#maybe reading into this too much but god the theme of him so often being in denial of reality in order to

[twinkdemise]

[oneshlut]

SORRY! i originally asked on the wrong post! My bad!

Hello!!!! I have no idea if this is the right post for requests, but i reqd your overjoyed headcanon and absolutely adored it! I love your writing style already! I originally had two requests, but for now ill go with one, with the Amazing Didgital cricus blowing up, i found favoritizim in the mean purple rabbit, i was wondering for some Jax crush headcanons? I loved your other one, and if its no trouble, id love to read it! Have a lovely day/night!!

A/N: omgomg!! it warms my heart hearing that people are enjoying my writing! thank you so much for the request, i hope you don't mind that i sprinkled in some confessing headcanons in there.. enjoyenjoy!!

Input Feelings (Jax x Reader) [Headcanons]

Rules For Requesting

Characters I Will Write For

Masterlist

Summary: General Jax crushing and confessing headcanons

Nothing irritates Jax more than someone new. Sure, a new fella to add to the prank list, and yet, another re-do of the theme song. So seeing you spawn into existence, scrambling around fearfully, made him feel both amused and annoyed. Let's just say he started out with mixed feelings for you. Mind you, these are just judgements. He hasn't even met you yet. Rude, I know, but it's Jax.

Meeting you went way better than he thought! You actually didn't find him annoying? That was a change of pace for him. Of course, not like he minded. Not at all! Looks like he'll have a new sucker to prank after all.

Although Jax was amused by you, you sure weren't. Not on the second day, at least. You had been talking with him earlier that day, and he wouldn't shut up about insects. Weird, you'd think of all people to be ranting about insects, it would be Kinger. Until later that night, or at least you thought it was night, you opened your door to find spiders in your bed.

And thus, you became Jax's main target for pranking! Hooray..! Yes, you liked his company--he was actually pretty fun to be around! But, uh, you prefer your outfit to not be soaked from a water bucket by the end of the day.

You two became frenemies. Sometimes, days went by where he wouldn't prank you. Shocking, I know. Jax just didn't wanna be too harsh on you, y'know? Which is weird, because Jax doesn't go easy on folks very often.

On days where he wouldn't prank you, you would sometimes receive notes from him. It was a good spirit lifter to go to your room at the end of a long adventure and see the corniest dad joke ever written on a piece of notepaper with crayon writing, sitting there on your bedside table. And on good days, you'd even write notes back for him!

One day, Jax gets either asked or teased about how he's so fond with you, and so rude to everyone else. He either makes some dumb excuse or tries to raise suspicion on the person asking, like the asshole he is, but it gets him thinking. He doesn't like to think. He's a man of action. But you were a.. different scenario.

Before, he was this complete asshole. And that's it, really. But you did something to him, something that he had no idea what to do with. Caine's gotta be messing with his coding, right? Maybe he input feeings in his code just to be mean. But being mean was his thing! God, what have you done to him..?

You, at the time, had no idea you were stripping away all of his confidence. As far as you knew, he has just been a bit nicer recently. Which was good! Right? Right. The notes would've been obvious proof he was getting better. Well, first, he was sending more notes rather than.. bugs.. but second, the notes started getting nicer and nicer. Some were just straight up compliments. That's when you noticed something was off. Jax never complimented anyone. Though, you didn't mind some of the compliments...

It's not like Jax has never been in love. He knows he had some sort of love life when he was in the real world, but he was left with just wisps of what it actually felt like to love someone. To care for someone. Though, now, he's finally able to remember.

You noticed how his teasing significantly decreased the more you spent time with him. You kinda missed it, but you're not one to complain.

Jax, on the other hand, was on edge all the time around you. He hated that you washed away his confidence facade, he hated how soft he was around you, how vulnerable. But that smug smirk wasn't gone just yet. He had one more "prank" to pull.

Ha, he wishes it was a prank. It really wasn't. This was actually the most serious he's ever been. He stared at the crudely drawn purple heart on a piece of scratch paper, only now doubting everything he's ever done as butterflies arose in his digital stomach. Standing outside your door, he suddenly felt all the nerves coming back to him he never thought he'd have to feel again. Jax swallowed down his nerves, but still couldn't hide the flush look on his face--or the fact that his pretend-guts were being tied into a bow.

Inside the small homemade card was an admittance to something he never thought he had to admit. Something he'd rather admit in person. Instead, since every inch of his confidence was gone at this point, he confessed in horrible handwriting, written with crayola twistables.

Jax took one final breath before sliding the heart under your door.

[ctinalk]

Is Crowley already the new Supreme Archangel?

A few oversights made millennia ago, and suddenly we have a demon archangel on our hands.

Caution: I came up with and wrote this in the last few hours so potentially crackpot theory ahead. Apologies if this has been proposed before, it’s not one I’ve seen. And I’ve seen A LOT.

So supposedly the miracle Aziraphale and Crowley performed together was something only the mightiest of archangels could have done. Everyone assumes it was Crowley because they think he was a high ranking Angel formerly. Or that it was the two of them together. Or that Jimbriel amplified it. But what if…

“There is always a supreme archangel”

Michael says this in S2E1 when talking with Uriel about who is in charge now that Gabriel was missing. Gabriel was removed from office in the trial we hear, he’s no longer Supreme Archangel. If so, Michael’s statement would imply that as soon as Gabriel’s removal happened, a new archangel already existed. Now obviously the Metatron is making a show of choosing Aziraphale as the new Supreme Archangel. But is that within his power to do so? Or is he suggesting working with Crowley for a different reason, possibly unknown even to him?

“I am the only first-order archangel in the room, or you know, the universe”

During the “2nd Armageddon-that-wasn’t” discussion, Gabriel says these words. As he says them, it cuts (ominously isn’t the right word here, pointedly maybe?) to Crowley leaning against the desk, and lingers there just a bit too long.

“How do you know it wasn’t me?”

Another clue to the powerful angel Crowley was. It was clearly said in a teasing manner throw Shax off. But much like the barrel of red herring in the intro, is it a red herring to something else?

“Can you send lightning bolts and get them to report back to you?”

The only other time we see someone calling lightning or using it is, you guessed it: Gabriel in S1 on the airbase to port in and out. I’ve read the theory that Angel!Crowley was the lord of lightning, which I’m not opposed to, but to me this is another link.

“Never change their passwords”

We have one HUGE instance of Heaven being sloppy in their record keeping (passwords), and lax in their security protocol (Crowley bopping about with Muriel). Whereas Hell is meticulous in their record keeping, as shown by the bills, admissions process, and S1 contract.

So what if: when Gabriel was stripped of the title, a new Supreme Archangel was automatically appointed. Except instead of someone else, because heaven neglected to double-check their logs after The Fall, Crowley was still on the books as next in line? This would absolutely play into “God playing games with the universe” and “just think what would have happened if we’d been at all competent” themes running through both seasons. It would also follow the theory that people noticed Aziraphale and Crowley were on the “wrong” side for much of the season. It would also explain a few continuity errors along the way (how did Crowley know Muriel’s rank? He knows it through the knowledge automatically given to the Supreme Archangel).

“Funny ol’ world, isn’t it?”

Caveats and potential weaknesses:

I have no idea how this fits into the fact that S3 will be the actual continuation the Neil and Terry planned, as to my knowledge S2 was essentially a “Neil’s chaotic angsty ineffable husbands fanfic”. But clearly S2 has to play well into the plan for S3. I also kind of hate my theory because Crowley specifically declined to be an angel again, and his hand has been forced too often already.

Now I am a staunch advocate of the body-swap theory, and I’m not sure how this would play into that. Does Metatron know? Does he think he has the power to appoint? Does he think the title went to Aziraphale because of the miracle? Does he try to get Crowley to come back with Aziraphale to exploit his power? Does he know about the body swap in S1 and if so, was he trying to trigger another one to get the right “soul” to heaven?

There are a few other things I haven’t figured out how to incorporate into this post yet. I’ll try to put them into coherent thoughts in the next few days, but thought I’d throw this to the wolves universe for the time being.

Thought 1: “How have your lot managed to stay in charge all this time?” “I’m not so sure we have.”

Thought 2: I need to do (another) rewatch before I nail this one down (such a sacrifice I tell you), but does Crowley have a visceral reaction like he does in S1 to being called “good” in the current, post Gabriel-removal timeset? Obv in Edinburgh/Job, but that’s in the past. He denies it, sure (with Jim), but he straight up flashes a smile and thanks Mrs. Sandwich when she says “You’re a good lad” (after the denial).

2.1: No one calls him “good” in present day except these two instances. Vast difference in the visceral reactions of season 1 and flashbacks.

Thought 3: Crowley is the only one who can trigger Jimbriel’s recall memory.

[sonamytrash]

Trouble

Warnings: smut in later chapters, fem reader, swearing, suggestive themes. Not beta read. Reader is a vet/vet medic

Thank you for over 100 followers. Honestly, I only started writing fics for my own self-indulgence. I decided to share them with my fellow degenerates, and it seems that some of you like them, so here's the first small chapter to my new one. ❤️

‐---‐-----------------------------------------------------

Levi opens the door abruptly, making you jump. You pout at him playfully. "You scared me!" He narrows his eyes at you, "It's late," he says sternly. "What do you want?" He asks. You roll your eyes and walk into his office as he closes the door behind you both. Placing a pile of reports on his desk, you reply to his question, "The shitty reports you asked for that took me all evening." You complain. "And I know you never sleep, but shouldn't you be trying to get your three hours in?" You tease.

Levi smirks at your response. "Ah, yes. I did ask for those reports. Thank you." Taking a seat at his desk and giving a quick glance at the reports before looking back at you.

"And not right now." He places the reports aside and crosses his arms. "I have things to take care of that require my attention." His eyes then shift to you, "Speaking of attention, what else do you want?" His tone softening just a bit with a playful edge.

He respects your work. You are always efficient in what you do, which is why he often lets your tone and lack of respect towards him slide. Although you're not one of his direct subordinates, he still entertains more of your playful personality than he would tolerate from anyone else.

Truthfully, hiring a veterinary medic was one of Hanges more practical ideas. Having someone at the headquarters to provide and teach appropriate health care for the horses had saved a lot of money while costing very little to hire you. The overall survival rate of horses was much improved now that the soldiers knew better basic first aid, and the horses could return to headquarters for more appropriate treatment if they survived. Many of their losses weren't necessarily due to being directly crushed or eaten by Titans, but many surviving horses would die of injuries and infections upon the journey or arriving home. Your knowledge and skill had meant more horses were surviving out on the front lines and being able to recover when they returned. The cost of constantly replacing horses was drastically reduced. So even if he hadn't been on instructions to be on his best behaviour, what you brought to the regiment had genuinely earned his respect. Not only were you an intelligent woman, but you were downright infuriating. That sassy attitude, the playful humour you brought wherever you went and yet when necessary, you were stern, professional, and eloquent. It had made you popular amongst the regiment. And Levi wasn't immune. He really couldn't resist your charms. But God did he want to fuck that smart mouth of yours quiet sometimes.

Levi is taken from his thoughts when you reply, pouting. "You made such a big fucking deal about these reports that I've spent all evening making sure they were done, I would like to have had a hot bath and maybe read a book."

Levi rolls his eyes at your playful pout. "Well, since you are already here, you might as well stay and assist me with some paperwork," he says with a soft chuckle. He then proceeds to tidy his desk, placing the reports you brought in the correct pile and placing a smaller pile opposite him for you to work on.

"It shouldn't take too long and then you can go and have your well-deserved hot bath, princess." he adds with a smirk.

You bring your hand to your hips. "Either you're trying to torture me or just want an excuse to spend more time with me." You tease, taking a seat across from him. This kind of banter was the norm between the both of you, but he was much more receptive when it was behind closed doors.

A small smirk forms on Levi's lips, "You caught me," he replies sarcastically before he continues reading and signing paperwork.

You too glance over some of the papers and organise them into appropriate piles for him, "Busy day?" You ask, trying to spark some conversation.

"Just the usual," Levi says, his voice monotone as he signs the paperwork. "Paperwork, training, and keeping the brats in check." He pauses for a moment before looking back up at you. "Speaking of training, we'll have to arrange for another session soon." You grimace at his words. He insisted on the occasional sparring session to keep your self-defence up to scratch. "I'm not a fighter, levi. You beat the shit out of me every time, and even then, I know you're going soft on me." You groan playfully, "Literally everyone comes to watch me get beaten up." While you felt like he was trying to make your life difficult with these training sessions, it actually came from a place of care. He wanted you to be able to defend yourself.

Levi leans back in his seat, "You know I only do it to make you stronger," he says with a small grin. "And as for the spectators, what can I do? You're quite popular among the ranks." He then pauses for a moment before adding, "But I can always arrange for a more private session if that's what you prefer." His gaze lingers on you for a moment longer than necessary, a small smirk tugging at the corners of his lips. A flirtatious exchange wasn't uncommon for the two of you, but how you fucking wished he would make good on the things he said.

You were instantly drawn to his suggestion and change in demeanour. "Oh yeah? And do you often give people private training sessions?" You say raising an eyebrow.

Levi chuckles softly, "You know I don't," he replies, his expression softening just a bit. "But for you, I can make an exception." He then shifts his gaze to the paperwork in front of him, pushing aside the distracting thoughts. "Anyway, you're distracting me," he says, beginning to sift through the papers again. But it's too late, your interest has been piqued, "Maybe that's not such a bad idea. What would we be working on during those sessions?" You ask, wanting to keep pressing the new suggestion.

Levi gives you a small, subtle smirk. "Hmm, we could work on whatever you feel you need improvement on," he says. "Maybe your form or your speed," he suggests. Almost throwing you into thinking you had misinterpreted his earlier tone. Before he follows up with a hint of mischief, "But whatever we work on, you can be sure that I'll push you to your limits."

You smirk in response, "Who knows, captain, maybe I'll push you to yours."

Levi smirks at your flirtatious comment and arches an eyebrow in amusement, "Is that so?" he replies in a teasing tone, his smirk widening. "I highly doubt that." He then leans forward, resting his elbows on the desk. "But I won't deny that I would enjoy the challenge." You mimic his movements, leaning forward in response, and meeting his gaze, "Oh I'm sure you would."

Levi's eyes linger on yours for a moment, studying your playful expression. "You're trouble," he says in a low voice before leaning back in his seat. "But I have to admit, I rather enjoy it." He then picks up a pen and begins scribbling on the papers in front of him, his mind wandering as he tries to suppress the arousal between his legs, relieved there's a desk inbetween the two of you.

"So I've been told," you reply playfully, finishing up the last of the papers he gave you to organise, giving you both a few moments of silence before you speak up again. "Do you think your private training session with a troublesome girl like me would whip me into shape?" You ask him seductively, being determined to see how far you can push him, having taken note of the tensing of his shoulders and how he occasionally bites his lip.

Levi finishes his scribbling, taking a deep breath as he places the pen he's gripping down before looking up at you. "Not a chance," he replies, his tone firm but playful. "But perhaps it would tire you out enough to be a good girl for at least a little while," he adds with a smirk of his own.

[yo-yo-yeonkai]

HOW THEY DEAL WITH A BUG INTRUDER - OT5 - SFW

Genre: Crack / Fluff

Warning: Kai’s is suggestive! Bugs do die, so don’t read if that makes you uncomfortable. Not proof read!

Yeonjun

Ring…. ring… ring (it’s a phone guyssss)

“Hey sweetheart… what’s up?” He answers your call, and you are quick to explain, maybe a little too quick. “Jun- come home there is a bug in the kitchen, and you know I hate them, and I need you to kill it!” You slurred the words into one big sentence. “Didn’t know you were a rapper sweetheart, slow down and explain again” he suggests with a soft laugh. You take a deep breath and try slow down “THERE IS A BUG! IN THE KITCHEN! COME HOME AND KILL IT!” You pronounce every word, and he hums. “Okay I’ll be home shortly… see you soon my love, don’t freak out” he says then he hangs up after you say goodbye.

You watch the bug like a hawk until Yeonjun gets here. He stands behind you until he spots it, then he leaves and gets something. “Is that hairspray?” You ask and he tosses the can up and catches it swiftly like some type of action movie. “Yeah, I need to demobilise this fucker somehow, it’s fasttttt” he shivers, clearly hating this but pushing through for his claim at coolness.

He slowly approaches the bug and sprays it to hell and back until you are both practically choking on hairspray. He retreats and points at it “you do the rest…”. You shake your head “no, get back in there. You’ve done this much”. He snaps his head towards you with a sassy look “what gender roles are we pushing…. Go kill the bug (Y/N)!”. You laugh and enter the kitchen swinging a pan as you knew found weapon. The second you’d squashed the bug Yeonjun comes up to look at it “EWWWW, I can see it’s guts and blood on the counter”. You chuck the pan in the sink and point at it “you clean up, seeing as I killed it, Mr gender roles”.

Soobin

You were only trying to mind your business in Soobin’s room whilst he went to the shop when suddenly you came across a bug, it startled you so badly you thought you heard the HEX bug theme tune start playing (you’ll get it if you do, you won’t if you won’t- live with it<3). How were you meant to fight of a bug until Soobin got back, that’s right, hurl abuse at it and hope it gives up. “You wriggly little thing” “gross”, “nobody loves you”, “if you don’t leave, I’ll cut off one of your four too many legs”, “(Y/N), who are you shouting at?”. That last one wasn’t you, it was your knight in shining armour. “SOOBIN! Thank God you are home. There is a bug. Do what you please with it, but please may it not be in here” you ask him, pouting and puppy dog eyes, anything to not be with the bug.

He nods and gets some tissue, to gently pick up the bug and place it outside. Once he returned you hugged him “MY HERO” you cheer, dragging Soobin onto his bed. You both fall down with a giggle, and he hums “I could get used to this. Bugs should enter more often” he jokes, and you release him from your arms. “Don’t say such dastardly things!” You whine. His arms wrap back around you and he kisses your forehead “ah, it’s alright now… I won’t let bugs in. I’ll save you next time as well”.

Beomgyu

A deafening scream came from the bedroom as you try to wash you face only next door. What in the world was he up to now? You’d only left him for five seconds. You’d only just started washing your face, soap on you hand. When you entered the room, you saw Beomgyu on top of your set of drawers and pointing at the floor “KILL IT!” He screamed at you, completely giving up on any respect he had for his appearance.

You glance in the direction he was pointing and see a massive spider crawling along the floor. It was probably the size of your head! okay… being dramatic… it wasn’t. But it was big! You jumped up onto the bed, holding your face in your hands “FUCK NO, I’M NOT TAKING THAT THING ON!!! DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE?!” You shout, glancing off the bed to see if it was coming your way. Beomgyu huffs “AS LONG AS YOU TAKE IT TO THE AFTERLIFE WITH YOU!”. He was so quick to give you up… “top ten anime betrayals…” you mutter, rubbing your hands over your face, continuing to wash it the best you could. “NOW IS NOT THE TIME TO WASH YOUR FACE! STOP IT!” He shouts.

You were quick to point accusingly at him “AY, YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO TELL ME WHAT TO DO! YOU’RE ON YOUR PHONE PLAYING WHAT? SUBWAY SURFERS?”. He side eyes you for a split second and goes back to the game “My girlfriend (F, 22), won’t kill a bug for me, am i the asshole?”. It was then that a smart idea sprung onto you as you saw Beomgyu sat on the dresser, with his phone. “Beomgyu, just call Kai…”

Taehyun

“TAE” you shouted from the living room to your unsuspecting boyfriend. When he entered the room and saw you stood on the sofa, he was quick to join you “why are we stood on the sofa?” He says following your eyesight. “Big ass bug. It flys and shit” you whisper to him, almost scared that the bug may hear you and kill you. He hops off the back of the sofa and runs to get something. He comes back in with bug spray and decides that this is the smartest course of action to kill such an intruder. “All I’ve got to do is spray it and it’ll die right?” he asked, and you nod back. He shakes the can a bit then sprays what may he considered as a spritz on the bug, who in return takes of flying in anger.

“MOREEEEE. MOREEEE. IT’LL KILL US IF WE DON’T KILL IT” you shout hopping on Taehyun’s back as he attempts to chase after it. This could be considered as jousting if you had an opponent, oh wait, you do, MR BUG. If you have it your way, that bug will be defeated. Taehyun holds onto your leg with one hand and continues to spray unholy amounts of bug spray on this poor bug, all because it was in your living room. You’re just glad that Taehyun had learnt his lesson after the splash of bug spray, he tried to use, to kill a monster bug.

Kai

You were just trying to have a peaceful, lovely evening but no. A spider was roaming the room, invading yours and Kai’s time watching a movie. “KAI, OMG, THE SPIDER IS ON YOUR LEG” you practically scream, launching away from him. He looks down at the spider then back at you “it’s alright, I don’t mind bugs.” You do a double take and then your eyes threaten to bulge out your head “WOW, okay, I hate bugs. You are one brave guy” you giggle, only getting further away when he supposedly holds the spider his his hands. “Really? How much do you hate them?” He chuckles evilly, standing up and walking towards you. “Kai…. Stand back” you mutter, standing up and shuffling backwards as he approaches. “Would you beg for me to not bring this near you?” He questions innocently but continues his pursuit in your direction.

It was then that you realised his true plan, frighten you with the spider, he was going to chase you.

“I’m not a beggar Kai… you know this” you tell him, and he shrugs. “I think it’d be a fun experience to turn you into one though~” he teased, approaching you faster. “STAY BACK WENCH” you shout, running away and sprinting to the bathroom. You can hear him laughing behind the locked door and you think for a second about how you’ll get out of it now you have trapped yourself. “Should I send this spider under the door” he teases. You quickly snap your eyes to the bathroom floor and watch the shadow under the door. “No! Don’t do that…. I’m willing to make a deal if you put it down” you tell him. He nods, though you can’t see and responds, “I’m listening”. “You can join me for a shower?” You offer and Kai agrees in only milliseconds.

Little did you know, he never picked up the spider, nor chase you with the spider, he’d never do such a thing. But this outcome…. That would work.

[thagomizersshow]

I said a few days ago that I’d share my criticisms of Jurassic Park, so here goes. At its core, JP is a movie that has one message in the text and another in the subtext, and this all comes down to why of the park’s failure.

The film’s dialogue famously ascribes the failure of the park to hubris; don’t mess around in god’s play place (aka genetics) because you don’t know what will happen. Ian Malcolm’s "life finds a way” criticisms of the park are portrayed by the characters as correct. Malcolm even says that “he hates being right all the time.” It’s also worth mentioning that Michael Crichton and Steven Spielberg have both been interviewed on the message of Jurassic Park, and they both said it is about the misuse of science, in agreement with Malcolm.

That is the text. This all-too-common sci-fi story about humanity meddling in the domain of the gods. Which, BY THE WAY, did not originate with Frankenstein as I said in one of my earliest videos. I’ll argue now that lumping Frankenstein in with JP and other “man’s hubris” stories is an oversimplification and possibly even a straight up misreading, but that’s a WHOLE ‘nother post.

Now, when we look at the events of the story, rather than the dialogue, a different message is revealed. Looking at the actions that actually lead to the failure of the park, it’s clear scientists failing to account for something has nothing to do with it.

Yes, the dinosaurs turn out to be breeding, but this has zero effect on the events of the film. Maybe if they had included the raptors changing sex, like they do in the novel, this argument would have a leg to stand on, but as the film exists the discovery of breeding dinosaurs makes no difference to the plot. You honestly could cut this scene out and the film wouldn’t miss a beat.

The real reason for the park’s fall is much more mundane: Hammond didn’t pay one of his workers enough.

Dennis Nedry is honestly one of the most disgusting portrayals of a “disgruntled employee” ever put to screen. He’s written to be the least sympathetic character possible; he’s messy, annoying, gluttonous, physically inept, and to top it all off, of course he’s fat, a trait most often given to characters who are either comic relief or villains. So, when he complains about not being paid well enough, the audience is already primed to think of him as unworthy of sympathy.

This in spite of his clearly incredible feat of automating the entire park single handed. Nedry’s decision after being fucked over by a multi-billion dollar company — like anyone with a backbone — is to try and fuck them right back. In this case, it was by stealing their shit, which may not have been the best choice (workplace organizing, man, c’mon), but I honestly can’t fault him for it. He deserved better than to be the audience’s hate sink, and we can put full blame on the writers and director for creating such a vile representation of a worker.

All this to say that the theme park’s failure, and all the deaths it caused, fall on John Hammond’s shoulders. Not because he “didn’t stop to think if he should.” Not because “life finds a way.” But because he treated a worker like shit who knew more about the thing they made than he did.

Now, finally, I want to address the fact that I’m not the first person to make a Marxist analysis of JP. In fact, Idea Channel made a video on this topic forever ago, and there are literal academic papers on this topic well worth reading. The point I want to make is not just that JP says something about capitalism, but that the subtextual message about capitalism is at odds with the textual message about the hubris of scientific advancement, AND this degrades the film’s quality massively in my eyes.

If Nedry was portrayed as sympathetic, if Hammond’s abuse wasn’t glossed over, if someone called Malcolm out on how he isn’t right all the time, then MAYBE this movie could be an actual good commentary on capitalism. But as it stands, it feels like it ignores the questions its own story brings up, and even worse, is really mean spirited towards fat people and workers who’ve been wronged.

As much as I love SO much about Jurassic Park, including acting, cinematography, effects, editing (honestly SUCH good editing), the script itself falls apart so badly at the seams I struggle to enjoy it the way I used to. This, combined with the fact the series has turned into a nostalgia driven sludge machine, and I just can’t bring myself to engage with this franchise in a positive way anymore. 

[idololivine]

because I am me as a person (i.e. someone who was classically trained in singing and honestly had a good shot at professional opera if I wanted it) I have also. been idly daydreaming about an opera house AU

Olivine as this child prodigy-slash-rising star within the opera world; 25 is, in the grand scheme of opera, young. careers often don't fully launch until a singer is in their 30s because the voice takes time to mature.

but Olivine, having participated in church choir since he was old enough to read sheet music, got picked up young because he was so clearly talented, and then spent the next two-ish decades being pressured towards professional opera as a career while being told that his voice was a gift from God

except... deep down, he doesn't love performing. or, he loves performing, but he doesn't love it enough for everything surrounding it; the auditions, the freelance schedule, the sheer pressure of it all.

but he can't admit that to himself, because he's so painfully aware of how privileged he is. how many people could afford the training he had? the language lessons, the acting lessons? how many people can say their parents support their singing career this strongly? how many people have the sheer talent? he's met so many who had this dream and just couldn't cut it, one way or another. doesn't he owe it to them to succeed?

that's a pretty wrong thing to believe, of course. Other Things Happen (not knowing what things happen is always the greatest reason why I don't write plotty fic; I have thoughts about themes and character arcs but not the Actual Happenings) and by the end he decides that he's much happier as a singing teacher, supporting others in their own passions.

B-plot: it's an opera house AU and not an opera AU, which means ballet

Edmond, Dante, and Blade are our local ballet dancers with a play on the themes of privilege in Olivine's main arc

Blade is the opera house's resident choreographer. silly mode Blade is his day to day mode and murder Blade is the flow state he goes into when he's really really focused on his work. he's autistic and dance and choreography is one of the ways in which he really feels like he can truly express himself.

Edmond is very very privileged - legacy dancer with a famous ballerina mom, classes since he was old enough to walk, never a worry about being able to afford new shoes and other ballet gear. (can you tell I don't do ballet?) but he's also conscientious enough to be aware of his privilege, so he puts in more work than most so he can truly earn his place by anyone's measure.

Dante, on the other hand, is an orphan who only managed to get classes via free programs when he was young, and scholarships when he got older. he's had to work insanely hard just to get his foot in the door, and a billion times harder to surpass his peers. he doesn't resent anyone for being plain luckier, but he's not exactly here to make friends, either.

C-plot: other characters are here too

Yakumo is truly an amazing baritone and is magnificent when he gets in the zone, but he's so overwhelmingly anxious that he flubs auditions and holds back rehearsals A Lot

Eiden is... a composer maybe...? I don't know how modern composers function. but I assume it would put him in touch with singers and dancers.

Aster is, the owner of the opera house, or something? Morvay is his sexy secretary.

Quincy is the master carpenter in charge of making sets. extremely underrated but important job. he's not a prideful guy, but it feels fulfilling to create pieces that are so foundational to the shows the opera house puts on.

Kuya is one of those diva singers who's an absolute bitch to work with but they're SO famous that the crew just puts up with the terrible behavior. to his credit, sometimes the stuff he demands indirectly or directly makes the show better. directors hate him.

I don't know how GaruKaru and Rei fit into this actually. they don't translate very easily to a performing arts AU. maybe Rei's a former ballet dancer who sustained an injury that took him out of dance entirely, and now he does sports medicine.

[enhaheeseung]

Popcorn pt.2

Pairing: heeseung X fem reader!

Warnings: leaving them out cause I don’t want to spoil anything. But it does include mature themes, so if you’re underage, dni!

Note: sorry I kept you all waiting so long for part 2. But here it is. This has actually been written for awhile, I’m only just now posting it.

TMI: I was actually eating popcorn while writing this, lol

Masterlist

Popcorn pt.1🍿 *not proofread*

WC 10,000?

The next day you woke up and stretched, feeling an unfamiliar ache all over your lower body, and it clicked immediately. Everything from last night came flooding back to your memory.

You still couldn’t believe what you had done. Not cause you exactly regretted it, but for the fact that you let some random guy off the street take your virginity in a theater.

What’s wrong with me?

And you didn’t even catch his name. You could only imagine what a whore he must have thought you were.

Not to say all that mattered. It’s not like you’d see him again anyways,

but still.

You flailed in your sheets, cringing at yourself.

“Y/n, how could you be so foolish?” You talked to yourself in bed, replaying the events and trying to make sense of what happened. Before you knew it, it was already in the afternoon, but you couldn’t pull yourself out of bed.

This was definitely going to take some time to get over.

-

Heeseung had already gone about most of his day, and you were on his mind for a big part of it.

I wonder if she goes to the theater often? Maybe she lives nearby? Could I possibly get so lucky to see her again?

He thought.

Thank goodness no one could read his mind cause he knew he would sound like such a fool. Like seriously, what were the chances of seeing you again.

He couldn’t recall a time where he’s seen the same person more than once, except for school or stores, but that doesn’t really count.

He sighs, making his way home, not too focused on the road and only thinking about meeting you again, until he heard a loud horn beeping. He looked up immediately to see he was about to cross the street into oncoming traffic.

He stopped dead in his tracks clutching his beating heart. And breathing a sigh of relief.

Thankfully, no one was harmed in his act of carelessness, but he realized he should forget you and move on. Judging by the looks of it, it would only hurt him anyways.

-

It took you nearly two weeks to get over your little incident. Although, no matter how much time had passed, there was no way you could forget your first time.

Speaking of time, your period was oddly late. And that was unusual cause it was always the same every month.

And you being you, began to panic. What if? No. Did I let him cum inside of me?

I did?

I did.

Oh god. It can’t be. I’m too young to be a parent. I’m barely making it on my own as it is. And the absolute worst part is that I’m not even in contact with the father.

You didn’t notice when you started crying. “Okay, don’t worry, it’s gonna be okay. I might not even be pregnant. Maybe I’m just paranoid.” breathe, breathe.

Okay.

Well, that didn’t work.

There’s only one thing left to do. You grabbed your coat and ran to the nearest convenience store.

You found the section where they kept the pregnancy test and reached for one with your shaking hands. Just before you grabbed it, a voice startled you, causing the test to fall off the shelf.

You looked in the direction where the voice came from and…

No

fucking

way.

It was the guy from the theater, the man that took all your innocence.

“Hi” was all he said. He wanted to say so much more, but he didn’t know where to start, and he didn’t even know your name.

Umm, okay, why the fuck is he talking to me? He really could have pretended he didn’t see me and avoided this whole very awkward situation.

“Hey,” you replied quietly. He leaned down to pick up whatever it was that you had dropped, and his expression morphed. So many thoughts were running through his head.

Could it be mine? No, but she was a virgin when I met her, so is there already someone else?

“I see you’ve been busy” he tried to joke about it and ignore the racing of his heart.

You glared at him.

“I could say the same to you.”

He tilted his head in confusion.

“Huh?”

“It’s because of you why I’m even here.”

“So you mean.. you’re saying that I could have gotten you….” He trailed off.

“Yes, You idiot!” You started slapping his chest. Needless to say, it didn’t hurt him one bit.

He just chuckled and grabbed your wrist, holding you still. He looked down at you with a huge smile on his face.

“You’re so cute.”

“What!? Let go of me you fool. Do you even know what this means?”

“We’re gonna be parents!” he said, sounding a bit too excited for the current situation you were both in, but he couldn’t help it. He was just too happy that he found you again. The fact that you might be pregnant didn’t quite register in his brain yet.

“No genius, we’re too young for a baby. How are we going to pay for him or her? for christ's sake, we aren’t even a couple, and now the baby is gonna grow up with single parents,” you sighed.

If you weren’t so worried about possibly being pregnant, you would have noticed the way his face dropped into a frown and the soft tug as he let go of your wrist.

“What do you mean by single parents?”

“Do I have to spell everything out for you? It’s not like we’re dating, nor would I want to, and I don’t even know your name or anything about you.”

“You could have just asked instead of insulting me every two seconds. Hi, I’m heeseung” he extended his hand to shake yours.

You looked at his hand and ignored it.

“Good to know. I’m y/n, now let’s just get out of here” you paid for the test with the stares of many from all the commotion you stirred up, but you were too concerned about your future to care.

You walked home in silence. Your brain getting more exercise than your legs. As it was running a mile a minute.

He walked next to you with his head down, and his hands shoved into his pockets.

He had a lot of things to consider. If you were indeed pregnant, he’d have to drop out of school, get a job, and definitely change his laid back attitude and perspective about things.

Finally, you were inside your home. You led him to your bedroom and told him to wait outside.

“Are you sure?”

“Unless you want to come in.”

“Of course, I want to be there for you and our baby.”

“We don’t even know that for sure yet.”

“I have a feeling” he smiled, but he was actually so worried about it. He would be delighted if you were pregnant with his child, but, he was just so scared he wouldn’t be a good dad and wouldn’t be able to provide for his family, he didn’t have the best relationship with his parents, and he was afraid of repeating the same cycle.

“Ready?” Your question knocked him from his thoughts.

“As I’ll ever be” you grabbed his hand and gave it a small squeeze. You couldn’t even imagine how he must have been feeling.

You left to go take the test and came back soon, awaiting the results.

You both sat on your bed.

“I’m sorry. y/n, it’s all my fault,” he said, seeing how scared you looked.

“Hey, it’s not either of our faults, we both made a really stupid mistake, and now it’s just how we handle things moving forward.”

He didn’t like the fact that you saw it as a mistake. But he wasn’t going to get into all that right now.

The timer you set went off.

You both gave each other a look.

“Do you wanna look at the same time?”

He just nodded his head.

You flipped it around, and boom.

“Two lines, pregnant” just when he was going to cheer, he heard your loud sobs and instantly pulled you into a hug, trying to comfort you.

“It’s okay y/n. I’m going to do everything in my power to take care of you both, I promise.”

“Can I just be alone right now?”

He felt a pang in his chest, he wanted to see you again, but he could have never pictured this was how things would turn out. For some very stupid reason, he thought you would be just as excited to see him, but it was the total opposite.

“Okay,” he sighed and left the room quietly.

He waited and waited and waited some more. Hours had passed, and it was already dark outside.

He made his way to your bedroom door, knocking on it softly.

“Y/n, are you still in there? Could you open up?” He heard the lock click and backed away from the door a little.

“How are you doing?” He asks, hoping your mood is better than it was earlier.

“You should probably go. It’s late” you ignored his question.

“So? I don’t care. I just want to make sure you’re alright before I go.”

“Well, if you cared about me being alright, you would have never had sex with me in the first place.”

“Come on, don’t play that card on me. We both wanted it and didn’t think of the repercussions.”

He was right. But you didn’t want to hear that right now.

“Y/n, I’m going to be here for you, okay? Don’t worry about a thing. It’s not good for you or the baby if you’re stressed” he tried to rub your stomach, but you backed away from him.

“Fine, you can push me away now, but I’m going to have to be here at some point, we made the baby together, and we’re going to raise it together no matter our difference’s”

You watched him walk out the door, leaving you all alone.

That’s what you wanted, right?

-

Once he got home, he called his parents and already knew what the response was going to be, and it didn’t surprise him one bit. he knew he was in this all alone.

It didn’t take long before he dropped out of school and put in applications everywhere, even if it was miles away from where he lived.

He would do whatever he needed to make sure you were safe, and his baby was healthy.

-

You didn’t know what to do. He said he would take care of you, but for how long? Would he just get bored and leave? What could you do? There was no way you could work and carry the baby all alone.

You had no idea what kind of person he was, and it scared you to even get to know him better.

You rubbed your tummy and talked to the little human growing inside you.

“We’ll be fine, baby. Even if it’s just you and me,” you tried to reassure yourself.

-

Five months had gone by. Heeseung had been checking in on you every now and then, bringing you certain foods that you were craving, holding your hair when you would throw up, and helping you around your apartment. He would take break and come over to see you sometimes if he was having an extra bad day.

Today was one of those days. He called you in advance before coming over, as he always did. Most of the time, you didn’t want him coming over cause you didn’t want to get used to being with him, just for him to disappear after the baby was born.

He entered your room looking extremely tired. Well, he always looked tired, but today it was obvious.

He came and sat next to you on the bed with a half smile and dark circles under his eyes.

“So, how’s mommy doing today?” He traced his fingertips over your small bump.

“Feeling okay? You want anything in particular?”

You just shook your head as a no.

“I have a day off tomorrow, so we can go to the clinic and get an ultrasound to see the gender,” he spoke quietly.

“Okay,” this was how all the visits went, he would do all the talking, and you would reply with a few words.

“I’ll try to be over a little earlier than now” You nodded your head.

He pecked your forehead. Something he’s never done before, and you can’t say that you didn’t like it. It was actually quite nice. Lately, you could feel yourself falling for him day by day.

The big smile on his face when he could feel the baby kick, the soft touches he left on your belly as he hummed a tune to his baby.

And you grew particularly fond of seeing him coming over from work. You felt like you could get used to this. And seeing his face every day didn’t sound too bad at all. But you couldn’t get your hopes up, months were left till the due date, and it was his baby. After all, that’s probably the only reason he stayed.

To him, on the other hand, he wished you weren’t so passive about everything. All he wanted was a hello when he came over and maybe a how was your day?, but he got nothing.

Day by day, the stress was getting to him, and he had no one. The only thing that kept him going was the fact that he saw you every day, and he knew he was doing the right thing for his child.

He actually forgot he didn’t have a day off. Normally he did, but he picked up extra hours. His first job started at 4 in the morning and his second job at 1 till 9.

He’d just have to take an early leave, that’s all. He made time in between to see you on breaks, and during the hour he got between jobs, he’d sleep in the parking lot.

It wasn’t easy. But if it meant the two of his most beloved people in the world being happy, he’d do it all and so much more.

-

You had got ready to go to the clinic, and now you were just waiting for him.

You instantly started to worry, thinking he wouldn’t make it, but before you felt that bubble of anxiety build in your stomach, the front door flew open.

“Sorry, I’m late. The traffic was terrible today.”

“It’s fine. Are you ready to go?”

“More than ready. I’m so excited!” He kneeled down on the ground, talking to the baby inside your stomach. “Today is a big day. Today daddy gets to learn even more about you, I love you so much, and I haven’t even met you yet” he placed his hand over your stomach and kissed the back of it. He didn’t want to kiss your tummy in case it made you uncomfortable. At this point, he assumed it had been long enough to determine that you didn’t want anything to do with him.

He still tried, though.

He reached for your hand, praying you’d grab it, and he couldn’t hold his smile when your tiny fingers slid between his,

And just maybe, his assumption was a bit off.

“Let’s go” he opened the door for you and led you to the passenger seat to buckle you in, “is it too tight?” He asked, looking at you, but the proximity of his face was making it hard to think.

“F-fine, it’s fine” you cleared your throat once he made his way to the driver's side.

-

“We’re here” he parked in an empty space and helped you to the building.

You checked in at the desk and waited for your appointment. It wasn’t long before you were both led to an empty room.

You lay on the bed and waited for the results.

While the tech was scanning, she asked if heeseung was your husband, to which you immediately replied with a no.

Then she just had to keep prying and asked if he was your boyfriend, and this time heeseung spoke up before you got the chance.

“Yes, I’m her boyfriend” he knew she was hitting on him, so he used this as an opportunity to act like your boyfriend. He held your hand and stroked it with the back of his thumb. He hadn’t touched you often, or unless it was absolutely necessary, and it was killing him inside. He just wanted to be close with you.

“Well, you’re a very lucky girl,” she announced while looking at heeseung and winking at him. He didn’t even notice. He was too focused on you to pay attention to anything else.

You just rolled your eyes at her. If it had been any other setting, you probably wouldn’t have cared, but right now, she was getting on your very last nerve.

But who were you kidding? It could have been any setting, and it would have still made you jealous.

“Are we almost done?”

She didn’t pay any attention to you and just continued the exam.

Once you two were about to finish, heeseung already had an idea in mind.

“Could you do us a favor and put the pictures and results in an envelope? We would like to reveal it in a more private setting” he had already confirmed that it was okay with you. He wanted the reveal to be at your apartment, the same place you got the results of your pregnancy test.

“Of course”

-

And finally, your appointment was finished, but you were still fuming at that woman or thing rather. The audacity she has to flirt with the father of your child made you sick.

“Are you feeling okay?” He asked once you got inside the car. Noticing that you looked upset.

“I’m fine. I just can’t believe that”

“Believe what?”

“That disgusting witch trying to hit on you right in front of me, like have some kind of professionalism at least, how low do you have to be to flirt with a man in front of his baby and….” You trailed off, not knowing what he considered you.

“And the mother of his child,” he finished your statement for you.

“I guess people have nothing better to do these days” you folded your arms, still upset.

“She actually didn’t look half bad” he was trying to get a reaction out of you. If he was being honest, he didn’t even remember what she looked like.

“Are you serious right now?”

“What? It’s not like me and you are together. I’m a free man. I can look at whoever I want.”

“But I- just whatever” you felt a tiny ache in your heart,

“Are you jealous or something?”

“Why would I be? You said it yourself we’re not together,” you replied with an attitude.

“I’m kidding! I was focused on you the whole time” he put his hand on your knee, testing the waters. “And for your information, I wouldn’t mind one bit being together with you.”

You looked out the window to avoid his gaze, but he could see the slight smile forming on your face just before you turned your head away.

Finally, he felt like he was making some progress with you. And maybe if he played his cards right, you would be his sooner than later.

-

You made it home safely, and now it was the big moment to figure out the gender. Your heart was racing.

He took out the envelope, and before opening it, he led you to have a seat on your bed.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” you responded.

“Okay,” he breathed out. And opened it.

“It’s a girl!” You squealed.

“Oh my god, we’re having a baby girl!” the amount of joy he felt in his heart was immeasurable. “Can I hug you?”

You’ve denied him so much. The least you could do was let him enjoy this moment.

You nodded your head and let him engulf you in the best hug you’ve ever felt. He was so warm, and his heartbeat was so comforting that you didn’t want to let him go.

He pulled back slightly to examine your face. He hoped you couldn’t hear the racing of his heart as he slowly inched his face closer to you, and just when his lips were about to touch yours the alarm on his watch had different plans, it read 12:30pm, and he had to leave soon so he wouldn’t be late for his other job.

He wanted to take it off his wrist and stomp on it till it broke, but he knew he had to go. He pulled away from you reluctantly and turned off the alarm.

“Damn, I’m sorry. I uhh I have to go now” he couldn’t believe he had the perfect opportunity, and it got away over a stupid fucking alarm, Heeseung, you stupid fucking idiot. He cursed himself out silently.

He turned around to leave, but you didn’t want him to. You felt that same ache in your heart.

“W-where are you going?”

he snapped his head in your direction, surprised that you were even asking.

“Oh, I have to go to work.”

“I thought you had a day off?”

“Well, I thought I did too, but now I’m off to the second one. I kinda forgot I picked up an extra day, but more work, more pay, right?” He tried to smile, but you could see just how forced it was.

“Oh, okay” you looked down and placed a hand on your belly.

“Why? Is there something I can get you before I leave?” You felt horrible after hearing what he just said. You had no idea he worked two jobs, no wonder he looked so tired, and every time he came over, he was fighting just to keep his eyes open.

And even though he was tired, he was still asking if you needed anything.

Your heart broke.

“No, I'm fine.”

“Okay, I’m off then, see you at, he looked down at his watch again, “around ten” he put his jacket and shoes on, right before he stepped out, you called him.

“Heeseung?”

“Yes?” He answered as you were saying his name, looking at you with a hopeful glint in his eyes.

You walked closer to him at the door.

“Have a good day at work” you gave him one final hug, and maybe deep down, hoping he would try to kiss you again.

“Thank you,” he sighed into your hair. And rubbed your bump. “Daddy will be back before you know it” he smiled at you one last time and closed the door.

You went back to bed feeling disappointed. Just before you sat down, the door swung open.

“Oh, did you forget something?”

“Yes, as a matter of fact, I did” he walked closer to you and closed any distance between you and him. There was no way he was going to leave without kissing you.

He kissed you with so much passion that it made you feel light headed. And if you could have stopped time then and there, you wouldn’t have thought twice about it.

You kissed him back with hopes that he could feel just an ounce of what he made you feel.

He put his hands on your waist and deepened the kiss. Your hands automatically found themselves in his hair, kissing him with a bit more force than before.

He groaned when you sucked on his lip. He backed you up to the foot of the bed and laid you down softly while hovering over you.

He attached his lips to your neck and gradually made his way higher, swiping his tongue over your ear and sucking on it lightly.

“Heeseung,” you moaned out, rubbing yourself against his thigh that was rested between your legs.

“Wait,” he propped himself up on his hands.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, a little worried that he didn’t want you after all.

“I’m so sorry” he closed his eyes and rested his forehead against yours, sighing onto your lips. “I have to go,” he told you regretfully.

You cupped his face in your hands.

“Hey, it’s okay. You’ll be coming back, right?”

“Of course, I’ll come back as soon as I can, I promise” he kissed your forehead and got off of your bed.

“I don’t want to go,” he whined while jumping up and down slightly, Holding your hand in his.

“The quicker you leave, the quicker you come back, right?”

“Right,” he smiled at you and kissed your lips one last time “bye, y/n”

“Bye, heeseung,” you waved and blew him a kiss. He caught it and walked out the door just moments later.

Your heart was racing, your body was on fire, and your mind was foggy, did you just? Did he just? Were we about to?

Oh my god.

You plopped down on your pillow.

He felt just as good as you remember, if not better, you wanted to punch yourself for not opening up to him sooner, not just for the prospect of having sex, but he was just so sweet and caring and lovable.

You wished you could get that time back, but you couldn’t. From now on, you were going to treat him the way he deserves to be.

-

He thought about you the whole time he was at work, he touched his lips and smiled to himself, thinking about how perfect you looked laying down on your back and those cute but yet so seductive moans you let out.

He quickly shook his head and focused. He couldn’t allow himself to have those kinds of thoughts in a work environment.

But it was harder than he expected. The image of you was stained in his memory.

He couldn’t believe you were finally reciprocating his feelings.

His day seemed to go by quicker than usual, and before he knew it, he was already back on his way to see his girls.

-

“Hey, I got back as fast as I could” he quickly covered his mouth when he saw you fast asleep, with your hand resting on your exposed tummy, he pulled out his phone and snapped a few pictures, actually more than just a few, but that would be his little secret.

He walked closer and pecked your forehead, stroking your cheek with his thumb to wake you up.

You stirred in your sleep, and your eyes fluttered open.

“Hi,” he removed his hand from your face.

“You’re already here?”

“Already? It’s been nearly ten hours.”

Your eyes widen in shock.

“I must have overslept. I'm sorry.”

“It’s fine. I’m sure you needed it, and the baby too. I bought you dinner. I didn’t know what you liked, so I just guessed.”

You looked in the bag after he handed it to you, “It’s my favorite!“ you said in excitement.

“Really? I guess I did good then” he was all smiles watching you enjoy your food.

“You always do good, and speaking of good, how was your day at work?”

He still couldn’t believe you were actually starting a conversation with him.

“It was great!” He contemplated his next words cause he didn’t exactly know where he stood, but screw it. “It was the best day I’ve ever had, thanks to you.”

You nearly choked on your food.

“M-me? How?”

“Just you in general, you make me so happy” surely, the words left his mouth so casually from lack of sleep, but he meant each and every last one of them.

To say that you were squealing inside like a school girl would be an absolute understatement.

“D-did you eat yet?” You tried to avoid having this conversation.

“I ate at work, but I guess I’m still a little hungry.”

“Here, you can have some of mine.”

“No, no, no, that’s for you and the baby. Besides, I think I’m craving for something sweet” he licked his lips while looking at you.

“Well, I don’t know what to tell you cause the fridge and pantry are empty” he inched closer to you on the bed.

“Well, It’s not exactly something that gets stored,” he leaned in close to your ear, “as a matter of fact, it’s something that’s often served in bed or, in our case, maybe even a theater,” he licked the shell of your ear.

You gulped.

“O-oh, so you mean, you want breakfast in bed?”

“Come on, sweetheart. I know you’re not that dense.”

The nickname made your heart do a flip.

“And what if I am?” You tried to remain calm.

“Then, it will be my pleasure to show you exactly what I mean” he grabbed your now empty plate and set it aside, making sure there would be no interruptions.

“Just lay back, and I’ll do all the work” he motioned for you to raise your hips, and you gladly obeyed. He pulled down your shorts and underwear. Noticing the huge wet patch on the crotch area. “See? I knew you weren’t that oblivious”

“Or it just doesn’t take that much for you to make me wet.”

“Is that so?” he wasted no time kneading on the flesh of your thighs and kissing them everywhere he could touch with his lips.

He just started, but there was only so much longer he could wait to taste you, and your smell mixed with his slow movements was making him grow impatient. He spread your legs open and looked at you on full display, not believing that you were all his.

He all but pushed his face against your heat, flicking his tongue on your clit a few times before licking long stripes in between your folds. The moans that left your lips made him even harder than he already was if that was possible at this point. He was so hard that it almost hurt.

“Tastes so good, sweetheart” he stuck his tongue in your hole, licking the most sensitive spot on your opening. Your back arched off the bed, and you gripped the sheets.

His nose brushed along your clit softly, adding a tingling sensation in the pit of your stomach.

He retracted his tongue from your hole and rubbed his face all over your pussy. completely covering his face in your wetness.

“Fuck, heeseung, god, that feels so good” it’s a wonder how you hadn’t already cum all over his face.

“Mmm, You like that?”

“So so much, so good” you bucked your hips into his face, almost riding it at this point.

He didn’t even try to hold you still. he found it so hot, how you used his face for your own pleasure.

Just when you were about to cum he stopped.

“Are you sure you want this?” He asked you.

“Couldn’t be more sure.”

He unbuttoned his dress shirt and exposed his bare chest. You noticed how his muscles flexed with just the smallest of movements.

His hands traveled down to his belt, quickly undoing it, and last but not least, he pulled his slacks off along with his underwear.

You had seen him before only in the dimly lit theater, but up close and with the light coming from your bedside lamp, he looked absolutely perfect. It was a sight you’d have to see to believe, and lucky for you, no one else would.

He sat on his knees at the foot of the bed with his hard, leaking cock in desperate need of attention, but he made sure to take his time with you and kiss every inch of your skin, from your feet to your visible stretch marks on your stomach and lastly his favorite. Your beautiful lips.

“Heeseung,” you moaned into his mouth, kissing and exchanging each other’s saliva.

“Yes, sweetheart?” He pulled your shirt over your head and kissed all over your chest, making sure not a single millimeter of your body was left untouched by him.

“I want you now.”

“Is that right? Cause I was thinking the same thing” he pushed your knees up a little and held his aching cock at your entrance.

“Are you sure I’m what you want? Do you want me to be here for you? To be a father to our baby?”

“Yes, you’re the only one I want. I couldn’t ask for anyone better,” and maybe if you weren’t too caught up in the pleasure he was giving you, you might have noticed just that small hint of doubt in the back of your mind.

“Me neither” he pushed his tip in nice and slow, breathing heavily from the tightness of your pussy.

He leveled his head with yours, whispering words of encouragement and affection in your ear.

You felt tears prick in your eyes from the stretch and sensitivity.

“Heeseung, I-I don’t think I can take it,” you huffed out a breath, feeling him halt all his movements.

“Yes, you can, baby, you’ve done it before,” he inched back and forth as slowly as possible. Letting you get used to his size. “Just breathe, remember?” You started to relax a little bit. He eased in a bit further and further till he was all the way in.

“See? I told you, sweetheart,” he licked up and down your jawline while holding your neck firmly in his hand. “You’re so warm and tight. It feels so fucking good.” He groaned in your ear, pulling his dick out halfway, then pushing it back in, thrusting his hips into you again and again.

“Heeseung, fuck, your cock feels good.”

“Mhm, he moaned softly in your ear. He was a sucker for praise and even more so in the bedroom. “You like that? I know you do.”

He looked down to where he was thrusting in and out of you.

“Look at you. Your pussy is just swallowing my cock”

“You’re so big. And s-so deep, your cock is so amazing” he was hitting all the right spots that made you tick.

“If you keep talking to me like that, I won’t be able to hold it much longer.”

You tangled your hands in his hair.

“Then, don’t, don’t hold back, fill me up again with your cum”

“Shit, is that what you want? Want me to give you another baby? I can give you all of my babies, sweetheart,” he smirked, feeling how you tightened around him after the mention of having another baby.

“Fuck yes, heeseung give me all of your kids” you clawed at his back, sure to leave marks behind in the morning.

He caressed your swollen bud to bring you to your climax even quicker.

“Harder, heeseung, please fuck me harder.”

“Oh god,” he felt himself twitch, and a few hard deep thrusts later, you were clenching on his cock nonstop. The sensitivity was overwhelming as you reached your high.

Not even a second later and he was filling you to the brim with his seed, spurt after spurt coated your pulsating walls as he stilled inside you.

He captured your lips in a messy heated kiss. It wasn’t his intention, but the pleasure he felt was just too intense, and he was in such a vulnerable state. He’s never felt this close to anyone ever. His next words came out almost unknowingly.

“I love you y/n” he tiredly thrusts his hips into you, making sure to fill you up with everything he had to give. “I love you so much” he kissed your temple as you held him even tighter, wanting him to be closer than he already was.

You were shocked when you heard the words fall from his lips. It scared you to death to say it back.

The room fell silent. Only the sounds of his breath returning back to normal could be heard.

He was waiting, waiting for you to say it back.

But you never did, and his heart broke into a million little pieces.

He pecked your lips one last time before pulling out of you hesitantly. He put his underwear on and searched for the rest of his clothes. You sat there silently watching him.

He swallowed the lump in his throat and buttoned his shirt back as slow as possible, one button at a time.

He locked the buckle to his belt, dragging out every last move he made, hoping you would say it back.

“Where are you going?” Your voice cracked as you tried to speak.

“Home,” he answered plainly, trying to stop his voice from quivering but failed.

“It’s really late. Why don’t you spend the night and go back in the morning?”

“I don’t have any clothes here, and I’d have to leave early to go home and then to work, so it’s best I leave now” he walked over to you on the bed and stroked your stomach like he always did before he left. “daddy will be back before you know it little one,” he said those same words every time he left, for him he was making a promise to you and the baby, that he would always come back. But this time, it was just a bit harder for him to feel like keeping that promise.

“Heeseung, please stay” you grabbed his hand.”

“Why should I?”

Even though you were scared, you couldn’t think of anyone else you’d rather try with. He was the father of your child, and he did everything he said he would. If you had to let your guard down for anyone, he was definitely that person.

“Because I love you too” he made eye contact with you for the first time since he got out of your bed.

“Are you sure? Cause it just doesn’t seem that way.”

“I’m sure. I’m just scared. I keep having these thoughts of you leaving us for someone else or just disappearing with the baby is born. I just didn’t want to get my hopes up, but it was impossible not to fall in love with you. When you took care of me and our baby, it broke my heart to see how much you’ve gone through for us, and I’m sorry for shutting you out for so long. I’m ashamed of the way I treated you, But now I just want to give you the love you deserve.”

He grabbed your hand and cupped your cheek, making you look up at him.

“Look at me. I’m not going anywhere. I promise you two girls are my world. There’s nothing I’d trade you for. I would never leave you. And don’t be ashamed I’d be scared if I were you too. Heck, you have no idea how worried I was in the beginning. My parents don’t support me. I had to drop out of school and get a job, but I made it work cause I wanted us to work. I didn’t tell you any of this cause I didn’t want to stress you out even more than you already were, I felt terrible that I couldn’t be there for you, but I made a promise to myself that I’d do any and everything in my power to keep you both safe and healthy. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. There’s no need to worry cause you’ll always have me.”

He wiped the tears that had run down your cheek.

“Heeseung, thank you for everything. I don’t know where I’d be without you. And I love you so much.”

You pulled him into a hug.

“I love you so much too.”

“So, are you staying?” You dried up the stray tears on his cheek.

“Well, I don’t know. You made me get all dressed up again.”

You slapped his chest.

“Okay, maybe I could spend the night” he smiled at you pecking your lips sweetly. “But I really don’t have any spare clothes, and these are all sweaty from work,” he scrunched up his nose.

“Who said you needed any clothes?”

“Okay, I guess I’ll just sleep in my underwear then” he got up and undressed himself again.

“Who said anything about sleep?”

“O-oh, oh,” and for the first time, you saw him blush when he realized what you meant.

“Don’t get all shy on me now. A couple of minutes ago, you were promising me more babies, and now you’re backing down?”

“Who said anything about backing down?” He cocked his eyebrow.

“That’s more like it, now stop running your mouth and fuck me.”

“Y/n! Not in front of our baby.”

“Sorry, you rolled your eyes “get over here and make love to me, better?”

“Much better”

neither of you had sex since you found out the news of being pregnant. And let’s just say you made up for all the lost time. In just one night.

-

You woke up the next day to heeseung getting dressed. This is what you dreaded the most, watching him leave. Every time he left, it felt like your heart was breaking.

“Oh, hi sweetheart, now that you’re awake, I can say bye” he laid next to you in bed.

“I hate when you leave” now that you revealed your feelings for him you could finally say what was on your mind.

“Me too. But when the baby gets here, we will have more time together” he rubbed your stomach.

“I hope so” you rested your hand over his.

“I know so, I’m getting a raise soon, and I’ve already saved up about twenty thousand dollars so far, and when our little girl finally gets here, I’ll have almost double that”

“Come again?”

“Sweetheart, let’s just say I’ve been working a lot,” he laughed.

“I wish I could help you. I’m just laid up in bed doing nothing,” you sighed.

“I don’t want to hear such nonsense from you ever again” his voice was stern. “You call giving me the greatest gift nothing? Besides, you’re the prettiest when you lay on your back. easy and accessible” he winked at you.

“Not in front of our baby,” you mimicked his tone.

“Okay, okay, well, mommy and baby, daddy has to go now, oh and I made you breakfast. I didn’t know what you liked, so there’s coffee in the pot and juice in the fridge” he put on his suit jacket and shoes.

“And you?”

“I eat at work, remember?” Even though he really didn’t, he was more stressed than he was letting on, but he kept it to himself cause he didn't want you to worry.

“Right” he kissed your forehead and tummy one last time.

“But thank you for asking, sweetheart” he was halfway out of the door before he ran back inside and kissed you once last time. “Bye, I love you.”

“I love you more, now go before you’re late” you almost had to push him off of you.

For the first time since he started coming over, it wasn’t all too bad seeing him leave cause you knew he was coming back.

“Let's go eat breakfast, little one.”

-

The rest of your pregnancy was going by in the blink of an eye. Heeseung was there with you every step of the way, just like he promised. However, you didn’t like seeing him come over every day looking completely exhausted.

He kept reassuring you that he was fine, but you could tell he wasn’t.

“Babe? Are you sure you’re doing okay?”

He was just staring off into space, not paying attention to the world around him.

“Babe? Baby? Heeseung?!” You shook his body a little.

“What? What is it? What’s wrong?” He looked at you with a worried look on his face.

“I asked if you’re okay.”

“I already told you, for the last time, I’m fine. I don’t know why you have to keep bothering me” he got out of bed. “Can you not tell that I’m fine?”

You couldn’t. Dark eye bags, pale skin, he wasn’t that big, to begin with, but even his weight had dropped significantly, and he was always irritated.

“Yeah, perfectly fine, I won’t bother you anymore.” you laid down and ignored him.

He instantly regretted his reaction towards you.

“Baby, please don’t ignore me, you’re right.” He sighed and kneeled down next to the bed, “I’m sorry, I just don’t want you to worry about me. You’re the main focus right now and you could never be a bother to me.”

“I already know how you feel, but how am I not supposed to be worried about you?”

“You must really love me, don’t you?”

“So much” a few tears rolled down your cheeks.

“Aww, don’t cry. I hate it when you cry. I promise I’ll do better from now on, and you know I never break my promises, now stop crying, sweetheart, I’m gonna be okay. we’re gonna be okay.” He pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Pinky promise,” he intertwined his pinky with yours, “now sleep. You look like you're about to pass out” you wiped the rest of your tears.

“I know you’re a mom, but you’re not my mom so you can’t tell me what to do.”

“Don’t act like a child and I won’t.”

“I- you’re right,” he sighed in defeat, “good night, sweetheart, I love you.”

“I love you more,” and if he wasn’t so tired, he would have made you say it over and over again.

-

You woke up in the middle of the night. You felt a wet patch and liquid flowing out of you when you sat up. And it finally came to you. Your water had broke.

You instantly woke heeseung up from his sleep.

“What is it sweetheart?” He rubbed his eyes, looking at you.

“My water just broke,” you said a little too calmly for his liking.

“Your what?! We have to go now! Get up and go to the car! He stopped and looked at you “Wait! Don’t go to the car. I’ll take you to the car. Let me grab the bags.”

He threw the blankets off his body and jumped out of bed, grabbing all the bags he had packed for the hospital in case you went into labor soon.

“Where are the keys? He mutters to himself, patting down his pockets.

“On the nightstand, babe” you just sat there and watched him go through his little crisis.

“Thank you, sweetheart” he snatched them up loaded the car, and drove off. He pulled out his phone and called you, “honey, am I forgetting something? Cause I feel like I’m forgetting something.”

You moved the phone away from your ear so he wouldn’t hear you laughing. “Umm, I think so. There should be something or someone rather, in the passenger seat.”

He felt like a complete idiot. How could he forget the reason he was leaving to begin with, “oh my god! Baby, I’m so sorry. I’m coming back inside to get you.” You ended the call and held your stomach laughing hysterically.

He came rushing back into the bedroom.

“This is no laughing matter, sweetheart. You’re about to go into labor. We have to go now!”

“Heeseung, it’s not that serious. It’s not like I’m in pain or anything.”

“You’re not?” He picked you up and carried you to the car with your hands wrapped around his neck.

“No, at least not yet.”

“We should still leave. That baby could pop out any minute” he scratched the back of his neck, feeling stupid for his erratic behavior.

Luckily, it was a pretty short drive to the hospital. He was a little more coordinated this time. He took you inside and got you checked into a room, and left to grab your bags.

Now it was just the waiting game.

Soon enough, you began feeling intense contractions. Heeseung stayed by your side the whole time, holding your hand, he wanted to do something to make your pain go away, but he knew he couldn’t.

With a few more contractions, pushes, and heavy breaths featuring a river full of heeseung’s tears, your baby girl was finally here.

“Can I hold her?” Heeseung asked in a voice barely above a whisper. After they cut the umbilical cord, He reached out to grab her tiny body. As soon as she was in his arms, she started crying. “Aww, it’s okay baby, it’s me, it’s daddy” her cries died down as she began sucking on her thumb.

He looked over at you to see you already staring at him “you did it!” he kissed your forehead.

“We did it” you smile at him feeling exhausted.

“Wanna go say hi to mommy?” He placed her in your hands gently. Sitting in a chair next to your bed.

“She has your eyes, so shiny and beautiful.”

“She does, doesn’t she?” He said while looking fondly at the both of you.

“So, what are we going to name her?”

“I was thinking crystal,” he said shyly.

“Why crystal?

“Never mind. It’s dumb. What did you have in mind?”

“Babe, come on, I’m sure it’s not dumb, go ahead and tell me.”

“It’s just crystals are known for healing and creating a positive atmosphere, so I just thought that would be the perfect name for her,” he tells you.

“I think that crystal is a beautiful name.”

“You think so?”’

You nodded, watching her sucking on her little thumb, “crystal it is,” you looked up at heeseung, watching his lips curve up into that perfect smile of his.

You spent the night in the hospital just to make sure everything was fine. The next day you both went home and got everything set up for your newborn. Well, heeseung did anyways, insisting that you should rest more.

Later that night, heeseung laid down with you on the bed, holding baby crystal in his arms. He couldn’t keep his hands off her.

“You’re hogging her all to yourself, babe,” you pouted.

“Hogging? Do you even want to go there with me right now? You literally carried her for almost nine months, and you’re talking about hogging, baby, I hate to tell you this, but your mommy has some loose screws,” he said in a cute voice rubbing his nose on her tiny face.

“I do not,” you gasped, pretending to be offended.

“Fine, you can take her.”

He pulled out his phone to snap some pictures of you two.

“The two most beautiful girls in the whole world” he set the picture as his Lock Screen and Home Screen right after he took it.

“And they just so happened to be accompanied by the most handsome man in the world.”

“I’d say sexy, but I suppose handsome is good for now.”

“Never mind, I take it back.”

“Nope. No take backs” he kissed your cheek.

“Actually, I have something even better.”

“Hmm?” He looked at you with curious eyes.

“To me, you’re the most handsomest sexiest, hottest lovable person on earth.”

“Stop it,” he whined.

“And with the biggest,” he quickly covered your mouth.

“Y/n! what’s the matter with you!?” He was shocked that you were even about to say something like that. Well, outside of being intimate anyways.

“What? I was just going to say with the biggest heart ever. Why? What were you thinking of? Wait, don’t tell me," he twiddle his thumbs while blushing, “wow, you really are a kinky, aren’t you?”

“I’m not” he buried his face in his pillow. You decided that was enough teasing for the night.

-

5 years had already passed since you had your little one. And just like heeseung promised, he spent more time with the both of you. He was there for crystals first words, her first steps, and even rubbed it in your face when she would pick him over you.

Everything was perfect.

Until the past few months, he always came home late. Oh yeah, he moved in with you shortly after crystal was born cause of the convenience of it. Plus, it was closer to his job.

But something just wasn’t sitting right with you, he always said he would work late, but one time you called his job cause you were feeling particularly anxious that day, and they said he had already left. You really wanted to trust him, but how could you when he was obviously lying to you.

Some nights you’d stay up late waiting for him, others sleeping on the couch or crying yourself to sleep.

“Mommy, wheres daddy?” Crystal approached you on the couch tugging at your shirt.

“Daddy is just working late, that’s all” you lied to her just like he lied to you, but what could you tell her? You didn’t even know where he was. Maybe he just got tired of you both. Those same doubts from when you were first pregnant came flooding your mind just like they did years ago.

“but I want daddy to tuck me in,” she pouted.

“I know, baby, I’m sure he’ll be here soon,” you decided to call him.

“Babe?”

“Talk to me, sweetheart.”

“Crystal wants you to tuck her in. Where are you?”

You could hear him sigh over the line.

“Honey, I’m really busy with work, but I’ll be over as soon as possible” he was already making his way to the car while he was on the phone.

“Okay, see you soon?”

“Yes, you will, baby. Bye, I love you more than words can even describe”

You couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I love you more” you hung up the call, hoping he’d come over.

“Is daddy coming?

“He’s on his way, baby” you distracted her with her favorite toys, and soon enough, heeseung arrived.

“Daddy!” Crystal ran to him, immediately hugging his leg.

“There she is! Look at you. You’re getting so big” he picked her up in his arms. “And heavy,” he groaned.

“Did you miss daddy?” She nodded her head as a yes. “I missed you more. Does mommy talk about me when I’m gone?”

“No, mommy just cries a lot” you avoided eye contact with him.

He looked at you with furrowed eyebrows. He was definitely going to talk to you later, but not in front of crystal.

“Come on, daddy’s gonna tuck you in” he exited the room and came back a while later, somehow tucking in turned into reading a whole bedtime story, but he didn’t mind it one bit.

As soon as you heard the door to her room shut, you started to panic.

What am i going to tell him?

“So, sweetheart, what is this I hear about you crying?”

“I just miss you, that’s all” how could you be mad at him for lying, and you were lying to him yourself.

“Honey, you can’t really lie to me, you know. I’ve known you for six years. Just tell me what’s on your mind.”

“Please, don’t hate me” he looked at you with confusion written on his face.

“How could I ever hate you? Just tell me what’s wrong, yeah?”

“I'm worried that there’s someone else. I mean, you come home late and barely answer my calls. I called your job one time when you were late, and they said you weren’t there.”

“So you don’t trust me anymore? What is a relationship without trust?”

You just looked down, feeling guilty.

“I can’t believe you’d think so low of me” he wanted to tell you the truth so bad, but he couldn’t let you on to what he’s been planning.

“It’s not you. I think low of, I just figured maybe you’re bored of me, I don’t look the way I used to, and now that crystal is old enough to do things on her own, I just thought maybe you’d leave”

“Y/n, you’re breaking my heart right now. How could I ever get bored of you? You make me so happy. Just seeing you both every day makes my heart feel so content, and watching you being such a good mother makes me want to give you the world cause you deserve it and so much more and don’t even get me started on your appearance.

He grabbed your hand and made you stand up, “yep, that’s my girl, look at you” he gripped your waist, trailing his hands up and down your sides. He kissed your shoulder and reached in front of you, rubbing your stomach and making his way towards your breast’s, squeezing them softly.

He pressed his body into your backside, and you could feel his hard on.

“I know you feel that,” he whispered in your ear, and you felt shivers run down your spine. “Even after all these years, I could still cum in my pants at the mere sight of you,” he took a deep breath while rubbing himself against you.

“Heeseung,” you moaned.

“Sweetheart, let’s have another, please?”

You knew how bad he’s been wanting another baby, and you really wanted to give him one.

You turned around and pressed your lips against his giving him the green light.

“Jump” you jumped wrapping your legs around his waist.

Just when he was about to take you to the bedroom, crystal came out of her room, rubbing her tired eyes.

“Daddy, what are you doing to mommy?” He set you back on the ground gently.

He stared at you and panicked. His whole face flushed red while he stammered, trying to make up an excuse.

“You see, baby, when a man loves a-“ you turned to him, eyes nearly bulging out of your head. Was he really going to have “the talk” with a 5 year old.?

“What are you doing?” You whispered shouted.

“I don’t know. Do you have a better idea?”

“Baby, he was just tucking mommy in. You know how daddy tucks you in sometimes?” She nodded her tiny head.

You gave heeseung the eye for him to play along.

“Yup, I was just tucking mommy in,”

“Why is daddy turning red? And why is daddy acting weird?”

You turned around to look at him smirking.

He shook his head, signaling you not to.

“Well, baby, daddy is just weird.”

his jaw was practically on the ground, but he knew it was payback for all the times he teased you.

“Come on, baby, back to bed” you carried her in your arms and tucked her back in.

“How am I weird?” He asked when you got back from her room.

“You’re not. But it’s just so easy to tease you.”

“Well, I guess we’re even now.”

“I'd say so, now let’s finish what you started” you kissed him on the lips and led him to the bedroom.

It wasn’t even minutes before you were both completely naked and roaming all over each other’s bodies.

“Do you remember how we did it when we first met?”

“I actually don’t” you lied to get a reaction from him.

“O-oh, umm, never mind then,” and after all these years of being with him, you could tell whenever he lowered his tone just in the slightest, he was upset about something.

He gave you the perfect reaction. So why not tease him more?

“If it was special, I might have remembered” you sat on top of him, tracing his pecs with your index finger.

“It wasn’t special to you?” The sadness in his tone even more evident.

You sunk down on his cock, taking him by surprise. A loud gasp escaping him.

“Of course, I remember. How could I forget my first time, especially with someone as perfect as you.”

“So you think you’re funny n-now?” He moaned feeling feeling his tip in the deepest part of you.

His head tipped back, and you zeroed in on his neck, sucking on it and leaving dark marks everywhere your lips touched.

“I thought so,” you continued sucking on his neck down to his shoulders.

“Please just fuck me already,” he mewled out. It had been just a bit too long since he last had you, even though it hadn’t been a week yet.

“I’ve got you, baby” you rested your hands on his chest, starting out slowly, but it was just too slow for him.

“Sweetheart, you know I love taking my time with you. but tonight, I really just can’t wait.”

You lifted yourself all the way up and sunk back down on his hard pulsing cock, riding him as fast as you could.

“Oh y/n, that’s it. Don’t stop. Please don’t stop” he was moaning continuously, and you were worried that crystal might hear.

You guided his face to your chest, and he instantly latched his mouth on your nipple while you bounced up and down on him.

Usually, he was always very dominant in bed. But having him under you and moaning so loud was a side you would definitely like to see more often from him.

“Fuck, sweetheart, still so tight, just like the first time.”

You were already starting to get tired, but there was no way you were stopping when you felt him twitching inside you.

And his soft whimpers of how good you felt only made you ride him harder.

“And you’re still just as perfect as the first time” you moved his bangs away from his forehead, admiring how beautiful he looked under you.

He looked at you completely mesmerized, his eyes wide and shiny, and his mouth parted slightly as he focused on your beautiful face and the pleasure you were giving to him.

It was only when he placed his thumb on your clit that you felt your orgasm approaching. He rolled your nipple between his fingers, caressing the hardened bud. At the same time, his mouth worked on your other one.

He could already feel you clenching down on him. It was only a matter of time before your orgasm washed over you.

“Heeseung!” You dropped your head on his shoulder as your whole body shook with pleasure.

You didn’t slow down. If anything, you rode him faster, wanting him to cum with you. The sound of skin slapping could be heard all throughout the room, mixed with profanities and loud moans of each other’s names.

“Fuck, y/n, that’s it, I’m gonna cum. I’m g-gonna cum” after the words breathlessly left his lips, you could feel him pumping his seed deep inside of you.

“That’s right, baby, give me all of your cum”

The warmth of him filling you up had you reaching your second orgasm, squeezing his cock uncontrollably, milking him of all his release. Making sure none was wasted.

You rode out his high a little longer before collapsing on his chest,

“You’re going to look so sexy carrying our second baby.” he took a deep breath and rubbed your back soothingly. Once you could feel your legs again, you pried yourself away from his sticky body.

As soon as he lifted you up and pulled out, he watched a mix of yours and his cum leaking from your hole and down his cock, some of it coating his balls and dripping down to stain the sheets.

He bit his lip to control his moans. The sight had him turned on all over again.

Just when you were about to get up and go to the bathroom, he called out to you.

“Wait! Maybe we should go for a round two, just to make sure” he looked at you sheepishly. And the twitching of his cock didn’t go unnoticed by you.

“Fine, just to make sure, but you’re on top this time.”

“Say no more, sweetheart,” later that night. You learned that round two was actually code for all night and morning.

-

A week had passed, and he was finally finished with his project.

He felt so bad for lying. But it was just a little white lie, he hated the fact it made you sad that he was gone all the time, but it would all be over soon.

He was working with someone to get a custom engagement ring made, so technically, it wasn’t a lie. He was still working, just working in a different building with different people.

Finally, after so long, he was able to get everything set up. He wanted to make everything perfect for you.

He woke you up extra early.

“Honey, wake up. I have a surprise for you.” He caressed your cheek.

You rubbed the sleep from your eyes and glared at him.

“Are you crazy? It’s 7 in the morning.”

“And? You should be up by now anyway, hurry up and get ready while I make crystal something to eat, and don’t you dare give me that look ever again.”

“Fine,” you threw off your covers and went to the bathroom.

Once you were finally done, you saw heeseung and crystal playing with toys in the living room.

“Look! Mommy decided to show, after all, baby,”

“Heeseung, I’m really not in the mood right now.”

He ran up to you and grabbed your hand, pulling you towards the door.

“Well, too bad, get in the mood. I have a lot planned for us today. Can I get a good morning kiss first?”

“No.”

“Fine, then we just won’t go.” He folded his arms acting like a kid.

“Good,” you started to walk back to your room. He quickly blocked your path.

“Y/n, come on, just one kiss” he puckered his lips, waiting for your kiss.

You pecked his cheek,

“Happy now? Let’s just go, please.”

“But it wasn’t on the lips” you couldn’t help but smile at how cute he was being.

You grabbed him by his collar, pressing him against the wall and kissing him, you bit down on his lip a little, and he gasped. You used the opportunity to stick your tongue in his mouth and devour him whole. He struggled to keep up with you from the sudden action as tiny little moans escaped him.

You pulled away, leaving him utterly breathless.

“Can we go now?

He touched his lips with the tips of his fingers.

“Y-yes, we can go” his felt the heat rise to his cheeks. “Oh my god,” he cupped his face with his hands.

“Hee? Are you coming or not?” You smiled at him from the doorway, it was so cute how flustered he got whenever you would kiss him.

“Coming,” he quickly followed after you.

-

Everything might have gone fine if he didn’t have you blindfolded the whole way there.

“Are we almost there yet?”

“Honey, just be patient, and we’re actually here now.”

“So, I can take this off?”

“Not just yet” he got out of the car and led you and crystal into a tiny wooded area.

He tweaked a few more things, and then he was ready. He patted his pocket just to make sure he had the ring. He placed his hand on his chest, trying to calm his heart, but it was no use. Whenever you were around, it was impossible for his heart rate to be normal.

“Okayyyyy open!” He took both of your blindfolds off and let your eyes adjust.

You let out a sound of utter shock. You couldn’t believe your eyes. You stood in front of a bubble tent with lights decorating the whole exterior, pictures of you, him, and Crystal everywhere, accompanied by rose petals and a little table with some of your favorite snacks.

You didn’t say anything. You just hugged him as tightly as you possibly could. What did you ever do to deserve a man so perfect?

“Please, tell me you like it” he was starting to get a little nervous from your silence.

“I love it!”

“But not more than you love me, right?” He hugged you back.

“Of course not. I love you the most.”

“Crystal, isn’t daddy the best?” You didn’t notice she had already run off and started eating some of the chocolates inside the tent.

You both shared a laugh at her behavior. She was always so easily distracted.

“When did you do all this?”

“You know when I was working late?”

You nodded your head, already knowing where he was going with this.

“I was planning this the whole time. I’m sorry I came home so late. but it was the only free time I had.”

“Don’t be sorry. I should be sorry for ever doubting you.”

“It’s okay. I also have one more surprise” he got down on one knee.

And the tears had already started to fall not just from your eyes but his as well.

“Y/n, I know we did everything completely backwards, but somehow everything just seemed to fall into place, we had ups and downs, but we got through them together as a team. I would have never been able to come this far without you. You and crystal are the best thing that’s ever happened to me. Thank you for making me a proud father of our baby girl. You both changed me for the better. You made me happy when I was sad, you were there for me when no one else was, you loved me unconditionally, and I can’t thank you enough for that. I know I’m not perfect, but I promise you that I’ll always try my absolute best cause you deserve it. And I can’t think of any other way I want to spend the rest of my life than with you by my side, so y/n m/n l/n will you marry me?”

“Yes! heeseung, oh my god, yes, yes, yes,” you squealed while he stood up and slipped the ring on your finger.

He lifted you up and spun you around, Placing a kiss on your lips. “I love you so, so much” he sat you down.

“I love you more. You said you’re not perfect, but in my eyes, you’re absolutely flawless. I’m so happy to be yours, and I’m so proud of you for taking up such responsibility. You are a great father, and I know you’re going to be an even better husband.”

“Thank you for saying that it means so much to me” he rested his head on yours, eyes closed, just enjoying the moment.

He stroked the ring on your finger.

“And look, honey, I got three diamonds in the middle, one to represent each of us and both of our initials on the side.”

“You’re so thoughtful. I love it so much baby. How is it possible for me to love you more and more each day?”

“I think the better question is, how did I ever get so lucky to have you in my life each day?”

“When we met at a theater, and I spilled all of my popcorn,” you smiled, remembering the night like it was just yesterday.

“And I told you to clean it up,” he laughed. “I don’t know what was wrong with me back then.”

“What was wrong with you? What about me? There was definitely something not right with the both of us” you laughed along with him.

“Well, maybe wrong, is just our right” he smiled and grabbed your hand leading you inside the tent.

You both joined crystal in the tent and ate the snacks he prepared while talking about all the memories you had together.

“You know, I never told you this, but the first night we met, I actually ran to the parking lot to search for you, but you were already gone.”

Your ears perked up.

“Really? Why?”

“Cause I think deep down inside, I already knew I was madly in love with you.”

“Eww, daddy’s being weird again.”

“Crystal stop it,” you said sternly but broke out into a fit of laughter seconds later.

“Why are you both so mean? All I’ve ever done is love you, and this is the thanks I get?” He pouted.

“Aww, don’t be sad, baby. You know just how much I love you.”

Crystal just shook her head and ignored you both, running outside the tent to play in the grass and enjoy the beautiful weather.

“I think I have an idea. Seeing how you gave yourself up to me so easily all those years ago, you practically begged me for it” he bit his lip, watching your demeanor change instantly.

“Why are you so perverted all the time? Is that all it’s about for you is sex?” You looked at him with a fake disgusted expression.

“Like you didn’t know that when you met me. and you say that as if you’re not the same girl who so eagerly rode me in a theater and begged for me to cum ins-“

“Okay! I think that’s enough going down memory lane. For now”

“Are you sure cause I think there’s a few bits and pieces that I left out”

“Do you mean the part where you came in your pants, and I barely even touched you?”

“Can you blame me? Just look at you. Plus, you’re the one who said it was, and I quote, “the hottest thing ever.” he popped a chocolate into his mouth.

“Whatever”

“Just come over here and cuddle with me. You’re too far away. and I want to feed you.”

“Okay,” you lay next to him and he wrapped his arm around you, you both looked at the sky, pointing out clouds that were shaped like animals and even one that resembled a heart like shape. He stole kisses here and there and never forgot to mention how lucky he was to have you in his life.

If anyone had told you this was how your life would end up after six years, you wouldn’t have believed them. It just sounded too good to be true. But here you were with the love of your life and your precious daughter, making even more unforgettable memories.

Oh, and did I forget to mention another baby was on the way?

The future held so much for you both. But you and heeseung took your time and didn’t rush anything cause you could only live one day at a time, and there was no need to. Time already passed quickly enough when you were with the ones you truly loved.

-

Nine months later and you were going into labor again but with twins this time. Heeseung was ecstatic about having twins. There was something about you and babies he just couldn’t seem to get enough of,

It felt like deja vu getting up In the middle of the night and waking up heeseung, your now husband of five months.

“Babe?” You shook him awake.

“Yes, honey?”

“I think I’m going into labor. My water just broke”

“Okay, he turned back on his side and closed his eyes. They immediately shot back open when he processed what you had just said. “Your water broke?!” He jumped out of bed, scrambling to find his keys.

“The keys, the keys, where are the damn keys?!”

“Baby, they’re on the nightstand.”

“Thank you, honey” he flashed you the biggest smile and grabbed his overnight bags, he woke up crystal and headed out of the door with her in his arms.

“Daddy, where’s mommy?”

“Mommy is in her roo-“ and it finally dawned on him. You waited a few seconds for him to realize what he did. Sure enough, he was back inside looking at you.

“Sweetheart, I swear, I didn’t forget you this time” he swooped you up in his arms and carried you to the car.

“I believe you” you kissed his cheek as he buckled you in. He went to the driver's side, grabbing your hand and driving you both to the hospital.

“I love you so much, sweetheart.”

“I love you more.”

There was no way you would trade this life for anything. Sure, things were rocky in the beginning, but it all seemed to fall into place, just like heeseung said, and when he promised you the world, you knew he would give it to you cause he never broke his promises.

Who knew you’d find the love of your life, your husband, and the father of all three of your kids from spilling a bucket of popcorn.

The end ~

🏷permanent taglist @hee-in @jayroseyy @axartia @bunhoons @ashxsmoon @lhsggg @scarlet127 @kpopscruggles @badidealy @heeseungleeworld @duolingofanaccount if you want to be added or removed, just leave an ask or comment.

Sorry for any typos/errors Likes and reblogs are much appreciated. I hope you enjoy!🤎

[word-wytch]

My thoughts on Flight of Icarus (so far!)

I finally got my hands on the book yesterday and also had time to read which hasn’t happened in a very hot minute.

These are just my first impressions, commentary, and takeaways from chapters 1-9.

More will come, but I am realizing that I have so much to say that I need to break it up ✨

I will start off by saying that I was skeptical, as all of us were, when this book was announced. Prior to reading it, I had been steering clear of spoilers and others’ reactions just so that I could go in completely unbiased and with an open mind and heart.

Within the first 10 pages, I was crying. Like, openly weeping. Something about Eddie talking first person about his childhood experiences and confirming what so many of us suspected hit me so suddenly. I was not prepared for the swell of emotions that bubbled over as a result of not only that, but reading his name printed on a real, hard bound book when I've only ever read it from a screen was something else as well. Something about it being officially licensed by ST and providing us with some concrete backstory (if we choose to take it) for so many things that we've been only speculating on for the last year and a half.

These are a few snippets that really had me going:

Anyway, I'm broken.

Onto the writing --

I genuinely think what I've read so far has been incredibly well-written. The first person narration sounds so much like Eddie, as does the dialogue. The insights and ways he describes things cleverly but also with that touch of dark humor that he deflects with so often is very present. I do feel like I'm stepping into his curly noggin and viewing the world through his bambi eyes. It's such a treat.

Also, I have noticed her using many words that he frequently uses in his limited dialogue on the show in her narration, the main one I can think of right now being "not exactly". It's touches like these that let me know how closely she's paying attention.

I am also impressed with the general quality of prose, how she seamlessly integrates setting and character description into the scene. Also clever and creative ways to describe objects that still stay very in character. This one stands out:

Also this. This hyper-awareness that his home life is different than his peers, something I try to illustrate in my own writing and appreciate that this author did as well:

As a writer, I learn so much from reading. I can honestly say that I am learning from this experience as well, and dare I say it, am inspired.

The chapter I am working on now for DSSCTM deals heavily with similar themes and questions that FOI covers, such as Eddie's motivations for staying in school, his relationship to his dad, and how he views himself. So I feel a lucky sense of coincidence that this book was released during the time I am writing it. I, like everyone else, invented my own backstory for his parents that suited the story I was trying to tell and will keep it for consistency going forward.

Characters that stuck out to me --

Gareth -- OH. MY GOD. BABY GARETH. Little fluffy ball of rage. I cannot. My heart is going to explode fr. Also the tenderness with which Eddie handles him is just too much for me.

Ronnie -- Stan her. You know, this character really makes me wonder how much of our fics the author has read because I feel like it is one of the most common and earliest tropes for our Reader characters to be best friends of his that grew up in the trailer park along side him. Maybe it's just an obvious trope? But interesting she included it. Also making her the book-smart one who's got a golden ticket out is another very common thing I see in our stories.

Chrissy -- I love the bit of backstory I've read so far and how sympathetic she writes her. I love that we get the whole scene of them before the talent show and them bonding for a short moment.

Al -- There aren't enough words for how big a piece of shit this man is. When he said this to Wayne I almost yeeted my book across the room. Nobody talks to Wayne Munson like this in my house. 😤

Paige -- Eh. Not sold tbh. Although I do appreciate reading through Eddie's first person narration about him having a crush on someone though. It's cute. Just the crush part, not Paige specifically. She's mid so far.

Principal Higgins -- I had to suspend my disbelief a bit for how strong he came on tbh. I mean, I think she made a somewhat believable case for his absolutely unhinged behavior but it still struck me as borderline unbelievable how Higgins spoke to Eddie like that. What it did confirm for me was something I had suspected from the beginning, which is that Eddie's dad never graduated high school. Also, I appreciate the question being asked about why he is still in school BUT my issue is that this question isn't as applicable in his first senior year as it is in his third. I think the author was trying to find a reason for Higgins to be asking it and had to dig a little to try and make it believable. It's a question I have asked myself, one that I had Teach ask him in the first chapter of DSSCTM, and one I will be exploring in ch. 16.

One final theme-related thing I noticed and appreciate:

How chapter 4 ends with his dad telling him to sleep on the idea of pulling off a heist with him and chapter 5 begins with "The question is pretty simple. At the end of the day, who do you want to be?" and proceeds to a scene of him building a character with Gareth. Likewise in real life, Eddie is figuring out who he wants to be, and I think using this as a metaphor is really clever and beautiful.

ALSO. A theory. Illian died right? Illian wasn't Gareth's he was Jeff's. What if this is alluding to the possibility of another character we all know and love who supposedly died in canon to be able to come back and re-invent themselves? 👀

Could just be my delusional ass reading into this way too much but it was just a thought I had.

Anyway, onward. ✨

[whump-card]

Forged Divinity Chapter 28: Leannan is Miserable

1401 words

CW: past institutionalized slavery, religious themes, negative self-talk

Previous, Masterlist, Next

~~~

Leannan spent the next two days wallowing in bed. Enjolras or Jeanette would come by occasionally to coax him into eating something, but otherwise he was left alone.

No punishment came. No balancing of the scales.

Everything was too much. The lies were too much. The books were too much. The fact that his sister didn’t believe in God was too much. The humiliation was too much. His new family was too much.

So he tried not to think about any of it.

Instead, he thought about Phineas.

Sure, if Leannan was human, then the way Phineas had treated him was wrong – but Phineas didn’t know that! As far as Phineas knew, they had been treating Leannan properly. Fairly. The worst thing they’d ever done to Leannan was something Leannan has asked for, no, begged for.

They listened to Leannan. Sometimes. And they were… funny, and protective, and possessive in a way that made Leannan a little giddy, and they’d saved Leannan so many times.

Leannan missed Phineas. He missed their presence, their smile, their authority, their ownership. He even missed being intimate with them. The realization brought tears to his eyes.

He’d never felt like this about a master before. Not even the good ones.

He fantasized about what it would be like to see Phineas again. He’d tell them about how he was actually a human, and Phineas would completely understand. But maybe Phineas would still like to be his master anyway, just to keep things in order.

Leannan had no idea what to do without a master.

Enjolras had made it abundantly clear, and Leannan had finally accepted it: she was not his master, and never would be. He was masterless, currently, and felt horribly adrift because of it. Leannan often had his own goals and interests, certainly, but those usually aligned with the goals and interests of his current master, or the aim of being sold to a new, better master.

He didn’t have high hopes for learning to live without one. The rest of his family had had twelve years to adjust. Meanwhile, Leannan had lived twelve years constantly relying on another person.

Can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

He was a misfit here. He didn’t know how to play with the children, or handle the chickens, or milk the goats. He didn’t know how to… be the way the rest of them were.

Happy, maybe. They seemed happy.

Until they were around Leannan, anyway.

He combed over previous conversations and encounters, convincing himself that he had been constantly making people uncomfortable, disgusted, sad. How miserable it must be for them, to have finally gotten him home only to realize he was a fucked out whore who didn’t know how to live like them, how to be normal like them, how to be human like them.

All he’d done since arriving was ruin things.

Leannan spiraled.

~~~

“Okay, that’s enough!” Enjolras declared. She shook Leannan’s shoulder gently. “I’m on duty to help with lunch, and you’re coming with me.”

Leannan groaned and curled up tighter around his pillow.

“Do I have to?” he grumbled.

“You know what? Yeah, I think you do.”

Aisling was already getting things started in the restaurant kitchen when they arrived. She did a double take when she saw Leannan, but she smiled.

“Hey, good to see you!”

Leannan nodded, not quite looking at her. Enjolras nudged him forward.

“What can he do?”

“We’re reheating soup from last night, and making salad and a peach cobbler. The cobbler recipe’s on the table, or…” she hesitated, remembering that Leannan couldn’t read, “He can chop veggies for the salad.”

Enjolras nodded and went to work, setting up a station with a knife, a cutting board, and a bowl of washed cucumbers. She parked Leannan in front of it.

“Have at it!” she said brightly, and bent over the cookbook to figure out what she needed for the cobbler – but when she glanced up a minute later, Leannan hadn’t moved.

“Leannan?”

“I don’t know how,” he mumbled, his cheeks flushing red. He looked like he might cry.

“That’s okay!” Enjolras assured him, “Let me show you.” She took his place in front of the cutting board. “Hold the knife like this, okay? And then you hold the thing you’re cutting like this, with your fingers curled under so that you don’t chop them off, yeah? And then you want to slice it… about that thick. Okay, you try.” She put down the knife and stepped back.

Leannan slowly picked up the knife, rested his hand on the cucumber, and sank the knife into it with hesitant, jerky motions. The slice that fell away was thick and lopsided. Leannan stared at it blankly.

“Okay, um… Hey, Aisling!” Enjolras called to the other woman, “Do you want to switch with Leannan? Let him stir the soup while you chop?”

“Oh, sure…” Aisling started to say, but Leannan burst into tears, dropping the knife onto the counter and pressing his hands over his face.

Enjolras deflated a little. She had been hoping that some honest work would pull Leannan out of his funk, and it was already backfiring.

“Leannan,” she spoke softly, “Can you tell me what you’re thinking?”

“I don’t – I can’t, It’s too hot in here, I can’t think!” Leannan wailed.

“Okay, that’s okay,” Enjolras took his shoulders and began to gently guide him away, “Let’s get out of here for a minute.”

She exchanged a somber nod with Aisling as she steered Leannan out of the kitchen. They’d talked, the day after Leannan had burned the books – Enjolras and all the other adults on the island. Enjolras had been a bit more candid. Jeanette had filled in some blanks as well. What they had concluded was Leannan’s experience had been far worse than any of them could imagine, and worse than they might ever even know, and his mental state reflected that. They couldn’t punish him, nor could they force him to live like they did. They needed to give him space, encouragement, and love, and to understand that he wouldn’t always react the way they expected. It would take him a while to let go of certain things.

Enjolras sat Leannan down at one of the dining tables, and pulled a chair for herself up next to him. The dining room was completely empty, allowing them some privacy.

“What just happened?” she asked him, sitting down.

“I don’t know how to – how to do anything,” Leannan lamented between hiccuping sobs, “I’m not made for this, I don’t belong here.”

“Leannan, you’ve only been here for, what, four days? It’s going to take time for you to adjust, but you will, I promise.”

Leannan lifted his tear-streaked face from his hands, his cheeks red and snot running.

“But all I do is mess things up! All I do is make people miserable,” he choked out.

“That’s not true,” Enjolras said, putting an arm around his shoulders and squeezing him, “You don’t make me miserable.”

Leannan pulled his knees up and hugged them to his chest.

“I’m the oldest,” he sniffled, “For years I thought I was the youngest, and then that I was the only one, but now I’m the oldest, and I don’t know how to be like them at all! I don’t know how to be part of… a family. Or maybe I used to, and I forgot.”

“Leannan, it took everyone a long time to learn how to live outside Iowa City,” Enjolras said, “You’re feeling exactly what Aisling felt, what Shannon felt, Clary, all of them – nobody knew how to live free when they were first rescued. They had to learn, and they had to do a lot of it on their own, but you don’t! You have everyone here to help you, and everyone wants to help you. You just have to let them.”

“Do you believe in God, Enjolras?” Leannan asked unexpectedly. Enjolras took a moment to shift gears, but she answered.

“Yeah, actually, I do,” she said, “Not the God you were raised with, though, something a little different. A little kinder.”

“Why doesn’t Shannon?” Leannan whispered.

“That’s not a question I can answer for her,” Enjolras said, “How about…”

“Enjolras!” Clary popped up at the top of the stairs, “Radio for you!”

Enjolras frowned slightly.

“Now’s not the best time.”

Clary shook their head.

“It’s Phineas.”

~~~

Previous, Masterlist, Next

Taglist: @angst-after-dark, @sunshiline-writes, @flowersarefreetherapy, @thecyrulik

[darkness-holds-eternal-light]

So I don't know if it is just me. But I've recently read some X-files fanfictions, some better than others and I hadn't done that in a long time for various reasons. So I've noticed something that I'm a bit curious about how other X-files fans might see it. I don't know if it's just me and my little thoughts but a common theme in the series and very much in fanfictions is Scully wanting to be/ seem independent and Mulder having to deal with that. I agree that it does appear in the series. There are instances again and again where she doesn't let Mulder close, especially emotionally. There is a whoooooole big essay I could write on that but my reflectiveness is more on the part how it is received in the fandom and subsequently put into fanfiction. It was never my main focus but now that I've thought about it, I genuinely don't think that Mulder is the kind of guy who worries endlessly about not overstepping her "self-empowerment" line. She's 5"2 for God's sake!

I often read it in fanfictions that he worries himself so much about not wanting to be the typical macho-guy who thinks her incapable of something or who has to emphasize that she can "handle herself" and I really don't think he's so henpecked that he would let her reprimand him for interfering, let alone scolding himself for being too possessive/ wanting to protect her/ being masculine around her.

It's totally okay if people write that and if it feels good for them to read that and see Mulder this way. I was personally never a big Mulder-fan, I just like them together. So I don't care as much what kind of man he would be but I do care for Scully's sake and for the sake of their relationship. So I don't know if it's simply my projection or actually objectively more true but I always thought that Mulder respected her very much and held her highly and had a lot of confidence in her abilities naturally and out of esteem and awe maybe, but he never seemed like the guy to me who would worry that he overstepped her self-image or her boundaries. I don't think he would let her deter him from any actions and also not from stepping in for her sake, no matter what she did in return. If he seriously worried for her safety or for a certain situation, I think he would let her be angry at him but not waver from his actions at all, even if she thought he was being chauvinistic or whatever. To me he seemed sure enough in himself to take the lead if needed to. And to my recollection Scully never seriously scolded him for intervening for her. She gets avoidant or defensive very quickly on certain subjects but she always seemed to trust his actions and needed to because he had to save her from a lot of stuff during their work days anyways.

It's totally okay if we have different versions of Mulder and Scully and their relationship. I just recently thought about it more and I just don't like the stories where Mulder gets emasculated in that way and Scully gets written so b*tchy and offensive. I think they both have more layers and a rather mutually trusting dynamic in my opinion.

[lackablazeical]

Apologies for the repeat ask, I just think mine got lost in all the others and now that you're answering asks I just wanted to try again so please ignore the first one if you manage to find it (again, really sorry if this bothers you and thanks for taking the time to read all of this). First off, I absolutely adore this AU!!!! I love how dark and angst-filled it is and the toxic relationships and the characterizations as a whole are so brilliantly well-done. You manage to draw me deeper and deeper into this twisted fiction with you and your co-writters masterful ideas and art. Not to mention how refreshing and relieving it is to be able to enjoy all of this angst without having to worry about if the individual(s) behind this truly feel that those kinds of relationships work that way (ie. romanticises/normalises it). All in all, thank you so much for all the time and effort you and your co-writors have put into this, it's greatly appreciated and I can't wait to see more!!!

P.S. I feel like Hateful Ever After by Ellise as well as a bunch of her other songs plus Paparazzi by Lady Gaga work really well in encompassing the vibes Addams Leosagi gives off. Maybe some of Upsahl, Will Wood and Confetti (especially Rob a Bank) songs for Addams Mikey too?

Thank you gain for taking the time to read this huge text dump and I hope you have a wonderful day(s)/week(s)/month(s)/year(s) because you deserve it and don't let anyone else tell you otherwise!!

No worries!!!!! I see every ask I get, I just have like. The lowest social battery ever, and for some reason asks are included in that (yeah, idk either) so I don't answer often. Your words are so, completely, absolutely screamed and fawned over.

We love dark themes and it's nice to see that you agree!!!!! All the dynamics and stuff are always so fun to work on and flesh out, how toxic relationships manifest in loads of different ways and how to portray that correctly. Labor of love, for sure!!!! Sad that some people do romanticize or normalize it, but all there is to do is be better then they are, yk?

Thank you for your kind words!!!!!! They are so so appreciated, you don't even know!!! We have lots of stuff in the works, which is so exciting (and nerve-racking, lol).

Now, song reccs!!!! Hell yeah >:]]]]]

For Hateful Ever After, I think the tone is really Leo, but the lyrics hit me over the head with Usagi. Like, Spot on!!!

Don't tell my brother, please // I know he worries about me // Seen I've been losing sleep 

The ones who told me all I need to know // But, I can't go back even if I want

Four eyes to watch each other cry // Three lies, you whispered to me that night // Two arms to hold my broken trust // One heart for the both of us

AS FOR PAPARAZZI?????? THE FACT ITS SO LEO *AND* ITS GAGA????? LEO WOULD LOVE GAGA OH MY GOD. LOVED THESE LINES.

I'm your biggest fan, I'll follow you until you love me

But I won't stop until that boy is mine // Baby, you'll be famous, chase you down until you love me

Look at the past blast, I'ma make you fall on your ass // Suck it up and pacify, but it's irrelevant

As for Mikey, I do love those!!!! ESPECIALLY Rob A Bank (hell, I put it on my OWN playlist, it fucking slaps). I also really like Ghost by Confetti for him too!!!! Confetti just seems to be really good overall LOL

I didn't listen to too many songs by each artist, just some of the first that popped up, but I really loved both Drugs and People I Don't Like by UPSAHL for him too! That's really how Mikey approaches his fame and the people he has to interact with because of it. He's there for the drugs and the party, not for the people. And he's aware they aren't there for HIM, but the connections he can give them.

As for Will Wood, Main Character is SOOOO Mikey. Bro really would call people NPCs LMAOOOO. I loved the line "God forbid I'm seen just as an average human being." That alone definitely made it an insta-add to his playlist :]

GOOD LUCK READING MY TEXT DUMP RIGHT BACK!!!!! HAVE AN AWESOME DAY TOO <333 THANK YOU AGAIN FOR YOUR ASK!!!

[fincalinde]

nie huaisang and/or nie mingjue for the ask meme 🧋

Bold! Very bold. Standard disclaimer that I'm aware not everyone is aiming for canon consistency in their fan content, but I find it disheartening that there is so little content produced where the end result is canon consistent. When I express frustrations it is in relation to trends and not specific fics or individuals.

Nie Huaisang

a song that reminds me of them

I honestly don't have any songs that remind me of him, beyond the very weak connection of the results of the impact he has on other characters. He's not a character with much interiority, so nothing really clicked for me in that regard.

what they smell like

I imagine he smells pretty good since he likes to dress well and wear jewellery and that implies he's relatively fastidious. I am guessing he probably smells like clean human in the early part of his life, and then maybe once he's clan leader he has more scope to have whatever incenses he wants floating through the Unclean Realm so then he might smell of those. And obviously there's various hair oils—he's got his signature look with his rings and his fan so it's possible he has a signature hair oil. But maybe it would be declassé to wear so much hair oil that everyone else can smell it and you'd only be able to tell up close and personal oh my god why have I written this many words about how NHS smells

an otp

There's certainly no one in the cast he makes sense with. My personal feeling is that he's really not the type of person who's ever going to work effectively in any kind of partnership, so I don't see him ever being in a relationship that would be a healthy and successful one. I imagine he does marry postcanon though - now is the time to sire heirs and keep the Nie on top.

a notp

The idea of NHS with JGY is particularly distasteful to me.

favorite platonic/familial relationships

Personally, I think the collective dynamic of the Venerated Triad isn't complete without NHS as the unofficial fourth member. LWJ, as is typical, opts out and doesn't give LXC the courtesy of referring to his sworn brothers with fraternal address (not that LXC minds, ilhsm). NHS however is all in on this bonus brother scheme. Not only does he address LXC and JGY as er-ge and san-ge, but he actually treats them like big brothers. He's pleased to see LXC, he's even more pleased to see JGY (omg presents), and it's quite nice that JGY in particular is trying to make up for NMJ's weaknesses in this area. That's not to say that JGY is correct to not make any demands of NHS at all, but he's certainly attempting to be a moderating influence and it's just all really interesting to me.

Of course once NMJ is dead, there's presumably not much time before his corpse first escapes its tomb and NHS concludes there was foul play. So we can't read too much into the way NHS runs back and forth to JGY and LXC, in the sense that obviously a large part of this is an act. But it's still interesting, and I think a lot of people forget that the narration says NHS is bothering LXC at the Cloud Recesses just as often as he's flinging himself on san-ge for fuss and support. This could become its own very long post, so I'll stop here.

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with

Obviously there are numerous 'headcanons' I disagree with, but to pick one of the most irritating ones, I really dislike this recurring theme I see of NHS showing his hand either postcanon or in divergences. This is a man who never broke character in all of canon—why on earth is he suddenly monologuing at length about his grievances in front of [insert characters here]? Canonically, all he does is obliquely confirm to WWX that he was behind setting the arm on the Mo family, manipulating MXY, killing the cats and luring the juniors, desecrating MS' body etc. But it's all implied and he does not ever relinquish plausible deniability.

It really makes no sense to me to think that NHS would drop his act postcanon, either in the canon scenario of dead JGY, or in a divergence scenario where JGY survives. As infuriating as it would be for him if JGY escaped, he's going to redouble his efforts rather than sabotage himself by confirming WWX's suspicions to literally anyone. He's held it together thus far even when it looked like his plan might go awry, and there's no reason to think he can't continue to hold it together through any further plans and/or confrontations.

NHS' greatest weapon is his ability to not break character, and we already know he doesn't break character in victory. So, a setback as basic as JGY surviving would just not be enough for him to relinquish his modus operandi. I really think he'd be privately furious and distressed, but would continue to disguise that and simply attempt to regroup. (Although, as I have also said before - in a divergence where JGY knows NHS is his enemy, NHS is toast. JGY outclasses NHS on every level and the only advantage NHS has is JGY's profound belief in his harmlessness. Once that is gone, it's game over.)

the position they sleep in

I've never really thought about this but I bet when he was little he would crawl into NMJ's bed and proceed to keep him awake all night by fidgeting.

a crossover au i’d love to see them in

Maybe one day I'll confirm how he fits in to my ATLA AU and write that. I do know where he is and what he's doing.

my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn

I can't say I've ever paid much attention, but I definitely find the wardrobe of CQL NHS to be disappointingly bland and unmemorable, so maybe just his default official artwork outfit? Seems like it fits the canonical brief of being sharp and fashionable with bonus fan.

—

Nie Mingjue

a song that reminds me of them

Definitely Running Deep by Delara.

Looking deep inside my thoughts And reflected shit I thought I could control But I'm paralysed and terrified And it's killing me but maybe that is fine

what they smell like

Human being + something a little bit metallic.

an otp

He's canonically ace as in no interest in relationships or sex, so none. As a side note I do think it's interesting that he doesn't marry and father children - I assume before the war he thinks he'll have more time, and afterwards he realises time is too short for him to raise and train his own children. But there's just a whisper in there of the classic NMJ 'do as I say not as I do' approach, because it's still a choice he's made that was influenced by his own preferences rather than solely his duty as clan leader.

a notp

I cannot think of any ship I dislike more than Nieyao. If I get into this it will become a dissertation, so we'll just leave it there. Suffice to say:

Physical abuse and mortal terror are not things that interest me when I'm shipping.

I am not in the habit of ignoring canonical character dynamics for my own convenience.

favorite platonic/familial relationships

Perhaps weirdly, I really enjoy NMJ and LXC because of the layers. I really like that the affection between them is genuine but that they just do not get each other and you can see throughout the flashbacks the way their relationship is eroding. And it's not drastic, dramatic erosion like NMJ and JGY, but instead the kind of sad recognisable drifting apart of two people who became friends in their youth because they're from similar backgrounds and have unique and heavy responsibilities—but those similarities are just not enough the older they get, and the more time passes the more apparent it becomes that they have fundamentally different outlooks on life.

I like that NMJ refuses to engage with LXC's basic point about context mattering, yet before he's fully in the grip of the sabre spirit maxing out his worst instincts, he's still capable of being moved by human sympathy when it's LXC making the argument. I like that LXC is the only person NMJ is ever visibly pleased to see. I really believe NMJ cares deeply about LXC, his only actual friend.

And, conversely, I also really like that NMJ is able to see that LXC has a closer bond and rapport with JGY and is frustrated by that. I don't know that I'd go all in on the theory that he's jealous of how close LXC and JGY are as a primary motivation as that's a bit too basic, but I do think that feeling of exclusion is one of the many factors swimming around in the murky depths of the dynamic of their sworn brotherhood.

Finally, I just love the contrast between LXC's relatively clear-eyed view of JGY, where he has a very good understanding of who JGY is and what he's all about even if he's not aware of all the lengths JGY ultimately has to go to, with his absolute obliviousness to who NMJ really is. NMJ is literally trying to stab JGY to death in public and only LXC's intervention prevents murder and yet another inter-clan war, and LXC is still like oh dear, Da-ge really is under a lot of stress. LXC is drifting further and further from NMJ (see the excellent meta from @xiyao-feels for a breakdown of this). Yet he still thinks of NMJ as being at heart the youthful clan leader he first befriended, rather than the current worst self incarnation whose negative qualities have been turned up to the max and who is a lethal ticking time bomb, a danger to everyone around him.

a headcanon that is popular in the fandom but that i disagree with

As always, do not get me started. I am absolutely baffled as to where cuddly wuddly giant teddy gym bunny biker Etsy crafter in touch with his fee-fees all bark and no bite NMJ comes from, because he certainly does not feature in canon. I'll stand by this for both MDZS and CQL. I've probably spilt enough ink on MDZS NMJ and we are given very detailed insight into his state of mind so that's a lot easier to reference, but it's worth noting that CQL NMJ is just as profoundly hypocritical and violent and it's vital to incorporate that into his character. Writing only his superficial righteousness, his love for NHS and his affection for LXC is really not enough. It annoys me when aspects of characters are excised in order to sanitise them for what appears to be mainly shipping purposes.

the position they sleep in

I think maybe it varies but he doesn't move much in the night unless he has nightmares. Which no one knows about because he always sleeps alone.

a crossover au i’d love to see them in

I also know what this guy is doing in my ATLA AU, and I'm super boring and not a huge fan of genuine crossovers—usually I prefer mashups where the characters of one canon are integrated into the setting of another without aping the original plot. I think it's really important to retain his arc of a) losing himself to all his worst qualities, and b) acknowledging that he's choosing to lose himself and handling it badly, but also it's not much of a choice when he can't opt out of the system he's in. I'm thinking maybe an X-Men AU where he has some kind of power that causes sabre-spirit-type degeneration and violence? It would need some kinks worked out of it but might be a decent shout.

my favorite outfit they’ve ever worn

Obviously his best look is when WWX is flicking his naked disembodied torso. Iconic.

[writergirl3]

4 Town As Songs I Shamelessly Loop

What it says! I've been feeling way more inspired after my week-long trip away. I dove back into my playlists and came up with this idea. Thanks for anyone who's still stuck around after my sorta hiatus. I'm gonna be updating more often again!

Enjoy my absolutely shambolic music taste and look out for more content soon 🧡

Robaire;

Vision of Love - Mariah Carey

'You treated me kind, sweet destiny! And I'll be eternally grateful, Holding you so close to me.'

Something about this song just screams 'Robaire' to me. The mix of slow jam sensuality and jaw-dropping vocals is so on brand for him.

This song is a classic and I could definitely imagine Robaire singing this either before fame in a talent contest or as a solo artist later down the road. Let's face it, if anyone can rival Mariah's whistle tones, it's Robaire.

Jesse;

Whatsername - Green Day

'I made a point to burn all of the photographs. She went away, and then I took a different path.'

So, I personally hc Jesse as being an ex member of the alternative rock scene. He went through many phases, but his grunge/punk time was one for the books. And like any good punk rocker, he still loves Green Day.

The chilled, mellowness of this song is reminds me of him, too. That and the lyricism, the theme of leaving a romantic interest in the past. I feel like he'd have related to this song with the mom of his kids. He'd definitely have had some long drives blasting this song, screaming out the lyrics as the melody builds.

Aaron T;

Don't You Worry 'Bout A Thing - Stevie Wonder

'Don't you worry 'bout a thing, mama. 'Cause I'll be standing on the side When you check it out.'

My God, this song is T to a T. The Latin American flavour, the garbled Spanish in the intro, the upbeat playfulness. It's all him.

Plus, we know T is a supportive friend and S/O. He has a positive outlook on life, and he definitely passes that on to his loved ones. Bolstering them up to take on life's challenges while waiting in the wings to support them through it all.

Aaron Z;

Lavender Haze - Taylor Swift

'Staring at the ceiling with you, Oh, you don't ever say too much. And you don't really read into my melancholia.'

I won't lie, this song gave me inspiration to do this post in the first place. Something about it reminds me of Z. Maybe it's the purple aesthetic, the sombre beats, the whole vibe of giving no f*cks. I don't know, it's all just very Z.

Plus, I feel like he's a night owl. Finding peace in that time of the night when everyone else is asleep and he can let his imagination run wild. Part of him comes alive at that magical midnight hour, and that's what this song is all about to me.

✨Bonus ✨; In the modern AU, I hc Z as having a fat secret crush on Ms Swift. T's definitely planning an embarrassing encounter between them at some point.

Tae Young;

Intro; Persona - BTS

'Persona, who the hell am I? I just wanna go, I just wanna fly. I just wanna give you all the voices till I die. I just wanna give you all the shoulders when you cry.'

I know, I know- picking a K-pop song for Tae-

Buuuuut, I genuinely feel like this song is so Tae. It's all about discovering yourself through supporting those you love most. As I hc Tae as bisexual, and we all know he's the youngest, he's still growing into himself. But he has so much love to give, and the members and 4 Townies see that.

Also, this song is super rogue but honestly such a bop. It's catchy and a lil feisty, and we know that Tae isn't all sunshine and rainbows.

---

Musing Meaninglessly Masterlist

[renaultphile]

The Charioteer re-read: Laurie’s cruelty, Ralph’s forgiveness, and *that* lie

I think a big theme of the book as Laurie’s slow realisation that Ralph is not invincible.  But this time round I was also interested in the power play between the two of them, and I came to the conclusion that Laurie’s path is not linear, but he is on a journey to trusting the instincts he had at 16.

Laurie knew even then that ‘the gods feel pain.’  And within minutes of meeting Ralph again, he has noticed the smile ‘with something curiously vulnerable and defensive in it’.  he seems to have constant feelings of guilt, trying to ‘make it up’ to Ralph without knowing how.  He tries to get a ‘sensible idea of Ralph’ into his head.  I think he is more of a realist than Ralph because although he has a wild imagination, he does know the difference between fantasy and reality.  But on some level he feels he has to defer to Ralph, even as he sees through the heroic ideal.  Ralph is meanwhile trying to hide his true self, painfully aware of the extent to which he now falls short

of Laurie’s expectations.  I think Laurie is slightly surprised at Ralph snapping straight back into head-boy mode and he tries to resist getting pulled in to that dynamic. In the end Laurie feels trapped and feels the only he can ‘escape’ is to use anger, with near tragic results. But even at the end, he can't bear to find out that Ralph has forgiven him. He immediately tries to forget.

But Ralph reveals himself too in chapter two.  He says "I've been watching you for a long time. You're on the way to being something, and I don't know what, not for certain. So I'm not going to interfere with it."   And he gives just one reason (for a change) for not taking it further “it would mean too much. To me, too, if that's any satisfaction to you” Possibly the most honest and direct thing he says about his own feelings for Laurie in the whole book.

So for me this is also about Ralph’s journey back to regaining his own integrity.  He tends to preface conversations about feelings with phrases like ‘don’t waste time’ and ‘it’s such a meaningless question’ and ‘we don’t need to tell each other what we feel’, and he often projects feelings, particularly negative ones like need and distress, onto Laurie.  So much of what he says (and boy is there a lot of it) feels like a cover for something else.   It’s ultimately what makes the book so compelling.  For me, anyway.

There is clearly something special about him that Ralph values, perhaps his intuition when it comes to feelings and his "peaceful mind".  But he is constantly trying to stop him thinking.  I believe him when he says he doesn’t like people he can push around, and I see the way he berates Laurie/Laertes as symbolic – wanting someone up to his own strength, maybe even someone who will take charge.  But he cannot let go for long enough to let it happen.

As for that Renault quote about Laurie lying to protect Ralph’s pride?  I get the feeling she was describing, not prescribing.  For me it smacks too much of C20th sexual politics where the ‘woman’ takes on the emotional labour of the relationship, to be a satisfying ending.

Laurie is already comfortable with the white lie –with his mother, with Chariot, and with the fake telegram for Reg.  If he does what Alec prescribes for Ralph, consistently hiding his true self, where is Ralph’s redemption then?  It doesn’t seem credible to me that Ralph has nothing to learn from Laurie.  But for most of the book he is either hiding, running or trying to control the situation he is in.  The Phaedrus tells us to be suspicious of the written word, because you cannot interrogate it.  For me, that’s the reason why she ends it the way she does.  It is not an actual quote from the Phaedrus.  The reins drop from the driver’s hands.  At last the voice of the Charioteer falls silent, and the two horses are reconciled.  Yes, it’s up to you now, Ralph and Laurie.  Mary's gone.

[lavender-teardroplettes]

Friendship Bracelets and Stab Wounds🔪

Working title for the beginning of my YOU and HIM fanfic!

Pairing: This is going to be heavily Si and Adam focused with Cain making an appearance in later chapters!

Content Warnings: Religious trauma, mentions of child abuse and neglect, mentions of blood/being stabbed, mentions of cannibalism, general cw for serial killer/yandere themes, nsfw themes (in later chapters). More could be added, but I think this covers the gist of it. Also small content warning for depictions of an asthma attack in this chapter.

Enjoy Chapter 1~!

Church. Si had never really liked going to church, he didn’t really see the point of it. The stories and metaphors were long, tiring, and often didn’t make much sense to him in the long run. Well- that is- if he ever paid attention for that long. Often times he’d be roughly shaken awake by Aunt Ruth, her scowl ever present each time he had the audacity to sleep during the sermon. He’d always scowl back at her, and they’d get into an argument about how he’s ‘too old to be sleeping in church now.’ He only ever went when he was visiting his aunt and uncle, which happened to be a lot during summer and winter holidays from school- where his parents didn’t have to deal with him and vacation away child-free for a few months or weeks depending on the time of year.

No, the only things he liked about Church were Sunday school recess and singing with the choir. Si was enrolled in his school’s choir, so it was nice being able to continue with it when he was here in Arizona. There was a boy around his age, maybe a year older, who Si really admired for his singing voice. He was also pretty cute, but an eight year old really didn’t have a grasp of that concept yet. Still, he’d find himself staring at the boy occasionally, and was a little surprised to find that sometimes their eyes would meet. Si himself was too shy to really start a conversation or ask if the boy would want to play with him during recess- too many failed attempts told him it was better to just play on his own since not many kids seemed to like beast-kin children. He tried his best to hide his ears with his hair and kept his tail tucked under his skirt as much as he could, but he could hear the other children whispering about him, and he decided he didn’t need to be friends with mean people in the first place. The boy also didn’t seem to have many friends, or that people were just avoiding him entirely. Si had heard whispers about him being the pastor’s son, maybe that was why? He couldn’t really understand it at the time, but he knew he felt a little sorry for the boy knowing how lonely it could be on your own.

The sound of the organ brought Si out of his thoughts once more- it was time to sing the closing hymn before the sermon ended for the day and Sunday school to begin afterwards. He followed his relatives in standing, Aunt Ruth opening the hymn book for Si to read along with as they sang. “My God is good, and he is kind, for this gives us peace of mind. Loyal lambs, in his flock, lead to glory, and not to rot-,” Si could feel his nose scrunch at some of the words. He didn’t agree with them or his simple understanding of their meaning- not everyone here was the picture perfect idea of what a good church goer was ‘supposed’ to be like. He knew this, because he wasn’t one of them. He was only here because his Aunt forced him to be, his own parents didn’t even attend anymore and hadn’t for a long time, longer than before he was even born. Still, he sang along, and tried to be on his best behavior nonetheless. Just a few more pages and a steady process of fudging some answers to the teacher later and he’d have his freedom for a few hours.

The group for today’s class was a little larger than he had remembered it being, so he was lucky in not being called on for today in favor for some of the newer faces in class. Si took note that the boy didn’t seem to be there that day, that is, until he came in quietly with a note for the teacher. His head was down the whole time, but the air around him felt tense and distressed. The other kids didn’t seem to notice or mind, but Si couldn’t help but want to ask what was wrong and to comfort him in some way. The teacher let the boy, who Si heard her call him Adam, leave the class for recess early much to the rest of the classes dismay as it was time for the final lesson. Once the class broke for recess, Si got to work looking for Adam. The playground area wasn’t too large, accompanied by a field for playing soccer or tag and a few trees lining the fence. When Si couldn’t find him under the jungle gym, he took for the field, finding the boy crying behind one of the larger oak trees.

Suddenly, Si felt what he later figured out was social anxiety creep up from the back of his neck. His tail puffed up with the annoying itchy feeling that always followed suit, and he wanted to run away at first. Before he could, Adam looked up from hiding in his arms to wipe his eyes, only to see the cat beast-kin who only showed up two times a year- the cat person he had been so curious about but afraid to approach. Si’s eye’s widened and slit in surprise, and he found himself blushing nervously while balling his hands into his dress. For a moment, neither of them moved. Adam was first, moving to open his mouth to say something, but Si cut him off frantically. “I-I! Uhm...A-are you okay?” Carefully, he took a step forward. Adam leaned back with a frown on his face, seemingly trying to force himself to stop crying- which only caused more hot tears to stream down his face. His cheek looked red and swollen, and Si shrunk a little at how much hurt his eyes carried. Still, he persisted, getting close enough to bend down at arms reach and hand Adam a tissue.

Adam studied the tissue for a moment, sniffing quietly as he looked Si over. He could see the concern in their face, like they were genuine in their worry for him. When Adam didn’t reach for the tissue right away, Si got closer, moving to wipe the tears from his cheeks gently. The action surprised Adam, but all he could do was sit there and blush as a wave of emotions overtakes him. The sudden gentleness and kindness from what essentially was a stranger to him was overwhelming, mixing with the fear and pain from his encounter earlier caused a new wave of hot tears to stream down into Si’s hands. Si’s tail puffed up in alarm as Adam quietly sobbed into his hands, and he pulled the larger boy into a hug. Adam’s arms were shaking as they held each other, and Si could feel his shoulder getting soaked with tears after a few moments. It made Si’s heart hurt, and while he didn’t really understand what was going on, it made him sad enough to tear up as well. Still, he held Adam for as long as he needed to, letting Adam pull away first. There were too many tears left over to wipe away with just his hands, so Si used a few more of his hand tissues to help Adam wipe his face. Once Adam’s tears seemed to stop for the time being, they sat there in an awkward silence, both of the children holding their knees and staring at the ground. Adam felt mortified for crying in front of someone like that, but he also found it to be really comforting to get it all out like that.

“….Thank you…” Si’s ears perked up at the sound of Adam’s voice, soft and horse from crying. He gave a shy smile to Adam when he glanced over, tapping his feet on the grass nervously, “Y-you’re welcome. Uhm...I’m ---- by the way.” Adam blinked and mulled Si’s deadname in his mind, “Adam...how do you say that again?” Si rubbed the back of his neck with a sheepish expression, “Ah...it’s okay, you can call me something else if you want, my friends at school call me by nicknames so I’m used to it.” Adam nodded, picking at a few strands of grass idly, “I’ll think of something, I-I guess….can I call you Cat for now?” Si blinked then smiled with a nod, “Sure, can I call you Addy?” It was Adam’s turn to blink, he wasn’t expecting to get one as well. Did this mean they were friends now? Is that how it worked? He glanced back down at the pair of wide, brown, cat-like eyes staring back at him excitingly, and he found himself looking away with a nod and a blush, “Uh...yeah, sure.”

There was another pause in their conversation, the sound of the other children playing filling the silence between them, but this time it was much more comfortable than before. Si looked over to Adam and leaned a bit closer, as if they were sharing a secret, “Addy, why were you crying?” Adam’s eyebrows furrowed before he tucked his face into his knee, “I don’t want to talk about it…” Si blinked before nodding, knowing better than to press the matter. There were loads of things he didn’t want to talk about himself, so he could understand how Adam must have been feeling. Si reached his hand out, smiling and poorly hiding a giggle at Adam’s confused expression, “Do you wanna hold my hand? My mom used to rub the back of mine when I cried to help me feel better.” Pitch black eyes stared back at him through locks of brown hair, seemingly processing the question like it was a hard math problem. “….Okay….sure.” Si’s ears perked in a way Adam found endearing, and he slipped his hand into Si’s smaller one. It was warm and as inviting as the rest of the beast-kin, and Adam couldn’t help but wonder if being part cat had anything to do with it, or if it was just Si on his own. Si gave Adam’s hand a gentle squeeze, being careful not to squeeze too hard. It felt firm to Adam, he figured beast-kin humans must be stronger depending on their race, but it was still reassuring.

He liked the way it felt when Si’s thumb started trailing little circles on the back of his hand. He didn’t know why it felt so soothing, but it was better than the bitter feeling that came after you finished bawling your eyes out. “...You’re really kind, Cat...thank you” Adam’s eyes where drawn to his shoes as a new feeling started to bubble up in his chest, another blush softly spreading on his face as he got accustomed to the warm sensation. He wasn’t really sure what it was, but he had decided in the moment that he liked Si and was happy that he came looking for him. Si’s eyes widened a bit when he saw Adam smile, and his ears seemed to twitch around, finding the best way to express the new feeling he also felt in his chest. They seemed to settle on folding back against his head, annoyingly being wedged uncomfortably between his hair buns as the hot feeling on his face alerted him that he was blushing himself. “I just...didn’t feel right leaving you alone after seeing how sad you were.” Adam’s grip tightened on Si’s hand slightly as he took their words in, genuinely surprised that someone cared that much about him without even knowing him.

Adam opened his mouth to speak, but it was cut off by the sound of the recess bell. “Oh...Looks like it’s time for choir practice.” Si’s gaze was directed to the church building, missing the longing look Adam was giving him. Adam wanted to continue the conversation, he wasn’t ready to go back yet. Si stood up, still holding Adam’s hand as he tugged on it gently, causing Adam to lean forward and have to balance himself with his free hand. Adam didn’t know what would be more mortifying- crying in front of his new friend as their first interaction, or eating dirt in front of them because he wasn’t stronger than a werecat a year younger than him. A thought passed though his mind as he caught himself- he needed to be stronger to protect them. He didn’t know where it came from, but he held onto it for dear life. “C’mon Addy we gotta go sing!” Si’s eyebrows furrowed, the anxiety over being late expressing itself with a few flicks of his tail. Despite feeling annoyed that recess was over, Adam could help but smile at Si as he stood up, “Are we going to sing together?” The question made Si perk up, and his tail stopped flicking, instead replaced with a happy sway that followed his excited nodding. “Mhm! Mhm! Mhhhm!” The last confirmation of his agreement to the idea was accented with an exaggerated head nod, “We can sing together every practice! But….you’re kinda taller than me, so I might be moved to the front of the group when we perform. Maybe I can stand in front of you then?”

Once Adam was up, they started walking back together as they talked. Adam liked the idea of singing together, nodding along with Si before frowning at the mention that they might be separated. “I dunno...maybe you could stand with me, I’d like that..” The last part came out of the corner of his mouth, but Si heard it anyways, “That would be pretty nice, huh?” Adam blinked and Si just smiled back at him, oblivious to the fact that he wasn’t supposed to hear what Adam tried to mumble to himself. The taller of the two made it a mental note that Si had good hearing, he should have figured that much at the least knowing what he read about cats in the library. He nodded quietly without saying anything further, Si’s attention was on the building’s door and no longer on him. There was a crowd of children waiting to funnel into the building, but Adam could see how nervous Si looked, probably worried that they’d be scolded for being the last two in. Adam tugged on Si’s hand to get his attention before pointing at the door, “Do….Do you want to race?”

The way Si brightened up would have blinded Adam as if he was the sun, “Yes!! I’ll even give you a head start!” Adam’s eyebrow raised at the sudden confidence that seemed to well from the shorter of the two, where cat beast-kins that fast? Si poised himself, his eyes trained back to the door with determination, “You get five Mississippi’s when you start running!” A smile crept on to Adam’s face at the challenge, breaking off into a sprint before Si could react. He counted five Mississippi’s, looked back behind him, and was surprised to see Si closing the distance between them. It looked like Si was going to win for a moment after he passed him shortly after words, but suddenly Si held onto his side while slowing down. It looked like he was panting and trying to push past the pained expression that overcame his face. Adam had seen other kids react like this while running, but usually they had an inhaler to use when this happened. Si never pulled one out, instead slowing down to a weak jog before having to stop. One of the teacher assistants noticed this in the middle of ushering kids along into the building and rushed over before Adam could reach Si. He just stood there in shock as the assistant pulled out an emergency inhaler, helping Si use it before picking him up. They looked over at Adam with a sorry expression, “Run along now, Adam, I’ll take ---- to the nurse and call their Auntie to pick them up.” Adam wanted to protest, but he knew better. He didn’t know how to help despite every part of his body urging for him to do something. His lips pursed as he watched Si cough, his sturdy body seeming so frail in the moment.

The thought passed his mind again- he needed to be stronger to protect him. Adam’s fists balled as he watched the assistant walk away, noticing the way Si’s tail hung lifelessly after being so vibrantly expressive while they were together. He could feel the tears welling in his eyes again, but he forced them back before continuing to jog towards the building. He took note of the calendar in the hallway. It was the beginning of August, Si would only come to church two more times before leaving again. He had taken note of every time the shy, almost aloof cat person came to visit each year, and he had also taken note of the way the other kids would whisper about him, much in the same way they would do with Adam. Despite many forms of direct eye contact, it seemed to him like neither of them were going to approach each other first. While Adam had experience with friendly stay cats, Si was another world of communication that he just didn’t understand or know how to approach. But, somehow, they still found each other.

Adam frowned, pausing for a moment as he examined it. “August….they’ll be gone until the middle of December.” His heart dropped, seemingly in the same way it had did earlier, but for different reasons this time. The chorus teacher walked up behind him, noticing Adam staring at the calendar, “Oh, hello Mr. Gaudin. Are you excited for picture day?” Adam’s eyes scanned the calendar again- picture day was next week. He didn’t really care about it before, but this was a chance to at least have something related to Si while he waited for December to come around. Adam smiled in a way that actually reached his eyes for once, delighting the director given what she had overheard in the lounge. “Yes, I am. Thank you Ma’am.” He nodded his head to her, feeling confident for once in his plan and with himself. Following the teacher’s direction, he made his way to the main hall for choir practice. While he was sad that they couldn’t sing together today, he looked forward to seeing Si again and hoping that they were just as excited to see him next Sunday.