#but idc please not everyone can imagine themselves doing something they hate doing

[shitiread]

can people write fanfics where there’s little to no physical/eye contact

like please

it ruins it for me cause i hate them both so much like it makes me so fucking uncomfortable i can’t put it into words

[organic-guacamole]

episode 209 spoilers below

I'm so late today but here it is

I love EJ, he's finally learning to be happy. I'm so proud.

Ms Jenn = every boomer during zoom calls, like jeez yes we can hear you stop shouting at me.

LOVE THE SUBTLE JOKE ABOUT QUARANTINE "these dark times" "you mean spring break?"

ah yes, remember when we thought covid was just gonna give us a longer spring break? good times

SEBLOS

damn the passive aggressiveness from Carlos and the absolutely over it tone from seb✋

CASWELL COUSINS!!!!! THEY'RE THE BEST!!!!

we needed more if this kind of goofiness for the first part of season 2 that only such an iconic duo can provide.

old old movies-

is it even that old, or is Nini being a gen alpha rn-

i choose to imagine EJ being scared of the movie and hiding in Ashlyn's shoulder while she keeps a straight face and then EJ pretending to be tough afterwards

aww redlyn are soulmates.... yknow, if gingers had souls

(please ignore me)

y'all saw how EJ's face *lit up* when Gina logged on? how dare you tell me he doesn't like her

ofc she's no damsel in distress, she's Gina porter, she's amazing.

so do we think she'd be the type to just glare at suspicious people? or bark at them

do they not know that Rini broke up? or is Ms Jenn just wanting Nini to suffer through her heartbreak to make her a better actress....

speaking of, why is Nini in the call? she's not in the show anymore. Unless she is, even after the rose and the song got cut, which would be so unfair to all those that auditioned properly before she even came back but whatever, she's the main character I get it 🙄

big red is a hero honestly, Nini better thank him for changing the subject like that

I can't-

i won't work you over the break-

this woman would 100% work her kids 24/7 if it was legal and idk how to feel about it.

YES GINA USE THAT CHARM

QUEEN

FRENCH QUEEN

SHE LEARNT FROM THE BEST (antoine obvi)

smh the airport lady, eavesdropping on Gina's call.

The way she was so happy to answer EJ's call, "eej"

I love them your honour.

EJ WITH PAINTED NAILS YES PLEASE

great now we need to see Gina, Ashlyn and EJ having a complete spa day and EJ getting really into it and Gina and Ashlyn take pictures of him when he's laying down in a robe with a mask and cucumbers on his eyes.

finally we get to see Gina's side of portwell

the way she considered it as flirting, this is the sign she asked for in episode 6 come onnnnn

no is Asher/jack really doing tiktok dances in an airport-

Ricky is me. I am burrito.

oh Lynne, sweetie, I'm sorry but the blonde hair is not it

is that even the same lady or-

THE BEAN

THE CHICAGO BEAN

THE BIG OLD METAL BEAN IN THE MIDDLE OF THE CITY 😭

jetlag is my go to excuse for anything... I haven't travelled in 2 years.

"welcome to the Lynne and Mike gossip show. where we talk about our depressed son that we both neglect in certain ways! And now a word from our sponsor, Nord VPN..."

SO MANY CANDLES

WHAT DEMON IS LYNNE TRYING TO SUMMON IN HIS ROOM-

is Nina becoming social media obsessed EJ from season 1? AND SHE LIED ABOUT HAVING SONGS TOO PLEASE WHY ARW THEY RECYCLING THE SAME PLOT-

Gina smiling at the picture of her family on Instagram makes me so happy, idek why.

EJ's nails are so pretty, we needed to see it more (unless he had it on for the rest of the episode and I just.... didn't notice🧍🏽‍♀️)

oh not the tiktok kid✋

yes ma'am end this strange mans whole tiktok career

sir take a hint and leave

GINA NO DONT SAY YOUR LAST NAME HE COULD BE A HUMAN TRAFFICKER

Ricky, walking in style✨

weird kid, ok then Lynne, can't you see he's this close to the edge?

not all your fault baby Ricky, Nini sucks a bit more

RICKY YOU DIDN'T COME DOWN HARD ON THE SONG-

YOU ASKED WHAT IT WAS ABOUT AND SHE SHUT YOU DOWN-

PLEASE DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF

ok but the deleting comment thing was very bad

still don't know if I like Jack honestly

hmmm so Nini's calling herself Nini instead of Nina in her little egg seat, while trying to write a song without inspiration.... Nini, honey, Ricky was your muse, he inspired you to write all those songs, even if it wasn't good for the relationship.

that doesn't mean you gotta get back with him, or that you can't write a song that not about him butttt it'll take some time

the rainbow sticker in her box and her rainbow shirt-

anyways wbk she's not totally straight

Jack are you a criminal?

quick, Gina, check his ankle for a tracker

THE YES AND PRACTICE STRIKES AGAIN

the way Gina wasn't into it in episode 6 but she's used the technique twice now

stole her grandma's Pomeranian-

Jack where the hell did you pull that out from-

the fake crying killed me, that looks like so much fun though

anyone wanna raid a first class lounge with me?

wait so is jack not gonna go in with her?

wouldn't he go in too? help look for the credit card? SO CONFUSED

the first class lounge guy was so into the drama though, watch his face when they start arguing 😭

sorry to break this to you Kourtney, but you haven't even blocked the second act yet soooo...

take that as you will

I love how all of them are totally dissing the dance off

that's the most realistic part of this show tbh

shouldn't Nini have asked how she knew....since the start? why is the fact that her best friend has knowledge of a North high secret now dawning on her...

Howie is sweet honestly, at least he's trying to help. but I stand with Kourtney, don't take him back just because he sang an amazing song, and is giving you a heads up on what's gonna happen...

KOURTNEY IS ME TRYING TO LEAVE AN ONLINE CLASS

I hate school

ooo Nini's writing a song about bad internet connection 🤩🤩🤩

I never lie, except when I do-

son that is the creepiest thing you could say to a stranger that you've been "helping"

2 truths and a lie👀

he's an Ariana fan 100%

called it.

OLDER BROTHER-

WHAT-

free spirit? damn so brother porter was in that horse movie

so has she been kissed or not?????????

I feel like she's moved more than 15 times though so possibly

but then if she's moved so much, and before east high she never opened up to anyone, she's never been kissed then?? damn

same though Gina so let's be besties please

heartbreak president is a great song title idea, give Nini a call rn

but wait

is the no strings attached feeling thing about her telling Ricky she liked him? she thought she was moving away so she thought it'd be no strings attached???

guys I think I figured it out insert the "I've connected two dots" meme

THE DUKE SWEATSHIRT

IS THAT YOUR BOYFRIEND'S

OMG I LOVE I LOVE

NOT THAT I KNOW OF???

ma'am did you just kill me

yes you did

Lynne and Ricky have such a weird relationship

YES IT DID SUCK

TODD SUCKS

LYNNE SUCKS

yeah I get that you wanted Ricky to like Todd BUT THAT WASN'T THE TIME

right so we already know that Ricky was so desperate to keep Nini cuz he didn't want to be like his parents, and now Lynne's talking about this-

Richard needs a long hug

yes Lynne, it is your fault. thank you for finally admitting it.

YES DYE YOUR HAIR

BLOND HIGHLIGHTS RICKY WILL RISE AGAIN

"sometimes the best, last thing you can do for someone you love, is let them go."

gotta admit I teared up at that point

not me thinking big red was calling ms Jenn cupcake for a hot second-

Carlos please omg, you're at the "beach" and they're leaving for the pool?

also, why not just do the call from the hotel room please omg

"don't ask me"

"Carlos"

OMG WHAT HAPPENED

big red wants the tea

O M G

SEB IS JEALOUS

JEALOUS SEBBY IS MY FAVOURITE THING IDC

I'm surprised ms Jenn knew how to give Nini permission to screenshare tbh

So lily's been stalking the East high kids and spending time editing this video while she's supposedly in an immersion trip.... right

EJ and Ashlyn's picture is so chaotic, what even is happening there

"slacking off" bestie its spring break, obviously they're confident enough that they'll get it done in time so why not focus on your own musical.

jealous seb = sassy seb

please what if those guys Carlos is posing with are his cousins or something and that's why he's so confused about Seb

6 YEAR OLD EJ I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM

Nini saying she's obsessed with her ex, that's not weird at all 👍

I can just tell Matt had a blast harassing Julia with those puppets.

Jack please dont be like that, "yet"

chances are you'll never see eachother again 🥰

(honestly sometimes I really miss those friends I made on trips and stuff when we'd spend the day or week together, only to never see them again....those were the good days though)

Ashlyn and Nini should write more songs..... something better than this one at least

Nini: "im good"

cue the Tia Mowry (please I can't spell) crying gif

oh I forgot Ricky was in the show for a hot second

1. where did Gina get to film this without people being around

2. did she just... randomly change her clothes???

ok but the transition between Carlos and EJ

*chefs kiss*

now everyone shut up, EJ's singing

oh i think I'm pregnant

HIS MUSCLES

YES KOURTNEY

I love how big red and Kourtney went from being "the best friends™" to the couple in season 1, to kinda close themselves and having their own plots

sebby makes me so happy

props to biggies editing skills honestly

PORTWELL BEING SIDE TO SIDE I CANT

AND SEBLOS OMG

big red lives for the drama

"wow" so true Ricky

no he is not cute, stop it

"holding" ok that's kinda cute

yeah EJ's a lucky guy😌

jokes aside, it's not that hard to exchange numbers-

keep in touch if you want

ok I really like Jack now

if he comes back in season 3, maybe have him be LGBTQ+ ?

like the only out characters they have rn are Seb and Carlos and they're like the sterotypes, yk?

I'd love to see jack kinda break the mold

Ricky's breaking my heart

that song just hurts

the only thing

now I don't hate Lynne????????

HOW DARE THEY WRITE IN A PROPER REDEMPTION ARC FOR HER

UGH IM SUPPOSED TO HATE HER FOREVER

I mean I don't live her now but she's good

but honestly

"mom can I show you something"

IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL

THE PICTURE AND EVERYTHING OMG

I'm sobbing please help

Gina saying she's just waiting for the right guy and then EJ coming to the airport to pick her up late at night without her asking, offering to bring her back in the morning so she won't have to Uber, bringing her a granola bar (WHICH IS EXACTLY WHAT SHE FORGOT TO PACK) and without expecting anything in return???

ms ma'am you've got a keeper right there

her smile at the end was so heartwarming I really can't.

this episode was great.

it felt really short but I liked it, great character development for Ricky, Lynne and Gina.

Cant wait for next episode to see more of EJ being the ideal boyfriend /hj

[lvlyhao]

『127′s ideal type』

headcanons, NCT 127

A/N: je suis back~ in these headcanons i talk about the type of person i imagine each member with, along with some of the traits i think they wouldn’t be too fond of. i did NOT include physical traits (ex: “would like a short/tall/blonde s/o”) because i really don’t know them??? lmao also that kind of thing could be a bit damaging to someone’s self esteem, and i want yall to know ur perfect & beautiful so

mark and hyuck will be included in dream’s version of this, and sicheng will be in wayv’s :)

today’s gif theme is just random gifs i like bc idc, there’s no aesthetic

as always, this is gender-neutral

IF YOU LIKE MY WORK PLEASE REBLOG IT AS WELL AS LIKING IT T^T

𝓖𝓮𝓷𝓻𝓮𝓼: fluff (♡) and if you squint really hard angst (❆) bc of some REALLY small things that for me are not actual angst but oh well

𝓦𝓪𝓻𝓷𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼: i think none?? if you read this and find something you think should be here let me know please!!!

word count: 1.5K

pairing: nct 127 members x reader (includes taeil, taeyong, johnny, yuta, doyoung, jaehyun, jungwoo)

disclaimer: the characters in the story below do not reflect real people or present real facts. this is purely fictional, and you may not copy, change, translate or repost my work in any way. all rights reserved © cherry-hyejin 2021.

*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:

Taeil

I see Taeil getting with someone who’s not only mature (personality-wise, actual age doesn’t matter) but also very determined and decisive. He’d like a person that doesn’t change their mind about things too often, learns well from their mistakes and is just all-around balanced. Other traits that I think he’d look for: politeness, a MUST; grounded; good at giving advice. Pretty much a twin-flame of his.

I think he’d find it cute if they think in a detail-oriented way and appreciate the small things in life. A positive, grateful mentality would be SO attractive to him, I swear. 

One of his deal breakers would most likely be excessive jealousy and possessiveness. He trusts you and your love for him, and I think he’d feel distraught if you were constantly questioning the relationships he has with other people (friends, co-workers, fans, etc.)

Last important thing: needs a person that can take a hit. He’s probably looking for someone he can spend the rest of his days with, so a quitter just isn’t good for that. There will be difficult moments in the future and he needs to know they won’t give up on him and on the life he chose.

Taeyong

I think Taeyong would like a calm person that knows how to take control of the relationship. He probably feels tired sometimes from leading a group of 23 people, so I can imagine he’d be thrilled if he was able to not worry at all when he’s around his partner. He trusts they’re capable of dealing with any problems that may arise and keep their feet on the ground. Bonus points if they have a good relationship with themselves.

By that I mean: you know how people say you can’t truly love others until you love yourself? Yeah, that. He’s a person like any other, and there are times when he struggles with self-love, but he needs someone that doesn’t hate themselves, or he’ll simply go crazy. With his career come so many rumours and moments that tear at his confidence… he just doesn’t need a person that has to be convinced every single day that they’re worthy of the good things in life. 

I’d say, in general, all he asks for is someone that can watch out for themselves. He’d take care of them too, but he’d like it SO much if just for once in his life he’s the one being cared for. Would just melt on the spot if you have that caring, almost parental instinct in you. Gods, yes. That’s all I can say.

Johnny

I can see him being with a very bright, smart person. He’d like someone that comes from a different background so he could learn more about their life—whether that means the country they were born in or their field of work. I think he would appreciate a very laid back person that doesn’t get stressed too often and won’t make fun of him for his bad jokes. Also, doesn’t like people that try to play him. Honesty above all.

He’d like it if they are super curious and creative, too. Picking up new hobbies and interests is something he’d be up to anytime, and it doesn’t matter what it is either. He’d give anything a try—from knitting to marine biology, no questions asked.

Something he’d dislike is if the person is too materialistic. It’s not like he’s a completely spiritual being and lives with 0 detachments to objects but he’s a firm believer in what Antoine de Saint-Exupéry said: what is essential is invisible to the eye. And, you know, what you truly find essential is up to you; it can mean family, friends, love, hope, all of that… he just wants you to love life itself as much as he does.

Yuta

He’d probably like one of the two drastic variants: a very gentle, sweet person or someone who’s on his level of flirtatiousness and boldness. Wouldn’t mind any, but he needs a strong personality, either way, you know? No blandness here. 

Something very attractive to him is being involved in social issues and caring for the world around you. Very sexc, yes, and also likes people that make others smile.

Something that would make him quite literally give up on someone is the excessive fear of change, or just the will to remain in their comfort zone at all costs. He earns for a person that wants to live life to its fullest. If not they’re not ride-or-die to that level, then he hopes they at least accompany and support him in all of the things he wants to do. 

One thing that is very tied to that is his dislike for know-it-alls. He lives in such a diverse scenario that it’s just dumb for him to think someone would ever be capable of knowing every piece of information on everything that’s out there. He’s fine with people making mistakes, but if they can’t admit to that or admit they don’t know something he just gets pissed off. So, yeah, he’d avoid stuck-ups.

Doyoung

He’d like someone very loyal and fair, who treats people with respect but calls them out if they ever have to. I think he’d prefer a person that is naturally a deep thinker and wouldn’t lose their mind over small disagreements. 

Much like Johnny, he likes that intellectual side of yours, and when I say that I don’t mean like “ah, he’d want to date a math genius” or something. No, no. I’m referring to all types of intellectuality and intelligence. The thing for him is simply using your brain and being proud of it. He would just dislike a person that kind of lives life on autopilot, you know?

He’d like it if they’re interested or professionally involved with music somehow and would consider their opinions in his career. He wouldn’t mind if their taste is hugely different from his, though. It’s alright if pop music is not your favourite or if you have no idea who EXO is (lol). All he wants is to see the world through your eyes too, in all aspects of life including this one.

Will also love you forever if you side with him when he’s being teased by the others, because, c’mon, it’s always 22 people against poor, defenceless Doyoung. Please don’t join them, he’s begging you—

Jaehyun

This is very, very clear to me but he needs to be with an independent person. He’s quite sentimental and he has his more romantic moments, sure, but he wants someone that can give him the space he needs when he needs it. A person that’s constantly begging him for attention would be way more of a burden than anything else.

Also, he’s 100% alright with someone that has a very explicit and loud love language (like saying “I love you” 300 times a day) but he’s not like that, and he needs them to see that. Jaehyun could NOT be with a person that doesn’t appreciate the love he shows in the little things, like making coffee in the morning, and if they ever question the way he feels… yeah, not good. He’d feel misunderstood and that’s a big no-no.

He’d find it cute if they’re bubbly or just very youthful but is also capable of falling for an old soul that shares his interests in things like classical music and vinyls. I don’t think he’d ever get with someone that's kind of a tech addict, though, idk why but that’s quite clear to me. Always being on your phone or caring too much about social media would probably make him feel like you’re not grateful for the things you have around you, in real life. So, yeah, not attractive, bestie.

Jungwoo

Jungwoo is a very, very, very sweet person and he needs someone who’s also like that. He wouldn’t care if that’s there for everyone to see, in the sense that they’re not shy about it, or if it’s a part of them that only a couple of close people know. As long as it’s there, he’s happy.

Aside from that, I think he’s fully capable of falling in love with quite literally anyone. He can see the beauty in all types of people, from all places, backgrounds, races, and just—anyone. He’s just so full of love for people, ah I can’t even. He’s too good for this world.

Some things that could, however, push him away from getting to know someone: a negative way of thinking, being too traditionalistic, and too much scepticism. He’s fine with people that like to honour the past and their roots but like, you’ve gotta keep up with the world you live in and accept that things change. I think that’s very tied to how much he likes defying masculine standards, too. 

The scepticism thing is quite simple: he can handle teasing just fine but if they’re constantly making fun of him for wearing his heart on his sleeve or being a bit goofy, he’d feel kind of betrayed.

---

final notes: this is the 3rd nct work i’m posting here and i’m already writing more, so i think it’s time i set up a masterlist, a fic rec blog and a tag list. if you want to be tagged in my future fics, let me know (dm, comments, anything) :)

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #255

“who gives a fuck if they hate you; you’re the god that they pray to.”

How many pillows do you sleep with? Two. Could you go a day not talking to the last person you kissed? It would suck. What was the last song you listened to that made you cry? I didn't like, sob, but "Another Life" by Motionless In White does it. Your ex REALLY needs you at 3am and you have a way to their house would you go? Well, I can't with Sara considering she lives two hours away, and that's by plane. If she lived here, duh. For Girt or Jason, yes. Without saying any names what is one thing that you would like to say to someone(s)? I'm sorry. Would your parents get mad if you got drunk while they were present? No. Would you date someone who lived in another state? Eh, maybe. I don't know if I want to do long-distance again. I mean I probably would, but idk. Are you friends with your ex? Sara and Girt, yes. Who is the person you last texted? Sara. When’s the last time you told people you were fine, but really weren’t? I dunno, I honestly don't lie about that often. When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? Months back when I found out the shit my therapist said about me and disability. Not only did I want to knock her jaw off, but I sobbed for like, a long-ass time. Who did you spend your summer with last year? Just Mom, really. ... Or wait, maybe that was the summer Sara was here??? My memory is such shit, idk if that was last year or the one before. What’s bothering you right now? Stress about dropping out. Have you lost friends in the past year? I don't think so, at least. Have you and the last person you kissed ever talked about going out? We did date. If the person you’re dating said they were falling in love with you, what would you do? I'm not dating anyone. Who was the last person you were in love with for more than a year? Sara. Do you have a secret life? RP stays a pretty big secret. Have you ever seen the last person you kissed without a shirt? Yes. Do your parents know EVERYTHING about you? No. What are you watching? Nothing rn, surprisingly. I'm listening to music. Are you friends with your best friend’s boyfriend or girlfriend? She's single. Don’t tell me lies, is the last person you texted attractive? Yeah. There’s a serial killer in your house, what do you do? Jump out the window. If the last person you kissed went back to their first love, what would you do? I think I am hers. Do you own any bug spray? No, not currently. We need some damn wasp killer. Every spring/summer, they build a nest literally right above our back door. Are you a good gift giver? Honestly think I'm really good at it. I always try to put a load of thought into it. What's the longest trip you’ve ever been on? The drives to either NY or Florida. I can't remember which is further. Are you a daughter or son-in-law? No. Do you know anyone in the military? Multiple people. Do you like your significant other's siblings? N/A Have you ever received a singing birthday card? Yeah. Those always suck when you open them and boom, loud singing to an obnoxious song. Do you own anything made by APPLE? My iPod. Have you ever tried Hamburger helper? Yeah, that was a semi-frequent dinner as a kid. I never liked it that much, though. What was your first car's color? N/A Do you have a best friend? Ye. Do you remember who your Kindergarten teacher was? I do. Do you have a favorite president? A least favorite? No, considering I don't know enough about any and their policies. Can you french braid? No. Were you ever a girl scout or a boy scout? I was as a tiny kid. I met my first best friend that way. What's your least favorite color? I'm just gonna use the very basic colors: yellow or green. Do you know anyone in jail? Not currently. Do you have kids? Ew. What's the strangest name you’ve ever heard? Apples. Yes. I'm serious. How old were you when you learned to walk? Idk. Do you own anything made of lace? Yeah. What's your favorite football team? Idc. What kind of bubble gum do you chew? Just about any. Fruity is my favorite. Do you wear a one-piece bathing suit or two-piece, a speedo or trunks? NOBODY needs to see me in a two-piece. Did you go to your senior prom? Yes. Do you support a charity? Well of course. I used to give coins to those super-old charity things for sick kids back in the day, but I can't remember the exact charity it was. I also donated hair to Children With Hair Loss a couple years back. I haven't donated to any other that I know of bc no personal income and I don't ask my parents for money really, but boy have I wanted to. I always use that Facebook feature where you pick a charity to share and ask for donations for your birthday, though; I've done the Trevor Project and one for pancreatic cancer in honor of my grandmother. I don't remember the others. Do you pop your knuckles? EW no please don't in my presence @ Sara. Do you scrapbook? No. I just don't have the creative drive and dedication to. If you could change your eye color would you and to what color? A much brighter blue. Have you ever had braces? For a long-ass time because we couldn't afford to take them off. One tooth is pushed too far back because of it. Imagine your dream home, does it have a fence around it? No. I want to live in the woods where *that's* my yard. When were you the saddest in your whole life? 2016 OH WOWIE WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever seen a ghost? I definitely believe I have. Are you a virgin? No. How many books do you read a month? I like, just started reading again, so I can't say. Can you type fast? Very. In school were you bullied? I'm extremely thankful I wasn't. Have you ever swam in the ocean? Yes, I love it. Do you own a boat? Not me myself, no. Dad does. What about a camper? No. Do you read the newspaper? No. Are you on any teams? Team Mystic in Pokemon Go *waggles fist @ criticism* If you died today where do you think you’d go? Idk. Who really knows what happens when you die. I hope it's some serene existence, but, *shrugs*. Do you know anyone who is pregnant? Ummmm I don't think so. Who is the first contact in your cell phone? Best friend! :') What color are you bed sheets? The one I'm using now is light blue. Do you use online dating? I cannot FUCKING believe I was briefly on Christian Mingle I would actually rather die- How often are you sick? Extremely rarely. Did/Do you miss a lot of school? Eh. I had my mental health days and had to leave early a lot. Do you like scented candles? Yeah man. When was the last time you were told you were pretty/beautiful/gorgeous? When I recently changed my FB picture after forever. Do you hate the last guy, other than family, you had a conversation with? No. What’s the last thing that made you laugh? Roman being silly. If someone were to ask you out right now would you say yes? I don't know. Do you have a secret that you’ve never told anyone? Yeah. Name four things you want right now: My fucking tattoo updated laksjdlflw, a healthy goddamn weight, my laptop, and a tarantula omg. Do you prefer to hold or be held? I mean, it depends on who we're talking about. I guess generally held? Are you currently wanting any piercings? You have no idea. Are you afraid of falling in love? Very. What was the last thing that made you feel like your life was complete? lol I've never felt that. You ever slept on the floor with someone you liked? Yeah. Do you still speak to any of your classmates from elementary school? Off the very top of my head, no. Does it take a lot to make you cry? NOPE. What is the wallpaper on your computer screen? Why did you choose it? One of my favorite pictures of Teddy, because I adore and miss him. Is there a pattern on the pants you’re currently wearing? Which one? Plaid. Do you like going to baby showers? Do you go only for the cake? I mean, not especially. They're crowded and it's a bad association anyway since it was the last time I hung out with Jason. The cake is indeed the best part, lmao. Mexican food, Chinese food, Italian food, French food or American food? American. What is the color scheme of your absolute favorite fast-food restaurant? Red, yellow, and blue. Do people ever ask you to do things they’re too short to accomplish? Very rarely. I'm not all that tall. Is there carpet or hardwood floor in your bedroom? Carpet. Do you believe in superstitious things such as breaking a mirror? No. Do you get sick of people who call themselves bipolar all the time? As someone who is bipolar, very much so, yes. Ever have an ultra-sound performed on you? What was it for? Yes, for my liver. I was fine. Do you like those "end of the world," "Armageddon" movies? Not especially. Ever been choked severely on something during lunch at your school? No. Do you remember who you sat next to in Kindergarten? Who was it? No. Has anyone ever compared you to an animal? Which one(s)? No. Do you eat more vegetables or fruits? What’s your favorite fruit/veggie? Fruits, by far. Strawberries and broccoli. Something on the human body that grosses you out the most: This is not intentional or meant to be discriminatory of those with 'em, but penises literally repulse me visually. Do you like meeting new people? What’s your most common greeting? Yeah, even though I'm scared. I think I say "hi" or "hey" most. What is something that bothers you about most surveys in general? Extremely heteronormative. Would you survive if zombies were to take over the world? Why or why not? HA no. I'm an anxious mess that is not fast or nimble in any way. What is your favorite color of apple? Red, green or yellow? I like the reddish/yellowish ones. Do you live anywhere near a mall? Maybe like, 15-20 mins away. If you were dying who would you say goodbye to first out of everyone? My mom. Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? NO. What’s your favorite lunch meat, if you even like any in the first place? Honey ham. Would you rather write with a pen or a pencil? Why is this? Pencil, by far. You can erase. Scibbling stuff out looks messy. Have you ever wanted to be in a band? What position exactly? I am NOT kidding: one of the motivating factors of me going back to public school after 8th grade was the idea of making new friends and maybe making a band to be the guitarist lmfao. Who is your role model or hero in life if you have one? I have multiple for different reasons, but #1's gotta be Mark, man. Were you a really mean kid or a sweet and quiet kid? I was a really friendly kiddo. Do you keep secrets from your parents that you don’t keep from your friends? I don't think so. What is your father’s best friend’s name? Do you know them personally? Idk who that would be. Ever submit a video to America’s Funniest Home Videos? I don't believe we have. The most painful medical procedure you’ve ever had? Jesus fuck, I wouldn't wish having an infected cyst drained without NEARLY enough numbing medication on the goddamn devil. Are you someone who likes to eat Poptarts? What’s your favorite flavor? Yeah. I like the chocolate sundae one most. Ever have a dream you’re being abducted by aliens? Was it scary? No. What is your favorite flavor of Doritos? What do you drink with them? MMMMMMMMMMM cool ranch. Usually soda with chips. What is your favorite nickname you like to be called? Why do you like it? Ozzy. *shrugs* I like my online nickname and the "y" added sounds kinda affectionate ig. Do you already have your outfit for tomorrow planned out? I don’t plan my outfits. Has your favorite song ever been featured on a commercial? No. What would you say was the best year of your life? Why? 2017. SO MUCH DEVELOPMENT AND HEALING!!!!!!! Have you ever been pulled over by the cops for speeding? No. Is anyone in your family a firefighter? Who is it anyway? No.

[silverlightqueen]

k-pop opinions

so y’all I was watching some unpopular kpop opinion videos on youtube and omg, a bitch has so much to say like they were all just so wrong, so here I am with some of my opinions (and idk how to make youtube videos so you’re just gonna have to settle for this)

disclaimer: if you disagree with any of my opinions…. I don’t care lmao

1.      BTS vocal line is fantastic and versatile 

I’m not gonna claim to be a musical expert here, but all four of the boys in the vocal line are so talented. everyone hypes rap line (and they deserve it too) but I rarely see stuff about how amazing vocal line is, and they’re so versatile (examples = Jin in Awake and Dionysus, Jimin in Lie and Serendipity, Taehyung in Stigma and DNA, and Jungkook in Boy In Luv and Begin). also, to those who say BTS can’t sing well live, here are some videos to prove that wrong

 Hold Me Tight - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsQget6baP8 (Jimin’s high note though🤩)

Fire - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cbSy36fu6Pk

Save Me - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BN-atw8wCw

Spring Day - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cMqmnhgNLXY (ft Hoseok’s beautiful vocals too)

Stigma - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MwoPKn_qh8k (Tae literally ate a CD before this, idc)

Let Me Know - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PIKjNauCHzc (another Jimin high note)

Awake - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gCt0UlkMZU (my favourite Jin performance of all time)

Begin - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mqUejlb0z1o (JK’s stability also needs a shoutout because damn, he could be running a marathon and his voice is still stable asf)

Euphoria - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y4oRxgvoDCc (that little switch up he did in the bridge whilst flying through the air omg)

 2.      Twice’s cute concept suits them and that’s it

before I got into Kpop, I used to just see at as cringy bubblegum pop and never saw myself liking that. and then I heard Twice’s Fancy. that shit slaps and I won’t hear anything else. the girls pull off the cute concept so well, and the outfits and mv visuals are amazing like Twice is owning it. I’m not really a Twice fan but I’ve listened to some of their other title tracks and I think they’re really good, like Twice do the cute concept really well. also, Mina, Sana, Nayeon and Jihyo’s vocals during the bridge give me chills, they sound amazing)

 3.      if idols can’t sing/rap/perform well live, they shouldn’t be idols

I’m not aiming this at anyone in particular, so don’t get mad and start defending your faves in the comments, but the whole kpop culture is live performances. idols do live performances all the time, much more often than western artists, and so it is so important that they can perform live well. this includes vocal stability, volume, strength, breath control, everything.

 4.      stop putting female artists in dresses/skirts so short that we can see their shorts underneath

performing live to an audience is hard; I know, I’m a dancer, and I’ve done it (not to audiences as big as ones of k-pop artists obviously, but the point still stands). when you’re onstage, you want more than anything to feel comfortable so you can give a performance to the best of your ability and feel proud of yourself afterwards. I’m sorry, but I find it hard to believe that these female idols feel comfortable dancing in clothes that are so short and so tight. they can barely move properly, which limits the effort they can put into the choreography, making them seem lazy. I’m not saying this because I disagree with sKiMpY cLoTHiNg but I just think it’s ridiculous and must be uncomfortable for the female idols. it also limits the complexity of their choreographies, which is when you get shitty, boring and unentertaining choreographies, in comparison to some boy group choreographies. I’m sorry, but if I was following certain boy groups performances at an award show with a simple choreography like ddu-du ddu-du (no shade, I love it, it’s just simple), I’d be a little bit embarrassed lol

 5.      Blackpink have so much potential and YG just doesn’t use it

I don’t even know where to start. there isn’t a single blackpink song out there that I don’t like; their vocals and rap are good, choreography and visuals are good, everything is good. but they could be so much better. first of all, Rosé’s voice is so beautiful and unique and I don’t know why they make her sing in that stupid voice. it’s going to start damaging her voice soon enough and I don’t know why they do it. second, Jisoo’s voice is so amazing and she always has the least lines. I just think her voice is beautiful but she’s so underused in their songs. third, Lisa is such a good dancer, but the Blackpink choreographies don’t do her justice. they need to give her little solo bits in the choreos or something because her talent is just going to waste.

 6.      Blackpink are overhyped

controversial, and before y’all start, I love Blackpink like tattoo blonde Jennie in the KTL teaser on my forehead please, but it needs to be said; Blackpink don’t deserve the hype they get. this point links in with the point above because omg they literally have like 15 songs, and they’ve been around for like 3 years. they haven’t even released a full album like damn YG be clowning us, stanning a group that’s never released an album. I’m sorry, but they get so much hype, when there are other groups out there, that are so much more versatile, their choreographies are better, their songs are better, they’re just better in general. I’m not blaming the bp girls for this because we all know it’s YG’s fault. if maybe they had the chance, with better choreographies, better songs, better everything, then they would be deserving of the hype they get

 7.      STOP SENDING HATE TO BLACKPINK WHEN IT’S NOT THEIR FAULT, IT’S YG THEY’RE THE MOST HATED ON GIRL GROUP AND THEY DON’T DESERVE IT LEAVE THEM ALONE

8.      NCT 127 line distribution is a joke and I don’t know why it hasn’t been spoken about more

the fact that in Regular, Taeyong and Mark both have more than 30 seconds each, and Winwin doesn’t even have a full 5 seconds is ridiculous. in Cherry Bomb, Taeyong and Mark both have more than 40 seconds and Johnny has less than 9. SM need to distribute lines between them more effectively, or cut down the members in the group (and one of them is a much better choice than the other). they’re all talented but SM only seems to recognise Taeyong and Mark and idk why tbh.

 9.      being told to stan someone will make me want to stan them even less

no shade at the group themselves, but all I see on twitter is Loona stans saying to stan Loona (it’s not just Loona but that’s the one that comes to mind). you telling me to stan them doesn’t make me want to stan them. I’m sure they’re super talented and nice people, but I now have no desire to find that out for myself.

 10.   ARMY are constantly being shit on for being a nEgATiVe fAnBaSe when the majority of ARMY are amazing, generous and kind people

obviously, every fanbase has toxic fans, that goes without saying, but for some reason, ARMY has a reputation amongst the kpop community for being toxic and negative, and I just don’t see it. every time someone who doesn’t know about BTS tweets about them, all the replies are ARMYs gently and kindly educating them, giving them links and pictures so they can learn more. they’ve donated so much money to charity and done so many charitable things under the boys names, and the ARMY community is just full of amazing wonderful people. stop shitting on us for no reason, y’all just hate us because your faves probably like them too lol

 11.   you can’t call yourself a stan of a group if you don’t like all the members

in my opinion, I don’t see how someone could call themselves an ARMY if they don’t like all of BTS, a Once if you don’t like all of Twice, a blink if you don’t like all of Blackpink, an EXO-L if you don’t like all of EXO, a NCTzen if you don’t like all of NCT, etc. imagine the members’ reactions, like I just don’t think you can be a stan if you don’t like all of them members.

 12.   FANCY IS A BOP I KNOW I’VE ALREADY SAID IT BUT I DON’T CARE, I WILL LISTEN TO IT ON REPEAT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE, LIKE I’LL PLAY THAT BITCH AT MY WEDDING LMAO

 13.   please stop putting people into groups just for their looks

like I’m sorry but how can you put someone who can’t sing/dance/rap into a kpop group, make it make sense. by doing that, it also teaches people that you can get far based on your looks and your looks only (and don’t start bringing models into this because y’all know damn well it’s not the same thing). I get the idea of a visual, sure, but if they can’t sing or rap as well, what’s the point? 

 14.   STOP CALLING NAMJOON AND JIN BAD DANCERS. THEY MUST HAVE SEEN THAT SHIT ON TWITTER (AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THAT IHEART RADIO THING) AND HOW DO YOU THINK THAT MAKES THEM FEEL AFTER THE YEARS OF HARD WORK AND EFFORT THEY’VE PUT INTO THEIR DANCING. THE FACT IS THAT THEY CAN PROBABLY DANCE BETTER THAN MOST OF Y’ALL SO SHUT IT AND LET THE SYNCHRONISATION IN SAVE ME AT KCON TALK INSTEAD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bija-HneHNI

 15.   Not Today’s line distribution is still a joke and I will never get over it

Jin has less than 5 seconds and JK has over a minute. I don’t think I need to say anything else because y’all should agree with me

 16.   kpop culture is so toxic and then y’all wonder why locals call us crazy

fanwars, solo stans, streaming wars, ‘maybe they should’ve stanned ___’, etc. are just some of the things that back this statement up. not just the culture with stans, but also the companies and idol lifestyle is really bad, overworking idols is one thing that bothers me, but mainly the whole weight thing. the fact that trainees literally starve themselves to fit the companies’ standards is so wrong and disgusting on so many levels. people don’t have to be stick thin to be successful like I don’t understand. it’s so unhealthy, it puts lives in danger, and it also encourages fatphobia.

 17.   STREAM EPIPHANY BITCHES ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fIkZOLsnoqY )

 18.   you’re allowed to stan one member of a group, but hating on other members of that group or liking all members and hating on one is trash and you deserve no rights if you do that

that’s it from me, discuss and debate with me in the comments or drop me an ask (but don’t bother sending hate bc i’ll just ignore you lol), if this doesn’t flop I’ll do some more bc god knows I've got enough to say...…. um stream epiphany and fancy bye

[pickalilywrites]

Idc how long it takes for you to get to this request so I'll leave it here anyway. I see there's a pattern with the ships you write for and get requested to write for. It's mainly Jeankasa, anything involving Jean/Sasha/Connie and sometimes Ereani. Therefore my request is for you to write for a ship that you don't usually do. Whether it's Eremika, Eruri, Reibert, Yumikuri, write whatever ship you want as long as it's not one you usually write for and maybe even one you've never written before.

Eh, it fluctuates depending on the chapters, you know. Although I think the variety of my fics is the best its ever been!

For all the Hilow shippers with all my love. ♡ Please allow me to write for you guys more in the future ^^

All the Words I Should Have Said

Hilow. Canonverse. 

1982 words. 

She wants to believe that it’s a surprise when Marlowe announces that he’s leaving the Military Police for the Survey Corps. He’s always been seeking to make a real change and anyone who wants to accomplish anything doesn’t laze around with the Military Police. If they’re foolish and stupid and brave, they join the Survey Corps where they fight recklessly in the hopes that their deaths will bring humanity closer to freedom. Marlowe is one of those idiots. Hitch, however, is not, which is why she is here saying farewell to the biggest idiot she’s ever known and the only person she’s ever admired.

Hitch twirls one of her curls around her finger, watching as Marlowe packs his few belongings before he leaves. “So I guess you’re really doing it,” she says out loud. She hates how uncaring her voice sounds, but she can’t bring herself to show her true feelings, not when he’s the one leaving her. “I always thought you were secretly too scared to do anything. I guess you weren’t actually just all talk.”

He frowns as he decides what things he’ll bring, what things he’ll throw away. After tossing aside fancy pins and badges that are meant for decoration at military balls, he shoves a belt into his bag – because everyone knows that no matter how much the Survey Corps is being paid or fed, he’s going to lose weight and a lot of it. Finally turning to Hitch, his bag fully packed, he says, “After all this time, you still think I was nothing but a coward? What does that make you when you’re the one who’s going to stay?”

And that’s true enough. She has no intention of sacrificing her life. No one has asked it of her and even if they did, she’d never go. She doesn’t owe anyone anything.

Still, his comment stings and she would lash out at him if it this weren’t the last time they were going to see each other. So what if she’s a coward for staying here and wanting to live? He’s a selfish bastard for leaving her all alone with these vapid people with their vapid thoughts just so he can play hero.

She smiles at him, bitter. “Is that how you want to talk to the only person who’s come to see you off?”

They’re not exactly friends. Now, they’re hardly even allies. But their time together must mean something, right? At least she thought it had, and perhaps he does too because he does look apologetic for what he’s said. He fumbles with his bag, shifting it on and off his shoulder. “I really do appreciate it, you coming here,” he says quietly. He stands there awkwardly, deciding on where to move. For a second, Hitch thinks that he’s moving towards her, that he’ll wrap her in his arms and beg her to tell him to stay. If he does that, she just might, but he doesn’t. He just walks up to her and puts a hand on her shoulder. “Thank you.”

She lets out a breath that she never knew she was holding and she can feel her heart drop in her chest. “Of course,” she says, but he’s already moved on, walking out the door. She can only watch as he walks away from her, never to return. What she says is, “Goodbye.”

What she should have said, “Please don’t leave me.”

She despises the Military Police despite being a part of it. They’re void of any real thoughts or feelings, their heads filled with only their own meaningless desires. When she had first joined the Military Police, she thought she would fit in easily. They don’t care about anyone or anything about themselves. She’s a fool for thinking she could ever be that selfish.

A boy named Trennan leans in too close to her during breakfast. There are crumbs all over his mouth that he hasn’t bothered wiping off. Hitch cringes when he speaks because she sees that he hasn’t finished chewing the food in his mouth. “Hey, whatever happened to that Marlowe guy? Weren’t you two close?” he asks.

Before Hitch can answer, another girl across the table answers for her. “He joined the Survey Corps a while ago,” she says. She’s a plain girl from Stohess. Hitch had thought her boring when they had first joined the Military Police, so she never bothered remembering the girl’s name. “Can you imagine anyone trading this for life to go fooling around with those idiots?”

Those sitting at the table laugh because even though they’ve been putting down the Scouting Legion for years, they haven’t grown tired of it. These boring people with their boring jokes. Hitch can hardly stand to be with them now, and she doesn’t know how she managed to tolerate them before.

She opens her mouth, ready to snap at them for insulting Marlowe when they hardly know him. They just enjoy putting people down to make themselves feel better about their pathetic selves. And she says “them,” but she knows that she was just like them before. She’s such a hypocrite.

She fakes a smile, poking at her food but not actually eating any of it. Feeling nothing but hatred for herself as she laughs along with them, she finds herself saying, “Well, you know Marlowe. He was always an idiot, so I’m sure he’ll feel right at home with them.”

She should have told them that Marlowe is a better man than any of them will ever be.

Marlowe writes letters to her occasionally when he has the time for it, but he never writes often enough, and he never says the things she wants him to say. He only writes to her about the Survey Corps members he’s been getting to know, the ruins of places outside the walls, and the feeling that he’s about to do something great. He never tells her about the missions they go on – that’s classified information after all – or anything especially important. Sometimes he forgets to ask her how she’s doing, only scrawling a “best wishes” at the end of his note.

She feels like a fool for even reading his letters and an even bigger one for rereading them every chance she gets. She’s memorized his handwriting – every dot, every cross, every loop – and traces every stroke with her finger.

Hitch always says she won’t write to him. What’s the point if he might not even read it before he’s…well. But she ends up writing to him anyway every time.

She thinks about telling him her true feelings, her actual feelings. Oh, but only a coward would write a confession instead of saying it out loud in person, and she’s the biggest coward of them all because she won’t write it or say it.

Instead, she writes drafts that all end with the same three words only to hastily scratch them all out again with her pen. By the end of the night, crumpled pieces of paper litter her floor. She’s sure she’ll have to buy another well of ink tomorrow if she keeps this up.

Frustrated and tired, Hitch scribbles her last letter, horribly dissatisfied because she has said nothing she wanted to say.

At the end of her letter are the words “Good luck” followed by her name.

She should have written, “Come back.” But even if she did, he never would.  

Hitch tosses and turns beneath her sheets, slipping in and out of her dreams. People she used to be friends with tell her that she spends too much time in bed. She laughs and jokes about how she’s probably the laziest out of everyone in the Military Police – their work barely consists of anything, but she’d still rather laze around in bed, enjoying the warmth of her blankets. It’s a lie, but they’re stupid enough to believe her.

The truth is, she only sleeps because she can’t bear being awake. All her thoughts eventually come back to the boy who will never return. At least in her dreams, her mind forgets that he ever left. In her dreams, she fantasizes that he’s still here with her. They make fun of the idiots in the Military Police – them included – and they don’t have to worry about the world outside. He can be as idiotically idealistic as he wants, and she can be as stupidly cynical as she wants; they’ll argue and fight each other, but they’ll laugh and smile as well because at least they’ll be together.

It’s always the same when she wakes up. Even the warmth of her thick blankets can’t hide the fact that she’s horribly alone without him. To distract herself, she thinks of what will happen when Marlowe comes home because he has to come home. If he doesn’t…

She conjures up the image of Marlowe, beaten and bruised but still alive. He leans against his new comrades but when he sees her, his face breaks into a smile. When he falls, her arms are the ones that catch him.

Hitch wonders what she says when he comes home. She has multiple options in the back of her mind, ones that she’s tried out in her head over and over, but she always settles on the same words every time. “Welcome back.”

What she should say is “I missed you.”

When the Survey Corps return from Shiganshina, hardly any of them are left. Hitch scours their faces looking for the one she’s been hoping to see, but they all disappoint her. She should go to them, ask them if they have any idea where Marlowe is, but she’s scared of the answer that she might receive. It seems like she was the coward all along.

She doesn’t find out what happened to him until a few days after the Survey Corps have returned. There’s an official military notice stating the outcome of the expedition: the contents of the infamous basement have been recovered, the Colossal Titan has now been captured and under their control, and they had lost all but nine of their soldiers. Marlowe was not included in the nine. There wouldn’t be a formal funeral for any of them – none of the bodies could be recovered – but a ceremony would be performed in honor of those who gave their lives to humanity.

Hitch is the only one from the Military Police to attend the ceremony. After Trost, she never thought she would go to another one of these. She had just shoved it into the back of her mind, promising herself that everything would be fine now that she was safe. Now she knows that everything is hell and there is no point in being safe if everything she cares about is taken away from her.

The fires blaze in front of her, the flame burning only as a symbol because those who had been lost are just that – lost. Before long, they’ll just be forgotten along the Wall and no one will remember that they were there. It’s what breaks her heart the most. He’s just…gone, not even a body to prove that he existed.

She doesn’t want to cry, not in front of these Survey Corps members who hardly know her. She stands there, biting her lip, staring into the fire for so long that its brightness is beginning to hurt her eyes.

All the words she dreamed of saying to him, and now she can’t. The least she can do is bid him farewell. So she mumbles, “Goodbye,” her voice so quiet that it’s almost inaudible under the roar of the fire.

Those are her last words to him, but her last words should have been the three words that she’s kept for so long. Three words, three simple words, but when she opens her mouth to say them, nothing comes out.

[punkscowardschampions]

Rio & Buster

Rio: You got no business looking that good Rio: This is a religious holiday Buster: Don't look at me like that Buster: You're being unholy yourself, like Rio: Ha, try and make me stop Rio: we're fine, everyone's too busy with their lamb, thanks da Buster: You might be fine but I'm eventually gonna have to get up from this table Rio: You want me to pass you some water, babe? Buster: Don't you dare Rio: Salt? The peas? Buster: Behave Rio: But I'm bored Rio: and you're hot Buster: Well, bored isn't the word for how you're making me feel Buster: And don't start me on how you fucking look Rio: But I need to know what you're thinking Buster: But I thought you knew everything, babe Buster: Losing your touch already, like Rio: You want me to show you I ain't here and now? Rio: Well, okay Buster: Okay Buster: Go on Rio: Damn, been a while since I had to play footsie Buster: If you aren't up to it, like Rio: Please Rio: You know I could get you off from here if I wanted to Buster: You promising or warning me? Rio: Neither Rio: 😇 naturally Rio: wish it was though Buster: I wish you were on my lap right now Rio: Baby 😩 Rio: Play nice Buster: 😇 Buster: Get me a drink, yeah? I wanna see more of you Rio: What you want? Buster: Surprise me Rio: Stick to your usual Rio: Raising enough eyebrows being civil, never mind if I get you a 🍸 Buster: 😂 Buster: I can throw it back in your face if you like Buster: Be very uncivil Rio: 😂 Rio: I know you want me on you but you want it that bad you'll settle for a fat lip Buster: I'll take it if you call me later to make up Rio: Face that cute? I could never Rio: Though makeup sex is always worth it Buster: Never say never, babe Rio: You planning to get me that mad already? Buster: Like you said, we're raising eyebrows otherwise Rio: Hmpf Buster: Don't look at me like that either Rio: I can't help it Rio: I want you Rio: I hate pretending otherwise Rio: even though we gotta, obvs Buster: I know, babe Buster: There's gotta be something this fam is running low on so I can be a gent and take you to buy more Rio: Not fucking eggs that's for sure, think they've forgotten we ain't kids anymore Rio: the haul Jay's gonna walk away with will last her 'til she's at least 2 Buster: Maybe if I leave them here Buster: Chlo ain't got the willpower or memo that she ain't a kid herself Buster: I'd offer to keep drinking so we run out but I already don't trust myself around you Rio: Wouldn't be a proper function if someone didn't get wasted and disgrace themselves Rio: Put you to bed before you properly drag us both down, don't worry babe Buster: Don't, I need you to take me to bed Buster: or anywhere else Rio: I know Rio: I'll think of something Buster: Couldn't you have worn a church look or whatever Buster: Fuck's sake Rio: This is my church look Rio: turning it out for Jesus 💁 Buster: 'Course Buster: Ready to pray, yeah? Rio: Think pretending I dropped something only works in the porn but I'm game to see if you are Buster: I'm game for everything Rio: I know Rio: Thank fuck 🙌🙏 Buster: Am I a bad person if I use my kid as an excuse to leave? Rio: Hmm Rio: Probably but church portion of the day well out the way so even the big man can't be judging Buster: Fuck I can't though, can I? She's loving all this Rio: Yeah, bless her Buster: Least she's too young to know that her mum didn't contribute to the easter basket or even wish her a happy one Buster: Too busy flirting with me, like Rio: 😒 Rio: Bitch Buster: I told her me and Erin broke up 'cause there was someone else but she only heard the first part, obviously Buster: Not even any of her business what I do but that's a whole other story Rio: That'll be fun then, thinking she's got more of a chance than she usually does Rio: How does she not die of shame, like Buster: She'll outlive everyone Buster: Just to fuck me off Rio: 😂 Rio: all those spa trips Rio: going to the fucking fountain of youth Buster: Honestly Buster: I'm gonna need a buy myself a spa if she goes through with her plan to come here and pick Jay up Rio: 😬 Rio: least I get to see her best attempt at a seduce 'em 'fit Rio: see what I'm up against, like Buster: 😂 Buster: Indie's got more game and she's a kid Rio: pass on the compliment Rio: full of the joys of spring, babe Buster: She'll love that. I've seen her looking at me when I'm trying not to look at you Rio: Can't blame her Rio: You look especially good rn Buster: Still not on your level, babe Buster: You're so fucking beautiful Rio: Don't Rio: gonna make me blush Buster: I have to Buster: You need to know Rio: Baby Rio: Come find me in 5 idc Rio: I've got to see you properly Buster: Where? Rio: The studio upstairs Rio: there's old toys and shit in there that we can be trying to find Buster: and good lighting Buster: 'cause you know I wanna see you properly too Rio: Exactly Rio: you can appreciate fully Buster: I'm really appreciating how loud this fam is right now Rio: Got their uses Buster: If Jay gets much more hype there ain't nothing I couldn't do that they'd pick up on Rio: She's stealing your thunder, it true Rio: everyone too 😍 to notice us Buster: Good Buster: I only want you to notice me anyway Buster: No offense Indie Rio: Trust, I've not been able to focus on anything else Buster: I'm not sorry Rio: Me either but still gonna make you 😏 Buster: Go Buster: I'll see you in 5 Rio: 👋 Buster: I can't believe we actually got away with that Buster: Again Rio: We're just that good Rio: or they're just really deaf Buster: I like option 1 Buster: You're so good, Rio Rio: You too baby Rio: No matter how many times you make me cum, never enough, like Rio: mad Buster: What are you doing later? Buster: Come over and I won't stop Rio: Got a shift but can probably pop 'round after and Indie won't be home yet to clock I'm not Rio: thinks I got a mans anyway so Buster: As long as you don't wake Jay you can come over when you want Buster: Yeah? What did you tell her Rio: Of course Rio: 😶😇 Rio: Oh, that I've been fucking you, obviously Buster: Cheers for making me choke on my drink like a soft cunt, babe Buster: Hilarious Buster: Grandad's looking at me like I killed a bloke Rio: 😂 sacrilege to not be able to handle your drink in this fam Rio: just can't handle my bants, soz babe Buster: He'd rather I did someone over with my glass, I know Rio: Questionable ethics for a easter egg hunt for kiddos but go off, old man Buster: 😂 Buster: Gotta keep that competitive edge Rio: Don't, this lot need a referee Rio: putting Indie and Jan on time out Buster: I volunteer Grace Buster: Imagine like Rio: Definition of lamb to the slaughter Rio: appropriate for today but poor girl 😂 Buster: I'll cut her some slack, she's good with my kid Rio: Yeah Rio: who doesn't love a cute new baby Rio: programmed to in this fam Buster: True Buster: Only reason I ain't disinherited Rio: Weren't you're 'rents basically your age anyway? Rio: Can't judge when you make the same mistakes, just be very, very disappointed on the low 😜 Buster: Different story that we're all sick of hearing though, ain't it? Buster: My dad was in love with my mum when he was like 7 Rio: 'bout to say that's a madness but did mine really mature much in those 8 years like? Rio: 🙄 mental, all of 'em Buster: This fucking fam 🙄🙄 Buster: I'd rather be like Chlo who Rio: As much as she is that forgettable, defs not gonna happen on her watch is it Buster: She's still flirting Buster: Give it up, babe Buster: But like don't Rio: Pretend to be your new crazy gf if you wanna Rio: losing her mind searching for socials that don't exist Buster: Please Rio: Easy Rio: Comforted enough of my friends when they're in the wrong to know how to go off Buster: Come through for me then Rio: Fun Rio: Lemme hit up Grace for her straighteners Buster: She'll be buzzing Rio: Forreal, always trying to come for my hair Buster: 😒 Rio: Probably does look a mess now no thanks to you Rio: like bitch, you been dragged through a hedge backwards what's good Buster: Shut up Buster: You know you look good Rio: You might've mentioned a few times 😋 Buster: I'll show you a few more times if you need me to Buster: Just say the word, like Rio: Trying to get me to say the p word Rio: Gonna have to do better Buster: If I was trying you'd have already said it Rio: Promises, promises Rio: Can have that one for free Buster: Well, can't exactly promise to bend you over the table, much as I might wanna Rio: Buster Rio: Why put that in my head when I'm here having to wash up with the mas Buster: It's been in mine since I got here Rio: ugh Rio: either come help or go away Rio: can't have you near me if you're not gonna be near enough Buster: I like you but I don't like you that much Buster: I'll go do some daddy duties like Rio: 😂 Rio: fucking cheek Rio: good luck getting her away from your ma, that manicures too expensive for our dishwater, like Buster: It's not all you, I ain't about to leave my watch lying around this lot either Rio: have your hand off for it like Rio: didn't you know you were coming to the 24 Buster: I had tunnel vision, didn't I? Rio: Good Rio: how I like it Buster: I know Rio: What else do you know Buster: I know I want to be alone with you Rio: Tonight Buster: Yeah Buster: Unless you've got a better offer all of a sudden, that is Rio: You what? Buster: What I said Rio: Yeah but Rio: No, not since you last checked in like, 10 minutes ago, we're still on babe 😂 Buster: Says you but your phone been blowing up since then Buster: So whatever Rio: It's literally Indie Rio: Told you she's Sherlocking me Rio: Was you jealous? Buster: Fuck off Buster: 'Course not Rio: Awww Rio: How cute Buster: Shut up no Rio: Yeah you were Rio: s'okay, you know you got no reason to be now and i can't tell no one anyway Buster: I always knew I had no reason to be, babe, I ain't no proper competition Buster: That's why I wasn't Rio: Oh, really? Rio: Well then, I won't make an extra special effort to show you how much you do not need to be jealous Rio: Cool with me Buster: Behave Buster: No need to go that far, babe Buster: You can still show me something Rio: Idk now Rio: catch me going through my contacts like 🤔🤔🤔 Rio: got me thinkin' Buster: Yeah you do Buster: You know you won't get better than this right here Rio: Yeah Rio: so you still gonna let me have it or are you too pouty now? Buster: Yeah 'cause you obviously need me to remind you how good you got it with me Rio: Don't but want it so Rio: Please Buster: Let's go then Buster: I'll get Jay ready and follow you out Rio: Can't yet Rio: In fact, brb for a sec Buster: Seriously? Rio: [Suitable amount of time to have a smoke later] Rio: Back Rio: Indie needed some TLC Buster: I reckon you meant THC Rio: That too Buster: You wanna go now? Rio: Reckon this party's pretty much over Rio: got the 🍫 let's ride Buster: I can say I'm giving you a ride yeah? That's just gentlemanly Buster: Otherwise you'll freeze to death waiting around the corner Rio: I appreciate you resisting the urge to make a joke about me working the corner this time, like Rio: much obliged 👍 Rio: yeah, that seems normal and not suspicious Buster: Well, don't actually want that fat lip you threatened me with earlier Buster: Even if you would kiss it better Rio: For a whitey, your lips aren't bad Rio: so I'll leave you how you are 😘 Buster: Cheers Rio: Please tell me there's no family functions for a while? Rio: Hard work not being able to be on you Buster: Christ knows with this fam that I can't make that promise Buster: But I swear you'll never have to wait long for me to come find you whenever there is Rio: Now, THAT'S a promise Buster: And you can hold me to it, babe Rio: I will

[makingspiritualityreal]

This post is a result of years of observation of both fiction and real life behavioral patterns in humans. I had a hard time putting my finger on what I exactly think/feel and I am still not sure I will word it properly and I am prepared to be misunderstood by generally everyone but idc at this point because this just needs to be said and I am inspired rn lol.

First of all, disclaimers.

1. I don’t hate the characters or shows that I will mention in this post, I don’t hate irl people that I saw behaving like this either. 

2. This post is in no way meant to be an offense to the fans of these characters, they have traits I like about them myself and I am well aware of their good sides. 

3. This is in no way a hate post about a one specific person or character, more like one specific behavioral pattern that is hard to stomach for me. 

4. I am also not saying that this post is the absolute truth ruling this universe and everyone should agree or obey, this is my opinion and perception and ofc anyone can disagree. I could maybe call this my pet peeve but “peeve” is not a word strong enough because this is just what brings me personally the most feelings of discomfort in this world (probably somewhere next to failure). 

5. The people and fictional characters I have in mind also have qualities I admire and they don’t necessarily exhibit this trait of character that I dislike 100% of the time (although I am sure it is present all the time somewhere deep inside unless they grow up somehow), which is probably what makes this situation so annoying in the first place, because the feelings I have towards them are always mixed. I don’t condone the people who act like this because anyone can do whatever they want, but I still dislike it.

6. I understand that there is probably a reason why these people/characters end up/are like this in the first place (in some cases, in some it may be irredeemable just being a natural tendency idk lol), maybe this is some coping mechanism, something resulting from pain and trauma, and if it is, well I am sorry for them, but it is still hurtful/annoying and I still dislike it.

7. I am not an apologist. Griffith is one of my favorite, if not the ultimate favorite character. I love him knowing that he is an asshole and does bad things. I am not saying he is the good boy while Guts is the bad boy, because neither of them is black and white. I am just elaborating on why Guts still manages to annoy me more in the end.

8. I didn’t finish Naruto and didn’t read all of Berserk manga. It is possible that the characters I describe change = I don’t have some info. Still, they already managed to behave in this specific way in the first place, even if they grew later (ok I know enough Berserk to know Guts didn’t), which is why they were mentioned in this post.

9. I acknowledge that there is personal gain in having this trait of character for the people/characters who act this way. Still, I think it is at an expense of spiritual growth and it bears some marks of being primitive. Still something I seriously dislike in people. Still hate it tbh. Sorry, folks.

10. There is absolutely nothing wrong with loving yourself, preserving yourself and putting yourself first in a healthy way. You can do all of the above while not behaving in a way I’m about to describe.

11. You have the right to do what you want and pursue your own happiness. You don’t have to indulge other people’s wishes, you are not obliged to reciprocate their feelings or do anything for their sake. You can do all these things in the name of self love without doing this particular thing I’m gonna talk about.

12. I have had people tell me that the reason I feel like this is because I have issues. We all do. Ofc I do. I still think what I think and this is not really only about myself because if I see one fictional character treating another in this way it annoys me too. If I see a person irl treating another like this, it annoys me too. If I see a friend had this done to them, I feel like murdering the other person. Ofc everything in this world is an egocentric projection in the first place but we all function this way doing absolutely everything and it is impossible to remove our personal lenses so there is no point discussing that. As I said, this is my opinion and I am aware of it’s subjectivity.

After this super long preface, let’s get to it then.

I absolutely hate when someone acts as if they are the only person in this universe and whatever they do concerns only them, they live in a bubble and other humans around them don’t notice/feel/care about their actions. Sometimes, these people even have the annoying tendency to tell others that they shouldn’t be affected by their actions, because it doesn’t concern them in the first place. 

Sure, you will not spend your life analysing in great detail how your every breath and every step affects everyone around you, because this is literally impossible to do and you have to take care of your own stuff. What I am speaking about is this particular tendency in some people to exhibit the opposite behavior - be absolutely unconscious about how what they do makes others feel and react on some absolutely basic level that an average person possesses. It is some sort of lack of consciousness about the fact that the moment you do something for yourself in the presence of others it already affects them in some way. That doesn’t mean people should stop being themselves. It just means it is not a good thing to act as if there is only your ass, your “me, myself and I” in this world and nothing else exists.

Let’s look at Griffith. Yes, he is an asshole. Yes, he does awful stuff. BUT, he does it absolutely aware of the weight of his actions. When he chooses to sacrifice his comrades, he is aware of the burden of this action, which is what makes it so significant for the Godhand in the first place. This is a conscious decision, where he’s deciding he cares about his dream at the expense of lives of many other people. He just cares about his dream more. This is a bad thing to do, but it’s deliberate. 

Now imagine that he would do all that and be very surprised if someone told him that people were hurt over this decision. Imagine he would say “but why are they even hurt? I only did something to defend myself, why is anyone else even affected?”.

Ridiculous, right? Yet this is what people do. This is what Guts did when he left the band of the hawk. This action basically destroyed everything that Griffith worked for and lead to his destruction. It started the domino effect, the chain of negative events. 

His intentions weren’t bad in the first place. He was just unable to see outside his own self to imagine how this will implicate others, how his action, done for himself in theory, will also influence everyone else. Guts isn’t a bad person. But it’s not exactly as if he said “hey, I am leaving and I don’t care about your asses anymore, I have stuff to do, see you later”. What happens next proves that Guts cares. Cares about Griffith, Casca, the band of the hawk. He is just terribly unconscious because it’s not like he gained something from leaving the band at this moment. Did he prove something? Only in this most basic childlike way “this is me and I have my opinion too, and I am not gonna do what you tell me because I have the free will to do my own thing and I obey no one”. I can see a good side to this - this particular trait is what makes Guts a survivor, at least in his case. Still, he is a survivor who is limited in his spiritual growth and essentially primitive and childlike. I still dislike it. 

In one way or another, Griffith still got what he wanted. But this is not what this post is about. It’s about this absolute blindness that I can’t comprehend - blindness to the fact that other people exist in the first place. You may not give a shit about them, but it is some supreme form of denial to act as if what you do affects only you and nobody else because this is simply not how the world works. Imagine there is one box of chocolates for everyone in the house. Now, you may not give a damn about any other person eating from this box, but no matter how you feel, if you eat the whole box of chocolates, other people will feel the implications of your action. Even if you ate these chocolates just to please yourself in the first place. And what I am speaking about is the difference between eating these chocolates while being conscious that you simultaneously take them away from everyone else and absolutely not care if you hurt them or not (that’s the metaphor for “evil” lol) and this particular annoying behavior - eating all of them and being surprised other people noticed, saying some shit like “I did this for myself only, this is my business, why do you all care/feel something about this?”. Well, that’s because, no matter what your intentions were, at this point everyone else has no chocolates left. 

I can be antisocial and alienated at times, but even this doesn’t mean that you have to behave in this particular way (I don’t have a name for this and it annoys me orz). You can be evil, and not do this. Sebastian in Kuro is a demon. Like, legit, a demon. He doesn’t act like this. I can’t recall any demonic/evil being in fiction who would act like this. Evil people annoy me less. People who consciously step on others and are aware of what they’re doing annoy me less. Evil people usually plan/scheme and so they have to acknowledge other people’s presence for their plans to succeed in any way. What I am describing isn’t necessarily “evil”. But I still believe it brings suffering in this world. Most suffering comes not from bad intentions, but unconsciousness and lack of communication. 

Let’s get to my other example - Sasuke. I have watched little Naruto and I know this series is massive and his character most probably evolves. I know everyone in Naruto has a shitty backstory, Sasuke in particular, that he suffers a lot and is not really a bad person. I know he has this kind of discipline and seriousness, which looks especially good next to impulsive Naruto and makes him skillful and admirable in a way. I would probably discover more of his qualities in time. But this...ughh...this thing that just makes me wanna murder him...won’t go away. His behavior towards Sakura or idk, just generally everyone. Sakura annoys the shit out of me, at least at this point. She is the cliche teenage female chara who obsesses over Sasuke and doesn’t even try to have a decent conversation with him, acts as if she has no life and only hormones drive her (I have been told she grows up later, I hope so, dear lord). I legit dislike her and tbh I am in no way amazed Sasuke doesn’t like her back, the way she behaves, who would, and I don’t like this pairing at all. Also, naturally, no one is obliged to like anyone and when he says he has no reason to like her and they have no actual bond/there weren’t any deep convos, he is right. But even given all these factors, the way Sasuke acts still annoys me more. He so often acts as if other humans around him didn’t even exist. He only sometimes notices Naruto (which is what makes people ship them, in the context it already looks kind of gay and I barely started this anime, I am not even really into this pairing either but it’s still gay) and he seems to...kind of activate with his presence regularly. Ofc this is not a 100% pattern, Sasuke is polite and doesn’t always do this but it is like he sucks the life out of his environment because he doesn’t exchange energy with people how others usually do, he is energetically wrapped up in himself. He offers people his presence but not his company, while others offer company automatically because this is how most people naturally work. I would say this is about being guarded and guarding his feelings, but this is not even it, since you can be cautious and not do this. You can be secretive and not do this either. I feel like I’m still failing on naming this behavior well and I just hope my description will be enough for people to understand. 

The whole thing just gives me this feeling where I automatically see a scenario happening: first, you see this kind of person and you think they are obviously not well, you think they are valuable inside but just troubled so you just try to relieve their pain and support them and appreciate them for who they are. But then, the way they work is that they suck you dry, end up only being more conceited and less aware of their surroundings, looking even more at only themselves because what you gave them charges them subconsciously and no matter how hard you try (like I know Naruto pursued Sasuke later on, I have no idea how it ended though lol) it is still only them and their own selves and this lack of consciousness about the world. It is like the only way to survive around this is to be an asshole yourself - give them a taste of their own medicine, completely ignore their being and think “well if you are so absorbed with yourself only and don’t wanna acknowledge that there is a world existing, good luck spending your whole life alone with no deeper connections to people and no real friends whatsoever, ciao”. The problem is, people get attached. Even if the relationship is superficial, the time you spend together and the experiences you had together take a toll on you, you remember what you lived through in the presence of the other person. Only...this kind of person, they barely even acknowledge your presence in the first place. Because to them there is only themselves, has always been and your presence is also an extension of themselves, their own inner mental struggle. 

A nice quote here “I hate who steals my solitude without, in exchange, offering me true company.” (Nietzsche <3). And wow, this has been long but boy am I glad to finally have this in writing. I may reread this and edit or something later but for now nothing more comes to my mind and whoever was supposed to understand how I feel has already understood at this point I believe.

[hhopp]

Hhopp’s Destiel Angst-a-Thon

Alrightyyy gonna need everyone’s help with this one.

I’ve been stuck in a writing rut. I’m trying to get back into it and I really wanna write some destiel. So I’ve got a huge list of angst prompts (idk why but I love writing angst and whump), but I need motivation. Please, if you have any interest at all, send me a number. If you have any additional details/requests, please send off anon so I can message you to clarify.

“Can you please come and get me?” (hs/college au)

“I’m at the hospital”

“Hey, don’t do that, you’ll hurt yourself”

“How long has it been since you’ve slept?”

“You’re burning up”

“No, don’t cry, I hate it when you cry” (Dean saying)

“Because I care about you!”

“You look sad” (Probably a kid!fic or some lack of maturity type of deal for this one, w/ Cas saying)

“Please, don’t leave me alone”

“Oh god, you’re bleeding”

“Hey, just look at me. Breathe.”

“Hold my hand. You’re going to be fine”

“You need to eat something”

“Stop telling me you’re okay” (Dean saying)

“Don’t touch me!” (Dean saying)

You’re severely depressed and I’m too scared to leave you alone (Cas’ POV.  At this point they wouldn’t be dating but that would happen by the end, they’re friends and/or roommates when this bit happens)

One day, {A} comes home with bloody knuckles and beat up face and is shaking, {B} tries to ask what happened and what’s wrong but {A} just locks themselves in their room. Imagine {B} banging on the door and yelling for {A} to let them in and {B} being so worried but {A} won’t let them in. Imagine {B} just sitting outside of the bedroom door all night and {A} is sitting on the other side of the door

“You’re okay. Breathe. Just breathe. Open your eyes. Come back. It’s okay. It’s over now. You’re okay. Wake up. Please wake up. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to me. Don’t do this to me. I love you so much. Come back.”

{A} gets kidnapped by some people, and {B} has to find them somehow. He finds {A} alive but he’s horribly injured mentally and psychologically. {B} is hurt seeing {A} in such a state; flinching away from people, jumping at sudden noises or movement, afraid of being alone. (Dean is probably A but if you make me a strong enough case we can switch it)

{A} is under their desk, with a bottle of alcohol, crying their eyes out when {B} finds them and pulls them into a hug. {A} soaks {B}’s shirt with their tears. (Dean is A)

“It’ll be warmer if we cuddle together….” (post-hypothermia-- this would be the gist of what is said but I can’t really see either of them saying the word “cuddle”)

“Are you telling me our years of struggle meant nothing?” (apocalypse AU, not within canon)

“Music is my getaway” (Selective mutism on Dean’s part)

“I don’t understand how you haven’t left me yet” (Dean saying)

“How can’t you see I’m fading?” (Cas saying)

“You promise?”

“Please, let me go”

“Don’t look at me, I’m disgusting” (mpreg. Either Cas is pregnant and Dean doesn’t know it yet, or Dean is 5 months or further and is hormonal. No a/b/o)

{A} suffers with depression, and {B} has been supporting them through it as much as they can. Since {A} doesn’t like the word depression, {A} and {B} have always referred to their depressing thoughts as “the monsters”. For a period of time, {A} becomes really happy, which makes {B} happy. However, one day, when {B} comes home, {A} wraps their arms around {B} and starts crying. When {B} asks what’s wrong, {A} whispers, “The monsters came back.” (Again: Dean is probably A but if you make a strong enough case, we can switch it)

{A} helping {B} through a panic attack via Skype

“Is there any reason as to why you’re getting drunk in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon?” (Cas saying)

“I just don’t want to think for a while.”

“Say it again.”

“Don’t lie to me.”

“I didn’t mean it like that, and you know it!” (Dean saying)

“Is that— blood?” (Dean saying)

“Does that feel good?” (Cas saying)

“You deserve better.” (Dean saying)

“Is that all you’ve got?” (They’re physically fighting each other for whatever reason, the one saying this is bloody and bruised and probably has a few broken bones, is lying on the ground and clearly losing but he’s mad at himself and think they deserve this so he’s trying to rile up the other into hitting him again. Early stages of the relationship.)

“Why do you even care?”

“I’m not going to break.”

“You don’t scare me.” (Dean saying, see #39. Probably a similar type of deal but if you’ve got a completely different idea tell me)

“It’s okay, I’m here.” (A hospital is probably involved. And I think I want Cas to be saying it, visiting Dean)

One finds the other about to commit suicide and stops them (strangers/acquaintances/friends at this point)

“Who gave you that black eye?” (Idc who says, but it’s a young-ish AU with no monsters. Could have been a homophobe, could’ve been someone else)

“You haven’t even touched your food. What’s going on?” (Cas saying)

“I’m pregnant.” (Dean saying, no a/b/o)

“I’m your husband. It’s my job.” 

“I won’t let you get hurt.”

“You’re strong, baby. You have to be.”

“I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

“Me and the boys will handle it.”

“Come on, baby, up to bed.” (Dean saying, Cas is miserable either emotionally or physically after taking a very bad beating. Could be canon, could be AU. Established relationship, but you can choose how long it’s been going on)

“Trust me.”

“Did they hurt you?”

“I don’t need a hero, I need a husband.” (They are already married at this point)

“Don’t shut me out.”

“You can’t just hug me and think everything’s okay.”

“Is he coming home?” (Sam would probably be saying this)

“Quit moving, I’m trying to sleep. Wait…are you…what?!” (Must be interpreted as angst)

“Use your words.” (Maybe Cas trying to coax Dean out of selective mutism. Could be futile, could be not. But full maturity and mental capability to speak. So no kidfics or anything like that)

“I just need ten minutes.” (Dean saying)

“I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings.”

“It wasn’t supposed to be this way.”

“The blood’s just from a nosebleed; don’t worry about it.” (They had a fight, speaker stormed out. Came back several hours later with a bruised, bloody face. Still mad at the other, storms off but other follows him and tries to patch him up. Story comes out and they make up. AU, canon?)

“I’m just as screwed up as you are.” (Dean saying, probably a no monsters AU)

“This is bad, right?” (Cas, high on pain meds after a really bad accident/fight, breaking Dean’s heart because he looks so damaged and broken in this hospital bed but he has this dorky little smile on his face and he’s smiling like a little kid who doesn’t understand why the grownups seem so upset)

“Sometimes I feel like I’m tearing myself apart and I can’t stop.” (Dean saying)

“I just want a hug.”

“I don’t understand why you feel like you have to keep this kind of thing from me.” (Cas saying)

 “Hey I heard yelling and crying coming from your apartment and I just wanted to make sure everything was okay” AU (Everything is not okay)

“Tell me what happened. Tell me why everything happened. It’ll be okay, I promise you, it’ll all be okay, but I need you to tell me.” (Dean saying)

“Don’t look at me like that.”

“I can’t do this without you.”

“Don’t let go of my hand through this, please.”

“You need to help me, I can’t do this alone.”

“You’re worth any fight.” (No magic AU)

“I’m crying on the floor and nothing’s right, but I know you can make this better.” (probably a prayer)

“I can’t depend on anyone else, just you.”

“Thank you for always being here for me.”

“You could call be at any time and I’d drop anything if you needed me.” (Dean saying, no magic AU)

“I’ll still be here when you get back.” (Cas saying, no magic AU)

“Can you give me a ride?” (Cas saying, no magic AU)

“Come here, let me give you a hug.” (Gist of what is being said, not the exact words)

“You ran to get here this quickly?!” (Dean saying, something is wrong and he called Cas who lives somewhere else. Most likely a highschool AU, Cas as a pastor’s son and they’re dating under the radar. Dean’s at home, Cas ran either from church or from his house a few neighborhoods away)

“I need you.”

“I don’t like lightning.” (PTSD, Dean saying. Trauma is up to you, so long as it isn’t war. I can’t write soldier stuff.)

“Don’t get up, i’ll do it.”

"I just want to go home" (“Home doesn’t exist anymore!”) (no monsters apocalypse AU)

"I'm not good enough for you.” (Dean saying)

"Wake up... please wake up..."

"Keep breathing, you'll be fine."

"Oh, you're awake! You've been out for so long!”

"Don't try to move. Just get some rest, okay?”

"Shh... take it easy, there's no rush. You were passed out for a long time, hon."

“I can't hold on... fading away.." (this is the gist of what is being said)

"What happened? Where is this-!"

"Gah! S-stay away from m-me! I don't know who you are!” (amnesia)

"Help me up… please help me up…" (“No, you need to stay… stay right where you are. Don’t move, that’ll make it worse. N-no, don’t! Don’t move!”)

Other things: 

I don’t write smut.

3k word limit, but it has to be really good for me to go that far. 500-1k is more likely, or a drabble.

I’m open to writing deaths

Outside of that, though, I’m pretty sure these’ll have happy endings.

I haven’t seen s12 yet so if we’re doing canonverse it’ll all be s11 or before

Feel free to request multiple. In fact, spam my inbox with requests. Seriously, you’ll be making my day.

If I really can’t write something, I’ll let you know and you can choose another prompt if you’d like

You should tell me if you want canonverse because my automatic writing mode is AU

I like reading a/b/o but not writing it.

I. DON’T. WRITE. SMUT.

Genderbend is fine, but specify

You gotta tell me if you have any triggers I shouldn’t use. I’ll tag just in case either way, but put that in your request.

I’ll write pregnancy, but no parenting

I really like hs/college aus

I might do tropes without request but it’s rare, so if you want one, suggest it.

We aren’t doing anything remotely “Twist and Shout”-y.

They’re two really broken characters, so there’s no way for their relationship to be perfect. But this will be as healthy a relationship as can be with them

Minimal, low-level profanity. I don’t think that’s an acute problem to anyone but I don’t do the whole swearing thing.

I’m not an expert on a lot of things so I won’t be able to write things like legalese or mechanic speak

No previous/implied wincest.

Monogamous if they’re established (By this I mean that it’s fine for Dean to be sleeping around, just not if he and Cas are already an item)

I’m terrible at making puns so that’s probably out. Drunk banter might be in but we’ll have to see. Tell me if you don’t want sarcasm spewing constantly from Dean’s cakehole because otherwise it will

Characters who I probably won’t use

Kevin

John

Crowley

Ruby

Lisa & Ben

Zachariah (unless he’s unseen, like the beater for 17 or 45)

Samuel

Lucifer

Anna

Gadreel

Hannah

Metatron

Michael

Uriel (unless he’s unseen, like the beater for 17 or 45)

Abaddon

Azazel

Alastair

Garth

Becky

Rowena

Henriksen

Amara

Death

Characters who are definitely within the realm of possibility for appearances/involvement:

Sam

Mary

Charlie

Jo (Yes, I’ll ship Charlie and Jo)

Meg

Bobby

Ellen (Bobby/Ellen is fine)

Naomi

Chuck

Bela (Bela/Meg is not impossible)

Samandriel

Tessa

Jimmy

Claire

Cain (I love him tbh)

Donna

Jody (I’ll ship Donna and Jody)

Rufus

Ash

Emma (Dean’s Amazon daughter)

The Ghostfacers (probably in an AU, though)

Pamela

Benny (love him, too) (he and dean will not and will never have dated)

Jess

I don’t think you understand how much I love mpreg

I like roommate AUs (college dorms, broke students sharing an apartment, strangers who share, Sam introduced them because they were looking for someone to split the rent with, they grew up together and are the best of friends and decided to move in together-- really, anything’s fair game)

I’m pretty sure that’s everything but I’ll update if anything else comes to mind

[adawneveryday]

In The Fog

[Another short story I wrote yesterday - I can see a series in this or something larger coming from it - It takes place inside the mind of one of the imaginations of an imagined couple - you know how people have conversations in their head or imagine alternative outcomes - what if we could watch their thoughts and what if their thoughts were out of sync completely with our perception of them or with what really was their reality.]

The fog rolled in like any other: thick, dense, languid, like it wasn’t inclined to leave. The sun was just the glow of a cigarette. The sky was smokey plumes (*I refuse to spell it smoky - idc). The airport was a lot of canceled flights and its irritated cargo.

No more irritated were Paul and Marie. 

Paul and Marie were a marriage that did best on the move, preferably in seperate directions. But during the holidays they made a show of being together, decades of togetherness. Ask anyone, they were a solid couple occupying the same pew for eons. Their children based their marital aspirations on their mother and father, mostly their mother because father worked so much.  Mother and father made it look so easy. They were a delight at the dinner table. They never showed a short fuse or made scene at a company party. They were a partnership. They were incorporated. They even went out for their anniversaries and birthdays. No one needed to know it was show and chaperoning. They were chaperoning their marriage.  

But they were a couple who only did well on a stage and for only a few hours at a time. 

They had developed coupling techniques and coping hobbies. 

In public, they appeared polite people, so that no one would know absence of public displays of affection were normal. They didn’t burden others with their emotions. He always opened her door in public. He drove the car around to the door if it was raining and they were caught in the rain. She always said thank you when he did these things, even if she never met eye contact anymore. He always let her order first. She always ordered only one glass of moderately priced wine. He never drank anything but water with lemon when they were together in public.  Her drink ensured she wouldn’t find him irritating. His lack of drink ensured he wouldn’t say anything about her irritating habits, like her nail checking, and ever shortening hair cuts, and larger costume jewelry. Her large expensive handbags were ridiculous. Caricature of a woman. And him, with his pot belly and supposed gym trainer. He had gone soft years ago. As soon as she had started to lose her battle with gravity. And why he had chosen to buy a new golf cart just to go look at his boat at the marina was crazy. His golf carts were the equivalent of her handbags. He just didn’t know it. They knew they judged each other. The lack of looking said it all. And they had more coping techniques.

He enjoyed a good, long smoke with a very good cigar and glass of bourbon.

She had allergies and enjoyed instead long shopping trips in nearby cities when not taking off for a beach vacation or other get-away with girlfriends. She limited herself to two glasses of wine on a shopping trip, but she never kept track of the margaritas. 

When they traveled together, which was regularly (a great gap of not being seen together is a no-no in their set), it was to see relatives and their children and their grandchildren. Or appear at his company parties. Or their clubs fundraisers.

Sometimes they came on separate flights.

Sometimes they traveled together.

Had they been cell mates, one may have shivved the other, if another option hadn’t presented itself, like an early heart attack. 

Marie sometimes admitted, like most woman, that Paul drove her crazy or she could just kill him, but it was the exasperation of a typical wife. And soon they were as peaceful as apple pie. He never said he’d kill her. Men are advised never to do that, and it is too obvious to say why.

Their marriage was a death do us part kind of affair. A family mausoleum of fidelities. 

And they had found ample ways to cope.

Like her confiding in girlfriends who were just out of their standard circle of friends so she could excommunicate them easily and not worry about not being invited to cookouts. She never kept a hairdresser longer than a couple of years. And she always selected ones on their way out, with dreams of becoming something more. The ones that talked more about themselves and barely listened. The ones with the occasion track on their arm or sinking look in their face. Those were her favorite. They would disappear forever quickly from the salons and spas. 

Paul the same. Except his was the male version of caddies and bartenders and boat repairmen. They never listened or asked questions. It mattered little who they were or how long they stayed. He couldn’t even tell you if any were married. God forbid he be asked to give a detailed descriptions. He asked enough questions to make them feel he was a nice guy, but cared very little about their answers. And this suited them. 

But the fog was encircling them now, and the VIP lounge was deserted enough that they had to face each other if only temporarily.

“We should get a hotel,” she said.

“I have enough of those,” he said.

“A room. Or two.”

“The airport hotel is a dump. I’m not staying there. The fog will be lifting.”

Marie scrolled her weather app.

“No, it isn’t lifting anytime soon. We’re stuck here. And I’d rather do it lying down.”

“With your feet up. Of course. I’ll get you a room.”

“I’ll get it myself. You can stay here.”

“Stay,” Paul said.

Marie stopped and looked at him for the first time. 

“Why?”

He pursed his lips. 

“The fog is going to lift and we’ll be able to go. Too much trouble to get a room. They’re booked up, anyway.”

The anxiety on his face was strange. It was like a halloween mask, the kind with the elastic band around the back, the kind that got sweaty.

“Are you feeling alright?”

“No.”

Their marriage closed in around them. Paul was thinking about it even before the fog rolled in.

“We aren’t going to live forever, and I don’t want to live unhappily.”

“The fog will lift,” Marie said. “This is only temporary.”

Paul saw his life

beginning to end. 

“We’re doing it wrong,” he said.

“We’re fine, Paul. Everyone is doing it. You have your bourbon. I have my credit cards. The fog will lift and we’ll see our grandchildren.”

“And you will be overly affection to our son-in-law who irritates me and take our daughter for a manicure, and I’ll buy our daughter a SUV and spoil our grandson by sending him to camp. We’ve learned to cope, but coping is not enough, is it?”

“You mean we only have one life? And we should live it to the fullest? I don’t want to hear that. We have eternal life after it all.”

“Really? Because of how well we have behaved? Or because you think we will be forgiven because we confess?”

“Of course. This isn’t all there is. Couldn’t be. What a waste if it were.”

“What a waste if it isn’t. What if we end up together forever? Is that really what you want? For all eternity?”

“Like we won’t have freedom to do what we like? We are not angels. We do as we please. So, Paul, enough. The fog will lift. Go to the bar. I’m getting a room. I’ll see you when the fog lifts and they have our flight ready.”

“Marie. Marie,” Paul said from the window while looking out at the fog.

Marie came out of her daydream of words and emotions and drama.

“Hmmm?”

“Let’s get a room. The fog isn’t going to lift soon. Maybe we should just go home.” Paul hadn’t spoken since they had entered the VIP lounge.

“I don’t want to chance a drive in this fog. I’d rather stay in the hotel. I’d hate for us to get in an accident. The roads have too many bends. Our flight will just take off late today or tonight.”

“Alright,” Paul said thinking how much he enjoyed the sound of a few ice cubes in an old fashion glass before pouring is favorit amber colored drink over them. It was the simple things. His life had order and purpose and quiet. Marie was the perfect partner. He was so blessed he sometimes felt guilty not reflecting on it.

“Well, lets go.”

“Alright.”