#but idk it's kinda hurtful that the assumption is that I don't know what I'm doing and need help

[autisticjonathanjoestar]

sorry for venting on main again but I'm actually so tired of being infantalized 👍 especially by other autistic people. like that's truly the heartbreaking part. I truly do not love asking someone's opinion on something expecting a peer to peer discussion & when they answer me they start giving me advice and/or offering to mentor me. like ok I see. you do not see me as capable. okay 👍 awesome

[royalberryriku]

// personal, uuuh kind of a vent but idk? Maybe more of just a general ask to the void of whoever happens to read it; How Does Friendship-ing Work? And the whole Is This Normal Or Just A Me Thing with this social thing that could be normal or may be not normal.

I know it's relatively normal for people to just grow apart or for friendships to break away based on one drama or another, but I've noticed recently that it's just... Really common for people I've met to eventually have some issue either someone else and for groups I'm in to break apart really easily, even like regardless of me being there or not I mean. It's happened quite a lot and I wonder if it's just me, "people these days" as in just how friends are in modern society with internet and all the expectations from it, or if it's actually normal?

Does anyone else have experience with that? As in, a reoccurring thing where people in friend groups you are in have some sort of drama between a few people which leads to everyone never talking again or falling out regardless of whether or not you're involved or even knew of said drama?

For example, I had this group of friends I talked to a lot online (we were a part of a larger group) and we ended up becoming really close but eventually people in that group had their own issues with each other and everyone stopped socialising because things got awkward for those who weren't involved. Like, this exact this I've found is weirdly common for me, a lot of friend groups I've been in have had this happen to some degree and idk how to approach it? It probably doesn't help that I'm really bad at social stuff and knowing when I'm oversharing or being too quiet or saying stuff that's socially inappropriate (like saying or asking stuff that is insensitive but you don't realise until after you've said it that it was pushy or too much), or understanding when people want you to shut up or when they want you to step in or anything in between. Basically, I'm just lost on all this and still trying to understand if this is A Normal Social Thing That Happens to Groups of People A Bunch, or if it's a unique issue or... Idk.

Basically! I don't really know how to address this happening yet again or who in said friend group I should even speak to if at all? Like do you just leave it and wait for people to short out their own stuff, or would that be considered you being a bad and neglectful friend?? Would involving yourself make you nosy? Or would it be seen as you being caring? Would backing off being the better option? Would talking to certain people make others thing you're betraying them and picking sides??? I literally can never tell what thing is the Right Social Thing™ to do so I just kinda either sit there and wait, trying not to make anything worse, or ask around and see if at least showing that I genuinely mean well and care helps at all (sometimes it helps, sometimes it doesn't and makes stuff worse, but so does the former sometimes). Also. I do have this thing where I speak without thinking and make things worse before I get to that part which probably makes this even harder because people probably are already feeling horrible from whatever stuff happened between them and when you know nothing at all, you don't know how tf to act. Or what to say or do or anything at all really.

For now, I'm gonna keep writing my stories, reading my books and doing my best but damn. Is there some sort of?? idk?? A way to avoid this stuff or is it normal or what?? Again, idk.

[bellflower-goat]

<:]

[faithshouseofchaos]

idk if u already wrote something similar BUT hear me out, for the lestappen x reader could you write something about how the world found out about it? I think it would be hella interesting if during a gp weekend Charles is too needy and can’t wait until they are to the hotel so he kinda like kisses and make out with reader thinking they’re good hidden but someone spots them, takes and posts the pictures?

And then just them having to explain no one is cheating on anyone

Secrets out— Lestappen x reader

Tagged- @ashy-kit @astraeaworld @67-angelofthelordme-67 @amatswimming @alwayzbeenale @a-casual-romantic @bblouifford @badassturtle13 @bbtoni @barcelonaloverf1life @charlesf1leclerc @crashingwavesofeuphoria @clowngirlsstuff @dark-night-sky-99 @dudenhaaa27 @eugene-emt-roe @embrosegraves @faithsotherhouseofchaos @f1ln4dr3cl16mv33 @formulas-bitch @hangmandruigandmav @hollie911 @hrts4scarr @ironcowboycopnickel @jeffs77 @lightdragonrayne @lollypop90907 @laura-naruto-fan1998 @moss-on-tmblr @natailiatulls07 @norrisleclercf1 @oconswrld @omgsuperstarg @otako5811 @purplephantomwolf @scotlynaurora @toasttt11 @uluvjay @vellicora @venusisnothere @vivwritesfics

You Max and Charles were all in a secret relationship but only you and Max were publicly dating each other. You and Max would love to be able to go out publicly with Charles but it’s not possible. So the three of you would have to settle for the secret meetings and the security of the hotel room.

“Max I need to go” you giggled prying yourself out of Max's hold.

“Go where?” He asked

“To see Charles he hasn’t stopped texting me” you tell him.

“He’s so Spoiled and needy” Max grumbles letting you go.

“I wonder why he’s so spoiled and needy” you retorted “but seriously I got to go see him before he loses it” you said giving Max one last kiss.

“Tell him I said to behave” max said as you left his drivers room to meet with Charles.

When you saw Charles he gave you one of his infamous shy smiles. He pulled you in for a hug and you squeezed him tightly as you pulled away.

“Hi Charles” you smiled kissing him on his forehead

“Max hopes you’ve been behaving” you said joking

“I always behave” he mumbled

“Max seems to think differently” you said “he also said that you’re spoiled and needy” you added as Charles backed you up to the wall.

Charles grinned slightly pushing you gently against the wall but being careful not to push you too far as he didn't want to hurt you. He chuckled slightly at the comment about being spoiled and kissed the side of your neck.

"I can't help it if both him and you spoil me"

"Besides" Charles said pulling you closer to him "aren't you just a tiny bit spoiled too?"

“I'm spoiled , I think you have the wrong girl,” you say.

His eyes narrowed in amusement as he looked at you. Then he smiled. "Oh you're definitely the correct girl... and you are definitely spoiled. Don't deny it."

"You love the attention and the affection you get from both me and Max" he said placing his hands on your waist

"Let's both be honest about that"

His words made your cheeks blush slightly and you looked down shyly from his gaze. Your silence told Charles that the statement was true as he chuckled softly at your reaction.

"I know I'm being a bit teasing but it's true" he whispered into your ear.

“I can’t deny it at all” you grinned “Max is so attentive and makes me feel loved and I do like the attention and affection from you as well it makes me feel special and safe” you confessed your cheeks still red from embarrassment at the teasing.

Charles smirked seeing that you agreed he was correct in his assumptions about you “You like the attention you get from us both don’t you?” He said softly, his breath tickling your ear.

“Can you blame I’m dating two of the hottest f1 drivers anyone would the attention from the both of you” you admitted

“So you are also needy and spoiled and what did you mean by telling me to behave?" He asked as he moved his hand to the back of your head and pulled you into a passionate kiss.

You wrapped your arms around his neck pulling him closer to you. His lips were soft and tender and the kiss felt like it would never end. You let your mind wander for a moment, enjoying the moment and the feeling of Charles's body pressed against yours.

“Max wanted to make sure you didn’t start texting or calling me with demands or to pout that we hadn’t given you attention” you tell Charles knowing that he knows all too well how Charles has acted when he feels he doesn’t have his fair share of attention.

“But clearly Max was right in his assumption” you say as Charles pulls you fully into his embrace to kiss you. You kiss back eagerly but pull away “we have to keep our distance in public, you don’t want me to start acting inappropriate here in the alley do you?”

The kiss slowly ended with Charles pulling away from you. His breath heaved slightly and you could see how much he enjoyed the kiss too. His eyes were fixated on your lips as he looked at you.

“I think it’s your turn to behave now” he whispered as he leaned in to kiss you gently on your forehead. The soft kiss made you blush and you felt like you had just melted into Charles's arms.

“I could kiss you all day” Charles sighed placing another tender kiss on your forehead

“But I have to go” he added pulling away from you

“I’ll text later”

You nodded as you watched Charles leave. His words made your mind race as it reminded of how much you wanted to continue your relationship with Charles. All of the texts, the late night meets, and the kisses made up for the fact that you couldn’t be publicly together like you could be with Max.

Going public with Charles was one of the many things that you and the boys talked about. In reality it was an untenable dream. You and Max already get so much hate Max’s hate comes from constantly whining and albeit drive to survive didn’t help the situation. Your hate started when you publicly started dating Max. People called you a gold digging whore and the hate would only get worse if fans found out about your secret relationship with Charles so your and Max's relationship with him would have to stay secret for now.

what you and Charles failed to notice during your intimate moment in the alley and someone took pictures and said pictures would be spreaded all over the internet now.

A couple hours later the boys along with a few other fellow drivers were attending a drivers press briefing.

“And if for Max, who I would like to apologize to real quick, how do you feel about the cheating scandal that your Girlfriend is a part of?” An interviewer asked

“What cheating scandal?” Max asked, confused, glancing at Charles.

“Well not too long ago there were pictures leaked of Charles Leclerc and Y/n l/n having a pretty intimate moment” the same interviewer replied.

Max and Charles shared a look that said fuck it let the world know.

“It isn’t cheating if we’re all dating” Max says with a shrug.

“So what you’re saying is that all three of you are in a relationship?” Another one asked.

“Yes that is correct” Max said

“Why may I ask you to keep this relationship a secret and how long has it been going on for?”

“We’ve been together for a year now and we kept it a secret because fans are known to be quite viscous to drives girlfriends” Max says

“Well Max and Charles I wish you the very best”

“Thank you”

Later that night you were laying in bed In between the boys talking about today.

“So the world of F1 knows now?” You asked

“Yes the world of Formula One knows” max said

“And thank god for that because now I get to have my good luck charm in the garage” Charles says holding onto you.

“No she’s my good luck charm” Max says, flicking Charles on the forehead.

“Ow what was that for?” Charles whined

“For conspiracy of stealing MY good luck charm”

“Oh come on max you had her for all of the 2023 season and won it’s my turn” Charles said

“Nope still mine”

“Boys behave” you say

“Tell max to share”

“No Charles I don’t know want to share”

“If you two don’t don’t stop arguing now I’ll be in Papaya orange for the rest of the season” you say

“I can share” Max says

“Me too”

[imaginespazzi]

i wanna get on the pazzi train so bad but paige moves so weird that i want better for azzi. flirting with someone on live, entertaining tiktoks of people thirsting over you, idk it's just mad weird and it makes me think there's no way they're together and if they are then azzi's putting up with a lot of shit and i don't like that.

Stay off the train 🙏🏾😑

You know I was gonna ignore all this Jada-Paige commotion (beyond how it related to my Kazzi agenda) because I found the whole thing kinda funny (Jada's hella real for her reaction to Paige) and I'm not in the mood to get into discourse these days but then I got like three asks similar to this and so now, I needa rant because y'all piss me off

Genuinely, genuinely do y'all like either of these girls? Because this narrative is so ridiculous and disrespectful to both of them.

Paige, is literally a sweetheart. Like that girl is a golden retriever of a human being and values trust and loyalty so much. Y'all she would not hurt a fly, let alone Azzi of all people. How is her joining someone's live or liking a couple of tiktoks equal to her "moving weird?" And quite frankly if "do you guys have a shake shack in Iowa" and endless basketball schedule talk is what y'all consider flirting, then bestie I'm so sorry but I don't think you've ever had someone flirt with you before. Paige has never given anyone any reason to think that she'd ever step out on anyone and it's so unfair that people make their own assumptions based off of the literal most mundane things.

And then we get to Azzi. In what world does Azzi fucking Fudd, strong independent gorgeous successful queen, give you the impression that she'd put up with that kind of disrespect if it existed? She might be horrendously down bad enough for that girl that she'd begrudgingly take 3562 photos of her, but stay with her if she was cheating/"moving weird"? Absolutely not. She does not need your protecting or your so-called sympathy, because a) Paige isn't doing anything wrong and b) Azzi is not a fucking doormat who's "putting up with a lot shit".

I'm not going to get into it but there is implicit racism in this narrative. It happens with a lot of ir/fictional interracial couples where people think the white person in the relationship must be cheating or whatever because they can't possibly just be happy with their bipoc partner and that said partner will just put up with it because they don't know their worth.

If you don't think Pazzi are real, that's perfectly fine. I've never been one to say you have to believe in them but please, for the love of god, just use the most obvious reason which is that neither of them have outwardly confirmed a relationship. Please stop villainizing Paige and please stop infantilizing Azzi.

[rou-luxe]

please elaborate on the grandpa clavis bc I don't know much about Alfons, so idk what to think about that 😭

hEHehEhhAaAaHAHA LET'S GO I HAVE PERMISSION TO GET THE IDEA OUT OF MY HEAD (cracks knuckles) I love them both

analysis under the cut spoilers for Clavis, light spoilers for Alfons

I kinda quit Alfons route early to go to the English server release because my brain is too lazy to translate everything 😭 so this is just from what I know about him. this is doomed to be inaccurate 💀

warning this gets off topic in some places because my analysis ideas carried me a bit too far because I love them

The central point is that they both use pleasurable experiences to ignore reality. Alfons focuses a LOT on the pleasure part of that, as seen from erm his lack of sleep and mentions it plenty in voicelines. Alfons also applies this philosophy to people other than himself. Alfons sometimes protects MC from uncomfortable realities, like the scene where he and Ellis kill someone, and uses his power to convince MC that it was just a play (Kate LOVES plays).

As seen from his profile, Alfons heavily resents pain of any sort. I already forgot when exactly (chapter 4 premium avatar challenge?), but at some point, MC is crying and he consoles them before you know- this is just an assumption, but I think he doesn't want any sort of emotional turmoil in those close to his heart. He keeps reassuring Elbert that he is much more beautiful than MC without hesitation. Not only is he making sure MC is safe and doesn't get in a horror-esque story (nervously looks at Elbert trailer), he's also making sure that Elbert doesn't get jealous to the point of performing taxidermy on a person... because the events leading up to that would hurt them both. This makes Alfons feel so kind and considerate ngl 😭

Clavis wants to be loved by all. The game sometimes describes him as "lonely" - this is likely because he was overshadowed by Chev as a kid, and because he felt so shaken by his mother's death that he needed attention from others to feel more complete. It also connects to his pranks. He wants to feel something, anything to pretend he's not dying inside. Whether the attention he gets is positive or negative, at least he feels something.

It's mentioned quite a lot in his path that the more pained / scared Clavis is feeling, the more he smiles. It's sort of his coping mechanism. By smiling, he can pretend everything is alright (HIS MOM 😭😭 I'M GONNA FUHGKING CRY SHE MUST'VE BEEN SO SWEET AND BEAUTIFUL AND Cybird I want to see his mom).

He also does somewhat force MC to be around him, but it's not in a Silvio way, it comes off more clingy to me. He's been left alone, abandoned so many times, that he can't bare the pain of loneliness anymore. And thus we get dragged to his breakfast parties. Another coping mechanism. Clavis gets to spend time with MC every morning, gets to cook for her (...it's the thought that counts) and terrorize a couple of his half-brothers... just to forget it all. Clavis even escapes from his prison cell just to see you, the light of his life. (I love him)

"Sylvatica" comes from the scientific name for "forget-me-not". This one is completely an assumption that seems rather unlikely, but perhaps like Clavis, Alfons wants to be remembered somehow.

I can't remember if this was legit or not because I've been scrolling through Tumblr too much but I remember seeing a post that went something like: "Alfons has MC sign (something) papers because after he dies, his curse will make him forgotten and he just wants something to prove that he loved MC" or something. (That post broke my heart so bad.) Is that why he's called a "phantom"?

In summary:

They both have their own ways of ignoring reality, and they are both up to trickery (especially when it comes to MC). Both endulge in enjoyment, it's part of their lifestyle. doesn't necessarily refer to seggs but it does sure sound like it

I'm not quite sure where Alfons' ignorance originates, but all Clavis wants is to be loved. Give him the love.

Okay onto the shorter sillier theories because my heart can't take this

Clavis' epithet is "The Pleasure-Loving Beast", and Alfons' is "The Hedonistic Thrill-Seeker".

Clavis likes tricks and teasing, and so does Alfons. Though Clavis does that MUCH more often.

They also act like they're fucking around but they actually know what they're doing.

They pretend to be worse than they are 😭 (omg shakespeare too... is that my type... 💀)

Others have made this remark before but Alfons feels like a darker Clavis + more unhinged

They both like to cook. And eat. And they both have stomachs of steel.

sword

They both have bad handwriting. Clavis is notorious for this, and Alfons says he has bad handwriting in the first letter of his path.

Fuck I forgot I had science homework due tomorrow

edit: I forgot another one they both are self-described "gentlemen" 😭😭

[thisloveislikeabattle]

for no reason whatsoever my brain immediately assumed that the halloween party would happen towards the end of episode 8, or at least in the second half

the police arriving at the party and the problem with the drugs, along with all the theories about who called the cops and if anybody's gonna be arrested, feels to me like an end-of-episode moment. classic cliffhanger, right?

and maybe that's really how things are gonna happen but maybe not, because I noticed that some scenes in the preview for next ep can only make sense if we consider them happening after the party

that's way I have a little theory based on that:

1. this specific topmew scene

we can see them in their university clothes (idk how to call them, is there a better term?), in what kinda looks like a bathroom to me but that's not really important, so maybe they meet after class? I'm focusing on this because top's sentence leads me to believe this is after we get to actually see mew's bad state at the party

2. the nick and papang interaction

we don't know yet if nick's scenes with papang are actually related to nick's plan to earn boston's forgiveness, that's what the preview makes me think but the only friends previews have always been pretty deciveing on purpose. what really matters to me anyway is the shirt nick is wearing in that second scene tho, and the assumption that it also takes place after the party

3. sand starts to take some distance from ray

after the raymew dance scene, and the talk with ray outside yolo, we can see that sand is actually starting to walk away from ray– he's finally setting some boundaries, not letting ray walk all over him. those two scenes, both taking place at night, are the only sandray scenes we are shown– sand and ray are the only ones that don't have a daytime scene in the preview

now to my final theory, after considering all the above (and in case you're wondering, yes, the previous ones were points to give my main theory context and recipes) :

that sandray scene from the series' trailer

if the halloween party happens relatively early in the episode, and if the scenes we see of the guys in university are after that, we could finally have this 0:02 seconds scene from the trailer in our hands.

it all makes sense to me: ray showing how selfish and possessive he truly is as soon as he notices sand getting away, not caring at all about how he's been hurting him all this time– and we can see that from sand's expression.

also thinking about sand being like "we cannot be friends we were never friends" / "fuck it I'm gonna kiss this guy just because he's also dressed as freddie mercury" / "i'm not one of your options ray", at which point ray could start to realize sand really means it and be like "you're not going anywhere".

now, I don't know if anyone else had the same initial thought as me or if from the start it was pretty clear to everybody that some scenes are supposed to happen post-party– that wasn't my case tho so i wanted to share it even if in the end I might be totally wrong

[leighsartworks216]

Just A Child

Darkiplier x teenage!gn!reader (PLATONIC)

Requested by 🖌 Anon:

“Bro (/gn), Would you be willing to write something about this idea? So, in the Markiplier universe- under the assumption that Actor has been Mark in each project- he kinda drags Viewer (Ima call them V) along with him, right? So, imagine if instead V was actually just a nervous teen. (Obviously the people in each universe would just be complimenting V, not flirting) So, they're sticking with Mark since they don't really have anyone else to rely on or anything. But what if they don't really like Mark, and see Dark as a more stable... well... everything. An you know how Dark seems kinda hooked on getting V "out of Mark's grasp" basically? So, what if V takes him up on that, and Dark DOES manage to get V away from Mark, and like, takes them back to the Ego mansion or smth and kinda just helps them adjust and interact with everyone and more-or-less becomes their caretaker/guardian? If not, that's fine! Either way, have a great day/night/etc. :)”

I highkey had a hard time writing this one and I'm not, like, 100% happy with it but idk maybe it's just bc I've been working on it for a while lol

Warnings: Actor is a creep in this (mostly implied), hurt/comfort-ish?

Word Count: 1563

Masterlist

  You fidgeted as you walked through the theater again. The incessant “Bonjour”s were giving you a headache at this point. And the most you’d had to eat was a sandwich. Though, it was a while ago since that happened…

“The romance?... Or the horror?”

The last time you came through here, you’d “watched” the romance. It was… something.

You pointed at the horror door.

“Good idea! I’ve actually never seen this play before. I don’t even know who made it, so…” Mark shrugged, smiling that fake, plastered-on grin as always. “Could be a fun adventure.”

“Good luck!” One of the waiters… employees… One of the men that seemed to work everywhere you went stared dead at Mark. It was the first time you saw him so serious.

Mark also seemed unsettled. “Oh, okay. Alright.” He did a little salute as he said, “Bonjour!” to the employee.

As you followed Mark to your seats (him going on a one-sided dialogue about how he was a “patron of the arts” and so on), you couldn’t help but feel… unsettled. You looked around. Nothing was out of place since the last time you came through here. And yet, a chill still ran up your spine as you sat in the front row seat, directly in front of the lone table on stage.

“You want some popcorn?” It was futile to reach for a piece, but you tried anyway, before the carton of kernels was pulled away. “OH! It’s starting!”

Was it?

When you turned back to Mark to ask him just that, you found his chair empty. The cold feeling of dread covered your shoulders like a blanket. Your gaze found itself once again fixated on the table on the stage. Creaking sounded from every corner of the room. A high pitched whine rang out, coming from within you just as much as it was coming from around you. The room began to distort. Change. Shift.

And then it was dark.

“You’re… different.”

You would have screamed, but you couldn’t feel yourself anymore. It felt like your body had been swept away, like all that was left in this void was your conscience. Instead, you stared.

The man before you looked like Mark. But he felt… wrong. Looking at him gave you a headache. His skin was pale, lacking any color at all. In fact, the only color you could see anymore were glitches of red and blue that clung to his suit and formed distorted versions of the man standing behind himself.

The man tilted his head. His neck cracked sickeningly. “So,” he mused, though his voice lacked any mirth, “he’s dragging along helpless teenagers now… How pitiful.”

Who are you? echoed around in your mind. He didn’t answer your question, if he even heard it at all.

“I know this must seem confusing, like a bad dream you can’t wake up from… But believe me when I tell you that it is all his doing.”

In a blink of an eye, you found yourself sitting at the table from the restaurant. The only difference, aside from the nothingness that surrounded you, was the man in Mark’s place. He had his fingers interlaced, hands resting on the edge of the table.

“Endless choices, all leading you back here.”

A voice whispered from the darkness. Trapped. A moment later, the man was saying the same thing.

“You’re trapped in his little game.”

Your voice came as little more than a whisper. It faded into the darkness surrounding you.

“How do you get out?” He tilted his head at you. Curious, studying. As if he didn’t expect you to ask such an odd question. “I can help you.”

In another flash, you were back outside. You weren’t sure where, but it felt less suffocating than the endlessness from before.

“Enough of the choices. Enough of this endless cycle of meaningless.” He straightened up, brushing his hair back from his face before holding out his hand. “I can get you out of here. You just need to let me i-”

-

“Oops.” The world was dark again. You didn’t look up from your chocolate ice cream. “Looks like you made the wrong choice.”

“I-I shot someone.”

Even after all of this fake Mark’s reassurances that it would be okay, your hands were still shaking. The heavy weight of the gun still sat in your palms. But every time you looked, it wasn’t there.

The man, entity, whatever he was, watched as you picked up your spoon. It trembled and shook in your grasp. He worried for a brief moment that you would drop it before it even reached the bowl.

“I’m sorry.”

You looked up. The blue and red that surrounded him seemed dimmer than earlier, softer. You couldn’t hear the ringing that pressed against your skull. He thought you looked like an infant - too young and small to be dragged into Mark’s mess.

“What I promised you still stands.” He reached his hand across once more. His hand was ice cold as it grabbed yours, stilling your tremors. “I can get you out of here.”

You should have been terrified. First Mark, with his uncomfortable flirting, as if this was all just some role that needed to be played. Then the endless loops. And now…

“Wh-What.” You cleared your throat, trying to steel the dread in your soul. “What’s your name?”

He tilted his head, brow furrowing. He seemed to ponder this for a moment.

“Do you have a name…?”

“I used to,” he admitted. A flash of… something in his eyes. “I suppose, for simplicity’s sake, you may call me Dark.”

You whispered his name with a mixture of awe and curiosity. “M-My name is-” The world fell away before your eyes.

You blinked up at the building before you. A… museum? Paintings hung on walls peeked out of the large glass windows. You could just barely see a sculpture inside. You looked down at your clothes and found you were wearing all black. A grapple gun rested on your hip.

“Hey, what’s wrong?”

Turning on a dime, you were face to face once again with Mark. His lips curled into a cheshire grin. There was too much knowing in his eyes.

“You’re not backing out now, are ya?”

-

Your phone buzzed. You pulled it from your pocket with trembling fingers.

Don’t you feel like you’re running in circles?

You didn’t recognize any of the portraits on the walls. All of them had their eyes crossed out. And it felt like they were… whispering to you. The only one that looked even remotely familiar sat at the end of the hallway. It looked like-

“Same snake, different skin.”

You wheeled around, heart racing in your chest. Dark stood there, hands behind his back, in a white suit this time. He looked just as malcontented with your presence in this “game” as he had the last time you saw him.

“Always spinning his yarns, his webs, his lies.” He sighed, tilting his head. He seemed almost like a disappointed parent, scolding you for staying out too late. “I always thought that you were trapped in his games. Perpetually plunging down the rabbit holes of his stories. Helpless. Lost.”

You looked over your shoulder at the last portrait. The paint had flaked away and fallen off, but you remember the smiling face that was there before. The disgusting, plastered-on smile that was always there. “Was that Mark?”

The entity hummed. In a flash of red and blue, he was standing in front of the painting, scowling at the gilded frame. “He is behind all of this. Pulling the strings like a puppeteer controlling a marionette.” His gaze flicked over his shoulder. You swallowed at the implication.

“Last time…” Your brow furrowed. How long ago had that been? How long ago was it that you sat at the ice cream parlor, being comforted after shooting Mark? You swallowed, and pushed back the thought. Dark’s face softened, as if he knew what had crossed your mind. “Last time you said you could get me out of here.”

He turned his body to face you. Haloed by the light above the picture, he nodded. “I can.”

Unbidden, tears welled in your eyes. “Please.” You bit your lip, fighting the shake in your voice. “Please get me out of here.”

He stepped forward, stopping a few feet in front of you. His face was somber, gentle. He seemed to look you over for a minute. Perhaps he was seeing what you’d gone through - the prison, the forest, the pirate ship, the cave. Every now and again, an image of himself would turn to the side and scream.

You swallowed hard. Would he turn you away now? He so openly gave you his hand before, offered a way out. Would he abandon you in this loop now? A warm tear fell down your cheek.

“Please.”

Cold arms wrapped around you, pulling you into a broad chest. A hand carefully cupped the back of your head. “I will get you out.” He held you as you clung to him and cried into his suit. He could only hope they were tears of joy and relief, and not for the choices you’d been forced to make. You were just a child, after all. And he would make sure Mark knew, too, when his time came.

[eff-plays]

(re: hiraeth's reaction to astarion's confession) i'm glad i'm not the only one whose character was hurt by astarion's confession, especially since i haven't seen a lot of the fandom talk about it (or maybe i've missed it, idk). i understand it's an important thing for astarion to let out and i stood by him regardless but my tav did not take the news like sunshine and rainbows. if it's okay to ask how did hiraeth handle the confession in particular? were they open about their displeasure or did they just keep it internally?

Aah, I'm sorry Nonny, I think you possibly misunderstood the post, sorry for not making it clearer!

Their reaction was more in the sense of them regretting not turning him down? Because they have a lot of trauma related to being deeply devoted to someone who ended up betraying them in a very cruel away, so they basically swore off "real" relationships. They expected Astarion to betray them eventually and this "sorry I manipulated you" is that initial betrayal, so when he says it, they're almost relieved, because they saw it coming and it feels bittersweet to have it confirmed. It's weirdly comforting to them.

They assumed Astarion was up to something from the start and that he had no real feelings for them, it was just sort of a friends (?) with benefits thing to them for the longest time. And though they did start to catch feelings early on (around the mirror scene), they're very adept at ignoring those feelings anyway, so it wasn't a huge deal to them when they found out he was trying to manipulate them. The reason they went for him over anyone else is because he's so obviously shady and selfish that they assumed they'd know what to expect from him. Cruel people are predictable, etc etc. The guy who betrayed them in the past was literally the most perfect little prince and he ended up being a huge jackass, so picking the most fucked up weirdo was basically a safeguard against being hurt. They basically chose him on the assumption it'd go to hell, and when it seems like it does initially, they're like "Phew. I thought this'd be a lot worse, actually. I kinda saw this coming tbh."

Obviously they're hurt that he did it, because they'd hoped at least the attraction and chemistry had been mutual (and it is, but they don't know that and don't bother asking), but on some level they're like "Yeah, no, makes sense." They're sorta ready to bury it and move on, because tbh they've been through worse and they've also been on the deceiving end (ha) of this type of deal.

So when he admits he has feelings for them, that's what sets them off. Because now they're in danger of being betrayed, truly betrayed again. In a way they can't predict or protect themself against. Because if they agree to becoming "more" with him, that means it'll hurt all the worse when it goes to shit. Way worse than just being manipulated through sex. Because now their heart is on the line again. So I think they were less hurt by his confession and more upset that they accepted it/reciprocated at all?

So I'm really sorry I can't commiserate, Nonny! I think the main reason nobody brings it up is because he admits his plan failed and that he has real feelings for them, so people go easier on him for it. I do think it's 100% valid and deliciously angsty if Tav does get upset at his confession, though. He fully expects them to be upset and that's what makes it brave that he confesses at all. And if your Tav had real feelings for him and their encounters up until that point meant something to them, I think them getting hurt over it is absolutely justified and could lead to a lot of interesting headcanons and interactions. Like, a lot of Tavs, mine included, suspect something is up, and that lessens the blow a lot. So when your Tav is truly in love with him, his manipulation worked on someone he grew to actually care for. He actually hurt them a lot worse than a Tav who saw it coming. That's a really interesting angle and I'm sorry nobody else is vibing with you on that :/

I defo am even though 💖 Even if it's different for Hira.

[layzorr]

OHHHH MY GOD. Just finished episode five of scavengers reign. If I wasn't sold on this show before I sure as hell am now. where do I even begin?

I love that there wasn't like an hour long build up episode explaining All the Lore. All the information. Some people like that but for me I love that you're thrown into these people not really knowing much. I LOVE the slowly telling you more about their lives! I love the conclusions you can draw about them. Azi pushes people away and gets lost in her work, she doesn't know how to maintain relationships. She doesn't know how to relate to people. Ursula is extremely determined but also just...never stopping for a second. Never stops to check in with herself, never lets herself stop for a second. Sam doesn't trust people easily. He's extremely logic oriented. Emotions confuse him. He's angry and stubborn and can't see past his own nose sometimes. He never takes shit into account. Kamen is so many things at once. He's selfish. He makes everything about him. He's controlling. He's extremely depressed and fears loss or things slipping out of control. He fears change. He needs everyone to respect him. He treats people badly because he takes ANYTHING as a personal attack that he has to "stand up for himself" against. He's suicidal. He genuinely loves Fiona and yet has no respect for her autonomy. He doesn't value the lives of the people around him. He holds at least some worry for the crew. But was that just for Fiona? I don't know yet and that's why it's so COOL. I love that they don't tell us everything immediately! They space out different information reveals so it can be taken in! They let you get to know the characters in five episodes before even revealing how the ship got there. And that's what makes the realization what happened actually effective! You knew enough about the characters to care! You know enough about why they act how they do to go, oh FUCK. This is a show you cannot watch with a binge culture mindset or you won't enjoy it it's so good.

Ursula and Sam's dynamic is really cool, hope to see more of how they met/ended up teaming up in these next episodes! I like it's not like. They're besties they're inseparable. it's two people who had to team up and did, and now they might bond. They're not friends yet, they don't dislike each other. They respect each other a lot and I dunno, it's kinda cool to see a completely neutral relationship in fiction.

Sam not apologizing to Ursula and instead kinda implying it. "Without your instincts", as in "I'm sorry I doubted your sense of danger. You wouldn't do something stupid." and also "Thank you for not leaving me alone even though, yeah, you could." Sam's rage at Kamen really adds a lot to him. Ursula so far isn't grabbing me but hey there's episodes left currently out and more to come out! There's gonna be a lot of depth most likely. I am VERY excited for it.

I fucking love Levi. I love their arc so far. I love their being scared of going back to how they were. Unfeeling and not making their own choices. They were never happy before. Theyd never had wants before. It was wonderful. And them being upset at Azi was just??? So good. You treat me like I still have no autonomy. I'm not going to hurt you. Why are you treating me like me enjoying things now and acting differently than I'm supposed to is bad when I'm just existing? I'm helping you. This makes me happy. Why are you upset? Also the scene where she saw her own hands fucked very hard not gonna lie.

Azi realizing, oh. They're a person now. They feel things. That...would be shitty to ask a person to do, huh? Her growing is so good. Her realizing all the times she pushed people out. All the assumptions she made about everything. Her respecting Levi more! Her realizing, okay I need to be nicer to them She...feels it. When I say something they'll feel it. Her telling Levi they're their own person now, and just,, idk I REALLY love them. Azi has so much implications and I love her. The pain about her being so lonely and shoving people out. Never stopping to be around anyone. And her finding companionship on the being that called her out on her shit. Goddd. Something about her treating them better than we see her so far treat a lot of other people. This planet being introduced as Horrific and it still is but it's also just a planet. It's just animals trying to survive. It's just nature and she has to adapt and make it make more sense as she grows.

Kamen....man. The way they've been telling his story with Fiona....at first him thinking the weird creature is her. Then Charlie making him realize no wait is she still there. Then. No. She's gone.

I love the set up to the fiona isn't alive. I saw it coming but it's not treated as a plot twist, it's treated as a realization for the characters. And that is so so much better sometimes. Like you can see it coming and yet kamens reaction, even if he's a horrible person, is still so gut wrenching.

Him being suicidal is STILL so gutwrenching. Because they show you how he feels. They show you, yeah. He loves her. He's a bad person but he has feelings even if he's selfish about them. And the fact none of the other characters have cried before makes seeing HIM much more impactful. He's not a good person but seeing anyone accept assumed death Hurts. And that's what fucks you up.

Man. This fucking show. That shot of the creature kinda consuming Kamen was horrifying and I love it. Still not done so no spoilers but god. This show is fucking good and I need to meet more people into it. I fucking love it.

[genderqueerdykes]

Sometimes I feel really upset that I'll never really be able to 'pass' as not woman, (probably w/o hrt that is), and it sucks getting misgendered so easily. Like when I look at myself in the mirror I don't see a woman but then I go out and most strangers don't hesitate she/her-ing me and idk what to do to get people to like not say that lol. Like my hair is the longest it's been in 2 years, (I'd buzzed it all off the past like 6-ish years), and I really like how it looks and don't want to cut it off but even when I had the short hair I was still being called 'she/her'. And then there's the voice which is probs a big factor in the way I get gendered and well....

Idk, I don't want to let strangers affect my perception of myself but it's hard not to feel kinda bad when people dont perceive me the way me and my friends do :(

Sorry if this is probably a repeat of another anon or ask you've received, feel free to ignore this.

hello there, i'm sorry other people are making you feel alienated from yourself- strangers and social transition are often the hardest part of being trans and a lot of people end up staying in the closet because of these things, so i understand why it's feeling so overwhelming for you. it's not an easy thing to cope with and i'm sorry to hear it's made you feel this way

unfortunately, people are often raised to make assumptions about strangers based upon how their bodies look and their voices sound, because folks are taught it's "polite" to aggressively gender a stranger to affirm them. it's not really your fault, it's parents failing to teach their children that people can come in any shape and form, and that person's fault for not learning how to respect other's boundaries. it's a cultural and societal failing

if you're able to, try to remind yourself that you know who you are. you don't have to identify a certain way because of the she/her's. i know they hurt to hear, but that doesn't mean they're right about who you are. they know nothing about you, they've never truly gotten to meet you, and they're making a very baseless and shitty assumption. a lot of people choose to see the she/her's in a drag queen way, and i think it helps to remind yourself that pronouns don't = gender and that person literally doesn't know your identity, so they're not correct. you are the expert on yourself

sometimes vocal training without hormones can help, sometimes changing the way you dress can help, and some folks use makeup to make their faces look more masculine. there are a few ways you can change the way others see you without hormones, i hope you're able to find something that works for you. at the very least, i'm glad your friends understand you for who you are. it may help to see if you can reach out to any lgbt organizations in your area, and see if you can hang out with other queer people who don't judge folks based off of opinion and voice. having a community can help a ton. even online communities can be super helpful

i hope you're able to find a way to feel a bit better, i know people can be very shitty and make assumptions that hurt us, it's a massive failing on society's behalf to take care of all of us, not just some of us. it's not fair, and it's okay to be hurt when people address you incorrectly. i wish you the best of luck, take care, and stay safe out there, if you need anymore help feel free to ask

[thisdreamplace]

Hi Dream, how are you? 🥹

It's been a long time since I've sent an ask, but let me tell you that I feel like a recovering addict. Let me tell you why. When I found the law of assumption and EIYPO, I became a control freak. "Acceptance" was not in my vocabulary. This really frustrated me because there were situations that I couldn't change, and I also did not have in me that humility to accept things as they were.

A huge problem was me not being able to accept rejection (romantically) because I had this mindset of "I can only be rejected if I allow it". So whenever a potential romantic partner didn't want me, I became a control freak and wanted to change the situation very badly, and became obsessed with the person. I never got significant movement with these people who I was trying to change, for obvious reasons. I was not seeing my own value, and only cared to be valued by others no matter what, even going as far as putting myself in dysfunctional situations.

Recently, I was once again rejected, but this time the difference was that I do not want to change it. I do not want anything different. I've had a hard time trying not to blame myself for it, and trying to just move on. Normally I would try to force mental images that I don't even feel pleased with, about this guy being obsessed with me. This time I am allowing myself to taste what it is like to just accept it, to be fearlessly disliked.

It is not a bad thing. Maybe, yes, he is mirroring me, and that's fine. It makes no sense to try to get out of my way to change his mind. Or, try to fool myself, and change my mind for the sake of changing his. Idk if you know what I mean? I feel like right now the most sane thing I can do, is not to shift this whole thing or try to do anything about this, but instead, just let it be like this. Allow myself to feel this disappointment freely. To just observe it. I do not need anything different. And like, this opportunity can serve me as a way to bring me closer to myself.

I feel like I don't know how to explain how I'm feeling. I'm kinda confused. Sometimes I think "why will I allow him to reject me if I can 'manifest' him", but being completely I don't even have reasons to want him, besides the fact that my ego is hurt.

But anyways, this feels new to me and idk why I wanted to send you this. I guess, I wanted to talk about it, and I feel like I've followed you for so long that I feel like you're like a friend or a big sister that I really appreciate.

hiiii <3 i'm okay ! how are you ? :))

hahah its totally okay. because i think MOST of us can agree with that on some level ?? i was also a control freak, and ouch. did it hurt me more than help me. and acceptance was so scary at first, that i put it off for a long time before allowing myself to being practicing it. but hey, you made it here. so good for you !

i also understand your past struggles in that way. when youre on that control kick, you dont even really want anything other than to PROVE it. so you hold on to people, things, circumstances... as a way to try and show that you are in control after all.

everything that you're saying is making sm sense to me, seriously. and i'm glad for you that you're choosing to deal with this circumstance differently than you have in the past. THIS is the biggest start. i remember being in a veryyyyy similiar situation as you before, and i ended up manifesting a measly text a week after a rejection and for a second i felt happy... and in the next second i felt like a silly clown. that was my final turning point, where i realized it was time to change. bc what i DIDNT want was these failed experiences and trying to do control damage after each one. so i stopped trying to control things. i started to just accept what was, and start putting more energy and life into the experience i did want. and most of that looked like... just letting life be, and learning how to enjoy life as it was for me at that moment.

so anyway. what youre experiencing right now, i understand it fully. the ego will make us chase and chase. but we really don't have to, if we'll step into acceptance which feels scary and uncomfortable at first for many. but its what leads us exactly where we wanna go.

i'm glad you shared it with me. i'm proud of you and where you're at in your journey ! you're doing the best you can for you. and thats wonderful. 🥹 <3 i appreciate you sm ! thank you for being here.

xo

[golbrocklovely]

omg ngl this is the best song kat has released yet

and for the record i wholeheartedly believe kat has the right to make this song. i mean for the past 7 years (or 6 idk exactly how long they’ve been together) kat, and sam too, were under the impression that they were going to last forever. i mean up until they had a conversation early in 2023 did sam break the news that he wasn’t feeling the same way as her so me personally, i feel she has every right to feel blindsided

she has the right to feel hurt about the breakup just like sam does. they’re both hurting in different ways.

kats in her taylor swift era lol

this mini rant is only directed at people who i see are mad at kat for expressing herself

i think i will use this as my post to talk about the song and what i think about it so if this is super long, my bad lol

as for what you said in your ask, i wouldn't say this is kat's best song. personally i will always think her best song is 'blue roses' and 'gone'. i fuck with both of those songs heavy lol

i'm gonna break down this into two parts: first, what this song is talking about, what this entails for the fandom, all that stuff. and then second, that'll be how i feel about the song on a technical stand point (like how it sounds, the lyrics, ect).

i want to make it very apparent that kat has EVERY RIGHT to write this song and release it. she was in a relationship with this man for seven years, she has every right to talk about it as much as she wants, especially while it is so fresh and new. i've already seen sam fan accounts on twitter losing their minds about it and all i got to say to that is TOUCH GRASS. quickly. lol

you are not involved in their relationship, as much as the parasocial bond says otherwise. you don't get to dictate who says what. no one's policing you when you shit talk your exes, don't do it for others. and bffr, if sam came out with a video talking about "oh, i didn't love kat's jealousy" or whatever about the relationship, yall wouldn't say he shouldn't do that. you would eat it up. so, be quiet. just bc it paints your fav in a "bad light" doesn't mean it shouldn't exist.

as for the song, she doesn't even say anything all that bad ! she could have been way harsher and meaner, and she wasn't. all she really said is that he changed up on her and she didn't like that. however, i'm gonna say a controversial opinion that could possibly get me hate: how did sam blindside her? for YEARS this man talked about not wanting to marry until he was in his 40s, or late 30s at least. now, there is a ton we don't know and never will (and i'm not asking for them to share anything they don't want to). but based on what i have seen with my own eyes in videos, he has never changed that stance. so…. when she finally asked him about marriage, did she think he was fucking with her all this time about not wanting to get married until he was old? i'm just a bit confused.

if i'm allowed to speculate, what i think happened is that sam promised and planned to eventually get married to her, but again - not until he was way older. and every year, i think kat would hint at wanting to get married and he would just kinda push it off and say "we'll talk about it later". and after years of her asking, sam finally was just like "i don't think it's right for me to keep you here where you can't get what you want". and that's why things might feel blindsided to her. bc while he had plans, he didn't follow thru when time finally came bc he himself wasn't ready and she was. and if that's what happened, i get why she might feel blindsided. but then again, sam was telling you the whole time who he was so… you can't be surprised when he says "no i was being serious".

but again, that's just my assumption. i don't know what happened between them, please don't get upset with me for an opinion that is unfounded. take me with a pinch of salt and nothing more.

now for the technical aspect of the song: her vocals are great. they always are. my one little gripe, or really want, with her is that if she does plan to do these pop/rock songs, you gotta add some grit to your voice. her voice is too clean to be singing songs that are supposed to be heavier. but that's also just a personal preference of mine.

the lyrics i think are telling but a bit clunky at times. it doesn't flow as well as it could. i think one more write thru would have been better.

and i will have to say this until i'm blue in the face but DEAR GOD ABOVE make the vocals louder than the music !!! why is this a reoccuring issue with her songs? i understand it's a producer thing, so it's not really her fault. but i swear at times the background vocals were louder than her main vocals. it's very weird to me that i can separate the music from the vocals, turn the music down just a bit, and make the song better imo.

also, idk if it's my ears or my age or what, but please enunciate. like half of the chorus i have no clue what she said and i'm just assuming lyrics so… idk.

(and before anyone gets on my case, i literally went to college for performing arts and music. i've been around musicians all my life, and have been singing since i was four. i know what i'm talking about to some degree. also i'm allowed to have an opinion you don't agree with. and none of this is directed at the anon, just in general to anyone reading in case someone really feels the need to chew me out.)

[maoth-fuath]

Personal post/ dumb post

One of the convos online that I think have messed me up probably the most, is convos where people discuss feminine presentation vs masculine, or "gender" presentation in general. I think it's really hard to look at people constantly hyper analyzing how other people view them and not go crazy. I think this is also true in feminist convos. Like, I don't think I've experienced much judgment from people. However, I think people maybe go a little far in talking Abt how they KNOW how straight people view certain styles. Or how people are viewing their gender. Or how people are viewing their style in general. Like, the queering of style in general? Acting like you know a certain style is only worn by queer people. Like I like to be both masculine and feminine at the same time but I don't think Abt it in the grand scheme of things and when I do I go crazy. I just wear what I like. If I analyze how straight men feel Abt it. Or how random people feel Abt it. It just hurts. Bec I just like stuff that feels like me. I'm literally not trying to impress men. I'm also not thinking Abt people in public formulating opinions Abt me. I hate thinking Abt all the conversations overanalyzing feminine behaviors. I literally don't wear makeup except for sometimes gold eyeliner Bec I really love how it looks. And, I hate both A. The weird discourse around makeup. And B. Feeling like I'd be judged by these people for even the little makeup I do wear. OR they'd go off abt how weird makeup is actually revolutionary Bec men don't like it? And only femme queer people wear it? Idk, like it just hurts. I just literally don't want to give a shit what anyone thinks Abt my presentation. Or what they assume Abt my relationship or gender. The assumptions are all so stupid. And you 99% of the time can't actually assume what people think. Sometimes people aren't thinking what you think they're thinking. There's a type of queer person who acts like straight people are literally terrified of them Bec "they can't tell my gender it's too whacky". When in all reality sometimes people are just confused? Not scared. And I don't know why you act like this gives you insane power. When it kinda just sounds exhausting to think Abt 24/7 and try to maintain it. + You come off kinda self obsessed Bec I don't think everyone cares abt your presentation as much as you think they do. I hate feeling self obsessed. I think that bec I have ocd I end up fixating on this type of stuff. Bec it's painful to think that A. I know what everyone is thinking based on their sexuality or whatever, but B. That it's very one dimensional always. Bec "straight people are boring/predictable ect" Sorry this post is just a vent post. I've been thinking Abt identity. And I just don't care what gender or sexuality people think I have anymore. Or what that "means" Abt me. I also don't gender anything. So when I wear fem/masc things I just think of them as comfy..not as a way to express my gender or my entire Identity to them. It shouldn't be that deep. Gender is just so boring. I just like things when they are fun and comfy. I'm not trying to present a nonbinary gender thesis when I wear what I want. I don't even think Abt my behaviors being masculine or feminine until people point them out. And the pointing out of these things is exhausting. I get why these convos happen they just go so far. And become so alien and unrelatable.

[herr-aka-somecutenerd]

Herr, I'm so sorry for bringing this up, but I'm just still so hurt and confused. How Ell could say I was desperate and pathetic and I was purposely trying to start discourse without even.....idk, TALKING TO ME?! I really wanna move on from it and just get over it, but she was still someone that I comforted. Someone that I thought looked up to me, someone I tried to be the very best version of myself so she could at least think of someone as a 'good parental figure', someone that I was proud of. And I feel like all of that meant jackshit to her cause she was so easily able to throw around lies and assumptions about me when she doesn't know a goddamn thing about me!

I'm so sorry for bringing this up. You can feel free not to answer this, but I really just want to let this out. I usually can excuse when a minor does stupid shit, but this is fucking ridiculous

Don't worry, sis, I understand that there are still things that may bother you, and honestly I feel you.

I too supported Ell, damn I remember writing for her Rantaro with a reader with ED request that I put my heart into, hoping it will help her, I tried my best to remind her that her mother is a bitch and she's pretty no matter what, trying to encourage her in some way. And I thought her lifting her self esteem up was a facade and her way to cope. But it turned out that she's just ungrateful and too selfish, looking down at others. It might be a false or changed memory, but I still believe she once posted about how her attitude to her moots change? And that somehow she thinks they're pathetic? Like straight up?

Don't worry, sis, we still appreciate your support, comfort and just you bring here with us. Those people like Ell don't deserve even single drop of your tears, and as you said, being a minor us not an ultimate defense card. If you're at least 15 you must understand that there's a thing called responsibility for what you do and say and thing like basic empathy. I remember she reblogged a post how empathy is not that important and is overvalued and being unempathetic doesn't make you a bad person, and yes, I kinda agree, but again, BASIC empathy must exist.

P. S. If we're talking about that, I just thought how Rookie kinkshamed J, while they literally wrote pissfics with Korekiyo that made me uncomfortable 💀 By their logic I should've shamed them for that and scold them?

[weabooweedwitch]

I'm so sorry about your heartbreak!!! Have you told him how you feel? You could perhaps try long distance or something, hope is not lost! Maybe he feels the same way, maybe not, but jumping to either conclusion and making assumptions is a recipe for hurt. Understanding his feelings on the situation might help. It is ok to express your feelings too and get an answer! You don't have to pretend for his sake because he might even feel the same way as you!

Btw don't be so hard on yourself for getting attached from what I can gather you guys slept together? Some people can do casual no strings attached without catching feelings but some can't. It's ok I am the same way which is why I never do casual fwb

I mean, I thought about talking to him more when I see him, but part of me wonders, I dunno, will it be too late then? But it's also like, it would be easier for him to see my feelings if I talk to him in person? I did, um, tell him I meant it in the nicest way possible if he thought maybe he might just be overwhelmed and be making a rash decision

I just. How meaningful and genuine could I could off through text, you know? What if I'm lying there cuddling with him and I talk to him then? And I tell him then that I don't want for him to leave or that I want something more with him? Or even for me to just say, "I think we're both kind of working on ourselves right now, but maybe in the future when both of us are ready, if you wanted to--"

It's like, what if I fail the delivery and he doesn't know how i feel. But. I'd also. I guess I'd also rather talk to him and have him reject me then let him leave and never know? But I still don't know if I want to tell him in person or online or both kwim. I kinda already said that I would certainly miss him but if he's gonna be happy and doing good, etc. He's kinda not really responding and I'm considering the possibility he's making like an emotional stress decision or is simply like, extremely out of sorts at the moment, but I also have to think that with a grain of salt because I don't want to be dismissive of his feelings you know?

But I mean, he described himself as sex positive so I think maybe us sleeping together is not inherently indicative of him feeling for me romantically? Or at least, being attracted in me for a relationship?

I also feel like. He just brought this up to me tonight. Maybe I should bring it up with him again in a few days and if he's still serious, then kind of follow up deeper on it? I feel like, part of me doesn't want too come on too strongly to him because he just told me this idea tonight and what if my response comes off as really idk reactive or severe to him?

But also. Google says you can get Hungarian residency within 1 to 2 months so. I worry about losing him if I don't talk to him soon. But him moving also isn't the end of the world? But would he visit me or me visit him? Visiting another CONTINENT is so much more complicated and time consuming and EXPENSIVE, so it's almost like. It's almost like the only way I would ever see him again is if, YEARS passed and we met up again or stayed in touch the whole time and became serious with time. And. I just don't know if my heart could take not having someone I could hold in my arms. When I finally cuddled him and felt someone love me like that, that i could TRUST to hold me like that, I knew what I was missing the whole time. If we tried long distance I think I would just miss him too excruciatingly much

I dunno. I'm gonna say something to him, inuust can't figure out when. But I was already thinking of him constantly. I think about if he's eaten enough and if his hand hurts and if he's had a good day and if he's happy and how he's doing and we talk all the time and I just. I don't know what I have to offer him. I think he would want me to better myself before we did anything serious? Idk. Or maybe that's me.

We actually had a conversation where I mentioned how I feel like I couldn't be in a relationship with someone unless I was all put together, but then he said there's nothing wrong in finding someone who balances you out and I feel like he's had such a huge influence on me I feel like HE'S that person for me? But can I be that person for him? I don't want to force him into some kind of caretaker role where he has to constantly sacrifice

He says he's not happy in Canada, and he doesn't want to live in the states, so what, would I go with him? Or would I make him haply enough to snap out of his depression or something? But that's wishing for so much. I could confess to him and he might say "whoa this is a lot, we don't have this kind of relationship, I need to take care of myself" which don't get me wrong I would understand but would break my heart. I'm just so sad. I miss him. We talk on Facebook and read receipts are on and I always lnow when he reads but doesn't reply and I worry I've said too much or pushed him away but I constantly try to encourage and praise him and ask how hea doing and. Yeah. I really need to take this trip and see him now. He's under so much stress and I have to see him, at all costs, if anything goes wrong and the trip falls through I will totally fall apart

Either way I think he went to bed for the night and I guess I should as well 😭 I will message him in the morning and see how he's doing and see if I can get him to eat breakfast lol