#but really like. it genuinely feels like she sees me being a bit kinder than normal and she does give me money for lunch dguhdsg

[thecherrygod]

i have a weird relationship with my grandma. i think we both try but we both tend to hit our limits. at least on my part im trying to not let it happen too often tho bc it does feel mean and unnecesary, and she is almost 90

now that one of my brothers is living with us again for a bit, even tho she loves him and he clearly is the favorite grandson, they are currently in a rough spot relationship wise, so im trying to be even kinder to her to try and not get her too down

......

and its a bit funny that every time i am a bit more patient she does the equivalent of giving me lunch money

[ilaria-jinx]

Spoilers for Season 5 below!!

Okay I’m gonna say this with literally so much love for the Penumbra Podcast and everyone involved in the podcast but-

Season 5 is weird, right? I can’t really describe how it feels, not well, but…

It’s like… it’s like all of the characters and the storylines shifted to the left a bit, but we didn’t really get any reason for it? In the Juno storyline, the Grandpappy’s Recipe episode is where it stands out the most to me - Peter’s attempt at gaining the recipe opened an eye into some new dimension for me, for example. Genuinely convincing someone he’s in love with them, conning someone for literal months… that’s never ever seemed like Peter’s style. He’s an in-and-out man. And Grandpappy was so, so sure, too. When did Peter start manipulating people like that so effectively? I knew he was good, but… this feels bad. Like, he feels bad. I have never gotten the sense that Peter was a genuinely bad person before. Stuck in a terrible situation, yes. But… bad? No.

And the way Juno only lingers on Peter’s con for literally only a second feels so off to me too. Because by the start of the next episode, he’s gone straight back into business mode, and concentrated on finding Nureyev. Juno has become kinder in these years, but I have never felt he was a fool. And yet. He doesn’t… he doesn’t actually give any thought to it, not really?? Like. I don’t- I don’t get it. The way he handles the whole thing between Nureyev and Slip, too, especially after Nureyev says he doesn’t want to see him anymore.

And can we talk about how weird it is that the Docana group managed to go years without anyone finding out they’ve been up-lifing or revivifying or whatever they call it so many people? I genuinely didn’t understand the surprise there, I’m so sorry (this is not sarcasm, I’m genuinely sorry for making an overly bold claim).

And can we look at the way that Juno and Rita are somehow closer than they’ve ever been, but Rita is suddenly so much edgier than she ever was before. She’s so much less bubbly than she ever was before. “But!” You cry, “she just finished being an intergalactic fugitive, of course she’s edgy!” Except she was an intergalactic fugitive for a WHILE and she was still acting like… well, like a kid in a candy shop, mostly. And to me, there are instances where it seems like her character has almost been back-filled, like they’re trying to make it look like she’s always been this way. The “Rita Special” comes to mind (although I might be reading into this one, it just feels really weird to me).

Also, there are dialogue decisions that I can’t make sense of. The way that Warner Jane is literally talking about Freedom in Chains, and the Prisma Crystal Chimes, and THEN refers to it as “this other show I’m putting on” before re-describing it as Freedom in Chains? I don’t get that. Things like that have been happening a lot this season, at least from what I can tell.

I can’t make sense of the storyline. Every episode feels completely different from the last, and all the characters feel off. It’s… it almost feels like I’m trying to jump between really tilted and oddly-spaced steps when I listen. It’s like… it’s like the plot is setting us up for a breakup between Peter and Juno, but then the way they talk to one another / Juno narrates about Peter is like they’re still going to try to be together after everything? It’s… it’s weird.

And then Second Citadel!

They’re dealing with a literal apocalypse, and it’s like… everyone was losing their minds in the standard way, and then it’s like they took an invisible off-ramp from the highway.

Can we talk about Quanyii? What HAPPENED to them? I know they lost their mind in the Mirrored Plains. I get it. But they strangled Damien? But the insanity that is killing the child they’ve literally known for going on 8 years? What? Caroline fighting her own wife?? Excuse me???

And Damien in the Indomitable Duelist is OFF. I don’t know why, I don’t know how, but something is very obviously WRONG with him. He started acting nutty the second he got to Rilla and Tal in the Senate’s dungeons. Like… so desperate? And crazy? The high-pitched voice, the losing track of sentences, the distraction - all of it is so wrong to me. (That might be a plot device for later, so please don’t yell at me)

Arum is locked in Mark’s basement, which like - don’t even get me started on that, because I will literally never stop screaming about it, but even that feels wrong. How can Mark - the same guy who rescued Olala, who treated her as the child she was, and recognized her as such, straight up imprison his best friend’s love interest? I know it’s been 8 years. I know. But it’s really, really weird.

And that’s not even focusing on the actual plot line, which is, for the record, WILD. I love it, I really do, I also don’t get it and I don’t know if I ever will. I cannot fathom how they will save their entire universe from the attack that is coming. I do not get it. We are playing with forces beyond my ken, but it seems to me like the situation is… literally hopeless. The entire rest of all the universes, however many there are, are dead set on the destruction of this one, tiny universe. How can anyone possibly hope to fight that? I understand that our characters have no choice except to fight. But we as listeners - we have to recognize that it’s like… kind of futile, right? Is that what this ending is leading to? Futility?

I just. I really can’t figure out how either of these stories are supposed to go anymore.

One of the things I have always loved about the Penumbra Podcast is that while you never get the ending you expect, it always ends sort of hopefully, or at least with some kindness. Yes, Juno walks out at the end of Season 1, but he’s not leaving Hyperion. Second Citadel season 2 has everyone in a really bad spot, but the gang leaves the citadel for better lives. It’s sad, but it’s better, because life moves on and people move on. In this season… I feel like I can’t find that. I feel like I’m expecting some dramatic out of character 180 (in Juno) / a huge over-powered magic trick (in SC) to fix the plot, or else both plots are going to end in heartbreak and futility and sadness.

I feel like I never left the April Fool’s episode.

Please, please understand, I love this podcast so much, I am not trying to hate on anyone or anything. This podcast means so much more to me than I can possibly express. I’m just really confused, I guess? And I’m wondering if anyone else is also confused? Or if someone can explain things? Please, please, if I am wrong, or confused, or completely stupid - someone please tell me what I am missing. Please tell me I’m interpreting things wrong, and how to see it right.

[creweemmaeec11]

A Serrated Cage Key

TW: Captivity, Talk of Suicide.

Guys I wrote whump I did it!

The hero tried not to flinch at the sound of the small metal capsule that hit the floor of their cell.

It was a cell. No matter how many times the villain tried to call it "their room," it was their cell. The hardwood floor, wallpaper, comfy bed littered with plush pillows, full bookcase, and other nonsense didn't make it any less of a cage.

"Happy Birthday," the villain said, but their tone held no joy, not even their normal attempt at friendly civility or faked happiness. It sounded tired if nothing else.

"It's not my-" the hero bit their tongue, eying the villain up and down. Something was off, different.

The criminal had spent the past 3 months trying to be friendly, to convince the hero to just sit down and accept this. Claiming they needed the hero out of their way, and this was the only way around killing them.

As if that was supposed to make the hero grateful!?

They seemed to go to such lengths to make the hero comfortable, asking what the hero's favourite foods were, hobbies, promising they'd provide any and all that they could. As if that would make up for holding them against their will.

The villain even went as far as seeming exasperated when the hero continued to be "hostile"!!!

But the hero would never just sit and accept this, ever. They had family. They had friends. They had a job to do! They weren't going to just give it all up!

They couldn't...

God... they missed them so much...

They missed the way their best friend annoyingly ruffled their hair, and the way their mom called every time she saw them on the news to congratulate them. The hero even missed their voices.

The only voice they ever heard now was villains.

It had been a few days since the villain had visited, which was strange, considering they usually came by at least once a day.

The last time they'd visited, the criminal brought a guitar and a book with them, suggesting perhaps the hero would like to learn a new skill. The hero had faked being interested, saying they'd always wanted to learn to play the guitar, before hurling it with all their might right back at the villain with a shout.

It made them sick, the genuine light that had found the villain's eyes when they faked being interested. Like they really cared.

The criminal had finally snapped, losing their facade of kindness. They told the hero they were tired of this, and they were trying their best to make the hero comfortable but that they weren't exactly helping!

The hero fully lost it, then. They yelled every single profanity they could think of, and told the villain they could stick that guitar where the sun didn't shine. They told the criminal they were sick, and that they would never ever be comfortable being held captive! They said they would rather be dead than this.

By the end of their montage, they realized they were crying, but weren't sure when they'd started.

"I would rather be dead," they reiterated through tears, "gods just-"

They wanted this to be over. They just wanted to get out.

"If you think you're tired, imagine how I feel," the hero cried wiping angrily at their tears that wouldn't seem to stop. "I hate you! I hate this! I miss my family! I miss my friends! I miss the great view of my bedroom window and my mom's cooking. I miss..." they choked a bit, realizing what had started as them screaming had slowly grown quieter in volume, "my sister's boyfriend was planning to propose. I'll never know if she said yes. I won't get to see her wedding. I missed my mother's 50th birthday. I-" They sunk down onto their bed, hugging their knees to their chest, "I wish you would have just killed me. It would have been kinder than this,"

The villain had stayed frozen in the doorway for a few minutes, then without another word, they turned around and locked the door behind themselves, leaving the hero crying in their room alone.

Which brought them to now.

"What is it?" The hero asked bitterly, eyeing the capsule on the ground warily, "Because I swear if it's another attempt to-"

"Nope," Villain cut them off, "No, I'm done. I think you made your feelings on the matter quite clear,"

"Then what is it?" the hero replied sharply.

"It's what you wanted," they replied, gesturing at it with one of their hands before crossing their arms and leaning against the doorframe.

The hero squinted suspiciously, slowly getting up to pick up the small metal cylinder. The outside was blank, so the hero popped the lid off, and tipped the item into their hand. They weren't expecting two large pills to fall out into their palm. They looked up at the other in confusion.

"Cyanide Pills," the villain stated plainly.

The hero's eyes widened, "What..."

The villain made a shrugging gesture with their shoulders, "You told me yesterday you would rather be dead than trapped in here, so. If that's what you truly want..." they hesitated for a moment, "Those should be painless..."

The hero clenched their fist around the pills in their hand, "You're a bastard," They sneered, "Do you think I don't realize exactly what this is? What you're doing?"

The criminal tilted their head questioningly.

"This is you're way of keeping your hands clean!" The hero shouted, anger rising, "If I take these, I didn't die by your hand; it was my own. You can keep your filthy conscious a little cleaner. Then if I don't take them, you can frame it like it was my choice. Like I chose to be in here! But then you can say at least you gave me the option, right!?"

The villain gave a half-hearted shrug again, "Now you've got the choice. I did tell you I'd get anything you wanted that I could. If this is what you want, then..."

The hero started laughing out of sheer disbelief, "I'm sorry, are you trying to frame this as you doing something nice?"

"No," the villain replied, "I'm not trying to frame it as anything, period. It is what it is,"

"What it is, is ridiculous," the hero replied, "If you make a prisoner choice between the electric chair or a life sentence, you are still sending them to death, just at different speeds. You don't to get to feel good. At least in prison, it was their own actions that got them there. If I do take these, then my hand was forced by yours,"

"I warned you that you would force me to take you off the battlefield if you didn't stop. It was your actions-" the villain tried.

"Oh, screw off with that bull!" hero snapped, "Your actions forced me to act in the first place!"

"I'm a villain," they snapped, "My men also have families to feed, and every time you screw up one of our plans, there are kids that go hungry. I put my own first,"

They turned to walk out, but something stopped them, and they slowly turned back around with a sigh, "By the way... your sister said yes,"

The hero's eyes went wide, "What!?"

"She said yes the day before I kidnapped you. She planned to tell the whole family over your mother's birthday dinner, but there was no celebration because they are stressed about your disappearance. She told a friend last night over text that she won't start planning the wedding until they find you,"

Hero's heart instantly felt like it broke. They didn't even have the energy to scold the villain for hacking into their sister's phone. They just stared, a devasted look on their face while an emptiness bottomed out their gut.

The villain took a deep breath, before sighing, "so..."

With that, they turned around to leave again, opening the door, but before they could step through, the hero called out.

"Wait!'

Villain froze in the doorway, back still to the hero, but their head turned to listen.

"If... if I did take these. Would you at least... tell my family? That I'm..." the hero muttered.

Villain's entire body seemed to stiffen for a moment, before they let out a breath, "Yes," they said in a way that sounded absolute, "if that's what you want,"

Then, they were gone, before the hero could say anything else. There was a click of the lock, then the room fell to silence.

The hero put the pills back in the capsule, collapsing back onto their bed.

They spent the rest of the night torn between sleeping or giving their sister that spring wedding she'd always wanted.

[t00fumaple]

The State of Paimon

The Fontaine AC, Furina SQ, and Roses and Muskets event spoilers possibly, rant, so not really cohesive

Sorry for all the people who expected Paimon slander, that isn’t happening here. I am Paimon’s strongest defender, she is my daughter I would never say anything mean to her!

That said, I just want to kind of defend Paimon but also rant about how the writing team has wrote her recently, or perhaps that could be localization’s team fault. I would like whoever can understand what the original text was trying to get that out there.

If you guys have done Furina’s story quest, you would know how insensitive they wrote Paimon there for no reason.

(Screenshots courtesy of Streetwise Rhapsody on YT, thank you.)

Like this is really insensitive to Furina, but I can literally excuse it by the fact Paimon is like 4, she doesn’t fully understand the situation. Paimon never found out what Furina had to go through, also Paimon legit lacks the critical thinking skills to realize “ oh wow I should lay off “ without being told to do so.

In my opinion, Traveler is even worse. Even though they don’t comment on it as frequently as Paimon. They know, they’ve seen it. All the times Furina had to suffer for those hellish 500 years just to play a part. In some capacity they understood what happened to her, Paimon hasn’t. And yet, they still force her to try and act in a play when she would never feel comfortable with the fact.

Paimon was insensitive throughout the whole quest but it’s kind of weird for most of the fandom to only point fingers at her when Traveler does the exact same thing lol

Hell, Paimon even comments on it

Like I will admit, I don’t like how they portrayed her in this quest, nor the Traveler. Especially since Furina shot up to one of my favorite characters since 4.2 dropped.

I think this quest is kind of held back by the fact they had to force Furina to be put into the position of a director, which would explain why the Traveler and Paimon are so mean to her, why they wrote them like that? Who actually knows.

Though recently in the new event, Furina has bit back now and you can see that Paimon is starting to become a little kinder to her than before. Hell they even pose together. Which hopefully means that we won’t get anymore Paimon insensitive moments.

Another character I want to mention that Paimon is especially disrespectful for, and gets mentioned a lot in how Paimon is the worst and she should be banned from this character.

Wanderer, Scaramouche, Kabukimono, bro has like 20 names and yet still goes by none of them.

To be honest, I really don’t get why people bring this guy up on how Paimon shouldn’t be as rude to him as others. Which like, it makes sense

Even after he erased himself, I’m like 99% sure Paimon is still aware that he’s tried killing the Traveler multiple times.

Paimon has every right to be mean to this guy since the Traveler are the only constant in Paimon’s life. They are her whole world, they are practically her parent at this point.

I genuinely can see from Paimon’s POV that she has no reason to feel bad for Wanderer. Even in the scene where she tells him to hurry up on his remembering shit.

To be honest, hella based Paimon at that moment. Like it’s one of the worst things to do, really insensitive but I can forgive it because the Traveler was about to die protecting his ass, also mind you, she is a toddler. My only problem is that like, it feels really out of place.

Don’t get me wrong, Wanderer is great, I love him, he’s actually amazing. But it’s good to understand that Paimon has every right to be disrespectful to him, and to be honest, he would do the exact same thing to Paimon if that happened to her.

Now I will admit, these two instances of her being disrespectful is really terrible by her, and I really blame that mostly on the writing team.

I feel like it’s just weird that they seem to write her however they like? Her character hasn’t been that consistent, she can show a lot of empathy for some characters but absolutely shred other characters for no reason?

It’s sad to see since I adore Paimon, she’s amazing but it’s really tiring to see that they’ve kind of made her really annoying, when they could’ve kept her character consistent.

It’s really sad to see, and I really hope in the future they are able to just, write her better hopefully.

That’s really just all, Paimon is my beloved and its hard being a Paimon fan in this fandom since so many people dislike her 😔

I wanted to put my thoughts out there too, it’s okay if you hate Paimon!!! I can 100% understand but it’s really sad to see because most of that is because the writing is doing a terrible job at writing her.

Justice for Paimon

[theresthesnitch]

Conflict ❣️❣️❣️

Ohhhhhh... okay. This is an Ignite snippet, from chapter 18. And, I'm dropping a longer snippet for however... a few things may have changed, and this section might ultimately end up deleted. Or moved? Maybe. Who knows.

~~~

“We’ve not been on a date before. Not yet.”

“You haven’t?” Emmaline looked genuinely surprised. “I mean, I know you didn’t want to take it public, but you haven’t even let the guy take you on an actual date? What have you been doing?”

“I mean,” Lily gestured vaguely, “shagging. A lot.” She felt her knees go a bit weak at the reminder of it. “Like, a lot.”

Emmaline laughed. “I get that. Merlin, he’s fit and I’ve heard he’s excellent, but you haven’t let him take you on a real date? Even if you don’t tell anyone about it, surely you want to do that.”

Lily shrugged. “I don’t really see what the point is. I haven’t changed my mind about the fact that dating him is a bad idea, so why would I agree to go on a date with him?”

Emmaline shrugged, even as she continued to rub the lotion into her hands and arms. “How do you know dating him won’t work if you don’t, you know, date him?” Emmaline waved a hand through the air. “Regardless, you must have changed your mind? You’re going on a date with him now?”

Lily crossed her arms over her chest. “I mean, I didn’t exactly. We were talking about Rosier and all of them being back, and James said he wanted to distract me. When I agreed, he said ‘it’s a date,’ and I didn’t disagree.”

Emmaline twisted her face into something between a grimace and excitement. “Sort of a date by omission, then? How are you feeling about that?”

“I don’t know.” Lily pressed both of her hands to her forehead. “I mean, I was getting excited, but you heard Marlene and Mary a bit ago. They’re not wrong.”

“I think they are, though.” Emmaline shrugged. “A year ago, they would have been wrong. Merlin, six months ago, they would have been wrong, but you and James are different now. You’re softer to each other. Kinder. I think that whatever this is you’re doing, it’s changing how you feel about each other.”

“We still fight all the time, though.” Lily moved across the room and turned the shower on. “That hasn’t changed.”

“Hasn’t it though?” Emmaline shrugged. “When was the last time you fought in anger rather than as some sort of teasing foreplay?” She walked toward the door, but turned back at the last moment. “I think you might be holding on too hard to the idea that this can’t work, Lily. Why not just give the boy a chance?”

She left then, and Lily was left with steam and conflicting thoughts to fill the room.

[waheelawhisperer]

Finally back to watching RWBY Volume 9. My thoughts on Episode 7 are below.

Oh boy content warning

I’m sure whatever it is will be handled with the tact and sensitivity Rooster Teeth is known for

Confirmation that Yang snores you love to see it

Ruby’s still struggling with the thought of taking up Crescent Rose again

What the hell are you late for Jaune

Weiss if people are counting on you why did you and your friends run away from the Jabberwalkers in the bazaar

What. The. Shit.

What the fuck is that thing?

Every time I think the Ever After can’t get stupider it proves me wrong

This is so fucking weird Jaune is not coping well with isolation

Naming them after his friends is kinda cute and kinda creepy

Okay so we’ve got a map of the acres. Some of them have very stupid names and I’m glad we won’t have time to visit them. It looks like Jaune is stationed next to the Jabberwalker’s acre, which makes sense because he’s the only one in the Ever After who can drive it away

Jaune how is this your life’s work you’ve explored half the acres on the map at best

Honestly, Jaune, you can run off and let them die. They’ll probably be delighted at the opportunity to Ascend or whatever the shit, given how that one dumbass had to be told to stay away from water. You’d be doing them and us a favor.

Oh my God how many disasters befall this village in a single day

They have to be trying to die. They have to. No lifeform could be this stupid otherwise. Let nature take its course, it’ll be kinder to both the origami dudes and the viewers

No, Jaune, it’s crazy. I don’t blame you for it, but it’s clear you are struggling.

Yang curse count goes up. Not really used with impact here.

“Jaune needs us”... and yet nobody’s noticed that Ruby needs you too

Yeah I was right the paper people do want to die

Afterans have a positive view of Ascension, Jaune doesn’t. I’m leaning toward Jaune on this one.

Yang’s right that they won’t learn anything in the village

Jaune you’re getting very condescending toward the Afterans

Here, it comes out – Jaune is so tired of failing, he’s desperate to protect something he can actually save. Love it. I really do. This is a genuinely nice bit of characterization for him.

You shouldn't have run the first time, Blob.

OH LOOK I WAS FUCKING RIGHT WHEN I SAID THE JABBERWALKERS WERE NOTHING TO BE SCARED OF FOR WBY

The Bees are perfectly in sync, damn. Blob is useful in a fight for the first time in half a decade.

Weiss, meanwhile, looks like she’s missing having a partner. Jaune steps in and the White Knight shippers go crazy.

Ruby’s having PTSD flashbacks here, I think we’re going to dig into this more pretty soon

Oh yeah we’re digging into it all right, Ruby is just… well and truly broken.

Get its ass girls

Yang is asking the important questions here. So glad someone's finally taking Neo seriously as a threat after having known she's here since Episode 1.

Jaune’s being an asshole here but I get it, Ruby was a liability in that fight. Understanding and compassion would’ve been the better choice here but Jaune’s clearly not mentally stable enough to realize that

Also I paused at the wrong time and Jaune looked baked as fuck

Oh, now everyone realizes it’s going deeper than just a bad performance in a fight

Once again, Yang, the terrible sister, is the first one to reach out and pick up on Ruby’s distress

Oh. Oh, that is terrible timing. As soon as it clicks that Ruby needs help, something happens to distract them. This has happened a few other times this Volume and it’s not gonna have good effects on Ruby.

Oh thank God the stupid paper people are gone. Feel bad for Jaune though. I feel like they were all that was keeping him sane, but I’m worried that the narrative will prioritize his pain over Ruby’s

I get why everyone is focusing on comforting Jaune instead of Ruby, his pain is louder and more readily expressed, and I think it's a good choice in some ways and a bad choice in others. It's good because it pushes Ruby to her breaking point - she's been abandoned and deprioritized right when she's finally openly displaying that something is wrong. It's bad because Jaune already sucks away narrative focus and I'm frankly tired of it at this point.

Not convinced that framing what is essentially suicide as a positive thing because they’re going to be reborn/reincarnate is a great decision but I don’t expect anything better from Rooster Teeth at this point

HERE IT COMES

I can tell just by her voice that she’s at the end of her rope

Yeah let it all out babygirl go OFF

I’ve seen people say Ruby doesn’t have a leg to stand on with regards to holding a leadership position because she chose it but I don’t really agree. She pretty consistently deferred to other leaders (Ozpin, Qrow, Ironwood) until they failed and only then stepped in.

Homophobic Ruby my beloved, one of the few decent memes to come out of this Volume

Oh, that was cruel, Ruby. I don’t blame you for feeling ignored and alone but that was a low blow, he very obviously cared about them. Honestly, though, I’m glad she’s being allowed to lash out like this. It feels very suitable for her mental state.

Jaune, you were part of drafting that plan. You can’t pin the blame on Ruby.

Penny’s death has really been chewing him up inside, damn

And yet no one’s willing to say what happened out loud so Ruby still doesn’t fucking know

Jaune splits the focus from Ruby at exactly the wrong time and it pushes her over the edge

Oh, there’s no way this ends well

Ruby’s run off, alone, unable or unwilling to fight, when they know someone who hates her is actively hunting her. Y’all better get your butts in gear.

Honestly I think this scene was mostly well done, but there is a… significant issue - namely, the “Yang defends Blob” part. I’ve seen so many people put her on blast, and honestly… I get it. The way this scene was executed significantly lowered my opinion of Yang’s character.

I’ve seen some people say that Yang was trying to pull aggro and deescalate because she’s Ruby’s big sibling and knows how to handle her anger and calm her down rather than prioritizing Blob, and I do think that might well have been the writers’ intent, but… it does not come through in the scene. If you want me to interpret this charitably, maybe have Yang pull aggro off Weiss or intervene when Jaune gets pissed at Ruby. Real hard to believe she’s such a protective older sister when she defends her new squeeze from her sister but just fucking stands there staring as as an adult man twice Ruby’s size screams angrily into that same sister’s face. Come the fuck on.

To say nothing of Blob cowering behind her big strong girlfriend like she’s afraid of getting her ass beat by a girl 2 years younger than she is who can’t even pick up her weapon without having a panic attack like an uwu soft defenseless catgirl. Where’s the Blake who joined Beacon to fight to make things better? Where’s the Blake who called out Weiss for being racist on the first day of school? Where’s the Blake who Yang loved when she was feisty? Where’s the Blake that actually had a fucking spine? Because that Blake hasn’t existed since Volume 6 at the latest. Her grit died with Adam, and its ghost hung around for like 5 seconds in Ironwood’s office when she decided not to let him raise Atlas and then passed on to the afterlife. The writers weren’t satisfied with killing her and now they’re desecrating her corpse.

I don’t know who in the writer’s room has a hateboner for Blake but someone clearly does

it’s absolutely fascinating how little the writers seem to like their own characters

Props to Miles and Lindsay for their performances though, that shit felt raw as fuck

If the fandom's right about the intent here, I think this scene could've worked for me with better voice direction and if Yang had been a bit more proactive and protective of anyone besides her girlfriend, but they dropped the ball. In fact, they dropped it so badly that it made me like both Yang and Blob less than I already do.

Honestly, though, this wasn’t even close to the worst episode. At least it didn’t shit the bed until the end. Amazing how low the bar has been set at this point.

Overall rating: BARELY PASSABLE/10

This episode was mostly okay, honestly. A bit boring, but I didn't have any major issues with the episode-specific content (still hate the Ever After) besides Yang's characterization at the end and also the weird fixation on suicide this show is developing.

[consul-valerius]

Apprenticember Day 3: Donna and The Main Six (or.... my version of the main six LOL)

Give a short summary of their relationship to the other main characters!

This is going to get long because I can't shut up, thank you for bearing with me besties lmao

Nadia

Donna and Nadia are very close, with Donna acting as one of Nadia’s confidants prior to the game. They initially became close when Donna began working at the palace; Nadia instantly empathized with Donna’s culture shock of what life in the palace was like in Vesuvia, and she felt the need to be a source of comfort and support for them (which got physical pretty quickly lol). This blossomed into genuine feelings developing between the two that is hard to define strictly. In some continuities, Donna and Nadia (and Valerius lol) enter a full-fledged romantic relationship, and in others (such as Damien’s timeline), the lines are much blurrier and lean more platonic for them

Portia

BRAT TO BRAT, SWITCH TO SWITCH ENERGY BABY!! After the game's events, Portia is one of Donna’s closest friends. They both instantly related to one another’s needs to prove themselves, to be the heroes of their own stories, despite everyone doubting them. Honestly, it’s the lack of any prior history that makes Donna and Portia’s relationship so special. Portia has no grand idea of Donna that she is still holding onto: she’s been there since their new “beginning” and sees them for the person they are now. 

Asra

Boy are these two complicated LMAO Asra and Donna adore one another, but after their death and revival, their relationship is permanently damaged. Prior to the game, the two were normally joined at the hip, and while there were some one-sided romantic feelings from Asra, he never let them interfere in their friendship, even when Donna dated guys Asra really didn’t approve of (cough cough, Sam and Valerius, cough cough). Things started to go downhill when Donna began working at the palace, and their relationship was effectively nuked when Donna died.

To put it plainly: Donna doesn’t know what to think of Asra after the events of the game. They love him dearly, but there will always be a sense of distrust and resentment over what he has done. They feel like they should be kinder to him and that they literally owe him their life, but there is a sense of violation over them having no say in their own death that they cannot quite verbalize to anyone. It feels like something was robbed from them, but they feel guilty for thinking that way at all.  

Julian

Julian and Donna were close during the plague and used one another as sources of comfort while working with Valdemar. However, neither have very solid memories of this, but after the game’s events, simply remain very good friends who enjoy nerding out together lol Afternoons spent pouring over books together before getting black out at the Rowdy Raven are some of their favorite times together (and neither are very good wingmen for each other but man do they try lmao)

Muriel

Donna didn’t have a relationship with Muriel until after their revivial, and even then, they never remembered the times Muriel would take care of them when Asra was gone. After the game, however, they do begin to form a bond. Both Muriel and Donna have PTSD, and while more and more of Donna’s memories come back to them, they have a harder time managing it (even harder than before their death, as now they have a whole new layer of trauma to deal with lol). Muriel really begins to stand in as a figure who can not just relate to Donna but he was deeply realistic and blunt with them about it, which is exactly what they needed.

They didn’t want to hear about how there would be better days and that their feelings were valid: they wanted to hear “this sucks—let’s go eat because I know you haven’t.” Sometimes Donna can be a bit too much for Muriel, so while they don’t see one another as often prior to Damien being born, their interactions are always positive and deeply meaningful for Donna. 

Valerius

I’M INCLUDING HIM BECAUSE HE’S THEIR LI AND I FUCKING CAN GDFIHGDIFHG but this is just another reminder that they’re gross and in love LMAO and Valerius is deeply appreciative of all the new connections he would have never made if Donna wasn’t in their life. They often are a bridge for him to let his true personality show to others, and they give him more confidence to be real and not always play noble mind games with others lol

[ghosttownwherenoonegoes]

something won't leave me alone for days now and i need to ask, i hope i'm npt bothering 🙈🙈🙈🙈 i saw the discussion abt eddie being kinder to the cheerleaders than the girl he startled (over on @munson-maidens blog but you rebloged it too) and keep wondering. i think he was really kinder to the cheers than the other girl cause he found the cheers pretty but he wasn't mean or rude to the other girl? like yeah he was kinder to the cheers but he wasn't unkind to the other girl he was still a gentleman like munson-maiden says with not getting to close and hands behind his back and smiling and he def would've let her pass too and he didn't jump at her cause he found her unattractive but cause she was there and he wasn't unkind or a prick to her. i just see two sides with the eddie is only nice to pretty cheers and that makes him a prick stance or people who say he wasn't nicer to the cheerleaders. but can he be a bit nicer to girls he finds pretty and still be a true gentlemen? he wouldn't treat anyone with less kindness cause of their looks so, honest: would it make him a prick if it is like i said that he was nicer to the cheers cause he found them prettier?

Hey anon!

You’re never a bother! I’m happy to hear from you and I adore answering asks (though I haven’t done so for a while and I need to be better about my time management so I don’t keep people waiting for too long💀).

I actually reached out to @munsons-maiden about this because she hadn’t said anything about this overall topic which I didn’t agree with (I have yet to disagree with Kiki on anything Eddie Munson related, she GETS him so well it hurts🤧🤧🤧), and I thought she could sum all of this up better than I can!

So here’s what Kiki said:

There are two types of men: those who respect women, ALL women regardless of their appearance, and those who don't respect women (the latter treats pretty women kinder but that's never genuine, that's because they want something from them and they'll stop being kind if they got or don't get what they want).

The question isn't whether he's especially kind to girls he finds pretty, but whether he'd treat any girl he doesn't deem pretty with LESS kindness, and the answer is no he wouldn't, because he genuinely respects women. Imagine the girls would have been "not pretty", and imagine him just not letting them pass. Feels so much ooc that I can't even imagine it. He would have let any girl pass, the fact that it were cheerleaders just shows that he's a gentleman to women even if they're rude to HIM. He wouldn't have jump-scared the cheerleaders because he thinks Chrissy (and by extension all cheerleaders, because pretty and popular) were mean and scary, but that doesn't have anything to do with being a gentleman or not. The jump-scaring itself isn't unkind or rude or pokes fun of that girl's appearance, if anything, Eddie is endorsing the freak label and playing himself a fool.

Plus, he treats Robin gentlemanly despite Robin not being the classical cheerleader beauty type as well, and his "Chrissy, this is for you" line was, according to Joe himself, not meant in a romantic way despite his crush, but to avenge her as a person. No man who lacks genuine respect for women would do that because Chrissy is dead, and he doesn't gain anything by dedicating the song to her.

In the end, everything can be interpreted ambiguously, and people tend to see what they want to see. How a scene is intended to be interpreted is determined by the rest of what we know about a character and the situation, and we get to know Eddie well enough to exclude the option that he's not a genuine gentleman.

I was very kindly given permission to copy and paste this into this answer, and I hope it gives you more food for thought!💖

[thetinyboio]

Welcome Home [Cult of The Lamb A.u]

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Prologue [Part 1][Part 2][Part 3][Part 4][Part 5][Part 6][Part 7][Part 8][Part 9]

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Thoth fidgeted a bit, feeling slightly self-conscious when the attention was turned back to them. "Oh, um... yeah," they stammered. "It's... well, I was born with a crescent moon shape on my hip, so my mother thought it was fitting. She said if I was named after a god, maybe one would bless me... silly, I guess." Thoth blushed and rubbed the back of their neck sheepishly.

Wally, still smiling warmly, reassured Thoth about their name. "It is a very good name! I think I remember you saying you're new to town, right? Well, if you'd like to stay, I know the neighborhood would love to have you." His words were genuine and kind. "I hope this accident hasn't made a bad impression, and I'm sorry if my first impression for you was a scary one... seeing me hooked up to all of this..." He weakly gestured toward the various monitors and medical equipment.

Thoth waved their hand in front of them dismissively. "No, no! Not at all. Honestly, as strange as it sounds... it's actually really refreshing to see the kinder side of the world. And I guess if we're trying to look on the bright side, it's really nice to see that the world isn't as dark as I once thought..." They smiled sweetly, grateful for the newfound sense of warmth and kindness they were experiencing.

Wally appreciated Thoth's perspective and offered his support in return. "That is good you found some kindness here. If you have any trouble here, please feel free to come to me. I can take care of it," he said with a friendly smile. Barnaby found Wally's offer a bit unusual, but he saw it as Wally just being his usual, kind-hearted self.

Poppy's warmth and enthusiasm were contagious, and she patted Thoth gently on the head, saying, "Wonderful! See, dear, making friends already." Thoth blushed, feeling a little flustered by all the attention they were receiving. They were more accustomed to trying to blend into the background and go unnoticed.

Just then, a doctor entered the room, and Wally was given the option to reschedule if it wasn't a good time. Wally shook his head, indicating that it was fine. The doctor and a few more medical staff came in to discuss Wally's prosthetic needs. Afterward, the doctor turned to Poppy and Thoth, seeking their permission to change Wally's bandages. Poppy nodded, and the curtain was drawn for privacy.

As the procedure began, Thoth looked over to Barnaby and took a sip of water. Barnaby took a seat next to Thoth, breaking the ice with a simple question.

"So, where ya from, kid?" Barnaby asked casually.

Thoth, caught off guard, spat out some water and coughed, surprised by the question.

Poppy rushed to their aid, providing towels and asking with concern, "Sorry, are you alright?"

Barnaby scratched the back of his head apologetically, realizing his timing had been less than ideal. "Sorry to ask while you were drinking, kid."

Thoth shook their head, still recovering. "No, no. I'm sorry. I— um. I'm from..." They hesitated for a moment, trying to think of a made-up place. "I'm from 'Nothere'..."

Barnaby pondered this for a moment. "Hmmm, I think I had a cousin who moved there at some point," he replied with a shrug, not pressing further.

Poppy continued to change Thoth's bandages, noticing the subtle difference in one of their injuries. She saw the band of missing fur and recognized it as a potential source of discomfort for Thoth. Understanding their timid nature, she didn't pry but exchanged a knowing look with Barnaby, silently communicating her concern.

Barnaby, with a warm and caring smile, shifted the conversation to a more uplifting topic. "Oh, by the way, kid, Poppy and I were talking last night. But when you get released, Poppy and I both have a spare room at our places, and if you want, you're welcome to stay with either one of us."

Poppy chimed in with her reassuring voice, emphasizing the importance of recovery. "We figured it would help you recover a little better not having to worry about where to live right after such a tragic event. You should rest and take all the time you need."

Thoth was taken aback by their offer, and tears welled up in their eyes. "Wait?... Really?..." They paused, their emotions bubbling over. "I can clean! I know how to make bread and can skin a chi—" Thoth stopped abruptly and rephrased their statement. "I can cook for you. I can do whatever you want with me. I can earn my keep. Please, I promise." Their eyes pleaded with sincerity. "I'm not lazy; I can work, I promise."

Poppy looked at Barnaby with concern, realizing Thoth was getting overly worked up. Barnaby reassured Thoth, saying, "Yeah, no need to worry, really. You've been through hell and back, it seems, so don't you worry your fuzzy little tail about it, okay?"

As the doctors left, Wally lay back on his bed, and the nurses covered him up. His usual optimistic smile returned as Poppy pulled the curtain back. "Sorry that took a bit," Wally explained. "They wanted to check on the progress of my leg healing and what to do for a new foot." His resilience was admirable, and despite the challenges he faced, he maintained a positive outlook.

Thoth quickly wiped away their tears, feeling a bit embarrassed by their emotional outburst. They turned their attention to Wally's mention of a new foot, finally noticing that he was missing one.

"Oh... I see," Thoth murmured, their gaze shifting to the empty space where Wally's foot should have been. They couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy for him. "Did that hurt much?" Thoth asked, although the answer was painfully obvious.

Poppy, noticing the shift in the mood, stepped in to change the topic. "Oh dear, um... tell you two telling war stories, How about we get some fresh air for you both? Barnaby, come help me get them some wheelchairs."

Wally, with his usual easygoing attitude, replied, "I didn't really feel it, so I guess not really. Now, though, yeah, it probably hurts a lot." He looked down at his missing foot for a moment before relaxing, ready to be moved into a wheelchair. His resilience was truly remarkable.

Barnaby walked over to Thoth and asked, "You okay if I pick you up?" Thoth hesitated for a moment before nodding in agreement. Barnaby gently scooped them up and placed them in a wheelchair, while Poppy pushed Thoth and Barnaby pushed Wally.

As they were wheeled through the hospital, Thoth took the opportunity to observe their surroundings more closely. They marveled at the advanced medical tools and the bustling staff, much different from the few hospitals they had seen in the past.

"Is this a blue blood hospital?" Thoth inquired, their curiosity piqued. "There are so many staff, and the tools look much more advanced than the few I've seen before." They glanced up at Poppy and Barnaby as a doctor held the door open to the front garden for them.

“I wouldn't say a blue blood hospital but it is one of the more nice ones for the area 

they get wheeled to a nice spot near lots of pretty and colorful wildflowers”

Poppy expressed her deep appreciation for the ever-changing floral displays. "This is one of my more favorite spots here," she shared with a smile. "They change out the flowers when the seasons change! They always do such beautiful work!"

Barnaby, always eager to support his friends, made a promise to Wally. "Next time, I'll see if I can smuggle in some paint and paper for you," he said, winking playfully at Wally, who tried to return the gesture but ended up blinking instead. "We, uh... we can work on that," Barnaby added, giving Wally's head a gentle pat.

The beautiful scenery, the prospect of painting, and the support of their friends began to lift the spirits of Wally and Thoth as they enjoyed this moment of respite and tranquility amidst the vibrant wildflowers.

Thoth, now feeling more at ease in the company of their new friends, let out a small, genuine laugh. "Do you draw, Mr. Wally?" they asked, their eyes sparkling as they took in the beautiful scenery.

Barnaby, proud of his friend's artistic talents, chimed in with enthusiasm. "Wally here's the best artist I know! The guy can paint just about anything you put in front of him. What do they call it? Photographic memory?"

Poppy, always nurturing and supportive, nodded in agreement. "I could see if the hospital needs a new mural for the waiting room, Wally. Painting is wonderful therapy for the heart." She recognized the healing power of art and was eager to encourage Wally's creative expression.

Wally, now feeling a renewed sense of purpose and inspiration, looked at the flowers and the world around him with fresh eyes. The prospect of painting again brought a warm smile to his face, and he nodded in agreement with his friends.

Wally, feeling a sense of longing for his artistic pursuits, smiled at the idea of painting again. "Painting would be nice. Feels like it's been forever since I've painted," he remarked. His gaze drifted to his hands, which bore the evidence of recent injuries and healing. Despite the cuts and stitches, he found solace in the thought of capturing the beautiful scenery before him on canvas. He leaned back into the wheelchair, the faint creaking sound as it moved a testament to his newfound contentment.

Thoth, while gazing at the colorful wildflowers, shared a cherished memory from their childhood. "When I was a child, my mother and I, on our off days, would draw in the dirt together outside our home," they recalled with a hint of nostalgia. "She taught me how to spell that way... It was rare to teach in the area I grew up in... But she said it might be useful for me to know how to read..." Thoth's voice trailed off as they lost themselves in the memory, their eyes still fixed on the flowers. "...She was a good mother... She would have loved it here..." They spoke softly, their words filled with a mix of longing and fondness for their mother, who had left a lasting impact on their life.

Barnaby and Poppy exchanged concerned glances but decided not to say anything that might cause Thoth to close up again. Instead, they chose to let Thoth share at their own pace.

Wally, showing his natural empathy and curiosity, turned his attention to Thoth and asked, "What was your mother's name?" His question was gentle and kind, inviting Thoth to open up if they wished to share more about their mother.

[bunnyinatree]

I started reading "Akata Witch" by Nnedi Okorafor yesterday, and while I want to reserve my full judgment until after I've finished the book, I just got to a bit where the protagonist Sunny realizes that her new magical powers protect her from the sun, and I... have conflicting feelings about that.

On the one hand, good for Sunny. I genuinely like her as a character, and I don't want her to have to worry about things like being sunburned indoors or carrying an umbrella outside everywhere.

But also, it's like... I wish that she could have magical powers without it healing part of her disability, you know? And it feels like what's mostly left is the social ostracism element of albinism, rather than the physical symptoms.

Like, if we think of the social model of disability, where disabilities are created rather than innate, then Sunny still has to face the consequences of living in a society that isn't tailored to her needs. But the things that wouldn't go away even if society were kinder (namely, her photosensitivity) are just gone now, and that sort of disappoints me.

I'm just under halfway through the book, and it feels as though most of Sunny's albinistic traits (Is albinistic a word??) come from outside of her self. They're things that other people can see but that she doesn't experience or feel personally, like the color of her skin and hair. But the things that affect how she senses the world, from the inside out, don't seem to have as much of a spotlight in the narrative.

Then that makes me wonder (and this is a question that I'm having trouble finding the answer to online, since I keep getting redirected to the same five FAQ-esque websites), can you have oculocutaneous albinism that doesn't affect your eyes besides lightening color? Because Sunny is described as having hazel eyes, so maybe that means she has reduced pigmentation in her eyes but not enough to result in the more eye-focused symptoms of albinism, such as photophobia and low vision? Maybe that's why the book hasn't mentioned eye pain or light sensitivity, apart from her skin, and maybe that's why she's so good at sports and hasn't talked about having trouble with depth-perception or seeing in the dark.

I'm going to finish this book no matter what and see if I can get any more answers, but I'm not certain that I'll continue with the rest of the series, unless the second half of the first installment really wows me. It's nice to see a protagonist with albinism for once, and I really like how she's associated with sun imagery, because that's something I personally relate to, and I think that the "contradiction" of sun imagery and albinism is fun. Like, "The Sun is my best friend but also out to kill me." What a mood.

Still, I'm a little sad that I haven't found the specific type of representation that I was looking for in this book. I want to see things from the lens of someone else with ocular albinism, and while it's always nice to hear about experiences that differ from my own, I do want to find at least one story that I relate to in terms of vision problems, and I don't want that story to be about a vampire this time.

I still love vampires, though, don't get me wrong. I just want the validation of, "Human beings experience this thing, too. We're not just introducing a photosensitive character so someone can shine a flashlight in their eyes to ensure a quick escape."

TLDR: Sunny is definitely a character with albinism, but to me, it doesn't feel like she has ocular albinism, too, and I'm a little sad that the story seems to have "cured" the bulk of her disability with magic.

[just-here-for-iolaus]

Hercules and the Circle of Fire

The great HTLJ/XWP/YH (re)watch continues!

Okay, watched this for the first time a few days ago and so far it's easily my favourite of the first three movies. I really, genuinely, liked Hercules in this movie. I completely forgot it was Kevin Sorbo.

(And, not because he had a romantic plotline, I want to be clear. He just was kinder? More human? Idk. We'll get into it.)

So let's jump into it.

First of all this dream sequence.

Okay, I was confused by the white cloak on the mystery woman. I was like "she looks like she's wrapped in snow-covered saran wrap, what is happening?" and then we get this close up of her mouth, and I stg I was like "IS THAT CALLISTO??" 🤣😅 (Spoilers, it is definitely not Callisto.)

The change of scenery was kinda cool, too (pardon the pun). I was really curious what he was doing up there, but then realized it was a dream sequence.

I'm not clear why Herc had this dream, though? Zeus will later comment about D being the type of woman a man dreams about or something, and Herc realizes that Zeus was aware of his dream... but I don't feel like Zeus gave him the dream, because D was asking him to save her, which I don't really think fit with Zeus's plans? IDK.

Does Hercules have premonition dreams now? Buffy had them occasionally, and I actually don't mind them as a narrative device if they're not overdone.

Anyway, we shrug that off pretty quickly and see Hercules entering some kind of cave place with a dude and I was really excited for a moment thinking it might be Iolaus, but it was not. Instead we get a very Davey-Jones-esque fight with a guy whose heart is not in his body, and tbh I figured it out almost immediately and felt a bit bored waiting for Herc to figure it out. And then we got a very extra face-melting death. These effects were wild.

Herc saves a girl who is played by the actress who plays Cora Silver in The Return to Treasure Island (the film where Dean O'Gorman - who plays Young Iolaus - plays Jim Hawkins) and I had to pause the movie to figure out where I knew her from haha. During this scene they avoid being melted by acid that's spewing from the fountain he just collected water from.

Then Zeus shows up and tries to get Hercules to go to a mountain with him. Now, intitially I thought he meant Olympus and was really irritated that he didn't understand why Hercules wanted to try to get the potion to his friend that needed it. He claims Hercules cares more about his friend than his own dad - and I was like EXCUSE ME? Zeus, do you honestly feel you can bitch about that after being such a shit father??? But Hercules was so reasonable with his response, saying that that wasn't the case but he really needed to get that to his friend and I was like "wow Hercules has more restraint than me cuz I would not be so kind" haha. Then Zeus ominously mutters to himself that there might not be a next time, and I was like, wait is Zeus DYING? CAN Zeus die?? (I know there's some kind of plot with gods dying at the end of Xena so I assume there are circumstances that allow it.)

This turned out not to be what he meant at all. (Not me being disappointed). 😅 He meant cuz the world might end. The plot, it turns out, is that Hera plans to freeze the whole world and kill everyone. Zeus refuses to stop her???? (I am tearing out my hair at Zeus's uselessness over here!)

Anyway, let's talk about Cheiron!

This movie has a bunch of familiar names in it, not attached to the characters I associate them with. The first is Cheiron, who, it turns out, is not Cheiron the centaur from Young Hercules, but someone completely unrelated - a satyr? idk - that Hercules has a history with that we don't really know? Cheiron is injured and it won't heal, and Hercules is doing his best to find a cure. I immediately questioned why Hercules seemed so guilty about it and actually wondered very early on if Herc had inflicted the wound, which eventually is revealed to be the case. It was an accident.

Apparently if an immortal gets wounded by another non-mortal, the wound never heals. Does this continue to be canon?

Anyway I liked this sense of responsibility from Herc and totally believed that he'd doggedly pursue a cure. I did question if he should let Cheiron drink the water from the acid fountain, but... it kind of worked until it didn't, so I guess he wasn't far off.

Cheiron complains that he'd like to be mortal, and I immediately go "oh, this man's gonna die". 😅

Also there was a baby named Kora, which is also the name of an important character on Young Hercules (who is not this baby, obviously).

The next fun character to be introduced is Deianeira - NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH "Deianeira of Troy" from literally the movie before this one. They are totally different characters. I mean, they're both outgoing women who love to talk, with dead fathers from whom they inherited their homelands, but the main difference is that Hercules actually shows some interest in this one.

I found her a little rude at times, especially at first, but I must admit she won me over. She doesn't really feel like she fits into the world, though? Her whole personality, way of speaking, even the accent... it all feels a little too modern for me somehow? Very of the age it was produced and not of the age it was set in (not that any of it is historically accurate, but I hope you know what I mean).

Still, I really do like Deianeira by the end of the movie and was happy to see she didn't die, although I was really surprised that the movie ends with them making out! I guess Hercules has decided that it's not that "different with women" after all.

I'm curious to see what happens to her, because I have a feeling she doesn't last very long? I don't remember him having a permanent love interest so I guess we'll see, haha. I did avoid the show a lot so I could be very wrong there, too.

Back on the topic of Herc, I wonder if he isn't just kind of demisexual, something I can relate to myself, where he needs to have an emotional connection with someone before he feels any kind of sexual attraction. Who knows! He definitely likes Dei this way by the end, and I really believed their chemistry and liked how their bond slowly built over the movie as they got to know each other and learned how to work together effectively.

So back to the actual plot of the movie:

Hera stole a torch from Prometheus, so now all the fire in the world is dying and everyone's gonna freeze to death. Hercules intends to get it back, and I have all the faith he will do so because he's the hero and I know there's a bunch of seasons of show after this so presumably the world doesn't end.

Prometheus was a cool character to see on screen, since he's a Titan, so he's this really big dude. (I definitely was reminded of the Zora king frozen in Zora's domain in Ocarina of Time, lmao.)

Per wikipedia: "Prometheus is best known for defying the gods by stealing fire from them and giving it to humanity in the form of technology, knowledge, and more generally, civilization." Reminds me a bit of the (Haida?) myth of the Raven stealing the sun.

Zeus:

Zeus knows all about this plot and instead of helping any of the mortals who are begging the gods for help, Zeus is like "yeah, idk, I don't want to piss of Hera" and instead offers just Hercules (and his gf since he's feeling generous, I guess) a warm little cave to live in while everyone else dies. I was not impressed at all with this.

There's a whole thing with Zeus in this movie where he's upset that Hercules won't do as he's told, and we see Zeus has some insecurity about whether or not Hercules loves him, which is... humanizing? But also a little strange, I must admit. I felt I understood Zeus better in this movie and yet liked him less somehow? He was acting so selfishly throughout the film, even if it was out of love of his son - his lack of empathy for the rest of humanity and how he started using his powers to attack Hercules (even if it was to 'protect' him ultimately) really upset me.

I'm still really struggling with a core piece of his character motivation, which is that I really don't understand why he never interferes with Hera's attempts to hurt Hercules. Hera does awful things in a bid to harm Hercules or people who are seeking him out, constantly, and Zeus is just like "IDK Herc, maybe try sacrificing an animal to her?" when really Zeus's infidelity is what originally pissed off Hera. She's taking her anger at Zeus out on his son and LOADS of mortals, and Zeus just gets mad at Herc any time he complains about it, like defensively blaming Hercules for not sucking up more to Hera.

I guess gods really are not like us, haha.

Phaedra:

I really wanted to like this character. I did sort of like her at first, and then I was pretty sure she was a villain, and then it turned out she was working for Zeus, and then... she really was just some orphan kid?

I actually really didn't like the whole bit where Hercules tried to hunt her down so that he could force her to live in a village and "go to school". There was an earlier scene where Herc played with Cheiron's kids, and I think it was to try to show this paternal side of Hercules, where he's "good with kids" or at least desires to take care of them in general/make sure they're safe. I think that's fine broadly speaking since he's a hero, and also in the context that him being good with kids makes him more attractive to Dei (she comments on it, so I assume that was the reason they made a child fill this narrative role and not, like, some random nymph or minor god, etc.).

But the fact that she really is just some kid doing as Zeus tells her really brings up some red flags in the scene where she tricks Hercules into thinking those strange women are Deianeira so that he'll start having sex with them. (He clues in when there's more than one of Dei, but Dei walks in and assumes Herc is a playboy... it's a whole thing, and really a weak narrative point that could have been cut, probably. We already got the impression Herc was interested in Dei that way so it wasn't like it was needed.)

But since when is Zeus a good dad, I guess. He's not looking out for Phaedra, he's using her.

The Circle of Fire:

Okay, so they finally find the damn torch and it's inside a Circle of Fire, hence the title of the movie. It turns out that if a god/non-mortal goes inside the circle, they will lose their immortality.

Earlier in the movie there is some discussion of whether or not Hercules is immortal. That confused me a bit because one would think the wound he inflicted on Cheiron not healing would imply he's immortal?

Zeus is clearly worried about Hercules dying if he goes into the circle to get the torch, and he starts fighting Herc to stop him, but eventually Herc wins out and goes into the circle to get the torch.

This actually surprised me!

I totally thought he was going to make a compromise with Zeus and be like "Okay, then use your powers to go get Cheiron up here, and he can do it, since he wants to be mortal!" Two birds, one stone, so to speak. We know Zeus can poof people around because he's offered it several times by now in this very movie.

Instead, Hercules goes into the circle, presumably making him mortal, and then he brings some of the immortality-killing fire ALLLLLL THE WAYYYYY back to Cheiron's house to make a new circle there.

Before we get to that, small tangent - Zeus, seeing Hercules weakened by entering the circle, wants to go in and get him out, but knows it will make him mortal. And there's actually a point where he claims he's going to do it anyway, but then Hera intervenes to make a path for Zeus so it won't kill him. I'm like... really confused about their relationship, haha. You hate your husband's child because he's proof of the infidelity, to the point you want him dead, but you won't harm your husband who did the cheating? Talk about misplaced anger. I hate this plot so much JFC.

Anyway, as I said, Hercules then takes this magic fire with him to Cheiron.

He doesn't tell Cheiron what it will do.

This infuriated me???

Cheiron's clearly tried a lot of Herc's failed remedies, but not telling him that the fire will make him mortal seems like SUCH A DICK MOVE. What if Cheiron changed his mind about wanting to be mortal? It wasn't an informed consent, that's all I'm saying.

All's well that ends well, though. Cheiron was actually happy, and it healed him, too, I guess. It made him human, and there's this moment where his wife seems kinda put off/unsure about his new human body, and I was amused by that.

So we end the movie with everyone happy and mortal.

Does Hercules remain mortal?

If we assume him going into the circle actually made him mortal, does he stay that way? I swear there's an episode set in modern times where he's still alive, but I didn't actually watch the whole episode so I could be wrong, haha.

Does he still have his demi-god strength? He must, right? He's totally strong on the show from what I remember. Just what about his godly-heritage is stripped by this fire? I don't know. Maybe this whole thing is forgotten about or handwaved later. I guess I'll find out.

My current predictions/thoughts:

Deianeira is going to die before the show starts or early on.

Herc is gonna get back his immortality, possibly for plot reasons.

Iolaus. Where is Iolaus? Is Anya going to die? I want Iolaus in the story again already, yeeeesh.

Herc said "What the hell" a lot in this movie, and like, not to nitpick, but... do they have "hell" in the strictest sense? IDK why I noticed this, but I did.

I like Hercules, the character. I liked him a lot in this movie. I liked that he was able to stand his ground on what was important without ever being unkind or unreasonable. Even when he was in conflict with people, he was compassionate, which is more what I would expect from him after watching some of Young Hercules. I didn't get that as much in the last couple movies.

All the characters felt a lot more human and well-rounded in this movie (compared to the last two); good job writers.

I actually liked this movie and would watch it again!

[wolf-innsheepsclothing]

Laura's RP Questionnaire 2023

Your Name: Laura Characters: Hercules Kouros, Jessica Wright, Jeremy J. Johnson, Wolfgang Amadeus.

Pick one of your characters and talk about their growth (we recommend choosing an older character, but it’s up to you!) What about their story has surprised you? What are you proud of? How have they changed from their original inception to now?

Jeremy! Ok he’s had a busy year really, without me noticing or really intending to! I loved getting to go through his coming out arc and exploring what that looked like with his concerns about his family and friends, but ultimately finding a lot of acceptance and happiness in the decision. So that’s always something that is lovely to explore. Then of course he’s also been grappling with some big decisions about his life - and accepting that while his course is great, and valuable, and important, it’s not what sets his soul alight. The contrast between the play and the internship was really something I wanted to try and demonstrate that with. Ultimately it played out with surprisingly little fanfare because I wasn’t really giving it my full attention over summer, but I hope that it was still satisfying for you all as audience.   Jere always surprised me with his intensity of feeling. He’s supposed to be my super-chill go with the flow muse, but I guess Canon!Jeremy fought aliens with his gf so I shouldn’t be surprised he’s a ride or die kind of person. That of course ultimately has made it painful for him to now be in the situation where his relationship hasn’t worked out, and I want to pay tribute to that and let him mourn, let him write some songs and process those feelings in the way he does best. He’s also been so much kinder than I would have anticipated. He is really empathetic towards people and I love having a character like that in the dorms because in this simmering pot of hormones he is kind and caring and calm.  So I think overall he’s become a much richer and more three dimensional person, and I hope to continue that into the next year!

Pick another character (or the same character if you only have one) and talk a little about where you WANT them to go. What are your plans for them going into the new year? 

Jessie - The back half of the year has been pretty quiet for Jessie so I want to address her for this. After decades of never sticking in one place for long, she’s finally staying put. No wonder she’s kinda exhausted and has been taking things slow. But I’d like to shake that up a little, moving forward. Obviously first off we have her new coven-situation with Dian, which means her assuming a more proactive role in local vampire activity. I’d like to explore this because she never really felt she had much say in things in the Round Up days, and her being the more leadership figure here is an interesting point of difference for her. I also want her to keep negotiating the tricky world of having human relationships and interactions with people again. She’s allowed a very small number in at this point, but always a little at arms length.  That will be something a little bit tricky and I will have to look at each of those relationships in turn and really think about what will work for them because there’s no single key to getting her to open up.  Also I want to plan a heist for her, I have already discussed this briefly with a view to making it happen. I’d love to see her brain in action and like, regain some of her passion and excitement to kick her out of the slump she’s been in. But also I know that writing her sometimes leans into the softer sides of her character and I’d love to play with her mischief and her brains and her sneakiness. 

Pick a thread or a plot that you’re proud of and talk about why you loved it. 

Hercules’ Pandemonium Arc - firstly because I struggle with plotting. Genuinely I am very slow to create plots in my brain, and that plot (because of the nature of the event) had to come together quite quickly. I took my plot calls, discussed and organised and turned it into a pretty coherent narrative of the night for Hercules. For me personally I am really proud of that, and of grabbing that opportunity when it came up. I also think it showcased the very best of him; brave and strong and determined to protect other people. That really cut through his usual narrative of self-doubt and self-esteem issues and reminded me like, there is steel underneath here, there is so much heart, it’s just slowly peeling back the layers to let it shine.

Wolf’s Murder Assist/Fallout- My first big plot drop! Baby’s first felony! I’ve never been involved in a plot like this while I’ve been in the RP so this was a first. I am also proud of the writing I did during those threads. I hope that it came across to the reader as I tried to flesh out what was happening and Wolf’s side of that experience. I am also really proud of how I have worked with the aftermath of that because I always want to be exploring the consequences of actions, how that affects people and how it is a larger part of their story. 

In terms of your own writing, identify 1-3 things you love to write about (metaphors? Sibling relationships? Physical description?) and talk about why you enjoy it! 

Sensory details. I don’t think I realised this until recently, but one of the amazing things about RP is that you have so much more room than conventional literature to focus on the little things. This is, ironically, genuinely something I have picked up from my academic writing where I did a lot of sense-based analysis to explore actual environments from the past and how they were experienced. But I love to add those details; what is the weather doing, what effect does that have on a person, what sights and sounds and smells are happening. Movement too, like… if a pair of characters are going out for a coffee, how are they moving? Are they eating their pastry keenly, are they picking at it, are they too engrossed and forgot it all together. That stuff really adds richness to me and I hope to you all too. 

Smut.* You know what, unironically. I know we’ve been talking about it a lot lately so maybe it's just on my mind but genuinely I find it fun to write. I find it fun to explore intimacy in all of its different forms because that’s what smut is! Even the most casual of hook-ups is about characters putting themselves in a physical or emotionally vulnerable place, and we can see a lot about the individual characters based on that, or about how their dynamic works! Like snowflakes, every one is different. It can be an amazing way of showing a different side to characters, or it can just be fun! Obviously mostly this is something I have explored with Herc but who knows, new year might bring new things. As I type this I also realise that like… I think that has the potential, in future, once he’s less heart-broken, to be something interesting for Jeremy. He’d confirmed his romantic attraction to men but he’s never really explored his sexual attraction to men. So a new horizon for him maybe one day and a very different experience to write about.

Unlikely Friendships! So the thing about playing any character really, but especially my ‘nice guys’ is that I am sometimes paranoid about them being too boring. Because in fiction, a nice person can really easily lack the ‘spark’ that brings them to life, they don’t have the kind of intense confrontational relationships that really crackle and pop. But what they do offer is those unlikely friendships. Jeremy has had a tonne of these; Candace, Vanessa, Marie, his whole dynamic with Pip, many more, but other characters do too (Jessie and Roz springs to mind, Wolf and King, Herc and … all of his female friends). I think that sometimes putting together characters who you would never assume work and just being a little patient with it can create the most wonderful friendships and I love exploring them.

What major updates have your characters gone through this year? (For example: beginning/ending a relationship, moving, starting a new job, adopting a pet, etc). Think if it as anything you would have put in the #character-updates channel. If you have a pinned post, consider adding these updates so everyone is aware of them in the future.

Hercules - said bye to Michael :( which was sad, but their whole friendship meant so much to him it is very precious to me. Hired Evy. Fired Evy - this was a much bigger landmark, its the first time he’s ever had to fire a staff member as the boss. He feels horrible, but is stepping into that role. PANDEMONIUM also saw him defending his business, and innocent people in what was a big moment for him, he played the hero for a bit and used his powers and saw them as something other than destructive for a change. Has grappled with complicated feelings about Gen and about how to deal with intense romantic attraction that hasn’t, sadly, panned out for him. He’s maybe not coping in the healthiest ways. 

Jessie - Moved to The Woods. This was a big step, her choosing to stop moving for a while and its left her pretty exhausted, combined with all other events that have happened. She helped to look after 3 of the Morey boys during PANDEMONIUM and revealed a different side to herself, which brought up a lot of past issues. Her and Nick’s friendship has deepened. Bullseye is back in her life <3 she is trying to navigate that and her and Dian’s newly agreed to coven. 

Jeremy - Started secretly dating Pip! Came out! Started openly dating Pip! Tried to navigate new relationship! Befriended Penny to help Pip’s career! Made friends with Mirabel his study bud <3  Got cast as lead in the play by accident! Did an internship at DevTech! Hated it! Had sense talked into him by Pip and Candace! Told his parents he wants to pursue music after university! It went worse than the coming out! Argued with Pip about Penny! Ultimately broke up because he feels Pip couldn’t let him into his life

Wolf: He came. He saw. He brooded. He got embroiled in protecting the Inn from a plot to threaten Snow out of selling her bone-blood to vampires, but ultimately failed. He was shot while trying to protect Snow, with a tourmaline bullet so he almost bled out on Ting’s sofa (mvp). He has been trying to ensure the cover-up stays covered-up with varying degrees of success. He needs a nap. 

Talk about your dash reply style and your Discord reply style! (And if applicable, also your doc reply style). What do you like about each type of interaction? What is something you feel is difficult? Do you have preferences regarding how many times you’re tagged per day, or do you prefer for your replies to be queued for a certain amount of time?

Dash - I am fairly consistent. My default style. I like to try to get to every character at least once a day and tackle replies in blocks where I can sink into the character vibe. I sometimes ‘manage’ my replies to not bombard the same people if I’m doing a lot of catching up. If people ever want to go back and forth on a thread please ask, because I will assume a ‘1 a day’ stance otherwise but would love to bounce around more if people want!

Discord - I have actively got worse at discord events, I am sorry. I think it’s because I am more distracted in the evenings watching tv in the background. But I want to get back into the habit more because our discord events are such a great opportunity for off-the-cuff plotting or character moments and I love that. 

Docs - generally I use docs for either surpriiiiiiiiiiiise plots to maintain secrecy and ensure pieces are sorted out in advance, or for things that might be intense or triggering (this can vary from emotional intensity to like… if it’s just smut and even though the read-mores are easier these days it can still be a bit more efficient to just use 1 doc and have a clean flow. Gotta remember what everyone's hands are doing). But I’m always down!

As for replies to me - have at it! I love replies, they are little gifts to me! I have nothing else in my life right now. Go for it. If I am behind on replies or something, then you may notice I am slower getting back to you, but I never mind being given the replies. I am also happy to accommodate schedules - need something rushed, let me know I’ll put a note in my little system

And now, a wishlist! Jot down a few themes or stories or genres etc that you want to maybe pursue in the upcoming year! (i.e. a good ol’ fashion forbidden romance, maybe you want to dig deep into racial identity etc) This doesn’t have to necessarily be attached to any characters or stories you have now– it’s just meant to help you see for yourself what kind of stories call to your heart.

I say this, aware I have spent the last few days essentially trying to pimp Hercules out, but I would love to see him have a genuine romance. He’s had a little bit of a taste of that this year, and is perhaps admitting to himself more that its something he wants. He wants to have a proper relationship, he wants to get married, have a family (not that that all happens immediately unless he’s very lucky), and that starts by opening himself up to genuine romantic connection beyond the purely sexual. Other than that its about continuing growth - he’s stepped more and more into his role as boss this year, quietly and steadily. He’s overseen hiring, firing, he’s supported his staff and got the gym through renovations and is even putting his own stamp on the reception. I’d like to see him start to realise that … he’s the man.  Jeremy I want to explore his music more. He’s admitted it to himself, he’s admitted it to his parents, so it’s time to start making waves! I have a few ideas and I need to sit down and chat to a few people about making them happen. Let’s see him follow his passion. He’s also going to be losing some of the closest friends he’s got at uni with graduations this year, so I think maybe exploring some of those feelings of loneliness and impermanence that are often a part of the university experience would be interesting.  Wolf I need to keep finding ways to pull him into the real world. It will be a struggle to keep him from withdrawing again and trying to keep that aloof detachment he loves so much, but I want to force him to do that. I also want to at least start sowing the seeds of him being revealed to the local werewolves, and exploring the very rich seam of angst that is ‘outsider and traitor living working for vampires but is one of us.’ I want to explore that isolation from the community he primarily identified himself with for most of his life, and unpack some of those issues. I can’t promise it will make him friendlier, but it will be interesting to see how some of those scars lie on him.  Jessie … as I said above, it’s going to be about continuing to unravel her in different time streams past and present. I’d like to see her laugh more again.  A threesome. Let's make it happen people.

OPTIONAL: Why do you RP?

So last year I talked about how I had started rping again as a way to work through some issues I was having with writer’s block on the thesis, and tackling some of my perfectionism issues. Having successfully done that I guess … I am here just for the love of it! It's kind of the thing keeping me sane right now, and I hope it will continue to be a companion when I finally do get a job and no-doubt have to uproot my life again.

*(Some smut acts I particularly enjoy writing and if you choose to take them as suggestions then I bear no legal responsibility but come see me, k?: 

Oral (blow jobs or eating out - giving especially)

Face sitting - this is a bit of a Herc specific one but someone sitting on his face makes him a very happy boy he can stay there all day. 

Mildish kink (Herc has proven that he likes to be tied up, he likes people to be rough with him, to tell him he’s being good… generally he’s a bit submissive and works very hard to please. So please let him. For other characters? Honestly don’t know but always something to explore).

Messy, desperate kinda sex, you know? I feel I haven’t done enough of that yet, the ‘We gotta get somewhere private immediately no time to get undressed’ kind.

Smut I'd like to write more of: m/m with the exception of Phil I haven't written much! Just generally exploring stuff more! Happy to take suggestions tbh. Maybe let's see Hercules in his ‘tease’ era (they can put him in his place afterwards). Rail him. I think we should see Herc get absolutely railed. For science. 

[drawnecromancy]

I'm trying to get a feel for what kind of person Lumeria is, and what her vibe with the Emperor is, honestly. Because I've established that she's the person he misses so much that it's going to destroy him (more than he already is, that is).

But Lumeria is kind of a mystery to me for now.

She isn't a mage - she never learned how to use magic - but she is a Vannean scholar, which is almost the same thing. As in, she's an expert in the Vannean Magical Notation System (usually just called the Vannean System), and could in theory teach and learn any magic that has been written down. She can also write down things herself.

I think... Eventually, she starts studying the Emperor's powers more closely than anyone else. Why not, after all ? He lets her do it, he seems to genuinely like being around her (but she tries not to think too much about that), and there's layers to what he can do, interesting challenges for any Vannean scholar. There's a good chance that his powers are the key to destroying him. But it does involve long periods of time of just... Being around the Emperor. Which she doesn't enjoy.

As it turns out, he really likes to be able to use his powers in any other setting than "killing people because they annoy me". He is interested in whatever idea or challenge Lumeria presents him to figure out all the tiny bits that compose his powers. To him, it's new, it's different, it's something he would have done himself because he never really learned the Vannean System.

And when you see someone so much, eventually, you talk. Lumeria talks about her childhood, her friends, the why of the rebellion. She talks of all the people he murdered and does not shy away from making him feel bad about it. He apologizes, eventually, but there's nothing that can bring them back. Unless, of course, there was a way to tweak his powers to make other people come back to life, but that would likely involve finding them new bodies and... And by that point Lumeria is already reviewing her notes and taking his joke seriously.

They could fix it. They could bring everyone back.

The Emperor hesitates, of course. They all tried to kill him. But it was a useless thing, to murder all of them, and they were Lumeria's friends, and he loves Lumeria. He could do this for her if they created the right spell. So he learns the Vannean System specifically to assist her in this task.

And while they work together, while she pushes him to be a slightly better person as much as she can, eventually he talks too.

Of the few broken memories he has of his own youth. He talks about Realva and the other gods, he tells her about being Cenaldir, and how even back then he didn't ever really think he was in the wrong. He talks about Malvern, and his vengeance, and how he even became the Emperor, how his obsession with perfecting himself happened. There's cracks everywhere and he's vaguely starting to understand that he's the one who put them here. He's slowly coming around to the idea that he could in fact treat others better and be rewarded with being liked. Slowly accepting that sometimes, if feedback is consistent enough, yeah, you're an asshole, and you can do better.

I think it's what makes Lumeria not hate him. Not the backstory. But the spark, the possibility of him becoming better. She doesn't have to put in all of this work, in fact she just wanted to figure out how to kill him and be done, but eventually it goes on the back burner while they work together to bring her loved ones back, and she gets him to be kinder, to stop killing people out of overpowered boredom.

And they're so close, too, when she dies. There's a draft in her files that could be a functional spell. They didn't get the time to experiment properly with it before she died.

And this, is the very spell the Emperor unearths to make the Adventurer and the Mage come back, all these years later. He barely modifies it - he doesn't have the heart to do this alone and the Mage would never help him with that - and it's largely experimental. But it works.

Although he's not sure of that for several centuries still.

[not-that-blog]

So sometimes the weirdest impacts from DV happen a long time after you're free of them. But also, sometimes the realisation that a lot of your relationships were just getting more and more unhealthy until you landed in the relationship that was DV is also really really hard and you start questioning how long you'd been ignoring abuse.

And the thing is, I didn't realise how much I'd been holding onto the lie that them hurting me, physically hurting me and not caring, didn't mean they didn't love me, because while I'd never do that, maybe their trauma just meant different and they needed help and etc.

Until my current partner stopped and instantly looked after me and was way more concerned with the fact that I was in pain than what had been happening.

And my survival narrative broke. I couldn't pretend that I hadn't been enough to overcome my ex's traumas and that they maybe somehow loved me. Because they couldn't have. I knew some of my kinder ex's didn't fully love me we were just young and not mentally ready to love and last... but I didn't realise how much the ex fiancé who assaulted me specifically, really stuck in my head. And I just broke down sobbing because what else could I do and he just held me.

This man loves me, like without a doubt, loves and adores me and has for a while. Not just because he's so loving that he breaks my survival narrative around my ex (which was my ex's 'reasons') that I clung onto to cope with the abuse because I couldn't handle it... but because this man holds me in his sleep and snuggles into me and clings to me gently. He gives me forehead kisses and looks at me like the most beautiful person in the world. This man had a crisis of sexuality and ended up coming out because he loves me. He puts effort into making sure he sees me and that I feel safe showing all of myself to him. He is genuinely kind and caring and wonderful and I am so so in love with him.

And yeah, a lot of the things that break my brain after DV are not the big romantic gestures, because *redacted name of abusive ex's at any random pick* would do those too. It's what as he very lovingly points out sometimes are the things that are the bare minimum in relationships. That basic love and respect for your partner and their safety and autonomy. Because you don't get that in DV, your safety doesn't matter to them unless they're able to yell at you for how you do or don't prioritise it.

Realising that I'm loved and respected and appreciated and cared for and safe is such a blessing and also something that I wasn't prepared for how it would shatter my entire world a little bit because I could no longer pretend everything that I experienced was somewhat justified because it happened to me and I just wasn't enough (because after hearing that for long enough you do start to internalise it) and suddenly I realised there's no way they ever loved me, because my partner loves and adores me fully, they couldn't even hate me to do that to me because neither of us would wish that pain even on those we hate most... but they genuinely had to not care at all, not even a little bit, because you can't care and do that. You have to see someone as human and care about them a bit to hate them over indifference... and it can't even be indifference... they just really don't care about anything but themselves and it's terrifying af.

Like literally kills me to realise how long I spent trying to love someone who never ever was going to love me back and in all honesty would've gotten bored eventually and killed me. And they almost did. And I am realising that I did in fact date someone who I will not be surprised when I one day see she murdered someone because she tried and would have killed me if she had the chance and I think my ex fiancé, I think he would've too.

I dated people who are almost absolutely going to end up being murderers and I was almost their victim and I am absolutely terrified of how much I let their version of events into mine.

And my partner broke that illusion and I am so so grateful for him and glad that I finally get to be loved.

[anne-i-write]

moriarty the patriot headcannons pt. 1

| requested by anon: Can you write about all male characters in moriarty has a same look of their  children and hpw many children they want? |

william x reader; louis x reader; albert x reader; sebastian x reader; fred x reader

word count: 2397

pt. 2: 221b boys

a/n: I DONT KNOW WHY I DIDNT WRITE THIS EARLIER IM SO SORRY THIS REQUEST HAS LITERALLY BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR SO LONG I AM SO SORRY I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS

william: 487 words

with his whole plan to clean the world of the filthy nobles, william never really stopped to think about having children

well, until he met you

you both were in town one day and he saw you fondly watching a child speak with her mother

“i think two children would be nice”

“i didn’t even ask”

“i know, but the look you gave that mother was telling enough”

n e ways he is a simp and he did eventually give you what you wanted

fast forward a few years, you have two children: a boy and a girl

and they look exactly like their father

like,, it lowkey pains you how much they physically take after their father

you wanted to be like “oh they have your personality, but they look just like me!”

no

granted, your son took after you in an emotional sense but your daughter was a daddy’s girl through and through

like she looks like him, she acts like him, speaks like him, she even EATS like him

ok but the men w your children

fred is a freaking sweetheart ok

like he’ll watch over the kids when no one has the time and they love him too so they’ll help out in the garden which you are SO thankful for

tbh they only like uncle albert bc he brings them lil trinkets from when he gets back from london LMAO

louis doesn’t show it, but he absolutely adores your children and makes extra snacks for them at tea time

you caught onto this at one point bc for some REASON your kids would not stop bouncing off of the walls before bed and they told you uncle louis gave them chocolate

and sebastian loves messing w your kids bc,,, sebastian

but he accidentally made your son cry ONCE and he was at the mercy of every adult in the moriarty estate including the boy’s younger sister

needless to say, he watched his actions and words around your children after that

now, william

i’m just gonna say this straight out: most of the men never really thought about having kids (save john and albert)

but when you finally had kids, william had a different outlook on life

like fr,, this man works overtime now trying to get rid of the filth that is called nobles

he doesn’t want his kids to be raised in a world where just because you have more money than another means you get to look down on them

you still instill in them those good morals ofc

he also tries to be very present in their lives since he and his brother were raised as orphans

when he was younger, he didn’t mind it all much

but now that he had this small family and a brighter future, he did everything in his power to make sure they’re happy and grow up in a cleaner and kinder world

louis: 320 words

it took you a week to get him to at LEAST humor you

“if you could, how many kids do you want?”

“none”

like, this guy is so dedicated to his brother and his cause it is a WONDER you somehow wormed your way into his heart

but you did and honestly, the brothers are actually very happy that you’re with them

william especially

louis rarely emotes but when you came into their lives, you got louis pissed at one point and everyone was like,,,, wtf?? he has emotions???

anyways, his answer is one kid LMAO

and when you get that one kid, he looks just like louis

yall already KNOW that he’s ready to die for that child as soon as louis holds him in his arms

the only kid sebastian wouldnt even try to mess with

he can deal with william’s albert’s or fred’s kids but louis lowkey intimidates him so he’s as nice as he can be

that being said, louis teaches his kid how to properly handle stuff around the house

you want to cry bc ur son is just so??? the little kid just loves helping out no matter how small the task and he’s just so cute it hurts

even sebastian’s kinda like,, “aight he’s the only kid i will tolerate”

louis grew up with only his brothers so he also wants to give his son a shot at a normal family

is actually aware at how he thinks he’s indispensable for william’s cause and he doesn’t want his son to end up like him

he also teaches his son some badass fighting moves

oh and louis smiles a lot more too

cried bc his son saw the scar he got on his cheek, rubbed some dirt on his lil face and said “i have daddy’s cool scar now”

all in all his son is the best thing to happen to all of you

albert: 505 words

same as louis in the fact that it takes him a week to answer

“you know you haven’t even answered my question”

“i’m sorry, what did you say?”

“how many kids do you want?”

genuinely takes time to ponder that question

he hadn’t thought of that since his family adopted william and louis

but with you?

“i think two darling girls who take after their mother is enough for me”

pls he’d be so sweet 🥺🥺🥺

you two end up having a girl and a boy, who look just like their father

and tbh, you’re not even mad

you love them so much so when albert comes back north, the three of you are ecstatic

the happiness was short lived for albert tho

he found his son spending time with william and there’s nothing bad right????

“where’s your sister?”

“she’s with mr. moran”

his heart DROPPED

out of all the people in the manor

HIM

he sees the two running around the garden

it all happened as soon as albert’s daughter went up to sebastian and said “you’re very pretty! you’re my knight now!”

he decided to “adopt” the little girl and now he’s lowkey whipped

you found albert staring at sebastian playing with his daughter and updated him about everything going on

“but him??”

“he’s just a big softie for her let it go”

isn’t really surprised when he finds out they can fight a little

actually glad that they can hold their own, God forbid anything happens to them

otherwise mi6 has to deal w family matters lmao

“albert, she only tripped”

“you shouldve seen the fear in her eyes as she fell”

“IT WAS A STRAY COBBLESTONE”

would raise hell if anyone even THOUGHT ill of his kids

william and louis are the doting uncles

william more so than louis bc your kids have never seen louis smile

now they’re on a mission to make uncle louis smile

louis was on child duty one day and they managed to slip away

omyGOD he was stressed but also,, extremely worried

so when he found them he had the most genuine smile on his face

your daughter was like (・∀・)

she loves uncle louis

ofc your son adores his dad like,,, who else wouldn't feel awesome at the age of 10 if you found out your dad was a high ranking general

feels superior to sebastian bc of his dad

lmao this 4’5 kid thinks he can rule sebastian for some odd reason

the house is always dirty bc him and sebastian always prank each other

your daughter is trying to catch a butterfly but she can’t so fred helps

instantly loves fred

“is that what heartbreak is”

“i guess that’s what happens when you try to get close to my kids colonel”

albert is kind of afraid of turning into his dad but he has you and everyone else to remind him that: no you are not your father, you are so much better than him

loves your family with his entire being

sebastian: 844 words

“i see you looking at those kids and the answer is none”

lmao you’ll get so pouty around him bc you want kids dammit

that and he spoils you to no end so that's why you’re pouty lol

“fine we’ll only do one kid and bc one kid is all i can tolerate”

bruh

this man gives you three in four years LMFAO

two boys a year apart and a girl in the fourth year

you wanted to smack sebastian

when the two boys grew up, it was obvious they were already taking after their father in the physical sense

it was terrifying

they genuinely look like mini sebastians and you know everyone in the manor is afraid that you two birthed satan

and the satan was your eldest one

he’s just a feral sebastian moran in a tiny body

your second son, god bless him, looked just like his father but with fred’s temperament

and see, you were fine with your sons looking like their father

it was FINE right

you prayed to God that your third child would have at least some physical resemblance to you

your daughter was birthed, she grew up

and you cried

“HOW DO THEY ALL LOOK LIKE YOU”

“i’ve got some strong genetics, baby”

you sulk for a lil bit

but you accept it anyway because you love your goddamn kids

thankfully, your second and youngest child are both soft spoken and it's only your husband and his tiny clone bringing hell to earth

smacking sebastian bc all of your children suddenly started swearing up a storm at each other

“WHYD YOU HIT ME”

“YOURE THE ONLY ONE WHO SWEARS AROUND THE KIDS”

finally sitting down and trying to convince them to stop swearing

“father does it!”

“your father’s stupid”

speaking of your daughter

she’s his little princess and no he will not take criticism

spoils her more than he spoils you

did she glance at a toy at a passing store?

he buys more toys than he should from said store

you have to physically hide some of his money bc there is only so much you can buy

and her older brothers are so caring you want to sob

if a person accidentally shoved her over bc she was tiny and they couldn’t see her

oh boy

get ready to restrain them like chihuahuas

“little sister will be protected at all costs”

since his second son is so different from him, sebastian actively makes time to talk about what the little boy is doing and what he’s getting from it

doesn’t want to be pushy and suffocating like his dad was so when his younger kid does want to be left alone to his devices, sebastian does so

but honestly loves that your second son is so literate

lddhsajdsfk what yall dont know is that they’re all in cahoots

kinda funny to see them all together bc they all take after their father so much it's like having three tiny sebastians go around town

anyways,,,, yall know the promised neverland right

you got ray, norman, and emma

granted one of them wasn’t as smart as ray but he definitely knew what stealth was

regular sibling rivalry was still a thing but if they could smell the pudding from the kitchen, they know they have to work together

sebastian caught his eldest smuggling biscuits into a small bag

he had half a mind to scold him

but then he ended up giving tips TO ALL HIS CHILDREN on how not to get caught next time—

bc of this they beg him to tell them some stories from afghanistan bc “there’s no way a man as old as dad knows this many stealth tactics”

louis is so fed up lmao

albert is in london most of the time so he just thanks the lord that he doesn’t have to deal w the propaganda that sebastian feeds his children about how “mr. albert is a bad man”

william is fine w it as long as they don’t trash the library

your younger ones love the library so they would cry at the thought of one of the books losing any of the pages

your second and your daughter are definitely the moriartys’ favorites

they don’t show it, but you just KNOW

your eldest could care less about that though

as long as you and his father still love him

and of course you both do

and fred is definitely your youngers favorite

they like to hang out in the garden

ok they still fight all the time though

just because your second child is soft spoken doesn't mean he’s afraid to throw hands

their sister likes to join in for the hell of it

but if someone wrongs any of the children

just because the younger ones are the moriartys’ favorite, doesn’t mean that they’re not gonna hunt someone down if they even think about trying to hurt the eldest too

yeah,,, good luck to them and their families

they got the entire moriarty estate coming after them

fred: 241 words

cmon yall are like,, young

but you did ask him bc you were curious if he thought about it

he wants one

and when yall do have the kid, you guys actually do have one kid and its a girl

since you both are young, you can immediately see a resemblance between her and her father

everyone who meets her would die for her

ABSOLUTE CUTIE

especially when she walks around the garden w her hand in her dad’s and he’s showing her all the plants and telling her how to take care of them

needless to say she grows up loving plants

any type of plant

the boys love giving her flowers or anything from bc she has the biggest smile every single time

no matter if it’s just a single rose or a rock

this was found out one time when sebastian gave her a rock bc everyone else had given her like,, two roses each

was afraid she was gonna cry

“thank you so much mr. moran! i will treasure this until i get old!”

she was like 4 at the time

and had the widest smile you’ve ever seen on her

guys u don’t understand she smiles a lot but this was like,, genuine happiness

but everyone was just,, i will destroy the world and myself if anything happens to her

fr it’s just sunshines and rainbows every single time she’s around

everyone just loves her ok

moriarty the patriot general taglist: @zoehanji

[yyxgin]

my only hate, my only love (kim seungmin)

pairing: kim seungmin x fem! reader genre: enemies to lovers au, highschool au             angst, fluff word count: 11 k requested by: @joons-asscrack​ warnings: swearing, mentions of broken home 

synopsis: A high school Shakespeare club angrily splits into two groups when they can’t agree on the correct interpretation of Romeo and Juliet. One group thinks it’s a cautionary tale about the stupidity of youth and shallow lust; the other group of youth thinks it’s a beautiful tragedy about poisonous hatred conquered by love. Reconciliation seems impossible-- then a person from one group falls in love with a person from the other. 

(this dea is not mine !! I found it on pinterest under the tumblr user @/sarah531, however, i looked for the account and couldn’t find it. if you have any idea what the current @ of the owner of this prompt is, please let me know !!)

I actually used a lot of passages from this essay of Romeo and Juliet since I didn’t actually read it, all passages of the characters that talk about the play and are in italics belong to the rightful owner of this essay.

1.

“A glooming peace this morning with it brings. The sun, for sorrow, will not show his head. Go hence, to have more talk of these sad things. Some shall be pardoned, and some punished. For never was a story of more woe than this of Juliet and her Romeo.” your voice resonates in the quiet classroom, your words followed by more silence as you drop to your seat and close the book, placing it onto your table. The reality sinks in as the entirety of your English literature class doesn’t dare to say a word, the moment you finish reading the oh so famous Shakespearen drama making everyone lose themselves in their thoughts.

Your professor looks you in the eye, smiling a little. “So? What did you think about it?” she asks, moving her glasses further up her nose with her pointer finger, gazing onto the few people that actually chose this class as their subject of choice just to get more credit. You liked reading, to be honest. Everything about this class seemed inviting-- there were only a few people there and those that did actually care about the literature itself enough were thoughtful enough to hold a proper conversation with. You actually made friends with a lot of your classmates, your brains working at the same frequency as your shared ex gifted child burnout syndrome draped over your brains way too often after arriving to high school, making you connect on another level as you tried to soothe each other’s nerves and be there for each other. It was no secret that only the biggest of nerds went to the English literature classes, but you were okay with that idea.

You snort out a laugh, raising up your eyebrows in amusement. Your classes were always open for discussions, so you didn’t even have to raise your hand to speak-- one of the perks of being the professor’s favorite. You open your mouth to begin talking, when a voice cuts you off, beginning the discussion instead.

“Well, I think it was pretty,” mumbles a boy from the corner of the room, the only one you didn’t even particularly like in this whole class, making you roll your eyes. It was hard, being in the class of your favorite professor when you had to fight over being her favorite student with Kim Seungmin himself-- the devoted dandy boy, the member of the book club, the student council president. You despised everything about him only from one sole reason-- he was the top of the class. That was enough for you to hate him. 

You’re asking why? Well, you were supposed to be the top of the class, of course. And you were, for the main part. You didn’t share any other classes with him, making it easy for you to ignore his existence, but it just so happened that your favorite class also had to be the one where you had to see his face so often.

He was your moral enemy.

“Care to tell us more, Seungmin?” professor Jung asks, motioning for your classmate to continue speaking, to tell her all of his thoughts. You knew Romeo and Juliet must have been her favorite play by the smile on her face, eager to hear all of your reviews and thought processes while reading the piece.

“Well, I think it was quite poetic. Tragic, even. I like the way Shakespeare portrayed the prejudice and ending of a long conflict just with the power of love.” he nods, licking his lips after his bold statement, making you laugh out loud this time. 

All the eyes of your classmates turn to you, even your seatmate-- ever so laid-back and chilled out Han Jisung furrows his brows at your sudden outburst. You were never the one to turn attention your way in classes, the sight of you not reddening under the gazes of the people in the room nowhere to be seen surprising even you.

“Is there something funny, Y/N?” asks the professor, calling you by your first name. You liked the way it sounded, cringing at every teacher that called you by your last name as if you were a legal adult with your life figured out. This seemed more friendly-- it seemed kinder, even. You liked the way it made it feel like your professor actually cared about your opinion.

“I think there is, yes,” you nod, giggling to yourself again. 

“And what is that?” she seems intrigued, taking a few steps to your desk, listening to what you have to say.

“Well, I think what he said is ridiculous.” you point out, a shock spreading on your professor’s features, making you continue. “The only thing tragic about this whole play is how Shakespere portrayed the fake image of love. I mean, Juliet was only 13, don’t you think it was a bit early to get married to a man? After a day, that is?” you explain, intriguing your classmates even more.

“It was the 16th century. It was normal to get married young back then,” mumbled your enemy, Kim Seungmin from his seat, locking his eyes with you through the classroom. 

“Of course I know that,” you ironically smile at him, rolling your eyes in the process and looking back at your professor with a genuine smile this time, explaining more of your point of view, “I think it portrays girls as boy-crazy. Like love is everything they are made of and that they are worthless without a partner-- and that’s why Juliet chose to kill herself. If anything, I think it portrays the stupidity of the youth the most.” 

“So you think she was stupid just because she killed herself upon seeing her loved one dead?” Seungmin’s brows are raised now, looking at you as if he was mocking you.

“Well, Romeo did the same thing, so yes. I think it was stupid of them. They were reckless, the whole situation was. How could they know they were in love when this all happened in one day? Nobody can fall in love that quickly.” you mutter, shaking your head in disbelief.

“I think the play portrayed love at first sight beautifully,” grins Seungmin, the teasing smirk on his face bothering you so much you want to wipe it off his face. Is he really that ridiculous?

“There’s no such thing. And what were the families doing, after all? Arguing without even knowing why? For all we know, their ancestors may have hated themselves because they accidentally took their cow and they decided to kill each other for that?” you scoffed, your voice raising increasingly.

“Now that’s ridiculous.” rolls his eyes Seungmin, taking you over the edge, your voice raising with every spoken word.

“Your view of love is ridiculous. If I knew the boy I was eyeing was my family’s enemy, I wouldn’t bat an eye before dropping him, but no, she chose to marry the guy. Did she really have such twisted morals?” you scoff, a part of your class laughing at your outburst.

You hear a few quiet, amused ‘yeah’s and ‘she’s actually right’s from everywhere around you, only flooding your ego more as you recognise that your point of view is shared by more people and you aren’t actually crazy. 

“I think love is more important than rivalry.” speaks Seungmin, cocking his head to a side, teasing you just by the look on his face, your eyes scanning his features as you hear a few other comments from your classmates around you. Some girls even go as far as cooing at his romantic statement, making you laugh and roll your eyes at them. Were they all this ridiculous? 

“She was thirteen!” you argue, screaming. That is all that takes professor Jung to interfere your heated discussion, clapping her hands in authority, making everyone’s heads snap to her figure standing in front of the classroom with an amused look on her face. 

“Looks like we have quite the discussion here,” she points out, seeing your angered face. 

“Yeah, because Seungmin’s point of view is stupid!” you grunt, making her point a scolding look into your skull that almost makes you shrink in your seat in embarrassment.

“Y/N, no one’s point of view is stupid. Literature is all about the impertretation,” she states, earning a few nods and hums from your interested classmates, “now, who agrees with Y/N’s interpretation of the play?”

A few hands shoot out into the air, Jisung’s following as you angrily nudge him into his side, making you grin. No way your friend is going to support your moral enemy’s idea-- he was your friend, after all. Something inside of you is telling you that this whole feud wasn’t only about the play anymore,. You were fighting with Kim Seungmin, and that was enough to keep you standing by your point.

“And who agrees with Seungmin’s interpretation?” she asks again, searching through the classroom. It seems like the amount of people that agree with your classmate is about the same as the amount of people that agree with you, making you annoyingly roll your eyes at the realisation that you once again didn’t manage to outpower your moral enemy. 

“I see the classroom has split into two teams,” she grins, nodding her head, “well, I did think you were going to have different opinions on this, but I didn’t think it was going to get so heated over here.” she points out, switching her gaze from you to Seungmin and back, as if to scold you and support you with your antics all at once.

“Yeah, well, it’s not my fault Y/N can’t appreciate one of the most important pieces of English literature-”

“I’m all about supporting, if it was actually good and meaningful-”

“Stop it, you two!” she scolds you, making both of you shut up and finally provide some silence in the room. “Well, since you all look like you have different opinions on the topic, let’s try a fun experiment. I was going to make you all write an essay on the play by yourselves, just like we usually do, but I think this is going to be much more fun for all of us.” she states, smiling to herself like a happy child on Christmas. You wonder what’s racing through her head as she searches through the classroom, locking eyes with you, then continuing.

“I want you all to write an essay and do a presentation on Romeo and Juliet-- you can write about anything, whether it is your ideas, what you took from the play, what is your view-point on it. But you have to write it with the person who has the exact opposite opinion on this play. So this way, we can get the story from two points of view. Let’s see what you agree on, what you don’t, make it a discussion, I don’t care, just make it make sense. Do you understand me?” she smiles and you swear you can already feel what is going on before she says it, making your head hurt and breath hitch in your throat.

“And since Seungmin and Y/N seem to have the most different opinions on this, I am picking them as a pair-- no, there’s no way for the two of you to change.” she says before you can even open your mouth to argue back, leaving you to stand up from your seat just at the time when the bell rings.

“But miss Jung-” 

“I want it done until the end of this month.” she smiles, taking her things and leaving the classroom, letting the thought sink in. You lunge yourself back to your seat, defeated and left to process the fact that you now had two weeks to work on a project with Kim Seungmin-- your biggest enemy.

A sigh escapes your seatmate’s mouth upon the scene, running his hand through his hair in frustration. “That’s what you get for always picking fights with him.”

2.

That’s how you end up in a coffee shop two blocks away from your house. You didn’t exactly ask for Kim Seungmin’s number-- you weren’t in the 2000s anymore-- you swiftly added him on Facebook in order to get this over with so you wouldn’t have to meet with him anymore. Yes, you were mad at Mrs Jung for pairing you up with him, but you still adored her and wanted to do well, so that’s why you chose to do what you had to and arranged a meeting with him.

Kim Seungmin appears in the coffee shop in his usual cozy demeanour-- oversized sweater and everything, with a backpack hanging off his shoulder and a serious look plastered on his face. He places his copy of Romeo and Juliet onto the table and sits his figure into the chair right in front of you, sighing heavily as he stares at you from under his eyelashes, voice low and defeated.

“Hi.” he greets, resting his back against the head of the chair, waiting for you to take initiative. You were the one who arranged this whole thing in the first place, so it was kind of your responsibility now in his books.

“Hello,” you cleared your throat. You felt like you were sitting there with the devil himself, just begging yourself in your head not to explode like a raging volcano with every movement he made that always somehow ended up irritating you. It was like his aura was everything you despised-- his collected way of discussing and his calm way of thinking getting on your nerves with every sigh he sent your way.

“So… how do you wanna go around this?” he asks, raising his eyebrows at you in question. 

You sigh back at him just to show him how annoyed you are by your professor’s choice of your partner, bringing your hands to rest them on the table and cracking your knuckles in nerves. You didn’t meet his eyes, you felt too intimidated to do so in the moment, before you spoke up and managed to get your point across. 

“Well, since we have to gather both of our viewpoints in the essay, I think we could just start of by telling the other one what topics we want to talk about so the other one can debunk them.” you mumble, suddenly feeling nervous by the possibility of your idea being rejected. If you could disappear on the spot, believe me, you would. 

Seungmin hums from his seat, nodding. “Seems reasonable.”

You try your hardest not to let out a relieved sigh, nodding back at him. “I brought some notes.”

You did some preparation for this. Well, a lot of preparation. There was no way Kim Seungmin could catch you unprepared at your study meeting. You wanted to prove to him that you were worth so much more than sharing your grade with him and if he had any snarky or teasing remark, you best believe you mastered up a response just as spiteful, if not more than what could possibly leave his lips in the moment. You weren’t here to embarrass yourself. You were here to look smart. Smarter than Kim Seungmin. 

“Perfect.” he just mutters, taking the sheet of paper you were offering to him from your hand, placing it on the table in front of him and skimming his eyes through the lines of text you scribbled down yesterday evening.

The silence makes your palms sweat. It makes you nervously bite down on your lower lip. You felt embarrassing-- you were never the conservative type. All this time, you used to hate your classmate from afar. You never actually spoke to each other, all you did to express your hatred for the boy was in the way you always rolled your eyes when he spoke up in class, or you sighed when Mrs Jung was complimenting him in front of everyone, making sure he heard you. You don’t know what broke in you that day-- you were quite the shy type, to be honest. You didn’t like to be the centre of attention. What were you even thinking by all of this?

“I don’t think we should mention their age as an argument,” he says, finally meeting eyes with you. 

“Why?” you ask, dumbfounded.

“Because as I already said, it was long ago. People used to marry young.” he shrugs, offering the sheet of paper back to you with a judging look on his face.

“Okay and? My point still stands. They were too young and reckless.” 

“I also don’t think we should talk about the sex part.” he concludes, landing his hands into his lap.

“Why? Because it’s controversial?” you teasingly grin at him, waiting for his response.

“No. Because it clearly brings nothing to the table about our arguments. It doesn’t even really play a big role in the whole thing, so I think it’s useless to mention,” he shrugs, looking at your face. It felt like his eyes were studying you, judging you. It was hard to keep eye contact with him-- so you didn’t. You averted your gaze out of the window, opting to watch the passer-bys instead. 

You sigh, waiting for him to say something against your notes again. Of course you could expect this-- there was no way Kim Seungmin would agree with anything you’re trying to say in the matter at all.

“And the point about Rosaline is a little over the line as well…” 

“What do you want me to put in the essay if you’re just going to tell me it’s unreasonable and over the line, huh?” you voice out, pinning your eyes onto his shocked figure, “it’s supposed to be an essay on everything I didn’t like about it, so that’s what I’m going to put in it and your job is to comment on my arguments. Just like my job is to comment on what you loved about this piece of shit of a play, and that’s what I’m going to do, so fuck off.” you growled, standing up and taking your things with you, too frustrated and hot-headed to continue the discussion.

Only Kim Seungmin could make you this mad and you hated him for it even more.

3.

You hear your door open, revealing your mum standing in the doorway with a mug of hot tea and a soft smile playing with her features. You sigh, playing with your pen in your hand, waiting for her to say what she needs to say and leave so you could have some silence to finally work.

“Sweetie, you should really relax for a while. You’ve been studying for the whole day…” she mumbles, taking the tea to your desk and running a hand through your hair. You fight off the urge to pull away from her, knowing damn well it would hurt her feelings, so you just opt to nod at her face and faking a smile.

“Yeah, sure, mum.” you respond, but make no effort in getting up from your chair and moving to your bed. It was already late in the night and your mum was wearing her pyjamas, signaling that she was going to sleep. She always went to sleep early, because she needed to wake up in the early hours of the day to go to work, but you usually didn’t go to sleep earlier than midnight anyway-- homework was taking you too much time sometimes.

“I mean it. You’re doing great job in school, sweetie, but you have to lay off for a while or else you’ll overwork yourself.” she says affectionately, making you grunt on the inside.

“Okay, okay, go to sleep now, good night mum…” you mumble, waiting for her to finally leave you alone. 

“Are you telling me to go away?” she asks with a hint of laugh in her voice that you know for a fact is fake, because the expression on her face looks hurt. You hate to see that face, because it makes you feel guilty, but you really can’t help yourself sometimes.

“No.” you mutter, shaking your head.

She just stares at you for a while, biting down on her lower lip, before she hangs her head low and sighs out. She turns around, taking a few steps to your door, turning around only for a moment when she stands in the doorway and whispers a quiet ‘good night’ at you, closing the door behind her and disappearing into her bedroom. 

You feel a sense of relief coming over you. Of course you weren’t going to sleep yet, but she didn’t have to know that. She didn’t have to know a lot of things. 

The small, old copy of Romeo and Juliet falls into your eyes in the corner of your desk. You had to borrow your book from the library and you hated how some pages were torn and the ink was so old it was hard to read sometimes, but you couldn’t afford to buy yourself one, because you were saving up for college and every cent counts in your household. 

You take it into your hands, reading over the passages you bookmarked when you were first reading the book, wanting to refresh your memory with the lines that stood up to you and made you snort at how ridiculous the book truly was again before typing them down into the document you had opened in front of you.

“Love is heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold, sick and healthy, asleep and awake- it’s everything except what it is!” it says. You run your fingers along the words, the curves of the ink cutting you like a knife. Love is all of these things-- it’s terrifying and it’s unpredictable. It sounds scary in your ears and you’ve seen it right in front of your eyes- love is everything except what it is. 

Love isn’t heavy and light, bright and dark, hot and cold. Love isn’t sick and healthy. Love is pain. It takes everything you have, it ties you down, it makes you do things you would never do if you weren’t in love. It intoxicates you and makes you make bad decisions. When you love, you’re irresponsible. You’re like a storm. 

Your mum and your dad were in love. Or, your mum always told you they were.

So if your mum and your dad were in love, they were supposed to be together through the heavy and the light. Through the bright and through the dark. Through sick and healthy. They were supposed to be there for each other. 

They were both really young when they fell in love. You understand-- they were reckless and they were stupid. 

But did your father really have to leave you? 

Love is nothing from the above. Love is sick and love is just a play. It would be stupid to be hung up on that idea that Kim Seungmin so desperately wanted to believe in.

4.

“So, how far did you get with the essay?” asks Jisung on your lunch break, looking at you with expectation. You told him about your planned meeting with Seungmin, but you didn’t get around to telling him just how it went yet. 

“Oh, that…” you mumble, letting out a dry chuckle, “well, he told me my ideas are stupid, so I’m just going to write it by myself and send it to him so he can add his points into it.” you shrugged, taking a bite from your sandwich, stuffing your cheeks with the food so you didn’t have to explain any further.

Jisung sighs in front of you, rolling his eyes like every time you gush about Seungmin and how he gets on your nerves. “Can you lay off that Anne and Gilbert attitude already?”

“Stop saying that, that’s disgusting,” you scrunch up your nose, shaking your head in disbelief.

“Well, it looks like you two are doing a whole 21st century remake right in front of our eyes, though,” chuckles Jisung, teasing you further, “with that whole top of the class students that hate each other and act like children just because they don’t agree on something. It’s only a matter of time before you fall in love.”

“Ew,” you fake a gag, rolling your eyes at him, “that is so not happening.”

“Yeah, sure, tell me about it at your wedding in a few years.” he mutters.

“I am not getting married in my whole life, marriage is wack,” you roll your eyes at him for the millionth time, the gesture so familiar to you over the past few days. Everything seems to annoy you recently. Maybe you were just going through a bad patch, who knows?

“Oh would you look at that, Y/N’s acting like a Grinch again,” giggles Jisung, ruffling your hair in the process just to annoy you even more, making you pull away abruptly from his touch.

“That doesn’t even make any sense! Grinch hates Christmas, not fake images of love.” you argue back, finishing your sandwich and rolling the plastic that was covering it into a little ball, throwing it into his face to shut him up.

“Yeah, sure.” he snorts, throwing the ball back at you. You catch it in your hands with a promise to yourself to throw it out when exiting the cafeteria later, when you feel a light tap on your shoulder that makes you turn around.

The sight in front of you makes you shoot your eyebrows up in shock, leaving you flustered and surprised. “What do you want?”

“I just wanted to ask when we can hang out again to work on that essay, since it’s, you know, like half of our final grade…” mutters Seungmin, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly and pointing his eyes at you, casually waiting for your answer.

“Oh, we’re not meeting again. I’m just going to email you the file when I’m done.” you shrug.

“But that’s unfair to me?” he offers, eyebrows shooting up and his hand falling to his side.

“Why would it be?”

“That gives me less time to work on it, you know. And you have to add your comments to my work anyways, so it would mean you’ll have to write those at the last-minute.” Seungmin explains, his tone of voice calm and collected, just as always, after all, making you roll your eyes and fume up again. 

“I don’t really care,” you shrug, smiling ironically at his face.

“Why- what?” he asks, looking genuinely concerned and confused, eyebrows scrunching up and his voice raising a little by an octave.

You don’t answer him, though. You’ve had enough of his snarky comments and remarks in the coffee shop-- you weren’t going to meet up with Kim Seungmin again, even if it meant the possibility of getting a bad grade from your most favorite and treasured subject. 

After the boy is met with silence, all he does is scoff at you, shooting his arms up into the air and shaking his head in disbelief. “You’re such a fucking child, oh my god.”

And with that, he strides off, your eyes following his every move to make sure he doesn’t come near you again. His steps are quick and angry, and this is actually the first time you’ve seen him get so frustrated with something. You take pride in getting him over the edge. You were finally even. He doesn’t look back once and you think you finally made it.

“Stop staring, Anne.” you hear from your friend sitting right in front of you, making you break away from your bubble and taking a look at him, seeing him amused and with a teasing grin plastered on his face.

“Fuck off.”

5.

“Peace? I hate the word as I hate hell and all Montagues.” Mrs Jung reads out, when you start dozing off in the class. You’ve read the play a lot of times already, making you feel bored even by the repetitiveness of your class. You understand that she is just waiting for all of you to turn in your papers, not wanting to move on from Romeo and Juliet just yet, but you find yourself slowly falling asleep under the spell of her voice and the fact that you spent the whole night studying again. The sentence startles you awake, making you chuckle to yourself.

‘Peace? I hate the word as I hate hell and Kim Seungmin himself,’ you think. If Han Jisung could read minds, he would be surely teasing you with another smart remark of how much energy you’re spending by hating the poor boy and how it’s not possible for you to not fall in love with him soon after how much time he spends in your mind, but Han Jiung can’t read minds. And even if he could, you’d just tell him to fuck off. Because he is wrong.

“Am I boring you, Y/N?” asks Mrs Jung, fully startling you awake as you straighten your back and properly sit on your uncomfortable chair again. 

“Of course not!” you call out, blinking rapidly to keep your eyes from closing on themselves again. 

“Oh, I thought I was, by how tired you seem by listening to me.” she just smiles at you, then continues talking and looks at the other students in your class, leaving you to blush to yourself without giving you more attention. 

You chew on the inside of your cheek, looking around the classroom. You feel embarrassed. You really didn’t mean to give your favorite professor the wrong idea-- you just got to bed really, really late yesterday. It happened often, but you guess that it just took a bigger stroll on you today. 

Your eyes meet the orbs of your moral enemy, that just gazes into you with intensity. You quickly look away. Why is he doing that? His eyes look worried. He’s not supposed to look at you in such a way-- he’s supposed to laugh at how you’ve just been scolded. He just won a few points to himself by paying more attention than you, he just got on the better side with your favorite professor, yet he doesn’t look like he’s enjoying it at all. 

A small piece of paper catches your interest from the corner of your eye. You read through it, recognising the loopy handwriting of your seat-mate.

did you stay up late studying again?

You sigh, taking a pen out of your pencil case and neatly writing under it, trying not to get caught by Mrs Jung. You really don’t want to get scolded for the second time today.

yeah

you should probably relax a little, your grades are already good to begin with

You roll your eyes at the note. Of course he’d say something like that. In elementary school, your grades were good without even trying. All you had to do was pay attention in class and write what you could remember, but now, in high school, everything is a little harder for you and you suddenly weren't good enough anymore. And yeah, you could say that grades don’t even matter that much, but for you, they meant everything. 

yeah that’s bc i study jisung

now you’re falling asleep tho how is that helping

You don’t answer him. It’s not that he’s wrong. It’s just that… you’re not going to tell him that he is. Yes, you falling asleep wasn’t helping you in the tiniest, because the less you pay attention in class, the more you have to study at home, and the more you study, the less you sleep, which means you’re going to fall asleep in class the next day and it’s just an endless cycle.

sorry :( but just remember that grades aren’t everything Anne you can get an F once in a while

thanks

You write. But you don’t really mean it. 

Because if you get an F, you’re not going to be the top of the class anymore.

And how will you get a scholarship if you’re not?

6.

You arrive to the library, sighing to yourself as you quickly take your coat off and smile to Mrs Kim, the older librarian that let you work here part-time for the time being. You didn’t get paid much, but you loved the job. For the most part, it was easy-- there weren’t many people coming to libraries these days anymore and you could just stay behind the counter, occasionally letting people borrow books and writing them into the evidence. You had a lot of time to study there as well, it was silent and calm. Sometimes, you felt like your heart could rest a little in the small place.

“I’m sorry for coming late Mrs Kim, but the bus was late so I couldn’t get here sooner-” you rush out out of breath, dropping your backpack under the counter, ready to change seats with your employer that was done with her shift for the day.

“It’s totally okay, sweetheart, you know there’s no rush.” she smiles at you, reassuring your nerves with the gesture. You were glad you had such caring people around you. You met with Mrs Kim more than you did with your own mother-- it was strange, but comforting to know that at least someone close to a parental figure was still in your life.

Maybe you just hung yourself into older, reliable people because you lost the security you had in your own mother. Or because you didn’t even have a father to begin with. You don’t know if you’re doing the right thing, but in your heart, it surely feels like you are. 

You nod at her, seeing her leave and wave at you as she takes her things with her before you’re left alone with your thoughts. You sit yourself on the chair, looking around for a moment, before you take out your notes and start working on your homework. The library felt like a safe space-- not that you didn’t have the silence and comfort at your own home, since you were home alone all the time anyway-- but here, at least you felt like there was a reason behind your loneliness. You were at work, after all. 

You wonder if things would have been different for your mum if she didn’t have you so young. Maybe she would still be happy with your dad-- maybe she wouldn’t have to work a lot just to get you through life. It’s not easy, raising a child on your own when you are a child still, you realise that. And your mother does a good job-- at least you think she is-- but sometimes, you wish your life would be different.

You curse at your mother for being so reckless when she was young. If you’d be born later, she’d finish school. Give you a better life. Maybe, you would even have a father. You would be a little happy family, going on vacations and enjoying your lives.

Now, you’re stuck with trying your hardest to be the best at everything. To have your life figured out, because at your age, your mum surely didn’t. You know you shouldn’t blame her-- you need two people to create a child, but there was no other person for you to blame. 

You try your hardest to get a scholarship, because you can’t pay for college on your own. You work so your mother doesn’t have to stay at her job over-night so often just to pay the bills. You educate yourself to be smart and successful-- because that will surely change your life for the better, right? 

Suddenly, you hear the bell above the door of the library ring, startling you away from your thoughts. You look that way with a polite smile on your face you’ve taught yourself while working at customer service, ready to greet the customer with fake enthusiasm, when your mouth hangs open without a word. Startled would be an understatement to the feeling you feel at the moment.

“Hello,” the person greets politely, looking at you momentarily before going up to the counter with a stack of books in his hands. He looks up after placing them on the surface and that’s the moment when you see he realises your presence fully-- after seeing his face fall into shock.

“Good afternoon,” you grunt ironically, taking the books closer to yourself so you can check them in, recognising his eyes following your every move from the corner of your eye, “your ID?” you raise up your eyebrows at him, annoyance apparent in your features.

“Oh, right,” he catches himself, quickly patting every pocket of his clothing, until he puts up his hand into his backpack and browses through his wallet, slender fingers offering you the little card so you can scan the code.

The computer freezes for a bit and you curse to yourself-- did it really have to happen now? With Kim Seungmin watching you like an alien? The computer at your local library wasn’t the newest, per say. It didn’t even have to be, your usual customers were just as old, if not even older than that piece of machinery, they didn’t mind waiting. But now wasn’t the time for the computer to freeze. You feel yourself losing your nerves, bouncing your leg up and down, angrily glaring at the screen. 

A minute passes, than another-- could it even get worse than this? 

“So,” clears his throat Seungmin, making you snap your head up to meet his gaze, “what’s up?” he asks, shocking you again. 

“Why do you care?” you snap, glaring at him instead. How dare he act so casually after saying all those mean things to you? You couldn’t believe your ears. 

“Because you’re my classmate…?” he furrows his brows, tone of voice cautious, sounding like a question instead.

“And?” you ask, watching the screen of the computer instead, cursing at the new electronic system Mrs Kim decided to install. It would have been so much easier if you could just scribble down your signature on a small piece of paper and take the books like you used to do before, but no, she was all about innovation. 

“And I thought we were civil enough for a casual conversation,” he rambles, making you snort in disbelief.

“Oh, we are anything but civil.” you respond, losing your nerves, taking your hand and angrily hitting the top of the screen, as if it was supposed to make the computer work. You violently curse under your breath, hitting it a few times, each one more lightly, until the program starts to work, finally registering the books back into the library evidence.

“Why do you even hate me so much?” he asks after you stop, looking at you with annoyed eyes and a look worthy of an oscar-winning actor. He didn’t care, you knew that, but he sure looked like he did.

You just scoff at him, shaking your head. 

“Goodbye,” is all you offer him, his library ID in your hand, before he takes it and rolls his eyes at you again, like many times before. With that, he leaves-- just like you wanted him to-- and you can finally relax. 

You sigh out, taking a seat on your chair again, angirly shutting your textbooks close and grunting under your breath. You put your head into your hands, resting them on the table, breathing heavily. You won’t even be able to study now, and it’s all thanks to him.

Why do you even hate him so much?

7.

Kim Seungmin is an interesting individual. As you continue to work in the library the next week, you meet him there every single day. You don’t even have the energy to bark at him anymore-- he slid into your life like a gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe. Always there, but you never get used to it and it’s still annoying when you walk around. 

Kim Seungmin is your moral enemy, as we already established. He comes into the library every day and you’re convinced it’s just because he wants to piss you off, but you don’t give him the satisfaction of letting him rile you up anymore. You just silently glare at him and sigh when the timing feels right to show him how much you actually still hate his presence. 

He comes back one day while you’re working on your essay, sitting at the table with furrowed eyebrows and the end of your pen trapped between your teeth. The copy of the play is sitting open right in front of you and his eyes fall into it, recognising the underlined replicas and words. You didn’t work on that essay together ever since your first meeting and the due date was nearing, all he wanted to do was review it with you to at least know what he was getting into.

“Can you even read all of these books in a day when you keep coming back for more every time?” you grumpily mumble as you check back the books you, as the librarian, let him borrow yesterday. They are quite thin, but still, you doubt he was so quick to read all of them in a single afternoon.

“Why do you care?” he asks, snickering to himself. Of course, here he is-- annoying every single cell and fiber of your body again.

“Oh, trust me, I don’t. It’s just getting a little annoying.” you ironically smile at him, sitting back to your chair as you finish lending him the new stash of books. You’re not even sure where he got all of these from, since they don’t even look that interesting, but you choose not to think about it any longer as you get back to your essay, scribbling onto the lined paper.

“I like what you’ve written so far,” he says, startling you. You thought he left already-- I mean, why would he even stay? But he didn’t and he was standing right in front of you, eyes skimming over your messy handwriting.

“No you don’t. You’re arguing against me.” you snap back, darting your eyes to him, seeing him sigh.

“Whatever,” he shakes his head, “I was just wondering when you’re going to finally stop being so childish so we can work on that project together, you know.”

“I’m not childish-”

“Stop arguing with me for once, for god’s sake!” he rushes out, throwing his arms in the air in nerves, huffing out in frustration. “Look, I’ll be here tomorrow. The same time. I’ll bring my things and if you still don’t let me work with you, I won’t write anything and we’ll get a bad grade together. Take it or leave it.”

And with that, he is gone. 

Fuck Kim Seungmin.

8.

Turns out your enemy is a man of his word. 

He truly does show up the next day-- with his backpack slung on his shoulder, cute big glasses sitting on his nose and a stack of papers in his hands. He raises his brows at you upon arriving and you just let out a defeated sigh. 

You put a lot of thought into this yesterday evening. Did you hate Kim Seungmin? Of course you did. Was he really annoying? Yes. But were you going to get a bad grade just because of that? Not a chance. 

And so you choose to give up on the small war and let him sit in front of you, you let him casually ask you questions about the essay and surprisingly, you answer. It is kind of easy, working with a partner on the same exact level as you, because, and now, don’t get me wrong, you love your classmates, but it seemed like you did all the work all the time. It was nice to have somebody by your side that actually managed to do something and took his part responsibly.

“So, since we’re not just gonna go there and argue right from the start, I wrote a little something about William Shakespeare and his background as well in the introduction, I actually didn’t get around to writing the introduction to the play itself, but-”

“Oh that’s fine, I have it done. We can just stick that in there,” he smiles at you warmly, taking you by a surprise. 

You’ve never seen Kim Seungmin smile at you. It was strange to act so friendly around him. Perhaps you were really losing your mind while studying so much. 

“Perfect.” you nod, chewing on the inside of your cheek. 

“I also have the general storyline written down so you don’t have to do that…” he mumbles, looking away for a while when your eyes meet. Is this supposed to be so awkward?

“Nice.” you opt to simply reply in your usual cold nature, nodding.

“Can you tell me which topics you wrote about? So I know if I need to write my part about more things…” he takes the initiative again and you’re actually kind of glad, because that means you don’t have to think of the schedule of your little meeting anymore. 

“Oh, right,” you say, shuffling around in your papers, “um… I just wrote about the age aspect, how reckless their love was, the image of love itself in the play, I also wrote about how meaningless the rivalry was…” you mumble, averting your eyes to the blue ink on the paper.

“Awesome, so we have all of that done… except from the love thing. Okay, I’ll write it next time I come around, since I have tutoring in a few,” he smiles, standing up from the chair, taking all of his things with him.

“Next time?”

“Yeah, well, we still have to finish it. You’ll be here on Tuesday, right? Since the class is on Thursday, so we can have time for the finishing touches.” he proposes, leaving you staring at him, startled.

“O...kay,” you nod, watching him leave.

“Perfect! I’ll see you around, bye!” he cheers, escaping the library that now feels so much hotter than before, leaving you all alone. You notice his tall figure rushing the other way of the library, watching it until it disappears completely out of your sight. 

You notice how hot your cheeks are, bringing a hand to rest against the burning surface, taking deep breaths to somehow calm down the racing heart you are only recognising now, that he’s gone. 

You still have a lot of work to do before Tuesday-- one of your tasks, it seems, is to try to not fall for his friendly nature and welcoming smile. Because perhaps, he was right all along-- why do you even hate him so much?

9.

Kim Seungmin has always been your moral enemy-- you despised everything about him, from the way he was always so calm and collected, so sweet and caring, so smart and thoughtful. You despised his composure. You despised the way he always somehow managed to make friends with everyone around him no matter who the person was. 

He was everything you weren’t. You were just the quiet kid from a broken family that always had to look after herself. You were the kid that had to keep on trying to be the best one, because your mind didn’t let you accept the second place. 

Yet now, that Kim Seungmin is sitting right in front of you with a sweet smile plastered onto his features and a stack of notes in his hands, making your heart race with his every move, you start to quietly doubt your silent hatred for the boy.

He makes it so easy to be likeable. You’re jealous of him.

“Okay, so, do you want to start reading? I think it might help us to have a run down before presenting this on Thursday,” he asks you, leaving you to take a deep breath in, nodding to yourself.

You skip the introduction bits-- both of you know a little too much about the play and its author already, you have no reason to be reading those parts out loud. Something inside of you starts shaking at the thought of presenting your work to him. You were never really good with presentations, your quiet nature leaving you getting hot in the cheeks and stammering every time you had to read in front of the class, but now, it feels even worse with the boy staring at you, listening to everything you have to say.

“They say Romeo and Juliet describe a love that surpasses all boundaries, but a close reading of the play suggests the lovers’ feelings are more complicated than pure love. If we look, we can find plenty of evidence that Romeo and Juliet’s love for one another is, at least initially, immature. Romeo begins the play claiming to be passionately in love with another woman, Rosaline. When he sees Juliet, he abandons Rosaline before he has even spoken to his new love, which suggests that his feelings for both women are superficial. Juliet, meanwhile, seems to be motivated by defying her parents. She is unenthusiastic about her parents’ choice of husband for her, and at the party where she is supposed to meet Paris, she instead kisses Romeo after exchanging just fourteen lines of dialogue with him. When Romeo returns to see Juliet, she is focused on marriage. For Juliet, part of the appeal of marriage is that it will free her from her parents: ‘I’ll no longer be a Capulet’,” you read out quietly. The room is silent, you can even hear the passing cars outside of the window, but Seungmin says nothing. You pay a daring look to him, finding him focused on your face, which makes you shakily drift your eyes back, reading some more so you can distract yourself.

“Marriage is, also, another great aspect of the story-- Juliet is only 13 in the play and even though we can argue and say that historically, she was of age to get married, I still think it is irresponsible to marry so young and so quickly. It brings a bad view of reckless love to young readers that are forced to read the play while growing up.” you continue, hearing Seungmin smirk from the other side of the table.

“‘With love’s light wings did I o’erperch these walls, for stony limits cannot hold love out’, Romeo says, however, to Juliet, all of the freedom she gets from love sparks in the idea of leaving her parents so she can have sex.” you read out, hearing Seungmin finally burst out laughing.

You stop reading, looking up to him with questioning eyes. 

“Why are you so dramatic about all of it anyway?” he asks you, making you furrow your brows in confusion.

“What do you mean dramatic? I was supposed to write about my own view of it, so I did just that. You don’t have to laugh at me for it,” you shake your head, kind of feeling pathetic for the way your heart is racing. The thing is, and you know it sounds ridiculous, you actually feel kind of hurt by the sound of his laughter.

“I understand that, but why do you keep bashing the author for writing it like that? It’s like you don’t even believe in love, all you did was criticise all of the ideas he had. And so what if they were young and reckless? They were still in love, you know?” he rambles, making your blood boil again.

“You can’t just ignore all of it because it was in history. I don’t think it’s normal to marry so young and to claim you are in love so quickly, because you know what? If they survived, they would make a child. And then, they would realise how they fucked up their own life and Romeo would run away from her with a snap of his finger, because that’s what young, immature boys do. And then-” you raise your voice, not even realising how heated you got with the argument as you continue to ramble. The vision of your own parents and your own story is slowly eating you all up from the inside, when suddenly, Seungmin cuts you off again with a laugh.

“But you don’t know that. It’s not even in the play and your conspiracies are just… pathetic, really,” he shrugs, taking in your distressed state.

Pathetic conspiracies. Is this what he called your life?

“Leave.” you say, breathing heavy.

“What? We didn’t even-” 

“You criticize everything I write, not even recognising that maybe I do have a reason for feeling like this and maybe I really do not want to idolise young, immature love when I know just how much damage it can make, so please, for the love of god, Kim Seungmin, leave me alone!” you yell out, standing up from your chair and pointing to the door.

“Y/N-”

“I said get out!” you scream. His deep eyes stare at you for a few minutes, startled, before he hurriedly takes his things and leaves through the front door. 

Once you’re finally alone again, you sigh heavily and put your head into your hands. You feel your eyes burning, trying to desperately blink away the stupid tears filling your saddened orbs, but it’s no use as you see a few teadrops fall onto the opened copy of Romeo and Juliet on the table. 

‘It’s easy for someone to joke about scars if they’ve never been cut.’, it says.

Maybe you were fooling yourself when you thought Kim Seungmin will no longer be your enemy after all of this.

10.

You raise up to your feet when Mrs Jung calls on you on Friday. You already know what’s going to happen-- you’d been preparing yourself for this moment for the past two long, miserable days. You hadn’t spoken to Seungmin since that day in the library and frankly, you feel like after all of this, you have nothing to say to him. You feel like all energy has been sucked out of you, like you are just a walking cage without a soul just ready for this whole project to be over.

You scan the faces of your classmates, most of them looking interested by your essay. They must be expecting drama, an outburst of emotions as you listen to Seungmin’s words, but you won’t give them the satisfaction today. You’re just going to do your part-- you’re going to read out what you have to say and that’s where it ends. You’re not wasting your energy on Kim Seungmin anymore. It’s not worth your time at all. 

So you start, just like that time in the library. You make all your points, you mention all of the topics you wanted to discuss. You throw it right in front of their faces, silently confessing to them all of your deepest secrets and insecurities, because the truth is, you wouldn’t feel so strongly about the play if it didn’t affect you as much. 

And when you’re done, you let your rival speak. You listen to him with curiosity, it doesn’t matter how much you’re trying to convince yourself you don’t actually care. His words flow into your ears and fill your mind with thoughts, every single one of them dedicated to his neat handwriting and his brain full of mysteries he is currently uncovering right in front of you.

“To be honest, Y/N’s words made me think. They made me think too hard. They made me question if my point of view was actually as correct as I thought it was. You see, Y/N is a smart girl. No one can deny that. Perhaps that is what made me doubt my own words so much in the first place,” he starts, looking you directly in the eye, but quickly averting his eyes to the small group of people in the classroom instead, “but still, even though there are some points of her essay that I agree with-- like the age aspect, even though historically, it could be meaningless, as well as the way their marriage comes too fast, there are still things I strongly disagree on.”

He takes a deep breath, shuffling the papers in his hands until he finds the right one, and starts speaking again. “Y/N says their love isn’t as pure as it seems to be. With Romeo abandoning Rosaline and with Juliet desperately wanting to break away from her parents, it may seem that way. However, I think that yet, while the two characters may have initially fell for each other due to a mixture of convenience and lust, Romeo and Juliet’s language shows their passion maturing into real love,” he says, taking a short look at you that makes your insides burn in flames, “In their first meeting, they compose a sonnet together using the religious language of pilgrimage. They both start using astrological language to describe their love. As their relationship develops, they use less rhyme, which has the effect of making their language feel less artificial. These changes in the lovers’ language show that they are growing together. They are growing to care more deeply for each other, they are growing into a feeling of love they have for each other.”

“Another thing I disagree with Y/N on is her image of love. ‘Is love a tender thing? It is too rough, too rude, too boisterous, and it pricks like thorn,’ she quotes. Romeo asks his friend, Mercutio, this question when he feels hurt by his love. Yet, as I already mentioned, in my opinion, love is growing. And growing is a journey-- in every journey, there is going to be some pain,” he looks at you again, as if to tell you that his words aren’t meant for the class, but for you and your ears only. It doesn’t look like he’s arguing with you anymore--he is simply telling you what’s on his mind. What he believes in. 

“In theory, I think love is beautiful. I understand the pain and I understand the journey. And with me saying I disagree, I’m not saying Y/N’s opinion is wrong. It’s simply what she believes in,” he nods his head, locking his eyes with Mrs Jung, “but perhaps, it’s the romantic in me that believes that the image of love portrayed in this book was, in fact, beautiful.”

He clears his throat, looking at you again, but this time, his eyes don’t drift to the papers in his hand, rather speaking from his memory instead of reading out the things he had written down. “‘The brightness of her cheek would shame those stars as daylight doth a lamp; her eyes in heaven would through the airy region stream so bright that birds would sing, and think it were not night.’ Isn’t that beautiful?” he averts his eyes to the class, smiling to himself and looking to the ground. 

Somehow, his words feel heavy on you. Like they hold the weight of the world, like what he said wasn’t just to prove a point to you. Perhaps Kim Seungmin saw through the hurt you feel-- perhaps he tried to understand. Maybe, he even tried to make you feel better. 

Somehow, his words feel like a confession. His ending ment of saying ‘thank you for your time’ goes unnoticed in your brain, everything turning blurry as the bell rings just as your presentation ends, your brain, eyes-- your whole being focused on Kim Seungmin and the way his voice recitated the words with such passion in his heart.

“‘And where two raging fires meet together, they do consume the thing that feeds their fury,’” the voice of your English literature teacher cuts through your senses like a knife, the smile on her face bringing you back to reality, “Good job, you two.”

11.

A kick in a face wouldn’t hit you harder than seeing Kim Seungmin appear in the library the next day. You aren’t prepared to see him, not when all you’ve been thinking of the last night without being able to fall asleep were his words, his mind and his face. You saw him every time you closed your eyes-- it was like he suddenly imprinted himself into your brain. It was crazy. You felt crazy.

Romeo and Juliet fell in love at first sight. Romeo and Juliet got married the next day. 

How much time did it take you to fall in love with Kim Seungmin? 

Suddenly, you have no idea. And what makes it all worse is the fact that somehow, it all makes sense in your eyes. Maybe Jisung was right when he told you that giving so much energy into hating the boy would somehow make you end up like the 21st century replica of Anne of the Green Gables and Gilbert Blythe.

“Hello,” he breathes out, the corners of his mouth slightly curving up before he bites the nervous smile down, chewing on his bottom lip. 

“Hi,” you shyly greet him, noticing the book in his hands alongside with the library card, taking it from his reached-out hand. You recognise the book way too well, the hard covers a little dusty and the spine damaged from the amount of people that had borrowed this book from the library before.

You take the copy of Romeo and Juliet and place it on the table, registering it back into the database. It feels like a chapter of your life is ending. It seems like forever since you’ve been assigned the project, but in a way, you know that nothing will ever be the same. 

You kept thinking of his words in the night. How in his romantic mind, love is beautiful. And it’s a journey that requires pain, in a way. 

You kept thinking of how your parents were in love. And then, they were in pain. It was their journey that somehow ended up with you being born, ended up with your father leaving you because he couldn’t bear the responsibility. You kept thinking about how you used to blame your mother, even though all she ever did was raise you and love you. And in a way, you knew Seungmin was right and love was beautiful-- it brought your mum pain, but she was happy while it lasted. And you were the proof of that.

You give him back his library ID, fully expecting him to leave without another word, but he doesn’t. He takes it back from your hold, slipping the card into his back pocket, giving you a meaningful look as he sighs.

“I-”

“Look-”

You both start at the same time, nervously laughing before prompting the other one to speak first. You avert your eyes away from his face, letting him know you won’t be the first one to speak this time, patiently waiting for him to start talking.

“I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry if I ever made it seem like I hate you or anything, because, well, it’s quite the opposite, really,” he chuckles, wiping his hands against his pants, “I never had the guts to hold a proper conversation with you before, because honestly, I was too shy to do that, since you’re like… so smart and everything, but yeah,” he sighs again, shortly looking you in the eyes before finishing his little speech, “I’m just… sorry, I guess?”

You feel your lips tugging into a smile, shaking your head in disbelief before speaking up again. “No, I should be the one saying sorry, because I was the one acting like a bitch… I guess that were just my own insecurities getting in the way.” 

His smile mirrors yours in no time, taking your breath away as you curse in your own head. You feel crazy. So, so damn crazy for liking it so much.

“It’s okay. I guess we both had some things that came in the way. If I wasn’t acting so cold, maybe you wouldn’t hate me as much-”

“No, it’s not your fault!” you stop him, reaching out a hand to gesture him that he is talking nonsense. 

He nervously shifts his weight from one leg to another, taking a short look at his shoes, gaining all of his courage before speaking up again. “I know this may sound ridiculous, but would you maybe want to… hang out sometime?”

“Hang out?” you repeat, voice a few octaves higher than usual.

“Y-yeah,” he nods, eyes big, “I was actually thinking of asking you out on a date but since you used to hate me until now, I didn’t want to go too fast-”

“It can be a date,” you jump in. The voice in your head is screaming at you now, hell, it is running around your head and hitting the walls in anger and panic. How the hell did you end up in this position? Asking Kim Seungmin out on a date? You really must be ridiculous.

“Okay,” he smiles, urgently nodding. 

“Okay.” you grin. You exchange a daring stare into each other’s eyes before he deeply inhales and scratches the back of his neck, turning on his heel and quickly pacing to the door. You almost think he’s going to leave, but he quickly looks back and stops in his tracks, shooting you one last, bright smile.

“I’ll pick you up tomorrow!” he cheers, not even letting you respond before he runs out of the door.

As the library falls into dead silence, you take a seat on the chair, sighing deeply and bringing your head into your palms resting on the table, just like many times before when Seungmin left the comfort of the library, but this time, there’s a goofy smile playing with your lips as you think of the last few minutes, chuckling to yourself. This was an outcome you did not expect from the project-- but it’s an outcome you don’t mind at all.

Romeo and Juliet fell in love at first sight. How long did it take you? 

It’s fair to say at least two weeks.

Maybe you were foolish and maybe it will hurt, but there’s something tempting at the warm feeling in your chest and the excitement Seungmin’s presence makes you feel, and that feeling alone doesn’t let you give up on this just yet. 

Your eyes fall to the opened book of Romeo and Juliet you’d left on your table just before he arrived, meaning to return the copy of the play to the library. You’re met with a sentence that makes you chuckle at the irony, the foolishness washing over you mixed with a feeling of joy you can’t quite comprehend yet, but welcome it with your arms wide open and expecting heart.

‘My only love sprung from my only hate.’