#but ive never experienced anything like this in my entire life

[bottomstolove]

//aaaand ive officially lost my voice :)

at this rate i doubt i'll be able to work on tuesday for my next shift either hahahhhh. im an alarm operator and my voice is, uh...yeah, i cant really do my job without it so lmao

[paeonie-s]

oh im gonna scream

[toastsnaffler]

also update on the coffee experiment im not continuing it today bc I only slept 4 hours last night but data inconclusive so far

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

I can completely break down the notion that jews do not experience ethnic discrimination within western countries, specifically the USA.

for context I am genetically half jewish and half italian, and since I was born i have been more connected to judaism in a cultural and a religious sense. though its not a huge part of my life like judaism is it's definitely still important.

a lot of people like to argue that jews were once not seen as white and now we are, just like Italians, Greeks, Irish, etc were (at least in the USA) and I can confirm that's total bullshit. I have, not once in my life, been treated badly for being Italian. I have never had someone shame me for my appearance, make fun of my cultural food, threaten me, insult me, insult my father, say they wish I died, harassed me, or any other violent or demeaning acts because im Italian. not once in my entire life has that happened. even living in the rural USA where traditional white supremacy is alive and well that did not happen.

yet I have absolutely been harassed, verbally abused, demeaned, belittled, etc. for being jewish. Ive experienced antisemitism since I was 5 and possibly younger. ive heard holocaust jokes, nose/eye jokes, had swastikas drawn on my things, received death threats, gotten rape threats, been called a murderer, been told I should burn, was told I was poisoning the seas, had people deny my very real trauma, was told that I should've stayed dead (for context I overdosed and had to be resuscitated once), and many more things all because im jewish. these are just instances in which it was specifically mentioned or heavily heavily implied that its because im jewish.

Many of these things happened when theae people didn't even know I'm a practicing jew and some even when I stopped practicing for a couple years. a lot of the time the only reason they had to believe I was jewish was my appearance and yeah sure they were right but what it shows is that appearance alone is enough for people to be antisemitic. you know, if jews weren't ethnically discriminated then why do people target us for having things like large noses and curly hair? or for the foods that we eat? or for anything that isnt directly related to religious practices?

anyway I dont believe for a second that anyone who thinks jews dont experience ethnic discrimination in the USA has ever had a genuine conversation with a jew about antisemitism. 5 year old me did not deserve to feel like he was ugly all for some assholes to say that jews are making all this up.

☆this is part 2 in which I will add important context bc if anyone is gonna overanalyze my argument its me. u can read it if you want its not necessary to understand the post.

like I said I have spent most of my life in rural areas where there are many less jews than in big cities and obvious white supremacy is common. im 100% sure this affected a lot of the antisemitism i received.

I am sephardic, not ashkenazi. most goyim do not have a clue what this means. those who do generally think it means "jewish but spicier and more exotic (aka less american)" which could have contributed to some of the discrimination i faced for not being seen as American enough.

this is my experience not anyone else's! I am not discrediting what other people have gone though regarding any experiences with discrimination

[asaka-lucy-dr-rc]

as a japanese learner, im curious what the experience of memorizing all the different ways to read the same kanji is for a native speaker ? im currently learning about all the different ways to count things and ive never had to take so many notes about anything in my entire life lmao, its hard but its also fun

First of all, I'm glad to hear that you are enjoying learning Japanese! 😆 The Japanese way of counting things is obviously very hard to remember! It's often cited by Japanese people as a typical example of the unreasonableness of the Japanese language: When counting long objects such as sticks or rope, the particle "本(hon)" is used, but when written in kanji, it will be like "一本(1)," "二本(2)," "三本(3)", but they are read as "ippon," "nihon," and "sanbon," respectively. Even though they all use the same kanji! 😅 (This is probably what you're studying, right?) Even native speakers cannot explain this regularity, but I'd be happy if you found this kind of unreason interesting. :)

Regarding the question of what kind of experience it is for native speakers to learn different readings of the same kanji, I think native speakers often know the word by sound first, and later understand that "Ah, this kanji is used for this word. This may be something that can only be experienced through the listening of Japanese many times.

Also, although you may already know this information, it is actually possible to guess the reading of kanji by guessing.

For example, in the case of the kanji "枝(eda)" used in Nagito's surname:

In some cases, this is read as "shi" in some kanji compounds. For example, "枝(eda)" can be combined with the kanji "葉(ha)" in Yasuhiro's surname.

If you combine the kanji "枝(eda)" and "葉(ha)", it will be "枝葉(shiyo / shiyou)". The word "枝(eda)" means "branch" and "葉(ha)" means "leaf," but when both are combined to form the word "枝葉(shiyo)," it means "non-major or non-essential things.

I think the reading "葉(yo)" is unfortunately reading you have to memorise it, but as for "枝(shi)", it's a reading that can be guessed. This is because the kanji "支", one of the parts used in the kanji "枝(eda)", is read as "shi".

For On reading* of kanji, the reading of the parts composing the kanji is often used in this way. If native speakers encounter a kanji they do not know how to read, they use this rule to predict the reading. (*Kanji has two general readings: Kun reading and On reading. In the case of "枝", "eda" is Kun reading and "shi" is On reading.)

For example, a slightly more difficult kanji than "枝" is "肢," which is also read as "shi". This is a kanji means the branched parts of the body, mostly the limbs.

Thus, as long as you learn the basic kanji that are used as parts of other kanji, you will be able to read them by guessing rather than by memorizing them. 😄

You may already know or be aware of this: "支" means something that is branched. A similar example is the kanji "岐", which means "forked road".

Now, after reading all of this, you might think: "Wow, kanji is very easy to understand! And the reading of this kanji must also be "shi"! 😄

...Unfortunately, it is not that easy, and that is the complication with Kanji. Actually, the kanji "岐" is read as "ki".

Native Japanese speakers often fall into this trap as well! 😅

In most cases, the only way to read kanji correctly is to memorize it, but if we don't know it, we try to guess the reading from the parts. But this is just a matter of luck, and it often fails. 😭

However, as I showed earlier in the picture, kanji is something that can already convey meaning by its shape. So even native speakers often encounter kanji that they are not sure how to read, but they may guess that it probably means something like this from the parts and ignore what the reading is.

Even between native speakers, the other person may be speaking with an incorrect reading, but it can also be guessed by imagining the parts used for the kanji. For example, there is a kanji compound "分岐" that is correctly read as "bunki," but suppose the person I am talking to reads it as "bunshi. Even in such a case, I can think that the person probably thought it was "分岐" because the character for "岐" has a kanji part "支," so the person read it as "bunshi. (Most of the time I will point out the misreading to the person, but sometimes I will just ignore it because I can understand what they were trying to tell me.)

The same is true for the same kanji with different readings. For example, the kanji compound "枝葉(shiyo)" introduced earlier can actually be read as "edaha," but in that case it simply means tree branches and leaves. So it is one of those kanji compounds that uses the same kanji but has a different meaning when read differently. But even if you didn't know that it should be read as "shiyo," I don't think you'd have much trouble, because I think you'd be able to understand the meaning of the sentence in which that compound is used based on the image of the kanji.

In conclusion, even for native speakers, it is difficult to memorize how to read each kanji. In most cases, we know at least one basic reading for basic kanji, but rarely do we know all the other different readings. So we often try to read it somehow by guessing from the parts the kanji uses. And as a result, we often get it wrong. 😅 But I think we can guess what they are trying to say from different aspects of each other, so I don't think we care too much.

Hmmm. I think Japanese is a pretty lax language, but maybe the Japanese are lax too! My explanation has gone off on many tangents, but I hope you continue to enjoy learning Japanese. 💖

[cupidlovesastro]

𝒉𝒐𝒘 𝒕𝒐 𝒍𝒖𝒄𝒊𝒅 𝒅𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒎

this is very different from my regular post, but i thought i’d do a post about this because i have a good understanding of this topic and i like doing it😭

the only things that your really going to need to do this is dreaming often and willpower. you don’t need to be super experienced at ANYTHING or do all these “methods” that people tell you to follow. just utilize the power of your brain !

for context, i started doing this around 13-14. i never had a bad experience with it and i very very rarely have nightmares. maybe 3 once a year, and i dream every single night. also, this is about how i did it and accomplished it !

1. gain consciousness in your dream

instead of mindlessly dreaming like you may do at times, try to gain consciousness in your dream. by that i mean, look at your dream and really pay attention to what’s going on. what do you see, hear, taste, feel? where are you? who are you with? start to pay attention to your dreams because then, you will teach yourself how to understand and actually remember your dreams when you wake up instead of waking up and having no clue what you dreamed of. do this for about a week or so before proceeding to the next step

my experience

when i do this, usually i realize im in a dream because im somewhere ive never been before, or im with people i never see, or something is somewhere it isn’t supposed to be. so when i realize im dreaming, i often tell myself “oh im in a dream”

2. explore a little

so now that you’ve realized your dream, walk around, start thinking of what you may want to say to someone in your dream, music you want to hear, food you want to, etc

my experience

this part is one of the fun parts. you can now start to control yourself and what you do in that realm. so i’ve talked to people i know in real life in my dreams, even people i don’t know. i’ve walked around places i’ve never been as well

3. start controlling things that are already in your dream

so before we get to the part where we control our entire dream, let’s start controlling things our brain has already created. so if you see a person try to control that person to talk to you, if you see a cat try to get that cat to come to you, change the color of the room your in, etc. this will help with your control over your subconscious mind, and is a little more difficult than step 2 because instead of controlling yourself, your controlling the outside world now

my experience

this for me is a little difficult for the main reason being that you have to put a lot of focus and control in it. with step 2 it’s pretty easy to do because you already are aware of yourself in your dream, you just have to control yourself. but with this part you have to control other things, which i’ve done. get someone to talk to me, or changed rooms i was in.

4. create things and / or make things disappear

now we want to sort of form our reality. so you want to start thinking of what you want to see, touch, experience, etc. if you want to see a celebrity, then do it, or if your into manifesting, view your manifestation(s). as for the disappearing part, let’s say you see something that you dislike, try to make it disappear.

my experience

i’ve done this a lotttt but usually it’s unintentional. like i’ll thinking about how i want to see someone, and they’ll appear in my dream. but in the very few nightmares ive had, ive also had to make this disappear 😭

5. create your reality

similar to what i mentioned earlier about what you want in your reality, now you want to completely create that reality. if you want to be at the beach with your friend then create that, or if you want to see your crush/ lover then create them !

my experience

this is the funnest part ofc, and i don’t usually need to create entire realities, but i have created people and things i’ve wanted to see, hear, touch, taste, etc

[gojos-thot-patrol]

🌶️ nsfw HCs for jjk men 🥵 general sexy times~ what are they like in bed?

ooo, IVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ONE!!! TURN IT UPPPPP!!!

Now Presenting...

Starring Satoru Gojo, Suguru Geto, Kento Nanami, and Ryomen Sukuna.

Sugru Geto

Cigarettes and feelings keep me Laughing when everything is all fucked up

C O R R U P T I O N  K I N K  DO YOU HEAR ME?!

He sees himself as dirty and ruined and he needs to see that in you too. 

His loves how you look when you’re choking on his cock

He loves it so much he’s gonna take a picture! He’s big on recording you in your most vulnerable moments

Mirror on the ceiling so you can watch him fuck you stupid

I hope you have a degradation kink cause he's going to call you his stupid fucking whore

But hey! At least you’re his stupid fucking whore!

He needs to push your limits. He needs to see how far you’re willing to go for him, and what you're willing to do to get his praise.

Unlike in your daily life, his praise is rare in the bedroom. That’s what makes it so intoxicating when he finally does give it out. You’re still going to have to work for it though.

CONTROVERSIAL TAKE: he hates to be called daddy. Call him literally anything else, but the moment you say “Daddy” he’s over it

Now Sir on the other hand? Sir will always make him act up, use it strategically, lest you get pounded in a dirty bathroom.

He gives me the vibes of someone that would convince you to drop ex or acid then fuck him for a “religious experience.”

IDK maybe that's just me seeing the cult leader in him.

All of that being said, I also think Suguru has mastered the art of aftercare

During the act he’s a monster, but after? Nothing but praise and love. He’s worshiping your body while cleaning you up, cuddling with you for as long as you’ll let him. 

You need water? He’s getting it. You want a bath? Say no more he’s running it for you.

He never wants you to think he’s just using you for your body.

Even if he is.

Satoru Gojo

Set my alarm, turn on my charm That's because I'm a good old-fashioned loverboy

My most controversial Gojo take is that he’s actually not all that experienced

This man has spent his entire life either as a child or raising a child he didn’t have a lot of time for romance.

Not only that, but having sex with someone is an inherently vulnerable position to put yourself in. Man’s got too many enemies for that.

BUT that does not mean that he isn't willing to learn for you!

Gojo is above all else adaptable, and his main goal in the bedroom is to get you off. He’s willing to do whatever you need. 

Honestly, that’s probably his kink. Overstimulation. He wants to make you feel so good you're delirious, he wants to make you cum so hard you forget anything other than his name. 

He is the king of oral. It’s his favorite thing, eating you out through multiple orgrasam until his face is soaked in you. And he’s good at it too. He knows exactly how to make you  melt under him.

His dick isn’t thick, but it is long, and weirdly pretty for a cock. He also uses a ring light to take dick pics. Tell me he doesn’t, you can’t.

He’s also very vocal. He likes when you're loud, it’s how he knows he’s doing something right. So, he’s pretty vocal as well, wanting to let you know just how amazing you make him feel

when he's not telling you about how good you feel, he's kissing you. He LOVES kissing you, its like a drug to him.

Gojo struggles a lot with the feeling that people don’t really like him, so he has a praise kink. On both the giving AND receiving end

I also feel like he’s really into lingerie, and has no problems dropping a paycheck on a new set for you. 

Definition of “There’s a difference between fucking someone and making love.”

God, I hate that phrase but I'm genuinely not sure how else to get my point across lmao

When ya’ll are just fucking, he tries to play the part of a big tough dom, dirty talk galore, overstimulation to the point of tears, the man is a beast.

But in your quiet moments, when you’re, for lack of a better word, making love, there’s a 63% chance he's going to cry.

He gets overwhelmed by his love for you, and the realization that you love him for him, 6 eyes or not. It gets to him. 

And the best part? He’s not even embarrassed by it, because you don’t shame him for it. He’s truly safe with you

Kento Nanami

Hey pretty baby can you feel that heat? You got me twitchin to the edge of my seat

Dare I say daddy kink?

I do, I do dare. Nanami knows the type of person he attracts (riddled with daddy issues) and has decided to play into it. 

I feel like Nanami never loses his composure, even in the bedroom. He could be giving you the ride of your LIFE while calmly explaining the stock market to you. It’s part of why teacher Nanami is so appealing to me I’M SORRY-

“Are you paying attention? This is going to be on the test.”

He says as he's skullfucking you into oblivion 

Despite his calm composure, he's big on dirty talk…mostly as a way to ask for consent and gauge how you’re doing at the moment. He’s still Nanami

“You like that Princess?” “Beg for me.” “Tell me what you want,” All phrases that pop up commonly in your bedroom

He’s a panty snatcher, there I said it. He’s taking your panties with him when he leaves your place. You can get them back the next time you two get together. 

He is prone to taking out his frustration on you in the bedroom when he’s had a bad day.

Not that you're complaining, nothing like his thick cock splitting you open after a rough day, amiright?

Public sex. Nanami loves covertly fucking you, in various ways, and watching you try to keep your composure. Be it him finger fucking you under the table, or reminding you that you have guests downstairs while he rails you in your bedroom, he likes to test your volume control.

In a similar vein, phone sex! He’s away on “Business” a lot, so late nights on the phone with you are basically a necessity for him. 

M A R K I N G. You think it’s  childish? He doesn’t fucking care he needs EVERYON to know you’re together

Hickies everywhere, dark ones that don’t budge for days, even weeks

Brat tamer. No, I won't explain, look at him. 

He’s probably the best dom, even if he is a softer dom. He's going to discuss your hard and soft limits, safe word, and discuss the red yellow green system. Your comfort and safety is his number one priority. 

Going hand in hand with that, Nanami has mastered the art of aftercare. Anything you need, he’s got, anything you need him to do, he’s doing. He’s showering you in words of affirmation while trying to rehydrate you.

Also He’s cuddly. He wants you to fall asleep resting on his chest while he traces lazy patterns in your back. It’s his ideal way to go to sleep.

Ryomen Sukuna

My whole existence is flawed You get me closer to God

BESTIE idk how many different ways I can tell you not to go near this man, but let's find out

For one, he’s incredibly selfish, prioritizing his pleasure over yours every time. 

That doesn’t mean he doesn’t at least try to get you off though. Nay nay, getting you off is a part of his pleasure. Because it strokes his ego. 

Daycraphillia. Be it from pleasure or pain, he loves to see your tear soaked face.

This man is PACKING btw. It hurts at first everytime no matter how ready you are for him. The king of curses has the dick to back up all the shit he talks, you can’t convince me otherwise

He’s got four hands and he’s gonna use them all. Fingers in your pussy, on your tits, in your mouth, in on your ass. You're going to feel like you’re drowning in him.

Degradation. You're a filthy little whore, the only thing you’re good for is being a hole for him to fuck.

Does he actually mean this? I mean…shit, maybe! Depends on where you’re at in the relationship honestly. 

He will summon mouths in random places when fucking you. On his palms, above his cock, anywhere. Be prepared to feel a random tongue in random places.

…..breeding kink.

Honestly, I don’t think he’s proud of it. But something in him wants to fuck an heir into more than he wants to breath.

Also, blood and marking kink. These go hand in hand as far as he’s concerned. He will bite you until you bleed with no issue. 

He may not truly love you yet but the moment he stuck his dick in you, you became his. Which means no other man can touch you. Hence why he clearly marks you as his.

Aftercare who? He doesn’t know her, you’re lucky if he doesn’t immediately kick you out of the bed when he’s done. 

The exception being if you somehow managed to rope him into a “real” relationship. I still don’t think he’d be an aftercare king or anything, but he would at least cuddle with you until you passed out. 

Sukuna likes to find your limits, and then push you past them. He needs to see how far you’re willing to go for him, even if that breaks you.

God, this mf is so toxic. Why do I love him?

[nekropsii]

i think theres a really big issue in the community specifically surrounding the people who headcanon dave as some sort of trans where both sides of the coin seem to hate each other? like both sides are at fault here, ive seen blogs demeaning people who like transmasc dave and then like you said other people just completely disregarding transfem dave. guys. can we stop. let people headcanon what they want without blatantly attacking them, this goes for all parties in this issue. i dont get why people act like this. the fuck happened to all trans people being equal and then we get both transmisoginy and harassment of people liking either of the trans headcanons?

jesus man. im tired of it

Respectfully, I do not think this is a “Both Sides” situation.

The concept of transmasc Dave is objectively one of the most popular headcanons in the Homestuck fandom, and it has been for years. I think I can excuse people who headcanon transfem Dave for “hating it”, because as I have been trying to fucking say this entire time, people keep correcting me on my own posts about transfem Dave on my own blog, and belittling me for thinking this way. And since I’ve asked people to maybe interrogate why they feel the need to correct me and patronize me and to stop fucking doing that, I’ve been getting inundated with people trying to mansplain and traumadump to me how me saying to not correct me and patronize me for having a transfem headcanon is oppressing them and that trans men also have it bad, as if I literally ever insinuated that they do not have it tough.

You do not get to “Both Sides” me on a discussion about my experience when I have never - and I mean NEVER - received this level of heat for headcanoning a character as literally anything else. I have NEVER gotten “corrected” for headcanoning a character as gay, or transmasculine, or black, or a lesbian - only now, when I headcanon a character as a trans woman, am I getting people correcting me, condescending me, telling me some really fucking personal traumas to explain to me I’m “in the wrong” for being upset about the correction and condescension, very obviously making assumptions about my sex, gender, and what I’ve been through in my life, making negative assumptions about my intelligence, and putting a fuck ton of words in my mouth.

I am speaking from my own experience here. I am sorry if that hurts anyone’s feelings, but that much cannot be taken from me. From my experience, this is not “Both Sides”, this is very clearly one side with far greater numbers giving another flack for not assimilating, and when that other side tries to say what’s going on, they’re treated as an aggressor, and treated like a petulant idiot child.

Before anyone puts any more words in my god damn mouth:

I literally never said no one could HC Dave as transmasculine, or that they were wrong for thinking that way. I have outright said the opposite, that it is fine and that I do not care. HOWEVER, I sure as hell am experiencing people telling me that I am wrong for HCing her as a woman.

I literally never, and I mean NEVER, said or insinuated that trans men do not suffer, especially under the patriarchy. I am not an idiot, I know how the patriarchy works, it hurts literally everyone that doesn’t conform to an incredibly, incredibly narrow white non-queer cishetero male ideal. I am also not an idiot, I know that transphobia will exist no matter what you identify as, and it will suck absolute horseshit. Neither “side” has it “easy”, every type of transphobia has an uncomfortably, terrifyingly high body count. I never fucking said trans men do not have it hard. Stop putting those words in my mouth.

Literally all I said was that it’s fucking weird that I’ve never been treated this way until I headcanoned a character as a trans woman, and maybe to interrogate that because people sure seem comfortable acting this way, and that-

This is Transmisogyny.

And if there’s anything else I’ve learned from this, it’s that-

HIT DOGS HOLLER.

[2n2n]

hi!! i have two questions, i apologize in advance that theyre about mitsuba and kou, but theyre also about the yugi twins, so i hope u can forgive me...

first!! i see a lot of ppl complaing/being sad that hanako and kou dont really have any moments interacting together anymore, posting screenshots, mourning their lost early series friendship ... and i dont really get it? to me, hanako never really liked kou, he was more "playing pretend" to appease nene, he doesnt seem to value him as a friend... theres the "kid"(<deragatory) he does, to emphasize that he is the Older, Experienced Guy in this relationship and kou doesnt have anything of value to add... but then again, ive never really sat down to reread everything in one go, so i might be missing something... do you have anything to say on hanako and kous relationship and how/why it developed?

second question!! i noticed that mitsuba and kou both have a favorite twin who they are friends with and a twin who they think is an evil, violent, perverted psychopath, and those twins are swapped between them lol

so i wanted to ask, do you have any thoughts/opinions on mitsubas and kous outsider perspective on the yugi twins? who has what aspects of them right/wrong? could a fight over who the better yugi twin is cause a rift large enough to stop their budding romance?(<hyperbole)

im sorry if this got really long, and these are less concrete questions and more me pondering things and then presenting my half-baked thoughts to you for examination, but i always really enjoy your interpretations of anything tbhk so i thought id do it anyways >.<

Ohhh its fine haha, there are no characters I truly hate (I JUST JOKE...) & I like talking about everything in the manga, as everything has some sort of place in the themes or story! And I do care about all relationships from character to character, even if I might find that character annoying on a personal level HAHA. I like the entire 'voice' of JSHK!!! It's all a part of the beautiful web c:

I would say, Yes, I agree 100%! I've talked about it before myself. I don't see Hanako and Kou as best friends, and I'm not sure what incredible moments of pure friendship people are remembering (probably mostly... ch9?). Hanako both creates distance by using 'kid' (indeed making Kou always out to be more ignorant or childish than him…) and even Kou creates a distance by using only 'Hanako' (no honorifics-- Kou is actually generally quite deferential and polite to people he respects like Nene-chan or Akane.... he is a 'good boy'! When he meets Hanako, of course he thinks he is a monster, so he doesn't use honorifics… but he also doesn't correct this, later. While dropping honorifics can also be a sign of intimacy, that only counts if the other person has given you some kind of permission, or after knowing someone a long time … Hanako never uses honorifics for others himself, because he sees himself as above everyone, and wants to impress distance … and I'm sure because he is 'nanaban-sama'. He only really uses honorifics when menacing Nene or Akane about "Aoi-chan".)

I think in reality, most Hanako and Kou interactions point to something contentious between them waiting to snap, as I've discussed before.

In fact, we now know explicitly that Hanako loves his little brother & sought to save & protect him, so for sure a wedge was driven between Kou and Hanako the moment Kou declared revenge on Tsukasa. Hanako's blank stare, [... ...I see.] should make sense when looked back on! Quietly logging that Kou might become a problem for him, later.

At the very least, you have to imagine he is more loyal to his yorishiro than he is to this ugly kid. If push came to shove.

We see plenty of Hanako resenting Kou.

On top of that … he's competing with Kou for Nene-chan, not only her time & attention but even the right to influence her life or save her. Both in Picture Perfect & Severance, Hanako expresses this VERY directly.

Despite initially being OK with Kou making efforts to save Nene-chan, he completely walks that back in Picture Perfect; his sense of possessiveness and jealousy cannot in fact handle it at all. Sometimes people get attached to a particular older manga scene, and see it as inconsistency or random when that aspect has changed, but honestly, I think it's always a realistic character beat. Hanako once welcomed Kou to try to save Nene-chan, back in volume 6,

but .... as he got closer to Nene-chan, he instead pursues Picture Perfect & then the Severance as his own aggressive, forceful solutions, which no longer factor in Kou as anything but an impotent annoyance. Hanako once, incorrectly, 'thought he wouldn't care', but he in fact does! This is a form of character development I think a lot of people refuse to acknowledge, in Hanako (... maybe people think 'character development' can only mean positive traits or improving, and not something like becoming more aggressive or possessive? <- but being more attached & true to himself IS'positive' development for Hanako. Becoming yandere isn't a bad thing in AidaIro-sensei world </3). Over 20 volumes in, there's no need to cling to perceptions of their dynamic which they have evolved away from.

So.... you have Kou shounen protag shouting "I'll save everyone!" while Hanako is being a yandere like "nobody can ever touch Yashiro's lifespan but ME". This isn't a recipe for best friends.

I remember when ^ this ^ chapter came out, some people were upset/shocked that Kou could still talk easily about destroying Hanako, but I have no idea why. Hanako has only repeatedly proven himself unstable and untrustworthy since those early-manga moments (if a friendship stems from ignorance, what is it worth?). It is only Kou's dedication to Nene-chan that makes him help Hanako in the Far Shore ... Nene-chan is pure of heart so, perhaps so long as she doesn't see him as a lost cause, or as long as Hanako doesn't hurt her, he will try to believe her, and stand by her.

The thing Kou does have going for him, is his faith in Nene-chan to bring out the best in Hanako, to reach his heart. I think ultimately Kou himself isn't sure about the truth lying within Hanako, & he knows it won't be him that draws it out. To him, it could end up that he's completely crazy & dangerous & has to be shot like a rabid dog lol, or that there's something good in there. He's fence-sitting between Teru & Nene's extreme positions.

My favorite very earnest, honest Kou moment among them, is this... when he is approaching Nene-chan, after the meeting with Teru & Akane, during the Severance.

Kou checks in with Nene-chan because he's not sure where SHE'S at with all of this.

The actions he takes in the Far Shore are less "to save Hanako, as his friend" but "to save Hanako, for Nene-chan".

meanwhile, for your second inquiry:

Didn't a fight over Tsukasa already interrupt their relationship? Mitsuba relies on Tsukasa constantly,repeatedly,and this very fact made Kou cry, feeling jealous & inadequate, LOL. Kou's whole complex is that he wants to be trusted & relied on, and Mitsuba instead running to Tsukasa every time he is in trouble, racks up Kou's resentment towards Tsukasa. Isn't it so funny…MULTIPLE ARCS OF THIS!!!!

I would say neither Kou nor Mitsuba really trust the Yugi twins, or understand them, any of them, despite each being allied towards one in some flimsy sense. I think Mitsuba is correct that Hanako is a psycho pervert... uhhhh all of their interactions are SO terrible LOL

and uh....

(^I love this moment SO much ^ completely unnecessary out of pocket Hanako moment!!!!! No reason for you to look so crazy!!! DID YOU HAVE TO CAST SHADE??? lame weak Mitsuba .... haha... I love Hanako ahhh </3 Mitsuba is so pathetic & stupid to him.... such disrespect in PP!)

^ KouMitsu fans should love this protective Mitsuba moment, him staring at Hanako like this while clinging to Kou...

In mmmany ways I guess I don't think Kou or Mitsu are loyal to the Yugi beside them, wouldn't necessarily come to their defense any more than Mitsuba does in the Aquarium chapters (which only really argue a necessary dependency; though I think it's really interesting that in PP, Mitsuba defends his CHOICE to ally with Tsukasa, not WANTING to be seen as only Tsukasa's victim or helpless.)

Kou holds Mitsuba's loyalty to Tsukasa against him, but for some reason as we've seen thus far, Mitsuba does not hold Kou's loyalty to Hanako (or Teru, who tries to kill him) against him. I'd say Mitsuba is actually more humble/gracious & a little more self-aware than Kou-- and also devalues himself, wouldn't ask Kou to give up anything for him, because he is worthless (the entire point of his willing attempt at suicide in the Aquarium chapters). Kou screams & throws lightning around when he feels anything Bad, so more disquiet is expressed at Mitsuba. Kou feels more demanding & holds more uhm.... ambitions for what he 'wants' their relationship to be (one where he is depended on, is Mitsuba's hero). So there is probably more likely to be more conflicts surrounding Tsukasa....

I wonder if Hanako will ever do something so directly terrible that it would cause Kou to loosen his allyship to Nene-chan, and increase his allyship to Mitsuba. I would like that tbh, and it would bolster their dynamic to me, & I could respect Kou's stance more. As it is, it's hard to say much about his loyalty to Mitsuba, which is kinda only simultaneous to his loyalty to Nene-chan .... I would like Kou's fence-sitting about the Hanako situation to finally really hurt Mitsuba maybe, some day. If I had to have an opinion on it.

I wonder what Nene-chan coming to like/defend Tsukasa would do to Kou's stance against Tsukasa? What if everyone but Kou liked the little bugger in some way.... haha. That would be idealistic for me.

I would also find it interesting if Mitsuba actually had to do something meaningful to defend or protect Tsukasa. Curious if the vague ghost memories in Mitsuba's head in the recent chapters will culminate in any kind of reaching out to Tsutsu. Ultimately, is Tsukasa someone who tormented Mitsuba, or someone who saved & comforted him repeatedly? His active mind rejects the concept, but maybe his subconscious would feel otherwise. I dunno. A lot is ambiguous.

A bit of a tangent I guess there... so theorhetical. Well, nobody really likes the Yugi except for each other & Nene-chan.

[melissa-titanium]

id like to preface this rant with a picture of my cat & also a disclaimer that this isn't like. a vent or a call for help ir anything i just like musing about this stuff. talking outloud to myself if you will. i'm doing perfectly well right now but im thinkingggg and id like to spill it somewhere so it doesnt overflow. i don't think i'll be replying to responses if there is any but i'd definitely love to /read/ responses if youd like to share your own thoughts. :)) <3

ok. my cat as promised

alright. ive been thinking. i have always been rather pessimistic, a product of my youth and developmental environment, so i like to take my thoughts with a grain of salt with the understanding that what i see things as can be wildly different from other people. essentially i try my best to be self aware, but i have slip ups. we all do!

and again, i know dark times in your life pass, they always will if you're strong enough to persevere! i'd know, after many terrible terrible times i came close to the brink but managed to bounce back. i have everyone i have ever met over the years to thank, i could not name them all but especially hellholians. even if the server will never have the same amount of activity, even if we are all different people than who we were during the fucking insane years that were 2020-2022, those were some of the most influential years of my entire life & i have so many great and terrible memories from that time. i don't know if i truly have any influence in other peoples lives as they do in mine, but i'm glad to have been atleast a small part of everyone there's life. hellhole got me through some of the most inane fucking bullshit i have ever experienced in my life and even if i was an annoying piece of shit back then i am glad everyone tolerated me. ok sentiment over ill be here forever if i dont end it.

essentially. to reiterate the sentence i derailed. i know everyone has dark times in their life. and i know a good support system and spite can seriously help you get through those times... but to take from a good metaphor i saw some time ago that i can't find the source for the life of me; what do you even do once you've escaped the dark? you lose so much blood on the way to freedom that once you're out of that terrible place you can't do anything but collapse in on yourself. the adrenaline has run out and now the only thing thats left is the husk of what you were before the darkness hit. in some cases people have evidence of who they were, proof that they were /someone./ but i suppose in my case & others ofc, the terrible things happened so consistently and so constantly that i (and again, others) had no chance to even create that concept, to get an idea of who "i" am. sometimes it feels like ive been hollowed out and left to dry in the sun, other times it feels like ive been shattered into a thousand different evershifting versions of myself, and other times it just feels like i'm not even in my body. i'm not acting like this is a unique experience in the slightest, i know damn well there are people who have had it MUCH worse than me. it just frustrates me sometimes to be so little of a person that never existed, especially when people often force their ideas of who that person was onto me.

to describe things a little less cryptically -- i don't know who i am. yeah, i'm not supposed to have it all figured out at 15, i'm not fucking stupid, but sometimes it just feels like i'm falling so behind in the self-discovery department. so many people i know seem (SEEM, i know it isn't always that way on the inside) to be confident in who they are and how they present themself to other people, and then i'm just there struggling to differentiate the dream i had three weeks ago with present reality & juggling three different terrible outcomes to a conversation i made up in my head & also debating whether to kill everyone i know in cold blood and dissapear off the radar. every single interaction i have with people is some fucked up infinitely and needlessly complicated labyrinth of a mindgame. i suppose im getting tired but basically i feel like why im so bad at maintaining friendships is i can never ever find a comfortable level to talk to people with until AFTER i've had time to analyze them & how they behave so i can react accordingly. it's not necessarily that i'm accommodating for them, it's that they've already accommodated for me & i'm simply reflecting their behaviour. if i ever say i'm being sincere, but talk completely and totally different to another person, i'm probably not lying. i've been asked by a handful of wonderfully insightful people (whom i love. you know who you guys are <3) who have sort of unintentionally helped me understand these pwrts of me. but for now im going to sleep intotally lost the motifve of this rant uhhw

[stateswscarlet]

sp and i broke up in 2022. i did a+p and got movement but i switched to states and havent gotten anything since rlly. he got with 3p in nov. i stopped caring and stuff and even ASSUMED they broke up. so my question is, why didn’t they? they posted together and looked happy but i truly believed they broke up. i dont even care that much about him anymore and i dont even practice manifesting him that much anymore because ive had no luck. but why didnt this reflect?

I saw alia already answered you and I fully agree with her advice but I would love to offer another perspective since I also understand how frustrating and annoying this can feel!

My question to you is, if you don’t care about him and aren’t even consciously manifesting him, why are you clinging onto what he’s doing in his life? why does it matter if he’s with someone or not? why be nosy and annoyed for no reason if you aren’t even sure if you want him? make sure you aren’t approaching this from an ego perspective and trying to feel better about yourself by either 1. removing a circumstance (3p) in order to decide if you want him or 2. having hidden resentment and unresolved feelings that manifested as you not wanting him to live his life bc you feel like you didn’t gain closure and he’s out there having fun and seemingly happy w someone else. just some food for thought!

Also, why are you looking AT the 3D (a mirror) and then deciding that “yup! they’re still together = it doesn’t work!” when you know damn well if you understand states that none of this has anything to do with the 3D. how do you know what was unfolding behind the scenes? how do you know ANYTHING beyond what you see on a screen. if you truly were in the state of being with him (I know you said you’re not manifesting him) you wouldn’t give a singular hoot about whats in the 3D bc thats NOT your end goal. your end goal is feeling the feelings you desire without the 3D to show it to you. you deciding something in the shadow world takes away from what YOU, a GOD OF YOUR IMAGINATION experienced shows exactly what state you were operating from this entire time. you were most likely in a state of hoping and wishing and making decisions BASED OFF the 3D (oh they broke up!) which has nothing to do with you anyways. please stop wasting your time and give yourself the relationship if thats what you want. you’re not changing the 3D anyways and will never get “back” the version of sp who is dating someone else so why waste your time on a state you cannot change? simply switch to one that serves you and feels good to you and understand that is COMPLETE as is.

[libra-stellium]

Saturn conjunct Ascendant

As a 14 degree Pisces rising this was March 12, 2024 to May 8, 2024.

"Bitch wtf is going on????" - me the entire 57 days and it's coming back around in early 2025

Notes from Saturn in Transit - Erin Sullivan

Saturn over the ascendant can be experienced as an extremely dramatic shift from "who you used to be" to "who you will be" but with a rather traumatic period of uncertainty while the no longer useful persona is sloughed off

It’s been a weird timeeeeeee like there’s some things i'm like so excited about that are a “new me” and then there’s some other stuff I’m like 💀💀💀 about and I’m gonna pretend like nothing is happening for a while longer bc this feels like too much change at once 🥲 maybe in 2025 lol my mind has been going nonstop!

The thresholding that is experienced during this time can be a shock to someone who has strongly identified with or has been identified with a particular and definite image

lol I literally introduced myself as an astrologer to someone the other day bc they mentioned astro and me being an attorney never came up and it honestly felt nice 😩 yeah my entire schooling revolved around becoming an attorney but like it doesn’t "feel" like I succeeded at it lmfao and I’m honestly not putting a lot of effort into making it feel like success either so 🙃

Understanding this necessary loss of personal identification greatly reduces stress and allows a more conscious transition into the new self image. The struggle is all about coming to terms with unconscious material in the conscious mind and vice versa

I think so much is happening in my unconscious mind bc I usually remember most of my dreams in complete detail and the last two weeks at least I know I’ve had very longgg detailed dreams but when I wake up I can’t remember it in the part of my brain that can say it into words lol I feel like I’m missing out on messages!

Saturn brings to the ascendant all the manifest experiences and control issues that have dominated the last 14 year extraverted cycle during which the individual learned how to be present and accountable in the conscious world or accomplishments, deeds, and collective goals

"I'm giving myself goals because I don't know what to do with myself if I'm not accomplishing anything." - Me in 2021 a year after getting my law degree lol I feel like it encompasses this whole thing! During this transit I wrote a list of personal goals and they're not outward things like graduation they're more like be consistent with skin care lol the other day I told my aunt I just relaxed and I didn't do anything and she was like if you're so boring why don't you go on a walk and i was like??? I didn't say that?? lol made me not want to say anything else!!

Symbolic of a descent into oneself

When I first read this I was like oooh seems zen 🧘🏾‍♀️ IT WAS NOT ZEN IVE BEEN IN THE TRENCHES!! It feels like too much pressure to know and be like "this is who I am" i just want to be a pisces rising whose personality changes whenever

Notes from Planets in Transit - Robert Hand

You will try to eliminate everything in your life that is not necessary to fulfilling responsibilities

I didn’t do many things just for fun during this time everything had a purpose. I did finish reading two books unfinished from last year and it was in an attempt to spend less time watching videos which worked!

You will become more complex and simpler at the same time

Idkkkk I’m not sure I understand what this even means

You are finishing up tasks going into a 5-8 year period of relatively quiet preparation for a new beginning

I feel like I’ll see this more in 2025 bc right now I don’t really have anything started that needed to be finished lol

You may have less freedom of movement than usual because of the pressure of circumstances and the need to get things done

A week into this I made happy hour plans and I was going to leave work extra early bc I had nothing to do and I got an assignment literally 2 hours before I was going to go! I did finish in 2 hours and went to HH but it was stressful lol

You may have to exert more effort at work in order to get the job done

For real the last month I actually had so much more work at work than usual I was working a full 8 hour day sometimes 😭 usually I have like maybe 8 hours of work a week!

Your superiors may give you even more responsibility than you would choose to have

Facts! The last few days I’ve been essentially training this girl at work and the last day of this transit I finished lol seemed fitting

Do not start out on a completely new project because in a few years you may find that you do not have the material or psychological resources to complete it

This makes me feel like it should be about something big 😂 I have not started any projects lol I did apply to a few jobs but none of them even responded to reject me so that was also unintentionally not started

Good relationships will not suffer but bad ones will break up completely

I feel like Saturn in aqua in my 12H took care of most of the bad relationships already lol so this was fine

You are withdrawing from everything in your life that is in the way of your development during the next few years

Yeah I’ve been more annoyed than usual at people around me who are making the choice to struggle just bc they don’t want to try something new 😩 it’s been making me feel like I can’t be as close to them like it’s contagious 😂

Avoid building a wall between yourself and others because they are important to you now that you are excluding those who do not belong

Yes I’ve been making it a point to actually say yes to events lol but it's hard to keep in contact with people for some reason! I forget to or think that less time has passed and then I check messages and it's been weeks!

This is a productive time

I did get a lot done! I cooked a lot of meals, I washed all my bedding that’s been sitting there since end of last year, I cleaned my fish tank, I cleaned the mildew off my bathroom walls, I put a lot of my clothes away, my recycling pile is way down, I built a storage shelf thing for under my desk, I sewed a skirt, I read and wrote a lot

Follow through on the tasks that need to be done and get your life in shape for the next phase of preparation

I’ve been intentional about this! I made a list of things I want to get out of my saturn return in my 1H and one of those things is clear skin so I’ve been consistent with the routine like actually tracking it on the calendar! Losing weight was another on that list and the last two months I was just focusing on food like getting back into cooking and the last almost 3 weeks I’ve been tracking all my food and even using a food scale. On the last day of this transit I signed up for the gym!

Overall I would give this transit 6/10 😂 the mental anguish was toooo much Omggg I hope it’s easier in 2025 and after that I’m glad I don’t have to deal with this for another 30 years

[meatsex]

its suicide awareness week (in the states at least) in fact, it ends right on my birthday this saturday (which stings on a personal level), i feel like to some degree its my duty to make some kind of insight about this considering its been a struggle for me this year and that ive been making it a struggle for others by posting about it here, but realistically i dont know what to say

im not asking for pity with this post, i just need to let out some of it, and in a way apologize for all the times i have scared people with how i can get when im in "the hole":

this year has been hard, a lot of things have happened, mostly internal realizations, but also small daily negative things that began to slowly deteriorate me to a breaking point. i began to externalize my feelings more in my art, at the cost of feeling embarassment and fear of being shunned or laughed at, but in return i have also found that it brings comfort to others, and that makes me happy. ive been trying to be more open about my issues, to be able to ask for help, but its also been hard, people dont take anything seriously, you arr selfish for wanting to kill yourself, you are an attention seeker for hurting yourself, you are just some jobless loser, these are the kind of things ive experienced and see others be told, it hurts a lot, my head hurts a lot right now, because even if im not hurting at this moment, in a way ive been hurting the entire year, and even some more time.

its not anyone's duty to help someone that really needs it, its complicated, its frustrating, no one is ever fully prepared for it, im not sure if i would be, but at least for me (because this is about me personally) even just checking in once means a lot.

even among others with the same struggles, i feel distant and less, undeserving of help, and i have even tried to push away from my life the people that have tried to help me, "they are going to get so mad they will stop trying", its a scary thought, the less people around you, the easier and closer becomes the choice of going through with it, once others have no emotional links to you, you are unstoppable, or at least thats how i imagine it.

i think the thing that has hurt me the most is finding out feeling this way isn't the normal way to be, that not everyone in the world lives life thinking "i want to kill myself so bad", it was so alienating, it made me realize just how bad my situation can get, and in how much denial ive been my entire life.

"my issues arent real" "im a faker because i dont cut myself" "someone else has it worse so i shouldnt complain", its still hard to push away these thoughts, in all honesty i still believe all of them, but im trying to listen to people both on a friends level to outright my therapist, when they tell me that they are in fact very real.

theres no happy note to end this post on, at least not right now, just some bittersweet statements, because even if im fine right now, i know ill go back to it, in fact, maybe ill never "heal" from it, but if i can keep my head above water with the help i get when i need it, then i think thats okay, and if you could try and do the same for someone else, even if its scary, even if you feel like you are not helping, even if it feels like they only want you to go away, well, i think that might be enough for that person.

[deathsbestgirl]

even disregarding anything beyond s7, they literally live such joyless lives. like, the grief they have experienced is overwhelming, how could they ever truly be happy with that grief always hanging over their heads, the discomfort that would bring is enormous

well, no. they did not have joyless lives. like everyone, life happens to them and that means pain & grief but that doesn't mean their entire lives & existence are joyless.

we really only see them at work, we don't know what goes on outside of it.

they're actually really happy in season 1 & season 7. in season 1, they're getting to know each other, they become best friends quickly. the smile & laugh constantly, they tease each other. they always enjoy their debates & most cases. even when they're scary, even when they don't get all the answers. they get to know each other so well in that time and it's a gift to them both. they still have light moments in every season and you can't love like they do and be just miserable. in season 7, they're together. they're experiencing so many new things in their relationship that they've wanted for a long time and finally let themselves have. they're constantly flirting & smiling and talk about their feelings more openly than they have in the past.

and the other years, they find so much in each other when the world turns their back on them. mulder is scully's light when she loses melissa, when they close her case, during her cancer, with emily. he fights so hard for her and holds her up when she needs it. scully is mulder's light through every hard case, when he loses his mom, helps him find closure about samantha. she is always pulling him from the depths. he tries so hard to tell her what she means to him in his mulder way, and she finds so much meaning in a keychain & he's in awe of her. she's always asking him to get out of the car because the truth & work doesn't have to be all their lives are. and eventually he starts to learn and they play baseball and they dance and have movie nights and exchange gifts.

mulder & scully learn what to do with their grief, the love they can't give to the people they've lost. mulder fought for every child & family they came across and never gave up until they had answers, or were safely returned to their families. scully goes back into the medical field and helps every child & family she can. they go home to each other and they have a quiet life for a while.

yes, mulder was sick for a while but he comes out the other side more able to relax and he lives. he asks scully on dates, they go back to the work they love and it's much lighter than it was before. until they come across their son. there was pain in that, but there was also so much relief in knowing that jackson was loved. he had parents who loved him and took care of him and tried to get him help when he needed it. he played baseball. and for a little while they thought he was dead, but scully realized the moment his body disappeared that he wasn't really dead. and they sought him out and he gave scully small little gifts that he could. the snow globe, the knowledge that he was alive & could protect himself & that he really wanted to know her. he heard every word she said to him. my struggle iv ends very open ended. they think jackson was shot but scully is pregnant again, and they have a chance to be parents to another child like they always wanted. and you can believe they never see jackson again but that just. can't be the truth. it's open ended to leave room for them to come back, because the x files never gives us all the answers. because the fact that jackson is alive & they're having another baby is so hopeful. maybe we don't see them as a family in the end, but i think they made it clear mulder & scully never give up and jackson wants to know them. he wanted to protect them but he's just a teenager.

grief is hard but it's a part of life and it doesn't mean they can't be happy. it might never be pure, but there's no such thing as pure, untainted happiness. it's the human condition. we get to feel the whole spectrum of emotions and life grows around grief. you learn what to do with it. you learn ways to share the love you can't actively give to the people you've lost. but the connections & love don't go away. that love is belongs to you and there are so many ways to honor it, to share it with others and it can still be all about that person. that's what the x files is all about for mulder & scully. it's always what the show was about. chris carter was right: mulder and scully are the light in dark places. the show is all about their love, the way they love each other & the world & all the love they're surrounded by.

[elfdyke]

see thats the amazing thing about saw is the difference in mentality between amanda and . i forgot his name the bald bitch mastermind. he doesn't like these people but he wants to see if they change and become better after surviving the horrors and amanda has seen people survive and she disagrees so she opts on removing them instead and thats really interesting to me. i know a difference of opinion between teacher and student isnt anything new but its Special here for some reason idk its more meaningful when youre playing with other peoples lives

ITS LITERALLY SO INTERESTING!! esp bc they both experienced life or death scenarios (reverse bear trap + johns suicide attempt). but where john came out of that with a complete belief in rebirth, amanda had that for like.. a few months before shes like um.. guys is this really working 💔 like how did every person that was also framed by amanda get systematically killed yet eric matthews remained relatively unharmed and also had the easiest task of all those in saw 2 😭 it broke her belief so badly. AND LIKE SHE STILL WANTS TO BELIEVE.. in saw 3 "fix me mother fucker" she wants to be wrong sooooo so badly. she wants to be stupid and clueless and john to guide her. but shes right is the thing... ack its soo miserable.

and yeah amanda just like.. destroying people entirely rather than letting them suffer or come out of it (like her) broken and changed... its soo interesting and sad to think about. i really do feel like a part of amanda lays awake at night thinking she should have just let it happen. she deserved it. but she didnt and shes here now. MISERABLE

and yeah on the teacher/student dichotomy its crazy she literally looks up to him so badly both in a godlike way as ive mentioned but also fearfully. he could kill her at any time..OR WORSE. i genuinely believe saw 2 was to further stomp her down, ruin her a little more. hoffman never experienced aaannything like that. the electric chair shit was so nothingburger like. he was quite literally not in danger all he had to do was sit there with a gag and collar on. like OKAY. meanwhile amanda had to run around that damn gas house WITHOUT KNOWING WHERE THE EXIT WAS. WHICH STILL BLOWS MY MIND TBH. its so crazy its sooo crazy she could have so easily died in there.

[multiplicity-positivity]

hey, we're a newly discovered system ("newly" being kinda loose here. its been something ive (🐦) experienced for so long in my(?)* life that i thought it was normal and no one talked about it. and at least a year since properly established contact with another headmate)

we've all been participating in looking up resources and whatnot for this kind of thing bc there's words for this stuff??? and we just never knew???? but im incredibly scared by the sheer size of it all

just earlier today fell into the rabbit-hole of sys-course and it has me doubting everything. again. i frequently worry (and frequently another headmate speaks up and reminds me he can hear my worrying and its lowkey annoying to him LOL) but like. augh.. it tears me apart and makes some of the others nervous too because im so loud about it accidentally

i feel like im faking because i cant remember anything traumatizing (or anything before a specific age range really), we still function as a group fine enough, we're not particularly switchy + are often blurry, and we have really robust communication that almost sounds too good compared to the other experiences we've read.

but on the other hand... i (personally) know roughly when i formed, what of "my" actions were not actually performed by me, tug each other around over control and time management, do understand and feel the change from switching, and just. cant deny this experience. its confusing for me. but just me personally. there are other headmates who don't see any issues and are fully aware and accepting of our multiplicity.

i guess i'd just really like some positivity for alters who are confused and trying to figure things out, even if some of the others seem to have it all down

-🐦

Hi! We’re so sorry that y’all have been dealing with this!

Syscourse is honestly a nightmare. It causes so much stress and anxiety for systems and doesn’t actually help resolve differences or bring the community together. It’s mostly just the same handful of people shouting at each other endlessly, so we’d definitely recommend you and any system avoid it if they can! Involvement in syscourse can absolutely diminish healing and encourage self doubt, and it has the capacity to hurt systems in the long run!

Remember that, while trauma is a requirement for systems with DID and OSDD-1 to form, there’s way more types of plurality than just these! You don’t have to have been traumatized as a child to end up plural. It’s also worth pointing out that these dissociative disorders function by hiding, masking, or disguising trauma. Many people with complex dissociative disorders grow up entirely unaware of their trauma history. We ourselves did not think we were traumatized when we first discovered our system! Since then, however, we’ve learned that we do in fact have tons of trauma to process, along with a CPTSD diagnosis.

If you’d like to learn more about dissociative disorders or plurality in general with hopes of learning more about your system, we definitely recommend checking out our master post of resources! We’re trying to keep it up-to-date with any plural, dissociative disorder, or ptsd recovery content we can find - I’ll link it below!

Finally, we would be more than happy to write a positivity post for confused alters, headmates, and systems. We’ve queued this post for tonight at 8:00PM EST! Please keep your chin up 🐦, we sincerely hope things get better for you soon!

🌸 Margo and 💫 Parker