#but i think i just love han too much as he is he’s irreplaceable to me

[vacantgodling]

like it’s a surprise i don’t have a dragon man oc tbh

[space-wedding]

Apollo! My darling 🤍 I just saw your prompt post. I hope this is okay for me to request?

Calmly reassuring the other it’s okay when they drop a glass, gently checking their hands for any injury. 

With: Mr. Han ✨

Lola!!! Hi hi! Yes, I was very much looking forward to this prompt when I saw it in my askbox! I really hope you don't mind the way I wrote MC here haha! - prompt list

It's a warm autumn evening. Jumin and you are sitting outside, in the garden of his penthouse, enjoying a glass of wine, talking about this and that. The wine, of course, of highest quality. Only the best for Jumin's darling. Whenever you drank a bit too much, you were prone to talk with your hands, gesturing, to highlight the points you were trying to make.

You report, words a bit slurred: "This morning, when I woke up, I called out for Elizabeth... and I swear, I saw her jumping all the way from the cat tree to-" You are cut off by your hand hitting the half-full wine glass in front of you, some of it spilling on Jumin's shirt, staining it red. The glass falls to the ground, splitting into a thousand pieces.

It feels like you sobered up from one second to the other as fear overcomes your body. Tensing up you cover your face, trying to hide yourself as past memories slip into your mind. Memories of instances such as this, where you ended up being yelled at, shunned, for a minor accident. You almost prepare yourself for an insult, but all you can hear is a slight chuckle from your boyfriend. "You're so clumsy Y/N."

After taking a second look at you, he is quick to notice your body language. He stands up to make his way over to where you are sitting, bending down as to lower himself to your height. Gently putting his hands on your shoulders he asks: "Are you okay Y/N? Are you hurt?" You try to answer, but all you are able to muster are stuttered words. "I- I- I'm so- s-"

"Sssh... it's okay my love." He reassures you. "You don't have to say anything right now. I can see that you are going through something. I may not quite comprehend it, but I promise, I am not angry with you, if that's what you think." He lifts one of his hands from your shoulder to gently brush through your hair. "Besides, you are much more precious than a glass. Unlike this glass, you are irreplaceable. I love you so much, more than words will ever be able to describe."

His welcoming aura, soft touch and warm words are able to calm you down. Enough for you to speak. "I love you too Jumin. And... Thank you... for always being so understanding of me."

"Of course, my love. You are everything to me. Shall we go inside? It is getting chilly." You nod and slowly raise from your chair. You grab his hand, it's warm, the perfect opposite to your always cold hand. Making your way to the entrance of the penthouse, Jumin notices a wetness on the very hand he is holding. He immediately stops in his tracks to inspect it. "Y/N, you're bleeding. I apologize for not noticing sooner. I must take care of this immediately."

After bandaging up your wound, the rest of the night is filled with sweet kisses, words of reassurance and love and warm embraces.

[maximumcheese]

223. Empathy

Rinne: “.......”

HiMERU: “—Of course. In short, we can understand you more now.”

Kohaku: “Yeah. That’s to say, Rinne-han decided to do what he thought to be absolutely right. Nah, he musta’ been too scared to do anything else.”

“Saving your beloved relative and friends even at the cost of your own life—That’s a moving tale, a beautiful, righteous, and noble thing to do.”

“It’s ‘cuz Rinne-han looks like a piece of trash, I was wonderin’ why he’d planned on doing such a saintly thing.”

“Good, I'm rather relieved to see the logic. You were afraid of doin’ the wrong thing, weren't you? Then, to be told you're wrong, and denied.”

“To think that your very birth itself was a mistake.”

Rinne: “.......”

HiMERU: “—Yes. HiMERU understands. You no longer had anyone to tell you that you were ‘correct’. And if you did, they all left.”

“To continue to hear ‘You’re a mistake’ from one’s most beloved people is…Even an angel would become sick and break.”

Kohaku: “Yeah. If you assumed you were such a mistake from the start, you got produced as a villain or a baddie, ya know?”

“If you’re in a position where you’re supposed to be right, but all you can do is do what’s considered wrong, you're gonna feel insecure 'bout it.”

“You're gonna think that you’re strange, you know? You’re a defective human being—a distorted, mistaken, malfunctioning, troubled, failure.”

“You're just a fake, pretendin’ to be human.”

Rinne: “.......”

Kohaku: “Nah, that ain’t it, it’s ‘cuz you wanted to be a human, that you tried to do what’s right. To give up your everything to protect the things you love.”

“If that was your final goal then, if you could do just one right thing, it was fine if you got called wrong in the process.”

“That’s really whatcha’ meant, ain’t it, Rinne-han?”

“It’s the same for me. If the main family walks the road of righteousness, we’re the heretics that’ll carry forth, no matter what. We’ll eliminate everythin’ that threatens the right path, even if it means gettin’ covered in mud.”

“Once in a while, I’m envious of those who walk sparklin’ down that just path but—”

“So it goes, ya know? Thinkin’ things like there’s no place for me where the sun shines—Yeah, I’ve given up on that.”

HiMERU: “I too—”

“—HiMERU is no different. He is content to be behind the scenes to keep what is right and correct.”

“Looking up at something sparkling, beautiful, and righteous in the distance, gloating inwardly that it is of my own making, and indulging in the joy of self-gratification”

“However. Once in a blue moon, it is frustratingly lonely.”

“We are a collection of outcasts.”

“That’s why, Amagi—We are able to sympathize with you, protect the same nest, fly around and play with you.”

“Yes, it was a real pleasure. The short honeymoon HiMERU had with you all was…”

“I hate to admit it, but for HiMERU it was an irreplaceable, happy time.”

Kohaku: “Ya, it’s the same for me. The outside world didn't hand me the happiness I had always dreamed of.”

“But y’all have really given us something similar and arguably more precious.”

“A place to belong, the joy of living. For your guys' sake, I cried myself to death, got angry, and got into trouble, I was worried and I suffered but—That's what made me happy.”

“It was much uglier and dirtier than I had expected, tastin’ of tears and mud, but still, it was the first sweet nectar I had ever had. I still couldn’t get enough of it.”

“So that’s exactly why. Don’t say you're quittin’ the idol business, Rinne-han. We still gotta do it together, because we dunno how to fly alone yet.”

HiMERU: “—Yes. HiMERU is fine with being alone, but as you can see, Oukawa looks lonely.”

Kohaku: “Well, I dunno ‘bout Niki-han.”

HiMERU: “Yes, I also don’t know about Shiina.”

Niki: “Eh? Well then, I’ll do that, too!”

Kohaku: “You just say that you’re gonna do that… How can you live so carefreely like that, Niki-han?”

HiMERU: “On the contrary, in HiMERU’s opinion, he’s impressed. Shiina seems to have casually moved into a blind spot where everyone else won't notice him, and has begun to eat something—”

“HiMERU also does things at his own pace, but he cannot lose to Shiina.”

Niki: “Monch, monch… While everyone’s been talkin’ forever, I’ve been downin’ my afternoon snack, but it seems I’ve been caught.”

“I get that this is the kinda air where I’ve gotta say somethin’ movin’, but it’s alright if I just swallow this first, right~?”

Rinne: “Ahaha. I feel at ease when I look at you, Niki. ♪”

Niki: “Yes? I mean, this really ain’t the situation to be lookin’ at me, you know?”

Rinne: “.......?”

Niki: “Ohhh, my god~ Even I noticed it, so why hasn’t everyone else?”

“There’s absolutely no point in talkin’ about idols just looking at other idols, but I really don’t wanna be the one to have to tell you that, you know?”

“But hey, you gotta work as least as hard as the salary you get—”

“Really, life’s a bitch.”

“♪～♪～♪”

Kohaku: (Ooh? What's up with you all of a sudden, Niki-han? For some reason, he started runnin’ around the edge of the stage, wavin’ his arms in circles......?”

(I’m guessin’ it ain’t some exercise to aid digestion?)

HiMERU: “—Hm. HiMERU and others will join you Shiina, Oukawa.”

Kohaku: “Huh? What for?”

HiMERU: “You'll understand soon enough.”

“​​～……♪”

Kohaku: “......? Well, alright. Why don’t I join ‘em, too~?”

“♪～♪～……♪”

← previous

next →

[kisilinramblings]

Hello! I hope you don't mind several questions about future of Ladynoir. I enjoy your posts about the show I love and would really like to hear your opinion.

I'll start with something that gives me optimism. Episode Timetagger has Bunnyx say that in the future there'll be a great Chat Noir and Ladybug's team. It is mentioned that Ladybug is its leader, and this gives an impression that it's their team with LB the head and her right-hand man CN. Not Ladybug's team de facto, Ladynoir's team de jure (aka just because Chat Noir was there from the beginning).

Now, we are only in the middle of forming the team, some things change: roles, frequency of inclusion, amount of people, etc. And from what I undertsand, Ladybug does think that the team she and Chat can rely on is theirs. But it doesn't feel like it to me personally as a viewer. With time the difference between CN and other heroes is that he is a permanent hero and is irreplaceable to LB. But does it really stand out and constitues "the second person in the team"?

Another related thing is Su-Han's presence: we saw it somewhat unites Ladynoir in Furious Fu, at the same time adds more differences and distance. With his appearance in Ephemeral even more secrecy is added. And he has bias against Plagg and his holders. I thought he is there to help our heroes, but it seems it's more of a figure to-go-against (in terms of establishing rules) and to-make-impression-on (he is the one who "judges the level of guardian") and he barely helps Marinette, just puts pressure on her.

It's hard to tell where the show is going but can we say that it intends to make Ladynoir review and rebuild their partnership and relations to the team and have mentoring from others?

I am sorry if that was too lengthy!

Hi, hey no worries!

First, it's accurate. Bunnyx does say she is part of Ladybug and Chat Noir's team. So, in the future, Ladybug is the leader. Or rather "will become". As for future!Chat Noir, we don't know what his role will officially be, but a right-hand man sounds about right. Or a counsellor. Or just some vice-something who has some obligations but who can take over if Ladybug is unavailable for example. Someone all the other heroes trust and consider capable. And judging from how Ryuuko and the other temporary heroes welcome CN at the beginning of Kuro Neko, it feels like he is currently viewed like a big brother figure of sort to them? He is a veteran like LB and is respected as much by them, but the temporary heroes seem more relax/casual when interacting with him. Though that is just an impression and I don’t have enough material to really support it. Still, I very much liked it when Rena first started, he did act like a mentor to her. Believing in her and coaching her with her power.

But the thing is, the future Bunnyx describes is a future that is around 10 years ahead. So A LOT can happen between the time of Timetagger and the time Bunnyx comes from. Plus, remember Bunnyx’s answer when CN ask about LB and his relationship status. 

So a lot can and will happen between them. It isn’t a smooth sailing with a clear trajectory. 

As S4 goes, I fully understand why you don’t believe this is Ladybug and Chat Noir’s team. Because Chat Noir has currently no implication in managing said team and Ladybug doesn’t involve him either with her Guardian duty. Not because she doesn’t trust him, but because she fears reenacting the Chat Blanc timeline again. And Ladybug relies more and more on others. And don’t forget the Fu’s accident is another trauma she is dealing with as well. She lost someone she was close to because she was distracted and she doesn’t want that to happen again.

Anyway, the fact is Ladybug being the Guardian and the leader of a group instead of a duo is still recent. It has all happened in the matter of a few months and her team of temporary heroes is growing quickly. So, she is still learning. And the biggest hint given early in the season is that she doesn’t have a Guardian staff to go with the Miracle Box she is guarding. Something is missing. Something is lacking. She has been appointed Guardian, but isn’t fully equipped yet.

After all, Ladybug is still figuring out how to do everything : superhero, leader, guardian while also maintaining a social life, be a student and have hobbies. And she keeps wanting to accomplish all of those obligations too! Ladybug has natural leadership qualities capable of rallying people. She is also an excellent strategist focused on the job, but she has still work to do about herself and how she interacts with others. She has blind spots. And what she has gone through has effects on others. Like Chat Noir but also Alya / Rena Rouge. 

As for Chat Noir, this season, he is figuring himself out. Who he is? What does he want? What are his personal motivations to be and stay a superhero? Like he started as a superhero because it offered him freedom, a chance to get away from the home-prison. It was a fantasy. And then he met Ladybug, fall in love, and his world view become kind of dependant of her because being with her, laughing, battling supervillains together is what bring him joy and were the best moments of his life. But as shown during Lies, when Ladybug is out of the picture, it’s a problem for him. Chat Noir is unmotivated. It’s not as much fun for him when she isn’t around. And now he is facing reality again. When he sees Ladybug relying on more and more superheroes, he questions if he truly has a place inside her team (again Wishmaker) or if he had become a burden for her. 

And as things go, I think it will probably be more important for Adrien, for Chat Noir, to decide what will be his role than to let Ladybug or Su-Han or any authority decide for him. He might want solo time to figure it out as well. And I would love to see Ladybug support him back in his decision if he makes it. 

So long story short, the kids are not there yet because they have some self-care and growing up to do. It will be a roller coaster, but we will get there eventually.

As for Su-Han, he is the complete opposite of Fu and illustrate the changing tone between S3 and S4. Where Fu was lax and hopeful, Su-Han is strict and pessimist. Their experience and thus views as Guardian are totally different. But neither are that much of a help to our heroes who are still on their own and figuring this out themselves for the most part. 

Marinette had Fu who offered her some guidance and he taught her all he know about the Miraculous and try to decipher the Grimoire to better help them (the power-up potions was his initiative), but in the end, he was still a reluctant mentor, just like he had been a reluctant Guardian. He didn’t have much initiative nor propose training sessions on-screen to both or either of them really to better prepare them. He let things unfold on their own and be of guidance when asked about it. But I believe it is more due to the fact he didn’t know much how to be a mentor in the first place as he never had pupils nor charge before.

Su-Han on the other hand feels more like that one person who is above you in hierarchy and dictates you how things works because that is how it has always work and if you are not sticking to how things should be done, then you get scold instead of having them try understanding you and find a compromise. Su-Han isn’t malevolent, but comes from a background who perceive the Kwamis as too powerful to be left unattented or at the hand of children. And well, he did miss 150 years and suddenly appears in a world vastly different to how it was before. Like, if you somehow jumped 150 years ahead, you would be lost and scared too. That’s why Su-Han clings to what was taught to him. But his views get challenged and he has to learn to be more open-minded, that they are other way to do things that also work. Depending of the context, his own biais and convictions can make him either an ally or an opposing force. But yeah, he mostly stays in the background unless unnerved. His character is there to show how the Order was and show how Ladybug differs from them. Anyway, I didn’t expect much of Su-Han in the first place. He is challenging her, testing her. And putting pressure on Ladybug to how she should be a Guardian. He isn’t much an ally nor an antagonist that the representation of an ancient system. 

[lamptracker]

Fic: Just a Tiny Fire (Best friend!Han Jisung/Reader)

Look! A fic! A not Tom Holland fic! 

Anyway

Title: Just a Tiny Fire

Pairing: Best friend!Han Jisung (Stray Kids)/Reader

Warnings: Like, mention of a tiny fire. It’s there in the title. Otherwise it’s fluff city up in here.

A/N: based on a convo @jisungiesbunnie​ and I had a couple weeks ago. This one’s for them.

Summary: You’ve been stressed at work, so your best friend Jisung decides to do something nice.

You sighed as you rubbed a hand across your face. You were at work, and normally you really loved your job, but right now? Not so much. The numbers were blurring together into a giant hodgepodge of...something. Nothing you were doing was making sense. It had been like this for two weeks now.

Add to that your mom being on your case (even though you’d moved into your own apartment) and your ex being generally annoying (you finally blocked their number and stopped following them on social media), and you were ready for a vacation.

But, for now, a soda and a quick breather would have to do.

You made your way to the breakroom, half-heartedly waving at a couple of co-workers as you trudged down the hallway. You pulled your change out of your pocket, plunked it into the machine, and made your choice. With another deep sigh, you plopped rather unceremoniously onto the breakroom couch. As you opened your soda, you wondered briefly which of your friends you’d call to hang out with tonight.

Fate decided that for you; your phone rang. You smiled as you saw the name - Han Jisung; you always put people in by their real names - flash onto your screen. 

“Hey, Jisung,” you said, trying to hide how tired you were. “So nice to hear from-”

“Quick question,” Jisung replied quickly. “How attached were you to that little blue saucepan?”

Well, you thought to yourself. That can’t be good.

“I… huh?”

“You see,” he said, “I came over to cook you dinner, and… uh… there was an incident.”

“What kind of incident?” you asked dryly.

“I… okay, don’t freak out…”

You jumped off your seat on the couch. “Han Jisung, did you set my kitchen on fire?!”

“It was just a tiny fire!” Jisung yelped. “I got it out right away. Well, your neighbor across the hall helped me.”

“Yeah, she seems to be an expert at kitchen fires.” You shook your head as you walked quickly back to your desk. Poor Mrs. Mendelbaum - nice lady, terrible cook.

Jisung laughed shortly. “Yeah, it was actually sort of funny. When the fire department got here they automatically went to her place.”

“They’re at her apartment at least once a week. How bad was it?” You logged off your computer, gathered your coat and other belongings, and sped down the hall to your supervisor’s office. 

“Not too bad. Just a little smoke damage, but that cleaned right up. Smells a little burnt in here, though.”

“I’m coming home. Don’t go anywhere.”

“No, really you don’t-”

“See you in a few minutes, Jisung.” You popped your head into your supervisor’s office. “Hey, I hate to do this, but there’s been an emergency at home and I have to take off.”

“Oh, my. What happened?”

You groaned. “My idiot best friend nearly burned down my apartment.”

Your supervisor chuckled softly. “Okay, see you tomorrow. But if you need to take tomorrow too, let me know.”

You nodded. “Will do.” 

**

You got to your apartment to find the door propped halfway open; your across-the-hall neighbor keeping watch over your front entrance. 

“Oh, (y/n),” Mrs. Mendelbaum called from her doorstep. “Don’t be too angry with him, dear, okay? It really was an accident.”

“I’ll try. Thank you, Mrs. Mendelbaum.” You walked into the apartment; every possible window was open. Your box fan was propped into one facing the outside, blowing the air out. There was still a lingering odor of smoke in the air. The kitchen didn’t look too bad - no burn marks or anything, and the stovetop was cleaner than it had been in months. In fact, the only indications that there had been a fire were the smell, and the charred remains of the saucepan in the sink. You pulled the door shut, waved at Mrs. Mendlebaum, and kicked your shoes off.

“Han?” you called out softly.

“In here,” a muffled voice replied from down the hall.

You made your way down the hall and into your bedroom, stopping just at the foot of the bed. A large, comforter-colored lump lay in the middle of the mattress. You laughed as you settled down next to it.

“Hey,” you said quietly.

Jisung popped his head out from under the blanket, leaving the rest of his body tightly wrapped. You couldn’t help but giggle at how cute and small he looked.

“I’m so sorry,” he said remorsefully.

“It’s okay.” You rested a hand on part of the lump. “Where am I-”

“Elbow.”

“Okay.” You took a deep breath. “Now, what happened?”

“Well,” Jisung started, “I noticed you’ve been super stressed out lately, so I wanted to do something nice for you. So I decided to surprise you by making dinner. You know, my famous egg rolls?”

“Ah, yes. As I recall, you stole that recipe from Felix.”

“I didn’t steal it, I just… borrowed it when he wasn’t looking.”

You laughed and shook your head.

“Anyway, everything was going okay and then my phone rang and it was Changbin, and I got distracted and totally forgot what I was doing. And then… then the oil caught on fire.” 

“So, really, this is Changbin’s fault,” you teased.

Jisung managed a tiny smile. “But I… I just wanted to do something to make you feel less stressed out, and I made you feel more stressed out, and…”

“Hey, no. It’s okay. Really. I appreciate the effort, I do.” You softly started rubbing his elbow through the comforter. “That was so sweet, even if it didn’t turn out the way you hoped. Plus it got me out of work early, so…” 

Jisung laughed as he slowly worked his way out of the comforter. “No hard feelings?”

“Not a one. You’re buying dinner, though. And Binnie’s buying me a new saucepan.”

“You’re the best, (y/n).” Jisung scooted next to you on the bed, wrapping an arm around your shoulders.

You smiled as you quickly kissed his cheek. “No, you are,” you replied, resting your head on his shoulder. “I think I’m going to call off tomorrow, I need a mental health day. You wanna come over, maybe find a show to binge?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Jisung smiled softly at you. “So, what sounds good for dinner?”

“Hmm. Tacos?”

“I can make that happen. Hey, listen, I’m sorry again about-”

“Don’t worry about it, really. I’m just glad you’re okay. I can always replace my saucepan, but I can’t replace you.”

“I am irreplaceable.”

You sat up, punching his arm. “Idiot.”

“You love me, though.” Jisung flashed a wide smile at you; you rolled your eyes.

“Unfortunately.”

“Well, I love you too, even though you’re mean to me.”

“I am not-”

[sweetestlamb]

Keep Bugging Me

Summary: Dosan and Dalmi try to get over each other and fail miserably. A story about cockroaches in love. 

Author’s Note: I find it really cute that Dosan is willing to run to help Dalmi at the drop of a hat despite the current state of their relationship and his misconception that she is now with Jipyeong but I get real tired when the efforts are one-sided for too long and the way things ended I definitely think that Dalmi should be the one to reach out to him, so that’s what this is. My imaginings of how things should go after today’s episode. ( I am basically ignoring the preview where it looks like Dosan runs away, nope we not running.) There was a lot more I wanted to incorporate but this took me a few hours today and that’s all I can spare so I hope you enjoy it, happy reading!

 With a long winded sigh that depletes her diaphragm she musters up the strength to catapult herself from her chair, sweeping her disheveled hair behind her ears once more before giving up and letting the strands do as they will. The sense of powerlessness lingers as she recalls her frantic phone calls and pleads for assistance, her heart had lodged itself deep in her throat each time she was turned down, although sympathetic no one was willing to drop what they were doing to help her. 

It hardly came as a surprise especially for someone like her who learned early that the world would knock you down and there were very few people who would offer you a hand when you were down. She chose to get up on her own and fight against the current of life but today’s fiasco only served to remind her that in the blink of an eye everything she carefully planned and created could come crashing down like an avalanche. 

Hearing his voice again had been just as overwhelming, the deep timbre just as soothing has it had been three years ago. Hearing it in that video did nothing to prepare her for the real thing, she tried to put up a strong front but she knew that she needed him and his brilliant mind; those capable hands. She didn’t deserve his help she knew that, her vicious words replaying in her mind all those years ago on what should have been a joyous day. Yet, just like all those years ago when he had no obligation to help her and it would not benefit him in any way he still showed up. Looking every bit as devastating as she’d seen him at the networking event. No, even more because this was the real Dosan showing up. Slipping in her computer chair easily as he threw out orders to the other members of his team, in all the important ways he seemed like the same Dosan but the air that surrounded him was no longer wavering, it was certain. He’d found his voice. 

She sighs rubbing her hand across her face again, hesitating before deciding. She picks up the forgotten jacket, the crisp scent of his cologne wafting up her nose and temporarily immobilizing her. 

Shaking herself free from her mental prison she grabs her purse and rushes to the door, phone already in her hand as she presses his name in her contacts. She doesn’t know where any of this is going but she has a reason to see him, she won’t let this opportunity go to waste. 

Closing the door behind her, she props the phone against her ear using her shoulder before she hears the tell-tale sound of  a phone ringing echoing down the hallway. With a gasps she sprints down the narrow hall before turning a corner and seeing him, his back is turned to her and his shoulders are slumped she watches with bated breath as he pulls his phone from the crevice of his pocket. He stares at it and after a moment’s pause he silences it and walks away. 

He straightens to his full height before shoving the phone into his pocket, swiftly exiting the building. 

“Dosan-ah.” She whispers to this retreating back but he moves further and further away until he reaches the door and she loses sight of him completely. More than anything she wishes she could apologize to him for those callous words she said all those years ago, if he’d felt a fraction of what she’s feeling right now she regrets her decision that day. She’s never regretted anything more. 

“Oh, Ms. Seo I didn’t know you were still here. You must have worked late. Please let me drive you home.” 

Sniffling and willing her tears not to fall she turns around, plastic smile spread across her lips as she greets Mr. Han. His dimpled grin does nothing to soothe the aching in her chest, but she pushes that aside and gently nods at his offer. 

On autopilot she walks to his car and opens her door before sliding into his car briefly she considers that her own car is parked in the garage close by but she’s too exhausted to drive right now. Her heart and her head equally throbbing. 

The ride home is relatively silent, Mr. Han attempts to engage her in conversation but her head is too filled with Dosan to offer anything more than one word answers and eventually he stops, turning up the radio instead. 

She misses his longing stares across the console, his own eyes wavering as she stares longingly at her phone for a call that won’t come. 

*******************************************************************************************

Maybe I should go back to San Francisco. 

The thought plagues him as he lays restless in his old bed, he’d entertained the idea of staying in a hotel until his mother had knocked him upside the head and dragged his suitcase inside the house before he’d even recovered from the blow. His smile had been blinding as she struggled up the stairs before he rushed to help her, easily lifting the luggage and wrapping his empty arm around her shoulder. He’d missed her like crazy, San Francisco had some much to offer but some things were irreplaceable. 

Now he’s having second guesses once more, he’d thought he was ready to be back in Korea, ready to see her again but he was wrong. There was something about his place that shook his confidence, made him the same bumbling idiot that he’d thought he left behind when he took off on that plane. It feels like he’s been wearing new shoes and now he’s back in the old ones, he hates it. He truly did not plan on seeing her again, she had made herself very clear all those years ago, he was not the Dosan from the letter and he would never be. 

He wasn’t smooth or thoughtful, he was just Dosan and though he wished that was enough it wasn’t. He thought he had accepted that, in San Francisco he did everything to forgot her. He never spoke about her or sent her the paragraphs he would write, he threw himself into coding with a painstaking fervor and he worked until he was successful and waited for happiness to find him. 

But happiness didn’t appear after he was named the most valuable developer of the year. 

It made no appearance when he bought a new car that he would have only dreamed about driving before. 

Still remained missing when he was offered another contract from one of the top companies in the world. 

But then he got that call and despite everything he said to his mother, trying to convince himself as much as her, his decision was simple. He had the ability to help her, so he did. 

The adrenaline made time slow down and simultaneously speed up, it wasn’t lost on him that every member of Samsan Tech was in the room all to help Dalmi, despite everything they’d been through she was still one of them. The strangest part had been the addition of Injae honestly, she’d spent so much time as Dalmi’s antagonist it was hard to reconcile that they were working together, that for once she would not be rooting against Dalmi. 

Everything had been going better than he ever imagined, she was as pretty as ever, gorgeous even while panicking and almost fainting it was a feat only possible by Seo Dalmi. But he had pushed that thought to the back of his mind, the black box cauterizing any hope he had of rekindling their romance. 

Their moment had passed. He wasn’t the one she wanted. What did he expect when the person who had actually written the letter was right there?  

It shouldn’t hurt this much but it did, It ached like a reopened wound. 

He’d only wanted to get his jacket back, the added bonus was seeing Dalmi but he wasn’t delusional enough to think that she had be waiting for him while he was gone. 

His blood still boils both from the phantom hand on his chest and the words that cut him like a knife. 

Stop showing up. You’re making us both uncomfortable. 

There had been more but those words stuck with him. 

Us. 

They were an “us”, close enough for jewelry that came in black boxes. It was time for him to stop fooling himself. 

The three years without Dalmi had been torture for him but evidently that was not the case for Dalmi. 

He was going to accept that. 

*******************************************************************************************

It takes him days to finally reply to her message and she tries her best to stay calm but her heart has missed the memo and instead triples its beats and almost pounds out her chest when his name flashes on her phone. 

Inhaling deep gulps of oxygen, she opens his message after ignoring for as long as she can- a measly ten seconds. Her pride has flown out the window it seems and she’s not particularly fond of relocating it. 

Don't’ worry about it. I have any jackets like that now. You can throw it out.  

She gapes at the words on the screen, not at all the response she expected and she clutches the discarded jacket tightly in her hands as if to promise the object that she will do no such thing. Scooping her hair into a ponytail she responds. 

No. It’s a nice jacket you should get it back. Where are you? I can bring it to you. 

She stares at the message long and hard, scrutinizing each word painstakingly. It might appear overzealous, too eager and the image of him ignoring her call still plays on repeat in her mind. Maybe he simply doesn’t want to see her, that is his right after the way she ended things. But logic alone is not enough to stop her fingers from pressing send, she doesn’t want to have anymore regrets.

Minutes tick by with no response and she worries her bottom lip between her teeth as she glares at the phone willing Dosan to answer. 

Please. Please. Please. Please.  

Despite her silent prayers, her phone is still and she contemplates sending another message although she has nothing else to say, terrified that this will be the end of their conversation. 

Then a message vibrates her phone, two messages actually. Mr. Han’s name also flashes on her phone but her fingers instantly open Dosan’s instead and a tentative smile makes its way across her face as she reads the message. 

I’ll be near Sandbox tomorrow. I will pick it up. 

Unable to control her emotions anymore, she squeals as she falls backwards on her bed, legs happily kicking as she hugs the phone close to her chest rolling side to side before she loses her balance and crashes to the ground. Her pained shout fills her room and her grandmother's voice rings out, “Dalmi, what was that? Are you okay?” 

Embarrassed but bursting with energy she shouts back, “Yes! I’m okay. I fell off the bed.”

There is no response and she giggles as she imagines the exasperated look that will run across her grandmother’s face. She may have lost her sight but her attitude and snark are still very much there. 

She knows that this changes nothing and she shouldn’t get her hopes up but still her feet drag her to her closet to find the perfect outfit for tomorrow, she will make sure to knock him off his feet this time. 

*******************************************************************************************

Dosan knows that he should have been more adamant about not needing the jacket, if only to avoid seeing her again. But he was weak and one rejection was all he could muster, he glances at his watch she should be arriving in a few minutes. 

Being back in the coffee shop they would often to go together is tugging on his heart strings but he fortifies himself, that was years ago. There is no use clinging to the past now, especially when he’s the only one doing so. He takes a hearty gulp of his iced Americano, desperately needing a distraction from his thoughts. When suddenly someone sits in the empty chair in front of him. Blinking he looks up and meets a face that does not belong to Dalmi. The woman now occupying the seat is pretty for all intensive purposes of the word with rosy red lips and long dark lashes. 

But he feels nothing but confusion by her sudden appearance and he voices that after his shock wears off, “I’m sorry that seat is reserved. I’m waiting for someone.”

Lifting a thin curved brow, the woman seems amused and no closer to leaving, “Oh? Is this person a girlfriend?” 

Dosan feels his cheeks burn at the blatant flirtations, over the years his ability to understand women has marginally improved with a success rate of 53% instead of the 12% before he left Korea. He has had many offers to date, none of which he has accepted. There was someone that hadn’t left his heart yet and it was impossible to make space for another with her so deeply wedged in there. 

At his silence she smirks now, “I’ll take that as a no. I’m not usually this forthright but you are probably the cutest guy I’ve ever seen.”

He made the mistake of sipping right at the moment and he chokes on the liquid as it lamely spills out of his mouth. 

Her giggles are light and melodic as she eyes him, “See? I even found that cute. What’s your name?”

He’s at a lost for words and that’s when the door chimes, and when he looks up he locks eyes with Dalmi. 

She is a vision in a plum colored business suit and her hair cascading over one shoulder. He almost forgets to breath. 

She walks to him immediately, his jacket folded over her arm. 

As she comes closer her eyes finally lock on the person occupying her seat, he watches them widen before narrowing into two thin lines. Then like a switch she stands taller and smiles facing him, “Dosan-ah, I didn’t know you were expecting company.”

His eyes dart back to the mysterious woman who is smiling but for some reason he remembers an episode of Animal Planet he watched while in the U.S about snakes that lulled you into a sense of comfort before striking. 

He begins to speak but his comment is interrupted, “I was just leaving. It was a pleasure meeting you Dosan-ah. Don’t be a stranger huh?” And true to her word she collects her belongings before opening a tiny emerald purse and extracting something thin. 

A business card. 

it is slick and modern with gold lines and her name printed in bold letter, Han Ji Yoon. 

Reaching across the table she deposits the card into his slack hand, her fingers lingering minutely before she draws away with one final dazzling smile she is gone, as suddenly as she arrived. 

The silence is deafening in her departure before Dosan hears the scratch of metal on wood as Dalmi reclaims her stolen seat. When he peers up from the business card he meets her smiling face, her eyes however are dull lacking the joy that her face is presenting. He wonders vaguely if something happens. 

“Who was that?” He shifts in his seat, shame curling in his belly before he realizes that he has no reason to feel shame. Dalmi does not care if other women are interested in him, it probably made her elated to see him with someone else. Proof that he was moving on and he would not be intruding on her life and her relationship. He would no longer be an inconvenience in her otherwise ideal life. 

So he answers honestly, “Just someone I met. She seemed interested in me and came over to talk.” 

Dalmi turns to look out the window as he sips on his Americano before he can offer to get her one she is speaking again, her lips barely open but the words are clear nonetheless. 

“How about you?”

He tilts his head, not quite following along with the direction of this conversation. He was unaware that they were on a level where they could discuss his potential relationships. More evidence that she is completely over him, the mere thought of her with Mr. Han is enough to sour his day but she is comfortable asking him about other women. 

“Well I am.....-”

He never gets to finish his sentence because suddenly Dalmi’s phone vibrates, buzzing on the table and instinctively he glances down at it and feels his heart pang. 

Han Jipyeong. 

She makes no move to answer it and he feels nauseous, she must know about his feelings and this is an attempt to spare him. 

He makes things easier for her standing up and nodding to her phone, “You should get that. I have to be somewhere soon. Thank you for bringing this.” With a slight bow he takes his jacket from its spot over the back of her chair and takes one step away. 

Her hand shoots out and captures his wrist and it feels like she thrust into his chest and squeezed his heart. 

“Dosan-ah you don’t have to go. I can call him back later.” 

He shakes his head, “No. Take it.” And with that he picks up his coat  and with a moment’s hesitation he also picks up the business card. 

He misses Dalmi’s jaw clenching as she watches him walk away, again. The vibrations of her phone falling on deaf ears. 

*******************************************************************************************

“Hello?” She blinks away tears and she tries her best not to sound like she is on the verge of falling apart. 

“Oh, Ms. Seo it’s me. I wanted to know if you wanted to get lunch together.” Mr. Han’s voice rattles through her speaker as she watches Dosan through the window. 

She spent all morning finding the right outfit and then perfecting her no make up makeup look, eager to see him despite her head reminding her that this wasn’t a date she was simply meeting him to return his jacket. Nothing more and nothing less. 

Then she’d seen him with someone else. A pretty woman, looking at him like he was an item on the menu and she was very thirsty. And the rush of jealous and irrational anger that consumed her made it clear that it was not possible to just be friends with Dosan. She couldn’t paint on a happy smile if he decided to date someone else, she wanted to be that someone. She wanted to hold on to those huge hands and never let go. 

“Ms. Seo?” 

She shakes herself from the memory, hurt still bubbling under the surface. She hadn’t gotten a chance to hear Dosan’s answer to her frankly invasive question but his actions were loud enough. She wanted to rip that card into pieces and stomp on the papery bodies. 

“Sorry, I was distracted. I can’t do lunch today. I have a lot of work to catch up on. Are you still coming over for dinner on Friday? Grandmother wants to know, you know she always makes your favorites.” 

At his agreement, she stands up and leaves. Maybe it’s time to move on, Dosan clearly has already. Once again leaving her in the dust. 

*******************************************************************************************

He goes on a few dates with Ji Yoon, and they have a good enough time together. She laughs at his jokes even though there are times her laughter is delayed and he wonders how genuine it is. She’s impressed by his car and the restaurant that Chul-san recommended, hmming at the perfect medium rare steak on her plate. 

But he feels nothing, no fireworks not even a spark but his friends convince him that it will come. These things take time, so he can’t just give up after a few dates. He pointedly ignores the voice in his head that states that his feelings didn’t need time to grow for a certain someone, they had hit him like a freight train and he just hung on for the ride. He doesn’t voice that out loud because that would be counterproductive in his journey to eradicate his feelings for her. 

So he goes through the motions and comes home each night with a sour taste on his tongue and a different face in his dreams. 

Then Friday arrives and he decides to stop wallowing in his own self-pity, ignoring his mother’s insistent statement that “he should just call her”, that is the absolute last thing he should do. He doesn’t want to be the person who stops her happiness, not again. 

But there is something he has to do and he needs to take a risk to do it. 

He called Saha earlier in the morning, pretending not to hear Chul-san’s voice in the background despite the fact that it was 7:00am in the morning and they had no reason to be together, now was not the time for teasing. 

He would make time later. 

She’d seemed suspicious when he asked about Dalmi’s schedule but ultimately told him the information he needed to know so with a heavy heart he rolled out of bed and hopped into the shower, he needed to see someone very special. 

Picking up the scarf and table mats he had knitted the night before he runs down the stairs, squeezing his mother in a one shouldered hug before bolting out the door. 

A woman he doesn’t know answers the door and he stands nervously, wringing his hands his head tilted toward the ground. 

“Yes? Are you here to see Dalmi? She is at work right now.” She apologizes and something about her feels familiar and he looks up and her eyes immediately inform him of who he is speaking to. 

Stuttering he stumbles over his words before finally getting out, “No. I am here to see...”

But a new voice joins them and instantly tears pool in his eyes when Dalmi’s grandmother comes into view, she stares straight ahead but there is no reaction to his presence. She can’t see him. Her world is shrouded in darkness. 

He gazes at her and wonders why these things only seem to happen to good people? Where is the justice in the world? 

“Hi, I don’t know if you remember me but-”

“Nam Dosan!” She shouts his name and his heart swells from her obvious glee, she steps forward and makes grasping hands in the direction of his voice and without pause he steps into her hold, allowing her to surround him in a warm embrace. 

“How could I forget you?” She squeezes him tighter and he doesn’t fight her hold. He’s been cracking apart at the seams her hold is putting him back together. 

*******************************************************************************************

Dalmi turns off her computer, stretching her arms high above her head. Her sister is still on her computer clicking away but she can’t stay another minute her brain has turned to mush. 

Another message from Saha flashes on her phone, once again asking her if she’s left for the day yet and telling her not to work overtime. 

Go home quickly. They don’t pay you enough for this. 

Their relationship has blossomed from where it started with Dalmi on her knees begging the designer to work with her. Their friendship had amounted in a fairly similar fashion, Dalmi bulldozed her way into the girl’s life after the boys left and after a new coffee dates they were inseparable. The sassy designer the only one who knew about Dalmi’s true feelings and how she had pushed Dosan away for his own good. 

“You did the right thing. But you’re an idiot. Why break up with him if it was going to hurt you so much?” 

That specific piece of wisdom had been regaled when Dalmi showed up drunk at the other girl’s house, banging on the door and crying until she was granted entrance. If looks could kill Dalmi would have been buried six foot under instantly but alas mental homicide was impossible so she lived to see another day. Their bond had been cemented in that moment, she woke up the next day with mascara lines on her face and a thick blanket thrown across her on the couch. 

“Here have some coffee and then get out of my house. “

Dalmi took the coffee but she didn’t get out, they spent the day together talking about boys and heartbreak and she pretended not to know who Saha was talking about when she mentioned missing someone, “a little bit, really just a smidge.” 

So she listens to her friend, probably her best friend not that she’ll share that moniker with the girl, she would like to keep some of her pride thank you very much. 

“I’m heading home. Today is family dinner, do you want to come over?” She inquires already knowing the answer based on her previous attempts but she is nothing if not resilient. 

Injae doesn’t even look away from her computer before answering, “No. I have a lot to do here. You go ahead.”

With a shrug she nods, collecting her belongings before walking out the door. 

When she pulls up to her house, she sees an unknown car and she wonders if someone came to visit her mother. Then bright lights fill her side mirrors and she sees the familiar sight of Mr. Han’s car pulling up behind her. 

Hopping out her car, she waves at him. Eying the bag in his hand, he always brings something despite protests from her and her grandmother. 

Before she can properly greet him, he asks “Whose car is that?”

She looks at the car again but nothing comes to mind, “I don’t know I was wondering the same thing. Let’s go inside and find out.” 

And so, they both walk to the door, Dalmi taking out her keys and prying open the door. She is greeted by boisterous laughter and slipping off her heels she enters her home, unprepared for the beautiful scene that welcomes her. 

Dosan is sandwiched between her mother and her grandmother, the latter holding his hand as he hangs on her every word. 

“Dosan-ah”

“What are you doing here?” 

She twists caught off guard by the vicious tone of Mr. Han’s voice, his eyes are glossy and hard as he watches the same scene. 

instantly Dosan gently pulls his hand out her grandmother’s hand and she greets them as well, “Oh Dalmi, Good Boy you’re both home. Dosan stopped by, why don’t we all have a meal together?”

The tension in the room is thick and Dalmi is lost as she watches Mr. Han glare at Dosan as if he has committed the greatest crime. 

With a voice barely above a whisper Dosan speaks, “No that isn’t necessary. I don’t want to intrude. Thank you for talking to me. I’ll fix all the bugs you mentioned.” 

Dosan simply stares at her grandmother for a pregnant moment before he makes his decision and he wraps her in his strong arms. Her grandmother immediately responds, hugging him back and whispering something only he can hear. 

Bowing to them all Dosan walks past her, never meeting her eyes regardless of her hard stare penetrating through his face. 

Before she can bolster up the courage he is already walking out the door. 

“I’ll see him out.” Mr. Han offers, following Dosan out the door and she watches breathless. 

*******************************************************************************************

“What were you thinking coming here?” He shouts at the developer’s retreating back, anger simmering in his blood. He had a family now and he wasn’t going to let anyone take that away from him. Dosan could have anyone in the world, why did he have to come back and ruin everything he had been building? 

He was finally to ready to tell Dalmi how he felt, no more cryptic messages and codes that needed deciphering, he was going to lay his heart on the table. Show her that he could be the Dosan from the letters, he could be her safe haven. 

“I just wanted to see her grandmother, I didn’t meant to run into her. I asked Saha she told me that--”

But he’s too angry to listen to reason, he just wants Dosan to go away, for good. 

“I thought I made myself clear in the elevator. You need to move on. I am the one she calls now when she’s in trouble. I am the one who comes to dinner with her family, that person is me. You are just a piece of her past. A past she has forgotten, stop coming around and making us uncomfortable. Don’t come here again.”

He realizes a second too late that Dosan eyes are shifted over his shoulder and when he turns around Dalmi’s angry tear streaked face fills his vision. 

“What are you saying Mr. Han? What is happening?” Her voice quivers, breaking on the last words and guilt rises as he looks at the clear betrayal on her face. 

“I’m leaving. I won’t come here again. You made yourself very clear.” Dalmi makes to follow Dosan but he steps into her path, needing to explain himself. He just needed a chance to bat. 

“Let him go.” He pleads with her but she snatches her hand out of her reach and stares at him with wet eyes. 

“Why would you say those things to him? What did you say to him in the elevator, are you the reason he’s avoiding me?!” He has never heard Dalmi raise her voice before, even when he was giving her harsh but honest feedback she was calm and accepting of his feedback. The woman before him is someone new, someone he’s never witnessed before. 

“Answer me!” He’s reminded of her screaming those same words at Dosan. 

Swallowing he finally answers her, “I like you. I like you so much it aches Dalmi, I was watching for three years. I thought you would start to notice me but... I don’t understand. Why can’t it be me? Why does it have to be him? I’m the one who wrote the letters, I was the one who comforted you.”

“You lied to me! You and my grandmother. You both lied to me and you created someone who doesn’t exist. You only wrote to me because you owed her a favor, it wasn’t real.”

“That’s not true. Maybe at first, but I grew to enjoy writing them. You comforted me too. I can be the person that you want, just give me a chance. I want to be with you.” 

Then impulsively he pulls the ring box from his pocket, flipping it open and thrusting the box at her.  It shines brilliantly from its satin pillow, diamonds twinkling in the moonlight. It was almost as beautiful as the receiver. 

He get his answer when she barely looks at the ring and instead looks out into the street as if Dosan will materialize again. 

So this is heartbreak. 

“I’m sorry. I should have given you an answer a long time ago. Thank you for those letters, you did comfort me during one of the hardest times of my life. I wish I could repay you somehow. But I can’t repay you with my heart. I’m sorry I really am.” 

He closes the box, putting his bat away. It seemed that even after getting a chance to bat he just wasn’t what Dalmi wanted. He’s never struck out before, the pain is crippling. 

Before he can reply to her rejection she is already bursting through the gate. The engine of her car loud in the dead of the night. 

“Yeong sil-ah what’s in front of me?” 

“A man in his 30s possibly, holding a black square box and crying.” 

He wipes at his face, his fingers come back wet. He didn’t realize when the traitorous tears escaped and he wants nothing more than to suck them back up. He feels pathethic. 

“Oh Good Boy, come here.” 

And he falls apart in the warmth of the first person to ever treat him like something worthwhile, his only family in this world. He clings to her as sobs ravish his body. 

*******************************************************************************************

He’s such an idiot, he knew better than going to her house but he still went and he was immediately punished. Of course, they had family dinners together. They were dating after all, it was natural that Mr. Han would be a welcome guest in their home. While he was the outsider. This was the way it was meant to be from the beginning after all, he had taken credit for someone else’s good deed. He deserved all the pain and suffering he was receiving now. 

Thankfully, his house is empty when he pushes open the door and he makes it to the couch before breaking down, hot tears leaking from his eyes as he recalls how comfortably they had come into the house together. It wasn’t the first time that much was certain. Three years was a long time. 

But it had been worth it, hearing how useful the app had been for her as she lost her sight, how grounding it was to have a program to help her during the transition after losing her vision. He wanted to cry for her loss but she was fighting so hard and finding the good in her situation, she had praised him until his cheeks hurt and he knew that nothing he ever made would make him as proud as Noongil. 

The ringing of his doorbell knocks him free from his thoughts and he presses himself away from the couch, expecting to see his father’s embarrassed face explaining how he forgot his keys and why have a son if not to open doors for him? He sighs in preparation for the conversation before choking on nothing when Dalmi’s red-eyed face appears behind the door. 

“Dalmi-ah.”

“Dosan-ah.”

They speak at the same time and then they are both still, gazing at each other in silence. 

He has the urge to pinch himself to make sure he didn’t fall asleep on the couch but before he can she speaks, “Dosan-ah, can I come in?”

Honestly he has no idea why she’s here. She had no reason to follow him. Maybe she’s here to second Mr. Han’s word. He can’t stomach that conversation a third time. 

But then she blinks and a stray tear escapes. 

“Please.” 

So he can do nothing but step aside and let her in. She has always been his kryptonite. 

She toes her shoes off before stepping into his house, looking around before her eyes land back on him. 

“I think we need to talk.”

It seems he was right. He tenses at the ominous words and lets out a deep breath, “No. I understand. Your....he was very clear. I understand now. I promise.” 

He can’t’ bring himself to finish his sentence, to name exactly what Mr. Han is to Dalmi, he would much rather not think about it and avoid them both until his heart admits defeat. 

Dalmi steps into his space, her hands pausing by his face before she softly holds his cheeks. He freezes, completely lost in her gaze as more tears stream down her face. She looks heartbroken and he almost feels angry, shouldn’t that be his expression? 

“Dosan-ah, I missed you so much.”

Punch to the gut. 

“I thought about you everyday. Every minute of every day. Every second of every minute. I was so happy you were doing well Dosan but .....I missed you so much. I wanted to be by your side.” 

He pulls his face out of her distractingly warm hands, his own clenched in tight fists on the side of his body. What is she saying? She has...someone. Why is she trying to confuse him, is this a game?

“What are you talking about? You broke up with me because I wasn’t him. You want him, he’s the one that you’ve loved since you were a little girl. I wasn’t enough. You told me I wasn’t enough!” 

He’s crying too now, all the pain he’s been containing exploding out as he shatters before her eyes. He can barely see her through the sheen of his tears and he rubs at his eyes, storming away from her in shame. He doesn’t want her to see the affect she still has on him, he should be stronger than this. 

“I lied.”

He stops. 

“I lied about everything. I just wanted to spend your birthday with you but you kept talking about the lawsuit and I knew you wouldn’t leave, you would think it was your fault and you didn’t deserve to live your dream. I pushed you away so you could have a chance at success. I never wanted the Dosan from the letter, that was a fairy tale. It wasn’t real. I know that now Dosan-ah, I want you. I thought I was strong enough to let you go, but it’s my one regret. I.... I love you.” 

During her speech Dalmi has been making her way over to him, climbing the stair he froze on before meeting him eye to eye. 

“Dosan-ah, I love you. I mean it. There’s no one else. Just you.”

There is no one else. Mr. Han doesn’t have her heart, he glances at her hands finding all fingers empty. As if she feels his gaze on her hand, she grabs hold of his trembling appendages. 

“Please say something.” 

 “Dalmi-ah, I love you too.” His voice cracks, bursting with emotion. 

A smile brighter than the sun stuns him as Dalmi falls into his waiting arms. He holds her tightly, never wanting to let her go ever again. If time stopped now he would die happier than he’s ever been. 

She nuzzles deep into his neck and he rubs his head against her soft sweet smelling hair, before he feels something plush land on his Adam’s apple. 

Her lips. 

He stiffens in their embrace and when she pulls back, her eyes are fixated on his lips. 

He missed her so much. 

“Can we go to your room?” Her voice is deeper and raspier than he’s ever heard it, the tone immediately going to his groin as he imagines her hoarse from something else entirely. 

He nods in acquiesce, taking her hand before they ascend the stairs together. Anticipation thick in the air. 

He doesn’t get a chance to be embarrassed about the state of his room because once they breach the doorway, he is bodily shoved into the door slamming it shut. Dalmi peers up into his eyes, searching his face before standing on the tips of her toes and catching his shoulder to yank him down and smashing their lips together. He stands still at first, lost in the wet sensation of Dalmi’s tongue swiping at his lips until she pries them open. 

She moans prettily as she licks into his mouth, sucking on his tongue as she slides her fingers into his hair moving his head to better fit their mouths together. 

He feels lightheaded as Dalmi steals his breath, he breaks their connection gasping for air only to be assaulted again, her lips suctioning the thin skin of his throat and there’s no denying his arousal now as his hard length presses into the zipper of his dress pants. When Dalmi accidentally bumps into the rigid line he jolts, twisting his hips away in shame and he waits for Dalmi to step away and slow them down. Things are moving astronomically quick, faster than the speed of light.  

His brain spasms when he feels a small hand molding around the length protruding from his pants. 

“Dosan-ah, can I?”

He doesn’t know exactly what she’s asking for but he’s too turned on to say anything but yes, yes, God yes. This has been the focus of one too many dreams that ended with disappointment and sticky sheets, if this is a dream he prays he falls in a coma and never wakes up. 

“Yes. Anything, yes.”

Her eyes glint dangerously at his words and then she’s slithering down his body, until her knees meet the floor.  His tongue is heavy in his mouth as he watches Dalmi on her knees, she’s so beautiful it’s unfair. Her lips are disastrously red and sore and perfect. 

“I thought about this a lot.” She whispers, wrecking him with her slow intentional movement. 

He gasps loudly as she drags the metal of his zipper down, unbuttoning his pants and tugging them down his waist. He closes his eyes at the sight of his desire tenting the front of his tight boxer brief, leaving very little to the imagination.

“Dosan-ah. Open your eyes.”

His body listens to her command easily, eyes opened wide as he takes in the view of Dalmi so close to where he needs her the most. 

Then as if worried she’ll scare him away, she gently removes his boxers. Inquisitively looking at the length that springs free, before a hand wraps around the wide circumference near the base. He groans almost collapsing from the immense pleasure that wrecks his over sensitized body. 

Without any warning she strokes from the base to tip, gathering the viscous liquid that has pooled and using it to smooth her motion, up, up, down, up. 

“Dalmi-ah, you don’t have to do this.” He moans out, he has to let her know that this isn’t necessary he’s just happy to be able to kiss her again and be the one who she turns to. This is more than he ever expected and honestly more than he can currently handle. 

She tightens her grip, tongue poking out the side of her wide lips as she closes the gap between them. She pops the moist head of his cock into her mouth and this time he does crumble to the ground and Dalmi climbs into this lap chasing him, then swallowing him further and he thinks of coding strings and the sequence of pi, as his balls tighten up and his end draws closer- embarrassingly fast. 

Emboldened by his gasps and whimpers she bobs her head, licking at his tip as she strokes the base with a corkscrew move that has his toes curling. 

“Dalmi-ah, I think I’m gonna....please stop. I’m too close.”

Humiliation battles with desire, as he feels his release rushing over him. Dalmi ignores his warning, sliding him further into the wet plush cavern of her mouth and he sputters open, overloading into her mouth as she struggles to swallow around the length in her mouth. 

Wow. 

Nobody has ever touched him before, he’d been offered countless times seen as an exotic treat in the California sun but none of them were tempting enough to make him forget the woman who was currently sprawled in his lap lapping at his spent cock. 

Dalmi sits up, wiping at the white droplets that escaped the seams of her lips and it’s a vision erotic enough to have his member jumping, ready for round 2. 

“Dosan, I need you to listen okay?” 

He’s unprepared for the business-like tone of her voice especially as she pushes his now flaccid cock back into his boxers. He blushes hard fumbling to do that himself but she smacks his hand away, “I got it. I did this, so I should take responsibility.” 

He blinks at the statement, before pinching himself. Hard.

She smirks at his pained cry, “Not a dream.” 

He blushes looking away with squinted eyes. 

“Dosan-ah. Your parents are home. I heard the door open when I first started.” She motions to his crotch and he is in too much shock to react to her words, instead he continues to lay on the ground with his legs spread. 

She heard his parents arrive home and continued. 

Who is this she-demon? 

“They haven’t called for you yet. But I’m sure they will soon. We’re going to go down and act normal okay?” 

Act normal. Like Dalmi hasn’t just sucked his brain out through his dick. Right. Sure. He can do that. 

“Dosan, my son? Are you home?” His mother’s voice travels up the stairs and he jumps up, haphazardly tugging his pants back up his waist and tucking his shirt back inside. 

Turning to Dalmi he asks, “How do I look? Does it look like we’ve been doing...things.”  

She raises an eyebrow at his word choice, before stepping closer and combing through his hair with her fingers. 

“You look....distracting.” At his confused stare, she licks her lips and tries again, “You look disheveled. Straighten your shirt and untuck your shirt. You’ll look more relaxed. Actually change those pants completely, they have stuff on them.”

He looks down at himself and sees the sticky spot on the waist of his pants, dammit. Red-faced he walks to his closet, pulling an identical pair of pants from a wooden hanger. He starts to take off the soiled pants before remembering that Dalmi is still in the room.  When he looks over his shoulder, her eyes are already on him as she unabashedly watches him undress. 

“Dalmi-ah.”

“Hmm?”

“I need to change.”

“Okay, go ahead.” 

They stare at each other, unblinkingly. 

Then there is a sharp knock on the door. 

“Dosan-ah, your mother and I heard talking in here. Are you home?”

Throwing caution to the wind, Dosan rips off the pants and hops into the fresh pair. Leaving the shirt untucked as suggested by Dalmi and running a final hand through his hair. With a nod at Dalmi, whose eyes are shining too brightly while he’s on the verge of a heart attack. 

Finally pulling the door open, Dosan rubs his neck sheepishly as he greets the expectant faces of his parents. 

“Oh Dosan-ah, doesn’t the car outside belong to the pretty CEO? The one you wanted to date? What was her name again, Danmi? Dalni?”

Before he can correct his mother, who he knows for a fact is aware of Dalmi’s name as she had mentioned the girl just days ago. If he was brave (stupid)  enough he would glare at her, but as it is all he can muster up is a pleading stare. 

Brazenly Dalmi presses the slightly ajarred door all the way open now coming into view. His dad’s eyes widen in shock and then pride, the last time he saw that look was when he told his parents he would be going to San Francisco. 

His dad looks even prouder now. 

While his mother looks....smug. 

“Hello, my name is Dalmi. It’s a pleasure to meet you both.” She bows low at the waist and he looks away from his parent’s stare, not ready to answer any of the questions in their eyes. 

“You are here very late. I imagine you both were working on something very important.” 

His mother throws them a life preserve and he grabs on to it. 

“Yes! Yes, Dalmi-ah had some questions about her business that couldn’t wait. She’s heading out now. I will walk her out.” Dosan is still a coward, he is man enough to admit that. 

Dalmi easily goes along with his lie, “Yes. My company is working on a self-driving car. I had some questions about the coding. I apologize for coming over so late.”

Both his parents perk up at the mention of her project, his mother quipping that if Dalmi’s project is a success then she will no longer need to take her driving lessons. 

They finally allow Dosan to escort Dalmi out the door only after they have set up plans for dinner the following day, his mother adamant that they formally have a meal with the CEO that Dosan is helping. He almost groans at her lack of subtlety. 

Once they are safely outside, Dosan breathes a sigh of relief. 

“I’m sorry about my parents. They can be.... excitable. If you would rather not come to dinner tomorrow, I can come up with an excuse for you.” He offers, not wanting to scare the girl off before they can fully restart their  relationship. 

“What are you talking about? I’m looking forward to dinner with my future in-laws. I want to hear more about the pretty CEO you want to date too.” 

He hangs his head, groaning as Dalmi giggles dragging him into another kiss, he lifts her up holding her tightly.  

This time, he’s never letting go. 

*******************************************************************************************

“So, do you believe them?” 

Her husband smirks, almost clapping in glee. “Not a chance.” 

There shy little boy wasn’t so shy or little anymore. 

[leia-organa-fics]

I can't get the image of everyone having a big slumber party on the falcon out of my head. All I keep thinking is the second anniversary of Alderaan's destruction is coming up and Luke, Han, and Chewie won't let Leia sleep alone.

anniversary

Leia felt like her reality had been divided up into two layers that superseded and superposed each other at random. One moment she was in the Rebel Base, the next she stood on the Death Star. Cheers sounded around her, then there was only a deafening silence. Rebel soldiers danced. The disciplined officers on the bridge of the Death Star saluted. A cup in her hand, handcuffs around her wrists. Dodonna said something to her. Darth Vader´s metallic breathing echoed in her ears.

The impressions changed so fast it made her dizzy.

Someone bumped into her. Vaders iron grip held her in place. Dodonna said something about supply chains. You don´t know how hard I found it signing the order to terminate your life. It will be a challenge to transport the necessary supplies to the Hoth basis. In a way, you have determined the choice of the planet that will be destroyed first. Not only is the Hoth System far away from any major hyperspace lanes, but- Where is the rebel base? Of course, we also need to find a way to obtain a strong enough heating system. You may fire when ready. -to keep the walls from caving in. You are far too trusting.

Leia felt her breathing get faster. She started to hyperventilate.

Dodonna looked at her questioningly. Green light. -alright, Your Highness? Billions of voices crying out in despair. Your Highness? Dodonna touched her arm. Nothing. Leia swayed on her feet. She felt like she might faint. Tarkin smirked at her, pleased that his monstrosity had worked. Someone grabbed her arm to keep her from falling over.

“Careful there, sweetheart.”

Startled, Leia jerked around. Han. The walls of the garbage compressor closed in on them. “You look like you need some fresh air.” Come on, Your Worship, let me have a look at those burns on your back. She mumbled an excuse to Dodonna, before letting herself be led away by Han. A part of her wondered what people would think about his arm draped around her shoulders, but her need for comfort was stronger than her self-consciousness. Leia felt sick to her core as she watched the asteroid field where once Alderaan had been.

Out of nowhere, Luke appeared on her other side. “Are you okay, Leia?” She nodded numbly, too tired to bother with a verbal response.

Instead of outside, Han led the group to the Falcon. The familiar smell of engine grease, leather, and Chewie´s cooking greeted them, as they walked up the ramp. Leia drank it in. Millions of white lights passed them in hyperspace. The only thing that Leia could think about was that Alderaan wasn´t one of them anymore. A sudden wave of calm washed over her. Alderaan was gone, but this ship had carried her away from the Death Star. The three faces mustering her in concern belonged to her friends.

Han led her to the dejarik table, and she let herself fall on the bench behind it. A drink appeared in front of her. “Drink, sweetheart. You look like you need it.” Leia complied. Burning liquor flowed down her throat, but she wouldn´t have cared if it had been fuel, instead. She was simply too tired to fight or argue about anything.

Han, Luke, Chewie, and even Mon had all told her that she didn´t need to attend the party for the second anniversary of the Death Star´s destruction. They had told her that she didn´t need to be there. Of course, she hadn’t listened. As a member of High Command, it was her responsibility to look after the troops and strengthen their morale, after all. She had thought she could handle it. Evidently, she couldn´t. If Han hadn´t led her away, she might have passed out in the middle of the mess hall. It would have been mortifying.

Chewie roared a question. By now, her Shyriiwook was good enough to at least understand the gist. “I´m not hungry,” she said.

Chewie´s answer was berating.

Leia sighed. “No, I haven´t eaten anything at the party, but I´m not hungry.”

The Wookiee ignored her and placed a steaming plate in front of her. She answered his stern look with an annoyed one of her own, even as the smell of the food made her mouth water. After a couple of seconds, she relented. “Thanks, Chewie. I suppose I could eat a bit.”

She expected a sarcastic comment from Han. When none came, she lifted her head and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. He just winked at her and went to fetch himself a plate of his own. If even Han Solo who had an astonishing talent for putting his foot in his mouth choose to stay quiet, she probably looked as worn out as she felt … Leia didn´t even try to compose herself, she knew it wouldn´t work and, more importantly, she did not have to put on a facade. Those were her friends.

Friends. The word set off a bittersweet feeling. She had had friends on Alderaan, too. Their names still lived in her mind, but their faces were starting to get blurry. Why could she still recall every detail of Tarkin, while the people she had loved were starting to fade? He had already taken so much from her and now he had to take this, too?

The faces of the people who had played only minor roles in her life were gone completely. She knew the woman who had sold flowers near the palace of Aldera had had grey hair and crooked teeth. She knew the son of her martial arts teacher had had pasty pale skin and freckles. She knew that her mother´s favourite baker had had the kindest smile that had always made the skin around his eyes wrinkle. She remembered little things that didn´t matter much in the grand scheme of things, but she was missing too many pieces to put the puzzle together in its entirety. When she closed her eyes, she couldn´t picture their faces anymore. In her mind, these people who had lived, loved, and felt joy were reduced to a handful of characteristics. What if there was no one else to remember them? What if her memories – fragmented as they were – were all that was left of those people?  

The thought saddened her, more than that: It made her despair. All those people had not just been killed by the Empire, they – their legacies, their meaning – had been stolen. Irrevocably destroyed. Forever. With them, with Alderaan, an irreplaceable part of the Galaxy had been destroyed. It would never be whole again.

But Leia could do something to mend the hole that had been left behind – at least a little bit. She could remember. She could share her memories.

That was what she did.

She talked about her maidens, the palace guard, and all the other people she had known. She talked about their lifes and how they had affected hers, about all the little things that might not matter in the grand scheme of things, but that had made those people who they were. She talked about her parents and her friends, about her childhood.

And Han, Luke, and Chewie listened. They listened to everything and by doing so, they gave the deceased Alderaani a piece of their meaning back.

Only when the sounds of the party had lapsed into silence, when the sun was rising and Leia had told every detail she remembered, did she stop.

The feeling of loss was still there, would be there for the rest of her life, but it was not as heavy as before. She could bear it. She could honour the dead and move forward – never forget but move forward.

***

Thanks for the prompt, anon! It´s not really fluffy and there is no sleeping involved, but I hope you still like what I came up with.

Feel free to send more prompts!

[letterboxd]

Lonesome Cruiser.

Blockbuster composer Tom Holkenborg, aka Junkie XL, talks to Gemma Gracewood about composing for titans, his pride in Dutch cinema, friendship with George Miller and longing for Olivia Newton-John. Plus: his Letterboxd Life in Film and why he’s selling his prized collection of recording gear.

It has been a spectacular spring for Tom Holkenborg, the Dutch musician also known as Junkie XL, who has crafted the scores for multiplex fare such as Mad Max: Fury Road, Deadpool, Terminator: Dark Fate, Sonic the Hedgehog and the upcoming zombie banger Army of the Dead. Only weeks apart, two blockbusters landed on screens with his sonic stamp all over them: Adam Wingard’s Godzilla vs. Kong and Zack Snyder’s re-realized Justice League.

Thankfully, the Godzilla vs. Kong score was complete by the time the Justice League telephone rang. Holkenborg—who had lost the Justice League gig along with Snyder the first time around—knew the Snyder cut was coming; he had closely watched the growing calls for it online. “Zack and I already started talking in 2019. He’s like, ‘What if we were to finish this? What would it take?’ Those conversations turned to ‘Well, how many recording days potentially do you need and how much of an orchestra do you potentially need?’ Finally, somewhere in April 2020, that’s when that phone call came: ‘Okay, light’s green, start tomorrow, and start running until it’s done because it’s four and a half hours’.”

Ray Fisher as Cyborg in ‘Zack Snyder’s Justice League’.

Holkenborg approaches the titanic task of blockbuster film scoring with an engineer’s mindset: “Building a fantastic, huge house with 20 bedrooms and the dance hall and the kitchen… You’re not going to start by building the third bathroom for the third guest room, right?” Once he has identified the scenes that are most important to his directors—for Snyder, they included the introduction of Cyborg, three fight set-pieces, and a scene of The Flash running that comes towards the end of the film—the composer identifies instrumental “colors” in order to build a theme around each character. Then he holds some of those colors back, theorizing that “if you want like an, ‘Oh!’ experience by looking at a painting that has a huge amount of bright yellow in it, it’s way more successful to see fifteen paintings in front of it, where yellow is absent.”

The Godzilla vs. Kong score satisfies Holkenborg’s life-long love of both characters. “I don’t have a preference for either one. I love them both for various different reasons.” Their respective histories fascinate him: Godzilla as a way to make sense of Japan’s nuclear fall-out, and Kong as a gigantic spectacle that ended up attracting the sympathies of the audiences he was supposed to scare. Even when the science makes no sense (“what the fuck are plasma boosters, anyway?!”), Holkenborg is still happy to wax lyrical about the emotional depth of Kong’s stories, the elaborate concepts of the Godzilla-verse, and his musical approach to the pair—dark, moving brass for Godzilla, with synthesized elements “because he is a half-synthesized animal”, and a more organic, complex orchestration for Kong, featuring “one of the world’s bigger bass drums”.

Adam Wingard’s ‘Godzilla vs. Kong’.

All of this seat-shaking bombast is composed on an “insanely massive sound system” in Holkenborg’s small home studio (though he reassures pandemic-stricken film lovers that he has recently seen both Godzilla vs. Kong and Justice League on his laptop—and “really enjoyed watching it like that”). The process, he says, was “pretty intense”, but only in terms of the sheer amount of score needed. Composing in quarantine was not much different from his usual workflow. “I’m a pretty lonesome cruiser anyway. Composing, by nature, is like a solo exercise—obviously with assistance.”

Like many creatives (Bong Joon-ho recently told a film studies class that he is up at 5:00am most days to watch a movie), Holkenborg is an early riser, waking by 4:00am. “I’m super sharp between like 4 or 5:00am and 9:00am, so I like to do a lot of creative work in that slot.” He takes care of business until mid-afternoon, when another creative spurt happens. “And then I have another batch of calls usually to make, and then around 8:30pm, I’m going to retire for the rest of the day and just chill out a little bit and watch stuff that I want to see, read things that I want to read. Right now I’m studying Portuguese.” By 10:30pm, he’s asleep. “And then at three o’clock I get up.” (Needless to say, Holkenborg’s children are no longer small.)

The pandemic simplified a lot of things for a lot of people: for Holkenborg, it has been a moment to tidy up the physical side of his work. In November last year, he opened an online shop to divest the bulk of his gear—synths, pedals, guitars, drum machines and much more—that he has been collecting since the late 1970s. When friends told him he’d regret it, he disagreed. “At some point I’m going to die. I can’t take them to the afterlife. I also found out I don’t need them. I love to have them around, but I don’t need them.”

Tom Holkenborg with the bass drum used in the ‘Godzilla vs. Kong’ score.

It certainly solves the question of what he’d take if his house was on fire. “The hard drives with sounds and music over the last 40 years, 45 years, that’s hard to replace. So, that would be it. I’m just thinking about things that are absolutely irreplaceable and there are not that many, really.” Alas, it’s bad news for that bass drum. “I can’t take that with me when the house is on fire. Unfortunately, it’s going to make the house burn longer.”

Anyone who has interviewed or spent time with Holkenborg will agree: he may be a lonesome cruiser, but he is also personable, funny, loves to settle in for a chat. As he lights his second or third cigarette in readiness for his Life in Film questionnaire, I’m curious about his relationships with the esteemed filmmakers he has worked with—who include his mentor, Hans Zimmer, directors Sir Peter Jackson, Tim Miller, Robert Rodriguez and, especially, Fury Road’s George Miller.

The story of how Holkenborg scored Mad Max: Fury Road bears retelling: that George Miller did not want a soundtrack (“he was convinced that the orchestration of sounds of the cars would be enough to carry the whole movie”), that Holkenborg was only brought in to create a little something for the Coma-Doof Warrior’s flame-throwing guitar, that they hit it off, the job grew, and grew, into a score that covers almost the entire film.

The Coma-Doof Warrior in ‘Mad Max: Fury Road’ (2015).

What is his best memory of Fury Road? “Well, obviously, when I saw the movie for the first time and I was like ‘what the hell am I looking at?’,” he laughs. “What I mostly look back on is the friendship that I developed with George and the film school one-on-one that I got admitted to, while being paid at the same time, to study with somebody like him. We would talk all night about all kinds of things and nothing, because that really defines our relationship so much—a joint interest in so many different things.”

Happily, Holkenborg and Miller are working together again, on Three Thousand Years of Longing. “It’s really great to be in that process with him again. It’s just like about pricking each other with a little needle. It’s like, ‘Oh, why are you saying that?’ We do that with each other to keep each other sharp. ‘Oh, but if you’re doing this, I’m going to be doing that.’ And then, ‘Oh, if you’re doing that, I’m going to be doing this.’ So it’s really interesting.”

What is your favorite Godzilla film?

Tom Holkenborg: 1989’s Godzilla vs. Biollante. It’s a very obscure one where he’s basically fighting a giant rose. Let’s not look for the logic there.

Why has that particular Godzilla captured your heart? It’s so corny. Yeah. Mothra vs. Godzilla is also great. Mothra looks like a very bad Arabian carpet that was imported through customs and it got delivered by FedEx completely ruined and then laid outside for like four weeks in the rain.

‘Godzilla vs. Biollante’ (ゴジラvsビオランテ, 1989).

What is the first film you remember seeing in a cinema? Bambi. I was six years old, yeah.

And is there a film you have fond memories of watching with your family—a movie that became a family favorite? Not, like, a family favorite because our opinions were too diverse for that, but the next movie that became very important to me when I was a little older was Saturday Night Fever. I thought the soundtrack was, like, groundbreaking, mind-blowingly insane. It’s not necessarily those three massive beats of the Bee Gees on there, but all these other really alternative, left-field tracks by bands like Kool & the Gang. And the way that that darker disco music played against that really dark movie about what it’s like to live in New York and become a competitive dancer, it’s incredible. And still, today, it’s one of the movies where film music and the film itself had so much impact on me, even though it’s not a traditional film score in that sense. It’s incredible.

What is the film that made you want to work in movies, given that you also have a whole musical career separate from movies? (Enjoy Junkie XL’s early 2000s remix of Elvis Presley’s ‘A Little Less Conversation’.) For me, the move from a traditional artist into film scoring was a very slow gradual process. There’s not one movie that pushed me over the cliff. It’s just, like, all the great movies that were made. And I still have a list of obscure movies, classic movies that I need to see.

Yesterday I saw the weirdest of all, but I do want to share this: the original, uncut R-rated version of Caligula, [from] 1979. He [director Tinto Brass] was notoriously brutal and he organized orgies and had terrible torturing techniques. But it’s really weird, there’s Shakespearean actors in there, and then it goes to full-on porn sections. It’s really weird. The music is incredible. You can find it online. You will not find it anywhere [else]. I can just imagine what this must have felt like in 1979 when the film came out. Suspiria, that’s another one. It’s just like, how weird was that thing?

What is your favorite blockbuster that you did not compose? Ben-Hur. I’ve seen that one at least 20 times.

What’s your all-time comfort re-watch? The movie I’ve seen the most is Blade Runner. It’s just, like, it’s a nice world you’re stepping into, that fantasy. It’s not necessarily because I have memories [of] that movie that brings me back to a certain time period, it’s not that. It’s just that I just love to dwell in it. It feels a little bit like coming home. You can use it as comfort food, you can use it as, “I’m not feeling anything today”, or the opposite. You feel very great and you feel very inspired and it’s like, “Oh, let’s go home and watch that movie again.”

Terrence Malick’s ‘The Thin Red Line’ (1998).

Hans Zimmer has been an important mentor to you. Do you have a favorite of his scores? Yes, The Thin Red Line. It’s also the filmmaking of Terrence Malick—he forces a composer to think a certain way. He would always say, “It’s too much, make it less, make it smaller, make it this, make it that.” So, A, it’s a very good movie and B, he got Hans into the right place and Hans just over-delivered by doing exactly the right things at the right time and then shining just because of that.

Who is a composer that you have your eye on and what is one of their films that we should watch next? It’s so sad to say, but I mean, let’s call it like a retrospective discovery if you will. I’m so sad that we lost Jóhann Jóhannsson. He was a composer I felt really close to. We started roughly in the same time period making our way in today’s world. Also, Jóhann came from an artist background, even though it was a modern classical background. He made really great records, great experimentation with electronic elements, with classical instruments, and the mix between the two of them—very original way of looking at music. With Denis Villeneuve as his partner in crime the movies that they did were just mind-boggling good, whether it was Sicario or Arrival or Prisoners, and his voice will truly be missed among film composers. So people that are not super familiar with his work, I would definitely check it out.

‘Turks Fruit’ (Turkish Delight, 1973).

What is a must-see Dutch film that we should add to our watchlists? Holland has small cinema, but it has a really rich cinema and a very serious cinema culture. Usually because there’s not enough work in film, people are serious stage performers but then they also act in movies so they understand both really well. And we’ve delivered. There’s a string of actors that make their way to Hollywood or star in well-known series, whether it’s like Game of Thrones, or what we just talked about, Blade Runner. Many directors like Paul Verhoeven, Jan de Bont, the cameraman.

And so a movie that I’d like to pick is an old movie, called Turks Fruit (Turkish Delight) from the 1970s. Rutger Hauer is a younger guy, like, this completely irresponsible guy that starts this relationship with a really beautiful young girl, and they do all these crazy things, they do a lot of drugs and they have a lot of sex. He’s just like a bad influence on her.

Then he finds out she [has] cancer and it’s terminal. And to see him deal with that, and to see him want a change, but also in that change he does a lot of bad stuff at the same time… It was a sensational movie when it came out. And it actually was directed by Paul Verhoeven, one of his earlier films. When you see it, you’re just like, ‘Why am I watching this?’ for the first 45 minutes and then it starts and it’s like, ‘whoa’. So it’s really good, even in retrospect.

Olivia Newton-John and John Travolta in ‘Grease’ (1978).

What is the sexiest film you’ve ever seen? When I was super young, it was definitely Grease, with Olivia Newton-John, when she was in her catsuit at the very end of it. I had her picture on my bedroom, above my bed sideways because I was only like ten years old or something. I was so in love with Olivia Newton-John. It wasn’t the film per se, it was her. Yeah, I find, personally, movies from the ’70s to be more sexy, but it has something to do with the super-loose way that people were dressed and people were behaving.

And the other one was later in life: Basic Instinct. Sharon Stone. I’m not talking about like the famous shot, right, where she crosses her legs. I’m not talking about that, but the way that she acts throughout the whole movie. It’s insane. It’s really great.

Are there any films that have scared you? Like, truly terrified you? Yeah, I’m not a big fan because I get sucked up too much in it. The found [footage] horror movies like Paranormal Activity and things like the Japanese version of The Grudge, I cannot watch that stuff. That gets me too much. Because when I watch a film, I cannot watch it with one eye half open, the other one closed, like, ‘Okay, kind of cool, interesting’. I just get sucked into it.

Is there a film that has made you cry like no other? Oh yeah. Multiple. Once Upon a Time in America. The Godfather. Hable con Ella (Talk to Her). Betty Blue.

Thomas Holkenborg, AKA Junkie XL.

These are the films that make you weep? Not like on a regular basis, but I remember those were the ones that I really got hit. I’m talking particularly about the third Godfather. That whole end scene when they get out of the church and then… It’s really well-acted. So many Godfather fans that were dismissive of the film when it came out, in retrospect, ten, fifteen, 20 years later, are like, ‘it’s a really good film’. And I actually think so.

Final question. Is there a film from the past year that you would recommend, that you’ve loved? [Long pause.] The thing is that I watch pretty much a movie a day. So, that’s like three to four hundred movies. It [has] happened so often that I watch a film and then I’m just like an hour and 45 minutes in, it’s like, ‘wait, fuck, I’ve seen this thing before’.

So, we have an app for that… [Laughs.]

Related content

Junkie XL’s Letterboxd Life in Film list

Freddie Baker’s review of Justice League

Dutch Cinema: Danielle’s extensive list of more than 2,000 films

Letterboxd Showdown: The Perfect Score (best film scores)

The official Junkie XL Reverb Shop

Follow Gemma on Letterboxd

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

I don’t know where to cut this it’s over 13k

The world outside their bedroom was dark when Lance woke. Shuffling off to the bathroom, he returned to find Keith still snoring softly. He’d really fucked up. He’d let everything get too much for him, then broken down. Considering the bathroom light was the only one on in the cabin, other than their bedside lamp, he’d missed decorating Keith’s cake too. He’d missed the whole afternoon. Climbing back into bed, he wriggled in an attempt to get comfortable as he lay facing his husband. Keith was so beautiful. His soft silky hair mussed by his pillow, drool dried in the corner of his mouth. He wished he could hold him. Have Keith’s back up against his chest. His face buried against Keith’s nape, as his husband burrowed into his hold. He missed the way Keith would roll over in his hold, the sheer amount of affection in his eyes as he smiled up at him. He missed him. And showering. Quiznak, he missed showering where he could wash Keith’s hair. He missed watching the suds running down his husband’s toned back. The way Keith would melt as he massaged his scalp... He loved him so fucking much. Keith had lost muscle mass while in his coma, a tiny bit more fat sat on his stomach. If you hadn’t spent hours simply tracing Keith’s form with your eyes, you wouldn’t know. You also wouldn’t see the small hesitations Keith made now as he tried to figure out his own strength. Keith’s eyelashes fluttered, a puffy sigh escaping his lips as his hand moved. Blinking half a dozen times rapidly, Keith scrunched his eyes tightly, then proceeded to wrap his arm around him as tried to get closer than Lance’s stomach allowed “Mmm, babe?” Reaching out, Lance brushed Keith’s fringe from his face. His husband was so handsome. Keith could have had his choice if anyone in the universe. Opening his eyes, Keith blinked those gorgeous purple eyes at him, Lance’s face was full of love “I’m here. You go back to sleep” “Nooo. Not until you tell me why you’re awake...” “I was watching you sleep. Thinkin’ ‘bout how pretty you are” Keith ducked his head, yawning through his nose as he slid his hand up to Lance’s hip “You’re the pretty one. Very pretty” “No, babe. You are. I love you” Keith frowned at him, his hand moving from Lance’s hip to his shoulder “What’s wrong? You don’t smell very happy” Lance hummed. The only thing unhappy about the situation was that he couldn’t cuddle his husband “I’m fine. Scouts honour” “Then why do you seem so sad?” He wasn’t so much sad as he was missing how things used to be “I’m not. I was thinking about how much I love you. I miss holding you” “That just means I get to hold you” “I know. I miss it though. I miss washing your hair and holding you when you wake up” “Babe...” Lance sniffled softly. There might have been times he wanted to shoot Keith in the foot, but he was so incredibly fortunate to have the man for his partner “You’re so beautiful, Keith... I love you so quiznakking much” “Hey, you’re the beautiful one. What’s going on here?” “I just... I love you and I’m so grateful. I don’t know how I could made it through any of this without you. I’m... I’m really... I couldn’t think of anyone else I’d want by my side for this” Keith’s smile sent happiness flooding through his veins “You don’t need to look so sad. You’re my pride and joy, Lance. You’re my husband... and that... that makes me so fucking happy” Lance felt himself blush, wishing his stomach wasn’t in the way. He really wanted to kiss his husband. Keith’s pouty lips were so damn kissable. Trying to settle his racing heart, Keith whispered his slight nudge “Babe?” Lance swallowed, he wanted to kiss him. He really wanted to kiss him “I want to kiss you” “Then kiss me” He would if they weren’t in such an awkward position “You’ll have to come to me... because I can’t reach you” “Oh, babe... here, come here” Rolling onto his back, Keith moved to kiss him. The kiss was deep, full of meaning. Lance’s eager to return it, to show his husband how important and irreplaceable he was. Between his legs grew wet, as the kiss morphed into a desperate need to feel some much more. To feel the heat of Keith’s skin, to watching his face as he fell apart. As the kiss broke, Lance let out a shaky breath “Wow” “Wow” Keith echoed his breathy statement, hair falling down to frame his face as nuzzled at Lance’s cheek. The sensation tickled his skin, the Cuban smiling as he tucked Keith’s hair back behind his ear “I want to have sex” Keith snorted softly “You do?” “I want my husband. I want to feel you... I feel like my heart’s going to explode if I don’t...” “We can’t have that” Why didn’t Keith get it? Why didn’t he acknowledge how strong he was? How wonderful he was... He wanted to forget the pain of Keith leaving that night. He wanted to wash away the pain he’d carved onto Keith’s heart “I’m serious, Keith. I’m so in love with you that I don’t know what to do anymore. You’re my everything. You’re my partner. My partner in crime. My accidental husband that was tricked into a union with me. You keep me sane and you pull me back from the edge like it’s as natural as breathing. I’m sorry I couldn’t bring myself back. I couldn’t fix me...” “You don’t need fixing. I love you. You’re allowed to have feelings. You’re allowed to have bad days” “But today’s your birthday. I want you to have the happiest birthday ever. You’re my world, Keith. My lover and my husband. I want to feel you... I want to spend this now having sex with the man I treasure. Happy Birthday, babe” Slowly and sweetly Lance fell apart under Keith’s hands. His husband’s lips upon his body like a ravenous wolf upon a bone. His hands never seemed to stop moving, a kiss or touch, neither here nor there, but both “and” and “and not” at the same time as tried to catch the fleeting feelings of fingertips or lips only for it slip away before he could catch it. The unique sensations only Keith could strum to life stripped away his bullheadedness. Long caramel legs wide as he lay exposed, Keith teasing him to the point he felt he was going to crumble if his husband didn’t let him come. With a shallow thrust, he was drowning, gasping for air as his hands clenched the blanket beneath them. Rolling his hips slowly, the muscles in his legs undulated, body clenching around his husband, drawing him deeper into his sopping wet heat, only Keith... Keith knew how to play him. His thrusts kept shallow, he reduced him into a babbling mess, words of love slurred into words of need. Keith would oblige, thrusts hard and deep until his toes started too curl and all language lost form, then would edge off, remaining only ever so slightly buried inside, teasing him into this trembling sweaty mess. Reaching for his husband’s hand, Keith stared down at him with hooded eyes, his hand taking his as he slid from inside of him. Crying out in loss, Keith kissed his palm, nuzzling softly as if they weren’t lost in the heat of sex. Forming words with his kiss swollen lips, Lance couldn’t comprehend them. Their position changing as Keith moved from between his legs, an arm finding its way between his back and the blankets, Lance left dizzy as he went from being beneath his husband to straddling his lap in the space of a few moments. Now the one gazing down, Keith kissed his hand again, a hand on his hip the support offered as Lance rose to sink back down. Whimpering his husband’s name, Keith rolled up, the position finally giving him everything he needed. Trying to ride Keith, he could barely lift his body to find his rhythm, hand torn from Keith’s to balance himself as he rode his husband unashamedly. With curved back and bared throat, his vision mister red. Orgasm finally tearing through him as came in hard jolted bursts between them, cum dripping from the bottom of his swell, soaking his crutch and pooling on Keith’s stomach. Keith stretching him wide as he swelled inside, flooding him as his chanted his praises. He loved this man. He loved him... Legless and unable to stand, keith fetched a cloth to clean him down with. Wiping him clean, his husband pressed kisses to the places the cloth passed over. All Lance wanted was to cuddle with him now, but Keith was too good to him. His husband cleaned him down, helped him back into his sweats then to the bathroom. Hunched from the fire running through his back and legs, Keith sat him on the toilet, fetching paracetamol and heat pads for him. That had meant his husband had to wake Curtis to ask for the paracetamol. Measuring the dose, his husband apologised, Lance didn’t want apologies. He loved him. He loved being close to him. He didn’t regret having sex with him, the sex it’s self wasn’t the problem. It was sitting in his husband’s lap for as long as he did. Making sure he was comfortable, clean and heat padded in the right places, his husband supported him back to their room. Keith stripping off the top sheet then fussing him under the covers before spooning around him. It was a nightmare free night for them. Lance waking after Keith. His husband’s hand against his belly as their twins slept. Wriggling against him, Keith kissed his shoulder. His husband’s dick was poking against his arse, Lance mentally snorting as how eager Keith was despite the night before “Good morning, sleeping beauty” “Mmm... morning... seems like I’m late to wake up” “Nah, you’re fine. How are you feeling?” “Happy” Placing his hand on Keith’s, Keith nuzzled into the spot he’d been kissing “Good. I was worried you’d be sore from last night” “‘m ok. Are you ok?” “Yeah. Yeah, I think I am” Sliding Keith’s hand down, his husband took the silent invitation, rutting up against his arse as they reached the band of his sweats “Babe?” “I want it... like this...” “You sure?” “Yes, birthday boy...” Keith was slow and gentle. Aroused before he woke, neither of them lasted long. Laying in a tangle of limbs, and a very protruding stomach, their twins seemed to think it was time to make their presence known given their parents were awake. Handsy and cuddly, Keith was going a little crazy as he nuzzled and kissed him. Tickled by his husband’s fringe, Lance’s giggled “What’s so funny?” “If I told you, you wouldn’t show me mercy” “I might. It’s my birthday... I can be generous” “Your hair’s tickly” Leaning further over him, his husband’s hair draped across his face. Laughing, he shoved Keith back “What happened to being generous?!” “What did I do?” Playfully teasing him, Keith knew damn well what he did “You know what you did... It’s assault with a long dead mullet!” “That’s nice... it’s my birthday and you’re picking on me” “I will when you’re tickling me!” There was a pause before Keith poked his belly “Hey, babe...” “Yesss?” “I love you” “I love you, too. You’re such a dork” “Again, it’s my birthday. What happened to the Lance who was telling me how much he loved me?” “I slept it off...?” “And you’re really alright? Last night was... it was pretty full on. We haven’t done edging like that...” They hadn’t done edging that like since he’d turned into this... with an over active pair of watermelons in his stomach “Babe, you’re worrying too much... I don’t want you to worry. I don’t want you to feel bad for us enjoying... that... I love you” “I know you do. That’s why I don’t want you to feel like you can’t say no” “You have no idea what my libido is like... seriously, I could go again right now” “You wouldn’t be able to walk” “At least I wouldn’t be a horny wreck... seriously, please. I love you. I... I like... this. This... us. I didn’t think... I didn’t think I’d ever want something like this after what happened. But when I’m with you, I feel like I can do almost anything. I might have been a bit emotional last night, but I swear I’m ok” “A bit? You looked ready to cry before we started” “That’s because...!” Keith nipped at his shoulder, Lance knowing he’d have to explain, but it wasn’t always easy to find the words to explain emotions and feelings. Sometimes the right word simply didn’t exist “Because?” “Because... I love you. It hit me last night, all over again. All the support you give me. How alive you make me feel... how beautiful you are. I mean, like, neither of us are perfect, and this is probably the longest we’ve gone without fighting, but like... I couldn’t ask for a better husband and sometimes I feel like I can’t say that, even when I do... like... I mean... I just love you” No one had ever called him “Eloquent” and meant it... He’d said “like” far too many times for his liking. He couldn’t help the rush of love or the rush of affection he felt when Keith would smile at him. That private little smile that seemed to say far more than his words could. Nuzzling into him, Keith sighed “You say it everyday, babe. Don’t forget that” “Sometimes I don’t...” “You don’t always have to do the actual say. The three of you make me so quiznakking proud” “Even with sweats half down and your dick up my arse?” “Yep. Especially with your sweats half down and my dick up your arse. It’s going down now” “I wasn’t sure that was a setting...” Keith slid back slightly before thrusting forward, the drag felt too damn good. Squeaking, Lance blushed. Kissing his below his ear, his husband was a shit “What was that?” If this kept up they’d never end up getting out of bed for the day. His husband had to detach and stop his “pervy octopus” ways “I have to pee” “Then I guess we’ll have to finish in the shower” * Keith was a the happiest he could possibly be as they walked into the living area. Sitting on the kitchen counter were a small pile of wrapped gifts, Krolia stood in front of something blue she seemed quite proud of, with Korra on her shoulder. Curtis was at the oven, a small stack of pancakes on the plate to the left of him. Beside him, Lance came to a stop. Nudging him softly with his shoulder, his husband smiled at him “Sorry, hard kick. I’m ok. They’re super active now” Lance’s scent was tinged with sadness, his eyes misty “You sure?” “My ribs are being bashed. Let’s get you your birthday breakfast” “Ok. Do you want to cuddle on the sofa with me while we eat?” “Yeah. That sounds good” Lance took the lead, leading him into the kitchen to stand by Curtis “You’ve gotten better. Minimal burning around the edges... and look at those bubbles!” Curtis rolled his eyes at him, Keith wrapping his arms around his husband as he rested his chin on Lance’s shoulder “You’re not funny. Yes, you can take what’s there. The butter’s already on the table. Happy Birthday, Keith” “Thanks, Curtis. Those look great” Curtis waved his egg-flip “At least someone appreciates my pancakes. Keith, you forgot to return my paracetamol last night. You’re forgiven because it’s your birthday, but next time can you try to remember please?” Keith’s “No problem...” overlapped Lance’s “Aw, babe. Everyone wants to pick on you today”. Curtis shook his head, he probably didn’t want to know “Take your pancakes and sit down already. I’ll bring more over when I’m done” “Thanks, Curtis. You’re the best” Trying not to let Lance go as he shuffled along behind him, the slipped past Curtis and into range of Krolia. Grabbing his arm, they were both jolted back as his mother leaned in to kiss his cheek “Happy Birthday, Keith” “Thanks, mum. And thank you, Korra” His little sister’s eyes were open, staring at him as he kissed her forehead. She looked happy. Happy and chubby... and maybe a bit confused “We weren’t sure that you were getting out of bed today, were we Korra? Your big brother certainly kept us both waiting” “It’s my birthday, I’m allowed to sleep in” Krolia side-eyed him, then lifted Korra off her shoulder, nuzzling and kissing her chubby cheek she seemed so happy to have her. Keith felt a stab of jealousy. Happiness and jealousy... “Don’t you listen to your big brother. He wasn’t sleeping at all... but he did give us time to decorate his cake, didn’t he, baby girl. Luckily Curtis baked it yesterday. It gave us time this morning, yes it did my darling” The blue thing he’d noticed on the counter turned out to be a dark blue frosted cake. His mother had whipped up some cream to pipe along the top, the bowl and bag sitting next to the cake. Keith’s brain ticked over. The previous days walk where they’d been allowed out for over an hour. Lance covering his moment of sadness with that little white lie he knew he was telling. Lance and Curtis had talked about his birthday. They’d planned the cake together. Seeing it assembled, Lance must have realised whatever he’d had planned was no longer possible. Having talked to Shiro the previous afternoon, Shiro has agreed that too many people face to face would most probably be bad for Lance’s mental health. Pidge was still making the trek to see them in person, bringing with her their presents to him and setting up the TV for a face call. Coran had wanted to come see them in person too, but understood that Lance might not be up for visitors. Shiro wasn’t completely sure if he was coming to visit or not, meaning it’d be a surprise for all of them to see what he decided to do. Miriam had been right, and having forgotten that his birthday was coming up, he’d also forgotten that Lance always wanted everything to be perfect for the people around him. In a way it was good that he’d forgotten or he would have been stressing over his husband’s mental state further the closer they got to today. Kissing Korea’s cheek, Krolia held her out to him. Letting go of his husband, Keith took Korra into his hold. His little sisters hand tightening around the bunched fabric of his shirt with her tiny fingers “I’ll be done in a couple of ticks. I must say, I’m quite proud. I know I didn’t bake it, but I haven’t turned it a complete mess yet. Curtis got photos of Korra helping. They’ll look great in the album Lance got for you” “Mum! It’s supposed to be a surprise” “Oops. I’m out of sync with your Earth customs. Last time I was doing this, you were just a small babe. Now eat your pancakes and relax” Lance cut their pancakes for them. His husband feeding him bites as his sister slept on his shoulder. Keith wasn’t exactly sure how to feel about his mother making him a birthday cake. On Daibazaal it never would have happened. Here she was acting like it was the most natural thing in the world. Then there was Lance and Curtis to consider. He didn’t know if they’d planned to decorate his cake while they slept or if the three of them were going to attempt to decorate it together. Teleporting back from wherever he’d been, Kosmo’s whole body started wagging at the sight of pancakes. Sitting beside Lance, he whined until Lance finally looked at him, then used his biggest, widest, puppy-dog eyes on him. Sighing, Lance plucked the top pancake off the pile, rolling it up before passing it over to their fur son “I don’t know if you deserve it. You haven’t wished your father a happy birthday yet” Kosmo didn’t care. His tail only thumped harder as he got up to place both paws on Lance’s leg and nudge at his arm “These are for you father. You’re going to get fat” Yipping as if insulted, Kosmo turned his face away. Picking up the knife to tackle the next pancake, Kosmo broke his false huff lunged in under Lance’s arm, tonguing up the side of the stack as he closed his jaws around the edge and teleported over to munch down on his stolen treat in front of the unlit fireplace. Sighing, Lance threw the knife down on the plate. The clattering sound startling Korra who started to cry. Patting his sister’s back, Keith didn’t know what to do. Shooting a pleading look to Lance, his husband was quick to hold out his hands “You should be able to handle one crying baby, Keith” Ignoring his mother, Keith passed Korra to Lance who took the little girl up in his arms. Placing her on his shoulder, he patted her back softly as he bounced her while hushing her softly. His husband melted his heart all over again. He wasn’t sure how to soothe his sister, yet Lance wasn’t shying away from her cries. Rubbing his cheek against her head, he kissed her beanie as she continued to cry, though not as loud as it had been “That’s a good girl. Yes, it is. I know. That big bad knife scared you, baby girl. Yes, it did. Don’t worry, that knife isn’t going to scare you anymore... shhh... there’s a good girl... I know... I know. It’s your big brother’s birthday today. You can’t even talk yet and you sound just like him. All bark and no bite... you’re probably exhausted my little princess. It’s barely breakfast and you’ve had to serenade us, as well as be completely adorable” Calming Korra down, she drifted off to sleep on Lance’s shoulder. Keith simply staring at the pair of them, wondering if Lance knew what he was doing to his heart. He was so good with children. He didn’t get angry or annoyed with her, instead he was all gentle smiles and love with his little sister. Catching him staring, his husband scrunched his brow “What?” “You look good like that” “Holding Korra? She’s doing all the hard work when it comes to looking good, but you make it look so easy baby girl. What your brother doesn’t know is that having a baby in the house involves a lot more screaming than one short song. When you have a baby you can’t return them to their parents because you are their parents” “You’re still better at this than me” “Keith, babe. You saw the size of my family at Christmas. If you’re not good with babies, then you’re screwed because there’s always some kid around” Keith felt a momentary stab of pain. Yeah. He’d seen Lance’s dozens of relatives... and while he’d in care he’d come across a small child or two, but he didn’t know how to “Dad”... Reaching out, Lance placed his hand on his knee “You’ll get there. You got me through withdrawal. You got me through peopling. You got me through losing Allura and losing everything else. You’ll get through being a dad, because we’re a team, right?” There was a huge difference between a screaming Lance and a screaming baby. Smiling sincerely at him, Keith wasn’t able to stop himself as he surged forward to steal a kiss “I fucking love you” Lance snorted, both of them casting a quick glance to Krolia who seemed lost in the world of cream piping, then back to each other. Lance ducking his head slightly “I love you, too. Do you want to take her back? I need to change” Why did Lance need to change? His husband was better dressed than he was “Are you...?” Lance gave him a sigh, careful to lift Korra off his shoulder and settle her down on Keith’s “I’m leaking. I didn’t think to put nursing pads in my bra” Sliding his chair back, Keith got a good look at Lance’s wet chest. Arousal rushed to pool in his belly, his husband detecting the change in his scent “And this is why we can’t have nice things. I’ll be right back” Lance coming back drew out to 20 minutes where his husband hadn’t returned. Enough time had passed for Curtis to be bringing more pancakes over to the table “I’ll take her, you go check on him” He hadn’t needed to say anything, they both were worried over Lance not coming right back. Not confident in passing Korra, Curtis took her off his shoulder, Keith giving him a nod before heading off to find Lance. Finding Lance wasn’t all that hard. Their bedroom door was open, and sticking his head in he found Lance sitting on their bed, staring down at a small blue onesie that had been part of the pair gifted by Lance’s grandmother “Everything ok, babe?” “Yeah. It fell out when I went to grab my pads out. I was thinking about how small babies are” Walking over to their bed, Keith sat himself down next to his husband. Resting his head on his shoulder, the onesie seemed tiny “Do they come that small?” Lance snorted “Yeah, babe. What happened to Korra?” “Curtis is having cuddles. You’ve been gone a little while” “Had to clean up, then I had to pee, then I to grab my nursing pads out and change my shirt... it’s so much effort” Keith laughed softly, as long as Lance was alright that was the main thing “You’ve gotten so lazy” “I’ve gotten huge. I’m nearly out of clothes you know. If I get any bigger this stomach isn’t going to fit my shirts” “I don’t mind you being shirtless” “In front of Curtis?” “Maybe not” “I had the feeling you’d say that... I prefer wearing shirts, especially now” “Bad body day?” Lance nodded “It’s harder to have a good one. Sorry, it’s your birthday...” Nope. He wasn’t having Lance beating himself over this “It’s fine. I want to understand. Did you and Curtis plan that cake for me?” Lance started folding up the onesie so the small lamb on left breast of the tiny garment was upright “You really notice everything, don’t you?” “If mum...” “Your mum wanted to. I kind of figured that it’d happen with how long I slept for last night... We were going to surprise you in the morning. But it’s fine, she’s your mum and Korra helped too. It’s a nice memory” “You’re not sad?” “A bit, but today is about you. I want you to have a really good birthday. I mean, it’s better than last years...” “Yeah, well, no ones trying to kill us now. Plus, we’re going to be dads soon...” Trying to inject enthusiasm in his tone failed when Lance turned to him, his husband placing the onesie in his lap “You are going to be an amazing father. I know you’re scared, I’m scared too. I’m terrified something will go wrong at the last moment. That I’m going to drop a baby. Or that I’m just going... that I’m not going to be able to cope after giving birth. But you. I know you’re going to smash it out of the park. Because everything you put your heart and soul into doing, you always smash it out. You’ve always been a fighter, babe. You’ve got this” “Do I?” “You do. It’s like when you became Black Paladin. You didn’t think you could do it, but I did. Until Blade work got in the way...” Hadn’t Lance given him enough shit for it at the time? “I remember missing a certain Razzle-Dazzle routine...” “And I remember missing my only friend... I’m going to get depressed if we keep talking about it. My point is, you’re stronger than you let yourself believe. I love you. They’re going to love you” Cutting himself off to take a breath, Lance pushed that smile he disliked to his lips. Keith letting him get away with it simply because his husband realised he’d stepped on one of his own triggers so had promptly tried to move past it before he became stuck on it. Lifting the onesie, Keith traced over the embroidered sheep with his thumb “I’m scared of how small they’re going to be” “Me too... I hope they look like you” “No. I hope they look like you” “Are you kidding me? You’re the whole package. With your stupidly perfect hair and those eyes... I can’t say no to those eyes. Plus, you’ve got a nicer nose than I do” “What’s wrong with your nose?” “I like yours better?” “I think you’re cuter” Lance rolled his eyes at him “We’re going to get stuck here with you not admitting you’re gorgeous as you call me beautiful, and then, before we know it, your birthday is going to be over. Come on, Daddy Keith...” Plucking the onesie from his hand, Lance sat it down in the bedside table. Keith taking his hand as he stood “Alright, Daddy Lance. You’re still beautiful” “You’re an idiot. A soppy loved up idiot” “Mhmm... your idiot though” “Yep. And I’ll shoot anyone who says otherwise in the foot” “Babe, you can’t shoot everyone you don’t like” “We’ll have to agree to disagree” Keith knew he shouldn’t encourage Lance when it came to shooting people. His husband may act like he had no problem with it, especially with the number of people he’d killed, but he knew that the weight of what he’d done weighed on him heavily. If Lance did shoot someone else, then part of him would break beyond repair... Still, it was nice to know his husband was as possessive of him as he was of Lance. Lance loving and wanting him was the best present he could ever ask for. “There you two are. We thought you might have gone back to bed!” In their short absence Krolia had finished decorating the cake. The pile of pancakes were half gone. A broke plate lay on the floor, and Kosmo was nowhere to be seen. Having moved his presents to the kitchen table, Keith supposed it was a subtle hint to open them. Trying to pull Lance into his lap, his husband smacked his grabby hands away “Nope. You need to unwrap your presents, not me” “Can’t I do both?” Lance pouted, hands on his as he stared down at him “Aren’t you two worn out from last night and this morning?” Lance immediately blushed deep red, trapping his bottom lip in his teeth in embarrassment. Keith shot his mother a glare that Krolia shrugged off. Curtis hadn’t told them that they were being too loud... so why must he suffer the embarrassment of his mother doing so “Muuuum. Not cool” “You were up quite late...” Pointing at her with his right pointer finger, he grabbed Lance’s hand with his left hand. His threat deadly serious “If you say one more thing about our sex life, I’ll be taking my presents and my husband, and we’ll be spending my birthday in our bedroom” “Relax, I’m only teasing you both” “It’s ok, Keith. Open your presents. Krolia already told you mine, so save that one for last” He’d wanted to open his husband’s first, purely because it was from his husband. He was annoyed his mother had ruined the surprise, but he’d be lying if it hadn’t spiked his curiosity over what could possibly be in the album. Having all this attention on him wasn’t unpleasant, yet it also wasn’t all that pleasant. He didn’t know what facial expression he was supposed to make, or what he was supposed to say “Fine, move your chair and sit next to me” “You’re such a big baby” “Yep. Now sit down next to me” “Only because it’s your birthday, and I’m feeling generous” Keith laughed lightly at the way Lance threw his words back at him “Oh, merciful husband of mine, won’t you sit beside me” Wrinkling his nose, Lance poked out his tongue “Too far. You ruined it. Scooch over so I can fit?” “Deal” From Curtis he received a mug. Curtis looked slightly apologetic, but it did have Red on it, so it was instantly elevated above a normal mug. He’d also brought him a new black leather jacket with red trimming on the inside pocket. The choice screamed Lance more than Curtis’s shopping style. Lance had probably been going to gift it to him, then told Curtis to do so. Curtis didn’t know his sense of taste with clothing... which was pretty much “if it was clean and it fitted, it’d do”. His mother had a new Luxite blade for him, three colours woven into the design. Purple for Krolia, pink for Korra, and aqua for Kolivan, to remind him of his family on Daibazaal. Korra had gifted him what looked like a Kosmo plushy, and a “best big brother shirt”. Krolia insisted that he wear the shirt, while holding his sister on his shoulder and his new blade in his hand so she could send a picture to Kolivan. Keith was already in position before he thought to object to being bossed around. Lance found it all funny, his objections died in his throat as the sight of his husband’s smile. Knowing he was biased, his best presents came from his boys and his husband... and Curtis. Confined to the cabin, Keith had no idea when Lance and Curtis had had time to plan their presents... even when the third one taking Lance by surprise. Sliding what he knew to the album from Lance towards him, when he’d picked the present up, there’d been a second beneath it with Curtis’s neat handwriting across the tag. Drawing his brow, Curtis laughed at his facial expression “It’s for both of you. It’s also from Shiro. I may have also added to your present Lance...” Lance leaned past him to reply to Curtis “Should we be worried?” “Not really. You don’t have to open it right now, if you don’t want to” “Is it dirty? Or wrestling related?” “Lance, not everything I touch is wrestling related” “No... sometimes you touch Shiro” Curtis spluttered, the poor man covering his face with his both hands as he leaned heavily on the table “Babe, I think you broke him” “I think I broke him too. Open it already, I want to know what’s inside” “I want to open yours first” “Spoil sport” From Lance it was a beautiful album, a little clumsy where he’d decorated the from by hand in diamanté’s spelling out “Our Twins”. Inside was photos of Lance at various stages of his pregnancy. His baby bump as it grew, as well as the ultrasound photos, and a small pocket for the drive containing the videos. Flicking through, he could tell the last few photos were taken by Curtis. There were photos of Lance’s growing bump, Lance napping, Lance sleeping with his belly showing, and naturally photos of Kosmo and Lance. Some were of the pair of them both sleeping, some where of Kosmo resting with his head on Lance’s swollen stomach as Lance rubbed the spot between his ears. In one he had his paws on the bump with his tongue lolling out as he gazed up at Lance “I hope you don’t mind. I know you weren’t in the mood for photos when I picked you up. Some of them came from Marco, that lifted off the security feed in the outpost. Most of the selfies I lifted from your comms when you were sleeping after you told me you wanted to make Keith an album. In the album I’m gifting you, it’s got photos from the tour. So it’s not just of you. Shiro helped by providing the coordinates to match where they were taken. Miriam also sent through copies of photos from Christmas” Unlike his husband, he wasn’t quite so quick to cry, but he felt incredibly overwhelmed seeing Lance’s pregnancy progression carefully displayed with love and care. They’d received so much support from their friends. Keith had no way of ever paying them back for what they’d done for them. Pulled into a tight hug by his husband, Keith buried his face against Lance’s neck. On the night of the explosion, he could have lost all of this and he’d never have seen his boys born. He’d never been able to hold Lance again. See him smile or laugh. He never wanted to be in a situation like that again. He didn’t want his husband worrying that he’d never come home. That he’d widow him with two young boys to raise. He wouldn’t be going on another mission. Not when he had the future with Lance that he’d always wanted right in front of him. He didn’t know what he’d do as he transitioned, only that it’d be something low key and something that wouldn’t take him from his husband’s side. He wanted to give Lance everything he could “Keith?” “Let’s do it... let’s get married again... When we’re here, back on Earth with them... I want to do it. I want everyone to see you...” “Babe, we don’t have to get married again. I’m happy with you. I liked our first marriage” “I’m happy with you too... but we can... with everyone. With Mami and Jorge... and all your family... That big white wedding you always wanted. It might take a while, but I want it. I want you” “You’re an idiot. You’ve already got me” “I love you... I love them...” “I know you do. I know, babe. You ready to open your presents from our boys?” “I want to stay like this a little longer” “Ok, whatever you need. I’ve got you” From his boys he was gifted cheesy gifts that were so Lance. A tiny shirt that said “I asked my dad, but he told me to ask my father”, another saying “stuck in an infinite loop of dad jokes”. Lance had also found him a pretty blade made of metal he couldn’t recognise, tilting it small dots appeared. He wasn’t exactly a rocket scientist in intelligence, so didn’t realise the whole blade was decorated with small galaxies and stars. Curtis was quick to scold him as all weapons were supposed to be kept in a safe, where as Lance had to have had that in his possession since his arrival. His husband shrugged it off, entirely unapologetic for his gift. It seemed to Keith that most of the weaponry he had been collecting now came from his husband rather his own desire to seek it out. Lance paid ridiculously close attention to everything he said. He’d mentioned liking a pendant he’d seen at a market stall on one of the planets they’d toured. Sure enough, it was carefully and loving wrapped in the small pile, though now from their boys instead of his husband. It was thoughtful and completely Lance’s style to spoil him, despite his husband being the one who deserved to be spoilt rotten. His boys had also gifted him games for his hand held, with a little note reminding him of the sleepless nights to come. By the time he finally finished opening everything, it was already pushing lunch time. Cleaning up the table, they were shooed to the sofa where Keith was finally allowed to have his husband in his lap... kind of. Lance wasn’t feeling comfortable with his stomach, so the concession was his husband laying with his feet in his lap while Keith thumbed through the album from Curtis. He kind of felt a little stalked as he looked at the candid photos of him Lance. Their smiles private, only for each other as they danced, not that he remembered dancing, but obviously it had. With the pressure bearing down on them to appear perfect, he really had forgotten some of the best moments of the tour. Like Lance sneezing and scaring the group of aliens near them. His face was all wrinkled up in the photos while the aliens looked ready to run. Them eating some weird alien ice cream that wasn’t really ice cream but Lance had begged him to let him try it. Lance in those sheer robes they’d been gifted, hands on his stomach with a slight blush on his face as he realised Keith was staring at him. Then there were the Christmas photos. Lance dressed up, helping hand out presents. His husband in his lap for a not so child-friendly kiss. Him receiving his present. Lance kissing his cheek while Keith blushed. Nadia and Sylvio hanging off the pair of them. Shiro having his hand swatted at by Curtis as he attempted to grab another cookie. Keith meeting Lance’s grandparents. “Anything interesting in there?” Tapping his feet together, Lance was bored and attempting to get his attention “A few things...” “It’s not fair. My stomach’s in the way” Lance was attempting to peer over his stomach, the position couldn’t possible be comfortable “You’re going to hurt your back like that” “Joke’s on you, it already hurts” Closing the album, Keith balanced it on the arm of the chair. Lifting Lance’s legs off him, he grabbed his husband’s hand, pulling him to sit. Blinking, his husband paled, blood dribbling slowly from his nose “Quiznak... hang on” Climbing to his feet, Keith jogged over time the kitchen, watching his husband over his shoulder in case Lance collapsed “Got up too fast...” “Hold still. Your nose is bleeding” Lance hadn’t seemed to notice until his fingertips brushed under his nose, his mouth forming a small “o”. Retrieving a handful of paper towel from kitchen, he was halfway back when there was knock on the cabin door. Whoever it was could wait until Curtis opened the door. Crouching down in front of Lance, Keith held the paper towel up to his husband’s nose, Lance taking over so his whole face wasn’t hidden behind the wad “I’m fine. You don’t have to look at me like that” “Like what?” “Like it’s something more than a bit off dizziness and a blood nose” “You’re really pale, babe. I don’t want you to have a seizure...” “Keith, I’m not about to have a seizure. I’ve got that thing in the back of my head for those” Lance didn’t... he didn’t seem well. Not simply dizzy from moving too fast. He was pale and sweaty, each time he started to slump a fraction he’d jolt back upright “I’m still allowed to worry” “Nope... Oh! Hey, Pigeon! C-Coran!? What are you doing here?!” “I’ll “pigeon” all over your arse! What do you think we were doing here?! Someone had to celebrate this loser’s birthday! Don’t tell me you two are being gross already?” Keith’s instincts told him to protect Lance from their “intruders”. His husband bopping him on the head as he growled. Pidge didn’t care about his growl, her arms filled by a giant wrapped box. Carrying it over she placed it down on the coffee table, kicking him lightly on the arse as he did “Happy Birthday. This is from Hunk and Shay. My arms are dead, thanks for the help Curtis! You’ve had plenty of time to move your cabin closer to the camping area!” Curtis gave a deep laugh “Don’t be like that, Katie. I saw the hover trolley. I know you didn’t have to carry that box the whole way” Pidge hissed at the use of her actual name, Keith saw her start to flip Curtis off before putting on the face an angel, all smiley on the lips and all schemey in the eyes. Keith was sure she’d have her revenge before she left “That doesn’t mean that box wasn’t heavy. Anyway, losers. I’m here now. Don’t tell me keith gave you a blood nose...” It wouldn’t be the first he had, nightmares and flailing limbs sometimes wound up in accidents “Ha ha. No. I didn’t give my husband a blood nose. What’s in the box?” “I don’t know, birthday boy. You’re going to have to stop being so gay for Lance and check it for yourself” “Like you haven’t already sussed it out. I know you better than that” “Nope. It’s a surprise. Hunk warned me I wasn’t allowed to peek” “That makes a first” Seeing she “couldn’t” flip Curtis off, Pidge flipped him off. Lance gave a small laugh that he failed to turn into a covering cough. Keith had thought his husband would be more on edge with Pidge present, but he seemed to be fine with her and Coran visiting without notice. Quiznak. Coran... The poor man was hovering near the sofa “Coran. Thanks for coming. You didn’t have to” “Hush, my boy. It’s your birthday...” He was there for the both of him, but could see the way he was staring at Lance with concern in his eyes. His present shifting from one hand to another as he rocked on his heels “... We had a good season with the junipers this year. It’s a fine vintage” Did that mean he was being gifted Nunvil? God, he hoped it wasn’t nunvil... nothing fucked him up quite like nunvil “Thanks, Coran. You can put that on the table if you like” As Coran turned to do just that, Pidge launches herself up “You snooze you’re loose” Claiming the side closest to the fireplace on the sofa, Pidge grinned across at Coran. Keith wanted to sit back beside his husband, but that’d make them a seat short. He kind of felt rude telling Coran to sit on the coffee table... Coran would wave it off. His mother wouldn’t be impressed, Lance would be awkward about it, not thinking about his back as he volunteered his seat. Lance’s back was the only reason he was holding himself back from hefting Lance into his lap. Fuck. He had to be responsible “I’ll grab another chair, why don’t you sit beside Lance, Coran?” Pidge’s smugness fell, her victory of scoring the free spot next to Lance was for nothing. Lance wiped off the last of the blood, Keith taking the paper towel from him as he went to be a “responsible adult” “I promise I’m not contagious, just pregnant” Watching over his shoulder, he wasn’t jealous at all. Nope. Just be sure it was his birthday, and they were taking what should be his spot... he wasn’t jealous at all... “That wouldn’t worry me one bit, my boy. How are you feeling?” Sitting beside Lance, Lance moved everything so slightly away from Coran. Throwing out the bloodied paper towel, Keith grabbed a chair and lugged it over to the living area. As he sat, he couldn’t help noticing there was forced space between their two friends... maybe opting to grab a chair from the dining area had been a bad idea “Tired, but ok. A little confused, but I’m happy to see you both. After the way Pidge grumbled about the walk, I didn’t think she’d be in any hurry to rush back here” Pidge playfully shoved Lance’s arm, Lance grimacing at the touch. Instead of being offended she simply rolled her eyes “That’s because Coran brought another gift, and you’re both technology challenged. Annnnd, someone has to connect you guys with all our friends” That went right over Lance’s head, his lover seemed more interested in what Coran had brought. Maybe he was hoping it was a gift they could both partake in “Another gift?” Sliding off her shoulder bag, Pidge grabbed her laptop out. Keith hadn’t even noticed she’d be sporting the shoulder bag. He hadn’t wanted to admit it, but he seemed to be less observant when it came to the world around them. Lance held so much of his focus that Curtis could walk around the cabin naked and he wouldn’t notice if it didn’t directly affect his husband “Perhaps it’s better we show you. Keith, you’re not going to want to miss this” Keith was clueless as to what was happening. He was sitting, leaning on Hunk’s mystery gift as Pidge connected her laptop to the TV. Curtis had grabbed them a round of drinks, while Krolia had settled down with Korra in her lap. All eyes were on the screen, other than his that were on Coran and Lance. Lance was leaning back, Coran holding a holopad of sorts that he was tapping on. Keith assumed it was something to do with what Pidge was up to, and it proved to kind of be, just not in the way he thought “Now, feast your eyes upon the minions!” Making her proclamation with a wave of her hand, blue light glowed from beneath the holopad, Lance’s gasping as their twins came up on the screen. Reaching over him, Pidge held her hand up for a high-five, then was left hanging for few very long ticks. Coran seemed quite proud of himself when he realised he was leaving her hanging an high-fived her back. Keith didn’t give two shits about the pair of them. His eyes wide... no way... He didn’t have words... practically tongue tied as he stuttered out “A-Are t-they...?” “Admit it, we’re the best friends you ever had. Portable scanners exist, but this one is a Pidge and Coran special for your birthday. Holy quiznak! Look how big they are! Dude, you have people in your stomach!” Their twins were so much bigger than he remembered them being. Their tiny hands were real hands. Their noses actual noses... and faces... and their feet. He could see their toes... heck, he could see their eyelids and little lips... “Holy fuck... Would you look at that” Curtis summed it up perfectly. No one scolded him, Krolia following up “You look nearly full term... how far along are you supposed to be?” Keith wasn’t sure, half-heartedly throwing over his shoulder “30 weeks?” His mother hummed. Keith ignoring the sound in favour of watching their boys, both looked upside to him... were they supposed to be pointing downwards? He was sorry to say, but this had become his favourite birthday present. Watching their boys move, he wanted to see if he could see the movement under Lance’s skin. His husband wouldn’t be comfortable with that... maybe he could ask Coran if they could borrow the scanner “Dude, can you feel them kicking your ribs?” “Yeah...” “That’s so weird” “Thanks, Pidge” “Not bad weird. I mean, look at my minions...” “I told you before, if you want minions you have to do nappies” “You can’t pass your crappy jobs onto me” Lance groaned. Keith still let this all wash over him. His boys were so big now... Had his father had this with Krolia? Probably not... the shack was pretty isolated and his mother couldn’t exactly go to the hospital... “Keith, are you ok?” Reaching out to him, Coran placed his hand on Keith’s shoulder, the half-Galra jumping at the touch. Keith wasn’t sure if he was ok. They were... they were perfect. He wanted to do everything in his might to protect them... How could anyone hurt a kid? Sure, some kids were absolute shits, and some parents were even worse, but... fuck... “I need a moment... sorry, guys” “Keith...” Ignoring his mother, Keith fled from the living room. He could hear Lance telling Krolia to stay, not to follow him out onto the veranda because he knew what this was about. His mother wasn’t impressed. Krolia may have seen his memories... Lance... Lance hadn’t, yet it was easier to talk to him because he hadn’t... He wasn’t his parent, he was his lover. Every bit of Lance accepted him the way he was. Lance wrapped his arm around him as Keith leaned on the veranda railing. Kissing his shoulder, his husband didn’t push for an explanation. Letting him find the words for what he wanted to say by himself. Pushing lightly off the railing, Keith turned into the hold. Breathing in his husband’s scent, Keith told himself to calm down. His nails had turned to claws as he’d gripped the railing, Lance should have been scared of the way he looked, but his husband was holding him as if they’d been born to do this. He wasn’t the people who’d hurt him. He wasn’t the teen lashing out, angry and confused about who he was and his place in the universe. Here he was, with the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The man that could irritate the absolute quiznak out of like there was no tomorrow, but he was also the love of his life. Who’d taught him all kind of things about himself. Who was always there to support him... “I’m sorry” Lance kissed his temple “Babe, it’s ok. You’re ok. I could see it all over your face. You’re allowed to miss your dad. You’re allowed to worry about the future” “I... think I had a moment” “You did. I thought you’d prefer me than the others. That was a pretty “wow” moment for both of us. I totally didn’t expect that to be happening today” Nosing are Lance’s collarbone, Keith nipped lightly at his husband’s necklace chain. It was in the way of where he wanted to kiss. Keith wasn’t sure what to say. He loved seeing his boys. He loved that he got to see them again after so long... When he didn’t find his words, Lance continued “Yeah... They’re... Let’s say I’m a bit more scared about them coming out of me than I was. They... my butt hurts at the idea of how big their heads and shoulders are when compared to my... well, yeah... I guess we know why I’m so fat” “You’re not fat, babe. I’m sorry... they... Quiznak. They’re amazing” Seeing them in 3D... seeing their faces... They looked so... so incredible “It was the first time you’d seen them since my birthday. You’re allowed to need a moment. You don’t need to be sorry for anything. You’re going to be an amazing father. I know it. You’re father would be so proud of you. So proud of you... I’m proud of you” “Thank you. I don’t understand how people can hurt children...” “I don’t either, baby. But whatever happens, we’ll figure it out. I’ve got your back” Keith pulled back, Lance’s moving to cup his face as he kissed him sweetly. His husband nuzzling against his nose until Keith finally agreed “I know you do. Let’s head back in” “Yeah. You need to open that box from Hunk and Shay. The suspense is killing me here. I feel like it’s going to be food, but then there’s that mystery... like maybe it isn’t food... but maybe it is... who knows what’s in the box” Snorting, Keith shook his head. Pidge and Lance were both as bad as each other, though he’d bet good GAC that Pidge had peaked “We can’t have that. I feel like if it’s Hunk, it has to be food” “Oooh maybe he sent more of those cupcakes... they were sooo good” “Or maybe he sent himself to check up on us?” Lance laughed, Keith happy to play along with the mystery, even if the suggestion was completely impractical “If they’d had to wheel it in, I would totally be behind that theory... but Pidge was carrying it... unless... If he found a way to make himself lighter... Oh, God! Hunk could be trapped in the box” “You’re such an idiot” Lance nodded, sounding proud as he bragged “Yep. I get it from my husband. You should meet him. He’s the idiot to my idiot” Snorting again, Keith would never tire of the way Lance always managed to make him feel like the most loved person in existence “He sounds amazing. I bet he’s good looking and great in bed” “He is. He’s hands down the most handsome man I’m married to. But he’s also this great big grizzled softy that loves cuddles. Don’t tell him I said that though. He’s got this whole “emo brooding bad arse” thing going on. It’s hot as hell” “Your secret’s safe with me” “Awesome. Gotta protect this reputation of mine. Can’t have him knowing how much I adore him, or how happy I am to have him in my life” “I know for a fact he feels the same way about his husband. He’s told me how much he adores you, and how incredibly proud he is when it comes to you... but don’t tell him I said that” “I’ll keep your secret if you keep mine?” “Deal” Catching a glance at each other’s faces, they both shared a small laugh. Lance moulding into his side as they turned to head back inside the cabin. Keith wasn’t sure what was coming next, but thanks to his husband he felt sure he could handle it. * The mystery of the box was solved. Hunk had sent enough food for a small army. All of it allergen free, and all of it apparently good in some way for Lance’s pregnancy. Lance seemed a little disappointed there weren’t cupcakes, but that only lasted as long as it took to find home made caramel slice neatly packed towards the bottom of the box. Claimed by his husband, Keith didn’t have the heart to take it away from him. Pidge was the only one to take a piece of the slice when Lance offered it around, everyone else could see how excited Lance was over it, whereas Pidge simply didn’t care. The gremlin was setting up the group call for his birthday, after sending the video of their boys through to Miriam. Miriam would be part of the group call, as would Lance’s team. This was supposed to be for him, to celebrate his birthday, but the previous day Lance had fallen asleep while Mami had talked. His husband was missing his mother something chronic, he’d realised that during his chat with Shiro, now he’d be awake to see her. While they’d been out on the veranda, Coran had moved to sit in the recliner that Curtis had been in, he now had Korra sleeping on his shoulder. His mother, Curtis and Pidge were sitting on the sofa, leaving the recliner for him and Lance. He hadn’t wanted to hurt his husband’s back, but the slice had perked him up. Lance now snuggled up in his lap with the fudge sitting on his belly. Shiro was the first person Pidge called, his adoptive brother was a gushing mess over the video of their twins. Curtis didn’t help by being just as gushing over the whole thing, and their roles as godparents to the boys. It hadn’t registered but this was the first scan Curtis had seen in person. The first time he got to experience the joy that came with each scan. They’d seen the features of their boys in scans before, but not with the twins looking so... human. So close to being born... He wasn’t sure how much more human they could possibly be, or how much more they could possibly need to grow before they were born. He’d have to consult their baby book. Lance wouldn’t be going into labour here. Maybe another month, then they’d have to leave their temporary home. Plus, Curtis had to be coming to an end of his leave soon. They wouldn’t be able to stay here without his presence... The idea of leaving their “bubble” wasn’t appealing in the slightest. Lance was still healing emotionally. He was still learning to accept that he’d soon be giving birth, or rather, soon he’d be a father to their little boys. The less stress between now and then, the better. Having them call was better for Lance, also better for him and his stupid secondary instincts. Keith quietly proud of how he’d kept his jealousy in check for the most part. There’d been no yelling, or accusations... He hadn’t put his foot in it, and didn’t intend to now. Letting Shiro and Curtis do most of the talking, Keith was happy to watch his adopted brother be himself and be a total idiot over Korra. As far as babies went, she hadn’t kept them up all night with her crying, and her serenades weren’t completely terrible. The real chaos of the day didn’t start until Pidge connected everyone else into the conversation. It soon turned into everyone trying to wish him a happy birthday, or make a joke about how he was going to be a father soon, so he and Lance had to get their act together. Lance managed a few words here and there, Pidge and Hunk getting into an argument over whether or not she peaked in the box ahead of time. Pidge stuck to her guns, swearing she hadn’t, nor had she scanned the box to determine its contents. The fact that she supplied that counter argument lead him to believe she had. Given that Hunk, Shay, and Shiro were still technically at work, they were the first of the group to sign off. Shay was extremely shy about wishing him a happy birthday, managing to get the words out just before the call disconnected. Shiro promised he’d be in touch soon, but that was probably in the form of him calling Curtis as they’d talked the night before... and possibly a call later to see how Lance faired after talking to everyone. There’d been a small flare where the topic of conversation was how big Lance had gotten, much to his husband’s misery. Sure, he’d started to relax again one the conversation had moved past his belly, but his upset was clogged in Keith’s nose. The caramel slice discarded the second he became the focus of things. The Cuban was also sitting a little stiffer in his hold, his face hidden against Keith’s cheek as he clammed up. Lance hadn’t said “red”, nor had he escaped the conversation by saying he needed the bathroom. Having his hands on the container the slice had been in, kept them from wandering to scratch at the inside of either wrist. The next three to sign off were Acxa, Zethrid and Ezor. All of them repeatedly telling him how lazy he was for relaxing at the cabin while they were stuck with the trainees. When they’d left the call, Veronica had joined. Miriam was fast to scold her oldest daughter the moment Veronica went to enquire about Lance’s pregnancy. Marco laughing hard until Daehra shoved him off his seat and ruined his image in front of his family. Daehra also had a few choice words for the pair of them. Him because he was letting Lance work from the cabin when he should be concentrating on his pregnancy. Lance because he hadn’t called Annla, and the pint sized Princess wasn’t impressed with either of them over it. The request to call was also accompanied by the request for pictures of Kosmo. Keith felt slightly “used” as she was only wanted photos of his wolf and not his perfect twin boys. She was getting both, whether she wanted them or not. Daehra also wanted a copy of Lance’s scan for her medical files. With how his husband was feeling, that’d have to wait until he’d recharged his courage. Veronica seemed to scare Lance more than Krolia’s arrival. He didn’t think anything had happened that was out the ordinary, but he’d been out of it after the explosion so would probably need to ask Curtis for the truth there. And, it wasn’t like Lance was ghosting her. He did reply to his messages. It might take a few hours, or day’s depending on who it was, but he did reply. With the outpost to run, Daehra swapped out with Lucteal who wished him a happy birthday. Lance perked up enough to tease him about the hickey on his neck. Lucteal’s face turning bright red at the mention of Yule. This led to Marco being elbowed in the ribs as he pulled a total Lance and started gossiping about how Yule had come to the outpost for some part, and how Lucteal had been totally jealous when Tobias had cooked for her. Both he and Zak passed on their wishes, yet Keith was sure they didn’t actually know or really care. Lance’s team were happy, and he knew that made his husband happy, but he also knew that Lance was devastated that he wasn’t there to witness it all. As Marco and Lucteal devolved into wrestling, Lucteal attempting to silence a Marco who wouldn’t be silenced, wetness smeared against his cheek. Lance shaking was he started nosing into him in an attempt to find comfort that his arms around his husband wasn’t providing. For Lance to last this long made him proud. With Miriam scolding both men in the background, Keith caught Curtis’s attention. Being the guest of honour in the whole thing, and being as socially competent as a barnacle on the bottom of a sunken wreck, Keith wasn’t sure how to politely bring things to a close. When it’d been the 8 of them, he could take the moment. Now it was 11 of them and he felt awkward leaving Mami. Lucteal and Marco’s feeling didn’t matter as much to him as they’d be fine. Mami was Mami. She was stuck in Cuba worrying for her pregnant son, knowing that Lance had had an off day the day before. He didn’t want her to worry, not when this was clearly from Lance being overwhelmed by so many thoughts, feelings and emotions brought on by seeing their friends again. Without a working clock in front him, Keith could only assume they’d been talking for at least the last 3 hours. He wasn’t even sure there was anything left to say. They’d wished him a happy birthday. They’d gushed over his boys... and now they all had jobs to go back to. If he was exhausted from them all, then Lance had to be near on passed out. Plus, his husband hadn’t gone that long without needing a bathroom break in time since he’d arrived. Curtis being, as Lance liked to call him, “Space Dad 2.0”, he was quick to assess the situation. Whispering to Pidge, Pidge have a quick nod at his words, disconnecting Lucteal and Marco from the chat, then Veronica who’d started talking to Miriam and Krolia, sending a short burst of static through the line before she did. Once again, Keith was in awe of her tech skills, and just a little bit scared over how easily it was for her to cut the call like it didn’t matter. Sensing something was up, Miriam was polite as she waved them off. Sending her love and making them promise to keep her up to date with everything happening there. Krolia’s comms rang less than 30 seconds after the call disconnected, his mother bullshitting her way out to the veranda with a bold face lie that it was the coalition. Unlike her usual prying self, Pidge made herself look busy as Curtis came over to them. Keith hadn’t realised but Coran had fallen asleep sometime after Shiro, Hunk, and Shay had disconnected. Both he and Korra dead to the world, still cuddled up together. Taking the container from Lance’s hands, Curtis placed it on the coffee table before placing his hand on Lance’s shoulder “Lance, are you ok?” When his husband didn’t reply immediately, Keith replied for him “I think he’s reached his people limit for now” Letting out a soft sob, Lance shook his head “I’m sorry...” Lance didn’t need to be sorry “Shhhh. It’s ok. Our friends don’t know when to shut up” “I... I need to use the bathroom...” “That’s perfectly fine, Lance. Keith can go with you” “I’m sorry” Curtis squeezed Lance’s shoulder softly, his smile didn’t waver at all “Honestly, I wasn’t the reason for the call, but as Keith said, and maybe not as harshly, our friends really don’t know when to be quiet. I’m not sure what we were talking about by the end of it” His husband dropped to a rough whisper. Keith realising that the whole time they’d been wrapped up in the conversation, he’d taken a sip of his drink but hadn’t thought to give anything to Lance. He was also pretty numb across the thighs and arse, his husband most probably in agony from holding the pose for so long “I... had an accident...” Curtis made an “ah” sound, Keith wasn’t completely convinced Lance had. He hadn’t felt anything “Not to worry. You and Keith take as long as you need. I saw you falling asleep there. If you want to take a nap...” Lance continued his mumbling “Pidge and Coran...” “We can make up extra beds. It’s not a big deal. Or they can head back with Krolia later tonight. There’s still an hour and a half until dinner if you want to take a nap” “You’ll wake us?” “I promise. I should also look for Kosmo. He hasn’t been back since he was scolded for stealing pancakes this morning” It was suspiciously silent without Kosmo there to steal their food. He hadn’t noticed much more than the occasional urge to swap Lance sitting in this lap to his husband sitting between his legs “I didn’t even notice he’d disappeared again. Lance, babe, lets clean up and take a nap” Standing under the spray of the shower, Keith washed his husband’s body for him. He wasn’t sure why his husband hadn’t told him that. Soaping up Lance’s shoulders, his husband was leaning against the wall, asleep on his feet as he chewed on his lip. Kissing the place he’d just scrubbed over, Keith wanted to understand “Lance, why didn’t you tell me?” “Hmmm?” “You didn’t tell me... about... That you needed the bathroom” “I didn’t want to make a scene” “That’s not making a scene. How long... how long were you holding back from saying anything?” “Why should it matter? I’m fine... all I want is to go nap with you” Nipping at Lance’s shoulder, his husband swatted at him. This would have to be a short shower. Lance needed both his and Curtis’s support to make it to the bathroom due to his back, and the pain down his leg “It matters to me. I don’t want you to be uncomfortable. I’m sorry that I didn’t notice” “You weren’t supposed to...” Keith felt a stab of something akin to anger that Lance would hide something from him. He wouldn’t have made a big deal out of it, or a scene. The could have covered it with a white lie, or he could have covered while Lance went to the bathroom “Why? Why wouldn’t you tell me? There’s nothing embarrassing about using the bathroom” “Keith...” “I don’t get it... You shouldn’t have been sitting there like that. When did it happen?” “Keith...” “Babe. When did it happen?” Mumbling and sniffling, Lance sadly answered “Not long after Shiro left the call. I’m sorry... I’m so sorry...” “Babe! That was... for that long... why didn’t you tell me” Lance jumped at “Babe!”, Keith supposing he had been a bit forceful with the word “I didn’t want you to be angry... I thought you were mad...” “What no? Why would I be mad? I’m a little mad you didn’t tell me, but we both know you’re heavily pregnant and these small accidents happen” “But... it’s your birthday. Everyone should have been here with you. Or you with them. Instead, you’re in the middle of nowhere with me... I didn’t want to ruin your birthday! I wanted it to be perfect for you” Hanging the shower puff back around the cold tap, Keith then wrapped his arm around his husband “It’s perfect because I’m here with you. That’s all I need” “But it’s not what you deserve! You deserve the best birthday ever. With everyone celebrating the fact you exist, because you existing is the best thing ever” “Honestly, I was over the call thing before Shiro left the conversation. You’re not the only one who felt overwhelmed. My team was thinking of visiting, and having an actual party here, but I chose this instead. I chose this because all I wanted was to spend the day with my husband. That’s a perfect day to me. I know you had plans for us, and I didn’t want you to be upset by the change of plans” “You shouldn’t have to change your plans around me. I want you to have your own life. To have your own friends... I want you to make memories with them, not just with me...” “I didn’t “have” to do anything. I did it because it’s what I wanted. I want to spend this time with you. Without the fuss of a huge birthday. Birthday’s are hard for me, like Christmas is. I’m still learning to be okay with them. And I’m learning that maybe I am okay with them when I have you with me. You don’t need to punish yourself over an accident. You don’t need to hate yourself or think you need to be uncomfortable like it’s some kind of earned punishment” “But... but I fucked up. I couldn’t talk to them all properly” “You did. You were already tired before the call. We both could have used a nap to recharge. Also... I’m not good with people and words. You being there helped me” “You’re not as bad as you think. Everyone loves you. We all love you... I’m sorry I messed up” If Lance apologised one more time, Keith was going to melt down the drain hole due to the guilt he felt over the incident. For hours, or at least a good hour, his husband had hidden his accident thinking it’d be the best thing... His confidence had taken a hard knock with Krolia being there, and again when their friends had mentioned his stomach. Not only had Lance wet himself, he’d also been sitting through a damp bra. Keith was sure the wet fabric against his nipples hadn’t felt great thanks to the small leak “No more apologising. It’s my birthday and I say no more” “I’m... I wanted it to be perfect. Curtis and I were going to do the cake... and then... I thought we could make lunch together. Nothing fancy... You looked so happy when you cooked me lunch and I thought “yeah, we could totally come up with something together”. I mean... I wanted to you know, try cooking before then and I did plan that before you made eggs... I know I shouldn’t make plans... I only get down over them. I... I really wanted you to be happy” “I am. I am with you” “But that’s another thing. You have obligations outside of staying here. Your team mentioned it. You should be training. Practicing your Blade skills and keeping in contact with everyone. I want you to have a life outside helping me cope” “I do have a life” He was technically recovering, which he could have done back on Daibazaal, but he’d made the choice for himself that he wanted to be by Lance’s side above everything “You’ve been so focused on me. I want you to do something for you. Only for you. I want you to be selfish. I want you to ask me for things... I want you... I want you to...” “You want me to what?” “I don’t want to be a burden... I don’t want to shackle you down” Coaxing Lance to turn in his hold, his husband’s brilliant blue eyes were far too wet for his liking “You are not a burden. I’m here because I want to be with you. I want you to feel safe and I want you to relax as much as possible before your c-section. Ok. And it’s nice here with just the three of us. There’s no pressure on me to be Krolia’s son, or to be a senior Blade member. I’m here because I want to take care of my family” “But you’re missing out on stuff...” “That stuff couldn’t be anywhere near as important as being with you and our boys” “But... what about Daibazaal? You were so passionate about making the universe see you guys as something more than Zarkon’s legacy” “We fulfilled our obligations with the tour. I know it’s been weeks for you, but to me I’m still coming off the tour. I’m not... I don’t want to work. I want to enjoy being with you. All that other stuff can wait” “Don’t you miss them? Your team? Shiro?” “I do. But they’re all just a call away. I would rather be here with you missing them, than out there with them missing you” Lance’s eyes widened, Keith biting down a snort at the expression on his face. His husband was so damn cute “Keith... if that... if that ever changes, I won’t blame you” “It won’t. How about we get out of this shower?” “If you want to hang with Pidge...” “Idiot. I’ve had enough “peopling” to last me today” “She came all this way. She said she wouldn’t and she did” “That reminds me, she visited you here?” “Yeah... not long after Curtis brought me out here. It was... kind of nice. She didn’t make a big fuss or anything...” “So you’re reconnecting with her?” “Maybe? A bit? She brought burgers but my mouth was messed up” Keith was proud. He was proud Lance hadn’t shut her out when she’d made the effort. And he was proud of Pidge for respecting Lance enough to not pry or make a scene “Then we’ll have to take her out to dinner or something after the boys come” “Mmm... I’m sorry... about before” “That’s alright. Well, it’s not, but it’s passed now. Don’t ever feel you can’t tell me when something happens. I love you” “I love you, too” After their shower, Keith finally got his cuddles. Lance falling asleep almost immediately when they spooned up together. Despite feeling as if he too was about to drift off, Keith spent their hour simply enjoying cuddling his husband close. When Curtis crept in to wake them, Keith felt mean for having to wake Lance up to eat. His husband clearly needed more than an hour’s rest. Asleep on his feet, Curtis moved their chairs closer together so Lance could against Keith’s while Keith fed him. Lance insisted he could manage a fork on his own, but the vacant expression he wore when the carrot he’d slabbed slipped off the plate said otherwise. Taking the fork from his husband, Lance seemed to think he got out of eating proper for that day. No matter what either of them thought, Curtis was firm in his stance that caramel slice didn’t count as real food, meaning that if Keith didn’t take over feeding Lance, he’d be in the shit tomorrow. Slicing everything that seemed to magic it’s self onto his plate, with a little help from Coran, Lance ended up eating more than Keith by the end of dinner. By the time the cake came out of the fridge, they’d all gorged themselves on Hunk’s home cooking as if they hadn’t eaten in the last phoeb. Lance tried his absolute hardest to sing along with their group, his husband mumbling/singing in a strangled kind of way “samurai” instead of his name, sending Pidge into a fit of giggles as they finished up singing him happy birthday, before Keith blew out the 26 candles on his cake. He didn’t need 26 candles to remind him how old he was getting. It was weird enough to think of how long it’d been since Shiro had crashed and changed all their lives, and it was even weirder to think he was married to the love of his life with twin boys on the way. Sure, there were things he wished he could go back and change. But to end up where they had, he was pretty damn proud.

[gumnut-logic]

Gentle Rain (Part Four)

Title: Gentle Rain

Warm Rain Series

Part One

Part Two

Part Three

Part Four

Author: Gumnut

21-22 Jan 2019

Fandom: Thunderbirds Are Go 2015/ Thunderbirds TOS

Rating: Teen

Summary: Sometimes it is so gentle, you don’t realise it is happening.

Word count: 2852

Spoilers & warnings: Virgil/Kayo, OC, spoilers for Warm Rain up to this point in the timeline.

Timeline: Six months after ‘The Proposal’, almost a sequel.

Author’s note: For @scribbles97  This is a challenge to write. A little different from my norm and proving challenging. Thank you for all your wonderful comments regarding my first original character in this fandom. I hope she doesn’t disappoint. And thank you all for your wonderful support, I couldn’t do this without you.

Disclaimer: Mine? You’ve got to be kidding. Money? Don’t have any, don’t bother.

-o-o-o-

Kayo stared at the ceiling. Virgil had long ago painted a beautiful pale abstract across the plain white plasterboard. Swirls of pastel swooped in lazy whorls like the surface of water at dawn, a calming pattern to trace with tired eyes and she was sure he used it in unconscious meditation to get to sleep some nights.

As usual she had awakened early, the light in the room disturbing her, but unlike most mornings she hadn’t climbed out of bed. Virgil was thankfully still asleep beside her, his soft snoring somewhat reassuring. His hair was mussed and his face mushed into his pillow as usual, but he was lying on his side facing her, rather than on his stomach and it occurred to her that she should have realised that she hadn’t seen him sleeping on his stomach since the accident. The stretch to get his arms under the pillow must be too much. How had she not noticed?

She reached over and touched his hair. She couldn’t help herself. But he stirred suddenly and she pulled her hand back. He needed his sleep.

Did men ever grow up? Did they need mothering all their lives? She sighed.

He was a challenge, but so worth it.

A hand reached out and sought hers. “Hey.” His voice was rough with sleep.

“Sorry, love, did I wake you?”

“No, no.” He yawned. “Dream.”

She frowned as he rolled onto his back stretching, and, yes, there was the flinch. Damnit, Virgil. She reached over and touched his bicep. “Come here, love.” She pulled gently and he rolled over.

Slipping her arm under his neck, she lay on her back, drawing his head to her chest and stroking his hair. He wrapped his arms around her and she was enveloped in him.

“Love you.” His voice was breathy against her breast.

“Love you, too.” Her voice equally soft.

They simply lay there for a while, not speaking, his breathing evening out as he drifted. She didn’t sleep, but let her thoughts wander, as she stroked his hair.

They had been lucky again. Oh, so, lucky. So close to losing Scott. Losing their big brother. Scott was an irreplaceable presence. They all were, but Scott was the Big Brother, the one they all looked to and followed. She had to admit that Virgil would likely be lost without his brother. In no way did she mean that as a negative, it was just simply how it worked. Virgil was strong, a powerhouse and she adored him, but he wasn’t a leader quite like Scott and he never wanted to be.

And for a long time Scott had been the centre of his world. That centre had shifted now to include her, but she would always stand alongside his eldest brother. The love was far from the same, but it was still love, and she could respect that.

Especially when she loved Scott too.

“You’re thinking too loud.” It was muffled and petulant.

She smiled, letting her fingers trace his ear and drift to his cheek. “I’m thinking about your brother.”

“Which one? And do I need to remove him from your attention?”

A grin. “Scott, and no, trust me, love, you have my full attention.”

He nestled in closer to her in response. “Good. Love you.” A moment later. “What about Scott?”

She rolled her eyes before sobering a little. “Just how lucky we were this time.”

He muttered an affirmative into her skin, his breath warm.

“Do you know what she did to save him?”

She felt his brow crinkle against her neck. “What?”

And she was back in the dark of that hole, Scott’s breathing harsh in the dim light.

“Kay?” And he was looking down at her. When did he move? “Are you all right?” There was concern in his brown eyes.

She blinked. “Fine.” But then she realised she wasn’t. She hadn’t witnessed what the doctor had done, but her imagination was quite capable of filling in the gaps. “She pulled herself from the rubble and dragged herself over to Scott to stop his bleeding.” When Virgil’s expression didn’t change, she pushed further. “She is a paraplegic, so she felt none of the damage that had been done to her legs and none she did by moving.” She swallowed. “Em Harris lost her legs, Virgil. The damage was that extensive.” Kay closed her eyes.

His voice was quiet. “How is she taking it?”

A sigh. “I don’t know. You saw her, she seems fine, but I don’t know how she can be. She has no family.” A pause. “She’s alone.” Perhaps that is what struck her and prompted her to visit the woman. Her background check had come up clean except for the incident that had led to her paraplegia and that was hardly her fault. She had a practice south of Perth and a steady client base in partnership with another doctor. She was managing.

But there was something...

His fingers touched her cheek, trailing down to her jawline. She turned and kissed their tips before leaning into his hand and closing her eyes. “She shouldn’t be alone.”

Leaning over, he kissed her forehead. “Then invite her over for Christmas.”

She stared at him. “Really?”

He stared back. “Why not? You’ve done the background check. If you’re concerned, ask Penny to double check for you.”

“She will need medical support.”

“Scott will be needing the same.” He brushed her hair away from her face. “We can ask Andre to bring his partner. He’ll jump at the chance.”

He was right. Andre would love to spend Christmas with the Tracys. Even better if he could bring Cecil with him. “You would risk Cecil and Gordon in the same mile radius for an extended period of time?”

“Gordon will behave. Penny will be here.”

“Point taken.” She bit her lip.

“C’mon, love, you can invite a friend over for Christmas. This isn’t Fort Knox.”

She stared up into his chocolate eyes. Concern sat under a slight frown. She reached up and drew him back down to her side, wrapping her arms around him, bringing his head back to rest on her chest again. “Love you.”

“That’s because I’m very lovable.” He smiled into her skin.

A gentle tap on the shoulder was enough to get her reply to that communicated.

His smile widened.  “Love you, too.”

Her thoughts turned back to Em sitting up in bed, verbally sparring with her brother.

Well, it would be interesting. Friend? She hardly knew the woman. But that could be changed. Something about Em Harris drew Kay towards her. She had saved her brother, but that wasn’t the only factor.

She stroked Virgil’s hair and let her thoughts take her.

-o-o-o-

“Oh, c’mon, you have got to be kidding me.”

Kay peered around the door of Em’s room. The woman was sitting up in bed glaring at her tablet.

“In no way is that a plausible argument, Scott Tracy. Not in a million years.”

She couldn’t quite hear her brother’s answer.

“Well, I prefer a little sense over a lot of fantasy.” More strong, but unintelligible words from the tablet. “Yeah, well, that’s a fool’s argument.”

Kayo blinked, suddenly glad she had left Virgil down at the cafe getting them coffee.

“Fine. Be that way.” Em caught sight of her. The frown turned immediately to a grin. “Hah! I have re-enforcements! Kayo, come and tell your doofus of a brother that ‘The Force’ is not the answer to everything.”

Another blink and a sigh of relief. “You’ll need to speak to John about ‘The Force’, though you may want to book yourself out for a day or two, he has a ten thousand word essay on it.” She waved a hand in the direction of the tablet. “The reason sits before you.”

Em snorted. “Yeah, well, this one can rave about Star Wars as much as he likes. Trek still trumps it.”

And yes, she had her arms crossed in front of her and the glare was back.

“You definitely need to speak to John. He’s been a Trekkie all his life.”

“Kayo, there is no way you are teaming those two up.” Scott’s voice was small coming from the tablet’s speakers, but his tone was still alarmed.

She stepped into the video pickup. “My dear brother, I will do what I need to do.”

He glared at her. “Han Solo could so kick Jim Kirk’s ass.”

A snort. “Don’t aim your arguments at me, Scott. Remember the Spock vs Chewbacca vs Virgil debate?”

He shut up, but Em straightened up next to her. “Oh, I’d like to hear this one.”

She grinned. “Again, you should speak to John and start with the Kirk vs Picard vs Scott discussion. It is the first in the series.” Her grin widened as Scott groaned.

“Okay, that’s it. I don’t need to listen to this. You ‘girls’ can go play now. I’m going to go and watch a real movie.”

To Kayo’s surprise, Em stuck her tongue out at her brother. “See you when boredom strikes.”

He grunted at her, but there was a glint of humour in his eyes and he smiled just before he cut the connection.

Kayo stared at the tablet a moment before turning her gaze to Em. “He been bothering you?”

The doctor grinned. “No, he is rather entertaining when he wants to be.”

A raised eyebrow. Oh, yes, the Scott Tracy charm was well at work. Kayo took a seat beside the bed. “And how are you, Em?”

The grin faltered, but stayed in place. “As best I can be. I can’t ask for more than that.” She straightened. “How is Virgil?”

Okay, so Virgil was going to be a deflection from her own issues. “You can ask him yourself.” And on cue, her fiancé knocked gently on the door, three coffees in a cup holder in one hand. “I bring sustenance of the gods.” He held up a large paper bag. “And muffins.”

“Yes, there are three members of our relationship. Myself, Virgil and coffee. Coffee gets him on early mornings with no competition.”

“Hey.”

She smirked. “Em, this is my fiancé, Virgil Tracy. Virgil, this is Em Harris.”

Virgil fumbled the muffins into Kayo’s lap as Em held out her hand. “Nice to finally meet you in person, Virgil.”

“Likewise. I hear you’ve been saving the hospital staff from the cranky Tracy.”

A smile. “He’s been entertaining.”

Virgil deposited the coffee tray on her bed table and handed one first to Em, then to Kay before taking the last one for himself and grabbing a chair. “That is not a word I have heard in relation to a convalescing Scott Tracy, ever.” A sip of his coffee, and, yes, there was that expression she only saw at one other time.

There was definitely a third member in their relationship.

Kayo placed the muffins on the table. “I hope you don’t mind us dropping in unannounced.”

“No, you are welcome. I’m happy to have the company.” She placed the coffee back on the table, untouched. “Actually, I was going to contact you.”

“Oh?”

Em turned to Virgil. “You were injured about six months ago?”

Virgil froze, suddenly wary.

Em held up her hand. “No, don’t worry, I haven’t been spying on you or anything. Scott gave me a little detail.”

“He did, did he?”

Uh oh. She reached out and placed a hand on Virgil’s knee. “He didn’t say much, love. Just that you were injured six months ago and your ribs were broken.” She looked back at the doctor, whose eyes had widened. “Em ascertained most of that herself anyway.”

Brown eyes hit pale blue. “How?”

“By watching you. It is subtle, but you are favouring your right side, even now.” Virgil self-consciously straightened and a faint wince flickered across his face. “And there you have it.”

-o-o-o-

She watched the man slump slightly in defeat. “I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be intrusive, but I want to help. I don’t know enough detail as yet, but I would like to assess you and see if something can be done.” She lowered her voice a little. “You shouldn’t have to be walking around in pain all the time.”

Her eyes darted between the couple. There was no way she was going to admit that she and Kayo had planned this. When Kayo had asked for specialist recommendations, Em had simply volunteered herself. Sure, she couldn’t practise from a hospital bed, but she wouldn’t be here for much longer and Virgil needed help.

It was the least she could do.

But Virgil was eyeing Kayo. “See a specialist in the morning, huh?”

Kayo didn’t flinch, her expression remained the same. “I didn’t lie.”

“I didn’t say you did.” He sighed. “Fine. What do you want me to do?”

“I will need your medical records at some point, but in the meantime, if you could give me some background, it would be a start.”

So, for the next fifteen minutes she learnt about how the two rescue operatives had fallen off a mountain and Virgil had gouged himself up his right side. With prompting from Kayo and with the room’s door secured, he unbuttoned his linen shirt and she got an eyeful of the massive scarring down his right side.

“My god, Virgil.” Okay, it wasn’t professional of her to say such a thing, but bloody hell. There were scars on top of scars. How much did this family have to pay to rescue all those people? She swallowed. He was staring down at her, an oddly hurt expression on his face. Shit, she should know better, sitting here with both her legs missing. Crap, damn...oh, hell. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.” And suddenly there were tears on her face. Shit, not now!

“Em.” There were hands on her shoulders. “Take a deep breath.” And that same man, the man with all those scars, was looking at her with kind, calm eyes. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

No, she wasn’t okay. She was far from okay. Losing it in a simple consultation? It wasn’t like she hadn’t seen worse. Look at herself for example.

Was that sob one of self pity?

Screw it.

“I’m sorry.” She took that deep breath, another, and forced it out with a trembling sigh. “I’m okay.”

He was rubbing her shoulders gently. Kayo was pouring a cup of water.

Mortification set in. Oh, god.

Kayo handed her the drink and Virgil sat back giving her space. She took a long drink and hid behind the plastic cup.

She cleared her throat. “So, I guess I shouldn’t consult while in hospital.” A half-hearted smile.

“It is completely understandable.” His rich baritone spoke only to reassure. She could imagine him using the same tone while rescuing terrified people.

Was she terrified people?

Maybe she was.

“Though I have to say that isn’t the reaction I’m used to when I take off my shirt.” There was a lopsided smirk. “I guess my bikini days are over.”

It worked. She couldn’t help but smile just a little. If only it hadn’t been at his expense.

“I can help you.” She forced strength back into her voice. She was Em Bloody Harris the survivor. Get over it already. Another deep breath. “We can at least start some scar massage and I will look into exercises that might help. I presume you had some exercises prescribed?” He nodded. “If you could give me the detail, I’ll look into alternatives. I have no doubt you’ve kept up the routine?”

“When not interrupted by call outs, yes.”

“Well, they don’t appear to be working as well as they could. Give me details and I will adjust the prescription accordingly.” Another breath. “After I’m out of here.” A forced weak smile.

He reached out and touched her hand. He was a very tactile man “Thank you.”

“It’s the least I can do.”

He frowned. “You don’t owe us anything, Em. You don’t have to do this.”

She looked up at him. “Kayo and Scott weren’t the only people you saved from that hole, Virgil. I have the right to thank you and I will do so in the best way I can.” She straightened her spine just a little. “Even if I have to conspire with your wife-to-be to do so.”

And that did it. A small smile spread slowly across his features. “I’m going to regret this aren’t I?”

He eyed Kayo and she smiled smartly back at him. “Possibly.”

Pushing back the chair, he stood up. “Okay, with that I’m making a strategic retreat.” He held up a hand as if to fend them off. “Thank you, Doctor Em. Your conspiracy worked, I will do your bidding. Kay? You and I will have words later.” The words were serious, but the tone was light. When Kayo’s grin widened into a laugh, Em found herself smiling.

“I will be with Scott, likely commiserating, if you need me.” And buttoning his shirt, he left.

-o-o-o-

End Part Four

Part Five

[jafndaegur]

Irreplaceable

MC and RFA Angst fic

Your breath shook in small quivers as you stood amidst your newfound group of friends. Your hand had been delicately held in Jumin’s grasp when the spectacle began. Zen’s gentle fingers had been patting your shoulder as he praised your hard work. Jaehee, Yoosung, and Seven had both crowded around too, chirping in their appreciative words and even some jokes here and there. V watched all of them proudly and with almost something along the lines of relief.

And then everything fell apart.

The doors to the banquet hall swung open and the protests of the bodyguards stationed there raced down to the room. Several guards rushed in, chasing a blonde woman whose dress sparkled like starlight. Everything stilled as V and Jumin called for a halt for the armed men.

“Rika!”

Yoosung was the first to leave your side. His cries broke the silence and he rushed into her arms, holding her close and tight in between sobs. It was a very little matter of time before everyone too followed their youngest member. In no time at all, you and V were the only ones standing stock-still, as if frozen in time.

“Won’t you go to her?” You whispered, hands wringing together in anxiety.

He licked his lips and glanced about nervously. “I’m not sure if now is either the time or the place. There are many things to discuss.”

“Secrets secrets,” you laughed nervously before inching towards the previously thought dead founder. “But will everything be okay to discuss them?”

Everyone was embracing her, bombarding her with questions. And Rika seemed to enjoy every ounce of the attention. She brushed their hair with her nimble fingers, she held them dear like a loving sister, she did everything she could to draw them close to her. So much laughter came from the little group that you had grown to cherish, you didn’t feel like trying to break it up. Instead Jumin was the first to insist that they take this precious reunion to a private room where things could be discussed. Somehow that decision made your stomach churn and your mind hurt, but you figured it was better there than out in the open where the paparazzi could catch on. Together the group traveled in the direction that Jaehee and the CEO-in-line ushered: a small conference room where everyone could talk.

As you started to step into the room, Rika stopped you and gave an innocent smile and a coy bat of the eyelashes.

“MC, yes?” the blonde cooed, patting your head lightly. “Thank you so very much for taking care of the RFA—you have no idea how much this means to me. Would you mind waiting outside at the party for everyone? Someone has to make sure things don’t get mucked up and since you are the current coordinator…”

She didn’t finish her statement and allowed it to trail off, as if that would make the fact that she wanted to exclude you voluntary.

“Of course, Rika, that is my job after all.” You offered a strained smile at best. “Please, let’s catch up later—I’m as confused as everyone else.”

Rika nodded and gave another strand of empty words before closing the doors in front of you.

 The party went on for a few more hours after that, reporters and guests wishing to know where the other staff and hosts of the even had disappeared to. You did your best to mention that there had been an emergency meeting that required most of the members—and however, as coordinator, you wanted to make sure that everyone could still enjoy their evening.

The clock struck one in the morning by the time that you’d finished instructing and helping clean-up crew on restoration of the hall. You limped out of the main room, your party shoes killing your feet, the private one that Jumin had set aside for the RFA. Except by the time that you returned, the lights were off and the room empty. Turning on your phone, you checked to see if anyone had left you a message. You were surprised that no one was in the chat room. First you dialed Zen, expecting to hear his vibrant late-night voice answer. Instead you were taken directly to his voicemail. A small frown crossed your lips, but you excused it. Next you called Jaehee, figuring that with her work schedule, she would be awake too. But you were met with the same lack of response as you had with your favorite musical actor. Your brow furrowed, and you decided to call Jumin.

“Jumin Han speaking,” his voice was groggy and lilted as if he were drunk or dozing off.

The pit in your stomach grew. “Jumin? Where are you guys?”

“MC, is everything okay?” There was the sound of him shifting and moving about.

“I just got done with the party clean up and went back to the private room to see where you guys were. No one’s here. Did everyone take off already?”

“MC, we all went out to celebrate Rika’s return,” his voice was as equally confused as yours. “Weren’t you with us?”

You bit your lip, stopping the exhausted sob from breaching your lips. “No, I stayed behind to manage the party.”

“MC, I—”

“Hey, Jumin, I’m…going to head home, I’m very tired,” your voice was a whisper, teetering on the edge of crying. You could barely hold your frustration together. “We can talk about this tomorrow after some rest. I’m sure it was just a misunderstanding. There was a bunch of excitement with what happened and I’m sure it was easy for me to miss the invitation.”

“Let me send Driver Kim to the banquet hall, it’s late,” he stated—you could hear him rise and rummage around.

“No, it’s okay,” you murmured. “I’ll walk home. It’s not far.”

“Certainly not.” Jumin insisted. “At this hour it’s easy for anyone—”

“To be forgotten,” you interrupted, rubbing the heel of your palm furiously at your hand, cursing yourself at how rude you were being. “Driver Kim is probably already asleep Jumin. I’ll head home quick. I can even send a text to the messenger to let everyone know when I make it back. It’s not like I haven’t done this before.”

He was quiet, and he didn’t respond. The shallow breaths on the other end of your line gave you some comfort but not much. He was thinking. You bid him goodnight and hung up before anything else could be said.

You trudged home, arms wrapped around yourself to ward off the autumn cold. Your feet could hardly take much more of the discomfort and you could already feel the back of your ankle chaffing and possibly even bleeding. Mixed into the mantra of I’m glad Rika is back you added it’s fine every now and then. You were just overreacting. It had to be some sort of overreaction. For the last eleven days you had been spoiled silly with the new company of your friends. Of course you were throwing a tantrum at how they were paying more attention to their long lost friend. To some of them she was a sister. To some of them she was a confidante. Others a mother. And others still, a lover.

Of course they needed to see her and be with her.

You weren’t mad at them.

And yet still…they could have at least excused themselves. They could have at least said goodbye. They could have at least texted you.

“I’m being ridiculous,” you sniffed and wiped at your nose with the back of your dress sleeve, the cold making the rounded tip icy to the touch.

When you reached the apartment you’d been staying at, you were surprised to see the small bag you’d had sitting outside on the stoop with a little piece of paper pinned to the front. You ripped the paper off the bag to try and scrutinize the miniscule script in the dark. The paper crunched beneath the grip of your fingers.

Hello MC! Thanks for watching the party. I came back home and found your things here—so I left them out for you in case you’d decided to come back. By the time you get here, I’ll probably have been asleep; it was a very long journey with very many sacrifices to get here, so I’m sure you can imagine just how tired I am.

           ♥ Rika

The fury that boiled throughout your entire body could not be described. You crumpled the offending sheet in your hand and typed in the code to the apartment. There had been a certain resolve you’d made in accepting Rika’s sudden and abrupt reappearance. Perhaps the reason you felt irritated was that you’d been so tired with helping everyone and finally having to put the party on that you’d just been exasperated. There was no way that you could be mad at a once-was-deceased person.

But her throwing your things out on the curb, that was the last straw. You were more than willing to chew her out. You’d worked so hard for the party that she’d wanted—at least you all had thought so; you’d done your very best to make sure many guest could come and enjoy. To make sure that the RFA could enjoy.

The door beeped angrily at you and the small code light turned red. The lock remained firmly tight. You were still locked out of the apartment.

“She…she had the code changed.” You stumbled back, hand gripping your hair.

This had to be some sort of nightmare. Something you would dream up in fear of the party the night before—and then come party day everything would go smashingly. Perhaps it was pre-performance jitters. Maybe Zen would know of a remedy.

No way would the Rika that everyone remembered fondly and cherished dearly would do this. No way. The least she could have done was offer you the couch for the evening.

You grabbed your bag, dully lifting it into your grasp. By now your feet were numb from standing, but still you had a little strength to make it to the elevators. Leaning against the side of the metal container, you felt the streaks of chilly liquid streaming down your cheeks. You refused to acknowledge such a reaction, telling yourself over and over again that you were either overreacting or having some sort of horrible nightmare.

The lift landed on the first floor and you struggled to walk out. When your ankle buckled, and you fell towards the floor, you expected the cold harsh impact. But instead a strong hand caught the crook of your elbow and pushed you back up. The grip never left you however and kept you firmly in place. When you lifted your head, the first thing you noticed was the shock of white hair. The second things you noticed were the cold and crazed blue eyes and the tattoo on the exposed shoulder. At first you wondered if you should try and scream, struggle in any form.

“Hey, if isn’t my irreplaceable party coordinator,” the unknown man tugged you along, his voice pleasant even though he was pulling you away. “Let me truly take you home.”

Somehow, you couldn’t find the strength to argue or fight back.

Perhaps it was better this way.

[phanique]

Some of my favourite actors in China + Some I do think have the potential to be my favourite

This is MY favourite and can change, it also doesn’t have to be the same as yours, I’m just sharing what I like.

Here are my favourites.

Wan Peng 万鹏  https://mydramalist.com/people/18102-wan-peng

I first knew of her in 谢谢让我遇见你 Meeting You and I really like her acting a lot. She feels very true to herself, I do have to say all the characters that I have seen her act are the very happy-go-lucky type so I would love to see her act in more contemporary ones.

Fiction Guo Jun Chen 郭俊辰 https://mydramalist.com/people/11079-guo-fiction

I technically first saw him in Accidentally In Love 惹上冷殿下 but I didn’t like how the story went so I did not bother to complete it. Somehow I watched Meeting You and realised that they were both played but Guo Jun Chen. I really liked his acting in Meeting You and I feel that he suits the quiet and kind style more than the kind in Accidentally In Love.

Bai Jing Ting 白敬亭 https://mydramalist.com/people/7762-bai-jing-ting

It seems almost weird given how popular he seems but I have never actually any of the dramas he acted in. I have heard of 夏至未至 Rush To The Dead Summer because Zheng Shuang and Hu Yi Tian acted in it but I for some reason didn’t bother with it nor do I actually know of the plot.

Another one I have heard is Irreplaceable Love 与晨同光. When I first heard of it, I actually felt that it has a good plot that can be worked on to be amazing, and since it was based on a novel, well I might as well read the novel first. Luckily I just skipped to the end of the novels (there is part 1 and part 2). Part 1′s ending was okay but the author could have made it happy in part 2. Turns out, NOPE, the author just freaking killed off the male lead and I got immediately turned off and did not bother with the drama because I doubt the script writer is going to change anything. I don’t know if I am right but when I read the comments for the last episode, I think yeah, they didn’t change it so yeah.

Anyway, You Are My Hero 你是我的城池营垒 came out on my recommended and AvenueX also posted a video on it so I decided to give it a watch and I really really like it. He buffed up for the role which yes his figure is amazing and really gives off the captain of swat team vibe. His acting here shows he can do those kind of serious but also be those kind of caring husband role. Definitely looking forward to more of his acting. I also started watching Ping Pong 荣耀乒乓 and I’m now on the okay seems fine side.

Hu Yi Tian 胡一天 https://mydramalist.com/people/15612-hu-yi-tian

Among all the actors here, I’m a career fan of his for maybe 1 year?

I started watching A Love So Beautiful 致我们单纯的小美好 and really loved his acting there for some reason. I started searching for more of his works but then other than his works in Rush To The Dead Summer, Handsome Siblings and Go Go Squid, he hasn’t acted in anything else. I started watching Go Go Squid accidentally (I didn’t know he acted in it until I saw him) and liked him there too.

Luckily he released more works beginning of 2020 and I felt that he became much more popular, you can see that all his works lined up are main roles which I’m happy for him.

I feel that his best work is actually in My Roommate Is A Detective because he shows a very different acting side of him, one that is playful and shy in a sense than his more cold and aloof roles in his other works.

You Complete Me is okay to me, I do think that his dark side kind of acting could be worked on more and I will tell you why later. Unrequited Love is bad to me just because of the fact that the plot (also happens in the novel it’s based on which I read) to me is very annoying where the girl likes the guy but is like I like you for so long, why haven’t you noticed me kind of thing. But to me I feel that she hasn’t done something to make him notice her? Anyway, I didn’t finish it.

Go Go Squid 2 to me is okay too, his acting there is not bad too. I do also think his determined face type of acting can be improved because like his dark side acting, he looks like determined-ish but there is no further emotion in a sense, you cannot see if he’s nervous or even evil in a sense? Also I much preferred the novel compared to the drama so that can also be a reason why GGS2 is okay to me.

Here are some of the potential to be favourites.

These actors I feel are ones that I could like but I do want to see more of what they can show.

Wang An Yu 王安宇 https://mydramalist.com/people/33005-wang-an-yu

He acted in 百岁之好，一言为定 Forever Love and GGS2 and I quite liked both so hope to see more of him.

Julia Xiang Han Zhi 向涵之 https://mydramalist.com/people/32993-xiang-han-zhi

She also acted in Forever Love and her visuals are so good. She’s so pretty which made me notice right away.

Leo Li Sha Min Zi 李莎旻子 https://mydramalist.com/people/17285-leo-li

I noticed her in Make My Heart Smile 扑通扑通喜欢你 and her visuals and acting made me really like her. I might see more of her works etc.

[fictionsaroundtheclock]

Han Som Hatar Människan - Part 5: “The Claws Of Perdition”

At the end of the second week, Abigail got an unexpected phone call. It was Christian. She answered the call with a puzzled look on her face.

“Christian?”

“Hello, Abigail. Is it a good time to talk?” Christian answered from the other side. She had already almost forgotten the sound of his voice. Actually, the sound of whoever’s voice, except that of Niklas.

“Yeah, sure. Niklas just got in the shower, so there’s no danger of him freaking out.” She said as she moved into a room as far away from the bathroom as possible.

“I’m starting to miss that fucked up bastard. In fact, I called to see if it’s possible to come over and see him some time, as long as you’re not on the other end of the world, of course.”

“Sure, why not? He might freak out a bit at first, but as long as your visit is already a fact there’s not much he can do about it. I’ll just keep it a secret until you have arrived.”

“Thanks, Abigail. Is he holding on?”

“Yeah, I keep him running. He seems better. He ran out of drugs and I put a limit on his alcohol, so he’s actually being a sweetheart as of recent.”

“Well, that’s strange to hear. And what about you? Are you holding on?  It’s hard keeping a clean mind around Niklas, especially for someone as tiny as you.”

“I’m not as tiny as you think, Chris. Besides, if my observations are correct, I – the squishy little girl, have been handling the hate machine much better than all of you guys taken together, despite being big grown men.” Abigail said ironically.

“Can’t say it’s a lie.”

“Indeed. I’ll send you the address. You just tell me when can I expect you.”

“Some time tomorrow. I just don’t know when I’ll leave and how far you guys are.”

“Not that far, but far enough.”

“Alright. Then I’ll see you guys tomorrow, hopefully. Take care, Abigail.”

“You take care too, pretty face.” She closed the call and just a few seconds later the door opened to reveal an almost naked and wet Kvarforth in only a bathroom towel around his waist. She was caught a little off-guard, but quickly came back to her senses – one of her strong sides.

“I heard you talking on the phone. Who was it?” Niklas asked lightly.

“Wrong number. The guy was searching for some Betty. I spent five minutes explaining there’s no Betty here.”

“If you’re done explaining there’s no Betty here, how about you come and explain some stuff to me in bed?” Niklas put on his signature perverted smirk on and put his hands on Abigail’s ass.

“Feeling playful, aren’t we? You just came out of the shower.”

“Indeed. I need someone to preserve the heat, otherwise I could get cold.” He said false-dramatically and winked.

“You never get enough, do you?”

“It makes a good replacement for the drugs.” Kvarforth whispered in her ear and licked her earlobe slowly.

               The next day Niklas had just come back from his new job and as usually, he required for Abigail to be dressed in latex and on high heels. They were just messing around in bed when the doorbell rang. Abigail suspected it could be Christian, so she thanked herself for not taking off her clothes yet.

“Who the fuck could it be?” Niklas whined at the sound of the doorbell.

“I’ll go see, you just stay here.” Abigail quickly pecked his lips. She rolled out of bed and picked up a black shirt of his, which was lying on the ground. On further consideration, Christian had caught them naked not only once, so she didn’t mind being seen like that. She ran to the door as fast as her insane heels allowed and opened the door just to find Christian standing there with hands in his pockets, as expected.

“Whoa.” He smirked at the sight. “If I’m in the middle of something I can wait.”

“Just a minute later and you would have been in the middle of something. It’s just…Niklas’ dirty fetishes. Those heels are killing me, I don’t recommend them.”

“Never really considered putting them on.” The blond man snickered. “How’s the battle beast doing?”

“Well, he just came back from work and now he wants his part, obviously.”

“Work? You managed to make him get a job?” The young man’s jaw almost dropped to the ground.

“Yeah, well, I can be very convincing. Come in, let’s surprise the hate machine. And if you’re a faint of heart, he could be naked, so my apologies.”

“It wouldn’t be a first.” He said as he followed the girl inside.

“We have got a guest, sweetness.” Abigail announced with her hands on her hips as she entered the bedroom.

“What the…?” Niklas started with surprise. “So it was you who cock-blocked me?” He laughed.

“Didn’t mean to ruin your business.” Christian smirked.

“This is a set-up, isn’t it? You told him where we are.” The singer pointed his finger at the girl.

“He is your friend, Niklas. He wanted to see you. Don’t you appreciate that? Besides, I’m sure he hasn’t and won’t tell anybody. Right, Chris?” Abigail defended him and he shook his head.

“You know how much I hate you, right?” Kvarforth gave the girl a corner smile.

“Well, I don’t remember saying how much I love you as well, so it doesn’t bother me. I guess it’s mutual.” She crossed her arms and lift her chin up proudly.

“You’re irreplaceable.” Niklas shook his head with a smile.

“I’ll let you boys have a chat. Anything to drink?”

“A coffee with whiskey without the coffee for me.” Christian replied.

“Same for me.” Niklas snickered as he put on his boxers. Abigail smirked.

“So it is. And by the way, keep your eyes open, pretty face. He likes putting his hands in places.” The girl winked.

“I’m aware of that.” Christian assured her and she walked out of the room.

“So, did you start missing me a lot already?” Niklas smirked.

“I wanted to make sure that you’re still alive. And that she is still alive.”

“She’s taking good care of me. I, on the other hand, think I’m being really unthankful, even though I try to do things to make her happy. I wouldn’t hurt her, if that’s what you’re implying.”

“I’m implying that you’re an unpredictable motherfucker, especially with women.” The door opened and both of the men shut up.

“There’s your whiskey, gents. I’m leaving you.” She passed them two glasses and a whole bottle of whiskey and walked out again.

“Isn’t that a good woman? Brings you a full bottle of whiskey in her latex costume and high heels? You shouldn’t worry about her. She’s her own man. I don’t know any more if I’m the one playing with her or if she’s the one playing with me. It all started with just sex and now I’m here in her home, depending on her…vulnerable…”

“You’re never vulnerable, unless it’s the drugs laid on the table. You just realize that she is actually bringing you to a better place.”

“She is like a light in the end of the tunnel…a dark tunnel…and my tunnel is very dark, kid. I know it sounds strange coming from me, but I would be lost in my own tunnel if it wasn’t her ray of light. I don’t even know if I’m in love with her or if she’s just my baby sitter that I like a lot, but she gives me everything I need. She gives me the hate and pain I need and at the same time she appears to love me just the same. She hates me just as much as she finds me to be a weakness of hers. I don’t even know if she would love me back or if she is simply satisfying her own twisted needs. She told me everything about her life, Chris. She is dying and she is just living the life she never had. I guess I just fit in her own twisted world. Maybe she just enjoys taking care of me because I’m as sick as she is. I don’t even know how sick she is, she is so silent. She treats me like the trash I am, yet she tries to fix me and somehow this is precisely what I need.” Kvarforth explained calmly, but maniacally as if he couldn’t understand his own thoughts.

“I don’t know how much of these are ramblings of your insanity or not, but I don’t really believe my ears right now.”

“I can’t believe my own self that I am saying all of this, but I do mean it. She did turn out to be one of the few that are actually worth my time. She is worth even more.”

“She really is a gem. Just be careful not to scratch its’ smooth surface. Is she really dying?”

“She said so. And if that’s true, I can’t bear the thought that someday I will find her lying on the floor and that would be the end of her. That would be the end of my salvation as well, since nobody so far has managed to pull me out of the mud. Without her, I will sink in completely.”

“Why don’t you get over your ego and tell her everything you told me? You don’t know how much time you have to spend with her. Would you rather she finds out what you really feel for her or send her into the grave with the memory of you being a stuck-up prideful prick?”

“Even if I do, what would that change? That won’t delay her death.”

“No, it won’t, but you reap what you’ve sown. If you tell her what you feel she will too and this will make things much easier for both of you. And I know it might sound like a terrible idea to you, but why don’t you make her a child?” Christian offered and Niklas was left speechless.

“Kid, you know I hate life and I destroy it. I don’t create it!” The singer answered regretfully.

“Just listen to my point, if you please. This way you will have a memory of her to keep you going. Knowing that something important depends on you, this will get you through the day. This way it will be like you’re looking after her in the body of someone else. Besides, it would be a waste to the world if she dies without reproducing.” Chris smiled.

“You like her, don’t you?” Niklas’ raspy voice echoed in the room with this perverse tone of his in it. “I can’t blame you if you do. I mean, look at her, who wouldn’t.”

“That’s not the point here. I’m not taking her away from you, but that’s why I wish you could give her what she wants until she can still enjoy it. That’s the least you owe her for putting up with you.” Christian replied a little disturbed.

“If my senses are correct, she already has it. She is strong enough to get whatever she wants. She went out and took it. Otherwise she wouldn’t be sitting so peacefully here with me every day.” The smirk of perversion crawled across the older man’s lips again.

“I sincerely hope so.” The door opened and Abigail stormed in with an empty glass.

“May I have some whiskey? Thank you.” She grabbed the bottle without waiting for an approval and filled up her glass. Niklas looked down on her with some mysterious smile.

“Hey, Abigail, why don’t you join us?” He invited her as she had already turned her back.

“And sit quietly in a corner while you two are talking business? No, thank you, I’d rather clean the whole house, while walking in those fucking heels.” She replied calmly.

“Oh, come on. We won’t talk business.” He begged with a smile and patted a space between him and Christian. She put a finger on her chin thoughtfully and exhaled.

“On the other hand there’s whiskey here, so why not.” She raised her hands and jumped on the empty space between them. “You haven’t ran away from us yet, Christian?” She flipped his blond hair back with the back of her hand.

“Are you drunk already?” The blond man asked timidly with suspicion.

“Of course not! Okay, seriously, why do you think I came to abuse your whiskey if there was something left of my own?” Abigail laughed drunkenly.

               Later that evening, the three of them were quite drunk, so they were only lying lifelessly on the bed and laughing at the nonsense that they were speaking. Suddenly, Niklas’ drunken voice pierced the short silence that had fallen upon the room.

“Hey, Abigail. I dare you to kiss Christian.” He announced and you could hear the perversion in his voice. Even drunk, Abigail questioned his motives.

“I don’t know what games you are playing, but I’m not playing along.” Abigail protested drunkenly as she propped up herself on her hands to look at Niklas.

“Just. Do it.” Kvarforth repeated and his tone would take no refusal.

“Oh, whatever, you fucking pervert.” The girl rolled over and straddled the confused young man. "Let's just give the pervert what he wants." She muttered as she lowered her lips to his. Of course, if that was Kvarforth's wish, then the younger man wouldn't even question it. She slowly slipped her tongue in his mouth and kissed him deeply.

"Slower." Niklas smirked devilishly as he looked closely. Abigail glared at him as she slowed down the pace of her tongue.

"Like that, you perv?" She hissed, looking at him one more time as the blond man writhed under her. She kissed Christian slowly and passionately again, earning a slight moan from him. "You like watching us kissing, don't you?" She teased and locked her lips with Christian's for the last time. "You liked that, you sick bastard?" She looked at Kvarforth as she pulled away and he had the typical devilish grin written on his face.

"Ask the kid." Niklas smirked and Abigail turned her sight back to the younger man.

"You can't imagine. I just hope I remember in the morning." He replied without waiting for the question and his eyes sparked. The girl chuckled.

In the morning the three of them woke up in the same bed. They hadn't moved from there at all and eventually had fallen asleep that way. Abigail was sleeping on her face between the two of them. She woke up first and looked at the men sleeping on both of her sides silently.

"And if that's not paradise..." She muttered to herself with a smirk. She woke both of them up and they whined sleepily.

"Damned be I." Niklas cursed.

"Hey, we didn't do anything, did we?" The girl asked a little scared. Not that she would mind a three-some with those two, but she'd rather it be in a sober state. However, Kvarforth wouldn't ever let this happen, unless he is in last night's perverted mood.

"Nah, we've still got our clothes on." Christian finally spoke. "And good news. Despite all the whiskey, I still remember the kissing session." He smiled.

"Oh, no." The girl exhaled ashamedly. "I should have taken the advantage of your drunk state and made you two kiss."

"You'll see that again pretty soon on stage. Am I right, you sick fuck?" Christian turned to Niklas.

"Pretty much." The singer chuckled. "God dammit, I couldn't even jack-off to this last night."

"First world problems." The bassist said ironically. "It was a lot of fun being drunk with you guys again, but I should get going." He announced and rolled off the bed.

"What's the rush? I was just planning a three-some." Niklas joked.

"Stop giving the kid false hopes." Abigail scolded him.

"Maybe some other time, if the offer is still available. Now I have to drive to work like a madman."

"Oh, I'm a working man now too. Well, not for long." Niklas stated proudly.

"I know."

"You have told him everything, haven't you? I bet you've been talking every day." Niklas put his finger up threatingly.

"Yesterday was the first and last time we talked on the phone. Don't turn into a paranoid motherfucker again." Abigail explained as she rolled out of bed. Niklas followed and they escorted Christian to the door.

"When am I seeing you sick fuckers again?" Christian asked as he put his hands in his pockets.

"In two weeks. You're welcome to come over again whenever you like, as long as you don't tell anybody where we are." Niklas explained. Abigail raised her eyebrows in surprise of his kindness. "Abigail, why don't you give the kid a kiss goodbye?" The singer tried to hide the perversion in his voice, but they could still hear a trace of it. The girl raised her shoulders as she wasn't left with much of a choice. She walked up to the blond man and kissed him deeply as she held his blond hair out of the way. "That's right." Niklas purred.

"At least in those heels I'm as tall as you." The female stated innocently.

"Why so generous all of a sudden?" Christian turned to Niklas.

"Sharing is caring, motherfucker. Seems like I'm not that much of an egotistical bastard."

"Go take your medicine." The blond chuckled as they shook hands tightly.

"See you soon, pretty face." Abigail waved him goodbye softly.

"Take care, kid." Kvarforth smirked.

"Both of you too." The bassist said and turned his back. They waited at the door as he got in the car and drove off.

"Why did you do that to him?" Abigail scolded the singer softly as she leaned her back on the door frame and her eyes traced the fading car.

"I did him a favor, because he likes you. Do you think I would share my girl with anybody so light-handedly? That's the least I could do for him to get a taste of you." Niklas smirked and put a finger under her chin.

"That's unbelievably kind of you, but don't ruin it for him. He's still 19. Don't trick him into thinking that he can have something he can't."

"I am not. I am just giving him a taste of the forbidden fruit, just like I always do, simply because I know from experience that it is the sweetest. Besides, he’s a smart man. I know I don't seem like a generous person to you, but I can be a very passionate person. Passionate about my music, about my friends..."

"Are you trying to impress me right now?" The girl smirked.

"No, I am revealing my soul to you. I don't usually do that. Besides, I think I have already impressed you." Kvarforth smirked proudly and kissed Abigail deeply.

[daily-dose-of-naruto]

Aaaaaaalllright. Another one... Let's do... Oh! Since I love jumin (obvs)... WHAT would Mr. Trust-Fund Jumin Han be like as a Father™? After the princess Elizabeth the 3rd, would they have more cats just like Elly? Or would Seven boycott the kitties?

I wrote so much because daddy Jumin is just really cute and like I couldn’t stop. ~Admin Shadow

Jumin Han as a Father

• He was there the moment his child came into the world – and you couldn’t pry him away from your side for a second. He was the first person after you to hold your child and couldn’t stop himself from smiling when the baby stopped crying and stared at him. He couldn’t fathom how his child could just stare at him as if he was their whole world. It was love at first sight for him.

• Jumin is nurturing, and loving toward his children. I could see him opening up a little more with his child more so than he had with you. Hugging his child all the time and reminding them of how much they are loved is a must. He’s the type of dad that plants little kisses on their head whenever he has to drop them off somewhere or leave them for more than a span of an hour.

• Takes his role as a father very seriously and has strict rules for his children to follow – he believes that discipline is essential in a child’s upbringing. He follows many conventional rules, like his child must always eat everything on their plate, he sets a bedtime for them that they must abide by. Of course, Jumin can’t pass up offering a bedtime story – he just can’t resist watching their face light up when they get to the climax of every small novel he reads to them.

• Jumin cares greatly about his child’s education and would be very much on the fence about sending his child to boarding school or a highly respected private school near the both of you. I think he would decided upon a wealthy private school in the end, just because the idea of his child being pried away from him becomes too painful to consider.

• He still wants to make sure they are properly educated in all of the high and sophisticated literature and music of the upper echelon. He also tries very hard to push them to play a musical instrument, and makes sure they are well versed in reading people and gauging others motives. He can’t stand the idea of people trying to take advantage of his child.

• He has certain fears he can’t quell when it comes to his children. The one thing he worries greatly about is their social skills and ability to open up. That was always his own shortcoming so Jumin wants nothing more than to guide them in the right direction – he takes them out frequently so they can socialize and learn how to interact with people their own age.

Jumin Getting More Cats

• I honestly don’t think Jumin would get anymore cats after Elizabeth the 3rd. He really viewed Elle as a companion, a friend and an outlet not so much as a cat. For him, she is irreplaceable and getting another cat would cheapen her value to him. I honestly don’t think he would ever replace Elle.