#but its still cool to see everyone on the island be queer and get to experience queer love

[poethebeloved]

It's so interesting that shipping/romance is such a big aspect of the qsmp. like of course it's a aspect of fan culture like with any other fandom, but it's also important to the storyline. these characters are motivated by their attraction, they make decisions around pursuing the one they love, and they are emotionally affected by rejection and flirting. and its not just fanservice, we have seen with guapoduo and fooligetta that these characters are forming meaningful relationships with narratively satisfying payoffs. idk how common this is in smps, but the fact that the creators have made it so important is so fascinating to me

[theresattrpgforthat]

Hi, I'm looking for a TTRPG mostly about romance that isn't just for 2 players. I know Thirsty Sword Lesbians exists but I was wondering what else is out there?

THEME: Romance

Hello friend! Here's a few games that are about romance in one way or another. You might also want to check out my Make it Gay post if you are looking for specifically queer romance stories.

The Love Balloon, by Mythworks. The Love Balloon is a light roleplaying story game for 2-6 players inspired by the wholesome yet innuendo-laden sitcoms of the late 70’s and early 80’s - shows like The Love Boat, Fantasy Island, and Three’s Company.  

No other ship has sailed the winds more than the magnificent Cloud Nine. Welcome at any port, its guests - from Kings and Presidents, to Celebrities and Athletes, Dentists and even Stowaways  -  all have attested to the ship's magical voyages of the heart.  Come book your stay today and experience what it's like to float your troubles away!

This is a GM-less game that is meant to replicate a sitcom, with six characters to be controlled by the table. There are some guidelines as to the kinds of characters that will be present in this sitcom; part of the story has already been built for you. The details of each character are still up to you, and who falls in love with who is tied to both character choice and roll of the dice. Each day on the float will see characters run into each-other and engage in minor adventures, romantic escapades, and interpersonal conflict.

This game is less of an immersive experience and feels more like you as the table are a writers room, figuring out the plot of a sitcom. There are roll tables for the crew member and the guests involved in the plot, as well as for port of calls and hi-jinx. This is a great game for folks who want to deal with romantic themes at a comfortable distance, as well as folks that like a game with more light-hearted themes. There’s a lot of structure to The Love Balloon, similar to a recipe for a sitcom episode, so if you want heavy drama or spontaneity, then you might want to look somewhere else.

The Rain Still Falls In My Heart, by Roz.

The Rain Still Falls in my Heart is a one page table-top roleplaying game about messy high school relationships and purple prose; it's a game about girls and lesbians of all genders. Nothing is straight forward at this school; everyone has a secret and a past, and nobody knows how to talk about their true feelings.

This is for all of the fanfic writers out there. You are all students in a girls school, and you’re all lesbians. This is a game about complicated backstories, poetic infatuation, and overreactions. When something terrible happens, you will flip a coin to see whether you compose yourself or be honest. I love the options for Compose Yourself. You either keep your cool (and make her think that you don’t even care) or overreact (and lose your cool, break something, or run away).

If you want a simple game that embodies the most dramatic elements of shoujo anime, this might be the game for you. If you want a game where you roll dice, or a game with more complex character creation, you might need to look somewhere else.

Grave Liaisons, by Yugie.

Grave Liasons is a PvP roleplaying game powered by chocolate where you play as nosy ghosts trying to ensure that their descendants get matched with the perfect partner (according to them).

While playing, players take on the roles of SPIRITS, who are trying to ensure or prevent a match, and DESCENDANTS, who are just normal people looking for love. 

This is a funky little game that uses chocolates to represent your ability to influence the world around you. Each player is both a nosy ghost and the descendant of someone else. As ghosts, they will meddle in the affairs of their descendants, in the hopes of providing a suitable match. Your chocolates represent your spooky powers, which are undefined in the game, so you’ll have to come up with them yourself. One of my favourite rules is for what to do when you run out of chocolate hearts - you can hold onto someone else’s chocolate and tell them “I’ve stolen your heart” in the most romantic voice you have, and then it belongs to you!

Thunder in our Hearts, by Card Zero Press.

YOU are a member of a wedding party about to pull off THE BEST WEDDING EVER. You and your friends in the party are under the impression that you only have 24 HOURS left to make sure everything goes smoothly - 12 to finalize your preparation, and 12 to pull off the ceremony and reception. 

You and your friends are wrong. 

You are about to find yourselves trapped in a loop of those same 24 hours, living and reliving them as many times as it takes to identify every complication, refine the wedding, and get it right. No one besides you will remember the previous loops as clear as day, but make a strong enough impression on someone in one loop and it might carry to the next. What you do here matters. What you do here has to matter, if you ever want your friends to get married and stay that way. 

This basically a heist game but instead of pulling of a heist, you’re pulling off a wedding. Throughout the 24 hour time loop, you’ll have to deal with unruly guests, unforeseen hazards, and your own feelings about your two friends getting married. I don’t think this game is specifically about your characters’ romantic prospects, but rather your characters rallying together to make your friends happy. If you want a fresh take on a tried-and-true genre, this might be the game for you.

Second-hand Love, by DarkerLarper.

The ship of your dreams glides over the pelagic water, just to you. It beckons, This mysterious figure known only as the Captain is looking to find their right hand. 

Compete against your fellow players for the chance at the Captain's booty er… love. 

Or if the bachelor was about pirates 

Second-Hand Love is a game centred on relationships and building connections to gain favor. It is designed for 4-6 players, and it looks great for campy, dramatic stories. This is a game that has room for PVP, sexual interactions, and romance galore, although you can certainly customize it to fit whatever boundaries you have at the table. If you want a game that’s all about love and profit, if you want full spicy drama and plenty of chances to work both with and against your fellow players, you should check this game out.

Games I've Recommended in the Past

Eyes on the Prize, by ira prince.

Le Bon Ton, by RobotFrancis.

[agalnamedlunasea]

*shakes a bag of treats to lure out your DR headcanons*

Psspsspsspsspss

ALRIGHT YOU’VE CONVINCED ME but im putting this under a readmore bc ive got charts and shit

Sexuality

Aspec

Gender

SO I think the charts mostly speak for themselves? I definitely don't have the energy to go into *every* individual person nor do I necessarily have much to say about some of em, so I'll only go into detail about ones I have particularly strong thoughts about/ things to say. But feel free to ask specifics! Can't guarantee I'll be able to answer but still. ANYWAY SO

I wanna start by saying I am the least confident in my aspec headcanons? They're extremely flexible moment to moment and I'm not attached to many of them. I could see almost anyone almost anywhere with only a handful of exceptions, honestly

I almost put a "cis but they've still got something goin on" category on the gender one,,, I woulda put the antags, Yasuhiro, Sonia, Angie, Gonta, maybe a couple others in there,,,

Not really represented here but im a big fan of genderfluid imposter and byakuya

All the protags are trans, and also they're all bi except komaru, fun fact 👍

Literally all of em are queer in some fashion, as you can tell from the fact that I forgot to put a "straight" category on the chart...

Anyway some in particular that im fond of that ive not really talked about before:

I love love love hc Aoi as a nonbinary lesbian. Its like,, lowkey projection,,, but I think its supported by the text. She's got some hang-ups surrounding womanhood and being a woman and how that relates to her relationship with men (im thinking specifically of her last fte). I think it would be a nice resolution to that struggle for her to shed the expectations she feels entirely and embrace who she is, even if its different from what she feels like she's "supposed" to be. Idk I think its a natural conclusion

I enjoy nonbinary chihiro for a similar reason. I think it would also be a natural conclusion to her struggles with gender and what masculinity and femininity means to them

And somewhat related I hc sakura as a cis lesbian also bc of her struggles with femininity?? I like the idea of her conclusion being to embrace her femininity wholeheartedly. She enjoys being feminine but has a hard time reconciling that with her strength. Id like to see her enjoy both of those things about her

Hm i wonder if those say anything about me, im not projecting even a little bit

I hc that akane is pan but for the longest time she just. Doesn't realize not everyone is like that? It was never even something to think about for her. Like she'll be talking to nekomaru and she's like "really you've never thought a girl was hot? Never? Men, I get ya, but *no* girls? That's possible?" And nekomaru gives her the most disappointed stare.

Idk why but nagito and nekomaru being the only gay men on the island is a lil funny to me

Also. I read a singular fic where nagito was demisexual and I was like ok you've convinced me (can you tell. I am. Easily convinced. About this kind of thing)

I go back and forth on whether I hc izuru as pan or aroace. Things like gender don't really matter to him, I just can't decide how that would work in terms of attraction for him 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

I would just like to call attention to transfem hiroko hagakure. Good for her

Rantaro. Feels v aroace to me. In that way where everyone who likes men is like "wow he's so pretty I can't believe he doesn't have a partner id love to date him I wonder if he's interested in anyone" and then he's just like "hey you guys check out this cool thing I found". Like the reverse of bi but noone wants him. Attractive but doesn't want anyone. I can see aspec tho. But that boy is definitely not allo

Once again. Idk why. But kiyotaka, nekomaru, nagito, and kokichi being the only gay men on the chart. Is a lil funny to me. Idk Idk Idk

Ummmm I think thats most of what I wanna say??? I might elaborate more another time but there's that 👍

[moonshinesapphic]

So you were disappointed in Throne of Glass...

 (DISCLAIMER: This post does not intend to offend anyone who loves ToG. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and likes and dislikes and is allowed to express that. This post is meant to share books that have similar qualities to ToG for people who were disappointed in the series, like myself, but anyone who does like ToG can absolutely find great recs here! However, if you don’t want to hear anything ToG critical I recommend skipping over this post. Thank you!)

So last week I finally got rid of all my ToG books. I was mostly relieved that I now have more room on my bookshelf but I also felt a little sad. It was a series I really enjoyed when I first read it two years ago, and on some level it will always have a special place for me. It was one of the many books that got me back into reading after a five year slump, it’s the reason I became friends with the wonderful Nicole (@/rainbowbooktheif on Instagram) who was the first person irl to make me feel less alone as a bookish nerd, and it, unintentionally, helped me hone my critical reading skills. However, I slowly began to care less and less for the story and characters as the series progressed and ended up not reading the last two books because I just stopped caring. I wondered why a series that I loved so much in the beginning went down hill so fast for me, but in the process of falling out of love with ToG I realized I wasn’t the only one who felt this way about the series! The lack of diversity (and misrepresentation/mistreatment of diverse characters when they were there), sexism, lazy editing and lackluster world building, among other things, came up many times for me and other former ToG fans when discussing why we became disappointed in the series. But the pitch for the book (badass morally gray assassin taking down a tyrant king for her freedom, so cool!) and some of the elements (romance, female friendships, magic, trials) sounded so amazing even though in the end it was executed poorly. So, I decided to compile a list of books that I have read and loved that have some elements and themes of ToG. This list is by no means exhaustive and is limited by the books that I have read (which is not many when you look at how many books exist in the world) so I would love to see your recommendations! Please feel free to add onto this post any recs that you have! Now onto the list!

1) Graceling by Kristin Cashore

I read this book the summer before I started ToG and completely loved it. It was one of the early books that got me back into reading and it was honestly the perfect book for that. It was exciting and I couldn’t put it down. It follows an assassin for a tyrannical king who begins to realize her own gifts for killing are more then she ever thought they could be. Cashore does a fantastic job developing the lead character Katsa and the ways that she dolls out information to the readers slowly is impeccable. While this book is technically the first in a trilogy of books taking place in the Graceling world, it can be read as a standalone fantasy (which I feel like are very rare). Another part of this book that I really loved was the romance. I usually don’t read very many straight romances (due to the sexist/problematic aspects many of the ones that I’ve read have) but the relationship between Katsa and Po is honestly a breath of fresh air when you’re used to a lot of toxicity and sexism with cishet romances in books. The two take care of each other and their relationship is very balanced. There are no gender roles pushed on either of them and they truly grow to become a team throughout the story and it’s wonderful to see! I would consider Katsa and Po, while canonically cis (there isn’t any explicit queer rep in this book), both quite androgynous characters who often express themselves in a fluid manner which I really appreciate. Over all this is an amazing classic YA fantasy that everyone should check out!

Synopsis: “Katsa has been able to kill a man with her bare hands since she was eight—she’s a Graceling, one of the rare people in her land born with an extreme skill. As niece of the king, she should be able to live a life of privilege, but Graced as she is with killing, she is forced to work as the king’s thug.

She never expects to fall in love with beautiful Prince Po.

She never expects to learn the truth behind her Grace—or the terrible secret that lies hidden far away . . . a secret that could destroy all seven kingdoms with words alone.

With elegant, evocative prose and a cast of unforgettable characters, debut author Kristin Cashore creates a mesmerizing world, a death-defying adventure, and a heart-racing romance that will consume you, hold you captive, and leave you wanting more.”

2) Three Dark Crowns by Kendare Blake

This book is the first in a five book series about three royal sisters raised to battle it out for the throne. I must admit the first book in the series is a little lackluster due to the fact that it’s setting up a lot but the second book just blows everything out of the water in a fantastic way. This series is dark and bloody and intriguing. I got completely hooked on this series and it brought out a lot of emotion to the point where I was gasping and shouting and throwing my book around as I was reading it (I got very invested)! I think that’s one of the things SJM can do well is get you hooked on her characters and Kendare can do the same (if not better). I love the dynamic between the sisters, this book does a great job at exploring the darker side of familial and female/female relationships (mostly platonic.. there isn’t very much queer rep unfortunately) that I really appreciate. The magic system and wolrdbuliding are also something that I enjoyed and I though was quite well done. Kendare does a good job at weaving in worldbuilding and magic system seamlessly into the story and I love that so much. Three Dark Crowns is just a fun and exciting series that I think anyone who loves fantasy YA should check out!

Synopsis: “ In every generation on the island of Fennbirn, a set of triplets is born—three queens, all equal heirs to the crown and each possessor of a coveted magic. Mirabella is a fierce elemental, able to spark hungry flames or vicious storms at the snap of her fingers. Katharine is a poisoner, one who can ingest the deadliest poisons without so much as a stomachache. Arsinoe, a naturalist, is said to have the ability to bloom the reddest rose and control the fiercest of lions.

But becoming the Queen Crowned isn’t solely a matter of royal birth. Each sister has to fight for it. And it’s not just a game of win or lose…it’s life or death. The night the sisters turn sixteen, the battle begins.

The last queen standing gets the crown. “

3) The Priory of the Orange Tree by Samantha Shannon

So a little disclaimer, this book is one of my favorite fantasy books of all time. I read it over the span of a few months last summer (its a long one guys...800+ pages) and it was one of the greatest, most well thought out fantasy books I’d ever had the pleasure of reading. I loved the characters, the world, the plot, the magic system etc. I loved everything! There’s some great political intrigue, dragon riders, epic battles, prophecies, weddings, funerals, romance and just general badassery and kickassery happening. Shannon clearly put so much time and effort into this book and it shows. That kind of dedication that shows is something that I really appreciate in a book, especially a fantasy book. Another aspect that I loved so so much is the diversity in this book. It came so naturally and didn’t at all feel like tokenism. The characters, with their differing genders, ethnicities, sexualities, ages, and nationalities etc, and their relationships with each other are truly what made the story. This book also has one of the BEST f/f romances I’ve ever read (as a queer woman I really loved that representation so much and felt very connected to both of those characters). Priory is a long one but if you have the time I highly recommend it.

Synopsis: “ A world divided. A queendom without an heir. An ancient enemy awakens.

The House of Berethnet has ruled Inys for a thousand years. Still unwed, Queen Sabran the Ninth must conceive a daughter to protect her realm from destruction – but assassins are getting closer to her door.

Ead Duryan is an outsider at court. Though she has risen to the position of lady-in-waiting, she is loyal to a hidden society of mages. Ead keeps a watchful eye on Sabran, secretly protecting her with forbidden magic.

Across the dark sea, Tané has trained to be a dragonrider since she was a child, but is forced to make a choice that could see her life unravel.

Meanwhile, the divided East and West refuse to parley, and forces of chaos are rising from their sleep. “

4) Truthwitch by Susan Dennard

As a queer woman, I’m always a little on edge when someone mentions f/f friendship in a book. This is entirely because of the erasure many many f/f romances experience when they are just brushed off as friendships (we’ve all heard the term “gal pals”). It’s frustrating and even though I love a good f/f friendship when the f/f romances get erased and replaced by friendships it gets exhausting. However, Truthwitch is a true f/f friendship that I can fully get behind! Dennard is an author that I had been following for writing tips for a while before I finally picked up her book. I knew that she’s someone who is invested in making her series diverse, even if she herself doesn’t fit into those categories, and accepts criticism because she want’s to do her characters justice. That’s something I really appreciate seeing from white cishet authors and is one of the reasons I picked up Truthwitch. It’s so much fun and the heart of the story truly is the relationship between the two leads Safi and Iseult. Their friendship reminds me a lot of my relationship with my friends. Books about f/f relationships (romantic or otherwise) are few and far between so I really love that this book exists. Strong platonic relationships are so often pushed aside for cishet romantic ones so it’s SO refreshing to see a series where the book would not exist without Safi and Iseult’s bond. They are truly soulmates and their relationship with each other is the most important one in their lives and that is just beautiful. Not to mention this book has got an awesome magic system and is building up to an amazing fantasy series! There’s pirates, priestesses, princes and, of course, witches! It’s loads of fun all around!

Synopsis: “ Young witches Safiya and Iseult have a habit of finding trouble. After clashing with a powerful Guildmaster and his ruthless Bloodwitch bodyguard, the friends are forced to flee their home.

Safi must avoid capture at all costs as she's a rare Truthwitch, able to discern truth from lies. Many would kill for her magic, so Safi must keep it hidden - lest she be used in the struggle between empires. And Iseult's true powers are hidden even from herself.

In a chance encounter at Court, Safi meets Prince Merik and makes him a reluctant ally. However, his help may not slow down the Bloodwitch now hot on the girls' heels. All Safi and Iseult want is their freedom, but danger lies ahead. With war coming, treaties breaking and a magical contagion sweeping the land, the friends will have to fight emperors and mercenaries alike. For some will stop at nothing to get their hands on a Truthwitch. “

5) Monstress by Marjorie Liu (Writer) and Sana Takeda (Illustrator) 

Another disclaimer! This book is my favorite graphic novel, period. There is really nothing like Monstress out there and I think that it’s criminally underrated. Liu and Takeda are the perfect combo of writer/artist to make this GN come together. I’m constantly in awe of the world, characters, and story Liu built and the frankly stunning art Takeda creates to go along with it. It’s steampunk and dark and dirty and beautiful. The lead character, Maika, is one of the few truly morally gray characters that I’ve read. Her decisions will make you question if you’re a good person because you still love her despite the fact that she just killed that guy... and that guy... and those other guys. This graphic novel series is very reflective of the dark animes (like Tokyo Ghoul and Castlevania) that we are seeing more recently and I personally believe Monstress would make a fantastic animated series if it were ever to get an adaption. This book has also some great representation of queer women (Maika herself is a queer, disabled, WoC). It’s totally the norm for the world and all of the lead female characters are queer, which I just love. This story has amazing woldbulding, magic, characters etc. It’ll give you everything from giant dead gods, to talking cats with multiple tails, to demonically possessed teenage girls who need to eat people. It’s honestly amazing. (I would give a major trigger warning for blood/gore so as long as you know you can handle that I think you should check it out!)

Synopsis: “ Set in an alternate matriarchal 1900's Asia, in a richly imagined world of art deco-inflected steam punk, MONSTRESS tells the story of a teenage girl who is struggling to survive the trauma of war, and who shares a mysterious psychic link with a monster of tremendous power, a connection that will transform them both and make them the target of both human and otherworldly powers. “

6) The Bridge Kingdom by Danielle L. Jensen

I never thought I would love a cishet romance as much as I love this one but here I am. The Bridge Kingdom is not really the kind of book I would normally pick up but it was on sale on kindle so I thought “why not!” And I was not disappointed. This story follows the assassin princess, Lara, who was raised to be married off to her fathers rival kingdom and kill the king. However, things get sticky when she begins to actually fall for the king and starts to realize that her father isn’t exactly who he says he is. Not only was this romance steamy as hell (this is an ADULT book folks so there are some explicit sex scenes, beware) but the world is super cool. The political intrigue was something I really enjoyed and I loved to see the world unfold from Lara’s eyes. I also totally loved Lara’s character. She’s complicated and cutthroat but ultimately want’s to do what’s right and is a character made to change and develop. I usually don’t go for that character trope that Lara fits into (beautiful and badass and despite being the MCs they somehow end up being very bland...) but Jensen managed to create a very mature and ever changing version of the YA trope that I ended up loving completely. If you love steamy fantasy romances with cool worlds and intriguing characters this is absolutely the book for you!

Synopsis: “ Lara has only one thought for her husband on their wedding day: I will bring your kingdom to its knees. A princess trained from childhood to be a lethal spy, Lara knows that the Bridge Kingdom represents both legendary evil - and legendary promise. The only route through a storm-ravaged world, the Bridge Kingdom controls all trade and travel between lands, allowing its ruler to enrich himself and deprive his enemies, including Lara's homeland. So when she is sent as a bride under the guise of fulfilling a treaty of peace, Lara is prepared to do whatever it takes to fracture the defenses of the impenetrable Bridge Kingdom.

But as she infiltrates her new home - a lush paradise surrounded by tempest seas - and comes to know her new husband, Aren, Lara begins to question where the true evil resides. Around her, she sees a kingdom fighting for survival, and in Aren, a man fiercely protective of his people. As her mission drives her to deeper understanding of the fight to possess the bridge, Lara finds the simmering attraction between her and Aren impossible to ignore. Her goal nearly within reach, Lara will have to decide her own fate: Will she be the destroyer of a king or the savior of her people? “

[a-hundred-jewels]

cruel summer ch 12: i have these lucid dreams

Ao3 Wattpad

Summary: sabrina starr, pegasuses, and oh no! the fourth wall broke! do we have a carpenter in the audience?

Word Count: 9000 ish

Tags: Rachel Elizabeth Dare/Jane Penderwick, Rosalind Penderwick/Tommy Geiger, Nico di Angelo/Will Solace, Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson, Jane Penderwick, Rachel Elizabeth Dare, Rosalind Penderwick, Skye Penderwick, Chiron (Percy Jackson), Martin Penderwick, Elizabeth "Batty" Penderwick, Elizabeth Penderwick (senior), Iantha Aaronson-Penderwick, Ben Aaronson-Penderwick, Nico di Angelo, Will Solace, Annabeth Chase, Jeffrey Tifton-McGrath, Percy Jackson, Demeter (Percy Jackson), Apollo (Percy Jackson), Camp Half-Blood (Percy Jackson), Camp Half-Blood AU, Demigods, demeter!elizabeth penderwick, demeter!rosalind (second generation), demeter!batty (second generation), apollo!alec mcgrath, apollo!jeffrey (second generation), demeter!jane (second generation), demeter!skye (second generation), all of that's in no particular order, main focus is on jane because i love her and she's so so fun to write, tomsalind is there (and stuff will happen - i can't really say what, it will really be eventful though), yes of course there's solangelo, takes place right before Penderwicks In Spring, After Trials of Apollo, more tags to come??, Minor Swearing

Notes and Full Chapter below cut:

Hello everyone and welcome back! I'll admit, this is a little later today than I'd been planning to post (was hoping to get an early start), but hey! If the Puppet History season 4 finale can be late, then so can I!

First off, a massive massive thank you to waterbottle_stickers for being the best beta reader ever. This chapter would be a mess without you. Also, if you haven't already, please check out their enola holmes fic wherever you stray, i follow it's truly wonderful.

If you've been following me on tumblr, then you'll know that, in addition to reblogging an alarming quantity of good omens fanart, I've been making some plans for fics this month. The original plan from back in august was to post every day of the month, but... ahhh.... I just don't work that fast lmao. I'll have to be content with just posting a fair amount this month. Happy october! Anyway, stay tuned.

On this fine day, we've got two lovely QUEER fanfic recommendations that I'm very excited to share. Up first is one from the tumblr blog izzielizzie (which you should all absolutely check out! especially if you're into the one of us is lying fandom!). it centers around the skye/melissa pairing and their senior prom, which Skye is said to have only gone to last minute, and also wearing a lab coat, in a passage of the penderwicks at last. featuring some oblivious lesbians and also jane. once again a massive thanks to izzielizzie, as this fic is one of my favourites!. click here to take a look! (also keep an eye on her blog in general bc her penderwicks fics are awesome!)

The second fanfic is also one I'm very fond of, as it focuses on the siblinghood of skye and jane, which is one of my favourite topics on earth. check out rolling down the ancient high street by hanchewie/ramblemadlyon (tumblr and ao3 respectively) for the sibling antics of aroace skye and bisexual jane when the latter visits the former at her college in california! and, if you like it, ramblemadlyon has two other penderwicks fics from the past couple days that look fantastic as well, and that I look forward to reading.

This chapter is dedicated to my therapist, since I've decided this will be the month of oddly specific dedications. thank you for telling me to stop referring to cruel summer as my "trash baby" and help me recognize the true worth that it holds in my life.

Disclaimer: not my characters, you know the drill. Jeanne Birdsall and Rick Riordan are lucky ducks indeed. chapter title is (obviously) from "lucid dreams" by Juice WRLD.

FROM THE POV OF JANE PENDERWICK

The woods loomed around me, seeming as tall as buildings as they invited me in further. I took another step, the sharp pain of a pinecone digging into my foot barely registered in my mind. I kept walking. A crack sounded throughout the air, and, behind me, a tree splintered round its base and fell down, only inches away from crushing me dead, and completely blocking the path out.

Frightened, I began to run, looking for a way out of the forest. But no matter which way I went, there were only trees in front of me. Where was the path? Where was the grassy hill I had walked down to get in here in the first place. Had I even walked down that hill to begin with? Now that I thought about it, I wasn’t sure I remembered coming here. I wasn’t sure I remembered waking up this morning, or going to bed last night, or anything besides existing in the forest. Who was I? What was I doing here? How could I get out?

Panicking, I stood in the middle of a clearing, looking frantically at the trees around me, trying to find something familiar. Nothing. I was exhausted. How long had I been here? An hour? A day? A lifetime? I collapsed at the base of a tree, sobbing as I tried to remember. Something. Anything.

Then, a voice echoed around me. “Welcome,” it said, and my mind went black.

I bolt upright in bed, a scream halfway out of my throat. I clamp it back, not wanting to wake my cabinmates. Thin light whimpers through the window--enough for me to see my white-knuckle grip on the sheets, but not enough to pass as daylight.

What time is it?

Our cell phones don’t really work here--that was one of the first things Miranda told us when we arrived, and Batty’s been gleefully lording it over us that her Mp3 player will still play music and, like, function, while our smart phones recline sadly in our duffel bags. That being said, I don’t feel quite brave enough to get out of my bed just yet and tiptoe over to the big analog clock that Rio bought at a pawn shop in Colorado. Maybe my phone will at least show the time.

I reach under my bed and fumble for my duffel, hooking my pinky through the zipper loop and yanking it out onto my floor. My phone’s in the front pocket, buried under two pairs of headphones, several gum wrappers, and some strawberry leaves (?????). A piece of gum peels off the screen as I disentangle my phone, and I mentally chide my past self for being so messy.

My phone does not turn on. Big clock it is.

I tiptoe across the cold tile and peer around the tree.

5:45 .

Jesus Pagan Christ.

It’s too early to wake anyone up (as I think this, Batty lets out a snore to rival any crabby Tyrannosaurus Rex), so I wrap a blanket around myself like a criminally attractive burrito, and creep out onto the porch, with my notebook and pen tucked into my shirt.

As long as I live, I will never get tired of summer mornings. There’s something deeply lovely about the soft light of the still-sleepy, pink lemonade sun, the quiet anticipation of the cool air, damp from dew and preparing for the upcoming heat. At home in Cameron, Skye’s woken me up many an early morning to go for a run or do soccer drills or for a grueling “Seven Minute Workout Except You Don’t Follow The Rules And Torture Your Sister by Making It Actually A Forty-Nine Minute Workout.” (But it’s okay, I’m not bitter). But, as delightful as those experiences have all been, I don’t think Skye really gets it. The beauty of the summer morning is not what it can do for your workout schedule, but rather in its gentle softening of an otherwise boiling day. It is to be appreciated in the way that I am now, sitting curled up on this frighteningly creaky porch (I mean, seriously, who built this?) and calling up the Sabrina Starr section of my brain to try and write away the residual panic from my nightmare.

Sabrina sighed as the plane took off. She wasn’t sure if she should have followed the voice in her head telling her to come here. Saying it out loud--even just thinking it--made it sound ridiculous. A dream, a voice in her mind. Barely more than a whim.

Worse than that, Sabrina wasn’t even sure where this whim was taking her. On a napkin in her pocket, she’d scrawled everything she remembered about the dream from the night before. The dark sky, lit only with spiderwebs of lightning, the shadowy figure huddled on a beach and soaked through with rain. The voice crying for help.

And a name. Aeaea.

After she’d woken up, Sabrina had looked up Aeaea, too tired to fully connect why the name felt familiar. Her heart had sunk further after reading the Wikipedia entry, and a breath of hopelessness had left her lips. According to the internet, Aeaea was not a real place. It had been the island prison of Circe. Fiction wasn’t new to Sabrina, and neither was mythology (she recalled an adventure spent with a ghost called Rainbow from a few years back).

Fictional places, though, were another matter. How could she get somewhere if she didn’t know where she was going? Was she trusting her gut with too much this time?

Sabrina folded up the napkin and put it back in her pocket. There was no point in worrying about that now. She’d looked at enough maps to make a guess at where Aeaea might be if it was real. When she got there, she could get more information. Sabrina Starr had survived this long in her career of rescues and whims. She could survive one more adventure. Worst case scenario, she said to herself, I spend a few days running around for nothing and have to brush up on my Greek.

She repeated it to herself like a promise. Worst case scenario, worst case scenario… Eventually, tired out from all her anxieties, and from trying desperately not to worry about what would come next, Sabrina fell asleep.

FROM THE POV OF RACHEL ELIZABETH DARE

“Okay, I give up. Tell me what’s wrong.” Annabeth’s voice startles me away from my plate of eggs, which I had been pushing around with a fork. Anxiety bubbles in my throat, just as it had been since I woke up, and food just doesn’t sound like a good idea.

“I--what?”

Annabeth waves her hand impatiently. “Don’t play dumb. I’ve been talking to you for five minutes and I don’t think you’ve looked up once. Also you’re always hungry in the mornings, so unless you, like, ate an entire cow before I got here, this ,” she gestures to my uneaten eggs, “is unusual behaviour.”

I give her a look. Sometimes, I get the feeling that Annabeth exists as a part of multiple different dimensions at once, like she’s having four other conversations that I can’t hear, and is still ten steps ahead of me in the one I’m actually a part of.

Or maybe I’m just easy to read.

“Nothing’s wrong.” I don’t want to talk about it. “I’m fine.” I’m terrified.

Annabeth sighs. “Is this about the prophecy?”

“No,” I spear another piece of egg, and don’t eat it. “Maybe. Yes.” I feel like going back to my cave and staying there for the rest of my life. Waiting with a book and some paints for the prophecy to get bored and go away. Maybe I’d take Jane with me, or Nico, for some company. That sounds nice.

My plate is pulled away from me as I aim my fork again. “I can’t pay attention when you do that,” Annabeth huffs. I think I wouldn’t invite her to stay in my cave. She’s too on the nose when I want to mope. Then again, she says the same about me.

“Fine,” I turn and face her. “Let’s talk feelings.” Connor Stoll, who had been making his way towards our table, abruptly turns around and walks the other way. I should get Chiron to hire a therapist. Gods know we need it.

Further proving my point, Annabeth’s eyes widen a little, before she remembers it is I who will be spilling. (I make a point to corner her later. It’s a routine we have). “Wow. You broke fast.”

I nod. “I’m tired and you’re annoying.” (False. We both know it. Another routine). “Like you said, I’m nervous about the prophecy.”

Annabeth nods. “And?”

I frown. “What do you mean, and ? There’s no and.”

Annabeth frowns back at me. A mirror, a mime, an annoyance. The nerve to look disappointed in me. “I thought you were spilling, Red.”

I roll my head back and study the roof of the pavilion, which Annabeth designed, and slowly lean my head down to stare at the table. I really don’t want to have this conversation. I go along anyways. “I’m worried about Jane.”

Annabeth leans back, triumphant. “Ah, yes. Your girlfriend.”

Maybe if I try reeeeeeeally hard, I can activate the Oracle of Delphi and freak Annabeth out enough to make her go away. “ Not my girlfriend. You know that.”

“You called Percy my boyfriend for weeks before we actually officially decided.”

I wave my hand dissmissively. “That’s different, you guys were dancing around each other for like three years. You needed a bit of a push. Jane and I kissed once! Over a week ago! And nothing came of it.” We actually haven’t really talked about it. We’re in this sort of in-between zone where we spend a ton of time together, but don’t have a label for it. Honestly, it’s been nice.

Annabeth grins, apparently reading my thoughts. “You’ve been eating lunch with the Demeter cabin, like, every other day. I saw you doing archery together yesterday. Both of you were awful at it, but you stayed there for hours. I’ve never seen you focus on something that long outside of your paintings.”

I stare at the ceiling again. Maybe Annabeth designed it so that a single square foot of rock might fall down onto my head and relieve me from this conversation. “Yes, fine, we spend a lot of time together. But that doesn’t make us a couple, and has nothing to do with what I’m actually worried about!” I can see in her face that Annabeth is more serious now, and is about to fully listen to me, when Percy and Malcolm show up, sliding into the seats across from us, and clanging several plates of pancakes down onto the table in front of them.

“Made them ourselves! Wanna share?” Percy gives Annabeth heart eyes and a kiss on the cheek when she folds a large blue pancake into thirds and bites it like a burrito. I roll my eyes at them because they are a horrifying and disgusting couple and also I kind of want to be them when I grow up. Malcolm ignores them, instead turning to me. “Were you talking about Jane?” he asks, pushing wire rimmed glasses up his nose.

I frown. “Sort of. Why?”

He shrugs, sheepish. “You know. Just, uh, just wondering.”

I narrow my eyes at him, then Percy, who tears himself away from looking at Annabeth to sigh dramatically. “Malcolm wants to ask out Jane’s sister. You know, the blond one.”

I snort. “ Skye? Seriously?”

Malcolm looks vaguely offended. “What’s so weird about that?”

“Sorry, it’s not weird.” I reach over the table to pat him on the shoulder with my fork. “Perfectly normal teenage hormones.” He glares at me and I smile sweetly back. “I just can’t imagine Skye going out with anyone, that’s all.”

Malcolm stares down at his pancake, disappointed. “Oh. You sure?”

I nod, feeling a little more normal with my friends and less doom-related breakfast conversation. My eggs are past the threshold of “warm and appetizing” but I take a bite anyway. “Pretty sure. Jane told me that she’s aroace and, based on past occurrences, there’s a seventy percent chance she’ll punch anyone who asks her out. Anyway, why the interest? I didn’t know you guys talked.”

Malcolm shrugs. “We don’t, really. She just seems cool.”

Percy pipes in, “He’s been practically obsessed with her since she won that soccer game against the Nike kids and made them cry.”

I nod approvingly. “Well, Malcolm, at least we know you have good taste.”

Annabeth pats him on the head, ignoring his complaints that her hand is covered in blue maple syrup. “Better luck next time, brother of mine.”

Piper and Leo join us next, contributing an alarming volume of grapes and a single hardboiled egg to the breakfast display. Leo grabs a pancake and wraps it around some grapes, before taking a big bite. “I hear you’re discussing Malcolm’s romantic failures,” he says around the world’s worst breakfast burrito. Piper gasps in mock offense, then swallows the unpeeled hardboiled egg whole, like a snake. (This is a regular morning routine. She’s trying to work up to being a sword swallower, since her dad did it in a movie once and she thought it looked like fun). “ Malcolm, why didn’t you come to me? I could have given you a verdict within five minutes!”

“I wanted advice on whether I should ask out that Heaphestus boy two weeks ago and you told me to fuck off.”

Piper pouts at him. “That’s on you, you caught me at a bad time.”

Annabeth holds up a pancake with the air of a respected royal and we turn to her. “As delightful as this is, Rachel and I were initially talking about her romantic prospects and also her worries and fears, and I feel that we should get back to that before she slinks off and avoids the rest of the conversation.”

I glare at her. “Why would you bring this away from the very nice conversation we were having about everyone else’s problems? Do you hate me?” Annabeth rolls her eyes. “No, dumbass, I’m just not letting you walk away from a potential breakthrough. Now, where were we? You were saying that you’re worried about Jane but it has nothing whatsoever to do with your relationship, or lack thereof.”

I give a long suffering sigh, and try to communicate telepathically with Piper that she needs to Save Me Now, but she’s looking at me in interest with her chin resting in her hands, her long fingers adorned with rings sent to her from her Mortal girlfriend, Shel, who bought them at a vintage punk store. The traitor. Defeated, I turn back to Annabeth.

“It’s just that, whatever ends up happening with this prophecy, I don’t want it to fuck her up, in the way the quests have sometimes done to us. Like, we’re used to this by now, but it hasn’t been a smooth road. I don’t exactly like going on quests, and at first I was really worried at the prospect of being included in a prophecy, since that’s fairly abnormal, but Jane was only made aware of her heritage a couple months ago! What if this turns out like Silena or Beckendorf or-or Jason, and the prophecy destroys her, and it’s all my fault because I’m the one who pulled her into all this?”

Everyone tenses up at the mention of Jason, but they continue to look at me with a mixture of concern and love that makes something soften inside of me. For the hundredth time, I think of how lucky I am to have these people who love me unconditionally. Even if they really, really need therapy.

“I know that I didn’t plan any of this, but we’re both tied in now, especially since both Chiron and I had the prophetic dream and I actually gave the prophecy that day in the woods, and, well, this isn’t her world yet. She’s only got a little bit of ichor in her, and she grew up knowing nothing of any of this. In a way, I did too, and I have no ichor, but I had clear sight. For me, it was ineffable, but she could technically leave any time, if it weren’t for the prophecy. She can leave, and I feel like it’s up to me to make sure that doesn’t change.”

“Oh, Rachel.” Annabeth reaches her arms out to me and I let myself be pulled into an embrace. “Jane’s going to be okay. We’ll make sure of it.”

Sabrina stood in line at the boat rental hut, her arms crossed and a frown plastered on her face. It had not been a successful afternoon. For hours, she’d been searching the coastal towns near where her plane landed, looking for some trace of Aeaea, or anything else she’d seen in her dream. She was used to working with dregs. It was normal for her to have to squint a little at the evidence, have to shuffle things together around big holes of “Maybe,” like she was working a jigsaw puzzle with half the pieces missing.

But this was something else.

Sabrina had read about places where mythology shaped the culture. Places where the tourist draws were events that had supposedly happened thousands of years ago, or creatures that only existed in grainy photographs and people’s imaginations. Hell, she’d met the Loch Ness monster. Was it insane for her to have assumed she’d be able to find the same kind of thing here? All her training and years of experience had told her that, if you sniff around long enough, you’ll find a conspiracy theorist or a slightly off-the-rails guidebook.

So far, though, Sabrina had found nothing. Absolutely nothing. She hunted around, searching up library catalogs, checking every store on the street. “Aeaea,” “Circe,” even “the Odyssey.”

Nothing.

The line edged along slowly, and Sabrina ran her hands up and down her arms. The air was chilly from its proximity to the cold sea water. There were three people in front of her now. She just had to wait a little longer, then she would have a boat and be able to explore these waters herself.

Something was wrong with this place. Something was wrong with all of these places. And Sabrina was going to figure out what.

Later, Jane and I are taking our time walking to the pegasus stables to watch the riding lesson that Rosalind has reluctantly agreed to let Batty take (provided that Percy, who’s teaching today, doesn’t let her fly high enough that she’ll die if she falls off, and that Batty wears all of the necessary protective gear). Jane looks lovely, wearing a sunshine-y yellow bandana that sets off her dark curls and warm sepia skin. She has on her Camp Half-Blood shirt again, and a short green skirt, and all of it should clash horribly, but it doesn’t.

We’ve decided to cut through the strawberry fields, and I swallow a sun-warmed strawberry while Jane tells me about the dream she had last night. I think back to my conversation with Annabeth this morning when she tells me of the dark woods and the feeling of drowning, the memory warping and the echoing voice. At some point we sit down in a patch of grass, a simple circle amidst strawberry plants with a couple logs where the campers and satyrs take their breaks when they work here. Jane finishes her story and we sit in comfortable silence for a few moments, only broken by the grunts of annoyance Jane makes while trying to get her plant powers to activate again. She’s been doing that a lot.

“Well that sucks,” I say finally. “Have you been having other dreams like it?”

Jane shrugs, the neon orange fabric of her shirt wrinkling on her shoulders. “One or two, I think. Last night’s was the first one I really remembered. ” She smiles out of the corner of her mouth. “I hardly ever remember my dreams. It used to upset me. I thought I was losing potential writing material.”

I laugh. It’s such a Jane thing to think, that I can’t help it. She goes quiet, like she’s reminiscing, and I picture a tiny version of Jane, sitting crossed-legged on her summer quilt, writing. I look at her now, scrunched up nose and big brown eyes. Oh gods, she must have been an adorable child.

“My mother used to say that my imagination was the eighth wonder of the world,” Jane says. She’s looking down the hill at the cabins, plant powers temporarily forgotten, and I remember her telling me about her mother, the first Elizabeth Penderwick, who came here and was a daughter of Demeter and loved opera. The Penderwick siblings’ beloved mother who died so young.

I move closer to Jane on the log. “I can understand why she’d say that.”

Jane smiles again, a little sad this time, a little absent, but full to the brim with love.

“Bet you she’s in Elysium,” I say softly. I explained the Underworld to Jane a couple weeks ago, and she’d gotten this same absent look on her face, that I now know means she’s thinking about her mother. Jane nods, now, then turns to me. “Could we talk about something else?” Her voice is quiet, her eyes a little shiny.

“Course,” I say. “Shall I regale you with tales of dimwittery at this camp in the years past?” I told her last week about the time some Hermes kids tried to order pizza to the camp, accidently causing Chiron to think we were under attack. Jane had nearly fallen off the bench laughing.

She grins now, but shakes her head. “Tell me what it’s like being an Oracle.” I give her a look. She’s asked me before and I never really know what to say. When I give prophecies, it’s like I black out. I’m taken over by another entity who shares my body. (“Like that lady in Suicide Squad ,” Leo had said when I tried to explain it to him once, but I’d refused to be compared to such a gods-fucking-awful movie). So, in a way, I don’t know what it’s like to be the Oracle.

As if reading my thoughts, Jane shakes her head. “Not that part. I’ve seen you all green and smokey, and I know you can’t feel it. I mean the other stuff. How did you know it was you? What did you have to do to become the Oracle? That kind of thing.” I relax a little. Jane’s asked me all sorts of weird questions about Greek mythology and the gods recently. She calls it “research for her book,” but sometimes I think she’s just nosy. It’s cute.

Jane shrugs and looks off into the distance. If you tilt your head a little you can kind of see the stables from here. We have fifteen more minutes to get there, according to my watch. I decide to take it easy. “Delphi is this weird ethereal spirit,” Jane continues, “but there’s also just everyday, Oracle you, who likes paint and denim and bagels.” At that, I laugh. “I actually don’t like bagels that much. I’m just late to breakfast so often that they’re usually the only things available.”

Jane pouts at me and plays with the bracelet tied around my wrist--the one she gave me. “You know what I mean! You know all this weird shit about me because my siblings don’t shut up at lunch, and I know stuff about you, like the denim thing, which I still think is funny by the way. But you’re also the freaking Oracle! Your dormant self lies waiting!” I laugh at her, and she rolls her eyes, but I see the corner of her mouth tilting up. “Rachel, that’s very cool!”

I give in. “Honestly, there’s not much to say, that’s why I don’t talk about it.” I pause. “Well no, it’s that a lot of the stuff beyond the obvious is actually sort of creepy and weird, and not in a good way. There’s stuff I try not to think about, is what I mean.”

The edge of her yellow bandana sticks up as Jane tilts her head at me. “That makes sense. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

I shake my head. “No, it feels okay right now.” I mean it. Now that I’ve gotten into the swing of it, I do want to talk about it. Still, a small sigh escapes me. “I like being the Oracle, because that’s what brought me to a place where I feel like I belong and I have people who love me. It’s nice to know that I’m fulfilling my purpose in life.”

Jane pulls her knees up to her chest. “But?”

“But I also get lonely.” It comes out in a rush. “There are other oracles, but I didn’t know about any of them until the Apollo thing happened, and even then, they’re all supernatural beings--I know, I know, but not in the way I am. It’s not the same. Also, there are all these weird rules. Like I have to stay an unmarried virgin my whole life.”

“That’s fucked,” Jane says softly.

“I know! Chiron won’t even tell me why, just that it’s ‘the rules’” I let out an annoyed huff. “And, like, it’s not even that the idea itself bothers me. That’s pretty much what I was planning to do with my life anyway.”

“Same.”

“But it’s the principle of the thing!” I flick a strand of hair out of my face, offhandedly noticing that the tip of my pinky finger is slightly green. I ignore it. It’s not important. “Just because I don’t want to have sex or get married doesn’t mean it’s a fair rule to impose on me! Besides, why is it always the women in these things whose identities are tied up in who they do or don’t fuck? Last I checked, Grover didn’t have to sign an ‘I shalt not fornicate’ contract when he became Lord of the Wild!”

“Exactly!” Jane raises her hands and shouts up to the sky. “Don’t you fuckers realize we’re more than that?”

“The Hunters of Artemis, too!” I’m a jack-in-the-box, and something’s winding me up. “Thalia and Reyna send me letters all the time, and they seem really happy! Which is great!” I pause to emphasize the greatness of their happiness. My pinky is completely green, now. “But, they also had to make a stupid ‘ode of chastity,’ like I did!”

“Are you kidding me?” Jane’s hair flips as she turns to me. “I thought Artemis was one of the good ones!”

My voice lowers to a husky rumble, and I stare into the distance towards you, the reader. “In a broken system, there are no good ones. Abolish the police.” I clear my throat and my voice turns back to normal. “Sorry, zoned out for a second.” My green pinky has begun to vibrate.

“Happens to the best of us,” Jane’s voice is light and nonchalant. “And yeah, I know. Pretty much all of the gods have skeletons sitting on their shoulders, but it just seems out of character for her. I thought all of Artemis’s groups were supposed to be safe havens, not oppressive structures in their own right.”

I frown. “Yeah you’re right, that is weird. I’d never thought of it much beyond the gods having weird rules, but I wonder if something bigger is at play. The gods might be fucked up in the way that regular people are, and are undoubtedly responsible for all sorts of crap. But then there's more personal things, like the ‘chastity vows’ the Hunters and I had to take, and the fact that Nico was initially outed by Eros, and the weird unexplained eye condition that Piper had during some of her quests that made her eyes a bunch of bright, Eurocentric colors, rather than their natural brown. All sorts of other stuff, too.”

“Wow!” Jane says, sitting up straight on the grass. Her hand moves from where it was resting in her lap to cover her heart. “It’s almost like a bunch of genuinely good and inspiring material, such as including prominent queer people and characters of color in fun children’s fantasy, as well as having an immortal group of warrior women who support each other and are free from the gaze of men, was taken into the hands of a cis white man armed with unchecked misogyny and a fair amount of white Twitter feminism, both of which really showed when he tried to create an inclusive and empowering book series for children! Like yeah, it had its moments, and definitely some good characters, but overall, a lack of meaningful research in certain areas really made it fall flat!” Once again, I stare through the bindings of URLs and internet coding, now joined by Jane as we lock eyes with you, the reader. This time, we hold eye contact for nearly a minute, giving you time to read and process the long tangent spat out by this fanfic’s author, who, if we’re being honest, has gone just a tad off the rails right now. Finally, Jane and I look away from you, and resume our roles as fictional characters, still shaking off that strange cloud that comes with staring into the soul of those who give you life.

“Ugh, what’s going on with me today?” Jane groans at the same time I mutter, “What’s Twitter?” We turn to each other, blinking in the sunlight, then grin. This is normal. We’re fine. Jane looks up at the sky again. “I wonder if the gods are watching us. Maybe we should make them think we suck so they’ll leave you alone.”

I laugh as she sticks her tongue out, grinning wickedly at a nearby cloud. “Better yet, make them think we’re too powerful to be messed with,” I say. Jane sees me watching her and opens her mouth, sucking the cloud in between her teeth. The sky seems bluer in the space where it had been, and Jane’s eyes glitter with mirth as she swallows. “Mmm, tastes like sugar.” I giggle, feeling a small shiver on the top of my head. When I peer up, I see another cloud has floated over to me. I open my own mouth, and take it in, just as Jane did hers. “Sugar, yes. But there’s a touch of blood, too,” I say. Jane nods sagely. “What were we talking about?”

“The inherent misogyny in much of Greek mythology and the world of Camp Half-Blood in general.”

Jane nods again. “Right. A very important topic. It makes it weird when I’m writing sometimes. You know, cause I want to bring in Circe and Zeus and Apollo and all these fascinating characters, but there’s just so much bad stuff tied up with them that comes up when I research.” She looks down at our feet, which are standing in the midst of a strawberry patch. We seem to have been walking, crushing sweet summer strawberries as we go, which is odd because I don’t remember getting up. “You know Rachel, I’m feeling a bit strange.”

I look at her, and see an odd blankness in her warm brown eyes. “Now that you mention it, Jane, so am I.”

“My thoughts and words are my own,” Jane says, “But there’s something up with my body. I can’t really feel it.”

“I agree, I’ve honestly gone a bit numb.” I try to glance down at my fingers, wondering idly if they’ve gotten any more green, but find that my neck won’t bend.

Jane’s eyebrows furrow. “Yet, at the same time, I feel as though I could do anything. Grow another grass blade. Grow a flower. Grow a tree. Bend the world to my will if I wanted to.”

“Or is it the world bending me to its will.” I grin at my own philosophical point, but find that the smile won’t go away. Pretty fucking inconvenient, since the next thing I was going to bring up was part of the whole serious misogyny conversation. I decide to go for it anyway. “And I’m not the only one with weird rules!” Jane nods, as if this is a perfectly normal segway, and the only extraneous thought that floats through my mind as we find ourselves walking down a hill is how unfair it is that she still has control over her neck and I don’t. “Remember when I told you about the Hunters of Artemis?”

“Oh yeah! Your friends Reyna and Thalia, right?”

“Yeah, them! They send me letters sometimes, and seem really happy, which is great.” I pause, meaning to add emphasis, when I’m hit with a great sensation of deja-vu. “Wait a second, we already talked about this, didn’t we?” I try to remember, but something in my mind is rapidly melting. I cannot find it. I cannot find anything.

“Jane?” My voice quivers, and I squeeze my eyes shut. Oh gods, please let this be a dream. For a moment, I try to convince myself that it’s the Oracle of Delphi taking over, just like she did the other day and generally does a couple times a year. But I know that I’m lying. This is not what that feels like. “Jane, where are you?” I can barely move my mouth to say the words. I can feel nothing but the frozen fear of paralysis, of lost control. When I open my eyes, this other thing in my body has brought me to the edge of the forest. “Jane? Jane?” She could be right beside me, unable to speak, and I wouldn’t know because I can’t turn my head, can’t move my eyes, can barely even hear right now.

It’s okay, something says.

“Jane?” It’s not her voice. It’s no one’s voice.

It’s okay. You’re home.

With every cut the wooden oars made through the choppy ocean water, Sabrina knew she was getting closer. She could feel it in her bones, in her brain, a little voice that whispered in her ear. It had been three hours. Her body was worn down, energy levels dipping dangerously low, when she felt something scrape the bottom of her boat.

A rock.

Frantically, she peered through the fog that had begun to surround her boat a mile ago. The island. Had she finally made it?

As if answering her call, a peel of thunder rang out, and Sabrina’s boat began to fill with rain that pounded down from the sky. The storm from her dream. She rowed even faster, then, fear sparking a renewed strength in her tired muscles.

Just as Sabrina was about to reach the shore, a massive wave crashed over her, and her boat capsized. She came back up, sputtering, holding her sopping wet bag above her head. Another wave swept against Sabrina’s face, and she found herself spitting out a mouthful of saltwater. Finally, she washed up on the shore, heaving breaths raking through her lungs.

Sabrina blinked, pushing herself up onto her elbows. It was real. She was here.

She had made it.

FROM THE POV OF ROSALIND PENDERWICK

It’s been a pleasant day so far. Breakfast with my siblings and some of the Demeter cabin (though Jane did seem a bit absent-minded). Miranda, Florien, and Rio convinced me to practice some plant magic with them for a couple hours and I built up to growing a small sunflower. Lunch (again with Jane seeming distracted, though Rachel ate with us this time, which appeared to help). Then, Skye and Jeffrey disappeared with some of the older campers (supposedly for a regular game of soccer, but the unsettling gleam in their eyes had me doubting that was all there was too it), Jane and Rachel went to take a walk in the strawberry fields, and Batty and I were left to prepare for a pegasus riding lesson. If it had been up to Batty, the latter could have easily taken up the entire afternoon, but changing into durable pants and finding a bandana can only take so long.

After a somewhat restless hour, during which I grew three peonies and Batty rhapsodized about the stable of unicorns that another demigod camp apparently has, Batty and I arrive at the stable. We’re ten minutes early, and she’s been talking a mile a minute the whole time, not stopping from before. I swear I now know as much about pegasuses as she does. According to Rachel, the teacher today is Percy, her friend, who’s very responsible “when he puts his mind to it.” I wasn’t sure how to tell her that’s actually not very comforting, but Batty looked so excited and I figured there will be plenty of other people there, so. Why not. She’s been spending so much time there anyway.

Needless to say, I very much regret my decision now.

The stables are modest, made of wood and painted green, and I’ve been there several times by now. There’s a long line of stalls visible when we first walk in, but Batty skips straight to the far end, where a massive pegasus the color of a carrot pokes its head over the door and nuzzles Batty’s hair. She looks up at me with a smile that could melt anyone’s heart, and pats the horse on the nose. “Rosy, this is Queen Lotus Flower. Percy said we have a impenetrable bond.”

I look at the two of them with a questioning gaze. How can they both have the exact same puppy-dog eyes? I swear to god. The gods. All of them. “Batty, sweetheart. That horse is like ten feet tall.”

She nods enthusiastically. “I know, she’s so much taller than any other horse I’ve seen. Percy says she has the biggest wingspan of any horse at camp.”

I nod, slowly, wondering why my sister picked the biggest pegasus to fall in love with. At that moment, Percy pushes the door open. “Hey Batty! Ready for your lesson?” Batty leaves her post by Queen Lotus Flower to wrap her arms around my waist and nod. I look Percy over. He’s a few inches taller than me, with brown skin and curly hair. A beaded camp necklace, orange tshirt, and jeans. Weird arm tattoo aside, he’s one of the most normal-looking people at camp. I’ve only met him a couple times before, but, my nerves over Batty flying around on massive horses aside, I do trust him. Rachel seems to have a good taste in friends. Also, Batty likes him, and she’s still shy around a good number of Skye and Jane’s friends back in Cameron.

For the next few minutes, I watch as Percy instructs Batty on buckling Queen Lotus Flower’s giant saddle and looping the bridle over her nose. Not wavering a bit from the “lesson” aspect of all this, he steps back to let her show what she’s already learned from hanging around the stables so often, only stooping in to guide her when she gets confused. As the minutes tick by, more people show up for the lesson: three other students, and a good sized crowd of people who just like watching the pegasuses. By then, I’m seated on the grass outside the stables, soaking in the blistering sun and watching as Percy (seated atop a wiry black pegasus who Batty pointed out as Blackjack) darts around the large dusty enclosure, making final preparations for the lesson.

Skye and Jeffrey show up then, and sit on either side of me. I want to ask them where Jane and Rachel are, but they’re talking non-stop about a game they just played in the woods with some of the other campers, only switching the subject when Percy and Blackjack return and they begin discussing whether or not it should be scientifically possible for a horse to fly.

Just as Batty and Queen Lotus Flower begin a gentle trot around the enclosure, I feel a tap on my shoulder, and hear the familiar sound of Tommy’s chuckle. “She’s got a weird knack for that,” he says. I nod, grinning.

It’s been good with us. We’ve had breakfast together a few times, even played a game of basketball one afternoon. Our conversations aren’t the same as they used to be, and there’s a sense of newness that feels cold and strange every so often. But it’s good. It feels right. At least for now, this feels like where we’re supposed to be.

As Percy starts demonstrating how to take flight, I look around again. Jane and Rachel still aren’t here. They promised to come. (“For moral support!” Jane had said. “Wouldn’t miss it,” Rachel had added with a smile). I try to push it out of my head. This lesson is a big deal. Batty’s going to be flying.

She leans forward on Queen Lotus Flower’s neck.

They begin to run, moving together like a single being.

Just as they burst into the air, Batty’s euphoric smile lighting up the sky, Katie grabs my shoulders from behind. I shush her so I can lean forward and watch Batty silhouetted against the pegasus’s wide orange wings.

“Rosalind. Rosalind, guys. ” Something about the panic in Katie’s voice makes me turn around. Her usually tied back hair is loose and her clothes rumpled, giving the impression that she was dragged out of bed for this. (Some part of my brain distantly remembers her saying she was going to take a nap). Skye and Jeffrey turn around, too.

“What, what’s happening?” I reach out my hands, trying to calm her as she collapses into a squat, breathing heavily.

“Billie… found me in the cabin… had been looking for you guys… been running all over the camp… lucky I remembered about the riding lesson…”

Jeffrey leans over and puts his hands on her shoulders. She stares down at the dirt while her breathing levels.

“Katie, what are you saying? Why were you and Billie looking for us?”

She looks up, and I see that her forehead is drawn into well-worn creases of worry. “Jane and Rachel have gone into the woods.”

Something was wrong. Sabrina crouched on the wet sand, straining to see through the heavy rain. In her dream there had definitely been someone else on the island. She remembered the hunched figure, the sound of sobs leaking through the rain.

But she’d circled the shore at least twice by now, and there was nobody to be found. “Am I late or something?” she wondered aloud. Somehow, she’d gotten that dream It felt like it had been sent to her. Why did it show a person when there was no one?

Sabrina sighed and began to traipse inland, tucking a knife in her pocket. It wasn’t a big island, and she might as well find some shelter aside from her boat, which was now overturned somewhere on the beach. Circe lived here, didn’t she? There must be some sort of roof, especially if this kind of weather was standard.

Or maybe this was just a random island and there was no Aeaea and Sabrina’s dream had just been the unhinged work of her unconscious mind.

There was a small grassy hill set aside from the sand, which Sabrina crawled up with the determination of a dying warrior. Something was pushing her back. An invisible force, a last crumb of survival instinct, plain old fatigue, she wasn’t sure. But something wanted her out of here, and it pushed back harder and harder as she climbed.

She let out a cry of frustration, clawing at the ground, at the air, at whatever this goddamn thing was, and found a renewed burst of strength that pulled her to the top of the hill. Once there, the force that pushed back ebbed a little, like it was giving up. Sabrina let herself relax, and simply took in the view for a moment.

The hill she lay on top of gave way to a deep valley, sprawling and green. In one corner, there was a cluster of trees that looked healthy and comfortable, despite being on a random Greek island in the middle of the ocean. A modest garden lay next to it, somehow appearing unaffected by the rain, and a narrow river wound around the whole scene.

There was also a house.

Sabrina wasn’t sure what she might have expected from the lair of an infamous Greek enchantress, but it wasn’t this.

She hauled herself up on the hill and started down, rushing through the rain onto a wide wooden porch. There was a large stone vat of something dark and crumbly, with a heavy looking staff of sorts leaning against it. The door to the house was short, and Sabrina heard it scrape on the floor when she pushed it open.

The scene awaiting her was surprisingly cozy when she stepped inside. There was a fire in the hearth and rows upon rows of little viles arranged on a set of shelves beside it. A broom leaned against the wall. Sabrina looked around, noting the way that the rain didn’t make any sound as it thrashed against the roof and window, and the almost drug-like stupor that threatened to take over her brain, whispering that everything was fine, she was safe, nothing bad could happen to her.

Sabrina had encountered hypnosis before, and it only ever made her more jittery.

There was an open hatch in the floor with stairs that lead into darkness. She followed them down, feeling the air grow cooler with every step. Sabrina was quiet, taking tiny steps on her toes, and wincing when one of the stairs creaked. She didn’t know what was down there, and she didn’t want to find out the hard way. But there were no arrows flying up from the space below, no sounds of footsteps or slashes of swords.

Sabrina stepped onto a dirt floor and let herself exhale, shuffling along until her toe hit something hard. Only seasoned reflexes made her reach for the knife in her pocket instead of crying out in fear. She knelt down and squinted in the darkness, trying to see what she’d hit.

A leg.

She frowned, shaking it until she heard a low growl. “Stop that.” She stopped.

“Who are you?” Sabrina leaned closer. If they hadn’t killed her yet she was probably safe.

Instead of answering, they reached out a hand. Sabrina could see a gold ring on the thumb that glinted in a little sliver of light that had crept down from the room above. “Pull me up,” the figure said. “I’ve been paralyzed by the witch.”

Helping the stranger sit turned out to be no simple feat. They were tall and muscular, wearing a cape and a heavy metal chest plate. “The witch?” she questioned, propping them up against one of the cellar’s dirt walls. Her eyes were beginning to adust to the dark, and she could just make out their sharp chin sticking out as their head lolled back.

The figure made a noise. “The witch, the sorceress, the woman. Whatever you want to call her. I figure she sent you down too?” They snorted. “Good luck. I told Zeus not to sent mortals, but does he ever listen? You’re gonna die.”

Sabrina tried to piece together what she could from all this. The witch must be Circe, unless she’d wound up on an entirely different island. And if Circe was going around paralyzing people, then something must be going on. She must be hiding something. As for the person in front of her, Sabrina wasn’t sure who they were. By the way they talked about Zeus, and casually said “mortals,” she’d guess some sort of god? As if that narrowed it down. She’d have to be careful.

“Why did she paralyze you?”

Another weird gutteral noise. “She didn’t like my offer. It’s not the first time this has happened.”

She was growing impatient. Why’d he have to be so vague? “What?”

“Yeah, I don’t know why he always sends me. I don’t think he trusts me. He’d rather me stay her paralysed in the basement of a witch than come back home.”

Sabrina let out an exasperated sigh. This wasn’t working and she needed answers. A whole coast of people with mythology-shaped holes in their memories awaited her. “You’re going to need to be a little more specific. I don’t think we’re on the same page.”

The figure sounded confused. “What do you mean? Don’t you know who I am?”

She leaned forward and inspected them in the darkness. “No. No I don’t.”

They slid their eyes down to her face. “I am the god Apollo. I came here for Circe and she did this to me.”

“What? Why?”

The stairs creaked behind Sabrina and she felt a long nail drag up her back. “I just want to be left alone,” said a voice as deep and powerful as the smell of red wine. “You don’t mind, do you?” Before Sabrina could grab her knife and turn around, before she could even scream, strong arms had surrounded her shoulders and a hand was clamping a damp cloth over her nose and mouth. Shock made her breath in, sharply, and she smelled the sweetness of sleeping drugs.

A heartbeat, a brief struggle, and Sabrina Starr was gone.

[im-the-punk-who]

Toby Stephens Thirstography #1 - Black Sails (2014-2017)

Toby Stephens Hotness: The Pre-Chorus Of Uptown Funk Was Written About Toby Stephens In Black Sails

Okay, so I dithered about this rating for SO LONG but honestly? Nothing else in Toby’s filmography will ever be close to Black Sails. As I’m sure everyone is aware, Toby Stephens is perfect but it’s especially true in Black Sails. Long haired McGraw? Perfect. Bald and Beardy? Perfect. Ponytail Season 1 Flint crying about his (as yet unrevealed) gay lover? Absolutely Flawless. THIGHS? Could crush a skull like sparrows egg. Frequently shirtless and covered in freckles? My soul has left my body. Need I go on? Just watch Black Sails. 

This really is hands down the best role Toby has ever had, and there’s a little bit of something for everyone. I wouldn’t necessarily say this is “the hottest” Toby Stephens but it is the one that has the most range, and screen time, and like, whatever your thirst, Black Sails has a look for that. And so many emotions. This is one of those times where quantity really does win over quality. If you’re only going to watch one thing with Toby Stephens in it, Black Sails is really the only answer anyone could ever give.

James Flint-McGraw-Hamilton owns my entire heart and I can and will fight about it. But honestly, I’m pretty sure he owns everyone else’s heart too so. Y’know.

Plot: 10/10*

England is terrible and James McGraw is mad about it. Or, this is a prequel to Treasure Island except if literally everyone was queer. Or, Please Do Not Anger The Gay Gingers. 

Black Sails, at its heart, is a story about stories: who tells them, how they tell them. It is a story that drives home that everyone has a bias to the parts of the story they tell: that everyone has a different reason for the stories they choose or do not choose to let see the light of day. It is a story that will challenge you to think differently not just about every other piece of media you consume but your own life - and the stories you are telling. (Like, my personal story is that right now I’m crying and whether or not it’s true that’s the story I want you to believe, so I’m telling it to you.)

I have cried, and laughed, and had just about every other emotion about this show. There are actual canon main queer characters who get actual canon main queer character romances, deep nuanced discussions of social progress, how movements fail and why, who is left out of what historians will say prevailed, and all in a way that feels so very real and human it leaves a huge gaping hole in my chest every time. 

*I promised I’d only say this once: The plot of Black Sails and I have our differences, and it is not perfect. Most of the show is technically flawless but there are parts - sometimes big parts - that are not. And that’s okay! Enjoying flawed media is okay! But I feel like it has to be said because while it absolutely deserves that ten, I don’t want to mislead you into thinking this is a perfect show.

With that said, I have watched this show....I think about 6 times all the way through at the time of typing this, and I’m on my 7th or 8th rewatch, depending on which friend group you ask. There is an incredible wealth of really rich writing, really clever writing, and yes - really game-changing writing. It’s the kind of show in which you will catch new things every time you watch it. 

I don’t know what to tell you except just. Watch Black Sails. Do it with your eyes open because as I’ve said this is not a perfect show and sometimes the writers do tell on themselves, but....it’s just about as close as I’ve ever seen a major series come to it. And I love James McGraw enough to forgive them the rest. 

(Did I mention that the backbone of the entire show is the motivation of one of its queer characters? That you literally cannot remove queerness from Black Sails and still have any part of the plot work? Cool, now I have.)

Watchability: 9/10

Watchability game is strong. 

Black Sails is chock full of humor, exciting ship battles, historical easter eggs, queers, women, people of color(sometimes all three in one!), and really some of the best writing in terms of plot cohesion I’ve ever seen. The costumes and scenery is breathtaking, every single one of the actors showed the fuck up every day...listen could I write more? Yes. I have. But really - just.

... do I have to say it? 

(Watch Black Sails.)

Black Sails is one of those shows that is going to affect everyone differently, and I’m too aware of my own bias to give it a true 10, but there is very little Black Sails gets wrong once it gets going. The first season makes some Choices, and towards the back end of the show it can feel like the writers ran out of metaphorical poster board for their happy birthday sign of a show, but on the whole definitely, 100% worth the go. 

Warnings: 

Graphic depiction(s) of r*pe in S1 and mentions of it in S2, general gore throughout. Although, I hate blood and guts stuff and it only twice really bothered me. Depictions of period typical racism and slavery throughout. @a-gay-coded-villain has made this super thorough, handy dandy So You Think You Can Dance Watch Black Sails (Laynie I’m so sorry I had to) guide that includes most of the major trigger warnings. Make sure you take a look - especially if violence against women bothers you.

Where to Watch:

Hulu is the main place to find this but it is also on Netflix in some countries and on DailyMotion 

[descendantofthesparrow]

Encore - Harry Hook x reader - part 16 - questions

=

You hummed to yourself as you made breakfast for yourself (Harry was back in Auradon helping Uma out with something), bopping along to the music on your phone.

“marchin on to a new~ land, our world a better, a better place~” you sang, spinning around and shaking your hips, smiling as you remembered only three months ago you dance and sang the same song with all the rest of the villain kids.

It was still hard to believe that you had traveled to the descendant's world, met Harry Hook, joined Umas crew, fell in love with Harry, and ended up saving the world.

You wouldn’t have it any other way though.

Pouring some of the pancake batter on the pan, you let it cook while you got out the butter and syrup.

“we’re gonna break, this, down” you went through the moves as you sang, dodging your table as you went “we’re gonna rock, the, town. Everyone all a-round~”

Someone grabbed your hand and spun you into their chest. “Let's be whoever like this!” Harry sang, spinning you back out and grinning at you. You giggled and joined back in, singing in unison.

“stronger together like this, we reunited like this~” you looked behind you, spotting the bubbling pancakes and separating from Harry, grabbing the spatula and flipping them, grinning at the perfect golden brown pancake.

“ooh~ pancakes~ are there enough for meh?” Harry cooed, wrapping his arms around your waist and setting his chin on your shoulder.

“should be” you hummed, shifting the pan around, waiting for the other side to cook.

“awesome…question?” harry muttered, pressing a kiss behind your ear “what do yeh think about….marriage?”

You paused, turning to look at Harry slightly “what brought this on?”

“og nothin’ just….malsy and beasty boy got me thinkin’…what if…we got married one day?” you hummed and tilted back into his chest.

“well…I would love to honestly, I love you and would like to spend the rest of my life with you” you could feel heat build-up against your head, Harry was blushing heavily, glancing down at the ring on his right hand.

“so if I proposed yeh would say yes?”

“yeah,” you chuckled, turning around and pressing a kiss to Harry's lips “thank you for asking, there's a lot of people who just propose without making sure the other is wanting it too” you hummed.

“wha’ do yeh mean” Harry asked, tilting his head.

“proposal shouldn’t be a surprise, the way it's done should be” you chirped, turning back around and grabbing a plate, flipping the pancakes onto it.

“here!” Harry smiled and kissed your cheek, grabbing the plate and walking over to the table, sitting down to eat.

“Thank yeh love,” he said with a mouthful of food, giggling as you pushed at his shoulder.

“Harry! Don’t talk with your mouth full” you chided, grinning as harry swallowed and stuck his tongue out at you. “dork”

=

“uma! It’s a go, she's all for it” Harry chattered to Uma, excited for what was to come.

“good, now maybe CJ will stop buggin’ ya” Uma chuckled, smirking as CJ pouted at her.

“it's not my fault (y/n)s a better sister than Hettie! I just want it to be official” she whined, smirking at Harriet as she glared at CJ.

“Alright, fuck me for feeding you when dad would kick you out huh?” she droned, flipping off CJas she did.

“yep!” CJ chirped, cackling as Harriet pushed her off her seat. “hey!”

“whatever, so yeh were able to get permission from Ben for the island righ’?” Uma nodded at Harry and handed him a paper.

“yep, full permission to sail over, dock, and you to propose to (y/n)”

“awesome” Harry muttered to himself giddily ”I can't wait”

He stopped, looking back down at his right hand, where his mother's ruby ring sat “wait whats her ring size!?”

Uma facepalmed.

=

You bit your lip in concentration, carefully pipping the border onto a round cake.

“Hello?” a VERY familiar voice called out from the front, you groaned and stopped piping, setting down the bag and walking to the front, wiping your hands on your apron.

As you rounded the corner, you saw….Brenna D'amico. You sighed and crossed your arms, leaning on the counter. “harrys not here” you muttered. She seemed surprised before her mouth formed an “oh” in understanding.

“you must be (y/n) then-“ you smiled and held out your hand, she reached over and shook it “um, Sofia blabbed”

“I thought so” you chuckled “well, I assume you DID come here to see if they were lying or not?”

“well, as soon as you said ‘hes not here’ I kinda guessed they weren't heh” Brenna chuckled, shuffling slightly as she looked around. “so I heard from china that the baked goods are….well good” she giggled, walking over to the case filled with food “what do you suggest?”

“um well, the chocolate scones are pretty good, and the brownies are just” you pressed your fingers to your lips and kissed them “mwah, chefs kiss” you laughed, Brenna giggling and nodded.

“ill have those then, and um, you guys serve coffee?” you nodded and gestured to the “café” part of the board.

“oooh okay um, blended caramel mocha please?”

“right on, that’ll be five dollars exactly.” Brenna whistled and slid her card into the reader.

“wow, and I pay more at Starbucks just for a grande coffee!” you chuckled and nodded.

“yeah, my aunt wanted cheap prices and great food, and we actually get more money that way” Brenna nodded and looked around, grinning at the ocean mural on the right wall.

“I can see why!” you handed her the bag of baked goods and started on her coffee.

“so…are you and harry together?” you nodded “cool, I mean I could tell since…you’re wearing his jacket” she pointed out, a smile on her lips.

You looked down, smiling as your eyes met with the red leather, the small silver hook hanging off the collar.

“yeah, his stuff is cool and comfortable” you joked, handing her the coffee and waving her out “thanks for coming!”

“thank you!” she chirped back, the door ringing as she stepped out on to the sidewalk.

“whew…” you sighed, being silent for a moment before narrowing your eyes “im gonna kill Sofia!”

---end of part 16---

Also, its been one year since d3! Yay!

permtaglist

@queer-cosette​

@sephiralorange​

@lunanight2012​

@daughter-of-the-stars11​

@musicarose​

@amorathegamingkitsune​

@random-thoughts-003​

@rintheemolion​

[alyona11]

I am sorry if I came across as aggressive, as that was not my intent at all. It was more out of desperate frustration hitting its peak and breaking the glass castle down. I absolutely know it's not others' responsibility to cater towards my own interests, it was more of the idea that aspects of fandoms do have a tendency to hyperfocus/play favourites with their creators and leaving smaller creators to get pushed out.

And yeah, that's more of a general issue with fandoms in general tbh, especially when it comes to content creation. People tend to beg for content and then turn their nose up when they're given content but it's "not what they waaanted", pushing those smaller creators out of the picture entirely. That's why I stopped creating, it feels disingenuous to beg for content but turn around and go "oh wait not that kind lol" when you're not spoon fed what you want, y'know?

Anyways, I don't want any hard feelings with anyone. I love the Gallifrey audios with all my heart and I just really want to open things up and make it so queer/poc/smaller creators get the voices they deserve in fandom. Thank you for apologising, and I apologise as well if I had hurt you.

No offence taken, I understand your sentiment and I admit that I probably over concentrated on some points in your post and missed what you were actually trying to say. I hope however that I’ve not offended you too badly, cos I didn’t really mean too. I acted on anger and I probably shouldn’t have written that second post.  I get your discouragement with ppls’ attitude towards your creations, I’m sure it must be frustrating. But I must admit that in the fandom that small it’s just a sad reality, you have what little you can get and just...try to keep going. Imo in a fandom so small it’s much easier to find your audience because the amount of content is so tiny. My inicial frustration was caused by the fact that I faced this situation and kept going till a certain point (like rn I still love the series, but I burned out in terms of making content) cos there was stuff I wanted to see and sadly barely anyone apart from myself could give it to me. I suppose that might be more or less the same situation for you. I don’t know if I had seen your works before this argument or if we’ve talked before, but I’m sorry you haven’t met a comfortable and supporting fandom community for yourself. As for BFN thing I guess you might be generalising a bit? I was not familiar with the full meaning, but now when I got a better info, I’d say I disagree. Mb I don’t know a lot of gallifans on twitter, but most ppl you may call BFN on tumblr are actually doing some kind of content also? So it’s not like they are gaining popularity only from conventions/actors/having merch. Plus idk if there is a status difference that comes with that in a small fandom? Cos almost everybody knows/sees each other pretty closely. And even if somebody says that they’re friends with BF writer/actor, it doesn’t affect my attitude in positive or negative way. I’m just “oh cool” and go on. They don’t become authorities for me and I think it should be like that for everyone in the fandom. Famous or not, we’re still regular ppl with regular opinions. I admit it might be a huge deal in bigger fandoms, since the influence is bigger and therefore the inequality between the creators and BFN. I’m actually interested to hear what is your opinion on that matter if you care to share it. Actually I don’t think you really should worry about publically expressing your opinions in the fandom. I’ve never seen the Gallifans mobbing anybody, but correct me if I’m wrong. I’d say everybody was always pretty chill with other people’s preferences and headcanons. If it was you who sent all of these asks to ivq’s blog then I can say that I can agree with some of the points you expressed (like woobifying Narvin or calling Leela a savage). I’d just prefere we could have a calm constructive conversation from the start. But you also have to understand that some people just use the fandom as their escape island and they may not want to open up the discourse. As for my blog I much prefere sharing stuff that I love and not the stuff that I hate. And I guess I’m not alone in that. Also sorry this post is way too long.

[lifepomsgay]

gay rights paper

                                           Gay rights

There is a lot of improvement on the right of lgbtq people, but there should be more change and we should keep progressing to make it so every country the lgbtq community has equal rights as everyone. This paper talks about Stone Wall inn riots, black cat protest, Netherlands compared to the united states on gay rights and Egypt and how it is still bad.

In the united states the most well know protest for gay rights is the Stonewall riots. It is what sparked the gay rights movement in the united states. The Stonewall riots started on June 28, 1969. Like most gay bars in that time the stonewall inn was owned by the mafia. In 1969 be gay was against the law in the united states. The police raided the stonewall inn June 1969 there had been many riots at gay bars at this time the people at the stonewall inn had enough they did not like how they were being treated. The police stared checking ids and taking gender nonconforming people to the bathroom to make sure they had at least 3 pieces of clothing of their sex assigned at birth. If they did not pass this check, they were put in police cars. Marsha P. Johnson and Sylvia Rivera both trans women started the riot by throwing the first bricks and bottles and yelling ant the police. Eventually other people from the bar joined the riot causing the police to barricade themselves in the inn. The patrons of the Stonewall inn had enough of being oppressed and stood up for themselves. This led to days of protest. the Stonewall riots lead to the first pride parade. In a democracy now on June 28 2019 they had a remembering stonewall on 50th anniversary, leaders of the uprising look back on sparking the lgbtq movement.

Years before the stone wall riot was the black cat protest, los Angeles February 11, 1967. What sparked this protest was Jan 1 1967 and how the patrons of the black cat tavern were treated according to Daniel Avery article 10 lgbt uprisings before stone wall Avery said “On New Year's Day 1967, undercover cops raided the Black Cat Tavern in Silver Lake, brandishing guns and beating patrons with clubs and pool cues. A bartender was pulled across the bar, lacerating his face on broken glass. Several drag queens were arrested, as were two men engaging in a New Year's kiss. (The couple was convicted of lewd conduct and had to register as sex offenders.)” This is horrible that people were celebrating the new year and treated this way. That is horrible that two young men got put on the sex offender list just because they kissed. The two men did nothing wrong they were gay and kissed each other and got punished for it they got swept up in the new year. It is sad at this time that being gay was against the law in the united states. Avery also said “Weeks later, 200 protesters picketed for days in front of the tavern, marking the first time LGBT people organized against police harassment. They were met by squadrons of armed officers but continued their peaceful protest.” 200 protesters stood up for those people that were mis treated on January 1 1967. The stood for the men arrested and put on the sex offender list. They stood up for the drag queens and the bartender. Those 200 people stood up for their right and the right of future generations. This protest is not well known about but the fact that it the first time LGBT people organized against police harassment is amazing. These protesters were peace full, but the cops were not. The protesters were not treated kind by the cops. According to Hailey Branson article Fifty years later, Silver Lake tavern stands as a monument to L.A.'s gay rights movement Branson said “On Saturday night, the 50th anniversary of the demonstration, they marched again outside the Black Cat on Sunset Boulevard, carrying picket signs with the same words as those in the black-and-white photos of the original protest. “Silence = Death,” the signs read. “Peace in Silverlake.” “Stop illegal search and seizure.” “Blue fascism must go.”” This shows how important the black Cat protest was. It shows people are trying to remember history and make sure history does not repeat its self. People that did this on the 50th anniversary wanted to make sure the brave 200 people were not forgotten. They wanted to make sure that people relied how far we have come how hard we fought and fight still.

With all these protest in the United states, but the United states is not the best for gay rights Netherlands is the best for gay rights and passed more laws sooner then most places in the world. Netherlands also has more protections then other places.  Since May 5, 1945 in Netherlands it is legal to be queer.  That is very impressive in the united states it has only been legal since June 26, 2003 to be queer. That is a 59-year gap between the two different countries. With Stonewall in 1969 it still tock the United states tell 2003 to make being queer legal. On the first of April 2001 Netherlands made same sex marriage legal. It was the first country in the world to make it legal. At this time, it was still against the law to be queer in the United states. The United states made same sex marriage legal in June 26, 2015. 14 years after Netherlands.  In the Netherlands they made it legal to change your gender on official documents without surgery in December 18, 2013.  In the United states it has been legal since 2013 but depending what state you are in you still might need surgery to change your gender.  In Netherlands it has been legal for same sex couples to adopt a child since September 12, 2000.  In the United states it has varied since April 1986 if same couples can adopt depend on the state and the state’s law. So, this is better but also worse because not all states allow it still. In Netherlands it is illegal to discriminate against the LGBTQ since 1993. This is not that good because they had made being queer legal since 1945. So, it took a lot of time for no discrimination. In the United states discrimination is illegal depending on the individual state laws, since January 2011. Netherlands was the first country to allow gay soldiers to serve openly in the military since 1974. In the United states gay, bi, lesbian can serve openly in the army. Since July 1 2016. Trans people are banned from serving in the army since April 12, 2019 because of president’s Donald Trump law. In Netherlands conversion Therapy is regulated not banned or criminalized. Since fed 14, 2014. In the United states conversion therapy is banned in Washington, Illinois, Washington DC, New Jersey, California, Untitled states minor outlying islands. The other states are not banned but are regulated. It is impressive that some states have it banned but would be more impressive if all the states had it banned.

I talked about good countries now lets look at some bad ones. In Egypt they are not a good place. In article by Handley Stewart “you can’t be out” Gay Egyptians continue to fear persecution. Stewart said “While same-sex sexual relations are not explicitly prohibited in Egyptian law, a 2017 report by the International Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans and Intersex Association (ILGA) found that “the Law on the Combating of Prostitution, and the law against debauchery have been used liberally to imprison gay men in recent years.”  That is not cool that they use the word debauchery to imprison gay men. It is disgusting that Egypt makes queer people hid who they are so they will not get prosecuted and throwing into jail.

As you can see laid out in this paper there has been many good strides to make it so the lgbtq couminty has equal rights, but we should keep improving so people do not need to fear who they are. Also people do not regret who they are.

  Reference page

 BecarefulNotToLook, and Imullin01. "Equaldex." LGBT Rights in United States. N.p., n.d. Web. 5 Dec. 2019.

Branson-potts, Hailey. "Fifty Years Later, Silver Lake Tavern Stands as a Monument to L.A.'s Gay Rights Movement." Los Angeles Times. Los Angeles Times, 12 Feb. 2017. Web. 10 Dec. 2019.

Danlev. "Equaldex." LGBT Rights in Netherlands. N.p., n.d. Web. 5 Dec. 2019.

Sonoma, Serena, and Roslyn Talusan. "6 Facts You May Not Know About The Stonewall Riots." Wear Your Voice. N.p., 28 June 2017. Web. 5 Dec. 2019.

Stewart, Hadley. "'You Can't Be Out': Gay Egyptians Continue to Fear Persecution." NBCNews.com. NBCUniversal News Group, 21 Aug. 2018. Web. 11 Dec. 2019.

[frenchibi]

top 5 books

Hello friend!!!! This is areally really tough question bc I read so many different genres and have SOMANY FAVORITES so I’m going to cheat a little bit… I’ll give you Top3 or 4 (I have no impulse control) for several genres so you’ll get more than 5total but not like.. an inordinate number of books, ok? xD (Who am I kidding I’mgoing off the rails, no apologies)

Fantasy

The Name of the Wind(Kingkiller Chronicles Book 1) and sequel(s) by Patrick Rothfuss. Has beentalked about loads in fantasy circles and I have nothing to add other than“this is the best fantasy book I have ever read, and probably in the top 3 ofbest books I have ever read, period.” The style blew me a way, the characters are fantastic, the system of magic/power in this world is the coolest I have EVER SEEN and… yeah. I’m invested.

Howl’s Moving Castleand sequel(s) by Diana Wynne Jones. Y’all remember the ghibli movie? This isthe book this is based on and it is way, way better than the already fantasticmovie. It is ridiculously charming and witty and lovely and I recommendeveryone read it. You will not regret it. This is my ultimate comfort book, if that makes any sense.

Good Omens by Neil Gaiman and Terry Pratchett – a hilarious bookabout the apocalypse with absolutely amazing characters and incredible styleand wit. We’re getting a TV series this year and I am beyond stoked. Pleaseread this. It’s… just… yes. British fantasy is SO GOOD.

Honorable mention: Die Stadt der TräumendenBücher by Walter Moers. Theremight be an English translation of this, but honestly I only recommend you readthis if you can read it in its original German – I’m not gatekeeping, it’s justthat so much of its brilliance relies on in-depth knowledge about German culture,history and language and it’s inevitably gonna lose that in translation. It’sone of my absolute favorite books ever and it pains me I can’t share this withmy English-speaking friends :/

YA

The Knife of Never Letting Go (Chaos Walking Book 1) by Patrick Ness. It’shands down the coolest YA book I have ever read and it doesn’t even… feel likeYA at all, more like sci-fi? It could just as easily have gone in the “experimental”category and I don’t wanna give too much away but… the typeface of this book ispart of its charm? Different characters have different fonts and shit? Definitelyread a physical copy of this. Also, the narrator is illiterate so he writeswords by sounding them out – and I know that sounds like that would bedistracting but trust me it’s fantastic??? Please please PLEASE give this atry.

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley. Y’all want a good queerstory that’s not romance-heavy but instead has intricate worldbuilding and really cool magic? Pleaseread this, you will not be disappointed. This is a more “adult” version of YoungAdult Fiction and I absolutely love it.

A Darker Shade of Magic by V.E. Schwab. Is this fantasy, actually? Probably. Does it haveissues? Yes. Is it still a very fun ride with a cool magic/power system? HELLYES. Also the characters are a bit older, which works very well. It’s like YAafter you’ve kind of outgrown YA.

Murder/Mystery

The Strings of Murder (& sequels in the “Frey & McGray” series) by Oscar de Muriel –listen, the main character is a little SHIT and that’s absolutely fine? Themysteries are kind of convoluted but not in a distracting way, it’s just a funseries with fun characters that I really enjoyed!

The Seven Dials Mystery by Agatha Christie (and honestly pretty much everything she has everwritten) – I have nothing to say about Agatha Christie that has not been saidbefore :’D

Phantom bySusan Kay. Now this is kind of also a drama and it’s been a while since I’veread it so idk how well it fits into the murder/mystery category but it’s aboutthe Phantom of the Opera before he became the actual Phantom (or rather, thepath to how he became the Phantom), and I have endless love for this verydramatic and mysterious and misunderstood character so… yeah :D

Collections of Short Stories

Topics About Which I Know Nothing by Patrick Ness. Yes, this is the author of “ChaosWalking” (see above), and this is a collection of a VAST variety of shortstories he has written, all of which are insanely creative and so, so fun??This man has an insane imagination and I love it, instant recommendation toanyone honestly.

Dear Life byAlice Munro – another one that I read a while ago and don’t remember that muchabout, but I remember absolutely loving this book, and that it’s one of thebooks that made me want to read more short story collections :D

The Refugeesby Viet Thanh Nguyen – an interesting bit of perspective, this book centersaround different characters who are Vietnamese or of Vietnamese descent in theUnited States. I loved how eye-opening it was tbh?? I love reading books byauthors from cultures vastly different from my own and this was wonderful.

Poetry/Experimental

Milk and Honey / The Sun and Her Flowers by Rupi Kaur – two collections of very personaland touching modern formless poetry that honestly blew me away. I’m not a bigfan of classic poetry, or poetry in general, but these two books are justincredible.

Good morning, Good night by Lin-Manuel Miranda – a collection of Lin’s “good morning”/ “goodnight” tweets that, idk, give me hope for humanity? Ideal for perusing if youneed cheering up and just an all-round wholesome book to own.

Ella Minnow Pea by Mark Dunn – a “novel without letters” I wouldn’t know where to placeexcept under “experimental” because its premise is basically… an island thatslowly bans more and more letters from everyday use? It’s told in the form ofletters between the characters and it’s just… such a FEAT of writing, the waythe author forces his characters (and himself) to get by with fewer and fewerletters of the alphabet? Fascinating, from a writer’s perspective, and anabsolute recommendation!!!

Sleeping Giants (Book 1 of the Themis Files) by Sylvain Neuvel. This is a sci-fi book,but it’s under “experimental” because, well – it’s told through interviews. Iwas a little confused/put off in the beginning by this style, but the jaw-droppingstory pulled me in and hooked me. It’s a sci-fi EPIC… don’t get too attached toanyone because the apocalypse is coming for them all - and you’ll be at theedge of your goddamn seat. This is a fantastic series.

Drama

The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. Honestly, anything by Khaled Hosseini, unsurpassedauthor of dramas that will rip your heart to shreds, and you’ll never be thesame after reading them.

Everything I never told you by Celeste Ng. This is one of those books that will never leave you afteryou’ve read it. It starts with “Lydia is dead. But they don’t know this yet.” –unravelling the mystery and consequences of the death of a Chinese-Americanfamily’s teenage daughter in gut-wrenching detail. A family story that willleave you sobbing on the floor but also filled with such profound hope forhumanity – I don’t even know. This book eviscerated me.

Homegoing byYaa Gyasi – the story of two sisters, one a slave and the other a slave-owner’swife, and their descendants. A family history of choices and consequence thatis… raw and personal and a very, very important book.

Home Fire byKamila Shamsie. The story of a British-Pakistani family – more specifically,the story of three children whose father was a terrorist. I am weak for familystories, and this one is politically charged and relevant and gut-wrenching aswell.

Novels/Fiction

The Hours byMichael Cunningham. The first book I read in a stream-of-consciousness style,and I still really enjoy the plot of it, too: The story follows three women;Virginia Woolf writing a novel in the 1920s, a woman reading this novel in the40s, and a woman basically living the plot of this novel in the 90s. It’sfascinating, really? I highly recommend it.

The History of Bees by Maja Lunde. Another story told in three time periods – a man whoinvents a new type of beehive for beekeepers in the 1800s, a beekeeper whosebees are dying in approximately present day, and a woman 100 years in thefuture who pollinates plants by hand because all the bees have vanished. It’s…fascinating, again, and a really good story. I also feel like it was quiteeducational? I enjoyed it a lot.

Small Great Things by Jodi Picoult. Technically this is a drama too (but shh) – it followsa black delivery nurse who is charged with a serious crime after an incidentinvolving the baby of a White Supremacist couple. It’s an explosive topic butit’s handled with a lot of nuance? Reading this book will frustrate you greatly,but I think it’s… idk, important? It shook me.

Eyrie by TimWinton. I have never seen depression portrayed more accurately than in thisbook. I was highlighting passages on almost every page – also the style ispretty cool? Snappy? Sharp? I’m not good at describing it but… yeah this leftan impact.

Non-Fiction (listen I knowthese are all by youtubers but hear me out)

So Much I want to Tell You by Anna Akana – letters written by Anna to her sister, who committedsuicide when she was 13. It’s raw and personal and important, stories aboutpersonal growth and lessons learned, about grief and regret and moving on. Irecommend this 100%.

Secrets For The Mad by Dodie Clark. A collection of charming stories and anecdotes and songlyrics and doodles – a book that reads like what watching dodie’s music videos andvlogs feels like. Safe and soft and personal. I love this.

Doing It byHannah Witton – a book about sex education that honestly everyone should read.Hannah blazes through taboos like they’re nothing more than hot air – as theyshould be. (Also, watch her videos.)

Bonus

The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho. I don’t even know what category to put this in? It reads like a fable and it is just... so beautiful and enchanting. Please read it, you will not be disappointed. It’s a story of chasing your dreams and self-discovery and it’s... just wonderful.

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Did I make this entire listas a means of procrastination? Yes. Am I sorry? No.

Listen I have been wantingto blog about books for the LONGEST TIME but I never took the time to because…idk, I am not involved with the book reviewer community on any platform andhonestly I’m intimidated? But I do have a lot of Thoughts so if you’ve read anyof these and want to yell about them with/at me please dm me??? Or send me anask if you want to hear more detailed opinions about any of these from me????

…yeah. Thank you for this question,man. I love books.

Send me “top 5″ of anything and I’ll respond with my favorites!!!

[applegelstore]

My sis and I are through with the actual main plot of KH3, so I can officially go back to scheduled ToZ fangirling now. …Well, I promised Cray a bit of fix-it-fanart, so after that, I guess.

Hit the cut for a resume. It got super long and has endgame story spoilers, so you might not want to stumble upon it by accident.

Another extra big shoutout (again!) to @crazayrock for bearing my liveblogging on Discord, screaming without context and occasional spoilers. And linking me fluffy Soriku doujinshi. Here, have my favourite, spoiler-heavy excerpt of our conversation:

Okay anyway, let’s get started: GAMEPLAY

Kingdom Hearts 3 is BEAUTIFUL. The gameplay is so smooth and intuitive that you can immediately get to playing like you’d never done anything else; in fact so smooth that I doubt I will ever be able to pick up the first game ever again. It’s always been fun, but the looooooong years’ gap actually did wonders to the gameplay.

The keyblade form changes are fun and keep things fresh, you can do flashy triangle button shit every other minute, and shotlock is still insanely useful without being a game-breaker.

It seems easier than the first two main games, though?

The gummi ship is still a pain in the ass to steer, but I do enjoy the open world-like travel options (even if there’s not… much to discover except heartless lasering the shit out of you). I’m also eternally grateful that they kept the gummi ship thing from KH2 where you can just use a new gummi ship once you got the blueprint and don’t buy actual fucking legos as in the first game.

Thank you, Square. Not thanking you for the dumb cherry flan game, though.

The Caribbean being basically an open world stage was delightful! Apparently what our resident island kid needs is a big ship and tropical islands to plunder.

VISUALS AND STUFF

PRETTY LIGHTS EVERYWHERE

The long gap between the games also did wonders to the visuals.

There’s finally, FINALLY a few towns with actual NPCs you can talk to. Why it took the team so many years and the Gods know how many games is beyond me. The magic effects are beautiful, the animations smooth (honestly you can hardly tell apart cutscenes and fully rendered CGI scenes in this day and age of the PS4. I’m probably the only person still amazed by this because the only games I played on PS4 before were a few hours of Child of Light and of course Tales of Zestiria and Berseria. No, I still haven’t played FFXV but that’s a topic for another day). How far videogames have come.Even space finally looks like space, lol. Not really high-end what the PS4 can do I assume but god, it’s such an amazing and much needed upgrade from the terrible textureless colourful tubes you flew through before.

No excuse for the terrible battleship thingy before the Keyblade Graveyard, though. I got lost and beaten up so many times and crashed against more walls than I can count.

Nothing beats the World that Never Was, but the Keyblade Graveyard also has creepy cool potential, as does the beautiful but ghosted City in the Sky.

Still not getting what’s with JRPGs and very Definitely Final Dungeons (TM) that are basically space. …………or heaven. Or nothing. I’m getting the bad kind of original NGE TV series ending vibes. But. Okay.

The soundtrack is splendid

.……I miss Traverse Town and Radiant Garden, however.

Which brings us to:

THE WORLDS

I guess I can live with no more Final Fantasy characters being there (although I always loved that), and the meta jokes in Toy Story world really got me. Seeing Disney characters calling the KH villains call out on their shit was delightful. …the KH characters lampshading their own games’ sloppy dialogue writing was delightful.Still, those Disney worlds are always so much more in my head than what I actually get to play. This has been bugging me ever since the first game and it still does. I do not expect or want to replay the entire movies, but would it hurt to give the cutscenes some goddamn background music? Whenever there’s cutscenes, either the world’s usual BGM keeps playing or the music stops altogether. Together with the shortened dialogues and generally drastically shortened plots with odd cuts, that leads to scenes that are awkward at best. They never even remotely have the impact the movies had. You just sit there and think “oh wow that is so silly and awkward”.

Dancing scene in Corona? My favorite scene in Tangled. Zero impact on me without the lovely BGM (at least they made it a minigame so the moment isn’t over after 3 secs). Just for example. You can ask me like, world by world, but I can think of only exception off the top of my head and it’s not helping:

Let it Go of course. Listen guys, I actually love the song. But it’s so overused (and Frozen is an overrated movie at best that doesn’t deserve its hype in the slightest) that I can’t even really enjoy it being there. Like.


IF THAT’S OKAY WITH YOU,WHY DIDN’T YOU INCLUDE LITERALLY ANY OTHER ORIGINAL SONG FROM THE ORIGINAL MOVIES. Instead of BGM just not being there entirely, or in odd, cringey re-renderings that nobody wants to listen to (*cough* Atlantica *cough*).

Why torture me and not give me the one good scene from At World’s End (the up is down scene) when you had the chance?Kingdom Hearts is also prone to super lazy level design and wasting chances at wonderful scenery for no apparent reason other than I suppose empty cliffsides are quick to render. All games before did that, and KH3 is, sadly, no exception. We get to see a bit of Corona and Athens and they finally have NPCs, too, but you cannot even get near Arendelle. You cannot enter Elsa’s palace. You spend the entire time there climbing around in the snowy mountains of Norway, and unfortunately it looks less interesting than one would expect from the lovely concept art that the film unfortunately never used.You cannot enter Rapunzel’s tower although Sora can apparently parkour his way up even without her help.

………In short, the places you can go are, again, very limited, and a lot of interesting places and scenes you never get to see.

And to follow the plot you still only need the stuff that does NOT happen in those Disney worlds because they’re all beach filler episodes. It’s always been like that, but I keep wondering whether I’m the only one bothered by that. I’m also still salty they didn’t introduce a single new world from a 2D animated movie.

Also, as I said, I miss Traverse Town, it felt so warm and welcoming and beautiful.

And I get behind The World that Never Was missing although I loved it there, but why not give us back Radiant Garden? Destiny Islands since they’ve been restored? Disney Castle?

As much as I love the series, it never fucking lives up to its own potential. Idk whether it’s made more difficult by copyright issues or whatever, I just know that it bugs me.The first two games also had like twice as many worlds.

PLOT

I mean it’s never been deep; however, it’s complicated. No analysis or whatever from me because plot analysis and meta writing bore me like seven hells, just my emotional reaction: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 
Okay, bad news. I got into it expecting nothing, and still got disappointed. I don’t actually enjoy the prospect of writing essays about it, but here’s my tea with it; in not particular order:

1) the pacing is terrible. Nothing happens for like 30 hours and then suddenly like 20 characters’ arcs are (naturally poorly) resolved within the last few hours of cutscenes. Build up anyone? At least they actually did pick up Maleficent and the box thing again. …In the epilogue.

2) Speaking of build ups, Sora’s breakdown could have been developed nicely and steadily over the game to feel natural, and instead it’s hinted at in the beginning by everyone picking on him, but then it’s never further developed and comes out of fucking nowhere. Like. For real? It felt terribly OOC.

3) Why on earth have they shown 90% of the plot in the trailers already, and why are those scenes so massively disappointing in context

4) Kairi. Oh god, Kairi. What are we gonna do with you. I want to love her, I really do, but she’s a prime example of shittily written female leads. Mostly because she’s not leading. It’s not her fault. She’s just a fictional character. But honest to God, Nomura, why. Her screen time is almost nonexistent, and she’s entirely use- and helpless whenever she’s on screen (which isn’t often). Her ONLY point in the plot is being rescued because she is fucking useless. Why. Just why. Why waste her character like that. All we know is that she’s shoehorned into being the token love interest, but she has zero plot relevance and there is even less build up of her relationship with Sora. It’s all tell and NEVER show; and not even much telling, either. She has literally zero direct interaction with in the entire game before they share their paopu. The question remains: why are straights like this

5) On a related note: look, I don’t even ask for (or expect, or even hope) my ship to be canon. Squeenix doesn’t exactly have a rich history in queer representation. I’m totally fine with Sora and Riku being best friends. BUT. Building up Sora as the most important person in Riku’s life (and arguably, vice versa) over the course of several games, just to then hardly have them interact in the finale and then SUDDENLY bring back Kairi into the equation, who hasn’t interacted with him since the ending of KH2 (except for one unsent(?) letter) is just piss poor writing, period.I actually love Cray’s suggestion she gave me over Discord: let Sora, Kairi and Riku all share a paopu together (and let them group hug, too, you cowards). It would have been the perfect message to send (Sora as truly all-loving hero, and loving all your friends equally; romantic love isn’t more important than platonic love and doesn’t need to be singled out). Really sad that this isn’t what happens. Apparently that wouldn’t have been no homo enough.

LET THE DESTINY TRIO GROUP HUG YOU COWARDS


Do Riku and Kairi even interact once in the whole game?


HOW IS THIS A TRIO, IT’S JUST A SHITTILY WRITTEN LOVE TRIANGLE

6) Time travelling is a bitch, Christ. It doesn’t solve plotholes or can be played for drama, it just adds MORE plotholes. It just got WORSE. The cloning blues and people not aging doesn’t help, either.

7) Just so you know, I care absolutely zero for wild fan theories. You’re not Nomura. I want a statement from the man who wrote this shit himself why on bloody earth Sora dies when he apparently successfully found and brought back Kairi (and since nobody aged a day, apparently it didn’t even take that long lol). DUDES, THIS IS KINDA PART OF THE PLOT, AND YOU DON’T BOTHER TO EXPLAIN IT INGAME???? And how was Ienzo/Zexion able to revive Naminé while Kairi was still missing/dead/whatever…?

Okay so in short the writing is worse than ever and that’s saying something.

However, let’s try to find something good in this trainwreck; it wasn’t all bad. There’s some really nice scenes which sadly are better enjoyed without any context at all.

So, guess my favourite scenes.You had time enough, here’s the solution:

1) Purifying uhm er rescuing Aqua. Poor girl. She deserves the rest. Poor, poor Aqua. The only properly wirrten female in the whole damn franchise. Also the only person other than Riku who fucking gets shit done.

2) The Gayblade (TM)

3) Happy Axel in the reunion with his kids. Oh god, the poor chap deserves it so much. Thank you, Nomura. I don’t care that it makes pretty much no sense. Make him happy. Give him his friends back. Just give Axel all his friends and let him happily set things on fire. Hi I love Axel

4) The party at the beach cutscene before the credits roll. Axel and Xion get clothes. Half the organization is on our side now. I almost teared up at the Wayfinder trio saying goodbye to Eraqus’ forceghost. Hey come on he’s the voice of Luke Skywalker

5) Sully yeeting Vanitas

6) Woody calling out Xehanort that nobody loves him

7) Jack Sparrow bad breathing Luxord

I wish we had gotten:

1) justice for Kairi

2) a happy Zexion, the poor emo kid. Well maybe now he will be, with all the orga members who changed sides now, lol.

3) I will never trust mobile games ever again so I don’t want to play KHUX but I would have loved to learn about the Keyblade Wars :;))))


WHAT WAS THE KEYBLADE WAR ABOUT CAN WE SPEND MORE TIME IN THAT COOL CITY IN THE SKY WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH MIKLEO
I MEAN THAT EPHEMER KIDDO


WHAT’S WITH THE MASKED DUDES AND DUDETTES FROM THE MOVIE


WTF WHAT HAPPENED TO THEM AFTER THE MOVIE???? WHERE THOSE KEYBLADE USER NAMES ACTUAL MOBILE GAME PLAYER NAMES??? Next game? PLEASE?

I really, REALLY hope the epilogue means we will get Xiggy/Luxu as our new big bad and we learn more about the five dudes and dudettes from the movie. Please. PLEASE. I’m so up for it. Them finally pickung up the bit with Maleficent and the mysterious box again? Hell yeah.

The secret movie was really unexciting in comparison, although I laughed very hard at the “Verum Rex” scene in Toy Story world. Maybe that’s why it was much cheaper to unlock than in KH1 and KH2.

4) give Ven a drink

DLC ideas I would actually pay for because I’m a sad human being: 1) more Disney worlds 2) Japanese audio 3) at least one of the following as permanently playable characters: Riku, Kairi, Axel, Ven, Aqua. At least as a guest member as in KH2. THIS SUCH A BIG STEP BACKWARDS I’M FUMING

FINAL THOUGHTS

Kingdom Hearts 3 is a hella lot of fun, beautiful, and also moving when it sets its mind to it. Unfortunately it doesn’t always do so. I don’t feel like it wasn’t worth the wait; it was. However, I’m very salty how rotten the writing is. I do not mind logical fallacies, I do not mind the cheesiness and cringeyness; however, I do mind how so many interesting characters do not get the screentime they deserve, and Kairi is a very bad joke.

I’ll probably find more to nitpick about (Gods. Just. Don’t come up with dub excuses why Sora is lv 1 in each game. JUST LEAVE IT BE. You don’t explain why Donald and Goofy are lv 1 again, either. JUST. LEAVE. IT. BE. The sacrifice was dumb and not even moving, I’m just still furious that Kairi’s ONLY point in the plot is being so useless that it’s literally getting herself KILLED and she needs constant rescuing to the point that Sora has to sacrifice himself for her, effectively. Kairi deserves better, Sora deserves better, I deserve better than to think about this absurdity.…I’m just… gonna cherry-pick the good bits from the lore and try to pretend the finale didn’t exist, I guess. GODS.

[allthemarvelousrage]

And the Moon to Watch Over You (A Rubicon Short Story)

So. Some of you are aware that @solivar​ and I have been brewing our own urban fantasy universe, Rubicon. I wrote a short story for Bae, set in that universe. Here it is. 

Be warned: queer relationships, blatant disaster gays, filthy with feelings, werewolves and angels and fairies, oh my.

CW: brief mention of suicidal ideation, smut, cursing, definitely not safe for public.

And the Moon to Watch Over You

Most of the time, Rafael Roman loved his work. He had come through fire and blood and pain and death to make something of himself, and that something he had made happened to come with the privilege of being in a position to help others get through their own traumas. He cherished every smile, every shakily tearful laugh, every heartfelt catharsis he witnessed. He treasured the pain his clients chose to share with him, was always humbled by the trust they showed him when they confessed their burdens.

This was not one of those days.

He scrubbed his face as he sat in his car, staring bleakly at the doors of the Emergency department through the rain-streaked windshield and wishing like hell it had been a different outcome. His eyes burned. He swallowed hard to get past the lump in his throat. Ground his heels hard against his eyes as he rubbed them. Gods above and below, he thought, letting his head thump softly back against the headrest. This day needs to end.

The driver side door abruptly opened, and it was a measure of his exhaustion that he barely reacted, only turned wearily to eye the interloper. Somehow, he was unsurprised to see that it was Hope, the mass of loose green curls framing her face perfectly immune to the rain and wind lashing at the ends of her stylish woolen trench coat.

She stared in at him for a moment, her vibrant green eyes piercing and gentle, so much so that he had to look away as the lump rose in his throat again. Then her hand touched his forehead, cool and soft, and he released a shaky breath and fought not to lean gratefully into that simple point of contact. “You’ve looked better, Rafael,” she said, not unkindly. “Moodily staring out the window in the hospital parking lot is not a good aesthetic for you.”

Despite himself, he huffed a laugh. A tired, short and almost humorless laugh, but a laugh nonetheless. “Let me guess. Felix called you to be my support pixie after he pried me out of the waiting room.”

“Before, actually,” she said with a smile, and her head tilted. “How bad is it?”

Just like that, the bile rolled back up in his throat and he swallowed convulsively again. “Bad enough,” he said, low and raw, and gave into the urge to scrub his face again. “Maybe if I hadn’t sent Ron home, he wouldn’t have—”

Hope’s finger slid across his lips, shushing him before he could complete that thought. “You’re not omnipotent, Rafael,” she said sternly. “And you know as well as I do that, even as powerful as we are, we can’t help absolutely everyone.”

“Doesn’t make it less shitty when we fail,” he muttered, and sighed. “Did you just come for the pep talk, or is there an ulterior motive lurking in your springy green curls?”

She gave him an exasperated look, tempered with a fond smile. “I came,” she replied, and nudged him firmly by the shoulder, “to drive you home. You’re in no shape, so budge over.”

Rafe eyed her, debated arguing, but eventually gave up the notion that he’d actually win an argument with her in his current condition. He turned to critically examine the space between the driver’s seat and the passenger, attempted to discern if he had the flexibility to slide over without getting out of the car, and decided not to chance it. The last thing he needed was the gearshift ending up somewhere sensitive.

“You don’t have to, you know,” he said, entire body protesting as he forced it upright into the rain, and turned up his collar as he hurried around the front bumper and slid into the shotgun seat with a minimum of rain trickling down the back of his neck.

“I am well aware of that, Rafael,” Hope replied primly, as she tucked herself into the driver’s seat and adjusted it to her comfort. “You could no doubt call almost anyone in this town and they’d be quite willing to give you a ride anywhere you wanted to go, but right now, you need family.” A delicate pause. “I assume Julius and Joel are…”

“First day of the full moon,” Rafe said tiredly, and closed his eyes as Hope finished adjusting mirrors and the seat position to her liking. His faint sigh disappeared in the sound of the engine turning over. “They’ll be gone for a few more nights.”

“Wolves,” she said, only semi-scathingly, and reversed out of the parking space. “The moon is a treacherous thing, you know. You can’t trust it.”

“I’m a sun god,” he replied with a grin, but didn’t open his eyes, because the lassitude was spreading, and he stifled a yawn. “You don’t have to tell me twice.”

Hope’s fingers drifted briefly along his temple, brushing through his hair. “Sleep, Rafe,” she murmured, and he felt the pull of her magic tugging at his consciousness, trying to nudge it under. He could fight it, but didn’t bother. It would take Hope at least twenty minutes to reach his place with the speed at which she drove, and he figured it would take him at least that long to recharge enough energy to drag himself into a brief shower before he collapsed in bed.

He let the hum of the road, and the hypnotic rhythm of Hope’s magic, and his own exhaustion pull him to slumber, and hoped he wouldn’t dream.

---

He jolted awake as the door to his right opened to let the rain and wind in, and he blinked owlishly at the rain-soaked gables of his own house. The immediacy of it was unsettling, as if it had been a long blink between the hospital parking lot and his driveway, and he took a moment to settle his breathing at the apparent suddenness.

Hope reached in over him to press the release latch of his seat belt buckle, the scent of her hair abruptly filling his nose with spring and verdance and budding flowers. “Come on, feathers,” she murmured, and stroked a hand through his hair. “Let’s get you upstairs and into bed.”

“I’m not a child,” he complained, though he didn’t try to stop her from helping him out of the car, slipping the keys into his jacket pocket as she tucked an arm around his waist. “I’m actually very old.”

“So are the hills,” Hope replied sweetly, and manhandled him up the path leading to his front door. “And they fall right the fuck apart without some help to keep them in one piece.”

“I hate you,” he said sincerely, as she opened the door for them both. “So very much.”

“I know,” she said, and stripped his coat off him, hanging it on its customary hook. “You need help with your shoes, or are you good from here?”

He bit back his kneejerk instinctual response — that he was just fine by himself, thank you very much — and actually let himself consider the question, factoring in the stairs, the shower, his empty stomach, and sighed. “I could use a cup of tea and a sandwich,” he admitted, grudgingly, and tried not to roll his eyes when Hope bent to untie his shoes.

“I know where the kitchen is,” she said, when she straightened again, and actually attempted to loosen his tie for him before he batted at her hands, knocking them away. “You go get a shower, get changed, and I’ll feed you when you’re done.”

“Yes mom,” he grumbled, and shuffled towards the stairs, working his tie out of its knot and unbuttoning his dress shirt, like a big boy. He debated whether or not to let his clothing fall wherever he happened to be when shedding it, but decided against that, at least until he was in the private suite he shared with Jules. The last time he’d left laundry in public, he’d been lucky to find the scent-drunk wolf rolling around in it before Jules had.

To say his mate was possessive and territorial at times was hilariously understating it. He’d mellowed out some in recent years, but Rafe still did his best to reduce opportunities for the feral wolf king of old to raise his hackles anew.

He stuffed his shed clothes into the basket just outside the en suite bathroom, and scrubbed his hands tiredly through his hair as he padded naked towards the decadently multi-head shower enclosure. He turned the water as hot as it could go, waited the perfunctory minute for the spray to warm up, and stepped in, groaning loudly in sheer delight as those decadent heads angled perfectly to hit his back in all its sorest spots obligingly began pounding the knots out of his shoulders and spine.

He leaned against the tiled wall of the enclosure, eyes closed and mind blessedly blank of all thoughts but enjoyment of his day finally washing down the drain under his feet. Only when he felt his skin start to prune did he reach for the shower gel and his favorite shampoo, and finish the process of feeling like a person again.

With his hair still damp but smelling delightfully like cucumber and pear, he dragged one of Jules’ worn long-sleeve shirts out of a drawer and hauled sweatpants over his hips. Absently, he pulled the hem of the shirt to his nose, inhaling the soft, faded scent of his mate embedded in the cotton, and made his way back downstairs before the energy the shower had refilled wore off.

Hope should have looked utterly ridiculous, slathering peanut butter on bread, in her mint blue Vince Camuto off-shoulder dress and strappy teal Jimmy Choos, especially with Rafe’s own Caution: Cook will be hot frilly apron tied neatly around her neck and waist, but one of the more irritating things Rafe had discovered about the fae during his long partnership with her was that a fairy could make anything work for them. Instead of looking like a crayon factory fire, she looked somehow elegant and cultured.

Rafe slid grudgingly onto a stool across the floating island where Hope was doing something ungodly with dill pickles and peanut butter, and he eyed the abomination taking shape on the plate he sincerely hoped was not his. “What the hell is that?”

“It’s good, is what it is,” Hope replied serenely, over the distinctive sound as she screwed the lid back onto the pickle jar, licked peanut butter off her thumb, and nudged the plate towards him. “It’s crunchy, which you like, and smooth, which you try to be,” she added, turning to fetch a cup and a teabag, and adding hot water from the recently-boiled kettle. “Everything a glowing body needs. Eat up.”

He prodded it gingerly, resolutely suppressing his mouth’s urge to water profusely at the oddly enticing scents rose to tickle his nose. “There are easier ways to get my half of our practice without poisoning me.”

She set the cup down in front of him and sighed dramatically, hands going behind her back to untie the apron. “Sometimes I miss the old days,” she lamented. “If this were my kingdom, I could have you beheaded for impertinence.”

“If this were my kingdom,” Rafe replied sweetly, girding his loins and picking one of the neat quarters off the plate. “Oh wait, it is my kingdom. Lucky for you we stopped beheading people ages ago.”

Hope smiled, reached across the island and ruffled his hair. “Eat your fucking sandwich, feathers.”

He leaned into her hand, eyes drifting closed, and felt only a minor pang of loss when she pulled her hand gently back and sat across from him with her own cup of tea. “Thanks, Hope,” he said, and gingerly nibbled on a corner. Once his mouth had recovered from the assault of taste and flavors, he made a noise of deep enjoyment and wolfed the rest of it down, groaning in delight the whole time.

“Told you,” Hope murmured, smiling smugly, and sipped her tea. “Want another?”

“Fuck yes,” he said, heartfelt, and held his plate out for more. “Please and thank you.”

She made him two this time, while he gulped his tea only barely mindful of its temperature, and one for herself. As she settled back into place, she eyed him, the smile fading. “Do you want to talk about tonight, Rafe?” she asked quietly, a hand going across the island counter to rest cool fingertips across his wrist. “I understand if you don’t, but…”

“No,” Rafe said, turning his hand under hers so he could link their fingers. “No, I don’t want to, but that just means I should.” He scrubbed his face tiredly and ate another quarter sandwich. “I’m going to replay it until I figure out what I missed. Ron’s always ideated suicide, but I never thought he’d—” His throat closed and he swallowed painfully, squeezing his eyes shut.

“I reviewed his session tape before I came to pick you up,” Hope said, in the silence that surrounded them, and her hand squeezed his reassuringly. “I wouldn’t have thought he would either. And maybe he didn’t think he would, until he did. Even being able to read minds doesn’t make us perfect therapists, Rafe. You know that.”

“I know,” he said, dipping his head and inhaling the scent of Jules from the hem of his shirt again, wishing fruitlessly he could have the real thing tonight instead of a phantom stand-in. “I know. I just… I hate when I have to sign someone into a psych hold against their wishes. I … I just really fucking hate it.”

“I know,” Hope said soothingly, her other hand coming to cover their linked fingers. “But sometimes, it’s part of the job.” A delicate pause, long enough for him to flick his eyes up to meet hers. “Do you want me to take over as his therapist, Rafe?” she asked finally. “Or maybe find someone else for him going forward?”

Rafe’s mouth opened, shut, opened again, and closed with a sigh. “Might be for the best,” he said wryly, shoved the final quarter of sandwich into his mouth, and chewed before continuing. “But I don’t want to make any decisions when I’m this tired and this emotional. Only bad things come from me doing that.”

“Smart idea,” Hope agreed, smiled gently at him, and extricated her hands from his in order to begin cleaning up the dishes. “Do you need anything else before I take off?” she asked over her shoulder as she turned to rinse their plates in the sink.

Rafe felt an uncharacteristic pang of panic at the thought of being alone tonight, a rapid two-step hammer of his heart rate abruptly picking up speed, and the subsequent surge of adrenaline that came with it, but wrestled all those responses back. “Can’t convince you to stay?” he asked, with a half-hearted and wry grin. “You could read Grimm’s fairy tales to lull me to sleep.”

Hope smirked, and her eyes flicked over his shoulder, just as he heard the sliding door open, and a chilled breeze gust against the back of his neck. “I think I’d be something of a third wheel tonight,” she murmured demurely, drying her hands and turning to face him. “Good evening, Julius. I’ll be out of your fur presently. Kindly save the porn until I’m safely out of the room?”

The deep, amused whuff of assent behind him, gruff and beloved and as familiar to him as his own name, brought tears to Rafe’s eyes. “You told Tempe I needed Jules, didn’t you?” he said, faintly accusatory but finding it hard to actually be upset with her.

She shrugged one shoulder with a pleased smile playing around the corners of her mouth. “What’s the point of having an identical sister in your husband’s pack if I can’t telepathically relay your needs to your mate?”

“I hate you,” he said around the lump in his throat, sliding off the stool at the sound of toe claws clicking across the kitchen floor, and buried his face in Jules’ ruff, fingers burrowing deep into his fur.

“Yes, I know.” He felt her bend to press a kiss to the crown of his head, and her hand touched the back of his neck, warm and bright and infused with her magic. “I bid thee farewell for the evening, Rafael. You’ve thanked me twice this night, and for that doubled insult, I leave you with a wolf to chase you, and the moon to watch over you. Try not to enjoy yourself too  much, and take tomorrow off, hm?”

Whatever pithy comment he would normally retort to an exit like that was lost in the head-swimming scent of Jules’ fur against his cheek, the solid, muscular warmth of him as he growled softly, in just that way that always weakened Rafe’s knees. Fur became skin, muscles shifted under his touch, but Jules’ growl didn’t change with him.

“I called you,” Jules said, deep and rumbling, sliding a hand into Rafe’s curls to pull his head back. “Before I left.”

Rafe’s breath caught in his lungs, low fire abruptly flaring in his groin, because Jules did not look particularly happy with him, and that meant a very good night ahead. “You did,” he croaked, and closed his eyes reflexively as Jules bent his head back further with the grip in his hair, nuzzled along the lines of his throat with hot lips and sharp teeth.

“Do you remember what you said to me?” A hand tipped with sharp claws traced delicate lines down his cheek, and Rafe bit back a whimper of desire.

“I told you I was fine,” he whispered, mouth gone dry as a bone and erection leaping to life as Jules nipped his neck, the faint scarred place where he’d sealed their bond long ago. “And I was. I was fine.”

“Angel…” Jules’s grip on him gentled, hands framing Rafe’s face and allowing him to get a proper look at his mate for the first time. His breath caught again, desire flaring higher, at the wildness in Jules’s eyes, the feeling of danger edging into the pinpricks of his clawtips against Rafe’s skin, the soft, exasperatedly fond look that was as familiar to him as his own name. “You’re not fine. You’re wearing sweatpants.”

He laughed, despite himself, buried his face in the side of Jules’ throat and clung to him as he laughed until he was crying, until his breath came ragged and gasping, until all the energy he’d managed to scrape together from his shower and meal had drained again, leaving him limp and listless in Jules’ carefully cradling embrace. “Yes,” he said, when he caught his breath again, sank a hand in Jules’ windblown hair and kissed him, light and sweet. “I’m wearing sweatpants. Clearly, a cry for help.”

“When it’s you, my prissy sweatpants-are-for-plebians mate,” Jules said wryly, “yes, it is.” His hands smoothed up Rafe’s back under the shirt, warm and broad and shivery-good, and it took superhuman effort for Rafe to not melt into a puddle right then and there. “You’re wearing my shirt,” he said, sounding faintly pleased. “You don’t do that when I’m home.”

“I don’t need to do it when you’re home,” Rafe shot back, sighed with a lopsided smile. “I have the real thing when you’re home.” Jules’ eyes darkened into true gold at that, heated and intense, and his thumb traced Rafe’s lower lip. A thrill shot up Rafe’s spine, and shivered back down. “Stop it,” he said, completely without conviction, as a smug, alpha-male grin curved Jules’ mouth. “It’s comforting. I had a shitty day.”

In one fluid motion, Jules surged to his and lifted Rafe right along with him, a move that absolutely did not make him squeak in surprise. Jules’ mouth came down on his, hard and breathstealing and possessive. You belong to me, Jules rumbled, nudging Rafe’s knees apart and wrapping his legs around his waist, as Rafe’s ass nudged up against the edge of the island, slid onto it.

Rafe broke for air, breathless and flustered, and laced his fingers together behind Jules’ head. “You’re such a fucking heathen, old wolf.”

“Infernal wolf god of the underworld,” Jules agreed, nuzzling his cheek. “You wanna talk about your shitty day?”

Rafe considered, playing with the hair at the back of Jules’ neck. “No,” he said after a moment. “Not anymore.”

Jules grinned, he could feel it curve against the pulse point under his jaw, and he jumped as Jules’ teeth scraped his skin again. “You want me to take you upstairs and tuck you into bed?”

That required no consideration whatsoever. “Abso-fucking-lutely,” he said, locking his ankles together and finding a grin of his own curving his mouth. “Bonus points if we actually make it to the bed itself this time.”

---

They did not quite make it to the bed.

Rafe’s sweatpants lay in ribbons somewhere on the stairs leading up to their private suite, and he had enough mental wherewithal to be distantly sorry for whatever wolf Jules caught rolling around in it in the morning. It was his last coherent thought for some time.

His back hit the wall just beside the double door opening into their suite, and he had just enough time to gasp and fist his hands in Jules’ hair as the sadistic bastard abruptly dropped to his knees and sucked Rafe’s cock into his mouth, quick and hard. The moan that crawled out of his throat was high and keening, hips flexing helplessly against the iron claw-tipped grip keeping him still.

“Julius!” he gasped, scrabbling for purchase against the wall, his mate’s shoulders, clutching for anything to keep him from collapsing as a long, inhuman tongue curled and flexed and teased the underside of his shaft. “Oh fuck, Julius!”

A growl rumbled out of Jules’ chest, vibrated along the entire length of his cock, and Rafe’s head cracked back against the wall as his back arched abruptly. A hoarse, sobbing noise too raw to be a cry crawled from Rafe’s throat, and his hips jerked free to thrust eagerly into Jules’ wicked mouth. Pleasure built fast, shook his legs, whistled through his keening breath, an almost overwhelming wave rushing furiously through his veins.

Jules, he pleaded brokenly, helpless and writhing, clawing for support as his orgasm swept through him. Yes, fuck yes, almost there, almost….

He howled and thrashed as Jules abruptly pulled back from him, pulled free with a wet, sucking pop, hands pinning him to the wall as he whimpered and jerked, orgasm denied at the last possible second. His eyes snapped open, his teeth ground together, and he glared absolute death at Jules’ smugly serene smile. “Not… fucking… fair,” he whined, rolling his hips in a fruitless search for friction.

“Bed first,” Jules said with a smirk and, one hand keeping his wrists together, the other scooping under his knees, he hoisted Rafe into his arms and carried him into the room, where he dumped him unceremoniously onto the bed and hauled his own shirt over his head.

Rafe, flustered and raw, froze dead at the sight of Jules chest coming bare, his mouth running dry just like it always did, watching the interplay of light and shadow over the lines of his muscles. “God, you’re fucking hot,” he heard himself say, breathless and awed, and reached to tug the button of Jules’ jeans out from its slit in the denim.

Jules’ return chuckle was deep, smug and all male, and his eyes closed in blatant pleasure as Rafe slid his jeans over his hips, and closed a hand around his length, hard and eager and already leaking. “Keep that up,” he murmured, hips rocking lightly in time with Rafe’s strokes, “and I’m gonna forget you’ve had a shitty day and just fuck you until you can’t remember anyone’s name but mine.”

“Seems like as good a way as any to forget about my shitty day,” Rafe replied, and leaned in to brush a kiss to the very tip of him, delighted with the shuddery spasm and muffled grunt that resulted. “You’ll have to tell me which name, though, old wolf. You’ve had so many throughout the years.”

Something primal, ancient and untamed flashed through his eyes, and his grin was full of dark promise and sharp fangs as he crawled with inhuman grace onto the bed, pulling Rafe under him and fumbling with the cap to the lubricant kept on his nightstand. “You know which one,” he murmured, and captured Rafe’s mouth in a brutally possessive kiss, hand tight enough on Rafe’s hip to leave bruises.

Rafe whimpered, head forced back as Jules bit at his throat, and his own nails dug into Jules’ shoulders, making breathless noises as Jules slicked him, then eased into him with surprising gentleness. “I love you, old wolf,” he whispered into Jules’ sweat-damp hair, clutching him desperately as he pulled almost all the way out again.

“That’s not my name,” Jules said gleefully, and snapped his hips forward, driving into him deep and hard, and Rafe’s cry was bitten off in a long, wordless howl as Jules fucked him fast and mercilessly, breath harsh and hot against his throat, growls savage and loud in his ear.

Every muscle whipped tight and tense, and Rafe keened through his nose, short, sharp pants as his balls tightened and his cock swelled, eyes squeezed shut as he spilled, helplessly, furiously, against the friction of their bellies in a dizzying crash of pleasure that made his head swim. “Calu,” he cried, locked his legs and arms tight around his mate, rutting against him even as the pleasure reached the point of too much.

“Rath,” Jules rasped, face buried in Rafe’s neck, and Rafe cradled him tight through his climax, whimpering and panting, and Jules’ bone-deep groan of relief and the hot spill of seed inside pulled another moan of bliss from him.

They lay together in the aftermath, a tangle of limbs and sweat-slicked skin and exhaustion. Rafe nestled against Jules, sated and exhausted, eyes drooping as the rhythmic caress of Jules’ hand up and down his back lulled him towards sleep.

A quiet, almost inaudible but clearly satisfied whuff from Jules roused him just a little, though, and he cracked open an eye to stare at him. “I didn’t want you to miss your full moon pack night,” he said softly, answering the unasked question hanging in the air from earlier. “I know how important they are to you. And to the pack.”

Jules heaved a sigh, soft and drawn-out. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re ever going to get it through your head that I love you more than I love running with my pack,” he said finally, and shifted to stroking through Rafe’s hair as Rafe laid his head on his shoulder. “You saw fit to give me a perfectly capable son who is more than qualified to fill in for my pack duties whenever I need him to.”

Rafe traced a fingertip through the hair dusting Jules’ chest, silent as he thought about how to phrase his reply. “I don’t like presuming,” he started, only to find Jules hand sliding across his mouth to shush him.

“No one comes before you and our cub, Rafael,” he said firmly, and followed it up with a brief, but no-nonsense kiss. “Order of priority negotiable. Now, go to sleep. We’ll talk more about this in the morning.”

“Such a fucking heathen beast,” Rafe grumbled, but obediently shut his eyes and this time, didn’t fight slumber as it came for him, falling asleep curled tight and safe in his mate’s arms, with the scent of home easing his dreams.

[sandstonesunspear]

Remembering

Director Sanvers, past Marcy, Lucy-centric

Found a prompt chart for Pride Month and figured I’d try my hand at it. I’m a day behind because life. Parings are random.

AO3

Lucy remembered the day the colours left her life. It had been bright sunny day in Germany when she noticed things growing darker. At first, she thought it was the clouds but when she looked out the window, she found the skies clear as could be. Then, she heard shouting and glanced towards the tv.

The colours kept slipping away as she had watched alongside the rest of her company in stunned silence as the news reports came pouring in. She never said a word. When the towers came down, the colours were gone, replaced by various shades of grey. That was when Lucy knew. A part of her hadn’t want to accept that Marie was gone, but as everything continued to stay grey, she had to face the horrible truth: the woman she loved was dead and she wasn’t coming back.

Six agonising days later, Lucy was back in New York, having secured an emergency assignment back in the states. Instead of driving directly to Fort Drum as ordered, she stopped by Marie’s parents house. She arrived just as some of Marie’s fellows were assuring her parents that Marie was still MIA, that they would find her.

You won’t, Lucy had said quietly. It was a horrible thing to say.

And how do you know? Marie’s partner, a stocky man named Joshua Abrahams, had demanded of her.

The expression on her face told everyone in the room what Lucy herself couldn’t say out loud. Lucy just stood there as Marie’s mother began to wail.

The weather on the day of Marie’s funeral matched the weather in Germany the day she had died: sunny, not a cloud in the sky. Lucy stood in the back, stone faced, with the St. Christopher medal around her neck, as Marie’s family lowered an empty coffin into the ground. The greys she saw were as fitting as they were infuriating and they made Lucy want to scream. But she stayed silent.

She saw colours after she met you, Marie’s sister, Jasmine, had mentioned to her quietly after the funeral. By then, she knew that Lucy had seen them too.

Lucy had said nothing. She couldn’t, not with the lump in her throat. She gave her a curt nod instead.

You meant a lot to her, you know. A sad smile. She couldn’t wait to see you again.

I couldn’t wait either. Lucy broke down and fell into Jasmine’s arms as she wept.

Lucy never thought she would see colours again. Few people ever did after losing their soulmate. In the beginning it bothered her. Grey skies, grey blankets, a grey jumper of Marie’s that she knew to be red, they were all bitter reminders of Marie’s death. As the years went on, though, the bitterness she felt towards the grey colour pallet faded while her grief remained.

Then, she met Alex. She remembered sitting across the snarky, no-nonsense agent when the colours flickered. For one brief moment, Lucy saw the auburn in Alex hair before things went grey again. It made her stomach flip in a way it hadn’t in years. She brushed it off as nerves before calling Alex out as the liar that she was and having her arrested.

Lucy went home and tried to pretend that nothing was wrong. It didn’t work. She kept seeing flashes of colour. They weren’t complete, but they were there.

A few days later, her conscious reared its ugly head following a visit from Kara and the subsequent revelation that she was Supergirl. The next thing she knew, she was on a motorcycle on her way to free Alex from Colonel Harper’s custody. It was exhilarating, but it did little to stop the butterflies that rose up in her stomach when she saw the auburn in Alex’s hair. The look of wonder in Alex’s eyes when she saw her told Lucy all that she needed to know and it terrified her.

Alex left. Lucy went back to work and tried to pretend that nothing was wrong, that the world was still grey for her as it was for so many others. She tried to rekindle things with James in the hope that being with him would stop the colours. It didn’t. Before things could even really start to pick back up between them, Myriad came online. The last thing that Lucy remembered before the wave hit was Alex’s number appearing on her phone. When she came to, it was to a distraught Alex begging Kara to come back. There was a commotion before she passed out again, this time from the pain caused by the secondary wave.

The second time Lucy woke up, it was to Marie standing over her. Her heart caught in her throat. Then she blinked. Marie vanished. In her place was a sweat soaked Alex and her auburn hair, having just returned from space. Lucy wanted to cry.

You alright, Lane?

Fine, Danvers, Lucy had lied. She sat up. Give me a status report.

The auburn never faded.

A few hours later and Lucy was finally free from the clutches of the medbay. She stood in Kara’s apartment and watch the two sisters interact. Seeing them made her hide her smile behind her beer.

Does she know that she makes you see colours? James had asked quietly.

Lucy had just shrugged.

You should tell her, he had said.

I will, when the time is right.

When’s that going to be?

When I’m ready to acknowledge it, is what Lucy wanted to say.

When she’s ready to hear it, is what she had said instead.

Alex was ready to hear it six months later. Lucy had taken over the Desert Base, half because she was ordered to and half to get away from Alex so that she could ignore the slowly returning colours. It didn’t work. She had been neck deep in paperwork when Vasquez delivered the news: Alex Danvers finally had her big gay awakening and, after a few missteps, was in a relationship with an NCPD cop.

She’ll be at Quarks this Friday, ma’am. Says she’s going to introduce her new beau then.

She nodded and sent Vasquez on their way. She rubbed her eyes and felt her stomach twist. Time away from Alex had done nothing to stop the colours. If anything, Lucy had started to notice more colours. They weren’t rich nor were they complete, but they were there and they were becoming constant.

Lucy walked into the dive bar that Friday and tripped when she saw Alex and her girlfriend. A flash of rich colour hit her: the neon tubing of the jukebox, the sky blue alien wearing a forest green jumper, the deep black leather jacket that Alex’s girlfriend was wearing. Lucy could see it all. Alex’s girlfriend turned and Lucy stopped breathing. She immediately reminded her of Marie.

Lucy remembered feeling her jaw unhinge slightly as the colours grew brighter, as if to the match the warm smile Alex’s girlfriend was giving off. Then, she blinked. The colours were muted, but they were there. It made her heart ache.

Lucy approached like nothing was wrong. The joy in Alex’s eyes when she realised that Lucy had arrived made it all worth it.

Glad to see you’re finally out, Danvers.

You knew?!

Of course I knew. We queers signal to each other while in the closet.

Everyone, save for James, Maggie and J’onn, froze.

You’re…

Bi. That part had gotten so much easier to say over the years. She didn’t mention that she could see colours or that she had met and lost her soulmate. Out of the corner of her eye, Lucy saw Maggie falter as she took a closer look at Lucy.

Winn dragged Alex over to the pool table before anyone could say anything else. Lucy flagged down the bartender for a glass of scotch while Maggie glued herself to Lucy’s side.

How long have you been seeing colours? It was soft.

Long enough. Lucy chose to keep her own her eyes on Alex and Winn at the pool table.

You ever think about telling her?

No. Lucy had swirled the contents in her glass, ignoring the way Maggie’s gaze burned against her skin. Telling Alex she could see colours would mean having to accept that she had a new soulmate. It would mean facing the reality that Marie was never coming back. Besides, what was the point? Alex was dating Maggie and from the way they interacted, Maggie was Alex’s soulmate as well.

You should.

You’re dating her.

She needs to know. Besides, something tells me she already knows.

You’re. Dating. Her. Lucy didn’t know if she wanted to punch Maggie or scream. She wanted the colours to stop. She wanted things grey again.

I have a big heart. In an instant, Lucy’s anger cooled. She had been around long enough to know when to read between the lines. It was Maggie’s next comment, however, that made Lucy freeze. They’re brighter, with you.

Lucy had just clenched her jaw. She walked away from Maggie before pulling Alex aside. She spilled her just about every secret she had, save for Marie, and, just like Marie had all those years ago on a chilly Christmas Even, walked away before Alex could say anything. She went home, crawled into bed, and desperately prayed that things would be grey when she woke up.

They weren’t.

Two nights later, Lucy had been in the middle of her latest round of polishing off another bottle of expensive scotch when a knock at the door caught her attention. She opened it and found Alex standing in front her. She looked as exhausted as Lucy felt.

You see them too, don’t you?

I do. Lucy couldn’t keep her eyes off Alex’s lips. They were painted a striking red.

Maggie and I talked. Did you mean it?

Yes.

Alex had just nodded. Then, before Lucy knew what was happening, Alex surged forward. Her arms were around Lucy’s shoulders and a blistering kiss was placed upon Lucy’s lips. Lucy stumbled back and caught herself on the kitchen island. Alex was the one to break the kiss, chest heaving.

You…you can’t just say something like that and walk away, Lane.

I know. She had walked away from her soulmate once and lost her.

The three of us, we should sit down at talk about this.

We should. They had to talk about this, whatever it was. Otherwise, they all risked getting hurt, soulmates or not.

Saturday work?

In another lifetime, Lucy had kissed Alex. In this one, she just brushed a thumb under Alex’s red lips and smiled.

Sounds perfect.

Things weren’t perfect. At least, not at first. The colours were rich and clear for Alex and Maggie, they had told her as much. But for Lucy, the colours remained frustratingly incomplete. There were days when she saw them just like Maggie and Alex would. Then grief would hit her and the colours would become muted again. It went on for months. Then, Alex was kidnapped.

She found herself standing in the interrogation room. She stared down Rick as the desire to murder him burned away in her chest. That day, the colours were vivid. For once, she was thankful. It allowed her to better memorise the features of the man she so desperately wanted to kill.

You know, you really shouldn’t be wasting your time with me. You should be focused on Alex.

Lucy had said nothing. She refused to give him the satisfaction of garnering a reaction from her.

I hear that losing a soulmate can be such a traumatic experience. Wouldn’t that be a shame, for your world to lose its colours again because Alex ended up like your dear Marie?

Lucy’s hand was around his throat the second Marie’s name left his lips.

You don’t get to say her name.

Rick had choked and spluttered as her grip tightened. Kara and Maggie had rushed forward to pry her fingers from his throat. If Kara hadn’t been holding her back, Lucy would have punched him.

Tick tock, Director Lane.

She had walked out.

With each passing hour, the colours grew muted. They got to Alex just as breath left her lips. The world started to grey. Lucy would have none of it. She ignored the water sloshing through her boots as she slid to Alex side and began CPR while Maggie begged Alex to wake up.

Lucy’s arms burned as she furiously pumped Alex’s chest. She hadn’t been there with Marie died. She couldn’t stop the towers from tumbling down or the colours from fading away. But she was here now. This time, she could stop it. This time, she could bring the colours back into the world. This time, she wasn’t going to lose her soulmate.

Alex coughed and sputtered and rolled over as water finally left her lungs. It was the most beautiful sound Lucy had ever hurt. She slumped back onto her heels as Maggie gathered Alex up in her jacket. The colours slowly started to come back.

I held on.

You did.

Later, when they  were back in the DEO medbay, Lucy mulled over the what ifs. What if Kara had been just a second later? What if Alex hadn’t been Alex? What if what if what--

Maggie’s thumb brushed against Lucy’s cheek, stopping her internal panic cold.

We got her back.

Lucy looked at Alex as her chest rose and fell. The colours were back, muted but consistent. She took Maggie’s hand in hers.

We did.

-

Alex’s eyes fluttered open. She grinned weakly when she saw Maggie and Lucy by her bedside.

“Hey,” she croaked out.

Maggie was the first to react. “Alex!”

“Hey,” she greeted again. Her grin turned dopey. “You both are so beautiful, you know that? With the hair and the eyes, your eyes remind me of chocolate Mags.” She let her head loll to the side to glance at Lucy. “And your eyes remind me of coffee, Luce.”

Lucy and Maggie exchanged fond looks. It was obvious that the drugs were hitting Alex’s exhausted body hard.

Alex sighed. “God…I love you both so much.”

Maggie and Lucy both froze.

“What was that, Danvers?” Maggie asked shakily, not quite sure she had heard their partner correctly.

“Love you, both ‘f you,” Alex slurred out.

Maggie licked her lips. She reached out and took Alex and Lucy’s hands in hers. “I love you too, Alex,” she said, squeezing Alex’s hand. “And I love you, Lucy.” She squeezed Lucy’s hand.

The colours grew brighter.

Lucy felt like a deer in the headlights. For one brief moment, an overwhelming fear came over her. Then, she felt a soft breeze against her cheek, like fingertips gently dragging across her skin, and knew.

She smiled. She brushed her lips against Alex’s knuckles and then Maggie’s.

“I love you,” she whispered. “Both of you. So much.”

Lucy would never forget how bright and rich the colours became as soon as the words left her mouth. She would never forget the wide smile on Maggie’s face that appeared seconds before Maggie pressed her lips to hers. She would never forget the look of happiness on Alex’s face. She would never forget.

For the first time in years, Lucy was finally at peace.

[anarchistbitch]

hiiiiiiiii dkfhjdhf sorry, i know i went missing for a long af while and now im basically spamming you BUT i watched Fire Island tonight

what a great fucking movie, recommended it to everyone I know now, it was fantastic and I loved how they managed to incorporate a letter into the storyline, and Noah, I really feel for him and love him as a character and would love to be friends with him, Will was amazing, I laughed so much at his dancing lmao I loved Charlie, he really does give the perfect Bingley vibes, and Howie, damn, I adore him, seriously, and that scene at the end where they see the older queer couple dancing in the pier ahhhhh I loved it so fucking much, but most of all the thing that really filled my heart with happiness was seeing the queer community and found family in the movie, that's something I want for myself, to live with people who really understand, being in the closet is exhausting, and while I'm out to a lot of people there's even more people from whom I have to hide myself, I'm not ready to come out either but I just hope that when I do I can find something like what they have :'3

-M<3

FIRE ISLAND FUCK YEA[answering posts in reverse order cuz the tumblr keeps glitching and my drafts dont get saved;-;] also for some reason i didnt realize fire island was like. a real place. anyway <3

i really really loved that they incorporated a letter into the storyline it really cemented the pride and prejudice inspo . on that topic have you seen the lizzie bennet series?? its a youtube web series and it was so good like p&p works always slap

back to fire island , i really loved seeing the entire film consist of queer ppl and noah's narrations , and also the hierarchy that exists within the queer community[also help i screamed when the ppl at the "highest" were mostly white/abled/attractive like fire island was written really well huh]

the narrative structure of it happening on the days of the week was so pleasing for some reason but really that much did happen in 7 days?? phew

will. i cannot. so heres the thing right, i knew conrad ricamora from htagwm and i thought he was a pretty cool actor. but he was so much hotter in this movie???? like when he said"okay. you win" I BLUSHED SO HARD😳😳

i really liked the way the movie portrayed that while some queer things are universal its still a vastly different experience for everyone and like. yea

noah was such a fun main character like the way he was pretty nice at the start but then is immediately bitchy™ the moment he finds out that will looks down on them ["he is not hot enough to be that annoying" (my first thought was will thinks that noah is hot?? lmaoo)]

AND YES being closeted or partly closeted can feel so isolating and exhausting ,being around queer ppl is so ahhh it just makes me feel safer and makes my heart feel fuller somehow. the old queer couple dancing was (at least in my opinion) one of the most important scenes cuz!! i feel like a lot of queer ppl dont really see the future as a concrete thing(ik its a general thing also but its different from a queer perspective )!!! and just maybe in the future we'll be dancing in the sunset!!!

p.s. i really truly hope with all my heart that the future you want becomes true. you deserve it

[transfemmbeatrice]

Where should I start listening to Friends at the Table?

A short novella by me

Friends at the Table is one of the best actual play podcasts out there and you should listen to it because they tell amazing stories with both diverse characters and a diverse cast (the GM is a queer black man and almost everyone at the table is some flavor of queer). They put character development and good storytelling at the forefront while creating incredible and complex worlds to play in. They make you laugh, cry, and laugh so hard you cry (and also give you chills on occasion) and I genuinely cannot recommend them highly enough. Whether you like a good story, characters to fall in love with, learning new ttrpg mechanics, or listening to friends have a good time together, FatT is for you.

FatT also has an enormous backlog that can make it hard to dive in so here is a handy guide for when you want to listen don’t know where tf to begin.

The Friends have provided some resources for this: there is a flowchart that gives you the quick and dirty deets (though it hasn’t been updated to reflect their current season) and also Austin made a 20 minute ep of him explaining the show and stuff and put it at the beginning of the podcast feed which could also be helpful (which I haven’t actually listened to bc they put it out after I was already deep into the show)...but this is my over detailed take.

There are currently 4 seasons of FatT. In order: Autumn in Hieron, Counter/Weight, Marielda/Winter in Hieron, and Twilight Mirage. Marielda is a mini season that takes place in the Hieron universe but before the Hieron seasons; Counterweight and Twilight Mirage are both standalone but do take place in the same universe, tens or hundreds of thousands of years apart. 

Twilight Mirage is approaching its endpoint and will be followed by Spring in Hieron which should be the last Hieron season. There are pros and cons for starting with any of these seasons so depending on your taste and preferences you can take your pick!

(Also, each new season begins with an Episode 00 which is just the friends discussing the setting and pitching characters. It’s not required listening and they’re pretty long so you can skip them if you want but for people like me who live for worldbuilding and behind the scenes, they’re great prefaces to each season!)

Autumn in Hieron: The very beginning! This is where I started because I’m a hardcore chronological completionist. There is definitely something very fun and satisfying about watching them develop over the past 4 years, in confidence and skill and in production quality! They’ve been amazing since the beginning but it only gets better. 

However, because it’s early, the audio quality is not great, so if that’s an issue for you, this probably isn’t your best starting point. Some extremely good shit goes down in this game and I highly recommend listening to it if you can parse the bad audio. Also, starting at episode 5, they split into two smaller groups and the audio improves, so if you want to start here but find the sound unbearable at the start, you can try skipping to here to see if it works better for you! The first few episodes are just a mini quest and it’s definitely fun but not deeply plot relevant so you’ll be fine to skip it. This is also a season potentially worth returning to even if you don’t start here because as I said, it’s good, and the bad audio might be more listenable once you know the players’ voices better. But if you absolutely can’t, no worries! They recap this season at the beginning of Winter in Hieron so if you don’t listen to it you won’t be lost as the story continues!

Hieron is a high fantasy setting in what Austin describes as the post-post-apocalypse. It’s been long enough that they’re past just surviving and have rebuilt tons but it’s still a wild world out there, and no one alive really remembers what apocalyptic event happened, but they all know something bad went down. Over the two (and a half, counting Marielda) seasons they’ve done they have really built out the world. It explores a lot about the concepts of divinity and entropy and so much more. I think Hieron is a great place to start because fantasy is the usual setting for actual play podcasts so it’s a familiar touchstone. And also just, really fucking good.

Counter/Weight: Welcome to SPACE. The second season of FatT is a good starting point because it’s self contained--it’s longer than the Hieron seasons but when you reach the finale, you’ve gotten the whole story. It starts off a little slow as they adjust to a new system and new characters for the first time...but there are some hilarious bits in those first couple of missions that I love. Then they switch systems again to something that fits more what they are doing and things pick up from there. 

The “ground” game (the majority of the episodes with characters going on adventures as usual) is interspersed with the “faction” game--Austin and two other players not in the other half of the game zoom out and use mechanics and roleplaying to decide what the big factions/corporations/etc are doing around the sector, and eventually we see these events trickle down to effect the player characters in the other half of the game. These are a bit slow, especially when they first start, but I recommend listening to them because it’s cool to see how things are moving around on a more macro scale than one little crew of fixers, and it really informs the world they’re operating in. It’s not strictly necessary if you really find these episodes untenable, but you’ll definitely be able to follow along better if you’ve heard them. Also, around the 3rd or so faction game session, they cut down the number of factions significantly so it goes a lot smoother. I’ll also put in here that Counterweight is probably my favorite season of the show at least thus far even though I wasn’t sure I would like it at all when I first started it, for what that’s worth.

Counter/Weight is a cyberpunk/scifi setting somewhere in the Milky Way. It is set less than a decade after a war in which two rival powers united in an uneasy alliance to drive back an Empire. They succeeded, but now things have settled into a good old fashioned cold war. There are lots of robots and mechs and they use the cyberpunk genre to explore labor and capitalism and feeling small and helpless in the face of such massive, powerful corruption. Or, sadness and robots in space. (Also, literally none of the PCs ended up being cishet.)

Marielda: Marielda is a mini season they did right before Winter in Hieron. Set in Hieron before the events of the other seasons, it provides some context to the world. It’s also fucking delightful. This is probably the most recommended starting point for FatT because it’s short, has high production quality, and some of their best work. It really encapsulates what this show is so if you’re unsure if this is the podcast for you, this is a great starting point. 

Since it takes place long before Autumn in Hieron, you don’t need to have listened to it to follow along; but I do find it somewhat helpful because there are callbacks to the events of that season as they show how some of the things they encountered then came to be in the first place. Marielda (and Winter in Hieron) were made with new listeners in mind, so Autumn definitely isn’t required.

Marielda is of course also high fantasy, but it has a tinge of steampunk too because this island has more technology for....reasons that will be revealed as you listen. The only train in Hieron is there, and the crew stages a heist on it, and it’s amazing. Marielda has two parts--the first couple episodes are some of the players playing The Quiet Year, a collaborative mapdrawing game, to build this city. Then the other players played a few missions in Blades in the Dark as scoundrels who steal information to sell to the highest bidder. Their shenanigans are hilarious and occasionally heartbreaking and I’ve relistened to it so many times.

Winter in Hieron: Hieron season two of three! Winter begins with two episodes recapping the events of Autumn in Hieron, so if you skipped Autumn you can listen to them and be good to go, and if you didn’t...you can skip the recaps! (Unless maybe you listened to Counterweight in between and you need a refresher). There are two new PCs in Winter because Andi and Janine joined between Autumn and this season, and they only make Hieron better.

This season is a little heavier than Autumn because it’s Winter and...Winter is usually darker than Autumn. I’m in the middle of relistening to it now, though, and it’s still incredible the second time through and a great starting point. I would not recommend starting with Winter without listening to Marielda first, partly because Marielda is so good, but also because Marielda informs so much of what happens in Winter. 

Since Twilight Mirage is getting close to finishing up (as of writing this, anyway) if being Current In The Fandom is something that’s important to you, I’d start with Hieron (whether that be Autumn or Marielda/Winter). After Twilight Mirage wraps up, they are reportedly planning to return to Hieron for its final season--Spring, so if you start catching up now you can be ready! I don’t know for sure yet but so much has happened at this point that I find it hard to imagine that they’ll do a recap before Spring that lets you jump in there very easily. I could be proven wrong but even if I am....I don’t recommend it. You’ll miss too much Seasons of Hieron is a joy to listen to.

Twilight Mirage: The current season! Usually I say to start here if you find the backlog intimidating--it’s current and you can jump in to what’s happening now and get to the rest when you feel ready. And that’s still somewhat true, but Twilight Mirage has gotten pretty long so it’s potentially still intimidating? And they have said they’re nearing the endgame, but I have no idea if that means weeks or months. But regardless, it’s still less to get through than starting further back, and it is a standalone season so it’s a great starting place!

Twilight Mirage is another game in space. It is set in the same universe as Counterweight, and there are some callbacks to it, but it’s set far in the future from the events of that season and was intentionally made so that people who hadn’t heard Counterweight could listen fine. It’s more like easter eggs than important backstory.

The premise is a dying utopia: a massive fleet that has slowly been whittled down, still home to millions of people, but they’re starting to look for somewhere to hopefully colonize. This game does a great job of questioning what a utopia would look like--what does prison look like in a utopia? how do we treat synthetic beings?--and exploring the themes of self/identity and colonization and so much more. It’s the most philosophical FatT season to date but the narrative is also great and stands on its own--you can engage at whatever level you want. (I, for instance, don’t get a lot of the philosophy referenced, but I’m still deeply enjoying it because it’s a great story and I love all the characters!) So much shit happens to alter the original premise and it’s fascinating to see the characters have to adapt to all these evolving circumstances and question their values as they themselves also change. Also, lots of robots and mechs and aliens and shit. One of the PCs is just a cat person. One of the PCs is a downloadable hitman who is losing their memory every time they die and get downloaded into a new body. It’s A Good Season, they friends are extra af (more than usual, even) and it’s a Delight.

And that’s my answer to the age old question, where do I start listening to Friends at the Table?, answered in more detail than anyone ever wanted. If you have any questions or anything feel free to shoot me an ask or a message, I’m literally always here to talk about FatT!

[girlonfilmmovies]

Welcome to Friend Island: "Love Island US Season 3" and the Gaping Sores of America

So I foolishly thought that in the new year of 2021, the world would be in a better place than it was the previous year. After all, we were coming out of the "worst" of the most horrifying pandemic of the past century, a middling presidency that at that point served only a wealth of TV soundbites and less actual damage to the political system, and we were looking forward to a brighter future and a return to what some hoped would be "normal". The past was the past, and this was going to be a new moment.

Oh how naïve we all were.

As of this writing Covid-19 cases are hitting staggering new highs in the southern US, with Florida (of course) somehow hitting a record amount despite vaccines being easily available in the country for months. The death rates are at almost the same as last year. The middling disaster of the 45th president had one more trick up its sleeve, a firebomb brewing for dozens of years that went off in one of the most embarrassing fiascos of American political history. Misinformation has already implanted itself so thoroughly among half the country that people would rather die than admit they were wrong; the spread of such chaos being happily spat out through the algorithms of corporations only intent on raking in dollar signs. All the potential benefits that could have come from this once-in-a-lifetime moment are being briskly swept away: offices demanding their employees come back, no respect given to science and healthcare workers, the country's clearly weak infrastructure forced right back into action as if we didn't just see its gaping holes. The earth is dying and the people who actually have the resources do something about it instead have kickstarted a capitalist space race.

2021 has gone to show that old, toxic habits die hard.

Sigh.

Yeah, I watched Love Island again.

Despite my... let's say mixed feelings regarding last year's shitshow, I couldn't help but admit that it was the closest thing that I've had to appointment viewing TV that I've had in a long time. In an era of streaming and DVR boxes, it's a bit of an actual feat to get someone who works a fulltime job (especially one with erratic scheduling) to go out of their way to watch something the second it premieres. Love Island brings the family together, so they can engage in our favorite pastime: pointing and laughing at young, dumb, fame hungry cis-hets.

Plus, the second season had offered a fascinating glance at how to contend with a pandemic while also trying to stage a typical dumb reality show. The tropical island villa was swapped for a luxurious hotel rooftop in Las Vegas -- a literal ivory tower of ignorant hedonism looking down upon a plagued nation. You could feel the sexual tension of the hot, hyper-sexual adults forced without physical contact for months finally allowed to relieve themselves the only way they know how: toxic relationships. It was trying so hard to be an oasis in a desert yearning for frivolous content, but the façade was clearly visible to the point of satire. It was a wonderful thing to experience firsthand as what I originally thought as merely me dipping my toes into the genre.

Season 2 was the show that we deserved at the time, a funhouse mirror reflecting all the callous stupidity that had led us to this moment in world history. It attempted to offer a happy ending, a look towards the future: a black couple finally winning a reality show, a first for such a mainstream program (both of them actually kind of turned out to suck, but shhhh...).

It also allowed America to completely break the hearts of people while watching them fall apart live on TV. It was cruel, it was stupid, but most of all, it was fun as hell.

Season 3 is not about torturing the competitors. It's about torturing us.

In all fairness, there were a couple of lovely positive developments for the series this season. While still struggling with racial diversity a little bit, as evidenced by them casting only one very specific kind of black man like five times, strides are being taken elsewhere in the lane of body diversity. Alana makes her debut as literally the first woman on this show who isn't a size 0-2, looking absolutely gorgeous in every single shot.

The almost aggressively heteronormative nature of the show is slowly being shaken by a more openly queer cast than previously expected -- multiple bisexual/pansexual contestants participated, even though there wasn't any overtly queer romance shown (also almost all of them were women, with them describing their sexualities being confined to streaming exclusive episodes, which isn't... great). It's certainly a step in the right direction for a show that unceremoniously shuffled off the only queer member of the Season 2 cast overnight once the internet found his gay porn shoot. Ironically, they also ended up booting off the most openly queer member of this cast too, the purple haired proudly pansexual TikTok-er Leslie, but for the more legal reason of smuggling weed into the villa.

It's not terribly surprising that both Alana and Leslie garnered a lot of positive attention both inside and outside of the villa -- they stand out so much against the otherwise predictable casting that we've come to expect from this show and white American media in general. Alana is a woman with actual curves who looks stunningly gorgeous in comparison to the monotonous supermodel figures of everyone else. Leslie almost falls into a stereotype from the way she appears: dyed purple hair, tattooed all over, obviously queer, vaping weed constantly, exuding the kind of chaotic yet weirdly fun energy that only a former stripper can. Yet she obviously grabbed the attention of the contestants because while people like her abound in real life, in the fantasy land of reality TV she's an absolute rarity, a far cry from the sanitized beauty pageant-esque standards that they seem to pluck girls from. The men are still dumb, bland, boneheaded idiots in this show, but by offering some actual variety, they get to actually pursue people they aren't "traditionally" supposed to, while an outsider audience member like me gets to see women like herself be offered up for titillation in the same way "conventionally attractive" women are.

It's kind of cool, even if it is just playing into the icky sexualization of everyone, but hey...progress?

In an odd "two steps forward, one step back" kind of situation, the show has somewhat dialed down the outrageously toxic relationships of last year into a more relatively subdued level of toxicity. Gaslighting/cheating is at least kept to a relative low in this season compared to the nightmare that was last year, although this year's ratio depends on how much of that corresponds with sexy Columbian boy Will's obviously flimsy grasp of the intricacies of the English language. He continued to be plagued by the cliquey-ness of the cast until the very end but his genuinely sweet couple with Kyra still did enough to sneak into the final two.

The actual main problem this year was an almost unbearably long love triangle between Cash, Trina, and Cinco that refused to solve itself for nearly a month. Cash and Cinco perennially kept flip-flopping in their feelings for each other, bouncing between failed partnerships despite so obviously being into each other. Trina ended up roped in as Cinco's partner for a while, a constant victim of his own lack of courage to make up his damn mind. Cash, freshly single and in horny jail (aka Casa Amor), coupled up with the handsome and mysterious Charlie.

Now we need to discuss how bizarre Charlie as a cast member. Not only is he the only member who is, looks, and acts like an actual adult, but he also seems to show no adherence to the rules of reality TV: he's very relaxed and unassuming, seems genuinely uninterested in the "game" aspects of the show, and only perks up during rare moments of actual romantic potential. He's a fascinating spanner to throw into the machine of Love Island, and once Cinco was eliminated in the competition, Charlie had to sit there while Cash only continued to openly and aggressively pine for a man who isn't even her current partner. Proving once again to be an anomaly in the cast, he actually decided to do something about this: he unceremoniously dumped fan favorite Cash like a sack of bricks, sending her home while hooking up with the previously mentioned Alana. This smart decision was met derisively by viewers, despite him being the only person there who actually acted like a fucking adult for once. Ironically, this got him and Alana into the finals, where they finished in last place with the same trademark lack of enthusiasm that we've come to expect from him.

I suppose now we need to uncork the problem of the season and by extension the franchise as a whole. You might have read that previous situation and thought, "gee, a fan favorite got tossed aside while a guy that everyone hated ended up making it into the final four? That seems weird."

But by that point it really wasn't at all.

See, the problem with the voting is that you don't usually get to pick who goes; the audience only gets to pick who to prevent getting kicked. At that point, the audience control is out of our hands and now into the contestants', and if there's one thing we all learned in high school it's that cliques are very much a thing. The contestants seemed dead set on booting anybody who was new the second they had the chance, so many potentially exciting people were so quickly thrown out. Instead of the exciting potential we could have seen, we got a love triangle sucking anyone nearby into doom, with everyone else being a relatively stable couple or part of the Jeremy/Korey wishy-washy railway. Casa Amor was an absolute bust, with people making half-assed couplings despite still being in love with somebody else (it speaks a lot to the weakness of the Casa Amor men that Olivia literally preferred to come back single than with any of those planks of wood).

Part of the problem did rely on factors that nobody could control at all though. "Romance novel come to life" Slade seemed like a threat with his rugged handsomeness, twangy accent, and classic southern charm, but had to quickly leave due to ambiguous family troubles. Similarly, the nearly perfect Josh and Shannon, who seemed like an obvious shoo-in winner by virtue of being probably the only actual relationship on the show, had to depart in the middle of the night due to the tragic death of Josh's sister. Aforementioned chaotic pansexual Leslie was unceremoniously removed in the middle of the night once they had realized that her classic vape pen was actually full of weed, an especially tragic circumstance considering she basically had Cinco wrapped around her finger and was about to bring that love triangle crashing down (also tragic because she has gone on record saying that she was fully crushing on Genny while they were both in there, robbing us of any potential of a queer couple).

But part of the pain as always has to do with how the producers control everything no matter what: what we see, what we hear, who gets the villain edit and who gets the hero edit. It's why they seem to play Jeremy as dumb hot surfer bro instead of the actual funny and charming guy he is. It's why Trina was treated as a bitch and Cash as a woeful victim despite the roles more often than not lining up the other way around. And most embarrassingly, it's how the biggest joke couple of the show ended up winning it all.

Now, look at this picture right here: the poses, the awkward hand holding, the very strange smiles between those two. No, this is not a picture of two teenagers going to prom together who just met only five minutes ago and are taking pictures on their parents' front lawn; these two are the winners of season 3, the supposedly "strongest" couple on the show. This is Olivia and Korey.

Korey is a charming boyish sweetheart by way of an absolute fucking dumbass. He's sort of like last year's beloved and wonderfully stupid Carrington: a very sweet and nice teenager who seems to have "13 Going on 30"-ed his way into an adult body. He's childish in a way that's very cute and friendly but also woefully unattractive to anyone who's an adult. Just like Carrington, he notched up a staggering amount of dates with pretty much every single beautiful woman that came into the villa, all seemingly very interested in him. Carrington, for as dumb and childish as he is, could bag anyone because he was outrageously confident too. Korey on the other hand seems incapable of making any decision, following any girl who pays him the time of day like a little puppy, constantly looking up to her with his big puppy dog eyes. It's very telling that for all the dates he had, almost none of them actually went anywhere because it's just not that appealing to anyone. If you're looking to win, he's not someone who can scheme and play the game. If you're looking for love, he's not going to cut it because he can't seem to even understand the concept of romance. If you're looking for a friend, he's probably the best damn one you'll get in that villa -- but as constantly established by everyone, this show isn't called Friend Island.

Olivia is a bit of a thornier subject. She habitually couples up with people that you can kind of tell she's not at all into. She started the first half relatively unassuming and not particularly interested in the men that she was supposedly attracted to. But you could basically see her panties drop when Slade walked in, ready for him to pull her up into the saddle and ride away into the sunset. But his sudden departure only left her more empty, desperately grasping onto whatever random attraction she could. She went off to Casa Amor single and had the gall to come back without coupling up with any of them (although once again, they really dropped the ball with the men compared to the stunning Casa Amor women). And somehow in the midst of all this wishy washy mess, she finally settled on the one single man who she hadn't coupled up with and supposedly suddenly had feelings for: lonely, little Korey.

As a watcher of two seasons of this shit, I've seen a lot of fake relationships, but this one is just ridiculous. The chemistry is really nonexistent; she seems more annoyed or at best partially amused whenever he tries to say anything genuinely sweet to her. She reacts like how you would when a little kid tries to tell you they have a crush on you, an adult: you just kind of go, "aw, cute, thank you!" and walk away chuckling. It's genuinely comedic in how tragic it is, a boy who thinks he's finally found someone when all she's found is a trip to the bank.

And what did the editors do? They tried their very best to sell this as genuine, as actual romance. We know what romance is -- we basically saw it with Shannon and Josh, and to a lesser extent Will and Kyra. And yet they whipped out that expert level edit to say, "wow, look at these two lovebirds, huh?" It's ridiculous, especially since only in the final episode did they suddenly remember that Jeremy and the stunning Bailey (aka the combination of Gal Godot and Ashley Judd circa-2001) were an actual couple and even they looked more real than the winning couple.

Love Island is, if nothing else, a reflection of America.

It's an outdated tradition desperately grasping to what's left of the typical western idea of romance. No matter how many beauty pageant contestants they pick, men like women who aren't size 2s, or with natural hair/skin, or with family-friendly occupations. Women are probably tired of the big muscle bound hunks they usually put on here, the nearly identical men that they seem to cast every single season who have all the looks but zero of the confidence or personality.

It's an example of how our choices are an illusion, how our influence can be easily overwritten by those in charge. Votes that don't matter when they change the rules on the fly, ripping out the actual choice of the people in favor of letting them decide what stays and what goes.

It's a testament that even in the face of a viral pandemic that's quickly turning into part two, as the lives of millions are being further destroyed across the world, there will always be some asshole who has more than you and looks better than you, vacationing on a tropical island stolen from its people, ignorant of everything else that's happening around them.

Love Island hates everyone. It hates it's contestants. It hates the viewers. It hates change. It hates me.

But I do still kind of love it.