In the very first loop, I figured out that the sun was dying. I went to the museum, saw the model and was reminded exactly of what a supernova is. 22 minutes later the sun explodes. I was like "oh... fuck" and I knew there was no "saving the solar system" so I didn't get the experience some people got when they went to Sun Station. It was actually disappointing, to finally get there only for the reward to be knowledge I already had. No realization dread. No just sitting there and waiting for the inevitable.
BUT!
Well, I HATE Ms. Dark Bramble. I hate her and her little monsters, they have no right to be that terrifying. I went there for the first time because I really wanted to meet Feldspar, and after a shit ton of suffering I made it, did what I had to do, restarted to loop and said "I ain't going back there, thank you" like a fucking IDIOT because of COURSE there's more to be done there. But I could do it later. Like, at the end of the game. Probably.
So I do everything I can think of, all my logs cleared except for the Vessel. Having done the math, I knew what I had to do. I had coordinates + a core I could use to power up... sigh. I decide to face my nightmare without retrieving the core from the ATP bc Ms. Bramble HATES me, and there's a 100% chance I will die. I do die. I get some practice. I reach the escape pod. I reach the seed, the tomb. I nearly cry, because I fucking love the Nomai and I really wanted them to make it, but they met their end long, long ago, and yet it doesn't get easier to me, seeing it.
I die some more, I reach the Vessel.
I read the first panel: It was all avoidable. That's a conversation for another time. Like, I have so much to say about it, it's insane. But we're on a timer.
I read the second panel.
Nomai talking about the dying stars, about the end of the universe. Talking about meeting up, somewhere that has the potential to be safe.
I don't think anything in the game could beat the feeling I got while I read that panel, slowly realizing that this conversation is RECENT. These Nomai might very well be alive! Right now! After exploring all of their lost civilization, their doomed history in this solar system. After meeting Solanum. I don't know.
After hours of playing a game where all my experiences where laced with grief, a tiny spark of hope.
I still have, at the very least, one more loop to go.
Even though I really want to, I know I can't save anyone. None of the Travelers, none of the Hearthians. I can't save Solanum. I don't know if the Nomai are really alive, or if it's just wishful thinking. Even if they are, I probably won't meet them. I won't get to talk to them and tell the stories about their brave ancestors, of their recklessness, of their genius, of their wonder.
All I have are the coordinates to the Eye.
And I owe it to those who came before me, the Nomai, the Hearthians, the people who played this game before I I did, to go and see it for myself.
people are saying do it scared, but you also gotta do it alone. you'll miss out on so much you want to do if you wait til someone will do it with you. do it scared and do it alone.
its true that romance amd friendship will not solve everything but. objectively speaking its very hard to get sad when you can say 'lets go get cake tomorrow okay' and someone will go get cake with you. like there is some good at least. you know
Yesterday marked the 100th day of genocide. Please, do not get used to this. Our people, killed, bombed, kidnapped, stripped, executed and starved is not normal. Our kids in pieces, their body parts collected in bags is not normal.
Israel has killed 23,700 human. More than 10,300 child. We'd need 177 school bus to carry the Palestinian children killed by Israel in gaza. 10,022 fatherless child. 8,352 motherless child. The wounded have their wounds rot and die waiting in front of the crossing. Maggots seen inside alive people's wounds. 5,500 pregnant woman will give birth in the upcoming weeks. 100 Days of Genocide. 100 Days of the world watching silently.
i have started asking myself “how can i make this more fun?” in regards to the things i have to do and it is such a small difference but it brings me so much delight
I’m in the South. I’ve got ears to the ground. Republicans are SWEATING at the prospect of Kamala being nominated. They’re not sure Trump can beat her.