#but now im super stuck and i hate everything i write and that ive ever written lmao

[kinnenvy]

qaf wip #1

victorian qaf wip, im 💀. like i was saying idk if i'll ever finish this, but here's a little snippet just to feel something

Dripping. Continuous, incessant, tormenting.

The steady, wet sound echoes through the room and fills the blissfully silent air, it sneaks past any barrier Justin crafts. His hands on his ears, his pillows, then his covers, the weight and width of his shield can do nothing against the quiet drip, drip, drip…

Justin quickly surrenders to watching the water fall from the roof of his room and land loudly in the tin bucket prepared to welcome it. It's unbearable and Justin misses home, misses his room. He misses the comfort of his sturdy mattress, his feather pillows and the maids making sure the stoves warming the rooms never run out of wood and coal.

Justin breathes out slowly, if he had any energy left he would thrash against the coarse bed sheets and throw a tantrum embarrassing enough to rival his younger sister's. Unfortunately, or one could argue fortunately, any will to explode into fits of unadulterated rage has abandoned him the moment his father backhanded him over the breakfast table and threw him, his mother and sister out of their family home and effectively out of the country.

He grabs his pillow, its smell of stale wardrobes and lavender follows him all the way through the large room and out of it. He trudges through the halls of their new accommodation, overtly conscious of the wood creaking under his slippers and the portraits of his grandparents, uncles and younger versions of his mother following him with their eyes as he warily walks in the near complete dark.

Remembering the position of the door he is looking for is giving him a lot of trouble, but eventually he gets the courage to open every door he encounters. He releases a nervous breath, once he finally opens the door hiding his mother. Molly, his sister, is already sleeping by her side and Justin is comforted by the knowledge that they've both had the same idea.

"Mother…" Justin whispers and sounds much more forlorn than he would have liked, "Mom." 

She takes a sharp inhale, almost startled, but she quickly seems to relax. Although Justin can't tell for sure, the lunar light filtering in the spaces between the curtains doesn't illuminate the room enough to let him see.

"There's a leak in my room, I feel like it might drive me mad." Justin explains as a way to secure himself a spot in his mother's bed.

"Sweetheart…" She sighs, "I'm sorry, we'll find a new place soon." The thick woolly covers are drawn back and Justin quickly moves to adjust himself underneath them, "You should tell your grandfather tomorrow. He'll have someone come and patch it up."

"Right…" Justin hums, trying not to think about how many perfectly functional, unoccupied rooms void of any leaks, he saw on his way to his mother's.

He's not sure how long it's been since he's gotten in his mother's bed, when he's awoken by shouting rising from the streets. Despite the coldness swirling in the stale air in the room and its difference from the warmth of the covers, he gathers the will to pull himself up on his feet and reach the nearest window. 

Near the middle of the crossroad on the right of his grandfather's house, there are two gentlemen, dressed in elegant evening coats and tight, light coloured pants. They seem to be fighting, Justin watches them as they push and shove at each other until the tallest of the two grabs the other by the lapels of his jacket and pulls him towards himself. Their faces meet and Justin jolts away as he realises they're kissing.

His ears start burning, his cheeks slowly heat up as well. Slowly, he creeps closer to the glass again, by the time his eyes are back on the scene his whole face and neck must be dyed in varying shades of red, all bound to deepen as he catches the gaze of one of the men. Thick furrowed eyebrows, a head of dark, purposefully unruly hair and a profile sculpted with the same platonic inspiration that used to fuel renaissance men.

The day begins with another tense breakfast, but thankfully Justin's face is not met by the rough palm of anyone's hand. Despite the fact that his grandfather makes it clear he wouldn't mind issuing a dose of discipline through methods that involve physical pain. He says as much as he eats his coque eggs messily, even though his words nail his father as the sole villain, he waves his spoon menacingly right under Justin's nose and then at his mother and sister.

"I shouldn't have let you marry a man without a title," He says gruffly, the grunting accompanying his words reminds Justin of the old, pink pigs, he uses to see every month, when his father took him to town fairs. "My own daughter, a duke's daughter, banished from her house!" He complains aimlessly throughout their entire meal, while Justin's mother, unsure of her own stance, releases noncommittal noises to let him know she is listening.

Molly doesn't eat anything and as soon as their grandfather leaves the table, she cries and asks to be allowed back home. Justin is conflicted, but underneath the embarrassment and the swelling on his right cheek, he wishes for the same thing.

"I need to go out." is what he ends up saying, he doesn't elaborate, but is also met by no resistance. His mother looks at him with concern, but she's so preoccupied by his sister's soul-shaking sobs, that she just dismisses him with a gesture of her hand and a call for carefulness.

His grandfather hasn't been involved with the military for the better part of forty years, yet he operates by its hours. Wake up call at half past five and breakfast at six, that's why Justin finds himself roaming the streets at seven am sharp.

The air hasn't had the time to be warmed by the Sun, so it's especially cold, it pushes past the barrier of Justin's expensive clothes and forces itself on him, frigid like ice and carrying the tangy scent of coal smoke.

Justin is startled out of his thoughts by a door opening, the mansion standing right in front of his mother's family home. He watches the large entrance door, its solid wood dragging over the threshold and uncovering the same man Justin saw the night before.

He is caught staring, it's embarrassing and it makes the calm wind feel a tad colder. 

Without letting himself rot in the memories from the earlier night, Justin starts walking again. He doesn't have a cane and it's too cold to pick the hat off his head and start fidgeting with it, so he tries to discharge some of the nervousness gathering in his body by shoving his hands in his pockets and clench and unclench his fists, pull at whatever loose thread he finds there, do just about anything to stop thinking about the set of footsteps echoing his own.

The man easily reaches his side, they're walking through the intersection when his shoulder bumps into Justin's, he turns to look at him and doesn't do anything to hide how deliberate the move was.

"Sorry." He says without gravitas, his pink lips part in a smile that conveys no friendliness, but snark and other feelings that Justin is not privy to. His eyes, dark and light at the same time, drag very openly over Justin, starting at his leather boots and ending at his own clear, uncomplicated blue eyes. "I haven't seen you around before." He speaks with a thick Irish accent, his voice is steady, but weighed down by the layers of meaning hiding under the surface of each word he utters.

"I'm visiting my grandfather." Justin lowers his eyes to the ground and gestures at the house he's just left. He doesn't dare looking back at it, afraid to see anyone peering through the windows and seeing the exchange.

Long, deft fingers enter his line of vision, they grab onto the golden buttons on his coat and smooth over the forest green fabric, moving upwards until they brush against Justin's chin.

"Oh, a Taylor. A lord, then." He dips his head in a bow, but he sounds like he is mocking him, "Do you have urgent business to attend to?" Justin shakes his head no at his question, dares a glance upwards and feels his breakfast drop so deep inside his stomach that the hunger comes back, only much worse, much more demanding than normal.

The flurry of movements that follow is hard to keep track of, Justin is only looking at the greek slope of the man's nose, at the self-satisfied stretch of his lips as they cross the intersection and quickly disappear in an alley between two mansions. Justin is pushed against a wall, for a brief moment there’s the stench of garbage in the air, until the man in front of him lowers his head towards him and Justin’s nose is hit by the artificial scent of expensive cologne and hints of musk right underneath it, the smell of men he can so easily pick out of any bouquet of scents.

Solid hands make quick work of his golden buttons, Justin instinctively poses his own on them and holds onto the cold skin, half of him in an attempt to slow them, while the other to encourage them.

“What,” He starts and his voice breaks. The man laughs and Justin halts the systems running his body just to gather all his energy to stare and take him in. Brilliant and beautiful, dazzling like the people in songs and paintings. “What is your name?” he tries again as soon as he’s able to retake the reins on his wits.

“Brian.” His voice lowers, it drips slowly like treacle, he raises his chin and squares his shoulders, Justin follows the movement with his eyes and gulps down all the other questions he had been thinking about asking.

"My name is Justin." He says instead, even if the other didn't ask and doesn't seem particularly interested in knowing it. Justin hopes it will stick with him anyway.

"What do you like to do?" Brian asks, he leans his right arm on the wall beside Justin's face, while his left hand still fidgets with his buttons, this time they are the small, round ones cut from mother-of-pearl keeping his shirt closed.

A smile breaches Justin's lips, he is so pleased by the idle conversation, it's just enough to help him keep his mind off the anxiety clamouring right under his skin."Uhm… Painting, listening to music…" 

Brian laughs, it feels sort of pointed, genuinely amused, but still mocking, "I mean in more… Private settings." He explains and his head dips until his lips brush right against his left temple as he speaks. Justin’s mouth opens and his jaw goes slack at hearing someone be so upfront.

"Oh," Justin clears his throat and almost chokes on his spit, the anxiety now reaching heights that cross any expectation he could have ever had.

"Do you like to give it? Do you prefer taking it?" The question immediately transports Justin back to the military academy he's just been driven away from. The hushed whispers of his shy, aristocratic roommates asking him in big boisterous words whether he wanted to touch them over their slacks or not. 

“Uhm,” Justin shifts on his feet, unsure of what to say. The questions are so straightforward now that it’s impossible to search and find in them some sort of innocent meaning. The issue becomes all jumbled up in his head anyway, he’s never really taken or given anything in these situations and he can’t imagine what he could be giving or taking in an alleyway a few metres away from his grandfather’s house.

“I don’t have all morning.” The man, Brian, straightens up, “Do you want to?” He asks, he narrows his eyes and peers right into Justin. Justin is not completely sure what he’s agreeing to, but he finds himself nodding enthusiastically, his hands grasp the other man’s tighter and guide them more forcefully towards his half opened shirt.

Brian’s fingers are nimble and used to touching to provoke pleasure. Justin squirms and trembles as he traces the faint lines of his muscles, the sensitive skin of his nipples, hard and dark pink in the chilly air.

“You’re pretty.” Brian says against his chest, his lips press kisses on his sternum as he slowly lowers himself to his knees, “Wish I had the time to fuck you.”

The word sounds so loud in the early morning silence, Justin feels it echo and bounce off the walls all around them. For a moment his panic convinces him the entirety of the west end must have heard it, but then the buttons keeping the crotch of his pants closed are undone with ease and his half hardness stands out in the open. Anyone could take a wrong turn, or a maid could come trotting out of one of the houses surrounding them and see them. They would end up on the first page of the Inquirer Weekly and then in jail and Justin’s father will absolutely never forgive him then.

“Hey,” Brian says and looks up from where he’s kneeling on the pavement, “Are you still with me?” he asks, darting his eyes betwixt Justin’s face and his shrinking erection. 

“This is a bit,” Justin starts, he scratches his throat, almost claws at it out of frustration, wanting so much what he is being offered, but also being deathly afraid of anyone finding out, “What if someone sees?”

“Who? No one’s staying in these houses, they’ve been empty for quite a while.” Brian arches an eyebrow, his hot palms lay on Justin’s thighs and he caresses him gently, an attempt at soothing him that’s working only marginally against the thoughts rushing in his head. He raises back on his feet and Justin hates himself for having ruined the chance to lay with such a gorgeous man. “It’s fine, dear. Don’t worry about it.” He can tell he’s trying to be gracious, his pants are terribly tented and he can’t stop himself from biting on his lips, as if holding himself back from saying anything more. Justin feels Brian’s lips kiss his temple and then sees him take a step back, retracing the path they’ve followed to find this isolated, secretive angle.

Justin feels him slip through his fingers, his eyes are fixed on the lines of his nose, his jaw, any detail of his features, the beautiful mix of green and amber in his eyes and in a moment he’s stepping forward, “No.” He says, more to himself than the other man, and rises on his toes to kiss him fiercely. It’s clumsier than he would have liked, but the wet slide of their lips is ensnaring to him, the sound alone is enough to make his knees buckle under his weight. His cock is hard again, harder than it’s ever been, Brian touches him again and he fears he might come just with that alone.

Brian doesn’t speak anymore, doesn’t ask leading questions, doesn’t mock and laugh at him. Although he does moan, deep and guttural in Justin’s ears, he kisses him and keeps a tight hold on the back of Justin’s head and his cock. Justin isn’t able to appreciate the scope of sensations he is experiencing, his extremities feel as cold as ice as if all the blood and warmth of his body were concentrating between his legs and in the left hand, secured tightly around Brian.

They stroke each other to completion in no time, Justin feels himself go a little crossed eyed as he pushes as close to Brian as he can, demanding to be kissed, while nearing his climax. Brian indulges him, but he also shifts the positions of their bodies until Justin’s coming against a wall instead of Brian’s clothes. Brian is coming mere seconds later, his hot breath marking Justin’s neck and his hand fidgeting with the strands of his blonde hair.

“Now, this is what I call a good morning.” Brian smiles slyly, Justin’s blood is finally free to roam the entirety of his body and it rushes to his face, showing just how embarrassed he feels by what he’s just done. Quickly they both dress themselves, Justin doesn’t need the help, but he doesn’t protest when Brian reaches around him and he tucks his spent cock back into his trousers, “Thank you for the generous breakfast.” He says and with a slap to Justin’s ass he walks out of the alleyway. Justin is left fidgeting with the buttons of his shirt until he realises what has just happened. He lowers his head, torn between the elation left behind by his orgasm and the need for more. His eyes see a small booklet on the floor, without thinking about it he bends down and picks it up.

He runs, his steps sound awfully loud, despite the fact that most of the lords, ladies, misters and madams inhabiting the houses around him have woken up and have started flooding the streets. Justin is sure he can still see Brian’s wide shoulders walk forward, far from him, but before he can pick up his running again, he is caught, captured by his grandfather’s hand on his shoulder, “Accompany me to the club, boy.” he says in a tone that won’t allow anything other than affirmative answers.

So Justin is left behind, as they wait for the carriage, with the badge of an inspector detective of the metropolitan police in his hands, bound in black leather and hiding the picture of the man he just saw come apart in an empty alley.

[comeonblub]

i do this thing where i write notes about my knowledge of a new media before starting it, my experience during it, and then my perspective after (if i finish)

separately, ive also been losing my mind about Outer Wilds for well over a week now. ive decided i want to share it

(if you notice that it's been years since ive posted on here no you didn't)

also if you haven't played the game, i recommended you do not read this and instead go download Outer Wilds

spoilers below

NOTES: Outer Wilds / before playing

- has that one song with annoying whistling that i always skip when it shows up on Spotify

- that one person i follow on Tumblr absolutely loves it it's like their favourite game

- seems like it might be emotional or something?

- uhhhh space aliens? i think??

NOTES: Outer Wilds / start playing

- omg the controls SUCk

- oh IM the alien

- lag lag lag and very not keyboard friendly (yes im playing with a keyboard no i don't have a controller)

- ...

- okay keybind + graphics adjustments, and ive made it ever so slightly better

- i do not want to talk to you

- I DO NoT know what i am supposed to be doing what what what

- maybe i shouldve talked to people

- uhhhhh did I do that?

- the world explodes and dies. why. bc of me?

- UHHh

- oh hey the game references the fact i died lol

- okay Doing this again i guess and won't repeat the thing that killed me i think

- don't fucking TouCH that thing it explodes worlds

- okay okay im getting good info i think def don't want to die this time unless i can save

- do i save at that one statue? let's try

- WAIT FUCK FUCK The World's exploding again WHY

- BUHHHH

- "you're lucky im in a timeloop because otherwise I'd be super dead" – LMAO OKAY I MAY BE WON OVER

- okay so the explosions are independent of me. im going back to that thing and fucking around w/ it

- ...

- 15 Hours Into Game

- brittle hollow and i are besties now

- the lore is intricate ain't it. at times i feel like i understand everything. at others im completely lost. if there's a strategy here i don't know it. im just compelled to explore

- the Southern Observatory kinda went off tho with that visual and music combo

- the Fucking Moon

- i got stuck in anglerfish overlook w/ rising sand and just had to wait to die by being scrunched on the ceiling. absolutely worst way to go was awful and i hated it

- 22 min......

- reading explanations that completely recontexutalizes things i'd took for granted or previously ignored is a trip and a half

- my worldview gets shattered every other loop, millions dead but don't worry death means nothing

- like "the sun station",.. oh. "22 min interval"... OH

- i don't know what else to do here

- giants deep whomst ive ignored

- THERES ANOTHER PERSON WHO STUCK IN THIS TIMELOOP WITH ME?

- !!!

- gabbro my beloved

- hhhngg these puzzles.. am i missing something. should i know it now. will i learn it later. the stupid watery core and electricity...

- ...

- 25 Hours Into Game

- i know this galaxy

- i know it intimately

- but there are some places that are just so stupidly challenging to get to. i get there once. i never want to have to do it again. (giants deep core– once. sun station– once. coleus' lakebed quantum cave– twice. centre of the interloper– twice. the vessel– once. high energy lab– twice.)

- ...

- quantum moon whoag

- uh hm what

- YOURE ALIVE

- solanum i love u

- "think of you as a friend" PLS CAN I HUG

- ...

- 30+ HOURS INTO GAME

- i figured out the ash twin core

- i chickened out of taking the thing to do other things instead. achievement hunting.

- it's simply much too scary. no fallback. what happens if no core, no loop

- oh

- .. oh

- fucking hell i didn't realize how much id become dependent on the safety net of a timeloop. of like, functional immortality

- the fear of the unknown. of something new. of actual death

- ...

- well then

- FINISHING MAIN GAME

- i took the core. i left the ash twin project.

- music immediately begins kicking up into something new and emotional and anticipatory

- I DIDN'T KNOW THERE WAS MORE TO DO

- i panic and warp back to ask twin project. return the core to the machine

- what a wuss. but i feel better

- think think think think

- where Have I Seen that before. the core

- okay i have an idea of what to do but. fear

- I PRACTICE. Practice! i do 3+ runs to test getting past those Fucking FISH

- AND THEN DO IT FOR REAL

- screaming and crying

- BUT I SUCCEED

- whhhjhb whoaggh

- eye...

- HhhHhh quantummmm

- what

- what

- what

- a guy

- what

- ... euuuu cry mine friendsss

- ayy the fucking hell im emotional

- goddamn. What A Game. that music. holy shit

- ...

NOTES: Outer Wilds / post playing

- even as i did the ending there was still a small part of me that thought... i can save them

- ... (there will be a way to save them)

- there wasn't of course. and it hurt. but... not in a completely bad way

- it's like. the small flickering hope i felt at the end of all things, it still meant something. it still got me TO the end

- i know it was just a game but. it makes me think

- ...

- BONUS Saga of me accomplishing achievements: the fact that i later was able to break reality and also talk to myself in game was fun and cool and sexy

- i WILL be playing DLC but i need to recover

[minnieposting]

talking about ocd, hyperfixations, and loving vocaloid

minnie journal entry style post again, except this ones SUPER long lol.

a few nights ago i had a Moment of Weakness . it mightve been a withdrawal thing but i was not at my best lol, i just became really upset out of nowhere?? i was listening to some teto synthv stuff and kinda just Reminiscing on my vocaloid days ... i find myself doing that pretty frequently lately but since im not rlly hyperfixating on anything rn, vocaloid pretty much becomes my default. but im getting ahead of myself.

i get weird about my hyperfixations. when one starts slipping away it used to be so genuinely painful like i felt it so physically i would get so depressed whenever i felt hyperfixations start to slowly fade. i was always like that, but it was different with vocaloid.

 i will never be able to really describe HOW much vocaloid means to me but its litreally part of my soul. its ME. like i was sitting here trying to do exactly what i said i couldnt and guess what, i couldnt really describe it. i was really REALLY hyperfixated on it for 8 whole years straight, elementary school up to when i was around 15?  thats when my ungodly uncharted 4 hyperfixation came eating my ass .... and i remember the only reason it stopped was bc i felt too guilty abt leaving vocaloid behind I KNOW U CANT CONTROL HYPERFIXATIONS BUT MINE LITREALLY JUST STOPPED. after a specififc day of intense guilt lmfao

but yeah. guilt. whenever i leave behind a hyperfixation, i just feel SO guilty, and i dont really know why. i always feel this need to “prove” to myself that i still love a character, they still make me as happy as they used to, and i feel weird and bad if im not getting into smth as obsessively or if im not “consuming it the correct way”. i feel like im not rlly explaining this thing well but ocd is just a nighhttttmare , it bleeds into everything and lately its been bleeding into my interests and my creativity x1000. and im just really sad about that because i feel like i wont ever be that same person again, bc im just too hyperaware BC of my ocd and i just find myself ruminating a lot. though this usually starts to become Active in my head when my hyperfixation is actually starting to go away ... lol. when im balls deep into smth i will be way too obsessed to be in my head like that!

but. all this just being context lol... i was listening to teto synthv stuff and just. i dont even remember what caused me to start getting so upset but i just started reminiscing and getting in my own head about all this. how i dont like vocaloid as much anymore and wondering if ill ever be as happy as i was back then. i hate being an adult bc being an adult means being more Aware and being aware means ocd bothering me and just. idk. I was thinking about everything. Typical rumination spiral. just started getting really sad and upset bc i was just stuck in my thoughts and thinking about how younger me would be disappointed in my current self

it didnt last very long at least, and i ended up listening to re:ng and pinnochiop. but the songs that i clicked actually ,,,,,, helped me so much. one of the songs i clicked was rainy snowdrop by re:ng, and i found myself resonating so deeply with the lyrics. like im actually a bit emotional rn typing bc i went to go look at the lyrics again and im listening to the song rn. it really picked me up and made me feel ok again. then because youre here by pinnochiop played. and just. FUCK BOTH OF THESE SONGS ARE JUST EXACTLY WHAT I NEEDED TO HEAR IN THAT MOMENT. it reminded me that itll be okay. simple as that.

and. im only writing abt what happened a few nights ago because while i was playing future tone earlier, it just hit me. ive always been saying that vocaloid makes me feel like myself. but then i started thinking about what exactly that means. and im actually thinking about it now while i write. its like home to me. vocaloid is where ill always go to, where ill always be. i grew up with it. its never not been with me. and no matter where i end up, itll follow me and itll be okay. ocd likes to make me ruminate about the past present and future but one thing that i know for sure is that vocaloid will always be there for me. i see it in a way where its me and my kid self. and i value my inner child so much. which is a bit ironic to me, bc of the way i treat myself...

idk. vocaloid is just really grounding in general. whenever i spiral or need to be pulled back down to earth, its there, and itll always help. its just nice to have this forever thing that i love so much

[wildcatofgreen]

- Share the latest entry in your diary/journal.

Interview the Muse

- Share the latest entry in your diary/journal.

"please let me make this clear that i do not like you. i hate you, even. go fuck yourself."

She stands from her desk, wandering groggily over to her closet. Opens the door, reaches into her snack stash--actually, she'll need some of these for later. Stones know she's not leaving anytime soon, she'll need something to stay satiated. Pocket some snacks, go get her diaries.

blah blah blah she destroys the locks and opens the boxes grabs the avalice what the fuck ever.

With the Avalice diary in hand, she wanders back over to her desk, sits down, and opens it to the last entry.

"dear diary, "sup. i dont think im gonna write in ya much anymore. "i dont think i need you much, either? everything is pretty much perfect right now, besides the training "SO MUCH TRAINING. you dont even know looool. "i got lilac. i got sonar. i got trainin, i got my besties and i got like, everything a wildcat could ask for right now. "im content! really, i am! i dont have to worry about anything anymore, besides keeping up with people. "and for the coolest wildcat around? HA, that's eaaaasy. "though, i guess if there's OOOONE thing i wish i had "it'd probably be a consistent cash flow. stealin's awesome but it dont pay the bills, if you know what i mean "that battlesphere stuff is SUPER DUPER COOL but iiiii dont know if i could ever be a battlesphere champ "i mean, im a super sick world savior, so that's gotta count for SOMETHING. "but CAPTAIN KALAW??? HE'S SO AWESOME I TELL SONY ABOUT HIM EVERYTIME THE BATTLESPHERE SHOWS UP!!!! "shame what happened to the jade fury though. he aint deserve that. not at all. "but jobs, yeah. i could probably do more stuff with my mechanics? "but when would i ever have the TIME? ive had MORE time thanks to the dumb gemerald not working anymore, but stones ever since i figured out the jump/bike disc stuff i cant fuckin' think of other cool stuff i could do. "and i cant fix other people's bikes. lol, here comes the local thief to fix stuff. nah that bitch gonna STEAL IT "lilac says we should only steal when we HAVE to. but how else are we gonna get cash? running around picking up chump change isnt gonna make us live. we gotta STEAL. i swipe some dude's wallet everytime i leave the palace. it gets funny replacing wallets with different IDs in them. "idk what i wanna do with myself. who is this CAROL TEA, lolll "but seriously, im happy. but im also stuck. where's the room to grow. i aint got no potential. it kinda sucks "but i can deal with it. and the first step into this room to grow is to get rid of this stupid diary!!!! "ill miss you, diary bro, but i wont wait up either. lol. "see ya! "- carol"

. . .

"no comment."

[lovebombsafterthewar]

i finished season 5 of bojack horseman and i have a lot of thoughts. i've been working on writing this since the 6th of feb and i've finally figured out a way to put my feeling into words.

the season was amazing, i still loved season 3 the most (biased because of sarah lynn) but this season and season 4 are tied from second place. the way the characters flesh out this season is amazing and i really resonated with a lot of these episodes. spoilers after the cut:

to begin, i loved how they separated diane from bojack and mr peanutbutter (finally) and the way they did it was great too. her finally becoming her own person is a great story arc and despite not being the most shown this season she did a great job of blossoming as her own person this season. and when she talked about how wearing Vietnamese clothing made her feel like a tourist, i felt. no one talks about feeling cut off from your own heritage and how depressing it can be.

but something i didnt like about diane was how insensitive she was in the episode when she wrote the penny incident into the script for bojack. shes generally a morally 'good' character but she had no remorse when she wrote that whole thing into a script of a show that hundreds of thousands of people watched. she didnt care that she was profitting (in a petty way and literal way) off someone elses trauma.

this wouldnt have been a huge deal to me if it were, say, pc (since we know that she places her job and profits above her morals in certain situations) or ana (who we know doesnt care about this stuff), but it was really unexpected of diane. it really showed that diane needs to seperate from bojack since hes began to rub off on her. id hate to see this episodes writing bite penny in the ass later as weve already seen that she wants nothing to do with bojack anymore.

and again, diane going off at bojack at the premiere is another example of diane trying to be morally correct but doing it in way which i dont agree with. with the script, it was bad for penny. but in this shes just not being smart. bojack is stuck up and narcissistic and wouldnt agree or listen to someone berrating him for his actions. that being said, diane was so so right in everything she said to him.

i also loved how princess carolyn’s story arc has finally been fulfilled and now she has her own kid now. the way they fleshed out her character this season was amazing and im so excited to see her tackle parenthood and balancing her job with it in season 6.

as always, i loved todd this season. him coming to terms with his asexuality made me so happy. i loved the episode when him and yolanda are trying to hide their asexuality from her family it was absolutely hilarious. todds sex robot which he made in hopes of keeping a relationship with emily was also so so funny and i loved it. they left off his character very vaguely this season and i hope its beause they have good ideas for his character next season. especially as weve seen his potential from becoming president of ad sales for whattimeisitrightnow.com.

the bojack the feminist episode, first off: the parallel between "dont choke women" and what bojack did a few episodes later. no words. this episode was super super real in terms of everyone listening to the feminism bojack spews only because hes a man. i especially loved the ending monologue bojack gave about philbert, it was like the writers of the show were directly talking to the audience to not idolize bojack and his behaviour. all in all, out of all of the 'feminist/problematic in the media' style episodes which are there once a season, this is my fave so far.

'free churro' is easily one of the best episodes of television ive ever seen. i cant really relate to it (which im so so grateful for) but it gave me a form of insight to the kind of relationships my friends have with their parents, and now i can better comfort them. but what really sucked was that, because it was the wrong funeral, any form of character development that bojack made there is as good as nothing since no one from his life was there to see him breaking down about his mother. will arnetts delivery for this entire episode was brilliant.

mr peanut butters boos is my personal favorite episode of the season and maybe of the show. it was delivered in a very creative manner and i loved watching the parallels between all of pb's 'boos'. pb isnt an amazing character and by the end of this episode he was forced to face the reality of his failing relationships. i relate to this episode in a certain way. i dont want to grow up and face the reality of losing my loved ones, but its something i cant stop by just pretending to be young and stupid.

man i love hollyhock, but watching bojacks only day with her (the only person he has a healthy relationship with) be about chasing down more drugs for him was heartbreaking. the episode entirely was really really sad and hollyhock saying she loves bojack and him not reciprocating was the icing on a depression cake.

time for the penultimate episode, this was so so effectively confusing. the switching between philbert and real life was eerie and really smart. him choking gina was really difficult to watch and makes every form of character growth he was getting seem like small potatoes. im so glad the episode ends with bojack getting real help and i hope he gets better in season 6. the tunnel ending made my breath hitch cuz of the comparison of diane to princess diana earlier in the season. and we all know what happened when princess diana went into a tunnel.

im gonna start season 6 now, wish me luck.

[theravencawsatmidnight]

Pink Chains

Punk! Kyotani x Bubbly F! reader. Aka my favorite cliche trope. It lives in my head every second of the day.

This is the FIRST HALF because its too much words to fit in one post ! :(

Kyotani owns a grunge /punk apparel shop after leaving the Sendai Frogs after a incident with the Black Jackals. He designs his own clothes and hires Oikawa & Iwaizumi as his employees. Everything goes smoothly for awhile, till you walk in; pink dress, big smile , and bubbly personality. His whole life stops in that moment. 

“Excuse me sir? Do you have a fitting room?”

He blinks finally realizing you are in front of him looking a little huffy, bunching up your cheeks waiting for his answer. Kyo rubs the back of his neck showing off his wolf sleeve to you along with his tone muscles after playing volleyball in highschool. He points with his chin towards the left. “In the back” he tells you. The smile you give him just about melts his fucking heart

***

Oikawa can be heard having a stroke pretty much in the background and a loud slap making him shut up. Kyo shows you where the fitting room is and its more like a room with a curtain on it . You skip past him going in and before you close the curtain you smile at him again.

“Dont leave! I want a second opinion, okay?!?” The curtain whipped closed.

Kyo looked over at his friends and Iwazuimi just nodded fast while Oikawa gave him a thumbs up. Kyo rolled his eyes looking down at his clothes while he waited. A black shirt with a wolf on it , black jeans with rips in them , chains hanging around his pockets and tan boots . He rubs his volleyball tattoo and glances at his sleeve thinking for a minute. Not once had he seen someone like you in his store, even on his day off his friends would text him if such a thing ever happened. So what exactly were you doing?

You flipped your dress over the curtain and Kyos eyes immediately caught it. He looked over his arm and the two were trying not to panic. When he looked back you peeked out from the curtain smiling.

“Ok ready? Be honest ok?”

“...sure..”

you moved the curtain and posed for him. “So?”

It was wonderful, the skirt the shirt the way they fit perfectly on you , the colors looked great on you too even if the shirt was a mix of dark colors and the skirt was red. Kyo gulped taking it in, god he hoped you would be a regular after this.

“Its perfect sweetie.” He said , eyes wide in disbelief.

“Ee really?!?”

“ yes.”

You giggled closing the curtain again and pulled your dress down. Kyo looked over his shoulder again and Iwazuimi had his head on the register and Oikawa was just giving him a thumbs up.

You skipped outta the dressing room holding the items and giving Kyo a smile . “Ill take em !” You told him full of eagerness.

“Okay okay.” He motioned for you to follow him to the register , giving his friends a look till they moved. Kyo went around the desk and rang up the stuff abd of course Oikawa had to say something.

“Never seen a cutie like you before in here!”

Kyo looked over at him and Iwazuimi pulled him away. “I just remembered a shipment came in”

“Iwa-chaaaan”

It was just you and him now. Kyo had no idea what to say to you , fuck he really was awful with girls. He placed the bag on the register and you took it from him , your fingers touching his knuckles and rings for a second. Kyo rubbed his knuckles with his free hand not looking at you.

“Thank you!”

“Uh huh. Anytime.”

He was waiting for the bell on the door to go off, signalling that you left but it never came. Kyo was getting slightly annoyed, not at you but himself. He cant even make conversation.

“I like your tattoo!!!”

He blinked looking over at you to see you pointing to his wolf sleeve. “Its so pretty!!”

“Thank you.”

“Uhm i know people dont like their tattoos touched but i wanted to tell you its pretty.”

“.....you can touch it…” good, cmon Kyo… “i dont mind.” He held his arm out.

“Really?!?” Her hands hovered over it and Kyo nodded slowly.

Slowly you placed your hands on his arm on the first wolf. Kyos hand was in a fist he was so nervous , no female had ever asked to touch his ink before let alone talk to him . You were so soft, feeling your fingers glide over his wolves was the best thing he felt in a long time. It was almost as satisfying as spiking the ball.

“All so pretty!!” You ran your hands up while you spoke. “I want one but im so nervous!!!”

He couldn't help but smile at that. “Oh yeah? Of what?”

“Mm!! I love red pandas.. they are just so cute and tiny !! But also kittens are cute.. “ you stopped at the biggest wolf on his upper arm. He felt you squeeze his muscle.

“Red pandas and kittens would be cool” he told you , trying to flex his arm without you noticing.

“Mmm!!! But the red pandas… they are so fuzzy . And im a little scared of the pain.” Squeeze squeeze.

“It only hurts for a little while.” His face felt red and his hand was no longer a fist. “Maybe i can go with you if you decide to do it. My guy did all my ink.”

You jumped and squeezed for a minute before letting go. “REALLY?!? I . Well uh, youll be there if i get scared ?”

Kyo gave you a smug smile as he rubbed his sleve. “Yeah yeah, you can squeeze my hand if you get scared or it hurts too much.”

“Ah yay!!” You pulled your phone outta your bag and handed it to him. It took him a second to realize what you wanted. Kyo put his number in and you took the phone back giggling.

“Kyo! Okay! Ill see you tonight!!!” You waved goodbye leaving the store and Iwa and Kawa ran over tackling Kyo to the ground .

They teased him till he got fed up and pushed them off . They all sat on the floor just taking in the moment. The look on Iwas face was perfect, he was so proud of his friend and Kawa was too but also he wanted to make jokes . Kyo leaned on the register just staring at his rings with a smile. His phone buzzed a minute later and as soon as he read the text his heart fluttered.

“Hi!! Its y/n! Im so excited for you to with me! Ill meet you outside your shop kay?!? ✨✨✨✨✨”

He smiled and replied back.

“Okay sweetie.”

***

Safe to say Kyo was on edge all day , thank god Iwazuimi was there to help customers whenever Kyo shut down and just had that angry look on his face. Oikawa was stuck on stock duty even though he finished a half hour ago . Kyo just gave him odd jobs till he had enough.

Oikawa went over to the register leaning down on it to see Kyo staring at his phone at the text , he shot Oikawa a look and he just had a smug look on his face.

“Is the summer line out …”

“Yep. Did that about two hours ago.”

“Well go fold something.”

“How about you tell me how this girl has you all messed up Mad Dog.”

Kyo looked up, putting his phone down standing up , he grabbed Oikawas shirt and the smug boy put his hands up grinning.

“Its okay to be nervous Mad Dog.”

“Im not...nervous.”

Iwazuimi looked over and hurried to his friends pulling Oikawa back. “Knock it off.” He told him.

“Iwa-chan tell him he cant see this girl if hes gonna get all angry and pouty.”

Iwazuimi leaned onto the register thinking it over, Oikawa was right , as much as he hated admitting it . “Kyo..shitty Kawa is right.”

Kyo turned to his friend and Oikawa walked away feeling accomplished.

“I know she was super happy and bubbly and you were all closed off in the beginning but you let her touch your ink. You have never let anyone touch your ink before. Your not who you were in highschool Kyotani, dont scare her off .”

He leaned on the register looking at the rings on his hands . “I really fucked myself with that attitude i had didint i, im lucky the Sendai Frogs even picked me up when they did.”

“Remember how annoying it was to hear those girls scream whenever Oikawa served the ball?”

“Mhm.”

“Its your chance to stick it too him , that girl paid no attention to him. And she looked really interested in you. Just calm down and breathe.”

Kyo looked over his shoulder to see Oikawa chatting up a punk girl who was not interested. Iwazuimi stretched while he watched. “This isn't his element anymore. Its yours Kyo.”

He rubbed his tattoo taking in a deep breath. “Damn right it is.”

••

8 o clock finally came and Kyo was still inside writing down the weekly income while Iwa and Kawa locked everything up. Business should pick up soon with his new summer line , he was looking forward to the extra money but not the longer shifts. Iwa and Kawa went over to the desk and Iwazuimi took the key from Kyos hand.

“Excuse you.” He said looking up.

“Your dates here.” Kawa said looking over his shoulder.

Kyo got up looking over Kawa to see you outside the door holding a pink shoulder bag . She really showed up..

“We will finish the records” Iwa told him

“Iwa will finish them” Kawa said

Iwazuimi grabbed his shirt preventing him from leaving. “We, will finish the records.”

“Ugnnn…”

“Lock up after.” Kyo grabbed his jacket putting it on , it was light blue with zippers all over it.

Kyo opened the door feeling his heart in his throat, he was nervous but he could do this. What was he so afraid of ?

You turned around hearing the bell and gave Kyo a big hug and a smile. “Hi Kyo!!!”

Oh fuck.

He lightly put his arm around you and you jumped back smiling . “Ready?”

“Y..yep. Yes. My guy does great work.” He said walking with you.

“Whats he like?!?” You asked walking with him happily.”

“Mmm well, hes nice . Likes to sit in his shop all day. Bit of a wise ass.” He looked down to see you looking at his sleeve again. You glanced up and jumped .

“Sorry!! “

“Dont be, i think you love it as much as i do .”

“Ive always liked wolves but everyone told me they were too scary for me to like.”

Kyo smirked walking closer . “Oh yeah? They aren't all bad.”

“I know!” You poked at his arm. “You are really cool so that just proves they arent all bad.”

It took him a minute to register what you said .”i'm flattered sweetie.”

“Tell me about you!”

“Mm..” Kyo rubbed his sleeve, giving everyone they passed the death glare. “I played volleyball in highschool, those guys at my shop played too on the team. I got picked up by the Sendai Frogs for a bit but after awhile i wanted something calmer”

You stopped walking and Kyo stopped looking back to see you with big eyes. “Whats.. wrong?”

“You did professional volleyball?!?”

“Yep. But i wanted to design things , and Oikawa and Iwazuimi came along with me. My tattoo guy was on our highschool team too.”

“Thats.. AMAZING.” You grabbed his arm following him going on and on asking about being a professional and what it was like.”

Kyo felt really nice inside, he even told you about his attitude in highschool and you just thought it was so silly . “What?!? But your so nice and calm now!”

Safe to say his heart grew after hearing that. He squeezed your hand and let go to open the door to the tattoo shop.

“Thank you sweetie, were here.”

••

The tattoo shop had music blaring as soon as Kyo opened the door making you blink a few hundred times.

“Oi Mattsun!! where are you.” Kyo said, lightly pushing you inside so he could close the door. You found yourself clinging to Kyos arm looking all around trying to adjust to the music and this very bright room . It had art Everywhere. Posters, free hand, digital, tattoos, everything. You could not tell what color the walls were. In the center was the stations with a desk to the left when you walked in and a waiting area in the corner on the right.

“Oi!!!!”

“Shaddup! Your ruining the best part!!!”

You looked up at Kyo watching him yell with a huge smile on his face.

“OI!!!!”

“KYOTANI I SWEAR ILL FUCK YOU UP IF YOU DONT-... oh my”

The music cut off and a tall man appeared from the other side of the desk . He was covered in tattoos from neck to ankles. Very spiky black hair and a lip ring with ear piercings . He had on loose shorts and black Vans with his tattoo shops shirt on. He made his way around the desk looking you over then giving Kyo a look.

“Who's this?”

Before Kyo could speak you let go of his arm and jumped in front of him. “Im y/n! Id like a tattoo please!”

Mattsun folded his arms smirking and looked over you to Kyo who was half smirking half trying to figure out why the hell you did that.

“ shes with me Mattsun, “

“Alright alright.” He put his hands uo turning his music back on but at a more bearable level and brought you to his station with a sketchbook. You sat down fixing your dress and Kyo took your bag to hold it . Mattsun snapped a picture and Kyo grabbed his shirt.

“Dont.”

“Too late.! Cant wait for Oikawa to see”

“Fuck you Mattsun”

“Uhm..”

They both looked at you and Mattsun chuckled, swatting Kyos hand away and scooted closer to you in his wheely chair . “Okay Y/n , what would you like hmm?”

“Uhm.. a red panda!”

Mattsun looked at Kyo and then you then Kyo then the art on his walls then Kyo again.

“ what did you bring me.”

Kyo was leaning forward in his wheely chair moving back and forth looking very satisfied with this situation. “I mean if you cant do it ill go to 13 Tattoos down the street”

“Fuck you Kyotani you step one foot in that shop and im never inking you again”

You poked Kyos arm and he looked over at you .

“Uhm.. kyo.”

“Yes sweetie?”

“Youll hold my hand right i..”

Mattsun saw Kyo get flustered for a second and chuckled into his sketchbook while he drew a red panda. Good for you Mad Dog.

Kyo looked down at her hand, he was hesitating. He just needed to grab it. What was he doing? She likes you Mad Dog . His arm inched forward and you placed your hand in his , god the clash with his sleeve and your skin was the best thing hes ever seen. So innocent, fragile, excited. And he was loud, lashed out, swore, pushed buttons… god he loved it.

“Y/n hows this look?” He turned the sketchbook around and you looked along with Kyo.

It was in fact a red panda up on its back legs with its little paws in the air with a happy face and some hearts around it.

“Is SO CUTE !! Kyo kyo look!!!”

“I see it sweetie.” He couldn't help but laugh at the little panda and Mattsun. “Its cute, Mattsun”

“Of course!” He set the sketchbook down and got his gear ready. “Im happy you like it y/n, where would you like it?”

“Oh oh! My arm please the inside a little above my elbow ?”

He smiled scooting closer . “Okay, hold it out for me y/n”

You held out your arm and rubbed Kyos hand with your thumb, he jumped in his skin looking down at you but you were focused on Mattsun drawing the panda on you. He lightly rubbed back on your hand enjoying how soft your skin felt against his thumb.

Mattsun peeled the paper away and picked up his tool, turning it on. “Ready?”

“Yes!..”

“Hold still for me y/n” he leaned forward and started on the outline on your skin.

It hurt, oh it hurt.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz

You can do this y/n

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

“Still got my art on the wall huh?”

Zzzzzzzzzzzzz

“Why wouldn't i? Hows Kawa and Iwa?”

Zzzzz…..

“Same as always. You should see Oikawa strike out at work Mattsun”

Zzzzzzzz…. it was getting hard to keep a straight face..

“That sounds hilarious is he still complaining over the skinny jeans?”

Zzzzz...z.z.z..zzzzz

“God yeah.”

“Ky..kyo..”

he looked up from the tattoo to see you on the verge of tears, you kept looking down and trying to fidget but Mattsun had a firm grip on you. “Stay still for me y/n okay? Don't move”He glanced at Kyo and leaned back to change ink colors then started on coloring.

“Kyo..-“

He reached up with his free hand to cup your cheek and turn your head so you could see him. “Look at me.”

“K..”

“ sshh.. just focus on me okay? Tell me why you like red pandas .”

“ they.. are fuzzy.. i love fuzzy stuff.. and they are troublemakers getting into.. all sorts of things..”

He lightly ran his thumb under your eye getting rid of a tear .

“Dont..dont let go of my hand..”

“I wont Sweetie. What else do you like about them “

“Doing great Y/n, almost done”

“Uhm.. they.. i love red. Its my favorite color. And they like to flop around and tackle each other.. I heard a zoo nearby has them but.. i dont know where.``

“Miyagi zoo, would you like to go sweetie?”

“Y-yes i..” your eyes wandered away from Kyo and he brought you back to him gently.

“Ssh , look at me. Just me remember?”

“Just.. you.”

“Yes sweetie. Youre doing so good.”

“Done.” He wiped the panda a few times and scooted back taking a picture with his phone. “My apprentice is gonna have a stroke. Okay y/n if you wanna go look my mirror is right over by the wall”

Kyo helped you up and wiped under both of your eyes with his thumbs and you smiled up at him holding yourself. “I..i did it..” you choked out a giggle.

“Yes you did. Go take a look .” Kyo told you and let you go. He watched you make your way to the mirror and Mattsun yanked him over to his desk getting behind it to record the order in the laptop. They were quiet for a second .

Mattsun looked up at Kyo, he was leaning on the desk with his arms up on it.

“How the fuck did you meet her”

“She came into my store, Mattsun. Do you see her?”

“Did she buy ANYTHING?”

“She bought the plaid red skirt and the kitten guitar shirt”

“What the fuck Kyotani.”

“Ask Iwa and Oikawa, they could not keep it together.”

Mattsun took his phone out texting Oikawa.

“I let her touch my sleeve, Mattsun”

His friend dropped his phone looking up at this hard and angry punk guy staring at him.

“She told me she thought it was pretty and I let her touch it, every wolf.”

“I did the ink and i can't even touch it”

“Shes just.. i don't even know Mattsun. Shes different.”

“From your usual? Uh yeah i'd say so.”

“ i wanna hold onto her, but i dont know how, im scared ill.. scare her off.”

“Dont be gettin all sentimental on me Mad Dog, if she didint run off from my music, your swearing or your store shes not gonna run off now, she was going to have a panic attack in my damn chair if you didint calm her down.”

“Shut up, im not sentimental.. she was gonna .. cry.”

“God..”

“Fuck you, how much is the tattoo”

“$40 because im feeling nice and its about time you had a girl interested in you”

Kyo took his wallet out and put the money on the desk, “keep the change”

“Oh what a baller.” He teased taking the money and coming around to shove his friend. “Good to see you, lets all get together soon for some beach volleyball “

“Yeah yeah, and fine. But you call everyone , “

“Killjoy.”

You skipped over hugging Kyos sleeve and showing him your panda and thanking Mattsun over and over.

“Of course y/n , happy you like it.” He pat your head.

••

Kyo said his goodbyes and was walking down the street with you , it was 9 at night now and he did not want to leave yet.. you were still hugging his sleeve not talking much .

“Hey..”

“Yes kyo?”

“You told me your name and i've still been calling you sweetie, why haven't you said anything? “

You let go of his arm skipping in front of him smiling. “Well, i like it. Its cute to hear you say it..”

He smirked, rubbing his head trying not to look at you. “Will you laugh if i say i don't want to leave yet.”

You shyly took his hand holding it. “No, I wont. I uhm.. i have class in the morning but.. do you want to spend the night? N-not for uh .. uhm.. i mean.. i.. uh.”

Kyo laughed pulling his hand back bringing you with it, he wrapped his other arm around you. “That sounds nice sweetie, id love too.”

“Yay!! Youll get to meet Mocha!!!”

“Mocha?”

“My kitten!!!”

He sighed down at you giving you a hug and you squeezed him. “Thank you.. for calming me down …”

“Of course. You did great sweetie.”

You giggled, swaying a bit. “Ahh easy my arm kinda hurts heh..”

“Oh right, it will be tender for a week or so.” He held you close keepin an eye on your arm. “You did great , you really did.”

You nuzzled into his chest feeling full of bliss . “Thank you Kyo.”

••

@zoppzoop

@nekxrizawa, @kyovtani thought you would enjoy this !

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for being a younger Avenger and mentoring Kamala

Kamala Khan x reader

warnings: avengers game spoilers, guns

a/n: so excited about this one; i made y/n just a bit older (and gn!) so that they’re in their mid-early teens during a-day! hope thats okie doke! reader has electrokinesis. this accidentally got really detailed

prompt: anonymous: “Hey there! Would you mind writing HCs for the Avengers Game about female reader being a young Avenger (around 17) and mentoring Kamala Khan?”

you were just a kid yourself when you joined the avengers

and you were an inspiration to kids around the world

“does SHIELD think nothing of child labor laws?” -bruce

the avengers became your family

and seeing what you could do...they knew you could handle yourself

and then a-day happened

the day started off so perfect

and the kids went ballistic over seeing you

“y/h/n! look, it’s y/h/n!”

“can i get a picture?”

“hi, guys! of course you can!”

but there was one kid who stuck out among the rest

kamala khan

“you’re the one who wrote about the sewers, right? i freaking loved it! may i just say your art is amazing?”

“r-really?”

“oh, yeah! and the part where you had thor spin mjölnir to push water towards the sewer lizards so i could shock them? genius!”

she could not wait to tell abu about what you had just said

you obviously took a selfie with her and handed her a little pin with your own “icon” on it

but your world got turned upside down that day

the battle was one you’d never forget

and the fighting with your own teammates afterwards would haunt you for years to come

“what do you know, y/n?! you’re just a kid!” -tony

“oh yeah? im one of the only functioning members of this team!”

“everybody calm down. y/n makes a good point, but—” -nat

“thank you”

“...but there’s some stuff you should leave up to us. you really shouldn’t have to take on so much responsibility” -nat

“she’s right, y/n. this was our fault” -bruce

“are you kidding me?! i’m just as guilty as the rest of you, i’m an equal member of this team! for years we’ve dealt with this together, taken the blame together! what’s changed?”

“y/n...you saw what we did out there. that changed everything...” -bruce

you technically were an inhuman, just not terrigen-based

didnt matter to AIM, they took dr. pym for god’s sake

so you had to run, you were on your own for a while

a long while

you laid low for five years, most boring five years of your life

at least you still had your life, though. it just wasn’t what it used to be

but you got a message one day

“‘tiny dancer,’ huh? my moneys on either nat or tony. nah, tony would have chosen ‘rocket man.’”

you couldn’t be sure, maybe it was just a random shield agent...maybe hank pym? god, this was crazy

the message brought you to, uh, cap’s memorial statue

and there was a young girl arguing with a couple of boys...an inhuman!

you hopped in and saved her, she seemed scared

“hey, kid, you alright?”

“y/h/n? is it really you?”

she seemed vaguely familiar

“are you tiny dancer?”

“no, i thought you might be? they sent you here, too?”

there wasn’t much time to chat, AIM was onto you

you two unfortunately got split up for a minute, but you were practically raised by the notorious clint barton and natasha romanoff, and various other spies

yes, you planted a tracker on her

and met her at the bus stop!

“you found me?”

“that i did, kamala. see, i do remember you”

“that is so cool! i mean—not almost getting killed, or the guy with the big head...”

“what guy? you need to tell me everything”

the whole busride was a bit overwhelming. kamala explained the resistance clues, her powers, her undying admiration for the avengers, you name it

but it made you feel good to know that there were people out there that didn’t hate you

“so what was it like? being the teenage avenger?”

“uh, it was...it was really cool. i felt like i was one-of-a-kind. but sometimes people didn’t take me seriously, it was kind of aggravating”

“yeah, no one takes me seriously either...”

“you know, depending on how this all goes, i might be able to give you a few pointers”

“really?! that’d be great!”

once you got to utah...you saw the chimera

it brought back some bad memories, kamala could tell

“you okay?”

“me? yeah, im good. just thinking...okay, well, do you have a plan on how to get yourself across all of this?”

“actually, i do!”

it was kind of creepy in there, but when you laid your eyes on caps shield, you kind of broke

“do you hear something, what it that?”

“...hulk. kamala, you need to get out of here, i’ll catch up to you, i swear”

she didn’t leave in time, so she got to see the greener side of bruce. you chased him back and tried to get bruce back

meanwhile, kamala found AIM troops...oops

bruce cooled off and man was he doing rough

“y/n, is that really you?”

“yeah, its me. surprise. how long have you been the big guy?”

“too long...a few years”

“jesus, im sorry. i’ll be right back, though. some kid brought me here, i gotta go get her. you kinda scared her off”

she was passed out when you got to her

but bruce is a doctor, he’d figure it out

“i could give her a little shock to wake her up, you know?”

“oh, i know. just let her rest for a minute. she needs it”

“right...well im gonna take a look around, maybe go see what i left behind. i could power the place up, but we’re missing some parts to actually get this thing running. best i can do is lights and doors”

you turned the little things on and turns out did leave a decent amount of stuff in here

your first pair of pistols that nat gave you, the gigantic stein that thor gifted you for your 13th birthday, gadgets tony needed an “extra boost” for *bzzt*, a note from cap that just said “good luck, y/n, you’re going to do great!” you cant even remember what it was he was referring to. you just missed him

kamala walked in while you were shuffling around and cleaning the place up

“hey, dr. banner wanted me to come get you. is this your room?”

“that it is, and it’s a huge mess. this is literally all my belongings ever”

bruce had his plan and you just went along, helping kamala out as you go

“baby steps, kam, don’t want you to pass out. but don’t worry, happens to the best of us” -you

“really? you pass out too?” -kamala

“oh yeah, for sure. tell her bruce, remember that time we had thor overcharge me to literally make me an EMP? and tony was busy listening to music so he wouldn’t get out of the blast radius and his armor shut down? so he was out of commission and i had just collapsed from it all? good times”

“y/n, we thought you died” -bruce

this hc is so long omg — anyways you guys ended up finding tony and it was sort of entertaining but he kinda punched bruce and then hugged you

“you got so big”

“shut up, tony”

you kinda harbored some bad feelings since none of the avengers did anything to help you once they started rounding up inhumans (but you still missed them)

getting attacked again

“okay, kamala, remember what i said about baby steps. dont overdo it. i trust you with this!”

“thank you, y/n! uh—oh my god!”

aaaanyways you went to the ant hill to see hank and pick up some supplies, boy was it great to see some familiar faces, then back the the chimera you went to fix it all up

“can you hold that right there for me, kamala? thanks. i think that just about does it. now i have a surprise for you...your own room!”

you helped kamala get it nice and tidy while talking about each other’s lives, she really did remind you of yourself when you became an avenger. excited, scared, underestimated, all of that. and she begged you to share some mission stories, so you obviously did

“you know, if you stick around for a while, you’re gonna have some cool stories, too. maybe even a kickass costume.”

“oh! a costume, ive got that sorta covered. check it out. a burkini, muslim women wear it for swimming and stuff. my mom got it for me”

“love it. soon we’ll find you a fitting name and update the suit, but seriously, this was the perfect way to go. you look great”

“you think so? i don’t know if i feel that cool. maybe i should try something else?”

“if that’s how you feel, you don’t have to stick to it. you can experiment all you want! but i really think you did awesome on this. come on, pose with me! and hey, i like your pins.”

at this point, you’d do anything for kamala, she reminded you so much of yourself. you would have killed for a mentor your age back in the day.

natasha was in fact tiny dancer...called it

“oh, god, y/n. you’re all grown up...im sorry we left you alone. but if it makes you feel better, i always kept an eye on you”

“well, i kind of took on a protégé...she’s like your grand-protégé. kam, c’mere”

after thor finally came back, everyone started fighting again and ditched, it felt so familiar. but you couldn’t leave kamala behind, you swore to yourself that you couldn’t do that.

she was so good for this team

MODOK was defeated (by kamala herself) but there was so much left to do, tons of threats to extinguish, training to accomplish

“y/n, tony won’t turn his dad rock off! he overrode the speakers in my room”

“oh, it’s on. get chastity’s fabric dye and bleach pens. we’re gonna start some trouble”

she gave you a high five one time and nearly broke your arm

sending each other tiny hand memes

“hey, ms. m, how’re your parents? doing okay without their favorite super-daughter?”

“my abu doesn’t stop texting me actually, says my family is super proud of me. it’s a nice change of pace”

you take her on covert missions for field training, it was Educational(tm)

*elevator music playing* “so...what do you want for dinner? i was thinking we could ask thor to barbecue”

sleepovers in her room that just turn into her showing you her superhero merch, listening to music, prank lists, sneaking off to the HARM room for hand-to-hand combat training and power experiments, thinking up new costume designs

“tip: you always need backup suits, you never know what you’re gonna run into out there. one time tony pushed me into a tower of paint cans and they spilled all over me. steve yelled at him for two hours afterwards. worst mission ever, except steve said ‘motherfucker’ and i have never recovered from the emotions of that day”

“wow, i wish i could have been there for that”

“don’t worry, kami, you’ll see some crazy ‘team bonding’ along the way”

she geeks out about captain marvel sometimes

“hey, i’ve got a book carol gave to me about ‘teens taking responsibility.’ you wanna read it?”

“is it any good?”

“i don’t know, i only read the first two pages”

you ended up having a true heart-to-heart with her after one mission when she made a mistake that nearly cost you guys the mission. you told her that not every mission is going to go perfect, each avenger had slipped up in the field, and she had just started, shes not going to be perfect

“i am literally always here if you need anything. i know what it feels like to be a teenager among legends, but trust me, you’ve made it this far and you’ve proven how much of a badass you are. i know you can take anything that gets thrown at you”

kamala said she makes vegan nachos and yeah she makes vegan nachos

you guys have to hide from the rest of the team when she makes them bc they eat ALL OF THEM

gaff (the SHEILD vendor) has you test his gear, you recommend gear to kamala

you were so excited to guide kamala on her journey of heroism

taglist: @ravenmoore14 // @purpleskiesstorm //

[incorrect-hs-quotes]

what are some of mod dave's aus

uhh ok this is a fucking plethora

SO I HAVE!!

HUMANSTUCK - i just imagine this one by default,,, uhh john was definitely born in athens greece. terezis been chinese / korean this whole time idk what youre talking abou-,t-

DEMIGODSTUCK - i Know i have gone into detail about on this blog before. my favorite concepts from this one are greyro ace vitiligo aphrodite son karkat who doesnt feel like he fits in with his cabin cause they make fun of him for being “ugly” and “loveless” and then he comes around and completes a quest and becomes head counselor, and uhhh hephaestus dirk who has pyrokinesis and also loses an arm so now hes got a metal one he built himself

DONT LOOK DOWN - my greyromantic human-collegestuck 18kword banekat fic im writing which ive Also mentioned on this blog before

DEAD KIDS - this is based off a katie alender book called “the dead girls of hysteria hall” please read that book its fucking phenomenal dave is the one who inherited the asylum and all the homestuck girls are the ghosts trapped inside its made my friends cry before when i made them read it hal almost busted out his witch charm and warded me away cause of dead kids

DONT STARVE - where everyone lives in the 1920s and they get sucked into tim burton minecraft island hell and they all gotta survive there (handmaid is definitely charlie. it fucks aradia up cause she Knows. think like winona. she gets one free night without being consumed by the darkness itself cause Family Reasons)

MINECRAFT - this one is where a lot of people are like sentient humanoid half-creatures like sollux is half creeper half human and dont. uh. dont get him mad. also drowned eridan and feferi but theyre not dead or brainless they just be lookin like that. its cool !! you know !!!

MEDIEVALSTUCK - terezi is an oracle of the church except not anymore shes blasphemous and gets exiled and its her and a bunch of friends who are all like “wow the kingdom thought i was weird too lets all have an adventure together”!! examples: dave cant be a knight cause his eyes are red and that means hes the devil. sollux is a mage who specializes in death-related magic so obviously he brought upon this plague. rose is a lesbian thats not allowed also shes a WITCH. kanayas a vampire. shes just a vampire. she proposes to rose with a sword

EARTH INVASION - this is a no-sburb au where the alternian empire came and took over earth as a colony, also all the trolls exist at the same time as the revolution so like the whole vantas family gets to help out, and the humans are taken as like property cause theyre Technically Lowbloods but theyre Not having it so they all escape and join the rebellion and take down the GOVERNMENT

TROLLSTUCK - daves a mutantblood (same idea where all troll generations exist at the same time) and he finds the vantas rebellion and JADE is a LIMEBLOOD and she is NOT having a good time but shshhs shh its ok shes an olive its FINE

BLOOD / KIDSWAP - kanaya is the vantas and she thinks shes so clever cause shes posing as a bronzeblood. there IS sburb in this one. also dave egbert and john harley. love those boys. jade lalonde is a terrifying concept if she ever goes grimdark run away immediately

OPPOSITESTUCK - jade is the main character and she just wants everyone to shut the fuck up. this is also a sburb au and she hates her land its Too Loud. uhh rose is a being of chaos and exists in the void outside of spacetime itself. and john is a little bastard. tavros is now The Antichad. which is a valid ancestor name actually-

CYBERSTUCK - this one is really really specific, uhh its a post-apocalyptic dystopian cyberpunk futuristic humanstuck where the city everyone lives in once flourished with the help of several versions of androids, but as they advanced they needed more and more power which became fucking nuclear and there was a fallout. so now everythings radioactive, everyones scrounging to survive, androids from “the underground” (the main core of where most of specifically the power droids were kept) are SUPER fucking valuable cause theyre able to give you power, and the radioactivity mutated a lot of people so instead of zombies there are just mutants. and roxy is one of them but theyre still sentient so they look like fucking HEINOUSTUCK roxy but theyre still like. vibing

MAFIASTUCK - where everyone does Illegal Things but mostly not like morally illegal things. just like. yknow daves a thief and. sollux is the most wanted anonymous hacker in texas,, uh. dirk commits arson sometimes,. vriska is vriska,.. jane is in on some high key white collar crimes in the crockercorp company,, and poor john is just this normal idiot surrounded by all of this at college and hes like “god. i hate you all. please be normal”

MIRACULOUS LADYBUG - uhh john has a miraculous and its firefly themed and thats his name !! “firefly”!!! his Big Power is like “typhoon” or some shit he can make a big storm Go and serenity the firefly is his little fuckin uhhh Friend. the Miraculous Animal i forgot what it was called

YOUTUBERSTUCK - this ones based off unus annus p much where like theyre all youtubers and thats how they all met like john and dahnte (banes oc, ive also talked about dahnte) are unus annus and dave and sollux are like. good mythical morning and roxy is an asmr channel and kanaya is a makeup tutorial channel and jade has a vlog with her dog and its called doggy vloggies and eridan does all these science experiments and jane has a baking channel and nepeta ,, she just like. does, what she does and people like her. she doesnt have a genre. shes just nepeta on youtube. and shes a fucking hit. also dirk and jake make music

then like i obviously have concept aus that are pretty much just designs, like gemstuck where theyre all . ,, steven universe gems, and then rwbystuck where theyre all at beacon academy and have their own semblances, and a one piece au where theyre all pirates and some of them ate the Big Shit Fruits, and my own flavor of demonstuck cause who doesnt have a demonstuck, and stardew valley stuck (which i call starstuck valley) where a couple of them are farmers on their own respective farms and they all come together amidst the idiot villagers and go “hey did that wizard make you drink that leaf juice soup too or like is that just me”, and a survivalstuck where the whole premise is like. “the forest” kinda game. oh shit your plane went down and youre stranded in the woods. find your friends and survive. maybe dont get near those eight-armed women with no heads. thats a good idea

long story short i have. uh. a plethora

[nctsiren]

Thank you for turning on anon uwu for the ask game thingy can I ask these for all of the girls? daydreams, caress, ivory, golden, freckles, twilight, poppy, clouds, roses, lollipop, dimples, whisper, pencil, honey, velvet, strawberry, kiss, shampoo, lace, sapphos?

hewwo anon!!! thank u for requesting!! i’m sorry it’s late :(( hope you enjoy, nonetheless!! i enjoyed writing it 🥺

daydream-

hyeyoung: “i think i’ll say joan jett or debbie harry!! i admire them a lot, i love their music, and i think it’d be fun to be a rock singer.”

mila: “i think it’d be nice to be beetle. i’ve always wondered how his mind works. being a dog seems cool”

evie was answered in my other post!!

jimin: “seulgi unnie!! i’ve always wondered what it would feel like to be perfect ;)”

caress-

hyeyoung: “i love to snuggle... i like when johnny lays between my legs with his head on my chest. it makes me so happy.”

mila: “yes... but i play hard to get with some of the wayv members. i feel at ease cuddling with ten.”

evie was answered in my other post!!

jimin: “there are hundreds of youtube comps of me being snuggly and affectionate .. i just love my members”

ivory-

hyeyoung: “i wear matching sets. like the pants and the button up shirt? or the silk/satin shorts and matching tank tops. i love cute pajamas, i always have.”

mila: “i usually wear a sports bra and boxers or shorts.”

evie: “big shirt and my underwear.”

jimin: “usually a big hoodie and shorts!”

golden-

hyeyoung: “i cannot choose!! i own lots of stationary, and i scrapbook, as well.”

mila: “i’m not really a stationary person. just gimme some lined paper and i am all good.”

evie: “i love a good pen.”

jimin: “AHH i’m a sucker for the cute stationary cards. i like writing letters and notes”

freckles-

hyeyoung: “honestly, i have a pair of black cigarette pants that i love to pieces. i wear them often- they just go with everything and are so comfortable!”

mila: “i... honestly probably this hoodie i stole from lucas. it’s super big and comfy. if i don’t wear it at certain times i feel like something bad will happen ://“

evie: “i have this big, chunky grandpa sweater that’s striped and i wear it to the point where it might start falling apart.”

jimin: “it’s not really a clothing item, but i’ve worn the lily necklace chenle gave me every day since i got it. and my necklace that’s just my name, jimin, in cursive.”

twilight (this is their best friend outside of the other girls)-

hyeyoung: “i know it’s cheesy, but johnny, for obvious reasons... i’m also quite close to irene unnie, as well as jaehyun and taeyong. it’s hard for me to pick.”

mila: “ten.”

evie: “i legitimately cannot pick outside of the girls... maybe lucas... or yuta... or doyo... i don’t fucking know.”

jimin: “chenle- i’m stuck with him.”

poppy-

hyeyoung: “pink. i’m not even much of a pink girl, but pastel pink is lovely.”

mila: “is... pastel orange a thing? i see it in my mind, but i don’t know if anyone else can.”

evie: “green. green is my favorite color in general, all shades.”

jimin: “lavender and periwinkle are my favorite colors outside of grey and white.”

clouds-

hyeyoung: “it was me alone in a practice room, but the room had large windows in it and it was so light. i was dancing- there was no music playling, but i still was. i felt so happy, and i stopped after twirling because johnny had arrived and he just smiled at me with so much love in his eyes.”

mila: “i honestly don’t remember my dreams, but i remember how i felt during them?”

evie was answered in my other post!!

jimin: “all of my dreams are weird and i don’t have a favorite because they’re too bizarre to enjoy.”

roses-

hyeyoung: “red roses... my late grandma, who was the person i loved most in the world, loved red roses.”

mila: “i think... tulips.”

evie was answered in my other post!!

jimin: “lilies, but not because of my name. my loved ones give them to me because of my name, but i love them because i receive them from my loved ones LMAO”

lollipop-

hyeyoung: “lipstick is my favorite. nice reds and pinks. i never go dark with lipstick- only dark eye makeup.”

mila: “i love ALL makeup”

evie: “i kind of hate wearing makeup, but i guess i’d pick eyebrow stuff.”

jimin: “mascara and blush! i like the heavy blush look.”

dimples-

hyeyoung: “my favorite thing is when i see people’s eyes crinkle when they smile. smiles and lips- oh, lips- are so beautiful.”

mila: “i love the variety of expressions that people can show even in a matter of seconds. i love seeing the range of emotions and thoughts on people’s faces.”

evie: “i love noses. all noses. also, i think facial structures are so lovely and unique. everyone is different.”

jimin: “smiles and eyes. i think eyes are so, so beautiful. i’ve never met anyone with eyes that aren’t beautiful. and smiles are heavenly because seeing a person’s joy written on their face is priceless.”

whisper-

hyeyoung: “i usually get the amount you’re supposed to get. i tend to go to bed earlier and wake up earlier. my alarm is santeria by sublime, like johnny’s...”

mila: “i have horrible, horrible insomnia and only get a very little amount.”

evie was answered on my other post!! ++ she also will sleep through ANYTHING even her alarms

jimin: “i either get too much or too little.”

pencil-

hyeyoung: “i bullet journal to plan, and i also write down the things that make me anxious during the day so that i can reflect and see what i could do next time to sooth myself more”

mila: “lined notebooks full of songs that i keep in a specific drawer. if i need to get out anything, it escapes my mind in a song”

evie: “my journals are 10% words, 90% drawings.”

jimin: “i have my song journals, but then i have my jimin journals which hold every intimate thought or emotion i have ever felt.”

honey-

hyeyoung: “baby or love. those are what johnny most commonly calls me. he likes to call me angel, too, and that really gets me :) .. we also call each other chipmunk.”

mila: “i used to hate being called lala, but now i love it. it’s also cute when evie calls me baozi, because i call her shumai. i also like bun.”

evie’s is answered on my other post!!

jimin: “uhh... baby, minmin (thanks, jisung), i like when people call me flower too 🥺”

velvet-

hyeyoung: “my first crush? i saw kurt cobain when i was little and thought he was the most handsome man i’d ever seen- i listened to a lot of nirvana growing up. a lot of people don’t expect me to like things like grunge or rock, but it’s very much my style!! im just shy and don’t dress to reflect it.”

mila: “i watched hercules when i was really little and became obsessed with meg. yup. it was the classic ‘i just thought i wanted to be her!’ but nope. gay.”

evie: “i don’t remember?! i think it was when i was in secondary school, because i didn’t like anyone for a while. just this classmate... and i was a cringe little fuck.”

jimin: “the first notable one i remember was when i was in second grade... i was reading twilight and fell in love with edward. yes, i was reading twilight in second grade, yes when i got to breaking dawn my mom didn’t let me read part of the honeymoon. i also had a crush on bella, and to this day, i would be in a throuple with robert pattinson and kristen stewart.”

strawberry-

hyeyoung: “cherries and strawberries, because they taste best covered in chocolate.”

mila: “mangos are so fucking good.”

evie: “grapes are arguably the best fruit and gumdrop grapes are arguably the best kind.”

jimin: “watermelon, bitchesssss”

kiss-

hyeyoung: “i mean, my first kiss was with a boy i was friends with when i was in america. we had both smoked a cigarette before it (i just wanted to try it) so it tasted bad. the other guys i kissed i weren’t proper friends with, and then johnny.”

mila: “um, ive kissed evie, like, when we were dating. i havent kissed many people to be honest...”

evie: “i kissed mila, i’ve kissed lily (a friendly peck), i’ve ALMOST kissed hyeyoung, i’ve kissed some of my guy friends and girl friends predebut- so, yes, i have kissed friends. and people who aren’t friends. i just like to kiss.”

jimin: “... sigh. renjun, chenle, evie, The Ex We Don’t Talk About, yeri (friendly, like with evie), and probably a few other friends in a non-romantic way? i dunno”

shampoo-

hyeyoung: “my favorite scent is johnny’s versace cologne, his shampoo, and his skin. definitely roses. i also love my perfume smell, clean linen, and i love the smell of champagne.”

mila: “i like the smell of cigarettes... YES i know it’s bad, but it calms me down. i’d also pick the smell of rain, or beetle, because he always smells good.”

evie: “the smell of paint and pencils is so comforting. i also like nature smells. when the air smells cold, it’s so nice. and the OCEAN.”

jimin: “home-y smells? laundry, and warm smells... lavender and florals, my perfume, and the smell of summer nights and bonfires. also any of my members.”

lace-

hyeyoung: definitely a dress person, is definitely in love with the classiness and sleeves of that first one, and is definitely happy about how sexy she looks in that second one.

mila: is NOT a dress person and prefers dresses that she can go braless with and are comfortable

evie: this is just Evie and we all know it

jimin: the first one is cute on it’s own AND with a big sweater/sweatshirt over it, and the second one make her feel like she on a european holiday

sapphos-

hyeyoung: “jiminnie :) she writes such beautiful poetry- i’m very thankful that she chose to share some with me!”

mila: “i don’t think i have a favorite poet, to be honest... i like kate bush, though, and i know she’s a singer, but she’s truly a poet.”

evie: “michael faudet. he wrote a series of poetry books, his first is called ‘dirty pretty things’ and it’s really 18+ but i thought it was gorgeous. i have all of his books.”

jimin: “asking me to pick a favorite poet is like asking me to pick a favorite member- can’t do it.”

[offtopicoverload]

Any random galaxy thoughts you wanna share? 🧠🧠🧠

so ive been trying to figure out how to answer this for like two days now, and ive got nothing, so im just gonna ramble incoherently about literally whatever comes to mind, but i think thats what you signed up for anyway, so this is on you

im replaying blades rn and nias just the besttttt. i wish more female lis got her treatment, cuz she really wasn't sidelined, like shes fucking there ya know? 

im looking through my ocs birthdays cuz i wanted to include the newbies since heights worked last time, and i totally missed violet’s on the 12th, but olives is soon on the 25th, so thats fun. also love the fact that i accidentally made rue’s valentines day without even thinking about it, and she would hate that, so fun. i also dont have one for izzy cuz i dont think i can get her full chart, the site i used didnt go back far enough for like jupiter and stuff i dont think, but here's the newbies birth charts

Rowan (Second Chance) - 21 September 1999 

Sun - Virgo

Moon - Aquarius 

Mercury - Libra

Venus - Leo

Mars - Sagittarius

Jupiter - Taurus

Saturn - Taurus

Uranus - Aquarius

Neptune - Aquarius

Pluto - Sagittarius

Lilith - Sagittarius

Rising - Gemini

Briar (Late Night Lyrics) - 6 July 1996

Sun - Cancer

Moon - Pisces

Mercury - Cancer

Venus - Gemini

Mars - Gemini

Jupiter - Capricorn

Saturn - Aries

Uranus - Aquarius

Neptune - Capricorn

Pluto - Sagittarius

Lilith - Leo

Rising - Cancer

Oakley (WIP AU) - 26 March 1998

Sun - Aries

Moon - Pisces

Mercury - Aries

Venus - Aquarius

Mars - Aries

Jupiter - Pisces

Saturn - Aries

Uranus - Aquarius

Neptune - Aquarius

Pluto - Sagittarius

Lilith - Libra

Rising - Libra

Rue (Sit and Watch the Hourglass Drain) - 14 February 1992

Sun - Aquarius

Moon - Cancer

Mercury -Aquarius

Venus - Capricorn

Mars - Capricorn

Jupiter - Virgo

Saturn - Aquarius

Uranus - Capricorn

Neptune - Capricorn

Pluto - Scorpio

Lilith - Aquarius

Rising -  Scorpio

my blogs been so empty, so thank you for sending asks and stuff, idk what's going on rn but thank you, you truly are the best aries and i adore you

OH, idk if you play lovestruck, but one of my favourites, nysa, came back yesterday, so thats great, i think i want to write something for her, but it'd be pretty long, so idk. the only idea i have would be to make the time between seasons an actual jump, and to up the stakes, and im not sold on that yet. i already have a million other things to write, but who knows since im entirely unpredictable and unreliable

i think i want to try the thing where you write like everything for a fic, and start dumping out chapters, then i could trust myself not to get distracted, but ALSO, im way too impatient for that, so then were just back at square one, and its getting frustrating and stressful, especially when im not even doing the moodboard thing which was really fun while it lasted

i wanted to make one for allegra cuz ive never seen one for her, but i get why now. i have no idea what to do for her, so i might try again after doing like talia or someone, just to practice

i want to draw rainbow lips. no reason, just want to, and maybe i will

i wish i was better at art, i have this one drawing stuck in my head for months and it'd be so dope to make it, but i suck and cant work on something for very long without getting annoyed about making progress soooooo

maybe ill try traditional stuff again, i always did okay, and maybe i could draw briar or something for you ashfkjddslk

im currently playing a fun game of “am i extra depressed again or just need to get my life together OR do i need to find a new interest?”

but here's the thing. i dont want to find a new interest and abandon all this, i really like it, but litgs super dead, which is just fucking fantastic, and choices is so big and overwhelming, and lovestruck is messy as fuck, so im just hanging out here man. just fucking around

ANYWAY, i wrote a thing, but i dont even know if i can fit it into sawthd, or if itd be a good description, but ima dump it here until i figure it out cuz it kinda vibes, right?-

Do you ever wonder it would be like to to crush something so delicate in the palm of your hand, to watch the glass crack and splinter into shards, to watch them cut your skin like paper, to watch ruby red droplets glitter with the reflections and refractions, sparkle in the light or gleam in the dark? Do you ever wonder how bad it would hurt, for the fragments to slice through you so easily, like a knife cutting butter, a rock splitting waves, a bird parting clouds, a destruction so simple and easy? Do you ever wonder if it would be worth it? If the stinging cuts and splinters stuck in your skin as blood traverses the lines in your palm like water through a river would be worth it, just to watch the fragile remains of something that was once whole sparkle like tiny diamonds, just to watch a million different slivers of yourself staring back at you, just to watch the way everything falls apart, one way or another?

this isn't helping the depression thing is it asdkfjs

[uncannycyke]

What do you think has been the worst Dawn of X book so far

90% have bad qualities but i think johnathan hickman’s x-men takes the cake

x-men: no plot. its been over a year and there is NO plot. we’ve had huge ideas introduced then never touched on or followed up on since ie: laura synch and darwin stuck in the vault, scott and kurt discussing if they are who they really are or just are soulless clones, the child murder cult rituals, kurt starting a new religion, mystique burning down krakoa. plot concepts are introduced then its like “ok onto some nonsense” instead of following up or even hinting or touching on them ever again. the concept of vulcan living with the summers is bizarre since most hate him and wouldnt forgive him out of nowhere --they’re all soooooo out of character it drives me nuts. everything about this book is vague and non conclusive. its annoying at this point. 

how in the world is this your flagship title??????????

though im also not super a fan of:

x-force: boring. the concept introduced that resurrection on krakoa is fucked and messes with your mind (aka domino’s plot) is interesting but its not really touched on. watching cecilia reyes brutally get murdered then everyone going “who cares we’ll bring her back” was also not fun for me. quentin/phoebe...percy deserves jail time for that asdjnfmk. also the jogan scene and confirming jogan are in fact, together, was awful.

x-factor: its....only just started so i feel bad disliking it but lorna and akihiro are bizarrely out of character. so its...not been my fave. though i appreciate FINALLY having explicitly gay characters in a dox title and that they can openly say “yes im bi”

excalibur: this is so boring. i saw “incursions” get introduced and rolled my eyes so hard i was like ok here’s the “new avengers 2013″ plotline we’re stealing this week. also wtf is up with betsy and why is she so boring now?? she’s so out of character. remy is....boring and so is rogue. rictor im worried about but breaking up ricstar off panel earned some ire from me </3

new mutants: what is this book even about anymore. im still sad we have a NEW MUTANTS BOOK and dani and karma have been untouched. use them.

cable: FUCK if there was a runner up fr worst book it’d be cable. jail time for duggan for writing cable as the worst character ive ever read. and also having scotts kid date emma’s kids and he said he “knows what he’s doing” and im like???? but scott/emma have been hinting to maybe be dating rn so unless you want me to think this is a weird cult, you’re not succeeding at whatever u set out to do, bro.

marauders: the repeated antisemitism jewish fans have pointed out is BAD and alone earns my ire. but also ignoring storm has been so lame. its just so.....cringe. this book is cringe 24/7. i want freedom from it.

wolverine: boring. and for ben percy who claims to be such a big logan fan why does he write him so terribly ahsjdnfm. his speech patterns, inflictions are all wrong. not to mention the canon facts about this dude that are just wrong constantly in this title.

[skips-is-asleep]

Ranking All The Sollux Ships In Character Order

Firstly i wanna make it clear that i headcanon sollux as bisexual (fucking obviously) so genders not a factor in any of my reads of the ships

June/Sollux: This one’s really crack-ey. I used to be super fucking into it but now it’s like…only good in theory i guess. 3/10

Rose/Sollux: Pale? Perhaps. Ive seen some good stuff for them pale, it’s pretty interesting to think about, especially considering how similar he is to Dave and how THEY get along together. 4/10 Potential

Dave/Sollux: Like i said, i read sollux and dave as pretty clear character parallels. Dave might get a kick out of verbally T-Bagging him but i think Sollux would quickly get annoyed, perhaps a spur of the moment pitch fling? maybe theyre pitch friends with benefits but only very rarely and sollux cant stand him any other time? All good ideas! 5/10

Jade/Sollux: I could definitely see it! Theyre first meeting has them hitting it off pretty well, I think sollux would really like her, but i dunno if she’d really like him all that much. 5/10

Aradia/Sollux: Timeless, literally. Flavor is immaculate. I prefer them pale FOR SURE, and i always have. Ive never read any of their relationships, chemistry, or conversations as THAT kind of romantic, but i think its super valid for people who do read it that way 12/10

Tavros/Sollux: TavSol is SO UNDERRATED. It’s SO CUTE. Tavros would be comfortable enough to sass Sollux just right and sollux would be taken so off guard by it, he’d find it hilarious, like a baby saying a swear word. They’re fidusspawn buddies, theyre Friend’s with Aradia Buddies, like theyre actually so fucking cute, open your eyes 6/10

Karkat/Sollux: Do i have to talk about this one. Do i have to– Okay so This is Actually The Best Sollux Ship Ever Ya;ll are Wrong About Everything And I Am Right 20000000000000000/10

Nepeta/Sollux: I dont have a lot to say about this one. Does anyone? I dont know a lot about nepeta and i dont have any friends who love her, so i could only guess if she’d actually want to get along with him, or if his personality would be offputting to her. Then again, she canonically had/has a crush on karkat, so maybe sollux’s Ability To Respect Women would make him look appealing. Maybe she’d ask him for advice on how to ask out karkat and hed WANT to give her bad advice because he wants to piss off and embarrass karkat, but nepeta just looks so innocent and genuine in her feelings, he can’t bring himself to do it 5/10

Kanaya/Sollux: Pale, obviously and WOW, top notch. Theyre very very good friends, good moirails, she mothers the hell out of him and he does little errands for her. She taught him how to mend his own clothes so he can do it himself and not depend on her, but they still do it together. Also if you read that one really dumb fic i wrote, i headcanon that they have tea parties even though sollux doesnt like tea 8/10

Terezi/Sollux: Pale again, very VERY cute. Writing this fic was so much fun, i loved how they interact with each other here. And in the comics, he’s so  surprised that she calls him cool like “oh my god she thinks im cool” AndD WHEN HE WENT BLIND SHE WAS THE FIRST PERSON HE WANTED TO TALK TO THATS SO CUTE WHY DONT MORE PEOPLE SHIP THIS 8.5/10

Vriska/Sollux: sound byte of that clip from Weird Al’s “I’ll sue ya” Do i even need a reason?? 0/10

Equius/Sollux: Okay ya know what, THIS IS A GOLDMINE yall are SLEEPING on equisol. My friends cannot get me to stop talking about this, but i dont think ive had the opportunity here to talk about it. Imagine Equius just flat out not believe that sollux is at all capable as a psionic bc he’s so scrawny and wimpy, and even when sollux grinds his teeth into the pavement, it still frustrates him that he could be so much STRONGER if he put the effort into it, “You could be strong in TWO WAYS, sollux” and yeah that does sound appealing to him, but seeing equius get so fucking mad that he’s not ripped but is still able to knock his ass down is so funny it’s almost not attractive. He definitly doesn’t tell people he has a pitch crush on equius, ESPECIALLY NOT KARKAT ARE YOU KIDDING and threatens equius at gun point not to tell anyone because could you image, suave, cool, adorkable, gets all the ladies sollux is in a kismesistude with EQUIUS, GOD. Have ya’ll even read that paradox space comic with the two of them i swe– 9/10

Gamzee/Sollux: That same fic i linked earlier is also a pretty good interaction between them that i like? Sollux just. Cannot stand him. At all, and it’s so funny. Maybe it’s a little, tiny tiny bit pitch, he just wants to strangle him in a way that’s not ENTIRELY platonic cause maybe he’s kind of hot in a deranged  clown way? 5/10

Eridan/Sollux: Wheres the flavor? i dont taste anything, nutmeg, cinnamon, I don’t tast–No but for real, no offense to fellow homestuck old fans, erisol is kind of trash. I ADORE them when theyre beating each other within an inch of their lives. Like, sollux dropping a mall on Eridan as a “warning” and eridan shooting at him in the sky is GOLD. I prefer erisolkat, perhaps when eridan and sollux are stuck alone for way too long and have to “pass the time” somehow, and by pass the time, see how many times i can stab you before you pass out, and karkat has to take the knives away 4/10

Feferi/Sollux: This one is good, an old classic, but @zeldasoft-art made a really fucking funny post about what if they’re only pretending to date each other to piss eridan off and i lost my fucking marbles 8/10

Jane/Sollux: im not even gonna– 0/10

Roxy/Sollux: hacker buddies, tech buddies, computer buddies. Like if rivalry and one-up-manship, typical kismesis behavior had a red/pale counterpart. I feel like they’d have a lot of fun making projects together  and contests but they wouldnt be that mean or violent.

Dirk/Sollux: This is. A little bit of a guilty pleasure for me. This is basically equisol, but dirk is mean to sollux in sollux’s brand of mean, and shares sollux’s sense of humor. Imagine the two of them getting into hard roasting each other, getting more and more mean with insults until Sollux tries to make a move on him and that last insult hurt a little hard so dirk gets a little pouty or misty in the eyes cause you don’t diss a man’s MLP collection dude, those got him through a lot of rough times. The fact that dirk made Hal at all makes him like 50% more attracted to him 8/10

Jake/Sollux: He would love bullying him, so much. I dunno if there’s any romance in it or if he just hates jake in the not fun away and wants to make him cry 3/10

[mxbitters]

Can you post photos of the stuffed animals? 🥺 Or at least your favorites?

bro you’re in luck you get to see ALL OF THEM(or at least everything i can see without getting out of bed yet). this is gonna be EXTENSIVE. names if applicable and lore will be under the photos :)

simba!! this dudes 10 years older than me but he’s just vibing, this dudes probably the oldest stuffed animal i have and like the longest time ive had one but it never occurred to me til now!

i’ll go left to right top to bottom here.

1. batman aka the only dude i ever won at an amusement park. it was six flags and that game where you spray water at the target by the way

2. you can’t see him but he’s a panda my friend got me two years ago, he doesn’t have a name yet because im bad at names. you wouldn’t think he’s newer though because i hug that one a lot so he’s been very loved :)

3. this dude’s name is applefur :’) i’ll just leave it at i lowkey had a warrior cats phase as a kid. he’s one of the dudes i had back when like. i was a kid playing with toys,, he has a very happy personality i love him very much

4. (first on bottom) patti, a mysterious friend of mysterious origins. no seriously i can’t remember where i got them. a thrift store maybe????? they’re a friend though. what i like about beanie babies (and certain webkinz like applefur) is that they can fit in a big pocket so you can take them on adventures :)

5. bucky!!! we went on vacation to new hampshire one year, everybody hated it except me! i’d pick new england mountains over any fuckin beach any day. i love it. anyway that being said his name was in honor of a different vacation moment. last summer we went to virginia, this specific place was like crawling with deer (which was wonderful!!! the only thing i liked!! well ok the arcade too but..) and i had a moment getting really close to a deer. like within a few feet.. i heard someone yell and thought i was in trouble but the dude gave me a carrot. this deer’s name was bucky and he was a regular, people just fed the dude. of course i had to put it on the ground for him to pick up but it was still super nice :) bucky is a good friend

6. i don’t think this dude has a name?? i’m pretty sure he too was a thrift friend. mysterious lad but another pocket adventurer if i’m wearing my super big denim jacket :)

same arrangement as last?? i guess??

1. i’ll sometimes call this dude mumble like in happy feet but i don’t think any name’s specifically stuck?? they’re such a joyful penguin though.. :) 🖤

2. i. i don’t know their name. an insurance company gave my middle school a bunch of stuffed dogs with their logo on it so i just. got two? i don’t know where the other dude went.. :( my edgy “i hate everything and i don’t respect stuffed animals” phase was in 7th/8th grade and i am not fucking proud of it. he’ll turn up though..

3. ehh since they’re so tall LOLA! my slightly possessed friend here makes an excellent pocket buddy and they’re v soft like a lil kitten and sometimes i will just. deadass talk to them as i go through my thought processes which is fun.. i love lola :)

4. this friend i believe was a gift from my gramma, she’s got a big hole near her foot though so i need to patch that up :(

5. he doesn’t have a name either (y’all are welcome to suggest names for my nameless friends by the way!!!) but was a gift from my sister a few years back :)

6. tracker! i literally do NOT know where he came from he just turned up in the house one day and nobody claimed him so of course i adopted the lad,, sometimes i still wonder though,,,,,

this is a really bad picture but everybody was falling!!!

1. sammy! like samson because the wild was a movie i really liked growing up, i’m,,,,using him like a pillow as i do this :’)

2. (horse friend) i think i started calling him rusty because of this horse i met who was lovely handsome and stepped on my foot once?? wait shit my writing teacher named him....oh fuck i forgot the name i’ll get back to this......this dude was totally my stuffed unicorns boyfriend.. where is that unicorn i gotta find them so they can reunite 🖤

3. beagle hidden behind everyone! i sometimes would call her jessie because growing up i had a beagle named jessie and she was like a mama dog,, she’d always look out for me. but like i don’t think they should have the same names so bear with me and offer suggestions if you want I guess??

4. chip! a lovely cat friend with those ghibli cat ears ☺️ i can almost guarantee she’s a thrift friend

5. (polar bear 1) fritz! my writing teacher named him, he’s just vibing out man,, v good pocket friend as well

6. (polar bear 2?) never named them, they got a heart they’re holding though and were a gift in a middle school secret santa from a friend who i guess might have liked me?????? we were weird kids who knows

7. scooby doo but you can’t see him :’) his origin is another mystery on our hands

8. (another horse friend) i guess his names oklahoma?? my dad used to go on a lot of business trips so would sometimes get souvenirs for us. this dude was mine,, he held my phone while watching the g interview yesterday, he’s nice :)

9. cinders! fell in love w him at a fair once and couldn’t leave without him his face is the epitome of joy!!!!

(pardon my homosexual posters)

easily we got cheer bear, who was collectors edition but too soft to keep in the box, and funshine! funshine here was based off this movie which in retrospect was slightly traumatizing, he can still sing a song from the movie if i turn his box thing on though! it’s called “all i wanna do is make ‘em laugh” or something like that!! the full movies on youtube if you want that experience

the owl doesn’t have a name, i’ve only had them for like 5 months (short time when the days fly by ok??) but they’re a generous defender. then there’s swiftheart rabbit but they’re my mom’s and i don’t want to damage them even though it hurts :( oh! also g masterfully displaying his creation— jumba style!!!

this pug friend doesn’t have a name, he was also a gift from my sister though! he barks if you squeeze him! it’s given me many heart attacks at night. and then this reindeer lad.. his name miiight be dasher which is a nod to my emotional support gerard way song??? but i can’t remember and don’t wanna guess..

OH also rainbow dash :)

—

anyway that’s everyone i can see right now but i hope you weren’t bored to death i enjoyed this almost hour talking about these friends and will proceed to actually get up now :D thank you for asking!!!!!!

[purge-that-urge-rhackathon]

Hi hun! I'm sorry things are rough for you right now. You shouldn't ever feel like that (nor should you ever feel like this isn't a safe place for you to vent). From what I've seen after following you for quite a while, you are endlessly supportive of everyone you come across on this site and deserve that back. I was getting into writing this message (had why you are great points and was ready to write up support arguments) but tumblr cut me off before I could get too sappy. In short, love you!!

hahaha well i super appreciate it thank you! i also super auper appreciate the fact i CAN vent here at all and retain some (relative) anonymity vs ya know fb ♡ i just dont get it, this isnt the way i was raised so why do my prents act this way? why didnt they listen to me over a yearback when i said the cat had tumors and they didnt wanna spend the money to check but at the end they were ready to do ANYTHING it took (we dont even go to the doctors ourselves... thanks amierica) and now dad is SUPER dep[resed over ‘killing’ the cat (it was mercy, i know for a fACT It was but he wasnt unable to use the litterox or jump ike the cat we had to put down last year...the sweetest cat too, I had to be doctor death because my parents couldnt do it and my poor younger siblings (im eldest) couldnt do it) so i had to be the one to technically kil him and that has stuck deep with me, i dont deal with death the same way other people do, i know i dont,, and he was so scared and cried when we brought him and he peed in the cat carrier and i didnt want to do it i wanted to go back home with him, and i made my siblings swear nt to tell my grieving parents, and then THIS cat couldnt been avoidable but they didnt listen to me and now he had to be put down and just im frustrated over what didnt need to hapen even with a 20yr old cat had they LISTENED To me im just upset about a mutlitude of things but htak you for putting up with my venting and nonsense.

i know it makes people feel weird and awkward, and some feel olbgated to say something (plz never do! i would hate to put things on others or emotionally manipulate anyone in any way, i just want to vent nd know it had been ackonlwgned i guess) and i just dont underatand why peopel dont listen (esp. my parents).

I mean, i am the ONLY one of my entire extended family to ever go to colege nd complete a degree. I was technically a diplomat in japan. I have the brain skills to be a CIA operative. i speak and understand mutliple lanagues (i wanna get to ten) and other than that, we grew up homeless until i was about 16? maybe 13 i dont etirely recall, but i have street skills as well and i have live din two foreign countries (cant see the forest through the trees and all that) and yet my opinions still count for shit, or my relaive youth (im over 30, letys make that official i am no child) but my dad keeps saying i dont have the years he has (and i NEVER will while hes alive its a moot point) but my paents are xenophobves and ive WORKED for a foreign givenemnt and lived in two foreign countries but im a woman and bisexual and this goes against everything they undersand as normal, and then where the poor cat is concerned like im not a doc, i got a BA not a BS, so my opinons count for shit, and i just want everyone to be nice qnd take proper action with things and not cause others pain and have empathy towards those who have less (i grew up homeless and we were poor until maybe five-7 years ago?)) and just everything huRTS SO MUCH and i am TRYING so goddamn hard all the time but im ultimately at my parents mercy (i live at home because california is too expesive to live in a real9tively safe place alone) and work is fucking me and im trying so damn hard to be a good person and do whats right and help others when i wouldve wanted help and just looking at the bigger picture and it just hurts because there is no room for good in the world o matter how hard you try and every time i try to gte ahead i just for balls .

The good part is, i have two kittens who will be one year come april(or march i dont remember) and my kitty Scratches LOVES me just for me with no other expectaton, so i mean, i have that much. Basicallt i am just really really hurting and i will probably bounce back in full force rather quickly after this pity party but i am very grateful for the chance to vent and also feel heard so to speak, ya dig? :D

ANyways, thank you anon, i love you, you rock, and sorry for alk the serous spelling errors, i am on my 8th beer of the hour trying to hurt myself and/or make the pain go away BAHAHAH XD aint working yet but i havent brought the weed into the mix yet..... that usualy makes me happy. The xanqx stopped the full blow paic attack over helpless feeligs i am powerless against, but i am not happy but trying to get comfortably num. I am on my 8th beer of the hour tho so HEY lets see!! XD

...i am  a mess. DISCLAIMER do not try any of this at home, i am a 30something queer sad sack with adhd and panic disorder who no loger destoys items but instead tries to destroy herself becaus eit will hurt no one but me LOLOOL

....also i feel SUPER guilty about waiting to update ALL sales final and also the new commission i need to get done solike, bear with me, i am trying SO fucking hard right now and i feel like i am supr letting everyone down but i will get there i promise! I will probably be riht as rain tomorrow and i am sorry for ,lll the maudelin nonsense i know plenty of you are not interested and we wil back to our our regularly scheduled bullahit after i bury it all haha

much love, posonjack

[the-sanders-sides]

inidan american (desi) logan

a sequel to this post because people asked for more and i decided that they shall receive (and also i love writing these)

fair warning, logans a bitter kid, and this isnt as positive and happy as romans post. ive experienced two different ways of being desi, one where i lived in fully asian and indian community and didnt even think id ever feel alone, and another where i moved to a place where i havent met another desi in like 7 years of living here in a 3 hour driving radius. in romans post i played into my first experience and how at home i felt. in the second experience, the one im in right now, i am much more bitter about who i am and not really knowing anyone who gets it anymore. so i play into that A LOT in this. so keep that in mind. (and he will get happier in a future part. m planning on making this into a series)

ok so first off. his name is logan sanders. people (mostly other indians) dont believe him when he tells them. he tells them they dont know indian history. they say they do. he tells them that the british fucked around (quite literally) in india for four centuries so of course english names would stick with that precise wording

sometimes when he’s annoyed enough and doesnt want to explain this for the millionth he defends himself with this russel peters skit (watch it, it’s hilarious) because it describes his family. to a T. 

he grew up in a community with not very many asians, and knew no indians outside his family so he felt a sort of disconnect to his culture

while his grandparents and parents would teach him about indian culture, he felt so distant from it since he knew no one outside his family who was indian, and since he didnt have any siblings or any nearby cousins to hang around with

he had visited india once but he was too young to remember it properly or too remember his cousins

the closest mandir was an hour away so that also limited the amount of indian kids/people he knew

he barely knew hindi because everyone in his family spoke english, especially in public

he felt guilty over the disconnect he felt and would always try to bridge it but would never accomplish this because it he kept losing passion since he rarely saw other people like him in the real world and in the media and he didnt see the point of trying

this all changed in eight grade when he moved next door to the Kumar family in a north indian street of some south asian blocks in an asian community

when his family first moved, the Kumar family invited the Sanders over to welcome them

it turns out the Kumar’s had a son who was the same age as logan

“hi logan! im rohan kumar! but i like going by roman instead of rohan!” 

this introduction pissed logan off 

he was seething because why would this kid who got to have an indian first AND last name change his name to an english one! why didnt he see the value of his name!

he knew right away that such a difference meant they could never be friends 

“im logan sanders, but thats all youll get to know about me because i see no use associating myself with someone as... well, ignorant, as you”

roman decides to whip out one of the swears his cousins taught him and whisper shouts “who are you calling ignorant, bhenchod?” 

 it became clear to him that this was new turf, and people on this new turf must be speaking hindi. and that he was the ignorant one if he couldnt talk in hindi. he made a vow to learn it as fast as he could to make sure this roman kid wasnt better than him

but, logan grits his teeth and says “you, and i know it must be true because you were too dumb to understand me the first time”

this evidently struck a sore spot in roman because he didnt fight back but just stalked away. logan smiled slightly, happy to have won that argument

logan asks his grandpa to teach him hindi and his grandpa gets super excited

they start lessons immediately and despite barely hearing it growing up, it’s as if his brain was made for this because he picks the language up amazingly fast and in a months time, while not able to speak back yet, he can understand most casual conversation

his first diwali in basically little india is the most magical thing ever

diwali at his old home was very quiet because there wasnt anyone around to celebrate with

everyone is so happy in this new home however. everyone is dressed up and all the houses are lit up and there are diyas everywhere and he doesnt want to admit it but the kumar’s have the best rangoli on the street and it’s because of roman and he knows roman did it because sometimes he’d stare out of his bedroom window while doing homework and have a perfect view of roman delicately working on it for two weeks

(the kumar’s front porch had been covered with tarp waiting for diwali to make sure romans precious rangoli wasnt stepped on or ruined. when it’s finally let up, everywhere where there could be art, there is. it’s insane how good at colors roman is, logan thinks)

diwali morning: 

he fights his parents because he doesnt want to miss school for diwali because americans dont have a day off for it. his parents set the clocks in the house ahead to make him think he overslept so he would skip school. (logan didnt know that his parents had submitted an excused absence form for religious reasons and that the school was very understanding. he thought it would be like his old school where he wouldnteven bother trying since he wasnt christain and the school was lkinda discriminatory)

they spend the morning in mandir and it’s nice. for once he doesnt feel different from his peers because he goes to mandir and not church or synagogue. he feels at home.

diwali afternoon:

the afternoon is spent with frantic cleaning and cooking and digging around for the diya’s that were still in boxes, packed away from when they moved

logan offered to find them all to continue with a diya science experiment he started two years prior. his theory was that the diya’s were multiplying and there were more each year despite no one buying anymore

this held true, because even though he could only find half of their diya collection, it was somehow more than the entire diya collection of two years prior. 

diwali evening:

theres a big potluck and everyone in the neighborhood is out talking to each other, looking at the decorations at everyones houses, eating samosas, and playing with sparklers. 

logan feels content

he makes a new resolve to learn more about hinduism. if this is what ti was supposed to be, then he never wanted to be away from hinduism. 

he looked at the metaphors and symbolism in everything and finally understood what his dad meant he told logan that hinduism is just science written in poetry and that string theory is written in the ancient texts

middle school in this new town is so much better than middle school in his old home. why?

a. doesnt get bullied for being a nerd

b. doesnt get called gay slurs 

c. the classes are harder 

d. much less racism

e. all of the above

soon enough, logans asking his grandpa to teach him how to cook Indian food

Logan spends the day burning dosas and making lopsided rotis

(eventually he gets the hang of it, and a he'll be cooking food for an infuriating Indian boy ;) ;) psst it's roman)

Speaking of boys

Coming out isn't an option for logan

He knows that his parents arent really religious enough to really look into hinduism and see that no, gays are not bad

But they are traditional and conservative enough to be homophobic

not homophobic as in spewing hate with the westboro baptist church at a pride parade

But homophobic as in "the gays are fine as long as they don't do it in front of me" kinda thing

So Logan stays quiet

the closet kinda sucks but i mean what can he do

it’s safer inside, and he as illogical as wishing is, he wishes that people would use their brains and realize there’s nothing wrong with gay

anyway

in school logan makes his first desi friend, who was dubbed as anxiety years ago and cant seem to get rid of the nickname and now has a whole complex about his name so logan doesnt know his name

logan and anxiety meet in the school library: logan studying and anxiety hiding

people dont like anxiety

especially non-indian kids

surprise surprise it’s an old buddy called racism, but anxiety’s story is for another time

(but even though no one really likes anxiety, whenever racist shit goes down, it has to go through roman)

so logan and anxiety become fast friends

and they make fun of roman (a+ bonding)

logan claims that roman is a hypocrite for changing his name to an english one while being so immersed in indian culture

anxiety doesnt dispute this, but says he has a past with roman

a past that involved getting stuck with the name anxiety

again, another story for another time

one day, when logan and anxiety are eating lunch they see roman destroy some homophobes who throw around the word f*g and keep calling caitlyn jenner, bruce jenner

logans chest surges

he’s all like “what?? emotions?? pride at roman?? is he better than me for being so open and standing up for what he believes in??”

gay panic basically

but logan masked it well and pushed it away

the next day roman comes to school with a pride patch on his jean jacket

logan feels like he cant breathe

logan is supremely jealous of roman.

he can be gay in peace

he can pretend not to be indian in a way that benefits him

and he’s not affected by stereotypes in the same way?? like what does this kid not have

and by stereotypes i mean

roman is the complete opposite of all indian and desi stereotypes: loud, flamboyant, theatrical

logan’s personality is exactly how the stereotypes are. he’s nerdy and likes science and math and it seems like he cant escape the stereotypes. they follow him. and he feels guilty that he likes science and math and is nerdy. 

as illogical as it is, he wishes he was different from how he is

but logan later learns that there are more than just his perspective on being desi and that every desi kid growing up faces challenges about it that are different than his, causing them to experience being desi differently

and logan will accept that, in another story at another time

for now, he’s just bitter. and as illogical as it is, he wishes the world was better

and now, i shall tag some people who asked to be tagged and some other desi’s who loved this because i feel like you guys might appreciate this too. also i love u. desi famders squad up.

@sssixeyedrunt @ultimate-queen-of-fandoms2 @caterpiller-tea @xxxbladeangelxxx @snufflesthegrim227 @cloudchaser7 @thelowlysatsuma 

[shewasanamericangirl]

ok it’s time for me to FUCKING SCREAM about kamen rider zi-o episode 35 because there was a lot of good shit in it! many many screencaps under the cut.

so our dramatic opening scene right away made me think of kamen rider ryuki--a convict doing time for murder, frustrated with being stuck in a cell, receives a surprise visit from a shady individual offering the power of a kamen rider.

hora and tsukuyomi both have such dope manicures? can 2068 be all that bad if standards of living are still high enough to have pretty nails?

then woz begins the intro IN THIS PINK SWAN BOAT spying on yuko and tetsuya

apropos of practically nothing. he’s in the cute pink swan boat, by himself, watching a cute couple from a distance like a creepy loser.

now, im used to woz being Dead Serious About Everything but idk if ive ever seen a phrase like “first love” uttered with such a sense of gloom.

junichiro will make such a good bride someday. preferably mine. marry me junichiro.

this whole apple pie scene is the CUTEST SHIT EVER. i love that geiz and tsukuyomi are so close that he knows silly stuff like this?? and look at that HAPPY “i just took a bite of amazing apple pie” look on her face

look at this beautiful girl enjoying her pie. blessed image. tsukuyomi is such a cutie. so kissable.

look at this beautiful boy enjoying his pie. he is barely holding back the urge to stand up and IWAE. do it, woz! give junichiro’s baking the recognition it deserves!

the forbidden ship is alive and well 👀

he probably gets too little sleep as it is with all these nerds’ shenanigans day after day. let junichiro sleep!

sougo, trying to sound profound, utterly destroys the mood

woz has been slamming that pie so hard that he starts choking when sougo brings up the subject of love

geiz: unable to process that this actual baby boy child has, in fact, discovered girls at the young age of 19 years

tsukuyomi: supportively tending to her verklempt friend who has inadvertently inhaled his pie

look at this fucking chad. sougo, nobody’s questioning that you have time for romance. all you do is sleep and be a kamen rider.

geiz being surprisingly genre savvy for a defrosted ice queen

sougo: smitten kitten

junichiro, geiz, and tsukuyomi: “that’s...it?”

woz: got over his coughing fit sometime during the flashback and is now SHOVELING that pie

sougo confirmed neko. im sorry fellow shippers, you’ve been writing your zi-o smutfics all wrong.

silence junichiro you are in the presence of a certified pussy slayer

this screenshot is good for many reasons

woz acting all chummy while sougo looks awkward as hell

the pie stuck to both their faces

you can barely see it in this picture but the big blob of pie stuck to woz’s right thumb

more than a few men have fallen too im sure right woz?

oma zi-o confirmed manwhore

yuko knows what’s up; if you’re gonna be queen, you gotta start with a full on spa treatment so you look your hottest.

yuko is another character with unusual powers that don’t come from being a kamen rider

superhuman sense of smell (along with the ability to identify slight nuances in scent)

super strength (she stopped that car with her foot)

exceptional observational/inductive ability

i love when she points

me, easily distracted by colorful shit

i fear for our future if the overlord of space-time is so easily won over by a good chin scritchin’

boy oh boy do i want them to kiss and boy oh boy do they hate each other

kanesaki practiced for this

no sougo. no no no. do not be this dumb. i’m not saying she’s guilty--i don’t think she is--but a crush you had back in elementary school is by no means evidence that yuko would not commit murder. did she or did she not attempt to kill that lawyer right in front of you?

i feel you woz...my crush is thirsty for yuko too...

thank you, geiz, for reality checking sougo

more cooler point this time

sougo idk if you’re thinking with your dick chin or just being a fucking pollyanna but you need to snap out of it right this minute. yuko is dangerous. im pretty sure she doesn’t even remember who you are.

listen to geiz! not only does he know a thing or two about vendettas, but he looks cool pointing at people too!

hers is a good face and does not deserve such violence

sooner or later, yuko is going to wind up somewhere that she isn’t close to a manhole. when that happens, she’s gonna be in trouble!

add retrocognition to the list of sougo’s abilities. i wonder how it’s triggered? but enough of that. EARTH TO SOUGO, GEIZ NEEDS YOUR HELP

something something, ginga looks cool as fuck but i didn’t wind up taking any screencaps. i’m digging his retro-ish design, deep purple, and pretty attack SFX. can’t wait for woz to get that power hohoho

sougo could you please use your words instead of just yanking your friends into your fusion? that’s not cool my guy.

the synced movements between trinity’s suit actor and the three personalities within is awesome. now if only they were in better sync with each other.

you said it girl

error? im glad they let yuko’s actress change into some sensible shoes for the purpose of stomping around on rocks 😂

and now, the preview! why all the groveling? zi-o squad and time jackers alike? weird to see the future king kneeling lower than anyone else, even given how highly he clearly thinks of yuko. it feels almost sacrilegious to see black woz bowing down before someone other than sougo, too. 👀 not surprised that hora and geiz aren’t feeling too reverent.

sougo, if yuko needed an umbrella, she’d just kick up another manhole cover and hold it over her head.

kiva, schmiva--we get ginga woz AND an iwae next week! yaHOO!

and some thoughts:

i’m usually reallllly not fond of when a character we’d never heard of last week suddenly has a main character crushing on them (her, always a her) this week but i like how it’s been handled so far. junichiro, geiz, and tsukuyomi are very aware that sougo still fixating on his first crush from childhood is Not Healthy (and a clear symptom of how friggin lonely sougo has been.) woz’s response to the matter seems kind of mixed--maybe he’s more focused on when he gets to eat his next slice of pie than his overlord’s love life, lol

i wasn’t sure what to think of yuko, but i’m enjoying her arc so far! she’s a determinator villain who’s clearly got an intriguing backstory that led her to see herself as the heroine of her own story.

intriguing, too, that woz seems to have time traveled to investigate said backstory, if his (hilarious) stakeout during the introduction is any indication.

and then ginga came out of nowhere. okay then...he seems like a pretty badass adversary! i wonder how zi-o and friends will be able to counter his power? or has trinity perhaps been weakened by the discord between the three?

as always, i look forward to what happens next! in the meantime, i have five episodes of ex-aid left, so by the time the next zi-o subs show up i will probably have finished watching!