#but i'm also very very happy with my results and i feel incredibly at home in my body as it is

[creedslove]

I'm thinking about you often and wish you peace and quiet ♥️ even if we don't talk much, I consider you as a friend and I care about you.

What about Joel and his wife not talking, they have some quiet days. Wife is not happy, because Joel is not helping around the house and being busy at work, Joel forgot about her birthday. After he got home from work, his wife was like... gone.

He was going crazy, because she was not answering the phone, and it was late already. When she finally returned home, he was asking where she was, and it turned out, she was spending time with her friends, because they celebrated her birthday that Joel forgot about.

"Joel, do you even love me? I'm not angry, I'm just little tipsy and sad. Do you want divorce? Because I see we are not doing so well nowadays. I love you, but you are not loving me back, don't you?"

Joel is shocked and little angry. How his wife, most important person on earth for him, can think stuff like that. He loves her, he loves her so deeply, but he is not willing to admit that.

"you say dumb things, you are drunk, go to bed." Results in weeping and sniffles.

No outbreak!Joel Miller x f!reader

A/N: thank you thank you thank you honey, I love you so much you have no idea how much better your ask made me feel, your words are so sweet. I consider you my friend too, you're incredible honey 💕😘 love you 💋🫂

Also, this ask being so close to my bday (2 weeks from now) hit differently, so I'll change it just slightly to fit an idea I'd been working on, if it's okay? Love you 💕

INSPIRED BY THE SONG: I hate this part - Pussycat Dolls

• Joel grinded his teeth as he focused on the road; it was dark, raining and hard to see and he couldn't be angrier to be out so late at night having to pick you up from a night out with your friends; you knew he had work the next morning, so why did you do that to him? Not to mention the ugly stare you were giving him, which caused him to groan again

• you on the other hand, couldn't believe his nerve to give you shit like that, what was he even thinking about? You didn't know if Joel was acting up to punish you or if he had literally forgotten about it, it annoyed you to death, but annoyed wasn't really the right word, it angered you, because you never dreamed your husband could be that insensitive towards you

• Joel was driving faster than usual, he gripped the steering wheel and you could tell his knuckles were white, you sighed and looked out the window, disbelief growing as Joel wasn't going to say anything at. all. it was just so unfair of his reaction, considering he was the one acting up like a major asshole and not the other way around

• it hurt and angered you, he had no right to treat you like that, especially not after he was doing, he had no right to do so and when he ignored you a couple of times you called his name, you had enough

"stop the car, Joel!"

"what? No, I'm not gonna stop it"

"stop the car right now Joel, do it or I'll open this door!!!"

• you raised your voice at him, something you had never done it, but at that moment, it didn't matter, he'd pushed your buttons and you didn't want to be around him at all

"STOP THE FUCKING CAR!"

• you yelled again, and he finally pulled over, there were still a few blocks until you got home, but you didn't care, you got out of the car slamming the door behind you and didn't look back, it baffled you what a jerk Joel was really being, it didn't make any sense to you

• Joel on the other hand was so angry, he couldn't even word how pissed off you made him feel at that moment, he parked the car and went after you, groaning at how stubborn you were being

• it didn't take very long for him to reach you and grab your arm, pulling you closer

"what the fuck are you doing?!"

"it's my birthday you asshole! My fucking birthday and you forgot about it! Or you simply don't care about me to the point of not saying anything... Does it make any sense now that I was out celebrating? Because my fucking boyfriend couldn't remember"

• you said just as angrily, you were tired of Joel acting up as if he was the right one and not you; you broke free from his grip and walked away, you didn't want anything to do with that man at that moment

• Joel was shocked, his heart shattered at his own insensitivity and shook his head; he'd indeed forgotten about it, he'd just been so absorbed and stressed about work it simply slipped away from his mind

• but it didn't matter, he knew how bad it was and how deeply he'd hurt you and Joel wasn't going to forgive himself just as he knew you wouldn't forgive him either

• he asked you to wait, he needed to apologize and see what he could do to make things better: perhaps there was still time to take you out for dinner? Maybe the malls were still open and you could pick a present for yourself?

• but it wasn't as simple as he thought, when he asked you what he could do to redeem himself, all you did was shake your head and sigh

"there's nothing to be done, Joel... About this or about us... I think we should break up"

• you said and began walking away from him, at that moment, you and Joel couldn't be together anymore, it broke your heart but it was what you had to do

____

[rin-fukuroi]

𝐋𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐰𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐬 [𝐉𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐘𝐮𝐚𝐧]

Please do not translate or publish my works without my permission.

The originals of my works can be read here

Fandom: Honkai: Star Rail

Pairings: Jing Yuan x fem!reader

Warnings: just cute fluff

▶• ılıılıılıılıılıılı. Taemin - Pretty boy

Note: English is not my native language, so I apologize if there are errors in the text qq

Maybe the new year is already over, but it's never too late to just feel the warm and loving and caring atmosphere of the holiday

— Well, well, don't be naughty, I'm almost done! — you playfully scratch behind your big soft ear.

Mimi has been spinning around underfoot for several minutes, poking his big nose at your dangling heel in the air. No wonder, because his owner hasn't been home for several days, he misses him as much as you do. It's a pity that you can't explain to him that everything is fine, it's just that someone decided to postpone all work until the end of the year, so Mrs. Fu Xuan now doesn't let the General out of the office until there is not a single scroll left on his desk. Harsh, but Jing Yuan deserved it.

In any case, this is a good opportunity to finish the gift that you have been hiding with extreme care from your curious husband for several months. Let the General not appear at home as often as you would like, this man is as clingy as a person can imagine. Are you cooking something? He'll happily steal a couple of slices of vegetables from the chopping board and put his arm around your waist, resting his head on your shoulder until you shoo him to the table. Are you reading? It's time to take a nap on your lap — the softest and most comfortable pillow according to General Lofu Xianzhou. Going to bed? Great, he's just tired and will gladly squeeze you in his warm, almost suffocating embrace. And it's incredibly sweet, but not when there were only a few days left before the New Year so that you could finish his gift.

Leo raises his head with some puzzlement, watching you vigorously weave thick threads with knitting needles, periodically leaning back in an armchair opposite the fireplace to evaluate the preliminary result of your painstaking work. You're really bad at needlework. If someone had told you a few years ago that you would be sitting and knitting with a serious look, you would have laughed a lot at the person who voiced such a funny joke. The desire to step over yourself, learn something new, become better for another person is also part of the relationship that you got involved in as unexpectedly as you decided to make a gift with your own hands.

The firewood crackles softly in the fireplace, and the dancing flames cast a soft shadow on the carpet under your feet and a half-asleep Mimi threatening to crush your ankle when the lion settles his huge fluffy head on it. The same atmosphere, the same warmth and the same thrill as the day when Jing Yuan proposed to you so simply and casually in this very place. You've always been like this. Carefree, just enjoying each other's company. Perhaps, from the outside, your banter with each other, lightness and carelessness are seen by others as the relationship of two good friends, but isn't that the whole point? You always think that Jing Yuan is really your closest and irreplaceable friend, with a smile on your lips, inexpressibly happy that you are so lucky to have him.

Therefore, even what you are doing clumsily now, snorting irritably under your breath when the drawing slides to the side and the threads get tangled in your hands, in some way brings you pleasure. It is unlikely that Jing Yuan will wear this, as there is an extremely low probability that you will take up knitting needles again, but you pass all those warm feelings that have been lurking in your heart all these years through your fingers holding metal sticks in your hands in the hope that the General will be able to feel them on his own body.

— Oh, well, your owner will owe me when I give him this gift, — you chuckle softly, glancing at the lion, whose ear twitches as soon as it catches the sound of your voice.

A soft sigh leaves your chest as you lean back in your chair, reaching for a mug of cocoa with tiny marshmallows on the coffee table. The hot sweetness spreads in your mouth, and you calm down a little, once again looking at the sweater on your lap.

— Do you think it doesn't look too lame? — you "try on" a sweater by applying it to your chest, and you meet Mimi's sleepy gaze, snorting softly before turning away in the opposite direction from you. — Is it that bad?!

— What's wrong, dear? — the heavy weight of Jing Yuan's body abruptly falls on your shoulders, making you shudder when he suddenly sneaks up from behind, wrapping his big hands around your shoulders.

Mimi instantly takes her head off your leg and happily wags her tail, like a dog waiting for its owner. Perhaps Jing Yuan was right in calling him his pet cat.

— Aeons, you're going to give me a heart attack! — you put your hand to your chest in fright before realizing that the sweater you tied is still pressed against it, and you hurriedly crumple it up, stuffing it under your side. — Have you finished your work yet?

— Mmm, not really,— the General almost purrs, burying his nose in the curve of your neck.

— Not really?

— Aren't you glad to see me at all? It would be a shame to celebrate the New Year separately.

You roll your eyes, but gently wrap your arms around your husband's forearm, sighing in resignation.

— Okay, I'll set the table now.

You are about to get out of the warm embrace of Jing Yuan, when Mimi stops you, insistently poking his nose into your thigh, under which lies what you have been hiding from your husband for so long.

— What is it, Mimi? Did you find something? — The General's hands are leaving your shoulders, and you can almost feel cold sweat rolling down your forehead.

Jing Yuan strokes the lion's head, but he completely ignores the owner's touch, continuing to snort and try to seep between your hip and the chair.

— Y/N, are you hiding something from me? — The General squints, smiling playfully and leaning towards your face.

— N-no! I guess I just spilled some cocoa… HEY! — you scream when your husband silently crouches, grabbing your legs and throwing you over his shoulder. You squirm, frantically slapping him on the back when you feel Jing Yuan leaning into the chair. — STOP! Let me go, there's nothing interesting there!

— Really? Then why did you hide it? — The General chuckles softly, and you drop your hands in despair, noticing the sneaky lion sitting behind his master and wagging his tail contentedly. — This is…

— It's not finished yet, — you mutter unhappily, propping your chin with your fist behind your husband's back.

Jing Yuan gently holds you with one hand, with the other unfolding a soft sweater over the seat of the chair. The red threads are intertwined in neat chains, and in the center of the gift there is an embroidered lion, slightly uneven, but seemingly insanely charming to the General.

— Is that Mimi?

— Y-yes… Or what should have been him.

The man gently puts you down on the floor, and you awkwardly look away, feeling embarrassment tingle your cheeks.

— It looks ready, can I try it on?

— I told you… — you started to speak, but stopped, noticing with what trepidation Jing Yuan lifts the sweater from the chair, leaning it against his muscular chest. — Oh… All that remains is to cut the thread.

You take scissors from the table, carefully cutting the red thread, and take the sweater from Jing Yuan's hands while he hurriedly throws off his uniform, presenting himself half naked in front of you and forcing you to frantically squeeze your gift in your hand, checking whether it is too prickly to put it on a bare body.

— Y/N, — Jing Yuan smiles, holding out his hands.

— Okay, okay… — you sigh, finally giving the sweater back.

Your husband carefully pulls on his sweater, smoothing out the bound image of Mimi on his chest. He looks so happy when he looks at the thing that is bound with your own hands, and he can almost feel how your love, care and efforts are woven into these soft threads to see a smile on his face.

— Why only Mimi?" Where is my beloved wife? — The General grins, wrapping his arms around your waist and pulling you closer to his warm body.

— A sweater with me wouldn't be so cute, — you giggle, burrowing into Jing Yuan's chest. So softly.

— Who told you that? — your husband's fingertips are placed under your chin, forcing you to look at him. — You are the sweetest woman in the world.

The man's amber eyes sparkle in the soft light of the fireplace, and you can't help but smile, rising on tiptoe to leave a short kiss on the General's cheek.

— Flatterer, do you think this will save you from being punished for ruining the whole surprise?

— I hope so, — The General rubs the tip of his nose against yours, loosely closing his eyes and pressing you closer to his body. — Thank you, my love.

P.S. Mimi's credibility was undermined after this incident!

[lilmashae]

I remember your poll from a while back with tutor!eunseok and was wondering if you could PLEASE please please elaborate on it??? BTW I like your blog a lott💗!!! Can i be 🦑 anon if you have them?

i'd be happy to elaborate :) and yes you can my love hi !

also i'm still not a fan of commas at the moment so i'll proofread and edit later !

tutor eunseok is so strict but it's only because he loves his pretty girl so much — no matter how much of a brat you are.

you piss him off all of the time: with your cute little miniskirts and constant teasing. he does his best to ignore you even if it's difficult for him — but when he reaches his limit it usually results in him fucking you senseless... whenever and wherever you are doesn't matter. eunseok'll find a way to get you behaving:

he's good for that. if he has to fuck you in the library bathroom to get you comprehending what he's saying... he will. "fuck! wait what if someone hears us? we're in public 'seokie!" he'd scoff before bending you over the restroom sink. "you didn't care about that earlier when you were trailing your hand up my thigh or when you were trying to slick touch my dick did you?" he landed a hard slap on your ass pulling your skirt up. "you haven't learned anything have you pretty girl? can you tell me what we were reading?" no you couldn't — you knew and so did he. you gulped. "i... we were reading..." you felt another firm slap land on the soft plush of your ass. "you can't."

needless to say he fucked it into you — that and his cum by yanking your panties to the side. he slid his fat cockhead into the tight warmth of your sopping cunt. "shit... 'got to fuck you stupid just so you can focus? 'so tight... ah... r-remember to... fuck! listen when i'm t-talking yeah?" you feverishly nodded your brain felt foggy feeling his girth stretch you out — his tip repeatedly kissing your g-spot buried in your gummy walls.

he's extremely efficient... his teaching methods are beyond effective and show incredible results — even if the method is lying on your back and making you recite your notes while he relentlessly thrusts into you. your tutor's very flexible — versatile... so of course these methods range from pinching your nipples whenever you get a question wrong to burying his thick fingers deep inside of your cunt as he reads off your essay and makes the necessary corrections:

"it's like you aren't even listening to me..."

"this is wrong... shit... how can you be wet right now — your grammar's awful y/n."

but he's not so mean... when you're good — he'll reward you by sweetly kissing your lips. he'll be even more proud when his pretty girl brings home full point assignments.

"look! 'seokie do you see it?" you're ecstatic. it's the first time you've gotten every single problem correct. "i'm so proud of you baby!" his arms snake around your waist and pull you into a tight embrace. "eunseok? thanks for helping me..." admittedly he was surprised hearing you express your gratitude. eunseok peeled you off of him pulling your face out of his chest. "aw look at you pretty girl... getting high marks and using your manners? you deserve a reward don't you — for being such a good girl?" you nodded eagerly.

but even wen eunseok's nice... he's still an absolute menace.

he could see how eager you were — desperate to be rewarded. "should i..." he lazily strung his words dragging them slowly on and on. "should i eat you out? or..." agonizingly slow... "or should i finger your cute little cunt until you're a squirming mess? maybe... i could just split you open on my cock? what do you think baby?" your cunt was already throbbing at the thought. you were desperate for whatever he wanted to give you. "how about all of it? hm? does my pretty girl want me to fuck her til she's overstimulated and stupid?" there was a sly grin forming on his face — he knew that's exactly what you wanted.

guidelines and disclaimers | i like this a lot. i might write up a part two or a full fic !?

[hauntedwitch04]

Owl

Modern!Rhysand x reader

Words: about 1.0k words

Warnings: some angst but than is totally fluff and happy, rhysie is just a lovey dovey

Author’s note: Hi everybody! Sorry to be this late, life is just being crazy right now. I hope you like this, even if I know it's note exactly my best!

P.s this is the result of a sleepy trip on the train to get at uni :), like every oneshot I'm writing btw ahahah

Requests are open I Ask

My masterlist

Join the Taglist

Buy me a coffee - Patreon submission

🎃Halloween party 🎃

DAY 9: "Did you really gift me an owl?" "You love the little one from Harry Potter, so i thought it would be a good gift."

You have known Rhys since you were very young, but even today you are still sometimes amazed at the shit he can pull off.

Your father worked for his father at the Night C. Corporation, was his right-hand man, and that always allowed the two of you to hang out and play together. As you grew up then you became closer and closer, being part of the same group of friends and supporting each other in the escapes you both made from your homes, tired of the toxic environment you lived in.

You never had a good relationship with or your own, and because of that you considered her mother to be your own, since she also considered you essentially a daughter.

You were beside him in all the moments of his life, both the good and the bad. You were by his side even as he buried his mother and sister, whom you also regarded as a younger sister and loved sincerely, who died in a car accident with the father of what was once his best friend, Tamlin, who was hardly hurt in the accident.

At the funeral, you had seen him shed only one tear, a single drop of weeping had run down his face during the entire event, as he stood next to his father, who as always had a hard, impenetrable gaze, although this time in his eyes you could actually see the pain of loss. Rhys had only let himself go with you, when you had gone to his room in the evening to tell him you were going home and to say good night. He had fallen to the floor in front of you, hugging your knees as he cried in despair, immediately you had lowered yourself to his level and hugged him, letting him vent in the crook of his neck as I gently stroked his back.

Eventually you had fallen asleep hugging him as you held him close, since he had asked you to stay and if he could hold you because he needed human contact, or rather he needed to feel you close.

A few months after this had happened his father had also died, however, from natural causes, leaving him holding his entire empire when he was little more than a boy.

You even here never abandoned him and helped him to run what was left to him, and he in return had appointed you vice president. Many had not appreciated this choice, along with that of hiring his most various friends on the board, and he in response had simply fired them.

And that brings us to where we are today. You just closed a deal today with Helion, the CEO of the Day&Day Company, and in keeping with tradition Rhys gave you a gift. You had taken the rounds of giving you a gift every time someone closes a deal after you had muddled through a virtually impossible one, and Rhys wanted to thank you.

You laugh thinking about what Rhys could have gotten you; last time it was a pink cowboy hat that now hangs above your bed. You enter his studio and are greeted by an incredible image.

Rhys is behind his desk, behind a small cage, inside of which is an owl inside.

"Whose owl is it?" You ask bewilderedly, as you approach. It's really beautiful, and you can't help but touch its feathers, feeling how biting they are.

"Yours." Your friend simply says, as he walks around the table to come beside you and put an arm around your shoulders.

"Did you really gift me an owl?" Ask shocked and amused at the same time.

"You love the little one from Harry Potter, so i thought it would be a good gift." He responds as if it were the most obvious thing.

"You are not well my darling." You comment before turning to him and looking into his eyes. "Thank you, though. I've always wanted an owl, ever since I saw Harry Potter when I was little." You finish laughing as you hug him.

He returns the gesture, but not before whispering something in your ear.

"They had thought of another gift also, however, I need to know if you want it or not." Rhys says, pulling away from the embrace a little, but still holding me in his arms.

It has been a few years now that the slight boundary between friendship and something more is becoming more and more blurred, constantly flirting with each other or through gestures that blatantly no two friends would ever make, so much so that your friends do nothing but tease you.

"And what would that be?" You ask in a whisper. He adjusts a strand of your hair, then approaches your ear again.

"Well a dinner in your favorite restaurant, at seven o'clock, just you, me and a bottle of wine." He proposes, and looking into his eyes you understand perfectly that tonight the relationship between the two of you will inevitably change, you have been pretending not to know this for too many years now by covering your eyes, but at the same time you cannot wait for the moment when it will happen.

"You can count on it." You respond by leaving him a kiss on his cheek, already dreaming of receiving a different kind of kiss from him this evening.

[drawingdroid]

The Unknown Regions IV

A Din Djarin x Fem Plus Size Reader Fic

Summary: You, a soft astrophysicist, meet the hardened Mandalorian in less-than-ideal circumstances. Your abilities will lead to you crossing the galaxy together in search of his green son.

Read Chapter 1 | Read Chapter 2 | Read Chapter 3

This chapter is rated +18! Minors do not interact!

Warnings: Expect conversations about weight, body dysmorphia and internalised fatphobia that may be triggering, so read at your own discretion; reader is AFAB and user she/her pronouns; no use of y/n; smut; the bucket stays on; naked female clothed male; hurt and comfort; Sad Din :(

Word count: 3,745

A/N: Din and you have a misunderstanding and actually talk openly about it like ADULTS! I love fiction!!! Finally, smut is here dear readers, I hope you enjoy it. I've struggled like crazy to write this chapter bc smut felt forced and I wanted a smoooth transition. I am not super happy with the result, but hey, I need to know when to let go. I've been thinking this would be interesting from Din's pov too, lemme know what you think. And yes, I know I don't respond to any comments I love reading them but anxiety kills me when I hit reply! I'm so sorry!!!

🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐🪐

You were so focused on your calculations that you didn't notice Din observing you. Leaning against the doorframe casually, the bounty hunter had his gaze fixated on you. He was stealthy for such a big man, so when his gloved hand gently touched your shoulder your heart skipped a beat.

“¡Mando!” You jumped from your seat. He immediately retrieved his touch as if he had been burnt.

“Sorry I…I didn't want to startle you.”

He looked so uncomfortable right now you felt bad for him. Well, had seemed uncomfortable around you for the two weeks you had been travelling together, so that wasn’t new. You were sure your presence around the ship had prevented him from relaxing at all. It was normal, its size had you clashing with each other all the time and it didn’t provide any privacy. And the Razor Crest, you have learnt, was also his home. Well, his and Grogu's.

He told you about the little one a night he was being especially silent. The moon you had stopped at looked inhabited and arid. He commented it was similar to Arvala-7, the planet where he found the child. After that, you listened while he spoke about how he met his son. His beautiful voice was full of pain and you ended up offering your hand for relief and support. He was hesitant but ended up accepting your warm touch.

Since then, casual physical contact had been a constant between you. With the days passing, you grew bolder with it, no longer squishing yourself to prevent your bodies from touching in the tight space of the Crest, and more like rubbing your plush body against his armour. A friendly hand on his shoulder, his on the small of your back. Therere were brief moments that made your heart flutter at the contact.

The truth was that living together had only made your initial attraction to him grow: observing such a mighty warrior performing the little tasks of day-to-day life was somewhat endearing. The things you could learn about someone just by looking at them at their little routines were incredible. You realized he was a methodical, goal-oriented man, and although he looked serious he did things like speaking with his ship when you wouldn't notice. He was also very caring, not only about Grogu but also his covert, the name he used to refer to the other Mandalorians he lived among. And he had the highest respect for his culture and his creed, something you really admired about him. Every day, you hoped he admired you back, too.

“Don’t worry about it, I tend to become so self-absorbed when I work I forget my surroundings.” You fidgeted nervously with your hair, feeling the burn of his gaze, until his visor shifted to the nav system. “Oh, I calculated the coordinates for the final jump and double-checked them. It’ll take around 30 standard hours to arrive there.” 

Since you were travelling towards uncharted space, you couldn’t just jump to the planet, even though you knew the coordinates it was reckless without knowing the obstacles you could possibly meet, so it was more sensible to do it on shorter jumps.

“Let me check.” Mando leaned towards the console, supporting himself in his strong arms. You hoped your gasp at his sudden closeness wasn’t too audible.

“Are you doubting my calculations?” You meant to sound sassy but your voice came shaky. He was too close, hovering over you while checking the route. If your body wasn’t covered due to the cold of outer space, he could have noticed the goosebumps his proximity provoked.

“You can't drive a ship.” He deadpanned. You didn't feel bad about his affirmation, it was a fact. You had never had the opportunity to learn.

“I know my numbers, Mando.” You retorted, confident in your ability. He stared at you while you tried to remain unbothered. The truth was that the banter and his physical closeness had you a little flushed.  His gaze finally left you to resume checking the panel and you rolled your eyes, although you understood his doubts. After all, his child and his ship were at stake 

“This is flawless.” He admitted after a while, turning his helmet to you again.”Good job.” You opened your eyes widely at the praise and observed his muscular frame towering over you. His beskar looked beautiful, reflecting the starry space. He looked beautiful.

“I’m happy to help in any way I can.” You responded in a small voice, swallowing hard. 

Neither of you moved for a while and you sighed involuntarily.  With how close you were, you could just lean on him as you had been longing to do. To be embraced by his big arms. He sighed, his visor not leaving your frame. You wondered if he felt the pull too. He had to. The magnetic field was just too strong.

“Mando…” He shifted his position, coming even closer to you. You could observe your doe-eyed reflection in his Beskar helmet. He raised his gloved hand and reached for your round shoulder again. This time his touch was gentler than ever and his orange thumb caressed your clothed skin. Mouth dry, you wondered what would his next step be.

“I need…my seat to make the jump.” 

The spell broke. Your brain was not computing. You swore you could die right there from the embarrassment. Of course, you were sitting on the pilot's chair. He only wanted your fat ass to move. And you thought you were having a moment. What an idiot, fantasizing about embracing him or whatever, when he only wanted to resume the trip to get to his son as soon as possible.

Clumsily, you stood up, your face hot with embarrassment. Inevitably, your bodies rubbed in the tiny space. You were a big woman, he was practically on you and the cockpit wasn’t precisely ample.

“Of course.” 

The feeling was all-consuming and you rushed towards the sliding door, abandoning the cockpit in a heartbeat. You couldn’t see how a very confused Mando observed you leaving, asking himself how he had offended you.

Tears of embarrassment stained your cheeks when you managed to curl inside the bunk. Mando had been so kind to let you sleep there, and you had been loving it. The first night you couldn't help yourself and used your fingers to make you cum three times. His masculine fragrance was everywhere. It was like being embraced by him and your imagination was an overactive one. 

But now, having his scent kriffing everywhere wasn’t helping to deflect the feeling of rejection that had taken you. Why were you being like this? Of course, it wasn’t the first time you were turned down. Or the tenth. By now, you should be used to it. But nevertheless, it hurt a lot. 

All your life, you were always the clever, bright friend. The daughter who didn’t cause trouble. The gentle and caring one. But you were never called beautiful. Even by your romantic partners. They may say things about how they loved your “fat ass” or “big tits” but this didn’t make you feel pretty but just objectified, and especially, not truly seen as a sentient being. The worst of your male companions even complained about your size and how they weren’t able to manhandle you as they would have done with a smaller woman. You knew this was rooted in their deepest insecurities and how being perceived as smaller than their partner affected their self-esteem... But what about yours?

The truth was that Mando’s gesture (or lack of it) hadn’t been so hurtful, but the stream of memories it triggered, and now you found yourself sobbing under his sheets. When you felt the familiar blow of entering hyperspace, you only hoped that he remained in the cockpit and let you hide for the rest of the trip. But he didn’t.

First, you heard the familiar footsteps coming down from the ladder. He cleared his throat and then knocked softly at the bunk's door. Your blood froze.

“Hey I'm…I'm sorry.” You could clearly hear these weren't words he said often or lightly. A knot formed in your stomach but the tears stopped.

“It 's okay.” You responded with a raspy voice from the crying.

“No, I shouldn't have doubted your route. You're the professional.”

You couldn't decide between bursting into laughter or crying again. He was clueless, wasn't he? Maybe you could just roll with that and hide your true feelings. It was a good opportunity and it’ll save you from an uncomfortable moment. But you weren't the kind of person to do that.

“Mando, do you really think I'm mad because of that?” A pensive hum was his only response.

The bunk's door opened and a very confused warrior appeared right in front of you. Your eyes were red but your smile was bright. You felt your heart hammering inside your chest. He looked so helpless, all his self-assurance gone because of your tears. You sighed, gathering the courage to speak.

“In the cockpit, there was a moment when you were very close to me...” Mando immediately stiffened.

“I'm so sorry if I made you uncomfortable because of that. I thought…” His voice was strained through the modulator. You shook your head.

“I'm the one who misunderstood the situation, Mando.” You stared at him but it was clear his metal head wasn't computing. “ You were almost all over me. I thought something was going to happen. Between us.” You had to clarify.

The gears inside the helmet started turning and finally, you could see those broad shoulders relax a bit.

“You expected…you wanted something to happen between us?” He asked using your own words. You bit your lip unsure, but you were already too far gone to stop this.

“Yes Mando, I really like you and what happened in the cockpit made me feel rejected. That's why I was mad.” This time you tried to explain yourself clearly as you didn't want more misunderstandings, even though your skin felt like molten lava. Mando remained silent for a while, shifting his weight and finally took a step towards the bunk, putting a hand against the frame of the door.

“Why would I reject you?” 

“What?” It wasn't possible you had heard that right.

“You've understood me perfectly.” His voice turned darker and commanding. You swallowed at the sudden change of demeanour. 

“I don't know. Many have rejected me before. It made sense.” You felt vulnerable and hugged your knees trying to appear smaller unconsciously. Opening up about your fear of rejection wasn't in your plans today. “Where I come from, being overweight is frowned upon.” You added in a small voice, ashamed of your feelings.

“Di’kute!” He grunted the foreign word, audibly angry. To your surprise, he sat next to you inside the cot and grabbed your hand. “You're a gorgeous woman, mesh’la. They were bantha fodder if they couldn't appreciate you.”

It may have been your already sensitive state, but tears came again to you. His faceless stare burnt you, as well as his body heat inside the tiny space. But he continued with the praise without letting go of your hand.

“Where I come from fat is a good signal. It means health, and strength. Extra padding in battle.” You giggled but he was serious. “It's synonymous with peace and not living off ration bars. It means giving birth to healthy younglings.” He added the last point in a raspier voice and you stopped breathing thinking about the meaning behind those words. 

“Mando…”

“Come here mesh’la.” You didn't recognise the last word but obeyed and the next moment you were in his lap. “Can I touch you?” His voice sounded kinder this time, less commanding. Your heart was going to explode.

“Please.” 

And then his hands were all over you. Tracing the outline of your curves, grabbing the supple flesh of your tights, grazing over your generous bust. The touch was so intoxicating, passionate but slow, as if he wanted desperately to memorize your shape.

“Your body is precious, I'll put a hole between the eyes of whoever made you feel the opposite.” You had never felt aroused by violence, but Mando's voice whispering that in your ear made things to you. It felt so hot inside the bunk by then you felt the necessity to get rid of your clothing. Nevertheless, in spite of Mando's praise, you doubted when you grabbed the hem of your tunic. He sensed your hesitancy. “Are you gonna show me that beautiful armour padding?”

You giggled, amused by how playful he became in bed, and finally removed the piece of clothing. His sharp breath was everything you needed to hear.

“Like what you see Mando?” You teased, discarding the tunic and feeling a bit more confident because of his reaction. While he was a victim of a momentary paralysis, you took your chance to caress his biceps where any armour protected his skin. He was as hard as Beskar there and you thought this warrior could be the first to actually manhandle you. That thought only contributed to the heat growing in your centre dangerously.

“Dank Farrik I don’t think I’ll be able to keep my hands off you after this.” His voice sounded pained behind the vocoder while he appreciated your soft body.

“Then don’t.” You coed, and then guided his hands to your breasts that were spilling from your bra dangerously. Mando exhaled loudly as if all the tension he had been holding the last weeks was released. His gloved thumbs found your nipples fast, the stiff material feeling so good against your sensitive peaks. “Don’t be afraid, you can be rougher with them.”

Mando actually moaned at your honeyed words and you couldn’t name a more heavenly sound. He explored your tits with devotion, giving them all the attention in the world until your nipples couldn’t be harder and your breathing more agitated. But then, after some time hovering over his legs, yours started to feel numb from sustaining the position so you had to move a bit to feel your muscles again.

“Sorry, my legs went numb.” You excused yourself, but in a heartbeat, his hands shifted to your plush hips and you got the hint. 

“Sit.”

“I’ll crush you.” Looking away, your previous self-confidence cracked a bit after his petition. You were too heavy, he will be uncomfortable and then…

“I carry bounties three times my weight for a living.” With the cocky affirmation, he interrupted your racing thoughts before spiralling. “I’ll be okay.”

You haven’t seen him in action yet, but the image of the Mandalorian manoeuvring a bounty out of pure strength made you shiver, yielding to his command. But you wouldn’t drown without dragging him with you.

“Stars woman!” He grunted when your clothed cunt made contact with his bulge. Not satisfied enough with that, you rolled your hips a couple of times to torture him further. Your plan backfired, as it provoked both of you to moan in unison.

“You wanted me…to sit.” You sassed between laboured breaths. Mando growled in response, but his hands travelled to your behind until they were grabbing a handful of your round ass.

“Do you know where else I’d want you to sit?” His voice was raspier than ever, the desire on it crystal clear to you. He really wanted you.

“Mando!” This playful side of him was unexpected but you were loving every moment of it. He took advantage of his leverage to move you impossibly closer to him, making you squirm when your sensitive nipples touched the colder beskar of his cuirass. Your hands snaked around his thick neck and you found yourself completely squished against your huge warrior. His erection felt so hot and hard between your legs that your cunt only grew wetter and wetter, making you wonder if he could notice. Then he started to move and soon you were moaning in the crook of his neck, grinding like a loth-cat in heat.

“Please mesh’la, let me make you feel as good as you deserve.” All the cockiness of his tone was done when he asked you with the most laboured breathing. His hands started caressing your spine and back rolls and you were a puddle in his strong arms. 

“Let me…let me get up to remove my pants.” He indeed let you, but his hands didn´t, and while you stood to remove the last of your clothes, he continued exploring your body completely mesmerized. “Mando, I can’t undress if you don’t put your hands away!” You giggled standing on the threshold of the bunk waiting for him to realize. His helmet turned up to look at you then as if he was weighing his possibilities.

“Allow me to undress you, please.” The tone of his plead made you shiver and your cunt walls spasm. Your noded suddenly shy and the next moment he was on his knees unfastening your boots. Maker, what a sight.

When he finished with your footwear, he removed your shocks and started caressing your ankles, going up your calves painfully slowly until he finally reached the waistband of your pants. By then, you were shivering out of pure anticipation. But he still took the time to discard first your pants leaving you in your soaked underwear. He stopped and removed his hands for you to your surprise. Maybe he was having second thoughts? Maybe he didn’t like what he saw?

Your thoughts didn’t spiral for long, as Mando started removing his gloves still kneeling at your feet. Your eyes went wide: it was the first time you saw any of his skin. Gloves finally apart, you could appreciate it was a beautiful hue of gold before his thumbs were hooked in your panties. Without seeing his expression, you could feel the reverence in every touch Of his. It was like you were something holy and he was praying at your shrine. Then it hit you: this wasn’t just a fuck for both of you. This will change things.

“You’re drenched mesh’la.” The last piece of clothing was finally removed and his curious hands didn’t take long to open the folds of your glistening cunt. You looked away a bit embarrassed but he assured you. “You’re so beautiful and soft I can't help myself but...”

Then he did the most surprising thing. With his fingers covered with your slick, he went to the inferior part of his helmet and made disappear. He yas kriffing tasting you.

“Dank Farrik and you taste heavenly too.” Things became fast in a moment. He suddenly stood up in all his imposing height, totally covered in contrast with your nakedness, grabbed your but and in a heartbeat was lifting you from the floor. You squirmed in surprise, your legs rapidly snaking around his tapered waist, feeling all the whole glory of his erection against your pussy. He then turned in his heels and laid you in his bed delicately. But you weren’t playing tame anymore.

“Mando, I need you please.” Your plea was accompanied by a roll of your hips against the bulge on his pants, and you moaned at the sensation of the harsh fabric against the sensitive skin there. Mando grunted at the contact and obeyed you, removing his crossbody ammo belt. You continued the grinding while he battled with the straps of his hip belt, pleasuring yourself against his hard cock, until the leather piece full of pouches hit the ground with a loud thud. 

Finally, his hot hands were all over you again and he leaned over your body. But then, he froze in place. You looked at him quizzically when you heard something metallic rolling on the floor. Maybe something important? Maker, you knew he kept bombs on the belt…

“Wait,” he said, leaving you naked in the bunk where you experienced the worst ten seconds of your life thinking you were going to be blown away before having sex with the Mandalorian. But his absence was brief, and he returned with a spherical object between his golden fingers. Something you didn’t recognize at all.

“Is it a bomb?” You asked clueless. He chucked but there was something off about it. 

“It’s from a lever in the cockpit.” You sighed in relief knowing your life or his weren’t in danger. Noticing how he wouldn’t stop looking at the metal ball, you knew he wasn’t okay. Finding your tuning between the mess of sheets and blankets, you put it on and sat on the edge of the cot. You didn’t feel annoyed because the intimate moment was interrupted: it was clear something was disturbing him.

“Hey, Mando, look at me.” You asked, holding his bare wrists most delicately. He flinched at the contact and you noticed his pulse was derailed. Then he looked at you like he had just noticed you were there and started apologising.

“I’m so sorry I…” It looked like he didn’t even know how to start explaining himself. You’ll say he sounded even embarrassed.

“It’s okay, I’m not upset. We don’t have to continue if you don’t feel like it.” His shoulders slumped and his gaze fixated again on the ball. And then you noticed, by the light shivering of his torso. He was crying. Your heart broke in a thousand pieces. “Come here, baby.”  You cooed, opening your arms to the Mandalorian, hoping you could offer some relief to whatever he was experiencing. 

To your surprise, he fell to his knees again and then sank his helmet into your lap. His shoulders were convulsing more visibly now and your chest hurt for him. You started caressing the back of his neck, hoping it felt soothing for him, and remained like that for a while.

“I’ve got you baby.”

You didn’t know how much time it passed with Mando sobbing against your tunic and you doing your best to make him feel better, but after a while, it looked like he was calmer.

“I already lost him once.” His voice was coarse from crying, and even though the lack of context you knew immediately he was referring to Grogu.

“We’ll find him and take him home, Mando.” You responded softly, feeling something warm spread inside you and not stopping for a second your caresses.

“Din.” He finally unburied his head from your lap and looked at you. “My name is Din Djarin.”

[lunar-years]

do you have any hurt/comfort jamie fic recs? looking for physical injury in particular, but i’m a sucker for emotional hurt/comfort too :)

of course! here u go

Gen -

held onto hope (like a noose, like a rope) by scarlettroses - tw James Tartt Sr. abuse; emotional hurt/comfort and it's heavy but it's so good! Jamie's dad is very ill and Roy & Keeley etc. help him through that.

My troubles are all over, and I am at home by Vamillepudding - tw James Tartt Sr./canon-typical abuse; canon divergence where Roy sees Jamie and his dad in the boot room during the season one finale, instead of Ted

The Hedgehog's Dilemma by @kvetchinglyneurotic - tw James Tartt Sr./canon typical abuse; season one canon divergence where Jamie's dad calls him and insists he come up to Manchester, right after Jamie got benched. Roy worries about where he's at and then we go on a fun speedrun of character development & friendship :)

every emotion that i'm meant to express by @babytarttdoodoo : Jamie has a panic attack during Mom City and Roy & Keeley help him through

Lemons and Lavender by LivingProof - tw James Tartt Sr.; a car accident puts Jamie in the hospital, his dad comes to see him but luckily Roy and Ted are close behind

Roy/Jamie -

I Get By With a Little Help by @belmottetower - tw rape facilitated by James Tartt Sr.; Jamie rape recovery hurt/comfort with, as the tags imply, much more comfort than hurt. There is also a second part with even more comfort :)

Somethin' Stupid by @catalogercas - appendicitis on the bus to an away game! oh no! Not yet complete but chapter 2 of 3 was posted today and it is amazing.

Falling Up by @catalogercas - amnesia!Jamie. all that from doing headers with Phoebe :( it's not super angsty and in fact is very cute. Jamie even meets the yoga mums in the funniest way. incredible content.

i watched the world without knowing what to look for by buckstiel -future fic about the injury that ends Jamie's career

Roy/Jamie/Keeley -

the body of someone you love by @goodmorninglovelies42 - Jamie gets into a minor car accident and needs stitches, Roy does not handle this well

Love Me For Who I Am (Where I Am) by pepperlandgirl4 - Jamie is injured during a match and it results in temporary amnesia shortly after rjk all get together

Chase All The Ghosts From Your Head by @valonia47 - tw for implied homophobia; Jamie is beat up by a crazy City fan at a nightclub with plenty of comfort afterwards from Roy, Keeley & his mum <3

bruised like violets by inlovewithnight - tw stalkers/kidnapping - Jamie gets abducted and it's very scary for everyone involved... but luckily there is a happy ending and lots of comfort! :)

the blood in your mouth, I wish it was mine by inlovewithnight - tw non-con, Rupert Mannion; I feel like i put this on every rec list lmao but i truly do love it. very dark but the rjk comfort is sooooo my everything

they threw me a whirlwild and I spat back the sea by inlovewithnight - tw abuse/semi-graphic description of hand injury; James Tartt Sr.'s mates pay Jamie a visit, Jamie calls Keeley (and by extension, Roy) to help get him to the hospital

no amount of coffee, no amount of crying by shampoobaby - allergies!! classic sickfic, Jamie has hay fever :( poor bb

P.S. If you are one of these authors and I have not tagged your tumblr it simply means I do not know it, but please drop me a comment or message if you'd like and I will update the list with your blog accordingly :)

[blossomwritesthings]

𝐝𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐞𝐞𝐥 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝? 𝐢𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞. | 𝐚 𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐦 𝐛𝐫𝐞𝐰𝐢𝐧𝐠

part three of do you feel my hand? it is there. | part one | part two | part four | part five | part six | part seven | part eight | part nine | part ten | part eleven | part twelve

pairing: minho x fem!reader (afab)

genre: veterinarian!minho (this includes a few of the skz members working in his clinic). client!reader. hurt/comfort. angst. fluff. smut - MDNI, 18+ only. reader pov. strangers to lovers au. slowburn romance. lots of pining.

content & warnings: explicit & strong language. very thematic elements. minho is reader's vet. reader's childhood cat suddenly gets diagnosed with cancer, and she has to make a big decision about what to do. this fanfic includes heavy topics like: pet euthanasia, extreme loss/grief, depression, the problems with pet healthcare, and more. there will be some humor/fluff placed throughout, and also smut somewhere along the way. :))

18+ warnings: slight hints of masterbation. sexual fantasies.

word count: 4.2k

summary: dr. lee minho is known throughout your area as the city's hottest veterinarian, and he's also the very man that's been taking good care of your two cats for the past three years. but one day, you're thrown down a dark path of heartache when the cat that you've grown up with - nyx - is diagnosed with an acute form of bone cancer. burdened with the hardest decision of your entire life, you come at a crossroads of what to do. and throughout it all, minho is the single most person who continually stays by your side.

a/n: rewarding you guys with this update tonight as it's my birthday and i was feeling a little generous haha! 🥰 i am seriously SO overwhelmed by the positive response i've gotten on this little series of mine... it makes me incredibly happy to hear that a lot of you are enjoying this. i'm have about two-and-a-half draft chapters left to write to reach completion of this, and i'm excited for the big writing plans that i have in the future, so please look forward to that as well~ 💖

🐈‍⬛ - ̥۪͙۪˚┊❛ other cool stuff ❜┊˚ ̥۪͙۪◌! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋread my rules & guidelines here! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋcheck out my skz masterlist! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋmy wip list! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋ skz fic recs [sfw ver]! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋskz fic recs [nsfw ver]! :: 18+, MDNI! ࿐ྂ

. . . ⇢ ˗ˏˋback to navigation! ࿐ྂ

ᴅᴏ ɴᴏᴛ ʀᴇᴘᴏsᴛ ᴛᴏ ᴏᴛʜᴇʀ sɪᴛᴇs (ᴛʜɪs ɪɴᴄʟᴜᴅᴇs ᴛʀᴀɴsʟᴀᴛɪᴏɴs). ©ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs ⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

 The next six months passed in a blur of emotion and grief. Most days, it was hard to even force yourself out of bed. You just didn’t feel like doing anything - resulting in your dingy apartment growing filthy with uncleanliness. Boxes of takeout were sprawled across the kitchen counter, bottles of soju and wine - which you had been using to drown out your sorrows - were in every corner of the living room, and your bed was perpetually unmade. 

 You felt like you wore the same two outfits every single day - slacks and a blouse to work, and then baggy sweatpants and a hoodie as soon as you got home. But you couldn’t bring yourself to change - to clean, or to switch up your clothes. 

 It was even hard to eat. You felt nauseous most mornings, so you opted to skip breakfast and instead grab a quick snack at lunch which you forced down your dry throat. 

 Because fuck- was your throat dry. 

 It was mainly due to all of the crying, which would commence every time you would arrive home at night and walk into an apartment that was void of her. You saw Nyx in every corner, every surface of your place. The remnants of her life - of her memories - were hidden in the very fabric of your being and your grungy hovel that you called home. From the way that her food and water bowls were still right next to Taffy’s, how the comfy blanket she liked to curl up in was still positioned on the edge of your living room couch, and the box of her favorite treats that were still sitting atop your kitchen counter, opened long ago and left to grow stale from the chilly air. 

 Taffy was somewhat of a comfort, as she could no doubt sense your change in demeanor. Every time you’d break down into a fit of tears when you walked through your front door after a long, arduous day at work, she’d prance over to you and nuzzle her head into your folded-up legs. She’d lay beside you in bed late at night when the tears would finally stop falling but your heart squeezed and squeezed the life right out of you. 

 Because that’s what it felt like- 

 Like life was slipping right out of your hands, 

 From under your feet, you were slowly falling down that deep, dark hole. 

 But you just couldn’t seem to get yourself out of it, no matter how hard you tried. And try you did - as you forced yourself to go an entire week without breaking down. But then you saw an ad on tv that marketed a nearby cat cafe, and you ugly-cried for the next three days straight. 

 And through the worst of it all, you hated to ask for help. You knew that it was one of your biggest problems, the fact that you had a sort of inability to reach out to others when you needed a helping hand. 

 You all but shut down at work, resisting the invites of co-workers that were going to local clubs. You just sat down at your desk every day, forcing yourself to focus on your work before you could finally go home and sob the night away. 

 And the clinic- 

 Fuck, the clinic. 

 You hadn’t been back there since the day Nyx passed. 

 It just felt too depressing, to try and step foot in the place where she had been laid to rest. What once was a warm and comforting place now left a bitter taste in your mouth. You avoided the building at all costs, instead opting to walk side streets in case you ever needed to pass by it. 

 The pain was too real and raw for you to ever try visiting the clinic again, so you decided that you’d stop altogether and instead find a different place, that was just as close to your apartment but didn’t hold so many horrible memories for you. 

 After all, you’d probably die a slow death if something happened to Taffy because of your inability to take her to a vet. So at the six-month mark, you managed to find a nearby clinic that had relatively low prices. The veterinarian was nice enough, but she was quite serious and mainly only talked business with you. Thankfully, Taffy checked out in perfect health and the doctor recommended that you wait to bring her in until she hit her third birthday, which would be in about a year. 

 The doctor was amiable, but… 

Nothing like Dr. Lee. 

 And the thought of him was fresh in your mind the entire time that you visited the new clinic. The staff at Starry Skies also took up a lot of your focus, as you pondered on the gentleness they had all shown you during such a difficult time in your life. 

 But most of all, your previous local veterinarian kept stirring your heart the entire time that you sat in front of your new one. 

 And you couldn't help but compare her to him- 

 And how he’d always greet you with a warm smile and always laugh whenever you told him one of your stupid jokes. How he was so incredibly nice to everyone he came across, and how delicate he treated the animals at his clinic. But especially Nyx and Taffy… 

 He had had a special bond with your two cats, and you hated to take that away so suddenly. 

 However, the pain of going back there was just too much for you to endure. 

 So instead, you decided to work through your feelings about the old clinic - about Dr. Lee - and put everything to rest before you made a mistake that you knew you’d regret soon after… like dropping by the clinic late one night, unexpectedly. Like you had done that one time when Nyx had given you a big scare. 

 Even still, you caught yourself often pondering if he felt the same way… if he missed your presence at all, even a tiny bit. After all, you had been his client for over three years and had grown quite close throughout all of your visits. But the silence on his end was pretty blatant of his feelings on it all - that you were just another client who had lost touch with his services, and nothing more. Granted, the clinic’s front desk had tried to call you a few times after Nyx’s final day, but you had refused to answer any of the calls, and soon, they stopped altogether. 

 In the end, he was just your veterinarian. He wasn’t supposed to be anything else, anything more. The relationship there was supposed to remain stagnant and professional, no matter what. 

 So why, then, did you find it so hard to get over it all? 

 Your mind and heart were acting like the two of you had been dating for five fucking years. When in reality, you had only shared a platonic acquaintanceship for a few years because of your damn cats. It wasn’t like he thought of you any differently than before, nothing had changed… except for him calling you by your first name, and him touching you so many times and- 

 And yeah, 

 You’d admit that sometimes, after a long bout of successfully pushing him out of your thoughts, 

 You’d… treat yourself. 

 Late at night. 

 But only on very rare occasions… 

 When you were so exhausted from work and searching for a release, 

 When your fingers found that all-too-sensitive part of you, your mind drifting off to fantasizing about him. And what he’d feel like, doing such things to do. 

 Afterward, when you’d wake up the next day to face another grueling routine of mourning Nyx and work, you’d banish any pondering that you had about him, shoving all of that darkness into the very depths of your heart until you’d dredge them up again sometime later. 

 You continued to do such a routine for a long time, and slowly, as the months continued to pass, you realized that the pain… wasn’t so bad anymore. It was still there, and you still cried a few times a month about it. But it just didn’t feel as palpable and potent anymore. Things were different now, not like they had been right after Nyx's passing. It felt like a part of you was missing, and everything seemed a little bit darker. But you knew that with time, things would get better. You would keep Nyx's memory alive in my heart, and you would focus on the good times you shared. Life goes on, and you would do your best to honor Nyx's legacy by living your life to the fullest.

Gradually, you noticed a slight improvement in the mending of your heart. Piece by piece, you were putting it back together every day, by doing things that brought you joy. Recently, you picked up the hobby of cooking. And it felt good- to throw yourself into something that wasn’t work or chores or running errands. Already you had made a handful of dishes in your tiny apartment’s kitchen. Granted, they were nothing special and on the bland side of things, but you didn’t mind… it was, fun. And you liked seeing the finished product in the end. It was satisfying and made you feel proud of yourself, for the progress that you were making, little by little. 

 When you hit the one-year mark of Nyx being gone, you came to the sudden realization that in the wake of your grief, you had been ignoring your other cat, Taffy. And you began to notice how, after you’d arrive home from work, she’d no longer happily greet you at the door, and instead stay lounging on the living room's couch. 

 This opened a huge pit in your heart, as it pained you to acknowledge the fact that you had been so focused on Nyx and her leaving your side that you failed to see your other cat, who was suffering from loneliness. 

 Hence, you decided to take her to that nearby cat cafe that had recently opened up in your neighborhood. You had seen the ads for it on your tv, and you liked the idea of Taffy getting out of your small apartment and playing with other cats. She was a young thing, and quite rambunctious, so you were sure that she felt the absence of Nyx just as much as you.

 It wasn’t until Saturday rolled around that you were able to visit the new cafe, as that was one of your only days off from work. The place was quite busy for being so early in the morning, and as you stepped through the front doors, you were greeted with the cloying aroma of coffee and freshly baked pastries. 

 The friendly-looking girl at the cash register welcomed you with a bright smile as you made your way up to the front counter. “Hi there! Welcome to Cats & Cupcakes! What can I get you this morning?” 

 You motioned to Taffy, who was quietly meowing in her carrier to be let out as soon as she glimpsed the other cats that were roaming around the area. She was such a social butterfly - quite the opposite of you. “Uhm- I brought my cat along with me, I hope that’s okay?” 

 The young girl’s smile only grew wider as she caught sight of Taffy. “Oh my gosh, yes! We always welcome a new kitty around here! Just make sure you keep an eye on her during your visit.” 

 “Okay, thanks… Taffy here really needs some social time with other cats,” you laughed nervously, as you bent down and unzipped her carrier. Immediately, she shot out of the small black thing, scurrying over to a few of her furry friends that were playing with a faux mouse just off to the right of you. You couldn’t help the wide grin that bloomed across your face at the sight of her lively personality coming out so quickly. 

 “Will you be ordering anything today?” The girl at the register asked you then, forcing your attention away from your cat and onto the menu board that was hung just above her head. 

 “Yeah- I’m going to have a… lemon meringue cupcake and an iced chamomile tea, please.” With it being so late in the spring, the weather was finally warm enough for you to start drinking cold beverages again, which was one of the few pleasures in your life. 

 In no time at all, you were picking up your order at the front counter and finding a nearby table that was tucked into the very corner of the cafe. As you settled into the comfy armchair, your eyes followed Taffy around the room, as she chased a grey-coated chubby Scottish Fold. 

 You sat back in your seat, taking a sip of your chamomile tea and basking in the sunlight that shone down on you through the window to your left. The cafe was relatively small but bustling with activity. It was decorated with bright colors of violets and yellows, which painted everything in a rather cheerful mood. And of course, the many cats roaming around also helped to add to the atmosphere of happiness. 

 As you studied your surroundings, your eyes landed on the figure of a man sitting in a chair similar to yours. He was by himself, his head turned downward, as he was immersed in a thick book. But he looked so… familiar. From the way that the light blue sweater he was wearing clung to his shoulders, to the way that his brown-rimmed glasses slipped down the sharp bridge of his nose, and the way that his raven-black locks were slightly tousled from the windy morning. A large white cat was lying across his lap, dozing happily as he stroked its back with a hand. The way that his slender fingers gently combed through the kitty's fur lit up a part of your heart with fuzzy warmth. 

 He looked like someone you knew well, but you couldn’t quite place your finger on it…

 Just then, a young couple filed through the front doors of the cafe, the tiny bell jingling at the top of the door to signal their welcome. This serene noise prompted the man to peek up from his book and study the newcomers, his eyes landing on the sweet way that they were holding hands.

 And all at once, you completely froze in your place. 

 Spine going rigid, 

 Fingers clutching at your jeans, 

 Heart skipping over itself inside your chest. 

 Because holy fuck- there he was. 

 In all of his handsome, typical glory… 

 No wonder why you felt like you had recognized him. 

 Dr. Lee didn’t look any different from the last time you had seen him, which had already been over a year since Nyx had left your side on that fateful day. He still had that easiness about him, that gentle aura that radiated around him like a faint, glorious halo. 

 But before you could think about anything else, the fear was creeping up in your mind. About what he’d think of you, if he saw you here - at the cafe - after so long of ghosting him and his clinic, even after everything they had all done for you. You were scared that he’d be angry with you for not darkening the doorstep of Starry Skies ever since that past April. 

 And if you were honest, the sadness also played a role in your warring feelings. Seeing him reminded you of so many of your past emotions - of grief and depression and heartache. 

 Before you could do, or even think anything else, he was shifting in his chair again, his opaque, chestnut-brown eyes scanning the cafe around him lazily. 

 Then those expressive irises came across your face, jamming to a stop at the sight of you sitting there, all alone in the corner of the cafe. 

 And your heart sunk into the pit of your stomach. 

 From the way that remembrance automatically dawned on his face, 

 From the way that his eyes lightened in that way that you had been so used to before, 

 From the way that a slight grin cracked across his lips. 

 And suddenly, you couldn’t handle it anymore. 

 Not right then. 

 You didn’t want to face all of the sentiments of seeing him again - of having to talk to him, after everything that had happened in the past year.

 So in a hasty moment, you scooped up Taffy who had been playing near your feet, and gently put her in her carrier ignoring her meows of protest. Then all at once, you were shooting up from your seat and rushing out of the cafe, your shoulders brushing past a woman as she stepped in at the same time you were leaving.

 Since your apartment was fairly close to the cafe, you began to walk down the side street just outside of the restaurant, setting a quick pace. Ignoring the sounds of movement behind you. Trying to block out the sound of someone calling your name. 

 It wasn’t until you felt a hand clamp down on your forearm that you stopped in your tracks. With your back turned you could hear the distinct sound of heavy breathing. The air seemed to constrict and bend around you - shifting uncomfortably and turning irrevocably frigid at the oncoming dread that you expected to appear any second. 

 “Y/N.” 

 The way that he said your name- the way that it rolled off his tongue so effortlessly, compressed your heart in pain. Caused the blood to rush a little harder in your veins. Caused a zap of energy to coarse down the length of your spine, pooling deep in your belly. You felt everything at that moment - the painful heat of breath flowing from your form to the way that his touch against your covered arm burned like fire down to the very depths of your soul.

 “Why- why are you running away?” 

 And as much as you wanted to avoid the confrontation, as much as you didn’t want to talk to him again, you decided that there was no longer another option. Because he had you in his grasp, with his fingers pressing into your skin, stopping you right in your place. And as it would seem, it was quite impossible for you to ever try and fight him when he was clasping onto you so delicately.  

 “It’s… it’s too hard,” you began, voice quaking at the end of your words from the ache that squeezed at your heart. “Seeing you- it reminds me of everything.” You screwed your eyes shut, cringy inwardly at the confession.

 There was a few beats of silence then, and you wanted to turn around. At that moment, you wanted to see what he looked like as you spoke in that quiet, shaky tone of yours. You wanted to know what he was feeling, just by the way that his eyes would land on your face. 

 Then, he was speaking again, but this time, he was a lot quieter than before. “Is that why you stopped coming around?” 

 Coming around to the clinic. 

 Stopped visiting Starry Skies and using his services. 

 And yes- at the beginning, the reason for your absence was because of Nyx and your sorrow from losing her. But as the months stretched on, and you started to heal from the agony of her passing, you came to terms with the fact that it wasn’t just because of her.

 It was also the fact that upon your realization that you- 

 That you had feelings for Dr. Lee, 

 You were reminded of your lot in life, about your two opposite positions... that he was a rich doctor and you were just a poor woman barely scraping by with her 9-to-5 job. 

 Even still, that didn’t stop the feelings from bubbling up every time you randomly passed the clinic on your commute to run errands. That's why you decided to avoid it entirely after a while. 

 It was better that way- than trying to face and acknowledge the storm that had been brewing inside of you for so long, without you even realizing it was stirring in the first place. 

 You hadn’t noticed the warning signs until it was all too late, 

 And you were too head-over-heels for him. 

 For the man that was far too unreachable for you. 

“Yeah, that’s why.” You managed to lie, swallowing around the lump that was beginning to form in your throat. You clutched a little harder at the handle of Taffy’s carrier, and thankfully, she was quiet for the moment - she probably recognized the scent of him. Just like you did. 

 “Well, we all miss you at the clinic… the guys are always asking me when you’ll be back,” Dr. Lee started, still holding onto your arm. Like, if he let go, you’d disappear right before his eyes, never to be seen again. Like you had been doing for the past year. “I miss you… you were- one of my favorite clients.” 

 And there it was. 

 Your worst fear for why you never told him about your true feelings. 

 That he only thought of you as his client. 

 Simply a woman that came around every six months so that he could treat her cats. 

 Nothing more, and nothing less. 

 In an instant, you were suddenly glad that you hadn’t turned around - that he hadn’t forced you to. Because you didn’t want to see his face then. Not when he shoved you into the friend zone without even realizing it. Or maybe, he did realize it. Maybe, he had known about your feelings all along but had been ignoring them this whole time because he wanted to keep things professional. 

  Because he just didn’t feel the same way about you… 

 “Well, I should get going. Taffy here doesn’t like being cooped up in her carrier for too long.” 

 With that, you pulled your arm out of his hold. He hadn’t been gripping you harshly, so it was easy for you to release yourself. Almost like, he didn’t want to trap you at the moment. Like, if you didn’t like speaking to him, you’d easily be able to get away without any such fight having to be put up on your end. 

 As you took a few steps forward, Minho’s soothing voice graced your ears once more.“Y/N- wait.” This time, his tone was soft - possibly the gentlest you had ever heard it before. And it did something funny to your soul, caused a low-lit candle to burn in the chasms of your body. Like an ember that just couldn’t be put out. “I… we’re having a party at my place next Friday night to celebrate the clinic’s fourth anniversary of being open. It’s just gonna be me and the guys, and super chill and-”

 “I don’t know, Dr. Lee… I- I don’t want to invade your special time with your friends.” 

 “You wouldn’t be invading, Y/N.” 

 “Still- I just-”

 “Say you’ll come. Please.” 

 The slight desperation that dripped into his baritone caused a profound stir inside of you, igniting something dark and murky in the pit of your mind. It was confusing yet exhilarating all at once, as this high-caliber man practically begged you to come to his homey party. And yeah- it’d probably be awkward as fuck at first since you hadn’t seen everyone in so long. But… you were off of work, and… it was at his place. Which was somewhere you’d always been curious about, if you had to be honest with yourself. 

“Okay, okay- I’ll go.” You finally said, looking down at your feet to try and hide the smile that crept across your mouth at the thought of spending more time with him. Because even if it hurt you- even if he wasn’t the right one, maybe a single night of partying with him would quell the ache inside of you. Would douse the blaze that was alight in your very being just by the thought of him alone. 

 “Great, I’ll text you my address and the time to be there.” And you couldn’t help to notice how he sounded lighter than before - like he was happy to hear that you were coming. You, who had practically ghosted him and everyone else for the past year. You, who was broke beyond belief and barely surviving in the harsh world around you. 

 You held on a little tighter to Taffy’s carrier, feeling the creep of a smile on your lips at the thought of getting to see him again. At getting to face him, finally, without having your back turned in cowardliness. “Well… I’ll see you then, I guess.” 

 “Yeah, have a good night…” His words faded off into the distance, as you began to make the commute back to your quaint apartment. 

 The entire time you walked down the street, you could feel his eyes on you - practically searing two holes into your skin as he stared you down until you turned a corner and eventually grew out of his sight. 

 But it didn’t terrify you in the least bit, like how it usually did when a man looked at you so intently.

 Rather, it caused butterflies to erupt in the pit of your stomach, 

 Forced your heart to beat a little harder, 

 Urged you to walk a little faster, as you began to ponder on what the party would be like. 

 More importantly, you wondered what you were going to wear to it…  

To be continued...

taglist: want to be added onto my taglist? well then, comment below on this post/reblog it, and indicate your interest in my taglist and i'll add you... or, you can send me a msg and request to be added~

🌾 tags: @sleepyleeji :: @if-spearb :: @hyunes4ngel :: @drhsthl :: @seosalad :: @toomuchtellyneck :: @endzii23 :: @smally97 :: @ana-marais98

©ʙʟᴏssᴏᴍᴡʀɪᴛᴇsᴛʜɪɴɢs⤐ ᴀʟʟ ʀɪɢʜᴛs ʀᴇsᴇʀᴠᴇᴅ

[elialys]

Channeling positive energy for 2024

I have been very listless for at least the last couple of years (if not since 2020 and the whole pandemic mess), resulting in a pretty rough depressive episode that peaked this last November. It's hard to feel motivated to do anything concrete to improve your own life when everything around you is just...bleak. And this world does suck so much, so often, in so many ways.

But then I remember how I innately believe that most people are good, and that I am good, too, and that the one thing that always makes me feel better when I'm low is to do something helpful for someone, or to just be kind if I don't have the spoons for more.

(Putting this big ramble under read more)

I think I've mentioned it here before but I've made the decision to try and get into a new field of work, which involves at least two if not three years of studying. Let me tell you, I'm about to turn 36 in a couple of weeks. It's scary as fuck to do something like this. But this job, if I get into the school I need to get into, will be perfect for me. I'll be helping people who need guidance and compassion basically every day.

The bond I got to build with my students was my absolutely favorite part of teaching, but I got overwhelmed by everything else. I burned myself out in less than four years because I became a workaholic who worked 70 hours a week, never took a breath, tried tried tried, yet never felt like I was doing enough. The pressure was incredible, the 'I have to be around hundreds of people every single day', performing in front of entire classrooms full of kids 6h a day'...it just wore me down. Loved my kiddos to death, loved my science team so much, but then the pandemic hit and I lost a few family members within a few months, and I realized it was time for me to go home after 12 years abroad.

The meanest part of my brain likes to tell me I've spent the last four years being basically a useless human blob, but realistically, I know I wasn't. I had been working my ass off since 2011, when I was in America nannying two young kids all day long then going to school full time at night/weekends, before being hired as a teacher in England for 4 years.

I needed the break, I needed time with my loved ones. I needed to help grieving family members, especially my little sister with ASD, who had to learn to navigate life without her mom, who also developed epilepsy on top of everything else while our father pretended nothing was happening. I needed to spend time with my grandmother, who did so much for me when I was young and who's all alone, now. I'll even go as far as saying I've been working on fixing things with my mother this past year living with her, which was not an easy thing. Still isn't, but it's so much better than it used to be, and she's trying, too.

But I'm ready to get my life "back on track", or at least, to get busier , more proactive, more helpful to others who aren't in my inner circle, because I know that's what I'm good at, and why I'm here.

So, yeah, channeling positive thoughts for 2024. I'm not only going to work on getting into that school in the next few weeks, I also just received an email a couple days ago from an editor I used to work with. She's a writing director somewhere else now, and they need writers for a new webcomic project; she told me she immediately thought of me because they'd always been happy with my work, so I'm going to test for that, too, because why the hell not. Actually getting paid for the stuff I was writing a couple of years ago was the most surreal, rewarding experience of my writer life, and I wouldn't mind that happening again.

I want to give the biggest shoutout to my best friend & other butt cheek, @melusine0811, for helping me navigate those last four years, for always believing in me, and for being so fucking courageous when life is just so damn hard. Lauren, you're the bravest person I know, and forever my Donna Noble.

And because I'm sappy this weekend, awards and all, I'm also sending my thanks to my Australian unicorn, just for existing somewhere out there, for being a role model to me from afar these last thirteen years, for being another perfect example of people persevering no matter what, doing the things they love, while always trying to be kind to others in the process. I don't believe in much, but I believe in karma. You do good deeds, good things will happen to you.

Be kind to each other, my lovelies. Always be kind.

[aphroditestearsofjoy]

#𝟏𝟎𝟎𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 - Week 1

Although I am (extremely) new to the self improvement community on tumblr. I have seen the #𝟏𝟎𝟎𝐃𝐀𝐘𝐒𝐑𝐄𝐈𝐍𝐕𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 challenge from @dreamdolldiary come by a few times amoung self improvement creators. Because of my curiosity, I have finally read the challenge and I immediately knew that this was the ideal challenge for me to start my self improvement journey! The "goal" of this challenge is to start with holding yourself accounteble and to build healthy habits.

So these were my first few weeks of attempting following this "challenge". And it went absolutely horrible, but I learned a lot from it.

The first 2 days of this challenge I felt very confident and good. But I completely broke down after that. I completely ignored this challenge for the next 2 weeks, because I wanted to focus on school. But because of that I forgot myself and selfcare, after that it didn't take long to stop having motivation for school too. Around this time of year I almost always get a little 'winterdip', but this year it was so massive that I stayed home the past week because I could not find the energy to move or do anything. I was probally already overworked when I started this challenge and expected way too much from myself.

What I'm going to do is analyse the situaltion, break the causes in small parts and find solutions for my problems. I will end this post with a plan for "week 2".

𝐇𝐨𝐰 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫 "𝐞𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞 𝐝𝐢𝐩"

☙ 𝟏. My biggest problem is that I value my results over my wellbeing. But because of that I feel so horrible that I am also not able to preform well. And that involves slowly into a burn-out.

What I will do is prioritise my goals my physical, mental & emtional goals. While slowly adding more other goals to work on. To help balance schoolwork & my wellbeing. I will make an overview the schoolwork that needs to be done weekly. Then I will decide what to do from that list when planning out my day, I will plan my studying sessions based off the time that I have to study that day. When I don't have the time to finish, I will let it go and do it another day. I will try to do as much work as possible on school days, but what I can't get done in that time, I will make in the weekend.

☙ 𝟐. I have the tendency to stress over the smallest thing, but I will nog give myself the space and time to process those. In my night/ evening routine I will add 10 minutes of non-stop writing. That way I can get my feeling out and if I notice that someting is really bothering me, I will take time for it the upcomming day.

☙ 𝟑. I will make time for a self care day. Saturday, after I return from work, I will make a nice lunch and drink for myself, read, take a bath and do fun things! (Like a mini movienight).

☙ 𝟒. Learn to let go! I have the ability to make myself so incredibly, by simply not leting go of the thing that do not serve me. I carry other people's trouble's, other people's expectations and lot's of other thingsI have no influence on. But even the things I have influence on, will not get better when I worry about it.

To let go, I must acknowledge what is bothering me and that stressing over it won't help me. Writing out my problem may help with this.

𝐌𝐲 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐤

☙ The main focus for week 2 will be my physica, mental and emotional gaols:

♡ Physical I follow my weekly work out-plan. I eat healthy. I use my skincare consistantly. I go to bed before 10 pm.

♡ Mental I make time for self love. I plan out my day and follow my plan. I journal daily.

♡ Emotional I do the things that bring me happiness and fulfillment. I write the things that bother me down. I allow myself to feel my emotions fully.

I will accomplice these goals by panning my days around them.

☙ I want to go on a nature walk upcomming week. ☙ I plan out all the work i am supposed to do. ☙ I am productive in school. ☙ I start following my morning & night routines. ☙ I read when I'm bored.

Thank you sososo much for checking in with me, lovelies! ⚝☁ I hopefully see you next week! If you have any tips and/ or encouregement, pease do share. Bye bye ʕ•́��•̀ʔっ♡

[thommi-tomate]

Bambi about the winner goal in Köln and 2024 :

The week leading up to the last matchday in Köln was like a rollercoaster ride of emotions, which you can certainly understand. At the start of the week, we already had the feeling that we had lost the championship. We were all a bit down. But it got better from day to day and we tried to stay as positive as possible. You could see that we have great team morale and that we never stop believing in ourselves

We all believed in our chances more and more every day. We knew that there was still a game to play. We had to win in Köln, but Dortmund also had to win their home game against Mainz first and deal with the huge expectations of their fans. So Dortmund were also under a lot of pressure.

Personally, I just focused on my game, I worked all week with Anthony (Barry, assistant coach) on my finishing, which I always do after training. We simulated and practiced finishing situations and shots on goal that could come in the game. Over and over again, with lots of repetitions. And then I got exactly the action in the game that I had practiced with Anthony and this time I scored the goal

During the World Cup and the weeks before, I had a lot of bad luck with shots and had to wait longer for my goal. Sometimes I thought it was all jinxed or cursed, the ball just wouldn't go in. The moment I scored in Cologne, I was incredibly relieved! We all felt that way. It was a big moment for me, my biggest since I've been playing for FC Bayern. There were so many emotions that I didn't know what to do. I just screamed for joy and jumped around. I ran straight into the curve towards our fans and everyone was chasing me. At that moment and after the final whistle, when we got the result from Dortmund, I was just very happy and relieved that we had become champions after all and that I could contribute to that.

Of course, we really enjoyed the moment and celebrated the championship, but we all knew that we could play better. My focus then very quickly returned to the next season: simply preparing well and making sure that the title race isn't so tight again and that we also play a better season in the Champions League. My thoughts were also that the 2024 Champions League final would be at Wembley in London and that we would have a home European Championship in Germany in the summer, a unique experience. These are the goals I work hard for and train for every day. I'm really looking forward to the new year and I'm very motivated.

[z0urcherri]

Z0ur's 2023 Recap

Here goes with a personal first. To start, 2023 for me was transformative. I felt more confident, more focused, and doing the things i love has felt even easier. Less emphasis on working hard was the key. I'm very proud of this change. I'm also proud of my accomplishments. In no specific order, i've given my blog a structured queue, i've started up a Neocities, and have finally picked up projects that have sat dormant for years. Alzier is seeing character modeling and soundtrack work being done, and Burrowed Alive has a main cast and a plot synopsis ready. I'm sorry i promised a preview and then never got around to it, so i'll simply release it when the time's right. With all that out of the way, here's other cool things i did: In music This year (especially in comparison with 2022) i got serious about sharing my favorite tunes, some obscure and some more well-known. In particular were some ear-catching artist discoveries: The Twilights, Coral City, Russ Freeman. I dusted off acts like The Return, Janis Ian, Paolo Conte and Jimmy Wayne in hopes that listeners could make their own discoveries. Plenty of tunes were subject to hours and hours of replays-Nocturne, Juicy, and City Magic, for example, bring an irresistible feel-good vibe to any occasion. I also played the hell out of Charmless Man, In E, Concrete Blonde's Little Wing, Time Goes On and much much more. Seriously, it's an enormous list. Check out #hand-picked music for everything! In film Finding time to watch a movie can be a challenge, especially when you're busy. That challenge doubles when you're also planning around movie night with loved ones. It doesn't always work out. However, movies were watched, from classics to a select few new releases. Puss In Boots: The Last Wish, despite being released in 2022, took 'til this year to get around to and is easily among my top 5 flicks. Facing off with a dull and uninspired Five Nights movie, Willy's Wonderland was put to the test, which it passed with flying colors. And in the tradition of watching horror around Halloweentime, i chose the Final Destination series, somewhat to combat my own phobia of death. I'd seen the first one, but i have yet to finish the 2nd. I also got started on Venom and Transformers. Lastly, i gave Raggedy Ann & Andy a watch, and while i didn't hate it i ultimately have a couple bones to pick with it. I'll do a full review later. In streaming Less time spent dealing with technical issues is always a plus. It's allowed me to bring a new segment, live drawing, into the mix. #z0ur artz is where you can find not only finished pieces, but also a 3-minute timelapse of the drawing process! I'm also happy with the new chatbox, and plan to experiment with different graphics in the future. In Syphon Filter, i've just defeated the first boss, Anton Girduex. Let me tell you, it wasn't easy. I fear for the next boss fight already. In Tarzan, my biggest problems are falling out of a tree and missing out on collectibles. Corruptions have been steadily improving, and the results are no longer simply "pixel puke" and crashes. I've been diving into lots of corruption tutorials, so expect to see it pay off in the coming year. We'll also be starting some new playthroughs! In closing And, of course, i've met some incredible creators like @lucianinsanity, @razialart, @lace-arts, and more this year! Please, do check them out. I ultimately learn from and find inspiration in everything in the #hand-picked art tag. New fandoms include Amazing Digital Circus, Toontown Corporate Clash, Welcome Home, Emesis Blue, and others i can't think of right now. And that's about it! Be seeing you. - Malcolm

[march-harrigan]

DK Scarecrow with S/O who call him her Handsome Crow.

I wasn't sure what I wanted to write here, so I kind of just let this one take its own direction. The name doesn't show up until the end of the story, but I still hope you enjoy it!

Jonathan Crane was married to his work At least that was the impression he gave at times. Late night hours in the office tending to patients, or in the lab perfecting his fear gas. Not to mention the court appearances on behalf of Falcone's men. Arguing, manipulating, all in the name of having Gotham's most dangerous declared legally insane. Not that he would ever confess to the connection in these cases.

Between that and his condescending attitude. The way he walked with his back straight and his head held high, exuding a smug aura that said he believed… knew he was better than everyone around him, it was hard for his colleagues to believe that the man was capable of any kind of affection. That he'd even stop to consider someone worthy of that kind of attention.

But they would be wrong.

When Jon went home, he went home to her. The one person he valued above all others. The person he'd let down his guard for. Who was allowed to see another side to him, smiling and laughing and genuinely happy just to be in her presence. The person who made him truly feel like he was home. The only trouble for him was that she was also the one person who worried about him.

She knew of his work. She had to. A sign of the trust between the two of them. But as a result, her concern for him had only deepened. It never crossed her mind to tell anyone, of course. She could never betray him in that way. But on those dark nights when he came home late, gloomy and exhausted, she would fret and fuss over him. He'd assure her that he was fine. That he'd simply lost track of the time and she didn't need to concern herself with it. Even so, it was something Jon truly loved about her. Perhaps, on some level, he knew that her particular brand of love was exactly what he needed.

One night in particular, he came home more exhausted than usual. Drenched in sweat and sore all over from the day's labor's. Nothing out of the ordinary for him. Just a lot more of it. Even a workaholic of his caliber had to know a person could only take so much, and yet he'd pushed himself beyond his limits regardless.

"Crow… Not again," came her sweet voice as he walked through the door of their shared home. "You look like hell. You need to stop doing this to yourself."

"I'm fine," he mumbled. His usual response, but it lacked the energy he'd typically try to force when he said it. "There were a few minor delays, but I promise. I'm as lively as I've ever been."

The hiss of pain as he rolled his shoulder said otherwise. And her quirked brow as she carefully examined him told him that she damn well knew better and wasn't going to let it drop. Instead, she joined him at the door and took his coat. "Shower. Now. I'll heat up some soup and then you're going to bed. Understood?"

"…Alright." He held his hands up in defeat, a faint smile gracing those full lips. He couldn't help but cave to her wishes when she was firm with him. Not because he found her tone particularly authoritative. If anything, he found the way she held her hands on her hips and glared up at him(very seriously, might I add) incredibly cute. Maybe it was that cuteness that drove him to obey. Or maybe it was just that it was one of the things he admired about her. He took her hand in his and kissed it. "I'll comply with your orders, tonight. But I expect you to come to bed too. You've been up awfully late waiting for me, Little Jay."

"Deal! But just so you know…" Her frown deepened into a teasing one until she could no longer hold it. And as she threw her arms around him, going in for a peck on the lips, it spread into a massive grin. "I missed you, my Handsome Crow. Welcome home."

[sgcairo]

My Dearest Darling (Irnes/Fatui!Reader Part Five)

Just to avoid confusion: The first two sections (Sumeru & Land of Dreams) are flashbacks! Beyond that it's back to the present day timeline.

This took forever to write out and articulate, for absolutely no reason. But I can say that I'm very happy with the result, and it's mostly setup this chapter, and a little bit of sadness along the way. If you were expecting Irnes to be happy this time around... lower your expectations to zero. I'm sorry, it hurts me too, but it gets worse before it gets better, my friends. Enjoy this context and Omega getting what he deserves!

Sumeru

"They are merely pawns in a greater game. Why should I care what comes of them? The dendro gnosis is in my possession, the other a consolation prize, if you will. It is pointless, worrying about vermin that will eradicate themselves."

A letter rested in your hands, the flaps of your small tent on the outskirts of Port Ormos lazily drifting on tender breezes. Sumeru was oddly peaceful compared to the frigid cold of the motherland, warm and as humid as Irnes warned you it would be. You'd been taking his advice and drinking enough water, especially after the near catastrophe that happened on patrol. Passing out in the street and waking up a few hours later had not only caused an uproar within your squad, but had also managed to screw with you for the next few days, your body still struggling with the dizziness that had crept up on you so easily.

While the work was tiring, seeing a new letter from Irnes resting on the small makeshift table by your bed was enough to invigorate you again, especially seeing how long it was. Irnes had a tendency to ramble, even in his letters, which you found incredibly endearing. His pages of speculation about the stars, new ruin guard pieces, and sappy visions of the future with you by his side had made themselves at home in your heart, to the point that you would stay up late just to read his words again.

This time, however, there was a picture with his words. The kamera was a new invention from Fontaine, incredibly expensive to acquire and even more difficult to use properly. However, Irnes and the segments had somehow gotten their hands on one, and had been sending you the strangest images as of late- you'd gotten a concerning amount of half naked Irnes pictures, blurry and clearly accidental, plenty of segment group photos with fire water and betting on poker matches in the dark, and many photos of Anastasiy sleeping in awkward positions or staring straight at the kamera. Those always served to make you chuckle in amusement.

But this one... this one was different.

It was a simple portrait image, nothing to lose your head over. But its quality was... astounding. Irnes stood in front of a plain background, smiling at the camera softly. His mask was gone, suit ironed and mended, buttons embossed with flowers catching your eye. The detail of the image was so clear that it almost felt as if he were standing right in front of you, the corners of his eyes wrinkling with his smile, hands clasped around an ivory cane that you remembered all too well. It was a picture that one would keep in a locket, that they would treasure and hold the day they died.

He was beautiful.

Just seeing him made you long to be home again, where you could collapse into his arms and be scolded for not taking care of yourself again. He would make you tea, let you rest your feet and tell you about everything you missed as the other segments gathered nearby, still watching you with wide and uncertain eyes. You ached for his gentle touches, for the feeling of his lips against your forehead, for the weight of his arms around you.

The writing on the back was a host unto itself, his illegible scrawl reading:

For my darling, to keep you company until we are together again.

Archons, if you had the choice you would already be sailing back already. But you still had (begrudging) work to do before you could return, the gnosis must be secured. The people were beginning to become restless as well, unsettled by the oppressive nature of the Fatui camps around the port. While the Second Harbinger made his escape, it was your duty to keep the people at bay, and you'd be damned if you didn't show.

"Ah, comrade! There you are, we were looking all over!"

Looking up from the photo, you found Iosif standing over you, his gun humming with pyro from where it was slung over his shoulder.

"Oh? Who's this?"

Oh no. He'd seen the photo. Not that it was anything scandalous, but knowing your squad... they'd harass you for being all moony-eyed over this man. They knew by now that he was rather fond of you, but it was even worse being caught out in the open staring at the photo sappily.

"You know who it is, Iosif." You grumbled, raising an eyebrow. "Let me wallow in my desires in peace."

Iosif chuckled, leaning over to get a better look.

"I mean, he is quite the looker. No wonder you're so enamored with him. He looks like se-"

"Don't you fucking dare finish that sentence."

"Fine! Just come on, don't want to get knocked for having to drag you out..."

Tucking the photo into your interior pocket, you patted it gently. The warmth from his smile still hadn't faded, the beauty of your lover remained fresh in your mind. Oh, how you couldn't wait to sweep him up into your arms and see that ever-bright grin-

...This was going to be a long patrol.

Land of Dreams

Warning for descriptions of blood and violence ahead!

Everything hurt.

You hadn't expected an armed uprising, much less one on a peaceful boulevard as the sun settled in the cradle of the distant seas.

But the people had decided otherwise, namely their "resistance".

You didn't remember much of what had happened. You'd called upon your vision, charging into battle without a second thought. Dragging one of the many men off Olga's back, you made sure to settle him deeply in the cobblestones where he belonged, his ribs cracking under the force of your blow.

"On my flank!" Olga had cried back, beckoning you after her. Hydro gathered around her gauntlets as she lunged at the next assailant, the din and chaos whirling around the two of you so riveting and familiar. It flowed through your veins, satisfying this deep ache in your gut.

"GET DOWN!"

After that, everything was blurry. Olga had slammed into the ground with a sickening crunch, having not dropped in time, blood splattering across stone. You suspected that you'd been hit too, but your vision was spinning too much to tell. You struggled to drag yourself back towards some sort of cover, but something grabbed your boot, your ankle flaring up in burning pain as whatever it was yanked.

A hoarse cry tore itself from your throat as you scrabbled at stone, the shouting nearby muted by the ringing in your ears. Your fingernails aching as you dug them into the earth beneath you, likely bleeding and breaking, but there was too much blood to tell. You couldn't see, couldn't hear-

You panic only mounted as the force of the pulling increased, your hands finally slipping. Your jacket protected you from the brunt of the scrapes, but your palms were practically raw, more open cuts joining the blood that dripped steadily from your hands.

"We got one!"

You tried to kick at your captor, but your body felt too heavy, your leg jerking as the sensation of excruciating tearing surged up your side, your vision blanking for a moment.

The next thing you knew, you were being hauled to your feet by your hair, faced with two faces. Identical, but fading in and out of each other as you swayed, unable to keep yourself upright.

"------!"

Someone shouted. Shots rang out in the night. The next thing you knew, you were back on the ground, the platoon medic hunched over you.

"-lost too much blood, they might not make the trip..."

All that you could force out was a gurgle, your lungs feeling heavy. The world was muffled, distant.

"-up. We've got to move."

More pain. You were vaguely aware of hot tears running down your face and someone hoisted you up, whispering reassurances that you couldn't understand.

Why did it hurt so much? It burned... why did it burn?

The tearing and scorching feeling in your bones didn't subside, even as you were urgently carried away. You just wanted to sleep, to not hurt like this anymore... You wanted Irnes. Where was he, why wasn't he here? It was childish, in hindsight, to want him to hold you and make the pain go away. Maybe if he kissed it better it wouldn't hurt so much.

"'nes..."

A single, charred picture remained in your pocket.

His smile was gone.

Regret

Irnes is quiet as you clean his bruised knuckles, a cloth held to his nose as you calmly wipe away the mixture of Omega's blood and his own.

There's nothing to say. He occasionally opens his mouth, as if he wants to say something, only to close it seconds later. You don't know the situation, and you're not sure if you want to, especially hearing the distant cursing of Omega as the other clones patch him up, all watching you and Irnes with wide eyes when they pass by. You would say that it's disrespectful, if it weren't warranted by the whole "Irnes beat Omega's ass as he deserves while crying uncontrollably" situation. Sergei lingers nearby regardless, watching you with those wide and terrified eyes from behind the doorframe.

You're not sure if you should speak, you really don't want to hurt Irnes. Especially while he's upset, saying the wrong thing could make everything worse.

But seeing him cry, hiccuping quietly as you bandage his wound and place gentle kisses upon them... You'd be lying if you said the temptation wasn't there.

No, you have better self restraint than this.

"My dear..."

The rasp surprises you, Irnes coughing lightly as he finally draws the handkerchief away from his nose. It's stained a bright red, definitely ruined, the embroidery soaked through.

"Yes?"

You can't bring yourself to say anything else, instead tying off his bandages gently, careful not to jostle his wounds too much.

"Are you... upset with me?"

Honestly? Not really, Omega was a little bitch and deserved it. Besides, Irnes beating the living daylights out of him was kind of hot, thinking back on it. Blood running down his face, eyes wild- yeah, that was really hot. You'd pay to see him do it again. Maybe not to Omega, because there's a good chance that he'd get his ass handed to him if the stakes were level. But seeing the sheer, unadulterated rage in his eyes... It was scary, but also made you want to know more.

Irnes watches you like a kicked puppy as you mull it over, face stained and bruised, eyes full of tears that shine in the dim light. He looks handsome as ever, but so distraught. You hate the way his shoulders slump, how his usual facade of brilliance and happiness has fallen, leaving behind a sinking pit of anxiety and sorrow that practically radiates off him. His anger is gone, replaced by exhaustion as he looks up at you pleadingly.

"No, I'm not. I'm just worried, you know? You're pretty banged up... and I did not expect to see you so-"

You think for a moment, before chuckling to yourself.

"-feral. But I like it."

Irnes stares at you for a moment, his own watery laughter filling the air a moment later at the absurdity of your answer. He laughs until he's sobbing again, his tears finally spilling down his cheeks, his mouth contorted into a grimace as he wipes at his cheeks in vain.

You're speechless for a moment, watching his body tremble with the force of his gasping and crying, before grabbing a fresh washcloth. Pulling his shaking hands away from his face, you gently dab at his red cheeks, raw from his scrubbing.

"It's okay, Irnes... I swear I'm not mad. Pinky swear. I'm just glad you're okay."

Irnes continues to cry, but you can see the hint of a smile showing through.

"Now, let's get you some better clothes. I don't want you sleeping in bloody clothes..."

An Omega Shaped Problem

You knew Omega was trouble from the beginning.

As soon as you arrived in Sumeru, he'd been there, watching you with that terrifying grin. Compared to Irnes' pointy smile, that was the grin of a killer, a man who would throw everything away just to watch the world burn. You didn't hate him, per se, but he definitely creeped you out. He would show up in your tent regularly for a "progress report" and pester you endlessly about Irnes- which you grew to appreciate, he did have quite a bit of useful information. But it was also very annoying after a long day of fighting pointlessly to defend the so-called "god" he was building, and you had grown to have a love-hate relationship with him.

However, you would not let him upset your lover to the point of losing his temper. Not without consequences.

"Ow! Fucking hell, did that bastard knock a tooth loose? If he did, I'm going to shove that thing he calls a ruin guard so far up his-"

You didn't feel the slightest bit guilty for the cries of pain that came from around the corner. Having a nice talk with Omega would definitely make him forget about those small pains. You were a soldier, first and foremost, years of training until you felt like you were going to pass out from exhaustion behind your fists. You weren't known for your smooth tongue, no. If anything, you were known for being efficient.

"Be careful! This face is getting us funds, dipshit!"

"Watch your mouth, you pathetic piece of shit! I'll kick your ass!"

The snarky return was definitely familiar, though you didn't have a face for the voice.

"I'd like to see you try!"

"Listen, do you want that tooth out or not? Because I'll fucking leave if you don't stop talking!"

"Oh, fuck you!"

"...No thanks, that's called self-cest and it's heavily frowned upon by society."

"Just shut the fuck up and do your job!"

Well now you're convinced that Omega deserves a good punch in the gut, clearly Irnes was holding back. If Omega could still bitch about getting beat up, he wasn't hurting enough.

You would remedy that quickly.

Emerging from your hiding spot behind the corner, you found Omega sitting on a rickety old bed, another familiar looking clone standing over him. Well, all of them were familiar, you saw dozens of the same face every day-

"Ah, it's you."

You didn't like that tone. Especially coming from the bloodied lips of the man who'd pissed Irnes off to the point of violence. Your lover was not easily angered, you knew from experience. Even in the face of cruelty, he was not angered. He worked himself to the bone, to the point of utter exhaustion, and did not raise his voice to complain. Irnes was patient. You were considerably less so.

"Yes, it's me. Are you done screaming like a little bitch?"

Omega's face was eerily neutral for a moment, eyes watching you from behind a blood stained mask. That was, until he started to laugh. Genuine, bone chilling laughter, his sharp teeth on display as his shoulders shook with the force of his guffaws.

"What, your little 'boyfriend' couldn't make the trip? Did he collapse on the way here? Maybe crawled across the floor after you like a dog?"

Omega continued to giggle, lifting a bloody hand and shutting his fist to look like the mouth of a puppet.

"Oh my darling! Wait for me, I'm too crippled to walk!"

Mocking. He was mocking Irnes. His high pitched tone touched a nerve, especially as he got up from the table, walking over too you with a grossly exaggerated limp.

"Oh help me, darling! I'll fall!"

Disgusting. His hands scratched at your shoulders, scraping against your skin painfully. You could feel the warmth of his hands through the heavy linens Irnes had so lovingly dressed you in, now slightly stained with smears of red from Irnes' clinging. This... bastard had the gall to insult your lover after spilling his blood. You'd felt the urge to kill before, but never this strong.

"Shut your fucking mouth."

The monotone scolding came from behind, the clone scowling as he approached.

"Unhand them. Now. Prime won't be pleased when I reveal this little scuffle, especially when I tell him you attacked Irnes first."

"Oh shut your filthy little mouth, maggot. The adults are talking."

It really was taking all your power not to punch him straight in the mouth.

"And what if I don't?"

Omega's face contorted into something of a semblance of outrage, his cape (it looked terribly silly on him) flipping as he turned to face the smaller clone.

"Then I'll take care of you myself."

"Oooo, so spooky..."

The other clone rolled his eyes, raising his needle and thread menacingly.

"I'll sew your lips together, motherfucker. Sleep with one eye open tonight."

The boys were fighting now, leaving you behind.

Should you fall back and make a tactful retreat? Probably. Were you going to do something against your husba- lover's strict moral code anyways? Abso-fucking-lutely.

You weren't usually this confrontational. But Omega mocking Irnes and pretending to be all high and mighty afterwards... It made your guts feel disgusting and sticky, the back of your throat soured as you watched the two bicker.

"Hey piss boy, think fast."

You hadn't trained under Capitano for years for nothing.

Crunch.

That's Enough

Irnes was dead asleep.

He'd fallen asleep in his clothes no less, sprawled across the bed like a morbidly large daddy long legs, pillows propping him up as he laid on his good side.

That punch to Omega's jaw had been incredibly satisfying, and freshening up afterwards had added a whole other layer to the warmth that surrounded you. The bounce in your step only added to the feeling in your gut, fuzzy and fulfilling like a warm cup of tea after a long day.

Your chest felt so much lighter as you crawled into bed, positioning yourself before him. His face was so peaceful when he was asleep, the wrinkle between his brows was gone and his cheeks seemed to have the slightest bit more color. You couldn't help but watch him, reaching out and tenderly tracing along his jaw. He'd said when the two of you first met that he couldn't feel anything on that side, but that didn't stop you from wanting to smother it in kisses, to show him how much you adored those scars, how much you adored him.

Cupping his face, you gently stroked under his eye, feeling the weight beneath it. Had he not been sleeping well while you were gone? Maybe it was the stress of taking care of you all this time... that thought only served to stoke the fires of your guilt, Irnes' skin warm under your fingers as you moved to caress his cheek.

Oh, how you missed this.

"...dear?"

A crimson eye blinked open slowly, Irnes' shoulders tensing up slightly at the sudden awakening- only to relax as he met eyes with you.

"'m sorry... It seems I feel asleep..."

Irnes sounded... guilty?

"It's okay. You deserve to rest after taking such good care of me. Go back to sleep... I won't move an inch, pinky swear."

"I've slept plenty, my darling."

Your glare begs to differ.

"Alright... perhaps not as much as I should."

At least he's self aware, which is more concerning than you care to admit.

"More of a reason to go back to sleep, then. Though... I can't say that those shoes look comfortable to sleep in."

Irnes chuckled humorlessly, waggling his good foot.

"They are somewhat comfortable. However, I can't say you're wrong. Feet cramps in these are awful."

You love him, but you don't really need to know that much about his feet.

"Should I take them off then?"

"Already thinking about stripping me? My, my, we haven't even been on an official date yet, at least buy me flowers first..."

"You know that's not what I meant."

Irnes smiles at your joking tone, relaxing and leaning back against the heap of pillows beneath him.

"I know, my dear. You're simply too cute when I tease you, I can't help myself..."

The lilt of sadness in his tone was... sobering. While you'd been focusing on recovery, he'd been slaving away and worrying, undoubtedly having lost sleep with you occupying the bed. Those rickety metal bunks the clones were given would hurt his back, you were almost certain, not to mention the cold that the meager amount of blankets couldn't stave off. But even then, you had a suspicion that the armchair pulled up beside the bed had gotten more use than the empty bunk across from you.

A peaceful silence settled over the two of you, Irnes' tired eyes watching you fondly. His exhaustion seemed to wash over every crevice of his body, swallowing his usually cheerful demeanor with bone-deep weariness.

"I'm sorry. I haven't been as... good as I'd like to be, lately."

Irnes' words startled you a little, his smile struggling to stand against whatever tide of misery plagued him.

"I feel as if I've neglected you, my dear. I know that's wrong, but my clinical view of things... I feel as if I haven't cared for you. I may have cared for your person, but-"

Pausing, he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"I feel as if I've forgotten to love you along the way. I'm so sorry, my dear..."

You hated seeing Irnes cry. It wasn't ugly, no, never in your eyes. But the way his usually grinning face split apart into a miserable twist of his lips, eyes averted and looking down as if he was expecting punishment... Your heart ached like someone was twisting a knife into it.

"Don't apologize... You've cared for me this whole time, don't discredit yourself like this."

Cradling his cheek with your hand, you gently leaned forward, pressing a kiss to his scarred cheek.

"I know we're still trying to figure things out, but I really like you... Love might be too strong for you right now, especially while you're crying... But I care for you. I know you would never see me as an experiment or something to pick apart. Give yourself more credit, love. I will never ask you to be perfect, only to do your best. And you did with what you had on hand. That's enough for me."

Irnes leans into your touch, his tears wetting your hand. You can feel his chest shake, hear the cries stifled in his chest.

"Please believe me. I thought about you every day while I was gone, I held that picture in my coat pocket hoping I'd get to see you again. Please believe me, just this once."

It's as if you're begging him, you can see how much it pains him on his face as he rests his hand over yours, shaky and wounded beyond repair.

"I- I don't know if I can."

"Then try it, love. Just try, as you always do."

He hesitates. You watch him, waiting for the outburst, something to indicate how hard it is to keep him from shaking apart.

Instead, you get a small nod.

That's enough for you.

An Experiment

Irnes rarely gets a moment apart from you, now that you're recovered and still on leave. You follow him through his daily routine, watching in fascination as Irnes works so easily, even if he's dealing with life and death. He moves from pod to pod, checking the segments inside and scribbling on his clipboard, his cane slung over his arm as he limps along. You keep your distance, allowing him to gather his thoughts and keep his focus, instead taking time to think about what comes next. Will the two of you start "dating" officially? Or will you consider marriage, per the customs of this land?

You don't know, and that's the part that scares you.

"My dear, can I steal you for a moment?"

You hadn't even realized you were staring into one of the pods nearby, watching the undeveloped clone move. This one looked particularly close to adulthood already, his features closer to that of a teenager than an actual adult. Tearing you gaze away, you looked up at Irnes, raising an eyebrow in confusion.

"Oh, it's nothing really. Just something I've been waiting to show you."

You nod along, your mind struggling to comprehend what it could possibly be.

"Lead the way, then."

Irnes smiles gratefully, offering an arm. You take it, though it's a bit awkward considering your height difference.

"I considered what you said last night. While I'm not sure if my subconsciousness would welcome thoughts like that, after so long with him in my head, I've decided that I would like to "try" as you put it."

You listen carefully, noticing how Irnes says him. As if he dreads whoever it is he speaks of.

"The first step to that is honesty, I believe. I should be honest with you first and foremost, and that is what I intend to do."

It sounds almost as if he's going to show you something terrible.

"I must tell you that what you are going to see is... negotiable, and fully up to you. I will not proceed with this without you telling me that you want it as well, do you understand me?"

You nod.

"I need a vocal confirmation, dear."

"I do. It can't be that bad, can it?"

Irnes purses his lips at the statement, but doesn't answer. At least, not directly.

"I suppose you'll just have to see for yourself."

The room he leads you into his dark, surprisingly clean compared to the rest of the lab. The tables are clear, papers sorted neatly- but that's not what draws your attention.

A single pod inhabits the center of the room, Irnes relinquishing your hold as he drifts over to touch it, laying a shaky hand on the cold glass.

"Well?"

Oh dear.

[thegreatandpowerfulversy]

Hi! I just want to say I've found your blog a really valuable source of differing jewish opinions. I'm in sort of a pro-palestine echo chamber, which initially I thought was a good thing (and to be clear I still don't think palestinian people should be harmed, killed, deprived of human necessities or forcibly removed from their homes) - but I am also increasingly aware of the lack of critical thinking, casual antisemitism as well as full blown antisemitic conspiracy that happens in these discussions. I don't always recognise it immediately, but I understand it is there. And knowing many antizionist jewish people doesn't at all stop that from being true. I'm buddhist (culturally but also in practice) and it is important to me to consider the welfare of human beings and to not simply get trapped in dogma. I hope all of us can reflect on our views and be more mindful of the takes we uncritically share on social media - not simply whether or not they are 'true', but also if they are actively harmful to marginalised peoples. There's a real oppression olympics feeling to some of the discourse that I really dislike. People seem allergic to caring about multiple kinds of people at the same time. I've been able to better navigate the free palestine tag despite the claims of 'antisemites not welcome' as a result of your blog. I don't necessarily agree with every last thing everyone you've ever reblogged has said but I just wanted you to know you've helped me learn a lot. And I am still learning

Thank you for the message! I'm happy that you're taking steps to recognize the environment you've been in and get to a healthier place, and I'm very glad the posts I reblog and my occasional rambling in tags thereof is helping!

I fully agree with you that everyone deserves human rights, that's what the "human" part of the phrase means, no exceptions. I find it incredibly tragic that so many people are dying in this war, and I wish none of them had to (even the Hamas fighters, in a perfect world they would be captured and given trials, because they're humans too). But one of my biggest issues with the online pro-pal movement is how they insist that this war is somehow exceptional -- that it must be genocide, that it must have the highest death toll ever, that it must be so much worse than any other conflict... and that's simply not the case on all counts. And the expectation that it would be, simply because Israel is one of the combatants, is due to ingrained antisemitism that, in most people anyway, probably isn't even at the level of conscious thought.

Also, even I don't 100% agree with everything on the blogs of all the people I follow. I'm aware that some of the Israeli news articles I see have a right-wing slant, but to me at least, going in with my eyes open is better than not hearing what's going on at all. I've definitely seen some Islamophobic posts going around and I don't endorse that any more than I do antisemitism.

Anyway, thanks again for sharing your thoughts! I hope you continue to learn and grow and fight for human rights for all, Palestinian and Jewish both... and Israeli Arab, and Bedouin, and Druze, and Samaritan, and all the other groups in that area who always get forgotten by people in their black-and-white thinking. The only way we achieve peace is if we all stand together.

[whentommymetalfie]

A new chapter! And again such a long one! 😃

And - wow! - thank you for your detailed answer to my question. 😃 It's really interesting to hear how you approached this big story. I too think, that it's really important to be aware of each character and their development and to maybe write it down to keep track of everyone. One can tell you're doing this because the story has never lost its thread.

And I have to say: I think the same can be said for your Oneshots. Yes, each and every one is complete in itself, but so is the big picture. Due to the fact that I discovered them not so long ago, I was able to read them all in one go, so that they really seemed like many small scenes from yet another big story. Which was great! 😊

But now to the new chapter: Alfie!!! You wanna shake and hug him at the same time. But then you get to know the complexity of everything. At first you think: Just lie down, damn it, Alfie! It can only go wrong… But then reading your/his thoughts on the subject that Tommy will of course relate it to himself when Alfie is exhausted and as a result will not ask him for help again puts everything into perspective. As already described above: One can tell how much effort you put into it and the development of the characters, which makes them incredibly alive and deep! And of course it goes wrong... but luckily there’s Esther! ❤️ I'm really glad you decided to keep her in the story. She is so great! ☺️ And such a nice ending, even if you want to shake Alfie again so that he finally says what he thinks! Things are looking as if they miiiiiiiight get going uphill. 😀

Thank you for the chapter! I am excited for the next! 😊

Thank you for another incredible message! ❤️  And here’s a very late (and again, very long answer, bear with me) 

I’m very happy to hear your thoughts on my one shots in the wtma-AU, because writing for that AU was very different from these long stories, since they’re not written in chronological order. I wrote most of them based on requests, and sometimes I got a request for something that I thought would fit better earlier in the timeline, so I had to do some planning and thinking to make it feel cohesive. Though when I think about it now, I’ve always taken requests sort of ’in bulk’ so I did have a chance to plan them out and make them work in relation to each other. I didn’t have quite the overview I’ve had with Breathe Again and Home to you, but I’m glad they feel like one long story, because that’s always been the goal. (And just a little note for anyone who enjoys the wtma-AU, I actually might have a story planned out for that, because I re-read them the other day and realized how much I’ve missed writing for it, and a little idea came to mind. We’ll see what happens.)

But back to the current story: your kind words mean the world. Alfie slowly but surely wearing himself out is something that’s been in the works from the moment Tommy got injured and had to be taken to the hospital way back in the beginning. And in some ways from the very beginning of Breathe Again. But I’ve tried to portray Margate as this sort of safe haven, where they’d gotten into a working routine of sorts by the end of Breathe again and the beginning of Home to you, which helped Alfie (and Esther) to care for Tommy. And of course Tommy’s recovery has taken a toll after so much new trauma. Which is part of the core of Alfie’s current struggle, seeing so much of the progress gone, like they’re worse off than when they started. While he’s also grown to love him deeply, and that makes it all the more painful to witness, especially since he feels guilty for being unable to protect him. 

Right I could ramble on about that forever, so I’ll just wrap it up there. 

I’ve been struggling with the new chapter, but I’m working on it, and it means a lot to know you’re excited for the continuation. Thank you again for your kind message ❤️ 

[goodgrammaritan]

Gratitude Journal

Saturday I had my last session with the therapist I've been seeing for the past year. She is leaving the practice, so I had to decide whether to immediately seek someone new or take a therapy break. She gave me some referrals, but seeing that by this point in our work together I was only seeing her once a month, and that that was sufficient, I told her I'd decided to try going without for a bit.

I thanked her for the work we'd done together, and for pushing me out of my comfort zone into trying new things. (For instance, we did sand tray therapy, something about which I was a bit skeptical, but that resulted in a decrease in the nightmares I've been having about my junior high bullies, nightmares that had been occurring with various frequency for 22 years.)

We both agreed that I was doing well, and that our therapy sessions of late had been more me reporting victories and successes, talking about how I used my therapy skills to cope with difficult situations, rather than expressing shame and regret about how I'd handled things. I told her that I was going to continue tracking my daily moods, and utilizing my support system.

After our session I talked with Noah about it, and asked him to keep an eye on me and tell me if I was hyper focusing or obsessing or falling into bad habits. I told him I knew I was asking a lot, but that I would also be doing my best to be vigilant about my behaviors and actions. He was 100% on board, and told me that he was going to be teasing me about things, because that's just his way of getting me to laugh at myself or take a step back and examine my behavior. He said that if I noticed him teasing me repeatedly about the same thing that that might be a problem area. I laughed and agreed that that was a good plan, and was generally feeling very optimistic.

Here's the thing: Saturday was a packed day. I had done my workout in the morning, then I had my therapy session, then Noah and I picked out new tile to repair our floor and also made a stop at Home Depot. I also did three loads of laundry. And I felt good about all of it, but that's a very spoon-heavy day.

So Sunday I woke up exhausted, had very little energy, and was just going through the motions and being a little morose. I expressed a desire to still attend a yoga class, and Noah said he was surprised because the entire day I'd been all "I'm so tired, I don't want to do things, I have no energy, blah blah blah." And he said it in a bit of an exaggerated tone. He left to get a haircut and I decided to do some proofreading work because sometimes that helps my mood, but then I thought, "Hey, he's teasing me, am I wallowing?" And that was enough to kind of jolt me out of my mopey behavior. I told him about it when I got home, and I said it was rude of him to make me follow through on my post-therapy emotional regulation plan just one day after my last therapy session. "I was planning on doing this, but not so soon!" So we laughed about it, and I asked if it had really been a problem, and he said not really, but sometimes I get comfortable being depressed because it's familiar.

"I'm always depressed."

"Is that your secret? You're always depressed?" Noah asked, paraphrasing The Avengers.

"Yeah, I guess."

Then he said "The Incredible Sulk!" and I burst out laughing. I pretended to be appalled, but come on, that shit's hilarious. So, I'm happy to report that my post-therapy strategies are already a success.

9/5/23