungkook. “I should have started you off easy and not gone into bondage.” low, he begins to laugh. It’s a memory that he’s fond of. “But I don’t regret showing you either. It was the first time you came!”

A memory you wished Jungkook would forget - and stop bringing up. That same night he insisted on teaching you about masturbation, telling you that it was normal. You’ve never done so before, feeling weird about it all together, but Jungkook wouldn’t allow you to leave until you at least gave it a try. 

“You even cried in pleasure.” 

Jungkook closes his eyes, the scene flashing in his mind. How innocent you appeared, completely confused on what in the world you were doing. It was then did Jungkook tell you that he’d talk you through it. It took a half an hour of convincing, of course. Getting you out of your pants, then your underwear. 

“Open your legs, Y/N.” Jungkook had said, grabbing your wrist. “Put your fingers right…there.” he places them onto your clit and you flinch at the feeling. “Then rub…” he murmured, his hand coaching you to rub until you got the hang of it.

Jungkook will never forget the sight and how hard he was at just watching you. Your breathing hitching, the low moans and the calls of his name. It’s a memory he cherishes with you - his best friend - and one of the main reasons as to why he’d never call you his sister; he had to dead that immediately afterwards. 

“Who are you trying to seduce anyways?” Jungkook changes the subject and goes back to the original topic. “You found yourself a boyfriend?”

“No.” you quip. “I-I just want to have sex.”

Jungkook raises a brow. “Why?”

“You have sex all the time.” you retort. You didn’t like Jungkook’s question, nor the look in his eyes. 

“I’m also not a virgin.” Jungkook fires back. “You can’t just have sex with anyone, Y/N. Don’t you think it has to be special?”

“Your first time wasn’t with anyone special.” you murmur. “Do you even talk to her anymore?”

Jungkook snickers. “Don’t remember her name.” he shrugs. “But you and I are different. Sex is different for women.” Jungkook says matter-of-factly. “You women create bonds with guys you give your body to. You can’t have that bond with just anyone.”

It was a conversation Jungkook and you had time and time again. As you got older, you were tired of being a virgin - and dating was never an option. Not because you couldn’t find a boyfriend - you could. You had men come up to you asking for your number and if you’d be interested in going on dates. 

The problem was Jungkook. He lingered around you often, and you never minded. He was your best friend and each man that tried were always shot down by him, not you. “He’s ugly.” Jungkook said about one man. “He looks like he doesn’t even shower, Y/N. Why he thinks he can speak to you is beyond me.” was said about another. “Men only want one thing. They can tell that you’ve never been touched.”

“What about Hoseok?”

Jungkook is quiet for a moment, your question lingering in his mind.

Hoseok?

Hoseok.

Jung Hoseok as his friend - the man he calls his brother?

There’s a dark look in Jungkook’s eyes as he thinks about your question. 

“Do you like him?”

“I love Hoseok.” you say calmly. “Like I love you.”

Jungkook doesn’t realize that his nails are digging into your skin until he hears you yelp. There was no way in Hell you love Hoseok the same as you loved him; the thought makes him want to gag.

“Why Hoseok?”

You aren’t sure how to respond. “I’ve known him for years.” was all you can think of. You and he were around the same age and he was nice, always smiling widely at you whenever he came around. “Maybe Namjoon?”

Jungkook swallows.

“You look at my friends often?”

There’s a change in Jungkook’s tone that has you cowering.

“I-I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Do you want to fuck my friends?” 

You’re taken aback by the harshness in Jungkook’s tone. 

“I…I don’t know anyone else but your friends.”

Jungkook snickers. He wasn’t going to allow you and Hoseok - or Namjoon, hell, anyone - to do anything. Hoseok is a man such as he is and the thought of his taking something precious from you was driving him wild. Wild because he knows that if you asked Hoseok, he would.

“No.” Jungkook shakes his head. “Hoseok has a girlfriend.”

A lie, but you’d never know that.

“Oh.” you appeared bummed. “Nam-”

“No.”

You swallow. “Jimin…?”

“Do you fantasize about them?”

You’ve know his friends as long as he has, and now he’s wondering when you had the thought of fucking them in your mind. 

“I just want to have sex.” you sigh in defeat, not wanting to cause a fight with Jungkook.

“Why wouldn’t you ask me?”

Jungkook doesn’t care how unreasonably spoiled he may sound. You were his best friend, after all. He kept creeps away from you who wanted nothing but to wet their cocks. You were safe with him in the home you and he shared - he’d be damned if he’d allow a man to come in here and fuck you.

You’re silent, and Jungkook continues. 

“You don’t love me.”

Your eyes widen when you feel Jungkook remove himself from you.

“I do.” you quip. “I-I just…I don’t have anyone else. I’m tired of not knowing what it feels like.” watching television with sexual scenes had you wondering if sex was truly as good as they made it seem. You recall hearing from Taehyung, another friend of Jungkook, that porn is often fake and not everything you see was real - but how could it not be when their eyes are rolling and they’re screaming with such passion?

“If you loved me, Y/N, you’d ask me.”

Your heart sinks when Jungkook lifts from his lying position. You hated arguing with him. He was someone you loved and trusted with your life - him being upset with you had your anxiety spiking.

“I thought you had someone you were seeing.” you admit. You recall seeing her a few times in the home. She never spoke, but then again neither did you. She would stroll past you to enter Jungkook’s bedroom and only ever gave you a small grin. 

“Oh her.” Jungkook brushes past the statement. “I am. Somewhat.” he shrugs his shoulders. Her contemplated asking her out - she was decent looking and a good fuck. But he didn’t love her nor respect her enough to make her his girlfriend. He was just bored at the moment. “Why does that matter?”

The same way it matters that Hoseok had a girlfriend, you think. You want to say it, but you didn’t want to upset Jungkook anymore than he already was. “I don’t want to come between that.”

Jungkook wants to laugh. “I don’t love her. I love you.” Jungkook says, a tone in his voice that indicates that it should be obvious. “You are my best friend. You should be able to come to me when you need me. Not anyone else.”

You lift yourself up from the bed, as well, and you slowly nod your head. “Sorry.” you murmur.

Jungkook turns to face you, a full smile on his lips. “It’s okay. I’ll forgive you, Y/N.” Jungkook holds his hand out for you to grab. 

You do, and Jungkook lightly tugs you closer. You and he are face to face now.

“Sex is more than just losing your virginity.” Jungkook’s thumb rubs your knuckles. “Sex should be pleasurable for both of us. Masturbation is a form of sex. You’ve done that already.”

You nod slowly, feeling hot. 

“Tell me, Y/N.” Jungkook says. “When you masturbate, what makes you cum?”

You lick your lips, again embarrassed. You swallow while trying to find the words to answer Jungkook.

“When you watch porn, what do you like?” Jungkook changes the question up, and understands how shy you were - even with him. 

Jungkook waits patiently for you to respond. “I-I…” you glance away from him. His eyes were always so piercing, like small black holes that can swallow anyone whole. 

“Don’t be shy. We’re best friends, right?” Jungkook pulls you closer to him. “If you loved me, Y/N, you’ll tell me. I can’t help you if you don’t let me in.”

You nod. “Oral sex?” your words come out questioningly. 

Jungkook nods. “Okay. That’s a start. Oral sex is a big part of sex. It’s a form of foreplay. Get things started.”

“I don’t think you should do that.” you’re horrified with Jungkook’s face being so close to your sex. Yes, he’s seen it before - years ago - but that was then. He was a man now and he’s had sex with countless women.

“Why not?” Jungkook tilts his head. 

You’re silent, and Jungkook sighs. “You don’t trust me.”

“I do!” 

“Then why don’t you trust me to pleasure you? You’d rather go to my friends than trust me, Y/N. How do you think that makes me feel?”

“I’m sorry.” you quip. “I just don’t think it…looks good?”

Jungkook blinks. 

You swallow.

“Of course it looks good.” Jungkook then laughs. “I’ve already seen it.”

“That was years ago.” you murmur, casting your eyes away. 

“True. But still. You trust and love me just like I trust and love you.” Jungkook places a hand on your cheek for you to look at him. “If we’re going to do this, you can’t hide your body from me. I’ll have to show you mine, too.”

You nod your head.

“We can start now.”

You inhale deeply. You don’t move, and when Jungkook notices he frowns. 

“Y/N. What did I say?”

“Don’t hide from you.” you murmur. 

“Exactly. Here. I’ll help you take your clothes off and you can do the same for me.”

Jungkook is slow when he puts his hands at the end of your shirt. He lifts it up and you stiffen, unsure of what to do next. The shirt comes over your head and Jungkook throws it aside. 

“Okay?” asks Jungkook, his eyes glancing down to the bra you’re wearing. It’s red and basic, but it hugs your breast perfectly. 

You only nod.

“Okay.” Jungkook then goes towards your leggings. They’re tight, but he manages to get his hands inside. He begins to tug and awkwardly, you lift yourself up so he can remove them. Your panties are black and cotton.

“Now you do the same to me.” Jungkook says. He understands you by now, knowing that you’d never take the first move. He grabs your wrists and walks you through it. “Go ahead.”

You’re trembling, you note, as you remove Jungkook’s shirt - an oversize black shirt. You often are reminded how much Jungkook has grown over the years, going from a boy to a man. He worked out often and was athletic. He had many tattoos that litter his skin - you had gone with him for a few of them and pondered how he could sit so calmly. 

“I’ll get up to make it easier.” Jungkook lifts from his bed and waits for you to continue. You’re as slow as before, hands trembling more than before. You tug at the sweats he wore, watching as they fall to the ground. You try to hide the fact that you gawk at the bulge in his briefs, swallowing at the sight. 

“Y/N.”

You blink up to look at Jungkook.

“You trust me, right?”

You nod your head.

“Okay.” Jungkook gives you a grin. “Come here.”

Jungkook leans down, his hand grasping your chin. He no longer hesitates or holds back, placing his lips upon yours.

You’re shocked, completely stiff, but Jungkook doesn’t mind. You’ll give into him eventually - it may take a few rounds, but you will.

You’re pushed backwards, back hitting the mattress. Jungkook hovers above you, his hands placing themselves onto your shoulders to keep you in place. 

You gasp for air when Jungkook removes his lips from yours, but then they’re trailing down your jawline to your neck. You’re breathing heavily, unsure what to do.

“You can touch me.” says Jungkook, as if reading your mind. “Don’t just lay there.”

Jungkook continues to kiss at your neck, his left hand leaving your shoulder and grabs your hand. He places it upon his chest for you to take the lead. His hand then goes to your waist to pull you closer to him. 

Your heart thumps that this is happening now - you and Jungkook. Goosebumps litter your skin, the hair standing straight up. But you do as you’re told, hand grabbing Jungkook’s bicep and squeezing it. 

Jungkook forces your legs apart, wrapping them around his waist. You yelp when you feel him, his bulge grinding directly against you. There’s a deep groan from Jungkook that you hear coming from your neck. 

“You have to engage.” Jungkook lifts slightly to look at your face. “Kiss me like I’m kissing you.”

You’re left stunned when Jungkook flips the both of you, his own back hitting the mattress and now you’re on top of him. He places his hands on your hips, a smirk on his lips. “It’ll be easier for you this way. I’ll let you take the lead.”

There’s a tension - one sided - when you lean down to his own neck.

“You’re still shy. It’s just me.” Jungkook sighs.

 It was easier for him to say. He wasn’t the virgin - or the closed off one that has been homeschooled. The only friend she kept was Jungkook, and his friends, but mainly Jungkook. There was no one she could go to that was the same sex that she could vent to about her frustrations. 

“Just let loose, Y/N. We’re friends. There’s nothing you can do that’ll make me view you differently.”

You try your best, even closing your eyes in hopes that’d be better. Your lips place themselves at the nape of Jungkook’s neck, and ever so gently did you kiss him. You allowed your hands to rub softly on his bare shoulders, kissing down his neck until you got to his collarbone.

Jungkook hums to himself, his cock twitching to be let loose from his underwear. 

You were adjusting - only a bit - but you’d soon be fully accepting. Jungkook allows his hands to dip from your waist and he grabs your ass fully in his grasp.

You swallow, hiding back the surprised gasp. You don’t want Jungkook to think you don’t trust him - because you do. You don’t want to appear utterly shy and closed off. You were older than Jungkook and he had to be the one to show you what life was like, as sad as it was.

“Okay. Now kiss me.” 

You nod your head. You want to avoid Jungkook’s gaze, but he doesn’t falter. “You’ll have to look at me eventually, Y/N.” Jungkook murmurs. 

“I know.” you murmur back, and now meet his eyes. Jungkook smiles when you do, and his head lifts slightly.

Your head dips down to capture his lips in yours once more. There’s a fire running through you this time at the feeling - no longer hesitant or awkward to kiss him. It felt…normal; as if this is something the two of you always did. 

Jungkook’s teeth catch your bottom lip and he lightly tugs. “Let loose.” he whispers, and then dives into your mouth again. This time, his tongue pushes past your teeth and meets your own, it’s warm and slimy, but it causes you to moan.

Jungkook’s hands grip your ass, keeping you firmly against his erection. He rubs up your sides for a moment, then on your back. His hands are now on your bra and he appears to be swift in unhooking it.

“Kookie…” you murmur against his lips.

“It’s okay.” Jungkook responds. “You trust me, remember?”

You nod, but trust doesn’t help with your self–consciousness. 

Jungkook tugs at your bra until it’s fully off of you. He disgards it, bare hands now taking your breast entirely. He doesn't care how heavy he’s breathing, or how rough his hands squeeze your breast.

“My pretty girl.” Jungkook praises.

 It’s weird hearing it - for you at least.

 Jungkook rarely compliments you - not because he doesn’t think you are, but because he never really has a reason to. He sees you the same everyday - his best friend who he has breakfast, occasionally lunch and dinner with. You’re the same Y/N that he shares movie nights with where the two of you cuddle and laugh at whatever was on the screen. 

Now, however, Jungkook has to compliment you. He has to let you know how beautiful you are now - a woman. You grew into your womanly curves over the years, hiding it behind loose clothing, but never truly hiding it. You never hid from him; occasionally wearing shorts that showed your legs and the roundness of your ass, or tank-tops that made your breast appear more plump.

You yelp when Jungkook pinches your nipple. He chuckles at your reaction. “So responsive.” he says, more to himself than to you. 

“W-What-”

Jungkook’s tongue licks on your nipple, shuddering at feeling. He couldn’t help but to bring it entirely into his mouth, tongue twirling and suckling on it while his free hand pinches the other. There’s a euphoric feeling engulfing him right now. Yes, he did think about you sexually at times - he was a man and he couldn’t help it. But this was far better than any feeling, any thought or dream he’s ever had. 

“Does it feel good?” Jungkook manages to say, popping your nipple from his mouth to just engulf the other one.

“Yes.”

You don’t intend to sound so soft and meek, moaning against Jungkook. But you couldn’t hide it any longer. You can feel the wetness between your legs, arousal pooling out - and Jungkook’s grinding didn’t make it any better.

“You can talk to me, Y/N. You can tell me how  much you like it. How I make you feel.” 

Jungkook kisses both of your nipples softly. 

“I-I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell me how you feel.” Jungkook repeats. “Here,” his right hand drops your breast and without warning, he slaps your ass. The sound echoes, as does you shriek. “I love the way your ass feels.” he then squeezes it in the palm of his hands. “I love the sweet moans coming from those pretty lips of yours.” he continues. 

You’re hot, Jungkook’s words cause a new sensation to run through you - nerves running through your body and meeting exactly between your legs. 

“It feels good when you touch me.” you say, admitting even if you want nothing more than to hide. 

“Yeah?” Jungkook lightly laughs. He squeezes your ass again. “What else?”

You huff, this time now hiding your face. Your head is between his shoulder and neck.

“It’s okay, pretty girl. Just tell me.” Jungkook encourages. “You trust me like I trust you.”

You sigh. Jungkook was going to be the death of you - you were going to die with embarrassment.

“I like the way you look.” 

Jungkook, again, is swift with his movement. He’s once more on top of you. He’s now forcing you to look at him - as if you weren’t embarrassed enough.

You go to cover yourself, but that wasn’t something Jungkook was going to allow. 

“Go on, Y/N.” Jungkook places a quick peck on your lips before he kisses down your neck to your collarbone. 

Your breath is shaky - but it was all Jungkook. His hands rub along your sides as his lips send kisses between your breasts, going lower and lower. “You make me feel…different.”

Jungkook’s lips are now on your stomach. “What’s different?”

“Wet…?”

Jungkook groans. His fingers are hooked between your panties and he wants nothing more than to remove them and dive in, but he’d remain calm for now.

“Look at me, Y/N.”

You hesitated. Not because you didn’t want to, but because you’re unsure what Jungkook had in store for you. 

You do, however, and Jungkook is now directly between your legs. Your thighs quiver at the sight. 

“What do you want me to do?” Jungkook asks, and before you can answer, he places a single kiss upon your clothed clit.

Your throat tightens.

Jungkook wasn’t going to stop. He wanted to hear you speak - hear your thoughts, whatever moans you had in you. He didn’t want you to be shy - not with him. He wasn’t a stranger and who else should be the one to take your virginity than him?

Not Hoseok.

Not Namjoon.

Not Jimin - none of his friends.

Just Jungkook.

Dare he say he was entitled to it - you were his best friend. He was there for whatever you needed him to be; and this was one thing you didn’t come to him for (not at first). You wanted his assistance in finding you someone. The thought still upsets him.

“Kookie.” you sigh, hands crashing to your face. 

“So shy.” Jungkook tsks. His hands grip your waist and he drags you to the edge of the bed, him falling to his knees before you. “I’ll take the lead.”

You feel your panties being tugged off. You’re unsure of what to do or say - you knew you had to keep breathing or you’d pass out. The coolness of the air hits you and now you fully accept that you’re naked for Jungkook, completely bare before his eyes to see.

You’re so wet, Jungkook notes, arousal coating your lips and thighs. The thought of how excited you’ve been and nothing has happened yet makes him groan, anticipating what's to come.

Your throat releases a gasp and instantly, your legs clench shut, caging Jungkook in.

“S-Sorry, i-”

“It’s okay, Y/N. Relax.” Jungkook laughs, a gleeful tone in his voice. He had done nothing but flick your clit with his tongue. “Watch me, okay?”

You nod your head.

Jungkook hooks his hands right on your thighs, holding them in a firm grip so you wouldn’t be easily reactive - not without him stopping you. He dips his head back between your legs, tongue dipping between your folds.

Your eyes flutter, unable to truly focus on Jungkook like he wants you to. 

The sight alone is filthy - his head bobbing back and forth while his tongue assaults your clit. Occasionally, his eyes would dart up to capture your reaction, satisfied that you no longer hid your moans from him.

But the noises Jungkook made were another thing. He suckles on your clit, completely ravishing you as if it was the finest meal. He’s animalistic, not caring. He would draw his head back and spit, then continue his assault upon your clit.

“Kookie, I-I, you need to stop.” you try to get away from Jungkook, but he doesn’t allow it. If anything, Jungkook holds you even tighter. You were going to cum, of course, never truly experiencing a man going down on you. Your stomach churns and you feel like you are going to explode. “Kookie, please stop…”

Jungkook’s eyes flicker up at you. Your eyes are snapped shut and there’s a few droplets trailing down your cheeks. Jungkook grunts into your pussy. His fingernails dig into your naked flesh, his tongue laying flat against your clit. He continues to ravish you, not caring about your pleas - it was obvious you wanted more and was far too inexperienced to understand it.

Jungkook dives deeper and deeper, your cries only fueling him for more. Your arousal coats the bottom half of his face entirely. 

There was another attempt to remove yourself, buckling your hips, but Jungkook only shoves you back down upon the bed. Your toes are curling and you’re unable to see straight. There’s a tightness in your stomach that’s utterly unfamiliar to you.

“I’m not going to stop.”

Jungkook’s voice is deeper - deepest you’ve ever heard it.

“Not until you cum.”

 Jungkook’s right hand removes itself from holding your thigh, but that only means he’s holding the other tighter. 

Your back arches when you feel his fingers at your entrance.

“I can’t-”

“You will.” 

Jungkook doesn’t give a warning before entering his finger’s inside of you. You jump at the foreign feeling. You swallow back and shriek.

“So tight.” Jungkook murmurs to himself.

 Two fingers is all you can handle for now. That doesn’t mean Jungkook goes easy on you. He pumps inside of you vigorously, your walls clenching around his digits. Each time he hits a deeper spot that has you jerking.

“I know it feels good, Y/N. My pretty girl.”

You can’t speak, but Jungkook doesn’t care. He pumps and pumps until you’re cumming all over him, arousal splashing onto the hardwood floors of his bedroom. 

You’re a crying twitching mess, whimpering to yourself. Jungkook removes his fingers, satisfied with your appearance.

“I could fuck you right now. You’re so wet, Y/N.”

You exhale, eyes snapping open. “Kookie, I-”

“Don’t tell me you can’t take me.”

Jungkook pushes down his underwear and you freeze.

You’ve never seen Jungkook naked before, never going past witnessing him shirtless.

Now Jungkook is as nude as you, cock erect and hard. His tip is red and leaking with pre-cum, the shaft twitching in anticipation.

“I can’t.” you cry, now dwelling on the idea of having sex with the man.

Jungkook snickers. He grips his cock and slaps the tip against your wet clit. So wet, he thinks. Wet and warm, completely aroused because of him.

“You were willing to fuck my friends.”

Jungkook rubs the tip against your clit in slow circular motions. It makes a wet and sloppy sound as he does.

“They don’t love you, Y/N. Not like I do.”

You twitch at the feeling, overstimulated enough, even if it did feel good.

“Don’t you love me, Y/N?” Jungkook’s eyes don't leave your clit. He continues to tap and circle the tip of his cock against it, the sight beautiful.

“I do…”

“Then why do you keep denying me pleasure?”

Jungkook removes his hand from his cock to place it upon your hips, keeping you in place. He begins to thrust forward, sliding his entire cock against your clit.

“I allowed you to cum, haven’t i?” Jungkook grunts. “Milked my fingers like a little whore. But you won’t let me fuck you.”

Jungkook’s words cause you to gasp - that and the way his cock feels against your already stimulated clit. 

Jungkook’s open’s his mouth, a trail of saliva dripping right onto your clit, not because you needed it - you were literally dripping - but just because he wanted to. In his eyes, spitting upon you was an act of marking his territory and after he fucked you - and he was going to regardless - he would assure that only he would be the one fucking you afterwards; always and forever.

Jungkook continues to rub, his pace quickening. 

“Do you think another man would have given you the satisfaction?” Jungkook hisses. “They would’ve fucked you and left, Y/N. This is why I’m here. I love you, my pretty girl…” his tone softens. “...so wet and ready for me. You’ll let me have you, right, Y/N? You’ll let me be the one who takes your virginity?”

Slowly, you nod your head. Jungkook was someone you loved greatly. He was a man and understood how men think - you couldn’t be upset with him now. “Okay…” 

Jungkook smiles wide, full set of teeth shining at you. “My pretty girl. You’re always so good for me. Give me your hand.”

You do as Jungkook tells you to do, and he guides your hand to touch his cock. It twitches in your grip.

“Tighten your grip.” Jungkook demands and groans when you do. “Okay, baby…now center it at your pussy.”

You’re being so obedient for him, Jungkook thinks. He watches as you do what he tells you, the tip of his cock at the entrance of your hole. “Good girl.” Jungkook mumbles.

“Don’t you need to wear a condom?”

Jungkook wants to laugh at your words. “Condoms are for people who have one night stands. Why would I wear a condom with you?” he asks, a tilt of his head. He had no intention of allowing you to fuck another man, so him not wearing a condom was alright.

You widen your eyes. “Pregnancy…?”

Again, Jungkook laughs. He doesn’t say anything for a moment, only stares into your wide eyes. He had no intention of impregnating you now, but if it happened, then it did. That only meant that it’s what the universe wanted.

“You know I love you, Y/N.” Jungkook says.

“I love you, too.” you respond.

Simpering, Jungkook nods. “I know.” he says, and then without warning, he enters you whole. There’s no warming upm Jungkook thinks, the faster he gets it over with, the faster pleasure will come for you.

When your mouth opens to shriek, Jungkook silences you with his lips. His hips snap inside of you, unable to stop. So tight, he thinks, fully milking his cock with your essence. It’s as though his cock fit perfectly inside of you; like a puzzle piece coming together to complete a set.

The pain is excruciating and you’re unable to pull away from Jungkook. His grip on you was intense, fingers bruising into your skin. 

The sound of skin slapping is loud in the room, echoing off the walls. 

“My pretty girl.” grumbles Jungkook when he releases your lips. “Thank you for trusting me, Y/N.”

The pain shoots throughout your body, but hearing those words from Jungkook was worth it to you. You blink away the tears so you can focus on his face.

“Soon the pain will go away, and you’ll love the way I fuck you.”

You nod. You trusted Jungkook.

It takes a while for the pleasure to come, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t. Jungkook hits your sweet spot, slamming you against his bed with each thrust. Your moans are loud for him, so sweet and melodic - he knew you had it in you to let loose.

“Feels good, pretty girl?” Jungkook questions, the question rhetorical. He knows by the way you clench around him that it does - that and your high pitched moans. 

“Feels…so…good…” you grunt, panting along with each powerful thrust.

“Good.”

Jungkook removes himself just so he can turn you around, chest firmly against his mattress. He enters you once more, hitting even deeper than before.

Your eyes snap shut and your arms shoot out, gripping the bed sheets for support. Whatever you once imagined sex would be like didn’t give it any justice. Sex with Jungkook was a pleasurable feeling you’d never forget - you’re unsure how you’d ever be able to go back to masturbating once this was over. 

Both of Jungkook’s hands place themselves on yours, entangling your hangers with his. His lips kiss your back, pounding inside of you with such passion. 

There it was again, the churning feeling in your stomach.

“I feel you, baby.” Jungkook pants. It’s as if you never want him to stop, creaming his cock like your life depended on it. “Go ahead and cum for me, pretty girl.”

You groan, shaking your head at how good you felt. 

“I love you, Kookie.” you murmur so low that it’s barely audible, but Jungkook hears it loud and clear.

 It causes Jungkook to grind into you deeper and deeper, feeling himself come undone at just words. You told him those three words many times before, but now it felt different. Intimate. This was something he’s never heard during sex - and if there was a chance he did, he wouldn’t care. 

You were who Jungkook loved; his best friend since childhood.

You were the one who Jungkook wanted to hear the words from.

Jungkook’s cumming, his heaving breaths ticking the skin of your back. He doesn't bother to pull out of you, instead he milks your walls completely with his seed, shuddering with complete bliss.

Jungkook won’t regret it - cumming inside of you felt right. It wasn’t as if anyone else would be.

“My pretty girl.” Jungkook coos, pulling out of you to tuck you further into his bed. He lays beside you, embracing you from behind. “You did so good for me.”

Your heart swells at the compliment, your eyes heavy with slumber.

Jungkook holds you tight as you drift to sleep, satisfied that you were here with him. 

Not Hoseok or Namjoon or anyone else -  but him.

 After all, he was the only one who truly loved you for who you are and didn’t see you as just a hole to fill - he wasn’t like those other men out in the world. No, Jungkook was better than any man you could ever think about being with. He proceeds to place a kiss upon your temple, satisfied that you were his and his alone.

idol version