#but it's kind of nice to feel that commonality

[kokoch4n3l]

ˏˋ main yahaan hoon ࿐ྂ "I'm in the lights of your eyes, you see me wherever you look"

summary: in which you meet Sano Manjiro a month before your wedding and fall in love. you didn't realize you fell in love with him till the pre-wedding rituals began.

pairing(s): bonten!mikey x desi!reader

notes: title translates to 'I'm here'. a purely self-indulgent fic based on Veer-Zaara(2004)'s song Main Yahaan Hoon if Veer was a gang leader and was actually at the wedding instead of Zaara hallucinating him. line dividers by rookthornesartistry heart divider by cafekitsune

warnings: infidelity, cheating, arranged marriages, implied emotionally absent parents, emotional blackmail, suggestive themes, implied oral(f), manjiro carries reader, slightly open ending

word count: 5690

Your father was a politician, businessman and just well very rich. You’re his only daughter so he spoils you rotten. Giving you all the things you can ever want. He was a good man, your mother a great person too. However, it wasn’t a very emotionally fulfilling relationship. You were okay with it though. Jewels and clothes sated the ache in your heart even if it was temporary. You got engaged almost as soon as you turned of age. The man was just a little bit older and also a politician like your father. Arranged marriages were common in your culture and you had never dated before anyway. It’s about a month before the wedding you meet Sano Manjiro. You aren’t sure what he does but he’s also really rich like your father. He has a few close business associates and they all have matching full moon hanafuda tattoos. Sanzu Haruchiyo let you trace his tattoo for some reason after seeing your fascination with it. 

Bonten were business associates of your father. You weren’t sure exactly for what but you also couldn't care less. They were all pretty fun people. You made them watch Bollywood movies with you and do a whole bunch of other things and they did it without any complaint and seemed to enjoy it as well. They were all cool and then there was Sano Manjiro… 

Sano Manjiro was different from the rest. He had a quiet intensity about him, a presence that demanded attention without a single word. You noticed his eyes first—dark, deep, and endlessly contemplative. He was always observing, absorbing everything around him with a sharp, discerning gaze. Despite his quiet demeanour, there was something undeniably magnetic about him. At first, you thought he wouldn’t be putting up with your childish games but he proved you wrong. When you called him a stupid idiot he didn’t get mad but instead, he smiled. He was amused. For some reason, it surprised you because he didn’t seem like the type to smile or just show any kind of emotion in general. 

Your father, of course, invites them all to your wedding. It was all fine but you don’t want to marry your fiancé. He was nice at first but there was something about him that put you off. You didn’t like that man. You sit in your father’s office in your engagement outfit while music echoes from the bottom floor of the mansion to the top. A white lengha with intricate embroidery adorns your figure with a full-sleeve blouse along with a diamond necklace gifted by your future mother-in-law and a matching tikka in the same style resting in the center of your forehead. Your dupatta is draped over your head and right now it feels too heavy. Although you and your fiancé were already engaged, your mother-in-law insisted on having a flashy ceremony to kick start the wedding week.  “You’re my only child… Hence, I’ve pampered you and given you freedom” Your father says, his hands clasped behind his back and using his businessman voice “I haven’t raised you like a girl but like a boy”

There is a lump in your throat. You know if you speak you’ll cry. Your father walks toward you. “Usually the mother has to explain to her daughters about her duties. But since I think of you as my son, I’ll explain your duties to you”

You look up at him. You’re sitting in his chair the same way you would when you were a child. But unlike back then, your bare feet press flat against the hardwood floor. “You already know that your grandfather was a respected politician. But he died a few days before he could attain success. Since that day, as his heir, I’ve been trying to take his party to great heights but I’ve been unsuccessful so far” He says and you know already what he will say next “But with the help of your finacé’s father, I can attain that success”

You don’t feel too good. The lump in your throat gets bigger and you desperately try to swallow it. Your father turns your back to you, staring at your family picture. “Soon you’ll get married into their family. It’s your duty…” He pauses and turns to look at you again “...to understand the importance of this relationship. Spread happiness, whether the times are good or bad and strengthen the bond of every relationship and to protect the honour of both families at all costs. A small mistake or a bit of carelessness from your end could ruin everything… I hope you understand what I’m trying to say.”

He knows, he knows, he knows. Your father had a feeling you no longer wished to marry the man you were betrothed to. You swallow the lump in your throat and whisper out a pitiful “yes.”

“Is there anything you wish to say?”

You simply shake your head no. You couldn’t. You had to marry this man even if you didn’t want to. Your father was practically begging you without actually begging. He smiles. “Come here”

You stand up, your anklets jingle with each step you take. “It’s been so long since I saw my daughter smile,” He says as you now stand in front of him “I hope you haven’t left it in Japan”

You smile weakly. How were you to tell him you did? How do you tell your father you left your heart in Japan? He pulls you in for a hug and a single tear runs down your cheek. 

You did not wish to marry the man you were promised to but you didn’t want to break your father’s heart either. 

Your father leads you down the large marble staircase, the railing covered with flowers and the entire bottom floor decorated lavishly. The vibrant colours and festive sounds of the pre-wedding celebration fill the air, yet your heart feels heavy with an unspoken sorrow. As you descend the staircase, your eyes scan the crowd, seeking a familiar face—a face that brought unexpected joy and confusion to your life. In the midst of the lively guests, you spot Sano Manjiro standing quietly at the edge of the room with his associates. He is dressed in beige slacks and a silk back button-up shirt, his presence commanding even in the bustling environment. His eyes meet yours, and for a brief moment, the noise around you fades. His gaze, deep and inscrutable, seems to reach into the very depths of your soul. The rituals proceed with the grandeur expected of such an event. The music, the dancing, the laughter—all blend into a blur as your mind drifts back to the times spent with Manjiro and his associates. The times when you could be yourself when you laughed genuinely and felt a connection beyond words. Sanzu Haruchiyo, always mischievous yet kind, had once teased you about your fascination with their tattoos. “Do you want one too?” he joked, letting you trace the lines of the intricate hanafuda design. 

You had laughed, but deep down, there was something about those moments that felt more real than anything else in your life. As you and your fiancé exchange rings, you feel Manjiro’s eyes on you, a silent support that gives you strength. The night progresses, and you find yourself stealing glances at him, your heart aching with an unspoken truth. You didn’t want this arranged marriage. You wanted something more, something that only he seemed to understand. 

It feels stupid though. It’s probably a simple infatuation but oh you had never felt this way in your life before and even as your fiancé slides the engagement ring onto your finger, the only thing that goes through your mind is Manjiro.

You sit alone in your room late at night on your bed, too lazy to sit at your dresser. Your dupatta was carelessly discarded at the foot of your bed as soon as you entered your room, too lazy to even remove your lengha and get in bed. The day had been tiring. You start to remove your jewelry, starting with the large diamond necklace that felt way too heavy. It’s as you are taking off the tikka from your forehead that someone enters. You don’t need to look up to know who it is. The air shifts, and the familiar, intense presence washes over you. It’s Manjiro. “Couldn’t sleep?” he asks, his voice soft, almost a whisper.

You shake your head, not trusting yourself to speak. He steps closer, his movements silent on the plush carpet. He doesn’t say anything else, just stands there, watching as you fumble with the clasp of your tikka. Your fingers tremble, and the delicate piece slips from your grasp, falling onto your lap. “Let me,” he offers, reaching out. His hands are gentle but firm as he takes over, carefully removing the tikka and setting it aside. 

His touch sends a shiver down your spine, and you feel a warmth spreading through you, melting the anxiety and sorrow that had been weighing you down. “Thank you,” you manage to whisper, your voice barely audible.

He nods, his eyes never leaving yours. There’s a question in his gaze, an unspoken query that you can’t quite decipher. The silence between you is heavy with words left unsaid, emotions unacknowledged. “Why did you come here?” you ask, needing to break the silence, to understand why he’s here, why he makes you feel the way you do.

“I needed to see you,” he replies simply, his gaze steady. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

His concern touches you deeply, and you feel tears welling up in your eyes. You blink them back, trying to maintain some semblance of composure. Manjiro sits down next to you, being careful to not sit on your skirt. He reaches over and starts to remove your earrings. Despite his fingers being calloused and rough, his hands are gentle. He touches you like the slightest touch might break you. Each brush of his fingers against your skin feels like a promise, unspoken but powerful. You sit there, letting him help you, feeling a strange sense of peace settle over you. The weight of the day's events begins to lift, replaced by the warmth of his presence. When he's done, he sets the earrings aside and meets your gaze again. His eyes are filled with something you can't quite name, something that makes your heart beat faster. “Let’s get this off, hm?” Manjiro’s hand reaches around you and tugs the strings on the back of your blouse free

Your breath catches, but you nod, trusting him implicitly. The fabric loosens, and you feel the pressure on your chest easing. He helps you out of the heavy, ornate lengha, his movements were careful, his eyes never straying where they shouldn't. This was wrong. So wrong. You were a damn cheater. But as Manjiro unzips your blouse and pulls it off your arms, you can’t find yourself to care. “‘Jiro…” Your breath is shaky as he lowers your bare body down

“Don’t worry” he whispers, a heavy hand cupping your cheek so tenderly

Something in your head tells you it’s been years since this man was tender to anyone. Your breath hitches at the touch of his roughened palm against your cheek, a stark contrast to the softness in his gaze. Manjiro's thumb gently brushes away a stray tear that you hadn’t realized had fallen, his eyes holding a depth of understanding that seems to pierce through your very soul. "I shouldn't be here" you murmur, your voice barely audible, a mix of fear and yearning.

It was a little stupid you were even saying that since it was your own room. "But you want me here" he counters softly, not a question, but a statement of truth.

The words hang between you, heavy with unspoken emotions. Your heart beats wildly, torn between duty and desire. You don’t reply, unable to deny the truth in his statement. Manjiro’s presence is intoxicating, a dangerous allure that you find impossible to resist. He leans in, his breath warm against your skin. "Tell me to leave, and I will," he whispers, his lips so close to yours that you can feel the heat of his words. "But if you want me to stay…"

You close your eyes, letting out a shaky breath. The choice is yours, and you know what your heart wants. "Stay" you breathe, barely more than a whisper, but enough for him to hear and without missing a beat he slides your engagement ring off your finger

Manjiro doesn’t take your virginity that night. Instead, he calls you a good girl for saving yourself for after marriage and then gets down between your legs and ravishes you. 

 The next morning was the Haldi ceremony. In the ceremony turmeric paste would be smeared on your face and oil on your hair. It was more of a fun kind of thing anyway and during all the weddings you have attended in the past, all the guests would end up getting the turmeric paste all over themselves while playing around with it. You were wearing a yellow salwar kameez with flowers embroidered on the top and your dupatta was bright pink. You sit on the ground by the pool while your cousins hold up a heavier more embroidered dupatta over top of you like shielding you from the sky. “Don’t put too much” You warn your dad as he smears some of the turmeric paste on your cheek

There is oil dripping down your forehead from when your cousin decided he wanted to be funny and poured the entire bowl on your head. Tumeric paste is smeared on your feet, arms, cheeks and nose. The vibrant colours of the ceremony blur together, a swirl of yellow and pink, laughter echoing around you. Yet, despite the cheerful chaos, your mind is elsewhere, drifting back to the previous night. Manjiro's touch lingers on your skin like a haunting melody, one you cannot shake off no matter how hard you try. Your father's laughter brings you back to the present, his smile wide as he steps aside for the next relative to apply the turmeric paste.

As the ceremony continues, you feel a pair of eyes on you. You glance up and catch a glimpse of Manjiro standing a little away from the festivities, his usual quiet intensity softened by a hint of something tender. He stands apart from his associates, watching you with an unreadable expression. For a moment, the world narrows down to just the two of you. The noise of the ceremony fades, replaced by the silent conversation happening between your gazes. Your heart beats faster as you remember his whispered promises from the night before. His words, his touch—they haunt you, make you question everything you thought you knew about your life and your impending marriage. You know it's reckless, dangerous even, to let yourself feel this way. But you can't help it. Not when his presence brings you a sense of peace and belonging you’ve never felt before. “This stuff smells weird” Koko comments as he crouches in front of you and smells the turmeric paste on his fingers before smearing it on your cheek “Are you sure this is safe for your skin?”

“Of course it is” you reassure with a smile

The rest of Bonten does the same. Finally, it’s Manjiro’s turn. He crouches down in front of you, an unknown emotion swirling in his eyes. Without a word, he takes the yellow paste and smears some on your right cheek then the left. His touch is gentle, yet it sends shivers down your spine, the same way it did the night before. The world around you seems to disappear as he smooths the paste over your skin, his eyes never leaving yours. The silence between you is filled with unspoken words, emotions too raw to be expressed in the midst of the celebration. Your heart pounds in your chest as his fingers linger on your skin, his touch both comforting and electrifying. "You look beautiful," he murmurs, his voice so low only you can hear. 

His words are simple, but the intensity behind them makes your breath hitch. "Thank you," you whisper, your voice barely audible over the noise of the celebration. 

You feel a blush creep up your cheeks, mixing with the turmeric paste. He offers you a small, almost shy smile, and for a moment, you see a vulnerability in him that he usually keeps hidden. You bring your hand up and smear the paste on his cheek too, making him laugh. His laughter is a rare sound, rich and deep, and it reverberates through you, filling your heart with warmth. You can't help but smile in response, your fingers lingering on his cheek for a moment longer than necessary. The world around you resumes its chaotic pace, but the connection between you and Manjiro remains, a silent promise amidst the noise and colour of the celebration.

As the Haldi ceremony continues, your mind is a whirlwind of emotions. The weight of your engagement ring, now conspicuously absent from your finger, feels like a liberation and a burden all at once. You glance at Manjiro again, finding comfort in his steady gaze. It’s as if he understands the turmoil within you without needing to ask.

As the ceremony comes to an end and the guests start to leave, you struggle to pick your dupatta off one of the chairs with your turmeric-covered hands. “Damn it” you mutter and look around for someone to help you

“Here you go” Rindo picks up your dupatta for you

You sigh in relief. “Thank you. Can you help me go up to my room?”

It was going to be a task going up to your room while covered in turmeric paste so you needed help. Rindo nods and offers you his arm, guiding you carefully through the crowd and up the stairs. The turmeric paste makes everything slippery, and you're grateful for his steady presence. As you make your way to your room, you can feel Manjiro's eyes on you, a silent promise of his support and understanding. Once inside your room, Rindo helps you sit on the edge of your bed, his touch careful and respectful. “Do you need anything else?” he asks, concern evident in his voice.

You shake your head, offering him a grateful smile, your eyes lingering for a moment of the front of his throat where the full moon hanafuda tattoo it etched then you look back up at his eyes. “No, thank you. I’ll manage from here.”

Rindo nods and leaves, closing the door softly behind him. You sit there for a moment, the events of the day and the night before swirling in your mind. You know you need to wash off the turmeric paste, but your thoughts keep drifting back to Manjiro. Eventually, you stand and make your way to the bathroom. The warm water washes away the turmeric, leaving your skin tingling and fresh. 

Later that night was the mendhi ceremony. Your hands are covered in intricate designs of flowers and swirls made with henna all the way up to your elbows and your feet with the same. “Ma~” you whine to your mother who was too busy talking to her sister to feed you 

Your mother laughs, a twinkle in her eye as she waves you off, engrossed in her conversation. You sigh, looking at the plate of food in front of you, and then at your hands, which are still wet with henna. The intricate designs are beautiful, but they make it impossible for you to eat on your own. You glance around the room, hoping to find someone to help you. Your eyes meet Manjiro’s from across the room. He’s standing with his associates, but his gaze is fixed on you, a soft, knowing smile playing on his lips. Before you can beckon him over, he starts to walk towards you, effortlessly weaving through the crowd. He kneels down next to you, his presence a comforting weight. “Need some help?” he asks, his voice low and warm.

You nod, feeling a blush creep up your cheeks. “Yes, please. I can’t eat with this on.”

Manjiro picks up the spoon and gently lifts a small portion of food to your lips. His movements are careful, and deliberate, as if this simple act holds profound significance. You open your mouth, feeling a mix of embarrassment and gratitude. As he feeds you, you catch the subtle smirk on his face, and you can't help but smile back. “This is quite the look for you,” he teases, his eyes sparkling with amusement. “Covered in henna and unable to eat by yourself.”

“Shut up,” you mumble, your voice playful. “This is supposed to be a special time, you know?”

“It is,” he agrees, his tone softening. “And you look beautiful.”

The sincerity in his words makes your heart skip a beat. You chew and swallow, the taste of the food mingling with the warmth spreading through your chest. Manjiro continues to feed you, the moment intimate despite the bustling celebration around you. Each spoonful feels like a silent promise, a shared secret that binds you closer together. “Food is spicy…” He murmurs 

“You don’t like spicy food?” you ask him

He shakes his head no. “I like the sweets though… After you get married bring me some in Japan?” You laugh softly, the sound mingling with the music and chatter in the room. “Of course,” you promise, a warmth spreading through you at the thought of sharing such a simple pleasure with him. “I’ll bring you all the sweets you want.”

Manjiro's smile widens, a rare glimpse of genuine happiness on his usually stoic face. “I’ll hold you to that,” he replies, his gaze steady on yours. “But only if you promise to come back soon.”

The sincerity in his voice catches you off guard, and you find yourself nodding before you can even think. “I promise,” you say, your heart racing with a mix of excitement and trepidation. “I’ll come back as soon as I can.”

The rest of the mendhi ceremony passes in a blur of laughter and music, but the memory of that moment with Manjiro lingers, a silent promise of things to come. As the night draws to a close, you find yourself reluctant to leave his side, the bond between you growing stronger with each passing moment. 

It’s as you lay in bed and stare at your henna-stained hands, searching for your fiancé’s name among the intricate designs. But as you scan the patterns, your heart sinks, and a furrow forms on your brow. The once-clear inscription has been smeared beyond recognition, lost amidst the swirls of henna. A mix of emotions washes over you—relief, guilt, and a pang of sadness. Relief because it feels like a sign, a small reprieve from the impending marriage you’re dreading. Guilt because you know you shouldn’t feel relieved, and shouldn’t be hoping for a way out of a commitment you made. And sadness because despite everything, there’s a part of you that still longs for the simplicity of what could have been. You trace the faint outlines of the henna design, your mind swirling with conflicting thoughts and emotions.

The bond between you and Manjiro grows stronger with each passing moment, a silent promise of a future you never dared to imagine. But the reality of your situation weighs heavily on your shoulders, reminding you of the duty and obligations that bind you to your fiancé and your family.

With a heavy sigh, you curl your fingers into fists. The events of the day replay in your mind—the stolen moments with Manjiro, the whispered promises, the shared laughter. Despite the uncertainty of the future, one thing is clear—you’re falling for him, and there’s no turning back.

The next night is the ladies' sangeet. It’s the last thing left and the next morning is the wedding. You sit with all your female relatives as they sing and dance to old folk songs. You sit among them, a forced smile plastered on your face, your mind drifting to thoughts of the impending wedding. Tomorrow, you'll be bound to a man you don't love, forced into a life of duty and obligation that feels suffocating. When no one is looking, you stand up and hed to the backyard where most your male relatives are, drinking away as usual. You can see Ran has unfortunately been cornered by one of your drunk uncles and is explaining Punjabi politics to him. Ran looks at you for help but you just grin and shake your head. You spot Manjiro walking over to you and you smile at him. “Hi” You say as you walk through the garden together, you anklets jingling with each step you take. 

"Hi," Manjiro replies, his voice low and warm, a stark contrast to the chaos of the sangeet unfolding behind you. His presence brings a sense of calm, a welcome respite from the suffocating atmosphere of obligation and expectation.

You walk through the garden together, the soft glow of lanterns casting a warm light over the flowers and foliage. The air is filled with the sweet scent of jasmine and roses, a stark contrast to the heavy perfume of the crowded hall. You feel a weight lift off your shoulders with each step, the knot of anxiety in your chest slowly unravelling in his presence. "Having fun?" Manjiro asks, his gaze steady on yours. 

There’s a hint of amusement in his eyes, a silent acknowledgment of the absurdity of the situation. You shake your head, a wry smile playing on your lips. "Not exactly," you admit, the words tumbling out before you can stop them. "I feel like I'm suffocating in there."

Manjiro nods in understanding, his expression sympathetic. "I can imagine," he says softly, his voice barely above a whisper “Japanese weddings are not this… festive or colourful. Must be a little overwhelming” 

You nod, grateful for his understanding. "It's not just that," you confess, your voice tinged with frustration. "It's the weight of expectation, the pressure to conform to tradition and duty." You pause, taking a deep breath to steady yourself. "I feel like I'm being suffocated by it all."

Manjiro listens in silence, his gaze unwavering as he takes in your words. There's a depth to his understanding, a sense of empathy that makes you feel seen in a way you haven't felt in a long time. "I know what it's like to feel trapped," he says finally, his voice tinged with a hint of sadness. "To feel like you're living a life that's not your own."

His words strike a chord within you, resonating with the turmoil you've been feeling. "Do you ever wish things were different?" you ask, your voice barely above a whisper.

Manjiro's gaze softens, a hint of something tender in his eyes. "All the time," he admits, his voice filled with honesty and you watch his hand come up to touch the full moon hanafuda tattoo on the back of his neck "But sometimes, we have to make the best of the hand we're dealt." 

You nod in understanding, a pang of sympathy tugging at your heart as you take in the vulnerability in Manjiro's words. His admission resonates with your own feelings of frustration and longing, the desire for a life beyond the confines of duty and expectation. "But that doesn't mean we have to give up hope," you say softly "We can still fight for what we want, for the freedom to live our lives on our own terms."

Manjiro's gaze meets yours, a flicker of something akin to hope dancing in his eyes. "And what do you want?" he asks, his voice barely a whisper, as if afraid to voice the question aloud.

You hesitate for a moment, the weight of your desires heavy on your shoulders. “I… I don’t know yet”

And Manjiro simply smiles at your answer and says “well clock is ticking… better hurry up and figure it out” then turns to go back to where he was sitting with your father, other business partners and relatives 

As Manjiro walks away, leaving you alone in the tranquil garden, his words linger in the air, a gentle reminder of the urgency of your situation. The weight of expectation and duty presses down on you once more. You watch Manjiro's retreating figure, his silhouette illuminated by the soft glow of lanterns, and you can't help but feel a sense of longing stirring within you. Despite the uncertainty of the future, one thing is clear—your heart is leading you towards him, towards a life of freedom and possibility.

You turn back towards the bustling sangeet, the music and laughter spilling out into the night air. Tomorrow is the wedding, the final culmination of weeks of preparation and anticipation. But as you rejoin the festivities, your mind is elsewhere, filled with thoughts of the man who has captured your heart and the future that awaits.

As the night wears on and the sangeet draws to a close, you find yourself lost in a whirlwind of emotions—excitement, apprehension, and a simmering sense of rebellion— something you shouldn’t be feeling. Tomorrow, you'll be bound to a man you don't love, forced into a life of duty and obligation. But tonight, in the quiet solitude of the garden, you allow yourself to dream of a different future, one where you're free to follow your heart, no matter where it leads.

As the first light of dawn breaks over the horizon, casting a golden glow over the garden, you feel a sense of anticipation stirring within you. In a few hours, you’ll be married. It’s scary. So scary and you feel sick. You sit in a yellow kameez and white salwar, fingers trembling as you put on the naath, hooking it to your nose and fixing the chain over your ear to see how you look in it. The cool metal of the jewellery rests over your lips that you’ve bitten raw. Your makeup lays untouched, face bare. You need to start getting ready. 

It’s the early hours of the morning, not many are awake except the servants who are getting the house ready. Your deep red wedding lengha is draped over your bed and seems to be mocking you. Your fingers linger on the intricate embroidery of the deep red lehenga, but the touch brings you no joy, only a sense of resignation. As you stare at your reflection in the mirror, the naath adorning your face, you can't help but feel a sense of disconnect. The woman staring back at you seems like a stranger, a mere shell of the person you once were. The weight of the impending marriage hangs heavy in the air, suffocating you with its inevitability. It’s suffocating, and overwhelming, and you find it hard to breathe.

But then, amidst the chaos of your thoughts, a sense of determination takes root within you. You refuse to let fear dictate your future, to surrender to the expectations of others. You may not know what lies ahead, but you know one thing for certain—you can't go through with this marriage. Your father may love you and only want the best for you but you are not a pawn in his plan to rule the world. 

Gathering your courage, you make a decision—to follow your heart, no matter the consequences. It won't be easy, and there will be challenges ahead, but you refuse to let fear hold you back any longer.

As you slip out of your room after grabbing your yellow dupatta, the quiet of the early morning enveloping you like a comforting embrace, you feel a sense of liberation wash over you. It’s just as you make it past the hall, your anklets unfortunately still jingling with each step(you probably should have taken them off), you come face to face with Manjiro, Sanzu and Rindo. “Hm? And where do you think you’re going?” Manjiro asks and his hand comes up and lifts the naath up then lets it fall back in place resting over your upper lip 

You freeze, caught off guard by the unexpected encounter. For a moment, you're at a loss for words, your mind racing to come up with an explanation. But as you meet Manjiro's gaze, you see something in his eyes—a flicker of understanding, a silent acknowledgment of the turmoil raging within you. "I..." you begin, your voice barely above a whisper, "I don’t want to get married"

The words hang in the air, heavy with the weight of your confession. You expect judgment, condemnation, but instead, there's only silence. Manjiro's gaze softens, a hint of something tender in his eyes as he reaches out to gently brush a stray strand of hair from your face. “Hm?”

You let out a shaky breath, henna-covered hands clenching at your sides. “You asked me last night what I wanted and this is what I want…”

There is a moment of silence. Manjiro looks back at Sanzu and nods and the latter pulls out his phone, frantically typing away texts. “C’mon then” Manjiro says and sweeps you off your feet in the same way the male leads in Bollywood movies would

You aren’t sure how things will turn out but as Manjiro carries you down the marble staircase and into a car, you don’t think about anything else. Just him. Manjiro’s arms feel solid and reassuring around you as he carries you down the marble staircase, the weight of your decision becoming lighter with each step. The early morning light filters through the windows, casting a golden hue over everything, as if the world itself is blessing your choice.

As he sets you down into the backseat of a car Manjiro brushes a strand of your hair away from your face then kisses your forehead. “I’m here” he whispers

end notes: at the end, when Sanzu is on his phone, he's texting Koko to post a bunch of evidence of corruption that reader's fiancé’s family has done. Now MIkey could have done that before but he wanted it to be reader's choice so.... yeah. Hope you enjoyed it loll.

[mrsshabana]

honestly i need a story time about the cult? also the link to that podcast, im intrigued now lol

𝐌𝐲 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐚 𝐫𝐞𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐢𝐨𝐮𝐬 𝐜𝐮𝐥𝐭

Ok children gather around. It's story time 🤓

Note: Now I won't provide a link because I talk about a lot of personal stuff including my name and location, and I don't want so many people having access to that. But I don't mind telling my story here.

Content warning: Mentions of religious trauma and eating disorders

Ok, so let me set the scene. I was 18 and moved out of my parents' house. I lived in a ghetto apartment near my university where I was studying art.

Now when I moved out my parents stopped talking to me. So I really felt alone, I had no family, no friends, and I was in a new place so I was very desperate to have a connection with someone. So really I was the perfect victim for a cult because I was vulnerable.

One day I was walking out of the mathematics building when a student stopped me and asked me if I would like to read the bible with her. She was a Korean international student and she was really nice so I was like sure why not. Now at this point, I wasn't super religious but I did consider myself a Christian. But I never knew the bible very well and my family was the kind of family that only went to church on easter and Christmas.

So anyway, I read the bible with her and she explained it to me. The way she explained the passage was insinuating that there was a female version of god. That was something I had never heard of before but it was interesting to me so I decided to come with her to her bible study.

Long story short it ended up being this organization called "The World Mission Society Church of God." I went to their church and spent hours with them every Wednesday and Saturday because they made me feel accepted. They welcomed me and became like my family which I didn't have at the time.

Something I really loved about them was that their church was so diverse. There were so many different kinds of people there, I really felt welcome. Because growing up churches seemed so segregated. I'm biracial, my mom is white and my dad is black so growing up we either went to the white church or the black church. And at both I felt like people would stare at me and my family and that I wasn't welcome there.

So it felt really nice to have such a diverse church where I felt truly welcomed. Anyway, I ended up making a lot of friends there and I stayed with them for about 6 months. Then I figured out they were actually a cult. It's a long story but I won't go into it because this isn't even the main part yet.

After leaving the World Mission Society I felt really lonely again because I lost the only friends and sense of belonging I had. But I had to just keep going.

Maybe about 3 months later this random Korean guy approached me on campus and he asked me if I'd like to participate in a survey thing about the bible. I was skeptical at first because my previous church had told me that every Korean person was a part of their church. (Which obviously is NOT true). But my mind was thinking, "Oh no, what if they are trying to get back to me."

But I decided that it's not right to assume that this man is a part of that cult just because he's Korean. So I agreed to participate in this survey and I gave him my phone number.

Basically, a professor was writing a book where she'd answer people's most common questions about the bible. And she was surveying students to collect questions for the book. It sounded pretty cool to me so I was very interested.

I met up with the professor at a Starbucks on campus and I answered her questions about things I've always wondered about the bible. We'll call this lady Anya.

During our meeting, I expressed to Anya how I felt discarded by god because of my previous cult experience. I felt like I wasn't worthy of his love and I was very ashamed of what I did. Because we would literally pray to a human man who claimed to be god. After leaving I knew that wasn't true, and I figured god no longer loved me for what I did.

Anya was so encouraging and kind. She told me that is it 100% untrue, and that god does love me. That he put me through that experience for a reason and it only made me stronger.

Then she offered to do some bible study lessons with me so I could learn things the right way and start to feel a little bit better about my situation. And of course, I agreed. I was desperate to redeem myself and make friends again.

So I started going to this bible study once a week. Which turned to twice a week. Which turned into me going to some woman's house to have lessons. We'll call this woman Cara.

Cara was from Korea and so was her husband, they were extremely nice and welcomed me into their home. They would feed me ramen and cool snacks, and I honestly felt like a part of their family. There were lots of people in this bible study too and I made a ton of friends.

So fast forward, I had been studying the bible with them for about a year now. And nothing crazy, I was learning about the parables of the bible and the meanings of all those things in the bible that make no sense. It was very informative and interesting but nothing outlandish.

They sit us down for this big "reveal" about who the 2nd coming of Jesus is. Now they hyped it up so much and they told us that we can't judge this person no matter what. This whole time I thought it was going to be someone crazy like Kanye West or something. But no, it was an old Korean man.

He seemed unassuming enough? I had never heard of him so I didn't know why they made such a big deal out of it.

Now at this point, you are probably thinking, "Why the hell would you fall for this again?" Listen, trust me I was frustrated with myself when I left but you have to understand these people love-bombed me when I had no one. They became my family when I had none. They lied to me for an entire year so I'd trust them and get close to them before they revealed who they really were.

And they were a church called Shincheonji.

And I had no problem accepting this because these people had been my family and my best friends for an entire year. They'd feed me, watch movies with me, do anything to help me out. So I trusted them wholeheartedly. But really I was just being brainwashed.

So after I found out that they were Shincheonji they put me in their group for advanced students. And I'd begin studying multiple times a week at Cara's house and Anya was always there too. I would join the twice-weekly sermons via zoom as well. Where one of the Korean tribe leaders would give a sermon about something. I was in the Mathias tribe by the way, though that doesn't really matter.

I would do so so much with them, we even all went on a road trip to Houston where the other branch was. They even got me a birthday cake and surprised me for my birthday too. It was honestly great, and I loved them a lot.

We were basically encouraged to recruit as many people as we can because if we don't they will go to hell. They put so much pressure on us for this. They'd say things like, "Don't you want to save them?" And I am a very empathetic person so I felt like omg I want to save everyone! But on the other hand, ever since I joined Shincheonji my anxiety and depression went through the roof. The pressure to save the entire world is a lot for a 21-year-old girl. So I never recruited anyone myself because I didn't want them to have to struggle with the same mental health issues I did when I joined.

I also had some physical health issues arise as well. Their teachings would always preach how "The word of god is all the food we need." How spiritual food was more important than physical food. And that really stuck with me, especially when I got food poisoning and I couldn't eat solid food for two weeks. Something about not eating made me feel good. Like I didn't even need food because the word of god was enough, so why not just not eat at all? Not eating felt like the only thing I could control, so I clung to it. And I became anorexic. Being with Shinchenji was the only time I was ever considered underweight.

Anyway, I have so many crazy stories to tell about my time with them but I'll save those for another day.

I had been with them for about two and a half years before I started to question things.

We got a new teacher from Korea to replace Cara because she was going to have a baby. And this new teacher was a lot different and a lot less loving and nurturing than Cara had been.

She had said some things that I didn't agree with, and it started putting some doubt in my mind.

Ok so, on a side note I used to work at the library at my school doing data entry in the basement. And I would listen to podcasts a lot throughout the day as I did my work.

One day I found an interesting podcast about cults, where the host would bring cult victims onto the show and they'd tell their story. Well I was listening to an episode about the Moonies and I thought to myself, "Huh, they sound very similar to Shincheonji in some ways..."

But I knew I could not think such thoughts and that if I did any research then the devil would poison me through the internet. And I needed to strengthen my spirit for even thinking of such a thing.

So I went to reddit, and I found a subreddit called r/Shincheonji. I was like, "Oh yes! Now I can talk to other Shincheonji members and we can strengthen each other's faith!"

But it wasn't a subreddit for believers. It was a subreddit for ex-members and people who were against Shincheonji.

And at this point, I had already seen enough to plant that seed of doubt in me. I read more and more even though Shincheonji warned me I'd be poisoned if I ever researched them. But I couldn't stop myself.

I went through so much inner turmoil, you guys have no idea. My reality was crumbling so hard and I felt like my world was ending. It's hard to explain, but I was so indoctrinated and brainwashed by this point. This really ruined me.

I had to mourn the loss of all of the family and friends I gained these past years. I would cry almost every night because I missed them, and it was so hard to accept that they never truly loved me at all. To be honest, I still think about some of them to this day and I hope they got out and found peace in their lives.

No one in my life had known I was a part of Shincheonji. My closest friends nor my family, who had slowly started talking to me again. But I had to tell someone so I told my childhood best friend, we'll call him Blaine.

I got in a Playstation party with Blaine and I just cried. I cried so so much, and he was so confused. But eventually, I told him everything. And he was really supportive and gave me no judgment at all.

My main issue was, how could I leave? I have quite literally been living a double life this entire time and not having that scared the shit out of me. But Blaine advised me to cut them off completely and just leave without saying anything. Because his concern was that if they got the chance to talk to me, they would most certainly be able to pull me back in. And I know them well enough to know this is true. So that's exactly what I did, I left and went cold turkey. I even went as far as changing my work schedule too.

And here's where things get creepy.

I hadn't spoken to them for about a week now, and I'm at work. I'm working as usual in the basement on the computers and low and behold, three girls walk in. Girls from my cult, girls that I was close to.

Now students aren't allowed to just waltz into this room so they had some big balls to do that. But the weird thing was, I had completely changed my schedule and I was working on a day I normally had off. They should have had no idea I was there.

But here they were, holding a large cup of boba from my favorite place. And in my favorite flavor too, winter milk cap with mango popping bubbles.

They came up to me and said, "Hey girl, we noticed you haven't been coming to worship lately. Is everything alright?"

I said, "Oh uh yeah everything's fine! I've just been super busy with work and a ton of projects for class..."

"Ok, well we got this for you," they handed me the boba, "We were hoping to talk to you. We can wait for you outside and talk to you when you get off."

I started panicking so I said, "My mom is actually picking me up as soon as I get off so I won't be able to, I'm sorry! Maybe another time though, I'll text you."

They were convinced by my response so they left. And boy did I RUN so fucking fast after I got off work. I even called Blaine so he could talk to me in case they came after me, but luckily they didn't and I got home ok.

He started yelling at me for drinking the boba saying, "YOU IDIOT! THEY PROBABLY POISONED IT!"

But hey, free boba is free boba.

Anyway, after that event I knew I had to text that girl and tell her I was deciding to leave Shinchenji because I didn't want them to show up at my job again or follow me around.

So I texted her, trying to be as nice as possible and explain to her that I just couldn't do it anymore. I told her how this affected my mental health and my physical health. How I developed an eating disorder from being in Shincheonji too.

Her response was really rude and condescending. She said my mental health issues and my eating disorder were my fault and the work of satan trying to blame them. She told me that once I leave I can never be accepted into heaven, that I'm damning myself to hell as well as all of my family members. I'll be honest, she made me feel incredibly guilty and selfish for leaving. Their teachings were still ingrained in me. But I knew that I could never return after everything, so I blocked her and never spoke to her again.

Oh yeah and that book the professor was writing in the beginning, that wasn't real and she wasn't a professor. It was just a ruse to lure students in.

I will admit I could never get their teachings out of my head. And to this day, even though I know they were wrong, a part of me believes I am going to hell for what I did and all of my family will suffer because of me. So now I can't even look at a bible, and I no longer consider myself religious.

And after this experience, I reached out to that cult podcast that helped me realize I was also in a cult, and I got an episode of my own where I got to tell my story.

So yeah haha that's my story!

Today only my close friends know, and I never told my parents. They still have no idea and honestly, I don't know if I will ever tell them.

I'm still really plagued by a lot of things they did, and my worldview has never been the same. My life has never been the same. But I've been cult free for about 2 years now so I'm just taking it one day at a time.

I'm sorry this was so long. But if you read the whole thing I want to say thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for reading my story. And if you are a college student, please be careful because cults like this are rampant on college campuses, especially in the U.S.

After leaving the cult, I needed something to obsess over, something to make me feel normal. And that was Gyutaro! And I gotta say, obsessing over him is much healthier than obsessing over the teachings of a cult.

Anyway, I want you all to know that this blog has been an escape for me and helped me to feel normal again after this experience. And I don't need a cult to make me feel loved anymore. Because I have all of you :)

[confused-simp-jpg]

(boy)friend

Pairing: holland!Peter Parker / reader

(no pronouns used for reader as far as I know)

Warnings: brief mention of bullying (and a shitty ending cause I suck at writing those)

General Plot: You are on a quest to befriend your awkward schoolmate and find that you might become something a little more

Genre:                fluff

Words:               1.2k

A/N: Honestly, I just wanted to try posting on here for the first time so I put together a little fanfic, so it might not be the most well written and thought out story, so please excuse all the plot holes and poor writing.

masterlist

A new schoolyear had begun and like every year you had devoted yourself to making a new friend. Having been the quiet kid with no friends you had decided to overcome your fear of talking to new people and after finding a great group of friends you started to look for new additions to said group every year.

At the end of last school year, you had noticed a small duo, a cute brunette and his best friend, you’d never see one without the other. But recently you had picked up on the near constant flow of bullying directed at the two by a kid named flash.

Truth be told you always were the kind of person to search for the good in someone even if they were being an asshole and it’s not like you thought Flash was the scum of the earth or something like that he just had the sort of personality most people perceived as arrogant, annoying and overall disgusting, their words not yours, although you had to agree. He was by no means an evil person per se he just seemed to lack basic human decency in its entirety.

So when you became aware of the two victims of Flash’s idiocy and their almost unbothered attitude towards him, you decided to get to know them a bit better in hopes of befriending them.

It was Monday where you had an irregular lunch break at a time no one else did, when you saw your opportunity.

“Hey… is this seat taken?”, you smiled down at the completely surprised brunette.

“Uh…yeah… I mean no… I mean you can sit…if you want obviously”, he stuttered out, stumbling over his words and trying his best to keep his voice from completely giving out.

You giggled and sat down:

“Thanks, I was worried I wouldn’t find a good seat anymore, I’m Y/N btw”

“I’m Peter”, a soft blush adorned his cheeks.

Peter looked around in the mostly empty cafeteria and his brows furrowed slightly:

“Uhm, you know there are like a lot of free tables. Not that I want you to leave but… you know?”, he hesitantly brought up.

You looked up at him a smile tugging at the corners of your lips and answered:

“Yeah, but it’s not a good lunch seat when you sit alone isn’t it?”

“…I guess…yeah”

There was a bit of comfortable silence between you before you spoke up again.

“You’re not usually alone here right? I think every time I’ve seen you he was right next to you”, you chuckled

He seemed a bit caught off guard by you breaking the silence but recovered fast.

“Yeah, Ned wasn’t feeling all too well today, so he stayed home and left me alone here.”, Peter said jokingly.

“Oh, tell him I hope he feels better soon then, he seems like a nice dude when he’s not abandoning you.”

Talking about his friend came easier to Peter than small talk and the conversation flowed seamlessly from how Ned had ‘abandoned’ him to what things they got up to recently.

In turn you shared some stories from you and your friends taking the opportunity to invite him and Ned to come along with you to the arcade at the end of the week.

Although hesitant at first, with a bit of convincing he agreed to meet the following Friday.

Your talk with Peter in the cafeteria had not been the last time the two of you had interacted and every conversation with him made you more excited for the next.

Peter really was such a sweet soul and hanging out with him always felt comfortable.

Friday rolled around and you were waiting on your friends and Peter in front of the arcade. It was a common occurrence for them to be late so when a out of breath Peter ran up to you and started to apologize profusely you just smiled and reassured him that he was fine.

You noticed Ned wasn’t with him and when asked about it, Peter explained that he still wasn’t feeling better.

Slowly but surely the rest of the group came by as well and soon enough everyone was present.

The entire afternoon went by in a haze filled with laughter, everyone enjoying themselves and even though Peter was a bit shy at first, he fit right in, and everyone welcomed him with open arms.

Even without really noticing or intending on it, you and Peter stayed close and stole innocent touches here and there along with soft looks.

Unbeknownst to you your friends had noticed the fact that you and Peter seemed joined at the hip and shared smiles about the clear interest both of you displayed for the other.

You felt a tap on your shoulder and were met with one of your closest friends MJ, who led you away from the group.

“Can you two go on a date without us? It’s getting a bit pathetic with the way he’s looking at you.”, she deadpanned, catching you off guard. Your mouth dropped open and blood rushed to your face.

“What?”, a confused chuckle escaped your throat.

“Come on Y/N, you two are clearly interested in each other. Everyone has noticed at this point. So just tell him and get on with it!”

MJ never was the kind of best friend who talked to you about relationships unprompted, you loved to tell her about crushes and troubles simply because of her objective and brutally honest advice and comments, but she never started these types of conversations so this was new.

“MJ, he’s sweet sure but I’ve only known him for a week and yeah of course I like him but calling it a crush would be a bit rushed don’t you think?”, you smiled at her.

“Obviously, but I’m just saying, you two have been smiling at each other so much even I felt giddy” MJ shuddered overdramatically

You laughed and hugged her. “Oh MJ, I love you so so much”

MJ scrunched up her face and awkwardly hugged you back, never having been much of a physical touch kind of person but tolerating it for you.

The two of you returned to the group and the afternoon continued without another hitch although you were more and more aware of the shy smiles shared between you and Peter.

At first the two of you were shy and awkward on dates but once you got more comfortable with eachother you shared inside jokes and and started teasing eaxhother playfully.  

A few months after the arcade meet up which were filled with almost daily texts and constant talking, Peter awkwardly asked:

“ So… are we…are you…I mean, am I your…”

His stressed expression and the more and more panicked waving of his hands had you chuckling slightly once you realized what exactly he was trying to ask of you.

“I think we are and I am and you are. If you want to that is”, you answered with a soft smile, your hand ever so slightly reaching for his.

Relief washed over Peter and you thought to yourself, how bad he was at hiding his true feelings, it felt like you could read him like an open book, like he couldn’t possibly have secrets that you didn’t know about with how open he seemed.

“Thank god!”, Peter exclaimed and engulfed your hand in his, tugging you along to his home for the movie night you had planned.

[stellaluna33]

Since you are so good at analyzing characters, what do you think was the point of Dean telling Rory he's engaged? What reaction did he expect? Was he trying to make her jealous? I saw people theorize that he wanted her to talk him out of it but when she tried that he got offended, so what did he want?

Well, first of all, thanks! 🥺 And that's an interesting question. I think the most charitable explanation would be that he thought it would be better if she heard it from him, rather than hearing it from someone else (and news gets around fast in Stars Hollow). I'm not a big fan of Dean, but he DOES try to be a considerate person in general... he just doesn't react well when other people don't respond the way he expects them to... This incident being a case in point. He gets very upset generally when Rory's emotions don't align perfectly with his, so in this case, since he was expressing happiness (I am refraining from saying that he WAS happy, haha. Maybe he was... At the very least, he had convinced himself he was happy and was acting accordingly), he expected Rory to just echo that back. A politely excited, "Wow! That's great!" was probably what he told himself he wanted. Rory, however, was not living in his little fantasy world, where proposing to your girlfriend of 4 months right after fighting with your ex-girlfriend's boyfriend when none of you have yet graduated from highschool seems like a reasonable idea, so she gave him a reality check instead. He did not want a reality check, he wanted blind agreement.

And I really hate to do this, but once again I'm reminded of the things Dean and Rory DO have in common, because this is exactly the way Rory responded to Lorelai after Lorelai questioned her decision to sleep with Dean. In both cases, the questioner was in the right, but the person being questioned didn't want to hear it.

Now, could Dean have also had other motives? Possibly! I've never believed that people can only ever have one reason for doing the things they do! It's usually more complicated than that. So, it's POSSIBLE that he was subconsciously hoping that Rory would be upset that he was marrying someone else. But even in that case, acting hurt and offended would serve his purpose, because it implies that Rory is UNREASONABLE for not being happy for him. So, if she ISN'T happy for him, there must be some OTHER reason, right? Maybe that would push her to think about what other reasons there might be. And even if not, there's a kind of spiteful, poisonous pleasure in feeling wronged and outraged sometimes, isn't there? I think we in the social media age have to admit that that's something a lot of people seem to find addictive. And Rory, after their breakup, had been constantly groveling, trying to "make up" for hurting him, and I think he liked that too. So compliant and eager to please and appease, but now she's CRITICIZING him?! How dare she! She's forgetting her Place, which is that she owes him her meekness and niceness FOREVER now, because this entire situation is Her Fault, and he needs to REMIND her of that. But now I'm venturing into UN-charitable territory. 😂

ANYWAY, these are some Thoughts I've had about the situation.

[messinwitheddie]

Nny "I told you; ginger makes for the perfect smoothie."

Zim "You were right. It was the only thing missing."

Dib "Wait! Nny, you can eat and drink?"

Nny "Uh... apparently so. At this rate I'll go back to Hell ten pounds heavier."

Dib "This is awesome! I've heard of the phenomenon, but I've never actually observed it myself. Holy shit, I'm gonna go grab my gear and cameras. Don't go anywhere. Keep drinking."

Nny "If Zim keeps mixing smoothies-"

Zim "Waiwaitwaitwait! Best smoothie in the universe aside, why is it so fascinating that this creature is consuming food exactly?"

Dib "Be....cause Nny is a ghost. A HUMAN ghost for the forth or fifth fucking time."

Zim "It's DEAD?"

Dib/Nny "YES!"

Zim "I thought it was an experimental pet you grew in your dad's lab to give Todd as a house warming gift!"

Nny "Kiss my ass."

Zim "Why don't dead things stay dead on this planet?!"

Dib "I don't know, Zim! That's why it's called paranormal research and not paranormal we know how it all fucking works already!"

Zim "You're telling me I wasted my spleeberry schnapps on a DEAD human?!"

Nny "There's alcohol in this smoothie?"

Zim "Two types of rum, five different whiskies, two types of vodka, creamsicle liqueur, tangerine Zima and four kinds of schnapps-- ONE OF WHICH YOU CAN’T BUY ON EARTH!"

Nny "What the fuck?! I drank almost two pitchers already!"

Dib "You didn’t taste the alcohol?"

Nny "NO! Not at all!"

Zim "That's how amazing it is. I missed a calling; should have been brewmaster. Ah well."

Nny "Hey! I'll give you a tip on earth etiquette-"

Zim "No thank you."

Nny "You don't feed a guy a bunch of alcohol without telling him!"

Dib "As a general rule, don't eat anything Zim offers you."

Nny "NOW you warn me!"

Dib "I didn't think I had to. Seems like common sense."

Nny "Goddamnit... ooh, wow. It all just hit me. I feel really screwed up."

Zim "Why are YOU upset? I'm the one down a third a bottle of high end exotic schnapps!"

Nny "Because I don't drink, you little shit!"

Zim "Really? Hu... Good thing you're already dead or two pitchers of this might have killed you. You should eat something to sober up. Here, have a smoothie."

Nny "Do I still have permission to murder him? Not that a lack thereof would stop me."

Dib "Absolutely, you're a guest here."

[A dialogue inspired by this quote

Wish I had time to draw this all out, but I planned on working on other things. This just kind of poured out of me.

For context; this is a subplot for my 18-years-later au: Dib impulse buys a historically haunted house upstate to conduct paranormal research again, wound up selling it to newlywed Squee and Pepito and Nny regularly haunts it.]

[charliehoennam]

karma's kiss

a/n: @harmonity-vibes requested a smutty lil fic with anthony because he is foooooine so here it is

Pairing: Anthony Saint Claire x F!Reader

Summary: Anthony finds himself swindled by a con-artist and tracks her down to get his own justice.

Warnings: 18+ ONLY, dark themes like rough sex, asphyxiation, stealing, dub-con, smut (let's remember anthony is not a nice guy like our sweet little adorable professor so read at your own risk)

SHARING IS CARING SO REBLOG IF YOU LIKE IT

The bar you’re in is far different compared to the dive bars you started in your early years.

Your job isn't the kind you include in resumés, but it's paid your bills since college and you've managed to work your way up to a more high-end clientele.

Sitting at the bar, you can feel eyes boring into your side as you sip your daiquiri.

You smile at the bearded man, waiting to see if he'll approach you first. And, indeed, he does taking your smile as an invitation.

"Staring isn't very polite, you know" you smirk setting your drink on the bar as he sits next to you.

"Well, can you blame me? A beautiful woman like you in a dress like that is bound to get some attention, right?" he smiles slyly.

You smile pretending to be flattered by his compliment. It's nothing you haven't already heard before. It might be just bait that he tells all the girls he meets to get what he wants out of them, but you have to admit it feels a little nice coming from someone as attractive as he is.

In order to hide your real name and identity, you give him a fake name as you hold your hand out to shake his.

"Anthony," he smirks shaking your hand lightly before lifting his whisky for a sip. "Are you here with your husband?"

He glances down at the fake wedding ring and band on your finger. There is no husband. You just wear the rings because you've found it makes you more intriguing to most men.

You never really understood why, but if you had to guess, you'd guess it must have something to do with the chauvinistic idea of conquering something that's not theirs or that belongs to another man.

It doesn't exactly surprise to see a gold band on his finger too.,

"Are you here with your wife?" you retort.

"Touché," he smirks raising his glass to your witty observation.

"I'm not here with my husband, but he does know I'm here."

"Your husband lets you go out alone dressed like that?"

"We have an open relationship."

Anthony's smile stretches from ear to ear. Attending underground sex clubs, he's no strangers to forbidden kinks. They arouse him. Your beauty attracted him, but now, you have his full attention.

"That's interesting. You don't hear that every day," he smirks. "Tell me more about this relationship. I'm intrigued."

"Well, once a week, he allows me to go out on my own. I like getting to meet new people and he likes watching me get fucked by other men."

Your bluntness has his cheeks turning pink as he beams with amazement.

"So it's a kink?"

"I prefer the term alternative modern lifestyle," you smile mischievously at him. "Keeps the marriage spicy."

"I can imagine. And how's it work huh?"

"I go out, find a very attractive man," you explain glancing at his lips and making no effort to hide it. "We talk, drink, kiss and I take him home to fuck me in front of my husband."

"Seems simple enough" he smirks catching your glance at his lips. "How do you choose the man?"

"Consent is the most important factor, of course. If he's not alright with that, then everything stops. But I tend to gravitate towards those that are more pleasing to the eye."

"And are there candidates yet?"

"The night is still young. This is still my first drink and I'm already interviewing one," you reply with a cheeky smile.

"Oh, my. I am very flattered," he chuckles pretending to be surprised. "I'm very interested. Although I've never done anything like this before."

"You'd be surprised at how many have."

"I'm guessing a lot?"

"More than you think. Open relationships are becoming more and more common and accepted nowadays."

It hardly takes him any further convincing. You can tell by the way his legs and hips squirm in his seat he's turned on by the sole thought of it.

Moving to a more private table, you sit in the corner of the high-end bar sharing details about what you and your husband enjoy.

Anthony is up for anything. Just the thrill of fucking you in front of your husband already his dick leaking with anticipation.

The hardness in his pants is noticeable when you place your palm on his crotch after he tells you how big he is when you ask about his size.

Granted he is perfectly sized and thick, it doesn't change any of the plans you have for him.

You invite him to come back to the motel you're staying at under the guise you and your husband always go out of town for your escapades to avoid running into people you might work who wouldn't understand your lifestyle.

A sexual deviant himself, he knows just how well it is to have to hide your sexual fantasies and desires from others.

In the backseat of a taxi on the way to the motel, his lips are all over yours mauling yours as his head tilts to the side. His tongue wrestles for dominance between you. The thumb on the hand on your neck strokes your cheek.

His touch warms you from the inside. You can't let yourself give in, but it doesn't mean you can't enjoy it while you can.

You have to focus. This is our opportunity to get what you need.

Your hand glides down his chest under his leather jacket towards his crotch. With a firm unexpected squeeze to his cock, he moans into your mouth.

The driver can't help but glance at the rearview mirror, torn between stopping you from getting too heated and letting you go on to enjoy the show.

You palm Anthony's cock over his jeans. You have to admit, the man does have a nice size that makes your panties wet.

Reveling in your touch, his knees spread to invite you in as his torso adjusts to face the front.

"You like that, huh?"

"Can't wait to get my mouth around it."

"Why wait?" He smirks darkly.

Taking a glimpse at the driver, he immediately looks away and back to the road when your eyes meet his in the mirror.

You smirk back at Anthony as he unbuttons his jeans and pulls his cock out.

Lowering into the darkness of the backseat, you lean down to take it into your mouth, letting your tongue swirl around his tip to lap at his precum.

Anthony closes his eyes as his head dips backwards at the welcomed warmth of your mouth. With one arm stretched along the backseat, he uses the other to rest his hand against your bobbing head.

Too lost in the sensation, he doesn't notice or feel your hand sneaking into his pocket to steal his wallet.

The thrill of accomplishing your mission excites you enough to add a little more enthusiasm into the blowjob until the driver clears his throat to get your attention as the car rolls to a stop.

"We're here. That'll be 8.50."

"I got it" you say quickly to stop Anthony from looking for his wallet.

Taking a 10-dollar bill from your bra while Anthony tucks himself away, you hand the money to the driver and thank him telling him to keep the change.

Climbing out of the cab, you lead him to your room fumbling for your room key.

Anthony follows you inside and takes a look around. The room is nothing fancy as expected but it has a double bed which is all you need. Or so he thinks.

"My husband is on his way. He'll be here soon. Why don't you get comfortable while I freshen up real quick? I'll be just a minute."

You smirk sliding your hands up his chest to gently push at his black leather jacket.

“Don’t mind if I do,” he smirks down at you with lustful eyes.

As he shrugs off his jacket, you walk to the bathroom. While he takes his shoes off, you quickly race to the back wall of the bathroom to open the high shower window. You pop off the bug screen and let it fall to the ground. The collision makes an echoing noise and catches Anthony’s attention.

“Fuck,” you whisper to yourself.

Using the ledge of the dingy tub, you pull yourself up into the window and see-saw on the sill. You planned the escape; should’ve also planned the landing of it.

Your heart races when Anthony knocks on the locked door.

“Hey, sweetheart. Everything ok in there?” he questions growing suspicious.

Your legs flail in the air, knocking the shower rod and one of your high heels down. The clattering encourages him to throw his shoulder against the door to bust it open. Pushing yourself forward, you hold your arms out to soften the drop to the ground outside just as Anthony is able to break inside, catching a quick glimpse your feet just before they slip out of view.

“Hey! The fuck are you going?!” Anthony shouts bewildered as he pats his pockets for his phone and realizes his wallet is gone so he darts to the window, standing on his toes to pop his head outside.

It dawns on him that this is a set-up. Everything you told him was merely a lie to get him alone. And now he’s stuck in a run-down motel with no way to chase after you.

“Hey! Get back here, you little fucking thief!”

Giggling to yourself with his wallet in hand, you quickly limp toward the car you’d left in the alleyway behind the motel specifically for your get-away.

He tries to climb out through the window and, although he’s much better at it than you, you’re already speeding down the alleyway and onto the road when he stands up. He tries to run after you, but he knows his feet are no match to your car.

“Fuck!” he shouts angrily as he pants.

Standing in the alleyway, he quickly whips out the cellphone you thankfully managed to leave behind and types in the digits of your license plate in his digital notes before he can forget them.

Once they’re saved, he goes through his list of contacts which – unfortunately for you – is rather long and full of assorted figures. Some, which thanks to his night job in an underground sex club, happen to be people in powerful positions. Judges, lawyers, law enforcement. You name the job and he’s guaranteed to have someone of the area in his pocket.

Cashing in a favor with a sketchy local sergeant of the police department, Anthony asks him to notify him as soon as they get a hit on your plate. The sergeant doesn’t ask any questions. Anthony wouldn’t answer him with anything other than a threat of blackmail if he didn’t, but the less he knows, the better.

It takes a few days, but Anthony eventually gets a call informing of the car’s whereabouts and original owner. He’s not surprised to know it’s not you.

Assuming you live practically on the run, moving from motel to motel, he knows he has to act fact but still cautiously. There’s still quite a bit that he doesn’t know about you like if you work with any other parties or if you impose any danger. And if so, what level of danger could it be?

With a recently purchased gun tucked into the waistband of his jeans, he sets his helmet on and speeds off to the illegally given address. He lurks from a distance and waits until you finally leave the room.

He keeps his distance from you, but decided to stalk you as you go about your day, buying groceries and clothes with his money. There wasn’t much pocket money, but you were able to clone his cards and identity to cash up a couple thousand.

He could’ve stopped you and cancelled all his cards, filed an official report. But you’ve would known and been caught before he’s had the chance to make you pay. And a couple thousands aren’t going to cause a lot of financial troubles for him, thanks to his fairly wealthy income from the night job.

As you go about your day, you can’t shake the feeling that someone is onto you. You keep looking over your shoulder, but there’s no one there. No one that you notice, at least. But then again, you always get this feeling after a theft.

You head back to the motel where you’d left your car. After a theft gone right, you always opt to get around on foot with the most important things in your bag at the slightest sight of a cop. That way, if anyone is onto you, it could provide you some time to get away.

Assuring the motel is safe, you head to the room you’d paid to stay at for the night and unlock the door. But just as you open the door, you instantly feel cold metal press against the side of your head. Your groceries drop and scatter on the ground as you hold your hands up.

“Don’t get smart again. I found you once and I can find you again.”

You can’t see the face of the figure, but you can tell it’s a man and you’re almost certain who he is.

“Close the door and step away from it.”

You don’t have much of an option. Run away and he’ll find you again. Or worse, shoot you down in the parking lot of this crappy motel and that’s not how you want to die.

With your hands carefully raised, you slowly close the door with your foot and walk deeper into the room just as ordered. You keep your back turned to him as he locks the door and face him only after he says you can.

You don’t have much of an option. Run away and he’ll find you again. Or worse, shoot you down in the parking lot of this crappy motel and that’s not how you want to die.

With your hands carefully raised, you slowly close the door with your foot and walk deeper into the room just as ordered. You keep your back turned to him as he locks the door and face him only after he says you can.

The newfound power intoxicates him. It swells him with an authority that he's never felt before. You, on the other hand, are filled with fear. You try to play it cool to avoid letting him know that you're actually scared.

"I want my money and my documents back."

"I can give your documents back and all the copies I've made. But the money is already gone. I already spent it."

"Well, it seems like we got a bit of a predicament here, doesn't it?"

"I can pay you back, but it's gonna take some time."

"I don't have time," he lies. "I want it back now."

"I don't have any money now. Why do you think I do this?" You sigh. "Look, what if... I paid you back some other way?"

"What other way?"

You lower your hand to unbutton your white shirt and reveal your lacy bra.

"This is what you wanted in the first place, isn't it?"

His eyes lower from your face down to your chest. He stays silent, considering your offer but his gun stays aimed at you. 

"It was..  it still is."

"So why don't you put that away and take what you want?"

A sly smirk grows on his lips. His eyes darken with a sudden and familiar lust that revisits his being.

"I'm gonna keep this, just in case." He stated walking over to sit on the bed, manspreading his legs as he keeps the gun pointed at you.

"C'mere. On your knees."

Glancing at the weapon, you take slow steps to approach him and kneel between his knees.

"You know what to do. You did it so well before. Don't be shy now." 

You nod and raise your shaky hands to unbutton his jeans, pulling down his zipper.

Feeling the end of the barrel rest against the side of your head, you carefully release his dick from it's confine. It's not quite hard as before, but its getting there with you under his will.

You hold his dick up to take him into your mouth, lathering his member with your spit.

"Eyes up here, sweetheart."

His order is your command which you obey. You don't know what he's capable of and you don't want to find out.

Looking up at him, he relishes in the contrast of your teary eyes and dirty mouth full of his dick. He takes his free hand and threads his fingers into your hair, holding it back to keep it away from distracting you. How thoughtful, you think sarcastically.

Anthony's moans and groans fill the room as he breathes heavily, cock twitching with every bob of your head.

The grip on your hair tightens with every twitch. After forcing himself to the back of your throat, you buy yourself sometime to breath by licking up the backside of his heavy cock and swirling your tongue around his dome, putting your saliva pool against your plush lips.

"Fucking Christ" he groans deeply as he watches your mouth working its wonders, his angry cock throbbing with desire.

"Take them off" he orders nodding at your clothes.

Obeying his command, you slowly stand between his knees and unbutton your pants. He tisks as you move too fast.

“Slow… and turn around for me.”

You turn your back to him and slowly push your pants down, gliding your palms over your cheeks as you undress just to tease him a little. You figure you might as well enjoy it.

He smirks at the sight of your matching panties and admires how they perfectly hug your curves. As you bend forward to push your pants down to your ankles, he takes advantage of your position and trails the edge of his gun down the split of your cheeks.

Your body tenses at the touch of cold metal. You remind yourself to take calming breaths to keep yourself together.

“Nice fucking ass you got here, sweetheart,” he simpers, poking the barrel at your clothed cunt from behind. “Bet you got a cute pussy too…. Show me it.”

You gulp and lift your trembling hands to slide your panties down to reveal yourself to him. Although Anthony is undoubtedly attracted, you don’t trust him. The fact that your life is essentially in his hands is still in your mind. You comply to his orders, but you pray that he doesn’t hurt you too much. Not enough to be fatal at least.

“Atta girl.” He says removing the gun from between your legs. You quietly sigh in relief.

“Now come on over here.” Anthony stands behind you and presses the gun into your side.

“On the bed. Face down.”

Accepting your fate, you climb onto the mattress and lay on your front. Out of your view, you hear the jostling of his belt as he removes it with one hand and climbs on top of your legs to lock you in place. Setting the gun beside his foot, he takes the belt and tightens the leather tightly around your wrists.

You wince as the leather pinches your skin, but he doesn’t seem to care if it hurts you. You can feel his emotionless eyes on you, so you turn your head to the side to avoid look at him.

He climbs off of you and the bed, but he stays close. You try to zone out as you listen to him undress.

Walking around the bed now completely naked, he kneels down to pet your hair and wipes a tear from your cheek.

“Listen, sweetheart. I’m sorry for the scare. I’m not gonna kill you, alright? I’m not a monster.”

You nod looking up at him confused.

“I’m just gonna fuck you. Really, really hard. I think I deserve to get my money’s worth, right? Even you gotta agree with me on that.”

His words don’t exactly ease you, but the promise that he won’t shoot you dead is enough. After all, he doesn’t have to. It’s not like you can simply go to the cops to report him anyways.

“Ok,” you agree. “C-can you just please put the gun away?”

“I can do that. But don’t get smart. Deal?”

“Deal.”

He walks back around the bed and takes his gun to set it on the nightstand. You feel like you can finally breathe after what seemed like hours holding your breath.

You feel his weight on the mattress as it dips beside you again. He pulls you up by your arms and stands you on your knees.

“I want you to do something for me first. Sit on my face. Can you do that?”

You’re almost surprised by his request and the contact on your wrists as he unbuckles the belt, letting your wrists go just to bind them again but in front of you this time. He wants to…. pleasure you?

“I’ll make you cum if you’re a good girl.”

Once he’s on his back on the bed, you straddle his head carefully and lower your hips down to meet with his hungry mouth. With your ass spread by his hands, you lean forward to place your hands on his taut abs for balance.

You can’t hold back the moan you release as he licks a long-wet stripe from your hardening clit to your puckered ring of muscle. The hands that keep your cheeks apart squeezes into your flesh when his tongue begins its work on your pussy.

Anthony just can’t enough of you. Your taste is wonderfully delicious to him that he just has to fuck you with his tongue. And the position allows him to flick at your sensitive nub, making your walls slick.

“Jesus, fuck!” you gasp as he toys with your clit bringing you closer and closer to the brink. You’re so turned on although you feel like you shouldn’t be. He held you at gunpoint. This is wrong. So wrong, but it feels so fucking good.

His beard heightens the sensitivity between your legs as his nose pokes at your asshole. He pulls your hips down against his face harder, restricting himself of air.

“T-That feels so good!” you whine with tears prickling at your eyes feeling the pleasure snaps in waves throughout your body.

You’re not sure what comes over you, but you find yourself leaning forward to wrap your mouth around his cock again. The burning heat that bubbles from your core provoking yet another orgasm has you so hot for him that you need to suck him off.

He chuckles surprised by your sudden urge as he lifts your hips up to hiss out in pleasure. It doesn’t take him long to start thrusting his hips violently up, shoving his cock down your throat. He stops suddenly and pushes you off him, feeling himself close.

Shoving you onto your back, he spreads your legs and eagers aligns his dick with your hole before pushing himself into your wetness.

His hips relentlessly thrust against yours as he pounds you raw. The sounds of your wet cunt squelching around him make your cheeks warm as you realize how wet you really are for him.

The lecherous stare down at your body proves he’s getting closer. He pants as he watches your breast bouncing free from your bra. Eager to feel them, he stills and tear the bra in half to expose you completely.

He growls dipping his head to grope and maul at your breasts. Your skin burns with his prickly beard and rough teething kisses.

With one hand squeezing your breast, the other sneaks around your neck. He squeezes your neck and throat, choking you as he restricts your oxygen. His hips drill you into the mattress as you watch him, slowly losing your conscious.

Anthony looks like he’s been possessed by something else and it scares you a bit. You claw at his wrists as you feel the pressure in your head weighing heavy. Your eyes roll to the back of your head from the combination of pleasure and pain.

You gasp for air as he finally releases your neck and fills you with his heavy load, spilling into your pussy in hot ropes.

He pants as he eases his cock out and into you again, admiring how his cum trickles out from your hole and coats his cock.

“We’re gonna have a very long night.”

“Night?” you question. Could you even last a night with him?

“I told you. I want my money’s worth.”

[melanieph321]

Erling Haaland x Reader - The Confession Part 2/2

+18

Again, thank you @ruben-dias for the gif

Part 1

Summary - Erling has had a crush on Reader for a long time, but Reader is clueless about it since she never thought a guy like him could like a girl like her. Nevertheless, the truth unfolds when Erling gives Reader a ride home after a lake party with their friends.

Enjoy!

It was a sad sight to see Erling moping around like he did. Especially when you were the cause of his foul mood. Nevertheless, you knew how to make things right.

"Erling?"

You had been working up the courage to ask him for a ride home from the lake. It was a foolish plan indeed, but if you could get him alone, just the two of you, maybe then you could let him down easily.

"Hey." You blushed as you walked up to where he stood by his car.

"What do you want?" He muttered.

"A ride, actually."

"A what?"

"Nicole's car is full, and Tim....Well I haven't asked him. But maybe I..."

"No." Erling exclaimed.

You fell back two steps, quite surprised by his reaction.

"I mean, yes." He coughed. "You can ride with me, if you want?"

"Thanks." 

You helped Erling pack up the rest of the stuff that would go in his car. The two of you were the last people to leave the parking lot, trailing the other cars in front of you.

"So..." He sighed.

"So?" You shrugged.

The awkward silence that lingered was unbearable. It was easier to converse in a group, but other than your friends, the two of you seemed to have nothing in common.

"How's life going?"

"Excuse me?" 

It was almost laughable, how awkward it was. If it wasn't for the radio playing the latest hits, you might have considered throwing yourself out of the car.

"What? It's just a question." Erling said, seeing as you had begun to laugh uncontrollably.

"Yeah but, what kind of question is that?"

"A normal one, I'd say."

"Erling, we hang out like everyday, you know how my life is going."

"Yes, but we never hang out alone. And even around everyone you never talk about yourself."

"I beg to differ."

"You don't. Otherwise I would've known that you don't eat meat." 

He mumbled the last part and you felt a tad guilty.

"Look, Erling…"

"It's okay." He chuckled. "I should have known that you don't eat meat, or that you can't swim."

"Hold up." You flinched at the last part. "Who told you that I can't swim?"

"Can you?"

"Yes. Yes I can, and you assuming that I can't is really…" You caught yourself getting rallied up, however now was not the time. "Look, Erling." You sighed. "About the hot dogs…"

He rolled his eyes. "It would be nice if we could just forget about that."

"I agree. I think that there's a few things that we should forget about."

"Like?"

"Like…you being into me." 

Erlings eyes left the road.

"Nicole told me."

"I'm surprised it wasn't Tim."

"Tim knows?"

"Everyone's knows." He chuckled.

You shook your head, "Since when have you liked me?"

"Erm...since the day I met you."

You were quite lost for words. You never knew Erling to be so open about his feelings. To you he had been just another guy, dreaming about playing football. Perhaps there was more to him than you thought.

"When you and Nicole first started hanging out," Erling said, hands steady on the wheeI, occasionally glancing your way. "I would ask her about you, what you're like and so on."

"Really? That's so sweet of you. But why didn't you just ask me yourself?"

He shrugged, "Believe it or not Y/N, I'm not really great at talking to girls."

"You know what...." You nodded. "I believe you."

He nudged you with his elbow, seeing the smile on your face. The car fell silent after that, the road passing you by. You still hadn't set things straight with Erling, but after seeing another side of him you became curious.

"There's another lake around here somewhere, no?" You turned your head to look out the window. "A smaller one?"

"Yeah, it's literally called, little lake." Erling said.

"Could we maybe go there?"

"Right now?" He frowned.

"Yes."

It was an odd request coming from you. But a smaller lake meant that the sun heated up the water faster. And unlike what everyone thought, you did enjoy going for a swim. And with the sun set low in the sky it was the perfect condition for a quick dip.

"Did you even bring any swimwear?" Erling questioned. He had broken out of the group, taking his car off the road and driving towards Little Lake. The water was still when you arrived and to Erling's surprise you stripped yourself of your clothes and waded out in the water in only your underwear.

"Are you coming or are you just gonna stand there and watch me?" You said.

Erling needed no other conformation. He was tugging his shirt over his head and running out to catch up with you. The two of you dove into the water and swam around the deep end until the sun disappeared behind the forest trees.

"We should head back." You said, afraid that you'd eventually get too tired to make it back to shore. Erling must have noticed this, because he pulled you towards him and raised you above the water by carrying you in his arms.

"God, you're tall." You smiled. "Tall people never drown."

"Is that so?" He chuckled and carried you back to the beach, refusing to let you walk on your own two feet until you reached his car.

"I don't want this night to end." You found yourself saying. You also found yourself tucking hair behind Erling ear as a strand looked to have bothered his eyes.

"It's gonna get dark soon." He said.

"Yes, but I still don't want this night with you to end."

"Perhaps we could get some food? How about hot dogs?"

You smiled. "I think I have a better idea." 

You stepped up to him, placing your hands on his damped torso. His muscles flinched below the palm of your hands as Erling kept his eyes on you.

"Are you sure?" He asked, before you even puckered up to kiss him.

"Yes." You nodded. "I'm sure."

"Again, it was all the confirmation he needed to lean down and capture your lips. All he needed was the confession that you liked him back.

What followed was a hot minute of making out, your mouths devouring each other until the desperate gasp for air. Erling then led you to his car, the back of it, so that you could lay down across the passenger seat.

You bit your lip as his cold fingertips slid your panites down your legs. His hands then went under your knees, pulling your hips to meet his face that tucked into the car as he bent down to lick you clean.

"Fuck." You gasped, a hand running through his hair. "Yes Erling, right there."

His tongue found its way to pleasure you in all the right places. And he kept at it as if the need to make you come was his mission in life.

"Please." You squirmed, wanting him to stop before it happened. "I need you."

"I need you to." Erling grunted, his hand reaching for your breast under your bra.

"No, Erling." You gasped, eyes squinting as he squeezed your nipple. "I need you, inside of me, now."

He raised his head to look at you, his lips plump from sucking your clit.

"Please." You said, to which he stood, hands tugging down his swimming trunks. He was already hard and big, bigger than you thought. He rushed to retrieve a condom out of his glove compartment, dressing his dick with the rubber. Once it was on he placed himself between your thighs and slid inside of you to the sound of you moaning his name. It was perfect, he was perfect. What a way to end the night. With a swim around a lake and a potentially new boyfriend.

The End

[monstermoviedean]

i just get scared that media is pushing us to have less in common and eventually we'll all sit on these hyperindividualized little islands of loneliness and isolation

[mudstoneabyss]

actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)

[luminarai]

You know when you read a piece of fiction - book, short story, fanfic, what have you - and there’s just one tiny detail that just takes you completely out of the story?

I just read a passage in a piece of original fiction where the main character hugs a friend and tells us she smells like the ‘delicate rose and jasmine of her familiar Chanel No 5’ and my brain just screeched to a halt. Tell me you googled ‘famous fancy perfume’ and picked the first two scent notes you saw without telling me. Many things can be said about that particular fragrance I don’t think anybody with a working nose would describe it as ‘delicate florals’.

[seraphsfire]

...

[roselise]

Omg the freckles 👀🙂

My friend ~ ! . ⊹ ˚ ♡ 🎀

Hello and a very happy day to you c:

Well, yes!

I suppose they come from my father’s side as my grandfather had some as well !! ♡

I did not use to like people seeing them, as I thought I might be prettier if I covered them up .. but that was most tedious and impractical so I stopped :’)

(And I sort of gave up on that anyway — I do not think God intended me to be particularly beautiful or attractive, but He did make me special and I am trying to appreciate the unique qualities He gave me! Being unique is a very good thing I think after all)

What about you, nice anon ?? I am sure you have some really neat and special qualities about you, too !! ♡ ♡

And I think that is the best honestly, I just love how different and special we all are :D

Thank you very very much for the ask! It was really nice to hear from you ♡

I send all my happiest hugs, and lots of love to you !! Please take care, and have a bright and blessed day ~ !! XOXO

♡ * 🎀 ｡⁺ * 🧸

🧁 ˚ . ⊹ · ｡ ♡

♡ . 🤍 * ⊹ * 🤍 ⊹

[dutybcrne]

Prior to The Confrontation, it wasn’t uncommon for Kaeya to ask Diluc to read over things for him, to correct it or because he couldn’t get certain words. It started because Kaeya needed a little help with his lessons and reading, then continued when it was clear Kaeya still struggled with certain things, especially when it came to paperwork and letters written in fancier script when they joined the knights.

[polaroidcats]

“also the whole coming out late in life and feeling like you missed out on teenage experiences thing hit me HARD” yes this exactly! I felt so seen!

honestly, watching heartstopper brings me so much queer joy and i love it, but there's also always a tiny part of me that's sad that I didn't get any of those kinds of teenage experiences because I was still so closeted and in denial back then, and the whole Mr. Farouk and Mr Ajayi storyline made me kinda emotional because it was so perfect, and such a good contrast to all the queer teen storylines!

[victorluvsalice]

AU Thursday: Smiler's Otherland -- Outfits!

Time to cover what Smiler's wearing during all these adventures in Alice's Wonderland, Victor's Otherland, and their own Otherland! My attitude toward their various outfits can be summed up thusly --

AAAAAAAAH WHY DID I GIVE EVERYBODY SO MANY DOMAINS WHY DID I DO VICTOR VERSIONS OF ALICE'S DLC STUFF NOW I FEEL OBLIGED TO DO THEM FOR SMILER TOO SO MANY FUCKING OUTFITS AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

*coughs* Uh, yes -- got rather a lot to get through here! ^^; And I fully admit that I am struggling to come up with an outfit for every domain and situation -- as indicated above, it's a lot of fucking outfits! Especially when you remember that I also have to do outfits for Alice and Victor for Smiler's domains... *facepalm* Anyway, here's what I have settled on for the time being:

Smiler's Outfits:

Smiler's Own Otherland --

Smile Always: The equivalent of Alice's "Classic" blue dress, this is what Smiler wears in their own Smile Street domain, as well as any domain in Alice's Wonderland or Victor's Otherland that doesn't prompt a unique outfit (such as the Vale of Tears or the Living Dead Forest). It's a yellow-and-black-striped suit (think the variant Beetlejuice suit (courtesy of @the-crypt-o-club) my Smiler Van Liddelton Sim sometimes wears in their vampiric dark form -- actually, don't think that, let me just show you:

Cripes, remember when Smiler used to live in Britechester? This is a blast from the past...)

Anyway, yes -- yellow-and-black-striped suit jacket and pants like the above; black waistcoat with decorative yellow stitching; a yellow-black-and-white spiral tie (picture one of the eyes of The Smiler logo overlaid on a tie); white shirt; and black shoes with yellow laces. They are basically the exit tunnel from The Smiler coaster in human form. :p Oh, yeah, and if their eyes don't naturally glow bright yellow, they do now! Which holds true for all of their Wonderland outfits.

Neurological Reprogram: The outfit for their X-Sector domain, based off of Dr. Gladwell's outfit from the Smiler Takeover "Fear Test!" Gladwell's outfit, for reference, is a white labcoat that buttons up in the front (in a kind of wrap-around style, though it doesn't go very far around), a white shirt, a black-and-white-striped tie, black pants, black shoes, and yellow glasses. Smiler's outfit is very similar in make, but is a little more colorful, as is their wont -- a yellow wrap-around labcoat; a white shirt; a yellow-and-black-striped tie; black-and-white-striped pants; black shoes; and yellow spiral goggles. Gotta lean into that yellow!

Let Me Entertain You: The outfit for their Musical Mayhem domain, based off Felix E. Lated's outfit from the Celebration Stage! Felix's outfit, for reference, is a glittery yellow jacket, a yellow shirt, a black-and-white-striped bow tie, black pants, and white shoes. Once again, Smiler's outfit is similar in make, but has a bit more color and a few more patterns -- a slightly longer glittery yellow coat (going down to about the top of Smiler's thighs) covered in sequined black and white spirals; a yellow shirt; a rainbow-striped bow tie; black pants with white stripes; and white shoes with yellow laces. Because they gotta stand out on that stage. :p

Ministry: The outfit for their Sanctuary domain, which in this case doesn't have a specific inspiration (though it is supposed to have Kelman vibes, at least) -- a pale gray suit jacket and pants; a white shirt; a slightly darker gray waistcoat; a white tie with the Sanctuary Logo stitched on it in black; and black shoes. Basically, this outfit is meant to be completely clinical and colorless, which Smiler absolutely hates. But well, this is the suit that goes with the domain where all their fears and anxieties live, so why should it be something Smiler LIKES?

Alice's Wonderland --

Splashdown: Smiler's Deluded Depths outfit! This is an old-timey bathing costume like the one Victor wears, only Smiler's top is more like a tank top, and their shorts are shorter, as they're more comfortable showing more skin. The suit has alternating black, white, and yellow stripes, with the yellow stripes glowing. And instead of Victor's seaweed tie and waistcoat, they have a straw boater hat dyed black with a yellow hatband, attached to them with a black chin strap -- so it can be worn on their head or left to float slightly behind their neck. Nice and summery for the waters of Wonderland!

Fifty-Two Pickup: Smiler's Queensland outfit -- and for those of you who remember the first "Sharp-Dressed Victor" post and are like "wait, isn't that the name of Victor's Queensland outfit?" -- well, Smiler's stealing the name because I feel it suits them better. XD (I'm trying to come up with a new name for Victor's outfit -- "Aces Wild" sounds good...) Anyway, it's a dark purple suit jacket and pants; a white shirt; a dark yellow waistcoat with decorative purple stitching; a white tie with the card suits embroidered on it in red and black stitching; and black shoes with purple laces. Figured this one would be a good one to lean into the purple with, given that "royal purple" is a thing.

Advocate: Smiler's Dollhouse outfit! The inspiration behind this one are the various costumes the actual ride employees wear, because I figured it wouldn't be hard to put a more "kiddie" spin on those. As such, the outfit consists of yellow overalls over a black-and-white-striped shirt; black-and-white-striped high socks; and purple shoes just for fun. Very bright, and something I could see a young Smiler wearing under the right circumstances.

Hysterical: Smiler's "Hysteria Mode" outfit! Yes, they get access to Hysteria Mode, though in their case they're not so much bloody as they are glitchy -- the inspiration for this suit is the static and glitches that show up in the various Marmaliser videos and the Smiler Shop TV. We have a white suit speckled all over with lots of little multicolored squares (black, gray, yellow, red, green, and blue) that are meant to look like pixel-y static, with larger concentrations on the left shoulder and right leg; a matching white waistcoat with more squares sprinkled across it; a white shirt; and black shoes. Their eyes also become full black-white-yellow spirals, like in The Smiler logo, with yellow "blood" leaking down their cheeks, and their grin stretches PAINFULLLY wide across their face. Their weapons all end up splattered with yellow and purple "blood" as well -- and as indicated in the Weapons post, this is the only time any of them do direct damage, instead of just stunning enemies or turning them over to Smiler's side. Basically, Smiler is Laughing Mad when they're in this state -- best to give them their space!

Victor's Otherland --

Paintbrush Person -- Smiler's Sketchbook World outfit! Which, as you might imagine, is inspired by a paintbrush. XD Look, Victor's suit for this world is inspired by his sketchbook, while Alice's dress is inspired by the pencil she favors for sketching -- I had to keep to the theme! (And yes, after realizing I called Victor's suit "Paperman," I decided Alice's dress had to be "Pencil Girl," and thus...) Though I partly chose a paintbrush because it was an easy way to get some yellow tones into the outfit -- gotta keep on theme there too. Anyway, this is a suit with a golden jacket and waistcoat (to represent the metal "ferrule" that holds the bristles); a black shirt with a pinstripe pattern (for the bristles themselves); a tie that's all multicolored splotches like paint splatter; black pants patterned with grey swirls to suggest wood grain (for the actual handle); and black shoes.

Still In Progress --

Hatter's Domain: This is one of the outfits I've been struggling with, since -- well, as seen above, Smiler already has a "tech domain" outfit for their own Otherland, and I wanted to make this one distinct. The best option I've come up with so far is to base it off of the magician from Meet The Ministry, since that's guy's black outfit with the long black coat actually matches Alice's Steamdress and Victor's Steamsuit aesthetically the most. (Though I imagine Smiler's will have yellow worked into it -- maybe a yellow shirt or waistcoat?). I also don't know what I'm going to call it -- feels like it should be Steam-something, but... *shrug*

The Mysterious East: I have no idea what I'm going to do with this one -- I guess by necessity it would have to look like Victor's jacket and pants, and I could probably do purple silk with yellow, black, and white patterns, but I don't know what those patterns would be and how to make their version more unique. Hmmm...

The Butterfly Jungle: I almost know what I want to do with this one -- I want it to be based off Sir Algernon (or possibly Sir Algenon, I've seen both spellings), the explorer character who's become a kind of mascot for Alton Towers, and call the outfit "Sir Algie." I'm just having a little trouble pulling it all together -- especially since there's two distinct looks to work with. The Sir A animatronic on the airship in the Alton Towers hotel sports a classic flight cap with a propeller on it and a pilot's brown jacket with a fuzzy collar; while the Sir A performer is a much more classic steampunky gentleman, with a long brown coat, a waistcoat, and a fancy top hat (along with long flowing curly locks). I really like the propeller flight cap for Smiler, and the waistcoat -- I KIND OF want the jacket as well, but I worry that it'll be too hot for the Jungle. Just something I need to think about more.

The Magic Tower: I really don't know what this one will look like yet, I just know that purple and yellow swirls are a MUST. Though, thinking about it, I always have them as having a love for chemistry, so maybe something that makes people think "alchemist?" Hmmmm...

Orchestralia: Another outfit where the problem is "they have their own musical domain and thus their own musical domain outfit, so how do I make this one distinct from that?" Looking at Victor and Alice's stuff, I went with "stripes and musical notes" as a key theme for both -- maybe Smiler has something similar, only their stripes and notes are at an angle or otherwise a bit wonky? And their version would definitely have to be more colorful... Pondering continues!

Victor And Alice's Outfits:

Updates To Previous Outfits --

Beloved(s): Okay, so -- you know how I've been calling Victor's blue suit that matches Alice's dress "Classic" or "Alice Classic?" Well, I had a brainwave a little while ago, and decided that it should instead be "Beloved" to reflect the fact that he's dressing like his beloved. :) And thus, when he's in a situation where he's with Alice AND Smiler, the suit changes to "Beloveds," and gains elements to reflect both of them! Basically what I was thinking is that the suit jacket and pants stay Alice blue, and the shirt white, but Victor now has a yellow waistcoat, yellow socks, and a tie that has a smoky yellow-and-purple swirl pattern on it. And their tie clip is now a silver A and a golden S joined together. All of it reflecting just how much he loves both of them. <3

Smiler's Otherland --

Joytide: Alice's X-Sector dress, based on the outfit the Agent Joytide actors wore in the Fear Test! Because if Smiler's got the Gladwell look going on... It's sort of like the Dollhouse dress when it comes to the basic fit, but the top is black leather with big yellow buttons, while the skirt is yellow and black plaid patches that don't really line up with each other. Her boots also get yellow laces, and her eye shadow turns yellow, natch.

Agent: Victor's X-Sector suit, based on the outfits of the wandering Ministry agents during the Takeover! It's a nice simple black suit with a bright yellow shirt; a black-and-white-striped tie; a spiral-patterned yellow and black waistcoat; yellow socks; and black shoes. Oh, and sunglasses if appropriate. :p I thought the look suited him well.

Get Corrected: Alice's Sanctuary dress, based off -- well. Based off the straitjacket "dress" she gets in the Rutledge section of Alice: Madness Returns, because Sanctuary is a horrible asylum along those same lines! Though, at least in THIS dress, Alice has her arms free if she needs to fight... The outfit itself is a drab, off-white, sleeveless gown with a limp skirt hanging down just below her knees, and a bunch of black leather belts around the bodice, secured in the back, with the Sanctuary logo stitched above her right breast in black. Her signature omega is tied around her neck with a fraying string. Oh, and no boots -- much like in the Rutledge hallucination, she has to go barefoot. I'm sure she's thrilled. :p

Cedars: Victor's Sanctuary suit, based off the outfits of the male patients in Alice's Rutledge hallucination! And also the kind of stuff Miles Cedars was wearing during his time as Kelman's patient in the Smile Always series, hence the name. It's a dull gray t-shirt top with the Sanctuary logo stitched over the right side of his chest, and matching dull gray drawstring pants that don't QUITE reach his ankles. And yes, again, no shoes for the "patient." Someone get these people some socks at least, I'm sure those floors are cold.

Still In Progress --

Musical Mayhem: The only thing I know right now about Victor and Alice's outfits for this domain is that they'll have to be glittery to match Smiler's. I suspect Alice will be in something blue and white, but I'm not sure exactly what the dress will look like yet...and Victor's suit is a complete mystery. I'll come up with something, I'm sure, but I need to think about it some more.

Whew -- yeah, it is a lot, isn't it? And I haven't even finished all the domains yet...or done Smiler versions of the A:MR DLC dresses. *thunks head against desk* Basically, expect an update to this post at some point in the future, once I've puzzled a few more things out.

[kittydoesthings]

I gave all my splatoons haircuts