#but it doesn't justify that they're expecting much when they barely did anything for us

[octobertomarch]

I definitely have to color this next timeeeee 😅😝

Shigino kisumi eating pancake/cake/sweets/ i forgot hahahha

The fanart is inspired by this:

Kdrama: Touch Your Heart (starring Yoo In-Na and Lee Dong-Wook). The show is great and funny. I recommend it

[regicidal-defenestration]

Mechtober Day 15 - HNOC

Brian had never really considered the fact he didn't have blood, but recent times had found him increasingly thankful for the fact.

He had to be thankful for something anyway, because otherwise he'd start thinking about his current situation, and then he'd start thinking about how much being hung upside down for years, with no shade from the unrelenting sun and no protection from the freezing nights, was truly a terrible experience, and then he'd start thinking about how he came to be here, and then he'd start thinking about losing that fucking bet, and he really did not want to start thinking about that bet.

Galahad interrupted his train of thought with a tip of his hat and an:

"Evenin', Merlin. How's the day finding you?"

Brian didn't make an oh, just hanging around joke, because he still had some self respect left.

"Today I'm grateful that I don't have to feel the blood all pooled in my head," he said instead, in a way that didn't sound grateful at all. "It's the only thing I have left to be positive about."

"That so?" Galahad replied, in the vague sort of way people will agree to anything you say when they're busy thinking about something else.

Brian paused. 

"Did something happen?" he asked, whirring with concern.

This was worrying. Something was definitely going to happen - the crew wouldn't have come here otherwise - but things couldn't be moving this fast already. The exposition had barely been laid.

Taking a seat next to Brian's head, Galahad looked across the square to the Joyous Guard. The shadows in the windows showed that someone, at least, was having fun tonight.

"I've been hearing talk. Some folks reckon you've been telling the future."

Brian doesn't quite hide the bitterness in his voice.

"If they think that, it'd be nice if they listened to me."

He'd tried though, that was the important part. He'd warned Gawain that his hatred for the Saxons would lead only down the dark road of violence. He'd told Arthur that maybe, just maybe the world did still have hope in it and that hope was coming in the form of his son, long thought dead.

He had tried, even though they'd both nodded politely, disregarding every single word he said.

Galahad barked a laugh.

"Those bastards ain't the listening type and don't I know it."

He looked at Brian out of the corner of his eye, considering something for a while before he next spoke. 

"Hey Hanged Man. You don't happen to have any more of those prophecies lying around, do you?"

It was a deliberate question, one that, despite the careless words, hadn't been asked easily. Brian could feel the weight of Galahad's expectations as he tried to word a good enough answer.

He was about to say a flat no. No, that's not how any of this works, and I can't justify lying and giving you false hope, and maybe it would have been easier if he did.

Except…

Except Brian had the unpleasant realisation that that statement would have been a lie.

There was something that he could see. Bright lights and gunshots and the burning chair. All the way to the inner ring of the station and the Captain sleeping there, hands grasped tight around the source of new life. True and useful are not the same thing, sneers Jonny and the words melt in his mouth. Falling, falling, falling, and the endless, all consuming flames.

Well.

That was interesting. 

Galahad was still watching him, trying not to be obvious about it, and failing.

"If you ain't got nothing Merlin, you can tell me. I was just wonderin'."

Brian's neck creaked as he tried to shake his head. He has something alright.

Third time lucky then?

"Deep within the depths of the station…"

[casspurrjoybell-25]

Cold as Ice - Chapter 43 - Part 2

*Warning - Adult Content*

Landon Reilly

"He's so polite," Anne said, grinning over at me.

"And very cute too."

"Yeah, he is," I said, feeling slightly embarrassed.

I knew Anne and Matthew would like him but it still felt a little strange introducing Wren as my boyfriend to them.

It felt weird that they knew we were dating but I liked it this way anyway.

It made it feel normal in a way I never thought it would and never imagined for myself.

I finally felt a little less bad about myself and my sexuality now that I could be here with Wren as my boyfriend, introducing him to my family.

Next we would have to tell Olivia, though I was sure she probably already knew or assumed.

"It seems like you two have come a long way since the last time I saw you," Micah said with that same grin from before.

I narrowed my eyes at him.

"What is that supposed to mean exactly?"

I knew what he meant.

I just wanted to know what that fucking smirk was all about.

"Well, before you could barely even admit to me that you were together, even though I saw you guys kissing..."

"Micah," I exclaimed with wide eyes.

"Micah, don't embarrass him," Matthew said, then turned to me.

"I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to introduce him to us. He seems like a wonderful boy."

Before I could say anything, Wren was back at the table and the small talk continued.

When we finished dinner, Wren offered to help clean up but of course, Anne and Matthew wouldn't let him.

So, the two of us got ready to go on our date.

We bid goodbye to the Hansons and got into Wren's car, starting toward the ice rink.

"They seem like good people," Wren said as he drove away from the house.

"They are," I agreed.

"They, uh, really helped me a lot."

No one ever liked to admit they needed help, and I was no different but I wanted Wren to know what they had done for me because he and the Hansons were all important to me.

"I was in a really dark place when everything went down with my parents," I admitted.

"My dad, he tried to send me away to some conversion camp and I just kind of lost all hope. Anne and Matthew took me in and cared for me like I was their own son. They got me set up with a therapist, got me into college. They just treated me so much better than my parents ever did."

I looked straight ahead through the windshield, fearing that if I looked over at Wren, I would stop talking.

It felt good to be vulnerable with him.

"It's kinda crazy how people following the same religion can get very different things from it," I continued.

"Like my parents were so traditional. My dad was the man of the house and my mom was his subservient wife and he expected me and Olivia to listen to him without question."

I realized I was talking about them in past tense like they were dead.

They kind of were in a way, dead to me.

"And the Hansons are the opposite," I said.

"They're so loving and kind, exactly what you'd expect from people so religious. They don't expect me to be a certain way. They just let me be who I am."

"People often read the same book and get very different meanings from it," Wren responded, glancing at me briefly.

"That doesn't justify how they treated you."

"Yeah, I know."

Sometimes it was hard to realize that.

Back when I lived with my parents, I thought I did deserve it, my father had instilled in me that I needed to do everything exactly as he said to otherwise I would get punished and deserved whatever punishment he decided to give me.

It was hard to get out of that mindset even after moving in with the Hansons.

"My dad... I always felt like he just hated me," I continued.

"But I don't know if that's entirely true. He hated who I really was but he loved me when I was what he wanted me to be."

"That's not love," Wren said.

"I'm glad you're out of that situation."

I did too, obviously but I was also glad that I had opened up to Wren a bit more.

It felt like things were getting more and more serious with us and I wanted him to really know me and understand me and I wanted to know and understand him too.

I never imagined I'd be sitting beside him, telling him all about how awful my father was to me.

Not only was I quite embarrassed about it but I hated thinking about it and reliving it, especially since there were still times I heard my father's voice in my head telling me how disgusting and wrong I was.

Wren reached out and put a reassuring hand on my thigh, squeezing it lightly.

He left it there for the remainder of the ride to the outdoor rink we were going to.

********

When Wren and I got to the ice rink, it was busier than I think either of us expected.

Wren had to circle around a couple times to find parking.

Once we were parked, we waited in line to rent skates.

I didn't want to use my own skates for this.

"You're going to have to help me with this again," Wren said as we found an area to sit to put our skates on.

I grinned over at him.

"Okay, let me do yours first," I said, kneeling in front of him.

I put his foot up on my knee and tightly laced the skates for him.

I couldn't tell if he actually needed my help or if he was just doing this to make it feel more like a date but I did it without complaint anyway.

It was nice being able to do something together that I was better at than him.

Once Wren's skates were tied, I sat down beside him to do my own.

Then we made our way to the rink, Wren gripping my arm to keep his balance as we walked down the path to the ice.

I stepped onto the ice first, then held my hands out for Wren to grab onto.

He slowly put one foot on the ice, waited a moment, then put down the other as he held onto both of my hands.

I skated backwards as I pulled him along.

"By the end of tonight I think we'll get you standing on your own," I said to him, causing him to look up from his feet to stare at me.

"You can't let go of me," Wren argued, gripping my hands tighter.

"You're supposed to want to hold onto me because this is a date."

"I do want to hold onto you."

It was kind of funny but also a little unnerving, to see Wren so out of his element.

He was always so sure of himself, nothing was out of his comfort zone but ice skating was and he wanted to do it just because I liked it.

"I just can't believe you can't skate," I joked, looking at him with fondness.

"It was never my thing," he said.

"It was Fox's, obviously. My dad tried to get the both of us into hockey but it never stuck for me."

I chuckled.

"I didn't have much of a choice."

We did a few laps around the rink before Wren complained that he was cold and his feet were hurting.

I brought him to the exit and back to where our shoes were, promising I'd go buy us each a hot chocolate.

As I stood in line, a familiar voice called out to me.

"Landon," Isaiah, an old hockey teammate from high school, said from behind me.

I didn't want to face him but I had a feeling he wouldn't let me flat out ignore him.

Isaiah was one of my closest friends in high school after I forced myself to drift from Micah and Elijah.

He was ruthless and mean and nothing but trouble.

He allowed himself to be manipulated by Elijah's stepfather which caused him and other teammates to go after Fox after the tournament last year.

"Isaiah," I replied, turning only slightly to look at him.

"Does your Daddy know you're back in town?" he asked with a sinister smirk.

"I'm assuming no."

I pulled my hands into fists at my sides.

It made me so angry to be near him but I also wanted to be prepared to defend myself if he tried anything.

"Who's the guy?"

He jerked his thumb back in the direction of where Wren was sitting.

I just shook my head at him, turning to face forward and move up in the line.

Isaiah put his hand on my shoulder, jerking me toward him.

"You think you're just going to come back around here with some guy and no one would notice?" he asked, his hand tightly gripping my shoulder.

It pained me to think that I did think that.

I thought I could just exist with Wren in our own bubble as if everyone I went to high school with wouldn't be back in town for the holidays.

I shoved his hand off of me and turned to face him completely.

"You think I give a fuck what any of you think?" I snapped.

"You're all fucking nobodies to me."

"You're a liar but I guess I shouldn't expect anything better from someone living in sin, parading around some guy like a fucking fairy."

I turned away from him, seething but not bothering to respond.

I had to keep a cap on my anger.

I couldn't be throwing punches out here in front of all these people.

"You're a fucking disgrace, you know that?" Isaiah continued with venom in his tone.

"You were supposed to be the pride of this town, going off to Notre Dame, the NHL but now you're a sick, disgusting faggot who's better off dead. Your own father wishes you were dead. You know that's what he tells people when they ask about you? He tells them that his son passed away because that's better than the fucking truth."

I clenched my jaw and tried to block out his words but it was no use.

I heard every word and took each one like a punch to the stomach.

I hated that his words stung, that they made my heart clench and my eyes sting.

I kept my back to Isaiah and moved forward in the line to order the drinks.

Once the drinks were in hand, I went back to Wren without sparing Isaiah another glance.

There, with Wren, I would be safe.

[phoenixyfriend]

[rotates a fic concept based on a Frozen fic I read years ago]

(I'll link the fic and explain the premise a the bottom of the post. If you've read Ghost on the Wire, that's my inspo. If you haven't, check the bottom for the summary.) Easy option for the AU in question is Domino twins because [gestures at Echo], buuuuuuuuuuuut I think it would be interesting with Anakin as the kidnapped experiment sibling and Obi-Wan finding him years later.

Consider:

Ahsoka, age 12, is the padawan to Obi-Wan Kenobi, who lost his first padawan seven years ago and has been in mourning and self-doubt since; everyone thinks it's a miracle that he took her on, and she tries not to rock the boat because what if he decides he's not ready for another kid after all?

She's got a weird friend online that… well, if she complains about a senator or a mission, this person hunts down files pointing to questionable behavior by said senators and then dumps them in the Jedi's evidence box.

Since they're anonymously provided, the Jedi can legally use them to gain warrants, etc, because even if the law was broken to achieve it, they didn't do anything illegal, pay anyone to do anything illegal, or encourage anyone to do the illegal thing.

Obi-Wan takes a bit longer than he should to catch on to Ahsoka having a definitely criminal online friend, but decides to allow it so long as she lets him monitor interactions with this one specific person. He realizes that Ahsoka's random mentions of details coincide with certain infodumps, which Ahsoka wouldn't know because she's not privy to the fact that said data dumps happened at all.

War breaks out. Obi-Wan is frequently in a panic, because he already had one underage padawan die under his watch, and he's terrified of it happening again.

Various shenanigans, Ahsoka keeps up correspondence with her friend but it's much more heavily monitored now, in case of security violations. The friend still gives her heads up about suspected Separatist activity based on algorithmic analysis of shipping patterns and the like.

The friend tells Ahsoka he's in trouble. He needs help. Given the amount of information he's been giving the Jedi, they can consider him a confidential criminal informant that needs extraction and could continue being useful (important so they can justify using military resources when the Senate asks about budget expenditures).

They find Anakin, in a very similar setup to S7 Echo

Obi-Wan is. Not okay.

Ahsoka is freaked out by Anakin's physical state but fuck it! Friend! He needs medical help and he's really not exactly cognizant of the world around him.

Get him back to the ship. Get back to the Temple. Get him some medical help.

Figure out what the fuck is going on.

Turns out Anakin was captured on Sidious's orders when he was like... IDK ten. And then underwent experiments under the supervision of the Sith Lord. He still doesn't know who the Sith is, because Sidious saw his chatting with Ahsoka and only allowed it for as long as it wasn't anything too damaging, which means it was all either something that benefited Sidious, or something Anakin only barely managed to hide inside larger data packets (including his final request for help; he's gotten much better at cyber security on his own brain over the years).

But Sidious never did let Anakin know what his real identity is.

IDK where this goes but I do know Anakin is incredibly insistent on helping Ahsoka and the Jedi, and also that Obi-Wan cries on Anakin a lot.

He definitely would NOT be allowed out in the field, into battle, because the amount of physical therapy he needs. Immense. But he's probably with the 501st and 212th as their main data analyst/strategic dude? In this situation, the 501st doesn't technically have a Jedi, they're just a legion under the larger command of Obi-Wan and Cody, with their direct CO being Yularen, but Ahsoka's paired up with them regularly and she is honorary Jedi for the legion and everyone expects to get her officially once she's knighted, if the war lasts that long.

I do know that he chose Ahsoka to befriend because he had a vision of her becoming Obi-Wan's padawan a few years before it happened and went OH. BABY SISTER.

Any fic on this topic would have a heavy focus on Anakin's experiences with disability and recovery.

I feel like, while he can recover from a lot of the muscle atrophy etc, he probably has permanent damage to his bones and general health. He needs mobility aids, maybe a service animal to keep an eye on his physical state. Possibly epilepsy, since there was so much done to him neurologically. He definitely sleeps more than most people, has a very specific dietary plan, and relies a lot on the Force for things like getting things off of shelves.

A lot of this fic would by necessity happen with Anakin in a medical pod, communicating either in chat format or with a speaker. Possibly projected as a hologram approximation of himself despite the real body being in the pod.

Especially early on, he really is just text chat, before the war starts.

I think for the first few months of the war, when Anakin is still just a criminal internet friend Ahsoka happens to have, there are a lot of instances of him slicing into her comm during a mission and offering directions or information while she's like. Three quarters of a mile into a sewage system infil.

He's been on mute this entire time, but someone asks if the others remember which way to go, and he just pops up with "turn left."

It's the first time Ahsoka's ever heard his voice (or rather, an approximation of what he thinks he'd sound like at this age using some synthesizers normally used for waiter droids,) and it scares the crap out of her.

He wants to tease his baby sister! Sure she doesn't know she's his baby sister yet. But it's his obligation as a big brother.

They spend most of those months thinking he's some super cool slicer in a basement lair with eight screens and a bottle of orange soda and, basically, they're imagining Hardison from Leverage.

It's uhhhhh not quite that.

I think Ahsoka's a little betrayed at first that Anakin didn't tell her who he was, but she gets over it in favor of THIS IS MY FAVORITE PERSON LOOK HOW COOL HE IS pretty quickly

"It's my older brother's birthday and if everybody doesn't clap for him I'm going to blow up this entire ship."

Ahsoka: I'm gonna rob a BANK and Skyguy's gonna help! Obi-Wan: Ahsoka please he's still reco-- Anakin: DAMN RIGHT I AM where are we going

A whole lot of the emotional core would be the development for Anakin and Obi-Wan in a context where one's been mourning the other for so many years, and feels guilt for accepting his death instead of searching for him, even though he had evidence of Anakin's death (like "Sidious used Anakin's DNA to feign an accurate corpse burnt to a crisp" levels of evidence).

Obviously, there needs to be a heavy plot regarding figuring who took Anakin, why they did what they did, and whether there's any way to find them again.

I think the Domino twins steal Anakin for shenanigans of their own regularly, in part because they were usually the two with Ahsoka when Anakin popped up and started offering advice unasked.

IDK how I want to do the Rex&Anakin dynamic. That part's still percolating.

I do think Obi-Wan is very… delicate with him? He fusses. Anakin appreciates the part where Obi-Wan regularly tells him he's proud and loves him, but he's quickly very irritated by Obi-Wan treating him like he's made of glass.

Obi-Wan, however, is much more emotionally delicate than in canon, because he lost his master and his padawan within two or so years of each other, and blames himself for both. Part of him is convinced that Anakin also blames him.

(And part of Anakin… does.)

(For giving up on him, instead of searching for him even after evidence of his death came up.)

(Even though he knows, from conversations with Ahsoka before he revealed his identity, that Obi-Wan mourned him for years upon years before he took another student)

There's probably a specific medic whose job is at least 25% "Skywalker stuff."

I feel like it's easy to assign Kix to be Anakin's primary medic (there's a Jedi back at the Temple that's in constant contact) BUT I think it would make sense for there to be someone on hand as an assistant for the day to day, since he's on a military vessel and most of it isn't built in a way that's easy for him to navigate, especially with the Force, so I think it would be interesting to have Dogma assigned as Anakin's temporary care aide.

He's definitely someone who'd thrive on having a detailed list of Things That Need Doing, for a Jedi that has trouble remembering to take the medication that Kix said he needed, or to eat, or what have you.

And Anakin would. Probably have Dogma help him break many laws and regulations. Could be good for him.

Anakin: I want some hot chocolate. Dogma: That's not on the list Kix gave me. Anakin: But I want it. Dogma: ... Anakin: [starts levitating ingredients] Dogma, vibrating and maybe tearing up a bit: SIR PLEASE--

(Obi-Wan can be convinced to give him the hot chocolate. His brain is just going Baby Boy. Baby.)

Dogma makes so many calls to Kix for help keeping Skywalker alive.

Someone suggested he get an exoskeleton-style aid (think Rhodey post-CACW), but I think he does prefer more mundane mobility aids. Like, he's been forcibly teched up for… eight years? It's nice to have something that's just. Not that.

It's a chair with a motor. It's crutches with special padding. It's the Force, sometimes. Yeah he could take a shot at complex external support, but... he'd rather stick with the basics.

It's also like. A separation thing? He still uses his neurological hookup to do data analysis and slicing for the GAR and the Jedi (even though he was told MANY times that he doesn't have to and everyone would like it very much if he just stayed home at the Temple and focused on recovering), but he'd like to be able to ditch the complex tech stuff by choice when he's not at work.

I think Anakin puts a lot of stock in his ability to be useful. He'd want to 'detox' from it, so to speak, for a few months at a time very year or so. Just get out somewhere rural with lots of nature and a manageable number of people, and minimal tech. Regular missions with AgriCorps, maybe.

But he'd still think that, now that he has these skills and connections, it's irresponsible to not use them to help people.

I do not have the energy to write this out as an entire epic, which it probably deserves, but. Concept.

----------------------------------------------------------------

The Frozen fic was ghost on the wire.

Cyberpunk AU. Major element is that some people get neurological hook-ups to the internet and slowly get addicted to it to the point where they lose themselves to it (think the dream addicts in Inception, I guess?) The parents had died early on, and the sisters had been split up Anna made friends with a weirdo online, used this friendship to investigate the suspicious deaths of the parents. Weirdo is an insanely good hacker. Goes on a Recovery mission for the weirdo. Turns out the weirdo is actually Elsa, who was forcibly hooked up to the internet as a weapon? Ish? IDK she's a mega-useful hacker but she's been trapped in a medical pod thing for the past however many years and can't walk. Can barely talk, and regularly gets back inside a medical pod due to the lack of motor function and medical instability, and she needs to speak clearly to plan Cool Heists for the conspiracy investigation.

[goatchulu]

jealous! lucifer x gender neutral! reader

Genre: fluff, ig? slight smut in the end.

Fandom: obey me!

Prompt: you find yourself in a fake relationship, and now you're introducing your "boyfriend" to the demom brothers. they don't take it so well, especially lucifer.

Warnings: mentions of drinking, mentions of harassment and stalking, they make out in the end, reader's gender is unmentioned for your imagination (and inclusion).

lucifer takes another swig of his whisky, a slight burning sensation lingering on his throat. no matter the amount of alcohol he consumed that night, he couldn't escape the bitter feeling that was left inside his chest.

the two of you have been hitting it off pretty well for the past few weeks, if he could say so himself. the harmless complimenting and the subtle glancing had turned into ardent flirting and shows of affection overtime. you two were finally going somewhere with your mutual pinning, or so he thought.

lucifer didn't think his small (not so small) crush on you would lead anywhere, really. nor did he think you would reciprocate his infatuation. but with all the friendly interactions you had of late, anyone would assume you two were together in a romantic light.

now look, lucifer prides himself as a person. he was assertive, efficient, productive, level-headed and the voice of reason when stress is most prominent. but as a lover? lucifer wasn't so sure. he assumed you'd like someone more jolly and eccentric like mammon or someone more confident and charismatic like asmodeus. he didn't expect for you to even spare him a second glance when it came to the dating game. lucifer was a busy man after all, and he wasn't the most expressive when it came to emotions; not very ideal for a lover.

but what lucifer also did not expect was for you to bring home a common demon boy and introduce him as your significant other.

let's just say that all the built up tension and courting were all ruined by a single dinner party.

you had gathered all the demon brothers earlier that morning, claiming you had an important announcement to make. you went as far as inviting diavolo and his loyal butler, barbatos, to spend the evening over for dinner. they thanked you for the invitation, but they unfortunately, could not attend because of their hectic schedules.

lucifer, on the other hand, was more than happy to accept your invitation (though he was quick to cover up the smile he held when you came up to him). seeing as he already lives under the same roof as you, anways. his happiness would soon be diminished and grinded into dirty, pathetic, dust, though.

lucifer's eyes narrow as mammon's loud laughter bounces off the walls of the dining room. lucienne, your "boyfriend", had managed to crack the demon up with one of his silly stories about a strange elderly wizard that sold expensive medication made out of fairy wings that turned out to just be bedazzled dragon fly wings. he worked wonders with the avatar of greed, considering the fact that just a moment ago, mammon was cursing in jealousy and resentment as you sat with your newly introduced boyfriend.

luficer would've told mammon to shut up, but he feared saying something far more vulgar out of anger. the previous tension was already eased into a more domesticated athmosphere (credits to lucienne's charm and humor), lucifer didn't want to ruin dinner for his brothers, and especially not for you.

i mean, lucifer felt betrayed, he felt used and-- and played. how could you lead him on like this? but deep inside, he knew there was something else. he felt disappointed, he felt defeated, he felt crushed, he wished he'd done something sooner before this lucienne stole you away from him.

but anyways, back to the dinner party.

"you seem unusually quiet, lucy." asmo teases from across lucifer's seat. the phrase seems to capture everyone's attention, all eyes now on the grimacing and glaring lucifer.

"asmo's right, you haven't uttered a word since lucienne arrived, lucifer. is something wrong?" you chime in, causing lucifer to perk up. the thought of you worrying about his state sent sparks into his heart, but they were quick to disappear when lucienne asks him the same question.

"i'm fine." he replies to your concern, unable to hide the venom that strung on to his words. this only causes asmodeus to snicker, and leviathan to sink deeper into his seat. everyone else watches in concern as lucifer downs another glass of demom whiskey. you're about to ask him again, unsure about his reply, but he stops you before you could even form a word.

"i said i'm fine."

the air is tense, until eventually, mammon gasps out of nowhere. "don't tell me! lucifer is jealous!!~" he repeats in a sing song manner, only irking lucifer even further. no one else speaks up, the whole situation akward enough.

after a while, though, lucienne speaks up. he gestures at mammon, especially. hoping to stop the demon from escalating the situation. "hey mammon, wanna hear about that one time i accidentally professed my love for my eight grade math teacher?" mammon only settles back into his seat, ready for another laughing fit. the avatar of pride snaps at this, slamming his fists down the table before abruptly excusing himself with a "i have something to do."

he spares you one last glance. his heart aching with guilt from the way you had lowered your head in shame. lucifer didn't want to make you feel like he owned you, or that you weren't allowed to be with someone else... he just, he has enough reason to justify his anger right now and he really wants to dwell in it. he turns his head away from you, biting his lip to contain the guilt and pain that was threatening to seep out. he doesn't turn to look back as he walks away from the dining room in long and rushed strides.

lucifer walks down the dark hallways of lamentation, familiar with every nook and cranny the mansion had. he sighs in relief as his palm reaches out for a familiar door. it creaks as lucifer walks into his room, sounding just as glum as lucifer is.

he heads straight to his paperwork, silently hoping that they would provide him some sort of comfort. he tries to focus on anything but the thought of you or your unavailability, his mind barely processing any of the words that were printed out in front of him. he groans, his hands pulling on his jet black hair in frustration.

i mean, he should've expected this. lucienne was everything lucifer thought you would love. funny outgoing, caring, expressive, charismatic, a smooth talker and he looked at you with utmost respect and admiration. i mean, who in their right mind would choose old-schooled lucifer over the flawless lucienne?

you deserve lucienne and although lucifer thinks that no one in the three realms could ever deserve to call you theirs, he still thinks that lucienne is more deserving of you than lucifer could ever be. what were you doing to the poor demon? he was never one to admit defeat like this, and he especially wasn't the type of person that'd lower themself like this.

his rollercoaster of thoughts are interrupted by a gentle knock on the door. his ears already familiar with this particular knocking pattern. he can't help but straighten himself up, suddenly aware of the way his hair is all sprawled out. he slicks it down with saliva, muttering a small "enter" soon after he finshes checking on his appearance.

his mood lightens just a little bit at the sight of your face. as much as lucifer wants to hate you right now, he couldn't possibly feel that way towards you. never, not in a quadrillion light years.

you sit down in front of him, a genuine look of concern on your face. this makes lucifer visibly frown, catching you a bit off guard. "i wanted to talk to you about something, lucifer." his eyes grow curious and a bit hopeful, wishing it were about something that would distract him from the current situation or give him even the tiniest bit of closure.

"it's about lucienne." and once again, you manage to crush all his hope with only a few words. lucifer swears that if he hears that name one more time, he would personally shove your lovely boyfriend down the deepest depths of the underworld.

you watch his brows furrow and his fist tighten on his quill. lucifer looks far from happy to hear you talk about your significant other right now. "look, i know you'd rather not hear about lucienne again, but it's really really important and i want you to just hear me out. just this once, please?"

lucifer couldn't stand the pleading look you were giving him. your puppy eyes were a weapon that you used on him often, and they always managed to work. a tired sigh leaves his lips, if it meant getting it over with then he'd listen. "fine," he snaps, not before rubbing at his temple in obvious distress. he's said fine, but his body language told you otherwise.

"someone's kind of harassing lucienne at the moment. stalking him, giving him unwanted gifts and constantly professing their love for him when he's told them multiple times that it made him uncomfortable. they're an admirer of some sorts. i'm posing as lucienne's lover in hopes that they'd back off for a while, but i wanted to see if you and diavolo could do some actual help. it's worrisome, really. and it's been stressing lucienne out for the past couple of weeks. pretending to be his significant other is the most i can do for him, i hope you understand."

lucifer only freezes in shock, guilt washing over him all so suddenly. you call out for him, effectively snapping him out of his short daze. of course you'd offer to help lucienne out, you've always been a kind person. in lucifer's eyes, atleast. he coughs into his hand, avoiding eye contact with you as he degrades himself for his previous selfishness.

"of course, i'll do my best to make sure this harasser is punished. the school and i will ensure that lucienne won't be seeing this stalker anytime soon. just keep supporting him like this, i suppose. tell him he can sleep here for the night. thank you for informing me about this." you smile at lucifer's response, relief overwhelming your senses. if this meant that lucienne was finally going to be safe and unbothered, you were overjoyed.

you jump at lucifer, thanking him, all the while, squeezing the life out of him. his heart races impossibly fast at the gesture, and you can't help but smirk at the red that tainted his cheeks. "just so you know, i still like you. and only you, lucy."

his breath comes to a halt. he was no longer able to contain the butterflies that crowded his stomach; shock and well, pure bliss apparent on his face. "does this mean i can kiss you?"

"do anything as you please."

lucifer lunges at you. capturing your lips into a hungry and impatient kiss. his hands roam all over your torso, looking for anything he could hold onto. he settles for your waist and you drape your hands over his shoulders. heaven knows how long he's been waiting for this moment.

he manages to stumble through his room, leading you two to his bed. you part as he pushes you down to sit at the end of his king sized bed. he grins at the sight of you, disheveled and thirsty for more. the avatar of pride couldn't help but be excited for the faces you'll make in the unholy endeavors he's planning for you. he'll devour you, tear apart every innocent limb you have in your body. his imagination runs wild as he thinks of the many ways he'd mark you as his, exhibit you to the world and spread you wide open for his contenders to see. for them to know just how pathetic and needy lucifer could make you in an instant.

he bends down to kiss you again, pushing against your tounge with his own. he squeezes your thighs, digging his nails deep into the skin under the cloth still covering you. groans and grunts leave your lips as he countinues to caress your plush thighs.

as you two part, panting, a newfound possessiveness overtakes lucifer's eyes.

"you're mine."

[alastorseye]

About Remadora

When I say I really hate the HP fandom, I'm talking about the "fans" that hate everything about the saga, but still having Harry Potter accounts. They change the original story, claim that fanonical facts are canon, and launch hatred and death threats at those who simply like HARRY POTTER JUST THE WAY IT IS. Yes, I'm mostly talking about Marauders fans, which I joined after reading the books because I thought it would be interesting and funny. I suddenly realized how toxic and hateful that fandom was, it's like a cult dedicated to deifying Remus, Sirius, James and Regulus, and it seems that hating Snape, Dumbledore, and Remadora is a requirement to be a part of it.

At the beginning I used to consider Wolfstar as something funny, a bromance, it never bothered me, I mean... every fandom has fanon ships and I respect that, but the way they always hate Remadora and their shippers is something that MUST stop.

"You see!" said a strained voice. Tonks was glaring at Lupin. "She still wants to marry him, even though he's been bitten! She doesn't care!"

"It's different," said Lupin, barely moving his lips and looking suddenly tense. "Bill will not be a full werewolf. The cases are completely -"

"But I don't care either, I don't care!" said Tonks, seizing the front ofLupin's robes and shaking them. "I've told you a million times. . . ." And the meaning of Tonks's Patronus and her mouse-colored hair, and the reason she had come running to find Dumbledore when she had heard a rumor someone had been attacked by Greyback, all suddenly became clear to Harry; it had not been Sirius that Tonks had fallen in love with after all."

"And I've told you a million times," said Lupin, refusing to meet her eyes,staring at the floor, "that I am too old for you, too poor . . . too dangerous. . ."

When I read this part of the HBP I realized that Remadora was my favorite Harry Potter ship. Of course I wasn't aware of the death threats I'd receive later. I've read some "reasons" why some fans hate Remadora.

"Tonks forced him!"

We all know how insecure Remus was. I don't have to explain what's written in Wizarding World (Pottermore). This is the Remus bio:

Well, we can read that Remus was really attracted to Dora.

"Remus, so often melancholy and lonely, was first amused, then impressed, then seriously smitten by the young witch. He had never fallen in love before. If it had happened in peacetime, Remus would have simply taken himself off to a new place and a new job, so that he did not have to endure the pain of watching Tonks fall in love with a handsome, young wizard in the Auror office, which was what he expected to happen. However, this was war; they were both needed in the Order of the Phoenix, and nobody knew what the next day would bring. Remus felt justified in remaining exactly where he was, keeping his feelings to himself but secretly rejoicing every time somebody paired him with Tonks on some overnight mission".

This is so sad and cute, and that's undeniable. I cried when I read it. If someone still thinking that Dora forced Remus to marry her after reading this paragraph... I mean... they're probably talking about another book series.

"The age gap!"

I'm so satisfied to know that some Remadora shippers have explained this. When it's about a kid and an adult... OF COURSE IS HORRENDOUS! Because children are not physically and mentally prepared to have romantic relationships. Wizards are legally adults at 17, REMUS MET TONKS WHEN SHE WAS 21!

I mean, many old people abuses of young people innocence, or something. But we all know that Remus wasn't one of those! He really loved Tonks, and that's canon. I don't know what's doing in the fandom people who denies canon facts.

Remus and Tonks were two physically, mentally, and legally adults loving each other.

"Remus didn't love her!"

He was an introvert, Tonks was an extrovert, she made his life better. And of course, I loved the way he introduced himself when he was trying to prove he wasn't a Death Eater:

"I am Remus John Lupin, werewolf, sometimes known as Moony, one of the four creators of the Marauder's Map, married to Nymphadora, usually known as Tonks, and I taught you how to produce a Patronus, Harry, which takes the form of a stag." (Remus Lupin, DH)

Maybe I'm not the only one who perceive he was proud to be Nymphadora Tonks husband.

"I.. I made a grave mistake in marrying Tonks. I did it against my better judgment and have regretted it very much every since". (Remus Lupin, DH)

This phrase makes more sense after reading Remus bio. He used to think that he was "too poor, too dangerous" for her. He thought he wasn't enough for her. He never imagined that she would love him back. He was a werewolf, and of course he knew he was dangerous, you only need to be emphatic to realize he tried to get away from Tonks because he loved her, he didn't want to hurt his beloved woman!

If you don't believe me, read this again. It's in the chapter 11 of Deathly Hallows:

"Don't you understand what I've done to my wife and my unborn child? I should never have married her, I've made her an outcast!"

So, if Remus was trying to escape it's because he loved them, he thought he spoiled their lives. And of course, no one likes to feel that their influence is bad for someone they love!

"Their relationship came from nowhere! They don't have a development"

Well, the saga's name is HARRY POTTER, not The Love Life of Remus Lupin. The story is about the tragic life of this kid and everything he went through to save the world of a cruel and dark villain. I know many readers are young people in love, and they only want to ship everything, but that's not the main topic here, maybe mother's love would be the topic. Of course Ron and Hermione had a development because they were HARRY'S BEST FRIENDS, and they were always with him, from Philosopher's Stone to Cursed Child. Remus and Tonks are minor characters, and it's funny the fact that this usually comes from Wolfstar shippers, so... is Wolfstar more developed than Remadora?! I mean... they can ship whatever they want, Snape and the Sorting Hat, Dobby and Voldemort, anything, but that does not give them the right to disrespect such a cute, tragic and beautiful canon ship as Remadora.

"They are queercoded! Their relationship is homophobic!"

It's surprising to hear this. It's like... people gets angry just because the author doesn't make queer their favourite characters? I will explain why I don't think Remus and Tonks are "queercoded":

Whether through their dress, their behavior, their language, or other subtle forms of implication, queer characters were written or designed to communicate their unstated queerness to those who were searching for representation.

And this is the definition on the website Pride.com:

"Using LGBTQIA tropes and stereotypes to allude to a character's sexuality without explicitly confirming it in the text."

We all know that Disney used queercoding on characters like Ursula, Scar, Jaffar. And why do we know that? Because DISNEY WANTED TO PORTRAY THEM LIKE THAT, get it? Disney, THE CREATORS MADE THESE CHARACTERS INTENTIONALLY QUEER. How? BASED ON STEREOTYPES.

And going back to Remadora, I was really happy to see by first time a bada*ass woman, with short hair who wasn't portrayed as a lesbian just because the way she looks. This character didn't follow the: "Straight women have long hair and are girly", and "short dyied hair is for lesbians". I'm very very very surprised the fandom follows these stereotypes.

About Remus: I don't know how the phrase "being a werewolf is a metaphor about people with HIV AIDS" means "he's gay". Fenrir Greyback bit him when he was a kid. Many people interpret this as "r4pe". Okay, even thinking that it is the meaning of the "bite", I still cannot understand how being "r4ped" and "infected" makes him queer. Is this (again) a stereotype about people with AIDS and gay?

"JK Rowling created Remadora because she didn't like people shipping Wolfstar!"

It is true that fans love shipping everything, they queerbait and queercode everything. That's great, that's not the problem. The problem is when people starts bashing fans who ship canon straight couples. A very good example is the polemic on Falcon and Bucky relationship, some fans wanted them to be a gay couple, Anthony Mackie said that two men can only be friends, and there is no need to always give them a romantic connotation. People cancelled him, they called him homophobic. Yes, just because a person with authority (on the story they're following") didn't like the fact of queercoding their favourite characters. It's the same about Remadora.

Grindeldore is a very interesting and underrated couple by the way. You can love or hate JK Rowling, but the truth is that Harry Potter story is hers, and even if Remadora was "because she didn't like Wolfstar", she is the author, it was her mind where these characters first appeared, as a big Harry Potter fan I respect and like the original story, that's not a sin. An author has the right to make some changes if some characters were misunderstood by the readers.

(Yes, I wrote this a bit angrily since I've seen too much hate towards Remadora shippers)

[border-spam]

Leech Lord - Beginnings and regrets

The single least Seifa thing Seifa has ever done, is probably also the most actual Seifa thing she's ever done, and that's extremely Seifa of her.

It was going against every lesson survival had beaten into her so far in her life, and helping Tyreen instead of walking away all those years ago.

(Pre CoV)

Pandora is a terrible place.

The whole Galaxy is, Pandora just has a reputation that's honest about it.

The Edens, Athenas, Promethea, Tantalus, every city on every settled planet is built on a foundation of bones, nowhere's really safe or actually wants the humans that settled uninvited and ruined the neighborhood. Can't really expect an ecosystem to welcome you with open arms when you immediately start destroying it for profit, and life ain't easy anywhere. Nowhere is good. Nowhere is nice.

You can't live for long without finding out how dangerous "caring" is.

Small family units survive, yeah, clans scrabble out a living on rock plains and migrant space-rigs, but if you hold out a hand to a stranger in need you need to know the risks, need to really understand how likely it is that there's a knife behind their back and a couple of crosshairs already trained on you.

You have to be harsh, you have to be cruel. Everyone who makes it on the border planets knows the unwritten rules.

Unless you've the backing of a town militia or a hell of a lot of weaponry, you can't afford to risk your own safety for others - and Sei has walked past more people who gasped out a desperate plea for help with one of the few breaths they had left then she could ever, ever let herself acknowledge. Fuck man, everyone has. It's one of the sad truths of living at the knifepoint everyone balances on out here at the fringe.

...It's no different really on the corporate ones, the blades waiting to land in your back are just better dressed there.

So, when Seifa went to walk away from that filthy kid in the junkyard with the busted SMG and found herself stopping as the girl pleaded for medicine, that was beyond out of character.

That was weird. That was impossible to justify, and she lost plenty of nights to trying to do so after - long ones, with tears and far too much whiskey.

It's hard to think back on, how unsettling and stomach turning that first month had been. The whole thing feels like a blur, some grease smeared memory that's mostly lost to the desperately anxious conflict that was going on in her head the entire time. She can remember specific points, but they're half images half feeling, nerves and worry all tangled together into something she hates dwelling on.

She remembers the heat mirages swirling above the desert sands as Elpis set on the horizon, driving the girl out across the salt flats as Ty panicked and urged Sei to go faster, all while she was trying to explain to herself WHY she hadn't slapped this stranger out of her buggy and throttled in the opposite direction. What had gotten into her?

She doesn't remember anything that the kid had said as she was lead by her into that dark shack, still battling with why she wasn't turning around, why she was gingerly picking through debris to reach what looked like a hastily set up camp surrounded by rusting sheet metal and pieces that used to be the hovel - but she remembers the stink of fever sweat that wrinkled her nose and that sad mound of sharp angles heaped at the center by a burnt out fire pit, and the shock of realising it was a man when Tyreen had dropped to her knees and begged through sobs for him to keep breathing.

That she had "Found someone to help."

Recalls fighting back the equal disgust she felt with herself for helping carry the nothing he weighed out of that shithole, and for the fact he was still alive in this state. Covered in filth, blood, chunks of.. something, and reeking of puke and god knows what else. How she chewed at her lip till she tasted copper as the buggy engine rattled in complaint under them, flooring it when she knew the shoddy weld job on the left axle wasn't going to take this strain and would need another couple of hundred dollars she didn't have in repairs by the time she got these pathetic kids back to her ship - and she remembers wincing hours later at her empty medical cabinet after gutting it to keep the boy alive.

Saline stock sucked dry, bactum wasted, and she was saving those health kits for when she might need them...

It was a bad decision. It was a stupid decision, and she'd spent that first night when the girl had cried herself to sleep and he'd finally stabilised, sitting on the cold floor of her quarters with her back pressed against the repurposed mag-lock door, cradling her pistol in her lap as she gnawed at her nails.

They were Sirens.

Sirens.

Moron. Stupid fucking twat, If Boss found out, he'd kill her before these two could get the chance.

Helping them had been idiot move enough, had gone against every fiber of who she'd built herself into, but she couldn't have known. Tyreen had been covered in rags, and Troy's markings too dim and caked in muck to even see before they'd gotten him cleaned up and stable.

She hadn't known. She didn't know, nothing about Sirens anyway, just that you didn't fuck with 'em in the first place. Sirens were bad news, Sirens were the bane of Pandora in the last few years and everyone knew the stories. They were monsters who could turn you inside out or roast you alive without needing to point a gun first, and now she had two in her home with no defenses bar a shitty Jacobs she knew damn well she could barely aim, and hopefully enough faux confidence to seem in control of the situation.

That first night had been the worst.

The twins slept fine, Troy out cold and Ty having cried herself unconscious shortly after his heart beat had become something possible to confuse with normal if you squinted at the scan display from the right angle, but Sei didn't close her eyes once.

Sat awake all night in the clunking, humming, rattling silence of her home as she thumbed the revolver's cylinder slowly, considering how each click marked another second she'd left them both alive instead of doing the right thing and emptying a round into each of their skulls. Pandora would take care of the bodies and she'd fix a serious mistake she was walking straight into... but the suns rose in the end, and the twins were none the wiser about how close the decision had actually been.

It didn't really get better. The fear did, that passed over the next couple of days, but not the worry, not the regret. Two more mouths to feed when she only had the funds for herself? The girl was going to have to learn how to work. The cash she'd put aside was for her junker colony, not strangers, and the boy still couldn't even stand... and how were things going to pan out even if they so far didn't seem to be quite as monstrous as she'd been told so many times in no name dive bars in settler towns?

What if she took Tyreen out on a barter run and her markings got noticed? That mad corporate fuckwad Sexy George or fuckin whatever had just been running some reward scheme for Sirens, right? Would the lowbrows she dealt with on a daily basis here comprehend that wasn't a thing anymore, or would Sei be shanked and Ty abducted within hours of setting foot in a trade dock?

And him...

What the fuck was she going to do with him.

He wouldn't talk, wouldn’t even look at her, just some massive, gangly, awkward, nervous child that ghosted around the edge of her vision and scurried out of the room like a panicked Skag pup if she made the mistake of looking directly at him.

Sick still, even if he was trying to stay in his crew cubby for less every day, the one she'd told him was his and still had not a word of thanks for yet. Shaky, delicate, and in no physical condition to be able to help around the ship yet alone have a chance of bringing in some extra dollars, even if he hadn't been missing such a huge chunk of himself. Pity wasn't going to keep him fed, and she was pissed with herself for feeling it for him in the first place.

She figured that's what had done it really... them being siblings.

That raw desperation in Tyreen's voice as she'd begged Seifa to help when she'd turned to walk away. That her brother was so sick and she didn't know what to do. Siblings gut punched her in ways she knew were a weakness out here. The twin thing? That had just cemented it really. Helping wasn't in Seifa's nature, but leaving kids to die wasn't in her bones.

Still, she'd make it work, she always did. They'd survive, and she'd come out of this in profit one way or another, that was as sure as an Athenian monk lowballing an offer.

She'd train the girl up and run some deals with her, cover the costs of helping them out with a tidy margin for herself - then she'd leave 'em with the tools to survive, a couple of hundred bucks to get started and never have to see them again.

She'd be fine. She was always fine.

That's very Seifa of her.

Asks are Open!

[sometime-in-1995]

You're telling me, Seungho's been drinking all night racking his brain analyzing this strange and yet so poignant feelings he has for Nakyum while Nakyum was sleeping? Like, he just sat there, drank all the leftover alcohols and probably inhaled all the leftover opiums? He obviously didn't know how to deal or what to do with his feelings. He's like in panic and yet just stands there doing whatnot.

Nakyum literally just woke up after a circus of a night and the first thing he sees is Seungho being defeated by his feelings, drunk and dazed. And the first thing he hears is Seungho confessing all the the truths he has tried to suppress.

I really didn't expect that we'd actually get Seungho to confess all his frustrations and worries in this week's chapter update. I'm literally baffled and at awe. We barely or even never get to see or hear his emotions out and loud in the open. As a reader, I personally didn't know how to deal with him being open. I literally had to pause every after each panel to hold my chest because it's aching or cover my mouth 'coz hearing him say those words is too surreal.

Fucking Deokjae! 😡 I know you're dead but I'm still cursing you for twisting my precious Nakyum's hand! 😭💔 If his wrist won't work like it used to be and deter his painting, Imma dig your grave and kill you again 😭

My precious son, please, go get that hand treated. I'm so worried 😭💔

None of us know what Seungho went through yet for him to turn out the way he is right now and for him to even think of committing murder & suicide. Although whatever happened to him is still not a valid reason to justify what he did to Nakyum, I wasn't ready to hear that coming from him. It's like a scream for help. He's been desperately trying to kill the bugging feeling inside by living in debauchery but still to no avail. Maybe, if there's anything I feel for him, it's pity. I feel like hugging him last night while reading. Dammit, I'm such a sucker for men like Seungho 🤦

The great and mighty Yoon Seungho could actually fall ill, huh. Dude, how can you look so fuckin' hot even when you're sick? You'd expect him to be okay with everything that's happening but we also don't know and understand the mental toll that this turmoil is causing him. The confusion and the frustration he has with having Nakyum around made him recall all the ugly past he've tried to bury by living in debauchery which probably gave him the feeling of superficial freedom and temporary peace.

The thing is, even Seungho is also denying himself of loving and being loved. If there's anything Seungho & Nakyum has in common, it's self-denial.

Nakyum isn't even mad anymore despite of what they did to him, despite of what he've gone through especially that night. He just no longer have the energy to fight back anymore as if he've given up and surrendered all the authority and consent he has for his own body. He's not mad nor cursing Deokjae for twisting his hand. He just sat there feeling the pain.

He's not mad that Seungho dragged him to that room, and yet he knows that Seungho shouldn't have done that. He knows that this is not how love should be like, this is not how he should be treated if it's love that Seungho feels. And yet he kept telling himself that it isn't true, he kept denying himself, his worth. At the same time, Nakyum asking the sleeping and sick Seungho if he has feelings for him has a tinge of hope. When Seungho nodded and instinctively and unconsciously rubbed is cheeks into Nakyum's hand, it seemed and felt like an unexpected answer which flustered Nakyum.

Seungho told himself that he'll only let his body lead, that they don't have to share what's on their mind. It is true, in the middle of his illness and slumber, his body instinctively responded to Nakyum. Nakyum has so much questions and probably Seungho partially confessing to him made things somehow clearer than it did just last night but he isn't the type to just assume things for his own convenience, not after what he experienced with Inhun.

Seungho mentioning the word 'love' is even inconceivable to me. He might not have said it directly but he've implied his jealousy over Inhun. He's jealous as fuck.

He just wants Nakyum to look at him like the way he looks at Inhun. And it hurts him that he doesn't even after Inhun went away for the Civil Service Exam. What's worse is that he doesn't understand why he's feeling that way when he only brought Nakyum to his residence to be his new plaything. He probably didn't even realize it himself how much he has changed ever since he brought Nakyum into his life not until Min pointed it out to his face. So he tried to resort to his old habits, his old lifestyle, thinking that it'd make things go back to how it used to be and probably it'd also make him feel this superficial freedom and temporary peace once again just like it did before. That one week he tried so hard to avoid Nakyum was to 'save' himself but he ended up ruining his health. He've always been the kind of guy who tries to deal with circumstances all by himself, that he grew so overprotective building those high walls so no one could get in and hurt him. And yet, here comes Nakyum who is unconsciously shaking his walls. Who is as clueless as him. They're both like two little toddlers lost in the dark. Don't know how to articulate what they feel, don't know where to hold to steady there steps towards each other and ended up stumblin' on their way.

Chapter 55 is such a big step into Seungho & Nakyum's development with Seungho opening up about his feelings. The way he did it is still so hazy but still made a bit of release and relief. I just didn't like how Nakyum didn't even have the time and luxury to deal with his own pain but to cater immediately to Seungho's as soon as he woke up from that night. *sigh* When will my precious son see the light of the day for him?

[nish-with-no-niche]

When No One's Around...

Chartered accountant!Jaebeom x Software engineer!Reader

Summary :

Ever wonder how much alcohol tolerance can Jaebeom have for you? Read till the end to find out ;)

Warning :

1) This chapter.....is a long ass ride.

2) I know some people prefer using their name, but I only realised it later that instead of (Y/N) I accidentally gave reader-nim a name, i.e, Yeseul. So kindly bear with me as it's my first time writing a 2nd person perspective and just imagine your own name in its place. Thankyou and.....enjoy!

▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎▪︎

You finally had finished your board meeting and were heading out of the office building with your co-workers to retire to your humble abode.

"It's 7:37 pm ladies and gentlemen, and we are finally free for the night.", said Sarah, one of your close colleagues.

"Aaaand we're leaving 2 hours later than the designated office hours. This is over time!", exclaimed Kyunghwan, your senior, and sales manager. It was totally unusual but justified for everyone to feel this way. After such a heated discussion about the proposals everyone was exhausted and acted dramatically. Even though they were your seniors, almost everybody still treated each other without the honorifics outside of work; albeit they could seem eccentric given the time and place. You yourself had experienced it first hand and maybe tonight had just a little bit more in store for you.

" Everyone, I totally understand how you must feel.....", stated Mr. Yoon-ho, the team director. "We, are not getting paid enough. Let's go to a restaurant and give ourselves a well deserved treat. The person who is wearing blue today will be the ones to pay up!", came his suggestion.

Hearing his sudden offer, each person constituting the 8 people group cheered and hooted but started checking their dress colours as the realization hit in. 'Oh thank god, I'm wearing anything but blue today' , everyone thought simultaneously.

However everyone's eyes landed on you as you were the only one wearing a turquoise blue ruffle shirt with beige coloured cigarette pants. And everybody knew exactly where that suggestion in the director's mind had come up.

' Oh lord, it's Yeseul again.'

Firstly, Yoon-ho was a huge-ass spend-thrift. Even if he knows he wont eat or use something, he would still spend money on it. Especially when it's someone else's money.

And secondly, he despised you. You and your intelligence. And the fact that you were humble made it even worse for him.

Atleast one can hate on arrogant people for their arrogance. As for humble people, we can't even hate them for anything, much less like. Tch.

Sarah, concerned for you asked if you were okay with that. Not that you really had a choice in the first place.

But you had stopped listening-in to their conversation, midway. Because your eyes were solely fixated on this unexpected visitor, standing right across the road, leaning against his car and looking right at you.

Im Jaebeom, your soon-to-be fiancè, in all his glory was right in front of you and you had no idea what he was doing there.

"Sarah, I'll see you later."

Coming to your senses after 3.57 seconds, you waved back at him and quickly crossed the road to reach him.

" Yeseul, hey" started Jaebeom.

"Uh, hi! I didn't know you were here. How have you been?", unsure, you asked him.

"I've been good. I got off work early today so I decided to pick you up like a responsible boyfriend", smirked Jaebeom.

He had his hands in his pant pockets the whole time, was wearing a suit with his hair gelled up and looked like the epitome of a perfectly successful banker.

"How long had you been waiting?", you questioned. "Not too long, about 20 minutes? .... Yeah. Don't worry though, I was busy on my phone." He lied. He knew you'd feel even worse about the truth because in reality he had been waiting for you since two hours thirty-seven minutes and sixteen seconds.

But even then you insisted, " Now this makes me look really bad. You didn't have to come all the way here. Why didn't you call me?"

"I wanted to be here", he replied cheekily and pat your head. "And it was a good surprise, wasn't it?"

(Sighing) "what if I already went home or I was staying in late?"

"Well then lets just say I got lucky" he smiled.

You were about to say something further, but he cut you in, " By the way, your...... colleagues, they seem... expectant?" Looking back at them you see them all wide-eyed and smiley-faces as if they just didn't come out of an exhausting office day. Realizing their expressions , you turned and asked Jaebeom, " oh, um, Jaebeom-shi, you're not too tired, right? Have you eaten something?"

"No, not really, why?"

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" HA, HA, HA, HA, HA! WHAT A NIGHT MAN, WHOO!!" roared a drunk Mr. Yoon. "Wow, Yeseul, you have such a nice boyfriend, he's a keeper, hahahaha. Everyone! say, 'THANKYOU IM JAEBEOM-SSI!'.

Bashfully, everyone complied, giving you sorry smiles and yet enjoying the food and drinks in front of them as if it was their first time eating.

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Since the time the talks of you about to being engaged rounded up in the halls of your office, everybody had been eager and curious to meet this Mr. Perfect who they had only seen in photos. Everyday not only the women but also your male coworkers would come over at your desk asking you to set up a get together with him.

They all wanted to know who this mysterious person was, taking a liking for someone as stoic as you. They never imagined you being in a relationship with anyone- always holding the title of 'Fashion Femme Fatale'.

So now here you were- with Jaebeom- and a gang of 8 people who were doing nothing but wasting Jaebeom's hard earned money.

Yes, he offered to pay up in your stead.

Ah! So chic!

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You were getting really uncomfortable because you felt bad for Jaebeom who was nothing but sweet to everyone all this time. You were barely starting off in a relationship and now he had to witness all of ....... this.

You wanted to just take your bag and run away with him.

"Hmm, Yeseul , how long has it been since you guys started dating?" Asked Yoon-ho.

Huh?

" uh, it's been about...... 2 months?" you replied looking at Jaebeom for confirmation. After getting his nod of approval you continued, "why do you ask though, sunbae-nim?"

"Ah! I didn't get to congratulate you. First of all....... let me pour you a drink!"

"What, out of nowhere?"you retaliated.

"Ahem! I'm your superior."he countered. "You didn't even touch anything yet, Drink~ bottoms up~~".

In the midst of his coercions, you contemplated- 'Why... do I get intimidated by Yoon-ho ssi? .... Soju's too strong ...... Jaebeom won't be able to drive if he drinks it.... house is far tooo. *sighs* it's over for me if I get drunk and act like an idiot in front of them.... hhnnngg. But if I refuse, the mood will get cold.... last time I was fine for the first few drinks, right?-"

"Give it to me."interceded Jaebeom.

"Huh?"

Turning towards the crowd, he stated, "Yeseul's bad with alcohol. I'll drink for her."

"Ooo~ hahahaha~~"

"playing the knight for your girlfriend ? ~~ "

"so cool!! Whoa~"

Sighing you looked at him, starting to get a little worried. But suddenly everyone chimed in- "still! We're not satisfied with one drink!"

"Let's get Yeseul-ah drunk~!"

"Me too!"

"You cant resist our drink! We're your superiors!"

"Aah~ now, let's not push her too hard. Take it slow. Slow~" said Yoon-ho, giving you his ever so sweet smile.

'It is you I hate the most!' You thought.

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"Aah~ Jaebeom-ssi drank them all"

"~Food is great here!"

"Heard this is the hidden place for gourmets."

After a while things seemed to settle down, your thoughts again wandered towards Jaebeom-

'He keeps on tapping his fingers and feet.... all the while maintaining his smile. I wonder if he's getting bothered by them..... ' -

"Hey~ she cant take her eyes off her BOYFRIEND!" chirped Yujin( colleague, same age as you). Following suit everyone got started off- "He's good looking right?" " you didn't even glance at the others ~" "what ? No, when did I.. " you tried to defend yourself. Sarah who was sitting next to you all this time whispered, "don't take them too seriously 'seul- ah, they're only teasing you, and you know everyone is as good as drunk."

Suddenly Kyunghwan, who was sitting opposite to you, waiting for the right opportunity slipped in~ " You can take mild Brandy right?"

"Ah yes, I can"

"NO." Jaebeom interceded. Again.

He took the glass from his hand and drank it.

"Aish intercepting it all, gosh!"he exclaimed.

But leaving no stone unturned, he kept pressing, "hey! You guys are a couple, atleast show us a kiss!" And everyone started hooted demanding such a public display of affection.

Hearing this, your ears flared up, " oof, what's with you all? Dont you think it's too much? ..... please stop it already. I dont really want to do it. ........Why do we have to do it in front of you?"

Now this... was just too much. Right when you were about to give them a piece of your mind-

"Okay."Jaebeom announced.

" ...... "

" ....... "

" ....... "

What.

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The truth is that both of you had never really kissed before, the closest form of affection you were able to showcase for now was simply a hug, that too only when you were alone. You had no idea what went through his mind when he agreed to everyone's plea. Was he finally drunk? You had never seen him drunk before, all though a few of his friends that you had met told you he had a strong temperance. Maybe this was okay for him?.... Did he probably hear it wrong? Not being able to make head or tail of the situation you questioned him, "Jaebeom-"

"You....... and you." Cutting you off, said person pointed at Kyunghwan and then at Yujin.

"If you two do it, we'll do it too. In fact, it doesn't matter if any other two do it either." explained Jaebeom with a smile.

And then you realised what he was actually doing.

"Don't want to, right?..... I stink of alcohol and 'seul said she doesn't want it. Moreover, it won't look good, if a lady's colleagues at work would act like this, much less her seniors."

"Uh. . . . " a flustered Yujin tried to speak.

" Well I wasn't going to force her to do that" resigned Kyunghwan with a pout.

"Yeah let's just forget about it, okay guys? ", Sarah spoke.

"Wow~ get married already Yeseul, reqally" Said Yoon-ho.

"Such a perfect couple. Tch" mumbled Yujin.

However, when everyone went back to their own, Kyunghwan caught Jaebeom giving him a side glance with a poker face who then turned to look at you. Even though such a gesture unnerved him, the alcohol immediately brushed off that feeling.

You on the other hand were getting more and more worried about Jaebeom, you lost count of how many glasses he must've had on your account, and tried one more time to check up on him- " are you alright? You've been really drinking a lot." But he only gave you a smile in return.

(Sighing) 'He drank way too mu-' *plop*

His head suddenly on your shoulder now, he spoke, " I want to rest."

Looking at you Sarah whispered," He must be tired, you should go home now, don't worry, I'll take care of it here."

"Okay. Jaebeom-ssi ....... Jaebeom? Let's go home now, ok?" You asked.

"Seul."

"Yes?"

"My head aches."

"What? Headache?"

"Its too noisy here..... my head aches.....". Alarmed by this sight you wondered ' 'why's he like this ? Since the start he seemed a bit off. Is his head hurting from being drunk? This was such a bad idea."

You see him gently lift his head up and stare at his hands. Or the table. Or the plate? You see jaebeom blink.

"..."

And he blinked again.

'Ohmygod,he's definitely drunk.'

" uhh, hey- let's go get some fresh air, okay?" You asked holding him by the shoulders. You never witnessed something like this before. But he just stared at you.

'Answer me already.' You thought. Helping him stand up you took your bag, "okay, Sarah, we'll be leaving now, I'll catch you tomorrow, take care!"

"Yeah, you too, goodnight~" returned Sarah.

Once outside you tried to remember where the car was, since the restaurant didn't have a parking lot. You walked a few meters and then stopped. Due to him leaning on you, your back and neck hurt a little, so you decided to sit on the nearby bench. 'Ah, I'm out of strength.'

You both just sat next to each other like that for a while and then you asked him where the car was kept.

But he just smiled at you.

Heaving a sigh, you stood up and started searching around. "Just sit here, and dont move Jaebeom- ssi, I'll be right back." He saw your retreating figure as you left.

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After about 10 min you find the car at the backside of the building and return to where Jaebeon was.

"I found the car, give me the keys and I'll drop you off home" you said.

"Yeseul."

"Yes?"

He smiled. Again.

"Seems like you won't get up for a while." So you sat down. Did he even listen to a word you said? And no sooner than you did, he reached his hand out to touch your face, whereas you instinctively moved back. He paused for a moment, mid air, and then touched your cheek. "You look tired", he said thoughtfully.

Well he wasn't completely wrong.

He let his head drop on your shoulder, and again with the same sweet, mellow voice recited you name," Ye.seul.ah."

"Yes, yes I hear you." You laughed.

"I should've just left with you after work was over rather than come here. Everyone just wanted to meet you so bad. I'm sorry."

" . . . "

"Plus I didn't want you to pay for those guys." You confessed.

"Pay?", queried Jaebeom. "seeing how they sat and behaved with you , it's obvious that they were trying to leech off." He finally spoke.

" Yeseul, I want you to be very cautious and smart about who you associate yourself with in that work place and any where else. I won't always be around you, so you must be wary of people like Kyunghwan. Got it?" And then he lifted his head up to stare straight ahead.

So that's what was bothering him.

Trying to lift the strange tense atmosphere you spoke in childish wonder, "how dare they think of you as a pushover! In fact, why did you even drink whatever came my way, I could've handled-"

"What would you have done?" Cut in Jabeom.

You fell silent.

"Those two men and that woman, those three were your seniors. And anyone could notice how they exploited their position. I understood you couldn't do much from where you stand", he reprimanded you.

After a pause he continued, now in a smaller voice- "I dont think I can drive, how will you get back home?"

" Well thanx to a certain someone, I'm completely sober. So I'll drive your car to your house and drop you off. Then I'll take a cab to mine."

" 'seul?"

"Hmm?"

"You like me right?"

"Huh", you sat up straight, taken off guard by his question.

"You're sincere to me right? Whatever I do, I have always been sincere towards you."

Suddenly flustered by this uncharacteristic side of him you just tried to avoid his question, staring straight ahead.

"Just give me the car keys, let's go home now..." you said in a daze.

'Its definitely the alcohol in his brain.'

"Yeseul!"

"Ah, yes-"

chu!~~

"Wha..."

Chu!~~~

Jaebeom kissed you.

And the realization hit in.

Huh.

Huh???!!

" #$%@&**?! Jaebeom-!!! "

" ? "

"What are you ?! Why did you?!-"

"Hm? What? No one's around."

And he kissed you again. This time properly. Making you feel nothing like ever before.

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Sadly, he ended up passing-out right after and you drove him back to his house, aided the house-helper lay him on bed, took a cab, went back to your home, changed into your night clothes, slipped in your bed and you laughed. You laughed until sleep graced you with her presence.

Except she never came.You were awake the whole night, rewinding and playing the scene again and again with the thought that would nag any other girl in your shoes- 'How do I see him after tonight! '.

Adjshklllajsldgddhddfffff !!!!!!

Eeeek!

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That's the end readers! I hope you enjoyed it my very precious people. If you did then do like and comment. Feedbacks are highly appreciated 🤧🤧

And I wish for your good health in such times and hopefully I was able to help make this quarantine maybe a little more bearable for you. Thanx for reading and dont forget- You Da Best!!!

[jamkookies]

° Bon Voyage °

• Part X •

Bad Influence

~

You'd held him like a child.

He hadn't been able to say anything else, the unspoken words threatening to break him down.

So you had held him, swallowing back your tears for his sake and rocking him back and forth.

You hadn't pushed him to talk any further, scared of making him relive the experience all over again.

Some moments later, the nurses had come into the room and urged him to use the wheelchair and he had never left your eyes for a second, even when the door closed behind him.

You were now left with a feeling of emptiness that no other person could fill.

You just couldn't wrap your head around the fact that he had killed a person for you.

A despicable, evil, but living person nonetheless.

Just how far could Jungkook go for your sake? you thought.

"I hope you're feeling better by now."

You turn your head to the side and see Manager Sejin sitting on the same chair.

You hadn't even noticed him, too absorbed into the swirling vortex of thoughts in your mind.

There's a smile on his lips but it doesn't quite reach his eyes.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

"Good. Then we can continue."

He pulls his chair close to your bed and props his elbows on his knees.

"You do realize you have caused us a lot of trouble, right?" he begins.

You fail to look him in the eye as the embarrassment of recent events causes heat to rise in your face.

"I know and I am really sorry."

"Just being sorry isn't enough, though. I would've let you off the hook if you had brought these things only to yourself but the problem is, you haven't.

You've made the other members get caught up into your situations."

As you slowly raise your head, you notice that this isn't just a normal scolding session. Sejin wasn't gonna let this go with just a couple of warnings.

The guy was serious about this and you had to admit, he was right.

Jungkook had had to kill someone because of you.

You wished you had died instead.

"First, I get notified by the bodyguards that you had thrown a tantrum at the beach, unnecessarily looking for Jimin when he was safe and sound just a little further. Then, you get drunk as a skunk, making us delete all the footage ,and let's not even mention the childish swearing and cussing."

You open your mouth to say something, but no words come out.

What could you possibly tell him?

He was right about everything.

"Did you know what Jungkook had to do? He said that when the man came back, he tried to kidnap you again. While they were brawling, Jungkook had

grabbed a rock and smashed it into his skull."

You stare at him, mouth agape.

Jungkook...

"He was in a state of shock because of what he'd done, but he managed to pull himself together for you. And you don't even know what he went through because you've been unconscious for two days".

He sighs and lowers his tone a little bit, trying not to get too carried away.

"I know that not everything that happened is your fault. Jungkook said he was the one who pushed you to go out of the bodyguards' sight, but that doesn't justify your actions.

You should realize that the boys, especially Jungkook, tend to be more reckless when they're around you. I don't know if it is to prove you something or just because they want to."

He glares at you with daggers shooting from his eyes.

"I also noticed that you've become rather close with him."

You duck your head again in shame. He had almost caught you red-handed a while ago.

"Listen, Y/N. I'm going to be honest with you. You're really good at your job. You can sing, dance and perform perfectly, but you're no good for the boys.

You're a bad influence."

There they were.

The words you had been expecting.

You'd figured out that it was a matter of time before he'd say them.

You muster up the courage to raise your head as a final act of maintaining your dignity.

There's no emotion in your words - no hate, no hard feelings. Just pure professionalism.

"I'm really sorry about everything. I'll pack up my bags as soon as they remove my bandages."

He nods once and you can't help but almost cringe at his sigh of obvious satisfaction.

"It was nice knowing you, Y/N-ssi." he says and offers a hand for you to shake on.

You extend yours and fight the urge to squeeze it harder than you have to.

He rises from his seat and leaves the room.

You felt like someone had ripped a chunk from your heart and shredded it to pieces.

No more concerts, no more shows, no more shooting, no more fun time spending with the boys.

No more family.

It was time for you to leave the group.

* * *

"So, what was so urgent that you called all of us here?"

You're stalling for time, not knowing how to say it to them, and Namjoon wasn't making it any easier with those pretty eyes of his boring into you.

"I have been thinking a lot lately." you say. "And I've noticed that there are so many things that I have to fix."

"Like what?" Jin asks.

"My life. It's pretty much in shambles right now."

"Uh-oh, I think the nurses must have put something into her medicine." Taehyung says.

"I'm not joking, hyung. This is serious."

"Is this because of the accident? We thought you'd gotten over it by now." Jimin approaches you with worried eyes.

"It's not just that. Everything I've done has gone for the worse and I don't feel well."

"Is there something bothering you? Are you sick?"

"No, I just-"

"What exactly are you trying to say?" Namjoon insists.

"I'm saying that I need to take a break."

"For how long?" Yoongi asks.

"Forever."

"What?!" Taehyung exclaims.

The others echo him and you're left with their constant buzzing into your ears, words that you can't discern.

"What do you mean by forever? Is this some kind of joke?"

You say nothing.

"Y/N, we know you feel bad about what Jungkook did but it was not your fault."

Jimin looks at you sympathetically and you almost drop your guard, almost tell him that it was not your choice, that you had to do this because of them.

You'd realized they wouldn't let you go if you told them the truth so you had to improvise. Let them think you were leaving the group to satisfy your own ego. Be selfish for once.

It was the only way they could carry on without you.

"I know that, hyung. But I don't feel like doing this anymore. I think I'm gonna do things on my own from now on."

Hurt flashes in his eyes and you can feel your heart being shattered into a million pieces.

"You wanna go solo?" Jin asks.

You still say nothing.

"But we've been together for so long." Taehyung pleads.

They look at you expectantly, begging for you to at least show some emotion, except for Namjoon, who can't seem to take his distrustful eyes off of you.

Damn him and his 148 IQ.

You muster up the courage as you try to keep your voice from shaking.

"It's time I leave the group."

"You what?!"

You snap your head towards the voice and you suddenly wish for the floor to split open and swallow you whole.

Jungkook is standing on the doorway, flabbergasted at your declaration.

He closes the distance in three long strides, instantly at the side of the bed.

For a moment you forget about everything and almost cry in relief at his improvement. There was still a hint of limping but he was walking just fine.

"Tell me this is a joke."

"I..."

"Y/N."

"I'm not joking."

It's like all of his face loses its pigment, and he just stares at you, speechless.

Then, two droplets of tears slide from his cheeks to his chin.

You'd never seen him cry since debuting.

"After all we got through, you're giving up now? You wanna chase after your dreams? Huh? Is that what you wanna do?"

"Jungkook, please..."

"Why now? Why now out of all times?" His voice cracks and it's the most heartbreaking sound you've ever heard.

You can't do this anymore.

You have to get out, get away before the truth spills from your lips.

On the verge of tears, you rip the blanket off of you and start clawing at the tubes attached to your arms.

"Y/N, what are you doing - " you hear the others say, but you can't stop.

Out.

You had to get out.

Jungkook grips you by your forearm with pleading eyes but you shake him off.

Out.

"Are you okay?"

"Y/N, I'll call the nurses-"

"Just let her go". Namjoon's voice.

In nothing but your hospital gown, you make your way out of the room.

* * *

The continuous chirping of the birds doesn't do anything to calm the raging storm of emotions in you. You felt conflicted, having to choose between playing the bad guy and being truthful.

You hated it with all your might but there was nothing else you could do.

It had come to this.

"Int tajjeb?" the nurse asks you in Maltese.

"Iva. Grazzi."

At least the week spent here had proven to be worthy of something.

You'd managed to learn some basic phrases and you could understand that she had just told you if you were okay now.

The nurse offers you a smile and scuttles away, tending to another patient.

You take a deep breath of the crispy air and let it sink in.

The bench you were sitting on and your lack of undergarment beneath the gown didn't do anything to shield you from the cold breeze.

Oh, how you wished you could let everything go to hell.

You were sick and tired of it.

What were you gonna do from now on?

Where were you gonna go?

Just go back to your parents in shame, with not a single decent excuse to why you had left?

Absolutely not.

You feel a jacket being thrown around your shoulders and you lift your eyes to see Hoseok's head above you, wearing an apologetic smile.

"Thanks." you barely a whisper.

He takes a seat next to you and stares ahead.

"You know, I've only seen Jungkook cry before we debuted." he says in a low, cautious voice. "I was going through a lot and I decided to leave the group. The kid started bawling his eyes out. I don't think he ever cried like that for his parents."

You nod, remembering all too well the exact look on his face when Hoseok had claimed his farewell.

He turns his head now, looking at you dead in the eye.

"Jungkook loves you, Y/N. We all know that."

You almost choke by the straight-forwardness of his words

"And I know you're not really interested in starting a solo career. You think we're dumb?"

"But I-"

He stops you with a palm raised in front of him.

"I don't want to hear it. But just know,

Y/N, that Jungkook doesn't deserve to experience this for the second time."

You gulp harshly and the sting of your next lie makes your throat hurt.

"Well, then tell Jungkook that I also have a life to live."

It was over.

You were never gonna go back to how it was before.

The words had been said and the damage had been made.

All of it intentionally.

If he wasn't gonna fall for your previous lies, then he would definitely buy this.

He doesn't say anything but the shock is quite visible on his face.

He nods once and leaves without looking back.

The jacket slips from your shoulders and along with it, the fake mask of your pretention.

* * *

The heavy suitcase weighs you down and it's all you can do not to scrape it on the floor.

Clad in new, comfortable clothes you make your way towards the room with the number 215 on it.

You can't get rid of the nervousness that has taken hold of you, no matter how hard you try.

With shaking hands, you put the suitcase on the ground and crack the door open, careful not to make a sound.

He's laying on his back, wrapped up in the blankets, eyes closed.

You grimace, trying to hold in the whimper that rises in your throat.

Feet light as a cat, you approach the bed, obviously too small for him as his legs were sticking out of the frame.

If only you knew how much I love you.

If only you knew how I wish we could stay like this forever.

You bend down and press a feather-light kiss on his forehead.

The last time you'll ever look at him like this, drinking him in, savoring the feeling of his image behind your eyelids.

He was gonna hate you with all his might, you knew that.

You knew it and you still did what you had to do.

As long as he is safe.

As long as they are safe.

You take backwards steps and close the door behind you, your heart now a shattered mess.